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the-archangel · 1 year

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Johnny's Home

I like writing for Johnny and don't do it often enough, I guess I just like being in Kerry and V's fluffy bubble!

Johnny is sat in V’s old apartment looking at the four walls, chain-smoking and going slowly batshit crazy.

At first, it suited him well; perfectly in fact, there was a bed, a shower and a couple of millionaire chooms to pull you out of the shit not 5 minutes walk away, as well as a nova strong-room that he thought he might turn into a sauna one day. It had plenty of floor space, preem views, V had even let him keep the cat.

Back in Samurai’s early days, when a dry, safe place to sleep wasn’t guaranteed, this would’ve been unimaginable luxury, but he’d known success since then, known what it was to have a door on your bedroom or a kitchen that was more than a microwave and a vending machine. He couldn’t cook for shit but that wasn’t the point, he’d like the chance to try, or at least to persuade other people to.

V had messaged to say he was coming over, he showed up a few times a week pretending he was checking on Nibbles, but Johnny knew it was really to check on him, make sure he was taking his meds, eating, doing his physio and shit. Johnny didn’t mind, ever since he’d been back he’d found himself craving V’s presence, it calmed him, filled an empty space, and V felt the same. For nearly a year he’d lived with Johnny in his head, then for another with a Johnny shaped void, now Johnny was actually here to talk to again, to argue with, to punch on occasion, it felt good, nova in fact, they made each other feel whole.

Kerry was not particularly comfortable with all of this. If you haven’t had a construct taking over your brain which then gets ripped out but later returns as a solid, real, annoying human being, you couldn’t possibly understand. V had tried to explain why he needed him around, but it just led to arguments, sulking (Kerry) and punching shit (V). Kerry had tried to tell him what a 5 star bastard Johnny could be, how selfish he was, how he used people, how it had taken him 50 years of therapy to get over him and how he had no intention of relapsing now. V understood, he really did, Kerry and Johnny had both told him the shitty things that went on between them, but Johnny was a part of V, there just wasn’t anything that he could do about that.

V let himself into the apartment and stepping carefully over the laundry, guitars, food containers and empty bottles lying on the floor, plonks himself down next to Johnny on the couch. “Place looks like shit.”

“Thanks, you look like shit.”

Banter over, Johnny rummages through a pile of detritus and finds a half-full bottle of tequila which they share in companionable silence.

“Wanna move V, the walls are closing in on me here, feels claustrophobic, like I can’t breathe.”

V dwells on this for a moment, “Well, what are you looking for? We can prolly help you out, have to talk to Ker though, don’t think he’d like it, but I can usually talk him around.”

“Don’t need your fucking charity V, in case you’ve forgotten I was a fucking rock star, gonna get me my royalties back and I’ll be fine.”

“Um, so, you going to hire a lawyer?”

Johnny snorts, “Shit no, corpo scopbags, gonna do it myself.”

V makes a mental note to put some eddies aside, what Kerry doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

“Make a list of what you’re looking for and I’ll swing by in a couple of days and help you look.”

Unusually for Johnny and V, this is actually quite a sensible idea, so after V leaves Johnny begins to write his list.

Later that evening, V is holding court at the Afterlife. He settled into his role as its king more easily than he liked to think and he enjoyed it, the only sour note was that he knew how blown away Jackie would’ve been by it all. V raised a drink to him nightly and had his picture behind the bar.

Kerry was coming over to keep him company, maybe grab a couple of drinks, V still got a thrill when he saw him, especially under the smoke-dimmed neon of the club which highlighted the blue of his eyes and glittered off the gold implants sweeping down his fucking beautiful cheekbones, and so he was feigning attention on what was going on around him and looking out for his input. V stands as Kerry arrives at the booth, the hangers-on around him know it’s time to leave, so Kerry has a choice of seats and chooses the one on V’s lap, pushing him back down onto the seat and planting a big, wet kiss on his forehead.

The regulars are used to Kerry and V’s antics and pay little or no attention, but the look of shock on new faces when a world famous rock star walks in and starts making out with the club’s young boss man always makes V smirk.

“Mmmm, I missed you today baby,” purrs Kerry into V’s ear, “Watcha been up to?”

“Oh you know, meetings, looking at a car, went to see Johnny.”

Kerry’s eyes darken and he sits back on V’s knee. He’s not in the mood for an argument, needs to keep V sweet for what he has planned for him later, so chooses the lesser of two evils to complain about.

“Another car? Shit V I thought you’d looked at selling some of em, not buying more.”

V looks down smiling to himself, his diversionary tactic had worked better than he imagined, “I know Ker, but a guy I was selling one to had one he thought I’d like. What can you do?” the ex-merc reasons, shrugging his shoulders and putting his hand high on his input’s thigh.

Kerry sighs, he loves the gonk and can tolerate his stupid car collection if he must. “OK fine, but from now on it’s one in – one out.” The wicked smirk tells V that this turn of phrase is not entirely innocent or coincidental.

A couple of days later, V is back at his old apartment, it takes him an age to make his way from the lift having to stop to chat with Coach Fred, Wilson and Barry on the way, he reckons that it’d be a shame if Johnny moved and he had no excuse to see his old friends, maybe he could sub-let he muses.

Johnny is lying on the bed reading a screamsheet and frowning, so V throws himself down next to him resting his chin on his shoulder, looking at what he’s reading.

“Would you look at that,” Johnny says, “Us Cracks have split up, musical differences. Shame, I liked them.”

“Wouldn’t’ve thought it was your sort of music.”

Johnny looked over his ever-present sunglasses at V, “Their music’s scop, teenybop shit with lyrics written by a six year old... but I liked the girls, they were hot.”

V should’ve known, that time he and Kerry met them at Riot Johnny was besotted, talked about how they were the future, but would look better with a bit of meat on their racks, he’s a class act.

“M-hm, Red called Kerry a few weeks ago, she wants to go in a more rock direction, the other girls are still into their dumb lazrpop, so she asked him if he’d work with her, do some writing, producing, whatever the shit it is that you musos do.”

Johnny appeared thoughtful...

V guessed what his friend was thinking, “No way Johnny, she’s done nothing to deserve an asshole like you drooling over her while she works, besides, Kerry would never allow it.”

Johnny raises an eyebrow, changes the subject and shows V the list he’s written.

1 – bed

2- shower

V turns to stare at Johnny, he knows the rocker is daring him to say something about it but can only see his own baffled reflection staring back from Johnny’s red lenses.

“What? I started and got bored.” Johnny shrugs by way of explanation.

Together, they spend the afternoon working on the list, V sticks it to the wall and they read it back in their heads with matching expressions, both scowling and moving their lips as they read. Johnny crosses his arms, takes a step back and nods in satisfaction, “Nova, that about covers it.”

V looks over smirking, “You know what you’ve done don’tcha? You’ve perfectly described Kerry’s old villa, the one you said was a Corpo’s wet dream, the one that you wouldn’t be seen dead in even though that’s exactly what you were doing at the time, the one......”

Johnny shut’s him down with a look, “Nah, I wanted a kitchen, that shit hole had a hot water tap and a coffee machine and for some fucking reason 64 cans of beef on the counter with no way of fucking cooking em.”

Turning to look at V’s grinning face, Johnny snaps, “What??”

“There was a kitchen, it was fucking A, it was in the cellar through that locked door. Kerry locked it after he set fire to it heating up some pizza when he was drunk so’s he’d never be tempted to go down there again. I fixed it up though, state-of-the-art cooker, pizza oven, marble worktops, kinda miss it...”

Johnny huffs and throws himself on the couch; V bounces down next to him, bringing the list.

Bedroom, separate from rest of living space

Shower, big enough for 2 or 3, variable height showerhead, good water pressure, added hot tub preferable.

Kitchen, basic, functional

Optional outside space, big enough to party

Inside space, big enough to party

Bar area

Space for guitars, recording equipment etc

V appears thoughtful, “I‘ve got a bit of a... what do you call it when you’ve got a few properties and rent them out?”

“Being a corpo scopbag? Being a dick?”

“Ha ha, no, begins with ‘P’”

“Being a prick then?”

“No...portfolio, that’s it I’ve got a bit of a property portfolio. You could look at some of those.”

Johnny looks incredulously at the ex-merc, wondering what magical fuckery had to take place in the universe for this gonk to not only own a fleet of (mostly) preem cars and be living in a penthouse with a rock star, but also have a fucking ‘portfolio’, whatever the fuck that was.

V could read his mind – almost literally,

“What? I worked hard, invested well...”

“Fucked a millionaire....”

“No actually, well yeah, but this is nothing to do with Ker, it’s all me.”

V logged into his old laptop and showed Johnny the pics and specs of his properties.

The one in Northside was pretty crappy and small, and besides, V used it when he was netrunning so that was out. Judy’s old apartment might have fit the bill, but V still hoped that she’d be coming back one day, so that’s off the list.

What about this one, large open living space, super-size shower, kitchen-dining area?

Johnny looks over the ex-merc’s shoulder with interest,

“Hmm, maybe. Where is it?”

V looks him in the eye,

“Corpo Plaza.”

V laughs hysterically at the look on Johnny’s face and can’t stop even when the other man punches him hard in the arm to make him shut up. Eventually V calms down enough to speak, but still can’t stop smirking,

“So that’s a ‘no’ then?”

“Fuck off.”

V didn’t keep secrets from Kerry, he maybe didn’t always tell him everything, but he certainly never lied, so when his mainline asks what he’s got planned for the day, V has to grudgingly admit,

“Told Johnny I’d help him find a new apartment, gonna take him over to The Glen, see what he thinks.”

V braces himself...

“No,” Kerry says quietly.

“The fuck Ker?”

“No,” he repeats, “ Johnny was a tumour in my brain way before he wormed his way into yours. He takes what he wants and leaves the empty shell behind, I should know. I’m not gonna let him fuck you up any more than he already has V. You’re not fucking going, I need you here today.”

V is momentarily silenced. He knows that Kerry has issues with Johnny, but up until now he figured that they’d eventually work it out and they’d all rub along together alright. Add to this to the fact that Kerry putting his foot down was pretty damn hot and V is left torn.

“But Ker, I promised...”

“Don’t give a shit V, not gonna stand back and watch him do to you what he did to me.”

V wraps his arms around his lover’s shoulders pulling him in tightly and sighs as Kerry’s arms slip around his waist. If he had to choose one of them it would always be Kerry and much as Johnny is a part of him, this is where he belongs right now. He fires off a message making his excuses and pulls Kerry down onto the couch...

Johnny reads the message and curses under his breath, not because he can’t see the apartment, but more because he was pretty sure that Kerry would’ve stopped being a dick by now and at least have tried to have a conversation with him.

Why would the guy cough up half his fortune to bring him back from the dead and then ignore him, didn’t make sense.

V had flicked him the coords and the code for the Glen apartment anyway, might as well swing by and take a look.

Begrudgingly, V had let him have his Porsche back, so Johnny hops inside and takes a moment to wistfully run his hands over the steering wheel before setting off for Heywood. It’s not a long trip, definitely not long enough for the four-figure bounty Johnny racks up with his erratic driving, but what the hell, the car’s still in V’s name after all.

As soon as he sees the outside of the building, Johnny suspects that this might not be for him, a fact confirmed by the snooty concierge and catalogue-fresh decor of the lobby, but stepping into the main living space he’s pleasantly surprised and when he spots the pool table he’s pretty much sold.

He’ll give it a couple a days to see how it vibes with him.

It turned out that Kerry was right when he said that he needed V with him today, but not in a way either of them expected.

After a lazy lunch, Kerry had appointments to keep, a meeting with the corpos at his label followed by a rare personal appearance at Riot later on. Being on his short leash for the day made V the designated driver, he didn’t mind, he felt grounded driving the streets of the city, like he and it belonged to each other.

V stayed in the car while Kerry met with his staff at the label, he’d tried going to one of these meetings once before and Kerry still tells people about how he had to poke him in the leg with a pen to stop him snoring. He plays with the radio to bide the time, smiling when ‘Black Dog’ begins to play.

V: Hey, the radio’s playing your song.

Johnny: Only another 54,999 plays and I’ll be able to afford this apartment.

V: How you liking it?

J: It’s fine, apart from the corpo dick in reception. Gonna hang here for a couple of days, see how it fits.

Kerry comes stalking towards his Aerondight, the one V saves for when he’s got something to make up for, and throws himself into the passenger seat glowering towards the MSM building. V doesn’t ask, Kerry’s meetings always end like this and he’ll tell him about it at great length later.

“Riot then?”

“Mhm”

The car into the docking area under the club, much as he loves this city there’s no way he’s leaving this beauty out on the streets, and he and Kerry make their way to the dressing room. V lights a cigarette and passes it to his input, then pours a drink that he also passes over. Kerry, sat gazing into the starkly lit mirror, grabs his arm, “Thank you babe.”

V isn’t sure if he means for the drink, the cig or some general, expansive thing, either way his answer would be the same,

“No problem Ker.”

They pass the hour or so until Kerry’s appearance laughing about the first time they’d been in this room together, intimidating the now sadly disbanded Us Cracks girls. V cheerfully admits that he was already madly in love with the rockerboy at this point, while Kerry would only go so far as to say that he found the bratty young merc intriguing and insanely hot, V was more than happy with that.

“What’s the crowd like?” asks Kerry, confident in V’s ability to hack all and every device within a 5 mile radius.

His newly upgraded Kiroshis flip him through every camera in the place, “Pretty packed out, anyone would think someone important was coming.”

The rocker narrows his eyes and twists V’s nipple hard, then pecks him on the cheek, that remark will not go unpunished later he suspects.

At the appointed hour, V guides his man around to the backstage area and sets himself up at the back of the crowd to keep an eye on things. The crowd are giddy, but good natured. They sing along with a soulful acoustic version of ‘Chippin In’, they laugh in all the right places at Kerry’s hastily written speech and queue up dutifully to ask their questions. Most of them had spent a small fortune to be here and weren’t going to waste it by making trouble, some of the others had won the right to be there and were making the most of their good fortune, but there’s always somebody who has to spoil it.

V sensed something was amiss before he saw it. Years of merc work had attuned him to noticing things that others would miss, and what he noticed right now was a space in an otherwise crowded room, and the space was moving towards the stage, towards Kerry.

The ex-merc feels for Archangel in his holster and makes his way along the wall down to the stage, keeping in line with the disturbance in the crowd. Flashing his optics he can make out some sort of cloaking software surrounding the hazy shape of a well-built man, a well-built man aiming a gun at the best thing in V’s life.

Acting on pure instinct he leaps onto the stage knocking Kerry onto the ground and covering him with his own body, the men hit the ground as three shots ring out, the room falls silent before erupting in panic and screams.

V quickly checks that Kerry is unharmed and leaps into the panicking crowd to give chase, Kerry can only watch as the crowd closes behind his mainline’s back and the venue’s security finally show up to lead him to safety.

The chase takes V through to the back of the club and into the alley beyond where he tackles the man to the ground. Now he can see him up close the crazed look of early cyberpsychosis is clear, but he’s is pretty unforgiving when it comes to someone trying to flatline his mainline and takes an unseemly amount of pleasure in frying his synapses and finishing the job with a shot to the head.

Kerry sits fidgeting in the dressing room, “Shit V, c’mon, where are you?” he whispers under his breath. A commotion outside captures his attention, his initial panic turns to relief, hearing his partner’s raised voice as he tears a strip off the club’s security guards. The rocker opens the door to watch V in action, it turns him on no end to see his man sticking up for him, but on actually setting eyes on his mainline he feels only alarm as he watches the blood dripping from the fingers of his left hand and pooling at his feet.

V turns towards him and flashes a bright smile, before collapsing onto the floor.

Several hours later, Kerry is sharing a bottle of bourbon with Vik while V sleeps it off on the operating table. His sub-dermal armour had absorbed the worst of it, and his pain suppressors had stopped him from passing out initially but the blood loss combined with the adrenaline spike had nearly finished him off. He’d live but he was going to be pretty sore when he came around.

