My experience being wrong about multiplicity

Hi. For a year and a few months more, I believed I was a system. Why did I believe this, and what are some reasons I did, as well as how I realized I was wrong? Why I thought I was a system Around September of 2021, I labeled myself as an endogenic median system. Upon finding the system label, I did nowhere near enough research before labeling myself as one. It felt like the non-traumagenic community didn't care; if you thought you were a system, you were one! If you didn't, you weren't. It felt black and white. Eventually, I realised I had trauma I was unaware of, and switched to the label traumagenic. I was no longer median, either. In less than a year, I had 100+ "alters", almost all "fictives". While this can happen, I don't believe I was nearly as stressed as I would have needed to be, and just.. didn't feel right. Other factors that lead me into the belief I have multiple other disorders. Specifically, I suspect I have BPD, and the dissociation, mood swings, sense of emptiness, and identity issues impacted me a lot. I mistook these symptoms for OSDD-1. I subconsciously started sectioning off parts of my identity, and felt more and more separate- hence the switch from median to multiple. I am also fictionkin and polymorph otherkin. Around 20 of my "fictives" ended up being kins. I am also, to put it simply, lonely. I never feel like I fit in. In the system community, sometimes I DID feel like I fit in. When I didn't, someone else was "chilling in cofront". A lot of them were like imaginary friends to make me feel less alone. Those ones don't even feel like a part of me, but they're not separate people, either. They're just.. figments of my own imagination. To be honest, I've felt much lonelier upon learning I am a singlet. How I realized I was wrong Honestly, it was somewhat obvious. Many of my "headmates" felt like they were a part of me, and if we had different bodies, it wouldn't be the same- because they were me. I also subconsciously started to copy symptoms I didn't have, I switched as I wanted, I was fictive heavy- which can happen, but it's rarer than people realise. My trauma was not severe or repetitive. I could go on. A big problem in the system community is the "everyone is valid" mentality; I believe MUCH more research should be done before labeling as a system, and not enough people talk about it. Another issue is that not a lot of people talk about being wrong, and personally, I was terrified to tell people I was wrong. It's fucking difficult. There's too much "you're valid! you're valid! you're valid!" and not enough "hey, it's okay if you're wrong!". When I panicked around the time I realized I was wrong (and denied it for weeks), I never received an "it's okay if you're wrong". All I got was "hey, calm down, you ARE a system". I think the community has a lot to fix. This has fucked up my dissociation issues and identity problems worse than they were before. I wish I had realized I was a singlet sooner or never jumped into this label. Not all of these mean you're a singlet, but if you relate to this, please be open to the idea of being wrong. Thanks for reading this. Please share this- my goal with it is to help others. Have a good day/night, drink some water, and know that it's okay to be wrong. ☆

so I don't have DID or OSDD, i know this for a fact, but I do have multiple people in my head. I consider them to be separate entities from myself. They are real people with some level of autonomy. I know I don't have DID/OSDD because i have no memory loss, plus they make my life better and help me deal with stuff, and how can it be a disorder if it makes things better? but like, where did they come from then? like idk man. I don't know what to think about them.

oh you definitely don’t need did/osdd in order to be a system. there are tons of ways plurality can form or manifest, and ultimately it will be up to you and your system to learn your origins for yourselves.

some folks have headmates that just showed up spontaneously. it really is possible to be a system both without an extensive trauma history, and without consciously trying to create a system. here’s a few types of plurality that don’t involve trauma or conscious creation off the top of our heads (all hyperlinks head to pluralpedia):

gateway systems - your headmates could be walk-ins who walked in

protogenic - your system might have always existed

imagian - your headmates might have started out as imaginary friends who became plural later

spontaneous - your system may have just formed spontaneously (to us this seems like an umbrella term but we’re not sure of many origin labels that fall under it, sorry)

endogenic - an umbrella term for systems formed without trauma playing a role

for learning about different types of plurality, we do recommend pluralpedia, a community driven plurality wiki.

learning about your own system and plural origins isn’t always easy, and may seem like an uphill battle. take your time and don’t push yourselves too hard - ultimately it’s fine if you don’t ever want to question or consider your plural origins. it’s enough for you all to simply exist as plural, as a system.

of course, if y’all continue to try and learn more about yourselves/your origins, we’re sending positive vibes and hope your journey of self-discovery is smooth and insightful :)

Median as a persona metaphor.

