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honeyedmiller · 1 month

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A Burning Desire part two

firefighter!joel x f!reader

rating: 18+ minors dni

warnings: joel miller au, mentions of food / eating, literally so much tooth-rotting fluff it’s actually sickening, reader can sit on joel’s lap, mutual pining, kissing, dry humping, no use of y/n.

word count: 6.2k

synopsis: joel takes you on your first date with him.

a/n: special thank you to @punkshort for the meeting at the firehouse idea and for letting me ramble about the infinite ideas i have for this story in our dms. i appreciate the heck outta you

part one here

The summer sun gleamed on you as you made your way up to the firehouse he worked at. The big red doors were open and inviting, the shiny red trucks sitting perfectly still in the apparatus bay as you shyly stepped into the building.

You carried a tray of cookies you made yourself, wanting to give it to the team as a thank you for being on the scene of your accident and getting you out safely. Well, they were mostly for Joel, Tommy, and the EMT’s. You weren’t able to see Joel in a few days and it drove you sort of crazy, so this was a perfectly good excuse. Joel would probably get teased by his coworkers again, and you’d probably get brought into the mix. It didn’t matter if it meant you got to see him.

It was odd, admitting that to yourself. You’d been single and alone for so long that you were used to the feeling of loneliness, but after meeting Joel, it genuinely sucked not being in his presence. You’ve only known the man for about a week, which made you feel even crazier for feeling this way.

The way you felt around him was almost unexplainable. Light. Happy. You didn’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not, which you had to do more often than not with your job.

Being around Joel Miller was like a tall glass of the purest, most refreshing water on Earth.

“Hey miss, can I help you?” A kind voice snaps you back to reality. The man was wiping his hands with a dish rag, a small smile on his face as he eyed what you had in your hands.

“Uh– yeah, actually, I came to drop these off for everyone. And uh– is Joel available?”

You didn’t know why you suddenly felt so shy. Maybe you were just worried as to what his coworkers would think about you coming to his job to ask to see him.

The man had a knowing smirk on his face and nodded.

“Ah, so you must be Miller’s mystery woman,” He laughs, jutting his chin up the steps. “He’s up there. Follow me.”

Your face heats up from his words. Joel talks about you to them?

You follow him up the stairs to the second floor where the lounge area and kitchen were. Many of them were gathered at the kitchen table while they ate, and a few others were playing a video game in the lounge area.

“Hey Miller.” The man calls out, and first Tommy turns around with a piece of garlic bread hanging out of his mouth as he plates what looks like lasagna. You have to stifle a laugh at the confused look on his face, but then your heart skips a beat when your eyes land on Joel.

He’s writing something down in a book, and he looks up at the man before his eyes flit to you. A grin spreads on his lips as you give him a shy smile and a small wave. He stands up from the table he was sitting at after capping his pen, making his way over to you.

“Darlin’, this is such a nice surprise. Whatcha doin’ here?” He brings you into a hug, and catches himself refraining from giving you a kiss of any sort. He already got enough teasing from his coworkers and brother.

“I made cookies for everyone. As a thank you, you know, for getting me out of that nasty accident.”

His eyes soften at your words, eyebrows furrowing together as he takes the plate from your hand.

“That’s so sweet of you. Thank you. I know these goons over here will devour these.” He motions his head to his coworkers behind him.

You laugh as you look behind him, all of his coworkers' heads turned your way as they watch the interaction between you two.

“You busy later tonight?” His voice drops a few octaves, setting the plate on the counter before he coaxes you to follow him downstairs again.

“Nope. Just watching reruns of The Bachelor.”

Joel quirks a brow at your show choice with a smile laced onto his lips.

“Would you mind if I stopped by later? I feel bad I haven’t been able to see you.”

“Don’t feel bad, Joel. I know you work odd hours,” You pause as he takes you into the locker rooms for some more privacy, away from prying eyes. “But of course you can come over. I’d love the company.”

“Great. Maybe I can pick up some take-out and we can eat it at your place?” He’s hopeful with a sparkle in his eyes that makes your stomach flutter, once again.

“Sounds great. I’ll text you the address when you get off work.”

“I look forward to seein’ you. Y’know, away from nosey people.” He chuckles, referring to his coworkers. You admire the crinkle around his eyes when he smiles.

“I look forward to it too, Joel,” You lean in and press your lips to his cheek. “I’ll see you later, cowboy.” You give him a wink before turning around to walk off, leaving him standing there with the goofiest grin plastered on his face.

A few hours had passed by since you stopped off at the firehouse, and you were tidying up last minute things before Joel came over.

You hadn’t had someone over at your place in a long time besides family, so a part of you wanted to impress him a little.

He’d be over any minute now and you couldn’t stop your heart from racing. You don’t know what it was, but Joel just made you so nervous in the best way possible. You felt like a teenager all over again with a crush you’d giggle with your friends about—but in this case, it was your sister.

Just as you finished fluffing up the last pillow on the couch, you heard a knock on your door.

You checked through the peephole just to be sure it was Joel, and when you saw it was, you couldn’t help the grin that spread across your lips. You open the door to him wearing more casual clothes, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that hugged his biceps really well, holding a bag of takeout in his hand.

“Hey darlin’.” He greets you with a smile on his face, and you move aside to let him in.

“Hey Joel.” You close the door after he’s in, locking the top lock before turning around to face him.

“Where should I set up this gourmet feast?” He teases, wiggling his eyebrows as he holds up the bag of Chinese food.

You huff a laugh and nod toward the dining room table. “There’s fine. Let me get some plates.”

You make your way to the cabinets in your kitchen, pulling down two plates for the both of you before you turn around, only to be met with the close proximity of Joel. You gasp and look at him, biting your lip to keep from smiling.

Goddamn teenager.

“So, I figured out where I wanna take ya for our first date.” He starts, leaning against the counter.

“I thought this was our first date.” You blink, eyes shifting to the delicious smelling Chinese food sitting on your dining room table just waiting to be devoured.

Joel snorts and crosses his arms, “You kiddin’ me? As much as I like bein’ in your company, this ain’t a date, darlin’. You deserve better than a half-assed plan to eat takeout and watch that one show you like.”

You look down at your socked feet, having never really felt like a priority anytime you were involved romantically with someone. You barely even know this man and he’s already shown more effort toward you than some men of your past.

“Baby, look at me,” Joel tilts your chin up again so your gaze meets his, and he gives you a soft smile that makes your insides absolutely melt. “As long as I’m around, I’m gonna make sure you feel important. It’s the least you deserve.”

And you want to believe him, so fucking bad. There’s this stupid nagging voice in the back of your head telling you that what he’s saying isn’t true—you don’t deserve to feel important and being single was the best decision you could’ve made for yourself.

You force those thoughts to drown for now, focusing on him and his gentle gaze.

“Thank you.” You give him a small smile, and his hand moves to cup your cheek, swiping his thumb back and forth.

“‘Course. But, I gotta get somethin’ off my chest before we take this whole datin’ thing any further.”

You furrow your brows, and the way his gaze shifts to a pleading look makes you nervous. What could it possibly be?

“I know this ain’t for everyone, and I understand if you don’t wanna see me anymore after this–” He pauses, lips twisting to the side as his eyes move to the ground, “But I really hope this doesn’t change what we got goin’ on. I really do like you, darlin’.”

“What is it, Joel?” You can’t even concentrate on the sweet words that just oozed out of his mouth. Your stomach was coiling into an unwanted knot, endless possibilities of what he has to say in mind.

“I have a daughter.”

That’s what he was worried about? Oh.

“Oh wow, that’s amazing, Joel. Why would you think I wouldn’t want to see you after you told me this?” You’re the one reassuring him now, gently grabbing his face in your hands before swiping your thumbs over the stubble on his jaw.

“You’d be surprised how many women have run for the hills after I’ve told them that.” A sad chuckle bubbles from his throat, and you lean forward to kiss his nose.

“Not this one, cowboy.”

Joel didn’t tell you a single thing about where he was taking you. All he told you was to dress comfortably for the hot weather and wear some walking shoes, so you opted for a tank top and jeans with rips at the knees and your comfiest shoes.

You heard a knock on the front door of your apartment, and you eagerly checked the peephole before opening up the door. You grinned at Joel, but stopped short when you saw him wearing a Stetson.

Fuck, he looked so good.

“Howdy.” He greets in true cowboy fashion, and you can’t help the laugh that bubbles in your throat.

“Howdy there, cowboy.” You flick the brim of his hat teasingly before grabbing your purse, locking up as you both head down to his truck.

“So you’re still not gonna tell me where we’re heading to?” You ask once you’re both buckled in, and the truck roars to life.

“You’ll see in a few minutes. Jus’ wanted to surprise you a little for our first… of hopefully many… dates.” He mumbles the last part under his breath, but your heart rate accelerates knowing he wanted to continue to see you.

Soft tunes play within the confines of the cab of the truck and you look out of your window. It was all flatlands for a few miles, and then you both hit a bit of traffic, but you could easily see the huge ferris wheel from where you were at.

You gasped as you sat straight in your seat, eyes shooting to Joel. “You’re taking me to the state fair?” You couldn’t contain your excitement. You absolutely loved the nostalgia the fair brought you, and you hadn’t been in a few years.

“Mhm.” He says, tugging at his shirt collar with his index finger nervously.

You grin and lean over the center console, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you. I’m so excited.”

Joel smiles at your words and reaches for your hand, giving it a squeeze.

“I’m glad. I was hopin’ you’d be into this idea. I know it’s not a traditional first date in any sense, but I gotta keep ya on your toes.” Joel winks at you, and you toss your head back with a laugh.

“Miller, you’ve done that since the first words we spoke to each other at Rosemary’s. I know we’ve only known each other a short time, but I really do like you and it’s nice to be in the company of someone who actually puts thought into things like this. It means a lot.”

“‘M glad you feel that way, darlin’. It means a great deal that you think so highly of me.” His tone is playful, but his words are sincere.

“Only ‘cus you literally saved me from being trapped in my car. No biggie.” You huff a laugh, and he wraps his right arm around your shoulder to give your body a light shake.

You both sit in a comfortable silence before making it to the parking lot. Once you find a parking spot, you practically drag Joel to the ticket booth to purchase admission into the fair. He couldn’t help but laugh and admire your eagerness.

“Okay,” He starts, looking at you with hopeful eyes. “Where to first?”

“I’m actually pretty hungry. Wanna start off with food?” You ask him, and he nods immediately. You link your hand with his, and he lets you keep your fingers interlocked, so you lead him toward the so-called food court of the fair.

The array of smells coming from every which way had you practically salivating. You ended up getting some wings and fries with a side of fried pickles, while Joel got a turkey leg and blooming onion.

You make your way to a table and settle in, diving into your food. You push your plate of fried pickles toward Joel, and he happily plucks a couple off the plate and pops them into his mouth.

“I swear there’s nothing on this Earth like fair food.” He hums, shaking his head as he chews on another fried pickle.

“Agreed,” You say, eating a couple of fried pickles yourself before you speak up again. “So, tell me about Sarah, if you’d like.”

Joel’s eyes avert to yours at the mention of her name, and the biggest smile overtakes his features. His eyes crinkle in pure happiness and he’s elated that you want to hear about his baby girl.

“She’s so charismatic. Most sure fourteen year old you’d ever meet,” He starts with a grin as he begins to gather all the intel about his daughter so he can tell you exactly what she’s like. “She’s so smart, n’ I’m not jus’ sayin’ that ‘cus I’m her dad, but she really does carry such intelligence. She’s witty, funny, sarcastic, and just so damn bright. She easily captivates a crowd in a room with her wit n’ charm, which she obviously gets from me.” Joel boasts with a proud look on his face before shooting you a wink.

You can’t help but giggle at the way he jokes, but you deeply admire the way he talks about her. You can tell she’s his whole world and more, and seeing a father love his daughter as much as he does warms your heart immensely.

Joel was starting to show his heart on his sleeve. It was like uncovering invisible ink inch by inch.

“She sounds absolutely wonderful. I’m sure she keeps you on your toes.”

“She absolutely does.” He can’t help the pride that blooms in his chest. Raising her as a single parent wasn’t easy, but he made do. He thought he did a pretty good job.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to Sarah’s mom?” Joel gave you a sad smile, and maybe that wasn’t territory you should’ve crossed, you think.

“She left shortly after Sarah was born. Didn’t wanna deal with bein’ a parent so young n’ all. I might’ve raised her all by myself, but her n’ I grew up together. She’s taught me endless love and so much patience.”

“Oh Joel, I’m sorry–” He shakes his head, stopping you mid-sentence.

“It’s okay, darlin’. Sarah n’ I navigate life together. That’s just how it is. We’re so used to it that having her mother in the picture would honestly be very weird.” He plucks another fried pickle from your plate, popping it into his mouth with a sly grin. You can’t help but return the smile.

“Well, thank you for sharing that with me. I’m sure it probably wasn’t easy.”

Joel shrugs, “It got easier to talk about overtime. Sarah n’ I are great.”

“Does she know you’re on a date right now?” You’re curious. You don’t want to be the person that suddenly barges into their lives and disrupts their routine or anything. Sarah sounds so sweet, and the last thing you wanted was to intervene between the two.

“She does, actually. She’s been hecklin’ me to go out n’ date again. She’s on the varsity soccer team at school n’ since she spends so much time with her team, she didn’t want me to be lonely. She was excited when I told her I was goin’ on a date today.”

“She just wants you to be happy,” You say, and he nods. “Don’t blame her. I’d want the same for you, too.”

“I am happy. You make me happy. Don’t know what it is about you that’s got me feelin’ so crazy inside. Feels like I’m a teenage boy again.” Joel laughs, and your eyes widen, because that’s exactly how you feel.

“Joel, that’s—”

You heard your name being called from a short distance away, and your head swiveled around to lock eyes with none other than your sister.

“Shit.” You say under your breath, and Joel’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What’s the matter?” He asks, but before you could answer, your sister and her fiancé stroll up to the table.

“Hey sis! Didn’t know you’d be here today.” She has a shit-eating grin on her face, like she just caught you doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing.

“Didn’t know you’d be here either.” You give her a tight-lipped smile, eyes shifting to the man standing beside her.

“Hi Josh.” You greet him with a small wave, and the sympathy in his eyes is enough of a forewarning that you were going to be in for it from your sister.

“So who’s this?” Your sister gestures to Joel, and you glare at her briefly. You felt heat creep up your body, feeling a little ticked off. You wanted to keep Joel a mystery just a little longer.

“This is Joel. Joel, this is my sister and her fiancé Josh.” You introduce them three, and while you’re feeling nothing short of embarrassed, Joel has a big smile on his face as he extends his hand to shake both of theirs.

“Nice to meet y’all.” He says, and your sister beams.

“Ah, so you’re the mystery firefighter my sister always gushes about,” She laughs, and you groan and hide your face behind your hands. “Thank you for getting her out of that horrible car accident, by the way.” Her voice was coated with sincerity and gratefulness.

“‘S no problem, really. I’d rescue her any day.” He looks at you as you peek an eye through your fingers, and he shoots you a wink.

Your sister ‘aww’s at Joel’s words.

The heat in your face never wavers and you hide your face again, shaking your head in pure embarrassment.

“So when’s the wedding?” Joel asks politely, making conversation so awkwardness doesn’t roll over the four of you.

Your sister can’t help but gleam when she answers him, “August tenth! You should come. It would be so much fun.”

Your hands evade your face, and you look up at your sister with furrowed brows and a panicked stare. What the hell was she doing?

Joel looked at you for a second with a small smile, and you wanted so badly to shrink into yourself and let the world swallow you whole.

“Love to, only if this one would like me to go.” He nudges your foot under the table playfully, and an awkward chuckle escapes you.

“You’d be subjected to my family if you went, Joel. I’m not sure you’d wanna deal with… all that.”

Your sister laughs at your words, “She does have a fair point. Our brothers and cousins are quite the rowdy bunch.”

“I like a challenge.” Joel smirks, eyes locking with yours.

“I like him even more now.” Your sister laughs, nudging you on your shoulder.

You shoo her hand away, rolling your eyes. “Okay, okay. It’s up to you, Joel, but I’m giving you a huge warning in advance.”

He grins at you and grabs your hand from across the table, gently swiping his thumb over your soft skin.

“Well, It was nice to meet you, Joel. Josh and I are gonna head out and grab a funnel cake.” Your sisters bids you both goodbye, and you and Joel both say your goodbyes before they walk off.

“God, Joel, I am so sorry. I hope you don’t feel pressured into going to her wedding or anything. I know it’s like a month away and–”

Joel stops you with a kiss to the back of your hand. “Not at all, darlin’. But if you rather I not go, then I won’t. ‘S up to you.”

“It’s not that–it’s just–,” You sigh, trying to find the right wording. “I’ve been single for so long. My last relationship didn’t end well, and my family is overprotective of me because they don’t wanna see me get hurt again. They can be… a bit much, sometimes.”

You look at him, and he gives your hand a squeeze.

“I mean, that’s understandable. Nobody likes seein’ members of their family gettin’ hurt, especially in a relationship. ‘M sorry your last one ended badly, but baby, if you let me, I’d love to give you everythin’ I can. I know this datin’ thing is scary, because hell, it took me so long to say yes to someone’s advances, but I really do like you and I would love to see where this goes.”

You’re elated by Joel’s words. He was just so damn sweet and you genuinely felt like you didn’t deserve any of this. Dating is a scary thing, and the thought of giving yourself to someone again, letting them in to get to know all of you, terrified you.

But, your sister's words ring in your head, once again. The world won’t end if you give up an ounce of control.

“I’m glad you said yes to my advances.” You say, and Joel lifts your hands to his lips once again, giving it several kisses.

“‘M happy I did, too.”

“So which game do you want to play?” Joel asks, looking back at you as you try to fall into step with him. It was a couple of hours later, the sunset starting to creep in.

“The water gun game. Love that one.” You grin, and he leads the way to the last two empty seats on the side. Joel hands the man running the game four tickets as you both settle in your seats, and you flash Joel a smirk.

“Get ready to get your ass handed to you, cowboy.” Your shoulders shake with laughter as he gives you a look. He didn’t expect a competitive side to come out of you, but he liked it. A lot.

“‘M ready, baby. Don’t hold back now.” He laughs as you both take hold of the metal machines, hovering your thumbs over the red buttons on the top. The bell goes off to start, and you zero in on getting the water into the tiny target. You don’t even think you blink until the bell goes off, signifying that someone won.

You look up at the poles, and although Joel beat you, neither of you won. Some guy at the other end won and picked out a prize for his girlfriend and gave her a big kiss after she got a big plushie.

You smile at the scene before you, and Joel notices you looking at them. He was determined to win something for you, because he wanted you to remember this day.

He leads you over to a ball throwing game where he has to knock down bottles on three tiers of shelves. Nobody else was at the stand, so he got the opportunity to show off and impress you.

You couldn’t help the way your eyes moved to the rippling biceps beneath the hem of his shirt, trailing them up to his tan neck, to the slightly graying stubble on his jaw, to his plush lips and strong angular nose, and his pretty eyes. His soft brown curls were barely peeking out from under his Stetson, and all you wanted to do was take his hat off and run your fingers through his hair.

He’s a fucking dreamboat, and you really couldn’t believe that you were able to pull someone like him.

“This one’s for you, baby.” He turns to wink at you, catching you staring at him. Heat shoots up to your face and you give him a shy smile, watching as he easily knocks down five bottles. Even the game attendant was impressed, and Joel pulled you into his side so you could pick out whichever stuffed animal you wanted.

You chose a big teddy bear that was squishy, giving Joel a kiss on the cheek and thanking him for winning it for you.

“So how many teddy bears have you won for previous women? You made that look too easy.” You joke, nudging his side as you both walk away from the game.

“Mm, around thirty. I’m a regular here.” Joel deadpans. Your mouth drops open in mock offense, and the most guttural laugh erupts from his chest.

“Jus’ you, baby. Tommy n’ I used to play catch a lot.” He reassures you, and you quirk your brow at him.

“Better be, Miller, or there’ll be hell to pay.” You poke his chest with no malice behind your actions.

“I bet there will be, darlin’.” He catches your hand and spins you around so your back is flush against his front, and he kisses your neck. He’s moving ahead of you before you even have time to process what just happened, but excitement zinged through your body at his gesture.

