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supersoakerfullofblood · 2 months

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Conflict and Genre; Hurting Our Characters in Ways That Matter

If you've even only skimmed my blog, you may have noticed that I preach the importance of character and conflict above all other elements of narrative. The qualities of these dictate the qualities of the story, and by and large, every other narrative element will in part develop from these. I've written a bit about what makes strong characters here and on random other posts, but now it's time to talk conflict: what it is and how we write it.

You'll read everywhere that there are two types of conflict: internal and external. This is true but misaligned. That's kind of like saying the two types of planets are Earth and all the other planets. In reality, most conflicts are a mix of both with varying ratios of one to the other, and "internal" does a lot of heavy lifting in this dichotomy. Is it emotional? Mental? Religious? Interpersonal? A lot of stuff goes on in the human brain!

I've used conflict a bit already without defining it, so let's do so. Conflict is anything in a narrative that negatively affects a character and that character's reaction. It's a broad concept! A duel with a dragon and a tough breakup are equally valid conflicts. You might hear people advise to "hurt your MC." This is true albeit quirky and cliche. Hurt your characters, yes, but the other half of conflict, your character's reaction, is necessary to crafting a strong story. If the duel the dragon, win, and return home victorious, case closed, that's not a very interesting story; if your character goes through the breakup with healthy coping mechanisms and emotional maturity, who cares? What gives? Unless it's the end of the story, the reader doesn't want the conflict to resolve! (Or, they don't want every conflict to resolve. Some can, but always keep one fire lit.)

Your goal as a writer should be to lead your character's decisions deeper into their conflicts. Of course, this shouldn't be obvious--if characters make bad, stupid decisions, the reader will catch on. But you can use your character's flaws and vulnerabilities to make them make poor decisions or otherwise get them in binds without the reader noticing.

One example from my own work: In one of my novels, The Ghosts of Glass Lake, one character focuses on her acting career so she won't have to focus on her mother's suicide. The suicide affected the character negatively, and the focus on acting was her reaction. Obviously, this focus wasn't the healthy thing to do, which gives me as a writer room to play with and grow this conflict. While she's rehearsing, she sees her mother's ghost from time to time. When she does try to resolve this trauma, she goes about it wrong by attempting to speak with her mother via spirit box instead of, y'know, going to therapy. Other characters try to help her cope by dubiously legitimate methods. By the end of the novel, she hasn't reconciled her acting career with the effects of her mother's death, and this tension hurts the people around her.

One example from classic literature: In Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse, each character witnesses and thinks upon how other characters treat them and others. This novel has next to no external conflict. One character, Lily Briscoe, loves to paint and notices how the men around her talk about how women can't paint, and a second character mansplains some painting lingo to her. Most of her time in the novel is spent in these interactions or thinking about them and the greater societal shifts that caused them, and by the end of the novel, she accepts herself as a painter and completes the piece she'd been working on.

My and Woolf's examples have some commonalities and some differences. Woolf's is almost entirely internal where mine is almost entirely internal until late in the novel when it grows an external bent. In both cases, conflict is both something that negatively affects a character and that character's reaction to it. This reaction causes the conflict to deepen, which causes another reaction, and a cycle starts that will only resolve (if you want it to resolve) at the end of the narrative.

The type of conflict you write is a question of style, but certain genres historically lend themselves towards one or the other. You'll often hear "genre fiction" and "literary fiction" tossed around in literary discourse. These are two umbrella categories that if you ask me don't really exist anymore, but that's another topic for another time. So disclaimer, read below with a grain of salt, but not too big a grain, as there is truth here.

Genre fiction (fantasy, sci-fi, romance, mystery, thriller) trends towards external conflict: will they kill the dragon and save the princess? Will they win the space war? Find the culprit? Escape the killer? Literary fiction ("the classics," realistic fiction) trends towards internal conflict: how do we come of age? Recognize death? Understand love?

The dichotomy of genre/literary was created during a time when those labels weren't so liquid (here's a great article on the topic), but nowadays, great books blur these lines more than they ever had. Circe is a book with the popular conventions of Percy Jackson but is also a meditation on gender and family obligations. Station Eleven is a post-apocalyptic dystopia about how we find meaning in our everyday lives. American Gods has the trappings of any old adventure story but also questions past and present systems of belief.

And was this genre/literary conflict dichotomy ever real? I would argue no and that the strongest genre fiction also incorporates internal conflict. The Lord of the Rings is a story about Sauron and the Nazgul just as it is about the nature of power and responsibility, advancing technology, and the environment; The Left Hand of Darkness is an adventure across an ice planet but only through the lenses of gender and religion; Dune is about drugs and worms but also religious conflict, imperialism, indigenous culture, and much much more; Earthsea is an adventure through magical archipelagos and also a meditation on grief, gender norms, and reconciliation. You can say similar things as these to any great piece of genre fiction, but I don't personally think this works in reverse. Not every story needs external conflict, as Virginia Woolf shows, though even the most literary of stories will use some, even if only on accident. This is because the best stories always say something deeper about their characters than simply "they can kill the dragon"; the best stories get at what it means to kill a dragon.

So in anything you write, try adding this internal axis! If you're not used to it, try this exercise. Ask yourself what the external conflict is. Then ask yourself how your character feels about it. When you have even 5% of an answer, start writing it! Then when those feelings get that character into more or deeper trouble, ask how they feel about that, then write again. Conflict is what happens to your character as much as what your character's reaction says about them.

Asks are always open if you have any questions!

#writeblr #writing #fanfic #writing resources #writing advice #writing tips #bookblr #booklr #creative writing #writers on tumblr #writing help #writer tips

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booksandmate · 8 months

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aziraphale and crowley: sexless beings who can make an effort

there are a couple of things that i find really weird about all the discourse going around so i will use this post to summon my thoughts the best i can without writing an essay. this is not meant to be a completely new take on the topic, it's just mine, that has been occupying my mind far longer than i can take pride on.

so, the root of the matter is in this line from the book: "angels are sexless, unless they really want to make an effort". this is basically a rule containing its own exception. people who deny the possibility of any kind of sexual intimacy between them generally go for the rule, while people that think it possible go for the exception.

the first group of people would say "why would they?" and the second one, "why wouldn't they?" both valid. a rule is there for a reason, but so is an exception. if they would have wanted us to believe it impossible to think of sex between angelic beings, they wouldn't have included the exception. so, what we have so far is the possibility for both. therefore, it's as valid to think that they wouldn't have sex as it is that they would.

we had, however, other things. as it is them being able to do things in the human way despite it not being necessary for their nature, engaging in earthly pleasures such and eating and drinking, and other general activities such as reading. gardening, listening to music, driving, doing magic, etc. does this prove that they would want to have sex? of course not. it does prove, however, that they will do things outside of their nature just because they find them enjoyable.

so at this point, we know that is both biologically and voluntarily possible for them to desire sexual intimacy. they are not incapable of it in any way, which only leave us to say (from the denial side that they simply wouldn't want to. the main criticism to the take that they could and they would have sex comes from people who think of them as ace representation.

the thing is, asexuality is a spectrum. saying they would enjoy sex does not directly deny that they could be ace (in my mind, for example, crowley is demi) so when you say that people are "erasing ace representation" you are thinking about a very specific type of asexuality. one that is totally valid, but does not represent the feelings of the entire ace community towards sex.

it's not the best idea to project yourself into bits of the characters that have not been confirmed nor denied by canon and then be mad when other people think of them in a different way that you do. if you are ace and you don't engage in any kind of sexual activity, that's totally valid. as aziraphale and crowley have not been confirmed to feel that way towards sex, no one is erasing anything by saying that they would.

so to conclude this thing that ended up way longer than i originally intended, it's okay to see them as ace or not ace. it's okay to think that they wouldn't ever at all be interested in sex. what is not okay, is to accuse people of erasing representation (or even be mad at what is made canon) just because of the way you like to think of the characters.

the story is there. the possibility is there. you can't be mad that people hold on to the possibility.

i would like to add (because i feel it's a problem specially in this fandom) that anything that the author says that directly contradicts the story that has been told so far, it's not to be taken seriously. authors are people who need to money to live. and for people to give them their money, they need to please them. as the author of this story is in direct touch with fandom requests, it's not crazy to think that he would take a place on this discussion to please a group of people. we have a story, that’s what matters.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #good omens season two #good omens meta

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wawawawawawawawawawawawawa · 3 months

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can we have more aspd izaya posts please please please please please please please please pl [ i am taken by the fog ]

*grabs u by the leg and pulls u out of the fog* yes of course u can my fine fellow :)

so!! i was talking to a friend about izaya having aspd and whether or not it was an intentional coding on narita's part or if it was a completely unintentional yet still valid way to view the character. honestly, evidence exists for both ways- the emphasis put on izaya's impulse control issues ans disconnect from the rest of humanity, as an example that comes to mind. but there could also be a case that narita didn't mean to invoke a deliberate coding of aspd while placing emphasis on these aspects of him

theres also the whole "two brain scans" thing. was this plot point narita trying to say that he didn't intend for izaya to have any mental illness whatsoever? but then again, brain scans are not exactly the most reliable source of diagnosing mental illness- if it was, we'd just use that. there are studies about aspd and brain differences regarding it, but i have no way of knowing if narita... read them. i don't know the man and i have no idea what studies are available in japanese, since i read mine solely in english.

there's also the study that throws a wrench in brain scan studies as a whole- specifically fMRI studies. it was one of those classic "subject put in brain scan and asked to identify what emotion a person in a photo is showing" except the subject was, ironically since this is a post on izaya..... a dead fish. so did narita see THIS? the study IS from 2009, but to comfirn if its even possible, i'd have to cross-reference the book the two brain scans thing shows up in with the date the study was published, and EVEN THEN the answer is still a big ole "i dunno!"

although, thru all this, i think i settled on an idea of what Might have happened. keyword MIGHT, it's not like i can go ask narita himself. well i mean i guess maybe if i tried really hard.... but i am not going to do that. it sounds scary and frankly i am a weenie, and i don't speak japanese

so, durarara.... is a story largely about the underbelly of society. ergo, there are a lot of tropes present in other works about these kinds of people, but they're subverted here. like, for instance, shizuo- he's the "dumb muscle" trope; an angry fighter who lives for the thrill of violence and that's why he's involved in the underground. except, shizuo hates violence, has tried to hold down regular jobs and is only in the underground out of desperation, and is very perceptive and philosophical. he's a subversion of the dumb muscle trope.

i think izaya was meant to be a subversion of the sociopath as a trope... and imo, you kind of can't really subvert that trope well without giving your character aspd.

"the sociopath" as a trope refers to a character with, essentially, zero humanity. they love nobody, care about nothing but their own gain and destruction, are sadistic for sadism's sake... et cetera.

taking a character and going "they ACT like a sociopath, but they're NOT one!!" is a common subversion of the trope... but it's not really a subversion, is it? it's a bait-and-switch. if a character seems like X but is not X, they are not X. the trope of X does not apply.

imo, for a subversion to really be... y'know... subversive, the character must still possess the original traits of The Sociopath, but they're twisted around and expanded upon

The Sociopath can't love? izaya loves all of humanity... though it doesn't stop him from disregarding their rights and autonomy, ergo still hitting ASPD criteria and still being a sociopath

The Sociopath can't care about anything but their own personal gain? izaya clearly cares about and loves his sisters, but it doesn't negate everything else he's done, or the other times where he has put his own personal gain first

The Sociopath can't feel or express emotion? izaya is demonstrated to be a coward and to have genuine phobias- thanatophobia, the fear of death, IS an anxiety disorder, as are all phobias. shinra describes him as fragile-hearted, and this description is accurate. but, izaya puts on a facade for the rest of the world- ergo, he can't express emotion (at least, not in the way someone without aspd could- it's... hard and scary to Drop The Act; vulnerability is scary and removes the subject's control of a situation, so it stands to reason that it would be difficult for us to do)

The Sociopath is a sadist for sadism's sake? izaya actually has weight behind what he says and does- sure, some of it IS for entertainment, but why he chooses specifically this as entertainment (namely, suicide) has enough bits of info for us as readers to extrapolate. the text doesn't make it explicit, but durarara is a series where paying close attention to minute details is expected and rewarded, so this is par for the course, honestly. and a lot of the things he does, although they result in hurt for the rest of the cast, isn't izaya being a sadist Just Because- at the end of the day he's a scared, lonely man, trying very hard to avoid the thing he's most afraid of in life- the cessation of it.

that's not to say that anything he does is OKAY, obviously, but there's weight and nuance behind it. izaya is treated as a whole human being, just like everyone else. but a lot of core aspects of his character parallel the sociopath trope so cleanly that it's hard for me to believe that it was completely unintentional. was he meant to have specifically aspd, the disorder? i'm not sure. probably not? but "the sociopath, as a trope, but fleshed out and given humanity" is kind of... what aspd.... is. as a disorder. which is why i think you can't truly subvert the trope without giving your character it, inadvertently or not.

anyway yeah this was A Bit different, although i prefer to do watsonian anaylsis i absolutely can do doylist too. i might do more stuff like this if yall like this one idk

#durarara #orihara izaya #izaya orihara #wasks #yaayyyy new meta <3 #i hope u guys like itttttt <3 #please dont be weird about aspd <3 on my hands and crippled knees <3

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she-is-juniper · 2 years

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Reckless Serenade // Austin Butler x Reader

Pairing: Austin Butler x f!Reader

Type: oneshot / standalone (can be read as a prequel to The Devil I Know)

Summary: You and Austin are in a new relationship, and you’ve been teasing him all week, so by the time the weekend hits, Austin decides to try out a few of his kinks on you.

