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fancyfade · 3 years

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Okay, a lonely place of dying thoughts. This will be long

So, I just finished re-reading a lonely place of dying. before I get to far into it: This is specifically to analyze the way the character and information is presented to the reader. It’s not to say “so and so is a bad character” or “this is a bad plotline”.

Starting off: they were definitely playing it super safe for the comic reader when they introduced Tim. It feels as if he is introduced literally as an audience avatar. For a large portion of the time before we meet him, we literally are seeing through his eyes -- the panel is positioned so that we would be at his head height, looking at whatever he’s looking at. we never see him except for his hands (so the audience can presumably imagine themselves in his shoes).

this isn’t the way they usually frame unknown characters or characters whose identity is obscured to create an air of mystery -- and there’s an excellent comparison in this same plotline, because there is a character with their identity obscured, who was framed a different way

[image: first two panels are of two face, who is wearing a trench coat and a fedora that casts a shadodw and obscures his face so we cannot tell who he is. His face is completely in shadow. he is talking to someone behind him. he says "Tomorrow. The zwei brothers warehouse. Two am. Now go back to your wife. the fat lady's about to sing." in the next panel, we see him from behind. the back of his head is entirely in shadow to avoid giving us any hints as to who he is. the man he's talking to, Gerry sky, says "whatever it is -- later." two face says "now. 'payroll activation'" and gerry says "okay, okay -- now."

next there's a panel with the dialogue whited out. We still see two face, wearing gloves and having nearly all of his skin (except for his face, which is always in shadow) covered. First we look at him from above and he is small against a dark room with a bookshelf in the background. Then there's a closeup of only his gloved hand as he turns off the radio. We see him from behind (thighs up) as he stands in front of a window, then another shot of his gloved hand trying to touch the radio. and both his hands clench in fists. He hits the radio, breaking it (his body is still off screen except for his arm and hand) and then at his feet we see the broken radio. end image]

end image/begin commentary - Framing of two face on panel

Notice: The presumed “camera angle” is dynamic around Two face. We see him from multiple angles -- from both in front and behind. When we are looking at the same thing he's looking at, we are positioned behind him, like we're looking over his shoulder. the close ups on his hand are not positioned as if he's looking at his own hand and we are in his head pay special attention to the panel he's adjusting the radio on and the fourth panel of the page -- we're looking from the side of him or from behind him and under his elbow there.

Two face is our mysterious bad guy. This is how they visually frame a character they want an air of mystery around.

compare that to the framing around tim

[image: first, we are looking through a camera that is continuously taking pictures of Batman as he stumbles down a slide, walks shakily to his batmobile, and takes off. then the camera is lowered (we see the hand that is lowering the camera in the view, it is below us as if we were looking through this person's eyes) and put inside a duffle bag. after that, we see something in the conrer of the screen -- an arm wearing a jacket?) and puddles of blood, then a bike tire -- but not the rest of the bike, which is off panel -- cutting through the puddles of blood. next pages shows a bunch of internal monologue that has been blockedo ut. a series of batman and robin pictures from the newspapers and a picture of batman swinging on a line in a scrap book. (in the first panel, batman and robin looking victorious in pictures, the second panel some headlines: “batman attacks mom” and “batman on the rampage” and “batman collars dope ring”. the third a picture of reporters interviewing gordon captioned with “batman batters bandits”. we can see the hand grabbing this picture as if we were holding it.

then we appear to be behind whoever is on the page, looking at his elbow, as he opens up a drawer, then we're back "inside" his head again as he holds up a photo with the graysons (john, dick, mary) and the drakes (tim and his parents). 3 year old tim is sitting on 12 year old dick's leg. end image]

end image/begin commentary - Framing of Tim in Panel

okay sorry forgive me but this is fucking fascinating in my opinion. Notice that for two face, most of the close ups on his hands were specifically away from his point of view -- we weren’t positioned where his eyes were, but looking from the outside in.

For tim, we’re almost always looking through his eyes, contrasting to two face

and for tim, even when we were not looking through his eyes, in the very first page, he wasn’t even on panel -- we knew nothing about him, we just saw the edge of his bike. the second page we saw a bit of his arm but we never zoom out far enough to see his whole body and definitely not his face -- even if it would be obscured by shadow.

The first read through, I assumed they were going for an air of mystery, but the contrast between how they handle two face and tim to me makes it clear that they weren’t -- it might have been an unintended side effect, or a bonus effect, but it wasn’t the main purpose. The audience is literally viewing most of the panels Tim is in through Tim’s eyes. He is almost literally an audience avatar.

My general hypothesis here (which I think I am supplying proof of) is that Tim is intended to be an avatar in universe for the “average comic reader" (with some assumptions made by the writer about the average comic reader re: race, age, gender, socioeconomic class)

For more support of this, let’s see how Tim talks about batman and robin --

[image: 3 comic panels from batman 440 featuring newspaper clippings (in the first panel, batman and robin looking victorious in pictures, the second panel some headlines: “batman attacks mom” and “batman on the rampage” and “batman collars dope ring”. the third a picture of reporters interviewing gordon captioned with “batman batters bandits”. there is internal monologue from (the framing of the scene implies tim drake, but at this point he is unknown to the audience) reading “He seemed happier with dick. Now, I guess it’s like he just doesn’t care. But I want him to care again. I want him to be the batman I remember.” then, we have panels from the new titans 61 dick, as nightwing, is reaching in to talk to tim. he grabs tim's arm. dick says, “I don't believe this. that man raised me. I've gone through hell with him and because of him. Don't lecture me about him until you've cared for him and loved him as long as I have”. dick puts his helmet on and drives off on his bike. before leaving, he says "when jason died, he took robin with him." Tim cries and calls after him: "I... I was only thinking of the team... of what Batman and Robin meant! You can't let a legend die like that, Dick..." end image]

end image/begin comment - Tim’s perception of Batman & Robin

Notice in the first panels (with the newspaper clippings) that Tim is reminiscent, he specifically talks about ‘teh batman and robin’ that he remembers. The narrative puts more significance for tim on the fact that batman is not happy and he is not the batman tim remembers, rather than the fact that batman is beating people nearly to death (tim notices this, and it seems to be a “because batman is so clearly sad” thing -- which this is not I believe intended to be a commentary on tim’s priorities, since the general narrative seems to be using bruce’s ultra-violence as a sign he’s angsty).

Then, compare dick’s reaction to bruce with Tim’s.

Dick’s connection to Bruce is extremely personal. Bruce, Batman, whatever, is his dad and raised him and, like he said, put him through hell sometimes. His connection to Jason’s death is similarly personal.

Tim’s connection to Batman and Robin is extremely abstract and idealized. He is thinking of them as, say, a comics reader might think of them. As a crimefighting team who are not together anymore, and this is bad.

this is just bulletpoint 2 in “tim is supposed to represent the audience”, not intending to be a condemnation of tim.

Thirdly

[image: first, a comic panel from Batman 440 showing a close up of Tim’s hand as he reads a paper and him thinking ‘No! the haly circus is closing?’ then, a series of comic panels from the new titans # 60. first, we see mr haly (off screen) and his cigar (on screen) as haly gestures at a photo of the flying grayson's on the wall. then he says "Yeah. Cost us a fortune and brought down our selling price. You know, sometimes I sit here and just remember the good old days. We were barely breaking even back then, too -- but man, were we having fun. then, we see dick grayson wearing jeans and a red shirt, walking through the circus ground. first, he looks kind of dejected and his hands are in his pockets. the narration box reads "he leaves, trying to reconcile the past and the present. Kids grow up and change. but why should everything do the same? The animal cages stink with waste. Was it always this way? At times like now, he wishes for never-never land." then, dick turns as he hears something and says "Hunh? That scream?" end image]

end image/begin comment - Nostalgia as a Theme

Nostalgia is an EXTREMELY strong theme in this comic. Batman is different, he’s not like he used to be. Haley’s circus is different and at risk, but Dick goes back and meets the performers he used to know -- some are still the same, some are in a more rough situation (alcoholic clown). Someone’s trying to kill his friends in the circus, it’s not really a place of childhood innocence for Dick. Dick explicitly wishes to be in never-never land (the imaginary far off place where you never grow up)

How things should be -- both in Tim’s mind and Dick’s mind, Haly’s mind -- is the idealistic past, but we clearly can’t go back to it -- Dick says that the first thing Bruce taught him was how to grow up.

Next bulletpoint:

[image: first are some comic panels showing Tim Drake talking to Dick Grayson and Alfred Pennyworth in wayne manor. Tim says “You know, since I was able to read, I clipped every article I could about Batman and Robin. Heck, I used to fantasize about what it would be like to be robin. I study hard. I get mostly A’s. I work out. I’m no circus acrobat, but I’m pretty good, I guess. But mostly, I read aobut you two. You’ve both been so important to me in so many ways. And when I see that without Robin Batman is going off hte deep end, I know there’s serious trouble.” next, we see Dick stepping forward and talking to Tim. he says "But you haven't told me anything I don't already know. I want the rest of it. All of it." end image]

end image/ begin commentary - textually a fanboy

Textually, Tim is presented as a Batman and Robin fanboy -- that’s how he found Batman’s secret identity (link)

He studies Batman and Robin from afar. He reads about them. Kind of like a comics reader would. he wants to be Robin. Again, superhero comics have some wish fulfillment element and definitely wanting to imagine yourself in a character’s shoes is an appeal for many fans. Tim wanted to imagine himself in robin’s shoes and fantasized about being him -- there’s kind of two layers here, one is the presumed audience member reading tim, wanting to imagine themselves in his shoes as he interacts with his heroes, the other is tim, who wanted to imagine himself in dick’s shoes.

re: the second posted image in this set: Tim hasn’t told dick anything that dick doesn’t know, because tim doesn’t know anything dick doesn’t know -- he is the comic reader here. That’s also why he’s so up-to-date on all of the other comic character’s stuff -- we see him list off all of the teen titans, he talks about jason’s death casually, he knows that alfred is batman’s confident -- he pretty much has all of the information that a reader of DC comics would have if they just got beamed into the DC universe at this point.

[image: first, two panels, one showing tim smiling and thinking "Wow! And I thought Harry did it. Man, Dick is good". tehn we see dick holding some photos and talking ot tim, who is at his bike. dick says "These pictures, two face is back in town, isn't he?" Tim says "You can tell, just from them? Wow! You're even better than I thought." the next scene is in the batcave. Dick is nightwing and is about to leave on his motor cycle, alfred and tim are behind him. tim says "no, not nightwing, Dick. don't you understand -- Batman needs Robin!" he turns to look at alfred and says "Doesn't anyone understand?" Alfred says "Perhaps, young man. Perhaps master Dick understands profoundly -- perhaps that is why he brought you here." tim looks surprised. end image]

end image/begin commentary: The old robin’s approval

another very important thing here: DC plays it as safe as possible with tim’s introduction, trying to make the audience like him, and one is definitely establishing that Tim both looks up to dick and thinks he’s cool (first two panels) and that he has dick’s presumed approval/blessing to be robin (last three panels). it’s also important to note that while tim is portrayed as competent, he never shows up Batman and Nightwing -- he rescues them because two-face lured them into an expert trap, but he doesn’t outdo either of them on fighting or detective work. this has an in universe explanation -- he is 13 years old, just starting out -- and an out of universe explanation -- if he’s not showing up anyone’s favorite character, he is presumably more palatable and less threatening for the presumed reader.

that’s what i mean when I say taht DC played their intro of tim very safe -- he falls in with the established characters, already likes them, is practically already a fan of them with full fanboy connotations. The idealized past is presented as something as desirable, both to the reader and to the characters themselves, and there is a strong current of nostalgia and returning things to how they “should” be with Batman having a robin. Tim voices what many readers may feel: That batman lost his way, that he needs Robin, and he gets to act out those feelings in the comic. the text acknowledges that they can’t just force dick back into it, that people have to grow up, and dick passes the mantle to tim.

overall I think that tim’s employment here was effective, but I look forward to seeing more when he’s allowed to be himself rather than an audience avatar. I understand lots of people like audience avatars and he was wildly popular presumably for those reasons, but I personally found the plotline lackluster at points.

#okay here it is #fade reads dc comics #dc comics #a lonely place of dying #batman 1940 #dick grayson #tim drake #batfam #alfred pennyworth #bruce wayne #character meta #or more of like #comic meta

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eleanorbloom · 3 years

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Meet My MC: Eleanor Bloom

Hello! So, I’ve been wanting to do this for MONTHS. Since I started posting When You're Ready series to be exact, but I never found the perfect face claim to do a nice moodboard. That changed a few days ago thanks to a random post in Tumblr where I discovered this Queen 😍😍😍

Let me introduce you to my main Open Heart MC (I have another MC for the mini series I’m writing, but I’ll make a separate post when it’s due). This is the woman I've been building and destroying as I write the series, and despite her suffering, is the luckiest bitch on earth 😂

Edited on August 15th, 2021.

Name: Eleanor Andrea Bloom

Nicknames: Ellie, by her friends and family in general; Sunny or Sunflower by her dad; Andrew by her brother; Elle by Bryce; Ella by Keiki.

Face claim : Ivana Baquero.

Height: 5'4 (167cm)

Date of birth: December 14th, 1992.

Hometown: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA.

Education: Perelman School of Medicine, University of Pennsylvania.

Family: Robert and Verónica Bloom (parents), Benjamin Bloom (younger brother, 6 years younger), Ricardo Díaz and Ofelia Velásquez, chilean maternal grandparents, Albert and Lorraine Bloom, paternal grandparents.

Love Interest: Bryce Lahela. (At first was Ethan, but he's now competely in the past.)

Personality: Eleanor is outgoing, kind, caring, and is always ready to help others; she also has a profound sense of empathy. In front of adversities she's resilient and stubborn, a total fighter for what she considers right. Unfortunately that leads to focus more on other people's needs instead of their own.

Messy overthinker.

She's clever and very intuitive. In High School she was one of the best students of her class, but she was also a bit of a troublemaker, always standing up for others and fighting for what is right.

Her passion for medicine and fighting for her ideals was inherited from Ricardo, who was President of the Medicine Students' Union while he was at college in the 60s in Chile.

Family Background:

Eleanor was born in Cincinnati, Ohio, in a family of parents who fell in love at the young age of 16, and that have been together ever since.

Robert works as Engineer in Construction while Verónica is Auditor in a Financial Firm.

Benjamin is studying Naval Engineering at University of Michigan.

Her paternal family is from Columbus, OH.

Her maternal grandparents are chilean and lived as exiled in USA after the Military Forces made a coup d'etat in the country (1973). Both were members of the Socialist Party and, at the risk of being arrested (and tortured) for their political tendencies, Ricardo accepted an offer to do a fellowship in pediatrics in Columbus, OH. Ofelia worked as Mid-wife in Chile but stayed at home the first years to help Verónica with the new country and the new language, and because she and Ricardo wanted more kids. After sixteen years (1974-1990), as democracy was reinstated, both returned to Chile with their two younger children, of 12 and 9 at that moment. Verónica stayed as she was studying and had plans of making family with Robert eventually, once they finished their studies.

Despite the fact that her grandparents weren't living in USA when she was born, she's very close with them and her chilean family in general. Normally The Blooms travel once a year to spend the chilean winter holidays or the national holidays in September, although the last few years have been just Verónica and Robert because of Benjamin's college schedule.

Interests.

She likes to listen to music, specially pop. Taylor Swift is her favorite artist of all times. She also listens a lot of Spanish-speaking music, like Reggeaton (mostly to dance) and chilean artists like Francisca Valenzuela, Los Bunkers, Alex Anwandter and Javiera Mena.

Eleanor is a coffee person, and is more a sweet tooth than salty, all thanks to the pastries and cakes Ofelia prepares every time she visits Chile.

She likes to cook and bake things, but she's not a fan as Sienna.

She likes to read, but above all she enjoys taking long walks and sometimes, if time allows, do some hiking.

She loves romantic movies and her favorite Christimas Movie is Love Actually.

She LOVES dancing, especially reggaeton (which she learned to dance it during her visits to Chile), but now that she has Bryce as partner she loves it even more because the boy has moves and he's the only one that can keep up with her just as she likes (and even better). Besides is a sexy activity and one of their favorites foreplay 🤭

Random facts.

Her parents called her Eleanor because during High School, her mother was obssessed with Eleanor Roosevelt, and her father just liked the name because it was a Beatles' song (Eleanor Rigby).

Her dad started calling her Sunny or Sunflower since she was 7 for her bright and caring personality. And since then the sunflower has been her favorite flower.

She's fluent in Spanish. Even thought she learned a lot during the her visits to Chile on vacations over the years, she became fluent after she spent two months in Chile before going to college.

____

Thanks for reading! I had all this information ready to be published for months, but I didn't want to post it without the face claim.

I hope you enjoyed getting to know Eleanor a bit more 😊

#Bryce Lahela #bryce lahela x mc #bryce x casey #bryce x mc #Meet My MC

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techmomma · 3 years

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TW: Family Death, Cancer

Funny story today. Funnyyyyy story!

So tumblr signed me out today, and I tried to sign back in, had to reset my password, blah blah. Which meant having to go to the email attached to these blogs, that I haven’t checked in like years.

There were two emails. One from my mother, and one from my sister.

For those who don’t know, I estranged myself from my family. It’s a lot of long and complicated reasons, but I did so for my mental health. I have not had contact with them in years, save for repeated, unwelcome attempts to communicate with me from my mother.

The emails were about my father--also one of the people I estranged myself from, for said previous reasons. He is, or was, in stage 4 colon cancer. He had chosen to stop treatments and go into hospice. The last email from my sister was on Jan 2. I can only assume the inevitable has happened, though I can’t currently find any obituaries about him (though finding any information in general about him on the internet is difficult). There’s no email about him passing away, but I suspect that’s either out of A. spite or B. they’re assuming the email is defunct.

I’m okay, for the record. It’s just... weird. It’s a whole bunch of strange, complicated emotions, not helped by the fact that I found this out today, by checking an email I never look at, and finding emails that are -checks the date- almost four months old now. I had, for a year or two now, considered getting in contact with him solely out of curiosity, to see if he’d changed. It wasn’t out of the picture. Of my family, somehow, he was the one who, despite being a screaming manchild, did have some accountability. Which is saying a lot. From what I remember of him, it actually wouldn’t have been that surprising if my estrangement had actually made him think on himself. Trust me, these aren’t the wishes of an abused child; it was an unfortunate upbringing and trauma heaped onto a man who, in another family, would have come out a very sensitive and caring person. He did try to better himself.

But things happened the way they did. And I had to leave for my health.

It’s a lot of emotions. It’s just... a lot, lmao. That’s the only way I can really describe it. Like I said, I’m pretty okay. I had kind of expected things to turn out this way, especially after turning thirty last year, with both my parents now over 60. I’d get some notification too late that he was dying or dead because I made myself so difficult to reach in the first place for estrangement reasons, and that would be the end of it. And lo and behold. It’s mostly just coming to terms with “ah, one of my parents is dead now and wasn’t as far as I knew, yesterday,” with a little bit of sadness, a little bit of grief, a little bit of regret for a missed opportunity, that may or may not have even been able to happen, that will pass. It’s just weird, y’know?

Suppose I can add “death of an estranged family member” to my list of Intimate Relationship Deaths now. Which is... a lot. Death is practically the neighbor who drops by for tea on sundays at this point for me.

The other pressing matter being that now I really need to talk to my doc asap because if I have crohn’s like we suspect then hoo boy that means I got dad’s insides and am at very real risk for the same outcome as him.

Ugh. This is exhausting, man. I’m so tired.

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spaced-out-julissx · 4 years

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this post is kinda long ngl

Last night, I came out to my friend as bisexual through text message. God I still can’t believe I did it. She’s bisexual too, so the reason I came out to her first was not only because I trusted her, but she might be one of the few that understands me. I would love to include screenshots of the text messages, but I’m typing this through a laptop and I don’t want pictures here because my whole family can login and can see them. I know I can delete them but I don’t want to risk it. Let me tell you what happened just in case you’re looking for a coming out story to read or help you out.

Me and her were just making small talk and talking about our new hobbies that we formed during quarantine and the sort. I was actually doing homework while texting her. And then, all of a sudden, I wanted her to know. Like, I’ve always known I was going to tell her first, but I thought it was going to be in person. But last night, as I was texting her, I just really wanted her to know. It was so powerful, this feeling, of just wanting to go through the screen and come out at her end and just scream it out. I was kind of scared of this all-of-a-sudden feeling, because it doesn’t come with bravery, but rather recklessness and this feeling could either be the best or worst thing for someone in the closet.

Nevertheless, I decided to act on it. And I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but I felt these exact feelings: my leg, which was already shaking, began shaking even more violently. I could feel goosebumps all over my arms. There was a lump in my throat, and thank goodness we were texting rather than talking or else I would have never spit out the words. My stomach felt weird, like somebody was poking me all over, but through the inside.

I texted her, asking if I could talk to her about something. She said yes, and then my phone stopped working for a whole hour. Great timing. For that whole hour, I was reflecting if I should or shouldn’t. But this feeling was so strong, and I had no doubt in my mind that it was going to be tonight that I would tell her. My phone started working again, and then I told her that it broke down and whatever. Then she asked me what it was that I wanted to tell her.

So I typed up the words “I’m bi”. I typed them. I didn’t send them. There I was, staring at the blue “send” button, thinking how big that button all of a sudden became. Two words. Two small words. One of them I didn’t even type fully. But they were so powerful, because the second I sent them I knew there was no going back. You can’t just lock yourself back inside the closet.

I was feeling so overwhelmed, so I went into the notes app and typed up a reason as to why I was telling her. I typed up exactly these words,

“and you're the only one that knows idk i just wanted to tell someone and i really don't want to tell my family they're kinda homophobic hehe”

I was going to send “I’m bi” first and then the message above. So I went back to the text messages. I took a couple of breaths.

It was so much, I literally squeezed my eyes shut and my thumb hit the send button. I felt this huge weight on my shoulders. I felt so many feelings right at that moment, it was crazy. Goosebumps were positively all over my body. Immediately I pasted the message from the notes. That was probably a good idea, my whole copy and paste thing. There was no way my shaking fingers were going to type a whole sentence after sending that.

I stared at my phone, waiting. There was no way I could just look away from the phone. My eyes were glued. I wasn’t even blinking.

