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ficcidio · 10 months

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MATILDA

paining: bf!bangchan x reader

genre: angst, fluff, comfort

warnings: reader is anxious, talking about depression, mentions of food, insecurities, swear words, family issues, idk if there's anything else

a/n: i feel so bad because i lost my old account ( @straycidio ) where i had this posted originally. i really hope you enjoy it, tho. if there’s anything wrong please tell me <3

ᯤ now playing: matilda by harry styles

— 시작

he had seen it. everything. every time you were anxious, sad, when you felt like everything was wrong. he had seen it, but you didn't notice. chris really tried to help you, but you just didn't want help. you thought it wasn't noticeable, maybe for other people it wasn't.

but you boyfriend saw everything.

everytime you stared at yourself too long in the mirror, everytime you locked yourself in the bathroom for hours, when you came late from work, when you didn't have energy to work at all. he did notice. maybe it was time to do something about it.

"are you okay?" his sweet voice asked. you were in front of him, but you weren't there. you were barely touching the food he spent hours doing even after a whole day at work.

you looked up at him and saw his worried face. "i'm fine" you lied "i'm just sleepy" you hated to lie to him but you truly didn't want him to worry. not with everything he had to do at work and the comeback he was preparing. it would be too much.

"you're not. you seem so distant"

the confidence he used in that sentence surprised you. how could he know it? you've been hiding it so well. you probably just couldn't pretend anymore. " really am, don't worry" you smiled at him and he looked down to his plate, empty, while yours was still full. you observed him quietly for a few seconds when he decided to glance back at you.

"when will you stop pretending, y/n?" he said, touching your hand. your eyes opened wide and your mouth did the same to defend yourself, but he interrupted you. "you can lie to everyone, but not to me. please, do not lie to me"

your eyes watered at his words, you were speechless. you couldn't say anything because he was right. you couldn't lie to him. he would always find out.

"i…” you tried to formulate a sentence, but the worlds didn't come out. "i'm sorry" a single tear ran down your cheek. you quickly used your thumb to wipe it, but chris grabbed your wrist and he did it instead. your eyes were connected and you somehow you felt the warmth you've wanted to feel all this months. the protection you needed.

"hey, no, no, it's okay" he said, standing up and walking to you. he leaned towards you and kissed your head. he later took you in his arms and sat on the couch to sit you on his lap. "what's wrong, baby?"

you tried to explain, but you just couldn't put the words together, it didn't make sense. he watched you struggle, and decided to pat your head. "you're okay, hm? it's okay, we have all the time you need" he comforted you with a gentle kiss on your cheek and hugged you while you let out more tears. your sobs started to become louder and your breathing quickened. you hid your face in the crook of his neck, his t-shirt started getting wet. "please, talk to me" he asked one more time "what's wrong?"

"everything is wrong! i-i just can't do this" you sobbed. he didn't answer, letting you more time to continue. "life keeps sending me lessons b-but all i want to do is brush my teeth and shower normally... i can't even do that! i... just can't." you vented

"no, you can" he said surely "you're so strong, you can do it. you might feel like you're dying but you're not. it will be fine"

"that's what i've been saying for years now... but it keeps worsening" you tried to catch your breath between your sobs and cries "my family, myself... what it's wrong with me? why am i like this?"

"like what, y/n?" he asked sweetly, analyzing your face all the time "like horrible!" you yelled, and when you watched his face you tried to calm down. "not even my own family likes me, chris" you whispered.

"let it go. it's not your fault. you can let it go, love" chris said, connecting his eyes with yours. "it is-" you were interrupted by him "no, it is not. it's been years and it hasn't changed because you don't want to let go. you don't feel capable and keep punishing yourself. but i don't believe that time will change your mind. in other words, i know they won't hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go"

"but i'm so sorry for them.." you tried your words to make sense, but they just didn't.

"you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up. anywhere you go, you don't need a reason 'cause they never showed you love. y/n, you don't have so be sorry for doing it on your own"

after half an hour of crying, your breathing calmed down and his arms felt more comfortable than they ever had. your eyes felt heavier each time and chris noticed. though your cheeks were still wet and you eyes were still red, something felt different. you felt better, your chest didn't hurt anymore, it was easy to breath. chris kissed your face sweetly and when you smiled at him, he did the same.

"my beautiful girl" he whispered next to your ear. “let's go to sleep" he then lifted you up and carried you to your bedroom. he grabbed one of his sweaters and put it on you, to later open the bed and get you inside.

"thank you. i'm sorry" you sighed. "you don't have to be sorry" he said gently, to kiss your face multiple times and later cuddle with you

"i love you" you muttered. you waited for an answer for a few minutes until you gave up and you focused on sleeping.

"i love you more"

#bang chan #bangchan fluff #bangchan angst #bangchan comfort #skz angst #skz fluff #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz x reader #stray kids #skz #bangchan x reader

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unfortunately-obsessed · 4 months

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All Things End

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Reader • Hurt no Comfort • AO3 link

In the end, all is quiet

You said many and many times to Miguel that being in love wasn't a weakness.

It was supposed to be easy. In-and-out, just trying to make a map of the warehouse Sinister Six were using. Empty room. Empty room. They've been doing some remodeling since last tim you've been there.

Just trying to get some pics. Maybe a manifest. Counting the number of goons. Your steps just like a mice's, soundless and light, using of the celling and vents to move undetected.

True to the word, you don't operate the same way most Spiders do. Peter B calls you sneaky and Jess slick, but Miguel respected you for not being reckless like that whole side of the multiverse.

The whiskey, rain and and knock-off cigars scent flooded your nose. Kraven and Sandman are playing poker over a wood box. Kraven got a Full House but you mentally bet on Sandman. Hah.

With the two as guards, you just needed to noiseless.

Empty room. Not empty room, filled with wire but nothing interesting. You had wondered what Doc Ock been planning now. Another empty room.

You don't know what hit you.

The hair in your neck raises, you can't feel your legs.

Mind goes blank with jasmine acid and white, room filled with gas and you weren't quick enough to dodge a kick to the mouth. You punch and cuss aloud before Kraken can lodge a knife on your throat.

Ears unable to hear and eyes unable to see for a sharp second. A tiny mystery. There's shouting and there's pain. Everybody has broken ribs by the end of it.

Your hand voracious raw against a face, so you fumble about what is up and what is down until Kraken is is either unconscious or close enough and there's sand on your lungs and socks.

Two seconds and hard cough is what it take for a metallic arm ragdoll you into a wall.

You bleed an unsurmountable amount.

When the fight is over and after you put Doc Ock to sleep, you hear sirens approaching. Crawling to a celling down the road, you throw up, head tripping.

It's disorienting and the sky doesn't have stars because, after all, you're in New York. The blinding lights are not from stars and your right side is all tender. And it smells like trash and oil. And you think of red eyes and pouty lips and a stubborn valiant man. You wish it to end faster.

Not reckless, huh. You wonder what went wrong and can't pinpoint it, but neither you can feel your fingertips, so all you think is never damage and concussion. Maybe you were just ill-prepared, payed the tool but couldn't pay the price. The shaking comes in waves.

You did say that being in love wasn't a weakness.

And it's true, which doesn't mean you also doesn't have to convince yourself.

Damn Ohio and Vermont. Hate New York the same amount you see it behind your eyelids. Kindness isn't free and both you and Miguel refused to put a name on this burning. You want to go home.

Sometimes the poem writes itself. Sometimes it doesn't need to be written. It untravelled all lungs.

Until the story ends all their heartbeats. Flickering matches. Teeth dripping lead.

Do you love Miguel? Not sure. Does it matter when you're bleeding? Unlikely.

A strange habit: Miguel sometimes travels half the multiverse to see why you weren't answering his calls. You hear him swallowing dry and panic in his eyes.

"M'fine," you say to him.

"You look like shit," he tells you, kneeling to be in your side, hands hovering over, unsure of what to do. Worried that holding you will cause more damage.

"Thanks," you say, calm despite the numbness growing each passing second. Moving was impossible on your current state. Instead, your throat burn at the sight of Miguel. "I can't feel my hands."

Even Miguel, a complete idiot on intersocial intelligence, notices the perfectly hidden edge on voice. You tell yourself that you'll sleep it off, perfectly tucking away the fear.

It's natural and inevitable. Miguel is calm despite himself. "It's alright," he says, voice smooth but deep, husky. Ah, you do love his voice. It could lull anyone to sleep. "You're going to be fine."

The story doesn't have a massage. The notion of it, itself, is ridiculous. In another life, we hold our hands together.

You scoff even if you tell yourself the same. Heart won't stop racing. His hand cupping your neck makes you almost believe it.

It's almost peaceful and quiet, and you can't hear the sirens or the city buzzling as it does. "I'm dying", you conclude, sharing it with him, like you do. At this point, there's not a piece of information you don't share with him.

Miguel's eyes grow wide, fast but you see it. "You're no-"

"Something's wrong, I'm not feeling pain," you say, throat dry and hurting, "I'm dying."

He says something to Layla, who toughly scans you with one droid. The conversation doesn't register on your mind. You place a hand over his.

His head snaps back to you, gaze over your bleeding body. "You lost blood," he tries, yet his voice wavered, "but you're not dying."

Tears. You're crying. His hands relax over your carotid, suddenly bare, calming your mind and breathes. Miguel's shoulders are tense, thumb caressing your cheek. When did you ever take the mask off?

Before throwing up, you think.

Finally, pain laces your head. Red spots on you suit, pooling, but the wound is to o big to stop the flowing. It's smearing him, too. You think, very clinically, that you could have tasted his lips if you both were not cowards.

A stupid mistake. You should have named what's between the two of you.

(You're dying and you can feel it. It's the bleedout and the heart going fast and Miguel denying it instead of saying you're an idiot if you think he'll let you die. It's the trembling and the getting harder to breath. It's the fact you're not in panic.)

He smells apple cinnamon pie and warm sweet home.

There's nothing he can do. Moving you may cause it to come faster. So you don't let him know how much it hurts to move at all. His stomach twists.

