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mysoullanguage · 1 year

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#0016 this is how neptune actually affects your birth chart n.01

neptune: in any given context, whatever neptune touches, will distance. neptune is illusion, dreams, and the imagination; it is not a concrete body, symbolising the physical (eg. physical body, money, etc.) but the spiritual and what we cannot see. we are not yet evolved to see and experience neptune (the dream realm) in its full form, which is why neptune tends to wash our placements down…

wherever your neptune sits in your chart, will be the area that will often become misinterpreted or misunderstood, washed down or distanced. you will have trouble interpreting these placements. however, in instances where there is a positive aspect, it can bring out spiritual gifts or talents that come from intuitive knowing.

neptune/sun conjunction, square, opp.: struggle with identifying with yourself. struggle with understanding who you are. no concrete identity; you flow in and out of life. deep personality. to others, you are mysterious, alluring, and hard to touch. you often feel misunderstood and often feel a part of you is always missing. might change your appearance or identity a lot to fit in with your current interests. weak or absent father figure.

neptune/moon conjunction, square, opp.: struggle with understanding your emotions because they are so deep and hard to touch. weak or absent mother figure. very imaginative brain but very inconsistent and overly sentimental. can be overly emotional with little willingness to rationalize situations. very generous and giving but there is a horrible habit of being the martyr and sacrificing yourself to provide for others.

neptune/mercury conjunction, square, opp.: while you have a very alluring and interesting way of speaking, your shyness can be overwhelming. struggles with anxiety. difficulty rationalizing situations. tendency to lie, manipulate, and avoid confrontation. overly idealistic imagination with a habit of living in your head rater than in reality. to others, you often feel misunderstood.

neptune/mars conjunction, square, opp.: little to no sex drive, little to no energy in general. you feel disconnected from your energy source. you are overly passive and have little to no ambitions. you go with the flow but mostly refuse taking action unless you desperately need to. while you are gifted with adaptability, you are overly consumed by rest to the point of lethargy, laziness, and so on. difficulty connecting to men or you have a profound victim complex with difficulty taking accountability. lying, deceptive, gaslighting tendencies. too much thinking, not enough action. you have little to no boundaries. you are a pushover.

neptune/venus conjunction, square, opp.: strong misunderstanding between you and love. overly idealistic in love to the point of delusion. sex and love are a fantasy rather than a commitment and you have very high standards often unachievable or beyond human capability. there is a strange obsession with wanting to merge with your partner and achieving spiritual euphoria. you may lose a lot of relationships as you feel constantly misunderstood and as though the love you're experiencing doesn't give you the high it should. martyr and self-sacrificing habits/tendencies. to others, you are a pushover and a sponge for abuse, and people take advantage of you. you fear confrontation and can never be mean; this, in turn, allows others to take your kindness for granted. overly forgiving.

neptune/saturn conjunction, square, opp.: little to no boundaries between you and others. little to no discipline. you dream, but you need to think of how you are to achieve your dreams. you may flow in and out of different careers. for you, material success isn't important. however, your work ethic can be often criticized. unstable home life when young, or just an absent/weak father figure. you may display a false self to others. you often soften rules or boundaries and bend them to suit your liking. frustration can emerge when dreams come true underwhelmingly, meaning the picture you envision is often greater than what can come into reality.

neptune/jupiter conjunction, square, opp.: misunderstanding of religion, spirituality, personal values. push and pull between a god complex and a victim complex. a lot of struggles with faith in which you are either consumed in religion or feel you have no belonging to any. constant yearning for a spiritual connection. constant yearning to leave this earth, therefore becoming highly imaginative/dreamy. heavy escapist. little to no boundaries. strong desire for knowledge but overstimulation is common when you think of everything you want to learn. others are seen in a very compassionate light but you have a tendency of acting the saviour to others.

neptune/uranus conjunction, square, opp.: strong misunderstanding between your current identity/belonging in society and where you want to be. may have a fear of having your freedom taken away. compulsively - and constantly - beckoned to help others. while you are original and creative, you're unsure of how to use your artistic talent. difficulty in admitting faults/mistakes. on the one hand, you struggle with establishing authority. on the other, you seem to be chaotic and establish your authority in ways that are obnoxious, extreme, or dramatic.

neptune/pluto conjunction, square, opp.: profound need for transformation and change. your worldview is very unsure and tends to change with personal experiences. you may be paranoid of those around you with strong trust issues. you may be resistant to change. you hardly understand yourself and constantly want to change who you are. weak identity. weak courage, determination, and a heavy disconnect between you and your soul. you often avoid conflict or acknowledging your shadow side, despite having yearnings to change yourself.

#astro notes #astrology #astro observations

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bellshazes · 1 year

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been thinking a lot about people's varied reactions to the chaos & perceived inconsistencies around the rules of limited life and because i taught games professionally for a decade and have done a lot of reading on games academically, I have a few propositions for the fandom to consider.

proposition one: Your interpretation of gameplay events is not the same as a monolithic "the narrative" to which all players are equally subject.

Narrative is not what happened, but the interpretation and meaning attached to the events that occurred. Narrative is when we "give experience a form and a meaning." (Harris-Miller)

This construction of narrative - giving meaning to experiences - can occur in the way a video is cut an edited, as well as in the audience's interpretation after the video is released.

Social play is player interaction, both in the derived from the structure and rules of the game (being "It" in tag) as well as the social roles brought from outside the game. (1)

In transformative social play, players use the game context to transform social relationships.

Most players in the life game are more concerned with narrative as it relates to transformative social play - such as, what does this event mean for me, my alliances, my enemies, and the shifting of roles along that spectrum?

Narrative within the game is dynamic and always changing in response to ongoing events and shifting relationships. Viewers' narratives about the games are more static since they exist outside the game context and are not a part of ongoing social play.

Letting go of a single unified "narrative" lets us think about the differences, tensions, and resonances between players' in-game construction of narrative, the narrative constructed by the player's video edit, and the retrospective audience construction of narrative. (*)

proposition two: Fairness is decided by the players, not the rules.

Playing a game requires trust and safety with the other players. (DeKoven) Even in tic-tac-toe you have to trust that your opponent will take reasonable amounts of time per turn before you sit down to play.

We can distinguish between ideal rules (rules as writ, such as a physical rulebook) and the real rules (the general consensus on what playing the game should look like). (2)

Real rules can include how sportsmanlike behavior is defined, and when "breaking" a rule doesn't count; a common example is forgiving a player who genuinely made a mistake on accident and did not intend to "break" the rules.

The real rules are what actually matter in developed gameplay, and they can be negotiated and constructed inside the game as new events, situations, and dynamics occur. (3)

Brushing past Scar's "illegal" kill on greens is not him getting away with breaking the rules, it's the group coming to a consensus on the real rules of the game. Cleo asking Impulse if her kill on him can count and him finally agreeing is not the breaking of (ideal) rules so much as it is defining the real rules.

proposition: Players' own individual motivations and definitions of sportsmanship or interesting play inform their contribution to the general consensus on real rules and leading them to play "imperfectly" in favor of having more fun or staying true to something.

Purely optimal play is boring to the players and viewers, and taken to an extreme allowed by the ideal rules, would violate the real rules implicitly agreed to by the players.

"Optimal" gameplay in the life series could look like hiding in a hole underground for the entire game if the end goal is to survive the longest, but that would make a boring video and would likely be considered supremely unsportsmanlike by other players and their audiences.

Playing perfectly optimally is one motive to play a game, but is basically never the sole motivator if it's one at all.

Even if everyone in the life series has a goal to "keep playing the game as long as possible," that could mean being focused on winning, or being focused on making allies or not making enemies, or it could compel you to give up your life for someone else who's running out of time because to you to play the game is to play together. (4)

Scar is a perfect example of someone who consistently chooses "non-optimal" goals such as always having the enchanter and goes to great and stupid lengths to achieve it even if it means sacrificing winning.

This "non-optimal" play provides something for other players to play off of and react to, often leading to transformative social play, significantly meaningful narrative, or interesting negotiations of real rules. (5)

synthesis: The most interesting narratives are born out of situations where players negotiate the real rules, not ones where the (ideal) rules are broken.

The life series is inherently highly experimental - even as more seasons build on the experiences of prior ones, the constant addition of new mechanics mean the game is more or less always being playtested rather than simply played.

The "rule" against carrying Third Life into Last Life failed because it is basically impossible to eliminate the out-of-game contributions to social play, especially in a social deduction game where knowledge of other players' habits and behaviors is useful metagame (6) currency that can't be un-learned.

Some of the series' most iconic narrative moments - the end of 3L or DL, he loves me, etc. are born out of the tension between ideal and real rules, where players are forced to take a stand or advocate for something opposed to the "ideal" rules such as allying with reds, sticking with your soulmate, or that there can only be one winner. (7)

I'm offering the above as a way of showing that I think these imperfections and changes between seasons are actually the coolest thing about them and have the potential for transformative fan works in addition to transformative play.

if limited life's copious tnt minecarts via skynet and highly-manual, inconsisent giving and taking of time for kills which may or may not be deserved according to strict interpretations of the rules as stated aren't to your taste, that's just how it is sometimes! It's understandable to not enjoy ideal rules that are loosely defined or interpreted or are imperfectly implemented from a mechanics perspective, but understanding that the players of the actual game did agree and consent and get to negotiate the consequences and meaning of these imperfections is not some unfortunate side-effect but in fact an important part of any gameplay.

The various types of narratives and the various motives for playing mean there can't be a single unified narrative for all players - but thinking about these things in terms of tensions and synergies opens doors for talking about the many narratives and the relationships between them. you can hold multiple seemingly-conflicting narratives as a viewer and put them in dialogue and produce new meaningful narratives in their contradictions or overlap! go forth and embrace the chaos and tension between the chains of context that produce meaning and the freedom to look at that complex web and derive fuller meanings from it!

because this post isn't long enough, more citations and examples from the series below the cut:

Some footnotes:

(1) Social roles within the game are more artificial than the ones that exist outside of it. That doesn't make them less meaningful, but when we consider the consequences of breaking a social role defined by the game compared to a real-world breaking of a promise or law, it's hard to forget the artificiality of the game. The consequences are relatively minor; the morality of betrayal, for instance, during a game can be acceptable because of that artificiality where it would be reprehensible in real life.

(2) A few different ways to think about game rules that are not mutually exclusive but complementary to each other:

Three layers of game rules: the underlying constituative rules of a game, the operational rules that directly guide player action, and the implicit rules of proper game behavior, such as etiquette.

Piaget's developmental stages from the Moral Development of Children are useful background here: the first stage is loose play without rules, second is strict adherence to ideal rules, and the final adult-leaning stage is the understanding that the real rules are what matter. You could call putting ideal rules over the real ones juvenile.