A whole minute passed. A WHOLE MINUTE. I kid you not a whole 60 seconds passed. Those 60 seconds were longer than microwave seconds. I was waiting and waiting. Surely she wouldn’t be mad at me, right? She’s bi. It would be hypocritical, and if I knew she would do something like that, I wouldn’t have told her. But do I honestly know her fully? I mean, I only met her a couple of months ago, but I feel like I’ve known her forever. She’s just so easy to talk to about literally anything! Was this an exception? And just like that, another minute passed.

That’s it. I can try to go back inside the closet as best as I could. I could tell her April Fools or something like that, and if she says that it’s not even April 1, I’ll just tell her I thought you were supposed to celebrate that holiday all through April. She won’t be suspicious, will she?

“Omg really I'm so happy how'd you realize?”

There. She responded. Immediately after reading that, all my stress, anxiety, every single fucking thing melted off me. My legs stopped shaking, and they always shake. Doesn’t matter if I’m coming out or not. But they were still. And I was just staring back at the screen, my mouth slightly open.

I felt so good. God typing this makes me feel kind of emotional. I did it. I actually did it. And I wasn’t embarrased, like how I envisioned my coming out to anybody every single fucking time. I wasn’t regretting it. I was smiling. And then I was full on grinning at the screen. I came out to someone, and they were “so happy” to hear it. I literally had to get up and hop on my bed a little. I know that sounds cheesy as fuck, but I got on my small sofa bed and hopped a bit. And I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt so good.

So I started telling her how I realized. How I think I kind of have always known but I would suppress it because my family wasn’t exactly open to it. How in middle school I had tiny crushes on girls and kind of...fantasize about kissing them. How I was in love with Lady Gaga, but then I realized it wasn’t just her music that I liked. How reading any wlw book or fanfiction made me feel kind of jealous of one of the characters. How after reading gay literature (such as Simon vs The Homo-Sapiens’ Agenda and Leah On The Offbeat) made me finally accept that I don’t just like guys, and that it was 100% normal. I don’t know, but when you know, you know. I hid it all these years because of my family. My mom literally told me she thinks my brother might turn out gay because he only has a bunch of older sisters, and that her and my dad were trying to “get it out of him”. Whatever “it” was. Guess how old my brother was when she told me that? Like 3 years old.

I don’t know. I know my parents won’t kick me out if I told them, so I guess I’m lucky on that end. But they just make all these jokes and whenever they meet someone who is gay, they make it point to point it out in a story they might tell during dinner. My mom’s cousin came out as lesbian last summer, and my mom’s aunt (not her cousin’s mom) was saying how she didn’t want to talk to her anymore and for her to not even think about visiting her. I watch old home videos of my mom hanging out with her cousins and throwing around words like the fa**** and great stuff like that. My dad was brought up in a very traditional Mexican family, where my grandparents from that side of the family might whip out a bible if I tell them. You know the sorts. Even my older sister has a bit of both of my parents. She loves stereotyping, in which for example if at work a guy gives her attitude, he’s probably gay. She talks about celebrities’ sexual orientations like she knows, and she makes the type of gay jokes that are not really hateful, but rather uncomfortable. I really don’t like those jokes. They’re like the equivalent to “I can’t be homophobic! I made eye contact with a gay on June 8, 2017!”

Woah there, I wrote a big one, boys! This was just supposed to be a coming out story but turned out to be a whole rant as to why I don’t come out. If you’re still reading this, thanks. It means the world to me.

But anyways, my coming out yesterday, overall, I rate it bittersweet. It’s like the word bittersweet was made for this exact experience. It was very sweet in the fact that I’m already starting my journey to being out of the closet. I’m not completely out, but let’s just say I unlocked the door, and someone noticed. I’m not out, but I’m not in either, and that’s the sweet part. The bitter is the fact that I felt terrible and like death before coming out, and that was to an open, sweet, BISEXUAL friend. Imagine how I’m going to feel when I tell other people? When I tell my parents? God the thought makes me nauseated. I don’t know how you people that are out do it. I mean, I can’t even stomach the idea, but I’ll get around it some day. If you’re out, you are such a brave little muffin, and I’m proud of you. If you’re closeted, I’m still proud of you for figuring out who you are and for being brave for just being here, having to restrain yourself when you hear homophobic shit. If you’re questioning, you’re still brave for taking the step to figure out yourself, and I really hope you’re comfortable with yourself and you take all the time you need.

Wow I’m a trainwreck. If you read from beginning to end, thank you you’re so sweet. I’ll keep updating this thread if I come out to someone else or if something happens. Writing makes me feel kind of liberated.

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thepilotanon · 4 years

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a happily married man.

I wanted to expand a little bit more of Flip being married, and how he would behave as a husband around his wife. Since, in this short, Ron would have already known of Flip’s wife, I thought it would be fun for him to try and get some stories (advice, hint-hint) from our favorite Detective and have a trip down memory lane! I also tried to look up and imagine what a high schooler/young adult Flip Zimmerman would be like, looking up 50s/60s fashion and...I went to town. Please let me know if you enjoyed, and thank you for reading!

warning: old school standards, religious discrimination, my choppy-ass attempt to write german.

Flip caught the phone ringing while buttoning his flannel, picking up the line and cradling it between his cheek and shoulder while fixing his sleeves properly. It was only ten to six in the morning, and he was on his way out the door to head down to the precinct for another regular day at the office - although, he wasn’t expecting any calls to come right before he would head off to work.

“Zimmerman house,” he spoke, still a bit tired, checking his pockets for his keys. “This is Flip speaking.”

“Philip, what have I said about speaking so grouchy on the phone? You’re going to scare anyone away who tries to call you!” This voice, for Flip, was all too familiar. Scrunching his face in displeasure, he silently panicked before standing straight with a quiet sigh. “Is that any way to speak to your mother when she calls her only child?”

“No, Ma, it’s not,” Flip answered accordingly, running his hand down his mouth. “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to head out the door for work. Why are you callin’ so early in the morning? Figured you would call sometime this weekend, or after dinner.”

“What’s wrong with me calling? I’m trying to get ahold of Alice,” his mother explained plain as day, and Flip raised a curious brow at this new discovery.

“Why do you want to talk to Alice?” Flip narrowed his eyes, turning to see his lovely wife scuffle out to the kitchen. Seeing her yawning and wrap her robe tighter around herself, Alice blinked sleepily as she came closer to her husband, into his waiting arm. Once she rest her head on his shoulder, Flip held her close and gave her a quick good-morning kiss to the top of her head, making her hum softly.

Flip’s mother huffed, and he could resist the quick, naughty grin to flash on his face when Alice looked up to him with a curious stare. “What does it matter to you, junior? I can’t talk to my daughter in-law every once in a while for simple lady-talk? It’s been a while since that sweetheart and I had time to ourselves. I have so much to talk to her, about that recipe she told me about, and that dress we picked out together the last time we went out to town - you know the one, it’s green with -!”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna hand you to her, alright?” Flip quickly stopped his mother when he stole a look to the clock hanging over the oven. Pulling the phone away from his ear, Flip was quick to wrap his arm around Alice’s waist and practically lifted her up a bit to seal her lips in a deep kiss, making her squeak cutely as he gently demanded her attention.

Alice managed herself to smile into the kiss and held his face with both of her soft hands, kissing him back as he gently settled her back to her feet. Fixing his collar properly, along with the gold chain of his most treasured accessory (not counting his wedding band) of the Star of David, Flip then gave her lips another kiss, then her cheek, and then her forehead before handing her the phone.

“She’s your problem now, baby doll,” Flip teased with a wink as she rolled her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Alice laughed softly, and he kissed her head just once more time. She made a face at him, making him pinch her nose before taking off to the door. Waving to him with her fingers, Alice brought the phone to her ear and kept her smile on her face as she spoke with more energy to the older woman waiting on the other line. “Good morning, Mom, it’s Alice. How are you doing this morning? I - yes, I miss you, too.”

Hearing his mother exclaim happily on the other line, Flip knew he was safe to leave his home and make it to work on time, all thanks to his lovely wife’s assistance. He will have to thank her in his special way when he gets home tonight. As much as he loved his mom with all of his heart, he couldn’t risk getting into trouble for being a few minutes late with Chief Bridges again. It happens every time either his mom or dad call or see him and Alice in person; always wanting to spare a few more minutes to be with their beloved son and daughter in-law. As much as Flip has tried for so long to get his father to retire and find more time to tend to some hobbies with his mom, Flip knew he inherited his stubbornness from somewhere.

Not to mention both of his parents just really, really love and adore his little wife and like to hog all her attention from him.

To him, Flip always enjoyed seeing Alice interact with his parents, ever since they were dating in high school. Seeing his dad laugh over a story of Flip falling asleep during history, or even during study hall with Alice trying to tutor him with the response ‘that’s my boy’ echoing throughout the house. Or, how his mother would scold Flip while giving Alice all her attention when she asked for an honest “report” of how his test scores have been, and then praising the young woman for doing extra credit, despite already being the best in class. His parents made Alice feel at home, and it felt important to him to have someone so special in his life (and someone he wanted to marry someday, at the time) to feel accepted by his family...

Rather, in comparison to how Alice’s parents reacted to meeting Flip.

It was when they both graduated high school together, a month after the ceremony, in fact, and it was surprisingly hot that sunny Saturday in the venue center. It was in a different side of town Flip wasn’t completely well-known with, with too many people in fancy outfits and shiny cars. The venue was huge: a properly kept and cleaned venue with patios and gazebos with white-clothed tables and pretty glasses; waiters and staff working around before the final moments before they open up the lines to their financially successful visitors. The sky is blue and really, really hot -!

“Flip?”

Spinning around from behind the neatly-trimmed hedge he was (not hiding) by, he took a deep breath when he saw his sweet, sweet Alice in her pretty baby-blue sundress with her hair done in soft curls with her ribbon tied perfectly. His beautiful baby doll was never too fond of using hairsprays and using a teasing comb to create unwanted knots, unlike the big fashion fads and popular girls back at school try to replicate. Seeing her just as she is, looking up to him with her bright eyes made his heart do funny things in his chest.

God, he was so in love with her.

“Are you alright, hot shot? Everyone is going in and getting ready to be seated,” she informed him, obviously leaving out another addition of the obvious for his own sake.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine,” Flip shrugged, clapping his hand and rubbing his palms together for no reason.

She didn’t believe him, her smile perking more on her lips. “Do you need a smoke? I’m sure I can ask for a lighter -?”

“No!” he yelped, suddenly feeling his ears burn. Approaching her and taking her hands with both of his, kissing her knuckles quickly, he tried to play it off with a shrug. “No, m’not gonna go in with a cigarette dangling from my mouth, no! Why would I need to smoke, anyway?”

“Because you’re nervous.”

“I’m not nervous.” Flip broke eye contact with her, knowing he was caught red handed. “I’m not going smoke before going in, okay? I don’t want you feelin’ dizzy when I hold your hand.”

A soft chuckle slipped from her as she pulled her hands out of his sweaty palms, only to hook her fingers through his belt loops and get on her toes to press a kiss to his freshly shaved jaw. “I know smoking helps you calm down, Flip, and I doubt we’re going to be cuddling during a brunch for me to inhale smoke. Don’t try to act like you’re not nervous about meeting my parents,” she told him sweetly, resting her cheek against his shoulder. “If you want to be a detective, you need to work a little bit more on your acting skills. You’re going to be under a lot of pressure, you know.”

Sighing, Flip dropped his shoulders and rest his hands on her back, hugging her close to him. “Yeah, under lots of pressure…”

“I know, I know.” Patting his chest, Alice propped her chin to look at him with a sort of sad gaze. “Dating for most of high school, and now you’re finally meeting my mom and dad - it’s ridiculous how long we’ve put this off.”

“Well, more like they’ve put this off from us for a long time,” he gruffed under his breath, which caused her to sigh, slow and long. “Hey, I’m sorry, but you and I know it’s been us who put more effort into trying to make it happen for the past few years, baby doll.”

“I’m not arguing, I completely agree. My dad has never really been social for anyone outside of his family or close friends.”

“Oh, that’s great.”

Humming her laugh, Alice got on her toes while tugging on the collar of his shirt for his attention. Flip willingly brought his head back and kissed her lightly, making her not to ruin her soft colored lips. “They will love you, Flip. You’re charming and wonderful, not to mention smart and the man of my dreams,” she listed off with a sweet smile, looking at him with pure joy. Being complimented by someone who had him wrapped around her little finger, he couldn’t hold back his own bashful smile back to her, his cheeks burning. “They will have to love you, anyway. If your folks can love me and want to see us happy, mine should be able to see all the things that’s wonderful about you, too.”

Pressing a soft kiss to her hair, he took a deep breath before nodding. “You know what’s amazing about you? You make everything so much less scary. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You would be hiding by a bush, pacing back and forth until someone starts to think you’re doing something suspicious,” she told him, making him snort again and earn another kiss to her head. “Come on, you know I don’t like having you with an empty stomach. They make really good French toast and ham that I think you’ll like.”

“Doubt anything can ever beat you or my ma’s cooking, but I’ll believe you.”

Flip knew from the first day that his girlfriend, Alice von Schonburg, came from a very upper-class family. Her father owned a private candy company that distributes between the US and Canada, as well as working to have business across the sea. He also co-owned some grocery stores around Colorado, thus making a very profitable income and a well-known aristocratic member to Colorado Spring’s high society. While Flip knew of his girlfriend’s rather expensive lifestyle and upbringing, she was much more soft and kind to anyone she meets and caught hearts of everyone around her.

Her father was not the same.

He was definitely a hard man; steely, bright eyes in the same color as his daughter, but held no friendly sparkle. His stares were more cold and unsettling, even when he was having “friendly” conversation with another group of people. He was taller than his wife, dressed in a finely pressed suit and a tie that matched his daughter’s ribbon and his wife’s sundress (as did other parents with their young adult children), and had a cane to support the left side of his weight. He had graying hairs and a thick mustache that could easily hide any sort of scowl or smile...if he ever did. Even seeing him across the back patio of the venue made Flip feel like he was choking on the collar of the button up dress shirt he borrowed from his father.

Even so, Alice held on to his sweaty hand and guided him through the small crowd of people - most of who also swam in their riches, paying the two no mind.

“Father! Mother!” Alice called out, catching both their attention, as well as the two other adults they were conversing with. Bringing her boyfriend over, Alice gave them all a bright, sunny smile underneath the canopy next to the tables filled with assorted glass drinks. “Excuse me, I’m so sorry to interrupt.”

“Alice, looking lovely as ever!” The other man with blond hair and thick glasses offered them both a smile, raising his drinking glass in a greeting to her. “Good to see you, sweetie. I should leave you to your table, hm? Gotta get myself a good spot with Nancy. Good to see you, Al. Elsa, good luck on your next project with Susie.”

“Do not mention any’ting about Nancy’s gloves, Bruce,” the other man, around the same age as Alice’s parents, with a slight accent. “She does not want to think about how her nails habe been ruined from habing to do housevork.”

The man, Bruce, gave off a cheeky smile before taking off. Alice clears her throat once more as she smiled to the remaining three.

“Mother, Father, I want to introduce you to Philip Zimmerman, my boyfriend,” she introduced proudly, making Flip’s heart sputter from her voice. She looked and sound so happy to finally introduce him to her family. “And, Flip, my mother, Elsa, and my father, Alphonse,” she told him with gentle eyes to him, her hands holding his arm with comfort. “And, this is also Otto - he’s like my uncle. He and Father have known each other since they were very young.”

“It’s absolutely vonderful to finally meet Alice’s dear Süsser,” Otto said with a big grin, reaching a hand out for Flip to shake. The young graduate jumped and was quick to take Otto’s hand, shaking strongly, just like he practiced with his dad for hours last night. It seemed to work, since Otto chuckled when they broke the greeting. “Knew Mäuschen liked de tall ones, too. Very tall.”

“Onkel Otto,” Alice scolded under her breath, her cheeks immediately going bright when the man chuckled again.

Seeing how her parents didn’t verbally respond, Flip swallowed as he nervously smiled and dipped his head in greeting. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” he said quickly, seeing how her mother, Elsa, gave him a painted smile. When she held out her gloved hand, Flip was extra careful to cradle her fingers within his palm and bow. “Alice always tells me amazing stories about you two, and all you do in Colorado Springs. She was telling me about this charity event you’re planning in the fall.”

“Yes, I’m working with my ladies group to help raise money for a Christmas event for the children’s hospital. We want to make a big dinner and give grand presents, so the parents don’t need to worry as much,” Elsa answered brightly, seeming to like how Flip took note of her hobbies. Flip noticed that she didn’t have such a strong accent like Otto, but there was a little bit of a German touch when it came to her “v”s sounding like “f”s. “It’s lovely to meet you, Philip.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he blurted, unexpectedly. Attempting to fix his little mistake, Flip straightened his spine and held his hand out to Alice’s father, offering him a smile. “And it’s great to finally meet you, sir - Mr. Alphonse, or, uhm…”

Flip watched, in what felt like slow-motion, as Alphonse von Schonburg looked at his offered hand with a sort of disturbed twitch in his bright eye. Then, just like seeing a fly in his line of sight, the older man shifted his weight with his cane and looked elsewhere, seeming to look at his daughter. “Prefer Herr von Schonburg.”

Dropping his hand back down, wiping his sweaty palm on his dress pants, Flip did his best to keep his cool as Alice have his other arm a reassuring squeeze. Stealing a glance, Flip could see how she was trying to tell him with her eyes that this was normal of her dad’s behavior. Elsa didn’t seem to do anything about her husband’s remark, but Otto didn’t hesitate to sent his old friend a short glare before looking to the two young adults with a big smile.

“Shall ve take a seat, und get our trinkts, ja?” Otto suggested, reaching to pat Flip on the back with an encouraging laugh. “Philip, you und Alice both still too young for mimosa or vine, but ve make it dry! Alice, dis boy likes ham?”

“Flip likes ham.” Alice brought back her sparkling smile towards her uncle, letting her boyfriend escort and guide her to where Otto had reserved their seats at a covered table on a wooden patio deck. “I made him the ham sandwiches you liked so much, from the picnic, and there wasn’t any left for him to take home. I was telling him about how they have good ham here, before we came in.”

The table was arranged in the shade and was decorated with white tablecloth; shiny silverware and numerous plates, napkins folded into what Flip thought were boats at each placement of the rectangular-shaped table. It looked like it could have fit an easy amount of almost ten people, but there were exactly five chairs and five arrangements. Flip thought it was very fancy, similar to his family’s Thanksgiving dinners at his grandmother’s house...

“Ah-ha!” Otto gave a loud, belly laugh, seeming to not care when some of the attendees look in their direction. Elsa tittered to herself by Otto’s gesture, allowing her husband to escort her to the other end of the long table. “Though, I must ask, vhere de name...Flip, not Philip?”

Flip first held Alice’s hand in one while the other pulled out a chair in the corner, letting her sit down first and pushing her in. “It’s - uh, it’s a nickname I’ve had since I was little, and it just stuck to everyone I went to school with,” he answered honestly, making sure his girlfriend was comfortable first before going to the seat right next to her - until Otto caught his arm.

“No nonsense, young man, you are a guest und shall sit at the other head of the table. Come here, still next to Mäuschen!” Otto commanded, dragging Flip to sit directly across from Alice’s father, who took his seat and watched with unreadable eyes. “Perfekt! Und I sit here, then ve vill habe better conversation. Tell me more of de nickname.”

Flip felt a little too warm from the seating arrangement and being put on the spotlight, but seeing how Elsa and Otto genuinely seemed to be interested in it, he took a deep breath. Feeling Alice’s Mary Jane press against his large foot, he felt a little bit more confident. “My folks sent me to summer camps, especially when I was in the scouts, and I had a habit of flipping off the docks into the lakes. My cabin buddies started calling me Flip, and then, by dinner, the whole camp was calling me that. A lot of the guys I went to camp with went to our school, so I guess they made sure it’d spread.”

Otto chuckled warmly at the story. “Of course, vhat kind of friends vould they be if they habe not reminded people of your big talent,” he commented, glancing to Elsa and Alphonse with a cheeky smile. “Vonderful to know that camp traditions of nicknames still exist.”

“Well, Philip, perhaps someday we will see your amazing flips into a lake or pool,” Elsa offered before Otto opened a can of worms that wasn’t appropriate quite yet. “So, please, tell us: what are your parents like? Surely, they’re wonderful people, if they allow such a polite boy in scouts and camps.”

“My father is a mechanic. He’s very proud whenever he works with cars or machinery,” Flip said fondly.

“Zimmerman...as in Ackerman and Zimmerman Auto Shop?” Alphonse, surprisingly, spoke up.

Flip was quick to nod. “Yeah, yeah, It’s been a sort of family business with the Ackermans,” he answered eagerly. “My father and a close friend of his started it way before I was born.”

“How wonderful.” Elsa was giving an honest smile, which was surprising to Flip, never thinking such a laboring, dirt job like working under and inside cars would be appealing. Then, he thought, of how it was in the family and it was obvious that there was a profitable income. He didn’t take it to heart. “And, your mother? Does she work, too, or is she a housewife?”

“She’s a nurse at the local hospital. Maybe, if you’re interested, Mrs. von Schonburg, she would like to volunteer for your charity plan? I’m sure her and other nurses would like to help with the children’s hospital…”

“Oh, that would be wonderful! And, please, dear, call me Elsa,” she responded joyously, making Flip smile back to her.

“Ackerman und Zimmerman are strong names,” Alphonse suddenly spoke up, interrupting whatever else his wife was going to say next. Flip saw from the corner of his eye how Alice’s lips fell to a hard line and looked her father’s way. He couldn’t see her expression, but her shoulders were tense. “Common Deutsch names. Say, vhich church do you attend vith your family?”

“Father!” Alice suddenly leaned in, her voice thick and testy. “Das ist -!”

“Schatzchen,” Alphonse grounded back, his eyes piercing at Alice. Flip managed to slip his hand under the tablecloth and tugged on her fingers, letting her hold his hand back with a tight grip. “Do not interrupt, it is unbecoming.”

Alice eventually leaned back, keeping her gaze down and her hold on his hand tightened even more. Flip brushed his thumb over her knuckles. He wanted to hold her in his arms and kiss her head, like he always did, but he knew he couldn’t…

“I don’t attend a church with my family,” he answered, strong and brave in his tone. “My family and I attend the big synagogue that’s near the city hall and community college.”

