F1 Drivers as The Tortured Poets Department Lyrics: Max Verstappen as "Who's afraid of little old me?", Nico Rosberg + Lewis Hamilton as "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived", Fernando Alonso as "Florida!!!". Inspired by @valyrfia 's post

f1 parallels - chinese gp edition

Sebastian Vettel takes the first Red Bull Racing pole position after qualifying for the Chinese Formula One Grand Prix at the Shanghai International Circuit on April 18, 2009. Alonso arrives second and Webber third.

Max Verstappen takes the 100th Red Bull Racing pole position after qualifying for the Chinese Formula One Grand Prix at the Shanghai International Circuit on April 20, 2024. Perez arrives second and Alonso third.

f1 drivers as tracks from the tortured poets department: a very abridged and very biased list.

DISCLAIMER: this is all for fun and should be taken very lightheartedly. Not all drivers were included, but I am open to suggestions as well as constructive criticism.

Without further ado:

CHARLES LECLERC - I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

Absolutely suicidal lyrics that should be mildly concerning but all in all very upbeat and makes you want to run around doing side quests. Such as write an album, or open an ice cream shop. I'm thinking this is specifically 2022 Charles when he trusted no one at Ferrari, or mid-2023 when everyone was calling him washed and calling for his teammate to be n1 driver, and then he proceeded to put it on pole in a tractor multiple times and still hasn't finished outside the top 5 since. Either way, I am looking forward how this song will hit when Charles gets his eventual championship.

MAX VERSTAPPEN - Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?

This one is for Mad Max, who was thrust onto the world stage as an untested young prodigy at seventeen, who was called too young and immature and proceeded to win a GP upon debut in a top team, who was called Crashtappen from 2015-2019 and labelled as overly aggressive to his detriment, who was painted as a villain by every media outlet and documentary and DTS episode, who said "fuck the haters" and won championships anyway, who broke records, and made his own national anthem the expected song for every podium. A driver who is fast approaching greatest of all time status, for his win streaks alone. A driver that most others now just shrug about, because there's no shame in not choosing to fight the inevitable.

LEWIS HAMILTON - So Long, London

Ah, the heart-wrenching track of letting go of your long-term British relationship that doesn't serve you anymore. So many lyrics from here I could apply to the rumoured break down of amicable relations between Lewis and Mercedes, the team he won six championships with. From "My spine split from carrying us up the hill" to "I didn't opt in to be your odd man out. I founded the club she's heard great things about" to "you say I abandoned the ship But I was going down with it. My white-knuckle dying grip. Holding tight to your quiet resentment". Honestly, I could copy and paste all the lyrics here and they would apply to Lewis' Merc swan song. Taylor wrote "you swore that you loved me but where were the clues, I died on the altar waiting for the proof." about Abu Dhabi 2021.

CARLOS SAINZ - The Prophecy

Carlos has been delivering some of the best drives of his career this season, but it doesn't matter because he's not the chosen one, he's not il predestinato, he's not the son of Maranello. No matter what he does, he would never have kept that Ferrari seat over the mythos of Charles Leclerc. "Let it once be me. Who do I have to speak to, to redo the prophecy?"

LANDO NORRIS - Guilty as Sin?

Specifically given for half-flirting with Red Bull for most of last season, only to shake himself out of it and re-sign with McLaren, but I have one eye on him, not entirely sure he's given up on the Red Bull daydream, and Red Bull have been open about wanting to get him, if they can. It's all on Lando to stay faithful.

OSCAR PIASTRI - Fresh Out the Slammer

Piastrigate continues to inspire and compel an entire generation of F1 fans, and as such should form the basis of Oscar's song selection. What was the promises that Alpine made him, if not "Gray and blue and fights and tunnels Handcuffed to the spell I was under For just one hour of sunshine"

FERNANDO ALONSO - Florida!!!

Florida!!! is a big and powerful song about being a Shakespearean villain with a History and questionable morals and motives. Who is that if not Fernando Alonso? "Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable." "Is that a bad thing to say in a song?"

LANCE STROLL - But Daddy I Love Him

Yeah this one is self-indulgent and too good to resist. He's singing it about Fernando btw. Next.