You walk for about five minutes before you spot a photo booth not even twenty feet away. You stop him in his tracks and look at him with the best pleading eyes you can muster up.

“Would you hate me if I asked you to take pictures with me?” You nod your head toward the photo booth, and Joel looks taken aback.

“Hate you? I could never. I’d love to take pictures with you.”

You guess you didn’t realize your wording before you said it. You were so used to your ex hating things you wanted to do, including taking photos to capture memories. He always made you feel bad about it, so you stopped doing it so much after you broke up. You just didn’t realize that the shitty feeling was still buried somewhere inside you.

Joel tugs you along to the photo booth, sliding in first. The bench was extremely small, and it was nearly impossible to fit both of you side-by-side.

“Jus’ sit on my lap.” Joel suggests, spreading his legs and patting his thigh. You swallow harshly and nod, sitting on his lap.

You both get situated and put the two dollars in the machine before pressing the start button. Joel grabs on to your hips, and you nearly melt into a fucking puddle at his touch.

It’d been so long since anyone has simply touched you, so your whole body was buzzing with nerves and excitement.

You both smile for the first photo. You didn’t know what to do next, so you threw up a peace sign, Joel following your lead. For the third photo, you grabbed Joel’s face and gently squished him between your forefinger and thumb, sticking your tongue out.

You look at the screen and realize Joel was staring at you, so you turn your head to look at him. His smile is soft and his eyes are hooded, glancing down at your lips.

You pluck his Stetson off of his head, covering half of your faces as Joel leans in and closes the gap, kissing you gently. Your body melts into his as you bring your other hand up to his curls, running your fingers through them to cradle the back of his head. His arms tighten around you, and he deepens the kiss, turning his head to the side.

The last sound of the shutter goes off, but neither of you pull away. The arm holding his hat moves to rest on his shoulder as your lips move in tandem. You don’t know how long you were there just kissing. It was gentle and sweet, but there was a ferocious hunger that was brewing beneath the surface. You both felt it.

You had to pull away before you lost all control, so you regrettably separated yourself from him. He rubbed his nose against yours, breathing a little ragged, before he leaned back to look at you.

He cups your face and swipes his thumb over your cheekbone, giving you one last peck as reality trickles back down around you both once more. You put his hat back on his head before standing up from his lap, an unavoidable neediness coursing through your body.

You grabbed both of the photo strips that were printed, smiling at them when you saw what they looked like. You never thought you’d admit to yourself ever again that you looked good with someone else by your side, but you couldn’t deny the sparkle in your eyes that you saw in the photos—all because of Joel.

It scared you, truthfully. The thought of relying on someone else for happiness or reassurance just didn’t sit well with you quite yet, but what was the point of it all if you weren’t willing to let yourself just try?

An hour passed before beautiful hues of orange, purple and pink took over as dusk settled on the horizon of the sky. You and Joel decided to split a funnel cake, but not without getting powdered sugar all over yourselves.

“You got a little…” Joel trails off as he reaches his thumb out to the corner of your mouth, swiping off some stray powdered sugar before popping his thumb into his mouth. You lick your lips and watch him carefully, the ache of arousal only getting worse.

“Wanna go on the ferris wheel?” You ask, desperate to distract yourself from your undying want for this man.

“Love to.”

You both dust off any powdered sugar left behind on your shirts, walking hand-in-hand to the ferris wheel. Joel gave the ride attendant the last six tickets he had, and you both climbed on.

You were silent for most of the ride, admiring all the twinkling lights and patrons below. You glance at Joel who was already looking at you once again, and you can’t help the smile from forming.

“Thank you so much for today. I had a lot of fun.”

“‘Course, darlin’. ‘M glad I got to do this with you.”

“Me too. I have some pretty great souvenirs, too.” You clutch onto your teddy bear, and he shakes his head with a laugh.

The ferris wheel came to a stop, and you realized you were both at the top as you looked down at the fairgrounds below.

“Would it be super fuckin’ cheesy and cliché if I asked you to kiss me right now?” Joel asks, scooting closer to you.

“It would,” You start, leaning in to him. “But I don’t care. Be as cheesy and cliché as you’d like.”

He grins before tipping your chin up with his thumb and forefinger, pressing his lips to yours once more. This time was a bit different. Joel kissed you with more force, neediness coursing through his body just as much as yours.

He swiped his tongue against your bottom lip, and you immediately parted your lips for him. You couldn’t help the moan that bubbled in your throat as you moved closer to him, gripping onto his bicep.

It was so easy to get lost in him. It was easy to talk with him, to laugh with him, to be with him. So, so fucking easy.

You’d never felt this way about anyone before. It was wild to think about, because you just met him not even a month ago, but you could see yourself being so unapologetically happy with him.

It might’ve been insane to think about that so early on, but your gut was telling you that you finally chose right.

You were so wrapped up in each other and the heated kiss you were exchanging that you didn’t even realize the ferris wheel started moving again, and you eventually reached the bottom. The ride attendant awkwardly cleared their throat with a tight-lipped smile, and you immediately pulled away from Joel.

You were mortified as you uttered ‘sorry’ at least five times before getting off the ride with Joel.

Joel couldn’t help but laugh that you two had been caught, but he couldn’t care less. He felt so himself and so carefree around you.

“Should we head back to yours?” He asks, a hint of desperation in his tone. You couldn’t even find the right words because your brain was absolute mush, so you just nod your head in agreement.

The ride home didn’t take long, but as soon as you walked through your apartment door with him and set your prize and purse down, he was on you. He gently pushed you up against the door, hands wrapping around you as one moved down to your lower back.

He separated his lips from yours for a second, nibbling on your chin. “Is it okay if I touch you?” He asks, voice filled with hope.

God, please, yes. Touch me everywhere, you think.

“Yes.” You whisper, and his lips are on yours once again. His tongue invaded your mouth, this kiss even hungrier than it was on the ferris wheel. One of his hands moved down to your ass, and you moaned into his mouth at the touch, fisting the back of his shirt into your hand in desperation.

He moved you away from the door and walked backward toward your couch, plopping down on it. He immediately yanks your hips down so you’re straddling him, and you gently take the Stetson off of his head before setting it to the side. You crash your lips to his once again, both of your hands cupping his cheeks as you press yourself into his crotch unintentionally.

Joel groans at the sensation, cock stirring in his jeans as you both continue to invade each other’s mouths, all teeth and tongue. His hands move down to your ass, giving it a squeeze as he guides you to rock your hips against his.

You don’t even shy away anymore. You want this—you want him. But you had to pace yourself, not wanting to bite off more than you can chew. You ground your hips into his, clit catching perfectly onto the seam of your jeans as you felt his bulge straining against the denim he was wearing.

“Fuck, Joel.” You whine, biting your bottom lip as you separate your lips from his.

“I know, baby. Feels good, doesn’t it?” He’s breathless as he moves you a little faster, and you nod your head feverishly.

“Yeah–yes–fuck, it does. So good.” Your arousal was coating your panties, slick and warm as your cunt ached to be touched.

Slow. Slow, you had to remind yourself.

You’d just have to take care of yourself after he left tonight.

“Fuck–darlin’ I think we should–wait.” Joel tries to find the words as they barely register in his head.

You slow your hips down, panting against him and you nod.

“I know. We should take it slow.” You say, and he licks his lips with a nod.

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, as much as I’d love to–I jus’– I haven’t been with anyone in a real long time, and I don’t wanna fuck this up. I wanna do this right.”

“I know, Joel. I’m with you. I wanna take this slow, too. I like you a lot and I wanna do this right with you as well.”

Your eyes bored into his brown ones, sparkling with hope and happiness. He kissed your cheek a few times before nosing at your jaw, hands moving up to settle on your hips again.

He pulled back and looked at you with that same soft smile on his handsome face—a sight you knew you’d never tire of.

You’d quickly come to a revelation as you stared at him, chest heaving up and down as you desperately tried to catch your breath: you were falling—and this time, you didn’t want to get back up.

tags: @ilovepedro ; @nostalxgic ; @endlessthxxghts ; @pamasaur ; @clawdee ; @pascalpvnk ; @bensonispunk ; @merz-8 ; @darkblue-tennesseee ; @buckyispunk ; @untamedheart81 ; @picketniffler ; @fluffygoffpanda ; @paleidiot ; @typewriter83 ; @lizzie-cakes ; @sawymredfox ; @keylimebeag ; @nandan11

divider by @saradika-graphics

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #firefighter!joel miller #joel miller series #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller fluff #joel miller imagine #joel miller au #fic: a burning desire

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bigfatbimbo · 3 months

Text

Lute and Sinner!Fem!Reader

a/n — Taking an Idea I had from a request and running with it because I completely twisted it into something else in my head.

Summary — Lute has a very homoerotic rivalry with fem!sinner!reader in the form of vague headcanons and loose storylines.

Warnings — unbareable sapphic tension, mention of injuries and blood

Let’s start off with the obvious; Lute has no idea how to process feelings for the reader.

I mean you’re literally a demon from hell, there should be nothing appealing about you in the slightest.

Unfortunately for Lute, she found absolutely everything appealing about you and this pisses her off to an insane amount.

She would spend hours trying to justify it in her head only for every excuse to fall flat. If she wasn’t already practically pulling her hair out over this, now she is.

She finds herself looking forward to the next extermination more and more. The scary part was that the reason wasn’t just because of the chance to slaughter vile demons.

She wanted to see you.

So what does every lesbian in denial do when they have complicated feelings for someone they shouldn’t? Start a rivalry.

Every extermination she seeks you out and fights you specifically

“You, vile demon! Come out here and face me!” She would absolutely make a scene as she is incredibly intense.

I feel like you would surprise her with being able to keep up with her fighting skills, or at least almost.

Like I feel like she would go easy on you at first. After all, she just wants your attention, she doesn’t actually want to kill you.

After a little bit she would actually have to start really trying in order to not actually lose.

Of course that would piss her off and turn her on at the same time, leaving her incredibly aggravated.

Maybe after a couple exterminations you would be already used to Lute and her shenanigans and you would play along.

“Hey, sweetheart, how’s heaven treating you these days?” You would tease while dodging her sharp spear.

“Don’t call me sweetheart, you demon scum!” She would hiss back at you, trying to hide her blush by violently jabbing her weapon your way.

I don’t think she would play along in your flirting at all. She wouldn’t even humor you, just get slightly more angry and flustered.

OH. MY. GOD. There would be SO MUCH unresolved sexual tension.

Obviously Lute is too loyal to heaven to give into lust so there’s just a lot of pining, lingering touches, and bedroom eyes.

Threats are definitely the main love language here.

“That’s right run! I’m going to ruin that pretty face of yours when I catch you, you vile creature,”

“Aw, Lute! I never imagined you were such a flirt,” You would wink back, thrusting your dagger towards her in a swift motion.

She dodged it and fell back, “I—I meant with my spear, you sick pervert!”

“Still called me pretty.”

“UGH, I’m going to rip your head off its shoulders!” she would storm at you and hope you dodge her blow last second.

If one of you ends up on top of the other while fighting, that would literally kill her.

You would both be so close, breathing into eachother, faces inches apart, lips slightly parted and—

“Distracted much, Lute?” You would raise your eyebrow and she would immediately switch positions and fall back into the rest of the exterminators.

I do think that as much as she pretends to hate you, she would genuinely loose her shit if one of the other exterminators hurt you.

Like she would be screaming at them.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? You think you can just attack her like that and—“ She would realize how this looked and correct herself “—um, with that form? Can you do ANYTHING right, you useless excuse for a soldier?”

Then she would chase you off to where none of the exterminators are watching and corner you.

“I don’t have much time,” she would look over your wound, “Are you alright? Are you— are you bleeding out?”

“Well, I don’t imagine i’m in the best condition, thanks for asking,” you nod down to the where the angel stabbed you and glance back up at her.

She looked off, almost like she was genuinely concerned. Her hands would hover over the stab wound as she assessed what to do.

“What’s gotten into you?” You would inquire, trying not to wince.

“I just— well, I’m—“ she would stammer, before ripping off a piece of her uniform and pressing it against your injury. You suck in breath.

“I can’t have my favorite enemy dying from an angel who’s not me.” She would finish, trying to sound cold even though her voice was borderline wavering.

“Sounds like you’re going soft on me,” You smirk weakly.

“Never going to happen, demon,” she would almost smile at you.

There would be a moment of silence as her fingers grave your open cut and linger against your stomach.

She cleared her throat, awkwardly, “Apply pressure to the wound and clean it as soon as you can. You’ll be fine.”

With that, she would leave and go back to slaughtering demons, probably wishing she could have stayed with you.

a/n — smut of her later tonight because i’m obsessed and need her biblically (Haha)

Also you guys are so Once More to See You by Mitski coded.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fluff #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel lute #lute x reader #lute hazbin hotel #wlw x reader #rival Lute

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angelltheninth · 5 months

Note

Could I get fushiguro megumi or itadori yuuji with #10 "Christ, put some clothes on" and #160“Faster! Please, let me come!” and #“Come for me, you’ve done so well.” but like with mutual pining and roommate! reader or roommate's best friend! reader? Pleaseeeeeee? I love your writing so much! I look forward to it fucking everyday!!!!!

Going with Yuuji cause one of my moots really loves him!

Pairing: Yuuji Itadori x Fem!Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, roommates to lovers, making out, confession, begging, praise, couch sex, slightly sub!Yuuji

Word count: 1.2k

A/N: I love giving my moots, and all of you of course, delicious content.

10. “Christ, put some clothes on!” + 126. “Faster! Please, let me come!” + 160. “Come for me, you’ve done so well.”

Yuuji was perfectly comfortable walking around your shared apartment, he didn't even notice how much you were staring at him. When you see him pass by you wearing only his boxers and the slightest beginnings of an erection you try your best to look away. It's not as easy at is sound and you would never yell at him for what his body does in the morning, especially in the morning. That being said you do take your own hoodie off and throw it at him.

"Christ, put some clothes on!" Yuuji misses catching your shirt because you're standing in front of him in your bra and pants, what else should he do. It's also making his erection worse, more prominent. "Why are you giving it to me?"

You felt your eyes disobeying you and looking down at his bulge instead of his cute and confused face, "You're the one walking around with a hard-on. Do you know how... hard it is not to jump you when you're like that around me? Do you know what that does to me?" The moment those words left your mouth you regraded them. You were ready to run back to your room and never come out.

His hands were on your shoulders faster then you could take a step back. "What does it do to you?" He asked.

"W-Well it... distracts me and... makes me say stupid things."

"I don't think you're stupid at all." Yuuji leaned in close until your back hit the kitchen wall and your front felt his body heat. "I always thought you were pretty smart." He was always generous with his praise, no matter how small it may be. "And I wouldn't be walking around like this if I didn't want you to look at me."

"Y-You wanted me to look at you?" Come to think of it he was always very well covered up when you had company over. Even around the women who flirted with him. You were never one of those women, you didn't want to make him feel awkward around you.

This was still a shared apartment after all.

"Duh. Who else would I be walking around like this for? I am pretty good looking but I'm not in love with myself." He cupped your cheeks and smiled warmly, "I'm in love with you."

Not long after those words left his lips clothes no longer mattered, it was in the way, you wanted all of it gone. Yuuji was in the middle of sliding your underwear down your legs, while also kissing the softness of your thighs, you mumbled, "Don't tease."

"Don't tease? Where's the fun in that?" He moved his head closer, his tongue so close to the source of your ache. "Maybe you'd prefer my mouth elsewhere. Here maybe?" It wasn't your pussy that he went for next but your neck, sucking a big bruise on the side of it, "This better?"

"Yuuji!" He looked at you innocent eyes. Pretending his hands weren't spreading your legs open and his cock wasn't passing through your wetness, pressing against your entrance and then pretending to miss it and slide upwards. You let out a frustrated sound and yanked him forward by the shoulders, using the momentum to flip and pin him against the couch. "If you're not gonna stop teasing me then..." Yuuji grinned up at you as if asking you to do your worst. "Then, Yuuji, I'll have to make you beg."

"Beg for what?" He genuinely didn't seem to get it. But you'll make him understand.

By easing yourself down and sitting fully on his dick. "That's much better." You sighed and started fucking yourself on his cock, as slowly as he was teasing you earlier. Yuuji pulled his bottom lip between his lips, savoring your long, high moans as you slid up and down. He wouldn't beg you for it. This was fine, he had experience holding it in.

Not when his cock was enveloped in such warmth, such bliss. Not with the most perfect pair of tits swaying up and down slowly, making his mouth water and his eyes unable to look away.

"You're having so much fun right now? Aren't you?" He narrowed his eyes at you, grunting when your cunt squeezed around the tip of his cock.

"With making a mess out of you? Absolutely." Yuuji surged forward to press his lips against yours, trying to encourage a faster pace. You wouldn't break for him, he was the one who'd break for you. Under you.

"You're the worst roommate." He gripped your hips to ground himself.

You chuckled against his chin, "I know."

"I'm serious!" Yuuji groaned when you started a slow and steady riding pace, "You don't clean up your clothes," His hands gripped your ass to push you deeper onto his cock, "you take way too long in the bath," his cock pulsed inside of you when you took him on balls deep, "you take my food instead of telling me to buy you your own, you, mmmn-!" His mouth opened as he moaned, "you're riding my cock way too slowly."

Everything he said, except for the last one, has been a thing for a while, "Oh. I'm awfully sorry I made your life so hard. I promise I'll make it up to you by being a good roommate from now on." You kissed the tip of his nose as your voice dropped to a flirty tone, "And an even better girlfriend."

"G-Girlfriend?" His eyes widened, shining like stars as he soaked your words in. You didn't give him much time to process, squeezing around him again. "Fuck. I can't come like this. You want to be good for me right?" He cupped the back of your neck with one hand and pulled you closer, his breath tickling your lips, "Faster! Please, let me come!" The begging was only partially quieted down by the kisses you shared.

"Yuuji." You whimpered against his lips at the wonderful stretch his throbbing cock provided every time you sat on it. He grabbed your tits with one hand, the other still caressing the back of your neck. His fingers pinched your nipple, making you shake and cry his name out, pushing you closer to the edge as well. "Yuuji, Yuuji, fuck me." Your nails scratched his shoulders as his pace grew sloppy, no longer caring that yours was slow, both of you letting out loud gasps and moans. "I love you."

"I love you too. Fucking love you." How could he not? How could he hold back from sucking on your breasts as he relentlessly fucked you. You downright screamed as your orgasms came crashing down on you at the same time. Yuuji kept fucking you through it, moaning you name after one final push.

He pulled you against him as you kissed his neck and ran your hands through his damp hair. "We... that really just happened?"

"Yeah it did." He sounded so smug. You could see the beginnings of a smirk on his lips, "We can never let our friends sit on this couch ever again."

"Hush you. We'll worry about that later. Carry me to bed won't you?"

"Hm, tired already?" He teased.

"No. But we won't have to refurniture the whole apartment if we only keep it to the bed." If that was the reason he would carry you to bed, he would carry you wherever you wanted. And not pull his cock out during it.

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #yuuji itadori x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk smut #yuuji itadori smut #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jjk fanfic #yuuji itadori fanfic #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jjk imagine #yuuji itadori imagine #jujutsu kaisen x female reader #jjk x female reader

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lovelyyandereaddictionpoint · 6 months

Note

Hey if it’s not to much trouble, could I please get a tanjiro! Fem reader with yandere ouran high school host club? I just feel like the sunny personality and hard work would pair nicely.

Tanjiro Reader | Yandere Ouran Host Club

Your smiles, your optimism, and your empathy make you a perfect guest at the Ouran Academy’s host club. Your sweetness is irresistible and your willingness to help just makes keeping you at the Host club all the better. Too bad you seem intent on chasing after one:

Tamaki Suoh

“W-whoa y-your strong!”

“Well thank you! I do a lot of training.”

Is amazed by how much power you have

Over him and in general

Just the way you’re so willing to scoop him up when he dramatically pretends he can’t move

Not to mention you seem so ambitious

But for whatever reason you just won’t share

“Its kinda….yeah I think its best if I don’t talk about it.”

“B-b-but (Y/n)! I have to know everything!”