There was an uncomfortable silence at the table, even when the waiter came to deliver glasses of iced water, even though Alice mouthed a ‘thank you’ to him. Alphonse stared with a stoic expression at Flip, and Flip himself couldn’t stop from staring back. Yes, he was scared and ready to shit his pants, but he wasn’t going to let go of something - someone he really loved, all because of his family’s belief. Even Alice told him that she wanted him to always take a stand to anyone who would try and see his religion as a negative, when it wasn’t. Alice adored that about Flip and his family, always grateful to be accepted into the Zimmerman household and being taught of their customs and traditions, and it made Flip grateful…

Although, now, Flip was feeling negative with just the look on Alphonse von Schonburg’s face.

“Ein Juden,” he said slowly, making Alice give her father a hard look.

“Yes, sir,” Flip stood straighter, trying to feel tall and confident in himself, “I’m Jewish.”

Flip swore he was watching the man’s nose grow red, but he didn’t say anything more as the trolley of the brunch arrived to their spot, the waiter smiling and unknown to what was going on. He began serving the dishes, and Alphonse simply took his folded napkin and snapped it open a little bit too hard. Elsa was a lot more gentle, but still uncomfortably silent all the while their plates were served first. Flip was grateful that Alice refused to let go of his hand from underneath the table, and was surprised with Otto leaned back, unceremoniously, on his chair.

Smiling.

“I’ve only seen your synagogue from the outside, yet the arrangement of de stained glass is very, very detailed,” Otto said, taking his napkin and ready to tuck it into his shirt. “Be vonderful to see de sun shine inside. Und de gardens outside is alvays lovely to smell on valks in de spring. You go often, Philip?”

“My mother tries to get me to go once a week, although it is a little bit harder now that I’m going to the police academy. She tries to go for every service, or she helps bring them to the hospital, for her patients.”

“How vonderful. My mutter vas de same vith her church,” Otto responded affectionately. “Mittwoch, Samtag und Sonntag, every veek. Soon as I got old enough, I did vhatever I could do to not vear de church pants - terrible stitch dat rode up my -!”

“Otto!” Elsa bursted into a genuine laugh. “Mind your manners, you old hound!”

Otto gave her a cheeky laugh and then reached over to pat Flip on the back, as if they shared a secret joke that no one knew about. Once the plates have been served and the waiter reminded the table to call for anything else, everyone seemed to try and begin eating with ease.

“Thought Juden do not eat pork,” Alphonse blurted out casually, causing both Elsa and Alice to freeze their utensils.

Flip, at this point, didn’t hesitate to use his knife to cut his piece of ham into smaller bits. “Some Jewish people don’t eat pork, and some do, depending who it is. My parents allow us to eat pork, unless it’s for a specific holiday, then we do our best to respect Kashrut.” It wasn’t necessary, but Flip took a generous piece of ham and ate it, swallowing and then wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Again, it’s different for everyone within the community. It’s a lot more complexed, but I won’t bore you with them, sir.”

“But you had Alice’s sandwiches before,” Otto questioned. He grinned when Flip nodded with some sort of enthusiasm, despite having his mouth full. “Mäuschen is blessed in the kitchen, I say. Been to New York, Chicago, Italy, France und all, but never had the best ham sandwich until Alice made me hers.”

“Alice makes the best sweets, too,” Flip willingly added in, looking to his girlfriend and squeezing her hand. Seeing her roll her eyes slightly and try to hide her embarrassed smile with her fork, Flip snickered. “Whenever she helped with our school events, all her stuff is always sold out. I think she has Betty Crocker running for her money.”

“And you say you’re in the police academy, Philip?” Elsa asked after sipping from her glass. “What made you want to go for the police force?”

“It sounds childish, but...I wanted to be a superhero, when I was really little. I think I’ve always just wanted to make people feel safe, save the day once in a while… I always looked to cops being the first step to becoming a superhero growing up,” he confessed with a half-smile. “I’ll say it’s a lot of work, but it’s pretty great, especially with the support I have. I know it’s going to be all worth it.”

Looking at Alice, the young couple caught their eyes and smiled warmly to each other. Flip knew he wouldn’t have gotten as far as being accepted into the academy without her help. With studying at the library and checking the public records to learn from solved cases and the manuals he was recommended to look over, Alice always made sure to quiz him, get him coffee and food and encouraging kisses. Flip’s parents were also supporting his career choice, too, but it was really Alice who was making sure that he kept his focus on his studies whenever it was necessary. She always made sure to get him back on track when he would rather throw the towel in. Alice never gave up on him.

Elsa and Otto immediately caught on and seemed to have a positive reaction to it, seeing how honest and appreciative he was for Alice and all the help she’s done for him.

“Das mag ich nicht.”

Flip watched Alice’s face suddenly transform from happy and in love, to pure sadness, releasing a long sigh as Elsa reacted to Alphonse in shock. She was saying something to Alphonse, Flip had no idea word-for-word, but he was sure she was scolding him for what he said, igniting a quiet argument between husband and wife. Flip doesn’t speak a word of German but, thanks to Alice, he has learned bits and pieces whenever he would ask her. The many times she would mumble something under her breath, usually when she was frustrated with something and didn’t want to openly curse in front of others… But, besides that, Flip had a good idea what Alphonse was responding so negatively about.

Seeing Alice trying not to cry out of frustration towards her father, doing her best not to cause a scene, Flip completely dismissed his own brunch and focused on his girlfriend. Otto also stopped eating and looked to Alice worryingly.

“Flip Zimmerman, come back to Earth, please!”

Coming out of his trip down Memory Lane, Flip looked over to see his partner and friend, Ron Stallworth, giving him a pointed look to the two coffee mugs in each hand. Sighing, Flip kicked off his feet off his desk and thanked Ron for getting him his fourth refill. He tried his best to ignore Ron’s stare at him, watching him take a few big gulps and give his friend the stink-eye, but that only made ‘the rookie’ grin.

“What’s got Flipper’s head rolling today, huh?” Ron asked, all cheeky and teasing as usual when it was a slow day in the office. “Got your head in the clouds, probably thinking about Playmates?”

“Hardly,” Jimmy’s voice cut in from the other side of him, making Flip sigh. “The only lil bunny you’ll ever catch this man thinkin’ is his wife. Did she pack you any lunch today? I’m starving.”

“Nah, I was hoping you’d treat me to lunch down the street from the last time ya ate my food,” Flip snipped back with a friendly smirk, making Jimmy snicker.

“Anyway, as I was sayin’,” Ron broke the incoming banter that usually happened around this time between Flip and Jimmy, “I was trying to ask you how you proposed.”

“What? ‘Proposed’?” Flip’s face twisted in confusion, looking to his friend with narrowed eyes. “What, you planning on proposin’ to Patrice, after all this time?”

“I didn’t - if you were paying attention to what I was saying before, you would know I was askin’ because I was just curious!” Ron was quick to respond, making Flip slowly turn in his chair to face his partner more directly, just seeing him getting flustered. “Y’know, nothing’s going on here, so why not make small talk; always wondered how ya made the move to whisk a nice lady like Alice into marrying you, anyway.”

“I’d say it’s personal business, but -”

“Oh, this big guy did it in the most public place possible. At a big-ass dinner party her ma was hosting at some fancy as hell arts museum,” Jimmy interrupted again. “He gave her ol’ man a heart attack when she said ‘yes’!”

“What, Alice’s daddy don’t like lumberjacks?” Ron earned a playful punch to his arm from his friend, making sure not to spill his own mug of coffee.

Flip shook his head. “No, he didn’t like the fact that his little girl was marrying a Jew.” When Jimmy went quiet and Ron did a double-take, Flip shrugged his shoulders as casual as possible. “Her father was the only one from his immediate family to move from Germany, her mom was born and raised here, but her own parents were from Berlin, if I remember right.”

“So, wait a minute,” Ron stopped him and took a seat on the edge of Flip’s desk. “So, you, a Jewish man, married to Alice, who’s...not Jewish? Assuming she didn’t convert -”

“She didn’t.” Flip shrugged. “Not a big deal. It’s like I’ve said: never been really big into that part of me, being Jewish, and Alice wasn’t big on her family’s beliefs either. That also blew her parents out of the water when she said she wanted to just get a civil marriage, instead of a big church wedding.”

“But, Alice’s ol’ man ain’t a -”

“No. Just doesn’t...like my kind. The way he was brought up, I guess. I never really asked, but Alice doesn’t know much either. Never got to be in the military, or ever into politics, really, just doesn’t like me.”

There was a long period of silence between the three, allowing Flip to finish his mug of coffee before it got too cold for his liking. Not enjoying the tension that was coming from his two buddies, the tall man cleared his throat before grabbing a cigarette from the carton next to his phone. “But, yeah, like Jimmy said - I knew I wasn’t going to get any blessing, so I decided to be a cocky little shit, and propose to her in front of a lot of rich, high-and-mighty people in one of the nicest suit-and-tie junctions in Colorado Springs history.”

“Certainly made history with driving a man to curse and raise Hell at a silent auction, but alright,” Jimmy slipped in, making Flip bark out a laugh and try to force him to fall back by kicking behind Jimmy’s propped legs. “What! You know what you did was your talk of the first week ya came here.”

The rest of the day carried on like usual, Flip filling out boring paperwork and answering calls. It was only a breather for him once he punched out and stepped outside the precinct, catching Ron digging for his keys in his coat pockets. Flip startled him into a quick jump, making Flip snort a laugh.

“Don’t go sneaking on me, you damn Flipper,” Ron groaned before finally finding his keys in his breast pocket. “Did you finish the report to send upstairs yet?”

“Yeah, dropped it off on the front desk.”

“Alright. Cool, that’s good,” Ron mumbled, nodding and fumbling with his keys. Flip watched him with a knowing look, head tilting to the side as he propped his jacket over his shoulder.

“What did you want to ask, Ron…”

“What? What?” Ron stammered before meeting Flip’s stare. “I don’t…”

“Look, if you don’t ask me what you want, it’s going to bug the shit outta you, and I don’t like doing that to my friends. You know, Alice would kill me for not being open with you, when you’re not hurting anyone,” Flip told him, raising a brow. “You wanted to ask me something earlier, I’m giving you the chance now.”

Ron took a deep breath, looking around for a second before summoning the courage for himself. “It’s just - you know, you say Alice’s old man never gave you a blessing, and you didn’t convert to either religion. Well, I mean, when you said that Alice’s father is from Germany, it just -? I’m just… How do you two make it work?

“Anytime I see you and Alice together, you two just make yourself to be the happiest married couple in the whole world. Not saying you’re not, but, when you look at it in that detail,” Ron made a gesture with his hands, his keys jingling in his palm. “You came from very different backgrounds, and I guess just seeing how your lady accepts everyone, with no second thought, despite…”

Flip leaned against the chilly brick, popping a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it before he drove home. “When we were in high school, I never brought up the fact that I was Jewish when we first started dating. It wasn’t until my mom begged me to bring her home to meet the family,” he started out. “Again, my folks didn’t make it a big deal to raise me Jewish, but my mom had our house decorated; we had a mezuzah, family portraits that were taken in tradition ways back, and Star of David. I already knew of Alice’s family. People talked at our school, of who’s parents were who. Alice was that kind of popular, pretty-girl who everyone talked about and knew about.

“I didn’t want her walking into my house and - I don’t know - think how we all thought German people thought of us, or something,” he laughed at the memory, seeing it clearly as if it was yesterday when he and Alice were teenagers again.

Sitting in the library, her trying have him memorize his history notes for the upcoming test he had to retake, and he could only just stare like the lovesick boy he was. He’d tell her that his mother invited her over to join them for dinner on Friday, remembering how she brightened up and tried to contain her excitement of getting to meet his parents. She asked him what she should wear, if she should bring something for his mother to impress her - flowers, a dessert or maybe a box of candy for his mother to bring to the hospital, and another for his father to bring to the shop. Flip could see himself trying to calm her down, holding her hand…

Then, getting unsure of himself.

“Then, knowing her, she could tell that something was wrong. She always does, I don’t know how she does, but she asked me what was running through my mind. I couldn’t hide anything, so I told her.” Flip swallowed, remembering how he felt, that sort of pressure of waiting for a response from her. Alice listened to him when he said ‘I’m actually Jewish’, and blinked, seeming to process it. The next memory made him actually snicker next to Ron, who was listening almost like how Alice always did: intentive, curious and respectful. “Next thing I know, she just smiled and said ‘okay’.” Flip shrugged, his face splitting into a huge grin. “Okay? What did she think of that? Honest opinion, because I’m about ready to either crap my pants or have my head pop off. She told me that all she really cared for was me being comfortable and happy with her. You know what she thought about me being Jewish, when I asked her?”

Ron shook his head and Flip chuckled.

“When I asked her, she told me she thought it was really interesting and wanted to learn about what I knew. She just...wanted me to tell her more about myself, and didn’t judge anything that would have otherwise been weird to anyone else.” Flip shrugged again, his smile never leaving his face. “I asked her if she thought it was weird to date me, after that, and she gave me a look and snapped back with ‘why the hell would I think it’s weird? I think it’s amazing, and I want to know more!’ Something about how she snipped at me and then smiled like an angel got to me.”

“Is that when you figured you were going to marry her?” Ron asked, a knowing smirk on his face when Flip sighed, slow and long.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s when I knew.”

XXX.

It was dark out by the time Flip made it back home, but still earlier than usual for Flip’s rather packed to the last minutes of the days schedules. Seeing the lights on in the living room, even with the drapes closed, it felt welcoming and safe with the warm, yellow glow of the lights and the front yard light guiding him home to where he knew his beautiful, loving wife was waiting for him. Entering through the front door, announcing his arrival, Flip couldn’t help but grow still as an odd aroma overpowered his nose. He stopped immediately after taking off his shoes, taking a deep inhale through her nose and out of his mouth…

It smelled familiar, but not quite what he expected walking into his own house.

“Alice?” he called, hearing a shuffle coming from the kitchen and his wife cursing under her breath. Coming further through the living room to the wall hiding the kitchen and dining room around the corner, Flip caught Alice attempt to pluck something out of one of her little bread pans, only to drop it back with a hiss and suck her thumbs.

“Mmmm!” she whined loudly all while her thumbs in her mouth, then jumping at the sight of Flip at the corner. Popping them out, the pads of her thumbs red in irritation, Alice stared wide-eyed at him. “Flip! What are you doing home so early? You’re suppose to be still at the station!”

“I finished paperwork early, so Chief let us all go,” he explained, looking carefully between her and the little bread pans. They were the ones Alice usually made her chocolate-banana breads or little cakes in, but what they currently had cooling wasn’t anything he has seen her make before. The tops of whatever they looked braided in a way, with chunks of brown pieces of some mix spread on the top. It looked a bit too brown to be a regular cake or bread, making him wonder if Alice accidentally burned it.

Seeing him look at her baking, Alice peeped with a sliver of terror before scurrying to him, trying to push him out. “Don’t look at it! I messed up,” she rushed, unable to make the solid brick that is her husband to even budge. “You were suppose to come home later, after I clean everything up and started dinner to hide the smell -!”

He was careful to grab her wrists and bring her hands up. Holding her thumbs propped out to him, he kissed the irritated skin and then her palms, turning his head left and right each time before standing to look down to her.

“What are you trying to hide, baby doll? It’s not my birthday...is it?” Flip was terrible at remembering his own birthday, since he usually had other things in mind (but always remembered Alice’s birthday, or their wedding anniversary), but he was sure of himself that he still had some odd months until then. “You’re acting like you’re tryin’ to hide a body on me.”

Alice went red in the cheeks out of mere embarrassment, pouting so cutely at him to see her getting more bothered at being caught - with whatever she’s doing. “I was planning on surprising you with it, but now it’s all ruined. How is it that guys always walk in on surprises all the time? You know, your mother told me the story of how you always seem to ‘walk-in’ on her wrapping your birthday and holiday presents? Passover and Hanukkah, you had her routine down and -”

“You’re not answering me, honey.” Flip cupped her cheeks and squished them up, making her look like a chipmunk with too much food in its cheeks. He gave her an encouraging smirk and shook her head gently. “C’mon, what are you trying to do here?”

Alice huffed and puffed a bit, unable to meet his gaze as she caved in. “I’m trying to make your mother’s chocolate babka,” she confessed, and it all came together as he grinned.

“Is that why she called so goddamn early today?”

Nodding, Alice sunk her cheeks into his palms, seeming to try to look down. “I called her last week, asking if she would tell me her recipe, or where I can find a good one in magazines or books, for starting out,” she explained. “She said she’d call me as soon as she found hers, and we spent all morning rewriting it over the phone and double-checking. I honestly thought you would be home later, so I would have time to call her back before dinner to see what I did wrong.”

“Why’re you trying to hide it from me, Alice?”

“You mentioned a couple weeks back how you missed your mom’s chocolate babka, and I figured it was about time I tried to make something special to you, since your parents live a long ways away now,” she admitted, tugging his wrists to let go of her face and sighed. “I didn’t want to push your mother, since it always seemed so special in your family, but she was...really happy I asked. I just feel like I would have let her down by burning them, even with step-by-step instructions.”

Flip just hummed before reaching over to the still-hot pan, tearing off a decent chunk of the top. Before Alice could stop him, he shoved as much of the bread into his mouth; it was a good thing that his hands were callous enough to ignore the burn, and the fact that he always drank his coffee as hot as possible to be used to it in his mouth, and he just threw his head back and began chewing.

“Flip, you ass! Spit that out!” Alice hissed, trying to reach to the piece hanging immaturely out of his mouth, like a mother trying to take a hazard out of a toddler’s mouth...when the toddler happens to be over six feet tall. Flip was behaving like a bird trying to eat a chunk of burger whole. “I don’t want you to eat it when it’s all burned like that!”

Being able to chew and swallow the first bite and then start working on the remaining bit, making crumbs stick to his facial hair and sprinkle into the collar of his flannel. Alice tried to remain grumpy with him, but there was a smile on her face.

“You’re a jerk, you know that?” she told him with a muffled laugh in her voice, shoving her face into his shoulder when he playfully patted her ass with his clean hand. She tried to brush the crumbs from his shirt while he finished eating with a grin on his face.

Once swallowing, Flip was quick to cup her face with his clean hand, squish her cheeks to pucker her lips and gave her a deep kiss. His wife made a noise, a cute one that reminded him of whenever he would tease her to get her into the mood, and he smiled against her mouth before breaking the kiss. He snickered at the sight of her trying to wipe the dark crumbs he stuck to her face with her sleeve.

“I don’t know what you were complaining about, babydoll, but this tastes pretty damn good to me,” Flip told her confidently, licking his lips before kissing along her cheek repeatedly. Hugging her in his arms, to prevent her from escaping, he hummed a chuckle when she eventually went limp in his arms.

“You’re just saying that because you’re my husband who ruined the surprise I tried to make,” she sniffed with amusement, causing him to angle her face again to kiss her lips. Sighing against his mouth, she pulled back and he went back to nuzzling her neck with kisses and gentle touches. “I think I’m going to call Ma and ask her to show me how to do it properly. We should really have them visit for a weekend - the weather is suppose to be nice next month, and there’s going to be some community events that they would like -”

“You’re the most amazing woman in the whole damn world,” he said against her skin, squeezing her for a moment. “I love you so damn much.”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to butter me up for, but it’s not working. I’m still upset you -”

He hushed her with a deep kiss, making her whine and have it fall into giggles when he didn’t let up. Rocking them both while he just gave her kisses and making her laugh when he used his teeth on the tickle spots on her pulse, making her shiver, Flip took a deep breath and let himself just feel at home. Feeling Alice snuggle her face into his shoulder, he knew he got her right where he wanted her.

“I still want to eat the rest of it,” he told her warmly, nuzzling his large nose into her hair lovingly. “I think it tastes pretty fuckin’ great.”

“It’s burnt, and I bet it doesn’t taste anything like your m -”

“Probably burnt because I have a smokin’ hot wife, and the babka couldn’t handle it.” This made them both laugh at his unusual corniness to the point that Flip snorted, only making Alice laugh harder against him at the whole situation. “I really do like it, Alice. I’m proud of you,” he told her honestly. He knew why she wanted it to be ‘perfect’, and why she was making this a big fuss. He knew his wife, and he watched her stare into his eyes, unshedding tears welling up in hers as she sniffed and smiled.

“Thank you…”

Flip smirked adoringly and wriggled himself against her. “And, I love you very, very much,” he told her, making her smile bashfully.

“I love you, too, hot shot. Very, very much...even though you ruined the surprise.”

“I can be surprised next time,” he promised her with a cheeky grin. “So, can I have another bite, or are we going to have to tango again?”

XXX.

taglist of buds: @ayatimascd @adamsnackdriver @babbushka @formerly-anonhamster @the-wayward-rose @ben-solo (please message if you would be interested in being added to the oneshot tags!)

So, I understand German pretty well, but I can not for the life of me speak/write it properly. I want to refine my speaking ability, even though I don’t use it for anything in my everyday life...I just find it fun. I like learning languages and learning phrases!

I figured, for Flip being a Jewish man and (possibly) marrying someone who would either be a) not Jewish, or, b) from of German ancestry (especially if they were first generation), would kinda show how he personally handles his own identity with his in-laws and how is ‘affects’ his marriage. In my opinion, I think anyone who would be with Flip wouldn’t look at him as any different or anything negative than the man they love him for, but would want to still be respectful in the same while.

I hope you enjoyed and will let me know what you thought! I really do appreciate feedback and knowing what you think. Thank you again for reading!!