It was nearly three days later when he finally woke up, Kerry had been snoozing on and off on an old office chair by the side of V’s bed so the first thing V sees on waking is world famous rock superstar Kerry Eurodyne greasy-haired, snoring and drooling onto his three day old clothes.

“Hey Ker,” he croaks through parched lips, “you OK?”

Kerry’s eyes snap open and he grabs for V’s hand, shouting for Vik at the same time.

“I’m fine, thanks to you. You had us worried for a while there, how you feelin?” he asks softly.

V ponders this for a moment, everything seems to be working, but bits of him feel like they’re on fire.

“I’ve been worse.”

Vik shows him the bullets he dug out of his arm, neck and chest before putting them in the jar with all the others.

“Good to have you back son. You don’t need me to tell you that you lucked out again, but one day that luck’s gonna run out.”

“I know Vik, but if it hadn’t’ve been me it would’ve been Kerry and ...”

V realised that he couldn’t finish the sentence, just the thought of what could have been was enough to choke him.

Vik pats his shoulder, “Take two of these twice a day you’re good to go.”

On the taxi journey home the two lovers are unusually quiet, both lost in thought. V still pondering what might have been and Kerry, for the four hundredth or so time marvelling that V literally nearly just died for him.

Reaching the villa, Kerry helps V shower and change and then cleans himself up before they both fall into the bed, not emerging until late the next day.

Meanwhile...

Johnny is pissed, V’s ignoring his calls and he needs to offload onto him, selfish gonk.

Since his return, they hadn’t been apart for more than a couple of days, at first they’d make up excuses to see each other, but soon they just accepted that they wanted to spend time together, so they did. Not having seen V for days was making him irritable, making his skin itch. It was probably Kerry he’d decided. The crotchety old sourpuss had put his foot down and was keeping him to himself.

Shit, he was going to have to call him.

The call went straight to voicemail – of course it fucking did – and Johnny realised he had no idea what he was going to say and hung up. Pissing Kerry off would make it worse, and since even talking to Johnny seemed to piss him off he needed to figure out what to do.

As it turned out, he didn’t need to worry; Kerry called him later that evening.

“V asked me to call, wants to know what’s with all the messages?”

This pretty much confirms Johnny’s suspicions about V’s radio silence, but he wants to see his friend so plays nice.

“Needed to talk to him about the apartment, been a bit of a sich.”

Kerry sighs, “Well, we’ve had a kinda sich ourselves as it goes, only just got back from Vik’s...”

“Wait, is he OK? What kind of a sich? Kerry talk to me...”

“Calm down he’ll be fine, gonna rest up some then he wants you to come over, about this time tomorrow?”

“He wants me to come over? What do you want?”

Silence stretching on so long Johnny thinks Kerry has gone, “I want...V to be happy, you make him happy for some fucking unfathomable reason. See you tomorrow.”

Johnny is both worried and elated, Kerry said V was fine, he wouldn’t lie about that, but what had happened to keep him AWOL for three fucking days? At least he would be finally able to see him tomorrow, make sure he’s OK, see if there’s anything he needs... Johnny catches himself thinking about V’s well-being above his own pressing need to offload his problem on his ass, ‘Shit, I’m turning into as much of a princess as Kerry.’

Johnny had enjoyed his first afternoon in the apartment, the bar was well stocked and as well as the pool table to keep him occupied there was a massive screen TV. It had never really been his thing, but V and Kerry loved to watch ‘Big Little Corporats’ and it kinda stuck, so he spent the afternoon eating snacks in front of the TV and drinking V’s top-shelf tequila. He could actually see himself being happy here.

As darkness fell, Johnny had become restless. Rattling around the huge space with no direction and no V getting on his nerves was making him antsy, Christ only knows how Kerry stayed in that stupid, enormous villa by himself all those years without going..., hmmm....Johnny decides not to pursue that train of thought and to maybe go into town for a couple of hours.

Six hours later, at about the same time Kerry and Vik are sharing a drink, Johnny leads a merry group of bar-rats through the reception area and up to the apartment. Johnny mans the bar and lays on some preem tunes while his new choombas make themselves at home. The party goes on until sun is beginning to peek through the tinted windows and Johnny kicks the boot of the last, snoring guest telling him to delta. Overall it had been a nova night, nothing that couldn’t be fixed had happened to the apartment and, other than pretty much all V’s booze, everything seemed to be still here. Johnny laid down on the bed and drifted contentedly to sleep.

An annoying buzzing woke him up, he tried to block it out with the pillow, but it was very insistent so he figured he’d better investigate. It turned out to be the door, Johnny opened it and leaned on the doorframe with his arms folded whilst the concierge told him, in no uncertain terms, that he had to vacate the property.

“Choom, unbunch your panties, it was just a party. Or are parties not allowed in your precious building?”

The irate concierge conceded that, yes parties were indeed allowed, but amongst the things that are not allowed are sleeping in the corridors, defecating in communal plant pots, causing an unprecedented 27 noise complaints and copulation in the lobby. Johnny tried to explain that only one of those things was actually his fault, but it was too late, back to the old apartment it is then.

One of the benefits of V’s old place is that Johnny could get to his friend’s condo in no time, so he shrugs on his jacket, makes his way down in the lift and walks around the corner to their building. Other than last night’s call, he hadn’t spoken to Kerry since he’d left V’s head, hadn’t tried to, not worth the earache, and he’s not really looking forward to having to do it tonight, but if this is the only way to see V then it’s worth it. He presses the buzzer to the penthouse and is answered with a terse, “Come up,” as the elevator door pings open.

Johnny sees V lying on the couch and makes a beeline for him. Although the ex-merc is well-rested and feeling pretty chipper, Johnny can see bandages poking out from under his shirt and the ghost of dark rings under his eyes. It occurs to Johnny that he may have been a bit harsh in his previous assessment of the situation.

“Shit V, what the fuck happened?”

Kerry had diplomatically taken himself to the bedroom to give them time to talk. He picked up his acoustic guitar and began to play, picking out melodies and letting themes twist together. Below, V finds the distant noise soothing as he tells Johnny the story of what happened, the reanimated Rockerboy just finds it distracting. Once, a lifetime ago, he’d be up there with him, working on new songs, telling dumb jokes and drinking tequila instead of down here wondering what he’d done (lately) to piss him off so much.

V gets to the end of his tale, time for Johnny to confess...

“Decided the apartment wasn’t for me, fucking concierge had a stick up his ass, guess my face didn’t fit.”

V studies Johnny’s face for a moment, he knows he’s not telling the whole truth – mostly because the building supervisor sent him a message telling him what really happened – but he’s satisfied to see that the other man is unable to look him in the eye and is biting his lip guiltily and so doesn’t push for a full confession.

“Well, there’s still the apartment in Japantown, I think you’d like it. Give me a couple of days and I’ll drive you over there.”

Over the last few days as he waited for V to come around, Kerry’d had nothing but time to think. His first thoughts had been all about not being able to believe that V risked his life to save his own – he knew the gonk loved him and it’s one thing to say you’d take a bullet for your lover, but he actually went and did it. Kerry was pretty sure no-one had ever loved him enough to die for him before and it was an overwhelming feeling to know that now somebody did, especially when he realises that he feels exactly the same.

He went on to consider V’s and Johnny’s relationship. Kerry really was trying to save V from the inevitable heartache that Johnny dragged in his wake, but he was also stopping him from seeing someone he wanted to be with. He had experienced enough manipulation in his life to know how unhealthy that was for relationships and decided that he’d have to let his naive mainline find out for himself how Johnny could be, and just be there for him to pick up the pieces afterwards.

Right now though, Kerry had no intention of letting V out of his sight, so overhearing the plans for a trip to Japantown he decides he’ll tag along.

V isn’t a bit surprised the next day when Kerry announces he’s coming with them. He’s not left his side since the shooting and he doesn’t mind one bit. Looking over at his gorgeous Rockerboy as he makes coffee and chats about last night’s episode of Watson Whore that they watched whilst snuggled on the couch eating popcorn, V’s chest actually hurts at the thought that he could have lost him, that if he hadn’t have been there he’d be reading about his murder in the screamsheets and planning his mainline’s funeral instead of drinking his coffee and hearing his laugh.

Right now he’ll happily spend every second of the day with him, you never know when another psycho will show up and Kerry will need him.

“We’re down in the garage. Taking the Mackinaw, meet you downstairs.”

Johnny hopes that V is using the ‘Royal we’ in that sentence. He was planning on taking him to the market for some quality time and noodles, not on sitting in an awkward silence watching Kerry glare at him from over his shades. His hopes are dashed however, approaching the truck Kerry is clearly in the passenger seat, glaring at him through the off-side mirror. V leans out of the window pointing over his shoulder to the rear door,

“Hey Johnny, you get the whole back seat to yourself how about that?”

He murmurs something that could’ve been ‘thanks’, or just as easily been ‘fuck off’.

V could feel the tension in the truck, no one had said a word since Johnny got in, Kerry was looking out of the side window with his hand on V’s leg, Johnny was lying down on the back seat out of his view, but he knew he’d be tapping on his chest and grumbling to himself. Actually it reminded him of the old days, Kerry by his side and a complaining, invisible back-from-the-dead rocker in the back of the car. He turns the radio on, then immediately regrets it. He keeps it tuned to Body Heat when it’s just him so’s he can bounce along to the mindless pop it dishes out, the track that is just firing up makes the back seat passenger sit bolt upright and V sees Kerry wince out of the corner of his eye.

Off the Leash, Kerry’s collab with the Us Cracks girls had passed Johnny by till now, when V was at Riot all those years ago watching it be unveiled he’d left his head terrorist in the car, having taken one of Vik’s pills in the hope of pulling a rock star, and by the time it was a huge hit, he was dead for the second time, so it’s with raised eyebrows and a shit-eating grin that he listens to the guitar riff that he would bet the farm on being a Eurodyne special.

V narrows his eyes and looks at him through the rear-view mirror willing him not to say anything but knowing that there’s no way on earth that he won’t.

“Well, this is a fun little ditty.”

Kerry had loathed the song by halfway through the promotional tour for it, everything about it grated on him, couldn’t even remember now why he thought it had been a good idea. At the time he thought he was showing the label that he couldn’t be pushed around, now he owns his own label he realises that all he did was make them a shit-ton of cash.

“It helped pay for you to be here making fucking snide remarks in the back of my mainline’s car instead of being in his head killing him, so on balance maybe it’s not so bad, eh Johnny?”

With both passengers now silently sulking, V pulls up outside the Westbrook apartment.

V flicks Johnny the entry code,

“Go on up, have a look around. We’ll be there in a couple of minutes; me and Kerry just need to have a word.”

“Whatever, sure,” the rocker replies and makes towards the building.

V looks over at his partner calmly and waits,

“What?!” Kerry shrugs.

“Play nice Ker, it was your idea to come. If he’s getting to you that much maybe you should wait here till we get back.”

Ironically, given his profession, V was more of a lover than a fighter in his private life and didn’t see the point of antagonising people for no reason – of course Johnny would have said that antagonising them was a reason in itself, but still...

It was V’s turn to receive one of Kerry’s ice-cold glares,

“I didn’t come all this way to stare at the outside of an ugly apartment building; I can do that from the condo. Fine, I’ll try and be nice, for you though, not for that fucker.”

V smiles and gives Kerry a soft kiss,

“Thanks Ker, y’know if you two got along my life would be a helluva lot simpler.”

“Yeah well, baby steps. Let’s just get this afternoon over with first.”

They enter the apartment hand in hand; Johnny is nowhere to be seen, but the tell-tale strumming of V’s acoustic guitar leads them into the bedroom. V goes and sits on the bed next to his friend, crossing his legs and lying back into the pillows, Kerry watches from the doorway for a while then disappears into the other room, Johnny watches him go with a frown.

V closes his eyes listening to the newly formed melody, a repeating phrase that would stay with you for days the first time you hear it, at the edge of his hearing the muffled chords of an unplugged electric guitar join in and compliment the tune. Smiling, he leans forward to peer into the other room, the rocker has his eyes closed and is concentrating on following the tune, the guitar resting on his knee bounces gently as he taps his foot.

V nudges Johnny who looks up and meets Kerry’s eye, for a moment they carry on playing, but Kerry shakes his head, smiling sadly and carefully places the guitar back on the stand before wandering over to make a cup of coffee. Johnny feels a hand squeeze his shoulder and V disappears into the living room leaving him to his strumming.

V slips his hands around Kerry’s waist and kisses him on the back of the neck,

“That sounded nova, you should play together more often.”

“Nah, those days have been and gone, ‘sides,” he grins, “we’d prolly end up killing each other before the end of the first song.”

Johnny is pretty taken with the apartment, it seems cosy without being tiny, has a basic kitchen area, big shower, a room full of big guns that V won’t give him the code to, enough of Japantown’s finest kitsch to sink a yacht and importantly, they don’t give a shit what you get up to in the lobby. V makes him promise not to do anything stupid and says he’ll be back in a couple of days to see how he’s getting along.

Kerry looks like he needs cheering up, V suggests leaving the truck behind, getting some food and maybe hitting a bar, so grabbing the Rockerboy’s jacket and shades from the passenger seat they head into town.

Cherry Blossom Market is pretty quiet at this time of day, ideal conditions for a world-famous rockstar and his locally renowned ex-merc partner to have a bit of fun. They head to the noodle bar in what used to be the Rainbow Cadenza, V sits enraptured whilst Kerry tells tales of rock, roll and drunken debauchery, sanitized slightly so’s not to send his input running screaming back to Mama Welles.

“I hadn’t thought about this place in years,” says Kerry wistfully, “the club was way before your time babe, how did you find out about it?”

V explains the mission that Johnny had sent him on that introduced him to the store and its surly owner, and also to Karim, the vendor down the way who sells old bootlegs and claims to be Samurai’s biggest fan. Kerry ponders this new information,

“Cool, I love meeting fans from the old days,” V looks at his partner with narrowed eyes, Kerry hates talking about his time in Samurai with a passion, so what’s he playing at?

“Let’s go fuck with him.”

Yeah, that makes more sense.

Kerry shrugs on his (well V’s) oversized jacket, zips it up to his neck, pulls the hood over his head and hides his distinctive eyes behind his shades. V doesn’t think the disguise would fool a blind bat in a blackout, but Kerry’s been getting away with it for decades so what does he know? He explained to him once that it doesn’t always work in bars or nice restaurants cuz that’s where people expect to see him, but no one expects him to be in dive bars and grocery stores, so it’s nova in those places, or in seedy markets it turns out.

The pair make their way toward the tatty memorabilia stall, V is pretty sure they’re not going to get away with this, but Kerry’s enjoying himself so, whatever. V flicks through the disks while the rocker stands with his hands in his pockets – hiding his rings – looking moodily at the merchandise under the glass counter.

“I know you...” Kerry tenses, V looks up from the box of records occupying his attention, “You bought a bootleg a while back, a big fan if I remember right.”

“Yeah, preem listening, but I played it to my friend here and he didn’t much like it.”

Karim looks over at V’s friend and studies him closely; closely enough that V is getting nervous that they’ve been found out and it’ll cause a riot,

“Well choom,” he addresses Kerry, “it’s a pity you’re too young to have seen them in their heyday,” V has to turn away to stifle a laugh, “they rocked like nobody else. Those songs of Silverhand’s spoke to the audience, spoke to a whole generation.”

Whatever points Karim had gained by saying Kerry was too young, he’d definitely lost again now.

“Silverhand was an out of control narcissist with the subtlety of a brick to the head,” Kerry informs the vendor with an increasingly strained light tone, “I’ve heard the real talent was the other one, the cute one,” V raises his eyebrows, unbelieving that his partner is really going there, “though I prefer his solo stuff.”

“Kerry Eurodyne? Yeah, he’s talented alright, puts on a good show, but he’s never been able to match Silverhand’s passion, or his charisma.”

