#on a scale of one to fuck off i'm gonna tell you where you need to be
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jeremy dooley, letsplay
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#jeremy dooley#achievement hunter#letsplay#unknown video#aestheticsyoutubers#aesthetics#youtube aesthetic#youtube#i tried finding the video for this and i just wanna say something#anyone who's like 'message for content source' can fuck right the fuck off#just fucking put it in the tags?? like the rest of us?????#it's literally not that fucking hard?????#a n y w a y#on a scale of one to fuck off i'm gonna tell you where you need to be
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can u guess which gif will be at the end of this. can you guess. i'll bet at least a few of you can guess XD
Charlie: "New plan- group bonding through shared, SAFE, suffering!"
Alastor: “Oh joy~”
Husk: "Not this fucking shit again."
Angel Dust: "Well hey as long as it's consensual sufferin'~"
Niffty: (lifts arms at vaggie) "YEEET ME!!!"
Vaggie: "Ughh... no."
Niffty: "Aww."
Vaggie: "I'm never living that one down am I?"
Charlie: "Vaggie, you don't need to live anything down EVER-"
Alastor: "Cough cough! Lied to her girlfriend for three years, cough cough!"
Angel Dust: "Dude you're not supposed t' SAY cough."
Husk: “That’s the part you’re fucking annoyed at?”
Charlie: "-and the POINT is, your whole idea about going through hell to trust the people who go through it with you? Not entirely on the wrong track!"
Vaggie: "Yaaay."
Husk: "You fucked up but for the right un-shitty reasons."
Vaggie: "Great. Thanks."
Charlie: "SO! We're all gonna share the worst work day of our lives with each other!"
Niffty: "Share?" (excited) "By INFLICTING them on each other!?"
Charlie: "Talking, Niffty. We're going to, talk about them."
Niffty: "Aww...."
Husk: "Is there a time limit."
Angel Dust: "Is there a rating limit?"
Alastor: (thoughtful) "Does it still count as a terrible work day if I was able to murder them at the end of it?"
Charlie: "Uhhhh-"
Vaggie: "How 'bout we stick to how it made us feel, rather than all the... X rated... gory details?"
Niffty: (sighs) (slumps over) "This is my worst most terrible work day ever.."
Charlie: "And how do you FEEL about it?"
Niffty: "Sad..."
Vaggie: "I'll let you use my spear for roach hunting after this."
Niffty: (bouncing up) "OH THE EMOTIONS! WHATEVER ONES YOU WANT FROM ME I DON'T CARE, I HAVE THEM!!!"
Husk: "What the fuck."
Angel Dust: "Yeesh."
Charlie: "Okay that's, that's enough sharing from you. Good, um, good job!"
Niffty: "Spear spear spear-"
Charlie: "Well MY worst work day was definitely the one where we were besieged by an army of murderous angels heaven-bent on the full scale slaughter of most of my family! And they actually did kill one! Yeah- that." (laughs) "That fucking sucked and I hated it!"
Angel Dust, Husk, Niffty: (GASP)
Charlie: "What? What??"
Angel Dust: "You said the "H" word, toots.."
Vaggie: "She said a lot more than that while writing an angry text to heaven afterwards."
Charlie: "Hey! You checked the text for me- you know I was polite!"
Vaggie: "Charlie, it was the most aggressively polite 'fuck off' anyone's ever written in the history of all creation. I’m so proud of you for it."
Charlie: "Heh."
Alastor: “Cough get a room please cough.”
Angel Dust: “’m TELLING YOU that’s NOT how it’s supposed ‘t WORK you're not supposed t' SAY IT-”
Charlie: "Ah-hem. Um. Husk? Worst work day-?"
Husk: "Still living it."
Hotel Crew: "....."
Husk: "...but you stupid fuckers are keeping me company through it, so, fucking thanks I guess."
Charlie: (tearful) "Oh Husk. That's so..."
Angel Dust: "Love you too, Mr. Whiskers~"
Husk: "Shut the fuck up."
Vaggie: "Hey."
Husk: "Him, not her. The day your “her” shuts the fuck up is the day we all know we're fucked."
Charlie: "Gosh I hope not." (wipes eyes) "Angel Dust? You wanna...?"
Angel Dust: "My worst shitty day was also my BEST day."
Charlie: (bracing herself) "O...kay...?"
Angel Dust: "A friend came to work an' almost killed the boss for me. Can ya believe that? An' the only reason she didn't open him up a few new 'fun' an' 'interestin' holes of his own was 'cause I had to stop her."
Vaggie: "HELL YEAH!"
Charlie: "You mean-"
Angel Dust: "Yeah. Thanks, apple cheeks. I spent good crack money commissionin' fanart of you wrecking his shit."
Charlie: "WHAT!?"
Vaggie: "You have GOT to let me see that."
Charlie: "VAGGIE!"
Vaggie: "Oh come on, it's better than him buying crack, right?"
Angel Dust: "It def looks waaay better on my wall."
Charlie: "I- that's not-"
Niffty: "Is there BLOOD?"
Charlie: "Oh please don't let there be any-"
Angel Dust: "SO much blood, baby."
Charlie: "Noooo...!"
Vaggie: "Now I really need to see it."
Charlie: "H-WHA?"
Husk: "I really need a fucking drink."
Charlie: "I'm- you know what? I'm pretending I didn't hear any of that. La la la! I have complete deniability!"
Alastor: "That's the spirit! You hardly knew him, certainly never fantasized about decorating him with his own entrails! Just keep reminding yourself of that while hiding the body~!"
Charlie: "NO! Just.... well maybe for him..."
Vaggie: "You're so pretty."
Charlie: (pouting) "We need to commission a piece of you standing over Lute with your spear at her throat. It's not FAIR otherwise."
Vaggie: "Anything for you, babe."
Alastor: "How saccharine. Young love hand in hand, spattered in blood."
Charlie: "A-anyway. Alastor. Your turn."
Alastor: "Hmm. Well, there was the time someone reorganized the reels, somehow without mentioning it to me before air time. And without asking me before hand. But..."
Husk: "Here it comes."
Alastor: "Reorganized their organs for them later that night, likewise unasked, was QUITE fun."
Charlie: "I THOUGHT WE SAID WE COULD JUST TALK ABOUT OUR FEELINGS!"
Alastor: "My feelings?"
Niffty: "PURE UNDILUTED JOY"
Alastor: "Mm no, they didn't scream enough for that..."
Charlie: "AAAAAH!" (covers ears)
Alastor: "Shall we say perhaps, accomplished?"
Vaggie: "Over one murder? Wow. You're sure easy to please."
Alastor: "I've always believed in quality not quantity when it comes to my passion projects. Swift, thoughtless killings are so passé."
Angel Dust: "Y'know, meeting you has really ruined the whole dashing dapper man w' a tinted glass monocle for me. It's that creepy grin. You're a total boner kill."
Alastor: "Oh I do try."
Vaggie: "What about the day you died? Didn't you get fucking shot like a deer, venison a la Alastor?"
Alastor: "Fan of my history, hmm?"
Vaggie: "The TV future about it is pretty funny, not gonna lie."
Alastor: "Ah ha ha! TV DID YOU SAY."
Vaggie: "Vox airs it. Every day."
Alastor: "AND YOU WATCHED IT. HMM?"
Vaggie: "Every. Day."
Angel Dust: "I bring the popcorn and pills."
Husk: "I mix the fucking drinks."
Niffty: "I wish it had more BLOOD!"
Alastor: "ET TU, NIFFTY?"
Charlie: "Okay okay, that's WAY more than enough from you, reel back in the shadow monsters please-"
Alastor: "AHAHAHAH...!" (fades into shadows)
Angel Dust: "Creep. He's prob'ly vaping off to go curse the TV again."
Husk: "For mother fuck. I've got that cooking show coming on tonight. Will smacking the aerial with the angel spear get it working again?"
Vaggie: "Probably...?"
Charlie: "Vaggie!" (desperate) (hopeful) "You have a normal worst day at work to finish this exercise off with, right!?"
Vaggie: "...."
Vaggie: "Uh, well sweetie...."
#hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#chaggie#vaggie#angel dust hazbin hotel#husk hazbin hotel#niffty hazbin hotel#alastor the radio demon#incorrect quotes#made the gif first and was like wait#oh no#it's MORE hotel bonding time....!
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Hello, I have a Matt x reader x Frank castle smut request. Frank tells Matt what he does with you after his patrol, how tight you are and how good your pussy tastes. Frank takes Matt to his apartment and the two have a lot of fun with the reader. They use the reader like a sex doll. Despite the years with Frank, the reader is too tight and Matt is too big.
In High Demand
Pairing: Frank Castle x Matt Murdock x F!Reader
Summary: Matt's been overworking himself. Frank knows someone who can help him relax.
Word Count: 8.2k
Warnings: 18+ (Minors DNI), Explicit Sexual Content, Threesome, Oral Sex (M and F Receiving), Unprotected P in V, Praise and Degradation, An Obscene Amount of Dialogue, The Reader is Very Slutty (I'm Sorry. . . No I'm Not).
A/N: Well, I'm officially out of the frying pan and into the fire. Of course, by fire, I mean threesome. I'm sorry this took so long for me to finish. I'm a bit of a slow editor. If you have any constructive criticism, I will absorb ALL of it happily. I'm trying to improve my writing skills as much as I can. Also, I'm always taking requests! XOXO.
Read on AO3
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"I really appreciate you helping me out with this, Frank."
Frank looked up from where he was sitting with his back against the brick barrier. "Yeah, well, I owed you one," he replied, "and I'm not a huge fan of being in debt."
The two vigilantes were resting on a vacant rooftop, listening closely for any signs of danger. Hearing nothing, Matt figured the "Devil of Hell's Kitchen" had driven everyone with something to fear from him back inside. He declared his nightly patrol a success. As soon as he switched off attack mode, he felt the exhaustion hit him, and he slumped down on the wall next to Frank.
"So, you're saying you did all this to balance the scales?" Matt asked incredulously.
"Just about," Frank muttered, scratching a little blood stain off the knife Matt let him borrow. "And I only beat up one guy, so it's not like I actually had to work for it."
"I'd say you worked hard enough. I mean, you did make it all night without killing anyone."
"There you go again with that self-righteous bullshit," Frank groaned. "What I don't get is why you would ask someone you constantly feel the need to babysit for help."
Taking a deep breath in, Matt forced himself to stand, getting ready for the walk back to his apartment.
"You were convenient," he explained. "I knew your skills and I knew where to find you. Also, you're not nearly as lethal without all your guns."
"Well, fuck you too," Frank grumbled. He waited for Matt to take a few steps towards the ladder before chucking the knife he was holding directly at the back of his head. He watched it spiral through the air, perfectly on course, only to land gingerly in Matt's hand. It was almost like the knife changed its trajectory at the last second, but Frank knew that wasn't the case. Besides, it's not like he actually wanted to hit him. He didn't even think that was possible.
Matt turned back in his direction. Even through the mask, Frank could feel the raised eyebrow. He ignored it. Hopping up, he made his way over so the two of them could walk together.
"Okay, but why ask for help at all?" Frank pressured. "It's obvious you can handle yourself, and you've never asked before."
"You know as well as anyone how unpredictable these streets can be," Matt began. "You're right, most nights I can handle myself, but. . . I wasn't so sure about tonight. I wanted someone there, just in case."
He was about to start climbing down the ladder, but Frank's voice stopped him before he could.
"Something tells me you're not gonna be so sure about tomorrow, either."
"What?"
"Come on, Red. Look at yourself. You're practically dead on your feet," Frank pointed out. "It's three in the goddamn morning, you just fought like fourteen people, and now, what? You're going home to get your two hours of sleep before work?"
"Four."
"That's still not enough, and you know it."
"I'll be fine," Matt asserted.
"No one can do that every night and be fine."
"Why do you care?"
"Because unlike some people, I actually respect what you do around here, and I don't wanna find out what this shithole would look like without you," Frank raved. There was a long silence after that, both men startled by the declaration.
"You won't."
Matt began his descent, ready to end their conversation. Frank, it seemed, had other plans.
"If you were fine, you wouldn't be taking the ladder," he called down after him.
Matt paused, resting his head against the metal rung in front of him. He was really starting to get aggravated by Frank's incessant concerns. The most annoying part was that he was right. Matt would usually make it home from patrol in two minutes flat, his feet touching nothing but rooftops. He picked a shorter building with a ladder tonight because he feared his body was too sore to make the jumps. To say it had been a rough week would be an understatement.
'You have nothing to prove,' he repeated in his head like a mantra. It worked at first; he made it another three steps down, but then he heard Frank's stupid voice again.
"Why won't you just admit that you're burnt out?"
Matt gritted his teeth, unable to hide his frustration any longer. He gave up on avoiding conflict and began climbing back up to the roof to be on the same level as Frank.
"I am not burnt out," he growled.
There was an awkward pause as Frank looked Matt up and down, thinking. He carefully considered his slumped posture and his shoulders racked with tension. Matt couldn't see him, but he could feel Frank's eyes examining him, and it made him uncomfortable. He was about to say something, but Frank broke the silence before he could.
"When's the last time you got laid?" he asked, sounding genuinely curious.
"I'm sorry-"
"You're not a virgin, are you?"
"What? No!"
"So how long's it been?"
Matt wasn't sure how to feel about the sudden shift in the argument. he kinda felt like he was in a train headed towards a cliff that suddenly veered off course. He was safe from the fall, but who knew what lay ahead of him now?
"Why the hell would you want to know that?" he asked.
"Just answer the question."
"Uhh, a few months? I don't kn-"
He was interrupted again by Frank letting out a low, impressed whistle.
"That's even worse than I thought," Frank said.
"You've thought about this?" Matt asked, horrified.
"No, jesus christ, man, it's obvious. You're all tense 'n shit. You look like you haven't relaxed in a while, that's all."
Matt sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose through his mask. "I think we should go," he mumbled.
"I think you should get some."
"Ok, well it's not like you've got someone waiting for you at home either," Matt snapped.
Frank looked at Matt quizzically, letting out a surprised chuckle.
"What?" Matt asked, exasperated.
"Nothing," Frank responded. "It's just that you really are off your game."
"What are you talking about?"
"There is someone waiting for me at home right now."
"Bullshit."
"I thought you could, like, smell it on me or something," Frank speculated.
Now that he mentioned it, Matt did notice something different about Frank's unique smell. There was a slightly sweeter scent intertwined with his typical smoke and rosewood. He knew Frank wasn't lying, but for some reason he didn't want to believe it.
"I didn't hear anyone else inside when I came to get you," he added.
"She was out with some friends. She should be home by now."
"You realize how made up that sounds, right?"
"Cut the crap. You know it's true."
"Yeah, I know," Matt conceded. "She your girlfriend?"
"Yeah. . . At least, I think she is."
"Do you go out on dates often?" Matt supplied. He made a 'come on' gesture to encourage Frank to follow as he started down the ladder once more.
"I don't exactly know what counts as a date in your world, but I think we do." Frank inhaled sharply as he almost lost his footing on a loose bar.
"Wait, does she know who you are? The terms of your agreement-"
"I remember all the terms, thanks," Frank muttered. "I didn't tell her. She figured it out pretty quick though. Maybe I should grow a beard or somethin'."
"Do you love her?" Matt asked when they reached the bottom. The two of them started off in the same direction for their homes, taking only the deserted back alleys they were all too familiar with.
"Well I've only known her for three months," Frank answered, dusting little flakes of rust off his black jacket, "but I think I'm really starting to. She might just be the prettiest, sweetest girl I've ever known."