"Ideal rules refer to the "official" regulations of a game, the rules written in a player's guide to Zelda or printed on the inside cover of a game of Candyland. Real rules, on the other hand, are the codes and conventions held by a play community. Real rules are a consensus of how the game ought to be played." (Rules of Play)

(3) "It is not that the basic rules of the game undergo a radical change; rather, they are experienced within a social context that decreases their value in favor of a socially-biased ruleset over which players have more control."

(4) I'm thinking of Bdubs in Limited Life session 7 here, since he gives time and stays alive, but if you take this concept a little further and more broadly you just get players like Skizz.

(5) Metagaming, defined broadly for my purposes as the larger social context of the game and not just the pejorative, could be its own too-long post, but I think it's worth mentioning as an avenue for thinking about the complex dynamics of the life series as social play. For example, Etho consistently is thinking from a metagame perspective, from stalling by accusing Cleo of metagaming or remarking that Scar's lost the dramatic moment so he can't attack now in Last Life, or threatening to break roleplay in Limited Life when he's mad at Scar.

(6) From Rules of Play: "Sutton-Smith's model for player roles includes an actor, a counteractor, and an overall "motive" or format for play. For example, if the motive is capture, the actor's role is to take, while the role of the counteractor is to avoid being taken. [...] In Sutton-Smith's model, the roles of actor and counteractor are both equally important in constructing the experience of play." I don't think this model is sufficient on its own, but it's a worthwhile point that conflict is part of the game and is in fact desirable within certain bounds.

(7) Scott in LL is really interesting narratively because his motivation is at odds with what the game asks him to do: he is extremely true to his word and chooses to take the penalty of being knocked down to red rather than trying to kill someone and making an enemy of them and/or failing and dying anyway. He's not breaking any rules, but his choosing to experience consequences because of his own motivation and social relationships is compelling. It pays off when he wins, and it pays off again when Cleo can't bear to kill him in DL - the metagame element of past social play relationships and player knowledge of other players contributing to the current dynamics of social play.

ETA: An important point I also wanted to make but didn't have space for up top is that Jimmy being a "canary in a coal mine" as a result of always dying first is not some immutable truth about fate that actually influences his games, but if you can accept that it's not actually fated then you can start to think about and react to the way that the in-game players construct narratives in response to the actual events of him always permadying first. Joel's futile attempts to prevent this are a product of previous seasons' social play, the transformative current social dynamics, and his own player narrative (again, narrative as meaning giving form to experiences).

Also, I strongly disliked DL's premise and thought the best parts were the chosen soulmates precisely because I think predestination is best left to Calvinists and choice, especially in opposition to prescribed rules or narratives, is the most interesting thing in the world. Of course Etho and Bdubs in Last Life is what hooked me and I am also smug that the players tend to refer to the series as "last life" even if 3L came first and it's been two whole seasons since then.

(*) On meanings:

I think that meaning is necessarily the complex web of relationships between any given things, and there is no objective meaning to anything. Words and events have no meanings outside of our interpretations of and dialogue about them - this is not nihilism, but a beautiful gift of communicating with other people. A real deep dive into semiotics is beyond the scope of this post and also my own abilities, but it informs this view. I don't think you have to read academically to know it; you can find the proof in arguments about whether a pop tart is ravioli. A stupid argument, but one that is negotiating the boundaries of words' meanings by drawing on the words' relationships to other words and the things those words represent. It's the act of making meaning, not uncovering it. So too is watching the life series and arguing about or making arguments for a certain narrative angle or emphasizing a detail etc. - I just think it's a loss not to celebrate the complex web that tugs in many different directions with many different motives. It's less simple, but much richer.

#traffic smp #limited life #mc meta #long post #peter writes #il n'ya pas de hors-texte. you got it????#i dont know if this kind of post is appealing to anyone i want to convince. but pspspspssss #what you may currently perceive as limiting is actually hiding boundless potential. pspspssspspssssssss #i hope the bullet points make it easier to read but this is such a long post.

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wispforever · 7 months

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Some thoughts on Itachi

So, I've seen a lot of comments circulating about my tags on this post, and I'm intrigued at the interest. I didn't expect it, as I see much more pigeonholing of Itachi's character than honest to god analysis. No hate- I'm no stranger to Kishimoto's writing. Some of his characters were unfortunately butchered or never given the chance to be developed properly, and Itachi is most certainly no exception. That said, I like to grant him a bit more nuance than I see on most blogs. I think people get a little wrapped up in the supposed "moral implications" of exploring how Itachi was also a victim of the system, as well as someone who victimized many people. But it's silly to equate character analysis and context consideration with condoning genocide.

I have a good laugh every once and a while at the metaphorical gymnastics people do in order to stay in the good graces of a bunch of internet trolls who are just Waiting for any opportunity to tell you you love murder and think it's delicious just because you made a post exploring a character's background. Media is grey; it's layered and wonderfully complex. There are many wrongs and rights in every story, and many wrongs and rights within those wrongs and rights. That's what I love about Naruto. Often times it's really too much like real life. Instead of people being black and white, right or wrong, bad or good- they're usually in a tough situation, trying their best and falling short, don't have all of the information, acting with good intentions or acting on what they believe will bring about a lesser evil, and then end up hurting others.

But it is much easier to assign blame and move on. A so-called bad person will always be the perfect scapegoat for issues bigger than them. In Itachi's case, the fascist government in the Leaf. It's easier to say Itachi could have just refused and decided not to be involved, than to recognize that like almost every other character in the narrative, he was under extreme duress, living in a military state. He was a child whose existence, along with all the other children and adults in the Leaf, was only valuable as long as he could serve as a tool for the war machine in the shinobi world's fucked up political system. And saying this is not the same as saying he was not capable of better decisions or that everything that he did thereafter or in general should not be read critically or subject to hypothetical consequences. It is the same as a saying his actions cannot be fully understood without complete context, and the themes of Naruto will never come through if every villain is just "evil" with no further nuance. And it would be boring too LOL

That said, I love to think about Itachi's situation back then. The ages in Naruto are a bit muddled, a little inconsistent, subject to change and interpretation, but Itachi was a child when he murdered everyone in the Uchiha compound. Most sources say he was 13. It should go without saying that someone so young isn't capable of the same decision-making or critical thinking as say, a 30-year-old, someone whose brain is finished developing and has much more experience on Earth.

Itachi's experience at this point in his life is informed by his age, and it's obviously informed by his childhood, as he has no other place from which to draw conclusions. Itachi grew up in a warring state. He saw people die and was subject to extreme violence in his formative years. To make matters worse, he was taught that war was inevitable and the only thing he could do to guard against it was kill others before they got the chance to kill him (threaten the village). Thusly, Itachi internalized at a very young age that what was in his power was to minimize damage (to himself, to his village, and to the world). What was not in his power was to stop this violence entirely (by adopting a critical mindset and going against fascist powers).

A part of this I think people often forget is that Itachi has absolutely nowhere to adopt this mindset FROM, as even though his father and the other members of the Uchiha clan seek equity in the Leaf, if they were to overthrow the Hokage and create a new system, it would still presumably center around the same ideals (minus, of course, the oppression of the Uchiha as a group). Fugaku is the head of the Uchiha clan at this time. As someone who imposed near impossible performance-related expectations on both of his sons, and withheld love and affection whenever they came up short (so often that it was at the cost of having any considerable emotional bond with either of them), there is absolutely no good reason to believe that Fugaku would reform the Leaf using a non-fascist ideology. And if he did, there is no good reason to believe that he would be some kind of visionary LMAO

This is important to remember because when it comes down to Itachi's decision to either kill everyone in the Uchiha compound and his family, or be part of the coup that would overthrow the Leaf, some people treat it as though it's a choice between fascism and non-fascism, which it most certainly is not. And if it was, Itachi, as a child who had grown up immersed in this ideology, would not be able to appreciate the difference. This context allows us to understand further what Itachi was really weighing in that moment. Accounting for his young age and limited worldview, the only valuable difference in this moment to Itachi was the amount of bloodshed that he would "allow" to happen. Essentially, he sees the options as follows:

Either give in to Danzo and kill everyone in the Uchiha compound, or facilitate a coup where the current government is (hopefully) overthrown and risk starting another war.

Here, Itachi pauses. He has known war. He knows how it affects children, adults, families, and whole nations. The peace he's living in currently is bought with blood, but it's the only peace he's ever known. The alternative is horrifying. And a war in this context, Itachi likely thinks, would be his fault, as he has now been put in the position to "prevent" it. Danzo and the whole shinobi system have groomed him into thinking so. Itachi, at age 13, cannot understand that there would be no war; it exists only as leverage for Danzo's argument at this point. His sensitivities are being played on.

Fugaku, though he is not the same as Danzo, offers about as much help as he does (that being none). Fugaku has no interest in avoiding war; if a war breaks out, it's justified because it will still mean his clan will no longer be living in oppression. This idea is valid, as fascist systems and discrimination can only cease to exist when we rise up against them; unfortunately, this most often calls for righteous violence, as the oppressive powers will not be moved with peaceful shows (not to mention they are willing to go to extreme lengths to avoid losing their hold on the people they have crushing power over, i.e. the Uchiha massacre). But Fugaku has no words to explain this to Itachi, who fears the worst and further fears being responsible for the worst. All he does is act as if it's a moral failing that his 13-year-old son is unwilling to stage a coup, which he believes could mark the abrupt end of a peace that's only just begun.

That said, let it be known that Itachi does appreciate this situation with SOME nuance, though it isn't of the kind that might have enabled him to see he was being manipulated. He at the very least understands that Danzo is a warmonger and oppresses those he fears (the Uchiha). He understands that the rights of his clan have been sorely disrespected, and that the issue needs correction. He understands the anger of his friends and family. This is why it takes him much deliberation before he can even come close to making a decision. He plays both sides right up until the end, listening to Danzo, as well as Fugaku and Shisui, paying attention to the current atmosphere in the Leaf as he tries to decide.

It is something he doesn't want to do. Here's where I get to the part I put in the tags of my drawing.

In this situation, it's almost worthless to write an analysis about Itachi's feelings at this time, his understanding of what was actually going on, his loyalty to his clan or his loyalty to the Leaf, because really, he could not grasp it. He was never prepared for this. He never knew he would be asked to make a decision he could only understand as "your family or the world?"

Itachi was put in a position that had no happy ending. There was no decision he could make that would not hurt. That could not result in a cataclysm that split him right down the middle. There was no version of this story that a 13-year-old could carry out thinking "I have done the right thing."

And that's the important part. Both sides asked him to make this decision, and so both sides are guilty of placing an immeasurable pressure on a child who should never have been put in such a position. Regardless of ideology, regardless of price, regardless of oppression or loyalty or devotion or any other thing- someone else should have made this decision for Itachi. Someone else should have been responsible. An adult, at the very least. Someone who COULD understand the implications of both options. Someone who COULD go forward and appreciate the evil of fascism and know that a coup was necessary. Itachi was never capable of such a thing. If he made the "wrong" decision, than every child who can't explain to you what a fascist government in a military state looks like and explain what the difference is between a hate crime and resisting a hateful power, is also wrong. Here is the nuance. These are things a 13-year-old in this universe cannot be expected to understand unless they are taught. And Itachi had no teacher. Quite the opposite. There were only forces pressing him from both sides, saying "choose."