He couldn’t not know the love of his life’s personal struggles

While he could hire someone to find out its just more fun if he goes exploring stalking himself

Let’s just hope he doesn’t die on the way

Kyoya Ootori

You’re an elusive character he can’t help but fall in love with

So sweet, so kind but there’s something more

Something fiery

And through all his employee’s research he can find nothing

Only that your funded by the Ubayashiki group and that your sibling is a mute allergic to the sun

But he needs to know more

Like where those scars came from or why your so strong

“Well I guess there’s only one way to find out. Oh (Y/n) why don’t you travel with m-us to the Ootori resort?”

Hikaru Hitachin

Why were you so perfect?

He was just genuinely asking

It was a little weird how you could tell him apart from his brother by smell

but he wasn’t complaining when you can smell exactly what he’s feeling

And what he’s been through

“W-what are you doing here (Y/n)?”

“Well it smelt like some blood on you, are you hurt anywhere?”

“Ah uh yeah, right uhm here.”

He can’t help but want more of you

Your just so smart

Its hard to protect his place in your heart

But no worries that’s nothing money can’t fix right

Kaoru Hitachin

“Y’know you’re almost too perfect. Theres got to be something wrong with you.”

“Heheh maybe there is!”

You’re so sweet

Everyone loves you and you listen to everyone

But who listens to you

What are you hiding

To be so strong, so powerful, so skilled

He’d love to protect you at least once

He can be worthy of you

Just you wait and see

Takashi Morinozuka

“Ah you remind me of Nezukuro. Oh! That’s my sibling!”

He likes you

A lot

Always responsible, always kind

Who wouldn’t love you

Which is what he tries to reason with when others pine for you

“Leave them alone.”

He doesn’t like hurting others

Unless its for you

Mitskuni Haninozuka “Honey”

“(YYYY/NNNN)! I have some cake for you!”

Not many are strong like you or as disciplined

But that doesn’t beat how sweet you are

Sweeter than cake!

He just can’t get enough

But he’s an experienced fighter

He knows the look of vengeful anger

Who IS IT?!

He’ll make sure they never breathe again.

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mimsynims · 6 months

Text

Fool For Love

part 6

~~~

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5

~~~

Author's Note: Sorry it took longer than usual! The first bit I wrote was shorter than I wanted, so I kept writing - and now you'll get more than usual instead haha... (Sorry not sorry about sneaking in a bit of a side ship I have, but it fit in this part and I want Karlach to have her hot blacksmith - yay HeartForge!)

Thank you for the comments! <3

Oh, and as I think I mentioned before, this will of course stray from canon but I have and will use things that actually happen in the game too (act 1/2), just FYI.

~~~

Astarion x reader/Tav

Tags: angst, pining, pining while fucking, jealousy, minor Karlach/Dammon, eventual happy ending

Summary: You thought you knew what you were doing when you let Astarion into your bed. He doesn't have feelings for you, and vice versa. Only... now you do. And you're not handling it very well, making a rash decision you will regret. Is there a way to undo it?

~~~

It’s eerily quiet when you get back to camp. Not that you expected your friends to still be awake, but the silence feels ominous.

Or perhaps it’s just your guilt making it seem that way.

You’re not sure breaking things off was the wrong decision — the jury is still out on that — but you regret how it happened. Regret being so harsh.

Regret not waiting until morning to have the conversation.

A noise coming from the direction of Gale’s tent snaps you out of your musings. Your body tenses up, readying for battle. Scanning the area, your hand drifts down towards a weapon that isn’t there. You must have dropped it sometime during… during. It aches thinking back and you can’t bring yourself to go back. Not now, anyway.

You spot a flash of purple and instantly relax. Gale must be awake still.

Perhaps the gods decided to be lenient after the night you had, giving you the opportunity to stomp out at least one fire you’ve accidentally started before it becomes an uncontrollable inferno.

“Still up, Gale?”

“Tav!” He smiles. “Yes, but I was about to tuck in for the night too.”

His eyes roam over you, but if he suspects what you and Astarion were up to after he and the others left, he doesn’t mention it.

“So, Gale…” You clear your throat. “I actually came over to apologise.”

“Apologise?” He sounds genuinely surprised. “Whatever for?”

“I think I might’ve given you the impression that I’m interested in more than friendship. And that was careless of me.” And apparently, you’re too much of a coward to admit that you used him. “I’m sorry.”

Gale takes a moment before he answers. “You were careless, yes. But I think I may have an inkling as to why.”

“Ah.” Of course he does. “For the record, the circumstances surrounding that… reason, have changed, one might say.” Because you were acting without thought, yet again. “Which doesn’t affect things between us — you and me, I mean. I value our friendship dearly, but–”

“Tav.” Gale holds up a hand to stop you. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

He sounds sincere, and searching his face, you find nothing to suggest otherwise. “Thank you. For what it’s worth, I did have a really nice time tonight.”

“Good. Me too.” A half-smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “I can’t pretend I wasn’t disappointed when you invited the others, but in retrospect, I think you did the right thing.”

“You’re a good man, Gale.” A hug seems inappropriate, so you place a hand on his arm instead. “I’m sure someone better and kinder than me is waiting somewhere out there for you.”

His smile turns wry. “And I’m sure you and your ‘reason’ can sort things out once you both stop being stubborn arses.”

It’s probably because you’re still a bit drunk and in need of sleep, but you can’t stop yourself from bursting out laughing. “I think we would need a miracle for that.” Gale isn’t wrong, both you and Astarion are often too stubborn for your own good.

You expect Gale to at least chuckle, but instead, his expression softens. “It seems a miracle we’re all still alive, so who’s to say we can’t have another?”

He sounds so serious you stop laughing just as abruptly as you started. The hurt from before resurfaces, because there’s a bigger obstacle than stubbornness in your way. “I think I would need more than one miracle to accomplish what you’re talking about, and I doubt that I’m that lucky.”

Because even if you would talk, he still doesn’t love you, and in your current miserable state, you doubt that he ever will. To your dismay, you feel tears threatening to spill. Perhaps you should’ve waited until tomorrow to talk to Gale, after all.

Gale comes closer and puts a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it, sympathy plain on his face. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

This conversation has taken a turn you don’t want to face right now — and with Gale, of all people — so you just nod.

“Thank you for your honesty, Tav. Now off to bed with you.” Taking a step back, Gale lets his hand drop, Gale. “We both need all the sleep we can get, I think.”

“We do, yes.” You turn to leave but not before giving him another smile. “Thank you, Gale.” You don’t elaborate, but you can tell that you don’t have to as he bows his head in understanding.

“Goodnight, Tav. Sleep well.”

“You too, goodnight.”

As you walk over to your tent to change before going to bed, you think you see movement in the corner of your eye, but when you turn your head to look, there’s nothing there.

“And now you’re imagining things,” you mutter to yourself. “No more alcohol for you until we’re somewhere safe.”

Whenever that may be.

The following days go by in a whirlwind of events, and even if you somehow would have plucked up the nerve to talk to Astarion, you never get the chance.

First, it was Elminster showing up to talk to Gale. You’re still not convinced it was a good idea to let him into your camp — most likely not, considering the message he was here to deliver.

You know you probably should’ve waited to let Gale have the time to process, but he insisted you press on and next thing you knew, your party was in the Shadowlands, facing goblins and driders and Harpers.

And Jaheira.

Astarion has been ignoring you as much as he can since the night, but you could sense his approval when you refused to drink the wine Jaheira offered you. Perhaps you can mend things between the two of you, in time. You desperately hope so, because a part of you already misses the chats. His embrace. The connection.

Last Light Inn turns out to be a place with many familiar faces, but after the long day you’ve all had, you decide to rest before reacquainting yourself with everyone — with one exception.

To your — and Karlach’s — delight, you find Dammon in the stables outside the inn building.

You hide a smile when Dammon lights up at the sight of the Karlach. He may be greeting all of you, but his eyes rarely leave the Tiefling, even when he talks to you and the others. It soothes your aching heart to know that things might work out for at least one of you, even if your own love life seems doomed.

Somewhere along the way, she’s become one of your best friends. She deserves nothing but happiness, and it feels like she’s one step closer when Dammon tells her that he can craft an insulating chamber for the infernal engine. It’s not a permanent solution, but it’s enough, for now, to finally allow her to touch people again.

You stand back as Karlach instals the chamber; Dammon looks at her so intently it almost feels like you’re intruding.

The chamber clicks into place.

“Go on,” Dammon says, lifting a hand. “Give us your hand.”

Circumstances aside, it’s a lovely moment, watching the two of them.

“Damn. I’m good.” Dammon laces their fingers for the briefest of moments. “And you — you’re very touchable.”

They’re both so adorable you wish you could grab the others and leave these two be. And perhaps you also wish that this could be you and a certain vampire that is currently looking everywhere but at you.

Letting go of Dammon, Karlach turns to you with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen from her yet.

“Tav! I can touch you now!”

“I’m so happy for you, Karlach! May I hug you?”

“Yes.” Her smile wavers with emotion. “Please.”

Her skin is hot against yours but it’s not unbearable, so you wrap your arms tight around her, glad to finally be able to hug your friend.

“Thank you.” She sounds close to tears. “Talk more back at camp, yeah?”

“Sure.”

“Karlach? I need to explain the bad news too.”

You can feel a hitch in her movements and when she pulls back, her smile is strained.

She listens to what Dammon has to say, but you’re not sure she fully accepts it. You decide to leave it, for now, not wanting to dim her joy more than necessary.

Back at camp, Karlach keeps touching everyone here and there — even a moody Lae’zel accepts it, albeit reluctantly — and her happiness seems to lift the spirit of the others, too.

When everything calms down for the night, you seek her out. You can feel Astarion’s eyes on you, and in a moment of bravery, you decide you’ll talk to him after you’ve spoken to Karlach.

“Karlach? May I come in?”

“Of course! You’re always welcome into my tent, Tav.” She’s ever-moving, still brimming with energy. “Everything alright?”

“I’m fine.” You decide to get right to the point. “I’m actually here to talk about you.”

“About me?”

“It was impossible not to notice the chemistry between Dammon and you today. With everything that’s happened, and considering what the future seems to hold for us… I think you should seize the moment. Go and find him. Be happy, while we still have time.”

Karlach stops to look at you, uncertain. “You think he would want that?”

“I do. He looked just as smitten as you clearly are.”

“He did, didn’t he?” Her expression turns a bit bashful. “I didn’t just imagine it?”

“No, definitely not. And we won’t be rushing out of here just yet, so if you find yourself inclined to spend the night with him…”

“Tav!”

You shrug, holding back a grin. “I’m just saying.”

“Right.” She nods to herself. “You’re right. I should go right now, shouldn’t I?”

“Yes. Go, shoo.”

She laughs. “So eager to get rid of me. Planning to seduce someone yourself, Tav? I’ve seen your looks towards a certain someone.”

You don’t bother holding back the curse as you both leave her tent. “Am I that obvious?”

“Yeaaah. But it’s fine, and I’m rooting for you.”

You look around, searching for the man in question. “Does that mean that everyone…?”

“Think so, yeah.”

“Fuck. Double fuck.” So everyone knows. And Astarion is nowhere to be found. Again. “He’s not here.”

“Wanna tag along to the Inn? Perhaps he’s there?”

You’re not sure you’ll be able to approach him if he’s there but not alone, but then again, there’s probably no use waiting in camp either. “Yes, why not?”

You tell yourself that if he’s not there, you’ll drink one beer — because gods know you need it — and then you’ll head back. It’s been a long day, and even with everything buzzing around in your mind like a swarm of hornets, you’ll probably have no trouble falling asleep the moment your head hits your bedroll.

It turns out that Karlach is right, Astarion is there. You spot him right away, sitting on a barstool, a goblet of wine in his hand. But he’s not alone. He’s sitting very, very close to someone. You can’t see their face, but the way Astarion holds himself, the way he moves his hand to touch their shoulder…

It seems he has found someone else to spend the night with.

As is his right, but the pain is more than you can handle. You won’t stop him, but it’s impossible to stay and watch it happen. The jealousy would break you. As unluck would have it, Astarion chooses that moment to glance over his shoulder, and before you have time to react, he sees you.

Leave. You have to leave. You spin around and flee through the door, almost bumping into one of the Harpers. You’re making a fool of yourself, but you’d rather have that than seeing a smug expression on Astarion’s face.