"That's a good sign. Okay, one last thing: Does she sleep with other people?"
Frank suddenly looked like he was remembering something funny. "Only if I ask her to," he smirked.
Matt was pretty sure his brain short-circuited, and he stopped dead in his tracks. "The correct answer would have been no," he deadpanned. "Why the hell would you ask someone to do that?"
"Well, Red, there's this thing you should know about my girl. I know she seems all cute and innocent at first, but she's actually the biggest slut I've ever met."
"Okay, TMI," Matt complained. Naturally, Frank ignored him. They began walking again, talking more about Frank's secret girlfriend.
"I'm telling you, man, she's perfect," he bragged. The night we met, I found her blowing some guy behind a bar."
Matt had to admit, that was a little amusing. "And what?" he asked, "you just went up to them and started hitting on her?"
"Not exactly," Frank laughed. "I was just walking home, and the guy she was with thought I said somethin' to him or some shit, 'cause he came over to me and started tryin' to pick a fight, right? Well, anyway, I knocked him out cold. Save the lecture, he was a dick wad and he wasn't even that drunk. But this girl, she thought it was hot, can you believe that? So, she starts hitting on me, saying I look strong and dangerous, 'cause apparently she's into that. She kept asking me to take her back to my place, and she was obviously hammered, so I did, just to keep her safe, you know? Almost immediately, she passes out on my bed, too tired to even try to fuck me anymore. Luckily, when she woke up, she remembered everything that happened, and I gave her my number in case she ever needed me to punch somebody else for her."
"And did she?" Matt prompted. He didn't actually care that much, but it was a decent story and it was definitely helping him keep his mind off his injuries.
"Yeah, two days later," Frank grinned. "She wasn't calling for a bodyguard, though. When I picked up, she told me she hadn't been able to stop thinking about me and was wondering if we could talk for a while so she could 'satisfy her curiosity'."
"She sounds very forward."
"You've got no idea. She's absolutely shameless, especially when she's drunk. You know, when she called me, she spent the whole conversation trying to pretend like she wasn't getting herself off."
"Wait, what?!"
"So, I had to sit there for an hour and listen to her try not to moan, and she's usually pretty good at staying quiet, but sometimes she gets so fuckin' wet that she just can't."
"That's disturbing," Matt lied, and was once again ignored.
"It's real easy for her to cover up the noises coming from her mouth, right? But the other ones. . . not so much. So, the whole time, I was just on my couch talking to her, and I was going absolutely insane 'cause I could hear what she was doing. After a little while, I just snapped and I told her if she wanted to hear my voice that badly, she could come over and I'd help her out."
"And?. . ."
"And she did."
"You slept with her the second time you met?"
"Yep. And the third, and the forth. . . probably the first eight times we got together. I mean, we were just goin' at it like every single night. It was amazing. She's so fuckin' tight, like tighter than most virgins. And she's damn good with her mouth. Like, the first time she sucked me off I almost saw your God. I don't think there's a single thing she can't do. Not much she won't do either."
"Really, dude. Stop."
"Whatever, man. I realized I actually liked her when she spent a full weekend at my place. We went out for lunch and played cards and watched a movie. She was just so smart and funny and I couldn't stand the thought of her leaving," Frank reminisced.
"So, is that when you asked her out?"
"No, that was when I asked her to move in with me."
Matt didn't even know where to start unpacking that. Before he could say anything, Frank stopped walking in front of a tall staircase behind a brick building.
"This is me," he announced.
"Hold on, you still haven't answered my question," Matt reminded him. "Why did you ask her to sleep with someone else?"
"Oh, yeah," Frank mused. "About a month ago, I went out for drinks with this old friend of mine, and was going on and on about how he hadn't gotten laid since his divorce. He seemed about her type, so I took him back to our place and had her take care of him for me."
"And she did it, just like that?"
"I told you she was great, didn't I?" Frank beamed.
"And neither of you cared?" That was something Matt was having trouble comprehending. He'd always been pretty possessive in his relationships, and the thought of sharing his partner was completely foreign to him.
"I am not a selfish man, Red. Anyone who dies without experiencing that pussy has never truly lived."
"Good to know."
Frank leaned casually against the wall behind him, crossing his arms over his chest.
"So, uh. . . you interested?"
It look Matt a moment to process what he was being asked, and when he did, he didn't know how to feel. On the one hand, he didn't want to take any more help from Frank, especially not for something like this. He didn't want to come between a happy couple, either, even by invite. On the other hand, it had been a while, and the girl that had been described to him sounded remarkably satisfying. He began to realize that Frank was right: He seriously needed to get laid.
Frank decided Matt had been thinking a little too long.
"Do you like eating pussy?"
Matt was startled out of his inner turmoil. "You can't just fucking ask someone that," he hissed.
"Why not? You seem like you would," Frank stated nonchalantly.
"Fine. Yes, I do."
"Good. I'm tellin' you right now, there ain't a woman in all of New York that tastes sweeter than my baby. You get between her legs, you come out knowing things you didn't think were possible, swear to God."
"I find that hard to believe," Matt scoffed.
"I mean it. I could spend hours down there. I did once, actually, 'till we both passed out. . . But I guess you'll just have to find out for yourself, won't you? Come on, man. You really need this."
"I don't know, it just doesn't sound like such a good idea."
Frank rolled his eyes. "We're all adults, we can have a little fun. If you want, you can come up to get your dick sucked and then head home. It doesn't have to be a big thing."
"You seem very adamant about this," Matt noted.
"Well, I do aim to please," Frank quipped. "I'm talking about you and her. I think my girl would have a lot of fun with you."
"What makes you say that?"
"You're pretty easy on the eyes, you know. Also, she seems to have a thing for jaded middle-aged vigilantes. So, what do you say? This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Murdock."
Matt sighed, and reached up to rub the back of his neck. For the life of him, he couldn't seem to remember any of his reasons for saying no.
"Alright," he decided.
Frank's face broke into a wolfish grin, and he began ascending the staircase towards the window at the very top of the building. Matt followed close behind him, wincing at the pain in his sides as he climbed. When the two men got to the top, Frank knocked four times at the glass.
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You had just finished changing into one of Frank's old t-shirts when you heard the familiar rattling of the window pane. You dried your hands on the bathroom towel and smiled as you went to let your boyfriend back inside.
Using that word was strange to you, but still it made you giddy with excitement. You never thought you would meet someone wonderful enough to settle down with, but finally you had. Frank was the most perfect man you'd ever known. He understood you in ways no one else could, and with him, you were satisfied. That was a miracle in and of itself.
You slid open the creaky window with a hard push, and watched as Frank hopped through it with a gracefulness that contrasted sharply with his bulky exterior. He seemed completely unharmed, as per usual, but you had still been worried about him. There was always that small chance he would come home covered in his own blood and full of broken bones. You were about to tear into him for not leaving a note when you noticed the red figure slipping in behind him.
"Hey, sweetheart, you remember me telling you about Matt, don't you?" Frank asked, cradling your face in his hands and giving you a sweet hello kiss.
"Is this him?" you responded, giving the new arrival a once-over.
"Yeah, this is him. Hey, Red, why don't you introduce yourself."
Matt stepped up to you and offered his hand for you to shake.
"Hi, I'm Matt. Frank's already told me all about you," he said cheerfully, almost like he knew something you didn't.
Frank stepped up behind you, resting his hand on your lower back and leaning in to tell you something.
"If you're up for it, I'm gonna need you to do me a favor, alright?" he mumbled. You could tell Matt heard everything. You remembered what Frank had told you about him and his unique talents.
You turned towards Frank, sliding your hands under his jacket and leaning in close.
"By that, do you mean you're gonna need me to do him a favor?" you wondered. Frank tucked your hair behind your ear and twirled it idly around his fingers.
"He's pretty high strung right now. I figured he might need a little somethin' special to relax."
"I'm perfectly capable of getting laid on my own, Frank," Matt butted in. Frank ignored him.
"Have I told you how beautiful you look today?"
You laughed. "Yes, about twelve times this morning. You don't need to flatter me, I'll do it."
"You're amazing," Frank marveled, giving you another chaste kiss before turning to address Matt.
"How about you start by taking that stupid helmet off. Let my baby see what she's working with."
A small thrill ran through you when you heard Frank address you as his. You watched as Matt pulled his mask off, revealing the rest of his face. He looked a little nervous but you couldn't see why. He was absolutely gorgeous. His messy hair from the suit only added to the effects of his boyish charm. You noticed he did look rather tired, but that did nothing to dull his handsome features. You could tell you were gonna have a lot of fun with this one.
"He's even prettier than you," you joked.
Frank swatted you lightly on the ass and pushed you in Matt's direction. "Watch it," he growled playfully.
You stalked over to Matt and kissed him lightly on the cheek before pulling him over to the couch.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" you asked gently.
Matt swallowed thickly, trying to adjust to his situation. "Yeah, I'm okay," he responded. You hoped he'd settle in soon. There was something about him that told you he could be a lot of fun when he warmed up. Then again, that was what you were there for.
"What do you want?"
"I'm not exactly sure. Really, I can just go if-"
"No!" you interrupted. "I don't want you to go, I want to make you feel better. I'm okay with whatever you want, promise."
Matt seemed to be struggling to come up with what to say. Honestly, you were feeling a little nervous too, even though there was no reason to be. Suddenly, you realized what the issue was.
"Hey, Frank?" you called out. He came over to the two of you holding a couple of beers in one hand. He passed one to Matt, who accepted it gratefully.
You waited until he was next to you before admitting your problem to him. "I think we feel a little weird because we don't have any rules. Could you maybe. . . tell us what to do?" you asked.
Frank nodded, sitting down in the ratty old armchair next to the couch.
"Why don't you ask me what you wanna do with him, and I'll give you the go-ahead. Sound good, baby?"
You looked over at Matt who seemed to have relaxed some. You definitely found the source of the problem. All you needed was permission.
"Can I kiss him?" you asked.
Frank's eyes were sparkling with his newfound control. "You can kiss him all you want, sugar."
You slid closer to Matt, turning his head towards yours. "Stop me if you get uncomfortable," you whispered, and then leaned in to press your lips to his. Matt groaned and immediately deepened the kiss, eagerly exploring your mouth with his tongue. It was obvious now how much he needed this.
He tasted good in a way you couldn't explain, and you didn't want to pull away until you'd figured out what it was. You could feel the throbbing in your core picking up with every passing moment. Your breath caught when you felt Matt reach up to run his fingers through your hair. Wanting to move things along, you climbed into his lap so you could be pressed against him, chest-to-chest.
"Pull her hair. She likes that," Frank suggested.
Matt complied, tugging gently, then harder when he felt you shiver against him. Leave it to Frank to know exactly what you want and when you want it. You pulled back from the kiss to look at your moderator, rolling your hips hesitantly to gauge his reaction. He nodded, and you watched him palm himself roughly through his pants. That was all the encouragement you needed.
Returning to the kiss, you began grinding down hard against him, hoping that he could feel your movements through his thick suit. Matt reacted in a way that showed you he certainly could, gasping and grabbing onto your hips to push up against you. You moaned when one particularly hard thrust allowed you to feel the outline of his cock through your clothes.
"Oh, what the fuck," you breathed, pulling away from the kiss in shock. There was no way in hell he was that big. You settled your weight fully on his lap, gently rocking back in forth to feel more of him. You had to make sure that you weren't just imagining things. You weren't. He was absolutely fucking huge. You weren't sure how he was supposed to fit inside you, but dammit if you weren't excited to find out.
Matt seemed amused by your reaction to your recent discovery. He could smell the sudden increase in your arousal that accompanied the feeling of you getting wetter. You felt his hands tighten on your hips, holding you still as he grinded up against you. Every thrust was deep and dirty, inciting the growing heartbeat between your legs. It felt like he was showing off, or using his knowledge of a secret you had to tease you.
"Feel something you like, baby?" Frank asked from the sidelines.
"Uh-huh," You responded inattentively. You were too focused on the feeling of Matt's bulge rubbing against you to say much more than that.
"Why don't you head on down to the bedroom, alright sweetheart? We'll meet you there in a minute," Frank urged.
Reluctantly, Matt released you and you wandered down the hall to wait for the two men to come join you.
Frank waited for you to be out of earshot before moving to the couch next to Matt. They sat for a second, sipping at their drinks before Frank spoke.
"I know you have a fuck ton of ideas about how you should treat a woman, but I'm gonna need you to forget that shit before I take you back there, okay? I'm doing this for you, but if you don't make this good for her, I will kick you out, got it? She's not interested in your kindness tonight. She wants you to treat her like an object. Like a dumb whore you're just using to get off. I know you've got a dark side in there somewhere, Red. I need you to tell me right now if you think you can use it."
Matt never expected that to be something that would intrigue him. It had always seemed so cruel and taboo. . . but if it was what you wanted. . .
"I can."
"Good." Frank stood up and began walking towards the bedroom. After a few steps, he remembered something and turned back around. "Also, what the hell, man? I'm not letting you fuck her without stretching her out first. I know I said you could hurt her, but I don't want you to make her bleed."
When they made it to the bedroom, they found you laying back against the pillows, gently teasing your clit through your panties. When they came through the doorway, you pulled your hand away, looking up at Frank shyly. He raised an eyebrow at you, scoffing at your innocent expression.
"You couldn't wait two minutes?" He sighed. "I'm not gonna embarrass you in front of our guest, baby, but next time you might not be so lucky."
"I'm sorry," you whined.
"No you're not." Frank came around the bed to sit next to you and directed Matt to sit down on your other side. "I think it's about time to take this off, what do you think?" Frank asked, tugging on the hem of your (his) shirt. You nodded, and he pulled it over your head, leaving you completely naked save for your soft cotton panties.
"What do you want right now, baby? His mouth or his fingers?" Frank offered, turning your head towards him. You were a little confused that those were your only options. Weren't you supposed to be making Matt feel good? Confusion aside, you still couldn't choose. They both sounded very appealing.
"Damn, Red. You must've done a good job back there. She's already having trouble thinking," he teased, flicking you gently on the forehead. "Why don't you use both?" he suggested.
Matt smiled, beginning to understand how Frank expected him to treat you. "If she's all fuzzy from a little kiss, are you sure she'd be able to handle both?"
"I guess we'll just have to find out, won't we?"
You weren't sure what it was, but when Frank talked about you like you weren't there, a combination of arousal and safety washed over you. It always seemed to put you in a different headspace.
Matt climbed on top of you, finding your lips again as he slid your underwear down past your knees for you to kick off. He pulled your legs apart and began tracing your folds gently with his fingertips. Every touch was a completely new sensation. Matt was experimenting, figuring out where you were most sensitive, which motions you preferred and how hard he had to rub your clit to make you whimper.
He circled his fingers around your entrance, dipping into you just enough to feel you pulse and tighten around him, trying to pull him deeper. Right before you started begging, he pushed two of his fingers all the way in, curling them to explore your soft walls. It didn't take long for you to gasp and melt into the pillows as he brushed against your sweet spot. You hid your face in his neck, whining as he assaulted it over and over while bringing his thumb up to massage your clit.
Frank shushed you gently from his spot on the bed, reaching over to stroke your hair as you shook from the intense stimulation. You felt yourself dripping down Matt's fingers, and you could hear the wet sounds you were making as he fucked them in and out of your tight heat.
He pulled you right up to the edge before you heard Frank tell him to stop.
"Not yet," he muttered. "She'll get worn out after the third one, so you should probably make 'em count."
You huffed as Matt pulled his fingers out, earning you a proud and dangerous smirk. He gave you another sweet kiss as an apology.
