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proxima-writes · 10 months

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i can see you (miguel o'hara's version)

pairing: professor/mentor!miguel o’hara x graduate assistant!female reader

rating: explicit (18+ MDNI)

word count: 4.5k

summary:

As Dr. Miguel O’Hara’s graduate teaching and research assistant, you’ve spent years pushing down the inappropriate thoughts you’ve had about the brilliant, gorgeous man.

But what happens when a late night at the lab and a scientific breakthrough leads to a breakthrough of a different kind?

author's note:

my first (but probably not my last) miguel o'hara fic based on taylor swift's song "i can see you" from speak now tv. if you enjoyed this, please consider reblogging or commenting and letting me know your thoughts!

content warnings/tags:

explicit sexual content (18+ MDNI), explicit language, no use of y/n, alternate universe - no powers, age gap (undefined), presence of power dynamics (teacher/student), author took scientific liberties (forgive her, its been 10 years since bio II lab), pineapple on pizza, potentially bad spanish translations, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, vaginal fingering, oral (f receiving), miguel picking reader up, unprotected p in v, size kink, choking, pet names, praise kink, competency kink, dirty talk. let me know if i've missed anything!

Translations you may need:

Universidad Estatal de Nueva York - State University of New York

Sí - Yes

Dios mío - My god

El Origen de la Genética Mutante - The Origen of Mutant Genetics

Mierda - Shit

Te lo prometo - I promise you

Lo juro por Dios - I swear to god

Arañita - little spider

Cállate - be quiet

Mirame - look at me

te sientes tan bien - you feel so good

Perfecto - perfect

________

You’re sitting in the front row, in the seat you’ve claimed as your spot, watching Dr. O’Hara pace in front of the projector screen that displays today’s lesson notes.

“And what is the hallmark of this mutant gene that demonstrates its incompatibility for transmutation?” He asks the silent room of undergraduates that have found themselves on the roster for his Mutation Genomics III course at Universidad Estatal de Nueva York.

A few hands go up around the room and Dr. O’Hara points to a student in the back who says, “Uh, it’s got a spiked protein arrangement that can’t be modified?”

“Is that a question or an answer?” Dr. O’Hara asks. There’s a sprinkle of laughter in the room and a smirk tilts his lips briefly.

“An answer,” the student says more confidently. Dr. O’Hara nods.

“Correct, but that’s not the whole picture,” he says. His eyes catch yours and he gestures for you to join him. Your eyes go wide as you stand and walk to his side at the front of the class. “I’m sure some of you that actually use your available resources to pass my class recognize my teaching assistant. And if you don’t, I recommend visiting her office hours during this section because this is her area of research.”

Your cheeks feel warm as everyone’s attention falls to you. Dr. O’Hara hands you the data pad and steps back, giving you an encouraging nod. You tap the screen, bringing the diagram up on the holo projector and making it larger.

“You’re correct that the spiked protein arrangement can’t be modified, but there’s something more limiting in this particular model. If you look at it from this angle—,” you spin the DNA diagram, “you’ll see something else hindering the modification process. What do you see?”

Hands go up. Dr. O’Hara points to another student who says, “There’s a gap jump. The spike protein would continue to travel across the gap jump and avoid any inserts.”

“Exactly. So, what’s the potential alternative?”

“Fill the gap. Target the spike protein in your modification cycle,” Dr. O’Hara finishes. “That’s all for today. Your exam next Wednesday will include this presentation, so don’t act surprised when you see the questions.”

A few students stop to speak with Dr. O’Hara as you gather your bag from your desk. His low voice calls your name, the timbre of it sending a shiver down your spine as you step up to his desk.

“You’re running a sequence right now, sí?” He asks, shuffling a stack of papers into order.

“Yes, it should finish around seven tonight. Sorry, I know that it's late for a Friday,” you reply. He waves a hand dismissively.

“I’ll see you in the lab.” His brown eyes flick to yours and your stomach swoops, heart skipping a beat, same as it always does when he looks at you.

Dr. Miguel O’Hara makes you nervous. Not only because he’s one of the most notable researchers in the field of mutant genomics, but also because he’s so handsome he leaves you breathless. He’s tall, towering over most men you’ve met, with broad shoulders and a tapered waist that are always covered by a suit and tie in the classroom or a lab coat in the research lab. His tan skin is complemented by dark hair and brown eyes that make you lose your train of thought when you stare into them for too long.

Which…is exactly what you’re doing now.

You clear your throat, stepping back from his desk. Had you been leaning closer? Christ, you hope not. You give him a brief smile before responding, “Yeah, see you tonight. Thank you, Dr. O’Hara!”

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Miguel?” He calls after you.

“Maybe when I’ve cracked the sequence!”

________

Miguel watches your hips sway in the jeans you wore to class today, the denim hugging your curves so well he has to bite back a groan. The door to the lecture hall slams shut behind you and he sighs, rubbing a hand over his jaw in frustration.

You drive him crazy. Every class period you’re sitting in the front row, watching him as you tap your pen to your lips or leaning over your desk just enough to give him a glimpse down your blouse or dress. Or you’re in the lab, delicately handling samples and extractions with a level of competency beyond your years, your lip caught between your teeth as you analyze a sequencing output.

He looks forward to and dreads your impending graduation in equal measure, being free from the constant temptation but losing the greatest researcher he’s met in years.

Miguel finishes gathering his belongings as the door opens and the next lecturer comes in, nodding at him in greeting. As he steps out into the warm Nueva York air, he has a weird sense that something big is coming.

He just doesn’t know what.

________

Miguel is waiting for you outside of his double locked research lab that evening, suit jacket hung over his arm and the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up to reveal tan forearms dusted with dark hair. Your brain nearly short circuits at the sight, conjuring up images of those arms wrapped around your—

No, you think. He’s your mentor. Your handsome, intelligent, and very serious mentor.

He looks up as you approach, corners of his lips tilting the slightest bit. Or maybe it’s a trick of the light, you can’t be sure, but he presses his palm to the biometric lock and the heavy metal doors slide open. He steps inside ahead of you, putting his face in the frame of the security camera. A red laser scans his face and a light above the second locked door goes from red to green, the click of the lock disengaging echoing in the anteroom.

You follow him through the door and into his research lab. The fluorescent lights glimmer off the chrome equipment and pristine bench surfaces. A machine whirs, running the sequence analysis you’ve been waiting on.

“LYLA, what’s the status?” Dr. O’Hara says as he sets his belongings on the desk in the corner.

“Sequence will complete on schedule. Also, your specimen delivery is available in the ultra low freezer,” Dr. O’Hara’s AI assistant, LYLA, announces, feminine voice carrying through the room.

“I have a surprise for you,” Dr. O’Hara says, tugging on his lab coat as he walks towards the ultra low freezer.

“A surprise?” You ask, setting your stuff down at the assistant’s work space.

There’s the beep of a passcode being entered and the heavy freezer door being opened and shut. He’s holding a tray of cryovials, the contents varying in color. He sets the tray on a bench top near your desk and pulls one out, holding it up to the light.

“Isolated arachnoid mutagen,” he says. Your mouth drops open in shock. You rush forward, pressing in close to stare up at the vial with him.

“You’re kidding,” you whisper. He hands the vial to you, fingers brushing yours. You hold it between your thumb and index finger to inspect the suspension, red in color with tiny flecks of black. “Dr. O’Hara, this is insane. How did you even get this?”

“A guy owed me a favor,” he says. You glance up at his face and you’re suddenly very aware of how close your bodies are. One deep breath and your chest would probably graze his, and did you just imagine his eyes dropping to your lips?

“That’s one hell of a favor,” you murmur, stepping back. “You want me to work on the extraction?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“You say that like I’m not your research assistant. You can tell me to do anything.” Dr. O’Hara’s eyes go wide and you cough. “I mean, you know, lab related. Research stuff. Yeah. I’ll get started on this. LYLA? Power up the centrifuge and thermocycler, please.”

“Centrifuge is online. Thermocycler will reach optimal processing temperature in t-minus five minutes,” LYLA replies.

You set up all the necessary supplies and prepare the sample for the thermocycler, going through the motions that are now part of your muscle memory - extract, vortex, centrifuge, extract, wash, set in ice. You set your tray of samples into the thermocycler and remove your gloves to hit the start button.

________

Miguel watches you run the PCR test, fixated on the confidence with which you complete each step and your words from earlier continue to echo in his head.

“You can tell me to do anything.”

Dios mío, he thinks. He pinches the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut as he tries to will away the possibilities that anything could entail.

“Sequence results are available. Would you like to review now?” LYLA asks.

“Display,” Miguel says. You spin on your stool to view the hologram of the spliced DNA you prepared. He notices an issue immediately.

“Fuck,” you hiss, stepping up to the control screen and spinning the model. “There’s a deletion.”

“You knew there was a risk of that.”

You zoom in on the model DNA strand, a broken gap shown in the mutation. “I know there was a risk, but it should have worked.”

Miguel crosses his arms and watches as you bring up the transillumination image of the DNA you had attempted to merge with a human sample. “You wanted it to work. Science is finite. There is no room for should.”

You glance at him. You look like you’re about to say something when the thermocycler beeps and he’s left to wonder what you would have said as you busy yourself with removing your tray of DNA samples. He leans against the bench as you assemble the agarose gel for electrophoresis.

“Tell me, why do you think there was a deletion?” He asks.

“The mutagen was incompatible with the human strand,” you murmur, adding dye to your vials. “Just the same as it has been the last dozen times.”

You’ve loaded the wells of the gel with your sample and set it in the tank, closing the lid and turning on the power supply. Miguel takes the remaining tray of arachnid samples to the freezer while your procedure runs. He understands your frustration, he’s run his fair share of failed experiments after all.

After about an hour, the hum of the electrical current from the electrophoresis tank shuts off. Miguel, who had been reviewing a journal submission for El Origen de la Genética Mutante, joins you at the bench as you remove your gel and set it on the UV transilluminator.

“LYLA, scan and project,” you ask the AI assistant. Miguel stands behind you, looking at the DNA bands you’ve generated. He’s momentarily distracted by the fact that he’s so close he can smell the sweet scent of your perfume, something citrusy that reminds him of summer.

You jump suddenly, back colliding with his chest. His hands come up to grip your waist, steadying you as you turn to face him, face lit up in the brightest grin.

“Miguel, look. This arachnid mutagen. It’s a potential match for insertion!” You say excitedly. “It has the same length as the deletion seen with the scorpion mutagen.”

“LYLA, show the current projection against the scorpion scan,” he says. The two images appear side by side and it’s clear that the band of arachnid mutagen fits definitively in a space that appears void in the scorpion samples. “Mierda.”

“You see it, right?” You ask. It’s then that Miguel realizes he’s still got his hands on your waist. He flexes his fingers experimentally, watching as your eyes go the slightest bit darker at the pressure.

“I can see it,” he murmurs. He wants so desperately to lean in closer, to back your body up until you’re pressed between the wall and his body, nowhere to go as his lips explore yours.

But he doesn’t. He drops his hands and puts much needed space between your bodies. He clears his throat.

“Prepare a combined sample,” Miguel says. You blink, checking your watch.

“It’s almost nine. Running a new combined sample would mean we’re here until close to midnight.”

“I’m familiar with how time passes, sí.”

“Are you sure you want—“

Miguel sighs, placing his hands on his hips. “You’re on the verge of one of the greatest scientific discoveries in the last decade. Do you think I give a shit about having to stay late? What kind of mentor would I be if I told you, ‘Oh just wait until Monday to change the scientific world’?”

“One with a work-life balance, probably,” you reply with a giggle. Miguel raises his eyebrows at you. “Okay, okay, combined sample. I’m on it.”

As you rush around the lab, it hits him that you called him Miguel. Not Dr. O’Hara. He’s not sure what that means but he’s certain he wants to hear his name from your lips again.

_______

Dr. O’Hara orders food while your new combined sequence runs, begrudgingly agreeing to a half pineapple and half sausage pizza to split. You’re sitting outside of the lab in the empty hallway, pizza box between you as you eat the slices over grease stained napkins.

“What are your plans for after graduation?” Dr. O’Hara asks. You shrug.

“Probably get my doctorate. No one takes you seriously in this field without one.”

He frowns. “You’re on the cusp of a major breakthrough, one that could change our understanding of genetic modifications and mutants as we know it.”

“Yeah, and it’s coming from your lab. You’ll get listed as the first author, that’s how this goes.” You pick at your pizza crust, tearing the bread into tiny pieces that you sweep back into the box.

“I won’t let that happen. If this works, you’ll be the first name on that paper,” Dr. O’Hara says vehemently. “Te lo prometo.”

You smile, caught in his gaze for a brief moment before an alarm rings from his watch. LYLA announces, “Sequencing complete.”

Dr. O’Hara stands, holding a hand out to you. You grasp his broad palm and he pulls you up with ease, the force of it making you stumble slightly. You press a hand to his chest to steady yourself, marveling at how solid he feels beneath your palm.

“Sorry. Slipped,” you murmur.

He doesn’t say anything, just stares at you with a crease between his brow and storms in his eyes. His watch beeps again and he releases your hand to silence it, the spell broken between you.

He unlocks the lab doors and you join him at the holoprojector, taking a deep breath. Dr. O’Hara brings up the sequence analysis, the hologram coming to life in the space between you. Your eyes scan the model, checking for gaps, deletions, frayed nucleotides, anything that could mean your procedure didn’t work.

You turn the projection this way and that, looking at it from every angle. You scan the result output reading, eyes jumping to the green SEQUENCING SUCCESSFUL text at the bottom.

You turn to face Dr. O’Hara, eyes wide with surprise. “It worked.”

“It did,” he replies.

“It worked,” you say again. You’re bouncing on the balls of your feet, your grin so wide it hurts your cheeks as you rush forward shouting, “It worked!”

Dr. O’Hara’s arms open to catch you, wrapping around your waist as he lifts you from the ground and spins you. He’s smiling, a rare sight for such a serious man, and it makes your heart pound in your chest as you stare up into his face.

“Dr. O’Hara?” You ask as he sets you down, his arms still wrapped tight around your back. “What—“

His lips collide with yours, stealing your breath from your lungs and your words from your brain as you melt against his broad body. The kiss is anything but gentle, with Miguel acting like a man starved as his tongue sweeps into your mouth.

“Dr. O’Hara—“

“Lo juro por Dios, if you call me that one more time,” he growls, lips trailing down your neck with wet kisses, “Miguel. Say it.”

“M-Miguel,” you whimper. He smiles against your neck before sinking his teeth against your pulse point, making you gasp.