#pilotanonwrites #pilotanonblerb #flip zimmerman x reader #flips wife #flip zimmerman #oc/reader insert #reader insert #female reader insert #female reader

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tabloidtoc · 3 years

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National Enquirer, December 28

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Ghislaine Maxwell scandal explodes

Page 2: George Clooney was rushed to the hospital after rapidly dropping 28 pounds to play an ailing astronomer in his latest movie The Midnight Sky and the harrowing incident has infuriated worried wife Amal Clooney -- George’s scare came when he was diagnosed with life-threatening pancreatitis days before he was scheduled to start filming on a glacier in Finland -- Amal was unhappy and angry that he put his health on the line for the role and she was also furious because this wasn’t the first time the father of her twins has been in harm’s way and she’s demanding he take better care of himself so he’ll be around to care for his kids

Page 3: Lori Loughlin’s deluded daughter Olivia Jade Giannulli is clueless over the college admissions scandal that landed her parents in jail and believes her own hype according to a body language expert -- in an interview on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talk Olivia claimed she had no idea posing for pictures on a rowing machine to finagle a crew scholarship to the University of Southern California despite never having practiced the sport was deceitful but body language expert Susan Constantine said Olivia doesn’t appear to have any understanding of the consequences of her actions or those of mom Lori and dad Mossimo Giannulli -- after observing Olivia’s confession Constantine said she didn’t notice any deceptive indicators such as pauses in her speech or shrugging of her shoulders however she labeled Olivia completely unequivocally oblivious which she said made it challenging to judge Olivia’s truthfulness

Page 4: Lonely Diane Keaton is longing for love and she’s turned to former flame Jack Nicholson for help in landing a new guy -- Diane is truly desperate to find a man and she knows if there’s one person who can help her navigate the dating scene after all this time it’s Jack -- the Oscar-winning actress shocked the world when she recently admitted she hasn’t been on a date in 35 years and she made a joke of it but the pandemic has made her realize how lonely she really is -- Diane would never date Jack again but knows he has a lot of eligible friends who would fit her dating profile

* Dying Olivia Newton-John worries endlessly about her daughter Chloe and made a touching final request of close pal John Travolta: Please take care of Chloe after I’m gone -- Olivia’s concerns for Chloe spiked after she blasted the COVID-19 vaccine on social media writing that natural medicine is the party she belongs to -- Olivia has been battling stage 4 breast cancer while John lost his wife Kelly Preston to the same disease and John loves and admires Olivia for the way she’s battled this disease and she’s given him the hope and encouragement he needs -- now Chloe’s ongoing issues have pushed Olivia to beg John to pledge he’ll be there for her daughter because Chloe has spent over $450,000 on multiple plastic surgeries including breast enhancements and a nose job and lip enhancements and Botox and she’s also battled anorexia and depression which led to bouts with cocaine and alcohol addiction -- Olivia has always been deeply concerned about who would look out for Chloe if she wasn’t around and now that she can see the end is near she asked John to be that person; he never blinked an eye and said of course

Page 5: Ozzy Osbourne’s frail and feeble appearance has friends fearing for the rocker but he has no plans to abandon a 2022 comeback even if it kills him -- the 72-year-old singer has battled Parkinson’s disease and crippling nerve damage but has vowed he will die onstage -- nobody disputes he has the heart of a lion and it’s great to see him out and about again recording music and talking the good talk but ultimately Ozzy is a very sickly guy who needs to protect himself and not charge around trying to delude himself by living life at a pace that doesn’t make sense anymore

Page 6: Rattled reality star Kylie Jenner is living in fear after being terrorized by two crazed fans and is now spending $350,000 a month on a 25-person security detail -- Kylie filed court documents seeking a restraining order against Justin Bergquist who allegedly broke into her $36.5 million California home last month

Page 7: Lonely Ryan Seacrest may have nearly half a billion bucks in the bank but he’d trade in his riches for another shot at love -- he was so devastated by his breakup with on-again off-again galpal Shayna Taylor last summer he fears he may never find a woman to spend the rest of his life with and he now realizes her put his career before his personal life one too many times and may suffer for it forever -- Ryan’s recent health woes have been a wake-up call and forced him to understand the price he’s paying for taking his partners for granted for so long -- Ryan now realizes life is too short to go it alone and it’s finally dawned on him he’s not invincible and not so self-sufficient after all

* Miley Cyrus’ admission that she’s had a lot of FaceTime sex has left friends and advisers fearing she may be setting herself up for some unwanted exposure -- though Miley explained she’s turned to virtual hookups to avoid physical contact during the pandemic but she’s putting herself at an entirely different kind of risk and she’s setting herself up as a potential victim of revenge porn

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Brooke Burke showed off her toned figure in Malibu, Andrew Garfield looked bored on the NYC set of Tick Tick...Boom!, Busy Philipps cleaning, Audrina Patridge and her daughter Kirra on a Beverly Hills playdate

Page 11: Guy Fieri is eating up heaps of praise for handing out $500 grants to more than 43,000 restaurant workers across the nation -- he scrambled to raise over $21.5 million in seven weeks to help legions of unemployed restaurant laborers who have suffered financially due to the COVID-19 health and economic crisis -- through his new Restaurant Employee Relief Fund Guy personally buttonholed fat cats at cash-rich corporations such as PepsiCo and Uber Eats and Moet Hennessy USA to make donations -- he shows how he did it and shines a light on the industry’s continuing challenges in Restaurant Hustle 2020 a documentary he produced for the Food Network

* Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood are spreading yuletide cheer with their TV holiday special but they’re more interested in ringing cash registers than Christmas bells -- Garth and Trisha rake in $60 million a year from concert ticket sales and CD purchases and merchandising but the couple saw their cash flow slow during the pandemic -- they lost a bunch of money but they had the unique opportunity to do TV specials and grab a big chunk of it back -- while the $10 million they are pocketing for their TV specials won’t make up for what they would have netted on tour it was a sweet stocking stuffer and they both want to get back on the road and really rake it in but TV has made the wait a lot easier

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- With Beyonce and Taylor Swift facing off for Song of the Year at the upcoming Grammy Awards producers are scrambling to prevent another Kanye West explosion like what happened in 2009

* Killing off The Talk may be the only hope of saving Drew Barrymore’s tanking talk show

* The Real Housewives of New York are treating the first Black cast member Eboni K. Williams with kid gloves because no one wants to come across as racist

* Niecy Nash and Jessica Betts (picture)

Page 13: January Jones’ desperate bid for online attention has pals concerned she may be cracking up -- her red-hot career appears to have cooled since Mad Men ended in 2015 and January is dying to land another plum part like Betty Draper but she’s going about it the wrong way -- she’s been posting sexy bikini pictures and leggy dance numbers on Instagram but that’s not the way to catch the eye of casting directors especially with so few shows in production during the COVID-19 lockdown

* Caitlyn Jenner has reached out to trans actor Elliot Page offering to be his big sister in an opportunistic PR ploy -- while Caitlyn was one of many trans celebs including Jazz Jennings and Geena Rocero to offer Elliot congratulations and support, Caitlyn viewed the announcement as a new opportunity to leap back into the limelight and she believes that by aligning herself with Elliot she can regain her status as an activist and the symbol of transgender rights in Hollywood -- Elliot is happy to listen to Caitlyn’s advice but he’s been navigating his gender issues for years and doesn’t need guidance and he’s not going to be rude but he doesn’t need the help

Page 14: Crime

Page 15: A never-before-heard audio recording is of iconic soul singer James Brown’s wish to leave his $100 million fortune to educate poor children -- in the garbled 1999 recording the singer who died suddenly in 2006 called the creation of his I Feel Good foundation his lasting legacy but his precious foundation has not seen a dime because his fortune has remained tied up in court since his death which is the subject of an investigation by the Fulton County, Georgia District Attorney’s office after allegations surfaced that Brown might have been poisoned by someone after his money

Page 16: American Life

Page 17: What Shocked and Rocked in 2020 -- the best scoops and stories of the year

Page 25: Fired Hillsong Church pastor Carl Lentz was so starstruck by his celebrity parishioners he believed he was a star himself and his ego fueled his shocking fall from grace and now he’s getting mental health treatment after being accused of cheating on his wife and getting sacked for moral failures -- Carl tended the trendy megachurch’s New York City flock and regularly rubbed shoulders with celebs including NBA star Kevin Durant and singer Selena Gomez and even once invited Justin Bieber to live with him before being booted by bigwigs but now he’s said to be getting help at an outpatient facility specializing in depression and pastoral burnout but cunning Carl may have made the move simply to revamp his wrecked reputation

Page 26: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are heading to couples therapy in a desperate bid to stay together because their marriage is hanging by a thread -- the pair are at each other’s throats as they struggle to adjust to their new life in America -- Harry’s gone from being excited about the move to feeling tortured and it’s like he swapped his royal prison in Britain for a new hell in a $14 million California mansion and he fears he’s made a terrible mistake but Meghan’s ordering him to man up and grab this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make millions away from the monarchy’s suffocating shadow -- the fighting came to a head before the holidays when Harry was feeling especially homesick and guilty about abandoning his family especially his brother Prince William and his grandmother Queen Elizabeth -- adding to their troubles Meghan seems hellbent on staying in the public eye during the pandemic and she masterminded their personal video calls to charities in London and the U.S. and the secret deliveries of meals to the needy but then she made them public and the truth is it’s The Meghan Show now and Harry’s just the side act

Page 27: A charming Chinese spy bedded two Midwestern mayors and courted other clueless politicians to weasel her way into U.S. government circles -- Chinese national Christina Fang also known as Fang Fang, reportedly entered the U.S. as a college student in 2011

Page 31: Candice Bergen moaned that at the age of 74 she’s a wreck and that she has a wattle -- Candice admitted to having her eyes done while filming the Murphy Brown reboot because they were very hooded and as for today she knows she should have injections because she has deep lines along her lip but she can’t take the pain

* Rachael Ray lost her New York home to a blazing inferno but her holidays were salvaged by the warmth of community spirit -- following the devastating fire she and her husband moved into the property’s guesthouse and in a clip on The Rachael Ray Show the emotional host showed off her festively decorated digs and gushed she didn’t know where she’d be without friends and a community and people so dear to her that helped her bring Christmas to life even when you’re not at home

Page 32: Health Watch -- blood test predicts Alzheimer’s

Page 34: Longtime lovebirds Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell are hoping to make a movie with their whole family -- the star-studded cast would include Goldie’s kids Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson and the couple’s son Wyatt Russell -- as for filming with the entire gang Goldie gushed that they have thought about it and she’d love to do something with her kids and the grandchildren too

* Hollywood Hookups -- Kristin Cavallari and Jeff Dye heating up, Malik Beasley and Larsa Pippen dating but Malik’s wife Montana Yao filed for divorce, Chrishell Stause and Keo Motsepe dating

Page 36: Infamous Hollywood hotel Chateau Marmont has a storied history of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll ever since it opened its doors in 1929 and nearly a century later it hasn’t been tamed -- even during the pandemic the majestic hotel is wild with drunks, overdoses and luckily averted suicide attempts and according to 911 records the debauched celebrity haunt is filled with people having breakdowns -- the Chateau’s crazy days and nights are legendary: it’s where John Belushi died in one of the bungalows in 1982 from a deadly cocaine-heroin concoction

Page 38: One of the most iconic images from the James Bond films which is a handgun used by Sean Connery in Dr. No has sold for $256,000 at auction in Beverly Hills -- the gun is a deactivated semi-automatic Walther PP pistol -- the winning bidder who asked to remain anonymous is an American who’s seen every James Bond film with his children -- a helmet created for Tom Cruise in Top Gun also sold at the auction for $108,000 while a sword used by Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction sold for $35,200

* Dolly Parton has one major thing left on her bucket list which is she wants to see Beyonce sing Jolene one of the country star’s signature songs -- Jolene has been recorded more than any other song Dolly has ever written but that isn’t enough for her because she also wants to see it updated by one of the top female stars of a new generation -- it has been recorded worldwide over 400 times in lots of different languages but nobody’s ever had a really big hit record on it and Dolly always hoped somebody might do it someday by someone like Beyonce

* Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has wrestled his way into the alcohol market with his own tequila brand and lifted it into first place as the most successful spirit launch in history and he’s even on track to double George Clooney’s first-year launch -- Dwayne is expected to move more than 300,000 cases of small-batch Teremana Tequila in its first year of trading

Page 40: Smitten singer Rihanna has fallen hard for A$AP Rocky but friends fear the playboy rapper will leave her broken-hearted -- Rocky is a charming guy but he also has a love ‘em and leave ‘em reputation and everyone’s concerned she’s more into him than he is into her -- Rihanna’s desperate to meet a man she can see herself with for the rest of her life and she believes Rocky might be the one but everybody thinks she’s rushing into things with Rocky -- Rocky is not interested in a long-term romance and Rihanna shouldn’t be thinking of this as more than a port in the storm

* Lizzo is livin’ large and she’s showing every inch of her jiggles and folds on TikTok -- the body-positivity enthusiast wore a white bikini for an all-angles video in which she amply demonstrated the tricks models and celebs use to look slimmer -- she bared her belly and back and legs and sometimes jiggled her thighs or grabbed a hunk of herself to prove there’s more to luscious ladies than meets the eye and wrote, “Wild to see the body positive movement come so far. Proud of the big girls who gave it wings.”

Page 42: Red Carpet -- The Crown stars -- Claire Foy, Emma Corrin, Gillian Anderson, Vanessa Kirby, Erin Doherty

Page 47: Odd List -- baseball fan Darren Johnson hatched an unusual idea for his new chicken coop making it a model of Houston’s former Eighth Wonder of the World The Astrodome

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barnaclehead · 4 years

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A little quick covid update from here:

Dad’s been feeling a little better, thank fucking god. Had about a thousand phone calls today. Of course with the GGD, confirming dad tested positive.

It feels awfully quiet and I just hope to god its not the silence before a horrible storm... but oh my anxiety is screaming exactly that at me

If everything will go alright and as good as possible, dad can go outside again after his symptoms have gone for a whole 24 hours. no idea when of course, we hope next week.

But, and i should know this myself but okay, mom and i still have to stay inside for another 10 days after dads symptoms have gone (so earliest about like, 3 weeks, i don’t need fresh air till december lol)

I scheduled yet another test for mum next thurday, just to be sure. GGD told me to closely moniter both my parents and myself of course. Mom has been having a stuffy nose and a little cough and every single sniffle sends me right into a panic attack. (u kno, with her being diabetic, heart-patient, overweight, disabled and over 60)

Our downstairs toilet is broken and we didn’t have the money to fix it, so i pulled out my last savings to get it fixed asap. We have to use the same toilet/bathroom now :/ put stickers on every risk point (each light switch, doorhandel etc) and the rule to clean all of them whenever ur done on the toilet.

Called work this morning to beg I could please work only mornings, have another call about that tomorrow (god when will the phonecalls end)

anyway, im also quitting school because i literally cannot take the extra stress anymore

im so tired i dont have energy to (almost) lose a parent (again)

#potato blogging #dont read the read more its just more drama and me stressing the fuck out #im sorry i need to rant to cope a bit #ugh im also already halway thru my animaniacs rewatch and I NEED a comfort show like this in these times

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daddysgirlblog · 3 years

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Daddy’s Little Girl

My father is in the hospital, and I don’t know if he will ever leave.

At 83 years old, he lives alone, just a few doors down from my brother.

Twenty-three days ago Dad suddenly got dizzy and fell in his closet. He was rushed to the hospital, where he was quickly diagnosed with Covid. He was barely symptomatic, but his lungs were full, and he needed 100% oxygen and all the drugs the ER had on hand.

I was not surprised. I knew it was only a matter of time before I got that call. Dad didn’t think he needed a mask around others, so I knew he would eventually catch this highly contagious aerosolized virus.

My brother is a lot like him. Even as a kid he was Mr. Don’t Tread On Me. It always had to be his way, and he used his size and testosterone to push me around. But he was my baby brother, so I kept looking past his transgressions to maintain a relationship with him. I don’t know why, though. It truly has been the most empty, lonely relationship of my life.

It was no surprise that my brother and his wife caught Covid a few days before Christmas. In the early days of his infection, I was worried that my brother might die, as he is not a healthy guy, a size 3XL and heart attack survivor. I felt bad for him a little bit, but I was also a little bit glad that he was suffering. It felt like Karma.

I found myself wondering if I was about to lose the only two family members I had left.

Last summer, when I visited Dad, he didn’t think we needed to wear masks while I was in his house. I brought him lunch and other goodies. I held my ground on masks, reminding him that he was older and receiving chemotherapy, and it was important that we both wear masks to protect him from coronavirus. He reluctantly obliged, but continued to question the need to eat outside, and my ongoing concern about the virus.

“Do you wear masks around Noah (my brother) and Sarah (his wife)? His kids are attending school in person, do you wear masks around them?” It was a resounding “no” on all fronts. They drive him to doctor appointments and bring him groceries, and no one ever puts on a mask.

I’ve always known that my brother is self-absorbed (and his wife is, too), but I didn’t understand, and I still don’t understand, why Dad would not protect himself by wearing a mask, knowing that he is high-risk. He is a big Trump supporter (another thing I don’t understand), so it was clear that he would not change his mind. I prepared myself for the inevitability of his infection many months before it actually happened.

It’s been almost four weeks since the fall that sent Dad to the hospital. After his first two weeks of ER to ICU to finally a regular room, his lungs healed a good bit. They checked him out of the hospital with oxygen and a wheelchair, and into a managed care facility. That didn’t last long. He started getting confused and having panic attacks. He called me in the middle of the night in a tizzy. The managed care facility could not offer him enough support, and they realized he had been released too soon. Back to the hospital he went.

In Covid times, I can’t visit Dad in the hospital, but I have called him every morning and evening since he got admitted. We have talked more in the past 3 weeks than we did in all of 2020. Our relationship is complicated, and our talks leave me feeling untethered, as they always have in my adult life. But I call him anyway, because it is the right thing to do.

I have spent decades in therapy, trying to heal my past with him. I see it all much more clearly now, but still feel traumatized by every interaction with my father.

Even so, I still keep showing up for him, in every way that I can. Checking in on him, and trying to support him as he fights to reclaim what he can of the life he had before.

He is my father, and I think I love him, but I also hate him. How is that even possible? It’s so confusing.

Hate is a new thing for me. I never hated anyone in my entire life until recently. I grew up in the church and have a strong moral compass. Throughout my life, I forgave, or at least moved on from, all of my dad’s violations of my boundaries, telling myself it was better to keep the peace. I did this with others as well, and I am only now realizing that do unto others as you would have done is not always the best approach.

The world has changed a lot in the past 5 years, and my faith in people has slipped away from me. My faith in the church has slipped away from me as well. I still believe in God, but I don’t like Christians very much.

I know I am partly to blame for the insecurity and sadness that I can’t seem to shake. I wish I was more resilient, more confident, more optimistic. But life has beaten me down and I feel completely broken right now. I have allowed my dad, my brother and so many others to walk all over me, and destroy my self esteem. I am so deep in the hole, that it feels like I will never find my way back out.

I am aware of my shortcomings, and I think I am getting better at maintaining boundaries. But with that has come a wave of anger, hatred and resentment that makes me want to throw up, pretty much all the time. It also feels like too little, too late.

I blame my Dad for that. The emotional abuse and neglect of my childhood has left me with wounds so deep, that I never know how to feel about anyone anymore. I question myself and struggle to trust others, even my husband and kids.

All of these conflicts swell in my chest every time I call my dad. I wonder if he will pick up every. single. time. Is he still alive? Will he be better or worse today? Will this be the last time I talk to him? How do I feel about that? Do I want him to live? Why? Do I want him to die? Why?

He picked up when I rang this morning, but it sounded like he was slurring his words. This is a first for him. He is normally sharp as a tack, with an MBA from a near-ivy league school and a 60 year career as a finance executive.

Thanks to Covid, however, he does not have even half the life he had a month ago. Dad can no longer walk and uses a bedpan. He is confused often, and thought he crapped all over himself this morning. The nurse came to check after he rang, and it turned out he hadn’t gone at all.

This confusion is new. I wonder if he had a small stroke? I talked to the nurse and she didn’t seem concerned, but she said I know him best so she can’t tell if he is talking different or acting different. She agreed to keep an eye on him today and look for signs of stroke.

Dad is better today than the past few weeks. I guess they don’t think he is going to die because of covid now, but it still feels to me like the end of his life.

The doctors said it was a miracle he survived the first week of Covid. I felt certain he wouldn’t, as he said “I love you” to me though the phone with a finality that made me shake, not once, but in three separate conversations.

What I am really struggling with is three rounds of thinking I just hung up with my Dad for the last time, preparing myself for his death, accepting it, and then learning that he wasn’t dying after all. Am I a bad person for feeling relieved that the end of our relationship was in sight? That I could finally cross the finish line and say goodbye to my abuser? He never beat me physically, but he still injures me all the time with his words, beliefs, and neglect.

It wasn't always like that. Until 4th grade, I was the center of his universe. Dad spent his evenings and weekends playing games with me, teaching me piano, and reading me books. He was the best man in the entire world, and I was so proud of him. Once my parents separated, however, it all changed. He started ignoring me, and my needs took a backseat to his own.

I was no longer the conductor in our relationship, I was the caboose. I was along for the ride as he pursued someone who was not my mother, married her, and made her the center of his universe, until she died in 2017. It was a co-dependent relationship that left no room for any other woman, even his own daughter. Another story for another day, but Dad’s remarriage rocked my world like nothing else ever has.

I know I am not alone in how I feel. I am not the only woman in the world that was cherished and held up as Daddy’s little girl, until she got old enough to think for herself. Lots of people get divorced and the kids pay the price.

And of course I am not the only one who was emotionally abandoned by her father during her pre-teen years. And I am not the only one who feels unworthy and powerless in her interactions with her father, even as a 49 year old mother of 3 girls. I am not the only one who sees this dynamic impair her marriage, and make her question her right to have her own needs met.

So I think I will try to sort it out by writing about it. I hope that if I write my story, it will help me feel more grounded in my grown up life. It’s all so complicated, and I struggle to put it into words, but it feels like I have to try. And maybe I can do it in a way that might help someone else. I hate feeling so lost and scared, and would never wish it on my worst enemy.

I’m not looking for validation, just a way to make sense of how I feel. Thank you for reading along.

#psychology #fathersanddaughters #covid #coronavirus #anxiety #depression #2021

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binkysteebnpewter · 4 years

Note

All of them 😤

Ehehe 😂💗

1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?

Grace is actually my middle name, and somewhat. I just don’t like it when my family calls me by first and middle together.

2. are you artistic?

Somewhat?

3. Have you had your first kiss?

Yes

4. What is your life goal?

It’s cheesy and a little cliche, but I want to find Home.

5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?

Nope

6. Do you play any sports?

Not anymore but I used to play football and I was on the wrestling team in HS

7. What’s your worst fear?

I have two that are sort of equal with another but I’m afraid of losing the people I care about and people seeing me the way I see myself.

8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?

My late Nana, Gloria.

9. Do you have any cool talents?

Answered in previous ask

10. are you a morning person?

Not at all

11. How do you feel about pet names?

I love them

12. Do you like to read?

Absolutely

13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.

NCIS, Criminal Minds, and any marvel movie

14. Do you care about your follower count?

Not really, I’ll celebrate milestones but that’s just to show everyone I appreciate them following my trash pile. I didn’t start writing to have a high following, I started writing to better my skill and also make people happy.

15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?

I don’t remember most of my happy dreams

16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?

Yep!