"Sorry, angel. I don't make the rules," he reminded you.
Any disappointment you felt was soon replaced by the image of Matt sliding down the bed to get between your legs and pull them over his shoulders. Almost as an afterthought, he brought his hand up to his mouth to taste the palm you had drenched. As soon as his tongue touched his skin, you saw a muscle in his jaw twitch. His eyes darkened to look almost predatory, and he tightened his grip on your thighs. He glanced in Frank's direction, silently begging for his permission to proceed.
You didn't see Frank's approval, but you knew exactly when Matt got it because he dove into your cunt like it was a fucking desert oasis. In a lot of ways, it was. He wasted no time with teasing, instead shoving his tongue inside of you as deep as he could get it. Your vision went blurry as your eyes rolled back in your head. Grasping desperately at his hair, you pulled him harder against you until you were worried you would hurt him, but he barely seemed to notice.
He drew his tongue out to give your soaked pussy a few hungry licks, drinking up everything that dripped out of you. The wet noises he created with every suck or swipe of his tongue were enough to have your face flushed with embarrassment and excitement.
Feeling ignored, Frank grabbed your jaw, pulling you into a fervent kiss. He dislodged one of your hands from Matt's hair, guiding it over to rub at his clothed erection. You squeezed him through his pants, humming happily when you felt him twitch and grind up into your palm. Deftly, you undid his button and zipper, tugging his pants down just enough to slip your fingers under the waistband of his underwear. You didn't do anything else until he said it was okay.
"You want it, baby?" he murmured against your lips. You nodded, pushing your hand farther in, but you just barely managed to brush against it before he grabbed your wrist. He broke the kiss to look you in the eye, moving his hand from your jaw to gently hold your neck.
"You gotta use your words, sweetheart. You know that," he crooned.
"Please, can I touch it?" you sighed, moaning when Matt started stroking your clit again. Frank used his grip on your wrist to pull your hand deeper in until you could firmly grab his aching cock. You began tugging it slowly as it pulsed and hardened further in your grasp. You swiped the pad of your thumb over his slit and felt him drip onto your fingers, easing the glide of your palm.
You felt yourself getting close again when Matt stuffed his fingers back inside you and sucked hard at your clit. This time, no one stopped you from falling over the edge. You sobbed as your release rushed through you, tightening your thighs around Matt's head and your hand around Frank's cock. Matt groaned against you, savoring the scent and the taste of your satisfaction. Frank hissed at the added pressure, thrusting up into your fist which was slick with his precum.
The two men reluctantly pulled away from you as you came down from your high, giving you time to catch your breath. They returned to their positions on either side of you, stroking your hair or your shoulders as you refocused on reality.
"You were right," Matt announced, breathing almost as heavily as you were.
Frank smirked, looking over you to assess Matt's disheveled state. "Yeah? 'Bout what, exactly?" he asked.
"Everything," He admitted dreamily. To anyone who didn't know the effect you had on fortunate men, he might seem drunk or high. You supposed he kinda was.
"You were talking about me?" you whispered, hiding your face in Frank's neck. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him.
"I was just braggin' about how good you are, baby," he promised.
Matt laughed quietly at Frank's statement like it was an inside joke no one else would understand.
"He said a lot more than that," Matt disclosed to you. "He said you were the biggest slut he'd ever met. Honestly, he would not shut up about how tight you were, or how good you tasted. I thought he was exaggerating, but I think you just proved me wrong."
You smiled into Frank's shoulder, enjoying the attention. He tapped you lightly on the hip to get you to focus on him.
"I believe you were just given a compliment," he signaled.
Taking the hint, you rolled over to face Matt, angling his face towards you to give him a soft kiss as a thank you.
You looked down to where he was straining against the fabric of his suit. A small wet spot was becoming more visible at the tip of his swollen bulge. You caught yourself before you stared for too long, worried you might start salivating if you let your mind wander far enough.
"That looks uncomfortable," you pointed out. "You should probably take it off before it starts hurting you."
Matt agreed, standing up beside the bed to start stripping off his clothes. If he were dressed normally, you would offer to help, but you didn't even know where to begin with that thing.
"I'm sure she wants to return the favor," Frank advised Matt. "I'll go ahead get her stretched out while you use her mouth, alright?"
When Matt was in just his boxers, you tugged him back down to take your spot in the middle and climbed on top of him. Frank had stood up to finish taking off his own clothes, and when he was done, he kneeled behind you on the bed to get you in the right position.
You found yourself face-to-face with Matt's thinly veiled hard-on and your ass up high for Frank to take you from behind. He slid three of his fingers inside you, pumping them in and out a few times to see how relaxed you already were. As soon as you had freed Matt from his final barricade, Frank pulled his fingers out and shoved his cock inside you in one smooth thrust. You moaned loudly at the sudden intrusion, wincing at the stretch but enjoying it nonetheless. Frank gave you a moment to gather your bearings before he began to move.
"Focus on him, baby. He's the one you're supposed to be paying attention to," Frank directed. That was easier said than done when you were being relentlessly fucked from behind, but you had been wanting to get your mouth on him for a while now, and you weren't gonna pass up the opportunity.
Now that you were seeing him in person, Matt's size was almost intimidating. You were glad Frank took it upon himself to stretch you out first, because you were sure you'd be feeling it in your stomach when it was time to switch. His head looked tight and angry, and you watched as a small bead of clear fluid welled out of the tip and ran down the side. You leaned in to catch it with your tongue, whining softly at the taste.
"There you go, sweetheart," Frank praised.
You licked a long stripe up the underside, stopping when you got to the top to suckle gently at the head. You wrapped your hand around the base to stroke him firmly as you focused on taking the first few inches comfortably. It was already stretching your mouth quite a bit and your jaw was aching from trying to force yourself down on it. Before long, your spit was dripping onto your fingers and sliding down to settle at the base, creating slick sounds as you tugged at his length.
You moaned around him when Frank gave a particularly pointed thrust, nailing your spot dead-on. Provoked by your reaction, he repeated the same motion until your eyes rolled back in your head and you could no longer focus on the task at hand.
"Come on, pretty girl. You can take more than that," Frank fussed. "If you want his help, you can ask for it. Don't be shy, baby."
You were reluctant to ask because you wanted to prove yourself to Matt, but you didn't think you would be able to take more on your own. Usually, you were pretty good relaxing your throat, but there was no way you could swallow even half of him without choking. If you wanted to make him feel good, you would need him to take over and force you to blow as much of him as he wanted.
You pulled off of his cock teasingly, hollowing out your cheeks on the way up and swirling your tongue around the tip. You gave it one more little kiss before resuming your strokes, looking up at him to see which motions garnered the best reactions.
"Please," you whined, using your other hand to guide his to your hair.
"Please what, sweet girl?" Matt asked, petting you gently where you placed his hand. You swallowed your pride, giving in completely to both of them. You no longer had anything to prove. You were ready to be used however they saw fit, not caring about anything except making them feel good.
"Please, fuck my mouth."
"Aww, is it too big for you?" Matt consoled, his voice dripping with false sympathy. "Do you need my help, angel? You're already being fucked on one end, is that not enough?" he mocked, tightening his grip on your hair.
He knocked your hand away from his cock, replacing it with his own so he could rub it across your lips. You opened your mouth for him, and he slowly pulled your head down, forcing you to take him in until you choked. He held you there for a moment, groaning and thrusting up into the wet heat of your mouth before letting you take a breath. He continued like that for a while, guiding your head up and down, forcing you to go deeper each time until you couldn't take anymore.
Behind you, Frank wedged a finger in beside his cock, grunting at the added friction. You gasped at the new stretch, your release slamming into you unexpectedly. You arched your back and pushed into the feeling as he deftly attacked your sweet spot. Frank grinned at your reaction, smacking your ass once to watch you jump and hear your muffled yelp.
"I'm just tryin' to get you loosened up. I didn't mean for you to like it that much, you slut," he teased affectionately. He slipped in another finger, curling them to tug gently at your entrance until he felt that you were ready.
He took his fingers away, giving you a few more hard thrusts before he slid his cock out too, leaving you completely empty. He left a sweet kiss at the base of your spine, letting you know you had done a good job, and moved around you to talk to Matt.
"She's ready for you, if you're interested," Frank informed cockily. He watched how Matt was thoroughly fucking your mouth, hitting the back of your throat with every thrust, pulling you down to meet him half-way. You were doing much better than Frank had expected you to. It looked like your mind was somewhere far away, and you were just letting Matt use your mouth as a cocksleeve.
He started slowing down his movements, letting you up further and further, until you were back to just sucking at his head while he gently stroked your cheek with his thumb. Finally, he pulled you off of him with a soft, wet pop, edging out from under you so he could switch places with Frank. You whined at your sudden emptiness, burying your face in Frank's stomach as he took Matt's vacant spot.
"Is she always this desperate?" Matt asked, replacing Frank behind you. Frank laughed, caressing your head softly as you began mouthing and licking at his abs.
"Pretty much. Actually, she's doing better than she usually is. I think she's just upset that she didn't get you to finish."
"Really? She likes that part?"
"Oh, she loves it. Some days, she even asks me to pull out so I can come in her mouth. Ain't that right, baby?"
You nodded into his hip, sucking a dark bruise into his v-line.
"Why don't you go ahead and finish me off," Frank suggested to you. "I'm sure it'll make you feel better."
He grabbed himself around the base, enticingly pressing the wet head against the seam of your lips. Without hesitation, you took him into your mouth and swallowed him all the way down. You moaned lowly, purring at the feeling of being able to take him comfortably down your throat. He wasn't small by any means, but he was more familiar and significantly less jaw-breaking that Matt.
"Fuck, baby," Frank groaned, tugging at your hair. You were content just to stay like that for a while, holding his heavy length on your tongue and feeling him subtly grind his tip against the back of your throat. With your head still, you could feel every little twitch and taste yourself in every drop that leaked down your throat.
"You wanna move at all?" Frank asked, his muscles tight with restraint. In response, you nuzzled your nose against his skin, swallowing around him in the hopes that he'd let you stay there.
"No? You just like having your sweet little holes filled, huh? That's fine, sugar. You don't have to move an inch, but I'm gonna need more than that if you wanna make me come. Do you wanna make me come, baby?"
You hummed your assent, the vibrations sending a shiver up Frank's spine.
"Then suck," he commanded, and you obeyed. You used as much suction as you could manage, creating a satisfying friction without all the typical motions. You teased the underside of his cock with the flat of your tongue, listening to his quiet grunts as you drew him closer to the edge.
Behind you, Matt was listening to the sound of your wet cunt dripping onto the bedsheets. He kneaded your ass and thighs in his hands, ensuring that you were fully relaxed before trying to fuck you. Soon, he was nestling his cock between your soaked folds, lining himself up with your tight entrance.
He rubbed the small of your back as he began pushing himself in. He was met with an alarming amount of resistance, and he didn't even get the first inch in before you were clenching down around him and letting out a pained whimper. He pulled back, afraid he would tear something if he carried on.
"Frank, it's not gonna fit," Matt told him. Frank huffed, too busy chasing his own pleasure to think about problem-solving.
"It'll fit, just keep going," he reassured. "She likes the stretch. Hurry up and fuck her already."
"If I tried, I would break her," Matt warned. "Why don't we test out a different position?"
"Fine. Hang on for just a second."
Frank tightened his grip on your hair, whispering a quick apology before pulling you halfway off of him. He gave you no warning before he was slamming back in, forcing a surprised squeak out of your chest as he ruthlessly fucked your mouth. Barely a minute passed before Frank's thrusts grew sloppy and more desperate. His cock pulsed wildly against your tongue, and he let out a guttural groan as he came hard down your throat. You eagerly swallowed every drop that spilled out of him, waiting for him to soften a bit before releasing him from your mouth. Laving sweetly at the sides, you cleaned him up as best you could before he pushed your head away from oversensitivity.
"Alright," Frank mumbled, scooting over so you could take his spot in the middle. "On your back, baby."
You flipped over to face Matt, opening your legs so he could settle in between them.
"Pretty slut," he commended, leaning in to kiss you as he lined up with your needy hole once more. "We're gonna make it fit, alright? Don't you worry your cute little head about it."
As soon as the words left his mouth, he began pushing his hips towards yours, his thick cockhead stretching you out obscenely. You winced at the pain, trying to force yourself to relax, but it wasn't working. Matt grunted at the vice grip you had on him, but he didn't advance further until he felt you could handle more.
From beside you, Frank played with your hair and kissed your neck in all your favorite spots until he had taken your mind off the pain. When Matt felt you unclench, he gave you another inch, once again stopping to allow you time to adjust. He continued on like that for a while, feeding his cock into your pussy in small increments until he was completely buried inside you.
As soon as the pain subsided, feeling something that deep was absolutely incredible. You felt yourself get wetter when you realized you could just barely make out the outline of his length poking through your tummy. It was evident to both of you from the very start that this wasn't gonna last long.
"Holy shit, you're squeezing me so tight," Matt groaned, starting a series of very shallow thrusts to get you used to the feeling. "This is what you were made for, sweetheart. You feel so fuckin' good," he praised. Slowly, he began picking up speed, fucking you harder and deeper like he couldn't control it anymore. You felt so full, you figured it was a miracle that he was even able to get half-way in. You couldn't stop the noises that Matt punched out of you with every heightened thrust. Because of his immense size, there was never a moment when he wasn't rubbing directly against your most sensitive areas.
Matt could sense that you were getting close, and he knew he wouldn't be far behind you. He started snapping his hips into yours impossibly harder, spurred on by the prospect of your impending release.
"You gonna come on my cock, angel? It's okay, you can come," Matt encouraged. He heard you cry out and smelled the sudden spike in your arousal. He knew he had you right on the edge. "Come for me sweetheart," he breathed.
You almost screamed as you came, your body arching up off the bed, every muscle tightening and trembling as your pleasure coursed through them. Matt cursed at the feeling of your walls clenching and fluttering around him. He let out a subdued moan as he fucked into you three more times before coming deep inside you. You felt the comforting warmth dripping down your thighs when he slipped out and collapsed on the bed beside you.
When you came down from your high, the night's exertion finally caught up with you. You cuddled into Frank's chest, and he pulled you closer, murmuring to you about how good you were for them. Matt slotted his body into place behind yours, leaving kisses on the back of your neck and stroking your side gently.
"Thank you," he whispered, and before you could respond, he was already asleep. You were about to follow suit, but a thought popped into your head, keeping you awake.
"Is this gonna be a one-time-thing?" you asked Frank, opening your eyes to see his face. He didn't seem surprised by your question. Honestly, he seemed like he'd been expecting it.
"It doesn't have to be," he responded. "If he's ever up for it again, I'd be fine with it."
You nodded, closing your eyes again and starting to drift off to sleep. You passed out in less than a minute, but not before you heard Frank say something that, in the morning, you thought must have been a dream. Nevertheless, it was nice to pretend it was real.
"I love you, baby."
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#frank castle fanfiction#punisher#frank castle smut#frank castle#frank castle x reader#jon bernthal#jon bernthal x reader#jon bernthal smut#matt murdock#matt murdock x reader#daredevil#matt murdock smut#charlie cox#frank castle x matt murdock x reader
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The Moon Boys as Dads
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Warnings: The moon boys being girl dads and mentions of Jake teaching your kid how to fight a bitch
Author’s Snip: This would happen eventually. It's been bubbling in my mind since I've started writing for Moon Knight. It's inevitable, everyone in this fandom wants to have their babies.