Word Count: 5K

Rating: E (Explicit) ***18+ only. Minors DNI or you will be blocked.

Warnings: smut, exhibitionism, car sex, semi-public sex, oral sex (female- receiving), dominant/submissive relationship, degradation, slight edging, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, folks), Austin being absolutely filthy, dirty talk

A/N: Happy Sinful Saturday ♡ This can be read as a prequel to my fic "The Devil I Know", but also functions well on its own. Full disclosure: This oneshot is essentially a rewrite of an old fic of mine that I published on a past blog. That being said, I’ve added things, adjusted details, and frankly made it a lot better. The important thing is that it was 100% my fic when it was originally published, and it’s 100% my fic now!

This is a work of fiction and is not intended to be taken as truth or fact. I do not claim to own Austin Butler or any other affiliated names or fictional events. Other details, such as names, locations, and events, are also fictionalized. PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT PUBLIC SEX, INCLUDING CAR SEX, IS ILLEGAL; this is FICTION and not intended to be replicated. Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not get yourself arrested.

Please also note that the representations of body types in my moodboard are not intended to exclude anybody of any race, ethnicity, or body shape. The purpose of the moodboard is simply to emulate the essence or mood of the fic's settings/characters/relationships.

Enjoy! ◡̈ -Juni

❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊

Even for a girl who comes from humble beginnings, you certainly have a taste for the finer things in life. And dating Austin Butler is certainly one of those finer things.

Keep reading

“How do I look?”

You smirk and twirl your body to give Austin a full 360 of your body. You’re wearing a new gown, a sleek silver number by Dior you’d snatched on a whim last weekend. It fits you like a glove—or rather, like a second skin—and the expensive quality of the fabric makes you look like you’re dripping with opulent grace. A slit in the skirt accentuates your smooth leg along with the new Louboutin stilettos you’ll probably regret wearing later. And, of course, you're wearing a new fragrance you're starting to believe might become your new signature—Papillon's Salome.

Maybe it’s all a little too much for a Friday night dinner to celebrate your boyfriend’s agent’s birthday. But the restaurant you’re going to is more than nice enough to constitute a valid reason for formal wear.

And the look of hunger in Austin’s eyes is worth it. He says nothing as he watches you, his legs crossed, his fingers absentmindedly stroking the leather of the armchair he sits in at the corner of your bedroom. A mischievous upward lilt is growing at the corners of his mouth. He needs no words to express what he’s thinking.

Still, you continue to subtly show off your figure for him, turning toward your dresser mirror to adjust your earrings.

“You don’t think it’s too much?” you ask, hoping he doesn’t ignore the way you arch your back as you lean to reach for a simple necklace. “I know it’s just a birthday dinner—”

“You look perfect,” Austin says simply.

You turn to smile at him. He looks pretty perfect too, in a dark jacket and trousers combination that pairs nicely with a black button-down shirt. You love it when he wears dark colors.

“Okay, I’m ready. Shall we go?”

Austin nods and stands. He leads you outside with a delicate hand on the small of your back. It’s odd that he’s restraining himself from touching you more, especially when you know how much he loves you in a dress.

But that look in his eyes… You wonder how long he intends to let the night go by before demanding you to strip it off.

Not a dull day has passed in your budding relationship with Austin Butler. For a man so charming and collected on the outside, he’s full of surprising twists that always leave you guessing what he’ll be doing next. You’ve only been dating him for a few weeks, and his unpredictability has made every moment exhilarating.

The sex has been constant and unbelievably good. You'd never experienced anything even remotely like it. The first time Austin had you, you were blown away by the sheer passion in everything he did. From the precise way he planted kisses along every inch of your skin, to the fire burning in his gaze as he slid into you for the first time and every time after that, you knew he was as addicted to you as you were to him. You trusted him entirely with your body, and he seemed to reciprocate that responsibility with the utmost care of you and your pleasure.

But everything is still very new. And you can’t help but feel like he’s holding something back.

Austin opens the passenger door of his car for you, and then circles to the driver’s side to climb in and start the engine. You check the clock in the dashboard: 7:05 p.m. You and he are going to arrive a little early to the 7:30 reservation. Which is surprising, seeing as you tend to run late to things when Austin is involved.

It feels strangely tense between you and Austin the whole drive. You make small talk about your day, and he about his. But he’s acting…off. You want to look at his face to gleam some kind of clarity about his mood, but his blue eyes are glued on the road.

Watching his fingers stroke the steering wheel twists your core in the best of ways. You cross your thighs and squeeze them together tightly, yearning to feel those fingers of his on your skin. All week, you’d been so busy with your own work, and he with meetings and promotional photoshoots. You hadn’t had quality time with him in ages. And you missed him, missed him in every way. Frankly, your underwear has been soaking wet with anticipation since the weekend had begun.

“Is everything okay?” you ask quietly after a long stretch of silence.

Austin gnaws on the inside of his cheek, looking very much like he’s trying not to say something. “Yeah, everything’s fine,” he says finally.

Austin has a lot of moods, you’ve found. But you haven’t known him long enough to figure out what mood this one is. “Okay, I just wanted to make sure. You’re just a little quiet is all.” You reach across the cab and place a tentative hand on his thigh.

The gesture is meant to be reassuring, but a little sound emits from Austin’s mouth that sounds oddly like a growl.

“Y/N,” he says.

“What?” you reply.

“You’re such a fucking tease.”

You’re taken aback, primarily because you can’t decipher the tone of his voice. Is he angry with you? You frown, withdrawing your hand from his leg. His eyes break away from the road to follow the movement of your hand.

“You think I’m a tease?” you say.

Maybe it’s your imagination, but you think you see a small shudder runs down his spine. “You’ve been taunting me all night. All week.”

He isn’t wrong. In the brief encounters you’ve had with Austin this week, you’ve been flirty on purpose, giggly and touchy and suggestive. You wanted to give him something to look forward to for this weekend, for the plans you and he had made to catch up. But was it too much? Is he mad now? Is this about to become your first fight?

“I… I didn’t mean…”

Austin presses his lips into a tight line as he pulls the car into the parking lot of the restaurant, which was a high-end steakhouse in West Hollywood with a private room for events such as these. He parks in the shadowed alley around the corner of the building, a good distance away, even though there are ample spots to park closer to the entrance. What little light there is left in the dusk sky is shrouded by the side of the building.

Austin cuts the engine. You and he sit in silence for too long.

“You’re mad,” you ask, but it comes out as more of a confused-sounding statement.

You wait for him to confirm it, but instead, Austin swiftly unbuckles his seatbelt and leans over to take your face in his hands—grabs you, really, more harshly than you’d been expecting. He’s scowling. And then he kisses you.

As his lips find yours, you’re surprised by his roughness. Despite the smoothness of his clean-shaven face, he's rough with his actions, as one of his hands buries in your hair and the other presses firmly against your neck. Desperation seeps from his tongue, which traces your top lip.

“Aus,” you whisper. In response, he lets out a low groan. It’s suddenly clear; he wants you . You realize you’ve mistaken anger with sexual frustration.

“Get in the backseat,” he murmurs as he breaks away.

“Austin,” you say his name in full now.

“Do it.” His voice is stern and husky.

You understand now why Austin wanted to get here so early, and you feel even more wetness pool between your thighs as you comply with his request. You climb over the middle storage compartment and onto the sleek black leather of the backseat. He had removed all of the seats to make room for all his gigging equipment, so without a backseat, you sit on the floor of the van and blink up at him in anticipation. Austin follows suit, crouching on the floor in front of you, right beside your legs. But he doesn’t kiss you again.

“You know how I feel about being teased, baby?” His eyes rake over your body. Two slow, teasing hands grab the floor-length hem of your gown and pull it up your legs, revealing more and more of your legs with each passing second. He situates himself in between them. “You’re playing with fire. I know exactly what I want from you, and when I want it,” he continues in a dangerous voice. “And when I don’t get it…” He tsks.

You gasp at the cool air as Austin hikes your dress up to your thighs, finally revealing your thin panties.

“You’ve been very naughty this week,” he drawls, glaring up at you through lowered eyes. “Teasing me with your touches, those dirty texts, all while you knew I was too busy to do anything about it. And then you put this dress on.” He caresses the expensive material of your dress that’s bunched around your thighs. “You knew exactly what you were doing to me, didn’t you, sweetheart?”

“Austin,” you whisper, looking around outside out the window. You and he were in a parking lot, for fuck’s sake.

He just smirks with a raised eyebrow, the lust in his blue eyes crystal clear. “I think it’s time I get what I want,” he says.

You bite your lip, wanting him to hurry up and start touching you already. “What do you want, Aus?” you whisper, grabbing for one of his hands and dragging it up your bare leg.

But Austin withdraws his hand from your skin. “Naughty girls don’t get touched,” he scolds.

You huff in exasperation. “Please, Aus—”

He cuts you off. “No begging, that’s not gonna work on me today.”

Fuck, he’s gonna drive you crazy. You huff again and slouch against the backrest of the seat, crossing your arms in frustration. If he isn’t going to touch you, what the hell was the point of getting into the backseat?

Austin looks up at you with a self-satisfied sneer. He pulls himself up toward your face, bringing a gentle hand up to brush your cheek with his fingers. “I won’t touch you right now, sweetheart, but I want you to touch yourself,” he whispers hoarsely into your ear. It sends an involuntary chill down your spine and toward your core.

“You…you want…” You flinch as Austin nips your earlobe gently, an unexpected action that makes you keen, despite your best efforts.

Austin traces your parted lips with a gentle thumb. “That’s right,” he says. “But you’re going to need to listen very carefully to everything I say. Understand?”

You nod, gulping. This is new for him. Outside the car, you can hear the sounds of people chatting as they enter or leave the restaurant. God, you’re relieved the car’s windows are so darkly tinted.

Austin pulls away to look into your eyes. His expression softens ever so slightly as he asks you: "Do you remember what we talked about last week, baby...about a safe word?"

Your stomach jolts. He had brought it up in passing one morning, but at the time, you hadn't fully grasped what he would need a safe word for. But the word was simple enough, and was the only word that held only one unmistakable meaning: stop.

"I remember," you whisper.

Austin gazes at you earnestly. "So you know you can say the word, anytime you want or need, and I'll stop, no questions asked. Yes?"

"Yes, baby."

"Good girl." Austin settles back on the floor in front of your seat, sitting on his knees and resting his hands on his lap. Through the darkness, you can still see the clear outline of the bulge in his dress pants. And then he opens his mouth and instructs, very slowly: “I want you to slip your panties off.”

Your mouth goes dry, and you look down at Austin questioningly. He raises an eyebrow in a gesture that needs no words to say: Don’t make me repeat myself.

So you hook your thumbs on either side of your underwear and lift your hips to drag them down. The crotch clings to your wetness, and there’s a noticeable spot of moisture where it had seeped through. You shimmy the fabric down to your feet, and you’re about to kick it away when Austin seizes it for himself. He traces the mark of wetness and brings it to his face. You moan out a breathy sound as you watch the tip of his tongue taste your pleasure on the underwear.

“Sit back,” he tells you.

You do.

“I want you to bring your left hand to your chest. That’s it. Now slip it beneath your neckline. I want you to feel your breast for me… Now, pinch your nipple. Is it nice and hard for me now?”

“Yes,” you say, your voice gravelly. Your back arches a little as the pinch reverberates down your torso. You feel so sensitive and so impatient at the pace he’s making you go.

“I want you to put your other hand on your tummy. Good girl. Don’t you dare bring it lower yet,” he warns. You prickle at the word yet . “Good. Now I want you to pull your neckline back, show me your nipples. Do you think you can show me?”

You do, pulling down the neckline of your dress to show him your breasts. You’re not wearing a bra—you don’t need it for this kind of dress—and you very much enjoy the way Austin’s breath seems to catch in his throat as he sees you exposed like this. Austin’s hand on his lap seems to twitch almost imperceptibly toward his crotch.

“Good girl, Y/N. Fuck, you look so good. Now pinch yourself for me. Imagine it’s my teeth on your sweet tits…good, good girl.”