17. Do you have any pets?

I have three dogs 🥺💗

18. Are you religious?

No. They only thing I actually believe in is ghosts.

19. Are you a people person?

Not really

20. Are you considered popular?

Nope, and I don’t care to be

21. What is one of your bad habits?

Overthinking

22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?

Opening up my emotions to other people

23. What would you name your children?

No clue

24. Who’s your celebrity crush?

There’s a bunch ig

25. What’s your best subject?

Science and history

26. Dogs or cats?

Dogs, I love cats but I’m super allergic

27. most used social media besides tumblr?

I don’t use a lot of social media tbh, so tumblr is probably my most used unless you count youtube

28. best friends name

Duke

29. who does your main family consist of

My friends and my brother. Family isn’t just blood

30. Chocolate or sugar

Both

31. have you ever been on a date?

Yep

32. Do you like rollercosters?

Absolutely love them

33. Can you swim?

Yes 💗

34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse?

Clearly, I’d do what everyone else does. Panic and try to survive.

35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder?

Yes, I struggle with anxiety and depression

36. Are your parents together?

Nope.

37. What’s your favourite colour?

Dark green and Dark Blue

38. What country are you from/do you live in?

Unfortunately, the U.S

39. Favourite singer?

Uh... there’s too many to list? But my favorite people to listen to is The Oh Hellos

40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?

Nope, I run from being the center of attention.

41. Do you like dresses?

Not really

42. Favourite song right now?

Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra

43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Sort of.

44. How old were you when you first got your period?

No clue, I don’t remember

45. Have you ever shot a gun?

Yep

46. Have you ever done yoga?

47. Are you a horror girl?

YES 😈

48. Are you good at giving advice?

I suppose I am?

49. Tell us a story about your childhood.

I don’t have a lot of happy memories but one that sticks out is: I used to go to a private Christian academy and I was in first grade when this boy in eighth grade (the entire school was k-12) came over to me during my lunch. I was super scared and shy as a kid so my schedule was tailored so I was able to eat lunch with my brother whose nine years older than me. Our mom forgot to pack our lunches so we were gonna just get some stuff from the vending machine, well my brother gave me my money to get something and this boy came over to me before I could put it in the vending machine. He hit me and took my money, buying himself something with it. My brother seen it and got into a fight with him.

50. How are you doing today?

51. Were you a cute kid?

I looked like Shirley Temple when I was a kid

52. Can you dance?

I can swing dance and slow dance, but that’s it.

53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?

I always look for exits and bathrooms when I go somewhere, I’ve always done it 🤷🏻‍♀️

54. Have you ever dyed your hair?

No because I’m a ginger. I can’t just dye it back if I end up not liking the color I dyed it to.

55. What colour are your eyes?

Brown

56. What’s your favourite animal?

Answered in previous ask

57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?

Multiple times

58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

My relationship with my dad is rocky but my relationship with my mother went up in flames a few yeaes ago 🤷🏻‍♀️

59. Do you have good friends?

I have some amazing friends🥺💗

60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?

Yep!

61. What’s your favourite class?

My favorite class was Psychology

62. List all the tv shows you are watching.

I’m rewatching Criminal Minds right now.

63. Are you organized?

Somewhat?

64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?

I don’t know if it counts as a movie but I just finished a Ted Bundy Tapes Documentary. I think Bundy was a little bit of an idiot.

67. Which tv character do you relate to most?

Spencer Reid

68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?

Anxiety, Depression, overthinking

69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?

I would probably still work, I’m not a fan of sitting around and doing nothing for large amounts of time.

70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?

Find a way to die, I don’t want to live forever. That’s just torture 👀

71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?

Nothing. I’ll act the same as I always have because I am who I am, there’s no reason to change yourself from when someone is watching and when someone isn’t.

72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?

A lot 😂

73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Yep

74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?

I went to Disney with my Chorus Class in Junior Year of HS, it was my first time to Disney.

75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?

Nothing, I’m looking for Home. Home will be someone I feel safe with, someone I can be completely myself with— someone I love wholly.

76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?

I— idk?

77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

I wanted to be a nurse 🤦🏻‍♀️

78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?

Im not sure

79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?

Ooh... uh, something happened to me all through 7th, 8th, and 9th grade that I should’ve spoken up about but was too scared.

80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.

I will work hard to love myself and pursue my dream job.

81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?

No clue tbh

82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?

I don’t want to live forever but I guess I’d find a way to take away my immortality or find someone else who is immortal to love

83. How would you spend a billion dollars?

Id put a lot into important causes and then save some with interest.

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?

I’m not sure, I think I wouldn’t go anywhere because I want to live in the moment. Except 2020, fuck 2020.

85. What motivates you to succeed?

Failure motivates me to succeed.

86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?

I don’t remember most of my happy dream, I usually can only remember the nightmares 🤷🏻‍♀️

87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?

Woods, its peaceful.

88. Do you believe in life after death?

I don’t really believe in anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?

I had a teacher named Ms Eagan and she inspired me to always be myself.

90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?

Meeting Lily

91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?

Lily, because I really miss her.

92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?

Anyone being nice to me makes me cry—

93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?

Sometimes the people you call family don’t truly love you.

94. What do you think happens after we die?

Idk and idrc either tbh

95. What would you do if you would be invisible?

I’d probably scare some people

96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?

Speak in public or ask for something at restaurants

97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?

98. How did your first crush develop?

They were nice to me when no one else was

99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?

Yes, I’m trying to ignore how upset some people can really make me.

100. Do you live or do you just exist?

I think I’m somewhere in between, where sometimes I’m just existing and sometimes I’m living.

#grace speaks #100 questions #@breadgenie892 #ill protect my munchkins 😌💗#my munchkins 🥺💗

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toussaintsteachings · 3 years

Text

Put Down Your Weapons

“The 22nd of July”

https://www.netflix.com/search?q=mass%20shooting&jbv=80210932

“A Killer on Floor 32″

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVfzxLvIxi8

Gun control is a topic of discussion in the United States which many Americans seem conflicted about. People advocating against the use of gun control and gun reform have consistently expressed concerns regarding the second amendment in the constitution, the right to bear arms. Many pro-gun Americans believe this is an invasion of privacy and does not represent a democracy that we pride ourselves in. Along with the infringement of privacy those who are pro gun feel that laws involving gun control will limit the ability for people to protect themselves and even lose hobbies like hunting with the progression of gun reform. Individuals who see the need for gun reform and gun control are adamant that the presence of these guns is in fact a risk to people's safety. They stress how easy and available guns are to the public, bringing people to forget how dangerous such common commodities are to the public eye. Our gun culture as a country stems from our revolutionary roots throughout colonial history. In the second amendment it states, “ A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” Pro gun individuals insist that the second amendment protects the individual's rights to own guns and allows them to protect themselves and their families whenever a threat becomes real. With the relevance of mass shootings in our country especially throughout the past decade, people who are not pro gun believe that having guns around is doing more damage to society than protecting individuals. The easy access along with the new technology that breeds these killing machines are not the same guns that were used to protect ourselves when the Constitution was written. They believe the answer is not to abolish all gun ownership but to look into the laws and writing of the constitution and see if there is a common ground in which we can still have guns, but be safer with them.

My father is a retired marine and correctional officer at the maximum security prison, Sing Sing. My dad is a Republican and is very conservative in his views, but gun control is always something that he has been relatively progressive about when we talk. When I was growing up we never had a gun in our house, specifically for the reason that my dad associated guns with violence and having them in the house increases the likelihood they will be used in a time or place when they are not needed. After he retired he did armed security for a while. This was a job that required him to have a license to carry and own a handgun and was the first time that we had a gun in our household my entire life. In my family we never hunted or use guns as a hobby, so it is tough for me to acknowledge and understand the persistence of people who support guns for this specific reason. This helps me shape the severity of my stance when it comes to gun control and how I feel as if this is a major cause of violence in our country. Being someone who completed their K-12 education, lockdown drills, and active shooter drills was something that we rehearsed a couple of times a year. This was one of my biggest fears growing up, being involved in a school shooting, and how that would cause so much trauma to the individuals involved. Mass shooting alone fuels the fire when it comes to gun control and reform. This is not a matter of guns or no guns, but a middleground to please both parties. I believe that there are ways to allow us as Americans to feel safe and protected that do not involve arming every citizen. In addition, the accessibility level is another major issue when discussing gun control.

My friend from home called me over a week or two ago to hang out. I walked into his house and my friend Chase was standing in his living room with a semiautomatic rifle, with a smile on his face. My immediate reaction was to ask him where and how he got it. He proceeded to tell me how he walked into Dicks sporting goods, traveled back to the hunting section, provided an ID, followed by a quick background check, and walked out with the rifle all in the same hour. This is when I decided that I would write about gun control for my final paper and blog post. I wanted to write about this because in my eyes, guns scare me. I have never shot a real gun, or quite frankly even want to. I have grown up with an officer as my parent, and have heard many stories about how my dad almost lost his life with all of the gun violence he has encountered. The amount of damage that a gun causes, does not correlate with the difficulty of getting and owning a gun. The elimination or ban of guns would not address the problem. We have seen that throughout history when you tell a group of people or an individual that he or she may not do or partake in something, it only increases the likelihood of them disobeying. This was most popularly proved when the prohibition of alcohol was instated. People found every way in their power to not only consume, but illegally sell alcohol, regardless of the prohibition. This is not a way to cure the gun problem we have in our country, eliminating all guns will not work, and is not even a possible idea. People who are pushing for this need to realize that compromise will be the only way that we can properly address it and take into account society as a whole's belief, not just one side or the other. The need for reform is simply based on the amount of time that has passed. In the constitution guns were used for hunting and were oftentimes not even efficient or trustworthy enough to complete their original task. Now, technology has advanced these guns into killing machines that need active reform. The question is will these gun laws actually be effective.

An article I read from the National Center for health research, explained how guns are a part of U.S. culture. However, public opinion polls show that “85% of gun owners and non-gun owners support gun control laws like background checks.” Regardless of your take regarding gun control, the everyday citizen will agree a background check to own a gun is more than necessary. What was shocking that the article brought forward was that, 40% of gun sales do not go through a background check because they take place online, at gun shows, or through classified ads.(Manier, 2018) This was a shockingly high statistic, and even more reasoning for more efforts than a background check. Background checks are originally required by law under the “Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act of 1993.” The bill allows states to decide whether local law-enforcement or the FBI will do a background check for the individual attempting to purchase a firearm. The article stated how the “Brady Bill stopped 2.1 million gun purchases between 1994 and 2014—an average of 343 purchases per day. The law blocked 1 million felons, 291,000 domestic abusers, and 118,000 fugitives from purchasing a firearm.” The bill was extremely effective and the checks done at the local level were said to lower gun related suicides close to 25% and lower gun related murders to roughly 20%.(Manier, 2018) Although we see the effectiveness when conducting background checks and how it affects gun related crime and violence, there are still holes in the system that peak through. The bill has had times where it has failed to report felons to the federal databases. The story regarding Devin Kelley in 2017, explained how he entered a church in Texas and killed 26 people. “The Air Force failed to report Kelley, and other service members charged with serious convictions, to the federal gun background check database. If Kelley had been reported, he would have been stopped from buying a gun because of his previous domestic violence conviction.” I thought this was interesting that many of these stories include retired or ex military, and are often a demographic that slips through the cracks when discussing responsibility of gun violence. It was reported that the Army fails to report roughly 40% convictions, followed by the Navy, with a striking 36% of convictions not reported (Manier, 2018). I also believe there is a hole in background checks when it comes to mental health. A lot of the time individuals can go decades before being diagnosed with a mental health disorder that would not show up in a background check if they are not diagnosed and have had any convictions involving this illness. Someone who is bipolar, living with their parents but has not been diagnosed may just come off as an adolescent struggling with anger problems or behavioral issues, but when a background check is done this will not come up on paper even though this is a clear characteristic of someone who our society deems not fit to own or purchase a firearm. The data and statistics have proven that we need more than a background check for an individual to own a gun, period. It has proven to be a step in the right direction, but there are too many holes, and non reported conventions for this to be the only limit of gun control in a country with the highest prevalence of guns.

More effective laws and control appear as the article continues, starting with Missouri's “Permit to Purchase” this law requires people to get a permit from local law-enforcement before purchasing a gun. Oddly enough Missouri repealed its permit to purchase Law in 2007, resulting in roughly a 60% increase in the firearm homicide rate per year following the repeal (Manier, 2018). Connecticut had a similar permit to purchase law instituted in 1995. This installment of the permit to purchase resulted in close to a “40% drop in firearm homicides. There was no drop in non-firearm homicides, indicating that it was likely the permit-to-purchase law that prevented gun deaths.” Requiring a permit before purchasing a gun could help a substantial amount in efforts to reduce gun-related homicides. It is an additional safety net to ensure the buyer is an appropriate holder of a firearm. Another issue in gun control is the accessibility of automatic and semi automatic assault rifles. In 1934 the transfer of machine guns was taxed under the national firearms act in effort to discourage their use. Semi automatic weapons, which are categorized as burst guns, are illegal in most states but banned in California Connecticut Washington DC Massachusetts Maryland New Jersey and New York (Manier, 2018). What I thought was really interesting that the article touched on after stating that semi automatic weapons are legal in most states was the ability to turn a semi automatic rifle into an automatic rifle. It went into further detail of explaining accessories like a bump stock that was added to the exterior of the gun to make the gun shoot faster similar to an automatic rifle. The Las Vegas shooting in 2007 was an example of someone who purchased the accessories, like a bump stock, to modify the semi automatic rifles so they would fire like a machine gun. The technology of present day people allows there to be loopholes in many of the gun laws and reform.

I did a lot of research regarding other countries' gun laws, and how they change and additional reform has led to a decrease in gun violence. I watched a video produced by global news regarding where one of their examples included the “Australian Port massacre”. I also researched an article, titled “Are Gun Control Laws Effective in Reducing Gun Violence” where they touch on this example as well. A gunman armed with semi automatic weapons killed 35 people, while wounding 23 others. The country responded with fast reform and some of the most comprehensive firearm laws in the world. They started by buying back around 700,000 firearms (Semple, 2019). In addition, they banned civilian ownership of semi automatic rifles and shotguns. They also implemented background checks when purchasing a firearm. Unlike the United States, Australian did not see “self defense”as a valid excuse for owning a weapon and one must have a more reasonable need for ownership. Although the right to bear arms is not in the constitution like what we have in the United States with the second amendment. When the laws passed, the firearm homicide rate dropped by more than 40% in the 7 years following. Also, “within 20 years from 1996, the odds of being murdered by a gun decreased 72% from 0.54 per 100,000 to 0.15 per 100,00 people”. They closed this section of the article with somewhat of a “jab” at the United States says “ many supporters of gun control believe the United States could follow Australia's successful and effective gun control rules and regulations.” In the video, South Africa has a similar reform of gun laws that took place in 2000. South Africa banned powerful weapons and implemented a background check system. They also required gun owners to have permits and licenses. A study found that gun deaths in five major South African cities decreased by nearly 14% per year for the next five years (Semple, 2019). Similar to the reform that took place in South Africa, Austria had a similar gun law implemented in 1997, that included background checks, limited access to powerful weapons, and a change in how people who owned guns wore store and carry them. It has been statistically proven that those cross countries with harsher gun laws and more restrictions have had less gun related deaths and are responsible for a much smaller percentage of gun violence, like mass shootings.

In the article, “Are Gun Control Laws Effective In Reducing Gun Violence”, the author explains how other cultures deal with guns and gun violence. Honduras has shown to have a different outlook on gun culture, but not by choice. A statistic provided stated that “Astonishing 80% of deaths in Honduras or a result of gun violence. Honduras is an underdeveloped Third World country and is a victim of gun trafficking.” Due to its location it is home to see routes in airdropped zones for gun trafficking. Corruption mixed with drug cartels is the perfect recipe for gun violence. Israeli gun culture is much different from the United States due to the fact that it requires military service from its citizens. When they are 18, they take a gun safety course along with other military training. Israel does not allow citizens to have guns unless they have a reasonable need to carry a firearm or are in a military practice (Paulsen, n.d.). That being said if you are employed in a security job or someone who cares about objects of high value, this deems fit as well. Due to the location of Israel and the neighboring countries like Iraq and Syria, citizens take personal protection very seriously. Many people believe that due to the high gun usage and access in Israel it would produce the same number of gun related deaths as the United States but this is not the case. This is because of the common practice of gun safety in the familiarity with guns on a day-to-day basis for reasons like personal safety. Finally, Japan was introduced to the discussion, which is practically a “gun free zone.” Japan practices an extremely strict set of laws and requirements when purchasing a gun. People who want to own a gun in Japan must complete a plethora of steps. These include Taking an all day safety course in passing your written exam followed by the requirement to shoot 95% on their marksman test. After this a rigorous background check which includes criminal records, drug use, both illegal and prescription based and mental health screenings (Paulsen, n.d.). The buyer is even checked at an employment level and colleagues are checked for links to extremist groups. In addition, yearly inspections are required and license expiration every three years are just some of the many rules Japan has in place for gun laws. Due to the vast rules and requirements, the ownership of guns and gun related death are extremely low. The author states how “In 2014, only 6 deaths by gunfire occurred in Japan, compared to the 33,599 deaths in the United States.” The stigma around guns has held true and allowed Japan to have success containing gun violence. I really enjoyed this article and how it was outlined. The main theme used the other countries, and their gun laws with the results, constantly comparing them to the US. This helped exploit and highlight the fact that we need reform and how that will lead to a progression when dealing with gun violence.

People who are anti-gun control often use the defense of protection. To them having a gun is the ideal way of protecting their families but statistics have shown that this is just simply not true, or a valid excuse to disregard gun reform. An article from ProCon.org states that, “The United States has 120.5 guns per 100 people, or about 393,347,000 guns, which is the highest total and per capita number in the world. 22% of Americans own one or more guns (35% of men and 12% of women).” The second highest country, Yemen, was at 52.8. We are also the highest in mass shootings. Mass shootings are one of the main indicators our country should note in regards to the gun control discussion. I found an article by SabRang, which showed a graph of mass shootings from the years 1983, to 2003. 119 shootings occurred, 78 of them in our own country, with the seconds closest being Germany with 7. We account for close to 65 percent of those shootings (Lemieux, 2018). People who believe this ideology that more guns equals a higher protection rate are not reading into gun related crime and deaths. If you read that graph, it helps you visualize the severe difference in ownership of guns in the United States, but this directly correlates with the amount of mass shootings taking place. This is a major area of concern when dealing with gun reform. This is especially important, because we see the amount of damage that these guns can cause and how more recently how they have affected schools. Are you supposed to arm everyone or teacher in a school setting? Will this result in a dramatic drop in school shootings and actually serve as a preventative measure? No! The most simple analogy, two wrongs don't make a right, can be applied here. More guns are not the solution when it comes to gun control. That is at the very bottom of the priority list, compared to making it harder to access these killing machines, and taking a look at which guns we should even have access to as everyday citizens. The only way to take a hard look at our issues with gun control, is to take into account how other countries who have had success with this dilemma, and try to model our society and begin to practice their restrictions. The common theme of countries like Japan, and Austria, include severely reducing the amount of guns available for the public, rather the implementation of more guns as a defense mechanism.

“Guns don't kill people. People kill People'', is something you commonly hear when discussing the argument of gun control with someone who is against reform. An article by the Rolling Stone titled, “4 Pro-Gun Arguments We’re Sick of Hearing”, by Amanda Marcotte, states that this is a logical resonse when dealing with one death, but to rack up a death count of 10-20 people, you need a weaopn, a gun. Appointing and reflecting the blame is a lackluster way of going about such a serious dilemma. It highly suggested that if you do have any sympathy or feeling toward the recent trend guns have attached to themselves, then you should have no issue in implementing laws that make it harder for individuals to obtain. A little further down in the article it touches on a similar blame tactic pro gun individuals use when defending guns, which is mental health. I thought that the author did a great job of highlighting the neglect of mental health from the republican party, until something like a mass shooting comes alone. Statistics show that 1 out of every five Americans are diagnosed and deal with a mental health disorder (Marcotte, 2018). Due to the abundance of shooting incidents, we have a lot of information on these individuals. “Data shows it is hard to predict when someone suffering from mental health is going to go off, and only 23 percent of shooters have a diagnosis. Even if all of those individuals got gold-star treatment, the system would only stop a few shooters.” (Marcotte, 2018) Although I felt that these were the major takeaways from this article, the author did have additional information exposing limitations of the argument that guns are the only way to protect us from gun violence. No mass shooting in the past 30 years has been stopped by armed civilians. Only in 1982 did an armed civilian successfully kill a shooter, but it was only after he committed his crime (Marcotte, 2018). The idea is that shooting back during the chaos of a mass shooting or a school shooting is unrealistic and oftentimes makes matters worse. We saw this with the example given in the article when in 2011 Gabby Gifford nearly shot the wrong man when attempting to take out the active shooter.

To come back to the original question will gun laws be effective, I think there is a clear-cut answer. Yes! Throughout the extensive research there has been an abundance of articles, and videos that thoroughly support the enforcement of stricter gun laws in the United States. Just like any other topic of discussion the best way to bring awareness to a dilemma is through comparison. I saw by researching other countries and getting familiar with their gun laws that there was a common trend that led to successful gun control; low amount and accessibility of guns in the first place! This is not an object or a commodity that should be taken lightly, since we have seen its potential and how it is only growing through the revamping of technology and the progression of time. It is fair in every Controversial topic to take both sides into account, and try to come to a middle ground rather than in this case abolishing the right to own or purchase a firearm.

References:

History of Gun Control - ProCon.org. (2020, November 03). Retrieved November 13, 2020, from https://gun-control.procon.org/history-of-gun-control/

Lemieux, F. (2018). “5 things to know about mass shootings in America”. Retrieved November 13, 2020, from https://www.sabrangindia.in/article/5-things-know-about-mass-shootings-america

Manier, L. (2018, April 12). “Does Gun Control Really Work?” Retrieved November 17, 2020, from https://www.center4research.org/does-gun-control-really-work/

Marcotte, A. (2018, June 25). 4 Pro-Gun Arguments We're Sick of Hearing. Retrieved November 23, 2020, from https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/4-pro-gun-arguments-were-sick-of-hearing-194212/

Paulsen, M. (n.d.). Are Gun Control Laws Effective in Reducing Gun Violence. Retrieved November 13, 2020, from https://www.arcgis.com/apps/Cascade/index.html?appid=4a1b03cf5575487190772768259d653d

Semple, Jeff, director. Gun Control: Do Firearms Laws Actually Work. Gun Control: Do Firearm Laws Actually Work?, 2019, www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODwRtjN13No.

