more phoenix wright situations

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It really pisses me off how often public schools ban stim toys.

Almost everyone stims, it isnt just a neurodivergent thing. Neurotypicals and neurodivergents stim, neurodivergents just do it more and in more obvious ways.

Personally, I need to stim with something physical nearly always. Sure, I stim by rocking, flapping, etc. but most of the time I need something in my hands or my brain blocks everything out and I eventually cry because of how icky I feel. If I can't write a damn tumblr post without taking a break every 15 seconds to fiddle with a tangle or my hoodie strings while I hum noises relating to every word I've already typed just so I can write another sentence, I sure as hell can't sit and listen to an hour of information on something I don't even care about without a stim toy/tool.

This is why I hate the fidget trend so much. Yes, it makes stim toys more available, but it also gets them banned in schools because someone who doesn't even benifit from them cant stop being distracted by them. And then suddenly, everyone "must be distracted by them".

Back when I was still in public school, I used this sensory braclet a lot (I still have it, but I care more about fashion nowadays than I did back then, and it doesnt match with anything, plus it barely helps anymore, so I dont really use it.) that was very clearly a sensory thing. It's orange with silicone prickles all over it. It wasn't a distraction. It was just something I ran my fingers over in class. Well, suddenly its being taken away and nobody will tell me why. Anyone want to guess what happened? Yeah. I had a panic attack a few minutes later (I dont expect much else from that teacher to be honest. One time she threw away my art project because I folded it wrong even though it's been known and on my file since about 1st grade that I have motor issues. And no, she didn't let me retry. I just had to sit there, made to feel terrible because I FOLDED SOMETHING WRONG!).

Hi, can you do a (fic?) scaramouche x camgirl!reader where they know eachother in art class (highschool AU)

Ily and your posts!!<33

(Its okay, if you're not comfortable with writing this)

WHORE!

I LOVED THIS OMG OMG IM SO SORRY IF IT SUCKS THO I RUSHED IT A LOT!!

Contents: Blackmail, Dubcon, Degrading, Shy reader, Mean scara as it goes on.

ALL CHARATERS IN THIS ARE 18+

The bell rang snapping you up from your daydreams you were having about one of your friends, Scaramouche. You've always been curious about him, sure you both were friends but you always felt that there wa so much more to him than you knew.

You rushed to your last period of class which was art. You almost instantly sprang up remembering that he was in your class and that you both sat next to eachother. You walked into your class spotting Scaramocuhe facing the window. His face resting in his hand.

"Hey Scara!" you said taking a seat next to him. "Hi." He replied with a cold tone. A slight tint of blush covering his face "Huh? are you ok Scaramouche? You seem really flustered." You said with a hint of concern in your tone. "I'm fine. Its just really warm." He muttered grabbing some art supplies and working on a drawing.

You simply ignored it working on the drawing that the teacher instructed you to work on. Suddenly you broke the tense silence.

"Did something happen scaramouche? You can always tell me if something happened." You put your hands on his arm trying to comfort him. His heart swelled at your words.

He smiled softly "Lets walk to my house. I'll tell you there ok?"

You eagerly nodded your head. Constantly checking the time till school ended. As soon as the bell rang you almost shoved everything in your bag and waited for him at the door. You guys walked seemingly to his house. He stopped to open his front door,

Wondering what could be so important that he had to tell you in secret.

“I’ve seen them, Your videos.” He walked closer towards you. Your face drained pale. Thoughts racing through your head.

"H-huh? What videos..?" You tried to play dumb, Although Scaramouche saw through the poor facade you put up.

"Dont play dumb, Doing filthy things for other people." He sneered pressing in front of you as your back hit the wall. “I won't show anyone if, you let me fuck you.” He smirked. Eyes piercing into yours.

"Hu-Wait W-Wha." You tripped over your words.

“You don’t really have a choice love, Unless you want the whole school to see some of your lewd videos.” His gaze made you feel trapped and bare to him. “I wonder how the college you wanna go too would react too this.” That statement made you freeze.

"Wait scaramouche no! don-" He cut you off.

“You should think twice princess." He said, His hands caressing your shoulders trailing down your body so soothingly it made you almost forget about the situation you were in. He slowly fondled your breast throughout your shirt, rolling your nipples through his fingers.

He removed his hands from your body whining at the los of touch. "Strip." He spat removing some of his clothes. You rushed to take some off. You tried to cover some parts of your body that your undergarments couldn't cover.

"Don't be shy love, you don't seem shy showing your body off to strangers now do you?"

He said against your neck. Slowly biting and sucking your neck. Trailing down towards your breast. “Bet people tell you all the time about how pretty your body is.”

He said looking up at you for a response.

“M-mhm.” you hummed. As he shoved his hands into your panties to remove them and softly rubbing your clit. "God, you're soaked" Slipping his fingers into your cunt.

"What a whore."

He spat, Your cunt clenched around his fingers. "Heh, someone liked that, didn't they?" He teased. You shook your head out of embarrassment, trying to deny the obvious. "Scara.. come on, please." You begged. "Please what love? Tell me." He cooed.

"Fuck me please scaramouche. Need you." You pleaded loudly.

He chuckled, leading you on the couch. "Go on your hands and knees love" He ordered you. You followed his command almost instantly.

He aligned himself to your hole and slowly pushed in. You winced at the pain when he finally bottomed out. "You can move now." You whispered under your breath but just enough for him to hear it.

He started thrusting fastly into you. The only sounds hard from the room was the intense sound of skin slapping and panting coming from both of you..

"You dont know how l-long I've wanted to fuck you." He groaned pulling your hair, forcing you to arch your back.

" 's too much S-Scara!" You squealed, tears welling up in your eyes from the mix of pleasure and pain "Quit your whining bitch. You can take it." He mumbled gripping at more of your hair to hold on as he harshly thrusted into you.

"It's s-such a shame that others have seen your body, but none of them will e-ever be able to feel your tight pussy around me. He said almost smugly. ,"N-No one else! Yours Scara!!" You spewed.

"Thats fuckin right. You're mine. M'gonna breed you and keep you as mine."

The statement made you clench around him. "F-Fill me up S-Scara!" you moaned. Choked sobs emerging from your throat from him rubbing your clit.

Feeling your orgasm reaching you squealed and shut your eyes. "C-Close please,please" You babbled incoherently till you felt your orgasm crashing down upon you. Feeling him release inside of you with a grunt.

✨🎧🌆ROTTMNT DONATELLO HEADCANONS🌆🎧✨

made by me! candy! :3 no major spoilers

A quick guide!✨

💜 - Supported by canon (things that are pretty sure out there, maybe not confirmed 100% but yeah)

❤ - Kind of supported by canon (things that happened in the series that miiiight lead to some other stuff)

🧡 - My source is that I made it the fuck up (still trying to fit it into the character tho)

⭐ - Not sure if I'm taking this headcanon or not, but I do think It's pretty neat

💋 - Kinky! DISCLAIMER: Ive always seen the rottmnt boys (and April) in the age group from 17 to 19 and thats what I headcanon them as (as it is my own age group!). Ive seen the show and was fucking sure theyre my age and then a month or two later I was slapped in the face with thier actual age lol. I dont support any pedo shit, I also dont think minors can consent. Just putting it out there

Lets go!🌆💜🎧⭐✨

The 'Tism

• 💜 I think Its pretty fucking obvious that this boy is autistic, pretty much everything in the show supports this.