You want so badly to move the hand on your stomach down between your legs. Instead, you clench your thighs together tightly, as you had done before. The movement is not lost on Austin. He growls and brings his hands to your knees, pulling them apart.

“I see what you’re trying to do there, sweetheart. That’s against my rules for this evening.”

You sigh when he withdraws his hands from your knees, aching for their warmth against your skin again. But when he places his hands back on his lap, one of them rests on his bulge and rubs.

“That’s not fair,” you protest. “Why do you get to touch yourself and I don’t?”

Austin’s eyes narrow. “This is my game,” he growls, low and dangerous. “Remember? I decide what I want and how I want it. You want more later tonight? Then listen to everything I say, and no talking back.”

His words send goosebumps across your skin. You nod in acceptance, shivering at the cool air on your wet pussy.

Austin doesn’t say anything for more than a few seconds, and you get antsy, arching your back and pressing your fingers into the skin of your navel. “Please, Austin…” you whisper, biting your lip. “Please let me touch myself.”

Austin’s eyes seem to gloss over with desire. Finally, he says, “Move your right hand down to rest over your pelvis. No lower.”

Every inch you move your hand closer feels hotter and hotter to the touch. You’re so fucking close to the place you desperately need friction that you have to suppress a moan.

“Yes, good girl, so patient,” Austin says, and you can see the hand on his cock squeezing it tighter as he watches you. “Show me your index finger? Yes, I want you to get that finger nice and wet for me.”

You let out your moan then as you allow your finger to trace a line down your wetness and separate your folds. You’re absolutely dripping.

“Good, yes. Fuck, you’re so good, so gorgeous. I want you to slip that finger inside of you, can you do that for me, Y/N?” Austin says, his voice growing tenser.

You whimper as you allow your finger to push past your folds and into you. It’s unbelievably slick and nearly pulsing with arousal. Austin curses and slips his own hand down the hem of his pants.

“Move your finger now, Y/N. I want you to fuck yourself.”

You pull your finger out before slipping it back in, and you tilt your head back. You groan, bending and flexing the finger inside of you, desperate for more…for another finger, for friction against your clit, for Austin to just fucking touch you anywhere. So you push your finger inside as far as it will go. And then your thumb brushes up against your clit, and the incidental pressure feels so good, too good. You press your thumb in a circle, desperate to feed your desire for more.

But Austin misses nothing, and he firmly pries your thumb off of your clit. “No,” he says simply, “not yet.”

“Austin, please—”

“Do what I say, and only what I say. Don’t make me punish you later.”

Fuck. You keep fingering yourself, allowing your fingertip to drag against every ridge inside of you. Each small wave of pleasure that courses through your body at the sensation bring about small moans from your lips. Austin’s having trouble holding back his own moans, now that his hand is in his pants. The idea that he’s pleasuring himself too makes you feel even wetter.

“You’re doing so good, my little slut. Show me your finger,” Austin says. You pull out your index finger dazedly, and Austin grunts in approval at the glistening slick that coats it. Suddenly, he leans over to you and takes your finger in his hot mouth. Your mouth falls open in a cry of pleasure, rejoicing at the warmth of his tongue around your finger.

“Fuck, Austin,” you whisper. You need him, more than you can express.

He releases your finger from his mouth with a pop. “God, you taste so good. Can’t believe you’re mine.”

“Please,” you mewl, not bothering to finish your plea. He knows what you want.

And you know he’s not about to give into you that easily. “You can touch your clit now, love.”

Thank fucking god. You don’t hesitate to drag your fingers—two this time—through your wetness again and back up to rest atop that bundle of nerves that so desperately needed movement. You start moving your fingers in quick circles.

“Slower,” Austin grunts.

You slow the movement into lazy, wide circles, biting your bottom lip between your lip. But you can’t hold back the moans for long, as much as you’d like to. You arch your back and keen, each circle bringing a wash of pleasure over your entire groan.

“Moan my name, baby,” you hear Austin say breathily. “I wanna hear you say my name with that pretty little mouth.”

You obey, intoning his name in place of your next outcry. Your fingers move faster now; you can’t help it. The delectable peak of pleasure is fast-approaching, now, and as tangible and foreboding as a tsunami wave on a horizon.

“Y/N. Fuck, yes, baby, you look so fucking good. My good little slut.”

Tendrils of fire scorch your skin from your core outward, and you press your fingers more firmly into yourself, desperate for the flames to overtake you. You cry his name like a broken record; it’s beginning to become one of the few words you can remember.

A swelling feeling begins to overtake your senses. You’re about to come.

“Austin, I—fuck, Austin, I need you—oh my god—”

Suddenly, Austin pulls your hand away in a single pull. You nearly shriek in protest, but he clamps another hand down on your mouth and shushes you. His eyes are wide as he gazes out the car’s window.

“Shit. Get down.”

He doesn’t wait for you to comply; he forces your shoulders down so you’re lying against the backseat bench instead of sitting upright. A voice from outside grows louder. Someone must be coming. Austin’s hand is still pressed against your mouth. You breathe heavily through your nose from how close your orgasm had been, and now your heart thuds even harder from fear of being caught.

“Keep quiet,” Austin hisses in your ear. He’s crouched next to you, and you hope he’s low enough to avoid being spotted if anyone tries to look inside. You can feel your pussy pulsing with pleasure, even though you’re no longer touching yourself. With an involuntary clinch of your walls, you hum out a moan, completely out of control of your body’s demand for release.

Footsteps outside draw nearer. “…Austin’s car,” someone says. You recognize the muffled voice as Austin’s agent’s.

“Wonder why he would park all the way over here?” says another voice, presumably his agent’s significant other.

“Well, if he’s parked, they’re here somewhere. But where?”

“Maybe they’re inside and we missed them.”

The couple finally retreats. Austin heaves out a sigh beside you, finally releasing his clamp on your mouth.

“That was close,” you whisper. Thank god they hadn’t peered in through the tinted windows.

Austin says nothing, but he’s still touching you, his hand clasped around yours from when he’d pulled it away, his chest pressed up against your side. You look over at him and realize his zipper is down, cock sprung out of his trousers in full. You bite your lip, desperate to finish what he’d had you start.

“Austin,” you plea, your voice high and breathy. “P—Please.”

He looks over at you and sweeps his eyes over the flushed skin of your cheeks and chest, and down to your inner thighs, where your dress is hiked up to your waist now, leaving nothing to his imagination. Your hips move up and down in involuntary thrusting movements, still high with impending pleasure.

It must be too much for him to resist the sight of you. Austin leans into you and presses his mouth onto yours in a sloppy, wet kiss. His fingertips dig into your hips before moving to squeeze your inner thigh. You nearly sob at the feeling of him touching you so close to where you need it.

“Austin, fuck, I need you.”

“I know, baby.” And he pulls you up in a sitting position once again, before he repositions himself on the floor beneath you and between your opened legs, seemingly desperate to taste you. “I’ll take care of you.” He nips twice at your inner thighs, one bite to each leg, before moving his mouth to rest against your sex.

Holy fuck. You cry out, arching your back and burying your hands in his blonde hair. Finally. Austin’s tongue delves into your folds, lapping up all the wetness that’s been dripping out of you. He moans loudly at the taste of you on his tongue, and you swear at the sensation of his low voice as it vibrates against you. His skillful tongue envelops your clit, then, and the addictive assault of warmth takes you by surprise, as it always does.

He breaks away, only to wet his finger with his saliva and you watch in awe as he pushes it into you. You see stars at the new sensation; Austin’s fingers are longer, thicker, and unbelievably more dexterous than yours. He doesn’t move them at first, but just watches as you thrust your hips back and forth, fucking yourself against his fingers. Finally, he curves them upward toward your belly, and your back jolts into an arch at the sudden pleasure.

“Baby, I’m gonna—oh my god, fuck, Austin, Austin…” The whirling flames of pleasure approach fast and sure, and your breathing grows erratic. Austin watches you unravel before him, biting his lip, before wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking. His tongue circles you hard and fast. He inserts his middle finger inside you along with his index, curling the digits up into you over and over.

But what it is that finally pushes you over the edge is the sudden pressure of his other hand against your lower navel, pressing down firmly, almost as if he’s trying to press his fingers inside of you against as much of you as possible. And you come completely undone, the tendrils of fire overtaking your whole body. You arch your back and clench your walls around Austin’s fingers, unable to keep from screaming in pleasure or to keep your arms and legs from spasming.

It takes you several minutes to come down from your high. Aftershocks shake your body like electrocutions. You slump down against Austin’s backseat and moan, over and over; you couldn’t speak if you tried. Meanwhile, Austin kisses up and down your legs.

“So much for not touching me,” you murmur. Austin laughs, the breath tickling your thighs.

“I can’t help myself when it comes to you,” he remarks. “My girl. My sweet girl.”

“So you’re not really mad at me?”

Austin shakes his head and scoots his body so he’s closer to your face. He kisses your forehead. “No, sweetheart. Definitely not. I just… I just wanted to test out a couple of things with you.”

“What do you mean?”

He traces little patterns on the skin of your chest. “I… I wanted to see if you like it when I act more…dominant. I, um… I take it you do?”

You bite your lip and grin. “Yeah, I like it.” You like it more than you’d care to admit.

“And I like watching you get yourself off,” he admits. “I could watch you do it all day.”

“I prefer when it’s you getting me off,” you say.

He chuckles. “I also…” He runs a nervous hand through his hand. “I like the thrill of this. The thrill of almost being caught.”

“You do?”

“Fuck, yes. It’s just that much sexier.”

You smile lazily at him, shuddering as yet another aftershock of pleasure courses through your veins. “Then you can have me anywhere you’d like, Austin Butler.”

He moans in satisfaction. Then, you realize something. You glance down at his crotch. His cock is still out, exposed, and hard as ever. “Shit. Austin, you never…”

Austin shakes his head and smiles. “Don’t worry about me. I’m going to fucking devour you later, you know. It can wait.”

You reach a lazy hand down to his pulsing, pink member. He’s as hard as a metal rod; he grunts in response. “Sure doesn’t look like this can wait.”

He groans and gulps heavily.

“Oh, no. There’s no way we’re going to this steakhouse in the state you’re in right now.”

“Fuck, Y/N…”

“We can definitely do that,” you grin, spreading your legs for him tauntingly. The backseat bench is narrowish, but certainly wide enough for him on top of you…

Austin curses as you move your thumb over his head, spreading the precum all over. “You’re positive?”

“Fuck me, Austin.”

That’s all Austin needed to pull his trousers down to his ankles and clamber on top of you, planting demanding kisses to your lips. He positions his cock at your entrance, coating himself in your slickness, which has since pooled in dripping amounts between your thighs from your orgasm.

“Holy shit,” Austin says. He’s hesitant, as always, your comfort his first priority. You claw at his back and trail your hands down his spine to rest against his ass, pulling his hips up toward your entrance encouragingly. It’s all the urging he needs. He tips his head back as he slides his cock past your folds, and pushes as deep into you as you’re able to take him. It’s unbelievably slick and yet, as always, a delightfully tight fit for Austin. A steady stream of curses escapes both your lips and his as he bottoms out.

“You’re so fucking tight, baby. Fuck. You’re so beautiful. You’re so mine.”

Austin slowly pulls out of you, withdrawing a gasp from your throat. The need to be filled by him manifests as an aching urge deep inside of your core. He fulfills that need with another thrust, this one harder and surer.

And then he’s moving, in and out, his hips crashing against yours with an alluring smack each time. You moan, high and feminine, knowing he loves it while at the same time unable to help yourself at all.

“Yeah, Y/N, fuck ,” Austin says into the shell of your ear, low and husky. “You’re taking me so well. You like it when I fill you up, huh? You’re such a good girl. My filthy slut. Your pussy’s so wet for me.”

It’s as if you’re practically witnessing his dominant side coming out again, and you whimper, letting him take control completely. Austin seizes your wrists and pins them down on the seat above your head. Each thrust rocks the car and ripples out through the curves of your body.

“Fuck me harder, Austin,” you demand, and he complies, slamming into you with a new vigor. You see stars.

“I’m gonna come,” he moans, his voice thick.

“Come inside me,” you command.

“Fuck, I’m so close. I’m gonna fill you up with my come, baby girl.” The hands on your wrists tighten, and his thrusts become more and more erratic. “Fuck, oh fuck.”

“Come for me, Austin, don’t stop” you coax. And it’s all he needs before orgasming with three final thrusts. You can feel his member pulse as he releases inside of you. The strained gasps and moans that emit from his pink lips are heavenly sounds.

He collapses on top of you, panting. Hot wetness—yours and his—drips out of you. The tickling sensation of it running down your legs brings you closer and closer to another torrent of pleasure. You slip your hand from Austin’s grasp—easily now that he’s weakened—and bring your fingers to your clit. You hadn’t expected yourself to be so close to orgasming again, but you are. You rub yourself for just a few moments before you’re reaching the edge again. Austin’s so dazed that he can’t say anything, just presses his forehead against yours. Suddenly you’re twisting and moaning and tensing all over again, this time around Austin’s member, still deep inside of you.

