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ellaenchanting · 6 months

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Hypnovember Day 8: Addicted

There was a study she had read in college.

(He might have read it too.)

There were 4 groups of rats. Each one would push a lever and get a food reward. Some rats would get rewarded every time they pushed. Some would get rewarded every other time or every three times. For the last group of rats, their reward was completely random- there was no predictable pattern to when a reward might happen.

Then the food stopped. The first group of rats- the ones who usually always got rewarded- were the first to stop pushing the lever and to go about their regular ratty business. Then the second group. Then the third.

The last group, though, never gave up on the possibility of food. They would anxiously push their little levers over and over, fruitlessly waiting on a reward that would never come again.

She had felt sorry for them. Poor, stupid rats. If only they had known the trap they were in- surely then they could find the will to pull themselves free.

How could she have known differently?

"Hi," she typed in her message to him. "I know you said you'd get in touch with me this week. FYI I'm around all day today if you want to talk!"

Hit send.

Paused.

Added a cute seal picture.

Tried no to wait by her computer for a reply.

He had been a dream answered at first. A famous, well regarded hypnotist was somehow interested in her- an anonymous internet fan. She had never expected a response when she had messaged him about his file but- not only had he thoughtfully answered her questions, he had asked her some back. Why was she interested in hypnosis? What got her started? What was she struggling with? What did she want to experience?

A few rounds of messaging back and forth had led to a call. And THAT call had led to her first actual experience being hypnotized-an incredible one. She felt deep and dreamy and oh so submissive. It had been everything she had hoped it would be- and more. She hadn't expected the praise, especially, to flow over her the way it did- how obedient she was, how pretty like this, what a natural subject- but she soaked it in like a flower soaking in sunshine.

It had felt meaningful.

Important.

After that, they were in constant contact. They sent stories back and forth. Fantasies. Dreams. He was the only one she had truly been able to open up to about her hypnofetish and her desires to be controlled. She wanted it so much- that freedom to let go and let herself be molded. Not only did he seem to understand- he encouraged it. "This is clearly who you are," he said. "Submission comes naturally to you- just like domination comes naturally to me. Why should we be ashamed?"

When he offered to make her HIS submissive, she had jumped at the chance. Of course, they would keep things casual, like he said. She knew he had other submissives he cared for and that things between them didn't need to be exclusive for them to be special. She also agreed that, as part of being His, she wouldn't interact with any other hypnotists besides him. But that was OK. She didn't know any other hypnotists. Plus, it was dangerous, he said, to give your mind to too many people- have too many people trying to make changes. Hypnotic suggestions and compulsions could conflict with each other, you see, and that could create all kinds of mental health issues. He didn't want that for her.

She was touched when he looked out for her like this.

And how could she want anyone else, anyway? Day after day they exchanged text messaged. Text trances. Video calls. He hypnotized her over and over- making her more and more his. There wasn't room for anyone else in her deeply programmed psyche. She could feel his thoughts and influence constantly in her head- changing and building her even while she slept. It was like she was a project they were both working on together.

It felt like being owned.

It felt like love.

Then just as surely as the flood started- it stopped.

At first, the lack of communication made sense. He was sick, he said, and couldn't respond easily to messages. He still texted her frequently though- maybe not for trance, exactly, but at least to let her know he was ok. He'd talk about what was going on his life and she'd tell him what was happening in hers. It felt intimate in a different way. She appreciated his thoughtfulness.

Then he was traveling.

Then he needed some alone time.

Of course she was understanding of all of this. What friend wouldn't want their friend to travel? To have time to recover? She would be selfish to demand otherwise- for the sake of a silly kink, no less. She sent messages of support and understanding throughout the day. When he mentioned bad mental health stuff, she offered to help him look up therapists in his area.

No need, he wrote back. I'm just going through some things.

And when he started releasing files again? She was overjoyed! Finally he was back to doing what he loved. Maybe that meant he was getting better?

She was relieved. Despite being a good understanding sub, she had really started to feel anxious without him. Part of their dynamic was that she craved to hear his voice, that she needed to have his conditioning in her head. She felt a bit distressed going without it for so long. His new files, at least, were giving her something to hold onto. They weren't personal to her and their dynamic, of course, but the suggestions and mantras in them gave her some of the hot submissive feelings she had grown to crave.

"Devoted, dominated, and dependent", she repeated with the girls in the recordings. "Devoted, dominated, and dependent".

Over and over.

It felt so good.

She messaged him every time she listened (and she listened quite frequently). She knew he liked begging, so she would beg him sweetly in her messages for a call. She took and sent videos of herself under his spell- eyes rolled back, repeating the mantras over and over. She knew he liked those.

Sometimes, he responded.

Sometimes they even had a video call.

When they did, it was great. She felt like his suggestions were going deeper and deeper into her mind- like she was giving him more and more of herself. Things she never thought she'd accomplish as a subject- amnesia, hallucinations, orgasm on demand- all of these things seemed within her reach. She couldn't wait to see what he could make her into.

"Thank you sir," she said at the end of one of their calls. "Thank you so much. I'm so happy that I have you."

"Good girl," he said, smirking. "What a good devoted, dominated, dependent slut you are for me."

She beamed at the praise.

"Sir," she finally braved to ask. "I know you've been busy lately. I know a lot of the time you just have energy for recordings. But- could you make a recording just for me? So I could listen to it when you're busy? It would really help me when we can't find time to talk."

His face turned serious. He seemed to be seriously contemplating her question, finding the perfect answer.

"No," he said finally. "I'm sorry, pet. It's not that I don't care. I just- don't want you to get addicted."

She understood, of course. He had always been thoughtful about her safety.

So it continued.

Occasionally she would see his interactions on social media with others. (Not that she hunted for those.) (Too much.)

For instance, he seemed quite drawn to a new girl named Hypnohunty lately. They publicly interacted all the time. She felt a pang of jealousy about this- strong jealousy, hot and sharp like a knife- but she also felt embarrassed by it. There really was no room for jealousy in their relationship. After all, she had knowingly agreed to be in a polyamorous relationship with him. And she didn't want to feel badly towards Hypnohunty, who was new and friendly and seemed sweet (whoever she was).

Improving her jealous personality had even been an consented-to part of her submissive conditioning. Her Sir frequently worked with her (when he worked with her) to help her feel more compersion towards his other submissive partners. After all, sharing was caring and there really weren't enough Doms to satisfy all the needy submissive girls out there. There was no place for her kind of insecurity in healthy kink.

She'd just have to be better at getting his attention.

Sometimes one of her messages would break through. He'd send her a smiley or a fire emoji when she described a hot fantasy. They'd go a few weeks in a row without him canceling their weekly call. They'd even do hypnosis sometimes- when he was up for it.

Then, there would be periods of nothing.

Which is what seemed to be happening now.

She still had hope, though. He had said he would contact her this week, so she would give him every opportunity to reconnect. Even if it meant waiting by the computer. She'd give him that chance.

She was loyal, after all.

Like a good submissive should be.

Thanks to @daja-the-hypnokitten for the mantra help.

