#ohhh how we love drawing these fuckers
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drip au sketches + board doobles
#virtual virtual reality 2#virtual virtual reality#ohhh how we love drawing these fuckers#we really like how we did the kaleidoscope goggles#aus<3#bracelet drip#drip vvr2#wysiwyg vvr2#we think thats wysiwyg#shit we gonna call kaleidoscope gogglethings 'recall'#and the other can be uhhhhh#fucker#zap zap#elecdrip#both are just bracelet but whateverrrr#we love making aus with friends#oh equil and bee are there too#bee vvr#equil oc#we love drawing bracelet with long skinny legs in aus#so fun#dibujo
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Set the World On Fire.
Eddie Munson x Reader.
Word Count: 2.7k
Sum: Date night takes a turn for the worse, but quickly redeems itself in the hands of your husband in your bed.
Content Warnings: Smut (18+), fluff, angst, eddie and reader very in love, unprotected p in v sex, no use of ‘y/n’. mentions of a characters death (😞).
Enjoy what you can!
~~~~~~
Going out on Friday night ended in how no one ever wants it to end.
Your drink was spiked at the bar. And thank fuck Eddie saw the guy do it and yanked it out of your hand before your plum coloured lips could touch the glass.
Now, 2 hours later after Eddie had your personal driver pick you up and take you back home—Eddie having come back 30 minutes ago—, you were laying in your gigantic bed, your husband’s arms wrapped around your naked body that was resting partly on his bare chest and partly on your mattress. You sighed deeply as you gently scratched at Eddie’s collarbone.
“You killed him,” you said bluntly. “Didn’t you?”
It was a few minutes before Eddie responded. “Yes.” He said, also very bluntly.
“You killed him because he spiked my vodka martini,” you paused between sentences, but you didn’t get to finish before Eddie spoke over you. You didn’t even want to finish the sentence anyway.
“We both knew what would have happened if I wasn’t watching,” Eddie finished, his tone slightly more irritated. “And I would have blasted my brains out with my Winchester if I ever let that happen to you.”
There was another pause before you asked another question.
“Did you do it quick or draw it out and make him suffer?”
Eddie took a deep breath before carefully turning you over so you were now laying on your back between the mattress and your husband, Eddie’s lips pressing gentle kisses over your cheekbones and temples.
“I wasn’t about to waste a bullet on that fucker,” he whispered into your hairline, his kisses never stopping. “All that matters is that nothing happened to you that I’d never forgive myself for, *lip kiss*, and that you’re safe.”
Eddie stared longingly and lovingly into your beautiful silver eyes.
“I don’t care if I need to set this world on fire until there’s no one left but you and me. The world will burn around us, and I’ll gladly live in chaos with you as long as the only man that will love and protect you for the rest of your life is me.”
You didn’t say anything after that, staring up at the love of your life with nothing but adoration. And love. And lust.
As strange as it felt, because it definitely would have felt strange if you hadn’t gotten turned on the other times Eddie said he would kill if it made you happy before, his words were getting you all kinds of hot and bothered.
The way he professes his love for you will never not have you all wet and dripping.
And it doesn’t take much longer before you’re grabbing Eddie’s hand and pulling it down towards the part of your body where your love for him was most prominent.
“Why am I not surprised that hearing me kill for you gets you this wet for me?” Eddie chuckled, his fingers slowly teasing the folds of your pussy, making you whimper shallowly.
“‘Why isn’t my fine ass wife stuffed full of my huge ass dick yet?’ is the question you should be asking,” You muttered, your fingers tangling in Eddie’s messy curls and gently tugging on the chocolate brown strands, bringing your husband to groan into your neck.
Untangling a hand from his hair, you reached down to cup your hand around Eddie’s cock, which immediately hardened in your hand the second you squeezed the head of it.
“Ohhh k~You keep doing that, I’m gonna blow way too early,” Eddie growled into your neck, gently grabbing your wrist and pulling it away from his dick. “And I’d like for you to cum before I do, you know how this works, baby.”
You smiled.
That was always a rule since you started dating Eddie just after you finished college.
You were going into work at the tattoo shop your family owned and began setting up for a few clients you had booked for the day. Long story short, Eddie walked in looking to start a sleeve on his left arm, starting from his hand and going up his arm to the base of his neck and a bit on his chest.
He wanted it kind of like D&D and Lord of The Rings mixed together, so from his hand to his elbow was the Lord of The Rings part with the characters and other important elements to the story then it would blend into D&D where the LOTD stopped then would carry on with a bunch of dice and characters and so on which was a very cool idea.
You’ll never forget how attractive he looked back then, but since then, he’s only gotten more attractive. And his sleeve still looks as great as it did when you finished the last session to complete it.
Anyway, yeah. Once the two of you had started dating, then eventually progressing to the spicy time part of your relationship, Eddie had made a set of rules that were mostly for him to follow while you just sat there, looked pretty and took it like a good girl. And his #1 rule he had to follow was to bring you to paradise at least twice before he could get himself there.
The only thing you had to do was bloody the shit out of him. He wanted to look like he got into a fight with a samurai and, obviously, lost. He wanted to look like he just got out of a battle with a swarm of bears, a herd of lions and a pack of wolves then ran through a forest of knives and razor blades while he had throwing stars and axes chucked at him from every direction there was.
And while you were shocked at the abuse he wanted you to do to his body the first time he demanded you to draw blood from his back with your nails, the reason why warmed your heart.
“Girls need to know I’m taken by one that I will die for.”
That sentence gave you the most intense orgasm you’ve ever experienced in your life. And you never questioned his reasons again.
The feeling of Eddie’s lips on yours brought you back to the world. “What’s going through that pretty head there, baby?” He asked, his fingers gently combing through the roots of your hair.
You just smiled at your husband, gently scratching your nails over his stubble covered jawline.
“I just love you so much,” you answered, gently pulling Eddie’s head down to yours, pressing kisses all over his face as he chuckled.
“I love you more,” he whispered into your hairline, his teeth gently nipping at your ear. “So much more than you think…”
Suddenly, you felt as if your husband was so far away from you, despite him literally holding himself micrometers above you on his hands and knees, his gloriously hard cock sitting against your clit and his lips not leaving an inch of your face untouched. Whatever, you didn’t care.
You wanted him practically laying on you as he made love to you.
“Eddie…” you muttered, threading your hands through his messy hair and pulling on the strands as you angled his face to be smushed against your own.
“Yes, baby?” He whispered into your hairline, huskily. You whimpered as he gently bit at your neck.
“I want you…I want you in me…now,” you moaned into your husbands shoulder, your nails roughly clawing at his toned, muscular back as he moaned into your neck.
Eddie put up no fight or complaints as he slowly dragged his dick through your folds, teasing you as he slowly slipped inside of you with no resistance at all due to how wet you were.
“Ffffffuuucck baby~, always so tight for me,” he moaned into your shoulder, lifting his head that felt like a million pounds to rest against your forehead.
He breathed out the heaviest of breaths into your mouth as he slowly began swivelling his hips in a back and forth motion. Slowly sliding almost completely out of you, Eddie fed his cock back into your pussy just as slow as he pulled out, repeating the process a few more times before he whispered a sentence that made you impossibly wetter. Even though it was the sweetest sentence that could possibly ever be said during sex.
“How’s my baby doing? *kisses*, is my baby ok?”
Loved. You felt so loved that Eddie still asks if you’re okay when you’re stuffed full of him as if it was your first time with him.
Your hands fell away from his hair and down to his neck, gently holding the base of Eddie’s head and gently stroking his jawlines with your thumbs as you kissed him deeply.
“Mmmm, more than ok, *kiss*,” you answered, staring up at your husband with so much love and happiness. “I love you.”
Eddie smiled at the sentiment as he gently pressed kisses to your cheeks, right in the corners of your eyes. “I love you,” he whispered back, starting to slowly thrust his hips again.
You felt so good, so loved in the moment of you and your husband having sex like you usually do every single night.
Tonight felt different, though. More passionate. More romantic, considering date night had ended horribly.
Maybe it was the way Eddie told you he’d ruthlessly murder everyone on planet earth so you would be safe. Had to be what it was.
As much as you wanted your husband to just put his weight down onto your body and hold your hands as he made love to you, you didn’t want it light and passionate. You wanted him to pound your pussy so hard it would make the headboard bang against the wall.
Ok…you wanted it both soft and rough.
Having Eddie hold you close and secure with soft passionate kisses all over your face while he annihilated your pussy into oblivion was your favourite thing he did in bed. No doubt about being sore in the mornings.
“Eddie,” you muttered as clearly as you could, considering your mind was turning to mush. Eddie stopped moving the second you weakly called out to him.
“Are you okay, baby?” He asked with so much concern in his eyes, as if he hurt you in some way.
“I’m fine, don’t worry,” you smiled softly, gently brushing a hair away from his eyes before giving him your sex eyes. The eyes you gave him whenever you:
“Want it harder.”
Eddie just smiled so widely at you. You could feel his cock stiffen inside of you, as if he wasn’t hard enough. He knew exactly what you wanted.
“Hold onto daddy, baby. Tight.”
Oh fuck. This will be good.
As you followed Eddie’s instructions and wrapped your arms tightly around him, he reached for the thickest but also softest pillow on your bed and pulled it closer to the two of you. “Lift your head for me, babyclaws.”
Complying again, you lifted your head up from your pillow. You didn’t know or care what Eddie was doing, being pressed against your husband with his cock inside of you was the only thing you cared about right now.
“Alright, *neck kiss*, lay back down, honey.”
Two seconds later, your head was enveloped in a thick pile of comfort.
Eddie put a pillow above your head so it didn’t bang against the headboard and hurt you.
The thought of it made you clench around Eddie’s length, which in turn made him wince at the sudden tightness.
“Fucking Christ, you keep clenching around me and you’ll break my dick,” he chuckled, rubbing his large tattooed hands up and down your slender hips as you shivered.
“Then fuck your wife before she does.”
You didn’t have to tell him twice. Eddie immediately leaned over your body and began pounding into you like the speed of light.
The only sounds coming out of your mouth was moaning and whimpering and “Eddie”. And you weren’t complaining. Eddie definitely wasn’t.
While he wasn’t losing his sense of reality quite like you were, he was in ecstasy.
He had the life he never thought he’d have.
He’s incredibly wealthy. Not broke and not knowing where his or his uncles next meals were coming from.
He had a house with no issues. No leaks, no wiring issues, no washing machine that leaked all over the floor when too many clothes were put in to wash. No plumbing issues. No nothing.
He was certainly most grateful for the woman he currently had underneath him in a state of euphoria.
His wife.
He had a wife. A beautiful, gorgeous, happy, intelligent, amazing wife that loved him to his very core for exactly who he was and not at all because of his wealth.
And the other reason he was so grateful for this life was his uncle that lived his best life and was treated like a king due to his nephew’s success.
Right after Eddie’s newfound fame and success, the first thing he did was help Wayne, fixing up the trailer so it was brand new with no issues at all.
He’d fixed the heating, the power, the water, the cracks in the walls and ceiling from leaks, got him a brand new fridge that didn’t shit the bed in the winter, got a brand new dishwasher installed, a brand new bed that was actually very comfortable so Wayne’s back and muscles didn’t hate him when he woke up in the middle of the night, all new furniture and appliances, anything that could have been fixed in Wayne’s trailer, Eddie fixed it.
While Eddie rather Wayne just moved in with you and him, Wayne insisted he was staying in the trailer as it was close to work.
So Eddie just left him a couple thousand dollars on the table, and sneaking a couple more thousand into Wayne’s saving accounts.
The only sad thing was that Wayne didn’t last in his newly fixed living quarters for that long after his nephew’s success.
5 short years ago, 2 after Eddie fixed the trailer, Wayne had sadly passed from a horrific heart attack just a few months after your wedding anniversary.
Eddie, of course, was devastated. And you were too.
The man he considered his father figure was taken from him so easily. After everything he had done for the poor man by helping with his finances and giving back to the greatest man he’d ever known, he was gone.
While Eddie was upset the man he considered his father was gone, he was thankful that it was quick and he didn’t suffer.
The last 5 years of his uncles life were definitely his best. And he was definitely happy with where he was.
“Baby?”
“Hm?”
“Are you okay?”
Eddie didn’t even realize he had stopped moving and was just staring into your eyes.
He was too lost in thought about the last 10 years of his life that he forgot he was in the middle of making love to his wife.
“yeah, sorry,” Eddie apologized, gently kissing your lips then cheekbone. “Thinking about things.”
“You sure?” You asked again, gently combing Eddie’s hair out of his face. “Seemed like it was serious.”
Eddie shrugged. “It’s nothing.”
While it felt wrong to say that, he was right.
Sure, grief doesn’t just go away forever after something heartbreaking happens, but you just kind of accept the fact that whatever you were grieving about happened and there’s nothing you can do to change the past.
Eddie accepted the fact that his uncle’s time on earth had passed and that it was time for him to go long ago.
Obviously he missed his uncle, but it was his time. And it’s not like Eddie can’t go an visit his grave in the Hawkins Cemetery. He usually did go pay a visit to Wayne every time you went through town for whatever reason.
“Ok,” you said, taking in the sight of your husbands face in the moonlight that was peaking through the black out curtains hanging from your window. “I’m just gonna ask one more time: Are you sure you’re okay?”
Eddie smiled at you as he leaned in and kissed you once again. “Yes baby. I appreciate your concern, but I really am okay,” he answered, his large warm hands gently rubbing up and down your smooth, slender backside. “Now where was I before I zoned out?”
You smiled at him. And then Eddie was immediately flipped onto his back, his hair splayed all across his pillow, but he couldn’t complain at all.
There you were.
His beautiful, gorgeous, happy, intelligent, amazing wife, sitting overtop of him like a cowgirl on a horse. One of his absolute favourite sights.
And it just got better when you started bouncing up and down on his cock, causing the sexiest of moans and groans and grunts to escape from Eddie’s lips as you rode him all the way to paradise.
You were riding him so good, trying to bring yourself to orgasm. It was when you felt pressure on your clit that you moaned so loudly as you came, your vision going white as your hips were going miles a minute like they had a mind of their own.
As you slowly came back to your senses, you looked down at Eddie.
His face was all twisted together, doing his best to keep himself from cumming. But it didn’t matter because it was his turn anyway.
“Oh, fuck. Baby,” He groaned, his hands finding themselves back home on your hips, gently rubbing his thumbs on the soft skin above them. His eyes were beginning to flutter shut as he thrusted up into you, which brought you to a wide smile.
You loved how Eddie always closed his eyes as he fell into ecstasy. You always knew that meant he was about to cum before he knew it himself.
You leaned in, holding yourself up with one hand on Eddie’s wide chest while your other gently held the side of his face as you leaned your forehead down onto his.
“Cum for me, baby,” you whispered, closing your eyes with kisses to Eddie’s lips as you quickened your hips by a hair, grounding them harder into Eddie’s cock to help bring him to his release.
He couldn’t hold back the moan that fell from his lips even if he tried. The second you thrusted your hips into his own, Eddie immediately blew, filling you up with so much cum as he tried his best to remember to breathe.
The smile on your face could not be erased at the sight before you.
There your husband was, his arms wrapped tightly around you and your waist as his pounding heartbeat started to slow down, hot breathing deep into your neck as his one hand slowly rubbed up and down the small of your back.
Your favourite sight of him. At complete, utter bliss.
You gently pressed a long, passionate kiss to Eddie’s lips, moaning as he slipped his tongue into your mouth and followed in suit with your own.
Breaking away, you gently pressed your face into Eddie’s, a final kiss on his stubble covered jawline.
“I love you,” you whispered, breathing content into Eddie’s neck as he pressed a long kiss on your forehead.
“I love you.”
Yep.
Your life was as perfect as it could be.
And you wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.
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More incorrect fnaf quotes, because you all loved my last one.
*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*
Glamrock Freddy: Thanks fam!
Glamrock Bonnie: oh no
Glamrock Chica: *cries* I love you too
Glamrock Foxy: Sounds fake but okay
Montgomery: *A flustered mess*
Roxanne: can i get a refund
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*The squad right before Glamrock Freddy's wedding*
Glamrock Bonnie: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.
Glamrock Chica: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!
Glamrock Foxy: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well
Montgomery: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND
Roxanne, panicked:I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Glamrock Freddy: Hewwo.
Glamrock Bonnie: Hihiiiiii!
Glamrock Chica: Greetings, Humans.
Roxanne: Three kinds of people.
Glamrock Foxy: I want pudding.
Glamrock Freddy: Four kinds of people.
Montgomery: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?
Roxanne: Five kinds of people
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*The squad is over at Glamrock Freddy's house*
Glamrock Bonnie: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
Glamrock Freddy: ... N-No...
Glamrock Freddy, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
Glamrock Bonnie, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
Glamrock Chica: I see a-
Glamrock Freddy, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Glamrock Bonnie: Oh, well I-
Glamrock Freddy: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
Glamrock Freddy, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
Glamrock Foxy: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
Montgomery: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?
Glamrock Freddy: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!
Glamrock Freddy: I am someone who owns four ovens...
Glamrock Freddy, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...
Glamrock Freddy: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
Roxanne, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
Glamrock Freddy:
Glamrock Bonnie: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
Glamrock Freddy:
Glamrock Freddy, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Glamrock Freddy, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Glamrock Bonnie: Hey.
Glamrock Chica: Hi.
Glamrock Foxy: Hello.
Montgomery: Hey!
Glamrock Freddy: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Roxanne: We were out of Doritos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Glamrock Freddy: We need to distract these guys
Glamrock Bonnie: Leave it to me
Glamrock Bonnie: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Glamrock Chica, Roxanne, and Montgomery: *Immediately begin arguing*
Glamrock Foxy, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Glamrock Freddy: I CAN'T DO IT!
Glamrock Bonnie, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
Glamrock Freddy: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Glamrock Chica: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Glamrock Freddy:
Glamrock Freddy: I appreciate it,
Glamrock Freddy: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Glamrock Foxy: Freddy-
Glamrock Freddy: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Montgomery: Freddy we gotta-
Glamrock Freddy: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Glamrock Freddy: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Glamrock Freddy, motioning to Roxanne: NOT FUCKING THIS
~~~~~~~~~
Sorry if it doesn't come to the same appeal as the last one, but I tried.
#fnaf incorrect quotes#fnaf security breach#security breach#fnaf sb#glamrock freddy#glamrock bonnie#glamrock foxy#glamrock chica#roxxane wolf#montgomery gator#incorrect quotes#I tried#Fnaf incorrect quotes
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The boys (+undateables?) reactions when they discover MC is actually a vampire?
....so I’m a dingus and didn’t realize that this was also for the undateables and just wrote it for the brothers, my bad 😅 Part two maybe? 👀
WARNING: as this is about vampires, it’s a little bit morbid. I strayed away from being too graphic, but y’know. Vampires. There’s death and blood and such.
Enjoy! :D
~
Lucifer
In hindsight, he really should have figured it out on his own.
But it’s not like he’s been around enough humans lately to know what Normal human behavior is.
So he just kinda took your... quirks at face value.