Half-running towards camp, you decide it’s time to get over yourself. Astarion clearly has moved on — and so should you.

~~~

#astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fic #bg3 astarion #bg3 spoilers #bg3 tav #fic wip

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carnal-lnstinct · 3 months

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Pairing: Work Husband!Nanami x Sorcerer!Reader Content: Post- Yuji's resurrection. coworkers / work friends, flirting, mutual attraction, subtle pining!Nanami struggling to keep your professional relationship intact, mommy and daddy talking about their new son. written in a single sitting so not proofread A/N: This is for you bacon! ( @actuallysaiyan ) Still can't wait to see what you do with it! ♥♥ This is my first time writing Nanami so he's sorta stiff here but he would definitely pass the orange peel test

The empty common area was illuminated by the sunset coming in, the glow reflected in your eyes while you watched the scenery outside the windows. You were trying to let your thoughts settle from what was going through your mind at the moment, unsure whether to feel concerned about the situation at hand or simply play along. It’s not like you would question Nanami’s judgment as he was always careful (and often right) about his decisions. The man was sitting in the chair with his back against the windows, slightly hunched over with his fingers rotating a small orange.

“I don’t know how to feel about this one.” You admitted, then paused lowering your eye from the windows. “Not saying I don’t feel safe or anything, but that was a pretty impulsive move on Gojo’s part. Is he trying to piss the higher-ups off more? What is he really banking on here?” A genuine question directed towards Nanami whose eyes didn’t leave the orange. There’s a focus while his thumbnail penetrates the surface of the peel and spirals the fruit's skin.

His head does lift slightly at the notes of concern in your tone. “I don’t pretend to understand the way his mind works. You think it’s the right thing to just have him executed?”

“I...really don't know. It's better than being possessed by the worst curse there is, isn't it?" You frown, lifting your head with a heavy sigh. "In a twisted way, they got what they wanted. Sukuna’s vessel was killed in action so there’s nothing much to say on that. Another unfortunate soul caught up in this brutal world…”

“...Yuji Itadori.” Nanami’s tone was soft, but firm. Correcting you, a brief pause in peeling the orange before he continued. The weight in his voice makes you turn your head toward him before walking up behind the couch, leaning your arms against the back of it as you looked down at his orange peeling.

“I know.” You're silent for a moment. The fate of Ryomen Sukuna was in the hands of some kid who was barely out of the basics of wielding cursed energy, there was no denying the horror show that is or what someone could live with dealing with being thrust into this environment. But Nanami is right to humanize the vessel. He was his own person outside of the Jujutsu world before he merged with the King of Curses. Then a smile grew in your features as you moved to lighten up the conversation.

“You met him, haven’t you? What’s Itadori like, being back from the dead and all?”

“He took it well, more resilient than what’s expected of a kid his age-” Nanami’s voice was caught in his throat when your hands came down his shoulders and the weight of your chin pushed against the back of his head. There’s an added warmth against his nape, your breasts brushing against him. He can feel it's your skin too, spilling from the low collar of your top. No doubt they were flushed and propped against the top of the chair where any movement of his head would touch them. He cleared his throat, attempting to hold his composure. “He can also be rash, boisterous-”

“You say that about everyone.” You interrupt with a roll of your eyes.

The perfect spiral of the orange's skin is held up, masterfully removed from the orange with no bits of it left behind. “And…noble. He wants to save as many people as he can, even if it kills him again.” Nanami continues as he wraps the peel in a napkin to be thrown away, your eyes following his hands as you listen and his returned soft tone signals your intuition, widening your smile. You lean further and lift your head to look over his shoulder toward his face, your fingers playfully flapping his suit lapels.

“You like him. When do I get to meet our new son?” Your playful tone was immediately rejected by Nanami.

“No-”

“'No', I can’t meet him or…?” Your teasing persists.

“As far as you know, Yuji Itadori is dead. So there is no one for you to meet. Take it up with Gojo.”

"But you're the one he trusted with him." You whined. His head tilts toward you with a blank stare. There was a twitch in his eyebrow that spoke volumes to you in your tenure of being his friend and self-declared work wifey. You nod your head, honoring the trust of keeping Yuji's fate a secret but you simply had to know the person able to get on Nanami's soft side. You're practically kindred spirits at that point! “I know, I know. I just wanna know if he has your eyes and my good looks.” You finally got a heavy sigh out of him as he adjusted his tie and peeled one of your arms from his chest. That warmed your smile.

“Behave yourself for once. This is still considered office hours.” Nanami insisted more firmly, to which you shrugged and pulled your arms back as you stood up. You come around the chair.

“Yes, husband. Whatever daddy wants.” You snicker as you plop down beside him and he does well to not react to your more blatant flirting. He can't help but internally grieve that the area around his neck is much cooler now, however. "Thank you for peeling that for me, by the way. I love how you get it done in one go."

Nanami hums with a gentle grin and hands it to you, and you notice the orange is already split in half allowing you to easily pull each slice apart to eat. He wipes his hands with the napkin and further relaxes his back against the chair, crossing one of his legs over the other.

You lean closer briefly to put one half of the orange into his lap, offering it to share, then without thinking patted the top of his thigh as another gesture of thanks. The warmth of your hand where it should not be was brief but powerful. It felt like he watched your fingers slip from his leg in slow motion, feeding your touch up his leg when he realized what you had innocently done. You were one bite into one of your slices and busy removing a seed from your mouth when Nanami swiftly stood up and paced toward the door.

"E-Excuse me for a moment." He uttered hastily and tensely before stepping out of the area, leaving you mildly confused at his hurry.

#My writing #nanami x reader #nanami kento x reader #nanami imagine

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teyamsatan · 1 year

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Cruel Summer | Chapter III: Clean

Pairings: Neteyam x (f)Human!Reader

Word Count: 6.6k words

Warnings/notes: angst, allusions to/mentions of smut, friends-with-benefits, mutual pining, some Spider x Reader, 18+ minors DNI

Synopsis: You and Neteyam learn to navigate life without the other.

A/N: Hey besties, I’m sorry that this took so long, but I’ve honestly been struggling a little on this website, and it’s taken quite the toll on me. It’s been a weird week(?), in which although I’ve never received more followers and more notes etc., I’ve also never felt more alone, and more disconnected from the platform and the people in it. I think you will be able to tell in the chapter as well. When I was posting the Cardigan series, although I had a lot less followers, I felt like people genuinely enjoyed/connected to the story, and I just don’t really feel that way anymore, and I think I’m still learning to deal with it. Anyway, personal issues aside, I really hope you enjoy this chapter! I think it’s only going to be another couple chapters in this story. I might however make an alternate ending to it? I’ve also had some inspiration for Midnight Rain Part II, and thank you so much for being patient with me with that story, it took me a while to understand what I wanted to do with it, as I wasn’t planning on it having a second part initially. Ramble over, I promise.

enjoy besties ily xoxo

: ̗̀➛ listen to Clean here : ̗̀➛ masterlist (x) : ̗̀➛ series masterlist (x)

The drought was the very worst

When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

It was months and months of back and forth

You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore

“Come on… open the door, please?”

Lo’ak’s voice was pleading and saddened, and so were Kiri’s soft sobs, but you pretended you couldn’t hear them, not their tone nor their words, because hearing them meant acknowledging it and you couldn’t. You couldn’t acknowledge them, or the previous few that tried. Not Jake, not Norm, not Neteyam. Definitely not Neteyam. You couldn’t open that door, because if you did, you would crumble at their feet, you would beg and scream and thrash, and you didn’t want to do any of those things. The anger you felt for all of them, each and every one of them was strong enough to drown any other emotion, any emotion other than overwhelming hurt and anguish that was threatening to tear you apart with each passing moment that these people were standing outside your door, every moment that passed in which they were still leaving, still leaving you behind, leaving you alone.

You were all alone. No matter how many years you have spent by their side, no matter how much Jake promised you were as much their kid as the rest of them, no matter how many hours and days and months and years you have spent stuck to Neteyam like glue, it was all in vain. It was all fake. You would never be a part of their family. All these years, you were just a family pet, that they would pass on to the next owners when the situation called for it. This thought was fuel enough for a new set of wailed cries that you tried to muffle with a hand over your mouth. It took a while, but eventually, they left you to your own devices, left you to deal with the mess they made, a mess you’ll never forgive them for. Never forgive him for.

At the dawn of a new day, the dreaded day, a new knock, more timid and timed bellowed, and the sound rang painfully in your ears.

“Kid… they’re leaving. They really want to say goodbye to you… they all do. Tuk is crying, she’s saying you’re mad at her. Just… just please come out, honey, ok?”

Tuk…

“Tuk can come in. But that’s it.” You hoped Norm couldn’t make out how hoarse and broken your voice sounded, and hope he couldn’t tell that you cried so much in one night that you blacked out from dehydration, only to be woken up by his announcement.Sure enough, a few minutes later, Tuk came in through the door you just unlocked. You tried to wash your face and look a little more presentable, but as you took one swift look in the mirror, you knew it was pointless. You just prayed Tuk wouldn’t notice.

“Come in, baby.” She ran into your arms and fastened her arms around your neck, and you were always shocked at how she was just as tall as you, and somehow even stronger.

“Sister! I thought I wouldn’t get the chance to say goodbye.” She was crying, you realised, as her hot tears spilled down your back, getting absorbed in your cotton top.

“Of course you would, baby. I am so sorry. I’m so sad that you’re going, so I needed some time, but I would never let you leave without telling you how much I’ll miss you, and that I love you so, so much. You’re the best little sister anyone could have ever asked for.” Her high-pitched cries tugged at your heart painfully, but you knew you had to be strong for her. She didn’t deserve any of it, any pain or hurt, anything other than pure bliss.

“I love you, too! I want you to come with. Why can’t you come with?”

You tried to ignore the way your entire body felt like it was being put through the meat grinder, and just focused on her, on her tears and her soft little hair that you caressed gently, and the way her head fit so well in the crook of your neck.

“Because I’m human, baby. And where you are going, they wouldn’t like me. I wouldn’t fit in. But baby, look at me.” You brushed the unruly braids out of her face and her tears from her cheeks, giving her the biggest smile you could muster. “This isn’t goodbye forever. I will see you again soon, and I can’t wait to hear all the adventures you’ve had and all the memories you’ve made. I’m so proud of you, you know? One day, you’ll outgrow me, and I’ll get to watch you be the most amazing warrior ever, just like your mummy is. And I’ll still be your biggest cheerleader, and I’ll watch from the bleachers, like in the movies, do you remember?”

She nods half-heartedly, but her face lights up a little, and you think the worst is over.

“Come, I’m sure everyone’s waiting. I will miss you, sweet girl. Be safe.”

You kissed her forehead and both of her cheeks, and with one last hug, she left.

They left. He left.

Hung my head as I lost the war

And the sky turned black like a perfect storm

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

“How does it feel?” Neteyam watched as you eyed his queue, that was leisurely hung over his shoulder, a glimmer of curiosity in your eyes. He’s noticed you doing that for a while now, and when you were kids, he’s let you touch it once or twice, but it’s been years now, and the situation was no longer applicable. You were no longer just a friend, not quite a mate, somewhere in between, something undefined and awkward, something you didn’t talk about unless absolutely necessary.

“How does what feel, Vol?”

“The Tsaheylu. Connecting to another animal, another Na’vi. How does it feel?”

“I thought you knew about from all your little books.” You rolled your eyes and huffed annoyedly.

“Yes, I do. I know the theory. I know you use it to connect to other beings, to Eywa, I know you can feel each other’s emotions. I know all of that. But how does it feel?”

Neteyam thought about it for a long time. How was he supposed to describe something that was so natural and so quintessential to his life, to his existence, to someone who would never be able to experience for themselves?

“Do you know how sometimes we look at each other and we kind of just have a whole conversation just with one look? Because we know each other so well now, that words are not really necessary? Vol… I know everything you think, and everything you feel. I know you so deep in my soul, it’s hard to separate my own feelings from yours, my own thoughts. You’ve become so essential to my being, it’s like you are a constant part of me.”

He suddenly felt very vulnerable and exposed at the confession, and felt like he overshared something that may have been better left unsaid.

“I mean, I-“

“I know what you mean.”

You sighed and got closer to him, and you moved until you were in his lap, in your own little bubble of safety and comfort. It was your favourite place in the world, you once told him.

“I know what you mean too well. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell where I stop and you start.”

He felt relieved at your words, relieved to know you understood and felt the same. That you got him.

“Well, there you go. That’s kinda how it feels like.”

“But, how does it feel like? When you mate with someone, does it amplify the sensations, does it… make it better? Make it so you never want someone else ever again?”

The saddened, desolate tone of your voice told Neteyam that you were moving into uncharted territory, that this conversation was taking a turn neither of you were ready or skilled enough to navigate safely. He didn’t know what was the right way to answer something like that. Because the truth was that yes, from his understanding, it did make it better. It made it more intense, more special, it made it everything. There was a reason Na’vi had sex with however many people they wanted, but only bonded with one. It was the bond that separated a sexual experience from a mating experience, from something you would only ever wanted to experience with just one special someone. But he couldn’t say that to you. Not when you didn’t have this ability and never will, not when he knew how much you wanted it, not when there was nothing neither of you could do about it. So he considered a different approach.

“Do you want to touch it?”

Neteyam’s never allowed anyone near his queue before. No Na’vi would. The kuru was for themselves, for their mates and for their mothers as infants. It was the most sensitive and intimate part of them, and so naturally, Neteyam was a little uneasy and nervous. But he trusted you. He loved you. He was in love with you, and would have given anything to mate with you, but maybe this will be enough.

He laughed softly at the way your eyes widened in shock. You understood the implication of what he was asking you, and that scared you both. But still, almost bashfully, you nodded, a soft warm loving smile taking over your features. You softly reached for it and brushed your hands over the length that was draped over his shoulder, a touch so soft, so minuscule that it was barely there, but Neteyam’s whole body shuddered, goosebumps instantly appearing throughout his whole body. You quickly removed your hand, and looked guilty as you spoke.

“I’m sorry. This was probably a bad ide-“

“Hey, stop.”

Neteyam couldn’t help his fingers as they reached out and stroked you face and jaw, making their way down your throat and collarbone. He smirked a little when you shivered under his touch.

“See? Did that feel bad?”

You smiled and shook your head gently.

“It doesn’t feel bad. It’s just… new. But I want you to do it, Vol. I want you to do it.”

A little unnerved, you resumed your inspection of his braid, grabbing at as gently as you could and bringing it up to eye level.

“The hair here is softer.” You mused, almost to yourself. “I love that.”

Slowly, you moved downstream, until eventually, you reached its end, and gasped slowly as the pink tendrils came into view, moving a lot more erratically and enthusiastically than they normally did.

“Why are they doing that?”

“Because of you, Vol.” he said through panted breaths. He was experiencing a range and intensity of emotions he never had before, never in his life. The things you were doing to him, that only you ever did to him, the feelings you evoked in his mind and body, were now intensified a thousand fold, and he was crumbling under their weight.

“It’s doing that because my body feels you. Feels what you’re doing, knows who you are.” He hesitated before speaking, but he needed to get it out, he had to get it out. “It’s doing that because it knows I’m close to someone it… it wants to mate with.”

You removed your hand from him almost like his queue burned you. Your face contorted in a frown and you were struggling to push tears back in your eyes.

“Oh. Well, unfortunately, that’s never going to be able to happen, so…” You removed yourself from his lap and started turning your back to him, but he caught you and held you in place. You were almost face to face like this, which Neteyam was happy about. He had to look into your eyes to get his point across. He had to look into your eyes to get the courage needed to say this.

“Ma Vol, it doesn’t matter.” You scoffed, and the small movement of your head spilled unwanted tears, that you quickly brushed away with your thumb.

“Hey, look at me. Please?” You did so hesitantly. His thumb was caressing your face, your jaw and lips.

“It doesn’t matter. Do you not understand, Vol?” He moved his hand to rest on your chest, above your heart. “I can feel you. I can feel everything you feel. I can feel feel it like I’m going through it. When you’re sad, I’m sad. When you’re happy or shy, or anxious or scared, when you are annoyed or excited, I feel it all. You see? It doesn’t matter.”

“Don’t you get it? It never mattered. Not with you.” A small moan escaped you at his words, that he knew you needed to hear, and he needed to speak out loud. He didn’t know what would happen, didn’t know if he should have, but as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him, harsh and needy, he couldn’t find it in him to care.

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

There was nothing left to do

When the butterflies turned to dust that covered my whole room

So I punched a hole in the roof

Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you

Neteyam woke up with a mean headache, and he felt almost hungover. He always did these days, pain seeping through every dimension of his life, of his body and mind. The dreams were unrelenting, and they stung each night, so many memories, so many moments he wished he could go back to, that he wished he could relive… that he wish he could forget. It’s been weeks, yet your final interaction still haunts him. How could it not? He didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. Nineteen years of friendship, of being each other’s safety net were swiftly thrown out the window in a split second, and Neteyam found it difficult to cope with the gap you and your presence left behind. There was so much that had to change for him, it felt like every day was a new life he never asked for and didn’t want, but was forced to live through regardless. A strange purgatory, one with warm breezes and crystal clear water and golden sandy beaches. Probably not the worst of purgatories, if Neteyam was honest with himself, but even Heaven could easily feel like Hell under the right circumstances.

“Ok kids, remember, no getting into trouble. Go meet Tsireya and Aonung and train. Pull your weight. Neteyam, once you’ve mastered the ilu, Tonowari said you can start learning how to tame the tsurak. Now let’s go show the Metkayina how the Omatikaya do things, alright, kids?”

“Yes, sir.”

Neteyam walked alongside his siblings to the meeting place they’ve been training every day for the past couple of weeks. As it turns out, the Metkayina can hold their breath underwater for up to 15 minutes, their bodies physically adapted to allow them to, and well… the Sullys couldn’t. So there was a lot of breathing training, on top of swimming lessons and ilu riding practice. Neteyam was frustrated to have to start anew, frustrated that he couldn’t fly every day, the way he has grown accustomed to for the past 6 years since completing his Iknimaya, frustrated that he went from being the future Olo’eyktan to a novice, to a nobody.

Despite everything, he tried. That was in his nature. He would always try, he would always give his best, and he would always make the best out of a bad situation, because that’s who he was. That’s who he had to be. The move left him broken and unmoored, with no purpose and no home, but Neteyam would still keep going, because his family depended on him, and that knowledge alone was enough to keep him afloat just a little while longer.

Neteyam couldn’t help be jealous of his little brother, who not only adapted, but he did so almost instantly. The new place felt immediately like home to the boy who has always felt alone and misunderstood, like a pariah and an outcast. It was the same here, yet somehow, the presence of the Olo’eyktan’s only daughter seem to lessen the blow and make him want to try harder than he ever has before. His breathing technique was better than all of theirs, except Kiri's, most likely due to the extra lessons he was getting every day from Tsireya. Neteyam was proud of Lo’ak, he really was. But he couldn’t shake the feeling of annoyance that once more, whilst Neteyam was plagued with insurmountable challenges and continuous sacrifices, Lo’ak once more got everything he’s wanted handed to him on a silver platter. He just wishes sometimes life could work out in his favour the same way, at least once. At least in one aspect. The one aspect.

The days were long and tedious, but every day something happened that he wished he could tell you about, that he wished you could experience. You loved water. He could just about imagine your face, your thoughts, your every expression, every sound you would make, every undulation of your voice. He could imagine taking you to the mangrove forest and finding a spot just for the two of you, your screams of pleasure drowned by the greenery and the sounds of exotic birds. He could see you taking your mask off despite his complaints, and kissing him, deeply and passionately, smiling as his tongue explored your body, as your hands explored his.

He missed you. He wondered if you missed him too, or if the hatred that probably fuelled your days prevented you from doing so.

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

“I’ve missed you.”

You were a mess of tangled limbs on your bed, Neteyam’s warmth enveloping you like a cozy blanket, much more so than the one currently covering you both. His voice was thick and laced with languor, and so sweet, it was making your eyes flutter closed in bliss and soothing relaxation.

“I’ve missed you, too, Teyam.”

Neteyam’s large hand cupped your face, lifting it gently so he could meet your eyes, smiling softly as he did.

“Ma Vol… are you happy?”

Neteyam’s loaded question took you by surprise, and woke you from your near-sleep. You thought about it for a while, pondering the weight of the word. Happy. Were you happy? Happiness was such a strange, abstract concept to you. On one hand, yes, you were. So, so happy. In this moment, you were happy. In every moment you were in his arms, every moment he laughed at your silly jokes, or watched you intently as you spoke about your day, in every moment he was just who he was, your best friend, your confidant, your boyfriend and mate for all intents and purposes, except the one that mattered most. And there was the flip side, the ugly monster, that was ever-present and following you everywhere you went, marring even the most serene, the most beautiful, the happiest memories. The truth. The truth was the antithesis of happiness. Because the truth told you that one day, Neteyam would up and leave you, and when he did, your life as you have come to know it for 19 years will change. Because let’s be honest. Not only will you lose him as a lover, as an unofficial boyfriend, but you knew you would lose him as a friend. You knew that whoever it was that would be his mate would not approve of your friendship, and that, in time, even that will dwindle and fall apart, leaving you completely on your own.

Still, all of that was far away in the future in your mind, and telling Neteyam any of it meant admitting feelings you shouldn’t be harbouring to begin with, so you settled for a white lie. A harmless lie. A necessary lie.

“I am, Teyam.”

“Are you?”

“Right now, I am.”

“Good. Because so I am. I know it’s strange. I hate this place, you know. So many horrible things have come out of it, so much hurt and pain and death, but somehow, being here with you… this room, this bed. Somehow it feels like home. And I think it’s you. I think you’re my home.”

You tightened your grip on his body and didn’t say anything as you allowed yourself the respite of his words, and the hope of tomorrow.

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

You woke up in pain, and crying, as you did most nights these days. You were slowly losing hope the nightmares would ever stop, that his face would ever be erased from your mind, both conscious and unconscious, tugging at every strand of sanity you had left, any shred of self-preservation still keeping you going. It’s been long enough that you thought the pain should have subsided by now. Long enough that maybe, just maybe, the world wouldn’t be as dark and gloomy anymore, that maybe while not the whole sun, but at least one ray of it could penetrate the ice that wrapped around your heart, slowly thawing it. But your world was still dark and filled with dim shadows and water that was slowly filling every chamber of your heart and lungs, slowly drowning you.

You got out of bed with a sigh and turned on the shower, water so hot it felt almost scalding on your skin, the only way you showered these days, the only way it was bearable, the only way. Because this way, in your mind, little by little, every inch of skin on your body he ever touched was slowly melting away, and in time, all the cells that died would be replaced with new ones, and in time, your body will be rid of his imprint and then, maybe then, you could finally be free.

You made your way to the dining area, determined to be a productive member of society at least to some extent today, determined to not spend yet another day in bed, replaying the same 10 songs that only made you sadder, or the same show that you have seen so many times you have memorised by heart. Most of the humans and Avatars were there, enjoying some breakfast prior to a long day ahead. There was yet another attacked planned today. Tarsem was a good leader. Strong and capable, unrelenting in his quest to impede as many of the human developments as he possibly could. He was not deterred by the Recoms and he had faith in Eywa’s ability and desire to protect her world and her people, and so far, he has been right. Even with Avatars, they have not been able to find the new Omatikaya base of operations, and you have even found some of them dead in the woods, mostly likely as a result of an attack by all the ikran that lived in the mountains.

“Morning, honey.” Max sent a wide smile your way, that you tried your best to reciprocate.

“Coffee?” The words were music to your ears. You’ve only tasted coffee a couple of times when you were young, before the provisions depleted, but now, with all the trains and helicopters that the Na’vi and Avatars managed to take down, the stronghold had plenty to spare once more.