Tagging @mentat101posts @thekinkycocktailclub @jam-and-stuff

#hypnovember #hypnovember 2023 #loosely autobiographical?#but only loosely #and not really about any particular person- thank god #at least not that I've played with #more exploring how addictive these relationships can feel #and especially submission if you're not careful #or- even- if you're just unlucky #ghosting #or rather- fading #ouch ouch ouch

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tricoufamily · 8 months

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once again thinking about how easy it would be for me to be in a relationship if i was cis

#cis woman cis man either way #dude in the neighborhood has a crush on me telling me i'm beautiful like 'thanks! i will go home and cry now'#i fucking hate being trans i wish i wasn't lol #and sometimes i feel like i can't talk about this anywhere bc in a lot of trans spaces it's like. taboo? to express anything but positivity #as if me being honest about how i feel about myself is somehow how i feel about every single trans person jesus christ but whatever whateve #like listen peace and love but i need you to do me a favor and promise me you will not come at me with any 'transness should be about joy'#i know you mean well i know you're right. but transness for me /is/ pain and sorrow. that's all it's ever caused me my entire life #you have to remember that i'm from rural appalachian tennessee with a transphobic family #some of the most deeply rooted self hating repression for years just for. more honest self hatred #i've never admitted this before but i've considered detransitioning and repressing because of transphobia many times #i'm not brave i'm not strong i'm not trying to make some grand statement or be the voice of a generation. i just want to Be. you know #i just got really really unlucky #but i can't repress. i know that would be even more miserable so i'm just. trapped. forever #who i want to be forever out of reach like tantalus or something i don't know #i want to be loved #or maybe i should just watch the batman again

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shima-draws · 11 months

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I finally figured out why I’ve been in near constant pain for the past month lmao apparently I’ve got a pinched nerve in my hip so like. Sciatica. Idk HOW it happened or why but I’m seeing a chiro to hopefully do something about it :”)

#Shima speaks #It's like. Aching pain in my right hip and leg.#My leg especially it hurts SO bad sometimes #Both of my parents were like 'You shouldn't have hip issues at your age' WELL MAYBE I'M JUST UNLUCKY 😔#I really hope this is an easy fix and not smth I'll have to live with forever. Bc I can't do it. I've barely survived a month #People who deal with chronic pain you're the real champs. No cap idk how you deal with this all the time #How did I even pinch a nerve in my hip. Who knows!!#I'd be fine if it were just mildly uncomfortable but no this is deadass just. Excruciating sometimes #Anyway chiro tomorrow 🙏 I actually already went on Tuesday so #I've already been adjusted once #And THAT was wild. I've never been to the chiro before so this was a new thing for me lol

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the-acid-pear · 10 months

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I honestly love just how Bad the Addisons are at their job. Except for pink, pink is the only one who does a somewhat solid job. But like, look at the second shoe addison, selling you shoes as food; or the mannequin addison (who was selling it on a discount), who as soon as you buy their product is like we are out of stock! keep buying! we are out!! . It's pretty sad to be honest, like, i could almost understand why they were such jerks when Spamton made it big, i think i'd have too :/

#luly talks #that last sentence is a lie i dont have a bone of envy in my body i love when others are winning i couldnt care less #but still i get it. like you're busting your ass off trying to make it big like spamton wants control but these dudes must likely too #the addisons dont even get to choose their deals which explains why the blue one is so confused trying to make you eat shoes #i have no explanation why the pink one is such a fucking sigma tho but i love them sm for that #refuses to talk about spamton makes solid sales offers various useful products #sigma grindset all the fucking way forever a pink addison stan #anyway they're just really sad spamton is so fucking unlucky tho #the real question is tho: who tf is hiring them? queen?#the city is so full and yet so desolate it's Odd.#deltarune #addisons

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liebelesbe · 10 months

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hyping myself up to go buy eggs!!!!

#I don't even have to talk to anyone unless I'm really unlucky!!#it's just. a shelf in someone's yard & I just have to put the money in a box #but that's also the scary part bc you can't see the shelf from the street and have to walk into the yard #without a way to be really sure you're in the right yard #bc they don't have a sign up saying they're selling eggs 😑#doddie redet #I'm can do this!!! Seriously I'm got this!!

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the-physicality · 9 days

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#kori i understand your thought process #it's the same as emptying the net #but if you don't fix it #and by that i mean play the whole team and win the next 3 #you're going to lose coach of the year to CK #and i do hope you are seeing all the twitter comments and by that i mean the handful of reporters who are talking about this choice #at the end of the day the first goal last night was an unlucky bounce #[note i still take issue with certain people dumping the puck for no reason]#but it's happened to ambrose and murphy before too i think #the thought process is that if we can only score one goal per game #we better not allow more than one #but honestly i think it's difficult to break a tie in regulation if you aren't being strategic #and i think montreal has a real problem of not taking strategic shots #especially when they are down or not scoring they shoot from distance #which is not the right move #it's something you do when you are desperate #what you need to do is put shots on net collect rebounds and force the goalie to be in 2 places at once #see the poulin daoust goal from the 3-1 boston game #also practice even strength goals PLEASE #i will say one last tangentially related thing: i think the jaques tapanni trade is what helped boston and hurt min #and by that i don't mean that jaques isn't doing well but it's clear that min needed the offensive depth and face-off #expertise that tapanni brought #and i know heise's injury kind of coincided with that as well #but to me it's clear that shifted the momentum #quite frankly it's not a surprise that this is coming up #because the same thing happened with the shootouts #do you know why we lost every single shootout #it's bc kori kept it so top heavy #and i have to wonder if the [starters] are just taking this on the chin or #like as leadership you have a responsibility to the members of your team not just the standing of your team you know

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andromeda3116 · 2 years

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my psychiatrist ordered a test for a genetic mutation that would explain everything, not just for me but for multiple others in my family if it's positive

it would be an answer, finally finally finally a reason

and i keep going back and forth will it be negative will it be positive bc like

it tracks, all of it tracks. not just in my experience, but in the experiences of my dad, my brother, my aunt, my cousin, possibly my grandmother, probably my nephew. it would make everything make sense

but nothing has ever worked out like that for me

i never get an answer

it's always "everything looks normal, nothing looks wrong" and that just keeps feeding the voice in my head that says nothing's wrong at all

because nothing ever is wrong

it's just in your head. you're just weak. it's just that you're fragile and can't cope. nothing's wrong with your brain, your genes. it's just you, who you are. you just aren't good enough

i know that's not helpful, but at the same time... that voice is so hard to silence

what if it is just that i can't cope with reality like other people? what if it isn't biological? what if it's just... who i am, as a person?

this year has already been a string of failures and giving-ups

what if it really is just that i'm that weak?

#you don't want to read this entry #it goes beyond just the mental illness we all share #it's the fact that my dad had a heart attack at 52 #my aunt had at least three miscarriages #it all tracks but it could have alternate explanations #my dad was an alcoholic for decades. nobody questioned that it was genetic until now #my aunt could have just been unlucky #there's no smoking gun #we all have the same tragedies in our blood but there's no proof that it's a gene #and i keep telling myself - even if it's not this gene that doesn't mean that it's not a gene #it might still be biological even if it isn't this specific gene #but i can't stop myself from the creeping prophecy #that it's going to be negative #because i never get answers to any of my questions about myself #there's never a good answer except the base and horrible #''it's just you. you're just weak.''

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ariose-ghoul · 1 month

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the fucking ink5oul insta is so cryptic but i don't know if it's a thing leftover from the arg or what

#''if you're Spoke you know where to reach me'' cool! what the fuck does that mean #is this even magnus related or did someone just get very unlucky irl.

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youngks-smile · 2 months

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What I Want You To Know About Long COVID

Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.

Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.

COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.

Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).

There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.

So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.

COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.

The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".

Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."

There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.

You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.

I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.

This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.

Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.

Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.

Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.

Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.

Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.

Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.

And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.

Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.

I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.

#long covid #covid 19 #covid isn't over #pandemic

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katya-goncharov · 4 months

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it's always such a red flag when a trailer comes out for a new season of a show you like, and your personal blorbo is just nowhere to be seen

#it always means they're either getting absolutely no storylines and have somehow magically become a background character or they're #straight up being written out and not even in an interesting way. and if you're VERY unlucky it's both #bc the showrunners have just decided that they don't care about the character anymore so bad luck if you do!! guess what. they don't #care about you either!