Miguel's instinct – always there to be blamed, making him unable to clearly process his thoughts, – is to reach out and engulf you on his arms. He moves slow, closer. He threads his fingers into your stained hair.

"I'm not stupid," you say to him, clenching at his other hand.

This declaration shocks him. As normally, Miguel can't hide the frown on his face. "I know you're not."

"No. I–" A few feverish moments pass. It hurts to breath. You might stare at him forever before blurting out, "Please kiss me."

Keeping you eyes open was starting to be a problem. The sky is spinning. All you feel is drozyness. Like you want to sleep. You want your bed.

"Sweetheart," he says, so slow and low you might have imagined it.

Hot, desperate tears streaked down your face. You couldn't keep appearances anymore, keep playing the waiting game with Miguel. You don't know what cause this pathetic display, but still wasn't worse than the numbness.

A gasp left your mouth as his lips pressed against yours. It settles deep within your chest, but all he probably taste is metal.

A low growl rumbled in your heart.

Why are you crying? It has leapt from my throat when we first spoke, alight when I first head your laughter, strong, hands gone rough with time. Your hands are trembling now.

Hungry mouth and lips. In the end, it's quiet.

Your face dropped the frown. Why are you crying? I cannot undo it. My heart under your palms, ribs de-boned and body peeled from skin. Glossy ruby eyes.

Sorry about the mess. Just hold me. In angry tears, never-mended flesh, and razor-sharp teeth, and sometimes I wondered about the needle edge of it. Guts half-spilled, and rocking waves.

Dear thing, we are bound by fate. I'll let you bring me anywhere.

Bleeding still, shining ribs.

Did you taste the best on the roof of my mouth?

A/N: If you like what I do, please consider supporting me and buying a coffee!

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o’hara x reader #atsv #across the spiderverse #miguel o’hara #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x you #arwrites #me!spiderman2o99

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tetsunabouquet · 10 months

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Just asking, do you write for nash gold jr? If you do could you do some nsfw headcanons or a scenario?

Also I hate how shallow they made jabberwock in the movies, I know they're meant to be like the typical antagonist but I personally don't think nash is as shallow as he seems

A/N: Here is a Nash Gold Jr X Reader one-shot considering the lack of Jabberwock content! Considering there wasn't any specification about the reader's gender or the scenario being an NSFW, I wrote it female coded and non-NSFW.

Nash Gold Jr's hands were aching. After the game they lost in Japan, they had left back for the US. Silver had been rageful the entire time, and didn't seem to calm down until he beat Nash Gold Jr. Nash Gold Jr fought him, knowing he needed to vent. This wasn't the first time Silver would beat someone up, nor, would it be his last. Unless Silver were to work on his anger issues, and Nash Gold Jr did not see Silver do such a thing in the near future. So Nash Gold Jr drifted alone on the streets, preparing what to say to his mother, who undoubtedly was extremely worried for his emotional state and had probably been baking like a madwoman. She had a tendency to keep baking cakes for him to the point where the entire kitchen was bursting with an abundance of cake whenever he was sad. It was a habit she had developped ever since his father's disappearance. His father was a proud soldier who had gone missing last year. He had been sent to the conflict in Afghanistan, and neither his mother or himself, even knew whether he was still alive or not. As he reached his house, he could see your bike parked in their tiny small garden. 'Great, I should have known y/n was here to pester us.' Nash Gold Jr sighed. It had been this way too, for a while. You were his long-time study buddy. You had saved his grades countless of times. You'd noticed his mother's unstable emotional state after his father had went missing and would often help her with things around the house Even now the two of you had graduated, you had remained a pesky presence, always making sure his mother was okay. He wanted to be grateful for you, but you snapping about the risks he always put himself in was frankly annoying. 'She really should stop offering me help all the god damn time. Doesn't she have her own life?' Nash Gold Jr sighed as he went up the steps, unlocking the door with ease. "Mother, Y/n, I am home." He lazily called out as a greeting. You entered the hallway, carrying balloons in your hand and a sour, disappointed expression on your face. "We wanted to surprise you!" You whined, and Nash Gold Jr slightly melted. His mother stood in the doorway of the living room and said, "We had planned a party for you. We thought it was important to celebrate your first competition abroad, even if the second one didn't went so well." Nash Gold Jr couldn't help but smile ever so slightly. Probably your idea, to turn his mother's baking obsession into a operation. He chuckled and ruffled your hair, and as you pouted he greeted his mother, glancing into the living room to see even more balloons, decorations and a plethora of cakes, but not as many as his mother would have baked otherwise. He held his mother tightly to himself, whether to reassure her, or himself, he had no idea. "I will admit, there's some foreign potential, alright." He omitted another small sigh, and felt your hand slapping him across the back. "Well, now you know what to expect and how to prepare, right?" You asked enthusiasitcally, and Nash's slip of smile broke way for a bigger one. You always did this, you were always there to pump hope into his veins. "I hope you haven't stuffed yourself full with too many cakes already, because you're totally helping me with those," Nash said instead of telling you how much he appreciated you, but he figured you knew anyways. You always seemed to know the question to every answer. "Of course I haven't, I figured you needed my assistance. I gave any cake your mother tried feeding me over the past days to my own family so I could spare my stomach." You declared, ever so knowingly. Sometimes, when Nash dared to allow himself to think about his growing feelings for you, he couldn't help but think; 'If I am the Magician, Y/n is my Oracle.' Perhaps someday he'd say them out loud, but not now. Now, he would eat cake with you and his mom and celebrate his first opportunity to basketball overseas. His mother started blasting one of his childhood favorite songs, and began dancing in the living room as you cheered her on and Nash did feel grateful for what he had indeed.

#knb #kuroko's basketball #nash gold jr #jabberwock #nash gold jr x reader #kuroko no basuke x reader #knb x reader

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imagine-knb · 7 months

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gom+Kagami+Takao+Himuro trying to comfort a female friend who is going through a bad break up with her boyfriend? Could hint at something romantic or be totally platonic!

Kuroko: "Let's go to the park together with Nigou."

Never one to be good with his words, Kuroko hopes that simply spending more time with you will help you heal faster from your breakup. He takes full advantage of the fact you always seem happier around cute animals and he just so happens to have one of the cutest puppies around who loves to shower you in sloppy puppy kisses.

Kagami: "Just come over whenever and I'll make some for you."

For Kagami, the easiest way to make him feel better is through his stomach, so he applies the same principle to you. He knows he's a great cook and he knows what your favorite foods are, so the week is full of him bringing you home-cooked meals. Even if it's just for an hour of lunch, he wants to put your smile back onto your face.

Kise: "I'll just have to take you out on fun dates instead then!"

The way Kise says it doesn't really reveal whether he his intentions are platonic or not. Really, all he wants to do is help you get over your ex as soon as possible and, in his head, that means showing you how much better going out with someone who actually wants to spend time with you was like. There are no ulterior motives here.

Aomine: "So you want me to beat your ex up, then?"

He's not going to tell it to your face, but it pains Aomine greatly to see you so hung up over your ex. The pain he feels for you translates into anger over your breakup and he finds himself seething every time your ex's name leaves your lips from that point forward. You're going to have to reign him in a bit if you don't want him to get violent.

Midorima: "Here, this is for you. So you can have a better day."

Was it possible to change someone's luck around for the better? Midorima thought so. He already spent so much money purchasing his own lucky items every day, but he spends that extra bit of cash now to get yours for you, too. It's his way of showing he thought more about your wellbeing than your shitty ex ever did.

Takao: "So we're going to egg your ex's house, right?"

Takao is the completely supportive best friend in whatever you want after your breakup and will defer to any decision you make. Want to get revenge? He's coming up with the nastiest plots that will leave your ex scarred for days. Want to cry it out in front of a movie? He's got a laundry list of flicks to watch and a box of tissues at the ready.

Murasakibara: "Just forget about your ex already, ____-chin."

Murasakibara knows that he's not the best when it comes to comforting someone, so he's a bit blunt when you start to cry over your breakup. As much as he hates sharing, you find that he's sneaking snacks into your bag more often nowadays. He hopes their just enough of a surprise to get you smiling again, even for a while.

Himuro: "Tell me more about what happened."

Himuro know that sometimes a good, long venting session could help. He asks you all about the bad parts of your previous relationship, agreeing with every negative you say. When you start talking about the traits you want in your next relationship, he can't help but hint how he might fit the bill a bit better.

Akashi: "____ doesn't want to see you, so I'm here instead."

Ever the supporter, Akashi decides that he will be the one to collect your things from your ex's home instead of you. He knows that being in the presence of your ex will only make your healing progress slower. While he's there, he may or may not hint toward your ex how you were doing so much better under Akashi's care.

#kuroko #kagami #kise #aomine #midorima #takao #murasakibara #himuro #akashi #gom

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the-sinners-paradise · 1 year

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hello!! may I request hcs for mayoi, rei, and rinne with a short (4’11) masc! s/o who pretty much clings to them whenever they’re out in public? (mainly because their s/o doesnt like being alone/out in public without them!!)

» mayoyo!! i've been wanting to write abt him for some time now!! im so glad u asked, i hope u enjoy these! and my apologies if it feels shorter than my other works! ☆

prompt: an s/o who is really clingy (and short)

character(s): mayoi ayase, rei sakuma, rinne amagi

pairing(s): all of the above ↑ x masc!gn!reader

warnings: N/A, fluff

☆ — MAYOi AYASE !!

mayoi absolutely loves you and how small and cute you are! he likes holding you and having you in his lap, and he's known to play with your hair a lot. you two have a huge height difference and he loves taking advantage of it.

he absolutely hates being in crowded areas, so for yours and his own comfort, mayoi takes you through the various tunnels and vents he knows of. it's pretty scary at first, but with him around, it's easy to adjust to.

if he absolutely has to be out in a crowded place though, mayoi's got one arm around your waist, holding you so close that you two are practically glued to one another. the thought of losing you in such a terrifying place was awful!!

on another note, he actually kind of likes going out shopping with you! he gets to choose outfits for you, even if you never end up buying anything. he just loves seeing you looking cute in something he chose especially for you!

