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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

Note

hi! quick tip: if you’re on mobile type ‘:readmore:’ then hit enter! i dunno if you’ve been told but. yeah :)

also, your recent piece on apd was incredible!! very nice to see representation!! keep up the excellent work <3 it did get me thinking though: reader with vocal stims, cementing it in the acolytes’ minds that you don’t speak the language of teyvat, and then you’re all just stuck in this loop of “oh man they don’t speak the same language of me” but they DO

if asks are closed or this is outside of your comfort zone then feel free to delete! have a lovely day <3

AHFJLAKLOSUDBABWB U FELT REPRESENTED YAY!!

A cookie for thee, and also extra for telling me how to do Expand thingy on mobile ilysm 🤲🍩🍪✨️ (pspspsps all askers,, u get cookies,,cometothedarksidepspspspspsss)

I was so worried bc it wasnt like super all the aspects of Apd issues, and it was very based on my personal experience w/ similar symptoms + other bits of ppl's experience so i was hoping it still felt somewhat recognizable for ppl w/APD!! Tysm for the feedback :D

NOTE ABOUT VOCAL STIM DEPICTED:

So i think ive experienced verbal stims, so this is a combination of others shared experiences + personal experience, and while everybody experiences things individually/their own way, please let me know if there is something obviously inaccurate/maybe even offensive.

You will definitely not make me mad or otherwise offended, I really want to hear that kind of feedback from others who vocal stim!

Thank you so much for reading! :)

___________________♡_____________________

So lets just say that ur vocal stims r pretty non-verbal or non-sensical ("her sister was a WITCH BRO-" like memes that dont make sense to them)

Or like, u have verbal stims that r actual language but they dont hang around long enough to hear it maybe ??

♤

So like, this ends up happening

Chongyun was exploring near Qingce village for supernatural stuff as usual

And U were just vibin, chillin near Qingce village livin ur best Creator god cottagecore life

And ur like planting a new seedbed, Jueyun Chilis :) (bc jfc however bad it was to collect them in game, its 10x worse in person, ur tired of running around town getting chilis, Qingce isnt exactly flat 💀)

♡

And every seed u put in the dirt ur like "boop!"

And Chongyun comes by, bc u at edge of town, and the villagers mentioned a strange new traveler settling here

He immediately feels a wave of that same feeling he used to feel when the Creator god had their eyes on him, or would assist him in battles

So poor boy almost overheats trying to climb up the hill to ur house

And is like "??...Creator??"

Then kinda stops bc ur just like-

"Boop!" "Boop!" "Boop!" ☺️ LMAO

And then u finish planting seeds, get the watering can,,

And everytime u pour it just-

... "EJACK! Come, water!"

(Ur saying it so fast too, and he's still somewhat farther away, so he cant rlly hear that well too)

...

And its just so incomprehensible to Chongyun he's deadass like "A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE??!"

So of course,

He waves, 👋

And ur like omg icy boy!! :D 🧊💙

But u dont say anything yet, and then he starts,, miming?? He points at u? Then like?? Points up? The sky?? Then like, mimes swinging his claymore???

(ARE U THE CREATOR??!!)

U look up, very confused 🧐

He seemes frustrated.

Then he just kinda, bows and leaves?

...

...oh no.

Do Teyvat people speak that crazy language that u saw in game?

Instead of English??

Well.

Shit.

...

.... U havent rlly talked to anyone in Qingce yet since u just got here in Teyvat like a week ago

And found this abandoned house

♧

It just gets worse 😭

Bc slowly, one by one,

Each playable character in Liyue comes to attempt to talk to you

(And since u have a farm, and they keep giving u food/goods? For some reason?? U still dont need to go into town)

☆

At one point, even Zhongli shows up

And thru complex miming and hand motions u think he means dont worry abt him? Like just go back to what u were doing?? Okay??

U guess he's just gonna chill here for now?

...

...Zhongli just kinda,, squints, and puts his hand on his chin in his classic "thinking very hard" face

So ur tending to the garden saying,

" FREDDY! You're supposed to be on lockdown!Vanessa...I'm... a Material Gworl✨️"💀

...Just, on an endless loop LMAO-

...

(Hes trying to see if he recognizes any part of ur language, poor old man 🤔🤔😭)

♤

And it just snowballs even more, and now,

None of you have even tried to say a word to each other. 🤡

(Other than ur vocal stims)

...

Keqing: "Perhaps, it's similar to Fontaine's native language?"

You, in the background: "🎵 dUdE,,, sHe'S jUsT nOt InTo YoU 🎵" (mimicking the autotune and everything)

Ganyu & Keqing: "..."

You: " 🎵 gOtTa MoVe On, mOvE oN-🎵 Hurricane Katrina?? More like Hurricane Tortilla!"

Ganyu & Keqing: "...Can't be,"

"what else do we got? Should we call Yunjin to better mime for us??"

♡

Xiao's the first one to even get close to knowing u can actually talk to each other, bc he's always checking in on u most often <3

And he only heard u bc u swore u heard a monster outside ur house one night and came out ur house with a pitchfork, very nervous,

"...Hey there demons.. it's me.. ya boy."

(And u just keep stimming that out of nervousness to make urself feel better as u check around ur house lol)

Xiao: "??? Demons???!! WAIT-"

♧

By then, it literally took like 6 months for yall to finally have a real conversation 💀💀

...

(Chongyun got so embarassed bc he was one of the first few to misunderstand he overheated rip🙏)

Im. So. Sorry. This. Is. ✨️Ass✨️

Twas the best scenario i could come up with, im telling yall, im not as funny as the ppl who send in these asks 😔

Keep in mind, I never claimed i was funny or a good writer, u cant hold it against me lol /lh

Lower ur expectations LMAO

Well i hope u got sm enjoyment outta this anon, sorry abt the quality!! :)

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

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spearxwind · 9 months

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not to sound weird but what was that work you put in to get where you are 🙏 i want to improve my life so bad but have no clue where to start. even a general gist of things

You dont sound weird! I think it's commendable to want to change your life for the better, and I want to help in any way I can :D

This is also my own perspective but I think a lot of it could be universally applied if you look at it through different lenses of ppls different situations. This also got rly long so I'm putting it under a readmore ^^;

So I had pretty much been isolating myself with increasing ferocity for years until recently. Even when trying to reach out to people I was extremely closed off, keeping my feelings behind many walls and chains always. A lot of my hard work has come from undoing all of that fuckup. I put all my eggs into my online friendships (and even then had a hard time with them).

My behavior was a cluster of personal garbage, learned mannerisms from keeping bad company, and hardwired reactions to specific behaviors. It's something pretty hurtful to realize when you do realize it, but that doesn't mean that you are a bad person or a failure or anything like that. It just means that you have certain bare minimum survival behaviors that worked before but now are only doing you damage, and you have to learn to undo them. (which is a great step!!)

Which brings me to what I have (painfully) learned over the past several years: the basis to any and every good relationship, romantic, platonic, family, or anything is crystal clear communication. Straight up for the love of god communication skills will save your life time and time and time again

And also like I said in earlier posts the solution to wanting to be more social is just BEING more social. This is arguably extremely hard, especially after years of "if they want me around they'll ask me" and always waiting to be invited but not wanting to bother anyone by asking if you can join NO!!!!!!!! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF YOUR BRAIN EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!!!!! It really does NOT work that way at all. People will invite you to things if they see you express interest in them. The same way that in your head you think 'theyll invite me if they want me to go' if they dont see you express interest people will think you dont want to join. If you go someplace and just stay recluse because youre shy they likely will also think "theyre probably not comfortable or dont want to be here, so we wont force them". People are inherently kind and they are definitely NOT thinking about shunting you on purpose (and I am speaking this, genuinely, from personal experience)

While I was studying my major I got close to a group of people and thought of them as my friend group, but they always seemed cold to me, and I rarely got invited to hangouts because they seemed closer among themselves so I ended up always thinking that they didn't really want me around, and created all of these assumptions in my mind about them or what they thought of me.

Years later, recently, I found one of them again just... randomly while walking through the street and we started talking. And in my much better state of mind I asked about this whole thing because I wanted to know how the rest of the group was doing (I care very much for them still) and he revealed to me that THEY were the ones who thought I was shutting myself off of the group bc I didnt wanna be close to them. Which just blew my mind but it made a lot of sense and explained a lot. I was always on my phone too, talking with my internet friends (because it was my comfort zone), so what they'd assumed was that I already had a friend group that I was invested in and so I wasnt going to prioritize them. SO basically this whole thing ended up being resolved with clear communication and would have been solved much earlier if I had just spoken up about it and gotten braver (though my mental state did not let me at the time)

Anytime you are making up assumptions and ultimatums in your mind without communicating them to the other party you should stop and very much go and speak out loud to the other party (or parties) it will genuinely do you good cause huge as hell brain snowballs do nothing but drown you in your own mind.

Also on the being social front, if you dont have the practice in then it will be hard but a lot of it is very much "fake it till you make it" and I genuinely cannot recommend that enough. Inject yourself into conversations and places and act like yourself unapologetically because the secret isnt to craft a persona that you think people will like, its just being yourself and finding people who will love you for who you are. And like I said I just got invested in other ppls plans and asked to be able to go to places, and oftentimes just by expressing interest i got invited "oh I love this show very much!!" "well we have a plan to watch it at my pals house do you wanna come?" "we were planning on going to X place this week" "omg that sounds so cool can I come with" "of course!" Generally people will respond with "the more the merrier" so please dont be afraid to ask. And even if you get a rejection or two it's fine, don't let it discourage you. Some plans are simply not meant to be, and that's totally fine too!

Something else I worked for was reestablishing contact with old highschool friends I'd lost and I missed terribly. I went out of my way to find them again (old phone numbers, old emails, old instagram accounts that hadnt posted since 2019), and I found them!

