#no wonder I can't fucking write anymore I'm just too sad all the time
Text
It's astounding how one thing can ruin your entire day and destroy your entire emotional state.
#every single fucking time i try to apply for something i get ghosted or rejected#like i fucking get it i have no value or place in society you can stop throwing it in my face already#and every single time my whole family is just all ''you just have to keep looking you'll find something it'll be fine''#fuck right off with that shit#it's gotten to the point that I'm sobbing in my bedroom because I got rejected by the fucking aldis down the street from my house#and for a fucking part time position at that. I get it. i didn't work until college then only worked on campus. and went to school for music#but i have too much anxiety to be a teacher and am just not that kind of person. i have no skills or experience so fuck even trying for#anything even remotely halfway decent#I haven't worked in over a year since I graduated and the longer it gets the harder it is to get back into working yknow?#your value just decreases every fucking second so no one will give me the time of fucking day#i kinda had a job for like a fucking week last month that I didn't even want I was pushed into it and I hated it and cried so much#every day I actually almkst made myself sick from the crying and intense anxiety and then a week in they were like hey we like you and all#you're a good person and a very nice girl you're just no right for here so we're firing you essentially. so now I'm even more fucked#I've never felt more lost and more like the universe had no place for me anymore#and being in singing in the rain at my community theater was the only good thing I had in my life where I felt I had a place again#but the show's over now so I'm back to having nothing and nowhere and just don’t know what to do anymore#no wonder I can't fucking write anymore I'm just too sad all the time#abby's self deprication hour#abby's serious corner#I did make some progress in the mario crossover the other day when I felt pretty good actually though so that's something right?#I'm trying I really am
1 note
·
View note
Text
this is a such first-class whine from a lower-middle-class citizen, but hear me out. the covid era has been dogshit (precursor, not the point lol). it killed, (further) divided and frightened us. the final kick in the nuts is that we really don’t benefit from any of the Panaceas for Shit Life anymore. the puppet masters have tightened the purse strings and made everything unaffordable. and what IS left that is affordable is just...crap. shite, even. have y’all noticed how mediocre stuff like cheap junk food/takeout is now? most forms of media? the stuff meant to distract and soothe us average jobhavers from going bonkers in the hamster wheel.
6+ years ago, we all at least all knew a few cheap, bomb and reliable places to eat out once in a while. a treat. you could eat takeout on a friday night while picking a reasonably well produced and thought-provoking movie from the one major, well organized streaming service (that cut your tv bill to $7/month, wahoo!). you might even partake in some say, drugs/alcohol to get a little silly with it. maybe you were more of a dine-out person, and made a night of it with friends. you had a good time and didn’t have to forgo groceries that week to make up for it.
now, the food and tv is boldly served, expensive ass. you can’t afford drugs, a book is $50. hobbies take up precious time and energy. ANY service you need is slow and unresponsive. people are tired. like, this is not the depression talking! things are worse, more expensive sure, but why couldn’t they have at least remained the same QUALITEA? why skimp on materials and production?
and then it occurred to me. is it our fault? are the price skyrockets and decrease in the quality of goods separate issues, in fact? one a consequence of opportunistic greed, and the other simply that market forces have determined that we are willing to pay those increased prices for less? the corporation is always experimenting to see what it can get away with. cheaper materials, less concern for our safety, well being, entertainment and enrichment. if we buy them at a certain prices in certain numbers that fit their optimized projections, they sell it. simple as that. are we just accepting the capitalism we think we deserve? or did they just financially ream us so badly that we had no choice to settle for worse product?
#this post is brought to you by the revelation the thought of watching bridgerton gave me#this is the schlock being served nowadays#everything is soulless and laden with social justice in an insincere way#like here have your fucking diversity and representation slayyyyy and shut the fuck up audience!!!!!#but it's bad.#bad writing bad production#there's a lot less critique of The System but again when they have it it's superficial af#like i can't even distract myself by binging tv anymore that is sad#all that's left to do is pirate old stuff#comb the archives#sometimes i wonder if i'm just becoming an old coot but i'm not imagining things#things were significantly better a pretty short chunk of time ago#and the abrupt negative change in just the ability to have small everyday pleasures is giving me whiplash#if feels like a whine because they really make us feel like we barely deserve basic food health and shelter#but we fucking deserve to thrive and feel good too#we deserve a couple of controlled vices if we have to go to work and give up a huge chunk of our lives for them#i have a business degree but i am no economist market forces are so fucked to me#because i am a i would just give you the sandwich type person at heart#i have a lot of internalized capitalism probably but damn even if i was rich i wouldn't want people to struggle so hard#they can be rich and we can be content in our simpler lives they can both happen at the same time#why does it have to be this way????#should i watch bridgerton btw?
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
Okay, so I guess this sits in the realm of Confessions.
I'm thinking about leaving tumblr. I'm not sure what I did or didn't do to cause this, but the people I thought of as my friends or at least closest moots hardly interact with me anymore. My posts, my fics, my reblogs, my comments to them... They are around, I see them on my dash, but...
It all sounds so middle school, but it hurts nonetheless, and I'm pretty sure anything that feels like middle school (even actual middle school) can't be good for anyone.
The thing is, I really love everyone, and I don't want to give up. But going around to literally dozens of peoples DMs to ask, "Do you like me?" "Are we still friends?" "Are you mad at me?" Is again a kind of painful kid trauma thing I just can't quite bring myself to do.
I feel like my time here is just sort of over. I started with little expectation, and to my surprise, I found community, felt well liked and valued, and then, it just sort of went away.
There was a time when I was really happy about my place here, and just that makes me so sad.
You don't have to answer or anything. I think it just feels kind of cathartic to write it down where if nothing else someone else will read it.
Anyway... I guess that's it.
Held on to this for a little bit because my heart aches for you and I want to wrap you in the biggest hug 💕 I felt I could have written something so similar, as so many are relating to this right now.
It’s so hard to not feel like you’re feeling when you see people you’ve connected with slowly pull away from you. It hurts even more when they’re still active but actively avoiding you. That fucking hurts deep.
There was a time when this space felt very welcoming and fun. And while I do still have fun, sometimes it doesn’t feel as welcoming— and I know I’m not the only one feeling this.
Cliques branch off, popularity fuels some to feel like they’re too good to interact with others, the vibe isn’t vibing like it use to. And like you mentioned, it can all make you feel like you’re being thrown back in middle schools wondering why you’re not good enough? What did you do to cause this? What’s the point of even being here in this space any longer?
I’m so sorry this has become your reality. I wish it was a simple fix or there was a perfect solution to make things better. I support whatever decision you make, your wellbeing and mental health matter most— just know this community will be a little less bright without you in it!!
You said I didn’t have to post this, but I want others who might be feeling the same to know they’re not alone at all. There’s a lot of us floating around with the same exact thoughts and feeling like we just no longer belong in this space.
You’re more than welcome to jump in my DMs or continue sending anonymous messages to my inbox if that helps you in any way 💕
Coffee Shop Asks
88 notes
·
View notes
Text
James Potter & Damon Salvatore///Is it another love?
Anonymous request: I love your writing so much I was wondering where you can do a crossover of the vampire diaries and The Marauders the reader is a Marauder and she likes James but he likes Lily she overhears that James would never like her so she goes out to cry and but then she meets Damon Salvatore who comes out from a Time Machine weeks later he takes her to his world since he has fallen in love with her so he tells to leave everything and go with him
“Since Lily doesn't like you, why not go for Y/n? who is also attractive.” Sirius smiles
“Y/n’s beauty is something I agree on, but I only view her as a friend and it would never happen.” James tells him “Because I love Lily.”
Wiping off your tears, you walked away quietly to avoid hearing James rejecting you anymore.
“But Y/n and you make a cute couple.” Remus tells him
“But I only want Lily, can't you guys not understand that?” James crossed his arms angrily
"And why can't you not understand that Lily doesn't like you back.” Sirius fumed “you're missing on a really nice girl like Y/n. I hope you don't regret it when she finds somebody else better than you.”
When you got outside, you started to cry again as you kicked the ground. "Why did I believe that he would like me back? I'm so stupid!! Of course he likes Lily.”
While you cried furiously, you didn't notice a machine falling on the ground and a person coming out of it.
As you stood up, someone asked from behind you, “where am I?” and scared the living hell out of you.
As you attempted to calm yourself down after getting scared by this weird guy with weird questions, you asked “who are you?”
“I apologize for scaring you, I didn't intend to do so. My name is Damon Salvatore.” He smiled as he kissed your hand.
You couldn't help but blush at this cute weirdo guy “My name is Y/n Y/l/n, but why did you ask weird questions?”
He smiles, again “Your name is beautiful just like you. I can't believe it’s my lucky day. I just met the most beautiful girl in the world.”
You smiled at this guy who was not only weird but he’s charming and cute. “Haha thank you but you didn’t answer my question.”
“Beautiful it’s hard to explain, and you’ll laugh at me after I finish telling you.” He tells you
“Why is it hard? You can tell me I promise that I won’t laugh.” You tell him back smiling
He looks at you with a sad look “you will laugh at me and I don’t want to scare you away because you will once I tell you and I know we don’t know each other but I already like you.”
You giggle, "You already like me? How is that possible? If I'm a boring person and it's ok, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to.”
He laughs, "you’re not a boring person. Your amazingness makes everything possible, and I'll reveal my secret to you at a later time.”
"Y/n there you are!!!,We were so worried about you." James glares at Damon, “Why are you conversing with this dumb ass stranger?”
Damon growls, "I don't think it's any of your business unless you're her boyfriend even if you are, you don't have a right to talk to her like that and I have a name boy.”
“He's not my boyfriend, he's just a friend.” You tell Damon with a smile
James looked at you shocked that you would say that "first Y/n don’t tell strangers about our lives and second of all, I don't need to know your name Mr.”
“James stop it and leave them alone. They were just talking and we rudely interrupted them.” Sirius tells him
James glares at his best friend then he looks over at you "while you were too busy talking to this idiot we were worried thinking that something bad happened to you since you didn't come to the Common room like you were supposed to.”
Damon fumed as he walked past you “Call me something else again and I'll have your ass on the ground.”