☆ — REi SAKUMA !!

although he never says it, rei thinks you're absolutely adorable. fawning over you is common from him, but he very clearly holds back if he thinks he'll make you even the tiniest bit uncomfortable. is calling you cute allowed?

he enjoys cuddling you, because you fit so snug into his arms, it feels more like he's got an oversized cat than anything. he would be lying if he said he disliked it, because getting to nap with you like this is his favorite part of the day. plus, you take up less space in his coffin!

rei himself isn't a huge fan of crowds. he would sacrifice that preference when at a Knights concert, but any other time? he would rather avoid it. and he knows you feel the same way too, so he usually carries you around everywhere when you're in a heavily populated area.

he has and probably will continue to drag you to Knights concerts with him, though. although he's not the strongest, he's known to occasionally sit you on his shoulders, but that only lasts for about half an hour until he's just completely worn out from it.

☆ — RiNNE AMAGi !!

how do i put this..? rinne shows affection in such a way it's almost startling to you. he picks you up, he throws you at couches, he drags you around whenever he sees something that excites him.. honestly, he's just so hyperactive it's insane.

crowded place? do not fear! he's got you swung over his shoulder in no time, speeding forward to your desired location faster than you can say his full name. it's terrifying at first, but because he's pretty tall, you barely end up bumping yourself into other people. still, it concerns you that you're kind of just flying around there.

as expected, rinne is also the type to make fun of your height. you can't go a day without hearing him pick on you for it, so much so that you're not even angry at him anymore and have instead resorted to making fun of him for being tall. and then the debate of which one is more ideal starts..

he picks you up if he wants to hug or kiss you. he absolutely could bend down, but it gets a reaction out of you when he suddenly lifts you up and starts leaving kisses all over your face. he's affectionate and he'll find any excuse to show that to you.

#sin thinks that...#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars x reader #enstars x y/n #enstars x you #rinne amagi #rei sakuma #mayoi ayase #rinne amagi x reader #rei sakuma x reader #mayoi ayase x reader

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sonnburn · 4 months

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I've got way more thoughts on this episode than just my initial reactions, but I'm gonna get a little reactive first just to get it out of the way. For the record, these thoughts don't encapsulate my full opinions on the Day & Night backstory. I just wanna vent a little.

Okay? Okay.

Day confirming out loud that Night is at fault for him going blind. We all guessed it, but now we know (score one for us theorists!)

Finally telling Mork the details, Night was drunk and Day went to bring him home. Night's not even a mean drunk in the flashback, at most he's a little passive aggressive

Day was driving the night of the accident. And he got in the crash because Night was almost sick in his car and Day was busy looking around for something Night could throw up in instead of focusing on driving

First emotional reaction, this level of reckless driving ticks me off. Like Day, pull the fuck over! Stop driving and let him be sick on the side of the road, even SIX-LANE HIGHWAYS have a designated shoulder for people to pull over in case of emergencies. What are you doing, you could have gotten both Night and yourself killed!

Also, now I understand why Day keeps bringing up the car so much. He was so concerned with it getting dirty that it literally cost him his eyesight. Maybe it's a materialistic rich-person thing but like, who cares? You can get your car interior cleaned, hell you can probably afford to get it re-upholstered if it matters that much to you. Just letting Night throw up would have been another, safer alternative to taking your eyes off the road and nearly killing yourselves OR SOMEONE ELSE!

Okay, we need to talk about what he says next because I'm still seething a little. Day admits to Mork that he knows it was an accident. He knows it wasn't Night's fault. What he said to his father at the wedding wasn't true and he knows it, he was just lashing out (glad Day knows that much, at least). The reason Day treats Night the way he does is because of how Night changed after the accident. He feels replaced, he thinks Night used Day's disability as an opportunity to become the favourite son. He feels like he lost everything and Night gained it by proxy. He doesn't believe that Night feels sorry for even guilty about what happened since he received so much because of it. That is his reason for why he hates Night (Whether he actually believes this or is just weaving a narrative to justify his anger/bitterness is up for debate)

I'm sorry... but what? What? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? Day is a flawed character and we love him for that, but holy shit Day this is the most spoiled-brat ass thing you've said in the entire show! You are so wrapped up in your own grief that it NEVER occurred to you that the reason Night changed is because he FEELS BAD!? You immediately jumped to the conclusion that it's all a facade— an act he's putting on for your mom to gain her favour, are you kidding me!? WHAT IS YOUR LOGIC, RICH BOY!? WHO THINKS LIKE THIS!?

I want to shake this man and tell him— DAY, the accident CHANGED YOU. You are a different person now than you were before, not because you're blind, but because you lost something and were traumatized by it. Loss changes us, for better or worse. But you weren't the only one in that car! Is it really so impossible to believe that you weren't the only one changed by what happened!? That you weren't the only one traumatized!? That Night acting different isn't just proof that he was changed by the accident too, as YOU were, but is proof of just how guilty and sorry he feels about it!? That just because Night didn't lose his sight, and "gained" everything you lost as you claim, that means he didn't lose anything!? HE LOST YOU, DUMBASS!!!

A little later in the episode when Day talks to his dad about whether Night really feels sorry, I fail to see why he even asked the question when he'd clearly already decided on his answer: he'll never forgive Night. And he has nothing to say when his Dad tells him it doesn't matter whether he forgives him or not, Night will never forgive himself. Then Day goes on to say he missed his dad and felt like something was missing his whole life. Day forgives his dad (who if you recall left his mom for another woman and went no-contact for like two decades) after a simple apology and an expression of regret for hurting his mom. You don't even remember this man, and you forgive him so easily!? Day, if you were at least consistent in not being able to forgive those who wronged you, I'd accept that, but REALLY!? You'll forgive him but not Night!? Fuck ALL the way off.

I'm glad to finally know what happened in terms of the accident, it's giving me a lot to think about. But despite my thoughts and feelings, we've got to keep in mind that we still don't know how Day and Night's relationship was before the accident. Everything about their past dynamic is up to speculation and therefore can't inform either of their reactions. If there was open resentment between the brothers, that would explain the conclusion Day jumped to regarding Night's personality change, but we don't know that's how it was. For us, the car crash happened in a vacuum and we still don't have all the facts.

We've only got three episodes left. We'll just have to wait and see.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #last twilight ep 9 #last twilight spoilers #night and day #i've got...thoughts #and feelings #and opinions #kind of a rant #fair warning #Night Kopnopphakhun

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gritsandbrits · 1 year

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Last week we published a letter sent to us by the former magnus of Cybertron, Sentinel Prime. Today we're here with another piece written by him. TW for mention of addiction&health problems

Wow! I had no idea so many people loved reading my dumb letter! Well I guess one more won't hurt. I have so much to talk about, but it's been a rough winter here so unfortunately my time is limited. This isn't as long as I want it to be but eh! I had enough of getting what I wanted anyways.

First things first: why did I call it a memoir if it's not a full book? Well, calling it a letter sounds too boring. You know me I love a little bit of grandiose! Heh, I'm thinking maybe after this I might write a whole book. Or Two or three?

Another thing I want to clear up is my health. I don't feel comfortable talking about it but I feel like mentioning it here. Chief Burns told me I was suffering from an addiction. My inability to limit myself & personal pains drove me to gouge bottle after bottle. He helped me through my withdrawal. It was hell, but I'm alive. My T-shift is fragged up so I have trouble switching between modes. Ratchet said I might have to go to physical therapy or even surgery to have it fixed. At least I still have my chin in tact thank the Allspark. Also so please stop lying about me having died in Chicago. It's fragging annoying.

Living on that rock gave me a lot of time to reflect. I didn't know just how much baggage I was carrying until it was too late. Even now I wonder if it had been better if I was the one left on Archa-7 instead of Elita. At least I knew she would've gotten the help she needed. I don't know her whereabouts but wherever she is I hope she's safe. I still think about her often, how I played a part in how horrible her life turned out. I've blamed Optimus for it because I was afraid to face my own guilt. As a result I straight up became a monster.

I have to admit getting kicked off Cybertron was one of the best things to ever happen to me. I got so tired following every rule and protocol. Of being scared of breaking the rules and ending up in jail. Though I admit I hated every second of living on that deserted island. At first, I wanted to run away so bad but doing so would've gotten me into even more trouble. So I had to do what I could to survive even if it meant getting risk of infection. But also the Burns family were really nice, which was odd given how I almost destroyed their planet. We didn't get off on a good start either, though I realize that was just them enforcing personal boundaries. They weren't letting me walk all over them!

Me and Optimus still talk on occasion but we're not friends anymore. We're simply too different now, plus I've been a huge prick to him for years. It was only a matter of time before he got sick of my shit. That's one of the hardest lessons I had to learn. No one wants to put up with you if you treat them any kind of way even if you are friends.

We grew up together. Practically came from the same factory! We lived in the same district had the same classes. We all thought we were going to be part of the same team in the Elite Guard. But after that horrible day, everything went downhill between us. Optimus was kicked out and I was left all alone. I was so lonely, but I didn't want to be pitied. I hated the pitying stares from classmates, the questions kept getting thrown my way. So I put all my focus on gaining rank. You can't think about grief when you're too busy.

Eventually I got to be an instructor in boot camp. Funny I didn't even like doing boot camp but I too the job anyways. With Optimus gone I needed something to vent my anger out on. Even if it meant taking it out on the cadets. No one really questioned it because to them, I was merely doing my job toughing them up for future conflicts. Of course that doesn't excuse they way I treated them either. If I wasn't so blind, I would have found out Longarm was a traitor. I only took up Bumblebee's word because I knew catching a spy would put me on the map as a loyal Autobot. And it worked.

After learning the truth, and seeing the monster Wasp(inator) became due to my selfish actions, I feel like fragging garbage! I have that to answer for as well. I have plenty to answer for and a lot to apologize to. I'm not owed forgiveness the least I can do is stay out of everyone's business. I just hope Wasp(inator) doesn't come after me!