And most of them really missed me too and were absolutely thrilled I contacted them again, we picked up right where we left off eight years prior. With a lot to catch up to but its genuinely so nice to have them in my life rather than just melancholically thinking about them and wondering if they hated me or anything. Turns out that they had also thought to contact me as well or had tried and lost my phone, or some of them even thought that it was better to leave things as they were to not "stir up shit" so we were all stuck in the same loop of insane thinking without actually confirming it until one of us (me in this case) finally broke the ice (and it took a damn long time too)

The thing is, people are just like you. We all have our own mental nonsense to fight, and we all have our assumptions and propensity to think ourselves into the grave, that's why its so so so so important to communicate things as clearly and as often as possible. Bearing your suffering alone will only make you miserable in the end, and your circle is there to help you

As a last note, I do want to say I have been incredibly lucky, because the friend group I've been adopted into I have met through that one friend from uni that I just HAPPENED to find on the street. I could have not waved him over on the street and just kept walking with my music on and ignored him. I could have said 'no' to his offer to get dinner that day if I'd wanted to be home earlier. I could have never spoken up about liking eurovision and never gotten invited to the hangout where I met my bf. And none of this would have ever happened at all. But that just strengthens my advice of "just say yes and reach out of your comfort zone" because you never know where it's going to lead you!

All this to say:

Communicate clearly with your peers to reduce misunderstandings. More likely than not they'll be in the same boat as you are. (Also extra note. Communication works BOTH WAYS. It needs to come from both parties. It is also a skill you have to nurture and hone!!)

Be kind!! and be loving!! and be yourself unapologetically!!

reach out to people the same way that you'd want to be reached out to. It sucks that sometimes (even often) you have to be the one to do it, but you eventually reap what you sow and people will learn that they can reach out to YOU

People will respond in kind to you being nice to them and a positive energy in their life. Some people will take advantage of it yes, thats just how things are, and its something you have to learn to recognize but you should never let that steel your heart. It is so so so important to remain kind and loving the world needs it so much. We're all out here trying to make our own lives and our loved ones lives a little bit brighter <3

#ask #anon #advice #this is so long and again it is from my perspective but this is what I have done so I am really hoping it helps you #im wishing u the best of luck anon i hope you are able to better your life significantly <3 #please feel free to keep me posted on your progress whenever you make any. be that in a few months or a few years

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ranboo5 · 2 years

Text

The Beeduo Meta

So, c!beeduo is unimaginably hard to analyse for the same reason the entire SMP is hard to analyse, especially in post-Doomsday DSMP when a lot more Offscreen Time became relevant: there are different backfilling assumptions. This is also complicated by the fact that it’s, well, a dynamic, and this fandom has an unimaginably hard time dealing with dynamics, because of “show me the clip” analysis being the norm. This kind of emphasis can be unsuited to dynamic analysis, because individual interactions cannot be taken as by themselves definitive of a dynamic without examining the framework they exist within.

My aim with this post is to establish the patterns we see in c!Ranboo and c!Tubbo’s interactions, to examine each successive one with the context of established precedent in mind, and to assert the thing I have known since February 2021: the framework assumed by the fandom and the framework that actually exists and makes sense to exist (regardless of authorial intent!) are incongruous, to put it lightly.

Will be dropping character tags from now on, but obviously all c! and /rp

Disclaimer also that this is very much coming from a c!Ranboo main – I am trying to do c!Tubbo as much justice as I can but being a boober is going to influence how I come at this, pretty obviously

Ranboo will be referred to with it/its pronouns in a couple places throughout, a) for clarity and b) because I want to

Under a readmore because it’s unimaginably fucking long there is a TL;DR at the bottom

Beeduo starts with imbalanced expectations because of the situation Ranboo shows up into and how Ranboo interacts w/ situations he considers high risk. In New L’Manberg, Ranboo quickly becomes functionally the only one in Tubbo's corner in several important respects. They are genuine friends, dgmw, and at this point it hasn't quite spiraled, but from the start the established dynamic is Ranboo thinking he has to care for Tubbo bc no one else will, and Tubbo ending up with Ranboo being the only one who really appears to respect him as president and stand by his side. Even before the cabinet actually has tensions in it, this is a suspected thing, which is evidenced in the manner in which the cabinet’s dynamics deteriorate as New L’Manberg wears on

Even before this deterioration, this setup is immediately extremely high stakes for Ranboo. One of their first interactions, while Ranboo is still calling Tubbo honorifics uncertainly (which Ranboo doesn't even do generally man is still throwing spaghetti at the wall in terms of how to interact with him), is Ranboo having to talk a tripping-balls Tubbo off a cliff edge while he's standing there high and rambling. Stakes of this kind are not immediately damning, but they can be something that complicates matters if handled poorly. They will be handled poorly.

This precariousness is also immediately dangerous for Tubbo, because Ranboo is a yes man. It knows it needs to comply, or appear to, to maintain its safety and autonomy. In other words, this is a tendency to partial duplicity and disingeniety in the interest of one’s own safety. Ranboo’s apparent alignment with anyone or anything cannot be assumed to be exclusive or even genuine. At this point he genuinely does think the best of Tubbo and his decision making, but this does not last, bc Ranboo takes ppl on good faith and gets disappointed.

As Ranboo befriends like 30 enemies of the state and is also repeatedly reminded of the danger he faces (the Butcher Army, the armor thing, "be loyal"), the stakes only get higher, especially as Tubbo gets more and more unpopular. This culminates in Ranboo’s statement on Doomsday about how he's literally expecting to be executed. This Is Indicative of the stakes he has been and continues to be living under.

Tubbo, meanwhile, has had it told to his face with receipts that Ranboo is a traitor... and immediately enters copium central, blaming it on Ranboo's memory issues. This is setting out a pattern that will continue all the way to Tubbo absolutely refusing to implicate Ranboo in Tommy’s death and beyond – Tubbo cannot consider Ranboo to have the capacity to be a threat. This will be bad for both of them.

For now we go into Snowchester. It is important to note Ranboo is actively afraid of Tubbo at this point. The urgency in his mind ebbs some by the time they get married, but at this point he is actively considering Tubbo a more-than-latent threat. The tower scene happens, which is a continuation of Tubbo being ableist to Ranboo, this time to the point of trying to experimentally cure its memory issues against its wishes – people will say Ranboo said yes technically, and it did, but again remember: Ranboo is a yes man, and it is residually afraid of what Tubbo might do to himself or to Ranboo if it missteps. Consent given under threat is not consent, and it is extremely indicative of what Ranboo actually feels about this happening from his initial resistance, his attempts to weasel out of the procedure/leave early throughout, and his reaction after. In true fashion of a yes man who is trying not to set off alarm bells while keeping his head, he is resistant without openly refusing throughout. To be clear: this is not Tubbo intentionally violating Ranboo's consent (nor are any of the other ensuing experiments and/or proposals). This is their heldover power dynamic. Tubbo is not evil or malicious or anything – the two of them just have a fucked set of expectations, and that set of expectations is not going to improve, because neither of them have the framework to challenge it. Even if Ranboo recognizes something is wrong on a conscious level (which he refuses to as part of the strat), he will not acknowledge it, because of aforementioned tendencies, and Tubbo will not recognize something is wrong, because Tubbo does not have the healthiest ideas abt individual consent and personhood in general, because when in any of DSMP history has anyone shown Tubbo that as a priority? In fact, What Tubbo Thinks about a situation has been repeatedly dismissed, and at this point he has long learned this. To the Joker Tubbo this is just a normal interaction, and he continues to see Ranboo as someone who is at least mostly reliably in his corner, and at least mostly reliably his friend (especially after Exile fucked up his relationship with Tommy), so he has no reason to believe this would be a problem. Bringing this up as an issue is a threat to the stability of their relationship and the surrounding circumstances, which is not tenable; Tubbo has been looking for stability this whole time and is not interested in losing it again, and Ranboo is staking a lot of self-convinced morality on the fact that he's being good to Tubbo technically, and also is still extremely afraid of what Tubbo might do if he isn't there to catch him.

(Literally catch him! There is a scene where Tubbo jumps off a roof shouting for Ranboo to catch him, which idk if cc!Tubbo thought he was in character for, but cc!Ranboo definitely was. You do not react with off-trailing closed-off genuine fear and worry to your friend maybe doing a clown in video games. I know my little guy’s voice that was c!Ranboo I know it was.)

In the absence of being able to unpack the problem, they go for the next best solution to this threat of losing stability, which is to codify that stability by getting married. Michael is part of this. We never got a deeply in character discussion for why they decided to adopt Michael, which leaves us with the interaction where Tubbo is (jokingly?) threatening to “commit adultery,” and Ranboo replies that he can’t because “Michael is our son, Michael is our adopted son." This is evidently news to Tubbo – unsurprisingly, because this is the first time Michael is referred to as anything more than a pet.

Again, absolutely do not get me wrong – both of beeduo are genuinely affectionate for and extremely attached to Michael (Ranboo has so much sentiment and love and kindness in his hearts). The aforementioned scene is also dubiously canon at best – I only mention it at all because the essence of it is consistent with the previous established dynamic and with how it keeps going. They care, and it’s absolutely ridiculous to pretend they don’t, but Michael’s ultimate importance outside the (again, very extant) sentimental aspect is as a prop in the game of house these morons are playing because they are so so so afraid of losing everything – in Tubbo's case, of losing everything again, and in Ranboo's case, of failing to be there for Tubbo and prevent whatever Tubbo does.

Including with the nukes! I didn’t forget about the nuke scene! We’re talking about the nuke scene!!

For those who do not remember the nuke scene, a summary: it takes place shortly after the silo’s inception, before the marriage. Tubbo, obviously jumpy and nervous, asks a visiting Ranboo out of the blue if he wants to see smth secret, and says he’ll just stress Ranboo out to make him forget it afterward. Ranboo, to this offer, says no, he would rather not be intentionally triggered into situational memory loss. This was, however, not an actual offer, as Tubbo ignores him and leads him into the silo anyway.

Tubbo’s literal world destroying weapons bolster the stakes I’ve mentioned earlier that Ranboo perceives in this dynamic; Ranboo, trying to hang on to what could become an extremely dangerous complicating factor, goes to write it down and Tubbo tells him to put the book away. When Ranboo hesitates, Tubbo threatens him. Tubbo is counting on Ranboo’s memory loss here to be able to trust him, after all, as he has before and as he will again.

In fact, this is relevant in the literal next arc beeduo have relevance, which is outpost arc.

I've gone off abt Ranboo's ideology 40 million times and I'll go off abt it more; for Ranboo to function safely he needs an environment where he does not feel surveilled/scrutinized, where he is not subject to others' whims, and where he is not expected to be specifically and exclusively allegiant. See earlier discussion of his yes-man tendencies – he doesn’t want to be that way! These are character flaws and he knows it! But he must keep yes-manning for the sake of surviving in a society that will not give him the ability to breathe!! Ranboo is a mf anarchist for a reason he needs his agency!!!

