#not hating on it by the way I'm just confused
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alright, here it is: part 3 of the still untitled Room Fic! and boy is it long... this might be as long as parts 1 and 2 put together.
Content warnings for this part: vomit, serious discussion of food issues, internalized ableism, everyone being a little bit dumb
I am not a doctor and my meal plan for Leo is extremely lightly researched (mainly because it's hard to find information that would be helpful in Leo's situation but that isn't highly technical). in the end I went with what I like from a narrative standpoint. if someone starves as long as Leo did please get them to an actual doctor lol.
also I got tired and didn't proofread the last few sections.
just a warning that I'm going on vacation next week and will be out of the country for awhile so don't expect any more for this for quite some time. in the meantime, hope you enjoy this!
and if you're confused, start here!
-----
Leo wakes up.
The room is moving. His head is cradled in someone's lap. There's a furry hand stroking his arm, and a voice hums the notes of a lullaby he hasn't heard since he was a child.
-----
Leo wakes up.
He's lying somewhere soft and blessedly warm. There's a weight across his chest. Someone is chattering in his ear, happy and upbeat, saying something to him about Jupiter Jim on the desert planet Delta-5.
-----
Leo wakes up.
He's still somewhere soft but now it's too hot. He whines and pushes at the things on his chest. Near his ear someone tuts, and then a hand lands on his, giving it a squeeze.
"Nardo, you need to warm up. Don't-"
-----
Leo wakes up, and his eyes open.
"Leo?" comes Raph's voice. Leo blinks to clear his vision, then lets his eyes trail up, to find his big brother bending over him. "You awake for real this time?"
He isn't sure. Raph being here sure feels like a dream.
He lowers his eyes and looks around. He's not home. He doesn't recognize this place at all, actually. But the walls are beige (still unstimulating, but at least not white), the furniture is dark brown, the bed (not a cot) has a blue bedspread, the empty takeout containers on the table have a splash of red. It's not home, but it's not the room, either.
If he were going to dream, surely he'd just picture himself back home.
He blinks back up at Raph, and smiles.
"Wide awake," he says, echoing Raph from before.
Raph bursts into tears, immediately leaning down and wrapping Leo up in one of his signature hugs. For the first time in so many days (longer, longer, Leo can't remember the last time he got a Raph hug like this), Leo feels completely secure, fully enveloped in love and affection, held safe by his big brother where no one can hurt him.
The difference between this moment and the last week and a half is so stark it leaves Leo feeling dizzy. Like he hadn't even realized how scared and lonely and helpless he truly felt until all that pain was taken away. He's safe now. He's okay now. Raph is hugging him.
Leo hates crying in front of people, but even he can't be stoic for this.
"Oh Leo," says Raph softly once he realizes. "It's okay. We got'cha."
Leo sniffs, burying his face in Raph's plastron. He wishes he could hug back, but his limbs feel so heavy, like Donnie swapped them out for metal versions when he wasn't looking. So he can't hug back, but he leans in close and hopes that's enough.
They get about a minute to hug before Mikey is worming his way in between them, wriggling to push his arms past Raph's and around Leo for himself. "No fair, you got to hold him earlier!" Mikey declares, his voice thick with tears.
"You got to hug him earlier," Raph argues.
"He was asleep, it doesn't count!" Mikey hits back, and Leo laughs and shifts so Mikey can better get in the middle. Raph sighs exaggeratedly, but he gives Leo a pat and leans back to let Mikey in.
Mikey hugs even tighter than Raph, nuzzling in against Leo's shoulder. "I missed you," he says, then gives a choked sob he tries to bury.
"Missed you too," Leo promises, craning his neck so he can land a big smooch on Mikey's head. That replaces the sobs with relieved giggles that leave Leo feeling so much lighter.
After another minute, Mikey moves back and looks over at Donnie, who's been standing at the side of the bed wringing his hands. "Your turn, Donald."
Donnie makes a grumpy noise at having been perceived, but when Leo gets a look at his face he sees Donnie has tears shimmering in his eyes, too. They break free once Donnie's arms are around him, trickling onto the skin of Leo's shoulder.
"Crying over me, Don-ton?" he teases, even as his own voice is thick with emotion.
"Shut up, Nardo," Donnie snaps back, but his voice cracks at the end and he holds on even tighter.
"Alright, my turn," says April once Donnie starts to loosen his grip, and Donnie obligingly crawls off the bed, swiping at his eyes. Like he's looking for something to busy himself with, he starts throwing away the takeout containers on the table. They must be empty.
Leo tears his eyes away just as April swoops in to wrap him up in his fourth hug of the hour, giving him a kiss on his forehead as she does. "Hey, Leo. How're you feelin'?"
"Happy to see you," he says again, and she squeezes him tighter. "Kinda hot."
"That's the hypothermia talking," says Donnie. April shushes him.
"Hypothermia?" Leo asks. April pulls back so she can see his face.
"It wasn't that bad," she says quickly. "You'd started brumating, we think... Tromping around in the snow didn't help, though."
"Not to mention you used up the last of your energy portaling us out of there," Mikey chimes in. "It was really cool though!"
Leo laughs. "Thanks, little brother." Even with the containers thrown away, the smell of the takeout is thick in the room. Leo guesses they had Japanese. It can't have been that long ago. "Where are we?"
"Motel room about two hours down the road." April slides to sit next to him, keeping one arm wrapped around his shoulders. Her body heat is warm in a more pleasant way than the blankets, and he leans into it. "We wanted to go further, but we needed to get you warmed up."
"A motel...? Huh." Leo looks around again. This is his first time being in a hotel that isn't owned by Big Mama. He wonders how far it is from the Japanese place. Just, like, average delivery time. "What happened? It's... kind of a blur for me." He laughs.
They launch into the story without any more prompting. It all sounds like what Leo expected. Raph led the team. Donnie did science stuff. Mikey razzed his tazz. April used her investigative skills.
They tracked him all the way down to Colorado (that explains the snow) and broke him out. They floored it away from the EPF, got far enough they felt safe, then booked into a motel under April's name. That's where they've been since. Splinter and Draxum are out now, patrolling to make sure they weren't followed or discovered.
It's quite the story. And Leo knows he should be paying more attention than he is.
It's just, the takeout boxes. The smell coming from them is so strong, or maybe Leo is just abnormally sensitive to it. He thinks someone had steak, and someone else had fish. The fried rice had egg in it. His mouth is watering so badly he has to swallow every few seconds.
"Leo?" calls Mikey, and Leo startles, ripping his eyes from the trash can to look at Mikey's face. He's gripping the bedspread so hard his knuckles are cramping. He realizes this is not the first time Mikey said his name. Great, now they know he wasn't paying attention.
"Ah, sorry," he says quickly. "I didn't mean to zone out." He flashes them all the biggest smile he can, so they don't worry. "I was just, uh..."
He trails off, not sure of a way to say that he was completely distracted by the smell of their already eaten Japanese food without making it awkward.
"Sorry, Leo, we know you're tired," says Raph, reaching over and rubbing his head. "You can go back to sleep. We're not leaving for awhile."
Go back to sleep? Leo doubts he can, what with the hunger an empty yawning hole inside him. It had been muted while the cold and the exhaustion took over, but now that he's warmer and more rested his body is very painfully reminding him he still has another problem.
He's trying to come up with a casual way to approach the subject when his stomach does it for him, gurgling and growling loud enough that everyone hears it. Leo is very glad his blushes don't show up as easily as humans' do.
"Uh... heh heh." He scratches at his own cheek, then stops when he feels how disturbingly hollowed out it is. "Before that... are there any leftovers?"
Everyone's staring at him. Leo's too tired to puzzle out why they're all staring at him. Maybe there really aren't any leftovers? He did just watch Donnie throw everything away. Maybe there were some, but now they'd have to fish it out of the trash. Leo wants to say he'd happily eat it out of the trash, but that would be really weird and they'd stare at him even more.
(But he would eat it out of the trash. He may be too proud to say it out loud, but he can admit it to himself.)
"O-or," he says quickly, to fill the silence after his last question, "if... if it's not too much trouble, can you ask Dad and Barry to bring something with them when they come back? Even if it's just something from a gas station, or..." They're still staring, and Leo feels himself starting to ramble desperately, "Or if it's too late, I can just... I can just go back to sleep, hah, but... but can someone at least wake me up so I don't miss breakfast?"
His family stutters back to life at that. Raph gives a furious shake of his head and says, "Forget breakfast," which makes Leo's heart and stomach lurch painfully. Waiting until lunch? That feels like forever away.
But then Raph continues with, "Leo, why didn't you tell us you're hungry right now?"
Leo falters. "Uh... just... didn't want to interrupt the flow of the conversation," he says, which is true, but the way everyone is looking at him now, he's pretty sure it's the wrong answer.
"Please," says April, tone very close to exasperated, "interrupt the conversation."
"Will do," says Leo. But he's still not sure what to do, because no one has told him when food is coming.
(You want this? You beg for it.)
Before he can spin out on that thought, Mikey jumps off the bed and heads for the mini-fridge that Leo hadn't noticed until now. He yanks open the door and pulls out two takeout containers, a box and a cylindrical container.
"We weren't sure what you felt up to, so we got you steak hibachi and miso soup," Mikey says, waving each container in turn.
The thought of having to actually chew and swallow sounds exhausting, so Leo says, "Soup's fine." And then, just in case, he adds hastily, "Please."
"Okay," says Mikey, and even though he's clearly trying to sound upbeat, Leo can hear the strain in his voice. "Just give me a minute to heat it up for you!"
Leo would eat it cold. Leo would eat it frozen. But he bites that back and waits.
Mikey puts it in the microwave on top of the fridge. Every little tick down on the timer feels like it takes three eternities. The rest of his family seems to feel the tension as much as he does.
"April!" says Donnie abruptly, too loud to be natural. "You wanted to see what's on the sci-fi channel!"
"Thaaat's right!" she says, also a little too loudly. "I did. Hand me the remote."
Donnie gives her the remote. She turns on the TV just as the microwave dings.
Mikey yanks the door open as soon as it does, pulling the bowl out with no regard for how hot it is. He gives it a perfunctory blow to cool it down, then hurries over to the bed, pausing only to grab a plastic spoon off a little pile of utensils on the table.
He hands both the bowl and spoon to Leo, but Leo already knows his arms won't be able to maneuver the spoon, so he lets it fall into his lap, in favor of lifting the entire container to his lips. He hopes he doesn't look too pathetically eager as he tilts it back and takes his first sip.
It's good.
It's so good he starts crying.
It's not even the best miso soup he's ever had. In fact, it's a little too oily and nowhere near as good as the kind his dad makes, or what Mikey is capable of. But it doesn't matter. It wouldn't matter if this was the worst soup in the world, because right now it's the best thing Leo has ever tasted.
He may be crying more over this than he did over hugs from his family. Maybe he'll have it in him to feel bad for that later.
The TV is showing some old monster movie. His siblings pretend they're watching that and not watching him. He appreciates that, because it makes him feel less self-conscious as he desperately slurps down the soup, practically guzzling it, only pausing when he has to chew the greens here and there.
He eats until his stomach is full and warm. And then he keeps going. There's still soup left, and stopping feels impossible.
(Besides, no one actually promised him breakfast.)
"Hey, maybe you should slow down," says Donnie. Leo pauses, looking up at him, licking the remains of soup off his lips. The container is still about a third full.
Maybe Donnie is right. His stomach is actually starting to cramp. But... but...
He doesn't know what his face looks like right now. But something about it makes Donnie look sad.
He turns away, rubbing right between his fake eyebrows. "Okay, okay. Just... don't overdo it."
Leo sighs, grateful the soup isn't being taken away. He goes back to drinking it, feeling like the chasm inside him is finally beginning to fill.
-----
The next time Leo wakes up, it's because he has to puke. Unfortunately, he doesn't have time to communicate that before it's all over himself and the bedsheets.
"Whoa, Leo-" someone says, and then there's a flurry of activity around him. He can't keep up with who goes where and who says what. It's a lot to keep track of when he just woke up and is spewing half-digested miso soup and stomach bile.
"There we go... You're alright, Blue, you're alright," he hears once he comes back to his senses, and he blinks and looks over. His dad is standing on the bed next to him, and he leans in with a damp washcloth and wipes at Leo's face and mouth.
"Perhaps the soup was too much for your stomach," Splinter says as he finishes, tossing the washcloth into the floor. "How do you feel?"
"Mm... weird," Leo admits, leaning sleepily into his dad's shoulder. He shouldn't because he's gross, but Splinter lets him do it, stroking his cheek. "My stomach hurts..."
The loss of the food hurts; without anything in his stomach, he'll feel hungry again soon. Leo is terrified of that, of the deep empty chasm of his hunger returning, sucking him down into its depths. At the same time, the idea of eating makes him feel queasy.
He feels weird, and miserable, and scared, and he doesn't know when his dad came back, but he's so glad he's here.
"How much did you let him eat?" he hears Draxum ask. Leo finds the energy to feel offended that he's being talked about like he isn't in the room, but not enough energy to actually say anything about it.
"As much as he wanted," Mikey answers. Which, as Leo recalls, was almost all of the soup.
"And how much was that?"
"Here, look."
There's the sound of the mini-fridge being opened again. The pop of the takeout lid. Draxum hums in a way that does not sound pleased.
"Leonardo," he says, coming to stand by the bed now. "I have a very important question and I need you to answer: when was the last time you ate?"
Leo stares at him blearily. Then he raises a tired hand and indicates the mess all down his front.
"Don't get cute," says Draxum, ignoring the following grunt of warning Splinter directs his way. "You know what I'm asking you."
Of course Leo knows. But he doesn't want to answer. Not while his dad is holding him, and all his siblings are watching him expectantly. They aren't going to like what he has to tell them. He doesn't want to upset them.
But Draxum is unmoved and steely eyed. There's no way Leo is getting out of this without answering.
He sighs, shutting his eyes and leaning into Splinter so he doesn't have to be looking at the rest of them when he says it.
"Last time I ate was at Run of the Mill."
He hears a gasp, hears Mikey yell, "What!?" Feels Splinter's sharp intake of breath under his cheek, and then his dad shifts so he can hold him even closer.
"They... they didn't feed you in there at all?" asks April, like she doesn't quite believe it.
Leo nods.
"I should have leveled the whole building!" Donnie snaps, and Leo hears something get knocked to the ground.
Mikey comes closer, and puts a hand on his shoulder, drawing Leo's gaze back his way. He looks so upset, and Leo regrets looking. "Leo, why didn't you tell us? You didn't even say you were hungry!"
"Felt weird to bring it up in the middle of the happy reunion," he says. It's a weak justification, he knows. The look on Mikey's face just gets more miserable.
