#my practice run is this demon that has been following me for the past year and possessed me on and off for the past 5+ months
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sometimes i forget a demon is next to me / following me around all the time and im like HUH! WEIRD. what now? he did not bother me until now.
#txt#ive talked abt this on snap like a month plus ago. not rlly out about it yet#but yeah a demon is after my ass constantly. one of the big ones in the bible. fuck my life#at least im learning a lot abt demons and negative entities. this is all part of my future#my life path / life purpose as a twin psychic is to rid the earth of negativity#my practice run is this demon that has been following me for the past year and possessed me on and off for the past 5+ months#possession is scary only when you think about it a lot#fear gives them power. thats all. they are very weak spirits if you are strong in faith and stuff
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Why Crowley Was an Archangel, And Why it Matters: A Fan Theory
Neil Gaiman has said that Season 2 is a bridging season, setting up what is to come in Season 3, which will be based on a story he and Pratchett outlined many years ago. This season is therefore moving characters into place and establishing facts and mechanics of the Good Omens universe that we need as an audience in order to understand what comes next. It moved Aziraphale back to Heaven, and removed Gabriel and Beelzebub. This season has also been heavy on the references to Crowley’s past as an angel.
Season 2 of Good Omens has been practically inviting us to speculate on who Crowley used to be. If we’d just been given that one glimpse of him in the first scene I wouldn’t make so much of it, but we also saw him return to heaven in disguise and reject an offer of being returned to full angelic status. We have to conclude that there’s been so many sustained hints at this because it will be important next season!
Some of this has already been suggested by others, but GO2 has taken over my brain and I need to write this all out. So, let’s have a look at what we already know about Crowley’s angelic past in-universe, and what else we might be able to guess at from that.
What’s special about Crowley’s powers?
Crowley is the only demon or angel who is shown being able to stop time. When asked about this Pre-S2, Neil Gaiman said the following:
We first see him do this in Paris in 1793, and the second time to speak to Adam to avert the apocalypse at the end of S1. The first time was something he did casually, while the second required a huge burst of power – it needed to hold off Satan, after all - and happened at Aziraphale’s urging.
A: Come up with something or… or I'll never talk to you again.
(GIF from fyeahgoodomens. There’s a collection of gifs of Crowley stopping time through S1 here.)
When we see him stop time this season, in Edinburgh in 1827, it’s also directly at Aziraphale’s request:
This bit is absolutely key to me, as this establishes that stopping time is something Crowley can do that Aziraphale cannot.
This also seems tied to the crank handle of his Bentley. When Crowley has stopped time to hold off Satan, he is gripping the handle in the same way Aziraphale carried his flaming sword, and spins in when he comes to restart time.
C: I'm going to start time. You won't have long to do whatever you're going to do.
By itself, this doesn’t mean anything. Until we see the same handle at the start of Season 2, in the hands of Angel Crowley. He uses this to start up his nebula, as a tool for setting time into motion.
Is this the same handle? It certainly appears this way. Like Aziraphale’s flaming sword, was this a gift from God that he’s managed to hang on to for thousands of years (And it just miraculously happens to fit his Bentley)? It certainly seems that the Bentley crankshaft handle is more than it seems, and that Crowley can use it as a conduit for power – as he needed to when stopping time to hold off the ruler of Hell himself.
The link between this object, a relic from his time in heaven, and his rather unique ability to stop time, suggests that Crowley was once an angel of great power.
What rank did he hold?
We saw Crowley return to Heaven, in disguise, in S2 E6, with events hinting that he was once a very high-ranking angel:
So, we know for a fact he was above the level of Thrones and Dominions. So where does this place him on Heaven’s organisational chart? My analysis here is metatextual – I don’t think looking at external hierarchies of angels is that helpful to understanding the Good Omens universe, so I will only focus on what Neil Gaiman has confirmed when asked, or has been demonstrated within the world of the show itself.
Good Omens has its own Hierarchy of Heaven, but Neil Gaiman has clarified that the Archangels we see are amongst the most senior personnel in Heaven. This runs counter to many hierarchies of angels (which are often contradictory in and of themselves) but is consistent with the depiction in John Milton’s Paradise Lost as well as Jewish tradition, where the highest ranking Archangels are given the title of “princes” of heaven. “Prince of Heaven” is also a term that Metatron applies to Gabriel in S2 E6.
Of the heavenly entities mentioned in the show, we can infer the following angelic hierarchy:
God
Metatron (NG confirms here)
Supreme Archangel
(Gabriel, now Aziraphale)
Other Archangels
(Michael, Uriel, Sandalphon, in that order – See NG here)
Cherubim
(Aziraphale at the Garden of Eden, when he was the Angel of the Eastern Gate –NG Confirms here)
Thrones & Dominions
Principalities(?)
(Aziraphale after the Garden of Eden – NG doesn’t state if this is a promotion or demotion, but it feels very demotion-y)
Other lower-ranking angels
(As a Principality, Aziraphale was supposed to lead a platoon of angels into battle in S1 – so there must be many levels below him – see NG here)
Scrivners
(Muriel and the level Gabriel would have been demoted to. Appears to be the lowest rank in Heaven, suggested by NG here)
There are likely many other levels in-between these that have not yet been mentioned onscreen. Saraqael, for example, seems lower down than an Archangel (addressing Michel and Uriel as “your beatitudes” before approaching them in Episode 1), but above Aziraphale. You’ll notice Seraphim aren’t in this list, because they’ve not been mentioned on screen – but I suspect they do exist in this universe and are a class below Archangels but above Cherubim.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that Crowley was an Archangel, but confirms pretty explicitly that he was once near the top.
So who was he?
Neil Gaiman has stated that his name when he was an angel was not Crowley/Crawley, and the first scene of Season 2 sees a bit of redirection when Aziraphale tries to get angel-Crowley’s name:
This is quite deliberate, and sets up his name as something important to be revealed later. However, I can’t see why his name would matter to the narrative, unless it’s something recognisable from biblical canon – or, that it’s not necessarily his name, but his rank as an angel that was important.
There are numerous pointed references throughout Season 2 to Archangels, in such a way that feels like the show is setting up for this to be revealed in the future. The misdirection about Angel-Crowley’s name may have been because Aziraphale was likely to have recognised the name of an Archangel.
More than this, I personally do think, that before his fall Crowley wasn’t just any old Archangel, but the Supreme Archangel. This is based on the following 7 points (you know God likes sevens):
The very deliberate way the camera pans to Crowley’s impassive face after Gabriel says “I’m the only first-order Archangel in the room or, you know, the universe.”
2. Metatron’s statement, “For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story. For it to happen twice, makes it look like there is some kind of institutional problem.”
While it’s quite clear that we’re supposed to associate this line with Lucifer himself (and yes, I know NG confirms that's who this was alluding to!), it’s interesting that ‘Prince of Heaven’ is a title associated with Archangels in Jewish tradition and very specifically with Gabriel on screen in the universe of the series. That Jimbriel also repeats this line to Crowley in the bookshop specifically feels significant...
3. Crowley also recognises Metatron in the bookshop, where no other Archangel does. Metatron deliberately avoids using his name in this scene, calling him ‘demon’. Which is not inaccurate, but may suggest the Metatron remembers Crowley’s angelic name. It may also explain Metatron’s very dark look at Crowley as he exited the shop – the two of them have some history.
4. It’s never stated explicitly that Gabriel hasn’t always been the Supreme Archangel since the beginning, but there’s enough vagueness in the text to guess at this. When Michael and Uriel are discussing what to do in Gabriel’s absence, Michael and Uriel have this exchange:
M:There is, of course, no question of replacing the supreme archangel. I am the Archangel Michael, you are the Archangel Uriel.
U: We aren't in charge. Right now, as of this moment, Heaven does not have a supreme archangel.
M: There is always a supreme archangel.
“There is always a Supreme Archangel!” not “Gabriel has always been the Supreme Archangel!” According to some traditions, the Supreme Archangel was the first angel ever created, which would support Michael’s statement: There is always, and there always has been, a Supreme Archangel, since the time of creation. It’s possible that someone else held this role pre-Fall, and Gabriel was appointed as successor after the War in Heaven.
5. The way the other Archangels behave around him. There’s a wariness, but also a strange deference. On being discovered by Saraqael in heaven, they don’t immediately throw him out, but let him watch Gabriel’s trial – even ordering Muriel to show him it. Michael and Uriel then follow him back to Earth without much fuss, giving him quite a look, while Crowley seems to be enjoying himself:
(This also feeds into why I think Crowley looked so different during the Job segment. He knew he might encounter a few Archangels he’s not seen for a thousand years or so, and so appears in disguise.)
6. The lightening! I’ve seen someone point out that Crowley’s electric temper tantrum in S2E1 mirrors the lightening used by Gabriel to travel to Earth in S1E6. This could be a coincidence of VFX, or it could be a Clue.
7. That last conversation between Aziraphale and Crowley:
A: I don't think you understand what I'm offering you.
C: I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do.
That’s such a weighted statement, and could be interpreted in so many ways. But, viewed in this light, it sounds like a warning from a former angel who used to be very high up in Heaven indeed – and has absolutely no desire to return there.
Why does any of this matter?
Obviously just theorising here…
The story is setting us up for a reveal here – Crowley’s status as an angel, and who he was before the Fall is clearly going to factor into Season 3 in some way. Why tease us with it so much and so often if it’s not important?
In terms of the narrative, a powerful revelation would be that Crowley used to have Aziraphale’s new job. That it led him to asking questions about the Almighty’s plan and then, ultimately, falling. And that the Supreme Archangel, for one reason for another, eventually turns against Heaven – it happened to Crowley, to Gabriel (after a few thousand years), and then will have to happen to Aziraphale too.
I could be way off here, but at some point the show needs to explain why Crowley is so different from other demons and has powers that no other demon or angel seems to possess. A reveal that he was once very, very senior in the organisation of Heaven, before asking too many questions and being cast out, would serve as a explanation and be a meaningful development to the narrative of Season 3.
I don’t think we’ll necessarily get a name (because we don’t need one) – but I do think we will get a rank or some idea about who he used to be, and that’s what’s going to be significant.
TLDR: Supreme Archangel Crowley!?
#good omens theories#good omens theory#good omens season 2#crowley#archangel crowley#go2#good omens spoilers
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open your legs, not your bible - jjh
open your legs, not your bible | sinfully vowed to you
SUMMARY. what happens when the demon’s favorite son is also an angelic piece of heaven the Lord speaks of? he’s so good no wonder your innocent bible is discarded, like your drenched panties.
PAIRING. jaehyun x fem!reader
WORD COUNT. 2.4k
GENRE. smut and angst | bad boy!jaehyun, good girl!reader, forbidden romance!au
PLAYLIST. heaven (slowed down) by julia michaels
WARNINGS. public oral sex (f receiving), fingering, dom!jaehyun, minor corruption kink, praise kink, explicit language, petnames (jaehyun saying good girl is not good for my heart), mention of reader being a virgin, references to and slight bad-mouthing Christianity, both jaehyun and reader are from hella rich rival families, mentions and portrayal of manipulative parents, wait for a special surprise towards the end
⤑ vero’s words: this idea all started when me and my friends were talking abt our college sexcapades, and one of them mentioned the title mid-convo. not even kidding, that got me writing at 8 am the following day before work 😵 also im still not over dearm huhuhu cha minho my beloved 😭 this was supposed to be a smutty piece, but the more i ventured to the whole good girl concept, pursuing a forbidden romance just felt right. the biggest sin one can commit, right? this isn’t edited yet, but other than that, enjoy!!!
⤑ masterlist
⤑ leave me some feedback or hellos here!
---
WHEN YOU’RE BORN INTO THE LEES, ONE OF THE RICHEST FAMILIES OF THE CITY, YOU’RE UNDER EVERYONE’S EYES.
One mistake and you can dishonor your entire family line. That’s why they’re strict on you, the heiress of your father’s real estate firm. After your older brother Taeyong took over your mother’s hotel management business, monitoring all branches of such across the country and abroad, it’s a matter of time you take your place in the family.
After all, your future has already been pre-determined for you; from your career, lifestyle, and heck, even some of your friends. If they don’t pass mommy and daddy’s standards, might as well say bye-bye.
Standards ranging from having good grades, no nights out partying, no vices, dressing modestly, no cursing, and more, all of these things formed you into the good girl all throughout the city. You can never to disobey her family. So that’s how your life has spiral into for the past twenty-four years.
Not to mention attending Bible study every Saturday and Mass every Sunday, that’s the cherry on top on being an ideal woman in today’s society. That’s the thing when your family are diligent believers, praising for the Lord for His righteous acts for your family.
Or in other words, making your family richer and more successful each passing day.
As controlling it is, you never ought to complain. That’s the work of the devil, your mother says whenever she’d see your eyes fume from stress at times. Thus, you’re practically an angel to the eyes of the public. And no one would never second-guess your personality.
But boy, it’s always the good ones that shock the most.
“F-Fuck!” You gasp out, clutching on the edge of the table as a determined tongue swirls around your drenched womanhood. Such sensations are new to you, yet they’re so addicting. You can’t get enough, and never will any time soon.
How fast life runs when you’re merely skimming through your favorite Bible verses, reading them aloud with passion. Then in another frame, something else gets spread open with oozing content. How shy you became, yet didn’t refute and nodded to keep going. And poof, goes your beloved book in some random corner of the room.
“So sweet and innocent,” The man below you moans. “Your pussy is a dream come true.”
“Profani-Oh, God!” You try to call him out, but you’re dumbfounded when his slender fingers dart your hole back and forth. From the table, your fingers seek support from his brown locks.
“You were saying?” He peeks out from your floral dress, smirking. And god, it was the hottest thing your eyes laid on.
Lips puffy and dripping in your essence, he widens your legs more and continues diving in further. As soon as he finds that spot in you, nothing can hold your pleasure-building moans back. It’s something you’ve never felt before, or rather, something you should’ve saved for marriage. You’re doomed, or were you?
How can something so vulgar feel so heavenly?
“You may be religious to Him, and devoutly read the Bible, but you’re my religion.” He says in between lapping your clit and lower lips, slurping every bit of your wetness. “I lay my entire being for my one and only queen.”
Wetness he caused if not for his swoon-worthy charm and enchanting looks that makes you thank the Lord for bringing this man to you. Even if the two of you used to share judgmental looks out of generational hatred, love seeped its way through. And your heart cannot control who it wants to love, and same to him.
However, he’s poison to your life. If anyone in your family finds out that you’re sleeping around with the eldest son of your rival family, you’d meet your untimely doom.
But not only is he the eldest son, he’s also next in line of taking over his mother’s real estate company. Hence, spiking generations-old rivalry with your family. Aside of work, he’s your mother’s worst nightmare.
Massively notorious for his reckless behavior and the occasional scandals of his fights outside the bar with god knows who, he’s gotten away with it numerously because of his intelligence. You can only picture how dependent his parents are on him because his younger brother Sungchan is still in university, destined to inherit another family business. Other than him, there’s no more heir.
He acts like a God in this world, taking advantage of it.
Why? Because all he wants is freedom from everything. Even if he works hard and does his parts as an heir, he can’t commit to it entirely.
So he spits at anyone who gets in his way, always determined to get anything he wants. And easily, he does.
But that changed when you entered the picture, or rather reentered when he rejoined Bible study Saturdays 3 years ago. How pure you were then, leading everyone into prayer and such. How he loved riling you up to the point you blew up for the first time in a sea of curse words. How hard to get you were, even if you weren’t playing a game. How it took a single sweet kiss merely months after building a proper friendship, your first even. How such crazy lust and adventure rushed through your veins for more led to true, absolute love.
He corrupted you, but in the best way possible.
Jeong Jaehyun may be the owner of your undying affection, yet he remains your dirty little secret. And from all the years of your life, you’re choosing to rebel. It may be in private, but in time, it’ll break down its doors. Because you finally realized how you deserved so much better.
You are your own person, and you’re meant to make your choices. To be controlled like a puppet is not living, nor being tossed around as the good girl image. That’s the fault of your parents, pressuring you over and over again to uphold it or else the consequences will be grave. If not for Jaehyun, you’d never realize it. He too resonates with such thoughts, and the both of you ought to break the cycle of hatred when your time to rise in power comes.
After all, love makes you do risky things.
Just like this very moment in the Bible study room of the church, empty for the past hours.
After you and Jaehyun pretended to fight in front other rich, influential kids in the session, one of the nuns put you two on duty to clean up as punishment.
Little did they know, it was all an act so you spend more time with him. Yet it’s also a trip down memory lane of how your relationship began, when the hatred was real while working together only to be exchanged with developing love.
Lately, neither of your apartments are safe from the public eye, and motels are becoming risky to book. Vacation homes can’t be used either as both of your parents have CCTV access.
You’ll just have to make do. Anything for the love of your life.
He continues to be relentless in making you fall apart in his hands like glass, crashing blindly and powerfully. The gushing sounds of your pussy squelching and soaking his fingers, which he uses to lift up the hood of your clit.
Erect and puffy, his tongue aims to stimulate it the most.
Your throat runs dry and your thighs shake mercilessly from yet grind against Jaehyun’s satisfied face. Mascara-filled tears escape your lids, then your stomach can feel a knot ready to unwind.
“Jaehyun!” You almost scream as your mind only chant and think of him at this moment. Your hand fires up to your lips to avoid suspicion, and Jaehyun’s quick to notice muffled moans.
“Yah.” His pace slows down.
“Yes, Jae?”
“Let your hand go, or I won’t make you come.” He orders.
You’ve gone this far, and you won’t allow having your orgasm get denied. As much as you like to get your way always, sex would be the only thing with compromises. And Jaehyun has denied your orgasms numerously, so you’re at a loss.
“Sorry, baby.” You follow, lowering your hand.
He smiles from under your dress. “It’s okay, love. Now let me continue to feel good, hmm?”
Jaehyun’s the one who led you through the acts of sex. You can’t deny how intimidated you felt by that, but he’s never pressured you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Step by step, you already know what’s it like having his fingers toying with your core while your hands and lips around his cock.
He’s a sweet and passionate lover, unlocking the door of the joys of being eaten out.
Double the penetration, double the speed of your orgasm. Jaehyun’s tongue and fingers are partners to this sexual deed, and you can only just anticipate what happens next.
“I’m so close…“ You choke.
“Let go, baby. You deserve it.”
Hard and breathtaking. That’s how your orgasm felt.
Your lips emit an elongated moan as you came in Jaehyun’s mouth. Your entire body shivers, sweating behind your gorgeous designer dress. How tainted it makes you feel, yet also heavenly. You say hello to the angels up there, who may only look down at you for your so-called “forbidden” deeds.
How you’re the forbidden fruit, and Jaehyun is one of God’s beloved children who lusted for it.
He hums louder to match your noise, bringing your thighs closer to lick your core more. Helping you ride out your high, your lungs heave hastily as if they ran a marathon. With one final kiss to your clit, he gets up from his knees and doesn’t waste a second to collide his lips with yours.
The taste of you lingers in every exchange, your arms naturally wrap behind his nape. His hands grip your waist, making your legs tangle around his lower torso. The two of you cannot simply get enough of each other, tongues clashing for dominance and filthy moans echoing the room.
“You’re such a good girl for me.” He says.
“Always.” You reply. “Only for you.”
“Not even for your family?”
“Except for my brothers, fuck them.”
Your making out session gets so heated instantaneously. It’s never felt like this before, and you cannot get your hands off Jaehyun. Whether it’s how good he is to make you come like that or his presence making you feel so at ease, you wanted more. Heck, you desired whatever this man can give you.
Or rather, you deeply desired him to deflower you.
“Jaehyun, I--”
“Yes?”
“I want--" Before you can continue your sentence, your phone beside you vibrates.
Calling: Demon Mother
“Oh, shit.” Your lips parts from your lover, while he keeps going by pecking your neck. You’re strict with lovebites, but it’s nothing too harsh.
For now.
“Be quiet.” You glare from the side.
He smiles sinisterly. “When am I not?”
Rolling your eyes, you tap on the green button on your phone. “Hello?”
“Where are you, miss? We have a dinner with important people in your father’s company in 3 hours!” Her voice booms through even Jaehyun get startled. Yet you’re used to it, and it sucks.
“It’s not easy to clean a whole room even with a partner, mom.”
“It’s not my fault you couldn’t keep your hatred from the Jeongs as discreet as us. We are never to go low and battle with such a scandalous family like theirs.”
You sigh. Even if it’s a fake fight, news got around quickly in your elite world.
“Anyways, I’m packing up and heading my way.”
“You better, or you’re gonna hear it worse from your father too.” She hungs abruptly, and you sulk on your position.
“Is she mad?” Jaehyun stands more upright, yet you don’t give him eye contact out of shame. “Talk to me, baby. Please.”
“You heard her, Jaehyun.” You say. “She dare insults the family of my lover, the one I can never shout my affections out to the world.”
“Angel.” A nickname he uses it when sadness overtakes your mind and soul. His hands cradle your face that shifts it so you can look at him. Which you do. “This is the kind of love we signed up for.”
“But I didn’t ask for this kind of life.” Your heart wrenches. “I want to be able to live and love freely. No prejudice nor judgement. Don’t you think God was cruel for this fate?”
Jaehyun sighs in agreement. Religion this, religion that. All his life his parents taught him that if he doesn’t follow his family, he disobeys the Almighty. Only to later realize that he was manipulated; brainwashed that his parents are on the same level as Him.
How wrong and immoral.
He may have lost his faith, yet it was momentarily restored when you waltzed into his life like a dancer. A couple of failed turns, only to transform into a beautiful variation.
“If there’s only one good thing He gave me,” You sense his calloused fingers brush over your frizzled hair, tucking them behind your ear. “It was you. His favorite angel.”
Your heart swoons while a tear freely falls down your cheek. “I love you, Jaehyun.”
“I love you more, (Y/N).” His lips kiss yours a little longer. It’s unpredictable when you’ll see each other again, or spend hours being by his side. And so you both savor every meeting, peck, touch, laugh, moment you have with each other.
Because things can drastically change in a heartbeat. At least for you, it did.
That very dinner later in the evening wasn’t merely to celebrate your father’s company ranking high up across the country. Defintely topping the Jeongs, which has been a long-term goal these past years. He speaks of merging companies with his colleague, the Kims. Much to your naivety, you’re the main pawn in his game.
“Be a good girl and follow daddy in this venture.” He speaks in his professional voice in his office, where you and your mother sit and listen. Sipping on his whiskey, he awaits your response. Good girls only talk when being spoken to, but it’s merely a façade now. A façade you acted perfectly in.
“How can I be of help, daddy?” How you wished you didn’t ask such a question.
“You’ll be marrying into the Kim family in the next couple of months, specifically their oldest son who’s bound to take over their company right after your wedding ceremony.”
copyright © 2022 by alluringjae.
#nct#nct x reader#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct angst#nct smut#nct 127#nct 127 x reader#nct 127 scenarios#nct 127 angst#nct 127 smut#jaehyun#jeong jaehyun#jung jaehyun#jaehyun x reader#jaehyun imagines#jaehyun scenarios#jaehyun angst#jaehyun smut#tw: arranged marriage
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Its not a monster
*trigger warning, violence and suicide *
It's not a monster
It's not my demons
For so long I have had the time to really look inside and know what is in me.
This will be a brutally raw and vulnerable write, with some very tough subject matter. Not my usual writing that get hearts, maybe want to swipe on past.
It's me. Always has been me, used to think me at 29 but it's the me that either died or was born when I was 5. It's me, it walks a different path, but as I look at me... It's me.
At 5 I was swimming In lake, as my dad was wading and fishing, my brother 3, was playing on shore. My dad said keep behind a certain point in the water, I listened. As I did I side shifted to a very mushy place, my foot slipped and I fell into a 3 foot drop, where boat motors Rev to get on up a trailer. My feet slipped and I dropped, the water icy cold, the seaweed tangling in my legs. I didn't hold a breath at first as I didn't expect and I ended up taking a large inhale of water in my surprise. The bubbles drifted to the top and I felt my lungs breathing water, or more so going through the motions as I found no air. I struggled and the lake got dark, I was slipping off to what felt like a heavy sleep. My dad grabbed me, smacked my back as I was laid over his shoulders violently vomiting water.
That was the first time I realized I wasn't mortal.
At 12 was in upstate NY, visiting grand parents, lived on a farm near a lot of Amish. Every year they would help on my grandparents farm, so my grandmother baked things and gave out eggs every week. I was with a kid older than me, wanted to do some target practice with a 22, some short rounds, he also brought a double barrel 12 gauge which I thought had bird shot. We went out, he placed guns out of the way, but he did not follow safety rules, had two deer slug rounds chambered. He ran back to house had guns leaning on tree. I was behind tree a good ways back, just waiting. Their coon hound came out, tracked his scent, got excited at his smell on the guns and mucked about knocking them over onto a stump, it scared the dog and it stepped on the dual hammers, somehow discharging a shot. All I heard was a thunderous blast and I was knocked to the ground. Dog had spun it towards me, I couldn't hear or see but blinding pain. Felt like sweat running down my back but was blood, I'd be dead if it was the slug. The round blew apart a tree behind me sending a chunk of wood the size of an orange, glancing across the back of my head/neck. I still to this day have a small spot where I have nerve damage and it's numb when I touch.
15 We were traveling through middle lower Canada, I unbuckled grabbed an apple from back of station wagon. Just has buckled back up, I see a ladder coming at the windshield, dad yelled swerved to shoulder, car bit soft shoulder and then chunks of blasted bedrock, car flipped on roof, slide 150 feet, windshield and roof closing in, being shredded. Without thought I unhooked, dropped to roof, kicked my door open, pulled my brother out, he was screaming, I had broken his collar bone with my arm, mine was fractured. I pulled open dads door, blood all over front windows, my mom was covered in blood, face pressed against caved windshield . I watched emergency crews extract her, I watched my dad have a heart attack, my brother writhing in pain. I stayed up 3 days no sleep, making sure my mom was woken up every so many minutes to not let her slip into a concussionary sleep, I couldn't place that solely on my dad and his broken heart.
16 working at the diner, started at 14 washing dishes as my barber knew the owner, by 15 I was prep cook, by 16 I ran window, kitchen and staff at night after school and weekends. One night closing troubled dude Chad came in fucked up. Drunk and on drugs, he found a 2 foot long bread knife and was just trying to chop bread we had just made earlier that day, crushing it. He kept saying not sharp enough... Not sharp. He kept sharpening it as I scrubbed the grills clean, he was taking heads of lettuce and chopping the fuck out of them, and sharpening this fucking knife, I couldn't leave, every time I'd try he would grip my shirt and not let me pass, I thought about running and jumping through the cramped food pass through window for the servers to grab plates , but feared failing. I have always been a very big dude. Only one server was in restaurant, she was vacuuming and I also feared he would hurt her. The offspring came on the radio, You Gotta Keep 'Em Separated.... And I heard the 4th worse thing that has ever made my blood run cold and heart stop. I hear Chad say quietly.. Gotta separate your head.. I bet it's sharp.. Then louder he says hey dude come here.
Only way out of the kitchen was past him, he was in doorway, to the right in hall was freedom /front door, the left a pantry room with walk in fridge, no exit. I turned from grill to knife rack behind me, may as well try.. I saw it empty, he had taken them all, now I knew this was partially planned ahead at some point. I approached the exit, he lifted knife up and as he blocked door, caught the blade on the wooden header. I lept at him, drove into him like a linebacker, I was definitely stronger and bigger, he went into the mug storage rack in hall, and fell onto floor, sitting in broken glass and still clutching the knife he was blocking the right, I ran to storage room, he got in behind me, split second decision I grabbed a can of pumpkin filling off shelf, he swung knife, I jumped back, he caught the tip of it in my left palm, in the meat of my thumb. He raised knife again and I hurdled the can at his face, it struck his throat, dropped knife and fell to knees gasping for air, I kicked his stomach like I was punting a football and he fell on his face. I slammed steel door closed and dragged a 300 pound potato peeler and steel table to block door. By then server was shrieking as she heard the glass mugs fall and shatter, she called the police as I pressed my body against table, blood running down to floor off table from my hand, as he was stabbing door with knife, telling me that... It's just a head. I walked away with a nice little permanent scar on my palm.
*not done yet.. All 2 of you still reading.. Now is your chance to stretch, get a refreshment, or back out of post, warning next segments are very vulnerable for me to share and hard to read*
29...May
I was in carpool, early on a Wednesday, and radio said section of freeway shutdown by emergency crews as report of pedestrian accident. Was about 5 am. I made it to work, got to about 830 and HR needed to see me, I went up front, my HR leader was looking upset and waiting, her eyes sad and wet. I said Holy shit you are firing me? She said no... But to come to office. In office two police officers stood up, called me by name, I asked... Holy shit, your arresting me? No.. Sit down. They asked if I had a car.. No. They said, we need to take you to your parents house. I'm demanded to know that's going on, again its you will learn once you get there, I told them to fuck off, grabbed phone, called parents house. All my dad would say was come home. I demanded to know what happened to mom, he said she's fine, come home.
Fast forward to riding with two cops making small talk as I was fighting off panic attack.
Got to my parents they were outside, took me into back yard and told me my brother and his wife were dead. My legs gave out, I couldn't hear anything but my screams of disbelief as the world started spinning and I'm clutching the grass trying not to black out. I thought car accident.. Had to be.. They told me he killed her and then himself. That was the pedestrian accident that morning, him jumping to his death off the bridge onto a major interstate freeway (number 1 worse thing I've ever heard.) my mind further dove into panic... 4 month old baby... They said was left safe in crib.
I went into protection mode, had to get my parents taken care of, mentally and physically they were shells of hurting pain and I was all they had. I loaded up their van with clothes and crap they needed, drove them to my rides share point, retrieved my car, got them home to my house. By then it was state wide news, every channels top story for local news, pictures of him and her, the standard trope of coworkers /neighbors stating.. What a surprise, seemed so quiet. I contacted my local police in case they figured out my connection and address.
Went back down with my dad, 81 missed calls on his answering machine, all news outlets, I made two leave that drove up driveway, one lingered in street... I go down did the... Our family is saddened by the senseless violence that's occurred, our sympathy and prayers go out to both families and all affected... After that they wanted more I told them to fuck off.
No answers why just outcome.
Got my dad back up to my house, dug in for 5 days, many tense I moments, fights, painful energy, got called in Sunday to a police interrogation room they had just spoken to the victims family.
They asked if I wanted details, I did, but I told them I dreamt it all... That I already knew. Detective asked what I thought, I told him she was sleeping, he stood over her a long while and then attacked her. Detective asked how I knew, I told him I drempt it multiple times.
*graphic ahead, warning *. Detective said at some point went out to shed, retrieved hatchet, had hatchet in spare bedroom, cover was found there, no idea how much time passed, went to bedroom, struck her in head repeatedly as she slept. She got up, ran down hall to escape he struck her as she fled based on forensic details in hall....made it to kitchen he grabbed large kitchen chopping knife, and sparing details stabbed her in a very excessive, repetitive manor and fled in her car. Neighbors heard screams but did not know where, she crawled halfway out front door, into deck and couldn't go further, she layed whispering for help.
He drove around an hour, tried to cut his own throat failed, called 911 from his cell and stated that no one would understand why he did it, but had to, the baby was fine, but had to. I've only read the transcript, haven't had the courage to listen to his last words. He jumped with cell in hand, and was just an open feed of traffic noise. Police came to bridge, identified address, found her, she had a faint pulse, but passed during life saving measures.
.......
So much to unpack from the point of all this...
I have a nephew that will soon be a legal man, that I didn't fight custody for that went to the surviving brother on her side, my parents were only allowed supervised visitation when they allowed, we were invited to 2 birthdays and I Christmas and that stopped I was not allowed any. When I tried I was told that my brother took away his mom, so he won't get to know me. My patents wanted to sue for visitation, I did not, enough pain has been done. I will reach out to this man once he desires to know my side. Pains my heart he never got to know his grandfather as my dad passed a few years ago.
It hurts because I'm not a violent person, I don't have it in me. I sacrafice my time and body to protect animals and others. But the blood that runs through me, that we shared, has repercussions in life that I don't blame anyone for thinking either. People often look at my large stature like I'm just prone to be a threat. I don't blame them, I can only imagine the justified reasons they think that about me.
No one won in the event, I have spent years learning medical training, suicide identification and prevention training, and de-escalation techniques that I can apply to situations as I see them.
I can't remember his last words, guilt washes through me as I tear myself apart... Could I have fucking seen it before it happened, and stopped it?? I'd have a brother to grow old with, to care for aging family with, to do normal things and my reality turned upside down.
I've lived for 16 years empty, hurting, I can't remember out last conversation, only his final action, trauma killed that for me. I have spent years trying to remember, tried meditating, drugs... I simply can't remember that will always hurt.
I could not find a murder support group, but did a suicide support group, I never felt like I fit they had family that left them and wounded them and I dare whine about missing him.
Survivors guilt /guilt by association runs rampant in me. I know I'm not him, I know we are just related but when their family treated me with no mercy, when you see a coworker you dare think you can confide in change look at you different and pull away, it causes a man to hold that in.
I've been to 10 years of counseling, taken 5 different anti depressants, 3 different anti anxiety meds, tried church and prayer, and involved myself into other things.
I didn't trust strangers before this, I've always been that antisocial loner, I was picked on and beaten at school because my dad supported the basics, garage sales and thrift stores for clothes. School clothing was store brand, shoes off brand, I used to hate my dad as I share his name, and it's unique and rhymed with a popular mascot back in the 90s, the whole class would chant a taunting Matra at me.
I don't trust anyone, no one the comes to me first. Even when I go to them i have so much trouble, I have such deep ingrained fear of abandonment that it makes me awkward , sociality awkward.
I've been asked why I write so dark at times, it's no different than love, or sex... I write from past, from mood, emotions and situations stored inside me, sometimes I write as situations unfold, but I've lived a life of emotions, easy to use that energy, people confuse it as me being depressed and sad... No, but I have been before.
I tend to be too loyal to those I connect, I take up too much attention, too clingy.
At 34 I had a bad luck situation, I was at a nature preserve, suddenly a dodge charger police car tears through the grass, I knew they were coming for me as I was the only one there, I leaned on a pole, watched a sheriff get out, gun drawn and pointed on center mass, and screaming something. I had my hands in my hoodie, hood up and that moment I felt like my life wasn't worth continuing, I thought about death by cop. Just start running and screaming at him, pray he unloaded not wounded. The last moment my mind slowed, my mom for years has asked... Do you feel safe. I had promised her I would never take my life. So I complied, deescalating the situation, found out man with gun sighted in area, dressed similar as me.
I lived in a deep shell, no emotions. No care no joy, no laughter, no.. Nothing.
Wasn't until maybe 7 years ago I told doctor I wasn't scared of anything, I could sit in a road, watch a semi come at me and my b heart rate wouldn't even climb, I didn't care.
My sleep was non existent for years. I would stay up as late as I could till exhausted and I found success with not dreaming, didn't always work. My dreams at times has flayed me alive. Thats when I started to write on tumblr, it helped my sleep.
Something needed to change and past trauma and the event that broke my back created two things... I crave emotions, not fake staged, bland, real displays, at times even hatred to me felt better than a pretend, numb act of emotions.
To protect myself.. The me I spoke of earlier... It's had it's use for me, within seconds comes up, can act logical, emotionless. When my heart on my sleeve is too freely , I feel too much, or I feel like I don't deserve I bring me up. That other me.
If I'm threatened I go calm, logical, even I feel like I have had too much energy stimulus, I let me ride in the captains chair.
I withdraw. From all. From family, friends, neighbors, strangers, tumblr peeps. I get cold when threatened with ultimatums, as me and me agree we don't deserve what we have.
Haven't for so long. The more who care, are the more who can hurt me, the more I have around me.. The more who will leave. The ones that leave hurt me deeply, even though it's the me that pushes, and causes the departure.
I'm afraid of being alone, yet to protect I push, find fault, a reason to be... Alone.
I am aware it's fucked up.
Hurts to open my soul and have someone leave, go silent, my favorite post lately that I wrote, that meant large meaning that got a few hits was... 'silence is a murder weapon'
I want to stress I'm not the victim, I'm not playing that card, the dead are the victims, my parents are the victims, the lives changed are the victims.
I am not needing condolences, or sorries.
I am what I am today and can only be that.
It's not a monster or demons, but occasionally a different me..
I carry scars and rough edges, intense emotions and trust issues, plaqued my anxiety attacks and insomnia.
I just needed to write this out to the universe.
#original writing#writers on tumblr#vulnerability#vulnerable#raw thoughts#spilled words#spilled writing#spilled ink#writeblr#writing#writerscommunity#Pain#Trust#Hurt#Care#Truth#Laying it out
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ZAWE ASHTON
Through writing, actor Zawe Ashton is slowly shifting her role from object to subject.
Words by Hettie O’Brien. Photography by Pelle Crépin. Styling by Holly White. Hair by Bjorn Krischker. Makeup by James O’Riley.
FILMS ISSUE 45
The work of a convincing performer is to make a practice of disjunction, blurring fact and fiction until it’s no longer clear where the performance ends. Zawe Ashton, an actor and writer from East London, has been performing for so long that she sometimes feels as though she has “just woken up.” “There has been this eye, this gaze, that has followed me since birth,” she says. This is what it is to have grown up as a child actor, an experience that would be strange, were Ashton to have ever known anything different.
It’s only now, at the age of 37, that Ashton feels she has managed to “reshuffle the cards,” as she puts it. We’re speaking over Zoom: Ashton from the northwest London home she shares with her fiancé, the actor Tom Hiddleston, and me from an office room that I describe, when she asks, as a “Zoom booth.” “Are they the new thing? They sound sexy,” Ashton says with characteristic provocation. “They sound like the new location for a fresh scandal to me. It happened in a Zoom booth!”
There is a sense that runs through Ashton’s work of someone chafing at the limits of their discipline. She is best known in the US for her role in Velvet Buzzsaw, a satirical horror film set in the Los Angeles art world in which she starred alongside Jake Gyllenhaal. She grew up in Hackney, East London (her parents were both schoolteachers; her mother is Ugandan, her father English) and attended Anna Scher, a theater school in Islington that banned the words “star” and “fame” from the classroom: Stars burn out, Scher taught them, but the career of an actor persists regardless of fame.
Ashton’s first notable role was in the British kids’ TV show The Demon Headmaster. In her early 20s, she took bit parts in crime dramas and hospital soaps; her break came when she was cast, at 27, as the chaotic, drug-taking, straight-talking student Vod in the series Fresh Meat. One article from the time suggested Ashton was “the coolest thing on TV right now.” But Ashton felt herself growing increasingly frustrated. “I hit a wall in my life—whether it was burnout, or [an] existential crisis, where I was like, Hold on a minute . . . . I’ve spent the past 30-something years performing, and I have no idea who for.”
What Ashton really wanted to do, she tells me, was to be a writer. In the basement, her mother still keeps a box of the stories Ashton wrote as a child, including one, from when she was six, about a dinosaur having breakfast with Elizabeth Taylor. “I think language, and how surreal and expressive language is, has always been part of my wanting to be in this world.” So, alongside her acting jobs, Ashton wrote a play. For All the Women Who Thought They Were Mad centered on the experiences of Black women in the corporate workplace and was praised for its darkly comic study of prejudice when it was staged at the Hackney Showroom in 2019.1 She also wrote a pilot for a TV drama about a woman having an early midlife crisis. “I was treated extremely badly at the hands of television executives,” she says. The pilot was passed over, and Ashton “put it in a drawer because it was just too traumatic.”
A book agent read that defunct script, and asked if Ashton would consider authoring something longer. “It’s one of the hardest, best things I’ve done,” she says of the resulting book, Character Breakdown, a playful, tragicomic account of an unnamed protagonist’s acting career. “So much of my life has been scripted; so much commitment has been to saying other people’s words and inhabiting other women,” she explains. “I thought . . . I can sit down and write this without anyone giving me permission.” Writing was an opportunity to stop acting—for a while. Ashton spent some time living in Margate, a blustery seaside town popular with people priced out of London. She nicknamed the book, which took two years to finish, “the cockroach in the nuclear disaster of my life.” For a while, it felt like the only continuity she could grasp at.
