#physical therapy mention
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In the Shadow of Speculation Part 2
Part 1, Ao3
Heavy chapter, please heed the following;
Blood tw
vivisection tw
descriptions of a flashback
descriptions of a night terror
descriptions of recovery
abled verbiage tw
self hatred tw (mild)
forced parenthood equivalent (but in a ghost culture way)
Danny took a deep breath and used the Ring of Rage.
A glowing portal formed in the air before him, perfectly stable. Cold, bitter wind blew through it, along with the smell of antiseptic.
Wrinkling his nose, Danny stepped through the portal and closed it behind him.
“Oh, greetings Mr. High King! Are you ready for your check-up?” a nurse Yeti said, looking up from her clipboard enthusiastically.
Danny attempted a smile.
“I’m prepared for it, yeah.”
“Wonderful! Your friends are already in the room for moral support!”
Danny paused.
“Who-?”
“The Lady of the Green and the Lord of Innovation, of course!”
Oh thank the Ancients.
Danny nodded his thanks at the nurse and started for his assigned rooms.
Every inch of the hallways, unfamiliar before the Accident, were ingrained in his memories now.
He’d finally walked from his door to that window without help four months after waking up, and he’d been so fucking proud about it too. He’d hid behind that potted plant during his first flashback. He’d climbed out of that window and crawled on the roof just so he could feel the snow on his skin two months into Physical Therapy.
That was the yeti that had taken the brunt of his anger and hurt on his worst days, nodding at him as Danny passed. That was the room he’d pleaded with Dan to take him away from the hospital, that he couldn’t do it anymore, that he just wanted to go home-that was also the room Dan had set his foot down and said that he’d play the bad guy for Danny one last time.
And oh, how Danny had despised him for it.
But it had worked. Danny, with someone who was there for the sole purpose of taking the verbal assaults meant for his Physical Therapists and himself, who was only there to snipe back and deliberately egg Danny on, helped Danny find the energy to push forward.
And Danny still felt awful about that.
Danny passed the table he had eaten his first solid meal at, one month after waking up, and took a left.
There it was.
The door to the rooms that had been his sanctuary and his prison, right up until they hadn’t been needed anymore. The first place he’d seen when he’d woken up, and then been amazed that he’d woken up at all.
With a deep breath, Danny pushed it open.
“Hey man!”
“Danny!”
Danny’s smile was weak, and he was holding back tears in the face of so many memories he hated and adored in equal measure.
“Hey guys, thanks for coming.”
~~~~~~
Dan knew he was asleep. Dan knew he was awake. Dan knew he was somewhere in that awful inbetween.
He was in his parents basement. No, wait. They weren’t his parents. They’d never deserved the title.
He was in the Fenton’s basement.
The world kept glitching out, the colors kept melding together, and the only thing that stood out was the overwhelming feeling of disbelief and terror.
Little him was strapped to a table. Little him was strapped to a table. Little him was-
Stop.
Assess.
What was going on?
Little him was strapped to a table; he was locked in place. He was in his Core form. It was…damaged. It was damaged.
Why?
Who would…?
There was a sliver missing. They’d torn a piece of him off. They’d tried to peel him open. They’d-Little him would be crippled.
If he survived.
But he had survived, hadn’t he?
Little him’s core was strapped to a table, damaged, and there was no resonance coming from it. There were vials upon vials of ecto-blood on the tables.
That was a kidney.
That was a stomach.
There was blood on the floor.
There…there was blood on his shoes.
Dan floated off of it, listening to the dripping sounds it made as it rolled off his soles.
The door opened.
Two monsters walked through, all giant bug eyes and sharp metal knives.
Dan had two options.
He could kill the things that had done this.
Or.
He darted forward to break the straps and shoved Little him’s core next to his own, where it would be safe, where it could recover as it leeched his excess energy off of him.
The world glitched again.
Dan was standing in Jazz’s living room, hand digging into his own chest. Searching.
With a shaking breath, he pulled it out.
He’d only carried Danny’s core next to his own for two years, but he still found himself searching for it in moments of weakness.
He hadn’t been the best Spirit to host Danny’s core, but he’d fought tooth and nail to do it. Vengeance Spirits could not normally house Protective Spirits.
It was why he’d done the whole hero thing after; it would help Little him heal if he did. And when he scared the people he was saving away?
He’d opted to train the little fledgling heroes. He’d make sure they grew up safe, protected from actual villains and, if needed, their own personal ones.
Anything to make sure he didn’t have to see another kid so close to completely shattering into Nothing, he never wanted to see that shit again-
Dan forced himself to move away from the couch and towards the kitchen.
It was pointless to dwell on the past. He did everything he could; if the Twerp wanted to be next to those monsters, that was on him.
So what if he’d fucked up their relationship? At least the kid was alive.
Dan’s hands still shook as he made himself a cup of coffee.