"Wait," Raph cuts in. "Wait, so... when Bishop said he gave you chances to cooperate for better living conditions, he meant..."
Leo swallows hard, not wanting to look at the distress on Raph's face. "Feeding me, yeah."
"What did he want out of you? What was he making you do?"
This part, at least, Leo can answer easily. "He wanted information. About the yokai and the Hidden City."
Raph sounds surprised. "He just... wanted you to answer questions?"
"Yeah." Leo nods again. "Like, how to get in, how many portals there are, what kind of defense capabilities there are, stuff about Draxum... That's what I remember."
"Why didn't you just tell them?"
Now Leo does look at Raph's face. He's staring at Leo with open horror and distress. But Leo doesn't understand the question, or the look. He did what he was supposed to, didn't he? He held out and didn't give Bishop any information. He did the right thing. So Raph has no reason to look so upset.
He smiles in a way he hopes is reassuring. "Hey, that's not what a hero would do, right?"
It's apparently not reassuring. If anything, Raph only looks more horrified.
He turns away from Leo abruptly and marches straight out of the room, slamming the door on the way out.
Leo doesn't understand that reaction. He did what he was supposed to, but Raph is mad at him, anyway. The rest of his family seems shocked, too, so at least Leo isn't alone.
"I'll talk to him," says April, the first to move. She leaves with much less noise, disappearing into the dark parking lot beyond the door.
Awkward silence envelops the room after that. Leo doesn't know what to do or say to break it. He made Raph mad, because he never does anything right, according to Raph. It's the same as always, but for some reason Leo feels even worse this time.
"...Well," says Draxum, cutting through the awkwardness when it becomes clear no one else wants to, "knowing this, we will have to be much more careful about what and how much you eat. I'll make a meal plan."
"Why you?" Leo grouses. "Let Donnie do it."
Donnie opens his mouth like he wants to agree, but Draxum cuts him off before he can.
"Me, because I have actual experience designing nutritious meal plans for children." Leo thinks of what he's heard about Draxum's lunchroom and makes a face, which Draxum ignores. "Besides, I can't trust any of the rest of you to actually tell Leo he can't have more to eat."
"I can handle myself," Leo argues.
"Clearly," says Draxum icily, indicating the mess still in Leo's lap, "you cannot."
Leo doesn't have a good response for that, and no one steps up to his defense. Back not even twenty four hours, and he already has multiple people mad at him. That has to be a new record.
"...Whatever," he says, because he doesn't know what else to say. Draxum nods like he actually gave approval.
There's another round of awkward silence. Splinter breaks it this time.
"Why doesn't someone call housekeeping to ask for some fresh sheets," he says, "while I help Blue take a bath."
"Ugh, yes, I'm calling them now," says Donnie. Leo notes for the first time that his most persnickety brother is as far from his bed as possible, having put the second bed and the table between them. "The whole room is starting to smell."
Leo cringes. "Sorry..."
"There is nothing for you to apologize for," his dad reassures him, patting his head. Leo isn't sure he'd say that, but he doesn't waste breath arguing. "Now, come with me."
It takes some maneuvering, but they get him out of bed without making a bigger mess. Mikey starts stripping the sheets, and he can hear Donnie on the phone with the staff across the room.
Leo's still not wearing any of his gear. It shouldn't matter because he's just in a room with his family, but he still walks to the bathroom as quickly as he can.
Splinter shuts the door once they're inside, then fills a little plastic cup with water. This he hands off to Leo, saying, "Drink this, and I will run you a nice warm bath."
Leo does as he says, and tries not to think too much about how Raph is mad at him.
-----
There's an old concrete barrier that stands between the motel parking lot and an open field. Raph hefts a piece of the crumbling concrete and chucks it as hard as he can, watching as it disappears into the tall grass beyond.
They starved him. They starved his little brother for over a week, because he wouldn't answer some questions. And he wouldn't answer those questions because...
That's not what a hero would do.
Raph's ninpo flares to life. Punching out another piece of the barrier is easy; he lifts the broken pieces and throws them after the first, watching them sail through the air.
"You better hope there aren't any security cameras out here," says a voice behind him, and he looks over his shoulder.
April is there, standing a few feet back, hands tucked in the pockets of her jacket. Raph's ninpo stutters out at the sight of her; he wonders if he looked scary.
"...What are they gonna do even if there are?" he asks. But he does stop his wanton destruction.
"I don't know, but just remember it's my credit card on file for damages." Her voice is teasing, though, and he knows she isn't actually mad. She comes over, turning so she can lean against part of the barrier that's still intact. "Come on, Big Red. Talk to me."
Raph doesn't turn around. He can't stand to look back at the motel, at the room where his brother is, tiny and weak and with a stomach that's been empty for days on end. He can't handle it right now. So he keeps his eyes on the field.
"Leo let those guys hurt him," he says.
"No he didn't," says April. "He can't help what they did to him."
"If he'd just answered their questions, they would have fed him."
"We can't know that." April shakes her head. "You heard what Draxum said about those guys. You saw what they were like. Maybe if Leo had answered their questions, they would have just killed him. Leo was probably thinking that, too."
"But that's not what he said," Raph points out.
"...Look." April takes a deep breath. "Leo... just went through a lot. We don't know what he was thinking while he was in there, or what he's thinking now. And you know that boy likes to say flashy things. Don't take anything he says right now too seriously."
"But what if this is the most truthful he's gonna be? What if he just hasn't thought of a good lie yet?"
"Raph-"
"No, you don't get it, April." Raph holds his head in his hands, like he can physically hold the dark thoughts at bay, but he can't, and they keep coming: horrific images of what could have happened, if they'd been too late, if the EPF had been less patient. "I told him to stop thinking of himself! Right before he disappeared, I told him he needed to be a hero! But Raph didn't mean like this!"
"Hey now, you don't know-" April tries, but Raph cuts her off.
"I just wanted him to stop doing everything himself! All the showboating, all the running in without talkin' to us... Raph just wanted him to remember that we're a team!" He lets go of his head and grips the concrete instead, so hard it cracks and crumbles under his fingers. "What if he took that to mean he should risk his life for everyone else? That he had to sacrifice himself?"
"Oookay, slow down there, big guy," says April, turning around and putting a hand on his arm. "You're taking one thing he said and blowing it way out of proportion."
"But what if I'm right?" Raph shakes his head. "How do I live with that, if I am? Knowing I almost killed him?"
"Okay, you look at me right now," she demands, in a way Raph can't refuse. He turns, and she reaches up and grabs his face by the cheeks, yanking him down until he bends to her eye level.
"You did not almost kill him. That was those EPF guys." Her voice is stern, and her grip on his face prevents him from objecting. "And even if you are right, and it's what you said to Leo that kept him from answering... well, then that's something the two of you will have to work out together."
She lets him go, putting her hands on her hips. "But what's done is done. Right now, Leo is exhausted and starved, and he's not really in a state for big emotional talks. So let's just get some space and get your head on straight. Once we get him home and everything's calmed down, the two of you can hash this out."
Raph lets out a strangled laugh, slumping down against the crumbling barrier. "Yeah, because that's so easy."
"I'm not saying it's easy." She sits down next to him, putting her hand on his arm. "But you guys love each other, so you'll do the hard things you have to do. I know you got this." She gives him a wink. "You're Raph."
Raph isn't sure he has that much faith in himself. But April isn't wrong very often, so he thinks he should probably listen to her.
-----
The water feels nice on Leo's skin, pleasantly warm and soothing. He sinks down until all but his eyes are in the water, letting it swirl around him.
He still feels a little exposed, but it's only Splinter in here, and that helps. It's like he's a little kid again, getting a bath from his dad, but he has to scrunch to cram his legs in the tub and that ruins the illusion.
"My Baby Blue always did enjoy a nice bath," says Splinter fondly, rustling up hotel soap for them to use.
He wets a washcloth and lathers it up, then cleans off the top of Leo's head and back of his neck, then down to his shoulders and the ridge of his shell. Leo would normally protest this kind of treatment, but right now he's not sure he can lift his arms above his head, so he doesn't.
Besides, it feels nice.
"Float on your front," Splinter says, adding, "Deep breath." It's what he always said when they were kids and he wanted to wash their shells. Everyone but Mikey can hold their breath for a long time, but he always says it anyway.
Leo takes a deep breath and flips onto his front, closing his eyes as his dad washes the back of his shell. It's so soothing he could almost take a nap here. The world is nicely muted under the water.
Splinter gives his shell three pats with his hand, the signal to sit back up. Leo does, rolling onto his back to rinse off. Splinter hands him the washcloth and soap, and he cleans his lower half, taking care around the bottom ridges of his shell.
"Thanks for the bath, Daddio," he says as he finishes. "I know I was starting to get pretty ripe." He pulls up the drain plug with a pop, watching the dirty water spin away.
He tries to imagine he's watching the last of that place drain away with it.
Splinter retrieves a fluffy white towel, drying off the top of Leo's head before handing it off. "I wasn't thinking of that," he says. "But I know a good bath always made you feel better when you were sick."
It was never really about the bath, but the undivided dad attention. How Splinter would wash his shell and pat his head and dry him off, just like he's doing now.
It occurs to Leo that he almost lost this forever, and its like his breath is taken away. He buries his face in the towel and tries to ride through it - he doesn't want to cry again.
Splinter must pick up on it, because suddenly he's sitting on the side of the tub, rubbing the top of Leo's shell. "It's okay, Blue. You're safe."
He's safe.
He really is safe, isn't he?
He lowers the towel and turns into his dad instead, wriggling his head into his lap. Splinter welcomes him, patting his head with one hand and the top of his shell with another. Leo's breath hitches and the tears break free.
"I know," says Splinter, and his voice is thick with emotion. Leo knows he can't look or he'll start sobbing. "I... was very scared for you, my son. I am so glad you're here, Leonardo. I love you very much."
"L-love you too," he warbles. His tears are falling fast, now, and Splinter takes the towel and dries them away every now and then.
By the time Leo sits up and rubs at his eyes, the towel is totally soaked through from being in the tub. Splinter moves away to grab him a fresh one, which Leo wraps himself up in.
"Leonardo," says Splinter hesitantly once he is out of the tub, "I know you may not want to talk about it right now. But I need to ask you this."
Leo wonders where this is going. He sits down on the toilet lid, looking at his dad. "Uh, okay."
Splinter looks him up and down before asking, "Did those men... hit you? Or touch you in any way?"
Oh. Leo shakes his head. "No. They didn't... I mean, they just put me in that room. They weren't, like... torturing me or anything."
He thought that would reassure his dad, but if anything Splinter only looks more sad.
"Not feeding you is torturing you," he says.
"Oh, well, yeah, I guess." Leo rubs the back of his head. "But I mean, they weren't... you know. Shocking me or whipping me or... putting me in that medieval stretchy thing from the movies."
"I see." His dad sighs, but nods. "Very well. I'm glad, at least, that you do not have any injuries."
Leo nods back. "Yeah, no, I'm all good." He tries to smile, but his smiles aren't really having the effect they usually do.
"Are you ready to go back?" asks Splinter, moving to the door. Leo nods again, standing up. "Are you still cold?"
Leo blinks in surprise, then realizes Splinter is referring to the towel he still has wrapped around himself. He's not really that cold anymore, but he grabs onto the convenient excuse, anyway.
"Uh, yeah." He grins sheepishly. "Actually, did you guys bring any of my clothes? I'm a little worried about the ride home."
"Ah." Splinter taps his chin. "I don't think we brought any of your things. Your brothers brought their hoodies, I believe, in case they needed to go in a store..." He reaches up and pats Leo's hand. "There is a gift shop in the motel lobby. I will send Purple and Orange in the morning - I'm sure they'd enjoy doing some shopping!"
"Thanks. I just need a sweatshirt or something. Maybe some pajama pants." He shrugs. "Gotta stay toasty, right?"
"That's right. No more turtle-cicles." Splinter reaches up and turns the doorknob, gesturing for Leo to lead the way.
Leo shuffles for the bed, keeping the towel tight around himself as he goes. He doesn't drop it until he's under the sheets again, safely tucked away.
Raph isn't back yet. The realization turns Leo's stomach. But Mikey barrels into bed next to him, cuddling up against one side, while Donnie scoots in on the other, tapping away at his phone, and Leo tries to forget about it.
He's sure that, as soon as he's better, Raph will be back to yell at him.
-----
Leo doesn't realize Draxum left until he comes back. He did doze off for a bit there, though, so it's not surprising.
Mikey was snoozing against Leo's arm, too, but when the door clicks shut he raises his head, blinking sleep out of his eyes. Donnie looks up from his phone. Splinter's asleep in the other bed, only grumbling incoherently at the noise before rolling over.
(Raph and April still haven't come back. It makes Leo's heart thud a little harder.)
"Hey Barry," says Mikey, voice still a little sleepy. He pushes himself up to sit against the pillows. "Find what you were looking for?"
"Yes." Draxum walks over to the bed, pulling a bottle out of a pharmacy bag. He twists the cap loose, then holds it out and says, "Leonardo, drink this."
Leo can't help the way his face screws up as he takes it, eyeing the label on the bottle. "Eugh. What is this?"
"Vegetable juice," Draxum informs him dryly.
"Gross." Leo does not bring the bottle any closer to his lips. "Can I have soda instead?"
"Absolutely not." Draxum's voice is stern. "No sugar or caffeine until I say otherwise."
The next several days are looking worse and worse. Leo grimaces. "Can I just drink water, then?"
"You can and should drink water. But you also need to steadily reintroduce your body to nutrients. The vegetable juice will help, until your stomach can handle more solid food at a time."
Leo groans, eyeing the bottle warily. Anything labeled "juice" should not be this color of red-orange.
"Draxum's just trying to help, Leo!" Mikey chimes in. "Besides, vegetable juice isn't that bad."
It's not the most reassuring endorsement, given that Mikey loves vegetables in a way Leo has never understood. But with his little brother cheering him on, he can't back down.
"Fine. Down the hatch," he mutters, then takes a swig. It tastes just as off-putting as he was imagining, and he shudders and smacks his lips. "Yuck."
"Sorry, Leo." Mikey pats his arm comfortingly. "As soon as Barry says it's okay, we'll get pizza!"
"Please don't remind me of pizza right now..."
"Here." Leo looks up to find Draxum is holding out a handful of crackers. "Eat these, too. Be sure you chew them thoroughly before you swallow. And keep drinking the juice."
Leo takes the crackers in his free hand, putting them in his lap on top of the sheets. There's only six, and they look boring even for crackers. but his stomach perks up with interest, reminding Leo that everything he put in it before got thrown up.
Leo thought he was going to be waiting until breakfast to eat again. The crackers ease that tension, relief he hadn't consciously realized he needed.