Character Breakdown defies the very definition of the word order—it is composed of fragmentary conversations retold in a weaving chronology. The protagonist receives different character synopses that are irritatingly sexist (a silent woman in a civil rights protest, a sexy spy, a dead body on a mortuary slab). She takes calls from her agent, sips lukewarm wine, changes her hair to appease casting directors and remembers being bullied at school after first appearing on TV. It is loosely fictionalized: Ashton says that if the book seems like an “actor’s memoir,” she has “done something very wrong.” “It was an attempt, or an opportunity, to try and crack open the difference between fact and fiction before slamming them wholeheartedly back together again,” she explains.
Although magnified in the acting industry, the banal occurrences of casual misogyny and racism that Ashton’s protagonist endures resonate far beyond the book. “Thinking about acting became like a blueprint for a way that I could look at my experience as a woman in the world,” she says. She missed her publisher’s first deadline, a misstep that turned into a gift. By the time Ashton submitted the manuscript, revelations of sexual violence in the film industry had started to break. “Me Too really reframed my writing completely, because I thought, No one is going to want to hear from an actress about stuff that’s gone down and how it might relate to the wider world. And suddenly it was all anyone wanted to hear.”
We’re speaking a month before the release of Mr. Malcolm’s List, a sugar-frosted Regency rom-com in which Ashton plays a lead role. The film revolves around the wayward schemes of Ashton’s character, Miss Julia Thistlewaite, and will please anyone who enjoyed Bridgerton.2 In period-drama obsessed Britain, it would have been unthinkable for a mixed-heritage British woman to land this role even five years ago. The multiracial elite portrayed in Mr. Malcolm’s List is a fantasy that omits the reality of colonial racism in Regency Britain, casting actors of color as dukes and duchesses. “There is a lucrative market . . . . for the depiction of racial difference in the absence of racial inequality,” the British author and journalist Gary Younge recently wrote of Bridgerton, taking issue with the genre. Ashton is critical of this argument. “What’s crazy is there’s only a handful of [similar] shows,” she says. “When you get real diversity is when there are so many . . . . that some can show one aspect [of history], some can show another aspect, and this is a spectrum.”
The protagonist of Character Breakdown reflects that “nothing good comes of being visible.” Together with this film, and her forthcoming role as a Marvel villain, Ashton seems poised to become the kind of highly visible celebrity who occupies a different plane of existence: rich, distant and chauffeured.3 Yet that’s not how she comes across in person. She is open and disarming, throwing back bigger questions to those I ask. I wonder if she enjoys the control of writing in her own words, as opposed to speaking those of others. “It doesn’t even feel like control,” she says. Ashton tells me about the American visual artist Lorraine O’Grady (about whom she made a film for the Tate). “She wanted to play with the idea of being subject and object,” Ashton says. “You want to shift the lens, shift the perspective on your work and life as much as you can. And that’s how I feel.”
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About me:
My name: KhepiAri
Pronouns: She/her/They/them
Age: 30
Bi🌈. Bookworm👩🏫. BL Connoisseur👬. Bored😮💨.
I write fun Crappy One Piece Theories and equally funny deranged Fanfics, especially LawLu fics. And I occasionally doodle and make memes! And I use only one pen-name as fanfic writer aka KhepiAri.
Where you can read my fics?
My Ao3: KhepiAri
My FFN: KhepiAri
My Wattpad: KhepiAri
Ships I write for:
LawLu/LuLaw.
WangXian.
DofuWani.
StanXeno
Ineffable Husbands.
ZoSan.
FakirAhiru.
Junjou Egoist.
SnowBaz.
AnselEvan.
LuSan
SatoSugu
Ships I plan to write about in future
NavierHeinrey.
RiverSongxDoctor.
Digital Places You Can Find Me At:
Twitter: paulOaries
Instagram: terrible_doodles_by_khepiari
Substack: KhepiAri’s Afterthoughts
Favourite BL/Ship Pairing:
Law X Luffy
Hiroki X Nowaki
Urahara x Aizen (Occasionally)
Simon X Baz
Ansel X Evan from the Amazing Webtoon (THAT AWKWARD MAGIC)
Life X Death (from now discontinued webtoon A Matter of Life and Death)
Aziraphale X Crowley
Magnus X Alec
Wei Wuxian X Lan Wangji
Shen Wei X Zhao Yulan
Xie Lian X Hua Cheng
Zhao Zishu X Wen Kexing
Sarawat X Tine
Xeno x Stan
Gojo x Geto
P.S- Current favourite BLs/Yaoi/
- That Awkward Magic on Webtoon
- Matter of Life and Death on Tapas (Author stopped updating)
- FOOLs on Tapas
- Twenty on Webcomic
- Heir's Game on Webtoon
- The Grandmaster Of Demonic Cultivation
-Guardian
-2gether
-Manner of Death
Warning for future followers:
I don’t care what people ship, read, watch, listen, consume or discuss. I try to follow and practice don’t like it don’t engage with it and live and let live.
Before we make any judgment, remember, that context matters. Nothing is black and white, no creator is perfect, and every one of us has said, done, and indulged in activities that have hurt someone! Hence, engage in things with maximum contextual awareness before making a decision.
Some things don’t need devil’s advocate, so treat them from the pov of how you can learn from the past instead of trying to justify it!
Racism, transphobia, homophobia, fatphobia, antisemitism, being anti-Palestinian, Islamophobia are bad! Any idea that tells you—other humans need to be discredited, and their experiences discredited against is BAD!
I am an antinatalist, so my worldview is screwed up, and I do not entertain or encourage or endorse ideas of eugenics pandered in the name of antinatalism.
I have severe depression, and I have opinions about anything and everything!
If you are a minor following me, please be aware, contents and opinions I share are mature, nsfw, and sensitive, most of the things I share totally depend on my day’s depression and anxiety.
And I do not like distortion of spellings, misuse or lack of tags and watering down meaning for sensitive topics. As deliberate misspelling and distortion make the purpose of muting, meaning making and blocking redundant! So don’t write wrong spellings or water-down meaning of words! I will report you if I see you doing this!
Who gets blocked?
And if you are an account with no profile pic/no bio/no activity who suddenly followed me: I will choose to believe you are a bot and block you.
And if I see accounts anti or people with DNI instructions to my ships, I block them in advance to save all of us the headache of running into each other.
My thoughts on censorship
My thoughts on why shipping
And use that block button before you think you need to be SJW on someone’s posts!
And my main obsession
My favourite ani/manga is One Piece.
I am obsessed with One Piece, I started watching the series at 11, and it has been 19 years as a One Piece fangirl!
So, yes, I will bite you if you badmouth the story without any reason or explanation.
My concerns about One Piece Live Action and why I think Netflix is the problem.
My thoughts on the first teaser-trailer of One Piece Live Action.
We don’t accept Iñakï hate in this house!
My other obsessions
I love 2gether the Series and Still 2gether, and am devoted to loving BrightWin. That doesn’t mean I can’t distinguish between fiction and reality.
So I will not cry in future when Bright and Win find partners in future and live their lives.
I absolutely do not support people demanding Fanservice or so-called prove of love from BrightWin as a BL couple. They don’t owe us fans anything. This kind of behaviour is not healthy.
Food tv shows I will sulk and curl up if I don’t get to read and watch cosy Japanese Food Tv Series, books and animanga.
Among cozy Japanese Food Tv/books/animanga, I love BLs that revolve around food. My all-time food BL is: What Did You Eat Yesterday. Followed by Our Dining Table and Old Fashioned Cupcakes
My favourite BL webcomic is That Awkward Magic! It is currently being self-published on Webtoon.
My favourite GL webcomic is The Witch, which too is being self-published on Webtoon.
My favourite Danmei book is The Grandmaster Of Demonic Cultivation.
My favourite Danemi author is Priest. Yes I love MXTX to death, but Priest has me by chokehold.
And there will Hozier every now and then.
My DM is open for fic requests and meme requests!
I accept fic requests for my main ship LawLu/LuLaw. I love getting feedback on my stories. Though, I don’t appreciate or want to see rude comments disguised as constructive criticism.
I will take screenshots of it, and I will cry about it like an injured dog on Twitter! I am a pathetic person. So yeah, you have Fic requests, my DMs are open.
You can ask for memes too! I make them for fun!
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🌻
i kind of wish growing up with ghosts and demons was normal. it's so like ... hm. so, most people are stuck at the question “do ghosts exist?” and no matter how much they argue and ponder it's all still based on trying to answer that simple yes or no question.
but when you know 100% for certain that (at least) ghosts, demons and guardians exist it unlocks SO many interesting questions afterwards.
it feels strange trying to dig deeper and deeper into these questions, desperately searching for and sometimes uncovering answers. trying to build my framework of understanding, trying to engage in spiritual/psychic practices. and not really having too many reference materials or people i can practice with within western society. or really even just people to talk to about it in earnest.
the closest thing I'd run into most of the time is some new age bullshit but i want to know the truth, ykwim? like i do have some legit The Real Deal references to go off of and cross reference with other references, and I've learned a lot both in theory and practice about it but god is it hard without someone to guide you.
ever since i was a kid it's like. i just had observation, cause and effect at my disposal in trying to process all of this. and while i learned a lot, i feel like I'm scratching the surface of something that runs incomprehensibly deep. i don't know what specific information I'm looking for exactly, I just feel like if i keep following the path I'm on, eventually there will be something that thrusts my across that line and into what I've been looking for - and i feel like at that point i would start to accumulate new True knowledge a lot faster than I've been able to in these 29 years so far and i don't know what the implications would be on my life but i find the thought fascinating. it's also been foretold by someone whose readings have always been very specific and accurate 🙇🏾♀️ though I'm not on this path for that reason nor is it anywhere near being a main reason.
there are only some periods of my life so far where I'm in a good place to explore this, so it's not like it's actually been 29 years of effort, but I've been coming back to it whenever life seemingly settles down enough for me to have the capacity to do so. i really look forward to the next phase of research and experimentation, but it's also the hardest/most obscure feeling phase to get into so far ૮ – ﻌ–ა i am excited though and i hope that i find a way to break past that wall.
i need to know.. i feel like, how do u grow up with stuff of this realm(s) being a very normal part of life and not walk away from it with deep curiosity? but there's only so much you can understand with a mortal body alone, and western society isn't exactly the kind of society that encourages you to interact with “the divine” (or whatever u wanna call it) yourself directly and instead directs you to listen to a priest or something.
nonetheless, my research will continue. this has been something of a lifelong passion of mine and i don't think I'll ever stop trying to go deeper with it, and i wish that people were more intellectually curious about this stuff instead of the knee jerk skepticism you usually see at first mention of anything paranormal, let alone psychic, let alone [insert everything else here].
i do get to talk about ghosts every now and then with people, but these are usually ppl who briefly lived somewhere haunted or weren't sure of what they saw. i think in my whole life so far, I've only gotten to talk about my thoughts and framework etc etc earnestly with one person - who themselves also have an extremely interesting background that adds even more to my existing framework. I remember being really excited that night to talk to it, and it is one of my beloved mutuals actually ‹: ♡
it's not that i think no one is curious about my framework specifically, but this is actually deadass one of the most personal secret things i could open up to you about and i don't feel like i want to go much deeper than “oh, yeah lol ghosts exist” with the average person because i don't think their brain would really process it when they're already struggling so much with step 1 lmaooo. (which is also why I'm being very vague throughout all this)
it's like if you just found out the sky (supposedly) exists and you're trying to understand what space is through the naked eye alone. that wouldn't do, i couldn't define it clearly but there is definitely a prerequisite before i trust you (generally, not u specifically) with my actual deepest thoughts and questions on everything, or before i even start trying to explain my framework to you.
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"June 2nd tweets...here we go...",
"I‚m nothing like Ashton Kutcher, not even in my own right, especially nowadays.-",
"-But in my old Twitter days (back in 2012), I‚d tweet this following train of thought often. It went along the lines of: Ashton Kutcher is actually famous, ‚a somebody,‚ who needs to safeguard his reputation from libel, ‚and probably has and pays ‚Äòagents‚ of his own choosing‚ to-",
"-to monitor his likes and reputation. I‚m so not Ashton Kutcher in that regard or any regard. Yet I have people ‚steering my life as a whole.‚ I did not select them, and I do not even know them. They‚ve been doing what they want with a regular nobody‚life for 11+ years. -",
"-What do you make of that? Why am I not protected by my American citizenship amidst mindless zombies who just see - say it slowly: 11 years of secrets on a massive scale- everything as ‚cute‚ or casual. I mean to see this as cute... what kind of a rosy picture are you getting?-",
"-Do U know what great lengths the orchestrators took 2make me look crazy? The actual things done recently, &over these past 11 years? Where is that famous American altruism? Did they tell people these things? Not going to say it myself at this point, let the orchestrators do it.-",
"-Do they tell people, that I wrote complaints 2the FBI &that they hijacked my phone calls 2the police or rerouted them? Do they tell people about my run in w/the police at my old house &what they did with me, 4talking about ‚the situation‚ with my parents and telling the truth?-",
"-Do people care to ask? Are the orchestrator waiting for my permission to disclose? I mean, I give the orchestrators permission to disclose their aforementioned misdeeds. In cr*p American psychology, they‚re usually concerned about psychological impacts and trauma. -",
"-These racist f*ks didn‚t give a d*mn with me cuz I wasn‚t a blonde girl. Sick people on me, I dare you. Im not attached to conveniences of my life through years of meditative practices. Watch, despite that, for who I am during our 1st &actual confrontation/meeting. &my parents?-",
"-While you‚ve been living and continuing with your lives, while giving me a hard time, remember all these things you had me face. To speak in terms of your background, you had an altar server face the police, so don‚t dare to judge me for what I say or write. -",
"-and throughout all these experiences, I was compliant throughout everything-that too for 11 years. It just goes to show you, words usually being the answer, can only do so much. You deal with man-demons, don‚t waste time on word",
"next thing...-",
"-So on 6/1, I find out a doctor who my family knows, died on the evening of 5/31. She‚Harvard educated-all that work and to only pass away in her 40s. She‚a doctor and her husbands a doctor. They have two small kids, 10 and under. -",
"-She has the figure of someone, out of this world: like nice face, nice voice, only says nice things, goes out of her way for others, and smiles through everything. God bless her soul. -",
"-You see it as a privilege to be close with someone with those qualities and wish you could‚ve had the opportunity, outside of this situation.-",
"-Thats 1 woman who dies without seeing me on the other side of theSituation. Life, every second of thought/words/action is a gift thats normally invigorating. But its never long enough. Its in such a world, where 11+ years are taken out of ur life by genuine demons. They smile,-",
"-may seem altruistic, but the reality is, a normal human being cannot inflict pain on another, for an extended amount of time, without reason, simply for everyone to watch. They are Legion from the Bible, enveloping the masses.",
"oh and something else -",
"-I used to think of Americans as world saving altruists, and the setting here, on a good day without crime, to be like heaven with all its people. But in the last 11+ years, there‚something very wrong with the general mindset. -",
"-It doesn‚t seem like the common man is ‚awake‚-May sound like something from The Matrix. Everyone here is so plugged in and lacking in insight. I mean of all people, it was Americans that allowed this situation to fall on another American. -",
"-Rather than following your heart, your human spirit, you mindlessly/mechanically do what some...people?! ... tell you to do. Christ talks about the flesh and spirit being at war. But here, in America, the country lacks a soul. The nation‚people lack maturity.-",
"- but in the face of big progress like the aforementioned, why halt or delay change, because of a sudden concern how billion dollar companies will suffer. When two competing small businesses on the same street result in one failing, that same concern doesn't exist. -",
"-It's seen as the price of advancement and change.",
I once said we as a people always have what we need 2 progress or2 rise out of a situation however little/however much. It's about keeping our eyes open & exerting effort. I have the Alexia meditation seat. 4 the life of me I can't sit w/my legs folded. This $300 chair helps.-
https://t.co/q0wKoYyslj
"- its a bit of a relaxed example, but point being, if you can sit with comfortably with your legs folded, why do you need the meditation chair?",
"I don‚t think people get the value of someone‚undivided attention; their ability to listen.-",
"- sometimes with our own children, we dismiss everything as something inane or silly or not worth putting on the top of our list, as we‚re juggling work or making them dinner-",
"- but one thing I realized with some of my little cousins, looking at them, listening and responding to what they have to say, really makes them happy-",
"- in the workplace, you might be surprised how much of what‚said back and forth isn‚t of substance. You start off with one person speaking vaguely, then the next guy responds vaguely, might throw in a vague American reference-",
"- with politicians, I‚ve seen a clip where someone is asked something, and they‚re so out of it, they‚ll need to hear it again, and then they just keep repeating a reference that had no meaning and it‚taken as a joke. In our world, everyone just dismisses it.-",
"- Listening can have mutual benefits.",
"So, saw \"Jason Gordon Levitt\" on the news, after the repetitive topics of rigged elections, the name Hunter Biden, a symptom being live from a possible illness, the war on Ukraine causing grain shortages...there might've been one more topic that was cycled throughout the day...-",
"- Jason Gordon Levitt targets the AI effect on Hollywood workers...He says \"If AI uses your work, then you should get paid.\" I think that sums it up from which a lot of things can be extrapolated. -",
"- He says whatever is used to train the algorithm, ultimately one day producing whole movies, should be content that is paid to its source. -",
"-So this sounds like a patent. If ur sequence of camera movements, lightening techniques, wardrobe styles, acting styles, even faces of actors, the story lines of past movies, familiar phrases, accents, etc. are all used 4 the algorithm, U should patent it or do its equivalent.-",
"-if equivalent of a patent is applied 2 things AI replaces, U should find a way 2 attach ur individual or organizations name 2 something, so that U get royalty payments. Just seems like common sense; those who contributed 2 AI's algorithm, directly/indrectly, should be rewarded.",
"Life is like a field and we are all seeds in that field trying to sprout grow and become something. Why it rains in some areas more than others who knows.-",
"-Why it doesn't rain in some areas at all who knows. Why the earth under some seeds is more fertile.. who knows. Everyone has something and nothing going for them.-",
"-As a friend once said, ‚I‚m thankful for the things that I have but also the things I don‚t have. It‚what makes me, me.‚-",
"-Don‚t waste time hating someone for what you perceive as them having and not having because whatever it is you have/don‚t have are the tools you need to sprout grow and become something. After all, ¬†seeds do not waste time wondering what other seeds are doing.",
"I used to like to write very much. I loved twitter because it gave me a way to connect to new people and gain attention for my philosophical and perspective oriented mind. -",
"-How then can I continue to see here, as heaven-like. ive in each second, be conscious of what you do, follow your heart.Some of you hear this or something else, and look to it because it‚‚nice sounding‚ or ‚tantalizing‚ based on the subject. -",
"-But I speak/write to instill it‚meaning, to make a point, for others to learn from. Wake up, live a life of meaning.-",
"-Don‚t do things ‚for show‚ as ‚this situation‚ relays everything ‚for show.‚ Do things cuz it‚right or cuz it matters. Me? From all this? I just want a natural setting as described several times. -",
"-Relaying accomplishments, possible purchases, or whatever, has nothing to do with the goal set by me. It just builds random hype around a regular guy. -",
"-The orchestrators go against my whole way of doing things. Im a liberal when it comes to religion, but I go by whats said Biblically with respect to this. Do things good, do things in secret, to please your Heavenly Father who sees what‚secret, and He will reward you. -",
"-The orchestrators just can‚t respect my faith and wishes.",
"and something that happened the other day...-",
"-Went down to my basement - the other day-to do one thing, ended up doing 10 different things roaming through the mind, for other things present in life-",
"-I mean I have a focus now: Working, and working out. Based on those 2 goals, normally I‚d ignore other thoughts/ideas to possibly 10 other goals you didn‚t consider‚Äîhence how a person focuses. -",
"-(And then there are the thoughts/ideas/whatever cluttering ur mind b/c of orchestrators & the daily problems created & sourced in them, that is also taxing on ur focus-too much upstairs-& thats when every1‚having U explain every word, every action- peace of mind is priceless.-",
"-at Iona Prep High School, my GPA, weighted, was a 4.2 out of 4.0...at the party school where my parents paid for a private appointment and food delivery, having to only study, I should‚ve had at least a 4.0 GPA. -",
"-Knowing what theyve invested in me, I don‚t know why my parents are allowing this 2 happen 2 their son for 11 years. For 11 years, my mother has shown me a worse attitude then usual, minus loving listening or conversation or empathy...this is my world, but back to the point..)-",
"-But then when you‚re in a problem multiplied by a worsening factor against you by 11 years, you think to show other aspects of you. Attending to ‚the thing‚, ‚ the situation‚,‚the unknown‚ is time consuming and expensive. -",
"-Be it writing away your life or buying your coffee to meet people you‚re pretty sure will not talk to you. Truth be told, times 11 years, \"the situation\" and ur life in it, is all unrewarding. -",
"-Fills the mind with too many things to do...I mean when you do stuff, you orient your focus accordingly. But with the unknown and its variables, too many things demanding of your focus.",
"on a related note, but also transitioning to normal tweets for the day-",
"-Clear and settle your mind, you slowly but surely, make progress in getting things done, and ultimately get things done...writing such things down can provide a release in normal situations, where everything‚not relayed-like in the Harry Potter series,-",
"-Dumbledore uses what‚called a ‚Pensieve‚ (a bowl of water where thoughts can be transferred to, until needed, or desired, for whatever be the purpose, ultimately clearing the mind...-",
"-I remember writing that in my first Twitter or the first time I had Twitter, with 16000 followers+...life repeats when no solutions...say the same old things cuz no one listens or likes to follow or hold onto tantalizing cr*p instead...-",
"on another note, talked to someone the other day and he suggested not to overdo something else...he‚cool, but it makes you wonder in these situations while something else is going on...is it a natural assumption or the result of a picture put in his head by someone else?!-",
"-(to the orchestrators, I‚m as good as a I say I am i.e. I take on and handle multiple kinds of sh*t)...really affects how one sees things I.e. this nonsense...-",
"-I mean, was talking to this hot girl for months a few years back and couldn‚t help but wonder if the correspondence was ‚for real‚ or because it was for entertainment...for whatever reason, she never disclosed the truth about \"the situation\" either...",
"so a thought on education...Education is not just math and science. It‚about being a thoughtful, well rounded individual. &the beauty of it is, you don‚t need a degree for that. Life experience, insight, or something else could do it too. Seeing it as anything less is ur ego.-",
"-2try 2achieve status of \"educated\", &then constantly be put in midst of those who are uneducated or who act as such can be frustrating..gotta expand the world..could lead 2meaningful conversations..rather than mechanical/uninterpreted literal understandings/talks of the Bible.-",
"-the orchestrators, in their childish way of doing things come off as uneducated. may have big degrees to use this kind of tech...but once again, it goes to show \"educated\" is not just about degrees, its how you use knowledge/experience.",
"more normal tweets in addition to the previous...-",
When you need a dual or triple monitor setup on the go or say studying/working at a coffee shop:Try the Mobile Pixels Trio monitor:
https://t.co/c92TPQ0uU2
Want to keep your coffee drinks oh warm for an extended amount of time? Try the ‚Ember mug‚ on Amazon...
https://t.co/RZmZifRT7k
"If u drinkTea, some teas require u 2 boil water&let teaBags sit 4at least 3min. But 4freshly brewed coffee or tea, it takes a while 4the beverage 2be only drinkably warm. Like 20 minutes 2 half anHour. I didn‚t want 2wait, so I thought Id give ‚HyperChiller‚ a try. $25 on Amazon.",
"So, I incorporated orangeJuice in2 my mornings, &thought Id invest in something w/comparably less sugar. Found Trop50 from Tropicana. Normal orange juice has 20+ grams of sugar. Trop50? 10 grams. Sucky part is that the Trop50 containers aren‚t as big as their biggest containers.-",
"-Trop50 tastes just as good as the original recipe...you wonder why they got to sell a version with extra sugar that has no added benefit...",
"If you‚re typing something in the Notes app, or I guess wherever on your iPhone, did you know, to undo typing, you just have to shake your iPhone up and down a few times?",
"If you have the AirPods Max headphones, did you know you cannot turn them off with a button? To conserve battery life and put them in standby, you gotta out them in the small case that it comes with.",
June 2nd early morning tweets right side up on tumblr blog link below:
https://t.co/Jvx1ULBOt2
"June 3rd tweets...as follows...-",
"-You know something, I mentioned how I like the name Rachel and once ‚knew of‚(not know) a girl named Rachel.I remember being in one of the reading rooms in the library at Binghamton, during my last year there. -",
"-Before I figured this girl was going out with someone, random girls would shout the name ‚Rachel‚ in the quiet of the reading room- alluding to my interest reaching an audience-",
"-...but in hindsight, why shout the name...was i to react to it in someway? Or was it because this cr*p started a little earlier?! I mean, what?, shout the name and see how I react? On ‚what ‚Äòlevel?‚‚ This girl would always post a profile pic with two of her best friends.-",
"-On one occasion, I told a guy I was interested in this girl. One of her best friends was sitting a distance away, diagonally, at another table, in the food court. I‚ve always wondered if this girl had super sonic hearing...-",
"-or is something relaying what I‚m saying...the very next day, after my conversation,-",
"-I go to the coffee kiosk in the library and there are girls acting differently...when the girl dates a mechanical engineering major, after Easter or spring break, I go through the dining hall and there are random girls with the look, ‚lol you lost ur chance‚...-",
"-then when I‚m at the Starbucks up in Binghamton, there‚another best friend taking a picture of me through the glass window of the starbucks. Was that to show her friend that I‚m not bothered about anything or because they were feeding into a medium? It could be-",
"-the medium as there were other kids with cameras...I think I remember telling my own friends about it. When I wrote about the girl on Facebook in Albany, a friend from a part time job in Binghamton messaged me on Facebook saying it‚a bad idea. -",
"-I guess I forgot 2remove him before writing was intended. But the thing with this is, in my calculus class in Albany, there was white male - little older than the rest- on 1day, who seemed enthusiastic to talk to me. Post writing on Facebook, he looked serious and ignoring me.-",
"-How could all of these social or environmental reactions happen within a day?! While I was in freedom apartments in Albany, there was what sounded like these slight male/female voices for a brief time while I was only there. Were those my roommates or...-",
"-questions questions, is cr*p American psychology waiting for something like this as part of their ridiculous methodology for some sissy American girl treatment? Trust me, in saying that I‚m not advertising myself as ‚gangsta.‚ What do you think of me? -",
"-You see a soft angle to a multi angle personality and think I‚m going to sensitively handle or cannot handle everything? What is my focus, and who is my audience?- remember that from the complaint form writing?! Am I not repeating everything from 11 years ago?-",
"-Compared 2habits now like buying sh*t, back then I was working out &swimming @ the local YMCA. So what is this cr*p about?! When I went to the FBI office in Bethlehem, NY , before the agent I spoke with, spoke to me, him &a woman on the upper floor of that area had these looks -",
"-on their faces like why is ‚he‚ here... when I wrote on a complaint form he suggested-probably as part of the f*kin country‚conspiracy to get me to write all day everyday- about certain kids, they walk past me, enraged, the next day. -",
"-When I went to guilderland police department in the middle of the night, there was an officer behind a computer screen and an female officer talking to me. After talking to me partially, the female officer goes to the guy at the computer and I hear ‚what! You means it‚true?!‚-",
"-Then she returns and tells me that what I‚m saying is nothing. This much denying and getting people to follow instructions. I tell people to do something good with their lives, for themselves, they won‚t do it. But you manage the world to be fake around me!-",
"-How is that, why is that? Remember you racist f*, in the end of this, one of us will be ruined. Whites and blacks, see your country in all its glory.",
"now in shifting the mood, focus...moving onto the next thing...",
"so a thought on relationships...-",
"-I believe before meeting a woman to be your girl friend or wife, having a career or at least a promising academic career, is essential. I means it‚different if ur just friends. When I first started college with my first major of engineering, it wasn‚t going well. -",
"-In trying 2also have a good routine/schedule/full life, I still made time 4working out, part time jobs, &a girl friend. But as engineering went south, despite the great girl friend (she would walk from her off campus apartment to the campus library to study with me at 6 am),-",
"-I didn‚t feel comfortable being in a relationship or asking someone out, when priority wise, my academic career was on the line. I want to have a life like my friend Sean and his wife. -",
"- Both of them have degrees, both of them are lawyers, both of them have each other‚back in all aspects-what a quality life you can build like that. They were best friends when we were all in college-What a privilege. -",
"-In my opinion, a career or academic career is essential 2a relationship, because when, in whatever regard, things get serious, u have a way of supporting each other or a potential way of supporting each other. When married or in a relationship, I want 2be an asset 2my partner, -",
"-I want 2make her day, and I want her to make mine. Even with the concept of flings, a career or academic career is essential. I mean regarding that, I feel Im from a different time. Amongst present college kids and that age group, things seem to be liberal and ok being liberal.-",
"-I mean, I went 2college in 2006 when Facebook 1st started- from a different time. When I‚d interact with kids as a Residential Consultant ( label for IT Support part time jobs for college dorms) while living in the dorms in 2007 and 2008, I noticed every year, students change-",
"- in personalities. I think 2006 freshman were the last of an era, at least at Binghamton. I went to schools in the 90s where they tell you to act responsibly and be mindful of the consequences of your actions in a relationship and elsewhere- different time.-",
"-When I transferred to the party school, maybe my peers of the time thought I‚m a freshman or that I‚m a teenager. But I was in my very early 20s. I grew up with a private education and transferred to a state school- a different sub culture. -",
"- I was in grade school when Britney Spears came out with ‚Oops I did it again,‚ the age of the Spice Girls, and the maca rana (the dance, if that‚how it‚spelled). If a fling goes south, with no career or academic career, how do you take care of things?...-",
"-I mean in most cases, not the kinda thing you‚d ideally want to go to your parents about. In the time I grew up, having a lot of girl friends or flings put women off. It ruins ur chances of meeting that dream girl for the future. -",
"-But nowadays, I think people think or are taught differently or are set one way by their friends. Honestly, I don‚t know what to make of things anymore - not in a good way or a bad way. -",
"-I think women as a whole have changed. U always hear guys are after only 1 thing, but there was 1 girl I liked, who I wasn‚t sure liked me, there were some interactions like we became Facebook friends, then all of a sudden she deletes me without cause &goes a step further to -",
"-block me- a little extreme. You get curious and manage to see the profile pic of her under the covers with the lead guy in a band. To make someone jealous? Or wanting to fulfill a - I guess - a girls dream of being with a guy in a band?..-",
"-no offense to him, but I don‚t think on my worst day, I‚d lose a girl to him, but whatever. Even compared to her, or in general, I don‚t get how girls pick guys. -",
"-Point being women can be strange and have changed over time. On that note, I think it happened in April. In Binghamton, it was a time for spring dances at the school, and I couldn‚t help but think, amidst her friends, -",
"-this girl would wanted to take part in something like that or might feel left out. There was a time I‚d see her going up the stairs to the dorm as I‚d go down, and she was carrying a red suitcase with I think wheels and a handle. -",
"-Might remember it wrong. I thought maybe she has a strict family and they make her go home on the weekends in the beginning and she just wants to live her life to the fullest, like in what she may feel her friends are doing. -",
"-While I‚m a solo act since the first grade despite passing friends and the interest of others(due to the story that comes after this whole thought/section), she needs friends and clearly gets supportive friends..I mean I could be reading into the whole thing...-",
"-but that was my impression...when her mother (or I think it was cuz it‚different from the pictures online) came to pick her up at the end of the school year, I kind of waved goodbye to her, and as they were driving, they paused for a moment, and I couldn‚t help but wonder if-",
"-her mother wasn‚t asking her about the boy that waved at her. My school wasn‚t going well and I couldn‚t dance. I was hoping she would find someone, but letting go of an interest for responsibility is a sacrifice that requires effort.-",
"-I mean you wait for a combination of characteristics and the universe delivers at the most inconvenient time. When I‚d go to Church around that time, out of my interest and resulting thoughts for the girl, I‚d pray she‚d find someone good for her.-",
"-Kind of feel like doing stuff like that as part of the aforementioned effort a sentence or two ago. If there was anything to be angry about, it was the psychotic after effect. She gets the guy and randomness follows for me.-",
"-In order to be away from familial and cultural obligations on a level beyond college, I need a career, and for that I need a good degree, all so that I can live and experience life to the fullest. I couldn‚t help but feel there were those who‚d read into my actions. -",
"-All that said, pull something like that while dating me, I‚m Not so well wishing or understanding, or forgiving that is if it happened to a couple dating. -",
"-My whole life of going to catholic schools and all boys high school, I aimed for the dream of making the prettiest woman my best friend in college and marrying her.-",
"-Then this present day 11+ year ‚situation‚ happened, messing up my academics, limiting my career options, keeping women as a whole away from me...I mean, such was my dream, as mentioned, as a kid and in my teenage years and 20s. -",
"-Now I‚m in my very early 30s and my dream about a woman seems to carry no value or effect. The dream just seemed like a waste of time (although no dream, especially marrying a best friend should be) cuz life itself went out of its way to go upside down for me. -",
"-I mean in hindsight, you wonder, did you have high morals, think too much, or are you in fact right that the rest of the world didn‚t think enough or think things through. I mean, in all humility, 11+ years ago, I was a pretty decent looking guy...-",
"-.if nothing else, I had the thickest of hair and it was long...at that time, I had so many female prospects but stayed focused on my dream...-",
"-here I am 11+ years later, bald, losing muscle and gaining weight from inflicted lifestyles by the orchestrators, tired, and having the world on one team or one side while I‚m on another.-",
"-It makes you think about morals, right and wrong, and a bunch of things like that, as ur left alone and bored out of ur mind, feeling like in a pretty jail cell‚bed, for all these years. -",
"-I think right & wrong, boils down 2 whats right ‚for an individual,‚ at a particular point in their life. In life, there are rules, religion, traditions, cultures...but ur job as a person is 2 live in each second, making both smart & wise decisions, as appropriate 4 ur life, -",
"-without caring about what others think. Don‚t model your life on anyone, but your goals and dreams.Going back to the main point, Time and opportunities were stolen from me, and here I am today, in a different world, with the dream squashed.",
"Regarding something mentioned in the previous section/thought/set of tweets, here's a tale from the past:-",
"-You wanna know how long my dream of marrying my best friend dates back? Here‚a story. Although born and brought up here, when I was in pre-k, I didn‚t speak that much English, because I spent time with my paternal grandmother mostly. -",
"-She would speak to me in our Indian dialect, and with my parents being Indian immigrants, she was of the belief, ‚why does their son need to learn English?‚ In pre-K, there was an Indian girl that I friended and spent all of my time with. -",
"-Our parents friended each other and carpooled and we went over each other‚houses and birthday parties. While she gathered together in a circle with her girl friends, I‚d hover around her.-",
"-In the same way, I expect potential girl friends and my wife to teach me how to dance, my kindergarten friend would teach me how to bike ride and roller blade. She was my courage. -",
"-When we were in kindergarten, if she was absent from school, I would run away from school. I managed, on one such occasion, to escape my kindergarten teacher‚notice, and ran for home, as the school was 5 min away from my old house near central ave in Yonkers.-",
"-My dad was walking home and caught sight of me, and I forget if he took me back to school or took me home with him. When I graduated from that school, the kindergarten teacher was sure to write about that in my year book. That was my relationship with this girl. -",
"-Then, as first grade approached, her father, a doctor, had a job transfer far away. She was going to leave me. It was something I had to accept about my first friend as first grade approached.-",
"-But at that time, I decided I would find a replacement to be my best friend, and marry her. That‚the origin of the dream the orchestrators squashed.",
"and now, normal tweets...-",
"Was listening 2\"All 10's\" playlist on Spotify the other day. Heard this girly song called Shower, by an artist w/a very girly name of \"BeckyG\"..Despite transitioning from Memories-Kid Cudi/David Guetta-I couldn't help but think ofMyself dancing w/a potential daughter 2that song.",
"Bad Blood music video from Taylor Swift...with all those Wonder Woman like women in the video, makes a guy wish he was taller to be with them...",
"I heard on the news that you should wash you hands with soap for 30 seconds after touching money, as cash and coins have been handled by who-knows-how-many-people-doing-whatever... I wonder if anyone else does it...kind of a pain, and more incentive to use the card...-",
"-especially if you get rewards for using it or get benefits...",
"How do eat your yogurt? When I eat my cup of Greek yogurt, with one lick off the spoon-without too much tongue exposure-I consume my yogurt. I mean, I eat it kind of like a chocolate soft cone from Carvel, not like cereal.",
"Yeah life is a journey...awaiting my destination, as I‚ve been traveling for 11+ years...",
"Why isn‚t there a Wegmans in Yonkers/Bronxville?! You can still shop there through InstaCart App...you get some exotic stuff like Japanese energizing cold green tea in a can...",
June 3rd tweets...wondering thoughts relationships past normal tweets...all right side up on tumblr blog link below:
https://t.co/absWu0Ti8Z
"June 4th tweets...onwards...",
"Can‚t emphasize this enough...I don‚t know the alleged group of kids, the girl, or any of the other orchestrators...that being said, if it‚not directly from me, probably not true. To state the obvious, how do you know as much as you do, about your best friend?-",
"-Through interacting with them directly. Who else would know things better than the two people involved? I think the stalkerish kids of the past or orchestrators figured out that I just wanted to study IN ‚college.‚ I mean there‚my stalked habits, my writings. -",
"-I think I‚m pretty clear. I think some wanted to pose a hindrance to studying. Don‚t quote me on this, but I think I was broadcasted as not liking noise. Why? To get the randomly hateful following to make noise. Always from afar, and never understood the reason for the spite.-",
"-Probably the reasoning behind getting me to hear sounds in the house. A group of kids empowered, perpetuated by established individuals of a school. Then the continual teaming up against me as a school, a city, a country...the massive game is a hate crime...",
"moving on...-",
"- for a while, you think all of this is one angry girl...but why? how is she mind controlling or getting people across places to do her bidding? I mean the no studying, tons of noise, wanting you to cry, all girls not talking to you, boy and girls making out in front of you...-",
"- this whole thing about friends...i mean if someone's my friend, cool, but if not, i'm not on any initiative to make the world my friend, as this program/\"situation\" puts out...because they attract attention, i gotta tell people things like the obvious amidst rumors...-",
"- and another thing...be it the girl, kids, the school, is it because i complained about you that you're having me write away my life for 11+ years? Satisfied? I mean all of this seems much. When the party school got involved, a man with the last name \"Berg\", said, so that I can-",
"- hear, \"oh we went the wrong direction. we were helping them?! but you can't talk to him about it cuz one of the school VP's forbade you from speaking to faculty at the school about your \"situation.\" This was a professor speaking. So was there a girl? Kids? Are the professors-",
"- going crazy and acting on your suspicions of kids? Was there a girl/kids? Are the professors actually talking to these kids, making the kid's situation worse, and realizing they have to legitimize their actions of inadvertently furthering the kids agenda of ruining me?-",
"- i mean WTF?! why are these people against me and screwing with the people of a person's world? I MEAN YOUR ENTIRE WORLD! Regarding the professors, I would sit in their faculty area and study. Never caused any problem. Why are they talking 2strange kids?! If the have the nerve-",
"- of saying so you can hear that they went the wrong direction, why can't they listen to your request of making things \"natural?\" or back to the way things were, before these kids?!",
"next thing...",
"-I wonder...would anyone be jealous or envious of my position in all this? If that‚the case, ur not being told the whole story. The orchestrators don‚t tell you what they do to me out of fearing the crowds. -",
"-I‚m pretty sure a filtered version of my writing-in favor of the orchestrators-is what‚being passed around. Back with my 2012 twitter and now, I never could understand why anyone would feel anything negative, as a reaction. Regarding money and opportunity in this, in 2012, -",
"-for the school and the upstate city of Albany teaming up on one side against me and then causing chaos on the day of final exams in 2012, I was going to sue them for my tuition money. -",
"-When being u, u think of the people in the apartment area or the surrounding city, u figure, despite instruction following, they don‚t know any better,and on some unknown premise, they think they‚re ‚helping‚ by never talking 2 u. So how can you be mad at an entire city then?-",
"-You then think, to confront this, you gotta hold the source accountable, for misleading all these links in the chain. Despite the world turning Upside down, my beef/squabble/whatever, is with the ones in charge for screwing me and putting this sin on everyone‚heads. -",
"-This too, I wrote in my hacked and possibly relayed police complaint. -",
"-I remember, coming back from the party school, I started submitting my tale through a series of character limited crime tips, kind of like my series of backward tweets. -",
"-As I‚d write in the crime tips in my old house, traffic on my street would increase with suspicious looking youth, as it coincided. Years later, I remember when I was at my allergist, I told a saint of an Irish woman of a nurse a tale about emails I sent a girl. -",
"-No offense to them, but I think they were talking to someone over what I told her. Not even she could tell me what was actually happening. Good people do this too. It overloads the brain, and everything you figure. becomes fair game.-",
"-That‚just it, it‚a game. You think it‚fun. America is all about fun, not compassion. Life in general is not like, say India,especially now. Here life continues, people wear masks, get vaccinated. There life came to a pause and people die left and right.-",
"-You as a people take part in this nonsense, cuz in one or more regards, ur life is perfect, otherwise why not see the whole thing as bull sh*t?-",
"-For the second chance at a college with a new major, I told my parents Id take a loan, & they volunteered a private apartment and delivery of food, so that I could study in peace. 50 grand & making everything natural was my goal or what I sought from the, then, orchestrators,-",
"-to overcome my wasted school tuition loan. Admission into a solid business school was what I requested. It never amazes me, that despite me explicitly saying what I‚m after and experiencing, you continue this illegal activity. -",
"-After 11 years, perhaps the orchestrators realize 50 grand and restoration to natural, was pretty reasonable. Now it will be much more, for placing someone else‚interests over a student‚mental, physical, and academic well being.-",
"-The money and opportunity I‚m seeking? From lawsuits and easy to win. Opportunities? I‚ll start domestic and international businesses. -",
"-Wait till they tell you everything. I think the word for someone, who just does, whatever another says, in slang, is ‚tool.‚ Are you a ‚tool?‚ Leader or follower? How are you living/showing that? I think some of you enjoy the power over another individual.-",
"-Some of you like having me in the wrong. It could be due to whatever bias. But for your overall happiness and satisfaction and mine, you got something to say to me, be direct.-",
"-Doing something from afar or concealing ur true misplaced negativity, elevates me, because in comparison, you have no b*lls. You know how Ive been living for 11+ years? Assuming the worst. -",
"-I feel, in this case:‚Pessimism is the road to take, in order to obtain the fruits of optimism, in one‚reality.I assume, I‚m relayed in any/all shape or form all day/everyday, that everyone‚in the know about just about-",
"-everything. I say ‚just about,‚ because I don‚t think the orchestrators tell you about my run in with the police, or what they had done to me during my time away from work. Compliance? You practice it for 11+ years. But, be sure I‚m grinding the axe.-",
"-No surprises, no disappointments in the end, due to the aforementioned pessimistic route.. Just actions to take. You know what the sounds do when I write sh*t like this... they play a ‚oh really I can take it sound...‚ we‚ll see. -",
"-You screwing with me like this, regarding the people of the world, it indicates you intend to conceal the truth. Like I keep saying, in me understanding this, one of us between the orchestrators and me, is guaranteed to be ruined.-",
"-If you, the orchestrator or follower, feel any thing negative toward me, why would you want to elevate me, in any regard? Interactions with me should be direct. I‚m all ears, and otherwise ready, with 11+ years and mankind‚betrayal fueling me. -",
"-I may not be as strong as before, but I go into things, having lost it all, nothing to gain, and With 100% of me. ith what I believed to be the FBI leaving me to rot, the local police not helping, my school not helping, the school‚VP and Conflict Resolution not helping, -",
"-and me not being consulted about this cr*p about people acting oddly, I used to carry a baseball bat in my car, if any of these instruction following idiots took things too far. My father, in denying anything‚going on, hid it, years ago.-",
"-You come at me with cr*p, it will be reciprocated, win, lose, big, small, whatever...a shove, a kick, end of day, is a shove and a kick...so long as I get a scratch in, I can rest peacefully. -",
"-Now if that bothers any of you, does it even make sense for you to be bothered when ur taking the initiative to bother someone, who wants you to take no extra effort, and leave things natural and possibly even a little MYOB: mind ur own business?-",
"-In hindsight, seeing these idiot skinny little freshman at this party school, thinking they‚re doing something for you and you should worship them for it, when they‚re actually turning things upside down for the orchestrators: It compounds: they‚re kids, old people, -",
"-they‚re idiots, they‚re stupid, don‚t know any better, being manipulated...then they follow the random instructions, some even mocking you like they have power over you...you wait till they go that extra mile against you and beat the cr*p out of them.. -",
"-But it never came 2 that. I mean u can only push a person so far..u talk, write, 11 years, illegal things happen, the law doesn‚t protect u, u find ur on ur own, &thinking, grow a pair &come at me. In the end who‚fault will it be? Mine? 4 being abused &lied to for 11 years?-",
"-In every endeavor, from having to walk barefoot when the police came, to what was done to me while away from work, February to May...I was compliant throughout everything...in the end pointless. No mistakes on my part.-",
"Moving on from irritation,-",
"-This whole thing, 11+ years and all? For a while, I kept thinking, all of this is the girl network of a girl I ‚knew of.‚ -",
"-What Im calling the ‚girl network‚ is a network of women friends spreading &sharing things thru cell phones &texts &maybe even word of mouth, (If shes not involved in anyway, its not fair 2her, 2give her spotlight,when all of thisNonsense should not have been publicly relayed.)-",
"-Then this ‚1day magic‚ or results!- never really did make sense. But the interesting thing is, it would seem the orchestrators talk 2a group that has their own intentions &doesn‚t know me. I feel like everyone is acting like this girl, in her indirect means, from long ago.-",
"-Was ‚not being direct with me‚ broadcasted as the ‚way to go with me? It‚like everything from one time period just continued for all ages. One group, whoever they are, brings in their cr*p, to ‚legitimize what I did not want, by making everyone else do it.‚ -",
"-I‚m all about being direct, and natural. And then, there‚the school. Trying to legitimize what transpired at their school, with the instilling of instructions beyond the city of their school, and into my hometown of Yonkers. -",
"-They brought this nonsense to the country of my background in India. WRT Indian women, while women as a whole do not talk to me at this moment in time because the orchestrators tell them, (and while I‚m open to all women and men )for friendships and whatever , -",
"-some Indian women passing by,seemed angry when I was talking 2my friend, Nicole, or playing cards withHer. Thru this indirect anger, am I supposed 2understand this? Do any of u realize, this is all against myWill &what I know is thru my own brain processing &remembering things?-",
"-The orchestrators, this program, \"this situation\" perpetuates nonsense of the past, by having me talk about things over and over, through screwing with the natural setting of my environment, where people are susceptible to following the orchestrator's instructions...-",
"-If theyre broadcasting me as dropDeadGorgeous, I accept what Im today &what Im not. Stick with(w/) the present, what u learn from a direct interaction w/me, being direct w/me, -",
"-being natural w/me (coming 2 think or act based on what u experience upon seeing me, &/or from whats directly from me.)",
"On a separate note/section-food for thought: -",
"The orchestrators, or these kids, or possibly a girl from long ago-I dunno...I don‚t understand this hold you have over all these people. How do you get someone to do something because you want them to?-",
"-I may be in the mind cr*p, buts it‚the people of my world who do something because someone wants them to. When I give insight upon doing something that‚right for you, right for your life, without caring about what others-",
"-think, or about cultures and traditions, you won‚t adhere to it or take it seriously. You probably pass over it as ‚nice sounding.‚Someone says to make a face or something, you do it. I mean it‚like asking someone to bend over and you doing it. -",
"-Why? But clearly all of you, are you, and I‚m singled out as me.",
"and now, normal tweets: -",
"I feel law enforcement should place compassion over the their indulgence of authority over others...",
"Lamb gyros with tzatziki sauce from local Greek restaurant or a Greek rack of lamb...epic...",
"Sodastream is a great way to make your own soda. It‚healthy and tasty and sugar free. You just add these strawberry like ,blackberry like, watermelon like , pineapple like, etc. flavors...a good water substitute...",
"i saw a girl propose to a guy on facebook...i cannot imagine a girl even asking a guy out, let alone, proposing...such is real life vs. the TEXT...",
"-Being an American should be a privileged label requiring compassion and the Golden Rule. You‚re not just anyone, you are an American. Rise to the occasion, rather than indulging and being plugged into the Matrix of your world. Expand ur mind, gain insight. -",
"-These people involved in this should be ashamed to call themselves Americans. Would you allow this on ur kid or loved on?",
"Wipex Fitness Equipment Wipes - easy way to wipe down sweat from exercise machines in your home, that you finished using...",
"Heard of calm app, headspace app? try yoga international dot com or art of living courses...",
"The party school hacking my police complaint & telling students involved &students theyre talking to,that theyre in the complaint, increases the random vendetta of these kids, & gives them an incentive to mess up &control ur world..serious mishandling bySchool acting asPolice...",
"- now the professors, kids, or whoever the orchestrators are, are trying to save their a*ses from the content of the complaints, by legitimizing their past actions, through having the world take part, and making things about making a point with hacking people, computers, etc.",
Link to all tumblr blog posts:
https://t.co/SC6YkTDyr5
Early morning tweets from June 4th before 6:30 AM - all right side up on tumblr blog link below:
https://t.co/6kDiXgqllQ
"so despite me saying to \"act natural\" hundreds of times over these 11+years and recently, people prefer to take the effort, and waste the energy, to do what the orchestrators say, and act in a manner that suits the \"project/program/situation.\"-",
"-acting natural requires nothing from U. Just be U; don't hide that this \"situation\" for 11+ years occurred; and go by what comes to mind when U see me, or by a direct conversation/interaction. Simple. You can stop wasting your time on this pointless endeavor to pervert my life.-",
"-if that's too hard, go F*k urself. 11+ years of saying it? - I think is enough.",
"moving on...normal tweets...-",
"Bronxville Pondfield Road has several stores on both sides of the street. From outside, nice looking buildings, and you suspect the insides are about quality stuff. But the parking situation is ridiculous. To shop and spend money, U have to spend money on parking at the meters-",
"- &theres only like 20 meter parking spaces 4all these stores. Shouldn't the landlords or whoever contemplate the business that these stores are losing from lack of parking? -",
"-U drive all the way there, find out no parking...what do U do? Drive in circles until some1 vacates their meter parking space? What a waste of time...someone should do something for such a busy area...",
Try drinks from Rebbl...they can be coffee substitutes...you can get them at ShopRite but Wegmans has more variety in that brand...They're pretty expensive but I hope if more people buy them or see their value eventually the price will go down...