Back to Optimus. At some point I stopped seeing his as a friend and more as a threat to my power. I didn't want to listen to him because I felt he was just going to repeat the same mistakes like last time. But he was looking out for me still. Even as I hurt him and his team, he still saw something in our relationship worth salvaging. But my plans in trying to ruin two planets in the name of safety broke our friendship. He deserves a better friend than me anyways. We may have been old pals at the Academy, but that's all in the past now. The distance helped me look at him in a different light he wasn't his mistakes. He was just...himself. Being apart also helped me focus on bettering myself as well. Our relationship is on the mend but we both been focusing in ourselves and our other friends. That's another lesson: you can still focus on yourself without being a selfish prick. Thank the allspark I got that latter part out of my systems.

I know you must despise me for confessing to all these crimes but, like I said before I'm not sugarcoating anything. The last thing I want is to go back to being the world's little victim. What I hope readers can take away from my story is life has a funny way of changing so don't get used to comfort! Also, grief is not a magic get-out-of-exile free card. It's just something we all have to live with. The world doesn't stop for you but also, you have the power to change how to live in it.

I hate to end it here but they're calling me right now. They need someone to unblock road leading to the state park. Looks likes job for the best snowplow in the galaxy 😉

- signing out, Sentinel.

#memoir of a former magnus #tfa sentinel prime #transformers #transformers animated #maccadam #short story #fanfiction #post canon #tfa season 4 #no beta we die like bayverse ironhide #transformers fanfiction #not ship #tfa optimus prime #crossover #rescue bots #tfa

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twilightofthe · 8 months

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okay i put all my cranky thoughts into a separate post that's now drafted and it made me feel better so i'll be able to watch this episode now lol but if it gets me worked up again i'm posting the rant i'm sorry i cannot be helped or changed or saved <3

ANYWAY AHSOKA EP 2

also i forgot to say so last episode but kevin kiner my ABSOLUTE BELOVED the return of the king is real so happy to have you here my dude the ending and full theme was absolutely gorgeous

anywayyyyyy so i am guessing sabine did not make like satine and survived her shish kabobing

well there's ahsoka

oh yeah there's bean she's fine she'll be fine xD

damn filoni really gave more handwaving to having a character survive a major impalement vs me twisting myself into fucking knots writing anakin getting run through lmao

ahsoka sorry but actually i'm gonna blame u for this you still kinda seem like a mess and i don't think you were a very good teacher to sabine and now ur dropping back in on her when she's convenient to you?

well at least we know why she's so adamant against training baby yoda lol

ope here's goth girl and the fuuuuck is his NAME again i keep calling him fucking bryan

i like the fancy sithy-looking sundial tho

pfff second ep is "toil and trouble" guess we're getting witchy!

OH YEAH WAS SABINE'S KITTY OKAY

THEY BETTER BE OKAY

I SWEAR TO GOD

yea ahsoka what happened to showing up in the nick of time and saving kanan and ezra from inquisitors in rebels u were slowwww girlie

OK GOOD THE CAT IS OKAY

that's all that matters

ope one more droid hanging around ezra's place

GIRL UR SITTING UP ALREADY?!

GIRL HOW CAN U BREATHE

we do love the mechanic girl of my heart

sabine does love her explosions

no huyang hera just likes explosions

sabine works best under explosive pressure we LOVE HER

ope back to corellia i guess? we can reuse the old solo sets?

sabine

you were just

impaled

"but she's not the one who needs to hear it right now" ahhh there's the sabine and hera dialogue. ugh but i'm still not used to natasha and mary i can just hear tiya and vanessa doing it instead :(

WHY DO Y'ALL KEEP MAKING SABINE AND AHSOKA ANGRY EXES TF

"ancient ppl from a distant galaxy" waaaaaaait are they bringing in those eu dudes

no wait i think i remember something about these guys that was mention as the big bad in the canceled animated rebels sequel

or it could just be the chiss lmao

that could be it too, makes sense why they'd want thrawn

ok that is some real cool galactic map visuals i am an absolute sucker for a good starmap

ok but wait how the fuck did y'all get a map to thrawn anyway did the space whales write it

also sorry morgan but i don't personally think thrawn would go for u nothing personal you are hot but you don't quite seem his type

waaaait is fucking thrawn gonna have force sensitivity now THAT would be absolutely hilarious and he'd hate it so much

who's marrok i have no memory

y'all you can't just make thrawn work for you didn't he only work with the empire cuz he had to because it would advantage his people somehow (has read zero thrawn novels and only seen rebels)

please tell me sabine is in the fucking vents of ahsoka's ship

THERE'S THE GHOST WHERE IS CHOPPER

I AM NO LONGER FUCKING ASKING

okay so i think my issue with Mary is she doesn't have any of the same authority and purpose Hera's meant to hav

CHOPPER

MY MURDERBOT

MY SON

MY ANGEL MY EVERYTHING

Anyway

yeah

oh yeah harping in that the new republic is a total fustercluck

ew a capitalist

bro you know hera used to steal from people like you for the rebellion

sdlkfjsdk omg sabine's mom needs to talk to the teacher to keep her from getting expelled

but also y'all sabine is like 25-30 right now she's not a kid

@ ahsoka bitch you have no fuckin clue what you're doing doooon't talk about readiness

y'know maybe the imperial era just advanced medicine so later impalements don't kill people

oh oh so it IS ezra's!

sabine go find luke he'd love to have you

STOP WITH THE GAY DIALOGUE

ok so yeah she likely doesn't have force sensitvity

goddammit huyang neverMIND

so sabine IS force sensitive :) and kanan and ezra just never brought it up :) great :)

hera my beautiful ship nerd ily

bitch do NOT fuck with hera she has more presence than anyone ever

hera my dude you know better than anyone that if a ship wants to take off you gotta go try and stop it in person

ah i have been waiting like 5 long years to watch hera best pilot there was kick aerial ass

we STAN

chopperrrrrrrrr

oh yeah ahsoka's fighting an inquisitor too lmao

CHOPPER GET THEIR ASS

CHOPPER ADD TO YOUR KILL COUNT

ok this hera and chopper banter is perfect i do love it

VICTORY FOR MY GHOSTS

oh and good job ahsoka lol

aghhh sabine and her therapy cat i'm ;_;

theeeeere's sabine's mando armor

SABINE AND KANAN'S FUCKIN KNIFE I'M GONNA EVEN IGNORE THE BAD MULAN HACKJOB ATTEMPT

okay it seems like mary's kinda on and off for hera so far, she has her moments but she can't hold them

rosario keeps losing me i'm sorryyyyyyyy

natasha is doing GREAT

aaaaaand we redoing the end of the rebels epilogue!

god this makes me miss zeb

and kanan obvs but i've come to accept his death

zeb's still hanging around where is he!!!!!

ah all is right

sabine has her gay haircut back

here we go gay roadtrip to find ezra time

alright so i'm still not really vibing with jedi!sabine at All but i have concluded that this show is watchable but honestly not that good, writing-wise, sorry dave, so i think i'll be able to watch it with my brain turned off

goddammit first i thought the holograms visiting morgan were nightsister witch ghosts xD

RIGHT RIGHT HIS NAME IS BAYLAN NOT BRYAN

morgan stop simping for thrawn i guaranTEE he's not your type

oKAY

we are through with the two episodes! it is very late for me so i'm gonna sit and think on what i've seen so far and shitpost a little. i did really like seeing my rebels blorbos again even if the live action actors don't quite have their groove yet. obviously very excited to retrieve ezra <3 so yeah that was that and i'll be back for more next week!

#sw the ahsoka show #ahsoka #sw ahsoka #ahsoka spoilers #star wars #sw spoilers #star wars spoilers #ahsoka show #ahsoka tano #sabine wren #liveblogging the ahsoka show

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crystalsandbubbletea · 4 months

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Vent post

(Tw: Suicidal thoughts, swearing, internalized homophobia, internalized polyamphobia, internalized acephobic, internalized arophobia, internalized enbyphobia, internalized ableism, enbyphobia, dead naming, 'LGB without the T+' person mentioned)

I'm tired of being alive.

I don't want to be alive anymore.

I don't want to be me anymore.

I'm sick and tired of everything.

I'm so fucking tired.

I hate everything about myself. I hate that I'm autistic, and have ADHD. I hate that I'm on the aroace spectrum, I hate being Demisexual and Demiromantic. I hate that I'm nonbinary, I hate that I'm polyamorous, I hate that I'm Trixic. I just want to be like everyone else I see, straight and neurotypical.

I'm so fucking tired of my school trying to "fix" me because I don't want to talk to anyone at my school.

I'm fucking tired of my case manager, you want to know why I don't go to you for anything? It's because I'm fucking afraid of you, goddamnit! You made me afraid of you! You acted like you would be fine with me being nonbinary and you acted like you would be fine with my preferred name, but in reality you're just another 'LGB without the T+' people. You're a lesbian and I foolishly ended up letting my guard down because of it, but then you kept misgendering me and you even used my dead name once, you didn't correct myself, and I couldn't correct you because I was having a full-on emotional breakdown, and you just made it worse. You don't even try to make yourself look friendly, instead you're always looking intimidating and difficult to approach. I don't need you as a case manager, what I need is a case manager who also has ADHD. A teacher I knew since my freshman year is a case manager and she also has ADHD, she should have been my case manager and maybe I wouldn't have half of my issues. But no the school was like "Oh you're queer, here have a 'LGB without the T+' lesbian as your case manager."

I hate that almost everyone at my school is acephobic and arophobic, they all act like it's the end of the world when people don't want to have sex or don't want a relationship. I didn't ask to be Demisexual and Demiromantic, I didn't ask to be this way. I'm sorry that I need very close emotional connections before getting into a romantic relationship?

I hate that I hardly see polyamorous relationships in media, no I'm not a fucking cheater. I'm sorry that I want to be in a relationship with multiple people where everyone is consenting to it? No, I'm not polygamy, polygamy and polyamorous are not the same and never will be.