Notes: I genuinely think that Jake's part is the only one that would be troubling but let's face it. If Jake had a kid, especially a daughter, he's going to teach her how to fight and send the to the ER or to the scale
I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.
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Okay. First thing I need to make straight. I understand that the idea of them having a son is deep. Have it that it heals some of that inner child in Marc and thus the rest of them. And I think that idea is lovely. Honestly can't get enough of it, gets me in the bullseye of my feels
But these men are such girl dads, all three of them
So we're gonna go slightly off of that
Steven Grant
Steven strikes me as the type of guy who just fits into the family man role so well
Absolute proud stay at home dad who has a million photos of all of his kids energy.
Yep, that's right, kids, plural, he wants a bunch of them
He understands and respects if you want just one or two but... like...
He's so good with kids, come on, episode one where he was talking with the little girl??? You can't tell he's not great with kids. He can handle a gaggle of kids if you'd be okay with having a bunch with him.
"One for each of the us" is a joke he'd make
But let's go with the perspective that you have a daughter with him
Already he's just obsessed with her as soon as he gets to hold her
Kids are very chatty, which is great because Steven's chatty and also listens, so if your daughter is talking about her day at school then he listens and nods along.
He'd also do this with her as a baby when all she could do was babble. He'd just listen to it and say "And then what?"
Steven, although he can be quite sassy, is naturally very polite and I'm pretty sure that rubs off on your daughter. He teaches her proper manners like saying "please", "thank you", and "excuse me"
Teaches her about Egyptology because of course he does, you think he's not going to give her those kids books about Egypt? You think the egyptology nerd isn't going to make his kid an egyptology nerd?
If she takes on another interests that's fine too but you think you aren't going to have one more dork in your house?
He praises her all the time for being interested in so many things.
Not to make him sound like one of those dads but he's glad that his kid reads books
Marc Spector
I'll save you what you've heard before. Marc is unsure, Marc is worried that he's gonna fuck up, Gods have mercy on Marc, blah blah blah
And sure I'll go in on it a little bit too
Marc is of course worried about how well he'd do at parenting since he still has some emotional and mental scars that haven't fully been patched up or wounds he's too scared to lick
But hey, he knows what not to do, and that's at least something
He might helicopter parent a little, maybe even a lot, when your daughter is little, especially if she gets her adventurous side early and it's really strong
You and the boys might have to remind him that she's a kid, she's gonna want to navigate and explore what's around her and maybe she'll do something dumb and get hurt a bit
As long as she knows what's dangerous and what's gonna earn her a band-aid
Marc's good when she's a kid but I feel like he just feels more comfortable when she's older, like teenager age
I actually feel like he'd be one of those dads who gets it in his kids head that they can still be a teenager and do teenager things but don't get into any trouble or do something really bad
"Focus on school and stay away from those groups" type of dad that really just means "Don't get Fs in class and don't get arrested."
He's letting her make mistakes and grow from it but he's not gonna baby her either
Marc won't entirely be the "No boys allowed" type of dad either. But if she brings a boy home for any reason, even if the boy's just a classmate that she's doing a project with, then he's telling her that the door stays open till he leaves or they do the project and research in living room or whatever
He's so proud of her too. He makes sure she knows just how loved she is and that he will always be there
Marc actually wants to be the type of parent where whenever his daughter gets in trouble or make a mistake that she thinks "I need to call my dad." instead of "My dad's going to kill me."
Jake Lockley
Jake would have said he wanted a boy but that's a lie he wants a girl first
I can see both Marc and Jake not really being the types to keep their kid in gender roles, neither is Steven if his daughter wants to do things that are considered masculine or boyish then he won't stop her he just sort of defaults to thinking that she'd want to do girly things, but Jake is the type of dad that wouldn't care if he has a daughter he's gonna teach her how to stuff and to take shit from no one
She's going to be a spitfire if Jake's her daddy, that's for sure. A real Buttercup.
She once got in trouble for fighting a boy in her grade because he was making fun of her and he scolded her when you were around but he was secretly so proud
When she's older he teaches her how to fight people and defend herself, I mean he already told her to do that when she was younger but back then it was kick, bite, and scream. When she's a teen it's teaching her how to right and left hook and disorientate
Fuck, she's probably good with a knife too
Jake knows that your daughter can handle herself pretty well but he's still going to be protective over her
If she has a relationship and they put their hands on her that person's just straight up dead
She might know how to aim for the vitals and wash blood off her clothes but she's still his little princess
#moon knight#moonknight#steven grant#marc spector#jake lockley#steven grant x reader#marc spector x reader#jake lockley x reader
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no because, supernatural is absolutely a train wreck. it's a colossal accident that is happening in front of you that you can't look away from. it is homophobic and non-sensical and downright laughable at times but you know what? I love it. I absolute love it.
season 1 was absolutely beautiful. you don't understand, really, you don't. they had a piss poor budget, you can see that in every frame. but does that stop it from being fucking beautiful? no. it is stylised and ambitious and a fucking visual treat.
and this is like the first fucking episode. the shots have so much character! and that's nothing to say of the characters themselves. from the first fucking scene you can clearly distinguish sam and dean's character clear as day. their motivations, their dreams, their hopes, all of it. it's established so well. their dynamic is unmatched. does it also have a lot of garbage? yes for sure. because what in the name of hell was that episode with bugs? what glue were they sniffing when they green lit that one? no seriously... I wanna try some.
but then they recovered, cause they did faith. my god, what an episode. WHAT AN EPISODE. that motherfucking reaper haunts my every waking hour
like yeah, I love me some baby dean and baby sam going on their small scale ghost hunts while learning deep lessons about who they are as people and what they want from life.
also that 'laugh I nearly died' needle drop? where sam sees jess? god tier editing, GOD TIER.
then they came back with season 2. and here is my most controversial opinion that should not be controversial at all, season 2 is the best season of supernatural to ever supernatural.
what is and what should never be, hollywood babylon, heart, nightshifter, and the whole fucking season actually. not a single miss in my humble opinion. and that finale? THAT FINALE. beautiful, magnificent. ground breaking character writing, everything comes full circle while simultaneously opening up new plot lines to explore.
and my god, yellow eyes is an epic villain. he is a very viciously written villain like, he's... my god. it ain't a walk in the park writing villains, believe you me patient readers, villains are harder to write than the protagonists, always. well, at least the compelling ones are.
now season 3 suffered because of the writer's strike, but didn't miss much either. like yeah some of the hits don't hit as hard as the season 2, but hey, mystery spot, time is on my side, ghostfacers, bedtime stories are nothing to laugh about. those episodes are fucking solid, like most of the season. and there is so much raw emotion is sam's need to save dean, it just makes my weak winchester brothers loving heart throb a little too hard. also...
need I say more?
does the show did look little more washed out and boring? yes. but it's cool, cause we're moving on to season 4.
listen, I kinda just wanna leave all my season's critique at this. i mean, yeah this. this is it. this is the long and short of it; castiel. i don't think i need to get anymore into it
so season 5 is just—
i'm kidding. obviously i'm gonna talk about season 4, at length.
listen, being able to introduce angels this late in the game and then have them be a such perfectly hidden players is a masterstroke of genius. it just is. i am a writer guys... apart from the relentless fanfic as well lol. and when i tell you, introducing a new big player which is also (not so) secretly the next big bad and playing it off as smoothly as they did in season 4, is beyond hard. but the biggest home run these fuckers hit is castiel and the best part is they weren't aiming for a one lol. and oh oh, the way they use their very VERY limited budget to show wings with just flashing the fucking light? CINEMA! that's fucking cinema right there man. i work on film sets, i am telling you, this is the smartest filmmaking choice they make on the entire show. it adds so much visual intrigue while being so awfully easy to execute. BRILLIANt.
now i cannot talk about supernatural without talking about the deancas romance of it all, which i understand not everyone can see or wants to, which is fine. to each their own. you consume art the way you want to, i don't care much as long as you can acknowledge that castiel and dean's friendship was just some of the best written television that mankind has ever seen. is that too grand a statement? yes. does that make it any less true? no.
they even brought back the moody lighting.
and then there's the episodes this season, most of which are home runs in their own regard. just like beautiful writing, the character development for cas, for dean, for sam, even the late john winchester is wild. anna is a wonderful addition, so is uriel, and alastair? they don't make villains like him anymore, they just fucking don't. AND THAT GODDAMN PLOT TWIST AT THE END? man! the finale was just... too good. Chuck's introduction is absolutely wonderful, even if they ruin him by the end but that happens a decade later so wtv, who cares? But,,,, Jimmy. Fucking. Novak. That's all. that's the tweet. yeah. i'm gonna end the season 4 fan fair with jimmy.
moving to season 5.
subjectively speaking, this is my fucking favorite. this season is a writer's dream while also being their goddamn nightmare. so many WONDERFUL characters to play with and such a grand plot but you get to see it all on a very small, consumable scale which is just... it's too smart for me to not mention. i won't start naming the plot points and neither will i name my favourite episodes because what even is the point? all of it was fucking perfect. you don't understand how hard it is to develop characters to such an extent that they become so familiar to the audience that they know their next move before you even put it on the screen. and supernatural had that. they tied everything together with so much care and consideration, just... AAAH so good.
a special shoutout goes to endverse!cas, crowley and death this season. you all know it in your bones that those three were just the absolute scene stealers. especially death's introduction... immaculate.
they did lose a few points for not being as aesthetically pleasing as the past few seasons but hey, gabriel was enough to make a smooth recovery.
but this... this is the end of the road for me people. season 5 is where it should have ended. in no way shape or form am i saying that there aren't a few good episodes here and there after this, because there are. i think season 5 was so fucking solid, tied up so many goddamn lose ends and then just put a cute little hell shaped bow on top and i just... yeah. this was and should have been the end of the road. do not get me wrong, i love me some jack kline, charlie bradbury, kevin tran, rowena macleod and eileen lahey but were they worth the bullshit ending i had to sit through? not really.
i absolutely think if there weren't more episodes of supernatural I would never have become a destiel fan, because i started shipping them when dean made cas a mixtape in season TWELVE! but my god, the good times were so scattered amongst the horseshit that even when i found those hidden gems, they were so fucking drenched in the stink that they lost their value.
the worst of it all is that, i cannot explain to you what supernatural means to me in a million words, because it is a part of me, heart and soul. i fucking AM castiel. i am a gay little angel you hear me? i love this show. i do. i'm glad it went on for however long it did but i feel like once in a while i need to write shit like this or read shit like this to remind myself of the show that it used to be. of it's beautiful cinematography, of it's clever little storytelling techniques. of it's wonderful cast. of how epic their song choices used to be.
FUcking RENEGADE? iconic. wanted, dead or alive? cannot hear the song without hearing sam's off tune goat bleating that he called singing along.
i need to remind myself of how afraid i used to be of lucifer. of how much i cried while watching dark side of the moon; when dean and sam burst the crackers, and how i learnt the lyrics to knocking on heaven's door just because of that scene.
sometimes i just have to walk through memory lane and look back at gabriel's death, the good one, the only one. it was so fucking meaningful. i have to think of "we are making it up as we go" to be able to breathe properly because those moments were so fucking beautiful.
fuck the big ones, i even remind myself of the small ones, of dean's handwriting being in all caps, just like him. of sam's fucking huge laptop with that weird blue black sticker in the middle. of castiel's tie, that just was the right shade of blue, and hung all wrong but just naturally enough to add so much more to his character than any fucking dialogue could. every small little detail of supernatural that made it so damn supernatural. i miss it all.
idk. i'm rambling. whatever.
#superntural#dean winchester#sam winchester#castiel#deancas#destiel#spn#spn season 1#spn season 2#spn season 3#spn season 4#spn season 5#dean#cas#sam#dean and sam#i think it'll add onto this post later#as i think of more things#because you best believe i will
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Snippets
Just some scribbles on how a possessed human/shapeshifted alien would behave to the human's significant others
---
He grabbed his mother's face as she keeps shouting
"To be honest, mom, I'm tired of hearing you say that I'm acting weird. In fact, I don't need to hear your opinion or even you anymore! Have a good tight sleep with pop, okay? I got a whole life ahead of me and yall be deadweight anyway,"
---
His father tried to stop him from driving away but then he rolled down his window and inhumanely lengthened his arm to grab him by the neck. In mere seconds, the father is now mere inches from his son's face, if whatever being it is can even be called as his son
"So let me set it clear, old man. I don't give a shit about what you think of me or is this your car or anyone's car. It's mine, and I'm gonna use it as I please, you hear me?"
"Now fuck off!" and with that, he lengthened his arm all the way before he dropped his father right at their front door, a good 5 metres at least from where the car is, and speed off with his best friend. What the fuck is that? thought the old man still in surprise
---
"Aww too bad you have to see me slaughter that dog, lil sis. But it's so annoying, I just need to kill that little shit. Do you wanna be like that dog next? If not, keep your mouth shut, you'll tell everyone that it's just simply gone, okay? Well, it's practically gone though, to my stomach, hahahahahah,"
---
"Hey ma, yeah, dad's a musk fag or something. Look at him enjoying my feet stink,"
His mom just stared in horror but then, as if some invisible force push her to move, she quickly kneeled and then crawled to his son's other feet.
"Yeah, stop resisting mom. I need some more servant if I want to expand even wider after all,"
---
"You haven't seen everything, old man. We're not planning to just takeover the ranchers, we want to seize the whole town, and you'll join force to help us if you still want these two sons of yours be let go, you understand? Now, set a town hall by the end of this week, we'll put some of our kind around the perimeter and after getting inside everyone, then we will release these two, you down?"
---
"Yeah, nothing's really there. What blue glowing thing sliding into me when I checked on the backyard? You are one delusional old lady, you know that, maw? I didn't even scream or rustled in the bushes, you are so silly, you know?"
As he gently caressed his neck, he then whispered
"Keep talking like that or run your mouth to other people and I will not hesitate to break your back and let you die, you get me? You saw nothing and you are just a silly delusional granny,"
---
"Yeahhh......too bad we can't let any eyewitnesses, you know? So you have to be eliminated," he said to the older man he usually helped around as he lifted him several inches above the ground before he break his neck and dropped his body to the ground
---
"Remember big bro, snitches get stiches. Or in my case, snitches get slime shoved up through their ass. Keep that runny little mouth of yours zipped or I'll make your silly gay boyfriend taken over by my friends and I'll force you to watch him squirm and shout,"
---
"You resisted for way too long and asked too much question," he said with flat expression as he grabbed his girlfriend's neck and then his hands started to morph into something hideous with thorn and scales
"Scratching you to let you know that I'm, as you suspected, not your boyfriend. But I'll make sure you won't see the daylight anymore if you are not going to cooperate with me to breed you, bitch, so shut the fuck up and just take the dick up in your ass!"
She tried to scream but he muffled her and pistoned the hardening uncut cock into her pussy in one swift penetration. Soon she'll bear the first hybrid baby that Earth ever seen
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Can’t leave these two out. Alternate versions of Ethan and Zoe's sections of this post.
(Gender ambiguous).
Warnings: violence, blood, mild gore.
Masterlists here!
Zoe Baker
You and Zoe are so, so close to finishing the cures, to getting out of the hellhole that the Baker farm has become. You, Zoe, and Mia. Once you find out wherever the hell Jack moved her to, that is. All that’s needed is one more ingredient: Dahlia’s arm, which Zoe has told you that her mother might be keeping in the old house. Honestly, if there’s one place on the property that you were really not looking forward to visiting, it's the old house.
But here you are, sneaking across creaky floorboards, biting back a scream whenever one of Marguerite’s big ass bugs flies straight at your face, and smelling rot. Rot and something similar to what a stink bug releases when you crush it. It’s giving you a headache.
