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docilepillow · 2 months

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March Media Diary Thing 2024

This one's a weirdo! I'm typing this first paragraph after the fact, because it's the 30th instead of the exact end of the month like i wanted to post it . This post's a two-phaser, just because the way i typed this one out was in a " Live thoughts as fresh as i got them on the day i did stuff " kind of format. I didn't realize that there'd be so many more embeds then in febuary and january, but i guess it's just that kind of thing where you end up doing alot or doing the same but having more to say on it because its Now and not Before? I guess? I dunno. Everything below this space was gonna be from the start of the month , approaching towards the end. Okay, see you at the end of the second media diary post, now ! I'm gonna mix up this one and like unlike the last two i'm gonna try and write to this as i finish stuff instead of leaving it all until the end of the month, i think. im wondering if it'll make my thoughts more consise or not, but honestly, i have no idea! the main thing i think that gets lost out from this is the fact that i'll probably have less personal anecdotes about the month itself. Ohhhh.... MIGHTY SWITCH FORCE! < Silliest 3DS Home Screen Jingle >

i'm not giving this one a docism as a title just because it's kind of embarrasing to make too much more focal then it is, but the game's visual design and the way it flaunts itself does kind of make it a little distracting, but, i guess, more then anything else i've played from wayforward. um

i dont think its nessisarily a bad game or anything its perfectly alright. its like a little short for the price it retailed at on 3ds at least but its like. mediocre good i think . its not like bad or anything. its mostly just a game that sells itself with cute girls. which is fine i guess. like the game design Holds but the games focus is kinda scattershot, but whatever. it doesnt overstay its welcome or anything. the design's sound its just kind of okay all around NO MORE HEROES 2 - DESPERATE STRUGGLE < voice clip game of all time >

unintentional misogyny theming in this media diary oh no

coincidentally as i was playing i learned that the day i chose to start this game came out 3 years after the first game, which, coincidentally , lines up with the game's actual in-universe timeline iif my opinions on this game lines up itll be like, (9) years until i play the next one thats for sure

ok so my story with this series is that i played the first game accidentally completely handicapping my own experience with it because i didnt know you could upgrade your stuff in it and thus made everyone in the ggame into a big dumb hp sponge that wasnt enjoyable to figght and despite my best efforts to try and like this game more ( And, i will say, despite the very prevalent appeals to the male gaze, it CAN be charming ! ) i also took entirely way too long to learn about switching weapons worked functionally, just because despite SEEING the tutorial prompt for weapon switching, i didnt put it together because it takes a bit longer to activate then you'd expect, and thus, never used it. Oops! but yea this game mostly just stands on its own crass nature and in that respect its both very self aware and self indulgent. if you like that kind of vibe youll enjoy the game and its style or be mostly indifferent/uncomfortable with it . Shrug! shinobu is pretty cool. u get to play her after the events of the first game and its neat.

one thing i like about this games like direction is that its very well established that nobody in this game is a good person like even remotely and in that aspect it does get to explore cool stuff i can appreciate. i like that much. i tthink my favorite boss conceptually is the big robot you fight at one point in the battle royale segment. but id mostly consider this game as kind of a gimmick. i can see elements in there that'd make it a classic to a certain brained kind of person, but it doesnt appeal to me. i did wanna try and i did get at least to the very end until the final boss, at least. people say thats one of the worst final bosses in video games period and i gotta say they didnt lie shit doesnt really work

i got endeared by this sign , so i took a screenshot of it . i also like the crickets in the bug minigame.

pretty good though the games just kind of middle of the road for me overall. i didnt hate it enough to not completely finish it and as of typing this and as is its only 3/9 , so i might still truck through the final battle of this game, but, i wont really guarentee or force myself after 3 hours straight of it ----- ok nevermind literally the next day first thing when i woke up i first tried the guy lol games charming its just very peculiar

get fucked idiot SUPER MARIO BROS DELUXE

I technically started this last month but this is the month where i actually sat down and finished it just because MAR 10 ran around so like. might as well fish out some random mario sidescroller to play next also. its short and ive heard some ssay its like definitive mario 1 but the way mario's speed + the screen crunch make it kinda sloppy in a way. limitations of a gameboy color i know but i guess as a standalone way of playing mario 1 its not like. the worst in the world . ive never actually finished mario 1 before on my own so this is a new experience for me !

if you think the 3ds being retro in the modern day is extra fucked up, consider the fact that this version of mario 1 came out 14 years after the original....!!!! if you think the ds being retro in the modern day is extra fucked up, consider the fact that this version of mario 1 came out 14 years after the original....!!!!

Dōbutsu no Mori ( The Animal Crossing Anime Movie ) < Ough-est main character >

Watched this one again for the second time in a discord movie night! A very sweet and nice little movie with very very very cute characterrs. i see the able sisters on the screen and i clap

whats wrong with her

shes like a frog anyway the movies cute and theres aliens at the end. id describe it as a very loving adaptation of an animal crossing player's imagined version of events going on in an animal crossing gamecube-era town. though the biggest thing of all that endears me is AI i think theyre so silly looking

Pictured : Another Silly Subject KERO BLASTER

another game ive played many times before, but, considering my recent cave story fix, i felt drawn to playing it again. i still think its a cute and extremely solid sidescroller game..aaaa ithink everyone should give it a try if thats ur kind of game. also theres lots of very good video game enemies in this

very simple but effective art direction theres like a very nice feeling of atmosphere to it ( cool game ) idk what else to say ive playedd this game like five times before and this is a media diary for documenting new feelings and thoughts and not for like full on game reviews, i think. < Mid-Month Side Note >

i still havent completed this game's story mode to this day, but, recently, cus' the efforts of the team 0% team ( group of crazy freaks with the sole goal of making sure every mario maker 1 / 2 level gets cleared ) ive been driven to try and finish my super world recently. i might feel like showing off the levels ive made at the end of the week,as well, but it's honestly really satisfying, even if i know that the userbase for this game's comparitively shrunk since launch. idk! its fun to make mario levels. i think its satisfying and ill do it even if nobody plays them. also apparently i forgot to turn off my nso subscription so thats why im extra driven to upload lots of levels while i have it. I still hate how NSO is a paid service attached to online. it just kind of paywalls large swaths of games that don't need it and it's just dumb, evil, corporate greed. Ugh! That's the price of gaming in the modern era, i guess....

PETAL CRASH < Thank you, Bison...! >

game i've only played very recently, and arguably, doesnt fall under regular completion criteria, as it's mostly meant to be played on a whim in short bursts ( it does have a short story mode, though, plus a bunch of challenges i haven't played yet..! ) ( I might not be smart enough, for those... ) , but that doesnt really matter! This game is absurdly , amazingly, adorably adorable! !! !

Look at these things!

Ouuu!

Fairy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aside from having an adorable fairy character that appeals to every aestetic i love, its also a decently digestable GBC styled puzzle game ! thats really fun!! and ive been playing it on steam deck, where, i think, it really shines!! the character design in it is really good!

i've yet to master it , as it's pretty fast paced, but its essentially a match game that bumps stuff togetheer good with cute characters like puyo. i havent interacted with that series before but i have played kirbys avalanche and star stacker and this is pretty fun like those. if you like those games you'll like this.

Thanks to my BF for buying this game for me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Record of Lodoss War: Deedlit in Wonder Labyrinth < most symphony of the night award >

the docism is kind of demeaning but this game is really solid i finished it just now in 6 hours ( 3/21 ) ( Wait, those numbers add up to 6! wow! ) i think this games strongest suit is how drop dead gorgeous the sprite art is . like . holy shit there are giant gorgeously animated ps1 quality era crisp pixel perfect sprites just everywhere

the picture quality google images gave me doesnt do it justice but there are just like these fantastically rendered fantasy sprites wherever you wanna look for it and it just reminds me how awesome the ladybug developer team is. i think in terms of indie studios ive gotten attached to this is definitely like a dev i eagerly cant wait to see what they do next in the metroidvania sphere. like. considering the source material the actual designs dont stray too far from like what " conventional " fantasy looks like,( A little basic ) , they still kept my attention just from the number of moving parts and shit. and like. mechanically this game is actually pretty neat. they make you juggle a whole lot of projectiles on screen, but it becomes pretty managable when you learn how the two-prong element system works to be pretty engaging ( It reminds me alot of cave story's weapon system, actually! ) ( really cool! ) https://clan.cloudflare.steamstatic.com/images//36872249/d5f18e9ecfb93d0547f6ccf894cd2e0bab2d12c1.gif WHAT???? tumblr posts have a 20 image limit! What! i didnt know about this! i think websites should let u post as many cool images as you want. i should make a neocities for these at some point if i keep doing them...... regardless i think this game is awesome even if the story is kind of like throwaway ( saying this as someone who hasnt engaged with the source material yet, which there apparently is, so maybe thats not a fair thought. on the games steam community page though i saw a gif of the main character in an anime adaption wiggle her ears around with a silly face, so maybe it'd appeal to me if i look into it? Huh. ----- PART TWO WILL BE POSTED SOME TIME IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS FROM THE EMBEDDING ISSUE -------------------

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lafflanes · 1 year

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on and off over the past 2 weeks ive been working on putting together a list of my favorite quotes/anecdotes from the 20 Years of Toontown panel because theres so many funny and memorable ones! ill split this post up into a few parts since theres lots of stuff

these quotes are from Jesse's story about the origins of Toontown Online and how it got started!

"one of the, you know, hard realities of the Walt Disney company is, if youre on a team that doesnt have anything to do, you might have a problem, you know, you may not have a job in a few months"

"right, the Hall of Presidents mmo, i dont even remember how that one worked"

"... he said 'no, you know the problem is, your team is, youre like a bunch of PANDAS, all youll eat is bamboo, and youre gonna DIE, because all you eat is bamboo. you need to be more like RATS, rats eat anything, so you need to be less like pandas and more like RATS, so you think about that'

and we're like 'okay we'll think about it' so it inspired us to make our new engine and call it the Panda3d engine. and of course we needed a file format for it so we called it 'bamboo', so you feed bamboo into the panda engine and thats what made it go"

"... and then once we got it to a certain point, we took it over to Feature Animation and said 'we need to get your buy-in, we're gonna do this Atlantis mmo'. and they were like 'ugh, we dont want you to be doing this. youre going to ruin our movie by making a game, its gonna make people think that this is for KIDS. we dont want games in this so no, youre FORBIDDEN, you cant make it'

and we're like 'oh, oh well, alright. well lets go find something that nobody really cares about' and we DID, it was Toontown Online"

"this picture is actually from one of the decks, what we did is we took this poster ... and we just put the 'online' part under it. and so talking about the inspirations for Toontown in the beginning, we were like 'Toontown Online, it makes a lotta sense, of course!'"

"when you look at this initial picture ... one of the things youll notice about the cog on the left is, that cog is not a cog, that is not a robot, thats just a person. and originally, the cogs werent cogs, they were just people, and we called them the suits, and that was the concept, the toons vs the suits

and that ended one day when we had a visit from, uh oh, Roy Disney Jr! come to the studio hes like 'hey remember that Toon Tag, that was pretty great, what are you doing now?' and we're like 'CHECK IT OUTTTT ITS TOONTOWNNNN, its all about the toons vs the suits', and all that. and hes kinda like 'huh, okay, interesting, i guess' and we're like 'okay, well that was a little weird' it wasnt the warmest meeting we ever had

and the next day, our Vice President comes in very PERTURBED, and says we have a memo here, from Roy Disney Jr who says 'this game can never ship. Toontown can never ship, because it is DISRESPECTFUL to the people who made this company great', and we all like smacked ourselves in the head and realized 'oh my god' ... and here we are with this game saying business people are the evil enemy. and so, our Vice President is like 'DEAL WITH THIS. youre going to have to do something, i dont know what youre going to do but do SOMETHING'

and we're like 'oh my god, well we cant, what are we going to do, we cant take them outta the game' ... we started brainstorming, what if its something else, what if its aliens are the enemy, thats corny, what if its robots are the enemy. we're like 'well, maybe robots' but we really want the work vs play thing and we're like 'what if its business robots... but we dont tell anybody that...'. so we wrote a letter back saying 'weve changed this' the game is different now, its going to be all about toons vs robots' and theyre like 'okay fine, whatever' and, well, we didnt tell them it was business robots!

and honestly, the game got better at this point, because we were never sure when you defeated a suit what was supposed to happen to them. Bruce Woodside had an original where when the suits got hit with too many pies, they would turn into clowns? and then shrink really small and run away? and it was like some weird dream? and it was like 'Bruce thats interesting but uh, thats probably not right'"

#strato says

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t0shii · 3 years

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scary video games with hq boys

suna rintaro, kenma kozume, matsukawa issei, hanamaki takahiro, nishinoya yuu, tanaka ryunosuke x gn!r

!warnings! mentions of death, gore, etc. some slight game spoilers but tbh it's nothing major so dw! rlly just fluff! light swearing, nothing major.

pt. 2 here

SUNA RINTARO.

plays scary video games very often & is lq a scaredy cat but never lets it show. he especially likes when u sit in his lap & either watch him play or where ur hugging him w ur cheek smushed against his shoulder. holds u super tight during the scariest scenes

currently you were sitting on your boyfriend rintaro's lap, chin resting on his shoulder while he played the latest resident evil game. at first you were watching him play while sitting beside him but after a while it became too much to watch so you took to moving to his lap for comfort.

you could feel sleep creeping up to you, eyelids droopy, cheek smushed on your boyfriends shoulder, that was until rin's character died and screamed so loud you jolted awake, which seemed to startle the boy.

"sorry baby" he says with a sigh, rubbing your back soothingly, "just a few more minutes and i'll be done." to which you nod in response, then lay your head back unto his shoulder, trying your very best not to fall asleep before he was finished.

KENMA KOZUME.

u sitting in his lap while he gamed is nothing but routine at this point. he loves when u hold him while he plays so either sitting in his lap OR sitting behind him is a must must must!! he plays any and all type of games as we know but he seems to gravitate towards scary ones sometimes just so youll hold him a little tighter wont admit it tho

currently you sat behind your boyfriend kenma, both legs beside his. you had originally been playing a game of your own until you got bored of it and opted to playing with kenma's hair instead, putting little braids in it, taking them out and repeating. he never once broke distraction from the game but honestly the game he was playing, outlast, was getting a little too gorey even for you. you wrapped your arms around his waist and rested your face atop his shoulder, "ken," you mumbled, a little muffled from your mouth being pressed against his shoulder but you weren't sure he heard you as there was no reply. "hey ken," you said a little louder than the last, "hm?" you heard him repsond. "can you.. uhm play a different game now?" you mumbled shyly. "is this one boring?" he pause the game and turned his head slightly to look at you . "oh no! it's just that... it's a little scary." he looked at you for a second and blinked once before responding, "let me save real quick, yeah?" to which you nodded in response.

"what d'ya want me to play?" he asked looking back at you again, "anything is fine, ken." he nodded at that and opened a different game. "babe, i thought you liked horror games?" kenma questioned. "yeah i do! that one was just a little too much i think." you explained you got a hum in response while he continued the new game.

MATSUKAWA ISSEI.

he and makki, always playing games together. hes not the biggest gamer & rlly only plays mainstream games

currently, issei was in his gaming chair playing the last of us 2 ,whilst you layed in bed and watched. you had watched him play through the first game so of course you wanted to watch this time too! what you werent ready for was the major character death in the beginning of the game!

issei swore he was hearing something your muffled tears odd but he couldn't tell what it was, that was until he paused his game and heard you cried on your shared bed. "baby?" he called out before walking over to you, "are you crying?" "yes," you said softly under the comforter through little hiccups. "oh baby." he said with a slight chuckle, sitting next to you on the edge of the bed, "c'mere." and when you did you were met with strong arms engulfing you in a hug. "i know it's sad but it's only a game, angel." he explains before kissing the crown of your head

HANAMAKI TAKAHIRO.

again he and mattsun play games all the time with eachother! honestly only plays horror games occasionally and their usually only mainstream tbh.

you and your boyfriend makki were sitting on your shared bed, you in between his legs watching him playing little nightmares. to be honest you were trying your best to pay attention but the chase sequences were starting to get to you, especially as the antagonists all piled up to eat his character.

"makki... i don't think i like this game." you admitted shyly. "oh, why?" he asked raising a brow you couldn't even see, "it's pretty popular though.", "yeah but the chase sequences are really scary makki." you whined leaning your head back on his shoulder. "it's almost over, dont worry." he said with a smile while looking down at you and pampering your cheek with a million little kisses to make you feel better.

NISHINOYA YUU.

i swear he stays up so goddamn late playing games with his bestie tanaka it's almost annoying but his hushed giggles when tanaka makes a joke that only the two of you would actually find funny makes it worth it! don't let him near horror games omg.

you have no idea why you let yuu choose a horror game, he was shrieking every 5 minutes even when nothing was happening on the screen. currently, he was playing PT and you sat beside him, laughing at his exaggerated reactions all the while getting scared at the jumpscares just as bad as he was.

"babe i'm not answering that phone, nuh uh,no way" he said pausing the game and looking at you. "yuu the guide says you have to in order to progress!" you giggle at him. "well i guess i'm just not gonna progress!" he exclaims dramatically, tossing the controller somewhere in the room. "besides, i'd rather cuddle with you instead." he grins throwing himself onto you, causing you to fall. "you're such a scaredy-cat." you laugh rolling your eyes, while combing your hands through his spikey hair.

TANAKA RYUNOSUKE.

actually is super passionate abt his horror games 😤 hes a pussy but pushes through every time.

you liked watching your boyfriend ryu play games, but this game just wasn't doing it for you. currently he was playing outlast 2, and the atmosphere was creeping you out so bad you had to look away, not only that but the chase sequences were making you feel anxious.

"holy fuck stop chasing me damnit." ryu mumbled under his breath as the veiled antagonist chased him for what seemed like the 10th time. and honestly you couldn't take it anymore. you snaked your arms around his waist from behind and rested your eyes over his shoulder. "you doing okay?" he asked, a little concerned. "can you take a break from this one ryu?" you mumbled. he thought for a minute before pausing his game and turning to look at you, "is my baby scared?" hey cooed at you, which you nod a yes in response. hugging you real tight he says, "of course we can take a break but only if i get cuddles in return." it was a deal you simply could not refuse.

a/n love horror games so ofc i wanted to write abt it lmfao. i rlly wanna play the new little nightmares game SO BAD ughhh. any who i tried to add some variety in here so pls enjoy lmfao. sorry for any mistakes i def didnt proofread 😩

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is-that-another-soulmate-au · 4 years

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teashop zukka au??????????

Okay you might have meant a modern AU but I wanna do a Li and the Gaang meet up at the teashop sorta thing so... trust me, I'll make a modern AU one, but tonight I'm makin something self indulgent

👁👄👁 here we go

"Hi, thank you for dining with us, how can I- oh..." when Zuko looked up from his notepad he saw the group he'd previously been chasing sitting at the table "well, uh, nice to see you here... uh, names Li by the way, what can I get you to drink?"

Katara glared at him "Zu-!"

"Nope, Li."

"Alright.. fine.. Li, what are you doing here?"

"Im working, Ive been in the city for about a month now since we're on the run from the firenation" Zuko shrugged "Its been different thats for sure, uhm, I freed your bison by the way, but thats not important right now, what would you like to drink today?"

Sokka looked at Aang and then at Katara who looked at Toph then at Zuko "uh, I'll have a Chai please.. and... what would you recommend with that?"

"Oh! Uh, I'd definitely suggest the PolarBerry tarts with that one, its served with a chocolate drizzle so its a nice compliment" he then turned to Toph who didn't look at him

"Ginger tea, with a bowl of rice please" she paused "oh and tell your uncle to add more honey than last time"

"Will do- wait last time?" Zuko gave a confused look

"Yeah, I can tell its him back in the kitchen, we talked a while ago and he made me tea, just tell him its for the blind girl he helped while talking about you and he'll know its me"

Zuko cleared his throat and blushed "right, okay" he then turned to Aang who gave a cheeky grin "and you?"