Had his father done this for him, had Shisui been in this position, had any other adult Uchiha acting as a spy been put to this task, it would be a much different narrative. But of course, it had to be Itachi, who Danzo knew he could manipulate. It had to be a child, someone skilled enough to do the job, but inexperienced enough, afraid enough, to be willing to sacrifice everything they had to see the mission through. Someone you could whisper "greater good" to and have them hand over their well being on a plate. Someone who didn't understand they had the power and strength to destroy the system threatening them.

On a narrative level, Itachi exists to illustrate this point. How young people are systematically indoctrinated to serve a greater purpose, be it under a specific government, religion, or otherwise. We see it in real life fascism, in real life cults. There's no mistake. It isn't an accident that Itachi's story begins like this.

Which brings me to the rest of his life. The reason I drew the picture in the post referenced at the top. Itachi's character is a bit of a mystery the rest of the anime. Be that because of bad writing or an intentional omission, his motives, thoughts, and opinions are largely left ambiguous. However, there are still a few moments that interest me as far as the implications of his development.

When Itachi first comes back to the Leaf village, he faces Kakashi. On the one hand, this could simply be a narrative tool- the big bad meets the big good. He takes Kakashi out of commission! The first rogue shinobi we see who is able to defeat the pillar of the Leaf, the Copy Ninja, and without even breaking a sweat!

On the other hand, I find the brutality of Itachi's attack very intriguing. Again, it could be the tough guy act, but he's able to keep three jonin busy easily using standard genjutsu (with the help of Kisame). It wouldn't be a stretch to say that using the tsukuyomi is overkill, and at a considerable price, we learn later.

Why then would Itachi, who has been shown to have excellent battle intelligence, who is strategic to a fault, be willing to jeopardize his health among other things just to... scare the Leaf? Make sure Kakashi wouldn't be a nuisance in the future? Sure, the last one would make collecting Naruto less complicated, but they dispatched Kakashi easily enough, and surely Jiraiya, who Naruto was with at the time, would pose a bigger problem than Kakashi.

It doesn't make strategic sense, which makes me wonder if Itachi has a special animosity toward Kakashi. Being his superior in the ANBU before the Uchiha massacre, someone who was willing to conduct surveillance of the Uchiha compound without question, Kakashi could have become a symbol of the indifference of the Leaf for Itachi. He could very well have been a reminder of the inoperable position Itachi was put in when he was still a child, and Kakashi, of course, was an adult. Another adult who did nothing. Noticed nothing. Did not help Itachi.

And while I'm certain that Kakashi would have taken severe issue with the goings on in the Leaf at that time, judging by his reaction when he finds out the truth in Shippuden, Itachi knows him only by what he did then. Facilitated surveillance of the Uchiha compound, was a supportive superior, but nothing greater. A bystander whose compassion, while well meaning, was entirely unhelpful.

I don't think it's far fetched that Itachi fucking crucified Kakashi because he was so angry at what being in the Leaf did to him. At some point, as he got older, he realized how terrible it was. He realized there were people like him. Children who were "born killers". Pawns in the game of the shinobi powers.

After leaving the village, Itachi joins the Akatsuki, who are also seeking peace through war (another story). He is supposed to spy for them, but doesn't follow through in any enthusiastic way (that we're shown). He works alone for quite some time, or else with a group (briefly he was shown with Conan and Kakuzu). He is partners with Orochimaru before he's expelled from the Akatsuki. He is partners with one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. He grows up and meets many people, sees lots of stories unfold. He learns that he isn't in a minority. Many shinobi are just like him.

And then, as an adult, he is partnered with Kisame, who he finds excellent camaraderie with because of their similar backgrounds. We see in this relationship that he understands what happened to him and what he did enough to acknowledge that, while neither of them are monsters, as many people say, they are human. And humans make mistakes. Humans are complicated. Wrong and right and wrong and right. They understand each other, and Itachi understands more clearly what the world puts these children up to. What it forces shinobi to become. That it isn't all his fault, but he still did it. And so he is responsible. He appears to be able to live with that.

But when he returns to the Leaf, those feelings bubble up. He hates the Leaf. He hates that system. He hates what he did. Maybe he even hates being a shinobi, how his excellence was weaponized, how being an Uchiha doomed him and his clan. And for what?

Itachi is played as a character who is only sensible, only logical, only interested in practical things, has nothing to express. But the way he behaves toward Kakashi in that moment bares all his grief and anger. I just like to think about it. We have so few moments where we get to see Itachi genuinely. The fight with Kakashi, the Sasuke/Deidara fight, his thoughtful moments with Kisame. Just makes me wonder what could've been if Itachi's story had gone a little differently.

Anyway, if anyone would like me to expand on any points or has additional thoughts, feel free to hop in my ask box or leave a comment. Thanks for the interest, I love to talk.

#this is wisp #itachi uchiha #analysis

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agender-witchery · 4 days

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I am not an expert in Japanese language or culture, but seeing people still being weird about Vivian's gender, even with the Thousand Year Door Remake out is infuriating, so I'm going to drop everything I've got here in case someone feels inclined to argue with some asshole still calling her a femboy or something.

To start: the original, 2004 Gamecube script.

Before I even get into whether Vivian is really being referred to using a crossdressing term (spoilers: she's not), let's address two other words that she herself uses in the original text.

Vivian uses "atai" (アタイ) as a first person pronoun in both the 2004 and 2024 scripts. atai is, put simply, extremely effeminate. I've had many people argue "Japanese pronouns aren't strict about gender like English pronouns!" and while this is technically correct, a female idol using "boku" to refer to herself and a theoretical femboy using "atai" to refer to himself are two very different situations. I am not well versed in the Japanese equivalent to femboy culture, but I would expect them to use "atashi" if anything.

Another word Vivian uses is "shimai" (姉妹) which means sister. This is in reference to herself and her sisters, where the three of them each say a part of the sentence introducing themselves. The full sentence (gonna ignore Beldam and Marilyn for now) is "We are... the three... Shadow Sisters!!" (われらは・・・　カゲ・・・　三姉妹っ！！). There just isn't a way to interpret this as anything other than her calling herself a woman, so most transphobes ignore it if you point it out, or insist that other characters are the authority on her identity rather than herself. I suppose this makes sense for them, as they are quite accustomed to telling trans women "You'll always be a man".

Vivian doesn't refer to herself using gendered language anywhere else, but to be honest, this should be enough. But whatever, let's keep going, let's actually look at the ways in which Vivian is called a boy. This is done by Beldam, Goombella, and the game systems for both TTYD and SPM.

On the topic of Beldam, she refers to Vivian as a "man" (オトコ) to put her down. In the English release, this was changed to Beldam calling her "plug-ugly" and so many people who deny Vivian's trans identity will point to this and say that Beldam calling Vivian a man isn't a denial of her being a woman, but rather an insult being directed at her since it's very offensive to call a woman a man. Yes, misgendering people is offensive, astute observation made by the transphobes. Worth noting that this is entirely inconsistent with the argument that Vivian is a femboy, but that has not stopped some people from arguing both. I've seen it with my own two eyes. This line comes immediately after Vivian including herself within the group of sisters, but sure, maybe Beldam specifically insulted Vivian by calling her a man instead of the much easier ugly insult that we got in the English release. I don't think that's true, but maybe that's what happened. Let's move on, because this is largely addressed in the remake.

On to Goombella. Her Tattle for Vivian states that she's "The youngest sister [of the trio]... no, wait, brother" (いちばん下の妹・・・　じゃなくて　弟ね). This is just misgendering, I don't have much to say, Goombella is not the authority on Vivian's identity.

Now for game systems. Specifically, the partner menu in TTYD and the catch card in SPM. Both of these refer to Vivian as a "boy" (オトコのコ). These are universally written in katakana, and in fact, other than Goombella's Tattle, all dialogue referring to Vivian's identity is written in katakana. I'll get to that in a bit. This reference to Vivian as オトコのコ is the basis for basically every claim that she's a femboy coming from Westerners. The thing here is that オトコのコ is pronounced "otokonoko" and is highly popular as a term within Japanese crossdressing communities... kinda.

See, the term that's used for crossdressing is 男の娘 while the term that simply means boy is 男の子. These are pronounced identically, but use different characters, the former uses the characters for "male" and "daughter" while the latter is "male" and "child". The crossdressing term is a pun and it is slang. It's a play on words, it effectively means "male daughter" but is pronounced "boy". The kanji is crucial to conveying this meaning in Japanese, because otherwise if you write オトコのコ people will just assume you mean the common, every day usage of boy without any crossdressing implications rather than the slang terminology. Additionally, katakana is often used for emphasis, like bold or italics or ALL CAPS. Since all words referring to Vivian's gender identity are written in katakana for both the original and the remake, this puts emphasis on her identity, as if it were very important to Vivian's character and her personal story.

But wait! There's more. 男の娘 would not even enter popular usage until 2006. TTYD came out in 2004. That's two years too early for the game to be referring to her in this way. The simple, not obtuse way of interpreting this is that it's just misgendering and not Nintendo inventing a time machine, grabbing slang from 2 years in the future, embedding it in their game, and then inconsistently referring to Vivian as a cis woman, a cis man, and a femboy across two games. This sort of misgendering where a character will be presented with "They look like a girl, but they're actually a boy!" is very common for early 2000's characters who would be updated to be unambiguously transgender in later media. You know, like Bridget? The 2002 character who would be updated to be trans in 2022? Turns out it was difficult to put trans people in media without backlash at the time! Daisuke Ishiwatari said as much when clarifying Bridget's gender.

But this is a post about Vivian, so let's get back on topic...

The 2024 Switch remake script

The Japanese text for the Switch remake includes changes that are... very front and center. You may have seen the English screenshots concerning Vivian's gender. If anything, these are downplaying it. The Japanese is much more blatant concerning Vivian being transgender. And these are changes coming from the Japanese writers who read the original script for the 2004 release and decided to write her this way in 2024. While the original writers credited from the 2004 release seem to be missing from the credits in the 2024 release (Hironobu Suzuki and Misao Fukuda), the director of the 2004 release is present in a supervisor role (Ryota Kawade).

I do not have the Japanese text of the Boggly Woods scene, as I am relying on other people's posting of text from the game since I'd like to finish the game in English first and I'm not even through Hooktail's Castle yet. I do have the text from Goombella, the partner menu, and the new dialogue in Twilight Town.

Let's start with Goombella and the partner menu, since those are straightforward. All references from Goombella to Vivian's gender are removed, and the partner menu now says "Has a boy's body, but a girl in their heart." in Japanese. I'll talk about that phrasing in a bit.

But the new dialogue! You've probably already seen it if you're reading this, but the English reads "Truth is, it took me a while to realize I'm their sister... not their brother. Now their usual bullying feels heavier." which, to me, is fairly unambiguous in what it means. I've seen people try to imply that it doesn't mean she's trans, but like, I'm not gonna humor that. I have seen earnest questions on why the last sentence is worded like that though, so I'll talk a bit about it at the end.