#shootersshoot #whyyousoobsessedwithguns

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theasstour · 5 years

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0106. Adagio non molto.

Monday, 5 January 2015

FIC PAGE | CHAPTER SYMPHONY | WORD COUNT: 5.7k

NB: explicit language, internalised homophobia

A/N: THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO VOTED FOR SOY IN THE 1D ROOFTOP AWARDS 💐🌸💛 forever in awe at all of you and the love and support my fics receive! ilysm, and enjoy this chapter! x

When Y/N pictured herself in university, this was not how she saw herself ending up. Throughout the whole Christmas break, she had been miserable. Every single day she had thought about the different ways she could have changed the outcome of the exam, what she could have done differently, and how she could have handled the situation. She had passed, but only just barely with a 48%. Anything under 40% and you failed, and above that you passed. 70% and above was the best grade you could get, and anything in between was okay. 70% and above was a 1 (a first), 69%-60% was a 2.1 (upper second class), 59%-50% a 2.2 (lower second class), 49%-40% a 3 (a third), and anything below was a fail. When getting graded, you would always aim for a 2.1 or better, even though a 2.2 was okay, and 3 well enough. But all her life, Y/N had had this weird inner competition with herself to always be the best at everything she ever did. A competition she never seemed to win.

Their Messenger chat was open, the cursor blinking behind a message Y/N had tried to construct for 30 minutes now. She never thought she’d come to this; never thought she’d be this type of person. But as she laid in her bed the week before going back to London, Edward’s loud laugh from downstairs wafting through the small slit at the bottom of her door, Y/N was looking at Archie Poole’s Facebook picture.

Y/N Hi, are you the head of the LGBTQ+ Society at Battersea uni?

Swallowing hard, she clicked send, closing her phone right away and looking nervously around the room. Archie Poole was the head of the LGBTQ+ Society at Battersea University. Y/N had known his name alone all first semester, but never talked to him or even seen his face. Now, however, she needed someone to talk to. It wasn’t that she didn’t have anyone. She knew Tiana would listen, so would Annie, Finn, Edward, her parents, and maybe even Harry if she wanted him to. But she hated asking that of people, hated asking for attention because she didn’t want to ask for anyone’s time because it wasn’t hers to take.

Her phone vibrated.

Archie Hi yea. Why?

Y/N took a deep breath, knowing that whatever she was to say would probably sound incredibly stupid.

Y/N Was wondering when you have meetings. Been meaning to check it out.

Archie was on the chat, typing right away. Watching the three dots move like a wave as she waited, biting her lip so intensely she it surprised her she hadn’t bitten through it.

Archie Oh! You’re LGBT? We usually meet up Wednesdays and just chill. I’ll meet up with you beforehand if you want.

Y/N typed out the next message, feeling her shoulders rise a bit as she stared at it, dread forming in the very pit of her stomach.

Y/N I’m bi. That’d be nice! I’ll be back in London in about a week.

Archie saw the message and started typing right away. He had read her message. Oh God, oh God, oh God. He had read her message. He knew. What was he going to say? The dread Y/N had felt was swirling around, like a witch stood inside her stomach stirring a pot filled with a poisonous potion.

Archie Wicked! When’s best for you? I’m from London so I’m available whenever.

It felt like the biggest weight had lifted off Y/N’s chest and shoulders. In fact, her whole bloody body felt lighter after that text. It wasn’t much, Y/N wasn’t even sure if he had much cared to know her exact preferred term of labelling, but to her it had meant something. Only one person before Archie had known. Only one other person Y/N had opened up to about her sexuality. And now, with Archie knowing, someone who knew how she was feeling and someone she actually was on speaking terms with it seemed, the future didn’t seem so daunting. She hadn’t imagined it to feel so liberating for someone to know, like paying with card for drinks on a night out when you’re unsure how much money is on your card and having the transaction be accepted, only it was magnified. And so much bigger. So much more important. She felt the same as waking up from a good night’s sleep feeling totally and utterly rested.

Y/N I’ll be back on Friday. Could either do then or Saturday, Sunday.

Archie Sunday 12pm at Costa across campus?

Y/N Sounds good!

Archie See ya then, Y/N.

Closing her phone, Y/N laid it on her chest and looked up at the ceiling of her bedroom. It was completely dark, the rain outside hitting her window harshly and the wind blowing around the house viciously. This last month, Y/N had spent most of her time outside helping her dad with the farm. New Christmas trees needed to be sown, the cows needed to be milked, and the hens needed tending to. It was loads to do, just how she liked it. However much time she spent with George, she had never willingly started talking to him about something that had been on her heart for years. She could hear her family talking downstairs, knew that they would ask her what she was doing in her room for an hour. Without a shadow of a doubt, Y/N trusted her family more than she trusted anyone. She knew they would love and support her no matter what; no matter what she did, said, believed or thought. But there was a difference between trusting and letting someone see a part of you only you knew of. A difference between confessing and opening yourself up completely.

A difference between revealing something and shaking someone’s only reality to the core. Because, at the end of the day, no matter how much someone loved you, no one liked change. Especially a kind of permanent change that may or may not be welcomed. And no matter how much Y/N loved her family, she was not ready to have them shift their view and love for her. She did not want anything to change. And so, in her family’s eyes, she would make sure nothing would. No matter how unhappy that made her, because there was no way she would risk not having her family in her life anymore. They were happy now, she’d continue on letting them be. She had hid this part of herself all her life, what’s to say she couldn’t hide it forever.

Thursday, 15 January 2015

“Jesus Christ,” Tiana groaned as they walked out of another flat building in Wimbledon, a double-decker and a horde of cars whooshing by as the three of them started on their walk towards the tube. “How the fuck is it possible that we have found all the dodgy flats in London? There isn’t a single bloody place we have looked at that hasn’t made me want to tickle my uvula.”

Y/N snorted. “We’re late looking at places. Literally everyone in the flat have found somewhere.”

“Brilliant.” Tiana sighed. “Saw loads of four-bed houses around Clapham Common, so I’m going to try and ask around my course again. Someone’s got to not have someplace, yea?”

“People are either moving in groups of three or five-six.” Annie said. “That’s why most of those are gone.”

“And there are next to no two-beds, hence why we couldn’t find somewhere together.” Y/N chimed in, walking down the stairs to Wimbledon Park Underground Station.

“Why does the universe hate us?” Tiana groaned, getting her Oyster card out.

“Must have other plans for us, I guess.” Y/N said, taking hers out of her purse as well. “Still not very considerate to make us go to five house viewings and not find a single decent place.”

“It’s getting ridiculous.” Annie said, beeping herself in and walking through the ticket barrier.

“I just want to find a place!” Tiana came through last and the three girls took the escalator down to jump on the District Line. “I know we won’t get anywhere close to uni now, but…” She sighed. “I’m going to keep my hopes up.”

“Probably not the best idea.” Y/N said, scrunching her nose. “Keeping your hopes up.”

“But I will anyway.” Tiana crossed her arms. “I live to be disappointed.”

Annie giggled.

“Also, I never got to ask you.” Tiana looked down at Y/N. “What happened with Harry that night when he came over?”

Looking away, Y/N answered, “What night?”

Tiana gasped. “Playing the ‘I don’t think I remember that’ card, are we?”

“A little more complex than that.”

“What is?”

“The… whole situation.”

“Mate,” Tiana huffed. “Becky was bloody fuming.”

Y/N jumped off the escalator and, once the other girls had caught up, walked toward the District line toward Wimbledon Station. “Why would she be raging?”

Tiana raised her eyebrows, shoving her hands into the pockets of her Y/Net. “Think you know.”

Y/N kept quiet, only clearing her throat and dragging a hand through her hair. They got onboard the tube, holding onto the same pole as they were getting off at the next stop anyway.

“She’s wanted a shag since Freshers and has set her eyes on Harry since then. Sorry, babes, but she won’t waver till she’s got his cock so far up her arse she can give him a blowie.”

“Tiana!” Y/N hissed, brows furrowed. “We’re on the tube!”

“What?” Tiana frowned right back. “Need to paint the picture, don’t I?”

“Not that vividly.” Y/N looked around, hiding her face in her scarf.

“It’s either in full detail or not at all.”

“There’s never ‘not at all’, so always everything in full detail.” Annie said, putting her phone in her back pocket.

“And that’s why you love me.” Tiana smiled at both of them, but eyes landed on Y/N as she continued talking. “Just warning you, gorge, because Becky will try it on with Harry again soon.”

“You think?” Y/N bit her lip.

Tiana nodded, sighing. “She’s relentless that one.”

“But she’s got to understand Harry isn’t interested.” Annie said. “He’s obviously into Y/N.”

Y/N lifter her purple scarf higher up so it could cover more of her flustered self. “He’s not.”

“Oh, shut up, he’s making it pretty bloody obvious.” Tiana rolled her eyes at Y/N before turning to Annie. “She’s just that kind of person, you know? Has a thing for a lad for a while and doesn’t stop till she’s decided if he’s a good fuck or not.”

“Still on the tube, Ti.”

“And I still don’t care, Y/N.”

“So,” Annie shrugged her shoulders. “She’s just going to continue till they’ve slept together? That won’t happen.”

“Not for as long as Y/N’s still interested in him back, no.”

“I’m standing right here.”

“Y/N,” Tiana looked over at her friend. “I know you’re trying to deny your feelings toward Harry because you’d like to keep them to yourself, and as cute as that is, I really don’t think it’s the right move.”

Y/N frowned.

“Because Becky needs to back off. Harry is your man.”

“He’s not, though. He’s really not.” Y/N shook her head, looking at the ground as the speaker overhead announced their arrival at Wimbledon. They walked out and toward the South Western Railway toward London Waterloo, their last trip that would end at Clapham Junction where they would stroll to campus for their lectures and then back to Westbridge. “We barely talked during Christmas break.”

“But you have each other’s numbers, yea?” Tiana asked, frowning a bit.

“Yea, but…” Y/N sighed. “I don’t like being pushy, because I don’t like… I don’t want him to think I’m waiting around for him to talk to me, you know what I mean? He’s been so nice and I don’t want to push him away by talking to him when he doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Did you talk at all?”

“He wished me a happy Christmas over text, but that’s it.” Y/N explained. “I said it back, and he sent me the Santa emoji.”

“And you didn’t answer?” Tiana seemed a little shocked, which Y/N thought was odd.

“No.”

“Oh, my days.” She smiled, laughing at Y/N. “You gormless git.”

“What?!”

“He wanted to keep the conversation going! He sent you an emoji!”

“How do you answer to an emoji?”

“Sending an emoji right back! Like the Christmas tree one!” Tiana said, shaking her head. “If you sent the Christmas tree one, he might even have asked about your father’s Christmas trees and how that’s going, and boom.” Tiana clapped her hands together. “You two would’ve been talking.”

“But I have no idea how to talk to people.” Y/N confessed. “I don’t know how to make someone talk to me, don’t know what to say, or how to sound interesting.”

“Must’ve done something right at least, because Harry Styles seems to be very interested.” Tiana walked into the escalator. “Pretty sure still fancies you, though. But,” Tiana pointed a finger at Y/N. “Remember what we’ve talked about now.”

“What?”

“Becky, you sod.” Tiana said. “How she’s not going to give up on Harry. You gotta show her she can’t have him.”

“But I don’t own him, he’s not mine.”

Tiana raised her eyebrows. “I don’t think he’ll mind if he is, babes.”

New semester meant new modules, and new modules meant new classes. Luckily for Y/N, Teresa was in her Composing I: Capturing Ideas class, so at least they had each other in that one. She had Studio Production with Finn, which only made her sit alone in Professional Development, and Y/N could live with that. Well, at least she told herself that, but she knew she’d hate every little second of that seminar. She opened the door into the Antonin Artaud Building, Teresa smiling at her from the other side of the room. She met Y/N halfway, giving her a huge hug as they hadn’t seen each other since the exam in Ensemble. They had talked loads over Snapchat, but it wasn’t the same as being together like this in real life.

“You alright?” Teresa asked as she pulled away, smiling broadly. “Christmas treat you nice?”

Y/N nodded. “Been a wet one.”

“Very.” Teresa sighed. “Can’t even remember last time it was somewhat white in London. Sometimes I wish I was born up North just so I could get some snow. Have never made a snow angel, and I think that’s very rude of… the weather.”

Y/N laughed. “Think I managed to once, but I could feel the grass poking up through the snow. So it wasn’t very successful.”

“I mean,” Teresa shrugged. “If it does end up snowing and settling in Southern England, I think it’ll be because climate change is doing its thing, and we should not appreciate that.”

“Very true. Would be a tad bit worried if it did end up settling for more than a week.”

“I won’t say no to snow.” Teresa confessed. “But I don’t want to die because of climate change either.”

Y/N laughed and then the two walked toward their new seminar room for Composing I. It was a very chilled atmosphere in the Composing I class. The teacher, Mrs Wells, was young and knew how to talk to students without overwhelming them. Y/N found herself incredibly relaxed in her presence, which was surprising as university had been nothing but stress so far. In the back of the seminar room, Y/N sat writing down all the important dates for assignments and due dates, the different texts to read and the things they would focus on and learn. Maybe, Y/N thought, this second semester would be better than the first one. Maybe this semester, she would find a way through struggling and relax into uni a little more. She had to find her place somehow, and maybe this was it. Winter and spring 2015 would bring wonders, Y/N hoped.

“What were you doing before you came here then?” Teresa asked. “Like what other plans?”

“Went to a house viewing in Wimbledon.” Y/N explained, putting the cork back on her pen. “Not impressive.”

“Elaborate.”

“It was…” She scrunched her nose up, looking around the room at all the other students to see if she recognised someone else from the previous semester or any of the other seminars earlier in the week. “It was dodgy.”

“Most student houses are, though.”

Y/N nodded. “Tiana, Annie and I have been to five house viewings for three-bedroom flats and it’s a pain to find somewhere. You have to think so far in advance, loads have already found somewhere for next year.”

“I haven’t.”

“You haven’t?”

“No, me and the girls in my flat are trying to, but they’re not really stressing about it, to be fair.” Teresa took the elastic band off her wrist, putting her curly hair up in a bun. “Me, on the other hand…” Teresa crossed her arms. “Am.”

“You’re stressed?”

“Yes.”

“Why haven’t you found somewhere?”

“Well, we haven’t really been looking.” Teresa sighed, adjusting her bun. “I’ve tried to, but it’s so hard when you don’t really know what the other ones want in a flat, you know?”

Y/N nodded, feeling sorry for her friend. They looked ahead as Mrs Wells announced the end of their 15-minute break, started talking about something Y/N didn’t seem to be focusing on. After today, her little gang had another viewing tomorrow for a three-bed flat, though this one looked even worse than the one they looked at today. It had never even crossed Y/N’s mind when she started in September that she would have to look for a place to live the rest of her time at uni. The thought of moving in somewhere, having to pay bills and clean and be responsible, had never crossed her mind because the scariness of uni had blurred everything else. But now that the list of options her, Annie and Tiana had was shrinking, Y/N was starting to wonder what it’d be like to commute back and forth between Hawkley and Battersea for the next two years. Sure, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world as she got to live back home with her family again, but at the same time, she wasn’t sure she ever could properly live at home again after having moved out. During Christmas it had felt good to be home the first week, and then she started realising that she would really like to just lay in bed, watch some YouTube videos and to absolutely nothing without having her mum shout at her to come downstairs and help make dinner, or her father dragging her outside because he needed help with something. It was fine, she loved helping out, but she – to her own surprise – preferred controlling everything in her little room in Westbridge Halls.

Suddenly, a thought struck Y/N and she had to stop herself from gasping loudly. She had been so massively stupid for not having thought about this before, for only just now realising that this would be an amazing idea. So, turning her head toward Teresa who was watching Mrs Wells, Y/N asked in a hushed tone, “Do you want to move in with me and my flatmates instead of yours?”

Teresa whipped her head in Y/N’s direction. “What?”

“You said yourself you were stressing about all of this, and I just wanted to let you know, if you don’t want to wait till last minute finding a house for next year, the option is there.” Y/N gave Teresa a smile, knowing if anyone had asked her this, she would’ve wanted the confirmation that the person asking was doing so because they actually wanted to, and not out of pity.

Teresa’s mouth hung open as she considered this. “And your flatmates would be fine with that? Me moving in with you lot?”

“Well, I haven’t asked them yet, but I don’t see why not.” Y/N admitted, shrugging her shoulders a little. “There are loads more four-bedroom house than three-bed. Most that are left in the Battersea and Clapham area are four-bed. It would be incredibly convenient for us because we would find a house soon that way, and you’d also have secured yourself a place to live next year.”

With a small smile on her face, Teresa watched Y/N. “Are you sure you want my annoying self living wit you next year?”

Y/N giggled. “I’ll survive.”

Teresa’s smile widened. “Do ask your flatmates when you get home, but yes, I’d very much like to live with you next year if you and your gang will have me.”

Leaning over, Y/N pulled Teresa into another hug, both of them giggling as the thought of possibly being flatmates next year was a possibility. Y/N knew Teresa wasn’t someone she’d be annoyed living with; in fact, she might be the complete opposite. Though Teresa was loud, she was also very quiet at times and stuck to herself most of the time, meaning there was little drama with her. Tiana and Teresa would get on well, Y/N thought, while Annie might spend most of her time in her own room, but that was fine, too. It would be a nice place to come home to if all of her closest friends at uni lived under the same roof.

The rest of their 3-hour seminar they weren’t able to pay attention. Discussing the different films they had to watch together in their new living room, the thousands of dishes they had to make as a flat, and how they would decorate the place for different occasions. Y/N knew both Tiana and Annie would be fine with Teresa living with them, because by this point the girls just wanted to know that they were living somewhere next year. So, the first Composing seminar flew by, and before they knew it, they were walking out of the classroom and toward the loo. Teresa waited for Y/N, all the while checking herself in the mirror. Y/N did the same when her booth was free for Teresa to use. The blue floral frill trim mesh tee shirt she was wearing with a white top underneath, bright blue acid wash jeans that reach her hip were surprisingly comfortable, as well were her white trainers. She put her cream teddy Borg pocket coat on, her burgundy leather gloved outside it and the scarf around her neck. Teresa came out, put her jacket and scarf on and then the two of them walked toward the exit of the Arts building together. Still chatting about everything they would have to do next year, Y/N didn’t even see the person leaning against the wall by the entrance to the corridor leading to her seminar room.

“Y/N.”

It had been so long since she had heard that voice that Y/N almost tripped over her own feet in a short second of weakness. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Harry standing there, the same smile on his face and his hair a curly mess as per. Beside her, Teresa’s mouth fell open, the sight of Harry as well as him calling out for Y/N shocked her a little too much to not have visible reaction. As always, Harry was dressed incredibly. With grey and orange checked skinny trousers – a chain hanging from the hoops where his belt would’ve gone - and a dark red turtle neck tucked into it, his black coat on and black boots, he looked incredible. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, though, and Y/N found herself missing them resting on the bridge of his nose. They looked at each other for a while, taking each other in after well over a month apart. They hadn’t seen each other since that morning after he had slept over at hers, since the night he had kipped at hers.

Teresa leaned into Y/N, whispering in her ear, “I’ll leave you two to it.” And so, their plans of walking back together were suddenly cancelled. Y/N watched Teresa leave, turning back to Harry once she was out the door. Pushing off the wall, Harry walked over to her, still smiling that lopsided smile she for some reason hadn’t been able to not think about everyday of the Christmas break.

“Thought I might find you here.” He said, looking smug as he always did.

“How’d you know I had a lecture here and now?” Y/N asked, raising her eyebrows. He had known where her Ensemble seminar usually was held, but that had been last semester, and she now had a new timetable.

Harry let stuck his tongue out against his bottom lip, wetting it before pressing his lips together, resulting in a warm pink colour once he l was done rubbing them against one another. It was hard for Y/N not to look at his lips. She wanted to so bad. “I don’t kiss and tell, darling.”

Y/N felt like screaming. He knew what he was doing, knew he played dirty, and yet he didn’t give enough teabags to care. There wasn’t any doubt that he knew how to get a reaction; that he knew what Y/N was thinking and how bad he wanted her to give in to her own competitiveness and just look at his lips. However, Y/N just looked at him, daring him to tell her how he knew her timetable.

“Fine, I asked Finn.”

Y/N frowned.

Harry frowned back. “What?”

“Why’d you ask Finn?”

Harry smiled a little at that. “Because I wanted to meet you.”

“Sooo,” Y/N said, smiling a little back. “Instead of texting me you asked Finn for my timetable?”

“Yea.” Harry cocked his head to the side, biting his bottom lip. “Aren’t I the cutest?”

Y/N giggled, resting her gloved hands in the pockets of her coat. “Why did you have to go through all that trouble?”

“Because I just felt like it, you know?” Harry shrugged. “Wanted to surprise you.”

“Surprise me?”

“Yea.” He grinned. “Think it’s quite fascinating the look on your pretty face when you turn around and look at me.”

Y/N bit her lip, and she swore Harry’s green eyes fell down on them, savouring the look of them, before his eyes met hers again.

“Wanted to see you.”

Eyes wide with interest as Harry took a step closer, Y/N bit down harder on her lip.

“See how you were.”

It was incredibly rude, Y/N thought, how he wasn’t even trying to be discreet as his eyes traced along the swell of her lips. Moving along them like following the graceful rise and fall of a wave; a wave he wanted to immerse himself in, to get lost in, and drown at the hands of. Letting her lips fall from between her teeth, Y/N watched Harry’s open slightly, a small puff of air leaving them. Now it was her turn to look at his without him noticing, and she hated that she took a small step forward at the sight of them. A sense of hunger she had never really felt before took over; sprouting somewhere in her chest like a flower in early spring. Looking up, she noticed Harry staring back at her, eyes as green as the grass after a storm. She didn’t know how she was going to get it across that she wanted him to kiss her. She wanted him to press his lips against hers all soft, maybe rest his hand at the nape of her neck where no one ever touched her. About to walk all the way up to her, Harry stopped when his phone started ringing.

Closing his eyes for a short second before bringing his phone out, Harry stopped moving for a second. Y/N watched him with a slight furrow to her brows, not knowing Harry to be startled by anything. He always seemed to be one step ahead, always having full control of himself and any situation he found himself in.