“That’s right,” he says, lifting his head. His brown eyes have gone dark and he’s smirking as his hands find the hem of your blouse, fingertips ghosting across the skin of your abdomen and dipping beneath the waist of your jeans. “Tell me what you want, arañita.”

Rather than trust your voice, you bring your own hands to his shirt collar, working at the buttons of his dress shirt as he opens the fly of your pants. He slips his hand lower just as you reach the last button of his shirt, revealing the tight white t-shirt that outlines his impressive chest.

His fingers rub you over your panties and you feel your knees buckle at the delicious friction. Miguel chuckles, removing his hand to grip the backs of your thighs and lift you against him, your legs wrapping around his trim waist and your hands holding onto his shoulders. He sets you down by his desk, reaching around you to sweep the surface clean, pens and paper falling to the floor.

“In a rush are we?” You say with a laugh. Miguel raises an eyebrow at you.

“Cállate.” He kneels before you, lifting each foot to remove your shoes before turning you to face the desk with his hands on your hips. He grasps the waist of your jeans and shimmies the material down over your hips. When they’re pooled around your ankles, his warm palms grip each ass cheek roughly, spreading you open. “This pussy is even prettier than I imagined,” he groans.

“You think about my pussy a lot, Dr. O’Hara?” You ask innocently. A palm lands a smack to your ass cheek, heat blooming across your skin as you gasp.

“Don’t play dumb, baby, I know you’ve thought about this just as much. You think I can’t see it. Trust me, I can see you watching me in class with those pretty little lips wrapped around your pen, wishing it was something else. Isn’t that right?”

You gasp as he runs his thick fingers through your soaked folds, reaching forward only enough to graze your clit without giving it the attention you desperately want. He leans himself over you, his chest pressed to your back and his lips grazing your ear as he says, “Answer me.”

“Yes, yes,” you pant, the confession earning you that delicious friction, his fingers drawing messy circles around the sensitive nub. He withdraws too soon for your liking, a whine falling from your lips that he shushes, his warm breath on your pussy. You turn your head to look over your shoulder, surprised to find him on his knees.

As you watch, he spreads your cheeks once more before leaning in, licking from your clit to your entrance with a rough groan. Your head drops down, hitting the surface of the desk with a thump as he eats you out like a man who’s found water in a desert. The sounds echoing in the lab are downright indecent, deep groans of appreciation against your cunt and desperate whines from your lips.

“Miguel,” you moan, unable to keep your hips still as his tongue drives you closer to the cliff’s edge of release. “Miguel, I’m gonna cum!”

The man only grips your hips harder, fingers digging deep as he holds you still and doubles his efforts. The thread you’re hanging on by snaps, sending you falling into ecstasy as your muscles go tight and your breath leaves you in a shout of his name as you unravel.

He pulls away only long enough to stand and turn you to face him, lifting you so that you’re sitting on the edge of the desk, legs spread by his body. He wastes no time slipping two thick fingers inside of your still fluttering cunt, his grin sharp as he sets a pace that has you trying to wiggle away to escape the overstimulation.

“Ah, Miguel!” You yelp, trying to shut your legs. His free hand shoves one thigh wide, pressing it to the desk. “What–”

“Cum for me again, I need to see your face this time,” he demands. He curls his fingers, pressing against your front wall with each drag of his hand from your body.

“I can’t!”

“What was it you said to me earlier? I can tell you to do anything?” He curls his fingers harder, focusing his efforts on a spot that has you squirming, desperate to get away and to cum in equal measure. “I’m telling you to cum again, arañita, so be a good girl and do as I say.”

Your orgasm crashes over you in a wave, the tightness in your abdomen unraveling as you clench around his fingers. His movements slow as you try to catch your breath until he’s withdrawing, leaving you feeling disparagingly empty.

“Mirame,” Miguel says. You lift your head, pushing yourself up on your elbows and watching as he unbuckles his belt. “You made a mess, baby.”

You feel your cheeks heat with embarrassment as you notice the wet stains on the front of his gray slacks. The feeling is short lived, however, as Miguel unbuttons his pants and pushes them down his thighs along with his boxers, kicking them to the side as he reaches behind his head and pulls his t-shirt off. You’re blown away by how stunning he is, broad shoulders and chest that lead to sculpted abs and a defined adonis belt that draws your eyes to his thick and intimidatingly long cock.

“There’s no way that’s going to fit,” you tell him nervously.

“Why don’t we test that hypothesis?” He asks, taking himself in hand. You blink at him.

“Did…did you just make a joke?” Laughter bubbles up your chest until it’s spilling into the room, your shoulders shaking with the force of it. Miguel takes himself in hand, notching the broad head of his length to your dripping entrance and sliding inside the barest amount, just the tip, but it has your laughter morphing into gasps.

“Mierda,” he murmurs, gaze fixed where your bodies connect. “So fucking tight, arañita.”

You feel like he’s splitting you apart, the stretch deep and all consuming as he fits himself inside of you, drawing back after each inch and slowly thrusting back in and giving you more of his cock in the process.

“You’re so close,” he tells you. “You’re doing so good for me. Tell me how it feels.”

“It feels so fucking good, Miguel,” you answer honestly. “I’m so full.”

“Fucking right you are,” he growls. His hands shove your blouse up, bunching the fabric under your armpits to expose your breasts. He tugs the cups of your bra down before leaning forward, the last bit of his length slipping inside of you as his lips wrap around a pert nipple and his hand gropes the opposite breast.

Your back arches at all the sensation - the fullness and stretch of him inside of you, the warmth of his mouth and the pinch of his fingers. He moves his mouth to your other breast and looks up at you through dark lashes with darker eyes as he licks the taut peak while holding your gaze.

His hips draw back, the drag of each inch from your body exquisite torture until he slams into you, the force of it sliding you up the desk. You cry out, your hands gripping his shoulders and your fingernails leaving crescent shaped indents as you cling to him.

Miguel stands, his arms looping beneath your thighs so that the backs of your knees rest across his forearms, spreading you open as he picks up his pace. He looks down at your body like it’s his greatest discovery.

“Fuck, fuck, te sientes tan bien,” he growls.

“Miguel,” you moan, “please, please, please!”

“What are you begging for, arañita? Tell me.”

“Wanna cum, please, Miguel,” you beg. He drops your legs, reaching up to wrap a hand around the back of your neck, urging you to sit up. You keep one hand planted on the desk behind you, the other diving into his thick, dark hair, pulling at the strands.

He drags his strong nose along your jaw as he murmurs, “Greedy girl, but I’ll give you what you need. Won’t I?”

“Uh huh,” you moan in response. His other hand settles at the base of your throat and his eyes hold a question that has your pussy clenching around him in anticipation.

His palm creeps up, strong fingers wrapping around your delicate throat, squeezing the sides the slightest bit. Your eyes roll back at the pressure.

“Look at me,” Miguel demands, “look at me while I make you cum again with my hand around your pretty throat.”

You gasp for air as he pounds into you, your release sparkling at the edges of your vision. It explodes like a supernova across your nerves, your muscles tightening around him and making him moan, a deep rumble that you echo as his movements grow erratic.

He slams deep inside of you, cock pulsing and filling you with warmth as he groans your name, head dropped to your shoulder. You’re both panting, trying to catch your breath as the sweat on your skin cools and you run your fingers through his hair.

“That was—“

“Perfecto,” he finishes, lifting his head and pressing a sweet kiss to your lips, one that has your heart pounding even harder than the lust filled ones from earlier. “It’s late. Let’s get this cleaned up and get you home. I’ll drive you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” you argue. He scowls at you as you continue to say, “No, seriously, you don’t need to go out of your way—“

“Will you shut up for a minute?” Miguel asks. He holds your face in his hands as he says, “Get dressed. I’m driving you home.”

He steps back, the absence of him making you feel empty as you carefully stand from the desk on shaky legs. He hands you your jeans and you look around in confusion.

“Have you seen my underwear?” You ask.

“Hm? No, I don’t see them,” he hums, buttoning his slacks. The stain from earlier has blessedly faded.

You shrug, pulling your jeans on and fixing your blouse. Miguel cleans up the stuff he’d knocked from the desk, putting it all back in haphazard piles and grabbing his bag. He holds his hand out to you.

“Let’s get out of here,” he says. He must sense the hesitation you’re feeling when you don’t immediately grab his hand because he steps close, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close. “No one will see us. It’ll be our secret.”

You nod, digging your teeth into your bottom lip. “Just this once?”

“Not if I have anything to say about it, arañita.”

The most fantastic fanart by narutoss.ramen on insta that fits the vibe of professor! miguel:

#miguel x reader #atsv miguel #miguel spiderverse #miguel x you #miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara x female reader #miguel x y/n #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara smut #miguel o’hara fanfiction #atsv fic #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara x reader #spiderman 2099 #miguel spiderman #alternate universe #no use of y/n

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minervamagicka · 9 months

Text

[SSO Conversion] TS4 Dressage Saddle

At last! It is nigh! Includes 3 different saddles in 2 different polycounts (~13 swatches), with 1 saddlepad overlay (~14 swatches) that is universal to them all. Full LODs & maps.

If you post anything involving this saddle to tumblr & tag me in it, I'll be reblogging!

Important info, additional previews, TOU and download below the cut!

By myself & Schrodcat @ DA 🖤

Choosing a Version

First things first; in the download folder there are two different .rar files to choose from. One is labelled Highpoly and the other is labelled Maxispoly. YOU MUST CHOOSE ONE. THEY WILL OVERRIDE EACHOTHER IF YOU INSTALL BOTH HIGHPOLY AND MAXISPOLY TOGETHER.

The Highpoly version of the saddles is the original mesh resolution from Star Stable Online (which is surprisingly high-quality). However, taking into account the 3D pad and whether there are stirrups or not, it pushes the saddle very far out of EA's expected polycount range (the LOD0 on the Highpoly w/ stirrups clocks in at ~6,044 polys) which is why we have labelled this version as Highpoly. We offer it primarily for simmers who plan to be taking screenshots vs actually playing the game for extended periods of time, or for those with stronger PCs.

The Maxispoly version of the saddle is a decimated version of the mesh intended to be more in-line with Maxis polycounts, and therefore be more performance-friendly. It's about 50% less dense in polys than the Highpoly counterpart (LOD0 on the Maxis w/ stirrups clocks in at ~3,021 polys), however it is still higher-poly than the EA saddles, but again this is because it includes additional mesh details like a 3D saddlepad and/or stirrups, just bear that in mind. This version is for simmers who might have weaker PCs or intend to primarily play the game with the saddles.

Once you've chosen between Highpoly and Maxispoly for your saddle, you'll want to grab the saddlepad overlay .package. This saddlepad (it is found in blankets in CAS) acts like an accessory overlay you'd see for Human content, where it will replace the saddlepad texture on your saddle. You can use the saddlepad overlay without the saddle, but it's not exactly designed for that, as it's designed to match the UVs of the 3D saddlepad. It's unlikely it would fit the EA saddle or any other saddles as just as a flat 2D texture.

All the parts included have custom thumbnails, with the EA fit version having a special identifier.

That concludes all the required reading. Please note that the Realistic Fit of the saddles is not going to line up with EA riding animations and may stretch horribly on them, too. This is because it was rigged and weighted specifically for pose makers. It should look fine when posing. If you want a saddle to fit the EA animations, then the EA Fit version is precisely that, and is meant for gameplay exclusively. The saddlepad overlays are cross-compatible between the Realistic Fit and EA Fit saddles, & any custom saddlepads made by other creators, provided they're intended to fit the UVs, will also be cross-compatible!

Custom Saddlepad Resources (CC Creators Only)

Disclaimer: If you're not a CC Creator you can skip this section and move on to the TOU & download!

If you're interested in making your own saddlepad overlays, I highly recommend cloning the saddlepad overlay included in this download as a starting point. This saddlepad/blanket actually has a "mesh" attached to it (it's just the part of the horse GEOM where the saddlepad texture is) to allow for full normal maps, allowing for better-detail in your saddlepads. Otherwise, you can clone the EA saddlepads and just replace the diffuses with ones you make to fit this saddle, it just won't have that extra jazz.

Anyways, included the folder is a .psd file which is meant to help streamline making saddlepads to fit this mesh (and any future Dressage Saddle meshes/swatches) - There's a guide in the .psd but in general, just keep your textures within the mask/provided guide UVs in the .psd and you'll be golden!

Credit/link to me AND Schrodcat AND note it is a conversion from SSO if you intend to edit, replicate or otherwise use this .package, meshes & textures as a base for your own derivative work. Additionally, at this time, we both ask you do not backport this model or its' textures to TS3.

Do not sell or post behind a paywall, even a timed one. This tumblr is anti-paywall to the extreme. This includes any content that might be created under Rule One. Do not do this. I will think you are an asshole. I have had issues with this in the past and my tolerance for it is absolutely zero. Additionally this asset is exported from a copyrighted game with the intention of it being used transformatively for derivative fanworks; it may be actually illegal to profit from it!

Do not reupload. If you let me know if there's an issue with SFS, I'll reupload it myself. Please link to this post or to the .package on SFS when sharing.

Credits: SSO for the base mesh & textures; Schrodcat with fitting the meshes & testing/screenshots, me for putting it all together into one diabolical package.

Download [SFS]

☕ Buy me a coffee!

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#ts4 #ts4 horses #ts4cc #ts4 cc #ts4 horse ranch #ts4 horse cc #sims 4 #sims 4 cc

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anahilation · 3 months

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˙ ˖ ✶ ANAHILATION GRAPHIC TEMPLATE #007 — hurt !!

for pinned posts (or anything, rly!!)

fonts to have: arial (on system), amalfi coast (on dafont)

may need to move "move me" group for centering, or to be anywhere on the graphic

i make all of my resources for free and always will, but if you’d like to leave a tip my ko-fi is ANAHILATION. enjoy!!

feel free to edit however you like for personal use. please do not redistribute, claim as your own, or sell to others.

credit is not necessary, but always appreciated! a like & reblog if you’re using is the cherry on top. and also feel free to mention me, i’d love to see what you come up with!

my askbox is always open for any questions or suggestions on resources.

head to the source link to download on google drive!!

#rph #supportcontentcreators #dearindies #rp psd #indie rp #character psd #character template #rp resources #rpc

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57sfinest · 1 year

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theoretical entroponetics: the post

okay. LONG post incoming. i have summarized all available information on the pale, separated into confirmed objective truth & in-canon speculation that may or may not be true, and then appended my own very detailed theory on the pale! this post is meant as a resource; please feel free to add things of your own in replies/reblogs (please tag me if you do!) or point out any errors i may have made. you’re welcome to use any of my personal theory in your own work but please credit me if you do!! (and tag me in that/send it to me, i really want to see what you do with it!)