I hate being nonbinary, I have extreme gender dysphoria because no one seems to care about my gender identity. I hate being very feminine, I hate my chest, I hate my waist, I hate my hips, I hate my legs, I hate my body in general. Why couldn't I have been more androgynous-looking? Spring is coming soon and I'll have to put away my oversized hoodies, which is one of the few things hiding my chest size. I wish I could get binders but I don't think there are any binders out there that could fit me.

I hate being Trixic, I'm sorry that 'lesbian' didn't feel like the correct term for me? I'm sorry that 'lesbian' made me feel dysphoric? I'm sorry that I never felt lesbian?

Maybe I should just kill myself. No one at my school would care anyways. I'll just be one less freak. No one would give a damn if I die, except for the people following me, my online friends, the few friends I have IRL, and my family, but that will be it, no one else would care.

I am so fucking close to ending my life. I want to die.

So why can't I bring myself to end it all?

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currantlee · 2 years

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The Horizon Ever Changes

(Ao3; full list of soundeffects used for the podfic here)

Sometimes, the thing you're most afraid of is yourself - in which case, it is good to have a loved helping you through it.

~ 3.1k Words / 17 Min (Podfic). Rated T (Teens and Older). Angst, Hurt/Comfort. For SoKai Day 2022.

Author's Note: This is a fanfic I already wrote some time ago. Initially, I didn't plan on publishing it since it was kind of conceived as a vent fic, but after a rework, I changed my mind. I also wanted to try something completely new with it too, so... I made a podfic (which you can also listen to on Ao3 or here because turns out Tumblr apparently hates Internet Archive file links 😅). But for those of you who prefer to read - here is the full fic (with some minor differences). Regardless of how you decide to engage with it, I hope you enjoy it.

When Sora was little, his mother would come to his bed every evening and sing a lullaby for him. Sometimes even two, when Sora had been particularly adamant about not wanting to go to bed just yet.

Whenever his father had been home for Sora’s bedtime, he would tell him a story before Sora went to sleep. He had always thought of his father as a great storyteller and looking back, he wished that he could have gotten to enjoy a few more of his father’s stories. The fact that he wouldn’t, seeing as his father had died when Sora was eleven, made him cherish the ones he remembered even more though.

However, there was one thing that had always cradled him to sleep – the roaring of the waves crashing at the shore.

Given that his parents’ house was built partly on stilts at the edge of the beach, he always heard it. Sometimes it was quiet, almost like white noise, but during stormy nights it was so loud that he almost couldn’t sleep.

He had been afraid of those nights as a child. He recalled a few times when the storms were going to be so bad that his parents decided to leave the house before they started, deeming it unsafe, and they spent the night at Riku’s home next to the rice fields on the hill instead. They had always been welcome there, and Sora had always been excited to have a sleepover at his best friend’s house, even under those circumstances.

He was pretty sure that the night of the storm, the night when all of this started, would have been one of those nights – if things hadn’t turned out the way they did.

Nonetheless, the sound of the waves was usually calming to Sora.

… Usually. Because this time, it didn’t work.

Sora sighed heavily. He had thought that maybe coming here would put his heart and mind at ease. It wasn’t that he was scared – or maybe he was, but it didn’t feel like immediate fear or panic. More like he was constantly on the edge, easily startled, and the strain of that was beginning to wear him out.

It had gotten so bad that his body noticed it as well. His muscles were often tense, in and outside of battle. It even felt like his insides were so tense, his stomach sometimes ached from it. He was beginning to find it hard to relax at all.

Sora hugged his legs, gripping the fabric of his pants tightly as he curled up, resting his chin on his knees. At least his hands weren’t shaking yet…

It was obvious. Muscles tensed in the face of danger, and Sora was slowly becoming a danger to his friends, whether he wanted it or not. It was only natural that the fear of himself, a fear he constantly felt, would manifest in this way sooner or later.

A tear rolled down his cheek. He didn’t want this…

“Hey,” Kairi’s distant voice from somewhere to his left said. It was loud and clear, but still gentle.

Sora turned his head away from her on instinct. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to see him like this. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to see her at all. “Hey,” he murmured regardless of that.

Kairi came closer – only a few steps, seemingly keeping her distance a bit in case he wanted to be left alone. Sora appreciated that, but currently he didn’t really know what he wanted, or if he even wanted to see her at all. Maybe talking would help, but then again, it wasn’t like anyone could really help him…

“Donald and Goofy said you just… Disappeared,” she explained. “Everyone is worried about you. Sora, I am worried about you.”

She sighed. “That’s why I went to look for you.”

“Uh… Thanks?” He appreciated that, even though he still wasn’t sure if he wanted to see her at all.

But then Kairi decided to ask a question that Sora hadn’t known he was dreading yet. After all, he had been asked that same question a lot over the past few weeks, and he should be used to it by now.

“Sora, are you alright?”

He tried to play it off by shrugging. “I…” He didn’t want to bother her, but there was no use in lying to her – she’d pick up on it instantly. Not that Sora was a good liar anyway.

“I’m not okay.”

Kairi sighed again, and Sora couldn’t tell whether it was out of worry or relief because he finally said how he really was. “Do you want to talk about it or do you want me to leave?”

“I don’t know.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “I’m sorry, Kairi. I don’t know anything anymore…”

He wished he could give her a proper answer, and not just leave her wondering. After all, she was only trying to help. If she got angry or annoyed at him then he would have understood. He had caused her, as well as his other friends, so many worries lately. Considering what he was becoming, this was by far not the end of it.

To Sora’s surprise, Kairi just walked over and sat down next to him on the sand. She didn’t touch or try to talk to him any further. Instead, she simply joined him in watching the horizon in silence.

It was late afternoon on the Destiny Islands. Soon the sun would vanish to somewhere beyond the horizon, painting the sky in glowing warm pinks and oranges and making the sea sparkle. Just like it had shortly before all of this began… Back when they had shared the paopu fruit… and when he had disappeared for the first time.

As beautiful as the sunsets on Destiny Islands were, it scared Sora that they were about to watch another one together. Every time they had done this in the past, they had ended up separated yet again shortly after. This time could be no different, considering what was probably about to happen to him… Maybe this was it. The last time he got to see her before… Whatever changed him would happen. Maybe he should have a look at her before it was too late for that.

Instead of her combat clothes, Kairi was just wearing a simple tank top, which showed off just a little bit of her belly, and some cargo shorts in a muted yet rich shade of green. No shoes either; she was barefooted. He noticed a bit of a rosy nail polish on her toenails, although it was already peeling off.

Her hair had grown to shoulder-length and it was a bit shaggy – getting a haircut wasn’t a priority while trying to save the universe once again. He supposed his own hair needed a cut as well. It was just less obvious due to its wild structure that was completely unlike the smooth texture Kairi’s hair had.

She usually wore it in a messy ponytail these days, but today her hair was hanging loose. It was uneven and untamed as the breeze tousled it even more. Sora liked that look on her. The shorter strands – her bangs had grown out over the past months – framed her face just perfectly.

… She was stunning. Beautiful. Sora found himself wishing he could just be with her like this forever. A futile wish… He found himself sighing once again.

Maybe he could at least remember her like this.

“Something on your mind?”

“Huh?”

“You’re staring at me.”

“Wha-… Oh.” He supposed he had been. “It’s just…” Did he want to tell her?

“You look really pretty today…”

She blushed at the unexpected compliment. “Thanks,” she giggled, a bit more quietly than before. She was so cute when she got flustered. “You know, you look pretty handsome yourself.”

He would have blushed too, if it wasn’t for the fact that it just wasn’t true. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better about everything,” he murmured.

“Sora, if there is anything I can do to help then please, talk to me.” She just knew him too well.

He sighed. “It’s just…” Should he really tell her? He didn’t want to bother her with this. Even though they were best friends – more than that, really – at the end of the day this was his problem, and his alone. Sora felt like he shouldn’t drag her into this, especially since he could potentially become a danger for her as well.

The feeling of Kairi’s warm hand on his left interrupted his thoughts. They had become calloused from all the fighting, much like his own, but hers remained fairly smooth regardless. He had absolutely no idea how she kept her hands that way. When her thumb started brushing across the back of his hand lightly, his fingers curled around hers by instinct.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s on your mind if you don’t want to,” Kairi whispered.

But he could tell her everything, Sora knew that. Besides, maybe she could help him… Or at least take his mind off this for a while.

“I want to remember you like this, when I eventually…”

He couldn’t even say it. But Kairi knew what he meant anyway.

“Is this about what the Master of Masters did to you?”

Sora felt a lump in his throat. He wanted to cry like a scared child at the mere mention of it, something that robbed him of his voice almost entirely. If he had tried to speak, the only sound he would have been able to make was a sob.

So he simply nodded – and sobbed anyway. It was just too much.

Kairi sighed. “Hey…” She ran her hand up his arm. “Sora, it’s going to be al-…”

“You know it won’t!”, he interrupted her. The Master of Masters, if he could even call him that anymore, might be their enemy, but he hadn’t lied to them a single time. At least, not that Sora was aware of. Every single one of his predictions had come true sooner or later, mundane or not.

“No matter what he told you,” Kairi said calmly. She kept caressing his arm, and Sora found himself leaning into her touch. Maybe he shouldn’t. After all, they probably wouldn’t get to enjoy these kinds of things for too long anymore. Better to not get used to it.

And yet, Sora couldn’t resist. He craved her touch, her warmth, and her comfort. He wanted to feel her, to be as close to her as possible.

He forced himself to pull away. He really didn’t want to get her hopes of a future spent together up. But most of all, he didn’t want to break her heart, even if it meant he didn’t get to spend the little time he had left together with her.

“Sora, there are endless possibilities as to what the future could bring. Even the Master of Masters himself said so.”

“Maybe,” Sora retorted. He couldn’t remember him ever saying such a thing – maybe he had just been absent. “But he also said this is the one that is going to happen multiple times, and every time it turned out to be true. Why should this be any different?”

