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wandaslullaby · 1 year

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hello sweetheart how is your day going? i hope everything goes well with you ❤️

I have a request, if you will allow me

The reader is a quiet student who has a crush on his teacher, Wanda, who is pregnant. After a while (after her birth, )rumors spread about her separation from vision So one day Wanda comes in in a bad mood, and another day, and the reader (who has a big crush on her) out of politeness, love, and some kind of opportunity , After all the students leave, the reader stays and Wanda says: If you have a question, you can ask tomorrow without looking to r so The reader offers to help Luanda as he approaches her little by little Wanda marvels at his words as he kneels in front of her and points to her breasts and has milk spots “ In short, the reader suckles from Wanda's breasts after the lecture“

thank you sm

tea cup ride || wanda maximoff

I kind of changed it a little, hope you don't mind :)

18+ PLUS MINOR DNF otherwise blocked.

s/n: lactation kink, mommy wanda

Wanda hated postpartum, and to top it all off she was going through a nasty divorce with Vision. It had been spread around the school since Wanda was a popular teacher so she was somewhat moved at the love she got from her students, expect one.

You.

Wanda didn't think much of you, she barely noticed you as you stumbled your way through students, apologising until you were safely seated.

Class went smoothly but Wanda started to get impatient and decided to end the class early. The students cleared the hall and Wanda sighed, sitting in her chair. Not realising you were still there, Wanda started to doze off. As much as you hated being the centre of attention, the odds weren't in your favour as you tripped landing straight onto Wanda's desk.

"I-I'm so sorry, Ms Maximoff." You babbled, eyes fixated on Wanda's breasts.

"Up here." Wanda muttered.

"Sorry... You just, um..."

"Spit it out, for fuck sake."

"Your breasts are leaking, Ms. I think you might need to pump."

Wanda looked down, letting out a grunt. "I forgot them. Of course I did."

You weren't exactly sure how to invert yourself in this conversation so you decided to make your way out. Until suddenly, you saw the door slam shut.

"Where do you think you are going?" Wanda teethed, eyes glowing red.

You turned around, "To my next class.."

Wanda shook her head, "And leave me looking like this?"

"I-I'm not sure what you want me to do, Ms Maximoff."

Wanda was now focused on your lips. They were plumped and pink and from that judgement, she had an idea. "Come over here."

You did as you were told not having a single clue of what Wanda had in mind.

"Sit on my lap." Wanda said, but you looked at her confused.

"Did I stutter? Sit."

You wasn't sure wether this was a prank or a horrible dream. So, you awkwardly sat on Wanda's lap. "Is this okay?"

Wanda sighed, shifting you into a fetus position. You weren't quite sure what was happening but for the sake of Wanda, you just stayed quiet.

"Aren't you a dream." Wanda whispered, as she drew her finger down the bridge of your nose stopping when she reached your lips. "So plumped. Who's cock you been sucking, bunny?"

You blinked, marvelled by the question "I haven't done that before."

"Virgin?" Wanda asked.

You nodded, eyes focused on your fingers.

"So no one has got to play with you?" Wanda smirked, as ideas started to formulate in her mind.

"What do you need from me, Ms?" You impatiently asked, wanting to get out of this weird conversation.

Wanda laughed, she found it adorable that you automatically changed the question. "Since you rudely pointed out that my breasts were leaking, embarrassing me. Don't you think that the least you can do is clean it up."

You eyes widened at the request. "I don't think that appropriate... I should get going."

Wanda shifted in her seat, and placed her hand on your face squishing it tight. "Then you shouldn't of embarrassed me, bunny."

"I-I didn't. No one was in the room." You tried to say but Wanda gripped your face harder.

"Are you talking back to me?" Wanda spat, and used her other hand to pull your hair.

Tears formed in your eyes as Wanda turned you over so you were facing her chest. You knew that you weren't going to get out of this unless you did what Wanda wanted. You didn't say anything and Wanda let your hair go as she removed her shirt.

Wanda wasn't wearing a bra, so her tits were right in your face. You could see the milk leaking out and you wasn't sure where to begin. You took a deep breath but before you could exhale, Wanda took matters in her own hands forcing you to latch onto her breasts.

"I want you to suck on both quietly whilst I'll mark this papers. I don't want to see a single drop leave your mouth." Wanda warned, giving your bum a little slap. "Get to work, bunny."

You weren't exactly sure what approach to take, so you began to suck on her tip softly knowing that she was probably sensitive. You worked your tongue around the nip, sucking more than you was a minute ago.

"For someone who hasn't sucked anything before, you sure know how." Wanda praised which made your cheek flare a little.

Minutes past and you happened to get into a pattern that Wanda seemed to enjoy so you carried on sucking but you were harder as you started to feel a buzz every time you swallowed.

"Relax, bunny. We don't want you to choke on Mommy's tits do we?" Wanda cooed, as she began to run her fingers down your back. "Slowly, baby."

You listened to her command and slow down the pace. You were already full but Wanda wasn't empty. You started to feel a little restless after Wanda noticed that you haven't even began to start on her other tit.

"Is my baby getting tired?" Wanda whispered, leaving a gently kiss on your cheek. "You better not fall asleep whilst the other is full, bunny.."

You let your mouth pop as Wanda pulled you away from her breast. "Look at you, you are so full of Mommy's milk. You reckon you can fit some more in?"

You weren't exactly formulated words due to the praising Wanda was giving you.

"You don't want Mommy to be left leaking do you? Especially after embarrassing her?"

You shook your head, opting Wanda to position you again.

"Such a dumb little baby. You need Mommy to help you?"

You mumbled a yes and Wanda chuckled at how your attitude changed. "Is that why you were cranky before, baby? You didn't have any milk? You should have told me, bunny."

Wanda lightly put your lips to her other breasts and you immediately latched on, wrapping your fingers around her hand as she carefully moved her fingers up and down your stomach.

"Always tell Mommy what you need, okay? I'm going to look after you since no one has bothered to claim you." Wanda whispered as you sucked on her nip.

A few moments passed and Wanda noticed that you were relatively silent and could hear soft snores coming from your mouth. She chuckled as she noticed that you fell into a slumber. Wanda looked down at your belly, noticing it become a little larger than it was before.

"Sweet dreams, bunny." Wanda cooed, and gently placed a small kiss to your stomach. "So beautiful."

#wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff imagines #wanda maximoff smut #wanda maximoff one shots #mommy!wanda #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x fem!reader #wanda maximoff fic

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feelingpoorly · 3 months

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Life lesson: avoid expired egg noodles

So I usually post whiny attention seeking shit like this on my insta bc even tho my kink does not apply to me at all, in some weird way complaining about how ill and knowing people would see it still kinda turns me on a little

But I figured what better place to whine about it here instead since, idk this is kinda what this blog is for

So we went to the shop last night and got a bunch of food from the reduced section. We do this fairly regularly cuz the expired food is so cheap and it’s usually fine if you eat it same day

Well I learnt my lesson lol. Amongst one of the things we got a couple packs of fresh egg noodles in some sauce. I didn’t really like them, but store bought is never gonna be as good as the real thing anyway right?

I was snacking on some cereal at like midnight, having eaten these noodles at like 7. I noticed that I was getting pretty severe stomach pain in the top of my stomach. It was weird and I didn’t really understand why. However I had taken some prescription painkillers earlier that day and although I take a different medication with them to try and stop this happening, they can have a habit of wrecking my stomach and giving me a tummy ache. I thought it was weird, since I definitely HAD remembered to take them with the other med this time, but whatever

Anyway I woke up this morning, we were going out to meet up with some of my partners friends for coffee. I immediately realised I felt bloated as hell, like painfully so. I figured it would pass once I was up and moving around.

It did not.

It pretty quickly progressed into pretty severe stomach cramps, to the point where every time I stood up, it would cramp so hard I couldn’t stop myself from kinda curling over and wincing. At that point I was starting to worry something was actually wrong and I wasn’t just a bit bloated.

I quite quickly started feeling pretty sick, and that’s panic territory for me, being emetophobic. I took a dissolvable anti sickness tablet, but the nausea combined with the horrible cramping made me feel very unwell. I really felt awful and sick and at that point I had to say to my partner, if I say I don’t feel well please can you just take me home. I didn’t know how I was gonna cope sitting in a coffee shop feeling like this. When the cramps hit I was in a lot of pain. Bearing in mind I live with chronic pain, I’m not a baby about pain, but this was the kind of pain that you just wince voluntarily and I couldn’t hide it.

Thankfully the anti sickness meds kicked in, and after sitting down for a while the nausea and the cramps settled down a bit to the point where I was no longer freaking out about being ill in public. I should probably add here that on the way there in the car, my stomach was making some really upset sounding deep rumbling gurgles. Like it didn’t sound good. The kinda gurgles that only come with being sick. I didn’t feel well enough to have a drink or anything to eat which probably looked a little suss. Later on a got just a bottle of lemonade hoping it would settle my stomach but when I sipped it, it just make it worse and my stomach started cramping again.

Skip to being home this evening, I’d thought the worse was over and I’d been feeling kinda ok. I had some light dinner, and what a fucking bad idea that was lol.

Im not having the intermittent intense cramps anymore but like, now my whole stomach feels bloated af again and I have like this sharp cramping pain kinda all over, both upper and lower stomach with just no relief. I’m so bloated my stomach is sticking out but there’s no relief from it at all. Holding my stomach helps but I feel so embarrassed so I’ve tried to hide it and only rub my tummy when my partner went to sleep.

What makes it worse, is that up until this point I had no idea what caused any of this. But when we got home, there was an absolutely rancid smell in the kitchen that smelt like off, rotting food. It was absolutely foul. It almost even smelt like vomit, and just smelling it made my nausea kick off all over again.

It was the leftover noodles. And let me tell you, they smelt pungent as FUCK. I literally ate those last night, and they smell that bad today? No wonder I’ve felt ill. I have that shit in my stomach. Even after my partner bagged up the leftovers, sealed it and put it in the bin, just the PLATE they were on is still emitting this foul smell, it’s just awful

Eating dinner was a bad choice, because now I just feel worse again. I don’t feel that sick anymore, probably because of the meds, but my stomach feels horrible again. I’m in so much pain, I can’t suck my tummy in at all with how sore and bloated and painful it is. I feel like an absolutely pathetic self indulgent lil bitch but I literally just went to make myself a hot water bottle to hold to my tummy as I try and sleep, because it hurts and this is not fun. I just want some relief, and currently nothing else is helping. As I’m lying here holding my tummy with one hand and holding the hot water bottle on it with the other, it’s gurgling and glugging really loudly sickly again and it just feels awful. I can literally feel it in my insides, and with the way it feels I just really hope it doesn’t all come back up again, probably still along with the undigested noodles from last night if the way I’m feeling is anything to go by 🥺

Anyway, I just came here to complain about it in way too much detail lmao. Hopefully someone enjoys my misery. As I said, although it’s embarrassing as hell, somehow the thought of other people knowing or being sympathetic etc is also kinda hot

If anyone wants to use my sorry ass as fic inspo then ofc you have my blessing lmao. In fact, if you do, PLEASE let me know as I’d love to read it haha

Anyway, off to moan quietly to myself and hold the hot water bottle on my aching tummy now x

#sickfic #emeto #emetophilia #emeto kink #sickfic ideas #sickfic prompt #emeto blog #sick #irl sickfic #food poisoning #irl tummy ache #tummy ache #irl emeto #emeto storytime

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soft--dragon · 1 year

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Brother From Another Batch

First Bad Batch fic!! I love the show sm :D This features Echo and Crosshair, and I shouldn't have to say this but I will: SHIPPERS DNI THESE GUYS ARE BROTHERS. DONT BE NASTY >:(

This is set before the official Bad Batch series, about a month after Echo joins the team!

Word Count: 2512

Warnings: Semi-detailed self deprecation, past trauma, and panic attack but it gets fluffy pretty quickly :)

This is a SFW tickle fic, if you don’t like that then don’t read :)

It was one of those tougher days.

Echo was sitting on the edge of his rack, elbows pressed into the chilling metal of his legs, one of his heels bouncing against the floor. His hands were intertwined and resting in front of his mouth, thumbs pressed on the underside of his chin. It was a mirror image of what Tech did when he was lost in thought. Due to living with this new batch of clones for about a month and a half now, it made sense that Echo was starting to copy some of the Batch’s behaviours. The first time he did Hunter's signature 'I am too tired for this™' speech to tell off Tech and Crosshair for squabbling, Wrecker laughed so hard he almost cried, and Hunter light-heartedly accused him of being a copy-cat.

Currently, the others were all out; "A mandatory supply run," they had said before departing. Well, everyone except Crosshair who wasn’t in the mood to deal with anybody at the moment. So that left Echo alone in the sleeping quarters, subjected to his spiralling mental health that had been a swinging pendulum as of late, never remaining stable for longer than a few days. He hated it, and he hated inconveniencing the Batch even more. They had taken him in and given him a place amongst a group of misfits, but he doubted they counted on his mental state being as terrible as it was.

The chill of his legs was leeching the warmth from his one organic limb, making Echo bring his arms away from his knees, gripping them together against his chest. The metal prosthetics felt too cold against his scarred skin, and his thoughts were spiralling faster than he could control them.

The Techno Union, the Citadel explosion, his lost batch mates, the regs no longer trusting him, the weird looks, the whispers, the night terrors…

Echo gripped at his head, wincing at the feeling of the cybernetic tech piece wrapped around his skull. Wrong. It was all wrong. He wanted out. Out of the metal prosthetics, out of this body, out of this suffocating room-

Something heavy and soft suddenly dropped over his shoulders, wrenching a startled gasp out of him as he jolted to look up. Crosshair was standing at his side with a flat expression.

“Breathe Reg, you’re going to pass out,” he sniped, crouching down beside the rack that Echo was sitting on. “I don’t want to have to catch you if you fall.”

Echo stared at the sniper, his one hand curling into the fabric draped over him, then it clicked; it was a weighted blanket. Hunter’s one specifically for when his senses overwhelmed him and he needed a way to ground himself from the harsh stimulation. His grip tightened on the material immediately and he bowed his head, forcing himself to take in air that sounded horribly wheezy.

“Breathe in for four seconds.”

The quiet instruction made Echo look at Crosshair who had his lips set in a hard line, eyes studying the ARC trooper in an equitable manner. He huffed out a short breath when Echo still hadn’t listened and pointed his toothpick at the clone.

“Breathe in for four seconds, Reg,” he repeated in an anodyne voice. “You actually will pass out if you don’t.”

Realising how tight his chest had become, Echo choked and took in a trembling breath. Crosshair held up his fingers in time with the seconds passing, and upon reaching four, he spoke again. “Hold for seven seconds.”

Crosshair counted down with his hands again, keeping them in Echo’s view so he could count with him. Upon reaching zero, Crosshair murmured, “breathe out for eight.”