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ketavinsky · 7 months

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miss you dad miss you best friend from evangelical school miss your warm shoulder i leant on miss your long hair miss the shine of the sun over the braid and how it gilded each stray strand miss talking shit about chapel before class with you miss pulling holes in your stockings miss the idea that i loved you in some harmless christian way miss playing ponies with you on your carpet - well you playing ponies and me playing hot wheels but we made it work until ten years flew past and you started getting up at the blue hour, 4am or maybe even 4:30 or 5 if it was a weekend, to jog yourself into the ground. miss the idea i could have helped you run from home miss our plans to run together hope you haven't wasted away. miss you dad. miss waiting for you looking out the bay window that wasn't a bay window but kind of seemed like one with the magnolias sprawled over it until the neighbours cut the magnolias down and mum was never the same after that. miss when mum still felt like mum. miss the fantasy that dad would come and sneak me out of the window and take me very far away from her, mostly because it could have been real i think, if we'd stayed in new zealand a little longer. miss new zealand or the distant dream of it. miss eating caramel slices on the cobwebbed concrete picnic area in the backyard miss the stone frog furred with lichen miss the trampoline i launched my friends off miss reading about fairy rings in the grass with my cat. miss my cat i miss you baby i shouldnt have let mum decide who took care of you when we went away you didn't deserve to die like that. miss you tabby kitty. miss feeling safe even when you clawed that scar into my thigh. miss feeling the scar in my thigh. miss you neighbours kids rocketing off the trampoline miss you boy racers tearing up the street miss you little kids with the boomboxes taped to your bikes miss you catcallers miss you lancer evo lads skyline lads gc8 lads wannabe jdm lads roping stolen furniture to the backs of the cars. miss the older kids i tried to learn to box with. miss you my almost-brothers. miss when things were different before we grew up and i learnt so many of you became predators. miss sitting on your shoulders miss taking the piss out of the idea of starting a boy band together because you were way into kpop miss your stupid shithead jokes about why you couldnt be fucked to go to pride miss your fucked self hatred. miss stealing cigarettes. miss stealing gum. miss feeling like a real rough n tumble kid with a bunch of bad friends. miss feeling armoured. miss my faith that we could be kings together. miss you best friend i was in love with. hope you're out of that shitty one bedroom apartment that smells like old oil all the time hope you're eating more than week old fried chicken nowadays so sorry we aren't close anymore. miss you house party prince wish i'd done more to help you when they told me your nose was bleeding all the time because of all the coke you did miss you so much wish i'd held you. wish i'd agreed to run pills with you if it kept you in my life a little longer. miss you best friend hope you found someone to wash your hair with warm water hope you're sober hope you can choke down a meal without being high for it wish you'd told me about it wish i could have helped. miss you best boy baby brother. miss being miserable with you miss holding you miss lending you my overpriced hypebeast jackets miss buying you overpriced icecreams miss blowing my budget on you baby boy anything to make you eat. hope you're eating now. hope you're sleeping soundly hope the shaking stopped. so sorry i couldn't stop what he did to you so sorry he was my friend too so sorry i didn't find out in time so sorry so sorry. miss the certainty i could be a martyr for you. miss feeling like i could suffer forever so long as my friends were happy miss my friends miss suffering for them. miss you worst friend ever miss your brutal smile miss feeling you dissect me every time you looked at me miss thinking up new ways to try and kiss you in a way that you'd like.

#miss missing you.#hope you're happy. hope you're still talking shit. hope you never change.#i miss every friend ive ever made #dellete #miss you eating for me even though you could barely keep a smoothie down #miss knowing you'd do that for me #miss living for you. miss feeling a part of you. miss holding you #miss that fucked concrete mound at the top of the park near where the construction guys #used to dump all their gravel #miss even the everpresent fucking construction miss the spectacle always being engineered #miss that one time me and the neighbours kids looped around there and i fucked my knee up #and not even a week later i fell in the exact same spot and opened the exact same wound and ripped my knees and my calves to red shreds #just my fucking luck aye #miss being unlucky

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darkdragon768 · 8 months

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Pokémon and its in-game possibilities are so funny.

Ok, listen. So I've checked out these soft lock picking videos I've read about in a different thread and in one video they talk about some absurd chances of stuff happening in-game.

For example, in the earlier games (gen 2 - 5) there was a shiny chance of 1:8192. Sounds quite a lot to you? Oh you fool.

The soft lock the video was talking about was about some awful coding in r/b/y. [TL;DR at the end]

You had to take a fighting or poison type pokemon with you that could only use the move rage (he used a primeape with rage being the only attack with full pp left. The games hadn't had move deleters back then so he had to put the other moves down to 0 pp). This will also be the only pokemon you'll have with you.

Now you enter the first room of the elite four and save. This makes you unable to escape.

Lorelei, the first elite four member, sends in a dewgong and thanks to the coding preferring type super effective moves it'll use rest (a psychic move, which would be very effective against fighting and poison types), a move that makes the pokemon fall asleep and regain health, infinitely. Infinitely because the opponents pokemon don't use up pp.

Alright, now to the move rage. In gen 1 rage was used infinitely too. It'll continue attacking until the attacking pokemon faints or the battle ends. And it's not using any pp too, unless it misses first turn.

Maybe you can already tell what'll happen. Rage will go on forever as it'll never deal enough damage to knock dewgong out as it'll always heal itself forever.

TL;DR: A primeape that'll use rage infinitely against a dewgong that'll use rest infinitely.

A never ending circle, right? Well, there IS a way to break it. It's just very very low. You can escape the elite four room by fainting. But for this to happen rage has to miss 20 times in a row. And that possiblity is immensely low:

Look at all those zeros! It is more likely to get 12 shinies in a row!

Now you may think "Wow, I don't think this can get any worse!" Oh boy you're so wrong.

There's a thing that's even MORE unlikely to happen! A very specific Spinda!

Spindas are panda like pokemon that each have two different located spots. It is immensely unlikely to find two look-alikes: with a possibility of only 1:4,294,967,296. Now we can make this number go even higher by including shiny, same nature, hidden ability, perfect IVs and horde encounter chances.

This kind redditor did the math for us:

Including this reddit post as it'd be too complicated for me to rephrase it here.

This chance is even worse. Just look at it.

Anyway, I think this is pretty funny. You think you've got a lot of luck? Well, try this out then!

#dragon's stupid thoughts #pokémon #pokemon #i love this kinda stuff so much #just this absurdity #i wonder if it's ever possible to record this possibility being done #even with computers/ai or TAS it'd take so long (if you're unlucky)

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undreaming-fanfiction · 3 months

Text

I love a good florist Steve, but what I love even more is a good but naturally bitchy florist Steve.

He'd have his own flower shop and years of dating experience behind his belt. He is not just a good boyfriend, he is THE good boyfriend. Going to his shop isn't just to buy a bouquet of flowers, oh no. It's a whole relationship coaching thing, he teaches husbands to do better, gives courage to teenagers asking their crushes out, gives advice regarding flower language to elderly ladies who just want to be slightly passive-aggressive...you know, the normal thing.

He has a catalogue with flower pictures to help people who have no idea what the flowers are called, they just know they were orange and didn't easily wilt.

He shows a local teenager the cheaper but still fancy options and throws in a bunch of free flowers that aren't really up to his standards. "Okay, you say she likes pink flowers. Does she like things to be a bit more decorated or does she prefer simplicity? You don't know? Okay, can you describe what she normally wears? No, I'm not being creepy, but you can sometimes tell the person's preferences from their clothes. Now answer or leave dateless."

He chats with the elderly ladies of Hawkins when they ask for a flower to gift to their fellow church ladies when they host their meetings. He cackles when he hears some of their orders. "Oh wow, Ethel, a yellow hyacinth? Would you like a gift card with that, something like sorry you're such a jealous hag? No? Of course I know the meaning, it's my job."

"Are you expeting her to say yes to the date with that atrocity on your face? Yes, I know it's a moustache. But it's also an atrocity. Shave it and thank me later. Now, would you like a ribbon for that bouquet?"