DANIEL RICCIARDO - Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

Someone is getting that Red Bull seat next year, and every name is on the list except Daniel Ricciardo. "As the decade played us for fools, you saw my bones out with somebody new." Who knows what would have happened if Daniel hadn't left Red Bull, all those years ago? "Just say you loved me the way you were" Oof. We could spend years living in the What Ifs of it all.

Does anyone know when exactly Victoria stopped running Max's social media accounts? I know she was running it around 2017/18 and I can guess she probably passed his socials to a media team around when her and Max + team were starting unleash the lion (I want to say around 2020), but that means that there's the slim possibility that she was the one running Max's accounts when the great lestappen unfollowing of Austria 2019 occurred. Which also means she may have been the one who noticed Charles unfollowed Max, and while Max remained completely oblivious, Victoria was the one who pressed the unfollow button in retaliation lmao. I don't know why I find this scenario so funny, especially when there's no evidence for it, but it's killing me to imagine lmao especially when imagining her reaction being something like this:

The reason why they don't follow each other lmao, I still cackle thinking of Charles - literally on Max's freaking plane going home to Monaco after Austria 2019 - looking over at Max to see if he noticed that he'd unfollowed him.

(this point from a post of yours btw)

is there any proof to that point? i'm genuinely asking

Hi Anon,

So I don't have any screenshotted proof from this pre & post Austria 2019 era myself, but maybe another blog does (I've only been active myself in f1 tumblr since 2021, despite following the sport my entire life and looking over the tags every so often before setting up my blog here) so I'll throw this in the tags so if someone does have that type of evidence, they can add it here.

Here's what we do know and have evidence for;

We do know that Max and Charles did follow each other on their various social media platforms until circa 2019, as - (if you scroll back far enough) - you can see different interactions between them pre 2019, pre Austria specifically. [Unrelated note: the unhingedness of them and the rest of the then teenaged members of the grid at this point of time is beyond hilarious. Genuinely, if you have the time it's worth the scrolling because they're such teenage boys tm it's ridiculous, and we kinda forget how long their lives have been interconnected, and it's before they got proper pr training and before certain drivers - most recognisably Max - gave their socials to a media team to run. There was a good period of time around 2017/18 when Victoria, his sister, ran his accounts as well as he wanted to include her in his team, before a proper media team took over. Objectively, the idea of Victoria noticing Charles unfollowed Max and then being the one to unfollow Charles in response, while Max remains oblivious to the entire situation is killing me lmao].

Now we do definitely know that they shared the flight home from Austria as during press after the race, Max was asked if things were going to be awkward with Charles now and he was essentially like "??? We're literally sharing a flight home???" This was Max's "It was just an inchident" ngl. Meanwhile, this was Charles on the podium:

... so he certainly did not share the same sentiment. It was his "it's just unfair" era. You can see a clear difference in Charles' driving post Austria, he started taking more risks and was more aggressive afterwards, because he felt if max was allowed to take risks and be aggressive, so was he. In the story of Charles' racing career, Austria 2019 is a significant race in his journey, even though it wasn't the win he wanted it to be. He would win his first two races in the aftermath of it.

It would not be the first or last time Charles would pettily unfollow someone on the grid after feeling he had been dirty by them and/or the FIA. In 2021, he followed every driver on the grid bar Max and would unfollow Valterri after what Charles dubbed the bowling incident in Hungary. While Bottas caused the main chaos of that opening lap, Stroll was the one who actually took Charles out of the race, but Lance has Charles following him as of 2024. Bottas also may have been unfollowed because of his preference of being as little clothed as possible in his insta posts lmao, but Charles did follow him before Hungary 2021 and quickly unfollowed afterwards.

I hope this provides some help, anon. And I'm sorry that I don't have the relevant screenshots to validate and accurately fact check this section of lestappen lore.