V slides closer to Kerry, maybe he can quietly drag him away before he creates a scene..?

As Kerry slams his hands onto the counter the clatter of his rings could be heard all round the market, he looks at the stallholder over the top of his glasses, clicking his fingers at V and pointing at the box he was just perusing.

“A passionate, charismatic asshole is still an asshole,” he growls snatching a pen off the counter and scrawling on the front of the copy of Second Conflict that V had mutely passed over to him.

Karim watches Kerry’s back as he stalks away pursued by the younger man who grabs his hand. He wasn’t sure he believed his eyes till he looked at the front of the LP that the guy had thrown at him as he left, “Fuck off Karim, Love Kerry Eurodyne x.”

V catches up with his mainline, “Sorry Ker, didn’t think he’d be such a dick,” but as he looks at his face he sees that the other man is actually smiling to himself.

“It’s all good V, I’ve left a lasting impression and he’s got a story to tell. That vinyl’s worth a mint now too, prolly more than he makes in a month, so who’s he gonna be talking about from now on, Kerry Eurodyne or Johnny asshat Silverhand?”

V throws an arm around his man’s shoulders; he’ll never stop being surprised by him.

“Let’s go find a drink,” he suggests.

Johnny spent a couple of hours fooling around on the guitars, might even have the beginnings of something good going on, he’d gotten himself some food, played a few rounds of Roach Race and was now relaxing on the couch. He’d always liked Japantown, right from the early days of the band playing at the Rainbow it was a chilled place to hang and explore, score, drink and watch the world go by, he even had a favourite spot, sitting on the wall at the end of Jig Jig Street, so he decided to look over the old town.

The place hadn’t changed much in the last 50 years, the stalls were different sure, but the actual market was much the same, so Johnny finds himself following his old routes to see if they still lead to some preem bars.

The first couple were deader than even he’d ever been, but up ahead, at the edge of the market, there’s one that seems to have something going on. Getting closer it seems there’s a band playing, and not half bad by the sound of it so Johnny decides to investigate.

Passing the grimy window he notices Kerry inside sat in a dimly lit corner booth smiling and tapping on the table to the beat, V appears with drinks, puts them on the table and slides into the booth where he whispers something into the other man’s ear causing them both to laugh, then V sits and lets Kerry cross his legs over his lap. Something about the scene makes Johnny vaguely sad, he doesn’t really want to analyse why, he does, however now want to get roaring drunk, so he heads into the bar.

V sees him first, giving a shrill, two-fingered whistle that attracts the attention of most of the bar, he waves Johnny over, left without much choice he makes his way to their booth.

“You shoulda said you were coming out, we could’ve met you somewhere.” V chirps happily. Johnny looks over to Kerry hiding behind his bourbon and his shades.

“Yeah well, I’m not staying long. Just looking around the old place.”

Johnny perches on a stool at the edge of their table answering V’s inquisition about what he thinks of the apartment and avoiding Kerry’s silent glare.

It seems to Johnny, that Kerry has spent a good portion of around seventy of the last ninety years being pissed with him about something or other. Being stuck in V’s head – which is one of the things Kerry was pissed about - had made him realise that some (most) of the time he might have deserved it. He’d been a complete bastard to pretty much everybody he’d met at some point, but no-one more than Kerry, the man who was supposed to be his best friend. He didn’t exactly feel guilty about it, that not being one of his limited range of emotions, but it did explain some of Kerry’s reluctance to have anything to do with him.

V goes back to the bar and Johnny decides he’s got to say something,

“Ker, talk to me. I know we’ve had our problems but you need to lighten up. If the kid wasn’t so well-balanced this’d be tearing him apart. We don’t have to be best chooms, but we can be civil, for his sake if not ours.”

“It’s for his sake that I haven’t shot you in the fucking head, and that I didn’t unplug you when you were in that research facility,” hisses Kerry.

“So why’d you help to bring me back if you want me dead? You had what you wanted, then paid big eddies to get something that pissed you off. Even for you that’s gonk.”

Kerry sits back in his seat and closes his eyes, why isn’t he surprised that the first proper conversation they’ve had is already turning into an argument? It’s not like he hasn’t wondered himself a hundred times why he brought Johnny back, he told himself that it was for V, cuz he wanted it so badly, he’d been so sick and it was something that Kerry could do for him to make him feel better, but that wasn’t the whole truth.

He takes off his sunglasses and looks at Johnny with the bright blue eyes that the other man will never get used to.

“I tried to fucking save you the first time, back in the day, I tried so damn hard but you just wouldn’t let me. One way or another you were going to kill yourself and I could either watch or walk away...” Johnny just nods, it’s all true, “but I got the chance to save you again, I mean fuck, who gets that? Whether you wanted me to or not, you couldn’t stop me, so I did it. I don’t need you in my life anymore, I don’t see us ever being friends again, but I guess I don’t want you dead either.”

V tried really hard not to eavesdrop from the bar, but when he saw the two Rockerboys finally talking it was almost by accident that he tuned everything else out and picked up their conversation. He knew how Kerry felt, they’d talked about it often enough, he was disappointed that he was determined to keep his distance from Johnny, but pleased that they’d finally cleared the air, maybe it could be a stepping stone to something else down the line.

Johnny stayed just long enough to finish the drink he’d been brought, then disappeared into the now chaotic market leaving the lovers to their annoying moon-eyes and hand-holding.

It takes two days before Johnny is back in Watson, and another call from a building supervisor to alert V to the fact.

V: What did you do this time??!!!

Johnny: About what?

V: You know what

J: ......

J: It caught fire a bit

V: How the fuck does an apartment catch fire A BIT?????

V: Kerry’s on some calls upstairs, come over and explain yourself Silverhand

J: Ugh fine, gimme five

It wasn’t his fault, who fills an apartment with fucking incense and candles and then gives it to someone as irresponsible as him? In fact V should count himself lucky it was only the bedroom that was a right off, the smoke damage to the rest of the apartment would probably clean up just fine.

“I rescued the guitars,” offers Johnny after relating his tale to V,

“Well thank fuck for that, you nearly burnt an apartment block to the ground but you rescued a couple of crappy guitars.”

“Well, look at Mr Portfolio with his giant condo and shitty attitude...”

Even though they are sat by the pool outside, Kerry can hear the commotion from his upstairs office and comes to investigate. He watches them from the door for a moment, virtually spitting venom into each other’s faces, but still sat shoulder to shoulder with their fingertips touching. An almost sickening wave of déjà vu hits him, fifty some years ago this was him and Johnny, constantly at each other’s throats but each drawn to the other, the difference is, V has Kerry in his corner.

“What’s the sonofabitch done now?”

V spins around to face Kerry, nearly pushing Johnny into the pool as he stands up and strides towards his mainline.

“He set fire to my fucking apartment Ker,” V rumbles, “and he’s not even fucking sorry!”

V is as mad as Kerry has ever seen him, the older man soothes him with gentle rubs to his arms and back and with strokes to his hair as he nestles his head in the rocker’s neck. Kerry tells him to go inside and waits until he disappears before joining Johnny by the side of the pool and sitting beside him.

“You’ll lose him y’know if you carry on taking advantage and acting like a dick.”

Johnny carries on scowling at the water, “It’ll get so that even though he can’t bear to be away from you, he won’t be able to stand being in the same room, so he’ll just stop trying. Years down the line he’ll be messed up and wondering what he could have done to change things.”

Taking his glasses off, Johnny looks over at Kerry with something approaching concern,

“I don’t want that, I like having him around.”

“I know you do, and he wants to be around you too for now, but as you pointed out, he’s a well-balanced guy, not some twenty year old stoner with a crush. He won’t put up with your shit for long no matter how much he loves you.” Johnny raises an eyebrow at the L word, “Platonically of course,” laughs Kerry after seeing the look on Johnny’s face, “I mean, he’s got me filling his every thought and need, and making his world that much more dazzling, and besides, I’ll shoot you in the face if you touch him.”

Johnny smiles wryly, “Thanks Ker, I get it, I’ll try.”

“I know you will, now fuck off for a couple of days and let him calm down, I’m sure he’ll call ya.”

Kerry finds V lying on the bed, legs crossed arms behind his head, frowning at the ceiling, he sits beside him and scoots over allowing the other man to rest his head in his lap.

“You were right Ker, he’s such a dick!”

Stroking his hair and humming softly, Kerry sighs,

“Yeah well, give him a while. Maybe he’ll change...”

#kerry is my muse #kerry eurodyne x male v #cyberpunk kerry #kerry eurodyne #kerry x v #kerry x male v #cyberpunk v #v cyberpunk #cyberpunk 2077 #johnny silverhand #johnny and V as friends

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quincytatas · 1 year

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heavy vent tw

Tw for mild unreality , emotional abuse , Physical abuse , ED , Alcoholism , self harm , suicidal ideation

idk what else - ask to tag.

I wanted to keep things short but Idk theres just so much thats happening thats so overwhelming to me and I don't know if theres any chance I can just keep taking this shit without having a full fledged mental episode.

I feel overwhelmed by all of my attachments to people so I feel scared and like I just have to hide instead of facing others. I feel like everything is artificial even if its not. Everything just feels so fake from friends to family to coworkers.

I don't want to feel like this I want to genuinely feel the emotional attachment that should be there but its just not. I don't feel sad about anything.

Another thing is how much I really know I need to work the extra hours at my job and I wouldn't mind if I didn't feel so overwhelmed with customer interaction.

I think a majority of my problems lies within my social battery but I hate it because I hate being alone I just wanna be able to sit with someone and just not talk or do anything.

I can't constantly be taking every hit from my family constantly hearing about how my mom shouldn't have had me in the most non malicious way possible. It makes me so much more angry to hear it so casually than with words of anger.

I hate constantly having to be the shoulder for my grandmother because she refuses therapy. But I can admit we're one in the same there. I've refused therapy for so long because I'm scared of it.

Everything is exhausting all I want to do is sleep and drink and smoke. I just want to do things that are bad for me because I know it'll hurt me in the long run.

I've been thinking about hurting myself again. The last time I had a relapse was in January just after new years but I know I really want to do it again. It's such a bad urge in my mind at the moment that I couldn't even make my breakfast without wanting to use the knife on myself.

Another thing, all food tastes disgusting to me again. I know I'm gonna end up relapsing back into my ed once again.

I feel the constant urge to drink until I throw my food up or to force myself to vomit with my fingers. I've been trying so hard not to do that but frankly I don't want to eat at all anyways. I eat because I have to not because I want to. It makes my life feel so out of control. I had this shit under control last year but I don't even know what happened.

It doesn't help that my grandma constantly talks about weight and weight loss and tries to order 100s and 100s of dollars worth of diet supplements she sees on facebook.

I'm literally so tired. Its like life is constantly beating down on me and I just feel like I can never have something nice. I'm constantly berated and pushed to my limits and frankly I don't think I can take much more.

i just find myself more sensitive to things than I want to be and yet at the same time I feel numb to emotions more than usual.

Bonus points is that I'm hallucinating a lot more again recently. Constantly seeing bugs and shadows throughout the day. It doesn't bother much but its still an indicator of how bad my mental health is at this point of time in my life.

I have a lot of problems with my birth mother trying to be in my life and my grandma trying to force me to care about her. She lost me since I was a child because she always found drugs and men are more important than her own child. But now she wants to be in my life and she wants to bring her physically abusive husband in my life when he's choked her and beat her on numerous occasions, recently punching her in the face 5 times.

I don't need that around me. And she refuses to leave him so why should I keep her around. She's ultimately ruined my life time and time and time again. I can't put up with her.

I'm so fucking sick of being constantly gaslit and manipulated and guilt tripped by my family.

I can't take care of everyone.

Yea idk what else to say atm. If it wasn't for this concert i'd probably just attempt again.

#neg /

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verdantelephantechos · 2 months

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When I’m within my thoughts, I like to ponder the reason why it is I drink. There was a point in my life, where it was purely for enjoyment. That was 16-19. When I was 19, I was in my second semester of college. At the time, I quit smoking pot because someone close to me was and I wanted to do it with them in solidarity. Slowly though, I started drinking to fill that void. It went from fun to self-medication in order to avoid my stress and insecurities that arose from my life. It slowly became worse overtime. It got to the point where I’d be drunk anytime I was awake. That started definitely when I turned 21 and got limitless access to liquor. It started with drinking the whole weekend, then week nights were added into the routine, and before you knew it, I was waking up, and taking a few shots. I’m not at that point anymore. Now it’s just a cycle of sobriety and relapse. I can only imagine how others perceive me. I know Im neurodivergent, awkward, and a generally sad individual, but the liquor just kicks it up a notch and makes it worse cause then I lose my control and I’ll express myself to others through anger, despair, tears, remorse, and aggression. I’ve never physically hurt anyone (except myself) but I’ve been emotionally abusive. I just think on this all, and it’s hard to fathom how the time has passed. Especially going from 19 to 25, doesn’t feel like much changed, but when I look back with hindsight, I see a trend and a progression. I feel like I’ve changed, but I don’t know whether it’s enough to mention, or if the change is in the right direction.

Then I try to think some of my insecurities that make me drink. The current one that comes to me first is I feel people get sick of me after awhile. I’m sure it’s all in my head, but when I get used to being around someone, and opening up to them, it’s heart breaking to see them becoming distant. I really don’t think I am that bad of a person, but I just can’t help but think it’s me and my personality that has forced them away. When it is at this point, I know talking about it to the person won’t matter, cause it’ll be like pumping water out of a sinking ship, so the endeavor is pathetic, it makes me pathetic, and I’ve done it so many times. There’s so much love in my heart, but I make it hard for people to believe me. It’s my fault though, I can’t blame anyone else. The liquor helps though, helps distract from my sadness, usually.

#thoughts #heartache #prose #alcohol #stream of consciousness #insecurity

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ahopkins1965 · 3 months

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Proverbs 27:19 says: As the water reflects the face so the heart reflects the person. This means that our reflection inside of a mirror or water does not tell you how you are feeling, it is the heart that tells everything about you. Honestly, I have been withholding a lot of my emotions during the past 29 years. It appears to me that I feel more angrier than usual. I will admit that I have been feeling irritated about small stuff. I am a person who has common sense, but I am using my mind to hold things up. The people that I have dealt with in the past have turned face. These people are slandering me, but not directly to my face.

Next, I have been still clean and sober for 33 years now. My AA Sponsor told me in my face that I only took a sip of wine, it doesn't mean that I relapsed in my personal recovery. I did not drink alcohol or anything else since. I will admit that I have been exposed to fentanyl for the third time in six months. The people who live at Wentworth Hi Rise Apartments have been smoking marijuana and fentanyl. There is one major dealer of marijuana and fentanyl mixed up together. I do not understand why these people are smoking an animal tranquilizer drugs that are used for large animals.

Moreover, I want to inform all of you that someone died in the building last night from fentanyl mixed with marijuana. My heart is in pain right now. I have been feeling depressed and sad over the death of my Uncle Johnnie. I know that I have been staying in the apartment complex as of late. My Sponsor told me not to worry about it. I will see him again in heaven. I am a 58 year old man who has a lot of physical and mental ailments. I am having hot flashes right now. I am suffering from Alzheimer's and Andropause which is the male version of menopause.

Also, I have been moody and having mood swings during an eight year period. I supposed that I am ruled by my emotions. I can still do things for myself right now. This means that I am more moodier than usual. I have to sleep on the floor in the bedroom. I have been writing down everything that I can remember throughout the whole day. I guess when you have Alzheimer's and Schizophrenia at the same time. The Neurologist stated that I am too young to take Alzheimer's medication right now. I am so sleepy that I almost burn up my food that I had cooking inside of the kitchen.