“I could feel that,” Austin remarks as you collapse in a heap beneath him.

All you can manage is his name in a breathy, exhausted sigh. And he loves the sound of it, squeezing you even tighter in his arms.

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so perfect. Oh my god. I'm so fucking happy I met you. I'm so glad you're in my life.”

You stroke his back gently as you whisper in his ear, "Me too, baby."

He shudders atop of you, and you revel in the vulnerability he expresses with you, both in his words and in his position, being held so closely by you. You lie there in silence, Austin still on top of you and inside of you, for a few minutes. You look at the fogged-up car windows and start laughing.

“What is it?” he asks.

"Do you still want to go to this dinner party?" you giggle.

He smirks. "No one will know."

"I don't look like I just got fucked in the backseat of your car?"

He bites back a satisfied grin and brushes your hair from your face. "All I see is a lovely blush,” he says sweetly.

“But what about…?”

You look down at where he’s still deep inside you. He can’t hold back his grin at the sight, which is rather nefarious, and he slowly withdraws from you. You feel a stream of warm wetness seeping from deep inside you. With a start, you watch, mouth agape, as he crawls down your body to draw his tongue through the mess of your and his pleasure, licking all of it into his mouth and swallowing.

Oh my god. You moan his name, partly in disbelief at his ministrations, partly due to the sensitivity between your legs. When he’s done, he kisses both of your thighs and pulls your underwear back up your legs.

“Let’s go,” he says, zipping his trousers and smoothing down his shirt. “No one will be able to tell.”

❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊ ❊

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please note that I write fanfiction for free; my only request for repayment is a genuine expression of your thoughts, opinions, likes/dislikes, and predictions about the story. Whether it’s simply a “Wow, I loved it!”, a keyboard smash, a series of convoluted thoughts in the tags, or even a full-out review, please know that any and all feedback is welcome!

Much love ❤︎ from Juniper

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#austin butler #Austin butler x reader #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler imagine #smut #oneshot #fanfic #fanfiction #works by juniper #elvis 2022

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snowblack-charcoalwhite · 5 days

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Hi! Love your blog.

I was wondering, if all these predictions about team green being split turn out to be true (let's hope it won't be the case, but I have very little trust in the writers and Condal's bs in the interviews don't sound promising to say the least ) do you think that green fandom, already in the minority, will be divided? I've already seen Aemond getting hate for criticising Alicent in the trailer, and Alicent for defending Rhaenyra. I would hate to see TG fanbase being shattered because of this, but it's not unlikely. It began with the shipping wars, Helaemonds vs Helaegons vs Rhaenicents vs Alysmonds...which was stupid imho. Ship and let ship. But if the showrunners make the green family heterogeneous when it comes to their main cause and personal relationships, then it will become much more serious and difficult to see them as a family or one team. Anyway, I would like to read your analysis on this.

Hi! Thank you for the ask and for the nice words, I appreciate them a lot😊

I believe your concerns are completely valid. When the "Defend Your Council" promo dropped, I kind of went "Pfft" at TB actors' words about how Team Green characters hate each other. But the more tidbits of information on season 2 we are getting, the more alarming the whole thing gets.

The Greens have King's Landing, true, but they are at a disadvantage where the numbers and the resources are concerned (they have fewer dragons, fewer allies, the Velaryon fleet against them). So being united, and act accordingly, is one of the most important things (if not the most important) they should be concerned with.

From the emotional point of view, dividing the Greens is also a crime against storytelling and character development. They are no ideal family, of course: most characters are damaged and their relationships between each other are messed up at least a bit in one way or the other (I talked about it a little in this post). But that doesn't mean the Greens don't care about each other. Alicent loves her children fiercely in spite of them being conceived, born and raised in a loveless marriage forced upon her. Aegon and Aemond are loyal to each other and have each other's back in spite of their relationship being tinged with resentment. Aegon and Helaena are not indifferent towards each other: even though they are not madly in love, they are bonded through blood and through their children - who Aegon will grieve for, because he is not an emotionless freak who cares only for himself.

So, having the Greens quarrel between each other in the season to come (if that will be the case) will only solidify my (and not only mine) already formed belief in the showrunners' determination to paint TG in the worst light imaginable. If the fandom's worst fears come true, there will be no Team Green to speak of in the first place. And doing this (at least partially, where it comes to Alicent) over Rhaenyra would just add insult to injury.

As for the fandom side of the problem - so true. It is disappointing and disheartening to see the fans who are heavily outnumbered as it is fighting between each other - and if the show goes through with breaking up TG things will get much worse. Aemond and Aegon's fans vs Alicent's, Aegon's vs Aemond's... All over the disastrous writing.

I am going to finish this answer with a gif I made for a post on TB vs TG fandom fighting. It's a shame to see it become applicable to situation within TG fandom as well.

#asks #hotd #house of the dragon #hotd season 2 #team green

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sadcharactersrmykryptonite · 1 year

Text

Completed tsats, in the middle of exam week, guess I have my priorities straight. Okay, let's get into the pro and con opinions of mine in this book.

Pros

1.Nico got over his trauma. Not completely of course, but he is on the right path. And the cocoa puffs are really cute ( send me fanart).

2.I am glad nico is more emotive in this. We saw him smile more, make jokes and generally be more optimistic then the other books. I felt like titan's curse nico is coming back and i love it. I love that nerdy side to him.

3.We see him cry it out. After so long of seeing him being described as emotionless, cold and scary, it was nice to see him letting out his emotions.

4. I love that he is so affectionate with will. We already know that nico is physically affectionate with the people he cares about, like hugging Jason, reyna, and kissing hazel on the cheek. It makes sense that he will be affectionate with his bf.

5. I love that the entire story revolves around how kind nico is. Like we knew that nico was the only one who saw and talked to hestia. His selflessness is the most important trait of his but also the most overlooked. But it's also the trait that got him in the most trouble. I am glad that he told nyx to f**k off, it means he is learning to prioritise himself and i am so glad for that. Also it felt so good to see people and deities acknowledge that, too the point that a primordial goddess was threatened by it. Listen up kids, KINDNESS IS YOUR BIGGEST STRENGTH NOT A WEAKNESS.

6. I liked will's characterisation. He's exactly what I taught he will be, kind, daring, supportive and brave. And he learns, accepts his mistakes and meets nico in the middle, what more can i ask. ( I feel like a parent giving their blessings to their child's so)

7. Nyx felt threatening, way better then gaia. And I really liked the way the final battle was more psychological then physical. And the new development in wills powers, that's a head cannon that felt validated. He can use plague powers, powerfull sunshine boy, nico, powerful sunshine boy.

8.Bob and small bob, they are the best. And them being happy and enjoying their freedom, ah, I was crying. I love them.

9.The deities crying over solangelo. I get it, they are so cute. Kind of shows a human side to them. And that talk about lost souls with gorgyra, yeah, another scene that brought me too tears. The fact that they still have hope. Warmed my heart.

10.Loved the talk about change , and being true to yourself and having the option to choose. It read nicely and it's a great message for the kids out there, not just LGBTQ kids, to everyone. And even bitter adults can learn this lesson. So be open minded people.

As a literature student, I am done with all the nihilist, Existentionalist, tragic stories that I had to read. This was the cheesy, funny, pure, and sweet book that I wanted to get rid of all this stress. And that's what I want from a percy Jackson series book.

Cons

1.It was rushed. But I think I understand. I mean they had to put nico's solo tartarus plot, the actual plot of the story and also address their trauma, add fanservice, create a believable story for why nico had to go to tartarus again ( sideyes hades) , yeah way too much for a spinnoff.

2.I would have love to know more about will. Don't get me wrong, as I gushed about it, I really like their interactions. But it felt like he was made for those interactions, like will solace is still not an individual character but nico di angelo's boyfriend. To me it felt like Rick was telling," look at this sunshine boy, I would tell you why he is perfect for nico", hence the earlier blessing comment. ( you have my blessing will, you have my blessing). But I don't care about it much, for me I was looking forward to Nico's story and I got it so I am happy.

3.There were inconsistencies, like bianca and his mother. It felt like a retconn, but it's also a story about gods, so it makes sense that hades will do it.

4.The tartarus parts didn't hit as much as I thought it would, nicos past solo trip, that is. Maybe it's because the story was written by two authors. I cried but it didn't tear my heart out. Maybe because I know nico gets out. Hmmm, something to think about.

5.Please dont take this the wrong way, but I didn't like how they constantly kept saying boyfriend. Like I get it, I know you are a couple, I want you to be couple, but it felt like the authors didn't think they would come across as a couple and kept on reminding us. This is one nitpick I have in this book.

Oh another nitpick. I wanted to see the other characters, like hazel and reyna and how did I forgot apollo. I need more apollo. I really wanted to see nico's reaction to reyna joining the hunters. Not much just a tiny reference, like when they were talking to gorgyra, like she also abandoned me, something like that.

And that's it. I can't think about any more cons.

TLDR: This book left me feeling like a proud mama who's watching her son grow up to be a hero. And that's exactly what I wanted. So, this book is a 10/10 for me. Cherished forever.

#the sun and the star #tsats spoilers #tsats #solangelo book #nico x will #solangelo #fav book #i love how cheesy it is #brought back the feelings #isnt a little too dark for 11years old #loved it

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coelii · 6 months

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ok so hi! sorry! im bigender and uh. what made you realize yoi wanted hrt? because i don't know. i want to be more masculine but i dont want ot be less feminine?? but?? aaa???

If this anon is who I think it is take everything below with a healthy grain of salt. This is my story and how I feel about things. Your story is, by definition, different from mine. And your feelings are no less valid if they don’t involve the suicidal shit I’m going to talk about. Dysphoria comes in all shades of fucked. If you feel it though, no matter how intense, there are steps to take to remedy it and HRT is only one possible step - not everyone needs it or wants it. For me though it’s been exactly what I was missing.

So I felt I was supposed to be a girl around age 8. That was when I first started experiencing what I now know is dysphoria. It involved me wearing a pair of my cousin’s socks that she’d left behind after staying in my room and reading a Babysitter’s Club book she’d also forgotten. I would act as girly as my 8-year old brain thought girls acted and I had the most intense rush of warmth cover my whole both while I did it. I now know that feeling was euphoria.

I chased that euphoria for the next 25 years of my life. I thought for many different reasons at many different times of my life that the feelings I had about being a girl were wrong, they were sinful, they were a fetish, and I did my best try at being the best “man” I knew how to be. And I was miserable. Not always of course, I have a lot of good memories from being a man, some of my best in fact. That said, there was always something missing in my life.

I thought about suicide just about every day. Then I started making plans to kill myself, but moving those goal posts at every major life event.

“I’ll kill myself when I finish college and still feel this way”

“I’ll kill myself if I get a real job and still feel this way”

After my son was born it became “I’ll kill myself after he becomes an adult and can take care of himself”

And then I finally woke up and realized that all the gender fuckery feelings I’d felt almost my entire life were because I was transgender. And when I found out that not only could I transition but by reading others people’s stories I realized I could look good and I could be happy? I knew I had to give myself the chance to be happy.

I knew HRT was for me because I wanted all of the benefits: I wanted the softer skin and nails, I wanted the sleeker hair, I wanted the fat retribution, I wanted breasts. I didn’t know if the hype surrounding emotional changes was real but I thought it couldn’t hurt anything.

And so far HRT has saved my life. Those suicide goalposts are gone - now I’m sad when I get intrusive thoughts about killing myself. My mood, even being all fucking over the place, has improved dramatically over the “dead inside” shell of a man I used to be. And when I look in the mirror I see someone smiling back at me who I finally feel, for the first time in my life, is Me.

On the whole I don’t think I minded being a man. I actually think he looked halfway decent, he made people laugh, and people liked to be around him. But in my opinion he wasn’t a good friend, he wasn’t a good husband, and he wasn’t a good father - because he wasn’t fully committed to being here. He was staving off ending his own life on a daily basis and he was never fully present. His mind was preoccupied with thoughts of “what if I had been born a woman” or “I wish life had a character creator so I could just look however I wanted”. He had gender dysphoria, he had body dysmorphia, he had depression stemming from both those things and he negatively impacted the people who loved him because of it.

HRT isn’t for everyone by any means. It’s an intensely personal choice, but for me it has (so far) done everything I wanted it to do and more. It has helped me see and feel like the woman who was always there all along. The woman who was sending threatening messages in my subconscious that I interpreted as suicidal and dysphoric thoughts. She’s out now and I’ve never been happier. I finally feel like the good friend, the good wife, and the good parent I always wanted to be. And I’m incredibly happy with my choice. :)

#coelii.ask #ask me about my transition #mtf hrt #HRT #trans pride #trans community #mom answers

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lazuliquetzal · 2 months

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thanks @bobafett for the tag i love tag games SO much

How many works do you have on AO3? 38! Huh! I don't know what I expected? (If you wanna be exact, it's actually 41 because I have 3 joke fics posted anonymously.)