"Sirius and Remus take James away before something happens." you tell them as they nodded trying to take him away but James kept pushing them away “the fuck you’re not staying with him if we’re leave your coming with us.”
You give Damon a somber smile. “I have to go with them to avoid trouble because James shouts, but I'm hoping to see you tomorrow.”
He shakes his head, "He should get in trouble not you or your friends but I'm hoping to see you tomorrow as well princess and have a good night.”
You nodded with a smile “thank you and I hope you have a wonderful night as well.”
While walking with them, you rolled your eyes as James shouted at you and asked questions about Damon.”
"Stop rolling your eyes and answer me. Who the fuck is he?” He demands getting in your face
“I will slap you if you keep yelling and swearing at me, and you cannot demand to know his identity.” You told him before leaving
“Y/n,Get back here now!!. We're not done talking yet!!” James yelled out for you, but you flipped him off and kept walking.
James exclaims with frustration, “can you believe her?”
Remus shrugs his shoulders "Well you did go over the line.”
“I was just trying to protect her. I can't do that now?” James questions angrily “He could have done something to hurt her.”
“Yelling and swearing at her is not a way to protect her. It's pushing her away instead.” Sirius explains “and after what you did, I don’t think she’ll want you near or around her.”
“Given what you did, I agree with Sirius that she probably won't want to be near or around you.” Remus adds “Probably not even with us as well.”
With a smile, Lily says, “Y/n, I was looking for you.” The smile she had turned to a frown. "What's the matter?"
"Ask your boyfriend." Anger poured out of you as you walked past her.
Lily asks in a confused manner, "My boyfriend?"
James asks Lily with anger, "Have you seen Y/n?"
"She went in that direction,” Lily points out. "What happened?"
James sighs and thanked Lily before heading in the direction he was instructed to go.
She observes his departure and is irritated because no one is explaining the situation. “Could someone please give me an explanation?”
“James got mad because he saw Y/n and an unknown man talking.” Sirius explains “You know how he is overprotective of her.”
“Sirius, that also sounds like he got jealous.” She tells him with smile
“James doesn’t like her, he likes you”. Remus tells her
“But I don’t see him like that because I really like somebody else.” She confesses
“Is it Snape?” Sirius tease her with a smirk
“Maybe”. She blushes as she shrugs her shoulders “but I do hope that one day, Y/n and James end up together.”
“Y/n we didn’t finish talking.” James grabs your arm
James' hand is removed from your arm by you. “We have concluded.”
“I was just trying to protect you from him who could have hurt you, can't you see?” He fumed
You rolled your eyes, “You need to worry about Lily instead of me.”
“You are the focus, not Lily.” He huffed
“The conversation we had is irrelevant to me now, it's concluded.” You walked off.
Damon comes out of the machine with a smile as everyone asks him questions “I just saw and met the most beautiful woman in the world.”
"Brother, what are you talking about?" Stefan looks at him with confusion
With a grin on his face, Damon gazes upon his brother, “Y/n Y/L/N is the most stunning woman I have ever met."
Elena laughs, “Babe, I'm speculating that your brother came across a stunning woman when he went to another world.”
Stefan laughs too "I think you're right because right now he's being stupid and not listening.”
“what should we do?” Caroline asks
“I think let’s leave him alone for a second and he’ll probably tell us later.” Elena replied
Caroline rolled her eyes "why later? I want to know about the mystery woman that got the demon in love? Oops, I meant Damon.”
“I have a name and the mystery woman that got me in love is Y/n I already told you guys.”
Caroline crosses her arm in frustration "We all know that, but we want to know who she is.”
Damon smirks, “you’ll soon have the chance to meet her because I'm thinking of bringing her into this world.”
“That’s not saying much.” Caroline grumbles
After what happened last night, you been ignoring James who has been trying to talk to you since the morning
“Why are you so moody Prongs?” Sirius asks pretending to not know what got his best friend in a bitchy mood
“Because Y/n is not talking to me.” James grumbles as he rolls his eyes
“After what transpired last night, why should she?” Sirius defends you “You're my best friend, but she's also my best friend. What you did was wrong.”
“I'm apologetic for trying to safeguard her. Perhaps in the future, I'll keep my mouth shut.” James storms off
“James, come back.!!!That wasn't what I intended to say.” He ignores Sirius' call out.
James dropped to his knees on the grass as he let out tears "I'm so sorry Y/n for the things that I have done.”
“James,be patient with her right now. She's upset, but eventually she'll forgive you.” Lily tells him
“You think so?” he asks with hope on his face
“Of course!!!” She smiles
Outside, you were waiting for Damon who sent you a letter to meet him here “there you are my princess.”
You blushed "so I read your letter and it said that you have a surprise for me
He looked at you with hope but scared at the same time “promise me you won't get scared or try to run once I take you to my city and tell you what I am.”
You give him a confused stare, “I don’t promise anything but okay.”
Damon grabs your hand and leads you to a machine as you look around the machine “you made this cool time machine?”
He laughs as he closes the door and he sits next to you “I wish but actually it was Bonnie my friend, that made this.”
You looked at him with a smiled as you noticed that you and Damon came to a stop and the two of you got out
You were taken aback by the beauty of this city and looked around in shock. “Where are we?”
He smiles at you, "Mystic Fall."
You stare at him in shock. "Mystic Fall?, as they claim, is the location of the supernatural."
He nods and lowers his head. "Indeed, and I am among them."
“What kind of supernatural are you?”
“Vampire.” He says “ I understand if you’re scared, if you want I’ll take you home so you don’t go by yourself.”
You moved closer to him and grabbed his face with a smile. “I’m alright; I'm not terrified or anything.”
With a grin on his face, he grabbed your hands and kissed them. “Okay then, my Princess, let's go meet some individuals.”
"Have you seen Yn? I haven't seen her all day.” James says
“It's probable that she's with Lily or something. End your overprotectiveness. It's both adorable and annoying.” Sirius tells him
"Oh Y/n? She was with the same guy that we saw her with last night and they were having a conversation.”Peter butts in with a smirk
”You gotta be kidding me.”James growls. She didn't listen. She's going to hear from me when she gets back.”
Sirius glares at Peter who stopped smirking then he looks over at James, "Prongs you can't tell Y/n what to do, she's allowed to talk or to hang out with whoever she wants.”
“There's an aspect of that guy that makes me apprehensive about Y/n being around him.” James tells them “But I'll figure it out soon or later, but I will.”
After he laid you on his bed so that you could sleep more comfortably, Damon went back to ask his friends and brother how they felt about you. “So what do you think of Y/n?”
“She's incredible, with a great heart and personality, and she's the perfect match for you, my brother.” Stefan replies. 
“I agree with Stefan that you have never been so happy for a woman before. Since she makes you happy, we support your decision of you and her dating.”
Damon chuckles, "I was going to date her regardless of your approval, but thank you.”
“When do you plan on asking her to leave everything behind and join you in this world?” Caroline asked.
“When she wakes up.” Damon replies
The aroma of pancakes and toast greeted you as you woke up and went to the kitchen to see the Damon flipping the pancakes and he noticed you and gave you a smile
 “Good morning princess, please take a seat and I'll bring you a plate.” Damon tells you
You smile as you sit down. “Thank you and good morning to you too.”
Daman placed your plate next to you as he sat down. "I was wondering if we could talk later?"
You give a nod as you begin cutting your pancakes and eating it “it’s so delicious thank you.”
Damon returns to his seat after taking the plates to the dishwasher. “I'm hoping that what I'm about to ask you won't make you too uncomfortable because you might think it's too soon or that you don't want to do it.”
You smiled “Whatever it is, just tell me.”
Hope is in his eyes as he grabs your hands and he looks at you. “Leave everything behind and join me in my world.”
#the vampire diaries#the vampire diaries x y/n#the vampire diaries x you#the vampire diaries x reader#Damon Salvatore#damon salvatore x y/n#damon salvatore x you#damon salvatore x reader#harry potter#Harry Potter x reader#the marauders x reader#james potter#james potter x y/n#james potter x reader#james potter x you
78 notes
·
View notes
Note
The way almost EVERY single line in YLM can be related to a previous like she wrote about Joe is INSANE. Like YLM is basically the song that would most fit the theme of Midnights (reflecting on the past and integrating it into the present) and guess what? She left it out (for reasons that I understand).
Here we go;
You say I don't understand and I say I know you don't// Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other
We thought a cure would come through in time now I fear it won't// I thought the plane was goimg down, how'd you turn it right around?
Remember looking at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light...now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time// The entirety of Daylight duh
Remember looking at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light...now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time// The entirety of Daylight duh
Do I throw out everything we built or keep it //I am an architect I'm drawing up the plans (I'm reaching here I know)
I'm getting tired even for a phoenix always rising from the ashes // I am ash from your fire
Mending all her gashes // is this the end of all the endings, my broke bones are mending
You might just have dealt the final blow // Darling this was just as hard as when they pulled me apart (these two lines feel so similar to me)
Stop you're losing me (I hope I never lose you) I can't find a pulse my heart won't start anymore// he got my heartbeat skipping down 16th avenue
Every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes// after the storm something was born on the 4th of July
How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying// There's many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough
I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick // I gave SO MANY SIGNS
My face was GREY but you wouldn't admit that we were sick // I don't like anticipating my face in a RED flush (I could write an essay about just this grey/red parallel but nvm)
And the air is thick with loss and indecision//clearing the air I breathed in the smoke
I know my pain is such an imposition // You don't really read into my melancholia // Always taking up too much space or time // I'm not your problem anymore
Now you're running down the hallway // I heard your key turn in the door down the hallway // You were standing hollow eyed in the hallway
And you know what they all say "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" // he better lock it down or I won't stick around 'cause good ones never wait
How long could we be a sad song // each bar plays our song
Till we were too far gone to bring back to life // Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?
I gave you all my best mes, my endless empathy // I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best// After giving you the best I had, tell me what to give after that?