Echo followed the instruction, hearing the tremble of his breath as it was released and worriedly glanced at Crosshair. The sniper gave a small nod. “Repeat it.”

Wordlessly, Echo did so, going through the breathing exercise the best he could. Crosshair kept counting on his fingers, hearing Echo’s breathing to maintain the pattern, though his gaze was on the floor to give Echo some privacy. When Echo’s breaths became smoother and lost the wheeze, Crosshair dropped his hand and lifted his gaze to the cybernetic clone.

Echo had his eyes squeezed shut, teeth obviously clenched together. “S-Sorry for this, I don’t mean for it to happen… I don’t mean to be a b-burden.”

Crosshair was quiet at his side for a moment, watching with half lidded eyes and a toothpick between his teeth. “You’re fine.” He replied quietly. “It’s expected after what you went through. No one is mad at you for having justified reactions to trauma.” His nasally voice was an anchor for Echo to latch onto, keeping him on the Marauder and not into the pit that was his mental consciousness. “Just keep breathing, Reg, Hunter will kill me if you die.”

A stuttered chuckle left Echo and his eyes fluttered open, tipping his head to give Crosshair a weak smile. “D-Don’t worry, I’ll save you that trouble.”

“Appreciated,” Crosshair answered back cooly, not drawing attention to the stutter in Echo’s voice. He interlocked his hands together from where they were draped over his knees. “You dizzy at all? Any headaches?”

The ARC trooper gave a small shrug, exhaling slowly and taking a big breath in before he responded. “Not really, just kinda floaty. I’ll be okay.”

Crosshair was quiet for a moment then dipped his head to the side as he next spoke. “What spurred it this time?”

Echo’s wince was obvious. “Just a bad day.” He offered stiffly.

“Are you going to be alright?”

“Y-Yeah. Should be.”

“...Good.”

Though he hadn’t spent very long with them yet, Echo had started to pick up on the Bad Batch’s mannerisms, and that included speech patterns. He thought he caught a slight touch of relief in the man’s voice. He glanced at the sniper, his lips perking slightly despite the mellowness of his mood. “Are you worried about me or something, Crosshair?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

His expression was as flat as ever, but Echo could see the slight concerned flicker in his eyes. Echo’s smile became more genuine and he exhaled a small laugh, looking at the floor to avoid Crosshair’s gaze that instantly turned to him at the sound.

“Something funny, Reg?” His eyebrow lifted in question, toothpick shifting to the opposite side of his mouth when he spoke.

Echo shook his head, his grip on the weighted blanket loosening so his knuckles weren’t going white from the pressure. “No,” he hummed, his gentle grin remaining despite his words. “Just didn’t expect you to be a big softie is all.”

Crosshair’s eyelid twitched marginally, and the toothpick went still. “Pardon?”

Where this big surge of confidence came from, Echo had no idea, but he was gonna ride it out while Crosshair was still in a good mood. “Wrecker said you were a sweetheart, but I didn’t believe him.”

The enhanced clone was silent for a moment, then he answered snidely. “...He’s wrong.”

Oh, in the name of the Force, Crosshair couldn’t lie for shit. Echo looked him straight in the eyes, his mood taking a surprising turn into ‘chaos lane’, which he definitely preferred instead of ‘depression road’.

Innocently, Echo inquired, “You sure? Cause I thought you hated Regs.”

“I do.”

“Then why give me Hunter’s weighted blanket and help me out of a panic attack?”

“I’m not a complete asshole I’ll have you know.”

“So I’ve realised, shocking isn’t it?”

Crosshair held his gaze for a long while. He then slipped the tooth pick out of his mouth and flicked it away. “Are you still in heavy discomfort, Reg?”

Echo arched a brow in suspicion. The concern was gone, and there was a new glint in Crosshair’s eyes, he couldn’t place what it was though. “No, not anymore,” he replied warily.

Crosshair smiled, and it sent a chill down Echo’s spine. “Good.”

And then, without warning, he lunged forwards and tackled Echo down onto the rack.

Ah. That glint in his eyes was for murder.

Echo immediately went on the defensive, a startled laugh bursting free as Crosshair tussled with him, trying to pin him down. The sudden playfulness was unexpected from the stoic trooper, but it wasn’t unwelcome. It threw Echo back into the old times with Fives, and it was a good distraction from his spiralling from earlier.

“Crosshair, what the hell are you doing?!” Echo wheezed, his laughter blending with his words and making his movements weaker than they already were with the added weight of the blanket still covering him, and fatigue of his previous anxiety attack.

“Take back what you said about me being a softie,” Crosshair hissed, a smirk lifting his lips as he tried to not let Echo’s contagious laughter spread to him.

“I’m not wrong though!”

“Do it, Reg. I am not above using heinous methods.”

Echo grinned, locking hands with the sniper and trying to push him off, while his scomp pressed flat against the man’s chest. ”Give it your best shot, Crossy.”

Crosshair’s whole face screwed up like he’d eaten a lemon and that only made Echo laugh harder, his strength sapped further from the force of his cackles and allowing Crosshair the upper hand.

“You’re gonna regret that, Reg,” Crosshair growled, and to Echo’s surprise and horror, the sniper’s hand holding the scomp dropped to drill into the clone’s underarm.

The sound that left Echo was downright unearthly, his startled shriek falling into a wild fit of laughter as he tried to curl into a ball and fight Crosshair off at the same time. The reaction was a surprise to the sniper, he’d expected some ticklishness, but this was about enough to rival Hunter or Tech. Echo was reduced to a state of laughter and squirming limbs, a complete mess due to his nervous system being attacked mercilessly.

“You best hope our enemies don’t find out about this,” Crosshair snarked, his playful smirk unable to be hidden now. “You’ll be Sarlacc food in an instant.”

“P-Pihihiss ohohoff!” Echo retorted through hysteric giggles, trying to push Crosshair back with his hand that was still locked with the sniper’s.

“Oh? You’re trying to fight back? Trying to get away? Heh, nope.” Crosshair’s hand slipped out of Echo’s and dropped to prod quickly along the ARC trooper’s ribs, tweaking some here and there. Echo yelped loudly at the sudden attack, his free hand now torn between shoving Crosshair’s fingers away and trying to shove at the man himself.

“You’re a strategist right, Reg? This counter attack doesn't seem very tactical.” Crosshair’s dry commentary only served to make Echo more giggly, his chest lighter in a way that it hadn’t been in a long time.

“Crohohoss! Shuhuhut ihihit!”

“You never learn do you?”

Crosshair’s hands shifted to test out Echo’s stomach and hips, dragging up his civilian shirt to show the pale skin just before where the prosthetics started. Echo was too busy giggling to realise the fate about to befall him, which caused Crosshair to smirk wickedly before he lightly dragged his nails across the soft, exposed flesh. Instantly, Echo’s legs kicked out and he threw his head back, bright, youthful laughter bursting free.

“Hmm. Bad spot then?”

“YEHEHES!” Echo wheezed, smacking at Crosshair’s fingers desperately to try and get rid of the horribly tingly sensations crawling all over his waistline.

“You do have a way out of this, remember?” Crosshair reminded, scratching quickly at Echo’s hip and snickering when the ARC trooper gave a screech, bending in a way that did not seem possible to try and avoid the sniper’s nails. “You’re only trapped for long as you choose to be.”

Echo managed to get in a smack to Crosshair’s forearm, just to be a little shit. He didn’t want to admit it, but this kind of messing around, it made him feel… human. He thought the Techno Union had robbed him of his humanity and everything that came along with it. Being able to process things, feel things, the ability to exist, they had all been altered in some way or another. But this? This felt normal. It felt just like it used to with his old squad, and Echo couldn’t be happier about it.

Although… he was reaching his limits because Crosshair wouldn’t leave his goddamn soft spot alone. He finally cracked.

“Mercy! Mehehehercy! Cross plehehease!” He gasped out, his stamina lacking from what it used to be after all that time with the Techno Union.

Crosshair’s hummed in contemplation, though he did lighten his touch to simple tracing and pokes. “You gonna take it back?”

Echo wheezed and nodded, grinning up at the sniper through watery eyes. “Ihihi wihihill! Juhust stohop!”

Crosshair chuckled and eased up entirely, getting off of the ARC trooper and pulling the weighted blanket back so it wasn’t keeping the clone down. Though Echo remained flat on his back, trying to pull in great gulps of stolen air while giggles intertwined with his efforts.

The enhanced clone huffed another chuckle in amusement. “You’re still laughing, Echo?”

There was a gentle kick to his leg from one of Echo’s metal prosthetics. “Shut uhuhup.”

Rolling his eyes, Crosshair settled against the wall of the ship, waiting patiently for Echo to get himself under control again, though he could tell it might take the clone a while. Out of pure curiosity, he asked, “Did this kind of thing happen a lot with your old batch?”

Echo huffed a small laugh, rubbing at his eyes that had gathered moisture from the laugh attack. “All the time,” he admitted, smiling at the rack above his own with bittersweet nostalgia. “The boys would gang up on me constantly, it was completely unfair.”

Crosshair smiled. “Oh don’t worry, the others and I will make it a habit again.”

Echo slung his arm over his eyes with a protesting groan, but Crosshair saw how his smile was still there. He leaned over and prodded Echo’s side again, taking satisfaction in the high pitched yelp that burst from the clone.

“You still haven’t said it, you know.” He didn’t really care about being called a softie if he was being honest, he knew his actions spoke more than words, but he wanted to drag this out.

Echo glared at him, and then lifted his scomp up horizontally to point at Crosshair.

The sniper looked at it in contemplative bemusement. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“I’m flipping you off.”

That startled an incredulous laugh out of the sniper, his eyes playfully narrowing once more. “Okay you motherkriffer, apparently you need a round two.”

“Wait- wait, it was a joke- CrosshAHAHAIR! Nohohot agahahain!”

Crosshair, who had slung an arm around Echo’s neck and yanked him against his chest, clawed at Echo’s sides and stomach again, smirking at the peals of bright laughter that spilled free of the trooper.

‘You’re gonna be just fine with us, Echo,’ he thought, fondness bleeding through no matter how much he tried to ignore it. ‘You’ll never have to be afraid again.’

#my fanfic #the bad batch #fanfic #lee!echo #ler!crosshair #i miss crosshair #go back to your family bro #i am in dire need of seeing echo actually having to cope with his trauma #so i did it myself #just crosshair looking out for their newest brother #mr filoni let me be a part of the BB writing team i will give the fans all the found-family fluff they want #bad batch tickle #star wars tickle

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justcallmesolll · 9 months

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My silly little top tens

yeen rambles #10

stealing this idea from the wonderful @whitestorm4prez bc originality is dead!!!!!!!!!!

anyways ive only read the first arc but most of the major shit was spoiled for me on the internet.

#10 Thrushpelt. i love him!! he's such a nice guy. i feel really bad for him for his one-sided love of Bluestar. she missed out frfr. but even when Bluestar makes it super clear she doesnt like him, does he hold a grudge? no. does he resent her? no. what does he do? become her friend instead. amazing man.

#9 Darkstripe. i think he's both the most hilarious and fucking balling my eyes out sad villain ever at the same time. dude just got fucked over most of his life. i mean i find him sily because every time he tries something, it fails horribly. but at the same time, he's got fucking no-one. he's alone. no friends, nothing. the one guy he trusted with his life turns out to not even care about him at all. i mean seeing him scramble to revive what little there is left of tigerstars plan, seeing everyone leave him, him realising that nobody was truly on his side. his last moments preaching for a dead man who never cared for him. his life being over like that. he never did anything meaningful, and he died like that. im gonna write more abt this a some point but yea!!

#8 Tallstar. his character arc is one of the most heartwarming things ever. yes, he was a shitty leader, but do ya know what? he grew as a person. he changed and made himself better. i also think him and Jake r cute and i LOVE the headcannon that he thought fireheart was jake coming to save him and his clan.

#7 Bluestar. RIGHT OK. i know i say i hate her but by god how can i not like her at the same time???? i mean all her life was just horrible shit. and she stuck through it. i know she was a real bitch coming towards the end of her life, but she stayed, stone faced and understanding to most cats around her. tigerclaw was just the straw that broke the camel's back. but most of her life she was so awesome.

#6 Cloudtail. i think hes such a silly guy!!! he's a big hot-headed atheist!!! silly guy. him and brightheart are so cute together. and yea thats it literally hes just silly thats why i like him

#5 Longtail. I LOVE HIM SM OMGGG the fan service he gets is so good. but the most important thing is his character arc. from being a bully, but all round loyal cat, to desprately trying to prove his loyalty to firestar by any means possible. longtail thinks that firestar sees him as disloyal, but firestar proves him wrong, asking him to come on the journey with him the relationship between them is so nice to see.

#4 Greystripe. what a guy. hes amazing. he puts up with firheart way more than he should have to. i mean fire is a straight up dick to him alot of the time and he sticks with him like a loyal friend. i love him hehehe

#3 Ashfur. if u cant tell already, i like villains. i like Ashfur alot actually. cant help feeling bad for him. mans had a rough time. grew up without a mother, was practically ignored by his mentor, when he finally found someone who gave him a little attention who does undeniably treat him like her mate, she just turns around and goes "yeah no lol i was just w u to make brambleclaw jealous lmao." he was plunked right on his head and left alone with no-one to care about him. the only person who slightly cared about him was his sister, and she was too caught up in her own shit to help. its the sticky feeling you have knowing that if he were just cared for right, he could have turned out just fine. instead, he was neglected and left to become what he did.

#2 Hawkfrost. i love the fan service hawk gets honestly. im a huge fan of the artwork he gets. hes cool. i like the idea of him feeling the need to prove himself to his father. but yea hes just cool thats why i like him tbh.

#1 to absolutely no-ones surprise, my #1 fave warriors character, is SOL. hes so silly. but no fr, hes the funniest fucking villain ever. he sucks ass at being a fucking warrior and he comes accross the clans and is just like "yea yk what im gonna fuck with em." he literally gaslight gatekeep girlbosses all 4 of the clans and he actually gets away with it. i also just like his whole asthetic, and THE FUCKING FAN SERICE HE GETS???? HOLY SHIT ITS SO COOL. i swear you cant make Sol fanart look bad bc hes just so fuckin cool. silly little guy!!

#yeenrambles #warrior cats #warriors #wcue #wc #funny #longtail #sol #hawkfrost #bluestar #ashfur #thrushpelt #darkstripe #fireheart #greystripe #cloudtail #tallstar #bluefur #talltail

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anyoneseenadam · 3 years

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omg can u do smth about the inner circle finding out about reader and azriel’s relationship? maybe they’ve been like secretly dating for a while! ily <3

pairing: Azriel x reader (acotar)

warnings: butt ton of fluff

a/n: i made this a part two to this fic! but it can be read separately, i love az sm so i hope you enjoy!! (this has not been proofread sorry lol)

------------------------------------——————————

A week later you were invited up to the house of wind. Azriel was swamped with work and missed you, and since he stayed there most the time he had dragged you in with him.