Still, can't let Draxum think Leo actually appreciates all his bullying, so Leo still makes a face as he holds up one of the crackers and examines it.
"And these are...?"
"Are you going to react like this to everything?" asks Draxum with a scoff. "They're whole wheat crackers. They'll settle your stomach, and you need food in you so can take these vitamins."
He pulls a bottle out of his bag and shakes it, filling the room with the sound of pills rattling around. Leo scrunches up his snout.
"You didn't get me the chewable kind? Or those fruit gummy ones?"
"Are you such a child you need your medicine in the form of candy?" Draxum rolls his eyes. "You will be just fine with the pills."
"Okay, okay!" Leo groans theatrically, leaning his head back. "I can't believe you guys are letting him take care of him. He'll be feeding me bugs and leaves next."
"Stop whining. No one wants to hear it this late."
"I actually like these crackers," says Donnie. "They're delightfully bland."
This statement is followed by a crunch.
The sound sends a shiver up Leo's shell, and he turns his head in time to see Donnie, one of Leo's crackers in his hand, a big bite taken out of it. He chews and swallows with a slight smile on his face, clearly unconcerned that he just took one of Leo's crackers.
Leo only had six crackers to start. Now there's five. He doesn't know when he gets any more. No one promised him breakfast. And now he only has five crackers, and not six. And he can feel the hunger coming back.
Donnie turns his head and they lock eyes. Leo has no idea what his own expression looks like, but Donnie's turns startled and then almost frightened. He's so shocked he drops the rest of the cracker into his own lap.
Leo just barely stops himself from snatching it back.
Because that would be weird. What he's doing right now is weird. Everyone is staring at him, the room has gone silent, he's acting like Donnie just committed an unforgivable sin when all he did was take a cracker, like the two of them haven't been casually taking each other's food their entire lives.
He's being weird. He needs to stop. He needs to go back to normal right now.
Five crackers can be enough. It's enough it's enough it's-
Leo forces his brain to restart, his face and posture to relax, his fingers to unclench. He schools his mouth into an unserious grin, glancing back at Draxum. "H-hey, so... how many crackers do I need to eat? Since Thief-atello just stole one."
"I'm sorry," Donnie blurts out, an extremely rare apology. "I wasn't thinking."
Leo waves a hand. "It's cool, man," he says.
"No," Donnie insists. "I shouldn't have done that, I don't know why I did that-"
Great, first he pisses off Raph and now Donnie's freaked out. Leo's family came all the way to Colorado to save him and all he's done since then is upset them.
"Dee," says Leo, and he knocks one shoulder against Donnie's. "Seriously. It's fine."
Because it is. They take food from each other all the time. Leo's the one who made it weird, not Donnie, even if he did take one of Leo's crackers.
Donnie looks at him, uncertain. He still hasn't touched the remaining cracker in his lap. Leo wishes he would finish eating it now, so it isn't tempting him.
"...Still. I won't do it again," says Donnie finally, looking down at his lap and wringing his hands. He looks miserable, and Leo hates that he caused this.
Before he can do or say anything more, Draxum gets Leo's attention by holding out a new cracker. "Here," he says, waiting until Leo takes it, before handing a few to the still shell-shocked Donnie. "Both of you can have crackers. Now don't squabble, you'll disturb the neighbors."
Donnie puts the crackers in his lap and doesn't touch them again. The air in the room is stifling. And Leo wants to eat his own crackers, but now it feels awkward.
"I think you should steal one of his to get him back," says Mikey in an exaggerated whisper, a gallant attempt to dispel the tension. It doesn't quite work, but it breaks the silence enough for Leo to force out a chuckle and pick up a cracker.
"Everyone eat what you've been given and settle down," says Draxum, going to sit on the other bed. Splinter mumbles in his sleep again and rolls over. Everyone relaxes a little more.
Leo bites into the cracker. It tastes like all of nothing, but it has a pleasant crunch between his teeth, and he finds that he likes it.
Next to him, Donnie hesitantly finishes off his own half-finished cracker. Then he half-heartedly eats the others. Leo drinks his vegetable juice, then swallows the pill Draxum gives him.
Mikey does his best to fill the room with happy chatter, and the mood lightens, little by little.
Everything's okay. He just can't do that again.
-----
Everyone but Draxum is asleep when Raph and April come back into the room, just a little before dawn. Splinter is splayed out across the bed closest to the door, while all three of his little brothers are curled around each other in the bed by the bathroom.
Raph and April spent a long time sitting by the barrier, talking intermittently between long spells of silence. Then they moved to the tank, taking a nap together on the bench seats.
April has her travel pillow and blanket now, and she takes both and spreads out at the foot of his brothers’ bed, wisely putting her head by Donnie, who sleeps still as the dead, and not Mikey, who has already moved several times since they walked in. She yawns and then conks out almost immediately, glasses held loosely in her hand against her chest.
Raph wishes he didn’t feel quite so wide awake.
Draxum is sitting in one of the chairs by the table, phone in hand. He has a notebook open and scribbles into it with a pen. Raph comes over and takes a peek: it’s all notes about nutrition, the vitamins that are most critically needed after a long term starvation event.
Draxum’s helping Leo. That makes Raph feel better, and he sinks into the other chair, leaning his head back.
“You should try to get some sleep,” says Draxum, voice low. “We’ll be leaving in a few hours.”
“Raph’s good,” he says, staying where he is.
He feels Draxum’s eyes on him, for a moment. “I’m taking watch. Go to sleep, Raphael.”
Raph hesitates, then gets up from the chair and goes to lay down next to his dad. Splinter grumbles in his sleep, but rolls over like he knows to make room for a son crawling into his bed.
From here Raph can see Leo’s face. It’s gaunt and washed out, and even with all the sleeping he’s done there are still dark circles under his eyes. He looks so fragile, and the anger burns in his chest again, that anyone could hurt him like this.
He’s safe now, though. Mikey has an arm curled around his plastron, and Donnie flanks his other side like a guard. He’s able to rest, and eat, and get better.
Raph remembers what April said. Give Leo time to heal, then talk about what happened in there. He can do that. He can be patient.
He hadn’t thought he would be able to sleep, but lying still, with his sleeping family all around him, safe and sound, puts him under in minutes.
-----
"Morning, Leo!"
Leo blinks awake, taking in his surroundings. The walls are beige, the bed is blue, there's a TV playing the morning news on low volume, there's sunlight shining through the window.
He can smell food.
"It's breakfast time!" says Mikey. He's standing next to the bed, holding a tray. Leo wriggles until he's sitting up against the pillows, grinning as he pats his lap.
"Thanks, Mikey."
"You're welcome!" Mikey gives Leo a thousand watt smile as he sets the tray down.
Leo wishes he could feel as enthusiastic as his little brother as he gets a look at his breakfast. There's a large cup of white yogurt, and a little plate of scrambled eggs that don't even look like they have pepper on them. He's glad he has food, he just wishes it was something more exciting.
He lifts his eyes and takes a look around the room. Donnie is in one of the chairs by the table, tapping away on his phone. April is in the other chair, and she smiles and gives him a little wave when he meets her eyes. His dad is in the other bed, munching on what looks like a muffin and watching the news. He doesn't see Raph, but he hears the shower running.
Draxum is standing by the doorway, watching Leo. When their gazes meet, he sighs, rubbing the furrow on his forehead.
"Are you going to ask me what you're eating again?"
"Yes!" Leo points at the cup of yogurt. "What is this!? It's not even fruit flavored!"
"It's Greek yogurt. You can have fruit when your stomach is more settled."
"Ugh..." Leo sighs, grabbing the plastic spoon off his tray and scooping up a tiny bite of yogurt. It's not terrible, but without any fruit it's not very exciting.
"Hey, look at the bright side," says Mikey, holding out a plastic cup. "You get apple juice this morning! Since it had no sugar added, Draxum said it's okay!"
Leo musters up a smile. "Well, it's better than vegetable juice..."
"Don't get too excited," says Draxum dryly. "You'll be drinking more on the drive home."
"You're such a buzzkill, Drax," Leo huffs, taking a bite of his eggs now. They're unseasoned, but they're something. And there's the part of him that is just happy to have any food, simmering under the surface and demanding he eat faster. To keep himself from cramming the whole of the plate in his mouth at once, he turns to Mikey. "Hey, sneak me a muffin. Blueberry or chocolate chip."
Mikey grimaces. "I don't think Barry wants me to do that..."
Leo pouts, chewing his eggs slowly. "Who are you going to listen to, him or me?"
"He'll listen to me," says Draxum sternly. "If you're still hungry after that, you can have some more crackers."
Leo sighs, but part of him feels better knowing the crackers are still on the table. He crams more eggs in his mouth and chews as sulkily as possible.
There's an Old Navy ad playing on TV. Splinter sits up straighter in bed when he sees it, getting muffin crumbs everywhere. "Ah, that reminds me! Blue wanted some warm clothes to wear on the ride home." Splinter reaches out and pats Mikey on the arm. "Orange, Purple - why don't the two of you go to the gift shop and do some shopping? You can get a souvenir for yourselves as well."
"Oooh, yes!" Mikey bounces excitedly in place. "Dibs on picking out Leo's clothes!"
"Gasp!" Donnie stands up, pointing at him dramatically. "You know I'm the fashionable one in this family! Leo, tell him you want me to pick out your clothes for our return trip!"
"Mmm, I dunno..." Leo grins up at his little brother, giving him a wink. "I think Angelo's got this."
Donnie makes a noise of utter betrayal while Mikey cheers and stoops to give Leo a hug. "I won't let you down, Leon!" he promises, giving Leo a big smooch on the top of his head.
"I know you won't."
"Fine then! I'll just have to make you all jealous with my own selections." Donnie looks down. "April, do you want to join us?"
"Yeah, sure." April stands up, stretching her arms above her head. "Maybe I'll get a keychain or something."
The three of them file out of the room, Donnie and Mikey still arguing animatedly. Draxum takes one of the abandoned chairs, and Splinter goes back to watching the news.
Leo continues eating his bland breakfast, and tries not to spend too much time wondering when his next meal will be. At least he's been promised crackers.
-----
Raph comes out of the bathroom about ten minutes later, just as Leo's finishing up his breakfast with a few crackers. He nearly jumps when their eyes meet.
"Oh, hey, Leo," he says, voice a forced cheerful. "You're awake! That's great!"
"Yeah," says Leo back, trying not to sound too awkward and failing. He holds up his empty cup. "Just finished breakfast."
"O-oh, yeah. Was it... good?"
Leo grimaces. "Not really."
"Oh." Raph hovers in the doorway, practically vibrating with nervous energy. Leo wonders if he should apologize, but he still doesn't know what he's apologizing for, so he doesn't.
He'd know if Raph would just go ahead and yell at him, but Raph doesn't seem eager to start. Maybe he doesn't think Leo is healed up enough yet, or maybe he doesn't want to do it in front of Splinter. Either way, no yelling seems forthcoming.
Instead, Raph says, "Uh, where's everyone else?"
"Shopping for clothes for Blue and for souvenirs for themselves," Splinter answers.
"Oh, cool. Maybe... maybe I'll go join 'em!"
Raph pats Leo on the head as he goes by, then leaves the room like it's on fire. Leo is silent; he has no idea what to say or do.
He's out of food now, too. He's already asked Draxum for crackers once, and he's not sure if asking again will actually gain him anything. And with Mikey gone, he feels too anxious to try.
He settles back on his pillows and turns his eyes to the TV, lifting the plastic spoon in his hands. He slots the handle between his teeth and chews, relaxing at the feel of it. It's sturdier than the water bottles, so he can't flatten it down as easily, but the way he can munch on it endlessly has its own appeal.
The news drones on. His dad laughs at something the anchors say. Draxum scribbles away at a notebook. And Leo leans back on his pillows and chews on the spoon.
On the ticker at the bottom of the screen, he notices the tail end of a news item about a training accident at a military facility in Colorado Springs - one injured.
-----
The outfit Mikey has picked out is a sky blue hoodie with "PIKE'S PEAK" in big block letters and darker blue plaid sweatpants. They meet Leo's standards for softness and comfiness, if not quite his standards for style. It's fine, because he's after the former right now.
"Did I do good?" Mikey asks, bouncing on his toes.
"You did great," Leo responds, motioning him closer so he can rub his head affectionately. It lacks his usual punch, but Mikey laughs and wiggles away anyway.
"We also got," Mikey rummages around in the gift store bag, then pulls out, "matching fuzzy socks!"
The socks are in their signature colors and have snowboarders on them, and each set has a terrible pun like, "SNOW RULES!" and "COOLER THAN COOL!" Leo loves them immediately.
"I think this is the best gift you've ever gotten me," says Leo sincerely. Mikey beams and comes in for a hug that Leo gladly returns.
"Here, put 'em on!" says Mikey after he backs away, nodding at the hoodie and pants on the bed. "You don't want to be cold, right?"
"Right," says Leo, lifting the hoodie in his arms. A quick glance around the room shows that they're all looking at him now - Mikey, Donnie, and April by the bed, Splinter from the other bed, Draxum at the table, Raph hovering in the doorway. Waiting for him to put the clothes on.
He wishes they wouldn't.
It's weird. He's never felt self-conscious like this. He and his brothers have never really practiced modesty the way humans do, especially around each other. And yet the idea of standing in front of them now with no clothes, not even his mask, makes him feel strangely queasy.
He tries to tell himself it's because of how he looks now. Stick thin arms and legs, weird, unhealthy skin tone, dark circles under his eyes that a few hours of unconsciousness and one night of intermittent sleep have definitely not erased. That it's just his normal vanity.
But he can still feel it: that guard's eyes on him, any time he left the safety of his hiding spot under his cot.
He pulls the hoodie on over his head while he's still in bed. Then he crawls out of bed and pulls the pants on as fast as he can.
He looks around to see if anyone noticed, but their expressions haven't changed. Mikey gives him a thumbs up.
He relaxes. With the clothes on, the feeling of being exposed finally ebbs away. And it is warmer like this, which is a plus.
It's okay. In a day or two, he'll be over this weird self-consciousness and back to normal, and no one has to know about it.
"Well, how do I look?" he asks, grinning and turning in a circle. Mikey and April clap indulgently for him.
"Lookin' good, Leo," says April, and he gives her a wink.
"Well, even though you chose to forego my aesthetic sensibilities, I got you something, too," says Donnie, pushing his way forward. He holds out a pair of flipflops, which say "We're in" and "CO" on the toes and have cartoon giraffes on the heels. Leo can't help but grin when he sees them. "Trust me, you'll want these if we have to go into any gas station restrooms. Shudder."