And you will notice this is not raising green flags for his dynamic w/ Tubbo. Outside of the implicit coercion elements, Ranboo has actual positive motivations to align with Tubbo: he shares Tubbo's desire for peace and stability, and he feels genuinely sentimental and affectionate to Tubbo. Both of them want the same things, because wanting to have a peaceful happy life is a generally appealing goal, and they want to have it together, because they’re friends and care about each other. Unfortunately, they have a radically different understanding of most everything about how to get there, including in regards to personhood. Including what it means to value someone. What it means to be happy. What it means to love someone.

Ranboo does not want to confront this, but outpost-burger arc beeduo is where this conflict makes him. This is the arc where it is made absolutely unambiguous that Ranboo and Tubbo have a dynamic where neither can love the other like the other loves him, because they have fundamentally philosophically different understandings of what that even means. "Maybe he built those walls to protect me" KILLING ME WOULD HURT LESS, RANBOOLIVE

(While we are here, and I am getting a glass of water to calm down, re: the love point: the romanticity, platonicity, queerplatonicity, etc. of it is not the relevant part the point is that it's philosophically in com fucking patible. Are we clear. Are we clear this is not relevant discourse. Good. Okay)

Ranboo is suffering increasing confusion and confabulation and stress as the arc goes on, almost certainly bc he is again in a political situation; he makes explicit that this is another instance of it "happening again", like he did at the worst parts of his spirals irt his situation in New L’Manberg. Tubbo is not the only factor in this; Ranboo has complicated dynamics w/ Quackity and the cookieduo (Ranboo and Slime) arc is also relevant, but Tubbo is Ranboo's first priority and Ranboo is putting his brain thru the blender for him! We do not see him in a comparable consistent state like this at any point except New L’Manberg! Ranboo is fucked up in outpost arc!! And Tubbo obviously is too; the entire arc is about his lash-out and he is obviously paranoid doing it. And both of these only make it clear that the unbalanced expectations the whole dynamic was built on, of reliance on Ranboo as specially in Tubbo’s corner, are still fucking there

Ranboo’s behavior is extremely worth scrutinizing here. When Q sends Fundy and I am pretty sure Foolish? to go check out the outpost and they trash it on the way there, Ranboo cleans it up (and leaves threats, which is not a Hinged Action and is something he knows is self-compromising, which goes to show his state of mind) w/ the explicit motivation of keeping it from Tubbo. Ranboo talks to Quackity abt Tubbo and repeatedly makes excuses abt how Tubbo is neurodivergent and a minor, and sure, it says the same thing about itself, but then it continues saying similar shit to rationalize Tubbo's behavior on its own. Ranboo has very expressed interest in portraying Tubbo, both to any audience it has AND to itself, as someone who is not responsible for his actions, because he’s Going Through A Lot, and it has been doing that since the mention of the experiments/tower scene in character.

Tubbo has to cling to the idea that Ranboo's treasonous tendencies are tied to his memory loss. Ranboo has to cling to the idea that Tubbo’s erratic and violent behavior all doesn't really matter bc Tubbo is ~ twaumatized ~, because he “has a lot of problems,” and they both have to cling to their ableist copium, because if they don’t, then each has to admit that his husband would hurt him, and in fact has.

Outpost arc is also where we get "you'd tell me if I was a bad person right" "yeah I’d tell you if you step out of line" – I talk about it in connection to the things I’ve discussed earlier more in depth here, but further: it’s extra chilling when you consider 1) Ranboo does not genuinely concur with Tubbo's philosophies, is not kept safe by them and he knows that when in his right state of mind as evidenced by his active ever-present weaseling-out-of-this maneuvers; 2) that Ranboo is demonstrably extremely good at aforesaid weaseling; and 3) that he is extremely ideologically critical and fiercely independent and arrogant, all the time! And this is the evidence point for what I say in the tags of that ask: Tubbo is the closest on the server to come to ever having control over Ranboo ideologically

Ranboo is so good at 5D chess. Ranboo outmaneuvered Wilbur and Quackity and Dream. Ranboo, increasingly freely, is able to disagree and bring up concerns to Phil and Techno (not fully obv but more than everyone else he talks to lmao), whom broadly he agrees with and has seen the benefit of the philosophies of, but still doesn’t think are Fully Correct, because he doesn’t think that about anyone but himself. But with Tubbo, Ranboo conceded so much that he could have lost the game if Tubbo hadn't proceeded to fold during the burger arc. And Tubbo didn't even know! He didn't even realize anything was off!!

That fold is the next relevant point in this torrid saga. Tubbo reaches a breaking pt with Wilbur's return; Ranboo gets even more visibly freaked out at all times bc of the complicating situation; it’s here when we get the conversation where Tubbo talks abt the outpost and having signed it over.

This hits Ranboo in a way Tubbo is going to miss, because, again, when has anyone on the DSMP given Tubbo a precedent for caring about that? He has literally 0 example reason to consider all the work™ that any individual put into a project as far as he’s concerned that’s not going to work. Ranboo, unfortunately, not only does, but also has RSD. This already hurts. And then Tubbo makes the to-him extremely innocuous statement that yeah, now that he has a job and a faction and a direction that he isn't buckling under the weight of losing, he's finally happy

Ranboo, who is extremely dubious abt LNV's labor conditions anyway, fully hears that Tubbo never needed him. Tubbo is finally happy in service to the exact construct that Ranboo has repeated concrete evidence fucks himself and everyone around him, Tubbo included, up. Ranboo hears that he has been soundly cucked by the concept of sides, to put it a little facetiously. He has been checkmate liberals’d.

(This, understandably, does nothing for his mental state.)

And before I continue I must mention again: Ranboo and Tubbo do care about each other. They do legitimately want the best for each other. They have legitimately bonded, and are genuine friends (&c).

But you also have to remember that Ranboo is extremely calculating, and if you’ll also recall, he is still in a high stakes and high delicacy political situation where he has to be making a lot of those calculations. Now, he's just heard that he was never needed for one of his primary goals. Yes, this hurts, but it carries an important second significance to those calculations: if keeping Tubbo stable was never Ranboo’s doing, this is a reason to deprioritize it.

And that is how we go into Hitting on Sixteen/The Wilbur Van. That is why Ranboo is able to snap at Tubbo in Ho16/TWV. The sheer contrast between the "I'll tell you if you step out of line" agreement and Ranboo dismissing and yelling at Tubbo in this is the biggest and clearest indicator – and the deciding difference is that in Ho16, Ranboo has the goddamn burger van interaction in his information bank, the one where Ranboo was told that his concerns were useless and could be deprioritized. He has been functionally dismissed from his post – he no longer has to worry about appearing good and trustworthy and respectful to Tubbo, and with greater things hanging over his head than maintaining those appearances, he goes full mask off. He prioritizes mitigating Wilbur over mitigating Tubbo in that scene, and he feels bad about it bc he likes Tubbo, and he feels bad for yelling at him, especially considering he is lying – dismissal of everyone who isn’t himself aside, Ranboo knows just fine that Wilbur is dangerous and doing something harmful! He is lying!!

But that's the thing with Ranboo. Ranboo will lie to fucking anyone. It will lie to your motherfucking face with full confidence, and then it'll feel soooo bad about it later, it'll tear him up inside, and you will hear about none of it, and he'd do it again, because it'll be another calculated concession. Because Ranboo is a yes man and a survivor and a political agenda haver and is balancing like 478363 conflicting priorities at any given time because he has to

So it lies. It mansplains Wilbur Soot to Tubbo (and I do not use that word as a joke I use it as shorthand) and it lies and it can do this so immediately because it did not have to lose or shake a long-standing respect for Tubbo – at that point, its initial wisps of respect for Tubbo had been disintegrated and gone for months. He was never trustworthy to Tubbo – Tubbo put his trust and his reliance in a liar and a traitor, because Ranboo's lies were the only semblance of respect and understanding he got, and it was against what both of them wanted for Tubbo to realize that ever. Tubbo is married to a motherfucking stranger.

Tubbo appeals to a better person that Ranboo isn't, to a loyalty Ranboo never really had, and bc Ranboo doesn't have to pretend to respect him anymore Tubbo gets berated and condescended to, again. Like I cannot emphasize this shit enough! Ranboo was shit to Tubbo in that scene, and even if he had sacrificed himself for Tubbo, it wouldn’t have done fuck anything to address how awful he was in that moment and why it was so deeply such. And Ranboo didn’t even “sacrifice himself”! People made that up!

Yes, Ranboo's political motivation was in large part that Tubbo, someone he cared about, was being repeatedly endangered and used as a prop from where Ranboo was standing, and Ranboo found that kind of mistreatment of a person he cared for the wellbeing of untenable. He cared about that, genuinely, because he cares about people and about their individual safeties, and even when he hurts them it’s, again, a concession. It’s something he wants to avoid. So Tubbo is in danger and Ranboo acts in the capacity of his care for Tubbo and gets Tubbo out, makes sure that materially his loved one is safe – and then, having dealt with the danger to people, turns around and deals with ideology.

It's not for Tubbo that it kills itself, because Ranboo, again, cares about people. Ranboo killing himself did nothing for Tubbo, and it fucking knows that; Ranboo’s critical eye is extremely good at seeing past the notion that benefit to some ideology is necessarily the same as benefit to some person without being able to draw a clear line to the effects that ideology has on that person. The division between effect on people and effect on system – the concept that the ideologies one live under affect people rather than breathe as them, and that they thus have to justify that effect being good rather than having symbolic gestures take priority over individuals – is the whole motherfucking point of people not sides.

Ranboo killed himself as a symbolic gesture in service to a rhetorical point he was making to Wilbur and Quackity. Ranboo killed himself to win at 5D chess. Ranboo thoughtlessly made it so his husband watched him die, because after saving Tubbo, he had bigger things to worry about.

Ranboo killing himself is, extremely intentionally both in universe and out, evocative of Wilbur doing so because in a sense it was for Wilbur, and it was thought out. Ranboo’s suicide was not nonsensical revenge; it was not emotional protectiveness; it was the callous, cruel, condescending, twisted logic of a man who has shown this flaw in its ways of thinking again and again and whose lack of sleep the night before was specifically emphasized. Ranboo reaches drastic action and violence when he finds himself when he finds himself desperate and alone in the corner he’s backed into, and left with his own mind and only his own mind, he thinks himself into the deranged awfulness of the brainspace he was in when he made the decision. Though the choice itself was likely spontaneous, it was a culminating manifestation of a thought process that had been building for this kind of opportunity the whole time.