Currently you were lying in his bed, curled around a long pillow, and sleeping, wearing one of his shirts and your panties while he trained. He had promised you he would introduce you all soon but so far you had been sneaking about the house. A task that was easy for the spymaster, but less so for you.

He had tried to treat it like a holiday. Sneaking you down to the kitchen to bake cookies at midnight and spending nights on the roof, pointing out constellations.

When you had first arrived Azriel had explained what was going on with Nesta and Cassian as he snuck you in. While you were walking up, giggling behind one hand, the other tightly clasped in Azriel’s warm calloused hand, you had run into Nesta. Your eyes had widened meeting her, stomach dropping as she sized you up and down.

“Nesta,” Azriel’s voice calmed you slightly as you wrapped both hands around one of his, moving behind him ever so slightly. “This is my girlfriend; we’ve been dating for about six months and you cannot tell Cassian.”

She had smiled then and reached a hand out to shake yours, “am I the first to find out then?” she asked and you nodded.

“I’m (y/n).” You muttered, some confidence coming back.

“Pleasure to meet you, if you ever need someone to bitch too about him come to my room,” she left with a warm smile and you laughed, turning to Azriel.

“I like her,” you said, and he looked down at you frowning.

“Why would you need to bitch about me?” he asked, and you kissed his pout away, pulling his hand to continue onwards.

“Probably cause you smell.” He jabbed your side before picking you up and carrying you over his shoulder into his room, dumping you on the bed and crawling over you.

“Horrible girl,” he muttered, pressing kisses into your neck as he ground his hips down into yours. You giggled into his mouth; the rest of the day spent tangled up in him.

The next few days after that were relaxing. He was always away first thing to train, but you weren’t going to complain when he came back stripping of his clothes, sweaty and flushed but always holding a coffee for you.

The rest of the day would be spent either flying out to walk around shops and see markets in other courts, or sometimes flying over mountains, safe and secure in Azriel’s arms. The day before he had prepared a picnic and taken you to a beautiful field, smiling as you pointed out different kinds of flowers, before he picked a gerbera daisy and pushing it behind your ear, then kissing you so hard you almost fell over.

You woke slightly when Azriel returned, his heart warming when he saw you dozing, engulfed in his scent. He put your coffee next to you and you muttered something inaudible to him, snuggling further into his pillow and smiling sleepily when he pressed a kiss to your head, eyes never opening. He sat by you for a minute and pushed the hair away from your face before deciding he was going to bring you breakfast.

He pressed another kiss to your head before standing, quickly replacing his sweaty clothes, and leaving the room, letting you sleep in. His mind so filled with thoughts of his pretty girl and the smile she would give him when she woke up that he didn’t notice that Cassian wasn’t in the kitchen at his usual time.

You on the other hand noticed it pretty quickly, waking suddenly when the door slammed open, a man’s voice that you didn’t recognise asking your absent lover a question.

The well-built man stopped suddenly when you sat up in bed, his mouth opening and closing like a fish as he tried to work out what to say.

“You’re not Azriel.” He stated, realising that the strange girl he saw was covered in his brothers’ scent. And was wearing his brothers’ clothes. And drinking coffee from his brothers’ mug.

“Yes I am.” You said on impulse, shaking your head at your own stupidity but relaxing when the man you presumed was Cassian relaxed.

“Who are you?” he asked, a smile breaking out on his face when he realised who you were.

“Umm I’m (y/n), Azriel’s girlfriend.” You sat up straighter, pulling the covers tighter over you as you realised you were half dressed.

Cassian’s eyes lit up and he ran to your side, sitting in front of you and cheering. “Tell me everything! How did you guys meet? What do you do? How long have you been together?” he bombarded you with questions and you laughed nervously, silently preying that Azriel would return soon.

“Uhh we’ve been together for about six months and I own a flower shop, that’s where we met,” you explained to him when the door flew open again, another tall, dark haired man running in with three women. You recognised your high lord and lady and blushed bright red as they stared at you, smiling so widely.

“We came as fast as we could.” Rhys explained, introducing himself, his wife and Amren and Morrigan. They all crowded you and you moved back slightly, feeling the panic rise in you as they all asked you a million questions.

They were all kind, but so excited that their friend had gotten a girlfriend they were acting slightly insane. You tried to answer their questions, but they were coming so fast that your breathing began to pick up slightly, insecurities rising as you realised that you had just woken up. Your hair was probably a mess, and you hadn’t even washed your face, and you were in an old t-shirt and probably smelt bad.

You looked up when Azriel walked in, his eyes widening at the sight of his entire family in your room.

“What are you guys doing?” he asked as his family turned to him instead, asking him a million questions, Cassian practically in tears that he hadn’t been told.

You jumped when you felt a hand on your arm, turning to see Feyre smiling at you, “I’m sorry if we freaked you out a bit,” she said and you went to deny but she continued, “it can be a but much I know I went through similar, except for me it wasn’t eight in the morning!” her voice raised at the end and Rhysand turned around sheepishly.

“You’re right, my deepest apologies,” he said, still unable to keep the smile off his face, “Come to ours for dinner this evening.”

You smiled at him, nodding as your knee bounced to get rid of the anxious energy, muttering goodbye as Feyre and Rhys dragged their family out the room.

“I love you!” Cassian called over his shoulder and you laughed, eyes filling with tears you were trying to hold back.

“Cauldron baby I’m so sorry, are you okay?” Azriel asked and you nodded at him laughing at yourself as you cried.

“I’m okay, really. They were all so nice.” You assured him as he put down the tray he was holding and wrapping his arms around you.

“Then why are you crying?” he asked, his hands gentle as they wiped the stray tears.

“I cry at everything, the other day I cried because someone said they liked my dress,” you laughed and he shook his head, laughing with you.

“You’re in touch with your emotions,” he reasoned,

“I’m a baby. A baby with no social skills that gets overwhelmed very easily,” His shoulders shook with laughter as he lay the two of you down, “I haven’t even had my coffee yet and that was so much social interaction.” You complained, wiping your eyes as you calmed down.

He smiled down at you, kissing your forehead gently, “Are you up for seeing them properly tonight?” he asked, holding you so gently.

“Yeah it’ll be nice,” you assured him, “plus I do think me, and Cassian have to discuss our shared love for you. I think we might start a fan club.”

Azriel laughed, “If you say so.”

“I really do by the way. Love you I mean. Like I love you so much it makes me stupid, when I’m bored I just think about you and things we could do, and it makes me so happy.” You raised yourself up to look down at him as you spoke, pressing a soft kiss to his lips as he smiled dopily up at you.

“I love you so ridiculously much too.” You sat up together, your back pressed against his chest as he passed you your coffee and the breakfast he had prepared the two of you.

The stress of tonight could come later, you were just content to spend the rest of your morning in his arms.

#acofas #acotar #azriel #acomaf #azriel x reader #acowar #acofs #acosf #rhysand

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nctsjiho · 3 years

Text

Resolve [Part 2 of ‘Explode’]

Click here for part 1

warnings: none, it’s just a bit longer and the angst of part 1 continues so...

❀ Taeyong decides it’s time for Dream and JiHo to make an end to their fight

JiHo had spent the night over at WayV’s dorm. The chance of seeing Haechan after practise had ended wasn’t one she was willing to take. Johnny had sent Haechan over to the Dream dorm since he wanted the boys to reflect on what they had done and find a way to fix it. He was also slightly agitated and didn’t want to risk yelling at Haechan if he started whining.

A bit after JiHo had left the practise room, the dance instructor came back and had asked where the girl was and why everyone was looking so down. Doyoung had to explain the whole situation which brought the mood down even more. The rest of practise was a nightmare. It felt like it was never going to end. It also made some of the boys realise how JiHo not being there didn’t make much of a difference visually. Realising how JiHo literally wasn’t in any of the unit groups besides the OT24 group dance and some B-tracks which were never going to be performed live. But not having her there did still hurt, it just didn’t feel right.

Mark had checked up on Dream before heading back to his dorm. They all seemed to be coping with the aftermath differently. The unit’s leader wanted to help, but he also knew the boys were old enough to figure it out by themselves. This wasn’t just a small fight and he didn’t want to get too involved.

At WayV’s dorm things weren’t much better. JiHo had found her place in Ten’s bed, the older boy coming to check on her every so often. She didn’t really talk and at a glance she looked like she was going to be just fine, but the next morning she looked horrible. She didn’t get a wink of sleep and Ten knew, but whenever he tried talking to her she just shrugged him off.

They had breakfast together, Lucas and Yangyang trying to cheer her up with some jokes and when she finally smiled for a second the taller one didn’t hesitate to attack her with a hug. “JiHo please talk to us.” He whined burying his head in the crook of her neck. The girl just sighed and continued playing with the food Kun had prepared for her. “Lucas, let her be for a second.” The oldest said patting Lucas on the shoulder. “Please eat something okay? You haven’t touched any of your food yet.” He tried to coax her into eating and she just nodded before taking her first bite.

There were two options: One, have Dream and JiHo fix their problems on their own accord and suffering the possibility that the fight would not be resolved for months. Which would in turn take a toll on their practise and sabotage their comebacks, team work and a lot more for the whole group. Or two, do like they always have. Involve themselves in their problems to try and fix it as a whole group.

As all of NCT gathered in the practise room, Taeyong had made the choice by himself. Mark had noticed someone wasn’t there yet. “Where’s the choreographer?” He asked and everyone started to notice as well. “He’s coming in 2 hours.” Taeyong said walking to the middle of the room. “Why are we here then? I could’ve gotten at least another hour of sleep.” Lucas whined which earned him a slap to the arm from Kun. “Sit down kids, we have some work to do.”

Everyone had gathered around Taeyong in a circle, all clearly confused. He then looked at the Dream members who all looked like they either had been crying for hours last night or if they just rolled out of bed after a horrible night of sleep. He motioned for them to sit in the middle of the circle with a finger. They all hesitantly moved over to where Taeyong pointed. The leader’s gaze than settled on JiHo, who surprisingly looked a lot less dead. Taeyong however knew she wasn’t doing so hot because of the updates he received from WayV ever since she decided to sleep over at their dorm.

Without having to say anything she sat down facing the Dream members, her eyes holding no emotion. “Isn’t this a bit unfair? 6 against 1?” She chuckled sarcastically. Taeyong rolled his eyes. “I think what’s unfair is that the fight between the seven of you is bringing down the whole team. Don’t you agree?” JiHo wasn’t one to raise her voice but the leader’s words just didn’t sit right with her. “Excuse me? You act like I did something wrong. I’m the one who got accused for something I didn’t do! I’m the one who had 6 people screaming at me, acting like I’m the bad guy here! And I saw it in your guys’ eyes yesterday that you were starting to think it was true! I-” She stopped herself when she noticed what she was doing. JiHo had stood up and was yelling at their leader, everyone shocked at the sudden (but not surprising) outburst. “I’m sorry.” She gritted her teeth before sitting down again.

Taeyong had to admit that it was wrong of him to act the way he did. JiHo clearly didn’t do anything wrong, but just because this was now a known fact and the misunderstanding had been cleared up, didn’t mean that the conflict was solved. There was still a lot of tension between the two parties and it wasn’t going to get better if they didn’t address it.

“JiHo we’re sorry-” Renjun started, but Haechan quickly interjected. “It’s all my fault. I just heard you talk to Johnny and heard Jisung’s name and then you started talking about a maknae and I just jumped to conclusions, I shouldn’t have. I should’ve asked, but I was too mad...” JiHo couldn’t make eye contact with any of the boys. Jisung spoke up. “I do trust you JiHo, it’s just that-” “How could you say that if you just believed Haechan anyway? You should’ve asked me first.” It was the first time JiHo’s voice had given in. She sounded so hurt and it made all the members feel horrible. “I know... I didn’t believe Haechan at first, but he also wouldn’t lie to me so I felt conflicted.” It was silent for a bit.

“I just felt like no one was on my side. At least you guys have each other...” The older boys couldn’t watch this anymore, it was such a stupid thing to fight about but the implications were so much more serious. The lack of trust, feeling lonely even while having so many people around. “JiHo, you know I knew the truth.” Johnny spoke up. She didn’t dare to look at him. “We didn’t know that you felt that way.” Jaemin added. “But you just got mad at me without telling me why. Starting to ignore me and look at me like you hated me, and no one said anything. And I know it was so obvious that there was something going on but no one tried bringing it up. You all just waited for someone to explode and for us to start fighting.” JiHo was now talking to the older members. “I- I don’t know, I just felt like I wasn’t part of NCT anymore-” With that Haechan, Jisung and Renjun started bawling their eyes out. The damage they did was even worse than they initially thought. “Don’t say that.” Renjun’s voice hitched. He inhaled deeply after each word as if he forgot how to breath.

The other boys had to do everything they could to hold themselves back from going to comfort the younger members, they still had to talk everything through. Some of them even started crying themselves, wondering how it had gotten so far that one of their members didn’t feel like part of the group anymore.

“It’s almost obvious SM doesn’t want me to be in the group anymore. But I couldn’t help but feel like you guys didn’t want me either after what happened yesterday.” The girl had yet to cry even though she sounded so close to breaking down. She had never cried in front of everyone before, always showing her strongest side.

A quivering call of her name left Jisung’s lips. He called out for his precious noona, asking what he could do to make her forgive him. The room stayed quiet for a while, everyone anticipating JiHo’s answer, but it never came. Haechan looked at her with hopeful eyes, moving closer cautiously before resting his hand on hers situated in her lap. Her breath hitched and her body jerked slightly at the sudden touch, causing everyone else to jump a little as well. “I’m sorry you couldn’t trust me-” She choked on her own mixture of words and tears. Haechan immediately pulled the girl into his chest, stroking the girl’s hair as he desperately rambled to her. “It’s not your fault”, “I’m sorry”, “I should’ve talked to you”, “Please don’t leave us”. The sentences became a jumbled mess between his painful cries.

It had become too much for everyone. They were either fighting back tears or openly crying, excusing themselves from the room. Taeyong looked down at the mess he had made, but when he saw all the Dream members surround JiHo and Haechan to apologise and tell her how she was in fact a member of NCT and nothing was going to change that, that’s when the leader realised it might not have been so bad after all. The girl had finally opened up and though just this moment alone wasn’t going to solve everything, at least they knew how she felt and it was a great starting point.

Jisung had taken JiHo’s hands in his holding them tightly as he apologised through tears. She gulped at seeing the younger boy like this and pried one of her hands out of his grip. This caused Jisung to let out a sob as he looked at the girl with a shocked expression, mind racing again with the thought she was still mad at him. She quickly placed her hand on top of his own, her thumb caressing the top of his wrist. “It’s okay Jisung-ah. I would never talk bad about you okay?” She looked at him with red cheeks and teary eyes, still trying to stay strong. He nodded quickly just staring back at her, still apologising.

