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justalia · 10 months

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persistence

this is probably gonna be my last post before i retreat into a serious break because i have things outside this manifesting world i need to sort through (i’m extra happy don’t worry about me, nothing happened!) i always say i go on break but i never actually do or it lasts just a few days but i’m for real this time!

i wanted to leave before but i felt the urge to post this cause i feel there’s a lot of doubt and confusion around this topic.

many of you still view persisting as a chore, as something you HAVE TO do or else.. something you must do or else..

many of you still view persisting as a job, tiring annoying and something you don’t necessarily wanna do if it wasn’t because you are manifesting.

this stems from a complete lack of understanding of the law.

what is persistence?

now i want you to pay particular attention to the second definition:

“the continued or prolonged existence of something.”

to persist within the law of assumption is to continue being.

nothing more nothing less, it is to just continue being who you decided that you are.

i’m sooo sure that all of you that are just approaching the law and are reading this post are having these specific thoughts right now:

“but i can’t live in my imagination forever”

“oh but i can’t imagine all the time, i have a life”

“yeah i persist but it’s tiring, i don’t wanna do all that”

“i have to persist so it manifests but i don’t have the time or the will to imagine all the time”

“i fulfill myself and persist but it doesn’t work”

or even..

“i get it! i wanna imagine all the time i don’t wanna do my daily tasks cause i just wanna live in imagination”

news flash:

YOU DON’T PERSIST IN THE IMAGINAL ACT. YOU PERSIST IN THE IMPLICATION THE IMAGINAL ACT MAKES ABOUT YOU.

no shit you find it tiring and see it as a job if you think you have to constantly visualize/affirm to persist in being.

whatever your imaginal act may be: IT IMPLICATES SOMETHING ABOUT YOU. IT CHANGES SOMETHING ABOUT YOU.

now i’m gonna take visualization as an example because i am a visualizer and this was exactly the mistake i kept falling into during my early days applying the law.

i thought i had to visualize my desire as much as i could, i saw imagination = visualization (for me) so to persist i must visualize all the time.

“i enjoy it, what’s wrong about it?”

look at yourself, look at your intentions: why are you doing this?

why are you constantly affirming/visualizing?

okay you like it, but why?

my assumption is that you are using imagination as an escape from what you deem reality. you still see your 3D as reality instead of a mere reflection of your state in imagination and use imagination as an escape from what you decided is reality.

you see this world of shadows, you don’t like it you think: i can visualize this!

which isn’t inherently wrong in itself but LOOK at your intentions. LOOK AT WHAT YOU’RE IMPLYING WITH YOUR ACTIONS/DECISIONS.

if that’s what your doing this means you don’t understand the law. you don’t understand that imagination is reality and you don’t understand what persisting actually is.

you’re always persisting in being

“i can’t live in imagination all the time, i want my desire in front of me!!”

well boo, hate to break it to you but when you come to me and tell me these things i genuinely think your dumb and i’m not even gonna bother replying to your question to try and help you.

why? because first of all it’s clear you haven’t even taken the time out of your day to read my posts, if not the source at least read the posts of the person you wanna ask a question to.

second of all.

WHAT ARE YOU NOT UNDERSTANDING ABOUT THE SENTENCE “IMAGINATION IS REALITY”?

imagination IS reality because YOU ARE ALREADY LIVING INSIDE IMAGINATION.

how?

YOU MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT WHO YOU ARE ALL THE DAMN TIME.

what’s wrong about these assumptions is that you create them based on this world of shadows that is inherently reflecting you instead of actually allowing yourself to be and have whoever the fuck you want in this world BECAUSE YOU ARE GOD.

YOU PERSIST IN BEING SOMEONE ALL THE DAMN TIME.

RIGHT NOW YOU’RE PERSISTING IN BEING UNLOVED, UNCHOSEN, UNWANTED, POOR, BROKE, UNSUCCESSFUL BASED ON WHAT???

YOUR ASSUMPTIONS!!!!!

you look at this world of shadows that is reflecting YOU and think “YEP that is the end! that is who i am i can’t do anything about it! that’s my identity forever!”

YOU ASSUME SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF ALL DAY EVERY DAY!!!!!

and you’re not constantly visualizing scenarios in which you’re unloved and unwanted, are you?

you’re not constantly visualizing scenarios in which you are poor and broke, are you?

you’re not constantly visualizing scenarios in which you are unsuccessful and insecure, are you?

RIGHT!!!!

you’re just assuming that you are..

YEAH.. shocker right?

do you or do you not understand that imagination IS reality?

did you or did you not wake up to who you actually are?

if God is within you, if YOU ARE A FIGMENT OF GOD, if you truly realized that we were put on this earth to realize our power and put it to the extreme tests to live this lovely human life to the fullest, if you ACTUALLY realized this… do you understand that you can BE AND HAVE whatever the fuck you want?

if you UNDERSTAND FULLY that this life is simply a reflection of your wonderful imagination.. do you understand that ALL THAT YOU HAVE TO CHANGE IS IMAGINATION?

THE SCRIPT HAS BEEN FLIPPED! YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT. YOU CAN HAVE AND BE WHOEVER YOU WANT AND IT’LL BE REFLECTED.

you can actually create a new identity for yourself inside of imagination and stick with it because that’s who you truly are!!!

remember this:

YOU DON’T PERSIST IN THE IMAGINAL ACT. YOU PERSIST IN THE IMPLICATION OF THE IMAGINAL ACT.

let’s say you want your person back, how would i properly go about it?

if i wanted to use a method: i would imagine a scene that implies we are together, enjoy it fully, leaving the world outside of myself and feeling what i TRULY want to feel. i would internalize that there are infinite realities and i am just choosing the reality i would like to experience right now, i leave the outer world alone because right now it is showing me something i don’t want. i recognize it is another reality i previously created and whatever i see is LOCKED to that state, i’m not CHANGING THAT STATE, i’m choosing another one to experience that already exists or else i wouldn’t even want it. when i open my eyes i know that i am what my imaginal scene implied. i know i am that which i want to be despite the opposition of the senses because I KNOW imagination IS THE ONLY reality. this is when persistence comes in: what am i persisting in? I’M PERSISTING IN THE KNOWING THAT I AM WHAT MY IMAGINAL ACT IMPLIED. i actually am in the relationship of my dreams and i persist because that’s the only truth.

if i didn’t want to use a method: i decide/choose i already am who i want to be because i can see it with my mind’s eye, i imagine i already am who i want to be without needing to close my eyes and see it in a scene. i know i am who i want to be in imagination, it’s undeniable cause the moment i assume something about myself i instantly see it in imagination. now who did i decide to be? i decided to be in the relationship of my dreams with my person. what do i persist in? i persist in knowing that’s who i actually am now.

DONE! FINITO.

notice how i didn’t talk about the 3D expression. not even once.

i know that imagination is the only reality and i know that this life is SIMPLY imagination reflected, so when i put on some clothes do i go and check the mirror to see if i’m actually dressed or naked? I KNOW I’M CLOTHED, i don’t need the mirror to check if i’m naked or not.

ask me again “how do i believe imagination is the only reality?” and i’m gonna slap you across the face.

YOU JUST BELIEVE IT. YOU JUST ACCEPT IT.

TEST HOW THIS WORKS.

not IF IT WORKS. TEST HOW.

imagine something and assume that your imaginal act is FACT and not the act going on on the outside.

and when the old man tries to come back what do you do?

BE INDIFFERENT.

THAT’S NOT WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE. ACCEPT A NEW IDENTITY IN ITS PLACE.

you already experienced all that you could experience in that state, so accept a new identity NOW.

the 3D is not your enemy. it cannot do anything on its own.

it follows your state and it adapts to you without you needing to adapt to it.

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monnn · 1 month

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Am I the greatest bastard that you know?

staring: idol! jeonghan x non-idol!, gn! s/o

wc: 1.3k-ish

genre: ANGST. big angry feelings of reader, kinda fluff towards the end?

a/n: hi, ur fav angst lover is back! things have not been great lately and this fic might just be a vent of mine. big feelings and anger is very valid but so is taking a break. hope you realise that and take a break from life to just exist! to whoever's reading this, i love u, let things take time, take time for yourself, stay hydrated and BE ANGRY!!!

divider by @saradika-graphics !!!

song rec for this fic is The Greatest Bastard by Damien Rice!

knowing how stressful going on a hiatus can be, you successfully lure jeonghan into a staycation, away from the city. though han had to be present for rehab, you had checked with the doctor and he was okay with han being away for a weekend. doing nothing was the plan since jeonghan was actively burning out from working hard to the extent that he's injured, so he was looking forward to spend time with his loved one for a while. what neither of you knew was the fight that would gonna pop up at reaching the room. hannie had drove all the way to the hotel since you didn't have a license and all you had done after reaching there was ask what he wanted to eat since y'all had skipped the rest stops.

~ 30 mins before

"hey love, what do you feel like eating? i could order it for us" you ask a very eepy han.

"just anything, i'm okay with anything" he replies and you can sense the exhaustion in his voice. to make sure you don't get him more grumpy, you ask again to confirm if he's sure about his decision.

"jesus y/n! can you cut me some slack? just stop fucking bothering me and order whatever the fuck you want!" he yells, shaking you to the core.

here's the thing - there necessarily hasn't been any major disagreements or "fights" in your relationship, so the intensity of his feelings get to you. but he should've known better than to snap because your rage knows no bounds and hannie does know about this.

"well, fuck you with that behaviour of yours, i'm not gonna be ordering any food!"

"good! because i don't fucking need it anymore either!" he screams, walking away from the room. you had put great effort in picking a room which is right by a stream, surrounded by mountains and a temple on one of the mountains.

trying not to mind the rage and disappointment with han, you chug a glass of water before doing anything. but you weren't gonna let han off the hook because he was having a hard time. the value you hold for yourself is much more important and you've tried so hard to just have that value in your life for so long, hence you are not going to let the love of your life doubt on it. finishing another glass of water, you leave the room in search of hannie with some snacks and a drink.

you are yet find han with the passing time. he wasn't by the stream, hadn't left the premises according to the owner and definitely hadn't hiked up a mountain(cause bro was literally eepy). but the one place you hadn't scraped was the temple, so you hydrate and go on to check if he's there.

in fact, he is there. his silhouette seems regretful. melancholic even. hunched over and zoning out by overthinking. you stomp your way towards the temple, letting him know of your arrival as he fixes his posture and keeps his gaze down. leaving your shoes behind, you enter the temple and kneel infront of han to provide well-needed snacks and water. he whispers a small 'thank you' and you move aside to sit away from him. not that you wanted to, rather wanting to just talk without any physical contact. you see him chug the water and eat his snacks, making a part of you feel relieved. after finishing his nibbles, han thinks he's ready to talk cause he knows it's better to do this right now than to dwell and let it become bigger.

"y/n, i'm sorry. i am not gonna reason myself for my actions towards you but i do wanna let you know i'm really tired. probably beyond exhaustion. i love you but that was really wrong of me to behave that way when you were just trying to make me feel better." he begins.

"okay, i accept your apology. but i'm not sorry because i haven't done anything wrong. and i'm gonna have to get this off my chest cause if i don't say it now, it's just gonna grow and rot in me." you say, stretching out your hand for him to hold. hannie slips his palm in yours and there's a little squeeze from both of you before letting go.

"okay, i'm gonna listen what you have to say and i'm sure i'll have things to say after, but i'm gonna listen to you first." he says, reassuring you.

"thank you. i hope you know that i was just trying to be of help and not a bother. you snapping at me was unnecessary, which you know by now and it scared me han. for a moment, you were an angry stranger to me and it made me so angry too. why? because i don't deserve to be treated like this han, you know how hard life has been and still is for me." you pause, taking a deep breath as you feel tears welling up your eyes. but one look at hannie and you know he's making space for your anger, willing for you to continue.

shit, you really do love him.

"i understand how mentally and physically exhausting things have been for the past week or so. i understand so much han, i really do. but that does not give you any leverage to be rude or angry at me. regardless of the terrible things i deal with in my life, i'm really trying to be positive towards our relationship and this unconsciously might've broken a part of me. maybe i'm being dramatic but my feelings are big and valid. i love you but we'll need to work on this at our own pace, yeah? what do you think?" you finish, catching a breath that you didn't realise was held.

jeonghan takes a deep breath, before he begins. taking one look at you, he fidgets with his phone and tries to talk cause he has to start somewhere.

"firstly, i am really sorry love. i wanna let you know that i regret my actions and shouldn't have behaved that way towards you. it's just been really hard for me to go into a break from being so packed with schedules. i don't think i've rested at all since i started working and it's just a lot. it's a lot because i now am realising the importance of rest and that solely is beyond overwhelming. but now that i'm here, i want to make the best of it and spend as much time as i can with the people i love. again, i can't think of anything other than apologising because you don't deserve that. i have no right to be treating you that way when you've put your complete trust and love in me. i'm so sorry again love, i want to work on this. i'm not sure how but i wanna work on us, with you. i love you." he finishes, letting out a loud sob. you hold yourself back from going and holding him cause he needs this more than anything else.

instead you move next to him, taking one of his hands in yours. hannie turns to look at you and lays his head on your shoulder, not caring about drenching your shirt. you gently caress his hand as he calms down and give him some water to hydrate. disconnecting from your hand, he drinks the water and wipes his face but intertwines your arm in both of his the moment he's done. there's a moment of stillness felt, as he leans onto your shoulder, nuzzling further into your neck. you haven't felt this feeling ever and just being present makes you realise that there is always space to be wrong and learn in love. not sure if it's the same with everyone else, but you know for sure it is with jeonghan.

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doberbutts · 2 months

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(Some other guy entirely here) I do think there's not much of a reason to be so against the terms tma/tme though, and I don't really understand why some people are? Like, in the same way we want a word to describe our experiences so do transfems, and while I do believe that all trans people are affected by transphobia and misogyny, it's obviously also true that we're affected by it differently depending on how we present, cause otherwise we'd all be satisfied with just the term transphobia (not saying anything new here so far)

So, since it just so happened that the term transmisogyny was coined to mean specifically the oppression transfems face (regardless of what anyone might feel on the matter, that is what it means in practice), what's really so wrong with having terminology to specify whether you're affected by it or not in online discussions of specifically transmisogyny? I'd think that would be relevant enough information, and you're not obligated to share it unless you want to.