• ❤ Donny's headgear also works as noise cancelling headphones! He's often overwhelmed by background sounds and his gear makes it easier for him to live his life (either on missions or just spending time with his brothers and/or April). He still loves blasting his music on the highest volume tho. It's different when you consent to hearing your jams then when several people are talking at once and youre going crazy.

Tagging as kind of canon because he might have audio sensory issues because of his autism and you can reraly see him without the damn googles.

Different stims

❤ Foot stomping

❤ Hand flapping

🧡 Repeating a song/part of song over and over (yes, even if it has no words)

❤ Spinning on chairs

🧡 Pacing around the lab/the lair

• 💜 He knows ASL! Though It's never said in the show why he learned it, I believe that because he goes nonverbal often. Everyone in the lair can sign a bit because of that, but not everybody is too good at it. Donatello can communicate in ASL fluently.

Gender

• 🧡 Donatello never really felt connected to being "a men" and categorising things as "for boys" and "for girls" always seemed dumb to him. Shortly after Leo's coming out as a trans men (SURPRISE LEO HEADCANON) he went to talk to him about his gender experience. After some thinking and digging, Don came to the conclusion that he is in fact nonbinary. He still uses mostly male pronounces but always appreciates gender neutral pronounces coming his way.

Sexuality

• 🧡 While realising his own gender he also figured out that he doesn't really sees gender that seriously in others either. Men or women, its pretty much whatever to him. He doesn't like to label himself much when it comes to his sexuality, he accepts reffering to him as a pansexual or bisexual.

• 🧡 When it comes to dating Donatello doesn't imagine himself with anyone, really. He finds himself attractive, but doesn't think anyone would fancy him in a romantic way. He's not interessted much in dating either way. But he doesn't exclude dating someone in the future. It's just he won't go out of his way to look for love.

• ❤/🧡 Its obvious Don is a men of science, he's a genius when it comes to coding, math, engineering, I would say chemistry as well. Thats the field he feels the most comfortable in, but he loves learning new things in general. As long as there is interesting knowledge he can obtain, he will be there, soaking it like a sponge. He likes listening to info dumps, and probably listens to long ass video essays and/or podcasts.

• 🧡 Don likes to learn about others people hobbys and takes interest in learning about it. He likes showing others that he cares about something, even though Its something totally indifferent to him. For example, he knows lot about art making process from Mikey (Angelo even made him paint with him a couple of times!) even tho he doesn't really likes drawing and/or famous artists. No many people appreciate his work so he wants to show his appreciation to others.

• 💜 He is pretty low empathy most of the time. It's hard for him to relate to others, and can often feel like someone is overreacting. It's also challenging for him to put his feelings "out there". Which often makes him look unloving or unfriendly. And it couldn't be farther from the truth. He loves his brothers even though they bother him most of the time. And he loves April as well (though she never really troubled him much). He never really thinks that his low empathy is a flaw (more often he thinks about it as a blessing) but there rare are moment when he feels helpless because of it. He is glad that his family knows that he truly cares about them (and accepts any effort he puts in to express his feelings, even if it seems small).

• 🧡⭐ I've seen people headcanoning Donny as a baker and honestly I like it a lot. Cooking is Mikeys domain, and it suits him well, as it allows a lot of freestyling and just overall feeling. Baking and pastry making is very calculated and one miatake can ruin the whole thing. It reminds Don of engineering in a sense. Also baking is an easy way to get love and appreciation from his family because, cmon, he just made the most angelic fruit tarts in the whole universe, of course they're going to praise him. It also works as a stress relief. When feeling stumped and/or overwhelmed over a project or a situation he'll make something easy like brownies to get his mind of it.

• 🧡 He's very sentimental. He loves receiving gifts and will cherish and use them (even if he doesn't like it). He still has every "gamers dont die they respawn" Tshirt and every "dont fuck with my brother he was born in october and has autism" mug. Sometimes he REALLY wants to throw something away but god damn it this is painting Mikey did when he was ten and is just five splats of paint and thinking about him somehow finding out and crying about it might destroy him forever.

• 🧡⭐ This bitch reads fanfics, thats it. It started when he was around 13 or smth with Atomic Lass x Reader and now he knows all the fanfic lingo. He still might read something from time to time and writes very long and well written comments (with constructive criticism).

• 🧡 Speaking of which, Don writes perfect sentences while texting. All the correct spelling and punctuation. He also communicates with emojis and gifs like a millenial.

Food, TW: drinking!

• 🧡 He has a rather strong head, you cant make him drunk that easily. But when it finally happens, youre in for a ride. Shutting him up is near impossible, he will talk non-stop but with much less eloquence then while sober. Its extremely easy to make him laugh, so Leo absolutely loves it. He often looses track of what hes saying and starts completely different rant. Overall a chaotic mess. Really fun to witness it at least once. His beverage of choice is either fun cocktails or beer (tho rarely and/or only with some kind of juice because he doesn't like the fizziness on his tongue).

• 🧡 And that takes us to Donatello that hates fizzy drinks. He hates carbonated beverages, no matter if its cola or champagne. The feeling on his tongue and in his mouth makes him really uncomfortable. When there is no other choice but to drink up some bubbless, he leaves it open for as long as he can to get rid of them. His brothers despise him for that.

• 🧡 He doesn't like weird food combos either and is rather picky. When ordering food Don sticks to what he knows not to risk an uncomfortable texture touching his mouth. Texture is the most often reason for him not liking a specific food. Donnys pretty strict to preparing food as well (the way he does a thing is The Correct Way and no other exception is acceptable). Also he puts milk first so his cereal doesn't get soggy.

• 🧡 I feel like he likes fruit juices in boxes and fruit mousses but this is pretty random 🤷

• ❤/🧡 He wears contacts! We've seen little Donny with glassess, so I assumed he wears contacts now. When he knows he will be spending all day in the lair (for example because of an injury) he still has a pair of glassess he uses. And yes, he tapes them to the head. Because he rarely ever wears them, he never came up with a solution for not having ears and needing glassess.

• 🧡 ABSOLUTELY hates smoking. Will go on a rant if he sees someone he knows smoking. He absolutely despises the smell and WILL take it out of someones mouth/hand and throw it away. Appreciates the fun smells of vapes but still hates them. Will call vapers losers (maybe not exacly in these words but he will for sure).

• 🧡 Really good at makeup, but not as good as Leo is (ANOTHER SURPRISE LEO HEADCANON). He spend years perfecting his eyebrows of course. He also wears eyeliner because serving cunt is important even on the battlefield. From time to time you can see his nails painted as well.

• 🧡⭐ While being flustered or simply distracted he stutters a lot, mostly in a way of repeating whole words or parts of a sentence ("Its good because- Its good- Its good because I um- Its good-")

• 🧡 Enjoys taking very long baths, and actually prefers them much more then showers. Can stay underwater for a rather long time as well!! Being fully submerged calms him down a lot and its overall very relaxing for him.