An hour had passed with the younger members talking things out a bit more, JiHo still felt hurt by their actions the day prior, but she also understood where they were coming from. Dream really cared for each other so it was nice to see them have each other's backs. Jisung had now glued himself to the girl, following her closely everywhere she went until Taeyong had called her to talk for a second. He had to clarify to the youngest that he meant talking to JiHo in private, which caused him to hesitantly walk away.

“I’m sorry JiHo, I didn’t mean to make it look like you caused the fight. I also didn’t mean things to become so messy and most importantly make you feel like you weren’t part of NCT. I did a horrible job as a leader-” The girl interrupted him with a hug, knocking the air out of his lungs. “I know you didn’t mean it. I should’ve told you how I felt earlier. But everything is going to be fine now. Okay?” Her whisper made him feel so much more calm. “Okay.” He answered placing his arms over her shoulders and pulling her closer.

#jiho.writings #nct 24th member #nct addition #nct angst #nct dream angst #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct female member #nct extra member #nct additional member #nct reactions #nct dream reactions #kpop!addition #kpop!oc

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spoopy-fish-writes · 3 years

Note

can i have some ikevamp william headcanons where he is balding 🥺😁🙏

—Balding Shakespeare headcanons

Suitors: Shakespeare

TW: Very cursed, a lot of regret

Notes: Am I really doing this right now? Is this what my life has come to? Why do I let you people request things anymore? || This is probably one of the most cursed things I have ever and will ever write, goddamn it, this is a horrible way to start off the Shakespeare countdown but I really have no choice at this point || The bloody 🥺 face makes this request like 7 times worse/hj

Omfg I hate myself sm rn

He's about to go ballistic when he realises that he's balding

He feels like he's been ripped off because "I am a vampire, tis not how this is supposed to wend. Lest I supposed to stayeth young still, not start balding in the middle of mine supposed eternal youth" or something or other

Turns out that the fumes from the cleaning supplies that he uses to get blood out of his clothes and floor don't affect him but they do affect his hair because... idk it just does

Now it's falling out but in a way that makes it seem like he's aging

He hates it so much because he prides himself quite a lot on his appearance because he's pretty™ and his hair is- or was amazing and he's now looking a little bit less youthful than he used to

Like, he doesn't think that being bald or balding is bad buuuuuut... It just doesn't work for him and he knows it

You just know he's going to Faust for help because who better to go to when your hair is falling out even though you're a vampire than your crazy scientist friend?

Turns out that there is nothing Faust can do other than watch Will suffer so he's hit a bit of a dilemma

As I mentioned before, he takes so much pride in his appearance and now he's starting to look less like a forever youthful vampire

He gets very tempted to just tear it all out and get a wig but Puck wouldn't be too happy with that so he does only the latter

He gets himself a wig

The same style, same colour, same texture, same everything so it can look as accurate as possible but with one addition

It has longer hair, an addition that Puck very much approves of

Does it make him feel a little better about himself? Yes

Does he still kind of hate it? Well, a little bit

Is he trying to completely ignore the inevitability of his hair all falling you at some point like he has been depicted to look in his paintings? Yes

He never really comes to terms with it, always trying his damned hardest to keep his hair intact but, over time, and I'm talking a few years, he does let up on it a little and just accept it though he never really stops trying to bring his hair back

Tag list: @a-chaotic-dumbass @otome-scribbles @laito---sakamaki @vcl-1807 @shad0cat @rurifangirl @daisiesandshakes and @mellohyi because, if I have to write this, you have to see it 💜

If you want to be added or removed from my tag list, dm me, send me an ask off anon or fill out this form

Do not repost, edit or claim. Only reblog 💜

#ikevamp william #ikevamp shakespeare #cursed #shitpost #why do i do this to myself #Ikevamp crack #cursed ikevamp #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp headcanons #ikevamp headcanon #ikemen headcanons #This is basically made of regret #Regret regret and more regret #Why do I let people request things again?/hj

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allthingskakashi · 3 years

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As a fellow Kakashi lover, I’m curious if you feel that Kakashi is pretty misunderstood by a lot of fans? I’ve seen people say that he should’ve defected the village, and that he’s messed up for hiding his trauma. (Which he could’ve been more open about, yes, but I’m not sure that he even knew how to go about discussing it at the time) He could’ve easily left the village, but instead he wanted to change things and make society better by teaching teamwork, and to value everyone’s life by putting yourselves before the mission. He never lost hope for the future of shinobi and knew that it could be better. He definitely could’ve been more open about his past, but he’s always been more of a quiet and reserved kid (even before the trauma lol) Idk, I feel like a lot of people overlook his backstory when talking about him!

Istg every time i meet another person who shares this view i just wanna give em the biggest bear hug and im boutta go OFF

Remember back in their childhood when gai was being bullied by these men one time about his dad and kakashi dropped in and whacked them? He always had the conscience to stand up for what was wrong and be there for his comrades but sakumo's death was so traumatic for him, it forced him to change his own beliefs. He became a machine and he believed that carrying out missions as instructed was his only purpose in life, irrespective of what HE felt

because GOD YES he's so so misunderstood by fans half the time and I've seen so many people throw around the term bootlicker for him just cause he didn't throw away everything and leave the village and and join some criminal cult and like no?? The fact that he stayed only shows his strength of character if anything. He could've easily left if he wanted to, he would've made a very sexy villain too but he chose to be hopeful and he chose to remain good and that shows strength of character because it took him a fkn lot to stay in the right path and continue working for the village that took away his father from him.

And it had nothing to do with him being a bootlicker because kakashi is very much his own person and he has his own morals and ideals and he's not a stickler for rules until he believes in them. Yes he did become awfully rule-abiding after Sakumo's death for a while because he saw what listening to your heart instead of adhering to the rules did to his father. He saw the extent to which a previously respected shinobi was villified that he had to resort to taking his own life

And kakashi was angry at sakumo because he was only a small boy who had just lost his father. He couldn't help resent sakumo bc he kept thinking that if only sakumo had just stuck to the rules, he would've still been there with him. that if only he had just done what the village had asked him to, he wouldn't have lost the only family he had. Those were very valid thoughts for a child whose father had just committed suicide but kakashi did know in his heart that his dad was right and that's why he wanted to teach those very principles to the younger generations later on. That's why he told sakumo when they met in the limbo that he was proud of him. But back then when sakumo had just died, kakashi was a grieving child who was angry and dealing with so much pain inside him that he decided he'd never do what cost his father his life. Because he saw right in front of his eyes what happened if you broke the rules and so he did what his 5 year old mind thought he should. But even then, that was never who he was at heart. He never believed in mindlessly abiding by rules and that's what made him consider obito's words and ultimately go back to save rin. Obito's words did not change him, they only helped him see what was already in his heart.

But when obito said those words to him, it resonated with what he truly believed in inside his heart. So yeah, he's no bootlicker, he was just strong willed enough to not give in to the bad things that happened to him. He didn't make an impulse decision. He didn't want to abandon his village. It was his home and despite everything, he loved his home and he valued the people around him. He didn't want to just leave it all. He wanted to stay instead to make the village better, to pass on sakumo's values to the upcoming generations so that they became good shinobi AND humans. To teach his students the power of love and friendship so that they didn't grow up to become the kind of people that had denounced his father. Kakashi didn't want to take revenge for sakumo's death because his actions were never motivated by hatred, but he ensured that his father didn't die in vain.

Leaving would've been much easier for him too,he may have almost even thought of it on nights that were extremely painful, nights when he was completely engulfed with pain and anger at the horrible unfair world but he would've never done it bc that's not him. He CHOSE to listen to the part of his heart that still saw good. Betraying the village that was his home wasn't an option for him

So yeah the fact that he stayed only shows his strength of character. his determination, his judgement, his will to change the village for the better. He refused to pass students unless they knew the value of teamwork. He was the only one who failed team after team and sent them back to academy bc no matter what, he never would've let students who didn't value their comrades become shinobi. Would a bootlicker do that? He broke into root and freed tenzo; when everyone in the village ostracized naruto and iruka had almost made up his mind to ask hiruzen to assign him another student, KAKASHI was the one who told iruka to approach Naruto with love instead. He always had a mind of his own. When team 10 wanted to get their revenge after Asuma's death, kakashi himself offered to accompany them even tho tsunade wasn't initially very enthusiastic about the idea. Would a bootlicker do that? He sneaked naruto off to meet the 4th raikage bc he understood that it was important to Naruto. Would a bootlicker do that? He always did what he thought was right

He realised his mistakes and he changed for the better. He had to raise himself and yet he managed to stay on the right track and make not just a great shinobi but also a great person of himself. He didn't want to leave his home. that was his very identity, that was his world. He wanted to change it, not abandon it. I'm sorry that is not a bootlicker. Danzo had even tried to recruit him or smth once but he'd had the judgement and sense to turn him down

As for hiding his trauma idk what to say to that i mean you can't dictate how someone deals with trauma?? Sure, his ways weren't ideal but what can you expect? He was only a kid. He lost everyone that was important to him before he was even 15 and it's not like he received any help from anybody to heal and get better. The one time he tried to approach jiraiya, he turned kakashi away saying he was putting everyone off by being sad. Ig after that he just decided to stay quiet and keep it all inside himself. The village treated him as a human weapon and he started to see himself that way too because he really didn't care for his life anymore. He suffered from survivor's guilt and he wished he'd die, he hoped one of these missions would kill him. And he was this way for many years but what matters is that he did slowly let himself open up. It took him a long time but he did. He taught his genin team but he learnt from them too. They grew on him, he loved them and cared for them. Sure they were a handful but he they were his handful and he adored them. He could gather up the courage to finally let gai in too and even be verbal about how much he meant to him. It took a long way for him to get there and it was not easy but he got there and that's what matters

SO YEAH PHEW

im sorry that was so long but i get v riled up when people shit on kakashi about these things like you're missing the point and essence of his character and i will throw hands goddamit

The fandom really does misunderstand and misinterpret kakashi v often and there are many instances where i don't agree w the majority so it's so beautiful to me when i see people who think the same way THANK YOU SM I COMPLETELY AGREE W YOU LY <3

#atkspeaks #anon #kakashi

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roguerogerss · 4 years

Note

Hi babe! I saw you wanted some requests so here I am! Could you do a Bucky x reader where the reader has secret telekinesis abilities (or whatever Wanda can do lmao) and is forced to use them on a mission. Bucky is just in shock bc his secret crush is a even more of a badass, so when he compliments her powers, she gets flustered and disagrees bc they’re dangerous, so Bucky helps her see the beauty in them? Tysm ❤️❤️

His Girl

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Reader

W/C: 3.9k (eek sorry!)

Warnings: Language (??), that's literally it.

(A/N: This one got away from me a little and I wrote wayyy more than anticipated. I hope u like it though? Idk. I had so much fun with this request, thank u sm bb! Praying that someone reads this, even though it's a whole ass novel.)

————

"Bucky, where are you? We have a minute and eight seconds until this place blows."

Y/N was worried, and, upon hearing her frantic voice in his intercoms, Bucky was too. He was aware that he didn't have long until the bomb detonated, but unaware of just how short that amount of time was. He was caught up in a fight, one that was frustrating in the way that he couldn't shake this guy. "Yeah, be there in five?"

He was being sarcastic, he must've been being sarcastic, Y/N shook her head and pressed her fingers to her temples, agitated. "Five what? Five seconds? Minutes? Bucky, I have to ask, are you insane?"

She seemed angry - no, she was most definitely angry - and Bucky silently cursed himself and allowed the Hydra agent to get a hit in, he thought he probably deserved it. "Look, I'll get out. Is there anything you guys can do to buy me some more time?"

Tony had chimed in by this point, telling Bucky that he was 'fucking crazy', ranting and raving to the heavens above about how the entire motive had been messed up and they might as well have stayed home. Y/N knew that she could help him, but that would mean using them - she didn't like to call them by the name that most would use - and she wasn't sure if it was really worth the risk. Bucky would get out, right? He'd work something out.

But time was ticking on, fifty-nine seconds now, and she was unsure of just how right that assumption was. She wasn't even entirely sure that she still had her powers, since she'd avoided using them or telling anyone that they existed since she'd escaped from the grasp of Hydra. Even as she doubted her abilities, she found herself rising from her seat behind the control panels of the Quinjet, next to Steve, and sprinting to the exit to the aircraft.

"Y/N, where are you going?" Steve asked, getting up and following her. The rest of the team were staring now, Natasha and Tony also standing from their places and looking expectantly in Y/N's direction.

"I have something that'll help. Something that you guys don't know about." She said sheepishly, slamming her palm down on the button that opened the exit hatch. "Don't worry, I've got this."

Even though she was promising her friends that everything would be okay, they seemingly didn't believe her, as all five of the other Avengers on the ship - Tony, Nat, Steve, Sam and Thor - followed her out onto the streets of Bucharest, where the public was in awe at the huge, futuristic ship that was sat in the middle of a narrow, cobbled street. Natasha had told them to go home, she'd made the best effort she could to make sure that everyone was safe. However, no one had listened, and so she desperately ushered them away from the place that she knew would soon be rubble, while Y/N ran in search for Bucky.

They had what they'd came for, but that didn't mean that there were no Hydra agents willing to get into altercations with the team. Thor and Steve were frantically fighting off a pack of them, while Tony and Sam helped Y/N, hopefully getting a better view of the streets and where Bucky might be. "Hey, Y/N, I got him. Turn right, next street over. You'll see him." Sam spoke into the intercoms. Y/N thanked him, hurrying off in search of the super-soldier to whom she'd taken more than a liking to over the few months that he'd been fighting with them.

"Buck, I'm on my way, you better be ready to get the fuck out of here." Bucky's eyebrows furrowed as he wondered why Y/N, of all people, was the one who was coming to save him. He had to admit, he was more embarrassed than anything else, needing the help of the one girl who he'd felt anything for in seventy years. But he tried to brush it off, mostly because he had to focus on not letting a Hydra agent rip his arm off, and answered her.

"What are you gonna do? If I can't fight him off, no offence, but what makes you think you'll be able to?" Bucky sounded breathless, and she could hear the obvious sounds of strain and struggle as he continued to tussle with the agent. Y/N took a deep breath and turned the corner, close enough to hear the ominous beeping of the explosive device that a Hydra agent had planted there in hopes of causing harm to one of the Avengers.

"You know what, maybe don't question it. I have my own doubts, but it certainly doesn't help that you have them too."

The agent, who was currently deep in a brawl with Bucky, noticed Y/N, but all that she was able to think about was the amount of time that was left on the clock. She asked FRIDAY, and a rush of adrenaline and fear coursed through her when she realised that they weren't going to get out in time.