I think what's really bothering a lot of people is that these terms exist for half of our community but there's no acceptable equivalent for the other half, and there's constant backlash against attempts to fill that void in the language. But that's not the fault of anyone who advocates for the use of tme/tma, or rather, they are separate issues that I don't believe should be conflated even if the proponents of tme/tma are the same people who are against specific terms for transmasc oppression.

When we do this, from the pov of trans women we are the ones rejecting their terminology and trying to silence them when they talk about their discrimination, and since we know exactly how that feels, I think we as a community should take a step back on the matter and just let it be.

Just because we feel dismissed when it comes to a similar matter doesn't mean we should dismiss in turn.

Not that anyone needs my permission or anything for this but:

I don't really have any problem with the words transmisogyny or trans-misogyny, as I think they are valuable labels to discuss a specific intersection of transphobia and misogyny.

I am not sure I necessarily have a problem with the terms TMA or TME themselves, outside of that I think it is not possible to be exempt from oppression because it will apply to you even if the label itself is wrong. This is also how hate crime and discrimination law works in this country- it is both your label and what the offender thinks of you, not just one or the other.

In other words, the guy who screamed at me about how I'm a Mexican is incorrect because I'm not Mexican, but it is still considered to be discrimination against Mexicans because it was his hatred of Mexicans that fueled the attack. It doesn't mean that actual Mexicans aren't the actual targets or this, but it does mean that it's not possible for me to be exempt from anti-Mexican sentiment. It doesn't mean that hatred of Mexicans doesn't exist, it does mean that if I want to stop getting screamed at for saying non-English words while visibly brown (I said pate, which is FRENCH and not Spanish, in reference to a can of dog food he was buying), then I need to ally myself with Mexicans and see what I can do to help decrease this hatred of Mexicans within my country.

What I do have a problem with is how these words are used and applied.

Caster Semenya is a "TME" intersex woman who was caught by transmisogynist Olympic rulings intended to hurt trans women, and to this day is still not recognized as a woman. How is this exempt from transmisogyny? She is literally being affected by transmisogyny- and interphobia, and misogynoir, and lesbophobia. And there are more examples than that, but this will already be a long enough post.

Moreover, I'm finding a lot of hypocrisy in the theory itself, labeling certain instances of oppression as things only TMA people experience and then refusing to listen when TME people say that they experience it too. I don't really care what or how people talk about their own experiences, but I do think it's a little ridiculous to be told that someone else who is not me can tell me what I experience better than I can. And then refuse to listen when I say that I have felt the hurts they're saying don't apply to me.

If TMA/TME had stayed within the limits you've set, being about descriptors of your own personal experience rather than trying to apply theory to entire demographics in a way that very little other theorycrafting does, I wouldn't have cared. Unfortunately that's not how it's being used and I don't like that.

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jagibee · 7 months

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Call Me Luna

(Stray Kids x Reader)

Chapter 8

5,994 Words

A/N: A bit of a longer chapter as an apology for taking so long but also bc it was originally supposed to be two chapters and I just couldn’t find a good split point😭, and I did change the story title bc I got bored with Stray Pack but this is the same story and plot, and I’m sorry but my taglist is at its limit (which I didn’t even know existed?) so if I didn’t tag you on this post, it will be on the reblog!

Also, Happy Birthday to the love of my life who isn’t in this chapter nearly enough, but will be in the next chapter. Bang Chan, you have brought me a light and inspiration that I haven’t felt in a very long time and even if you have no idea who I am, you will always be the one for me🖤

Also

Nobody:

Me with the foreshadowing in this chap:

Let’s get started!

TW: references to sex, mentions of spanking (not necessarily sexual but could be interpreted that way)

…

You all settled down so that they could get through recording. Felix was sandwiched between you and Hyunjin, just as a small precaution in order to prevent any more growling. On your other side was Jisung and Seungmin sat on Hyunjin’s other side, providing extra padding against alphas. Chan and Changbin were both at the sound table and Minho was currently being recorded, so you didn’t have to worry much about them getting too close anyway, at least, not at this exact moment. Jeongin himself was settled at Felix’s feet like a trusty guard dog.

You, Chan, and Felix had all taken off your scent blockers as well, which helped to calm Innie down.

Minho was the last one recording, so everyone was a bit subdued. Changbin had paced around a bit while being sure to keep enough space between him and Jeongin. When the youngest alpha had recorded, everyone in the room held their collective breath, but he seemed to be doing fine.

Next to you, Jisung had leaned down so he was laying down on the couch with his feet splayed out in front of him, body posture indicating that he was zoning out, but one look at his eyes told you that he was paying rapt attention to what was happening in the recording box and at the table.

On your other side, Felix leaned his head against you and pulled out his phone instead of watching the older boys.

He pulled up Twitter and started scrolling through. You wanted to give him some privacy, but curiosity got the best of you. It’s not like he’s actively turning his phone away, you told yourself.

Once the word ‘caretaker’ caught your eye, you gave up the pretense and shifted even closer. The movement caused Felix to notice and he tilted his phone so you could see it more easily. “They’re sort of all over the place with the caretaker news.” He told you, deep voice soft as he tried to not interrupt the others. “Some people are really supportive of it but of course there are some people who think that either caretakers are sasaengs who manipulated the system so that you could be close to us, or that you’re going to steal our attention away from our fans.”

“Both of those statements are true, also, did I forget to mention I’m a spy from Dispatch meant to expose your secrets?”

Felix giggled and you let your eyes scan over the comments.

Maybe if y’all stanned TXT this wouldn’t have happened🤷‍♀️

tell this random weirdo to stay away from my lixie!!!!!!!

YALL IVE CONNECTED THE DOTS THE CARETAKER IS THE ONE IN FELIX’S BUBBLE POST

Reading over the last one, you bumped your shoulder lightly against Felix. “What exactly did your bubble post say?”

He frowned. “It just said ‘lunch with a new friend’ with a yellow heart emoji. It’s kind of impressive that they did actually connect the dots.”

You hummed thoughtfully. “Well, at least people probably won’t recognize me out on the street just from my hand.”

Felix smiled and went back to scrolling, giggling at a semi-professional debate about what Lee Know would give up for the rest of his life between pudding or butt hunting.

Said pudding lover and butt hunter then finished recording, striding out of the recording box as Chan spun his chair to face the rest of the room. Changbin rolled his own chair across the floor until it stopped in front of Minho, who grabbed it and spun it so he could sit in Changbin’s lap. Changbin squeaked in surprise but didn’t make any signs of protest when Minho brought the younger’s arms to wrap around his waist.

“Alright,” Chan began, “I think it’s pretty much a free day from here on. I know Jisung has a vocal lesson and Hyune wants to talk to Y/N, but other than that, I’ll be in the studio and Minho is going to be going over choreography so if anyone wants to join either of us, feel free.”

“But not too free, I need a break from you degenerates sometimes.” Minho retorted from where his head lay against Changbin’s shoulder.

You missed what Chan said in response as you leaned across the back of the couch behind Felix to consult Hyunjin. “You wanted to talk to me?”

His wide eyes met yours then quickly moved to Felix’s hair as Hyunjin started twirling it nervously between his fingers. “Yeah. Chan-hyung said we should talk about my h-heat. Especially since it comes so quick after Felix’s that we might not have enough time between our heats to properly talk.”

You could hear the other members join Chan and Minho’s discussion, but your focus remained on Hyunjin. “That’s a good idea,” you murmured, “But you don’t want Chan or another member to sit in with us?”

He shook his head, glancing back at you and biting his lip. You didn’t want to push him when he was so clearly nervous so you nodded and turned back to the others.

Right next to you, Jisung was declaring that “this group is not a democracy, hyung”.

“Sungie, you are the one person in this room that has a strict schedule today.”

“Don’t you start with me, Kim Seungmin-”

“Okay, okay!” Chan raised his hands. “I think that’s enough. So, Han will go to his lesson, Jinnie and Y/N will talk, Seungmin and Felix will come to the studio with me, and Bin and Iyen will go with Lino to the dance studio. Wait.” He paused and turned to you. “Is it okay to have Innie with the two members he’ll be aggressive towards?”

You considered it for a moment. “I think it should be fine. It might actually be better, hypothetically, since Innie won’t have to deal with either of them getting too close to Felix, so I think he’ll actually be less aggressive.”

“If my aegi-alpha gets too aggressive, I’ll just give him a good spanking.”

Chan turned to Minho and stared at him, narrowing his eyes while his knuckles turned white from his grip on his chair arms.

Instead of retracting his statement or apologizing for it, Minho simply basked in the attention, leaning back against Changbin and crossing his arms with a smirk on his face.

You glanced at Jeongin to see his reaction, but he was a bit preoccupied with Felix’s fingers running through his hair. Innie’s eyes were shut as he leaned his head back in between Felix’s knees.

You felt like you were intruding on a special moment, so you looked up and your gaze met Chan’s. He had a soft smile as he glanced from you to the two boys.

He blinked as if coming out of a trance and cleared his throat. “So, everyone know where they’re going?”

“Wait, hyung!” Jisung’s hand shot up in the air like he was a student eager to be called on. “I know you told us that we can be comfortable around Y/N-noona, but exactly how comfortable is that? Like, is it the same level as we are with our managers, or our makeup noonas or what?”

Chan smiled at him and swiveled his chair to face him more directly. “Since Y/N’s job actually involves a little more… familiarity with our group, especially when it comes to our emotional and physical health, I figured that we could be a little more open with her. She knows about our relationship and everything. The company did ridiculously thorough background checks and she’s signed several NDAs, so we can be as honest with her as we want.”

Han scooted forwards until he was barely on the couch and gestured with his hand for Chan to come closer. When Chan rolled his chair over, Jisung leaned to whisper in his ear. Whatever he said caused Chan to giggle. “Yes, we can kiss in front of her.”

“Oh.” Jisung blinked twice. “Well, in that case…” He grabbed Chan’s collar, pulled him close, and planted an obnoxious, cartoon-level, lip-smacking kiss right on the alpha’s lips.

Chan sputtered and his ears burned as he pulled away. “I meant- why did- you didn’t have to kiss me now!”

“Nope.” Jisung wiped his mouth with the back of his hand theatrically. “But I enjoyed it.”

…

Once everyone had reapplied their scent blockers and straightened themselves up, you followed Hyunjin out of the recording room.

Instead of going to the small meeting room like you did with Chan and Felix, Hyunjin led you in the opposite direction you had come from.

He fidgeted with his hands as he walked you rode down the elevator. First, they fiddled with his jacket buttons, then his rings, then tapped against his thighs.

It was obvious he was nervous, but you didn’t want to make him even more so by pointing it out.

The two of you made your way into a room and you realized that it was the same small dance studio you had met Hyunjin in.

He stopped in the middle of the room and frowned at the wooden crates you had all sat on last time. “I guess we could move them so we sit across from each other, that seems the most professional,” he murmured while rubbing his bottom lip with his thumb.

Your mind blanked for a second before you refocused. “Well, this doesn’t have to be super professional. No one is grading you,” you joked. “Here, we can even chill on the floor if you want.” You brought some cushions from a stack in the corner of the room and brought them to the middle of the crates.

Hyunjin smiled at you and adjusted one of the cushions before sitting down on it.

You placed your own cushion on the ground across from him and pulled one of the crates over so you could use it as a back rest.

You sank down and Hyunjin smiled at you politely. “Where should we start, noona?”

You pulled your bag over and pulled out the file on him and his bandmates. Handing it over, you told him, “What Felix and I started with was going over the information the company gave me so that you know what I know and you can tell me if there’s anything wrong or anything big that the company doesn’t know or didn’t share with me. I don’t want to be overly nosy or creepy or anything, but as a caretaker, it’s important that I know things that relate to both your physical and mental health. Also, client confidentiality applies in my job, so I couldn’t tell your company anything even if I wanted to, unless it involves you hurting yourself or others.”

Hyunjin blinked at you wide-eyed, the file bending slightly in his tight grip. Then, his eyes narrowed and his lips pouted slightly.

You felt your own fists clenching around the straps of your bag at the sight, but you collected yourself when he started to speak.

“I thought you were hired by the company. Doesn’t that make them your client?”

Your smile widened at him. “What a smart question!” At this, you could see the corners of his mouth flicker up. “The company is my employer, but they hired me to be a caretaker for you, not for the company. If I had to be a caretaker for everyone in this entire company, I would scream.” You raised your eyebrows playfully. “Could you imagine if I went up to JYP and asked him to tell me about his sex life?” You shuddered theatrically.

Hyunjin let out a startled exhale which quickly morphed into full-on cackling. He threw his head back and clapped, leaning backwards and almost falling over which only caused him to laugh harder. You giggled along with him, relieved that the slight tension was dissolving.

Once you two managed to mostly calm down, he looked at you with his hand hovering in front of his mouth. “Oh my god. “‘“Oh my god”’”. Eugh!” He scrunched up his face and stuck his tongue out in disgust, which just set off another round of laughter for both of you.

You took some deep breaths and noticed Hyunjin doing the same. You both smiled at each other and he ducked his head as he went to pick up the file he had dropped when he started clapping.

He flipped through it and got to the page with his information. As his eyes scanned the page, his smile slowly faded.

“Not particularly possessive of my nests? The only reason I’m not possessive is because they’re my pack! My m- my band! They’re always welcome in my nests! I may not be as protective as Felix but it’s not like I would let just anyone in!”

Noticing his distress, but most notably, the lack of a distressed scent, you realized that you both still had your scent blockers on. You took yours off and allowed your calming scent to sweep the room. It wouldn’t be as potent to Hyunjin while he had his own scent blockers on, but you hoped he could sense it nonetheless.

You didn’t want to touch him without his consent, so you gently pushed the file down, away from where it covered his face, gaining his attention and making it easier for him to see you.

You smiled at him. “Hey, Hyunjin. You want to take a deep breath for me?”

He blinked at you twice before nodding and inhaling. He held it for a second before his cheeks puffed out as he exhaled.