"Jasmine please, and nothing else"

"Right, and you?" Zuko turned to Sokka and froze for a second at the look he was getting. Blue eyes trailing from his feet all the way back to his eyes with a smirk.

"I'll have a nice hot cup of Li tea, with a steaming side of Zuko fruit tarts"

Zuko sputtered and broke the small pencil he had in his hand in half. "I'm sorry what?"

"You heard me"

"Sokka oh my gods you can't just say that!" Katara scolded while Aang and Toph snickered to eachother

"And why not? I can flirt with the enemy if you can" Sokka said with a huff and then rolled his eyss "at least my choice is actually hot"

Katara made an insulted gasp "excuse me! Jet was in fact very hot... at the time"

"Wait... you dated Jet too?" Zuko asked with a still very flustered expression

"Yeah- wait what?"

"Okay, look, I get off in like three hours, can we meet up and talk then? I have other customers to get to"

"Yeah, yeah, sure, you have alot of explaining to do mister!"

"Oh, I'm sure I do, I'll get your order in. It should be done soon"

After putting in the order, with an improvised order for Sokka since he didnt give an actual order he went to check on the other tables one of which having Jin and Jet sitting at "youll never guess who's here"

"Who? The avatar?" Jet said sarcastically

"Yes actually..." he paused "meet me outside the shop after my shift. The both of you"

And so they did, the Gaang met up with Zuko Jet and Jin three hours later. Of course Zuko and Jin defending Jet from Katara with him explaining what he's been doing in the city. Which was at this point living with Zuko and Iroh which he lovingly referred to as Li and Mushi regardless of him knowing their actual names or not. Y'know a boy has your back when he keeps up with code names all the time.

By the time the night was over Zuko joined the Gaang, and Sokka of course made sure he knew the flirting was in fact not a joke by dragging him out to the porch when the moon was high in the sky.

"What did you drag me out here for?" Zuko huffed

"Look up there, what do you see?"

Confused Zuko looked up to the full moon in the sky "The moon?"

"Exactly, isn't she gorgeous?"

"She?" Zuko asked while leaning on the porch railing with his elbows watching cautiously as Sokka did the same.

"Yeah... she" Sokka sighed "that night at the northpole, I was supposed to protect princess Yue, but since she had been saved by the moon spirit as a baby, when the moon spirit died she gave the life back." He turned to Zuko "she became the moon spirit Zuko, I felt her die in my arms and then watched her become the moon"

"Oh" Zuko whispered and turned to look back at the moon "I didnt know she was the one to save the spirit, Im sorry"

"But you wanna know something about her being the moon now?" Sokka watched with careful blue eyes as Zuko gazed up at the moon

"What?" Amber eyes met blue one as Zuko turned back.

"Sometimes when I need to get things off my chest, I talk to her at night, I dont know if she can hear me or not but I know she's there." Sokka gave a small smile.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, and sometimes, when I want to make sure I've made the right decision, I'll go to her for figurative advice. And she's siding with me this time" Sokka moved his hand to Zuko's and took hold of it

"What is she.. siding with you-!" Zuko didnt manage to finish the sentence when Sokka crashed their lips together. It took a second for him to register what happened before he melted into the kiss only to have it taken from him when Sokka pulled back, snickering when Zuko followed his movements in hopes to continue the short lived connection. Seeing the grin on Sokka's face Zuko flushed "Oh..." Was all he managed to whisper out before they were interrupted by an irritated Katara clearing her throat from the doorway.

#avatar the last airbender #avatar: the last airbender #prince zuko #zuko #atla zuko #atla sokka #sokka #zukka #short ficlet #au prompt #zukka au

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dreamingabouthendery · 4 years

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Soarin’ (m)

pairing: jaemin x reader

au: disneyland worker!jaemin and reader

genre: fluff, smut

word count: 6.4k

warnings: smut, swearing, mentions of drugs (you’ll see), descriptions of sick? slight tainting of childhood (not enough to scar), controversial opinions (but not literally), unfunny humour

specific smut warnings (in case you dont want spoilers): fingering, blowjob, unprotected sex (but assume character is on the pill), semi-public sex?

summary: You have worked at Disneyland since the first year of uni, which has all but destroyed your ideals of magic. But when a new boy becomes the Mickey to your Minnie, you can’t help but find yourself intrigued by the bright-eyed newbie. Maybe Disneyland is magic, afterall. (this sucks im so sorry)

very, very heavily inspired by this thread on reddit. also, i hope you enjoy! any feedback will be much appreciated (this is my first fic as im sure youll be able to tell)

Ah, Disneyland, ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’. If you’re a child, that is. Not only can you meet your favorite characters who are probably doing lines in the back between rounds, but you have the honour of being able to watch them dangle helplessly from a wire during the firework display and narrowly avoid death. It’s no wonder you’ve been working there since your first year of uni.

‘Johnny told me there’s a new Mickey coming today.’ Eva, Princess Tiana and, quite frankly, the only decent princess in the whole park, says. She’s currently struggling to pull the long, white gloves over her own blue plastic pair of gloves she puts on for ‘safety reasons’ - her words, not yours. Though, it’s not like you can blame her when the outfits only get washed...well, never.

The two of you are currently the only two in the spacious dressing room which is permanently accompanied by the stench of sweat clinging to the walls, especially since it’s summer.

‘Oh, really?’ You ask from in front of her on the worn wooden bench, pulling your clunky yellow shoes on that dwarf your feet in their enormous size. It took you months to be able to walk in them without constantly tripping. Thankfully, it seems they at least got a wash after being puked on a few days ago.

She nods, moving towards the vanity and smoothing down a stray hair. ‘I know, it didn't take them long. Poor Jeremy, though.’

You hum in agreement. Jeremy ran into some trouble whilst covering a shift for the Donald Duck regular, resulting in a few broken ribs, a black eye and a dislocated shoulder. Or so the NDA requires you to say, anyway. Needless to say he quit on the spot.

‘____?’ You turn and see Johnny, your manager, making his way over to you with a cute guy in tow. ‘This is Jaemin. Jaemin, this is ____. He’s the new weekend Mickey regular. I need you to show him around Toontown discreetly,’ He gives you a pointed look to remind you that your characters aren’t supposed to talk. ‘And then you can camp out in Mickey’s House until the attractions close.’

You smile at Jaemin and he smiles back sheepishly as Johnny walks away without another word. Jaemin has arguably the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen, accompanied by the prettiest lips and the prettiest - is that too many ‘pretty’s? - twinkling eyes and you can wholeheartedly say you have no problem showing him around ‘discreetly’.

‘Hi, Jaemin.’ You say, suddenly aware of your current state of half-dress with your suit still unzipped and bunched around your waist. You catch him glancing at your exposed top-half and quickly zip up the back before clearing your throat and gesturing towards the locker opposite yours. ‘Mickey’s suit is usually kept in there.’

‘Uh, thanks.’ He turns quickly before looking back at you, clearly not wanting to ask you to leave but not wanting to change in front of you.

‘Meet you outside?’ You take the hint and stand up, grabbing Minnie’s head and placing it over your own.

He nods gratefully and you leave.

‘You’ll have to get used to that, you know.’ You say quietly as he joins you. For a late Saturday afternoon in the summer, the park isn’t as busy as usual; only the occasional family loiters in Toontown, though in the distance you can see the beginnings of a crowd forming in front of Sleeping Beauty’s castle in preparation for the fireworks as the sun begins to set.

‘Used to what?’

‘To seeing other cast members undressed and to them seeing you undressed.’ You say simply, waving to a child with a short brown bob and bucket hat that’s walking towards you as you head slowly from the staff area towards Goofy’s Playhouse. The child stops and asks both of you for your autographs, something that every Disney cast member has to perfect before they get to wear their suit.

‘Right,’ He mutters when she leaves. ‘What happened to the guy before me?’

You glance at him from the corner of your eye, momentarily forgetting you can’t see his face. ‘What’ve you heard?’

‘Nothing, why?’

You sigh. ‘He was jumped by some asshole teenagers. You don’t need to worry, though,’ You add quickly at his sharp intake of breath. ‘You aren’t dressed as Donald Duck so you should be fine.’ You joke.

He laughs slightly at that. ‘Who thought dressing up as a kids’ character could be so dangerous?’

‘Oh, you have no idea.’ You laugh, a little too loudly, drawing more attention to yourself than usual but automatically correct your pitch to match Minnie Mouse’s. You wave at the kids that turn to look at you and they hurry over, asking to take pictures. After they run back to their parents, you turn to Jaemin and ask, ‘So, why did you apply for the job?’

‘Wow, it’s like a second interview.’ You shake your head, mumbling a quick apology. ‘I’ve never actually been to Disneyland before, and you know,’ He gestures his hand aimlessly. ‘This is supposed to be The Most Magical Place on Earth’ - he quotes - ‘so, I guess I wanted to experience the magic firsthand.’

‘That’s Magic Kingdom.’ You correct automatically.

‘Huh?’

‘That’s Magic Kingdom’s motto. Ours is ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’.’

‘Huh. I guess there is a difference, then.’

‘Of course there’s a difference. Magic Kingdom isn’t nearly as good as Disneyland.’ You say simply.

Jaemin snorts. ‘I’m sorry I offended you.’

‘Anyway,’ You say, ‘If you’re looking for a magical experience, you’re coming at it from the wrong angle.’

‘Exactly how bad is it to work here?’ He questions, though you can hear a hint of amusement in his tone.

‘The best I can give you is unforgettable.’ You would explain to him the number of times you’ve caught both members of the public and workers having sex in various places including on various rides, and how Haunted Mansion is notorious for having people leave their loved one’s ashes in it despite the fact they just get vaccumed up, but it’s only his first day and you don’t want to scare him off.

‘Gotcha.’ He merely says and you continue on to show him the Chip ‘n’ Dale Treehouse, your favorite place in Toontown. At night, the treehouse is lit in such a way as to make it whimsical, the ragged branches no longer menacing as they are during the daytime. You can’t complain at the fact that it’s quiet due to the fact that most people overlook it, either, instead mistaking it as decoration and not an actual attraction that you can go in.

This makes it the perfect place to hide out in the nighttime, when people are busy with the most popular attractions and has made it sort of an escape to you. Well, that and it’s given you a bad back.

You pause in front of Mickey’s House. ‘This is your crib,’ you joke. ‘Are you ready for your first official shift?’ You say, feigning drama in your tone.

‘Oh, gee, Minnie, I sure am!’ He replies in Mickey’s tone, emulating it perfectly and making both of you crack up.

‘I have to warn you, though, expect your arm to go dead within the first few minutes from all the waving.’

‘Noted. This job isn’t going to give me carpal tunnel syndrome, is it?’ He asks, only half serious.

‘No, but it may make you hate kids.’

He chokes, but before he can say anything in reply, a small boy who looks about four illustrates your point by pulling down his denim shorts and taking a dump right on the tarmac next to the hideous grey mouse-shaped letterbox.

You can read Jaemin’s horror in his speechlessness as you merely sigh and pull out your radio to call in, ‘We have a code Pooh outside Mickey’s House, over.’

As you walk in your front door to your shared apartment with your roommate, Ailee, you catch her and her boyfriend, Sam, making out on the couch in the living room. You two met in the first week of uni when you both ended up at some frat party that you hated and hit it off.

‘Ew, gross, guys. You have a bedroom, you know.’ You say, throwing your bag on the coffee table and slumping down on the couch next to them, sinking into the plush white cushions.

Ailee merely throws her head back and laughs before saying, ‘Tell me all about it.’

You frown. ‘About what?’

She tuts at you impatiently. ‘Work, duh. Everyday you come home it’s been a bad day,’ She plays with a few strands of your hair comfortingly. ‘So, tell me about it.’

You scrunch your nose up. ‘Nothing out of the ordinary happened.’ You say simply, looking at your nails.

Sam laughs. ‘Even I know you look at your nails when you’re lying, ____.’

Your mouth falls open in shock, offended. ‘I do not.’ You insist and scowl internally.

‘You do,’ Ailee agrees. ‘But it’s okay, that doesn’t matter right now. What’s the juicy story for today?’

You roll your eyes. ‘I’m glad my misery is so entertaining. The only thing that’s different is that there’s a new weekend Mickey regular.’

Ailee and Sam share a pointed look. ‘And?’ She asks, drawing out the syllable.

‘And he’s cute. I guess.’ You add as an afterthought.

Ailee snorts. ‘You guess?’

You groan. ‘Okay, he’s cute, period.’ You concede.

‘So, ask him out.’

‘Can’t. It’s against the rules.’ You mumble.

She gives you an exasperated look. ‘____, sweetie, you’re the most lax person with a job still in the whole park. What’s one date to you that nobody knows about?’

You bite your lip. She does have a point. You think about how cute Jaemin was when he was nervous to greet the kids at the House and hide your grin.

‘She’d have to actually see him again, though, right?’ Sam interjects, interrupting your daydream.

‘Sam, don’t be such a Debby downer.’ Ailee whines.

Whilst it’s true that cast members in a couple usually split up, you doubt they would make Jaemin do his second shift on his own. Resolving to pluck up the courage to ask him out, you go to bed that night apprehensive about the following day.

Apparently God is punishing you for some unknown reason, because you don’t see Jaemin at all that day, or the week after. In fact, you don’t even catch a glimpse of him or the big round ears that are telling of Mickey’s character.

Eve informs you that Johnny teamed him up with Goofy for ‘variety’, meanwhile you’re being sent over to Soarin’ in Grizzly Peak, the most boring area in the whole park due to its unpopularity. You can’t help but worry slightly about Jaemin, though, thinking of the previous time you saw Daniel, Goofy’s actor, when he pulled a flask from seemingly nowhere inside his costume and took a long, deep drink before heading back out, slightly stumbling.

Before you step out, Bella, the girl who plays Cinderella (no, the irony is not lost on you), stops you and says, ‘Oh, ____, I heard the new Mickey Mouse arrived yesterday. Fingers crossed you don’t scare him into quitting, too.’ Ever since you auditioned for the part of Cinderella and lost it to her, Bella has taken to rubbing your inferiority in your face every chance she gets.

You roll your eyes and Eve says back, ‘Oh, fuck off, Bella,’ She turns to you. ‘She’s just jealous ‘cause she thinks he’s cute and he hasn’t even acknowledged her yet.’

You snort as Bella narrows her eyes and stomps away as best she can in her flimsy costume heels.

‘He was asking after you when he came in earlier, you know.’ Eve says.

‘Jaemin was?’

She hums before saying, ‘He looked so disappointed to be paired up with Goofy.’

You feel the blood rushing to your face as you smile. ‘Really?’

Eve looks at you knowingly. ‘Yep, said he wanted to thank you for being so understanding yesterday since no one wants to babysit the newbee.’

‘I’d happily babysit the newbee anytime if they looked like that.’ You say and Eve laughs.

Whilst you’re at the most boring attraction in the park, the day is still no less than eventful. You encounter a child stuck in a tree trying to skip the line for Anna and Elsa’s Royal Welcome on your way to the bathroom due to the nearest one being blocked off. After you manage to actually use the bathroom, you’re surprised to see Elsa herself there, half-dressed at the sink and you can’t help but wonder if that’s the reason the line is so long. To top it all off, one of the only times you manage to fill the ride at Soarin’, you notice a couple getting on while holding a backpack that’s moving and alert the ride operators. When they finally report back to you that there was a six-month-old baby in there, they have to convince you not to ring child protective services.

After you slam your locker closed in the deserted dressing room, you sink down on the rigid bench, putting your head in your hands and massaging your growing headache.

‘____,’ A voice starts and you jump, looking up to see Johnny standing above you, clipboard in hand. He barely gives you a second glance when he startles you, instead pretending not to notice and continuing, ‘I need you next Friday for a grad night.’

You groan. Grad nights are the worst events Disneyland continuously puts on, in the past coming second only to Nights of Joy, the annual Christian festival, before it was cancelled for good. Even the managers rejoiced in the abolition of Nights of Joy. ‘Can’t you find someone else to be Minnie? Everyone knows how bad grad nights are.’

Johnny sighs. ‘Fine, then. I’ll put you on watching the cameras for Star Tours with Jaemin.’

You ignore the way you want to immediately jump on the chance for some one-on-one time with Jaemin and raise an eyebrow. ‘Aren’t you not supposed to do that? You know, because he’s new and I’m not trained in…’ You trail off at the glare he’s giving you and purse your lips, nodding your head in acceptance.

‘Great, thanks.’ He says sarcastically and walks out.

At least the next time you return to Hell on Earth it won’t be in a Minnie costume.

You feel strange as you unlock and push open the door to the CCTV monitor room. If you had to put money on it, you would say it’s because this isn’t your job and you technically shouldn’t be here, but you’re not much of a gambler.

The heavy metal door gives way, opening to a small room with roughly fifty monitors, each displaying the Star Tours ride, the attraction itself as a whole and the surrounding area. You note the odd statue opposite the entrance that you don’t remember the name of - the satellites surrounding a distinct shape that is rocket-like. You shake your head internally at the sight. Why are the only pretty decorations reserved for Fantasyland?

You also note the dim red lighting and frown in confusion as your eyes land on Jaemin, sitting in an office chair in front of the wall of screens, wearing the same uniform consisting of a pale blue shirt and black trousers as you, except wearing it a hundred times better.

He turns upon your entrance, smiling as he takes in your attire. ‘I thought I’d set the mood with some lighting.’ He grins cheekily.

‘Oh?’ You say, stepping into the room, locking the door behind you. ‘What mood is that exactly?’

His smile grows wider as he says, ‘Adventure. We’re in for a night, so I hear.’

You groan, ‘You’ll wish you never agreed to doing this.’ You make your way to the chair next to his, sitting down on the flat cushion and leaning back.

‘How bad can it really be? These are literally a bunch of eighteen-year-olds who aren’t of legal drinking age yet and they’re supervised.’

You shook your head in mock sympathy. ‘Sweet, sweet, naive boy,’ You say. ‘Now you’ve jinxed it.’ You eye his coffee cup and wrinkle your nose in distaste at the black liquid. It looks like you’re staring into the pits of Hell. ‘What is that atrocity?’

He follows your gaze and laughs. ‘It’s coffee. Wanna try some?’ He maintains eye contact as he takes a sip and then offers it to you.

‘God, no. I have self-respect.’

He places it back down next to an intimidating set of controls, a hint of amusement in his eyes. ‘Also, I wanted to say thank you for the other week. For showing me around and stuff.’ He looks down shyly.

‘Oh, it’s, um, no problem. How have you been coping?’ You ask slightly awkwardly, not knowing what to do at his sudden personality flip-flop.

‘It’s a lot harder than I imagined it to be, honestly. I thought the worst that could happen would be screaming children and impatient parents.’ He admits.

You nod. ‘I thought the same when I first started last year. Little did I know the Karens were the least of my problems.’

He laughs breathily. ‘Tell me about it. I don’t know how you’ve managed to last so long.’

You shrug, embarrassed. ‘I just like making the kids’ day I guess.’

He coos and you push him lightly, smiling. ‘Why don’t we play a game?’ He asks, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You narrow your own eyes. ‘What kind of game?’

‘Hmm,’ He pretends to think, tapping his chin. ‘How about twenty-one questions?’

‘Okay,’ You say slowly. ‘What are our rules going to be?’

He smirks. ‘You only get one get-out-of-jail card. And if you use it, you have to do what the other person says.’

You sigh. ‘Fine. Then, follow-up questions to your answers don’t count.’

‘Deal. I’ll go first,’ At your mildly worried look, he says, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you. What are you studying in uni?’

‘Business and management.’ You say instantly, and he looks intrigued. ‘It was either that or English lit, and my parents weren’t too keen on me studying that.’

He frowns. ‘Why not?’

You avoid eye contact as you answer. ‘They’re both doctors,’ You clear your throat. ‘Are you in uni?’ You love your parents with all your heart but sometimes you wish they would just be happy with you being happy.

He takes the hint and moves on. ‘Yeah, I’m actually doing photography.’ He says, scratching the back of his neck.

Your head perks up. ‘Really? That’s so cool. My roommate is studying photography, too. Is that what you want to do after you graduate?’