Leo laughs, then reaches out an arm to pull Donnie into a hug before he can escape. To his surprise, Donnie doesn't even put up a token fight against it, hugging him back more fiercely than usual.
"Thanks, I love them," he says into Donnie's ear.
"Of course you do," says Donnie smugly, but his eyes are suspiciously shiny when he breaks the hug. Nothing feels awkward between them now, even given the cracker incident earlier, and Leo is glad.
“Okay!” says April, clapping her hands. “Checkout’s in thirty minutes - if you have anything else to do, do it now.”
“Wait,” says Leo, looking around. “Where’s my mask?” It’d be nice for hiding the dark circles.
“Oh, I think Raph grabbed it,” says April, but when she turns, Raph is gone. April presses her fingers to her forehead and sighs. “Okay, you can get it later.”
Leo’s mouth suddenly feels dry. He reaches around and grabs a bottle of vegetable juice Draxum gave him, draining the last of it.
“Checkout in twenty eight minutes,” says Donnie to cut the awkwardness. “Let’s go, people!”
Leo sits on the bed and watches his family prepare to leave, gnawing on the top of his juice bottle.
-----
“Wake up, sleepyhead,” calls a voice, and Leo blinks awake to see April standing over his cot. No, not the cot - this is the bench seat in the tank. If he’s going to be sleeping so much, he needs to stop waking up confused.
And he has been sleeping a lot. The only time they woke him up was to eat another snack of crackers with a little bit of mushed up banana, like he’s some kind of baby.
The banana did help break up the monotony, though.
Leo can’t help but hope he’s being woken up for food again.
Like she read his mind, April grins and holds out a hand to help him up. “Lunch time!” she announces.
“Oh boy,” says Leo, taking the hand and slowly getting to his feet. He’s stiff from lying in the tank for so long, and he stretches and pops his arms. “More flavorless mush.”
“Maybe we can convince Drax to give you a little salt this time,” says April with a snicker. She waits for him to slip the flipflops on, then leads him out of the tank.
It occurs to him that this is the first time he’s really been out in the sun in over a week, excluding times he’s been unconscious and the short walk from the motel room to the tank. He takes a minute to just lean his face back and feel the warmth of it on his skin. It hasn’t even been that long, and he’s used to life underground, but somehow it feels different this time, foreign and new and sweet.
When he looks back at April, she’s tearing up again. She quickly wipes at the bottoms of her eyes and pulls on a smile, linking her arm around his.
“Come on. We can grab a picnic table and sit outside.”
It's then that Leo actually takes in where they are: a big travel center, or that's what the sign on the building declare. The tank is parked at the gas pumps, and Donnie, with his hood up, is excitedly talking about it to some interested truckers who have come over. He spots Mikey over at the grassy space for dog walking, laughing while a puppy licks his face, a seemingly annoyed Draxum standing off to the side with his arms folded. He doesn't see Raph or Splinter, but April fills him in as they cross the parking lot.
"Raph and Splints are inside ordering food. They have a whole diner in there!"
"Let me guess: I'm eating soup."
"I think it's potato."
"Well, at least it's not more tomato." Leo makes a face. "If I have to drink any more vegetable juice I'm going to turn red and swell up into a ball."
"You know what pizza sauce is made out of, right?" she asks, playfully bumping into him.
"Actually, I don't," he says smoothly, bumping into her back. They fake tussle outside the door for a moment, until both of them are laughing.
Someone trying to get past clears their throat loudly, and April and Leo shoot them an apologetic look before going on inside. Leo visits the restroom and tries not to look too long at the arrays of snacks on offer. April goes to help Raph and his dad with the food.
They all end up back outside at a large picnic table. His family has a mix of foods: burgers, hot dogs, salads, chicken strips. He knows there was pizza inside, and it touches him that no one picked it.
Next to everyone else's large, full plates, his own bowl of soup feels ridiculously small and sad. But he doubts any amount of pouting will convince Draxum to let him have a burger, so he digs in. At least this has some flavor.
Lunch is nice, even if Raph is still acting weird and distant. It’s just good being in the sun and the fresh air. Leo is reluctant to leave as they finish up.
“Come with me!” says Mikey as the others go to throw their trash away and buy anything they need for the return trip. He holds out his hand, and Leo takes it and follows Mikey back toward the grassy area at the edge of the parking lot. They make sure there are no dog droppings, then lay down in the grass, looking up at the blue sky and the clouds going overhead.
“I thought it’d be nice to get a little more sun before we have to get back in the tank,” says Mikey, limbs splayed out in every direction. He’s taken off his hoodie - no one at the travel center has paid much attention to the peeks of green skin they’ve been showing off, and no one is nearby right now, anyway.
It is a little hot. But the idea of being shirtless where a stranger can see him keeps Leo fully swaddled.
He pushes that thought aside, closing his eyes and just trying to enjoy the feeling of the sun on his skin, the breeze blowing by, the grass under his fingers. He doesn’t get to touch a lot of grass in the city, but it reminds him of times they would sneak out to Central Park.
“This is really nice, Angelo,” he says. “Thanks.”
“Mmhmmm.”
They’re quiet for a few minutes, just laying there, with only the ambient sounds of the travel center keeping them company. Leo starts to feel like he might doze off again.
“…Hey Leo?”
Leo blinks his eyes open, craning his neck to see Mikey. “Yeah?”
“Are you… okay?”
Ah. Maybe he should have expected this.
“Of course I’m okay,” he says, voice nonchalant. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Uh, well…” Mikey hesitantly trails off, clearly trying to decide what he wants to say.
Leo takes care of it for him. “It’s over, Mikey. You guys saved me. I’m okay.” He turns his head and grins. “And once Draxum stops being the food police, everything will be back to normal.”
“Mmm…” Mikey doesn’t sound as convinced as he should. Man, Leo’s smiles are really failing him lately. “But… if something’s bothering you… You’ll tell us, right?”
Leo pats his head. “Of course I will.”
If it’s worth bringing up to them, anyway.
Mikey’s eyes rove his face for a moment, but in the end he must be satisfied, because he smiles and rolls to toss his arm over Leo’s chest. “Okay. But I’ll hold you to that.”
“Or what, I’ll get a visit from the doctor?”
“You know it!”
Leo laughs, which gets Mikey laughing. They stay there until Raph calls their names across the parking lot, and they go back to the tank.
-----
He manages to stay awake after they stop for lunch, curled up on the bench seat. He doesn’t have the energy to talk as much as normal, but he leans against Donnie and contributes where he can. He’s just happy to be back with them, hearing and seeing them all around him.
But there’s something always at the back of his mind keeping him from fully relaxing: he doesn’t know when he gets to eat next. And he knows it will be okay - he’s with his family, and they’d never let him go hungry. He knows that, but about two and a half hours after lunch, he keeps finding himself returning to the same thought.
He’s drinking on a sugar-free Gatorade they got him at the travel center; one of the only non-vegetable or fruit drinks Draxum approved. Mikey has just finished up a story from one of the many art vlogs he watches, and, in the lag of conversation, he tries to broach the subject casually.
“Sooo… what’s our plan for the rest of the drive? Are we stopping, or…?”
“We’re going to try to make it all the way back to New York,” says April. “We already have our shifts picked out, and the autopilot is helping.”
“We can stop in a few more hours for another bathroom break,” says Donnie, pulling up a holoscreen showing their route and the drive time remaining. “Unless someone needs us to stop sooner.” He glances at Leo, and the way he’s bouncing the rim of the bottle off his teeth.
“Oh, uh, I’m good,” he says quickly, lowering the bottle. "I'm just wondering, uh... what about stopping for dinner?"
His family does about as good a job being subtle about looking at each other as he's being subtle about his worry. "We were thinking we'd probably try to find something around seven," says Donnie.
Seven. It's a little after three now. Okay. He can wait that long. What's four hours? And at least he knows what to expect now.
His family hesitantly return to their conversation. And Leo does his best to pay attention. April is telling them about all the stuff she's been doing to prepare for college in the fall, how she's already chatting with people running the student paper. She's excited about it, and Leo is excited for her.
"Ew, Leo," says Donnie suddenly, tearing him out of his thoughts. "Why are you doing that?"
Leo looks over at him in confusion. He starts to ask, Doing what?, but when he opens his mouth to speak, something falls out of his teeth and into his lap.
It's the Gatorade bottle cap, chewed down flat. Leo can see the marks from where his molars snapped through the lip, and the dents where he's been gnawing at it with his incisors.
He didn't even know he was doing that.
Everyone saw him doing that.
Embarrassment flushes through him, and he scrambles to grab the lid and toss it into their communal trash sack. Maybe no one noticed how thoroughly he had chewed on it.
"Gross," says Donnie, his nose scrunched up. So at the very least he saw. "You don't know where that's been."
"Oh please, it's not that gross," says Leo, doing his best to keep his voice light and airy. "It's just a bottle cap."
"That other people have touched and that you put into your mouth."
"Don't knock it till you try it, bro."
"I'm good not trying it."
"Your loss," says Leo with a shrug. He leans back, cool and calm and collected and not a total weirdo who gnaws on plastic like it's candy. "Stop looking at me like that, I threw it away already."
Donnie stops looking at him, literally. Things feel tense again. Leo doesn’t know how he keeps managing that.
Mikey jumps up, walking to the front of the tank, where Draxum is asleep in one of the chairs. Mikey shakes him awake, smiling in the face of his annoyed grumbling.
“Hey, Barry, is it okay if Leo has a snack?”
“Why do you have to ask him?” calls Leo, folding his arms. “Besides, I’m fine!”
His protests go ignored. “What time is it?” asks Draxum, sitting up and smoothing down his robes.
“I’m fine!” insists Leo, louder.
“It’s three fifteen,” Mikey says.
“Mm… Yes, he can have a snack.” Draxum gets up, going over to their snack cooler. “Leonardo, do you want crackers or more banana?”
“I’m fine!” Leo tries one more time, but his stomach flips when it occurs to him that he may actually not get a snack if he insists, and he wants the snack.
He sighs, sinking back in his seat, and says, “Crackers.” He wants the crunch of eating them.
Draxum brings him his crackers. There’s only four. He’s not sure why he’s getting less this time. Maybe because he was caught chewing on the lid.
He doesn’t ask. He eats what he’s been given, and then decides the best thing for everyone would be if he took another nap.
-----
Raph would have driven them all the way to New York if he’d been allowed. But they insist on having him swap with Donnie, and he ends up sitting in the back on the benches with because the other front chairs are hard for him to fit in.
Leo is asleep. He’s been sleeping a lot, but that’s to be expected. His body barely has any energy, and going by the dark circles, Raph knows he didn’t get much sleep while he was…
When Leo is awake, his family are their lively selves, chatting and laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Once he goes to sleep, everyone quiets down, Donnie dims the lights in the cab, and a weird melancholy sets in.
Leo looks terrible. They haven’t talked about it, but they all know it. Raph is shocked Leo has even been able to walk on his own, but Draxum attributes that to their reinforced mutant biology. He’s swimming in a hoodie that is his size, his hands and feet are skeletal where they poke out of his clothes. Raph wonders how long it will take for him to start filling out again, to have muscle like he did before. He’s afraid to ask.
Splinter sits with Leo’s head in his lap, rubbing his shell any time he shifts in his sleep. Mikey curls up against Raph and sniffles, and Raph pulls him closer.
He has to keep reminding himself that Leo is here, and safe. He just ate a snack, and soon they’ll get another meal in him. Just give it a week or two, and they’ll have their brother back.
And then, he’ll make sure Leo knows he never has to sacrifice himself again.
-----
Home looks just like Leo remembered it, and feels totally foreign at the same time.
His family clap for him as he walks in, and he does a little bow, which is a poor decision because it leaves him feeling lightheaded after. Luckily Raph is there to catch him and carry him from the garage to the chair in the living room. Things are still weird between them, but at least Raph isn't totally avoiding him.
(Raph still hasn't yelled at him. He wishes they could just get it over with.)
They eat lunch, with Leo getting bland soup and crackers again. Draxum notes that he could have peanut butter if they could have it in the lair, which makes Raph look pointlessly guilty, so Leo changes the subject. After lunch, April gives him a big hug and tells him she'll see him soon, but she has to go back home before her mom gets too worried. Leo feels bad when he learns she's missed several days of class now, but she just laughs and pats his head.
"I'm a senior and it's May, Leo; that I show up at all is enough for them."
Everyone's tired from being on the road for over twenty four hours, so after April leaves they unanimously agree on a movie marathon/turtle pile in the living room. His brothers drag out their comfiest pillows and blankets and set up in the floor, while Splinter cuddles up with Leo in his recliner. Draxum actually stays, to everyone's surprise, and Mikey jumps at the opportunity to introduce him to the magic of Lou Jitsu and Jupiter Jim.
Leo drifts in and out the whole evening. He'll be awake for the whole first act of a movie, then blink and suddenly they're partway through a different film. Each time he wakes his dad is there, patting his hand and saying, "Hello, Blue," and his brothers are around him, quoting their favorite lines or jumping up to act along with their favorite parts. It's normal and it's familiar and it's warm and soft.
He eats more soup for dinner, and crackers and banana and a little pudding cup, as a treat. His family gets more sleepy as evening turns to night; his dad's snoring fills the room, and Draxum finally leaves to go to his apartment. His brothers settle in and fall asleep around the middle of Jupiter Jim's Last Trip to the Moon 17, curled up in a heap at the foot of the chair.
He's home.
He's really home.
It's over.
Leo buries his face in his dad's fur and lets that thought carry him to sleep.
-----
Leo's home and it's amazing.
Raph wishes that meant everything was back to normal.
He doesn't know how to be around Leo right now. Every time he looks at him, he sees the stick thin arms and the gaunt face and he hears Leo's voice saying, That's not what a hero would do, and he doesn't know what to say anymore. What if he accidentally says something that makes Leo feel like what happened to him was right? What if he accidentally makes Leo think he should do it again?
It's only been a day, he tries to tell himself. Leo's still spending most of his time sleeping, between his regular snacks and meals. Even when he's awake, he doesn't have much energy for conversation, seeming content to just sit and listen to everyone else. It's just not the right time. It'll get better once Leo is better.
He can wait until then.
It's the afternoon now, the day after they brought Leo home. Raph just finished his workout and is making his rounds to check on everyone, just to make sure that everyone is... well, just to make sure. Splinter is in the kitchen making tea, a kind with no caffeine or sugar, as per Draxum's instructions. Mikey and Leo are in the living room, a half-asleep Leo watching Mikey play video games on the projecter.
Donnie isn't there.
His heart lurches, no matter how much he tells himself it's okay. Donnie is fine, Donnie is home, Donnie hasn't gone missing, not right after they got Leo back.