And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier // All the bloodshed, crimson clover // And if I bleed you'll be the last to know // soldier down on that icy ground
Fighting in only your army // I'd sit with you in the trenches
Frontlines don't you ignore me // I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me
I'm the best thing at this party // best believe I'm still bejeweled when I walk in the room, I can still make the whole place shimmer
And I wouldn't marry me either // She would've made a lovely bride // I'd marry you with paper rings // all they keep asking me is if I'm gonna be your bride // the entire bridge of Lover
A pathological people pleaser // what a shame she's fucked in the head // mirrorball tm // my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism
Who only wanted you to see her // Walking with his head down, I'm the one he's walking to
And I'm fading thinking DO SOMETHING BABE // Some boys are trying too hard he don't try at all though
SAY SOMETHING // You don't ever say too much
LOSE SOMETHING BABE RISK SOMETHING // this ain't for the best
CHOOSE SOMETHING BABE I'VE GOT NOTHING TO BELIEVE // stood on the cliffside screaming "give me a reason"
i have nothing intelligent to say but I LOVE THIS, let's discuss
76 notes
·
View notes
Text
This is hilarious and fateful
I saw the episode, and I never really thought that wasting time like this would be a suffering that lasted too long. I'm going to get good and bad things from what I saw
first for good, okay?
1. The deaf imp
In itself, I was very surprised by this character and to tell the truth I can consider him better than the other deep and sad Pseudos that only serve to make the panties get wet because of the Fujoshits, and it is something that in this program is seen very little or is scarce in Yes, it made me tender that Fizz treated him well.
2. Fizz and Asmodeus' relationship
What can we say, the relationship itself is healthy, and superior to many of both series and when Asmodeus protected Fizz it is something nice on his part, not like a certain owl who is only interested in the red cock who is a tremendous fucking creep unable to defend his """"little""", this relationship is one of the few salvageable things in this series
Now with the bad things
3. The songs
For the love of God... why? All the songs seem forgettable and super stupid to me, it seems that the only thing this chapter does is create time and necessary filler that will never contribute or amount to anything
4. The imp hater by fizarolli
This was expected, it doesn't surprise me much to tell the truth... just imagine that you are so hurt by harmless criticism of your program that you only hope for a good change and to be guided to do a good deed, but you prefer to spend and overexploit the Poor workers who only want some money to encourage your resentment in a lively way, this is ridiculous and makes others feel sorry for Viviana Medrano
5. Mammon
This is the first most annoying, loudest and most obnoxious thing I've ever seen followed by Chaz, the only thing he knows how to say is pure rudeness in every damn sentence, it's a fucking audiovisual blister that seems to never end, apart from the cringe I feel about it, the Deadly sins of this show will never be taken seriously and more that sexist phrase about "Women are not funny" and then you're dead... Damn you Medrano bitch, can't you at least respect a simple woman even if she has a tertiary role in your shitty program? (And ironic why you make penis jokes and swear words to wait for someone to laugh and praise you)
6. I HOPE THEY FUCK YOU BLITZ
Is it really necessary to put Blitz in every episode? For the love of God, am I already sick of listening and seeing that red cringe guy making those embarrassing faces and hearing his voice why can't I listen to Brandon normally anymore without remember this abusive and manipulative guy swearing!? They shoehorned this guy in just to get "laughs" and make him stick to Fizz when he was given the biggest tragedy of his life
7. Good vs bad, hAha tHeY aRe RiGht wHy tHEy aRe nExT To thE bOyS aNd uwu sOfT
As always, our wonderful writing writing the bad characters, like the black ones in this Turkish soap opera and making them caricatures for mockery and portraying them as the soft boys and uwu the good ones. These characters are already predictable, if there is a soft and sore young gay uwu, he will be the good one because he is the soft and sore young gay uwu and we are all forced to take his side, while those who have the potential to be good villains like Striker, you position them as silly, cartoonish and you are the generic antagonist of a series for children under 6 years old, for example Asmodeus against Mammon
It's good that the views are getting lower and lower, so soon we won't be able to stand this series in decline and the next more ridiculous, repulsive, mediocre, cringe and pathetic chapter written by a ridiculous, mediocre, cringe, pathetic, misogyny, sexist, Transphobic , racist, xenophobic writer who only ruined her own work so that her little friends the Fujoshits (I already saw you SatorRojas, TeaTheKook and Dani) get their panties wet and buy more panties again to get them wet because they can't stand two boys together
#anti stolitz#helluva critical#helluva boss critical#vivziepop critical#helluva boss fandom critical#vivziepop criticism#helluva boss critique#blitzo#Helluva boss
79 notes
·
View notes
Text
BOOK 7 SPOILERS BELOW
I finally decided to suck it up and catch up with twst book 7, I stopped after seeing Silver cry because I'm sCARED OF BEING SAD 😭😭 anyway here's a few reactions I had to it 😭
And hearing about the update coming soon-ish to ENG servers I really need to read up
Lilia pressuring Epel like the old man he is 😭😭 I love the moments that they remind us just how old Lilia actually is and how he sees most if not all the students as if they were his children/grand children, making sure they get the most out of the party and drink...its giving "What do you mean you're not hungry? Absolutely not. Here Is at least 5 servings of whatever dish I made to help u grow big and strong."
Okay I didn't take a screen shot of it but the entire section where Lilia looked kind of guilty with Ortho about exchanging addresses because you just KNOW he probably isn't gonna check in, presumably because he doesn't want anyone to get More attached to him seeing as he is nearing the end of his life span (crying shaking throwing up)
THIS. THIS. THIS INTERACTION HE HAD WITH US. I LOVE HIM. I AM SO SILLY FOR HIM. I totally forgot I changed my in-game name from my nickname to my REAL name and when he said my name I verbally yelled "WHAT THE HELL" before giggling and kicking my feet hehehehe I'm clinically insane for him
But the fact that he acknowledged us as Malleus friend probably means we've spent a lot of time at the dorms or around Lilia for him to see how our friendship and interactions with him work, and it melts my heart hehe. Being part of the diafam fr. But honestly bro back me up, I'm tired of being called a hench-human 😭💀
I wonder just how bad we must look with everyone noticing the strange shift??? Either we REALLY made a scene (tripping over, going pale) or the twst boys are just that attentive to us and I think that is the sweetest thing ever 😭😭 Ace and Deuce is so sweet for thinking of us and trying to get us out while also being polite to the people who kindly held the party. Despite not being there long, ace and deuce is willing to skip out on free food and drinks in order to make sure you're okay and I'm just 😭😭 ANGELS. I LOVE THEM.
But also the way Lilia worries for you is so sweet 😭💜 I should write a fic of sick reader and Lilia, or reader trying to tough it out because I know for a FACT Lilia would not let that slide! (Hypocrite 😐)
I ACTUALLY DROPPED MY JAW WHEN SEBEK SAID THIS SHIT. I WAS. WHAT. WHAT THE HELL LMFAOOOOO 😭 thats fucking insane bro I actually found myself chastising him thru the phone, I would NOT let that discrimination against humans bullshit pass fr 😭 slap him right upside the head and give him a stern talking to. I like seeing Lilia get frustrated, he's so cute and UGH. Although it went in one ear out the other, Seeing Lilia mad is so hot if I'm being real with y'all rn BUAHAHA.
I didnt screen shot this either (and I can't fit anymore photos on this post smh) but Silvers nose being red and obvious he was crying but Lilia confused. DudE OF COURSE he was crying!!! You're his dad!! You raised him since he was a baby, he's just now going into adulthood and doing that WITHOUT HIS DAD who is going to a far away land! Sure, traveling is a thing , but honestly nothing beats having that support just a moments away. Silver is literally the sweetest and wants to support his dad , but who's going to support him????!?! Lilia is putting him in a position where Silver feels the need to be strong and hide his tears for Lilias sake, but of course this is hard on him, its so sudden, too! Being so close to your parent and next thing you know mere days later they are stripped away from your arms?!
I just want to give them all hugs. Lilia obviously has some issues and misconstrued ideas of love (a million people have made posts and comments on this, so I will not repeat it) and I just. Need them to all sit around and be their mediator while we go thru their emotional states.
Ugh. I was in my twst burnout stage and still low key am, but fuck does it spark so much passion in you 😭😭
#twisted wonderland#etheries rants💜✨#Twisted wonderland book 7#diasomnia#twst#lilia vanrouge#malleus draconia#sebek zigvolt#silver vanrouge
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Just another character in your book"
Part 2 of this
Here is the part 2, haven't had motivation for writing a part 2 lately and I've been super busy. Hope this was worth the wait? I tried to proof read it but I am too tired it's 2am here. I will get to the request rotting in my inbox when I can. I have just been super busy lately and most likely until december. Hope you understand but I try to do the requests asap.
Warning: none, surprisingly
Hope you enjoy ✌️
Walking back into the apartment it filled me with sadness and betrayal. A place I once felt safe and loved, now it felt more cold and fake.
"I-i'll make dinner after I freshen up."
I told Charles as I pulled away from him and rushed to the bathroom in our bed. 'Smells like cheap perfume mixed with sweat.' I said to myself as I noticed 2 used condoms in the trash as I entered the bathroom. 'Guess she wasn't all that if he they only did 2, or did I interrupt?' I asked myself, trying to ignore the thoughts from plaguing my mind.
As I undressed and entered the shower the tears began to flow again, the sobs coming out louder. I opened the shower to try and hide the sounds, hoping he won't hear. But then again, if he didn't hear me enter earlier, he probably can't hear me right n-
"Y/n, you okay?"
My thoughts were cut off by his voice.
"Y-yea, why'd you ask?" I asked trying to sound normal but my voice faltered.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I asked cheerily, hoping it's enough to get rid of him.
"If you say so, I'll skip dinner, I already ate earlier. Sorry." He said apologetically.
"No worries, you don't have to apologize for eating." I said with a chuckle. 'You only need to apologize for doing her on the bed we sleep in.'
"Okay, I'm gonna go shower and chill on the couch."
"Okay."
After our little interaction, I finished showering and dressing myself up. Walking out of the bathroom I see that he changed the bed sheets and the pillow cases. 'So I won't smell the intense session you two had.' I thought to myself with a smile.
I got out of the bedroom to go make dinner for myself. I see him on the couch with the t.v on but he's focused on his phone, laughing and blushing. I caught a glimpse of what was on screen, seeing a name with a heart beside it, and some not so safe for work texts and a video. 'They even recorded it? Wonder how long before it gets leaked, I wonder how everyone will react when they find out everything?'