…
Maybe he’d just check in. Just for a bit.
~~~~~~
Dan may have failed steps one through ten.
It had probably started when he’d played surrogate for the Runt, if he was completely honest. There was no way Dan hadn’t absorbed a little bit of his Protective nature.
Point was; Dan genuinely could not remember going to Arkham.
He just sort of…came back to himself while floating ominously above it.
He could see the alarm lights flashing below him. The humans running for their battle-stations.
The inmates being herded deeper into the complex.
Dan felt his eyes grow hotter, felt his claws dig into the flesh of his palms.
They were right there. Right fucking there. All he had to do was phase through the compound and just reach into their chests.
It would be so. Fucking. Easy.
In fact, he even caught a glimpse of Maddie through one of the windows.
Dan snarled, lifting a hand, the ectoplasm pooling in it hotter than anything he’d made before-
-and he was in the kitchen. Mom was trying to make hot dogs, but they kept fighting back. She was laughing at a dumb meme he’d shown her. His homework was covered in mustard from the fight with their food.
“I guess you can tell Mr. Lancer that you ‘mustard’ up every resource you had!” Dad called out as he walked by, and Dan felt so loved-
-Dan dropped the hand.
Maddie was hauled past the window and to safety.
Fuck.
Fuck this place.
Fuck this city.
Fuck everything about this situation.
~~~~~~
Batman grappled his way to the tallest watchtower in Arkham, keeping an eye on Phantom the entire time.
The guard that was already in the tower-a new hire, if he recalled-nervously stepped up to fall in line beside him.
Batman waved him off.
He knew Phantom. He knew that the man wasn’t actually a villain.
A Training Villain wasn’t something Batman had seen younger heroes needing, but when the Ghost in front of him had started play-fighting with the younger heroes to teach them through safe combat, the Bat had been mentally kicking himself.
It was a perfect job to train younger heroes, and Batman couldn’t help but feel like he’d failed the previous iterations by not realizing that.
Robin was still angry that he’d fallen for it, of course he was, but Batman could not deny that Phantom’s strange method of training had been instrumental in helping his youngest work through his rage.
Just like he could not deny that he and Phantom had something in common with Arkham.
It wasn’t hard to assume that the walls held a person responsible for the death of someone in the man’s life.
Phantom had only shown up to Arkham a total of three times.
The first time, he’d just hovered outside of it, holding his hand to his chest. He’d done nothing, and left in an hour.
The second time, two years later, he’d broken two walls and shattered a watchtower, screaming for someone to come out and face him. Robin had been on scene before Batman had time to distract him, convinced it was the same Phantom he was used to dealing with.
Surprisingly, the sight of Robin had been enough to still the beast Phantom had become. He’d toned down, forced Robin into a surprise hug, and then disappeared. Robin had been livid, but Batman had learned something about the Training Villain he didn’t think he wanted to know.
The man knew loss, and Batman was pretty sure he knew it on the same scale Bruce did.
From there, it wasn’t hard to figure out the most likely objects of his wrath.
Phantom was a Ghost. Ghosts had a very, very bad history with the American Government. The Anti-ecto acts had just been revealed to the public by Lois Lane, and the country was tearing itself apart.
The people who had been the most avid supporters had been, currently were, the Dr.s Fenton.
Who were housed in Arkham.
Batman had said nothing. He had gone back to the cave and quietly updated Phantom’s file, and left it at that.
The third time was the present.
Phantom had almost lost his temper. Almost.
But he’d reigned it in.
“Phantom,” Batman started, staring at the figure above him, “I know you can hear me. What’s happened?”
The Ghost stayed where he was for one hundred and twenty seconds, before slowly gliding down to the Bat.
Phantom did not say anything.
He did not have to.
His eyes were anywhere, everywhere, but where he actually was. When he actually was.
Batman quietly hissed through his teeth.
Alright then.
“I’m here if you want to talk, otherwise we can be silent. Just know that at this moment, you are not alone.”
Phantom chose silence for a good seventeen minutes.
Then Phantom opened his mouth.
“I should hate them,” the voice was halting, tired, “I should, I really should. They loved me so much, but they…they tore him apar-“ Phantom’s voice failed him.
Batman said nothing, and gave the Ghost time to collect himself.
While he waited, he compartmentalized what he’d learned. The Fentons had torn apart someone very, very important to Phantom.
And Bruce had an awful feeling that he meant that literally.
“I can’t be here,” Phantom said instead of finishing his previous thought.
Batman nodded.
“You didn’t hurt anyone this time, so go; I see no reason to stop you.”
Phantom didn’t grace Batman with a goodbye, but the Bat swore he felt an invisible hand squeeze his shoulder after the Ghost vanished from sight.
~~~~~~
Danny laid on the examination bed, one hand being held by Sam while Tucker lounged on the bed at Danny’s feet. They were talking about their new companies, how the world was changing, and distracted Danny while Frostbite examined his vivisection scarring.