“Good job! Now, I know that you’re probably upset since the company is making these assumptions about you based on limited information. I would be, too. But, since you aren’t exactly inviting your managers into your nests, does it really matter what they think about you?”

His eyebrows furrowed as he considered it. After a minute, he shook his head.

“No, it doesn’t matter. And the ones whose opinions you do care about know that you keep the nest open to them because you trust them and love them. I promise you, they don’t think any lesser of you because of the way you keep your nests.”

Hyunjin’s tense eyes softened around the edges. “I guess… that makes sense.”

Your voice took on a more teasing tone. “Do you not believe me? I could call Chan right now, and I’m certain that he would march on down from his studio just to tell you how wonderful your nests are. And I’m certain that your other packmates would be right behind him.”

Hyunjin smiled shyly as he traced a shape on the ground that vaguely resembled a heart. “Yeah, they would.”

You tapped on the file still in his other hand. “Now that that’s settled, is there anything else you want to tell me?”

Hyunjin put the file down on the floor and rested his hands on top of it, like he was trying to press it into the ground. He turned his head to look at the wall of mirrors next to you and you could see him swallow. His eyes flickered back to meet yours and you could see the pure vulnerability in them. “Since you’ve been so upfront and honest with all of us, I figure I should return the favor. I… In Korea, male omegas- or, just, omegas in general, I guess, are sort of taught to hide their heats? Or, not hide them exactly, but it’s not something you really talk about? Not even with other omegas. We’re pretty much taught that heats are signs of weakness or that they’re gross to talk about, so you sort of pretend that they don’t exist, even when we would get a week off of school or work.”

He paused to look down at his hands and you waited while he took a second.

“When Felix first came over, obviously there were a lot of cultural differences between Australia and Korea. He would casually mention how he was nervous about spending his heats here. Channie-hyung and Minho-hyung helped him the most, not just because they’re the oldest, but because Chan could sympathize with the change in culture and Minho… had a lot of omegan friends back in Gimpo when he was growing up. Even when Felix got used to spending his heats here, he still never really stopped talking about them. Of course he didn’t say anything when we went out in public or anything like that, but he never tried to hide it around us.” Hyunjin’s mouth curled up at the corners. “There was this one time when we were in the dressing room and he was complaining about his pre-heat cramps loud enough for all of the staff to hear. Changbinnie-hyung’s face was so red,” he snickered.

Suddenly, his face sobered up. “I really wish I had been there for him more. As the other omega in our pack, it should have been me, but at that moment, I just felt… all I felt was shame. Shame for him, for letting other people know that he had heats, shame for me, for being the other omega and being afraid that people would think that I would talk about my heat in the same way, shame for the poor staff members who had to listen to that,” Hyunjin took a deep breath. “But then, one of the coordi-noonas came up and recommended a good painkiller brand, and one of our managers told Felix that they could buy some ice cream on the way home, and I… I was so amazed. Talking about anything related to heats was supposed to be this horrible, embarrassing thing, but instead, Felix just got sympathy and support.”

Hyunjin looked back up at you and stared deep into your eyes. “I know that I don’t like to talk about my heats, even after seeing that and being with Felix all this time, but I know that you’re here to help me and my pack, so I’m going to do my best to not be ashamed anymore.”

You took Hyunjin’s hands in yours. “Thank you so much for telling me. I really-”

You were suddenly interrupted by his stomach doing its best impression of a whale song. His eyes widened before he hid his face in his hands. “Talk about embarrassing and shameful. I guess we forgot to eat lunch.”

You cackled and stroked his shoulder in what you hoped was a soothing way. “Well,” you giggled, “should we get some now? I’m pretty hungry, too, now that you mention it.”

Hyunjin’s hands slid from his face as he looked back up at you. “Hmm. I’m kind of craving something sweet.” He turned until he was lying on the floor with his face turned towards the ceiling.

As you scooted over to lay down beside him, he sat up and stared at you with his eyes lit up. “I have a genius idea! Have you tried any good Korean snacks since you moved here, noona?”

You thought back to everything that happened since you got off the plane. “Uh… not really? There were some chips or something in the hotel room but I didn’t want to spend the company money on ridiculous stuff like that.”

Hyunjin waved his hand dismissively. “Even if you did eat them, it wouldn’t really count. Expensive places always overcharge for mediocre things.” He set his hand back on the floor and turned back to you. “Do you know what this means?”

“That I need to order more of my own snacks from home before I run out?”

“No!” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, but you could see a hint of mirth in them. “Well, yes, noona, you should definitely do that. And order some for us to try. But we should raid the vending machine and have a taste testing! I even stole Binnie-hyung’s credit card this morning, so we can use that!”

You giggled at his enthusiasm for both having a taste testing and using his member’s money to pay for it. “I’m up for it if you are, but if Changbin finds out, I’m pinning everything on you. He’ll probably go easy on you, anyway.”

Hyunjin shrugged, his expression somewhere between fond and smug. “Yeah, he’ll definitely go easy on me. Especially when I tell him our pretty noona coerced me into it. He’ll understand. How am I supposed to say no to that? Anyway, we could also get some snacks to drop off at the dance studio after we’re done with our taste test, I’m sure that Changbin-hyung and Innie would be glad for a snack break.”

“I- okay.” You stuttered, trying not to fixate on the phrase “our pretty noona”. “Let’s do a taste testing. Lead the way to the vending machines.”

After reapplying your scent blocker, you both made your way down two flights of stairs and down a long hallway before you came to the vending machine. Hyunjin explained that there was one closer to the room you were in, but that this one had better snacks.

You stopped in front of the vending machine, a little surprised at how high tech it looked. You were more used to ones with sticky buttons that refused to take your dollars more often than not and that you would occasionally have to shake to free your snack. This one had a whole mini snack elevator.

“Let’s see, Innie likes these cheesy crackers, Changbin-hyung will cry if he finds out we used his credit card and didn’t get him anything, so let’s get him the barbecue chips, and this is Lino-hyung’s favorite pudding…”

You couldn’t help the smile on your face as you watched Hyunjin mutter to himself about his bandmates’ snack preferences. “You’re so considerate of your packmates,” you told him.

He blinked at you in surprise, like he had forgotten you were standing there with him. “Ah, well, it’s really more of a survival tactic. I have had one too many pudding lectures from hyung, so if I show up with the wrong one, who knows what he’ll do to me?”

Back in the studio, you spread your bounty around the two of you, like you were preparing for hibernation. The three snacks for the boys in the other dance studio were carefully set off to the side, so that neither of you would mistakenly eat them.

“So,” you started, “I know the nest thing sort of threw you off, but is there anything else you think I should know before your heat? It can be anything, things you like to avoid, your favorite things to nest with, things you like to eat,” you asked, shaking the bag of chips you were currently eating from. They were a bit different than what you were used to, but still pretty good.

Hyunjin hummed around a ring-shaped gummy. “Well, I like to do laundry before my heats and then get my members to scent my stuff. I just feel a bit icky when I’m not sure when the last time I washed something was. Felix likes to bake during his preheat, which is sort of perfect because I eat more than usual during my preheat, so I can just eat whatever he made and put in the fridge. But I don’t like eating during my actual heat. As for the stuff in my nest… I have this scarf that Seungminnie bought for me once when we visited Paris. And Lino-hyung gave me a scrunchie that he drew a bunch of Jureumis on that I like to wear on my wrist. Also, Jisungie got me a dumpling plushie that also has a hot water bag inside. I have some other things from the members, too, but those are the first things that come to mind. Most of the other stuff is pillows and blankets. Felix likes fluffier blankets in his nest, but I like the smoother, silkier ones. And I love having my members in my nests with me. Also, I have at least three fans going on at the same time because I hate how hot I get. I do react a bit… dramatically when my members accidentally move something in my nest, which sort of confuses me a bit because that really only happens during my heats.”

You quickly brought out your notebook and pen and scribbled down all the information Hyunjin had given you. As you wrote semi-legibly, you did your best to talk to him at the same time.

“Well, that’s definitely a heat-brain thing. Do you only feel anger or annoyance at your pack when they move your nest around or is it something else, too?”

Hyunjin stopped chewing and set down the bag of candy. “I guess… it does hurt a bit. At first. And then I growl or nip them or something like that.” He shrugged dismissively.

“And that hurt, could it be that your anger is sort of a way to get around it or cover it up?”

He looked up to meet your gaze and squeezed the plastic package so it crinkled. “That… it could definitely be that, I suppose. I think… my brain is sort of telling me that my packmates are changing my nest because they don’t like the way I arranged it.”

You nodded and set down your notebook. “Well, I know that no matter what I say, during your heat, your omega is still likely going to react like that because you don’t have the same level of brain processing power as you do when you aren’t in heat, but maybe, hopefully, you’ll feel less guilty about it afterwards. Hyunjin, you know that your members love your nests. They don’t want to move it or change it, and from what they’ve told me, they always try to move carefully so that they don’t offend you. They also understand that you’re protective of your nests and that you react, as you put it, dramatically. They know that that can be a risk to stepping into your nest, but I am sure that it’s worth it to them. Even if they get nipped or growled at, they made the choice to enter your nest and they obviously think that it was worth it if they come back again and again.”

Hyunjin watched you with wide eyes before his face broke out into a soft smile. “Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. Plus, Lino-hyung bites the others enough that they should be able to deal with me if I bite them once or twice during my heat, even if I bite them a bit harder than he does.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes and leaned backwards until he was lying down. “I can’t believe I’m in a relationship with those losers.”

You smiled at him, glad that he could go from serious topics to more light-hearted ones. You grabbed another candy bag and a question formed in your brain.

“What exactly does the company know about your relationship?” You asked, tearing open the packet, this one with cartoon purple lizards advertising how “de-liz-cious” the gummies were.

Hyunjin hummed, popping a chocolate-covered cracker into his mouth. Once he chewed and swallowed it, he passed the bag to you.

“The company knows that we help each other through our heats and ruts, that’s why they had you sign a bunch of NDAs,” he told you, “but they don’t exactly know about the actual relationship between us. They know Hannie and Lino-hyung go out together, but they don’t know they’re actually going out together. They know Binnie-hyung flirts with me, but they don’t know that I flirt back when the cameras are off. They know that Chan-hyung and Felix sleep together a lot but they don’t know that they sleep together a lot.” He paused. “And I mean a lot. Honestly, most of the time, sleeping seems to be the last thing on their minds. Horny losers.” He shook his head fondly before refocusing. “The company tells us to play things up for the camera a bit for fan service, but what they don’t know is that we’re actually toning it down.” He finished with a smirk.

You grinned. “Wow. So they don’t know you’re in a relationship at all?”

“Nope. Just our families and some of our friends know. And now you, noona.” Hyunjin rolled over and stretched his arms out. “I guess we are pretty affectionate towards each other around our staff, but I think the whole 8-members thing actually throws them off. Poly packs aren’t as common as they used to be, so it probably hasn’t even occurred to them. They likely assume that some of us are together, just in couples, but they’ve never asked us outright, I think they’re fine with acting ignorant as long as we don’t let them or the public know anything.”

You had collected all of the empty snack bags and were about to throw them away while Hyunjin stretched his arms above his head. “So, is there anything else you want to tell me? I feel like we covered a lot, but just let me know if there’s something else.”

Hyunjin had moved on to stretching his back but paused to smile at you and shake his head. “No, I think we talked about everything we needed to, noona.”

“Okay.” You collected your notebook and bag before shoving the extra snacks in there as well. “Do you think now is a good time to interrupt the dance practice?”

Hyunjin stood up gracefully and sighed. “It’s always a good time to interrupt dance practice. I think Changbin-hyung and Innie will be eternally grateful to you.”

“Not you?” You questioned. “You picked out the snacks and it was your idea.”

He waved his hand dismissively as you made your way out of the dance studio and into the elevator. “They’ll be grateful for about five minutes until they conveniently forget it. Or they’ll ask me why I didn’t come and save them earlier.”

The elevator ride was silent, but much more comfortable than when the two of you had been in the same elevator earlier. You stepped out into the hallway, following Hyunjin until he came to a door on the right.

He peeked in through the window and smiled before gently opening the door.

The song and dance they were doing weren’t as intense as some of their other tracks and routines, it was a B-side they recorded earlier that day, and were still dancing to the guide version, but you could see that they were putting in the exact same amount of effort, no matter what the tempo or sound quality was. Their moves were soft, almost floaty, but they were still very deliberate and precise.

You saw Minho’s eyes glance at you and Hyunjin in the mirror from where he was at the front of the formation, but he gave no other acknowledgment of your presence.

I.N and Changbin also noticed you, but they were less smooth about it. Changbin faltered in his movements and Innie fell behind rhythm.

“Yah, finish up the song, brats. Then we can take a break.”

At Lee Know’s words, the other two seemed to come alive, dancing with more energy than before. The song wasn’t much longer, and their positioning for the ending pose almost made you laugh out loud. Of course, the dance was meant to be for eight members, and there were quite a few missing, so there was Minho and Innie posed together on one side of the studio and Changbin all alone on the other side. Evidently Hyunjin shared the same thoughts as you, but didn’t keep quiet about laughing, even as you two clapped politely.

“Oh, my Binnie-hyung, are you lonely over there?” Hyunjin teased.

Changbin unfroze from his pose to flop down on the wood floor, all splayed out and breathing heavily, but focused on Hyunjin. In a high-pitched voice, he called out, “Yah, Hyunjin, I’m always lonely when I’m away from you!” He wriggled on the floor in a way that you guessed was supposed to be cute, but his obvious lack of energy made it seem more like a fish flopping around on land.

Hyunjin giggled and walked over to Changbin, squatting and grabbing the alpha’s outstretched hand as he murmured something you couldn’t hear.

Innie had flopped down as well, almost mirroring Changbin as he took deep breaths. Minho had walked over to turn the music off, and then sat on the couch with a water bottle.

Seeing that he was mostly okay, you turned back to I.N. “Hey, little alpha. Do you want me to bring you your water bottle?”

Jeongin let out a loud groan that echoed around the studio. “Oh my gosh, noona, you are seriously my new favorite person. Yes, please. It’s the green one.”