The Japanese text for this line, which again, is entirely new is "それに　じつは　アタイ・・・体は　オトコのコだけどココロは　カワイイ　オンナのコなの" or in English "The thing is... I... I have a boy's body, but my heart is a cute girl's!". Now, "I have the body of X but my heart/soul is that of Y!" is, to my understanding, a very common way for trans people to express themselves in Japan, so this reads as a point blank Vivian turning to the camera and saying "I am transgender". And again, these are the Japanese writers from the company that wrote the original 2004 script who are familiar with and interpreted that script for their job that paid them actual money. If someone wants to insist exclusively on authorial intent and refuses to recognize localizers as authors (they are), then this is the authorial intent. Vivian is trans and the Japanese script went out of its way to make this as clear as possible. The line after this also has Vivian talking about having "girl’s feelings" (乙女心).

That all should be the end of the discussion. If people argue against this, I can't really say they're doing anything other than being deliberately obtuse to serve a transphobic agenda.

As for the wording in the English translation, about how the usual bullying Vivian had experienced felt heavier, that really just reinforces the trans narrative, but in a way that is mostly gonna be picked up by trans people, which is why I say the translation is downplaying it. I probably don't need to explain this here on the gay website, half of you are probably trans, but fuck it, maybe you haven't thought about it too hard. Transphobia isn't just being misgendered and receiving systemic discrimination, it's also just receiving more hate in general. This is true of all bigotry, whether you're a cis woman, trans, black, disabled, people will just focus on you and be more critical in general. For a trans audience, this is something that can be picked up on relatively easily, but for non-trans audiences, it might just seem like a non sequitur. I generally really like the changes, but I do wish this one specific sentence actually referenced transphobia in the most direct way possible, have her state with precisely zero uncertainty that her sisters called her a man to bully her.

Sources:

https://x.com/OatmealDome/status/1793081375005827084?t=_8mWED-nN4DFHIrXam7vJw&s=19

https://x.com/OatmealDome/status/1793116357384339692?t=qBbgfKuNT1hS51WFovTEDQ&s=19

https://tcrf.net/Paper_Mario:_The_Thousand-Year_Door/Regional_Differences#Vivian

#im puppy #paper mario #the thousand year door #ttyd #vivian #transgender #transphobia #mario #vivian ttyd

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arschbiene · 24 days

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Idk if someone ask this to you before but do you think gilbert is albino?

Unpopular opinion, but I do not HC him as Albino. Cut for length.

Albinism is more than coloring in human beings, it comes with a host of other complications such as eye issues and skin vulnerabilities. While people with Albinism are typically healthy and live normal lives, I think we all know that warfare means you are out in the sun and elements and I just think that would be very difficult for someone with Albinism and make him particularly vulnerable, so if you're gonna do it, I think that good representation is realistic representation and these challenges should be woven into the fabric of his character.

Petty, but one of my pet peeves is having to reading excessive epithets in fanfic and 'The Albino' has become a kneejerk for me. I think it's a sign of writing that needs to mature and grow and often can be an instant backspace for me. The main reason is that I do not think that people should be pared down to their disabilities, I find it robs people of their personhood. I feel the same way of things like "The dwarf/little person", "The amputee" etc. Someone's condition or appearance really ought not to be the choice when we need an epithet. If you find you are heavily using epithets in your fanfic, you may need to work on the fluidity of your style to avoid over-use/over-reliance.

I have worked over 7 years with the disabled and mentally ill community and I think there needs to be more understanding of how to approach disabilities with sensitivity and awareness. If you really want to lean into the albinism head canon you need to do your research, including hearing out voices of those in the community and learn about the objectification/romanticization of disability and educate yourself on biases and pitfalls you have. Of the top of my head, Stella Young has a lot of ted talks jumping into the issue that you can use as a spring board.

Last but not least, I don't think due to recent coloring shifts from himaruya that was his intentions, he has gotten more gray/ashy blonde in official art work and his eyes are losing their red hue with the introduction of a blue splash he has been favoring recently. We haven't seen official colored piece from himaruya in a hot minute and he is so inconsistent in general with hair colors and eye colors so I do not think it's confirmed canon at all. I do think his looks are striking/unusual as he references it one time in the canon strips that he'd be recognizable due to his appearance while pointing at his eyes/face but yeah! It's up to interpretation until otherwise indicated.

I personally just do not see him that way but like I always say, the fun part of hetalia is that no one is right and wrong. My only point is that if you do it, make sure you are coming from a place of knowledge! But in general otherwise, do what you want, life is short <3

#hetalia #hws prussia #aph prussia

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fishfingersandjellybabies · 3 months

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Honestly I always thought jondami stan were joking about Jon being obsessive with Damian, but then I start to read Jon comics and OMG THIS GUY IS NOT OBSESSIVE HE IS COMPLETELY DEVOTED TO DAMIAN

I'm not joking you guys were not joking Jon really kept some devotion to Damian

I don't say it in some romantic way or platonic way the only word who really works in this case is devotion

Even now when jon is basically almost an adult he still keeps this devotion for Damian in heart, Nakamura call Damian a demon? Jon got mad at him! Someone doesn't respect Damian? Jon don't like you now, grow up! Is Damian mean to him? Yep, I deserve it, I should not have done it/said it

I say devotion instead of obsession because Jon still has a life without Damian on it but YET he still put Damian on his thoughts and heart, not in sexual or romantic way more 'i need to care for him, I need to protect him, I need to remember him I could die for him'

And the best part of this devotion? Jon can be consumed by it. He can fight with anyone if he needs and everything is inconsistent, he put Damian on this pedestal without realizing it and no even Damian understands what Jon did

Jon is 100% sure that no one no single soul will care for Damian in the same way he did, then he needs to be the one who cares for Damian and tries to protect him from any injury because no one appreciates Damian as they should, don't get him wrong, Jon loves Jay Nakamura, jay was perfect but Damian is the most humanity thing Jon already see (the gentle part together with the anger; the hope even with all those mess)

Probably Damian caught this after a while when he started to recognize Jon's behavior is dangerous too similar to his grandpa subordinates....

I think that's what I love about Damian and Jon the most, is whether it's interpreted romantically or plantonicly, it's simple - they are soulmates. No one will care for each other like they care for each other, and that's just a plain fact.

I have always felt that it was because, despite their rocky start, Damian was the first and only person to ever see Jon. Not the perfect son of Superman, not as a leader, not as an always happy person. But as a real, flawed, angry human. Jon makes mistakes? Damian shrugs and says 'okay nerd let's keep going.' No one had done that for Jon before, and no one has since.

Meanwhile Damian still can't believe it, because he probably believes he's lesser than Jon. That he's the grunt who needs to always be watching Jon's back and protecting him from the darkness and dirt that the world tries to throw at this optimistic spirit.

#jondami #damian wayne #jonathan kent #asks #anon

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lunar1an · 1 year

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thinking a lot about wildbow's early works (worm, pact) and his more recent moralistic works (ward, pale) and the sheer difference in narrative empathy

in worm and pact you have characters who do fucked up things but it feels like a lot of effort is put into understanding the people behind them and where they're coming from. rachel's dogs maul people but there's a whole Arc of taylor learning to vibe with her and befriend her and of rachel getting what she needs (a place alone with her dogs where she can let other people in at her own pace) and growing as a person. all from the angle of 'this is genuinely good for rachel and helpful'. we want her to succeed because we care about her.

in pact we see how sandra duchamp grew up, how she's just as much a victim of her family as she is someone who perpetuates that harm, and while she's an antagonist the story doesn't spoonfeed it to us--we're allowed to see her human and sympathetic moments and we're allowed to feel bad for her while also wanting her stopped.

it felt. i don't know. like the story in general respected these characters, respected the reader's ability to empathize with those characters while also knowing Murder Bad or whatever.

but then the major worm fandom interpretations shifted. you had reddit and other popular sources going on about how taylor was actually horrible and an unreliable narrator, and how the undersiders were actually ~super fucked up and evil criminals~. pact and twig were spared this for the most part by virtue of being less popular with those crowds.

and i'm not sure if the morality discourse got baked into wildbow's brain by osmosis or if he felt like he wouldn't be appeasing his fandom if he didn't address it or what.

but by ward suddenly that narrative empathy, for the most part, is missing. it becomes conditional -- the protagonist and others do not extend empathy towards others until they Properly Recognize What They've Done Wrong. any improvement, any attempt to do better isn't legitimate unless the Bad Deeds are addressed and atoned for by whatever inconsistent standards the narrative adheres to. what matters isn't riley being in a healthier place and making connections--ward thinks that we should be rooting for riley because she recognizes she messed up and is constantly making up for the atrocities she committed.

i think it's kind of reached its peak in post arc 13 pale though. every time empathy is extended it's near-always accompanied by a patronizing little reminder of "mmmm, well you did Bad Things too".

you aren't allowed to just say "well damn i sympathize with charles", for example, because the narrative constantly reminds you that actually he is Still Doing Bad and therefore you aren't allowed to feel for him. it doesn't help that the story continually one-ups itself on thinking of ways to make charles over the top evil either.

but either way it's just. bleak. in a story purportedly about community building it's shockingly uncaring. you can't just sympathize with a morally grey character or take them As They Are without the story casting judgment and constantly reminding you of their verdict. it's just exhausting and makes any positive message the story tries to send feel hollow

OBLIGATORY NOTE: this essay does not mean "actually all fallen and e88 and etc should be empathized with". what it does mean is that in a moralistic work it becomes telling when ex-nazi rune gets her own interlude and a bunch of pagetime to show how she's 'doing better' while that same courtesy isn't extended to many villains who are traumatized and might have, say, legitimate reasons to not want to be arrested or feel like they have no other option, or legitimate reason to not support the heroes, but oh. they do Crimes so actually none of that matters as long as they're still Doing Crimes.

#parahumans #wildbow #uhhh this discusses every web serial except for twig p much so general spoiler warnings ig #also keep in mind this is about characters who werent created from the get go to be pure antagonists #its fine to just have characters who are evil. sometimes people just suck #but theres a difference between that and the story going 'actually your circumstances and any nuance doesn't matter because you suck'

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dutchdread · 2 months

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From one of your answer: "Personally I think that while Cloud is totally unsure of who or what he is, that he is 100% aware that he deeply loves Tifa, even at the start of Remake."

I'd love to see you talk more about this. Do you think that, while he's aware that he loves her, does he remember that he's has been loving her ever since they were young?

Now I haven't played Rebirth (but I spoiled myself a lot). But from Remake and what I gather, I personally think he doesn't remember, or be aware of his feelings. However, I think that he's unconsciously and instinctively attracted to her as well as be protective of her, at least from the beginning of Remake. He can't exactly define his feeling, but he knows what he wants to do with her (getting jealous, being touchy-touchy, being protective). Then he grows to realize his feeling all over again over the course of the game, without even remember he has always been in love with her this whole time.