Zoe places a hand on your shoulder and nods to the right. “This’ll be the way we want to go,” she whispers. You both seem to be alone aside from the insects, but it’s still best to keep quiet.
This isn’t the first time that your girlfriend’s accompanied you outside of the trailer, but it’s the first time in a while. Most often, it’s simply better to sneak around than fight, and it’s much easier to do that without company.
There’s no telling how long it will be before Marguerite realizes that you took her lantern.
Zoe pulls the crow key out of the back pocket of her jeans.
Both of you share a look.
You ready yourself to use your knife. If need be, that is. Although you’d much prefer your flamethrower or gun, you’re a bit short on burner fuel and ammo at the moment.
Zoe slips the key into the lock.
She slowly begins to push the door open...
...then stops when something on the other side prevents her from continuing.
A bright eye appears between the door and its frame. “You thievin’ lil' shits!”
Marguerite snatches her lantern back and shoves Zoe. She staggers but manages to catch herself before she can tumble down the steps, aided by you reaching out your hand to help her.
You slam your blade into the gap, puncturing Marguerite's eyeball. She falls back, the door swinging open once she's out of the way. She starts writhing like an overturned beetle. You take the opportunity to grab the lantern and knife once more, turning back to Zoe with an expression that says one thing: Run.
Together, you both start moving as fast as your feet can carry you. You can't afford to mess this up. You can't.
There's an immediate right, then you're practically leaping up a short set of stairs.
Another right, a left, and you're at the scale that requires Marguerite's lantern. Another lantern already dangles from one end, moths flittering around it. You practically slam the stolen one onto the free hook.
The scale balances out. The locking mechanism on the door opens with a loud clunk!
"You have done nothin' but corrupt my daughter further..." She's back up. Her voice seems off. Distorted. A sharp chill trickles down your spine like ice water.
She's muffled but still seems far too close for comfort. Where the hell is she?
You and Zoe push into a musty child's play area. It's even darker than the rest of the house.
Without warning, the room's singular window shatters. Broken glass sprays across the room.
"Jesus!" Zoe yells in surprise.
An unnaturally long, spindly arm shoots through the frame, grabbing for you. "I'm gonna tear your fucking face off and eat your scrawny head!"
There's Marguerite.
Cold, dry fingers wrap around your ankle and, with a single sharp tug, topple you onto your back and start dragging. Your blade falls with a muted thud.
"Fuck!" you cry out. "Zoe, help me!"
The shock of it all is like a hard punch to the gut, knocking the wind straight out of Zoe and replacing it with fear.
She acts quickly, seizing you and getting her arms hooked under yours. Unfortunately, the carpeted floors don't offer much traction. She immediately begins to move with you. "Mama, no! Don't do this!"
Your free leg makes contact with the wall below the window. You do your best to press your foot against the wall, to grip the dusty carpet with all you have, to keep away from this monster that used to be your girlfriend's mother.
"This is for your own good, girl, y'hear me?!" Marguerite grabs a fistful of your shirt, yanking your upper half toward her face. A centipede protrudes from her mouth like a grotesque tongue, other insects spilling out from around it. You let out a panicked yelp as they begin to land on you.
Your hands shoot up, desperate to keep as much distance as possible.
Zoe continues to tug with all her might. "Let go!"
Since the start of this nightmare, she's seen a whole lot of death. She's worked with many of her family's victims to create this cure, only for them to meet a gruesome death.
She's seen her mother, father, and brother die, but because of Eveline's "gift", they always seem to get back up.
You, however, will not. And Zoe doesn't want to lose you. You mean too much to her. You're all she has in this hell. The two of you have spent nearly a year together in that trailer on the property, cuddled close on the small bed, sharing smokes across from each other at the booth, murmuring "I love you"s while those mold monsters wander outside. She refuses to lose you!
The centipede is close enough to brush your lips, which are twisted into a close-mouthed grimace.
Zoe's dark eyes dart all over, desperate for something to help get you out of her mother's grasp.
She spots your knife lying there. Releasing an arm, she reaches back and tries to get it. Her fingers graze the end of the handle, still not quite close enough to reach.
"I... I said..." She releases you completely. The gap between you and Marguerite closes by half, and your already wide eyes grow even wider in terror. You want nothing more than to scream, but you're afraid to open your mouth. The bugs have gone from landing on your shirt to your face, then start going down your shirt.
Zoe's fingers close around your weapon.
"Let go, goddamnit!" Her hand lands on your shoulder again.
Your knife slams into the top of Marguerite's skull. She lets out an awful shriek as her grip loosens on you.
Zoe yanks you free, shoving you back in the direction you both came in. You stumble a little before regaining your footing, continuing to move because her hands are on your back, forcing you to.
"Shit, shit, shit..." Your voice shakes as you brush the bugs off and shake them out of your clothes. Your skin refuses to stop crawling. "Wh-what about the cure?"
"We'll have to wait for a better opportunity, baby! You're my top priority right now!"
Zoe allows herself a shaky sigh only once you're back through the old house's gates, and traps you in a brief—yet tight—embrace back inside the trailer.
"That... That could've... gone better," you remark quietly.
"Yeah. It could've." But it also could've gone worse. Zoe is simply glad that you didn't meet the same fate so many others have. The relief she feels is immense. She gazes at you for a moment, fondness beginning to creep in before she looks away "...We'll have to gather more supplies. Better supplies. We'll get outta here together. I swear it."
Ethan Winters
“Ethan?” you call out. “E-than, I’m about to start making dinner. What are you in the mood for?”
No response.
"Ethan?"
You crack open the bedroom door.
Your boyfriend is sitting on the bed with his laptop, arms folded over his chest and his eyes closed.
Best not to disturb him. He already has enough trouble getting shut-eye as is. You close his laptop, set it aside, drape a blanket over him, and quietly close the door behind you as you leave.
Maybe you’ll try to make something new tonight. Ethan’s not a picky eater, and there are still a few things you haven’t made since you left the village... Hopefully, you can still remember those recipes.
You step into the kitchen and after a bit more pondering, begin to pull out ingredients and supplies.
There's knocking at the front door.
You pause.
Since you’ve started staying with Ethan, you’ve only heard knocking once. And it was after he accidentally locked himself out.
The house is in a vaguely secluded location. There are no neighbors. No nothing. And he hasn't told you that someone would be stopping by.
“Who’s there?” you hesitantly approach the door.
...What if it’s someone like you? Someone without a destination to head to? Someone desperate to escape a bad situation?
“My name is Maria.” The person sounds young and on the verge of tears. “I’m lost.”
Biting the inside of your cheek, you place your fingers on the deadbolt.
Before you turn it, you think better of it. A bad feeling settles in your gut.
“I’ll be back in a moment.”
“No!" Maria's voice raises sharply. You flinch. "You must let me inside! Please!”
“...Um... I will,” you say, heading for the stairs. “Just-just give me a moment.
The knocking turns into thunderous pounding. You freeze halfway up the steps, The intensity matches that of a Lycan attempting to force its way in. You fear the door might break.
No, wait.
The door is breaking.
It's audibly starting to splinter.
It's broken.
A figure you had hoped and prayed you would never see again is standing there, cloaked in black feathers with icy eyes staring you down from behind a gold mask.
This can't be happening. You thought you were safe!
As she crosses the threshold of the home, you finally snap out of it and practically launch yourself up the remaining steps.
What are you going to do?
What if she tries to hurt Ethan?
You throw open the bedroom door and promptly slam into him.
“Ethan,” you choke out, practically sobbing and breathing raggedly, “don’t go downstairs!”
He grasps your shoulders. “Whoa, hold on, why? What’s going on? What was all that noise?”
“I was a fool. This is all my fault. I’m so sorry! I should have known she would find me!”
“Who?”
Almost as if on cue, Mother Miranda rounds the corner at the end of the hall and comes into view.
You visibly become more panicked. "She's going to kill me!"
Ethan still doesn't know what's going on or who the hell that is, but he does know that he isn't going to let anyone hurt you. He pulls out the pistol he got from under the bed and aims it at the intruder. "Stay back," he orders. "Stay back, or I'll shoot!"
Miranda doesn't stop, doesn't even pay his words any mind.
"Fine. Have it your way." Ethan pulls the trigger. A bullet hits Miranda in the shoulder. She jerks a bit but has no reaction otherwise.
Shit, Ethan thinks. This is like Louisiana all over again. He recalls the first time he shot Jack Baker, recalls how the man hardly even flinched. "That tickles, boy."
If Ethan could take that mold-ridden nutjob down not once but thrice, then he can handle this black-feathered figure. He tells you to get behind him and starts pumping her full of lead.
"Step aside." Miranda's voice is pure ice. It sends a sharp chill down your spine.
Ethan holds his ground, pulls back the hammer, and shoots her squarely in the face. She staggers this time. Properly staggers.
"Go. Get out of here. I'll hold her off."
"You can't—"
"Go!"
Gold talons seize Ethan by his throat, lifting him into the air with ease and slamming him into the wall beside the door. As he struggles, sputters, and gasps, he begins to turn red. "Go!" he just barely manages to get out.
"Leave him alone! Please! I'm the one you're here for, not him!"
There's an audible cracking sound. Miranda finally releases him. He falls to the floor, limp.
"No!" you all but wail. He's dead. He's dead, and it's all your fault!
She turns her attention toward you once more. Your brain screams at you to move, but you're completely frozen in place. She grabs you the same way she had grabbed Ethan, squeezing your neck.
No matter how hard you try, you can no longer draw in any air. Her hold is vice-like. Your panicked flailing and attempts to pry her off aren't accomplishing anything.
The edges of vision quickly begin to grow dark. You feel as though your head is going to explode.
You're going to die.
You're going to die!
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
A load of blood and brain matter sprays out the side of Miranda's head. Her grip goes slack. Finally, you manage to get some fresh oxygen into your lungs. She collapses and you're dropped, landing in a pile on the floor.
"Are you okay?"
A pair of arms are wrapped around you, pulling you into a comfortable, safe hold. You return the hug, clinging as though the person will disappear if you let go.
"Ethan." You sob in relief. "I-I thought she killed you..."
"No. No, I'm fine." And you're safe now. Ethan is so, so glad. He can't imagine what he would do if he lost another partner, can't imagine what he would do if he lost you. You're the most important person in his life. "And she's dead now."
"No, you can't kill Mother Miranda," you insist. "The Black God has gifted her to be Its messenger, and she will always return to deliver Its word and... and divine punishment."
That...
Sounds concerning. And... and wild. But Ethan knows all too well that the dead don't always stay that way, so he can believe it.
If this Miranda gets back up, then he'll just have to take her down again. He'll do it as many times as he needs to.
He'll do whatever it takes if it means keeping you safe. That's a promise.
#resident evil x reader#ethan winters x reader#zoe baker x reader#zoe baker#marguerite baker#mother miranda#re 7#re 8 village#resident evil village#resident evil 7 biohazard#re 8#x reader#re 7 biohazard#re village#ethan winters#ethan winters x you#zoe baker x you
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THINGS SAID IN THE GROUP CHAT SENTENCE STARTERS
Assembled by @sheenathehyena.
I gave you a beach house now be normal
It's just so fucking ridiculous it circles back around to being poignant
I'm fine but what an inconsiderate toolbox
the fucking white boi who is trying to "find himself" that you meet all of once at the beginning
Yeah you want me to shoot my baby batter all over you cover you with almost - children
YOUR PLANET'S HOPE IS SONIC THE HEDGEHOG'S TRANS ASSHOLE
Not sure how to feel about talking to actual fucking yakuza members for entertainment purposes
On a scale of Balan Wonderworld to Silent Hill, how are you dealing with your trauma?
Roses are red, violets are blue, singular they is older than singular you
Concerned Ape noises
You ever think about the fact that [name] really said "the birds work for the bourgeoisie" & they were right
My patience for slipping over improperly spilled blood has run out.
If you can see the bones of your whipped pupil, you failed.
You know the healer's oath: Only do moderate harm to those who cross you.
Man I don't know if lack of shame is a blessing or a curse.
Parsooth m'lady but would you be so kind as to partake of the exquisite past time of role playing?
So they aren't DENYING the piss kink
uhm you need to be more of a doormat…..your boundaries are making me uncomfy 😦
That's HARLEQUIN NOVEL descriptors of sex
where is my mouse arrow? where is it holy fuck
fetishize urself ig
It's always people with feet fetishes or fat fetishes that be so open about it
Look at this unhinged mother fucker
Fuck you I hope your pice of shit family burn in a dumpster fire
Sorry you had to overshare about a tough time with some random chick in school but it's not relavent to my cat at all.
We're at a sword store and it's full of exactly what you'd expect.
Nobody was reading Lemony Snicket going "teehee they made Count Olaf bitch sauce"
Wikipedia I love you but your donation pleas sound like a lying teenager begging for money online
There's no right way to look at the guy that tossed his baby off a cliff and say "I think he needs to look cool for a minute there" is all I'm saying
Okay, wonderful. GREAT, take them all. Please leave immediately
one time I ran a server and I was being weird so I changed literally everyone's nickname to Frank
AKGHDLK I'm gonna SOB they asked if they could share their ticklefics
heavy meals always make me HONK MIMIMIMIMI
I found a fucking book of Mormon lmafo
lemme go take a dump and ill set it up
THREE. THREE TIMES. HE'S BEEN ARRESTED FOR INSIDER TRADEING THREE FUCKING TIMES.
tell her it was you who farted, establish dominance
I have been hoarding vidya games for the three of us to play like a dragon
Nearly had a heart attack because I was poopin and saw blood but realized it was my period
Ok we need to get a big cardboard box and a vaguely feminine scarecrow dressed as a boyfriendless girl
Puts my head in your lap like a cat
Some Filipinos wanna buy your titty mousepads
the chris chan trials are about to be the depp vs heard trial for people who had unrestricted internet access at a young age
Now u will screenshot us talking shit and put it in the callout 😭
GUYS I NEED PROOF THAT [name] IS GAY TO STICK IT TO A 19 YEAR OLD ALT RIGHT IDIOT
🙂 our fursona is gonna b friends with sonic
I both love and hate [name]’s writing. How they go from ancient purple prose to “oh shit oh fuck”
i guess you could say…. this was a triumph
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have you considered that this song is a song for the forger family (mostly and loid and anya story) from the POV of loid? I have.
