#right. there isn't a joy in this. there is no definite moment where the hurt- this trauma. the fog.- would pass and settle into comfort. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mari-lair · 7 months

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I want to talk about Killua and Gon's separation.

There is a lot to untangle so let's start with Killua's mentality after the Chimera Ant Arc.

Killua is aware of how much Gon hurt him, and he understands that even if Gon's bond and dept with Kite is not something he can relate to, this pain isn't something he can brush off either, yet, he comclude his self-reflection by calling his dilemma a burden.

This need to be valued by Gon is what made him take things personally and feel useless during their invasion.

Regardless of his own feelings and issues, Killua blames himself for not sucking up and staying there with Gon. He has for a while... Take note of how horrified he looks after Palm tells him he is the one Gon needs the most.

Any possible joy he could have gotten from being important was far too small compared to the crushing realization 'Gon needs me and I left him alone while he was suffering.'

But Killua is hurting for himself too, at how he was put in a situation where everything felt out of his control.

That makes him angry.

When yelling at Gon about how reckless and selfish he is, Killua thinks to himself "apologies...?" as a question, a question that comes right after thinking "this time I won't forgive you'', like he is trying to find an answer to how he is feeling.

He doesn't really know what he wants from Gon, how or even where to direct his anger.

But he does know what he wants from himself.

'I will definitively make you better.'

It makes his declaration feel more like a "you will be alive to apologize. You will be here when I figure it out" the apology itself isn't nearly as important.

Because his recovery is so important, Killua doesn't allow himself to think too hard about it. He can't get emotional and make mistakes again, he needs to be level headed and get things done.

Even if the ever-present fear that he will be too late to save Gon is there.

He was too late once after all.

Killua immediately loses his calm when there are no hospital curtains or glass windows between them.

Even with Nanika by his side to give him strength, he is tense from the moment he reaches for Gon's hand. It breaks him to witness exactly how bad Gon state has become.

Translations vary but the sense of urgency is prevalent, even with his mission accomplished, his wish a touch away, he shows zero relief, he acts like he is too late again, desperate to help him.

There is no 'Gon is invincible. He heals super fast from everything.' mentality anymore, and even the hope he has been clinging to that 'Nanika is amazing, she can heal Gon' gets destroyed.

Is just him and the brutal reminder Gon can fall.

So when Gon gets up, against all odds, Killua is happy. The joy is stronger than his grief.

He downplays his worry, and keeps it casual, when he tells Gon to watch out for himself, but he is genuinely happy when Gon thanks him.

That's what I believe Killua really wanted from the start, not an apology but a thank you. It always hit him hard when Gon thanks him, be it when Killua is happy, or at his lowest:

Killua just didn't believe he deserved a "thank you", not after being put far too many responsibilities on himself and drowning in failures. But now, things are okay.

For as difficult as Killua's life is, he does like to focus on the good, so when he talks to Gon, who is alive and no longer blinded by grief, while being able to hold on to his little sister's hand, who is happy and free, he has no regrets, it was no problem. He would do it again and again and again for them, and Gon showing appreciation of what he has done is the cherry on top.

Killua doesn't really care about the apology anymore, because he already understands Gon didn't want to hurt him, he has been by Gon's side for years, and he knows better than anyone that Gon is a kind boy who loves his friends very much, and is far too harsh on himself.

So Killua acknowledges his pain but he keeps it light-hearted and brief. He doesn't want his best friend to focus on this, as Gon is prone to, so after Gon gets on his knees to apologize, Killua thanks him.

Which is something Killua rarely does, most of his thank yous are either casual or in monologues Gon isn't privy to. But he want to focus on the good he gained, on how his adventures and feelings for Gon are what let him take the needle out and go to Alluka's rescue instead of how he learned to fear loss.

He believes Gon is just as important to Alluka's rescue as Alluka was to his recovery. And he acknowledged Gon's issues but still value him.

So he does what he has always appreciated, and lets Gon know how valuable he is. Hurt or not, he always wants what's best for Gon. To cheer him up, to put his mind at ease.

And now that things have gotten more peaceful, they both decided that's what they focus on, on how valuable the other is. How much they enjoy each other's company and how hard it is to go their separate ways.

Even what Ging says about "What I was I looking for isn't what I ended up valuing" parallels their arrangement.

This is the end of their journey to travel the world in search of Ging, and the Chimera Ant disaster will definitively mark them, but they are still friends, and proud of it!

Which brings me to Killua's "you're number two" claim.

Personally, I do not believe he is being literal or trying to measure their value when he claims his sister is No.1. He just doesn't want to put too much pressure on Gon when he can tell Gon is still beating himself over how he treated Killua.

Palms's "You're the most important person to Gon" speech broke Killua, it crushed him with pressure, and it wasn't even Gon himself saying. Imagine how bad Gon would feel if Killua said "You're my most important person" or showed in any way how highly he holds Gon after the way Gon had snapped at him.

Add in how Gon already feels indebted to Killua, who had witnessed Gon destroy himself over his debt to Kite, and how hard it is for Gon to let Killua go... I can understand why Killua would want to downplay the situation as much as possible. Make it easier on Gon.

I don't want to downplay Alluka's importance to Killua though, she is the main reason they separate, the one that gives Killua confidence to turn his back on Gon despite how sad they look about diverging their paths, and makes Killua keep going.

Killua had nothing he wanted for a while. Now he wants to take Alluka and Nanika to travel the world, and while Gon is amazing and fun, he is also deeply intertwined with danger.

And Killua already has a lot of danger on his hands.

He needs a break from danger. From stress.

He can't protect Alluka and Nanika, while keeping an eye on Gon in their usual adventures. And he can't let himself go wild with Illumi on the hunt.

His priority is to keep Alluka safe and happy. Show her a taste of freedom and all the fun he knows exists out there.

And Killua is emotionally smart too, for as much as he is attached to Gon, I think he does realize they need time away. They will see each other again, they promised.

but right now they are too dependent.

#hxh #hunter x hunter #killua zoldyck #gon freecs #character analysis #killugon #this post is a bit all over the place but once i connected (or at least i think i did) one accidental dot it drove me insane #long post #and that was me trying to keep it short yugyugyu help

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alessiathepirate · 10 months

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Resident Evil 2 - Resident Evil 4

SHARED WOUNDS HEAL TOGETHER THE BEST: Leon S. Kennedy x fem!reader

Summary: Relationship development through nightmares and shared trauma.

Notes: English isn't my first language. I apologize for any mistake I made while I wrote this short story.

Warnings: swearing, referenced PTSD, trauma, mentioned death, described violence, hurt/comfort

•••

Half a night full of nightmares

Escaping the unsurvivable doesn't come with good feelings at all.

It didn't fill her heart with pride or joy after she survived all those monsters in Raccoon City, even though she almost laughed from relief when she found herself far away from that God forsaken place with Leon, Claire and Sherry on her side.

No. The aftermath wasn't happy and it definitely wasn't fun. It was sad, insufferable and painful.

The mornings were alright - she didn't have any problems with those, especially when she could talk to either Leon or Claire, or take care of Sherry. But the nights - the nights were horrible and the first few after the incident were the worst.

She saw hoards of the undead in her dreams, attacking her or killing the people she cared about. She heard the noises of the lickers and the turned dogs, but the worst were the loud steps, making the walls and the ground she was standing on shake.

On the first night she relived the journalist's death so vividly, she didn't know where she was when she woke up. She saw him backing away and then the strong arm of the tyrant pushed through the concrete wall, it grabbed his head and crushed it like it was nothing. She remembered how the blood dripped down to the floor, how his eyes popped out of their places and how they were hanging out of his eye sockets, only a few weak muscles keeping them attached to his body.

When she woke up she couldn't breath, her chest was heavy, her throat felt both tight and dry and she was crying, the tears quickly running down her cheeks. She didn't know where she was or who she was, her mind was too far gone, still living in the world of the nightmare, not finding the way back to reality.

Two sudden hands on her shoulders pushed her back to the present, to the dirty motel room with the lights on, but with the curtains closed.