https://t.co/p6P78klaiQ
"I miss the days when Starbucks had an online store. Could have fresh coffee beans delivered to your residence...now you gotta go all the way to the store...-wait...did i tweet that already? if so, sorry for the repeat...",
"If you have an Alexa device, search the ‚Echo Wall Clock‚ on Amazon. It sets itself, especially when daylight savings time.",
"Have a ‚Hey Google‚ device? Try the ‚Philips Hue‚ smart bulb and multicolor smart bulb. The multicolor one provides different colors to the room on a ‚Hey Google‚ command. Search Amazon...",
"Im not sure if the orchestrators areTrying 2get me 2buy stuff or not, buts its like, from boxers to undershirts to socks to fleeces to shirts-theyve all goneMissing. I mean I know I had a ton of theseThings, when they all randomlyDisappear from ur laundry, U justThink, now what?!",
"so heard about the Blum Center and gave advice on healthier living...while their products are expensive, you learn about the benefits of all sort of stuff, even simple things like chia seeds and fiber and how they can keep you full and aid with morning bathroom rituals...-",
- from talk in previous tweet this is the Blum Center's link:
https://t.co/rRGIdABUjo
John Douillard and his LifeSpa in Colorado (offering Skype meetings) can also aid with better lifestyles and healthier living. It's rooted in Ayurveda and Yoga and Meditation. Check out their site:
https://t.co/JcihC62Llk
"Nothing like 90s music on Spotify...with the exception of their 2010s playlist for hits, Spotify is an indicator to me that music has gone downhill...",
"There‚something very attractive to me about a bottle of coke vs. the can... it‚just...aesthetically pleasing and tasty...",
"so there's like 10-20 normal tweets below. twitter has the most recent tweet on top. scroll down for the starting tweet with today's date...My twitter handle is @RennyJi or you can not follow me on twitter and still read with the web link:twitter dot com slash rennyji",
"in addition to the morning normal tweets, a thought-",
"So from my old complaints to the police elaborating on the science of a situation, it turns out I left out something that became transparent to me recently: This concept of filters people see through or the figurative lenses on the glasses they wear. -",
"- but I remember things and something interesting was said on the news today. To start with the latter: \"If the grass was green before you went to bed, [and you found it covered in a white blanket of snow], one could surmise that it snowed while you were asleep.\"-",
"- that cause & effect relationship was what gave the insights 2 my situation ages ago. I gave a lot of detail. Despite all that I identified, b/c not 1 person showed me the content or told me who's doing it, I couldn't prove my situation and end a decade plus worth of an ordeal.-",
"- while I go 2 new places 4 a new beginning, or explore my talents on a social TEXT platform, there's someone or someones coming with their own agenda, distorting the natural end result and occurrences that result from my actions or the domino I pushed, for an intended pattern.-",
"- I remember when I first started twitter in 2011-2012, I didn't have much followers. Then one day someone tried to direct 20 fake followers my way. Probably incentive to get me to write. -",
"-when I went to the FBI in that timeframe, one of their agents asked me if I was crazy for the Internet crime that I presented to him. Before he came down, I could see his confusion in seeing me over something he knew about and I didn't.-",
"- they directed me to,what was at the time,an unlimited Internet complaint form: IC3 forms. Again seems like incentive 2 write. I go 2 work, trying 2 mix quantity w/quality, jumping from 1 completed thing 2 the next. They have me waste time explaining myself w/words & writing.-",
"- I realize every facet of life in America wants to screw me into exposing my speech style, my writing style, for the purpose of understanding how I think. -",
"-Whereas David Hasslehoff (the Knight Rider) might have Adam Sandler fart on his face in the movie, \"Click,\" for, if nothing, money, that's not my style. -",
"-This phenomena has caused estranged relationships, a roadblock 2 living, a roadblock 2 prospering w/a career, earning what I should make...u have no idea how much hatred I have 4 this setting. But the mind controllers, sedate me & do their own form of sedation 2 make me docile.-",
"- what do the Americans mean by \"consciousness of guilt?\" Does it mean awareness of what they were doing? Does it mean awareness that you're doing something bad or of a crime nature? what about, then, the orchestrators of my situation? -",
"- Like others, I got out of school in my early to mid 20's to set forth on my life. To find someone to marry, to get a job, take care of my parents...-",
"-But instead, and I'm 35 now, I'm being just being used for cheap entertainment with everyone's help. You destroyed my life...where is the consciousness of guilt? To take out the years from your jail sentences, you prolong my situation, that too, with everyone's support.-",
"- you as a people think everything is your body. Indians and East Asians believe the soul transmigrates across bodies and lifetimes. You, Americans, think this all there is, and that the soul is the mind, and it stems from a developed mature mind. -",
"- the U come up w/ notions like \"consciousness of guilt.\" I'm not sure what to make of that. Are you saying that across a series of actions, you were aware what you were doing, or aware of what you're doing towards a particular goal? Aren't you always aware? Shouldn't you be?-",
"- my situation is in the process of being exploited to show one form of \"normal\" for every1 to accept to further large scale mind reading/mind control. -",
"-Ur led to believe by doctors & the orchestrators of this phenomena that letting urself go on \"autopilot\" is normal, whether it's driving or anything. Mindfulness is not a luxury, but a skill to employ on all occasions.-",
"- animals like dogs go on autopilot or w/their instincts. A dog is hungry, it eats. A human being, thru things like religion, learn 2 abstain, to refrain, to practice restraint. Of all the people in the world, Im condemned for not acting on random garbage thinking or impulse. -",
"- 'Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. ' Matthew 26:41Temptations are the various hungers of our body, like trying to get me to lash out on twitter.",
"- \"For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.\"Galations 5:17-",
"- this division creates a conscious state of mind. The happiness oriented Americans, forsaking culture and religion, for psychiatry, create and propel an animal like human.",
"-Years ago, I think there was something about me being a sweetheart and in need of friends( by a girl and her friends, a school, who cares, at this point)...ok...ummm..reality being, i see the concept of friends and relationships just like the next person: through fate, destiny,-",
"-or something as simple as bumping into someone repeatedly at a coffeeshop, you meet people.(Not by ‚the situation‚ discussing your whereabouts and timing.) To see me, through the lens that I‚m on some kind of endeavor to be an American icon, make everyone my -",
"-friend- well, that doesn‚t match my goals, interests or personalities. In all that I do being relayed (probably, I dunno), maybe from my Twitter, you heard from me about how I kept a girl in my prayers; -",
"-maybe you heard since my childhood best friend/girl friend moved away, I‚ve been on a lifelong quest for a replacement; maybe from the orchestrators you heard I can be loving to my sibling...-",
"-from the orchestrators, you see me as a, I guess, f* me, a sensitive caring male. From my stories, maybe you know my values. -",
"-But bear in mind, these are aspects or sides to a multifaceted personality, just like everyone else. Who I share the above sides or personas with, are my loved ones (family/friends). -",
"-So this raises the problem of who is my audience, when I or someone on my behalf, says things. I keep saying talk to me directly, because how I may be with you individually, may be different from a painting of my identity, for better or worse.-",
"-So two things thus far...what lens/ filter are you seeing me through? Next question, are you the intended audience?And all of this boils down to reputation. The concept of a person‚status in society, their reputation globally is something people work very hard for. -",
"-It is my intention to sue the orchestrators for soiling my reputation. Understanding this, they are of the belief, by relaying my life, a reputation will follow. But then the concept of audiences, filters, all rise again. -",
"-You*re making my reputation as America‚son/friend. Not interested, beyond the Golden Rule. 11 years of my life...hmmm...yeah I feel like the orchestrators are prostituting my life. -",
"-Im in a crazy situation. A 90 year old b*tch & her possibly lesbian passenger give me the OK to take a parking space. I go out to take it. She then stops me w/her car randomly, while the tool of a couple behind me shake their hands 4 me, to ignore the parking, and drive ahead.-",
"-I had my signal on, I was moving toward the space before all this happened ...you know, be it because of a ‚situation‚ or the filter this white woman sees ‚herself ‚through, she is not my boss, and her attitude on the road would only succumb to my attitude. -",
"-What does she think of herself? That disgusting nasty face she made. Does she see herself as superior? The nerve. All after she tells me to take the space, and then decides to take it herself. -",
"-The orchestrators tell family, friends, strangers to give me something to read into...it‚mind exploding because you expect me to take the bait and keep writing...I‚ve praised women in my speech and in my writing, over their beauty and value in a mans life. -",
"-Like today, at a stop sign, driving home or taking a short cut elsewhere, saw a gorgeous tan blonde smiling. Seeing someone like her, for herself, can brighten any mans day, like a day of sunlight. But it should naturally happen. -",
"-But that said, I‚ve shown a value, a side. For some, it‚an opportunity to overestimate ur self worth. I am not desperate, despite throwing myself across the table. -",
"-In this world, without sacrificing my dignity, from one extreme to another, I can arrange a marriage, or if it was about getting laid, pay someone. I aim to do things the right way. But then I see the 90 year old and idiot middle aged American women on the side of them -",
"-road involving themselves in this aforementioned parking attempt. Your rosy lives are ur rosy lives. I live in reality unlike whatever cloud You live on, while being a victim of abuse by the American orchestrators. So, Keep a check on ur attitudes in response in reading this.-",
"-Years ago, and now, I‚ll say it again to my surroundings, I am a practitioner of the Golden Rule. I respect those who respect me. Some of you, in your world of games, please go waste someone else‚time. An American icon? A paragraph ago, -",
"- I explained how I see friends, because of randomness being flung on me like sh*t out of a toilet, for the purpose of constantly explaining things. -",
"-I make myself available, when and where, to anyone who‚anyone. The orchestrators want to dictate who can glance at me or make me approachable. Childish nonsense. Not out to make myself any more approachable than I am.",
"- Now I need some kind hearted person to talk to me and tell me what's going on. That Im not out of my mind. If ur waiting for this cr*p to be over, none of you will ever see me. I mean, I'm after peace of mind, and when I needed you, in the way that I did, you were never there.-",
"-The orchestrators may tell you to so called \"support me\" by doing this/that...but that is not from me, may not even match the plan of the day. I honestly cannot make out what they're saying. -",
"- If I'm right about stuff, its through coincidence or me figuring things out on my own. From any of you, the community, All I'm asking is for you to be a true American at heart and do the hard thing of telling me what's going on. -",
"-Thats the only thing I ever needed. Ud be a lifelong friend&hero. After this, w/my lawsuitMoney, Ill be on some privateEstate, far away, from these past ridiculous places of America. All I wanted 4 all these yrs is peace of mind & the mutualRespect that the orchestrators took.-",
"-But going back to what I was saying, at the end of the day, beyond family and loved ones, I am not your friend or your enemy, or even paying attention to the cr*p left for me to read into. That stuff is between you and the orchestrators you blindly and ridiculously follow.-",
"-f you are not talking to me directly, then you are not helping me. Playing with your phone won‚t make you a saint-for the orchestrators, in the past, I called this the American idol mentality. You think by voting for someone to win, you‚re altruistic.-",
"-Save your energy, direct it towards someone who will appreciate it, or do something constructive. I‚ve given my spheel about ‚being natural without hiding anything.‚ That‚the only help I seek. End of the day, you be you, I‚ll be me. -",
"-At the beginning of this &now, Ive made it clear, not out of anger, spite, or because Im fresh out of some troubling incident: mind your own business. I don‚t want you in my life, and to be honest, I don‚t want to be in your heads either beyond the practice of the Golden Rule.-",
"-Get at me (Slang), or kindly get lost (Literal).-",
"-These sounds tell me they‚re going to ‚do away‚ with me. The extent, depth, seriousness of that I dunno. (But if I‚m to meet my end, I want the Americans to know this much from me, amidst the clouds you live on. -",
"-At the end of this, you all and the kid sounding faction of the orchestrators are in for a surprise. Really walked into it, as you'll figure out, soon enough.)-",
"-Ur faces or reactions or gestures do not match up to my writings, what I‚m being told, etc.(this part goes to everyone, but especially my parents- I feel these people (orchestrators) are lying to you regarding their intentions and what they direct at me.)",
"-From past complaints being relevant in the present day or not, not gonna elaborate on past things after this. Way too much time for something I‚m not willingly taking part in or interested in. Take care.",
"ending it for today with a few normal tweets -",
"Coffee machines with adjustable strength settings...expensive, but worth it!",
"getting a starbucks card, or memberships with doordash or massage places can be rewarding...",
"a person can say/do 10,000 good things, and being human, do 1 bad thing...but through human nature, other people will only remember/consider the bad thing without thinking things through...",
June 5th tweets...summary of normal tweets from early morning and the \other stuff tweets\ from early evening...all right side up on tumblr blog link below...as of tomorrow just gonna spread tweets throughout the day-if any...
https://t.co/2yg58nFl2X
"June 6 tweets -",
"so wake up, walk to the main floor of the house, and see through the window that the sun is getting ready to shine, with birds chirping in the background...sounds like something from a book, i know...but it invites pleasantness amidst all the nonsense in one's life...",
"so theOrchestrators...what they now do, seeing I have a writing platform, is \"project\" ideas/notions my way, 1 way or the other, try 2 get me 2 mention it, or even address/explain it. In my writing about, say, 1 of the rumors they created, Id be helping 2 perpetuate false ideas.-",
"-i mean w/something as corny &simple as the sun about 2shine, who wants 2waste time on the bullsh*t of others? Who pays attention to idiots? I mean, whatever orchestrators put out, I know who I am, what I get & don't get, & we don't share the same goals or same kind of people.-",
"-Today, I have 2 degrees& aJob 2 focus on, and be grateful 4. Yrs ago, I had my own apartment&delivery of restaurant food 2 be happy about while I tried to study amidst nonsense. Yrs ago, I had 4 years of body building to be grateful for,&the local YMCA where Id swim vigorously.-",
"- amidst The Blessings of the Good Lord, there's this nonsense from Americans living in a cloud and wanting to eavesdrop into the life of an Indian. but moving on...this kind of stuff is a risk to the tranquility from the simplicity of the sun shining...",
"so i mentioned \"my own apartment\" a couple or a few tweets ago...upstate vs. downstate -the apartments are madCheap...Ive been searching for apartments locally, downstate, & places like, The Print House? $2000 rent. Every other place? $1600 &up. My upstate studio apartment?$750.-",
"- I mean taxes take like 50% of your yearly salary. Then downstate rent...That's another huge chunk...",
"Regarding taxes, if you go to Catholic or private schools, and taxes pay for public schools and other such facilities that you don't use, why does everyone have to pay the same percentage of taxes? -",
"-You live in America for the freedom and community. But seeing as I, personally don't get that, there's gotta be other places, globally, that have that...",
"So, was eating breakfast and got food stuck between my teeth...reminded me of braces and the retainers you gotta wear after to maintain the progress of the braces...in hindsight, with today's discipline, i wouldn't have been as lazy with the retainers, as back then...",
"So, on the HBO Max app on Fire TV or Chromecast, you can find the second version of the \"Justice League\" movie. Yeah, there are two!I mean the trouble for making two versions of the same movie...why?!Well, at least Gal Gadot is in it...truly a Wonder Woman...",
"So just followed Gal Gadot, and twitter suggested I follow Margot Robbie...people from Israel, Australia...they are incentive for global connections...",
"anyone else grow up with 90s Nickelodeon with Stick Stickley with Nick in the Afternoon, Doug, Rugrats, Rockos Modern Life, etc...?!",
"huge Dragon Ball Z fan. Got me into the Dragon Ball series, which I personally feel a warm attachment to then the Z Series...they're coming out with a new movie next year...even collect the figures...like a few yrs ago, really got into anime. CrunchyRoll is a good site for it...",
"RT @StarbucksCare: @RennyJi Hi Renny, while we no longer have an online store, we do have a storefront on Amazon that you can use to try an
"So where do our ideas and thoughts come from? Ever wonder?",
"For so long I thought of all this having to do with a girl and possibly player psychotic friends...I mean the whole thing is like the stereotype of an angry girl-in what I‚ve shared and not... l mean keeping you perpetually writing and making everyone not talking to you?-",
"- when we were at the same school, because of the visible no cause anger towards someone you don‚t know, I even gave her a letter apologizing if I wronged her in anyway and saying I‚ll keep out of her way. When things escalated at the party school, if it had to do with her, with-",
"- whatever filter in her mind towards me, I even sent her a brand new copy of the dvd, ‚he‚just not that into you‚ with no return address. If ur right about all this being her, you think that‚ll be hint, she‚ll know what it means, and stop whatever.-",
"- If not she got a brand new DVD for free. I mean that‚my style: I don‚t uproot the world. Then as time goes on, I figure it has to be the school, manipulating the story of the girl for their project. I mean what does a Columbia grad like her want with me anyway?!-",
"- and regarding the school, I reported everything that was happening, like a responsible person. Once again, my style. They uproot the world, lie to me, and them and their government contacts stop the world from talking to me...",
"So I talk about blondes or talkED about blondes recently. Not the only kind of women I‚m into. But moving on, did you guys know there are types of blondes?...like the ‚Nordic Blonde?!‚- I‚ve seen some with a fan and they look incredible...-",
"Me, I have wavy hair...or HAD wavy hair...saw someone with nice pin straight hair-probably doesn‚t take hair gel or leave in conditioner to style...wouldn‚t it be cool if you could change ur hair type from straight to wavy to curly by as simply as running a comb through ur hair?!",
"This one place that I go daily...it‚ridiculous how everyone there is jacked or ripped...I mean like 90%...It‚an odd-what do you call such an occurrence-coincidence?! Me personally, focusing on getting skinny first...",
"Has anyone tried aromatherapy?! Does it work?",
RT @shakirastuff_: Shakira is coming. You all ready?
https://t.co/pvq5lurJrl
"Just saw commercials for upcoming Marvel series, ‚Loki‚. It‚going to be on Disney+. I‚m not sure if the following is a movie or series, but ‚Black Widow‚ with Scarlett Johansson is also coming out...",
RT @missmorenab: Flashback to that time I wore all purple.
https://t.co/pq4nrakjpw
"In the movie, ‚Deadpool,‚ Ryan Reynold‚character is so right about his feelings toward @missmorenab (Morena Baccarin). Every time you see her, it‚like the first time. There isn‚t a second she isn‚t beautiful...",
June 6th early morning and morning tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:
https://t.co/5fZPSYyvq2
"11 years of all this relaying and stalking. People ignore my directive, of talking to me directly, to get to know me, despite me saying how I am with people is on an individual basis.-",
"-Depending on how I, as a multifaceted personality, choose to share, Person A might recognize me as a completely different individual than Person B. So yesterday, we talked about filters, or the lenses that u see an individual through, is based on the stuff you have in ur head.-",
"- so lets introduce something I else I mentioned in the past. The concept of ‚know of‚ vs. ‚actually know.‚ All of u may have heard relayed things about a particular Renny. You think ur part of a fun game with this Renny. (Not a fan of games and view this entire thing as abuse.)-",
"-But in the things you are aware of, do you understand my goals or intentions? You think you know how I‚ll be with you and when you ignore my advice. You do not know me and simply ‚know of me.‚-",
"In the past, I was grateful for a 2nd chance at a new major at a new school with a fresh start. I wanted no distractions. As I didn‚t want the mind lingering on anything from the past, I wanted 2 remove any chance I had with a particular girl.-",
"-I wanted 2 close that door by writing something off putting so that the mind would abandon theOption. OtherGoal was 2 test the surroundings 4 a reaction 2 see if Im right about theSource of the randomness. In trying to cut off an attachment, Im left w/the idea of it for years.-",
"- intention with my battle with the party school? Get a free ride there, get life back to the way it was-in all opportunities (social l, fiscal, etc.) , in all normalcy- before things with the girl, her friends, the school, and this present day hill sh*t. -",
"- I live according to that, but the orchestrators are trying to make me an Indian, an American instead, by ignoring my people/culture/goals, and use me for their goals, while making me seem crazy for trying to get things back to the way they were, 11+ years ago.-",
"- sometimes I wonder‚ you idiots out there reading into my actions‚what do you know of the kind of life I want to live or the kinds of people I want to associate with. I buy something like a coffee machine, I think you put me out as buying something expensive. Slander.-",
"- I spice up my morning in the ways that I do, likeMachines w/adjustable strength, valueQuality‚unlike the orchestrators &the rest of their people, I don‚t live on an ‚airy cloud.‚ I actually think through things &have plans for aFuture that don‚t match this retarded situation.-",
"-11 years of eavesdropping, what do the orchestrators know of a life of meaning &value. U see me thru the filter of ur culture,ur boy friends,ur men,ur students,&what not. To the orchestrators, experiment on ur kind, rather than leaving the worst for other parts of the world.-",
"- you may see everything, may even know every thought, but you don‚t know where I stand or my intent with things.",
"Just found out season 3 of the HBO Max series, ‚Titans,‚ is set to be released in August of 2021‚finally‚and that too in the summer‚it‚sad there aren‚t a lot of new episodes to series outside of fall/winter/spring months‚Titans has Nightwing, Raven, and the rest
"Other shows like ‚Doom Patrol‚ or the anime: ‚Seven Deadly Sins‚‚no idea for a release date like the previous tweet
"‚His Dark Materials‚ was a great series on HBO Max, as well
"It can be problematic when ‚direct interactions‚ face conflict with things relayed‚I mean, What was the purpose, and a number of tweets back, recall what I said about the different recognitions by Person A Vs. Person B.",
June 6th Afternoon Tweets rightSideUp in tumblrBlogLink below. NothingMoreToday. There were tweets in early morning &morning - posted in the tumblr blog link several tweets down this page (that link is also at the bottom of the afternoon link below)
https://t.co/PMVxdtYiep
"June 7th tweets -",
"so a thought...-",
"I saw a clip of a physicist talking about something, and he mentioned other scientists of the past who came up with theories. Someone like Isaac Newton didn't have the distractions of our world. He had a lot of time to think and theorize about his observations.-",
"- When I look back at these 11+ years, its enraging. What a massive waste of time. I could be using my thought process, my observative capacity, for constructive things, rather than talking to/about this \"situation.\" -",
"-For the orchestrators, life is living on a cloud, doing whatever impulse commands you, getting drunk and laid all day. I mean if getting laid is your life's greatest goal, there are bigger and better things. -",
"-Getting laid is exhilaration, pleasure, a series of postures, for a set amount of time. But an accomplishment, a life achievement, a true goal, encompasses your entire day and rewards you lifelong, unlike the 60-90 minutes or so of getting laid...-",
"-Set your sights on bigger things, on something that can define you and fulfill you. That's true pleasure.-",
"- You know in these 11+ years, I wish I could have used my brain to think about real things, philosophize, build something -",
"- but instead the orchestrators, in my very early 30s, have me dealing with the matters of children...-",
"- The serious project that may or may not be public, that is hiding behind the nonsense of whatever is projecting the teenage-like voices...is also wasting my time with their goals, over mine...-",
"-Life is a gift. From crawling out of bed, to possibly stretching, to walking down the stairs to your kitchen, it truly is an underestimated gift. I mean you have arms and legs. You can move them. It provides a sensation. -",
"-Being forced to look over all that and be reminded of the failings of a country, in practice in your life, is ridiculous.-",
"- This \"situation\", with what it does to me daily and my environment, for me, is a waste of time, and a distraction from my plans/goals. Biblically, it is said, if ur eye causes you to sin, then cut it off. It is better for you to go to heaven maimed, then all of going to h*ll.-",
"- so lets extrapolate. I think people of today are put off by religion b/c they \" 'think' its about telling u what 2 do.\" But I believe it's telling u \"what u can be\" -",
"-& the lifestyle that needs 2 be maintained. When I say lifestyle, I don't mean living like a nun, like literal interpretations imply. Again, you need to think about what comes your way. Literally, the aforementioned saying also has a meaning. That being, -",
"- your eye causing you to sin and the rest of the saying? Be pure in thought, follow your heart, do what's right as appropriate for your life. This results in peace of mind and eligibility for heaven. But I was talking about goals, that saying can be applied to goals.-",
"-ur eye causes you to sin, cut it off? Yeah no 1 expects the human race 2 cut off their eyes. So when it comes 2 goals, if there is a distraction in your life, u need 2 cut off that attachment. That part about \"better part of u go 2 heaven, then all of u going to h*ll\"?! -",
"- If you cut off the attachment/the distraction, your eye is figuratively cut off. What remains will inherit heaven. -",
"-Heaven can be interpreted as a state of mind. When you feel good, you feel like you're in heaven. When you do something bad, your mind is like in h*ll b/c of the resulting negative feelings.-",
"- So point being, if you cut off your attachment/distraction, what remains, inherits heaven i.e. or you'll have the state of mind (of being focused, and whatever else), to achieve your goal. -",
"- When you practice such discipline, it's rewarding throughout and \"post-process-of-achieving-your-goal\" - because you will, without a doubt, achieve your goal. Hence, if your eye causes you to sin, cut it off...",
"- See, the aforementioned is my mind. Not like the orchestrator's and the cr*p they put out. Not like the people they involve me with. Not like the Americans, who, everyday, let me down, by not telling me what's going on.-",
"-In my religion, Christ says, \"my mother, brother, sister, friend, family, are those who share in my convictions\" - to paraphrase...Amidst \"this situation,\" in whatever way I possibly can, I try to say what I'm about, what I want, what my beliefs are. -",
"-But no 1 in my surroundings shares in my convictions. After 11+ years, the label of American I wore proudly, is now a source of humiliation. Citizenship/rights-none of it respected. No lawEnforcement. In Christ's words, U are not my family, nor my people. U be U, I'll be me...",
June 7th early morning tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below - philosophy...