Here’s what we *know* about the pale, according to in-game and concept art:

It erases data, at least the kind stored on radiocomputer filament and magnetic tapes.

It has no dimensions of its own- pale latitude compressors serve to force dimensions on raw pale and allow navigation.

The pale is referred to in the context of entropy

It arrived with mankind, but not immediately- there are 8000 years of written history, but the pale was first recorded 6000 years ago, implying that pale either didn’t start forming immediately or that it was so insignificant/distant that it went unnoticed for 2000 years.

There exists a group of people who are actively trying to expedite entroponetic collapse; the ideology is called entropolism

To this point, pale isn’t immediately visible. Pale has molecular structure, but manifests as a waveform, and only becomes visible at a certain distance from the origin, once wave frequency is sufficiently high.

During pale exposure, people experience “sense objects”: visual or auditory hallucinations and/or vivid physical recollections of memories. These hallucinations may originate from their own consciousness or someone else’s. c

People require physical and mental examinations before interisolary travel and are allotted a certain number of days per year as their pale exposure threshold.

Overexposure results in a pale “addiction”- these individuals crave pale exposure, and it’s unclear if this addiction can ever be broken. It’s also unclear whether there is a point at which pale exposure becomes lethal, but given that it dissolves matter, we can be fairly certain that a given length of continuous exposure will kill.

Radio signals, cold plasma torches and anodic sound are all used to manage the pale to permit travel through it. Plasma torches destabilize the molecular structure of the pale to create gaps, anodic sound widens and maintains these gaps, and radio signals rationalize the pale into recognizable dimensions.

Radio signals are, in return, susceptible to corruption by the pale, resulting in entroponetic crosstalk, where signals from the past or the future are transmitted to the present. CCP is one such phenomenon and is directly related to the formation of new pale through magpie interpretation.

There is a dedicated Union for people who work in and with the pale (the Pale Workers Union). They have two slogans; “The light purifies; The sound absolves; The pale no more” and “Son et Fureur” (sound and fury)

Here’s what we may choose to believe about the pale, based on the thoughts and beliefs of in-game characters:

In conversation with Soona, the pale is described as a “curdling milk” phenomenon: “repulsive, but natural”

In this same conversation you can theorize that the churches were meant to contain the pale origins; out of the seven churches, six were destroyed during the suzerain or the revolution

The phasmid and whatever other lifeforms it’s communicated with believe that entroponetic collapse is comparable to an oxygen holocaust (i.e. the great oxygenation event), implying mass extinction due to a toxic overabundance of sapient thought

Harry refers to it once by saying “The wolf is at the door. It’s going to eat the sun.” so take that as you will

It’s likely that Tiago’s “Mother” is some manifestation from the pale, if you choose to believe that the 2mm hole is in fact a pale origin point (the concept art does confirm it’s a pale origin, but the game offers other explanations, so I won’t say it’s the only answer)

Inframaterialists believe that revolutionary action (NOT thought) may create a counter-force that will prevent the spread of pale; it’s unclear if any reversal is possible.

The world will be fully consumed by the pale in 27 years (I put it here because you may or may not believe that shivers and harry are reliably sourcing this information)

And now my personal speculation about the pale:

A quick and easy point: it’s confirmed that the pale has a measurable EMF “exhalation” frequency that varies with proximity. Strong enough EMF pulses can actually tamper with magnetic storage- radiocomputer filaments! Electronics! Fortress Accident data loss! This gives us a tangible explanation for why pale can delete data :)

This may also explain its ability to cause radio interference- radio frequencies are just a subset of EMF frequencies, so it’s possible that pale exhalation on *just the right frequency* is what’s responsible for the entroponetic crosstalk we get on radios sometimes

The pale canonically has an atomic structure, but it also has wave properties, so it’s possible that the pale has wave-particle duality on its subatomic level, like photons do

Based on this, entroponetics is likely a very similar field to quantum mechanics, which might be an interesting source of ideas for anyone (like me) who wants to explore pale-related possibilities

The pale could be a manifestation of raw patterns. That’s why math “forces dimensions” on it- it rationalizes or “tames” the patterns, which allows it to be manipulated to a certain degree.

There are several references to the pale that refer to mathematical concepts and patterns, saying that the world dissolves into “a tangle of azimuths and cosines” as it blends into the interisolary pale- more on this later

Steban comments that the pale is commonly theorized to be nostalgia or “historical inertia”, but it’s largely agreed that it’s “the past” in a broad sense. Thinking about the idiom that history repeats itself, it could be that history/the past is part of the pattern that comprises the pale, and that it’s also the type of pattern most readily perceived by people (people don’t viscerally *perceive* math, for example, but we experience memories)

To first define entropy: Chemically speaking, “the measure of a system’s thermal energy per unit temperature that is unavailable for doing useful work. (per encyclopedia britannica).” Physically speaking, it’s a measure of randomness or disorder in a system. Less work/less order = more entropy; it’s a physicochemical “winding down” of a given system

It’s commonly thought that pale is the entropic force, but what if it’s the opposite? (Keep in mind the chemical definition: less ability to do work = more entropy) Consider: the pale as less entropic, a cleanup force, recycling the potential lost by death and destruction in the universe. This in part explains why a dead person’s memory is present in the pale- their potential has been recycled into the pale in the form of their memories (their life’s *pattern*)

Enthalpy is a related concept to entropy and is defined as the total energy contained within a system. Holding the system enthalpy constant- saying the universe will always have the same amount of total energy, no matter what, according to thermodynamics- results in an entropic tug-of-war between the pale and the world. The pale wins through sheer inertia (again, inertia is mentioned specifically in game)

Overall: think of the world as “cooling”, losing heat and energy through war and death and complacency. Think of the pale as steam and heat, melting down old materials to start it all over again. (Kim says, *through entroponetic interference*: “it’s been a long, cold winter.”)

Consider: the pale as a sinusoidal function, eternally repeating. The pale recycling the universe to start a new cycle, “spending” itself, resulting in pale not being present in the beginning. Then, as the new things begin to settle- with the advent of the human mind, specifically- the pale reforming, slowly reclaiming potential, eventually ending the cycle to start again.

In comes CCP and magpies. Consider: CCP as a backwards transmission from the next “cycle” (after all, pale has no sense of time). Magpies as *pattern-sensitive* people who are able to decode CCP into something useful called novelty. They reach into the potential of the next cycle to build the potential in their current one- this paradox could be what creates more pale, because (and this is where it gets weird, I apologize) doing this retroactively increases the total amount of energy/work/potential in the current cycle to have been reclaimed by the pale for the next one.

Think of the pale as the compost bin for every single thought in the universe. The pale is the exact right size to compost every little atom and thought in the universe, and can hold nothing extra. But magpies reach into the future, the next cycle, and bring in extra. This paradox forces the pale to grow to accommodate the additional material, which also increases the starting potential of the next cycle. This process allows each cycle to accumulate minor changes from the previous one, which can snowball over many cycles.

Furthermore, to the inframaterialists’ point: revolutionary action would be such a radical shift in inertia that it would increase the potential in the world, forcing the pale to pause/shrink to “balance the equation” in terms of pale-vs-world thermodynamics. So maybe they’re right after all :)

And some diagramming, to explain the utter bullshit I’ve just dropped:

#disco elysium #entroponetics #the pale #disco elysium pale #the pale disco elysium #sorry idk the tags for this #theoretical entroponetics #this is all based on legitimate quantum physics and stuff so you could definitely go crazy with these concepts #if anything doesn't make sense please tell me!! i don't know how well i explained it #i'll be happy to rework things if i need to #anyway yeah so im deeply in love with the pale. im basically a real life entroponeticist now #also i didnt include in-game screenshot proof for brevitys sake #but feel free to add them or ask me for some and i can put it up! here or in asks #kiwipost #gen meta

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fuckyeahdindjarin · 11 months

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Pre-TLOU Writers Archive

A resource for finding pre-TLOU Pedro Pascal characters fics

Hey everyone, this is just an idea that randomly struck me. I joined the fandom fairly recently in 2022, but as we all know, our numbers have well and truly exploded since TLOU aired.

We are incredibly lucky that our fandom has a massive treasure trove of fics written by so many amazing writers in the last few years, especially for pre-Joel Pedro boys that new fans are now discovering. However, new readers will probably have hard time finding these fics because nothing about Tumblr is set up to efficiently find any fic, let alone 'older' fics published months and years ago.

Since there's been such a huge influx of new readers in the fandom who may be looking for new-to-them 'old' fics to read, I thought it would useful to start a list of writers who have been writing for Pedro boys since before TLOU aired to connect newcomers to ‘older’ fics. I'm starting with writers that I have personally read or know of, but please do drop me an ask or a DM if you would like to add or be added to the list (or removed from it)!

We have more than 100 writers listed in alphabetical order in the lists below. Please show them and their fics some love - follow, reblog, send asks and DMs! ❤️

A to H

I to O

P to Z (Part 1)

P to Z (Part 2)

Some admin:

*I am only including writers who have written for Pedro Pascal characters before TLOU aired. If I can't find a masterlist, then I can't add them to the list.

*If I missed anyone or accidentally left someone out in my screening process, please let me know! I'm only human.

*In case anyone twists this into something it's not, it goes without saying that there's always room for new fics and new writers! But the recency bias has been so strong these few months, I want to give some love to 'older' fics, especially pre-Joel Pedro boys ❤️

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rebeltarot · 4 months

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FORECAST ➕ Your 2024

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

[3 piles] ・ [3 decks] ・ [8 cards for each pile] ・ [letters, signs, messages, songs]

Hello friends! How insane that we are almost at the end of 2023. How has this year been treating you, and what are you looking forward to in 2024? Definitely let me know. I am so excited for this new year which is why I decided to create a reading all about what 2024 has in store for you. Enjoy. <3

Painting: The Birth of Venus - Alexandre Cabanel (1875)

Helpful Links: How to choose your pile ➕ Request a reading

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

PILE 01 ➕

Disclaimer: All Tarot readings on this blog are meant for entertainment purposes only. My Pick-a-card readings are based on my knowledge of the tarot and my intuition. Tarot is a divination tool and should not be considered a replacement for medical or professional guidance. It is not intended to be used as such, and any choices made in response to my readings are your own responsibility. All interpretations are speculative, and whether you believe in it is your choice. Readings are for self-reflection purposes only; take what resonates, and leave the rest. My readings are timeless unless stated otherwise.

CONFIRMATION

Signs and confirmation that this is your pile. This can be anything from your initials, astrological placements, significant messages or signs, places, songs, etc. Please use your discernment.

14:14, E, E, L, N, Good news in two weeks, Big, Like a thief in the night you stole my heart and called me yours, Empowerment, You got me painting pictures in my head, Wherever you go - go with all your heart, July, Cancer, Leo, 2, 9, 16, 23, 30

Life path or personal year number: 6, 5, 2

Song: My Power - CHIKA

YOUR 2024

Tarot: 6 of wands (Challenge Winner), King of cups (The Single Dad), 2 of pentacles (Final Two), 2 of Cups (Cheers)

Oracle: Socks, (Community), The Pillar, (Manifest)

Hello, Pile 01, and welcome to your reading. How has this year been treating you, and what are you looking forward to in 2024? Wow, we are starting with an amazing card: the 6 of wands. In 2024, you will experience success and public recognition. Something that you have been working towards and desiring to achieve will make a lot of progress, moving you toward the finish line. You will be celebrated by your surroundings and the people in your life, and I do feel like this win will lead to you having more confidence. The Final Rose deck that I am using for this reading also has additional keywords on its cards; in this case, it reads Challenge Winner. You will achieve something that was not easy, but you were passionate about it. You will be recognized for it not just by those around you but also by yourself. The King of Cups is our next card, and it reads: The single dad. You will meet a new person in 2024. This could be a father figure or just a figure of authority in your life. Someone who is guiding you through your journey. This could be someone who has achieved something on their own and is now teaching you to do the same with knowledge, intelligence, and a lot of compassion. This person seems devoted to either you personally or your cause. For some of you, you might be starting something new. We have a child standing on their dad's feet, and he is guiding the way. It feels like whatever you are starting or birthing in 2024 will be supported and guided by a benefactor. Someone who has already forged the path and is willing to guide you and help you balance your heart and your head. In 2024, you will have multiple priorities in life, and you will be improving your time management. Your resourcefulness will be key during the upcoming year, and it will help you adapt to whatever situations may come your way. It's so interesting because the King of Cups has talked about balancing your head and your heart, and the 2 of pentacles confirm just that. You might be making impactful decisions in 2024. Your bottom deck is the 2 of cups. Two figures are toasting to each other with a glass of bubbly. Again, there is a lot to celebrate, and this King of Cups person seems to play a big role in terms of you achieving your goals. This could simply be about a supporter with similar goals and interests, or it could be a romantic relationship and a partner who supports you and cheers you on. Take it, however, it resonates. Either way, love will play a role in 2024 as well, as it draws through your entire reading with it being your bottom deck, aka your underlying energy. I am so happy for you, pile 1. You will experience a lot of wins, and there will be multiple reasons for you to celebrate.

Your first oracle card is the socks card, and it talks about being cozy and introspection. Funnily, it made me think of the Beyonce song 'Cozy' which essentially talks about being cozy with oneself. You might want to give it a listen. I do think that you will be comfortable with who you are and who you are becoming in 2024, but do not let your comfort stop you from experiencing yourself and the world around you. Community will play a huge role in your coming year, especially this King of Cups person, as it sits above the community card in your spread. Partnerships in general are a big topic, be it professional, business, friendship, romantic partnership, or even all. You will come to find out the significance of 1:1 connections. Next, we have the pillar, which lets me know that you will build a strong foundation in the coming year, one that will support you through the years to come. This obviously relates to the community you are building, but it might also relate to the decisions you are making throughout the next year. It seems significant, and with the manifest card being the bottom deck here, it also heavily relates to your goals and your wishes. So overall, you will be laying the foundations for your manifestations to arrive in your life. This is such a wonderful reading. May you have a very blessed 2024! I would love to hear what you are excited about and what your goals are for the coming year. ♡♡

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

PILE 02 ➕

CONFIRMATION

Signs and confirmation that this is your pile. This can be anything from your initials, astrological placements, significant messages or signs, places, songs, etc. Please use your discernment.