Finally, I want to inform all of you that I am literally out of shape physically and mentally and emotionally right now. I am much more emotional than usual. When I think about Proverbs 27:19, it really helps me to Repent of my sins, iniquities and transgressions. Someone told me to my face that I am going to change physically, mentally, and emotionally. Whoever told me this information they were very concerned about my future right now. I suffer from Type 2 Diabetes Full Blown right now. The doctor told me to check my blood sugar levels every eight hours now. The doctor told me to check my blood pressure as well.

In Conclusion, I have been having memory lapses and back problems as well as mental stress. I have been doing things on a day to day basis. I am having a hard time losing weight and keeping it off. I have been breathing very heavy right now. I have been reading the Bible just to soothe my soul. God is watching over me very carefully because I have a tendency to get manic at times. Currently, I do have behavior problems since 1997. I remember on Tuesday July 15, 1997; I went to jail for aggravated assault because I was taking Prednisone 60mg for one month. The medicine had me sleeping only two hours per night. I had to get off of the medicine before it kills me literally.

In Summary, I am doing good today. I am self evaluating my own behavior. My Therapist did not know that Satan's controls the internet traffic worldwide. I told my family members that I am having issues with my apartment building right now. Lord Jesus, please help me with my own behavior right now. This is one of the reasons why I cannot travel out of state for a while now. Lord Jesus please help me to get control of my emotions. I will also ask you to please keep me in peace. I need everlasting peace with You and God the Father. I love all of you!! I need a job and a life with someone with the opposite sex right now. Lord Jesus, please help me to write down everything that is bothering me. My life is unmanageable right now. Please let me know if I can go to heaven with you. Please help me with my family members and friends behavior right now. Thank You For Your Understanding and Your Peace. God Bless All of You: Who are reading my essay. Please feel free to comment on what you have read about Proverbs 27:19.

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mackenzielovee · 3 years

Text

love affair - rafe cameron

a/n: it's not edited but i came up with this idea last night and fell in love w it so here goes nothing (also I see your requests and am working on those next!) let me know what you think pls! (not my gif). p.s sorry this is so long but i actually love it!

Summary: You and Rafe have been secretly dating for some time now, but everything gets turned upside down when your secret gets uncovered.

Warnings: swearing, smut, mentions of sex, mentions of drug abuse, relapse, and Topper being a dick !

Word Count: 7.6k+

my writing

The Cut had always been your side of the island. It's where you took your first steps, where you went to school, where you met all your friends, and it's where you fell in love for the very first time. You're a full-blooded Pogue, and you wouldn't change that for a damn thing.

You met Rafe Cameron over at Barry's about a year ago, where you had been with JJ buying weed. You watched the way he strutted up like he owned the place and then yelled 'What's up' to Barry to try and get his attention from you and JJ. You had rolled your eyes and Rafe had smirked, and the rest was history.

You'd been seeing him for about eight months now, secretly, anywhere. He usually comes onto the Cut when he wants to see you, but you never go anywhere public on the island together because Rafe doesn't want people to know the two of you are together. Which means, you usually end up eating dinner in his truck and having sex in the backseat afterward before he drops you off at John B's again.

You didn't care that Rafe wanted it to be a secret. You have fallen completely head-over-heels for him and all you ever want to do is be with him. Which is why, today, you seem a little depressed to your friends. It's nearly ten at night and you haven't heard a word from Rafe all day.

"Yo," JJ greets you, plopping down in the hammock beside you, "Wanna little?"

He reeks of weed, and holds out a blunt for you to take. At first, you want to say no, but then you shrug and take it from his fingers. JJ stares down at your hand as you take the blunt from him, loving the little bits of touch he gets from you every now and then.

"What's up?" he asks after you take a hit.

You shake your head, blowing smoke out into the open air, "Nothin'."

He doesn't believe you, and you know he doesn't. You just don't have the strength to fake it right now. You take another hit and notice JJ look over at you as you blow the smoke out again. His eyes move down from your face to your neck, spying what looks to be a bruise around your collarbone. And another at the hemline of your shirt. He leans down to get a better look, then reaches out and starts to move the collar of your shirt around.

"What the fuck, JJ?" you swat him away, listening to him break out in a laugh.

"Holy shit, Y/N," he stares at you, eyes wide, "Did you get attacked by someone's mouth lately?"

You swallow and hold the blunt up to your lips to try and hide your expression as you remember how Rafe had snuck you upstairs to his bedroom two nights ago and could not keep his hands off you for anything. He had kissed on every square inch of your body, telling you that if he couldn't claim you in public, he sure as hell would do it in private. You can't even think about sex with Rafe when you're with your friends, because it just has you grinning like an idiot and then you start to crave it.

"Mind your business, JJ," is all you decide to say, taking one last hit of the blunt before giving it back to him.

"Who was it?" he laughs.

You know he won't let this go, so you turn and walk away, trying to get up to the house where the rest of the group is. You shake your head when you hear his boots hit the ground and he tries to stand up, trying not to laugh when you hear him say 'woah' and try to steady himself.

"Come on, now," JJ yells after you, "Don't be like that!"

You walk up the stairs on the porch and turn around to flip him off, then slip inside once you see him take off running at you.

"Got sick of the skeeters already?" John B asks you as you collapse down on the couch beside Pope. Kie is standing in the kitchen getting beer, silently holding you up to ask if you want one. You nod, then look back to John B.

"Got sick of JJ already," you correct.

"Most people do, within the hour," Pope informs you, making you laugh.

You hear JJ rush through the porch and shut your eyes, praying he doesn't come in here acting like a fool because he saw a few hickeys on you. Kiara enters the living room just as JJ enters through the front door, wide smirk on his face.

"All right, listen up," JJ announces to the room.

You roll your eyes as Kie hands you your beer. JJ glances down at you, smirk only growing on his lips.

"I wanna know who marked up our girl," JJ declares, pointing down at you from above your head so that you won't see his motion, but they all will.

"What are you talking about, JJ?" Kie asks, huffing.

"I'm so glad you asked, Kie," JJ grins, then points down to the hickey on your collarbone, "Exhibit A, ladies and gentlemen. And Pope."

Pope gives JJ a glare, but JJ doesn't see it. He pulls down your shirt again, just slightly, to show off the other two.

"Exhibit B," he says, pointing to the one just above your breast, "And the third one," he points to the one resting in between your breasts.

"It would be Exhibit C," Pope corrects.

"We all know you're a nerd, Pope," JJ waves him off, "So, I just have to ask. Boys, either of you know anything about this?"

"JJ-" John B starts, but JJ interrupts him by holding a finger up.

"Admission of guilt is punishable by death," JJ informs them, then points at John B to continue.

"We know nothing about it," Pope speaks, loudly, ready for this conversation to be over.

"Good to know," JJ says, "Now, my prime suspect. Kie, my lovely lady. You didn't, perhaps, make these markings?"

JJ points back down to your chest again, watching both you and Kiara drop your jaws.

"No, what the hell, JJ?" Kiara groans.

"Seriously?" you ask him, finally looking up at him.

"What?" JJ asks innocently, "Certainly something I like picturing in my brain."

"You're disgusting, JJ," Kie grumbles, taking a long sip of her beer.

"Can you let it go now, please?" John B asks JJ, pointing to you as a reference of what he's talking about.

You feel your phone vibrate in your back pocket and pull it out, noticing it's a text from Rafe. You keep his number under the name of an old boss you used to have at your job, so if anyone were to look at your incoming texts before you could, that's all they would see. Rafe keeps your number under a different girl's name, which you hate, but understand.

Meet me at the Druthers in half hour. Can't wait to see you.

You smile softly at the text and then tuck your phone away again before anyone can notice. You watch JJ and John B argue with one another about JJ's so called 'investigation', and Kie rolls her eyes every now and then. Pope has closed his eyes and is trying to drift off. You take a few big gulps of you beer and finish it, then set the empty bottle down on the coffee table.

"I'm just saying, brother, you're hindering this process by not answering my questions on where you were yesterday," JJ says to John B, who looks so frustrated he could scream.

"All right, boys," you announce as you stand, "I gotta take off. Early morning at work tomorrow."

JJ frowns, "Early morning serving Kooks! Nah, sit down. I haven't solved the case yet."

You take a step closer to JJ and stare into his eyes, ready to totally fuck with him.

"You really wanna know who is was, JJ?" you ask.

The smell of weed and your vanilla perfume fills his nose, making him feel even more intoxicated than he already is. He can feel himself melting already, and he wants to know who did it so he can beat the daylights out of them.

"Yes," he replies, trying his best to keep his voice even.

You lean in very close to him, your lips only inches apart, and you swear you can hear his heart pounding. You can't see them, but you can tell the other three can't tear their eyes away.

"Your mother," you whisper against his lips, watching as he sighs and steps away from you.

You hear John B crack up as you smirk, then start toward the porch.

"Fuck off, all right?" JJ calls after you, "I'm going to close this case!"

"Whatever you say, JJ,'" you reply, then rush off the porch steps and out into the night.

You had to sneak around to the back of the Cameron's property, afraid someone in the house might see you. Luckily, you and Rafe have carved out a path and tested it many times to make sure it's not visible from the house. You're most exposed on the dock, but you figure the darkness should at least help.

You can see some lights on the boat, but you don't see Rafe right away. You reach the side of the boat and look around, wondering if he's on the boat or went back to the house. You're hesitant to climb on, given that it's his family boat and anyone could be there.

"You're late," you hear, and you glance up to the top deck to find him, grinning down at you.

"Sorry, I had trouble getting away," you reply as he starts down to get you.

"Those Pogues never want to let you leave, is that it?" he asks you once he climbs down, coming to stand directly in front of you.

"Well, one of them caught sight of these," you pull your shirt down, exposing Rafe's work, "So it got a little complicated."

Rafe smirks at what he's done to you, how he's marked you. He brings his hand up and traces his finger over the mark on your collarbone, stroking your skin softly.

"They have to know you're spoken for," he says softly.

You could melt under his touch, you really believe that. His skin just belongs on yours.

"We could just tell them," you volunteer.

Rafe snickers and then removes his hand, bringing it down to yours. He doesn't respond to your comment.

"Come aboard, m'lady," he announces in a cheesy accent, helping you on.

"All right," you say once your feet are firmly in the boat, "What are we doing here?"

"Well," Rafe sighs, taking your hand and leading you down into the boat, "I couldn't sneak you into the house tonight, and this place has a bed and a bathtub, so I figured, what the hell? Let's spend the night on the boat."

He leads you toward the bedroom, which was usually the one his parents used. It wasn't very large, but it was definitely enough for the two of you.

"A bathtub?" you repeat to him as he pulls you in.

He nods and then opens up the bathroom door, exposing his handy work. He's filled up the tub with hot water and bubbles, and set out champagne for the two of you. You grin as you look back to him, watching the shy smile on his face grow.

"Is it, like, an anniversary or something?" you ask, gawking at what he's set up for you.

"No, I don't think so," he laughs, "I just feel like being close to you."

You turn around and collapse into him, loving the feeling you get when he wraps his arms around you. It makes you feel safe and protected, like nothing bad could ever happen to you as long as he was with you.

"Want to get in?" he asks softly against your head, and you nod.

He pulls his head back to look at you, and you observe how tired his eyes look. He's been clean for a month now, but you can tell it gets to him every now and again. He craves it, needs it, wants it more than anything. Which you understand, because it's exactly how you feel about him.

Without breaking eye contact with you, he pulls your shirt over your head from the bottom, then brings his hands down to undo the button on your shorts. They fall to the ground and you step out of them as Rafe brings his head down to kiss your chest. He brings his hands around your body and undoes your bra, letting it fall to the floor too.

He kisses down your chest and your stomach, the kisses wet and quick. You bring your hands to his hair, playing with it as he continues to kiss you. He stops once he reaches your underwear, smirking up at you as he loops his fingers through either side and takes his sweet time sliding them down your legs. He leaves a kiss on both of your thighs, then stands back up and kisses your lips again.

You can't get him to stop, nor do you want him to, as he pulls his own shirt over his head, only breaking your kiss for a second. Your hand goes to his shorts and you slide them off, finding he's not wearing underwear. You laugh against his lips.

He brings you over to the tub and takes your hand, helping you in. He climbs in after you and immediately pulls you onto his lap, bringing his lips to your neck. You moan softly, only pressing him to continue. Your hands find his hair again, then come down to stroke his back.

He kisses on you for a while, your lips, your neck, your chest, anywhere. After a bit, he pulls back and just stares at you, pulling his hand out of the water every now and then to play with your hair. That gets it wet, but you don't care. This moment quickly becomes one of your favorites.

"How are you feeling?" you ask him, bringing a bubbly hand up to stroke his cheek.

"Could be better," he admits after a minute, "I just needed to see you."

You nod, fixing the hair that's starting to hang in his eyes.

"You were thinking about it," you state, figuring out why he texted you to meet him so soon.

He will usually give you a heads-up, tell you in the morning he wants to see you at night. His 'half an hour' text was unusual. He nods his head, not wanting to admit to you that he was thinking about relapsing.

"I don't like feeling like this," he admits.

You stare at him, knowing that if any of the guys at the club, or any of your friends, saw Rafe like this, he most definitely would not get the same respect he does from them. The show he puts on for everyone else, the tough guy who acts emotionless, is so fake that you can't help but laugh when you see him around the island. It's just so not who he really is.

"I know, baby," you whisper back.

Your hand cups his cheek, thumb brushing over his skin. He brings his hand up and takes yours, then reaches over and swipes bubbles onto your nose. This makes him smile, which in turn makes you smile.

"Hey," you pout, then take your free hand and reach to do the same, but he's too quick for you.

You giggle, trying to get to him, and he laughs loudly when you can't.

"Okay, okay, truce," he yells, still laughing, grabbing both of your wrists and holding them down so you can't get him.

"Only because you're cute," you agree.

"Hmm, I'll show you cute," he smirks, then leans down and kisses you, but it's rougher this time.

You know exactly what he wants.

You have sex with Rafe in the tub, then again on the bed, and neither of you bother getting dressed. Afterward, you had gone into the bathroom to fix yourself up, and when you come back out, Rafe is reading as he lays in bed and waits for you.

When you emerge, he closes his book and looks up at you. How perfect you are, how much he loves you, and how large of a hickey he put on the sweet spot of your neck, visible enough for anyone on the island to see.

"What are you reading?" you ask him, crawling into the bed beside him. He opens his arm up and allows your head to fall down to his chest, then leaves his hand to rest on your back.

"East of Eden," he says, holding up the book as proof.

"You don't have to stop," you say, giving his chest a small kiss.

Rafe grins and opens the book back up with one hand, then quietly starts reading it out loud. You listen as he speaks, breathing in his scent along with the story. His voice is so calm, so soothing, and you can feel his chest vibrate slightly against your temple as he reads. It doesn't take long for you to fall asleep, because you know this is what heaven feels like.

Rafe wakes you early the next morning, knowing you have to get to work. Thankfully, you work on Figure Eight, but that was only because of Rafe. He had gotten you a job at the club after learning how much you made on the Cut with your last job. Plus, with you at the club, he knows he'll get to see you more often.

He brings you your bag, which contains your uniform for work along with an extra pair of underwear and fresh bra. You ask him to get your clothes from the bathroom, and he tells you he washed them last night after you had fallen asleep, then goes to get them from the dryer.

He hands you a stack of clothes after you get dressed, and you don't bother checking that you have everything. You just shove it in your bag and then throw your hair up in a ponytail. Rafe comes up behind you in the bathroom mirror and kisses your neck, then your cheek.

You turn around and give him a proper kiss, which makes him happy. He groans against your lips after a minute.

"I don't want to make you late," he says as he pulls away, "Get your stuff, I'll drive you."

You nod and then exit the bathroom, grabbing your bag from the bedroom and then watching as Rafe slides his shorts back on. He steps over and picks his shirt up off the floor, tossing it over his head even though its inside out.

You laugh at him and he smiles back, then takes your hand and leads you off the boat. He knows his parents have already left for work and his sisters don't get up until noon, so he holds your hand all the way down the dock. It's the most public place that he had ever shown affection toward you, and you love it.