As I got the ingredients ready, and cooked, I accidentally burned myself on the pan. Not fully concentrated as my mind wondered about the events that occured just some time ago.
"Fucking bitch." I whisper shouted as pain shot up from my fingers. I immidiately ran my hand under cold water.
"Amour? What happened?" Charles asked as he entered the kitchen and walked towards me.
"I-i-i'm fine, j-just made an oopsie, I'm gonna go back to cooking again with more care this time hopefully." I said with a dry chuckle as I avoided him, trying to distance myself from him. I can't stop imagining the things they did.
"Are you sure?" He asked as he tried getting closer. But I end up just hurrying with the cooking, turning the fire on high to cook faster. Luckily I only need to finish up the egg which takes little time to cook.
"Yep." I said as I put the egg on my plate. Along with some fish, beef, and rice.
"You want some?" I asked as I offered him my plate to stop him from advancing to me.
"Okay, What's wrong y/n?" He said as he stopped in his tracks completely looking confused, hurt and annoyed. 'He doesn't really have a right to be hurt, does he?' I asked myself as I began to overthink everything, maybe I wasn't what he needed? Maybe I didn't do it for him anymore? Maybe, just maybe, I did something for him to seek comfort in someone else?
"D-did I d-do somth-thing?" I asked with trembling voice as I looked at him with teary eyes.
"W-what? Of course not, mi amour. You could never do anything wrong." He said in a loving tone as he closed the gap between us and hugging me tight. I hugged him back just as tight as tears began to flow down my cheeks I burried my face on his chest wetting his shirt.
"What makes you say that?" He asked worriedly as he kisses my hair and ruffles it while rocking me side to side.
"Y-you looked a-annoyed." I said but my voice is muffled by his shirt.
"I wasn't annoyed, I was just confused why you were acting like that. Did something happen at work?" 'Not at work.'
"Did I do something?" 'Of course you did.'
I tried to shake my thoughts away as his questions continued. My mind being overrun by guilt and confusion. My emotions being overwhelmed by sadness and anger. Feeling guilty that I am like this, that I made him worry. Confusion as I can't explain why I am feeling like this, why do I feel bad for him, when he hurt me. Waves of sadness hit me as I felt helpless in his clutch, feeling like without him I would be nothing. My mind and everything are all jumbled up, not knowing which is which or what is what. But one thing I know for certain is that, I shouldn't feel this way.
As I gathered myself I pulled back and away from him, removing his arms from around me.
"I-i'll just go eat." I said, trying to hide the hurt from my voice. I removed my apron, put the dishes in the sink and grabbed my plate from the counter and speed walked upstairs towards the guest bedroom.
As I ate in silence, pondering on what to do. I heard Charles on the phone with someone, he seemed to be having a great conversation if you take into account the loud laughters.
"Of course not, mate... Yea, I'll be very careful. Oui, oui okay, I'll see you tomorro, ciao."
As I finished eating I hear foodsteps getting close, and a door opening and his voice.
"Y/n? Where are you? Amour?"
I heard he say as he closed the door and his voice became a bit muffled, after a bit I heard a door open again and close.
"Y/n? Are you okay?"
He said as he tried to open the locked door to the guest room.
"Y-yea, I just wanted to eat in silence is all. Don't worry."
I said in a cheerful tone.
"I feel like you're not okay, y/n." 'Of course I'm not, after what you've done.'
"Can I come in?" 'No, I don't want to fall for you again.'
"I'll be out in a bit, just gotta tidy up." 'Wipe the tears and clean your face don't let him see.'
"Okay, I'll be downstairs, talk to me.. please."
He said with a brief pause before saying the last word in a sad tone.
"I will."
—
After fixing myself I decide to come downstairs to watch the dishes and clean up. Stepping down the final step I see the t.v is off, and a sleeping Charles on the couch with his phone on his hand and unlocked. 'I shouldn't.'
After I clean up everything in the kitchen, I check back on him to see if he's still asleep. He looked so peaceful, with his eyes closed and mouth open a bit. He looked so relaxed, without a worry in the world. I look back at his phone, curiousity winning. I step walk closer to him to take his phone, surprisingly with no resistance. The first thing I saw was his messages with someone, a woman, I saw the messages sent earlier today. Full of pictures of a woman, in lacy undergament thst barely cover her breasts and other parts.
"Are you sure you want this one?
Those look perfect on you.
They would look better in your hands. ;)
I will make you scream my name"
As I read a few of the messages I started to tear up, looking up at the name of the woman, I saw a heart beside it. Scrolling down I began to see pictures and videos, all sent recently. I saw the pictures he sent to her of him in nothing but underwear with a prominent bulge. The tears began to fall, down my cheeks and onto the phone.
"Amour?"
I looked towards the source of the voice, seeing a sleepy Charles rubbing his eyes. His began to show concern after seeing tears falling down my face.
"W-what happ-"
He didn't finish his sentence as he saw what I was holding. I silently gave him back his phone and made my way upstairs to pack all my belongings, which was not much considering he owned the apartment. I packed my shoes, clothes and nessesities that I bought with my own money, not wanting to take anything from him.
"I can expl-"
"It's okay, I knew you could never love true, that you can't be loyal. I mean, you are Charles Leclerc for crying out loud, ladies and men flock to you, they crave even an drop of your attention. They go crazy from a single glance from you, you could get anyone you want. And it appears you chose a new one, I won't make a scene and get angry, I knew what I signed up for the moment I accepted your proposal to be in a relationship with you. I should've expected this, with a body and face like yours I don't blame you. I want to, but my mind won't let me. I will be out as soon as possible, just get to bed and sleep. I hope she is worth it, I hope it won't happen to her. I loathe her, I envy her, but I don't want her to get hurt. Take care of her, maybe she will give you what you want and you won't have to look for anyone else, I hope she will be the last."
I said as my lips quiver and tears fall down freely from my eyes. I began to close my suitcase and bag, all my belongings now with me. I couldn't bare to look at him as my eyes looked at everywhere but him.
"I-i'm sorry, I love you, it was a m-mistake, please please please don't do this. Don't leave."
He said, his voice breaking. And for the first time ever since I said what I said, I looked at him, tears falling down his cheeks as he walked closer to me.
"I don't want to leave, I want to stay b-"
"Then stay, I will cut her off completely, I will the best boyfriend from now on I will try my hardest to earn your love, I will do everything you want. just please..please.. don't leave me. I need you, I lo-"
"I want to believe you and I want to be with you, but, I can't. Holding on will hurt me more than letting go."
I said as I walked closer to him my hands going o his cheeks, the pads of my thumbs wiping away the tears as his hands hold mine.
"D-don't please, I-i-i-i need you, I love you."
"Please, don't say that, because if you really meant it, you wouldn't have to say it to prove it, instead you'd show it you make me believe it."
"I-i-i can prove it, I can show it, please, just stay with me, don't leave. I-i-i need you, please I'm begging you, give me another chance to show you how much I lo-"
"I want to, I really want to give you another chance, but I don't think I can. I've been hurt far too many times by second chances. I really wanna believe you, I want to love you. I want to be with you, but I'm not going to stay with you if it causes me pain, I can't say I wasn't happy with you, because I was, I really did enjoy being with you. But, it's time for me to let go, the song has stopped and the dance has ended."
I said as I hugged him tight and burry my face on his neck, his arms wrapping around my waist tightly, hoping that if he held me tight enough I won't go.
"Please, I can show you happiness, I ca-"
"I know you can, and you have, but. It's time for you to show it to another."
I said as I pulled back, looking at his face that is now red and tear stained, his eyes red and hair a mess.
"It's time I go, it's very late, you should sleep."
I said as I pulled away and went to collect my suitcase and bag.
"One more night, please?"
He asked me pleadingly, hoping I will cave in if he asked me with the way he looks, like a broken man who lost everything.
"I c-can't."
I said as I put on my bag and grabbed my suitcase, and making my way towards the door. I tried to avoid him, to avoid his hands that were reaching out for me. I walked out of the bedroom and onto the living room, looking around one last time to see if I missed anything. With one last inhale and exhale, I made my way towards the main door and went out, I looked back to close the door to see a broken Charles looking at me with sad pleading eyes.
"I'm sorry Charles, I guess I was only another character in your book."
#x male reader#x reader#y/n#gay#formula 1#f1 x male reader#f1 x reader#formula 1 x male reader#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 x y/n#bottom male reader#charles leclerc x m!reader#charles leclerc x male reader#charles leclerc x y/n#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc
124 notes
·
View notes
Note
I would love to know your rankings of the live action (+ podcast) Bruce Waynes. :)
Janie you are one of the best tumblr mutuals anyone could ask for. so reasonable, never absorbed by stupid discourse, so fun to talk shit with. you were also sent from hell to kill me.
disclaimer 1: I'm excluding the 40s Batman serials because I haven't seen them and even I don't love committing to a bit so hard that I'm willing to watch them to make one (1) 5 note post.
disclaimer 2: all of my opinions are right and I'm not interested in arguing with anyone about any of this.
anyway, let's get rolling. as with the Riddler, we'll be proceeding chronologically!
Adam West (Batman '66) - 10/10
the sixties Batman series gets a lot of shit for being excellent, and I for one will not stand for it! its biggest crime is, I think, being itself and having a good time; it's stupid and charming and really funny, and I think Adam West is a rock solid foundation on which to build the show. his Bruce is a freak of the unflinching normie, devastatingly upright and pathologically wholesome while also a bit of a skank. I suspect he's too chummy with Republicans and yet I trust him with my life. I could write entire essays about what's going on with this man's masculinity. also worth noting that Batman 1966 is like, easily my second favorite live action Batman movie of all time. I love him, your honor.