His face relaxes. ‘I’m not really sure, to be honest. I just know it’s something I’m passionate about, you know?’ At your nod of encouragement, he continues, ‘There’s just something so amazing about capturing a moment forever in a way that really brings out its true beauty.’

You give him a small smile. ‘That sounds really special.’

He shrugs, though you can tell he appreciates it. ‘Anyway, it’s your turn to answer. Do you have a boyfriend?’

If you were drinking something, you’re sure you would have choked. ‘I-no?’

He looks slightly put out. ‘Is it complicated?’

You shake your head, maybe a little too hard. ‘No, sorry, you just caught me off guard. No, I don’t have a boyfriend.’ He looks instantly brighter. ‘Why, are you asking me out?’ You tease.

He blushes. ‘I mean, uh, I, um-’

‘Oh my God,’ You laugh, though you feel disappointed. ‘It’s okay, I was only joking. Ouch.’ You’re almost glad you didn’t get a chance to ask him out and make things awkward between the two of you. Maybe not seeing him for two weeks was a sign from the universe not to fuck up.

‘I didn’t mean it like that, oh God, I’m sorry.’ He groans and buries his face in his hands.

You tap him playfully on the shoulder. ‘It’s fine,’ You can’t help but feel hurt. Why did he ask you if he doesn’t care whether you have one or not? Maybe you’re just reading too much into it. ‘My turn, anyway. What’s traumatized you the most since working here?’

‘Learning that when cast members say ‘have a Disney day’ they really mean ‘fuck you’.’

You throw your head back and laugh. ‘That’s my favorite. Although as far as things go, that’s pretty vanilla.’

‘Maybe I’m a vanilla guy.’ He teases, and you can’t help but let your mind wander to an image of him hovering over you, reaching up to intertwine your hands together as he moans sweetly in your ear and you feel your face heat up.

‘So you’re admitting you’re boring.’ You joke halfheartedly, almost off-beat.

He places his hand over his heart in mock hurt. ‘That was uncalled for. Alright then, little miss kinky, where’s the most daring place you’ve had sex?’

Your eyes widen comically. ‘I-’ You glance at the monitors and see two figures in the back row of the mostly deserted ride, one hunched over with their head in the lap of what you make out to be a guy judging by the other figure’s movements. ‘Oh my God, no!’ You cry and fumble for the microphone.

‘What? What is it?’ Jaemin asks, his eyes searching. You can tell the moment he sees what you’re seeing, because he instantly cracks up laughing.

‘It’s not funny,’ You whine, pressing the red button on the microphone and saying as firmly as you can as monotonous as you can, ‘This is a family-friendly ride. Please refrain from scarring’ - you hiss and the figure has the decency to bolt upright and you see that they’re a girl - ‘the camera operators and fellow riders. Thank you.’ The others on the ride look around in confusion, and you can see the girl turn to say something to the boy. Judging by the way she gestures, it’s safe to assume it’s something biting.

‘I thought you said this happens all the time.’ Jaemin says once he’s calmed down enough to make the words out.

‘It does,’ You keep your eye on the couple, the guy wearing a smug grin as he zips up his trousers and the girl looking meek and embarrassed. Good. Public indecency is no joke. ‘But that doesn’t make it any less gross. This is a kids’ park for goodness sake.’

‘But there aren’t any kids around.’

You give him an exasperated look. ‘Well, I would never be okay with doing it on a ride in public.’

He licks his lips and you follow the movement only slightly too closely. ‘So when I asked where the most risky place you’ve had sex is…’ He trails off, smirking.

‘You can cross a literal children’s park from the list of possibilities, and proudly so.’ You say stubbornly. ‘Please don’t tell me you have.’ You rush to say upon seeing his face.

‘I haven’t.’ He says slowly, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting back in his chair, spreading his legs. You wish they didn’t look so inviting. You wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t.

‘But?’ You probe.

‘But nothing,’ He says simply. ‘So, are you gonna answer my question or are you gonna forfeit?’

You scowl at him. ‘What do you want if I do?’ You can feel your pulse racing in both excitement and fear but you keep your face blank.

His eyes shine as he leans forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs. ‘I don’t know yet.’

You swallow at his suggestive tone. ‘Fine, I’ll tell you,’ You concede, and he seems to not know whether to be pleased or disappointed. ‘My ex was a bit of an exhibitionist. He, um, you know, touched me when we went to see a movie.’

Jaemin raises an eyebrow, but you miss the glint in his gaze. ‘I thought you weren’t down for doing it in kids’ places.’

‘We were watching Paranormal Activity.’ You say flatly.

‘And?’

‘And it’s rated eighteen plus!’ You defend.

‘Is that the furthest you’ve gone in public? No compromising positions? No p in the-’

You cut him off hurriedly before he can go any further. ‘I’ve just never done it anywhere risky,’ You sigh dramatically. ‘I think I’m vanilla, too.’

He laughs loudly. ‘You don’t have to say it like it’s a bad thing. Anyway, I never said I was vanilla.’

You frown. ‘Earlier, you did.’

‘Did I? Maybe I was just saying it to tease you.’ He smiles a wide, boyish smile, completely contradicting what he’s implying with his words.

‘Oh?’ You say breathlessly. ‘Well, okay then.’

‘Don’t believe me?’

‘I-what? I never said-’

‘Would you rather I show you?’ He offers and your breath hitches as you meet his intense eyes. The warm brown seems darker and he glances at your chest as you breathe deeply. You can’t believe he said that. In the short time you’ve known him, you’re taken aback at how quickly he can switch between shyness and confidence.

When you merely stare back at him, not knowing what to say, he stands up and closes the short distance between the two of you so that his knee grazes your own as he stands above you. ‘____,’ He says, a slight rasp in his voice. ‘I need you to say it if you want this.’

You swallow and whisper, ‘Yes.’

He cups your face with his hand, his thumb softly stroking your cheek as he brings his lips down upon yours. You lift your own hand to hold his wrist which is currently beside your face and use the other one to grip onto the arm of the chair to ground yourself in the moment.

You let loose a small whimper as he glides his tongue across your bottom lip, and you part your lips to allow it in. He grips you tighter before he pulls away from your mouth to trail wet kisses across your jaw. ‘Guess you ended up tasting my coffee, anyway, hm?’ He whispers lowly into your ear before pecking it and you shudder, with both pleasure and laughter.

‘I guess so.’ You look into his eyes and see the pure hunger that makes you squeeze your thighs together.

Jaemin notices and pulls you up gently, pushing your hips into the desk with the monitors above it. Taking the hint, you spread your legs to give him room to stand between them, and he praises a quick, ‘Atta girl’, before leaning back down to reconnect your lips. You now take note of the slight hint of coffee on his tongue this time but you don’t care as you impatiently and desperately kiss him back and wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him closer. His hand ghosts up your thigh, making you shiver in his arms. He slowly moves to unbutton your bottoms, giving you time to stop him.

In response, however, you whine at what feels like his teasing and unbutton and unzip them yourself, causing him to chuckle as he pulls away. ‘Are you impatient, baby?’ You swoon internally at the pet name and nod, biting your lip.

‘Please,’ You manage. ‘Want you to touch me.’

He moans and slides his fingers into your underwear, not wanting to tease you over them after you asked so nicely. He grins as his fingers slide in your arousal and says, ‘You’re so wet already. Do you want me to make you come all over my fingers?’

‘Fuck, yes.’ You breathe.

His eyes drink in your rapidly rising chest and the utter desire written all over your face as he gently slides a finger inside you. ‘So tight and wet. How are you gonna take my cock if you’re this tight, hm?’ You whine and he eases a second finger in and starts thrusting at a pace that makes you arch your back.

Your hand flies to his bicep, feeling the way it flexes under your fingertips as he scissors his fingers inside of you. His thumb finds your clit and rubs hard circles into it, the pressure being just enough to make your toes curl. You lean into him and rest your head on his shoulder, pressing a swift kiss to the juncture between it and his neck. You marvel at the way goosebumps rise upon your touch and the way your breaths feel huffing against his rapidly heating skin. You can smell the faint scent of earthiness and wood from his cologne, which you take a deep breath of and breathe in his aroma as your hand winds itself in his hair and tugs when a particular deep surge of his fingers hits a spot that makes your brain go fuzzy.

‘Jaemin.’ You moan and he all but growls.

‘That’s it, baby, say my name. Are you close? Wanna see your face when I make you cum.’ His words weigh down your lower stomach like a ton of bricks, furthering you along in your chase to find your release. He nudges your clit deliciously, teasing you by rubbing around it every now and then, pulling you away only to bring you back with ten times the sensitivity and it’s enough to push you closer to the edge faster than when you touch yourself.

You feel the coil in your stomach tightening as you nod to answer his question and unbutton your top enough to fit your hand into your bra, your fingers finding your nipple and rolling it between them. You lift your face from his shoulder and stare into the seemingly pitless black of his eyes as they’re stuck to your face and the changes in your expression as he brings you to the edge. ‘Yes, don’t stop, please.’ You manage. His features are hard to make out in the dim lighting, but you notice the way his eyes zero in on your hand stuffed into your bra and it’s when he picks up the pace, fucking his fingers into you harder that you finally let go. Your eyes roll back and your grip on his arm tightens as you moan his name like a mantra.

He takes his fingers out after riding you through your high and makes eye contact as he sucks his fingers clean. ‘Mm, sweet.’ He teases.

You hide behind your hands in embarrassment and he laughs as he pries them away from your face. ‘You gonna let me bend you over this desk, now?’ He grins.

You nod meekly, your legs trembling as you stand up to your full height. Jaemin unbuttons your blouse as you return the gesture on him, pushing his shirt open to run your fingers down the ridges in his stomach. You teasingly flick your thumbs over his nipples and he gasps, to which you smirk and repeat the motion, causing him to moan and you bite your lip at the sound. ‘Sensitive, are you?’

He slaps your ass playfully in response, pulling your trousers and underwear down in one go. You reach behind you and unclip your bra as you step out of the pool of clothing at your feet, pulling it down your arms slowly. He opens his mouth to make a remark, but decides against it as your breasts come into view. He sucks in a breath and reaches up, tugging your left nipple that’s standing to attention. ‘You’re perfect.’ He says, taking in your figure.

You smile, hearing the sincerity in his voice. ‘I want to see you, too.’ You pout, pulling on his belt loops so that he’s even closer and then reaching down to undo them.

He helps you by unbuckling his belt and letting his trousers drop to the floor. You reach into his underwear and run your fingers down his length before wrapping your hand around it and moving it up and down. He throws his head back and you kiss down his neck, tasting the bittersweet salt of his sweat and the natural flavour of his skin. You pull him out of his underwear and begin to pick up the pace but all too soon he puts his hand over yours, halting you.

‘I want to come inside you.’ He phrases it like a question and you nod, turning around and bending over the desk. His hands smooth over the flesh of your ass as he says, ‘You look so good like this.’ Jaemin runs his length between your lips to lube himself and then situates himself so that he’s pressing against your entrance. ‘Ready?’

‘Yes. Please, Jaemin.’ You push your hips back so he gets the hint.

‘That never gets old,’ He pushes himself in steadily and you gasp at the stretch and how satisfying it feels. ‘Been wanting to hear you moan my name since the first day.’

You moan as he thrusts into you, hard and fast. His pace is almost bruising, the way he grips your hips assures you that you’ll feel a smattering of fingertip-shaped soreness tomorrow when you run your fingers over the area. ‘Me too.’ You say in between breaths. He reaches up to roll your bud between his fingers and you whine; your hand travels between your legs to rub your clit. It jumps a little from sensitivity but you keep at it until you just feel pure, white-hot pleasure.

‘Fuck!’ He shouts as you clench around him once he hits a spot that has you grasping his wrist. ‘You feel so fucking good,’ He praises, kissing up your back until he’s whispering in your ear, ‘So. Fucking. Good.’ In between thrusts. You shudder and turn your head, capturing his lips in yours. The kiss is messy but neither of you can bring yourselves to care, too lost in the feeling and taste of each other to pay it any mind. The sound of your hips connecting fills the small room, echoing as it bounces off the walls until your head is filled with his moans and his skin on yours and just Jaemin, Jaemin, Jaemin.

You feel yourself hovering over the edge almost embarrassingly quick and you cry out, ‘I’m so close.’

‘Yeah? Gonna come all over my cock like a good girl?’ He says huskily and you bite your lip and nod. You never would’ve guessed the timid boy you met on the first day who looked so innocent as the new guy had such a dirty mouth. It makes you shiver all over, loving the way his words caress your skin and make your nipples stand to an impossible hardness.

‘Yeah. Wanna be good for you.’

He groans. ‘You are, baby, you’re so good for me.’ At his words, you feel yourself come undone and your legs shake from the effort of holding you up. Jaemin whines as you clench around him sporadically, your breaths coming out in ragged puffs. You swear the sound pushes you harder for longer, wanting to do everything you can to hear him make such a pretty noise again.

‘Wait,’ You say, and he stops immediately. ‘I’m too sensitive. I can’t-’ Your voice cracks.

‘Can’t what, ____? Do you want me to stop?’ You can hear the genuine concern laced in his words.

‘No, well, yes,’ You huff and turn around, letting him slide out of you and you internally cringe at the feeling of him brushing against your sensitive walls. ‘Come here.’ You reach for his hands and pull him back over to you, closing the distance he put between you after you turned around. He looks confused as you smile lazily and kiss him sloppily, your hand moving between his legs to grab him at the base and squeezing him.

He moans and breaks off the kiss. ‘____, if you want to stop-’ You shush him as you drop to your knees and his eyes light up as you lean in to kiss the tip of him lovingly.

You trail your tongue from base to tip and take him in your mouth, suckling the head.

He curses. ‘Please don’t tease, I’m so close already.’

You relent, opening your mouth as wide as you can and sinking down to fit as much of him as you can. What doesn’t fit, you stroke with your hand. You can just about fit your hand around his girth and you can taste yourself on him, something you never thought you’d like but in that moment nothing could be hotter. He fists his hands in your hair, tugging slightly to make you look up at him. When you do, you moan around him at the sight - teeth tugging on his lower lip as he lets out moans here and there when you pay extra attention to the tip and his head thrown back, baring the honey-colored skin of his neck to your hungry eyes. He finally looks down at you and you’re close enough to hear his breath hitch as he watches you take him in and out of your mouth in a trance. You twist and tug him in a way that has his thigh twitching next to your head and so you place your hands on them and take him into your throat.

It’s when you simultaneously fondle his balls that he lets out a quiet ‘fuck’, followed by an ‘I’m coming’ and thrusts shallowly, causing tears to spring in your eyes. He releases into your mouth and you swallow it down and clean him off, earning that whimper that makes your clit throb.

Jaemin pulls you to your feet and into a kiss that you both commit to; one that’s passionate and slow as you calm both of your racing hearts and come down from the high of intimacy. You know he can taste himself on you, but he doesn’t hesitate to give his all. When he breaks away, he leans his forehead against yours, leaving wet kisses all over your face and you giggle. He runs his hands up your arms and says, ‘So, can I take you on a date now?’

You look into his eyes and nod, feeling suddenly shy at his vulnerable stare. ‘Yeah, I’d like that.’

‘So,’ He says casually, pulling you in closer by wrapping his arms around your shoulders. ‘Is this officially the weirdest place you’ve had sex?’

You gasp and slap his chest lightly but he just cackles in return, pulling you back into him.

#first #five #tags #dont #work #na jaemin #na jaemin smut #na jaemin fluff #nct dream smut #nct dream fluff #nct smut #nct fluff #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #jaemin smut #jaemin fluff

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pushpop · 3 years

Text

i was going to ignore this but the amount of messed up shit you said is outstanding.

the fact you accuse me of transphobia is truly baffling and so fucking far from the truth. its amazing how you come up with such awful blatant lies.you know i fucking supported you and didnt i even encourage you in the beginning you were trans. i cant even think of a point where i treated you differently, degraded you or whatever or even went close to saying transphobic shit. but yeah okay me talking about my gender struggles to you (which hey! you talked to me about yours too!) and calling it "my male trauma"is absolutely fine. like.youre an idiot. i dont even want to get into this shit because of how utterly disgusting it is of you to even lie about shit like that. fuck off.

also like who the fuck are you even talking about when talking of my friends?? you literally sound so childlike. what friends of mine are you talking about? when do my friends online bully people? i was friends with like what? 2 people in that dead server? are you seriously talking about a mutual on here who ive never even had a conversation with, that you had an argument with? also when do i fucking say shit, especially on the internet i keep to myself like 90% of the time. why do you lie so fucking much for??????

"you used the fact i was attractive to you to make me flirt with you" youre literally just an idiot not understanding why people flirt for that one which is humorous. "posted sexy images of yourself to get a rise out of me" or whatever nonsense you were spilling is soooo fucking funny to me too. that says more about you than me. like that was soooo wrong of me to post cute selfies. but like i really dont want to get into talking about the sex life we had ,on the internet . its just pointless. you say such off the wall bullshit too

btw your friends have tried to contact me and obviously scrolled through my private account to tell you stuff i post. bc? id privately post thoughts? on a private account? my friends havent once talked to you about stuff between us, they havent done shit to you. but let me guess, youll say "i dont control my friends" in response .then twist it like my friends and me and all one. i cant even think who you are even talking about where you get the impression my friends are awful people???

you seriously are such a liar and a guilt tripper. its insane

im probably going to ignore anything further if you say anything to me since it goes nowhere and doesnt help. i dont want to even post publicly but the thought of directly messaging you seems like a true waste

#you are so stubborn nothing will get through your tiny cerebral cortex #did you make all this up when i laughed at something you did? something that minor and that stupid set you off?#idc if you talk about me privately i have no way of knowing about it #your friends invaided my privacy to tell you things i said on a private account. its just ridiculously childish and stupid #i realize i do wrong i own up to it i am bitch sometimes .im not pure im not a perfect person im not always nice.#im not going to beg and plead sorry over blatant awful lies #you make no sense theres no consistency into the things you say at all

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yoon-kooks · 4 years

Text

Witch Hazel- Pt.6

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: FanficWriter!Jungkook, Idol!Reader, College!AU, Angst, Fluff

Summary: There are two students in your art class with a secret: you and the quiet Jeon Jungkook. You’re a problematic idol singer, infamous for your ice cold reputation and perpetual resting bitch face; he’s the artist and author behind the viral comic series based on a certain ice queen idol. After a blowup of destructive rumors, lost motivation and inevitable solitude, you stumble upon Jungkook’s comic and find a new and unexpected light.

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: none

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // ?

A/N: i’ve had mixed feelings about the tumblr fic community as of late :/ but heres something to read🥺

Holding the boy’s pinky in your own, you stare once more at his drawing of you with your guitar and flower crown—a superhero to those whom you shared your music with.

No. Your music hasn’t saved anyone. You’ve never been a hero to anyone. If anything, you’re the one who needs to be saved. You’d always thought you could grow strong enough to save yourself if you just closed yourself off from the world and did everything on your own. But in the end, that only seemed to hurt you more.

You should’ve known. It’s okay to ask for help, to reach out, to let him in.

“A few years ago, I had a thought. It wasn’t a very smart thought, but I decided I wanted to share part of myself with the world. I thought about the different ways I could go about that, but the way that made the most sense for me was music,” you say, finally letting go of Jungkook’s pinky and making yourself awfully comfortable on a bed that doesn’t belong to you. “So I auditioned for Polar Entertainment. Not to be an idol, but to be a songwriter.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything, but he nods as if it’s not a shock to him, as if he saw it as “a Y/N thing to do.” At the same time, his gentle eyes wait for you to continue, curious to know what’ll happen next.

“Do you remember the song you heard me singing the other day in the music room?”

Jungkook cracks a smirk and starts singing your song word for word in a surprisingly in-tune whisper. Oh, he remembers it alright, and he’ll apparently never let you live it down. He doesn’t stop until you throw one of the balled-up blankets at his face.

“That was the first time I picked up my guitar and sang that song since being rejected at the audition.”