https://t.co/nyEjkFGjmy
"You know, growing up, I learned from experience & family, avoid jobs that depend on people. Too many variables. If ur an engineer or programmer, while you may work with a team, your part of the work is all U, giving you the freedom and using solely ur talents, knowledge, ability-",
"- but thats inTermsOfWork..4 a socialLife, yeah friends are wonderful but Im involved in ‚theSituation‚ involvingPeople. My wholeLife is relayed. IveSaid I can do 10,000 goodThings,& people, being humanNature, only rememberTheBad. ‚The situation‚ is a ‚forced on myShoulder job‚.-",
"-when my so called all day everyday job involves people, not the best thing, because of how my environment can be affected. How do you be mindful of all ur actions all day everyday‚-",
"-I mean you want people, in what ur stuck with, to be direct with you, to know you for you, not based on something put out indirectly about you
"In this situation, people think theyre supporting u, with u, even helping u‚but I keep saying what help to me is‚it‚being natural without hiding this- I think we‚re getting there, but what if some1 were to tell me whats going on & help me end this‚ud be a role model, a hero!",
"I was out today and someone was nice enough to help me speed up that part of my day‚ I keep saying talk to me and stuff, and d*mit I forgot to get this person‚name‚but I guess that‚on me
"So I‚ve grown up watching my dad use alcohol based aftershaves that are liquidy like Old Spice. But growing up, I e heard slit said that alcohol is bad for the skin. So I got the Brickell aftershave from Amazon.-",
"-Smear a bunch of it on, expect it to work, and then realize, not the best idea in sunny June weather. You‚ll just sweat it off. Maybe liquid quick drying aftershaves are what‚needed. Lotions just melt
"When someone does something nice, how do you react‚especially in this situation where people seemed to be misled or misguided in ur name, you figure it‚easier walking in a hostile environment‚but selfless kindness changes the world
"Want to hang upside down for yoga or ‚just because‚?! Get the ‚FeetUp Trainer‚ from Amazon
"Girls are lucky. They can wear shorts & look good in shorts. To look in style, a guy who wears shorts has 2 have em a little bit below his knees‚I think like in the 50s, 60s, 70s, guys used to wear the shorts women wear today-yeah umm no 1 wants to see that..a reverse of style..",
"Huge Michael Jackson fan- it‚sad someone like him had the things that happened to him, happen
"Yeah I listen to anything that sounds good on Spotify-from ‚sucker‚ by the Jonas Brothers to ‚drag me down‚ by One Direction to ‚bad blood‚ by Taylor swift to ‚wherever whenever‚ by shakira to ‚ if you had my love‚ by JLo to ‚Memories‚ by David Guetta to ‚lose yourself‚ by Eminem",
"This heat‚in Yonkers(Y-Oooo!) /Bronxville‚simply sitting while working makes you sweat‚but at least where I reside (on the border of both cities), it just got cloudy‚hopefully things will cool down
"In the heat a while back, I remember buying these Nike‚- running shoes- they are ventilated at the top‚shoes like that probably helps, if you gotta be outside
"Post lunch, my soda stream (raspberry flavor) really cooled me down
Afternoon tweets for June 7th right side up in tumblr blog link below (early morning tweets below afternoon tweets or in link that is several tweets below)
https://t.co/gIudOYfuCd
"June 8th tweets...-",
"so this thing with external parties who don't know a person, putting things in people's heads, goes way back...it leads to improper awareness, or a false filter/glasses that people see through...-",
"So here's five verses that I believe the three Abrahamic religions share. Genesis 3 goes: -",
"- 1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, ‚Did God really say, ‚ÄòYou must not eat from any tree in the garden‚?‚ -",
"-2 The woman said to the serpent, ‚We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‚ÄòYou must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.‚‚-",
"-4 ‚You will not certainly die,‚ the serpent said to the woman. 5 ‚For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.‚-",
"-6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.-",
"- so...those were the first 6 verses actually. The devil \"puts something in Eve's head.\" Sound familiar? She gains a filter that she sees through, but she doesn't realize, she's been blinded from the truth...-",
"-Eve believes if she eats the fruit that God forbade her from eating, she will be a god or at least have god like wisdom...-",
"-God told her not to eat the fruit: that part is like what our hearts tell us to do, while we listen with our tempted minds for tantalizing/nice sounding false things to be placed in our head...to live life with your heart requires taking a deep breath and gaining perspective-",
"- it speaks to us in differentSituations. when orchestrators or the devil come along&place things in our head, giving us false filters 2 see thru, resulting in the actions of accordance, we need 2 quiet down, listen 2 what our heart-which fights the impulse of human nature-says.-",
"- the orchestrators give you instructions to follow behind a single person. Like the juicy fruit of the forbidden tree, you see the orchestrators words and directives as a fun game. -",
"-But if you, humankind, were to listen to your hearts...how can you bear to have a fellow American suffer alone for 11+years?-",
"- would ur hearts allow humankind 2 be on 1 team vs. a single human being for 11+ years? U wanted 2 play the orchestrator's game like Eve wanting the juicy fruit. God didn't approve in that case, & ur hearts & true conscience doesn't approve in our case..Americans need insight...",
"Moving past philosophy, -",
"Driving with the AC on creates mist on the wind shield, towards the bottom‚needed wipers to clear it‚anyone else face that problem?",
"It‚great when your 10 min away from stores like Macys, ur coffee shop, UPS, or anything else‚I mean‚feel sleepy while working? All ways to get fresh air
"The parking spaces in Bronxville‚Pondfield Road are diagonally lined‚real pain when going from the right side of the road to the parking space on the left
"So 10:20 AM, I left my house 2go 2 UPS 2 drop something off on Central in Yonkers (Y-Oooo). Made the trip &got back in my driveway @ 10:27. Got inside &out of myShoes at 10:28. Got out of outdoor clothes &back @ my desk by 10:30..like going 2the bathroom when U live near central.",
"The concept of time has always amazed me. So much can happen through the course of 30 min‚like this morning, at the start of 30 min, was getting out of the shower. At the end of 30 min, finished getting my coffee at a coffee shop and back home
"So @theragun or @therabody -whichever is the official Twitter account for Therabody / Theragun - came out with a pneumatic compression device. Only comes in small, medium, large‚if ur chubby, ull think large, but it‚too long. Then you think medium, but it‚tight. -",
"- To @theragun or @therabody (Therabody / Theragun), you need a pneumatic compression device that‚of varying lengths for different heights, and adjustable straps for varying leg widths- to adjust how they fit ‚around the legs‚
"RT @dunkindonuts: That absolutely ‚ú®thrilling‚ú® half-second you think about ordering something different, then don‚t.",
June 8th tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:
https://t.co/FaCfjnfbYI
"June 9th tweets...",
"Matthew 13: 13-15 - For this people's heart has grown callous; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts... -",
"-No matter how many times I implore of you to tell me the truth about the situation, you listen to the orchestrator's instruction of not telling me...or their instructions, period...",
"John 18(21-23) - Why question me? Ask those who heard me. Surely they know what I said.‚ ...If I said something wrong,‚ Jesus replied, ‚testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?‚... -",
"- in my situation, im telling people over &over, for 11+ years, don't read in2 my actions, stop making things about U or taking things personally, actNatural without hiding things, don't listen to the instructions of the orchestrators..i think the orchestrators filter what I say.",
"Matthew 27:4 \"I have sinned by betraying innocent blood,\" he said... - in my situation, the world is on one team, and I'm on another. do you have any idea what the orchestrators did to me while I was away from work recently?!",
"Matthew 27:18 \"For he knew it was out of self-interest that they had handed Jesus over to him.\"The orchestrators &the projected children like sounds are not doing this for 11+years! to build me or make my life better. That is just the front of a massive project, for their ends.",
"Psalm 3...A priest I knew introduced some of the verses of this psalm to me, under a different context. But I believe the whole thing applies to my \"situation.\"...",
"Luke 23:13‚Äì19...I have examined him in your presence and have found no basis for your charges against him...But the whole crowd shouted, ‚Away with this man!..In my situation, u, the American people, have aided the orchestrators, in robbing me of opportunities, &be their victim.",
"so some philosophy...-",
"-Ive said before, peace of mind is priceless...but in this massive 11+year secret against one human being as part of the screwing with his mind, America has stolen peace and the opportunities of 11+ years for me. I see America in all its glory, in its superficial altruism.-",
"-There is this Biblical saying ‚And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.(Mark 9:42)-",
"- Peace of mind, or the state of mind, is that precious. Get punched in the arm, it bleeds, it gets visibly bruised, it eventually heals. But the mind...can you see its wounds from years of familial and societal betrayal? -",
"-The mind is the steering wheel/the command center controlling the whole operation of the body...on what justifiable basis do u, the orchestrators, and mankind screw with a young man's mind for 11+years? Not even Hitler did this to the Jews...he horrifically baked them in ovens-",
"- while the Americans drag out their torture as part of a massive game...But back to the Biblical saying about ‚And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin...\"-",
"- The little ones represent the innocence within the human condition. That innocence is peace and peace is God. -",
"-Heaven for all we know could be this state of mind, as Adam and Eve were like children who believed like a child, that their parents, in this case, God, would take care of everything. However, these derivations aside, the little ones in that quote represent -",
"- innocence within the human condition. To tamper with that state of mind, be it a school or a perverted few, the action is indicated as so evil, so wrong, it would be better 4 that entity to not have existed at all, as indicated by the morbid latter portion of the quote, where-",
"- the individual responsible is told to tie a rock around his neck & jump in2 the water. You don't screw with innocence, in whatever way it is expressed. It could be a regular guy, amidst 11+year hype, being relayed in anything/everything..why tamper with sanctity/peace of mind?!",
"- so that's from my philosophical side...",
"so a couple of regular tweets...-",
"If you have whole chia seeds and not the grounded up version, has anyone thought of using their coffee grinder to grind the chia seeds? Or do you need a special grinder that specifically says it can be used for other things?!",
"Try \"Kombucha\" as another water substitute. Can taste like soda and its sugar free and good for digestion...",
"Just followed @zoesaldana along with @shakira ... columbians are mad beautiful ...",
June 9th early morning tweets (before 6:32 AM) right side up in tumblr blog link below:
https://t.co/8poUrB3WEr
"U know looking back, at the state party school that I transferred to, in 2010, what they taught was done poorly & the subjects were out of date. I‚m sure they‚ll beg to differ. While they and their involvement of a ‚situation‚ strives to keep me writing in the midst of studying-",
"- other schools were teaching agile software practices, cloud computing, data warehousing, or even with a simple Java programming class: how to run JUnit test cases.-",
"- for months I tried contacting a professor for an old assignment and notes related to handling Java programming with sql database coding, never gives me what I want. Basically always says he‚too busy-",
"- in the party school, while their sister state university of Binghamton was teaching Java with Eclipse, enterprise style repositories and JUnit test cases, party school was using a baby program called Dr. Java.-",
"- my transcript is proof of the courses you teach. The duration of the situation and the kids is proof of a distraction in my priorities. My 4.0 high school GPA is testament to my academic caliber. Me, I like using the luxury of time to learn a course until it‚mastered.-",
"- students would say professor ravis course was 1 of the important courses. Didn‚t do so well the 1st time amidst obstacles. Wanted 2 take theCourseAgain. Ur partySchool‚conflictResolution VP insisted I take remaining courses @ a communityCollege so that Im out of their hair.-",
"-can you imagine this dip sh*ts advice? From a 4.0 gpa at Iona with scholarships and free laptops to a community college. The b*stars went out of his way to convince my parents I‚m crazy after he had the faculty monitor me on the harassment on the day of my life 2012 finals.-",
"The amountOfDamage that partySchool, those spitefulKids did, along w/the rest ofThe ‚situation.‚U should see some of theseFacesIm thinking why the f*k are U in myLife, while these randomly angry agenda fueled gamePlayers areIrritated theyre not wanted playing god w/some1‚life.-",
"- to some of the randomly angry agenda fueled game players, you wanna say have some dignity and move on.",
"The orchestrators are trying to figure me out. Put corny high school paths of doing what you love my way and things will follow. How old am I? How do you explain ur perverted presence in my life? Something can be learned from the Indian concept of arranged marriages-",
"- back in India, families strive to get their kids to perfection. Find a family, a women, that‚exceptional and meets standards. We wish a similar exceptionalism for careers, futures, education, etc. I come from this culture. In my family, father sought out opportunities in the-",
"- alien country of America and took care of his family and his extended family back home. Uncle went off to a different part of India and worked as the closest contact to Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi with his Italian wife Sonia. My father, my uncle, did these things thru-",
"- hard work without distractions and American party schools constantly getting in the way. It is beyond me, why my parents aren‚t defending their culture and allowing these racist Americans to walk all over us, especially me.-",
"- the thing that‚absolutely beyond me is, I don‚t do drugs, I don‚t drink, just minding my business, I‚ve done nothing to no one, if there was anything to clear up-done it 100 times over. Why‚are these freaks pursuing me I.e. the orchestrators. For 8 years, I‚ve put aside my-",
"-likes, habits, grasping with the American dictators cruelty. Now after all that, they want to prostitute my life for entertainment while not disclosing what they do. American or not, what human being stands by while the orchestrators electrocute someone? -",
"- what do the orchestrators tell their following? Hey everyone, on behalf of the party school, we want are Renny to party like it‚1999
"Moving to normal tweets again
"Americans are worse than the Germans were with the Jews In Nazi Germany‚everything they do is superficial and not from the heart
"#Loki airs today on Disney Plus
"Loki",
"You‚d be surprised how many things from ages ago, or even eight years ago, can come in handy, in the present day, today
"Saw The Wedding Ringer the other day‚great movie‚seeking a female best friend though, not an audience
"You gotta check out the @TouchofModern app from the App Store or Google Play Store. They have the coolest things for sale
"this is what I wrote years ago, when something tried to make me think, by doing nothing, by sitting around in my house, I raised a strange group of kids to bother me across several years. -",
- once again you realize what you write is used to study you while the environment is manipulated to the orchestrator's liking by having something else presented as though it were through you.
https://t.co/0C3BxJDqMM
"display_url" : "tweetextracts-blog.tumblr.com",
expanded_url :
https://tweetextracts-blog.tumblr.com
"RT @RennyJi: W/everything, it boil down 2 \"what void\" ur trying 2 fill. Being human=ugly->a lot of good&bad w/in. Violent offenders should
"RT @RennyJi: - it wasn‚t God who caused my situation. It wasn‚t me, as I mind my business and return to my home. It was other people. Other
"Saw movie, ‚Oppenheimer.‚ It picked up during end of movie, where U realize U.S. government is taking away Oppenheimers credibility, despite & after his contributions 2 Manhattan Project‚s: atomic bomb. His crime was he wanted 2 raise awareness against dangers of nuclear warfare.",
"What does U.S. government do, when they‚re against accountability 4 their actions? They make U look like a clown, they take away ur credibility, they take away ur say by manipulating justice system against U, despite ur defense. They focus on ‚prevent, contain, salvage.‚-",
"- brain mapping‚what if it enabled people to be operated like drones?- like a remote control plane‚the project I‚m forced into isn‚t about curing diabetes. It‚about mapping person X‚consciousness, digitally, to person Y‚consciousness.-",
"- Everything happening is about employing common citizen as a soldier w/a government designed focus. This has been happening directly & indirectly. Indirectly, when U tell some idiot 2 do something & he/she does it. Directly, is when U map controllers consciousness 2 controllee.-",
The following three clips are from the Hulu movie: ‚Assassin‚ with Bruce Willis. It‚a 2023 released movie. Here‚part I:
https://t.co/CNzYTyhf1K
- Here‚part II of the same scene clip as Twitter doesn‚t allow clips longer than a minute and 30 seconds:
https://t.co/5H45FGkV8P
- here‚part 3 of same scene clip connected 2 last two clips in last 2 tweets. Perils of brain mapping is when like how it‚said in below clip when some1 maps their mind 2 urs & controls U. In movie the controllee experiences mind control as a lapse in memory.
https://t.co/NmGl6jAzzx
On the Miami herald‚
https://t.co/ZnMpN7DbQK
What else would the government do then play down something which coincides with the timing of the Cold War in the 1980s‚
https://t.co/TXSHypQp4W
"Clip in next tweet is from History Channel‚The UnXplained series, hosted by William Shatner‚if remote viewing is possible, and masqueraded under someone being a good citizen?(what? Kinda random), what else can be done more than 40 years after the subject of the clip?!-",
-Its understood Im part of a mockery on freedom/privacy in a State with Statue of Liberty in a country being symbol of opportunity‚how long things like below have 2 happen & with how many people 4 it not 2 arouse an ounce of empathy 2 help the 1 it surrounds thru disclosure?!
https://t.co/2hHQ0vyFng
"- the focus of remote viewing in the previous clip was mentioned in a notable news source: The Miami Herald.-",
"- I was watching the questioning of the Attorney General on CNN. It, got messy. But people: get messy. Years of being in my inescapable situation had resulted in me punching a hole in my wall twice.-",
"- On 2nd occassion, after I got LASIK; signifying no eye glass or contact lens cameras; part of a process of elimination: when i hit wall, I heard a family member stop coming towards, after they initiated walking in my direction. I can only imagine some1 instructed insanity.-",
"- after a while, the improbable becomes a possibility, when all other variables are eliminated. Something is producing the effect or even assault on my senses‚you begin to wonder, what‚causing that effect.-",
"- It‚interesting that after mentioning all the things I picked up on, to the FBI, the D.O.D. voicemail, etc., that no one came to my aid. If this phase is about boosting my ego, I‚d rather have, what is now a luxury, to move on with the normalcy of a human life.-",
"so a thought...-",
"-in a very convincing manner, the orchestrators make it clear to me that they're going to, subtly put, \"do away\" with me, while in this, or at the end of this. Something this big, after 11+years, even if it were just legally, the \"situation\" does not have a happy ending-",
"-i don't think my own parents go through my written material...for one thing, i think there's something paraphrasing what i write to them. regarding the rest of America, I think a filtered version is being delivered to you of what happens to me or what I write. -",
"- for some of you, you're in a fun game. keep track of where he goes, send it to the medium/platform - i guess?! There's the children like sounds, but at least so that group will help me, there is another group doing something else. -",
"- both of which are illegal. The children like sounds are arrogant. They're convinced its just them. When this first started, I called the police several times about this whole \"situation\", from start to finish, in its peculiarity. They lied to me and didn't help me. -",
"- When I went to the FBI, they gave me something to perpetually write on, for the hackers. The party school wanted to get rid of me and had their Conflict Resolution help the kids who started this instead of me. -",
"- The secondary group of orchestrators - for distraction purposes - and the primary group of orchestrators (to make their cause relevant with past trivial issues) want me to perpetually talk about the party school, the girl, and the random kids from the beginning of all this.-",
"- thats done, i moved on, i left the country cuz I didn't want to be bothered. But the orchestrators - their whole band - followed me there. -",
"- You as a people, because instructed or otherwise, talk about the past garbage that happened at the party school, like its the most-matter-of-fact-thing. But there is something else happening: abuse. -",
"-In myLife, in these 11+years, firefighters willExtend a hand, but also hide \"theSituation.\" The police exert authority&play in2 the situation. The FBI enables theSituation. The partySchool wants 2 save its ownSkin. In an American conspiracy against 1 person, I left out 1 group.-",
"- In just going through past job application emails, I see the part where they ask you, \"if you're a veteran?\" They ask did you serve your country. Some people join the military for better opportunities after their service, and some are in it for the service. But when a normal-",
"- person thinks of a soldier, they think of someq going off 2 the Middle East &nabbing some bad guys. But we say \"Thank U for ur service.\" Well, guys, myAmerican citizenship is being violated. There is a massiveConspiracy against 1 American. Illegal all around with illegal tech.-",
"- everyone is taking facts for granted and taking the extra measure of not talking to the person involved, for 11+ years. Being an American requires the extra step of compassion and a heart in your actions. While I understand you blow things up, I am in need of your compassion.-",
"- I am in need of an exemplary American, such as a soldier, \"fighting for this country\" (as they say), to defend my rights against a government that allows this to happen. It's been 11+ years. Why are you taking this for granted and not investigating?-",
"-If you were to help me, unlike the others who say through obligation, duty, what they were instructed, or mechanically: \"Thank you for your service.\" , I would say it from the bottom of my heart. -",
"-Why won't even you not look into what's going and help me? Is it because of my Indian skin and do I remind you of the Middle Eastern Muslims that you're stereotyped to being against? Is it because I'm not a blonde white girl that you allow this to happen to me?-",
"- To fight for my citizenship's entitlement, you don't need to go to another country. Stop this illegal thing and the façade of the orchestrators from happening. -",
"-If its because you see me as an enemy, then do me the kindness of ending me like you do with the rest, rather than having these disgusting pigs of orchestrators keep their word of \"doing away with me.\"",
Verilux Sun Lamps - might give you an energy boost...
https://t.co/PGnA20olNz
"I think there are aromatherapy oils that you can apply on the skin for their health benefits...who knew...",
June 9th evening afternoon tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below (morning tweets and resulting tumblr link -several tweets down):
https://t.co/b5ZdnSXTPw
"June 10th tweets -",
There's a solar eclipse today:
https://t.co/whsHUGh71j
"Every morning, there is this one idiot monkey making sure his vehicle's engine or whatever, is as loud as possible...What about the people who sleep at this time? Sorry something is making you drive, but don't take it out on the rest of us in our houses...",
"So get this‚went for undergraduate degree and graduate degree at two different state schools. One is Binghamton, and the other, I call the party school. I Think downstate, people know which school I‚m referring to, but getting to the point: -",
"- needed transcripts from both colleges for a particular purpose. Both unofficial and official transcripts work. With Binghamton, I have Google mail made for my Binghamton email address. I can still access records and my main account page. This is all after graduating.-",
"- I decide to get an official transcript because a pdf version of it can be emailed to you. It costs $5. At party school, the same thing costs $10. Whereas Binghamton sent me the download link for the transcript within 30 min, party school still hasn‚t reached back to me, after -",
"- charging $10. My old email at party school does not work. My old account page, after graduating from party school does not work. It just shows the kind of quality you get, if the orchestrators were stalking that too. It shows all the other things said were true. -",
"- here‚another instructing fact about comparisons between Binghamton and party school: the meal plan. Both schools partner with Sodhexo for meal plan food. But party school seems to get cheap quality food from a cheaper plan and charges students $15 per meal for an -",
"— all you can eat buffet style meal. At Binghamton, they spent the extra nickel and got quality meal plans and charge less. You get real pizza for like 75 cents. You can get a hamburger for 75 cents. You can ask the guy at the grill to make you ham, egg, cheese on a croissant-",
"- or an egg white sandwich between toasted wheat bread. On Saturday‚s, you get chocolate chip pancakes, that are big, and made in front of u. You pay for what‚eaten. At party school, I got smart and found out about paying at chipotles and other places with your school ID card.-",
"- I would transfer my meal plan money to the ID card in what was called ‚Podium.‚ That way I ate at chipotles for less than the $15 meal plan at party school.",
"-Their computer science program is a joke. Their French & other departments close down. All at the party school. They probably have their respective graduate rates because of the not up 2 date classes they teach. Check past transcripts,their curriculum, and the job market to see.",
"Moving past comparisons in features/benefits of quality school: Binghamton, vs. party school‚-",
"I personally think Im crystal clear & thorough. Be it because of the situation or non native English speakers, people don‚t see the point I wish to convey. If Ive tried repeatedly to make a point, then whose it on ?!-",
"-For some strange reason, it‚like they‚re looking through a filter, or the lens of immaturity and zero life experience, or think you imply something malicious.",
"- I mean this one guy‚talking to him‚seems like he wants to do good‚ ur every third sentence, I gotta explain that I‚m not seeing things the way he keeps understanding whatever‚that‚like in a normal situation‚-",
"- then in the abnormal situation, God only knows what ur environment reacts to. Is there someone who doesn‚t want to be around cuz you think I‚m in a bad mood or because - Now, while God only knows why you care - you don‚t like my perceived tone or what I‚m saying in writing?! -",
"- while I genuinely appreciate the interest by some around a regular guy, surrounded by hype of a compounding situation, ur wasting ur time looking into this. Go get out in the sun, and stop adhering to the orchestrators. It‚incredible, peoples mind always sticks together. -",
"- you couldn‚t detect malicious or difficult or a source of irritation if ur lives depended on it‚just from observation‚When alll this is over, and you see the unfiltered version of my words, I sincerely hope it stings‚I tried to wake you up, get you to do nothing, be natural.",
"-u‚d rather go about followingTheOrchestrators. U may even think I don‚t appreciate some perceived magnanimousGesture on the part of urPeople or those sharing ur skin tone (offense not taken, its biology/psychology). I don‚t needThem, &ur not getting a restricted life of 11+ yrs.",
"On the up side, had a tiny exchange of light conversation with someone in my morning outing‚pleasant, and wakes u up as good as coffee‚pleasant only cuz it came about naturally and not forced
"saw episode 1 of \"Loki\" on Disney Plus...i thought it was really good...it gets into the multiverse, time travel, anachronisms...good stuff...",
"you know what's an epic name for a woman? \"Vivianna\"I mean so many syllables, starts exotically with a \"V\"...sounds fancy...",
"Did you know that : \"NeuroFactor is an all-natural, patented extract of whole fruit from the Coffea arabica plant.\" ? It's the unused part of coffee beans and I heard it's supposed to be good for your brain...",
"anyone try exercising with a vibration platform? I think you can only do (3) 10 min sessions at a time, daily...",
June 10th tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:
https://t.co/uiS2uXSPXf
"So \"Death Wish Coffee\" could be the strongest coffee out there. They sell it on Amazon &other places u can google. 1 cup of coffee, amidst conflicted claims, has anywhere between 300-700 mg of caffeine. Big variance. Daily caffeine intake is recommended to be 400 mg, altogether.-",
"- so its like multiple cups of coffee in one mug. Kinda hesistant to try it myself, but at the same time I think Im among those who aren't sensitive to caffeine or have a tolerance. You gotta wonder if that 400 mg recommendation is for all people, or just a generalization.",
"so ads on twitter for paris hilton &Kristin stewart..whatever happened to paris hilton?",
"-The way Kristin Stewart &her fellow Charlies Angel, in the original duo, in the 2019 version look, u can see the difference b/w a model & a non-model...They \"look like\" models, and not necessarily like normal human beings...",
"Ever been out with a girl who wants to see who can drink more tequila shots? Personally, I don't see the thrill...more of a caffeine person...Why knock out your brain so much that you're not thinking straight?! The mind is the control center. Why dampen that? -",
"-But 11+ years in this, now I can use a tequila shot...took 11+ years...",
"- thinking back, you feel you had it made... i mean i was the guy who'd never get ID'd at bars. In the tequila shot incident, its kinda funny, when you pass through, you gotta help the one whose idea it was for tequila shots, get in...-",
"- I think part of the thrill is, for some, it's something you can't do...",
so saw on Google News that a woman gave birth to 10 babies...that is something else...
https://t.co/zah5uOZgmZ
"you know if I make it big, in my spare time, i think i'll be a pharmacist and/or astronomer...",
"saw this light skinned African American girl modeling for probably her Instagram, outside a store I went to today...kinda makes you wish you were taller...like I said this morning, some people have looks that go beyond the average human...like the Charlies Angels comment...",
"chicken enchiladas or chicken stuffed with cheese and broccoli...good stuff...",
"online ordering..U never no what'll happen..ordered a brownJacket of 1 particularSize from macys &got a whiteJacket of a different size..another macys story? ordered 2 large jackets from the same brand, different color. 1 is loose like XL & the other fits.-Manufacturing Defect...",
"I hear \"Harley Quinn\" on HBO Max is good...looking forward to that on Saturdddayyy...-heard its like a mature Batman cartoon...",
"currently experiencing sunset through the blinds in my room...kinda would be nice to be out in a field and immerse oneself in it...has a glow to it, unlike the brightness of sunrise...yeah i know, i'm corny...",
"looks like @sesamestreet has gotten new characters, in going beyond bert and ernie...",
"so today no tumblr link, as you can just scroll down/up and read...",
"So on Facebook you see these clips of women proposing to guys‚WOW‚it‚like women never ask a guy out and just give vague signs, and you find out there are women who go so far as to ‚proposing to a guy.‚ Why isn‚t that real life‚direct expressions/interactions over signs!",
"-there are a bunch of clips on Facebook. One is about a girl who cheated on a guy..& it got me philosophical 4 a moment..when some1 nowadays says ‚cheat‚ in a relationship, it means U had relations w/ another. I think its incredible that ‚dating men &women‚ cheat in that regard-",
"-I mean it‚1 thing if married people cheat on each other, but u wonder how do ‚dating people‚ cheat? I mean ‚can‚t u just say I‚m no longer interested &move on?‚ And then on tv, u hear women encourage each other 2 go for the ‚best deal,‚ regardless of the stage of life.-",
"- I mean one thing you learn about Americans is that they have no conscience. Corny as it sounds, you don‚t follow ur heart.-",
"The other day I was waiting on a parking space through cars passing by, while my signals on. A middle aged mother with a baby in a white SUV, seeing my signal, steals the space, and waits for my car to pass by, before getting out. A mother of a baby did that. -",
"- this is where this country is at, and by the time my ‚situation‚ is over, trust me when I say, ur going to see America exposed.",
"Moving onto another note,-",
"- I think girls are more likely to cheat then guys. Sure it‚said that guys only think/care about one thing. But here‚something you probably weren‚t aware of. I learned a while back that women can multitask better and focus on multiple things. -",
"- women are wired that way b/c evolution/biology wise, it‚supposed 2 help them be mothers. Men are wired to be able to focus on 1 thing at a time. So, on a positive note, in a relationship, a woman can be the person who comes up with all of the ideas 2 improve quality of life.-",
"- in such a relationship, the multi focus woman comes up with the ideas, and the 1 focus man, encourages a single plan for those ideas or one idea being better than the rest. Thats 1 way things can happen. But the multi focused woman will be more inclined to think of other men.-",
"- whereas the single minded man holds the potential of placing that one woman on a pedastil (if that‚how it‚spelled) or on a high place to cater to.",
"- some men want to fulfill desire, while others also seek a companion, but women are generally after the ‚best deal.‚ Their friends are notorious for encouraging this
"Moving on‚-",
"They say a husband and wife compliment each other‚so the ideal boyfriend/girlfriend must do the same‚-",
"-when ur bored with time to think, for those that solely think we‚re evolution based, how does evolution, without an Intelligent Creator, create males and females, who are complimentary with respect to physical body parts and mentally in terms of love and support provided?!",
"So vitamin water and Powerade, found at your supermarket and vending machines, has 27 grams and 34 grams of sugar, respectively. BUT,-",
"‚ Rebbl ‚ drinks are nourishing, but cost about $4.50. They only contain 9-10 grams sugar. Koia Plant Based Shake has 4 grams of sugar and protein. And bai juice has antioxidants and 1 gram sugar. This good stuff costs around $4.50 a small bottle. Why is that?-",
"-Is it because people don‚t know about these drinks that I‚ve found on InstaCart and Wegmans, and hence, not enough people are buying it?",
"Amazon groceries (Fresh version or Whole Foods version) sells a version of Chocolate Nesquick with just 3 grams of sugar‚ tastes the same
June 11th & June 12th tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:
https://t.co/bmjlPKFDu9
"June 13th tweets
"Want 2 shave around the line up or shape up from ur barber? ‚Single foil electric‚ shavers help. There aren‚t that many on the market. Try the ‚Babylisspro‚ single foil shaver. Want to do your facial hair line up/shape up by urself? Try the ‚Andis 74000 Professional T Outliner‚ .",
"So when I first bought a particular item, it was $95. Today, just feel like googling stuff, and find that the same item is selling for $38. Really makes you wonder about the true value of stuff, what it costs to make quality things, and how much money companies are making
"The old school straight razor from Japan‚‚Feather‚ brand can help with line ups/shape ups of facial hair
"So religion and psychology‚I feel if you practice the discipline recommended by religion, along with incorporating the meditative or yogic practices of other religions, psychology, in a lot of cases, would be out of a job. There are some bad cases,but those aside‚-",
"- when it comes to religion, while people have the freedom 2 be as liberal as they choose, hard core discipline, when religions first started, must have been necessary. Guidance from religion led to good families & good upbringing of children. It led to productivity & progress.-",
"- I mean, like in the days of primitive man, or I guess like 2500 years ago, when people must‚ve partied, or bluntly put: got f*ked all day, there was no progress, not productivity, no improvement to the quality of life‚ we probably wouldn‚t have TVs, laptops, cell phones, etc.-",
"- it‚because people managed to focus on bigger and better things, that they made something of themselves, and that we enjoy the quality of life offered today, despite the lack of a conscience for the most part
"Moving on from a thought
"With life in general, from jobs to clothes, I think it‚good to have options
"Restaurants usually have a group of people‚that being known, where on earth do all the people park for the restaurants in Bronxville‚Pondfield Road?!",
"That ‚ahhh why now?!‚ Moment when you voice crackles in front of a pretty girl, from not speaking all morning
"If you like Greek food, like the more well known baklava, you gotta try the Greek dessert: ‚Galaktoboureko.‚ It‚delicious, after a Greek/Mediterranean Lamb Gyro with Tzatziki sauce
"I dunno, I started wondering‚a girl once told me she thought I‚d look good with an earring in onE ear-for starters, don‚t know how I‚d explain it to my parents‚even at this age‚-",
"-The funny thing about earrings? I went to all boys Catholic private college preparatory high school. There we had to be clean shaven and wear blazers and ties to school, but guys were allowed to wear one earring in 1 ear‚so earrings are considered proper with suits‚who knew?!-",
"Nowadays, they sell temporary tattoo printers. At present, I see a lot of people my age with tattoos.Why get a permanent 1, when u can get a realistic 1 that‚temporary?! I mean‚chances are u have beautiful skin & could be stared it all day‚why make there be less of u 2 show?!",
"So when you swipe ur card to make purchases at some food/beverage places, along with asking for a receipt, it also asks if you want to leave a tip‚I mean you go to a restaurant here and there, you naturally leave a tip‚but what if it‚a place you go to everyday with ur card?!",
"So, chocolate chip or cookie dough? I prefer cookie dough
"So back when I wore sweatpants, we‚d wear them like cargoPants-pockets on side/kinda baggy‚u can‚t findAPlace thatSellsThese sweatpants anymore-how do they go outOfStyle, compared 2 regularSweatPants?! Closest thing I could find are‚Nike Joggers‚ &they cost 40 freakin‚ bucks.",
"That moment where you wonder why the guy dropping off your box, left it on the first of three steps toward your front door, leaving you to walk outside. Like everyone else, can‚t it be dropped off in front of the front door, above those three steps?",
"As I get caffeinated to catch up on some work, it occurs to me‚I‚m in my very early thirties. Everyone I grew up with is getting married or have kids. As you may have heard from me, it‚been a lifelong dream to make a girl my best friend in college, and marry her.-",
"- the ‚situation‚, from start 2 finish, in all itsVariations, over all these yrs, messedUp thatDream. Since I was little, I wanted a female some1 who was the sameAge asMe. MyParents are 6 years apart, w/my dad being older. I dunno, I kinda wanted some1 on the same page,an equal.-",
"- now with all who I know being married or with children, I‚ll probably end up with someone younger than me. Way to mess up my ‚same age‚ dream, orchestrators
"You know what‚good? Sorbettos and gelatos
"So there‚another Thor movie coming up in 2022, Guardians of the Galaxy movie coming up in 2023-good to see what happens post-Thanos‚theres another doctor strange movie, black panther, ms marvel‚Thank God for Marvel‚DC needs fo keep up with their releasing of movies
"so in some place around the world and in older times, people would base relationships on astrology. In America, people look to astrology for fun. In India, they have their more in depth astrology system - probably more accurate, as its from Hinduism. -",
"- i think basing relationships on the characteristics of a star sign is limiting. People are more than signs. I don't believe a star sign says what you are, but instead, what you have the potential of being. According to American astrology, I'm a Libran - the scales of justice.-",
"-Ironically, i'm probably in the most unjust thing that can happen to a person. For me, it would be ideal to get Gemini or an Aquarius. But Leos are good too. But these are just limiting details. If you have an open heart and a conscience, you can be with any star sign.-",
"-Ages ago, I knew a Cancer, according to astrology. According to one site, it said \"if there's time, there's potential, and would be an affectionate couple.\" What's funny about that girl...they say there are two kinds of Librans. The partying Librans and the romantic Librans...-",
"- The one I am, I'll leave it to my potential girl friend/spouse to figure out, but the guy this June star sign went with, was, from first impression, more the party Libran. What do you do when girls want that...",
"-Me, being a Libra, the only inanimate thing in the zodiac - it says we're social, king of friends & relationships...& here we are, with the orchestrators who bring up cr*p about me not being liked or in need of friends...don't like me? chances are i don't like you either, lol..-",
"- but point being, whether it be for a relationship or your career (as mine says I should be a lawyer), your destiny, your fate (as they're two different concepts), rests solely on the choices of an individual. Those choices depend on the smartness and wisdom of the individual.-",
"-Never let anything - be it something cosmic like astrology or another person - tell you what you are, or what you can be. You decide your fate, your destiny. Take charge of your life.",
June 13th tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:
https://t.co/yt1vx5tnnL
"6/14/21 tweets
"Did you know February 2, 2020 was an event that occurs after 900 years? The date is a palindrome. 02/02/2020 - reads the same backwards and forwards‚Man o man, I missed it
"Whatever happened to BTS after Dynamite?!",
"Christmas songs always make one feel good‚the whole mood and setting of Christmas, especially a white Christmas is beautiful
"‚Angels we have heard on high‚- personal favorite- Gloooo-oooo-ooooo‚Äî riiiaaa",
"I have a friend from 14 years ago, named Zac‚recently saw his 2-4 year old daughter call him ‚daddy‚ in a Facebook video‚really moves a guy‚around Easter I think, there was a Facebook clip of her signing ‚Hosanna‚‚smart little girl
"From Wellerman -‚sea shanty‚ to Katherine jenkins ‚Sancta maria‚ to ‚adeste Fideles‚ to Stevie wonder ‚ave Maria‚‚my Spotify playlist just started playing this stuff‚I really enjoyed it‚whatever genre these songs were‚maybe you will too‚be warned, it‚old school stuff
"So this Church I go 2..Annunciation in Yonkers..its a nice Church..can take back roads from my house 2 get there..but whether or not its b/c I go 2 their 7:30 or 10 am Masses, theres not even 1 song‚u need a song like ‚He will raise you up on Eagles Wings‚‚ songs move the soul.",
"Aesthetics of a place, a person, always affects thoseAround u. People shouldMakeThemselves presentable &places like Churches should be aesthetically pleasing. In the sixth grade, I remember seeing Sacred Heart Church inYonkers 4 the 1st time. It was beautiful in magnificent way.-",
"-seeing that Church for the 1st time really moved me inside. It facilities feeling like ur in the majesty of God
"- speaking of aesthetics, Iona Prep is also a magnificent high school. You hear private school or college preparatory school, some are inclined to think about preppy kids. But we were shown a mode of life for our future. There I met teachers like Mr. Henry or Mrs. Fealy. -",
"- these were model teachers, exceptional in teaching. In Mrs. Fealys biology class, I struggled, but she was available after school, everyday 2 try to drill the material into the annoying kid that was me. For her, I may have been a speck in time, but r me,she was a modelTeacher.-",
"- at neither Binghamton nor party school, did I meet such dedicated teachers. I mean college professors have office hours, but a lot of them are professors not to teach, but to use the research facilities at a University location.-",
"- Binghamton is termed the Harvard of the SUNYs. But thru life experience, as appropriate FOR MY INDIVIDUAL LIFE, Ive found you get what you paid for. I think if I went to a private college, among non IVYs, like Manhattan College, facilities and instruction would‚ve been better.-",
"- state colleges are probably the worst place to seek out a money saving opportunity. Some say focus on a good graduate school, but undergrad serves as the foundation for the rest of ur possibly continuing education and you always need a good base.-",
"-anyway back to the great high school I mentioned: Iona Prep of New Rochelle. The school has a motto: ‚Estoti Firmi‚. It‚s, I believe, Latin for ‚Stay Firm.‚ Over these 11+ years, I‚ve had lots of time to think. That motto has crossed my mind, among other things‚-",
"- through the good moments in life, as well as life‚storms, you need to stand tall, with your feet in the ground, and face things- or simply put, stay firm, stay strong, maintain consistency, maintain who you are in ur identity, despite all that brushes against you.-",
"- this situation paints me in all sorts of ridiculous ways 2get me 2react 4 their entertainment purposes. For 11+ years, Ive been abandoned by people &left alone as depicted being one thing or the other. But Ive realized I‚ve got to maintain me, try to get a correcting word out.-",
"@IonaPrep , thank you for the privilege of being part of your community, my education, you being who and how you are, and for your motto: ‚Estoti Firmi .‚",
"Great thing a grade school/high school can do is give incentive 4 a day off.-",
"-Iona Prep, run by Irish Christian Brothers-followers of Blessed Edmund Rice- had 1particularBrother‚I believe his name was Brother O‚Conner(2002). For collecting so many cans 4Thanksgiving drive, we were awarded a day off‚makes school exciting
"So I said state ***Colleges don‚t always have the best professors‚u may argue w/their graduation rates‚but in a lot of cases, that‚not b/c of a particular professors teaching‚its b/c of a students ability 2teach him/herself the material thru their ability 2 grasp textbooks.-",
"- like when you pay for college, ur paying for their reputation (if they have one), the facilities, and those select few of professors who give exceptional notes, for making teaching urself the textbook easier.",
"Listen to this Japanese song from the anime, ‚The Seven Deadly Sins‚ ‚ it‚addicting‚it‚called ‚ Netsujou no Spectrum ‚ and it‚by Ikiminogakari . YouTube it ‚ makes you feel like ur on an adventure with friends or on some epic quest
"So some of U may have biases towards theChinese, in terms of American made vs. China made, or maybe even basedOn COVID . But I have many ChineseFriends (along with East Asian friends in general-Im South Asian) &the Chinese are greatPeople, a smartPeople. Their products areGreat.-",
"- I personally feel America is in a slump with new products ( could have to do with present day culture and mentality). The disciplined hardworking Chinese come up with revolutionary futuristic devices that can better life.-",
"-Personally, today, things have been slow. Was having a hard time focusing, caffeine wasn‚t helping, taking my mind off work and taking a break wasn‚t working‚so I searched for solutions when this happened last‚and I found the -",
"-like I wasSaying, I foundThe‚ Afunso Head Scalp Massager ‚ onAmazon. WorthItsPrice. It uses compressionTech 2 increaseCirculation 2the head. I suddenlyFelt able&ready 2get back 2work. How many of ourProblems areDue 2 poor Circulation? &the meds people goOn instead..sad,America.",
"So if U buy 2 exact sameShirts from Macy‚-Polo Ralph Lauren or anyBrand-theyll fit differently.Same w/Amazon. Buy 2 of anything made in America/China/Wherever, &those 2things might workComparativelyDifferently. Whats goingOn w/manufacturing? Shouldn‚t these things be identical?",
June 14th tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below:
https://t.co/ODh6egvsJt
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2023: A Year That Existed (Wrapping Up the Year)
Hey everyone! Now with xmas outta the way practically nothing else is really happening this year except for New Year's Eve, which means 2023 is another year in the books!