And most of all, he grills the unlucky conservative men in Hawkins who come to him for flowers for their wives without any idea what they like. "I see, so you want something pretty. What does your wife like? Flowers? Well, that's not specific. What kind of dresses does she wear? Expensive? Can you tell me anything about your wife's personality? ...nagging. No, I can't just mix something together, unlike you, I take pride in gift giving. Okay. I don't think this is a shop for you. Yes, that's what I'm saying, I won't play a part in your wife's disappointment. Oh sure, go take your money elsewhere, but I can give you this advice for free - you married a unique human being, so treat her like one. And if you really want a happy marriage - maybe come back when you learn something about her as a person. No need for that language, have a good day, sir."

For those that are more receptive, he goes through their partners' personalities and hobbies, suggesting date options and absolutely roasting the bad ones. "A football match. When your girlfriend hates sports. I don't care if it's your boys playing, you can try telling her that this is important to you and you'll take her out another time, but if you try to pass this as a date, you'll be single before you say "sorry". A date is for you as a pair, not for you only."

But the best thing his shop brings him is Eddie Munson, who sneaks in, absolutely ready to be roasted, and asks for a bouquet of bright colorful flowers for his best friend Chrissy. "She just got divorced from her asshole husband and I want to show her that she can have nice things. Platonically. But she deserves so much more. Uh...she really loves warm colors, so maybe yellows and oranges? What are they called...gerberas! She likes gerberas! And she likes things to be a bit messy and imperfect, so maybe some leaves there as well? A green ribbon would be nice."

And Steve just beams at him as he gets to work and says "Oh wow. Whoever your partner is, they are so lucky if you remember all of these things even for your friends. Makes a guy jealous."

Eddie just wiggles his eyebrows at Steve and mutters, "that position's sadly open. Has been for a while. Interested?" and he almost faints against the counter when Steve turns around.

Eddie is ready to run.

But Steve just fluffs his hair, reapplies his lipgloss and asks: "Where do I apply?"

#steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steddie #steddie drabble #steddie au #florist steve harrington

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often-daydreaming · 11 days

Text

I guess here's another prompt.

Thanks to an overprotective Fright Knight shadowing him all the time Danny has a reputation similar to Alastor (The Radio Demon). Now Danny isn't aware of any of it since the only reason he's even visiting Gotham is to check in on Jazz and maybe drop off some of their dad's fudge but it's still Gotham and Fright Knight is working overtime after realizing there were way too many threats to the young prince/king gathered in a single city but back to the Radio Demon part of the prompt.

Danny gets clocked as something odd from the very beginning but nobody really cares. He's just another meta, a nobody that was easily dismissed until some of the local criminals operating around Jazz's apartment vanished. That one mugger who thought about going after Danny is just gone. The pickpocket who thought he was an easy target is nowhere to be found and it just kind of snowballs from there with little things adding up over time until finally rumors start flying around about a supervillain going missing. I'm using Scarecrow as an example but it could be anybody really with one or two rumors joking about the new meta being behind all of the disappearances since a street kid swears they saw Danny getting gassed during one of Scarecrow's attacks. Then Bane goes missing too and there're even more rumors about Danny being involved somehow and it only gets worse when he's seen talking with Mr. Freeze just hours before the man and his wife disappear. The street kids start thinking he's something supernatural. The thugs and goons swear Danny's some sort of demon. The working girls share stories about how a simple deal with him could change your life. The supervillains are slowly growing terrified because if you're unlucky enough to hear it then sometimes late at night when he's out for a walk an old TV or a nearby car radio will suddenly broadcast the sounds of someone screaming.

Danny isn't aware of any of it though because he's listening to music during his walks and other than helping a few people here and there he hasn't really had to go ghost for anything whenever he's visiting Jazz. Fright Knight is the one going around tagging any sort of potential threat with Soul Shredder and even he's baffled about some random radio being able to tap into his pocket dimension for a few seconds every other night.

#dp x dc #dc x dp #dp x dc prompt

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2hightocare · 19 days

Text

DOWN BAD! 02

Synopsis: Despite undeniable chemistry, your guys’ relationship remains undefined, caught between playful teasing to deeper, unspoken longing.

Pairings: bad boy! jungkook x fem! reader

Genre: friends to lovers. college au. slowburn!

Warnings: angst, drug use, profanity, explicit content, talks about abusive home, fighting, arguing, screaming, crying, flashbacks, oc and jk are nineteen (freshmen’s in uni) mentions of death, daddy/mommy issues.

a/n: GOSHHHHHHH! pray for my girl yn😓😓 she’s down bad and she fr ain’t getting up. Left you guys on a cliffhanger hehe. enjoy🤍🤍

01! playlist

"What do you want?" He says, the smallest glint of amusement on his face has Jungkook's stomach recoiling.

"The regular," Jungkook found himself saying, reaching into his pocket, pulling out his wallet. "I don't have opioids. My supplier said there was a shortage—want to try some new shit?" Yoongi says as he balances his cigarette on his lips, looking into a cabin.

"You've tried snow before, right?" He looks up at Jungkook who stands there. "No, I told you l don't fuck with that shit," Jungkook shakes his head, putting his wallet back into the pocket of his jeans.

"It's on me, just try it," Yoongi hands Jungkook a small bag filled with white powder. "Just snort it and let it do its thing, boy," Yoongi chuckles as he watches Jungkook look down at the drug in his palm. "It won't kill you if that's what you're thinking," he continues, taking a drag from his cigarette before exhaling.

Jungkook's mind immediately goes to you as the words leave Yoongi's mouth.

“You’re going to kill yourself,” you scream, your hands pulling on your hair as Jungkook watches silently—his heart breaking as he sees the tear fall from your eye. Whatever he wants to say stays stuck in his throat.

“I’ll be fine,” Jungkook finds himself muttering, a loud scoff heard from you as you hold his face in your hands, making him look up at you. “Tell me what’s wrong, fuck! I’ll fix it, just tell me,” you cry out. Jungkook watches as your legs give out and you drop to the floor in front of him.

Jungkook feels his stomach drop, his heartbeat stops, and his mind goes blank. He wants to drop to his knees and beg you to not care and run away as far as you can from him, but the selfish part of him wants you to stay.

“Baby,” Jungkook slurs, the drugs in his system not letting him speak normally. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he apologizes again for the hundredth time in the past few days. Jungkook drops beside you, removing your hands from your face as another sob racks through your body. Your eyes red and puffy as tears continue to cascade down.

Jungkook knows nothing about love, but there’s you. The highlight of his days, the only reason he even wants to wake up in the morning.

He hates how he drags you along with him—in every bad decision he makes. Jungkook’s life hasn’t been easy; an abusive household isn’t something anybody wants, but he’s one of the unlucky ones who got it. He knows he’s a legal adult and can move out, but his feet stay glued inside that house because of her, his mom.

God. Jungkook has seen everything fucked up in the piece of shit he calls his house. The blows his mom would take from the man whose blood Jungkook carries. He wasn’t a father to him, that’s for sure. Screams and fighting are the only things his house is filled with. He never heard a bedtime story or got a good night hug. The hug was replaced by a hit on the cheek, jaw, face—or anywhere his dad could get his hands on.

Jungkook blames his dad for the way he is, and every time he looks at you, he imagines the what ifs. Jungkook has done everything he could do to push you away, but instead of leaving, you stayed. It’s scared the shit out of him.

He’s in love with you. Jungkook has never felt anything more in his life than his love for you—it’s almost pathetic how much you make him feel. If your love were a drug, Jungkook would do it every day, every hour, and every minute instead of all the shit he put in his system to forget.

Your love is pure and innocent—everything that Jungkook isn’t. Every time he looks at you, he’s afraid he will break you. He wishes you could realize how unfixable he is and leave—but instead, you’re on your knees begging for him to be better.

How badly did he want to be better; so he could be with you.