• 🧡⭐ Ive seen a lot of takes that without his battle shell, he is really flexible (due to having a soft shell). And I like the idea. I think, that before sitting infront of a screen (or a desk in general) to do his work for several hours he stretches deeply so his back won't be so sore later. Also a reason to draw Donny in yoga poses and thats always cool.

• ❤ Makes up shit to fuck with his brothers. Like just spreading misinformation and gaslighting them for shit and giggles. Or to get them to leave him alone for a while. Also will gaslight them if they somehow find out that he was lying ("what? you must have heard me wrong then 🙄💅")

• 💜/❤ Loves singing and dancing!!! Aint the best singer (tho I love his songs in the show Im kissing him as we speak) but is a gorgeous dancer! He finds it incredibly fun and feels fabulous while doing it. Also Im pretty sure dancing counts as stimming so add it to the list. Dances solo like 90% of the time but really enjoys dancing in pairs (dances with April a whole lot when they get the chance!).

• ❤ He rarely laughs out loud, but when he does it is loud and messy. A good joke can make him think about it all day and continue laughing for a long time. Not my og take, Ive seen this headcanon before and I love it so so much :3

• 🧡 From all his brothers, he kind of wishes to be human the most of them all. Its not a big big wish, he does think of himself as very unique individual and takes pride of being a mutant. But sometimes while hanging out with April he can get lost in his thoughts of "what ifs". Maybe in the process of making a cloaking accessory.

• 🧡 His handwriting is god-awful. All scribly and fucked up like Doctors writing. Unfamiliar eye would not decipher a word out of it, but Don knows exactly what everything means. But he mostly writes digitally.

• ❤ Dons dislike of hugging is canon, but I do believe he likes being touched on his head and face (head pats, cheek rubs, scratches). He enjoys hand holding when it's appropriate as well.

• 💋 Im headcanoning the boys to go through mating season once a year (except mikey cuz he small) everyone at a different time. It would be similiar to an ovulation but much more horny (with also fever symptoms). Don would be the second after Raph to get it. While in heat he doesn't go feral or anything, but after a few days stops working because he cant focus on his craft. Waves of sudden temperature changes (mostly high heat) with really horny thoughts and hypersensitivity to pretty much everything...yeah not the best work environment. He spends his  most intensive days closed off in his lab or room because he really doesn't want his family to see him like this (the rest of the turtles are in thier rooms during thier mating time as well for the same reason). Also add being possessive while having a SO, and also veeery easy to irritate.

• 💋 Donny takes on a more submissive role while being intimate, even though he loves to be in charge all the time. But he isn't a bottom either, I would put him perfectly in the middle as a switch (more leaning on that sub part tho).

• 💋 His biggest turn on is smell. Like someones natural smell, no perfumes and all. He likes to snuggle in the crook of the neck and take it all in. This becomes cranked up to eleven during mating season, as he absolutely cannot stop sniffing. Would love his significant other to leave him clothes with thier smell on it and sleep and/or snuggle with it.

Might add more later but thats all for now :3💜

Hope you enjoyed it⭐✨

Could you do one where y/n is walking to home alone at night and is scared of someone and calls tae or somethingg ? :)) I love the Forever and a Day series!

Hello angel! sorry for the delay in post, been busy offline but im gonna get through my requests now, thank you for reading and loving the series! <3

No warnings, enjoy!!

"why are we getting dessert at 1am?"....."why not?" KTH DRABBLE

"Hi sweetheart, are you just getting out?" Taehyung sat up in bed, phone up to his ear as he picked up your call.

"Hi baby, yeah.." you exhale, walking out of your building and walking to go catch the train home to your apartment.

The past few weeks youve been working as an assistant dance instructor at a fine arts school. You loved teaching and dancing everyday, but some nights were long, and you couldnt let the students leave unless their choreography was perfect.

"How was work then?" he asked, feeling more awake

"well...we finished the main choreo which is actually really good considering we just started teaching it last saturday. I think they are catching onto it now....but we still had to stay late and do costumes and what not..."

"busy, busy girl" he chuckled softly, fidgeting with his shirt as he heard the tiredness in your voice.

"yeah you got that right" you sigh and walk over to cross the street, eyeing the boarding platform for the train. "I'll be home soon, okay?"

"ok my love..."

"do you want me to pick up anything? Im at the train but I can stop quickly at the 24 hour market and bu-"

"hello!"

You stopped talking to your boyfriend as you heard a voice appear behind you. You turned to meet eyes with a much taller man wearing a grey hoodie and baggy navy blue sweatpants. He could have been anywhere between 30-40 years old.

"Uhm-..hi?" you smiled quickly, confused. You hadnt seen anyone around when you first arrived.

"whos there with you?" taehyung listens in to the unfamiliar voice

"hang on, tae" you mumble, putting the phone down as the man steps a bit closer.

"you look very pretty!" the older man spoke calmly, making you cringe. He smelled of cigarettes and booze.

"oh...thanks, im not interested in anything...im sorry. Just waiting to catch the train" you nod and point at the empty tracks in front of you, putting the phone back up to your ear as you turn

"baby whos that?" taehyung frowned, turning down the tv so he could listen more closely.

"I dont know...im at the train and some guy is just trying to talk to me" you whisper through gritted teeth.

"what??" he panics

"how old are you?" the guy asks, now closer to you than before.

"sir...im a little uncomfy with you being so close, I am just trying to get home to my boyfriend, its very late." you try to speak without your voice shaking.

"ah come on...dont be like that, im sure he wont mind if your home a little later. why dont we go have a little fun?" he mumbled

you felt your heart sink to your stomach as you immediately backed up. you wish you hadn't left your stupid pepper spray at home.

"Y/N?" tae called out, but your phone was by your side as you looked back at him. "please.....just go away" you try again

He simply laughed and continued to step closer before a cop that mustve been nearby came up behind him, grabbing his attention.

"hello sir, mind if I ask why you are out here this late?"

He scoffed, shrugging dramatically.

The cop continued to press questions as you quickly made a gesture of appreciation and fled without him noticing you.

You ran off the platform and back into the parking lot of some random store, picking up the phone to see tae was still on the line.

"taehyung??"

"Y/N, what happened? whats going on??" his voice was fast, concerned.

"I- I dont know, i ran away but some guy was near me asking me questions and I just- the cop came by but im afraid to go to the train again...im just-"

"where are you right now?" he stopped you

you turn around to see the 7/11 type market before you, "Im by the convenient store on 11th street..."

"okay stay there, go inside if you can...im coming to get you okay?"

"okay..." you breathe out and sit on the curb right next to the front door, still shaking a bit as your eyes nervously peered around the street, cars passing every now and then.

Taehyung grabbed his keys and was gone within the next 5 minutes, his own nervousness getting to him. He drove to you, keeping you on the line to speak.

"what did he look like?"

"tae i dont know, he was just older...creepy. smelled awful."

"im so sorry that this happened, are you okay?"

"im fine...im just scared now" you laugh breathily.

"im almost there, ok?"