C, I, G, T, Friday, Toxic, Gamine, Winter, Passionate, Younger, Christmas isn't a season - it's a feeling, June, Gemini, Cancer, 4, 11, 18, 25

Life path or personal year number: 5, 9, 2

Song: VKTM - SICKOTOY, INNA

YOUR 2024

Tarot: 5 of swords (Tattletale), The Hierophant (The Host), The Moon, Page of Swords (The Gossip)

Oracle: Frozen, Free Will, Death, Paradox

Hello, Pile 02, and welcome to your reading. How has this year been treating you, and what are you looking forward to in 2024? In 2024, you will find out who your real friends are. There might be some conflict and some arguments that you will have to deal with; however, it will allow you to get rid of people who bully and intimidate you. This hostility is something you have carried over from this year. These people that we are talking about here are people who judge you for the things you love and for what you stand for. They are unhappy and are therefore projecting this energy onto you. With two major Arcana cards showing up, it feels like a significant year. One in which you will discover your values and your morals. You will reflect on traditions, weed out what doesn't align with you, and keep the things that bring you joy. It's a year of spiritual wisdom as well as learning and education. The moon card confirms that you will discover something—some sort of truth—that will disillusion you and that will help you face your fears and your anxiety. Funnily enough, in this deck, there is a dancing couple on the moon card, and again, the hierophant is represented by a host. I do think that you will be open to whatever lessons are coming toward you. Whatever the moon card will unveil, it will be a blessing for you and will lead to a lot of magical moments. Your bottom deck is the page of swords with the keyword gossip. There is someone in your life who has negatively influenced you—someone who loves to gossip about things but equally gossips about you to others. I feel like this is a person who is curious and prying, and this someone rarely has good intentions when sharing personal information or judging other people. This could be someone younger than you and who might be an air sign (Libra, Aquarius, and Gemini; Sagittarius also came to mind).

We have the frozen card as your first oracle. It reads as follows: "Someone or something in this situation has gone cold. Some things are meant to remain in a state of winter; others can thaw out and be brought back to life again." This challenge card is sitting below the 5 of swords. I do think some of you will cut contact with this person or these people, and others will resolve this issue and start afresh with said people. Either way, it won't be easy, and it will lead to uncomfortable conversations, but with the free will card, we can see that eventually, everything is your choice. You decide how this will end and whether there is something to salvage. You have to make a decision, though, because the status quo is not meant to be carried over into 2025; it has to be dealt with in 2024. Next, we have the death card, which talks about change as well as the ending of a cycle. Changes are coming towards you and an exciting new beginning and experience. Some things will come to an end. It does not only have to relate to the person but also to your mindset and negative thought patterns. You will clean the house in 2024, giving yourself a fresh start. The paradox card is our final card. It made me think of the saying "the beginning of the end," which in itself is a paradox, no? But if we shift our perspective and consider an end as something that happens over multiple instances or chapters, then the meaning of the saying becomes clear. I do think that, essentially, you will learn that endings can be a good thing and that death and rebirth can be exciting and something you look forward to. This year might have two sides of the coin for you. And when you think you have lost or experienced something bad, you will soon realize that it was a blessing for you. It's a year full of change and growth for you, and you will come out of it wiser and stronger. I am so excited to hear your thoughts on your reading. What are your plans for 2024, and what are the goals you've set for the upcoming year?

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

PILE 03 ➕

CONFIRMATION

Signs and confirmation that this is your pile. This can be anything from your initials, astrological placements, significant messages or signs, places, songs, etc. Please use your discernment.

A, I, B, blank, Look out for trouble within a few days, Your next love affair will surprise you, Do you want me the way I want you?, Don't forget to be awesome, February, Aquarius, Pisces, 5, 12, 19, 26

Life path or personal year number: 9, 3, 6, 1

Song: I am - Jim Jones, Hitmaka, Stefflon Don

YOUR 2024

Tarot: The Hermit (ITM), The Hanged Man (The Cliffhanger), 6 of cups (Butterflies), 10 of pentacles (Hometowns)

Oracle: Socks, Maze, Dare to Dream, Self-Love

Hello, Pile 03, and welcome to your reading. How has this year been treating you, and what are you looking forward to in 2024? The hermit is your first card, and I love this energy for you. In 2024, you will go within and discover that you possess an intrinsic value. It's a year of discovering your self-worth and practicing self-love. You will be seeking out your own company more, getting to know yourself, and gathering as well as honoring your internal wisdom. The hanged man is reaffirming this message. The way you look at yourself and your worth will change and shift into a perspective of acceptance and appreciation. I do think that for most of you, this is a journey that you have already embarked on and that you will continue in 2024. I do feel that you will graduate in this area in 2024. The 6 of cups relate to childhood memories, innocence, joy, goodwill, and sometimes nostalgia. In this deck, it relates to butterflies. You will have a glow-up this year, both internal and external. You will graduate from your old mindsets and your old ways of being and seeing the world. Whatever perspectives dictated your life before 2024 will be overcome during the next year, and it will be a process that ultimately leads to freedom. Most of you will heal old wounds and old negative mindsets, and I do think that there will be a newfound appreciation for your inner child and your childhood as a whole. The 10 of pentacles confirm that you are ending a cycle successfully and starting a brand new one. Some of you may be returning to your hometowns; others might be leaving them. Either way, I do feel like in 2024 you will reflect a lot about your past as well as past connections and experiences. Family, be it by blood or by choice, will be a source of support for you during the end of this cycle. You might even consider or reflect on different traditions that you want to continue or let go of. This is a prosperous year for you, one of windfalls and abundance.

The sock card lets us know that you will be comfortable, not just overall but especially in your skin. You will be able to sit with yourself even if it's uncomfortable, or rather, especially when it is. What you will find out is that you can rely on yourself and that you are the last person who will ever abandon you again. It's a big year of introspection and getting to know oneself. However, make sure that you do not get too cozy and shut out the entire world. Solitude is important, but balance is key. The maze card is next, and it talks about a choice. I feel like something that was put on hold is coming back up again in 2024, and a choice has to be made to move forward. You might have been stuck in a certain area of life; however, you will find the puzzle piece that is missing, helping you to move forward. Next, we have the 'dare to dream' card, and I love that it sits below the 6 of cups. You will break through any barriers or boundaries that have kept you small and confined, and you will allow yourself to live authentically. You are going for the big dreams and the big goals this year. You allow yourself to take up the space needed, and you say yes to yourself, your dreams, and your goals. In combination with the self-love card, it's a blessed and prosperous prediction. You will find pride in yourself, and you will have reasons to be proud of who you are and who you are becoming. Your year is filled with a lot of elements that will fill your cup. I hope you have the best year ever. Let me know your thoughts about this reading and what your big plans are for 2024. Have a blessed year. <3

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

#pac #pick a card #pick a pile #tarotblr #tarot community #free tarot readings #tarot readers #personal reading #tarot of tumblr #free tarot #pick an image #tarot readings #divination #2024 forecast #witchblr #spiritual community #tarot reading #tarot #channeled messages

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 5 months

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Silver Lining 2

Warnings: non/dubcon, speech impediment, bullying and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: silverfox!Bucky Barnes

Summary: You have an unpleasant encounter with an older man.

Note: I was going to add this to the bookstore au but realised Bucky is a side character in Steve’s and not old so….

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You leave the cafe with your lukewarm cup. You were so anxious you'd almost forgot about the pepperminty goodness. You sip, slightly disappointed in the temperature. Still, it's yummy and you have your bag of books in hand. The day has been a mild success.

You walk along the icy pavement, the season nipping at your cheeks. Most people complain about the snow but it's your favorite. You don't drive so you don't worry for a slippery commute, you have your heavy-treaded doc martens and a downy coat.

You head down Ironwood hoping to catch a streetcar car only to find it skimming past. You sigh and drop your shoulders. You could use the exercise and it would be so bad as long as the path behind Jerry's Submarines isn't snowed over.

You cut through to the next street along a short alley and hop over the bank between the sidewalk and the road. As you do, you slip and stumble, a pair of headlights turning just as you fall into the street. I long fearsome honk blows in your ears.

You whip around to face the driver, raising your hand in an apologetic wave. Not the smartest move but the street isn't usually that busy. You brows pop up as you recognize behind the wheel. Oh boy. Not again.

You skitter away hoping he didn't recognise you too. That very same man who invaded your personal bubble and insulted your taste. Lisa doesn't believe it when you say you're cursed but it's hard to deny from your vantage point.

You get to the other side and keep your head straight, marching away without looking back. He drives by slowly past your peripheral and you dip onto the path, letting out a breath. Alright, no way you'll see that jerk again.

There's a blanket if snow over the path but not enough to deter you. You kick through the powder as you bob to the music in your earbud. You know, Mariah Carey's non-Christmas tunes aren't too shabby either.

You come out on Orchard, sipping your mellowed candy cane cocoa and swing the paper bag carelessly. You could start your podcast. You have more than enough resources now and the new books will be the cherry on top.

As you stride along Orchard towards Cornish, a car door opens and shuts. You don't see the figure before you until they step over the curve and nearly take you off your feet. You drop your cup, spilling what's left of the cold hot chocolate.

“Oh, oof, d-dude–” you sputter out as the liquid drips down your lilac docs.

“Dude?” The man grips the bag in his left hand, his other opening and closing in a tight fist. No way.

“Ew,” you let out the syllable without filter.

“Ew?” He eyes you head to toe.

“Y-yeah, y-y-you're following me.”

“Following?” He growls, “you girls sure do have quite the imagination these days.”

“B-b-but… you saw me….g-go down the path.”

“I wasn't even looking at you, doll,” he scoffs.

“D-d-doll?” You scowl.

“Oh, don't even--I could call you worse.”

“L-leave me a-alone,” you back up, gripping the wire handle of the shopping bag tightly.

“Happily,” he sneers, “I have a job so get out of my way.”

He shoulders past you, harshly. Your trads slip on the salted walk as you grunt and turn to eatch him strut towards the house just a few feet down. You rub the sore spot left by his gruff impact.

You shake your head a leave, thinking better of shouting ‘old man’ at his back. You probably shouldn't antagonize him. So you spin and tuck your hands into your pockets and carry on.

Your street is only a few blocks away. By then, you've almost forgotten about the strange encounters. The closer you get to the haven of your bedroom, the more excited you are to crack open your new books.

Your parents house is trimmed in bright coloured lights and the lawn decorated with plastic candy canes and full entourage of fake reindeer. The familiarity of your childhood home is both comforting and stagnating. You can't believe you're still here.

You go inside, leaving your wet boots on the mat as your mother calls your stepdads name from the kitchen. You unzip your coat and hang it on the rack mounted against the wall. You reclaim your bag of books and make your way to the front room.

“Dean,” your mom calls again as she appears in the hall, peering in after you, “oh it's you.”

“Just me,” you drone and continue towards the stairs. You stop at the bottom, “mom,” she keeps from retreating and looks back at you, “need help?”

“Oh, no honey, I almost got it figured out. So, how's the job hunt?”

You try to smile. Oh, that. You can't live off severance forever and the settlement is never going to happen.

“Good,” you lie, shifting the bag behind your hands.

Maybe you should be a bit more prudent. It's an investment, for your podcast. You just need to figure out how to record. And how not to stutter every other word.

You're only thirty. You have time to smooth out details. Don't you?

You turn and plod up the stairs and into your bedroom. The clutter greets you along with the nest of blankets tangled in your bed. What are you even thinking? You can hardly keep your room tidy.

It's not your fault. Your mom says so. Lisa too. But it has to be. You had it all, a good job, a nice apartment, independence. You blew it all. If you'd just kept your mouth shut.

But wasn't that the problem? Isn't that why you're getting therapy? So you can speak up next time. So there won't be a next time.

You sniff and sit at the desk, adding the bag to the mess. You hang your head in the darkness as the snow reflects the sheen of street lights through the window. It takes time, Lisa says, but you feel it running out.

#bucky barnes #dark bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #drabble #series #au #silver lining #mcu #marvel #avengers #winter soldier

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befemininenow · 7 months

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A quick, basic guide towards Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and its changes for transgender women and other identities

Note: This guide is primarily for transgender women/girls who are looking for gender affirming therapy and resources. However, if any transgender men, non-binary, and other gender identities are reading this, please share this post as you may end up helping someone who is considering transitioning into a woman (or girl). Note that this guide may be uncomfortable to some as I will discuss about topics like gender dysphoria or use a few words that may feel triggering, but never in a transphobic manner. I am trans myself and considering gender affirming therapy. However, my knowledge about this topic is still limited, so please bare with any mistakes that I may end up writing throughout this guide. You are more than welcome to write additional information provided it helps with this guide. Links to sources will be provided at the end of the guide. Use them for more detailed and more accurate information.

Do not use this HRT guide or resources to fulfill some “sissy task” or fetish, nor to harm or discredit trans people.

So, you have tried on the clothing, practiced voice training, applied makeup, etc. You have tried everything you can to “feminize” yourself. But no matter how you look on the outside and feel on the inside, you still see someone different looking at you in the mirror and feel distress to the point where you lose sleep. As much as you hate admitting it, you probably have gender dysphoria. If you’re at this stage, it’s time you start finding gender affirming therapy. The problem is, where do you start?

Diagnosing Gender Dysphoria and recognizing its signs

As I have stated in one of the guides I reblogged in the past, it is not necessary to have gender dysphoria to be transgender. However, many transgender people deal with this distress and it can detrimental to their overall health. For instance, if you’re dressed as a girl and feel like a girl, but you see someone in “drag” looking back or focus on signs of “masculinity”, you will definitely feel uncomfortable and have feelings of “impostor syndrome”.

Some signs of gender dysphoria include, but not limited to, hiding any facial and body hair, dislike towards your “assigned parts”, dysphoric when presenting as a male (or other assigned gender different from preferred identity), etc. If you have more than two of these signs and recognize them, you most likely have gender dysphoria and should start looking for help ASAP. Untreated gender dysphoria can escalate towards more detrimental consequences, such as neglect, isolation, depression, anxiety, and even $ui(ide. If you’re suffering from the latter symptom and are not under any form of care, please stop reading this article and call your nearest lifeline center now!

That being said, if you’re experiencing some signs of gender dysphoria even after socially transitioning and desire to feminize your body, the best solution will be taking hormone replacement therapy.

What is Hormone Replacement Therapy (aka HRT)?