Yes, Ranboo is emotional; yes, Ranboo is sentimental; Ranboo does, however, think with his fucking head. He does it too much, in fact, and here he thought with his head into deprioritizing Tubbo, and functionally leaving Tubbo behind while he pursued his own agenda – which is really what he had been doing all a-fucking-long; he'd just been lying about it out of worry and fear, and Tubbo had believed him out of desperation.

The love was there, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was the need, and the desperate belief from both of them that the other could fulfill that need.

TL;DR: - Beeduo is based on a fundamentally imbalanced dynamic where Tubbo trusts Ranboo to be in his corner in a way no one else really is - This is bad because of the expectations it places on Ranboo and because of the way that it’s not something that Tubbo can actually rely on - The second Ranboo was no longer coercively held to pretending, everything fell through - Both of them clung for the longest time to ableist copium that dismissed the other’s capability to harm him to get away from the fact that they have already hurt each other and continue to - While they care about each other, their understandings of personhood, love, relationships, agency, and happiness are fundamentally at odds

TL;DRTL;DR: Ranboo is a liar and Tubbo is an auth

#Dream SMP #Tubbo #Ranboo #beeduo #c!beeduo critical #c!Ranboo critical #c!Tubbo critical #you are not immune #for the approval of the forum #FINALLY. FINALLY AFTER ALL THIS TIME #SEVENTEEN MONTHS. 4.1K WORDS.

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jacenotjason · 8 months

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Can we just get some rambles about your AU, like nothing specific, just like little details you haven’t had the ask or idea to express artistically? I just love any little details about this AU (Howdy’s little finger beans)

AAAAA oh my god YES here’s some rambles from the depth that is this AU! Random factoids and snippets and hehehheheh

(Oh hey and checkout the AU itself!)

Hiding this under a ‘readmore’ becasue FUCK I WENT ON A RANT HAUIDA- i tried to stop i swear

OPEN THE FLOOD GATES!!

I HAVE PLAYLISTS FOR ALL THE CHARACTERS!! Ive been thinking about how to share them for awhile bc I LOVE these playlists and they help my brain rot on this AU but mm! Just wanted to get that out there im holding onto these

Something people didn’t catch was that in this animation, which is supposed to take place around the time Eddie moved into the neighborhood, he had his mail hat! But, currently, he doesn’t! That’s not because he lost it, Howdy actually stole it! Howdy immediately attempted to scam Eddie when he first arrived, stealing his hat and trying to sell it back to him, but he did not know that Eddie would not give a fuck. Howdy thought Eddie cared way more about his job then he actually does. So, Eddie’s hat is still currently decaying under Howdy’s desk.

All the characters have trauma or something depressing about them… except Julie! I’m not sure why but I just.. never came up with something reasonable for her backstory. I came up with a lot of ideas, but a lot of them seemed to cliche and controversial? Like, one of my ideas was some sort of sex working trauma, but I thought oooh of course you gave the most feminine character the sex working backstory! Another idea was eating disorder trauma, but again, ooh i gave the fem one the ED! The same thing happened with SA trauma, it all just felt so… cliche. And I felt like I would get a lot of backlash if I tried to implement this. So.. im still working on it!

^ originally Franks backstory was going to be completely SA related, but I changed that. Still not spoiling how, though.

^^ also I really liked the sex working idea! Because I think it would be interesting if thats how Eddie and her met. Not that Eddie bought sex from her, but that they like worked together and slowly became friends! Eddie kept her safe n stuff, beat the shit out of ppl that didnt pay yknow? Explored a deeper level of understanding between them

Ive been daydreaming about attempting to make my own little bootleg “play fellow exhibition” not nearly to the extent that Clown did, but just some sort of fake “restored” things! Maybe even fake interviews with those that remember the show! Ive even recorded some lines, of my own voice, of fake voice clips restored from the show. I haven’t had the confidence to post any of them just yet aa. I think my Eddie impression is IMPECCABLE though. Maybe bc I have a southern accent

^ also if this isnt obvious this AU is still a show being restored by a team, the show is just the adult parody ive created here. Ill be sure to specify if i ever post something restoration-lore-related!

The number of fingers they have is inconsistent, and that is not lore related! I am just an idiot! You might notice that sometimes they have 5, sometimes they have 4. I.. have no actual reason for this. I literally just.. forget! Im literally currently drawing a piece with Julie and Sally where they both have 5 fingers. Why?? Bc the reference I used was of two human girls so!! Just wanted to put it out there, that is not on purpose

I hide a lot of secrets in my art. Bc its fun. If you ever see something in my art thats a little too dark, feel free to up the brightness and see what you find. Does something sort of look like Morse code? Feel free to try it out! I’ll give you a hint, I have used both of these techniques to hide secrets in my art already. The Morse code one is really hard to find, though, so props to you if you find it!

I like to think that the AU’s show is like Rick and Morty. It started out this comedic, very clearly adult-humored show, but slowly the characters had lore! People started watching not for the humor but for the interesting characters. Like when Rick was revealed to have a depressing story with his wife and all that, it was the same as when ppl first found out about Frank’s strange amnesia and PTSD. Like “?? Who put lore in my funny adult comedy??” Yknow what i mean

^ i like to think there was some mind-bending moment where it was revealed Frank doesnt remember anything about his childhood and everyone watching was like :O

Originally in the show, (like season one), the characters were the way they are to make fun of those things. Confusing, but what i mean is that Poppy was a trans woman to make fun of trans people, Eddie and Frank were to make jokes about gay ppl, etc. but SIKE once the show got more seasons and got lift off they became actual characters instead of just jokes! The creators just wanted to make ppl love the show before they made the gay characters actually have personalities, so they couldn’t get cancelled prematurely! HA SUCKERS!!

FFUck okay i think i got it all out of me?? Idk feel free to ask again in like a month maybe more shit will have accumulated in my brain

#thanks for the serotonin!#no seriously #THANK YOU #i needed that so bad #welcome home #welcome home opposite au #welcome home au #eddie dear #frank frankly #sally starlet #howdy pillar #julie joyful #barnaby b beagle #poppy partridge #Wally darling #welcome home arg #welcome home puppet show #welcome home puppet arg

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soldier-poet-king · 9 months

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career anxiety which turned into existential dread which turned into me guiltily defending my use of stories as narrative framing devices for my own life & human existence as storytelling more broadly (smthn smthn sometimes you gotta be a little mentally unwell to be mentally well)

what is possibly the longest cringe worst thing ive ever put on this webbed site, but i gotta get it out in writing to clear my head and i type more quickly than i write and if there's a post length limit by god i'm gonna find out

with my deepest apologies if this readmore doesnt work

so we had a Big Fancy Meeting at work today, with a group of information professionals from an Outside Institution (some of whom i had met previously), and which i got to sit in on/play tech support for, which was all fine and well for the actual presentation portion of the event, but afterwards when it was informal chatting and the like it was just???

The following things are true:

i actually got to speak with people close-ish to my age and in my profession

it was a very nice and enjoyable experience and we got to talk both seriously about professional things and also jokingly shoot the shit about shared woes with this one outdated archival software that everyone under the age of 60 hates with a passion

i was also incredibly jealous of this group of archivists & librarians because they're all /friendly/ with each other and i am lonely being the youngest person at work

i am also jealous because theyre working on very exciting projects at A Big Institution with Actual Resources and Technology and PROCEDURES my beloved, and not the slapdash kinda thing going on at my work

this in turn made me anxious because there were certain elements of the conversation i couldn't follow and i worry about my professional development at my current job, and that my technical skills are either atrophying, or not growing in a way that would enable me to get hired at A Big Institution like this one (which is the ultimate goal)

this in turn made me more stressed about my current job, which i just got promoted to fulltime permanent for the following

beyond the skill atrophy fear there is also the fact that my boss is grooming me to be her successor when she retires in 5 yrs and i very Much Do Not Want to be here in 5 years

this adds several layers of guilt

i was just promoted so im getting really sweet messages of congrats from random ppl in other departments who i didnt even think knew/care i existed - the people at this workplace are extremely nice, even if im like. meh. about some of the work/procedures/etc

a large part of my promotion being approved hinged on the fact that im undertaking this big technical project that my boss doesnt have the technical know-how to do. so i cant just bail and leave them high and dry without feeling guilt. but also. it's not so fancy a project that someone else couldnt do it. anyone in my field worth their salt and not super old should be able to handle it. sure i work hard and im friendly, but surely that's not that rare in an employee

i dont even KNOW if there's better opportunities out there. but i see stuff on the listserv all the time, and assuming i could land those jobs, they pay better and are at larger orgs and more in line with what i want

there is an element to working non-profit adjacent that is guilt inducing as well as [redacted thing about my work that would make me feel even guiltier for leaving, i cannot say what, but it is Significant]

this of course, tapped into my larger, ongoing sense of ennui and being 'stuck' and fears about unchosen monotony and purposelessness and all that mid 20s recent grad existential bullshit. i cant really do anything to solve it bc yknow, unprecedented housing crisis, rent is insane, im stuck living in a dysfunctional household which traumatized me as a child, etc etc etc. but broadly:

i am afraid of being stuck in a mediocre job forever. my boss has worked for two (2) archives her whole life and has always done non-profit adjacent work and is like. a one man small archive thing. i VERY MUCH DO NOT WANT THAT

i feel guilty for wanting

idk how to want things or be a person (separate issue), but i know very much what i want career wise. i know what makes me happy and satisfied. and i know what im good at. im doing fine at my current job but i know i could be so much MORE and i want that desperately

if my personal life is always doomed to be dismal, as is my family life, can i at least have one thing

i gave up academia for my mental health and some degree of financial stability, can i at least satisfy SOME of my ambitions here?? just a few??

yes this is pride. yes this is ambition. just bc i spent so long extremely depressed and with 0 self esteem does not make me immune to ambition, even if non traditional.