What’s your total AO3 word count? 653,468

What fandoms do you write for? Whatever I'm into at the moment? Right now it's God of War. Earlier it was Linked Universe. Before that it was Daiya no Ace. But I'm not particularly loyal, it's literally just whatever idea that manages to stick.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Reflection -- a classic AA Batteries -- my beloved Dawn of the Fourth -- *evil cackling* ain't no rest for the wicked -- oh my god do people still click on this Denial and Deterioration -- I SWEAR I'M STILL WORKING ON IT I ACTUALLY ADDED TO THE DOC LIKE 3 DAYS AGO

Do you respond to comments? I try to! I try to catch every comment, but if a fic is on the older side and the comment isn't super long, I sometimes don't reply. Not because I don't like the comment (i love all comments i love you all) but because if a fic is not fresh in my brain I don't have much to say

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? DO NOT READ IT, but it's the shadows we cast. I was fifteen. I'm not linking it on here. It's still on my AO3 because I'm not a coward, but I'm also not very brave, so like, don't read my high school fic, you've been warned.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Candid? That one is SUPER fluffy, which is not normally my style, but you know, sometimes you just gotta flex your fluff muscles,

Do you get hate on fics? Eh, not really. I've gotten a few negative comments, but mostly from FFN, and I honestly don't even count those lol.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? No. I genuinely wouldn't even know where to begin.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Nah, crossovers aren't my thing.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? I have seen a fic that was very blatantly referencing one of mine, but I don't really consider that stealing.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Does the absolutely insane crack fic written on the tail end of a 29-hour voice call count?

What’s your all time favorite ship? Hmm. I read a lot of Merthur, but that's mostly because the Merlin fandom tends to be really good, and therefore there's a lot of good Merthur (although I do like Merthur a lot, super Shakespearean, only valid soulmate pairing I've ever seen).

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? If I abandon a fic, I'm going to make an announcement. If I haven't officially abandoned it, it's still fair game. That said, Replication is like, on the lowest of low priorities.

What are your writing strengths? It comes with absorbing plot structure into your personality, but yeah, I'm a kick ass plotter. Also comedy. That also comes with the plot structure.

What are your writing weaknesses? Atmosphere/description. Worldbuilding. Also to a lesser extent, character voice -- I feel like I eventually default to everyone just sounding like me

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Depends on context, but it's always through the lens of "how does this effect the experience for the reader?"

First fandom you wrote for? I wrote a Star Wars fanfic when I was like, 9. First fanfiction on PURPOSE was for PJO.

Favorite fic you’ve written? I think the best thing I've written so far is DotF, but my favorite is probably The Disappearance of Narumiya Mei. WHICH I'M ALSO STILL WORKING ON, life just got REALLY WEIRD and I had to take a step back from it RIP

Tagging @tavina-writes, @ellie-tarts, @lieutenantbiscute, @aoryuucchi, @bytebun, @mimbotomy (no pressure if you don't want to!) and of course anyone who feels like doing this

#lazuli talks #i started writing disappearance for the Fun and then suddenly i had a bit of an irl love life which terrified me into putting it down #i have so many feelings about aroace narumiya mei it's so insane actually #this is definitely a case of 'lazuli in her echo chamber' but the fact that the widespread fanon of narumiya mei is NOT aroace offends me #do you see my vision #re: candid -- it's a very excellent textbook example of sports anime fluff #it is the middle slider of sports anime fluff. you can tell i edited it to be the middle slider of sports anime fluff bc it is exactly 10K #re: the insane 29 hour voice call crack fic #you can ask me about it. i won't be able to say anything though.#re: the anonymous joke fics. one was for april fools and the other was the greatest prank i've ever pulled off #solar if you're ever reading this i love you

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starsscarmyceiling · 1 year

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have you finished battle scars? 😐

Oh damn nonnie. I mean sit the fuck down and get comfortable because I have a lot of feelings on this. Please keep in mind that these are my opinions and takes. I am not looking to fight or argue. If your experience differs from mine and you have different opinions, you are still totally valid.

Alright my babies, let's get into it...

It’s difficult. I feel like I—well, have a lot of feelings, like I said. And upon further contemplation the more time passes (which I know it’s only been out for like a week and a half, but still), the more aspects of it tend to confuse and baffle me.

Because yes, am I happy there was a Merrical implied ending? I mean, of course. What kind of Merrical shipper would I be if I wasn’t? I guess my main frustrations therein lie with the overall story that was told. Because first of all, I thought the story was kind of weak. But Merrin having her moment and being able to process her trauma? Yes. The Mantis, attempting and sorting out the internal issues amongst them? Yes. Cal, attempting to challenge his beliefs of everything he has been taught within the context of this new galaxy? Yes. Merrin and Cal ultimately choosing to stay with each other because they want to? YES.

I understand why Merrin did what she did throughout the book. She was still in a cycle of heavy depression, and there was a vicious cycle of her not having any source to fill herself back up because one, she never had the opportunity to process her trauma (apparently), and two, nor was there an environment that was actively being fostered for her to do so. The Jedi are known of course, to be in line with that toxic positivity, but what frustrated me was all of the juicy potential that we could have had.

What actually bothered me about her so called “development” is that it happened off screen. It was all like, well just take our word, she is like finding all of these things out over here we promise. Because the whole time she was doing this, it was completely dependent on another character that was not Cal, just some random bitch we don’t care about, instead of coming to these things on her own or with someone she has an actual bond with. The way in which these things came about pissed me off so much because she could have had these moments with Cal, whom apparently she had this amazing developed relationship with, of which we never got to actually see. They went back and forth saying the Mantis crew wasn’t touchy feely, but then talked about how her and Cal had all these long, meaningful conversations…so like…what the fuck were these conversations actually about? They never talked about themselves or their traumas at all???? Merrin literally thinks at one point, up until she met Fret, Cal was the only person she felt like she could share things about herself with…but the way in which this was written really doesn’t make me believe that at all. It was just cheaply done like, lol, well just again trust us that these two people have developed relationship here in the interim. It was like, so unsatisfying to read. At no point did they actually show how and why her and Cal grew to care about one another other than us being told they were. That is what I am truly pressed about.

Also, I truly am not a fan of how Cal’s characterization was handled. I feel like he was just written like he was like seven years old or something. Cal can be awkward and aloof, sure…but I feel like this was just taken too far. Not only did he get cucked (in his own fucking BED; idc I will never get over that), but he also got reduced to a seven year old boy that didn’t have nearly as much depth as he could have had. I liked him questioning his ideology, but I felt like these topics were brought up and not really resolved. When I write Cal, I feel like all of the potential lies in using what has already been given to us. I see Cal as someone who is well versed at understanding people’s emotions, an empath, compassionate, protective, and obviously having such a big heart, especially for those he cares about and loves. And is this because of his psychometry? Or just how he is naturally, who knows it could be a combination of both. Think about it, this is a person that has been experiencing what could be complex adult emotions his whole life. And you’re telling me that he’s still that oblivious? Hmm, I don’t think. And wtf he doesn’t feel that many echoes? Mf was going around that whole game feelings those all the fucking time.

If I could quote a frond, @wayfaringjedi, this was a pretty hot take:

“How much stronger would it have been for Cal to confront that he has to allow her to feel anger to heal, and that anger is a useful emotion

How much stronger would it have been for Merrin to realise that safety exists, that she will not be rejected for being herself or being difficult or being angry, that she has her place

How could it have been for Cal to realise that he had made Merrin feel that he was not a safe person to disclose this to? How would that have challenged his ideology?

Or for Merrin to realise her refusal to try to access peace like Cal does is what alienates her from others?”

And honestly, couldn’t have said it better myself. Like, do you know how many amazing fics I've read out there, where it's Merrin and Cal, getting to have these moments in the engine room? Where it's them having pillow talk and growing closer? God this whole thing really felt like a slap in the face I was not prepared for.

These characters weren’t really handled with care. I didn’t hate the whole book, but I just feel like it just could have been better. I am veryyyyy much interested in what’s going to happen in Survivor, I mean we all are, obviously. I was taking comfort in Merrin saying they were probably never going to see Fret again. I really don’t understand why Fret was there. There is a way to create situations and tension and conflict and making important realizations between them without inserting some random purple bitch. Because istfg, if at some point in Survivor, we have to go like pick up Merrin and she is with Fret, I am going to throw my PS5 out the window and scream and rage in the streets. (Respawnnnnn, I know where you live do not TEST me). I am obviously hoping for canon Merrical, which I do think is a distinct possibility. Because if we don’t, then what the fuck was all of that for?

I feel like BS (heh, aptly named) has suffered the TROS problem of not being able to satisfy anyone lol. Okay because who the FUCK is this book for dude?

Because it’s obviously pissed off all the Merricals. We would have never wanted this.

And it doesn’t really satisfy those who don’t ship either because there is so much Merrical subtext.

But, I mean, I do have to say this book did make me grow to love Greez even more. He was 👑💩 the whole fucking time. Throwing shade at Fret throughout, I was living for it. When he went off on Fret after he woke up from getting his arm cut off, I was fucking eating my popcorn like pop offfff. And I cannot emphasize enough how much I loved Cal in his petty jealous area. Obsessed. He deserves it completely like also go off 👑. Him and Greez were my only bright spots throughout this experience. So glad he got to have his moment too when he "I KNOW HOW IT FEELS!" God I love it. We should all just listen to Greez at all times, like yes please let us drop that Fret bitch off on Batuu with a fruit cake bing bang boom.

I also did enjoy the moments between Cere and Cal together really trying to navigate what it means to be a Jedi in this galaxy in this so entirely dangerous climate for them. Glad Cere is embracing her as a Jedi and using the force again. Totally got the foreshadowing of her being in some kind of archives that we saw in the trailer, preserving the ways of the Jedi. Very fitting for her.

And yesss, there were a few cute moments. Those first two chapters were LIT I gotta say. Like TOGETHER THEY WERE THE LIGHT AND THE DARK CAL WAS THE STAR THAT ILLUMINATED HER SHADOW, that did murder me. And the fucking wound cleaning scene, omfg. I know that murdered ALL of us. Jfc.

I also feel like it would have been a lot more interesting for Fret to just be there to betray them. It would have taught Merrin a lesson of not just diving into something with someone that is entirely based on lust. The fact that she got a redemption was idk…just boring to me I guess. And I know I am biased because I don’t like her, but I mean come on I am a feral fucking Merrical over here is anyone surprised???

Okay lol, have I complained enough? Haha I am guessing you knew what you were getting into anon when you came to my ask box. Lol everyone knows I can never stfu. Anyway, hope that satisfied you.

And hm should you guys be looking out on the horizon for something? Well let’s just say I am definitely using all of these feelings that I have and am putting them somewhere 💅🏻

Anyway, I hope all the Merricals out there are having a great day. Meet me at Applebees and we can cry together 💕💕💕

#alright you guys there you go katie went off again is anyone surprised #LOLOLOL i need to make this into a powerpoint presentation istg #but yes all the merricals are at applebees come find us #aeroiaoijasoihjaeh alright i have truly rambled on enough #jedi battle scars #jbs #battle scars spoilers #sw novels #cal kestis #merrin #merrical #greez dritus #cere junda #mantis crew #ask #sorry this took me a minute to answer. obviously took a while to compile all the feels together

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lemonhemlock · 1 year

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I've seen so many criticism regarding The targaryen but one caught my attention is that they're white colonizers-coded , do you think it's a valid point against this family? Obviously I didn't read the books so i don't know much about them beside dany in the show but it would be strange if that's true in the books when dany fans cry about her "unfair" treatment by D&D

It is true, anon. The Targaryens are the whitest of the white, with white-silver hair and purple eyes. Special magical blood that they prize amongst all things and prefer to practice incest instead of marrying outside their family and diluting their dragon DNA.

The optics are a little different since Westeros is based on medieval England, so most people are white European stand-ins, with Dorne being the most diverse. But no other family or ethnic group emphazises their racial superiority in such a way like Targaryens do. Lannisters are white, blonde, with light-coloured eyes, too, but they're not framed like the Aryan Master Race, if you get my drift.

It's harder to see with Dany because she's the last Targaryen left, supposedly, and also can't have children, so it's a little harder to be a blood supremacist when you're a party of one.

Of course, there is also the real possibility that George thought he should include elf-like characters with unusual colouring in his 90s fantasy book and things kind of escalated from there. But there's a lot of bloody supremacy discourse that Targaryens themselves perpetuate - sure, not with the intention of committing genocide in Westeros - but with the intention of setting themselves apart as special and above common men, "closer to gods", so to speak.