(He'd tried to tell himself Leo was fine in the beginning, too.)
He checks their rooms first, but Donnie's is empty. Then it's up to the lab, where he finds the door closed.
He knocks, and a robotic voice asks for identification. He sighs, not wanting to play this game right now.
"Donnie, it's me. You better be in there..."
The door beeps and then slides up, revealing a dimly lit lab. At first, Raph thinks he must not be here, and he's about to turn to leave, but then he hears a noise from Donnie's big computer desk.
A sniffle.
His big brother senses shifting into hyperdrive, he speed-walks over. The door slides shut behind him with a mechanical whir.
Sure enough, Donnie is there, legs pulled up into his desk chair, face buried in his knees. His goggles are off and laying on the desk, and his computer monitor shows a video, frozen on...
A white room, almost empty, save the cot that is for some reason propped up in front of the toilet, and...
Donnie sniffles again, and Raph tears his eyes away from one little brother to the other.
"Donnie...? What is this?"
Donnie sniffs and sits up a little more, rubbing under his eyes where tear tracks are already drying. "It's the surveillance video from the EPF base."
Raph gathered that much. "Why... are you watching it?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Donnie looks up at him. "I wanted to see what they did to him."
"You couldn't just ask him?"
Donnie's drawn on eyebrows go down. "I don't know, do you want to ask him?"
Raph imagines trying to ask Leo questions like that and can't help but cringe. "Okay, no. Raph doesn't want to do that."
"Exactly." Donnie gestures at the screen. "I got this footage from the base. And I erased it permanently from their systems, for the record, and destroyed the hard drives to be sure. But I kept a copy for us. I thought, if Leo wasn't in a state to... well, just in case. We might need it for medical reasons."
"But we know what's wrong with him," Raph points out.
"Do we?"
"Uh, yeah." Raph nods. "Starvation... right?"
"Well, yes." Donnie drums his fingers on the table. "But... he's different, now. He's pretending he's not, and he's doing his normal Leo thing of joking and smiling, but... he is." Donnie scowls. "And I already asked Michael to confirm my suspicions, and he said so, too, so I know this isn't me overreacting!"
"Okay, okay!" Raph holds up his hands placatingly. "So you wanted to watch the footage to see what happened. What'd you find out?"
Donnie wilts, resting his chin on his knees. "I couldn't get further than the first twenty four hours."
Raph feels a foreboding chill run over his spine. "You couldn't... or you didn't want to?"
Donnie reaches over and presses a button. The footage shifts to a different angle, so now he can see the wall Leo was curled up against. Donnie runs the footage back at a fast speed, and Raph watches as Leo gets up a few times, disappearing into the blind spot of the camera, or going to grab water from a little slot by the door, until Donnie freezes on a new scene: the wall opening up to reveal a large window.
He leans forward, putting his hands on the desk. "Raph saw that - they were watching his cell through that."
"Yes. And he would sit in that spot," Donnie runs the footage forward a bit, to where Leo is sitting against the now white wall, "because it's in a blind spot to the window."
Raph grimaces. "He didn't want them watching him."
"But it didn't matter," says Donnie, and he reaches over and taps the button to go to a new angle... and again... and again. "They have every inch of the room covered."
Raph's heart sinks. "Does he know?"
"Leo's not dumb," says Donnie, a magnanimous statement coming from him. "He knew they had to be watching him with cameras."
"But he still tried to hide..."
"He was doing whatever he had to to feel better," concludes Donnie.
Raph sighs. "I wonder if it worked."
Donnie clicks another button, and the video player closes. He swivels his chair to face Raph, his eyes shiny again.
"I don't want to watch anymore," he admits.
Raph nods. "I wouldn't want to, either."
"No, I mean... because he was trying to hide." Donnie rubs at his eyes again. "Maybe it is a little ironic for me to be saying this, but... it feels like it would be a privacy violation."
Raph turns that over. Maybe knowing what happened to Leo could help them. But what Donnie is saying feels more important.
He puts his hand on Donnie's shoulder, the part that's bare past his battleshell, and gives it a rub. "You love him and you don't want to hurt him," he concludes.
Donnie sniffles again, and then uncurls himself, putting his legs down on the ground. He doesn't have to do more than that for Raph to catch on, and Raph scoops Donnie up into a hug that is quickly returned.
"...I keep hurting him," Donnie admits, resting his head on Raph's shoulder. "I don't know how, but it keeps happening."
"...Yeah, well, join the club," says Raph sadly. He pats at Donnie's back. "Raph can't seem to say the right thing, either."
Donnie laughs miserably. "I thought getting him back would be the hard part. And then everything would go back to normal."
"Yeah..." Raph gives him a tight squeeze. "But you know what April said?"
"What?"
"That we'll do the hard part, 'cause we love him."
"Well, April is the only other smart one in this family," says Donnie, and Raph gives him a noogie with no actual pressure.
"Everything will be okay," he says. "Raph promises."
That seems to calm Donnie down. Raph just hopes he can actually keep it.
-----
It's his first night back in his room, and for the first time since escaping, Leo can't sleep.
He doesn't know why he can't. The sheets are the same as always. The dim lights from outside his subway car filter in through the windows the same as they used to. He's wearing his favorite pajamas, which have pants and long sleeves. The temperature is warm but not too hot. Conditions are perfect.
But he can't sleep.
At first he thought maybe it's because he's alone for the first time, but he doesn't think it's that. In fact, the idea of going to one of his brothers or his dad makes him feel even more exhausted. He loves them and he loves being around them, but he's had to work hard all day to not seem too weird. He caught himself chewing his spoon at lunch and had to stop. He paced the kitchen until Draxum gave the okay for him to have a snack. Mikey poked his head in while he was changing shirts earlier and he froze up, deer in the headlights. In the end, he went to the bathroom to change, because at least there aren't windows in there.
He's being weird, and trying to not be weird is taking all his energy.
So no. He's okay being alone right now. But something is still bothering him.
It's not the bed; he slept in the motel just fine. It's not the temperature, because they're making sure the lair stays nice and warm for him. And it's not the clothes, because the clothes are covering him up. And it's not the windows because it's not even like anyone is looking through them.
Right?
It's only then that Leo realizes he keeps staring out of them.
He tears his eyes away to look at the ceiling, taking deep breaths. What is he worried about? So what if the train car is full of windows? Who would even be looking at him? It's just his family outside, and if they need to talk to him they'll come in.
Besides, the windows are see-through. If someone were looking at him, he'd be able to see them.
Just to reassure himself of that, Leo looks around at all the windows again.
Yep. Still see-through. So it's fine. It's really not a big deal! No one is going to look through the windows at him here. No one is watching him. He's safe, and if he weren't, he would know, because he can see.
...Maybe he could hide under his bed.
Leo gives his head a hard shake. No. He is not going to hide under his bed, because that would be weird, and Leonardo Hamato is not weird.
Maybe he can just... put up some curtains in his room. Just, purely for aesthetic reasons. Yeah, that would look really cool. He could get some blue ones with some kind of sick design. Add some real originality to this place.
And then he could cover the windows and no one could look in unless he wanted them to.
Not that anyone is looking in, because he's home and he's safe and he's okay and he really wants to hide under his bed-
He takes deep breaths. His eyes land on the posters on the wall of the train car.
Maybe... maybe they would look better over the windows. Just... aesthetically.
He moves the posters to the windows of the train car, pressing hard to get the old tape to stick. It covers the immediate windows around his bed, but there are still others, and they're more in the dark, so Leo can't see who might be out there.
Not that anyone would be.
But if someone were, he wouldn't be able to know.
So he grabs towels next, and t-shirts, and anything he has lying around his room, and puts them on the bed. Then he sneaks to the kitchen to find a roll of masking tape.
It's not easy, but after about an hour he's managed to cover every window in the train car with something.
Just... a preview. For how sweet the curtains are going to look. And not for any weird reasons, like being scared.
Because he's not scared. He's home, and he's safe, and no one is watching him from outside the windows.
He lays down in bed and surveys his handwork. The room is even darker now, with every window covered, completely different from the stark ever-present light in that place.
It makes him feel safe and hidden.
No one can look in, and he's shielded by the dark.
(He has no idea how he's going to explain this tomorrow.)
But when he finally shuts his eyes, he sleeps like a baby.
-----
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (here) | Part 4 (not yet out)
#rottmnt#dandy fanfiction#room fic#rise leo#rise raph#rise splinter#rise donnie#rise mikey#rise april#baron draxum#cw internalized ableism#cw vomit
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Gluttony - Leona
Author Notes: It was actually really difficult to choose what I was going to post this week. But I've been a little busy lately, so I finally just chose this one rather than working on polishing some of my other fics. I wrote this one to the song "Too Sweet" by Hozier and that most certainly showed in the writing. With that said though, I'm pretty pleased with how this fic turned out. As per usual, reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!
Type: Gender neutral reader/ fluff/ some angst with comfort/ romance implied/ some pining/ sfw
Word count: 1528
Leona opened his eyes groggily, a frown on his face, as soon as the sun shone down through the leaves of the tree that hung over him, briefly blinding him before he sat up.
A hum from his left had his ears twitching before he twisted to see you lying right by his side. A slight smile on your face as the shadows of the leaves swayed across your form, and he felt his eyebrows raise.
He wasn’t particularly surprised to see you, though he knew the same couldn’t be said for anyone who might have seen you here.
Leona was no fool. He knew that you and him were pretty much perfect opposites. That’s why everyone always looked so confused when you were walking along beside him. Chattering away with a happy expression or teasing him about something that had recently gone in a way he hadn’t planned for it to.
Leona was the hated second prince. It was his burden, and it was one he’d carried his entire life. It was nothing new.
He was bitter, unpleasant, and something that people preferred to avoid either out of fear or powerful levels of distaste.
And then there was you. Sweet and far more optimistic than he thought he could ever be. And perhaps more interestingly, you were no fool. You knew everything wasn’t flowers and dreams. How could you not when you lived in a place like Ramshackle dorm and didn’t even have a way to get home?
You were seemingly trapped in a world that wasn’t your own, but you didn’t let that stop you. Instead, you just keep going with your head held high, a smile on your face, and a laugh on your lips as you shrugged it off. It was admirable.
But it also simply wasn’t him. And that was something he knew perfectly well.
That simple fact was also the exact reason your classmates would find it so odd to see you slumbering here by his side and not somewhere else with someone who was a better match for your sweet disposition.
Leona leaned forward, propping his head on his chin as he looked down at where you slept by his side. You’d come here to study in the botanical garden while he’d slumbered next to you. It was something you often did, though he couldn’t fathom why.
It was almost like you either wanted the company or didn’t want him to be lonely. Either of which was ridiculous, since he could think of plenty of people who’d want to be your study buddy, and he certainly didn't want company for his naps.
But then, Leona also didn’t mind your presence, though he had his own reasons for not running you off.
Leona titled his head slightly, sighing at the sight of you, before pulling the book whose corner was jabbing into your side out of your hands and setting it off to the side where you’d quickly find it after waking up.
He idly scanned the area, half rolling his eyes as he confirmed that your feline companion was nowhere to be seen.
Grim had no doubt long since abandoned you in favor of avoiding anything even close to work.
As for you, Leona didn’t know if you were foolish or bold to have fallen asleep right next to him with no one around to protect you. But here you were curled up at his side, as if he weren’t someone who could easily harm you and were instead someone who would take care of you should you need it.
Which wasn’t something he could really deny to himself, but you didn’t need to know that.
After all, you’d seen him when he’d overblotted and you knew he wasn’t a good person. That should have been enough to send you scrambling to get away from him. But instead, here you were.
And it was ridiculous.
It was true that it might have taken Jack a little while to realize that Leona wasn’t someone he needed to look up to, but Leona’s actions at the Spelldrive competition had cleared up Jack’s misunderstandings about him.
Ruggie had always known what sort of person Leona was. It was one of the reasons he hung around. After all, there was safety in sticking close to people like Leona, so long as you remembered what they were truly like.
Both realized, for better or worse, that Leona was not a misunderstood individual who was secretly good. He was jaded, always beaten by others, and essentially worthless.
But then there was you, who was seemingly unbothered by any of this.
And it wasn’t even like you didn’t believe Leona’s flaws existed; he could work with that. Instead, it was almost like you didn’t care. Like you didn’t really expect him to change outside of your occasional prodding for him to take better care of himself.
You saw his flaws—that much he knew from the times you had bickered with him over something—but you just seemed to accept them. The same way you just seemed to accept other people’s flaws as something that was just a part of them. Only ever really scolding others, or even Leona himself, when their actions either harmed themselves or others.
And that's how Leona knew you were simply too sweet for him. Too sweet for him to endure being near, but simultaneously too sweet for him to turn away.
It was just another show of how worthless he was at anything he tried to do and how little his own efforts mattered. He could try to push you away, but he couldn’t ever stop himself from clinging to you.
As if you were one of the last sweet bits of his otherwise bitter life. A potent method of making everything else seem to fall away and be ignored so long as he just gets a fleeting taste of that kindness.
And Leona had tried to ignore you, but it was somehow impossible, even when he knew that being close to him could easily taint that sweetness of yours and turn it into a bitterness more like his.
But Leona also knew that you and him were all but opposites, and that was probably where the attraction of being near you lay.
Though that realization did nothing to lessen that attraction, no matter how frustrating it might be.
You shifted, letting out some sort of groggy sound and causing him to snort in amusement at your lethargic movements that had you shifting closer to him as if you craved his warmth. Coming closer to him instead of distancing yourself like you should.
It was ridiculous, watching you now, to think that you’d somehow bested him in the past. But you had. You’d beaten him as well as numerous others at their own game. Making them look like fools, as you seemed to change things simply by existing.
And maybe you did. After all, you weren’t of this world. And perhaps that was why it was so hard for him to detach himself from you.
Your eyes fluttered open, and you twisted to look up at the lion beastman, who didn’t even bother hiding his amusement as you blinked up at him before groggily sitting up, “What time is it?”
Leona glanced around, his ears twitching slightly as he listened to the distant sounds of students chattering as they left their club areas before he looked back your way, “Time to be getting back to the dorms. Club practice has already let out.”
You nodded, not looking terribly surprised and seemingly resigned to having lost the rest of your study period.
“Have you seen Grim?” You frowned lightly as you glanced around, and Leona snorted, leaning back and relaxing once more against the ground, lazily watching you as you collected your books.
“Nope,” At the single word you glanced over at him with raised eyebrows that almost made him want to take back all the previous thoughts he’d had about you being sweet.
But then that tiny bit of bite you had to you only ever seemed to emphasize your sweetness. It was what kept you interesting and at odds with the fools at RSA.