"mhm"

your feet swung against the concrete parking lot before you saw the familiar headlights of your boyfriend pulling in. you waved to grab his attention, him parking the car close to you.

He got out and hugged you, swaying lightly. "its okay"

you give him a squeeze, "im sorry you had to come all the way over here so late.."

"shh dont apologize, you should always keep this with you though" he grabbed the pepper spray you left at home, shoving it into your backpack as you laughed.

"but its pinkkkk" you whined

"so?"

"what guy is gonna be afraid of some pink pepper spray?"

"hey, pepper spray is pepper spray, you just have the bedazzled version. You spray and slay" he shrugged, making you cringe audibly.

"never fucking say that again" you laugh, pointing in his face as he holds your hand in his, beginning his walk to the markets front door.

"why are we going in here?" you ask

"mine as well" he smiled and opened the door, walking in and eyeing the people- free isles.

You followed him as he darted to the back of the building, lifting up the glass case and picking up 2 vanilla ice creams, then going to grab 2 iced coffees.

"whats all this?"

"dessert" he looked back and winked jokingly as he made his way to ring up the items.

You scoffed and stood behind him as he paid, "And why are we getting dessert at 1am?"

"why not" he chuckled and handed you the ice cream and coffee

"valid point" you giggle, "thank you"

He kissed your forehead and led you back out to the car, getting in and enjoying your late night snack.

"so you said the cop stopped him?"

you nodded, licking your cone and looking out the window. "He reeked of alcohol so I doubt it was because he was stalking some young girl....wonder if he was even arrested" you scoff

He hummed, pondering in thought.

The car went quiet for a moment

"do you think hes in the back seat?" tae suddenly spoke, side eyeing you.

"Tae!!!" you shout, playfully smacking his arm as he defensively raised his hands

"sorry, sorry!"

"one more word and im pepper spraying you"

Ask game questions! 5, 7, 8, and 23 for spamton bc I'm legally obligated to ask about him. You don't have to do all of them tho if you don't want!

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

I'm Gonna Win - Rob Cantor

First song I thought of, though I'm sure there are other more suitable songs I could come up with. But honestly, due to my illness I don't get to listen to music often. I'm sensitive to sound.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

There's been some really nice fanart, and I love the fake ad ones people make, and the pinups. I love buying merch from people.

Its also nice when people treat their plushes nicely, or actually see him as more than just the "funny salesman." Don't get me wrong, Spamton's is an awesome a salesman and all, but that's not all he is.

Oh, my fave part though, is how everyone celebrates his fan birthday. Thats super sweet. I love seeing people make fanart for that.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

Hm.. there's lot of great fanart of him, and you can see what I post already.

But I guess his shop sprite. It's fun to talk to him.

I do wonder what he would be like in person though.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Haha... heh.... well, this will get long... (Sorry.)

Mostly just the fact that the fandom is made up of a LOT of hateful people, who hatepost about Spamton because he's "popular," or because their fans of Swatch/Queen/Addisons and are in denial about what those guys did to him so they try to pin it on Spamton by saying "he deserved it" or saying it never happened.

Which is REALLY ironic in a way. But wait, we got more!

(_WARNING: RANT INCOMING!_ You dont have to read this.)

Many people can't get past the "funny salesman" trope. They think the salesman pitch Spamton puts on is literally all he is, that he really is this guy who is silly, obsessed with money, and batshit crazy. Does no one know how entertainment works!? Has no one ever followed a YouTuber or Twitch streamer, or gone to the circus or seen a live show? That how people act in front of a camera, isnt how they act all the time!? Spamton doesn't actually care about money, he said it himself; he does all he does because he's an entertainer trying to survive! The Spamton Sweepstakes, the Fangamer ads, the Twitter replies... while they contain truths and genuine things about him, for much of it, he's playing everyone like fiddles! He's saying whatever the hell he can to make you buy his shit, because funny thing, its his job! And the things is, it WORKS. Everyone totally buys in to it! But while I'm sure he does find joy in what he does, it can also be kind of painful that everyone actually thinks that's all he is in a way... they infantilize him, they treat him like he's crazy/stupid, they stereotype him, they make fun of him, they talk about wanting to hurt him... and they think its okay, because "he's in on the joke." Yeah? You really think anyone would find joy in seeing you make art of them getting abused/hurt/killed? REALLY? Ever thought that maybe... its not actually okay....

I guess I feel bothered by it. Sure Spamton chooses to play up all the stereotypes about him so that people will buy his stuff, and its cool that he can still joke about things like that. But... I wish people saw more of the real him sometimes, and realized he deserves kindness and respect like anyone else.

But I think Spamton is a good example of how people go too far, how they'll greedily take everything from someone, even their dignity, if it means feeding their own happiness. How they can't separate entertainment from reality (... yeah yeah, some irony there as I'm talking about a fictional character...)

In a way, the Spamton fandom, often represents to me, much of the things I hate about the entertainment industry, hell even fandom. I'm glad people love him and buy his stuff, but I also wish they liked him for kinder reasons. I hope that if he continues to be in entertainment, he gets to make something he loves, that allows him to be who he wants to be. Because like many of us, he sometimes gets trapped in a role, determined by other people. And while some of it is true, like he is funny and has a dark sense of humor, and I'm sure he does enjoy many of the things he does... but some of it, I think is sort of forced on him. It's like if you don't act the way everyone wants, they'll get angry or abandon you. And that, thats awful.

(And Im not saying don't enjoy his salesman persona, just that, I wish people saw the rest of him too. Because he's a kind, caring and brave guy, and I really wish him the best ya know?)

.... of course, I admit this might be some of my own self-projection too, but lets not unpack THAT.

...

......

You made it this far, wow... uh... *gives you a gold star saying "I just wasted several minutes of my life to an insane fan rant." except all the words don't fit on the star, so it just says "I just wasted."*

... *runs away while you ponder the star*

its suicide awareness week (in the states at least) in fact, it ends right on my birthday this saturday (which stings on a personal level), i feel like to some degree its my duty to make some kind of insight about this considering its been a struggle for me this year and that ive been making it a struggle for others by posting about it here, but realistically i dont know what to say

im not asking for pity with this post, i just need to let out some of it, and in a way apologize for all the times i have scared people with how i can get when im in "the hole":

this year has been hard, a lot of things have happened, mostly internal realizations, but also small daily negative things that began to slowly deteriorate me to a breaking point. i began to externalize my feelings more in my art, at the cost of feeling embarassment and fear of being shunned or laughed at, but in return i have also found that it brings comfort to others, and that makes me happy. ive been trying to be more open about my issues, to be able to ask for help, but its also been hard, people dont take anything seriously, you arr selfish for wanting to kill yourself, you are an attention seeker for hurting yourself, you are just some jobless loser, these are the kind of things ive experienced and see others be told, it hurts a lot, my head hurts a lot right now, because even if im not hurting at this moment, in a way ive been hurting the entire year, and even some more time.

its not anyone's duty to help someone that really needs it, its complicated, its frustrating, no one is ever fully prepared for it, im not sure if i would be, but at least for me (because this is about me personally) even just checking in once means a lot.

even among others with the same struggles, i feel distant and less, undeserving of help, and i have even tried to push away from my life the people that have tried to help me, "they are going to get so mad they will stop trying", its a scary thought, the less people around you, the easier and closer becomes the choice of going through with it, once others have no emotional links to you, you are unstoppable, or at least thats how i imagine it.

i think the thing that has hurt me the most is finding out feeling this way isn't the normal way to be, that not everyone in the world lives life thinking "i want to kill myself so bad", it was so alienating, it made me realize just how bad my situation can get, and in how much denial ive been my entire life.