You two walk around the house and Rafe leads you to the passenger door of his truck, holding it open for you. He gives you a sweet kiss before he gently closes the door, then rushes around and gets in the drivers seat.

He holds your hand all the way to the club, occasionally bringing it up to his lips to kiss. You watch his motion, convinced you will never love someone like this again. He pulls into the parking lot of the club, parking further back because he knows some people inside might recognize his truck. The early morning golfers have already started to arrive.

"Top and I are playing golf in about an hour, so we'll be around for lunch," he tells you.

His eyes look sad, like he doesn't want you to get out of the truck. You wrap his hand up in two of yours, trying to comfort him.

"I can't wait," you smile at him.

"I'm gonna try to request your section, but I'm not sure how it'll work out. You know, with Topper listening and all."

You nod your head, then reach up and stroke his cheek. You just love how soft his skin is, you can't seem to get enough. He relaxes under your touch, letting his eyes close.

"I'll see you later," you tell him, not wanting to leave him, either.

He leans over and gives you a kiss, one you never want to pull away from.

"I love you," he whispers against your lips once he pulls away.

"I love you, too," you say, then give him a smile.

He smiles back, but it fades once you reach for the door handle. You hop out, and with one last, longing look to your boyfriend, you close the door and walk up to the club.

The breakfast rush isn't too bad, nothing compared to when the lunch rush starts. Apparently, every single man on the island is playing golf today, and they're all hungry. You barely even notice when Rafe, Topper and Kelce sit down at a table, one that just so happens to be in your section. Rafe sees you first, watching as you hurry around to different tables, talk to different people, and even laugh with a few of the guests. He wishes he could do that with you the way they could.

The three boys sit there for about five minutes before Topper makes some remark about nobody coming to the table yet.

"Shut up, dude, they're busy," Rafe replies.

Topper and Kelce both look over at Rafe, giving him a 'what did you just say?' glance. Rafe coughs awkwardly and shakes his head, brushing them off.

"Afternoon, boys," you greet them, knowing better than to look directly at Rafe.

You two have perfected the routine. No secret glances, no lingering stares, nothing to make anyone suspicious.

"Water," Topper points to the glass.

You plaster a smile on your face, even though you really could hit him. You lean forward to fill up his glass, Topper only glances up for a second when he spies the large hickey on your neck.

"What, they don't pay you enough here?" he asks you, pointing to his neck as if to ask you about your own.

You stare down at him, completely unsure of how you wish to handle it, so Rafe speaks up instead.

"I'll take a rum and coke," he says quickly, glancing at you only for a second before he looks back down at his phone.

"Yes, sir," you say quietly.

Kelce orders the same as Rafe, and you walk away with murder in your mind. Topper is such an asshole, always has been, and you've never wanted so badly to tell him that the creator of that hickey is sitting two feet away from him.

You go inside to the bar and slide the drink orders in, just as something out the window catches your eye. JJ's standing outside, waving his arms like a mad man at you. You grin, walking back outside to talk to him.

All of your tables, including Rafe's, can see you approach JJ. But you don't care. You love when he comes to see you at work. He's a familiar face amongst a sea of rich folk.

"Hey," you greet him, a big smile on your face.

"Please tell me you're not busy after work," he says quickly, "Kie's grounded, Pope's studying, and John B's off in La La Land with Sarah Cameron again."

You try your best to ignore the part where JJ brings up John B and Sarah Cameron. They've started hanging out recently, and the friends give absolutely no shit to John B about it. Yet, you know if you told them you were seeing Rafe, all of their heads would explode.

"I'm not busy," you tell him.

"Good. Blunts by the beach?" he raises his eyebrow, both of your favorite activity to do together.

You nod, then give him a smile.

"Bless you, sweetheart," he throws his arms around you, pulling you in for a bear hug.

"JJ-" you try, but he squeezes you even tighter, "I have to get back to work."

JJ sets you down, rolling his eyes as he adjusts his Kildare Island snapback.

"Ah, yes, back to the chains of capitalism. Go, move along, serve these hardworking folks!" he raises his voice as he speaks, making you shake your head.

You start to back away from him, knowing you need to get back to your tables. Your manager comes up behind JJ and taps him on the shoulder.

"Yes, in fact, brother. I am a member here," you hear JJ say.

You turn around and start walking away, and then you hear a, "Okay, you got it, boss. I'm out of here."

You laugh slightly, then go back inside to the bar and grab the drinks for Rafe and Kelce. When you get back outside to their table, you notice how Rafe's jaw is clenched and he doesn't even steal a glance at you as you set his drink down in front of him.

"You all know what you want?" you ask, looking to Kelce first.

Kelce tells you, and with a polite smile, he hands over his menu. Topper goes next, practically barking out his food order, then hands Kelce his menu to hand to you. Much to your surprise, Kelce rolls his eyes at Topper, allowing you to see, then smirks at you. You smile in return, then look over to Rafe.

"For you, sir?" you ask.

Rafe is staring straight ahead, but his eyes flicker over to you when you speak. He snaps his menu shut and holds it up for you to take.

"Not hungry," he mutters.

You swallow as you take the menu from him, wanting to remind him that he hadn't eaten this morning, and is now drinking alcohol, and needs to put food in his stomach. But, instead, you bite your tongue and take his menu, then quietly tell Topper and Kelce their food will be out shortly.

After a few minutes, you finally get a break in the lunch rush and step inside to cool down. Rafe notices this and excuses himself from the boys to go to the bathroom, then steps inside the clubhouse. You glance up from the hostess stand to see him nod his head at the hallway where the bathrooms are, so you step out and follow him.

Once you turn down the hall, Rafe is waiting for you right by the men's room. He's pulled the door open to check if anyone is inside, and when he's confident the coast is clear, he grabs your wrist and pulls you in with him.

"What's going on?" you ask him, yanking your wrist from his harsh grip.

"JJ's coming to see you at work now?" Rafe snaps, running his hand through his hair.

"He's my friend," you defend him, making Rafe scoff.

"That piece of garbage isn't friends with anything that has a vagina," he laughs, but it's sarcastic.

"Okay, why are you being an asshole right now?" your voice gets loud, so he brings his hand up to silence you.

"I just don't like it when he puts his hands on you," Rafe whispers.

"Well, at least someone does in public," you snap, watching his chest fall.

He doesn't say anything right away, so you know you've upset him. You sigh and set your hands on your hips, then look back up at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," you say, "I'm just a little frustrated. Topper's a real asshole."

Rafe nods his head, reaching out and pulling you into him. You accept his hug, letting him make you feel safe.

"I'm sorry, baby," he says quietly.

"It's not your fault," you remind him, then pick your head up from his chest, "I have to get back to work."

Rafe nods and releases his arms from around you. you reach for the door handle, then turn back around to him.

"By the way," you say, watching his eyes meet yours, "I put in an order for you, anyway. You shouldn't drink on an empty stomach."

Rafe smiles softly at you and then nods. You poke your head out of the door just enough, then carefully slide out of the bathroom. You close the door behind you and rush away, knowing Rafe will wait a few minutes before coming out.

Their food comes out a few minutes later, so you grab the three plates and carry them outside. You had ordered Rafe his usual - burger, medium well, and fries. He got it almost every time. Topper and Kelce look confused as hell when you set down Rafe's usual order in front of him after he had ordered nothing.

"Thank you," Rafe says quietly, without even realizing anything.

"Anything else I can get you boys?" you ask, looking to Kelce, who seems to be your safest bet at the table.

"Nah," he shakes his head.

Topper doesn't speak and neither does Rafe, so you walk away. Kelce smirks and looks to the boys.

"Yo, I think that waitress has got a thing for me," he grins.

Rafe laughs, louder than he means to, earning both the boys' attention.

"What?" Rafe asks, picking up his burger, "She's a Pogue, bro."

He adds the last part just to cover his own ass, which seems to work, because Topper shrugs.

"She's still hot," Kelce mutters, making Rafe stop form taking a bite of his food. Before he can say anything in return, Topper speaks up.

"Hey, man, I thought you told her you didn't want anything," Topper looks at him, his stare almost accusing.

"I ordered when I went in to pee," Rafe says, a little too quickly.

"And it came out that fast?" Topper questions, eyebrow raised.

Rafe just shrugs, "I told the Pogue to put a rush on it."

Topper grins, completely accepting Rafe's story. The boys eat quickly, and when they're through, you bring over the tab they have to sign. Kelce passes the booklet around the table, it ending with Rafe.

"Let's roll, boys," Rafe announces after he signs.

The boys stand up, ready to walk out, when Rafe tells them he forgot his phone at the table and would catch up. They go on, not looking back as Rafe rushes back to the table and opens the booklet again. Pulling out his wallet, he slides a one-hundred into it as a tip, then pulls out his copy of his receipt, scribbling on it, then closing it again.

You see him just as he closes the booklet and then walks away, not looking around for you. So, you step over to the table and grab it, your eyes going wide as you see the bill inside. You want to chase after him, make him take it back, but you know you can't. Then, you see the writing on his receipt.

I'm sorry. I love you.

You feel your heart ache in your chest, quickly pocketing the bill and the little note. You bite your lip to hide a smile, then check on the rest of your tables with a bit more enthusiasm than you've held the entire shift.

You meet JJ on the beach after work and smoke, hanging out and talking about your job. You vent about how much of a tool Topper is, to which JJ agrees. You even told him about your big tip, but you gave the credit to an older guy who probably messed up the bills when he removed them from his wallet. JJ was so shocked - he asked if you could get him a job there. You said you'd try, remembering the only reason you had your job was because of Rafe.

Once it gets dark, you and JJ head back to John B's. He isn't there when you arrive, which causes JJ to joke about how he's too busy macking on Sarah Cameron to come home. You laugh lightly, but really, you wish you were with Rafe. You decide to text him, just to make sure he's still doing okay.

How are you feeling?

You type and hit send quickly, before JJ even notices you're on your phone. You and JJ collapse on the couch and continue to talk, ignoring JJ when he points to the new hickey on your neck. He watches your expression change and assumes you don't want to talk about it, so he drops it.

You text goes unanswered for a while. Long enough that you start to worry. You sit up, glancing at your phone every few seconds, convinced every time that you feel it vibrate. It never does.

JJ starts to doze off, and when you hear a knock at the door, you're not surprised when he doesn't move. You get up, careful not to wake him, and then step out on the porch. You assume it's probably Pope finally coming to join, but when you glance up, your heart stops when you see Rafe through the screen.

You rush out and close the door behind you, staring at him. He looks like a mess, his hair is standing up in all different directions and he's biting his nails as he tries to keep himself calm.

"What are you doing here?" you whisper to him.

"Baby," he says, his voice weak, "Holy shit, baby, I fucked up."

He starts to pace, reaching his hand up to bite his nails again. Your heart sinks into your stomach as you stare at him.

"Rafe," you say, keeping your voice calm, "Did you relapse?"

He stops, head snapping over to you and looking at you like you're crazy.

"What?" he gasps, "No. What the fuck, no."

You shake your head, confused as to what he's talking about if not that. You reach out and grab onto his hands, pulling his fingers away from his mouth so he stops biting his nails.

"Then what happened?" you ask.

He stares at you and sighs, then grabs your hands in his, "Sarah was on the boat this afternoon."

He states this and stops, as if you should be able to figure it all out from there. You stare at him, waiting for him to continue. When he doesn't, you shake your head.

"And?"

Rafe groans, as if you should already know, "And, when I picked up your clothes off the bathroom floor this morning, I sorta, kinda, missed your underwear. Sarah found them and brought them in the house, she started yelling at me for bringing random girls on the boat and told me it was disgusting and..." he trails off, then starts again, "And I snapped. I told her that it wasn't random girls, it was one girl, and then she asked who, and I didn't answer, so she started yelling for my dad, and then I told her that it was you. I had to shut her up, babe, my dad would kick my ass-"

"Rafe," you stop him, squeezing his hands, "Stop. Just calm down, all right?"

Rafe takes a deep breath, watching you and trying to calm himself down to your level.

"Was John B with your sister when she confronted you?" you ask him, still keeping your voice calm for his sake.

"What?" Rafe questions, "No. Why would John B be with Sarah?"

You look up at him, realizing Rafe has no idea that Sarah and John B are together. You look at him until he slowly figures it out, then reaches up and grabs his temples.

"They're together?" Rafe says, shocked, "She can't be with him!"

You make a face, "Why not?"

"Because he's a fucking Pogue," Rafe snaps, then immediately realizes what he's said.

His eyes travel over to you and he quickly shakes his head, then wraps his arms around you before you can run off. You aren't sure what to say or do, so you just stand in his arms. He tries not to be bothered when you don't return his embrace.

"I didn't mean that," he says quickly, "I didn't. I love you. I'm sorry."

You swallow your feelings and move your face into his chest. You keep your arms by your side, but your little movement soothes him enough. His words circle around in your head, and after a minute, you move away from him. If all you're ever going to be to him is a Pogue, you're not sure being with him is the right choice. He looks hurt when you move away, but you try to shake it off.

"So, everyone knows Sarah's with John B?" he asks you.

"Yeah," you reply.

He runs his hand through his hair, pulling it back from his face.

"So why have we been hiding out?"

You back away even further, turning and grabbing the screen door. You pull it open, then turn back and give Rafe a small, sympathetic smile.

"I wasn't the one who wanted to keep us a secret, Rafe."

You watch him just for a moment as his expression changes, realizing that every boundary, every rule, has been created by him. He made up every sneaky mission, every path the two of you would take, and you just went along with it because you enjoyed being with him. His heart sinks as he watches you walk back into the house, shutting the porch light off behind you.

John B wakes you and JJ the next morning, coming in the house and finding you both asleep with JJ's arm around you. You sit up and rub your eyes, moving out from JJ's grip. He rolls over on the couch and goes back to sleep, while John B nods his head for you to follow him into the kitchen.

You're still groggy from last night, it all coming back to you as you enter the kitchen. Rafe's last look at you before you had come back inside rushes through your head, and you do your best to wipe it away.

"So," John B looks down at you, observing the hickey on your neck for just a second before he continues speaking, "I think I solved JJ's case."

You look up at him, remembering what Rafe had said about telling Sarah. Now, as you look up at your friend, you know he knows.

"She told you," you state. You don't ask him, you don't need to.

He nods his head, "Why didn't you tell us?"

You sigh and sit down at the table near him, glancing quickly to make sure JJ's still passed out. It's always easier to talk and be honest with John B when JJ's not around to make some comment or joke. And you know JJ would call Rafe and asshole and try to talk you out of it.

"Rafe didn't want me to," you answer honestly, not liking those words.

"Because of who you are?" he asks, trying his best to not sound too judgmental.

John B doesn't like Rafe even in the slightest, but he trusts your judgment and wants to know the full truth on what's going on between the two of you.

"I don't know," you look down, even though you're sure that's the truth.

"How long have you been seeing him?"

You look up to him, biting the inside of your cheek as you hesitate to respond. John B can tell just by your behavior that he isn't going to like the answer.

"Eight months."

John B swears under his breath and turns away from you, running a hand over his head as he processes.

"I can't believe you thought you had to keep that from us. And I can't believe the whole time I've been running my mouth about Sarah," he groans, like he's frustrated with himself because you didn't tell him.

"John B, it's okay," you stand now, setting your hand on his arm, "You didn't know."

He looks up at you, his eyes gentler.

"You love him?"

You nod, only slightly, when he pulls you in for a hug. You hug him back, trying not to cry, because you have no idea where you stand with Rafe. You pull away first, shielding your face so he can't see the way your eyes are filled with tears.

You tell him you have to get ready for work, you're on for lunch and dinner today, and then excuse yourself to go take a shower. You take your sweet time, and all of John B's hot water, then get dressed. JJ is still asleep when you leave, so you say a quick goodbye to John B ans make your way over to Figure Eight.