Here's a highlight reel of the year in order (sort of idk):
January - My track Blissful Ecstacy gets frontpaged on Newgrounds and a month later gets noticed by luminoghost himself!
February - The Splatoon 3 Expansion Pass gets revealed to the world, launching me as well as others into speculation on whatever the hell Side Order's plot is gonna be, a state of insanity that would last until Spetember (unless if you're like me and found out about the leaked Side Order files that were datamined sometime in the summer!)
March - Wave 1 of Splatoon 3's Expansion Pass comes out alongside Fresh Season 2023. Anyways, Cereza and the Lost Demon came out and boy was it hella fun to play!
April - My birthday was on the 13th and we also had the Zelda splatfest that month, which was pretty neat :D. Also, Cult of the Lamb's first major content update came out. I wouldn't be able to actually play this thing until a few months later because of some bug connected to the reclics room.
May - Tears of the Kingdom came out and I'd end up spending a month plus away from S3 trying to finish the game.
June - The disapointment of a season known as Sizzle Season 2023 comes out and I'm still working on TotK, only finishing it halfway through the month and then finally experiencing Sizzle Season myself shortly after finishing TotK. Also, school went out for me that month :D
July - It was either this month or August where we got the summer nintendo direct. Still no Side Order, but we got the announcement of Princess Peach Showtime tho!
August - School started up again and it felt like being dragged back to hell. Bomb Rush Cyberfunk, formerly known as the Jet Set Radio 3 that never was, came out but I didn't get to play until September.
September - A bombshell hits the Splatoon community shortly after the catastrophe known as the fallout after Shiver v Frye v Big Man as a full trailer for Side Order comes out in the September direct, revealing that Agent 8 would be returning to the game, Pearl has been turned into a drone, the Inkopolis Square we play in isn't the actual Inkopolis Square but a replica of it, and most importaintly DEDF1SH WOULD BE AN IMPORTAINT CHARACTER IN THE DLC. Also I consumed as much media related to Dear Evan Hansen this month for some reason.
October - Spooky month. Nothing much happened this month besides me ending my long running Hellbent Concept OST series tbh so moving on...
November - My track Hellfish Heretic would get frontpaged on Newgrounds and Scott Pilgrim Takes Off released on Netflix.
December - To cap off the entire year I basically turned into a full fledged victim (the Killers fan) by listening to a bunch of their music & listening to video essays on folks tryna piece together the story of the Murder Trilogy, even doing so myself over here on tumblr some time ago. Also I finally played Deltarune and I'm currently starting Undertale (now I have to unlearn everything I did in Deltarune just so I can play Undertale lmao).
This year didn't start off that great for me, but it eventually improved as the months went by, to be honest. Got two more tracks on the front page of Newgrounds, my art improved a bunch over the past year for the most part, and I've gotten a few more followers across all my socials (not a lot but it's something!), so this year wasn't too bad.
Now, what am I gonna do in the next year when it comes to my own content? Well, of course I'm gonna continue with my usual writing pieces, art, music, ect., but I'm also gonna throw in some extra bigger projects into the mix as well! Because Side Order comes out next year, I'll be starting finally writing my Splatoon OCs' Side Order arc stories (I've been teasing the arc for a while now), as well as reworking and finally writing other stories about my OCs as well. Also, I plan on starting a seperate blog for a story surrounding Ribbon & WD sometime next year! The story is being worked on right now and I plan on structuring the blog as part ask blog for Ribbon & WD and part comic sorta thing, so something similar to that one fannmade Splatoon comic #14 crush.
Anyways, hope y'all had a great year and I hope y'all have a greater 2024. If you've been sticking around my blog this entire time, thanks for being there to see my stuff. If you're just finding out about my existence via this post you should give me a follow if ya want :D
See y'all on the flip side (of order)!
Can't wait to finally play Side Order in a few months yay!!!
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The Consort's Fate - Chapter 4 - Part 1
*Warning Adult Content*
Finn
Douglas' gaze follows the winding path of cobblestone, squinting as it disappears behind the blockade of lush foliage.
Most would choose something a bit more practical to separate themselves from the world, cement walls, bricks or even a mote, perhaps.
Mr. Primary was purposeful in his selection of protection, though.
It needed to have the appearance of seclusion without separation.
We couldn't appear to be shutting out the rest of the world, after all.
Besides, creating a wall of armor implies we have something to fear.
Something or someone to be protected from.
All of these silent messages share a single commonality, vulnerability in the form of weakness.
And that, I have learned, is a particular quality Mr. Primary undoubtedly abhors.
No, he will never admit he needs protection;,however, he has no qualms in advocating for my protection.
Everything is attributed on my behalf, everything from the excessive number of guards, the remote location and even my ever-growing list of rules and regulations.
'Believe me, Finn. There's nothing that would make me happier than granting you the freedom you so desperately want for yourself. I want it for you every bit as much as you want it for yourself. But you underestimate that demon. Your memories are gone, so you do not remember what evils unfolded because of him. You don't remember and cannot possibly fathom what he's capable of.
If he ever got his hands on you, he would torture you, Finn. Maybe even kill you. All for the sake of destroying me. No, until he is gone, I need to keep you safe. Not just for me but for this kingdom, too. But do not fret, he will be captured soon enough. And when he is, I will have you by my side as we watch him vanish from this universe, forever.'
Mr. Primary's vow replays in my head and I turn the details over and over again.
It's no secret that his hatred for the vampire species runs soul deep.
Over the years, a few, straggling vampires were found.
They were in hiding but the Secondary guards successfully sniffed them out and brought them to our doorstep.
I never saw them myself of course but I gathered all I needed to know from the hurried whispers amongst the staff as they bustled about my chamber.
They saw them come into the fortress but no one saw them leave.
I don't know where they were kept or what happened to them.
I don't ask.
All I know is that he, the nemesis vampire, is still out there, perpetually slipping from Mr. Primary's grasp.
Based on all the stories, I've admittedly developed a distaste for this 'demon-like' being.
I despise him for what he did to me and moreover, that it's his fault that I'm kept as a prisoner in my own home.
Still... I can't help the sense of wonder that disbands my thoughts whenever he's mentioned.
He is the only being I know who has successfully outsmarted Mr. Primary.
That is no small feat.
What's more, he continues to outsmart him, each and every day.
At the very least, it speaks to his intelligence, no matter how loathsome and detestable he might be.
Douglas glances at his watch, shifting his weight from foot to foot.
"We'll be leaving any minute now," he murmurs, adjusting his cuffs back into place.
"Do you have everything you need?"
I tuck my hands behind my back.
"I've had everything I need to leave this fortress for years. What I've been missing is the opportunity to do so. And you? Are you ready for the journey ahead?"
Douglas breathes out a sigh.
"I'm here to protect you, Mr. Secondary... um... Finn," he corrects quickly.
"Whatever that entails, I am ready for it."
Ever the diplomat.
The curiosity gnawing at the depths of my mind slips past its boundary line and travels at the speed of light before reaching the tip of my tongue.
I know it's not appropriate for me to ask questions about him.
In fact, some would argue it's forbidden.
Treasonous, perhaps.
But in the solace of the woods, I take the rare chance.
"Do you believe him to be as evil as Mr. Primary says?" I whisper quietly, glancing about us for any potential unwanted listeners.
"The vampire nemesis?"
Douglas stiffens.
Fear and angst permeate from his cells, though outwardly he shows no signs of the emotions within.
Despite broaching the dangerous topic, he must know I would protect him.
I'd throw myself at the mercy of Mr. Primary if it meant saving him.
"I came to this fortress as a guard to the Secondaries. As a guard to you."
Douglas selects his words with the same care one would use cutting circuits to defuse a mine.
"But I came after the war. I was never around when he was here. I've only heard stories... stories from the Secondaries and stories from the humans. But even those stories are scarce nowadays and the details never paint a clear picture. It's like trying to pinpoint a moving target. But here's what I do know. Mr. Primary is a warrior like no other. His instincts are subpar to none. He wouldn't protect you as fiercely as he does without a just cause. So, if you're asking me if I think the vampire is as evil as everyone thinks, my answer is uncertain. However, if you're asking me whether or not I think he's still after you, my answer reflects Mr. Primary's behavior. And that answer is unequivocally, yes."
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hey lovely! I have a robin request haha 😄
I'm thinking maybe reader is a cheerleader and kind of popular but she's not the mean type and is more of a nice go everyone type? and reader has been pulled into the upside down stuff and robin confesses to liking reader when they're alone due to being stressed about reader possibly getting hurt?
I'm sorry for how frantic and messy this request is I for some reason can't word things well at the moment 😅.
<3 thanks love!!
Confessions
robin buckley x reader
summary: robin ends up in the upside down with the cheerleader she's been pining over for years
warnings: fem!reader, some allusions to period-typical homophobia, there’s a small injury, gals being gay
a/n: i may have been a bit too confident in my abilities when I was asking for request considering nowadays my writing experience is almost exclusively academic papers but here we go anyway! i really hope you enjoy this <3
edit: i just realized this is my first ever real fic so go me!! let’s go lesbians!!
Robin Buckley was obsessed with Y/N L/N. From the moment you walked through the gym’s double doors to come practice the big routine with the band, she couldn’t take her eyes off you. In all honesty, she was kind of in love.
It would’ve been a lot easier for her to deal with her feelings if you had done what she assumed you would do, which was ignore her. To her dismay, Robin quickly discovered that you intended to do nothing of the sort.
Unlike most of the other cheerleaders, you actually interacted with the band at joint practices, occasionally wandering over to the bleachers and striking up conversations when you had a break. You took the time to learn everyone’s names and seemed genuinely interested in what people had to say, even when it involved musical terminology that you were clueless about.
It seemed like something out of some cheesy movie. The band kid falling for the cheerleader? Aisle 7-b of Family Video had at least three films with the exact same plot.
As much as Robin might have wished it so, in real life, cliches like that just didn’t happen, especially if the lead roles were both girls.
Looking back, maybe it wasn’t too unrealistic, considering the horror movie you had found yourselves trapped in.
Following a blurred and panic-filled series of events, you had managed to land yourself in what Robin called “The Upside Down.”
Almost immediately, you were swarmed by what looked like demonic bats, and one of them had managed to attach itself to your leg, leaving a wound that was steadily oozing blood.
After Robin ripped the creature off of you, the two of you managed to fight off the initial swarm before running and finding cover. Robin tried her best to give you an abridged version of everything that had happened behind the scenes in Hawkins the past few years, and, all things considered, you were taking it quite well.
Robin, on the other hand, was almost hysterical.
The two of you huddled under a large fallen tree, using a torn strip of Robin’s shirt to wrap your wound. Her hands shook as she applied the makeshift bandage, and you hissed in pain as she tied it off.
Robin winced at the sound, apologizing frantically. “(Y/N), I’m so sorry, you never should’ve been dragged into this-”
“Robin,” you started.
“-It’s all my fault I c-”
“Robin.”
“Shit, I’m so so sorry-“
“Robin!” You reached forward and gently cupped her cheek in one hand, making her look at you.
“None of this is your fault,” you assured her, looking directly into her eyes.
She tried to speak again, but you cut her off. “Listen to me. Whatever messed up shit is happening right now, none of it is on you. Robin, you saved my life.”
You suddenly realized how close you had gotten. Your faces were only inches apart, close enough for you to count the freckles that dotted across her nose. You let your hand drop from her face, suddenly very nervous.
You normally had no problem with confidence, nervousness being a rather foreign feeling, but there was something about the girl in front of you that gave you butterflies in your stomach.
“I can’t let anything happen to you,” Robin said quietly. “You’re too important and good, and god (Y/N), I’ve liked you for so long and I know you’ll never feel the same way and I can’t believe i’m telling you this now but if we don’t make it out I just wanted you to know-”
You surged forward and pressed your lips to hers, effectively putting an end to her rambling. She remained frozen for a few seconds as if in shock before melting into it, eagerly kissing you back. You teased her bottom lip with the tip of your tongue, and she gasped, the prettiest sound you’d ever heard. You wanted more of those noises; you wanted to hear all of them, to make her whine and moan and fucking scream.
Your parents would kill you if they could see you right now, and you couldn’t imagine what your friends would think, but all that mattered in the moment was Robin.
Robin, who made sarcastic comments at practice that always managed to crack you up. Robin, who never shut up in the most endearing way. Robin, whose lips were so soft against yours.
You broke apart after a few more moments, panting, a giddy smile painting both your faces.
“I like you too, if that wasn’t obvious.”
“Yeah?” Robin beamed at you.
“Yeah.”
Robin snorted as the absurdity of the situation set in. “You know I always imagined our first kiss would be somewhere nicer.”
You giggled lightly. “Not exactly first date material, right?”
“I’d really like to take you out. On a date, I mean.” Robin laughed nervously. “I mean only if you want to, I understand if you don’t want to be seen with me in public or anything.”
A roar rang out in the distance, and you both jumped.
“Let’s get out of here first, and I’d love nothing more.”
#robin buckley x reader#robin buckley#stranger things#stranger things x reader#wlw#let’s go lesbians!!
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Miss. Vagabond
Summary: Jungkook has fallen for one of his online friends. You two had promised each other not to look each other up when you started playing games all those years ago... but he'd know your voice in an instant, including in the drink isle of his local supermarket.
genre: fluff, smut, slight slow burn
w/c: 8,402
"It's a Michael!"
The sound drags through the ear piece on Jungkook's headset, a screech, panic coursing through his veins at the sound. He has to get to you. He has to get you away from him.
"This generator is 99'd, I'll come save you in a second." Seokjin calls out, his voice much more calm than the panicked screeching leaving your mouth simultaneously. Jungkook is quiet, following the line of the abandoned shack and sneaking passed the basement. From the corner of his eye he spots you running from the killer, hunched over and limping while you throw down a pallet in an attempt to stun the Michael. He furrows his brows and picks up a flashlight from the ground, running in between you and the killer, lifting his flashlight and blinding him momentarily.
"Thank you!" you shout, your panic still evident while you run away. Jungkook silently prays your scratch marks aren't too obvious while he runs out of view of the killer just as Seokjin pops the final generator.
"Okay, Miss. Vagabond, I'm on my way to save you." Seokjin sings, calling you by your gamer tag and giggling while he runs in your direction.
"Little late on the draw there, hyung." Jimin laughs. He's been dead for half the match and switched between spectating Jungkook and Seokjin.
"Yeah," you giggle, and Jungkook can see your character dancing behind him while he opens the exit gate to escape, "I'm at the gate with Jungkookie."
The Michael has given up, staring at the three survivors from a distance while you all point and taunt before exiting the match.
"Why won't you let me be your hero, _____?" Seokjin pouts, his voice cracking with fake emotion.
"I don't need a hero." you say smugly, and Jungkook bites his lip in an attempt to call out the fact that he saved you. He likes letting you win.
Jimin yawns into his mic, "Okay, I'm going to bed. I have work early."
Seokjin agrees, siting something about not wanting to play with ungrateful demons and that he's 'too old for this shit'.
That left just you and Jungkook in the chat.
A few years ago on the servers for a game called Dead By Daylight, where the premise as a survivor is to complete generators and try to escape the killer, and as the killer your premise is to, well, kill... Jungkook met you late one night after gaming for practically the entire day in an attempt to up his rank faster than Seokjin. You were the first person he came across who actually knew how to run the killer, and to Jungkook that was more than enough to add you.
You two played together for months without using a headset. He would invite you, you would join, and the two of you would practically always escape. Even at the expense of the 2 other random survivors you joined with.
It wasn't until you told him about an app that allows people to chat about games that don't have a built in chat mode that Jungkook finally realized the stranger he had been texting non stop over the past 6 months was a female.
The first time you chatted, you made Jungkook promise not to look you up. You two had a good thing going, and the last thing you wanted was for it to be ruined by Jungkook either finding you so repulsive that he never wanted to play games with you again, or finding you attractive and only wanting nudes from you. Jungkook had to admit, he was offended that you lumped him in with the pea brains who think with their dicks, but he had to respect the fact that you err on the side of caution.
So, another 3 years has passed where you spoke every day through text, played games with each other at least twice a week, and began playing with Jungkook's personal friends as well.
He feels like he knows everything about you besides what you look like. You've told him secrets that only he knows, he's admitted things to you that he won't even tell his hyungs... There's something special going on. Speaking to you is always the best part of his day.
It's safe to say that despite never seeing you, he's attracted to you just from your character. Your kindness. Your voice.
"So," your voice is always so soft, slightly breathy from the dramatic screaming you do in game, "did you get that girl's number?"
Jungkook wants to laugh. He always tells you about these girls that he 'has a crush on', but the truth is that he never has any crushes. He thinks it's best to hide his crush on you with crushes on other people.
"Nah." he shrugs though he knows you can't see him.
"What am I going to do with you, Jungkook?" you giggle. He loves your giggle so much.
"What's the point of dating someone if I know it won't last?" he takes the opportunity to click onto Discord, the app that allows you two to talk, and he glances at the icon you have of a character you like from a manga. Jungkook likes that you read manga.
You groan, "You can't still be hung up on that girl from ages ago, right?"
He notices shuffling, meaning you've moved onto your bed.
"I am," he laughs, "it sucks that she didn't like me back. I thought she was the one."
"You haven't been laid in 3 years, you're still hung up on a girl you met a long time ago, and you're getting restless. I can tell." He knows your teasing him, he wishes he didn't offer up the information that he hasn't slept with anyone since he met that one girl. Well... since he met you.
Not for lack of trying. He's definitely tried to sleep with people, but he's learned that if he doesn't hear your voice moaning he doesn't want to hear anything.
"What about you?" he gets defensive, but his tone stays light, "you need to get laid too!"
"I'm a virgin, I'm not just throwing it away on a nobody!" you defend back, and Jungkook listens to hear the small sigh that follows this conversation.
"The concept of virginity-"
"Is dumb and it only has the power that you give it," you mock Jungkook's words, "yeah, yeah. I know. But your first time still has to be special."
Jungkook feels the hair on his arms stand up on their ends, and he rubs the back of his neck in an attempt to calm his racing pulse. Conversations like these aren't new with you, but the question that popped into Jungkook's brain causes him to want to bash his face in. Because why would he even think to ask you a question like that?
"Uh oh, you've gone quiet. Not a good night to talk about this?" your voice is sickly sweet, and Jungkook drinks it in like syrup.
"N- no," he sighs, feeling blood rush away from his extremities and a tingling to form in his fingers. He knows you, he shouldn't be scared to ask you questions. "I just thought of a question and I've decided I'm not gonna ask it."
"Well now you have to." you state as a matter-of-fact.
"Nope." Jungkook argues, enunciating the 'p'.
"Oh come on, you know I have a curious mind. I'm going to be thinking about this all night." you beg, your voice heightening in pitch. Jungkook didn't notice tones much until you began speaking to him. Now he can notice the slightest shift in your voice.
"It was inappropriate and I'm not risking making you uncomfortable." Jungkook dead ends the conversation, what he doesn't realize is that your interest has just been peaked a little more.
"Tell me. It won't make me uncomfortable if it comes from you. Some other random internet guy it probably would, but you've stuck around long enough that I know you're not just using me for anything." he can sense you shrugging by the end of your sentence.
He imagines you in your pajamas, small waist high shorts and knee high socks-- because your feet are always cold-- and a sports bra, because shirts are suffocating. The image has entered his brain before and for a split second, he marinates in the image, feeling his blood rush to his lower half.
He mulls over his options. He could deny asking the question and pissing you off (he doesn't like when you're pissed off at him), or he could ask the question and risk you blocking him forever. Even though your reassurance was justified, he still fears losing you.
"Please don't think I'm a pervert." Jungkook settles on, taking a deep breath.
"I probably will, but ask away."
He rolls his eyes, leaning his head against the back of his gaming chair, "Have you ever even had an orgasm before?"
He hears your short intake of breath. Oh fuck, he fucked up. He went too far.
Jungkook opens his mouth to apologize, but you beat him to the chase.
"Just because I've never fucked a man, doesn't mean I haven't had an orgasm." there's humor lacing your voice, and Jungkook feels stupid. Both at his curiosity and the fact that he thought you were that inexperienced.
"Besides..." he hears you let out a giggle, "from what I hear, women don't typically cum from sex with a man anyway. It's more about the experience."
Jungkook's hesitancy is replaced with defensiveness again, "That's not true. At least not with me."
You laugh again, "I call bullshit. I'm sure they're faking."
"No, if they don't cum at least twice I call it a fail."
"Twice?"
"Yeah," he feels his face heat up and his heart thud in his chest, "once with my tongue and once with my cock."
"Oh." you say softly. Jungkook can imagine that you're blushing too. He likes making you blush.
"Too brash? I apologize." Despite the apology, Jungkook feels somewhat rewarded with your meek response. You're not usually one to quiet down.
"Not at all," you nearly whisper, "I just didn't take you as the type to eat a woman out."
"Why?"
"I don't know... I guess I'm used to coming across men who are insistent on chasing their own pleasure." you explain. Jungkook imagines that you're twirling the cord to your headset on your bed, your legs crossed over each other and your other hand dancing gently across the hem of your shorts.
"It does please me if she is pleased." It's Jungkook's turn to laugh. Not from embarrassment, but rather the small squeak he received from you in response.
There's quietness for a moment, but it's not filled with anxiety like it was earlier. He's pleased with himself, because he knows he hasn't scared you away but rather he's made progress. He's getting to know every single inch of your personality.
"What are you thinking about?" he asks, his thumb tracing the inner part of his muscular thigh.
"How you haven't got laid in three years and are hoarding your skills to yourself." you tease.
Jungkook chuckles, "Find me the right girl and she'll get to see all my skills."
~*~*~
"The last thing on the list is..." Hoseok stares at the paper in his hand, looking around the grocery store and squinting at the signs hanging above the isles. Jungkook blows hair into his cheeks and sighs loud enough to make Hoseok laugh. "laundry detergent."
"Then why were you looking at the bread isle?" Jungkook questions, tossing his head back. Thinking Hoseok and Yoongi could make a trip to the store quick was Jungkook's first mistake.
His second mistake was pausing just long enough to lose sight of Hoseok.
He sighs, turning around to ask Yoongi where he went but Yoongi also seems to have disappeared. Rolling his eyes, he walks towards the drink isle and ponders over a bottle of Soju. He guesses he may have seemed confused, because he hears footsteps stop beside him.
"Hi sir, can I help you with something?"
No.
There's no fucking way.
Jungkook feels the hair on the back of his neck begin to tingle. He doesn't move his head to look upward, he only glances at the shoes in his line of sight. They're pink tennis shoes with white laces. They have a letter 'V' drawn on the top in black sharpie with various swirls surrounding it. It's pretty, feminine. That voice, though... He knows that voice too well. His ears instantly perk in the direction of the voice that he's heard regularly for the passed 3 years. It's smooth, breathy, just like yours. It carries just enough to be heard but not enough to grind on his ears. He feels his heart beat pick up and knows that he's on the verge of sweating but can't bring himself to move, or speak.
"Sir?" the voice asks again, and it's you. He knows it's you.
Jungkook feels his hand tremble with anticipation as he pulls his eyes away from the floor. He can't bring himself to look at your face yet, so he settles for looking just passed your shoulder.
"The raspberry Soju is delicious," you state, "I drink it after a looong day of work."
He wants to laugh, to look you in the eyes and say that it's him. He can't, though. He just can't.
"Okay," you giggle, "I'll be around if you need anything."
He sees your feet turn away and he finally looks up, seeing the back of your head while you sway away. The black pants and green shirt is that of an employee here, which confuses him. He thought you were a college student. He didn't know you had a job.
Before Jungkook has a chance to react, you turn around and for the first time, Jungkook meets your eyes. You're... cute. Your features aren't anything like Jungkook imagined but you're so much better. Your smile is bright and welcoming, even though he knows you're only smiling at him because it's your job. Your eyes are warm, your skin looks soft. He can't believe that this is the woman he's been friends with for so long. This is the person who's played video games with him on the days that he just needed a distraction. This is the person that Jungkook dreamed of meeting and now that you're right in front of him, he can't move his lips to talk.
Finally, you round the corner and just as suddenly as you appeared, you're gone.
He lets out a breath that he didn't know he was holding in, lifting his hand to wipe his brow. Jungkook feels a hand on his shoulder and he jumps, whipping his head around to meet eyes with Yoongi.
"Are you good?" the older one asks, carrying a bag of rice in his hand. Jungkook shakes the anxiety out of his shoulders while he gathers his thoughts.
"I think I just met Vagabond."
"What?" Yoongi was the first person to know that Jungkook had fallen for your voice and your words. His eyes are wide while he looks at the younger one.
Jungkook lets out a shaky breath, "It sounded just like her."
"Impossible," he didn't notice Hoseok standing behind Yoongi, "she lives in Gwangju."
Jungkook shakes his head, "No, she's from Gwangju. She moved to Seoul 2 years ago for college and made a joke about us running into each other and never even knowing it."
"Are you sure it was her?" Yoongi raises an eyebrow.
"Yes!" Jungkook feels distraught, "I know her voice better than I know anyone else's."
Hoseok smirks, grabbing Jungkook's shoulder and squeezing, "Well, you finally got your wish. You know what she looks like."
"The question is," Yoongi continues, "what will you do with this information, young one?" Yoongi is teasing Jungkook, he can tell, but there's an undertone to his words that makes Jungkook uneasy. He doesn't know how to even begin the conversation.
'Oh hi _____! Do you work at Seoul Market on 8th street? Because I'm pretty sure you tried to sell me some raspberry soju the other day!'
It makes no sense. You were right all those years ago, you two have a good thing going and who was Jungkook to come around and ruin it?
Jungkook slides Hoseok's hand off his shoulder and looks at his two friends, "I'm gonna pretend this never happened."
They both look at him confused, but Jungkook can't find it in himself to explain further, "Let's go pay."
~*~*~
The green bubble by your icon doesn't excite Jungkook like it used to. He bites his thumb, struggling to press the invite button. It's Friday night, a few days since he saw you for the first time. He hasn't been able to get you off of his mind ever since.
The constant flip of wanting to run back into the store and admit his identity to you and never wanting to mention that he's seen you in person has been exhausting. Yoongi tried to come into Jungkook's apartment and talk to him about it, but the thought made him nauseous.
Here you are, finally. Minutes away from his grasp, where the thought of being next to you is more than just his imagination. He could make it a reality, would you be so willing, but his hesitation is stronger than his want.
Rather, his fear of rejection might be stronger than his need.
Because who was he to assume you'd run into his arms? That for all these years, you have been wanting him just as much as he wants you? Hell, you've been trying to get him laid for years! There's no way you take this as seriously as he does.
"Hey JK!"
While lost in his thoughts, he had not noticed that you joined his channel.
Jungkook jumps, refocusing his eyes on the monitor and staring at the green ring around your icon. He clears his throat then unmutes his microphone, "Hey missy."
"How are you doing today?" you ask softly, you must have just gotten off.
Jungkook sighs, "I've been okay," he resists the urge to tell you everything, "just working a lot. How about you?"
"I met someone!" you shout, an excited glee evident in your voice.
Jungkook's blood suddenly feels icy in his veins. How? When he had just seen you? Is the universe playing some sort of sick joke?
"Well, not met," you giggle suddenly, "but I saw him!"
Jungkook lets out a small breath, composing himself slightly, "Tell me about this man."
He can almost hear the smile in your voice, "So I've been working at a grocery store for a couple of weeks, right..." fuck, you met him at the same place Jungkook saw you, "and there's this guy standing in the drink isle-"
It feels like Jungkook can't hear anymore. He only processes a ringing taking over his sense, his eyes clamping shut while he mutes his mic for fear that he may begin hyperventilating. You're talking about him.
HIM.
Taking a deep breath, he shakes his head in an attempt to make the ringing stop. There's a couple beats on your end of the line, ripping Jungkook out of his slight panic and bringing him back to reality.
"What did he look like?" He feels like he cut you off, but he's not sure.
"Shortish black hair, tattoos all over his arm, a lip ring that just-" you let out a hoot for dramatic affect, and he imagines you fanning yourself, "-If I didn't know any better I would have offered myself up right then and there."
Suddenly Jungkook's nervousness disappears, and he feels his sweaty palms start to dry. "Oh yeah?"
"This man was fine as fuck," Jungkook holds back a chuckle while you speak, "but there's no way he's into me."
"What? Why?"
"The dude wouldn't even look up until I walked away," you begin, "I asked him if he needed help and he ignored me. I told him about soju, and he ignored me. Like, I get it. Trying to stay loyal to whatever piece you may have but the least you could have done was acknowledge the person talking to you."
"Maybe he thought you were too pretty and it stole his voice."
"Hardee Har Har," you mock, "I think he just wasn't interested. Which is fine, totally fine. Just, upsetting."
Jungkook cocks an eyebrow, "Why?"
"Because he's the first guy I've found attractive in ages and he doesn't spare a glance at me. Do you know what that does for the morale?" your tone may be light but Jungkook knows you well enough to know that this is affecting you more than you let on.
"Who knows," Jungkook swallows, "maybe you'll see him again and this time he'll talk."
He hears you exhale in a shaky laugh, "Nah, the moment has passed," you let out an airy giggle, "who needs a man when I have you to play games with?"
Jungkook drops his gaze to his hands, "Right, you'll always have me."
"Good, then it's settled," you say, "now hop on Cold War so we can play sticks n stones. It's double XP weekend."
~*~*~
This is a dumb idea.
This is a terribly, terrible idea. Why on Earth would Jungkook walk his happy little ass to the store that you work in? Why would he walk into the doors and immediately walk to the same isle where he saw you the first time and pick up the same raspberry soju you suggested before?
His feet carry him to the checkout lanes, spotting you sitting comfortably behind lane 10. You're smiling at another customer, an older woman who's cart is full of different vegetables to get ready for the new year. She thanks you, accepting your bow in response while you hand her card back. As she walks out of the lane, Jungkook stands to the register.
You blink in surprise, swallowing while you swipe the pack of soju across the scanner.
"Will that be cash or card, Mister? Or do you plan on ignoring me again?"
Jungkook nearly gasps at your assertiveness, his eyes going wide. For a second he panics because in all honesty, he didn't think he would make it this far into the store. He almost felt like he wanted to get in and get out as quickly as possible but the moment he saw you he just couldn't walk away. If he talks, you'll know, though.
Pulling out his card, he glances to the floor while he hands it to you. His feet seem much more interesting than usual. As you reach forward to take it, your fingers brush against Jungkook's palm. He looks up, seeing your head cocked to the side.
"Are you deaf?" you question, motioning between your ear and mouth. Your expression is softer, more inquisitive. Jungkook imagines this is what you look like every time you asked him about his life.
He inhales, clearing his throat, "No, I'm not."
Your expression changes from soft to hard instantly, "So you were just ignoring me."
W...what? Do you not recognize his voice?
"N- no!" Instantly he feels himself fighting the urge to tell you everything again. There's a reason why you don't recognize his voice. He gets a second chance.
"Then why were you rude?"
"Jesus," Jungkook pinches the bridge of his nose, "I was too stunned to speak."
There's a flash of unknown emotion across your face, but you still seemed confused.
Fuck it.
"Okay, let's try this again," Jungkook wipes his palm against his jeans, his tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip. He doesn't miss the way your eyes fall to his lip ring, "I think we've been playing video games with each other. A lot. For like," he eyes your expression, your eyes falling wide, "years."
You freeze. You don't say a word, your hand paused in the air as you were in the process of handing his card back to him when Jungkook began to speak. He reaches forward, grabbing the card from your fingertips and waving his other hand in front of your face. His heart is racing, he tries to control his breathing but he is more nervous now than he was before he admitted his identity.
Before Jungkook has a chance to say anything else, you turn to the light above your lane and switch it off, grabbing your apron from around your torso and tossing it onto the counter. He takes a second to process the scene in front of him, watching you walk out the front door of the store. He picks up the soju and rushes out after you, apologizing to the people he ran past in his chase.
"_____!" he calls out your name while you rush to a bench at the end of the street, "wait!"
He's running to you while you collapse onto the bench, your chest heaving up and down. He stops in front of you, suddenly unsure of what his next move would be. Before he has a chance to think, you look up to him with wild eyes.
"I sat there and told you how fine I thought you were and this whole time you knew that it was you I was talking about?" you're breathless, he can't tell if you're angry. He fears you're unable to look passed this small mistake and he'll never have you in his life agai-
Your laughter cuts his thoughts off.
"You got me good, Jungkook," the first time you say his name in person feels like heaven on Earth, "I literally said," you can't get your words out because your laughter is so abundant, "that I'd give myself up to you and you just sat there and said nothing!"
"What was I supposed to say?" there's humor lacing his tone, "Hey, _____, did you know that was actually me in the store and the only reason I haven't gotten laid in 3 years was because I fell for you despite never knowing what you look like?"
Your laughter seizes, and Jungkook realizes what he said.
"You what?"
"Nothing." Jungkook sits beside you, his eyes not leaving yours.
"You fell for me even though-" you cut yourself off, "you fell just for my personality?"
Jungkook nods, he can't bring himself to speak again.
You furrow your brows and sit for a moment, but then you lean forward and press a gentle kiss to his cheek.
Jungkook feels his face heat up.
"Come to my apartment after I get off tonight, yeah? We have a lot to talk about."
Jungkook only nods again, still reeling at the feeling of your lips against his skin.
"Good," you giggle, "I'll see you back here at 8. It's nice to finally meet you, Jungkookie."
He only has a few hours to prepare, but he plans to make sure this is a night you won't regret.
It doesn't take him long to get home and take the most in depth shower of his entire life. He's not sure what's going to happen. You may crack open a bottle of wine and not want anything more than to talk. You may jump his bones the second your door closes. He can't say he's not hoping for the latter, because in spite of never having met in person all these years, he does no everything about you. Vice versa, of course.
His imagination did him well though. He wasn't far off on how he imagined you, your long expanse of legs being present even in your work uniform. The tightness of your pants squeezed your ass in just the right way and if Jungkook wasn't careful, he would ruin it all by reading the room wrong. He has to be steady, he has to know what you want. He has to listen to you.
He blow drys his hair quickly, hearing a knock on the bathroom door.
"Yeah?" Jungkook calls out, clicking off the blow dryer and dipping his finger tips in a little bit of gel.
The door opens and Yoongi walks in, leaning against the doorway, "What are your plans tonight?"
Jungkook's cheeks redden slightly, "I'm seeing her. I talked to her today, confirmed everything, and now I have a date."
Yoongi tilts his head, "So she was just... cool with it all? You popping into her physical life after years of promising you weren't going to look each other up?"
Jungkook's movements cease, his arms dropping, "Do you think she's going to yell at me or something?"
Yoongi shrugs, a sound akin to a groan but softer as he turns and stretches his body leaving his mouth, "If it were me, I would question your motives a little more. What are the odds that after living in the same city for 2 years, you randomly run into each other?"
"But that's exactly what happened." Jungkook states.
"She doesn't know that," Yoongi murmurs, "she's gonna have her guard up to try and figure out what happened and why you found her so suddenly."
"She kissed my cheek, hyung."
Yoongi raises an eyebrow, "Just be careful. I don't want your heart broken because you inadvertently scared the shit outta her."
"What's scary about that?"
"There's 9 million people in Seoul, over 200 square miles worth of land, and you mean to tell me she's just going to believe that you ran into her and recognized her voice immediately by chance?" Yoongi folds his arms.
"But that's what happened!" Jungkook's anger is prominent. There's no way Yoongi is purposely trying to piss him off but he can't help but want to punch him square in the face right now. This is a good thing. He's going to be happy and Yoongi is trying to ruin it. Yoongi doesn't get the chance to say anything else before Jungkook is pushing passed him, "Go back to your apartment, hyung. There's a reason I live alone now."
He doesn't see Yoongi leave, but he hears his footsteps totter out the door.
He glances at the time and blows out an anxious breath, grabbing his keys and slipping out of his door.
It doesn't take him long to pull up to the front door of your work, seeing you already standing and ready for him. He sees you hesitate, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. Why did Yoongi have to make him so nervous?
You open his passenger door and slip inside, turning your body to face him entirely, "You're not gonna kill me, right?"
"What?! No!" Jungkook responds incredulously.
"Okay, good," you inhale, and a smile takes over your face, "turn right."
Jungkook follows your directions with ease, his grip slowly loosening as the drive goes on. You tap your fingers against your thigh to the song Jungkook has playing lightly from the stereo, pointing to a small apartment building at the end of a street of businesses. Despite the bustling sounds of the city just behind you two, Jungkook only hears the quietness of your steps while you walk up the stairs to your apartment.
"It's not...nice," you slip your key into the door and slide your hair behind your ear, "but it's home-y. I like it."
Jungkook nods, following you into the apartment while you begin turning on lights, "Luxury isn't a necessity, as nice as it is."
He looks around the apartment, a one bedroom one bathroom with a small kitchen in the corner. A small couch sits against the wall with a picture of an art piece hanging above it, he recognizes the piece as one you did in high school, back when you thought you were going to grow up and be the best artist in the world. He laughs because he knows you could have done it, but the realities of being an adult took you over.
"My set up is in my room," you motion for him to follow you, "I finally got a second monitor as a Chirstmas present from my parents. It only took them 4 years to realize my hobby was important to me but I'm glad they actually took my gift suggestions into consideration."
Jungkook follows you into your room, watching you bend down to plug in a string of fairy lights. The room illuminates and at the far wall from the door sits a white desk with one of the sickest PC set ups Jungkook has ever seen.
"Whoa," Jungkook's eyes widen, "you have a Mofii Keyboard?" He rushes forward, his excitement of your common interest being prominent in front of him taking over.
"Yeah," you giggle, "I changed the keys to light up ones I found online," Jungkook feels you walk behind him, leaning forward and turning the tower on, "and found a matching mouse."
He stills at the feeling of your chest against his back while you reach around him and put in your password on the computer. Your breath brushes against his ear, sending chills down his spine.
He turns his head, his lips dangerously close to your face. He wants to reach forward and pull your lips to his, to feel the body he's imagined forever finally against him, but Yoongi's words play in his mind over and over again.
The monitor switches to the home page once your password goes through, and a picture of you stretches across both monitors. It's an overview of your body, a short brown crop top with the bottom of your breasts peaking out and pink shorts donned on your body. This was a professional shoot, and Jungkook suddenly found it hard to breath.
"Ah, shit," you grab Jungkook's chair, spinning him around until you have browsers open on both monitors, "I'm sorry I forgot that that was-"
"What's it from?" he stays turned around, facing the edge of your bed while you move to sit in front of him, your face looking warm to the touch.
An embarrassed smile takes over your lips, "My friend suggested I do a boudoir session for my 21st birthday, saying it would help with my self confidence issues."
He was aware that you struggled in confidence, but he has no clue why. You're the sexiest woman he's ever seen. "Did it work?"
"I like seeing myself that way, I guess."
Jungkook smiles, "Oh?"
"Yeah," you wipe your hands across your thighs nervously. It goes quiet for a second, giving him time to want to ask about more pictures. He holds back, though. He still doesn't want to scare you.
"It's weird that you're here," a nervous giggle bubbles through your words, "I never thought I'd have you in my bedroom."
"Did you imagine me here, though?"
Your eyes go wide, "I didn't mean it like that-"
"I know," Jungkook nods, "I was just curious if you ever imagined me here."
He regrets his words only for a moment, because your face breaks out into a grin. "I wasn't lying when I said I found you attractive even before I knew it was you."
Jungkook likes that answer, just not as much as what he wanted.
"Let me rephrase," he leans forward, resting his elbow on his knee, "before I met you and we would talk about certain things late into the night, I imagined you laying on my bed beside me. Your voice wasn't just in my ear but all around me, and it's almost like I could feel you beside me."
This isn't too far, is it?
"Oh, Jungkookie," you laugh, falling backwards onto your bed, "I felt like you were the closest thing I would ever get to a partner sometimes. You were the only person who was there, listening to my rants and telling me your opinion without making me feel stupid if we happened to disagree."