You walked over to the wooden counter and retrieved the green water bottle. You spotted a blue and pink water bottle next to it and, deducing that it was Changbin’s, you handed it to Hyunjin to give it to Changbin before you headed back over to I.N.

You squatted next to him just as a loud groan pierced the air. “Y/N! You are welcome to stay with our group for the rest of our lives! I’m going to produce a song about you and sing it at every single concert and award show!”

You smirked at Changbin’s words as Innie thanked you for his water. “Just for brining you your water bottle? At least wait until you see what Hyunjin and I brought in my bag for you.”

Changbin sat up like he was possessed. “What do you have?”

You walked over to your bag and unzipped it, pulling out the barbecue chips Hyunjin had picked out. You tossed them over to Changbin, whose eyes widened as he caught them and read the label. “Yah, Y/N, how did you know I liked these?”

You shrugged as you made your way over to Minho, pudding in hand. “A certain omega packmate of yours might have told me. It was actually his idea, so make sure to thank him.”

Hyunjin had fully sat down next to Changbin, but now, Changbin tackled him onto his back and wriggled the two of them around like happy earthworms.

Minho smiled and thanked you as you handed him the pudding before peeling it open and lying down on the couch. You weren’t entirely sure how safe it was to eat the pudding like that, but he seemed confident in his abilities, like he had done this before, so you left him to it and walked over to Jeongin with the cheese crackers in hand.

Innie had been staring at the other two members, his expression one of disgust, but you could see the fondness sparkling in his eyes. “Gross,” he stated, as Changbin started kissing all over Hyunjin’s face.

“Hopefully, you’ll find this a little less gross,” you told him as you handed him the crackers.

His eyes lit up as he took the packet from you. “Thanks, noona.”

You zipped up your bag and threw it to the other side of the room. “You should be thanking Hyunjin, he picked them out for you.”

Jeongin frowned as he ripped open the snack package. “I don’t need to thank him. If anything, this is what I deserve as compensation for dealing with him.” His eyes wrinkled with his smile as he stuffed a cracker in his mouth. “Oh, thank you, noona! I’ve been extra hungry all day for some reason.”

You smiled and were about to respond when you were interrupted by Hyunjin flopping down next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder. “Yes, thank you, noona. I’m really glad that you’re our caretaker. We haven’t known you for long, but I can tell that we’re going to love you.”

…

Sorry for any mistakes, I edited this and posted it in my college’s parking lot😭

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forecast0ctopus · 2 months

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Any advice on drawing McCoy? I’m not used to drawing ancient wrinkley bastards (affectionate) and it’s surprisingly tough v-v

FOR SURE lmao i made. a diagram. just a warning that i am going to be irritating and long winded because u just hit a topic i really like sorry lmao

so first off i did some traces just to show whats there vs redraws to show my interpretation

ive said this on other asks but again jsyk, tracing isnt bad!! its a tool. theres some stuff with intellectual property and whatnot but using tracing to study shapes and forms is a really valuable practice.

also just taking some time to learn facial structures and anatomy is super useful, reading what bones and muscles are where and how they interact with one another. taking this info and staring in the mirror and moving your face around and thinking about it. just really furthers understanding of how the face works. trying to sound normal about this but i love anatomy and motion and physics and whatever

anyways im going to go through all the numbered points so there's no confusion. 1. forehead lines - self explanatory. more prominent when brows are raised 2. crows feet - at the outer corners of the eyes, more prominent when smiling or squinting 3. nasolabial folds - the folds that go from the corners of the nose to the corners of the mouth. more prominent when the mouth is wide, like smiling 4. brow furrow - self explanatory, most prominent when brows are furrowed. mccoy tends to have two right next to his eyebrows, kirk has one in the middle. everyones face works different lmao 5. chin crease - caused by how the chin and lower lip interact. 6. nasojugal groove - start from the inner corners of the eye and can extent over the cheeks. everyone has these and idk why people dont like them i think theyre really cool!!!! but Society. i guess. :/ 7. eye bags - caused by the skin sagging beneath the eyes. mccoy isnt even that old in tos i think hes meant to be mid 40s by the end of the 5 year mission, hes just got really prominent eye bags lmao 8. idk what the name is for these, but when the mouth is wide and pushes the skin to the sides, these folds sometimes form outside of the nasolabial folds 9. philtrum - the groove above the upper lip. i dont usually draw this but mccoy's struck me as prominent enough that i usually draw it on him 10. masseter - the muscle that moves the jaw up and down. its a pretty rugged muscle and while i wouldnt say mccoy's is especially prominent, it kind of extends that nasojugal groove from certain angles/positions 11. orbicularis oris - mouth muscle, usually easier to see when lips are pursed or frowns are pulled. mccoy's is pretty prominent from 3/4ths or side, his mouth tends to protrude in profile 12. this isnt a muscle but more of a line defining the planes of the face, but since i drew it i felt i should explain lmao

a few points:

im an animator i tend to exaggerate and emphasize certain things so i usually make him more square.

i like to combine eyebags and crows feet for brevity/flow, same with nasojugal grooves, eyebags, and masseter lines. my approach is always subject to change based on pose, expression, reference image, etc.

i take out details that i deem redundant or cluttering and keep what details i need to make things feel Right

all this info is applicable to any character of any age, its just in how you apply it and facial proportions that willl change how old a character is perceived to be

there's a lot more with drawing a Character rather than an Actor, just because the features are there doesnt necessarily mean things will feel correct? its very much in the mannerisms and poses and expressions

i only went over my approach to his likeness but not really body type or posing or anything idk if u want that i could always try to answer that later haha

_______________

anyways all that info kind of exists nebulously in my brain while i draw its not like im sitting there thinking Must Draw. Nasolabial Fold...... i jsut do what feels right with the visual info i have. also i love specificity in faces.... i dont like to be a hater but when every character is drawn the same it pisses me off a little lmao. so

also dont take my word as The Only Way to do anything i just draw how i like to draw and no one should feel like these are things that Must be done to be a good artist or anything do whatever the hell u wanna do

#anyways my apologies that was. a lot #it will happen again if asked of me.#anon #ask #everyone has this stuff going on with their face and its really cool but capitalism and the beauty industry and whatnot #have been rotting peoples brains since the moment they came to be #the more u look at and appreciate how ur skin an muscles and bones interact with one another the more fine u are with your own face #trust me #because its really cool. like mechanically and stuff #idk if its like theraputic or something but maybe it is or maybe i think about it all way too much #how i draw #ive got some other similar things under that tag i think pertaining to merlin but still similar info

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fairuzfan · 5 months

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I think you misinterpreted what that Bund anon said. I know how it feels now that a lot of people try to distract the attention from people in Gaza and victimize Israelis and zionists falsely using antisemitism. But what that anon meant is that the strive for a country or a homeland for Jewish people itself isn't something inherently wrong and bad. With the increasing antisemitism its understandable that Jewish people feel more insecure than years before. I hope you are aware that the antisemitism isn't only the fake one that zionists use. There have been a number of attacks on random Jewish people and community centers or houses. Like they said Israel itself was oppressive and colonial from the start. Zionists even before the creation of Israel were actively harming Palestinian population (despite pogroms were mutual). But what they meant was that it shouldn't necessarily be like that. You can't say that any Jewish attempts or desire to make a country for themselves will necessarily be like this.

I hope I delivered my point correctly.

Hello. I'm actually very tired regarding the topic and won't be answering/discussing anything after this, or at least I will try not to. I'm not interested in a discussion on the matter.

Unfortunately, Zionism, in the modern day, is a political ideology that relies on settler colonialism. Herzl, the founder of modern political Zionism, himself said this in his book. He straight up says it is a colonial project.

If you still call yourself a Zionist right now in this day and age knowing what Zionism represents, then I am wholly uninterested in your viewpoints. The post that caused the other anon to send me something (click) had a quote from a tweet that sums up my fundamental point:

“There’s a actual existing Zionism which practices apartheid and denial of human rights. But there’s another Zionism inside my head which is all rainbows and kosher marshmallows, so who can say which is the real Zionism?”

I'm not going to talk about the topic of Jewish homeland as a necessity. That is not what I'm talking about right now. I am saying that Zionism is the reason for the displacement and murder of my family members and friends. It is the reason the United States is so heavily invested in the state of Israel. It is the reason the people of Gaza are being bombed day and night, being starved. It is the reason the people in the West Bank are literally pushed out of their homes.

Regardless of your hopes and dreams, that is the reality I am living with. If you align yourself under the term "Zionism," then yes, you are for the murder and displacement of my people. I am not willing to budge on this.

You can argue all you want about what sort of Zionist you want to be, but just know that Palestinians will see you and be afraid of you, regardless of your ethnicity or emotional ties to the word.

#please do not argue with me on this #my reality is not less than your dreams

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ravenonice · 1 year

Text

I'm sure at least some of you have by now seen ice dancers Gabriella Papadakis and Madison Hubbell skating together:

And let's just get this out of the way: They're STUNNING! Absolutely amazing! And I am beyond excited about what's coming!

But here's what we're NOT going to do:

Especially on Twitter I've been seeing comments like:

"IRL YURI ON ICE!"

"Viktuuri paved the way!"

"Yuuri and Viktor did it first!"

And it's disappointing.

When Skate Canada changed their rules to allow couples of all gender constellations in ice dance and pair skating it was a huge deal! And now that the ISU is allegedly considering following suit and therefore same sex couples maybe being allowed in international competition in the foreseeable future is even more HUGE!

What is happening right now in figure skating and ice dance is revolutionary and a big step forward in a sport that, even though it attracts a lot of lgbtq+ individuals, is still pervaded by homo- and transphobia!

This rule change doesn't just open up the field for homosexual romance stories, it also officially includes non-binary athletes, who are kinda existing in a grey area so far.

Plus, this isn't necessarily an LGBTQ+ issue. Another issue in pairs and ice dance is that is seen as inherently romantic...and audiences and judges hardly accept any other narrative. If you and your partner don't seem like you are madly in love, you don't have any chemistry at all and your presentation is worth hardly anything.

This leaves us with juniors and sibling duos skating routines with sexual narratives (not good) and skaters who are pressured to fit in a mold of what a figure skating/ice dance pair should look like and present as. And it doesn't really matter what they're comfortable with. It's what gets you points from the judges and praise from the audience.

Also there are much more women in the sport than men. This leaves a lot of women who'd like to compete in dance without a partner. Sure, there are solo dance competitions now. But it's not recognised by the ISU yet and also it clearly is not exactly the same as with a partner as things like lifts and partnered dance spins aren't possible.

While this rule change opens up the sport for lgbtq stories, it also helps to open up the sport to a wider range of performances and stories that aren't romantic or sexual in any way.

Putting the label "gay!" on a same sex couple in ice dance and pairs isn't necessarily helping the cause...and I admit that I am guilty here and I need to tone my excitement for that side of it down a little maybe 😅

So please respect the work that people in the sport have put in and the work Gabi and Madi are putting in right now to pave the way for this exciting rule change, and don't ascribe any part in it to Yuuri on Ice, no matter how much it may remind you of that end credit scene of Yuuri and Viktor.

Thank you 🫶🏻

Here's a few links for further reading on why this is a huge step forward that do a much better and more detailed job at explaining this than I do!

#figure skating #ice dance #yuri on ice #yuri!!! on ice #yuuri on ice #yoi #gabriella papadakis #madison hubbell

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cosmic-ghost-hermit · 2 months

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Heyo! All the art on these readings is drawn by me. Take what you can from the reading and leave all that does not resonate behind but always be open to new perspectives.

The archetype reading was inspired by the deck I used today. The guide book uses examples from anime to fit the descriptions of the tarot cards. I thought that was really clever so I decided to build off that idea and tell you what archetype you are most drawn to wants to tell you. In short, this is really a message from a specific cards energy. I hope this helps anyone who might be struggling!

PILE 1

Crystal: Tigers Eye

Character: Badtz-Maru

Archetype: The Empress

Astrology: Taurus ♉️, Libra ♎️, Pisces ♓️, Virgo ♍️

Dear pile 1, you are represented by the empress of this deck. The archetype you embody is someone who is luxurious, modest, kind and attentive. You care deeply for those you love and would do anything to assist them and make their life easier. You are a fantastic friend, partner and companion. You don’t necessarily have to be a woman to embody that energy. The message this part of you wants to tell you is that your kindness is being taken for granted. Your attentiveness is being discarded as if the love you gave isn’t worth anything. Your intuition is telling you to withdraw from the connection that is causing this. You maybe started this friendship or connection a while ago but you have started to notice this pattern from the other party in this relationship. They don’t return your love. They don’t say thank you when you go out of your way to be good to them. This doesn’t mean you should necessarily cut them off. Just don’t go out of your way anymore. They are undeserving if they cannot be grateful to you for all you do. I see if you did stop it would barely be noticed at first. However, the person will slowly realize how much you did to assist them. How much work you did was important and helped them get through the day easily. If they apologize and communicate they did wrong that won't necessarily be your queue to go back to scratching their back. You need to wait for them to lend their assistance to you. That will be your invitation to return to being kind. Until then use the extra time you have working on your passion projects and aiming for your dreams.

🖤✒️🔎💻🕋🛞♟️🎤🎼🎱🏴🪨🐕‍🦺🕶️🎩🐦‍⬛💣🎵🎶♣️♠️🏴‍☠️👁️‍🗨️

PILE 2

Crystal: Flower Agate

Character: Keroppi

Archetype: The Devil

Astrology: Leo ♌️, Aquarius ♒️, Capricorn ♑️, Gemini ♊️

Hey pile 2! Your archetype is the devil. Don’t worry though, for this doesn’t make you evil or bad. All this communicates to me is you are an enjoyer of the darker parts of life. You enjoy what other people usually fear. This is definitely not something horrible you should shame yourself about. I see you probably enjoy altered states of reality or perhaps you are very free with your sexual expression. I see you like the taste of control, power and vengeance. Again not a bad thing in my mind. Humans have many states of being and no part of existence is incorrect. Your message from the devil archetype is not asking you to cold turkey your behavior. However, I think it is saying balance is super important when you dabble in darkness. You might be prone to addiction to literally anything you can get dopamine from. I am an addict as well. I know how hard restraint can be. Even doing this reading is giving me cravings to be honest so I know you deal with cravings constantly. Your cards are saying it doesn’t matter if you feed the addiction. You will always be starving for more. You will always be chasing something you can never achieve. Please take care of your body before the cravings lead to worse. When I was dealing with my addiction I ended up in the hospital multiple times. It would have killed me if I hadn’t stopped. It is okay to dabble in darkness but seriously I beg you, from the bottom of my heart please moderate. Moderation is key to keeping yourself safe. If you are meant to have the darkness, it will be in your grasp. If you are in need of a break. Trust the universe when it takes it away. You are not evil for needing. I want to reiterate that because I know how it feels to need something that hurts you.