Because, unlike them, you managed to have a certain degree of cunning even with your sweetness. After all, he hadn’t been lying that day when he’d told Azul that you were far more dastardly than the scheming cephalo-punk was.
That was probably another reason why Leona had given up on pushing you away and had even come to expect your presence. He was a glutton for punishment, and with you being a villain that was sweet enough to even catch him unawares, you were certainly enough to keep him on his toes.
His gaze held yours even as he felt yet another chip in the wall of his defenses fall away, despite the fact that he’d always maintained these walls around himself.
He may not want to let you in, but you really were too sweet for him, and it was reaching the point that Leona was becoming more and more willing to let himself give into his gluttony.
#Twisted wonderland imagines#Leona x reader#Leona kingscholar#Twisted wonderland x reader#gender neutral reader#fluff#angst with comfort#pining#romance implied#twst#mywritings#it-happened-one-fic#too sweet#too sweet hozier#Leona x you#Leona x y/n#Leona kingscholar x reader#twisted wonderland x you#twisted wonderland x y/n#twst x reader#twst x you#twst x y/n#savannaclaw#fanfiction#fanfic#Disney TW#Disney twst#Disney
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Oh imagine this!
You and Ricky are in an FWB type relationship. But from the start you loved Ricky and hoped he had the same feelings for you... One day you dared to express your feelings while talking to him alone in the school bathroom and also said sorry. "Rui, I'm sorry for crossing the line, I couldn't control my love for you:(". You said that while holding his slender fingers tightly as if afraid he would really leave you.
Fingers Intertwined
Pairing : Shen ricky x fem!reader
Genre: Angst, smut
Warnings: Sad sex, fwb, semi-public sex.
A/N: I didn't know what exactly you wanted so i just mixed angst with smut, hope thats alright. Its barely any smut tho😭😭
The sound of the door falling into the lock echoed through the room, but the blackhaired guy infront of you was the only thing you could think about. He seemed perfect, atleast to you. You admired the way his hair fell down his pale skin perfectly, his sharp nose and his deep eyes.
His demeanor, way of loving, laughing or hating made you admire him. It awakened a deep sense of longing in you, that you wished didn't exist. Because to him, you were mere lust. A soulless doll to fulfill his desires. You were like a forbidden froot, something so desireable yet dangerous, that it had to be kept secret.
You knew that what the two of you had going on, was a mere agreement to fulfill eachothers lust. To let go of the stress that builds up because of school and work. You knew that after you'd spend endless nights together, acting like lovers and worshipping eachothers body's, you'd still be just friends.
Yet deep in you, there was hope. Hope that all those sweet words he coaxed you with were not just meanless words. That the way he cared for you, touched you and made you feel like the most loved person, wasn't just because he wanted your body.
You hoped, that what he desired wasn't the monotonous shell you lived in, but your beating heart. The heart, that was beating for him.
"Why did you call me?" His deep voice pulled you out of your trance and you blinked a couple of times. Thinking about confessing always seemed so easy, but with Ricky now standing infront of you, it felt like your throat was tied up.
"I.." You trailed off, eyes watching as his slender statue leaned against the sink "I want to break off our agreement" You said, looking into his eyes in hope of seeing any kind of reaction.
His face remained indifferent, but you could see confusion in his eyes. He tilted his head softly "Why?" He spoke as he crossed his arms "Are you dating again?"
You could've sworn a hint of jealousy was laced between his words, but a look at his cold face left you doubting that. You gulped, your eyes flickering to the ground.
"No I.. I broke the rule" You whispered, barely audible to Ricky's ear. He raised a single eyebrow, pushing himself off the sink while staring down at you. Both of you knew what it meant, how could anyone of you ever forget?
The most important rule in your agreement ; Never, and absolutely never, fall in love with eachother. It was something the two of you have always taken alot of worth in.
It seemed so easy in the beginning. So easy to fuck deep into the night, all the stress fading into pleasure. But maybe it became harder, when those rough fucks became intimate love making. When those kisses didn't feel worthless anymore.
You blinked a couple of times, feeling tears well up your eyes "Rui I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to" You began stuttering, your hand searching for his slender fingers. You held onto them, panic rising up in your chest as the feeling of loosing him dawned on you.
You were too weak to look into his eyes, the fear of rejection leaving you staring at the floor. Only whine you felt his index finger beneath your chin, you looked up.
His demeanor was cold, but his eyes were full of emotion. Emotions you've never seen on him. It felt wrong, seeing the pity in his eyes. You wanted them to look at you like you were his one and only love, not like someone he pitys.
"You know I could never love you" He whispered, his breath hitting your cheek. Your heart ached at those words, the horrifying realization lingering deep in your veins. You knew he was right, how could he ever love someone like you?
And even if he did, it would've never worked out, right? The two of you were too different in each and every aspect of your existence.
He began kissing the tears of your cheeks, sadness lingering in the walls of the bathroom. You sobbed silently, fingers gripping onto his clothes like he was the last thing holding you on earth.
"It hurts" You whispered while your voice displayed pure vunerability and pain. His hands wandered to your waist, caressing it slowly as he spread his kissed down to your neck.
"It'll stop eventually love" He mumbled. There it was again, those loving words that lead you on. Were you really just a game to him? A doll he could play with until he leaves her in the corner of his room?
His pale fingers swiftly wandered beneath your skin, stroking along the fabric of your panties. Soft whimpers left your lips, your cheeks still stained with your tears.
"I'm sorry I couldn't control my love for you.." You mumbled, your body aching to be in his. He shushed you, slowly entering you with your fingers.
A moan left your lips as you cried again. Pain and pity filled your body. The feeling of your heart breaking in small peaces leaving your body pained. But you also felt pity. Pity for yourself, just as Ricky pitied you.
You managed to fall in love with a guy who would never love you back, leading you on. You knew what kind of pain was ahead of you. You knew that he wasn't good for you. Yet you were here, letting him use your body again after confessing your love to him.
You pitied yourself, but you were in love. And people in love, do the most horrifying things merely because their heart aches to be held by a certain person.
His finger stroked along your clit softly, luring gentle moans out of your mouth. You gripped onto his shoulders, letting your forehead rest in the crook of his neck as your tears stained his shirt.
With one last stroke thrust of his fingers, and one last stroke along your clit you finally came, reaching your high as a vunerable moan escaped your lips.
It would be the last one to be lurked out by Ricky, both of you knew that. Both of you knew that after this, you'd never talk again. Both of you knew that after this, he'd be living his life like normal, while you'd start your journey on healing.
He pulled his hand out of your pantie, his fingers wandering to your mouth to let you taste yourself. The sight of his sharp eyes looking down at you with such a caring, yet indifferent look confused you.
But what did you expect, Ricky wasn't someone to reveal his true emotions easily. He stroked your head softly, gazing into your eyes one last time.
"Don't hurt too much" He whispered, it made you believe he actually cared for you, but you knew it were empty words. With that he left you alone, your body leaning against the sink as you shattered completely.
Maybe it was meant to be, for him to break your heart and use you for the mere reason of lust. Maybe it was something to learn from, to move on from and use wisely in the future. But right now, it seemed like the only thing that could help you heal were his hands in yours, fingers interwined.
#amoremainslayer#zb1 x reader#zerobaseone x reader#amore's thoughts💋#zb1 hard hours#zb1 smut#zb1 imagines#zb1 angst#zb1 ricky#shen ricky#ricky x reader#zb1 ricky x reader#ricky smut#ricky#ricky shen#zb1#ricky angst
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a/n: based of the recent episode! 3x14! So might be spoilers, maybe.
As summer is just around the corner, you're older!gf!Melissa has a few or maybe more ideas on how she wants to spend her summer this year. And it's gonna be different, because now she has you. You couldn't contain your excitement as you said your goodbyes to the last kid leaving your class as you happily and practically skipped your way to Melissa's class, you know Janine has hosted a party and you two have planned to go to that. You wouldn't want to let a friend down. Melissa however, just wants to get drunk.
"here early hmm? Someone's excited" a familiar voice snaps you out of your daydream of a certain redhead who's standing in front of you right now with her hands on her hips, looking rather pleased.
"early? I'm right on time" you say with a small smile, "the last kid from my class just left with their parents."
She nods.
"and you came to see me?" She questions, you frown, confused.
"well, yes, because we're dating, I'm your girlfriend and you're my girlfriend" you say.
Melissa smiles.
"your girlfriend? And you're mine, I like the sound of that."
You shake your head, your cheeks burning as you hear her chuckle, she wraps an arm around your shoulder and you shudder from her touch.
God you've missed her.
Sure you see her all day, sure, you two work together in the same environment, sure, there's not one moment where no one can seem to catch you two apart, but you still wanna be by her side always. As much as you can.
Janine's party was definitely one you weren't expecting. Arriving with Mel you saw how easy she had her and Barbara with organising and cleaning stuff around her apartment, you found it ridiculous, laughing at them, you knew Mel wasn't the one for a messy place. Then Janine hit you with what she wanted was everyone to be involved, have fun, for you just being by Melissa all night long would do the trick, shocking, right? Janine knew you well, she wouldn't want you two seperated at all.
It was an hour or so into the party, Melissa was already tipsy, so was Barbara, and everyone else, except maybe a few people. You weren't always a fan of parties but this was for your friend and well Melissa wanted alcohol.
As of lately, Melissa had only just become more comfortable with PDA in your relationship, it wasn't that she hated it, she just didn't like people watching too much. You were hers, no one else's. You didn't know why she thought anyone would be bothered by it, when no one else seemed to care.
Then unexpectedly, you feel hands wrap around your waist and pull you in closer, you were about to cuss whoever had the dumb idea to do that but you smelled a familiar perfume and saw Melissa, you smiled, relaxed against her, she was enjoying herself, and so were you.
She began to kiss along the back of your neck, you bit down on your bottom lip to stop from being too loud, forgetting your at a friend's party, but everyone else was lost in their own world, dancing, partying, you both swayed to the music, she didn't seem to stop, nor did you want her to.
"Mel" you said, unsure if she could even hear you, you grabbed her hand, she looked at you, smiling. "Take me to yours?" You asked.
And she nodded, grabbing you as you two didn't even bother to say goodbye as she rushed you out.
You two laughed, smiling so much it hurt as you held each other.
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tent troubles
hi everyonee!! i just wanted to thank you for 50 likes, its a start and it truly means the world to me. i'm so glad you guys like my stuff and i deeply appreciate it, and i hope you guys continue to support me! :) <3
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as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a golden hue over the forest, class 1-A set up camp. laughter and chatter filled the air as everyone pitched in, erecting tents and preparing for a night under the stars. you were excited, the prospect of camping with your friends bringing a smile to your face. that smile, however, faded when you realized you were paired with katsuki bakugo.
you and bakugo had always had a irregular relationship. his fiery temper and your headstrong nature often clashed, leading to more arguments than you cared to count. but aizawa-sensei, in his infinite wisdom, had decided that this trip was the perfect opportunity for you two to learn to work together.
"just stay out of my way," bakugo grumbled, dropping the tent supplies at your feet. he was already annoyed, and you knew better than to poke the bear.
"sure, bakugo," you replied, trying to keep the peace. you bent down to pick up the tent poles, but he snatched them away before you could grab them.
"i said stay out of my way," he repeated, more forcefully this time. you bit back a retort and stepped back, crossing your arms as you watched him struggle with the poles.
minutes passed in tense silence. bakugo was clearly having trouble setting up the tent, but his pride wouldn’t allow him to ask for help. finally, with a frustrated growl, he threw the poles to the ground.
"do you want help now?" you asked, unable to keep the smugness out of your voice.
"shut up and just… help me," he muttered, glaring at you.
together, you managed to get the tent set up, though not without several more snide comments and glares from bakugo. by the time it was finished, the sky had turned a deep indigo, and the first stars were beginning to appear.
you sat down by the campfire, feeling exhausted but somewhat accomplished. bakugo sat across from you, his scowl softened slightly by the firelight. the others were busy roasting marshmallows and telling ghost stories, the atmosphere light and cheerful.
"here," bakugo said suddenly, holding out a stick with a perfectly roasted marshmallow. you blinked in surprise.
"uh, thanks," you said, taking the marshmallow from him. It was uncharacteristically kind of him, and you couldn't help but wonder what had prompted the gesture.
"don't read too much into it," he snapped, looking away. "i just didn't want to hear you whining about not having one."
"sure, bakugo," you replied, a small smile tugging at your lips.
the night wore on, and eventually, everyone headed back to their tents. you crawled into your sleeping bag, trying to get comfortable on the uneven ground. bakugo was already lying down, his back to you.
for a while, you lay in silence, listening to the sounds of the forest. You were almost asleep when you heard bakugo's voice, quiet and hesitant.
"why don't you hate me?"
you turned to face him, confused. "..what?"
"i said, why don't you hate me?" he repeated, louder this time. "i’m always yelling at you, and you never fight back.. why?"
you thought about it for a moment. "because I know there's more to you than just your temper. you're a good person, bakugo, even if you don't always show it."
he was silent for a long time. then, just as you were beginning to think he wouldn't respond, he spoke again.
"thanks," he said softly, almost too softly for you to hear. "and… sorry.. i guess."
it was a small apology, but coming from Bakugo, it meant a lot. you smiled in the darkness, feeling a warmth in your chest that had nothing to do with the campfire.
"goodnight, bakugo," you whispered, closing your eyes.
"goodnight," he replied, his voice gentler than you'd ever heard it.
and for the first time since you'd started at UA, you fell asleep feeling like maybe, just maybe, you and bakugo could be friends after all.
#anime#mha#mha x reader#bnha#bnha x reader#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugo x reader#katsuki bakugou#platonic#x reader#faithfulren
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Aftermath of Full Moon🌑
Sorry for the emotional whiplash but whoo double post! (Pls don't hate me guys)
Also more rants about full moon (sorry yall im a yapper at heart):
Everyone is bashing blitz rn but honestly I'm kinda on his side? Not completely I think they had both good points and obviously it got emotional and blitz was being defensive and self destructive and didn't exactly mean what he was saying but honestly I think he had a point. The way stolas handled it was weird to me. He told blitz to come on the full moon- basically leading him to belive it was their transactional thing when really he wants to have a very serious talk about their relationship. I feel like he could have specified that he wanted him to come over to talk? (Although I will have a counter argument saying knowing blitz that might scare him away into not showing cause feelings are scary to him) I understand an emotional talk can scare people into not thinking logically- I just think it would have been smarter to full on say what he wanted so it wasn't so abrupt and sudden to blitz, causing him to react the way he did. He would have been better prepared and handled it better.