Median is described as being in between singlet and plural/multiple. Many median systems describe themselves: "they (their facets) are me and I am them."

"A median system may be comprised of a core identity with many different facets, or personality states, to said identity, or it could lack any core identity and shift between facets alone."

"The system mates in a median system often do not consider themselves fully separate from one another, either in identity or in functioning."

"entire ideologies and agendas can shift and change between facets."

http://healthymultiplicity.com/loonybrain/Info/median_article.html

This called to muir mind Persona, the video games, especially number 4. "I am thou, thou art." We put on each of our facets like we do a persona and a mask. This does not mean we are acting or faking being a system. Each persona has a distinct personality and likes but they still work together for the good of the body. Each persona gets put on when the body needs that certain aspect.

It does us good to accept every part of ourselves. We can accept even the bad, or wrong desires or persecutors. This does not mean we let them do whatever they want. We establish communication and boundaries.

My system is a system called personas or masks of personas. I am not faking or acting however I call them personas because they are each apart of me. They are in the literal and median sense multiple personalities. Not in the way that they are separate beings in here like plurals but they are different distinct aspects and personas.

That is how my median experience is a persona metaphor.

Asking for scientific evidence of non-disordered non-traumagenic systems is in fact anti-endogenic.

(-Rift)

(Anti endos and sysmeds dni, singlets and traumagenics don't clown if you interact)

Intro Card #1: Kirokuh

🌧️🖤🐦‍⬛👁️

names Callum, Cal, Kirokuh

prns he/him/it/star

roles previous host, unknown roles

species eldritch creature

sections/sisasystems raine co. offices / voidiel

• ⟨ ⌈ ⁂🌧 ⌋

THE GREAT PAPYRUS!!! | emote dump

emotes made for our papyrus fictive! fictionkins, doubles and singlets please feel free to use these as well! (PRO)ENDOS, DNI!

[alt; userbox reads "this system has mostly non human alters]

'Safequeer' mfers when people are queer in a way they don't like:

[GIF ID: a toy decor skeleton getting absolutely eviscerated in a blue shredder with silver blades. Said skeleton looks like it's thrashing and flailing about as it slowly gets consumed. End ID]

Also, while we’re here:

Not all non-disordered systems are non-traumagenic. Trauma-formed systems can and do exist without also having DID/OSDD/etc.

Not all non-traumagenic systems are non-disordered.

A systems ORIGINS, a system’s FUNCTIONING, a system’s DIAGNOSTIC STATUS, and a system’s SPIRITUAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL BELIEF can all be very different things. 

Ie, you can have 

a trauma-formed system that isn’t disordered and isn’t dxd with anything, who see themselves in a spiritual light

a non-traumagenic system that is disordered, is diagnosed with DID, who see themselves in a psychological light

and many other combinations!

Please stop using DID/OSDD/etc as a synonym for “trauma-formed”.

Please stop using traumagenic as a synonym for disordered.

Please stop using non-traumagenic as a synonym for non-disordered.

Please stop assuming all trauma-formed systems see themselves purely psychologically, and all non-traumagenic systems see themselves purely spiritually.

The plural community, on all sides, is so rich and diverse. Community support, and an individual system’s needs, are not always so easily divided into two very small boxes.

Polyfragmented

Polyfragmentation is when a DID system has many parts, at least 1 subsystem and complex splitting patterns

Flag made by Saturn !!

Reclaimed??? The only times I've ever seen the most commonly used flag the uploader was pro endo, the flag is also on pluralpedia which is a very pro endo site, so this might be a reclaiming

If not this can just be an alternative flag !!

[ENDOS DNI]

Pinterest link

systems. isnt it so cool that we have friends built in,,, we're literally so cool???? why do singlets think being plural is a bad thing????? why would you wanna be a singlet??????