💚🦈🪀🧃🍵🪦🥗🥒🥑🌪️🫒🍸🍏🥝☘️🌱🥈⚓️🪴🎍🐍🦎🚬👒🤢

PILE 3

Crystal: Carnelian

Character: Tuxedo Sam

Archetype: Emperor

Astrology: Cancer ♋️, Aries ♈️, Sagittarius ♐️, Scorpio ♏️

Hey, pile 3! Your archetype is the emperor. You are a force to be reckoned with. A master of your craft and skilled beyond other people's wildest imaginations. You have a plan and have been putting so much energy into it. You know exactly what you want and exactly how to get it. Your cards are pretty straight forward just like you are. They are telling me that working hard is good! That your progress is fantastic and you have made it so far! However, the pace you are keeping at is almost unsustainable. You can’t juggle all of the tasks you are trying to keep under control. You cannot do it all by yourself. That isn’t logical! Humans are not solitary creatures. We need community and connection to continue on. Humans who have been left alone for too long go hecking crazy! You absolutely can handle all of it mentally. I am not saying you are incapable because you are SO CAPABLE. Rome was not built in a day. Masterpieces are not made out of minutes, they are made out of days or months or years. You are creating a masterpiece so allow yourself time to think about it. Allow yourself the space to brainstorm and be patient with your body and your creativity. Be gentle with yourself. You are only one person and the secret you are missing is that you are not alone. The silly little secret is that you don’t need to set a deadline for the greatness you are going to grow into. One of my favorite artists didn’t make it when he was 20. He grew into his greatness when he was 35. Does that make him any less of a great artist? Absolutely not!!! You are cool, awesome and wonderful! Why do you need to prove that when you already know it is true?

💙💤🌀🪬🌨️🧿💎🚿🧊🫐🌊🌧️🌬️💨🌏🦋🪼🐬🧢🫂🥶💠

-ghost 🖤🩵

#tarot #tarot reading #astrology #pick a crystal #pick a pile #tarot pick a card #crystals #pick a card #spiritualgrowth #spirituality #spirit #archetype reading #archetype #anime tarot #shadow work #tarot shadow work #light work #witchcraft #self discovery

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nogenderbee · 3 months

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♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕓𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕤 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕔𝕣𝕒𝕫𝕪 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ not a request

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ I couldn't hold any event for Valentine's this year because of lack of motivation so I just picked my favorites (or the ones I felt like writing atm) out of all groups and wrote different classic prompts for them! Hope it's also a decent celebration!

And happy being in love with someone, your pet or yourself! Whatever suits you haha

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff, TW: mentions of scars and scratching in An part, amnesia and mentions of coma and hospital in Rui's part

Affiliation with @virtualbookstore

✧ soul mates (scars show on both)

You weren't really the ugliest nor did you lack any charm. So you went through lot of relationships, but every single one had something wrong with them... They either only cared about looks and profits from your relationship, couldn't accept you as you were or you just didn't felt like they were the ones you wanted to spend rest of your life with.

Maybe it was nice to have experience in dating, but it was also disappointing with time... how hard can it be to fine your life partner? Do they even exist?

To forget about your worries, you went to your favorite cafe on Vivid Street, Weekend Garage.

"Hey An... some strong coffee please..."

"Woah! That's not like you at all! Are you alright? Don't tell my you had another break up..."

"Yeah, unfortunely I did... I'm starting to doubt there is person right for me... available at least..."

You added last part on purpose, since you always felt a bit warm around An and it wasn't necessarily thanks to the amazing coffee she could make. She was like your comfort space. We're you falling for her? Maybe. Did it felt like she cared more about her singing partner than you? Yes... And you couldn't blame her. She deserves more than anyone to be happy!

"Have you thought of using the soulmate method? It's enough if you scratch your cheek enough to make it a bit red and it'll show."

"Maybe but... I don't want to hurt my soulmate..."

"You too?! Yeah, I'd already check but I don't want to cause problems for them..."

"Well... would you be willing to do it with me? Just small scratch? I'd feel more confident with friend next to me..."

"You know what? Sure! I'll do it on left cheek and you do it on right. Remember not to overdo it, just a little red space!"

You both brought your nails to cheeks, shutting your eyes and gently scratching your cheeks gently. When you opened them, you saw An staring at you with small shock and both of her cheeks slightly red.

"Are you blushing...?"

"No. I'm actually not... But it may be the case too I guess... because if I am then... you're too..."

You looked at your reflection in the glass and did notice both of your cheeks slightly red. It was her! The girl you found too perfect for you for this whole time, being your soulmate!

You both smiled at each other as if you just as a miracle. It was her who finally broke the silence.

"How about I take a break and we can both calmly catch up? Coffee and cake on me!"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @badwhole @qxmmi - come get your star girl!

✧ love from first sight

Ichika was just hanging around in the music shop. She was looking through Miku shelve, looking for the newest album that recently dropped.

Though she couldn't find it even tho she looked through whole shop 6 times if not more! So she decided to approach a worker there with hopes of getting the album she came here for.

"Excuse me... I'm guessing you work here... Do you maybe have... uh..."

You turned around once you heard someone calling for you. It was long blue haired girl. She surely didn't lack any charms but you had to swallow the urge to flirt or ask for her number since you were during your work hours.

She couldn't make up any words, stuttering. You thought she's just shy and wanted to encourage her a bit.

"Yes? What may I help you with? I assure you I can definitely at least try finding your album."

She cleared her throat and tried fixing her composure. Sure, she was a bit shy on daily basis but when she saw you? It's like her words stopped at her lips and instead turned into pink hue on her cheeks.

"I-I wanted to know if you maybe have... Miku... albums... album! A... recent album. Miku album. Heh..."

She scolded herself in her thoughts for ruining her chances. She wanted to just grab that album and leave at this point.

"Ah, I think I know which one you mean! You have a good taste I just admit! Follow me, it should be somewhere in the corner area..."

Girl followed you while avoiding eye contact. Once she saw the album she wanted, she hesitantly grabbed it. She couldn't shake off the thought you also liked Miku... That's of course not uncommon but she was charmed by you from the beginning.

"Thank you. You helped me a lot... I'll... head to pay and... hopefully we can meet again!!"

After these words she rushed away. She couldn't believe how emberassed she was in that moment, she even said things that she normally wouldn't. Now afraid to come back because she might make things even more awkward, but on the other hand, she also wanted to see you again... And you did! You just didn't knew you both fell for each other at the same time and couldn't admit to it because of different obstacles.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @prsk-krow - come get your Miku lover!

✧ enemies to lovers

You and Ena were in the same art class and you were enemies almost everywhere when art came in the way. In classes you were always asking teacher who's drawing is better or which had less flaws. In media you were comparing your followers and likes count just to rub it into other ones face.

Though soon enough your competition changed into... wanting to impress another. You both felt the same but none of you knew about it. Too proud to admit it, you covered your desire to impress another with simply being a bit mean.

"Ha! Would you look at that! Your drawing is so much worse than mine!"

"Oh shut up!! At least I didn't made grass yellow like you did!"

"It's shade of green! Not yellow! It's you making composition mistake 3 times in a row!"

"And you messed up the lightning 4 times in a row!"

"And you have pretty face and I'm not mentioning it somehow!!"

"And you-!! Wait what..."

Both of you stopped in your tracks. Suddenly the childish fight was replaced by silence. She wanted to say something but her thoughts were filled with you complimenting her.

"Um... last photo you posted... it was... pretty..."

"(Last photo I posted...? Do they mean my selfie with night town in background?!)"

Brown haired girl blushed gently as she argued with herself what to tell. You weren't in the public eye so maybe it was alright to say something opposite to insulting for once?

"Well I... found a nice cafe I wanted to go but I didn't wanted to go alone..."

She put a strand of her hair behind her ear as she looked away. Now small blush appearing on your face as well... she've never spoken so softly to you before!

"And... what if we went there together?"

You looked up awkwardly, looking her in the eyes with small hope. It was rather awkward talk of yours since you're usually competing against each other and now you're both trying to ask another on a date without saying it out loud.

"Sure. I guess it's alright since... I can check it right away instead of waiting for others..."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @qxmmi @modyuki - come get your cheesecake lover~

✧ forbidden love

Shizuku was an idol and a model, and you were her manager. You had to look as friends because rumors would spread in blink of an eye and you'd loose your job, while she'd have to deal with not only new manager but also all the messages from her fans.

But both of you weren't friends, in fact you were dating for 3 months now and none of you felt even slightly bit like it's not working out!

"Y/N!! What are you doing here standing with head in clouds?"

You felt someone hugging you from behind and could only chuckle as you knew well who it has to be.

"Hey Shizuku. Are you done with your practice now?"

"Mhm! I thought we might visit a cafe nearby?"

"Well... are you sure? We both know we often tend to be affectionate and forget about other people... we can't just show off like that even if we'd want to..."

"Ah right... we could ask for to go cakes from there then and I'll make us drinks!"

"Hehe~ Sounds good to me. We can go to my place then and I can get blankets ready while you make drinks."

"Sounds perfect~!"

She immidietly hugged you tighter and kissed your cheek. It was obvious she was excited to start your little date, but so were you!

You exchanged one last kiss before you left without even letting your pinkies touch. You wanted to seem like just 2 friends on a hangout and ordering some sweets for movie night! Nothing out of the ordinary!

Your relationship wasn't even supposed to exist and it unfortunely was an obvious fact. But you didn't wanted to listen to any of it and made it real either way! You just kept it a secret from everyone outside of MMJ~

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @qwnelisa @miya-akane - come get your beautiful model~

✧ amnesia

Rui was an inventor not only for WxS but also for his own benefits. He didn't care much how dangerous the robots in his room are as long as he gets to have a bit of fun while making them and showing them off when they're finished!

Though one day... he let you come a bit too close to one of his robots... and now there he was. Coming to your hospital bed every day with one flower, now forking bouquet on your desk.

Today he came with no other intentions, to see his loved one asleep and tell them about the show he did at Phoenix Wonderland this afternoon.

"Hey love... I know I'm late but I just-"

He stopped in his tracks upon seeing you sitting up and your eyes open, accompanied with curious look. He immidietly ran up to you, taking your hand in his as he started to tear up a bit.

"You're awake! Oh I have so much to tell you... there's so much to catch up and-"

"Who are you?"

After these words his smile was wiped away. Did you forgot him? Doctors had told him you have small amnesia and don't remember few recent years of your live but... do you not remember him at all?

But your voice was gentle... you even brought a hand to wipe his tears away. He saw it as act of your kind personality but you... you found him so pretty you couldn't help yourself but admire him a bit. You had no idea who he was but you just felt so safe with him around...

"You're so pretty..."

He looked up at you, regaining small smark of hope. Your words gave him just the push he needed to realize that even if you forgot him, he'll do his best to make new pretty memories with you.

"And so are you, my dear... Will you let me take you to nice cafe after they let you out? I know for one you really like cookies there..."

You nodded your head, not even knowing why. He just felt so safe and familiar, you wanted to be next to him.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @yulikesminori @toyaswif3y @bl4cktourmaline - come get your crazy inventor!

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azullumi · 1 year

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kazuha, wanderer, alhaitham — but love is cruel ☆彡

summary — love is not always meant to be happy, it is not just butterflies in your stomach nor daydreams. love can sometimes be filled with heartaches and cruelty.

characters — kazuha, wanderer, alhaitham (w/ gender-neutral reader)

tags — no fluff, angst (sorta), unrequitted love, secret pining but in a painful way, i didn't mention any name haha; bullet-form narration

word count — 1165

a/n — inspired from my spotify playlist and my liked songs on shuffle.

KAEDEHARA KAZUHA

"i'm just tryna understand what i am to you, more than songs we've exchanged. midnight calls, sunset views." — let you break my heart again by laufey, philharmonia orchestra

this is not a "what are we?" situation but a "do you like me?" one.

love—but not necessarily love— with him is filled with misunderstandings, miscommunication, and ambiguity. signals that he has sent you to which you couldn't interpret if it's mixed or not, if it means that way or not.

he has never given you a clear message on what his actions and words mean. it's not like you're dense or anything, it's just that he hasn't given you a clear message behind his actions or anything.

he's friendly and you hate that he's friendly because you think that he's doing this to everyone. he's nice and sweet and you think that that's just the way he is and he's probably doing that because the two of you are close to each other. he's just so kindhearted that you think his gestures to you were just mere acts of kindness.

does he even think of you the same way as you do? does he not see you the same way that you gaze at him when the sun's light reflects on his skin and you find him much more breathtaking than the sunset itself? you just wish he would tell you that he likes you or not because taking rejection is much better than staying up late at night with your thoughts clouded, mind heavy, and eyes tearing up because you could never tell if the poetries, songs, and gazes are just words and stares and not love itself blooming in his heart.

assuming things will only get you to nowhere and might make your situation worse. and no, he hasn't kissed you and you wish he did so you didn't have to suffer this way.

you wish you could tell the way he feels about you with just one look at his actions or one listen to his words. you could just never look past the flower bouquets he has given you, the sunsets you two have watched together, and the poetries he has written and shared and think that he likes you and he's not only doing this because the two of you are friends.