“Stop saying sorry and stop doing it, fuck,” you sob, your fist holding onto his hoodie—your knuckles turning white from fear that if you let him go, he’ll vanish.

“You’re better than this. I know you are,” you cry, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, wetting his hoodie with your tears. “Please stop, you could die.” you beg desperately, like a child would.

“Shh,” he comforts, his hand rubbing your back as you sob into him, “I’m sorry.”

As Jungkook walked, the guilt inside him consumed him more and more. The hurt expression on your face after he disrespected you remained etched in his mind, feeling like someone was poking his heart with a needle with each step he took.

Similarly, the weight of the small bag in the pocket of his sweater sent a sense of panic through his body. He hadn’t planned on taking it, but the moment it was placed in his hand, he couldn’t bring himself to give it back. Instead, he bit his tongue and shoved it into his pocket.

His heart sank as an image flashed in his mind of what your reaction would be if you ever found out. With a shake of his head, he buried the thought deep within him before reaching the main door of his house.

Jungkook’s hand trembles as he holds onto the doorknob. He had nowhere else to go, it was either yours or this. He felt his throat close up as his mind went back to you, his heart screaming for you. To turn around and run back to you—like always, his safe space. The only place where he could let his guard down.

The aching sensation in his chest reminded him of the first time he told you about his dad. You were both seventeen—laying on the carpet of your room, staring up at the ceiling. The broken expression on your face after he confided in you made him feel worse than any hit he had ever taken.

“Did you seriously get into another fight?” you groaned as you examined his face, the purple and blue marks beginning to form twisting your stomach in knots. “Who was it this time?” you frowned, your hand reaching out to touch his bruised cheek.

“Didn’t fight anyone. I actually hit myself with the car door,” the lie flowed smoothly out of his mouth.

“A door?” You raised an eyebrow, not fully believing him. Jungkook had a tendency to throw the first punch after someone lightly touched him—he had more suspensions and run ins with the police than anyone could count. Every time you saw him, there was another bruise decorating his skin, always brushed off like it was no big deal.

“Who was it?” You tried again, your face turning to him.

Jungkook's eyes remained locked with the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling. “I can’t tell you,” he mumbled softly into the darkness.

“Why not? Is it a secret?” You quipped, scooting closer to his side—your finger tracing his features as he let out a deep breath. “It’s a really big secret,” he hushed, to which you only nodded eagerly.

“I can keep a secret,” you smiled, your heart beating fast in your chest as you noticed the proximity between you two. You raised a pinky into the air. “Pinky promise,” you bit your lip anxiously, watching him interlock his pinky with yours. “Okay, now tell me.”

“My dad,” he said, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“What?” You stuttered out, hoping you had heard him wrong.

“My dad, he's abusive,” he restated. The color drained from your face, and Jungkook saw it.

Sadness written all over your face. Words didn’t come out when you opened your mouth; instead, an ugly cry replaced the words.

“That’s why I can’t stand someone’s hands on me,” Jungkook says, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to escape the pain in his heart. It felt as if he was being kicked and thrown.

“Fuck.. I always touch you,” you bit your lip, trying to contain your sobs. “Your touch is the only touch that doesn’t repulse me, baby. So if you plan on not touching me, don’t,” Jungkook quickly interjected, grabbing your hand and intertwining it with his.

Jungkook loved your touch; your fingers on his skin felt like heaven. It almost confused him how much he looked forward to it—sometimes he found himself initiating it. You were the only exception with such privilege; anyone else who laid a finger on him sent a sense of nausea and shivers down his body.

“I didn’t know. I’m so fucking sorry, baby. Let me help you.. we can tell the police, he deserves to be in jail. Please,” you sobbed, placing your palm on his cheek.

“You think I don’t know he needs to go to jail? For all I know, he should be put on a electric chair,” Jungkook spat out, shoving your hand away from his face.

“And fuck. Yes, my mom knows. She fucking gets hit too,” he rambled, his chest heaving as he tried to look anywhere in your room that wasn’t you, and for the first time, you saw him break down.

As Jungkook crumbled down with a loud sob, his hands cover his face as his shoulders shake as he weeps, you wasted no time dropping to your knees and pulling him into you, whispering reassuring words in his ear.

"She doesn't leave," he cried. "I keep telling her he's going to kill her if she doesn't leave, but she stays." The cracks in his voice mirrored the cracks in your heart as you listened, feeling the weight of his pain, as the double meaning clicks in your head.

"And I can't leave. Who's going to protect her if I'm not there?" he sobbed quietly, his hands tightening around your waist. "I'm scared that if I leave for too long, I'll come back to a house with a dead body in it," he confessed, sending shivers down your spine.

"Baby," you cooed, tears streaming down your cheeks,

"we should tell the police. They'll help you. I promise."

But his response shattered your hopes.

"No," he croaked out, untangling himself from your embrace.

"Listen to me. If you even think about telling a policeman what I just told you, I swear to god yn, I will never fucking forgive you," Jungkook shook, his face contorted with pain and panic.

"I trust you enough to tell you, but I swear if you say anything about this to anyone, we're done. Whatever the fuck we have, it's done. I will never fucking forgive you."

Jungkook pushes the door open, and he’s met with silence. Without thinking twice, he rushes to his mom's room, slamming the door open to be met with her limp body on the bed.

His heart stops beating, and suddenly everything stops—his hand trembles as he makes his way to her. He nudges her once.

“Mom,” Jungkook calls, only to be met with silence.

“Mom,” he tries again. She stirs in her sleep.

“Jungkook?” She croaks, her voice hoarse as she peeks from her lying position. Jungkook's heart picks up again, letting out a sigh of relief.

“Mom, are you okay? What happened?” Jungkook asks, dropping beside her on the bed. His fingers move her dark hair off her face carefully, revealing a bruise on her cheek.

“He hit you again?” Jungkook lets out a growl, his fist tightening beside him.

“I made him mad. It’s not his fault,” she defends, almost automatically making Jungkook scoff. “Mom, that's not an excuse!” He grits his teeth.

“He isn’t a bad man, Jungkook. He's still your father,” she sighs, the look of tiredness clear on her face as she winces when she moves to her side. Jungkook watches dumbfounded.

“You know, you remind me of him,” she shakes out a laugh, the whole sentence feeling like a punch in the stomach for Jungkook. The more he tries to breathe, the more difficult it becomes. “He was just like you, you know? Every time I look at you—it’s like I’m seeing him. He is a good man underneath it all, Jungkook. You have to understand that I could never leave him. I’m in love with him,” she continues, and every word feels like a hit in the gut.

“W-what do you mean.. I’m just like him?” Jungkook stutters, his throat drying up and the familiar feeling of tears picking up in his eyes have him clawing his nails into his palms.

“Do you think when I met your dad, he treated me wrong?” She finally locks eyes with Jungkook. The light in her eyes she once had is now gone, replaced with dull, tired eyes. “He was gentle with me, he was sweet, caring, he was everything to me. He’s still everything to me,” a tear rolls down her cheek, making Jungkook suck in a breath.

“What about me?” Jungkook's voice cracks, the knot in his throat tightening as he watches his mom shake her head.

“Am I not everything to you, Mom?” Another tear falls, followed by more.

“It’s more complicated than you think, Jungkook,” she sighs. Jungkook feels his heart crack into a million pieces as he watches the woman who brought him into this life discard him.

“He’s going to kill you one day,” Jungkook speaks, wiping the tears from his eyes before clearing his voice. “He’s going to kill you, and you’re going to let it happen.”

“He wouldn’t do that to me,” she whispers into the silence.

“He wouldn’t?” A shocked laugh leaves Jungkook's lips as he can’t believe what he just heard. “He fucking wouldn’t? He fucking hits you? Aren’t you fucking scared that one day he throws the wrong punch?” Jungkook shouts, anger taking over.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” she snaps. “I’m your mother, and you don’t get to fucking talk to me like that.”