“I, uh…” He stopped himself, not taking his eyes off his vibrating phone. “I need to go. See you around, Y/N.”

And with that, Harry stormed off. Huge strides, he made his way toward the exit of the building, phone to his ear as he reached to open the door for himself.

“What?” He said into the phone, a tone in his voice Y/N wasn’t sure she was able to decipher. There was a coldness to it she’d never heard; a distance from his heart and his vocals that seemed unreal. She watched him till he was out of sight, and only then did she walked away herself, not being able to think and ponder on anything but who Harry would’ve been talking to.

Harry Sorry for storming off there. Meant to ask you and your flat if you wanted to come out and celebrate my birthday Friday feb 6th? Finn said he’d come, but I wanted to ask you.

Y/N knocked on Tiana’s door, grinning as she opened it and walked in with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her pyjamas on. Tiana was sitting in her robe on herbed, giving herself a pedicure and only looking up to see Y/N smiling big before going back to her toe nails. The radio was playing softly in the background, a pop song wafting from Tiana’s speakers that Y/N had never really bothered to know the name of. Taking Tiana’s chair, she dragged it over to her bed and sat down, putting her feet on the bed.

“Want me to do yours, babes?” Tiana asked, motioning with her head at Y/N’s feet that were currently safely tucked into a pair of very comfy slippers.

“I’m good, thank you.” Y/N said, looking at her phone.

Over dinner, Y/N had told Annie and Tiana of her conversation with Teresa. The two girls had been over the moon, and Tiana had made a groupchat with the four of them right away, more than ready to finally get going and find a decent four-bedroom house in close vicinity to the university. While Y/N did their washing up, Annie and Tiana looked at possible houses to view on Tiana’s laptop, Y/N walking over to check it out before they were sent in the groupchat for Teresa to take a look at. Everything seemed to be falling a little into place. Y/N still felt bummed out over the exam, but she kept telling herself that at least she had passed, at least she didn’t have to take the whole module over again. But once they found a house to live in, Y/N was sure almost everything would feel right. Once she was back from the seminar she had applied to some more jobs with her father’s help, done some uni work, and played some on her violin. She felt incredibly productive and positive for a change.

“Guess who sent me a text?”

Tiana looked up at Y/N again. “Shut up.”

Y/N nodded.

“Shut. Up!” Tiana screwed the cork back on her red nail varnish and reached for Y/N’s phone. “Let me see. Let me see. Let me see.”

Y/N let Tiana take her phone, a smile on her face as Tiana read over Harry’s text to her. Clearly reading it over and over again, because it took a while before she gave the phone back to Y/N. Her face wasn’t as excited as Y/N had anticipated it to be, which scared her a little. Tiana loved a party.

“We’re going out with flat 8?”

Y/N nodded.

“No, no, no, no.” Tiana shook her head, getting up from where she sat in her bed. “No. No way.”

Y/N frowned, watching as Tiana walked over to her sink to get her foot cream. “What’s going on? Why don’t you want to?”

Tiana sighed, looking at herself in the mirror for a bit before her eyes felt to her hands nervously fiddling with the foot cream tube in her hands.

“Tiana?” Y/N sat up straighter, feet falling to the floor. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t want to meet Danny.”

Y/N saw the hurt in Tiana’s eyes as she turned around. There was no doubt that whatever had happened between her and Danny had cut way deeper than Y/N had realised at first. Sitting down in her bed again, Tiana sighed before she started rubbing the cream into her foot.

“I just… don’t.”

Y/N nodded, closing her phone. “Want to talk about it?”

Tiana inhaled sharply. “Not tonight.”

Y/N wrapped her blanket tighter around herself, letting Harry’s text be unanswered for the time being. Right no Y/N needed to talk to Tiana.

“You won’t come and celebrate Harry then?”

“Think I’ll pass on this one. Sorry, Y/N.”

Y/N nodded, looking away. “There’s still some time if you change your mind. You don’t have to talk to Danny.”

Tiana didn’t say anything, eyes fixed on her feet as she switched to rub cream on the other foot.

“What did he do, Ti?”

Tiana shook her head. “Nothing. He’s just…” Tiana looked up at Y/N, and for the first time in a while, tears were in them again. “He’s just a fucking knobhead.”

Y/N sat down in Tiana’s bed as she started crying, holding onto her as she shook with sobs. Y/N had never seen Tiana this upset, never felt her shake as she cried. Danny had really broken her; whatever he had done or said really ripped Tiana’s heart apart. And it seemed she was having problems stitching it back together, and though Y/N didn’t know how to sow, she would help Tiana all she could.

TAGLIST

@swayingnoodlelove @littlestyles @showk1ndness @sydneysuit @hallwayharry @emotionally-imbruised @fuckyeahimahobbit @beksjewels @harryisadogperson @harryrocksagoodsuit @ifiwereaboy2323 @tiostyles @maroonmolly @harrysroguecurl @awomanindeniall @justsaying20 @ot4narrie @miss-nxvxcaine @sunflowersandrockstars @hard-on-harry @emma070900 @shitibitmytonge @my--heroine @rainbowbutterflyboy @shegotthesalt @harrytreatspeoplewithkindnesss @mleestiles @bloodcastle30155 @harryskiwi2 @brielyse11 @for-fucks-sake-h @treat-harry-with-love @permanentllyharry @flooome @harryfeatcalum @mykissyharry @hydra-barnes @violets-parma @shadowsndaisies

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#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic #harry styles smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfic #harry styles one shots #het fic #1dff #THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO VOTED IN THE 1D ROOFTOP AWARDS LOVE YALLL SM

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counttwinkula · 4 years

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tl;dr i’m fucking pissed at my sister

so like when we began social distancing, i had basically no life except waiting to hear back from UCLA (lmfao) and hanging out with my boyfriend. this means that the transition to sheltering at home wasn’t a particularly big change since i hadn’t had anywhere to go before anyway.

i know that technically he and i shouldn’t have been seeing each other since we don’t live together, but we were. since i wasn’t venturing out of my house except for walks around the suburbs and neither was he, we figured we weren’t at any great risk of infecting one another or our respective families. it’s not like covid was gonna spontaneously appear in the 5 minute car ride between our houses.

enter my sister. my sister, just turned 39, has her own jenga stack of mental illnesses which largely revolve around a lot of paranoia. she’s been obsessed with covid since the initial outbreak in wuhan and supposedly she’s been ahead of the curve (no pun intended) with knowing what’s going on bc of her fascination with catastrophes.

my sister has been coming over to my house somewhat regularly since we’ve been social distancing because 1. she works for my dad and they need to coordinate certain things while they’re working from home 2. my parents help provide childcare for my almost-6 year old niece

so a couple weeks ago it was passover and my parents were having a little seder. my sister, my niece, and my boyfriend were all invited since they’d all been coming over anyway. the seder in itself was a headache worth a whole multi-paragraph altogether, but the most important detail here is that at the time my sister was supposed to be at our house to begin the seder she instead had to call my parents and ask all about where my boyfriend had been.

now i understand that that’s an understandable question to ask--the answer was that he’d been at home for the last two weeks at least. but where has my sister been? well she’s always going to jamba juice and taco bell and carl’s jr and the grocery store, so much more often than should be considered necessary. and she has joint custody of my niece, which means that we’re also all in contact with whoever the dad and HIS family are in contact with.

so like. i understand that her paranoia is not logical. but the fact that she needs to be hyperaware of one person she has no control over while she cannot manage to decrease her own need to go out in the world. lady gaga voice i have to laugh.

(sidebar but also we faced nearly the exact same problem with my boyfriend’s brother, who has a similar array of mental illnesses and issues. i was over at their house and his brother began to throw a fit about how i was contaminating things. meanwhile this is the same person going out to the fucking dispensary.)

i digress. a couple days ago my sister brought my niece over to our house so my parents could babysit while my sister went and ran an errand. sure whatever. and then she comes back, sits at our table w my mom, and tells her that she thinks she’s getting sick w symptoms of covid.

i just do not have the phrase to express my anger. i just cannot believe that while we are supposed to be restricting our social circles so that we do not pass on the illness, she cannot have the fucking consideration for my parents and myself to... not interact with us? after being so concerned about everyone else’s actions, now hers don’t matter. our parents, both in their 60s, don’t matter.

now she’s gotten tested but she won’t. just. tell. us. the. results.

supposedly they would have called her 2 days after the test if she’d tested positive or will mail her the results within 5 days if she tested negative, and i think we’re supposed to assume because she hasn’t said anything that she tested negative for covid. but yes, she has not disclosed her test results with us directly, she just assumes that when my dad asks her he’s badgering her about work.

so now! because my sister is a fucking inconsiderate lunatic who will gladly put my parents and myself in harm’s way as if our health doesn’t matter, i cannot see my boyfriend as i had been. i do believe he and his mom already had and got over covid bc they got sick in mid-march and experienced symptoms similar to covid, but i wouldn’t risk that because 1. i value their health and lives more than that 2. his mom’s boyfriend is in fucking chemo right now so he’s extremely at risk.

i know that i’m privileged to be in the position i am and i’ve been privileged to be able to see my boyfriend without having to worry much. this situation is frustrating because it’s a change, where most people haven’t even had the luxuries that i’ve had. it’s also temporary, and once we either know her status or have waited out the quarantine period i’ll be able to see him again, so that’s another reason that this isn’t nearly as bad as it could be.

but still i cannot fucking believe her. and given the risk it puts our parents in, i’m at the precipice of not wanting to have anything to do with her right now.

i have a cough. it’s infrequent and it isn’t getting any worse. i’m probably just overthinking it. the weather just changed dramatically in a span of two days. we’ve had to turn on the fans in the house, which are probably whipping up dust after their long period of disuse. or i’m getting sick and i’ll get over it. it still fucking sucks.

#personal ////#don't reblog ////#covid ////

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thecloserkin · 5 years

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fic rec: Are You Mine? and I Want Some More by PoetHrotsvitha

fandom: Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate

pairing: Evie Frye/Jacob Frye

word count: 54k and 50k respectively (one is a direct sequel to the other)

Is it canon: yes

Is it explicit: this is the most explicit material i have thus far reviewed on this blog

Is it endgame: yesssss

Is it shippable: yes

One thing you guys should know about me is I don’t read a great deal of smut. I don’t actively avoid it either, and I for sure consume more smut in the context of fanfic than in professional published fiction because I feel the following quote in my bones: “It wasn’t that friendship needed to be sexualized, it was that erotica needed to be … friendship-ized.” So when I stumbled on this fic that is 80% smut stretched over the thinnest pretext of plot, based on source material I have zero familiarity with, what did I do but fall headlong for this pairing and this story. Bless you, anon who brought Fryecest to my attention, and praise the Lord for modern AUs where knowledge of canon is not mandatory.

Jacob and Evie Frye are twins born into an Assassin family and raised by their exacting taskmaster of a father to take down the Templars. There’s no Templars or Assassins in this modern AU of course, just Evie’s looming A-Levels and their absent academic of a father. Evie’s still the golden child, of course—she’ll follow in their father’s footsteps and get her Ph.D. Jacob is the problem child. He’s already fallen in with the Wrong Crowd, he’s impulsive, he drinks and gambles and mostly solves problems with his fists. His relationship with their dad is hella strained. And because this is supposed to be PWP the author wastes no time in ratcheting the sexual tension up to 11 by having Jacob pick Evie up from her posh school on his MOTORCYCLE, each of them pretending not to be so turned on they could have combusted from desire by the end of the ride. Cool cool cool.

Their relationship begins barreling in a dom/sub direction almost from the word go. Evie is one thousand percent the take-charge, Type-A personality, so the idea is that she needs to relinquish that control in the bedroom, and Jacob is the only one she trusts to dominate her. Because they’re twins and they balance each other out adfkdfkdfjdkfd. The scene in the beginning where Jacob tells her not to button up her blouse while she’s making breakfast, and she actually listens to him instead of ignoring or insulting him, holy shit that was hot. It starts so small but eventually he’s got her wearing a wireless vibrator to class and begging for her “punishment” when she takes it out without his permission because it was too distracting.

I imagine this is what the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon was about. I haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey myself, but I’ve interacted with people who rave about it and clearly got something out of those books, bad as they were. I’m not trying to compare the quality of this story to 50 Shades of Grey—it’s lightyears superior to that dreck—just that when I finished this fic I had the dazed realization that this was why people read smut.

There’s a throwaway line in Jacob’s internal monologue where he muses “they seem to be going about this backwards,” because he’s buying flowers for her the day after fingering her to a screaming orgasm, and yes I am 100% here for this trope. Ffs he sits with her in the library to keep her company while she studies! He waits for her/escorts her to her one hundred and one extracurricular activities! He’s a really immature 17-year-old and he’d never dream of doing this for anyone else, but when it comes to Evie he becomes suddenly sweet and thoughtful and solicitous. He’s constantly pausing in the middle of sex to ask for her enthusiastic & affirmative consent and reminding her to use the safe word. At the same time he’s madly jealous when anyone else shows a flicker of interest in her and he regularly makes her admit he “owns” her during their role-play. They are each other’s firsts which for some reason is really important to me in these kinds of they’re-teenagers-exploring-their-sexuality setups. This is Evie hitting up the lingerie boutique in preparation for their FIRST WEEKEND GETAWAY:

“I’m going away for the weekend with my-” Evie almost stumbled on the word, “-boyfriend.” What a strange concept.

I AM TRASH FOR THIS INCEST TROPE i love the way she stumbles over that word. Bc that’s not the box that Jacob occupies for her, is it? He’s much more than that. I love the way she alternates between begging him to put it in her cunt and calling him a prat and a shitheel; just because he’s the love of her life doesn’t make him stop being her insufferable little brother. You know what else I’m trash for? ALL the sneaking around tropes. One time while sexting with him in a storage closet at school she’s busted by one of the teachers and only barely has time to lock her phone before he confiscates it.

So the first fic ends with their dad finding the sexts and nudes on Evie’s phone, disowning them both, and Evie choosing to go to University of Edinburgh because their dad knows too many people at Oxbridge. The twins get a flat together and it’s happily ever after. Except no! In the sequel it’s ten years later and Evie and Jacob have returned to the house they grew up in to say goodbye to their dying father, and they’re ESTRANGED OH NO WHAT HAPPENED. Evie has a four-year-old in tow. We find out in fairly short order that the kid is Jacob’s, but Jacob doesn’t find out the truth until we’ve sent him through the angst wringer. The fic is about how they grieve and reconcile and how Jacob learns to parent, and this one is actually like 60% plot and I think I like it even better than the first one. This author’s note really spoke to me:

I’ve read a fair number of sibling incest modern AU fics in a few different fandoms and they all tend to end at “and then they ran away from their families and lived happily ever after/epilogue of sexy fun times possibly with the introduction of hey they've had a kid!”. And I mean I love that, don't get me wrong. But I guess I’m also weirdly preoccupied with the part about what comes after that, because it always seemed far too dreadfully simple an outcome. Normal relationships are rarely that easy, so why would these be? Then again I'm probably putting too much thought into a porn fic, LOL.

DEAR @poethrotsvitha, THIS IS A SIGNED PETITION TO PLEASE NEVER STOP OVERTHINKING THE PLOT OF YOUR PORN FICS. Like, nobody starts fucking their brother unless they really mean it, because the risk of the relationship going pear-shaped and the two of you still being stuck in each other’s orbit because there’s no “breaking up” with family? That’s a big risk. And also why incest pairings feel so high-stakes and I am trash for them, obvs. One of the reasons the dom/sub dynamic is so integral to their relationship was because Evie had a tendency to dictate to Jacob what he “can and can’t do,” and he understandably chafed against it sometimes. It’s what led to their breakup five years ago. And so him taking charge in the bedroom is a kind of counterbalance, and there’s a scene in this fic where she lets him role-play a noncon situation as a way to partly soothe his jealousy.

To a large extent it’s their son who brings about their reconciliation, but their son is also a hyperactive little git who throws a monkey wrench in their sex life, so now instead of hiding their relationship from their dad they’re tiptoeing around a four-year-old. And the big character development that happens on Jacob’s part is him recognizing that Thomas is Evie’s #1 priority now, and there comes a moment where he has to make a difficult decision to prioritize the two of them in his own life, too (by quitting his job and ending a toxic relationship). The other thing I really liked was how Jacob thinks ruefully he could have gone a another round if he were ten years younger, which he’s not, but Evie seems satisfied and that’s what matters. The recognition that he’s not a teenager anymore, and doesn’t have the stamina of one, but he’s also more mature and this time he’ll be able to give Evie what she needs? Oh, my heart. Like I said I loved them being each other’s firsts as teenagers but this, this second chance they’ve got as adults, this is beautiful.

Ok so this is Evie begging Jacob to fuck her in a closet in the middle of their dad’s funeral service??!:

“Please, I just need to forget. Just for a little bit- I need to forget, please-” Oh, God, this was a terrible idea. A terrible idea that she would die before she stopped- she felt like an addict after years of sobriety, pushed by stress and grief to needing that all-consuming high that she'd never quite been able to forget. Her fingers worked at his belt, pulling it open, unbuttoning his trousers to draw the heel of her palm along where he was already hard. “Evie,” he rasped, shuddering against her touch. “Shh,” she said, tucking his pants down enough to pull his cock free, giving it a few firm strokes. “Shh.” If they talked, it would be too real. It had to be rushed and frantic, to feel like it was just the once, to ease the ache in her chest.

And this is after they finish (“if only it could have lasted forever”):

Silently, she turned to let him zip up her dress … There was a warmth against the back of her neck as she felt him draw her hair aside and press a kiss to the sensitive skin, hesitant and uncertain. "Thank you," she breathed into the darkness, listening to the click of his belt as it slid back into place. He just sighed, leaning his forehead against her shoulder, saying a million things without speaking a word.

LEANING HIS FOREHEAD FOR A MILLISECOND AGAINST HER SHOULDER OMFG I AM DECEASED

Ok so to return an earlier point: When you want a canon incest happy ending in a modern setting (as opposed to if you’re both Targaryens) the most popular option is run away and live as an unrelated couple, which necessitates cutting ties with everyone you’ve ever known. This may be more or less difficult depending on the quantity and quality of those ties; unless this is Flowers in the Attic and you’ve literally been locked in the attic for years there’s bound to be people you care about other than your sibling so this is a monumental ask. The Fryes choose option B, “living openly as siblings and keeping the incest on the dl”. This option is not without risk, of course, since exposure is always a possibility, and Evie has to put up with the other moms at Thomas’s preschool eyeing Jacob like a piece of meat. Still, it means Thomas gets to bake cookies with his grandmother, who would not have let Evie and Jacob back in her life if they flaunted the truth. I mean, it’s not that she doesn’t know her kids are fucking, it’s just that a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy allows everyone’s relationships to remain intact:

She seemed to be struggling to get the words out. “Is Thomas…” There were a few ways that this question could go, as far as Jacob could see, and he didn’t particularly want to deal with any of them. He leaned against the counter, palms rigid against the cold surface. “I’m really tired, Mother.” “I know. I just…” There was a terrible pause. “Are— are you and Evie…” Still facing the toaster, Jacob closed his eyes. He couldn’t muster a lot of fake outrage, but he planned to deny everything anyway. He didn’t care about how plausible it was. It was easier for everyone that way, especially Mother. Before he could open his mouth, though, Mother’s chair scraped back. “Actually, never mind. It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Every Wednesday Evie (who’s moved back in with her mom) leaves Thomas with his grandma and goes to “book club” which is really date night at Jacob’s. And the two of them get right up to their old tricks:

When he gave her just the slightest nudge upwards with his hips, she finally let a broken whisper rasp out. “I can't- I want- please-” Jacob clicked his tongue. “You know what I want you to say.” She twisted her neck around again, and he could see that her eyes were now glassy with longing. “Huh?” “It's simple— just ‘My greedy cunt belongs to my brother’. “ “I will not."

The process of turning that initial “no” into a “yes” is scorchingly hot so there you go, I love these two, I love this fic, I have definitely seen the light and I'm ready to embrace smut.

#fic rec #jacob x evie #evie x jacob #fryecest #jacob frye #evie frye #poethrotsvitha

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silver-tangent · 5 years

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I am really tired of Conservatives being hypocrites strutting around acting like their side has done no wrong.

#sorry for the rant #seriously long post #i just needed to vent #politics #conservatives #lgbt

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snkpolls · 6 years

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SnK Chapter 108 Poll Results

The poll closed with 1,200 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,159 Responses

While 4’s outnumbered the 5’s for only the second time in a year, 85% rated this chapter good to excellent. The average score for this chapter was 4.08 out of 5.

dude the art in this chapter!!! i said it once i'll say it again, totally unreal. The art was on point, and just overall this was a breath of fresh air after the head swirling exposition flashback-extravaganza that 107 was.

So many things are going to happen and this chapter was not the calm before the storm but maybe like the storm before the hurricane.

Isayama binging Game of Thrones is paying off. This set of conspiracies on top of conspiracies, with so many parties involved, is just building up to an explosive finale.

First chapter since the suicide charge that’s made me cry.

Great chapter with misleading hints on the upcoming horror that awaits Paradis

It was a very great chapter that combined events from numerous sides perfectly. Wasn't too rushed or too slow either. Although the 104th development is very depressing…

As usual, another chapter with lots of answers and yet I feel like I'm more in the dark than ever. Damn, Isayama sure has a way to keep the questions burning and the plot twists coming!

Why can't answers ever be answers in this series?

Got me shooketh. Eren bb what u doin?

WE’LL GET TO THE DETAILS OF THE 104TH FLASHBACK IN A MOMENT, BUT ASIDE FROM THAT, WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF THE CHAPTER? 1,168 Responses

The 104th flashback was the favorite fandom moment! The crew blushing at each other got almost a quarter of the vote followed by the “who takes the titan” love fight. “All of the above except Zevi” came in a respectable third.

Christ Gabi's so gonna be mindfucked if she hears DauperGirl's backstory about how Sasha saved her and also Dark fucking Connie I asked for some relevant screentime for him but come on Yams nOT LIKE THIS

I didn't know I could love Jean more, but boy I was wrong

I'm just glad Sasha isn't forgotten, we always have flashbacks of her and now that Gabi and the girl Sasha had saved stumbled upon each other... Well i just hope that if someone gets killed in the woods it isn't one of Sasha's family

let me tell you how absolutely thrilled I am to see Armin driving that train. I am always into watching this boy devour new knowledge and apply that shit. Both his engineer parents would be so proud if they weren't, you know, dead and all.