Michael Keaton (Batman 1989 and Batman Returns) - 10/10
my BELOVED. for those of you wondering when I said '66 was my second favorite movie YES, Batman Returns is the first! Michael Keaton's Bruce is a grade-A freak of the week and I want to wrap him in a weighted blanket about it to see if that will possibly calm him down. his films are great because he's used sparingly, something that no fucking Batman movie knows how to do anymore, and it makes the screentime he does have so much more effective. his Bruce/Batman contrast is stunning - his Batman is an unblinking stalwart lunatic in a suit so crunchy he can barely move; his Bruce a charmingly inept sad sack in a sexy little sweater. and I can't even start talking about his dynamic with Michelle Pfeiffer's electric Selina Kyle or we'll be here all day. chef's kiss, Mr. Keaton.
Val Kilmer (Batman Forever) - Kiss From a Rose/10
right off the gate I would like to acknowledge that whatever else I may say about him, Val Kilmer has the most kissable mouth of any Batman. look at him! good for you, Mr. Kilmer!
anyway, I'm gonna level with you gamers: I've made absolutely no secret of my distaste for Batman Forever, which I think is genuinely dumber and worse than Batman and Robin. Kilmer's Bruce is serving us almost nothing; he's a stale whole wheat cracker to whom things are incessantly Happening. he's being aggressively propositioned by Nicole Kidman when he's Batman and by Jim Carrey when he's Bruce; Tommy Lee Jones keeps trying to murder him while giving a performance that would seem absurdly over the top if he weren't right next to the aforementioned Carrey; and he's just adopted a poor little 25 year old orphan with some serious attitude problems. everyone in this film is so much at all times, and between that and Joel Schumacher's intensely questionable direction I don't really blame Kilmer for deciding to say fuck it and make Bruce more of a mannequin than a man. I think there are some intriguing glimpses of the Batman that could have been here and there in his role, but he's ultimately done in by being trapped in an unspeakable clusterfuck of a movie.
George Clooney (Batman and Robin) - Bat Credit Card/10
where West's Bruce sidles through life with a veneer of normalcy that seems to be just barely concealing the potential to throw someone out a window at any moment, Clooney's Bruce genuinely seems like he's got his shit together. he actually seems to be reflecting the character arc he's limped through across three previous films and two recast actors, and as a result is so well-adjusted and fatherly that it's almost unsettling. who is this very normal man? why is dressing up like a bat to fight Austrian Mr. Freeze and drag queen Poison Ivy? surely he should be filing his taxes or going to a parent-teacher meeting to discuss his 30 year old son's behavior in class.
Christian Bale (Dark Knight Saga) - 3/10
real talk, friends: I don't remember Bale's performances that well, because I haven't watched one of his Batman movies since the Dark Knight Rises came out in theaters. I do not recall liking the movie, nor having any particularly favorable reaction to Bale at any point in the trilogy. I always felt his strongest performance was "Bruce Wayne being Batman playing idiot billionaire Bruce Wayne," portraying the pretense of Bruce better than he played either a sincere Bruce or Batman. dare I say it, I don't think Christopher Nolan let him be enough of a weirdo. disappointing underutilization of a man who who is extremely willing to be unhinged. three stars.
Ben Affleck (Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Justice League) - 10/10
I'm just going to say upfront that Ben Affleck's self-written/produced/directed/starred in Batfamily movie is my pop cultural white whale and I'm going to die mad about it, which should probably give you an indication of where this one is going. Batfleck is so perfect to me. that is my baby baby 40-something year old boy with manic depression and homicidal tendencies. is he going through a bit of a grimdark phase? yes. duh. it happens! but he feels soooo bad about it, and he spends the next movie getting bullied by literally everyone to make up for it. he's just so TIRED. this is a Bruce who's SEEN SOME SHIT. he's canonically lost a Robin; he's a grieving dad! he's broken and he's trying and more than any other Bruce I can see him driving around a minivan full of bastard parkour children. every day I miss him.
Robert Pattinson (Thee Batman 2022) - 10/10
when I heard certified real-life freakboy Robert Pattinson had been cast as my personal favorite fictional freakboy I felt hope about a DC movie announcement for the first time in years. and you know what? it was justified. Pattinson is a very specific take on Bruce Wayne that I definitely don't think works in all settings - a Bruce for all seasons he is not. but within his own miserable, wet little Gotham he can do no wrong. I love this pale, pathetic insomniac. I love that he hates eye contact. I love that he barely seems to willing to eat or sleep. I love how obviously confused he is in his attraction to Zoë Kravitz's Selina. I love that after the film's climax we find him covered in filth and working tirelessly to dig civilians out of rubble, offering comfort where he can. I'm so genuinely excited to see this version of Bruce continue too grow. that's my SON.
and since you threw in podcasts for no reason that I can immediately discern
Winston Duke (Batman Unburied) - 10/10
Winston Duke's take on Bruce is so profoundly dear to me. like Pattinson I think he's not exactly an archetypal Bruce but what he's serving is perfect for this universe, not least of all because Duke is voice acting his ass off. his Bruce is warmer and more emotionally vulnerable than most - he tells Alfred he loves him! - while maintaining the requisite cocktail of mental illnesses that makes Batman what he is, which makes him a wildly compelling narrator to ride along with. his Batman voice arrives late in the story but is absolutely worth the wait; Duke is bringing something positively primordial to the Bat that makes you understand instantly why the folks of Gotham might assume he's some kind of inhuman monster (something that also plays well with the fact that Duke's Bruce is, presumably, meant to be understood as a Black man, which puts his vigilante activities and difficult relationship with the police in a very different light than any white Bruce's). cannot wait to get more of him when the blessed second season drops and drills holes in my brain; you've all been warned that I will be unhinged at that time.
101 notes
·
View notes
Note
I never know if I should ask or just send a direct message. But here I am. Hope this is okay!
I was going to comment on your last post, but I had too many words. So, behold! Here are my words!
This is the Astarion/Tav I've been waiting to see. An after game fic where they have to build up from what was started in the game, where they are still working through all the feelings from that traumatic life changing event they all went through. I love this angle of the friendship route, because I too think that he needs friendship and not someone putting any demands on his body and just be there for him. Buuuuut I also see his need to make his own choices and that he may want intimacy, even sexual intimacy, at his own pace. Hell, he obviously wants cuddles and companionship. And the thought of depriving him of that makes me sad. Like big sad.
Also, I want to mention something specific that I feel you are doing so well with Astarion's voice. And it's the ability to turn off his charismatic facade wording he uses and talk in a more comfortable/vulnerable 'him' way, but without making him sound weird. Sometimes, when authors do this, they lose his charm and he doesn't sound like himself anymore. He would still be sly and charismatic and impatient, but not trying so hard as we see him most of the time with his 'honeyed' words. I like how you voice him so much. Is this really first fic you've written? Because I'm floored by your voices and pacing and sexual tension? It's all so good!
Uhhhh, I'm not sure where I was going with this. I just really love your fic. It's great, I can't wait for more.
<3
PS. I hate using honeyed words all the time to describe the way he talkes, but poetical fuck boy words is the only other way I can think of to describe the way he speaks. Maybe I need more coffee.
First off! Thank you not only for this amazingly thorough feedback, but also for dropping a reply on ao3 🥺🩷 usually people will do either one or the other!
Isn't it wonderful how you can just explore the want vs need dilemma with Astarion? It's a common theme throughout his journey with Tav. What he wanted never mattered, and he often mixes what he wants with what he needs, which I find to be very realistic. It happens quite often in real life, too. Sometimes, what we want is not what we need and vice versa. Also, the scars of his trauma are still very much present and since they remained friends, he never really got to heal in terms of intimacy, so it's still very easy for him to slip into that mask of using sweet words and physical contact to establish intimacy. It's all he's ever known, after all.
Oh, that is such a specific and wonderful praise! Voicing Astarion is a challenge, and it's really up to each person to try to write him in a believable way. I am trying my best, but I still feel insecure at times 🥺💔 so thank you so much for saying these reassuring words. It's not my first fic 😅 I was writing for Miguel O'Hara just a couple of months ago and have been reading/writing fanfiction for over 13 years 🥸
"Poetic fuck boy" sounds about right 😅
Again, what an amazing ego booster that just made me open google docs and continue writing the next chapter 🤭🩷
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
₊ ☾⋆ angst dialogue prompts ⋆⁺₊⋆
a list of prompts i use to inspire my writing. i hope they're helpful for you !
more prompt lists: x
˙⋆⁺₊⋆.
1. "you're allowed to fall apart sometimes, you know."
2. "what's the point in trying when i know i'll never be enough?"
3. "i wish your love wasn't conditional."
4. "when did things fall apart? i never noticed until it was done." / "that's exactly why things fell apart."
5. "you were my best friend. i wish i had been yours, too."
6. "i wasn't enough for you." / "no, you were too much."
7. "i thought i could learn to like it this way. i'm sorry i dragged this out."
8. "it's tiring, missing you when you're right here."
9. "you seemed to like me best when i was lying."
10. "don't pretend you missed me. i'm not as stupid as you clearly think i am."
11. "why are you drinking so much? what did you do?"
12. "please tell me i'm wrong. tell me i'm jumping to conclusions— that i'm misunderstanding. please, just say it..." / "..."
13. "you really love her, and she doesn't love you back...how ironic."
14. "you left the most bitter taste in my mouth. how could you bring it all up again when i'm trying to move on?"
15. "i fucked up. god, i fucked up."
16. "so that's it? we're just— over?"
17. "i wish i'd never met you. i wish this was a lesson i never had to learn."
18. "you're fucking insane."
19. "am i the reason you cry every night? be honest."
20. "well, how did you expect this to turn out? it's not my fault you've been in denial."
21. "i don't understand how you sleep at night, so blissfully uncaring of the pain you wreak."
22. "will you miss me at all?" / "very much so, unfortunately."
23. "are we doing the right thing? is there no other option?"
24. "i know when it's good, it's really good— but i don't think i can handle the lows anymore."
25. "when did you want to hurt me again? today? tomorrow? you know, so i can note it in my schedule."
26. "do you fantasize about a life without me?"
27. "you're not the same person i married." / "well, people change. you didn't get the memo?"
28. "i wish i could forget your phone number. and your face. and everything we ever did together."
29. "let's not get irrational here. we're going to talk sensibly, and take it outside— so i can punch you without breaking anything."
30. "you thought i cared for you? why? i made the opposite excruciatingly obvious."