Add that to the fact that Valyrians not only terrorized Essos and enslaved various POC-coded peoples, they also brutalized those slaves in their magical volcano mines and used them to fuel their blood sacrifices to keep their society going.... and it becomes a lot.

#ask #anon #anti valyria #dany stans would never agree but also her behaviour and time as ruling queen in slaver's bay is problematic af #she ends up doing more harm than good #others have written more extensive meta on the topic of dany's fuck-ups but the white saviour framing is real

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har-rison-s · 2 years

Text

freaks

eddie munson x afab!reader

a/n: so hi. I hope you guys liked my previous eddie piece. I’ve had a fun and rough couple days and actually the whole week or the last fucking few months lol :D I’m finally back to writing a lot and having time to myself too actually. I love writing and eddie’s a very interesting character to write, also hard because he’s so charismatic and explosive and theatrical. I love him can you tell? also me and him are kinda similar :’) and our mbtis are compatible.... anyways. your good will be updated, too.... this one-shot is I guess pretty much a self insert. I’ve felt really insecure again the past few days and I don’t really have anyone who understands my struggles and insecurities so as always in those cases I’ve decided to write it all out. in combination with a little dream scenario of mine + breaking the cheerleader / freak stereotype that is frequent in eddie x reader fics. not that I’m complaining or like hating on them !! I love that dynamic a lot. just wanted to experiment with this kind of dynamic, and I hope I make it work. i also wrote from my heart because in school i was always bullied and called names just like eddie was, i was always the freak, and so that cafeteria scene was very comforting to me, and representative of me & others like me. so i'm incorporating that into here, too. I have two-three more eddie one-shot ideas. let me know if you want to be tagged when I post them. love you all. happy reading <3

disclaimer: this is set in like ’85, making eddie 19-20, the reader 18-19 and the kids in their respective younger years, 13-15, though they make close to zero appearance here.

masterlist

stranger things masterlist

word count: 3.4k

tags: bullying, nm else

gif credit goes to owner!

being different in a small town society such as Hawkins isn’t easy. you get all types of nasty treatment from people around you, from the general public and even, occasionally, newspapers and reality shows on tv. hard for anyone to deal with that kind of treatment.

however, when you’re a girl, it is much, much worse to be different. not liking the music all the other girls like is crime number one. dressing differently and wearing different make-up is crime number two. having different views and behaving differently and, quite frankly, more naturally than all the other girls, is crime number three. and it’s the most serious one.

it’s not like you ever wanted to be different. there’s plenty of those people at school and in society, but you’ve never been one of them. you just are different, always have been and actually always will be different, too. you guess you’re just wired differently, not like everyone else. something in you is by default different, and you won’t change that. it’s not like you could change that, even, and you have tried. looking at your peers, you’re sure you don’t want to change that. being different has its pros and cons, as does everything else.

even before your friends had decided to ditch you because you were just too bizarre for them, they didn’t understand you like you needed them to, or thought they would. in your friend group, you didn’t get everything completely off the bat, you didn’t catch on, and were only included in hang-outs and parties because you just always had been, as if it was an unspoken rule that they couldn’t break. until a point, of course.

you were never the prettiest among your friends, that was a fact to you. most days it hurt, and still does. because you still haven’t been asked out by anyone in your life ever. no one’s ever had a crush on you, not even an embarrassing crush from someone you totally didn’t like. no boy has shown even a slight bit of interest in you ever, and it’s not like you need male validation to survive. you make it out like it doesn’t affect you, like it’s nothing important.

but when your friends started talking about their first kiss, which you haven’t ever had, either; and when they started talking about going on dates, getting boyfriends and having sex; and when your parents had started to ask you about boys, especially your mom, telling you she’s sort of already waiting on you to bring a boy home to introduce to her; every girl in this society should have had at least one boyfriend by now, that includes you.

when all of that comes to the front of your mind, and you’re reminded of the topic more than daily, you can’t ignore the hurt, the absence, the loneliness that comes with it. you’ve never felt a guy’s hands on you, not in any way or with any random reason, not even a hug or a stupid handshake. no guy has ever asked you for a dance, has never approached you for anything else. you’ve never had a first kiss or a first time, and honestly the thought of having them now scares you much less than the thought of never having them, as opposed to how it used to scare you before.

you like to put on a face that says you don’t care that you haven’t been with anyone. people at school have deemed you both sides of the spectrum—a prude and a slut. oh, we can’t forget the mean bitch title. calling you a prude you understand, but a bitch? you’re mean to people who deserve it, and have a defensive nature over-all. a slut?! now that has absolutely no back-up.

boys have always leaned more towards making fun of you than being genuine to you, friendly to you. and you act like it’s all fine, which it isn’t, but no one wants to see you cry every day and wear a sad face either. so you put up your best mask.

max mayfield, though a few years younger than you, and still not in high school, had been the only girl you could name that felt most similar to you. she also always stood up for herself, spoke bluntly and gave people her piece of mind. the only difference between you two being that she has a boyfriend. even she! you sometimes think. here she is, about to enter high school, a boyfriend by her side, and you’re on your last year of high school without a boyfriend, without any experience in that field. if you compare it, people, and a hidden part of you, would call that very depressing.

but it’s not really your fault, is it? even though you often tell yourself the opposite. you dress in clothes that are comfortable, that feel like you. same goes for the make-up you use, and same for the music you blast in your ears with your walkman. you’re being yourself, and you’ve become angry that people, mostly your friends and guys at school, can’t see and appreciate that. it’s not like they’re embracing themselves, unless they really are shallow-minded sheep who like to put down others for fun.

most people in hawkins aren’t so different. the ones who are stand out like a sore thumb. a group of those thumbs is called the hellfire club. group of boys who play d&d, whose leader is a notorious metal head and trouble-maker. not that he can help it. as much as your being different by default from everyone else, eddie munson was born with something wicked in his blood, in his dna, that he can’t shake, no matter how he’d try.

during lunch, you always sit in the corner, or somewhere near the back of the cafeteria. mostly because you don’t belong to a group that you could sit with. and also because your ears don’t find the sound of people chewing very pleasing. you can’t help but overhear the cheer team’s—half of your former friends’—conversations. or the jocks’. or the party people. that all usually makes you pull out your walkman and blast distracting and drowning-out music into your ears, just like you’re doing now.

but when you see a certain someone prancing about his club’s table, or even walking around the cafeteria and even stepping on stools and tables, your attention’s been swerved into a better lane. but now, when you suddenly feel that certain someone’s voice above and then next to your ear, as well as his body plopping theatrically down next to yours, your attention’s been utterly stolen away, even from your music.

with confused eyes and drawn eyebrows, you pull your headphones down so they’re hanging around your hair-covered neck, and turn your head to look at the leader of the hellfire club. a wide, mischievous grin is etched into his face, his eyes looking into yours, shining. and the next second he’s whisking your headphones up and away from you and putting them on his own ears. “wha—” you can’t even think of the question to ask him as you watch him position the phones over his ears, not bothering his perfectly messy hair, of course, and diving into your selection of music for the day. soon he begins even bopping his head to it, but the moment is gone as soon as it came.

eddie munson takes the headphones off his head and hands them back to you. as you place your hand on the device, you warily look at him. “that’s a great song right there,” he says to you, his deep voice nearly shaking your headphones and nearly touching hands with its thunder, how much deeper it is than you’ve heard, “though i do enjoy the more lively stuff osborn has to offer. much more metal.” he nods to his own statement as he still looks at you. probably awaiting a reaction. yet you have none, at least not yet, for this approach has completely bedazzled you. scratch that eddie’s been deemed the school and town freak—you don’t care about it, in fact, it makes you like him even more—he has sat down next to you and started a conversation about music, your most passionate hobby. “well, hey, i thought the school meanie would have at least one or two mean words for me.” eddie admits with a chuckle. you appreciate that he didn’t use the more vulgar terminology on you, and a smile sneaks into your features as you take your headphones fully back. you press pause on your walkman and begin wrapping the wire around the set of headphones.

“it’s not you who deserves those words,” you finally tell him your honest opinion, and that makes eddie raise his eyebrows in slight surprise. that’s not what girls in this school usually have to say about him. he swings the leg of his that was hanging over the stool over to the other one, so he could sit even closer to you. you don’t know why he’d want to, you frankly have no clue, but you don’t pull away, or push him away, “and i’m not a bitch, really, i just tell people my honest, open thoughts. they’re just not what they want to hear,” you shoot eddie a side glance. he has now taken fascination in your bag that you’d carefully laid down on the table in front of you. all your pins, all your embroidery pieces, all the patches you have. you truly are almost what he expected, “which includes that... black sabbath isn’t metal.” you shake your head. eddie rests his hand across his chest, right where his heart is, and makes a shocked face. you chuckle. “it’s dirty, heavy rock, really.” you shrug.

“how... dare you,” eddie says theatrically, “besmirch ozzy osborn’s name and level of metalness!” he shakes his head and plays a victim of hard disappointment with gestures and facial expressions. it makes you smile. you don’t know what it is—eddie or someone disagreeing with you—but you let it make you smile. “maybe you are a meanie after all.”

you shrug. “i’ll leave that for you to decide yourself,” you tell him and try to carry on with actually eating your lunch, “you on a diet, munson?”

“huh?” the man blinks, really truly caught off guard by the question, not realising what it implies.

“are you on a diet and have deemed me as a distracting spectacle?” you ask him a more in-depth question. yet he’s still blind as to what it could mean. “why are you here?” you offer a straight-forward question, and turn your head to face him completely. eddie gives you a half-grin now.

“what, you scared to be seen with the school freak?” he asks. and even though he meant the question with humour, even teasing, there’s a hint of insecurity in his voice and eyes when he speaks his deemed title. freak. you can immediately tell he doesn’t like that title as much as he promises that he does, as much as he’s embraced it.

“please, munson,” you say with your mouth half-full, “if anyone’s here a freak, it’s me. ever met another girl in this school who listens to metal? dresses like me? has dyed black hair?” you gesture at yourself to make a point. eddie snorts a chuckle. he likes your attire.

“thought black sabbath wasn’t metal.” he says in a quieter voice, a playful, but sincere smile on his lips. it’s also a shy one, which is a rare occurrence on him. his smiles are always big, loud, wide. eddie appreciates that you don’t say the word freak the way he does. to him you sound proud, or at least acknowledging of that title and maybe also the status it provides. you give him a deadpan stare.

“come on,” you say, “if i listened to only one band, i’d go insane. don’t tell me you’re a fake metal fan and don’t know metallica.”

“know them? my fingers have bled for them,” eddie argues, “i swear to you,” he crosses his heart with his hand and nearly bows in front of you, “i know all their best songs perfectly on guitar.” eddie makes a theatrical gesture of his hand, a sort-of bow in front of you.

“is that so?” you challenge him, and turn your body more towards him, bending your black-skirt clad knee up to your chest, tucking your chin over it as you look at the very friendly and understanding man in front of you. you know he’s older than you, you know this is his second year that he’s been pushed back. but that doesn’t really matter now. he’s very much like you. that trumps all. “why don’t you prove it and play them to me sometime?” you’re surprised at how bold you’re being right now with him. is this you asking him out on a date? you’re asking eddie munson on a date. are you?you hope you are, and you hope he gets the message.

a soft, even shy smile appears on eddie’s lips, and he utters a quiet chuckle. you think you even see his cheeks heat up with a slight blush. wow, this man is easy. easier than you expected. “that’s what i came over to ask you,” he says and looks up into your eyes with his big doe ones. they resemble a dog’s eyes, though because of eddie’s nature, you’d write him off more as a cat.

“me?” you play along with his usual theatrics, raising your eyebrows and making gestures with your hands that imitate his previous ones. it makes him smile, you can see that. “you sure you haven’t mistaken me for someone else? i’m the prude bitch of the school, remember?” you remind him. eddie has a chuckle.

“well, as you stated before,” he starts to say, and you can see that he actually is flustered. for whatever reason. couldn’t be you, right? “you’re the only girl in this forsaken school who listens to metal, so,” eddie continues, “who else would be interested in a documentary film about the rise of heavy rock and metal music in the US of A?” he grins as he spreads two pastel blue coloured tickets on the stool between you both. only now you notice he’s been sitting with his legs sprawled over the stool again for a while now.

your eyes light up, slowly looking from the tickets to eddie, and your eyebrows raise. you’re glad that part of your face is hidden by being tucked behind your knee, because eddie would have a field day at seeing how you’re blushing right now. though you’re pretty sure he knows that you are, anyway. he’s the kind of person who gets under people’s skin—positively and negatively—and loves to tease them. you, included. though he hasn’t really done that yet. “you wanna go see it? with me?” he’s got you so good that any façade of yours would have fallen, if you would have had one. you can’t hide your pleasant and big surprise at his offer. he came over to you exactly, precisely, only you and no one else. does he like you?

eddie nods his head at your question, lips tight in a closed smile. another rare expression on him. everything about him is loud, and yet with you, now, at this table, he’s gone quiet. that is really unusual.