“I can imagine how scarring that would be. Rejection,” he shudders at the word, though you’re sure he knows little about the feeling with art skills as professional as his. “They really didn’t like you though?”

“They liked certain parts of me.” Your vocals, your beauty, your body. “But not the ones that mattered.” Your music, your creativity, your personality. You.

“That’s their loss,” Jungkook says in the midst of a yawn, practically inaudible. But you heard him.

“Maybe they had a point,” you say, looking up at the ceiling. “Because when I look back to that time, it was quite foolish of me to believe my music would reach anyone when it came from a place of desperation, not my heart. The song was a plea for help, not one that would save others.”

“What made you suddenly sing it again after all this time?”

You grab hold of the boy’s hand and form yet another pinky promise. “Promise you won’t laugh at me for my reason.”

“I can’t promise you that,” he says with the straightest face. He’s ready to burst out laughing again and you know it.

“Then I won’t tell you.” With a hmph, you bury yourself under the fluffiest blanket. You wonder how he would’ve reacted if you told him it was that dang jk.seagull and his fanfic that gave you the courage to sing again, to go back to your roots, to follow your love of creating music. It’d obviously sound ridiculous to admit it out loud, but the joy you feel from reading Witch Hazel is what reminds you of the very thing you want to provide others with—happiness.

And that’s perhaps all the encouragement you needed to start sharing your music again.

“I won’t tell you what it was exactly that made me do it, but I’ll tell you why,” you peek your head back out of the blankets to see the boy still waiting patiently for an answer. “I wanted to move on… from the failure I faced that day. That way, I can finally become that superhero you speak of.”

You place the drawing of your superhero self onto the nightstand so that it doesn’t get crinkled up on the bed. No, she’s not a superhero yet. But she will be someday.

“I’ll look forward to it.”

“You better not tell anyone,” you remind him. “This isn’t something I share with other people. Ever.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” he assures you, with not only his words but also his warmth.

“Good.” You smile whilst closing your eyes. You meant to tell him that he could confide in you too, but the warmth pulls you into a deep slumber before you could do so.

It’s been a minute since you’ve awoken in someone else’s bed, though this is the first time you aren’t all wrapped up in their embrace. Rather, half the boy’s body is hanging off the side of the bed for dear life while you’re right smack in the middle, all bundled up in one of the blankets.

If you wanted to, you could push him over the edge with the tiniest tap of your foot—that’s how close he is to falling. But as tempting as it would be to get even with the boy who teases you to no end, you opt to quietly check your phone without disturbing him.

To your surprise, you have two new notifications: a text from Seokjin earlier this morning and a late-night update from jk.seagull posted sometime after you had passed out. You’ve always been the type to take care of work obligations before indulging in guilty pleasures, so you open Seokjin’s text first.

6:04AM jinnie “so jimin’s manager reached out to me”

6:05AM jinnie “and you want to collab with jimin?”

7:12AM Y/N “oh yeah i asked him to have his manager contact you”

7:13AM Y/N “but i guess i forgot to tell you LOL”

It’s not that you forgot. You were just hesitant to tell your manager about it yourself. Because if possible, you’d like to minimize your own company’s involvement in this top-secret scheme of yours.

7:15AM jinnie “are you up to something?”

7:15AM Y/N “mayhaps”

7:16AM Y/N “but dont tell boss lady pls”

7:17AM jinnie “shes going to find out one way or another”

7:19AM Y/N “thats true 🤔 ”

7:20AM Y/N “well tbh knowing her, she’d probably approve of the collab anyway since it should clear up those dating rumors while (hopefully) appealing to jimin’s fanbase”

7:21AM Y/N “just dont tell her the logistics of the collab”

7:21AM jinnie “what are you scheming lmao”

7:22AM Y/N “youll see”

7:22AM jinnie “ 😒 dont get me or yourself in trouble Y/N”

7:23AM Y/N “i wont! i promise! 🥺 ”

7:24AM jinnie “okay fine”

7:25AM jinnie “ill arrange a meeting with jimin and his manager to discuss everything formally”

As you move on to the more exciting notification on your phone, you see that the sleeping Jungkook has slipped several inches closer to falling flat on his face. Maybe you’ll save him from his impending doom. Maybe you won’t. But that’ll have to wait until after you see what jk.seagull had to say on his blog.

“do you ever think back to that one time in math camp when a little girl screamed in your face that she hated math and wanted to become a musician instead? apparently she somehow confused ‘musician’ with ‘mathematician’ LMAO”

You aren’t sure what provoked the silly seagull guy to share such a random thought, but you do get a good laugh out of it. After all, you can totally relate as someone who went to math camp one summer despite knowing in your heart what you truly wanted to do-

Wait.

“Jungkook,” you say in a half-hushed, half-urgent tone, though calling his name wouldn’t be what actually wakes him from his slumber. “I think I know who the seagull guy is.”

Thud. You swear on your life you didn’t lay a finger on the boy when he fell, despite all the devilish thoughts you had about it earlier. He fell on his own. You’re innocent. Therefore, you have a right to laugh.

“Are you okay?” you snicker, peering down from the bed at the dazed boy. He might have been the biggest klutz for rolling off the bed and stumbling around to find his glasses, but holy shit. His wild bedhead and scattered blankets across the floor make it seem as though the two of you had a lot more than just an innocent heart-to-heart in his bed last night.

“I’m fine,” he stretches his arms and combs the bedhead out. Yes, he is fine. “But, uhh, what’s this about that seagull guy?”

“I think I know him.” You expect Jungkook to be as excited as you are, but he just seems kind of puzzled—perhaps from his lack of sleep.

“…and how did you come to that conclusion…?” he asks. Or maybe he doesn’t believe you.

“You didn’t see the post! Look at the post.” You join the boy down on the floor and make yourself at home there with your phone and some of the fallen blankets. He leans over your shoulder to read the infamous post you won’t shut up about.

“Math camp?” Jungkook continues to squint at the cryptic message before chuckling. “Also, did that girl seriously confuse musician with mathematician?”

“Stop laughing! That dumbass was me.” Now you wish you had kicked his ass off the bed.

He stops laughing, not because you told him to but because he’s mildly shook. “What?”

You take a deep breath in because you know you’re setting yourself up to be clowned for the rest of your fucking life. “When I was like ten, I told my parents that I wanted to be a mathematician, thinking that word meant musician. So they signed me up for camp that summer.”

“Did you ever stop to think that mathematician has the word math in it and not mu-”

You interrupt the boy’s unwelcomed commentary with an air-punch to his guts before continuing on as if nothing happened. “I was so excited until I got there. It was absolutely mortifying to learn that it was a math camp, not a music camp.”

“I like this story,” he nods with his arms guarding himself in anticipation of another air-jab as you square up.

“Still, I tried to make the best out of the situation since I was actually kind of good at math,” you say. “The camp director even told me I’d make a great math professor one day.”

“I can’t imagine you as a math professor.” He settles down with all the chuckling.

“I couldn’t either, so I ran off to an empty room where I thought I could escape without anyone finding me,” you soften your tone. “But somehow a crying, wandering boy found me.”

“Was it the seagull?”

“Maybe. All I remember was hearing music playing from somewhere outside. I sang along as a way to comfort and distract myself from the whole math situation, but it seemed to cheer up the boy as well.”

“Your voice does have that effect, you know.”

“He told me the same thing.” You can’t help but smile a little at the compliment. “But in that moment, it felt like my dream had a purpose beyond fueling my own desires. And I needed to share it with someone. Anyone.”

“So you shared it with the boy?”

You nod. “I told him my dream was to be a mathematician, but he knew what I meant.”

“Did he at least clown you first?”

“He did. He laughed right in my face, and at first I thought he was a jerk for making fun of my dream. But after he kindly taught me the difference between musician and mathematician, I announced my actual dream to him and him alone.”

“And how’d he respond?”

“He said it was cool beans.”

“He said cool beans?”

“Those were his exact words, yes.”

“And that was it?”

“That’s all I can remember.”

“So you don’t even remember his name or anything?”

“We never introduced ourselves,” you shake your head. “I don’t remember his face either because it was covered by a hood and long hair.”

“That’s too bad,” Jungkook sighs. “I bet it really was that seagull guy after all.”

“I have a feeling it was him, too.”

It would be nice and awfully romantic if you had somehow crossed paths long ago with the very seagull who continues to inspire your craft with his own. But even if that isn’t the case, you’re content with having that memory and entrusting it with another boy who has done nothing but lift you up.

You lean yourself gently against the Jungkook’s shoulder as you slip your phone back into your pocket, debating on your next course of action. The two of you should be getting ready for class, but that doesn’t sound very appealing. There are other things you’d much rather be doing, like maybe thanking the boy for lending his ear. But for some reason, it’s still difficult for you to say those two simple words of gratitude.

Perhaps it’s difficult because there’s a lot more you’d say than just “thanks man.”

“Can we just cut class and get coffee instead?” Yes, you’ll thank him for his service by treating him to coffee. Unless…? What if this is just your subtle way of asking the boy out on a date? What if he says no because you’ve already spent way too much time with him in the past 24 hours? What if he hates coffee? What if he-

“We should probably go to class to turn in our project, yeah?” Jungkook brings up a good point. But the thing is, you don’t really have your priorities straight at the moment and your mind has only two things consuming it: coffee and boy. “But we can get coffee after class.”

“Ooh, good, because there’s this one coffee shop I want you to try!” You chirp up despite your nonexistent dose of morning caffeine. “It’ll be my treat as thanks for… letting me hog your bed.”

“Oh right... that,” Jungkook hops to his feet and starts tidying up said bed. You help by picking up and folding all of the blankets. “I nearly froze and fell to my death because of that, you know.”

“I saw,” you bite your lip, trying to mask any naughty thoughts that come to mind. Because next time, if there is in fact a next time, you won’t let the boy freeze.

By the time art class ends, the weight of the dreaded group project has been lifted and your craving for coffee begins to settle in once more. And apparently, the hunger and excitement is radiating off you because someone has the audacity to make a comment about it.

“Why does your face look like that?” Taehyung teases, but you’re mildly offended.

“Because I’m getting coffee from my favorite café. That’s why,” you hiss but there’s still a hidden glow about you and your excitement. “Coffee is to me as girls are to you, Taehyung.”

“Ooh, speaking of girls, do any cute girls work there?” He strokes his wise man beard. “Maybe I’ll tag along.”

“I don’t fucking know.” And even if you did know, you wouldn’t say yes.

“How boring,” he yawns while nudging the boy next to him. “Hey Jungkook, wanna go on a double date with me? I met a pair of gamer girls, but I don’t know all the nerdy gaming stuff that you know. And think about it, this could be the first time you get laid since-”

“Actually, Jungkook’s getting coffee with me,” you interrupt. And if you had been brave enough to look up at the boy as you spoke, you would have seen the healthy pink radiance on his cheeks.

“Oh, so the two of you are dating all of a sudden?” Taehyung nods, as if he had hit the mark.

Neither you or Jungkook give an immediate answer, probably due to the unspoken yet very apparent shift in dynamics between the two of you as of late. Yes, you’ve developed certain feelings for the boy, but no, you aren’t technically “dating.” You just hope he’s on the same page as you.

“It’s just coffee,” you want to say, but it comes out of Jungkook’s mouth instead. And even though you would’ve said the same exact thing, it hits a little different hearing it from him.

At the same time, coffee is coffee and Jungkook is Jungkook. You need to remind yourself that your craving for coffee with the boy will be satisfied, regardless of whether it’s a date or not. After all, “dating” is not an option for an idol who should only be focusing on her music and fans.

“Which drink would you recommend?” Jungkook asks as you lead him in the direction of the café.

“If you like coffee, all of the drinks are good in my humble opinion,” you say, though you realize you should probably give the boy a few specific suggestions to make his decision a little easier. “You can get a standard mocha or latte if you want something simple. Or, their signature hazelnut coffee is really really good. Or if you want something iced, you should try the cold brew because it’s literally the most refreshing dose of caffeine ever. Oh! But if you’re into something more plant-based, I suggest the maple oat-”

“You’re not narrowing down my options if you recommend the entire menu, Y/N,” the boy chuckles at your coffee enthusiast behavior.

“Well, here’s my thought process: if we go at least once a week after class, you can eventually try every drink on the menu by the end of the school year. Not including all the different types of milk options though.”

“I don’t know if I should be impressed or terrified that you even bothered to do that calculation.” His eyes are bigger and brighter than the sun. “But that must mean you really like coffee then, huh?”

“Of course! Is that even a question?” The snobby coffee enthusiast jumped out real quick. But even beyond the coffee, you did the calculation to see how long your little coffee not-dates with the boy could last before you have to return to your idol obligations. “You like coffee too, right?”

“Not really,” he sighs. Your jaw drops. Who the does he think he is? “Are there any tea options? Or like a banana milk or something?”

“You can’t just walk into a coffee shop and not order coffee.” Is this guy for real? No, he’s just fucking with you. Probably. “I better start reevaluating who I hang out with,” you say with a sarcastic hmph.

“I’m kidding, kind of.” He doesn’t do a very good job of reassuring you of that. “I like… coffee.”

“That hesitant pause doesn’t sit well with me, Jeon.” You raise an eyebrow at the suspicious boy. It feels nice to tease him for once. “Why are you grabbing coffee with me if you don’t love it?”

“I just curious about this coffee place,” he nudges you, “since someone seems to really enjoy it.”

So it’s because of you…

“Good to know I’ve successfully peer pressured you into consuming caffeine,” you hum, playing it off as if his words weren’t absorbed right into your heart. It was never about coffee.

It’s about you and him.

The thought of that makes your heart scream a little, so you hide your flustered face behind your phone as the two of you approach the coffee shop. You have an unread text from your manager.

2:35PM jinnie “good news”

2:36PM jinnie “i set up a meeting with jimin and his manager in an hour”

You stop in your tracks. That’s not good news. Well actually, it is good for your top secret collab. But the timing of it all is anything but good.

“Are you searching up the menu online? Oh wait, you already have the entire menu memorized from A to Z.” He thinks he’s funny. Now is not the time, Jeon. His teasing smile doesn’t disappear until the distress is written all over your face.

How do you cancel a not-a-date date without a proper explanation? How can you do that to a boy who has only ever done you right? The thing is, you don’t have to hurt him.

You can cancel the meeting, you can bail out on the collab, you can disappear from the idol world altogether if you choose to do so. And if you didn’t want to go that far, you could instead tell the boy of your deepest and darkest secret, of your idol identity, and he would surely understand your reasons for having to leave so suddenly for work.

You could do any of those things, but you decide not to. You won’t allow yourself to make such a rash decision, even if it’s the right one. So you decide to keep the meeting, you decide to keep your idol self hidden in the shadows, and you decide to abandon the boy.

#bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts imagines #jungkook fanfic #btsboulangerie #jungkook x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #jungkook #bts #bangtan #witch hazel

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strongsassysexysloane · 4 years

Text

Bring your family to work day, it’ll be fun they said.

This came to me one night, have been going back and forth about posting it... youll understand when you get to the end. ;) Warning: The rating gets hotter the longer you read. . . Shall I shamefully suggest not reading this in a public area, not that you should be out and about right now.

. . . .

"So how are you liking the tour so far?" You look across the lunch table at your kid sister.

"It's pretty cool, can we go to the armoury next? Or the morgue?" She jumps up and down on her seat with excitement.

You can't help but roll your eyes. For a barely teenager she is very interested in the harder more gruesome side of your job. Always asking about the dead bodies. "Mum suggested you see a therapist yet?" You laugh and she just pokes out her tongue.

"Funny! I'm just curious, that's all." She bites into her sandwich.

"Planning any murders that I should know about?" You flick through the magazine you found on the table when you sat down. Some trash mag.

"Nothing I'm going to tell you about." You look up to see her smirk and you huff out a laugh. That's when Jack walks in, you smile at each other as she walks past to the refrigerator. "You going to introduce me?"

"You going to be semi polite?" You fire back and hear Jack's laugh from behind your left shoulder. You could pick out that laugh in a crowded, loud room. It always made you smile.

"She carrying?"

"Only my whip smart personality." Jack interjects and you laugh. Your sister, Taylor, just roles her eyes. You feel Jack come up beside you before you can see her. "Agent Jacqueline Sloane and who might you be?" She places one hand on her hip and the other on the back of your chair, you can feel her body heat and it takes everything in you not to lean in closer.

"Taylor L/N, Agents Y/n sister." Talyor shoots out her hand and Jack takes it with a short, firm shake.

"Nice to meet you Taylor. Enjoying your day at NCIS?" The microwave beeps and Jack moves and you instantly miss her closeness, Taylor must notice your change in behaviour and she raises an eyebrow at you.

"Sure am, we are about to go see the armory or morgue." She grins her cheeky, I'm smarter than you are grin.

"I never confirmed that." You shoot at her and take a sip of your coffee.

"You never said no either." Her grin only getting bigger.

"She's got you there." Jack's back, this time taking a seat next to you.

"You're not meant to be helping her, Jack." It almost comes out as a growl as your squint your eyes slightly at your friend.

"Wait, you're Jack?" Taylor eyes beam and you shoot her a warning and shocked glare.

"Okay, time to go. Lunch break is over." It bursts out way to quickly and coolly. Jack looks between you both and her eyes land back on the person she knows she'll get more information out of. Taylor.

"Yes, my friends call me that. Why?" She's got her smirk on her face, the one that you usually find tantalising and sexy but right now it's going to get you killed.

"It's nothing, come on Taylor. Let's leave Agent Sloane to her lunch." You get up and tug on Taylor's shoulder a bit to roughly and she shrugs you off. If only you had your gun.

"I'll come only if we go to the armory or-"

"The morgue, fine, fine. I'll see what Jimmy's up to. Now get your arse up and mouth shut." Taylor does as she is told, almost. Jack is eyeing you suspiciously. She won;t let this go.

"She just mentioned having a huge crush on someone named Jack that she works with." Taylor shoots over her shoulder as you two are almost out of the room. You instantly freeze, not daring to look back at Jack and you look down at Taylor as she walks off.

"I may leave you with Jimmy. Forever." You grumble, still standing in the doorway to the lunch room. You dare to look back at Jack and see she has a huge, smug grin plastered on her face, her eyes dancing over your features. "Now you have nothing to say?"

"Wasn't sure you were talking to Taylor or me when you mentioned Jimmy." Her laughter laced into every word.

"Right. I better go before Taylor starts telling the whole agency about my personal life." You give Jack a small, embarrassed smile and start walking out the door again.

"Want to grab a drink later?" Jack shouts as you are about to round the corner but you don't stop. Too flustered with what's just happened and too embarrassed to check if that was to you or someone else that had just walked into the room.

You catch up with Taylor in the bullpen where she is talking with Ellie.

"So let me call Jimmy first otherwise we can check out the armory if he's got something going on." You huff and sit down at your desk, Taylor has perched herself on the front, looking across at Ellie's desk.

"Wait you're still going to take me there after I completely embarrassed you in front of Jack?" She hops up and turns around to face you, folding her arms.

"Wait what happened?" Ellie pipes up and walks over to you.

"Oh you know that thing I've kept secret for several months now. My sweet little sister here just blurted it out in front of said person in the lunch room for all to hear." You grumble dialling the phone.

"And?" Ellie's trying her best to look concerned, maybe comforting but her smile keeps growing. She;s the one person on the team you;ve confided in over the secret crush on Jack Sloane. She pointed a few things out that was your give away about the crush and you just let it all out to her one night working late on a case.

"And she never answered if she wants to have drinks with me tonight?" Jack appearred at the side of the bullpen behind Ellie. Both women, Ellie and Taylor, spin around to see Jack and just as you were about to say something Jimmy picks up.

"Thank god. Jimmy, is it alright if I bring my big mouthed, annoying sister down for you to traumatise forever?" You look from Jack, to Taylor and down to your phone.

"I mean that's one good offer there y/n so how could I refuse?"

"Thanks Jimmy, we'll be down in a few." You hang up and are confronted again by everyone looking at you. "I-" You can't find the words as you look over at Jack.

"She'd love to." Taylor pipes up and picks up you hand to drag you to the elevator.