"my issues arent real" "im a faker because i dont cut myself" "someone else has it worse so i shouldnt complain", its still hard to push away these thoughts, in all honesty i still believe all of them, but im trying to listen to people both on a friends level to outright my therapist, when they tell me that they are in fact very real.

theres no happy note to end this post on, at least not right now, just some bittersweet statements, because even if im fine right now, i know ill go back to it, in fact, maybe ill never "heal" from it, but if i can keep my head above water with the help i get when i need it, then i think thats okay, and if you could try and do the same for someone else, even if its scary, even if you feel like you are not helping, even if it feels like they only want you to go away, well, i think that might be enough for that person.

So you guys know i (try to) post daily doodles, and i have said before that i draw for about 2-3 hrs every night. BUT that also means i dont post about like 80-90% of the drawings i do each night. Today though, i've been thinking about A*I and my own relationship with drawing, and how utterly baffled i am that anyone would want to use it to like...draw for them..and how the concept that *tell a computer what art to do so i dont have to do it* is alien to me. So here's ALL the drawings i did tonight. The bottom one is the last one i did and the one i would normally post. And i want to talk about A*I without talking about good or bad end product. Because i dont care if im making the shittiest art in the universe - i still wouldn't use A*I. Not even as a ‘tool’.

If you've been around here for a while you know i have a love/hate relationship with my art. I write too, but writing doesnt make me so frustrated and angry that i want to throw my computer out a second story window. HOWEVER. There is a huge caveat to that anger.

It happens after.

You could look at it a little like hockey. Every game is fresh, right? I mean god knows the US made an entire movie about how every game is a new game and the odds could always fall in your favor no matter how stacked against you. So every drawing i go into it excited - like LOOK at that reference material, its gorgeous. The gesture is beautiful, the post is interesting, there is something about it that is just begging to be drawn. But then say you hit intermission in the hockey game and the opposing team scored a few points. And i step back and look at the drawing and realize i started to go wrong somewhere along the way. But its too late now, you gotta commit and keep going. And you do but somehow the final score is STILL 6 to 0 and thats when i want to flush all my art down the toilet and never look at it again. But its okay because the next drawing is going to start with a blank canvas and who cares what happened last time.

Ok maybe a bad example.

The product is never really what drives me to draw - i mean, sure i do like it a heck of a lot better when i have something /anything/ that i can post to show that im sticking with my everyday doodle. But its not a requirement to doodling. The process of drawing is always fun. Its when i come out of it and look at the stupid thing that im like ‘well fuck i fucked that one up again didnt i’, and THEN i get annoyed lol.

I dont sit there consumed with frustration over ‘gee i dont know what to draw’. This is never an issue. I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DRAW. Sometimes i avoid certain gifs/photos because in the back of my mind im like ‘yeah no, i havent leveled up that far yet, i cant do that justice’. But i dont want to admit the sheer number of images of geno alone i have saved. I think my biggest reference folder is still aoki and that has over two thousand screenshots - i dont think anyone will ever surpass that LOL. I have a never ending supply of practice art to be done.

The frustration comes when i have an image in my head and i want to get it down on paper so-to-speak (computer whatever). So - when im NOT using reference (or at least not an exact one) and am making an ‘illustration’ (ish). But again, the process isn't the issue. I like the act of drawing, i like the image in my head slowly taking shape, i like how vividly i can see it. Yall know how obsessed i am with personality - that's not just part of the drawing, that IS the drawing. And each deicision in the illustration is defined by the personality/character.

A computer can't fucking do this.

Could i maybe tell a computer ‘draw geno in the shower’. Sure. And it probably could. And if i didnt care about the process - if all i wanted was a very good drawing of geno in the shower....that probably would be fine. Maybe great even. Maybe it would be the best damn drawing of geno in the shower ever. And then i'd feel like shit because a machine is producing art that is more valuable to other people than mine ever will be. But holy fucking shit that ruins the entire POINT of drawing???? Why would you do that?

I mean, im sure yall can infer the entire point of the act of drawing geno in the shower. He's hot, he's wet. ANYWAY.

In my opinion, a person who wants the end product and doesn't care about the process of getting there....that person is not an artist. That person is someone who enjoys art, and probably thinks they have a lot of good ideas to make into art, but who doesn't feel that pull to make art themselves. They just want to buy art. And they want it cheap. And mindless computers being trained in seconds on the decades of creativity and hard work of art masters is a heck of a lot cheaper than a human.

And the hardest part of all this for me is how worthless this makes me feel - nobody wants you, they want that automatic button. Kinda like my dad that way (haha)

I’m going insane over here. Ok. Strap in. I’ve got a lot to say.

I’ve already made a couple posts about this but the thoughts are running rampant in here and I think I’ve got some more in depth topics I want to get into this time.

(really long post its like 1.5k words so dont click on it if u dont wanna scroll thru all that LOL)

First off, we’ve got the voting system. I have… a lot of gripes about the voting system. I’ll preface this statement with maybe I’m wrong, because I haven’t spent a lot of time interacting with the fandom, but it seems like a lot of people are taking the voting system at face value. The premise is simple, after all. Examine the prisoner, assess their crime, and decide whether you think it was justifiable, right? But there’s a twist, obviously. Your verdicts have a direct impact on the prisoners. And you are speaking through the audience surrogate, the warden at Milgram prison, Es. Es is very interesting to me. Despite being a clear self insert, they absolutely exhibit personality of their own, and thought processes and decisions that aren’t influenced by the audience at all. A perfect unreliable narrator. They aren’t a character at first as much as a lens to see the prison through. From the very beginning, they insist on the same thing: job first, questions later. They’re the warden after all. No time to think about the prison. Now I haven’t read the light novel so I’m sure I could go more in depth on my thoughts on the prison if I had read it, but regardless of that, it’s painfully clear how suspicious the whole situation is. However, the way it’s framed almost makes the prison itself, the warden, and Jackalope fade into the background. It’s kind of brilliant actually. Anyway, you’re voting through Es. But who says Es has the right to pass judgement? Look. No one knows what Milgram is. What their ulterior motives are. What’s ultimately going to happen at the end of the project. According to the light novel, it's happened before, so again, I’m perhaps not the most knowledgeable about this part. But why does Milgram get to decide what to do with the prisoners? It feels awfully hypocritical and potentially dangerous. But the whole project is set up so you have no other choice than to vote. It’s fascinating. You’re led towards the conclusion that Milgram wants you to reach. And your immediate thought is NOT to question it, because it’s a piece of media. Why would it lie?