So what if you’re far too comfortable with the Devildom’s constant state of nighttime? Solomon doesn’t seem to mind it either, so maybe humans are just more nocturnal now.
And perhaps your Very Strong aversion to garlic is a little odd, but Mammon wouldn't eat it either for the first 600 years of his life, so it’s not that weird.
You’re also not phased by constantly being surrounded by demons and monsters, which is a little strange, but maybe you’re just like the ancient greeks. A monster fucker.
You feeling right at home in the Devildom is auspicious for the exchange program, so he doesn’t bother dwelling on it.
Though maybe he does find it a little bit weird when you really insist that he start drinking cranberry juice.
(It’s just for health benefits of course, totally has nothing to do with you prepping your next meal)
So what, you may ask, triggers his big lightbulb moment?
You fall off the roof.
And you just get right back up.
Now he knows that humans aren’t supposed to be THAT durable, so he stops you from scaling the side of the fucking house with your bare hands, and very eloquently asks you, “What the fuck?”
You shake him off. “What? Mammon and I are playing roof-ball.”
Lucifer stares. “You fell. I saw how hard you hit the ground. You should be dead.”
You laugh. “Dead? Just from a little fall like that? Are you serio-ohhh wait. You don’t know, do you?”
You give him your biggest, cheesiest grin and—oh.
Fangs.
...And now he understands why you want him to drink cranberry juice.
Mammon
You are, by far, the weirdest human he’s ever met.
Which is saying something, because Solomon is literally just a few blocks away.
Seriously, despite camping out in your room nearly every single night, Mammon has never seen you sleep, he’s pretty fucking sure that sometimes you don’t even breathe, you won’t step foot into the House of Lamentation unless someone invites you in, and who the hell hates garlic that much??
But you’ve also expressed your intense dislike for crosses, so he supposes that you’re not unredeemable.
Just weird.
But it’s incredibly annoying how you wont sleep. Your tossin’ and turnin’ is killing him, why the fuck can’t you just settle down? You need to just put your DDD down and sleep already, dammit.
He sits up, ready to tear you a new one—and pauses.
“Um,” his voice is high, somewhat uncertain, and your eyes snap over to look at him. “Why are you looking at coffins for sale?”
You sigh, a bit wistfully. “I just can’t stand sleeping in a bed anymore. I didn’t want to be rude, so I really did try, but it's been a couple hundred years since I last had one and it’s just murder on my back. I think I’m gonna just have to get a coffin. They’re so much more comfortable.”
Briefly, Mammon considers running.
Instead, he says, “What the fuck?”
You quirk an eyebrow at him. “You do know I’m a vampire, right?”
...What the fuck—
Mammon lays back down—crosses his arms over his chest with a huff and pretends that he isn’t totally freaked the fuck out. “‘Course I do, don’t be stupid. Now go to sleep already.”
So that he can escape before you try to eat him.
“Mammon,” you sing, leaning over the bed to loom over him. He swallows hard—can’t look away from your sharp, toothy grin.
You coo, “I can hear the scared little pitter patter of your heart, darling.”
He squeaks.
Levi
Honestly, Levi is so so happy to have another irl friend who’s into video games that he looks past your strangeness.
You like to stay indoors and play games!! That’s something he has in common with you that his brothers don’t, and that’s all that matters!
...Though he does find it a little weird how sometimes you just kinda sniff him.
The first dozen times he nearly had a heart attack, and when he asked why you were doing it, he Really wasn't expecting you to shrug and say “I dunno, you just smell tasty”
Seriously. Tasty? Are you Beel or something, what’s that supposed to mean?!
He’s not entirely sure why you’re a bit of a shut in gamer though, because despite your, ah, quirks, you’re still so much cooler than he is, so what’s the deal with that?
When he asks, you just shrug and say, “Old habits die hard, I guess. Real sunshine hurts, but virtual doesn’t, so I just got kinda used to living through games and staying indoors.”
“Oh.” Levi’s a bit surprised, but sympathetic. “So, you sunburn easily?”
He’s not entirely sure why you’re laughing now, since that wasn’t a joke. He was just trying to be friendly :(
But then you hug him and he’s too flustered to be offended anymore jndcks
So, when does it finally click for Levi that you’re a vampire?
You guys are having a game night in his room.
He accidentally takes a sip of your caprisun and realizes, very quickly, that it is not the refreshing juice of a caprisun pouch.
He throws up a little bit.
And screams.
And maybe blacks out for a few seconds.
But when he finally calms down and lets you explain, he’s pretty damn enchanted, because this is just like Help, My Roommate Is A Vampire And I Didn’t Know Until A Vampire-Hunter Mistook Me For Them And Attacked Me!! :D
Satan
Satan considers himself to be somewhat of a detective, y’know. His brain is just filled to the brim with Big Smarts
Naturally, he puts that jelly thicc thought tank of his to good use and realizes very quickly that you aren’t totally human.
At first, he isn’t totally sure what you are.
And then a coffin gets delivered to the house, which upon seeing you cheer “Oh sweet, my new bed!!” aaaand he puts the pieces together.
You become somewhat of a case study to him. You’re the first vampire he’s ever encountered and he just wants to know everything and anything about your life.
He’s so intrigued by you.
But you frustrate him SO much.
He wants to know about how you were turned!! It’s not like he has any other vampires that he can ask about their experience!! And you fucking tell him a different story every day!!
“A cat jumped over my deceased body!”
“I was stabbed and the wound wasn’t treated with boiling water!”
“On a dark and stormy night, I came across a palace and the owner, a hospitable gentleman, let me take refuge there. But then, I quickly realized that I was actually a hostage, and when I tried to escape, that fucker turned me!”
“Nobody put an obolus in my mouth to pay the toll of the Styx, so Charon the ferryman sent me back! What a great guy.”
“A chupacabra bit me!”
Needless to say, he considers breaking the wooden leg off one of the dining room chairs and stabbing you with it, but the lecture he would get from Lucifer just isn’t worth the effort.
He’s gonna pull the truth out of you one of these days.
Asmo
“My my, darling, what sharp teeth you have~” Asmo purrs, lifting a finger to brush against them, doe-eyes wide and curious. “The better to eat me with, hopefully?”
You smile. “Something like that.”
And you fuckin’ bite his finger.
His scream is fantastic. If you actually draw blood next time, maybe he’ll even shatter the windows!
He swats your leg sharply with a silk folding fan and cries, “What if you had broken my skin!? Do you have any idea how much time and effort goes into maintaining this soft, supple skin?! What’s wrong with you, you psychopath?”
“Don’t hit me,” you pout, scooting away from him. “I couldn’t help it! You just smell so sweet and I haven’t had any blood in a while, so—”
“Huh?” Asmo blinks, looking a bit confused. Then recovers far too quickly and waggles his eyebrows at you. “Oh, so that’s what you’re into! What a pleasant surprise~”
You thunk him on the back of the head. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to tease a vampire?”
Asmo’s grin could rival the sun.
“A vampire?! Well why didn’t you say so sooner?”
He’s already taking off his shirt.
“Get over here already and take a bite out of me~”
Beel
When he finds out that you’re a vampire, his first thought is to worry over if you can eat normal food or not.
He’s very relieved when you tell him that you can, so long as you’ve had enough blood, but that garlic is a very big no-no.
Naturally, you two bond over how both of you never quite feel full.
It’s not uncommon for the other house members to find you two laying face down on the floor, tummies rumbling, whining about how you’re staaaaarving
You carry around snacks for him, and Beel makes sure that you’ve always got access to blood (whether that means stashing blood bags, letting you feed from him, or a combo of both ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )
He’s probably going to be the least weirded out by your ~undead tendencies~
Honestly, he’s a bit relieved by how strong you are. The last thing he ever wants to do is hurt you or see you get hurt, and it gives him peace of mind when he realizes that you’re actually pretty durable!
But it does give him a fucking heart attack the first time he sees you yeet yourself out a second story window to crush poor, poor unassuming Mammon.
He also really loves how your body temperature naturally runs cold. He’s a space heater, you’re an icicle—it just works. Snuggle time is good :)
He totally compares the size of your incisors with his jkdcnkj
He just thinks you’re really neat!!!
But he is very sympathetic about how you cant eat good garlic bread :(
Belphie
Listen.
We all know this emo boy is a vampire fucker, probably even more so than Asmo.
(He read Twilight. He saw all the movies. He had merch.)
(Fuck Edward and Jacob though, he was Team Alice all the way.)
(If he can stay awake long enough, he reads really shitty vampire romance novels.)
He just thinks vampires are hot, okay? He can’t help that his soul longs to be a vampire fucker.
Just accept it into your heart. Belphie already has.
So needless to say, he’s THRILLED when he finds out that you’re a vampire. He tries to play it cool though and pretends that he isn’t immediately trying to jump your bones dfghjkjh
He overheard you telling Satan that you got bitten by a Chupacabra, and they’re known for going after cows right?
He is a cowboy, y’know, guess you’re just gonna have to go to him now when you’re thirsty, y’know, since you were bitten by a Chupacabra. it just makes sense, really ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(No it doesn’t)
(But let’s be real, are you gonna pass up the chance to snuggle the shit out of him AND get a snack out of it? No. No you’re not.)
(He totally makes you arm wrestle Beel to recreate the “Iconic” twilight scene with Emmett and Bella.)
(When he realizes that you’re strong, he’s gonna make you give him piggyback rides, just like Edward and Bella :) and no he doesn’t care how ridiculous you both look)
#gnocchicanons#obey me shall we date#obey me headcanons#obey me hc#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#swd obey me#obey me
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The One Night Stand pt.2
Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader / Satoru Gojo x fem!reader
Part 1 ; Part 3
A/n: I AM SO OVERWHELME. Thank you for all the reblogs, i know around 10 aren’t that much but for me they really are especially in about just a day. I can’t express how thankful i am, your positive feedback is the reason why i already wrote the part 2. I do kinda plan to make a pt 3 too Haha. I‘m always open for any kind of feedback and my dm‘s / ask is also always open if any of you want to thirst or just talk haha.
Warnings: NSFW, mentions of alcohol and a blackout (nothing illegal happened!), public sex & fingering, Toji being the best dad ever (not). and typos, i was just too lazy to read through this mess lol probs going to correct it tomorrow.
Characters: Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader , Satoru Gojo x fem!reader
Form: oneshot / short story
“Ohhh that’s why you moaned his name last night.” Tojo whispers in your ear.
Shocked you turn around and look at him, your mouth wide open.
“Careful, you don’t want the others to notice anything, do you?” He smirks. Quickly your trying to act normal again, but your mind is racing.
You did not do this.
No.
Never.
NEVER EVER.
You got drunk last night to get over the fact that Gojo was sleeping over at some random girls place.
You got drunk last night to get those thoughts out of your mind.
You got drunk last night to get over the fact that you are in love with your best friend.
And you hooked up with Toji last night to convince yourself that you don’t have any feeling for Gojo.
You simply couldn’t moan Gojos name.
That would mean that he was still present in yours thoughts.
While some other guy was fucking you.
This is bad.
This is sooo bad.
Especially since you knew that Gojo only sees you as a best friend... a best friend without the benefits.
Yeah yeah, sure how should you know if he only sees you in this way.
You two are always flirting...
But this is just an act.. a game.. you are both pretty flirty- it’s just natural.
Also ... we’re talking about Gojo,..., one of the biggest hoes you knew. If he was slightly interested in you, he’d already made a move on you.
“Hey Y/n, care to finally tell us what happened last night?” Nobara asks and you snap out of the conversation you were having with yourself in your mind.
“Oh yes pleaseeeeeee tell us all the details.” Gojo coos and earns a warning glare from you.
“Come one, y’all aren’t young enough to not piece one and one together and figure out what she was up to last night.” Toji laughs.
“We know that she has one ... or more than one.. Hickey on her neck.. BUT WHO?” Nobara reply’s and looks at you with a smirk.
“You really think I remember his name?” You laugh, “ I woke up in his flat and then went straight out of it. All I know is, that it wasn’t worth the hickeys.” You joke.
“Oh so your hungover ass, still remembers how bad he was in bed?” Gojo teases and throws a quick glance at Toji, signaling him that he knows.
“Definitely... worst fuck I ever had, I truly doubt i came even once.” You sneer.
“Well... at least you learned your lesson now. Don’t get drunk and fuck a stranger.” Nanami sighs. “Kids, learn from her. Don’t make the same mistakes.” He looks over at the Yuji, Nobara and Megumi.
“Yes, I wouldn’t say that, for me it always went well... but that could also be because I’m just good ... at everything.” Gojo winks, “Y/n just sadly got a guy that ... didn’t knew who to ... please a women.” He says with an arrogant smirk.
“Oh really, was it that bad Y/n?” You feel a hand on your thigh, squeezing it.
“Uhm... I mean, I can’t really remember it..” you stutter, feeling Toji hand move up on your thigh.
“Well.. we should switch the topic now.” Nanami caught and shots us a glare, meanwhile Tojo whispers: ”You should be able to remember this morning right? Or do I need to show it to you again tonight.” His hand moves under the hem of your skirt. You bit the inside of your cheek, trying your best to not let any unwanted sound escape your lips. The only person that could see what’s happening under the table right now was Gojo, but it looks like he didn’t notice it.
You feel Toji’s long fingers brush over your panties, giving you some slow stokes before he decides to settling his fingers right over your clit, drawing random shapes and giving it some light pinches.
“Your fucking son sits across from us.” You hiss at him and grab his hand, trying to stop him.
“Then better be quiet.” He smirks and pinches your clit hard, truly unaffected by your hand... to be honest, you don’t really try to remove his hand... and he knows you’re enjoying this.
The muscles on your inner thighs tense and you bite your cheek even harder.
You’re close and he knows it, it’s not hard to know, judging by how wet your panties are.
You look around trying to see any glimpse of suspiciousness form one of the others on the table, but everyone is having a full hearted conversation, hell even Toji is joking around with Megumi right now. How is he able to act this way, while your sitting here struggling to make a some sort of decent conversation with Nobara.
“Ok girly look. I - I tell you, this one dress would be perfect for you.” You say and force a smile.
“But I already know that it will be sold out, when I’m able to go to the store.” She whines.
“Then... How about we go tomorrow after practice? I’m sure Gojo doesn’t have a problem with that, right, G- GOJO.” His name left your lips waaay too loud. But what were you supposed to do, when Toji suddenly puts three of his fingers inside of you, curling them at just the right spot.
“Again... wrong name babygirl.” Toji whispers.
“I can hear you, you don’t have to scream.” Gojo says annoyed.
Gojo‘s POV
Do they really think I don’t notice. I‘m just trying to be nice to Megumi. That’s the only reason I don’t say anything... I just want to save him from the realization that Y/n, the women he adores, was fucking his dad. Or most likely he‘s fucking her right now.
The audacity.
And that she is letting him doing it???
I thought higher of her.
... wait what am I thinking.
Why should I shame her, for doing something I already did ... but why is she doing it with him... and not with me.
I want to make her squirm just by my touch, teasing her in public... even before tonight I was sure that she‘d like that. I know her ... I know her better than this old fucker does.
My hand clenched around the glass of my drink.
Concentrate on the conversation Yuji and Nanami have.
Stop focusing on the soft sloppy sounds coming from beside you.
Stop focusing on the way her legs shake... how the fabric of her skirt lifts up and down... how her hand grabs my arm... wait what?
Why is she grabbing my arm?
Your POV
You feel your climax Coming closer and closer.
Your eyes roll to the back, your eyelids flutter, and somehow your hand finds its way to Gojos arm.
You dig your nails in his soft skin, biting your lips, trying your best to stay quiet.
Your breath stuck in your throat and your mouth opens in a silent scream, your nails digging harder in Gojos skin, surly drawing blood. He should have really had his,..., don’t touch me shield up.
Trying to catch your breath you let go of Gojos arm, his hand immediately moving over yours, while his tumb stocks the back of your hand.
Meanwhile Toji has a smug smile on his face as he removes his fingers and moves them towards his lips, licking them clean, while glancing over at you.
“Uhm.. Y/n... are you okay?” Megumi asks confused, “You look... strange.” He raises an eyebrow.
Before you can answer, Gojo already opens his mouth. “Her hangover kicks in... I think it’s better if she leaves now.”
You look at him, with a thankful smile playing on your lips.
“ I was about to leave anyways, I can take you home, not sure if you arrive home save.” Toji gets up and pulls you up with him an arm wrapped around your waist, holding you up.
“No need to. I can take care of MY best friend.” Gojo says sternly and pulls you out of Tojis grip, now holding you close to him.
Toji raises one of his eyebrows and smirks.
“What’s wrong Gojo, you don’t trust me with her?”
“Yes.” He answers coldly.
“How’s that. Don’t think I can control myself?” He laughs.
“Think? I know you can not.”
“Please, she’s a grown women, why would it be a problem if anything happens between me and her?” He smirks. You look confused between him and Gojo, not knowing what the fuck happens.
“Because your my DAD and she is my friend/ teacher.” Megumi sighs, clearly embarrassed.
“Because I don’t want her to” Gojo huffs and you quickly wiggle out of his grip.
“YOU DONT WANT ME TO?” You cross your arms and look at him.
“Yes. You don’t have to walk around fucking with random man, way too many years older than you.”
“Oh you are one to talk. How many this week mhm? Three?” You hiss.
“Please that’s different.” He sighs and scratches his neck, “ and no, only two, i actually spent two nights with the last one.” He smiles.
“OHHHH Two nights. And you forbid me to spent two nights with the same guy?”
To underline your words, Toji wraps an arm around your waist and rests his head on top of yours.
“What’s wrong Gojo? Jealous?” He chuckles deeply, “Come, let me get you home and take care of you babygirl.” Lifting his head, he guides you away from the table and out of the bar.
Throwing one last glance over your shoulder you see a shocked Megumi, mouth hanging wide open, Yuji and Nobara looking confused from you back to Megumi. Nanami has his head in his hands. And Gojo mouths you a: “Please don’t leave.”
His sunglasses in his hand, showing a mixture of emotions in his eyes.
Your heart tightens when you look into his eyes.
“Don’t look at him. I promise he’ll be confessing to you in a matter of time.” Toji whispers and pulls you outside.
“You- You planned this?!” You ask him shocked.
“Please his feelings for you are pretty obvious. Especially how jealous he acted, i thought he’d screamed that he loves you right there at the bar.” He throws his arm over your shoulder and pulls you closer. “Let daddy help you, yes?”
“Please don’t call yourself Daddy.” You groan.
“But I thought you liked that name for me?”
“I really need to stop getting drunk.” You whine, earning a loud laugh from him.
“But.. are you sure... about Gojo... I really do-“
“Yes. Yes he has feelings for you, which aren’t just the ones friends have.” He rolls his eyes annoyed.
“But before he gets to you, lets have some fun yeah?”
“Thank you.” You say and grab the hand, hanging over your shoulder, kissing it.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m doing this to get on his neves, not for you to be happy. I wouldn’t mind fucking you for some more days.” He smirks, lucky for him, the night hides the soft blush on his cheeks.
With his arm wrapped around you, you guide him to your apartment.
“Hey, but never finger fuck me again when your son is on the same table.” You huff.
“Why not, you basically told him that you and I are fucking.” He laughs.