31. "god, why do you have so much blood? i can put it back— don't cry, i can fix it. just don't leave me, please."
32. "you're so dramatic. is this really necessary?"
33. "i'll be better next time, i promise." / "next time? no. i won't be here to put the pieces of your life back together next time."
34. "i don't know how to ask for help."
35. "when was the last time you told me that you loved me?" / "..." / "hah...you can't remember, can you?"
36. "it's okay if you need time to heal. i'll still be here, waiting, for as long as it takes."
37. "i can't keep going when i'm the only one putting effort in. i'm done begging for what i deserve."
38. "i can't lose you. i won't lose you." / "what? after everything? you've already lost me."
39. "you left without saying goodbye. i finally moved on, and you expect me to let you pop back in just like that? no."
40. "i always said i'd die for you." / "idiot...i didn't believe you until now."
41. "i can't believe i thought you meant what you said."
42. "for what it's worth, i'll never give up on us."
43. "you keep going radio silent on me, and i can't handle that any more. wondering if you're dead in a ditch? or cheating on me? i don't deserve that."
44. "you are not your past, so stop acting like you are. that's not an excuse to keep hurting me and everyone around you."
45. "how many broken promises are we at now? you know, i'm starting to think you're doing it on purpose. is my face that pretty when i cry?"
46. "don't give me that look. no, what did you really expect?"
47. "he/she/they showed me more love than you ever did. isn't that sad? it makes me sad."
48. "oh, i see where it went wrong. you're a little confused, but you're almost there— you're supposed to break up with me, then fuck other people."
49. "don't even try to kiss me. get the fuck off me."
50. "don't worry, it's not my blood."
51. "i was stupid to think you would change for me. to think i was good enough to change for."
52. "quit crying. you're the one who hurt me, why are you making it about yourself?"
53. "no, i'm not just going to leave you here."
54. "i can't bear when you look at me like that. like i'm something from hell."
55. please— please, just...get out."
˙⋆⁺₊⋆.
☾. please like/reblog if this post was helpful !
#angst#angst fanfic#angst list#prompts#prompt list#fanfiction#fanfiction writer#kooruwrites#writing#writing prompts
27 notes
·
View notes
Note
For Theoven: ☮ for a scene about behaving well
Thank you for the ask! Struggled a little with this one because I wanted to cover some time before he left Garund, but it was tricky figuring out what "behaving well" in that context would mean. Finally settled on repurposing/revising a little thing I wrote about his backstory (why did I originally write it in the 3rd person when all my Theoven stuff is 2nd person?).
CW: references to degenerative mental disease/dementia; a child taking on way too much responsibility; death of a parent; references to poverty; and Theoven tossing a lit firecracker into his mom's room to tell her breakfast is ready.
You know today is going to be one of the good days, because Mama is reading. Most days she can't do that anymore. Most days, when you wake her for breakfast, she is still asleep, or on really bad days she's sitting up and just staring at the wall. But today when you go to wake her for breakfast, Mama is already awake, sitting up in bed with one of her books.
"Holy fuck!" She shouts when the firecracker goes off next to her bed, and you grin because 'fuck' is a naughty word, and also she only swears on good days. On bad days your pranks just made her scream and cry. That doesn't stop you of course–as long as she doesn't react with silence, that means the pranks are helping, and if you do enough of them she might have a good day.
That's your job: to give Mama lots of good days, enough to last forever. You aren't usually very good at your job–Mama doesn't have many good days anymore–but today is a good day. Giggling, you open the door and carry a tray with breakfast into the bedroom.
"Oh, you think this is funny, do you?" Mama asks from her bed, and you nod, trying to hide your smile behind a glass of not quite spoiled milk on the tray. "Oh, Theo," she sighs with a smile. "Never a dull moment with you, is there?"
You smile wide before offering her the tray. "Oh, thank you!" she says with a look of pleased surprise, and for a moment you feel a little glow of pride because this is a good day and you are doing a good job. Then she frowns suddenly at the breakfast: an over-easy egg (You scrounged the egg from a bird nest in a tree you had to climb) and a piece of toast. "You cooked this?" she asks. You nod, wondering frantically what was wrong - maybe that kind of egg was poisonous? Or maybe it's a very smart species of bird and you just murdered a baby? Or–
"You didn't break the yolk," she says slowly, and you relax, because this is not the first time she has had to think this through. "Have you been making me breakfast every morning?" she finally asks, and you nod. She looks sad and a little scared for a moment before smiling with her mouth while her eyes stay sad and watery. "Well, you've gotten very good at it! I've probably said that to you before, haven't I? I'm sorry."
"It's ok. I like it when you say I'm good at things," you say, and that makes her smile for real. She ruffles your bright orange hair with a pale hand–most of her is pale, except a little strand of green in her hair. You're the opposite: mostly orange and tan-brown, except for the pale patch on your elbow from when you gave Mama some of your color when you were a baby. Back when Mama had more good days than bad days, she used to check every day to make sure the patch hadn't gotten bigger, because if it got too big you would start having bad days, too, and then you wouldn't be able to do your job and give Mama good days.
"Well then, you should know you've gotten very good at making breakfast," Mama says before starting to eat breakfast. "Here–wanna see what Mama's reading?" She patted the space on the mattress next to her, and you grin because it's been so long since Mama read to you and it must be a very good day and you are doing a very good job. You scramble up onto the bed and snuggle under her left arm. She closes the book and shows you the front cover. "Can you read the title?"
"One thousand and one gods of the Vuh-drann - drawn - dra–"
"Vudrani."
" - Vudrani," you read out.
"Very good!" she says, and you practically preen with pride before realizing what you just read.
"There are a thousand and one gods?" you ask, eyes wide, because that's a lot of gods.
"Oh, there are a lot more than that. These are just some of the gods they worship in Vudra."
Your forehead wrinkles in thought. "But I thought gods were special. How can there be so many?"
"Well, there are still a lot more of us than there are of them."
"There's not a thousand people!" you exclaim indignantly. One thousand is a very big number. You know because you once tried seeing how high you could count, and you only made it to 150 or so before you lost count because you were distracted by a beetle as big as your hand flying in through an open window. You tried to get the beetle to stay and be your friend, but it couldn't understand you because beetles aren't very smart, so it flew away.
"You wanna hear something crazy?" Your mother asks, leaning in like she's about to tell you a secret, and you lean in too because you are very good at keeping secrets. "We live in a town with two thousand people. Just in our town."
Your jaw drops, and you try to remember all the people you saw yesterday when you went to the market to borrow some stale bread when the baker wasn't looking, but you quickly realize there were too many to count.
"And this isn't the biggest town we've lived in, is it?" Mama continues, and you shake your head.
"No. Katapesh was much bigger." Your face scrunches up as you try to figure out how much bigger itbwas. "They had…three thousand people?"
"More than two hundred thousand."
Two hundred thousand? That's more than you can count times a thousand! That's a lot of people, and just in one city? You realize there must be a lot of people in Golarion. Eyes wide, you look back at the cover of the book that had started the conversation.
"I guess one thousand gods is still special," you finally pronounce. "Are they better than the Avistan gods?"
Mama taught you a lot about the gods in Avistan because that's where your dad lives, and someday she says you will visit and stay with him. You didn't like most of them–being a kid is hard, and you don't think anybody who has never been a kid had any business telling you how to be a kid (and people who don't remember what it's like being a kid aren't much better). But Irori and Iomedae and Norgorber and Caiden Calean had all been kids once, so you think they might be alright.
"Hmmm…no, I think they're just different. But there are some gods they worship in Avistan and Vudra. Like Irori. Before he was a god, he lived in Vudra." She opens the book. "His nephew became a god, too. Gruhastha. He was always one of my favorites because he's a book and a god."
"He's a book?" You repeat, because how can a person be a book?
"Yes, the Azvadeva Pujila. He wrote it when he was still mortal. The book was perfect, and perfect things must be divine, but a book by itself has no soul, so it can't be a god. So Gruhastha went into the book and became part of it, and it became part of him, and now the book had a soul and could ascend and be divine. But Gruhastha believes that knowledge should be shared, so he made copies of the Azvadeva Pujila and put a little of himself in each one. So anytime you hold a copy of the Azvadeva Pujila in your hands, you hold Gruhastha in your hands as well."
"Do we have a copy of it?" you ask eagerly, because you've been able to do many things traveling with Mama, but you have never held a god before.
"I think so–yes, in the Biggenlill Bag."
(The Biggenlill Bag is little on the outside but big on the inside. It is supposed to be called a bag of holding, but that's stupid because all bags hold things because that's what bags are for. You used to call it the Big-and-Little bag, but over time it got shortened to the Biggenlill Bag, which is so much more fun to say than Big-and-Little and definitely a better name than "bag of holding.")
You slide off the bed and scamper into the next room. The biggenlill bag is on one of the chairs at the kitchen table that hasn't been used since Mama's bad days made you stop in Finderplain. You grab the bag as you slide to a stop and then rapidly run back the other way, practically leaping onto the bed and almost knocking over Mama's glass of milk as you open the bag and reach inside. You have to stick your hand in all the way up to your shoulder, but your fingers eventually close around a book, and you yank it out of the bag.
It doesn't look like you'd expect a god to look–you imagined it would be more sparkly–but Mama always says not to judge a book by its cover. It does feel special, though. You feel a thrill the second you touch it, and you feel…not quite afraid to open the book, but you can tell that opening the book will release something great and wonderful, something that will refuse to confine itself to the book once it is released.
"Do you want me to read it to you?" Mama asks, interrupting your reverie, and you nod and hand the book to her. She sets it on top of the book on her lap, opens it to the first page, and reads.
It is a wonderful day. The best day. Mama reads, and she reads, and she reads, until the desert sun sets, and her voice is hoarse, and you snuggle into her side and for once you aren't worried about doing your job, because this is a good day, and good days mean you're doing a good job. You listen to stories about monkeys and tigers and cobras and gods and children and ratfolk and humans, and you wonder if maybe, when Mama is better, you could go to Vudra and see the Cave of a Thousand Stars.
"I think that's enough for today," Mama finally says tiredly, and you nod before hugging her.