Hormone Replacement Therapy, short for HRT (this, is a type of medical solution given to patients who lack sufficient estrogen or testosterone levels due to a hormonal imbalance caused by menopause or due to surgeries such as a hysterectomy. [1] HRT is also provided to transgender individuals as a way to help their physical body adapt to their gender identity. Known as feminizing hormone therapy, the transitioning person will develop secondary sex characteristics typical of cisgender females with the help of various types of medication. [8] Gender specialists typically (but not always) use gender dysphoria as a main reason to provide the patient with gender affirming therapy.

Why do transgender people take HRT?

The point of HRT is that it helps transgender people develop physical traits that are more in line with their gender identity when the right hormones take place in the body. In the case of transgender females, taking HRT will feminize their physical characteristics into that of of their cisgender female relatives. Not only does transitioning decrease the trigger of gender dysphoria, but it also boosts the mental health of trans people as they become more comfortable with their body aligning into their gender identity. In fact, a study done by a team of researchers based on Stanford University School of Medicine found that the earlier trans people commence their transition, the less likely they are to develop characteristics of their assigned birth gender since their puberty cycles become more active during adolescence. Those who commence transition into adulthood are more likely to fall into bad habits, mental issues, and social isolation. The researchers concluded after finishing of survey of over 20,000 participants that the best treatment towards gender dysphoria is to take HRT as some of the participants felt their livelihood vastly improve once they received hormone therapy. To summarize, HRT is the only effective solution for trans people to finally feel comfortable with their bodies once they develop their gender identity’s characteristics.

The different types of HRT medication

Once you’re deemed eligible to receive gender-affirming therapy, you will definitely want to celebrate your new milestone. Now it’s time to identify the different forms of medication you may be provided for your transition.

Pills: This one is the most common type that is prescribed for transgender people due to its affordable cost and ease to make. However, taking oral medication requires you to take daily as the feminizing effects are slower and less evenly-distributed.

Injections: This one is the most effective form since the hormone medication goes directly to the bloodstream and rarely comes with the side effects of hormone pills. However, it is more expensive to produce and purchase, as well as being the most difficult to ingest as it involves piercing your skin with a needle.

Patches: By far the most convenient and very effective method of hormone medication as it fluctuates less in hormone distribution and evens it out throughout the body. You are only required to change patches every 3 to 4 days. Unfortunately, HRT patches aren’t convenient if you have experienced irritation with patches in the past. Consult your physician if HRT patches are right for you.

Here are the types of feminizing hormones you will be provided by your physician and/or medical provider. Each one is crucial to your transition:

Estradiol: Used among cisgender women for causes such menopause and hysterectomy, it is also used among transgender women/girls to promote physical changes on their appearance. This results in their bodies to develop a feminine appearance in line with cisgender women. Depending on their hormone levels, trans women usually take 2mg of Estradiol to take effect of their feminization.

Anti-androgen: This medication is a testosterone blocker and is very helpful to one’s transition if their hormone levels indicate a high level of testosterone. Although it doesn’t completely deplete all of your testosterone, anti-androgens help neutralize your levels to an acceptable rate. Estradiol cannot be effective without balancing your hormone levels. Spironolactone is the most common form of anti-androgen.

Progesterone: This medication is used in later stages of transition. Once your therapist and/or physician see your estrogen levels reach a certain level, progesterone is added as an estrogen booster. This will promote other feminizing changes, such as increasing breast volume, tissue softening, and allegedly, mental changes. This medication, however, is controversial since modern endocrinologists have found the alleged effects of progesterone being almost ineffective. In part, this is due to advancement of medicine and better access to effective solutions. Despite this, several physicians still prescribe progesterone to transgender women/girls as an option.

DHT blockers: For those who produce more testosterone to the point where it converts into a stronger androgen called dihydrotestosterone (DHT), these medications are necessary. There are two types of DHT blockers used: Finasteride and Dutasteride. Both medications are vital for your transition as they block excess androgen, reduce scalp hair loss, and may thin out facial and body hair. Check with your insurance provider as this medication may not be covered by them.

Cause and effect of HRT

This is where many people want to know the effects of feminizing therapy among trans women and trans girls. Keep in mind that a transition is that: a timeline of several changes that occur within a period of time. Most trans women/girls take about a year to notice any change in their appearance, but it wouldn’t be until 2 to 3 years until they notice a drastic change on their timeline.

The following changes are what trans women and trans girls physically experience during transition:

Skin: Your skin would start to soften a bit within 3 to 6 months, but its maximum effect varies by individual. Your skin will glow and oil will reduce while color tone may even change to that of a cisgender girl.

Legs and feet: Muscles will start to atrophy while body fat will be more retained. Your legs will start to slender while your foot size may shrink due to the thinning of the cartilage. This process takes around 3 to 6 months to take effect.

Hair: Scalp hair will start becoming voluminous while body hair will start to thin out and fall off. Process takes 6 to 12 months. Facial hair may thin, but will still retain even after months on HRT. Electrolysis will be required if you desire to eliminate any remaining facial and body hair.

Arms and hands: Upper arms start atrophying about 3 to 6 months and hands and arms thin out to a more feminine shape. Nails become more brittle while arm hair may even fall off.

Breasts: Areolas and nipple area start expanding while bust starts to enlarge. Process usually takes at least a year to see any effect and maximum growth can take up to 5 years.

Genital area: Penile length and testicles shrink and atrophy within 6 months and infertility may occur even sooner.

Body fat: Estrogen will increase the amount of body fat you will store and will be noticeable in the thighs, back area, and waist.

Height: This factor may vary on the individual. Based on a few testimonies, trans women usually lose an inch or two (~5cm) from their pre-transitioning height. This is due to the thinning of the feet’s sole and possibly the arching of the back. This process takes up to even 2 years before it becomes noticeable.

Body odor: Your body odor starts to change after a few months under HRT. Your body odor starts smelling sweeter and more metallic, similar to a cisgender woman.

Here are areas where transition may not change your physical appearance and traits:

Voice: Despite popular belief, HRT does not alter the voice at all. While you may experience a slight change in pitch, hormones do not feminize the voice of trans women in the same manner hormones masculinize the voice of trans men. The best solution is to take voice feminizing therapy through exercises. Voice feminizing surgery is also a consideration, but has its own risks.

Bone structure: Unless HRT is taken at a younger age, preferably during puberty, there is no way to change your skeletal system without costly and risky surgeries. Hip surgeries exist to expand the narrow hip area while HRT may promote a shrinking height as pointed earlier. Unfortunately, there is no effective surgery to reduce broad shoulder length.

Remaining body hair: While HRT may reduce the amount of body hair, it does not eliminate facial hair and some body hair may remain after thinning. Electrolysis is required if you desire to permanently eliminate any type of body hair and is costly and time-consuming.

Other changes where HRT may provoke a change is also present in the way we think. Here are some of the mental changes we may experience under HRT:

Emotions: You become more sensitive to feelings and are more prone to cry under certain circumstances. For instance, you may take a small compliment either to heart or feel offended while a dramatic scene in a movie may feel very heartbreaking.

Sleep: It becomes much easier for you to fall asleep while waking up becomes more energetic. This is due to a boost of melatonin present in estrogen. Sleep depravation is surprisingly common among trans girls and trans women prior to transition.

Mood swings: There will be occasions where you may experience nausea and even feelings similar to hot flashes.

Smell: You become more sensible to smell and some odors become either very pleasant or very intolerant.

Sexuality: This one is more controversial. There have been cases where HRT affects one’s sexuality, not just by sexual orientation/attraction, but by function. For instance, you may find your interests shift into that of a heterosexual cisgender woman while your expressions become more receptive. You may not even find any changes at all under HRT. Many argue that it’s not HRT that affects your sexuality, but rather by accepting your inner, true feelings and detecting gender envy.

Social changes during transition (non-HRT related, but very important)

This process is a very challenging stage for transgender people of all identities and is one that prevents many from ever coming out. As someone who is still in this stage, I sympathize with many of you. As unfortunate as it sounds, here are some of the challenges you may end up facing as a trans woman or trans girl:

Acceptance: This is perhaps, the most difficult stage of one’s coming out. You’re not just coming out of the closet to your family members, but to friends, neighbors, co-workers, colleagues, etc. Do not be surprised if anybody from this list does not accept you. We’re currently living in a time where transphobia is being heavily promoted among social circles who attempt to persuade the neutral or uninformed into believing false stereotypes of trans people. The best you can do should you face an unaccepting member is to cut them off until they are ready to accept you.

Legal document changes: This varies depending on the country or region you live. Although name changes are usually allowed, gender or sex markers are much more difficult to change. You can live in a place like Washington State where changing your marker from M to F can be a breeze while states like Oklahoma bar you from changing your marker at all. [3] Some countries like the UK can take years to change your marker while some countries of Asia do not allow any sex marker change unless you submit documents verifying a sex change (i.e. SRS). [4]

Appearance and adaptation: Adapting yourself as a trans woman in today’s world can have variable results. While some areas such as San Francisco are accepting of anyone LGBTQ+, transphobia still exists in those areas. Whether it’s the bathroom or even outside your home, you always want to make sure you are safe from any transphobic attack. One effective way to prevent that is by “passing”, which is the process of presenting yourself as your internal gender as close as possible. Many trans women make the effort to feminize their appearance through clothing, movements, voice training, makeup, and even interests. Not only does it help trans women appear more feminine outside, but it also gives them a sense of gender euphoria, a feeling of happiness and peace where they see and feel like themselves. If you know anyone supportive of your transition, especially a woman, don’t be afraid to ask for any tips on how to present yourself, how to apply the right blush, and other things that may benefit with your social change.

Surgeries to consider

After a certain amount of time, there is a chance you want to improve the look of your body to a certain degree. As powerful as HRT can be, it won’t remove the thing down there nor would it blow your chest to a D-cup unless your female family members are bustier than that. Whether its to help your gender and/or body dysphoria, whatever options you choose should make you feel great. It’s recommended you have at least 24 months under HRT before commencing these surgeries. Here are the options for feminizing surgery:

Breast augmentation: Let’s face it: we’re never going to get a nice pair of boobs unless our genes defy it or if our mom or female cousins also have big breasts. Many cisgender women also have that trigger of not having a desirable size on their chest. Breast augmentation is an option for those who want to increase their size without resorting to placebos or who are tired of wearing breast forms all the time.

Hip and butt enlargement: Most trans women have an inverted triangle body shape. Because of that, their hip area is not as wide as they desire to be. In some cases, you may not even have a large bum and want to grow bigger. Hip enlargement is available for those who desire a curvier look and the results are very pleasant. However, you can only stretch the hip area to a limit. As for the bum, there are surgeries that help enlarge and feminize the appearance. The most popular is the Brazilian Butt Lift (BBL). If you’re going that route, I highly recommend looking for a professional surgeon as many BBLs tend to look botched after a certain period.

Lip Filler: This surgery is made to enhance your lips to a more feminine appearance. Although HRT may alter your lip shape, it won’t make you look like Kylie Jenner either. This is done through a form of injections and will help your appearance look more feminine. This is recommended for those who only want to feminize their lips and are not interested in the following procedure.

Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS): This is one of the most common surgeries done when undergoing transition. It not only involves lip enhancement, but also involves reshaping the jawline, removing most of the brow ridge, slight enlargement of the eye area, reducing Adam’s apple, and nose reduction. This surgery can be very painful and requires extensive care for about two weeks before showing signs of healing. The benefits will outweigh the cons, however, if your aim is to feminize your appearance.

Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS) or Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS): This is by far, the most notable surgery when it comes to feminizing transition. SRS/GRS is a process that involves reconstructing the trans woman’s penile area into a functioning neovagina. SRS/GRS is a life-changing surgery for trans women and in many cases can alleviate genital dysphoria. It can also improve sex life and makes it easier for trans girls to fit into garments and clothes without the need of gaffs and tucks. However, it is not without its drawbacks. Not only is SRS/GRS a difficult surgery to perform, but it’s also a very costly surgery to pay for and recover from. The amount of time it takes for a trans woman’s new organ to fully heal can take up to a year and involves constant dilation therapies that are painful and time-consuming. If not done right, it can even be life threatening. Although many trans women are comfortable living with a male organ, some states and countries do not allow you to change your gender/sex marker without performing this surgery.

Electrolysis (aka. Hair removal): Unlike the previous surgeries, electrolysis does not require you to be under HRT. This is a type of surgery that you can get even before starting transition. Electrolysis is highly recommended if you are planning to eliminate any excessive or thick body hair or if you’re planning to remove facial hair.

Where to find HRT

There are many ways someone can find HRT to commence their transition. However, many resources are currently being threatened by politicians, zealots, and transphobes around the world. It is very important you find the proper help as some spots that promise “HRT” are either placebos or medication that may even harm you! For those living in the US, here are some of the resources I found for those looking for HRT:

Planned Parenthood: This is the most accessible spot to receive gender affirming therapy and may even be free if your healthcare provider is compatible. Almost anyone is eligible and very safe compared to other resources. There are a few cons, however. Not every state has these centers and some are either too far away or may not even provide HRT at all. Sometimes, those that do provide HRT may not have enough medication to provide and are placed on a waiting list. The best solution I can give is to either contact your closest Planned Parenthood for available HRT medication or look up at this link below to see where you can receive the nearest help: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-care/our-services/transgender-hormone-therapy.

Online providers: For those that live outside of public health centers, online providers for HRT is another solution. The most popular sources are Plume and Folx. Each plan provides you a checkup of lab tests, gender evaluation, and access to clinical care. Some have their advantages and cons that make them different. While Plume offers letters of references to doctors and physicians, Folx offers quarterly lab checkups that are crucial to your feminizing transition. The big drawback is that both are not covered by healthcare providers and require you to pay a monthly free of 100 US dollars. They are also not available at every state.

DIY: Although I don’t recommend DIY HRT, this is a route many trans girls and trans women often take due to a lack of resources around their area, as well as the attack on HRT therapy on states such as Florida. It is very important you connect with a close circle knowledgeable in obtaining safe HRT alternatives. There are many blogs here on Tumblr that sell you hormones, but they are questionable due to their varying levels of estrogen that may either be incompatible with your body or may even affect you. If someone approaches you with a message selling you HRT, whether it’s here or on any social site, avoid them at all costs, especially those whose blog’s main target are “sissies, traps, femboys, transvestites, etc.” You may end up buying ashwagandha in high doses, which is not only a testosterone booster, but can even cause irreversible harm if taken for too long.

Resources and support

As much as I would love to be a help, not everyone has the same outcome when it comes to transition. Some of us have circumstances that prevent us from transitioning, such as lack of medical resources, unsupportive peers such as family, persecution and/or lack of protection, economic problems, health issues, questioning, etc. This is where a few solutions can be provided to you.