I think the beginning of the song, the forger family is hanging out having a Normal Day but something happens and they find out Anya can read minds. Anya explains everything about her powers and even mentioning that bond can see the future as well. loid realizes that "oh wow my kid has known all this time and she has been hiding it. she could be a great spy (<- does not want that, actually) and he kinda kicks himself for that being his first thought "she's gonna be a lot like me, but I don't want to be at all like me"
she is bawlling about this cause shes terrified that shes going to be sent away again (or killed cause mama is an assassin) but yor says "stranger things than death can happen to labrat girls and pretty white dogs [rabbits]" trying to comfort her kid. reassuring her that she's going to be okay and she's staying right with her family. from there, loid tells wise that his daughter reads minds, it takes some convincing but he eventually gets through to them that, no he isn't joking and yes, he is serious. he's seen some shit and after looking into it a bit more that yeah holy shit lab rat girl. this isn't his first Christmas, he knows a mistletoe when he sees it and all that. after that, loid tells her to play along. wise knows what's going on and they want to run a few tests and such. Anya FREAKS the FUCK out but she calms down (a little) after loid starts joking with her. eventually he ends up making the joke "well afterwards will you tell me if I'm still pretty?"
he thinks it's a lousy joke but Anya lights up and starts laughing and laughing. she loves it. it calms her down enough for her to take some tests and wise to get the information they need. but every time they go in, anya comes out looking worse and worse.
then loid begins to realize that they are taking advantage of his kid. he's realized that this isn't "just for the mission" at this point and now he's worried that his daughter is getting hurt. he knows she hates these tests but he's still taking her. and he starts to question why.
he ends up talking to yor about everything, being a spy, where hes been taking anya, and what he thinks wise is doing to their girl.
yor is lowkey pissed. how dare they even lay a hand on anya, and she kinda goes off on him, saying that what wise is doing is wrong. she isn't a tool for some non-existent war and that Anya is the best thing to happen for both of them. they need to look back at what their family has really been like. (look through the pockets of the hand me downs we've layed out) and he needs to start thinking about his life as a father and a husband.
at some point, weather it be when yor called him on his shit or when anya comes out of the testing room in near tears, loid realizes what he's doing is wrong.
and he leaves wise.
and they are nooot happy about it. they keep trying to stalk him and his family and they keep getting into all of their business. and so now loid has explained to Anya what's going on. that these people are "old friends" and they aren't very nice. so he needs her to be on her best behavior and be very very careful. just play along. Anya, who obviously is still scared cause she's like. 5, loid repets that bad joke he made at the start of this whole thing "and afterwards will you tell me if I'm still pretty?" a while has passed and they've gotten somewhat comfortable. they are still being stalked by wise but they haven't made any big moves. and one day, Anya and yor have come home from walking bond, she's recently gotten a bike, but she's scraped her knee. they get it cleaned up and she's taken back home and tucked into bed for the night. and wise makes their move. they attack the forger household, and yor and loid have to start fighting, they both have been in large scale fight before but this one particularly hurts loid. these are the people who he's been working with for years and now he has to fight them?? because they won't just let him be happy?? with his family?? eventually they are outnumbered and they have to take Anya and run. Anya is confused and scared and she doesn't know what's going on. loid figures that, while she is a smart ass kid, she needs something less scary right now.
it's a game of intense tag, he needs to run away from everyone and then they will all win! (just like in the first or second episode) they run and run, all the while loid is kicking himself in the ass, what's wrong with him? how did he let this happen?? wise is still on their tail and eventually they've been surrounded. loid and yor are good but they are just two people. they keep fighting, trying to protect their daughter but. eventually they get taken out. yor was too lethal so she ended up having to be killed. bond was muzzled. and loid was subdued and Anya was taken away. as Anya is being taken away from him, he wants to hold her, tell her things are going to be okay, hell he'd even make that stupid joke again if it could make her laugh, but he's too stricken with grief and regret to word it properly. all he can say is "could you tell me how"
this plays in my mind every time i hear this song and it drives me mad /pos
#i didnt write it as well as i wanted to#it was 1 in the morning when i did so#whatever i needed to put this somewhere tho#spy x family#spy family#spy family anime#yor forger#anya forger#loid forger#sxf anime#Spotify
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Operation: Survive
The one where Loid realizes he married a tickle monster
Never before have I felt this loss of control. This helpless sense of urgency that comes with the most evil of torture methods. I hope Franky is having more fun with Anya than I am here.
Loid was thankful that the drunken siblings were capable of some mercy, shown by how they slowed down to let him breathe. Or, how Yor stopped wiggling her fingers from their vantage point above his trapped arms, and Yuri paused only to take another drink from his glass. He did not get off of Loid's waist, and Yor did not get off of his arms. All that it had taken was poking and verbal teases from either side to get the spy down to the floor, where all hell had broken loose as two drunk tickle monsters found a new victim. Loid had forgotten what it felt like to laugh as hard as he just had, and his heart sunk when Yuri set his glass down to continue before he could catch his breath.
"P-plehease...You two, this is horrible!" His pout was not exaggerated, and the look of fear was in Loid's eyes, certainly not Twilight's, as Yuri wiggled his fingers above the other's stomach. It twitched as he sucked it in. "I don't deserve thihis!"
"Liar! You lied about being ticklish, and you know what I think about liars!" Stubborn as ever. "Now we're gonna prove it! We're gonna hear you really laugh! Not fake laugh!"
"You've already tickled me! You've been tickling meHEEE!"
Yuri had only poked him, but his body had jumped and curled in a ticklish way.
Loid shot his wife a pleading look. She seemed unphased and distant, and wordlessly dug her fingers back into his armpits. She lightly scratched over the thin cloth of his shirt and that alone was some of the most terrible tickling he had ever experienced in his life. He made a mental note to never let his enemies get this same chance his wife and brother-in-law had. His back jolted with each loud cackle as the sensations shot through his body, getting worked up and sensitive the longer it was teased. She would flick his red ears or neck occasionally and earn a genuine squeak each and every time.
"GaHAAA! GUYS, ah, ahHEE-AHH! KTH, nohohAHAHAHA! FUCK, FUCK, NOHOHOHO! I'M, AHA, HEEEEE!" He stomped his feet hard as Yuri yanked his shirt up to get at his belly button, a surprising spot that made Loid explode into loud, solid cackling and guffaws. Smirking at this reaction, the other leaned down to blow a raspberry on the spot and was met with uncharacteristically giddy, squealing giggles. Suddenly, the spy was a child again. Not in the bad ways - not the wars - but something about safety that he was too ticklish to think about at the moment.
Yor's fingers were on either side of his neck now, giving soft tickles that had him further devolving into utter, giddy panic. He never thought panicking could be done while laughing his brains out, and it was a mixture of fun and torture that left the spy confused.
Yuri's face lit up. His hands kept toying and poking at Loid's bare tummy and sides and hips, giggling and announcing the spots that proved Loid was ticklish. "See that navel? A lot of nerve endings are in this liar's tummy button! And just below it! See Loidy, we proved that you're really ticklish! Mmm, you need to be careful moving around that kitchen with sides this ticklish! Can you say how much this tickles, on a scale of liar to ticklish liar who regrets lying about being ticklish?"
Loid was breathless and begging through the sheer panic at the realization that Yuri wouldn't stop and Yor was in a similar state. "Pleheheeease! Oh, OH, GAHAHAHAHAD!"
All ten fingers, scratching and wiggling into that little soft spot just below his belly button. The bastard-in-law was having a good time. "Is this a tickly-wickly spot? Right here? Is this a spot that makes wittle Loidy-liars tell the truth? Is it?" He teased, and Loid's eyes widened. Would either of them speak this way sober?! This was humiliating and the sheer forced hilarity was what made him laugh harder, not the fact that the teasing had him flustered beyond measure and made the silly torture even worse.
"OHOHOHO! NahhhhhhaaaaaAAAH!" He wheezed. His face and ears were a bright shade of red and on fire.
Yor's fingers never let up despite her silence, a side effect of the alcohol. Something to do with being practiced as an older sister perhaps, but she knew what tickling where caused the best reactions for Loid. Digging into his armpits, drawing random shapes or writing words in them, scratching under his chin softly, tapping down to his ribs where Loid would squirm. Yuri's fingers joined hers on the lower ribs, which seemed to be worse than his sides from how much he wriggled. She felt her face flushing at the realization her husband, who was always so stressed and tired from working and raising Anya (who was having dinner with her other uncle) was really giving in to the tickle monsters. His smile was the biggest she had ever seen, he had never cried this hard from laughing (although they had certainly gone overboard), and he had not really fought that hard to stop either one of them from doing this. She noticed how he looked though. The way his hair was messier than usual, his cheeks were more rosy with a grin that big, and now that his stamina was almost out, it was softening into something more helpless and tired. Something about him was simply so...endearing.
"My husband is such a cutie," She sighed happily. She opted to give him another break, watching Yuri slow down now that Loid really was getting out of control and spasming with his reactions. "Yuri, I think it is bedtime..."
"S' tickle time," Yuri frowned.
"Enough tickles," She fell to the side and released Loid's arms from under her knees. He shot them down to massage his tingling skin.
Yuri was deciding whether to actually stop the torture or keep going now that Yor was going to sleep, but his thinking was interrupted by the front door swinging open. Franky and Anya walked in, the former with a grocery bag that had several stuffed animals for the girl.
Stop being the fun uncle and spoiling my daughter! You could have saved me if you hadn't gone out!
Loid's eyes widened as he realized what sort of a disheveled state he must be in, and was exhausted to boot. "Uh..."
Yuri, on the other hand, had an evil idea. "Your papa lied about how ticklish he is! Yor and I were testing him!"
Franky snorted, and Loid felt like murdering him when he saw Anya sharing that exact same smirk. "You find that spot on his ribs?"
"TRAITOR!" Loid exclaimed.
"Sleepy time," Yor said again, and raised her arm to wave at the informant and daughter. "Papa doesn't need anymore tickles tonight! We'll play again some time soon," She grabbed Yuri and pulled him off so Anya could sit on her Papa's lap instead.
Loid pulled himself up as she tried to wiggle her little fingers over his chest. He allowed himself to giggle because really, Yuri and Yor were tickle monsters and had done a number on him, but grabbed Anya's small hands in his own and kissed one like she was a princess. "D-don't tickle Papa, tell me what Franky did to you."
"Uncle Scruffy and I got pizza!" Her eyes lit up, and Loid let himself relax again as he listened to what they did that evening. The siblings were falling asleep, Franky was for once being helpful by putting away empty dinner plates and wine glasses, and Anya still needed to get ready for bedtime.
He was thankful being a spy gave him so much stamina, otherwise he would have definitely drifted off from the tickle torture too.
#spy x family tickling#loidforger#yorforger#yuri#tickling#drunk!yor#ticklemonsters#demonsiblings#ler!yor#lee!loid#ler!yuri#anime#spy x family#anyaforger
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i'll be real. you blazed a post onto my dash. i'm gonna block you. rules are rules. figured i'd help you out before i do.
you really want to know why the youtube algorithm is bad? positive feedback loops. not positive as in good, but positive as in they grow larger over time.
youtube's recommendation algorithm is partially based off of what it learns from users. it takes in all kinds of data on what users watch--the uploader, the title, the tags, the thumbnail, the description, anything it can glean from the audio and visuals, whatever. you name it, google's probably holding it. they dont have yottabytes upon yottabytes of data for nothing.
importantly, though, is that they also keep track of what the user watches Next. see, google (as with most social media that uses an ad revenue model) will run studies, where they try out different experimental algorithms created from viewership data on different users and see what is more likely to get users to click through. how they create these experiments is pretty complicated, and i'll save you the technogore. think of it as making tons of algorithms that each think different combinations of aforementioned viewership data at different amounts are the reason why that viewer made their choice, then projecting that onto all users to inform future suggestions. trust me, that's the easy way to think about it.
what makes it a positive feedback loop? well, recall that i said the algorithms are created on viewership data. the successful one(s) is/are then used to inform future recommendations. that data is then used to further experimentally tweak the algorithm. the choices user make influence the algorithm. what influences the choices users make? the algorithm. as time moves on, the algorithm becomes more and more biased until youtube decides to make more dramatic changes to influence things in a different direction (remember the change to favor runtime? then to favor watch-through?)
here's where i get all communist, and why i felt compelled to write all this. youtube isn't fixing shit about this system. why would they? people are clicking through recommendations at insane rates! they're watching more videos! and sure, a general societal right-wing bias might have positive feedback looped into turning the website into a facism pipeline, but google is making so much fucking money from gathering an insane amount of information from users that can be used in ad targeting the whole time. even if youtube itself struggles with profitability, even if people like. kind of say stuff about the problem but never really do anything about it at a large scale, even if people are being redpilled, why should google care when they make more money than anyone could even comprehend? until capitalism is overthrown, there will be a shit algorithm.
blocking channels is a start, but there will always be more shitty things to block (just like how there's always blazed posts for me to block the OPs of). apps that bypass youtube accounts and privacy loss (youtube vanced and newpipe) are privacy tools first, kind of hit or miss when it comes to the algorithm. never looked into the source code of them, but, if you ask me, it's either some amalgamation of everyone's recommendations who use those apps, a "default" algorithm, or one that's kind of tailored to you as youtube slowly worms its way into identifying you by your device and ip address.
point is, dont hold your breath waiting. keep looking for tools, keep spreading the word, keep finding ways to support content you like so the artist isnt reliant on ad revenue. dont keep throwing your money at tumblr, though, they really dont need it. they really never needed it. buy yourself a nice fuckin sandwich. everybody deserves a nice sandwich.
god, i'm going to look dumb if my ask gets deleted when i block you in five seconds. you have a good night.
Soo...yeah....this was based on this post
Basically I'm sick and tired of people like Manga_Kamen, Vexed Viewer, WatermelonCube, and other people raging about how they hate something that others like, and how people are supposed to hate what they hate.
I just wanted to give people the opportunity to remove those hate videos from their search results, so that they can at least find what they're looking for, using Youtube search.
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Found myself reading Vol'jin: Shadows of the Horde today. Realized that that's it, I'm in deep, I'm reading a motherfucking WARCRAFT BOOK, so might as well...
So after a bit of searching found a private server that seemed agreeable (BFA, 1x rates available) and yep. That's it, I'm in modern WoW instead of pretending nothing beyond WotLK exists.
So far I'm loving it. Trolls look goooood here (Well, they always do. But now they look the high-polygon kind of good).
Still made the same char as my main in WotLK, though - class, color, face, hair... Even name (it wasn't taken, lucky me. Pity same was not the case for my warlock's name - gonna have to make a separate one once I can think of something)! Here he is, in all his low-level, still-basic-armor glory.
...
Okay, so, you see the beginning. And now onto the other shit. That being bugs of that specific server (lots and lots AND LOTS), opinions on stuff, and an occasional rant.
The first thing I've found was with the "the ancient enemy" quest. Vol'jin, buddy, pal, my beloved leader... Not that you don't look lovely jus' standing there, but I've read how it's supposed to go and "standing there, then giving the speech, then standing in the statue, then fucking leaving" as I slowly, sloooowly chip away at that Sea B... Err, Witch's health for 15 minutes straight is NOT it. No, the fact that the quest is considered already done while she's still very much alive does not improve things. I may be a filthy pirate, but I'm a proper player, too. I want to DO quests.
And not that I don't love your voice, but that post-quest voice line? Got it from the first time just fine. No need to repeat it until I relog.
...
Another thing is the Spirit healer of the Darkspear Isle's graveyard. Look, girl. I'm glad you're friends (or more. Not judgin') with your colleague at Sen'jin Village's graveyard, but maybe visit her when off duty? Not fun to run all the way there for a rez.
...
That next one I should have discovered earlier, but oh, well. So that moment when you talk to that troll with the raptors and get a ride to where you're supposed to fight nagas. Heh. Not that I don't appreciate an early taste of riding a flying mount, but I prefer my raptors to be running, not flying through the air sideways. Ending up dropped off where I'm supposed to rather than amidst a bunch of very much HUMAN (no tails or scales or anything) enemies would have also been nice.
...
And speaking of rides. Raider Jhash, whether you like it or not, Master Gadrin says you're supposed to give me a ride to Razor Hill. So, maybe less "you're annoying my dog", more wolf-riding? Eh? What, not even a non-working option for that? FINE, I'll walk. Asshole.
...
The shaman says that he'll tell me a story. Tells nothing. Guess I'll have to think on my own. Lucky him that I need no tale to disagree with Garrosh: never liked that guy in the first place.
...
Sorry, guys-that-maybe-drowned, can't save ya. Can't FIND ya. Because I'm supposed to use the spyglass at the top of the watchtower, but apparently the top is not the top, since it just doesn't work. Look, I tried. Not my fault.