“Fuck.”
Taglist: @laceymorganwrites @ereeeeehhh @gojocumslut @channieboiiii @wingedcreatorgoopwagon ( I tagged some of uou who reblogged it, I hope this was okay )
#jjk toji#jjk hcs#jjk oneshots#jjk gojo#gojo headcanons#gojo x reader#gojo x you#toji x you#toji x reader#toji headcanons#jujutsu kaisen headcanons
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aight here’s a bunch of randomly generated incorrect quotes! under the cut for the sake of my followers mainly. some of these were surprisingly fitting/in-character tbh.
Andy: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Felix: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Melody: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Margret: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Claus: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Peter:
Peter: I have emotional scars.
-
Andy: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Felix: >:O language
Melody: Yeah watch your fucking language
Margret: OKAY WHO TAUGHT MELODY THE FUCK WORD?
Claus: 'The fuck word'.
Peter: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Melody: Oh my god they censored it
Claus: Say fuck, Peter.
Melody: Do it, Peter. Say fuck.
-
Andy: Croissants: dropped
Felix: Road: works ahead
Melody: BBQ sauce: on my titties
Margret: Shavacado: fre
Claus: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Peter:
Peter, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
-
*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*
Andy: Thanks fam!
Felix: oh no
Melody: *cries* I love you too
Margret: Sounds fake but okay
Claus: *A flustered mess*
Peter: can i get a refund
-
Andy: Hewwo.
Felix: Hihiiiiii!
Melody: Greetings, Humans.
Claus: Three kinds of people.
Margret: I want pudding.
Andy: Four kinds of people.
Peter: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?
Claus: Five kinds of people.
-
Andy: I CAN'T DO IT!
Felix, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
Andy: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Melody: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Andy:
Andy: I appreciate it,
Andy: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Margret: Andy-
Andy: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Claus: Andy we gotta-
Andy: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Andy: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Andy, motioning to Peter: NOT FUCKING THIS
-
Andy: Time for plan G.
Felix: Don’t you mean plan B?
Andy: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Melody: What about plan D?
Andy: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Margret: What about plan E?
Andy: I’m hoping not to use it. Claus dies in plan E.
Peter: I like plan E.
-
Andy: Felix... How do I begin to explain Felix?
Melody: Felix is flawless.
Margret: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000.
Claus: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan.
Peter: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.
-
*The squad is over at Andy's house*
Felix: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
Andy: ... N-No...
Andy, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
Felix, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
Melody: I see a-
Andy, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Felix: Oh, well I-
Andy: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
Andy, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
Margret: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
Claus: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?
Andy: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!
Andy: I am someone who owns four ovens...
Andy, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...
Andy: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
Peter, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
Andy:
Felix: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
Andy:
Andy, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS
-
Andy: We need to distract these guys
Felix: Leave it to me
Felix: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Melody, Margret, and Claus: *Immediately begin arguing*
Peter, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.
-
Andy: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?
Felix: Nope, absolutely not.
Melody: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.
Margret: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.
Claus: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.
Peter: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.
-
*The squad right before Andy's wedding*
Felix: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.
Melody: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!
Margret: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well
Claus: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND
Peter, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE
-
Andy: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!
Felix: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.
Melody: More or less, I guess...
Margret: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!
Claus: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.
Peter: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!
-
Andy, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Felix: Hey.
Melody: Hi.
Margret: Hello.
Claus: Hey!
Andy: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Peter: We were out of Doritos
-
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Andy: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Felix: ...I did. I broke it.
Andy: No. No you didn't. Melody?
Melody: Don't look at me. Look at Margret.
Margret: What?! I didn't break it.
Melody: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Margret: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Melody: Suspicious.
Margret: No, it's not!
Claus: If it matters, probably not, but Peter was the last one to use it.
Peter: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Claus: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Peter: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Claus!
Felix: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Andy.
Andy: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Claus: Andy... Melody's been awfully quiet.
Melody: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Andy, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Andy: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Andy:
Andy: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
-
Andy: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Felix: Okay, but what is updog?
Melody: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Margret: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Claus: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Peter: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Andy: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Margret: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Melody: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Felix: What’s a henway??
Andy: Oh, about five pounds.
-
Andy: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Felix: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents
Andy: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
Melody: Actually I did the math, Felix would have $225, not $0.15.
Felix: Fam I’m right here....
Margret: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
Andy: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Margret: Sorry I only have a dollar
Andy: :(
Melody: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Felix would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent
Margret: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice
Melody: You can buy anything you want with $22,500
Claus: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice
Melody: Apply juice to what
Peter: Directly to the forehead
Felix: Great chat everyone
-
'Can I copy the homework?'
Andy: I can help you with it!
Felix: Yeah, sure.
Melody: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.
Margret: lol nope.
Claus: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!
Peter: *Read 5:55pm*
-
Andy: Rules are made to be broken.
Felix: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Melody: Uh, piñatas.
Margret: Glow sticks.
Claus: Karate boards.
Peter: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Andy: Rules.
Felix:
#'OKAY WHO TAUGHT MELODY THE FUCK WORD' iodrtcnhnicruh#also the fourth one feels... surprisingly in-character???#actually quite a few of these are ending up surprisingly in-character what-#AND ONE OF THEM INVOLVED KEYS OF COURSE#incorrect quotes#andy's apple farm
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incoming long list of incorrect quotes because im getting annoying on discord so you people have to deal with me now
Kei: Looking left cause you don’t treat me right
Han: Looking right because you left
Rose: Looking up cause you let me down
Oliver: Looking down cause you fucked up
Blair: What is wrong with you guys
---------------------------------------------
Kei: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one!
Han: Tubular AF!
Rose: Mood to the max!
Oliver, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it.
Blair, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Kei: What’s something you guys are better than Han at?
Rose: Mario Kart.
Oliver: Yeah, video games.
Blair: Emotional vulnerability.
------------------------------------
Kei: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?
Han: Have everyone stand.
Rose: Bring three more chairs!
Oliver: The most important ones can sit down.
Blair: Kill three.
--------------------
Kei: Favorite horror movie?
Han: It
Rose: Saw
Oliver: Annabelle
Blair: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Kei: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
Han: This knife is actually a magic wand.
Rose: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.
Oliver: *cocks gun* Magic missile.
Blair: What the fuck is wrong with you people.
---------------------------------------------------------
Kei: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life
Han: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!
Rose: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!
Oliver: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!
Blair: My moral code, is that you?
Kei:
Kei: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?
------------------------------
Kei: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Han: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies
Blair: Socks are Feetie Heaties
Oliver: Forks are Stabby Grabbies
Han: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties
Blair: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies
Oliver: Stamps are Lickie Stickies
Rose, annoyed: You are disappointments
--------------------------------------------------
Kei: Where's Han, Rose, and Oliver?
Blair: They're playing hide and seek.
Kei: Where?
Blair: I don't think you get how this game works.
---------------------------------------------------------
Kei: You kidnapped Han? That’s illegal!
Rose: But Kei, what’s more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Han, or destroying our dreams?
Kei: Kidnapping Han, Rose!!!
Oliver: Kei, listen, whatever I may think of you right now- these guys are counting on you to inspire them!
Kei: What, to kidnap people?!?!
Oliver: To work together!
Kei: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE?!?!?!?!
Blair: Kei, we all agreed a Han is a not a people.
--------------------------------------------------------
Kei: Anyone d-
Han: Depressed?
Rose: Drained?
Oliver: Dumb?
Blair: Disliked?
Kei: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Kei: Nothing in life is free.
Han: Love is free!
Rose: Adventure is free.
Oliver: Knowledge is free.
Blair: Everything is free if you take it without paying.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Kei: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.
Han: ... Your what?
Kei: My friends.
Rose: Are they saying “friends”?
Oliver: I think they're being sarcastic.
Blair: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Kei! All of your friends are in this room.
Kei: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.
-----------------------------------------------------
Kei: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?
Han: Rude.
Rose: That’s fair.
Oliver: Not again.
Blair: Are you going to want this back?
---------------------------------------------------
Kei: Are we really going to let Han keep Rose?
Oliver: We kept Blair.
----------------------------
Kei: What does 'take out' mean?
Han: Food.
Rose: Dating
Oliver: Murder
Blair: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kei: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
Han: What if it bites me and it dies!?
Rose: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Han, learn to listen.
Oliver: What if it bites itself and I die?
Blair: That’s voodoo.
Himari: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Han: That’s correlation, not causation.
Oliver: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Blair: That’s kinky.
Kei: Oh my God.
-------------------------
*The squad is over at Kei's house*
Han: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
Kei: ... N-No...
Kei, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
Han, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
Rose: I see a-
Kei, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Han: Oh, well I-
Kei: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
Kei, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
Oliver: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
Blair: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?
Kei: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!
Kei: I am someone who owns four ovens...
Kei, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...
Kei: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
Himari, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
Kei:
Han: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
Kei:
Kei, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Kei: Rules are made to be broken.
Han: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Rose: Uh, piñatas.
Oliver: Glow sticks.
Blair: Karate boards.
Himari: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Kei: Rules.
Han:
--------------------------------
Kei: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Han: >:O language
Rose: Yeah watch your fucking language
Oliver: OKAY WHO TAUGHT ROSE THE FUCK WORD?
Blair: 'The fuck word'.
Himari: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Rose: Oh my god they censored it
Blair: Say fuck, Himari.
Rose: Do it, Himari. Say fuck.
--------------------------------------
'Can I copy the homework?'
Kei: I can help you with it!
Han: Yeah, sure.
Rose: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.
Oliver: lol nope.
Blair: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!
Himari: *Read 5:55pm*
-------------------------------
Kei: Time for plan G.
Han: Don’t you mean plan B?
Kei: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Rose: What about plan D?
Kei: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Oliver: What about plan E?
Kei: I’m hoping not to use it. Blair dies in plan E.
Himari: I like plan E.
-----------------------------------
Kei: We need to distract these guys
Han: Leave it to me
Han: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Rose, Oliver, and Blair: *Immediately begin arguing*
Himari, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.
------------------
*The squad right before Kei's wedding*
Han: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.
Rose: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!
Oliver: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well
Blair: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND
Himari, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE
--------------------------------------------------
Kei: Croissants: dropped
Han: Road: works ahead
Rose: BBQ sauce: on my titties
Oliver: Shavacado: fre
Blair: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Himari:
Himari, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
---------------------------------
Kei: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Han: Okay, but what is updog?
Rose: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Oliver: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Blair: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Himari: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Kei: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Oliver: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Rose: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Han: What’s a henway??
Kei: Oh, about five pounds.
----------------------------------
Kei: Just be yourself.
Han: 'Be myself'? Kei, I have one day to win Rose over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?
Oliver: Couple weeks.
Blair: Six months.
Himari: Jury’s still out.
Han: See, Kei?
Han: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Kei: I CAN'T DO IT!
Han, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
Kei: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Rose: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Kei:
Kei: I appreciate it,
Kei: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Oliver: Kei-
Kei: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Blair: Kei we gotta-
Kei: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Kei: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Kei, motioning to Himari: NOT FUCKING THIS
--------------------------------------------------------
*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*
Kei: Thanks fam!
Han: oh no
Rose: *cries* I love you too
Oliver: Sounds fake but okay
Blair: *A flustered mess*
Himari: can i get a refund
-----------------------------------
Kei: Hewwo.
Han: Hihiiiiii!
Rose: Greetings, Humans.
Blair: Three kinds of people.
Oliver: I want pudding.
Kei: Four kinds of people.
Himari: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?
Blair: Five kinds of people.
-----------------------------------------
Kei, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Han: Hey.
Rose: Hi.
Oliver: Hello.
Blair: Hey!
Kei: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Himari: We were out of Doritos.
-----------------------------------------
Kei: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Han: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents
Kei: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
Rose: Actually I did the math, Han would have $225, not $0.15.
Han: Fam I’m right here....
Oliver: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
Kei: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Oliver: Sorry I only have a dollar
Kei: :(
Rose: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Han would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent
Oliver: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice
Rose: You can buy anything you want with $22,500
Blair: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice
Rose: Apply juice to what
Himari: Directly to the forehead
Han: Great chat everyone
---------------------------------
Kei: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?
Han: Nope, absolutely not.
Rose: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.
Oliver: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.
Blair: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.
Himari: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.
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Teacher’s Pet
Summary: That fic where Logan is a teacher and Remus is his very bratty student that he's fucking.
Pairing: Intrulogical
Warnings: Smut; Teacher/Student dynamic, crying, use of the pet name ‘sweetheart’.
Note: Ok so listen, before y’all judge me - In this fic Remus is 19, he got held back a year, plz do not get mad at me thank u I’m doing my best.
[AO3 LINK]
“Remus, will you please get your feet off of the desk.”
Remus rolled his eyes and kicked his legs off the desk, platform boots thudding onto the stained classroom carpet. He looked up at the teacher with a raised brow and a smirk, sticking out his pierced tongue. Logan sighed, but was thankfully able to finish his class with little interruption from the loud senior. The bell finally rang to signal the end of class. It was lunch time – Thank god.
Logan watched as his students filed out of the room. All but Remus, who had moved from his desk to sit on Logan’s, a green lollypop in his hand and a grin on his face.
“You’re not exactly subtle, are you?” Logan asked with a sigh as he moved to dim the classrooms light and roll down the blinds on the door’s window.
“Sorry, sir. Is that what I was supposed to do?” Remus licked his lips and leaned back on the desk slightly. “I’ll be on my best behaviour next class.”
“You better be,” Logan growled.
He moved to stand between Remus’s parted legs, hands resting on his hips. Remus shuffled forwards and trailed a hand down Logan’s chest, gently tugging at the tie around his neck. Logan groaned and leaned in, peppering kisses along Remus’s jaw. Remus’s hand moved further down, past the waist of Logan’s pants, and he let out a pleased noise when he felt the hard outline of Logan’s cock.
“Already excited, sir?” Remus teased.
“Mphh, shut up,” Logan mumbled against the warm skin of Remus’s neck. He pulled down the collar of Remus’s shirt to reveal more skin – Hidden to most people, and less suspicious than leaving a mark visibly on his neck. He bit down and felt the shiver run down Remus’s back.
Remus rocked his hips up and Logan let out a muffled moan before pulling away from the now dark purple bruise left behind. Remus’s fingers work on the buckle on Logan’s belt, sliding it off and tugging down his pants and boxers. He pushed Logan back enough to jump off the desk, flipping them around and backing Logan against the solid wood. Logan’s eyebrow raised, curiosity in his eyes.
Remus dropped down to his knees with a dull thud. He grinned up at Logan, running his nails very gently up and down the backs of Logan’s exposed thighs. Logan hummed contently and ran the fingers of one hand through the wavy, dark mess that was Remus’s hair. Remus started pressing messy, wet kisses down Logan’s stomach, sucking a few faint red marks into his hips as a reminder for later. Logan moaned quietly and tugged Remus’s hair to pull him closer to his cock. Remus laughed.
“You really are desperate today.”
Despite the teasing, Remus wanted to play nice. He wrapped one hand around the base of Logan’s cock, the other holding his thigh. He licked a strip from base to tip, feeling proud at the flustered mumbling of the older man. His tongue swirled around the tip before licking away the beads of pre at the slit. Logan gasped and then threw his other hand over his mouth to stifle a louder moan as Remus bobbed his head, gagging slightly when the head of Logan’s cock hit the back of his throat.
“Oh, f-fuck, Remus-“ Logan stumbled over his words, hips stuttering forward desperately as Remus goes to pull away.
Remus pulled back and sucked lightly on the head for a second before pulling off with a pop. Logan whined and tugged Remus forward again, but Remus shook his head.
“I want you to fuck me over the desk.”
The hand in Remus’s hair dropped and Logan muffled another noise behind his palm. “Oh?”
“Mhh,” Remus confirmed as he stood up again, one hand wrapping around Logan’s cock and the other resting on Logan’s jaw. “I want you to fuck me over your desk so hard that I’m crying and still feeling it later.”
“Fuck, Remus,” Logan groaned, leaning into Remus’s touch. “You’re really going to be the death of me.”
“Come on, sir,” Remus purred, leaning in closer. His breath is hot on Logan’s lips and Logan wants nothing more than to ruin him, give him exactly what he’s asking for. “I was imagining it all morning, you know?”
That pulled Logan out of his thoughts. “Oh?”
Remus pulled away and Logan bit back the urge to whine at the loss of warmth. Remus walked around the desk to the other side – The side Logan would usually be standing at during a class. He placed his hands down onto the top of the desk and Logan’s mind starts to wander again.
“Imagine it…” Remus said, as if Logan wasn’t already doing just that. “I know you like that we have to keep quiet, sir… It’s exciting, isn’t it? Imagine how much harder it’ll be to keep me quiet when you’re fucking me. Oh, ohhh,” Logan watched as one of Remus’s hands slip down the front of his jeans. “You’d probably have to put something else in my mouth, like your fingers.”
Logan moved around to Remus’ side of the desk and stood behind him, wrapping his arms around Remus’s waist and undoing his jeans. Remus helped him pull them down to his ankles and he melted into Logan’s hands like putty as Logan rocked against him.
“Don’t tease, sir,” Remus whined.
“You teased first, Remus,” Logan reminded. He bit the side of Remus’s neck. “Did you bring-“
“Mhh, back pocket. I’m not an idiot.”
Logan reached into Remus’s back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a condom packet. His fingers caught another foil packet that he pulled out too. Lube. “You came prepared for this.”
Remus spread his legs apart when Logan tapped his hips. He felt cool fingers press against him and he shivered. “Of course.”
“Horny fucker,” Logan chuckled.
“You love it.”
Logan rolled his eyes as he prepared himself. Remus wiggled his hips as he waited, jumping when he felt the head of Logan’s cock push into him. He cursed quietly under his breath and pushed his hips back. Logan’s fingers dug hard into Remus’s hips and Remus bit back a moan when Logan’s hips snap forward.
Logan stayed like that for a second, leaning forward to growl in Remus’s ear, “Don’t cum until I tell you to.”
Remus couldn’t argue. Logan straightened himself back up resumed his thrusts, shifting his position slightly until he heard Remus gasp and swear, biting down on the back of his hand so hard that Logan worried for a second that he might draw blood. He’d worry about that after.
“Now, what was it you asked for?” Logan asked, one hand moving from Remus’s hip up to his hair again. His fingers tangled in his hair and he gave it a rough tug, pulling Remus’s head back a bit. Remus whimpered and pushed back again. “Fuck you until you’re crying?”
Remus whined and nodded as best as he could. Logan grinned.
“How long do you think that’ll take, sweetheart?” He asked, the slight hiss of the pet name sending a bolt of arousal through Remus’s body. “Look at you, you’re already tearing up.”
“Nngh, sir-“ Remus gasped when Logan tugged at his hair again, harder, and exactly as he hit just the right spot. He could feel the warmth in his stomach, the slow build up as his cock twitched against his belly. “Please, I need- I- Fuck, sir.”