Enjoy resigning Fernando announcement, I hope it makes you very happy. Dear Lord, what a sad little life, Aston Martin. You ruined my silly season completely, so you could confirm Fernando would keep his seat. But I hope now you spend it on some lessons in grace and decorum, because you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on.

a certain sky sports commentator calling charles "depressed" and "emotional" at suzuka out of all places while he's literally wearing a helmet to honor his godfather who lost his life there is... surely a choice

Catching up an the gp, will hopefully catch a proper replay later but I just wanted to say:

1, fuck anyone who manifests a driver dnfing or crashing out. George's crash today was fucking terrifying. Most of you don't remember a time when it was common for drivers to be seriously injured or even killed in huge crashes. To wish another driver to be injured or even killed is beyond vile. You do not want to be watching when the worst happens. Trust me on that front. I keep having to come back to this, I've made dozens of posts saying the same thing, but I'm going to say it again; Be fucking decent people, it's the bare fucking minimum.

2. If your favourite driver did well but you're celebrating more ovrr a driver you don't like dnfing... Do you actually like your so-called favourite driver? Genuinely asking here

3, Max is p1 and Charles is p2 in wdc, which is a win for me. Red bull fix the cars, Ferrari don't Ferrari I beg.

Oh, Charles... your memory isn't bad. It's just selective. 🥺

Saudi Arabia 2024 // Val d'Argenton 2012

They got him... 😭😭

Ngl glad Seb retired before y'all could grid granddad him and further flanderize him

❤❤💙

he wants the verstussy so bad it makes him look silly

2024 L'Équipe Interview, "I always need to improve."

This fascinating dive into the heart of a champion's life, through his words, reveals the warm and endearing man described by those who know him intimately. A 26-year-old man, different from the one we have become accustomed to seeing over the years, this wild and cold beast who leaves no room for improvisation and feeling.

At your press briefing, you said you'd rather talk about your car than non-sporting problems. So, how is this RB20? It's great. I felt comfortable in it straight away. I'd say it was more of an evolution, an improvement on the previous car.

Is that so? Despite all the exterior changes, are your driving feelings close to those of last year? It's even a little better, a little more natural. And that's great.

Did you feel it as soon as you got into the car during winter testing? You can never be sure right from the first run, but I could see from the start that it was well balanced and, above all, that I could set a good time straight away. That's a sign that the car will be fast! After that, you have to know where the competition stands. We don't know how the others have worked.

Did you have the same feeling with the RB19 in early 2023? Pretty much, yes. There were a couple of things to sort out, but nothing dramatic.

Of all the Red Bulls you've driven driven since 2016, is there one that you like the most? The most fun were those of the previous generation (before the 2022 ground effect regulations).

The one from 2021? Exactly (his face lights up). The car was great, it was responsive. Today, they've become heavy, wide and long.

But do you like them all the same? When you're driving the best car on the grid, when it's a Formula 1 car, of course (he laughs).

Weren't those 2021 cars a little on the edge? Didn't they force you to make mistakes sometimes? (He reflects.) No, I don't think so. We managed to make the most of it, and then there was this philosophy, this way of to make it sharper (his hand mimics the diving single-seater like Red Bull used to design its single-seaters). I loved it.

Are you having more trouble today? (He smiles.) No… I don't care. I can adapt. But these 2021 cars, they went faster through the slow corners, they moved better. I was having more fun.

When they say you can drive any car, what would you do at the wheel of a Haas (last team in the standings last year)? (He smiles.) I don't think I'd win a race.

Not even a podium? Normally not (he reflects). Probably not. But I'd try do a better job than anyone else, that's for sure. After that, if the car is slow, it's slow.

It seems that since the advent of ground effect cars, you've been unbeatable. Do these single-seaters require special driving techniques and do you adapt better to them? I don't think so. If I'm successful, it's because I've got a great team around me who have built these fabulous cars. We had a bit of trouble getting back to the top with the old generation, but by 2021, we'd figured it out. And by 2022, things were looking up.

So, no change in style? Of course not. The cars have changed, and so have the tires. But we're adapting.

In what way? The car is heavier so I can't rely on it as much. The tires are wider, which means less visibility. The suspensions are so hard that we have to work on a new way of attacking the curbs.

Does that take time? Yes, it does. But it's the same for everyone.