In the US (and Canada to some extent), Trans Lifeline is a beneficial resource for those who are in need of support, especially in these harsh times. Trans Lifeline is a non-profit run by trans people and aims as a safer alternative to other resources who are more likely to invalidate or even oust gender identities to authorities. If you would like to know more about Trans Lifeline, click on this link here. If you or someone else you know is trans are in deep need, call/save this number: US Hotline (877) 565-8860. Canada Hotline (877) 330-6366⁣.

For those outside the US, if you live in a situation where your life may be in danger for being trans or any identity under the trans umbrella, check out Rainbow Railroad as they are a non-profit whose main objective is to provide safe sheltering for anyone who identifies as LGBTQ+. Although they are based in the US and Canada, they have presence in various parts of the world and can help you relocate to a safer spot, as well as provide resources to put you on track. Click on this link if you would like to learn about Rainbow Railroad or share it to someone in need

Conclusion

I hope this guide gave you an idea of what MTF hormone therapy is and what to expect of its effects. HRT is a very helpful method for transitioning people when done effectively through medical help and emotional support. Even if you’re not looking to transition under HRT or may not even be trans yourself, it’s very important we have at least a clear knowledge of what trans people are going through and what we can do to help without subjecting them to prejudice. Please give a like and/or reblog as you may never know if one basic guide like this can be a great help for someone in need. If you’re looking to research more about transgender hormone therapy and resources, I left a few links on the sources below as they are much more insightful than what I provided. If you have any questions, find blogs and sites specialized in transgender help such as Trans Lifeline or even blogs such as Reddit’s r/asktransgender. Thank you!

Sources:

https://www.nhsinform.scot/tests-and-treatments/medicines-and-medical-aids/types-of-medicine/hormone-replacement-therapy-hrt

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-great-northwest-hawaii-alaska-indiana-kentuck/patients/health-care-services/hrt-hormone-therapy-for-trans-and-non-binary-patients?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5eSPucLUgAMV_izUAR1uYAEyEAAYAiAAEgIuoPD_BwE

https://www.lgbtmap.org/equality-maps

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2022/01/mental-health-hormone-treatment-transgender-people.html

https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/right-to-change-legal-gender-equaldex

https://www.hrc.org/resources/attacks-on-gender-affirming-care-by-state-map

https://transcare.ucsf.edu/article/information-estrogen-hormone-therapy

https://www.folxhealth.com/gender-affirming-care

https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/feminizing-hormone-therapy/about/pac-20385096

https://www.rainbowrailroad.org/

https://translifeline.org/

https://transcare.ucsf.edu/transition-roadmap

#transgender #feminine #trans hrt #guide #helpful #mtf hrt #trans #trans girl #gender affirming #be informed #trans rights #lgbtq #lgbtq pride #here to stay #trans pride #ally

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senorabond · 2 months

Text

Rumor Has It: Chapter 8 Peña x f!reader x Pike

Pairings: Javier Peña x f!reader; Marcus Pike x f!reader; future Peña x f!reader x Pike

Chapter 8 Summary: Before going any further, you set some ground rules with Javi. Then it's fucking game on.

Rating: 18+ (Minors DNI), Explicit sexual content, additional warnings may be added for future chapters

Chapter Warnings: no use of y/n, previous relationship (Marcus x f!Reader), flashback, slowburn that got hot, workplace romance, ohh the yearning, fake relationship, keeping it secret, unprotected PIV sex (stay safe, folks), Dom/sub dynamic, use of Daddy, slight degradation kink (you’re a good little slut/whore), rough sex, possessiveness, cuckolding if you squint (I really don’t know how to describe it), dirty talk (Javi has a filthy mouth), light titty/ass spanking (2 light, 1 harder), hair pulling, spit, talk about anal, very light cumplay/eating, aftercare, soft!Javi, a bit of feels.

Reader/Character notes: Reader is fem!afab; No mention of Reader’s body size, shape, composition, or skin color. Reader is short enough to notice a difference in height without heels and has hair long enough to brush aside and pull back.

Words: 8.1k

Author’s Note: THEY FINALLY FUCK - Jeeeeesus. Took them long enough, huh? Please let me know if I missed anything I should add to the warnings, I feel like I took a kinky bag of scrabble tiles and just dumped them out on the floor with this chapter. This is easily the filthiest fucking thing I’ve ever written, and I’m actually really proud of myself. My new taglist is at the end! If you’d like to be added, just send me a DM or say so in a comment. ❤️

A ginormous thank you to my darling beta, @kilamonster. I could not have written this without your neverending support and tutelage. I can’t wait to write more smut in Spanish with you! Also, I’m not sorry for sending you periodic updates and random questions about the thots running wild in my head. 💋💜

Also, for anybody else like me who wants to write more smut in Spanish, @kilamonster sent me this incredible resource written by the amazing @urmomsgnocchi. Representation is so important, and this is just one of the many ways writers can do their part to represent different languages and cultures in their work. Please like, comment, and reblog the post so more writers can benefit!

Dividers by @saradika!

Masterlist || Previous Chapter

“Okay, ‘grown ass woman,’” he says, and you let out a small laugh. “I’ve got a choice for you to make.”

“Oh, yeah? And what’s that?”

“Your place or mine?”

~*~*~*~

Later That Night Texas

You chose your place. Javi says he’ll give you a half hour head start to avoid any suspicion from the other agents. You’ve put your blazer back on and fixed your hair, but the wet heat between your legs remains.

The gallery event wraps up, and Javi tells the others to report to the conference room the following morning for the official debrief. You check in with Diaz, who is still at the hospital, and are glad to hear that Bateman is already in post-op recovery and doing well.

Standing in your kitchen back home, old, familiar feelings wash over you. The adrenaline of the night has worn off, leaving you off balance. Marcus comes to mind, and his calm, grounding energy. You groan in frustration. You can’t let thoughts of Marcus creep in and ruin what is happening with Javi.

What is happening with Javi? Obviously, the sexual tension between you is off the charts; and the chemistry – oh God, the chemistry. Your heart rate goes up just thinking about how it felt to have his mouth and hands on you finally, his hardness pressing into you through his pants…

Taking a deep breath, you mutter to yourself, “I need a drink.”

Glass of wine at the ready, you kick off your heels and hang up the blazer in your closet. You feel as taut as a harp string and take a large gulp from your wine, hoping it will relax you. Rolling your neck and shoulders, you hear your phone buzz on the kitchen counter.

Setting the glass down, you take a deep breath and pick up your phone.

It’s a text from Javi. Maybe he changed his mind, or decided sleeping together wasn’t worth the risk to the case or your careers. Unlocking the screen, you read the text only to see that he’s giving you a final chance to change your mind.

I’m here. Do you still want me to come inside?

Peeping through the blinds, you look down at the parking lot outside your apartment building. The streetlamp casts just enough light to see Javi’s Jeep parked in one of the visitors’ spots. The man himself is in shadow, pacing a bit and fidgeting with his phone, presumably waiting for your reply. You smile, realizing that he might actually be a tad nervous too.

Opening your front door, the light from your apartment spills across the walkway outside and catches Javi’s attention. He stops and looks up expectantly to where you stand, backlit and beckoning to him from the second floor railing. Pocketing his phone, Javi makes a beeline for the stairs and takes them two at a time, reaching you in less than a minute.

The first thing you notice is the difference in your height, now that you’re barefoot. He’s smiling down at you, fingers dancing at his sides.

“Touch me,” you reply softly, “please.”

His tongue pokes out and wets his bottom lip.

“Inside.” Javi’s voice is strained, but firm.

Turning, you lead him inside your apartment, then hear him shut and lock the door behind him. You start to face him, but he interrupts.

“Don’t. Stay like that for me.”

Footsteps approach slowly from behind, making a coil tighten in your lower belly. You feel his presence at your back before he even touches you. Goosebumps erupt across your flesh as his fingers lightly graze your shoulders and upper arms.

A hand sweeps your hair to one side and off your neck. You tilt your head in the same direction, hoping to feel his lips on your sensitive skin. Javi’s hands still and he leans over to speak low in your ear.

“If we do this, I only have one rule.”

You smirk, remembering the first time he said that.

“You make the rules?” You start to turn your head to look at him, but his grip on your upper arms tightens just enough to hold you in place. His mustache twitches against the shell of your ear as he smiles, sending delicious signals to your already peaked nipples.

“No.” He takes a breath through his nose, smelling your hair. “You do.”

You let out a surprised Oh.

“You’re in charge of this; you decide what we do or don’t do, and how far this goes.” He walks around to face you, and you’re surprised to see how gentle his eyes are. They’re round and sincere, serious but not stern. You can’t wait to see them looking up at you from between your legs.

“Understand?”

You nod and he cups your face, running the pad of his thumb over your mouth and parting your lips.

“Use your words, cariño. I need to hear it.”

“I understand,” you say, then drag the tip of your tongue against his thumb. He lets out a pleased hum.

“Good. Now, tell me your rules.” His other hand strokes your lower back, sending shivers up your spine.

“Oh. Um, I – I don’t know,” you stutter.

He drops his hands and takes half a step back. “We’re not doing anything until you set the rules.”

“But–”

“This is important, cariño. I’ll give you a moment to gather your thoughts.”

And just like that, Javi’s walking away from you and sitting on your couch. What the hell is happening here?

He’s right, of course, damn the man. You want to be mad, but don’t know what to be mad about – how respectful he is? Letting out a deep sigh, you go back to the kitchen and pick up your glass of wine.

“Can I get you anything to drink while you wait?” Your voice comes out a bit more caustic than intended, and the sound of Javi’s throaty chuckle from the living room makes you bristle.

“Whatever you’re having is fine.”

The man sounds so calm and unfazed you want to throw something at him, but instead, you pout like a grown up and pour another glass. You set it on the small end table to his left and start pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table.

Stuck in a quandary like this, you used to be able to call Marcus up and talk it through, but that sounds as appealing as lemon juice in a paper cut right now. Besides, even if Marcus would help you get laid, he’s probably busy with his girlfriend.

Sighing, you sit down next to Javi and face him. In this position, the hem of your dress rides all the way to the top of your hip, but you’re in no mood to be modest. Javi takes a sip of his wine and turns slightly in your direction. He puts an arm along the top of the couch, and you try not to notice the way his suit jacket opens, revealing his broad chest sloping down to hint at a soft belly. His thighs splay invitingly, and you bite your bottom lip.

“Cariño?” Javi’s eyes sparkle with mischief.

“Right. The rules.” You set your glass of wine down and try to focus. Javi waits patiently, but you can see his fingers toying with the fabric on the back of the couch. He’s just as anxious to get this part over with.

“Rule number one: nothing at work. Ever. Not even after hours or in the parking lot. Nothing.”

Javi nods in stout agreement.

“Rule number two: it’s just sex. We’re simply two consenting adults with insane chemistry, privately enjoying the hell out of each other’s bodies.”

“Enthusiastically consenting,” Javi smirks, and sets his glass of wine next to yours so he can stroke your bare thigh. The hunger in his eyes is distracting, but you manage to pull your thoughts together one last time.

“And lastly, but most importantly – rule number three: what happens undercover stays undercover.”

Javi’s hand stills on your skin and he looks at you curiously. “You mind expanding on that a bit?”

“Our cover is just that; a story, playing pretend. We don’t let it blur the lines of whatever we do outside of the investigation. We have to compartmentalize.”

Javi takes a moment, considering what you’ve said, then nods. Looking you over, he slides his hand up to your hip and leans in, closing the space between you on the couch.

“I guess that means we better get out of these clothes.”

“That's a great –” You don’t even get to complete the sentence before his mouth is on yours again. In seconds, his mouth is devouring yours again, his hands feverishly roaming over your hips and ass.

Javi takes his hands away just long enough to shrug out of his suit jacket while you make quick work of removing his tie. He tries to pull the straps of your dress down, but they get stuck on your shoulders. Grunting in frustration, his hands try locating the zipper of your dress on your back.

You might have let him struggle a bit more simply for the fun of it, but your skin is on fire, desperate to feel more of him.

You pull your mouth away from his long enough to gasp, “On the side. Here,” and point to the thin zipper hidden in the ruched fabric.

“You’re lucky you said something, I was about to rip this thing off you,” Javi growls, making you giggle. “Does that amuse you, cariño? Making me suffer?”

“Maybe a little,” you admit with a small shrug, but your voice is breathless. He’s moved his mouth to your neck, where he licks a swath of skin across your fluttering pulse.

The zipper is finally down, and Javi tugs the straps of your dress and bra down at the same time, pinning your arms to your side and freeing your breasts.

“Jesus,” he breathes, taking in your exposed flesh. He pulls you up so you’re kneeling before him on the couch, your breasts level with his face. Leaning in, he stops just shy of one pebbled nipple, his hot exhalation warming your sensitive skin. Your hands itch to grab his hair and pull him in, but the suspense is delicious.

Javi palms your other breast and glides his thumb over the nipple, making you whimper. He lets out a strangled sound in his throat before latching his mouth onto the peaked bud in front of him, sending an electric current straight to your pulsing core.

Your head falls back with a gasp, and Javi pulls your body closer, moaning around your nipple. Javi is too engrossed in giving your other tit the same treatment to notice you straining at the straps of your dress and bra.

“Please,” you whimper. He pulls off your breast with a small pop and looks up at you, still massaging and caressing the flesh in each hand. His eyes are dark in the dim light of the living room, but you can see them glazed over with lust.

Javi watches you expectantly, waiting for you to voice your request.

“Please let me touch you.”

He smiles, giving you a small thrill.

“You asked so nicely.”

It's not the yes you wanted, so you wait. He leans in to kiss the tops of your breasts and traces a line up your clavicle with the tip of his tongue.

“Stand up, cariño.”

With his assistance you get up off the couch and face him, standing between his knees. The straps of your clothing are loose enough now to pull yourself free, but you wait for Javi to give his assent. He smiles softly at you from his seat on the couch, openly admiring your body on display for him.

“Take it off,” he instructs. “Slowly.”

You shed the form-fitting dress like a second skin, taking care to pull it down slowly and exaggerating the wiggle of your hips, before dropping it to the floor.

“The bra, too,” Javi amends, his breath coming out a bit labored. The bra joins the dress at your feet, and you kick the garments to the side, standing before Javi in only your panties.

You love seeing that he’s just as affected as you are. He rubs sweaty palms on his pant legs, and grips the edge of the couch cushion to keep from launching himself at you. He likes this game, too.