i feel immense guilt over this but i dont stop wanting it

ofc, my brain is a web, all existence is inextricably interconnected, and im listening to the tge audiobook on my commute and rotating csevet in my brain, thara is more personal, more beloved maybe, but csevet is my fave lil guy babygirl and i have a thing for fantasy secretaries, so i am now thinking even MORE of ambition, and how i have it, and how i love that im good at this one complex but boring thing, i am thinking of kip mdang, of kamet, of muire lo, of how some of my deepest loves, in no particular order, include: organization and scheduling, devotion, competency, well-ordered policies and procedures, righteous anger, boring skills being used to change the world for good, small kindnesses, Duty, loyalty to a person or ideal which goes beyond the functional and the expected and which extends into unprecedented levels of intimacy - whether it be friendship, qprs, romance, etc, and also, metadata and research

so. as i sit there sorting this all out in my brain i am like. wow you are a pathetic human being. you are not even a person. like. why is everything being framed in terms of narrative and story. why does everything relate to a Broader Theme or Arc or Meaning.

i am forcibly reminded of being undiagnosed, unmedicated, aged 18/19 and trying to explain smthn really personal about myself to someone i knew from youth group and him being like. wow. you describe everything and relate to everything from stories.

to this day i live in embarassment over this moment. but also. lowkey. fuck him. and tradcath circles be WILD, the social dynamics BAD, and it was not the place for me to be, even tho i latched on to it lacking any other social contact at the time. if a complete mental breakdown, latent OCD, and a really painful loss of friends is what it took to get me out. like. i cant say i dont regret the loss, but also, i like who im becoming much better now

ANYWAY. i got thinking about stories and why i am and am not extremely cringe

i am a big believer in storytelling is the oldest human activity. it's the most fundamental human activity. this isn't some nihilistic devaluing of the human person, the soul, the human experience, it is instead and elevation of the story. because like. stories are what we do to live. it's why we live. it's how we communicate. storytelling is how we turn to another person and we attempt to communicate the innermost secrets of our heart. language is a flawed tool always ultimately falling short. but we use stories to share ourselves with each other, to be recognized and known, and throughout the ages, to share our grief and love, to know to oneself, no, i'm not the only one, others have experienced this before too. stories are balms and inspirations and are ultimately reflections of their creators, they reflect some Truth about the human experience back to us

im not even talking like. published stories. tv shows. mcu ification of media. i mean /stories/. in whatever form. from whatever time. this isn't a fandom thing - though there is overlap, im not talking about consumption for the sake of consumption, or consumption as a personality trait

i mean like. stories as the bedrock of humanity because it is the only way we can attempt to understand ourselves. stories are foundational because the human person is too complex, having too much of the image of the divine in it, to ever be really fully successfully understood. and so of course. of course we turn to stories in times of trouble, and triumph, and all the times in between. how could we not turn to stories to attempt the divine understanding that is always ultimately beyond us?

(i have a whole other locked and loaded series of thoughts on storytelling in faith traditions, and specifically how the bible is a literary work as well as a spiritual one, and the reasons for this reflected in the human soul, but i digress)

so really. maybe i am pathetic and cringe and a fake not real person (i am all of those things), but i hope it's not because i think in stories, in themes, in arcs. everything is tangled in my brain, inextricable, i can do nothing else, i know nothing else, i would not want anything else, unless it were the full divine understanding beyond mortal means

and besides. i am trying. to be better. to be more. to have comforts and hobbies beyond this. the crafting. the cooking. the career ambitions that arose when i found something that i was good at and enjoyed and was /me/. my insatiable need to learn to dance.

i dont know where im going with this. i barely know where i started. it's stories all the way down, because it's people all the way down, and we are all mirrors of each other and we are all connections with each other in a vast caring world. or. so i like to think

#franposting #long post #im so sorry but also i needed this so.#smthn smthn you go to the circus (my blog) dont be surprised when there's clowns (me) etc etc #i had to take a break in the middle of typing this bc i got worn out emotionally #should that have been a sign to stop? maybe. but i cant read so that sign wont stop me etc #this is the most embarassing cringe thing i have ever posed in my ELEVEN YEARS on this site #ah well #gotta weed out the weak. natural selection for my horribleness #and now. i am going to play bg3 for a bit. and then read. and then bed bc alas. commuting

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inchidentally · 5 months

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tricky asks below! pls do not rb as that removes the readmore for some reason and I want to keep these out of tags <3

the fact that we're having to to discuss friendzoning about two friends anon we're really in it now aren't we

I want to take a moment direct ppl to this interview if they like Carlos tho bc his interviews are always so intelligent and thoughtful. you also get a much more authentic persona out of him when he speaks in Spanish. there are more videos on that account from that interview too.

I love that he listed Checo and Fernando so highly bc of course he gravitates toward ppl he can speak to in his born language. the three of them personality wise are pretty different but whenever they move toward each other you can tell they're in compatriot mode.

but yea what he said re Lando and racing is exactly what Lando says - and what nobody ever wants to post except begrudgingly. the 'bromances' are dressed way up by fans and media but there is no deeper narrative and it's not that serious. when they're driving, all friends disappear bc winning is the only reason to even be in F1 let alone the only way to stay in it for certain. even the comments on videos like that are next to nothing bc they're not "shippy" videos. but it's authentic and true that these guys are F1 drivers first and foremost and wayyyy after that it's nice to have some regular buddies to hang with. we should all be able to put shipping aside and appreciate the actual drivers these guys are and the fact that they can put aside their intense competitiveness to be so friendly.

asgfkasgfksag I love that last part anon. fr I've found it so funny that the larrie carlandos class Oscar in with all the women they despise bc it threatens their ship. it's like sexy Brazilian woman, sexy European woman, sexy IG Baddie, and... Oscar.

that's wild though about lestappen having their own larries. how in the hell do ppl look at Charles and Carlos and even bother pretending they dislike let alone hate each other. we literally have real life F1 examples of teammates who are neutral/uninterested in each other w KMag and Hulk and teammates who bitterly hate each other w Ocon and Gasly. if Charles and Carlos were even in a dislike/disinterest category we wouldn't see them giggling and touching right up to the last day at Abu Dhabi this year. and side note but we also wouldn't see their gfs enjoying spending time together during races and events either, which Alex and Rebecca do.

I've seen that too it's insane. when has Lando NOT considered Silverstone the most important race on the calendar for him?? and nothing will beat his high over that podium until his actual win, nothing. (the fact that he kept saying how Oscar deserved to be up there with him was just the icing on the cake)

and like can they please just remember here that Lando was excited and happy on that podium in Singapore for himself as well???? that his own result meant more to him than a Ferrari driver?? yes he was happy for Carlos but Lando is sort of an actual F1 driver and if he could've knocked Carlos' ass aside and gotten that top spot for himself he very. much. would. have!! and that the double podiums that followed meant more to him bc y'know the team he drives for get more points?? carlando is a miniscule part of Lando's F1 career and Carlos is less a part of his life than Max V in terms of drivers who spend non-driving related time with him. after that being George, Alex and Daniel. and then Carlos.

yea honestly I'm not sure if the larry element has always been in carlando fandom and the latest Netflix/Liberty Media commercialization of the ship has just amplified it or if these are a bunch of new ppl who only go for the unhinged accounts. but that side of the ship literally view Lando as someone who responds to Carlos and does nothing else so huge shock that they try to override his actual choices and his actual race weekend with Carlos literally years after Carlos left him for Ferrari.

I'm guessing it's enraging watching Carlos do with Charles all the jokey sexual/romantic things they kept wanting him to do w Lando but sorry folks for all that we slow down certain moments and obsess over them sharing an umbrella to walk down the pit lane it's literally brotherly behavior. I've got another anon who brought up my tags of carlando being Charles and Arthur and it straight up is. all the physical carlando stuff is what they do. and I say this as someone who fully does twist all those carlando moments into something romantic/sexual lol. but gotta be able to keep that line between reality and fantasy.

fortunately Lando is chronically online enough to brush this crap off and Carlos just sees the carlando fan stuff as decent publicity. but fingers crossed it doesn't escalate even further to Sky Sports or F1 pushing it and fans getting so crazed that Lando or Carlos has to put their foot down. if it's already swamping McLaren social media and Lando's fan accounts then expect it to get even worse.

the lack of Oscar's presence in all of these places is probably the lamest thing bc good lord the guy has a long term gf can they all admit that as Lando's ACTUAL teammate he has more relevance to Lando's career than any former teammate? and can McLaren please get their act together next season and bring back Unboxeds and stop splitting up Lando and Oscar content when they never did this with Carlos or Daniel?? sorry Oscar ain't a wacky character but we all happen to love his dynamic with Lando.

you just answered that question anon and it's exactly why I can't believe they want carlando back as teammates. as things are we get to have a nice sprinkle of carlando content throughout the season and no drama! do they truly want silly challenges videos so badly that they want to watch the entire friendship sink like a stone now that Lando would be challenging and beating Carlos AND that now it would be Lando as first driver and not Carlos? the Sainz family's warmth is there bc they never had to see Lando as a direct competitor or hindrance to Carlos' success. they'd turn on him in a fucking second when Carlos didn't get an update and Lando did or Carlos wanted to change the car but Lando didn't or Lando was the reason why Carlos missed out on a podium. the main reason why Charles and Carlos work so well through the drama is that they're such similar people and can keep a level head and distance from it all. Lando is n o t h i n g like Charles' personality. Lando cannot translate frustration and misery into anything, it just sits with him until he does better. Carlos literally said he didn't know what to do with Lando when he'd get into those funks. imagine all the god awful repeats of that carlando "breakup" clip from 2021 bc Lando can't hide anything on his face and he'd be fed up with Carlos or his family or himself and christ.

it would be so. so very bad. can they at least be happy that Lando's got a nice placid easygoing guy in Oscar as a teammate and carlando content still rolls in.

I could def see the fact that Oscar is neither older brother or younger brother age for Lando and they do all the same gen z references and the same hobbies is probably part of whatever they perceive as a "threat". like it's still such a reach but it would explain the way Lando fan accounts try to post as little Lando with Oscar as possible but dredge up 2019 slowed down Carlos shoulder bumps and shit lol.

truly I personally don't know if the Oscar and Carlos dingdongs play much of a part for carlando fans bc honestly Carlos has quite a few regular enemies on the track alsgfjlsagf. by this time they've got to know that. Carlos sometimes can't drop the red mist even hours after a race so Oscar just happens to have come in for a share in his rookie season! but especially with how much Carlos has actually seemed to chum around with Oscar before and after drivers parades etc (even ignoring Lando a couple times to do so !!!!!! gasp horror etc)

side note that I'd honestly be glad if Oscar chose never to get into golf bc ohhhhh the shit fit if he went golfing at the same time as Lando and Carlos. even though Lando golfs with tons of people and they always play in fours anyway.