...
Sorry, Zen'Taji, those plainstriders ain't getting saved. No self-preservation, they'd rather die than run.
...
Aww, one escort quest that has a chance to be fun, and it's not working. No caravan defence for me! I guess at this point it can be safely assumed that any "take quest, talk to the NPC for the next part" types are broken here. Pity.
...
Echeyakee, what the fuck are you doing? Are you pretending to be a druid? Are you evolving? No, seriously, what's up with that staff in your paw?
...
No Captain Longshore fo' me (because, again "talk to the NPC to continue), and no checking the caravan wreckage either (because... just because. Nothing happens.). If it wasn't my only option for BFA, I'd leave already.
...
I have found it. The shining, flawless gemstone of my bug collestion.
Behold:
You get it, yes? No? This fella here, I'm supposed to kill him. For a quest. Kill a bunch of centaurs, he appears, you kill him. And he even appeared fine!
But allied to the Horde. To Orgrimmar.
He had slain the remaining centaurs himself and I can't do shit to him because, well. I'm a troll, very much a Horde member even if the way it is now is not exactly the way I like to see it, and he's apparently on my side now. Had to abandon the quest.
...
Made a goblin since with those graphics I CAN, for once, take the gobs seriously.
Of course I've found another glitch there!
Now, the quests, so far, work fine (then again. None were of the variation that tends not to work on this server). But there's two things.
I am pretty. Fucking. Sure. That the spotlight is not supposed to be permanently attached to the car and remain where you have dismounted form it until you use the key again. Seriously, for all the love of shiny things that the goblins possess, and for all their genius with technology, I really don't think that "light shining onto a car from the skies, all the time, following it perfectly" is something they could have done. So, pretty sure it's a bug.
The PC's companions. There's that lady among them, forgot her name. Point is, there's that ONE lady among them. And then there's the quest with pirates and suddenly there are five more following me. Same name, same looks, they're all the same gob girl. Just six of her for some reason. Lasted until I summoned the car again, since there's only enough room for one of her in it.
Oh! And I've found a third thing. near the mine, when you're on the few final quests before finally heading to Durotar, the enemies are all dead. Maybe they should be dead, maybe they shouldn't be... But they sure as fuck shouldn't be sliding on the ground as if still patrolling the territory!
...
And again to my very much non-goblin main character's encounters with the many, many bugs: that quest with the boat ride? Yeeeah, that ain't happening. No option to even talk to the guy. Sorry, whoever I had to deliver the semi-precious gems to, you're not getting them because arriving to you through any other means apparently doesn't count.
...
The Valentine's Day quest (the one with the goblin detective): broken. The orc lady wants you to see the fuck her beloved is doing, but once you're done with that and come to tell of your findings? That question mark ain't yellow.
The normal, regular, quest chain where you, on the request of another orc lady, gather fel fire and talk to the warlock, and bomb the elves, and all that: broken. No imp transformation, the towers, again, aren't towers enough to use what you have to use on them, and there's no "persuading the warlock" (or, indeed, talking to him at all outside of taking the non-working quest). Yaaay.
Also, found another misplaced Spirit Healer. Don't know which graveyard she's missing from, but the one closest to that place with the satyr and the demon portals has two.
But I'm still staying. I wanna see Zandalar for myself (with a non-Zandalari char because Talanji's fine, but I'm not here for her), and that'll take actual progression because the portal doesn't work (fine. That's meant to be. Never went there. Makes sense) and the ship doesn't either (considering my previous experience of successfully traveling via ships/zeppelins to the areas I have no busyness being in yet, that one's probably not supposed to be like that)
...
Sorry, Gurtar or whatever's your name, Draaka's not getting that flower braid. It's not that i want her to forget you, you seem like a somewhat okay orc, I'd be glad to help, it's just that the bloody flowers are NOT cooperating! They're there. They're sparkling. Interactable alright. Loot window is there. Notification in the chat about receiving said loot is there. All fine and dandy... Except for that part where they should appear in my inventory.
...
Non-bug talk again. Ranting about stuff instead. Warcraft makes me feel saaaad. On the BfA server, aside from all the bugs, I'm sad because the Horde is not MY Horde, and I only see Vol'jin alive because I'm early in the story, and I'll have to go through THAT to get to Zandalar, so sadness is unavoidable. And on my usual, fine and non-buggy (aside from pets sometimes running in place when the owner stops. Annoying when fishing. Just tap-tap-tap in the background) WotLK one I'm sad because... Well. I'm a VERY TROLL player. Sure, I got some undead. But other than that? Very Troll. Love 'em. Love my trolls, love NPC trolls. So Sen'jin Village being just that tiny thing, and the state of Echo Isles at that point of the story? Sad. Master Gadrin not having unique voice lines there yet? Sad (after hearing him in BfA I maybe got a bit obsessed? Maaaybe? I have maybe visited the Village SPECIFICALLY to click him repeatedly, like, five times already? He. Just. Sounds. So. Nice. I wanna hug him. Or draw him, which with my shit skills is not, in fact, any more possible than hugging him). Hell. Vol'jin, looking non-unique, like just another troll, young and alive and not dying any time soon? Well, now I know it won't last. So I see him like that and I'm sad because I know what's coming.
So to put it in fewer words, Playing Warcraft makes me sad, not playing Warcraft would also make me sad. It's just sadness all around.
...
But to lighten things up a tad: summoning a rat (battle pet) creates a rat (WILD, capturable battle pet). Rats function fine other than that. have it in your party, it does its thing fine. It's just trying to summon it to follow you that's bugged. Just endless wild rats. If I were less of as-lawful-as-you-can-be-while-still-pirating-shit kinda dude, I'd probably try to see how many I can make happen.
...
Still at it, because even despite all the bugs (and having a char on a perfectly working, bug-free so far, pain-free due to the timeline, MoP server) I keep having that MIGHTY NEED! Of getting to Zandalar, and dying there, and being laughed at by Bwonsamdi. And all that.
So! O miracle of miracles! A quest that requires gathering something, making something else out of it and using it on an interactable object WORKED! And another one, that required using a thing in a specific place worked, too. Pretty sure there were supposed to be visual effects of some kind, but I'll take what I can.
Too bad Blastranaar doesn't work. Because, again. It's a "talk to the NPC to proceed". Those are fucking broken here. Killing the targets manually might be possible, but likely won't count, seeing how a similar quest went when I tried it (it didn't).
...
Guys. I don't think that's how you're supposed to ride. I'm no expert, but generally the rider tends to go on top of the mount.
...
Sorry, dude, those mines are staying disarmed. They just refuse to cooperate.
...
Also, a few more things to say: 1. That bear dude (furbolg? I think they're called furbolgs) you should kill for his totem. Hoo, buy! For starters, the flag-placing counts as done as soon, as you take the quest. And all those guys you have to survive? They're already on the hill. All of them.
The bear leader himself is, too. Well, not on the hill, but near it. And once you kill him, there, of course, is the totem! That you can't pick up. Quest unfinishable!
Earlier, when you take a quest from the orc lady, a shaman I suppose, to meet some person from the Earthen Ring. Person in question is not there. The question mark is alright, but not the dude/dudette it belongs to. Quest unfinishable!
Also, pet battles. A lot of things you'll find are DEAD. As in, it's a species-wide thing, not individual critters slain by something. You want a coral snake? Lol, nope, they're all dead from the very start. Can't fight 'em, can't capture 'em. Cheetah cub? Dead. Creepy crawly? Just get a dung beetle and pretend that that's what you wanted. Gazelle fawn? Yep, sliding on the ground while dead as a fucking doornail.
Oooh, and when you have to kill That guy, Keeper whatever-his-name, started with O. The deer dude.
First of all, before you get to him. There are some orcs nearby, and some are friendly alright, as they should be. Others, though... Guys! Guuuuys! I'm a troll! Like, part of the Horde? Like you? I get it that our species are not on the best terms right now (through no fault of ours), but do you really have to attack me? Well, if anyone asks, it was self-defence.
And secondly. The Keeper himself. I understand he is supposed to be inside one of the tree-tower's rooms. Well, he ain't there!
He and his deertaur buddies decided "eh, deer, goat, both have cloven hooves, they're basically the same thing" and climbed onto. The. Fucking. Roof.
Killing him required abusing my pet's ability to phase through the walls in pursuit of prey (and he probably shouldn't be able to do that. Dude is a normal, living raptor, not a vengeful ghost of one! Though that'd be SICK) and some switching between passive/defensive mode of said pet as well as a bit of maneuvering on my part.
Definitely not how it's supposed to go.
...
A fresh bunch of bugs! And a bit more:
The cannon that I'm supposed to shoot gnome planes with doesn't work, the balloon doesn't work either (but hey! At least the ride counts as taken, so I can just arrive to the goal through other means and finish the quest!), the bomb in the spy quest is usable, but useless due to spies not being stealthed in the first place, I'm pretty sure that falling rocks are supposed to be visible, not just mysterious death outta nowhere, those warmachines don't work either, that's another quest un-doable.
Also, not bug, but daaamn! Three (three!) last places I've been to while on quests had no vendors. Guess I'll have to go elsewhere to free up some bag space. Maybe Orgrimmar - so that I can check if profession trainers got anything new and exciting for me. And maybe gonna go visit Sen'jin Village too, while I'm at it. Not for any real purpose, just to click Master Gadrin a few times. Sure, I can just listen to his voice on Wowhead, but where's the fun in that?
...
For once, glad a quest didn't work. "To be Horde" sounds like something I very much don't want to actually go through, accept-reject-go for the next that probably shouldn't be available without it, but is is juuust fine by me.
And yea, went to Orgrimmar to sell some stuff and learn some recipes, got some fresh armor (sure, I get plenty for the quests... Problem is, I like challenge, and quest ones often turn purple, while before finishing I was promised green/blue. Purple is a bit too strong for my tastes, so I mostly use what I make myself instead).
And visited Sen'jin Village. Even without actually doing that damn quest, I was still in need of lightening the mood a bit, so pestering Master Gadrin was a must.
...
Another thing:
This.
See how the pridemanes sparkle? That's because they're skinnable. But no, they didn't "die weird", ending up standing as if still alive. They ARE alive. And skinnable (or show as such. I'm not a rogue, if that raptor by my side wasn't a clue enough. I can't sneak close enough to try). They aren't the only ones, there's also wolves like that, and that one giant fish.
...
Stiiill at it. Changing of... Forgot his name. Doesn't matter. That orc Warlord in Desolation Hold. Point is, ya go to the top of the tower, because he asks you to go with him, thinking you'll help him. But you kill him.
And oh, you can kill him alright. That part works. And counts for the quest!
But the tower, as usual, is not tower enough. So killing counts, going doesn't, quest half-done and unfinishable.
But on the positive side, that quest where you blow up siege engines that look like firepowder stuffed in greasy socks? It works THE BEST! The siege engines actually fall to pieces, and there's "BOOM!" and you can't just blow up the same one over and over like you could with the tent-incinerating quest!
The sparks stay after the siege engine is gone, the ones that indicate that something can be interacted with, but it's a minor thing.
...
Silithid mounds are either not Silithid enough, or not mounds enough. What I'm saying is, I can't pour pitch on them, so I can't do the quest. Fortunately, ones running freely near Fort Triumph count just fine.
Griffins are where they're supposed to be (though they spend a lot of time standing in the sky, rather than flying), and the hook works! But there is just tiiiny little problem:
That quest requires me to kill the RIDERS.
Griffins are on their own. Unmounted. Owners nowhere to be seen. Can't do that quest, either.
So that's ALL quests in that zone undoable (at all or in the intended way). At least the silithid quest gave me my next target, so I guess in a way that was the one most important. And it means I don't have to go to Desolace yet! I have a quest for that but not really looking forvard to it. Visited it briefly on the WotLK server. I know pre- and post- Cataclysm things may be quite different, but I really don't think it became any more enjoyable.
...
!
Found a working quest! A line!
And it's a good one so far. Doesn't hurt. Just helping a guy make his dream come true. Sure, the guy is undead. And the "dream" in question is to build an abomination. But still. He's eager! He has a sense of humor! He, so far, haven't asked me to kill allies!
I mean, look at this! How can I walk past him and not help? I can't!
...
Mankrik stands, surrounded by Quillboars. The quillboars are mere animated models, just walking around, nameless, levelless, untargetable. He asks me to kill 13 Quillboars. Were I to count ones around him, the number would likely match. There are proper ones nearby, quest-marked, so I can do it. Still, a strange sight.
...
Sooo, Desolace! And that dead elf, Furien. The fact that I had to ride my very much terrestrial little raptor instead of taking Furien's Dragonhawk and flying to his sister because, as always, that kinda thing is broken? No big deal. Used to it. Expected it.
Furien's Footsteps (where you ALSO have to go on your own, because any sort of "tell the flight master, and they'll get you there" doesn't work either. You can use their services, but you can't talk to them) is where the fun REALLY starts! And ends.
Because you can't do it. Going to the places where you're supposed to go doesn't count. Doing the quests? Well, it counts for the quests themselves, but as far as Furien's Footsteps are concerned, those shrines, and statues and whatnot are still very much unvisited.
Quest undoable! I just hope it wasn't supposed to be a long line spanning the whole location and kicking me to the next with its last quest. That'd be awkward.
...
!
"The Emerging Threat" worked!
And yes, it's a big deal. It's a "speak to the NPC for the quest-important thing to happen", and until now I thought ALL of those were broken on Firestorm's BfA servers.
Sure, it didn't work from the first try.
And it didn't work well:
Two of Korrah's mounts, one for me to ride, green-named, other - yellow, just following partially clipped through "mine", both running in the air instead of flying...
Took a long time to scout those nagas like that!
But still. I was placed onto a mount, even if only on a second try, I did a circle above the naga-infested areas, I was returned to the starting point. And it counted for the quest.
That's unusual and also wonderful.
...
Guess there's no "lifting of the tired soul" for me: mounds of fertile soil aren't themselves enough to plant the Cenarion seeds.
Also, breaking the Magram spirit or whatever? Ain't happening either: the spear is already there (and wandering around), the centaurs are already there, and no matter how many I kill, it doesn't count for the quest (also, the Magram chieftain is also already there)
...
Ended up going to Feralas on my own, because there are no more quests in Desolace.
As in, ones I can do: Smeed is not interactable, so I can't give him the harnesses.
Furien's Footsteps, as I've mentioned before, can't be done because the quests at the shrines can't.
Planting seeds and dealing with the centaurs - nope, not workin'
And that one where you're supposed to take control of a demon... You get the "channeling" you get the effect, but you do NOT get the demon. he is still very much loyal to his master and won't tolerate an attack on him.
And there's nothing else. Probably supposed to be, but nope. Nada. Nothing.
So I'm walking into Feralas blind, gonna have to piece together what's up with everything there without having a starting point.
...
Decided that nothing will cheer me up better (and after losing all but three chapters of a fic I liked re-reading I did need cheering up) than being mocked by Bwonsamdi for dying.
So I went into the game with my untouched, made-him-and-left-him Zandalari priest.
Died.
No Bwonsamdi.
Ran all the way to Nazmir.
And, okay. He's there. Found him in two spots plus (obviously) in Necropolis.
Got mocked, feeling better now.
As for bugs - pretty sure he's not supposed to be carrying fishing rod EVERYWHERE. I mean, I appreciate the thing being made of bones. Great style!
But, Bwonsamdi, dear, sure you need it even when away from water? Whatcha fishin' for in necropolis?
...