Also, as far as I know, Cloud isn't the type who ponders "what is this ache in my heart?". He's the man of action. He cares for Tifa and wants to do things for Tifa, regardless of whatever he feels for her is called a crush, infatuation, or love.

But that's my take. And I'd like to hear yours :D

I have to preface this by saying that this is 100% conjecture. My hope is that this is essentially exactly the question that we get answered in part 3, because it is something I really wonder about myself. Hell it might be the thing I am MOST curious to know. So when I give my thought on this, know that it I think it really is up in the air and could go either way, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if this is left up to interpretation. There are things that I think Cloud legitimately doesn't know. His confusion about Nibelheim for instance is 100% unfaked. But when Tifa asks him where he was these past 5 years and he responds with "you know I can't tell you that", what was that? Was that a straight up lie? I think it's clear he doesn't know where he was these past years. But does he know that he doesn't know where he was? And did he lie to hide that fact? If he simply had no recollections of the past 5 years but is otherwise mostly lucid then he could have simply answered "that's odd, I don't remember".

But he doesn't, either the Jenova cells are directly influencing him to lie or causing him to make up an excuse to change the subject. Regardless he's actively avoiding recognizing an issue that should be interesting to him "why don't I know where I was". But then in Gongaga we have Cloud admitting that he doesn't know stuff that he's supposed to know. That implies that it's not just Jenova forcing him to be unaware of the inconsistencies in his memory. He himself has been CHOOSING to hide some of them. The reason I bring this up is because there is something we have to ask ourselves. Is Cloud 100% genuinely trying to play out a personality that was not inherently his? Or does he only have a bunch of messed up memories, but is intentionally trying to play up that persona? Or something in the middle? I'd guess it's something in the middle, which explains a lot of the changes we see in his behavior based on who he is talking to. That means that when he says stuff like "Don't remember" when Yuffie asks him whether or not he used to be in love with Tifa. That could very easily be a bold faced lie. He could have all his messed up memories and still remember vividly why he wanted to be a soldier in the first place. Which is essentially what happens in the lifestream, HE tells Tifa why he did those things, HE knows when she does not, thereby proving those memories and those feelings could not have come from her. So it could easily be that Cloud, during remake and remake, not only realizes that he loves Tifa, but be aware that he was once a shy dorky kid who just wanted Tifa to notice him, and is still "internally screaming" anytime Tifa is near, but is desperate not to show that side of him to the outside world. Or it could of course be possible that he's completely blocked those embarrassing memories and feelings off even from himself and that his Soldier persona is completely genuine and that his fondness for Tifa in remake and Rebirth is just the result of that Love still simply being a part of him, even if he himself doesn't totally understand why. And that his real self only comes out during glimpses. We have quotes to corroborate this, but it's not that clear whether that means his true personality coming out means he's showing his real thoughts for once rather than acting, or that it means that his real personality literally takes over for a bit from his fake one. Again, I think the truth is in the middle. I especially wonder about this when Cloud sits down on the water tower next to Aerith. He very poignantly leaves Tifas house for last, and sits down looking at it directly. To me it feels like in that moment he is completely aware of why he did that, and is putting on a cool act when saying "sounds like something I'd do". I think that was one of the most telling scenes in the game, which on second playthrough post LS, will feel extremely telling. You will see him sitting there, and you'll know. "you mother fucker, you know EXACTLY that you did that and why, we know what you're thinking! XD" At the very least I feel like the scene was intentionally directed to strongly give off the impression that Cloud there is actively aware of what Tifa means to him, and is in that moment the same boy that would gaze at Tifa all those years back, putting up a cool guy act, but still with all his unspoken thoughts being about how this is all for her. Good question, I wish I had a better answer for you, but I think this one one of those times where speculating about the answer might be half the fun.

#ffvii #cloti #ffvii rebirth #ffvii remake #tifa lockhart #ff7 #cloud strife #shipping

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hyacinthsdiamonds · 2 years

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Reasons I hated the ending;

Inconsistent ooc writing. I don't know who the f was on my screen but that wasn't the Sam or Dean we've grown with for fifteen years.

Plot holes; the vampire mimes??? Where did they come from?? Because John thought Vampires were extinct until Dead Man's Blood and then he's you know dead so when did he have this supposed hunt with these pathetic excuses for a typical monster of the week villain let alone the last ever one?

Jenny. She wasn't even named in her first episode. Not once in fifteen years did one viewer go "I wonder what happened to her". Nostalgia? Most people didn't recognize her. She's only notable for being part of the first wlw and same-sex kiss on the show which was nonconsensual because the other girl forced herself on Jenny and only did it for the amusement of the men watching. There's also interesting points regarding to the show's vilification of queer people in the early seasons as majority of the first queer characters were what the show deemed monsters and were portrayed as predatory or destructive (they literally had Lily accidentally kill her girlfriend by touching her) and if they were "human" they were used as the punchline until Charlie when we actually got good rep and she was eventually butchered. Most queer characters ended up dead, or at least dead from some time. Only four queer characters are even hinted to be alive at the end (we don't know nothing about Charlie 2.0's fate), Kaia and Claire who's reunion and overall ending is left open to interpretation (hinted they're alive as Donna texted Sam which hints the wayward sisters are ok), Max who as far as we are aware is still condemned to go to Hell when he dies and Chuck one of if not the only canon bisexual males in the show was vilified to such a significant degree it doesn't matter that he's still alive. To have Jenny be the character they bring back while ignoring the show's integral queer characters like Charlie or Crowley or Claire or Cas etc is something else when the nonconsensual kiss was what turned her into a vampire.

Of the three female characters we see in the finale none have any connections to the viewers. Jenny the only character we've seen before is killed immediately. Blurry wife literally only exists to provide the womb for Sam to have a son to name after Dean so it doesn't look like he kidnapped a random kid, she's not deemed important enough to be even seen properly. "Sam could've ended up with anymore it's open to interpretation" bullshit because that's clearly a white woman which erases so many interpretations and it is so clearly a cop out. The third is a woman who literally gets silenced at the start of the episode, she gets her tongue cut out. The most we get is a text from Donna and a line about Mary.

Cas' ending. You pulled Chekhov's gun out. The gun had to go off but instead of acknowledging his confession, they refused to allow Dean to voice his feelings, refused to even give Cas a concrete ending. We don't know for an absolute fact if he's in heaven, all we're told is Cas helped. His death is literally bury your gays, an example of out of the closet and into the fire. He deserved better as a main character of twelve years.

Dean's death is problematic as fuck. His death is implied to be a suicide. It's said to be a good thing, him dying, him dying that way. This still fucks me up. He deserved to live. He deserved so much, I see him having some sort of roadhouse like Ellen taking care of wayward children and hunters alike, and having some sort of auto shop like Bobby did. I see him aged and happy. I see Cas beside him as he should be.

Sam's ending is bullshit. It erases fifteen years of character development, of relationships and it makes it all pointless. Sam is forced to lead the life he would've lived had Dean not showed up at his dorm in the pilot. What was the point of any of it? Was Dean just a fifteen year interruption of his brother's real life? His character arc was leading towards a completely different route and they did a full 180 and regressed his character so much. Sam should've become the next Bobby, teaching and helping a new generation of hunters and he should've gotten to keep/use his powers. He should've gotten to pass on Rowena's knowledge to a new generation of witches too and I'll die on both those hills.

EILEEN LEAHY DESERVED FUCKING BETTER. First you kill her by hellhounds. You kill a deaf woman with something she needs to be able to hear in order to have a chance at surviving. Second you bring her back, develop her and Sam's relationship and then you kill her again, don't give Sam a chance to even react to it and then leave her fate unknown and then throw in blurry wife to add insult to injury.

The pacing was so off. Like carry on wayward son plays back to back twice in a weird montage??

The party city wig. It's genuinely laughable. Like that's what the cw went broke over lmfao.

It's hilariously bad for your average monster of the week episode. As a final ever episode, it's like spitting and peeing into the fans drink and forcing them to drink it.

It wasn't for the fans. I know some fans liked it, I disagree with their opinions but respect them BUT it's clear that the episode was the way it was for people who ditched the show earlier on in it's run could tune in and not feel like they missed anything, which for a show with 15 seasons should never have been the case. It was a kick in the face for those who stuck it out from beginning to end

Amara's ending doesn't sit right with me. Like she's just absorbed into Jack? Jack at three is God? Amara should've been God and Jack should've gotten to be a kid on Earth.

Rusty. Nail. Andrew Dabb why did you hate Dean Winchester and Jensen Ackles?

What about Cas' deal with Ruby? What about Rowena and the demons in Hell? What happened to Adam? Everyone Chuck snapped allegedly got brought back (no confirmation on Eileen, Charlie 2.0 or Stevie) but Michael got vaporized in Adam's body so what happened to Adam next? Forgotten again ffs. The vamp mimes are their own plot hole but how did they and Jenny team up? Like what connection did they even have? I could go on forever on forgotten plotlines and blatant plot holes.

John Winchester being in heaven.

Ruining carry on my wayward son. It's literally a jump scare at this point for me

Things I liked about the finale;

The dog

The party city wig for the memes only

#supernatural #spn #destiel #I'm sorry to my mutuals i lied about stopping myself ranting #i promise this is it and I'll return to f1 now

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rare-clone-fic-exchange · 8 months

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Feverish Flirtations

Summary: You've been the lead medic for General Billaba's battalion for awhile now and you've had a crush on Captain Grey for almost as long. What happens when a fever and a trip to the med bay loosens the Captain's tongue? Pairing: Captain Grey x Reader Rating: Gen (but minors DNI) Word Count: 4,219 A.N: This is for the wonderful, beautiful, and lovely @imarvelatthestars ! While writing this I think I may have become a Grey fan lol. Also, I know there's some inconsistencies with him from the comics, like having the rank of Commander in the comics but Captain in TBB. I went ahead and went with Captain since TBB is more recent, but I included the characters Styles and Stance from the comics since they're the only other named clones from their battalion. Anyway, I really hope you like my interpretation of Grey's character and that you enjoy this little fics!

Warnings: Mentions of medical procedures and illness.

“I’m telling you I’m fine, Doc, you just said the bleeding is internal- that’s where the blood’s supposed to be!”

Your eyes flickered up from your datapad to meet the clone’s attempt at a charming grin. A part of you wanted to laugh, mostly at the expectant look he was giving you, and if you weren’t so tired you probably would have. Right now, though, all you could do was sign.

“Styles, you already told me that joke. You know, the last time you landed yourself in here with a traumatic injury.”

His face fell just a little, “Oh- I did?”

“Guess you should scan to see if his brain’s still there too, Doc,” called Stance from the next bed.

That one did manage to get a small smile out of you, and you saw Styles get some of his pep back at the sight. Then, in a light tone, you said, “Oh, I don’t think it’s that, I think his time with me is just that forgettable.”