WANDERER

"''cause i swallowed the bubble gum, oh, and these seven years will be pretty dumb." — bubble gum by clairo

he knows he love you, he knows and he doesn't know if you also do but he only keeps them swallowed, he keeps them at the bite of his tongue and at the back of his head. he prefers it this way because it will hurt much more if he tries to say it, knowing your warmth and getting used to it would be much worse than living through years with loneliness and untold feelings.

even when he has already made up reasons just to find you and talk to you, even when he has your laugh embedded in his memory, even when he has already thought of how lovely it is the way your lips curve up into a smile or when it forms into a grin that drains all judgment in his head, even when he already has spent so much time looking at you and admiring you that he already memorized your face and the way you look at his, even when your soul has already been tangled up with his but you'll never know it.

he sees your soul and feels like spilling himself on the floor, drowning himself in parts that make up your whole existence, he has studied every inch of your face, reading everything there is about you even when his eyes get sore.

he tried to stop loving you, he really did. there are moments where he thinks that he can finally look at you in your eyes without his heart aching but when the moment comes wherein he gazes at you, he always looks away first or avert his stare to somewhere else.

he's left dealing with such cruel feelings but he thinks it's much better this way. he thinks that suffering in such way is better than being in agony for lifetimes to come because he has felt the feeling of how it is to shower oneself in your love, affection, and feelings but could never attain nor feel it anymore.

is he terrified? perhaps you could say that, however, he only wishes to protect himself from misery by breaking his heart with his own hands.

ALHAITHAM

"truth is that i'm terrified of how you might react 'cause maybe you'd rather us be friends, we might be better off like that." — i don't know how to tell you this by faith ling

he didn't think that love could make him feel this way and it's not a heart-fluttering, feet-kicking, and giggling way but in a staring at the ceiling, head empty, and heart heavy kind of way.

he doesn't know how to tell you what he feels, not when you probably think that you only think of him as a close friend of yours. words always threaten to leave his mouth, confessions and feelings wanting to be blurted out all at once, but they're always stuck in his throat for a long time before swallowing it where it will remain stuck and jammed like small pieces of broken glasses at the bottom of his lungs.

he just could never tell you it, he just couldn't tell you the fact that he thinks about you every time he lays on his bed and how you always keep him up at night. he can never tell you about how he pictures you wearing white in his dreams and how he wants you tangled in his sheets and you being the first thing he sees when he wakes up. he just couldn't tell you anything.

he wishes he could just move on and get rid of his feelings but how could he even. things are always easier said than done because despite the amount of times he says to himself that he can just focus on another thing and distract himself, his mind always threatens to wander at the thought of you. how could he even move on when you're the one that haunts his dreams and you are what his eyes sees and looks for in a crowd of people.

why does love have to be this painful? if he had known this would happen, he would have wished to not get close to you, he would have stopped himself from getting close to you and basking in the warmth and happiness you give him. he wouldn't mind going back to the way it was before, to the times wherein he only has himself and his curiosity and desire to attain more knowledge rather than seeking out for you in each moment and looking at your eyes and falling in love every time.

— navigation | masterlist

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nikethestatue · 3 months

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Greetings,

I’m a baby elriel. I’ve like never really “shipped” any characters before in my life — and after the last few weeks of looking at the historical/ongoing ship war clusterfuck that is the ACOTAR fandom I don’t think I’m ever going to set sail again anywhere. You and all the other elriels who have been in the trenches from the get go have my respect 🫡 Anyways, your blog is super swaggy and you’re like the chillest elriel I’ve seen, so it is to your inbox that I shall share my testimony, my come to Mother moment if you will.

I didn’t really start giving any serious thought to the two them being a legit thing until I was already done with ACOSF. And it’s wild because it was the “‘I don’t see you spouting poetry, brother.’ ‘I don’t need to resort to it.’” bit in ACOWAR between Cassian and Azriel that triggered me to reevaluate.

When I first read that part I was like damn okay I see you Rizzriel, and I just kept on thinking about it and coming back to it cause it was so funny and entertaining but one day I was like yo hold up, don’t need to resort to it?? Okay, Mr. “Born Hearing the Song of the Wind.” Okay, Mr. waxing poetic about “The Naphelle Philosophy.” Like don’t get me wrong, it is definitely, first and foremost, a subtle flex for his third unspoken title; he is Azriel — shadowsinger, spymaster, and rizz master of the Night Court. However, I am a firm believer that he doesn’t need to resort to poetic words as some sort of attempt at flattery or being charming because the right situation/person naturally draws out that part of him.

✨Walk with me✨

When Elain and Azriel first meet in ACOMAF, even though there’s not a whole lot of interaction between them, it’s definitely a case of two people having a connection simply off vibes alone (yay for those of us who don’t have loud personalities). He puts her at ease with a smile and by acknowledging her fears and apprehension about their presence, about how much of a mindfuck it was for her to be dining in her home with those she was raised to believe were horrific creatures that would kill her if given the chance.

So like because of this, I think Elain is driven by a deeper curiosity that came from her unexpected comfort when she asks “Can you truly fly?” cause ngl asking the dude with massive wings if he can fly is certainly a choice 🧍🏽‍♀️ Like, there’s more to it than that, more than just attempting to transition from a tense situation into conversational small talk which could’ve been done just as easily with the likes of “Tell me about yourself” or a more confrontational “So what are you?” — which is essentially what Nesta asked immediately after 💀

Elain doesn’t know anything about these guys, but she sees Feyre trusts them, and Azriel’s small expressions of gentleness towards her amidst the escalating interactions made her willing to attempt connecting with him further. So I think her asking a ridiculously simple question with an obvious answer was her way of softly inviting him to share something about himself — not necessarily through what he responds with but rather how he responds — because something, if anything, unique to his answer beyond a simple yes or no would offer her a glimpse at him. And what does he do? Stone-faced, cold ass — doesn’t open his mouth except to give the shortest answers possible or to make some sharp sassy retort — Azriel spouts poetry for her about his and Cassian’s heritage.

So after my revelation slapped me in the face and then bonked me over the head for good measure, I went back and sought out all their interactions and was like dang bro became horrendously down bad for her in the most quietly romantic way possible and she’s feelin something too I can’t believe I didn’t pay attention to this before. I love love love that they just seem to be at ease in each other’s presence, that the vibes between them are so immaculate they don’t even need to bother with many words. Existing in comfortable silence with someone is like my favorite way to spend time in relationships whether it’s familial, platonic, or romantic so it makes me feel all fuzzy that we see them like that quite often.

So now I’m here and am looking forward to eventually reading about them and discovering more about Elain’s gifts because the whole creation story with the Mother + the Cauldron always gave me Gaia-type vibes and with Elain being invested in gardening and then being made a Seer by the cauldron because it thought she was so lovely I’m like Elain Archeron — the absolute goddess that you are, light and life flowing through your Made veins — we haven’t even seen all you can do yet and you’ve got this angelic fae male of death and darkness ready to worship you on his knees and I’ma be right there with him yes ma’am 🛐

WOW baby Elriel. You smote me with this beautiful post.

(first of all, you should write fanfiction. You reminded me of the greatest Elriel (or otherwise) writer that ever graced this hot mess of a fandom with their presence)

But I can't agree more. I think SJM actually pays attention to them, as a couple. Not something she does with many others. That relationship just flows so beautifully in the background, calm and poetic, even with the language she uses around them. There is so much imagery of death and life and decay and rebirth and beauty and flowers and blades and warmth and baking and loneliness and despair and searching for love and for home.

I don't know what she'll do with them, but it could be her Magnum Opus if she is careful, thoughtful and steady in crafting their story. What she already put down deserves special treatment when the story actually comes to pass.

Also, welcome to the fandom.

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imma-devil · 2 years

Note

I am begging you to write a part two for whole lotta love, the chimestry between leads was INMACULATE and the smut was fire. Sub eddie is love, sub eddie is life

Whole Lotta Love Pt 2 | e.m

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female!Reader

Warning: 18+ Smut (MINORS DNI), swearing, implications of alcohol/weed (not really tho)

Summary: After Eddie and you made the choice to pass the threshold of just being friends, you must figure out where you want to end up. Eddie grapples with insecurities and struggles to voice them. Will the two of you back pedal on your actions or take it a step further?

Tags: No use of (y/n), Sub!Eddie Munson, Soft!Dom!Reader, some pet names (lover boy, beautiful, etc?), P in V sex, unprotected sex (use protection), contraceptives, creampie, pining, a tad of angst, some emotional hurt/comfort, Soft!Eddie, FLUFFFFFFFFF, Friends to Lovers trope, smut, driving under the influence (don’t do that), a few analogies of drugs/alcohol, some gentle loving that gets heated, slight choking, bites, edging, consent is hot, thighs, leg/thigh riding, hair pulling, finger sucking, riding, cock warming if you squint, barely any proofreading.

Word count: 5,900+

Please do not steal or copy my work. Don’t repost without credit. This is my written work, everything besides the characters and plot points by the original writers, belongs to me.

After the actions that progressed in the confines of Eddie’s trailer, the two of you spent a little over an hour, listening to music and lying with one another. The both of you were back in your clothes, backs braced against the wall with your arms wrapped around each other. You had helped Eddie clean up, whispering little nothings of admiration and sending him affectionate smiles.

But, Eddie was uncharacteristically quiet. You could tell it wasn’t necessarily a negative thing. He didn’t seem distraught—or as if he were battling with regret. He snuck you small smiles in response to yours, and his eyes couldn’t seem to meet yours for longer than a few seconds before flitting away to examine the details of his room. Yet, when he thought you weren’t looking, he’d gaze deeply upon your face, as if you were the most-delicately sculpted piece of artwork in the world. You attempted to coax him further into a state of comfort by asking him simple questions; details on Corroded Coffin, and future plans for his DnD campaign...but, Eddie gave uneventful answers; often through stuttered words and a seemingly dry mouth.

He was aware of the stagnant, odd tension that was fogged in the air. Almost as aware as he was of your eyes on him, which raked over his body with similar enthusiasm to himself.

The more that time drawled on, the further you were convinced that you should grant him some space.—Which is why you smoothly managed to slip in that you should leave for the night. Eddie didn’t oppose, seeing as it was well into 4 in the morning, and the both of you had a day full of lectures on the horizon. You meandered about for a bit longer before you eventually left, but you couldn’t help but wish to stay.

He walked you to the door, lingering in the open doorway as he took in the sight of you under the ambient light of the moon. You held back a smile when his leg began to swing in a self-comforting gesture.

“Drive safely, okay?” Eddie said with a shy grin, his doe eyes centered on you.

“Unlike you...” You smirked, attempting to reel back in the teasing energy that existed between you. “—I don’t drive like a madman.”

He huffed out a laugh, leaning forward on his hands, which were pressed on the wall above the door. He subconsciously redirected his gaze to his shoes before emitting a soft, “rude”

You made use of the situation, taking Eddie slightly off-guard by leaning your face in below his bowed head. The movement caused his eyes to shoot to yours with a certain magnetism, causing his skin to erupt from the intangible electricity.

You gradually raised your posture while keeping your closed distance; Eddie found himself following the flow of movements with his body as if he was lulled into a trance. >>God—how were you doing this to him?<;<

He was so used to being the one in control of the few relationships he’s had. Even while holding the label of ‘Freak’ at Hawkins High, he still had women who were interested in him before (and men— which he didn’t seem to notice). He remembers having his arm draped over their shoulder, causing them to smile by simply meeting their eyes in a flirtatious stare. Oh, but with you, he felt like the dames- who he basked with his arm over their shoulder. It made him feel like a fool—twiddling his fingers and kicking his feet on his bed. Pink in the face and a love-stricken smile, which made his cheeks sore. With your friendship, there was rarely a moment when you weren’t indulged in a game of tag, ping-ponging flirtations back and forth with little seriousness. He thought he was the only one that craved oh-so-deeply to bring your game to reality... but now that he could see he was wrong, he wasn’t sure he could handle the weight of those implications. The weight, that you practically held his heart in your hands, with the full intention to take it for yourself.

“Eddie?” you called, pulling him back from the complexities of his swirling thoughts.

“Hmmm?” He responded in a drowsy voice that sounded like his judgment was clouded in a shroud of intoxication. It made laughter bubble on your lips.

“Where’d you go?” you referenced to him being lost in thought.

“—Nowhere,” he gave a lopsided smile. “I’m right here.”

You hummed a sound in response before your hand came up to hold one of his loose hanging curls. A huskier sound followed from you right after when Eddie sucked in a breath.

“...Kiss?” you asked with a growing smile and your tongue teasing at your cheek, finding amusement in the romantic tension.

“You—” His voice strained before clearing his throat to try again, “... you wanna kiss?”

You nodded, pulling lightly at the curl, watching as it stretched and sprung back into its shape.

Eddie looked back on his shoulder like he was checking for someone within his home who were to spy on your interaction, but you knew quite well that he was hiding his face away from you so he could retrieve himself again. With his hands still clinging above the doorframe, it only enabled him to shield himself further.

He could hear your chirp of laughter, undoubtedly smirking ear to ear at him from behind his view... and it only tugged on his heart more. He figured that if you pulled the tension any further, it would snap.

Eddie suddenly turned back to you, his hair whipping at the movement. He leaned forward to bridge the gap between you, and when you simply smiled and looked into his eyes, he inhaled you in a choked gasp. You teased at his lips with your own in a light caress, allowing him to deepen the kiss. The two of you closed your eyes at the exact moment—and the more that the kiss grew, the further he leaned into you, seeking you out.

But, in a harmless tease, you backed away at a grueling pace and watched as he continued to progress forward. When he eventually couldn’t move any further without falling from the door, your lips parted with a quiet smack. He looked at you quizzically, his soft eyes, looking impossibly softer.

“Get some rest lover-boy,” you cooed. “We have class in a few hours.”

His lips parted to speak, but he opted to let the words die on his tongue and he watched you head towards your car with a giddy grin. Even when your car was out of the lot and no longer visible to him, he could still feel the heat in his ears and an uncomfortable-yet-addictive pressure in his chest.

✝︎

When he saw you at school just a couple hours later, he watched as he caught glimpses of your face amongst the crowd. But, the bell rang, and he lost sight of you—inevitably causing him to fight his desire to speak with you and head to his first-period class.

The rest of the day was filled with some more of the same—fleeting glances, passing conversations, and lingering want. It wasn’t intentional. He wanted to believe that. But, when granted the chance to speak with you between third and fourth period, he opted out and sought cover in the bathroom with his heart running a mile-per-minute. He wanted to slap himself for running away—but the feeling of his heart hammering in his chest at the sight of you walking his way was too much. He thanks that you hadn’t spotted him, because he isn’t sure if he could handle the agonizing embarrassment of you watching him scramble to the nearest restroom instead of having a simple conversation.