"Hey, hey! It's okay, it was just a nightmare! You're safe, I'm here. Do you hear me?" Leon's voice was full of fear, but he did his best not to panic as he tried to calm her down. His words made her breathing slow down and she felt like she can get some fresh air in her lungs again. "You have to take a big breath with me, okay? In and out." She followed his instructions as he brushed a few locks of hair out of her face, which got stuck to her forehead from the sweat. "Again- breath in... and out." He made eye contact with her, making sure she's feeling better. "You can calm down, it was just a bad dream."

She nodded, now understanding the situation she found herself in.

"Thank you." her mouth felt dry as she said those two words out loud.

"You have nothing to say thank you for." Leon smiled at her reassuringly. "Do you feel better now?"

She just nodded again, not trusting her voice this time. Leon backed away and sat down next to her on the bed.

She felt awkward as she sat up, leaning against the bedframe as she pulled the duvets to the side, because she felt like she was burning alive under them. She hugged her knees to her chest as she looked at Leon again.

"You can talk about it if you want to. I had one too, you know... a nightmare."

She stayed quiet as she thought about what to do, but then her strength to keep all the fear in herself broke.

"I had a dream about the journalist's- about Ben's death... It was like I- relived that moment, you know. When the tyrant killed him." she explained as a shiver run through her spine at the memories. "What was yours about?"

"That we never made it out alive." he started. "That every one of you died right before the finish line and when I tried to get back to you I got attacked as well."

"I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"I don't know." she answered after she realized how stupid it would be to apologize for the whole Raccoon City incident, when it wasn't her fault - nor their fault at all. "For scaring you because of some shitty dream I had... For what happened or- I don't know."

"It's not your fault. You can't do anything against the dreams you have and I'm sure you did your absolute best in Raccoon City. We all did."

They smiled at each other, but it was a very broken, pitiful smile.

"I'll always be here if you want to talk about, you know- what happened."

"The same goes for you." she said. "Where are the others? Claire and Sherry?"

"Claire wanted to get something to eat and Sherry wanted to go with her. You fell asleep so I didn't want to leave you alone." Leon explained and then added jokingly: "And then I fell asleep as well so I guess we were both too tired to care about food. They should be back in a few minutes."

"Thanks for staying with me."

Leon just smiled and then stood up, walking towards the only table the cheap motel room had.

"Claire was able to get some tea from that nice lady at reception. Do you want some? I mean, it's already cold, but-"

"It's perfect. Thank you."

A few moments later they were both sitting on her bed, drinking that ice cold tea as they made sure the other was feeling better after half a night full of nightmares. Neither of them knew how important that little gesture will be in their shared future.

•••

The already full jar of trauma

The moment she heard Leon's voice from his bedroom, she was up, her bare feet were on the cold floor, not caring about what she had on or how low the temperature in their apartment was. Her reflexes, which became quite sharp after that horrible night, acted on their own accord, and the next thing she knew she was running to her flatmate's bedroom, not bothering to knock.

Just like she thought - Leon's body was sweaty and he was tossing and turning in his bed with an uncomfortable look on his face. All the tiredness was gone from her eyes as she sat down next to him on his bed and put one of her hands on his chest while the other was gently caressing his face.

"Leon?" she spoke up kindly, her voice rough from sleeping beforehand. "Leon, please wake up! It's just a dream. Leon?"

He suddenly opened his eyes as he sat up so quickly she had to lean back so he won't bump into her.

"It's okay!" she tried to reassure him as she touched his arm. "It was just a bad dream."

He looked at her, his eyes teary from both dream and sleep and the next thing she knew, he hugged her, his arms keeping her in place tightly, afraid to let go.

She was shocked at first, that moment being the first time ever he hugged her or was that close to her, but she didn't complain. She knew how bad a nightmare can be, how bad of a reaction it can get out of someone. So she hugged him back and stroked his arm as his breathing became more even.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she said, her face still pressed against his shoulder.

She felt him swallow.

"Do you remember Marvin?" he asked even though he knew the answer.

Marvin was still a fresh wound and a painful topic - especially the way he died and the why he died. The man was a hero; he saved them from getting eaten and he gave them the right weapons and best gear they could ever find.

She nodded, but the memories still hurt.

"I had a dream about him."

"I'm sorry. You had to shoot him because of me."

It was true and she'll probably always feel guilty because of it. It was her fault - her fault that Leon had to shoot him dead and with that add to the already full jar of trauma.

She wasn't careful and let the turned Marvin attack her. His hands were already on her and if Leon doesn't react quickly, he would've bit her right in the neck.

"It wasn't your fault." Leon said and after taking a long breath he continued: "He was already gone. It was between you and him, and he was already gone."

Even if it was a painful topic, she knew she can be thankful that Leon was there and acted quickly.

"Thank you for being there that day." she said after she pushed Leon back so she can look him in the eye. "But you can't blame yourself either. I hope you know that."

He nodded, silently saying that he does.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

"Not anymore, no."

"We can watch something if you want to."

"Yeah." she answered, knowing none of them would be able to fall sleep again. "That would be great. A shitty comedy would be great."

•••

Keep on talking

She was so tired she felt like she could cry at any little thing - yet sleep stayed far away from her. It didn't want to come, it didn't want to give her what she needs and covets.

Her whole body hurt from that morning's obstacle training and hand-to-hand combat - both lessons left cuts and purple, blue or even yellow bruises on her arms, legs and stomach. Her muscles were aching, screaming for even a few hours of sleep, but both the sleep and dreams stayed away.

"Are you still up?"

Leon's question was so sudden in the darkness that it gave her heart an ache from fear, her heartbeat becoming faster.

They shared a bunk bed together. Leon chose the lower part so she owned the upper one - but deep down she knew Leon made that decision so he can look out for her and be her guard dog until the end of the damn training.

"Yeah." she whispered back, not wanted to wake up the others.

"You can't sleep?"

"Exactly, but I want to." her voice became high pitched, so she had to swallow to keep the tears back. "God, I really want to."

Leon whispered her name, his voice was full of worry and that was what broke the dam. The tears started to fall from both mental and physical pain, tiredness.

"Are you okay?"

She didn't answer. She couldn't without waking the others up, knowing her voice would be rough and high pitched.

She heard him pull the duvet to the side, she was sure he sat up on his bed. Then his bare feet made contact with the floor and in the next moment she could see Leon's face as he grabbed the side of her bed. His expression was full of sadness.

"Do you want to sleep next to me tonight?" he asked quietly, gently touching her hand.

She nodded.

"Come here..."

She did her best to stay silent as she wiped away her tears and then climbed down, her arms shaking as she did so. Leon was there to help her, holding her, keeping his hand on her back as support.

When she was down he turned her towards himself, wiped the remaining tears away and gently stroked a bruise on her collarbone. She only then noticed that he had a few bruises himself as well, a purple one hiding right under his jaw, but she could still see it in the moonlight.

"Who did you fight with?"

"Why, you want to beat him up?" he asked teasingly, trying to crack a joke.

She didn't giggle, caring about his health and well being too much to take it as a joke.

"Of course I want to."

"You can have one guess." he sighed.

"Krauser?"

"Who else?"

"What an asshole." she whispered.

"What about you? Who do I have to beat up?"

"You can have one guess." she quoted him. "I had hand-to-hand combat right after you."

Leon didn't say anything to that, he only stroked her cheek reassuringly and then gestured towards his bed. She lay down on his bed and tried to find a position where she leaves place for Leon as well. He joined her moments later and pulled the duvet over the two of them.

"Try to rest, okay? You need it." he whispered.

"I know." she started. "I just got to a point where I'm too tired to fall asleep."

"Do you want me to keep on talking?"

"If you want to."

One of his hands found her waist and pulled her shirt down to cover her skin, and then through the material he started to draw different shapes into her. First a square, then a circle, a triangle, a star and then a smiley face.

"Did I tell you that Claire called right before we had to come here?" he asked.

"No."

"Well she did. She told me all about what she wants to do" she closed her eyes as he started to talk. "and about who she met. She asked about us. She was surprised that we became flatmates, joking that that's how dumb romance books start..."

She fell asleep right after that, her mind finally finding peace at his words. What she didn't realize was how she was admired while she was sleeping and how well Leon slept next to her that night.

That was the first time they asked themselves if they are really just friends or something more.