Alright, bear with me for a minute. You know the original milgram experiment? The one the whole thing is supposedly based on? It's about obedience to authority. Listen to me. I am shaking you guys by the shoulders. It’s about obedience to authority. DOESN’T THAT SOUND LIKE WHAT I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT. They had people administer shocks to “test participants”. The shocks got higher and higher till near fatal levels. The test participants weren’t actually real, but they found that “every participant [went] up to 300 volts, and 65% [went] up to the full 450 volts.” (Milgram experiment, Wikipedia). The whole video series is like this experiment. I don’t know. You get it. You get the connection. I don’t know how much better I can explain this. You can imagine me jumping up and down and flapping my hands.

Listen to me. If you aren’t looking at it from a meta perspective that’s fine. I get it. Most media I like I just passively engage with. Usually that’s more fun for me. But frankly with Milgram I feel as if not looking at it from a meta perspective makes you just another test participant. Another shock administrator. Another cog in the machine. I see people talk about Milgram’s bad writing sometimes, and, you know, fair. There are subjects not handled with the care they need. I’m not claiming that Milgram is perfect. But I haven’t seen anyone talk about how fucking cool this is. They’ve taken the art form and made it into a mechanism. I think it’s kind of brilliant.

Anyway, essentially what I’m trying to say with perhaps an excessive amount of words is that I don’t think we have the right to pass judgement on the prisoners. From a meta perspective, of course.

Apologies in advance for another interjection. This part is perhaps less relevant to the rest of the post, but it’s so cool that I kinda wanna skim over it anyway. You can skip this part if it's getting too long for you, especially since I already kind of touched on it up there. Es as not only an audience surrogate but ALSO as their own character makes them so interesting. I personally actually hated them for a little while after watching some of the voice dramas. Because they act cruel. And make bad decisions. And say insensitive things. And some of that is seeping in from the audience, but even more interesting to me is that a lot of it is just a result of their environment. They’re harsh and defensive and seem very convinced in their own righteousness, and they come off as a total asshole about it sometimes. But think about it. They’ve woken up in this prison. Fucking insane. But instead of freaking out about it, they begin to cling to their newfound authority. I mean, it’s the most rational thing to do. Like, it’s not a normal thing to do, but it’s rational. It’s easy to make yourself forget about everything else when you fixate on a certain point, so that’s what they do. They don’t seem to think there’s any way out of this besides becoming a willing participant, so they lean real hard into the whole “warden” thing. They’re just as trapped as the prisoners are. I believe there’s an empty cell in the prison. Probably Es’s; It’s not a hard conclusion to come to. Milgram has happened before and my guess is that the prisoners are picked more or less by chance. This has very interesting implications. Either Es is a totally random person, or they’re just like the other prisoners, having taken a life. This would make sense as to why they needed to have their memories erased. This makes the whole thing just that much more hypocritical. But I digress.

And so now we come to my second point. Or maybe third on account of the tangents. The parallels with the other prisoners. Specifically number 03, Fuuta. Fuuta is a really good example of taking things out of proportion. His crime is simple: something along the lines of cyberbullying someone into commiting suicide. So like, yes. Objectively? Shitty. Shitty move. He’s not a great person. 20 year old terminally online gamer. Many people off the bat are not going to like him, and therefore probably vote him guilty. But put that into scale: he did not actively kill the person, nor was his intention to cause death. Which is not to say he wasn’t in the wrong. But consider it; we’ve got this weird suspicious prison complex. And we’ve got some loser online. And then there’s the immediate consequence. Now we didn’t know Kotoko was going to go crazy, but regardless of that, that was the consequence of us voting Fuuta guilty. Now he’s literally missing an eye for the crime of… being mean online. So clearly some people started to think about this (hence his innocent vote in trial 2). He’s a crack in the facade, or something of the sort. Apply pressure, dig a little deeper, and it starts looking like, well, the stuff I’ve already said.

But more than that is the realization that Fuuta really has just been taken and put into this prison. He’s a normal person, who has behaved in a less than ideal way, but still a normal person, put into this absurd situation. And you know who else is like that? Well, everybody, but specifically Es. I genuinely do not think there will be a happy ending for anyone unless Es begins to realize this. Which means the audience beginning to realize this. The “innocent” and “guilty” votes don’t really mean anything. Or, they do, because they’ve been assigned value, but the person assigning value to them is, once again, Milgram. Or Jackalope, I suppose, assuming he is the guy behind the whole thing. Maybe I’m preaching to the choir. Maybe you guys have already considered this. But it’s been bouncing around my head all day and I was going a bit crazy over it and I had to get it out.

TLDR; I think the whole voting system is rigged in the favor of the prison itself rather than the prisoners, I don’t think that, as Es, we get to decide who is and who is not “guilty”, Milgram Project itself seems an awful lot like the experiment(not the content of the media, but the interactivity of it), and Es has probably done something bad in order to be in the prison in the first place. The key takeaway from this is that I’m actually really normal and pumping out 1.5k words in 2 hours because of this media is an average and usual thing to do.

God if ucking love rain world too. I just dont really know how to get "into" the community without building up a following through art (im not good at it) or something else, yknow?

yeah, i know what you mean. i can somewhat relate to this problem myself, ever since i was in my first… i guess community would be a good word for it in this sense… but ever since i was in my first community, i have always wanted to contribute to the community and media at hand. it happened with deltarune, it REALLY happened with undertale (every time i get a comment on that one video i nearly shit myself) and now it’s happening again with rain world. if im being real, i may not be the best person to ask about it, since i basically grew in popularity across the internet overall by dumb luck.

but regardless, ill put in my two cents anyways: just keep at it, whatever you’re doing. even if you think youre bad at it, keep going. even if you think you’re not gonna add any more worth to the wider community by making your impact, do it anyways. you’ll thank yourself later on.

you see this? this was my first piece of digital art EVER. of course, looking back at this piece of art from late 2018, i think this art piece sucks ten ounces of cottage cheese and italian driftwood. and im assuming thats the feeling you’re going through right now.

but here’s the thing: i kept at it. i kept trying and trying more and more until i eventually made this like three days later

still not great. but i didnt improve overnight. like i said earlier, you gotta keep at the stuff you love regardless of how you feel about it skill-wise. you’re gonna be thanking yourself later on for nourishing that branch on the tree.

and trust me, keeping at it is worth it. these two images aren’t insignificant, i repeat them every year or two since these first two. my latest one was this one:

the point im trying to make with all this stuff in the end i guess is just that even if you dont feel fantastic about what you make, you should still keep trying. youre not gonna improve overnight, but if you set yourself a goal to get a little bit more detailed, or a little bit more elaborate with what you make each time you make something, your improvement will be noticeable. and dont just do it for any random community out there! do it for YOU!!!! if you have problems with working for yourself as much as you work for others, imagine taking an order from yourself that says do whatever you want! because you can!!!

TL;DR: dont do what you do for just anyone, do it for you. and keep doing it, no matter how little you think of it. you will thank yourself.

and hey. if all else fails you can always be like gront5172, the justin y. of rain world youtube. im sure theyre very happy i mentioned them here tbh

Where to go from here?

OH HEY ITS BEEN A REAL HOT MINUTE SINCE I TALKED ON HERE. And oh boy do I have... thoughts. :T Mostly regarding my blog, Ask October Fox. There is a lot to read here..