He hoped that reaction would be contained to the one instance, but when you joined up to eat lunch at the cafeteria table, he couldn’t seem to meet your eyes during the whole 35 minutes of being there.

The next two days consisted of the same. The two of you not being able to speak about what happened that night in his trailer. You tried to meet his reluctance to talk with more diligence of your own, but you quickly registered that Eddie was just a pinch shy of avoiding you.... and not just in the sense of his apparent adamance in not wanting to speak alone, but also in his incessant need to talk over you when you were hanging out in a group.

Eddie is on average, a talkative person. He likes the attention—often filling the quiet with his noise; whether it be his unyielding onslaught of social commentary, rambunctious jokes, or the metal music that he shreds from his guitar strings. But, you could deduce that he was being noisier than usual. He was overcompensating by dialing his personality tenfold—and even the boys were beginning to catch on.

Especially on the second day during lunch; when Eddie cut you off mid-sentence and carried on until his breath practically ran out. Most of the group was too caught up in the humor of his words to really care or notice, but Mike and Dustin were quick to comment on it.

Mike uttered out, “dude” in a subtle scolding tone, which halted Eddie in his second burst of rambling. Then Dustin piggybacked off of it by hissing “—you just talked over them” with his hands sprawled out in his typical animated manner.

You hadn’t really pushed it, too confused to find it insulting. But, Eddie looked like he was struck, causing him to quickly apologize. The word ‘sorry’ was rushed from his mouth and his eyes skipped over your frame with a certain weariness to them.

...and just like that, you’d had enough. Not that you were angry or upset, you were just worried. Worried that you’d all but broken ‘The’ Eddie Munson, causing your friendship to take a not-so-subtle dive for the worse. So, you casually slipped a tattered note into his ring-clad hand; asking for him to come to your house after school.

When Eddie read the note under the table, he immediately knew that he couldn’t run anymore... not without making it obvious to you. Though, it was already obvious, to begin with.

✝︎

You were sure he’d bailed when the day turned to night, but Eddie proved you wrong when his knuckles wrapped against your bedside window. Music was thrumming lowly from your stereo and a candle was burning on your desk. The overhead light was off, instead, relying on the candle to warm the room in an orange glow.

You were eternally confused on why Eddie always insisted on entering your room through the bedroom window when you had a single floor home and the front door was only ten feet away. But, you opened the window anyway, allowing the lanky boy to crawl inside your house.

Immediately, it was like he brought all the energy with him. He was pacing ever-so-slightly and toying at knickknacks on your shelves. He was explaining why he was late, starting with how his uncle tasked him with chores, then somehow ended up chasing a little dog that got loose from a neighbor’s yard. One story hopped to another when he told you how his neighbor from across the lot, Max, was doing tricks on her skateboard. With each retelling of the events of his day, he turned his head, as if he was searching his mind for the details. Then, suddenly switched to a new tangent, enthusiastically saying “It smells good in here.”

Somewhere in the middle of his endless, adorable babbling, you found a seat on the corner of your bed with your legs tucked beneath you. A pillow had found its way into your lap, and you were twirling at the frayed stitches with your fingers. You nodded along occasionally to his speech, finding genuine interest in his words.

Eddie had just started gushing about his new Metallica ‘Master Of Puppets’ album when his topic change gave you whiplash, “—wait!... so what did you wanna talk about?”

His confused and questioning expression made it seem like you were the one that hadn’t gotten to the point, and the irony of it made you smile in bewildered amusement. Eddie plopped down onto your desk chair, his eyes drifting between you and the candle on your desk. In actuality, he was looking beyond you—his eyes just close enough to give the illusion that he was meeting your stare. He started hovering his fingers over the flame, wiggling them slightly, causing the flame to dance on the wick—like a sorcerer and his conjured spells.

“You’ve been avoiding me, Eddie.” You stated, but the question was there.

His face screwed up in guilt, “... I know.”

A moment passed before he spoke again in a somber voice, “I’m sorry.” His body visibly slouched at the shoulders, mirroring a remorseful child that was scolded for bad behavior. He anxiously toyed with his bottom lip between his teeth and picked at his fingernails.

“Is it because of the other night?...” you asked, pulling your feet from beneath you to place them on the floor.

Eddie swiveled his head slightly to act out a ‘so-so’ movement, “Kinda...”

He watched as you moved the pillow, reaching out with empty hands to grab his. Just as he expected, a subtle ache plucked at his chest. The sensation only amplified when you soothed him with your thumbs, rubbing gentle patterns over his skin.

“Talk to me,” you gently asked. “...please?”

Eddie sat there for a minute, his lips opening and closing, trying to find the words to voice his thoughts. His frustration increased as the words evaded him, his leg picking up to an anxious pace as his nerves bobbed beneath his skin. Admittedly, your adrenaline lurched when he suddenly stood, nearly dragging you with him. He huffed, carding both of his hands through his hair before throwing them to his sides.

“Why is this so god damn difficult?!” He hissed loudly, his hands annunciating his words. His voice was squeaky when distressed.

“Eddie— take your time,” you tried your best to sound reassuring. “No one is rushing you, I’m listening.”

Eddie glanced at you from the side of his eyes before returning to his episode of self-scolding.

“You don’t have to be a poet either—” you promptly added. “There’s no need for a Shakespearean depiction of how you feel, you could sprout a jumbled mess, and I’d still listen to you.”

Eddie returned to wiping frantically at his face as if he could knead the words out of him. But, you gave an exasperated sigh, rushing to stand in front of him to rip his hands from his face. His skin was blooming in an aggravated rash of pink from his hands. You pulled him, guiding him to sit down on your mattress to where you stood over him.

“What if I were to talk?—” you suggested. “Would that help... for you to hear me out, then be able to gather your thoughts together?”

Eddie simultaneously shrugged his shoulders and shook his head―making his anxious confusion all that more apparent. Seeing him this panicked made you feel worried; motivating you to dote on him. You braced your hands on his shoulders, kneading the pads of your fingers into the tension of his muscles. His eyes came to an involuntary close, and his shoulders sagged under your touch.

“Or―we don’t have to talk at all?” you whispered, “We could just stay like this...”

He hummed, his head lulling to the side to rest on your arm.

His comfort didn’t last long― you could imagine the cogs working inside his mind while he wrestled with his thoughts. And, almost like feeling the electricity in the air right before lightning strikes, you could sense that he was about to speak.

He looked so vulnerable beneath you when he tentatively placed his hands upon yours. His eyes finally opened, and you swear they were dewy with unshed tears. “I li— I like you,” he forced the words out with a strained and hesitant voice.

“...like more than— more than a friend.” He grumbled, his eyes flitting over the woven patterns in the rug beneath your feet. Eddie sighed, “for a while now... I don’t know— I was worried that if— if I said anything, it would ruin what we had.” He readjusted in his seat, “...but, I was greedy— and I went ‘n fucked it up anyway.” He finished it off with a cruel laugh.

“Eddie, I—” you began.

“—and even then!— I screwed up.” His voice rose an octave. “I should’ve made it better for you! I should’ve— should’ve made you feel good!” His eyes screwed shut.

You knew that he was self-conscious about the events that transpired when the two of you indulged your desires those days ago. You had tried to reassure him that you hadn’t minded him giving in to the pleasure that you shared— even going as far as to admit that you rather enjoyed making him feel good. Which was true!— you loved the hold that you held over the boy before you.

You removed your hands from his shoulders, moving them to rest on either side of his face. The change wasn’t rushed, allowing for Eddie’s hands to remain on yours.

“Eddie, I like you too.” You said with a solid and confident voice. “I’ve likely felt that way since before I could register what it was that I was feeling...”

Eddie could hear the vulnerability in what you had just admitted. It tempted him to believe you, even though a part of him was convinced it was impossible—despite all reason and logic pointing to the truth.

“—I don’t want you to feel like you screwed up when you were just enjoying yourself in the moment... Especially because I meant what I said—and I wish I took it more seriously if it meant that I could ease how you’re feeling now.” You explained with the utmost honesty.

Eddie contemplated having something to say, but he appreciated not having to when you spoke again in a sultry voice: “... I like making you feel good.”

You could feel the movement of his jaw beneath your hands when he swallowed at your words; a soft sigh falling from his lips.

“I like finding all the little things that make you swoon...” you murmured through a teasing voice. “I enjoy having you be mine— where I can treat you— and dote on you...” with each pause, you raked your fingers through his hair, finding a new place to rest your hands over his frame.

Eddie’s breaths grew long and drawn out— whispers of light moans at the back of his throat, rumbling with each caress.

“I want you, Eddie” you said, each word carrying with it a great magnitude. “Nothing that you could do, would change that.”

Eddie hummed.

“—especially when everything you do is so addicting, making me crave for another hit.” You pulled him in closer, your hands, woven in the hair behind his ears, his face in a comforting embrace by your chest. “...another moan, another whine, and another kiss.”

Eddie’s hands shot to your frame, latching around your waist while the other clenched around the fabric of your shirt. He inhaled your sent, breathing you in to make sure this was real. Once he drew in his breath, a groan was ripped from his throat... not one filled with pleasure, but simply unbridled bliss.

With his arms wrapped around you, he used his access to pull you to sit on his lap. Your bodies were entangled together when his face found itself buried in your neck. It was as if he was trying to press you into him— bringing your bodies impossibly closer to where you could swear you felt his heart beating against your chest. You could feel his teeth graze against your neck before he ripped his face away to look at you.

He grazed the spot on your neck with his finger, swiping over it with a feather-like touch. “...can I— can I kiss you here?” He asked, his eyes forming a dark cesspool from his pupils.

“Mhmm,” you affirmed.

You thought he would begin the assault against your neck, but his hand traveled to your face. Teasing at your bottom lip with his thumb before asking in a low voice, “What about here?...”

You nodded, and that was all he needed before attacking your lips with his own. He started with such fervor and passion that you would think he’d be the one to guide this kiss, but, with one swipe of your tongue, the control changed just like the turning of the tides. You grew intoxicated by the sound of his muffled whines—yet, amused by the fact that he tried so hard to will them away.

He pulled away from the kiss with a subtle gasp, panting slightly before launching to your jaw, burning your skin with the touch of his lips. He carried the rest of his kisses, trailing down your neck, halting just before your clavicle in the place that was still wet from the brush of his teeth. He lapped at the skin before treating it with a wet kiss, topping it off with a nip of his teeth. At the sound of your faint, confounded moan, he bucked up into your hips with a groan. The interaction reminded you of the night in his trailer when he sheepishly apologized for his body’s natural reaction to his pleasure.

He was about to apologize again when his words snapped into a whine at your hand on his throat, roughly guiding him into another kiss. His breath was shuddering in between your mouths, drawing pleased moans from your lips.

“Do you wanna make it up to me?...” you mewled with your forehead pressed against his.

Eddie was going to ask what you meant, but he got his answer when you teased at his belt with your fingers. He lifted his hips into your touch, nonverbally pushing you to continue. Normally, you would tease him by drawing this out— by making him beg you to give him what he wanted. But, that sounded like it would be just as unfair to you as it would be to him—especially when the both of you wanted so badly to take this further.

You made easy work of his belt and then popped the button of his jeans. Eddie wouldn’t admit it, but the slightest pressure of your touch as you unzipped his pants was enough to make his brain short circuit because his senses were hardwired on your every touch. He was the first to break the kiss—he’d make the excuse that it was so he could undress—but, it was really so he could avoid the intense pleasure that just touching you gave him.

You followed his actions, stripping yourself of your jeans and moving after him as he scooted himself further up the mattress. He loved the sight of you as you climbed on all fours to bring yourself to him—he could only imagine how beautiful the sight would be if he was behind you instead. He was about to grab a handful of your ass when you denied him the touch of your supple flesh; instead, bringing his hand to rest flat against your abdomen.

“Take my shirt off, Eddie.” You instructed him. “—I know you want to.”

His eyes, which were glued to his hand atop your stomach, were wretched from the sight to look into your eyes. He moved on instinct, gliding his calloused fingers up your frame over your clothes. He surveyed your body for a moment before bringing his hand back down, performing the same motion, except beneath the cotton fabric of your shirt. When the tips of his fingers met the mound of your breasts, his movements stuttered.

“You-you're not wearing a bra?” He asked, his erection twitched at the realization.

You gently shook your head, smiling at his growing excitement.

Eddie brought his other hand up to aid in the removal of your shirt, and when your bare form was postured before him, he gaped at the sight. You were backlit in an orange glow, the candle encompassing half of you under its hue and the other in shadow.

Eddie brought up both of his hands to rest on your ribs, the cool metal of his rings causing a bristle to rise on your skin. “Touch me, Eddie...” you said, lulled into a rhythmic breath.

His touch was swept up to cup your breasts, his fingers pressing into your skin as he stared at you with adoration. He caught one of them with his mouth, prodding at your nipple with his tongue between his teeth. Your hands found the bottom of his Hellfire shirt, lightly tugging at the fabric. Eddie immediately raised his arms, allowing you to lift it over his shoulders. The two of you managed to find yourselves in the same embrace as before, this time with Eddie making light work at your breast as you shared smoldering kisses. The further the kiss intensified, the more that his body riveted at the passing touches of your skin against his. The slightest graze, working wonders to stimulate his nerves. Those same nerves, nearly imploding when you tugged softly on his hair.

You watched as his eyelashes fluttered at the motion and he hissed inwardly with his breath. “You’re gonna be the death of me,” He moaned while wearing a sloppy, disheveled smile.

With his hair pulled back in your grasp, revealing his neck, you laced his adam's apple with a swipe of your tongue. Keening slightly when his muscle twitched at the stimulation, you peppered his skin in puckered bruises. His skin— now an array of blotted pinks and sultry purples. With each new art piece on his canvased skin, Eddie craned into your lips, mouth forced agape in choked whimpers.