•••

You'll always have Prince Charming, cariño

Their first night together as a couple shouldn't go like this - with this heavy, burning feeling inside their chests.

The well known feeling of guilt made that night harder than ever. It's been a while since they were this afraid of falling asleep and it wasn't easy to get used to again, even if they both got a routine for those nights.

Taking a shower, getting dressed for bed, cooking dinner and then watching something on the TV - trying to do everything slowly to avoid going to sleep, trying to keep their eyes open so they can concentrate on the crappy movie, trying to not think about who they lost.

"We should go to bed or you'll fall asleep on the couch." Leon was the first to break the silence and the tension in the air.

They were both watching some stupid comedy on the TV, but while Leon was sitting with tired eyes, she was resting her head on his thigh. Her eyes closed a few minutes ago and she almost fell asleep when he spoke up.

"I don't want to." she started. "I'll have nightmares and I really can't deal with them tonight."

Leon's hand started to stroke her back and she sighed - being there with him gave her a peace of mind, but it also made her really sleepy.

"I know what you mean - but we have to give it a try. We've been a through a lot and we need to rest."

"I know. I just-" she sat up so she can look at him. "I just don't want to relive Luis' death... I just can't."

Leon looked at her like she said the exact thing he had been feeling and thinking about. He gave her a sad smile and took her hand in his, drawing the usual shapes into her skin with his thumb.

"Luis didn't deserve to die." she continued, trying to get everything what hurts off of her chest. "Even if he was always flirting or being annoying; he was nice. And he was really trying to do the right thing."

"And he was your biggest supporter." Leon added with a small, honest smile.

"No, he was our biggest supporter." she corrected him, letting out a giggle as she remembered all the things he said to her. "He was trying to make me see what our relationship truly is- that what you and I have is more than friendship."

"He was right, wasn't he?"

She nodded and the smile she had disappeared as she got back to reality. To the reality where Luis Serra is dead no matter how hard she tried to save his life.

She thought about the memories she shares with Leon and realized that no matter what they do or where they go, they always meet with tragedy and death. Those things overshadow their relationship and its development, not letting them fully enjoy what they have.

Luis would've loved to see their confession. He would've loved to see their faces when they realize they both feel the same way about the other. He would've wanted them to be happy.

Even if it's hard to be happy and smile.

What would he say? Something cheesy and romantic. Something like: You'll always have Prince Charming to make you smile even on hard days, cariño.

And he'd be right. She'll always smile when she sees Leon. She'll always laugh at his jokes. She'll get through everything if he's by her side.

"All right." she spoke up suddenly, making Leon stop his movements. "We can try and get some sleep- together."

"Together." he agreed and then leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead.

God, Luis would be smirking with that proud, annoying smirk of his.

A few moments later they were cuddling under the duvets in Leon's room; her head was on his chest as he was stroking her back. She didn't dare to close her eyes yet, but she enjoyed the closeness with her lover.

Lover, she thought. It's good they had Luis to make them see they are better lovers than friends.

That's how she should remember him. Luis Serra, the best wingman the world has ever known. The bravest, kindest wingman the world has ever known.

"Leon?" she spoke up in the darkness as she closed her eyes.

"Yes? Is something wrong?"

"No. There's nothing wrong. Everything is fine when I'm with you." she explained when she heard the fear in his voice. "I just wanted to say I love you."

For a moment Leon's heartbeat and breathing changed, and his hand stopped.

"I love you too, darling. Now try to get some sleep, okay?"

"Promise me you'll wake me up if you have a nightmare..."

"I promise, but the same goes for you."

Leon pressed one last kiss to the back of her hand and then they both closed their eyes, trying to enjoy the other's presence, knowing they don't have to be afraid of nightmares. Not when they have the other.

•••

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ineffably-human · 8 months

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it's how definitive it is for me. it's how we've actually ficced and debated this for years and they wrote it so crudely and unimportant, in a way that they can't really revisit later. no chance of more thoughtful or better storytelling next year, about one of your show's central goddamn questions.

this is our arguable main character, he is our entry point into everything else. and as that entry point, Guillermo's story is about dedicating his entire life to something, finding meaning in it since he was young, finding and latching onto it when he's not even supposed to know it exists. clawing his way forward for a place at the table where he's decided he wants to sit. risking his life at least a half dozen times I can think of.

Guillermo's story is about damaging his relationship with the entire rest of the world, throwing himself in with people who take years to admit they even like him. rejecting his family and his innate nature and lineage. tying his most important relationship up in it: this is the person who'll give him the thing he wants most in the world. one day Nandor will look him in the eye as an equal, as someone Like Him, who can stand next to him forever. his relationship with Nandor, at every stage, has always been a combination of 'do I want you or do I want to be you? does claiming me as one of yours mean I am yours? am I allowed to have forever with you?'

Guillermo's story, this season, is reacting to every single stage and marker of finally getting what he wants with joy, with the exceptions of 1) stepping away from a family that never seemed to understand or fulfill him in the first place, 2) having it happen in a less than ideal place and way, hurting Nandor in the process. the central problem of his turning isn't his feelings, which are extremely clear, it's how this impacts his relationship with Nandor. (answer: exactly the way you think it will. he's upset and then he gets over it. nothing else changes.)

and then suddenly we're told: Guillermo can't be trusted about what he's consistently said he wants. he hasn't given thought to a regular, inextricable piece of what it means - even though he's been next to, and engaged in, violence that's way more direct and bloody and sometimes even more senseless. the guy whose vampire entry point was Anne Rice never thought about The Horrors for some reason, because he's an idiot now. some people can Handle It and some people Can't, and he Can't because by the way when the vampires said he couldn't get what he wanted because he was lacking in some way, they were right.

suddenly, in the eleventh hour, it's off the table now. and even though every single other part of him has been tied up in it for his entire adult life, that's somehow a simple decision to make.

and more importantly, the show is going to take maybe five minutes at best to tell us that, and to make it clear it's not something that's a 'maybe' or a 'someday'. character development can't smooth it out. he can't try to fix it. it's just how it is.

yeah, of course in life you prepare for things that then swerve unexpectedly and take you in different directions. there are things you dream of that aren't how you imagine in reality, and you change gears, and you adapt.

and those are huge moments. they matter.

Guillermo doesn't get to mourn it. he doesn't get to reflect on where it places him with his loved ones. he doesn't even really get space to decide it on his own before declaring it in front of everyone he's ever met.

he has no anchor for his entire place in the world anymore, and if the amount of attention and care paid (read: very little) means anything, we're not supposed to feel very much about that at all. and we're not meant to have any indication of where he's going next. and I fucking hate it.

it's a lazy, thoughtless, botched-ass job, and I expected better.

#fandom: wwdits #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #guillermo de la cruz #i am a meta gremlin #i am very sleep-deprived and very not normal about a fictional guy #so this is more unhinged than usual

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queseraone · 2 months

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Writer’s ask game: anything you haven’t already been asked or answered

😘

4. How do you channel characters' voices and personalities? I watch scenes over and over again, and honestly I find reading other fic helpful. This sounds awful, but reading examples of something that isn't in their voice or matching their personality makes it clearer when it's right.

6. Do you prefer writing shorter, standalone fics or longer, multi-chapter stories? I definitely lean toward one-shots. (And let me just call myself out here... I've written one multi-chapter fic and it's been sitting unfinished for 5+ years 🙈) So if I was to try to tackle another multi-chapter idea, I'd need to have a clear vision for how to have it play out.

8. Do you have any rituals or habits that help you get into the zone? No, but I really should try to create some lol.

9. Have you ever collaborated with someone else on a fic? Yes! It's a fun challenge and I'm excited to do it again!

13. What's the most challenging aspect of writing fanfiction for you? Feeling confident in my ideas. That feels like a stupid thing to say, but I struggle with coming up with ideas for stories. If I have a vision, I can (usually) execute it, but so often I find myself questioning if an idea is worth writing or not. (Also summaries, they're a bitch!)

16. How important is it to you to stay true to the original creator's vision while writing fanfiction? It's extremely important to me. To me, that's the whole point of fanfiction - you love the characters enough that you want to play with them! If you throw their original characterizations out the window, you're just writing original fiction and plugging in the characters' names. [steps down from soapbox]

17. What's the most memorable comment or review you've received on one of your fics? Oh man, can I say all of them??? I truly cannot express how much joy a comment brings, and I absolutely go back and re-read them when I'm feeling down about my writing. My favourite is when someone quotes my work back at me, I swear it makes my face hurt from grinning so hard!