This is the feeling you missed – letting go of all your thoughts and worries, pleasing a partner so much by obeying simple commands, trusting that partner to not take advantage of the authority you allow them to have over you. This kind of power feels intoxicating and freeing all at once.

He lifts his hips slightly to adjust himself, and the small thrust draws your attention to his lap, your eyes widening at the clear bulge in his pants. A discoloration on the fabric, left there by your own arousal, is the only evidence of how this all started back at the gallery.

Standing there, nearly naked in front of a fully clothed man, even one with as commanding a presence as Javier Peña, doesn’t make you feel as vulnerable as you thought it might.

“Ah ah,” Javi tuts when he sees your fingers toying at the waistband of your last scrap of clothing. He gives his hard cock a squeeze with the hand in his lap, then draws a small circle in the air with one finger. “Turn around, hermosa.”

This is what makes you feel vulnerable, being unable to see Javi or know what he’s doing behind you. What you felt earlier when Javi stood behind you in the entryway of your apartment is nothing compared to the intensity of this moment.

The couch creaks, and you know he’s standing behind you – is it a change in the air pressure, or the heat emanating from his core?

Javi leaves mere centimeters separating your bodies, his breath the only sound you hear over the whooshing of your own heartbeat in your ears. Goosebumps spread again across your shoulders and down your spine, as though your skin is doing whatever it can to get closer to him. Tingles arc across your scalp, and you shut your eyes tight against the sensations your body conjures in the absence and anticipation of his touch.

The hairs on the back of your neck prickle and you flinch a bit when he gently sweeps your errant locks to the side, careful not to make contact with your skin. An elusive tickle at the shell of your ear has you tilting your head to the side. The bristle of his mustache sweeps across the tender area as he speaks, low enough to bring a tremor to your sternum.

“Are you going to listen to me, cariño?”

Your mouth pops open into a small ‘O’, and you nod.

“Use your words, hermosa. I won’t tell you again.” There’s an edge in Javi’s voice, and you’re not sure if it’s the edge of authority or desperation.

The walls of your pussy grasp around nothing, and your clit throbs in time with your pulse. Digging fingernail crescents into your palms, you make fists at your sides and curl your toes into the plush rug under your feet.

“I–” Your mouth is dry and you swallow thickly to form the words he needs to hear. “I am. I’m going to listen to you.”

Javi wraps an arm around your middle, pinning you to the wall of his chest, as his other hand snakes down to cup your sex over your soaked panties. The sudden contact pulls a moan from deep in your throat and the relief makes you sag against him.

“I know you will.” The murmur in your ear is soft and warm, reassuring. The hand of the arm wrapped around you cups your breast, while the other presses the heel of its palm into your mound over your clit.

“Javi.” His name is an exhalation. “I need you.”

Your body has a mind of its own, and right now you are a slave to its impulses. Your hips move involuntarily, trying to rock into Javi’s hand, large enough to engulf your whole sex, then grind back onto his cock pressed hard against your ass.

“I know, I know.”

Javi’s words are both balm and incendiary. A small whine comes out of your mouth, and you press a hand over Javi’s, trying to increase the pressure over your clit.

“Mierda, cariño, you’re so eager.” He rolls your nipple between thumb and forefinger, giving it a pinch hard enough to make you gasp. “You better take me to bed, then.”

On unsteady feet, you lead Javi to the master bedroom. Standing at the side of your bed, you feel a bit bashful and unsure of what to do with yourself.

“Sit down.”

You obey and perch on the edge of the mattress, then wait for his next move. Javi saunters over, fingers going to his belt buckle, and stops in front of you. Your eyes flicker between his hands and his face, peering up at him through your eyelashes.

Javi palms himself through his pants and your mouth floods with saliva. You suck your bottom lip into your mouth and bite it a little to keep from drooling.

“So, this is it, huh?” He unbuckles the leather belt, then pulls it free from the loops around his slim waist in a single movement, catching you off guard.

“This…what?”

“This is your bed,” he reaches out and strokes your face, then holds your chin in his hand. “Where you let Pike fuck you.”

Abashed, you don’t answer right away, feeling the heat creep up your neck and bloom across your chest. You remember that Javi wants you to answer him, just the way Marcus did, by using your words.

“Yes, he fucked me in this bed.”

Javi strokes your chin with his thumb, then removes his hand to start unbuttoning his shirt. Your eyes glaze over slightly, your breath feels shallow. Javi’s gaze feels hot on your skin, and you can see his pulse beating on the side of his neck.

Keeping your arms straight behind you, you put your tits on display, hoping to entice Javi to put his hands back on you. Spreading your knees apart, you want him to see the scrap of wet fabric covering your pussy.

He lets out a deep breath through his nose that’s almost a growl, and strips his shirt completely off over his head, not bothering to finish unbuttoning it. Javi stands there, gripping his cock over his pants.

“Show me.” His words rasp in the back of his throat.

Slowly, deliberately, you pull the gusset of your panties to the side, exposing yourself to him. Chest heaving, he doesn’t say anything for a few breaths.

“Lie down on the bed. Now.” Javi’s words have a bite to them, and you scurry to follow his command.

You scoot backwards towards the middle of the bed, not willing to take your eyes off the man for a second. Pulling the covers back, Javi helps you locate the fitted sheet and move the comforter out of your way. He palms his dick one more time before taking off his pants, eyes glued to the apex of your thighs.

“Take them off.”

Hooking your thumbs into the waistband, you lift your hips enough to slide your panties down, then kick them off the side of the bed. Unconsciously, your knees fall open more when Javi pulls his underwear off and you see his cock spring out of his boxers.

Javi fists his hard length and gives it a couple strokes, precum pearling at the tip. You swallow, wishing you could take him in your mouth and taste the saltiness.

“Touch yourself for me.” He sits on the side of the bed next to you, and his cock twitches in his hand. “Show me what makes that pretty pussy feel good, cariño.”

Settling back on the pillows, you slide your hand over your breast and abdomen, down over your mound to your weeping center. You’ve barely touched your swollen and tender folds before you let out a whimper.

“That’s it, querida,” Javi’s voice, filled with hunger, urges you on.

Dipping a finger into your core, you use your own slick to glide between your lips, your breath coming out in sharp huffs. Touching the bundle of nerves at the top of your slit is like touching a live wire. Using the flat pads of two fingers, you apply gentle pressure to your clit, gliding easily now with your abundant arousal, closing your eyes from the intensity.

A warm caress on the inside of your knee and thigh is Javi’s only touch, but it’s enough to make you moan and thrust your hips up into both your hand and his.

“So impatient,” he remarks. His tone doesn’t match his mocking words, and you open your eyes again to see him slowly stroking his cock as he watches your fingers.

“Javi, please.” Desperation laces your plea as you writhe into your hand, increasing the pressure on your clit. Using your other hand to play with your tits, you pinch and roll your nipples. “Please touch me.”

“Don’t stop touching yourself.”

Javi leans over to kiss your breasts and stomach, then moves to kneel between your feet, firmly grasping the base of his cock. He lays down between your thighs, adjusting his cock so it’s pinned between his body and the mattress.

“Please-please-please,” you whisper like a prayer.

“You sound so sweet when you beg.” He takes your fingers off your clit and sucks them into his mouth.

You wonder if his resolve has finally cracked, because he wastes no time pushing your hand out of the way and licking a thick stripe from dripping hole to pulsing clit.

“Fuck, Javi!” Your startled cry doesn’t deter him or slow him down, if anything it only spurs him on. He places a hand on the back of one knee and pushes your leg back, allowing his tongue easier access. The rumble of his deep, satisfied groan only adds fuel to the fire burning in the pit of your belly.

He turns his head to kiss and nibble at your inner thigh long enough to say, “Jesus, you taste better than I imagined,” before returning to lap at the flow of your arousal. The hair on his upper lip is a sharply contrasting sensation to the thick, languid stroke of his tongue on your oversensitive flesh.

Javi’s broad shoulders under your thighs push your body up the mattress with every eager thrust of his tongue. Reaching behind you with one hand to brace against the headboard provides a bit of resistance, giving you just enough traction to bump your clit against the arch of his nose. It’s not enough, though, you need more. In vain, you try lifting your hips up to meet Javi’s face.

A heavy arm wraps around your hip and pins you to the mattress. Whining in frustration, you look down to see Javi’s eyes trained on your face. Those large, dark orbs are fixed in a determined glare. Seeing them look up at you from between your thighs is a sight to behold.

Feeling bold, but mostly curious, you tentatively reach down and thread the fingers of your other hand through Javi’s thick hair. His eyes almost flutter closed for a moment, and the hand holding your leg back eases. You keep the knee bent, though, holding yourself open for him.

Jaw slack, you watch transfixed as Javi captures your clit between his lips that are wet and shiny with your own slick. He circles his tongue around the engorged bud, the very tip sliding gently under the hood and making your hips spasm up to his face, again and again.

Panting, eyes squeezed shut, you focus on the feeling of his tongue, bordering on too much. With Javi’s hair clutched in one fist, you cling with the other to the slats of the headboard and undulate up against his plump lips.

A thick finger prods gently at your opening, moving around to get the tip wet. Javi’s lips and tongue never leave your clit, and you resist the urge to pull his head into you by his hair, scared he’ll stop if you do.

The finger slips in, stopping at the first knuckle.

“You want me to fuck you, cariño?” Javi’s voice is rough. “Is that what you want?”

“Uh huh.” It comes out with a moan as the finger slips in all the way. “Hnh, shit…yes – yes, I want you to fuck me. Please fuck me.” The rest of the words tumble from your mouth.

“Then I’ve got to get you nice and ready for my cock.” He returns to giving your clit the attention it craves. Javi’s finger starts pumping in and out, stretching your walls around its thickness.

“Fuck...fuck,” you curse and moan in time with each thrust. The beginnings of your orgasm begin to unfurl deep inside.

Javi keeps moving his finger in and out of you until it’s sliding without resistance, then starts teasing your entrance with the tip of a second. With his other hand, he spreads your lips and holds you open.

“Christ, would you look at that?” You open your eyes to see Javi watching his two fingers sink into you, drawing out a moan from deep in your belly. “Fucking beautiful. Can’t wait to watch my cock split you open like this.”

You let go of Javi’s hair to grip the pillow under your head. You’re lifting your hips up in time to meet every thrust of his thick fingers.

You can’t tell what’s more obscene, the sounds coming from your mouth or from between your legs. Turning your face into the pillow, you try to muffle some of your moans.

“Don’t cover your mouth, baby. I want to hear every fucking sound you make.”

“But,” you gasp, trying to form the words, “neighbors…”

“I want them to hear how good I make you feel, too.” He keeps his fingers buried to the knuckle inside you and crooks them just right, making you arch your back and moan.

“Thaaat’s it, let me hear you.” Tension coils, your pussy clenching down on the continuous movement of his fingers pumping and curling.

“Relax for me, cariño. I’ll never fit my cock inside you if you keep squeezing my fingers like that.”

The filth spilling from his mouth has got you wound up so tight, it’s a wonder he can still move his fingers at all. He sucks your clit back between his lips, but your hips are bucking so hard he can’t keep a good hold on it. Instead, he drips saliva at the top of your slit, then spreads it with his thumb, around and around, letting your rolling hips determine the pace and pressure.

“Javi,...I’m–fuck, I’m getting close.”

“Is this how he got you ready? Hm? Would he make you cum first on his fingers and tongue?”

“Wha– unh, god.” What the fuck is he saying? Your mind is so fuzzy, the pleasure leaving almost no room for thought or reason.

“I bet he would. I bet he’d get you nice and wet, then work you open for his cock.”

He’s asking about Marcus again, you realize. You feel the mattress shift and realize Javi’s rutting into the mattress in time with your hips. Knowing how turned on Javi is, it’s almost enough to tip you over the edge right then.

“Yes, he– he made me cum first.”

“Hard?”

“Yes! God, Javi, that feels so good – please don’t stop.” You’re white-knuckling the pillow and headboard, getting closer to the edge, the pleas falling from your lips without thought.

“He must have been something, for you to still be hung up on him. Still hungry for his cock.”

Javi spits again, more lewdly this time in his excitement, and increases the pressure of his thumb over your clit.

“Fuck, I feel it – I know you’re getting close, cariño.” Javi’s hips keep rocking into the mattress. “Are you going to cum for me?”

Your breath comes out in gasps, you can only nod in response, eyes shut tight.

“That’s it, hermosa, cum for me.” Javi’s words have you teetering on the edge. “Cum for me so I can give you my cock.”

With that final push, your fluttering walls spasm and pulse around Javi’s fingers, and he works you through it, groaning as he watches you writhing on his hand.

Javi doesn’t even let the final shudders or your orgasm subside before he’s licking your cum off his fingers like an indulgent dessert. He gives your mound a kiss, then your belly, ribs, and breasts, getting on his knees between your thighs and leaning over you, murmuring praise in a heady mixture of English and Spanish.

“That was so good, cariño, you were so good. Eres tan bonita, y sabes pinche dulce.” Leaning on one elbow, he traces your lips with the fingers that were inside you.

“Have you ever tasted yourself?” You nod, opening your mouth and licking the tip of one finger. Javi slips it past your lips, he lets out a sigh and says, “I’m going to have a lot of fun with that mouth.”

Moaning, you begin sucking eagerly at his fingers, showing him what he could look forward to. He fucks them into your mouth a few times before pulling them out, much to your disappointment.

“Another time, cariño. I need to be in that sweet pussy now.”

Javi kisses you deeply, the taste of your cum mingling on your tongues. His mustache is wet with your slick, and you run the tip of your tongue along the ridge of his upper lip, the hairs tickling. He shudders and pulls away with a low grunt.

“Condoms?” Is all he can get out in between ravishing your neck and breasts with kisses.

“Drawer.” You gesture weakly to your nightstand, running your fingers through his hair. He stretches to pull the drawer open and pulls out the unopened box of condoms you’ve had there since you moved into the apartment.

“A brand new box, just for me?” His tone is teasing as he sits back on his knees. He tears the box open and rips off a condom from the strip, tossing the rest back in the drawer.

“Um–” You get distracted watching him fist his cock. With a clearer head after your orgasm, you finally have the wherewithal to notice he’s thick and uncut. Biting your bottom lip, you think about how much fun you’ll have with him in your hands and mouth once he gives you the chance.

“Cariño?” Javi fixes you with an authoritative eye that makes your stomach flip.

“It’s not new, exactly. I just haven’t needed to open it yet.”