Traumagenic system here!! This is a genuine question, not meant to be a jab or anything!! We are fairly new to the online side of plurality, and often see servers or blogs either not welcome endogenic [?] systems, or they will ask YOU if you support them and if you do you arent welcome. My response has been that we will support them IF there is legitimate sources backing the possibility of their exsistance, simply because 1, that is true we will and 2, because we dont know much about them? NOW THE QUESTION!! um do you have any source that is backed where we could read about other types of systems that ARENT traumagenic? we saw people say there ARE these sources, so we genuinely would love to read them and were wondering if you have any!!

not many as of yet, though there’s a study aiming for 2024 completion that is examining multiplicity without trauma in young people. we’re excited to view the results of this study! there’s also this one interesting and legitimate article on paromancy (called tulpamancy in the study) by samuel vessiere. oh, and this study on writers, exploring how oftentimes writers’ characters will act as independent agents in their own minds (so basically plurality without trauma).

endogenic plurality hasn’t really been studied all that much. a big reason why we think that is, is because for many (if not most) nontraumagenic systems, their plurality is a metaphysical, imagined, or spiritual experience. and these things really cannot be proved by science. lots of people may claim to have loads of research proving endogenic systems exist, but once you get into the articles, it seems like most of those papers either already assume endogenic plurality exists without proving it, or claim to have proof backed with poor research. so those three papers right now are the only academic studies we have that we’re confident in.

does that mean these folks are lying about their experience, or that they’re not actually plural or multiple? absolutely not. what it does mean, is that those who say “i won’t believe you until there’s scientific proof you exist” will likely be waiting forever, all the while dismissing and disrespecting their fellow systems who experience plurality in a different way.

for lots of people, merely having imaginary friends makes them feel plural. others liken their headmates to spirits, ghosts, or deities.

will science ever prove that imaginary friends, ghosts, spirits, or gods exist? likely not. does that make it okay to disregard those who are religious, or who have active imaginations? not really.

this is why we believe fully in endogenic plurality without much research proving it exists. if someone tells us they’re plural, we believe them. folks just existing as they are doesn’t really harm anyone, least of which traumatized systems like us.

those who attack traumagenic systems, or who purposefully spread false information, however, are a different story. for the most part, though, endogenic systems do not behave this way. there are a few loud voices in endogenic spaces which are harmful, but these individuals do not speak for the endogenic community as a whole, even if they think they do.

something that i remember hearing from our therapist that i’d like to pass on is:

you shouldn’t have to understand others in order to treat them with decency and respect. as a white system, we will never be able to understand what it’s like to be a person of color. as a traumagenic system, we will never be able to understand what it’s like to be endogenic. that doesn’t give us an excuse to be unkind or disrespectful, or to dismiss those who aren’t the same as us. it’s still on us to treat people with kindness and respect, even and especially if they experience the world in ways we will never understand.

hope this helps. sorry it was so long.

🐢 kip and 👻 ghost

endos are not ableist :)

Just saw a post of someone complaining about how "glorified" talk about systemhood (or more spesifically, DID/OSDD, cuz theyre anti-endo) is online

... and then venting about how awful their system expirience is

Imagine if all you saw online about systemhood, were people venting about how awful this disorder is and how hopeless they feel, this disorder THAT YOU CANT GET RID OF EVER

Just imagine it, imagine if you didnt have an arm and there was nothing empowering, nothing engouraging, nothing loving online about that, only people saying how awful it is.

Its no wonder anti-endos are so angry and depressed, they surround themselves with people who hate positivity about their own disorder, a disorder they'll never truly get rid of, thats like hating the fact you are cursed to feel emotions and when anyone mentions how good happiness can feel you go "OH WELL I AM SAD AND ANGRY AND I WISH EVERYONE ONLY TALKED ABOUT THOSE EMOTIONS!"

Like bro, chill, youll have DID/OSDD in your grave, learn to glamorize it, learn to love parts of it, yes, you'll never be "normal", so find a community of people who arent "normal" so you can feel normal among them.

-Host

Host drew this of myself and a friend system's Bive. I think he's rather neat! Lyrics are from Touch-Tone Telephone by Lemon Demon.

@dragonsden-system

[alt; userbox reads "this system loves their partner system"]