He hoped you hadn’t noticed when his hips picked up a pace, somehow falling in rhythm with the quiet song emitted from your stereo speakers. He hooked his waist in deliberate thrusts; an aching heat brewing at the feel of your plush thigh against his throbbing cock. His labored breaths had quickened, staggering with each prick of sensitivity and slacking with each pull from your tongue.

When you dug your hand into his side, the sudden contrast caused him to lurch forward to sit his forehead on your shoulder, his hips bucking up against your skin.

“...you ready?” You asked with a voice, nearly mocking a twisted innocence before turning sultry and venomous... “—you ready to be inside me?”

Eddie gave a pitiful cry at the thought, the sound instantly cut out by his teeth snapping on his tongue while he nodded enthusiastically into your shoulder. He audibly swallowed, “...yes!—god, yes”

“Let me make you feel good...” Eddie all but begged, “—I wanna make you feel good.”

He could feel your smile against his skin even before he moved to take the sight of you in. He brought his thumb to toy at your clit, hoping to prepare you for taking him in. A moan quivered on his lips when he found how wet you already were for him.

You knew that he slowed down at the realization of how he made you feel, using his lust at the feel of you to your advantage... “You made me like this,” you husked into his ear. He groaned at the words, promptly losing composure when the groan twisted into a sigh. Eddie had to fight off his release when he saw you drag his hand from your clit to take his finger into your mouth. Your tongue, lapping your own fluids from his skin. You hollowed your cheeks around his soiled digit—his mind reeling back to the memory of your lips wrapped around his dick. His jaw hung slack as you slowly drew him from your mouth, his eyes transfixed with arousal. His expression was soon corrupted by a cheeky smile; enamored by your titillating beauty and sensuality.

Stars still danced within eyes when your hand reached for the waistband of his boxer briefs. A darkened splotch on the fabric where his aggravated tip would be, you settled your hand above the fabric when you asked the necessary question, “...is this what you want?”

“I’m yours,” he stated with certainty, his eyes never leaving yours. “—do whatever you want with me.”

You chuckled at his unyielding submission before searching his briefs for his perked cock. You took him in your grasp, pulling him from the confines of the tight fabric. His breath sizzled once he felt your hand around him, his gaze growing ever more wild and playful at the developing realization of what reality had in store for him.

With your other hand, you slid your panties to the side and aligned yourself above him. “Wait!” He ushered out with a new sense of urgency. “—shouldn’t we use a condom?”

“I’m clean,” you replied. “...and I’m on the pill. But, we could use one if you want to?”

“I’m clean too—” he nodded, as to support his words. “...and I’m good if you are.”

You lowered down on him, the arousal on his face increasing as he sunk between your warm folds—a silent moan ripped from his chest when you bottomed out on him. A breathy exhale flows from your mouth at the feel of him. His hands dawned in metallic rings, clutching around the sides of your thighs. A vein pulled tight beneath the skin on his forearm as he held his breath, trying to adapt to the clench of your walls encasing him.

Once you got your bearings, you deliberately ground your hips onto him and he hissed at the sensitivity. “ah” he whimpered in a subtle plea. “—not yet.”

You had intended to hum in response to exclaim your understanding, but instead, it drawled on, simmering on a blissed-out moan. If Eddie were to be honest, he’d voice that hearing you moan on his cock wasn’t helping his predicament... but, at the sound of you feeling good, he felt motivated to pull more pleasured sounds from your lips.

With his hands still relishing in the luscious feel of your thighs, he gently eases you into a hesitant thrust. His core instantly spasmed at the pleasure it gave him. He was so focused on the place where the two of you met in a slick heat that when he glanced up, he was dazzled by your hooded, glazed-over eyes.

You were encoding the sight into memory— the darkened shade of his curls by his face, which were dampened with sweat. The slight tension between his brows, as he tried to thwart the pleasure that you gave him. The way that his lips parted when he tried to quiet his moans by passing them off as lazy breaths. You could grow addicted to this—you would bottle it up and drink it if you could.

Eddie moaned when you regained the control that he had foolishly assumed to be his. You lifted yourself up and down on his cock, rolling your hips to hit his most sensitive places. He wonders if you know what you’re doing to him?—If you were aware that you held him in the palm of your hand. You dragged him closer to his release when you graced his skin with sloppy kisses; your fingers latched onto his roots and weaponizing the slightest pain to twist it into pleasure. You knew that he was getting close when he swallowed a bitter cry, clenching his eyes shut in a private battle with himself.

Just as the coiling tension brews in his abdomen and he feels like he’s seconds from coming undone, you slow to a mind-numbing grind, like a boat on calm waves. His mind sways, just as his balance would with the water beneath him on the bellowing current. He sighs into the motion, the tension easing from his face, an instinctual disappointment taking its place.

Then you propel the pace forward again, settling back into the rhythm you established before. Eddie’s impending orgasm came back with a vengeance, causing little intricacies to fall from his tongue and quiet curses to be whispered into the air.

Even with his blood thrumming behind his ears, he could hear your breath quickening. He could feel the small puffs of wind fan against his neck. With each moan that you released, picking up at the ends with an addicting sound— he was practically thrown into his pleasure. This time, he was content with getting there... so long as he brought you there with him. He rubbed circles at your clit with his thumb, floating on the sound that it pulled from your throat.

“...you’re so beautiful—” he sighed with a voice mirroring his pleasure, following it with little complements, slurred together on rushed lips.

“—I’m gonna cum,” He murmured. He tried to open his eyes to take you in, but he couldn’t see clearly through the haze, which clouded his vision.

You slowed to a stop again, and Eddie couldn’t stop the plea that fell from his lips. He sought solace in your shoulder, planting the crook of your neck with a warm kiss. He huffed heavy pants into your skin, his chest rising with the air in his lungs.

You adjusted yourself slightly, fighting a neediness of your own— wanting nothing more but to engage in your pleasure until your climax... Wanting nothing more, except to draw further sounds of bliss from Eddie’s lips.

You bucked your hips onto him again, his fingers quickly following to return to his pursuit of your orgasm. The two of you were a harmony of moans— his were breathy and filled with need— and yours were sultry and sweet. Eddie’s thrusts were becoming sloppy, meeting resistance in his aching limbs and glazed over mind. He had been reduced to desperate pants into your shoulder as his hand fumbled at your side, pulling you into a lazy embrace.

“―cum inside me, Eddie” you sang in a dreamy voice, filled with pleasure-fueled exhaustion.

You clenched around him with a honey-soaked sob and he clasped his teeth onto your shoulder to stifle his choked, startled moan—his hips snapping into you with one final thrust. You hummed as you felt him fill you with his release, continuing to roll yourself onto him; each motion drawing an airy moan from his lips.

After the two of you had ridden out your orgasms, left in a mixture of spent pants, he leaned further into you. His face went slack on your shoulder and you caressed his hair with your hand. He strained his blissed senses to process it when you set a tender kiss behind his ear— the display, filled with affection and unbridled compassion. Your unattended hand found its way to his arm, tracing your fingers over the faded tattoo that resided within the texture of his skin.

You could feel the faint semblance of a smile on his lips from where they resided against your shoulder. In a voice similar to the one adorned in the waking morning, you purred: “...was it how you imagined it?”

He huffed a quiet laugh, “Honestly?— no...” His voice sunk into a whisper, “I wanted to whisk you off your feet...” Eddie spoke with both hinted shyness and unmatched amusement, “—but, I guess it was the other way around.”

You pressed the side of your cheek into his and deepened the embrace between you— sighing at the feel of your mixed pleasure seeping slightly from you.

“Trust me, lover boy...” you cooed into his ear. “—I’m yours.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #sub!eddie munson #dom/sub #dom!reader #gentle dom #soft!dom!reader #stanger things #stranger things season 4 #fanfiction #x reader #smut #fluff #hurt/comfort #emotional hurt/comfort

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communistkenobi · 6 months

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i know next to nothing about queer theory, but i did exist online during (what felt like) huge exclusionary periods (ace discourse, bi/pan discourse, and transmedicalism were the big ones i remember)

i wonder if the first drive for sexuality being something unchangeable and intrinsic to you had something to do with those things, that queerness was fixed and definable, which meant that there were strict lines to be drawn about who was and wasn't gay/lesbian/bi which was only made worse by trans and nonbinary people who didn't exactly fit the previous molds

ill be doubly honest and say i only interacted w/ the community online at the time bc living in a homophobic country doesnt give you a lot of opportunities to meet up in person which means my view of the whole thing is skewed. im not sure if this makes any sense

What I’m about to say isn’t a diagnosis of the causes behind those discourses (partly because i don’t think there is a single reason animating those arguments), but like I guess in general a very baseline authority people fall back on is biology. Dominant reactionary discourses describe being gay trans etc as a lifestyle choice, as an active decision to participate in sexual and gendered degeneracy, and so a very appealing counter-claim to make is to point to biology - we are born this way, we can’t help who we are just as cishet people cannot help who they are, so you should accept us because we can’t change our identity. That rhetorical strategy requires/assumes a stable sexual and gendered ontology, a primary authority of the body that can’t be altered. While I believe this argument is fundamentally flawed, I think this is a straightforwardly easy argument to make re: sexual orientation. With trans and non-binary people this is more difficult because the foundational claim to our existence is that gender is mutable, is alterable, is subject to change (and also “I’ve felt this way since I was a child” is a pathological model of gender dysphoria that is enforced through medical and psychiatric institutions, not a reflection of lived reality for many, many trans and non-binary people). That doesn’t necessarily mean being transgender is a “choice” (although if someone said they woke up one day and chose to be transgender then that is a perfectly authentic justification), especially because “choice” in these discussions is often framed as individualised, private, detached from the social world - we are all just free agents making rational autonomous decisions in a field of equally rational choices, etc. which I think is a very impoverished way to understand choice and agency. Gender is an institution, it is a set of behaviours and performances that we choose to engage in in many different ways, and my use of the word ‘choice’ there does not imply these choices are free from coercion, violence, or harm. I chose to transition, I chose to engage in performances and behaviours that signal to the social world that I am a man - where that desire to make those choices arises from is another matter, and honestly not one I’m super interested in figuring out. Like if I discovered the ‘origin’ of my transness it wouldn’t make any difference to me. Similarly, how I choose to signal masculinity is very obviously bound up in dominant gendered assumptions. Trans people get accused of upholding gendered norms a lot, but that’s only because we aren’t taken seriously unless we do so! It is a survival mechanism that allows us to better navigate incredible amounts of violence and social exclusion, and arguing that our desire to do gender with our bodies comes from some grade-school assumption that dress = woman and pants = man or whatever is pure projection on the part of cis people. cis men think if they drink pink wine they’ll become gay - trans people are not the ones enforcing these norms here.

Getting a bit far afield here, so to loop back around - I think a stable state of sexual and gendered subjectivity or “being” is very appealing to a lot of people because it’s a way to dismiss reactionary fears and to justify to yourself that your oppression is entirely out of your control (which is true obviously!). Again I think these arguments are flawed because they buy into cisgendered and heteronormative ideas about gender and sexuality, that it is a biological burden imposed on us, that deviance is not a choice, that gender is done to us as opposed to being gendered agents, that we are similarly trapped in a sexual prison and should be accepted on those grounds, etc, but they have massive rhetorical power.

As I’ve said before I’m a pretty staunch believer in Butler’s assertion that it is social all the way down, that gender is not discoverable in the body but rather the body is the medium through which gender is done in the world. Cis people choose to do gender just as much as trans people do! The only difference is that institutional architecture is set up to facilitate and make invisible (in very misogynistic and racist ways) those gendered practices. I think the stronger counter argument to make is that cis- and het-normativities are deeply violent and miserable status quos that need to be dismantled and discarded, that true choice can only emerge vis a vis gender and sexuality once those institutions are abolished, and that choice is actually a desirable end-goal - I want people to be able to participate in gender and sexuality as free agents, as non-coercive practices that are sites of great joy and wonder and pleasure. And this world is only possible if we accept that there is no gendered or sexual ontology, that it is all smoke and mirrors, that this current system’s primary function is to reproduce the nuclear family, to maintain the hereditary nature of class and wealth and race, to provide a standardised system of labour division, to maintain a distinction between the public and private labour realms, and so on.

So again like, is this what animates discourses about who gets to be counted as lgbtq/queer/whichever label you want to use? I don’t know. Probably some of it has to do with that. Queerness is in party a pathological category that is used to describe a failure to meaningfully reproduce cishet norms and practices, it is a set of relationships you have to legal and political and medical and administrative institutions (which is especially true for trans/non binary people). I like this definition because built into it is the possibility of change - I do not want trans people to be assimilated into cishet society, I want society to become transgender, thereby making transgender an irrelevant medical and legal category of person. Much like communism aims to abolish class by universalising the proletariat, I want to abolish gender by universalising the legal and political and medical mechanisms of transition. Only then will cisgenderism be abolished.

One thing I have been thinking a lot about is something a friend said to me, which is that human rights to do not begin with a definition of human - in the same way, I think trans rights do not require a definition of transgenderism. Just universalise and de-pathologise the mechanisms through which transition is expressed. Make it easy to change your name, remove all barriers to hormones and surgery, make everyone economically secure enough that they can change their wardrobe however they please, desegregate all gendered spaces, de-gender clothing, remove gender markers from all documents, and so on and so on. Doing so would make both cisgender and transgender an irrelevant legal and political category and, again, allow choice to emerge as a meaningful mechanism of gender expression.

This isn’t a comprehensive policy platform, there are many things I’m sure I haven’t thought through and a large portion of this discussion has to contend with the colonial and white supremacist nature of the western binary gender (bringing us into discussions of decolonial efforts, socialist efforts, and so on), but this is already getting long and I feel like I’m rambling. But like fundamentally I believe in a radical political imaginary that argues that all of this is subject to change and therefore any arguments about an essential gendered or sexual being is, at the end of the day, a reactionary description of gender and sexuality

#asks #even old new york was once new amsterdam #effortpost #um. hope that makes sense lol #DO NOT START ARGUING ABOUT THIS IN THE NOTES BTW. FUCK OFF I AM NOT DOING ‘DISCOURSE’ ABOUT WHO COUNTS AS LGBTQ #I reject the premise of the question genuinely I think it is fundamentally irrelevant to our liberation

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