Styles sat up as best he could in the med bed, “Come on now, mesh’la, you know you’re as unforgettable as they come.” He winked at you, and you also might have felt a little flustered at his term of endearment, again, if you weren’t so tired.

“I’m sure,” your tone was still light, and you gave him a small smile as you finished making the notes in his chart. Despite the nature of his injuries, he would be just fine. Thank the maker.

“Oooh, barely a polite brush off,” Stance crooned, “Better luck next time, brother. Now, Doc, when can this poor injured trooper get your undivided, tender care?”

“When you have a real injury,” Styles rolled his eyes, though even you could tell there was no real malice there, just brothers in arms giving each other a hard time.

“I do have one!” he lifted the arm the field medic had already temp-treated with a bacta wrap, “Look, I have a boo boo on my bicep. Kiss it better, Doc?”

You felt your eyebrows quirk up, but before you could think of a comeback a stern voice called out behind you.

“Stance, Styles!”

Both men were snapping to attention- or in Styles’ case, as best he could laying down. You turned to see none other than Captain Grey walking into the med bay with the medic who would be relieving you for the next shift. Grey’s eyes were firm as he looked between the two men, a look that, while not uncommon for the Captain, was rarely present when you were in the room.

“Make sure I never hear you speaking so disrespectfully to our staff again. Am I understood?”

A minor rush of panic flowed through you as both men said a loud “Sir, yes sir.”

You held up your hand, instantly catching the officer’s attention. “Oh, please, Captain, there’s no need for all that, they weren’t being disrespectful.”

There, you saw it, the way his deep brown eyes softened when they were on you for more than a second. The way the lines at the corner of his mouth smoothed, his eyebrows lifting up a fraction, and his head tilting just a bit as if to lean closer to your presence. Maybe you imagined it every time, a hopeful fantasy, but he most definitely did ease up a little at your words.

He couldn’t backpedal on the order, though, which you respected, and settled for him asking how the boys were doing. You gave him and the other medic your reports, which were thankfully standard and very little cause for concern. It was a good day- or, as good as a day could be during a war.

Now that you were officially relieved, you wished the troopers a good night, reminding Styles to rest up, lest he have to spend more than a night cooped up here. You had just started to turn to the door when…

“Let me walk you back to your quarters.”

Even your exhausted state couldn’t stop you from feeling the nervous excitement starting in your chest, given that it was Grey who offered. Outwardly, all you gave was a polite, thankful nod, before saying goodnight to the others and heading for the door.

There was a brief, comfortable silence for the first few moments you two walked together down the corridor, before he cleared his throat.

“I’m…sorry about them, sometimes they forget that comments like that can make civilians uncomfortable.”

You turned a smile on him and, again because it was him, it was easy to make it warm. “Don’t worry, Grey, I wasn’t uncomfortable.”

His mouth twisted a little as he looked at you from the corner of his eye, “You just seemed…a little stressed when I came in, I assumed it was because of their flirting.”

“Oh! Oh no, it wasn’t that,” you laughed lightly, hoping to put his mind at ease, “I’m just tired is all. You know I spend all my time here on the ship worrying about you boys, it was a long day of that when we lost contact with your recon team.”

Finally, it was his turn to grin and your heart did its typical pitter patter whenever he smiled at you. Unfortunately, the look vanished as suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and held back a grunt of some kind. Then he was turning his head away from you, fist shooting up to cover his mouth as he let out a string of deep coughs.

“Grey, are you alright?” you stepped a little closer to him as he tried to hold back another cough, then cleared his throat.

He nodded his head, trying for that small, lopsided smile again, “ ‘m fine, just a scratchy throat.”

Your eyes narrowed, “Should I be sending you back to the med bay?”

As if to usher you along, he started walking again, pointedly in the direction of the lifts. “No no, I’m fine. Promise. I think the plant-life around the old ‘sep base just got to me a little bit.”

Even though you had resumed walking beside him, you still kept your gaze concerned and a little suspicious. “If it gets any worse, you call me, or go to the medic on duty, understand?”

“Sir, yes, sir” he said as if you were his CO, though his tone was lighter this time and he was still smiling.

The two of you walked in silence for a few moments, then this time he cleared his throat in a way that might have had nothing to do with his cough. “So, what you said earlier…you really don’t mind the flirting?”

You let out a little huff of laughter, “Not really, it never goes too far after all. You and your men have always treated me with respect and I know they’d listen if I ever told them it wasn’t appropriate.”

Something in him seemed relieved as he nodded. “Good. I didn’t like the thought that they were crossing a line with you, I’m glad they weren’t. And I’ll…keep that in mind.”

You weren’t exactly sure what he was going to keep in mind, but, given how he suddenly looked like he was turning something over in his head, you decided not to ask.

Another comfortable silence fell over you both for a while, and it wasn’t until you were out of the lift and on the level for your quarters when he struck up some small talk. It wasn’t anything noteworthy, besides the fact that talking to Grey about anything was something you would always welcome.

Though, he did seem a little different in his way of talking, halting at the end of sentences like he was holding back a question, or taking a breath to prepare for another comment, before closing his mouth silently. It was almost as if he was trying to find an opening to say something specific.

Or, maybe he was just trying to hide his cough from you, because a few steps before reaching your door, he burst into another short fit.

“Grey,” your tone was soft, but firm, “Please go have that checked out, we don’t want our captain getting sick.”

“It’s not bad,” he insisted again, “We have some antihistamines in our emergency med kits, I’ll take one of those and be fine.”

“Grey-”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Doc,” he insisted, not unkindly and with a soft expression that lightened the depth of the scar across his face. You knew that some of the boys liked your fussing, finding it endearing, and you wondered if Grey felt the same.

But it didn’t matter if he liked it or not, you would worry and fuss either way. “Yes, I do have to worry, Grey, it’s my job.”

“I promise if it gets worse, I’ll go straight to the med bay and raise you on the comms to let you say I told you so, how about that?”

Well, that was probably the best you were going to get out of him. “Alright, deal.”

Again, Grey opened his mouth, as though some sentiment or question was on the tip of his tongue. His eyes were even lit up a little, like an idea was sparking something behind them.

Alas, whatever it was, he hadn’t found time to broach the topic before you were at the door to your bunk and he closed his mouth yet again. Still, he shifted for a moment, tucking his helmet under his arm a little more securely as he looked to your door. He hadn’t said goodnight yet, either.

“Grey?”

His eyes finally met yours again and looked a little surprised, “Yeah?”

“Is there… something specific you wanted to talk about?”

For a moment, all he did was stare back at you, again, seeming to think something over in his mind. Finally, though, he closed his eyes and let out a small breath, then looked at you again with a polite smile.

“Maybe another time. For now, you need your rest, can’t have our favorite medic this tired.”

You nodded, maybe feeling a little disappointed, but respected whatever decision it was he had come to. “Sir, yes sir,” you said with a little salute. “Goodnight, Grey.”

“Goodnight, Doc.”

The next morning, you had just gotten your hands on your first cup of caf in the mess hall when your commlink beeped. The code was Styles’ and your brow furrowed in confusion as you answered.

“Um, hey, Doc, the Captain told me to call you and say ‘you told him so’?”

Well, kriff.

You were down in the med bay in record time, even leaving your drink behind, a testament to just how much this particular man meant to you. There was the on-duty medic and Styles, flanking a very dizzy looking Grey who was dressed in nothing but his blacks. Though he was sitting upright on the bed, he looked half ready to tip over with the way he was swaying.

“He insisted that you be the one to look him over,” said the other medic, stepping aside as you approached.

“ ‘Course I did,” Grey mumbled, eyes barely staying open, “I promised Doc could say told you so…so-” he waved his hand at you, as if presenting a valid point with the gesture.

“As you can tell, he’s a bit delirious,” your colleague huffed.

Grey opened his mouth to say something to the other medic, but when your hands reached up to press against his forehead, he let out a long breath instead. “Ooh, your hands are niiice.”

It was no wonder he thought so, he was burning up badly, the fever coating his face in a sheen of sweat. He burst into a horrendous fit of coughs then, worse than last night and sounding full of phlegm.

“I was on my way back to my bunk when I found him slumped against the walls of the corridor near his quarters,” Styles informed as you took Grey’s pulse the moment the coughing died down, “said he was trying to get to the med bay so he wouldn’t make you mad.” Then he actually huffed out a chuckle. “Or at least, that’s what I gathered from his babbling.”

“Alright, Captain,” you started, gently guiding him, “lay back, let’s run some tests and find out what’s going on.”

“-don’t have to call me Captain, good-lookin’,” Grey mumbled with an attempt at a smile while he did as you asked.

Figuring that keeping him talking was good, you quirked an eyebrow as you grabbed the scanner, “Good-looking, huh? And here you were scolding Styles for flirting just last night- No no, lay on your back, Grey, keep still,” you insisted when he tried to roll over on his side towards you.

The action caused another bout of choked hacking to ensue but Grey obeyed, staying flat on his back, even as he kept slurring nonsense when he could speak again. “Want to flirt… Wanted last night… chickened out. You’re too sweet when you fuss over me.”

You tried to ignore the heat creeping across your face, this was no time to feel flattered or embarrassed by his words, ones that you barely caught as you read the data scrolling across the screen of your scanner. Styles was silent as you worked and Grey rambled on, a sign of just how worried he was about his brother. Hopefully your tests would bear good news, and Styles could tease his Captain’s hypocrisy in no time.

“Haven’t said told you so yet.” Grey said it just barely above a hum, eyes fluttering shut as more sweat beaded on his forehead.

“I’ll say it later, for now you just-”

You were interrupted by a third round of retching and your heart ached at the little groan of pain that rolled out of his mouth at the end of it. Thankfully, your scans were finally done and a little bit of relief filled you.

“Alright, Grey, looks like you have a mild pulmonary infection, nothing too serious,” you smiled down at him then, “though it would have been better if you came here last night, you know, like I told you so.”

The smile he gave back was worn and tired, but no less genuine, “There it is, ’ll listen next time, mesh’la.” More coughs ended his bleary promise, but they were shallow and short this time.

You turned to the other medic, who was already going to the cabinet with the antibiotics in it, and told him exactly what you needed and in what doses. At the moment, you were mostly worried about breaking his fever, while it wasn’t life threateningly high, it was still on the dangerous side.

Then you turned to Styles, “Can you get a patient smock out of the wardrobe? I think he’ll be more comfortable in it than these sweaty blacks.”

Grey hummed loudly, drawing your attention back to him, “Doc, if ya wanted to get m’ clothes off, just had-” another cough, “-ask.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes a little, “Oh, Captain, you’re going to be very upset with your babbling once your fever’s broken.”

He shook his head just as his brother came back with the red two piece outfit. “I won't. Told you, wanted to say all this last night,” his mumbling was a little more clear this time, as if trying to make a point and you weren’t sure how to respond.