Wow ok so.. this is a post that I have been putting off pretty much all year long. It was one of those “I will cross that bridge when I get there” and oh boy, wouldnt you know it.. there’s the bridge. I had wanted to make this sooner but for some reason my brain just wouldnt let me. Im posting this here first since I think about 90% of people who follow October, follow me here too, so this seems like where I might reach the most people but I will also reblog this on her blog as well. I have just been trying to gather my thoughts, but it feels like every time I do, I just end up with a scattered mess trying to explain myself. Id like to keep this short but.. well thats not going to happen, i’ll try tho So... to be upfront with a somewhat TLDR, I dont know how much more I will be running my ask blog. This doesnt mean October herself is going anywhere, she’ll still be around, I just dont know if it will be here. Its a bit of a complicated matter, and one that I have been struggling with since the beginning of the year. My main problem is that I dont know if I can physically keep doing it. I know I had mentioned last year about the amount of pain I was in with my old tablet and how hard it was getting to draw. But on the plus side, since getting a monitor tablet, a new desk and set up, those problems have gotten significantly better. Every so often they might flare up, but with regular breaks, slightly more structured schedule, and daily exercising, its few and far between. So on that front im good! I still dont want to risk getting hurt again, which is why im just unsure if I can put that kind of strain on myself again.. and it doesnt help that I feel like im drawing slower than I used to, tho that could just be me. Secondly, is.. is there anyone here anymore? I used to check Tumblr every day, multiple times a day, and then I just... left for like 3 months bc it felt like hardly anyone was here anymore (another reason why I didnt make this post sooner. I have avoidance issues.). I feel like I might have joined Tumblr around its peak, just before The Ban™️ came down and most people- rightfully- left. October’s story is finally starting to come to light and while it was something I have been planning for a while now, the big story isnt something that I want to do to an empty audience, if that makes any sense. And thats on me, really. I waited too long. Thirdly, there were/are certain things that needed to happen before I could tell that story- and sadly I feel as tho I am missing a big key factor that is needed to link the story to the next part. But without that key factor...I feel like Id to have to retcon the entire story. Not that that in itself is a terrible thing, the story has been ever changing for a while now, but this had been one of the main things I had planned for a long time now. Not to mention I still want to tell stories of some of the other characters. There are a few more personal reasons, but these are just the main ones. Im just.. not sure what to do anymore. I would still like October to continue to interact with people, that is something that I have greatly enjoyed in the past couple of years with the quick replies, and thats what she was meant to be all about for the most part. Im planning on having October doing stuff outside of this blog this year- lots of ideas planned, like streaming art and maybe some games- but as far as the nightly comics.. eehh... So I guess my question is this.. would people rather I just tell them the rest of the story, or would people rather I still try and draw it out, tho more like a graphic novel style and not in a full comic form? Tho again going back to the the third section, I still have to figure out how that would play out anyway. I hate to say how much this has been stressing me out, and how much I am upset with myself over how things have played out. Many things I probably should have done differently but now im just going to have to roll with it. As mentioned the story, October, and the characters arent going anywhere. There are still stories and characters to be talked about, I just dont know how or where that will be.  There is a lot more than I could go on about but for now I think its best to end this rambling here. Once I get some input or answers then I will move onto the next step. I apologize for the massive wall of text here, and for anyone who read all of it, I cant thank you enough for that. For now I will continue to work on the planned projects, as I still have a little time to finish those things up, but wow.. September is sure moving a lot faster than I would like :T

@arcann tagged me bc somehow they KNOW i need to finish my 2nd playthrough!

TRAITS

Your “canon” trait combination? I did Mystical and Keen Eye on my first playthrough and i honestly really liked it. Combining a more “practical” trait like Keen Eye and a more ‘emotion” based trait like Mystical really balanced the interactions between the characters and environment for me in a way that didnt make one or the other seem useless

What 3rd trait would you add for hardcore mode? After genuinely thinking about it probably Talk to Animals. I have no clue how useless or not it would be in Hardcore Mode but i love all those critters and any extra info is good info, right? 2nd choice may be Street Smart for obvious reasons and a more practical application!

What trait are you least drawn to? Hot. I have heard it can open up more but it kinda seems like it could be a free pass for MC to be the Worst while still being buddies with people just bc they’re attractive and idk how i feel about that. I also don’t really flirt too much even on romance routes. I’m sure the writing would still be incredible tho as nothing has felt like a let down yet!

Coolest trait? I just started a Streetsmart + Talk to Animals combo and i really like Streetsmart so far. Seems like the one I might choose if you only got one option instead of 2! Will have to finish the playthrough to confirm my thoughts tho bc i surprisingly miss Mystical, at least in trying to outstubborn Sybil (even if it doesnt work)!

ROMANCE

Who are you romancing? I have my first MC who i guess is closest to my “canon” playthrough branching off with different saves bc i am unsure if staying single or romancing Reese or Kaneeka is more in line with the personality im developing for her. Kaneeka is a fellow goth so of course i love her and my MC is punk as hell so theres some crossover there, but also horror movies and weird fucked up body horror art is always fun as hell so theres my boy Reese. But honestly the friendships have been fulfilling enough that i wouldnt need MC to romance anyone i guess.

What romance are you least interested in? Waynes is probably 50 shades of fucked up and i dont personally want to give it a shot but i might for a really weird MC so strangely i might have to say Stella? Not that she isn’t the sweetest but i kind of like her with Tabitha potentially, even if its not a Canon Thing.

Who would you romance if every character was eligible? Still Reese, Kaneeka, and Avery. They all have good interactions with the MC and although the game isnt 100% done yet at this point im not sure other characters would have the same amount of friendship built up to where i would want to start a romance.

MISC

What character would hurt the most if something bad happened to them? Avery honestly. Theyre very mellow and friendly and one of my MCS faves and i would be pissed if i fucked up something and got them seriously hurt.

Would you stay in Scarlet Hollow once the week is over? Im not sure there will BE a Scarlet Hollow once the week is over. Either it will be wiped out by Supernatural Shenanigans or the strike will end the coal mine (as it probably should) and everyone will have to move anyway. Even if somehow the town is Fine my MC is probably going to die or something bc holy shit Mystical is feeling very foreboding.

Who would you vote for dog mayor? I think i will know for sure when i finish my Talk to Animals playthrough. I take this stuff very seriously after all.

Not tagging anyone bc i am unsure if anyone else has played it yet but YOU SHOULD.

hey guys :) are you looking for more ways to manifest in your life and/or do you not have time to set aside for manifestations? even if you are not spiritual, these are great ways to build a healthier headspace for yourself.

my BIGGEST tip, which i use on a daily basis, is to turn your everyday tasks into a ritual. here are some examples to use or to find inspiration from:

1- CLEANING RITUALS (showering, bathing, brushing teeth, brushing hair, sweeping, dishes, etc.)

firstly, this is one of the easiest to come up with, and it makes large strides towards positivity, especially when it's something you dread doing. rather than thinking about how badly you want to be done with x task, take a breath and think about how you are doing x thing for y outcome. this can be something as simple as cleansing the space, both physically and energetically, but you can also get more complex with it if there's something with more steps irking you.

when i shower, for example, i use shampoo, conditioner, face wash, and body wash, and i use each item twice. this gets really tedious sometimes, but if i give a reason for why i am doing each thing, talking myself through the process, it slows my brain down, grounds me, and leaves me feeling much more fulfilled by the end. (ex: "i am washing my face to rid myself of any masks i put on that i dont wish to keep." "i am washing my hands to wash off any unsteadiness." "i am washing my chest to relieve my heart of stress.")

if you're interested in my very intricate shower routine, im absolutely happy to give a full outline of products, the intentions i use, the order in which i use them, etc.