Danny looked everywhere but Frostbite as the yeti pushed and prodded. He didn’t want to look at his chest if he didn’t have to, but he also didn’t want the embarrassment that was accidentally meeting his doctor’s eyes in the middle of a physical.
“Fantastic news, Young Savior,” Frostbite said, interrupting their idle chatter, “Your core, while still healing, is recovering at a phenomenal rate. Truly, Lady Gotham is good on her word! At this pace, your core should be fully healed in a mere century!”
Danny hated that. He hated that it needed to heal, and he hated that he was going to outlive his friends.
Sam and Tucker leaned a little closer, offering comfort for something that they knew the Ancient before them wouldn’t understand.
“Better news, the physical damage appears to be almost completely healed. The regrown kidney and stomach are showing no signs of failing, and the scarring should be the only nuisance. I recommend the afore-mentioned stretches and lotion to help the scar tissue conform with your movements.”
Danny nodded, sitting up as Frostbite stepped back and removed his hand from inside Danny’s torso.
“I also see no issue with your residual limb, although it does appear you’ve been forgetting to remove the prosthetic often enough to cause some light bruising. Can’t say I don’t understand, but perhaps write a reminder and pin it on your bedroom wall.”
Danny avoided Sam’s flat look.
Tucker just flashed his phone screen at Danny, the words ‘I can make you something really cool with rockets it you let me’ sprawled across the screen.
Danny absorbed Sam’s flat look and mirrored it towards Tucker.
Tucker threw up his hands.
“Ancients forbid I do anything, I guess,” the techie sighed dramatically.
Once Danny pulled himself together and got ready to leave, Tucker threaded an arm around his own.
“So, wanna go ding-dong-ditch Walker?”
Danny paused, then grinned; and for the first time in two weeks, it wasn’t a lie.
~~~~~~
Danny waved back at Sam and Tucker as they went through their own portals. They would definitely have to get together and hit the town on Earth.
Danny walked through his own portal and ran face-first into a mass of muscle.
Dan steadied him as he bounced back.
Danny was immediately hit with conflicting, very confusing emotions.
He was looking at Dan, his enemy. He was looking at his father? No, it was Dan. Wasn’t that the same-?
Danny shook his head. He’d never gotten a straight answer about why his Ghost self’s view on Dan had changed so dramatically; everyone always shied away from the question.
“Can I ask what you’re doing in my apartment?” He asked instead, stepping back and closing the portal.
“Just making sure you’re settling in, Tiny.”
“We’re the same height?”
“Nah, we’re not.”
Danny shoved the absurdity of their interaction in the back of his head and made for his couch.
“Well, whatever you’re doing here, here’s to hoping it involved making dinner,” he groaned, sinking into the cushion and pulling up his left leg to start the tediously cumbersome process of pulling it off, “because per the doctor, I’m supposed to keep the prosthetic off for the rest of today.”
“I was gonna order out. Move, we’re watching Sailor Moon.”
Danny whined pitifully when Dan physically picked him up and moved him to the side.
He fought his instincts, and his instincts won.
He leaned back and allowed Dan to take the prosthetic off, clawed fingers delicate for all that the man snarled under his breath.
He also allowed the man to commandeer the TV; not something he would even allow Jazz to do.
“Why do I let you do these things?” Danny muttered, eyeballing the quasi-villain on his couch as said villain massaged the stump just below his knee.
Dan snorted.
“I’ll tell you when you’re older.”
“Ugh, no one tells me anything.”
“We’re pacing you,” Dan corrected, blunt for all that the words were careful, “when you’re back on your feet, you’ll get the non-vital details we skimmed.”
Danny didn’t bother arguing; he’d already tried for the better part of the previous year. For some reason, the yetis took Dan’s side, too.
Instead, they fell into a companionable silence, appreciating Sailor Moon. Which was fine by Danny, since he never knew how to behave around Dan. It was only interrupted by the delivery of the Greek food Dan had ordered out.
Danny was on his second Gyro when Dan finally broke the silence.
“So I heard there was a rogue attack outside your apartment,” he said idly, and Danny could feel his eyes on him.
“Yeah.”
“So you got to see the Bats in action?”
“…Yeah.”
Dan leaned in, eyes going critical.
“What needs improvement? Don’t lie; that ‘yeah’ was one that means you weren’t impressed.”
Danny shrugged.
“I dunno, just…they didn’t have someone who’s only job it was was to evacuate the people, or help the injured. It was just offense, no defense.”
Dan snorted and leaned away.
“Kept telling that to Robin, but no; ‘Father this’ and ‘Father that’.” Dan shook his head, chewing thoughtfully on his rack of lamb. “So. What are you gonna do about it?”
Danny blinked.
“Excuse me?”