Armin driving, the Springles dumbception, Mikasa carrying like six or eight times my weight's worth of railroad spikes, Mikasa's ponytail, Mikasa blushing!!

Levi pointing out his team-mates height was kinda funny.

The GabixFalco moment is all I live for

Why weren’t the guys all shirtless while working on the railroad?

Levi was holding a mug normally. unacceptable.

THE 104TH FLASHBACK WAS FILLED WITH SWEET AND SHIPPY MOMENTS. WHICH WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 1,160 Responses

30% of respondents got the warm fuzzy feelings over everyone’s interactions with each other in the flashback. 17% loved seeing the 104th protecting each other from inheriting Eren’s titan, and at a near tie, Springles arguing about who’s a bigger idiot and Eremika’s blushy glance came in third.

Eren confessing his love and being a cutie pie

Jean immediately settling down after Armin gives an explanation. LET ME LOVE MY JEARMIN MOMENT TOO OK

Eren telling everyone he doesn't want them inheriting the titan so they can live long lives

THEY HIT ME WITH SPRINGLES IN MY FACE AHHHH WHY

Don’t really care too much about it.

The glorious foreshadowing of commander Kirstein

I really loved the sweet blush moment between Eren and Mikasa. I thought that everything was lost and Eremika was only an annoying ship created by WiT. Now Isayama decided to give Eren and Mikasa a little more light. I doubt something will happen between them because of Eren's action, but I see that Mikasa is very important to him.

WHAT IS YOUR THEORY ABOUT THE WINE? 1,159 Responses

Almost half of respondents speculate that the wine has some of Zeke’s spinal fluid in it, with about a third believing that it’s poisoned. If anything, most of the fandom agrees that something is fishy with that bottle...

Oh, right. The poison. The poison for the MP, the poison chosen especially to titanize the MP so Zeke can play his 4d chess game, the MP's poison. That poison?

As much as I want to say "it contains shifter spinal fluid," wouldn't the shifter spinal fluid disappear when it makes contact with the air like other Titan spinal fluids? Yeah, I feel a bit skeptical to see the wine is poisoned with titan spinal fluid, but I can see why fans are speculating it in light of the recent events.

I didn't think anything was up with the wine at the time I read it, but I've seen all these cool spinal fluid theories drifting around and now I want in on that.

IN VINO VERITAS

Nicolo spit in it.

its filled with the tears of the fandom

IS THE PREGNANCY A FAKE? 1,166 Responses

“Fake idk, but all this is fishy as hell” sums up a lot of responses. Close to 60% of the fandom thinks the pregnancy is authentic, 8% believe it is a fake, 30% are unsure.

She may be pregnant, but obviously not in love with the guy

I wish it were, but I'm sensing strong "Ymir reborn" vibes from all this mess so I dunno.

Pregnancy fake? Nah. Daddy reveal fake? I think so!

I'm starting to think it was Eren who suggested it, but because he needed to extend Zeke's lifetime (I'm still convinced the jaegerbros have something wild up their sleeve).

We don't really have enough real information yet to understand her motivations. There is definately something fishy going on though because I just can't see Historia doing something like this out of nowhere. Giving birth puts her at risk of dying, thus leaving Paradis without a queen. Also surely she has not forgotten Ymir and the promise she made to live her own life. If the pregnancy is indeed real then I hope we get real answers soon because I am so confused right now...:/

IF HISTORIA IS PREGNANT, WHAT IS HER MOTIVATION? 1,150 Responses

Almost 1 out of every 2 people think Eren had a hand in Historia becoming pregnant. Nearly a quarter of all respondents think Yelena worked her voodoo magic and basically forced Historia to become pregnant to prolong Zeke’s life. 1/6th thinks Historia left the Greek isle of Lesbos and actually wanted to have a mini-me with farmer-kun. An even smaller part thinks she’s not even pregnant at all.

Eren doesn't want her to become a titan at all as it would pretty much repeat the entire thing that the Reiss family used to do with passing down the Founding Titan every 13 years, I think Eren wants to protect Historia from becoming a titan at all

Eren used the power of the Founding Titan to manipulate Historia to have a baby for an unknown reason.

I think *she* doesn't want to become a titan, ever, so she's using this as a delay until Eren can do something.

I'd say politics and delaying the inevitable.

She wants to be a hero of the Eldians and be remembered as someone who sacrificed herself for them

Imma be real with you chief... I can't say yet. Too many conflicting options, considering the possibility of a fake pregnancy

DOES HISTORIA HAVE FEELINGS FOR FARMER BOY? 1,144 Responses

With nearly 65% of the votes, most people do think Historia is using farmer boi, while around a fifth of all respondents thinks they are in fact working together and the pregnancy is just a ruse. A mere 10% thinks they are actually in love.

As much as I wished that they had at least become friends and agreed on the pregnancy for some secret reason, what we saw so far of Historia makes it look like it's much more likely that she is indeed using him.

He's a willing conspirator due to his old guilt, regardless of the status of the pregnancy

I don't think she is using him, but she is not in love either.

It's complicated

She is using him to hide that Ereh is the dad.

The only person Historia loved and felt strong bond with was Ymir. She may like the farm boy but I highly doubt she is in love with him.

these questions are hard.

Wouldn't that be the twist no one is expecting? Someone in AoT actually fell in love and started a family?

WHO IS THE CLOAKED FIGURE WHO APPROACHED HISTORIA? 1,137 Responses

Half of respondents believe that Eren was the hooded figure who approached Historia. 33% believe Rogue’s theory that it was Yelena. A small percentage believe that it could have been Hange. Armin, Levi, and Floch were also popular write-ins! Quite a few people are also hopeful the ghost of Ymir came to have a chat with her.

I have no clue, tbh. But I think it's someone we don't expect yet.

Creeper in the bushes! Red herring!

idk honestly. Probably a random MP spy we will never see again.

I DONT FUCKING KNOW AND ITS KILLING ME

I have a feeling the cloaked figure is a red herring, maybe just a random person working at the orphanage.

I like the idea of Armin being the cloaked figure but idk what to think at this point, we really need Historia's POV.

If Historia truly is pregnant, I think the cloaked figure is just Rogue's imagination. If she is faking pregnancy, I think the figure is Eren.

Isayama

Ymir's ghost

HOW IMPRESSED WERE YOU WITH NILE STANDING UP FOR HISTORIA? 1,163 Responses

We’re happy to report that more than 50% selected “Bless this man for existing” when Nile stood up in defense of Historia.

Nile Dawk is underrated

Rogue is a dick

It was nice to see Nile again :D

IF THE SURVEY CORPS HAD BEEN ALLOWED TO TRY A DIPLOMATIC ROUTE FIRST, WOULD THE ATTACK ON LIBERIO STILL HAVE NEEDED TO HAPPEN? DO YOU THINK WAR WAS INEVITABLE? 1,144 Responses

We’re a pessimistic bunch. 64.2 % believed war was inevitable, but the many of the write-ins expressed that the attack on Liberio was not inevitable and probably made a bad situation worse.

How can you go for the diplomatic route when you're too underexploited to be either steamrolled by Marley or colonized by Hizuru?

I think conflict would be inevitable but diplomacy would've mitigated the damage dealt. It would've sparked off but I think in a different manner.

I think war was inevitable and the strike was necessary but I don’t feel great about Eren’s unilateral actions.

Invitable or not choosing the war path before anything else is never and will never be the right way

Liberio may not have happened, but the world was never going to accept paradis anyway and would have eventually attacked

My heart bleeds bc I think Eren done fucked up but a tiny voice in the back of my head is like 'what if eren and zeke really have the One True Master Plan after all and just can't/won't share any of it to take the burden themselves h ah ah pain one can really know war is inevitable until it breaks out.

Probably. If War still happened after a surprise peaceful meeting, they may have gotten sympathy from the public.

There has to be some universe in which war is not inevitable. Nothing controlled by people should be considered inevitable until it's happened.

War was sadly inevitable, but the attack was not.

DOES HIZURU HAVE ANY REAL INTENTION OF HELPING PARADIS OR ARE THEY ONLY INTERESTED IN RESOURCES AND THE RUMBLING 1,155 Responses

“They are only in it for themselves” is the strong fandom consensus with nearly 70% believing Hizuru has no interest in genuinely helping Paradis. 28.8% believe there may be be a little sincerity in their offer of help.

Hizuru's to-get list: resources, rumbling, Mikasa.

We don't know her real motives but there must be something she's hiding or something she wants for her people in all of this. Everything comes at a price, maybe she'll ask something horrible in exchange for her help.

I think there's still more to Hizuru's intentions that we have not been shown. I still think Kruger and Kiyomi are somehow connected.

This is Kiyomi helping Paradis in the name of Hizuru behind the actual nation ruler. She has her Seacret plan.

They are in it mostly for themselves and I personnaly think that Mikasa is the only reason they don't sell them out

HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING, IF ONE OF THE 104TH ARE TO INHERIT EREN’S POWER, WHO DO YOU THINK WOULD BE THE BEST CANDIDATE? 1,148 Responses

Jean’s convincing arguments resonated with most respondents, with 54.8% choosing him. Armin was a close second, with folks wanting him to take on the quadrupel duty of holding 4 titans at once.

Eren cared, but he changed a lot... and that is here the possibility of someone eating him really soon ( i mean they gave us a flashback entirely focused on who will eat him, this is just a huge death flag to me).

I was honestly confused why Armin wasn't considered an option to inherit the titan, since Erens main concern is not shortening anybody's lifespan but Armin doesn't have to worry about that....

Depending on how the story develops, I think Eren would choose either Floch or Falco as the successor of the Attack-Founder Titan. Doubtful that he'll actually pass it on, though.

Theory: Eren doesn't want anyone to inherit his titan, he wants to get this whole war business over before his time runs out

Jean confessing that he'd eat Eren gave me life

WHO HAD THE BEST REACTION TO EREN’S CONFESSION? 1,159 Responses

Nearly half of voters enjoyed Jean calling Eren out for making the atmosphere awkward with his confession all the while blushing himself. 28% of respondents appreciated Mikasa’s knowing smile and blush.

Eren is wholesome. He and his squadmates are precious. I wish eternal happiness for them (Sasha in food heaven).

All good. All also gay. (especially the Erejean)

Eremika and Springles on one page oh my fucking god

WHAT WAS THE PURPOSE OF THE FLASHBACK? 1,156 Responses

The responses are fairly evenly divided on this question, with slightly more than half saying the flashback was to show Eren still cares about his friends and reinforce his humanity. The other half consisted of those saying Eren changed, and a good portion of write-ins that felt the flashback fulfilled both purposes.

Both to show how much he changed, and to prove he still cares for his friends

To convey how serious the situations become that it's bringing if he cares or not into question

To. Make. Us. Cry. By drowning us in angst.

To show that Eren's not fully in control of his own mind. The WH and the Founder worked together to through Paradis under the bus 100+ years ago and now BOTH are in his head messing him up through P A T H S.

Both. Neither. I don't even have a red sunset as an excuse for my red cheeks. That entire scene was so adorable!

I think it was to show how much their whole situation has changed. It was also probably Yams adding some more salt to the wound. It'd be nice if he were less of a sadist.

DOES EREN STILL PRIORITIZE HIS FRIENDS? 1,154 Responses

78% of voters total believe that Eren still prioritizes his friends, however 41% of the total votes believe that it’s not with the same intensity as it was in the flashback. 15% of voters think Eren is no longer the Eren we knew and does not care for his friends anymore.

Not enough information to say one way or the other. Liberio indicates complexity in how Eren shows he cares

He cares about them as much as he did before and so he's willing to sacrifice everything for that sake, including their trust.

Yes, but he isn't the person he was, so his prioritizing will look different.

As already said, I think he is convinced he does, but loses the sight of the greater good.

Eren is a lost cause.

He cares about them even more than before. His time's running out, he sees them about to return to the old cycle, and he wants to settle things while he still can

I think *Eren* still prioritizes his friends. How much of Eren is still in there.... that I'm not so sure of.

He might still be doing it all to protect those he cares about, but he's now willing to put their life in jeopardy to accomplish his goals if he has to.

I Think he prioritises his goals but based on his reaction to Sasha’s death, I think he still cares for them but he is clouded by whatever his end-goal is.

yes...as sacrifices

i think he's being driven to madness. he's pressuring himself to a huge extent to keep everyone he cared so much about safe and out of harm, and it's literally driving him insane. i think he laughed at sasha's death simply because the pressure is making him crack to the point where he can't even cry about it anymore. he's become so desensitized to losing after a short period of victory at the start that it just seemed inevitable. of course he lost someone, of course he failed, he's going to die anyway what's it going to matter? we only hear from connie that he laughed as a response, so we don't know what was going through his mind at the time, but the long and short of it would be that yes, i do think eren still prioritizes his friends. however, he's lost his belief in himself to keep them safe and may have given up on their happy ending long ago now.

FROM THE PRESENT DAY 104TH CONVERSATION, WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS DO YOU BELIEVE ARE MOST LIKELY TRUE 1,159 Responses

Most believed there was a lot truth in the 104th conversation. The two options most people found fault with where “Eren is responsible for Sasha’s death” and “If Eren is against them, he should be replaced”.

Eren is on side that has the best chances of his friends ending alive, but that isn't his friends' side.

I'd rephrase two of those options. I believe Armin DOES want to save Eren, but unlike Mikasa, he has a contingency plan -replace Eren if he refuses to cooperate. I think Armin would keep that as the last option, and would only go for it if there literally isn't any other choice. So yes, he *is* trying to save Eren, because that option hasn't been barred yet. I also think Eren *thinks* he's on their side, whether or not everyone else thinks so or not.

Eren is so f*cked up cuz he has 3 titans. Being one of them the founder Titan complicates things.

I think Eren is & isn’t on their side. One of his goals is to protect them at all costs, but he may have to do some things they are against in order to achieve those goals.

Eren was willing to sacrifice his humanity for the lives of his friends

Eren is plotting a Zero Requiem and is willing to distance himself

I am neutral Switzerland.

WHAT DOES THE NEW 3DM GEAR REMIND YOU OF? 1,153 Responses

Nearly 50% of the people who answered this question refused to see anything phallic in this panel, and decided to call us perverts instead. To that we say: a dirty mind is a joy forever ;) Over 30% just had one question: But why? To the remaining 20%: you are our people. Thank you!

You polls people are perverted and I'm here for that.

Erenstans can suck my 3DMG 2.0

The new 3D gear is clearly a reference to the acclaimed Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon.

WHAT’S YOUR REACTION TO THIS PANEL? 1,156 Responses

32% of respondents just want someone to give Eren a reason to smile again, 30% are uneasy about Eren’s stare and believe he is no longer on Paradis’ side. 23% of voters would love to be mean-mugged by Eren all day and 13% of voters wished he would have been given shoes instead of a shirt.

Blushing Young Eren: A blushing baby who I want to adopt! Mean staring Adult Eren: Holy Bloody Mary on a pogo stick, he's making ME blush!

Is Eren wearing the same shirt as when he was a kid? Was he wearing it all the time?

Eren's prison bed is way too long

i'm tired of Eren's angry stare, I want to find out what's his deal, and him to go out from that prison, I swear to God, he spends like 30% of this manga either kidnapped or in prison, he is 19 and was 3 times arrested and 3 times held against his will by various captors.

I just hope that Eren can prove that he is on their side because I know he will always care about his friends.

WHAT’S YOUR REACTION TO THIS PANEL? 1,160 Responses

Reiner’s burst of motivation and drive has you all split - either for Reiner to go rescue the kids or for him to stay away from Paradis for good! (PS all of you that didn’t answer Pound Me are lying to yourselves)

All aboard the Paradis Feels Train, next stop Reiner's Suffering.

LET REINER HAVE CUSTODY BACK OF HIS CHILDREN.

Reiner is a sexi boi

REINER SAVE YOUR BABIES

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE REINER’S PRIMARY MOTIVATION IS TO RETURN TO PARADIS? 1,164 Responses

The vast majority thinks Reiner’s main motivation is rescuing the two little rascals, but 27% thinks he wants to face Eren one last time. A small part also thinks Reiner will live up to his role a traitor and will switch sides again. Then there’s the folks that believe Reiner stopped being suicidal. If only everyone would have such optimism.

His hands are overflowed with strength, his eyes are filled with resolve and will to live - what a great timing for Isayama to make a new round of suffering for Papa Braun

Reiner wants to return to paradis because it is a suicide mission.

I hope that this time Reiner is not going to cause more problems and fight to Eren and SC. I hope he has learnt something, understood his mistakes and is going to walk on the right path.

I can't wait to see Reiner becoming Helos

I really want a reunion of Reiner and the 104th kids ok

I wouldn’t be surprised if Reiner’s main motivation for returning to Paradis so quickly is to save Gabi and Falco, but then...I’m tempted to believe there’s more to it than that, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there IS more to it either. Maybe he still wants Eren to kill him, or maybe he suddenly feels that he has to die on Paradis and he wants to get it over with quickly, or maybe there’s just some other shit on his mind that might surprise us at least a lil bit, I don’t know.

Papa Reiner just wants to save his children. He has no alignments anymore. He just wants to keep his kids safe and die already. I'm crying over mY SON REINER JUST LET HIM BE HAPPY.

Reiner please stop scarring yourself by putting yourself at war with paradis consistently omg

Reiner just wants to suffer

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES

Most people who took this poll primarily discuss the chapter contents on Reddit, while around 1 out of every five people roams on Tumblr, with Discord taking a distant third place. From now on we’re only going to allow one choice for this question, to see if we can find some major differences between platforms. Thank you for your cooperation!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

bitccchhh where do i even start

Really great chapter, felt like one of those that needs to happen so that you get everyone's perspective before something major happens.

No one knows what's going on except those damn Jaeger Bros.

Armin said Zeke and Eren had a jaegertalk but nobody knows what they talked about....so....that can't lead anywhere good

Save Gabi from Paradis? Please. More like save Paradis from Gabi, amirite?

Good chapter, I just wish it was longer. So far we've had every chapter consist of a mix between flashback and present time. While I appreciate the flashbacks, I hope we get back to more present time soon so the story can move forward at a quicker pace. I really wanna know the full details of Historia's situation and also when tf is Annie coming back for real it's been 4 stinking years…

It was absolutely great. The juxtaposition of the sweet moments the 104th cadets used to have just one year ago with the atmosphere of hatred and distrut towards Eren that dominates now is heart-breaking. Other than that, the father story is really fishy, especially because it was told from an outsider's perspective. as opposed to say, Historia's. I honestly believe the father is someone else and farmer-kun is just a cover up.

(About Eren's panel) he has been wearing the same shirt since he was 10

Loving the Paradis flashbacks after a year of being willing to sell my soul for them.

I feel it's a bit ridiculous to say that none of Eren is left in there. My interpretation of his character post-basement thus far hasn't been that far from his post uprising personality. The difference is that he seems more at a loss for alternatives and even more determined to finish things by any means necessary (if that's even possible). But, I do think he's got some secrets to rival zeke's.

I have high expectation on Gabi. Her arc began from a rather generic/metaphorical one yet it's become more and more emotionally relatable and unpredictable. I once thought Falco was the core of Marley arc but now it looks like he might be the one who is more of the story tool among them.

I cannot believe that something that happened like 70+ chapters ago (Sasha saving that little girl) will be pivotal for the ending. Sasha truly was the real MVP.

104th don't know that real meetings are done with chairs, not couches and armchairs!! Kids, that's not how you were thought to do things.

It was an interesting chapter. We had more explanation, but even more questions to ask: why is Historia's pregnancy fishy, who suggested her to do it, why did Eren attack Marley, what happened that made him even more angry, and turned him into a mass murderer, what is going to happen in sasha's house and how is Marley going to counterattack.(and where is floch) It's getting even more interesting, and I really can't wait to see how Isa is going to explain and unfold all this

I liked the Connie dark moment. He finally got some attention from Isayama. I thought that he was totally forgotten. I wish Connie shown his other sides more often. He is way too good, calm and pure.

I have my doubts about Armin's theory that "when Zeke and Eren activate the Coordinate, Eren will be the one in control," because unlike Smiling Titan who was mindless, Zeke is a Titan Shifter.

Really bummed with Historia's story right now. Why not have Zeke bang a ton of women instead?

EAST SEA CLAN CONSPIRACY THEORY INTENSIFIES AAAAAYYEEEEKKK

Eren brought this on himself. Getting devoured is only facing the consequences of his actions. I hope Mikasa is the one that kills him in the end.

Eren is not father, but cloaked figure is definitely him.

Everyone in this chapter is precious and people can fight me on this. And I'm looking forward to what Hottie Eren bun has to say!

Honestly, I feel like we as readers are still quite in the dark on character motivations, like Eren and Zeke's so a lot of these questions I am conflicted on. I mean that in a good way.

We still haven't heard a lot from Zeke and Levi present day, I really hope it's coming soon. And someone needs to go and talk to Eren! (other than Hanji)

I’ve already called it, but I’m calling it again for record keeping purposes: Historia is going to die in childbirth.

I'm very, very glad that some members of the SC and 104th are starting to wake up and realize that Eren isn't in control of himself and therefore dangerous. I'm fascinated to see which path this takes them down.

I think at this point, Eren is simply fighting for what he thinks is correct, period. It's black and white. Eren probably doesn't see them as right and if they aren't, they are obstacles to overcome. If that is the case, Paradis cannot continue to cling to him. Hence why I can understand Armin saying the things he did.

I honestly don't think Gabi and Falco's lunch will be focused on Gabi suddenly feeling sorry for Sasha after a sad story. After all, she has her own grudge (Zofia -who has the same hair than the girl-, Udo, the gatekeepers...). If anything, this dinner party is here to tell us how Ragako was titanized, and how Zeke intends to spread the virus through food. Enjoy your meal!

Still hoping to see Levi knee Zeke in the face

Isayama is trying to kill me. The eremin/ema talk next chapter, if we really get one, is going to kill me. I will be dead. By isayama's hand. Killed.

I'm betting my pizza, my cat, whatever that this freaking monkey is pulling a ragako 2.0!

One of the best moments was when Gabi asked Falco why he’s following her because HE doesn’t have to die. She genuinely cares about him.

Jean leaning back was the best panel ever drawn

Mikasa in the little ponytail reminded me about how gay I was

can Levi kill Zeke already?

Where is Floch???

All of the above except Zevi

That’s all for this month! Thanks again to everyone who participated. We’ll see you again for chapter 109!

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