2- FOOD AND BEVERAGE (herbs, teas, instant meals, restaurant meals, coffee, etc)

by preparing, ordering, or even grocery shopping, you create many, many different opportunities in which to manifest. in my personal life, i find it easiest to do when i prepare food or drinks for myself.

this can be something as simple as a singular ingredient, and as complicated as every ingredient and technique used! i think, most often, i use this when i make myself tea, because i can just think to myself a singular intention for the cup. "this tea is being made to comfort me." "this tea will slow down my racing thoughts." "this tea will make me sleep easier." etc.

i also like to ask my friends what they would like their intentions to be when i make them food or drinks. you can also set intentions if youre reheating something, re-seasoning something, or even just changing the plate or bowl it's served with.

3-ACTIVITIES (classes, friends, arts and crafts, music, sports, etc)

this is one that i think i overlook a lot, but im trying to make more space to manifest with in my life now. when in regards to activities, i personally spend a lot of time dreading the fact that i have to do anything (bc i would so love to just sit in my bed all day) (and im sure most of us would love that as well), but letting ourselves look at our opportunities negatively in the ways we do means that we push negative energy onto our experiences before they even happen. i, for one, have had my most fulfilling experiences when i have gone in with an intention of what it is for.

this does NOT mean the intention stays the same, or even stays at all. flexibility is key.

but i digress. if you friends are having a beach day and you spend the time leading up to it just dreading that it's going to happen, it's not going to go as well for you compared to if you spent your time being excited and happy. the flexibility comes in when your beach day is suddenly rained out. if youve been a party pooper, youre going to continue to complain, but if youve been optimistic and positive, youre going to work to find an alternative that is just as, if not even more fun.

this is also important in keeping you moving in classes. ("today i learn x." "i am going to x class because y." "my goal for today is to stay fully focused.")

CONCLUSION

this is so fun to me and if anyone wants to talk about it MESSAGE ME this is SO INTERESTING and i have SO MUCH MORE IWANT TO SAY

Noticed something about how yall interact with me when i whine about my art

Sometimes ill say somethingnlike "this will have to be good enough" or "i can't look at this anymore"

And in response, you guys will give me encouragement saying its not bad dont be so hard on yourself! Look at how much youve improved just keep at it.

Which absolutely 100000% wonderful and so sweet and i love yall for it.

But i am not a new artist. Ive been drawing for more than 50% of my life at this point. Ove been an artist longer than i havent been an artist (which is wild)

When im saying those things i honestly am truly am not being down on my art. My skill is where it is but my skill level isnt why i draw, though it can be a bonus ehen i manage to accomplish something i couldnt before too.

When i say this will have to be good enough, its in terms of this is what i can do for now. This usually happens when i am actively skill checking myself and when i say this is all i can do, i mean it. Thats the point of the exercise. To find that limit.

Admittedly im usually a bit worn out on the drawinf by that point so maybe it comes off more degrading but mostly i think that people expect being critical of ones own art to be with negative emotions.

For me when it happens its more... Mmm satisfaction for lack of a better term. Maybe im not where id like to be for the drawing, but now i have a good idea of my skill level and areas i want to imrpove. Its a good thing.

When i say i can't look at this anymore, i mean that im doing a lot of finicky things that arent doing anything for the piece. Sometimes to the point where its no longer fun.

So i back down and say this is enough. Stop looking at it its okay.

But i dont mean this isnt good enough.

Good enough for what? im drawing for fun on my own little blog on the internet. It isn't owed to anyone. There is no good enough.

Im not sure what my goal is with this post really

But im not going to quit drawing because of one lackluster picture. And my self critique isnt out of negativity. I dont think im exactly an incredible artist, but i dont have to be. Thats not the point.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

Something something requested post about gabby

Ive like talked a little about stuff related 2 her identity problems ☝️ ✌️ and everything but like. vague hand motions heres the whole thing:;;;

Tbh im not sure where it started but to me its a mix of her ties to dionysus being expression and emotions and me just projecting onto her. her powers are focused on influencing others and manipulating things rather than just nature or art so shes like. full of chaos. not even in a silly personality trait way its literally just built into her. thats what her powers are. chaos and change. thats what she embodies. [which contrasts angels motif of calmness and cowardice and brings a cool balance to their relationship]

so obviously that and having bipolar disorder can make things messy sometimes and she struggles with truly being happy with her friendships. which is bad on its own but these also make her really cling to predictability and the idea of being in control (most obvious ex. is taking the role of leader during the quest for herself and planning out everything they do) which like. is related to the uncertainty she feels towards herself and her future cuz shes like getting closer to being an adult [and also the age lots of demigods dont make it very far past but she hasnt had to worry much about that until now] but really isnt ready to do that nor does she have any real passion for any job or thing related to it. shes just focused on finishing highschool and then she’ll have to worry about that. which she hated cuz yk. Mentioned stuff.

so basically its lots of Wow this is a lot of emotions about stuff with me in it. But who am i even. What is my purpose what am i supposed to do. Why is the world like this i dont want to do adult things. I dont even know what those adult things are or how they work.

i wanna say there were some v small thoughts about this pre-demigod stuff happening [mostly just about if people like her or not or how tf to make friends rather than everything else] and it just like got 10x worse once they did start cuz it like ruined what good she had goin. duh

and going with the linked post where i apologize to gabby she also has the dumbest smart person in the room problem where yes she Is very smart and good at problem solving and fighting but she also feels like shes not very useful or impressive when in certain groups [like how angel and jade have more knowledge about greek myths and nature than her] so its like. Hm is she really all that if she can only shine when surrounded by people less competent than she. also the guilt mentioned in said post is like related to this too cuz she wants to look cool and be inteligent and awesome yet also could come off as stuck up or a showoff or something cuz of how much she wants to be looked up to by others and be complimented

i think the last thing i have to say about it is how she does a lot of avoiding like. as a coping thing. like 2 examples i have so far for p1 would be the whole forced quest thing as an excuse to leave camp and not deal with violet or jack or anyone else who could bring up the fight and then the breakdown talk with angel (though its less avoiding and more finally snapping from all the pushing away) … and like maybe the bedrotting on their first summer there could count since she didnt wanna go out and see her dad or engage in any camp things but idk. maybe the thing w her stepdad too

Anyway yeah this post took forever cuz i was working on it on and off lollll sorry been busy (so obv disclaimer sorry if it sounds weird cuz i kind of just continued my thoughts between hour long pauses. im not rereading my lore posts bro thats what ive got notes and memorized info for….)