“You’ve seen what they need, and I’m not stupid enough to think you’ll stay out of the game forever. What are you gonna do about it?”
Danny looked down at his Gyro, frowning.
What was he gonna do about it?
He couldn’t fight, not like he used to, not really. But if the Bats were tanking, then…he probably wouldn’t really have to.
“I’ve been in medical facilities for almost a year,” Danny said slowly, ignoring how Dan stiffened next to him, “I think I’ve picked up a few things. Frostbite would probably be thrilled if I asked him to teach me, honestly.”
Dan relaxed, humming thoughtfully around the bone he was chewing on.
“I think…I’ll be a medic.”
@simplestoryteller @gildedphoenix
I do not suffer PTSD, and I've never had a life-altering injury. That said, I know people who have, for both of those.
I apologize if my descriptions are off.
Here's some notes to piece together what this chapter outlines, for those that want the sparknotes as to what Dan is alluding to.
From my notes;
"Ghosts can carry another ghosts core if that core is injured, to protect and promote healing. Typically, the father or mother figure does it. In this particular instance, Dan did it.
We will see in a bit, but for Dan their relationship went from enemies-warden-person I gotta apologize to-person I’ve got to save-the core housed next to mine-son.
For Danny, it randomly went from enemies to ‘why do I think dan is my dad more than I think my dad is my dad’."
This is where the "forced parenthood" tw comes into play, because Dan felt like he had to do it, and due to instinct Danny subconsciously got dragged along for the ride.
Also, if it wasn't clear from the age list on the first chapter and the timeline presented, I'm playing around with Lian and Roy's timeline; Dan's first year he babysat her, and then she died. She came back only four weeks prior to Danny re-entering the human world.
#in the shadow of speculation#dcxdp#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#blood tw#vivisection tw#flashback tw#night terror tw#descriptions of recovery#physical therapy mention#self hatred tw#abled verbiage tw#forced parenthood tw#healing through helping others#past abuse#past torture
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The first mistake I see people make is assuming there are completely "nonviolent" ways to be transphobic. It seems like some people conceptualize transphobia as being either violent (which is always physical in some way) or nonviolent (which is "simple" emotional, verbal, or psychological abuse)
It seems, also, that people presume that when somebody has "noble" intentions for their transphobia - "I'm trying to save you!" for instance - it is suddenly nonviolent. Consider, though, how a transphobe would "save" a trans person. Would they allow that person to exist unadulterated (including being able to transition), or would they prefer to put them through conversion therapy, or revoke their access to bodily autonomy, or force them to have children, or anything that will prevent them from transition or even identifying as trans or otherwise tying them down with the obligations that prevent transition or identifying as trans?
There is no true "nonviolent" way to be transphobic because being transphobic relies on denying one the ability to autonomy and personhood. Fundamentally, even the transphobes who "want to save us" only do so in their own self-interest to save them from the horror of knowing that more people than they are alive and thriving.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#it's just very frustrating when i see people act as though some transphobia is more acceptable than other forms...#...simply because it isn't overt with how much it wants trans people eradicated...#...transphobes will do whatever it takes both for their comfort and also to wipe the world clean of trans people#in some cases it looks like infantilism ('youre so young! poor thing you're being MANIPULATED😭') or...#...it could look like outright cut-and-dry violence (conversion therapy or physical abuse). it all depends on the situation...#...what stays the same is the sheer level of hatred and scorn for trans people and the trans condition...#...and it is in that hatred and scorn that you find that ALL forms of transphobia are united...#...so it is just as important to combat ALL forms of transphobia#abuse#abuse tw#abuse mention tw
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AU where Wen Qing is Wei Wuxian's unofficial physical therapist (he couldn't afford one otherwise). Most recently messed up in a motorcycle accident, he also has various old injuries from being a teenage hooligan.
So Wei Wuxian is complaining to Jiang Cheng in public somewhere, like a café or a dining hall, like, "Wen Qing is so mean to me! I'm so sore! Look, is my shoulder bruised? It feels bruised."
And Jiang Cheng says something snarky and dismissive, like, "You deserve this."
And Lan Wangji overhears only parts of this conversation and comes to his own alarming conclusions.
So the next day Lan Wangji tells Wei Wuxian that he has something very important to talk to him about. He sounds so serious that Wei Wuxian is like, "Sure, buddy. Your place?"
Wei Wuxian doesn't know what to expect, but definitely not for Lan Wangji to haltingly but determinedly start talking about how Wei Wuxian deserves to be safe, and it's okay to ask for help, and men in relationships can be abused by women partners, too, and it's important not to be ashamed and to utilize the resources available.
He pushes a bunch of pamphlets across the table at Wei Wuxian and adds earnestly, "I know your family situation is complicated, so if you need somewhere to go you can stay with me."
And Wei Wuxian is so stunned and horrified that Lan Wanghi thinks Wen Qing is his abusive girlfriend, but also so, so happy that Lan Wangji cares so much about him! He brought pamphlets and everything!!