Logan’s way too pleased at the desperate whining and whimpering coming from under him. He knew he wouldn’t last long himself at this rate. He thrusted harder, faster, fingernails digging curved shapes into Remus’s pale skin and he prayed to himself that the teachers in nearby classrooms had moved to the teachers lounge further down the hall for lunch because all Logan could hear was the partially-muffled moans from Remus, the slapping of skin against skin, and his own heavy breathing.
Logan felt himself twitch, his hips jerking and shuddering as he moaned and came. He pulled out of Remus and flipped him over, listening to the low whine from the younger male.
“S-Sir you can’t just- I wanna cum too,” He whined.
Logan raised an eyebrow as he cleaned himself off, tying up the condom and placing it into an empty snack wrapper to dispose of once he was done. Remus whined again and Logan looked down at him.
“You only brought one condom and I’m not risking a mess,” Logan explained before grabbing Remus’s hips and tugging him forward, kneeling in front of him. Remus’s eyes widened.
“Wait, you’re going to-“
“You want to cum, don’t you?” Logan said simply, his hand around Remus’s cock already.
Remus choked back a moan. “Y-Yeah, ‘course I do. But you said the first time you don’t usually-“
“You’re worth it. Now shut up and enjoy yourself.”
Remus opened his mouth to speak again but the words died on his lips, replaced with something between a gasp and a moan when he feels Logan’s mouth on him. It’s warm, wet, and Remus knows he’s completely and utterly fucked as soon as Logan’s head starts moving. He covered his mouth with one hand and the other moved to the back of Logan’s head, pulling Logan down a little more.
It doesn’t take much to push Remus over the edge. Despite sucking dick not being Logan’s preferred activity, he’s annoyingly good at it. He’d looked up at Remus through dark lashes, face flushed and lips wet, and Remus had gone wild. He came with a stuttered warning and the sight of Logan swallowing made Remus consider blowing him again just as a thank you.
Logan stood back up and wiped his mouth, pulling a slight face before straightening out his clothes again. He pulled Remus up to his feet and helped him tidy himself up too.
“You didn’t have to do that, teach,” Remus said quietly, but he couldn’t help the fond smile.
Logan shrugged. “I wanted to.” He looked down at his watch and groaned. “I have a meeting with some of the other teachers in a few minutes. And I don’t want you to miss out on your entire lunch break.”
“Aww, shame,” Remus pouted as he moved to grab his bag. “But I’ll see you again tomorrow.”
“You will.”
Remus grinned. “I look forward to it!”
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Olive Garden Hell
Self Ship Fanfiction w/ @loving-azoth
Chrys yawned, adjusting her short blue zip up dress and brushing out her blue hair. Looking for Jake or Max as she walked down the stairs of the mansion from Jake’s room. “Yo! Where the hell is everyone?” She called, seeing Max and Jake playing Mortal Kombat on the TV in the living room.
“Hey, we have to leave soon.” The girl said, adjusting her hair clips and tapping Jake’s shoulder.
“Hold up-ohhh hey, look at you looking all nice and shit~.” He cooed, ignoring the game that had all of his attention on beating his miniature ‘rival’ until he heard the TV ring out “FINISH HIM!”
“You son of a-!’
“HA! Got ya ginger slim shady!” the brunette barked out her insult with pride. Jake tossed the controller on the ground standing up to be with his partner. He wore a semi-nice jacket for the evening, yet still looking like a brute.
The brunette was admiring her winning, arms raised as she cackled, jumping up from the floor. Adjusting their sweater, that sat on top of a white button up. A look that was foriegn to the shortest member in the room. Eager to go to the restaurant just to get out of this outfit later on.
Wesker walked downstairs, hearing the yelling and other such things. His trenchcoat swishing as he fixed the collar of his white button-down.
The older male pinched the bridge of his nose at the loud commotion going on in his living room.
“What is going on in here? Are you three even ready for dinner yet?” He sighed. “We have reservations at 7pm sharp and I don’t wanna be late.” He looked at his Apple Watch. “Jake, what are you wearing? That is hardly appropriate attire for a restaurant.” He then looked to Max with a softer smile.
“You look dashing Max.” He said, coughing slightly in embarrassment.
“Dashing my ass, looking like a Sunday School kid. Ya’ sicko.” Jack snickered as he crossed his arms, staring at the man wearing the iconic trench coat. “What do you got against me, old man, looking like you're about to take over the world by midnight.”
Chrys just giggled softly, smiling. “Jake, you look nice..” The girl hummed softly. “Max also looks nice, let’s all chill the hell out here.” Chrys looks to Wesker. “He do be lookin’ like he’s gonna take over the world thou..but in like a good way.”
Wesker rolled his eyes and sighed tiredly. He was so done with this shit.
“Let’s all get in the Porsche.” Wesker said, they weren’t even at the restaurant yet and he already wanted the bill to leave said restaurant.
“Max is sitting up front with me.” The blonde male said, putting on his sunglasses, his son following suit also putting on sunglasses.
“Better not be seeing anything past G rating up there you two.” Jake snickered to himself, placing a hand on the back of his partner’s shoulder. Leading to the expensive ride. As Max got ready to open the passenger seat he snapped his fingers, motioning her to inch closer as he murmured. “Ya know what I mean, That office is far from sanitary, and we don’t have time to get this car detailed soon sweetheart~”
This caused the brunette jaw to slack open, sliding inside of the passenger side of the car silently. Face erupting a rose red.
This caused the merc to laugh out loud as he opened the door for his significant other, allowing them to seat inside.
“What a gentleman.” Chrys teased and kissed the Merc’s cheek and laughed softly, looking to the two up front as she scooted in.
Wesker, who had heard the comment, rolled his eyes.
“At least we know how to keep the noise down Jake.” He smirked. “You two can be heard from the otherside of the mansion.”
“Enjoy it while you can, Who knows when you’ll need that viagra old man!”
Chrys snorted and kicked her legs, giggling. “Oh my fucking God!”
Wesker chuckled slightly at that. “Max dear, I think we need to start being louder to match those two’s energy huh?”
Max spazzed in the passenger seat, arms flaring until they covered her ears and face. “I see none of this, I hear none of this!”
Jake began rocking the back of Max’s seat laughing as he mockingly made ‘intimate’ sounds.
“Malibu’s most wanted shush!!”
“Make me Father Fucker!”
“Can we please God just have one normal night out, I swear to God.” Wesker said, Chrys whining softly at the ‘yelling’, she knew they were joking but it was loud and Wesker was getting annoyed and she was having a little sensory overload.
Chrys kind of hid into Jake’s chest, shaking slightly. “Ya’ll calm down challenge.”
“Alright, Alright! We can continue this later.” Jake laughed more quietly and he rubbed Chrys’ side taking the time to calm the destruction of the car. This gave Max embarrassment time to die down as well. Taking a glance at her partner in all black then immediately looking away. Thanks to the merc her thought process was a bit less than clean. Though it will get better once they get to the restaurant.
The car stopped at the Olive Garden, parking in the front space. The four exited the vehicle as Chrys adjusted her dress, fixing Jake’s jacket and brushing it down. “You’re a mess.” She teased to the male.
Wesker took Max’s hand, leading her into the Olive Garden as they walked inside.
“Can we get three menus and a kids menu for my son.” He pointed to Jake who was holding Chrys’s hand and kind of staring into space.
Jake blinked for a moment, hearing the snide comment, taking this opportunity to use this against Max. “I’m sure we could use two menus Daddy Dearest~”
Max stiffened like a statue that decorated the establishment her grip tightened around Wesker’s she glanced up at the ginger merc and calmly said.
“I enjoy using the crayons sir.” She smiled, hopefully diverting the remark.
Chrys rolled her eyes. “Can I actually like get some crayons though? I brought my sketchbook and I didn’t bring any coloring supplies.”
“Jake behave yourself.” Chrys said. “Both of you.” She looked to Wesker as well.
“Four menus and two sets of crayons please!” Chrys hummed.
The Hostess nodded awkwardly and led the four to a booth in the back, running away as quickly as possible.
Max glanced through the menu, then around the restaurant. “I feel extremely outta place here. Its so fancy”
“What do you need a Kiddie Meal?”
“I was gonna take yours, but I feel you clearly need it much more Sir.”
“Don’t try and smooth talk outta this with using titles you’d give my dad.”
Immediately she was defeated, burying that reddened face in the menu staring at the italian dishes before her.
“Jake, baby, honey, darling. You also like being called Sir.” Chrys pointed out, immediately knowing she wanted cheese tortellini, not even looking at the menu. “I know what I want.”
Jake stiffened slightly at the last remark, coughing awkwardly as he nodded. Rubbing the back of his neck, trying to compose himself. “Ahem… What were you getting babe..?”
“Cheese tortellini!” She bounced excitedly, smiling all preciously. “But with no meat sauce, just regular spaghetti sauce.” She said.
Wesker sighed, not even commenting on whatever the actually fuck was going on.
“Dear, have you decided what you want?” the male asked the brunette, taking her hand and rubbing her knuckles with his fingers.
She nearly melted at the subtle gesture of his, nodding quietly as she pointed at her decision on the menu. “The usual spaghetti with gravy.” She said
The merc who quieted down his bickering and playful shenanigans skimmed the menu, looking and browsing. “Eggplant parmesan for me, I’m getting some wine too.”
“What color?”
“Red duh. Goes with the meal.”
Wesker sighed. “Bold of you to assume you’re getting wine with how you’ve been acting kid.” He scoffed and looked at his son, who glared back at him.
He looked back to Max with a softer expression, ruffling the girl’s brunette hair and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “You sure you don’t want something more expensive?”
Her head nodded quickly, her meak behaviour becoming more docile at the small displays of affection the male gave her. If the bottle of wine was at the table, there would surely be a competition on who is the reddest in color.
“I--I’m sure...Thank you. Wait--a tea too please, raspberry kind.” She stumbled over her words, her brain short circuiting from his soft gestures towards her.
Jake coughed, wanting attention once more, “Yo- If you two are done being smoochie babies, I’m getting that wine, If not i’m snagging it from your office later.”
Chrys rolled her eyes as the waitress came over, everyone ordering, Wesker letting Jake have one glass of wine.
“One glass, you may have one.” The blond said, rolling his eyes at the threat.
Chrys leaned against Jake more as she pulled out her sketchpad, sketching some people around the restaurant, mostly just sketches of Jake though, he was fun to draw, man.
“This is utter chaos already.” Chrys said sleepily, sipping on her Diet Coke.
Wesker nodded in agreement. “We can never have a normal dinner.” He added.
“Gotta make up for all those dinners you missed with me old man.” The merc snickered, watching his significant other sketch away with the crayons. Chin resting on his hand as he stared in awe. Enjoying the little moment of her just drawing.
Max watched as well, enjoying that Jake wasn’t roasting the heavens out of her. Taking a moment to look up at the blonde, then looking back down immediately as their gaze met for a moment. Taking her tea and sipping straight from the straw. Quenching her thirst, inside and out. Hopefully.
Wesker once again ruffled the brunette’s hair, humming softly as he sipped his own wine.
--
“Dessert?” The waitress asked, the dinner being surprisingly nice.
“I want chocolate cake..” Chrys mumbled, looking to Wesker who nodded in agreement.
“Do you want any?” He asked the shortest female, his eyes falling onto hers.
Hearing the mention of dessert and the following title of cake, made her eyes widen staring over to the male in all black. Immediately that was a yes from her, no questions asked.
“Only--if that’s ok-if it’s unless its too expensive I’ll wait until we get home!”
Jake had no hesitation and just went “Oh my god-Yes.... Give me that cake, that sounds fan-fucking-tastic” He sighed, being a rarity to indulge in dessert and sugary consumptions. Being a merc and having to maintain his physique for missions. Rarely ever having a soda. Not because he didn’t like them, no he loved them. He just had to be mindful. “Cheesecake for me. I hope you don’t mind I’m snagging a bite from all of yours”
“Language.” was all Wesker had to say to that, nodding.
Chrys hummed, kissing Jake’s cheek softly. “You can have some of mine.” She said gently, never being able to keep that ‘tough girl’ act up around him. He could always see right through it.
They all ordered their cakes, getting them about ten minutes later.
Wesker took a piece from his cake on his spoon, holding it up to Max’s mouth.
Max eyed the spoon, then up to the blonde. Becoming flustered. It was only a spoon, with cake. Yet it was always so intimidating to her. She held his hand holding his wrist, as she took the offering of cake. Many times this gesture has happened and it still made her a mess.
Jake was scarfing down the sugary masterpiece of cake, as if it was the last thing in the world. “Holy shit--goddamn that is fantastic-babe please, i never say please but can i get a piece of that. Oh my god.”
Chrys handed the rest of hers over to the Merc, smiling warmly.
“No no...just a piece- i’m just taking a sliver” He spoke, his actions following his words. “see - see… just a sliver.” He said, taking his spoon, slicing the cake and taking it, pushing it back to his partner. “It is dangerous here, oh god that cake, get that away from me.” He said as he ate the piece he swiped.
“Babe, you’re not even a Merc anymore, why does it matter?” She asked, cocking her head.
Wesker chuckled softly at his son, smoothing out his hair and pulling off his trenchcoat as it was getting hot in the restaurant.
“She’s right, you stay at home all day playing video games with your girlfriend.” Wesker added.
Jake waved his finger in the air, “Ah-I got to maintain a rep.”
“Wait--what reputation. You roasting me all day, or you losing in Mortal Kombat?”
Both hands of the ginger held the table, his head tilting. “Oh...you want some more pip squeak?”
“You guys, no that’ll ruin the trip dudes.” Chrys said, taking Jake’s hand and leaning against him, nuzzling into the nape of his neck. “Calm down Jakey.”
Jake sighed then nodded, “alright-later. You-me, later.”
Max just stared at the male sitting across from her, then mumbled. “ I don’t wanna see you later. Simp”
He blinked then looked over to the blue haired companion. Needing help on this one. “The hell is a simp?” He asked, these newer lingo and slang not coming to him. Barely understanding 80’s lingo.
“You’re nice to me for sex.” She explained, giggling. “That’s a Simp.”
“Oof.” The brunette said quietly sliding in her seat ever so slightly, not wanting to look improper next to the sophisticated man beside her.
“I-what--I’m not nice cause-a That..babe-no- what. Fuck you I’m not this shrimp.”
“Simp”
“Whatever midget.”
Wesker pulled the brunette closer to him, wrapping his arm around her waist. “Calm down kids.” He said, sipping his wine. “Why is Chrys the only well behaved one out of all of you?”
Chrys grinned, giving finger guns. “Trauma, baby.”
“Gotta whip yours into shape, that's on your end blondie.” He scoffed, taking a drink of his glass of wine.
“At least I’m not ginger.” Wesker smirked, reaching a hand out to ruffle what little hair the “merc” had.
“Sounds painful.” The brunette commented, on the remark, then sat quietly in thought, shaking her head. “You and ginger hair...No offense but--no sir, please no.” She mumbled, staring at the blonde.
Wesker just laughed, like a genuine happy laugh at that comment and kissed the girl’s forehead. “Precious.” was all he said. “You’re precious.”
Chrys just smiled at the two, humming.
The waitress came over, handing the bill to Wesker who put three one hundred dollar bills onto the check-book and handed it back with a smile.
Max stared wide eyed at the money she saw then back at the male beside her. “That--was a lot, oh dear.” She said softly, then immediately added. “I’ll pay that back somehow oh geez--three hundred for some spaghetti….aaa…”
Jake was shaking his head. “That was three dollars, at most.” he snickered as he swayed a bit, taking another sip from the glass, having asked for a refill when the blonde was in the restroom earlier. The rougher looking male not used to alcohol in his system, even though his appearance would say otherwise. “Geez, how did grapes get this good, fuck juicy juice. That stuff is shit.” He mumbled as he eyed the contents of his glass.
“Please say that's not me when I’m tipsy, the most I did was asked if Charlie Sheen was my uncle…” The brunette questioned.
Chrys just took the wine from Jake and kissed his lips chastley. “That’s enough for you hun.” She laughed softly.
Wesker nodded in agreement.
“Wha--babe that's mine...Tha--that’s mine.” He whined, staring at the drink that was once in his hand, now in his significant other’s grasp.
“Oh dear.” Was all that Max uttered. Watching the drunk complain.
Chrys just chugged the rest of it, which was almost a full glass. “Now it’s mine.” She hummed, smirking cutely. “Sorry, thems the rules.”
Wesker sighed as the lady brought the bill. “Alright kids, let’s ride.”
“You're not Vin Diesel you bitch.” Jake scoffed, wiggling out from the booth, barely able to stand upright. How two glasses of grapes made him this drunk was incredible.
Max stood beside her partner, watching the taller ginger, sway. Until he snagged the keys from the blonde. “Fuck-ya I’m Vin Diesel, see this head” He laughed, rubbing the fuzz on his dome. “ This is Diesel.” He swayed, until Max swiped the keys away once more. Causing the male to pout. “What--No..I wanna drive. That...I drive bikes man.”
Chrys panicked until her friend grabbed the keys from her drunk boyfriend, sighing in relief. “Jake baby, you’re wasted. On one and a quarter glasses of wine.” She commented. “No driving right now..I’ll be sad..” She pouted cutely.
Wesker rolled his eyes as he held Max’s hand, his fingers again rubbing the knuckles of her hand as they all started walking to the Yellow Porsche, it was around 8pm now, night had befallen the area as the glow of the streetlamps poured out small patches of light.
Jake swayed while walking, eyeing the Porsche. “This shit ugly.” He slurred out, pointing at the expensive vehicle. Max shook her head with a laugh then glanced over to the blue haired companion. “Psst….Not to be a rude being, but--He’s a drunk ass…”
Jake turned his head then exclaimed, “My ass is fine!”
Chrysanthemum just laughed softly at Jake’s and Max’s comments. “Your ass is fine, and yes I am aware, this is why he’s not allowed to drink.” She said, playing with the male’s fuzzy head. “Jake, get in the car please.” Chrys said and pushed him inside.
Wesker groaned in annoyance. “I wanna go to bed.”
“Its only 8--aw ok. You can sleep,” Max said quietly as she sat in the passenger seat, Jack sat beside the brunette, while nuzzling against his partner. Humming like a car. “ I wanna drive~ I’m in a car~” He sang drunkenly while hugging his significant other.
Max turned her head slowly. Watching the duo in the back. Her brows furrowed and holding back a laugh, then looked over to the blonde. “I’m thankful I don’t drink more than a sip--even though it could be amusing from what I'm seeing.”
“I’m in a car~!” Jake sang, while making car noises, his one hand waving in the air as if steering the vehicle that was still parked. “Yo’ babe. Lets--lets get turnt tonight!” He snickered to himself as his head further nuzzled into her neck. “Am on a shoulder~”
Chrys’s face turned a bright red at the usually affection withholding male, he was an extremely affectionate and silly drunk, the absolute opposite of his normal attitude.
“Y-You’re already ‘turnt’ enough darling.” The bluette said softly, kissing his forehead, looking at Wesker in the rearview mirror, pleading for help.
“This isn’t my issue Chrys.” He said, smirking. “Have fun with him.” He cooed, starting the car and looking to Max. “I feel bad for her, but not bad enough to help.” He grinned.