Last week, Pierre Waché, the designer of the RB20, told us he really appreciated your technical feedback, that it allowed the team to progress. What do you have to ask him today, when you crushed the first race? Every car has its weaknesses and it takes time to overcome them. We haven't driven on enough tracks yet to tell you. Last year, it was the street circuits. This year, I'll tell you later, but I'd say they're details.

You give the impression of always having had a steering wheel in your hands. What's your first memory? (Instantly.) I was 3 years old and rode a mini moto.

And in a car? In August 2013, in Wales, on a Formula Renault 2-liter on the Pembrey circuit. It was my first experience in a single-seater. Something very different from karting. It took me a while to adjust my behavior and reflexes. I had no experience of tires, especially as it was raining. It was raining hard. The first few laps were a bit hard, and I spun a few times, but after that I had a blast. I had Michelin tyres which are excellent in these conditions. I just loved it.

Everything seems easy when you talk about driving. I was lucky enough to have a father who helped me a lot and gave me lots of advice. And the best thing was to let myself go and find the limit of the car.

Do you think your success can be explained by the talent or hard work you've put in to progress? Some people are more gifted than others. It's the same in soccer. The first day I drove a go-kart, I smiled (his eyes sparkle). And I haven't stopped since. The helmet (he mimes putting it on), I didn't take it off all day. I knew it was what I wanted to do.

This winter, you went GT racing with your father. Can't you stop stop driving? It's my passion. I also love the simulator. It's important because by changing cars all the time, you can adapt more quickly to the changes in F1. I need to try things out; I always need to improve. And I love making a car go faster (he smiles).

Alain Prost confided to us that his last year in F1, in 1993, was a very tense one, when he was favourite for the title with the best car in the field. Now, for your fourth title, you find yourself in a similar situation. How do you see this season? I'm not asking myself that question. If I don't win, I look for the reason why. Is it my fault? Then I'll correct the mistake. It's not my fault, so I'm going to help the team improve our performance. You can never win it all.

Is that why your duel with Lewis Hamilton in 2021 will surely go down as one of the greatest seasons in Formula 1 history? I know you're not going to agree with me (he smiles). But, in my eyes, the best was last year. People saw it as a one-sided domination, but you don't measure the degree of involvement of every member of the team in achieving this amazing result (21 wins out of a possible 22 for Red Bull, 19 for Verstappen). It's something I'm very proud of. It must have seemed boring to some people, but I don't care (his hands make a helpless gesture). I'm here to judge my performance and that of the team. And 2023 was the best season ever. The 2021 season doesn't even come close.

Translated via DeepL

As @nco05 brought to my attention, Fernando became a world champion for the first time the year Ollie was born. He actually finished second in the Spanish grand prix on the day Ollie was born. Oscar was born the year Fernando debuted, just a few weeks before Oscar came into the world he lined up on the grid for the first time alongside Kimi. Fernando was the only driver poster Max had on his wall. Ollie has revealed that Seb, one of his heroes that he grew up watching, texted him wishing him luck before the race. There's photos of a baby faced Lando meeting Seb for the first time nearly a decade before they'd meet again to line up on the grid together. The same with George and Lewis. The likes of Carlos, Charles to even Seb met Michael as kids and were in complete awe of him. To Max, Michael was Uncle Michael first, f1 legend second. There's countless stories, coincidences, invisible strings of fate. Many I didn't even mention, some we probably don't know yet. Fernando and Lewis are now the oldest drivers on the grid, Lewis was once his rookie teammate. The passage of time, the passing of the torch. Heroes change from the likes of Senna and Prost, to Schumacher to Vettel, Alonso, Hamilton and more, one day the drivers we see now will be the heroes, the legends. Max is the first driver born in the 90s to win a race and a world championship. Senna had passed years before he was born. Oscar is the first driver born in the 2000s to get a podium, a new millennia of drivers will follow him soon. The passing of the torch in real time. They're both the dreamers and the dream.

The passage of time and the passing of the torch...

Ollie Bearman is like the main character in an early-mid 2000s Disney Channel original movie or show because how how is he p10 in the world drivers championship and returning to F2 next race, it's like he's Hannah Montana/Miley Stewart living a double life lmfao