You think about texting him, but decide against it. If he wants to fix things, he's going to have to handle it himself. You tell yourself to put it out of your head for your whole shift and just focus on your work, that you can handle your personal life on your own time.

You clock in and immediately start busting your ass, making sure every one of your tables has everything they need. The lunch rush slows, enough that you can hang out and chat with the bartender before the dinner rush begins.

The dinner rush today is like nothing you've ever experienced before. Just as busy as yesterday, but larger parties. Plus you're down a waiter. The whole process just stresses you out more than it did yesterday. You're rushing around the outside deck, trying to remember all of your drink orders, when he catches your eye. Rafe's sitting at a table with Topper and Kelce, watching you. You try not to be upset that he's not in your section, but you look away from him and walk inside instead.

You bring drinks out a few minutes later, finding JJ standing on the deck again, chatting up another waitress.

"What are you doing here?" you ask as you pass him.

He nods to the girl as a way of excusing himself, then follows you to your table as you deliver the tray of drinks.

"Came to see if you wanted to help me break Kie out of her house arrest," he grins.

You look up at him, your stressed expression getting his attention. You walk away and set the tray down on a rack outside, JJ still following you.

"I'm really busy right now, JJ. I can't."

He frowns, getting annoyed that you won't even look at him.

"What about later? Also, do you know what's up with John B? He was acting all quiet this morning when I asked where you had run off to. Did you guys get into it or something?"

"Oh, my God, JJ-" you groan and spin around, but you get cut off by a loud voice you recognize all too well.

"Excuse me, everyone," Rafe speaks, his voice carrying to almost the entire deck.

You turn around and find him standing up at his table, Topper and Kelce both looking confused as hell.

"I have an announcement to make," his eyes move over to yours, and Topper notices this, "I am in love."

You cross your arms over your chest and look at him, daring him to do it. JJ scoffs as he stands behind you, having not a single clue what's going on.

"Who in their right mind would love him?" JJ laughs.

"Rafe, sit down, man, are you high?" Topper snaps, fearing what Rafe is about to say.

Rafe brings his hand up and points over to you, watching as you bring your hand up to your mouth in astonishment.

"That's her. Right there, that pretty waitress. I'm completely and totally in love with her. And I'm sorry that I haven't admitted that sooner."

You grin at him, letting out a laugh as he steps out from behind the table. You forget about JJ and Topper and Kelce, it seems to be just the two of you. He walks over to you and grabs the back of your neck, pulling you up to him for a kiss. You hear a few people cheer and clap, but nothing crazy. When Rafe pulls away, you smile, and mouth 'i love you' to him.

"So this means you're not into me?" Kelce asks with a grin.

"Sorry," you shrug, leaning your head on Rafe's chest.

"Damn, that's why Rafe found it so funny," he mutters to himself.

Topper doesn't speak, he just gets up from the table and walks into the clubhouse, clearly embarrassed and angry at Rafe. You turn to find JJ, standing behind you with his mouth open.

"So, it's Rafe's handiwork on your neck, then?" he asks, still stunned.

You nod sheepishly, feeling Rafe lean down to kiss your temple.

"Shit," JJ mutters, "I'm gonna go smoke a blunt and process this brand new information."

You shake your head, promising to catch up with him later. He just nods and walks off, his expression never changing from how stunned he is.

"I can't believe you did that," you turn to your boyfriend. He grins down at you.

"I should've done it eight months ago. I'm sorry I let it get this far," he brings his hand up to your cheek.

You love the feeling of his skin on yours. Most days, you wish you could crawl into his skin. But even then, it wouldn't be close enough for either of you.

"It's okay," you smile, "I should get back to work."

He nods, giving you one more quick kiss on the lips.

"Meet you after?" he asks against your lips. You can still taste him.

"Yes, please."

#drew starkey #rafe x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe x y/n #rafe imagine #rafe fanfiction #rafe outer banks #rafe obx #rafe cameron #rafe #rafe fic #outer banks netflix #outerbanks netflix #outer banks #outerbanks

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goldsworthyhole · 2 years

Text

ticci toby- intruder

part 1- intro

You blankly stared outside your window, eyes focused on nothing in particular as you softly exhaled smoke through your nose. It had been a month since you moved into your new college apartment in the wet, gloomy state of Washington, and the past weeks had been uneventful at best, but downright brutal at worst.

Fall was your favorite season, though. You absolutely loved the rain. And even though you were stuck attending lecture in your room most of the time, you appreciated how you could work around your own schedule, at your own pace, in your own bed. Things could be worse, you reminded yourself, and you needed to try to stay grateful.

So it just didn't make sense why some mornings you couldn't get out of bed. Why, you'd be listening to the same song you had been humming earlier and burst out into tears, overwhelmed by a sinking feeling in your stomach. Or why lately, your intrusive thoughts have gotten louder and more frequent, the urge to relapse creeping up from the back of your mind.

All of which were briefly remedied by the blunt you held in your hand.

With a sigh, you put it out on the edge of your metal desk, before closing your window and looking for something to eat. Smoke, eat, sleep, repeat. The routine was comforting, a necessary distraction from the lack of control you seemed to have over your emotions. So you snagged a bag of chips from the kitchen, plopped onto your bed, and switched on the TV to rewatch another season of The Walking Dead.

You woke to the sound of rain. It was a welcome sound, usually one of your favorite sounds, but you could hear the water hitting the ground instead of your window and you knew something was off.

And sure enough, you looked over to the window to see it was wide open. The mesh screen layer that was supposed to be behind the glass was slashed to pieces.

Instinctively, you let out a whimper of fear, a noise that sounded so foreign coming from your own lips. What did people do in these situations? You felt frozen, thoughts racing through your head too quickly for you to act on any of them, but you needed to make a choice quick and do something, anything, because time was valuable and who knew when-

A creak from the floorboards outside your room spurred you into action: you needed to find your phone. Frantically you searched the sheets underneath you, where was it? It should've been plugged into the the charger, and after a quick glance below the bed, you could confirm it didn't fall while you were asleep. It had been right there, right next to you when you sat down.

"Looking for your phone? "

Your stomach sank. Fuck. Fuck.

Leaning against the doorway stood a tall, lean man, the lower half of his face obscured by a mask. And now you were petrified, not only because there was a man alone with you in your apartment, but an armed man, one hatchet tucked in the waistband of his pants and another in his hand. You began to assess your options.

"Please," you started, eyes wide, "I don't have much money, I can hardly afford to feed myself,"

The man twitched and you flinched. Aside from that, he made no move to acknowledge what you said, so you kept going.

"I-I, um, have maybe like... eighty dollars in cash." Internally you winced at how shaky your voice was. You knew how stupid you sounded- if he had the balls to break into your home, he probably wouldn't be satisfied with a measly eighty bucks. You could only pray he wouldn't take your laptop. "I mean, I can give you what's left on my credit cards too but, uh, it's really not much."

Silence in response.

What?

You sat there and stared at the intruder, who stared right back at you. A minute passed, then another. And another. You were still scared shitless but... now you were a little frustrated. Was he thinking about all the ways he was going to murder you? Or considering taking the money and dipping? His body gave no clues to what was going on in his head, and it was making you anxious.

After what seemed like an eternity he finally moved, shifting his weight away from the wall to stand fully. Warily you began to open your mouth to speak again, but then a strong hand was clasped tightly around your throat, and then you were falling in your back struggling to get air into your lungs. How had he crossed the room so quickly? You hardly had time to process the thought before he slammed your head into the wall behind you and you saw stars, you vision becoming increasingly blurred as his grip tightened.

"Trust me, I'm not here for your money."

You clawed desperately at your neck to no avail, nails raking thick leather gloves. The trauma to your skull combined with the lack of oxygen should've been enough to knock you out by now, shouldn't it? Toby frowned, before slamming your head again, and you fell forward limply. Better.

He let go of your neck, and began to pack your things.

#creepypasta dubcon #ticci toby smut #creepypasta #ticci toby #possessive #ticci toby dub con #golds.sfw #yandere ticci toby #yandere creepypasta

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ryoskuna · 3 years

Text

⭑ shaken, not stirred universe. | introduction.

notes: we’ve heard about bartender!sukuna, so get ready for the others! think of this as those choose-your-own adventure games, where you can choose your own love interest and path. you’re not just limited to sukuna, but you’ve got many more love interests you can choose (or request). this is just a humble introduction to the roles each jjk character fills within the shaken, not stirred universe, and may allude to some of the situations you may encounter on you way. so grab a snack, buckle in, cause it’s going to be one hell of a ride.

depending on how tumblr updates go, this may become a project reserved for AO3, but I’ll do what I can for now, here on tumblr. feel free to ask about any of the characters, and you all know how to find my inbox. additionally, i’m going to try and make this as gender-neutral and reader-neutral as possible, BUT, i’m also slightly biased in making content for black girls because I am one, so we’ll see how this goes. each drabble or fic will be marked for what kind of reader it discusses. also, i’m a sucker for a good oc... so there may be a whole related series with an original character(s). this is just the introduction for the universe so you know who is who.

MAIN ROUTES INCLUDE: sukuna, toji, nanami, megumi, yuji, mei mei, gojo, and geto. i’d be open to include routes for nobara, maki, inumaki, yuta, kamo, todo, momo, and mai (and maybe, choso) (but by default, nobara and maki are together unless requested individually, and mai is with momo (unless you request them individually as well). regardless of route, shoko and utahime are together.) but you would have to request these characters as in send me a message going “for the shaken not stirred universe, i would like a mai x reader, or nobara x reader”.

warnings: they’ll vary by route/character you choose, however, some general warnings is mentions of alcohol, past relationships, drama, angst. there’s some potential for 18+ content, however it will be marked as such (should it occur). oh, and there’s probably some unchecked grammar or spelling errors. there’s also a little bit of manga spoilers due to some characters being introduced.

summary: welcome to malevolent shrine, in the heart of shibuya, and one of the best rated bars on yelp. for all it’s worth ( and that one entryway at the side that you have to go down a set of exterior stairs and through a laundromat to get through that entrance) and despite the name, in its two story glory, it’s a fun place to be. the people who enter or work there are even better. and they’ve all got stories to tell. sit back, grab a drink, and prepare for what may be some of the most interesting events you’ve ever seen.

bonus: sukuna specific playlist ( x ), malevolent shrine playlist ft. sounds from their local acts/musicians ( x ), more to be added later (i am thinking of one called ‘toji’s ipod shuffle’, another called ‘dancing in gojo’s living room’, and one called ‘sitting in the passenger seat of geto’s car’.)

introducing the characters!

bartender!sukuna: new owner of the bar, malevolent shrine. when he gained ownership two years ago, he remodeled the bar and renamed it, as it was about to foreclose until he took managerial control, and the original owner gave him the bar when they retired. has a college degree in art history and art, has a few business management courses under his belt. he’s yuji’s older brother, and he’s very intense. there’s headcanons for him here ( x ). he has a signature drink, named after the bar, called malevolent shrine.

accountant!nanami: think of him as sukuna’s second in command (next to uraume) but he manages the finances of malevolent shrine. also hates work, but sukuna allows him to do what he wants, so he enjoys it slightly more. has a signature drink called 7-to-3.

budding model!nobara: in a professional rivalry with mai, however she is a signed to a modeling agency as well as growing in her instagram presence.

college student!maki: she is in her senior year of college, and is an athlete that does track and field — shot-put and discus and javelin.

benefactor!gojo: an old classmate of sukuna’s, now turned benefactor and donor to malevolent shrine to keep it open. he and sukuna have a so-so relationship (with gojo remembering that sukuna took the job as a way to take care of his younger brother yuji and their grandfather). sukuna did make a drink in his honor called infinite void.

restaurant owner!geto: owns a high-scale restaurant with mei mei. raising two twin girls. he’s mostly a retired pianist, but he helped sign the lease with mei mei for stability’s sake.

benefactor!mei mei: is a rival to gojo, both in terms of owning her restaurant (more like funding it) and buys whatever she likes (whether it’s an item or a person).

culinary student!yuji: works as a “head” of the kitchen at malevolent shrine. he’s sukuna’s younger brother, and sukuna tends to give him free reign on the meals that he makes. but everything he makes is good. when he’s not at school or malevolent shrine, he’s usually hanging out with nobara and megumi.

indie artist!megumi: one of the main and recurring acts at malevolent shrine. plays the guitar and will deny that he ever learned how to play the violin. he’s sort of adopted by gojo, but knows his father toji, and they’re working on reconciling their relationship. he’s roommates with yuji and nobara, and often used as nobara’s photographer.

bouncer!toji: the dilf. he’s boxing buddies with sukuna, as well as a force to be reckoned with at the bar. he’s good at his job and dare someone to pick a fight with him. you won’t win. sukuna made a drink in his honor called playful cloud.

musician!kamo: does a mixture of traditional japanese music and heavy metal, and he’s rivals with megumi. he can play an electric shamisen.

instagram model!mai and makeup artist!momo: sort of girlfriends, sort of FWBs, sort of exes, no one is exactly sure what’s going on there, and no one wants to ask. mai is a popular instagram model, but has yet to be signed to an agency. momo is her makeup artist, as well as a professional one.

part-time waitress!miwa: she works at malevolent shrine, helping as a waitress, and has a baking yt channel that’s growing in popularity and often features her two brothers.

physical trainer!todo: works at the gym sukuna and toji frequently attend. he’s very supportive to old and newcomers alike, and does not tolerate elitists who have been going to the gym for years. he also does the occasional twitch stream of his workouts.

guitarist!yuta: plays the guitar for inumaki. he can play both electric and acoustic, and he’s like a second cousin to gojo, although no one is exactly sure how they’re related.

singer!inumaki: he’s a singer, however, no one has ever seen his face when he performs. he performs as a silhouette behind a screen.

paramedic!shoko and high school teacher!utahime: shoko is a paramedic who attends the bar on her days off, and often drags utahime along. shoko makes sure that geto and gojo get along in public, and makes sure utahime relaxes to some extent.

shoko and sukuna hold each other accountable for not relapsing on their smoking addiction.

promotions and tech support!mechamaru: works at malevolent shrine and helps with the graphic design as well as tech support for the bands and musical acts that come through the bar. watches miwa’s baking channel in his spare time, and will talk to her about her recipes. has a crush on miwa.

notes:

geto and gojo are very complicated exes. no one knows how they broke up or why — just that it happened in front of a kfc —but there’s so many stories about them floating around like they were going to elope and travel the world, but no one knows the exact truth.

gojo raised megumi and tsumiki very briefly for some years while toji was a brief drifter. yes, megumi is aware that toji is his dad.

yuji, nobara, and megumi are roommates.

yuta and inumaki are a musical duo. they come as a set.

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pa-panda-heroes · 3 years

Note

Is it alright to request Bakugo, Todoroki, & Kirishima finding out that their usually well put together s/o secretly smokes (only to cope with stressful stuff like a rough home life) but now that she’s with them she tries to quit but then a bad mission happens & they walk in as she’s shakily holding a cig? Happy ending pls. Sorry if it’s complicated recovery isn’t linear & ive been feeling bad just thinking abt going back to it.

Sweetheart, please don’t apologize! I understand, okay? No judgements whatsoever. I’m really sorry you’ve not been feeling well, but keep fighting, love. You can do it!! You got this!! I’m so proud of you for taking this giant step for your health <3 and so are the boys :> I put it under a cut because it’s long ^^

Katsuki, Shouto, and Eijirou with a s/o who’s trying to quit smoking (Scenarios)

Warning: slight mentions of relapse, smoking

Katsuki:

He knew. He knew you’d had a particularly bad day handling an awful situation - the kind of job any hero (maybe even Katsuki himself) would pass off onto a rookie so as to avoid having to deal with it. He knew you’d been trying your hardest to quit smoking. He knew you only picked it up as a way to cope. He knew it was hard. He knew it all. He was right there with you.