And when Lan Wangji explains that he overheard Wei Wuxian talking to Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian starts laughing and explains, "No no no, Wen Qing is my physical therapist, she isn't abusing me, I'm just a crybaby whiner! We live together but we're definitely not dating!!"
And before Lan Wangji can get too embarrassed Wei Wuxian calms down and says, "But like hey, I'm so touched you care about me and wanted to help me, like even if you kind of hate me you're still such a good person."
Cue Lan Wangji's, "I've never hated you, I've criticized your behavior in the past because you put yourself in danger and get hurt."
And of course they start dating soon, and when Lan Wangji finally meets Wen Qing he brings her favorite food as apology, and Wen Qing forgives him. (His cooking is really good. And also she's secretly-not-so-secretly glad that Wei Wuxian has such a good person to take care of him and keep him safe and happy.)
(Anyway this is what happens when I'm bored at physical therapy I guess lol)
#mdzs#mdzs au#wei wuxian#lan wangji#wangxian#wen qing#fics i'll never write#physical therapy#partner abuse#tw abuse mention
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A short, angsty one-shot.
Stanley finds a distressed Reader. He's not good with words, but he means well.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive to process things...
Rated T, just in case.
"The Scenic Route"
It happened again.
Just when you thought you were in the clear, life took you by the collar of your shirt and dragged you through the mud again. The numbness of your heart hadn’t settled in- you still felt the stabbing pain of your anguish. Tears were flowing from your eyes- you hated them, you hated crying like this, you were so ugly when it happened-
No matter how hard you tried to hold it back, they dripped down your red cheeks and slid down your neck. Your nose ran and you looked down at your trembling hands. When would the numbness settle in so you could stop feeling like this?
The thought that someone would find you hadn’t crossed your mind. Least of all that it would be him.
“There you are, toots! I’ve been looking all over for you…-” Stan’s gruff voice trailed off as he noticed how hunched over you were.
You twisted away from him, trying to apologize, trying to hide your tear-stained face but he brushed off your apologies, silently walking over to sit beside you. His warmth radiated against your body like a furnace, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. It was embarrassing enough that he’d caught you like this.
“Who made you cry?” There was an edge to his voice that spoke volumes of what he might do to the perpetrator, but you shook your head. You didn’t trust yourself to speak, and you took deep breaths, trying to get control of yourself.
It felt impossible-
The weight of Stan’s arm wrapped around you and he softly murmured, “C’mere. It’s ok. You don’t gotta talk about it if you don’t want to… But lemme hold you, doll.”
You kept your face hidden against his chest, allowing him to pull you against his warm body. He was simultaneously soft and firm; one arm kept you close while he stroked your hair with his other hand. The comfort of his touch was enough to help you regain control of your breath and you finally settled down, breathing a little easier.
“It’s just… I'm so tired.” You whispered finally, the sting of your pain still throbbing in your heart.
His fingers faltered in your hair before he tilted your face up to his. You resisted.
“Sweetheart, look at me.”
You finally turned your face up to him. His dark eyes were like warm pools of amber, and you saw your pain reflected in them. His rough palm caressed your cheek gently, wiping the bitter tears from beneath your eyes. His lips twitched with indecision before he spoke.
“You and I both know I’m no good with this sort of thing. Besides, there’s nothin’ I can say that you haven't heard a million times before already… Whatever's bothering you, I can't take it away... But I got a car. Why don't we get out of here for a while?”
You decided that, yes, you did want a ride.
“Well, then.” He stood up, taking your hand. “What the hell are we waiting for?”
You let him lead you and with every step, the pain began to lessen if ever so slightly.
The Stanleymobile roared to life and you felt a flicker of exhilaration as you settled back against the seat. Stan passed you a tissue.
“Don’t worry, it’s clean. What kind of guy do you take me for?” He chuckled at the skeptical look you sent him before accepting the offering.
The car rolled from the driveway, and the world became a slow-moving blur of sweet-smelling pine trees. Stan flicked the radio on, and the wind brushed your face and played with your hair as he took you down the winding roads of Gravity Falls.
You knew, deep down, you’d have to face your problems when the ride ended, but for now, it was just you, Stan, and the gorgeous views that were passing you by. The sun set, rendering the sky with watercolor textures of orange, pink and soft lavender.
Not one more word was spoken between you and Stan during the ride, and that was ok with you. His presence was enough to comfort you.
You leaned back, letting your eyes close as you drummed your fingers with the music, swaying with the motion of the car, and inhaling the smells of the surrounding forest.
The chill of the evening air became a bit much, and he turned to look at you.
“Ready to go back?”
“No, not really.”
He chuckled softly.
“I know where we can go.”