Max tried to stifle a laugh then looked back over. “How---how does one help with drunken Jake?” she asked looking to her friend, while Jake held her tightly. Singing the song from Lion King. “Can you feel~ The Love tonight~ Yo’ Yo’ Dad! Fuck Scar, that you!”
“Scar...The lion? Or…”
“The midget knows! I Know my dad is a Scar the lion! Long live my ass!” Jake whined out. Burying his face in the crook of Chrys’ neck. While his hands played with hers
“You’re a lion now?” Max asked, looking to the blonde driving.
“Apparently.” Was all the blonde said on that subject, sighing. “He’s limited to one glass of wine from now on.” Wesker said, parking the car.
Chrys’s face was a neon red, an obvious glow to her cheeks rose as the male was affectionate to her, he was never ever like this. “J-Jake..” She mumbled out, biting her lip.
Wesker just chuckled. “She’s as red as a tomato over there. Pure.” He said, opening the car door for Max, holding his hand out for her to take.
She thanked her partner, taking his hand as she was hoisted from the seat. Standing beside the blonde. While watching the back door slowly open. Jake sliding from the seat an ever so small. “Wee” Coming from the male. As he emerged from the vehicle onto the concrete leading to the mansion. Once his bottom connected to the ground he rolled over, eventually standing up. “I...am free.” He said, with all seriousness, until a giggle came from him.
“I’m scared now.” Was all that Max said, staring at the merc in the dim lighting. The front door light and car lights illuminating the group.
“Be afraid pipsqueak, I...am...SIMBA!” He roared and broke into a sprint for the front door, a sudden thud erupting.
“Yo...who locked this door. It hit me.” He whined, rubbing his face.
Chrys walked out of the car and up behind him, unlocking the door and helping the shit-faced merc up. “You’re a disaster..” She sighed.
“So….Uh….Next dinner date-somewhere that doesn’t serve the 21 and over juice.” Max said softly, watching the drunk at the front door with his other half. Somehow going on about being Aladdin.
“Yo-yo--how does genie get so blue, it's like your hair….” He said, his head returning to the shoulder of his partner.
Chrys’s cheeks lit up even redder as she helped the male into the mansion, sighing exhaustively and taking him to bed.
Wesker sighed as he led Max into the house, picking the girl up bridal style and carrying her up the stairs.
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I’m always here for Reddie and stanpat. So. reddie & stanpat Conception AU
ashbot you’re the only one who truly loves me sometimes ❤️just a heads up, it’s a lil nsfw, so dig on this:
the story starts with mike teaching a classroom of 5 year olds, and he wraps up the lesson with, “any questions?” and little 5 year old Elton raises his hand and goes, “where do babies come from?” Mike’s face proceeds to drop to the floor
another little kid, Emmy, goes, “I’ll draw it for you Elton, it’s real weird.” AND NOW MIKE PANICS AND TAKES THE PAPER AND TRIES HIS BEST TO EXPLAIN, “it’s not weird! it’s... normal.” and a third kid (Cher) chimes in: “my daddy said the mommy poops out a baby” and Mike resists the urge to roll his eyes
cue title card and now we cut to our first couple of the story: stan and patty. now they’ve been trying forever to have a baby, but they’re struggling. patty is a doctor and stan is an environmental science teacher, they’re doing well, and now they’re on a special plan to get pregnant bc they’re ready, it’s time
so he comes in with the fertility shot, patty’s leaning against the bed, and he’s clearly nervous but this is his wife, he loves her, he wants this baby too, so he’s gonna help and he says, “i’m really afraid i’m not gonna be good at this.” “i’m afraid of that too babe.”
she instructs him tho, “hold it like a pencil, stick the needle in really quickly- like a dart, check for blood, and if there’s no blood then push the medicine in.”
“... okay but... if there’s blood... i might pass out. Maybe I should put some pillows down like a stuntman-”
“am I just gonna have to do this?” “No!” and she held her hand out to take the needle back but he just high fives her and counts down, “Three, two, two and a half-” “Stan.” AND HE STICKS HER AND SHE STARTS SHOUTING AT HIM
“OW, FUCKER!” “YOU SAID LIKE A DART!” “WELL NOT LIKE A FUCKING JAVELIN!”
stan, perplexed, stands there and patty shouts, “WELL PUSH THE MEDICINE IN.”
stan, still shaken: “OKAY, OKA- CAN YOU BE NICE TO ME?!”
“I HAVE GOT A NEEDLE IN MY ASS RIGHT NOW.”
“Oh babe there’s blood, I’m gonna be sick.”
And Patty is rolling her eyes while Stan needs to take a breather bc he really can’t handle the blood
NOW SCENE CUT TO REDDIE where it’s a little less romantic, a little more Fight Club
richie planned a whole day bc at the end, their surrogate was supposed to call to let them know which designer baby was chosen - so, richie’s spermies for a boy or girl, or eddie’s spermies for a boy or girl
but eddie comes storming into the house to see his boyfriend - not husband, but boyfriend - on the couch, and he marches straight to the bedroom to grab richie’s bat, comes back out, and smashes the tv
“WHOA, EDS, WHAT THE FUCK-” “GET YOUR SHIT OUT!” “YOU JUST SMASHED A THOUSAND DOLLAR TV-” “GET IT OUT, I’M CALLING OUR SURROGATE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE, JUST GET OUT! IT’S OVER!” he slams the door to his room, leaving richie dumbfounded, but ofc he comes right back out
“you didn’t even ask why i smashed the tv, you just said ‘that was a thousand dollar tv’!” ofc richie’s gonna bite back tho, “okay, fine, let’s ignore the property damage. eddie. what’s wrong?”
“YOU! You took my money-” “our moneY? in OUR bank account?” “and who put that money there? what’d you spend it on, richie? baseball? football? fucking ice skating-” “I’ll get it back-”
“great! mail it to me!” and again, he storms off. so obviously they’re in a pickle but more on that later.
BACK TO STANPAT BEING GREAT, Stan flops on the bed and groans, “this baby making stuff is really hard.”
“yeah but now comes the fun part.” “you’re gonna watch me play video games?” “no, we’re gonna have sex!”
stan doesn’t look as excited as patty hoped and she’s confused as he covers his face and goes, “babe... i kinda did it, with myself, in the bathroom-” “YOU MASTURBATED? WE’RE TRYING TO HAVE A BABY, YOU CAN’T-” “YOU LEFT SOME KIND OF WOMEN’S CATALOG-”
“No, take your clothes off-” “Pat, respectfully, I have to take a raincheck-” “No! Take your frickin clothes off, you’re fucking me!” and ofc stan is pretty turned on by his wife being bossy, he can work up another small soldier in his pants maybe... probably... hopefully
so while they’re waiting for him, patty explains all the stuff he can and can’t do
“you’re gonna need to drink plenty of fluids, cut back on things like flaxseed-” “aw babe, I love flaxseed.” bc stan got jokes and patty just stares at him before adding, “and you gotta switch to boxers, the testicles need less restraint-”
“babe, i know you’re a doctor and you have to say that at the hospital, but when you’re at home, could you call them balls? like, stan your hot sweaty balls aren’t good for making babies-” “babe, i have to fuck you right now, stop.”
their banter is everything, and as they climb into bed, patty stresses that missionary position is more likely to get her pregnant, and stan is skeptical, “that just sounds lazy on your part.” but alright! and they do the do, and eventually patty tells him she orgasmed and stan is AGAIN SKEPTICAL
“what? no! You scream a lot when you orgasm-” “oh that’s just for show”
stan found dead in his bedroom
“this baby making stuff just keeps getting better and better.”
and as patty is lying there, hips elevated to help the spermies flow their little way up the pipes, she looks at stan and smiles, “i know this is a lot babe, i’m sorry. I just really want a baby.” and stan smiles back and kisses her hand, “i know pat. me too.” “will you stay with me?” “of course.” and they get to lie there together and be cute
NOW BACK TO REDDIE WHO ARE CLEARLY HAVING ISSUES BUT, EDDIE COMES OUT AND THREATENS TO CALL THE COPS, BUT RICHIE TAKES HIS PHONE AND ASKS, “WILL YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT STARTED ALL THIS, EDDIE? PLEASE?”
and eddie slumps against the wall and explains, “I thought having a baby would fix things. I thought I could get over your aversion to getting married, but I’m sitting at the stoplight, and I realize... everyone’s going somewhere. Everyone’s moving, but me.”
“Well that’s what you do at a stoplight-”
“Shut up Richie.” and Richie tries to reach out to touch Eddie but Eddie kicks him away and scoots to the other side of the wall, leaving Richie to sit in his spot
now they’ve been together since high school, they’re thirty now, and richie still hasn’t hinted at marriage. Eddie’s been ready since 24, and six years is a long time to wait for someone to mature. He really wants this baby, and he really wants a life with Richie, but he doesn’t know how to stop wanting to get married. If Richie doesn’t want that, where does that leave him? he doesn’t know if he can wait much longer for this man to be ready to grow up and start a life
so Richie sighs and goes, “I didn’t spend the money on sports stuff or gambling.” and he pulls a little velvet box from his pocket and slides it over and Eddie’s eyes widen and all Richie can hear from him is, “ohhh”
“I hate you, Richie.” and Richie snorts bc he loves Eddie so much, he knows that EDDIE KNOWS, he’s in the wrong. not richie. “I’m sorry-” “I love you, Eddie.” “I snapped-” “Clearly.” “That was really extreme-” “You’ve always been extreme. You threw the first rock at Stonewall- I mean, Henry.” “Shut up.”
and they start smooching on this apartment floor, but it quickly turns into a frantic fuck bc MAKE UP SEX!!!! WOO WOO!!!
when richie’s in the tub and eddie’s washing his hair, they get the call and the surrogate tells them she chose one of each bc the doctor said it was a maximum of two, they’ll find out in two weeks if it worked and then later, what they’re having!
cut to a couple months later, patty comes home and slams a sonogram on the table for stan to see, and he’s fighting the biggest goofy grin, “what’s that?” “a tumor.” and ofc he’s :/ “no it’s not.” “no it’s not!”
meanwhile, eddie is pacing in his apartment while richie lies on the floor and the surrogate is on speaker, “I didn’t think both eggs would plant! You guys are sure you can handle two kids?”
NOW, FINALLY, CUT BACK TO MIKE. THE BELL RINGS AND HE BREATHES A HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF. ALL THE KIDS RUN OUT OF THE CLASSROOM TO THEIR PARENTS.
Emmy runs off to meet her mom and dad, Patty and Stan Uris
Elton and Cher are hoisted up by their dads, Richie and Eddie
the four of them wave to their old friend, Mike
the end :3
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Episode 6x06 Personal Narration
I wanted to narrate my thoughts and such on this episode because it is the first episode of the season with our knowledge of Bob and Eliza’s marriage! Spoilers below!!
John already looks frustrated with Jo! Good!
Sleepless is common? Cool fact....?
Lightning round! lmao
Yes, Clarke is fairly awesome! John don’t be a dick about it!
Madi....you know....your kid....LOL John
Poor Madi!
They are starting to suspect......
You tell them Madi! Be your commander self!
Creepy dark commander! Don’t hurt my little girl!
Kinda disappointed it didn’t say Eliza Morley or something. I knew, logically, it wouldn’t, but still.....would’ve been cool!
Family meeting!
Yesssss....where IS Bellamy?
Awww, poor Echo thinking she was ditched.
Raven sorta referring to Clarke? That’s kinda nice.
You so should be a little guilty about some of the things you did Raven! You are really making it hard to love you. I mean, I get it, girl. But she isn’t even Clarke right now. Save your energy.
You probably won’t find him Echo. Good luck!
Yes, John defend your man! lmao
“That seems a tad impulsive” lol
“We’re all the hero of our own story, John.” Great line!
Ohhhhh.....John playing a part to fool Bellamy. BAD MURPHY! You should be ashamed of yourself for fooling your man!
Awwww......pooor Bell! Don’t cry! Hopefully we can still get Clarke back!
Yes, Bellamy! Burn this fucker to the ground!
Ohhhh....bringing Bloodreina back! Good segue!
Love this new partnership between Octavia and Diyoza!
Fascinating? Fucking weirdo! lmao.
Lol Diyoza! Get those virgins!
COMMERCIAL Break #1 Thoughts So Far? I need chocolate. I will help Bellamy burn this place to the ground. I really hate the angle Murphy is playing and he better fix his ass real quick! LOVE OCTAVIA AND DIYOZA! I need a drink.
New engineer guy is hot. Though pairing him with Raven would be predictable. Please don’t do it....the writers are probably going to do it.
Yes....you DO force people.....will you turn when you realize that Clarke was forced?
206? Damnnnnn......
Echo. I do love you.
Ewwww.....that poor man! Give him mercy, Echo!!!
See.....poor Echo understands mercy.
Why stop?
He chose this path? Fucking psychopaths!
You go be your badass self Echo!
COMMERCIAL Break #2 Thoughts? Commercial already? That was really quick! I really do look forward to Echo’s story. Do I want her with Bellamy? hell no! But not shipping a ship does not mean you can not like a character (or characters) separately from each other. So, yes, I’m excited for her backstory/flashbacks/memories and her evolution this season. Are we going to see more of Bellamy this episode? Is Murphy going to continue to be a manipulative ass? Is he hiding his true intentions from even us (the audience)? I sure hope so!
There’s Bellamy! He looks ready for war!
“It’s too bad we can’t ask her” Kill me Bellamy.
Yes, Bellamy. Question Murphy!
You are so GOOD Bellamy!
You are such a liar Murphy!
Him continuing to bring up Clarke is ship goals! BELLARKE!
Don’t you dare use Monty’s name in vain, Murphy!
This is so NOT how we do better, Murphy!
Poor Bellamy’s world is falling apart.
“Don’t we all....” Fucking savage Diyoza! “Screw redemption!”
She’s probably going to eventually join them. Haha
Yes, Diyoza is protecting her new baby, Octavia!
Healing tree sap! SO COOL!
COMMERCIAL BREAK #3 Thoughts? How are these coming so quick now? Weird thought--can you make that sap into syrup for like pancakes and shit? Just curious. I’m not hungry. A pregnancy commercial about preventing pregnancy because the commercial girl says she can’t even take care of a plant? IRONIC AND HILARIOUS after scene with pregnant Diyoza! lmao. Bellamy is the reveler of truths! He’ll catch on to Murphy’s real game soon. He’s pretty much caught on to all of it by now.
More Madi badness?! I hate.
Yes, where IS Clarke? That is the real question!
Awwww....Madi’s good memory! LOVE! SO SWEET!!!
Why does that phrase work? The Flame is a chip essentially. But the chant is very witchy.
LEAVE MADI ALONE!
Do you guys think Madi might turn dark when she finds out about Clarke being taken over by Josephine?
“Clarke’s not here.” More than you think......more than you think.
Those messages are so BRAINWASHY!!! EWWW!
Bat your eyes a little more Josephine. That’ll convince them you’re Clarke!
Even her facial expressions are so un-Clarke. You people suck at realizing this shit! Abby....she’s your fucking daughter! You should know better!
You’re right Abby....IT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE CLARKE!!!
Don’t let your love for Kane blind you from the truth Abby!!!
“I wasn’t aware we needed saving.” YES ABBY! USE THIS INFORMATION! Read the fucking SIGNS!!!!
Wow.......Josephine is almost convincing as Clarke when she fake cries. Almost.
COMMERCIAL BREAK #4 Thoughts? DAMN Eliza deserves all the awards! Playing a new character trying to fake being a different character. But more so, playing a different character in a show where she is familiar with one character (Clarke) and then flawlessly switching to Josephine’s character, and the struggle Josephine is having with pretending to be Clarke. GIVE HER ALL THE AWARDS!!! Is anyone frustrated with Abby not recognizing her daughter is not her daughter? I mean, I know she is going through shit, but my mother would know if I wasn’t acting myself. She knows when I’m having a mood through a non-descriptive text some days. What is her excuse?
Prime family? Pffft
Eliza is doing fantastic showing how ditzy and psychopathic Josephine is.
Eh....now they’re erasing themselves? Is that what they are doing?
You tell him, Raven!
“Is this your last body?” Great question, Raven! Love you for this, girl!
OHHHH. Echo is knowing shit!
Echo your azgeda is showing! LOVE IT!
Echo knows!!!!! Good job, my girl!!!! Love Echo for this!
Echo’s relief that Bellamy is alive is heartwarming. Still don’t like them as a couple. But love them as a family unit of sorts.
Ohhh. Josephine, don’t you go torturing my Bellamy!
OHHHH! It’s this scene! YOU STRANGLE THE HELL OUTTA HIM, Bellamy!
Russel. It’s kinda hard to hate you, but you are still a murderer so......your remorse isn’t good enough!
Wow. Josephine, you really are a manipulative bitch!
I’m really scared we aren’t getting Clarke back.....GUYS are we getting Clarke BACK??!?! SOMEONE GIVE ME HOPE!!!
Is Octavia dying? SHE BETTER NOT DIE! OHHHH.....cut it off? DAMNNNNN!
What the hell did she draw?
A message from what?!?!
Aliens? Do they have aliens?
COMMERCIAL BREAK #5 Thoughts? So is the anomaly an alien thing? Cause it seems like an alien thing. Is anyone else losing a little hope of getting Clarke back? I want to say with the trailer showing her flashback of Mount Weather, and the return of the actor that played her father, is hopeful because maybe those are guiding points for Clarke inside her head. That she is still mentally there, but just pushed behind a screen somehow. And the only reason Russell and the other Primes don’t know is because they never tried to bring someone back.
Ohhh, Echo is back!
So when do we attack? Yes, Echo! Attack!!!
NO DO NOT GIVE UP BELLAMY?
How are you going to tell Madi?
Awww Madi hugging Bellamy is cute, but I want a war! GIVE ME CLARKE back!
Aww....yes Bellamy cry for Clarke!!! But do not mourn....fight for her!
Yes, be MAD Madi! I don’t want evil Madi, but I do want Clarke back!
Ohhhh banishment? At least she didn’t kill her? I guess....?
OHHHHH! Yes.....kill THEM ALL, Madi!!
This is a very eventful last five minutes!!!
What is the pill she took for?
OHHHH Clarke?!?!?!!?!? YESSSSSS!!!!
LEXA AND BELLAMY ARE BOTH ON THE WALL!!!!! Those are the images she focused on most!
LOVE THAT NEW TRAILER!!! CLARKE IS GOING TO FIGHT FOR HER MIND! YESSSS!!!! PROOF SHE IS NOT DEAD!!!!
#beliza#bob morely#eliza taylor#the 100#6x06#memento memori#bellarke#memori#john murphy#jo!clarke#raven reyes#echo#abby griffin#bellamy blake#clarke griffin#emori#marcus kane#octavia blake#charmaine diyoza#season 6#the 100 spoilers
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< mr s4 spoilers >
hey so here’s my running commentary of 401 UNAUTHORIZED under the cut
Does USA’s audio sound awful for anyone else? Unbearable echo-y?
These foley artists on Price’s footsteps though good shit
OH MY FUCKING GOD OH NO NOT SO EARLY NOT SO NOT SO HOLY SHIT FUCK
WE KNEW BUT SO FUCKING SOON???????