Yet it didn’t break his heart any less when he got home from his own hero shift to see you trembling and holding your head with both hands, an unlit cigarette nestled between your shaky fingers. A lighter lay on the coffee table in front of you, seemingly forgotten but not really. Your sniffling was loud, and it pained Katsuki to hear it, as if with each sniffle the hand around his heart squeezed tighter and tighter.

“Y/n.” He doesn’t say or do much else, and neither do you. It’s quiet, save for your sniffling and occasional hiccups. Katsuki sighs, not out of frustration, not out of pity, and certainly not out of anger. Well, maybe there was a hint of anger, but it was not aimed at you. It was aimed at whosoever pushed the put-together, organized you to this habit which was giving you a run for its money. Quietly, he moves to sit next your trembling form, wrapped in the plush blanket you got him for his birthday last year. It smelled like him. No smoke, no ashes. Him.

“Just take deep breaths,” he says quietly, afraid to spook you, as he slowly brings up his arm to wrap around your shoulders and bring you close. You’re rigid. Stiff. And so unlike yourself. “Don’t feel bad, y/n. Stuff like this... it’s hard. There’s no such thing as perfection when it comes to recovery. No one gets it right on the first try.” It’s hard, rewiring your brain not to crave a certain substance, or anything else, really. Katsuki hasn’t dealt with this firsthand, but as a hero he’s seen enough to know no one gets it right on the first try; sometimes people slip up.

“People slip up. And that’s fine,” he continued softly. “They just need to push themselves back up and fight back even harder. I’m so fucking proud of you, alright? And you - you’re tough as hell, you know that?” He stops, as if to gauge your reaction. And react you do. You bury your head in his chest, dropping your hands to your lap without a word. Saying something is too much right now. The cigarette is still between your fingers, but Katsuki gently takes it from you and tosses it onto the table.

“Maybe you don’t realize it, but you are.” Katsuki pats your shoulder furthest from him, leaning down to whisper at you. “You’d have to be, to put up with me and my bullshit,” he jokes with a pinch to your cheek, and finally you chuckle with a wee grin. “No, seriously! I always leave the toilet seat up, I scream at the TV, I never put my laundry right into the hamper, and I always forget to wash dishes... I’m kinda hard to live with.”

“You also kick in your sleep,” you quip with a giggle, voice tiny and meek yet full of love and spunk.

“Ah hell, do I? See, the list goes on and on.”

You shake your head wistfully, your grin growing by the second, but then it leaves you for something sweeter, something quieter. “Thank you for helping me quit, Katsuki.” The gentle lilt in your voice is music to his ears, though he wouldn’t outright admit it.

He huffs at you playfully. “Aw, shaddup. With everything you put up with from me, I’d say we’re even.” He almost seems bashful at your thanking him. Maybe he is.

“No, not quite. You also walk around naked at the worst possible times.”

“Oh. Yeah. Sorry.”

You turn to look up at him, eyes gleaming - and not from tears. “My friend really didn’t need to see you walking around in your All Might boxers.”

He shrugs it off. “She should’ve knocked. And you shouldn’t have bought them as a gag gift, babe.” Katsuki flicks your nose gently, leaving you to you wrinkle it and recoil from him.

“Jerk!”

Shouto:

Damn paperwork.

His back hurt, his eyes burned, and his wrist was currently cramping.

Yet it was better than everything you dealt with on patrol earlier. He wasn’t sure how you made it back in one piece like you did.

With a yawn he decided that’s it, a break is most certainly due. So he’d go looking for you, maybe even just five minutes together would make him a new man. But he couldn’t find you. Oh. Shouto wasn’t panicked by any means, but he was in a hurry to find you. He knew if even after one relapse, no matter how short-lived, you would beat yourself up about it better than you do villains. Even if there was no need to. Relapse happens sometimes.

Finally, he found you in the alleyway behind the agency. And he found the cigarette. It was lit, snug between your lips and slowly developing ash. Your hand was so shaky, Shouto was worried something was medically wrong for a second before he realized himself. He called out to you, a hand reached out as he approached. You jumped in your skin, head jerking his way, one lone tear trail on your cheek. “Y/n, please put that out.”

You wipe your nose with the back of your hand unceremoniously, but it didn’t bother him. “I’m sorry,” you breathe. “It’s just- it’s hard. I feel like I’m trying to put myself back together, but I’m missing a piece. Does that make sense?”

Shouto looks at you gently. “It doesn’t matter if it makes sense to me,” he says clearly. “As long as you understand it and talk about what you’re feeling, I’m happy. Why don’t you tell me more about what you’re feeling right now? It helped last time.”

“Overwhelmed. I’m overwhelmed as fuck.” You suck in a breath and bring your fingers to your lips to pick at them rather than take a drag.

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Being a hero is hard work.” He’s being supportive. He understands; he’s a hero, too.

“With everything at home when I started... and being a hero...” your voice breaks, “pushing one down for the sake of the other and trying to hold myself together and quit... it sucks, Shouto.”

Your love’s eyebrows pull upward with worry. “I’m sorry, love. You always do your best, you do so well.”

You glance at him with tears in your eyes before dropping the cigarette to the ground and stomping it out with a drawn out sigh. That... actually felt nice. It hurt, too, but it was nice.

“I know I’ve said this before, but I want you to talk to me when you’re craving, okay?” Shouto’s hands grab yours, thumbs rubbing the back of your hand soothingly and slowly. “It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing. I want you to talk to me. I want to help.”

You nod quickly, unable to form words as tears well up and your lips fight against you to grimace. You wipe at your eyes with your free hand, sniffling all the while. You choke out a quiet “thank you,” and swallow thickly, only for Shouto to lean toward you and plant a kiss to your forehead before pulling you in for a warm hug in the cool alley.

“Dont thank me,” he whispers, squeezing you tight for emphasis. “It’s only natural I want to help you. I love you. All of you. No matter what.”

You nestle your cheek to his shoulder. “Even if I fuck up?”

“Are you kidding? Of course, y/n. I’ll always be so proud of you for fighting on.”

Eijirou:

“Hey, y/n-“

You blink at him, cigarette between your lips and lighter in your shaky hand. Your eyes are puffy and your cheeks are red. The flame of the lighter licked the cigarette but did not light it, and then suddenly died out as you pulled your thumb off the plate below the wheel. You reached up and closed the window of the bathroom before sitting back down on the side of the tub with your hands in your lap. “Please don’t be mad...”

The grin he wore just before he saw the cigarette faded. “Hey, I’m not mad.”

“I had a really bad day and... I dunno.” You looked down at your hands and the lighter and cigarette within them. “I just needed one. Just one. To deal with it.”

“But...” He hesitated, worried he’d come off too chiding. “Remember? ‘Just one’ turns into two, then three...”

You nod. “I know, I know, but...” Your sniffle hits his ears and it’s hard to hear.

“I’m not mad, or trying to be mean... I’m just worried.” Eijirou scratches the back of his head almost awkwardly. “Why don’t we go for a walk, yeah? Get some fresh air, too?”

You didn’t feel like it, but agree anyway. Eijirou doesn’t take you anywhere in particular, just walking and turning here and there when he felt like it, your hand in his all the while. You’re quiet the entire time, but he speaks enough for the both of you, talking about everything he sees or whatever a certain sight seems to remind him of. His hand squeezes yours every so often, as if to remind you that you don’t need to say anything, as long as you let him do this, let him distract you, let him help you - how ever you want to word it.

But suddenly he stops and turns to you, red eyes bright and gleaming. “Can I ask something selfish of you?” It’s sudden and unlike him to ask something like this.

You’re taken aback, but nod anyway.

“Any time you get the urge, any time you catch yourself reaching for a cigarette, will you promise me you’ll get out and take a walk?” Eijirou’s voice is quiet and soothing, yet you pick up concern. “Or just get up and walk around if you’d rather not go out. Please? Even if I’m not around...?”

You smile at him, his expression immediately relaxing upon seeing it. “Promise.”

“Good! I don’t know how well distraction would work, but maybe it’ll help.” He shrugs and continues walking again, pulling you with him. He had a point. Some fresh air did feel nice, and hearing the birds chirping as you walked by a small park was relaxing. That, mixed with the warm and kind hand of your lover, seemed to wash away the awful day you’d experienced. It was so soothing, you wondered why you hadn’t thought of this sooner.

With a sweet sigh, the tension in your shoulders dies downs an you relax, finally, for the first time in a while. This was Eijirou’s doing, certainly. This walk would only be half as pleasant without him, but you promised. Push comes to shove, you could go out for a coffee or snack break on your walk to keep yourself occupied.

“Hey, Eijirou.”

His hand squeezes yours before he turns to look at you. “Hm?”

“Thank you.”

He gives you a toothy, closed-eye grin. “O’ course, sweetheart!”

#mha #mha scenarios #mha x reader #bakugou x reader #todoroki x reader #kirishima x reader #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #kirishima eijirou #take care lovely! 🖤🤍🖤#I hope you enjoy these!!

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hyperfixationtimego · 3 years

Note

Alright we’re trying this angst thing again

Diamond Brothers Angst because I said so

Both Daiya and Mondo have huge self esteem issues bc of the crash

Both think stuff along the lines of what the fuck I could have prevented that

Neither Daiya nor Mondo can sleep very well because when they hear vehicles driving past and the occasional screeching tires they’re back at the scene of the accident

They hear a semi truck rumbling past? Suddenly neither of the brothers remember how to move or breathe properly

They both survived the crash but they were both injured severely bc fuck dude that was a truck that hit them

The Crazy Diamonds witnessed the whole thing and they were Worried™️

And we all know how the Owadas hate being vulnerable

Neither of the brothers could actively ride their motorcycles for a long time after the crash because they couldn’t handle it emotionally

They played off their mental recovery time as time in the hospital

Daiya made Mondo promise not to get back on his motorcycle, much less the road, until he was 100% sure that he was prepared to handle it because what if there’s another freak accident that neither of them have control over

Mondo made Daiya promise the exact same thing because He Cares™️

Mondo has reoccurring nightmares about the crash and often sees Daiya dead in those nightmares

The gang shows up in the nightmares too and they’ve all been hit and it’s all Mondo’s fault and he couldn’t be a good leader because he wasn’t strong enough and why couldn’t he just be more like his brother god fucking dammit

Sometimes he sees Taka or Chihiro in place of Daiya and the Diamonds and that Absolutely Terrifies Him™️

Daiya has reoccurring thoughts about hijacking a truck to hit the driver who hurt him and his little brother

He wants them to feel all the same pain and more that they put the Diamond Brothers through

Daiya has breakdowns over this because even if he is a gang leader, he would not go that far

cue the Am I A Bad Person Complex™️

Mondo does not let himself stim

He doesn’t think it’s manly and it definitely doesn’t fit the Tough Guy™️ act

This leads to worsened focus and next thing you know he and Daiya are having a yelling match at home because if Mondo’s grades drop any lower he’ll be expelled soon and Daiya just wants the best for his brother but nothing works out the way it was planned

One time Mondo received a popsicle stick and paper heart from Taka

He was extremely happy

When he got back to his dorm he was that happy that he was shaking and then oh shit

Mondo broke it

He snapped the popsicle sticks in half

the note that Taka wrote,, it got ripped in the process

Mondo full on sobbed over this for an hour at the least

Actual

Real

Tears

He broke something that Taka— not just his bf, but his best friend— had worked so hard on to make just for him and he fucking broke it like a shit for brains idiot

Mondo is terrified of hurting his friends

Because what if he forgets to take his adhd meds one day and his emotional dysregulation is all fucked up and he has an outburst again and actually hurts his friends

Or what if he takes 2+ doses by accident and focuses too hard and is left staring at one (1) spot and everyone hates him and what if they think he’s a creep

Mondo hates going out of his dorm at night because what if someone else is out and they have a flashlight and now they’re pointing it at him and it’s bright and those are headlights and that’s

that’s his brother

on the ground

not moving

Mondo will start shaking and he’ll break down hyperventilating or freeze on the spot

Either way, he hates being vulnerable

Whaddaya think? :D was that enough angst?

also can you tell that i kin Daiya on the dl bc i too got hit by a moving vehicle to save my young mer sibling from being hit /lh but also srs lmfo

HEY TINK??? HEY TINK????????

GodDAMN make me cry over this shit oKAY-

also sorry this took ✨forever✨ I had to gather my Thoughts™️ and my brain did not want to work today 😌

also before we get into my things, tw for trauma (obviously), unhealthy coping mechanisms, underage smoking/drug relapse/smoking as a crutch, and suicidal ideation (passive, but still there)

First of all, y e a h oh my god?? There is literally so much internalized guilt for both of them,,,,,like they rlly do have episodes sometimes where they just. Play over the events of what lead up to the crash in their heads and fixate on what they could have done differently,,,,,even though in the moment they both did their best? Like “well, I shouldn’t have taken us down this street” or “if I had acted quicker, maybe it wouldn’t have happened” and.....yeah those thoughts really fuck with them, y’know?

and 100% that unexpected/overwhelming vehicle noises and/or presences are nearly debilitating. Honestly, I imagine that Mondo can’t go hang out with Leon and Taka or whoever else if said people are hanging out in Kaz’s workshop. Owada’s only ever been in there once and immediately had to leave when he heard Kazuichi starting an engine he was working on. Not to mention being surrounded by a shit ton of vehicles, even if they were idle, had kept him on-edge the entire thirty seconds he was able to handle it.

They both deal with a lot of phantom pain, as well. Like something triggers them and suddenly, even if they’re able to remain in the moment and keep conscious of their surroundings, they somehow feel every ache, every twinge of pain, every breaking bone, or bruised patch of skin that they felt on that day. It’s a lot more prominent in Daiya than it is with Mondo, but they do both experience it!

And neither one lets the other know when they’re feeling like shit or having an episode because 😌 Daiya. wants to be strong. for his little brother. and Mondo. sees his brother basically functioning like a typical person. and figures that there’s something wrong with him. because he can’t get over what happened.

Takemichi is absolute shit with Emotions and being vulnerable or getting people to open up to him, but he’s like..........internally these bitches are Not Okay what the fuck am I supposed to do about it???? So he kind of...tries to hint to both of them that he’s worried? Without making it obvious or embarrassing them, but he’s like.......fuck these assholes.......making me be the one to make them realize they need help goddamnit........

And michi exhibiting a change in behavior is pretty 👀 because. it’s michi I mean he’s not just gonna change the way he talks in front of u for nothing, u know? So both Daiya and Mondo are actually able to pick up on it, although their reactions differ pretty greatly.

Like Daiya’s first thought is “wow, he’s worried, that’s really sweet of him. Better convince him everything’s okay.”

Meanwhile Mondo’s is “wow, he’s worried. my stupid emotional turmoil is that obvious. he must think I’m some sorta fuckin idiot for not being able to get over it. or selfish. or both. yeah, probably both.”

Also I think Daiya’s pretty perceptive in general? Like he can Tell™️ that something’s going on with his brother, but........yeah emotional conversations....vulnerability......that’s rlly neither of their strong suits. + he also figures that if it were something mondo were really really really having trouble with, he would come talk to him!

And so Daiya has absolutely no concept of just how Not Good his brother is doing right now hbbvvvv

So he settles for being like “I’m just gonna stay strong and act like the memories and intrusive thoughts aren’t affecting me in any way because I want to be a good role model” (which. is not healthy obv)

oh g o d the nightmares

they are so horrible and vivid and concentrated at times that Mondo simply.....refuses to sleep. He’s exhausted, both mentally and physically, and yet he can’t bring himself to close his eyes because he knows what he’ll see if he does.

And of course it affects him to the point that his friends start to become worried. Like Taka notices a stark increase in tardiness or general absences, and, after an initial assumption that it was simply Mondo choosing not to care about his academics again, realized that there was probably a lot more going on than he realized. He really, really wanted to bring it up and let his boyfriend know that he’ll always be there for him no matter what, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to articulate it properly. The farthest he gets is with the question, “is everything okay?”