“Well, you’re a shitty mother. A good mother would put their child first. The only reason I’m still here is because of you!” Jungkook snaps back, his frustration growing stronger as he watches his mom stay motionless.

“I keep coming back because I’m scared he’ll kill you. But apparently, you don’t give a fuck,” he breathes out, his hand tugging on his hair—feeling almost manic at the lack of his mother's reaction.

“Every hit he took on me, you blamed it on me. When all I did was try to protect you. But you always choose him. So fucking next time he comes in through those doors and has his way with you, don’t come running or yelling my name to come and save you,” Jungkook spits out before walking out of the room and shutting the door behind him with a loud bang.

Jungkook's mind kept racing, never shutting up for a moment, allowing him to think. His brain was filled with repetitions of everything his mom just said. The words "he was just like you, you know? Every time I look at you-it's like I'm seeing him" kept getting repeated in his head over and over again without a break.

Screams of his mom asking for him to save her echoed in his brain, the weight of his guilt and the haunting memories that plagued his mind had Jungkook pulling out the small baggie from his sweater, moving to the small desk in his room.

Jungkook dropped the white powder on the surface, making a line. Without hesitation, Jungkook leaned over, pinching one of his nostrils before snorting.

A sharp burning, stinging sensation spread through Jungkook's nose as he sniffed, rubbing off the remaining powder.

Jungkook dropped onto his bed in a star position as he stared at the ceiling, the feeling of numbness taking over his body. His muscles relaxed as the drug entered his bloodstream, sending a sense of euphoria—a warm feeling spread throughout his body, making him groan in pleasure.

And for once, the voices finally stopped.

It was embarrassing how you found yourself looking for the man you were in love with every corner of the campus. You started with the lockers and hallways, peeking through every classroom, hoping you’d catch a glimpse of the boy who left you standing in your angel costume Saturday night.

You had debated on running after him; the guilt that weighed you down from the slap was intense. Your touch was supposed to be his only gateway, instead, you used it against him to hurt him the same way his dad does. As messed up as his words were, it didn’t compare.

“Have you seen Jungkook?” You ask, poking Dahlia on the shoulder. She turns to look at you, mouth filled with food as she nods without saying anything.

“You have?” Your eyebrow raises as she continues to nod eagerly.

“Y-yeah, he’s ou-outside, in the corner,” Dahlia finally says, swallowing her food. You throw a small ‘thank you’ and rush outside.

As you run to the corner where everybody meets up to smoke, you curse out loud as you trip on the crack of the pavement before changing your pace to walking instead.

Your eyes meet his in an instant as you pass the corner, the lit-up joint hanging from his lips. You look around to see Taehyung and Jimin with worried looks on their faces. As you walk closer to them, Jungkook passes the joint to his friend before crossing his arms in front of him, flexing his muscles. If you weren’t so mad at him, you would find it hot.

“What’s up, pretty,” Taehyung says, trying to break the awkward silence as he takes a hit off the joint before passing it to Jimin, who looks uncomfortable as hell.

“Hey,” you acknowledge them both, giving polite head nods before turning your attention to the boy in the middle, his eyes bloodshot red with a small grin decorating his handsome face.

“What’s so funny?” You snap, crossing your arms in front of you. A loud laugh slips out of his mouth, shocking the boys beside him. “Hi baby,” he says, his eyes dropping low as he moves closer to you. You push him away with a hand on his chest, making him pout.

“Rude,” he playfully scoffs, leaning back onto the wall and reaching for the blunt on Taehyung’s fingers as he raises an eyebrow at you.

“That’s enough,” you say, taking away the joint from Taehyung’s hand as Jungkook was about to reach for it.

“This is our cue to leave. Let’s go,” Taehyung hurries off, pulling on his blonde friends arm, before they both mutter something under their breaths as they disappear around the corner.

“Don’t throw that, it’s some good shit, and I just bought it,” Jungkook chuckles, reaching for it only for you to push him away.

“Alright then,” you pull the rolled-up paper up to your lips and take a drag. Jungkook's face drops, and suddenly nothing is funny. His hand immediately shoots up and yanks the joint out of your mouth before throwing it on the ground and stomping on it.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jungkook roars, watching you cough loudly as white smoke rushes out of your mouth.

“Fuck, what were you thinking?” He panics, rubbing a hand over your back to coax your coughing fit. Your throat and chest burn as you continue to cough.

“Don’t ever do that shit again, do you hear me? It’s not good for you,” Jungkook sighs, his rough hand drawing circles down your back as you finally calm down.

“So, you agree it’s not good for you?” You say, your voice hoarse from all the coughing. “Let’s not do this right now, yn,” he pulls on your arm as he walks you to the parking lot. “You never want to do anything,” you yank your arm from his grip. Jungkook takes a deep breath, trying his best not to snap at you.

“Just get in the car, baby,” he continues, opening the passenger door for you. Instead, you push him off and slam the door shut.

“You’re high as fuck; you can’t drive, asshole,” you snap, throwing your arms in the air in anger. “And you’re not?” he clenches his teeth. “I took one hit,” you shove a finger in his face.

“Yeah, a big-ass one. Before you know it, you’ll be high, so get in the fucking car or I’ll put you in it myself,” he snaps. “You wouldn’t dare,” you spit out, and before you know it, your ass is in the air as he hauls you over his shoulder.

“I wouldn’t?” Jungkook mutters under his breath as he opens the car door and sits you down on the seat, reaching for the seatbelt and strapping you in. “Where are you taking me?” You roll your eyes as he sits down beside you.

“To your fucking house,” he says, pulling out of the parking lot of the school and driving you home.

The whole car ride is filled with silence; neither of you decides to utter a word. The moment the car stops in front of your house, you hurriedly unbuckle your seatbelt and open your door before sprinting to your door, unlocking it, and disappearing inside. Jungkook almost screams into his hands, wanting to throw a whole tantrum in this car, but he decides otherwise.

With a loud sigh, he turns off the car, turns to the back seat, gets his sweater, and jumps out of the car. He takes the same route he always did when he showed up at your house, climbing himself over the picket fence before climbing the tree next to your window.

The window is opened as you sit on the ground of your room, your knees up to your chest. Jungkook throws his sweater in first before jumping in.

Then his heart dropped, your small hands hold the tiny bag that was in the pocket of his sweater that had fallen out.

“What’s this, Jungkook?” You voice out, and Jungkook doesn’t miss the wavering of your voice as you finally look up at him. His heart might just have been stabbed by your shocked expression, the betrayal and the pain etched in your expressions send a shooting pain in his heart.

“Baby-“

“Don’t fucking baby me! What the fuck is this?” You interrupt him, your hand shaking as you think of every possible drug that could be in the bag. Jungkook didn’t reply; the words suddenly died in his mouth.

“Is this a way of pushing me away?” You ask, tears starting to flow down your cheeks, mixing with your anger and heartbreak.

“Did something happen at home again? Why? Fuck, why?” You cry, a soul-crushing sob that comes out of you, which has Jungkook coming back to his senses. He feels like shit, and that word doesn’t even cover half of what he’s feeling.

“Please tell me why? I’ll do anything. Let me help you, just fucking stop doing this shit, baby.” You cry, pulling his body to yours, wrapping your arms around his waist, crying into his uniform.

“Use me, scream at me, tell me horrible shit if that helps. Just don’t ever touch any drugs, Jungkook. I don’t know what I would do if you died.” You whisper the last words as you sob into his arms, begging for him to stop. “I’m never leaving your side, so get that into your head. If this is your way of pushing me away, it won’t work.” You sob.

And that’s where everything clicks for Jungkook. His mind thinks back to his mom, “You have to understand that I could never leave him. I’m in love with him,” and his heart drops to the ground. All the walls he took so long to build collapse. He was just like his dad—Jungkook wanted to say he wasn’t, but here he was, hurting you, making you sob into his arms, begging for him to change. The same thing his mom does anytime his father would get drunk.