"I swear to god." You grind your teeth and whisper so only Taylor can hear.

"You'll thank me later."

"Or kill you." You mumble and the elevator doors ding.

The rest of the afternoon tour dragged on, Jimmy kept Taylor entertained for a good hour or two while you went back up to work. Thankfully there was a tonne of paper work to get done so Ellie didn't mention anything about earlier when the boys came back in from their lunch break. Taylor, messaged you saying Kasie was taking her on a tour of her lab and she would come up when it was time to go. You finished the last report an hour early and decided to bite the bullet, you;d seen Jack walk past the bullpen twice already, knowing she wanted to ask but didn;t want to in front of everyone. Ellie smirked when you got up and you just shook you head when she was about to say something.

"What is going on?" Nick saw your interaction but you were already half way up the stairs to answer him discreetly.

"None of your business, Nick." You heard Ellie reply, thankful she's still keeping your soon to be found out secret still a secret for now. You walk down the corridor to Jack's office and knock quietly waiting for an answer.

"Come in, y/n." It's like she can ready your mind.

"I don;t even want to know how you knew it is me." You smile and close the door behind you.

"Cause the last three guesses were wrong." You both luagh and you take a seat in the chair across from her desk. "So about-"

"Yeah look, I didn't handle that well. Obviously." You sigh and look up at the ceiling. "Don't feel obligated or anything, I-"

"Have you eve known me to do something I didn't want to do?" You eyes snap back to hers and you see comfort there, maybe even nerves.

You shake your head. "No, so drinks?" a smile starts to curve your lips and your stomach feels like its full of butterflies all over again.

"Think that's what I said." Her sass is back and you can't help but laugh. "No Taylor though."

"Definitely not. I'll drop her off at home and meet you at Danny's around 1800? We can grab some dinner as well if you like?" Jack nods and you get up to leave. "This is a date right?" You turn around just as you reached the door. Jack's already up and closing the distance between you, she stops about a metre short.

"Think that's what the kids are calling it these days." She laughs and you just shake your head with a sigh.

"I need a drink." You murmur and walk out the door.

"I'll buy you a few later." Jack shouts down the hall before she closes her door.

On queue, Taylor arrives at your desk just as you're walking back down from Jack's office and she has a big grin on her face. You motion to her to keep her mouth shut and she just nods. You start packing up your desk.

"Reports done boss, alright if I take Taylor home now?" You look over to Gibbs and he nods.

"Have fun today Taylor?" Gibbs smiles over at your sister.

"A lot, thank you."

"Oh sure, be a nice polite, angel to him."

"He's actually carrying a gun, sis." Everyone laughs and you just shake your head.

"Yeah because the water pistol I just strapped to my side is just for show." You roll your eyes.

"Give it a few more years and I'll want to see an application, ok kid?" Gibbs nods at Taylor.

"Not sure about that Agent Gibbs but thank you. Watch my sisters back out there." You look at her wide eyed. It's probably the first time you've actually heard concern in her voice and her to worry about you and your job.

"Always do." He smiles and gives you a look.

"Alright. Enough emotions for today. Lets go." You wrap your arm around her shoulders and walk to the elevator. "Didn't know you were so worried about me kid?"

"Always am, but someone's gotta tell the mad guys where to shove it." You both laugh and step into the elevator. "You make a time with Jack?" She asks as the door close in front of you.

"Yep, going home to get changed and then going out for drinks and a meal at Danny's."

"Danny's? Really?" You can hear the disgust in her voice.

"Yeah it's where we usually go for work drinks, she likes it. Why?" It's the Agent's local watering hole and when you suggested it you didn't really think too much of it being an official date, date. Now that Taylor's questioning it, you think about reconsidering.

"Seems a bit, dingy for a first date but whatever you are comfortable with."

"Think I should call her and ask if she wants to go somewhere else?" Not the panic is starting to rise, dam Taylor.

"No, it's fine. Don't worry, geez. Be chill. She seems to really like you." The elevator doors open to the lobby and you walk out.

"You met her for like two seconds."

"She came down when Kasie was working on something and showing me stuff. We chatted." She laughs as your face obviously goes bright red with shock. "I only answered what she wanted to know." Taylor puts her hands up in like a surrender position as you unlock your car.

"And what did she want to know?" You mind flashes back to your interaction with Jack in her office, it must've been after she went to see Kasie. The drive home in filled with everything Taylor said to Jack and what she noticed. Thankfully nothing embarrassing was said, Jack just asking what your likes and dislikes are, Taylor giving Jack an interrogation into what her intentions are and you groaned at that.

Taylor didn't let you drop her back home first. She wanted to help you with your outfit. So you drove back to your apartment and Taylor made you feel like your wardrobe needs a massive over haul. Thankfully you eventually decided on burgondy ankle laced boots with black skinny jeans and a deep red blouse to finish. You add on your classic leather jacket and run Taylor out the door because you're running late.

"Have fun." Taylor winks as she closes the door and you watch her walk up the driveway and into the house before you drive off. The ride to Danny's is filled with nerves and they don't fade as you pull into the parking lot. Jack's car is parked further down and you feel relieved she's here first. Checking your face in the rear view mirror you hop out and head into the bar.

"Hey stranger." You smile, hopefully you aren't as flushed as you feel and Jack smiles up at you.

"Oh hey." She gets up and leans in for a hug, something you've both done numerous times before but this time is feels different. "You look very nice." You catch her eyes give you a once over before you sit down. She had picked a table towards the back of the bar, its a small four seater but instead of sitting across from her, like you probably should have, your body sits in the seat closer to her.

"Not too bad yourself." You smirk and you catch her eyebrow raise before you turn your attention to the drinks menu.

"Didn't get a chance to go home unlike you." She knocks her knee against yours.

"Oh, I noticed." You wink at her, unsure what's gotten into you in the last few minutes but you're glad your mouth is more confident that your body feels.

The drinks menu takes your full attention for the next minute before a waitress comes over, you hear her and Jack chat for a bit before you look up to order. If this wasn't a date or something of that nature you probably wouldn't have noticed the way the woman hung around Jack and kept overly smiling at her. But considering this is a date, any person that looked at Jack was going to grind on your nerves.

"How's the drink menu looking?" Jack thankfully noticed when you looked up and smiled over at you, relieving some of that growing jealousy that was brewing. What surprised you was the hand that she placed gently on your knee. Clearly she'd seen the emotions in your eyes and the waitress noticed the hand under the table.

"I'll have a (your favourite drink) thank you." You give the waitress a polite smile and look back over at Jack.

"Want to grab food yet?"

"I'm good if you are." The hint that you want to drag this on longer made Jack smile wider and you couldn't help but do the same.

"In that case I'll get another one of these." Jack brings up her glass to her lips and nods at the waitress. She takes the hint.

"I'll be back with the drinks." You expect when the waitress walks away that Jack's hand will retreat but it doesn't at least not right away.

"How was your day with Taylor?" To your surprise the conversation is easy, you chat like when the team goes out for drinks except this time in glaringly obvious it's just you and her. You get to spend more time watching her and you expect she;s doing the same. Her hand eventually moves from your knee but then she touches your wrist, your forearm. It's like a branding iron to your skin every time she touches you but she doesn't notice, the action so simple.

The night flows on, you're a few drinks in now, your brain getting fuzzier each sip you take but the food comes out which takes a bit of the edge off. You eat in mostly silence, looking at the TV thats on above the bar and sneaking peaks at Jack who catches you on more than one occasion. Soon the food is gone and Jack's hand is back on your knee, well more like mid thigh. You hold in a groan as she moves her hand millimetres higher.

"So, do you want another drink?" She asks after a few beats of silence.

You look down at your glass, you havent touched it in a while, her hand too distracting to think or do anything else. "Sure, I'll get the next round." You give her a lazy smile that you hope came off as cute. Her hand gently squeezes your thigh before letting go and getting up.

"Deal." She winks and starts walking to the bar.

"Fuck me." You sigh, possibly a bit too loudly but don't notice the falter in Jack's step as she walks up to the bar. Your eyes are on the ceiling, trying to regain some composure as your thigh all of a sudden feels cold.

It doesn't take Jack long at the bar, it's middle of the week so only a few locals are still left. She places your new drink in front of you and sits back down. You notice a spark in her eye that wasn't there when she left. "So what was that about me fucking you?"

The drink that was in your mouth is now sprayed out across the table and thankfully Jack is laughing at your expense because your face has just gone bright red. "You weren't meant to hear that." You wipe your mouth with a serviette and want the floor to swallow you up whole.

"I hear everything, you know that." Her hand runs up your thigh again, this time sitting slightly higher and you realise for the first time tonight she is fully aware of her actions.

"I sure do. So what about those questions you asked my sister today?" You smirked when Jack's face fell and she knew you'd caught her.

"Wow, Taylor really doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut." Jack takes a swig of her drink.

"Yeah because when you first met her she displayed all the trustworthiness that you thought she'd keep your conversation a secret?" Said with a note of obvious sarcasm.

Jack laughs. "Point taken. That ok?" Her cockiness from earlier is stripped away, she's genuinely asking.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Ok, only im allowed to answer a question with a question."

"Says who?" You get a pinch to the thigh for that but it's totally worth it.

"So you going to finish that drink anytime soon?" Jack looks at the drink you've been swirling in your hand for the past few minutes.

"Maybe, why? We going somewhere?" You smile, the spark lighting in Jack's eyes, her hand placing slightly more pressure on your thigh and you swallow.

Jack leans in slightly. "Well you did make a very good suggestion earlier." It's a whisper which makes you lean in closer.

"What-" You cut yourself short when you look into her eyes, those golden orbs that have all of a sudden gone whiskey brown. You reach down and grab Jack's hand. You both laugh as you get up and you catch the waitress's eye. "Thanks for a good night, ours is about to get a lot better." You throw a few large bills on the table that should cover the nights intake. Jack slaps you on the shoulder with her spare hand as you walk out the door.

"That was petty." There's laughter in her voice.

"Maybe but I wanted to poke her eyes out the way she was looking at you." So the alcohol had definitely gone to your head.

"Someone's possessive."

"That ok?" Jack pulls you by the hand and you tumble into her. Her hand coming up to cup your cheek while the other one is laced in yours. She doesn't say anything, just captures your lips with hers, your free hand grasping at her waist. Her tongue runs along your bottom lip and you grant her access, her tongue gliding along yours at first before she lets go of your hand and her fingers dig into your hair, she takes control, its smooth, fast and spine tingling.

"Guess it was ok." You mumble against her lips as you pull apart far enough to catch your breath.

She laughs and grabs your wrist, tugging you in the direction of a cab thats just pulled up. You slide into the seat beside her, she gives the driver your address and you don't even comment. Her hand still in yours.

"Having a good night ladies?" He looks at you both through the rearview mirror.

"Absolutely." You smile at him and then look over at Jack who is looking out the window. The street lights flying by lighting up her face. The ride to yours is quick, you think for a second that's why she's chosen your place instead of hers and hope that you're right. You quickly pay the driver before Jack reaches for her wallet and hop out the car.

"Have good night." He chuckles, obviously noticing how close you two have been.

Jack follows you up to your apartment on the second floor. You push open the door after a little struggle because she has her arms wrapped around you and it kissing the back of your neck.

"That took you a while..." She hums.

"I wonder why." You drawl and chuck your keys on the table as you walk in, shucking off your jacket and placing it on the chair by the couch, Jack does the same and then turns her attention back to you. "How drunk are you?" It had to be asked. You couldn't go any further thinking she'd sneak out of bed half way through the night and you wouldn't discuss this night ever again.

Jack closes the gap between you. "Enough to know I couldn't drive but not enough to forget about this in the morning when I wake up beside you and do it all over again." She's so smooth and you hope it isn't just the alcohol talking. "You?" Her hands snake around your middle, pulling you closer.

"Enough to question this before going through with it." You drop your lips to hers. Your hand finally getting to thread through her hair and pull her closer. She moans and it eggs you on, you slide your tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss and walking her backwards towards what you hope is your couch. Her knees bump against the couch and she falls back into it and you laugh at her giggles. You follow her down, but she quickly flips you over onto your back and you moan as she kisses down your jawline and neck. Her hands skimming under your top, your hands start roaming and find the hem of her top. She stills, breaking her kiss against your neck which you know it going to leave a mark. "Jack.." You whisper and she kisses your lips, you can tell she trying extra hard to distract your hands and it almost works. Your hands coming up to her neck and putting pressure to make her pull back. "I know."

"Then you know why I don't want to take me shirt off." Its more clipped and final than you expected. You bring her face back down to yours and kiss her forehead. This action you can tell mellows her again.

"I won't pressure you but I wouldn't be in this position right now if I didn't want all of you. Every scar, sassy comment and wrinkle." You get a smack to the shoulder for the last word and it works.

"I don't have-" You shut her up with a kiss and her body melts into yours, you slowly move your hands down her back and rest on her butt for a while before testing her shirt again. She breaks the kiss and sits up so she's straddling you. You watch as she crosses her arms and brings her blouse up and off. Your hands automatically run up her sides and back down, resting comfortably at her waist.

You sit up and she leans down to meet your lips half way, the kiss is full of all the emotion that neither of you can say. She reaches down and runs her hnads under your top, you gasp at the contact and it breaks the kiss. She tugs at the hem of your shirt and you take the hint, raising your arms above your head and she pulls the blouse over your head. "Better?" You bring your arms back down as you throws your blouse somewhere on the floor.

"Only seems fair." She smirks, the fire lighting up her eyes again. You lay back down, bringing Jack with you, she places her hands either side of your head but you pull her closer making her fall and rest her full body wait on you. "You ok?" She asks.

"Perfect. You?" You whisper against her lips, brushing yours over hers waiting for her answer.

"I will be if you kiss me." She smiles and you kiss it away, drawing a moan from deep within her. Nothing more is said, you run your hands down her back, tracing her scars but not lingering feeling her tense under your touch and you cup her ass, she bucks in at the touch and you groan. Her body weight still not enough to calm the fire that is growing between your legs. Like she's read your mind she breaks the kiss and starts a trail of wet, open mouthed kisses down your neck, to your breast, sucking your nipple between her teeth and doing the same to the other one before continuing her assault further south.

"Jack.." You try to say something but her fingers are undoing your jeans and she's peeling them off you before you can say no.

"I can stop if you want." She smirks, standing up and your flick off your jeans with your feet and she drags your panties along with them before hopping back on the couch.

"Bedroom." You breath and she nods. You take her hand and lead her down the hall, flicking on your bedside lamp before turning to find her raking over your body. "Take your clothes off now."

"So bossy." She pouts and you suck her bottom lip between yours and quickly kiss her before running your hands down her sides and stripping her pants and panties in the process. You're on your knees in front of her and you lean in. "y/n" She hisses as you kiss her pussy, running your tongue over her clit, you feel her legs shake and your hands come up behind her knees, holding the back of her thighs, stabilising her. You tongue stroking her, her moans only spurring you on. "I'm going to." You use your hands to pull her legs slightly apart to gain better access and you let one hand drop and slip a finger inside her, her muscles instantly clenching around you. "Jesus." She hisses.

You moan and it sends shock waves through her, you bite down on her clit and she comes apart around you. You moan, sucking on her clit and coaxing her through her orgasm. You feel her hand pull at your hair but you don't move. Swiping your tongue over her clit a few more times before she really tugs you up. "I-" You are cut short by Jack crushing her lips to yours and tugging you back and you fall onto your bed. You shift up the bed and watch her climb up above you.

"You enjoy yourself?" She looks down at you, her eyes still glazed with desire.

You lick your lips, the taste of her still there and her eyes dart to where your tongue just was. "I can do it again if you'd like?"

"I would but right now, I want to taste you." You groan at her sultry words and she moves back down the bed. You watch her every move, her eyes boaring wholes in yours as she leans down and licks over your centre. Your whole body bucks, her hands come up to hold your hips still and she repeats the action over and over and over. She slips two fingers inside you, slowly stroking you while her lips suck your clit and your whole body convulses. You can't help but close your eyes, her hand moves up your body to grasp your breast, flicking your nipple between her thumb and forefinger. You moan, her fingers working you closer and closer.

"Jacqueline." You breath and she picks up the pace, biting slightly at your clit and you come. "Fuck." You swear as you collapse around her, all of her strokes, touches are too much, you wanted to hold on, to savour the feeling but she's too skilled, her fingers working you through your high and her tongue stroking over your clit. Your world crashes down around you and your breathing starts to even out before she pulls herself up the bed. That smug, sexy smile planted on her face.

"Think that was successful." She bites your earlobe, her tongue running over the sentitive spot. You groan and she rises above you again with that smug lustful look.

"Shut up." You pull her down to you and kiss the smug smile off her face. Her body giving in and molding into yours. You kiss each other lazily, both exhausted and sated from sex. It feels like hours until you pull the covers up, covering you both as you feel Jack start to shiver.

"Remind me to thank Taylor the next time I see her." The mention of your sister instantly killing the growing ache between your legs again.

"Don't give her all the credit." You feel her laugh, the movement of her body against yours sending tingles up your spine. Jack kisses your neck, nuzzling into you more.

"She gets some." Her arm draped across your waist tugs slightly. You just hum in reply and wrap your arms tighter around her waist, one of your hands absentmindedly tracing her scars. "Doesn't feel painful under your touch." Your heart melts.

"I'm glad." You swallow hard and drop a kiss to her head. Sleep calling you both and you hope that the morning will just be as easy as how this feels right now.

. . .

So yeah, I have no excuse for how this ended :D *awkwardly walks away, smirking to myself* I will be updating my other story soon.