As you continue to speak, Jungkook stands from the chair and sits on the edge of your bed, falling onto his back beside you.
"I moved to Seoul because I needed to get away from my home town and start new, and you were the only constant, the only thing that stuck by me the entire time and you didn't even know that you were everything that I needed."
Jungkook smiles, turning on his side and watching you. You're so close to him, he can smell your strawberry perfume.
"I'm glad I could be that constant for you," he begins, "you were the only person that heard about the real me as well. The only one who I told everything to."
You mirror his position, your voice going quiet, "I can't believe you're in front of me."
Jungkook inhales your scent again, closing his eyes and basking in the abundance of you.
"You're not scared of me, right?"
"Should I be?" your tone is light, teasing.
Jungkook shakes his head, "Definitely not, Yoongi just got it into my head that you might think that I sought you out."
"Did you?" your eyebrow raises and you back away just enough for Jungkook to feel like his heart is about to stop.
"N- no! It was entirely coincidental! I've been grocery shopping there for years, how was I supposed to know that you were gonna get a job there?"
You nod, "You're right. Coincident."
"I believe that we were meant to meet in some weird way." Jungkook says.
You smile, "Like fate?"
"Maybe," he shrugs, falling onto his back again. He doesn't expect your head to fall onto his chest, he knows you can feel the thudding of his heartbeat. "I don't know much about the concept of fate but I know that since I started talking to you, I can't imagine myself with anyone else."
"What about that girl? The one you say is the reason you haven't been laid?"
"_____," Jungkook laughs, "that was you."
You lift your head off his chest, "Me?"
"Yep," he sits up as well, "your sultry voice was enough to ruin every other person on the planet for me."
"You describe my voice as sultry?"
Jungkook leans his hand forward, his thumb stroking your cheek while his middle finger dances along your earlobe, "You drove me mad with every gasp and groan when we were playing games. It sounded like every noise you'd make when you-" he pauses, pressing his forehead to yours, "come."
You gasp, "I forgot we talked about that."
Jungkook pulls away, "I also can't say I wasn't curious about how you come after we talked about that."
You grin, standing up and walking towards your dresser, opening the second drawer down. He sees you pause as if you're second guessing yourself, but you quickly recover and pull out a velvet elongated bag. You toss it to Jungkook, folding your hands in front of you.
He raises an eyebrow to you, pulling open the drawstrings and sticking his hand into the bag. He feels something softened and plastic, pulling it out and lifting it to his line of sight. It's a hot pink vibrator.
He gnaws at his bottom lip, the silver ring resting at the base of his front teeth. "I didn't know you had a toy," he presses the power button, tossing it back to you, "show me how you use it."
You scramble to catch it, swallowing, "What do you mean?"
"I'm curious, how do you use it?"
Jungkook picks himself off of your bed and sits back down into the chair, gesturing for you to lay on your bed. Much to his surprise, you stare directly into his eyes and reach down to slip off your pants. He lays back in delight, because he finally has you where he wanted you for so long.
Just as he expected, your legs look soft, something he wants to sink his teeth into. You still adorn panties, green ones with a black bow resting across your waist. You fall onto your bed, spreading your legs.
Your face is burning and Jungkook licks his lips in anticipation while you lower the vibrator between your legs, "I like to tease myself," you gasp when the head comes in contact with your pussy, "because I get so much we-" another gasp and Jungkook's grip on the arms of the chair tightens "-wetter."
Jungkook resists the urge to walk forward and tear your panties off himself and dive in, but holds back because he wants to know what you do to yourself on a regular basis. His cock swells against his pants while he watches your other hand reach up and grip your breast over your shirt and bra.
"Did you ever think of me? Wish it was my breathing in your ear?" He can't help but ask the questions.
"Yes," you whine, a gasp catching in your throat, "all the time. I wanted you. Only you."
You turn onto your stomach and slide the egg between you and the sheet, sliding your panties to the same and rubbing against your pussy. Jungkook leans forward, unable to blink because he doesn't want to miss a second of this show.
Bending a knee to spread yourself open, you position the ball of the vibrator right where you need it, and he lets his eyes fall to your body. The black t-shirt you wear for your uniform hugs you perfectly, sliding up your back and leaving your sexy ass on perfect display right up to where the buzzing begins...
He groans, his cock straining against his jeans even more.
You turn your head to him, your body supported up on your elbows and he sees your hips start grinding into the bed, your pussy rubbing hard against the little vibrating ball at the end of your tow. He can barely breathe, mesmerized by the image in front of him.
After all this time, you're finally here.
Your stare is hard as if your imagination has taken hold and it's him you're fuckng instead of the toy.
"You fuck that little toy a lot?" his voice is husky while he speaks.
You nod slowly.
"I like watching you," Jungkook tilts his head to the side, "you do so well at getting yourself off."
"I can tell." your amused gaze fall to Jungkook's groin, noticing how hard he is.
You arch your neck back, running a hand up your thigh and over your ass, moaning and grunting faster as you start to ride your toy harder. Fuck. Jungkook palms himself through his jeans.
Your heated eyes fall on him again, luring him in, "I've played a lot in this bed, just never with someone else."
Jungkook wants to change that.
"Oh," your face twists in pleasure while you grind harder, digging into the bed and trying to rub your clit to orgasm. He leans forward, hypnotized.
"I'm so wet," you whimper, "I can feel it dripping down my pussy."
He squeezes his fist, biting his lip harshly.
"And I like that you're watching me," you moan, "I used to imagine you in the corner of my room, watching me fuck myself to completion over and over again."
He can't take it anymore. He stands up and cups your chin, leaning down and forcing you to look up to him.
"You're mine, baby," Jungkook finally brings himself to press a kiss to your lips. It's rough and sloppy and better than he ever imagined, "you're my little brat."
He reaches forward, sliding your panties down your thighs and ass. and lifting one foot at a time and getting them off. "There, isn't that so much more better?" he hears you moan, "you're so free now."
"I can feel you inside me already."
]That's it.
Jungkook reaches beneath you and slowly pulls the vibrator away from you, throwing it behind him. He pulls you up further, sticking your ass into the air and smacking it hard. You yelp but a moan follows, showing Jungkook just how much you like being rough.
"I don't have a condom," he unzips his pants, "I don't want to fuck you without a condom unless you're comfortable." He slowly takes his cock out and you turn around, eyeing his red tip. The thought of fucking you raw causes him to stroke himself.
"Look in my bag," you grin, "there's a surprise."
'Jungkook pulls back, running back out to your purse that you set on your kitchen counter when you two entered. In the process, he slips all of his clothes off and reaches into your bag. Inside is a box of large condoms, ribbed for her pleasure.
He grins, you managed to guess his size.
When he reenters your room, you're now laying on your back with your shirt and bra now off. Your legs are spread and your hands are folded behind your head. Jungkook sees your breasts jiggle as you move, your nipples perked and begging to be sucked on.
"I knew this would happen," you giggle, "I hope the condom fits, you look a lot bigger than I thought."
He heart swells, slightly prideful.
Ripping it open with his teeth, he falls to his knees in between your legs, handing you the condom. "Put it on me."
"I- I don't know how." you're embarrassed, but Jungkook wants you to learn.
"That's okay," he rests the back of his thighs on the back of calves, his cock standing out proudly. He's harder than he's ever been in his entire life, "pinch the tip, and roll it on."
You pull yourself up, and your hands slink around Jungkook's cock, allowing Jungkook to moan for the first time with your touch on him. You move slow, carefully pinching the tip of the condom and rolling it on. It's snug, lubed just enough, and you reach forward, sticking the tip of your tongue out and licking the head of his now covered cock.
Even though there's a thin barrier, Jungkook tosses his head back and groans.
"Blue raspberry flavored," you giggle, "it really tastes like that."
"Mm," he moans, watching your eyelashes flutter. He holds the back of your head, tapping his cock against your tongue, "we'll have to try those flavored lubes so you can suck my cock properly sometime. But I need to fuck you right now, if that's okay."
"I thought you'd never ask." you lean forward, bringing Jungkook's head down to yours and pressing a kiss just as rough as the first one against his lips.
He gently pushes you back, dropping his lips to your neck and lining himself up with your entrance. "Tell me when you're ready."
"I'm ready," you moan while his cock brushes against your clit, "fuck me now Jungkookie."
Jungkook eases in slowly, careful not to overwhelm you. He's always been modest about his size but since you've never been fucked before, he doesn't want to hurt you at all.
You gasp when he bottoms out, "there's so much pressure..."
Jungkook tries not to move while you adjust to him, "Does it hurt too much?"
"No," you shake your head, your eyes screwed shut, "it feels so good. You feel so good."
Gripping your hips, he begins to thrust in and out, pulling you into him to meet his thrusts. Your heat surrounds him and filters through his entire body. Your hair spills over the pillow, your tits beginning to bounce while Jungkook's thrusts begin to speed up.
He feels you move and slide forward into his cock, eager to meet him halfway every time he enters you. He slides a hand up to your neck, pulling forward to kiss you, your tongue teasing him as you pull away and comes back for more.
Jungkook begins to thrust harder, the headboard beginning to hit the wall.
"You have to go slow," you tilt your head back and close your eyes in pleasure. "My neighbors think I'm an innocent girl."
"Fuck that," Jungkook growls in your ear, "let them hear how good I make you feel."
These past 3 years have been agonizing. The fact that you were so close to Jungkook this whole time. That at any point he could have asked you out properly and been inside you so much sooner has made it more than difficult to contain himself now.
He pounds into you, the sound of skin hitting skin filling the room as he grunts and tenses every muscle in his body. He knows he's hitting you deep, because your moans are getting faster and higher.
His lips connect with yours again, a whimper leaving your throat while you tighten around him.
"Are you gonna come?" Jungkook asks, "come around me, baby. Fall into the pleasure."
An electric shock fills Jungkook's stomach while your orgasm takes over your senses, shooting down to his dick. He bites into your neck while you both come, your pussy squeezing around him like a vice grip around him.
While you both come down from your highs, Jungkook nibbles at the skin at your collarbones.
"Did you fake it?" he asks, still breathless while you both wince as he pulls out of you and collapses onto your chest.
"You've proven me wrong," you giggle, "I definitely didn't fake it."
Jungkook pulls himself up your bed, slipping off the condom and tying it off. You instantly move into his arms, your hand reaching up and stroking a gentle hand against his cheekbone.
"Please tell me this isn't a one time thing," you whisper, "I don't want this to be the end of us."
"Not at all," Jungkook reassures you, "it can't be the end. There's a new killer coming out in March, I have to kick your ass with her."
You roll your eyes, "We'll see about that," you laugh, "my rank is still higher than yours."
He shakes his head, "Not for long."
There isn't an end for you two. Meeting you, in Jungkook's heart, was bound to happen. Kissing you, fucki- making love to you... this was meant to happen. He fell for you over video games and he knew that he'd love the real life version of you too. So, no. This is not the end.
"So..." Jungkook begins, "you got more of that boudoir shoot hiding anywhere?"
"Hmm," you ponder tiredly, "I'll show you in the morning."
"Am I staying the night?"
"If you want to," you shrug, "I'd like it if you would."
Jungkook nods, "I'm not going anywhere, baby."
#bts#bts x reader#bts smut#bts x reader smut#jeon jungkook#jungkook x reader#jungkook x reader smut#jungkook x reader fluff#jungkook fluff#jungkook smut#jungkook scenarios
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Could you please remind me why redrawing old works is a bad idea? I'm conflicted about redoing some old designs.
It's a matter of the mindset. The creative process is ultimately iterative refinement. You start with a first draft, and then you keep polishing and changing and tweaking it until it looks good enough to release. As a natural consequence of practicing this process, you will become better at art over time as your process of refinement is itself refined. As an unhappy consequence, this means your older work will no longer measure up to your newly improved standards.
When this revelation hits, you have two choices:
Pick the project back up and refine it until it's up to your new standards ("actually good this time")
Accept that your old work is imperfect because all art is imperfect and move on to new progress.
Option 1 is very tempting. It can be galling to recognize flaws in your art after it's been released, and can make you feel deficient as an artist for releasing something you now recognize as subpar.
But ultimately? At that point, that's not your call to make. The work is already out there. It's already impacted people, already benefited its audience - you don't get to decide "actually this was worthless" once you can spot flaws in it, because flaws don't always diminish the impact of a work. Once the art exists, it's already shown its worth. Recognizing imperfection in your work is inevitable, but depriving your whole audience of your art because it no longer measures up to your personal standards of quality means nobody benefits. The impulse to fix old work and the impulse to bury and hide old work are two sides of the same coin - an ego that cannot stand to be associated with the creation of something deficient or flawed. How many times has George Lucas re-edited the original Star Wars trilogy to splice in more CGI monsters and wobble Han's head around? Has anyone ever felt that those changes improved the viewing experience? Succumbing to that impulse ultimately means depriving your own audience of the vast majority of your work that they might enjoy. Your standards are not their standards, and sometimes you need to trust your audience when they say they like something, even if all you can see is everything wrong with it.
The big hazard of this mindset is also a slippery slope. Iterative refinement never stops. There's always more room for improvement, and as long as you're creating you're going to get better at creating. Your old art will never measure up to your current standards, and if that's something you can't handle or step back from, you'll spend your entire artistic career constantly revisiting the same works over and over again, trying to get them to a level your current standards will allow you to be proud of. The end result is you'll create very little. Also, when you retread old ground, you frequently lose creative momentum - it's tempting to wallow in the past or feelings of creative inadequacy, or to notice structural problems that make you question the validity of the whole project from the ground up. Once you no longer believe in what you're creating, it'll be very difficult to keep it going.
There was a webcomic I no longer remember the name of that I followed for years and years - a standard-issue urban fantasy slice of life starring a big pile of OCs that started off as a gag-a-day thing with a very standard pseudo-anime style and eventually grew into a dimension-hopping saga with about a million subplots. There was magic, villainy, jokes about hammerspace, angsty demon curses, all that good stuff. And eventually I saw the creator write themselves into a corner, decide to reboot the entire series, start a new and improved run of the comic with their shiny polished art style - and stop before the new chapter 1 finished. To my knowledge the comic is still in limbo and very unlikely to ever return.
On the flipside there was the webcomic Archipelago that, when I started reading it, had already been running for a hot minute. The artist had actually already redrawn the first chapter, leading to a somewhat jarring dip in art quality afterwards - and I observed that the later chapters were significantly better-drawn than that redrawn first chapter, indicating that the artist had redrawn it some time ago and hadn't revisited it since.
I followed the story as it updated and watched as the art and shading style evolved. To my surprise, it actually finished, and I quite enjoyed the resolution. And I sometimes thought about what it would've looked like if the artist had succumbed to that redrawing temptation again. Their art had gotten so good by the end that to bring the rest of the story up to that level of quality would've taken years.
Would it have been worth it? I had just as much fun with the jagged black-and-white animesque early art as I did the fully shaded and highly polished finale. This was a story being crafted by someone who loved the story more than they needed it to be absolutely perfect. Just from the preview images you can see how the art style evolved over time.
It was a good story and I liked that it existed, and if the artist had gotten stuck in an ego-loop over making it look perfect I might not have gotten to see it through to the end.
There are also webcomics where redrawing or "fixing" the early installments might remove things I thought were really fun about them. The ludicrously long-running webcomic Girl Genius has what could be considered a coloring error throughout the entire second and third volume - it was the first part of the comic to be digitally colored, as the first volume is kept grayscale for in-story stylistic reasons - and, like many artists when first exposed to the glories of digital art, the Foglios went pretty ham on the saturation and gradients.
It's, as the kids say, A Lot Going On. But it gives this early volume an extremely distinctive aesthetic compared to later volumes, which are more sedate and balanced in shade, even in very colorful panels.
This means the first volume is black and white, the second and third volumes are incredibly intense, and everything after that feels much more grounded and balanced. As a happy coincidence, this follows the emotional arc of the protagonist, who spends the first volume subdued and miserable, the second and third flung headlong into a world she's fully unprepared for, and everything after that figuring out how to handle herself in the real world. If this were "fixed" it'd remove a lot of the aesthetic impact of that supersaturated arc, and I have very fond memories of appreciating the stylistic wildness the first time I read it.
On my end, I rewrote and rescripted the first chapter of Aurora probably half a dozen times in the years leading up to its initial release. I wanted it to be perfect. I had drafts from my "glowy rune tattoos are the hypest shit ever and I want to put them on everything even slightly magical" phase. I had my "just found the texturing brushes in Photoshop" phase. I had a version that started with flashback chapters showing key moments from the pasts of every primary character. I was running in place and making no forward progress on anything, and the more I reworked the beginning, the less confident I was in ever showing it to anyone. I only started going anywhere when I said "fuck it, this one's for REAL" and bunkered down to draw a real, proper beginning and the two chapters that'd go after it. The first chapter I released isn't perfect, obviously - it was never going to be. Sure, there could've been a version where my lineart was smoother, with fewer coloring errors and more consistent styling - but frankly if I was redoing the first chapter now I couldn't limit myself to correcting coloring errors. I'd find more things to "fix", more structural goofs and jagged bits of writing to smooth out, and in the end I'd create something paced and laid out completely differently - another first draft to add to the pile. And once I indulge that impulse I'll need to get a glass of milk to go with that cookie, then a straw, then a napkin, and by the time I'm done the storyline is in pieces and I've made no progress.
If you're not susceptible to this kind of slippery slope mindset, there is absolutely nothing wrong with playing with old art concepts and redrawing old work. But I know how I work, and I know I can either continue making forward progress or I can go back and polish my old stuff until it gleams, which will be appreciated by a tiny fraction of all of my audiences and will absolutely guarantee that I can produce no new content in the interim. I'm willing to be 80% satisfied with chapter 1 if it means I can actually do the story.
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How NOT to write romance - How I Met Your Mother edition
Warning: long-ass post and lots of bitterness over a TV show that ended nearly eight years ago.
Basics for story-telling
If the romance you want to write is dysfunctional, fucking embrace it and have fun with the concept instead of pretending the bad shit the characters do is okay because “it’s true love”
Acknowledgde that your main character has flaws instead of acting like he is a saint who can do no wrong for no reason other than “he is the main character. Definitively don’t make him do, of his own free will, the exact exact same things the supposedly “selfish and cruel” womanizer does and then excuse it as him having “succumbed to/been tricked by a bad influece” like he’s child who doesn’t know any better instead of being a grown ass adult.
Don’t make your characters be annoying, entitled fuckers who think they have the right to judge others for wanting different things out of a relationship/not wanting a relationship at all. Don’t act like monogamy, double dates with other couples, marriage and children are something EVERYONE secretly wants deep down.
Don’t demonize the “evil” character of the group and act like the “heroes” being appalled by the shit he does is anything other than hypocricy. There’s literally nothing forcing them to be friends with him, so they’re obviously not as horrified at bad shit he does as they say they are, otherwise they would have ditched him a long time ago.
Don’t have the “heartless womanizer”, who we later find out is the ex-husband of the girl the lead wanted for himself, be shown to us exclusively through the eyes of the an unreliable narrator who had motivation to make him see worse than he is likely to be (get his kids to want him to get the girl instead of the “douchebag”). Also, don’t make his schemes to trick women into sleeping with them so completely absurd and ridiculous that the audience is pretty sure that 70% of the women he banged were completely aware he just wanted a quick fuck and went along with it anyway because they wanted some dick (and because the character is played by Neil Patric Harris, who is incapable of not being charismatic)
Fucking let you characters (especially the supposed hero we’re supposed to think is the best boyfriend ever) grow instead of making them constantly repeat the same mistakes
Lily and Marshall
Don’t make one of the characters hide something very important from their partner, and then have the audacity to be mad at them for “just not understanding” as if they were given any reason to understand what the problem even is
Don’t act like someone being heartbroken that their partner lied to them and practically made a plan to “escape” being married to them means they’re not being “supportive” of said partners dream - you should especially not do that after we were shown that they took a job they didn’t like just to make sure they’d have a secure future that would allow said partner to follow their dream.
Don’t have the character who was obviously in the wrong need to be convinced to get their shit together and apologize to their ex.
If a character forgave the ex who wronged them and even got back together with them, don’t have them constantly hold their past mistakes over their head like it that problem has not already been solved - you especially not make them do that on what was supposed to be their wedding day. They can either forgive their partner or not, they can’t keep going back and forth.
Don’t have them constantly hide important shit from each other (having a huge financial debt, getting a job, etc)
DO NOT have the character who fucked up years prior suddenly be willing to do the same shit again for the EXACT same reason (”I think our relationship is in the way of my dreams and I’m now completely isolated because I refuse to talk things out with you”) and then expect the audience to sympathize with them.
Ted and Robin
Unless you’re writing a Disney/Disney-esque romance, don’t have your lead just look at someone across the room, decide they’re “The one”, imagine their life together and full on say “I’m love with you” AND “I love you” on the first goddamn date.
Don’t have the lead stalk his love interest, and throw three parties in a row just to have an excuse to get close to her now that she made it clear she is not interested in having a relationship with him.
Don’t have the “hero” lie about having broken up with his girlfriend so the girl he wants to be with will sleep with him, and then have him blame his actions on time. “Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.” Grow a pair of balls, Ted!
If one of the characters says “You’re going too fast on the whole ‘love’ thing. Can’t we just go on a few dates and see what happens instead of already starting to plan our lives together?” and the others throws a fit, that is called “being incompatible” and “damn, this dude doesn’t respect boundaries”, not “Wow, she’s so afraid of commitment”
If you want the audience to believe the main character’s feelings are not one-sided, don’t make the fact that said feelings ARE unrequited a running joke, and don’t have the girl only accept giving him a chance after having to deal with the fucker whining “But I love you” for months and/or after going through bad break ups. Also, if you have to retcon half the fucking show to “proove” that “she DOES love him”, that pairing fucking sucks.
Don’t compare the couple you want the audience to root for to the main character’s divorced, dysfunctional parents, and don’t have flashbacks showing that the lead had no clue what his girlfriend actually liked in bed AND that she literally covered up his face so she could pretend she was fucking someone else.
DON’T MAKE HER GET RID OF HER DOGS, YOU FUCKING MONSTER!
If your lead character is still jealous/possessive of his ex, thinks he still has a chance even after she told him to his face that she didn’t love him, and acts like she and her fiance (who he says is his friend) being happy is somehow them being selfish and cruel, your lead character is a loser AND an asshole.
Don’t throw away the entire premise of the show (Ted finding the REAL love of his life) just to force a bad pairing down the audience’s throat
Ted Mosby in general
Don’t have your “romantic, sensitive hero” break up with a girl on her birthday through an answering machine, come back into her life without warning years later because he’s afraid he’ll die alone, and find out that she never heard the message but was actually told about it by her friends and family who were at her apartment preparing a surprise party for her. You should especially not make his first reaction to this new be being mad that he was not invited to the party, and for the love of God, don’t make him break up with her on her birthday AGAIN.
Don’t have the “hero” cheat on his girlfriend and excuse it with bullshit like “Nothing good happens 2 a.m.” and “But I genuinely love Robin so it’s okay that I’m lying to both of them”. Do not, I repeat, do NOT have him blame it on his girlfriend being distant when she didn’t pick up the phone one night and then called back the second she was free to do so, while he was enjoying the gifts she sent him and LIED to her about having sent her some as well.
Don’t fucking make an entire episode with the premise of him turning a no into a yes - and telling that story to his children like it’s romantic.
Don’t have his fiance, who he knows has a rocky relationship with the father of her daughter, tell him she is uncomfortable with him inviting his ex to their wedding and then have him decide “This means I should invite her ex as well”. Also don’t expect me to feel bad for him when she runs off with said ex.
Don’t have him spend YEARS waiting for one of the hundreds of girls he thinks is “the one” to be single and even ask her neighbour to spy on her and let him know when/if she breaks up with her boyfriend - again, for YEARS.
Don’t have the lead say he’s gonna tell their kids about his love story with their DECEASED mother, only for it to secretly be an excuse for him to go “By the way, I’m still in love with aunt Robin despite her having rejected me for 25 years, can I go screw her?”
Don’t act like making the characters reverse back into who they were at the beginning at the story means they’re gonna make things work this time when the whole point of their break up in the beginning on the story was the fact that they’re just not right for each other.
Robin and Kevin
A therapist who was supposed to help their patient move on after a bad break up that messed them up, dating said patient is a major red flag. It is also a bad sign that, when she cheats on him and wants to break up, he realized what she was doing to used his job as “evidence” that he knew better and that she should NOT tell her partner how she felt/what she actually wanted.
Do NOT have said therapist date yet ANOTHER patient that asked him help to move on from a bad break up. Seriously, Kevin was a creep, stop acting like he was some angel who “deserved better than Robin.”
BONUS: How NOT to break up a couple - Barney and Robin edition
Don’t act like their relationship falling appart after their friends kept meddling, and even kept them locked in a room against their will until they labeled their relationship as something they aproved of, is somehow “proof” that they’re not good for each other.
Don’t retcon their relationship to force a break up (seriously, Barney was super supportive of Robin long before he even fell in love with her, but I’m supposed to believe he’d be a bad boyfriend who is never there for her? And he loved advantures and always said “challenge accepted”, but was suddenly miserable travelling the world with her and couldn’t deal with not having wi-fi at the hotel? Fuck off)
Don’t spend an entire season focusing on their wedding, have them get married and then divorce THE NEXT FUCKING EPISODE! Why do you hate your audience? Even people who don’t want them together can see this a terrible idea.
And most important of all, when people question what the fuck were you thinking, don’t have a meltdown on twitter and say that people who think Barney can change are responsible for Donald Trump being elected, you fucking weirdo, go see a therapist (that isn’t like Kevin)
#how i met your mother#himym finale#swarkles#anti ted and robin#fuck ted mosby#worst finale ever#barney stinson#barney deserved better#robin deserved better#they deserved better#i deserved better
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cw: injuries, yandere tohma, gn! reader
"so...how long do I have to play along with this little game of yours?"
the question spills out of his mouth without warning, yet each word is methodical, careful, like he's practiced it a thousand times before. the teapot clutched in your hands nearly slips out and shatters over the table you've laid out for the two of you, but the warmth of the porcelain fortunately keeps you steady enough until you can set it down in the space between you two. Tohma was kind enough to bring you a gift after spending awhile away, tending to his duties--so it's only natural that you would take him out for some tea in exchange. it's courtesy. it's expected.
but his question certainly is not.
"I...I have no idea what you're talking about, Tohma."
"really?"
he's sat cross-legged for some time now, waiting as you ordered the tea and offering you some idle chit-chat befitting a pair that haven't seen the other in a while. Tohma has always been your friend even when you were young, but as is custom in a place like Inazuma, your relationship has evolved throughout the years. there are things you can't say anymore, things that would ruin your life if you were caught doing them...and now, you fear, the glint in Tohma's eyes may be an omen that he's about to commit one of those unholy acts.
"come on now, sweetheart, everybody can see the truth for what it is. there's no need to hide it any longer."
he's purposely tiptoeing around the question, waiting for the pieces to click in your mind. he need not say anything at all, however--the way he looks at you in this moment, and the purpose with which he stands from his place at the tea table is enough to set your jaw tight and your eyes to darken.
"you know that I was always meant to be your husband. to be there for you through thick and thin, to care for you when we're both old and gray-"
he takes a few quick steps around it to get to you, to kneel at your side and reach out his hands to pull yours into them, and it's all you can do not to flinch away and risk the image of impropriety. but you've endured this lecture before, and the only thing screaming inside your head is for you to resist--just resist, don't listen to a word he says, and bite your tongue of any insult until he finally gives up and gets the hint.
"Tohma, stop."
"-to treasure you like no one else will. I understand your point of view, I really do--we're still young, and the world outside of Inazuma seems so big and grand...but you have to realize that the time to settle down is coming for us."
he rubs his thumb over your hand and smiles in your direction, but you can't meet his eyes. and then it's slipping out of your grasp and raising up to your face, and you feel yourself stiffen all over as Tohma gently cups your cheek, his gaze lowering towards your mouth as if he has an idea of what he wants to do. but that would be grounds for you to shriek for a guard, and you're entirely certain that that's the only reason he bites his lip to stave off the desire.
"you were always meant to be mine. you believe in fate, and you've always put your trust in me...so why not let me help you?"
that last part comes as a whisper, the tearoom private but the walls still thin. one of the many secrets you've entrusted to Tohma over the years is your disagreement with Inazuma's strict laws, as well as the etiquette that comes with being a member of the higher class. you've always despised being noble, and Tohma has always understood you, at least you thought so....but ever since he's gotten this ludicrous idea in his head, you've known even less peace than usual.
"I've said it a dozen times, Tohma, and I won't say it again. I'm not marrying you."
you do your best to spit the words out with as much venom as you can muster, yet you still feel the twinge of anxiety at snapping at him so informally. it could spell the end for you quite easily, but when your eyes are drawn back to Tohma's expression, all you can see is bliss written all over his face.
"...even laced with contempt, my name sounds so sweet on your lips. you've so much wit, so much grace, and your beauty leaves me breathless...I know how little you think of me, but-"
fury shoots through every vein of your body, and you know it's the wrong move when you slap his hand away from your face, the smack like a thunderclap in the small space of the little tearoom.
"enough, Tohma! enough. do yourself a favour and stop speaking to me--in fact, I dearly hope you never say a word to me again."
each finger on his hand twitches, only to close in a tight fist and sink back down to his lap. you try to avoid his gaze in this moment, but even turning your head away you can still feel his eyes staring right into your soul.
"you know I can't make that promise. you know that I love you."
that word makes you stiffen, your grip lock on your noble dressings, your blood turn to ice in your veins. you've avoided that for so long but it follows you like a demon, and it's eyes glow a verdant green as Tohma's words melt into your skin and eat you alive from the inside out.
"this feeling of yours....it's not mutual, Tohma. just leave it, and leave me."
you say so, but you're the one that stands from the tea table in the end, and Tohma jumps to get to his feet to follow you. he trails on your heels as you step with purpose towards the door and slide it open, the cool chill of Inazuma city in the night prickling your exposed skin. the blond hurries to get in front of you, and the moment you spot a few other citizens on the path this late at night, you tilt your head down and pray to the gods that Tohma won't force you into impropriety.
"...I see. you won't budge on this, then...I will have to accept that. but may I at least escort you home? I can't in good faith allow you to wander alone in the dark. I still care for you."
he looks down on you with a softness to his features, and you hate how easily you buckle under any sort of pressure from him. you prided yourself on not giving in before, but when you're not alone it's not nearly as easy--you have to piece your words so carefully together, and by the time you think of an excuse it will already be too late for you to reject his offer. so with as subtle of a huff as you can manage, you speak softly under your breath that you suppose that's fine, and grit your teeth as you thank him for the offer. and Tohma is all too relieved to stand beside you as you walk down the hill and leave the prying ears of the city, the silence near unbearable between you as you meander through the path cut down the middle of the farmer's fields.
"seems there's no one around. not a surprise for this time of the night."
it's not a terribly long walk back to your family's estate, but Tohma still evidently feels the need to speak up as you reach the end of the gently sloping hill. Konda village lies within sight in the distance, and you feel the tension weigh heavy on your heart as you count the steps closer and closer to safety. relative safety that is.
you're so focused on paying him as little attention as possible that you don't even take notice to his hand drawing closer to yours and his eyes wandering up and down your figure, practically salivating as the flames in his chest burn hotter and hotter, until the moment he can't take any more and he grabs you by the shoulders to stop you and force you to look him straight in the eyes.
"now, you're going to listen very closely. I'm going to give you a little gift, because I love you so very much. you get a minute's head start."
the shock catches you off guard to the point that you bite your own tongue, fear and panic shooting through you like icicles that make you freeze in place. Tohma's expression is so intense he nearly appears feral, pearly teeth glimmering in the light from the moon as he grins down at you like a predator examining their prey.
"here's the deal, sweetheart--if you can run all the way past Konda village, you win. but if I catch you, I win, and you must uphold your promise and marry me in a month's time. and if you win, you'll get your wish--I'll never speak a word to you again."
terror grips you even harder than Tohma is, and at his proposal you whip your head towards the village in the distance and then back to him. if he's seriously not making some kind of sick joke, then there's absolutely no way you would ever make it. you're not a fighter, you don't even know how to hold a sword much less have a vision, and you've seen the kinds of things Tohma is capable of....he'll catch you before you make it anywhere close.
"Tohma-"
his gaze lingers on you for a moment, before he turns you in the direction of the village and pushes you forward, only hard enough for you to stumble a bit. you want to question him, to try and talk him down from such an insane idea, but once you hear him start counting down aloud your feet move on their own and you take off in a pitiful run down towards your target. the night air whips by your face as you try to sprint as best you can, yet your robes that give away your nobility get caught on your sandals and trip you up enough that it makes your heart jump into your throat. your heart pounds in a cage that feels too tight, the air heavy and raw in your lungs the longer you fumble your way forwards in the night. even your tears feel cold as they stream down your face, and if speaking wouldn't expend your precious energy then you would surely be wailing for Tohma to stop, please, he's scaring you. especially once you hear his footsteps take off, and it feels as though his warm breath is right on the back of your neck.
but even so, you look up within moments to find yourself in the middle of the quiet little village, the lanterns dim and only the glow of the moon casting light on the humble little buildings. the panic ceases but resurges just as quickly when you remember that you're not safe yet, that the entrance to the village is still a few hundred metres away--and you can hear Tohma panting now, at a distance close enough that he'll make a grab for you long before you'll ever get there. but there's something you know that he probably doesn't remember, and it might just be your saving grace as you duck into the shadows and skirt around the mayor's house just as he skids into the path of the village. you fear in the pit of your stomach that getting the top off the well that you used to play near as children would make a great deal of noise, but you hurry forward and find it open--and just as you swing a leg over to climb inside and pray that Tohma doesn't think to look for you here, your foot slips on the stone that's still damp from the rain and your world is overturned as you fall through the air. it's not far enough that you can scream or grab for purchase on something, but when you land you hear the sickening crack of something breaking and pain that shoots through your leg so quick that it almost makes you black out.
but something worse is yet to come, and it's Tohma's voice calling out your name, before you look up to the sky and your heart just sinks as you watch his face pop into view over the side of the well.
"oh, archons--baby, are you all right?! did you hurt yourself?"
he hops over the edge quite easily and falls steady on his feat, not even having broken a sweat from chasing you as he hurries to your side and props you up in the crook of his arm. and despite still feeling that twinge of discomfort and panic from him touching you, the agony sets in so deeply that you cling to him without realizing as tears pour down your face and you struggle to breathe.
"let me see...yeah, that's definitely broken. c'mere, I'll help you up.."
just brushing the pads of his fingers over the rapidly-swelling skin of your calf makes you flinch and cry out with pain, and it's obvious by the deep bruising how bad you've hurt it--you wouldn't be able to climb out of here if you tried. but Tohma finds so little trouble in heaving you up into his arms that it's laughable....it would be funny how sincerely you thought you could get away in the first place, if you weren't experiencing the consequences now. and only now is it starting to sink in that you lost, even though he isn't rubbing it in your face. yet.
"poor thing--that was scary, wasn't it? aren't you glad I was here?"
despite how despairing you look, he rubs his cheek against yours as he holds you tight. you realize now how much he's always wanted to do this, and how he's dragging this all out while he has the chance to do it without anyone watching....it's such a rare opportunity, but you don't feel nearly as lucky as he does.
"I'll always be here, sweetie....in sickness and in health, right?"
he murmurs into the shell of your ear, before pressing a kiss to it right afterwards as he reaches out to get a foothold so he can lift you out of here. all you can think about now is how your chance of escaping him has slipped away....and now, your status is a death sentence in the hands of the man who saved your life, and will ask for nothing in return but your gentle hand in marriage. how romantic.
#tohma#tohma x reader#tohma genshin impact#thoma x reader#thoma genshin#genshin impact#yandere tohma#yandere thoma#yandere genshin impact#yandere genshin x reader
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here comes the bride, all dressed in pride
summary; You and your cousin Doyeon have had beef with each other since the sandbox. When she plucks the last straw, you decide to end your long-simmering fight by claiming that you and her ex—Jeon Jungkook, are now boyfriend and girlfriend
pairing; jungkook x reader (f)
genre/warnings; fake dating!au, fluff, crack, mentions of cheating, lang, alcohol, mc eats meat, tw sexual harassment, toxic family, dick talk, making out, if u have that one family member that pulls bs on you constantly this is it, this fic is for all the people who have a huge ass family who wont leave them alone
w.c; 17.3k
a/n: my second fic for gcn’s 23 birthday project! the fact that wedding szn zoomed by us like that... and so bc im sad that so many weddings had to be postponed this fic was born! a huge thank u to vivi @eerieedits / @chillingtae for creating this BEAUTIFUL fic banner and separator pls check vivi out to make your fics all purty
prompts used: “You’ve always been beautiful to me, don’t you know that?” and “I never knew love could be like this, feel like this.”
if you enjoyed this pls consider giving a like and a share💕💕
Doyeon likes to call Jungkook, “the one who got away.”
You like to call Doyeon, “the one who drove him away.”
In secret, of course. In fact, the only person who knows how much you loathe Doyeon and her behavior is your father. And all your co-workers. And your boss. And your boss’ ex-husband.
And Jeon Jungkook, but of course you haven’t seen the man in two years and back then he was far too polite to address his concerns of your hatred of his then-girlfriend.
Okay, so everyone and their mother knows how much you don’t like your cousin. Kim Doyeon and you have had beef since the sandbox, and for whatever reason is always out to one-up you. A strange competitive nature in everything, academics, family, and even boys. The sick, twisted part of you has come to enjoy it. While you’re not a fighter as devout as Doyeon is, you have your own callous tendencies farmed from the seeds Doyeon has planted in your brain. She gives you a comment? You can’t help but throw one back. Since you’re a painfully mature soul you don’t have any mortal enemies as far as you know, Doyeon is the perfect amount of hot water to keep you on your toes.
“I’m really sorry that you couldn’t be a bridesmaid,” Doyeon cooes next to you, swirling her champagne glass with a too-jutted pout, “but if I did there’d be an odd number of pairings and you’re a little too old to be walking as a bridesmaid, am I right?”
Your nails. Are digging. Through your dress. Alas, you’re in public and you have class. Doyeon smiles at you with all teeth, reminding you of the Beldam from Coraline. Aside from that she looks absolutely stunning in that Lirika Matoshi strawberry dress that has her Instagram aching with likes and love from her baseless followers.
“I don’t know,” you reply lightly, leaning back in your seat, “I mean, if Yoojung and Rena can be bridesmaids and they’re three years older than me, wouldn’t I make the cut? It’s okay to be honest and say you just didn’t want me in the bridal party.”
Doyeon laughs, slaps your thigh like you told her the most hilarious joke in the world. Anyone passing by would think you’re best friends. You laugh too, incredulous at the amount of power she thinks she holds.
“Nice party,” you tack on, surveying the room. It’s filled with pastels and beiges, bright and airy. It’s Parisian themed, and while you’re not a fan of theming cultures, you can’t deny that you’re loving the infinite supply of macarons.
“Oh, yes. This is just a taste of the real wedding,” she laces her fingers together, as if she thinks she’s living an Elizibethean love story, “speaking of, you put on your RSVP that you’re bringing a plus one. Am I allowed to know who’s the unlucky date?”
“As if you care.”
“I care if you’re bringing Jimin. That tiny thing nearly gave Aunt Lillian a heart attack when he gave a striptease at Yoongi’s graduation party.”
You smirk softly at the bold memory. That was the plan.
Doyeon sighs dramatically, crossing her legs and popping out a cherry red heel. She plays with the back on the balls of her feet, letting the little pearly rhinestones glisten in the candlelight, “I should really commend you, cousin,” she drawls, “I mean, how kind of you to be so charitable and give your dopey friends a chance to have fun. After all, I’m sure it is difficult for someone like you to find a date.”
It’s no surprise as to how you end up with a date at any family formal gathering. You say you bring a plus one, and then between Jimin, Taehyung and Hoseok. The three of them draw straws as to who gets to gorge on free alcohol and food for that night.