“Yes, please.” Norm poured you the magic liquid and took a sip of it himself, sighing happily to himself.

“You know, it really does suck that the humans came back, but my God, this is definitely a silver lining.”

You chuckled a little.

“I doubt the Na’vi will see it that way, Norm.”

“No, but outside of coffee and burgers and all the other human things we’ve missed, Tarsem is incredible, kid! We have so many lab supplies, reagents and equipment that we are still trying to unpack, categorise and put together. It’s incredible all the stuff they brought with them. It’s almost like all the stuff we used to do on Earth, they’re trying to bring here. Who knows what we could do with all of it?”

“After breakfast, I can help you with it. This way we can go through it faster and figure it out?”

“That’d be great, kid.”

“Where’s Spider?”

“He’s training with the Olo’eyktan and his men. You know? Tarsem loves him!” Norm laughs heartily. You raise an eyebrow.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, kid! Turns out 19 years of training with Neteyam and Lo’ak under Jake’s supervision really did make him quite the fighter. Now, he’s obviously never going to be able to take the Iknimaya or be one of the people, but Tarsem sees a true warrior in him. Can you believe that?”

You couldn’t really, but you also couldn’t help the swell of pride that overtook you. It was nice to know there was some hope for the humans in the clan after all.

“Why don’t you go with him? You’ve also trained with the kids growing up. I know you split your time between that and being in the lab, but kid, it’s worth a shot. There’s a whole life out there waiting for you, and this way, you get to feel more integrated with the village. This is what you’ve wanted all your life, isn’t it?”

Yeah, you thought bitterly. A different life.

Despite everything, you took Norm’s advice, and spent your time training with Spider and the Na’vi warriors, deepening your understanding of guns, practicing bow and arrows and even learning hand to hand combat from the human Avatars. In the spare time, you helped in the lab, doing experiments and organising all the overwhelming amounts of new things you were receiving from all the raids. It was a good distraction, and it kept you busy sun up til sun down, each day, every day.

You and Spider got closer by the day, even closer somehow than you used to be. You cleaned his wounds and he helped clean yours, although he didn’t know much about how to do it, but in time, you taught him and you enjoyed the feeling of another person helping you, another person healing you. You almost felt the edges of the gaping hole in your chest start to close when you spent your days together.

But no amount of distraction could really keep the nightmares away when they wanted to come and haunt you in the night.

Ten months sober, I must admit

Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it

You woke up panting, crying and tugging at your night gown in an effort to make the pain stop, the gaping hole in your heart that hurt still as badly as that first day, that never seemed to get any smaller, that refused to heal. You barely registered the door to your bedroom sliding open with a soft whoosh, but jumped when you noticed a dark figure approaching you slowly.

“Spider, you scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry. I just heard you scream, I was worried about you.”

You looked at Spider, your eyes adjusted to the dark enough to make out his beautiful face and his dreads that were getting longer by the day. He needs a haircut, you decided mindlessly. You had to admit his presence was soothing to you, his presence in this room that only Neteyam truly ever came in, that only Neteyam ever slept in, that only Neteyam knew as well and intimately as you did. But Neteyam wasn’t here. Neteyam would never be here again. You winced at the sharp burst of pain that shot through you at the thought.

“I’m alright. Thanks for asking. Just had a nightmare.”

Spider sighed, picking at something on his arm.

“Yeah. I get those too.”

You barely stopped to consider what Spider must be going through, too self-involved in your own heartbreak to recognise his own, one that was probably closer to yours that you could have ever thought. You lost Neteyam, but Spider lost Kiri. You both lost a Sully, both lost a love you cared for deeply, more than anyone could ever understand except the other.

“Ok, well, sleep well. Let me know if you need anything.”

You saw Spider turn around and make his way towards the exit, and you could’t help the voice that came out uninvited.

“Can you… stay? Please? I don’t want to be alone.”

Spider stopped in his tracks, still turned away from you, and you watched as the atmosphere of the room shifted, as the silence became thicker than it had been a few moments ago.

“Yeah… yeah, I can stay.” He slowly walked towards your desk chair that had a few clothes thrown carelessly on it, that he removed and put on your desk instead. He sat down, playing with the height and back support controls.

“Goodnight, gorgeous.”

You laughed quietly.

“Spider, I meant stay with me.” You shuffled on one edge of your bed and patted the other side. You watched his eyes go wide and mouth agape, as he stared at you in shock.

“You don’t have to, if you’re uncomfortable with it.”

He shook his head and lowered his eyes to the ground. “No, it’s not that, it’s just…”

“Spider, it’s ok. Forget I asked, ok?”

“Oh, shut up. I want to, ok? I just needed a second to adjust. Jeez.”

In true Spider fashion, he stomped over to the bed and got under the covers, and slowly turned around to face you. This was a strange feeling to adjust to for sure. You’ve never had a normal sized person in this bed before. You’ve never had anyone else in here before except Neteyam. Spider looked tiny by comparison, even though the young man was almost a whole head taller than you. Your synchronised breaths were the only thing filling up the tense, awkward silence.

“This is a little weird.”

You couldn’t help chuckle. Well, at least one of you acknowledged it.

“A little.” You admitted. “But I’m glad you’re here, Spider.” He gave you a boyish, crooked smile, one that you’ve grown up seeing develop, just like the rest of him had. You never really paid attention to Spider before. To you, he was just your weird, Tarzan-impersonator, lanky and smelly friend, someone that was just always there. After Neteyam, you never really paid attention to anyone, especially of the opposite sex. Why would you? Any second spent on such affairs was a second wasted, in your mind. But now, Neteyam was gone. Neteyam would move on, and he’d find a mate, whether in the Metkayina or back here, if he ever return. It was time for you to pay attention, it seemed. And you did.

Spider grew up into a beautiful man. He was tall and strong, a testimony to the entire life dedicated to living as close to a Na’vi as he possibly could in this body, that was pure muscle. He was completely naked barring a pair of boxers, and even in the cover of darkness, you couldn’t help trace his biceps and pecs, his pronounced collarbones, and settle you gaze on his face, still kind and innocent, still the same kid you’ve known your whole life.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you smiled a little, almost bashful that he caught you, not that you were in any way subtle about it.

“You’re beautiful, you know? I think I’ve always been caught up in my own bullshit to really notice, and I’m sorry for that.” He rolled his eyes, but the blush in his cheeks was so intense it was noticeable even in the dim light coming from the bioluminescent glow of the nature right outside your window.

“You mean caught up in Neteyam.”

It was your turns to blush, hard enough that your cheeks felt like they caught fire. He laughs at you.

“It’s ok. You’re not the only one who knows what it’s like to love someone you can never have, and also not the only one who did things Neytiri would kill you for if she ever found out.” He opened up his arms.

“Come here.”

You hesitated for a second, but couldn’t help the sudden need to be held again, to allow yourself the chance of some sort of connection, some sort of lull in a sea of storms and heartache. Once in his arms, you were once again painfully aware of the difference between him and the man you’ve come to know by heart, the man that still held every part of you hostage, trapped in his hold.

“I know you’ve had a really tough time, and I know that you’re angry, and that most of all, you’re sad that it’s over. I am, too. But the rest of us are still here, you know? The rest of the world is still here. And I think maybe it’s time you give it a chance. Who knows what will happen?”

“How can you be so ok with it? They left us. They abandoned us.” His hand was calloused, but warm and gentle and it caressed up and down your back, and the touch, so familiar and yet so different, brought tears in your eyes as you found yourself wishing once more other hands, bigger and bluer, could do it instead.

“They had no choice. You really think any of them would abandon their home, their family, the forest… any of it, if they could help it?”

You were surprised at Spider’s words and way of thinking, so much more nuanced and level-headed than yours. You knew he was right. You knew it in your head that you shouldn’t blame any of them, shouldn’t blame him, that this was probably even harder for them that it would ever be for you, and yet still, your head and your heart rarely ever got along or saw eye to eye. Your heart was aching, shooting its poisoned blood all throughout your body with every heartbeat, trickling onto every cell, every ounce of you it could get to, making a mess out of you, leaving you reeling and broken, full of hatred and resentment.

“Don’t you… miss her?” He sighed, and stilled his hand movement on the nape of your neck. “I do. I miss them all. But this is a chance to prove myself, to live and show people that I am more than the Sullys’ little pet. And I will take this opportunity and give it everything I got. I suggest you do the same.”

“You should sleep. I’m gonna kick your ass in practice tomorrow otherwise.”

And so you did. And for the first time in months, you had a peaceful night.

Ten months older, I won't give in

Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it

The peace didn’t last, as it never seemed to, as Norm burst in the lab one day when you were doing some experiments.

“Kid. I just heard from Jake.”

The mention of Jake’s name stilled you in your tracks. The name and the names associated with it could always do that, will always do that, even though it’s been months. You knew Jake would never risk their cover to get in touch, so whatever the reason for this was, it was serious. You felt a lump in your throat, restricting your airways, making the breaths you took shallow and uneven.

“What’s the matter?”

”It’s Kiri. Something happened to her underwater. She’s unconscious. Jake asked us to come right away.”

Kiri… your sister in all the ways that mattered, you loved this girl with all your heart. The thought of anything bad happening to her was unthinkable to you. Another thought crept unwelcome in your mind, increasing the lump now completely obstructing your breath, that got stuck in your airways. Spider…

Trying to calm your thoughts, you spoke, and the voice scratched your throat painfully on its way out.

“Did you t-… did you tell him?”

“He’s out in the forest. There is no time. Me and Max are going now. Kid… I think you should come with.”

Eyebrows raised and mouth agape, you struggled to gather your thoughts enough to speak, only soft mumbles coming out instead.

“W-wh-“

“Because I think there’s a lot left unsaid. I know you’re angry, and you have a right to be, far be it from me to tell you how to feel, but…” he sighed, and you could tell he felt uneasy speaking to you about this. “Spider got some closure. You didn’t. Take it from an old man, life’s too short to not have some peace of mind. Kiri’s unwell, and if something happens to her, you will regret for the rest of your life not having said a proper goodbye when they left, when they wanted to.”

“I know it’s not what you want to hear, but they did think they were protecting you by leaving. You know they love you, kid. You’re their sister, their best friend. You’re as good as Jake’s daughter. They wouldn’t have left if they ever thought they had a choice.”

“Look, you don’t have to come. I just want what’s best for you, and I think isolating yourself the way you’ve been doing for months isn’t what’s best for you. Just come. Help us save Kiri, say your peace to the Sully family and then maybe you can move on, honey. And who knows… maybe you and Spider…”

You refused to think about his last sentence and focused on how your mind was short-circuiting at his other words, at his desire for you to join, at the thought of seeing them again. Of seeing him again. Your heart was beating so hard it felt like it was trying to escape your ribcage, and you ran your hand up and down your arms in order to remove the sweat that was gathering on your skin. You knew you probably shouldn’t, you knew that you were better off never seeing them again and forgetting the way his touch and his presence and his voice still had the power to make your knees buckle under the weight of what he meant to you, of the calamitous love you will always feel for him, but another thought, more pressing and urgent, more demanding, made you speak before your mind could intervene.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

The drought was the very worst

When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

Taglist: @liluvtojineteyam @pinkpantheris @netemoon @fanboyluvr@bananafruityawne @liluvtojineteyam @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @netemoon @www-interludeshadow-com

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mikanotes · 2 months

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goodbyes are sour

connor x gn!reader — 2.1k words

genre: angst sorta! mutual pining in denial

warnings: mentions of guns and killing, kabedon for the sake of science, connor unreliable narrator LOL u have feelings android man… maybe ooc idk. (wrote this w the idea of connor being deviant since the beginning bcs Yeah!)

synopsis: You meet Connor again. Turns out things are much more complicated when you aren’t working together.

author’s note: hi dbh fic?! i Love connor nd i’ve been writing this for a while (crazy since it’s rly short) but i don’t like it much… anyways whoevers alive in the dbh fandom have this!

“Detective.”

There’s just something about the way Connor speaks. The cadence, the pitch, the enunciation of each word. It’s painfully evident that he isn’t human. Everything about him is so machine-like that even his perfect, human-like exterior could not fool anyone. However it is something you got used to. Hearing the android speak your name and call you ‘Detective’ back a while ago felt somewhat unsettling. Now it’s so easy to recognize that it almost makes you feel at ease.

“Do you seriously think I’m an android? I don’t wanna deal with those fucking machines, either. I’d be glad if you put a bullet through them rather than me.”

Turns out hearing him fake being a human is ten times more terrifying than his android speech patterns could ever hope to be.

This was not part of the plan.

You were sent with a unit to patrol around the streets for any android who still hadn’t been brought back or destroyed. You weren’t a fan of this whole assignment, but felt better than the rookies who were sent out to shoot humanoid robots as their first field mission probably did.

It would be fine, is what you told yourself, because you didn’t feel anything towards Cyberlife’s creations enough to be completely uncomfortable with the idea of their blue blood on your hands, though it wasn’t ideal. You could manage. Until the first person you came across happened to be the one android you genuinely cared about.

“I don’t think he’s one of them…” one of your fellow officers murmurs next to you. You suddenly become very aware of the gun he, too, is holding and pointing towards the target. Fuck. As if the situation wasn’t bad enough.

At least this idiot’s performance seems to be fooling them.

You wait one second, then sigh on the second, and finally lower your gun on the third. “You shouldn’t be here.” you say casually, prompting your colleagues to relax and the atmosphere to lighten a little. Your heart is in your throat, however. “We’ve got orders to round up every android we see around here. You should go home. This isn’t exactly safe.”

“I know, I know.” he sighs, rolling his eyes a little, “I was gonna leave anyways, thanks.”

Your coworkers mumble to themselves about how disagreeable this guy’s attitude is and it’s enough for them to miss the wink the latter sends your way as he leaves. You almost regret not shooting a bullet through his head.

Still, you sigh in relief, setting your gun back at your side and running a hand over your face. You don’t think you can continue patrolling in peace. There’s one too many questions in your mind and the key to answering them is escaping from your grasp.

You take the phone in your pocket and pretend to get a call, moving it to your ear and looking at the members of your team. “I’ll join up with you later.” you say, gesturing towards your phone. They nod and walk away, and you do the same, feeling more relieved than ever that these people see you as a leader of sorts. They won’t question you on anything. You hurry towards the direction your so-called partner left to the moment they’re out of sight.

A rooftop door, stairs, and more stairs. You’re jogging down like you’re chasing a criminal on the run. You’re down to the fifth floor out of eight when someone grabs your arm and pulls you out a door.

“Wha—” you try to yell, but a cold hand settle over your mouth. Your body relaxes but your expression tenses. Connor. “Let me go,” you mumble incoherently, surprisingly succeeding in getting him to let you step away.

You sigh and shake your head, turning around abruptly. His ‘human costume’ (which really just was a grey suit jacket thrown over what should’ve been his Cyberlife uniform, glasses, and a cap to hide his LED) is already gone, replaced by his usual attire, just missing his jacket.

“What the hell was that about?” you ask, annoyed, pointing towards the staircase (back there, on the roof) and the android simply shrugs. “Connor.”

“I was undercover, Detective. I thought someone as smart as you would recognize that much.” he says, his tone back to normal. You’d feel relieved if he wasn’t being so irritating. “Was I wrong?”

Your face drops. “No. I figured as much. But what for?” you sigh, crossing your arms.

“Same mission as always.”

“Who are you chasing? Did you find the place?”

“I have no reason to tell you.”

It only clicks then that while you know about Connor continuing his mission after being laid off the case, you’re not part of it anymore. He had to be sent back to Cyberlife, and you should’ve been forgetting about him entirely. You’re still DPD, and you have orders to shoot Androids on sight— Which you clearly aren’t following. He’s right. He has no reason to tell you.

Still.

You grab his arm when he threatens to walk away. You’re not sure what you want to say, but you’re not done talking. He lets you. “Connor.”

“Detective.” he says. You straighten your back and sigh, not breaking eye contact. He tilts his head to the side and his LED flashes yellow for an instant. “You’re angry.”

Of course you’re angry. He’s infuriating. There’s something about how logical and dead-set on following every single rule he is that makes Connor the most annoying individual you’ve ever talked to. Everything he does has to be for his mission. Every single thing.

“Do threats work with you?” you ask blankly, “If you don’t tell me where it is, I’ll get Cyberlife to bring you back, and all that?”

When he takes a step closer to you again, forcing your back to press against the wall, and his LED does not even threaten to change hues, you’re taken aback. Just a bit. It’s the same kind of frustrated attitude you would’ve expected from a human after saying what you just did. But not Connor.

He doesn’t seem frustrated, though. And you know he can look annoyed. He just doesn’t. So he must not be. And you want to find what it is he’s doing exactly, stepping closer to you without even saying a word, but your brain feels like it’s short-circuiting at the distance between you two. You know he does everything for his work. Does he think you have new information on deviants? Does he really believe you would call Cyberlife on him? Is he using his stupid interrogation module on you? Whatever it is makes you even more annoyed.

The silence feels heavy. It makes things worse. It gives your brain time to process how this is making you feel and it’s no good at all. “What?” you break the silence, tone somewhat irritated.

“I’m trying to understand the reason why you’re so angry at me.” he explains simply, like it makes sense. His eyes narrow a bit and the LED at the side of his head flickers yellow for a moment. “And no, Detective. Threats don’t work on me. Not when I can tell you’re lying so easily.” he adds, quieter.

“Shut up.” you scoff.

“I dont think I will.”

“Connor.”

“— However,” he interrupts, “I can step away from you at any moment if you tell me to.”

“No.”

“No?”

What— No?! You register the word after saying it and sigh, face contorting into a somewhat pained expression. You panicked and said it, your mind processing his offer as him leaving you again— With no information and nothing to ease your stupid worries. Now it just sounds odd.

Is that embarrassment?

“You didn’t finish what you were trying to do, did you? You haven’t told me why I’m angry yet. Since you apparently care so much.” you say, tone sounding much softer than before. Your apparent discomposure took away all the bitterness from your voice. Interesting.

Truth be told, Connor knows why you’re angry. He’s not letting you in on the details of what he’s doing despite the time you spent working as partners a very short while ago. He’s spent enough time with people, and you especially, to know that after forming some kind of bond with a work partner, it would be frustrating not to receive information about their mission the way you used to from them—

Especially considering he was still chasing after something you both knew about. Jericho. But he cannot tell you about that. Not… Right now.

What he really was trying to do was evaluate how much of a threat you really could be to his investigation. He didn’t sense any hostility before and he doesn’t now, and you could’ve shot him but you didn’t. But it’s not enough. He needs more time— More evidence that it’s fine. That’s why he pulled you here in the first place. That’s why he pressured you to talk.

He needs to make sure killing you isn’t necessary.

“Because I posed a threat to the stability of your current mission earlier. You wouldn’t have been able to shoot me had I been discovered, and your reaction to your colleagues shooting me would’ve jeopardized your job itself.” he answers.

This reasoning would make sense.

“That’s not it.” you sigh.

Your heartbeat is slowing down. No good. Connor leans his arm on the wall next to you and moves closer. Your heartbeat picks up in speed. It’s almost alarming. He can tell all the details about your physical condition and deduce what you’re thinking or feeling based off of them, sure. But he’s no human. The way he views and comprehends emotions is registered in his system in a much more clear and logic-based way than it is in humans’ brains.

So maybe he won’t ever know why your heart beats so heavily against your ribcage. So he just has to pressure the right places and demand answers. He unfortunately can’t allow you to relax. He won’t get anything out of you if you’re calm. You’re much too turbulent for that.

Or maybe he’ll just have to ask. In a normal way.

“Detective, what’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?” you scoff, eyes widening. Wrong question.

You seem like you want to be angry but something is holding you back from displaying just how much he gets on your nerves. You sigh deeply and look at him, “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting so weird. More than usual. Why’d you pull me here if you didn’t want to tell me anything? And I’m worried. What if you really did get shot? Wasn’t Cyberlife supposed to deactivate you? They wouldn’t have brought in another Connor this time. You’re off the case, you— You would’ve died!”

“Maybe.”

There’s circles under your eyes. There always are, but they’re more defined now than they were the last time he saw you. Now that you’re actually being honest, your whole voice and mannerisms betray any of your usual annoyed and dismissive facade. He didn’t think you cared this much, though he understands that some humans are quick to empathize. To a fault.

Now it’s clear he doesn’t need to eliminate you at all. Part of him seems to have grown fond of your company. He couldn’t risk that getting in the way of his better judgment.

“I only pulled you here so you wouldn’t pointlessly chase down the streets searching for me, since I made sure no one would follow.” he says, stepping back and giving you more space, “You’re a police officer. It doesn’t matter what you say you’ll keep to yourself or not. I can’t compromise. This is too important.”

You’re hurt, it’s visible. He’s saying he can’t risk trusting you. He figures that must not feel nice.

The sound of the radio attached to your side breaks this prolonged silence with the promise of separation. You take it, eyes not leaving Connor’s, and listen to your colleague speak. You tell them you’ll be right there. You’re not one to be late. He knows you’ll really leave this time— Too far away for him to hope to talk to you again, if anything goes awry.

You turn the radio off and put it back where it was. “Hope you succeed, then.” you say, bitter, and push yourself up to start walking away.

“Take care of yourself, Detective.” Connor says. Asks. The words come out before he can really think. Something about your voice and this whole atmosphere made him… Feel uneasy. Like he needed to say something. If this is how your partnership ends, he doesn’t believe it should be on such a sour note. He cares doesn’t dislike you at all, so why should it?

You stagger a little, seemingly stopping in your tracks, but moving again no more than a second later. “You too, Connor.”

Somehow, goodbyes had never seemed so sad.

#connor x reader #connor dbh x reader #detroit become human x reader #dbh x reader #connor detroit become human x reader #x reader

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cowboyjen68 · 3 months

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hi jen! i've know im a lesbian since I was 12, but because of my problems with socializing i've never actually had ANY romantic interactions(my lesbianism making things even harder, as you can imagine)

i'm almost out of high school and going to college, so i'm feeling very down about missing out on teen romance but dont want the same thing to happen again. do you have any tips on what i can do to avoid this problem in the future? i am genuinely clueless on what to do when looking for a partner, really

even if you dont actually have any advice to give i still really love your blog, it reminds me that lesbians can actually grow old and live happy lives💖💖thank you for hearing me out and i apologize for any grammar mistake!!

This is pretty easy because, while it was pretty outgoing and friendly, it was often not as my full self. I kept my horse girl, lesbian, butch and weird music and hobby side of myself under wraps from most of my friends. I had no word for lesbian or butch but my high school best friend knew I probably liked girls, we just never discussed it and it didn't bother her. It might have been harder on our friendship had I tried to come out in the 80's, not because it bothered her but the insinuations of all the others about our relationship would have been A LOT for a high schooler.

I waited until after college graduation and I used to sometimes look back and wonder how many times I missed out kissing a girl in high school or other women in college. How had twinges of regret for not having sex or even attempting intimacy with women.( I mostly avoided boys too because ew)

As I was sitting in a miserable passionless marriage to my wife of 17years, I pined for that passion and tingle that i had with my first girlfriend from ages 23 to 30. How many times did I miss that feeling with girls in my high school or college or at summer jobs because I was unsure of myself and not confident that any woman would find me attractive. I was even unsure if loving a woman was something I could do. Was it a real thing?

Looking back now I realize I just was not ready and most of my young friends in high school were not ready for me to be out and opening attracted to the same sex. I had fun in high school, made friends and had a small group of girls I was very close to. I enjoyed those friendships perhaps because I did not come out and cause those bonds to be strained.

In college I was concerned how my parents would react and I was in no way independent from their financial and emotional support. My friends were all around me experimenting with their sexuality and I was watching from outside, really wanting what they had but not willing to give up my security and college education to be open about being a lesbian. I knew I could just "do it and hide it" but I was not built for the stealthy life. I know if i was loving loving women it would be hard to be quiet.