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOVE HER YOU JUST LOST VIEWERS FOR THE SEASON ESMAIL DAMN
Oh shit the new G...G name guy for Whiterose
WHO ALSO HATES ELLIOT? Wow. Whiterose has a trend with assistants who hate Elliot deeply. They must all love her in some capacity.
“My dear Elliot”
HE WILL NOT ENJOY HIS CHRISTMAS YOU KILLED HIS BEST FRIEND
love this credits in the middle thing tho.
GIVING US TIME TO GRIEVE are you YA SICK BASTARD
Oh damn Dark Army owns fred
ANOTHER FUCKING PEDOPHILE WHAT THE FUCK WHY ESMAIL WHY WHY WHY
Thanks MR. Glad you also hate pedos.
I WAS JUST TAKING A MOMENT TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT I GIVE A FUCK. I DONT.
Imagining this in Elliot’s voice is so good too.
YOU FUCKER ESMAIL YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN HIS NAME? DOES HE HAVE A NAME? HE DOESNT CALL HIMSELF MR OR HE WOULDNT HAVE SCOFFED AT KRISTA TWICE?
Subtitles called Tyrell a CEO instead of CTO. He would gag at the thought.
HE HAS A FUCKING BLUETOOTH oh no it’s one earbud. I love my dad.
AS FAR AS YOURE CONCERNED IM EVERYWHERE
EYYYY NICE MR NICE
Is Ed actively gonna get this guy killed just to meet with Dark Army
WORKING TOGETHER YAAAASSS HEY BABE HI ELLIOT DAMN WOW NICE
THANKS I LOVE IT
THE OPPOSITE OF THANKS I HATE IT
EXCEPT ABOUT ANGELA
Fred Elliot already knows that shit.
YUP SEE HE SAYS IT
Stop lying Fredward. He’s fucking lying. I know he’s lying. He just wants to kill Elliot in an abandoned alleyway.
OH SHIT THE BADGE
hdjshd Fred figured it out.
OHHH SHIT BYE
ELLIOT IF YOU CHECK IT OUT THEN DARK ARMY WILL KNOW YOU KNOW SHIT MAN
Ty-Rell Ty-Rell Ty-Rell!!!
How’s baby gonna let off some steam huh? Is he okay? Cry? Break things?
I LOVE THAT MUSIC THO TAP TAP MOTHERF— oh no Dom is ill from being evil all the time
Is that Ed??????? In Dom’s house???
Oh omg. Jdjshdjdjd it’s a plumber
Glad the plumber is...being cool abt that fjdjdj
Omg in the abandoned Allsafe—
I love them working together fuck.
I LOVE THAT THEYRE IN THE DAMN ALLSAFE OFFICE.
Ed doesn’t wanna rush in? Good. Character development.
I love their diff in philosophy damn. Ed’s confusion abt Elliot’s stance on bad people dying.
Do either of them know about Angela though?
Oh shit there it is.
IM DONE WITH THERAPY SESSIONS. AHHHH.
And you know Ed is the one having to eat and keep them healthy since Elliot is “only focused on Whiterose and the 1%.”
OH SHIT THEY DONT KNOW THEY MEANT SOMETHING F— OH.
Oh shit. No you didn’t baby.
ED HAD TO TAKE IT ELLIOT COULDNT DO THIS, SHIT. FUCK. HES DONE THIS BEFORE HES ALWAYS DOES THIS FOR DARLENE.
ELLIOT GETTING PISSED IS WORSE. ELLIOT GETTING PISSED AND IN DARLENES FACE IS WORSE THAN ROBOT. ITS WORSE.
Their apartment is fucking nasty, thank you set designers.
Ed don’t start. Ed. Oh. That’s not a bad idea. WAIT WHAT WAS THAT WAS THAT ANGELA FIGHT CLUB P.ENIC PIC STYLE FUCK YOU ESMAIL.
ED HELLO DARLING. THANKS FOR TALKING TO US.
Ed drawing attention to the quiet ass hallway. Good. Love the colors.
“No shit.” “Ah, fuck.” I love them. “Did you hear me?” Ed checks the window all paranoid. baby.
Ed’s back in his hobo gloves Yassss gotta add that to my cosplay
ITS AN IRL HONEYPOT STFU DAMN
DAMN SHIT
DAMN
HIDE BOYS HIDE
OH SHIT THEY DIDNT HIDE IN TIME.
SHIT.
FUCK.
Mm that subtle homophobia from a family friend. Cool. Or a relative. Nice. Feels organic.
HDSJHDS AND THE JOKE DOESNT LAND JESUS.
Where’s Irv?
JDJSD WHY DID THE MOM SHARE ALL OF THAT. Also “a promotion” fjsjdjdbd
YES GIVE DOM A FRIEND
BUT NO NOT THAT ONE
OH FUCK. SHES DARK ARMY OH SHIT.
OH SHIT.
SHE TAXADERMISJFHSJFJDJDHDJSHD PEOPLE
AND THERE’S IRV BUT DIFFERENT FUCK
hdjshdjs Flat earther’s tho
Oh no Angela’s ballet shoes :( fuck you esmail :(
Godddddddddd Darlene
GODDDDDD WTF ARE THEY DOING TO ELLIOT
Omg. Elliot they don’t give a shit about that. Oh poor thing. Nopeeeee they’re killing you......
ESMAIL ABT TO KILL HIS OWN BOY DAMN
GOODBYE FRIEND
OH FUCK
OH FUCK
ALFRED HITCHCOCK UP IN THIS BITCH HOW YOU GONNA GET OUTTA THIS ONE ELLIOT IS IT STRONGER THAN MORPHINE??
YUP IT IS
Oh shit there he goes....
Oh my god Krista? OH SHIT ITS HIS MOM OH SHIT ITS FJDJDJD
THE TEAR
HAHA YEAH RIGHT
FUCKING BITCH
I LOVE YOU BITCH (Esmail)
AINT NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BIIIIITCH (Esmaaaail)
Oh hey Price
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As a demon, Beelzebub had a specific image to maintain. The sort of image where she didn’t get all hot and bothered over the thought of a certain Archangel flushed and wanting under her hands while she took him apart bit by bit. The sort where just the thought of him gasping for her didn’t leave her tugging uncomfortably at her collar, and she certainly didn’t make an effort in the privacy of her office just so she could bring herself off to a memory of his cries.
No, a prince of hell shouldn’t do any of those things.
(Of course, she could easily spin it so that her demons thought she was just playing some sort of sadistic game, using the Archangel for her own pleasure, pulling his strings- so to speak- but something about that left a bad taste in her mouth. She wasn’t ready to admit it, not even in her own thoughts, but that wasn’t what any of this was about.)
“Just call him already,” Dagon snapped, the fifth time she wandered into the archive to bother the closest thing she had to a friend Down Here.
Beelzebub snapped her mouth closed around a reprimand. How had Dagon known about them at all, let alone that she was trying to distract herself from how much she wanted to see him right now?
“You’re not subtle,” Dagon said, by way of explanation. “And who do you think keeps track of incoming and outcoming calls Down Here? It’s certainly not Hastur, that idiot barely knows how to file his own reports, let alone keep track of everyone else’s. Just go call the heavenly dickhead, I know you want to- and get out of my hair!”
It was a fair point. Beelzebub turned around and walked out.
-/-
In her office, Beelzebub sat back at her desk and dialed Gabriel’s number on her cordless- her phone was rather old-fashioned, and Gabriel kept pestering her about getting a proper one, but she liked this one, and anyway, this one did the job just fine, so what did it matter?
Gabriel’s number rang a few times without answer, before clicking over to an automated message- recorded in his own voice.
Hello, the message said. Your call is very important to us Up Here, so please wait on the line until your party can be reached.
“Dickhead,” she muttered, leaning her chair back and folding her arms, cradling the phone between head and shoulder. For a long time there was only the sound of creaking as her worn out desk chair rocked back and forth, and a canned recording of ‘Favorite Things’ that she supposed was meant to be pleasant to listen to for whoever had been put on hold.
After about twenty minutes of this, she dialed again and shifted the phone to the other ear, pouting when she was once more shunted to hold. “Fuck,” she growled, brushing a hand across the front of her trousers. Why hadn’t she waited till they were together to put her effort on? This waiting, this runaround- he must know it was her calling, why was he leaving her on hold?
This time she waited nearly half an hour before trying again, sure that this time he’d answer-
Hello. Your call is very important to us-
Angry buzzing filled the office as she rose her shoulder enough to keep the phone in place, and her other hand slipped down to unbutton her trousers.
“Fucker.”
He must know what he was doing.
-/-
“Beez!” Gabriel said, picking up the phone while Beelzebub was miracling away the mess she’d made of herself.
She huffed into the phone, making sure he knew how annoyed she was at his runaround. “About time you picked up, wank-wingz. It’z time for your monthly performanze review, we need to meet up zomewhere.”
“Oh,” and she hated how smug he sounded on the other end. “That time already, is it? Where would you like to meet?”
“My flat will do. You know the address- how soon can you get away?”
“As soon as you like. Meet in an hour?”
“That’z fine. Zee you then.”
-/-
It would take him nearly another hour to get to her, Beelzebub knew. She stood in the little flat she kept for the sake of earthly business- and Gabriel- and tried to think what she had in mind for this meeting.
A lazy wave of her hand brought a folder to the desk set up in the corner- this was a performance review, after all. Other than that, she had a bottle of whiskey and a couple shot glasses, and the duvet was pattered from some terrible image she’d found on the internet, a four-panel comic page that she didn’t understand but that Crowley had at one time assured her was enough to drive plenty of people who understood it to rage.
That should do. Wouldn’t want to look like she’d put any effort into it.
It took nearly an hour before there was a knock on the door and it opened to admit Gabriel, flushed to the neck, tie loose and sweat beading on his forehead. Judging by the tell-tale tenting on his trousers, he’d enjoyed her own little runaround, or, well, probably enjoyed wasn’t the right word, but it was having the desired effect, so she’d chalk it up to a win.
“Gabriel,” she said. “Zzzit-“ She broke off, and took a long, deep breath, and tried again. “Sit down, please.”
“Since when does this building have a receptionist?” he asked, taking the indicated seat. “She wouldn’t let me up until my number was called.”
“She’s a real stickler for organizzation,” she says, letting her voice drop to a purr on the last word. A few more beads of sweat spring into place on his temples. She smirks at him. “There’z a right way to do things, after all...”
“Right. Uhm.” He clears his throat. Loosens his tie a bit more. “So. Performance review?”
“Right.” She reaches over to pick up her folder, at the same time he sets his own onto the desk. “Let’z begin.”
-/-
“Third point. Last time we were together you said, and I’m quoting, ‘Oh yeah, talk organization to me, baby’.” She raised her eyes at him, and gave a disdainful sniff while he at least had the decency to look embarrassed. “It’z nice that you like it when I talk organizzzation, but I don’t like being called ‘baby’. I am not a baby, far from it.”
“That’s fair, I was just trying it out. Is it just that word, or are petnames of any kind off the table?”
“Hmm.” She made a show of consulting her notes. “You have, in the pa-st, called me ‘dear’, ‘my love’, ‘beauty’, ‘lovely’, ‘darling’, ‘pet’, and ‘Beez’.”
“Yes.”
She frowned. Shifted uncomfortably. Seeing the names all together made her- well, she felt weird.
“...I like Beez,” she mumbled, turning the page hastily.
-/-
“Sixth point,” Gabriel said, flipping to the next page in his folder. “Your dirty talk tends to involve a lot of calling me a bad angel.”
“I’m pretty sure nothing we do is particularly angelic,” she said, drawing the word out with an attempt at a smoulder. “If it is, heaven has a changed quite a bit since I was there.”
“To be fair, it hadn’t been invented last time you were there. In fact the Almighty doesn’t mind if we, you know, make an effort, as long as we don’t get involved with humans.”
“Your point?”
He flushed, and looked down at his notes. He’d manifested a pair of reading glasses at some point; they were completely unnecessary, except that she found them infuriatingly irresistible, and therefore were entirely necessary.
“I’m not a bad angel,” he said.
“Ohhh, you’re very bad,” she purred, and made a note on her file. “But noted.”
-/-
“Eleventh point,” she said. “You get very clingy after we’re done.”
“I like holding you,” he replied, completely unashamed. “Especially after.”
“Why?”
“Contact? It’s nice. You’re warm. And... small. You-“ He made a vague circling motion with his arms, miming a hug. “You fit.”
“I... fit?”
“Here.” He tapped the middle of his chest. “You fit here. I like that.”
She looked down at her own file, cheeks pink. “I don’t.”
He made a mark on his folder. “Noted.”
-/-
“Point fifteen,” he said. “I’ve noticed you have a tendency to start buzzing when you’re getting really caught up, but then you stop.”
Her shoulders stiffened. “Ye-es...”
He raised his head to meet her gaze. “You can let go here, Beez. It’s okay. With me- it’s okay-“
This whole thing- the performance review- was just a game, really. Oh, not a roleplay, they were being sincere, and it was something they both enjoyed, for their own reasons, but the act of the review was a game. See who could break first. Which of them would get so overwhelmed they’d throw the game aside and initiate the contact they’d both come here for.
This time, it was Beelzebub who broke, clearing the space where her desk had been until just a heartbeat ago to crush her mouth against his, hands almost tender on either side of his jaw while she half-dragged him up, up from the chair in a way that could not possibly be comfortable for a corporation as tall as his.
“You win,” she buzzed against his mouth. “I ffforfeit. Now take me to bed you zzzztupid, zzzztupid angel.”
-/-
She sprawled on her front, hugging the pillow against her while he traced patterns onto her back with feather-light touches. She could just barely make out that he was making shapes against her skin, letters, and if she strained she could follow some of them- but she knew, in a part of her that she tried to keep buried, that she wasn’t ready to acknowledge, exactly what he was spelling out, in every language that existed on the earth by the feel of it, and so didn’t try to work them out. He was just making shapes. That was it.
A shiver rippled across her skin, and she turned to him with a sleepy look. Sleepy and sated, she could just about stand the soft way he was watching her.
“Point one- You always miracle my suit onto a hanger,” he murmured. “Point two- you’re never stingy about your effort. Point three...”
“What are you z zaying?” she mumbled.
“It’s called positive reinforcement. I’m giving you a bulleted list of things you do that I like.”
“We don’t have pozitive reinforzement Down There.”
“I know. It’s new Up There, too. Point three-“
“Zzhut up. I’m trying to zzleep.”
He leaned over to press a soft kiss to her forehead. “All right. Sleep well.”
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It Always Gets Stranger
Mike’s family is going to Maine for the summer. Sometimes, things take a turn for the worst.
CHAPTER 6
read on ao3
read chapter 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5
words: 2162
warnings: homophobic / racial slurs (Henry Bowers, basically)
BEN Hanscom was a patient person. If anyone was to describe him, that was the word to use.
But when his yearlong friend, Richie Tozier, showed up at the quarry an entire hour late with six more people than expected, Ben’s patience was being tested.
“What the hell, Richie?” was Eddie Kaspbrak’s greeting to the boy, and he smiled sarcastically, showing off his slightly over-large incisors.
“Well ya see Eds, I was busy sayin’ goodbye to your mom and I lost track of the time-”
“Beep beep, Richie,” Eddie and his group of friends chorused, used to the antics of their trashmouth friend.
“What’s with the entourage?” Stan asked from his spot on a nearby rock, which he had taken to sitting on for the last half hour of waiting. The group of silent kids behind Richie shuffled, and Ben watched as a kid with wildly curly hair exchanged glances with a tall black boy.
Said boy spoke up, seeming to take leadership. “We’re friends of Mike, Richie’s cousin.” The boy motioned to another, who looked very much like Richie.
“Well, friends and cousins of Richie, welcome!” Beverly said from next to Bill, flashing a smile toward them. A couple of the strangers reciprocated, the curly haired kid and a girl with brown hair just as wild.
The air fell silent after that as everyone yook in the faces of new, and Ben did as well. There was also a girl with vivid red hair that could rival Bev’s, the long tresses pulled back into a ponytail. Next to the boy who looked like Richie (Mike, Ben was proud to remember) stood a kid with round eyes and a wary smile, his hair framing his face in a flattering way. A bird chirped and Stan’s head turned to the sound.
Surprisingly, Bill was the person to break the awkward silence. He motioned to the redhead’s shirt and asked, “Y-you like Eh-Eh-Elvis?”
She seemed to ignore his obvious stutter. “Yeah, I love him. You too?”
“Oh, I c-can never s-s-st-s-stop lis-listening to h-h-hi-him! The Losers ah-are always ann-an-annoyed at me,” He beamed. “Oh, and I d-d-do-don’t buh-buh-believe I caught your nuh-nuh-name.” She opened her mouth to speak as the curly kid beat her to it.
“She’s Max. I’m Dustin. And did you just call your friends ‘losers?’” Ben noted that some of his teeth seemed to be missing, and he had a slight lisp.
“It’s what we call ourselves,” Ben spoke up, and he felt slightly uncomfortable with so many new pairs of eyes focused on him. “The bullies called us ‘Losers,’ so we took the name as our own.”
“Original,” Max spoke up. “Our bullies just call us—”
Richie cleared his throat loudly, not in a way to get something out of it, but to draw attention to himself. “Uh, hello? Less chatty-chatty, more swimmy-swimmy? Come on fuckers, we’re losing daylight!” Richie strode over to the side of the cliff before anyone could point out to him that they had hours to swim.
“Wait, you’re gonna jump off of that?” Mike spoke up, a shake to his voice. He exchanged glances with Dustin and the unnamed girl, and Ben sensed that they had a story to tell from it.
“What’s wrong, Micycle, ‘fraid of heights?” Then he said quieter, “If he shits himself, it’ll be hilarious.”
“No, I’m not! I just… um… it’s a long story,” Mike defended himself.
“Probably about the diving board to the public pool, amiright?”
“Shut up, Richie. Not the time.” Eddie rolled his eyes.
Bill put a reassuring touch to Mike’s arm. “Do-don’t worry, Muh-Mih-Mike, we’ve all done it be-before. It’s perfectly safe.”
“But—”
“It’ll be fine, Mike. See? Watch.” Max pushed past Richie and took a large leap into the water. Everyone ran to watch her fall, and she let out a “Woo!” as she disrupted the water with a satisfyingly large splash.
“Holy shit!” Richie exclaimed. “That was really hot. Is she single?” Richie cringed away as Lucas punched him in the arm. The unnamed girl shook her head and jumped after Max. “Holy shit, is she single?”
“Beep-fucking-beep, asshole.”
“Aw, come on, Eds. I’m just asking a question you all know you wanted answered.”
Stan shook his head, the curls bouncing along. “Weren’t you hung up on Eddie’s mother ten minutes ago?”
“The past is in the past, Stan-the-Man.”
Ben looked at the others. “Wanna jump?”
Dustin grinned, his cheeks pulled up and his eyes crinkling. “Thought you’d never ask.”
Everyone’s feet left rock and flew through the air into the water, multiple cries of “Holy shit!” and “Woo-hoo!” being shouted into the air.
Ben did a head count, and, coming up two short, he looked back up at the cliff.