Ten, nine, eight, seven,

Y/N drew her gun and shot the Hydra agent, not missing as usual, and Bucky snorted. "Couldn't have done that earlier?"

Four, three, two,

She knew that this was it. It was either expose the world to her powers, probably be deemed as a weapon and certainly become even more wanted by Hydra, or die, and let her friends die too. She took a deep breath and felt the horribly familiar surge of - what was it, electricity? She wasn't actually sure - coursing through her body, and watched as Bucky ogled at the purple wisps of magic that extended from her hands and the way that her irises seemed to ignite.

One.

Bucky ducked and shielded his face, but looked up again when he didn't hear, nor feel anything that would signal an explosion had happened. Y/N had it under control, holding the bomb together with just her fingertips. She'd thought that it wouldn't happen, that her abilities would've simply subsided into nothingness due to being unused for so long, but she was wrong. She'd done it, and there was no going back now.

And then? The small explosion turned huge, and lurched forwards, setting a civilian apartment building completely alight. Y/N stood, watching, mouth wide open and quite unable to understand the circumstances of what the hell just happened. Bucky was at her side, a hand on her shoulder as he, too, watched the destruction take place. The rest of the team had rushed straight there, each one of them with hands over agape mouths while Steve called for Fire and Rescue and Tony wondered aloud, 'What the fuck is going on?'

Y/N found herself on her knees. She could see and hear Bucky in front of her, worry in his eyes as a few tears dripped from her chin onto her chest, but she didn't have it in her to decipher what his words meant, they all just sounded muffled and like he was speaking a language that she didn't understand.

She didn't know what she'd done, how bad it was, but she could hear the screams of the residents of the building, she could feel them vibrating through her body and ringing in her ears, and that was enough to convince her that her enhancements truly were the worst thing about her, that she really was the weapon that Hydra had deliberately mutated her to be.

--------

It had been hours. How many, Y/N was unsure, but a considerable amount of time had passed since they'd gotten home. The flight back from Bucharest had consisted of Y/N locking herself in a cabin, and the rest of the people on the Quinjet taking it in turns to try to speak to her, to try to understand.

No one, apart from Bucky, (who only had a vague idea), knew what had happened. There wasn't a single person on the jet who could fully understand it, Y/N included.

She was now sat on a sofa in the lounge, chewing off parts of her nails while everyone murmured and tiptoed around her. Tony was speaking quickly on the phone and glancing at her every couple of seconds, Steve was pacing back and forth along the length of the room.

Y/N wondered for a minute what would happen. Would she be arrested? Would something like the accords happen again? Was she about to become the cause of another civil war? Would Tony disown her? Send her back to Hydra? She didn't know. She didn't think she wanted to know.

Wanda and Natasha had come to comfort Y/N at first, sat with her and braided her hair like they did often, and it was nice to think that Wanda knew exactly what she was going through.

However, she'd told them that she wanted to be alone, and they'd dispersed and were sitting quietly in two separate armchairs, watching a movie with Sam. The truth was, she didn't really want to be alone. She wanted Bucky. She didn't quite know why, but she'd always felt calm around him, which was one of the reasons why she'd taken such a shine to him, and she made it very clear to herself that she was at least a little bit in love with Bucky, in a way that was less platonic and more romantic.

She couldn't lie and say that she was happy with the way that he'd handled things, though. As soon as the jet landed, he mumbled something about taking a shower and hurried off to his room, like he couldn't stand to be around her for any longer, like he was afraid of her.

And, honestly? She wouldn't be surprised if he was.

The truth, of course, wasn't that Bucky didn't want to see her, it wasn't that he was afraid of her, it was that she was evidently upset. It was tearing him apart to have to see her like that. He felt like he was obligated to be alone to think about what had happened, because he knew that - realistically - it was his fault that she'd had to use her powers. He'd been caught up in a fight, the bomb that had been planted was seconds away from detonating, she had to do something. Of course, he had no idea that something was going to be exposing hidden telekinetic abilities to the world, but close enough, right?

"I just got off the phone with a higher up." Tony stood in the middle of the lounge, everyone looking at him as he began his speech. "Everything's gonna be fine. Just, maybe don't turn on the news for a couple days, Y/N doesn't need to see that."

"Don't act like I'm a kid, please." Y/N spoke up, making it clear that she was annoyed by the fact that everyone was seemingly ignoring that it was her who had done this. "I did this, Tony. I want to know how much damage I caused."

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, shaking his head at her. "No, this is not the time to get all Steve-y on me, okay? You don't need to see it, you don't need to know, so you're not going to. Is that clear to you?"

"Mistakes happen, Y/N. It's not your fault." Steve said from where he was standing, next to the breakfast bar. "What matters is that you tell us what actually happened at some point."

"So, what I'm going to take from that, is that it's bad." She turned from Steve, back to Tony. "I'm not weak, I can deal with what I did, Tony."

Tony snapped, the stress of the situation and the argument from his daughter-figure becoming too much for him to handle, "Goddamn it, Y/N, you really wanna know what you did? Let's see, first of all, you used whatever powers you have, something that you clearly knew about but warned no one of. Second of all, you essentially bombed an apartment building in a poor part of Romania, you literally took from the poor. And now what? Fifty-five people are dead, kids have been left without parents, and that's on my back. Plus, you're being publicly deemed as a weapon until they figure out what's really going on there. So, do tell us, what is really going on there?"

"Tony. Stop." Wanda said, but Y/N was already halfway out of the room, with Tony realising that he probably shouldn't have said what he did and following after her.

"Y/N, hey, I'm sorry, okay?" Tony called, but she wasn't listening. She got in the elevator and left Tony alone in the hallway without a word, tears threatening to spill from her eyes the whole time.

And then, finally, they did. When the doors of the elevator closed, when she could no longer hear Tony's voice, when she was alone, oh they did. She found herself on the floor, face cradled in her hands - the same hands that killed fifty-five people just hours before - and there were tears falling from her eyes, past her chin, soaking her black catsuit.

She felt empty, like her body was a shell and she was simply there, watching herself fall apart. It was a kind of guilt, one that ate at her from the inside and seared through every nerve, every part of her, until she could think of doing nothing but curling up and ceasing to exist. She wanted to yell, scream, punch something, run. Anything that would distract her from how she felt. She wanted to sleep for a week, maybe two, forget about everything and ignore her responsibilities until it hurt less. Most importantly, however, she wanted Bucky. She wanted now more than ever to be his girl. For him to lay with her and tangle his fingers in her hair and whisper sweet things in her ear until the bad things in the world simply melted away.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, but Y/N didn't get up, not until FRIDAY asked if she wanted to go to another floor. When she did, however, she found herself taking the wrong turn, to the left instead of to the right, and walking away from her room instead of towards it. Without thinking, she'd already opened the door to Bucky's room, where he was reclined lazily on his bed, a pair of sweatpants on and nothing else, focused on the ceiling.

He furrowed his eyebrows at her when she gave him a tiny little smile, but sighed when he noticed the remnants of her somewhat breakdown on her face. Bucky held his arms open, "Hey, c'mere."

She stepped into his embrace, tears finding their way onto her face again, and let him caress her back and play with her hair until the crying stopped. When Bucky held her, everything felt different, like she could put things into perspective and understand that maybe it wasn't all her fault. "Look, I know you think that this is the end of the world. I know it's scary, but Wanda learned how to use her powers for good. You can do the same." Bucky's attempt at comforting Y/N wasn't exactly superlative, but she knew that he was trying.

"I'm a weapon, Buck." She pulled away from him and sat on the end of the bed, wanting to cry and clawing at the sleeves of her suit in an essay to calm herself down. "That's how Tony worded it, anyway. I shouldn't have used them."

Bucky knew that his next question was stupid, that he probably shouldn't have asked it, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him and he was speaking before properly thinking over the consequences. "How did you get them?" He reached out for her hand and she let him hold it, getting a rush of exhilaration from the affectionate gesture.

Bucky wasn't usually one for showing how he felt, much less for saying it out loud or doing anything to communicate his feelings, and he wasn't quite sure why he had had a sudden change of heart and almost wanted her to know that he liked her, that, really, he would do anything for her. She didn't meet his eye as she began her explanation. "Well, before Tony found me, I worked for Hydra. Actually, less worked for them and more became their personal lab rat. They did a lot of experiments on me, tortured me, really, made me more destructive than any enemy organisation would know how to handle. And then, I escaped. And here I am, talking to you."

She gave him a sad little smile, one that he would swear had broken him. "I'm sorry." It was a lame excuse for comfort, really it was, but he racked his brain once, twice, and couldn't for the life of him find the right words to say.

"Don't be." Y/N shifted in her place, gaze on her hands which were clasped in her lap. It was quiet and Bucky wished that he knew what to say to her, that he could think of something that would make her feel less alone or soothe her in some way. A minute went by, two minutes, three minutes. The silence might've been comfortable between the pair, but it was certainly uncomfortable between Y/N and her own thoughts. "I should go." She said, standing from her place on the bed without looking in Bucky's direction once.

He knew that he had to say something, anything that would make her stay. The thought of her alone in her room was heartbreaking to him. He grabbed her wrist before she could take any more than a few steps towards the door and she looked down at him, lips slightly parted and one eyebrow raised in a silent question. "You're not a weapon. Sure, Stark said that, whatever, the guy's an asshole. But you're not a weapon, Y/N."

She gave a little humourless laugh, blowing a puff of air out of her nose. "The government apparently seem to think so."

Bucky smiled at her and said, "Fuck the government."

"Oh, so you're an anarchist now? Classy." Y/N sat back down and Bucky's heart felt like it was doing summersaults in his chest, all fluttery. She was smiling, he had made her smile, and it was genuine. As far as he was concerned, nothing else really mattered.

"You know what I mean."

"I don't, actually."

Bucky sighed and cocked an eyebrow at her, eliciting a laugh from her lips. "You're really going to make me explain myself, huh?" He joked. "Look, You're not a weapon to me. I think you're a badass, actually." She snorted.

"Bucky, I killed a lot of people."

"So have I." Bucky's tongue darted out to wet his lips as he placed a tender hand on her thigh. "You don't see me as the bad guy. You never have, actually. What I'm trying to say, is that all of us have done bad things. Made mistakes, lost control, that doesn't make us bad people."

"I feel like a bad person." Y/N had her eyes trained on Bucky's face, bottom lip held tightly between her teeth as she tried to avoid letting herself word-vomit about everything that she was feeling at that moment. His hand squeezed her thigh gently, and she let out an embarrassing and involuntary gasp that made her cheeks turn bright red.

"Don't. Y/N, I know it's cheesy as hell, but you did it to save my life, right?" Y/N nodded slowly, "So how does that make you a bad person?"

"You're grasping at strings, here."

“What can I say that'll make you feel better?"

Y/N knew what she wanted to hear, that he liked her as more than a friend, that he wanted to be with her like she wanted to be with him, that her fantasies weren't just fantasies, that he really did love her. But she couldn't say that. God, of course she couldn't say that. So, instead, she simply shrugged.

Bucky knew what he wanted to say to her, that he liked her as more than a friend, wanted her to be with him, of course he loved her. He couldn't drop all of that on her when all she'd given was a shrug, right? Wrong, apparently, because the words spilled from his mouth anyways, like he couldn't control himself.

And really, he couldn't. But he figured that she already knew that.

“I love you." He spluttered, and her eyes widened in shock. "Okay? God, I love you. And what you did today? Made me love you even more. I know you probably don't want to hear this, you don't want me to ruin our friendship, and I get it, I do. But, right now, all I wanna do is protect you, and let you know that you're really not the monster that you think you are."

She stayed silent. What could she say? Her head was swimming with ideas, but none of them really seemed fit. She thought that, if this day ever came, if somehow it came down to confessing her feelings for him, she'd know exactly what to say.

She really couldn't have been more wrong.

So, instead of speaking, she found herself simply staring at Bucky, into his eyes. Had he moved closer? Had she? Either way, their noses were soon bumping together and he was searching her face for any sign of disapproval, one that wasn't there, and so he kissed her.

She felt dizzy, lightheaded, like she couldn't quite figure out where her body ended and Bucky's began, and she didn't think she really wanted to. Lips on lips, his hand on her waist and hers roaming his hair, it felt like heaven.

She was on a high, he was too, and the comedown was breathless and just as euphoric as the real thing. "I love you too." Y/N said.

Bucky couldn't help the plainly stupid, goofy grin that had spread across his face. Did he look like an idiot? Unequivocally. Did he care? Maybe, but that wasn't the point.

"I should get back to my room." Y/N said quietly, a small smile on her lips. "Thanks for...uh, the talk."

Bucky laughed and let her get up, walk to the door and open it while he watched in a daze, and then he stopped her. "Let me walk you."

"I can handle myself."

"Oh, I know, sweetheart. But I'm not entirely sure that you should."

Really, she was already his girl. She always had been.

#bucky barnes #sebastian stan #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x enhanced!reader #bucky barnes x female reader #sebastian stan x reader #fanfic #steve rogers #captain america #marvel #mcu fic #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #deadass a novel #sorry #rogues requests #rogue writes #rogue does marvel

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spitefulinamillionways · 4 years

Note

headcanon requests, you say? can i get some uhhh charles going Full Dad on beej? i love that dynamic sm!

hskshdjsfb yes!!! i love that dynamic too it’s just 💞💓💕💘💖💗

just letting you know this is long as fuck because i have so many ideas for this

when beej was brought back by lydia him and charles didn’t really have much of a relationship other than ‘please don’t disturb me while i’m trying to birdwatch thanks’

lydia has tried talking to him about charles but bj usually got bored

but everything changed when the fire nation attacked when he spotted betelgeuse trying his absolute best to help lydia with some homework (let’s just say it was english or something)

so he comes into her room all ‘hey what’s going on here?’ and offers to help

lydia agrees obviously

the two are uncomfortable at first constantly interrupting eachother and doing that thing where they’re like ‘no you can go first’ ‘no you were talking first’ and then being silent for a second before talking at the same time but they eventually work it out and find how well they can work together

it all ended with lydia finally finishing her homework after a whole hour and a half even with help because they kept getting distracted and talked about stuff until one of them (never betelgeuse) were like ‘okay guys we need to do the homework’

after that charles tries his best to get closer with betelgeuse and it works

it’s actually scary how much they get along dispite being almost polar opposites but being scary as we all know is betelgeuse’s thing so don’t worry it’s ok

one day betelgeuse and lydia did a weird little art project they found online and show it to charles

lydia explains everything about it and betelgeuse ends it with ‘and i did that part!’ and he points to a couple scribbly drawings of random things

charles is all ‘that’s so good! i’m really impressed with you two!’ and beej’s hair instantly turns a bright green because he’d never had a father figure, hell even a normal parental figure, in his life

from then on beej showed everything he (and sometimes lydia) made and charles was always equally, if not more, impressed everytime

he also was glad it gave bj a hobby and something to do other than drink or wreck the house

he was surprised at how much of a pushover bj could be if you were just nice to him (i don’t know if pushover is the right word, i was thinking sweetheart but that sounded weird)

charles started inviting bj to do things with him and lydia that would usually just be, yknow, him and lydia

of course bj would accept and be overjoyed the whole time

fast forward to maybe a couple weeks and he’s gotten really used to this, both bj and charles, so after hearing lydia call charles dad so many times you can imagine what eventually happened

‘hiya, dad! h-‘ he stopped after realising what he had said, after basically everyone was staring at him

‘dad? am i a father figure to you?’