“I’m not good for you,” Jungkook finally speaks, his hands cupping your face. “I’m not good for you.” He repeats, and you shake your head disapprovingly repeatedly. “Stop.” You cry, your tears wetting Jungkook's palms as he repeats the same thing over again.

“You deserve someone so much fucking better, baby,” Jungkook whispers, dropping his forehead to yours. “You deserve so much better than me. I can’t give you anything, baby, besides heartache and pain.” He continues as you repeat ‘no’ over and over again under your breath.

“Please don’t leave me,” you cry, as he untangles himself from you, pushing your hand away gently when you try to reach for him.

“Fuck, Jungkook, don’t leave. Stay the night; we’ll talk about this in the morning.” That was the last thing Jungkook heard as he jumped out of the window and ran to his car, leaving his heart in the hands of the girl crying on the floor, praying for him to be safe.

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buckyalpine · 7 months

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A one shot where Bucky doesn’t like the reader and makes her life at the compound a little rough? Like enemies (maybe to lover or friends?) and she is like the sunshine personality 🥺🥺🥺

I live for this shit This type of angst where he's mean and finds her annoying even though she's a sweetheart, ugh, yes. YES.

Bucky groaned, trying to ignore the shooting pain that seared in his abdomen, clutching an old t-shirt to stop the bleeding from the stab wound he'd received during his latest mission.

"You good there, terminator?" Sam cocked an eyebrow watching Bucky unconvincingly nod, grunting a half assed yes before squeezing his eyes shut and flopping back on the seat.

"You're gonna need stiches" Steve snorted, shaking his head at his stubborn friend.

"I'm fine" Bucky gritted out, preferring to bleed out on the jet instead of going to the med bay where he'd be surrounded by doctors and needles and if he was really unlucky, you.

"Seriously? That's the second shirt you've bled through, I don't think the serum's gonna cut it, punk" Steve sighed, knowing how Bucky felt about getting medical care but it wasn't like he had a choice. As soon as the jet landed, Bucky was shoved in the direction of the medical wing, pouting and grumpy as he limped with Steve supporting him. Bucky frowned when Steve pushed him to lay down on the examination table, grumbling and wincing under his breath.

"You stay here. I'm gonna finish writing up our reports, don't go sneaking off" Steve chuckled, giving his friend's shoulder a squeeze before leaving. The soldier stared up at the florescent lights, his eyes anxiously darting about the room, hoping and praying that at the very least he wouldn't have to deal with-

"Good afternoon Bucky!"

For fucks sake.

Bucky groaned at the chirpy voice that piped up from the door, his brows knotted together from frustration.

He hated it. You'd ask about his day as if he wasn't there go get sewn up. You'd talk to him like you'd known him for years, almost oblivious to the fact that he was a former brain washed assassin. Every time he saw you, you were so giggly and pretty and bouncy and cute and happy and it irked his soul because it was to the point it was unnecessary. I mean you were just so kind and sweet to everyone as if everyone deserved such amazingness from such a wonderful person, okay that's enough Bucky.

The world wasn't fucking sunshine and rainbows and he had no idea why you acted like it was.

"Steve said you needed a few stitches so-

"Where's Dr. Cho" Bucky cut you off, hoping anyone else would help him so he could get on with his day, willing to take the needle and thread himself instead of having you do it while talking his ear off.

"Oh, she's with another patient right now but it's fine, I promise I'll get you out of here soon, do you mind if I remove your vest-

"Yeah, I got it" Bucky huffed, wincing to get his gear off but you stopped him, urging him to stay down.

"No, it's okay, I just wanted to make sure you're okay with it, I'll cut it off, don't worry"

Bucky nodded, lying back down while you grabbed a tray with medical supplied, carefully cutting around the blood soaked material and discarding it. You cleaned the area, mumbling apologies incase the alcohol caused any pain, moving on to closing the cut.

"I heard about the mission you all went on. I can't even imagine going through all that, it sounded terrifying. You're very brave Sargent" You smiled, tossing your gloves aside after patching Bucky up. Bucky grunted as he hopped off the table without a word, ready to whack Steve on the head for telling you of all people he needed help.

"If you need anything else, let me know! Just get some rest for a few days, it'll heal soon-

"I know" Bucky walked out of the room without looking back, his shoulders relaxing when he was far away from he med wing. There was truly no reason for him to be this annoyed but he was tired, in pain and he knew for a fact there would be a pile of papers for him to fill out in the conference room.

You didn't take Bucky's grumpy attitude to heart, understanding the stress that came with going on missions, getting injured every time coupled with the fact that he was probably still healing from his own past. You put away the supplies before taking a coffee break, running into a very excited Tony along the way.

"Hey cupcake, just who I was looking for, do you like chocolate or vanilla"

"Tony, I told you, you don't have to-

"That doesn't answer the question. Pick one or the other or both or another flavor, all the flavours, but give me something"

You giggled at the way he looked at you expectantly, sighing seeing as he wouldn't let up until you answered.

"I'm not picky, you know I'd love anything. Get something everyone would like, seriously, I don't even need all this, I'm just the nurse-

"Stop that right now, there's no one else like you" Tony huffed, planting a quick kiss your head before texting his caterers about everything he wanted, ensuring everything was perfect, especially when it came to you.

You woke up to the sun streaming through the curtains, stretching before getting out of bed and padding over to the bathroom to go through your morning routine. You had the day off, throwing on your joggers instead of your typical scrubs and making your way down to the kitchen, grabbing ingredients for baking.

You hummed, scooping out spoons of cookie batter, plopping it onto the tray and throwing it into the oven, cleaning up the area in between, waiting for the oven timer to go off. You set the chocolate chip cookies onto a tray, piping the last bit of icing onto the top and sweeping away the smidges of frosting that got onto the counter.

Bucky blinked at the smell of baking, making his way to the kitchen for some water after a run. He groaned, nearly walking right back out when he saw you singing to yourself, arranging cookies in a circle, each one decorated for a different person in the tower.

"Good morning Bucky" You smiled while he mumbled, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, "I-I made made cookies for everyone, did you want one?" You asked hopefully, looking at the little dog tags you'd piped on the cookie you made for him while he shrugged in response.

"Why do you keep trying so hard, do you not have any friends?" Bucky scoffed, ignoring the fresh plate of cookies that sat on the counter, not caring that your face had fallen. He wanted to strike a nerve, feeling a sick satisfaction at the way you silenced yourself, giving him the peace and quiet he wanted.

"S-sorry, I just thought-

"You thought what?" Buck cocked an eyebrow, the tick in his jaw making your stomach churn.

"Nothing, sorry" You mumbled, turning back to continue cleaning while he chugged the rest of the bottle. "I've just leave them here if you want one later on-

"No, I don't want one now and I don't think I'll want one later either" Bucky glared at you, tired of you always trying to do things for others as if anyone asked.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't-" you bit your lip hard to keep from crying, not wanting to annoy Bucky more.

"Why do you always act like everything great? Like we don't come back from almost dying, risking our lives while you go about like the world is perfect"

"I just-I didn't mean-

"You didn't mean what, to be annoying? Did anyone even ask for this?" Bucky nodded to the cookies while you shook your head, feeling ridiculous and embarrassed, not realizing others also probably found you annoying.

"I-it was my birthday, I thought-" you sniffled, choking back a whimper, "I wanted to do something nice - never mind" You bit your lip to keep from breaking down, blinking back tears as you scurried off to your room, without looking back.

The initial satisfaction Bucky was short lived as he stood in the now empty kitchen, tossing the bottle aside. The plate caught his eye once more as he walked by, reluctantly stopping to look at each one, your skilled hands decorating each one with clean details. He instantly spotting the one you made for him which had been dusted with silver just like his tags; he had no idea how you managed to get his name and number piped to precisely.