I still personally think that the mostly straight women who buy into the bromances to the point of thinking this is how gay relationships actually look are pretty cold toward Oscar bc even Lando has said that Oscar's brought out a new level in Lando's driving and that he likes how calm Oscar is. so the fact that Oscar and Lando aren't fake gaying it up and they're also not doing a bunch of physical touch that can be edited and slowed down to look gay to those women has got to look like Lando being I guess unhappy or like they have no chemistry. so they'll allow that Oscar can be cute sometimes and maybe sometimes he can be cute with Lando. for a treat. but that in their mind Lando is meh about Oscar and is just dying to have the guy back who... actively chose to leave ??

I never saw that cartoon but I remember one from the summer that had Lando and Oscar together in a boat - SHIP CONFIRMED???? CARLANDO OVER??

jesus christ thankfully the drivers never see these comments.

and yikes at the meltdowns over that Carlos trip to Monaco bc he was with Rebecca the whole time and rumors were that they were looking at apartments. I do hate myself for liking gossip but it's literally in a sit back and enjoy the madness way lol.

askfgakg anon are you by any chance part of the sainz family?

(if I didn't answer your ask here it's probably bc it's something I'd rather discuss privately/don't want to stir up in fandom. feel free to message me tho <3 tumblr may also have devoured it bc it still does that sometimes)

#inchreplies #wank adjacent #do not reblog

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betagrove · 3 months

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I think it's funny how close Kingdom Hearts keeps getting to having interesting things to say about gender politics with its character plots but it always renders itself moot bc it thinks the gender roles in question are awesome & real & true actually. Readmore for ppl who dgaf about kingdom heart

KH1 & CoM are both really refreshing takedowns of Sora & Riku(& Repliku)'s toxic masculinity and possessiveness / rivalry over Kairi. KH1 casts Riku as in the wrong for trying at all costs to be Kairi's savior and "beat" Sora for her affection, and admonishes him for selfishness and ego, but then CoM turns around and puts a mirror in front of Sora to go "Hey, asshole, that could so easily be you too." It shows that even if Sora doesn't directly want control over women the way Riku did over Kairi or Ansem wanted over the Princesses of Heart, his attitude towards Kairi / Naminé still strips them of their personhood.

Naminé herself has a great arc in CoM of seeking a form of existence through recognition & affection via Sora / Repliku, but coming herself to the conclusion that this charade is harmful to all of them, and reluctantly letting go of them both, now relying only on herself. She then goes on to lend perspective to Xion, Riku, and Roxas when they needed it most, and becomes kind of a symbol of emotional maturity & doing the right thing even when it's hard (through Reverse/Rebirth, Days, KH2, and Coded she is a major player setting up dominoes behind the scenes for every victory we win up through KH3)

This is of course downplayed by the rest of the series refusing to allow Kairi to do anything but be a damsel in distress (even when she gets a keyblade in KH2 she isn't allowed to use it ??), and minimizing the importance of Naminé's contributions to the plot, then refusing to give her any sort of catharsis like Roxas got (they even revert her arc of self-determination by giving her Riku (guy who was like vaguely coworkers with her under Ansem TW and I guess refused to kill her one time) to provide the masculine hero figure she harmed herself trying to chase in CoM)

Then Terra's reprisal of the connection between toxic masculinity & darkness in BBS is pretty interesting too. He's actually not a particularly egotistical, selfish, or violent guy in the beginning. When he loses mastery to Aqua at the trial, he's understandably crestfallen, but instead of lashing out, he seeks guidance. Unfortunately Xehanort, a male figure of authority, gets under his skin and espouses to him that anger and violence are integral to who he is as a man & individual. Even then, Terra is opposed to this idea, ashamed that he succumbed to urges of anger against Braig in Radiant Garden, but Xehanort continues to isolate him from his family & convince him that they are unable to understand him. He's told / shown over and over that the only way to protect those he loves is through domination & power, and it culminates in his fight against Eraqus (who is similarly short-sighted here) where you unlock the Dark Impulse command style and strike him down. The death of his master drives his anger even further, turning it back on Xehanort, playing into the long-con and getting him bodysnatched. He ultimately fails to save anyone through imposing his power over others.

Aqua has a similar but contrasting arc of being isolated from her family, but in her case she's just getting wildly parentified / diagnosed with Oldest Sister Disorder. She's also taught that Terra's darkness is inherent to who he is, and that it's her responsibility to handle all the emotional burdens singlehandedly without any system of support. She's lead to feel that anything bad that happens / Terra & Ven's decisions she disagrees with are due to her failure as a leader, leaving her unable to see the real external factors causing these events. After getting some clue of what's really going on, she is able to put Terra & Ven in the safest possible positions in the aftermath of the story climax, but only by continuing to sacrifice herself, dropping into the Realm of Darkness, still feeling like their fates are her fault. 0.2 gives us some fun stuff of her dealing with her low self-esteem & guilt, and she ultimately plays another important role in sealing the Door to Darkness in KH1 by saving Mickey and Riku.

Then in KH3 Aqua gets turned Nortmode by a random darkness attack (not any of the legit trauma she had or being in literal hell for 10 years?), saved by Sora without any hand in her own liberation, then continues on to job against Vanitas so she can be saved by her little brother, then get paid dust the rest of the game. Meanwhile Terra gets to do a bunch of cool shit & then Eraqus shows up at the end to be like "Terra you're the man of the house now and in charge" as if the whole point of BBS wasn't that the most important thing was communication & understanding between these 3 instead of offloading responsibility / leadership onto either Terra or Aqua. Sigh

#xion is very much this too lol though i think its not as bad ?

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paceplace · 9 months

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Top 5 NPC toons!

okay so this was actually a bit difficult for me to answer because there are a lot of NPC toons i like LOL. answer under a readmore bc this got long

1) lil oldman. while i do get why a portion of the community disliked him (especially if you came from tto) i personally was always fond of him! this is mainly because he's one of the few npc's in tto who actually had a personality but also the more i think about it, it almost feels like the folks at disney were poking fun at how grindy it's own game was when designing his taskline? like you could pick up it was grindy at certain points prior but they really weren't holding back at that point. it's kind of a cruel joke in hindsight but it's amusing in a messed up sort of way.

clash's take on oldman is also incredibly funny. the way they wrote his dialogue is so good you can tell they had fun with it. i really loved how they referenced both the trading card lore (brrrgh's existence w/ the air conditioner) and the frustrations ppl had with tto oldman's taskline in the dialogue. even though clash wants to distance itself from the original game as much as possible, seeing stuff like that in-game truly warms my heart.

2) barnacle bessie. kind of a hot take but i said this before and i'll say it again: bessie did NOTHING wrong and i will die on this hill!! i always found it odd that ppl viewed bessie's actions towards misty as unreasonable/cruel esp when it's been established multiple times that the cogs have been stealing their resources and harming them. it comes off as ppl seeing bessie defend herself as a bad thing which is really backwards, imo. i think you can feel bad for misty while acknowledging that by being affiliated with a company that actively harms the toons, she will be viewed as untrustworthy by them. she also kinda reminds me of laurien in the sense that they're both resistance rangers who are used to/prefer working in the background but then got promoted to a higher position of power and initially struggled before finding their footing in the end (laurien failed being a leader in clo but got redeemed in oclo, bessie was struggling with the cogs in the beginning of bb, but was in a better position by the end of the taskline after our help). maybe i'm reaching with this comparison but idrc it's interesting to think about to me so i'm putting it here.

3) aunt arctic. i'm putting her on this list solely because of her toontask giving her the "i need to go sad." phrase. she being the only npc to tell you to go green yourself is comedy gold i don't care what anyone says.

4) mac opsys/winn dos. putting them together bc they're a package deal. i'm bad at trying to solve ARG's but i really like when these two show up! their friendship is super cute and i really hope we see them in-game at some point or learn more about them!

5) paletti swatch. while we don't know anything of their personality, i think it was super clever of clash to make it so that their design changes everytime you load into the playground! it's not a secret toons can change their size and shape due to their nature but it's a small detail that adds to the charm of a cartoonishly wacky, colorful world

some honorable mentions are doe vinci (her design is so cute! i love doodling her in my sketchpad), flippy, and tutorial tom.

#thankyou for the ask i'm so happy i got to talk about toons again!!!#toontown #talking tag #toonblr #toontag

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nabulsi · 1 year

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cw transphobia / homophobia / transphobic and homophobic violence / suicidal ideation

putting this under a readmore bc im tired and i don't want to upset people or make anyone feel like they're invalidated but

ive been just. spiraling since the news came out about eden. like not only is the cishet arab community rallying around her parents because of fuckin course they are.

but it just takes a tragedy happening to lgbtq+ in the middle east to remember how western centric the world is wrt lgbtq+ rights advocacy. whenever i see clearly non cishet people existing openly and happily in the west and criticizing their governments i feel a little bit like this

bc idk im so scared of dying that i can't say or do anything but silently hope that i don't end up as a twitter hashtag or worse, nobody even cares if i disappear?

and this is absolutely not to minimise what Western lgbtq+ ppl go through and the strides they've made and the legitimate threats on their lives that they still face bc that is so valid and I'd never want to compare our situations like that

i just... wish there was a visible rainbow haired openly and happily genderqueer homosexual who lived in the same country/region as me, with the same background as me, same beginnings as me, that i could look to and say "Well they did it and so can i." bc all the stories i hear from my region end up like eden unfortunately. she's not the first and she won't be the last and the statistics don't look good frankly

this is a rambling mess but I've been panicking so hard lately. i cant think without being hit with paranoia about my abusers who i still live with finding out about me and locking me away. i don't want to die.