‘obviouslynotthat’sweird, it was just an accident’

‘alright, whatever you say, son’ he couldn’t help but smile at how happy betelgeuse got whenever he said things like that

betelgeuse started calling charles dad a bit more, feeling as if it was okay (which it was) but it got kinda awkward after delia mentioned it reminded her of the wedding, but that was in the past and bj had proven he wasn’t completely an asshole

lydia didn’t feel jealous while bj was getting affection, she felt happy for him and was excited that he was basically her brother now

ok i know this is a bit of a tangent and it’s not about charles and bj like you asked but betelgeuse goes full Protective Older Brother on anyone who even LOOKS at lydia in a bad way at school or anywhere. he’s said multiple times how he’s willing to kill lydias bullies but she always says the same thing about how ‘it’s wrong’ and stuff. but what a shock to her when she finds one of her worst bullies has gone missing right after they had talked some absolute sHIT and spread a rumour about her. she obviously knew who did it and was all ‘you can’t do this beej, i don’t know where they are but-‘ ‘lyds i’m just gonna be real with you i doubt they’ll ever find the body’

lydia didn’t know what the fuck to say

anyway back to charles and bj

yeah like i was saying she wasn’t jealous at all, in fact she was glad about how bj was being included more and wouldn’t just have to leave him on his own when some family gathering was happening with everyone (including the maitlands)

bj didn’t do the best on those days

after telling this to charles he felt really bad and apologised way too many times even though bj insisted it was okay and he didn’t really care anymore

bj is invited to everything now as long as he doesn’t make a mess (which he doesn’t, apart from on april fools which, oh god, was hell for everyone including himself)

of course there were times where bj couldn’t be invited as it was ‘Deetzes Only Please We Have Something Serious To Talk About Thank You Sorry’ but he would just vibe with the maitlands a bit

charles once overheard a (pretty depressing and obviously meant to be private) conversation between bj and lydia where he was talking about juno and how horrible she was, it was filled with many tears from beej and hugs from lydia

charles was really to fucking destroy a bitch!!!!!

he knocked on the door to lydias room and asked if he could come in

bj said yeah but lydia said no

he said it was okay and he’ll just ‘clean himself up a bit’ so he tried to change his hair colour on demand, something he had once learnt to do when he was with juno, but it only worked a little bit

charles asked what was wrong and bj insisted nothing and that everything was fine but charles already knew that was a lie

‘i want you to tell me everything she did to you.’

‘what?’

‘your mom. what did she do to you?’

‘ah, it’s fine, dad, really it wasn’t-‘

‘just talk about it. let it all out, okay?’

that night was uh

a lot

for all three of them

but it helped beej a lot and he was back to his normal self the next day which is good!!

i’m gonna try and wrap this up because this is extremely long and i don’t think you were expecting this much, but this is literally the first ask i’ve ever gotten in all my time on tumblr, even on my older blogs lol so i wanted to make the most of it

beej and charles have the best father to son dynamic you can’t change my mind because i am correct ok thank you my name is matylda thank you for coming to my ted talk

no but seriously thank you for being my first ask!! this was so much fun to write and i hope it’s not too bad, it’s pretty early in the uk and i’m kinda tired so if there are any mistakes i didn’t find i’ll try my best to fix them later! 🤍🖤🤍🖤

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice headcanons #beetlejuice incorrect quotes #beetlejuice headcanon #beetlelands #goldenrat #adam maitlands #barbara maitlands #beetlejuice incorrect quote

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shreyugh · 4 years

Text

My ops on never have I ever

I have kind of a lot

*Also none of these gifs are mine, credit to all the creators *

Spoilers

Devi- I really liked her, the way they portrayed her was very realistic as I found that I could relate to her a lot. Her feelings about being Indian rang v true and I could see myself in her. Sure at times she was really annoying but she’s 16, like what do you expect. However saying that, she wasn’t a good friend, she wasn’t there for Eleanor when she needed to be and that kinda irked me.

Fabiola- love her, I loved her friendship with Eleanor is seemed so genuine. Also clocked that she was a lesbian within the first 5 min that I saw her. I also loved the reactions everyone had to her coming out because it wasn’t like the biggest deal that she was lesbian. I really liked her story.

Eleanor- I felt so sorry for her when the whole thing with her mum happened. And it was shit that when she needed her friend the most she wasn’t there. Also loved her but I wished that she was developed a little more because her development was just her mum leaving ya know?

Kamala- a queeeeennnn. I loved her sm, she was my favourite character. I loved that her thing was wanting to study and not wanting to get married. Also I was really interested in her at some points more than Devi (don’t come for me). I also really liked how they portrayed arranged marriages in the show. They showed it as nothing bad and I really appreciated it.

Ben- smol bby. I really liked him. He was just treated so shitly throughout the whole show and he finally got the gal and that made me so happy for him. I liked the one episode on him it really gave us a view into his life and his family and made the audience feel for him.

Paxton- a right fittie, he was good at some points and not so great at other points. He was always there for Devi like after the parties, he took her home and make sure she was ok. So it means that he did care for her but he also felt kinda off at some points. It was like her turned up when he wanted to and fucked off when he wanted to. But it was quite realistic in the way that girls fall for the popular guy and then don’t realise that they can do better saying that I think an episode with his pov would be nice like we had one of Ben.

Devi’s mum- I liked her a lot, I liked to kinda see her internal struggle of not knowing how to raise her daughter after her husband died and seeing Devi and her mum reunite was really nice to watch and made me a bit emotional. I’m excited to see how Devi and her mum’s relationship progresses in the next season.

overall- i really enjoyed this show. Sure, its cringe but its less cringe after ep 5 and more bearable to watch. I liked the representation that Indians got although I’m not Indian-American, I’m Indian-British so i could relate to a lot of the aspects about the show. I also enjoyed the diverse main cast without it feeling pushy or in your face. I’m neither team Ben or team Paxton, I really liked Devi and Ben they’re really cute but I wouldn’t be opposed to Devi and Paxton. However if they make Devi and Paxton a thing they better not do anything horrible to Ben because I will riot. Loved the narration by John McEnroe, all in all looking forward to the next season.

Das all, adios

#john mcenroe #devi #paxton #never have i ever #poorna jagannathan #darren barnet #ben #ramona young #maitreyi ramakrishnan #fabiola #ben gross #netflix #jaren lewison #kamala

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greennct · 5 years

Text

chenle in your camera lens

fansite!au, i've had this idea for ages, i thought it was super cute!! let me know what u think, i tried to make it as fluff-y as possible bc chenle is my baby! it’s also bullet pointed bc i wanted to see how it would feel to write in that style & honestly i was literally just trying to write like @warmau bc she’s super talented & i love her im so sorry i had to drag u into this 💞💖💘

edit!! i just posted a part 2 to this fic, which you can find here!

(3.2k words yo what, no triggers apart from chenle making cute meme faces which genuinely actives my soft sad hours)

song rec: notice me by spinn

not to brag, but like,,,, you were pretty famous as far as fansites go

part of it was because you had just been around for so long, taking photos of zhong chenle pretty much since the first day of his debut

and part of it was how talented you were at capturing the boy so authentically

but the main reason nctzens knew/loved/worshipped you, was because of how effortless and pure your interactions were with him

before you had even heard the word kpop, your passion had always been photography

however since you were still in high school, you were broke and unable to really pursue your dream properly

like seriously, apart from one half-broken digital camera you were pretty sure hadn’t been upgraded since 2003, the photography department at your school was pretty much nonexistent. you found yourself getting more and more upset about the fact you weren’t allowed to do what you loved every day

so it really was only a matter of time before you decided to take matters into your own hands

immediately after having spent a ridiculous amount of money on a mediocre, but at least functioning camera, you decided to take it out the next weekend you could, to try and capture some action in the streets of seoul

you were expecting cute photos of couples, candids of children playing, maybe even some views of the city (if you could be bothered to find a rooftop), or anything else that struck your fancy

what you were not expecting, was a world-famous boyband filming some kind of variety show on your local high street

what you certainly did not expect at all, was to suddenly find yourself staring at the cutest boy you had ever seen in your life

there were seven or eight people with cameras already at the scene, furiously clicking away. you sidled up to the closet person you could find, and half-whispered to her, scared of disturbing the lighting speed of her shutter closing, to ask if she knew what the boy with the ash brown hair was called

you were told his name was chenle, & without having to think, you lifted the viewfinder to your eye, and snapped your first photo of him. you still have it today, it’s the first thing that pops up when someone searches your blog, a candid of him laughing at something jisung had said.

every time you look at it, you get this little fuzzy feeling in your stomach, reminded of the very first day that he had caught your eye, by doing something as simple and normal as laughing at a joke

since then, there was no looking back. you steadily made a name for yourself as a chenle fansite, with your amazing photography skills

and sure, your action shots of him dancing were ethereal, and your lack of whitewashing gained you popularity from a lot of fans, but your specialty, the reason everyone flocked to your blog directly after every awards show, was because of your candids of chenle

somehow, you had a knack for knowing exactly when to capture a giggle, pout or shocked reaction to one of the dreamies antics, managing to encapsulate chenille’s bubbly personality within a single frame

people who had met nct dream started referring your photos to international fans, claiming that your photos were the closest thing one could get to actually seeing what chenle was like irl

but even that wasn't the full reason that you became to famous and loved by nctzens

seriously, when the regular/irregular album came out, your inbox was fukk of messages from nctzens begging you to break into sm and reshoot the whole photobook

however, even though you loved taking photos of chenle, the problem was that you were basically his age

you were still in high school, living with your parents, and essentially under their control

having to originally been monitored by your mother every time you went to any kind of nct dream event, you quickly made friends with the other fansites, so that you wouldn’t have to chaperoned, but instead was supervised by people you trusted, who were responsible adults

however, this didn't stop the older photographers from always teasing you, when you had to leave an awards show at 10pm with the rest of the underage members, were slightly late to an interview, because you had to rush from school, or even from time to time when you whipped out your laptop at a schedule, balancing it precariously on your raised knee whilst waiting for chenle, needing to submit an assignment to your teacher within the half hour

it quickly became a joke within the nctzens, the tiny, underage chenle fansite, who everyone loved to baby, with more talent than half of the adult photographers

what's more, you work didn't go under appreciated by the dreamies themselves

((((not to brag or anything,,,, but like,, you had the highest percentage of photos with chenle directly smiling at your lens than pretty much any other fansite))))

he knew that you were the same age as him, and mentioned it from the first fansite you went to. he told you to drop any formalities since you were “friends now,” and always teased you whenever he saw you

one of the ways that chenle would do this, was by always making a silly face before posing properly, sticking out his tongue, crossing his eyes, or doing some other dumb facial expression

he did it to tease you, trying to ruin your photos, as he had always asked why you couldn’t eve seem to take a bad photo of him

of course you had replied that it wasn't your skills that made the photos so pretty, it was him (with an extremely red face lmaoo), & so chenle tried to take that as a challenge

whenever he was sure no one else was looking, he would pull the most horrible faces for you to take photos of, trying to sabotage your photography

and of course you whined to yourself that he still managed to look incredibly endearing even with cross-eyes and some drool dripping off his chin

and you were sure other nctzens would die as much as you did with how sweet he looked in the photos - after all, the candid shots were completely on-brand for you

but somehow you could never bring yourself to upload the photos online, deciding there was something that would make your heart hurt a little bit at allowing other people to see those photos

even though you knew better,,,,, you wanted to pretend his expressions were just for you

of course you had a crush on chenle, it was hard to follow around such an effervescent & cheeky boy for so long without developing at least some kind of feelings for him

& though you felt your heart flip a little every time he complimented your photos, or told you that you looked nice that day,,,

you also weren't delusional. you knew that you didn't have a chance, you were literally just a fansite, & it was chenle’s job to be nice to you

because you were so conscious of coming off as creepy with your pretty obvious crush, you always made sure to completely respect his boundaries

you prided yourself on turning off your flash if you thought the dreamies looked tired, and when you started making enough money from your photos to follow them to different countries, you made sure to take different flights and stay at other hotels, if their details ever got leaked, not wanting to feel like you were stalking them

instead of ever acting on your emotions, you stayed content with the stupid faces he made you, convincing yourself they were just for you, and tried to shove your feelings deep, deep down

& for a while,,,, it worked. you & chenle stayed,, not friends but,, something closer than just a casual fan

he knew your name, he would always wave in your direction when he recognised you, and you would always hide your furious blush behind the camera lens when he sent you the occasional wink or finger heart

& that was enough for you,, until unfortunately, life started getting in the way

college was drawing closer and closer, & you had to start scrambling to put together a portfolio of your photography to apply to schools with

you realised you probably needed some more extracurriculars, so signed up for a copious amount of clubs, started volunteering for extra credit, actually studying for tests, and even hanging out a lot more with your friends, having realised with a shock, that you had limited time left to share with them before you all went to different schools

with all that going on, you barely had time to scroll through your social media accounts when you finally got to bed,

you spent the half an hour before your eyes drooped so low you were forced to turn your phone off scouring furiously through the photos other fansites had taken of chenle, scouring for any photos of the weird faces he made, if he had started doing them for someone else now that you had been away for a while

searching for a sign they weren’t just for you, and you had been delusional for hoping against hope this whole time

funnily enough, you actually ended up receiving the exact opposite of what you feared

upon opening your twitter one night, you discovered you had a lot more mentions than usual, all tagging you in one video

clicking on it, your stomach dropped slightly. it was taken at an award ceremony, previously your favourite time of the year, because it meant you got to see chenle almost every day. now you just felt a pang in your stomach - you couldn’t see chenle at all at the moment

it was a video of him turning to converse during an ad break with a jaemin fansite, one who had taken care of you a lot when you had first started to take photos

he mouthed the name of your fansite, raising his hands in a quizzical manner. you almost dropped your phone. upon calming yourself, and reasoning that of course he knew the name of your fansite, he spoke about it with you all the time, you resumed the video

when she didn’t understand what chenle was trying to communicate to her, he said you name (your felt your heart do a triple flip where is was beating sporadically in your throat), and asked where you had went

she replied “college applications!” and he pouted, suddenly blinded by flash as the fansites around him tried to capture the moment