Here is the point I am getting at with the sharing of all these experiences. If you were not ready to act on dating and attempting to date it is probably good that you listened to yourself. We are not on a time line and many young people feel pressured to date when their confidence, sexual maturity and social skills are not ready yet which can lead them to be vulnerable to abusive, controlling or unhealthy relationships. It is hard to listen to your own intuition and set and keep boundaries when you are trying to date just to not be the only one not dating.

What you more likely missed out on was not the thrill of dating but the hassle of pretending you want to date when it didn't feel right, at all.

You are heading to college. You are now becoming interested in the excitement of dating on your own and not because others think you need to date. You are craving the touch, the tingly feeling and the companionship of women. These are all good signs you are ready to date.

My advice:

1.Be honest with yourself and then her (your date) every time. Do not go on date number two if it does not feel right. If you are unsure go on another date but continue to listen to yourself.

2.You deserve passion and mutual excitement to be in the company of a woman. If one of you do not feel it, move on.

3.Do not stick to a relationship because it is "ok" or she is "nice" . You have the right to sexual, emotional and intellectual stimulation. Look for it and don't settle.

4.There will be other women so don't cling to the first one or the one willing to stick around just because she is there. If you don't feel all the afore mentioned excitement, be honest with yourself and her and move on.

5. Dating a woman with whom you share many wonderful moments and lots of joy does not mean you will be together forever or have that expectation. Short term love is a thing and neither of you are failures when that fades out.

6. Ask her. If you see a woman that interests you be clear that you would like to take her on a date and you have romantic interests. Don't be vague or try to use hints. This leads to miscommunications and false expectation every time.

7. Finally, use all the dating and flirting and breakups and heartbreaks and joy and fun and memories to form who and what you are looking for as a partner. All that experience is giving you a better idea on what makes you truly happy.

You missed out on nothing. The adventure is just beginning and it can start with a simple "Hi, I think you are cute. Would you be willing to go on a date with me?" She might say "no", but she MIGHT say "yes".

#lesbian #dating #college #fomo

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m2ok · 1 year

Text

Captain Price Headcannons

John Price X M!Reader

A/N: I started putting together furniture today and my first thought was how good Price would be at assembling shit and that headcannon just kinda spiraled into my general thoughts about him :) enjoy

Weirdly good at putting furniture together. Anything you buy that needs to be assembled he can put it together in an hour or less, and without the instructions too. He’d take one look at them, huff and throw em out. He’d probably add reinforcements too to make it better.

Going off of that, he for sure likes woodworking and would rather build you the things you want instead of buying it anyways. He knows he can make it better and just the way you want it.

His love language in terms of giving is acts of service. He just loves doing stuff for you even if it’s something simple like getting your favorite drink when he’s at the store.

His love language in terms of receiving is quality time. He’s so busy that getting down time is sacred and all he wants to do is spend it with you. He’d follow you everywhere you went just to be with you even if he hated whatever stores you went into.

His favorite cuddling position is when he gets to lay his head on your chest and have you play with his hair. He just finds it so relaxing to be able to listen to your heartbeat while your soft fingers worked through his hair.

You cannot tell me he isn’t a complete gentleman. He for sure opens doors for you, insists on driving (you’d always be a passenger prince idc idc), all in all just a respectful man.

I think he’d stick to classic nicknames like “sweetheart”, “honey”, “my love” that kinda thing.

Speaking of nicknames, he gets genuinely worried when you call him by his actual name because you only call him pet names. Will 100% think he did something wrong and get a little pouty.

Protective but not in a possessive way. He knows you can take care of yourself especially if you’re in the military, but it’s just something that comes with him. Honestly he’s protective over all his boys, just you a bit more.

Speaking of you being in the military, he’d have a very strict no favoritism rule. He’d treat you just like he did the other men. Not only because his job is important to him, but also because he respects you and doesn’t want to underplay your abilities simply because you’re together. Plus treating you like everyone else would ensure you get stronger and are therefore safer.

He wouldn’t hide the relationship from the team, but he just wouldn’t tell them. They’d find out because you’d probably give him a kiss goodbye when they went on a mission and the team saw. When asked about it he’d just say “we’ve been dating for a while, I wasn’t hiding it you just didn’t ask”

When you two eventually settled down you would have a cute, small house. It would be like a cabin in the woods, not too far from civilization but far enough that you didn’t have to worry about noise pollution or nosy neighbors.

Likes going on hikes with you, probably likes to camp too. Honestly just all of that kinda outdoorsy shit like chopping wood for your fire place.

You wouldn’t have a farm of any sort but I think you’d definitely have chickens, maybe ducks. He likes the taste of fresh eggs better than the store and he knows they were at least taken good care of.

Absolutely gets a big dog like a Saint Bernard or a mountain dog. Got it when it was a puppy and trained it to be a good hiking/guard dog. You always treated her like a little baby so now she’s more cuddly than scary and John always pretends to be mad about it

“She was supposed to be a killing machine. Now look at her” he’d say as she laid on top of you, blankets tucked around her so she’d stay warm.

“She’s just a baby!” You’d counter, covering her ears so she didn’t wake up.

Has a perpetual smell of pine and fresh air. Not overwhelmingly masculine, but strong and sturdy.

All in all I just think he would be a very comforting lover. He’d take such good care of you and it would be a stable, very mature relationship. You’d talk things out instead of argue, communicate well, and over all just have a healthy relationship.

As always, requests are open :)

#cod x reader #cod x male reader #cod modern warfare #john price imagine #john price x you #john price #john price x reader #male reader #john price x male reader #captain price x reader #captain price x you #captain price #cod fanfic #cod imagine #john price headcanons #headcannons

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hearts-hunger · 1 year

Text

four weddings and a funeral — part four

Read on AO3 | Masterlist | Series Playlist

⮡ part one | part two | part three

Series Summary: You and Danny haven’t spoken in years. When the two of you stumble upon a week of weddings, funerals, and the hotel rooms in between, will fate rekindle your friendship or put the old flames out altogether?

Chapter Summary: Sun, sand, booze, and music. It seems like fate's dealing you a pretty good hand, but you know in your heart it's too good to be true.

Pairings: Danny Wagner x Reader | Genres: friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff, mutual pining, angst | Word Count: 3.7k | Chapter Warnings: drinking, sexual innuendo, another creepy guy for Danny to scare off

A/N: More Danny and Sunshine for you, my loves! I really like how this chapter turned out, and I hope you like it too. PS - I highly recommend listening to this ocean ambiance while you read this chapter. ♡

The ceremony dragged. You were a little surprised, considering you’d always thought your cousin would be the type to be more interested in the partying side of the wedding than the actual getting married part, but you were glad to see her and her soon-to-be-husband doing what they wanted to for their wedding. Even if it was taking them seven years to get through their vows.

“Hey, sunny,” Danny whispered, drawing your attention from the front.

You leaned closer to him. “Hm?”

“If you had a beach wedding, how much do you think it would cost to rent some sharks to ride away on after you said ‘I do’?”

You snorted, hiding your face against Danny’s shoulder to keep quiet as a few guests shot you puzzled looks. You could feel Danny shaking with contained laughter, and it didn’t help you with your effort to get back some self-control.

“Shut up,” you whispered, still laughing, thankful you were in the very back row of chairs. “We’re gonna ruin the whole ceremony.”

“They already ruined it by not having sharks,” he muttered. “Anybody with half a brain would know that’s an extremely cool thing to do at a wedding.”

“Do it for your wedding,” you said. You made the mistake of looking up at him then, meeting his eyes that were almost a dark golden color in the fading sunlight.

“Maybe I will,” he said, his smile twinkling with amusement. “Can I count on you to be there, sunny?”

You blushed. “Sure. I’ll be at your shark-themed wedding, Dan.” You didn’t allow yourself to think too much about the joke, worried you’d start thinking about something even more ridiculous than sharks at a wedding.

When the couple finally said “I do” and Danny lamented once more that they hadn’t ridden off into the sunset on the back of a great white, he took your hand and led you to the wide pavilion that had been set up for the reception. Dozens of strings of fairy lights hung overhead, casting a warm light on the dance floor and the long tables set up for dinner; on a small stage, a band played swanky oldies that mixed with the sound of the ocean.

“I’ll have a margarita,” Danny told the bartender. “And a mojito for you, right, sunny?”

“Yes, please,” you agreed. You leaned against the bar and watched the band.

“They’re not too bad, huh?” you asked Danny when he handed you your drink. You watched his face with an almost embarrassed hesitance, waiting to see if he’d pretend to like them not to hurt your feelings when really he didn’t care for their music. You’d learned to spot that a mile away in men by now, though usually they didn’t care to conceal their derision when you said you liked something they considered beneath them.

“No, I think they’re really good,” he said, and his expression and tone were so honest and genuine that you relaxed immediately. Not just because he’d affirmed you in your music taste — you couldn’t deny that it mattered to you that Danny liked the music you did — but because you knew he’d have been straightforward and kind about it even if he hadn’t liked it.

“What’s that little tiny cymbal on the drum kit?” you asked, gesturing with your drink in the general direction of the band.

Danny smiled. “The splash? It’s kinda like a baby crash cymbal. It has a brighter sound, but it doesn’t last as long as the crash.”

“Which one’s the crash?”

“The medium one,” he said. “The bigger ones are the ride cymbals.”

“And the big ass drum with their logo on it?” you asked.

He laughed. “Bass drum. Maybe I should draw you a diagram.”

You took a napkin from the holder on the bar and slid it over to him, asking the bartender if he had a pen you could borrow. You gave it to Danny when you got it.

“I would love a diagram,” you said with a grin.

His smile was amused as he drew you a rough sketch of a drum kit, surprisingly neat for being drawn on a napkin. You watched him with fascination and undeniable attraction, enjoying this glimpse into his talent and skill set.

“Here’s your cymbals, the ones I was telling you about,” he said, pointing out each one. “Crash, ride, crash ride, splash. You also have your hi-hat, which is this little guy right here.”

He labeled each one in small block letters. “These are your toms and your snare drum. And then the big one, the bass drum.”

“You have all these in your kit?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I have other things too, like chimes and a side snare, but this is your basic setup.”

He lifted his hand and showed you one of the bracelets on his wrist, a thin string of silver bearing balls.

“You can put these on your cymbals too,” he said, running two fingers over the length of it. You completely missed what he said next, too distracted and flustered by that simple movement to even think straight.

“I’m sorry?” you said, feeling your face heat as you tore your gaze away from the bracelets on his wrist and the veins in his hand and the sheer length of his fingers.

He honest to god smirked, and you blushed hotter.

“They’re called cymbal sizzlers,” he said, deliberately popping the last syllable. You could only nod, dazed and somewhat dreamy.

“Sizzlers,” you said weakly. “Right. Sounds... sizzling.”

His cool composure broke then, unable to keep from laughing at your incisive commentary. As much as you’d liked his smugness, you loved the way laughter softened his features and gave his eyes a little sparkle.

“I’ll say,” he agreed, turning back to the drawing. He tapped the front of the bass drum. “I think we need a big ass logo for our band.”

“Ooh, I got it,” you said. He handed you the pen and smiled when he saw what you were drawing.

“Great work, sunny,” he said, admiring your stick figure couple. “I think Greta Van Fleet should change our logo to that.”

“No way,” you protested. “That’s only for our band.”

He grinned. “Our band, huh? What are we called?”

“The Cymbal Sizzlers,” you said, matter-of-fact.

He laughed. “Well, as a wise lady once said, that sounds sizzling.” He finished his drink. “Okay. Cymbal Sizzlers it is. I like it.”

“I know,” you said. “I’m a genius.”

He ordered another round of drinks for the two of you, and you carefully folded and tucked his drawing into your bag as you went to find your seats for dinner. Luckily, you were at the end of one of the long tables, and Danny moved his chair catty-corner to yours so you could leave the people next to you to their conversation.

Dinner was an assortment of seafood, and you and Danny enjoyed crab legs and oysters and everything in between with an air of decadence.

“I bet this is every day for you,” you teased.

He laughed. “Oh, sure. We always have a raw bar in the dressing room after a show.”

“Complete with gold-plated caviar,” you added.

He hummed in agreement. “Finish that up with a dessert of cocaine and Jack Daniels, and you’ve got a pretty good picture of my daily life.”

You took another drink of your mojito. You’d lost count of what number you were on and noticed you were starting to feel the heady flush of alcohol.

“Don’t forget the blowjobs,” you reminded him.

He shook his head. “That’s actually where I draw the line,” he said sagely. “Too much fun isn’t good for a man’s health.”

“Oh?” you asked innocently. “No silly slurpee while you’re having shrimp cocktail, huh?”

He almost spit out his drink. “No what?” He laughed so hard you thought you’d broken him, and you adored the way his face scrunched with joy and amusement.

“Danny,” you laughed. “It wasn’t even that funny.”

“I know!” he said. He hid behind his hands and smothered another round of bubbly laughter, and you felt the sound of it tug at your heart.

“Oh, god,” he managed eventually, gasping and wiping tears from his eyes as he tried to stop laughing. “You really almost killed me, sunny.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, reaching to put your hand over his. “I’ll keep my lame sex jokes to myself next time, I promise.”

He smiled. “Don’t you dare. I want to hear all of them.”

You finished your drink and stood, and you liked that Danny kept a hold of your hand as you did.

“You going to get another drink?” he asked.

“Yeah.” You gestured to his almost empty glass. “You want another?”

“Nah, I’m done,” he said with a laugh. “I’m plenty sauced. I’ll go get yours for if you want, though.”

“That’s okay,” you said. “I’m going to powder my nose.”

“Oh, fancy.” He finished off his drink. “'Kay. I’ll be here.”

You wove through the wedding guests milling about in various states of intoxication, humming along as the band played, feeling in some state of intoxication yourself. You had a pleasant buzz, and you were looking forward to dancing the night away with Danny.

You found the bathroom, and though there was thankfully no line, there was a skeevy-looking guy leaned against the wall by the door. His eyes locked onto you as you came nearer, and you hesitated. You wished there were some other girls around so you wouldn’t have to go past him alone, but for the moment it was just him and you.

You decided to trust your gut. You turned right back around and went for Danny.

He raised a brow when he saw you coming back to the table.

“All good?” he asked.

“Yeah, I...” All of a sudden, you felt weirdly embarrassed to ask. “There’s this guy that’s kind of hanging around over there, and... I don’t know...” You met his eyes. “Could you walk with me? And kind of... stand outside the door?”

“Of course,” he said easily. “Come on.”

His expression was relaxed as he walked with you, but you could tell by his posture alone that he was attentive and watchful. You stopped at the same place you’d stopped before, a few feet from the guy, and felt Danny’s reassuring touch to the small of your back.

“I’m not gonna let him bother you, sunny,” he said quietly. “I promise.”

He ushered you forward, putting himself between you and the guy and receiving an annoyed look for his trouble. Danny didn’t pay him any mind, leaning one broad shoulder on the wall between the guy and the door.

“I’ll wait right here for you,” he promised, his tone light.

You went inside with a feeling of relief, glad you’d gone back to ask for his help. When you were done, you looked yourself over in the mirror and tried to fix a few wayward strands of hair; you actually thought you looked kind of pretty, all sun-warmed and beachy and tipsy.

You came back out to see that the guy was gone, and Danny was still leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. You wondered if he’d managed to scare the guy off just by doing that, since his arms looked huge under his flimsy button down.

He looked over when you came out and gave you a cheerful smile. “Hi.”

You smiled back. “Hi. Thank you for staying.”

“No sweat,” he said. “I’m happy to tell creepy guys to fuck off any time you need me to.”

He pushed off the wall and walked over to the bar with you, and you noticed that people — men, especially — were more likely to give you a respectful distance in a way they probably wouldn’t have if you hadn’t had Danny right behind you. You decided you kind of liked having a big strong guy you could trust watching your back.

The bartender gave you a wry smile when you came up. “Mojito, right?”

“Oh, lord, you already know what I’m gonna get?” you laughed. “Maybe I ought to slow down.”

You gratefully accepted the drink he made you regardless, and you chewed on your straw and swayed a little to the music as you and Danny watched the band for a minute.

“Oh, hell yeah,” he said when they started to play an upbeat, bluesy tune. He put his hand out in front of you. “Let’s dance to this one.”

“Okay,” you said happily, leaving your drink and taking his hand as he led you to the dance floor. He pulled you snug against him when you got a spot right by the band, and you didn’t have very long to be bashful about it before he had you laughing with his swanky dance moves.

“You didn’t know I was secretly a dancer, did you, sunny?”

You giggled and draped one arm around his neck. “I had no idea you were so multi-talented, Daniel. What other secrets are you hiding?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he teased. He took your hand and spun you like a princess before he tucked you back against him.

“Do you know this song?” he asked.

You shook your head. You were a little dazed with the feeling of him so close, his hand splayed over the small of your back.

“What’s it called?” you asked.

“‘Keep On Growing,’” he said. “Eric Clapton wrote it when he was in Derek and the Dominos.”

He let his hands wander a little, never too far, but you felt your breath catch when they came to rest high on your waist. His hands were so big; you knew he could manhandle you easily if he had a mind to, and you had never felt less concerned about it in your life.

“Someday baby, who knows where or when,” he sang. “Just you wait and see — we’ll be walking together hand in hand along forever, woman, just you and me.”

You gave him a heartsick smile. “Is that so?”

He shrugged and grinned down at you. “Have you ever known Eric Clapton to lie?”

You laughed at the ridiculous question, closing your eyes for a moment as you let Danny sway you to the music.

“Sing some more,” you said.

“Okay,” he agreed. “Just gotta wait for the guitar solo to end, honey.”

Your eyes fluttered open at the endearment, and he smiled as he tugged you closer.

“Time’s gonna change us, Lord, and I know it’s true,” he sang, just for you. “Our love’s gonna keep on glowing, and growing is all we’re gonna do.”

You danced for a long while after that song ended, but the thrill of being close to him only grew the longer he held you and danced you around with goofy, innocent enthusiasm.

When the band finally started to play a slower song, Danny pulled you close with a hand on your back, his free hand taking one of yours. You were glad you were taking a moment to catch your breath; the night air was warm, and now that you were resting against Danny’s chest, you felt a lot more drunk than you had a second ago.

“It’s hot,” you said, looking up at him.

His smile was a little crooked. “You are so drunk, aren’t you?”

“I am,” you agreed. “It’s still hot.”

He chuckled. “I know. You want to go for a walk by the water? Cool off a little?”

You hummed in agreement. “Take me away, Danny.”

He took your hand as he led you through the crowd on the dance floor. He stopped at the bar, but before you could tell him you definitely didn’t need any more alcohol, he got two glasses of ice water and handed one to you.

“Drink up, buttercup.”

You clinked your glass against his, happy that it made him smile. When you’d slaked your thirst, you pressed the side of the glass to your cheek and welcomed the icy sting of it.

“Hey,” you said, seeing the dessert bar. “Strawberry kiss.”

Danny gave you a confused smile. “What?”

“Yeah, you know,” you said. You set your glass down on the bar and put your hand on his arm. “You gave me a strawberry kiss this morning.”

“I remember,” he said, and you liked how he angled his body towards you. “I’d give you another one, but I don’t carry strawberries around in my pockets all day.”

You giggled. “You should.” You gestured to the dessert bar piled high with treats and cakes and a rainbow of fruit. “But you don’t have to.”

“Ah, I see,” he said. “Well, let’s go get you a strawberry kiss, sunny.”

When you had a plastic cup overflowing with strawberries and Danny had caught the one that had tumbled off the top, you walked down to the beach together and shared your dessert. Danny held out his hand to take each leafy top from you when you were finished and tossed them and the empty cup afterwards.

“You’re good at, like, holding things,” you said as you walked down the beach, feeling that a bit of your intelligence had maybe gone out the window with all those drinks.

Danny laughed. “Thank you, I think.”

You took his hand and held it, palm up, in yours. “It’s because your hands are ginormous. They can fit a lot of things.”

You ran your fingers over his palm, and he let out a surprised giggle and flinched away a little.

“Quit that,” he said, but he was smiling. His fingers closed over yours. “Maybe your hands are just tiny, sunny. D’you ever think of that?”

You grinned and brought his hand up to cover your face. “Nope. Because your hand is still big even when it’s not compared to my hand.”

He moved his hand to cup your jaw, his fingers tracing over your brow and your cheek as he did. You rested against his hand and looked up at him.

“You sure do look pretty tonight, sunny,” he said.

For the first time, you didn’t feel shy at his compliment. Maybe it was the rum, but you liked being able to just bask in the pleasure of his praise.

“Thank you,” you said. “I feel pretty tonight.”

You kept hold of his hand and leaned back, letting him hold your weight.

“Well, hold on a second,” he said. He took your other hand so you wouldn’t be lopsided. “There you go.”

You tipped your face up towards the moonlit sky and closed your eyes, feeling the salty ocean breeze brush over your face and Danny’s warm, strong hands holding yours.

“Danny?”

“Hm?”

“I think we should lay down in the sand and connect with the earth.”

He chuckled. “Okay, sunny. Should I just drop you, or...?”

You opened your eyes. “No!”

He grinned. “Fine.” He gently eased you back upright and steadied you as you tried to manage the sand and your dress and your tipsiness with a modicum of grace. You breathed a long sigh when you laid back in the sand, feeling the soft, cool grit of it on your skin.

“How’s this?” Danny asked, propping himself up on his arm next to you. “Do you feel connected with the earth?”

You took a handful of sand and let it trickle through your fingers. “Yeah. Do you?”

“Sure.” He brushed back the lock of hair the breeze had drawn across your face, hooking it behind your ear. “I guess I feel connected to the ocean, too. Pushing, pulling. Always coming back to the shore.”

You turned your head to meet his eyes, and he gave you a gentle smile.

“What?” he asked.

“Just thinking,” you said quietly. You touched your fingers to the pendant on his necklace. “Do you think I can be the sun and the beach, and you can be the moon and the ocean?”

He held your hand and ran his thumb over your palm. “I think that sounds perfect.”

You closed your fingers around his hand, feeling his warmth and steadiness. “I don’t want to be apart from you for a long time, Danny.”

“What do you mean, honey?”

You turned your face back towards the starry sky, feeling close to crying for some reason.

“I missed you after I moved,” you said, and your voice was tight. “I felt like I lost my best friend. And I know we were only kids, but I always thought of you after I left. I always hoped we’d see each other again, somehow.”

Though the past few days had rekindled your old friendship, you knew it was wishful thinking to believe you could maintain a strong relationship after this week, let alone explore the idea of romantic love with each other. You wanted both, foolishly, but Danny wasn’t just Danny any more; he’d be no more likely to want to fit you into his life than you would be able to fit him into yours. It just wasn’t meant to be, and it was painfully obvious despite the gentleness between you.

A tear trickled down your cheek, and Danny moved your joined hands to brush it away.

“I missed you too, sunshine,” he said softly. “I don’t want to be apart from you either. I think fate brought us back together for a reason, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” you said, and your voice was so quiet even you could barely hear it over the sound of the ocean. “To break my heart, I think.”

Danny didn’t seem to hear you, or if he did, he didn’t respond. He touched a finger to your jaw.

“Look at me, sunny.”

You did. Another tear rolled over the bridge of your nose, and he leaned close and kissed it away.

“No crying at a wedding,” he chided gently.

You gave a watery laugh. “That’s all that people do at weddings, Danny. Cry and drink.”

“And dance,” he said with a smile. “Don’t forget dancing.”

He stood, gently bringing you to your feet with him. He held you close and swayed you to the rhythm of the waves.

“We should just stay like this forever,” you said.

His soft laugh rumbled in his chest where you leaned against him. “Sounds good to me, sunshine.”

Read part five!

danny taglist: @tearsofbri @busybeingtrash @myway-late @gotavansleep @gretavanbri

fic taglist: @streamsofstardust

gvf taglist: @malany-gvf @spark-my-nature @eearevee @madneedshelp @demonrat444 @josh-iamyour-mama @honeyandsweettae @mydarlingdanny

@gvfrry @ohhey1293 @the-chaotic-cow @mountain-in-springtime @xserenax-13 @stardustjtk @brooke-gvf @weightofdreams-gvf @jakeydoesit @gretasmokerising @hayley1623 @doodle417 @finestoflines @brokenbellz @bowievanfleet @s0livagant @strugglingtodoshit @s-u-t @kay-jordan @gretavanfleas @jakeyboiiiiiii @gretavansteph @gretavanbitches @myownparadise96 @luverleaver @weightofdreamz @greatervanfleet @maedesculpaeusoubi @jakekiszkasbestie @pineapple-photographer @baguettejuliette @alexxavicry @levi-wants-ur-bones @carlybubs @cowboysamkiszka @dannyandthekiszkas @jordierama @slutforsteve @starshine-wagner

sorry if tumblr didn’t tag you — it’s stupid sometimes. but i’m real thankful for you, sweet peaches! and if you’re a new bestie and would like to be added to my taglist, check out the form right here!

#i actually really like how this chapter turned out and i hope you like it too!! <3 #danny wagner x reader #danny wagner fanfiction #danny wagner x reader fluff #greta van fleet fanfiction #gvf fanfiction #greta van fleet fluff #gvf #danny wagner #maddie writes stuff!#four weddings and a funeral fic

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hannibals-favourite-meal · 2 years

Note

Congrats for 1000 followers 🎉🎉🎉🥳🥳🥳

2: “I want to fuck you until you can only remember my name.”　,Steve Rogers, 7: Mutual pining