Kairi surely hadn’t forgotten about the incident a few weeks prior, but she didn’t seem to care. Sora finally turned his head so she should be able to see his full face – as a reminder.

“Kairi, I’m losing myself. And I’m sorry…”

He finally felt the first tears streaking down his cheek.

Kairi said nothing. Instead, she brought both of her hands to his face, cupped his cheeks and wiped his tears away, but there were only more to come. She carefully tugged at the band around his head, and whispered very quietly: “May I?”

Sora sobbed. He knew what she meant. No one had seen him without that piece of cloth ever since… The incident, but if he was going to let anyone see him this vulnerable, it would be her.

So he nodded.

Kairi reached to the back of his head. Sora had always enjoyed when she ran her fingers through his hair almost as much as he loved messing with hers. He couldn’t remember the last time she’d done it. It must have been before all of this started, which felt like forever ago. Unfortunately, it ended far too quickly this time when she found the buckle that held the thing up, released it, and the piece of fabric that had covered part of his face for the past weeks, at least as long as he saw anyone, finally dropped.

Sora knew the scar on his face was ugly. He had to stop himself from turning away from her.

The initial wound hadn’t been healed properly. Instead, it had been cauterized with a fire spell, or at least, so Sora had been told by the Master of Masters after waking up again. He himself didn’t really remember, seeing as he had passed out from the pain. Maybe it was better that way.

Kairi’s fingertips gently grazed his right cheek. She was so careful, and Sora wanted nothing more than to lean into her touch, even though he probably should pull away, but he could do neither. He was frozen in place as Kairi moved her hand upwards across the scar on his upper cheek to where his right eye used to be.

His friends had tried to do everything they could with their healing magic after Sora had reunited with them, but seeing as the wound and the burn covering it had already been mostly healed at that point, their options had been extremely limited.

Sora sobbed again. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I know it’s ugly, you don’t have to look…”

To his surprise, Kairi closed her eyes and leaned in. Sora’s breath hitched when her lips touched the scarred skin on his cheek.

Not even the sensation was the same as it would have been before his eye had been removed. It felt like she was kissing him through a layer of fabric, and slightly prickling at the same time. Not in an unpleasant way, but it still served as another reminder that things were never going to go back to normal again.

The kiss ended, but she stayed close.

[illustration]

Sora didn’t protest when she cupped both of his cheeks with her hands, and carefully rubbed across the scar with her thumb. “Kairi…”

She put a finger on his lips. “You’re not ugly, Sora,” she said quietly, but very matter-of-factly. “Please don’t apologize. This is not your fault…”

“It kinda is,” Sora argued. He couldn’t hold it in any longer. He had to tell someone. He had to tell her.

“Kairi… He and I are the same person.”

There. It was out now.

Sora wouldn’t have blamed her if she left him here and now. Sure, it would break his heart if she did. Who would want to be with someone who caused so much pain to the worlds? She deserved better, so much better…

“Is this something he told you?”

“He didn’t have to tell me. I saw it myself.”

“Wait, does this mean you can look into the future too now, or…” Kairi tilted her head in confusion.

“He took his hood off after I woke up again, back when… It happened.” Sora didn’t want to talk about it more than he had to. He didn’t want to remember any of it, the fear and the pain. “It was like looking into a mirror.”

His hands were shaking at the memory. This had been the last thing the Master of Masters had done before he had left, telling Sora that his friends would arrive soon. The wait had been agonizing.

Kairi didn’t say anything. Maybe she was processing it, or thinking what to make of it. “Kairi, if you want to leave me, that’s okay,” he said, his voice a bit higher than he wanted it to be. “I’d understand if you don’t want to be wi-…”

“Of course I still want to be with you,” Kairi interrupted him. “Listen, Sora, just because some alternate version of you – if this isn’t a trick – is running around terrorizing the worlds doesn’t mean you and him are the same. I know you aren’t, because you’re right here in front of me, crying your heart out.”

“But I have darkness inside my heart,” Sora whispered. “Which means that…” He couldn’t finish what he was about to say. He could only sob once more. Again, Kairi deserved better – she deserved so much better than he could ever be. Even if he saved all of the worlds over and over again, he could never rid himself of that capability entirely.

“But everyone is capable of doing terrible things,” Kairi argued. “Just as everyone is capable of doing good. Even I am capable of doing bad things, heart of pure light or not.”

“I can’t imagine that,” Sora said. “You doing terrible things, I mean…”

“Just as I can’t imagine you doing evil things.”

Sora sobbed. It was so good to know that she still trusted him like this, despite what he had just told her. “But what if you’re wrong?”

“Then I’d have been wrong about you.” She smiled. “I may be a princess of heart, Sora, but I’m still human. I can be mistaken. Every single one of us can.”

Maybe even the Master of Masters could… But he had been right about everything in the past, and he had never lied to them. “What if he isn’t human, Kairi?”

“You mean the Master of Masters?”

“Mhm.”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I mean, it’s possible, but if he isn’t human, then I’m not sure what to do about him to be honest.”

Neither did Sora. Xehanort had been a pain to deal with, but at least they had always known that they were facing a human being, albeit in various different forms. But with the Master of Masters… Sora had assumed he was human up until now, but what if he wasn’t? The possibility of that frightened him, and he wasn’t even sure what he should be most afraid of about this guy anymore.

“Don’t leave me.”

Sora sobbed. “Kairi, I don’t want to be alone…” Not now. Not again. Never again. “Please don’t leave me alone!”

He felt safer with her by his side, safer and stronger. Aside from that, her presence distracted him from all the thoughts and fears that were rushing through his mind at that moment. He needed a break.

“Don’t worry,” Kairi said, and her voice was sweet and warm. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”

“Thank you!”

She wrapped her arms around him, pulled him closer, and Sora rested his head on her shoulder. He was still crying, but somehow, he felt better still. He was glad he had finally told someone, and that it had been her.

He sighed when she leaned her head on his, and they continued to watch the horizon in silence, listening to the calming sound of the waves.

#Kingdom Hearts #KH Fanfiction #Podfic #SoKaiDay2022 #Sora #Kairi #SoKai #Fanwork #Fanfiction #SoKaiDay #Master of Masters #Currantlee here #Currantlee writing

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adoptedmadrigal2 · 2 years

Text

When you're husband can walk around in his boxers for a day...

Laundry day

Pepa pulled the large blue dress over her head. She hated the dress, but she had nothing else to wear since today was laundry day.

She and Julieta were tasked with taking the family's clothes to the river to clean. Pepa gathered her basket and put on her old sandals.

"Pepa are you ready to go? I have all of the girls' laundry,'' Julieta asked as she walked into the room wearing a much too big blue t-shirt that hung over her frame like a dress yet not hiding her nipples that poked out from the chill that blew through the house due to Pepa being annoyed with the fact she had to wear this stupid dress and wash clothes, instead of staying home and admiring Felix in his underwear.

"Just a second Juli, I'm tying my hair up now," Pepa said as she pulled her red curls into a ponytail to keep it all held back so she didn't get it wet in the river.

When pepa finally emerged from her room she yelled "Dolores! Camilo! Antonio!"

"Here Mami, mine and Tonio's" Dolores said, setting two baskets down by the one pepa carried.

"Camilo! Come on Tia Julieta and I would like to finish the clothes before dark," Pepa said as the boy rubbed his eyes sleepily.

"Here, let Pa know I'm not coming out of my room today. I only have these underwear to wear and I surely don't want the town knowing I still ask mi prima to embroider chameleons on my underwear," Camilo said gesturing to the orange boxers with yellow chameleons sewn on.

Mirabel emerged from her room stuffing a sheet into her basket that was on her mother's arm, telling Camilo

"Hey, at least your boxers are a simple design, antonio wants jaguars and toucans and things, and if you knew anything about sewing those are not easy designs," Mirabel told

"Ok if that's everything, then Pepa and I are gonna go. If your pa needs, there's a basket of arepas in the kitchen." Julieta reminds her

"Ok Mami, see you later," Mirabel said skipping off to her room, likely to sew some more clothes or to embroider a pair of her underwear

They left the house and took the walk to the river, setting up everything when they got there.

Julieta settled on the riverside, her feet hanging into the flowing water. Pepa followed suit, letting her feet dip into the cool water and the two of them began working through the baskets full of laundry.

"I hate laundry day," Pepa sighed

"Why because you can't watch Felix walk around in his underwear all day," Julieta asked teasing her sister

"Yes! It’s the one day he can walk about in his underwear without mama yelling at him and I can't look at him," Pepa vented.

"He wouldn't get anything done, you'd be too horny to think straight, and you're not straight,"

Julieta reminded her, wringing the excess water out of her only bra. Honestly Pepa can’t blame her sister for having only one; it fits like a glove and doesn’t poke her all day.

"Look just because I'm bi doesn't mean I would be so horny as to prevent Felix from doing what he needed to, I would've just been too horny to do anything I had to do," Pepa stated matter of factly.

"And you control the weather. It would've been to hot and humid due to you being turned on all day at the thought of Felix that it would've been too hot for anyone to do anything, remember when you had your sexual awakening, it was humid for a week and all anybody could do was try to beat the heat of your newfound teenage pleasures," Julieta reminded her sister

"We don't talk about that, I was 14, and I found out things felt really good when pressure was applied, plus how was i to know that the weather was hot and humid? my body got so hot i couldn’t differentiate what was weather or what was my blood flow trying to turn me into a torch," Pepa defended

"And I was 13 reading erotic novels, yet it never distracted me," Julieta said, knowing she had her sister beat.

"Fine, but my point still stands I wish it wasn't my turn to help with the laundry," Pepa huffed

"It's always your turn,'' Julieta said, attempting to scrub Isabela’s bedsheet free of the blood that adorned it.

"Isabela got her period?" Pepa asked, looking curiously.

"She's been stressed out and was nearly a week late. I expected her to stain either one of her dresses or her sheets if she got it this month," Julieta explained

"Dios mio, what has she got to be stressed about? Is it anything we can help," Pepa asked her concern for her eldest niece growing.