19. What's the most unusual or unique setting you've used? I guess the ski cabin because it's so far removed from Los Angeles?

20. How do you approach action sequences or intense moments? Action scenes are scary, and I'm not super keen on tackling that again - but I will say what helps is (I sound like a broken record on this point) having someone you can bounce things around with, and (as stupid as this sounds) blocking it. I mimed kicking my husband down the stairs to figure out where Lucy's foot would connect with her attacker (and good thing I did, because it was way higher up than I'd guessed!)

22. What role does humor play in your writing? Do you enjoy adding comedic elements to your fics? I don't consider myself a funny person. I try to inject humour into my writing sometimes (depending on the situation), but I'm not sure it's super successful!

23. How do you write endings for your fics? Do you prefer open-ended or conclusive conclusions? I hate endings. Hmm maybe this is my answer for #13. I think sometimes you go into a fic knowing exactly how you want it to end (sometimes even down the closing line), and other times I find myself circling the drain, totally lost on the right way to close it. The story never really ends as far as I'm concerned, so I lean more open-ended I guess? Especially since I tend to write more missing moments.

24. What advice would you give to someone who wants to start writing fanfiction? Don't be afraid to ask for help. Check your grammar (little things like your/you're go a loooong way). And please make sure you're spelling characters' names correctly... But truly just go for it. There's an audience out there for pretty much everything!

26. How do you approach plot twists or surprises in your fics? So I'm absolutely evil and absolutely live for this kind of moment. I still feel a sense of (villainous) pride over the plot twist I threw into the end of the opening chapter of an old fic. It's fun keeping people on their toes!

27. What two (or more) fandoms would you like to see a crossover for? Would you ever write it? Do I have to pick? Because I'm truly not a fan of crossover fics, especially between fandoms! And I don't really watch many other shows right now, so it's hard to say. Chenford getting called in to break up a fight between queens on RuPaul's Drag Race? That's the best I can come up with!

29. Are there any characters, relationships, or general character dynamics you've never written about but would like to try? Nearly everything I've written in this fandom is jut Tim and Lucy. Other characters' involvement has ranged from minimal to nonexistent, so I think it would be fun to play with that more. Top of my list would be to write more Tim and Angela moments, because they're my favourite relationship outside of Chenford.

30. How do you handle writing multiple storylines or subplots? I've never tried!

31. Do you prefer writing from a single character's perspective or switching between different viewpoints? I think I prefer picking a single character and writing from their perspective (still in the third person though), but I'm certainly not opposed to switching back and forth.

32. Have you ever participated in fanfiction contests, challenges/fests? YES! @chenfordsecretsanta, we'll see y'all again next year! And I participated in Chenford Week for the first time last summer!

33. How do you incorporate world-building elements into your fics? I haven't really done this, I tend to just stick within the show's universe.

34. Are there any fic writing tips or tricks you've learned along the way that you'd like to share? If you're unsure about dialogue, say it out loud. It's weird but highly effective. And for the love of god, if you wake up in the middle of the night with an idea (because that's always when it happens) make the note. No, you will not remember it in the morning.

Now I need a fucking nap, holyyyyyy. If you've made it to the end, congratulations, you deserve a trophy 🏆

#asked and answered #fic writer ask game #ask games #roguetwelve

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acourtofthought · 5 months

Note

"So for the fact that Az wanted Gwyn specifically to have something then panicked at the thought of being given credit for the kindness, he got shy and tried to backtrack? That is a beautiful thing."

It really isn't. Him wanting to get rid of the necklace bc it's making him sad is not kindness. And Az didn't want gwyn specifically to have it, as he very clearly said “if there’s another priestess here who might appreciate it, give it to them."

Az "panicked, showed kindness, got shy and tried to backtrack" Idk where you're getting all these range of emotions from Azriel. It's HIS pov. Everything he is saying and everything he's thinking is on the page. If he didn't mean that when he said, "if there's another priestess,.... give it to them" it would be on the page. Just like when he thinks "He wouldn’t go as far as to call Gwyn a friend" it's on the page.

Everything he's thinking would be on page? Oh, so you mean the part where he didn't argue with Rhys that he didn't just wanted Elain for sex right? Since he didn't comment on Rhys saying "if you need to fuck someone then go to the pleasure hall and pay for it" or think how wrong Rhys was in his assumption, Rhys must have gotten it right. Otherwise we have had on page sentence of Az vocalizing or thinking that Rhys had it wrong according to your logic.

Yeah, sucks when your own arguments bite you in the ass.

Here's the funny thing when E/riels try to throw around that "he wouldn't go as far as to call Gwyn a friend".

He's known Gwyn for a few months and the training ring that Solstice night is the very first time he's ever actually talked to Gwyn about things not related to training.

What would you expect Az to think of her as? Friends are people who hang out one on one, who talk outside their responsibilities. At that point Gwyn was no more his friend than Emerie was his friend but I'm going to point you in the direction of the Throne of Glass series where a certain male love interest once said this to his mate:

A feral smile, and he grabbed her by the chin—not hard enough to hurt, but to get her to look at him. “First thing,” he breathed, “we’re not friends. I’m still training you, and that means you’re still under my command.”

You guys really think you've got something when you try to throw that line in people's faces when all you're doing is proving exactly why Gwynriel is the perfect setup for an SJM endgame pairing.

And yes, Az did want it to be given to Gwyn specifically.

It's right there on page that she was the one he first spoke of and it was only after Clotho tried to push him to confess he left it that he was uncomfortable because he didn't want the credit.

And maybe he wasn't comfortable keeping it but you know what happened? What started as something that had negative memories associated with it....

.... left him in such a better place. It's really nice that the thought of Gwyn's happiness brought him such joy in that moment, don't you think?

What started off a shitty experience turned into one that was positive.

You know what else is on page? "He hadn't gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to". And that's for a female he's known for how long? A female you'll claim he has feelings for? That from a male who planned his snowball victory for a year? It's nice that between ice balls and Elain there's a clear favorite deserving of his time and attention.

I'd rather be the "not a friend" who he looks at with admiration and amusement, the one whose happiness sparks something in his chest than the girl who only seems to stir emotions in his pants 😬

So yeah, the first hints of a Gwynriel mating bond is definitely more romantically coded than anything else we saw in that chapter.

Lust and bitterness being all he feels for Elain do not an epic love story make.

#anti e/riel #pro gwynriel

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heartstringsduet · 6 months

Text

Thanks for creating this Weekend WIP ask @welcometololaland . Guess who's not just wide awake at 5 am and half-blindly misunderstanding this is not a ask game but a fill-in thing? OOPS. SORRY thanks for tagging me @rmd-writes @alrightbuckaroo @lemonlyman-dotcom For Writers

1. WIP List: First Aid (Lying fools trying to fix the other)

Let Me Part 5 (D/s verse) TK turning 30 collab with @strandnreyes New Year's Day (meeting over and over on new years) Fathers (daddy issues the fic) 5 things Carlos isn't good at Christmassy short?

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest? First Aid. 120k that might be cut down or...expanded? but like 100k for sure will end up published.

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest? See above. Want to take some time away from more than 50k projects after this. Good luck Michelle.

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

Right now TK turning 30 is a wonderful reprieve because it doesn't really have a plot and I love written character deep-dives. But also, seeing the finish line of First Aid really made me sit down and enjoy writing it again.

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

Ugh don't want to be a one-trick pony but First Aid has a lot of things that intimidate me. Like making both of them recognizable despite some very different circumstances for them. But also keeping all plot-points and the pacing and the OCs consistent and in line? UGH.