The Overlook wasn’t exactly a secret spot, but it was still fairly private, and as Stan parked the car, you took off your seatbelt and slid closer to him. He wrapped his arm around you again. The edges of dusk were giving away to twilight. The sight was beautiful, and for a moment, you really forgot about your pain.
In that moment, all you could feel was warmth, and you glanced up at Stan. He squeezed you a little closer, his mouth pulled in an uncertain smile.
“You’re gonna be ok, toots.” He hummed.
“I know… Thank you, Stan.” You leaned against his broad chest. He shifted slightly, and you felt his lips brush the top of your head affectionately.
“Anytime, sweetheart.”
#gravity falls#my writing#fanfic#Stanley Pines X Reader#Hurt/comfort#angst#Stan comforts Reader#Sometimes words aren't enough#sometimes you have to physically leave to process things#therapy through taking the backroads#implied established relationship between Stan and Reader#no specific reasons for Reader's distress are mentioned
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This page is so heartbreaking in multiple ways, this is trauma in a page
First, baldur mentions he tried to unalive himself A HUNDRED AND TWENTY NINE TIMES. A HUNDRED?? AND TWENTY NINE TIMES??? 129?? That is a LOT. The number isn't even the main thing, the concept of him trying SO HARD to get rid of his curse, even if that means giving his life away, is so heartbreaking and explains how much he suffered when he was cursed.
Second, he mentions how badly the presence of Freya affects him on a daily basis. Whether he's around her or not, he feels TORMENTED by her. The way you could see his hatred face the moment he realized Freya was there with Kratos and Atreus; that's just insane. Imagine not being able to stand a person - especially your own mom, the woman who gave birth to you - to the point you want to die just to not feel their presence on your body or your soul.
That is CRAZY.
Third, Baldur implies he would LOVE to become a father.
At first when you read the sentence you think it's just a way to remind her of how badly she affected him, but when you read it the second time you actually realize he implies it. Baldur would love having a child of his own, but ONCE AGAIN the curse his own mom gave him stops him from following this dream of his. This is definitely the most heartbreaking part, because (in my head, this is not in the book or anything) I feel like baldur would want to take care of his kid the OPPOSITE way baldur's parents took care of him. Freya traumatized him and basically gave him a free pass to dangerous forms of insanity, and Odin took advantage of it and made Baldur his little puppet.
Give this man a second to breathe.
PLEASE.
#i'm so sad#i need therapy#that's it#he's my baby boy#poor guy i cant#he deserves a collective hug#if i were to meet him i wouldn't even flirt with him#just let me give him a hug#not to mention the fact that hes so touchy and loves physical contact#it doesn't have anything to do with the book but still IF THIS ISNT CUTE#and once again its something freya took away from him#dont do this to me#i love the god of war fandom#goes insane#baldur content??#how can people not love god of war#god of war#god of war ragnarok#god of war 2018#baldur#baldur god of war#freya#freya god of war
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#mental health#mental illness#mental wellbeing#positive mental attitude#mental wellness#adhd#positivity#self healing#therapy#body positive#beautiful body#positive thoughts#positive quotes#coping#mental health stuff#mental health memes#mental health mention#tw disordered eating#disordered eating thoughts#physically disabled#disability#tw eating issues
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I am putting my heart soul and entire pussy into this slowburn fic. It genuinely has become a project, like, my therapist is hearing about this one yall.
#im not mentioning a therapist to be edgy or quirky by the way im saying it because i truly believe therapy should be normalized#and that everyone should be able to get one#we have physical health screenings regularly but not mental health? i think that needs to change#there is no shame in therapy see im open about it cuz i think its good#but anyway this fic is a Big Boy#🐇 rambles
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On that note, who had the ‘worst’ reaction to seeing Jonah post-mutation ?
Probably Sarah.
She. literally vomited after seeing him.
#asks are neat#tmc labrats au#patient 07 (jonah)#Control asset (sarah)#vomit mention#Yeah she. literally just. couldn't even believe her eyes.#thatcher was probably second. He legit couldn't even look at him for a minute during Jonah's first physical Therapy session
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diet, skincare, and makeup culture have destroyed my self esteem to the point that existing in an unaltered state is a miserable experience. i want to “get in shape” not because I want to become healthier but because I want to lose weight, I want to “eat healthier” but actually I just want to lose weight. i have a small rotation of expensive skincare not to clean my face but to get rid of acne, I have a makeup collection probably worth multiple hundreds of dollars for the sole purpose of allowing myself think moderately positive about my face. it’s so exhausting to live like this. I know it’s irrational and self destructive, but I cannot stop it.