“Difficult?” you arch a brow, “I get plenty of dates.”
Doyeon giggles. She must be feeling extra vindictive today, high on her impending marriage and the taste of bubbly champagne. “By taking turns with those three? You gotta be kidding me,” she snorts, tipping back her crystal, “please y/n. Don’t get so defensive because I’m getting married first. Your time will come. That is, if you stop dicking around with your friends.”
Normally you’d smother any attempt at Doyeon to call out your friends, but now she’s just done that and insulted your ability to get some, and you are livid.
“Actually,” you quip sharply, “I’ve been dating someone. It’s been a couple months, actually.”
“Oh?” Doyeon’s genuinely interested, face falling slightly, “you’ve never mentioned anyone, I don’t see anyone on your social media.”
“Yeah well,” you feign sympathy, pressing your lips together and tilting your head accordingly, “I’ve had to keep it private for a couple of reasons.”
“What, is he ugly or something?” she chuckles, “but really, who’s the person who has the misfortune of being in a committed relationship with you?”
Maybe it’s because Doyeon’s right, the both of you are too old. The two of you have been running around each other for years, with no end in sight. Maybe, the words that linger on the tip of your tongue will be the final nail in the coffin.
“Jeon Jungkook,” you state proudly, clear as day. “Jungkook and I have been dating for three months.”
And you pick up the vanilla macaron that sits innocently on your plate, ravishing it up like it contained all the tension in your table. Between you and Doyeon’s bubble, you could hear a pin drop.
“Jungkook?” her smile is concrete-solid, “my Jungkook?”
“My Jungkook,” you correct, giving her a puppy-eyed look, “I’m really sorry I never told you. I mean, is there ever a right time to tell your cousin they’re dating their ex-boyfriend?” you laugh, either to lighten the mood or because you love the way Doyeon pinches her face, you don’t know.
“How did you two even meet?”
“We reconnected through Seokjin. You know how the two of them play Starcraft together, I just ended up joining the call and he was so funny and nice. We just sorta… felt it.” Doyeon nods like a slow bobblehead, still comprehending in her pea-sized brain, “I just hope it isn’t too awkward. I know it’s been awhile but, if you really don’t want Jungkook to come I can always take Hoseok or something.”
“No, it’s fine,” Doyeon says a little too quickly, masking on her picture-perfect smile. “I’m with Namjoon now, and I’m totally happy. Water under the bridge, it’ll be totally fine.”
“Really?” your eyes practically sparkle, thankful for the amount of glitter and highlighter you’ve dumped on your face today, “I really appreciate it, Yeonie.”
And she quickly downs her champagne glass, and gets up from her seat. It’s haunting, the way she gets up, pink tulle billowing around her ankles. “I have to attend to the other guests,” she says.
“Of course,” you raise your glass.
“But, be careful,” she gives you a little smile, one filled with a last-ditch attempt at a jab, “Jungkook, he’s a little hard to deal with.”
“Oh don’t worry. I know how to deal with Jungkook’s hardness,” you wink, and Doyeon’s face falls like a ton of bricks.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know,” you shrug loftily, “that’s what I meant, though.”
And you don’t bother watching Doyeon stomp off the metaphorical stage, double fisting two new glasses of champagne from an awaiting butler as she finds some other poor guest to pick on. Now, the matter of securing your date. Conveniently so, the most important man in the room is walking your way, and you manage to snag his tie just as he passes your table.
“Ow—ow! I’m choking!” Seokjin grabs, nearly throwing his tall body onto your lap, hands grappling to release the tension on his neck. “Leave me alone, woman! I just wanted to get some chicken tenders!”
“Jin,” you say sweetly, opening his blazer to retrieve his phone, “I need Jeon’s number, now.”
“Jungkook?” your favorite cousin pales, eyes widening as you take out your phone of your own, copying down the digits, “what did you do?”
“Don’t ask questions.”
Seokjin says your name again, firmer. “You’re playing with fire.”
“It’ll be fine, it’s the last time,” you quell, already knowing how much Seokjin hates being in the middle of your fights. Once you’ve secured the phone number, you place Seokjin’s phone back into his pocket, patting his breast. “Thank you. You know you’re my favorite cousin, you know that?”
He grumbles a “damn right I am” before stomping away, resuming his race for his chicken tenders.
You: hey jeon it’s y/n. I see you’re doing great, i saw on instagram that you released your first app w/yoongi! Totally amazing, been playing for weeks, really upset that i can’t get past the flaming frog boss :((
You: Feel free to ignore this, i won’t blame you if you do. Im at doyeon’s rehearsal dinner, and she basically snubbed my friends and said i couldn’t get some prime dick even though im?? Me??? Anyway, im tired of her shit so im gonna throw it back at her, one last time before she ties the knot. I told her you and i have been dating, and im bringing you as my date to her wedding. Really sorry, the demons took over my brain and made the worst and best comeback of my life. So… if you’re up for being the hottest couple on the floor in three weeks and showing how madly in love we are, please text me back? Or not. You might think this family is crazy and i accept partial responsibility.
You: I’ll buy u every meal for every practice date we have if u agree.💕💕💕
Jeon Jung-boo-thang: thanks, i appreciate that. To defeat the frog boss, go back to the coconut cave and find the garnet garter. It absorbs his fire and u can easily defeat froggo w any level 15 weapon
Jeon Jung-boo-thang: and as for the real reason u texted me. Im in. let’s get pork belly tomorrow.
Two years ago, you were surprised that Doyeon could manage to snag a man as fine as Jeon Jungkook. Also unsurprised, because Doyeon is gorgeous and could snag any man she wanted, and has snagged every man she wanted.
Jungkook was different though. He had an air of innocence to him. He loved her, a little too much to be safe. Your heart would betray you every time you would find him at a family gathering, making her plate and counting the calories she so meticulously measured. How can someone so sweet be with someone like Doyeon?
Your heart ached for Jungkook when they broke up a year later. From what you heard, Doyeon was Jungkook’s first serious girlfriend. And then you wanted to rip your heart out a week later when you caught Doyeon smooching with her favorite graduate professor Kim Namjoon, wanting to erase any possibility you’d have at love. At that time, you never wanted to feel the pain you imagined Jungkook was going through.
“Y/n! Over here!” you’re a little taken aback at how much has not changed in Jungkook. His eyes still sparkle like fresh dew, his smile is still pearly white and infectious. He’s even early, snagging a table at his favorite barbeque place and waiting for you as if he is the one organizing your first date.
At the same time, there’s so much that’s changed about him. He’s confident, even going so far as to walk over to you and slip your jacket and purse in his grasp like a gentleman. He leads you by putting a hand lightly at the small of your back, making you feel impossibly small in comparison to his Dorito-shaped body, broad shoulders and a deliciously trim waist.
“How was the walk over?”
“Not too bad,” the conversation is casual, easy. You wipe the sweat off your forehead with a napkin. “Could use a little exercise now and again. I did eat a whole tray of macarons at that rehearsal dinner.”
Jungkook laughs from his belly, causing you to smile. “Nonsense. You look great, by the way,” you don’t mind it, actually, you enjoy it when his eyes rake over your body. After all, he’s now your boyfriend and he needs to get familiar with all the important bits. He leans his arms forward, bracing him against the wooden table so his face is closer to yours.
“You’re not doing too bad yourself,” your eyes gloss over the veins and intricate tattoos that paint his muscled upper half. Your smile morphs into a smirk, letting him know you’re enjoying the view just as well as he is.
And as soon as the tension sparks, it ends just as fast when your waiter comes up to light your grill.
“So,” Jungkook wastes no time in decorating your stove, making sure to add all the appropriate aromatics and infusions to season your lunch, “do you know why Doyeon and I broke up?”
“Cheated on you with Namjoon, I assume,” you keep your eyes trained on the darkening meat.
Jungkook slips a piece of meat in his mouth. Any expression of pain (whether it be from Doyeon or the barely cooked meat) doesn’t reveal itself as he stops to take a sip of water. “Who else knows?”
“Just me and Seokjin. The family loved you too much and Doyeon made up some sob story about how you two were going different life paths.”
He chuckles to himself, taking great care in flipping the meat. “I really was a fool in love, wasn’t I?”
“It… was mildly cute.”
“Tell me the truth, you have no reason not to.”
“Okay, you made me want to vomit rainbows and glitter every time I saw you.”
The two of you laugh, faces crinkling shamelessly as the two of you busy yourselves with setting up the table. Most of the food is done and the aroma of fresh onions wafts around your grill. As you place chopsticks on his side of the table, you think about all the times Jungkook made it abundantly clear how much he loved Doyeon: the love letters tucked into her purse, 100 day anniversaries, even just a simple Americano for her in the morning.
“Is that why you never hung out with us?”
“No,” you reply lightly, “Doyeon made it clear that I shouldn’t talk to you.”
Jungkook frowns, “You really don’t like each other, do you.”
You shrug, “Just always been like that,” you quirk a smile when Jungkook places the freshly cooked meat on top of your rice before serving himself.
“So what’s the plan?”
“We go to the wedding, make out a little, get Doyeon boiling. Even if she’s not interested in you, she’d still be upset knowing we are together.”
“And why is that?”
“Because it’s me,” you grin into your glass, staring at a water-stained Jungkook through the blue tinted glass. “And all you have to do, is enjoy your night and look pretty.”
His eyes crinkle, chopsticks pressing between his lips. “You think I look pretty?”
With a roll of eyes you don’t respond, preferring to dig your chopsticks in your rice. No need to inflate Jungkook’s ego too soon.
Pinning the main theme of your hangout to the side, the both of you dig into your meal. You throw conversation back and forth like pebbles, grains of sand that build and build until you’re caught up with each other’s lives. It feels so strange to admit it’s been two years since you’ve spoken to the man, and all of a sudden the once luscious meat feels dry in your mouth.
“Jeon,” you put your chopsticks down, “are you sure you want to do this with me? I mean, I know it’s all my fault and I dragged you into it. Don’t feel obligated to agree to this.”
“I’m a hundred-percent sure,” he doesn’t stop eating, shoving two spoonfuls of rice in his mouth. His cheeks puff up considerably, and your eyes trail down to his neck as he swallows, “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t wanna.”
“Right,” you don’t need a big explanation or a personal confession from Jungkook, just his consent. “Partners, Jeon?” you hold up your glass.
“Partners,” he agrees easily. The smile on his face disarms you, a full-fledged grin decked with pearly whites. Clicking his glass to yours he adds, “And it’s Jungkook, babe.”
Oh, this is going to be interesting.
Seokjin thinks the two of you are the most boring fake-couple.
His eyes dart back and forth between your spot on the couch and his desk, where Jungkook is currently seated. Seokjin is hovered over Jungkook, who’s typing and clicking furiously over his PC game. You’re on your phone, feet pulled up to the coffee table while some old Netflix movie plays in the background. To top it all off both of you didn’t even try to dress like it’s daytime, nearly matching in sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. It doesn’t look like a couple coming to visit Seokin, it looks like Jungkook is playing video games with Seokjin while his cousin hangs around like she owns the place.
“Shouldn’t you guys like, I don’t know, go on dates or something?” Seokjin feels like he’s talking to the air. “Maybe get to know each other before the big day?”
Pulling your phone down to your lap and Jungkook taking off his headphones, the two of you shrug at each other, “No, we’re good.” Jungkook says.
“We know enough,” you agree cooly, “Jungkook likes Valorant.”
“I do like Valorant.”
“He likes pork belly.”
“I do like pork belly.”
“He’s ripped as hell.”
“I am ripped as hell.”
“Okay but have you guys kissed yet?” Seokjin interjects, probably compensating for the nonchalance in the room with his own brand of freaking out. You two only see each other when you’re hanging out at Seokjin’s apartment, and while he’s happy that you two aren’t doing the whole 9-yards and creating an elaborate scheme, the both of you are almost too relaxed. His anxiety is spiking.
“Yes,” Jungkook answers, “at the barbeque place we went to.”
“It was nice," you tack on, "Jin, we got this. Don't worry."
"How can I not worry when you're trying to upset our cousin on her wedding day?" he's sweating in his fully air-conditioned apartment. “I get that she’s the devil’s spawn and everything, but she’s still a human being.”
“In second grade she pushed me on the treadmill because I was going too slow. I got caught on the roller and got a bald spot for two months.”
“Okay yes one bad example—”
“And in senior year she accused me of plagiarizing her essay just because we chose the same topic. I almost didn’t get into college!” Seokjin sighs, crossing his arms. All valid points, and arguing with you isn’t a route he wants to take. “Jin, the point is that she’s constantly pushing my buttons. I’ve always been the bigger person and now that I’m old and confident I just want one jab.”
“That’s valid,” Jungkook pipes up, pressing the spacebar a few times, “I want a jab too, she cheated on me.”
“See? It’s a mutual decision.”
Seokjin asks, “Why aren’t you more worried about this?”
"Because Doyeon isn't going to chew me out on her wedding day," you checked your aunt's seating chart last week and you are far, far away from the bridal table. "We're just going to show off a little bit. Get drunk, eat some bomb steak. Break up in three months or less.”
"You don't have to just convince Doyeon, it's your entire family! Not to mention you also have to go to the bachelor party!"
"Oh I almost forgot," you reach under the couch for your laptop, "Jungkook, in two weekends from now we're flying to Las Vegas for the bachelor party and wedding. I'll buy your ticket now."
"Thanks, babe!” Jungkook sends a cheeky grin to Seokjin, who is unimpressed. “See? I remember to call her babe.”
“Alright, get out of my house,” Seokjin tugs Jungkook away from his computer, causing the younger man to swivel around in his plush gaming chair.
Jungkook frowns at the monitor, “But I’m still bronze one. I’m aiming for silver one by this weekend.”
“Don’t care. As much as I don’t like this plan, I’m not letting you two slip-up.” Seokjin pulls out his phone, revealing Doyeon’s Instagram story, “Doyeon and Namjoon are at the mall buying swimsuits for Vegas. Go to the mall and ‘accidentally’ run into them.”
You sit up straight, tilting your head to the side. “That’s not a bad idea, actually,” you bound over to grab your jacket, giving Seokjin a big fat kiss on his cheek, “Thanks Jinnie, do you know you’re—”
“I’m your favorite cousin. Yeah whatever, bye.” He waves you off, plopping in his own chair so he can enjoy his games in peace.
“I’m driving,” Jungkook declares, swiping your keys from Seokjin’s opal dish.
“Oh, hell no,” you jump on your tippy toes to reach Jungkook’s grasp on your keys, but he’s so freakishly tall there’s no way you can reach. “I drive my car!”
“I’ve always wanted to drive your car back then,” Jungkook cooes, leaning in so your noses touch. “C’mon, you can trust me.”
“You two are gross already,” Seokjin admonishes from the other side of the room, “see, it’s working!”
Poking his cheek so he gives you some space, you whip your head to hide the flush that burns on your cheeks. “Fine, but if you crash you’re buying me a new one.”
“They’re over there,” you hiss between the racks, shuffling between the plastic hangers to point to Doyeon and Namjoon at the women’s section of the store. They look disgustingly adorable together, with Doyeon pointedly telling Namjoon which swimsuit suits his stature better while Namjoon nods along and goes with whatever she says. You crouch down lower, fearing Namjoon’s tall frame would catch you. “Now we just gotta act all couple-y and they’ll notice us. Or maybe we can walk over to them? What do you wanna do?”
“Do you think we should get matching swimsuits?” Jungkook pays no mind to your sleuthing, holding up a red pair of swim trunks to his thighs, “we could pretend to be sexy lifeguards.”
You tilt your head away from the pair, only because Jungkook has been genuinely interested in this store since you’ve arrived. Putting a hand under your chin, you scrutinize the dark red cutoff shorts. “They’re cute,” you nod appreciatively, “It’ll make your thighs look thick.”
Jungkook’s grip on his hanger lowers, and he regards you with dark eyes. “You think my thighs look thick?” he asks, leaning in and putting one hand on the curve of your waist. His fingers dance on the surface of bare skin between your top and jeans, and while you’ve agreed beforehand that you two could touch each other wherever in public, it still surprises you when gooseflesh rises to the surface.
“Easy there, tiger,” you chuckle, putting a hand on his chest to stop his sudden bout of flirting. “I’m just stating the facts, we get it. You lift.”
“You’re so cute when you try to put your guard up,” he’s brushing noses with you now, and you feel the plastic of the hanger crumple pathetically between you two as the gap closes further. “But you can’t hide from me.”
And just as his lips move to press against yours, a shrill “Jungkook!” echoes throughout the large store.
You nearly flop over the boardshorts rack if not for Jungkook’s arms secured around your waist. Oh right, you think dumbly, this is all for show. Doyeon and Namjoon are right in front of you, purchases already made and looking at you two in curiosity. Well, Namjoon is definitely curious, because you know for a fact that Doyeon speaks very little of you to him and you’ve only conversed with him a handful of times. Doyeon on the other hand, looks a little stiff in the grin.
“Hello to you too,” you remark to Doyeon, who’s barely acknowledged you. You reach over to squeeze Namjoon’s arm, “Hi Joonie,” you crinkle your eyes, and you fight back a squeal when he smiles back with dimples. Doyeon has such a cute fiancé, and if you’re keeping score he’s way too good for her.
Doyeon’s eyes glaze over to where you’ve touched Namjoon, and she links her arms with his. “What a coincidence, you two are buying swimsuits where we’re buying swimsuits.”
“Well, there’s only one mall in this town and we’re going on the same trip in two weeks,” you reply blandly, and you feel Jungkook pinch your side. “Oh, Namjoon. Have you met my boyfriend Jungkook?”
“Can’t say that I have,” Namjoon reaches over to clasp Jungkook’s hand, “nice to meet you, man.”
While Namjoon and Jungkook exchange small talk, you pointedly ignore the waves of negativity Doyeon sends your way in favor of observing the two large men. Namjoon just said it was nice to meet him, therefore he has no clue who Jungkook is. Interesting, considering Doyeon two-timed in favor of Namjoon. It gets you a little antsy, and you wonder if Namjoon is faking this whole interaction or if Doyeon is hiding something.
“Baby,” Jungkook rests a hand on your shoulder, regarding you with concern, “you spaced out there, are you okay?”
“She’s like that, Jungkookie,” Jungkook gently presses your shoulders down, blocking your view of Doyeon as she regards your not-boyfriend as Jungkookie. “My cousin’s a bit of an airhead,” her tone is sweet and jesting, the backhanded jab going right above Namjoon’s head.
“I’m just hungry,” you say, forcing a tight-lipped smile.
“Well, that’s perfect,” Namjoon clasps his hands together, “Yeonie and I were just about to go grab some dinner. Why don’t you join us?”
Doyeon and you both reply immediately, “That really isn’t necessary—”
“Nonsense,” you don’t even have the heart to be upset at Namjoon because he looks so damn genuine, “It’s been two years and I haven’t even bought you a meal, y/n. After all, we’re going to be family at the end of the month.”
“Right,” you answer reluctantly.
“We’re gonna make reservations at the Cheesecake Factory,” he pulls out his phone, ready to make a call, “but you and Jungkook can finish shopping, okay? The wait will be a little long but by the time you’re done our table should be ready.”
You and Jungkook wave off Doyeon and Namjoon as they make their way to the restaurant. Your hand is caught in the air by Jungkook, who regards you with worry in his eyes. “I wasn’t kidding when I said you looked spaced out,” he says, “tell me what you were really thinking.”
Subconsciously, you squeeze his palm for comfort. “I don’t know, it just feels weird knowing Namjoon doesn’t seem to know you at all. Normally Doyeon loves to talk shit about her exes.”
Jungkook scoffs easily, “I mean, if she’s marrying the guy I’m sure she doesn’t want to let him know the details of how they ended up together.”
“True,” you decide to let it go, and follow Jungkook to the register to pay for his swim trunks.
“So,” the little ‘ding’ of the register opens up the money box, and Jungkook quickly hands the clerk his cash, “we’re having dinner with them after this?”
“Only if you want to.”
“We need to, right?” Jungkook thanks the clerk, holding the bag in one hand and threading his fingers through yours as you head out the store.
“Well, do you want to?” you ask again. Jungkook stops the two of you on the sidewalk. It isn’t a fast stop, but a slow down that makes his walk a little more thicker, more deliberate as he trudges you down the lane. You move in front of him, clutching your hands between his. “Are you okay? You barely even acknowledged Doyeon.”
“I’m fine,” you flinch at his harsh tone, and he immediately moves to remedy it by squeezing your hand back. “I’m sorry. It’s just been awhile and I’m definitely over her but,” he bows his head, feeling embarrassed, “she hurt me, you know?”
Going into this is definitely one of the more selfish plans you’ve put your mind to. Your heart pangs thinking about what must be going through everytime he sees her. If he’s reminded about all the good times they shared, or how much he’s over thought every single conversation he’s had with her up until this point.
“Of course,” you completely understand, knowing from the beginning that this whole mess would end up with some dicey feelings someway or another. “I’m just thankful you chose to stick by me. And we can talk about it if you’re comfortable,” both of you being victims of Doyeon’s brand of torture, you hope the two of you can at least be friends after all of this is over, “we don’t have to go have dinner with them.”
“But, Namjoon got us a table—”
“Namjoon will be fine. We can always have dinner with him another time,” you smile softly, “what matters is that you’re okay.”
His gaze melts, and you feel his grip loosen in your hold. He regards you with weak eyes, betraying the confidence he held himself to moments before. “Thanks, y/n,” he says, “I really appreciate that.”
“Anytime,” you reply honestly. “We can go to Cheesecake and order to-go. I can make some excuse about how my stomach hurts and that we should do a raincheck.”
“Sounds good.”
“Do you wanna eat at one of our places or eat at the park or something?” you’re already pulling up your phone, checking out the menu. “We could invite Jin too.”
“The park sounds nice,” neither of you acknowledge the fact that you’re not inviting Seokjin, and for some reason that’s okay.
“Yeah,” you agree simply, “the weather’s beautiful.”
Under any normal circumstances, you would’ve been friends with someone like Jeon Jungkook, easily. A little part of you wishes that you could’ve met Jungkook first, but Doyeon has better connections than you and always had a good crowd around despite her inner motivations. No awkward exchange happens when you suggest to Jungkook to eat together. Even though you’re not technically dating, the two of you know that eating together is better than eating alone.
And you have to admit Jungkook’s great company. The two of you drive to a reserve nearby, overlooking a tiny lake. Instead of a fancy Italian tablecloth the two of you move your car seats down and set a spare picnic blanket in the trunk. Instead of a candlelit dinner the two of you find some emergency electric tealights in the glove compartment, lighting it up between you two as you dig into your to-go boxes.
You’re a little envious that so much time has passed by. You could’ve been a little sneakier and made a better effort to communicate with Jungkook when you saw him regularly at family parties, and maybe you two would have a better friendship today. Nevertheless, the two of you mesh like peanut butter and jelly, exchanging conversation that has your cheeks sore from smiling too hard.
By the time you get to dessert, the moon is out and the stars are floating above your heads. The two of you are at war, fighting with your forks over the last strawberry in your cheesecake slice. After some careful stabbing Jungkook manages to nab it with his fork.
He almost puts it in his mouth, but instead swipes up some whipped cream to press the last strawberry to your lips.
“I think it’s working,” Jungkook says randomly as you chew the sweet fruit, “you could see it on Doyeon’s face today. She’s unsettled.”
“Yeah,” you agree, lying down on the lavender gingham picnic blanket.
“Do you know why she fights with you all the time?”
“That’s a question I’ve been asking myself since the dawn of time.”
“I think I know why.” Jungkook looks down at you with his large doe eyes, licking innocently on a spoon of whipped cream.
“Pray tell.”
“She’s jealous of you.”
“No,” you disagree easily, “she’s jealous that I have you.”
“Bzzt! Wrong,” Jungkook puts his empty container in your makeshift trash can, falling beside you and knitting his hands under his head. You have a little window on the roof of your car, so both of you are able to stare at the navy sky, “she’s always been jealous of you. Think about it. The two of you have similar lifestyles: same career path, confidence, taste, education. But even after all of that? People still like you more.”
You scoff, hands immediately reaching to fiddle with the frayed corner of fabric next to your fingers. “I don’t think so.”
“I’ve met all of Doyeon’s friends,” he informs you, “they’re weird. Like yeah, they care about each other on the surface level. But they’re nothing of substance. They’re not like your friends.”
“Please, Doyeon has everything she could ever want,” you don’t know what kind of complex you have supporting Doyeon’s life, but something deep and insecure wants to separate you two as far away from each other as possible. “Like… she’s Malibu Barbie and I’m Polly Pocket.”
Jungkook turns to face you, resting his head between his palm and leaning on his elbow. “Do you not think you’re beautiful?”
“Yeah, but compared to Doyeon—”
“You’ve always been beautiful to me, don’t you know that?”
You choke on your saliva, feeling small and skittish at the implication behind his words. It’s been two years. You’ve only been friends for two weeks. How can he possibly say that?
“I uh, saw you once,” Jungkook coughs, and you watch the way his pale cheeks unmatch the moon and instead flit to a crimson hue, “we were at some party and you were wearing this really cute black dress with a white bow in the middle. Doesn’t even matter what party because it was random, y’know? I was gonna go talk to you but Doyeon got to me first and well, the rest is history.” He breaks eye contact with you, unable to handle it.
You remember that party, vaguely. It was random, some sort of poetry slam in a shady part of town. Doyeon and you didn’t even go with each other, you were with Taehyung and she just happened to stumble in there from another nearby party. You didn’t even know Jungkook was there that night, or how you were a hair's breadth away from meeting him before Doyeon.
“Don’t ever think you’re lesser than her just because out of all the people she chose to pick on, she chose you. It’s why she never lets you get to know her boyfriends. She’s threatened by you because you’re just as special,” something low sparks in your chest at his words, “and now that you’ve finally decided to stoop to her level and fight back with a taste of her own medicine, she doesn’t know what to do.”
Feeling like your body is on a beach and you’re sinking in sand, you soften over your picnic blanket, mulling it over. “Did I make the right choice? Stooping down to her level.” Your voice is quiet, comparable to the chirping birds and buzzing gnats outside.
“We won’t know until after the wedding,” Jungkook answers honestly, “but I do know I’m sticking with you until the end. We’re friends now, got that? You have no excuse to ignore me anymore.”
You don’t want to ignore Jungkook, never in a million years. Now you know that you are envious of Doyeon, for having an opportunity to love and care for an amazing person like him. So in a sudden bout of emotion, you roll over to straddle Jungkook’s waist.
He’s shocked, hands flying to your waist to make sure you don’t wobble off. But you’re determined, and lean down to press your lips against his. He tastes like cheesecake and strawberries, the taste melding with your own as you relish in the feeling of his soft lips against yours. You melt a little when he squeaks, breaking into a soft moan as he reciprocates the gesture. He’s warm and large and he makes you feel safe. Once your brain returns to your body, you break for air. You only pull back a few centimeters, and there’s no way for you to get off because Jungkook has locked you in place.
“What was that for?” he asks breathlessly.
“Don’t know,” you’re whispering against his lips, unable to pull away, “just felt like we needed a little more practice.”
He blinks, before relaxing in a silly smile. “I agree,” he says simply, dipping you on your back so he can be on top the second time around.
“We’re in Vegas, baby!”
Every single terrible comedy movie set in Las Vegas has brought you to this very moment. You’ve always wanted to say that line. Dumping your luggage next to Jungkook’s, you flop on the nearest mattress. Thank goodness you only wore leggings and a t-shirt on the flight, it’s the optimal sleeping outfit after a long day. Feeling something hard and plastic dig into your brain, you hold up the culprit and squeal excitedly. “Look, Kook!” you wave the crinkly confection in your hands, “they put mints on the pillows!”
Despite your room being a square with two queen beds, the hotel does not skimp on quality. The decor is ornate, the white and gold trim on the doorknobs and metal appliances shimmering beautifully. The beds feel like clouds, as you try to imagine what a cloud could possibly feel like, this is it.
Jungkook immediately follows suit, ripping off his outer clothes until he’s left in his undershirt and boxers, flopping next to you on the mattress. He immediately opens his mouth when you shoot a mint, catching it easily. “I feel like we’re in a deleted scene of Crazy Rich Asians,” he says, letting the hard mint clink around his teeth, “is this the part where you tell me your family comes from old money and I’m gonna be your sugar baby?”
“Don’t be so hopeful,” you narrow your eyes, booping his button nose with your finger.
“I’m just saying, the first class flight threw me off.”
You giggle, slapping his chest, “No. If that was true, we wouldn’t be sharing a room with my cousin. Sorry you have to share the bed with me, I got the hotel with Jin and he doesn’t want to sleep with you.”
“S’okay,” Jungkook replies softly, leaning closer to make grabby hands at you, “you’re softer.”
Tentatively, you scooch over so you can lean on Jungkook’s chest. You two have a little time before Doyeon and Namjoon’s combined bachelor and bachelorette party. The past two weeks have been nice—scratch that, the past two weeks with Jungkook have been wonderful. You never cared to measure how much time passed before meeting him, but now that you’ve begun fake-dating, time is the only thing you regard. You’re already beginning to miss him, knowing that in a week, this whole arrangement will be over.
Well, not exactly over. Jungkook says you’ll remain friends after this, but you don’t really want that. You want more, and it scares you to think he may not feel the same.
But right now you’re snuggling like an old couple, sleeping comfortably between pillow-like sheets and minty breath. Your pretend boyfriend, now your pretend boyfriend with benefits, looks soft and huggable and you want to bottle up this moment forever. You say benefits because, well, the cuddling is an added bonus. Practice practice practice, Jungkook sing songs the words you used that one night under the stars, excuses to seal his lips to your lips. You’ll never argue with that. So when Jungkook’s hand tightens around your waist and pulls you closer, you relent.
One second, you’re closing your eyes and the next, you’re waking up to Seokin’s wide eyes staring back at you.
“Eep, you creepo!” you shriek, scrambling away from him. That’s when you realize Jungkook’s missing from bed, the scent of his laundry detergent lingering between the eggshell Egyptian cotton.
“Jungkook’s in the shower,” Seokjin immediately reads your mind, pulling away so he can unpack his luggage. “My flight just got in two hours ago, you both were out like a light when I arrived.”
“Ugh, I’m really not ready to party.”
“Doyeon just texted the family group chat. She reserved the rooftop, the party starts in an hour,” he talks mindlessly, rifling through his stuff. Seokjin is fiddling with his clothes, despite the fact that you know Seokjin prepares his outfits days in advance so he doesn’t have to choose. He looks concerned, pulling out a flamingo pink boardshort and setting it down on his mattress. Finally he says, “I’m worried about you.”
“Why?”
“Because. It’s clear that you’re starting to fall for Jungkook.”
The words strike you straight in the place you’re trying to avoid. You’ve been living in a fantasy these past two weeks, thinly veiled by the whole reason you two are together in the first place. Doyeon’s wedding is just around the corner, and what then?
“I’m not saying that he doesn’t feel anything for you either,” that gets your heart skipping a beat, and you secretly hold a hand to your chest under the blankets, “but do you really want to start off a relationship like this? A relationship all messy and morally objective because it’s built on revenge?”
“Don’t worry about me,” the words easily fall from your lips, “I can take care of this.”
“I hate it when you say that,” the words are curt and harsh against Seokjin’s plush lips, “I’m allowed to worry about you, y/n. You know why? Because, because you’re my favorite cousin too,” he bites his lip, walking over so he sits on your side of the bed. “So don’t tell me what I can and can’t worry about. I want you to be happy, I want you to stop holding in this anger you have for Doyeon and move on.”
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, leaning over to press your cheek against Seokjin’s shoulder. “You’re right.”
“For the first time in a long time, you’ve finally decided to lean on someone,” and both of you know who that someone is. “I don’t want you to lose him over some petty family issue. You should tell him how you feel.”
“I will,” you wrap your arms around your cousin’s slim waist in a silent thanks.
“Am I interrupting a tender family moment?”
The two of you pull away to stare at Jungkook, leaning against the doorframe that leads to the bathroom. He’s in a plain white t-shirt and the red board shorts that you bought at the mall, cutting off mid-thigh and revealing the bulky muscle underneath. You were right, the shorts do make his thighs look thick.
Seokjin groans exaggeratedly. “Yes, yes you did.”
Jungkook immediately goes to replace Seokjin’s spot, and some stray droplets fall fresh from the shower due to his slicked-back hair. “Do you wanna get ready? First party’s soon.”
“Not really,” you admit, “you’re gonna meet the family all over again.”
“Second time’s the charm,” he winked, “I’ve already met your parents and everything. Not feeling nervous at all.”
“Oh, really?”
“Really,” and the facade cools down a little, “well, maybe a little nervous for your Aunt Lillian. Her stares give me the heebie-jeebies.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from Aunt Lillian.”
“God the two of you get worse every day,” Seokjin has magically changed into his shorts, tucking himself into the bed, “don’t wake me up until we pre-game.”
Doyeon and Namjoon don’t skimp on the festivities, although in taste the ideas are Doyeon’s in its entirety. It’s lavish and colorful, with a beautiful infinity pool in the middle decorated with lavender and pink headlights. There’s a buffet table overflowing with tasty food. There’s petal pink champagne overflowing from fountains, decorated with fresh strawberries bobbing around the fizzy drink.
“I don’t know,” Namjoon and Jungkook have been talking for well over an hour, and it’s clear how well they mesh together. Heck, you’ve accepted that Jungkook may like Namjoon more than he likes you. Jungkook’s eyes sparkle as Namjoon discusses the various genres of rap and hip-hop music, explaining the potency of mature themes in a young community, “but I will say music is like another language, knows no boundaries when it comes to sending their messages to others.”
You fight the urge to chuckle when Jungkook sighs dreamily at the music theory professor. “Wow, that’s so deep.”
Getting up from your cabana, you nudge Seokjin, who’s currently flirting it up with one of Doyeon’s bridesmaids. “Hey, wanna get a drink?” you ask, throwing your wrap on the cushions to reveal your strappy red bikini.
“And chicken tenders,” Seokjin presses a kiss to the bridesmaid’s cheek, bidding her goodbye as he follows you out of the shaded area.
“Do you two lovebirds want anything?” you stare pointedly at Namjoon and Jungkook. While Namjoon’s eyes stay in contact with you, you can’t help but smile a little more when Jungkook has a hard time keeping his gaze in one place.
“I think we’re fine,” Namjoon answers for both of them, swirling his beer bottle. “I’ll meet you two at the bar once I’m done.”
“Sure thing,” Seokjin puts a hand on your back to lead you to one of the open bars. As much as you like being in a handsome hotel with money to burn, nothing beats the fact that your entire family is here to celebrate. The elders have corroborated two cabanas for poker and other games, while your younger cousins are playing ping pong and air hockey on the other side.
“Namjoon sure is a dreamboat,” Seokjin bemoans, handing you an electric orange drink. You take a sip of it, and bug out when you realize it tastes nothing like alcohol. You’re definitely in for a night. “Like I can hear him wax music thingamajib any day.”
“I thought you were into that bridesmaid.”
“A mere diversion,” he sighs, leaning his tanned arms against the bar, “can’t ignore the deep voice Namjoon has, it’s intoxicating.”
“I’m sure Jungkook would agree,” you egg on.
“What are you two talking about?” you straighten up when the man of the hour shows up at the bar, absolutely glowing under the sunset. He orders a round for the three of you, and you immediately chug your own drink to get to the next one.
“Talking about how you’re stealing Jungkook away from me,” you joke, accepting another fruity drink from Namjoon. Damn, this stuff tastes like candy.
“Oh, never,” Namjoon replies brightly, waving the thought away, “do you see the way he looks at you? Hopelessly in love.”
Maybe it’s the copious amounts of alcohol, but you feel your stomach flip-flop at the thought of love. You’ve always known what love felt like, the warmth of Namjoon’s cheeks whenever he sees Doyeon, when your mom takes care of you when you’re sick, when Seokjin makes sure you’re not emotionally constipated 24/7. But the thought of Jungkook and you in love? It’s a feeling you secretly yearn for.
“Right? It’s disgusting,” Seokjin groans with an eye roll, “like, Jungkook wasn’t like that with Doyeon at all when they were together.”
The slip up has the three of you choking on your own thoughts, staring at each other like the three have just been told you’re on a prank show. But it is no prank, and you look at Seokjin who’s absolutely horrified.
“Oh shit,” he squeaks, looking at Namjoon guiltily, “did I say something I shouldn’t have said?”
“I don’t know,” Namjoon replies coolly, “did you?”
The ominous response gets you going, and you quickly place a hand on Namjoon’s arm, placating him. “They dated, yes. But it was only for a short time and we’ve sorted everything out. Nothing for you to worry about.”
“Oh,” Namjoon quirks his head, and regards you two with pursed lips. “I’m not one of those guys who freak out over other people’s exes. I’m just surprised that I’ve only heard this now,” Namjoon takes a slow sip of his drink, and despite your drink also being cold and refreshing, you’re absolutely sweating.
“Well, I’m sure Doyeon didn’t want to worry you.”
At the mention of his future wife, he beams. “You’re right, she’s considerate like that,” and the conversation ends just like that. He holds up his drink to the two of you, and you and Seokjin do the same. With a sharp clink he leaves you two to mull, happily conversing with the next round of guests he needs to entertain for the week.
“That guy is too nice for his own good,” you shake your head, asking the bartender for your third drink within ten minutes.
Seokjin leans over you and warbles, “So you’re telling me that Namjoon has no idea that Doyeon cheated on Jungkook in order to date him?” he’s sweating just like you are, following suit to your actions and asking to make his drink a double.
“I don’t know,” you bite your lip, your teeth worrying the dark skin, “I’ve been thinking about it for a while though. I just don’t want to get involved, you know?”
“But this is different!”
“But Doyeon’s family!”
“And all of a sudden you care about Doyeon’s feelings?” Seokjin gripes back, “it’s not about Doyeon, it’s about the both of them. And if we know something that Namjoon doesn’t, wouldn’t it be in our best interests to warn him before he seals a marriage deal that costs him over a zillion dollars?” he gestures to the extravagant wedding party.
“But we don’t even have any proof that’s the case,” you frown, “Doyeon could have changed—a little, not a lot—since meeting Namjoon, maybe she thinks it’s best to reveal as little as possible.”
Seokjin wonders what kind of family he has. One as chaotic as his takes a lot to stomach, and Seokjin likes to pride himself in his strong appetite. “Fine, let’s just keep a close eye on both of them this week. And if anything remotely fishy happens, we strike.”
“Deal.”
You return to the cabana alone, with a plate of fries for both you and Jungkook. Jungkook is also alone, laying on the lounge chair with his eyes closed. It gives you a chance to ogle your fake-boyfriend a little bit, reveling in the sight of his toned body.
Setting down your plate with a sharp rap of the glass, Jungkook opens one eye. “Hey,” he smiles, drinking in your muted expression, “you okay?”
Damn Jungkook for being able to read you so well. “I think so. It’s nothing, really.”
“Well, will you tell me if it’s something?”
“Yeah, I will.”
“So, I do have something to tell you though.” Jungkook sits up, regarding you wearily. “Can you… stand in front of me?” Confused, you shove a fry in your mouth and walk up to him as directed, your back blocking the entrance as you stand in front of him. “Okay, come closer. Now bend down,” you bend your back 90 degrees, and he presses a hand to your shoulder to stop you, “no, no. With your breasts out, just a little—there! Arch your back. Like you’re doing the Sorority Squat.”
“Excuse me—”
“The music isn’t even that loud,” he mutters to himself, “no one would need to push their boobs in my face to hear me.”
“Jungkook, is someone pressing boobs to your face?”
“Why,” he breaks into a playful grin, “jealous?”
“Not if it’s Aunt Lillian.”
“Unfortunately it wasn’t,” he twiddles with the drawstrings of his shorts. “It was Doyeon.”
Doyeon? She didn’t walk by your cabana all day. Heck, she barely greeted you when you arrived with Jungkook. But when Jungkook’s alone is when she decides to pounce? And with what motive?