#im going to delete this later im so sorry if its too personal #i can't sleep and i can't think or breathe or do anything im stuck #paptalk #i told this to my therapist once and she just said 'oof i hope u get out' GIRL IM #and then she ghosted me LMAO #not because of the gay stuff mind u - she was v liberal but yeah

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meowsticmarvels · 4 months

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im curious. who are your fav characters from each mainline persona game that you have played 🤔🤔 (take this as an invitation to ramble about them)

YIPEEEEEEEE here we go will be long so im hiding it under a readmore again. also since you said mainline im not including toshiro or eri but you Know...... im abnorma, abt them

i have NOT played p1 and i've just barely started p2is (though ive watched snippets of someone elses's playthrough) but i will say. based on my limited knowledge i rly like hidehiko, ayase, naoya, tatsuya, jun, eikichi, yukino, maya, and lisa

p3 and p4 are difficult bc theyre the ones im the most autistic abt and the main entire casts as a whole are comforts for me. but anyways. going to talk about p3 first Yes I Will Include SLs too. im abnormal. top 3 main insaners for p3 though are akihiko, yukari, and junpei. for me

makoto/minato sooo so gender envy. im obsessed with his design a lot. his character i do also like hes a little goofy and so mecore but mainly his design is something i love a lot

same with kotone. also love how she has a sort of distinct personality that you can tell with slight dialogue changes that her counterpart doesnt say. shes rly real. love reload but i miss her...

as stated yukari's one of my favs. she didnt Use to be (i did like her but Not as much) but she's slowly become one and man. i love that silly girl. her haters will not survive the winter actually. it does piss me off though because like. yeah shes not perfect no character rly is but she's a traumatized mentally ill teenage girl with a dead dad and a neglectful mom cut her some slack maybe? god forbid women do anything. idk. but im obsessed with her. her character is actually so interesting to me and not a lot of people talk about it? like her whole fear of death causing issues with summoning her persona like at the beginnning, her dad being involved with the kirijo groups shit, how she puts on a cheerful front but is actually deeply really lonely :(, her kinda playful insult friendship with junpei (deep down they do care abt eachother. i wish that was explored more. i found a rly good fic abt it once.) and etc etc. idrk what to say but shes sooo. i also love how she initially HATES mitsuru and is super jealous of her and then. Well. gay tension is real. anyways shes a transfem lesbian to me btw. yukamitsu ftw

junpei's also become one of my favs. somehow. in a similar vein to yukari in that he wasn't initially my main fav character but i think his character's also pretty interesting and has. a lot of unexplored potential. he's very silly and i love him for that a lot but something i don't see many people talk about is like. his Issues. like yeah hes silly but he's also got some fucked up self-worth issues!!! remember the scene on 5/9 where he kinda gets really upset and goes off on his own and stuff. for example. like i think him being imperfect and having these moments where he's NOT cheerful and goofy all the time and actually deeply really jealous of you because he feels that fighting's all he's good for and he's not worth much else is what makes him interesting. do you get it. like him being tbe silly funny guy isn't all he is as a person yk!!!!! also as far as characterization I point a lot to the scene where yukari's more than willing to go confront the people in the alley while junpei's worried, or scene near the end of the game where yukari teases junpei and he snaps at her, confessing that while he doesn't show it he really is terrified. they all are, at that point. yk what I mean? also people don't acknowledge his trauma with his father enough (maybe because it's only really discussed at all in femc's route... his SL is so good but not enough ppl see it... BUR YEAH did not think I'd go off on a tangent about junpei fucking iori tonight but he's real. hashtag brokeback tartarus. also he's an adhder to me. (oh yeah also want to point out this line in his SL where he says "maybe I have anxiety or something". yeah. that's a line!)

akihiko fucking sanada. ohhhh man. this guy. where do i even START. he's so so crazy like what if your local high school upperclassman boxing champion guy was also really gay for his dying childhood friend and autistic as hell and also traumatized. and he's doing boxing in the first place to overcompensate because the death of his sister made him fear losing anyone else again snd he needs to feel like he has power. he needs control. yk? like this guy made me insane for like several months straight in 2023 and he still makes me ill. to this day. as you can probably tell by my distaste for people seeing yukari and junpei at face value you can probably gather that I hate the protein jokes and i Do. he said it like. Once in p3. it never rly was funny????? and what they did in spinoffs esp p4a to just make him look like a gym rat and nothing more makes me upset bc of the REASON he's obsessed with fighting. he's not just a dumb jock (he also isn't dumb lol he canonically scores very high on his exams) he's overworking himself because feelings of self doubt from trauma have caused him to feel the need to overcompensate so he never loses anyone again. you know? it would've been interesting to see him relapse in p4a if theyd actually done it well. like he doesnt rly give himself time or room to grieve in game (theres rhat onw scene on 10/5 and then he barely talks about it again. man i wish it was developed more...) so realizing that grieving isnt a linear process that he can just repress for a long time and even years after it can still hurt would go INSANE. but no they just turned him into i love protein joke number 20. okay!!! (im very angry) thinking about when my non persona friend after hearing me explain some of the plot described p3 as like a greek tragedy because like. damn. he and shinji were doomed from the start with personas like polydeuces and castor huh. anyways. yeah. continuing writing now that i've watched october 4th in reload AND akihiko's breakdown as a reuslt and i wanna scream and cry and throw up that will be for another post but ooh man it mad eme cry like 3 times. and I KNOEW WHAT HAPPENS. THEYRE SOOOOOOOOOO if you know me im an insane akishinji truther. im just. i wanna talk abt other charactrs so ill stop here but always ask me about akihiko + akishinji + ships i like in general. i am really normal. oh btw transmasc akihiko is forever real to me. also he's autistic and a ptsder. to me (tbf what persona character Doesnt have some form of truama but like. this guy in particular). up there with my highest blorbos

i dooont wanna go on for too long abt every other character in p3 so ill keep this next part short and sweet but if u wanna hear me talk more abt any of them. feel free to. starting with fuuka i love he rmy transfem autistic girlie who has every disease. i also love mitsuru a lot who i Wish had people acknowledge her deeper aspects more. like. she was experimented on and also very sheltered and also a little bit of a girlfail. shes not fully the girlboss you all say she is shes also just a teenage girl!!!!!!!!!! koromaru can do no wrong hes forever the best. i love that dog. ken makes me so so sad he is just a kid!!! what the hell!!!!!! :(. and oh man. shinji. guy who is so wracked with guilt. guy that is dying no matter what happens. guy that dies in his lover's arms

as far as non-sees characters. i rly like strega. esp jin and chidori. dont think abt them enough. also as far as SLs i like keisuke, hidetoshi, bunkichi and mitsuko, kazushi, yuko, and etc etc...i need to see rio and saoris links too they look real. oh also i LOVE ryoji

p4 time !!!!!!

again gonna cut this short so i can actually Fit it all in one post. but wow. i do like all of the IT so so much but im just focusing on my favs. anyways i love yu so much his autistic swagger esp in the animation is amazing. like he is not a "chad" he's just an autistic teenager. ok. also the animation broke me when nanako gets kidnapped he sounds fucking distraught there. love when people delve into yu's issues also bc hes a bit fucked up but Man. ouch. just like me fr tho

i love yosuke in a similar way to why I like junpei because he's kind of a loser /pos snd has some insane issues that his shadow delves into that are Kind of Insane for the FIRST shadow of the game. like ok damn. i really do love his social link in general tho his was the first one I maxed out in my (unfinished because i didn't want to finish it) p4g playthrough so!!!!! many things wrong with him and also the lgbt community has forgiven yosuke hanamura. also similarly to junpei he's adhd as hell. souyo ftw

naotos probably my fav p4 character I think which is Pretty Painful Sometimes. sometimes I need to kill both other persona fans and atlus if ykwim. but anyways i hc him as transmasc for one thing but also if atlus weren't cowards and actually made his story abt rhat it would've hit so hard. his shadow in general is often overlooked apart from that bc what about the part where he talks about being mistreated by others and feeling utterly alone and not allowing himself to act like a kid!!!! it fucks me up!!! he's also super autism btw like god damn. but YEAH point is I love naoto so much and i hate how both some fans and atlus tjemself treat him because his whole arc and shadow had the potential to be super compelling

apart from who i listed above i do like the rest of the IT so much they're such silly friends (i love you chie i love you yukiko i love you kanji i love you rise i love you teddie.). can't think of any SLs off the top of my head that were crazy but I do like daisuke and kou. OH ALSOO the dojimas..... 😢💧😢😢💧 love them

p5 time :3 I'm into it less so than p3 or p4 but Still

yusuke's my favorite p5 character probably. i domt know what it is apart from the common trend of my favs being autistic as hell (see: akihiko and naoto) but he's like. such a fucked up guy. he's traumatized. he loves art. something is deeply wrong with him. obsessed with this gug

i also do like ren/akira, ryuji, futaba, and also mishima (unfortunately. but in my defense there is something deeply wrong with him slash positive). i don't know a lot abt all of p5's confidants but i like iwai I think.... this reminded me I need to make more progress in p5 what the hell. i miss you futaba (i haven't even got to her palace yet im still on kaneshiros LOL)

but YEAH! thank you for asking!!! from the ones I've played my top favs are akihiko + naoto + yusuke respectively so👍👍👍 loved answering this :3 if u have any thoughts on a particular character feel free to ask and ill elaborate :3

#sparky speaks #persona #not maintaggjng BUT here i talk a lot about:#yukari junpei akihiko yu yosuke naoto yusuke #and some others. LOL. but i am indane #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO RESPOND i just have a Lot to say #anddd i still wanna properly get into p1 and p2 tbh

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thefallenbibliophilequote · 2 years

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Today's writer's Ted talk:

How to make a readmore cut. Every writer needs to use it and you reading- you're not an exception.

Especially new writers on Tumblr or more importantly- new Tumblr ppl. Don't roll your eyes and scroll past. Read this.

To open up: i would never reblog a fic that is longer than 1k that doesn't have a readmore cut, no matter how good it is. Why? Because i care about my followers too much to do it to them. Whenever i see it i go and dm/ask the writer and ask them to add a cut politely, i even supply how to do it in case they don't know how. Wanna know something? More often than not- they do not know how to do it and thank me for informing them. Some times they ignore me or make fake excuses, one time someone blocked me for it. Sometimes they just forget/Tumblr isn't working- which can happen to anyone(so it's okay if it happens to you), they then add it.

This is gonna be a little long but I'm not putting it under a cut because this is an informative post and i don't want people having to go onto my blog to get informed- if they are lazy then they won't reblog bc of laziness which is valid. So no cut will be used. If you are a new writer trying it out: you are welcomed to reblog this and write your reply using a readmore cut! 🖤

So...