Now about Blitz. I know he has very crazy emotional trauma and refuses to believe anyone loves him and pushes people away bc of that. But he's getting better as we've seen the past few episodes. He wants to atone- he made up with fizz, he wants to make up with Barbie, and I'm pretty sure him and Verosika will make up in Apology Tour. But he definetly had a point. Up until about Ozzies was Stolas actually more upfront about his feelings. Because most of Season 1 was haha horny bird. Remember in S1 episode 6 when Blitz had that bad trip and he had to crawl up to stolas in chains showing how he feels like just an imp serving his master? Yeah. Stolas has referred to him as an "impish little plaything" Really only solidifying his belives. Then at ozzies he doesn't deny any of the allegations that him and Blitz are anything but sleeping with each other.
We as the audience know stolas wants a relationship with Blitz, but Blitz doesn't see those heartbreaking moments of him pouring his heart out when he's alone. No one does. Stolas has been very upfront but he's never had an actual for real talk with Blitz about his feelings. Then when he randomly spills all that out on him he sees him confused and is (understandably, with how Blitz mocked his feelings as a roleplay) hurt. He moves on and just dismisses Blitz thinking that's his answer. Blitz argues back and gets angry and I really think he was right in this argument, Stolas should have talked about this sooner, or handled it differently. Then right as things get heated in the discussion he just sends him away. They didn't get the chance to really talk, one said their feelings, the other got defensive, and then that's it.
I'm not really blaming Stolas or Blitz for this argument. Stolas is my favorite character so trust me this is in no way stolas hate. But I wanted to shed light on this and sees if anyone agrees with me Blitz is not only in the wrong.
Omg I'm sorry for the long yap session if yall read to the end you're a real one fr.
#helluva blitzo#helluva stolas#helluva boss stolas#helluva boss blitz#helluva blitz#helluva boss#helluvaverse#helluva fanart#my art#stolas x blitz#blitzø#blitzo#stolas#stolitz#full moon helluva boss#full moon
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I made the mistake of rewatching Sherlock because I never did finish it back in the day (I was -clenches fist- seething over the queerbaiting and rage quit after not fully watching episode 1 of s4) and I'm here to make my side hyperfixation (what year is this??? Who am I???) Tumblr's problem. The more I sit with s4, the less I like it 😂 There were pieces and elements I liked, but overall, it left a bad taste in my mouth. Forgive me if any or all if these points have been talked to death, I missed all the discourse and I'm hella late, but I need to flail and send my thoughts into the void because what even WAS that season? I can't believe I avoided it for years, got drawn in by a couple of tiktoks making fun (affectionately) of superwholock Era and That Scene about the fucking phone charger port, binged all of it, only to be left with..... that. Not nearly as disappointing or rage inducing as spn's ending but by God, did it leave a hole in me. So please ignore my rambling thoughts as I slap them down here for my own sanity.
• First and foremost, what - and I can't stress this enough - the fuck was UP with the assassination of John's entire character???? What was that??? Why????
• Related to that point - I can appreciate the angst point and potential it provides, as I'm reading many, many fics, but AYO WHY didn't anyone rip John an entire new one for that beat down he did on Sherlock????? Hello???? 911?????
• Tell me why everything felt so stilted and borderline icy. Like I get the high emotions and shit, but after a certain point... 😭 was there a falling out between Benedict and Martin that I'm not aware of? Did they just try to ungay everything so hard and were so pissed at the audience picking up everything THAT THEY PUT???? into this show and their interactions that they just hit the brakes hard enough to make everything feel weird???
• A lot of it felt weird. Off kilter a little. Forced in some places, toned down in others (and toned down where it shouldn't have been), a nod to ships but weirdly/hatefully??? Idk if that makes sense. Like the whole Sherlock and Molly phone call (I do not mean any hate to this ship, I really hope it doesn't come off this way. Not my cup of tea but you are valid). Why was Molly so upset BEFORE the call? Did I miss something? Also I don't personally think or feel she'd still have those feelings for him??? I??? I am bamboozled.
• to that whole point, Eurus was.... Hmm. Mmmm. She was. Something. (Confused derogatory)
• I like Mary as a character. I also hated her. (Definitely biased by my shipper trash ass self for johnlock, I'm sorry). Wtf were those messages, please. Edit: AND ANOTHER THING. John's reaction to Sherlock's death - awful, gut wrenching, beautiful, my heart breaks with and for him, utterly devasting. John's reaction to Mary's death - had me sitting there like🧍♀️(it was weird. so weird. awkward. w h y. (we know why, but also the acting choices were Something TM, in both cases! for different reasons!) i'm sorry i just can't get past my anger and put off-ness with mary, fun as she could be)
• why did mycroft and John switch roles 😭 pls. The last episode was just. So Much. The lackluster responses from John, to John, to Sherlock, between them, like.... hello???? Who are these people?? Help me. Moriarty saved me for a brief shining moment tho, God bless.
There's more I could spew, but that's what's sitting right at the top of my head. I guess all this just to say, if a show runner/writer really just fucking hates the audience they got (instead of the one they wanted), they probably shouldn't have fucking become a show runner/writer in the first place. Either hand it to someone who can actually handle it and listens, or fuck off. I will never understand when shows and plots and characters gets kamikaze'd because of a show runner being pissy and egotistical. Like ????? Grow up. Learn from Bryan Fuller and Hannibal or something.
Sorry for all the rambling, bless anyone who reads this and makes sense of it 😂
#sherlock#bbc sherlock#sherlock holmes#john watson#johnlock#season 4#s4#steven moffat#mark gatiss#yo wtf#rambling thoughts#ranting#rip me
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Cw: 18+ Only! MDNI! Smut!
GhostxReader!
"The rain is coming down hard. It looks like we'll be spending the night in this cave." I sigh and sit down on the hard ground.
Ghost looks around. "We have no choice.." he sits down beside you, the sound of the rain is loud, the air is damp, and the rocks are slick
"Why are you so distant?" I look at him. it's a question that has been plaguing my mind.
He stays silent for a moment, his mask covering any emotion that may be displayed. His face, he finally answers you in a monotone, cold voice. "I've seen a lot of things. Some people would break if they saw what I had."
"I understand that, I just wish you weren't so cold towards me, I hate when you make me feel like I'm not a part of the squad." I sigh, but my eyes never leave his.
he gets up and paces around. He's breathing heavily, he's fighting some kind of internal battle, then he finally sits down again. "i can't...... i can't get close to you, i cant do it. "
"What about Captain Soap? Don't you trust him?" I look at him curious.
He hesitates. "Yes, but.. something about you.. I can't figure it out.." He looks away, his cold eyes hidden by the shadow of his mask.
"What do you mean by that?" I was confused.
he looks at you, he's looking at you with eyes of pain, pain he hasnt let out. "I- i dont know, i feel like i could trust you, but i've been hurt before."
"Don't let fear dictate your actions. I'm sorry if I came on too strong, but I know you can trust me." I smiled and pat his shoulder.
he looks at the ground. "I don't think you know the weight of what you're saying, the pain i've gone through. It's made me like this." He gestures at himself.
"I know, but you're not alone." I squeeze his hand.
He sighed, "Do you mind if I remove my mask?"
"Go ahead, it's just us two." I smiled.
He reaches up and take off his mask, he turns to look at me, his brown eyes meet yours, there's a small scar above my left eyebrow, his hair is messy, voice is still monotone and cold. "There we go, better?"
"Your hair is messy. "I chuckled.
He rolled his eyes playfully "yeah, I know, I was attacked by a tiger, then I had to get out of a cave and then run all the way here, I didn't have time to brush it!" He chuckled along with you. His eyes still are cold and distant, but they're not as emotionless as before.
Asmile breaks across my face as I laugh, "You're bad at lying."
He laughs, "Yeah, yeah, I'm a liar, but at least I'm a funny liar, unlike Captain Soap, he's got no humor." He teases.
"We should start a fire and get out of these wet clothes." *I was shivering."
Later
We started a fire and a makeshift clothes line.
Slowly undressing, I stopped midway as I looked at ghost, my eyes widened with horror, half of his muscular body was molted, reddish, purple hue overshadows his light skin.
"Oh my god, ghost! Your scars!" He looked over at me, at my reaction. He wonders if I'm disgusted.
Ghost looks away, "I-its fine, please dont worry about it."
"I'm sorry to pry, it's just i've never seen so many scars on someone before.. it must've been hell." I look at him with a face of disdain.
Ghost sighs, "It's a long story, but yes, I've experienced a lot. It's made me who I am today."
my fingertips brushed over the molted flesh, the uneven flesh is taut and slightly bumpy. "They're beautiful, all of them, every inch of you."
He suddenly freezes. He's shocked that you'd call such horrible scars beautiful.
I replaced my fingertips with my lips, kissing the delicate skin, slightly gliding my tongue across the disfigured chest. "Beautiful"
Ghost is stunned by the sudden action. "w-why?.. I'm all.. broken, scarred, not good-looking, I'm a mess."
"You're the only man that I want to be with." I kiss his from his collarbone up to his neck, nipping at his flesh.
Ghost blushes, "You really think that?.. I've never been good enough for anyone."
I kiss his cheek, "You're perfect to me." I place a hand behind his head and pull him in, kissing him passionately.
he kisses back, his heart beating like crazy "I-I thought, you'd find me disgusting."
I pull away slightly, looking up into his eyes
"There's not a single part of you that isn't beautiful."
Ghost hesitates, then pulls you in for another kiss, wrapping his arms around you tightly. Suddenly, I feel my back make contact with the damp ground. I run my hands up and across his chest, sharing a passionate kiss.
Later
Our bodies are one, as our moans fill the cave like a choir as the rain plays like a symphony, The undeniable pleasure rocks both of us to our core. Ghost spread my legs wide open so that his thrusts would go deeper and deeper as I moaned and whimpered.
"Slow down, we have all night."
He didn't slow down. Ghost loved rough sex.
Making sure I'd feel ever inch of his throbbing hard cock stretching my tight velvet walls.
"You're so tight, fuck!" Ghost grunted, not long before I felt the jagged ground of the cave digging into my knees as he fucks me behind in doggy style, having a fistful of my hair as he slaps my ass periodically.
As time progress so did our urge to climax, holding onto him tightly as we reached our peak together, collapsing against his chest.
Aftermath
Ghost smiles as he pulls you back into a kiss, and he whispers, "Promise one thing, y/n."
"Yes, what is it?" I look into his eyes, wondering what he wanted me to promise.
Ghost looks you in the eyes. He seems serious, the smile gone from his face, his voice low and serious. "If anything ever happened, if I was gone or hurt, or something, you'd never leave me, right?
"I promise, whatever happens, you're stuck with me." I whisper.
"I love you, Y/n."
"I love you too, Simon."
-THE END
#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#ghost x you#ghost x reader#ghost cod#ghost smut#cod fanfic#cod smut#cod fic#cod fluff#cod x reader#call of duty x reader#18+ content#18+ only#18+ account#18+ blog
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Good evening, @writerbuddha. I'm a little confused about Anakin's arc in "The Phantom Menace", especially in the climax. What is Anakin's arc in Episode I about and how is that reflected in the film's climax and ending? What does the character learn or fail to learn at the end of the film?
Hello! :)
George Lucas described The Phantom Menace as basically Act I in an epic, where the characters and the basic themes are introduced. Episode I is actually the beginning of Anakin's arc, arching over the trilogy. We're introduced to him and his flaws as well.
We see that Anakin is a very compassionate, courageous and kind person who "gives without a thought of reward" and "knows nothing of greed," and being a Jedi Knight, a guardian of peace and justice in the known universe, who lives for others, is what he dreams about doing. However, we get to see the crack on his armor: Anakin has a fear of losing is mother, he doesn't want things to change, although Shmi tells him, "you can't stop change any more than you can stop the suns from setting." The Jedi Masters, explaining, there is always fear behind anger, there is always anger behind hate, and these are add up to a state of suffering, and lead to evil behavior. Because he has much fear in him, the fear of losing a coming and passing thing, there's a possibility for that to grow into much suffering, not just on his part, but on the part of others. This is the groundwork upon which Episode II and III is built, the foreshadowing of the fall of Anakin Skywalker and the rise of Darth Vader.
With that said, in The Phantom Menace, Anakin learns some lessons. For example, he has to acknowledge that being clean of fear is not limited to having the courage to die for them - it also includes having the courage to live without them, and in that sense, he is very much fearful. He also has to face with the fact that a Jedi Knight can be killed, which feeds into a larger realization: when the good guys win, sometimes, one of them dies, and you must accept the fact that in life, there is no clean, perfect, absolutely satisfying happy end. There are things that we cannot control, so we will never get it just how we want it. Anakin is accepted into the Order, but he had to leave his mother behind. He saved Naboo, but Qui-Gon died. I think it's important that at the end of the movie, everyone seems content, smiling, but Anakin only smiles at Padmé. So, to me, that shows, he has troubles with emotionally accepting this. Which, again, is the inability to let go of what cannot stay.
The way I see the movie, the character who learns something at the end of the film, whose arc is completed in the movie, reflected in the film's climax, and it's also the central arc of the movie, is Padmé and Naboo as a whole: the peaceful and the warrior-like are frowning upon each other, one lives on the surface, in flowery cities, the other is underwater surrounded by beasts, one is led by a queen the other is by a king. Padmé is despised of the concept of war and insist, negotiation is always the answer, but eventually, she must realize that sometimes fighting is necessary. Instead of waiting for the strong and wise leader to solve her problems (which is how tyrants get power: sit back, people, leave this to me. I will fix it, I will make a safe and secure society… in fact, why don’t you put me in charge of everything? You can get on your life, I will bring your security, safety and prosperity!) she decides to stand up, to not to descend into political passivity and apathy, and save her planet. She reconciles with the Gungans, as well as her own warrior-side, and they mutually accept each other at the end of the movie, in harmony and balance.
I hope this is helpful! :)
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Babyshower
Includes- Toji, Sukuna, Nanami, Gojo, Geto
Sukuna-
"What's the point in a stupid Babyshower?" Stuffing his face with sugar cookies decorated like teddy bears since those were the chocolate ones. He was laid out on the floor with you sat beside his head, trying to figure out how you were going to cut the cake since it was 3 tiers, he personally didn't care how it was cut as long as he got some, having 3 separate layers for each of your favourite flavours, that's how thoughtful he was without showing it, it matched your dreams in a Babyshower cake the pink and blue ombre decorating the layers. "So we can find out the gender!" Picking off a fondant decoration which was sin the way, passing it to him. "No kidding." Annoyed with how you pointed out the obvious. He had kicked all the guests out just so you two could have this special moment to yourself.he wasn't a fan of your friends, always plotting to eat them if you dropped them.
"Hurry up woman" cutting the cake for you with his cursed technique, a slice falling perfectly onto the plate, revealing the icing colour as he passed it to you. It took you a few seconds to realise what he had done but looking down at the colour only made you squeal.