Back to my main character and back to Feralas. An amazing-sounding quest about shrinking giants and, naturally, it doesn't fucking work. Pity.
Also, still not sure what's the deal with the Dragon-lady. According to her I have apparently dealt with some problem. but I didn't. Either it was a continuation of Furien's questline and therefore inaccessible, or it's just straight up missing.
...
Hmm. A variation on the trouble with wingrider masters: the option to talk to her is there, but clicking of it (or on the normal flight option) does nothing.
#screenshots#world of warcraft#*annoyed ghoul noises*#*sad ghoul noises*#ghoul's adventures in piracy
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The more I thought about your latest write-up, the more curious I became about the mechanics behind the Prophet encounter. It sounds REALLY NEAT! Can you tell us more about its stats and/or how you ran it?
So I'm gonna be 100% honest, haha, and say that it was actually a reskin of a CR 26 monster (scaled down slightly) taken from a third party book I use called Tome of Titans. Honestly, I've had to lean a lot on 2CGaming's stuff because they're one of the few D&D publishing houses that 1) makes tier 3-4 content, 2) does incredibly fun stuff with encounter design and the design of 5e in general, and 3) goes extremely in-depth with their monsters, even giving you guidelines on how to run "easier" and "harder" variants of the same encounter (without changing the stats).
Would also strongly recommend their two bestiaries, Total Party Kill volumes 1 and 2. Just... dear god, read the warning at the front, you'll kill your party if you throw these monsters against them like you do vanilla baseline D&D monsters.
Anyway, the name of the original monster is Etteilla (pg 65). In the book, she's a supreme diviner -- a goddess of prophecy, which is why she's tarot-themed. I reskinned her in my game so that she was comprised of the seers of dusk elves past (Kjosev's mom is among them).
Mechanically, while you don't NEED a tarot deck, she operates off of the draws from the minor arcana (the book gives you a 'mythic' variant designed for level 20+ characters that also utilizes major). You can substitute this for a dice roll instead. Generally speaking, she has five types of actions she can do on her turn:
Attack with SWORDS
Create a barrier with PENTACLES
Heal with CUPS
Manipulate or copy a spell effect with WANDS.
throw cards lol
At the start of her turn, you draw a card from the tarot. That card is considered the trump card for her entire round. Whatever card drawn empowers the actions she can take.
For instance, if the card drawn at the start of her turn is, say, a three of swords, that means all of her damage from her swords attack is doubled. If the card drawn is a page of pentacles, then the barrier becomes essentially 150 temp hp for herself. When she does her card throw, you draw 5 cards, and refer to a chart that tells you how much damage each of them deal. If any of them are in the suite of the trump card, they deal double damage.
(And yes, the turn where she dealt 383 damage in one round was when her swords was empowered).
The reason I drew her with cards in front of her face was so that my players would have a visual indicator of what the trump card was that turn, and could prepare for it accordingly.
If you do pick up the book and decide to run this fight, I would actually recommend adjusting her multiattack to say "Etteilla makes two attacks or makes one attack and takes one other action." Her swords baseline deals 64 (10d10+9) slashing damage per hit. When empowered, it's 119 (20d10+9) damage, and while granted, she is a CR26 encounter... if your players are not super optimized or have resistance to slashing damage it will fuck them lol. Kelogul got crit at the start of the encounter and took 183 damage from her attacks that round. He's a paladin with the toughness feat with 224 hp. I should have readjusted her abilities a touch at first but I missed it. Still, they beat it, at least!
#palidoozy rambles#d&d#2cgaming#the only reason I'm not straight-up posting the monster block is because i strongly encourage supporting the authors#there's probably... ways you can find it online#which if you want to preview it#you can#but they write some REALLY GOOD SHIT#probably my favorite third party authors for D&D
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Thoughts: The Innkeeper
Ahhhhh here we go, part 3 of 3. I'll do the new episodes next week once I've had time to digest. Ugh, I can't believe I have to wait until I get home from work tomorrow to watch, what the actual fuck? Anyway!
That little lick of flame to open is kind of elegant, I like it
"Soul Reaper" makes me laugh because I can just imagine that guy being like, "Yeah, I'm a reaper of souls but also...I've got soul" and it's doubly terrible.
Just watching Zheng in action and thinking about "Every pirate captain captains pirates differently"
I really love Stede's crew lined up and watching as they approach the Revenge, I think they all look suitably shellshocked and I think they're all at least a little bit thinking of it like Jim was when they were talking to Archie, a place where their lives meant something
Stede scaling the side of the ship, not wasting a thought on something as trivial as a rope ladder
One moment to survey the devastation and then back to action
"Guys, hi!" Like there's nothing amiss about the scene he just walked in on. Never change.
"I thought you'd be taller" is such a great callback
"He retired" belongs in the Treacherous Liars Hall of Fame. And "If you don't want to work anymore, you can just give up, I guess," is another early favorite for best line delivery of the Season
Love Zheng's face when she says "Leather. And B.O."
When I watched the trailer and I saw the bits that had this blue saturation to them I called a dream/vision situation and I guess I wasn't far off. Everything about the way this is shot is gorgeous.
My sis: "Why is there a pig?" I think since it's a dream (-ish) it's one of those things where the brain just tries to plug in something, I don't think Ruthie has any real significance but I would love to hear thoughts if anyone has any. It did remind me a little of the bit in "Cold Mountain" where Inman meets the goat woman who cares for him for a time. Like, some mysterious hermits have goats, some have pigs. *shrug*
I think i want to start a band and call it the Coolin' Bevvies
Better name for a band than Shit Tits, anyway
Jim and Olu forever, even if not as a capital-c Couple, even if only as best friends they tell stuff to
The way Con's voice trembles when says "I dared to mention your fuckin' name" - masterful
Stede seems to be realizing that for everything he's coming to understand about Ed and about pirating there's still a whole world of stuff he needs to learn.
Okay, dumb question, is Ed's shirt black or is it purple? Or is it legit changing from shot to shot? Or is it just the...the filter or whatever they used here? (Sorry, I don't know the lingo) whatever, I love it, sometimes his hair even has a purple cast to it, so cool.
Aw, Stede, listen to you, talking it through
When Ed starts flashing back in reaction to Hornigold going at him and there's that one tiny burst of Izzy laughing at him - oh god, that's such a gut punch
Gravy Basket would also be a great name for a band
In all seriousness, Taika is so good in this whole scene
I really like Olu defining a friend as "someone I'd like to see grow old"
Lol every time at "This one has a smell" because yes, chamomile has a smell and it is weird
"I never said that"/"You say that all the time" - another hilarious callback/inversion
Between multiple viewings of both this episode and the trailer, I've seen this bit with Black Pete and the crossbow probably dozens of times and I still laugh out loud every time
Madeleine Sami is gorgeous, just sayin'
I think...Izzy's trying. That's all I'm gonna say for right now. I think he's trying.
"I hate you. I've always hated your guts." Oh, all my insides clenched. Oh Ed.
And then...and then. I don't even know where to start about this whole sequence. I loved it the first time I watched it, and I sobbed (always a good indicator in my book, I think Stede saying "I messed all of this up" is what really touches me off) and I think I've loved it more every time I've watched it. It's beautiful and perfect and sweet and just the right amount of dramatic and just the right amount of...silly, which doesn't mean I'm selling it short or diminishing it in any way, I mean silly in the best possible way. And the way they smile at each other when they're finally face to face? And the way Ed leans in? That's it, going to watch again....
I was too young (and too American, probably) to have really gotten into Kate Bush in her heyday, I knew "Running Up that Hill," and her album "The Red Shoes" got played a little on the radio around here when it was out, but I honestly don't think I knew "This Woman's Work" until recently. I now love it just by virtue of it being so perfect in this scene. The ethereal-ness of it and the way it builds with the action, or the action builds with the song - I can't think of something that would have been better.
The way Stede kind of steels himself before taking the towel off Ed's face
And the way Ed's fingers immediately close around Stede's
If I'm that far in my feels after 3 episodes what is the rest of the season going to do to me??
Thanks for reading, if you're still here! Everybody enjoy episodes 4 and 5!
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I just finished the Scarlet & Violet DLC The Teal Mask (scarlet) and I think this is one of the dumbest stories we've ever had in a while. And I don't mean the Ogrepon and the Loyal/Toxic Three Legend, but more so Carmine and Kieran are just fucking dumb as fuck and got on my last ever ending nerves and playing messenger as a part of the game was really annoying to deal with.
Carmine's tsundere attitude got on my last God damn nerves and as someone who had to grow up around unstable mental health like that was not cute to witness her straight up bullying and threatening to hurt her little brother and everyone else like that. Like where are your parents and what is the deal with ur home life babe cuz your eggshell attitude is toxic as fuck. And also like bitch you think ur all that and a bag of chips but you're literally dog shit compared to Penny, Arven, and even Nemona had better depth and development than Carmine could ever dream. And you rollin with a Champion Level Bitch aka ME. So you can keep talking smack about ~oUtSiDeRs~ but you need to put some RESPECT on Paldea's name cuz u keep making a fool of urself and I'm embarrassed for you at this point.
Kieran on the other hand, is one of the most 2 dimensional Eren Jaeger ass wannabe characters we've seen in a while and when I say Eren Jaeger I mean in the concept that Eren had one objective on his mind the whole damn time and that never changed until he knew the truth and then it became genocide. And all Kieran talks about is Ogrepon this Ogrepon that until he hears the truth and then suddenly he's turning on us??? Like WHY IS HE TURNING INTO A VILLIAN JUST BECAUSE WE DIDNT TELL HIM A FUCKING BED TIME STORY LIKE HUH??? Bitch YOU STOOD THERE AND HEARD UR POP-POP SAY WHY WE COULDNT TELL U THE TRUTH U DUMB FUCKING BABY... cuz you was gonna run head first and TELL EVERYONE AND GET URSELF IN TROUBLE you fucking IDIOT... and what does he do??? HE TELLS EVERYONE.
Idk they just piss me off so bad. Like yeah it works out in the end but my God these two siblings are horrible and the worst part is that they're actually kinda charming by the end of it all and that just PISSES ME OFF EVEN MORE!!! Carmine actually takes us seriously and starts acting like a big sister would and Kieran actually takes on a big responsibility all by himself in order to grow and challenge himself to keep up with us. LIKE FUCK OFF CUZ YALL STILL ANNOYING AS FUCK AND I HATE THAT WE'RE EVEN STILL HERE WITH U ASSHOLES. this has been the most absolute mediocre ass school vacation of my entire life but hey at least I got an OgrePON PON WEI WEI WEI PON PON WEI PON WEI PON PON reference in a few times so~
Another thing I'm not really satisfied with is just how much the festival took a back seat to everything else going on. Like I LOVE the forced linearity of going through the day searching for signposts and Ogrepon lore. But why didn't they force us back to the festival square each night for a different event each time???? THAT WOULD HAVE MADE IT SO MUCH BETTER, THATS WHAT I WAS EXPECTING TBH. Like Ogre Ousting is fun and all but what about a live performance at the playhouse? And maybe a parade float down Revelers Road? FOR A STORY THAT FOCUSES ON A FESTIVAL THE ACTUAL FESTIVAL SURE DID PLAY A MINIMAL ROLE IN THE STORY.
AND WHY IS THERE NO FLY POINT TO THE FKN OGRE NEST LIKE FUCK OFF I HATE SCALING THIS MOUNTAIN EVERY TIME I NEED TO GET UP THERE
Overall I'm actually enjoying it despite the yelling lmao
I do have to wonder why they keep showing that .. mole? Thing on Kieran's neck... is it just a mole? Or is it something toxic.. has he been controlled? Are we looking at another Lusamine and Nihilego toxin situation?? Tbh I doubt it bc there's no other outward signs Kieran is being "possessed'... like his eyes aren't different colors and theres nothing else visible about him to suggest it. But goddamn they keep showing that mole and I'm like... okay... cool mole bro.... wtf lmao
Also Briar is a Pokemon in human form from Area Zero just like Geeta is. Their true significance will be shown in The Indigo Disk.
#pokemon#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon gen 9#pokemon scarvi#scarvio#scarlet#violet#the teal mask#ogrepon
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Rescue mission but it's weird
A dark night. It was cold that night. In a brightly lit gas station off the side of the highway, a figure slid past the doors and into the aisles of off brand snacks, dark green snake tail trailing behind her. She stood out here, with her long beaded box braids and mahogany brown skin. Lucia went up to the counter, where a pimplely man a bit older than her, maybe 27, sat smoking a cigarette. She leaned in.
"Do you have any… housepets?" The man barely looked up at her as he gestured at a door behind the counter and put on his headphones. Good. Lucia didn't need anyone see what she was about to do. She pushed past the creaky plastic gate and into the back room.
It was worse than she ever could have thought.
Borrowers littered the walls on shelves, some on the floor, with about one borrower to a cage. The cages were for hamsters and had food, water and a hamster wheel, is if to add insult to injury. The borrowers were already kidnapped and in horrible conditions, and the only thing they get is a stupid toy for a stupid animal. Lucia retched. It was too much. She grabbed a small trashcan. She needed and empty stomach for what was coming next.
There were about ten cages. Ten people Lucia would save. Ten lives at stake. She approached the first cage slowly. A teen boy was sleeping, aware of her presence. She scooped him up and slipped him into her mouth. She moved for the next cage. Once the others saw what she had done to the boy, they weren't so compliant. The next borrowers screamed curses at her, threw whatever they could, and tried to leap away, only to be pulled back by their mouse like tails. Soon there was one cage left. One girl, with fiery red hair and sun tanned skin glaring at Lucia with an icy stare.
"Get it over with."
Lucia blinked
"W-what?"
The girl exploded.
"You heard me scales! Get it over with! Eat me already! Just stop toying with me."
Shit. Lucia was a fucking idiot.
She forgot to tell them they were safe.
She panicked.
"What's your name?" She blurted. The borrower looked suspicious of her.
"Maple…"
"Um, I'm Lucia, I didn't mean to scare you or anything, I just want to… help you out? Sorry."
Maple stared at her for a moment, the burst into laughter.
"You just ate all my friends! How could that help?"
"I'm gonna let you out when we get out of the store, but please we have to go"
Truth was, all of Maple's friends were messing up her stomach, so she needed to get them out of her soon. Lucia offered her hand palm up to Maple. Maple stared again, then sighed and climbed onto Lucia's hand. Lucia placed the smaller girl into her maw, then carefully swallowed. She strutted out of the back room, not making eye contact with the man at the counter. She hurried out to her car, then shot off as fast as she could. The drive home seemed shorter when her stomach wasn't being stretched thin by a bunch of stressed out borrowers. Maple must have told them something to calm them down, because her "passengers" had stopped biting and fighting. Mostly.
Lucia arrived at home, and rushed to the kitchen sink. It was easy to pull them back up, since she was filled to capacity with borrowers already. She got them out, one by one, explaining that they were safe, giving them real food and a hand towel to dry off with, before letting the next borrower out. It took a while, about 45 minutes. Lucia noticed that they were all younger than her, the eldest being Maple herself and the youngest being about sixteen. Maple came up last, and was greeted by Lucia's shining smile.
"You're all safe! I- it really worked!"
Maple looked up at her, trying her best to be stoic, but cracked a small smirk. "Yeah, it actually worked. I was sure I was going to be snake food, but nope, we're fine. Thanks, I guess. We'll be moving out now."
"You dont have to!"
"Huh?"
"You could stay here… I live alone, a-and it'll be safe!"
Maple looked up at Lucia, blinking in confusion.
"Sure."
"Great!"
Yeah… see ya around then Snakie"
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