He looks at you curiously, and you start feeling a bit anxious.

“Are you telling me you haven’t had sex since you moved here?”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, you say, “It’s not like I haven’t tried.”

Feeling a bit self-conscious, you look away and pull your knees together slightly. Javi’s hand on your thigh stops you. His eyes have softened.

Javi settles between your thighs, bracing himself while he leans down and kisses you slowly. His chest is firm under your hands, and the steady beat of his heart feels grounding. He places light kisses along your jaw up to your ear.

“The last time you had a cock inside you,” he pauses to take a breath, “was with Pike?”

You give a small nod, both of you breathing so heavily your chests press into one another on inhalation. Javi pulls back to look at you, his eyes shifting between yours and keeping you in focus.

“Can I fuck you bare, cariño?”

He’s not asking this lightly, and you know without him having to say that he will gladly accept whatever is your decision. You clench at the prospect of feeling all of Javi inside you and nod vigorously.

“Yes.”

Javi kisses you deeply and holds your face in one hand, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Thank you for trusting me,” he murmurs against your lips, his voice deep and a bit rough. You know he’s trusting you just as much.

You continue to kiss, your hands running across his shoulders and upper back, then into his hair again. He groans into your mouth as you stroke your fingers through his thick locks.

You tilt your hips and spread your legs a bit wider, opening yourself up for him. Balancing himself on one arm, he guides the head of his cock between your folds, then slides it slowly up and down a few times, gathering your slick. You’re so wet, he’ll have no trouble entering you.

“Javi...”

“I know, I know.” Javi presses the head of his cock at your entrance and groans. “Are you ready to take my cock, cariño?”

He sits back on his knees to watch your response, his breath short and labored from holding back when you know all he wants is to plunge all the way inside you with one thrust. You roll your hips up, moaning as the tip of his swollen cock head nudges inside you. Javi grunts and pulls back a bit, gripping onto your hip.

“Fuck, look at you – you can’t wait to feel my cock filling you up.”

“Please, Javi. Please give me your cock. I need it,” you beg breathlessly.

“That’s my girl, tell me what you need,” Javi soothes his hand over your flesh, rocking his hips forward and slipping just an inch inside you, then back out. In and out, until the head is fully inside.

“I need your cock.” He pushes a bit more inside you each time he rocks his hips, caressing your belly and breasts with his other hand. “I need you to fuck me with your cock.”

“You’re still so tight, baby.” Javi huffs through flared nostrils, gritting his teeth, barely holding himself back.

“Javi, please–” Your whine chokes off with a sob as he plunges forward with a grunt.

“Fuuuuuck,” he rasps, pulling out half way, then burying himself fully in your cunt. “Is that what you needed, cariño?” He thrusts, watching his cock disappearing inside you again.

“Yes,” you whisper, letting your head fall back limply onto the pillow.

“Are you happy now that you have my cock?” Javi’s keeping his thrusts slow, but full and deep. He’s breathing heavily from his pent up lust, still not fully letting himself go.

“Yes.” The stretch of him inside you was mind numbing.

“I knew you’d be good at taking my cock, baby. You’re opening up so well for me.” Javi hooks one of your legs over his arm. “You ready for me to really fuck you now?”

“Yes, Javi – fuck me, please.”

Javi’s hips start picking up their pace, snapping forward to fill your pussy. For a few moments, you and Javi are lost to the sensations, moaning in unison every time he bottoms out inside you.

“You feel so good wrapped around my cock, hermosa.” His grip on the leg over his arm tightens. You pull your other leg back, allowing him even deeper and he swears. “I can feel your pussy sucking me in.”

He leans over, holding himself up with a hand beside your head. The change in the angle makes you gasp and clench around him.

“Mírame – look at me, cariño.”

Javi is a vision above you with his forehead furrowed and mouth open.

“What did he call you?” He slows his thrusts. “Hm? What did Pike call you when he was fucking you?”

You look at him with wide eyes, mouth agape. He smiles, and slows almost to a stop.

“Dimelo…” He grinds his hips into you, making you whine. “Tell me – now.”

“I was his good girl.” Your pussy walls contract involuntarily with your confession, making Javi moan.

“Fuck,” he starts thrusting again, “I bet you were so good for him. Were you?”

“Yes. Yes, I was his good girl.” Javi moves the leg over his arm up to his shoulder, holding onto it for leverage as he fucks into you.

“And what did you call him when you were his good girl?” His words come out a bit unevenly. Javi waits for your response, but you’re distracted by how deep his cock is.

A swift but light slap lands on your tit. “Answer me.”

You gasp, but he has your attention now, rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“I called him Sir.”

“Mierda, you’re drenching my cock right now. I bet you’re thinking about how his cock felt in your tight pussy, how it filled and stretched you.”

“Oh, god–” You brace your arms over your head, using the headboard for resistance against the onslaught of Javi’s thrusts.

Thoughts of Marcus and Javi swim together, the memory of Marcus’ touch with the reality of Javi’s. The walls of your pussy begin to flutter as your second orgasm of the night starts to build.

Javi’s heavy breathing is surpassed by the sound of his thighs and balls slapping against your ass with every thrust.

“Well, if you were his good girl, then you’re my slutty little princesa. You’re my little whore. Me entiendes?”

“Yes, yes – I understand.” Your eyes are practically rolling into the back of your head when you feel Javi suddenly stop and pull out. Gasping, your eyes fly open in shock. He’s panting, and his neck glistens, flushed a beautiful shade of crimson with the veins prominently standing out.

“Roll over – c’mon, on your knees.” You obey, desperate to have his cock buried in you once again.

“Hands up here, flat.” He taps the headboard. His commands are light and natural, easy to follow.

“If you’re going to be my little whore, I’m going to fuck you like one.”

Assuming the position, Javi uses a knee to nudge your shaking legs wider, then pulls your ass back so you’re bent slightly over.

“So what are you going to call me, huh?” He smooths your hair back off your face, sweaty at your temples, and gathers it loosely in his fist. He gives it a gentle tug, prompting you to answer his question.

“I don’t know,” you gasp, and arch into his touch as he smoothes a hand over your ass. He guides his cock and slides back into your cunt in a single thrust, making the headboard sway close to the wall.

“I said keep your hands flat,” he reminds you, and gives your ass a small smack for good measure.

Your fingers flex, and you spread them wide, straightening your elbows for balance. His free hand fondles your breasts one at a time, kneading them before pinching your nipples.

“C’mon, princesa,” he urges, voice low behind your ear as he starts fucking you again. Your head gets tugged back by your hair in his fist at the nape of your neck as he fucks you harder. The angle of his cock hits that sweet spot inside you, making your eyes roll back.

“What are you going to call me when I’m fucking you like my little slut?” His hot tongue licks over your pulse point. The filthy words spilling out of his mouth are making you dizzy. “Huh? When I’m pounding this pussy so good, you can’t fucking help yourself?”

“Daddy.”

It comes out in a soft, timid whimper.

Javi smacks your ass with a stinging hand and growls in your ear, “Louder.”

“Daddy!”

“Theeere it fucking is.” Javi groans deeply in satisfaction, then licks his fingers and rubs them over your clit in time with his thrusts. “What a good little whore, taking Daddy’s cock so well.”

He lets go of your hair to grip your shoulder where it meets your neck, pulling you back onto his cock. There is no way your neighbors can’t hear the noises coming from your mouth now. You’ve completely surrendered over to Javi, and you’re certain that if he were to take his hands away you’d fall over lifeless like a doll.

“Daddy, I’m close.”

The intensity of Javi’s hands, cock, and filthy mouth is so overwhelming, you can barely get the words out.

“Are you going to cum on Daddy’s cock, princesa?” Javi’s voice is ragged, his hips stuttering.

“Imagine what he’d say – unh – if he saw you like this – absolutely wrecked, being someone else’s fuck toy.”

He must be getting close too as his cock throbs inside you, his pace faltering.

The thought of Marcus watching you get railed by Javi has you on the very brink. You can’t hold back the moans now and Javi increases the pressure and speed of his fingers over your clit. Your cunt spasms, and his cock throbs in response.

“Mierda, you’re choking my dick. Damelo, princesa – give it to me, cum for Daddy.”

Your orgasm rips through you like a freight train, all while Javi talks and fucks you through it.

“Fuuuck, yes – that’s it, cum all over Daddy’s cock. You’re squeezing me so tight.”

Javi’s thrusts slow during your most intense spasms, and the fingers on your clit still, but maintain their pressure. You ride it out, reaching back to stroke Javi’s hair while you spasm around him.

Your head begins to loll a bit, exhaustion setting in after the two mind-melting orgasms. He wraps his arms around you, then slowly lowers your upper body onto the mattress, draping his body over yours. You hug a pillow to your chest, supporting yourself while he starts fucking into you, slow and deep.

“What a good little slut.” He grunts softly in your ear each time his cock bottoms out inside you, fucking little whimpers out of you with every thrust.

“So good for Daddy.” Javi kisses your neck and the back of your shoulder. “You took Daddy’s cock so well, gonna give you my cum.” He’s beginning to get a bit breathless, his thighs shaking, thrusts getting erratic.

In this position, you’re able to reach a hand back and spread your fingers on either side of his cock as it moves. A bit further, and you’re grazing his balls every so lightly and feel them beginning to tighten and retract.

“Unh – fuck, yeah…” Javi groans through gritted teeth, then nips lightly at your shoulder making you gasp.

“Daddy, please cum for me. I want your cum. Please give it to me.”

You’re babbling, your senses focused solely on the sound of Javi’s labored breathing, the feel of his cock twitching inside you, chasing that high with him.

“Where do you want Daddy’s cum, princesa?” His words are strained now. He rises back up onto his knees, supporting himself with a hand between your shoulder blades.

“Anywhere you want, Daddy.” You contract the walls of your cunt around him for emphasis and he moans.

“Fuck, baby, don’t tempt me, I’m so close… But I think I want something else.” He grabs the globes of your ass with both hands, squeezing them, pulling them apart to see everything.

“You ever let Pike fuck your ass?”

You involuntarily clench around Javi. You and Marcus had certainly discussed it, experimented a little, but he’d never fucked you there.

“No...”

“Mmm, good. Then I’m gonna paint that ass with my cum. Esta cosa es mía ahora. It’s fucking mine.”

Eyes wide, you stretch your neck to watch Javi over your shoulder as he starts fucking you at a frenetic pace. His face, neck, and chest are flushed and gleaming with sweat. His brow is furrowed deep in concentration, teeth bared into a grimace. He lands a rough slap on your ass that makes you moan.

“Yes, Daddy – my ass is yours, only yours.”

“That’s right, princesa – all mine,” he wheezes.

Just when you think he’s about to burst inside you, Javi pulls out and starts furiously jerking his cock. Thick ropes of cum land in stripes across your ass and lower back, each spasm pulling a deep, breathy moan from him. He takes deep gulps of air into his lungs, milking every last drop of cum.

Clenching around nothing, you moan with the pleasure of bringing him to release. You’re secretly thrilled at seeing Javi brought to this degree of vulnerability.

Javi leans over and licks a small drop of cum that landed on the swell of your cheek. He bites the flesh then sucks, letting go with a pop. It’s done without inhibition or hesitation, just an impulsive, erotic claim of your body.

“Next time, princesa,” he pauses to smear the pooling cum lightly over your asshole, “I’m going to watch that beautiful face when I make you cum on Daddy’s cock.”

“Mm, I’d like that,” you say softly, and close your eyes, the adrenaline waning. Staying still for a moment, you take a deep breath, enjoying the familiar, empty ache between your thighs that can only come after an amazing fuck.

You start to lower your legs to lie in a prone position, but Javi wraps his arms around you as support, lowering you gently to the mattress.

“I’ve got you, cariño.”

You’re vaguely aware of Javi stepping into the en suite bathroom and returning with a warm wet washcloth. He gently wipes you clean and fixes the covers.

A few moments later, you feel the mattress shift as he climbs into bed next to you. Strong arms pull you into a warm embrace. A light kiss to your forehead tickles with the soft hairs of Javi’s mustache.

Sighing, you roll your body against his, resting your head on his shoulder and draping an arm across his chest. He smooths your hair off your forehead and brushes a soft kiss to your head, stroking your arm. With the steady rise and fall of Javi’s chest, the last thing you remember before drifting off is his whispered, “Sweet dreams, cariño.”

~*~*~*~

Javi doesn’t even crave a cigarette. And he can’t remember the last time he stuck around this long after sleeping with someone. Once you fall asleep in his arms, he doesn't want to risk waking you, and there is no way in hell he’s going to sneak out on you.

He reasons that he’ll relax for a bit, then wake you up to say goodbye. But the feel of you in his arms is better than he let himself indulgently imagine these past few weeks. The softness of your curves, the weight of your head on his shoulder; the implicit trust you placed in him this evening, and the ease with which you fell asleep with him holding you…

It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep too. At some point in the night he stirs, and realizes you’re out of bed, but doesn’t know what time it is. The apartment is dark now, and the only light comes peeking out from the bottom of the bathroom door. Groaning, he stretches his legs, knowing the soreness in his knees will plague him for the next couple days.

The light in the bathroom flicks off and the door opens, creaking a little. Your nude form appears, lit only by the ambient light coming through the window from the streetlamps. You pad softly across the carpet and he whispers a soft, “Hey,” so you know he’s awake. You jump just slightly then smile in relief.

“Hey, yourself,” you whisper in return, then walk to the other side of the bed and climb in.

“What time is it?” Javi rolls to face you and props his head on his hand.

“Late – or early, depending on how you look at it.”

Javi leans over to kiss your lips, then your forehead, trailing the tip of his nose down yours. You hum in that way he’s already familiar with, making him smile.

“How late-or-early?”

“Three-ish.” You kiss him, muffling his surprise.

“Shit, I didn’t mean to fall asleep that long. Sorry.” Javi is about to make his excuses to leave, before you speak again.

“We better go back to sleep now. The debrief is early and I want to get up in time to bring something in for the team.”

Yawning, you roll away from him and drag his arm around you. Javi smirks, and settles in to spoon your body with his own.

“I guess I don’t need to ask what your rule is about sleeping over, then?” He kisses the back of your shoulder and you press back into him.

“Shut up and go to sleep, Javi.”

“Okay, cariño.”

Chapter 9 - Coming Soon!

Additional Author’s Note: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all the lovely comments and reblogs! I can’t tell you how much they mean to me. As always, I would love-love-love to know what you think. I really want to become a better writer, so any and all feedback is welcome! Thank you for reading! 💜

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