"She's been practicing control, since her abilities react to her mood like yours do, she's been trying to keep the from going as crazy when she gets excited," Julieta explained

"And I take it it hasn't gone all that well for her," Pepa assumed. Pulling Dolores’s underwear from the basket. The sound wave pattern making it obvious they were hers.

"It hasn't," Julieta confirmed reaching for Isabela’s blue dress from the basket

"I'll have to talk to her, maybe I can help her since I know what it's like," Pepa said as she wrung a dress out.

"Maybe, have you had anything change in your weather? It's been almost 22 years since a weather change," Julieta asked

"Nothing too significant, I finally stopped making short lightning storms when I…" Pepa trailed off, attempting to hide her blush behind a giant yellow bed sheet that belonged to Camilo.

"Oh good, maybe now Felix won't have to ask me for arepas every morning to heal his back from where you climaxed and struck him with lightning," Julieta said calmly waiting for her sister's mist and high pitched squeak.

"About that, I've started to make hailstorms when i finish, which can be annoying when you roll over onto one trying to reposition,” pepa told losing all of her shame since it was her and Julieta alone at the river doing laundry.

“I wonder why hail and not rain or a mini tornado,” Julieta thought aloud

“i have no idea, but the first time it happened one got Felix right in the back and it slid down and melted the whole way, he was absolutely shivering but somehow he didn’t get snatched out of the moment by the freezing cold ice ball that slid down his back, in fact i think he liked it,” pepa told

“Didn’t need to know that. Now let’s head back and put the clothes on the line. After they’re hung we can tell the kids funny stories from our childhood so that they can dry,” julieta proposed, picking up her baskets with a bit of struggle.

Hope you enjoy ❤

#women's rights #encanto comic #madrigal sisters #bruno magridal #incorrect encanto quotes #madrigal cousins #encanto headcanons #encanto disney #encanto bruno #encanto au #when your husband is hot...#pepa can hardly keep her hands off him let alone her mind #pepa madrigal #julieta #julieta madrigal #pepa's weather changes as she gets older

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plumroseiswriting · 2 years

Text

A Very Bad No Good Evening

Roman Klymenko x Angelique “Angel” Smith belong to @a-literal-no-name *posted with permission*

Please heed all trigger warnings TW: Memory issues, ED, body checking, self deprecation, anxiety, time blindness, minor meltdown, food talk

SFW Tags: Hurt/Comfort, situationship, angst, fluff, venting

A/N: let me know if I need to add tags/TW! This one is the Angel centric companion of the last one! I may have projected a bit. Don't judge me. I finished this at 5am and did a little more with this in general cause I'm not as nervous so hopefully its okay.

It is irritating when you are in the middle of a thought and it just vanishes.

Angel stood in the middle of the room. She was in there for something. She had be in there for something. Her mind felt like a dry erase board that'd been wiped clean while you were still writing notes.

She turned back to go back to her room. She was still in her pajamas, it was 4:30 in the afternoon. She was supposed to change hours ago but she got stuck doom scrolling in her bed again. It made her feel lazy, she had a to do list and everything and she hadn't done any of it.

You've always been lazy though.

Her room was surprisingly clean, there was trash and some clothes on the floor but she just needed to grab all the dishes and-

Wait where was her drink? She had one didn't she? When did she put it down? It wasn't on her little desk or her dresser or on any of the shelves.

She left the room again.

Not in the bathroom, but she should pick up the socks before she forgets or they'll be there for the next week. Her laundry basket was almost full, she would have to try and get them washed tomorrow or she would be out of clothes too.

What was she-? Oh her drink.

The kitchen was clean aside from the bowls in the sink. She hated doing the dishes, the soap made her hands crack but the feeling of those latex gloves made her skin crawl. She had to wash them though, or they would start to smell bad. She turned on the faucet, waited for the water to get hot.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket.

R: Did you eat?

Always checking in on her. She paused, playing with her lip. She hadn't eaten, she wasn't hungry. Well no, she was hungry but she'd forgotten until now and really didn't feel like it. That would not be a good excuse.

A: Of course I did! 🥰😋

R: When? What was it?

Angel looked at the time, how was it almost 6 already? She hadn't done anything yet today.

This is why you're always in a rush

A: I ate at 5 and I had 🍑, and toast with honey. Sounds good doesn't it? Are you jealous? 😏Maybe I'll let you have some later...😉😉😘

She sighed loudly. She ate all the fruit he'd cut up for her already, what, yesterday? The day before? Anyway it had already been eaten, so if she did eat later it would have to be something else and she didn't want to put in that effort. She needed to. She didn't want to.

R: That's not enough food, Angel.

She rolled her eyes. She was getting frustrated.

A: 🙄😑I'll have a snack later Romi.

Angel tossed her phone on the chair and ignored it, rubbing her face until it almost hurt. She was supposed to be skinny and pretty and petite. That's the image she wanted, an image that fit. Skipping sometimes because she didn't feel like eating would be fine. Why force it anyway, that just gave her a stomach ache. She'd eat tomorrow. Maybe. Thinking about it put a knot in her chest.

If she didn't finish what she was doing and ate instead, she wouldn't finish anything at all.

The sound of the faucet suddenly came back to her, spinning around quickly to turn it off before the sink overflowed. Steam rose into the air and she knew she couldn't stick her hands in that yet. She sighed, she'd have to wait for it to cool off.

If you remember... or have the energy to do it later...

She scratched at her head, her eyes, her neck, with her long nails. It felt good, satisfying, like when someone washes your hair except you know exactly where to scratch.

Angel went back to her room again, she felt like she was walking in circles. She was getting annoyed with herself, that irritating confusion building in her head, it spun right behind her eyes. Not dizzy but cloudy and confused and she hated it. She had to be able to get at least something done before midnight. Just one thing. This time she wouldn't leave the room until she got something done. She wouldn't.

She looked up at the dress hanging on her door. It wasn't what she usually wore really, but she'd found it at a thrift store and it was just so pretty she had to get it. It was white, with lace detailing over the bust and long sheer fluffy sleeves. It would go perfectly with her heals and her pink leather vest and she knew Roman would love feeling the fabric. She hadn't gotten to wear it yet. It was too small, but she could get herself to fit in it if she tried hard enough.

Yeah, skipping a couple meals wouldn't hurt. This is fine for now.

She gazed around the room again, it was maybe messier than she'd thought earlier but it was still manageable. She grabbed the trash bag she'd started the day before and began shoving all the miscellaneous trash in it. It was mostly paper and drink cups. Getting most of that didn't take long.

You're still in your pajamas

Angel groaned, putting the bag down and pulling out one of the big black tshirts she'd stolen from Roman. It was dirty, she probably should wash it... she pulled off the pajama shirt and slipped the t on, it made her feel tiny, covering her up like a tint. She smiled, shoving the collar of it up under her nose and inhaling deeply. It eased her a little. She wasn't going to wash it anytime soon. She pulled on some shorts and quickly got back to cleaning.

She could feel her energy leaving. Her stomach started to hurt. That nagging feeling that she was going too slow, that she was running out of time, it wasn't helping the spinning in her eyes.

She pulled the hoody off her mirror and paused. She stared at herself a moment. The shirt definitely looked like a tent, her collar bones poking out sharply, her knees were sticking out from the bottom of the shirt. They looked bony. Her thighs weren't small, but her knees looked weird. She grabbed the sides of the shirt, pulling them tightly behind her so she could see her figure. Her boobs were too small, her thighs were big but her hips weren't, her shoulders were too wide and she didn't have a butt.

Eating could make you're boobs bigger. Might even grow as ass. It'll make you bigger.

She closed her eyes tight, letting go of the shirt and shaking her head. She didn't have time for this she needed to clean. She turned around too quickly, knocking the trash bag over and spilling most of the content right back onto the floor.

Her eyes stung.

The nagging, the spinning, her stomach hurt, she was running out of time.

What time? What deadline do you have? What are you forgetting?

Angel kicked the bag as hard as she could, the trash inside flying across the room.

"Why can't I EVER get ANYTHING DONE!?" Tears started to tip over her eyelashes. "Stupid, this is so fucking stupid," she hissed. "I can't ever get anything right, nothi- I FORGOT THE FUCKING DISHES"

Angel threw her bedroom door open, slamming it into the wall, she was crying now, frustrated and angry. She just wanted to get ONE thing finished, ONE, and she couldn't.

She marched back to the kitchen and stood staring at the dishes.

She didn't want to do them.

She needed to do them. It wouldn't take long, the water wasn't that hot and she had to get something finished.

...she didn't want to do them.

She was breathing a little too hard, her stomach twisting painfully, the confused spinning in her head, the burning in her eyes, it was overwhelming. The image of herself in the mirror, disappointed and unhappy, the dress she still couldn't wear, the fact she couldn't for the life of her remember whatever was nagging her. She was hungry, she didn't want to make food, why did wanting to make it matter? She NEEDED to make it but that made her want to do it less.

She sat down. In the middle of the cold kitchen floor, she just sat down and cried, rubbing her face, scratching her head, she wanted to throw her glasses across the apartment, the energy stuck in her limbs. She just sat there. Frustrated, thinking too much and angry about her inability to think at the same time.

What time was it?

Sniffling she looked around the room. Where had she put her phone? She'd tossed it on the couch. Very slowly Angel stood up. Her arms and legs heavy and dragging as she walked.

Her phone was face down on the cushion. She picked it up and plopped down, grabbing the fluffy pink pillow and curling up in herself. The screen was too bright for a second, it stung.

R: I'm bringing icecream.

Angel frowned, right now? She looked at the time, it was 9 o'clock. She opened the phone going to the text.

R: Don’t roll your eyes at me. You need more than a snack Angel, at least eat some cereal for fucks sake.

R: Don't ignore me.

R: Angel.

R: Fine. I'm coming when I finish working.

R: I'm bringing icecream.