Two tiny figures stood, and Ben could see the dark hair and pale skin even from a height like that.
Richie and Mike seemed to be arguing, hands waving and voices carrying down the cliff, although Ben couldn’t decipher what they were saying. Ben saw hands connect a chest, and one of them came flailing down the cliff with a strangled “I’M GONNA KILL YOU, RICHARD!” The second figure followed, and Max gargled on water as she let out a laugh when Mike hit the water.
…
Lots of water-splashing and chicken-fighting ensued after that, and the twelve kids took to lounging on the rocks as they dried off and music from Richie’s boombox filled the air.
“So… what brings you guys to Derry?”
Stan had known about Richie’s family situation, as he had complained to them over and over since he’d gotten the news. He (and the rest of the Losers) had no idea as to why they had come.
“My mom,” Mike had spoken up. “She wanted to visit her sister and my entire family was dragged along.”
“Yeah, and we didn’t want him to be alone all summer,” Lucas elaborated.
“Sorry Rich,” Bev turned to the boy with magnified eyes, “if you have to leave for the summer, we’re ditching you.” Richie glared and everyone cracked a smile.
The air fell silent again, save the boombox blasting one of Richie’s many mixtapes.
“Is it true that Derry has twice the average amount of deaths than the national average?” Dustin burst out randomly, as if he was waiting to pop the question all day. The losers’ heads turned to Ben, knowing he was the library feel out of all of them.
“No, actually. It's six times.” Dustin's eyes widened, like a little kid that got what they wanted for Christmas.
“Totally tubular,” he smiled at Lucas and Max, although nobody else seemed to get the joke.
…
On the walk back, Eddie has a feeling of something being… off. When he asked Bev, she just shrugged, saying, “You always feel like something's off, Ed. I bet it's nothing,” and she pushed his shoulder in a sisterly manner.
“She really think shes gonna come outta that school?” Eddie turned at Stan's voice, his gaze fixed on a lone woman sitting on the steps of the empty school, hopping up peeking through the doors as if waiting for someone who was late.
“What? Who’s ‘she?’” the short boy, Eddie learned who was named Will, wondered.
“Betty Ripsom,” Beverly said to him. “She went missing a few weeks ago. That's her mom over there.”
“It's as if she’s been locked in a janitor’s closet for the last few weeks,” Eddie muttered, looking at the mother who was hiding on to a nonexistent thread of hope that her daughter was lost at school, that's all.
“Do you think they're actually gonna find her?” Stan spoke aloud to the silent group.
“Sure,” Richie started, and Eddie prepared himself for an offensive comment. “In a ditch, all decomposed, covered in worms and maggots and smelling like Eddie's mom's underwear.” Richie motioned to Eddie, who shivered at the idea.
“Shut up, this is freaking disgusting.” Eddie shook his head to rid himself of the image, filled with millions of deadly bacteria.
“She's not dead, she’s mm-meh-missing,” Bill said defensively, glaring at the bespectacled boy.
“Sorry, Bill,” Richie apologized, his extra-large eyes seeming to come into focus as he adjusted his glasses. “She's missing.”
Eddie was surprised. The only other times he'd heard Richie apologize was once to the principal for selling candy from his locker (after his mother forced him to), and once to a streetlight that he thought was a person after he ran into it. It was a thing of Richie's: he just didn't apologize to things because he usually didn't feel sorry.
But of course, Bill was always sort of treated a little like glass since what happened in October… Eddie still remembered the phone call and how Bill had to hand the phone to his mother because he was stuttering so badly.
“They’ll find her,” the curly-haired girl said, and Eddie was startled to realize this was the first time he’d heard her speak. She had a soft voice, and it reminded Eddie of a warm cabin in the woods that he had never been to before. She spoke with a sort of certainty to her voice that made it sound like she knew Betty personally, and had seen her. It was quite calming.
“Should we tell her about the shoe?” Ben was still staring at the mother, who glanced at the group before turning back to the school.
“What shoe? Did you guys find something?” Lucas asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“W-we were in the ss-sew-sewers yesterday,” Bill explained. “Looking f-for…” he took a deep breath, “no one.”
“‘Looking for no one.’ Wow, that’s not sinister sounding at all.” The redheaded Max shook her head as Lucas nudged her in the arm. She sighed. “Sorry.”
“Is that how you guys spend your summer?” Dustin asked, crunching down a granola bar that Eddie didn’t know how he got. “Inside of sewers?”
Richie was silent for a heartbeat before, “Beats spending it inside of your mother. Ohhh.” He raised his arm for a high-five to Stan, who grabbed it and yanked it down.
“Woah,” Mike said, looking at something Eddie couldn’t see, “Nice car.”
They all turned, spotting a blue Trans Am, and Eddie’s face paled. “W-we should get outta here.”
“Why, Kaspbrak?” a sneering voice spoke. “’Fraid you’ll go missing too?” Eddie turned around, spotting Henry Bowers standing just a few feet in front of the group. How he managed to sneak up on them, Eddie had no idea, and he sometimes wondered if he had the ability to teleport.
Riche let out a choking sound as the back of his shirt was yanked backwards, and he fell spectacularly into Stan, where they both landed on the ground with an almighty “oof.”
A large belch sounded right next to Eddie’s ear, and he cringed away from the sound and the hot breath, gagging as the boy, Belch Huggins, let out a big laugh.
“Knew he was a bottom,” Patrick said as Richie tried to get up off of Stan, and Victor Criss, another one of Henry’s goons, pushed him back down. Patrick kicked Stan in the arm. “Fuckin’ flamer!”
“And who have we here?” Henry said, looking toward Lucas, who had a scowl set on his face. Eddie wouldn’t put it past him that he would punch Henry if he had the chance. “You seem far from home, dontcha, Midnight?”
“Eat shit.”
“Oh, you think you’re all high ‘n’ mighty, don’t ya?” Henry said in that menacing voice of his. “Newsflash, kid: you don’t belong here. Stay out of this town. Or you’ll deserve what’s comin’ for ya.”
“Hmm, what else’ve we got here?” Victor seemed to have snuck up behind Max, and he had a handful of her hair in his fingers. She yanked herself away from him, turning around and stepping on his toes.
“Leave her alone!” Dustin said angrily. Henry’s gaze turned to him, and Dustin’s bravery seemed to melt.
“You seem to be missin’ a couple ’a teeth there, Curly. Shut up if you don’t want to lose some more.”
“Ss-sss-sshut it, Bowers!” Bill said angrily, his mouth seeming to not agree with his words as he spit them out. Henry turned around slowly, that threatening look back in his eyes.
“You suh-suh-say somethin’, Buh-Buh-Buh-Billy?” he strode over to the boy until they were inches apart. “Yeh got a free ride this year ‘cause ‘a your little brother. Ride’s over, Denbrough.”
Eddie knew he was going to do something horrible like he always did, but a police cruiser had rode down the street, slowing down while going by the kids. His father, Eddie thought to himself.
“This summer’s gonna be a hurt train. For you and your faggot friends.” He walked away and toward Belch Huggins’ car, but not before licking his hand and wiping it on Bill’s face.
The kids all watched them ride off.
“Wish he’d go missing,” Richie commented.
“He’s probably the one doing it,” Eddie said thoughtfully.
~~~
@cactus-byers
wanna be tagged? Just ask!
#it x st crossover#it always gets stranger#it 2017#stranger things#the losers club#mike wheeler#lucas sinclair#dustin henderson#eleven#jane hopper#will byers#max mayfield#richie tozier#eddie kaspbrak#ben hanscom#beverly marsh#stan uris#bill denbrough#henry bowers#patrick hockstetter#victor criss#belch huggins#quarry#betty ripsom#derry maine#bichie#for like three sentences but you can feel the romance blooming
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Lucky
Prompt : Jason Todd may have the worst luck ever, but it doesn’t mean it bring bad things to his life.
A/N : Grammar mistakes of course. || Jason POV
Song: I don’t need a reason
Pairing : Jason Todd x Reader
Warnings: FLUFF
Word Count: 2913
My heart was pounding in my chest, I took big breath as I looked at my surroundings until I saw Roy, he nodded with his head and I closed my eyes. I focused on my heartbeat trying to calm down.
’Todd, this isn’t the first time, you have this’ I told myself over and over again but it was impossible to stay calm. IT. WASN’T.
I opened my eyes again and I felt dizzy, I didn’t felt well, everything was in slow motion I didn’t want to keep moving but somehow my legs started moving, I was walking, so the best I could do was try to stay calm, but my shaking hands said otherwise.
I was reaching my target when I slipped on the floor. And now everything was on a speed camera. What happened?
Well, before I started walking, some random dude threw his coffee on the floor, so an employee went from a mop, on those flashing seconds I decided to step on the wet floor, I was shaking before that, so when I reached that point, I slipped. What happened after?
Well, I tried not to fall, but I made things worst. My hand reached the nearest table so I could hold myself but, of holy fuckers, my weight made the table broke and I heard a scream and crashing dishes.
I looked up and I saw the blonde girl leaving the coffee shop as she looked back at me, with disgust in her face. ’Well Fuck you, I didn’t want your number anyway’ I said to myself. I was still looking at the door where the girl went and I didn’t notice that someone was trying to catch my attention.
“Dude!” I looked to my right when I felt someone touching my shoulder.
And well, I wasn’t expecting this. I must have been blind all these hours, all these time I was looking at the wrong girl. This one was breathtaking, I could only see her face, but Lord help me, her (Y/E/C) were so bright, her hair looked so soft, her lips, okay, she was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, okay?! But… something was wrong, she looked down and I saw worry in her face.
“Oh, no, no no no no… FUCK” she said as she reached for something beside me.
I looked down and well, fuck. Apparently she was drawing and writing stuff in some paper sheets and well, after all my disaster, her coffee ruined everything.
“God, If you hate me so much, just kill me already” I heard the girl said under her breath as she took every ruined paper. By her voice I didn’t know if she was sad of angry, maybe both.
“Hey, I’m really sorry, I kind of slipped-”
“What? Oh no sense, this wasn’t your fault, just…bad luck for the two of us.” she said with a smile? I ruined her full work and she smiled at me?, who was she?!.
“Aren’t you mad or something?” I asked with an eyebrow raised.
“Hell I am, but it wasn’t intentional, just an accident, you know? this things happen” she told me with a sad smile.
“Still, I feel so bad, I ruined your work” I told her as I stood up, I gave her my hand to help her up.
“Hey, really don’t worry, It’s okay, nothing I can’t do again” she said with an awkward smile and I smiled too.
My eyes drifted to her soaked sheets and I saw some few doodles, well, they were more than that, they were masterpieces. She saw my eyes and she looked at the target.
“You are good at it” I told her while rubbing the back of my neck.
“T-thank you” she said with a smile as she started to blush. She looked at her watch, and she gasped.
“Fuck, I gotta get going” she said in a rush.
“Hey-hey, before you go, I really want to make it up for you” I told her with a smile, I held her wrist and she looked at me with wide eyes.
I saw her left hand holding all her things and a pen.
“Can I borrow your hand for a second?” I asked her with a smile, she nodded and I wrote down my number.
I let her go and she laugh as she saw the number with ’The bad Luck- Jason’ written above.
The first time I saw her and there I knew, I was going to fall hard for her.
“So, look, I’m so sorry Y/N, I didn’t plan any of these. If you don’t want to ever go out with me, I’ll understand” I told her with a sigh.
We were sitting on the floor outside my apartment wall… why? Well, just my luck striking once again.
After that time in the coffee we started going out, but all those times something bad happened, maybe we saw each other few hours (duty or work called every fucking time), I couldn’t talk to her because Titus broked my phone, every time I went to her place, her roommate told me she was at work, and when I was in her job she was doing a lot of stuff, and well with all the vigilante stuff I was busy too, so we haven’t seen each other at all, until today.
We planned a full sunday, sun was on top in the sky (something weird), and everything was going well, but few minutes later, everything went downhill.
We went to the park to have a cheesy picnic, she had a call and she excused herself to answer, meanwhile I took out everything. Truth be told I was distracted looking at her that I didn’t notice that a dog came I took all our food. ALL.
So next thing, we were starving and we went to a near and tiny restaurant. For our luck, the meal was kind salty so it was hard to eat everything, and then I noticed… I forgot my wallet on the apartment, so she paid.
So without my wallet, I didn’t knew what else to do, so we went to the Major and well, everyone was there and all the questions hit us. I could easily saw she was getting embarrassed by Dick questions so after a few hours we tried to left but ohhh, Titus came running towards her, she fell into the floor with Titus above her, he licked all her face, she was laughing, but when she stood up, her clothes were dirty with mud from Titus’ paws and some parts were torn. GREAT
So in the evening I told her to go for a walk, maybe the chilly air will made everything better, not even few minutes after the rain came down like a fucking flood. We ran back to my apartment, our clothes soaking and she started sneezing. Luck may hate me, but I didn’t found my keys, so yep, that’s the reason we are here outside, soaking, sneezing and with a headache.
“You are kidding, right?” she said with a chuckle, I looked at her confused.
“Jason, by far this have been the funniest date I ever had! Even when all this bad luck, I had enjoy every second” She said with a laugh, I couldn’t believe her words so I waited, maybe she would says something more.
“Jay, really, trust me. All my past dates wanted to go to cinemas so they could make out with me or pay a nice dinner so we could end on their rooms… I didn’t like that and I was tired, but you are different, I really, really like you” she said and her cheeks turned red.
“Really?” I asked her with a goofy smile.
“Well, Are you going to kiss me or what?” she said with a chuckle as she leaned.
All I know is that her lips were soft and full of love. I don’t know how many time we spent there, it was just perfect, it felt so good to be with her, like these.
For all the holy sake! Why everything goes wrong?! I thought as I tried to stood up from another broken window.
Let’s see, what happened these evening? oh yeah! I was doing my job as a vigilante when some ass shoot me, not one or two times, four fucking times, you gotta be fucking kidding me, I was just going home but NOOO, someone had to shoot me, FOUR FREAKING TIMES.
So after I get rid of that asshole I started running in the rooftops, but every passing second I felt more and more dizzy and I knew I was going to passed out in any moment, so when I arrived to the familiar neighbourhood I tried my best to sneak up silently by the window, of course, it didn’t happened.
I broke the damn window in million piece as my body came as a fucking bullet. GREAT.
“Don’t fucking move!” I heard her voice, I look up and she was there, few feets away from me, holding a baseball bat, how cliché.
“I need help” I said with, the pain in a voice was evident as I tried to move.
“That’s my line, jackass” she said, her hands holding tighter the bat.
“Y/N, it’s me” I said, at this point, I didn’t fucking care anymore, I didn’t want to die once more.
“…J-Jay?!” she said as the baseball bat fell into the floor.
I nodded with my head as I fell to the floor when my legs gave up, I passed out.
Hours later I opened my eyes, my body was aching badly, but I was resting in something soft, really soft, a bed?… I looked down and I saw her arm holding my waist as her head was resting on my chest.
How in hell did she managed to carry me? I thought to myself. My eyes were scanning my body, all my wounds had been treated rightly, some painkillers were on her nightstand… she, she took care of me.
“How you feeling?” I heard her morning voice and I chuckled, how cute she sounded.
“Better… you, you stitched me up?” I asked her curious.
“Yeaaah, that and more things, actually” she said with a sigh, she rolled her face to look at me, she looked tired.
“How long have you been up?” I asked her with a sad smile.
“I came to bed, like-” she saw her clock “maybe an hour ago” she said with a goofy smile.
“What?!” I asked her with my eyes wide open.
“Well, you were a bleeding mess. I cleaned you, I stitched you up, then I carried you here and well, I had to clean everything” she said, she wasn’t annoyed at all.
“So, care to explain why I cried for hours?. Seeing you that way broked my heart Jay, I thought you were going to die…” she said with teary eyes.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. she cried, for me. holy hell.
“I-I… Y/N, I will totally understand if you leave me right now-”
“Stop saying that! Stop saying I’ll leave you Jason! Haven’t you understand?! I love you Jason! I love you as I haven’t loved anyone, I love you and-”
I cut her there, after months of dating, we haven’t said those words, and still when she said them, I knew she meant them, every single one, so I kissed her hard, at first she tried to pull away, but she gave up seconds later. Her hands tangled in my dark hair as he pulled me close to her.
“I am the Red Hood, sweetheart” I told her when we pull away to take a breath.
Her eyes snapped open as she caressed my cheeks, a soft smile appeared on her lips, and soon, she kissed every each of my face while she giggled all the way, causing me to smile too and laugh.
“Can’t believe my luck! My boyfriend it’s a total badass!” She said before she kissed me hard on my lips.
We didn’t leave bed at all that day. Just, for you to know, and yes, I told her and I showed her million of times that I loved her
Four years has passed since the first day I meet her, and to be honest, things had been the same way. Bad luck was always there to bring the most special memories, even when I didn’t found how it happened. Tonight, wasn’t an exception.
“So, how may time until we can go home?” she asked me when I approached her.
“Like, two hours, if God wants, of course” I told her with a scoff.
“Well, that’s plenty of time” she said with a smirk and a laugh.
“Are you thinking about…” I said with a smirk catching her idea.
“Of course Jay! How many chances are there to have one of Bruce’s car, in a highway far away from Gotham, with no one around at this starry night” she said with a smile.
“So… you are naughty now, Y/N?” I told her as I kissed her neck.
“Oh my god Jason! I was talking about star gazing in the car roof!” she said with a giggle and a moan.
“Are you kidding me?” I told her with a laugh.
“Of course I’m not!, come on!” she said when she escaped my arms.
She went inside the car to put some playlist and then she climbed to the car roof. She looked at me and she smiled again.
“You can stare at the stars, Jay” she said with a chuckle.
“Or I can stare at you all my life” i told her as I climbed beside her.
“You’re so fucking cheesy, you know that?” she said with a giggle.
“Just for you, babe” I told her, I tangled my hand with hers and I gave it a sweet kiss.
I listen to her voice. She was talking about some stars that I didn’t saw, she pointed them with her finger, but… I only saw white dots. I didn’t care at all, I was so focused on her, how the moonlight danced on her skin, how it glowed in the night, her cheeks were in a beautiful shade of pink, her hand was warm against mine, her eyes were shining brighter than the stars, I couldn’t help it, I loved her and I will always do.
She started singing, so I focused on her once more, how sweet her voice was.
“I was gonna call you over last night, said we were having the same dream” She singed, her face turn towards me as she smiled.
“And yeah I’ve been sleeping on your side for some time, and I wonder are you thinking the same thing” she sang, but somehow I knew what she meant with that song.
“Maybe I tonight be your lover, Baby I don’t mind how your feeling shines, I don’t need a reason…” she sang as her eyes were glued to the night sky.
“I don’t need a reason” I told her, of course I didn’t sang the tune, I just said it as I realized.
She looked at me confused and still she was wearing the most beautiful smile.
“I don’t need a reason” I told her again causing her to focus on me.
“I have always knew, since the first time I saw you, that you were going to change my life” I told her with my voice full of love for her.
She sit on the roof as she saw every move I made, her cheeks began to take that shade of red that I loved so much.