“won’t you be bored? you must be a walking metal and rock encyclopedia,” you make a point in your ramble out of nervousness. surely he’s not asking you on a date. is he? what if he’s playing a prank on you? what if he’ll be a no-show? is he really asking you to go see a movie about a shared interest with you? is this real? all these questions and doubts have you feeling very nervous, “you know everything already, you’ll just be... mouthing along to each word the narrator says.”

eddie laughs at your speculations about him and his music knowledge—which are flattering, of course—and his beautiful smile catches your eye. it’s almost like the smile doesn’t belong to someone with eddie’s façade. freak. metal-head. nerd. mean and scary and defensive. his smile (and his whole demeanour around you now) is the complete opposite of all that. but, you guess, appearances and reputations, are quite deceiving. “believe it or not, i haven’t seen it yet. thank you for the compliment, but uh,” he shakes his head and moves his stare from the tickets to you, he keeps switching back and forth between those two, “one man can’t know everything.”

“but he tries to,” you say with a fond smile, that same blush still tinting your cheeks. eddie nods, and his eyes solemnly stay on yours. his smile fades a little, and his face almost becomes... more serious? if you dare say.

“so, whadda ya say,” eddie says and raises the tickets up again to highlight his offer, “7pm tomorrow, you, me and a metal documentary against the world?” he offers again in a creative way, and his lips spread into a grin.

you’re about to grin just as wide, let him see the blush he’s been making you have after all in all its glory, and tell eddie munson yes, yes, absolutely, yes, when a nasty remark from someone distracts you. “well, if it isn’t the prude with the freak?” jason carver, the so-deemed king of hawkins high, captain of the basketball team, says with a big ugly grin on his face as he comes over to your table. the two people at the far end of the table sit still in their places, only it seems they’ve just now noticed eddie has come over and sat here with you. you ignore the looks of them and momentarily glance at eddie before strongly moving your eyes over to jason. “you were such a nice girl, y/n, why would a freak like him be in your taste.” jason says now, giving eddie that nasty look-over as he mentions him.

you sigh and try not to think about how that comment makes eddie feel. or rather, you think about that rather than how it makes you feel. “what, are you mad that i never had a crush on perfect little jason?” you tease, enjoying doing it with a mocking expression on your face, and see how visibly the boy’s face falls. you grin wide, the grin growing close to eddie’s visually. sort of resembles a little devil, as well. you’ve always loved to grin like that when teasing people. you grab your things and take the two tickets eddie’s offered in your hands, too, and get up from your seat.

you ignore the looks from half the cafeteria now, nearly all eyes on you and eddie. he cluelessly looks up at you, a silent hope to not leave him alone here in his eyes. “come on, we have class,” you say to him just in time as the bell rings, alerting everyone for that very same thing. eddie grins wide, matching your grin, and gets up as well, with you, “try adjusting that stick up your ass, carver. or ask one of your buddies to do it for you, yeah?” you offer to jason as parting words, a grin on your lips all the same as you look at him over your shoulder before walking to the exit with eddie.

eddie munson gives jason the regular bird-flipping attitude as he walks off to class with you, and he does so happily. he adores the look on jason’s face after your assassination on him, and eddie can’t help but gush to you about it. “that was sooooo,” he scrunches up his nose at you cutely, and you giggle. your faces as close as they’ve ever been, “fucking badass.” you giggle again, this time the giggles turning into solid laughter. i adore you, eddie nearly says, but stops on the first word because you speak up.

“to answer your question—yes,” you tell him sweetly, “i’ll love for you to take me to see that movie.” you say, raising the tickets in question upwards. eddie’s face completely changes – it rises like the sun, you could say. wide smile, wide eyes, a happy expression over-all. god, this boy is golden. “only condition - you’ll show me all your guitar tricks after.”

eddie blushes and makes a cute smile. “you got yourself a deal, sweetheart.”

permanent tag-list: @gabiatthedisco @v0idbella @works-of-fanfiction @ur-gunna-h8-ths @betweenloveandfire @but-legendsneverdie @deardeacy @thewinchesterchronicles @mavieesttriste16 @intrrverted @the-freak-cassie-131 @gasbomb69 @xoxobabydolls @corallyink @rottenstyx @d4td7ewmachine

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson one shot #eddie munson #eddie munson fic #har-rison-s writes

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incoherentmaladaptivedaydreaming · 1 year

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Ominis x MC Timeline Headcanon

I am an Ominis girly for life but this is what I think would be a “realistic” timeline of how Ominis and MC’s relationship would develop based on my own interpretation of the characters and plot. I feel like most things I read about OminisxMC are so sweet (WHICH IS SO VALID AND I LOVE IT) BUT I personally feel like there would be a lot more angst between the two, given how depressing Sebastian and Ominis’s storyline is.

SO HERE MY PERSONAL HEAD CANON OF THEIR TIMELINE that’s basically a fanfiction but in bullet points lmaooo

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DISCUSS WHAT YOUR INTERPRETATIONS OF THE CHARACTERS WOULD BE.

I actually don’t think Ominis would have developed feelings for MC in the course of the main game

He would come to care for MC’s friendship through out the plot, but imo, he would be far more concerned about Sebastian than about romance. He wouldn’t even have the time to really consider anything like that.

I also think Ominis and Anne have a much deeper connection that people either tend to ignore or not really think about. Multiple times, Anne trusts Ominis’s judgement over Sebastian and in the end, she stays in touch with him. Ominis is really all Anne has tbh and in some ways, Anne is all Ominis has at the end of the game as well. (Personally can see Ominis being in love with Anne and her loving him as well.)

If MC chooses to send Sebastian to Azkaban, I think the two would only really have each other to rely on while they try to move on since no one else knows what happened in the catacombs.

If MC chooses to protect Sebastian at the end (the right choice), I think the trio would be very distant for a long time. At least as a group. :(

Especially Sebastian and Ominis. I know a lot of people would want to imagine that the two would have mended their relationship by the next year, but I don’t think it would be possible until well into the next year or even their seventh year.

They both care A LOT about each other. But after everything’s that happened, they need space and time away from each other.

MC and Sebastian would stay close, albeit the ✨ incident✨ would make things awkward for maybe a couple months, but trauma bonding means your relationship will come out stronger 😎

I feel like Ominis and MC wouldn’t really be close immediately afterwards, esp if we are going to base this off the game interactions only. We weren’t as close to Ominis as we are with Sebastian. (Most of our interactions with him are when Sebastian is doing hoodrat shit and we’re helping him so 💀)

However, I think Ominis wouldn’t hate us; in fact, he’d probably be grateful that Sebastian had MC to keep him company while Ominis could not be around him. Even though there is tension, MC and Ominis would still be friendly.

During their sixth year, MC would be almost like the middle man between the two boys. Ominis stays in contact with Anne and while she doesn’t want to talk to Sebastian, Ominis would give MC updates about her to let Sebastian know that Anne was okay.

Sebastian writes Anne letters regularly and asks MC to pass them to Ominis to pass them to Anne. She doesn’t respond.

Halfway through the year, MC would ask if it’s okay for them to join Ominis in visiting Anne so she’s not as lonely.

Anne would tell MC that she used to be angry at them for encouraging her brother down his path, but deep down she knew what Sebastian is like. Ominis also tells Anne stories about MC often so she understands what kind of person MC is and doesn’t hold a grudge.

“A friend of Ominis is a friend of mine.”

When Sebastian hears that MC is also seeing Anne, he tells MC all of Anne’s favorite things so he can care for her from afar. Continues to write to her.

Anne also asks about Sebastian often, even though it looks like it pains her to think about him. She still can’t respond to his letters yet.

MC and Anne become quite good friends.

The two boys would ask MC about how the other is doing.

Ominis lost his second home in Feldcroft and probably has to go home to his family.

Sebastian knows this and probably tells MC to keep a close eye on Ominis to make sure he’s doing okay. He’d tell MC what Ominis’s little tells for when he is upset or his favorite things to do/eat so MC can take care of Ominis on his behalf.

MC would probably start crushing a lot harder on Ominis at this point but does not say anything, knowing what he was dealing with emotionally. (Also it’s not hard to see how much Anne and Ominis mean to each other.)

I think the boys would end up speaking again by the end of sixth year, and it’d start small. Something like MC and Sebastian are talking then Ominis approaches them to tell MC something real quick but also greets Sebastian before leaving.

Before he would avoid Sebastian as much as he could or not acknowledge him.

Sebastian would get emotional. It’s small, but it’s a start.

At the start of seventh year, they are finally talking again but it’s not the same quite yet. They avoid acknowledging the incident like the plague.

If the conversation of dark arts were to ever come up in passing in a group (I don’t think these two would bring it up on their own), Ominis can get a little passive aggressive towards Sebastian. If Sebastian is around, he’d stay quiet and feel quite guilty.

I think Ominis would be very dedicated to Anne at this point. I’m not completely sure what the curse causes in the game, but I interpreted it that Anne has limited time before the curse takes her rather than her having severe chronic pain for the rest of her life.

Ominis doesn’t directly talk about Anne with Sebastian yet since he wants to wait for Anne to indicate that she is ready to let Sebastian back in. Sebastian will try to pry every once in while but Ominis will try to change the topic. However, he will say vague things to reassure Sebastian that Anne is safe and okay or that he’s taking care of her.

MC is over the moon that they’re talking again. They’d continue to mediate if things get tense but otherwise, the three begin to regularly hang out more.

MC would be hiding their feelings for Ominis still, though it’s painful, especially seeing him and Anne together.

Even though their feelings are obvious for each other, Anne wouldn’t let anything go farther since she knew her time was short.

MC would feel ashamed for being jealous and try to turn their attention to helping Anne with Ominis as best they can.

As her condition worsens, Anne asks about seeing Sebastian eventually, maybe halfway through their seventh year. Almost two years after the incident.

She writes a response letter to Sebastian (who continues to write to her despite not getting responses for the past year).

Sebastian is Emotional.

This marks the start of everyone truly healing.

Either they all get together and cry or Sebastian and Ominis finally acknowledge what happened in the past. Whatever it is, they finally begin to move on.

Sebastian comes to visit Anne now. All 4 of them get together and just take care of each other.

They make it to the end of the year!!

Soon after, Anne gets much worse and her time comes to an end.

Before she passed, she made MC promise to take care of the boys.

Everyone is devastated. Sebastian loses his twin, Ominis loses his lover, and MC loses their friend.

The three comfort each other once Anne is gone.

Since they’ve graduated, they all eventually go on their own paths.

MC buries their feelings for Ominis and don’t tell him.

Not sure what the boys would do, but personally I’d love for MC to continue working with beasts, maybe with Poppy.

I can see Sebastian and Natty going into the same or a similar field. Something with action. Fighting dark wizards or something.

I feel like the Gaunts would try to have a path paid out for Ominis but he’d be like fuck y’all and do something else lmao

Years would pass, the three would keep in touch but don’t see each other as often.

Eventually, Ominis and MC run into each other or happen to encounter each other at their respective work places.

They’d go out to catch up.

Find out Ominis hasn’t been dating or really interested in anyone since Anne died.

MC has been too busy with work to date too.

They agree to hang out more often now that they find out that they’re located much closer to each other than before.

It is at this point where I think Ominis and MC would “realistically” form a romantic relationship. They both have had time to heal and this relationship would be built on years of deep trust and loyalty.

#ominis gaunt #ominis x mc #ominis #sebastian sallow #anne sallow #hogwarts legacy headcanons

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mydigitaldiaryz · 2 months

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Entry Log #9

God, I have a lot of things on my mind right now that I want to type out. I'll probably ditch out after one or two thought, so expect a continuation of this entry later. With each thought, I'll be labeling it. longggg oneee. Honestly, shouldn't even bother reading it. Just drop this a like because I love the validation it gives me 😭!!!!

TW; talks of suicide, selfharm, idk what else but just beware

#1)

I might head into recovery, almost for the fucks sake of it. I don't know, maybe a sudden change of heart, or just because one spark of joy happened that will probably cease the moment I wake up tomorrow, but I'm doing some damage control. If I die soon, which is a high consideration, I don't want ugly scars on my body when I'm found, nor look fucked up. Also, I've been trying to get more positive thoughts, to steer myself from actually pulling anything stupid, like actually popping pills by the bottle or really freaking out and ending it all.

I've conjured up some methods. First, if I think super hard/seriously about committing or self harming, I'll drop down and do 20 push-ups or 2 minutes straight of planking, (obviously only at home. Why the hell would I do that in public. Plus, they'll all add up.)

Second, I'll do a stop, drop, and roll method. The reason I choose this method was because my suicidal tendencies are similar to a fire spreading all over my body, if I don't do anything about it, it will continue to ignite me and burn/hurt me in a bad way. So obviously, I have to get rid of it. In the funnest way possible, (so recovery doesn't make me struggle that bad.)