“tell her to come back soon!” he said, and turned back around

you rewatched the video at least 20 more times to prove to yourself that it wasn’t fake

this sudden recognition and blatant affection that you were shown, was pretty much unheard of, and not only did you know that, but the whole of twitter knew it too

before you could even like the video, your whole account was filled with messages from delusional stans either convinced you were dating and sending well-wishes, or threats to stay away from chenle indefinitely from slightly less sympathetic fans.

to be honest, you didn't know which reaction was worse

after all, though it was certainly blush-inducing, it wasn't anywhere close to a love confession, wasn't everyone overreacting slightly?

you sighed, turning off your phone. right now was an important time of your life. though there was still a significant amount of people telling other to back off, and simply being happy you had received such high praise from chenle, the last thing that you needed was your phone pinging all day with messages from everyone else, demanding some sort of explanation about the video from you, when you knew the exact same amount of information that they did.

the next day, you texted the jaemin fansite to tell her you'd be staying off of social media for a while. you deleted all your apps. you had decided to ride out this ‘scandal’ until you were at least done with your application, and you had to admit, not having the pressure of everyone scrutinising your every move was quite liberating

though the rest of the year was actually a lot of fun, and you ended up spending a lot more time pursuing things you didn't have time to previously, and spending time with friends,,,,

there was always that small ache you felt whoever your friend texted you saying chenle had asked about you again, or seeing a billboard of his face in the city, hearing an nct song playing in a café, reminding you of the lifestyle that had consumed you just months previously,,, that you missed more than anything,,,,,,, the boy you couldn’t stop thinking about,,

you tried to push the feeling down, reasoning that there was no way chenle was as bothered as you were about the separation, & carried on with your life, no matter how awful you felt at times

of course, the school year did have to end at some point, though. after what felt like years, your college decisions came back!!! you were so glad that your hard work had paid off!!!! (of course you got in to your dream school what kind of au would this be if u didn’t lol)

your friends wanted to take you out to celebrate, but you declined politely, knowing exactly where you were going

nct dream had just had a comeback, and your jaemin fansite friend had won you an extra ticket to their fansign “just in case,” since she know you were about to finish your schoolwork

you missed chenle too much to stay away from him much longer, no matter how stupid you knew your feelings were

let me tell you,,,,, the moment you walked into the hall, the tension in the fansign literally hit the roof

you practically ran into your seat, ducking behind your camera lens, trying to capture chenle without actually having to make eye contact with him

everyone was whispering about your sudden return after months of silence on social media,, you caught some people trying to take photos of you sneakily

the dreamies noticed your presence too, of course

haechan caught sight of you first, and nudged chenle, who was standing next to him, pointing him in your direction

the whole room literally squealed at the way chenles entire face lit up at the familiar sight of your camera

& you,,, well you were just glad your face was covered because hOly hECk you were blushing,,, you tried to keep your face hidden, until you had to go up to get him to sign your album

when you left your seat, the whole room collectively held their breath, like im not even kidding, there had been so much speculation over whether or not you had left the fandom over the controversy, so your sudden unexpected return to the fansign was a huge

now of course chenle was the last in the line, so you had to deal with the rest of the dreamies teasing beforehand, while they signed your album. though you were friendly with them, and they knew your name of course,

however whoever you had talked it had always been sweet and innocent,, they had never made you so,,,,,, uncomfortable before

even jeno, the shyest of the lot gave you a knowing smirk when he said “welcome back!”

jisung told you he couldn’t draw a heart, otherwise chenle might get jealous, and mark just gave you a cryptic look.

“chenle’s been pretty worried about you.... don't break his heart.”

you kind of just laughed awkwardly, and moved down the queue to jaemin. there was no way that he was being serious. nct dream were acting weird around you

you tried to quell the nerves in your stomach when you finally faced chenle

“hi!” you managed

“i missed you!!!! don’t ever leave me for so long again!” chenle pouted, skipping the formalities of small talk. you tried not to giggle like a twelve-year-old

“i'm sorry, chenle, i had college-”

“applications!” he finished “how did they go? have you heard? did you get in? you wanted to go to the arts one in daegu, right?”

you blinked, surprised he remembered such a small detail about your life. you could barely remember telling him about it. “um, ye-yeah! i did!”

“woooaaah!” he cheered loudly, “i always knew you were smart!!” taking your hand in his, he waved them together in the air. you could hear gasps and clicks behind you

“this is gonna be all over twitter tomorrow, you know, chenle.” you blushed, gently trying to extract your hand in order to make sure he was comfortable

chenle simply tightened his grip on your intertwined fingers, pulling them closer to his face, as he leaned his head against them. “they seem to like us together, don't they?” he agreed. you let out a little gasp in spite of yourself, cheeks extremely flushed.

“i don't mind...” he continued, “unless you do?”

you shook your head slightly, not trusting yourself to speak. chenle had always been flirty with you, the same way he was flirty with all the other fans he met, but this behaviour was a huge step up from what you had experienced beforehand. your brain started working overtime, putting pieces together at 100 miles an hour

the weird faces, the asking about you, the trivial facts he remembered,, was is possible,,, chenle also-

“miss? your time is up” a manager started trying to hurry you along, as there were already two or three people queuing behind you. “wait!” chenle said, finishing his signature in your album, scribbling furiously

he then looked up at you, offering the pinky finger of his free hand up with a solemn expression

“promise you won't run away again?”

you joined your fingers with his, unable to do anything but nod at his forward behaviour

“you gotta promise!!”

“i promise!” you half whispered

chenle pressed a small, chaste kiss on your fingers

it was so fast that it could've been mistaken for him simply waving your hands together

however you and chenle, with matching blushing faces knew exactly what the gesture had meant

the rest of the afternoon, you tried to ignore how the butterflies in your stomach had suddenly morphed into huge stallions, kicking up all of your emotions all over the place

it certainly didn’t help that he kept looking over at you. winks, hearts, kisses, pouts were all thrown your way

and of course, from time to time, he would go to your side of the auditorium, lean close into your huge camera lens, and make a horribly ugly face

every time he did, you found your heart swelling just a little more, because you knew, you knew

that those faces had always been for you

& when you got home, and read the message chenle had left in your album, a small paragraph simply stating he thought you were “seriously, like ridiculously beautiful,” you knew that he hadn’t written a series of digits underneath his signature for anyone else

you finally understood, that everything had always been just for you

#chenle #zhong chenle #nct dream #nct chenle #nct dream chenle #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #chenle fluff #chenle au #nct dream au #chenle fic #chenle imagine #nct fic #nct imagine #nct dream fic #nct dream imagine #nct dream scenario #writings

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deppresing-thoughts101 · 4 years

Text

feelings . :/

most days I feel like giving up is my only option.

I always do things to self-distruct

I’m so angry all the time

boys only want you for your looks.

I isolate my self from eveyone

your not to skinny your not to skinny your not to skinny your not to skinny

what the fuck is wrong with me, did I do somthing ? Why is everything going down hill , why am I losing people everyday , why why why? why me? am I that messed up? is that a sign?

somtimes I stay up all night so I can sleep all day and not eat so I don’t get fat

I told you my pain and you just did the same thing they all did..

why smile if it’s not gona say

Every time you

tell your daughter

you yell at her

out of love

you teach her to confuse

anger with kindness

which seems like a good idea

till she grows up to

trust men who hurt her

cause they look so much

like you.

i don’t know what living a balanced life feels like

when i am sad

i don’t cry i pour

when i am happy

i don’t smile i glow

when i am angry

i don’t yell i burn

the good thing about

feeling in extremes

is when i love

i give them wings

but perhaps

that isn't

such a good thing

cause they always

tend to leave and

you should see me

when my heart is broken

i don't grieve

do you ever just like wish you didint exist, that your a worthless peice off shit that should not be aloud to live. so yeah ima just go die in a hole bye.

sometimes you just have to smile, you just have to or someone will ask you a million questions, but at the same time. what the point of smiling if it’s fake ?

no crazy shit but does anyone elese wana throw there phone

why me

my mind is so dark

there’s no light at the end of the tunnel

I can’t sleep

I can’t eat

I hate my body

I just wana feel okay again

I wana be pretty

I wana be happy

I’m unvolved

I’m worthless

I need a reason

I have no purpose

I make no difference

I feel less and less like myself everyday

I’m disgusting

I can feel my mental pain physically

I just want it to stop

FUCK

I have became hurtful to my self again..

I don’t know what to do

I was already shattered but everyone and everything around me is crushing the pieces more and more and I can’t take it

everything is getting worst

I had a terrible breakdown today

I don’t see myself having a future

I’m crushed

I’m done

I disappoint everyone

friends.

family.

it’s very clear

there’s no point

to anything anymore

you know when you feel miserable for no reason? do you ever just feel like if you tried talking to anyone about it they would think that your wasting your time or they your attention seeking ? or if they did care you wouldn’t want them to be worried because you feel helpless anyways?

somtimes I wish I could go back to the begging and restart life , do things right , I hate life sm.

I don’t wana talk to everyone , I feel like secretly deep down everyone hates me and does not wana say it. I just sit in my room at night listing to music crying and hating my self 100x more.

why just why , I’m just . why?

do you ever just sit in the mirror and point out every flaw. everything that’s bad and wrong about you and think about all the bad things people say about you . am I good enough ?

I take my pills and I’m happy all the time .. happy all the time .. happy 💔

why can’t I do anything right, it hurts so much like I make a big effort but they don’t in return.

fuck life // 4:35 am

I wish I could hit pause and be left alone for a while. But if I do this in real life, if I isolate myself for a while, life just keeps going. You still have to do stuff, to answer people, to live up to some stupid expectations. Life doesn’t wait. And then I feel guilty for wasting my time, for not doing anything. I don’t even enjoy taking a nap. I just want to be in peace. Without all the trouble, the people, the expectation, the noises, the lights, and all the shit in life. Just pause everything and sleep. Stop thinking about anything. Stop feeling anything. Pure emptiness. But not the bad heavy devastating one. The sweet pure relaxing emptiness. Sometimes I feel so insecure as shit and I think about myself and these words are coming into my mind : “stick”, “ugly”, “small piece of shit”, “worthless”, “unattractive” etc. They just appear in my mind and all I want at that very moment is to write them down on my arms or my legs. And I think about how bad I want to take my razor blades and just do it. Just to let the pain go away. Just to make these words disappear from my mind. Just to be able to fucking sleep without feeling this way. But then I remember those words are already on my arms and/or legs. I remember I’ve already done that to myself.

And I realise I still want to do it again.

And I think that’s what hurts the most.

I thought I was doing better. Like not in a “Everything’s fine and I’m totally cured” way or anything. But for a while I felt, I don’t know, a little less bad about myself or about my life. And I remember I told myself it was good, I was making progress and I started believe maybe I could do it. But I felt down again. Harder, deeper, darker. I had another crisis, a mental breakdown. It was horrible. I almost forgot how the pain felt. When it hit me again, I broke down so damn hard I thought I was gonna die, suffocating. And it’s always like that. I think I’m doing better and then some shit happens and I keep making the same mistakes and I realize I’m still so fuckep up. It just feels like this will never end. It feels like nothing will ever change, and I will stay in this vicious circle my whole life. And God, I’m tired of this. Some days are hard.

Some days, I can’t. I can’t stand myself. I can’t cope with the idea of living with myself. I can’t look at the mirror without crying. Some days, when I look at myself, I only see “flat”, “ugly”, “stupid”, “not funny”, “worthless”, “dumb”, “useless” and it’s unbearable. Because at these days, I hate myself so much… And it hurts so bad that I literally shut myself down.

Some days, I don’t understand. I don’t understand what my family sees in me. I don’t understand what my friends like about me. I don’t understand how such amazing people could ever tolerate me. I don’t understand how people could want to be with me, because I’m such a shitty worthless garbage. I WANT TO DIE. OH GOD I WANNA BE DEAD. I.JUST.WANT.TO.FUCKING.DIE. I’M DONE. I CAN’T. I REALLY CAN’T HANDLE ALL OF THIS SHIT ANOTHER DAY. I WANT TO PUSH A BUTTON AND JUST STOP EXISTING. I WANT TO DIE. THERE IS JUST SO MUCH ANGER INSIDE OF ME AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I FEEL LIKE THAT. LIKE SOMETIMES, IT JUST HITS ME. SOMETIMES I’M ANGRY WHILE I’M ALONE IN MY BEDROOM. I’M NOT EVEN MAD AT SOMEONE. THERE IS JUST TOO MUCH PRESSURE AND I JUST KINDA BREAK DOWN. I WANT TO SCREAM, TO PUNCH SOMETHING, TO BREAK THINGS. IN THESE TIMES, NO ONE CAN TALK TO ME BECAUSE I JUST GET ANGRY SO FAST FOR NO REASON AT ALL… AND THEN I START CRYING BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING ELSE I CAN DO. I can’t keep doing this .. I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I TRY SO HARD… SO FUCKING HARD TO BE JUST LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS, TO LOOK NORMAL, TO FAKE A SMILE, TO PRETEND I’M OKAY SO THAT THE PEOPLE I LOVE WON’T GET HURT BECAUSE OF ME. AND IT’S REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT TO DO THAT. AND I REALLY TRY HARD BUT IT DOESN’T CHANGE ANYTHING. IT DOESN’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE AT ALL. IT’S NEVER ENOUGH. NEVER. AND ITMAKES ME SO DAMN ANGRY. I CAN’T STOP. I TRIED, I REALLY DID. BUT THE BLOOD JUST KEEPS RUNNING OUT OF MY BODY. THE RAZORBLADES REMAIN MY ONLY FRIENDS. THE SCARS ARE STILL THERE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I CAN’T STOP IT. I CAN’T… CAUSE’ I NEED IT. I don’t understand how people just don’t see the pain. It’s everywhere. How can they just live their lives like if everything was fine? How do they manage to do it every single day? How can they not see it? How can they not feel that something is terribly missing, that something is wrong? How can they just ignore the pain? How can everyone not see it? Waking up, going to school/work, coming back home, eating, taking a shower, sleeping - when we can - and doing it all over again, every fucking day until our death… Is that all? Is that really everything we can expect ? Is that what we call “life” ? I really miss taking baths. I used to when I was younger. It was my escape. I used to plunge my head into the water, hold my breath, and open my eyes. I didn’t hear anything. My vision was blurred. It felt safe, it was quiet and I didn’t feel anything anymore. And I’d like to do it again, just once to ease the pain I’m feeling right now. Only now, I don’t know if I’d get my head out of the water. I don’t know if I’d survive taking a bath. Because yeah, that’s how badly I’m damaged. I miss you every single day and I can’t handle you being away, not being here with me. It’s tearing me apart because I need you, and I just realize this now. I can’t deal with your absence. Everything reminds me of you. Like, I can’t even enjoy watching a sunrise, cause it’s nothing compared to the brightness in your eyes. Do you see how messed up I am? I’M REALLY STARTING TO WONDER WHAT’S THE POINT. WHAT’S THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS? WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SUFFERING? LIFE ISN’T REALLY THAT AMAZING, AT THE END. SO WHAT’S THE POINT?