"Thank you, Mama," you say, and Mama hugs you close to her.
"Oh, you're so very welcome. I'm happy to do it for such a wonderful son."
You feel very warm at that, and despite the desert heat it's a good warm. Yes, you are doing a good job. "Love you, Mama."
"I love you too, Theo. Now." She kisses the top of your head. "Go get some rest. We can read more in the morning."
You nod vigorously, smiling wide so she won't see that you don't believe her. You may be doing a good job, but there haven't been two good days in a row for a very long time. Reminding her of that would just make her sad, though, so you pretend to believe her and kiss her on the cheek before taking the tray and the dirty dishes and sliding off the bed. You leave the books–you are very tired, and someone needs to stand watch, but Mama is holding a book that is also a god, so surely you can sleep for a little bit and let Gruhastha watch over her, can't you?
(You can't. Her last green hair disappears in the night. Her skin is already cold when the sun rises.)
15 notes
·
View notes
Note
How would the ro's react after a nasty fight with mc and mc giving them the cold shoulder?
ugh i didn't do a great job but this is passable. thanks for the ask anon <3
Constantine: You've been ignoring him for 45 hours, 11 minutes, and 34 seconds. Yep. He's keeping track. How could he not? He only longs to hear your voice, even your angry voice would do.
How could I be so stupid? he thinks. What if MC never talks to me again? His heart races at that thought. It would be unbearable - as if your cold shoulder isn't already.
He writes you an apology letter and slips it under your door. In the letter, he asks you to meet him when dusk arrives.
Minutes pass. He starts to think you aren't coming. But then he hears your footsteps and when his blue gaze lands on your face, his shoulders sag in relief.
He hands you a bouquet of flowers. Bluebells. You raise an eyebrow at him. Constantine rubs the back of his neck and looks away. "I remember that you said your parents always gave these to each other after a fight because they symbolize gratitude." His eyes find yours again. "I just wanted you to know that I'm grateful for you."
Felix: You want to give him the cold shoulder? Fine, whatever. He doesn't care. Not at all. That's why he's been in the kitchen for six hours baking everything he's ever noticed you enjoy. Because he definitely does not care. It's not like he laid awake all night missing you. Only for James to tell him this morning that you'd barely eaten anything since your fight. That won't do, he thinks.
Felix enlists Anna's help to enact his plan. He sneaks into your room and fills your dinner table with the spread of freshly baked food, everything from appetizers to dessert. Then he leaves a note for you: "Ignore me if you want but you better eat. I mean it."
And you do eat. With a grin on your face. Then you send a servant to fetch Felix. He eagerly rushes to your room... only to find that you've fallen asleep with a full stomach. Still, a smile sits on his face as he grabs a blanket to drape over you.
Margaret: If it was anyone else, she wouldn't care. But being ignored by you? It makes her stomach turn. But that fight was pretty bad and Margaret knows it must have added more stress onto your already overwhelmed shoulders.
So she waits. And waits. And waits... it's an agonizing week of you avoiding her like the plague. She's never experienced a sadness so profound. Is this it then? she wonders. Is MC done with me? She knew this day would come - when you would decide that she isn't worth your time anymore.
She decides to go on a work trip far away. Danger calls to her. And she needs it. She can't stand being so close to you yet so far away. She can't stand the thought that you, too, have abandoned her. But as she's preparing her horse, you run out to her.
"Margaret!"
She freezes at the sound of her name rolling off your tongue. She knows that it's a bad idea, but she casts a hopeful glance over her shoulder. "Don't go," you tell her. And so she doesn't.
F: F isn't bothered by your cold shoulder. They went five years without you. Without knowing if your paths would intertwine again. So, they give you space until you're ready to talk.
And in the meantime, they write a lot of poetry. And drink a lot of wine. And rant to Felix while drunk about how they always fuck up a good thing.
And see, Felix gets tired of it. Quickly. So he begs you to talk to F again. After you make Felix grovel for a good hour, you depart to find F and make-up.
They're none the wiser as to Felix's intervention.
#ro’s reactions#constantine dimas#felix faramund#f faramund#lady margaret#anon reply#sorry if there's typos i have fake nails on right now lol
105 notes
·
View notes
Text
Cw: implied cheating, curses, some light body horror
It is getting agitated again. And when it’s angry, it revolves and growls on his chest, it’s invisible claws seeming to tear away at his flesh, pushing chest bones and muscle apart, consuming, consuming, consuming, in a desperate attempt to take control.
He holds up his chest, as if that could alleviate the pain at least a little. Lamb is still mad at him, so he might not want to help… But he can’t really stand this on his own, not anymore.
It always starts slow. The beast is asleep, soundly at first, then it agitates as time passes. Soon, it’s tossing and turning in its sleep, each movement sending a shiver down his spine, a dull ache in his chest.
Then it starts to growl and brings forth headaches, as its noises dull away his thoughts, trying to replace his mind with vicious growls. He feels its anger and fear, something far too ancient to exist simply trapped inside a body that it’s not its own.
And fuck, sometimes, he even emphasize with the creature. It is not fair what happened to it, as it's not fair what happened to him. But unfortunately it is beyond reasoning. The creature brings destruction, because it knows nothing else and never will.
His metal leg clicks and clanks against the stone, and each step sends some pain over to his spine. It's not too bad yet, but he should get that healed too, as each step takes a harder toll on his back. He's already going to beg, anyway.
So he crawls up the stone steps to the tower of the Rose Castle, where Raine sleeps. He can only pray he’s no longer mad about Crow. Having Raine just.. standing there and watching him be consumed instead of helping is far more painful than any physical wounds he could be inflicted.
At least he's not sad anymore it seems, as he works on a map in his table, all his focus on drawing lines.
"Raine… " he calls, quietly kneeling by his side. He looks to both sides shamefully "I need healing. The curse…"
"Ask Crow to heal you" he doesn't even lift his eyes from the map.
"..." He lets his head hang, slowly moving closer till he's resting on his knee "Please?"
Lamb pushes his head away, pouting as he writes down on the map.
"I wonder if you'd even be here if not for that curse" he murmurs.
"... Unfortunately, yes" he smiles moving back closer "I think I would"
This seem to help, Lamb giving him at least half a smile, and idly petting his hair. But his expression closes in again right after.
"And what about Crow?" He pouts.
"I'm sorry. I should have figured you wouldn't like that"
Raine just huffs, because yes, he should've thought about it.
"...Can you even put that aside? You tend to… grow attached" he seems almost disgusted by that word. Possibly because he can't get rid of his own pain relating to that.
Long ago when he had just started forming the cult, he wanted to bring a sense of non attachment. Letting go of one's most prized things through the fire, to purify one's soul and cleanse the past.
But it turns out the past is a ghost that does not fade. The rituals nowadays were a lot more charitable with the whole burning aspect.
He leans against him, not replying because no matter what he says now, it will be half a lie.
"Will you wait for it to take me?" Do you want watch me suffer, the real lingering question.
There's no answer.
Perhaps he does.
So Wolf nuzzles against his leg and hugs himself, feeling the monster tear him apart from the inside out and waiting for the mercy of his living god.
Tag; @whump-blog
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
I think because nobody really makes any ship content for Jason and Barbara and it is extremely rare to see art for them, especially right now where everything is Dick and Barbara. So it’s nice to see that there is still a community out there or people who still like Jason and Barbara as a pairing. I absolute adore your JayBabs art! It’s so beautiful!
It's cute that my JayBabs art has been feeding my ask box a lot lately. I've produced a lot of fanart for niche ships over the years and I've never brought this type of attention to myself. By what you're saying the JayBabs tag has been very deprived of content. That's kinda sad. But it's not a big deal in my eyes. You'd be surprised by the fact that the majority of people engaging on the Batfam fandom online probably don't even know this ship exists and have no previous judgement towards it.
Sometimes you just need the one fanart that gets viral for the ship to gain a few new entusiastic shippers :)
The DickBabs ship is just Batwriter agenda, crafted with the purpose to keep Dick isolated from having any relevant bond outside the Batman property. And it's so fucking plastic and poorly writen that constantly gets in the way of everything even inside the Batman related stories. I'm starving for Jason & Dick content first and foremost, and I can't stand this shit getting in the way of every single Batfam dynamic involving Dick. Seriously, where are my Jason&Dick centered stories? I want Nightwing&Batman stories too without any nasty ships stealing valious pages from the story that could be used to explore other more relevant things. Do I also have to mention how annoying it is that Dick cannot count on his friends anymore because now his only bestie is the woke bitch?
The idea of me shipping this kind of editorial plastic craft that stank of "Batwriter agenda" since day 1, instead of a blank page full of potential for writers like JayBabs is laughable honestly.
Even worse it becomes when you add the fact that my most hated fictional trope of all times: the "childhood soulmates" one was injected to this turd back then, when the characters' ages were retconed to add their off-panel "history together" bullshit.
I have a problem with this trope. I have a big personal problem with any fictional ship that follows this shitty trope. This bland idealized fantasy that consists in two characters that meet each other as kids, and they become the first crush for each other, and become best friends and later on they start to date and they make love and they grow up together and stay together for the rest of their lives blablablah does not vibe at all with me. The reason? I LIVED IT IN REAL LIFE. The love of my life is the first man I've dated and the only romantic experience I had. It's been many many years since we started dating.
I get why normies instantly become attached and idealize this kind of relationships in fiction. Because in real life this is not the norm. The probabilites of someone having their first crush on their soulmate at a young age are what… 0.00001%? I've met many many people in my life, so did my boyfriend (and he knows thrice people than me), and even for the Catholic standards from my country, the number of people we've met that had a story similar to ours is NONE. It's no wonder really why so many writers write this ships so badly, and why the audiences of those stories cannot identify how awful those ships are. It's a fantasy scenario.
But I lived it, and I hate 99% of ships that fall into this trope because I consider they do a terrible job at depicting a reality that has been my normal day by day basis for the last 13 years. DickBabs is the worst of them all but in my eyes is just another example of why this shitty trope shoud burn in flames and never be used again, unless your typical writer actually tries to sit down for a minute and think about how humans behave and how human relationships work. You don't need to experience what you write in first hand to depict it well, you just need to be intelligent about it, do some proper research.