#🦌#no wonder I’m like this my mother is all fatphobic sephora skincare products goop products not fda evaluated supplements#weight mention#like I physically hate that I’m like this but I can’t stop it#if I get better (meaning perfect and pretty) then I’ll be good enough and no one will ever leave me#maybe I should go to therapy again but it’s expensive and I know all it’s tricks and it doesn’t matter#like it’s gotten to the point where I hate my bone structure like….nothing is off limits. one thing gets better I just hate something else
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coping strategies dont work, time to weed
#cw weed#as an off mention in the caption#safe than sorry#my art#i guess#Therapy accounts try recommending coping strategies that aren’t just . things I do everyday lmao#Top ten coping strategies! metabolizing oxygen. consuming nutrients. contracting and#. processing the information sent by photons using your eyeballs.#Neurotransmission.#Existing within this physical realm.#Hope this helps! ^.^
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I've been toying with a dragonformers au in my head. Not set in a particular canon, bit of a fusion of whatever I want.
So the transformers are dragons, obviously. But I'm torn between having it be about dragon riders, so Dot with Megatron, Raoul with Tracks, etc. Or a conservation area for wild dragons, with the humans basically being park rangers. Or a combo, a retirement area for dragons used for combat.
I'm sorry, I'm just tossing ideas about.
Hmmmm. Now, I'm not quite familiar with dragonformers as I've probably only read one? Fic with it, and even then i didn't quite finish the fic.
Buuuut, here's what I'm thinking here: a mixture, like you've suggested above. Some of them have grown up with humans their entire lives (or most of their lives) and have handlers. Some have had little to no human contact throughout their life up until this point. Some fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum. I feel like it's exactly a good idea to suggest some are former military, but not all of them. Why do I suggest that last line? Hear me out, but
Dragon rehab.
#as I've mentioned before I'm still not entirely thawed out when it comes to the idea if [blank]formers but i definitely consider it#i myself like to keep them as sapient as possible just like they are in canon but hey that's me#dragonformers#maccadam#transformers#au#the picture i was getting in my head was mostly tfa and g1 but i definitely definitely couldn't stop thinking about the aligned predacons#or the game of thrones universe even though i have literally never watched a single episode or read a single book in it.#all i know about game of throwns is the fire and ice modpack and a youtube spec bio vid and ykw that's all i need#the only clear characters i was getting was hot rod and megatron#with hot rod having been raised with humans his entire life and he's here to drag everyone else into therapy (physical and other)#i was conflicted on Megs being 100% wild or if he's a veteran (tfp version for the first but tfa version for the second)#that's all i have😅#hot rod would look so fucking cool as a dragon#he has phoenix based dragon vibes#oh right ig mtmte is also in the mix in my head but mostly the more lighthearted parts
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...
#chronic blogging#shit chat#well at this point both of my parents (who i inherited my Just Tough It Out streak from) have#upon hearing how bad my post-hysterectomy pain has been#told me 'umm no you need to go see someone.' and 'please just go to urgent care i will pay for it if your insurance won't.' respectively#haunted by the ghost of my right ovary (sharp stabbing pains & debilitating muscle spasms around the incision site)#it's been 1.5 years since surgery and it's getting worse not better#at my 1mo post op i was like 'hey right side hurts a lot worse & the incision seems really wonky & off-center. thoughts?'#they said it was nothing to worry about give it time i might still be feeling pain up to 6mo post op#sooo 8mo post op contact surgeon again 'hey remember that thing i mentioned? yeah still hurts bad enough i struggle to walk sometimes'#she says eeehhh maybe you developed pelvic floor dysfunction or always had it and surgery made it worse. read this book & do some stretches#book stretches & muscle relaxers helped for a bit so i just carried on but it was not improving in fact becoming more persistent#lil over a year post op contact surgeon like 'HEY do not ignore me i am in an amount of pain that is NOT NORMAL and you WILL see me'#drive 1+ hrs for her to poke at me for ~10 minutes ignore most of what i was saying and determine it's just muscle spasms do more stretches#said physical therapy MIGHT help if i did it 2x monthly for at least 6mo. which would've involved commuting over an hour during the workweek#no THANK you i'll just keep doing my stupid stretches. and the thing is.#the stretches ARE helping. i feel my overall balance/flexibility/stamina improving#but that by contrast is making the STABBING PAINS WHERE MY RIGHT OVARY USED TO BE all the more obvious#'oh it's just muscle spasms' well why the FUCK are my muscles spasming around THIS SPOT EXCLUSIVELY for SEVENTEEN MONTHS STRAIGHT#i have essentially no pain on my left side at all. i feel overall just fine & dandy but i am convinced there is something#like. very seriously wrong on the right side causing this#and yeah if my surgeon won't listen to me maybe i will check myself into urgent care and demand an ultrasound#(which btw i asked for during my last visit & she told me it was unnecessary & to fuck off)#but now the two people who instilled me with a very deep mistrust for the medical industry#and from who i learned from via a lifetime of observation how to dissociate from chronic pain in order to function#are telling me 'yeah no this is bad you need a DOCTOR.' umm. i probably need a doctor.#was talking w/ E last night about degrees of pain & like. avg day is like 4-6 on a 0-10 scale. good days 2-3.#i don't consider calling out from work unless it's like an 8 or higher cause i'm just so used to it.#i'm sick of it. so fucking bored with being in constant pain. i want my life & energy back. i want a personality beyond Oh Just Tired back.#i wanna be able to enjoy touch again with immediately hitting overstimulation threshold due to pain.