And as much as Mondo wants to respond to him by saying that no, in fact, everything is not okay, everything sucks and everything hurts and he’s tired and he hates himself and sometimes he wishes that the crash had killed him, but that’s selfish so he should shut up- he just.....can’t bring himself to open himself up like that. Yes, he and Ishi are dating, so logically he should be able to tell him all this, but.....it’s so much. It’s too much. Too much to think, too much to feel, let alone try to explain. So he shuts himself up with a quick, curt, “Yeah.”

And....Taka knows he’s lying. He’s not sure how he knows, but he does. And it hurts to see someone he loves so much in such a state of anguish, and basically be unable to do anything about it because....how is he supposed to respond? What is he supposed to say? Navigating everyday interaction is difficult enough without having to improv something that could affect his partner’s mental health indefinitely. So....he does his best. Which isn’t enough, really, but it’s something.

“You can tell me anything.”

Mondo wants to believe him.

—

Another side of that same coin is Mondo skipping class a lot more than is typical for him. It’s almost always with Leon, but he’s also begun slipping away on his own, occasionally, as well, now.

And....y’know, at first, Leon thought it was super rad that Owada and he were skipping more! Like it used to be that Kuwata would offer for them to miss the next class, and Mondo’s usual answer would be ‘not today,’ and then Leon would keep bugging him about it until Mondo either gave in or told him to fuck off.

But....there’s just something about how it went from Leon being constantly shut down, to being told yes around the first few times the idea was brought up, to how, suddenly, Kuwata wasn’t even the one asking, anymore. It’s....depressing? Uncomfortable?

There’s also the fact that hanging out while they’re cutting just....isn’t as fun as it used to be? Leon’ll crack jokes or come up with stupid dares, and Mondo’s responses will be noncommittal at best. And Leon’s had enough experience with sleep deprivation to know it in his friends when he sees it.

He’s never been put in this situation before - usually it’s kuwata having some sort of stupid episode and usually it’s owada who’ll tell him to chill the fuck out and think rationally about things, but....Mondo acts a lot different when he’s upset than Leon does. He smokes more. Cuts himself off from everyone. Doesn’t engage with anything.

It’s different with people like Toko, or Makoto, or Kaz, because Leon knows what they need. He knows whether or not they need vulnerability, or a physical presence, or tough love, or tactile grounding, or a willing ear or shoulder to cry on, but with Mondo......he just isn’t sure.

So Leon doesn’t comment.

——-

Chihiro’s probably the one to get him to open up about it ngl.

ANYWAY-

y e a h Daiya intrusive thoughts?????? fuck yeah???? absolutely??????

god yeah I rlly feel him on that ngl hbhdbdbdbbb

and MONDO DARLING 🥺

god okay it SUCKS because????? he doesn’t judge his friends for stimming????? Like he sees his friends fidgeting or repeating phrases or rocking back and forth and he’s like???? Hell yeah you go u funky kid ilysm

But when it comes to himself????? he’s like if I do anything aside from stay perfectly still, I’m weird and bad and a failure so I simply Will Not

he’s wrong but it doesn’t change the fact that he feels that way ❤️

hhhvhvvdd I’m also a slut for daiya doing his best as a makeshift parental figure,,,,,,,like fuck dude okay,,,,,,as an older sibling who also loves and cares about their younger sibs but often finds emotionally connecting with them to be difficult,,,,,,,,,mood??? And having all of that amplified by rlly being his younger bro's only support in his home life,,,,,,,like ok mr. owada go off

he feels a lot of pressure to get it right and make sure that Mondo's doing okay, so the grades really worry him. but, of course, grades are a touchy subject with mondo regardless, so as u said it devolves into arguments and yelling and a lot of defensiveness!!

and god okay,,,,,,,the heart rlly got me,,,,,,,like that hurt. it rlly hurt man okay damn

honestly??? I think that might be the thing that gets him to break. like that might be his final straw.

because when they meet up again, Ishi asks him about it and whether or not he liked it. And Mondo just.

fucking.

breaks.

down.

He’s shaking and he’s crying and there’s snot running down his nose and this is so ugly and so not manly but he can’t stop. he can’t stop. Because there is this sweet, gentle, kind, sweet, beautiful, darling, sweet man before him who did something so nice for him, something he didn’t deserve, and he destroyed it.

Like he destroys everything.

And so when Taka panics and asks him what’s wrong (yes Ishi gets worried that he did something bad and yes ishi also gets worried that his boyfriend didn’t like the present because hdbdvdvd kin 💛) owada just. spills everything. and he doesn’t even begin with the gift??? he starts with apologies upon apologies, many of them incoherent, and many of them with Mondo not even certain what he’s apologizing for, just that he knows he needs to

and ofc Taka is like o-o because wow ok

but after his initial shock, and after Mondo has thoroughly cried himself out and explained everything he could stand to explain at that point in time, Taka just......holds him. And strokes his face, brushing away the tears that have not yet dried, simply offering his body as a weight, as something for Mondo to ground himself with. And it works.

And Taka insists that Mondo has nothing to apologize for, only that he wishes Mondo would have told him what was going on sooner. Because he wants to help. And hearing that just gets Owada’s waterworks going all over again, but he’s still got Ishi there with him. He hasn’t scared him off.

And it’s more than enough.

—

and UGH yeah????? yes absolutely absolutely okay okay so,,,,,,,,mondo comorbid adhd/depression/anxiety

like sir 🤝

got me fucked up smh

honestly he’s probably not diagnosed with the depression or anxiety, either, until something like the incident with ishi prompts him to realize oh wow I’m not okay actually

so yes he 100% does???

he constantly has all of these what if situations swirling around in his brain about what might happen if he fucks up, or does something that he doesn’t qualify as fucking up in the moment, but leads to something awful or painful or harmful for someone else, and he’s just??????? g o d

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sweetaesuga · 4 years

Text

nothing feels better than this | 02

pairing: jungkook x female reader

genre: angst, fluff, established relationship, parent au, dad jungkook, mom reader!

warnings: language, implied drug abuse, drug usage

word count: 2.2k

other part: 01

a/n: decided to finish this since i’m literally stuck on man of money :/// original ending was going to be angsty af, sorry if this is shitty🤧

It was nearing three in the morning and still no sign of him. Slumber wasn't going to overtake you anytime soon, not when his body was missing next to yours. Regardless of the stubby one replacing it, you weren't dozing off as you desired. Not to mention, your messages were still unseen by him.

He was ignoring you and honestly, you weren't shocked one bit. Ever since the baby was born he vanished every weekend then came back with no explanation about his whereabouts. When you would try to ask him, he would leave again with no hesitation and no answer.

Jungkook simply didn't want to be contacted by you. You would only remind him of how mortified he should be from his actions. That's the last thing he needed, as if he wasn't feeling guilty enough for being at a party and sniffing cocaine instead of sleeping next to you and his baby. He was over the moon however, something he hasn't felt since he knocked you up.

As long as he ignored your texts, he wouldn't feel a single ounce of shame.

It was almost four when he sensed the couch sunk down besides him. Still, he doesn't turn to see who it is, his mind too gone to even care. They called out his name twice, practically screaming into his ear. He turned, eyes immediately focusing on the mint hair before his face.

"Why the fuck are you here?" Yoongi seemed livid by his presence. Then Jungkook remembered that he never wanted to see him around here again, the second he had told him the reason you weren't going to be joining them anymore. "Does Y/N know you're here?" Jungkook shook his head, grimacing at your name. He sulked and reached for the beer resting on the coffee table filled with white powder, needles, and drinks but Yoongi stopped him.

"You fucking kidding me right? You can't be doing this shit anymore! You have a kid at home!" Jungkook whined from how deafening Yoongi sounded. "You promised her you wouldn't do this anymore."

There we go. The regret was fading away, just for it to settle back in. He shouldn't have came here in the first place, he needs to find somewhere else to go. Yoongi would never be able to get off his back especially with the bond you two developed during your time here.

"I know I did! Fuck, you don't have to remind me every second," He stood up and shoved Yoongi away. It caused him to stumble back a bit but he regained his balance. "I already feel like fucking shit for doing this behind her back."

"Then why do you keep doing this to her? She doesn't deserve this, Jungkook, both of them don't deserve this!" Yoongi chased after him, pushing people aside. His fingers curled around his palm, longing for them to be around Jungkook's throat. Yoongi caught a hold of his arm before he can go any further past the front door. His grip was too tight for Jungkook to escape which forced him to stand there. "She’ll leave you. You're always disappointing her."

Yoongi ticked him off even more. As if he needed a reminder that you were being lied to by the person you've loved the most.

"You did this to me! If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be like this!" Yoongi brushed aside the pang in his heart when Jungkook said that. Although he was told that on many occasions because he was a drug lord after all, it never stung him the way it did now.

"But you did this to her. If it wasn't for your dumbass, she would've never gone through what she has been through. If you didn't play with her fucking feelings, she wouldn't have had an addiction too. You fucked that poor girl up and you're still fucking doing it," Yoongi took a step closer. Despite being a little bit shorter and not holding a lot of muscle unlike Jungkook, he was still daunting. "Come here again and you'll have a bullet in your fucking head." Yoongi released him, knocking him down to the pavement. He slammed the door behind him.

Jungkook was quiet for a minute. He wanted to cry but couldn't manage to spill any tears out. He sighed, watching a puff of smoke come out of his mouth.

He would have to ask you to pick him up, his ride was still in the house that he was just threatened to not step a foot in. His fingers are shaking when he pulled out his phone to text you. He couldn't tell whether it was from the coldness or his distress.

jk🖤: pick me up please

jk🖤: [Current Location]

You were not furious, if anything you were upset. The second he sent his location, your heart practically dropped. Too many upsetting memories were tied to that place. Jungkook picked up on this right away the second he entered the car.

Even when you saw his enlarged pupils which can only indicate one thing in these circumstances, you don't say a word to him.

He heard the movement in the back. Jungkook turned to catch a glimpse of the car seat, faced away from him. His daughter kicking away, unaware of the issue that her parents are undergoing.

By the red light, he was on the verge of tears. His palms were sweaty and he wanted nothing more than his little girl to wrap her tiny fingers around his pinkie while you hold his other hand. You don't pay attention to his state, too engrossed in your own thoughts.

"I'm sorry," he doesn't know who he was aiming his apology to. His daughter or you."I just can't do this anymore," his sobs become louder as he continued.

Finally for the first time that night, his eyes wandered over to you. You were barely covered, your thin tank top and shorts were not doing a good job fighting off the cold, and with tired sunken eyes it seemed as if life was drained out of you. He was probably right. With a seven month baby and a boyfriend who was gone half of the time, of course it would look like you were dead.

He saw you hesitate to reach over to him. "What do you mean?" your voice was shaky but he doesn't mind. It doesn't necessarily compel him to hold you as it usually should. He carried this urge to not get near you or else it would send him into meltdown. "Jungkook?" you called out, eyes darting back and forth.

God, sometimes he wished you could just understand him. He was never good at explaining himself, sometimes he can get misunderstood.

Jungkook became enraged with himself. "I can't stay clean!" he screamed, catching you off guard. The car jerked a little from his outburst but that was the least thing you were bothered about. Your daughter, who was startled by her father yelling, began to cry in the back.

Jungkook's head throbbed as he cried harder, same way the baby in the back was too. You pulled over on the road, realizing you were unable to drive with the two of them bawling their eyes out. He curled himself in a ball in the small seat, body gluing onto the car door, far away as possible from the two of you.

You unbuckled your seatbelt, reaching over for your baby. Her mouth was wide open, pouring out sobs. Jungkook glanced over to take a peek of her. She's dressed the complete opposite of you. She was in her warm yellow polka dots pijamas, a little beanie clutched in her hands. He figured she must have taken off in frustration since she doesn't enjoy accessories on her head.

She came across the sight of him, blinking before grasping that he was truly in front of her. The pacifier was shoved in her mouth to silence her cries. Jungkook's eyesight grew vague as he cried again. "I can't do it anymore. Yoongi was right," his head was hidden behind his palms once again. Your eyebrows furrowed at the mention of your old friend. "You both don't deserve this! I'm always going to let the both of you down."

You ignored the saliva that dropped down onto your chest and placed the pacifier back in her mouth. Jungkook appeared so fragile in the corner of the car. "What are you talking about? Of course you can do it," you inhaled for a second, trying to hold yourself together while rubbing your baby's back. "Don't do this to her, please."

He shook his head and pressed himself further into the door once he heard a cry escape your mouth. "I don't want to, Y/N, but fuck, I just can't seem to get better," his voice cracked as he weeped in his seat.

"When did you relapse?" Your guess was that this wasn't the first time he was back at Yoongi's place. You're too afraid to know but it had to be asked. When he doesn't say anything, you try again. "Talk to me, please. Just tell me the truth, I won't yell at you or anything like that."

Jungkook's eyes bounced back and forth between his daughter and you. One final glance at her and he was speaking. "Like, fuck, maybe when you were seventeen weeks along I started using again," he looked down at his shoes away from your glum expression. "It was only a little bit then she was born and I just—shit I'm really sorry," your hand extended out but he neglected it. "Everyone was right about me. Your friends, Yoongi, your parents. Maybe you should go with them."

You knew what he meant. When your parents grasped onto the idea that their only daughter was pregnant by her druggie boyfriend, as they would call him, they were fuming and gave you an ultimatum. Leave him and they'll help you look after her or stay with him and throw your whole life away.

He felt crushed when you stayed silent. It was obvious that you would choose the first one. The two of you weren't going to do the best financially especially with a baby on the way.

What shocked him was when you cried a few seconds after. He has never seen you cry like this. Unlike when you tried the same unknown drug as him to impress him and later cried because the sensation was unfamiliar. Unlike when he fought with another man and you tried to stop him before the police showed up. Unlike when he took your virginity in the back of the filthy bar and ignored you for weeks. Unlike when he made you so upset with the girl around his arms, you wished you never met him then ran back to him.

You cried to your parents that you loved him so much that you couldn't let him go, even if it meant that they'll disown you.

Jungkook never knew that you felt about him that way. You loved him and wanted to be with him no matter what. He didn't know what to say to that. I mean, you weren't a fling. As soon as he called you his girlfriend he made you the only girl in his life, that was it. But he never imagined spending the rest of his life eternally bound to you.

Truth be told, he adored the idea.

So Jungkook tried for you. Your first suggestion was to check himself to rehab, something Jungkook just flat out refused but managed to stay sober for couple of months then he relapsed. He doesn't remember why he did it.

"I'm not going to my parents so they could remind me for the rest of my life about my mistakes. And I know you could do it, Jungkook," you sounded so determined it made him even more miserable. Your daughter nuzzled her face in your neck, locking eyes with her father. "You just need to get professional help."

You watched his shoulders shake and stuck your hand out to touch him. Jungkook refused to believe it.You could not be possibly be recommending that he go to rehab. Anything but that. "Not rehab, I don't want to go to rehab, please."

"Jungkook, do it for yourself. You really need to go. You can't keep doing this for the rest of your life. What happens if something happens to you? I will never be able to forgive myself for not trying," he leaned back in his chair. His daughter's chubby fingers outstretched towards him, eager to be in his arms. Jungkook took her from you and laid her on his lap. "We’ll be there every step of the way."

"What happens if I don't?"

"Then," you stopped yourself to think. You blinked, attempting to get rid of your tears. "I'm sorry Jungkook but I will leave you. I can't have her growing up with an environment like this, it's not okay," you stared at his side, admiring his nose that your daughter inherited. "I want the best for the both of us."

A replica of his doe eyes shined back at him in curiosity. He didn't think of much as she did. It wasn't until he turned to peek at you, is when he made his decision.

THE TEASER PHOTOS WERE WISKSJSKEK YES SIRRRRRR

#bts angst #bts fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook imagine #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook drabble #jungkook fluff #jungkook scenario #jungkook fiction #jungkook au #jungkook x y/n #bts drabble #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x you #bts fiction

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