#jack sloane #jack sloane x reader #fanfic

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svtegg · 4 years

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sebongies and the taeyeon songs they remind me of:

seungcheol: gravity. gravity is about finding solace, finding something to hold on to even through the hardest of storms. i firmly believe seungcheol has had to learn this the hard way, and because of this gravity reminds me so much of him. ive also personally found such a warm and safe place in the group he has lead and fronted to where they are today. he will never know how much strength i’ve gained from him, how much he has been the gravity pulling me back down to earth in those especially hard times. the song also has this hopeful and nostalgic feel, which i feels fits him. it sounds sort of like an anthem for us hopeless introverted romantics that find solace in the small gestures of affection and love. just saying i would also die for seungkwan to cover this song.

jeonghan: i am all ears. i feel like jeonghan is definitely seventeens anchor. he grounds them and guides them, in a way much different from how seungcheol does. cheol is their leader, their frontman and main man. jeonghan works the sidelines. he knows all the members inside out, easily knows all the little details about the other 12 boys, what their favorite food is or what snacks they like, what their habits are and what gets them the most frustrated. it’s a silent type of support, almost like a parent or an older sibling or relative. that silent looking out for your friends that’s almost not noticed. just like this song he’s a comforting presence in svt that always offers a hand to hold, a ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on anytime of day or night while still keeping everything lighthearted and honest. this song is actually one of my most beloved songs, the lyrics and the melody is just so comforting and i feel so safe when i listen to it and i feel that’s the kind of feeling jeonghan gives off too..

joshua: 11:11. now this song is probably my all time favorite kpop songs. period. the whole vibe of the song just screams joshua to me. the simple guitar instrumental, the plucking line, the soft percussion in the background and the effortless yet beautiful vocals that softly blends in with all the other elements. it’s a simple and beautiful song, the lyrics reflecting sadness for missing and happiness for experiencing the past, which i feel is such a joshua thing to say.. i might be over analyzing him with this though, and to be honest most of the reason why i chose this song for josh is because i want to hear him sing it, it just fits him so perfectly. a slow, simple and soft track with some sweet guitar and bittersweet lyrics sung in a soft and breathy voice. it’s just so him!!

jun: time lapse. time lapse is easily one of my favorite taeyeon songs. it holds this childish and naive undertone with such serious and beautiful lyrics about growing up and realizing life maybe isn’t what you once thought, yet still seeing the beauty in everything you’ve experienced throughout your life, and despite the hardships and the traumas you’re still able to move forward and try again. i feel like it reflects junhuis personality very well. he’s a very reflective, thoughtful, headstrong, stubborn and smart person, yet he manages to keep this amazing and childish happiness and naiveness to him that i hope he never ever looses.

soonyoung: find me. find me is such a strong song, conveying a message of making your own path, flyging as high as your wings will take you and youll find what youre looking for. it’s a little ambitious, very headstrong and fierce. even though soonyoung may not be precieved as the most fierce or ambitious member, i feel like he’s definitely one of the few in seventeen who has the most self discipline, the most ambitious ideas, the most headstrong mindset and definitely a fierce working ethic. he definitely has his insecurities, as we all do, and this song is almost like a self reassuring anthem telling yourself that no matter what you’ll be fine as long as you keep going forward. which i feel very much reflects him and his values as a person.

wonwoo: city love. i feel like wonwoo is 100% a hopeless romantic at heart. at the same time he’s very simplistic and almost brutally realistic, and i feel like i could definitely connect with him on that..despite this i still imagine that he has this very special ability to see beauty in ordinary everyday objects and things. like the reflections of lights in a puddle or the way the morning fog wraps along the tallest skyscrapers. which is exactly what city love is about. the line; “To me, the things that were meaningless before meeting you, Become new every day” gives me major wonu energy.

jihoon: feel so fine. this song i picked out just because of the lyrics. it’s obviously a beautiful song in itself, but i feel the lyrics hit especially as a song that maybe reflects a bit of the inner conflicts jihoon has endured and learned from. it starts out a little helpless, wondering how you got to this place, what happened, why can’t i be the way i wish i was and then later realizing you’re okay, you’re fine and realizing you’re living in the world you once only dreamed of. i feel especially because of how jihoon opened up about how he felt responsible for seventeens success, he felt accountable for whether or not seventeen would be a hit, if they would make it or not. and now he’s produced a three times platinum, critically acclaimed, award winning, bonsang awarded album. look at you now jihoon, look how high you’re flying. (he also mentioned in hit the road that he no longer feels this obligation and i think that is because of the growth he and the rest for the guys have experienced through these 5 years)

minghao: wine. minghao has this quality about him. he just seems like he’s experienced the world before. he’s an old soul, poetic to an extent yet such a realist. and this song is about loving the memories of a painful love and despite the hardships realizing the beauty of heartbreak. it’s poetically and beautifully heartbreaking, which i feel reflects minghao very well. especially the way taeyeon sings ‘my vintage love’ over and over and the entire feeling in the track..it’s just very minghao. idk how to explain it

mingyu: do you love me. this pick has nothing to do with lyrics, which is kinda funny because this is one of the first kind of cliche love songs on the list i think. the biggest reason why i picked this is because i feel like mingyu would actually enjoy listening to this song, i feel like it’s very mingyu-esque. a soft jazzy ballad with sweet lyrics and gorgeous backup vocals. the lyrics of course coincidentally also convey a message of a newly fallen in love person who hopes the other also feels the same way. which is such a puppylove type song, so much to the point that it makes chills run down my back in excitement. just the feeling you get when you’re newly in love i guess....

seokmin: fire. this may get some of the sonecarats out there confused. because fire is such a heartbreakingly sad song. it’s mostly about a love that’s not good for you. a fire eating you up from the inside and leaving nothing but ash. about feeling alone. but i honestly believe seokmin is one of the boys in seventeen with the most worries, the most internal pushes and pulls. i definitely feel like seokmin is a person who feels his emotions very strongly no matter if they’re happy or sad. i also honestly believe he is his own worst critic, and i wish for nothing else than for him to realize the immense talent and charisma he holds, how much of a fire he is on the outside. how much he shines and how far his warmth reaches. he’s such a star.

vernon: curtain call. this is probably one of taeyeons songs i feel is the most neutral in the feeling it gives me. it has a sort of happy yet sad quality that is kinda hard to come across. i feel like this song is mostly about being okay with how things have turned out, to say goodbye with a smile and remember the good times. and then when we meet again we’ll prepare to smile again. it’s a very calm, reflected and reasonable song which i feel is some of the core personality traits vernon possesses. i don’t think he’s neutral in the sense that he doesn’t feel things, he’s just a person who makes every situation the best it can be, which i think is in all honestly a great way to live.

seungkwan: here i am. this song is so incredibly heartbreaking. it explains the difficulty in showing your true self, masking your real feelings with happiness, smiles and laughs. being afraid of being vulnerable, yet knowing your true raw unfiltered self is just as beautiful and strong as the ideal self you show to everyone. i think seungkwan has definitely had some inner conflict with being labeled the funny one, the mood maker and the jokester of the group. there’s no way that’s not been a chip on his shoulder sometimes, and i think he’s definitely fallen more comfortably now as he’s started to grow to be more secure of himself. i hope he knows just how much carats love every side of him, not just the funny mood maker but also the seungkwan that talks about his mom and cries and the seungkwan that explains his feelings and gets angry and frustrated, the insecure and the tired. everything.

chan: i’m ok. this song is about fighting back, not taking any bullshit. giving back exactly what you got. just ignoring all the people wasting your time and following your dreams and believing in yourself to the fullest. i feel especially this line is full of lee chan energy:

“This ambiguous and lukewarm something. I don’t like playing games of push and pull. No thanks baby”..

it’s also a very sexy and powerful song, i feel like despite this technically being a pop ballad, if jihoon just remixed it slightly and chan maybe wrote a little rap verse for one of the verses it could easily have been a chan solo song, with such a strong and stand-alone type message it fits his personality perfectly. i definitely feel like chan is one of the people in the group who has full awareness of his abilities and how far he can push said abilities. he doesn’t bullshit when it really comes down to it.

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shhh-no-ones-home · 4 years

Text

no distractions* chris motionless x reader

+++++++++

i feel like i was hyping this up so hard lol. this is what i was talking about yesterday and didnt even get a chance to write more than like the first three sentences when my family was over. it is supes on brand for me to write this shit at a family gathering tho, that part was true. i was so busy though. oh well, i still got it done and i hope you all like it ;)

* - First time? more or less. its explained just read it lol

Song: too afraid to love you by the black keys

tag list: @thisplace-ishaunted @ryansitkowskiswifey @alilpunkrock @theoneandonlykymberlee @cynic-spirit +++++++++

I sat on the couch and played with Chris's hair as a movie played on his TV. He was super into it and I enjoyed watching him have a good time. we spent a lot of evenings like this, just chilling with each other. It was comfortable. He looked at me and smiled, a gesture I gladly returned. He leaned forward and kissed me gently.

"you enjoying yourself?"

i nodded.

"yeah, are you?"

he kissed me again.

"now that youre here i am."

i laughed at him, knowing he could see the blush creeping its way to my face. we'd only been dating a few months but it felt like a life time. he took my hand in his and kissed me again, a little more passionate this time. i hummed in response and kissed him back. we continued back and forth and soon, with more kisses, we ended in a heated make out session. often our nights ended like that; watch a movie together, make out for a bit, and cuddle until the movie ended and i went home. this felt a little different though and i was nervous. he held me close to him, pulling me to straddle his lap as he shoved his tongue in my mouth. he moaned into me as i tugged at the ends of his hair and he pulled away, hands roaming my body as his mouth traveled down my neck. i felt his hand slowly slide under my shirt, to the small of my back and i freaked. i sat back away from him, hands placed firmly against his chest.

"do you want tea? im feeling tea."

i stood up and heard him sigh as i walked into the kitchen. i felt bad, really i did. chris and i hadnt slept together yet and as a matter of fact i hadnt slept with anyone. i was so worried of what he would think of me every time we got close i would do something else instead. like right now. i didnt want tea, i wanted to sleep with my boyfriend. but i was so damn scared. i leaned against the counter after getting two mugs down and waited for the water to heat up. then chris walked in and i could see his reflection in the window above the sink.

"baby is something wrong?"

i stood upright and faced him.

"No, why would something be wrong?"

he walked slowly to me, placing his hands gently on my waist.

"i dont know i just feel like youre not as into me as you seem."

i let out a nervous laugh.

"why would you say that?"

he shrugged.

"i dont know, i guess your body language. every time we make out and even get close to going further you just leave. and i love you, i really do, and i would never want to push you to do something you didnt want to do, but i feel like you dont want me."

he looked so sad. god i should have told him the first time he tried. i frowned.

"thats not it at all chris, i promise."

i looked down and took his hands off my waist to hold them.

"i have something to tell you."

i looked up at him and he was staring intently at me.

"ive never been to bed with anyone. like ever. and i always leave when we get close cause im scared. im scared of myself and im scared of what youll think of me during and after."

he looked a little relieved and i watched as a smile slowly crept to his face. he leaned down and kissed me gently. when he pulled away he pushed my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear.

"why didnt you tell me sooner? i want you to be comfortable with me and if that means not sleeping together thats perfectly fine. i wouldnt have kept trying if i wouldve known you didnt want to."

i let his hands go and wrapped him in a tight hug. i sighed in relief, feeling him pet my hair.

"yeah but i do want to."

i pulled away from him.

"i know youve seen what ive got at home, so obviously im seasoned and not worried about what its gonna feel like."

he let out a nervous laugh.

"yeah i guess that didnt really help my own insecurities."

i tried to offer a small smile.

"sorry about that by the way."

he shook his head.

"its fine, lets go back to you wanting it?"

i laughed a little.

"right, i do, i want you. i want to be able to share that with you but like i said im scared. i know me, and i also know i want everything to be perfect and im so afraid of the awkward moments and just i guess being vulnerable in front of someone that i care about."

he ran his hand through my hair a few times.

"thats the whole point though. i love you and i would never judge you on anything like that, i know my game isnt exactly perfect. this should be a moment we share and experience and figure out together. and i want you to know that we can take it as far as your comfortable with."

i nodded and fiddled with his fingers.

"youre right."

i looked up at him and he raised a brow.

"i want to do this with you."

i swallowed hard before taking his one hand and pulling him down the hall to his room.

"and youre sure about this?"

i nodded.

"yeah, i am one hundred percent ready."

I swallowed hard.

"i think."

we both laughed a little as we entered his room. i turned around, taking his other hand in mine too and walking backwards into his bed.

"we'll only do what you want, we've just gotta talk to each other."

he sat down on the edge of the bed next to me and i kissed him gently.

"thank you for understanding chris. it really means a lot."

he kissed me just as gently.

"of course baby."

I leaned in and kissed him again and again until we were back to our heated make out session. He pushed me up the bed, our mouths moving slowly against each other as he crawled up over me. He was knelt between my legs, shoving his thigh into me. He moaned into my mouth as I ground my hips down onto his leg. He pulled away from me and looked between my eyes.

"What do you want to do first?"

I smirked at him and pulled at his shirt.

"First I think we should get rid of this."

He smiled at me as I slowly slid it up his torso and off of him. I kissed him deeply before pushing him off of me and onto the bed. He raised a brow at me as I knelt over him, pushing my hips down onto his.

"Is this fine?"

I asked, unsure at first but he nodded quickly at me.

"Yeah this is great."

I smiled at him.

"Great."

I ran my fingers through his hair and watched him as he closed his eyes and sighed in pleasure. I started slowly kissing down his neck, dragging my fingers lightly down his chest. When I got to his jeans I popped the button and looked up at him. He had a small smile on his face.

"Can I take this off?"

He asked, playing with the hem of my shirt. I nodded slowly.

"Yeah."

He pushed it up slowly, running his fingers lightly over my skin as he did so until it was off. He sat and admired me before sitting up and hugging me to him. His hands were both firmly placed on my back as he looked up at me.

"You're beautiful."

He said lowly and I smiled down at him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and kissing him.

"So are you."

He smiled at me and I felt him start to unclip my bra. I pushed my hips down onto him as he slid it off my arms.

"Damn."

He breathed out and I laughed.

"Thanks."

He had a lazy smile in his face, placing his hands gently on my hips. I sat up and moved down the bed a little bit, seeing him pout at the loss of contact.

"Pants off?"

I asked and he nodded, lifting himself up and sliding them off as well as his underwear. I bit my lip as I watched him toss them to the floor. He was already hard for me and I was kind of excited now. I looked up to his face only to be met with a wicked smirk.

"You like what you see?"

I nodded slowly, sliding my hands to my own waist band.

"My turn?"

He nodded.

"If you want."

I slowly undid my pants, trying to tease him. I pushed my pants down my thighs first, showing him the red panties I had on. He watched me intently as I stood up on the bed and dropped my pants, kicking them to the floor. I slid my thumb into the waistband of my panties and he reached out for me.

"May I?"

He asked with pleading eyes. I nodded and stepped over him, one leg on either side of him. I looked down at him as he ran his hands slowly up my thighs, grabbing the waistband of my panties and sliding them down just as slowly. He breathed deeply as I stepped out of them.

"Absolutely beautiful."

He looked up at me as he kissed the inside of my thigh. I hummed in response before dropping to my knees on top of him. I kissed him deeply.

"I love you Chris."

He ran his fingers lightly up my arm.

"I love you too y/n."

I placed my hands gently on his shoulders.

"I've always wanted to try this."

I bit my lip again.

"I know it's my first time but can I ride you?"

He nodded, a wide smile making its way to his features.

"If you want to, yeah. I'd love that."

I readjusted myself on top of him, both of us looking down as he lined himself up at my entrance. I sighed out as I sank down onto him. I paused for a second, looking at him to see if that was okay and his eyes were closed.

"Is that alright?"

He half opened his eyes and squeezed my hips.

"Yeah, more than alright."

I nodded, lifting myself up and dropping back down onto him.

"Can you guide me?"

He smiled at me.

"Of course baby."

He grip on my hips got a little tighter as I raised and dropped again, rocking my hips into him. We watched each other intently as I moved. I moved a little quicker, running my one hand down his arm. I looked down, seeing his breathing getting heavier and his stomach rising and falling quickly. I looked back to his face and his eyes were closed again. He was mumbling something under his breath that I couldn't quite hear. He dug his finger tips into my sides as he dropped his head back against the headboard.

"Fuck."

He breathed out.

"Are you sure this is your first time?"

I laughed a little as I kept moving against him. He half opened his eyes to look at me.

"Yeah baby."

He groaned and closed his eyes again. I reached down and started circling my clit, I wasn't getting anywhere fast and figured he probably wouldn't last much longer. I moaned loudly at the feeling, closing my eyes too. As I moved my hand I felt him sit up, hugging around my waist and kissing across my neck and chest.

"Fuck Chris I'm close."

He moaned against my neck.

"Me too."

He ran his hand slowly down my back before squeezed my ass. I pushed myself down onto him one last time, feeling my orgasm spread through me like a wildfire.

"Chris!"

I called as I shook on top of him, still pressing my fingers against my clit. He dropped one hand to the bed and pushed in and out of me a few times before grunting as he came too. When my body calmed down I opened my eyes and dropped my head to rest on his shoulder. We were both breathing heavily as we held onto each other. I sat up and looked at him.

"Thanks."

He looked at me for a second before we both laughed a little bit. I sat up fully, pulling him out of me and kneeling back down onto his lap.

"Did you have a good time?"

He asked as I wrapped my arms back around his shoulders, hugging him to me.

"I had a wonderful time."

I said, kissing his cheek and actually hugging him. He held me tightly, our sweaty bodies pressed together.

"I'm glad."

I hummed in response.

"Yeah, me too."

He scratched my back lightly.

"Does this mean you'll actually spend the night now?"

I laughed a little and sat back away from him. I kissed him gently.

"I'd love to spend the night with you."

He grinned at me widely.

"I'd love that too."

#wattpad #x reader #smut #chris motionless #chris cerulli #miw #one shots #imagines #unedited #176

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pathos-logical · 5 years

Text

One Picture, a Thousand Words

Roman is a wonder that cannot be put to words, Logan a marvel that ink cannot capture. They try anyway.

Hoo, this sure was a labor of love! Love because I love @bleepblopbloop56 with all my heart and labor because HOLY HECK WAS THIS HARD TO WRITE. But never mind any of that, because HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my friend!!! I absolutely adore you, and I hope your year is as fantastic as you are!!!

Trigger warnings: Food mention; a joking mention of hallucinations. I think that’s it, but please tell me if I need to add something!!

There are a thousand words Logan could use to describe Roman. He would pull a Shakespeare and invent a thousand more if it meant finding a word that could accurately chronicle the tapestry of Roman, all colorful patches and carefully stitched seams. But Logan is no artist, and his words seem an inadequate medium.

Beautiful, he thinks and immediately discards. That is too obvious, the truth of it plain to see. Lovely is- better. More intimate. But too soft, perhaps, for Roman’s flame-edged hair, the bronze of his skin and the steel in his spine.

He has tried countless words, none of them quite right. Larger-than-life. (And no, his charisma and magnetic smile absolutely did not excuse the way he didn’t seem to know how to shut up.) Captivating. (Roman did have a way with words, when he wasn’t being an idiot.) Extraordinary. (He was quite the artist and actor.) Brilliant. (Again, Roman was rather intelligent when it came down to it.) Perfect. (Technically impossible. But.)

All those words he longs to say, not one spoken aloud.

(Or- once. Alone in his room, he had tried the shape of mine on his mouth, thought about how it tasted on his lips and imagined the look in Roman’s eyes if he ever dared to say it in front of him. Once, and never again.)

Oh, he wishes. But Logan has always been better with words on the page than to other people.

Well, he thinks, looking down at the piece of paper in his hands, I suppose that’s what this is for. His eyes rove over the paper, skimming over phrases without really taking them in. If he reads it he’ll try to fix it, and at this point there’s too much of his heart in the words for him to change them.

He looks at the last paragraph. It’s the kind of declaration he sneers at in the romance novels Roman so adores, the kind of thing he would’ve sneered at barely years ago. But Roman always did have a way of making him question things he’d taken for postulates- himself included.

I tried, over the course of this letter, to pin down what exactly about you has drawn me so irrevocably into your orbit and left me floundering in unfamiliar space. However, as the length of this might indicate, I soon discovered that I could not.

You know me. It is very rare that I find myself lost for words. But I find myself unable to find the correct words to describe you, or even the correct words. Not because I have run out of things to say, or even because you have left me speechless, but because I could use a whole dictionary of love letters and fail to find the words that capture the way your eyes shine in the light when you laugh at your own jokes, and all the cliches in the world cannot express how I feel about every mundane, breathtaking thing about you.

But despite all that, I have three words for you, Roman, and I suppose there is no better day to deliver them than today (as of the day you receive this, at least).

I love you.

Roman has a sketchbook no one but him has ever seen.

The drawings are all in pencil, and Roman aches to paint them, to mix his colors until he finds shades that will truly bring them to life. But Logan is a peculiar kind of monochrome, with his navy hair and black polo shirts and countless blue ties, and Roman fears that no amount of paint could do that justice.

It’s undeniable that the warm brown of Logan’s eyes is a color he itches to find in a colored pencil, that the almond of his skin is one he longs to see redden at his touch. But those aren’t the things he really wants to capture when he puts pencil to paper anyway. No, when he draws Logan, his focus is on the subtle gleam that comes to his eyes when he speaks about something he’s passionate about, the curl of his lips when his emotionless facade breaks at some stupid comment Roman made.

Roman wishes he could show Logan the notebook, sometimes, the days when his longing overpowers his surety in the fact that it could never be reciprocated. He imagines coffee-colored eyes looking through the pages with delight, taking in the devotion clear in the meticulous lines. He pictures the hands he’s spent hours perfecting skimming over paper, taking care not to smudge the lead.

(He sees disgust settling in the curve of Logan’s lips and rejection showing in the set of his shoulders, and he pushes away the thought and hides his notebook under his pillow, pretends that he hasn’t memorized the shape of Logan’s smile.)

But he doesn’t think of any of that today. It’s Valentine’s Day, and Roman is dressed for it. He dons his armor that he definitely did not spend a whole two hours deliberating on and sets out the door armed with a kind of desperate false bravado, which is immediately undermined by how he jumps at his roommate Patton’s encouraging “go get ‘im, tiger!” shouted through the walls.

Still scowling at the door behind him, Roman briefly debates how desperate a text will make him sound before deciding, screw it.