Third, is honestly just throwing a temper tantrum in my room. Scream, kick, and whining all around. Hell, I'll probably let myself claw at the walls. For a great chuckle later, I could just act out dramatically how I feel, like collapsing to my knees the moment I shut my room door after a miserable day at school like a cartoon character in a movie. I just picked this one to let me mess around a bit, because I'll probably find it funny of me later on throwing a fit. Of course, I'll never act on this method in public. That one is only for the security of my room and my room only.

Except, this is a might situation. I'll look at how I feel tomorrow and see if I'm willing enough to go through this little recovery plan of mine, even if it will probably be short-lived, atleast I tried.

#2)

I have conflicted feelings with my girlfriend. This is just my first time really feeling love since I've never felt this way with a person before, or I think so. I never really felt how it was like being in genuine love with a person, so I have no clue. Like love, I have this sort of odd obsession with her, wanting her to know all about me and me knowing everything about her, yadda, yadda, like all lovely relationships have. Except, I don't know if I'm forcing all of this. Sometimes, it feels forced for me to love her, but other times the love between us feels so natural how our bodies just connect together like a puzzle, or how are hands 'n lips can simply find each other so easily.

I think I might have wanted this, but then again, this was also forced on me by my friends. So I don't really know. I mean, I do suppose I see a future with her, I can feel myself feeling genuine feelings for her, but I don't know if I wanted this in the first place. Sometimes, it irks me out. Us acting all romantic, especially in public, it makes me feel disgusted.

Wait, I think I slightly understand what I'm feeling. I do not like PDA, but she does it anyways. I don't like us doing PDA because I want our relationship to be secret and stuff, and I especially don't want anybody knowing that I'm gay, it honestly makes me feel grossed out when I'm out in the open like that. I told her this already, but she seemed sad when I told her, so I reassured her that I still wanted to hold her hand. Except, after I told her that, she held my hand again and I felt forced to do that instead of feeling like I wanted to. I don't know if you guys, (the person who is reading this) gets me, but I don't fucking get this either. Lowkey, I'm shitting all of my thoughts out all at once, so I don't know either. All I can say is that sometimes the relationship between me and my girlfriend feels forced and uncomfortable. I still love her though, I just don't understand why I feel that way towards her.

I just don't know. I feel severely uncomfortable at times, especially when she kisses me in public. In private, it's fine, but in the out and open where everybody can see us makes me feel almost disgusted in a way. I think I should be happy about this though?? The fact she is so willing to love somebody like me with no shame in public?? And she even bothers to see me like every day?? I should be happy but I just feel so.... Unsettled with the fact.

I think it's because I know people can see us do this, and I know not all people accept gay people. I think I just don't want to have my reputation ruined any more than I do, being a weird, lame, freakish loser and having 'gay' added onto there doesn't look any better. I don't want her reputation ruined either, I don't know why she's so unafraid of doing that in public, knowing how much homophobic people there are. Maybe I'm just selfish. I'm probably being mean. I probably won't bring this up with her because it's making her happy, so I'll go along with it.

#3)

Going to school without any painkillers after a while sucked so bad. I hated how emotional I felt during it all. I was so pissed off for no reason the entire time, absolutely frustrated. I don't even get what was up, and everything just felt so awkward. Jesus, remembering today is making me annoyed still. Everybody was just making me so agitated, even hearing somebody talk to me made me just want to scream and claw at my head until it's nothing more than the innards of my brain.

Nothing yet also everything happened today. Same routine, except every single of my senses were heightened ten-fold. Especially noise.

#4)

I'm tired. goodnight if you managed to read to the end. remember to like the post n follow me if u enjoy reading my thoughts. ur practically getting a full vision or a 75 percent headshot of what my daily thoughts are or yea h idk what im saying now god i just beed to sleep

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mitsuki91 · 7 months

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Hello can I ask why you ship Lily Luna Potter with Snape? I'm not hating or judging but it's just because I don't know the character (Lily Luna Potter) so I don't have anything to go off of to understand the dynamic the ship could have.

Thanks!

Hi! Don't worry, I know it is an unusual ship and I'm always happy to answer asks like this!

So... As far as I know the ship was born in the italian fandom. The first fanfiction that has it in it was not so understandable (lots of people at the platform 9 3/4 and we see glimpses of children so we know Severus was with Lily Luna and they have children but we know nothing about them) but make the ship explode and I found it the first time in another ff so well written... That is still in my favourite.

Now, Lily Luna is basically an OC, you can make her how you want, so there is not a rule for her and the ship dynamic change as your Lily Luna change! But there are some common ground in every Severus/Lily Luna stories (expecially when there is not time travel involved and only "Severus lived") that I think explain, at least to me, the beauty of this ship.

First of all the fact that she is the niece of Lily Evans. That means things in Severus head, even if I must say he never see her as a replacement of the first Lily (in fact I like Lily being more Weasley-looked and Potter-character - my own Lily Luna, of course. Others can be different) but of course he feels guilty and worry about what other will think about this... He is mad. With himself.

Second, the age gap. He feels like an old pervert. He hates that. It's a thing funny to explore, to me. He is such touch starved that he can't help himself (you must note that in every fic I read and wrote is Lily who does the first move and Severus has to be persuaded, winned over because he is a stubborn old bat and doesn't want to be the attracted to her. But he is. Oh, he is...) but sure he try to resist everything.

Third, Harry Potter! I like a lot the dynamic about Harry finding out and his reaction and Severus reaction and Lily who, in my mind, smile and enjoy the chaos (okay I admit again this is my Lily Luna, others can do other things and be worried about the mess).

... I suppose this is it? I mean. I also write time travel AU fic where Severus and Lily have the same age (or even where she is older, lol) and in that case I like to explore how Severus feelings and crush shifted between the two Lily... Harry may or may not be present (I wrote both "Lily Luna in the past" and "Severus in the future" type of fics) so this change, and in that case I suppose the most popular Severus reaction about Lily relatives (he has to discover it at some point) is "OMG how can I like someone related to James fucking Potter?!?!?!", expecially because as I said my Lily is unhinged and Potter-coded so Severus starts to see similarities in them and he is desperate.

Well, every scenarios has is beauty for them, to me.

So this is it! 🥰 I hope I explain it well! And then, for now I have only one fic in english on my ao3 (with the Severus live and age gap and of course the unhinged Lily) and you can check it, link is on my tumblr profile, but maybe in the future I will translate more (as I said I am writing both Lily in the past and Severus in the future type of fics). About other english stories I read... Only one story is valid, "absolution from my sins" by duchessas (very different Lily from mine) that is still on going but a gem👌(not to insult other english stories on ao3 but I found them more "p0rn without pl0t" type of fic... I mean you can be into this but I like their dynamic, I need plot). Every other stories I read are on EFP - the italian site for fanfiction - and in italian of course, but if you are curios the first beautiful story I read was "Una casa alla fine del mondo" by Dira_ On ao3 you can also find cyrillic stories but I know nothing about these because I don't read cyrillic, but it is fun to me to think the ship is popular in italian and in russian fandom 😂 And of course you will find some italian stories that was crossposted between EFP and ao3 (the last ones are all mine, the last time I checked :v).

Enjoy! Let me know if you want to know more about my Severus and Lily, ahah ☺️

#severus snape #lily luna potter #severus x lily luna #severus snape x lily luna potter #ship dynamics #snapedom

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darkfictionjude · 11 hours

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Etymology nonnie here!

I realized I had so much to say it was better to do different asks. Already the last one was very long. But most of it didn't focused on the new update (funnily enough, I had more to say about the previous one). I still have some things to say about the previous update, but I pretend to speak about the one you pushed yesterday. Also, apologies for not messaging yesterday. I had to go to classes when you released the update, so I only got to read it quite late. Today I probably wouldn't have been able to write you anything, but I found the time amongst the things I have to do.

About this new update. I loved how the interactions with the RO's went. Now, as you know, my MC (Indiana) is romancing Imre. And while I expected lust (and there is some), I think it has been very cute as of now. And evident. Since both Nia and Lorcan have showed some reaction to it.

Probably the most surprising thing for me was the phone call with Nia. The way I would love to have her POV of the scene. My MC calls so excited about the case, realizing that Sammy's murder doesn't fit the case profiling that they had been doing (not only due to gender, but also age). Like, we cannot go all Criminal Minds in this one, boys. At least, not yet. So, what would Nia think of this? MC, always so apathetic and seemingly uncaring about the world, so invested on a murder investigation? It's at once so suspicious and intriguing. Is this because of guilt? Out of murderous fascination with death? A weird, and probably ineffective attempt to clear his name? Nia's head must be full of theories.

But there is also the fact that MC seems to be so compatible and friendly with Imre. Like, I do suspect Nia told Imre to keep distant more to protect MC rather than because she actually believed they wouldn't get along. But I also believe she also thought the latter had some validity. So, it must be shocking that MC seems so excited and receptive to Imre (at least mine is, I know not all MC's are). Probably, a part of her is also worried about how everything is going to end.

There is also an attempt to reconnect with MC. But is a careful and, not exactly hesitant, yet not entirely trusting. Which makes sense, of course, from her perspective. Once again I would love to have her POV. Even though I'm romancing Imre, nowadays is her friendship with MC the relationship that intrigues me the most. It's in such a complicated and unique situation.

This always happens to me, but I just cannot wait for the next update. And this one released yesterday. I just had to mention it.

Then, there's Lorcan. He's so fun. So petty, so immature, so dumb. I love him. The more I see of him the more I'm convinced I have to do another playthrough where I romance him. Yet it comes with the trouble of designing a different MC than my Indiana, and that means I'm back at the name choosing crisis again. Alas, I'm not surprised.

Also, the case. The more we learn, the less my theories seem to hold in place. As of now, everything points to a supernatural entity, or multiple murderers, or a cult. Maybe all three. The trouble is that I don't know how to connect these with any of the other suspects I had. Of course, we also have very little information, so any theory is subject to be disproven or strengthened as we gather more data and clues.

Finally, there is some things I wanted to comment about the previous update, and the character creator. I still find funny you used golden beryl as a color choice. Even though I know what you meant, I still imagined my MC as a Simpson, given how yellow that color is. Yet, in the previous update, when MC is looking at himself in the mirror, you used another descriptor I think it's more accurate, by saying the skin tone is olive (now, olive has its own set of issues, as it can refer to both shade and undertone and mean different things, but that's English fault not yours, dear Jude).

I think I mentioned once I wanted to do an anti-Imre initially. Now, I must admit, my love for Imre has escaped the confines of this IF and flooded over others. As, all my MCs are heavily inspired by Imre's appearance. Including my dear Indiana Crown. I think there is one demo in which I even named my MC Imre (I think I told you once already I fancy him in part because his name fascinates me). So my Indiana has olive skin, brown hair, and blue (technically indigo, so it's a bit more purple than blue) eyes. Which reminds me the fact that a lot of people date others very similar to them. And, in the case of gay couples, sometimes they look like clones. Here is not so much the case since Indiana is lithe, I imagine him shorter than Imre, and has plenty of scars. Including at least two on his neck (both the nasty one from 1992, and the one from when he sliced it as a child with a knife).

There another thing I wanted to comment. About child MC being in beauty pageants. I don't know if I skimmed over that part before, or what was I thinking I didn't notice that. And it's so fascinating. Not only it shows how the Crowns, and Prudence specifically, care about appearances so much. As well as how abusive they can be. But also that MC was, at least back then, beautiful enough to participate in such things.

That said, I just have to know how those went. No matter how cute MC may have been… He has dead eyes. How creepy must he have looked! Perhaps MC was a bit like a doll back then. Beautiful, yet dead inside.

There is also the reinforcement of distance and the asymmetrical relationship between Prudence and MC, as well as her potential lack of love towards him. After all, most mothers wouldn't force their little kid to stop saying Mommy to say Mother instead. Like, there are mothers who get sad when their kids go from mommy to mom. So the fact that Prudence is deliberately creating such instance does give a good idea of how she doesn't want to he close to MC.

The Crown family is truly a mess, huh?

Ah I was waiting for more in-depth reactions to the update! I feel like no one has given me any thought on what they thought of the complete 180 the investigation gets because of Sammy (all I've gotten are what's the word to the question Imre asks 😭)

What I love about MC's relationship with Nia is that it is riveting both as a romance and friendship, sometimes I feel friendships are less worked on than romances in some IFs so I'm glad you like it

Also Lorcan is the group comedian I gathered and he wasn't even looking to be he's completely serious when he asks the poop ask 💀

Yeah so MC never won those pageants but they were always in second place and it had to do with their lack of charisma and talent on the stage, the dead eyes were another disadvantage. I imagine to look like a creepy porcelain doll

#lowkey flattered you used Imre's name for another character #etymology nonnie #his impact is amazing #impressions #Imre #Nia #Lorcan #episode 4 #part 2 #we wretched creatures

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