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being a twenty something year old with little to no dating experience (heavy on the no), a debilitating fear of rejection and social anxiety is so weird bc i’ll tell my friends that i find someone cute and they’re like “omg talk to them :D just be yourself, ask them questions, be casual” and like… bestie you Don’t Get It I Literally Can’t Do That
#physically i can do it but getting over that mental barrier feels so impossible#not to mention i just feel so inept ??#and like i know my lack of dating is for a multitude of reasons many of them self inflicted#but i still just feel 🫠 so inept and undesirable like ugh#i wish it could just be easy like i want to effortless socialize and meet people and have fun!!!#but instead i have to play the most agonizing mental olympics trying to navigate social situations/dating#is therapy the answer? yes it is but alas#also… be yourself? my friend idk what or who that is!#talk time
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I’m fucking disabled
#I had this conversation with my therapist last week. I’ll give you the secret HIPAA breaking rundown#I HATE calling myself disabled#I don’t know why. there’s no shame in it. it’s just ya know it’s just what I am#but I still can’t get it into my head that yes I’m kinda fucking disabled#because here I am sitting on this creaky futon unable to understand anything anyone is saying to me bc my hearing is so bad#it’s a bad hearing day! it happens! some days are good! today is very much not so good!#so I told my therapist I’m way cool with telling people I have mental health issues#but when it comes to hearing it’s ‘oh no I’m not REALLY disabled. I just uhhhhh can’t uhhh fuckin hear sometimes 🤷🏻♂️ that’s normal right?’#and he’s like no my sweet boy you are disabled you need to own that shit#okay… he didn’t say it like that but this is my flashback please let me have this#let me be a sweetie boy in my own mind#he said it’s usually the reverse: people don’t like to admit mental health issues but will mention physical disabilities#I just… I spent 30 something years with great hearing and then it all just got taken from me out of the blue and no one knows why#and I hate that. I’m so angry. I’m so fucking angry and scared and alone#and I hate admitting that yes I am disabled. like really disabled. it feels like defeat.#and it shouldn’t. like I said it’s just kinda what I am now. It’s like saying I breathe or I’m allergic to birds. it just is me.#sorry I’m just having a rough day#I got about an hour of sleep and now I’m holding down the fort while a home inspector and the new buyer look through the house#and I can’t talk to either of them. I can’t understand them talking to each other. it’s isolating.#I have therapy later and I’m hoping I’ll be able to communicate and hear during it. I really just need someone to talk to#I miss talking to people in person. I can still do that it just can take a bit of work and I hate subjecting people to putting up with me#I feel so needy. I just want some human connection. I want to know I can still make this work.#gosh this is whiny. sorry about that. just needed a quick vent to get me through the next few hours#anyway I love you. probably. maybe… ehhh#you can ignore this#text
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it feels like Izzy could have been a character designed to appeal to me specifically at this point in my life
leg injury that affects his gait? check. suicidal ideation? check. self-destructive? check. disaster gay? check.
#captain’s log#izzy hands#si mention#tw suicide#izzy#I went to physical therapy for my leg but it’s still a little wonky and I’m coming to terms with it being like that
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I love your art! Your Nichoji illustrations are so beautiful.
Are there any tropes or genres that you like a lot and would like to see more of in Fence fan works?
!!!!!
thANK YOU?? 💛💛💛 goodness you all are sO damn sweet 😭😭😭 i'm just happy to be here and that people enjoy my silly thoughts
oooo that's a good one. i love the tattoo artist/florist trope a lot for no real good reason tbh. particularly for eugesse uwu. have always been a big fan of antihero/robin hood aus where one character is running from the law and the other is some journalist or hero trying to catch them. on that thread, secret identity shenanigans too. some other rapid fire ones are road trips, snow days & winter shenanigans, olympics shenaniganary, and finding each other as adults post high school and falling in love (whatever trope that's called??).
also full disclosure that just bc of my life going crazy since 2022 and eating all of my free time, i haven't been active in the ao3 tag like i used to be :') if folks have written stuff like this, hell yea! feel free to send it and i'll hopefully have a moment to read
thank you for the ask!! 💛
#asks#honorary mention to non fencing college aus#in my heart seiji is a math major and jesse is a fashion major#if eugene isn't nursing or teaching def physical therapy with a minor in art#nick.......................tbh i could see him as auto engineering or whatever it's called#automotive engineering that's the one thanks google#kally is a man after my own heart and is in my glorious major of materials science and engineering#anyway. apparently i have thoughts on this i did not realize i had#fence shit
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