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ayakashibackstreet · 4 years

Note

for the oc asks 20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them? and 31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?

93 fun OC asks because why not

Ahh, thank you sm, Bunni!! Since you didn’t specify characters, I was going to answer these for everyone but I got a little bit frustrated somewhere down the line, so this is how much I got, haha :P

20. Do they have anytitles? How did they earn them?

Finfe

She was born into aroyal family as the second child of the ruler of Esear – as such,the moment she was born, she gained the title of Princess of Esear.After the death of her older brother, she gained the title of Jauna –she was very young at the time and, as she herself says, ‘was notsupposed to be have it’, hence her rule was short lived before shewas dethroned. As a member of the Elehandro family, she was referredto as the Pink Rose.

Axciss

He’s Finfe’solder brother! As such, he was initially the Prince and later Jaunaof Esear; he also wielded the title of the White Rose. He’sconsidered to have been a quite revolutionary ruler, having been notonly for opening the country to foreigners once again but also havingpassed multiple reforms to make the lives of poor people easier. Hewas heavily criticised amongst members of the nobility for ‘wastinghis family’s funds on frivolities’ - the frivolities being simplyredistributing the money to his poorest subjects. He wasn’t able todo all he wanted to do due to his assassination.

As he comes back tothe realm of the living (‘on parole’, as he puts it himself), hecan’t exactly get himself involved in politics too much – he’sa dead man, after all. He joins the Exorcist Association under a fakename and with time gains the title of a Travelling Exorcist (he’stotally not doing it to avenge his father btw). He’s sometimesstill using his title of the White Rose in interactions with thosewho are aware of the existence of the Sould Realm or believe that hesimply faked his death. The moment it becomes clear that he is, infact, Axciss Elehandro, he’s going to use that title for all it’sworth.

Angus

Not many peoplebelieve him when he says he has a Bachelor’s degree, but he does!He finished Electronics Engineering, with pretty good grades, too.Going to college was a pain but he was sure it’d help him find abetter job and support his family better. Things didn’t work outand the closest he’s ever come to working in his field of study wasa salesman at an electronics store. He usually doesn’t even botherstating he’s technically a Bachelor of Science – he’s stilljust Angus and since employers didn’t seem to care an awful much,he grew to not care, either. Except for being very salty about it.

Loareth

They technicallyare an Exorcist but they lost their ID years ago and as such, theycannot actually function as a member of the Association. They don’tcare about that title much these days – after all, nothing comeswith it if they can’t fulfill his responsibilities to it. As such,if asked, they’d say the only title they can ever hold is maybe‘mister’.

Lea

Ifasked, she’d probably just answer ‘I’m only 18!’, smile andget on with her day. Inside, she’d get lowkey stressed out, asshe’d realise her mum wanted her to be in college already and shetechnically didn’t finish high school because she ran away.

Venicus

Ashe was born a noble, back when his family was alive, he’d be called‘young master’ by his family’s servants. As all of his otherfamily members died in the Purge, he could technically be addressedas Viscount Garrenia – hovewer, that’s assuming his family namewasn’tommitted from most recent records (it was)and that Esear currently still has nobles in the first place (itdoesn’t).

Despitethat, Axciss keeps referring to him as Lord or Viscount – he feelslike, at least in some way, it restores Veni’s family their status,makes it clear that what happened to them was a disgrace. Venidoesn’t really know how he feels about it – he treats it halfwayas a morbid reminder that he’s the only Bermirras still alive, aswell as an invitation for revenge. To be fair, that second one is notentirely unwanted on Axci’s part – he wants to make sure thedumbass murder boy still has something that he’s ‘left undone’so that he doesn’t do something stupid to himself.

Semyon

Hewas a peasant in his youth and a working class man in his adulthood,all the way up to the modern era. Despite most demons getting adegree or two (or more – they have a lot of time on their handsafter all), he didn’t bother getting a single one – he was toopreoccupied mourning his wife, as well as attempting to start asocialist revolution back in his country. He didn’t exactly getvery far with that, nor has the mourning calmed his nerves.

Tobe fair, Sema overall finds the concept of titles utterly stupid anduseless and even if he had one, he probably wouldn’t use it unlessit was funny. He won’t address others with their titles unless it’sfunny, either.

Mari

Shefinished Edgewood – however,while the academy is very much prestigious, it doesn’t give out anytitles relating to the primary field of study. The idea is that auramastery is not something that can be classified very easily withinthe academic system. In her resume, she’d probably just write downshe finished the Advanced Course. Still, at the same time, she wasparticipating in Edgewood’s art and language-related classes,eventually working her way up to a Bachelor of Arts title at the endof it all. She didn’t use that degree once. She just did it becauseshe kind of always wanted to.

Laterin life, she joined the Exorcist Association but as time went on, shestarted feeling like the job reminds her of her hometown way too much– as such, she basically quit and has been a mostly inactive membersince. Before that, she held the title of a Hunter Exorcist(capturing demons for the Association’s scientists). She, unlikeLolo, still has her ID and uses it now and then to access theAssociation’s databases. You never know what info might come inhandy.

Caroline

Carolinehasn’t held a title in her life – the Assassin Guild didn’treally give out titles – and she doesn’t really care too much.She finds them kind of pointless. If someone wants to be referred towith them, though, they probably will – they won’t understand whyexactly anyone would want that though.

Phil

She’shad her fair share of people calling her ‘sir’ due to herfather’s position as a baron. He doesn’t care though – he hatesthe very concept of nobility and bringing up his noble upbringing torefer to him with reverence of any kind willmake him sick. If you’re doing it to establish that he had it easyin his childhood though, he’ll concede and probably join inpointing out what a priviledged brat he was. They never use titles torefer to people.

Mergen

She’scurrently, in secret, doing online college courses. She’s partiallydoing it for the title, actually – she wants to be a Bachelor sodamn much… being self-taught is nice and all, but she envies thosewith academic titles after their names. Other than that, she doesn’thave any titles.

31.Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before theirown? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?

Finfe

She’sbad at taking care of her own needs. She’s never entirely sure whatshe wants, nor what she needs – still, she wants others, especiallyher friends, to feel good. Honestly, if you’ve been nice to Finfeat least, like, twice, she’ll probably want to do something for youso damn badly. If you’re her friend, she’ll move mountains foryou. Her biggest problem would be emotional support though – she’shorrible with words, so she feels she can’t help people much inthis regard. Honestly, she should take a bit more care of her ownneeds.

Axciss

Ifyou’re a member of hisfamily, he’ll literally die for you – no exaggeration, heliterally died protectingFinfe inher assassinationattempt. Hehimself, however, is uncertain just how much of it is due to puttingothers’ needs above his own and how much is it actually a need ofhis ina way. He still blames himself for what happened to his parents andthinks he has a debt to be payed towards his family. At the sametime, he’s afraid he’s doing any of it to simply calm down hisown conscience. He ends up basically putting his family (and Angus –he’s a friend close enough to be considered family) above his ownneeds but in such a way as to try to sabotage himself – trying topush them away at the same time, for example. As for how often…well, whenever the opportunity rises. Usually in regard to big eventsand important things, though. He’s the kind of guy who’llsacrifice his well-being for his loved ones and yet finds the conceptof, for example, helping out with baking, to be completelyridiculous. He doeswant to spoil his sister though. He doesn’t let himself, since hereasons it’s selfish in a weird way. smh, how annyoing -.-Honestly, in this regard, Axciss is very confusing, so it’s toughto answer.

Angus

Angusis always happy to help out – he wouldn’t mind staying up toexplain some maths to someone, even if it meant he wouldn’t getenough sleep. You’re a college friend of his and you’ve had abeer together? Probably won’t hurt asking Angus for help once theneed arises. He, however, doesn’t like being taken advantage of, soif you constantly ask for help and you’re not there when heasksyoufor help? Yeah, wouldn’t count on him letting that slide too manytimes, even if you apologise. He’ll probably be very upfront aboutit, too.

Ifyou have a slightly deeper connection with him (ie. you’re goodfriends, ex. Axciss, Finfe, Ethan etc.), he’ll be willing to helpyou out with bigger things and won’t mind getting hurt to do so.He’s protective of his loved ones – unlike Axciss, however,there’s a line he won’t cross. He wouldn’t be able to sacrificehis life for someone, at least not when he’s fully aware it were tohappen – not 100% sure if he wouldn’t do it in a heat of themoment though. If it were a desperate enough situation, he’d lookfor a third option.

Honestly,he puts others’ needs above his own quite often in those smallways. He makes sure to keep it balanced however, since he believesyou can’t help others well enough if you’re exhausted yourself.Basically, Angus is a very valid boy.

Once again, thank you for the ask!! Have a great day, I love you

#moonmochii #VT answers #OC tag #long post #This one is *pretty* damn long.

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bartsugsy · 5 years

Text

anyway here’s my opinion on litetally everything. no one asked but i still answered bc i’m bored:

me and kate @snowbasttien rewatched wedding - present last weekend and had a great time, it was great, would encourage everyone to rewatch and bask in robron going on some insane emotional journeys and being in love - on rewatch we both agreed that the story felt pretty balanced to us, likely because we didn’t have to deal with the hiatuses in between, but i suppose that differs person to person

but it reminded me how much good potential the ellis/billy stuff has when it’s interweaved with robron and that’s exciting

i’m enjoying it sm rip

re yesterday’s ep:

robert has this big habit of trying to play god with the people around him in order to get his way. it’s not a good thing and there’s a reason why aaron would be pissed about it. they’re married, yes, but robert once again took the decision to act on something affecting aaron without talking to aaron first

although frankly he wasn’t even that mad and f r a n k l y it was 90% foreplay prove me wrong

aaron inviting ellis to move in on the cheap just to spite his husband (but in a sexy way)? iconic

foreplay at its finest

they boned about that later that night

aaron spent a solid 2 hours telling rob he might not ever get to touch his dick again

rob: :(

aaron, already pouncing on robert: fine ily

circling back to robert’s literal god complex

rmr when robert destroyed gordon’s letter and aaron was so upset, because rob made a decision for aaron that honestly was aaron’s to make. rob thought he was doing the right thing but mostly he was just taking aaron’s agency away.

which is exactly what he’s doing here. aaron is telling robert he’s fine and is going to work on finding a way to accept billy living in the village and even if that’s a fucking bold faced lie, it’s still not robert’s place to take aaron’s decision out of his hands

and again, i feel monumentally bad for robert, because aaron historically has had issues with not talking about his feelings - and this has almost always led to aaron doing something dangerously reckless, or making horrible choices. like, i too would be concerned and want to encourage him to open up more.

but maybe instead encouraging therapy would be a better way to go lmao

rather than just deciding to slap a “quick fix” on the problem (that relies on people acting the way you want them to) (oh robert) (a little puppet master boy) (he just loves aaron and wants to protect him :( my sons)

so anyways i feel bad for them both

and i don’t think aaron is quite as a ok as he keeps saying lmao

maybe he’ll be fine forever

maybe i’ll just write some fic about it

that i will never finish

maybe productivity will take over my body we don’t know

maybe aaron will flip and do something terrible who knows

also i mentioned this earlier but so rarely do i feel compelled to root for robert’s schemes to actually work bc it’s much funnier to watch him scramble around for increasingly insane solutions

but graham.... bleh

like i genuinely think if joe was here rather than replacement-joe i might at least enjoy the home farm scenes slightly more bc all i can think at the moment is

how much of a 180 graham’s character took as soon as joe left lmao

it’s so silly and inconsistent and i don’t care enough about graham to fix it with meta lol

robert is a moron but no one can say he’s not pretty fuckin tough to go up against when he wants to be

he used homophobia accusations to get off of a murder charge he’s a fuckin icon

graham doesn’t know him though so maybe he doesn’t really know this

idk i guess i support robert crushing graham to pieces, joe rolling over in his grave and graham being so embarrassed that he disappears forever

bye g-dog

it’s much more fun to watch robert go up against people i care about lmao

where’s lachlan

having said this, i would be down with watching things get worse for robert before ultimately getting better? depends on how long they wanna string this out for i guess?

i’ve just realised how long this post is but i have MORE THINGS TO SAY

i think people were talking yesterday about how aaron isn’t contributing to the surrogacy fund and bc i missed the discourse i didn’t get to put my opinion forward on that

which is that one might assume that if you’re discussing a big and costly life decision, the natural reaction a couple might have would be to sit down, make a little savings plan, talk finances etc

aaron got as far as “it’s expensive” and robert was immediately like FEAR NOT MY LOVE I AM GOING TO GET US MONEY VIA CRIME

to which aaron was like sigh this is the man i have married

yes it is aaron you knew this about him going in

rob was determined and aaron does trust robert, for whatever reason, so he’s letting rob do this shit (on the caveat that aaron gets veto power on the stunts robert wants to pull)

i don’t really think that aaron contributing via crime makes sense for the character - yes he’s a dodgy little shit but historically, aaron committing crime has always been tied to aaron having some sort of breakdown lmao. he’s done a lot of work to like... not do that lmao. he’s morally grey in a different (and lesser) way than robert and always has been since day one. i just... idk i suppose i don’t understand the need for him to be an entirely different character lmao. i like that he’s marginally objectively better as a person than robert - but still not quite good enough that he actively opposes robert doing crime things

it’s an interesting point of growth in their relationship since 2016 when aaron really was just

not ok with any of rob’s litany of insnae schemes lmao at any point lmao

which resulted in a lot of break ups lolol

now they’re so much more comfortable in their relationship and in each other and aksjskjdjdjd beautiful it’s beautiful

no one even tried 2 divorce the other 😭 2016 ROBRON ARE SHAKING

THEY COULD NEVER

but honestly i just don’t see where robert gave aaron space to contribute outside of doing crime which aaron isn’t running to do

thankfully

particularly given how boldly arrogant and poorly hidden robert and nicola’s plans were lmao

that shit isn’t aaron’s forte anyway is it

he’s more about

stealing things

except he gets caught doing that a lot lmao

maybe he shouldn’t crime

having said this i love that he’s getting involved this week now that things have gotten to a point of genuine crisis

that’s when i think it makes sense for him to join in

or like... minor things, reluctantly and out of love for robbo

not because he just enjoys fucking people over when he sees the opportunity to lmao

i’m into it

this post is so long and i’m not even sorry

i have more feelings but i’m gonna stop here

in conclusion the secret to a long relationship is inviting ur sister in law’s boyfriend to live next door and pay cheap rent just to make ur husband mad as sexy foreplay

tyfyt

#robron #long post #lmao this is excessive but i had some FREE TIME OK #(....not at all true im neglecting so many things to write this)

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