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why? See above. Added pressure for me thinking no one will like it because it really does have flawed characters and a lot of lying and back and forth and drama baby drama. Maybe people won't like the finished thing as much as the snippets. Maybe I will be disappointed by the response.. Maybe maybe maybe

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why? For longer fics or fics that mean much to me I do ask betas and they are TREMENDOUS helps and just a joy to me. I am in awe of all of you, taking the time to help make something shine more. <3 Still considering asking someone to sensitivity read First Aid but feel like 120k might a bit too much to ask of someone. So maybe I will ask for feedback once I update instead and hope I don't offend anyone and am open to criticism. Or maybe if you read this and want to be a sensitivity reader particularly for representation of Latino characters, would love that <3

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block? Oh some have been on hiatus more like. like the 5 things Carlos can't do or the Fathers one. I really like what I have there so far but then other projects get in the way. First Aid definitely had some writer's block moments so I wrote other things like Let Me in between.

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

Well, First Aid has a few OCs actually and none of them totally the ones everyone will love. But I do like writing Arturo, as a cousin to Carlos, even if he definitely won't be liked much.

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

Let Me series for sure. That's just where the 5% sexual frustration I feel a year goes lol.

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

First Aid is like a dark pool of angst. Whoops. Let Me isn't without its fair share of hurt/comfort though.

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)? Fathers. I try to be very close to the source material to explore the relationship of TK and his father and Carlos and Owen through the lense of Carlos and how it changes over time.

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)? My weaknessss. I guess First Aid though. Trying to do some of New York justic,e but ultimately won't probably.

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

Well for the sheer length and plot and time: First Aid.

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why? See above and see my doubts about First Aid. 😶

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

I WISH. I wish I dreamt about people other than my former high school friends?

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't? The new part of the Let Me series deals with grief and self-harm in a very specific scenario of being in a relationship with Dom/sub dynamics. I think that's fascinating and I wanted to write that part for a while.

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour? Did i mention the angst part? But I guess 5 things Carlos isn't good at

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process? Yes! TK turns 30 is actually about so many relationships TK has outside of the romantic one. I LOVE that. Since I have more experience with friendships than even family ties, and deep-dive into my own psyche way too much, I think this one is really challenging and fun.

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

I ave like 10k minimum of First Aid that is all different versions of the characters and scenarios that make no sense anymore. Also, coming up with 5 fun things Carlos can't do wasn't that easy. he is TALENTED. I tag @decafdino @ambiguouspenny @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @lightningboltreader @noxsoulmate @chaotictarlos @louis-ii-reyes-strand @carlos-tk @ladytessa74 @freneticfloetry @orchidscript

#might do the artist one too #or am I annoying yet?#michelle was tagged #tg

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envies-writing-corner · 1 year

Note

hii would like tender relationship headcanons for heartslabyul with a giggly and sociable mc with golden curls, yeah mc look something like goldilocks from the farytale /ᐠ. .ᐟ\ฅ♡⸝⸝ that's all <3 thanks yuu and have a good day ^^ *hug*

Making it Just Right

Genre: Fluff

Contains: Heartslabyul boys

CW: none

Word Count: 602 (without A/N)

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Riddle Rosehearts:

-Riddle would greatly enjoy spending time with a goldilocks MC, at first he'd be drawn to the need of perfection, watching as you'd run around trying to make things 'just right' as you'd say.

-Dating Riddle would be filled with events such as unbirthdays and attending his equestrian club meets, he'd definitely love having you around the dorm as his significant other but doesn't like how little rules you follow do to your goldilocks nature.

-Seeing you interact with others is always a joy as well, specifically with his dormmates, trying to help out and gossip as much as you can, always seeming to have made a new friend every time you visit.

-Yep, this relationship is just right.

Cater Diamond:

-Dating Cater is a match made in heaven with your bubbly personality and his influencer type status on magicam. You'd always have the most perfect couple pictures posted, whether it's small snippets of your dates or just you two laying about enjoying each others company.

-Cater would love spending all the time he can with you, always relying on your key eye of perfection when it comes to camera angles and lighting for new pictures.

-Just as sociable as you, so I can assure you, you'd be great friends with the light music club, the four of you sitting around the room after a practice gossiping about latest trends and school news.

-This relationship isn't too low or too high, it's perfect.

Ace Trappola:

-Oh where to start...

-The fact that you, a goldilocks personality, can even put up with the ever chaotic soul and spirit that is Ace is a blessing in it of itself. You're Riddle's favorite of all of Heartslabyul's significant others, obviously not counting his own.

-Whenever you're around, Ace clearly tries to impress you, which results in him losing his head. Though you're influence is definitely starting to rub off on our chaotic neutral boy here. With you adding an input in most situations, public or private, Ace starts to actually think through what he does or plans on doing.

-Despite constantly wanting to impress, he doesn't want to see you hurt because of his antics, most of what he does is only done if it means you're safe and ok.

-His love for you is beyond just right, and it makes your heart flutter every time.

Deuce Spade:

-Basically Ace 2.0 but with more braincells. This means he has two more braincells. Because Deuce follows in almost everything Ace does, it results in you sometimes getting stuck in the middle. Even if Deuce tries to keep you away, because of your sociable personality, it causes slight airheaded traits and moments.

-With the want to keep you safe and to be a son that his mother could be proud of, Deuce will do his best to make you happy, sometimes at the risk of facing Riddle's wrath.

-You want to come to an unbirthday with him? He's unknowingly annoying the dormhead for permission. You want him to sleepover and spend the whole night cuddling? He's sneaking out of the dorm to keep you warm in the bitter ramshackle hovel.

-Spending time in public with you is amusing, seeing you chattering about with almost every student is adorable, he loves seeing your eyes glittering and the bounce in your stance as you ramble. He does get jealous if your attention is on another for a while but can you blame him? You're just too cute when happy.

-While under his protection and in his loving arms, you'll be just right in this new world.

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Authors Note: Thank you for the request! As stated previously I won't be writing for specific characters due to not knowing enough about them, one of these characters is Trey Clover, I apologize if you were looking forward to his but I currently don't have too much knowledge about him.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst #Riddle Rosehearts #Riddle x reader #Riddle Rosehearts x reader #heartslabyul x reader #ace trappola #ace trappola x reader #ace x reader #Deuce Spade #Deuce spade x reader #deuce spade #Cater Diamond #Cater x reader #cater diamond x reader #twisted wonderland

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allenvooreef · 2 months

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AUTHENTICITY and SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE for Raiden (thank you for giving us the good stuff hehehe)

OH HELLO STRANGER prepare for an essay

AUTHENTICITY– What are sub- and unconscious things that make them who they are? Who can they be themselves with, and who do they wear a mask for? What kinds of social roles do they perform?

What a question to ask of the man with all the masks...! As previously stated, Raiden is currently going through a kind of identity crisis where he's unsure which parts of himself were a performance and which parts are genuine. Subconsciously, though, there have been plenty of moments where the 'real' him peeked through - especially in the presence of Annori, Kevin and Ara. He realizes this at least in part; it's what made him stop running. Deep down, Raiden longs for connection with the people around him. Not the kind he's surrounded himself with these past years, the fleeting joys of being a footnote in the stories of countless strangers, but the lasting kind. It's why he absent-mindedly fidgets with his mother's ring when he's stressed. It's why he's felt compelled to do nice things for his friends, to care for them in ways that stretch beyond the present moment, even if he's done so in secret. Like sending that letter to help Annori track down her mom - that's not a logical thing to do at all for the 'i'm-only-here-for-the-money' persona he was trying to portray. But it's exactly what a lonely young man would do who desperately wants to keep his loved ones from going through the things he's been through. Making the fact that that letter sort of back-fired all the more scary - it hit much closer to home than he probably realized! Bluntly said, the parts of him that are real are the parts of himself he sees reflected in his friends. And his desire to help them with their struggles is, in that sense, subconsciously also an effort to heal his own inner child.

The masks he wore were usually meant to be forgettable, easily blending into the background. He put himself in the position of a facilitator, a conduit, the gentlest push in the right (or wrong) direction. Always meant as a juxtaposition to others, he only was to get them to be a certain way. That means that those moments where his friends look beyond the surface and really see him, and try to know him, it takes a conscious effort to not deflect that. He doesn't know how to be in that kind of spotlight in a genuine way. He's getting to know himself through those moments as much as his friends are.

SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE– Do they experience emotional empathy (innate ability to feel emotions for other people’s feelings, i.e. happiness at success, grief at loss, etc), or cognitive empathy (may not feel grief but has a logical understanding that loss is painful, may not feel happy but has an innate understanding that someone’s success is a celebrated thing)? Are they aware of their own emotions and reactions? How well are they able to manage their emotions?