She sniffed, the last message came in half an hour ago. She looked at her kitchen. She should at least try to finish them before he got there. He'd lecture her she was sure of it, with his arms all crossed and his face squished and while most of the time it was cute she really wasn't in the mood.

She didn't move. She got on her socials and started scrolling. She didn't move when she heard someone walking down the hall, she didn't move when she heard the key in the door, she didn't move when Roman walked in. She just laid there, frustrated because she just couldn't move.

He looked at her. She could feel him looking at her. He was holding a plastic bag in one hand and his keys in the other. He closed the door and sighed.

"What's wrong Angel?"

Angel sniffed, she was still crying. He was waiting for an answer. "I can't do the dishes."

He raised a brow, "You can't do the dishes?"

"No Romi I can't, I tried and I can't okay? Why are you even here." She shoved her head into the pillow

He paused for a minute. "Okay." There was stifled irritation in that word. His heavy steps got closer, she could feel him towering over her. His hand brushed her hair, his calloused thumb running over her cheekbone. "I remembered I didn't get you peaches. You haven't eaten today, have you?" She didn't answer, he huffed. "Alright."

He walked away. A second later she heard the freezer open and close. Then the sound of clinking dishes. Angel peeked over her pillow. Romans back was hug. He rolled up his sleeves and started washing the dishes in her sink.

She should be the one doing that...

A few minutes later the sound of the water draining reached her. Angel wasn't crying anymore, but her head hurt, and she still felt terrible.

The freezer door opened and closed again. Roman came back to crouch in front of her. "It's sorbet, they didn't have icecream. And strawberries. Come, have some." He spooned some out for her, but she didn't open her mouth to take it. "Angel, please." She buried her face back in the pillow.

You're acting like a child...

He put the small container on the table in front of her next to the glass of juice she had completely forgotten she was looking for earlier. He took a deep breath, muttering something she couldn’t understand. He picked her up, hugging her to his chest, letting her legs wrap around him, and sat back down.

Angel buried her face in his neck. He smelled like cigarettes and soap. She stayed like that until she fell asleep.

#roman x angel fanfic #creative writing

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frecklystars · 2 years

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I know how hard it is to wait for things to get better, when things have been so bad for so long that it feels like there's only one option left.

I don't know why it's so easy for all the negative in a person's life to outweigh the positive. I don't know how everyone else seems to manage just fine while we have to struggle so much just to not want to die. Fighting this much just to exist is so tiring.

I'm sad and angry on your behalf at how your coworkers and family treat you. It's easy to see the parallels in people I know. You deserve better.

I love seeing your art (it's so cute and sparkly and emotive) and seeing you gush about shows and characters you're passionate about. You're a lovely and fun person.

We barely interact, we're technically strangers, so I have no right to ask anything of you. But I get it. I hope you stay around a little longer. I'll miss you when you decide to go.

I didn't want to answer any messages for a while, and I'm still gonna wait for a bit, but I wanted to address this one in particular

I appreciate how you phrased this... 90% of the messages I get are "you're so selfish, people would miss you" "just get a different job" "just do xyz" "killing yourself wont solve your problems tho" ... telling me things I already know. As if I'm not already spending all this time trying to find different jobs, as if all of my problems will magically be solved... I talk a lot on this blog, but I don't share everything abt my life and there is just So Much More happening that weighs on me every single day, and I hate when ppl just assume that they know me from a few posts... ppl just don't fucking understand and it's so infuriating when they give responses like that, and that's the main reason why I tell people to not leave any comments directly onto my vent posts unless if it's just something like "feel better soon" because most of the time people are just trying to act like they know so much better

And yeah, you're right!!! It's so fucking exhausting!!! Fighting this feeling all the goddamn time, it uses up all of our energy. I hate it. People say "just solve your problems instead of ending your life, why would you put your energy into such an irreversible decision" but it's hard! Most people can just... do several tasks a day without getting tired but I can't even do one single thing everyday. Depression is so, so draining. It isn't fair. Suicidal thoughts are so much worse, especially during full suicidal episodes/meltdowns because it eats at you constantly and you can't think. A serious breakdown can last for days or weeks or even months. I haven't been in my right mind in over a week, I am not myself at work and so many people can tell. I'm relapsing into old habits I had three years ago when I first attempted. I'm giving away my stuff. I'm writing goodbye letters. I'm not looking when I cross the street at my workplace. I'm looking at my friends in the eye and studying their face as if it is going to be my very last time seeing them. And you don't know how to make it stop until the episode passes, and you never know when it plans on passing, you're always scared it's never going to pass at all, that you're stuck feeling this way forever. And people just keep telling you to suck it up, or that it gets worse so you have to learn how to deal with it, or that if you do xyz then it gets better -- but you can't do xyz and then you feel even worse than before because you feel like everyone else can accomplish things to survive in this world, but you can't. It fucking hurts and I'm sorry that you have to go through this too, it's literally the worst feeling I've ever had and I haven't felt it this intensely in years. It's so fucking heavy and it really sucks, but it's even harder when people don't give support. We have to fight just to survive and then ppl look at us and act as if we aren't even trying and it really. fucking. sucks.

This message, though. This one made me actually breathe a sigh of relief. I was waiting for the inevitable condescending comments but there weren't any. Feeling suicidal is so alienating and so many ppl who even study psychology just... don't get it, they always say the wrong thing because they just assume we're choosing to feel this way. But hearing from someone who understands helps me most of the time... "I'm sorry you're going through this" "that sucks" "it's gonna be okay" those kinds of phrases are helpful. It doesn't cure me or anything but it's the most soothing thing I can hear, all I rly need to feel more grounded into the moment, and from there I can try to pull myself out of a spiral. It takes awhile and it's really hard and it will still take me a few days... and it took me several hours just today to feel like I didn't want to die every second, to stop planning things at least for a half hour; 13 hours after waking up today it's now almost 3 in the morning and I finally got around to eating something and feeling sort of like a person after watching some cartoons. I won't be able to sleep but that's just how it is. But in this moment I am not crying and not writing my goodbyes and not packing my figurines into boxes. I am still so heavy and broken and hurting and my arm is still bleeding but I am not spiraling and that's enough for me right now

Thank you for empathizing. I don't know what I'm gonna end up doing, and obviously right now i am in a very bad mental headspace so I'm unable to really contact anyone in the moment, but... in the future, if you need someone, feel free to reach out to me. Even if we don't rly know each other, you can reach me via inbox and I can try to dm you if you're comfortable with it. I will give you supportive words and I will be as empathetic as I can be. because I get it.

Thank you for giving me your kind words, they really did help. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

#i honestly dont know what im gonna decide to do #leaning very much towards a harsh decision but im gonna try to get out of it #i want to get better no matter how hard it is i just want to get better #and im hoping that my one day off on may 20th will help a lot #getting to meet my fave voice actor and giving him my art #and then maybe that experience will make me feel better #or at least more motivated to stick around to try to fix things #anonymous #asks #keepsake #suicide mention #and hey seriously thank you #ive had so many unsupportive messages for *weeks*#it was just a fucking relief to read that someone understands #all someone needs to do is sit next to me and hug me and say 'hey that sucks'#and then i feel a little less hopeless

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sweetmelopiano · 3 days

Text

vent post

don't hunt down anyone, please

i know you won't be able to see this, so with that knowledge, i feel more comfortable with expressing my thoughts in this space. i'm finally lowering this to the ground and leaving this to rest.

your entire argument as to why we're the supposed villains in your story arc is bogus, i'll get that out of the way. my intent was never to guilt-trip you– my intent was to get my point across that your reckless behavior affected me and others negatively, but i suppose that my willingness to criticize you and your problematic actions is just a manipulation tactic, isn't it? do you truly believe i would intentionally use my pain as a weapon against you, after the years i've spent being as genuine and honest as i could be with you?

you claim that me wanting your "full attention" after i left a group chat due to a compromising situation is "double standards", but i believe you just wanted something to say that sounds right to your narrative. you just want an excuse to finally drop me and the rest of us in our little community, so you pulled something straight out of your pie hole and called it a day. out of everything you could have used, you weaponized my vulnerability and twisted it into me being some sort of hypocrite. the thing is, "buddy", context matters. i wanted communication with you because you were one of the people i wanted to hear from after what had transpired in that group chat. as i told you before, i thought you dropped me after that. because of your blatant selfishness, i assumed you would hate me for– you know– stepping away from a place that was already inducing an ungodly amount of stress. you left because i left for my reasons (in which you instigated), not because you were "panicking". not only was you claiming i had double standards ridiculous– it was a low blow for your character, and it tells me enough of how you perceive me.

lastly, your point of talking about others without them knowing would have been valid had you not willingly partook in such discussions. the people we openly spoke about were people we had problems with. plus, i WOULD be more open if i had better experiences with BEING open. not a lot of people can handle jabs at their character, believe it or not, and that includes you especially. i turn to others because i feel more comfortable with them than the person i have concerns with. people like you are why confrontations are difficult, and what you said to me before i cut you off completely further cements that. by the way, i have spoken my criticisms to the people you listed. you lied to one of them, and you blocked another one of them without even speaking to them directly as far as i know. get off your high horse and grow up.

to finish this off, i'm glad you're gone now. i will not let you back into my life, whether you actually acknowledge how much you've hurt us– especially me– or not. i'm not apologizing for anything; you don't deserve a "sorry" from me after all of this. after all, why accuse me of making you "walk on eggshells" when it was you that did the same to me? it is you that has double standards, yet you refuse to take accountability and instead blame me and my friends for you "not being yourself" when we just wanted you to be more considerate of us. it was you who would constantly put me on a pedestal, focus almost always on me in a conversation, try to silence me on multiple occasions in the past, and a plethora of other things.

you never saw us as your "brothers and sisters". you only saw us as an audience that you could garner sympathy from, and once we saw through your act, you lashed out and left. if you had the audacity to accuse us of being backstabbers with such ease, you were never our friend to begin with.

don't ever consider coming back. i will never forgive you.

#melo's thoughts #vent post

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