Nanami-
"Here" handing you the knife as he sat down next to you. He baked a vanilla rectangle cake for the gender reveal. "Thank you" nodding in response. Despite baking the cake he was still in the dark about the colour since he got someone else to do it. "Actually, pass me the cups" motioning towards the wine glasses. After passing them he leaned on your shoulder, feeling the frame of his reading glasses dent into your arm. "Ready?" "Yes" digging into the corners of the cake to reveal the pink/blue icing. "Guess we're having a girl/boy" he didn't seem happy to someone else's eyes but since you knew him best, he didn't show much emotions.
Geto-
Alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks all around as he celebrated the gender of his baby soon to be revealed. "When you want to do the cake, tell me." Arm around your shoulder, kissing your miserable face. "I'll kick them all out" he hated the fact that he had to invite some of his followers and your friends and family. But he was on cordial terms with them even if it was one-sided, he couldn't invite any Jujutsu sorcerer friends you had, as they were enemies.
"Sorry about that love" kissing your cheek once again, seeing how much happier you were after they all left. Knife already digging into one side of the cake. "It's fine" cutting him a slice of cake, the baker had made it so the cake only had white icing inside, but cupcakes ontop held the secret. "There's no colour Y/N" confused as to why it was neutral. "Take this then" teasing him coming to an end as you picked off one of the cupcakes. Gracefully biting off one side, only to reveal the icing filled inside coloured.
Gojo-
"If it's a boy we should name him Satoru JR, or if it's a girl we should name her Satoshi!" Slapping the back of his forehead as you heard how he wanted his kids to carry atleast some resemblance to himself, they already get some of his name with the surname 'gojo' become a hyphen to yours. "I'm not naming my kid after you" biting into a cupcake to reveal nothing but white icing, the baker had done it so that you two had to guess which one had the icing in. "Why? I've got a beautiful name" taking another cupcake just to reveal more white icing, you two were getting down to the last 5 cupcakes, him having accidentally eaten some whilst the guests were still here. "Yeah but I'm not naming my kid after you, end of" he was getting on your nerves at this point with his ego. "Fine" sighing in defeat, he loved to get on your nerves but stopped since you got pregnant, afraid of causing an premature birth.
Stuffing a cupcake fully in his mouth, he was supposed to ake a bite then show you. "Satoru!" Scared that he may have messed it all up if he ate the one with colour in, "What?" Mouth stuffed with cake as he asked, resting his arm on your shoulder, as he tried to comfort you. "What if that was the one?" "Then it was, the past is the past baby" kissing your teeth at his response, oh how you hoped that it wasn't the one.
"Look Satoru! It's blue/pink" shaking him as you showed him, white icing decking your bottom lip as you licked it clean off, too excited to care about your appearance.
Toji-
Laid out on the sofa wearing nothing but sweatpants, he couldn't be bothered to put on a shirt. Placing the tiered cake on the coffee table, neutral themes to keep you both on your toes as you knew he'd try and guess what gender it was by the way it was decorated. "What are we doing, normally or that thing you wanted to do?" He was very attentive when it came to you, always noticing small details, especially since you have been watching so many videos of couples using wine glasses to take a bite. "Cups" smiling at him, grabbing your waist as he brought you closer, fingers tracing the side of your baby bump. Handing him a cup, bringing the cake closer. "Go on" he couldn't even hide his excitement, face plastered with smiles as he watched you reveal the gender, pink/blue frosting peaking out from the side of the cup.
#geto fluff#gojo fluff#toji fluff#sukuna fluff#nanami fluff#nanami x reader#geto x reader#gojo x reader#sukuna x reader#toji x reader#toji fushiguro#sukuna ryomen#geto suguru#gojo satoru#nanami kento#jjk drabbles#jjk x reader#jjk#𝙳𝚎𝚟𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚎𝙺𝚞𝚗𝚊
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13 Ways Masterlist | Masterlist
I can hear the door close. That much I can process.
But when Nico's face turns the corner into my living room, I know that he's been trying to call out to me. His face is full of concern, although his dark eyebrows crease further than before and his gym bag is abandoned.
It takes less than three strides for him to reach me.
Less than ten seconds for him to have pulled me into his chest, arms wound around my body with a strength I don't think I could ever escape.
But I don't want to. That's the last thing I want to do right now.
"Schatz, what's wrong?" God, I'm worrying him, I hate this.
But the tears are still trailing down my cheeks, a lump the size of the city stuck in my throat. I can't say what he needs me to right now to calm his nerves.
So I had the paper in my hand over, slightly crumbled from my grasp but he still reads it, eyes dragging across the page in a pace I don't think I've ever seen.
"I'm confused," His words rings a moment later, voice soft as he drops the paper, hand that was holding it coming up to cradle my cheek. "What's the paper saying?"
"I-" Talking around this lump feels almost impossible, but I have to. "I've been offered a summer teaching internship working with primary students."
You can tell by the tweak of his cheeks that he wants to smile at the news, but his brows simply crease even more.
"Schatz, this is a great opportunity for you, you should be happy. Why do you look so sad?"
"The program is in London."
He's expecting me to say more, but I'm expecting him to know what I'm referencing.
"Neeks, I'd have to live in London for June to September. We've only been dating for six months, do you really want to deal with going through long distance at all? Especially this early? I mean-"
"I'll come visit."
"You- what? Nico, I can't ask you to do that," He can't just upheave his life every so often to come visit me.
Now he's smiling, a soft thing that makes me want to cry even more.
"Winnie, you're not asking me to do anything. You're going to another country for an amazing opportunity, away from your family. The least I can do as the man who lives an hour and a half flight from London is visit," He's reasoning, sounding far too reasonable.
"Nico-"
"Plus," He interrupts, hair falling in front of his gorgeous eyes as he leans in and kisses my forehead, he pulls away only slightly whispering against the skin, "I'd miss you. Away games are bad enough, but months? I can't let that happen."
I can't help the slight smile that starts up, the saltiness of tears invading from their streaks.
Neeks hands both reach for my cheeks, rough thumbs rubbing against the tears that were left.
"Would you really do that? Travel to be with me?"
He knows he's sold me now.
"You travel to support me, of course I would travel to support you. Only if you want me though."
It's not even a question as I lean in, connecting our lips for just the slightest peck. "I would love that more than anything."
#the writing of spencer rose#original character#nhl fanfiction#nico hischier x oc#nico hischier#13 ways he says i love you
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here's a recap if you don't wanna watch! (spoilers!)
starts on the duet, basically unchanged from the con preview clip that I could tell
cut to the CHERUBs who are stuck on Earth and scamming people for money, the purple deer one has reservations but the other two are losing their morals. they get captured by DHORKs who have now got massive government funding I guess because they captured demons on tape? anyway they're working on this stargate-like portal to Hell and can only make a little one so they give the CHERUBs robot suits to go through and kill IMP for them (also DHORKs have a line of...pope robots? idk why they looked like that, I guess holy=hurts demons?)
cut back to office, Blitzo is dressed up for night with Stolas but is only enthused about having sex with him. He's also happy that Stolas has been letting him have months off (lol) but gets nervous about the business when Loona says Stolas pulling away means he's bored of him
he goes looking around town for more sex toys to impress Stolas with while CHERUB tail him, thinking he's gonna kill a human soul on earth with the things he buys. He goes to Fizz who gives him a massive sex toy which was blurred out so idk what it was supposed to be (Fizz calls him buddy! also there's definite sexual tension when Fizz shows him some blindfolds but it's a very small thing in Blitzo's animation so we're probably not supposed to read much into it)
CHERUB see massive sex toy, assume murder weapon and are gonna fight Blitzo when IMP get in the way. they'd been tailing Blitzo so he doesn't mess up (and I quote) "their meal ticket" [Stolas]. fight ensues, Blitzo comically doesn't notice it's going on right behind him, etc. IMP beat CHERUB and throw them back through earth portal
scene where Blitzo & Stolas talk finally happens. Blitzo tries to impress Stolas with sex toys, Stolas retreats to book shelf and gives him crystal. Blitzo is confused & desperate not to lose book during this scene, even saying 'I'll do anything'. Stolas says full moon deal was wrong, shouldn't have bound Blitzo to him, doesn't say he's sorry directly or apologize for using Blitzo's class to get sex out of him, doesn't apologize for using him being shot at to do it.
Blitzo assumes Stolas is doing roleplay and tries to join in and Stolas immediately gets offended and leaves the room, telling Blitzo (who follows) that he's hurt Blitzo assumed it was a sex thing and he wasn't sincere. pacing wise this happens pretty quick, like Stolas literally just dumped this all on him (which Blitzo points out)
Blitzo gets mad and yells at Stolas for treating him the way he did his servants, calls him an asshole (doesn't get to call him out for the whole 'leveraged my life being in danger' thing though...typical...)
Stolas immediately breaks down in tears and is all like 'I think so highly of you but you think so low of me!' and uses magic to dump Blitzo at his front door right as it sounds like Blitzo is trying to say 'Stolas, I'm sorry' (kill me)
smash to end credits, no music
He's also happy that Stolas has been letting him have months off (lol) but gets nervous about the business when Loona says Stolas pulling away means he's bored of him
they'd been tailing Blitzo so he doesn't mess up (and I quote) "their meal ticket" [Stolas]. fight ensues, Blitzo comically doesn't notice it's going on right behind him, etc. IMP beat CHERUB and throw them back through earth portal
God that’s fucking. horrible. they’re all complacent in their ‘friend’ being pimped out and only care about themselves, not him. Abuse enablers. I swear to fuck it’s only striker the “villain” who says he’s treated like a plaything and deserved better??? CHRIST. The entire world literally revolves around making stolas happy and if you make him unhappy your world is over. I hate this bastard but now I find the rest of IMP disgusting as well. They don’t give a fuck about blitz and shouldn’t bother pretending they can point out his flaws to him, while this is who they are. The show admitted he’s been extorting him for sex, conveys the pressure he’s under to give stolas whatever gratification he wants so he and his family can stay alive, has him lash out at the manipulation, but then because he made stolas cry, he’s wrong.
But again, this is all part of Medranos theme that poor people and minorities are bad, scheming, thieving people, and white men are misunderstood, need love, have so much on their shoulders, and are so wronged by the world.
ANYWAYS
ROBOT BATTLE ROBO FIZZES VS EARTH ROBOTS Trust.
Kindve sad missed opportunity for fizz to interact with MnM and Loona. Id want it to be a slow paced scene over a random skit or worse, offscreen meeting.
The Cherubs were massively shoe horned in.
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⚠️SPOILERS(? Full moon ⚠️
Blitz is obviously not good with feelings and sticks to what he knows, Things that makes him feel safe and it's obviously, hearing Stolas tell him that and along with what Loona said earlier made him feel unsure and confused and even it's not the same, the truth is, Blitz wanted to see Stolas and he cared about making a special night (in his own way). He needs to see everything like that, as a deal or a business, bc otherwise knowing that he feels something and is vulnerable would be 2 much for him, Blitz has been through a lot, he hates himself and the fact of accepting that someone has real and beautiful feelings for him scares him, so... he handles it as best he can and avoids what he thinks will hurt him.
Btw, i'm such a Blitzy apologist 🩷 my baby is just traumatized.
#full moon#blitzø#helluva boss blitz#stolas x blitz#helluva boss#helluva blitzo#blitzo#hellaverse#stolitz
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Most Sherlock Holmes adaptations: I don't even know what sex is, it is abhorrent to me, I'm not interested in the slightest, I'm a cold calculating machine no I don't even know what a women looks like please leave me alone, I don't do sex-
Elementary Holmes: Love having a good fuck. I enjoy two women at once sometimes. I'm very good at it too- in fact, most of the women in my life I have converted into prostitutes, which they're okay with, and I have entire relationships built solely on sex. Couldn't live without it. Did I tell you about the time the girl I hooked up with the first time we met turned to be a psychopathic murderer?
#elementary sherlock is wild#they spend so long reminding us that he's not on drugs any more#to prove that he's just#like that#elementary sherlock is the weird cousin who laughs at a funeral#and tries to get married at every wedding#not hating on it by the way I'm just confused#sherlock holmes#sherlock#acd#cbs elementary
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tfw when you write an entire novel with two protagonists that spent the entire plot getting closer to each other, becoming best friends and eventually both of them deciding they would rather die than allow the other to not live a long, fulfilling life, their friendship carrying most of the emotional weight of the entire plot and the emotional climax being one of them sacrificing his life so the other can live and then the other crossing literal universes to find him, a tearful smile in his face as he confesses how much he missed him. which is the scene you wanted to write and show the most because, again, this is the pay off to the slowburn you've been writing in the entire novel and what everything has been building up to since the very first chapter. and then you end the novel by having them share a smile, finally confident they'll be able to have a happy future.
but you also just gotta have one of them marry offscreen because everyone knows you can't be happy if you're not in a het marriage with kids lmao it's whatever it's okay i'm fiNE-
#i talk a lot <3#the greatest estate developer#lloyd frontera#this post was going to be so much more bitter this is me being nice akjshdkahdk#i just....... i'm sad alsjdsjkal#and i don't think i'm wrong to be. like i'm not disapointed bc i don't actually expected lloyd and javier to be together#i'm not that optimistic lmao#but i did have the hope tged would have no romance#because lloyd and javier were already doing so much in the emotional and relationship development front of the plot#that adding romance just feels. awkward. like an aside. an add-on that affects none of the plot and is just there to make sure#no one accidentally gets confused and think those two are in love#and guess what! most of the romance does happen in literal side stories! literally an add-on that does nothing for the plot! i hate it!#it's the heteronormativity and amatonormativity of it all :/#do i think it would've been cool for llojavi to be canon? absolutely! do i think it was necessary for the plot? nope!#they were already perfect the way they are! their friendship is the core of the entire plot and their relationship to each other#is what ultimately moves much of the plot in the latter half!#which is the way relationships should work in fiction! not just have them for the sake of having them!#lloyd didn't need a romantic subplot because the plot was already working perfectly without it!#also what's the point of having a character constantly think about what their idea of 'happy life' is if you're not going to challenge it#it's about the hero's journey of it all!!!#i have things to say dang it!#javier asrahan#tged
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#svsss#scum villains self saving system#shang qinghua#how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg#I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg#how nice it would be to not exist#everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate#time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times#I haven't felt real in most of those years either#Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times#tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias#I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it#but at the same time I really want to do more too#I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person#and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig#I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg#priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore#idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things#like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing?#Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything#I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me#I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha#ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so#chug chug going along#I also have to make wushi before I die. haha#god my life is so empty#what am I even doing#I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this?#so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much#I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more
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