Managing his emotions is something he's relied on for years now, and something he's gotten a little too good at. Raiden lives mostly in his mind, and approaches feelings by analyzing and rationalizing them rather than feeling them. Cognitive empathy definitely matches that mindset. Which is useful when you've relied for a long time on eliciting certain emotions from people in order to get something you want. Emotional manipulation would be a lot harder when you're actually feeling the hurt you're causing. He's definitely a lot less heartless than he believes himself to be, however - something he's learning only now that he isn't moving around all the time. Staying in one place, with the same people, for too long it's not as easy as it used to be to shake off all those feelings he's been catching. If he stops running for long enough, perhaps something will take root and dig into all those emotions he's been trying so hard not to have to feel for all these years.

#eef talks #raiden #thank you therapy for making me realize even more parts of myself i've project onto this idiot #too smart for his own good smh

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tea-tarot-and-me · 9 months

Text

A Spoonful of Encouragement Pick-a-Pile

Take a moment to center yourself and head towards the colour that calls to you most below the line.

Disclaimer: These readings are for entertainment purposes only and are not to be used in place of medical, legal or professional advice.

Pile 1 - Blue

Oracle 1 : Deeply Bonded

Oracle 2: Like Attracts Like

Tarot: The Chariot, The Empress, King of Cups

This pile, are you feeling a bit hesitant about new relationships coming your way? I'm getting this image of someone running towards you carrying a giant, glittery, absolutely tacky heart and you taking one look at this offering and running in the other direction in a panic. Fast.

Which is hilarious because I think you've been calling in new relationships. You've put in work and are still actively putting in work on yourself because you're aware that you need (and want!) to be in a healthy place for yourself.

A reminder, you don't need to be a chameleon. Be you, enjoy the things that bring you joy. I know that there's always some vulnerability in being completely yourself with another person. But the most important part is that you already recognize the power and sweetness in being vulnerable and you understand the wisdom in being discerning at the same time.

While the chance to get to know someone may come in fast, the effort that needs to be put in to grow some good roots will definitely take time. And I think you are looking for something deeper or equally as deep as you've gone in previous relationships.

You're sending out love (friendship, caring, nurturing) vibes and it's okay to proceed with caution where needed, but don't let a good thing pass you by!

Pile 2 - Green

Oracle 1: Don’t Give Up

Oracle 2: Miracles and Blessings

Tarot: 5 of Cups rev, 2 of Cups rev, 8 of Pentacles, Justice

You guys have already been through the wringer. You've already fought your way back and partially accepted what brought you low. In response, you poured yourself into something which may have began as a distraction but now is something legit you're pursuing.

Keep growing your skills, it never hurts to add another tool to your arsenal. But back to whatever hurt you, you don't have to return to it. You don't have to make it work or even make it pretty. This "don't give up" message is a reminder that you aren't held captive by the thing that hurt you. You can move forward and honestly, you probably already have in a lot of ways!

I think you may sometimes fixate on how a thing wasn't fair or how a situation should've been made right in your favour. Let that go. Let go by looking for the wonderful little things you encounter everyday. Let it become a habit until you can't so easily recall why that situation made you feel a certain way.

Don't forget, not especially if it was a lesson that needed to be learned. Perhaps the lesson was a balancing of the scales, only you know. Sit with yourself and take the time to understand the why of your hurt if you need to. But definitely let yourself be free. Don't give up!

Pile 3 - Amber

Oracle 1: The Unknown

Oracle 2: Listen With Your Heart

Tarot: Queen of Cups rev, 9 of Cups, The Tower rev

Okay, my wave riders! For some of you riding the waves of life comes easily and for some of you, not so much. However, this is the stage of life you currently find yourself in and it isn't obvious where you'll land at the end of it all.

I feel like you already know not to fight against the current you'll only exhaust yourself. Now whether that's because you've learned that lesson recently or a long time ago, good job!

As strange as it sounds, in the crazy chaos of heading into the unknown and new and possibly exciting/terrifying, you already know that you come through a bit easier if you release control. What little you can call yours with a certainty right now you're learning to find satisfaction in. Let me tell you that's so powerful.

Just a quick reminder, learn to hone and trust your intuition. I feel like it'll help you feel a little less lost along the way. You've got intuition in spades, I've been talking about it this whole reading!

Decks used: Journey Through Life Oracle, Whispers of Love Oracle, Rider Waite Tarot

#take care!#pick a pile #mine

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ambiguouspuzuma · 9 months

Text

Cloak and dagger

It took longer than she'd have liked to admit, but Ruma eventually saw the futility of looking for the Cloak of Invisibility by herself. Not because she was a cyclops - it was only her peripheral vision that was lacking, and she'd learnt to turn her head more to compensate - but because it was bloody hard to find.

Her initial search had yielded neither shimmering hide nor ethereal silvery hair - she'd seen the woodcuts in her books, even if she'd never come across one in person - but then of course it wouldn't have, as she now realised far too late. It didn't mean that the store didn't have one, especially as Zabra's Magical Artefacts seemed to have at least one of everything else. It just meant that it actually worked.

She'd been going about this all the wrong way. This shop had a keeper, peering over the counter over there, and it didn't hurt to simply ask whether they had one in stock - and, if so, how exactly one might go about finding where it was. Ruma loved a good rummage through the racks of the dressmakers elsewhere in the city, but sometimes even the most enthusiastic shopper had to let an expert take the lead.

"Hello?" she addressed the proprietor; presumably the eponymous Zabra herself. "I was wondering if you could help me - I'm on the hunt for a Cloak of Invisibility."

"You wouldn't be the first." The shopkeeper, whatever her name, was unmistakeably an elf. She was not merely elvish, but elvest, from her pixie-cut hair to her spritely demeanour; she had ears that tapered more sharply than the dagger at Ruma's belt, and eyes that seemed to see right through her. "Come on, I'll help you look."

Their ten minute search yielded a Cloak of Visibility, which seemed to be nothing but a set of fluorescent yellow robes, a Cloak of Impish Ability ("perfect for your low-level hexes and the like"), a Cloak of Indivisibility ("impervious to most blades, although a mace or hammer'll still mash you up something frightful"), and even a potion labelled 'Cloacal Invisibility' in the dragonborn section, which her host refused to explain.

"Are you sure you don't want a Clock of Invisibility?" she asked. "I'm sure there's one around here somewhere. The ticking has been driving me insane."

"No, definitely a cloak. Are you sure you actually have one?"

"Oh, I wouldn't forget about that. I've just misplaced it, is all. The last I saw it I'd draped it over the hat rack."

"What hat rack?"

"Exactly."

Ruma narrowed her eye. "Why do I feel like you're not being completely up-front with me?"

"What, like you're being with me?" The elf raised an eyebrow, which always came across to Ruma like showing off. "Why'd you want this cloak, anyhow? To sneak into someplace you're not meant to be, right? Maybe to take something that isn't yours?"

"That's confidential."

"Oh, sure, I'd hate to imperil your livelihood." She sighed. "Look, the last customer to buy an invisibility cloak from this store came back that night for everything else. I'm not so sure I want to go through all that drama again."

It had been three years since that night. She'd only taken it off for a moment, to try on a magical hat, exploring the shop's cave of wonders. She'd been in earlier that day, but there had been no time to peruse the rest of the wares: the previous shopkeeper, an elderly gnome named Zabra, had been watching her closely, and she hadn't want to raise any suspicions before the cloak was safely in her arms.

But when it had been time to make her escape, she'd never found it again. She'd retraced her steps, looking for the hook, but with no more joy than this cyclops was having today. She'd been so long looking, in fact, that the first customers had arrived to rap on the locked door, and she'd had to improvise, lest the city watch be called.

Strangely, the previous shopkeeper never came back. Perhaps, ironically, he'd seen her coming.

#writing #short story #fantasy #original fiction #writeblr

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duck-in-a-thrift-store · 27 days

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Welp I have an update on the whole psych testing situation

He called me today to ask a couple more questions and go over some things.

This guy proceeds to ask if I was interested in being physically intimate with people, to determine whether or not they should look further into schizoid personality disorder, because apparently that was a thing they were considering for me???