Hey, we still on for lunch at Cream of the Cup?

The reply is prompt, as always, and Roman makes a futile attempt at smothering the smile he knows is blossoming across his lips.

>> Of course.

I’ll see you then!

Roman can so do this.

Virgil I can’t do this

>> why not?? youve been planning this for weeks, youll bbe fine

actually, knowing you, orobably months

Jfkdkfkfkfk

it’s

LOGAN

>> im aware, weve only veen best friends for years now

…

if yoy send a long rambling text ahout how wonderful logan is and how you dont deserve hkm im gonna lose it

roman i swear to god

HE’S JUST SO SMART AND AMAZING AND I’M JUST ME I DON’T DESERVE HIM AND WHAT IF I SCREW THINGS UP BETWEEN US FOREVER AND HE HATES ME OR WHAT IF IT’S AWKWARD I’M OKAY WITH JUST BEING FRIENDS REALLY HE PROBABLY DOESN’T EVEN LIKE ME THAT WAY ANYWAY I MEAN WHY WOULD HE

Whoops sorry

>> youre not

I’m not

But

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>> okay roman, listen up, because I’m only gonna say this once.

first of all, cut it with the self-deprecating crap. one, that’s my thing. and two, I WILL pull a patton and fight you.

stop doubting yourself, it doesn’t suit you

I might not have known you as long as I’ve known logan, but I know

I can see you typing. shut up.

maybe I haven’t known you as long as I’ve known Logan, but I do know you’re a good guy, and you /clearly/ love him

KSKFKFKKFKGD W H A T

>> yes, everyone knows, no, Logan does not, LET ME FINISH

it means a LOT to him that you actually read the articles he sends you about mars rovers at 3 am and that you don’t tell him he’s annoying for infodumping about alpha centauri or whatever star system he’s planning to go to and that you deal with his hypocrisy about sleep schedules and his general inability to do emotions

also, knowing him for years means I know his type, and trust me, you’re it

and even if by some miracle he doesn’t like you back, you guys are too close to ruin your friendship. okay? so however this ends, I promise you’ll still be friends

>> But

ROMAN

listen, you don’t tune him out when he starts babbling, and he does the same for you. he loves listening to your rants about art theory, he goes to every single one of your shows, and he started learning Spanish just to impress you. yes, he’s learned more phrases than just insults, he’s just been hiding it so he can surprise (aka impress) you later

and roman? he really really does value your friendship. you know that we’ve known each other since forever, so you know I mean it when I say that I’ve NEVER seen him get so close to someone this quickly.

and… you’ve been good for him too, okay? he’s not really the type to get lonely, but that’s just because he gets so tied up in his giant brain he forgets there are people in the outside world to talk to. but it really is important to him that you’re always there for him, and… I can tell you right now that he’s told me how much he appreciates you for it

after all that? I’d say he loves you too, dude. go for it.

you can talk now

Holy heck you DO love me

>> eh

Holy HECK

Wait

Did you turn on autocorrect just to yell at me???

>> Only for you, babe.

Please never do that again

yeaj that was oncredibly unconfortable

now GO GET YOUR MAN

Roman, for all his theatrics about love at first sight and true love’s kiss, hadn’t mentioned Valentine’s Day plans once in the weeks leading up to it. Then, exactly one week ago, he’d texted Logan with a simple request to meet up at a nearby cafe. Logan knew him too well to miss the possible connotations of such an invitation. But it was entirely possible that this was merely meant to be an outing between two friends. A platonic outing.

A platonic outing where there was barely room to stand, forget sit. Logan curses under his breath. He’d decided for once to not show up fifteen minutes early, as that would only give him more time to second-guess himself, especially as Roman was notorious for being chronically late. But he had failed to account for the obvious fact that, it being both a Saturday and Valentine’s Day, the usually quiet cafe is filled to the brim with couples ordering the heart-themed specials and kissing and generally clogging the air with sweet words and PDA. And no, Logan is not irrationally annoyed about this, he’s just worried he won’t be able to secure an empty table for him and Roman.

But just as the thought crosses his mind, he catches a familiar head of fiery hair at a table against the wall, bent over his phone and apparently completely absorbed by whatever he was looking at. An incredulous “Roman?” slips from his lips unbidden, because- well, Roman had once nearly been late to the first show he was the lead in. But there he was, reserving a table at exactly 12:30 with a croissant in front of him. Maybe today really was a day for miracles.

He watches with amusement as Roman jumps and looks up at the sound of his name. His face lights up as soon as he registers who it is, and Logan abruptly goes from amused to filled with some kind of fluttery warmth he doesn’t want to quantify.

“Logan!” Roman exclaims, hurriedly tucking his phone away. “Hey! How are you?” His smile beams out like the sun, but it dims upon Logan’s next words.

“Not well, unfortunately,” Logan informs him gravely. “I fear I have been having severe auditory and visual hallucinations. For example, I am currently experiencing one so vivid that I believe I am conversing with a friend in a cafe when I know that there is no chance of him being here yet.” Maybe Logan should feel bad about the way Roman’s expression morphs from worry to alarm to overblown outrage, but the challenging gleam in his eyes arrests him as surely as that of of Roman’s heart-shaped studs, and he can’t bring himself to regret it.

“Hey, I’m not always late!” he protests so loudly several patrons turn to look at him, perhaps expecting a scene.

Logan can’t help the smirk that creeps across his face as he slides into the seat opposite Roman, surreptitiously tucking a navy blue folder besides him. Thank goodness for Roman being typically Roman and reserving a booth that could seat six for a party of two. “Roman. Once Virgil and I deliberately told you to meet up an hour after we were actually supposed to meet so that when you inevitably showed up late, it would only be by five minutes rather than fifty. And the very idea that you could be on time for something went so flagrantly against the laws of the universe that the universe struck back by making your car break down, and you missed the meeting entirely.”

“Is that what happened?” Roman asks, looking so genuinely gobsmacked that Logan can’t help the snicker that escapes him. Roman’s expression flips to one of self-satisfaction, and Logan tries to ignore the little burst of fondness in his chest at the sight. Even if the rest of today goes horribly, at least he can savor this easy banter between them.

And banter they do, debating over whether Logan’s physics professor or Roman’s marketing professor is more inept before commiserating over the “perpetual hell week” that is college. They bounce from the disappointing latest installment of one of Roman’s favorite series to a terrible documentary on aliens Logan had found on a “science” channel (“It’s called a having a basic grasp of eighth-grade geometry, Roman- which, unlike this nine-thousand year old civilization, these morons have clearly never achieved!”) to every little thing in between, their food forgotten in front of them.

It’s nothing special, technically- they’ve been friends for years now, and they often have talks about everything and nothing. But today Logan can convince himself that an electric current is charging the air between them, flushing Roman’s cheeks and lighting up his eyes as Logan is drawn in, helpless against his magnetism.

There’s no decisive moment where Logan thinks, this is it. There’s just Roman, his laughter like bells in the breeze, and Logan, gazing at him like he’d put the stars in the sky.

“Roman,” he says. That’s it- Roman.

Roman is still giggling at his rendition of the student who’d spilled their coffee on the drama professor on the first day, but he sobers at whatever look is on Logan’s face. “Hey- you good, Lo?”

The nickname catches at something in Logan’s chest, pulls it open so the next words come just a little harder, just a little easier. “Roman,” he says again, looking down. “I do not wish to… ruin the mood, but I have something to confess.”

(He’s looking down, so he misses the way Roman jumps at the last word.)

But when he meets Roman’s eyes, open and curious, Logan’s confidence abandons him. He exhales slowly in an attempt to regain some of the feeling from before, like the memory of Roman’s voice will fortify his. But all that comes out is: “I wrote- would you-”

Logan’s throat fails him entirely, something a little like dread and a little like hope clogging it up. Without another word, he slides the folder he had kept tucked at his side to Roman. When Roman raises a curious eyebrow, Logan simply smiles- a quick, brittle thing- and motions for him to open it.

Earlier, the noise in the cafe had distracted Logan, had made him frown when it rose over Roman’s voice. But suddenly it all fades into the background, the chatter of voices and clatter of spoons receding in favor of the thwip of the folder opening, the little breath Roman takes when he reads the first two words.

Dimly, Logan thinks he must have used up all his words in the letter. His fingers lay still at his sides, mind is utterly blank as he watches Roman read it. But his heart is pounding loud enough that for an absurd second, he’s sure Roman can hear it in the sudden quiet.

Logan waits for a minute, maybe five. He thinks he’d wait for Roman forever if he asked. But Roman doesn’t make him wait that long, because when he looks up his eyes are wet with tears, and when Logan uselessly opens his mouth- to do what? His voice certainly hasn’t returned- Roman lurches forward, clumsy in a way Logan has never known him, and seals their lips with a kiss.

And when they finally draw apart, Logan thinks he’s regained his words (or maybe just these three), because they force themselves out of his lips like they’ve been waiting to do so since Logan said Roman’s name. And Roman, his face a study in the kind of shock and delight that can only come from a thought-to-be-hopeless dream coming true, returns them.

#logince #roman sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #patton sanders #my writing #a whole dictionary of love letters

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mad-ncity · 5 years

Text

Told You | Mafia!Yuta x Reader

this has to do with the recent reaction post i made it goes more in depth about yuta’s reaction and how it went down. hope yall like it!!

its been your goal since you met yuta to scare him

and even though yuta could be relaxed around you he never flinched or showed any fear when you tried to freak him out

though in the time you two have been dating you have managed to scare other members such as taeil a couple times but never haechan that man is the scariest man here although thats beside the point

today was another day that you attempted to scare your boyfriend

and honestly you thought you had got him this time

he had no idea you were behind him and you were absolutely going to freak him out with the mask you had on

you tapped on his shoulder and-

“Oh hey y/n what the hell is on your face?”

you pulled off the mask hastily which made your hair a bit messed up

“why dont you get ever scared?”

“babe im in the mafia. i was beaten as a kid and thrown into terrifying situations that no kid should have to go through. i dont get scared anymore.”

you poked his chest “that sounds like a challenge and i gladly accept”

“whatever i have stuff to go do so why dont you go back to our apartment and ill meet you back there in a little bit” he pulled you towards him and kissed the top of your head

you smiled at him and nodded your head “okay ill see you later yuta”

you left the hideout and started your way back home

the sun was setting it was nearly dusk but you knew this route like the back of your hand

you was casually walking when someone bumped into you knocking you down

“I am so sorry! here let me help you up”

the man pulled you up off the ground but not letting you go he pulled a gun out and held is discretely between your back and him

“Walk”

he led you into an alley where there was a truck lying in wait

“this is kind of cliche dont you think?”

“shut up or ill shoot you”

“right got it”

you suddenly felt extreme pain in your leg

“I told you to shut up”

he then threw you into the van while you passed out from the pain

yuta started to make his way home around midnight

he didnt want to worry you earlier but he had a tough job to do today and he needed to be sure you were home by the time he left for his job

“y/n im home”

he took of his shoes at the door and waited for you to poke your head out like you usually did

that was one thing he loved about you

you always stayed up and waited for him

but when you didnt come out he knew something was wrong

from the looks of it you hadnt even made it home your shoes werent anywhere in sight

suddenly his phone started ringing and he immediately answered it without looking to see who it is

“y/n is that you?!”

“yuta. this is taeyong. you need to get back here now. youre not going to like this”

with that taeyong hung up and yuta ran back out the door

when he got back to the hideout he rushed in and saw everyone huddled around in a room

when he pushed through everyone he thought his heart would stop

there you were wrapped in bandages and bruises laying on a makeshift cot

“what the hell...do we know who did this?”

taeil stepped forward and moved your arm ever so slightly so that yuta could see what was written on it

it was a phone number

mark then spoke up “the phone number is an international one. specifically japan. though i couldnt get the owner of it i think we all know who did this”

yutas knuckles were white from how hard he was clenching his fists

everyone filed out and left him alone in there with you

he knelt down next to you and held your hand “y/n i swear im going to make sure this never happens again” he kissed your hand and then left

he made it outside and called the number

“took you long enough to call me. i was starting to get worried that i beat up the wrong person! glad to see my men didnt screw up this time”

yuta was shaking in his shoes “what do you want dad”

yuta could hear his dad chuckle into the phone “always straight to the point. thats what ive always admired about you, son”

“cut the crap just tell me what you want”

“fine, fine. i want you to come back. youve had your fun here in korea but its time you came back and i thought that my message would be more widely received if you saw what would happen if you said no. but next time your little toy will be dead. ill text you an address. you better be there.”

with that his dad hung up

and yuta was pissed

once he got the text he would have ran but someone stopped him

“where are you going?”

taeyong walked up to yuta and waited for his answer

“im going to where my father is. you cant stop me so dont even try”

taeyong threw his hands into the air “hey man i wasnt going to. i just thought that you might need someone to go with you”

“why would you want to go? dont you have other things to do?”

taeyong puckered his lips and bobbed his head around “yeah but it seems like your father wants to take a valuable asset from my gang and its part of my job as the boss to make sure everything is going as smoothly as possible and its my job as your friend to make sure that you dont make any decisions youll regret”

“aww the boss cares”

“shut up and get in the car”

so the two of them went to where the address was and got out of the car and into the warehouse

“you know, your dad is very cliche”

“yeah hes always been predictable like this. anyways you should stay out here. if you hear anything then you come in. nothing should happen but its always good to have some backup”

taeyong nodded his head and yuta went in

“glad to see you could make it son. though youre a bit later than i expected. well as long as youre here. lets go”

mr. nakamoto turned around to leave with all his grunts

“im not going dad. im just here to tell you my last goodbyes.”

mr. nakamoto stopped in his tracks and swiftly spun around

“your what?”

“I seem to have left you with the wrong idea when i left for korea. i meant that as a final goodbye but i guess you didnt get it. i am done with you and the yakuza. im happy here and theres nothing you could do to make me leave. so this is it. goodbye, father.”

yuta was walking towards the exit when he stopped “oh yeah and if i ever see you or your men around y/n again i will personally make sure that you and your little syndicate will be nothing but dust.”

taeyong and yuta made their way back to the base where you were up already

when yuta saw you awake he ran in and hugged you

“god y/n i was absolutely terrified that I had lost you. I am so sorry about this it will never happen again.”

you could hear the emotion in his voice and you kissed his cheek as the hug came to an end but you had another thought on your mind

“what are you smiling about? you were shot and could have died”

“I told you I could scare you”

#nct mafia au #yuta x reader #nakamoto yuta x reader #yuta #nakamoto yuta #nct #nct scenarios #nct 127 #nct127 #nct127 scenarios

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mmmhowaboutno · 4 years

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ive barely talked about this to anyone, i thought i got over it but you dont just get over stuff like this. i just wanna write it somewhere. a few days ago was august 3rd. three years ago on that day i was drugged and sexually assaulted in my own home by someone who i thought was my friend. i was friends with him for five years prior, so it came as a shock to me when this happened, not just because of what happened but because i realized trusting people is something i may do too easily.

my parents went away for the weekend with my brother, and my “friend” was in town, so i thought i would invite him over so we could drink and play video games. we had been planning to hang out for a while and i thought it was just a chill thing to do with someone youve been friends with for so long. i still think that. i had two shots of vodka and after that started to feel more drunk than normal. i remember him constantly stuffing his water bottle in my face telling me to drink. at first he casually asked if i just wanted some water, so i didnt think anything of it. when things started getting fuzzy he would say “drink this, its just water, youre so drunk youll feel better.” he never drank from it though. guess where the drugs were.

i remember bits and pieces of what happened and the stuff he did to me. i remember “across the universe” was playing in the background as i drifted in and out of consciousness. i wanted to watch that movie since high school and always put it off, but now ill never be able to watch it. i remember that while i was on the floor and couldnt move or speak he would make me drink water and tell me that i would feel better soon, all while he was rubbing my thighs or reaching up my shorts. i remember being unconscious for a long time, and when i woke up, he was in the bathroom. i could barely hold up my phone, but i called my boyfriend first. it was 4am for him and his phone was on silent, but he said that he woke up right as i was calling for some reason, like he felt something bad was happening. i couldnt talk. its like i was in one of those dreams where you try to run away but cant, except i couldnt get words out of my mouth at all. all i managed to say was “drugged me.” my boyfriend told me to call the police, so i did.

when he came out of the bathroom, he acted like everything was normal. i can still see and hear him standing over me and asking “you okay?” while i was drooling on the floor and couldnt lift my head from the drugs that he gave me. i cant remember what happened until the police came. i only remember the knocking at the door and them telling me to open it. the knocking was so fucking loud. he kept looking at me and asking why i called the police, to which i couldnt answer anything. he started panicking and went in and out of the rooms upstairs in my house. he didnt answer the door, and they kept knocking. i somehow managed to get up, tripped and crawled down half of the stairs, and opened the door for them. i remember my dog barking and an officer placing me on a stretcher and so many questions being tossed around. they asked me how old i was and had me call my boyfriend so they could talk to him. they asked my “friend” if he knew that i had a boyfriend, like that would make a difference in him wanting to drug me or being responsible for it.

he told the officers that i had had a lot to drink before he got to my house, that i was already drunk off my ass before he got there. they let him go. i told them where the drugs were. i pointed at the water bottle that was in his hand and i told them that the drugs were there, in whatever broken words i could get out, and they let him leave. they didnt test the water bottle for anything or look around my house or ask me if i was okay. they didnt ask what he did to me or even ask if he did anything, they just let him leave and took me to the hospital. they didnt even question the fact that he was buying a minor alcohol, they just let him fucking leave.

when i was at the hospital, they tested me for my alcohol levels, which they said were normal. so there was physical evidence that i was not, in fact, drunk, like he said. when i started to come to after waiting at the hospital for hours, i told the doctors where the drugs were. i told them to test the water bottle, i begged and pleaded for them to get in touch with police and tell them that i didnt have any alcohol in my system, that it was drugs that he had given me. there was fucking proof, but they didnt do anything.

they asked me if i wanted to call my mom, and i almost did, but then i remembered that it was her birthday. so, i spent those three hours alone in the room thinking about all the reasons i was a fuck up and how this was all my fault. no one seemed to believe me, so maybe i did make it all up and i was actually drunk. but no, there wasnt any alcohol in my system. i only had two shots. after a while, the doctors told me i could go home. i was confused because i didnt have a way to get home, so they told me get an uber or something. they didnt really care at this point. i called an uber, and went outside to meet the car. once my feet hit the ground outside i realized that i didnt have any shoes on. i dont know why but i thought it was strange. i kinda hyper-focused on that as i waited for the uber. everything around me was so loud. all of a sudden, a young-ish nurse came outside and stood next to me. he said he would wait with me. i saw him pass my room a couple times while i cried silently for those few hours i was in the hospital. he stood outside with me and walked me to my uber, asked the uber driver for his name and number, and told me i would be okay. i remember what he looked like and ill genuinely never forget him. he made me feel safe just by doing that little thing, i knew i could trust him when i didnt even trust myself in that moment.

the car ride home felt like it took forever. i was scared of the uber driver and the road and the fact that it was dark outside and most of all of what my mom would think and say when i finally told her what happened. i got home and walked up to my house to see that the main lights were on. my dog was waiting for me on the stairs and ran up to me as i walked inside. he kept licking me and didnt leave my side, but after a while of my dog being attentive and moving around, i realized how quiet it was inside my house. his car wasnt outside anymore, so i knew he had left, but this sudden wave of inexplicable fear washed over me. i started very anxiously searching every room, looking behind doors and in cabinets for some stupid fucking reason. i looked under every bed and turned on every light in my house. i dont know why but i thought he would still be there, waiting for me. i was looking for any trace of him still being in the house and waiting to do it to me all over again. i went upstairs and looked in my brothers closet only to find the vodka that my “friend” had brought for us to drink hidden in a corner. in the room next to mine was the bag with the receipt for the vodka that he bought. in the room where it all happened was the pizza we had gotten to eat and the cushions that he put under my head when i kept flopping over and drooling. that room was like a war zone to me. i couldnt look at it or be in it, i couldnt for almost a year. there were remnants of what happened all over my house and i felt like i couldnt escape it. it happened in the place where i was supposed to feel the most safe, and now i felt trapped in it.

i went into my room and got into bed with my dog. it was 4am, i couldnt sleep, and i didnt know what to do. every noise made me jump. every noise outside made me peek through the blinds to make sure that it wasnt his car pulling back up to my house. i found myself more awake than exhausted, as i should have been. im sure he slept fine that night. im sure he was okay and that he went home knowing that i was in the hospital and my mind was going 1000 miles an hour trying to remember every little detail of what happened so i could convince the cops that he had drugged me. because evidence wasnt enough. words werent enough for them to even try to dig into the fact that maybe i was possibly telling the truth. the cops didnt care, the doctors didnt care. they let him go.

i dont know why i decided to write about this now, because for the most part, im “over it.” i do still think about what happened occasionally. it keeps me up at night sometimes, but not as much as in the first year after it happened. what i think about the most is the fact that no one believed me. i wasnt drugged and sexually assaulted and then reported it a few days later. the cops came and picked me up in the house where it all happened. they stood next to the person that did it. they looked him in the eye and they looked at the water bottle with drugs in it and at me barely conscious and unable to speak. they let him go. so unfortunately it doesnt surprise me when no one fucking cares if someone remembers and speaks out about their trauma years later because thats the moment they feel comfortable enough to finally talk about it. if cops didnt care in the very moment it was happening to me, it doesnt surprise me that they dont care at all. ever.

he never tried to text or reach out to me again. why would he? i blocked him the next day anyway and i havent heard anything since. ive been silently dealing with it by myself for years. i went to a therapist about it. she told me that it was my fault for inviting him over in the first place. thats what my parents told me too.

and the thing is, im not even the “worst” of it at all. this happens all the fucking time. theres very substantial evidence and cops and doctors will stare at it and think about how much work itll be going through the motions to do their fucking jobs and protect the people being assaulted. its too much work for them, but not for the person having trouble falling asleep every night for years because all they can think about is the moment they were unable to protect themselves and were taken advantage of. i always compare what happened to me to what happened to other people. i think less of it because so much worse has happened to other people. i wasnt raped, people are every day but i wasnt. it could have been worse, and ive always pushed the whole thing out of my mind because of that, but i dont think i should. i dont think it wasnt a big deal, and i dont think it will ever be not a big deal. i think that this shit happened to me and happens to people every day and no one fucking cares because its too much work for them to care. this isnt a metoo post, i just needed to put it into writing somewhere because im tired of keeping it inside. i dont want pity, i never have, i think a lot of people think that when something like this happens and someone speaks out about it that thats what they want. i just wanna say it. sometimes its just fucking good to say it. so for the people who do think that i want pity or that dont believe me or that support cops or that dont think this was a big deal: fuck you and have a horrible day.

thats it sorry

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horansqueen · 5 years

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AM Conversations : chapter 22

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- i doubt my skills after writing this chapter. i promise im not saying that to get compliments, i just want to make sure this chapter was ok and that it wasnt too much? youll find out more how she feels and why she did what she did in the next chapter!