for soulmate au,please🥺🥺

Waiting for a Sign

Steve Rogers x soulmate!reader

Sometimes the answer is right in front of your face

Warnings: some smut but not fully smut, both reader and Steve are virgins but Steve is a closet freak (as we all know he is), mutual pining, semi-public sex, fingering

WC: 2.1k

Minors DNI

2: “I want to fuck you until you can only remember my name.” 7: Mutual pining 1: Soulmate au

1000 Follower Celebration

Steve was a stupid man. Not in the way you’d think though. He was highly intelligent in many aspects, he could easily read people’s behaviours, he knew many languages (French was his favourite), and his memory was downright perfect. But for all those smarts and talents, he was still a complete idiot, as Sam loved to remind him.

The main reason he was an idiot was in regards to his soulmate. The person he was destined to spend eternity with, to marry and have a family, to have everything he’s ever dreamed about. A symbol had been carved onto his collarbone the day he turned 18, the black ink standing out against his naturally pale skin.

It was a collection of stars that seemingly formed the petals of a rose. He adored it. All his adult life, he imagined the person that wore the same mark. What would they be like? He knew that, whoever they were, they would be the most beautiful person in existence. He had no doubt about that.

But after coming out of the ice, he lost almost all hope that he was ever going to find them. Sam told him not to give up, that they may be closer than he thinks. He ignores him, there are bigger fish to fry now. But sometimes, he lets himself dream, particularly of the plump little woman that was recently hired in Stark Industries as Pepper’s new assistant, Y/N.

“Such an idiot.” The Falcon sighs, watching his friend do his usual morning routine, completely oblivious to the loving gaze of the new addition to the tower from only a few feet away. “Tell me about it.” Natasha huffs glaring at the pair who unknowingly dance around each other.

“Is there a reason we can’t tell them? You know for a fact it would make our lives easier.” “They have to figure it out for themselves. But yes, it could be so much easier if we just told them.” Sam retorted, rolling his eyes as Y/N’s head snapped down to her (locked) phone, pretending not to have been staring at Captain America when he turned back around.

Steve sighed as he looked down at the young woman. She was wearing her usual work attire, a plain emerald blouse with a high waisted pleated skirt that always swayed around her plump ass, not that Steve ever noticed that (he totally did). The matching blazer was hanging over the chair she was perched on, along with the small over the shoulder bag she carried with her everywhere. She was beautiful, no doubt about that, but more than that, she was kind and intelligent and the most genuine person he had ever met.

As he sipped from his coffee, Steve couldn’t help but trace the soft lines of her curves while she was distracted with her phone, presumably finalising Pepper’s schedule for the day. “…Steve? Did you hear what I said?” His head snapped up, face flushing at having been caught.

“What?” Nat’s forehead fell to the kitchen counter, grunting in annoyance. The younger man groaned and repeated his question. “Are you coming down to train, man?” “Yeah yeah um, I’ll be down in a minute.” He stammered, trying to hide his blush behind the coffee mug, eyes darting away as Y/N looked up from her phone giggling at Steve’s expression. His cheeks got even redder.

“Alright! Enough of that! We’ll see you down there.” Sam clapped him on the shoulder as he and Nat left the room. Silence settled over the pair, neither of them perceiving the tension hanging thickly in the air. She smiled kindly at the Captain and his heart skipped a beat. Her eyes shone in the morning light, her dewy skin looked incredibly soft.

Y/N watched as Steve seemed to zone out. Her lips parted, tongue darting out to wet her plump bottom lip. He was beautiful, there was no doubt about that. With his high cheekbones and chiseled jaw, as well as a body that could’ve been carved from marble, he was statuesque. He handled himself with more grace than she would’ve expected from a man that doubled in size and weight in less than 10 minutes. His blue eyes shone in the early morning sun, always reflecting deep emotion that seemed to draw her in. And just as she was about to speak, “Y/N! There you are! I’ve had some last minute changes.” Pepper strolled into the room, not at all caring about whatever was going on in the kitchen.

Steve took that as his cue to slip away, trying desperately to ignore the heat in his cheeks.

——————

“Oh oh my god! I’m so sorry!” Y/N hissed as the piping hot coffee ran down her front, staining her blouse. The agent that had come around the corner too quickly and without looking and practically dumped the hot beverage onto her was furiously apologetic. “L-let me get you some napkins! I feel so awful!” Y/N waved her off. “It’s fine, I was feeling a bit cold anyway.” She joked, accepting some of the paper towels the agent shoved at her, and dabbing the hot liquid from her chest.

She sighed. This was just great. First she had been benched while Pepper ran meetings with Tony, left Y/N to do all of the paperwork and Pepper wasn’t exaggerating when she said it was a shit-ton. Then, her favourite cafe ran out of her favourite sandwiches so she didn’t have time to find another place to eat lunch, and now, her favourite blouse was stained with the dark brown liquid.

“Just go.” She said to the agent. “I know there’s a mission debrief soon that you can’t miss.” The woman seemed relieved. “Thank you so much and I’m so sorry about this.” And she scampered off. Y/N huffed, still blotting at the dark stain as she walked back to her office, grumbling about how crap her day has gotten.

Thank god Pepper gave her an office with blinds and a solid wood door. Peeling off her blazer and shirt, she pulled out more tissues from her desk, trying to wipe up as much of the coffee as possible not only from the fabric, but also from her skin. She was so grateful she wasn’t wearing a nice bra today, so only her shitty brassiere was stained. Laying her shirt over the small heater in the corner, she turned to throw away the damp tissues when her door was opened.

“Hey Y/N! I noticed you didn’t have any lunch today so I got you this sandwich…” Steve trailed off, frozen in place in the middle of the entryway, a brown paper bag and a to-go cup in hand. “Steve!” She screeched, attempting to cover her naked top half as he stood there, mouth opening and closing like a fish. “Close the door!”

He did so. “With you on the other side!” “Oh oh right.” But he made no move to leave, his blue eyes flicking down to her full bust. Heat crawled up her neck as he studied her. “Steve go.” She pleaded, starting to get more self conscious. “Your soul mark.”

Y/N looked down at the tattoo-like drawing on her chest, the rose made of stars looked like it had been painted onto her skin, she usually covered it up since it was in more of an intimate place. “W-what about it?” She tried to turn away but Steve was faster. He dropped the cup and the bag, his big hand grabbing her shoulder to keep her in place.

With a quick move, his own tight shirt had been pulled over his head and cast to the side. Y/N squeaked, eyes darting to anywhere that wasn’t the super soldier’s body. “Look.” Calloused fingers guided her jaw down and she gasped. There on the Captain America’s very sculpted pec, was a rose made from stars. Tentatively reaching out, she touched his warm skin, tracing the delicate lines of the mark.

“It’s you?” He nodded, a relieved smile overcoming his features. “I’ve waited a lifetime for you.” They paused for a brief moment before their lips crashed together. The kiss was by no means romantic or tender, it was all teeth and tongues as months of tension finally snapped. Muscular arms wrapped tightly around her thick waist to pull her even closer, the need to feel each other growing at an alarming rate.

Y/N’s hands slid up his strong back and tangled in his perfect blond hair, her soft stomach pressed against him, moaning into Steve’s mouth as she felt the length of his hard cock on her tummy. Suddenly she pulled away. “Wait Steve. I have to tell you something.” His grip loosened slightly. “What is it? Do you not want to do this?” She shook her head. “No no. I do. I’ve wanted this for so long. I just- I’ve never done this before.”

His blue eyes widened before they got darker, lust radiating from them. He dipped down and met her lips once more, immediately snaking his tongue into her mouth, one big palm cupping her plump ass, giving it a firm squeeze. “Me neither.” He groaned in between kisses. “Do you know how hot that is?” Sloppy kisses were placed down her jaw as he spoke. “That we will only have each other for the rest of our lives. That I will only be yours and you will only be mine.”

Y/N moaned, guiding his head to her throat, where he proceeded to bite and suckle the delicate skin, leaving deep marks that she would definitely struggle to cover up tomorrow. “I’m yours Steve. All yours.” Heat pooled between her legs, soaking her panties through. The bigger man rolled his hips into her, desperately trying to relieve his aching cock.

She gasped as her ass collided with the edge of her desk, several items falling to the floor, but Steve didn’t relent, he couldn’t. Not when he finally had her in his arms. Sharp nails scraped down his back and he growled into her neck. His mind was overloaded with sensations, the way Y/N was mewling into the air, the feel of her skin beneath his lips, the smell of her weeping cunt which seemed to invade his senses with a tangy sweetness, the taste of her sweat on his tongue.

He couldn’t wait anymore.

Thick fingers slipped down her front, nudging her skirt up over her hips so his warm palm could cup her clothed pussy. “Are you ok with this? We can slow down.” She shook her head, hand falling to his wrist and pushing it even closer to the sizable wet patch in her panties. “I want this so bad. Please.” Steve felt like his knees were about to give in as she looked up at him with big doe eyes.

“Ok ok, lemme just prep you first, I don’t want to hurt you petal.” Oh god, he was going to be the death of her. With delicate movements, like he hadn’t just been sucking on her neck like a fucking vampire, Steve lowered her soaked panties, letting them drop to the floor. He kept his eyes lock on hers as his hand slid up her soft inner thigh, the calloused tips of his fingers barely brushing the folds of her sex. “Steve please.” She breathed, rolling her hips down, needing him to touch her.

But he continued to tease, seemingly hypnotised by the way her wetness gathered on his hand and shimmered in the white light of the fluorescent bulbs above them. It was pure torture, he was so close to where she needed him but still so far away. It just slipped out, her mind already going hazy. “Please Captain.”

The growl that resonated through his chest was downright feral, it was deep and almost animalistic, like she was suddenly trapped in her office with a bear and not a man. “I want to fuck you until you can only remember my name.” In a surprisingly bold move, Y/N bit down on his ear lobe before whispering. “Then do it, Captain.” Steve grabbed her by her wide hips to plant her on top of the desk, immediately stepping between her thick thighs.

His lips were already swollen from their kisses, his pale face a dark red with a flush that spread down his chest. “This may hurt.” His breathing was ragged and he looked to be at the very end of his composure. Wrapping her legs around his small waist, Y/N brought his body to hers, the blunt head of his cock pressed tightly to her virgin opening. “Hurt me.”

Steve’s blue eyes fluttered and his breath hitched. “You’re going to regret that little girl.” He growled and pushed in, fitting together like a missing puzzle piece. Both exactly where they were meant to be.

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narrativelysignificantturtleduck · 2 months

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hi :) 12 or 13 for bakoda? :)

hi :) let's do both bc why not

12. Do they have many heated arguments? How do they smooth things over?

honestly, i don't think so. they have disagreements because they're different people (hakoda more outgoing and at times reckless, bato more reserved and cautious) but their friendship's lasted over the years because their differences complement each other and allow them to work as a team. as i imagine it, most of the conflict in their relationship is simply around initiating it. they've decided the other is off-limits for various reasons despite the fact that they have this very genuine loving relationship, and that hurts but doesn't really manifest as an argument.

they were a few moments things got heated, though:

after kya's death, hakoda shut down, barely did anything while bato and kanna kept the household running, and eventually i think bato may have gotten frustrated with that and snapped at him. see this post by @weaselwater who regularly makes bakoda posts that hurt me (complimentary)

after bato took the kids ice-dodging hakoda felt bad about it and then felt bad for feeling bad about it because if anybody else was to do it of course he'd want it to be bato. he can't resent his best friend who helped raise his kids! so instead of actually confronting his guilt over missing this important moment in his kids' lives he just says "of course you didn't overstep i'm glad they got to go 👍" and lets his feelings fester. eventually it bursts out and he gets angry at bato for being nice to his kids (???) but luckily bato figures it out pretty quick and says so and hakoda's like ohhhhh and just kinda. cries on bato for a bit

13. Who’s the bigger tease?

(massively shifting gears here lol)

you'd think hakoda because he's a more goofy personality but mostly he was just unintentionally torturing bato for years by being a charming handsome guy in an extremely open-chested shirt. like he didn't know he was being a tease, he just was. meanwhile once bato gets it through his head that hakoda finds him hot (it takes him some time to get used to it after decades of unrequited pining) he totally takes advantage of it. hakoda's idea of being a tease is waggling his eyebrows and going "like what you see? ;)" and bato's is to pretend it's all unintentional. sidle up behind hakoda to get something off a high shelf kind of thing

also they'll sometimes ramp up the teasing/flirting around the kids bc they're dads who think it's funny to watch their kids get grossed out :)

ask game

#sorry i was slow answering #ask #nina's personal log #bakoda

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leiawritesstories · 8 months

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Stick Season (Part 1)

Rowaelin Month 2023, Day 1: Song Fic

inspired by "Stick Season" by Noah Kahan (giggles in Frederick) I've had so much fun writing this and I am beyond excited to share it with all of you! happy Rowaelin Month once again! <3

Word count: 2,480

Warnings: swearing, bad decisions, heartbreak, not-great parenting, angst, simmering sexual tension, pining idiots in love but they won't admit it

Enjoyyyy! (yes there will be more, i promise)

@rowaelinscourt

Prologue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Downtown Orynth, Vermont, still looked exactly the same as it always did when Aelin paid her occasional, brief visit to her hometown. Same “cozy” wooden buildings, same storefronts lining Main Street, same pine boughs wrapped around the light posts, same dusting of snow brushed across the rooftops in a postcard-picture kind of perfection. Same kindhearted shopowners waving at her as she strolled down the cleanly swept sidewalk.

If she smiled hard enough, maybe she could pretend there wasn’t a gaping hole in her heart.

Three years since she cut the other half of her soul out of her life, and no amount of friendship and laughter and girls’ nights could fill the empty chasm that leaving Rowan left in her.

“Aelin?” The voice came from her left as she passed the local bookstore, a place where she’d spent some of the happiest hours of her youth.

She turned. “Philippa!” A genuine smile curved up her lips. “I didn’t think you were still working here all the time.”

Philippa waved off the mild protest with a flippant hand. “You know how busy it gets at this time of year, my dear.” She pulled Aelin into a warm hug. “It’s so good to see you again!”

Aelin melted into the older woman’s motherly embrace. “Want to know a secret?”

“Is that even a question?” Philippa laughed, opening the bookstore door and nudging her inside. “I live to collect secrets.”

“Of course you do,” Aelin chuckled. “Well, here it is: I wasn’t planning to be back home this year. Or next year. Or anytime soon, really.” She blew out a short, sharp sigh. “I’m only here because…well…” She trailed off, not fully ready to voice the reason she’d returned.

Philippa patted her arm. “It’s alright to let yourself grieve, dear. Your mother’s passing was a shock to all of us.”

“And something of a relief,” Aelin mumbled under her breath.

Ever tactful, Philippa pretended not to hear. “Will you be here through New Year’s?” she asked, smoothly changing the somber subject.

Aelin nodded. “Yes. I’ll drive back to New York sometime around January fifteenth, unless Dad needs me for longer. I’m working remotely until then.”

“Thank goodness for modern technology, right?”

“Right.” She half-grinned. “I don’t suppose you’re still resisting that modern nonsense, hmm?”

Philippa pretended to hide. “You caught me.”

Aelin fake-groaned. “How many times have I told you that it will help the bookstore grow? Think of all the customers you could reach with something as simple as a website and maybe an Instagram profile!” Pasion seeped into her words, coloring her thoughts with excitement. “And you could easily keep up with the online orders–that crappy old monitor you have barely runs basic word programming, let alone internet.”

“You be nice to Mort, now,” Philippa teased. She’d named the bookstore’s ancient computer Mort in honor of the many times it had brushed with death.

“Mort deserves to be laid to rest once and for all,” Aelin laughed. “Are you trying to keep me in town or something, asking when I’m heading home?”

“Maybe.” The older woman’s laugh lines crinkled as she grinned. “Or maybe I’m just planning to offer you a job here while you’re in town.”

“You know I work in publishing, right?” Aelin raised her brows. “I’m pretty sure that’s enough books and book stuff for one woman.”

“How long has it been since you remembered why you work in publishing in the first place?”

The question made Aelin stop in her tracks, mind whirling as she sifted through years of memories. “I…years. God, it’s been…years.” For a moment, yearning flickered across her face. “Maybe not since the last time I volunteered here at Christmas.”

“Exactly.” Philippa gave Aelin’s hand a motherly squeeze. “Christmas season is far too busy for one old woman to handle alone. So…will you help me?”

A fond smile curved Aelin’s lips. “Of course I will.”

Snow-dusted evergreen boughs adorned the lampposts of downtown Orynth, weaving their crisp pine breezes through the early evening air. Hands tucked into the pockets of his quilted flannel jacket, Rowan strolled down Main Street, determined to avoid being sidetracked into one of the golden-lit shops that smelled invitingly of cedar, maple sugar, pine, and spiced cider. Christmas scents always had been his weakness, despite the pain he couldn’t separate from the holiday.

A single paper bag dangled from his left wrist, the only sign that he’d been out shopping for the holidays. His entire brood of cousins was about to descend upon Doranelle, the next town over, for the next few weeks, so he’d come into Orynth to pick up a few things. He refused to admit that the massive canister of peppermint hot cocoa mix was an impulse buy–it had been on sale, and he knew how much his relatives adored all the sweet holiday treats.

It had nothing whatsoever to do with peppermint hot chocolate being Aelin’s favorite. Nothing.

“Whitethorn?” The call came from his left.

Rowan turned towards the voice. “Who–”

“Whitethorn! It is you!” Aedion Ashryver stepped out of Staghorns Tavern, a popular local brewery. “Come inside, man, have a drink.” He pulled Rowan into a brief, back-slapping hug. “Good to see you again.”

“Good to see you too, Ashryver.” Rowan returned the hug but hesitated at the offer of a drink. “I dunno about the drink, though.” He raised his shopping bag. “Gotta go home and prepare the place for the Whitethorn horde.”

Aedion snickered. “You’re still letting them crash at your place, huh? Thought you would’ve liked the house to yourself every once in a while.”

Rowan shrugged. “It’s a big house, and I live alone all the rest of the year.” He flashed Aedion a smirk. “Besides, Sellene and Enda would just barge in anyways, so I might as well allow it.”

“Fair enough.” Aedion glanced into the brewery, waving off someone inside. “You sure you don’t want to grab a quick drink? I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever.”

“Yeah, give me a rain check on the…” Rowan trailed off into silence, his brain stalling at the sight of Aelin Galathynius opening Stag’s door and grabbing her cousin by the arm, halfway through a teasing jibe about Aedion wasting his body heat trying to warm up the December chill.

“...not worth it to–oh.” Her wide-eyed turquoise gaze slammed into Rowan with all the force of an avalanche.

“What are you doing here?” The question, though whispered, tore out of him with the force of a deafening scream.

Aedion brushed a protective touch over Aelin’s shoulder, murmured something softly into her ear, and slipped back into the brewery, wisely leaving the two of them alone.

She swallowed thickly and steeled her spine, meeting his stare head-on. “I’m home for my mother’s funeral and the holidays.” Her tone was cool, detached, nothing more than an old acquaintance responding to a casual question.

“I–I had no idea,” Rowan murmured. “I’m so sorry, Aelin.”

“Don’t be.” She snorted quietly, her shields snapping back into place as swiftly as they’d fallen. “About Evalin, Rowan. Don’t be sorry.” A pause, a crack in her controlled exterior. “I can’t say I am.” Her expression sharpened. “Can I ask what you’re doing out here…um, by Staghorns?”

He read the unspoken question, finding himself surprised that she hadn’t asked outright. “I was in Orynth to pick up a few things before my cousins get here tomorrow, and I was heading down towards the parking lot.” Downtown Orynth was strictly car-free, so the town had built parking space by the edge of the no-traffic zone. “Your cousin saw me, so I stopped for a bit.” And held off the alcohol, he added, silently.

She nodded in understanding. “I…I should go.” She turned.

“Wait!” Unexpectedly, he reached for her hand, stopping himself with bare millimeters between his skin and hers. “I…when are you leaving?”

“After New Year’s.” The words were clipped.

The shields encasing his heart slammed back down with finality. “So you’ll just up and leave again, no warning, not telling anyone?” He laughed, a sound as brittle as the winter air. “I don’t know why I expected any different.”

“Some things never change,” she whispered, half to herself, her voice teetering dangerously close to anguish. Without another word, without a backward glance, she yanked open the brewery door, walked in, and vanished into the crowd packed into the bustling space.

His heart a tangle of stormy emotions, Rowan turned on his heel and strode down the rest of the street, not stopping until he reached his pickup. There, he dropped his shopping bag in the back seat, leaned himself against the truck’s battered old green frame, and breathed as deeply as he could. Eyes screwed shut, he allowed the flood of memories to wash over him, sinking into the aching familiarity of her golden hair and wild laugh, her burning resilience and unwavering strength. The watery croak of her voice when she told him she was sorry three years ago. The tsunami of anger and rage and grief and torment that had ripped through his whole being for weeks after that afternoon.

Then he locked those precious, shattered memories back into the dark recesses of his mind, swung himself up into the truck, and drove off into the December night.

Three Years Ago

Rowan pulled into his driveway in shell-shocked silence, muscle memory guiding him out of his truck and into the house. He kicked off his boots in the mudroom, shook the loose snow off the soles, and placed them neatly on the rack. Numbly, he shed his thick winter jacket and hung it on its peg, made sure he was free of tray snow and ice, and walked into the warmth of the wood-paneled house.

A beer bottle shattered at his feet the second he came through the door.

“The hell y’been, boy?” His stepfather’s slurred words were barely distinguishable.

“Work, then the store.” Rowan had learned years ago to keep his words as brief and subdued as possible, lest he face another of Arobynn’s famous eruptions of drunken wrath. “Picked up another six-pack.” He placed the case of beer bottles on the kitchen counter.

Arobynn squinted at the six-pack. “Leas’ y’did one thing right,” he sneered. “Clean up the fuckin’ floor, boy.” He grabbed two bottles of beer and stumbled back out into the living room, where he collapsed into his reeking, tattered old leather recliner and lost himself in his usual world of alcohol and blaring television.

Rowan clenched his fists and jaw and picked up the broom. He made quick work of the broken glass, dumped it in the trash bin, put away the broom, and grabbed some food as he hurried off to his room. Arobynn’s alcoholism was a blessing, in a way–he confined himself to that side of the house, not moving much between the den, the kitchen, and his bedroom and bathroom. It meant that Rowan could stay in the master bedroom, which was at the other end of the house, and keep the rest of his family home as clean as possible.

Every time he looked at the single portrait of his parents that adorned his bedroom wall, he swore he could hear their sorrow at the state of their once-beautiful home.

That goddamn crash had taken so much from the Whitethorn family.

Rowan was only a child when he lost his dad, and his mother had been so buried in her grief that she’d failed to see the giant blaring red flags of the first man that showed her any affection. She’d married Arobynn Hamel partially out of what she thought was love and partially out of necessity; the property needed another pair of adult hands to maintain it, not to mention another income. It was only a few months before Arobynn’s true colors showed themselves.

For five years, Rowan’s mother had stayed strong, protecting her son by sacrificing herself. She’d protected her son from his stepfather’s fits of drunken rage, from the anger that reverberated through the house, and even from the knowledge of her medical diagnosis. When he lost her, too, Rowan lost all hope that his life could be anything but alcohol and anger and abuse.

Then he went away to college and met Aelin, and her warmth rekindled his frozen soul.

Watching her drive away from him mere hours ago had ripped the fragile, carefully patched scraps of his heart into bleeding shreds.

Fuck it. If he didn’t blow off some steam now, he’d do something he’d regret later.

As silently as possible, Rowan slipped out of the house, crossed the snowy yard to the barn, hauled open the door that desperately needed some oil, and flicked on the overhead lights, illuminating the large, chilly, wooden-beamed space. He’d slowly transformed the barn into a gym over the years, picking up old equipment at estate sales and local gyms who were remodeling or getting rid of old machines and other stuff. Right then, he only had eyes for the punching bag–his favorite way to release the pent-up anger his fists itched to rain down upon Arobynn’s worthless face.

He took off his jacket and sweatshirt, pulled on his well-loved boxing gloves, and strode over to the punching bag. With a grunt, he launched into a punishing round of strikes and punches, pummeling the taut leather sandbag with enough force to send it rocking on its chain. That first volley loosened the knot of tension in his chest, opening the floodgates, and every tangled, indecipherable, raw emotion he’d bottled up came pouring out in the erratic rhythm of his gloved fists (and occasionally his shoes) against the punching bag, interspersed with hoarse yells, broken shouts, curses, groans, and grunts. He lost himself in the slap of leather on leather, barely remembering to draw breath, slapping and punching and kicking until the flood of grief and pain and rage had subsided enough for his head to clear.

Chest heaving, rare tears seeping hot and salty down his face, Rowan sank to the weathered wooden plank floor, buried his head in his hands, and felt the crushing weight of abandonment, an old familiar companion, press down upon his shoulders once again.

Although he didn’t know it, Aelin was curled in the same position on the floor of her childhood bedroom, her face buried in her hands, tears streaming unchecked down her cheeks. The same anguish tore through her ruined heart, a white-hot knife of grief and guilt piercing her to her core. Leaving him was the last thing she ever wanted to do; it was like splitting herself in half. Yet she had left him, tossed him to the snowy curb without a backward glance. Leaving him shell-shocked on the edge of the highway, heart in his throat and the winter wind whistling through his empty hands.