Thankfully, the younger medic came back with the needed fluids for the IV and said he would help Grey into the smock while you readied the medication. As the privacy curtain was pulled closed, you could have sworn you heard Styles whisper something about Gray wanting you to undress him instead, but you chose to ignore that as well.

They worked quickly, and the Captain’s treatment was ready by the time the curtain was pulled back. Grey was sitting up again and he stayed like that while you administered the IV. He took it like a champ, though he still looked quite dizzy the whole time he was sitting up.

“Alright, Grey, these fluids will help bring your fever down, and the antibiotics will start clearing up your lungs, I even put in a little something for the pain. We’ll have you feeling better in no time.”

“Hmm,” he cocked his head, “I feel better already,” he hummed as he watched you work, big brown eyes still looking tired. Then, he echoed a sentiment from earlier, “You’re too sweet when you fuss.”

Again you had to ignore the fact that the flirting, coming from him, made your face heat up. Grey kept his tired eyes on you, even as you motioned for him to lay down again.

“He’s going to be okay, right?” Styles asked in a quiet tone.

You smiled at him reassuringly, “It’ll take some time to clear up the infection, but he should be just fine, nothing our resources can’t handle. Though, I think you should send his helmet down to equipment maintenance, make sure the filters are working right.”

“On it!” He cast a look at his captain, “If you keep flirting with our favorite medic here, make sure you go all out, Cap,” he ended the statement with a wink before heading out of the room.

That made you laugh a little, feeling much more at ease now that your worry had calmed down. A quick look at the time told you that your shift had officially started, so you relieved your colleague, leaving you and Grey as the only ones left in the med center. You had thought that maybe he would fall asleep, but you still felt his eyes on you as you kept working.

Then, while you were typing up his medical chart, he whispered, “You wanna hear a secret, Doc?”

“What’s that, Grey?”

“If I wasn’t sick, I’d ask if it’s okay to kiss you.”

That made your eyes go wide and your fingers halted their tying on the datapad. You weren’t sure if it was his fever, the pain medicine, or a mixture of both making him even bolder than before, but this time, his comment was hard- or rather, impossible, to ignore. When you looked down at him over the pad, his eyes were fluttering again, the exhaustion of his fever and relief of the medicine kicking in making it harder to stay awake.

“Wanted…” he hummed, coughed once, then tried to look up at you only to close his eyes again. “...Have to get better at…flirting first…Then I’ll ask…”

Despite how easy it would be to pretend you didn’t hear or understand him, you found yourself answering him.

“Ask me when you’re healed up, Grey.”

You said it quietly, but there was an undeniable lift to the corner of his mouth before he finally drifted off to sleep.

Overall, you deeply disliked the way the troops were treated by the overseers of the GAR, but, one thing that you would give credit for, was that they actually provided their medical division with good supplies. Thanks to that, Grey was cleared of his illness quickly and didn't have any signs of lasting symptoms.

You wish you had been the one to give him his final check up and clear him for duty, but you weren’t. Instead you were stuck in a meeting that all head medics employed by the GAR had to sign into via holocomms.

Fortunately, it didn’t take long for him to seek you out.

Grey caught you late in the evening, a few hours after your meeting, standing in the hallway conversing with some of your newest staff. Respectful as always, he waited patiently for you to finish your talk, though your skin felt warm knowing his eyes were trained on you the whole time. Had he come to see you because of what you said about that kiss he seemed to want? No, no, he was half asleep, surely he was just there because he knew you wanted to see him all healed up.

Once the nurses finished with their last question and took their leave, you turned to the captain with a warm look. He looked as healthy as ever, skin his usual tanned tone, eyes bright, mind seeming alert and present.

“I see you’re back on your feet.”

“Thanks to you,” he said lightly as he took a few steps closer to you. He must have noted the late hour, because he asked, “Are you heading back to your quarters?” and when you nodded he seemed to straighten just a little, as if reading himself. “I’ll walk with you.”

“Alright,” you found your own tone a little teasing as you two started walking, “but if you start coughing again, you better listen to me when I tell you to go get it checked this time.”

He chuckled, “Don’t worry, cyare, I’ll make sure to listen to you next time.”

Again, he seemed to make your heart skip a beat with nothing but a simple endearment. At least you were able to compose yourself. “Good, I’m glad someone’s learning to listen to me around here.” Your tone had no bite to it, and you could tell Grey knew it with the way he flashed you a smirk.

Unlike the last time he had walked you to your door, you were much closer to your quarters this time and any conversation you two would have had couldn’t last long. You asked how he was feeling like any good friend would, and he told you he was fine, that you didn’t have to worry. He asked what your plans were when the ship landed on Coruscant and you were only half joking when you said “sleep”.

Then, just like the other night, when you two reached your door, he seemed to hesitate, something weighing on his mind. Except this time, he actually spoke up.

“So, I wanted to talk to you about something.” He looked over at you from the corners of his eyes and when you only looked back at him patiently, he went on. “I know I was feverish that first day in the med bay but…” he rolled his shoulders, “I heard what you said after I made that comment about wanting to kiss you.”

Your heart was suddenly acting as if it was competing in the galactic gymnastic championship, somersaulting in your chest and leaving a nervous heat to creep across your skin.

This time it was you who cleared your throat, “O-oh, you did?”

Finally, he turned his body to face you fully, his face set in determination. “Yeah, I did. And you should know that I might have rambled those things because I was sick, but I still meant every word of it.”

That caused your breath to hitch and you found yourself taking a step closer to him. “You did?”

At the soft, hopeful sound of your voice, his determined expression softened and now he was giving that cute, lopsided smile again. “I did. I really, really like you, have since the day you first stepped on board.” He let out a little laugh then, “I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve wanted to tell you that, or how many times I’ve wanted to ask to kiss you, but I’m not the best at flirting.”

“Oh I don’t know, you did alright the other day.”

That earned another small chuckle. You realized then that you were holding your breath, waiting for him to make good on what you said that day when you thought he was falling asleep.

It must have clicked for him too.

Grey’s eyes somehow softened more as he took another step closer and reached out his hand. Your breath hitched when his fingers gently brushed your cheek, then you held your breath altogether when his thumb ran over your bottom lip.

“Can I kiss you?”

The air held in your chest pushed out with a breathy, “Yes!”

And you saw his eye shining for only a moment before he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. It was light at first, a nearly feather-light touch that nevertheless took your breath away again. Then, he was tilting his head and slipping the hand at your cheek to cup the back of your neck instead. It was all too gentle, even when he started moving his lips against yours in a way that told you just how much he had been craving this moment.

Who knew how long the kiss went on, all that mattered was that your head was spinning by the time you two finally parted.

“Wow.” Both of you said it at the same time, which made you both laugh together too.

“If it leads to moments like this, maybe I should land myself in the med bay more often,” he winked.

You groaned at the thought, “Oh, please don’t, my heart couldn’t take it!”

Grey was chuckling again and this time, he slipped his hand to your waist and pulled you even closer to him. When he spoke again, his tone was deep, yet playfully intimate. “Then I guess I’ll have to find other ways to make your heart race.”

And you knew he would make good on that promise too.

#rare clone fic exchange #rare clone fic submission #tcw grey #captain grey #tcw captain grey #tbb grey #tbb captain grey #tbb grey x reader #captain grey x reader #x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader

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theonceandfuturequeenoftarts · 1 month

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I'll preface this by saying it's been a hot minute since I read the books, so there might be an easy answer and I'll be mildly ashamed but better informed.

But I don't see how Tom Riddle could have publicly (but covertly) announced the Heir of Slytherin was the one siccing the basilisk on muggleborns back in the 1940s and also claimed his heritage as a descendant of Slytherin, even if only within Slytherin house.

You're telling me that there wasn't a single Slytherin who wasn't under Tom's thumb or enamoured of him -- even for two consecutive hours -- who wouldn't have immediately ratted him out as part of a power play? Or who wouldn't have used it as blackmail at some point?

(And maybe it's fanon that he told the Knights of Walpurgis that he was the Heir of Slytherin? But I believe the implication was that Tom's change of status in his house is in large part because of the discovery of his ancestry.)

I know there's probably a "what happens in Slytherin stays in Slytherin" mentality at play, and the Heir of Slytherin means something significant to this group in particular, and that this is far from the only inconsistency regarding Tom's adolescence, and we've got a couple pretty unreliable narrators/interpreters presenting Tom's past.

But I simply cannot fathom that every single stuffy, bigoted pureblood in that house cowtowed to Tom, that upstart, no-name mudblood (well, halfblood) for the more than two years before he graduated. They all had two months away from Hogwarts shortly after Myrtle's death, too, during which they could have spread the information and made it more difficult for Tom to pin down who tattled. They have the power, due to their names and wealth -- with the correct pressure on the right person, Tom might have had his wand snapped and never returned to Hogwarts to take vengeance on them.

If he's ruling through fear while maintaining the perfect reputation facade, that's bound to create friction with whichever knight is on the outs at any particular time. Piss off enough people and at least one of them is bound to try to bite back, no matter how powerful Tom is nor how ill-advised the course of action.

If they're all so in awe of him that they wouldn't think to move against him, then why not assist him with a job or support after Hogwarts? It must pinch the purebloods to worship a lord who's working retail in the shady part of town for a pittance.

I dunno. I have issues with Tom's intelligence being very "told to the reader" rather than "shown." Whether as Tom or as Voldemort, he makes plenty of bad plans and decisions and sets up a lot of Batman gambits that work out for plot convenience as much as (or more than) the characters acting in-character. But this point in particular rankles because it could -- and should, based on the players -- fall apart so easily.

#flaky rambles #hp thoughts #tom riddle #overthinking #i've probably forgotten something that explains away all of my qualms #and i will look silly and wrong #that's life

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1moreff-creator · 10 months

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Is anyone still trying to figure out the final code on the MV? The one with (the world of abnormal sentiment dances)? No judgement, I have no idea what's going on with it either, but I'm surprised there's so little discussion of it. I’m making this post to share some observations, and some of the things I’ve tried as I go insane over this MV. Warning, don’t expect anything too revolutionary.

+First, the code doesn't have a direct parallel in the original LGI MV, so no clues there.

+But I did find something possibly peculiar. You know the "find the 'n'" bit that shows up right after it? Well, it's lifted straight from the original LGI video, but the symbol you're supposed to find there is somewhere else.

That's the equivalent from the og LGI.

And there's the n. It's in a completely different spot, which makes me wonder if it's somehow related to the code. The n does pretty much coincide with a number of the images. Here's a transcription of the numbers, with the numbers related to the n in blue (you should still check I didn't fuck anything up though). Italics and bold means I'm not completely sure about the number.