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 22 : His chapter

I looked at her when she moved away from me and my eyes roamed on her happy face. I didn't know why she didn't feel comfortable with that double date but the point was not to stress her. I wanted us to spend a nice evening and have fun the way double dates always should be, not that I was really used to them. It did happen a few times but I wouldn't really call those 'dates', they were more like 'hook ups' but I hadn't had any on the last tour because I really didn't see the point. Still, I was sure it would be fun with Liv and even if we were both reluctant about each other's relationship, I knew we could both have a nice time as long as we respected everyone.

"Honey?" she chuckled. "Why that word?"

I smiled slightly and finally looked down at my lap. I couldn't tell her I got that word because of the way she smelled. I had noticed her shampoo was a mix of vanilla and honey scent and I thought the latter was easier to work with. I couldn't lie to myself, I had to admit that in the past few weeks, I had noticed things about my best friend that I hadn't noticed before, like the way she smelled. There was more than that, though, and it felt like I was discovering her again. After all these years, I thought I knew her by heart but I couldn't be more wrong. I noticed the way her nose raised up when she laughed, how her laughter actually echoes on the wall most of the time, and the way I could read all her emotions on her face. I really just had to be attentive and realized there were so many small details I didn't see before but now, I wanted to focus on all of them and memorize them.

"Just seemed like a good idea. It's not a nickname I normally use but I don't think it would bring up suspicions." I shrugged with one shoulder as I explained.

"Yea, i'm sure Maya and Harry will love that we call each other 'honey' on a double date." she chuckled, bringing her hand to my upper arm and squeezing it lightly.

I glanced at her hand and blinked a few times. I knew she had always been affectionate like that but why did it feel like I had just realized it today?

"Oh come on!" I rolled my eyes with a smile. "They gotta get used to it, right? That's just how we are."

When I brought my attention back to her, she was staring at me with a small but fond smile and just just nodded slowly. I could have sworn something had happened today, like something had shifted. I could swear she was hiding something from me.

"Alright, so it's settled."

We looked at each other for a while but it felt natural when we cuddled again to watch the movie together. I was not sure we'd be able to do that again when she'd be officially dating Harry and it bothered me. Was he right? Was I being possessive with my best friend?

"Do you think your lover should be your best friend?"

I felt her tense against my side but waited a few more seconds to turn to her. The second 'Back To The Future' movie was almost over, which meant we hadn't talked in a few hours but it didn't feel awkward at all.

"Uhm, I'm not sure, I guess it depends who it is and how it goes."

I looked down at her but she avoided my gaze as she kept looking at the screen without really seeing it. I had no idea why my question made her so nervous but I just shrugged.

"I was just curious to know if we were still going to be best friend when you start dating Harry."

This time, she sat up^and turned her head my way. Our eyes met and she tilted her head with a frown. I had never noticed how her eyes seemed to express everything she was feeling inside. Was I blind before?

"Okay, look." she started, shaking her head a bit, still looking at me. "I'm not sure I want to date Harry, and i'm not sure what's going to happen. You're my best friend and you've always been, you know that will never change. And, I know I do it too but i'm so fucking tired to talk about Harry, and Maya, and what could happen between us. I miss how things used to be. Before all this."

I was not sure if she meant before the kisses we shared with Maya and Harry, before the last tour we both went on or simply before I was famous, but somehow, I understood exactly what she meant. I missed it too, whatever it was and whatever it meant.

"You remember fourth class?" she finally asked after a few seconds of silence. "When we were in the tree house behind my house for our sleepovers? We made a stupid pact."

I laughed and passed my hand in my hair.

"It was disgusting. Pretty sure I spit in my hand or something like that." I let out with a small grimace, making her laugh. "Best friends forever or something cheesy like that, I remember you made me do it."

"Oh hush, you wanted to." she argued, pushing on my arm slightly.

"Me? Wanting to shake your spit covered hand? Yea try again."

This time a laugh boomed out of her and it made me smile for a reason I ignored. I heard it echo on the wall once again and I enjoyed it.

"Niall! You literally licked my face earlier in the kitchen!"

I groaned and grimaced at the same time.

"It's different." I let out without any good argument.

She chuckled again and my eyes found hers as we both smiled.

"That pact is still going on. We said 'until we die' so I guess you're stuck with me forever."

"Lucky me." I joked before silence fell between us again. All we could hear was the sound of the tv in the background but the movie was definitely forgotten.

"I remember one time, I asked you if you were going to marry me." she pointed out so low I barely heard her.

It made me realize that her voice became softer when she would confess something she was embarrassed about and it was endearing in a way I couldn't explain.

"What did I answer?" I genuinely wondered with a frown.

It's crazy how good her memory was. Most of the things she'd bring up about us as kids were things I couldn't remember. But she remembered everything clearly, every conversation, almost word for word, and I was always curious to hear about it.

"You said no."

"I was a stupid kid." I let out, feeling extremely guilty for my lack of tact. "Why were you even friends with me?"

It made me think of that time we played truth or dare with Harry, when she admitted she used to have a crush on me when we were kids, and I couldn't help but wonder how much it had hurt her to hear that 'no' on that day but I didn't dare asking. Instead, sighed and got up slowly, stretching my arms as she was getting up too. I noticed the credits rolling on the screen.

"Tired?"

We got prepared and once again, ended up laying in the dark, in my bed. The room was quiet, heck the whole house was completely silent, and I didn't have the guts to break it. I liked the intimacy. The feeling of staying in complete silence with someone without an ounce of awkwardness. I liked that I didn't the need to talk just to fill a blank, that I didn't have to make sure it was not weird for her either.

I remained motionless when she cuddled my side again and I felt her leg move over mine slowly, making me hold my breath. I knew she hadn't said anything earlier when we fell on the floor while dancing, but it was impossible had not noticed how aroused I had been. I had barely moved over her but feeling my cock rub against her thigh made me freeze. Her lips had parted and all I could think about was when I caught her masturbating. How she had slid her hand in her panties, how her head was leaning against the bed, how her lips had parted with the pleasure. The more I tried to push the thought away, the more I was thinking about it and it suddenly hit me : if I hadn't caught her, she would have orgasmed on that bed. She would have shook, grabbed the sheets with her free hand, moaned out loud even, maybe... or she would have bitten her bottom lip to make sure no sound would come out so that no one could have heard her.

She was supposed to be my best friend, just my best friend. How many times had I repeated those words in the past week? Yet I had had a sex dream about her, masturbated thinking about her, caught her masturbating and had those images run in my head over and over again. it was at least the third time I was getting hard thinking about her and it was driving me insane. Having sex with my best friend would ruin everything. It would ruin her relationship with Harry and whatever I had with Maya but even worse, it would probably ruin our friendship. Just the thought scared me so much I held my breath again.

"Niall?"

Once again, her voice was soft and it made something twist in my stomach.

"Mm?"

"Everything will be fine." she simply answered as if she read my mind.

"I know petal, I know."

----

We had planned the double date for the next day and it was a good thing because I was suddenly impatient to get it over with. Maya was leaving for a contract in Paris in a few days and Harry was apparently busy too with something he couldn't share just yet. I was surprised Liv didn't insist or even seemed annoyed but I didn't mention it.

We had decided on a typical movie date but when we stood up at the theatre in front of the movies, we couldn't seem to agree on anything.

"A romantic comedy would be so nice!" Maya let out in a dreamy tone.

"As long as it's not a horror movie I guess i'll just follow." Liv just shrugged, glancing at me.

I knew she was more into action movies but she was just romantic enough to enjoy a love story on screen and it made me smile.

"The Night Before seemed funny." I pointed out with a shrug as Liv was turning to me, sending me angry eyes. "What?" I just asked, raising my eyebrows.

No one decided to argue with me and I bought four tickets for all of us. I kept my hands in my pockets to make sure I wouldn't have to hold Maya's hand but she just wrapped her arm around mine and I just let her, not wanting to fight again especially not in public. Olivia walked next to me and bent down, raising her nose up.

"I hate those stupid comedies!" she reminded me in a very low tone, making me chuckle.

"Excuse me, but how many times did I watch the Die Hard movies with you? Or the Indiana Jones'?"

She looked up in my eyes and groaned again, moving away as I noticed Harry grabbing her fingers and pulling her closer and away from me. I frowned for half a second but felt Maya hold my arm closer to her and I turned my head to send her a small smile. This date had barely started and it was already awkward. She moved up on her tiptoe and I held my breath, a bit scared that she would kiss me. She simply smiled more and pressed her forehead against mine before moving back down on her feet. When I looked away, I noticed Liv's eyes on us but she immediately looked away and it made me feel guilty for a reason I ignored.

We entered the room and found seats in the back. I ended up between Harry and Maya and I bent down to glance at Liv before my eyes found Harry's.

"Do you mind to switch place with Liv?" I asked in a whisper, bending my head closer to him.

He stared at me a few seconds, a small frown gracing his face, but I kept staring at him without shame and he finally sighed and turned to talk to my best friend. After a few seconds, they both got up and Liv sat next to me, tilting her head back a bit to send me a smile.

"Can't live without me?" she murmured with a small chuckle, making me grimace.

"Don't make me say things I didn't say." I joked, making her laugh more.

We stopped talking when the movie started and I tried to focus on it instead to think about Maya who felt literally glued to my arm. It was funny and I laughed a lot until I turned to Liv who rolled her eyes but she couldn't hide the small smile on her lips. I looked down and noticed her knee pressed on mine. She had decided on a skirt and it was so rare that she'd wear something to show her legs that it was the first thing I had noticed. Her bare thigh was close to mine and I felt my hand sweat against my pants. I moved my hand to place my fingertips on one of her knees and I could swear she tensed next to me. I waited a few seconds but started drawing circles on her skin. I stared at my fingers as they kept moving on her knee but I could feel her eyes on me.

"Niall..." she breathed near my face.

I didn't turn to her but just moved my chin in the big screen's direction to tell her she should watch the movie. She didn't insist and I started thinking about the conversation we had had in the living room. When she mentioned 'Infinity' and how it reminded her of us, I almost thought she was going to tell me she had romantic feelings for me. That thought stayed in my head only for half a second and I was not sure how it made me feel. Relieved? Sad? Maybe a mix of both...

It seemed to take forever for the movie to end and I got up quickly, getting out of Maya's embrace. I was scared we'd have pictures taken on our way out and I didn't want to feed the rumors about us. Liv and Harry started discussing about the movie and Maya joined them but I remained silent until we were all back in the car. I still kept away from the conversation as they all decided on a small cafe to end the night but I couldn't hide that I was happy to be sitting in the front with Harry while the girls were on the back seat. I almost called out our 'safe word' but still decided to give this date an other chance. I knew she was having fun or at least I thought so

The cafe was small enough to be intimate but we sat in the back and I ended up facing Liv while Maya's side was pressed against mine. We all ordered something different and ended up chatting about different things. I noticed the small jukeboxes placed on each table and started scanning the songs before picking one. They all stopped talking when the song started and Liv sent me a smile, shaking her head slightly.

"Smile, though your heart is aching Smile, even though it’s breaking When there are clouds in the sky you’ll get by If you smile through your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You’ll see the sun come shining through for you..."

She sang the whole verse with a large smile while staring at me and I smiled back as she bent closer to me. I knew Maya and Harry were looking at us but I didn't give them any attention.

"You know I can't help singing when it's a song I like!" she pointed out with a laugh, making me shrug.

"I know... hey, remember that time you sang at karaoke last year?"

"Yea I was totally pissed!" she pointed out, laughing louder this time. "It was more of a joke though, I honestly can't sing."

"No actually I was surprised! it was good!"

Most of the time, Liv sings loud and as a joke or hums very low, too low for me to hear well. On that day, at karaoke, her voice was clear and soft, and I had realized that my best friend could sing. Perhaps not well enough to make it a career, but good enough to be enjoyable and even if I knew that alcohol had helped her opening up and getting more confident, I had been surprised of the outcome. In fact, she had just sang a short part of a soft song and her voice sounded nice, although she hadn't sung very loud.

"Okay, Nee." she pointed out, raising her eyebrows with an amused smile. "I'm as good of a singer as you are a dancer."

"I'm an incredible dancer." I joked, pointing a finger at her and making her laugh and nod quickly.

"Of course!"

We stopped talking when the waitress came back to ask us if we wanted something else and Maya asked for a refill while Liv ordered a pastry.

"Karaoke?" Maya wondered with a smile, turning her face to look at me. "That would have been a good date idea! Maybe next time?"

"You.. want an other date?" I asked without delicacy, a bit surprised by her request. "I mean, an other double date?"

She shrugged and her eyes moving to my best friend and Harry before going back to me. I suddenly felt a bit bad for bringing them into this without even asking them.

"Yea, if they're interested." she let out, unsure, as she moved one of her shoulders up. "I just think we should, you know, take all the steps one by one."

I frowned at her words before realizing what she meant. Maya still wanted a relationship and she was expecting all the things it would bring. All the 'firsts' and the dates, every single step that would lead to something steady and official. My eyes roamed on her face and I was not sure I wanted to have this discussion with her again, especially not at this moment.

The silence between us was uncomfortable and she just kept talking, trying to explain herself.

"I mean, it's fun to anticipate thing and where it could go, right?"

Olivia licked her lips and glanced at Harry. I had the feeling they had skipped a few steps on the way to the official relationship and if Maya was talking about sex, she was looking for approval in the wrong place.

"Are you talking about sex?" Harry asked, raising his eyebrows with an amused smile.

I could swear Maya started blushing but before she could say anything, Liv talked.

"What's there to anticipate when you've already did the whole thing?"

That's when I knew I was screwed. I had never really told them that Maya and I had sex but it was implied in the non-answers and the way I would smile at their questions. I couldn't even remember the reason why I had lied and perhaps it was simply because I didn't want to explain why I hadn't wanted to bang someone like Maya.

Maya frowned and glanced at me before looking back at my best friend. I could feel my heart beat all over my body, making my head throb with embarrassment.

"I mean, Niall and I didn't... we never..." she stuttered low. "We almost did but we... we didn't."

Olivia stared at her, blinking a few times as her lips parted but after a few seconds, her head slowly turned to me and her gaze met mine for half a second before falling to the table. She pushed her plate away without taking a bite and I moved my head, trying to catch her eyes but she avoided me and finally closed her eyes and swallowed.

"Honey." I whispered, my eyes roaming on her angry face.

"No." she answered just as low but harshly.

"Honey." I repeated louder in a begging voice.

This time, her eyes met mine and I was shocked to read pain and sadness through them. The way everything was visible through her eyes if you actually took the time to look at her was unbelievable.

"No."

One of my feet found hers under the table and I tried to press my leg against her the best I could. I was totally aware of what our interaction could sound like for the other two at the table with us but I didn't care. I had hurt my best friend and although I was not sure why she was so mad, I just wanted to explain everything to her.

"Please, Liv."

I could swear her traits softened a bit and I stopped myself from reaching to her hand on the table. I didn't want to fight with her again, it was the last thing I wanted.

"I'm sorry guys, I just.. I need to go home, I have a migraine."

"Home?" I breathed out as she got up.

My eyes followed her but she was looking down at Harry while she asked him for a ride. He sent her a gentle smile and I suddenly felt extremely jealous. I got up too, looking at them as Harry moved her chin up to look in her eyes, his lips curling more when their gaze met. She only nodded and sighed, turning to look at us, clearly unhappy.

"T'was nice, thanks for the evening, i'm sorry for ruining it."

"Liv-"

"No." she cut me again. "I'll call you. Goodnight guys."

Harry kissed Maya's cheeks and held his hand out for me but I just stood there, motionless. I didn’t acknowledge him and they finally left as Maya got up too. Her hands reached for my cheeks and it took me all my strength not to move away. It was not her fault, she had done nothing wrong. The truth was, I was mad at myself and I knew I was the only one to blame. I just didn't understand why it hurt my best friend so much.

"Are you okay?"

I didn't want to look at her and I just nodded with a sigh, looking through my pockets for my wallet, noticing Harry had already left a bill on the table that covered everything we had ordered and more. Maya's arms fell back on each side of her and I searched for my keys, realizing they had left us without a car. I called for a cab and we waited outside the cafe. Maya was not holding my arm anymore and it was a relief. I knew I was being an ass to her but at the same time, I didn't know how to tell her more clearly that I was not ready for a relationship.

"Do you invite me home?" she asked low when we hopped in the cab.

I got out of my thoughts and looked at her. I knew she could read in my eyes that I was not in the mood and I didn't even have to answer. She only nodded and shrugged.

"If you change your mind, you know my number." she proposed before giving her address to the driver.

I wanted to point out to her that she had mentioned taking the steps one by one but I feared it would give her the wrong impression about what I expected from this relationship so I kept quiet.

I was not surprised when her lips met mine right after the cab stopped in front of her apartment and I answered the kiss gently, closing my eyes. I knew I should have a conversation with her too but all I could think about was talking to my best friend and solving things with her. I leaned against the seat when the cab started moving again and passed my hand in my face roughly before slipping my fingers in my hair, pulling on it. Without thinking, I grabbed my phone and typed a message quickly.

'I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I love you.'

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