And I'll get right back to that but like, pressing pause for a moment: what if I was just a sex-repulsed ace? And they took that as evidence of a completely different disorder I don't have? Kinda concerning, but anyway, back to the fact that they were even looking into that as a possibility,

So there's that, and also the fact that I allegedly don't quite meet the criteria for an autism diagnosis, but I'm genuinely taking that as a testing error and, fortunately, an official dx for autism doesn't really matter to me. I know my brain better than someone who's spoken to me a handful of times, and I don't necessarily want it on record anyway (I've heard there are some cases where clinically diagnosed autistics are discriminated against within like, legal and employment systems)

See this is why I have such low confidence in the testing process. They really don't know me and the process doesn't give them a chance to get to know me, not really, because sure a lot of my behavior might present as spd but the motivations behind it makes it completely different, like literally so so different. I'm most definitely not uninterested or indifferent or apathetic to closeness and relationships with other people- I want these things so badly it hurts. I'm not innately antisocial I'm just so fucking nervous and uncomfortable all the time that it's incredibly difficult to behave socially.

Also, spd involves "difficulty with empathy" and "restricted range of emotions" neither of which apply to me. I do feel like my experience with empathy is abnormal but I most definitely do experience it, like, a lot, like crying over the experiences of people I've never met and breaking down over somebody else's doomed goats; and I know I have a sharp variety of emotions, I'll flip from feeling giddy with joy to feeling like life isn't worth living and while that's also not normal it definitely doesn't sound like a "restricted range" to me

Now, on a more positive note!

He did say I'm eligible for adhd meds and academic accommodations, which were the main things I was hoping to get out of this whole ordeal, so that's a major fucking relief

#personal #duck's thoughts #adhd assessment #adhd #autism #neurodiversity #psychology

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nieithryn · 2 months

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GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

respond to the prompts out of character!

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have? These days, especially in this fandom, it's usually the relationships between either a friend's muse and the character, or another of my muses and a character. But looking at some of my main kiddos, or my OCs? I write characters that embody something that fascinates me. Frequently it's a new take on strength through adversity, or the reforging of the self after trauma. Sometimes it's something I identify with deeply, like Mace and Quinlan's struggle with the Dark from a young age. Or Yularen being willing to do bad things for the greater good as he sees it. Or Cody being a protective big brother who can't always protect his brothers. And sometimes, just because it seems fun, like with Zam!

is there anything you don’t like to write? There definitely are, though they're rare. Few and far between, aside from the obvious hard no's of various kinds. I'll write almost anything if a partner and I have enough chemistry. But some of the things I'm less comfortable with are crossovers (never been quite sure why, fandom AUs are fine, but crossovers I struggle with), true crack, and angst or smut without some kind of purpose or plot. I love me some angst, but I need the comfort after, unless I'm writing a symbolic unhappy ending for some reason. There's a few muses I have for whom that would be appropriate or canon compliant, but otherwise the angst needs a gentle comfort after or some reason.

is there anything you really enjoy writing? Basically anything else! I'm pretty flexible, if my partner is interested I'll do damn near anything tbh. I love hurt-comfort especially, but I love me some good canon divergent "what ifs" and alternate takes on how characters meet or even hook up. It's fun sometimes to see how a complicated relationship can go so many different ways, where along the forks they might have gone different directions. I love writing the inbetween moments canon never shows us, because there's never enough time to. The ways those inbetween scenes might affect entire relationships, or should have. Honestly, give me all those little bits inbetween.

how do you come up with headcanons? Usually headcanons develop from my analysis of whatever canon I accept for my muse, sometimes from small facial or body language tells during a panel/scene, sometimes by extrapolating from something they say or are described to do. But sometimes it's actually extrapolating from their relationships with other characters, both the muses of my partners and the people they interact with canonically. You can tell a lot about a character by how they interact with loved ones, for instance.

do you write in silence or do you play music? This depends on the ADHD mood of the day. Most days, I have 1-3 songs on repeat to become such a smooth background I can write without silence, but not get distracted by lyrics or the instrumentation. But some days, I need complete and absolute silence because any noise will distract me and the replies will never happen. Oh the joys lol.

do you plan your replies or wing them? Kinda both, and it usually depends on the muse the reply is for. Some I can plot out really well, or get so excited to write that I spend hours plotting the right reply. And some either flow so naturally I can wing it, or unexpectedly just decide the plotted reply isn't the vibe of the moment when I'm actually writing, and off we go to the races!

do you enjoy shipping? Oh hells yes, absolutely. Romantic, platonic, absolutely I love shipping. In the purely romantic sense, while many of my muses over my time RPing are demisexual, I am always down to give them partners, and in platonic senses, family and friends and found family are just. So wonderful.

what’s your alias/name? Liz or Argent

age? 25

birthday? April 2nd

favorite color? Dark Blue, Silver, Gold

favorite song?

last movie you watched?

last show you watched? Uhhh Family Feud I think lol.

last song you listened to? Will The Circle Be Unbroken by Peter Hollens & Malukah (Honorary shout out to Baba Yetu as well bc they've been on a two song repeat lol)

favorite food? Oooh hard choice. Steamer clams or steamed artichokes.

favorite season? Autumn

do you have a tumblr best friend? I used to have a really close friend group on Tumblr I would've tagged, but many have since disappeared. Now it's @strcngered and I against the world, lol. Though @valorums/@prodijedi and @mayxthexforce are very very swiftly making it into that same level of vibe, so I'm rebuilding slowly but surely.

TAGGED BY: @valorums

TAGGING: Ohhhh just steal it, Callie snagged most of you anyway lol.

#About Liz #not such a stranger (ooc)#Let the Games Begin (Dash Games)

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xieyaohuan · 1 year

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Get to know your fic writer prompts, answer however many of these you are inclined to: 22, 35, 39, 63, 64. And I think I can answer 43 for you 😂 but if you have any elaborations… please.

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

Not sure I'd rule it out on principle, but I certainly don't write a lot of fluff, and I don't think I'd want to. Don't really write any comedy/humor, either, but it's more lack of talent there.

35. What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?

This is cliché af but if I'm trying to write a villain for fic where I'm trying to make a serious point, it's "they're the protagonist of their own story" and have complex emotional lives and motives for what they're doing. That said, when I write porn, I sometimes enjoy writing characters who are fully aware they are being evil sadistic bitches and simply dgaf because uhm I can relate.

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

“You need to tell your husband,” Maeve is letting the word melt on her tongue, “to back the fuck off and leave us alone.”

“You know I ain’t responsible for the cunt just because he’s decided he wants to play beauty and the fucking beast with me, right?”

Billy still has his own place, but he likes staying over at Vought Tower more than he cares to admit. Homelander is clingy and needy and willing to do just about anything if it’ll get him Butcher’s time and attention. He’d be lying if he claimed he wasn’t enjoying Homelander serving him breakfast in the morning, pouring him tea naked on his knees or making Billy feed him little morsels of French toast dipped in milk, begging to let him suck on his fingers. He is absolutely ridiculous in ways Butcher could have never foreseen, and he's enjoying it more than he should.

“Fascinating,” Maeve says. “I can’t decide which one of you is the beauty and which one is the beast.”

“I’m the beauty. Obviously.” Butcher bends over and starts kissing her, his hands searching for her bra under her shirt.

But Maeve isn't having any of his distractions this time and pushes him away. “Tell him to back the fuck off, I mean it, Butcher.”

“Know what?” Billy says. “I’ll do you one better. You can tell him yourself, and I bet you'll even get yourself an apology.”

Maeve burst our laughing, spitting her coffee half across the table. “An apology? From Homelander? What are you smoking these days?”

This time, it’s Billy’s turn to laugh. “Oh, I promise you you’ll get one. Tell you what, if you don’t, I’ll clean for you naked for a full month. How does that sound?”

Maeve grins. “Deal.”

43. Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

LOL I mean, what can I say. I love torturing my blorbos and making them beg (and I occasionally also love exploring the psychological aftermath of the ordeal). But I don't really enjoy gore, mutilation, or anything like that. Yes, it's gotta be unbearable for blorbo in the moment and he'd do anything to make it stop, but I want no organ damage or even a character death (I've made one character death exception in a fic, but I don't enjoy seeing my blorbos tortured if I know they're going to fucking die from it; definitely a massive instant turnoff.)