1 4 6 3 1 4 8 4 2 6 8

1 7 3 7 4 1 0 2 0 1 4

3 0 3 6 4 5 1 1 7 5 9

2 3 3 6 8 6 3 6 2 7 8

9 3 0 4 0 4 9 2 3 7 4

3 0 8 2 4 3 6 7 7 2 0

6 9 7 0 5 2 1 7 3 2 6

4 3 6 0 7 8 8 6 5 0 3

7 1 8 8 1 1 5 2 5 7 9

8 7 6 4 3 2 1 6 8 6 4

9 5 6 2 8 0 7 1 3 5 3

0 8 5 9 5 6 3 3 0 7 1

7 5 8 1 4 9 8 3 7 5 2

9 1 4 4 4 1 0 0 5 2 6

Does it mean anything? Hell if I know! I have no idea how any of this works!

+Perhaps a more out there possibility is the changed alphabet. I've mentioned it before, but there's a point in the David MV where a modified alphabet shows up.

In case you can't tell, not only are letters listed in both capital and non-capital form, the alphabet ends W-U-X instead of W-X-Y-Z. This changed alphabet is not in the original LGI.

This is the equivalent scene. You can see it's perfectly fine, and as far as I can tell (aka: zero Japanese, just the translation and vibes) the letters aren't listed twice. And this is the video the David MV is based on, there are a lot of similarities.

This would imply, in my mind at least, that the alphabet was changed for a reason. I've seen it interpreted as another sign David doesn't see himself as human, as he doesn't even use the same alphabet, but it feels like a weird way to go about showing that to me.

So, uh, if you're trying something, and some words don't look right, maybe this can help?

+I have no idea what footnote 14 is supposed to be. "Hint: word length of 256". I've seen it suggested that it relates back to Hamlet's "To be or not to be" thing, but... while I think I did see one source with 256 words once, the word count is highly inconsistent throughout the internet, and almost none of them have it as 256 words. I checked with wordcounter.net.

-Wikipedia: 275 words.

-Poetry Foundation: 259 words.

-Poets.org: 276 words.

-Nosweatshakespeare: 275 words.

-Representative Poetry Online: 265 words

-Shakespeare Resource Center: 261 words.

-Litcharts: 273 words.

See the issue here? And now I don't have any idea what footnote 14 is. Here's some other things that it isn't.

+Literature Girl Insane: >256 words.

+Colored lyrics in the MV: ~190 words

+Lemon: Way more than 256 words

+The part of lemon in the MV: 113 words.

+The defense of Socrates: Way more than 256 words.

+The defense of Socrates, but only the part in the MV, and extended to the next end of sentence: I want to cry. 257 words. 257. One off. Why? Why are you like this? Please, someone check the fucking text and tell me I accidentally pasted in a word I shouldn't have. PLEASE-

+That part of the Little Prince in that one part before the tally 5 code: 198 words.

+Undefeated by the Rain poem: 139 words (in English Wikipedia, or 180, in the English translation found in Spanish Wikipedia, because my life can't just be easy so apparently the English version of the poem is different in different languages of Wikipedia what-)

+Just the correct/incorrect code: The most is 247 characters, if you include "correct13" and "incorrect".

+Yamanashi, the story "kapukapu" comes from: Thousands of words.

I didn't check anything else, but I can't for the life of me find what this is referring to. And it feels important, seeing as it's on the goddamn equal sign. Maybe it’s one of those excerpts from that part of the MV right before the “correct/incorrect” code? I don’t know.

If it helps, I’m pretty sure the code’s going to translate to something related to Xander, seeing as his numeral flashes on screen right before that. And because of that, it’s possible this 256 word thing refers to some kind of revolutionary speech or text or something the like.

How would the footnote matter? Well, you know the ampersand symbol (&) that shows up between the numbers?

Maybe, if we put the numbers on both rows together:

14 43 66 30 17 48 88 46 25 60 83

17 71 38 78 41 11 05 22 05 17 49

38 07 36 64 43 52 11 16 78 56 94

29 35 36 62 88 60 37 61 23 75 83

90 38 05 49 05 46 93 23 30 77 41

37 05 88 21 44 39 68 73 77 25 02

69 91 74 04 54 21 10 70 35 22 66

Then reference whatever text is 256 words long, we can assign each number a word. Possibly, we would only start where the n appears, just to give that some meaning.

Like, here's what you get if you do that with the Wikipedia version of "To be or not to be", starting with the 05 the n represents (starting from the beginning gives you a completely nonsensical message, I didn't even go all the way).

to - sleep - to - and - dream - of - against - to - die - opposing - to - that - and - no - them - consummation - to - to - fortune - be - devoutly - death - die - not - the - and - question - to - and - arrows - ‘tis

Like, that almost sounds like it works, but obviously we would need to find the actual text of 256 words, which isn’t the Wikipedia version of the Hamlet speech. I also tried with the Socrates text, but I don't think it works (from the n you get, like, "O - but - O - word - ashamed", and that's going to be in there even if you start from the beginning).

I also tried some kind of alphabet cypher thing, both with the regular alphabet and with the modified alphabet, and while I would like second opinions on account of my skill issues, I didn’t get anything.

If that’s not what the ampersand is for, here's what you get if you add the numbers together instead of just putting them next to each other:

5 7 12 3 8 12 16 10 7 6 11

8 8 11 15 5 2 5 4 5 8 13

11 7 9 10 7 7 2 7 15 11 13

11 8 9 8 16 6 10 7 5 12 11

9 11 5 13 5 10 12 5 3 14 5

10 5 16 3 8 12 14 10 14 7 2

15 10 11 4 9 3 1 7 8 4 12

It looks like it could be translated to hex almost perfectly, with the 16s possibly just translated to 10s, but I don't know what to do with it. I tried converting to hex and just putting it in as a Tumblr image URL, but nothing. Though there’s a chance I just didn’t do it right, I guess. I even took the first part up to the "n" and put it in th goddamn tally 5 page just in case it did something, but no. I tried the "word association" thing with the Hamlet thing as well, but nothing. Also tried alphabet cypher, even with the modified alphabet, and nothing. But again, any cypher cracking I tried to do should be taken with a grain of salt, since I’m a bit of an idiot at it.

One thing I didn’t do, simply because I don’t know how to, is try to use column cyphers. You can look them up and try them yourself, but I sorta doubt that’s the answer.

Finally, it’s a possibility “world length of 256” is actually some kind of cypher key. Like, not whatever it’s referencing, just “word length of 256” as a key. I severely doubt it, but if anyone wants to try it, be my guest.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, I kinda just wanted to tell someone, I guess. I’m going insane over most of the MV anyways, might as well share a bit of the madness. Also because of the content drought caused by me working on the MV video which is coming I promise but it’s going to take a while-

Anyways, thanks for reading my inane ramblings for so long! Take care!

#drdt #danganronpa despair time #drdt mv #can you even call this a theory?#it’s just a series of failures #like my life #/j

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stranger-rants · 11 months

Text

Runaway Max Annotation Series

This is part of a series I am doing on Runaway Max by Brenna Yovanoff. To see previous posts including the annotation guide, check the [#rm annotations] tag on my blog. These posts will follow the general formula of summary, annotations, quotes, and any thoughts or analysis I want to provide based on my own interpretation of the text. You can use my posts as references in fandom discussions.

Runaway Max Chapter Two

Max and Billy experience their first day of school. Max talks about her life back in San Diego, and why she tried to run away to L.A. to be with her dad.

Annotations:

1) Background

Their first day of school was "a Tuesday, more than a month after school already started," which means they started school mid-October. Max had friends in San Diego named Ben, Eddie, and Nate. She didn't have female friends.

2) Family Context

Max ran away to stay with her dad in L.A. after she had been told that they were moving to Hawkins. Susan views her ex-husband as wasting his smarts on irresponsible things and inconsistent work. He did some illegal jobs here and there, and he lives in a dingy apartment.

3) Unreliable Statements / Limited P.O.V.

Max says that she thinks having Billy around is making Susan crazy, but there's little to no context explaining why she thinks this. Susan is getting them ready for school, and Billy doesn't say or do much of anything to combat this.

4) Evidence of Abuse / Neglect

Neil is the one making them move. Max thinks that Susan is just going along with it. Max's father is not a responsible parent. He is often late in picking her up and frequently falls asleep in front of the T.V. Susan doesn't trust him to take care of Max, which begs the question - why would she trust Billy to take care of Max?

6) Max & Billy Relationship

There isn't much antagonism between them in this chapter which is odd given the supposed circumstances that lead to the move not yet revealed or even hinted at early in the novel. Instead, there is an attempt at solidarity in being pissed off about the move - Billy says Hawkins sucks and says, "I bet you're already planning your next jailbreak right?"

7) Valuable Insights

Susan and Max disagree greatly on how a young girl should dress and act.

8) Billy's Characterization

Billy is enraged by the move. Max says he "lost it" when he found out, but he expresses this mostly by keeping to himself. He blasts his music in his room and refuses to eat dinner with the family. Billy is told by Susan to drive Max to the middle school and walk in with her to make sure she gets what she needs. Billy drops her off, refusing to go in.

Quote(s):

Billy rolled his head sideways to look at me. "But I don't want to, Max. They're not paying me to babysit you. If you don't like it, maybe tomorrow you can walk."

This chapter reveals just how poorly planned this book is because there's not a drop of a hint of a piece of evidence as to why the family moved to Hawkins, even though fans adamantly use this book as evidence that the move was all Billy's fault. There is no hint that Billy blames Max or that Max blames Billy for it.

I know that later information contradicts this by putting blame on Billy's violence, but information that is revealed later on isn't meant to contradict the entire tone of a chapter but rather enhance it. The feeling the reader gets from this chapter is that Max and Billy didn't want to move, and they're unhappy in Hawkins.

Not that they're ready to kill each other over it.

I am endlessly fascinated that Max's mom doesn't want Max around her father because he's "irresponsible" but then turns around and expects her step son to babysit Max for free. It's his first day, too, and she expects him to not only drive her to school but check her in when he has to do that for himself when he gets to the high school.

Billy explains himself clearly and logically to Max as to why he's not going to do what Susan wants him to do, and you know what? He's right. Not only that, but Max is perfectly capable of checking herself in. The statement that Billy is "driving Susan crazy" is also random and lacking context, making Billy out to be the "bad guy" for being an annoyed teenager.

This doesn't mean that Billy hasn't done anything to piss her off or drive her crazy, but there is absolutely no context for the statement that explains what he's saying or doing that's so wrong. I cannot emphasize enough that statements are just made about Billy with little to no detail backing them up, so the reader is just expected to believe Max.

Max was also unlikeable in this chapter for one main reason - the "I'm not like other girls" attitude she carries. It's fine that she doesn't vibe with femininity in the way that her mother expects her too, but she puts herself above other girls in many ways to make herself "different" from them. She is a child, though, so this can change over time.

Back to Susan... Again. I have to say this again.

If Susan really doesn't trust Max's father to take care of her, it makes no narrative sense to expect Billy, her step son who she supposedly can't stand, to be Max's babysitter. It's irresponsible. If she wants Max checked in at school, she can do it herself because that's certainly not Billy's job when he also has school to go to.

The main thing we learn about Billy is that Billy is basically parentified and somehow that makes him the bad guy.

#rm annotations #runaway max #billy hargrove #susan mayfield #billy & max

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