Not that it mattered.

Bucky continued to make his way to the gym, feeling a little bad that he made you cry but he figured you'd get over soon enough, after all that seemed to be your strong suit, you were always happy and smiling anyway.

"You're coming tonight, right?" Steve dropped the weights he was curling while Bucky frowned, unsure of what the captain was referring to.

"Why, what's tonight" Bucky grunted, still in the middle of his set.

"Seriously, Tony told us like a month ago"

"Yeah, fine" Bucky huffed, not really caring what it was about, knowing he'd be dragged to go regardless. He finished the rest of his workout, retreating back to his room to shower. He flopped onto his bed after, grabbing a book from his bedside table seeing as there was still plenty of time till he had to get ready.

The book had been a Christmas present from you and as much as he hated to admit it, it was perfect and one of his favorites. He tried to focus on the words, feeling bad again thinking about how your face had fallen earlier when all you did was offer him a cookie.

Maybe he went a little overboard with his reaction...

Bucky shook the guilt he felt, hoping that you'd be running around somewhere getting ready for whatever tonight was.

"Where's y/n" Sam looked around the room seeing everyone else present but you, the night in full swing seeing as Tony had gone all out as usual "I swear she said she'd be here, this is literally her birthday party"

"I didn't see her" Nat frowned, putting down the drink she was sipping on, scanning the room again, "Now that I think about it, I haven't seen her all day"

Bucky felt a deep pang in his chest when he realized the party was for you, his stomach twisting in knots.

"Where's our birthday girl" Steve asked as he joined the others, the guilt making Bucky feel even more sick. He ran a hand over his face while the others continued to wonder where you were. "I hope she isn't working, she deserves a day off, she already worked over time for 3 months straight when we were running back to back missions"

Bucky remembered that.

They'd all been sent out on missions spread across different months and you'd been the one on call to patch them up the entire time. You hadn't complained once even through you were thoroughly sleep deprived. At the time Bucky was annoyed you were in such an upbeat mood when they were all scraping by but you had been struggling yourself.

"I fucked up" Bucky groaned, feeling awful for how he'd treated you in the morning and for how he'd been acting towards you in general.

"Why, what did you do" Steve's face twisted in confusion while Bucky's face reddened in embarrassment. Steve was aware Bucky complained about you but he figured it was because his bestfriend got flustered around the pretty nurse, he'd seen Bucky get tongue tied plenty of times whenever you walked by.

"You were a grumpy asshole to y/n, weren't you" Sam frowned seeing Bucky's guilty face. The soldier didn't say another word, leaving the group to find you instead, debating on getting Steve to clock him in the jaw first. Bucky ran to the elevator, pushing the button to your floor, hoping he'd see you making your way down, only to find the hallway empty. His heart broke hearing the soft sniffles coming from your room, the door closed. He gently knocked on the door, your cries quieting down as if you'd silenced yourself to pretend you were asleep instead of opening the door.

"Y/n?" Bucky called for you only to be met with more silence, "Can-can you please open the door?" His heart started to beat faster when he head your footsteps approaching the door, clicking the lock open; you were still in your joggers from earlier, your face puffy from crying.

All because of him.

"Sorry, I fell asleep" you lied, keeping your face trained on your feet, worried Bucky had come to yell at you about the party Tony had thrown for you, "and I'm sorry about the party, you didn't have to go if you didn't want to, I promise I didn't tell Tony you had to come, I know you don' like me-

"No, no baby no, stop" Bucky hushed you, his heart breaking when your voice cracked, rambling out apologies. His body moved on its own, wrapping his arms around you while you started to cry again, rocking you while holding you to his chest. "Please don't cry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you have nothing to apologize for doll, nothing at all"

Bucky held you tightly while your body shook, feeling sick with himself for how he'd been treating you. You'd never been anything short of sweet and he'd made a point of always letting you know he couldn't care less. He lifted you in his arms, walking over to your bed, sitting down with you in his lap, ready to fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness.

"I didn't mean to be so annoying" You shrugged, fidgeting with your fingers, the light that always made your eyes twinkle dimmed from Bucky's words.

"Y/n, please, no" Bucky whispered, pleading with you to stop. "Don't doll. It was never ever you, please let me apologize. I've been awful to you, you've done nothing wrong. You've always been an angel, sweets, it's me whose been an annoying asshole. I don't deserve your kindness but that's never stopped you from giving it to me when I least deserved it"

"You deserve kindness Bucky" you gave him a small smile, one that didn't meet your eyes and Bucky felt his eyes sting. Even when he was the one in the wrong, you were still comforting him with your sweetness.

"Y/n, I don't know anyone that deserves the sort of kindness you give. I don't know anyone that would deserve someone as wonderful as you. You're a light for everyone when its dark. I was a fuckin' idiot for everything I've ever said to you. That isn't an excuse for how I've been treating you doll, I know that. It's just- I've been awful to you and you've never done anything wrong. I'm truly sorry sweets"

"Its okay Bucky" You whispered, reaching up to wipe the tear that streaked down his face, your cheeks heating up when you realized you were still in his lap, "S-sorry, I didn't realize-

Bucky shook his head, holding you securely in his lap, not wanting to let you go.

"You have nothing to apologize for, pretty girl" Bucky shrugged, loosening his hold in case you wanted to get off but your doe eyes darted around instead, settling further in his lap. "You really are like sunshine"

"You're very charming, Sargent" you smiled bashfully while Bucky chuckled, his heart beating erratically in his chest when your hands came up to toy with the tags that hung around his neck.

"Would it-would it be if I kissed you?" He whispered shyly, blushing when you nodded, pressing his soft lips to yours. Bucky took his time kissing you, pouring every ounce of his feelings with soft touches, holding onto you like porcelain.

"Everyone's waiting for you sweets" Bucky gave you a gentle squeeze, tilting your chin up to meet his eyes, hoping that you'd still want to go to your own party. "Would you like to go downstairs?"

You slinked off Bucky's lap to get ready, the soldier watching you with heart eyes the entire time you did your hair and makeup. He knew he had a lot to make up for, starting with the fact that he'd never hurt you again. He was still upset with himself for ever hurting you in the first place but he was ready to protect your innocent heart for the rest of his life. His breath hitched in his throat when you finished applying the last of your gloss, blushing when you slipped your hand into his so he could lead you down.

"Theres our cupcake!" Tony grinned when he saw you approaching, the rest of the team cheering making you giggle. Steve smirked seeing Bucky follow closely behind you in protective mode, keeping his hand around your waist. He spent the entire time, doting on you, following you like a lost puppy.

By the end of the night, he had you in his lap again, shamelessly looking at you with heart eyes while the rest of the team watched curiously, his sole focus on you.

"Happy birthday sweet girl" Bucky whispered, pressing a kiss to your cheek while you nuzzled into him with a shy smile, "My little sunshine"

Now imagine Bucky doesn't quickly get over the fact that he was a dick. Sure you forgave him because you're an absolute sweetheart but Bucky can't even deal with the way he'd acted, especially when he had a crush on you the entire time and just refused to acknowledge it, acting like a cunt instead.

He's the most lovestuck boyfriend to ever exist. Your office is always full of fresh flowers. He's a clingy little puppy, outside of the medwing until your done, always finding excuses to sneak in and see you. You had to tell him a papercut wasn't a good enough reason for him to request your services.

Neither was a stubbed toe.

The time he nicked himself while shaving was the worst because he was pouty until you kissed him better.

He slips his dog tags around you, his possessive/jealous side occasionally sneaking out.

He doesn't even hide the fact that he's a simp for you, knowing he's the luckiest person on the planet to get the sweetest person in the world. He shows your off like no tomorrow, proud of the angel he gets to call his.

He absolutely loved his sunshine.

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