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

A couple of things. First, I guess, is basic mistakes, like, no lube of any kind during anal sex unless you're in ABO verse I guess, which I actually also kinda hate for no particular reason. Basic anatomy, too. Brings out my inner Stannis Baratheon. Then I just have a ton of super specific squicks that'll absolute ruin a fic for me. For smut I otherwise adore, I try to ignore them, but it's hard because they're instant turn-offs. I am hellafucking particular about any tickle fics I read, and it's almost impossible not to ruin one for me at least a little bit lol.

64. Something you love to see in smut.

Lots of things, light dom/sub dynamics, lots of begging and whimpering, big fan of bondage. Loss of control. Las Vegas State of Mind was super hot. Also dubcon and fucked up dynamics. Big humiliation kink. Trying to decide if I should count whump as smut because some of it sure is for me lol.

#asks #deliciouskeys #thank you!!!

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somehowmags · 9 months

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HAHA i guess i haven't seen enough bad takes from the fandom about leona (albeit i definitely have seen some) so i get the impression that vil is mischaracterized more often on average. regardless, ive also seen a lot of fanfic characterizing vil as this emotionally constipated and constantly nagging narcissist who is incapable of showing affection and it makes me [rat clenches fist of rage]. im aware angst often draw out the worst part of a character for the feels, which in this case is vil's strict scrutiny BUT PLELALSLELADE IM SCREAMING MY TEARS ARE ON THE FLOOR.... how are you gonna ignore the scene in chapter 6 where vil literally moves past his stern housewarden persona in order to be vil schoenheit. not the actor, not the model, not the housewarden countless students look towards as a leader-- but vil schoenheit, friend of yours and ally. all to give epel, rook, and yoy; his beloved poison apple, his beloved hunter, and his beloved prefect, a hug and kiss.?? like. kuekd emfusjbfe.??? when he literally squeals for joy after getting his youth back from malleus? when he weeps as an old man? vil schoenheit IS an emotional person! he's an actor with responsibilities on his back, he's not gonna let others see him be anything but strict when the time isn't right! but the point is that he knows when to be soft and loving ESPECIALLY after his overblot!!! 3!&!$!!$!#! he cares so deeply for each and everyone of his pomefiore students and especially those closest to him-- his method of expressing his affection isn't just limited to the occasional praise or hug and kiss, he genuinely wants the best for you when he cares and he'll support you/offer help in achieving your best self! it's not just a byproduct of his need for perfection, but to love is to grow and change and metamorphosize from the flower to the succulent apple and he can see your potential. for the man who knows what it's like to never be enough, he knows you're more than. if only you try. if only you grasped your dreams with your bare hands because god does he dream of it for you. my point is that vil is genuinely one of the most loving characters, even if his ways aren't the most conventional or he may seem harsh. he's not heartless-- though im aware his reaction towards epels moment of emotional vulnerability in the vdc rehearsal gives off said impression, he's grown and changed. i doubt current vil would be so uncaring and stern still if you expressed hurt or discomfort over an austere sentiment he's said or done. if he knows it's what you need, he probably would take a softer and kinder approach. the same water that hardens the egg, softens the potato. he can learn, or perhaps he already understands that some people reach their potential differently-- especially as someone who has lived in the entertainment industry his whole lived, he may be accustomed to the unforgiving nature of its expectations BUT HES NOT ANYMORE!!! and he knows others lead a normal life outside of it, so the same approach taken to him likely wouldn't be suited for them! he won't ever stop trying to suggest betterments for your health, appearance, and outfits but if you express different sentiments he wouldn't take to forcing them onto you!! he just wants you to live your best life, because from what he knows, it brings you gratification and he WANTS you to succeed and be satisfied! im sorry i have a lot to feel about him, i just really despise seeing people overlook the caring trait of his in favor of cheap angst. for someone who has rook as his favorite i really cannot shut my zest fest mouth up about vil <|:-( love his ass

- same anon raving about vil from earlier pt.2 except im more insane

god yeah this is so true....i think about him cheering and crying after malleus restored his youth literally every day of my life he sounds so happy and relieved!!!! had to replay the scene of him kissing rook and epel and yuu like twice to process everything bc i was so !!! at him showing emotion it was so. and like him crying as an old man is mostly played for laughs but it's also so. holy shit. (also the fact that he isn't crying because he's "ugly" but because he wanted more time to play young roles before he started doing older ones.) he's so much more open and emotional in book 6 it's like he's realized he can stop being "the fairest of them all" and just start being vil. like the ice has melted!!! he's so endearing i have gotta hit him with a 2003 toyota corolla

also no this is in character for someone whose fave is rook. this is rook behavior alksjddfhalksjfhlkasdfh he would definitely be on magicam defending vil with his LIFE

#asks #twst #vil schoenheit

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littlestpetship · 1 year

Text

good morning! (selfship fic)

selfship writing under the cut! :) this is about me and scaramouche after leaving the fatui...o(^_^)o we now live in my teapot, where this takes place!

---

It was a sunny autumn morning, the chirps of songbirds outside the window filled the air of the bedroom shared by Kunikuzushi and his partner, Valerie.

Sun shined through the window and onto the bed, perfectly painting Valerie's face with sunshine. She let out a few soft snores as she dreamt about who-knows-what, occasionally shuffling under the blankets while they slept.

Kuni's face formed a smile at his lovers state, amused by how calm and at peace they looked. It felt... nice, that he was able to do this again.

He isn't the one called Scaramouche anymore. He isn't the almighty balladeer. He isn't the 6th of the fatui harbingers. He's just Kunikuzushi. And It wasn't small, It wasn't ugly - It was nice. It was a past joy he always feared to experience again.

The nickname "Kuni" that Valerie had always called him proved that maybe, it was always there - hidden underneath the protective walls he built for himself. But those walls are long gone, they had crumbled and fallen, and Kunikuzushi was brought back into the light.

Right now, he's exactly who he's meant to be. He's exactly where he's meant to be. He is no longer a puppet, or an empty shell - but a person. A person who feels. A person who loves.

And at this moment, he's happy. He lets himself enjoy the wonders of life, the wonders of being a person.

He's watching his lover sleeping soundly next to him, in a place where no one can hurt them ever again.

He reached a hand out to put a loose strand of hair behind her ear, earning a small flinch from them - her eyes fluttered softly, showing that she was now awake.

Embarrassed by being caught red-handed, his face turned pink with blush.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you." He apologized, now tracing his thumb over their freckled cheek.

She smiled sheepishly, rubbing her eyes to see him better.

"Good morning, Kuni!" She chirped, "I love you!"

He was taken aback, flustered by the sudden statement. Is that seriously the first thing she can think of when she wakes up?

He retracted his hand from her cheek and flicked their forehead, adding some anemo energy to it to give it more force; causing it to mess up her (already bed-head) hair.

"You're an idiot." Yep, this is definitely the Kunikuzushi she knows and loves.

Valerie let out a laugh, snuggling up closer to him, pressing a small kiss into the side of his neck.

Kuni sighed, "Don't cuddle up to me. I'll never get out of bed."

"Then don't!" She smiled childishly, burying herself near the nape of his neck. Kuni swore, if Valerie was a dog, her tail would be wagging right now. So clingy, he thought.

"Agh... Aaagghhhhh...." He jokingly groaned while squirming under the covers, trying to gain some sympathy - receiving only a giggle in response.

He smiled at her amusement, wrapping his arms around her torso tightly. He let out a big comfortable sigh, like a dog who just found their favorite spot.

"Only a few more minutes. I'm getting hungry."

She smiled into his shoulder with a satisfied hum, just happy to hold each other for a little while longer.

He held her close, taking in their scent. He was content, happy. A few more minutes of this wouldn't hurt.

"And..." He let out a dramatic sigh, "I love you, too."

#my writing #s/i #🎭#ok to rb :)#this is kinda silly cringe but whaaatever!!!!#maybe a little ooc but it doesnt matter if he loves meee :3c #self ship #self ship writing #self shipping #self ship community #self shipping community #f/o community

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