~~~

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#my writing #stick season #aelin galathynius #rowan whitethorn #rowan x aelin #rowaelin #rowaelin au #rowaelin fanfic #rowaelin fanfiction #rowaelin modern au #based off a song #song fic #rowaelin month 2023 #rowaelinmonth2023 #stick season the fic #inspired by noah kahan ofc #rowaelin winter au #rowaelin holiday au #winter holiday au

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shadowsandshapes · 1 year

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FFTB | CH 9: Delayed Indulgence (Dabi/F!Reader)

Summary: You escaped the scene, only to have Dabi manhandle you into a corner. He seems troubled, but you quickly realize his anger is not directed at you. No - he's furious with himself and his emotions reach a boiling point. His heart spills over… Contains: Inner Turmoil, Payoff To Pining, Comfort!, Fluff, Spice Light

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“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

The phrase echoed against the damp pavement and brick walls. Your heart hammered against your ribs in anticipation. Despite the venom and hatred he had expressed, Dabi had come to your aid when you needed him. While he had been cold and cruel to you before, there was no sign of that same vitriol now. Anger – yes, but it wasn’t quite directed at you in particular.

Rather, Dabi seemed more upset with himself than anyone else.

His rescue had left you breathless and now he was fuming. Stomping his feet like a stubborn child as he paced the width of the alley. You tried to think of a genuine answer to the question rattling around in your mind. Frankly, you also wanted to know what your problem was. And Dabi’s problem for that matter. Something about his stride looked frantic and unnerved. You swore it felt like he was scared to be near you – avoiding your eyes and bitterly muttering to himself. Like he was trying to outrun you without actually leaving.

The thought almost made you laugh. Dabi wasn’t afraid of anything – nothing could shake him like that – and certainly not someone like you. No matter how much you liked to pretend you could have that effect on him, it all seemed a little ridiculous. Still – you couldn’t shake the feeling you were on the cusp of something important.

As for Dabi himself, he hadn’t expected to come and find you immediately when he heard you were in the area. Fuck – why did he have to be nearby when you were around? He had more self-control than that. That’s what he kept telling himself whenever you were spotted by one of his sources or informants. Jumping at the chance to see you again was pathetic and desperate. But curiosity had gotten the better of him. He had to see you, he had to see for himself how you were doing.

Were you just as miserable without him as he was without you?

Tracking you down had been far too easy. Even taking into consideration your careful nature and thorough understanding of the villain underworld, you wouldn’t have been able to avoid Dabi forever. He had eyes in every faction. Connections with various villain watering holes and mercenary joints were hard to come by, but Dabi had made the effort for the sake of his goals. It’s all about who you know in this world. He had never imagined using it to search for a woman though. Yet here he was – using everything at his disposal to get to you.

Only to then find you grinding on some greasy bastard in a nightclub.

The very sight of you with another man made him want to hurl. Let alone two of them. It inspired an unstoppable sense of violence in his heart. A sudden, burning need to hurt everyone in his path. Anyone who stood between you and him was a threat. A problem to be snuffed out and dealt with. Dabi wanted to claim you like that man had. Wanted to touch you like him, hold you like him and much more. You were a scourge he couldn’t get rid of. The second he saw you in person again he was lost. Desperate to reach out and take your hand.

Despite this sickening obsession still running rampant in his heart, Dabi had managed to suppress the urge to swoop in and take you away. Instead – he had resigned himself to let you be, choosing to watch and wait. The compulsion to seek you out would vanish eventually. Walking away would have been the right thing to do. You didn’t need him. The mistakes you chose to make were your own and had nothing to do with Dabi. Those guys could have ruined you. He shouldn’t have cared. But he did. He strafed back and forth in front of you, mind racing with a million and one questions.

‘Why’ being the most prominent one.

Why did he intervene? It didn’t make any goddamn sense. He should have let you go. You were moving away from him and that very notion brought him to action. This was some weak Hero bullshit. Feet moving on their own accord. Springing to action to save another. Dabi was a villain. He didn’t do that. Why was being away from you such agony? You were just some girl he had met in the midst of all this chaos. A passing interest on his way to bigger and grander goals. Who was he to lay claim over you when he was the one to push you away in the first place? He couldn’t stand it. The way his chest tightened and burned for you.

Every time you looked his way with those pretty eyes, he couldn’t fucking breathe.

“Dabi –” you started, reaching out in an attempt to soothe his frantic pacing. This was the first time you’d seen him so expressive. The guy was clearly going through it, even if he tried to hide how he was really feeling behind an angry scowl. The sound of your voice calling his name so gently was unbearable. It was too kind. Far kinder than he deserved for how he had treated you. Before you could do anything to calm him, Dabi threw his hands up and motioned for you to stay back.

If you touched him now he would break. Shatter beneath these confusing, overwhelming feelings.

“No – no, let me talk. Just listen – I messed up, (Y/n). Colossally. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. You’re everywhere. All the time. I thought that by getting rid of you I could stop feeling like this.” You quietly watched Dabi rattle off his grievances, every word spat out like a resentful confession.

He didn’t want to tell you – but he had to.

With each stride he made back and forth between the walls of the alley, Dabi ran his fingers through his raven hair. Harshly pulling at the strands. You flinched at how aggressively he yanked at them, fingers threading the hair and wrenching at his scalp. Despite how excruciating it may have seemed to you, the action seemed to bring him some kind of relief. It did nothing, however, to slow the unstoppable torrent of words from pouring from his lips.

Honesty was so fucking awkward and painful.

“You’re a fucking nightmare. I burned your things in the dumpster out back but it didn’t help shit. Then I saw you with those guys and I –” He couldn’t say it. Admitting he was jealous meant admitting to something he was vehemently trying to deny himself. Dabi was so close to the truth but couldn’t bring himself to accept it. Couldn’t see what was in front of him. “It feels hot and chaotic and I can’t stop wanting to be near you. When I caught you leaving that day, I just couldn’t let it happen. Instead of talking to you I – �� He paused, tripping over his tongue and thoughts at the same time. “I’m fucking obsessed with you (Y/n) – and I’m sorry.”

Finally calm enough to brave your eyes, he let out a deep sigh and stopped pacing. Dabi felt lighter. For the first time since your falling out, he could breathe again. Even if you’d seen him act so irrationally. Breaking down like that was something he hadn’t done since he was a child. He felt small and vulnerable next to you. Pathetic and weak. But it had to done. You had to know how sick he felt without you. Dabi’s fingers relaxed as he withdrew them from his hair, hands falling to his side in resignation. All that was left was your reaction. Whatever it may be – he would have to accept it. Dabi didn’t even know what he wanted from you, really…

Forgiveness, comfort – did he deserve any of that after what he’d done?

You stood in silence, giving him a moment of reprieve from his own feelings. It clicked into place then. The attraction. The lashing out. The lengths he had gone through to push you away. It all made sense. Dabi might not have realized the gravity of his confession in the moment – but you certainly did.

You stepped forward and grabbed onto his coat’s collar. “Kiss me.”

“What?” Dabi blinked – confused.

Did he really need you to spell it out for him?

“You’re in love, dipshit. Please Dabi just fucking kiss me or I’ll do it for you.”

With your permission given, Dabi’s last shred of restraint was broken in an instant. His kiss was searing and passionate. You squeaked against his lip as a hand grasped the back of your head – pulling you closer. In contrast to your last run-in, there was no malice on your tongue but the taste of desperation had increased tenfold. Dabi felt the difference. Your arms locked around his neck as you stretched to kiss back properly.

You fucking troublemaker.

How had he not seen it? Maybe because Dabi had always considered himself above petty things like love. It wasn’t for him. Vengeance and retribution had been all he needed to stay alive up until this point. Then you showed up. Made him laugh and cared for him when no one else would. Most importantly: you saw right through him, catching glimpses of the boy Touya used to be – and you didn’t look away. If anything, your constant prying was what scared him the most.

Now he realized it wasn’t a bad thing.

You were fearless when faced with someone as ugly and depraved as Dabi – more than that, you loved him for it. He could feel it in the way you kissed him. The warmth of your lips. The quiet, gasping moans that poured from your mouth as he pushed you up against the wall – your legs wrapping around his waist as he hoisted them up. It was more than proof enough that you were serious about this. The fact that you wanted this as much as he did was both relieving and terrifying. As was the realization that you were right.

He was in love with you.

His fingers dug into the skin of your thighs. Dabi marveled at how tender the flesh was. Soft and delicate, perfect in every way. He pulled away to catch his breath – azure eyes eagerly tracing every inch of your blush-dusted face. That enchanting view was something Dabi never wanted to forget. You were gasping, eyelashes fluttering as you attempted to come back to your senses. The weight of your lovely, strong thighs tensing around him was driving him insane. He’d wanted this for so long and didn’t even realize it.

You were fucking intoxicating and he couldn’t wait to get a proper taste.

However, as much as Dabi wanted to shove you behind the nearest dumpster and make this official, this wasn’t the most sanitary place to take his cock out. With no small amount of reluctance and chagrin, he set you back down on the pavement. Wanting to commit the scene to memory, Dabi rested his forehead against yours and admired the adoring look in your eyes. Love was a beautiful color on you, he decided. Something he could definitely get used to. And he would have to.

All of this still felt incredibly foreign, but for you, he was more than willing to try his damndest to make this work.

Dabi needed to say something – anything to fill the silence before you changed your mind about the whole thing. He finally had you in his arms and the fleeting thought that this was temporary caused a spark of panic. “Toga misses you.” he said, cringing as soon as the words left his mouth.

You could have said anything but that, idiot.

Just barely managing to muffle the noise with your hand, you barked out a laugh into your palm. “Toga, huh? Does Toga want me to come home?”

“Yeah…” Dabi smirked and kissed you again – a quick, affirming peck on the lips. “And me too of course. Most importantly me. Me and fuck everyone else honestly. I don’t really care what they want but I’m guessin’ they’re gonna be happy to see you. Don’t worry about Shigaraki. If he throws a fit about you leaving I’ll torch the place to hell.”

You grabbed Dabi by the chin, giving it a playful shake as he snapped his teeth at you in retaliation. “Easy on the arson, hotshot.”

Dabi couldn’t help but grin at the palpable affection in your voice. Fuck. He’d missed this. It had been so long since you’d talked to him like that – he’d almost forgotten what a little shit you were. A precious little shit, though. His little shit. The thought made his heart race. You wanted to be with him.

Willingly and unapologetically.

“So are you gonna take me home, or what?”

A/N: We needed this. Sorry for the wait (: Confession scenes are hard. Especially when Dabi struggles to accept what he is confessing to. But we're here. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, darlings <;3

Taglist: @kelin-is-writing @dynamars @dabislittlemouse @simpysheep @ohnoitsthatonekid @tonysttank

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