One day I'll write my own story featuring the childhood soulmates theme. It's going to be heavily based on my personal experience and it's going to bitchslap every stupid writer who ever wrote this trope as a bland boring idealized fantasy. It'll be the deconstruction of the childhood soulmates trope. I'll get to be the Latin American female version of Alan Moore!!!!1111oneone
But either way, I think it'd be nice if we stop mentioning DickBabs while talking about JayBabs. That ship is not a ship that has earned the status of relationship by the sweat and effort of countless writers that tried to make it work over the years like say, Clark and Louis. No. It's a Batwriter agenda shit. A retcon. The fact that it gets constantly shoved down our throats lately doesn't add any depth to that. It just makes it more forced and annoying. It really does not deserve the mention, unless it is to use it as a punching bag lmao.
Let's focus instead on why JayBabs has potential to be a great ship if it ever gets explored on the main continuity.
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
So, I need to vent. Strictly speaking I’ve already vented, but I want to leave that vent here. One of my favorite fic authors deleted their Ao3 account, and I decided to try and work through my feelings by writing them down. Now that I’m done with that, I don’t want to just delete everything, but I also don’t want to just leave it sitting around and gathering dust. So I’m going to post it here, under a cut. I’ve decided to make it unregbloggable and cause it’s kind of personal, but I would like if whoever reads it could drop a like, just so I know. Be nice to know if I’m not screaming into the void. I also originally typed this up at work between taking calls, so that’s likely the reason for any weirdness. And I’m rambling. Fuck everything.
Okay, last thing before the rant: The author I’m referring to has put up with some shit, which is why they’ve deleted. I went back and forth between leaving their name in or not, or tagging. I eventually decided to leave their name, but will not be tagging them. They made it sound like they won’t be on tumblr anymore, and even if they were this is mostly something I wrote for me. I’ve left a message of support for them already. I don’t want them to have to deal with anything else.
So Glimmerglanger deleted their ao3 account due to dealing with a lot of awful messages and comments. And I'm upset, and struggling to process. So I'm going to try and walk through what I'm feeling, why and what I can do.
It's all a bit of a tangled knot, so I'm going to start with my more
selfish reasons to be upset. I'm angry and sad that I won't be able to
read any of those fantastic stories again. I loved reading them,
they've become such a staple of my reading. Whenever I needed a pick me up or a break I would go back to their stories. Sometimes I would be looking for something in particular, and sometimes I would just go through their entire catalogue. Any time they had a new fic, even if it was just a drabble I would wait with baited breath. I always
enjoyed their writing, and now it seems it's all gone.
And I feel selfish, upset and disappointed with myself because of
that. Because they're their stories, they can do what they want with
their stories. And it sounds like they had excellent reasons to do
what they did. It's not fair to be upset with them for protecting
themselves. But I am angry with them. I'm frustrated and upset that I
didn't get any warning so I could download the fics. And I suppose I'm upset with myself for not downloading them sooner. Silly, since I
didn't know this was coming, but it seems better than being upset with them when they're going through a tough time.
And another reason I'm upset with myself, is how reticent I was with
leaving comments. I kept telling myself I would go back and do it, and now it seems like I wasted too many chances. Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything, but at least we could have had those interactions. Glimmer was one of those authors who always responded to commenters and I loved that. (Not that not responding is a bad thing! Authors already give a lot just by posting, they're not obligated to respond.) I really enjoy having conversations with authors about their writing, and I always looked forward to 'talking' with Glimmer. I think one of
my biggest flaw is being too timid and missing opportunities. Not
leaving comments may seem like a small opportunity, but it mattered to me. And even though I tell myself that it may not have changed their final decision, I can't help but wonder if me leaving more comments (cause I think the only fics of theirs I didn't read read are the ones with a pairing I didn't like or looked too angsty. And I loved all the ones I read enough to want to leave comments, I just kept telling myself I would do it on my next re read, when things were fresh) would have made things at all better for them. If having some good comments may have contributed to making things a little easier or giving them a bit of happiness. I feel guilty. (Course, I also feel guilty about how much I'm making this about me and my feelings.)
And what really infuriates me about all of this was how avoidable it
all was. I've had fics that bugged me. I've started fics that
infuriated me. Where the authors characterization choices drove me up the wall. I've read fics that had me wondering if the author
read/watched the same thing I did. Sometimes when I think of these
fics they still frustrate me. But you know what I did? I clicked the
back button and I went to read something I would enjoy. (Ironically,
sometimes that meant going back to an old favorite, like
Glimmerglanger's works) The worst I would do is write a vent post
(that I might not even post) or reblog someone else's vent post. If
not that, I would start writing an idea for my own fic. I would never
leave a mean or cruel comment. I honestly cannot fathom people who feel like that is a constructive use of their time. It just doesn't
make sense.
Well that's most of my vent done (for now). Now to figure out what to
do. I noticed at least one person mentioned that they downloaded some of their work. I may ask around and see if anyone has their fics in a few days. Not now, it seems disrespectful so soon.
And you know what? I think I will post the comments I wrote out but
never sent. It's unlikely that Glimmer will ever see them, but just on
the off chance. And even if they don't, I don't like the idea of just
deleting them or leaving them in my notes to haunt me.
I'll also try to leave at least a few comments on any fics that do
live open on my phone. (And maybe download a few, just in case!)
Authors give a lot, they deserve what little I can give back.
I feel a bit better. A bit more settled. I'll try to do do a bit of
what I said tonight, and check back in in the morning. (5/4 pm)
I feel sick. Course, I think it's largely due to the news about
Buttons. She made it to at least 18, which I think is pretty old for a cat. But she stopped eating. And we had to make that choice. (And I realize after looking at the dates, it's barely been a year since we had to let Pixie go. And she wasn't even half Button's age. Fuck.) But talk about timing. Could really have used some comfort
right around then. But I really don't want to be upset at glimmer.
Cause none of this is their fault. They had to make the best choice
for them, same as we had to make the best choice for her. The timing
is just awful. And I'm not sure if I should continue writing this,
cause I'm starting to get choked up. And that's not really something I
can afford to do at work. But I feel like I need to get this out now.
I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. I'm not sure if
this is really about glimmer anymore. Or at least not only. I guess I
got home still feeling off after finding out, and then I got hit with
having to make that decision. And now the two things are just kind of
hopelessly tangled together. And I'm not sure how to untangle them.
I did go ahead and leave a few comments on other fics that basically live on my phone, like glimmer's did. It made me feel a little
better. Maybe I'll try to leave some more. It helps take my mind off
things, a little bit. Focusing on other fics and what I like about
them and trying to put it into words. I hope I get a reply or two. I
know that's not the reason I'm commenting, but I could use some
connection.
I also kind of want to pick up Crush again. Maybe not the best idea,
since I already feel pretty bad. But maybe it would be nice to read
the words, to feel less alone in my head, with these feelings. My
insides feel like a bruised peach. Twisted, squishy and raw. Or maybe
a tenderized bit of meat would be a better analogy. I probably
shouldn't have decided to listen to the sadness playlist. But
listening to anything happy feels disingenuous and discordant. Same
urge that led me to find those loving death comics again. Needed to
feel understood. Was a bit cathartic.
Still feeling upset. Think this one is going to linger for a while. We really lost a star. I can't blame glimmer for making the best choice for themselves. And I don't, I'm not just saying that. I just keep falling into this 'feel sorry for myself' pit. Course, as mentioned the timing was awful. I probably would have been reaching for some of glimmer's fics for comfort anyway. But it's like a bruise that I keep forgetting about and poking. I've tried not to think about it, when I'm not doing this, to try and let it settle. I tell myself, 'Don't think about this other thing,' which I figure works better than trying, 'Don't think about Glimmer having to leave.' Reverse psychology I guess. And it kind of works. But it's a loose tooth, I keep worrying at it, even though I know I shouldn't. And I keep wanting to ask around and see if other people have downloads of the fics they would be willing to share. But that just makes me ashamed of myself. It just seems selfish and disrespectful, especially so soon after they deleted. I won't lie to myself, I probably will try at some point. But I want to exert some self control, and not go hounding folks so soon after it happened.
I think I may post this after all. It may be a bad idea, and I
probably won't let it be reblogged. But I feel the need to be seen. To
be heard. (5/5 am)
I just really foolish. I keep asking myself why I didn't leave more
comments or download the fics when I had the chance if I loved them so much? Logically, in regards to the comments, I know it's because I'm a bit of a procrastinating perfectionist. I liked their fics enough that I wanted to be certain I got things right. I'd make little notes to myself, and say I'd come back later. I assumed they would always be there, which is also the reason I never downloaded them. Now I feel naive. And trying to make my peace with the fact that I may never see these fics again. I keep trying to press them all into my memory so I don't forget, though maybe it would be better if I could.
These feelings just keep sneaking up on me. And I keep feeling like
I'm making mountains out of molehills. Glimmer is the one who was really hurt by all of this. And that's another thing I keep trying to wrap my head around. I've always thought there fics were great, it's hard to
believe people would send such awful comments to them. I don't mean that I don't believe left horrible comments, I just can't understand what they would have to make comments about? Course, if people want to be nasty they don't need a reason, just an excuse. But it's still messed up. (5/6 am)
I think that's all now. This may have been a bit silly, it's not like glimmer is dead, they're just gone. But what happened to them sounded awful. They deserved better. And as I type this, I wonder if this is why I'm so hesitant about actually sitting down and writing out my ideas. Cause if I do, I'll want to post them. And I can honestly say, I'm scared of people's opinions. I have a thin skin. But that's another day's problem.
I'm also trying to avoid the main fandom I read stuff of theirs from.
It's still just a little too closely intertwined for me at the moment.
Not easy, it's one of my preferred fall backs, currently. But it is what it is.
Well, don't think I have anything else to say. At least, nothing that wouldn't be repeating myself. I think I'm less sad now. I think things will be better. I just wish it hadn't come to this, for glimmer's sake.
17 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
unfakeit
UNfake It!
ladymarycrawley
in questo cuore c'è disordine
silamilosci
silamilosci
kirsty1987
Untitled
underwater-sos-blog
UNDERWATER