Why do you need to use a cut? Common courtesy. As simple as that. Be considerate and nice. If you know how to use it and don't use it just cause... then you are being not nice for no reason. Just be nice and use it. This is needed because no one wants to scroll through the dash and stumble onto a fic they do not want to read... And then have to scroll for soooo long just to get to the next fucking post. It wastes time and annoys ppl. This goes doubly so when a fanfic has sensitive elements- because i can try and scroll past but i might unintentionally read something that will trigger me- with all the right trigger warnings (i also have a post about that!) it still wouldn't be my fault because i couldn't protect myself from it properly which is why this would be on the writer.

When should you use a cut? It is best to use a cut if your fanfic's word count is over 250 words. However, if you write a drabble and it is below 1k words you don't have to use it, drabbles get a pass. Anything above it needs a readmore cut. I don't mind having to scroll once or twice through my screen but my finger would get tired if i have to do more.

Where should you put the cut? Ah excellent question my dear Watson, you should put the cut after all the informative things you have about your fic (summary, word count, warnings, a/n, header for no minors/reposts if you have one...). That is at the very least. You can also do what a lot of writers do- tease. Put the cut after the first couple of paragraphs of your story.

Now we got to the main thing: how to create a readmore cut!

On laptop: it's rather simple, make a new line where you want the cut to be, on the right side there should be either three dots where you have the option to add a readmore cut or simply a ~ line icon. Press on that. Congrats! You have created a readmore cut and made your fic more accessible and comfortable to have on the dash!

On mobile: this one is a bit more tricky and sometimes if your app isn't updated it won't work. You need to make a new line between the two lines that you want the cut to be in, and then write the following but without the quotation marks (only the highlighted part)

":readmore:"

And then you press enter/create a new line and it will transform into a cut! No spaces between the words and the ::

🖤🖤🖤

Congratulations dear Watson, you have now observed how to make a readmore cut! Use it wisely and there are no excuses- so please use it. I wanna reblog your fics.

To all the new writers that have joined Tumblr- if you are informed on how to do it and yet you still knowingly refuse to do it- you're an asshole and you do not belong on Tumblr bc this is Tumblr and this is a Tumblr rule.

You're on Tumblr, adapt to how we do things here or leave and don't complain when you get blocked and people don't reblog your fics.

To all the actually nice people here: thank you for reading, I'm hoping you enjoy Tumblr, it's okay if you forget to add it sometimes and it is okay if it doesn't work because Tumblr has bugs sometimes. Tumblr is hard to navigate if you are new and as you can see- you have to manually use actual code to actually do some stuff like add a link in your bio or make a cut. You're welcome to talk to me if you have questions, or just if you wanna chat!

I hereby bless y'all with writing inspo ✨✨✨ as a graduation bonus for learning this😘🖤

PS. This post is a scroll and a half. So it's okay 😂😝

#readmore #how to #writer's guide #writer lesson #tumblr #fanfic #writing #writblr #loki is posting #loki is writing #writing advice #readmore cut #loki's writer ted talk #fanfiction

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we-joyless-few · 1 year

Text

Waking Up Again

[tagging @joyful-downer so u can see this!!]

summary:

Nick Lightbearer wakes up again, only instead of a pretty bird or his rat manager, it’s someone rather unexpected- someone… dangerous.

basically a Foggy Jack/Nick Lightbearer fic bc there r only TWO on AO3 and i am going insane

fic and warnings under readmore!

sorry it’s not longer ^^” i kinda ran out of steam for this one, but i have more Jack and Nick stuff in the works >:)

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things to expect:

-3rd POV

-dark content(WHF-typical)

-nsfw(mostly just suggestive stuff, questionably consensual though)

-alternative ending? i guess?

-hopefully not too OOC

-toxic relationship 🫣(>:3)

-more, probably

really hoping i dont let ppl down with this one [sweats nervously]

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Nick awoke with a start… again. His memories came in flashes that caused him to flinch slightly, mostly what happened to Virgil, but also other things done by Foggy Jack. God, why did he have to remember that?

Another thing he recalled was repeatedly waking up beside people who he didn’t remember being with. Honestly, it made him nervous to turn to his right, but his curiosity was eating away at him.

He peeked over to see a blonde-haired figure dressed in all black out of the corner of his eye, which seemed quite familiar… especially as the figure rolled over to face Nick. “Oh fuck,” Lightbearer whispered, scooting backwards until his back hit the juncture between his headboard and the wall.

“Good morning, dear friend,” Foggy Jack responded, his voice coming out soft. He sounded rather tired, but content. “Come back over here, Nick. I won’t bite.”

The musician shook his head fearfully, terrified of the man despite how little of a threat he posed at the moment. “You killed Virgil! Why would I even THINK to get all cozied up to you?!”

Jack chuckled and sat up with a yawn. “I’m not going to kill you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Nick scoffed. “I know I’ve been a selfish asshole, but I’m not worried about me.” His eyes darted around the room, trying to recall any other ways to abscond with himself besides his secret escape path. “Why do you like me so much anyway?”

“It’s… complicated.” Something in the killer’s tone was off; he sounded almost vulnerable. “I liked you long before I was- was this. Hell, I’d point out how your band was everyone’s favorite in my broadcasts!” He moved closer to Nick, making direct eye contact that left the rockstar feeling uncomfortable but unable to look away. “In reality, you were always my favorite. None of those idiotic, mindless, Joy-addled Wellies could EVER understand how I feel about you.”

The red-clad individual felt guilty for- well, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It was similar to the guilt he felt when he let his fans down, and the discomfort that came with pleasing them. Anxiously, he fidgeted with the lacy cuffs on his sleeves and averted his gaze. “I… see.”

“You are my one true love, Nick Lightbearer, and I want you to be mine.” Foggy Jack was just inches away from the other man’s face as he reached up to stroke Nick’s cheek. “I’m your biggest fan- always have been, always will be… Will you please, please give me this chance?”

The guilt was making Nick feel sick to his stomach. “I-“ His voice cracked, so he cleared his throat to try again. “I… guess we can try.” He couldn’t bring himself to sound any cheerier, not even as the other man sounded enthralled.

“Oh, thank you, Nick, truly, thank you!” Jack cheered, immediately wrapping his arms around Nick as he settled himself on top of the other, his head resting on Nick’s torso under his cravat. Not only was he comfortable, but he felt secure in knowing that his object of his affection wouldn’t be going anywhere.

Nick awkwardly placed one of his hands on Jack’s head, running his fingers through his surprisingly-silky hair. The repeat motion of basically petting the other was surprisingly relaxing, and it didn’t take too long for Nick to become more comfortable. His other hand eventually moved to Jack’s back, curiously feeling the soft-yet-sturdy fabric of his well-crafted suit beneath his fingers.

“I think, if we weren’t so famous in our separate mediums, we would have been together sooner,” Jack mused, his eyes closed as he comfortably rested on his beloved.

“Maybe,” Nick quietly replied, nodding a little. “Healthier, too, probably.”

“Hmm, yes, I think so as well.” A soft sigh left Jack’s lips. “But we’re together now, and that is what I believe matters.”

“I- Yeah…” The musician faltered slightly, but Jack didn’t seem to care. “Why do you hurt people?”

“The same reason you did: to get what I want, and reduce my own discomfort.” Jack curled up slightly, as if trying to make himself be as close to Nick in his position as possible. “But you’re doing better now, and, well, I have exactly what I want, so there is no need for me to continue gutting people in the streets, I’d say.”

‘Christ, that’s dark…’ Nick thought, looking at his new partner anxiously. “Y-yep! No need for more killings, I’m right here.” He tried to speak confidently and triumphantly, but in reality he sounded like he was panicking- which he was, but Jack didn’t have to know that.

A smirk pulled at the corners of the killer’s mouth as he heard the fear in Nick’s voice. “What if I did kill again? What would you do then?” he purred, moving further up to rest his head against the left side of his obsession’s chest.

“I-I don’t bloody know!” Nick stammered, his anxiety rising. He felt his cheeks redden from the pleased sound Foggy Jack made at the fearful pounding of his heart. “J-just… don’t kill any more people, please… For me?”

The slightly-shorter man chuckled softly and moved up higher once again, this time being face-to-face with Nick. “I cannot make any promises, my beloved.” Right as Nick was about to protest, Jack took off his mask, leaned in and pressed their mouths together, kissing the rockstar until Nick nearly passed out. “You need to learn to breathe if we’re going to do this.”

Lightbearer coughed and gasped as he desperately tried to reintroduce air into his lungs. “Y-you’re fucking mental,” he wheezed, taking off his own mask to cool down his face. A little sound of surprise left his lips as Jack began kissing his jaw and neck, leaving him an anxious, trembling mess. “J-Jack, you- ghhh-!”

“Hush now, Nicky,” Foggy Jack whispered, pressing more kisses along Nick’s jaw. “Just let me take care of you.” His nimble, skilled fingers drew invisible patterns across Nick’s chest, even tracing his name over his heart a few times. “Don’t be scared… Or, maybe do be afraid. I like seeing you so helpless beneath me.”

Nick whimpered as he lay there. Jack was right: he was helpless, and honestly… it turned him on a little. “L-listen, Jack, I- I’m getting really, uh, tired! Tired, yeah! Um… Maybe we could just… sleep together?” At Jack’s raise of his eyebrow, Nick squeaked and stammered, “N-not in that way! I mean- I mean, uh… You’re the big spoon..?”

A raucous laugh erupted from the propagandist’s chest, making Nick flinch. “Oh, silly boy… I can tell you’re not being fully honest with me, but I cannot pass up on an opportunity to sleep so close to you~” He moved off the other, but kept a close eye on him in case he tried to run.

The rockstar blushed and scooted down on the bed until his head was on the pillows again, rolling onto his side. “Come on, then,” he softly said, inviting Jack to lie down by patting the bed behind him. “Let’s rest.”

And with that, Jack wasted no time in embracing Nick from behind, resting his forehead against Nick’s back. Their height difference would almost be funny to Nick if Jack were anyone else, so instead of a laugh, he let out a sigh and shut his eyes.

“Goodnight, beloved,” Jack whispered, nuzzling his partner gently.

“…Goodnight, Jack,” Nick mumbled in reply, relaxing as best as he could.

End (for now) !!

#we happy few #nick lightbearer #foggy jack #from the parade #scribbles of a lightbearer #Waking Up Again #ship post #eventually i’ll put this on ao3!

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