“Still, after all this time, you have said to me, million of times about my bad luck. But… you know? I don’t believe it’s that, because… after all, that’s why we meet, why we kissed, all this bad luck only made me realize how much I love you… so” I sit beside her, by now she had teary eyes, of course she knew why I was telling her all of these.
“My luck happened to be good after all, I have the most beautiful girl by my side… Can I borrow your hand for a second?” she nodded with a smile as she saw our hands.
I grabbed her hand and I write on it before letting her go. She saw her hand and she gasped. Her eyes were full of tears of joy and she looked at me once again.
“A million times yes!” She said before she launched herself to me. She kissed all my face and then my lips.
“Babe, let me give you your ring” I said with a chuckle between kisses.
She pulled away, she looked at me with all her love in her face, damn. Really I had the best luck ever. I took out the velvet box with her ring, I took it out, and I grabbed her hand, I slipped the ring on her finger and she kissed me hard on my lips again.
“Can’t believe my luck” I told her between kissed once again.
She chuckled too, as well, we got inside the car as I thought was going to be at first place. Thank God that Bruce’s car died hours ago. But mostly thank to my bad luck to put Y/N on my path.
I don’t need a reason
I don’t need a night to make up my mind
I don’t need an answer
I don’t need a sign to make you mine
#jason todd x reader#red hood x reader#fluff#batman fanfiction#jason todd fanfic#jason todd fanfiction#jason todd#jason todd imagine#jason todd fic#dc universe#dc fanfiction#jason todd fluff#fanfiction#fanfic#fic#reader#stars#red hood imagine#dc comics imagine#red hood#batman#batman x reader
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I know tomorrow’s ep is gonna ruin me
so I might as well start a ~thoughtful post~ about it ahead of time.
Specifically, the thing I anticipate wrecking me the most is that Tohru's "let's go home" speech to Kyou isn't a love-and-acceptance speech.
It's a fuck-you speech.
I wanted to do a meta post about this because while this is a very powerful moment and gives me very powerful feels, I've also always kind of not got it? Like what makes this moment with Tohru special? Because she's scared? Other people were scared too, the fact that they tried to deny it kind of proves how scared they were. And Kyou said she didn't have to love everything and she kind of basically said "too bad I love everything anyway" so how was that a compelling argument? Everyone else here (Kazuma, Kagura) has behaved selfishly so why does Tohru's selfishness fix the problem?
Like with that Hiro post, I figure if I just keep pondering and typing eventually I'll figure it out and go "oh snap Takaya's brilliant"
Anyway.
I've always been tempted to read Tohru's "let's go home" speech to Kyou as a love-and-acceptance speech. Which is a waste of a good resource, and a huge disservice, because thinking that way tends to reduce Tohru to the Mary Sue stereotype that Hiro accuses her of being--all Tohru has to do is stand there and say a few nice things and suddenly everyone's problems melt away? Seriously?
((Doing more skimming research later in this post, it turns out I'd completely forgotten that Akito and Kyou literally have a whole conversation about this, where Akito's like "wow St. Tohru is unreal" and Kyou's like "you literally missed the point tho." My bias for Yuki as favorite character instead of Best Boy Kyou is unfortunately strong, guys.))
Which is probably why I find the True Form arc to be a bit forgettable when I don't have it open in front of me. And also why I've always found it a little illogical. While I love the end results, why is this particular love-and-acceptance speech, at this specific time, actually effective for Kyou?
Kyou's received a lot of love-and-acceptance speeches in his life, and to be quite honest he doesn't believe them. He has no faith in them. And he's got logic here.
Kyou's mother always told him she loved him, she loves her son, she's proud of her son, you're not a monster you're just...under an evil spell temporarily, and I'm not scared at all. She talked the talk, but Kyou was always sensitive to the fact that her actions didn't necessarily match her words (she was always, always scared, I think. Maybe a bit of Kyou, but mostly of her husband). And when it became too much and she gave up on herself and her future and took her own life, well. Kyou knew exactly how empty "love and acceptance" was.
Kagura was the first one to play with Kyou when they were kids, and she's devoted her life to telling Kyou that she loves him, she loves everything about him. But when she saw Kyou's True Form she ran away, kept her distance for a while, and then came back and pretended nothing had ever happened and restarted her dating campaign with a vengeance. It's not clear to me whether Kyou ever realized that Kagura started paying attention to him out of pity, but I suspect it's something he's pretty good at picking up on.
Kazuma adopts Kyou out of a mix of pity and an attempt to atone for his past behavior, like Kagura, and honestly I'd forgotten that Kyou literally says a couple of times that he suspects pity was a factor. But their relationship grows beyond that pity, even Kyou is sensitive to that, and it's not something he holds against Kazuma. So I'm sure Kazuma gives Kyou plenty of earnest love-and-acceptance speeches, given that he loves and accepts his son. But even so it's complicated for Kyou, and those speeches can't make Kyou love and accept himself.
Tohru, of course, gives all the Soumas plenty of love-and-accepting speeches, and Kyou is no exception, Kyou you have a plum on your back. This doesn't serve to make Kyou like himself so much as it serves to make Kyou like her.
This time, though. This time that's not the kind of speech Tohru gives Kyou. Look at Tohru's face, right as she turns around. She's determined and she's pissed.
This is a good character development for Tohru! I think this is her first real, stubborn attempt to be selfish without someone having pushed her towards it first.
Kyou has just hurt Tohru, physically and emotionally. Get the fuck away, he tells her. I can't stand you, he tells her. I don't ever want to see you again, he tells her, and if I do I'll take my claws to your face next time.
And Tohru starts to go. This whole thing is overwhelming and it's only been like 10 minutes and she hasn't processed at all yet. She's hurt, she's really hurt, but most of all she doesn't want to be a bother, she doesn't want to be a burden, she doesn't want to be hated, Kyou has clearly expressed his feelings and she should respect that.
And then Tohru stops and draws herself up and makes that face.
And runs back.
And grabs Kyou and tells him, fuck you, what about my feelings, come home. I literally don't understand what the fuck is going on, I'm sick and I'm scared and come home. I don't want you to give up on yourself, but you don't get to give up on me before you've even given me a chance to process this and decide if I'm okay keeping you in my life. And guess what, fucker, I still want you in my life so come home because I don't want to live in a house that doesn't have you in it. You told me to tell you that so listen. You have to return the favor and tell me when you're upset and let me care about you so just come home.
Obviously Tohru phrases it differently but I feel like that's the accurate gist of the hysterics lol.
Tohru doesn't say "oh it's okay I love you it's not...it's not that scary! Trust me!", which is a thing Kyou has learned not to trust.
Tohru says "I know this sucks but bitch what about me" which is, honestly, one of the things Kyou feels in regards to his mom that he's yet to unpack, so this really resonates with him. This is real.
(It's real and it's raw and Laura Bailey is going to destroy me and I can't wait to actually be debilitated by the True Form arc.)
I don't have a good transition but now I wanna talk about Kyou's relationship with pity
Pity in regards to Kyou is something that comes up a lot throughout the series. Kagura befriends Kyou out of pity so that she can feel good about herself. Kazuma pities Kyou after seeing the shit the Cat has to go through and takes him in. Kazuma worries that Tohru might only be with Kyou out of pity, like his grandmother towards his grandfather. I believe Shigure tells Tohru at one point "seriously did you really think we don't all know about Kyou and we aren't all pitying him and saying 'thank god it's not me, I'm getting off great compared to the Cat' to ourselves in secret?" And of course, Kyou himself says that he doesn't want or need Tohru's pity during the True Form confrontation.
Pity can be condescension and looking down on someone. Pity is something unequal, compared to compassion, something that might imply insult, something that's embarrassing to receive because it implies you can't get compassion on your own merits or your own level. And pity is something forced.
Thinking about this, I think Kyou can actually really relate to Rin (which might be part of why he was so jealous that she might take Shishou from him when Kazuma got concerned about her welfare, that similarity, in addition to the obvious fact that Kyou has just got a good thing and it's his good thing and don't take it from him). Rin's parents, presumably out of some combo of pride and pity and status, decided to force themselves to make a good show of being a happy family. And because they forced themselves to "love" Rin, it went to hell in a bullet train when it broke.
Kyou's mom went a similar-enough way. She tried to put on a show of normalcy, tried to force herself to be okay and say all the right, loving things to Kyou while her husband kept telling her that she'd shamed him, bad enough to have a cursed child but of all the Zodiac you gave birth to the cat monster, you should have died rather than have that child, we'd all be better off if you'd do us a favor and just die. And when the pressure got to be too much, she did just that.
So I think it's not unreasonable that Kyou might have separately come to the same conclusion that Rin does. Pity--forced love--breaks people. People who feel compelled to love you will get burnout and possibly explode and definitely have their lives ruined. (This is why Rin doesn't want to rely on Haru, doesn't want Yuki to rely on Haru, doesn't want anyone to rely on Tohru.)
This is, I think, half of why Kyou distances himself from people. Half of it is to protect himself, because obviously he doesn't like getting hurt. But half of it is to protect other people, because he doesn't want them getting hurt.
He does it with Tohru, trying not to get close to her (he already killed her mom, the least he could do is just never get involved with her again), trying to run her off during the True Form arc by hurting her so badly that she won't regret having nothing to do with him again. He does it to Kazuma, yelling "He's not my dad!" so people will stop saying the shit they associate with Kyou to Kazuma as well (directly after the True Form, Kyou levels up his character development and tells Kazuma that one day he'll be worthy of calling Shishou his dad in public, which is good, although the fact that Kyou still thinks he is currently not someone Kazuma can claim as a son without shame is a development Kyou will have to work on later).
And, ohhh shit, I'm pretty sure Kyou does this with Kagura too. Kagura says that Kyou is the first one to pull back after their own True Form incident (she later admits to herself that no, actually, the first one to pull away was her because she never invested herself in their friendship in the first place because pity). And that is probably, again, partly because Kagura freaked out and ran off and just left Kyou there, and Kyou doesn't want any further rejection from her. Partly because it probably got around, and Kyou's dad made sure Kyou's mom heard about it, and Kyou's mom tried to make peace by keeping a tighter rein on Kyou.
But before the incident, Kyou and Kagura are really good friends, and Kyou really enjoys being with her. After the incident, after they mutually avoid each other, after Kagura comes back around and pretends that nothing happened, after Kagura reaffirms that she loves Kyou no matter what, that's when Kyou starts pushing back for her to leave him alone.
Maybe it's just Kyou's usual touchiness and I'm reading too much into it. It's not terribly long after the incident that Kyou's mother ends her life, and Kyou's being blamed for it instead of being allowed to grieve, and he blames himself, and after that he's a different kid and he's really prickly and quick to anger around everyone except Shishou.
But I don't think it's unreasonable to put forward that Kyou still liked Kagura as a friend, and he saw how Kagura reacted, and pretending nothing was wrong was part of what killed his mom, and if he still likes Kagura as a friend then the best thing Kyou can do for her is to shove her forcefully away from him, over and over, until she stops associating with him and getting hurt because of it. Before she gets hurt badly.
Like I put somewhere in an earlier post, Kyou doesn't like Kagura romantically. He certainly doesn't like having his space violated and his feelings ignored. But he (grudgingly) lets her get a way with a lot that speaks to a certain tenderness towards her. Especially later, during Kagura's confession--he's not warm and he's not close and open to her, but he also listens to Kagura, he forgives her, he says thank you, and when she runs to him he lets her cry into his shirt until she's through. You aren't that accommodating to someone you don't care about.
(On the flip side, it occurs to me that--for all that Kagura is a jealous rival of Tohru for Kyou's love--Kagura doesn't come around and act like it much. As Tohru points out, Kagura's really been holding back. I think that Kagura's being honest when she adds at the end of her confession that she really did come to love Kyou after all. It's unrequited, and she's always known that, and she's been struggling with it since Tohru came into the picture. But I think deep down she does like Kyou enough to want him to be happy, and she's realizing that he might be able to be happy with Tohru in a way he can't be with Kagura, and it's super embarrassing and painful to have to admit that to herself, but she's been working on letting go even though she herself doesn't want to be doomed to a life of unloved loneliness, which is what she believes will happen if she lets go of Kyou. Kagura, like Hiro, has character development struggles that are mostly internal.)
Things I only just realized about Kyouru
I have talked before about the fact that Kyou and Tohru's relationship works because they can get to the heart of each other and really see each other and connect on the same level in a way no one else does with them. What I did not really think of, at the time, is that Kyou and Tohru are actually very similar. They actually have a very similar problem.
Which just goes to show my intense Yuki bias, because Kyou has flat-out said over and over again that he believes himself to be a burden and I guess I didn't notice??
And I've just spend so much time saying that this is Tohru's biggest anxiety.
They differ a bit in the execution. Tohru considers herself as starting off at a net zero, basically: she doesn't exactly think her existence is problematic, but she doesn't feel that she offers any worth or value to compensate for the efforts she takes from other people, so she's terrified of being a burden and thus causing people to resent and hate and reject her.
Kyou considers himself as starting off at a negative: he has nothing of any worth to offer to people around him, and he believes that just being around him is actively detrimental to other people, so he just assumes people naturally hate him and avoids everyone and pushes away people who try to get close to him, especially people he loves. (He makes some exceptions when he really really loves, like keeping Shishou at arm's length in some regards but basking in his dad the rest of the time, and giving into his fondness for Tohru even though he knows it's going to go bad.)
Tohru's had her worldview reinforced by being abandoned by a young and grieving Kyouko. Kyou's had his worldview enforced by being told that people who are kind to him die of it.
Kyou's mom loved him more than anyone; Kyou's mom died for him/died because it's his fault. Kyouko was nice to Kyou; Kyou's secret is safe at the cost of Kyouko dying from that car. The beads that keep sealed the Cat's true form are made from the bones and blood of a priest; the way people retell the story implies that Kyou straight-up murdered this guy ages ago, or at least that Kyou's taking advantage of a sacrifice that was forced and not willing. (I mean honestly it could go either way, but lately I've been thinking that it seems unlikely you'd go murder some holy guy to make some beads to seal up a cat monster that you hate when you could just murder the cat monster, don't tell me olden days Souma wouldn't just find that simpler; it seems to me like the sort of effort you'd go through for someone you actually cared minimally about, and that the priest probably devoted himself to holiness for just such a reason, probably offered to have a holy death and create a protective relic. Not that that would make Kyou feel any better.)
This probably ties back into the whole pity thing...Kyou doesn't want people to feel compelled to love him, to force themselves to love him, because not only do they not get any benefit but he has actively negative worth and it hurts people to be around him. Kyou, like Tohru, finds it hard to accept that people might not see it as a burden or a harm to be kind to him. That they might want to be kind to him and enjoy his presence. These children can't just let themselves take the damn donuts.
And that's probably the why of why Kyou, specifically, and not Yuki, is so good at noticing Tohru's issues and actively pushing her to be selfish. It's hard to help yourself, but it can be easier to see yourself in others and give them the advice that you yourself won't take. Let yourself be selfish and live a life that makes you happy. Complain when you need to. Let yourself have some donuts when donuts are being handed out, even if you don't think you deserve them/some jerks have told you you don't deserve them and you're a fake for taking a donut.
(I'm not sure Kyou's ever actually heard this bit, and I don't have time to unpack it right now, but uggghhh I just remembered that Tohru low-key blames herself for her mother's death as well. If she'd been more grateful...if she'd had her priorities straight and her mother was the most important thing in her life, more important than trying her best in school...if she'd just managed to say "Come home safe", then her mom wouldn't have died, and because she was an ungrateful daughter and didn't say it that one time she lost her mom. Nnnn my heart.)
Again I don't have a good transition, but as I think about all this I think I get why Kyou is able to accept Tohru's fuck-you speech as being a real and sincere thing he can depend on instead of instantly assuming it's pity. He's probably not thinking straight enough to realize that Tohru's just taken a level in character development and is being remarkably selfish and open about what she wants from him, not just yet.
But looking at Kyou's past experience with True Form reveals…
Kyou's mom tries to reassure Kyou that everything is fine and normal. She smiles and says all the right things and pretends not to be perturbed. Tohru, as Kyou notes, is clearly not fine about things, she's overwhelmed and sick and scared and clinging to him while shaking and crying. "Can't you see?! Smell?!" Kyou demands when Tohru doesn't instantly run off, but it's pretty clear she does because Tohru isn't smiling, isn't trying to pretend this doesn't bother her. She's undeterred, yes, but she's very bothered.
Kagura's scared too, when she sees, and Kagura runs away. Tohru's scared and she runs toward. Again, Tohru's not hiding her fear even if she's not letting her fear stop her, Tohru's not smiling her serene smile, Tohru clearly would rather run away and go "what the fuck?!?!?!" for a while before dealing with the fallout. Tohru's not a saint, Tohru's just slightly more scared that she'll never see Kyou again after this if she leaves now than she is of Kyou's true form. She's kind of almost passed through the other side of terror into desperation.
Tohru's biggest anxiety is that she'll be abandoned for being a burden, true, but Tohru also is terrified of being preemptively abandoned because the other person has decided they're a burden for Tohru. That's exactly what Hana tried to do in middle school. Hana tried to give up on Uo and Tohru.
"Give up on" isn't a phrase used in the True Form arc, but it comes up plenty elsewhere. Momiji says much later that he's done giving up on the Cat. More specifically, when Kyou's unpacking his complicated feelings about his mom and her death, he says at one point that he wishes she hadn't given up on herself and had stayed together with him. And since mom plays into the True Form arc (as does the "being together" sentiment), I feel it's valid to drag the "giving up on" idea into it as well.
Kyou tries to give up on Tohru--decides for himself that she'll reject him, so he rejects her first and pushes her away so she won't force herself to take pity on him and keep forcing herself to love him--and Tohru probably realizes that he's doing it, since she saw it before with Hana. She's determined to go back to Kyou because she's prioritizing her own wants, but I think probably the reason she also looks pissed is because she's realized Kyou's given up on her and she's not gonna let him get away with it.
I think Kyou wishes that he could cling to people, could have clung to his mom and told her not to give up, the way Tohru is clinging to him there. That he could admit that things suck and are scary and painful, but that he wants to keep clinging on regardless and staying together without anyone giving up, the way Tohru is doing right now. Instead of, like everyone else, pretending that shit is fine even though it sucks and it's scary and it's painful and then giving up on the people around him and keeping a distance.
Kyou recognizes what Tohru feels--and that what Tohru feels is sincere--because it's the same feelings he has about his mom. Which is why, even though it sounds a bit like a Saint Mary Sue love-and-acceptance speech, it's a fuck-you that hits Kyou right in the heart and makes Kyou feel accepted and understood for the first time in his life. Not because Tohru is perfect, but because Tohru is flawed and broken and a terrified mess.
#sobdasha fic adjacent#fruits basket#i didn't outline this out to the best effect#or really proofread thoroughly#so hopefully it makes sense#but i spent hours investing myself into this lol and having too many feelings#i stayed up too late to finish this because i know i won't be coherent enough to put anything like this together after tomorrow's episode#this is how good the reboot is though#no longer am i reevaluating my interpretations with each new episode#i'm managing to re-engage with the source material even before new episodes air to give me a new perspective#also the sheer amount of things i've missed that are right there in the manual are...embarrassing
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