“I don’t know,” he’s rambling to himself, “maybe I’m overthinking it. It was only half a second.”
“Jungkook, I have something to tell you,” you say instead, panic in your features.
“Is it something urgent?”
“Well, no but—”
“Then tell me when we get back to the room,” Jungkook easily pulls you onto his lap, and you instantly heat up when you feel your bare butt press against Jungkook’s golden thighs. “Like you said, we’re in Vegas. Let’s have fun while we can.”
“Okay,” you tuck your head between his neck and collarbone, reaching to press a kiss to his smooth jawline.
Relaxing against the plush lounge chair Jungkook feeds you fries while talking about the things he wants to do this week. It’s his first time in Vegas and he wants to make the most of it. He wants to visit all the buffets he sees on Buzzfeed compilations, relax at the pool, maybe catch a show. The thought of spending all week with him and your family is nice, and suddenly you don’t feel so awkward sitting on his lap, and eventually he pulls you between his thighs so you can lay on his chest.
“And between you and me,” he fake whispers against the shell of your ear, as if he’s telling you the biggest secret, “we’re the hottest couple here.”
The next three days leading up to the wedding are relatively uninteresting.
Uninteresting in the best way possible. On Monday you and Jungkook spend time with your little cousins, taking them to The Adventuredome, one of the resort's indoor theme parks. On Tuesday you and Jungkook go shopping at the outlet malls with your parents, blowing hundreds of dollars on cheap Levis that have your luggage bursting with a new wardrobe. In between all of that Seokjin and occasionally Namjoon joins you two in your buffet journey, hitting up the top spots and filling your tummies to the brim with delicious food.
On Wednesday, Jungkook brandishes two gold-foiled tickets in front of you, waving them around like a fan. With one finger, he pushes away your Pokémon battle, “I got us tickets to Cirque du Soleil,” he announces proudly, “waited in line for an hour.”
You gape, scrambling off of your bed and throwing your Nintendo Switch to the side. “Jungkook,” you marvel, “these are so expensive. How’d you manage to get a show for tonight?”
He shrugs, “Looked around.”
“You’ve been impulse buying a lot this week,” you tease, “like really, you don’t need three pairs of the same ripped jeans.”
“This wasn’t an impulse buy,” he says, “I’ve been looking around for shows. Just managed to pick them up today, so go get dressed for our date.”
Did Jungkook just call it a date? Giddy with excitement you throw the covers off, running into the bathroom to get ready. What a surprise, you didn’t think Jungkook would be into spontaneous things like this.
Seokjin left the bathroom open, so when you walk in the room it is steamy and warm. Your dear cousin is still in the shower, probably waiting for his conditioner to pass three minutes of set-in time.
“What are you getting ready for?” Seokjin asks over the rain shower.
“Kook got us tickets to Cirque du Soleil,” you chirp happily, looking through your skin care products.
“I wanna come!”
“Nope! Jungkook called it a date.”
“Oh, a date,” Seokjin drawls, putting his head under the water to rinse his hair clean. “Well then, should I vacate the room for tonight?”
“What, no!” you’ve closed the door, so thankfully Jungkook can’t hear you talking about him. “We’re not doing anything. We’re just two friends who are fake-dating going on a date.”
“Sounds like a real date, though,” Seokjin wraps a towel around himself to cover all his important bits before getting out of the shower, bumping elbows with you so he can brush his teeth. “Either way, I’ll be gone tonight. It’s my turn to watch the baby cousins. Don’t have too much fun while I'm in their room watching Despicable Me for the millionth time.”
“We’ll be sure to stop by with some pizza or something,” you tease, a little wiggle in your hips when you vacate the bathroom.
By the time you and Jungkook are ready, you two are dressed impeccably. Jungkook is wearing one of the ripped black jeans he bought on Tuesday, combined with a white button up and black blazer. A classic outfit with a little bit of Jungkook-themed flair. And to Jungkook’s surprise, you’re wearing the dress that he first saw you in, all those years ago. You’ve gained a little weight since college, but you still fill out the little black dress beautifully, the little white bow in the middle adding a simple yet adorable touch. It took a little sleuthing and searching through your old college clothes, but you were determined to find it when Jungkook reminded you how much you love the design.
Clearly from the way Jungkook is currently gaping at you like a bloated fish, he loves it too.
The show is beautiful and colorful, leaving you speechless and in tears by the end of it. Jungkook lets you hold his hand the entire time, feeling a bout of anxiety anytime the acrobats fall gracefully despite the large height.
Overall, it was a wonderful show, paired with your equally enamouring date. It’s getting harder and harder to distinguish what’s fake and what’s real in your heart, and throughout the night you’re sorely reminded that you should tell Jungkook how you feel.
But by the time you get to the room your parents are calling you, asking to get their suit and dresses out of the car so hotel service can do a last minute press and dry clean.
“I’ll be back,” you say to Jungkook, “I need to go get their clothes out of the car. They’re always so forgetful.”
“Want me to come?” he offers, hand shying away from inserting the keycard in.
“No, I’ll only be fifteen minutes, tops.”
“So I guess this is this the part where I get a goodnight kiss?” he asks cheekily, leaning on his heels so his tall frame reaches yours. You don’t hesitate to give a short peck to his pretty pink lips. He pouts at the brevity, “that was too quick.”
“Go inside,” you insist, “the sooner you get ready for bed the sooner I can get ready for bed.”
“Then more kisses?”
“Then more kisses.”
Jungkook breaks into an all-teeth smile, unable to control himself when he dips down and steals a longer, more lingering kiss to your lips. “I had a great time tonight,” he says, mimicking every single teenage rom-com protagonist who’s deeply in love with the popular jock. “Don’t take too long, okay?”
You nod, pushing him inside, “C’mon, if you stopped talking I’d be back by now!”
Once the door closes shut, you let yourself do a little dance in the hallway, wiggling your butt and giving yourself a mini-celebration. You quickly text your group chat that you just came back from the Cirque show.
Jimin: what, a date with your fake date?
Hobi: jeon jungcock? 👀👀
Jimin: whaaaaaattttt. U’ve gotta have sat in his lap at least. 3 times since you’ve started this ting
Hobi: i’ve heard things in college…
Taehyung: u are all gross and i hate u
Taehyung: but so am i bc im very curious
Just as you’re about to send a heated reply, the elevator dings, revealing a pissed off Doyeon. She’s bare-faced, in a fluffy lilac bath robe and matching puff ball slippers. You slip in right beside her, making sure there’s a comfortable amount of space between you two.
“You’re going to the parking garage too?” you ask, eyes lingering on the lit button.
“Yeah,” she’s looking at her phone, a few stray hairs from her mahogany bun falling onto her forehead, “Aunt Lillian left her medication in the car. I don’t know why she has to send me, I’m busy getting married.”
“My parents left their formal clothes in the car,” you shrug, “you know, my parents and Aunt Lillian share the same brain cell. Gotta help them out once in a while.”
The icy silence in the elevator is probably the calmest you and Doyeon have been since you’ve announced your relationship status with Jungkook. You fight the sigh, opting to take out your phone and open some unread messages.
Jeon Jung-boo-thang: hurry up, the bed’s cold without u
You: lool, why do u look constipated
Jeon Jung-boo-thang: because i am, hurry up. Im bringing ur switch to the toilet and playing on your profile
You: JEON WAIT YAMPERS AT 5HP GO TO THE POKEMON CENTER U HEATHEN
You tilt your head a centimeter, feeling Doyeon breathing down your neck like Puff the Magic Dragon. You look at her with wide eyes. Her long, slender neck manages to snake its way next to your head, “Can I help you?” you ask amusedly, clutching your phone to your chest.
“Are you two really together?” she asks, batting her lashes. All this week she’s left you alone, and you’ve been wondering when she’s going to make herself known. It’s a little self-absorbed you have to admit, but ever since Namjoon’s ignorance to Doyeon’s previous relationship, you’ve been on edge.
“Of course we are,” you spit back, “I love him.”
And you must be very convincing, because Doyeon’s gaze falters just a fraction. You glare at her, staking your claim. Ever since Jungkook told you the reason Doyeon hates you is because she’s jealous, you’ve started to feel a bit of sympathy for her. Doyeon is beautiful and smart, she has no reason to feel this way. But the brain holds fickle thoughts sometimes, bringing darkness to the mind.
“He loved me first,” she bites back, lifting her chin.
“And why do you care?” you laugh tonelessly. The elevator dings open, and you’re met with the open air and concrete of the parking garage. “He may have loved you first, but he’ll love me last.”
You leave the elevator first, a little pep in your step as you make your way to the rental car to gather your parent’s things. While the words you uttered are white in nature and may not hold any sort of weight to them, it manages to bring Doyeon to her knees, absolutely quaking in the elevator.
You’re tasting revenge, and it’s sweet.
“Okay, you need to leave,” Seokjin pulls away the shot glass from your lips, “I didn’t spend days planning the itinerary for you to mess it up. Bridal party in Doyeon’s suite and the groom’s party in Namjoon’s parents suite.”
“That’s dumb,” you chastise, crossing your arms, “we’re all meeting at the same club at 10. Why can’t we pre-party together?”
“Because it’s tradition!”
“Screw tradition,” you stumble on your heels as you purse your lips at Jungkook, “Kook, when we get married I don’t wanna do a whole boy-and-girl party. We’re equals, right?”
“Of course, baby,” he cooes, being careful not to smudge your makeup when he presses his lips to the crown of your head. “But for the sake of Seokjin’s sanity, you should probably go to Doyeon’s. It’ll only be an hour or two.”
You gasp exaggeratedly at the blatant betrayal. He only grins cheekily in response, dipping down to press a wet kiss to your cheek. “Fine,” you cross your arms, snatching back your drink from Seokjin’s grasp to knock it down.
Leaving the bachelor pre-party pains you considerably. They’re having such a good time joking around the suite, telling each other fun stories and relaxing in chairs as they watch TV. This is your kind of crowd, not to mention that you can peacefully check out Jungkook’s ass in those tight dress pants without any crazy club lights distorting your vision.
From past family party experience you already have a feeling what’s coming for you in the ladies’ suite.
Loud music pours from Doyeon’s suite, and it’s completely unlocked. The bridal party is raving, ten seconds away from being completely drunk and immobile. The lights are being manually shut on and off like some sort of cheap rager, and you have to tell Yoojung to tone it down before you get a seizure.
The stench of acidic drinks and the tang of alcoholic air is palpable, and instead of a shot you opt for a glass of peach champagne to slow you down.
As you walk deeper into the suite, you notice a crowd forming by the balcony. Tapping your cousin Nari on the shoulder, you regard her with a hug and kiss. “What’s going on over there?” you ask, heels not helping you see any better.
Nari’s all blushy and pink, hiccuping as she gestures to the balcony. “Her maid of honor got Doyeon a very special gift!”
Managing to weave through the women blocking your view, you fight the urge to gag when you have a clear view of the scene in front of you.
You really don’t understand the purpose of bachelor and bachelorette parties. “One night to be single all over again!” they all say, even though they’re not actually single? Like why does the couple suddenly get one night of forgiveness when you’ve already spent years being in a committed relationship?
Why is it okay that Doyeon’s dry humping a stripper on the balcony? Her white silk dress is ruched dangerously high, soon close to flashing her family. Aunties and friends and the like are cheering her on, and she flips her head perfectly to all the phones shoved in their faces, making sure to get the perfect angle.
Fighting the urge to roll your eyes, you turn back in the hopes that your other family members would be willing to have a good old-fashioned tip back with you.
You squeal when your hands accidentally land on a bare, oiled chest. You look up, mortified at the large man covered in black harnesses. “Hey babe, I’m Wonho,” he says, faking a sultry gaze as he looks at you up and down, “you’re part of the bridal party too? Wanna dance?”
Feeling naked, you push past him, careful not to get anything on your dress. Wonho? Wonno.
Jungkook loves your family.
(Except Doyeon.)
As much as he told you not to worry about him, and he’ll be completely fine when he meets your family, he couldn’t help be a little wary on the flight over. After all, it’s been two years and he didn’t know how things would be different.
Chaoticism and all, your family is a thing to be cherished. Even though Yoongi has been on mood swings that make Jungkook question his sanity from time to time, and Seokjin is secretly breathing down Jungkook’s back every time he so glances at you, he thinks things are right where they should be.
But despite all that they regarded him with familiarity, hugged and kissed him like old friends, something is different. They’ve turned over a new page for him. They don’t bring up Doyeon. They ask about his family, his job, his life in the city. They ask about how you and Jungkook met, and how happy they are for you. How happy they are for him.
Oh, how he wishes everything could be different. In another world, you two would already be together.
He wasn’t lying back at the cabana when he said you two are the hottest couple at the resort, including the bridal party (but don’t tell Namjoon). You look absolutely stunning in your sparkly red dress, accentuating all the right parts and lighting up the whole room.
When he finds you in the club you’re sitting down with your Aunties, keeping the elders company while the younger ones are flagging down the bartenders. He thinks it’s cute, how well you fit in between them, coddling you like you’re still a child in their eyes.
“Dear, your boyfriend is here!” your one Aunt yells over the loud EDM.
You lift your head up quickly, giving him the prettiest smile. Your teeth glow purple under the neon lights, and he fights the urge to laugh when he holds out a hand. “Mind if I steal her from you?”
“Of course, she’s gotta live a little!”
You pout, a little wobbly but nevertheless still in the right mind as you shuffle out of the booth to meet his awaiting arms. “Hey handsome,” your voice is thick and sweet-smelling, “come here often?”
“Only when my girlfriend does,” he replies cheekily, hands immediately coming to your butt to smooth out your dress. He shys a bit when your Aunties hoot and holler at his public display of affection, but all he wants to do was pull the hem down a little bit. No way is he going to let anyone get a flash of your goods.
“Let’s dance!” you take your hand in his, leading him to a comfortable corner of the dance floor.
Clubs aren’t really your scene, aligning with Jungkook’s sentiments towards the loud generic music and terrible smell. But you’re in Vegas, and he feels that it’s all part of the package to experience the nightlife at least once. He puts his hands on your waist and you giggle like you’re in prom, hands coming to rest on the collar of his button down.
“Hey,” he says with a lopsided smirk, “wanna make out?”
“Sure,” he notices that you don’t even check if anyone’s seeing, and it makes his heart flutter when you don’t hesitate to get on your tiptoes to meet him halfway.
He’s always hoped for a moment like this, a moment where the room stops spinning and both your minds click into place. It’s almost comical, how he distinctly notes that the music fades once his lips touch yours. The kiss is hot, yet intimate. Even though he makes excuses to kiss you all the time because of practice, it goes to show that you two definitely never needed it. Your tiny hands grip the collar of his button down, bringing you two impossibly close despite the hot air. His larger hands grip at the strings that hold your measly dress together, grappling at any excuse to get to your soft skin. The two of you are a natural when it comes to each other’s intimacy.
The two of you pull away, mesmerized. You haven’t kissed like that before. He melts under your stare, his thumb reaching to nick off any lip gloss that’s moved in the process.
Seokjin comes down the floor to haul you both by the shoulders, “C’mon lovebirds, they’re taking wedding shots!”
The two of you follow your cousin to the crowd of people that is your family, already with their own drinks in hand. Doyeon and Namjoon are sitting atop the bar, making a very loud toast that consisted of a quick “thank you!” and “we love you!” before downing their drinks with their arms linked together. The room is thrumming with excitement for tomorrow’s festivities, and surprisingly, you and Jungkook included. He tucks himself in your body like a puzzle piece, hugging you from behind while he watches Namjoon’s eyes sparkle with love under the neons.
The nightclub gets a little blurry after that, with the copious amounts of alcohol and shameless actions from your family and friends. By the time it’s twelve Jungkook notices you swaying at a rate that you can’t handle. He knows your limits and knows when you have to urge to pee every five minutes, it’s time to go. With a chaste kiss you leave him at the bar, deciding to make a pitstop to the bathroom before telling Jungkook you want to head up.
You’re locked in a stall when you hear Yoojung’s voice.
“Ugh,” she groans, voice echoing through the tiny room. “Jungkook is so sexy. Do you see the way he’s dancing out there? He’s a literal babe magnet, I can’t believe he ended up with someone like y/n.”
You don’t move a muscle, pressing your ear against the door that hides you. The silly slander isn’t news to you, Doyeon has been feeding her friends all sorts of bullcrap so they wouldn’t bother talking to you.
“Yeah, Jungkook’s a real treat but he dated Doyeon first. Sounds like she’s into sloppy seconds,” Elly replies, another bridesmaid you’ve met in passing. “But I don’t know, they do look happy together.”
“Please, I’m sure Jungkook’s just using her so he can get one more chance at Doyeon before she ties the knot,” you bristle, the thought of Jungkook still having feelings for Doyeon makes your heart thud painfully against your chest, “like, what a downgrade. Namjoon and Doyeon do not deserve this drama. If Jungkook ever liked Doyeon at all, he wouldn’t have come. Period.”
You slam the door open, causing Elly to squeal and Yoojung’s YSL lipstick to fall onto the sink. You’re the epitome of relaxation, walking towards the sink to wash your hands. The bridesmaids simply stare at you, unable to formulate a comeback. When you finally dry your hands, you say your next words.
“Jungkook is here because he loves me,” an act act act. This is all an act. You shouldn’t be this offended because you know it’s all false. “And you’re wrong. It’s not Jungkook that doesn’t deserve Doyeon. Jungkook was too good for Doyeon.”
And you slam your heels against the tile, stilettos pounding to the beat of the music. Your exit is full of anger and frustration as you ignore the burn in your step and the ache in your heart, flagging the first bartender you see to get you a double.
Shot for shot, that anger soon melts into guilt as Yoojung’s words sink in. The thought of Jungkook using you to get to Doyeon is terrible, you can barely stomach the thought. But that’s exactly what you’re doing, right? You’re using Jungkook to get back at Doyeon.
Why did you even want to get back at Doyeon anymore? Why do you have to prove anything to her? If she just continues to push you around, isn’t that more on her than it is on you?
Jungkook soon finds you after you’ve nursed a few drinks, leaning unceremoniously against a barstool. His eyes widen at your state, and he immediately sheds his jacket to wrap it around your waist.
“Why did you drink so much?” he chastises, “it’s the night before the wedding.”
“Jungkookie,” you warble, clutching your stomach, “I don’t feel so good.”
He sighs, bending down. “Get on my back. Make sure the jacket covers you up, okay?”
He doesn’t even grunt when you put all your weight on him, feeling like a ragdoll as he hoists you up. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, letting him carry you to your room. Most of the older family already went upstairs to sleep, so none of your cousins could care less when they see you get hauled away by Jungkook.
You inhale, he smells like sweat and cologne. “I like putting my head between your neck,” you babble, and you feel Jungkook chuckle through his chest, “you smell so nice there. It’s the bestset! Comfiest place ever, ‘specially when m’sleepy.”
“Are you sleepy now, baby?” You love how smooth the petname falls from his lips.
“I will be when we get upstairs,” you reply, happy to see the elevator is empty. “I’m just all up in my head.”
“Is that why you were drinking so much? You said you were gonna stop earlier.”
“Yeah, but,” you shamefully tuck your head in his shoulder, “I was frustrated.”
“Frustrated? At who?” concern laces his tone as he struggles to hold you with one hand and fumble for his key in the other. You tighten your legs around his slim waist until the door clicks open, and he immediately walks over to your bed to plop you down. “Babe, are you crying?” he finally has a good look at your face, horrified to see the streaks of tears mixed with mascara running down your face.
“I wa-was jealous,” you confess tearily, clutching your face in your hands, “some girls in the bathroom were calling you sexy and that you were only here so you could try to win over Doyeon. I know it sounds ridiculous and you would never do that but. The thought of you getting back with her makes me so jealous and I hate it! I’m starting to feel so guilty about this, all of this. I put all of this on ourselves and I’m ruining it.”
“Ruining what? You’re not making any sense.” Jungkook places a hand on your knee, crouching down so he can look up at you.
“I’m ruining us,” you gush despondently, “I’m ruining any potential of us before we even start.”
Jungkook freezes, hand clutching your knee like a lifeline. The potential of you two together? You’ve thought of that? Jungkook didn’t drink much tonight, so his mind is definitely running on all cogs.
Coming to a conclusion, he rubs slow, soothing circles on your knee, his other hand reaching up to wipe the tears from your face. “You’re not ruining anything,” he declares firmly, “that’s impossible. I may have agreed to fake-date you because of Doyeon, but I stayed because of you.”
His heart aches seeing you so upset, and he decides to take initiative to get you out of your clothing and ready for bed. You don’t have any words, opting to let Jungkook take care of you as you try to calm yourself down. He finds a spare t-shirt, a long one so you’ll be comfortable. He doesn’t bat an eye when he unzips your dress, in favor of balling up the shirt and getting you clothed as fast as possible. He rifles through the bathroom to find your makeup wipes, and he’s gentle when he scrubs up the once pretty makeup you spent half an hour doing. Barefaced and fresh, you look sleepy and ready to crash.
But before Jungkook can tuck you in, you clutch his arm.
“Jungkook,” you murmur sleepily, “I think I lo—”
“I know, baby,” he doesn’t want a confession like this, and he’s sure you wouldn’t want it either. You still look a little green and you’re not sober, so he makes the executive decision to pin these feelings for later. “I’m not trying to invalidate you, I promise. I want you to tell me this, all of this in the morning. We’ll talk then.”
“Okay,” you melt in the sheets, pulling the blankets up to your chest. When you see Jungkook move away from the bed, you jolt, “Where are you going?”
Jungkook smiles, reaching over to tuck you back in, “I left my blazer in Namjoon’s room. I’ll be right back, okay?”
He walks out of your room as quietly as he can, making sure to close the door slowly. Once it’s sealed shut, he leaps up, giving himself a silent cheer as he bounds down the hall. You like him back!
The smile on his face is tired but full of fervor as he makes his way to Namjoon and Doyeon’s suite. He doesn’t even care that he probably has to talk to Doyeon to get his jacket back, thoughts filled with the excitement of his requited feelings and going back to his room to cuddle up with you.
He doesn’t even have to knock when the large double doors swing open. Dumbfounded, he looks down at Doyeon, wearing a tiny black nightie and dangling his jacket with one finger. It’s an outfit that leaves nothing to the imagination, and he feels his neck heat up at the feeling he’s encroaching on an intimate moment.
“You left this,” she says slowly, a tiny smirk on her lips.
“Uh, thanks,” he says, making sure not to touch her when he grabs his blazer.
In her other hand she holds up her room’s designated ice bucket. “Could you also get me some ice, please? Namjoon’s fast asleep and I really don’t want to walk out all… exposed.”
He swallows his sigh, knowing it’s going to take significantly longer to get back to you when Doyeon drawls like this. “Of course,” he replies tersely, “after all, you are the bride.”
“Thanks, Jungkookie.”
He makes quick work of getting Doyeon the ice, pumping his long legs down the hall. The ice room is cold and cramped, barely enough for his tall frame to fit in. He jabs the container in the holder, pressing the button ten times per second to get as much ice out as possible.
As soon as he turns around with the ice, he drops the whole bucket.
Like glass, it shatters onto the ground, hundreds of little clear pebbles skimming across the floor like marbles. Doyeon’s pushing Jungkook against the ice machine, freshly manicured hands splayed across his chest. Her body is flush against his, making sure that he feels all of her with her thin silk gown.
“What the fuck, Doyeon get off of me!” a little part of him hopes she’ll come to her senses on her own so he doesn’t have to put his hands on her.
“C’mon, Kookie,” her voice is a sickly candy sweet, her eyes wide with hunger as she takes in his form, “just one more night, you and me. Like old times. One more night before I tie the knot.”
“You’re crazy,” he balks, running his hand through his hair, “this is sexual harassment, do you know that?”
“You don’t mean that, Kookie,” Doyeon dips a red-tipped nail down his chest, “why settle for someone like y/n when I’m right here?”
He grabs her wrists, firm. She winces at the contact, but doesn’t say anything when Jungkook delivers her a scary glare. It gets her quiet, fearful of this version of Jungkook. Doyeon’s never seen Jungkook like this before, so unwilling to bend at her whim and emanating all his power against her.
“Why settle for your cousin?” he whispers like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “because, I love her.”
Her lip curls in disgust, nails digging into the palm of his hand. “But you loved me first.”
“And I’ll love her last,” he spits pack, letting go of her. His anger splits for a brief second, regarding Doyeon with sorrow, “this is low, even for you.”
Jungkook pushes past the ice, wobbling out of the ice room. He doesn’t look back, he just knows that he needs you right now. He needs to tell you everything, figure out a plan to cancel the wedding or something.
But when he crashes inside the room, you’re dead asleep. He can’t find the courage to wake up Seokjin as well, who returned and is sleeping in his club outfit. He groans, feeling useless as he stares at the two of you, ignorant of what just conspired ten minutes ago.
And Namjoon, what is he going to tell Namjoon? Poor guy doesn’t deserve any of this.
Walking up to your side of the bed, he tucks your loose hair behind your ear. You look so peaceful now, so beautiful.
It’s just going to have to wait until the morning.
The morning of the wedding, you wake up alone.
The first thought that runs through your head is that Jungkook has rejected you. The little, insecure bug that will never go away in your brain fills you with rash thoughts. He’s on a flight half way back home and he regrets this whole week.
But after that exaggeration, you notice two aspirin and a bottle of water on your nightstand, along with your phone that’s fully charged.
You pull up the screen to check the dozens of messages that flood your app.
Jeon Jung-boo-thang: morning babe, im sorry i had to leave early. Namjoon showed up at our door freaking out that his suit is the wrong fit and shade. Now im running around vegas trying to find a replacement that doesn’t look like an elvis presley extra
Jeon Jung-boo-thang: but i didn’t forget what you said last night, i promise! Just go get ready and i’ll meet u at the chapel outside the resort.
Jeon Jung-boo-thang: i also have something to say to you
Jeon Jung-boo-thang: wow i didn’t realize how ominous that sounds. Dw, everything will be fine
When someone tells you something will be fine, it’s a universal agreement that no, things will not be fine.
So you get dressed, and put on your makeup mindlessly. You don’t really know what to make of Jungkook’s cryptic message, but you decide to leave those thoughts in the back of your mind as you go to the other rooms to help your family get ready.
Seokjin is busy tying the ring bearer’s tie, looking handsome with his slicked back hair and polished grey suit. “Morning, cousin,” he sing-songs, “you look beautiful today!”
You smooth out your dress, a cascading silver number with starry sparkles. You feel like you’re living out your magical girl fantasies, wrapped up in layers of tulle and a sparkly sweetheart bodice.
“Right back at you. Say, you didn’t see Jungkook this morning, did you?”
“No, but I heard he’s with Namjoon hunting for a new suit. Why?”
“Nothing,” you lean against the guest table, “he just said something really ominous over text.”
“I will never get a peaceful day so long as I’m in this family,” he says this directly to the ring bearer, a toddler who’s obviously confused at his uncle’s weird sayings.
Your phone beeps conveniently, displaying Jungkook’s name.
Jeon Jung-boo-thang: just got his suit. We’ll be there in fifteen. Meet me at the garden behind the chapel, please. It’s urgent
Now you’re just worried. So you tell Seokjin your sentiments, and that he should have his phone on hand in case you needed him. With a confused nod, you leave him to go down to the garden.
The groomsmen and bridesmaids are already at the chapel taking pictures. Only the wedding party is really allowed at this time, but you manage your way through the gardens virtually undetected. Jungkook’s already waiting for you, hiding under a white gazebo overlooking the hotel’s fountain.
He looks gorgeous in his all black pinstripe suit, hair pushed back and pants fitted perfectly around his waist and thighs. When he sees you he gets up, full of skittish energy. You note that his hair isn’t even styled, only washed and curling slightly at the ends, as if he’s in a rush.
“W-wow,” he marvels when you rush up to him, “you look gorgeous.”
You drop the handful of silver tulle, letting it fall to the floor. “Jungkook,” you clasp his hand in both of his, guilt flooding your eyes. You’ve been thinking about this all morning, and you need to cut to the chase. Jungkook tries to open his mouth but you silence him with a finger on his lips. “I can’t—I can’t do this. I know this sounds really stupid and you probably don’t want anything to do with me after this, but I shouldn’t have made this elaborate scheme,” you bite your lip, feeling even more antsy as Jungkook squirms in his grip. He however, is trying very hard to focus with his eyes, confused at your sudden confession. “I like you, Jungkook. I don’t want to parade you around like a revenge plot anymore, it isn’t fair and it’s wrong in so many ways—”
“That’s great,” he says simply, brown eyes swirling with thoughts, “um, ditto. But—”
“Wow,” you frown, “I pour my heart out to you and this is what I get?”
“It’s great that you want to be selfless right now,” Jungkook takes your hand, firm and tight, “but without this elaborate scheme, we wouldn’t be saving asses like we are right now.”
“What are you talking about?” You thought Jungkook rushed you down here so you could talk about each other’s feelings before the wedding.
“Doyeon just threw herself on me last night. I got her ice and she took that as an invitation to seduce me like an episode of Sex and the City. Namjoon needs to divorce her, like yesterday.”
Your face then morphs into something dark and ugly, and you fling your whole confession out the window. The thought of Doyeon going as far as throwing herself on Jungkook as a last ditch attempt to get back at you, has you seeing blood red. “What? Why didn’t you tell me this sooner!”
“You were asleep!” he shoots back, putting his hands on your shoulders. He rubs warm strokes up and down your bare arms, “please relax. You’re shaking.”
“And why didn’t you tell Namjoon when you were driving around all morning?”
“I tried to!” he retorts, hands swinging in the air. You huff when his hands land back on your shoulders, preventing you from running to the chapel to extract Doyeon out yourself, “but he just kept talking shit about how much he loves Doyeon and he can’t imagine being together with anyone but her and I felt so bad! I’m sorry I chickened out. I really don’t wanna be the one to break Namjoon’s heart. I’m just the plus one!”
You pinch your brows, mulling it over. “Fuck it, let’s crash a wedding,” you declare, “where’s Namjoon and how can we get him alone?”
Jungkook exhales, a hand carding up to loosen his thin silver tie. “He’s taking pictures with the groomsmen right now. It’s gonna be awhile before we get a chance to talk.”
“Fuck,” you curse, sitting down on the white bench. Jungkook presses soothing circles on your back. “We have no choice, we have to get to him before the ceremony starts.”
“You’ll have to get through me, first.”
Doyeon’s not even in her wedding dress when she strides up to the two of you. She’s in ballet flats with her hair and makeup done, but the only thing she’s wearing is the thin underdress of her actual ball gown, a simple silk negligee that reaches her ankles. You don’t even know how she’s managed to escape the bridal party, especially without her dress.
Feeling protective, you step in front of Jungkook. “Before you say anything,” you murmur, “I’m not ruining your wedding, and I never wanted to. You’re ruining it because of your mistakes.”
“Oh, boo-hoo,” Doyeon rolls her eyes, playing with her nails, “I didn’t even do anything wrong, everyone knows that on the bachelorette’s night she can do whatever she wants. Namjoon could’ve fucked whoever too if he wasn’t so faithful.”
“Namjoon is ten times the partner you are and would never do that,” You’re seeing red, unable to comprehend the complete garbage spilling from Doyeon’s lips. “You touched my boyfriend without his consent, and I will never forgive you for that,” your voice is scarlet, angry and thin.
“It’s not like he isn’t used to it, I—”
“NO!” the sound that comes out of your mouth has all three of you flinching, and you’re thankful the gazebo is far enough so that the rest of the wedding party is oblivious to your actions. “You’re not allowed to justify yourself anymore, Doyeon. What you did was fucked up, what you’ve done to all of us is fucked up!” You realize now that you didn’t need to get back at Doyeon with a fake date, what you needed was this. You needed a reprieve, a chance to lay down your law. “Jungkook was right all along. You are jealous. You’re jealous and selfish and have no shame. You think you own whatever you set your eyes on, but you’re wrong. We’re not objects, we’re people.”
You walk up to Doyeon, eye to eye. You jab a hand at her chest, pushing her back slightly. You soak up your cousin’s expression, and you watch as Doyeon’s eyes pop out in surprise at your act of boldness. “So you have a choice here. You can either swallow your pride and leave Namjoon at the aisle quietly and save whatever dignity you have left. Take your pathetic ass on the next flight back home and pack up your apartment. Or, we can start a big scene at your ceremony,” you probably look manic, filled with freshly injected power, “I know Seokin’s always wanted to yell ‘I object!’ at a wedding.”
“You have no proof,” Doyeon glares right back, taking a step closer to you. Your noses are practically touching, but you dig your heels in the white-stained wood, puffing up your chest and standing your ground.
“Doesn’t matter,” you bite back, “what matters is that Namjoon will doubt you. Namjoon knows we’d never do anything to sabotage a wedding without a valid reason. Even if you do get married tonight, we have Jungkook’s word and proof of a relationship that overlaps with his. I find this option to be far worse because it’s prolonging the inevitable,” you shrug, “I hope you two didn’t sign a prenup.”
Hot, angry tears mess up her meticulously done makeup. Black rivers carve through her porcelain skin, showing the feelings that have been dormant since been hidden under a facade. Doyeon’s eyes dart back and forth between the two of you. She’s practically vibrating in combined fear and rage, seeing blurry images and memories and regrets of what could’ve been if not for her self-absorption. And finally, your cousin comes to a decision.
“I hate you,” she emphasizes each word with the most concentrated of venoms in her tone. WIth one last look at the two of you, she stomps away. Instead of going to the direction of the chapel however, she takes the shortcut back to the hotel.
Her grave words are unsurprising, but nevertheless disappointing. A thinly veiled smile grazes your lips, sadder than ever as you watch your cousin go. “And I pity you.”
As soon as she’s gone Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to scoop you up, hugging you tightly as you fight the urge to cry again. “Oh babe, that was really hot. The way you stood your ground? That was amazing!” Jungkook takes out his silver pocket square to wipe the stray tears that threaten to ruin your makeup. “You’re so strong, don’t you know that? You did it and I’m so proud of you.”
As much as you want to revel in the affection, go back and bed and fall asleep until noon, you can’t. Grasping Jungkook by the hand, you tug him to the chapel. “C’mon,” you say, “we have to corner Namjoon.”
The groomsmen photos are done by the time you get there. Thankfully, the to-be-groom doesn’t look too occupied. His eyes widen upon seeing you two stumble from the garden of all places.
“Oh, y/n. Jungkook,” Namjoon tilts his head curiously at how winded you two look, equally flushed and out of breath. From your state, Namjoon muses that it must've taken a lot of effort to finally get to the groom unattended, save for a few random family members he’s making small talk with, “The wedding isn’t for another hour but I must say, you two look radiant together. Doyeon always thought you’d end up an old spinster-catlady, but I always told her that you’re too beautiful to be single for long,” he pauses to send the aforementioned man a wink, “Jungkook’s a lucky guy. What were you two doing back there?”
“Uh, things?” Jungkook scratches the back of his head, not wanting to reiterate the fiasco between Doyeon moments before.
Namjoon smirks at the ebony-haired man, “Couple things?”
You can’t take this needless small talk anymore. With a teary groan, you throw yourself at Namjoon. You hug him tight, and you don’t even care when you feel a slosh of his water bottle sprinkle your hairstyle.
“Joonie,” you bemoan, “please, please don’t leave me. You’re the best not-cousin ever. I know it’ll be a pain to face Doyeon after today but you’re a strong independent man and when you’re ready Jin is single and ready to mingle—ow! Jungkook! Did you just pinch my ass?”
“Do you really think setting him up with the next cousin is the best idea right now?”
“I figured a little humor would lighten the blow,” you sulk.
“I’m sorry what—what blow?” Namjoon frowns, pushing you away from him. “Y/n, have you been crying?”
The tears resurface at that moment, like a kettle on overboil. Namjoon’s face is knitted together, unable to grasp at any conclusion. Namjoon feels something grave is upon the sky as he tenderly brushes away your tears with his thumbs before releasing you. Instantly Jungkook pulls you to his chest, patting you soothingly. As much as you two do not want to be the bearer of bad news, the time is now.
“Namjoon,” Jungkook says, finding the strength that was previously stuck in his throat, “we have to tell you something.”
Needless to say, Las Vegas is very forgiving when it comes to last minute wedding cancellations.
The whole wedding party, both Namjoon and yours, collectively feels like a whole ice bucket has been dumped upon your families. You would like to say that the whole issue was handled mess free, but that would be a bald-faced lie.
There was screaming, crying, hysterical laughter from all sides. Doyeon’s parents were of course furious, embarrassed, unable to calm down a hysterical Doyeon as they haul her on the next flight home. You have a feeling they won’t be showing up to family events anytime soon.
Namjoon’s family leaves quietly, frustrated, but classy. After all, they know at the back of their heads they dodged a bullet. Everyone leaves except Namjoon however, who isn’t quite ready to go back to his and Doyeon’s apartment. Namjoon invites Seokjin and some other close cousins to stay in his suite until their flight tomorrow afternoon, wanting to be surrounded by close friends and (almost) family.
As for your family, they decide to find the silver lining. While the chapel was able to cancel the wedding, the reception wasn’t as easy to sway. At the very last second, your grandparents decided to make use of the reception and renew their Golden Anniversary vows instead. The ceremony will be a quick, sweet affair. At this very moment, your cousin Yoongi is getting officiated online.
And for you? You’re in the place where you’ve wanted to remain all week. A fluffy hotel bed wrapped up with your not-boyfriend.
Or?
Would a not-boyfriend be snuggling against your chest like you’re the softest teddy bear in the toy shop? Would a not-boyfriend be hooking your leg atop his lap, forcing you to latch onto him so his hands can roam freely against your soft thighs?
“We have to get ready for the wedding,” you whine against his hold, to no avail when he only holds you tighter.
“But your grandparents are already married,” Jungkook whines right back, nuzzling his nose in your head. “This is like an afterparty fifty years later.”
“I wanna get dressed,” you insist, pushing yourself up, “and we still need to talk.”
Without Seokjin staying with you, the hotel room feels much bigger and freer for the two of you. Your clothes are scattered on the floor, uncaring of any wrinkles or smears that would get on the delicate fabric.
All that matters is that Jungkook is still here with you. Doyeon’s wedding is called off, but he’s still lying in bed with you. You want to burn this image to memory, and keep it forever. Jungkook laying in only his white undershirt and boxers, looking at you dreamily as if he’s still in nap-mode. Hair that was previously windswept and exposing his forehead is now out of place, fluffy and sticking out in all directions. His cheeks are flushed with coral-colored warmth, and a little puffy because you two have been sleeping most of the afternoon.
“Right, talk,” he repeats, letting you hand him his black button up so he can clothe himself.
You throw off your shirt somewhere behind you, not wanting to face him as you walk to the full-length mirror. “So, I think my feelings for you are pretty clear and out in the open…”
“Same, I think I made it pretty clear as well.”
“What? You turn around, looking at where he’s still half-covered in bed. “You did not. I distinctly remember almost confessing my love to you last night. And then this morning, only for you to cut me off and say ‘that’s great’.”
“Oh,” he stares at the white sheets that cover his lower half. “I guess I didn’t then.”
You smile wryly, turning back to face the mirror so you can slip into your dress that’s been pooled around your ankles like a silver halo. “Maybe you thought it in your mind and forgot to tell me.”
That seems about right. Jungkook has a tendency to be a little too passionate for his own good, windswept in thoughts and feelings until they consume him. He hops out of bed, walking only in his dress shirt and socks as he makes his way to the mirror. “Then let me do all the talking,” he says softly against your neck, hands on your hips.
You shiver when you feel the cold silver of the zipper whirr up your body, Jungkook’s large hands splaying across your back to smooth out the waistline.
“You of all people would know that being with Doyeon is a trip,” he chuckles into the crook of your neck, “I thought that was what love felt like. Being codependent, jumping through hurdles, trying so hard to please someone who can’t be pleased.”
Jungkook’s hands wrap around your waist, hugging you tightly. He squeezes you and holds you like the most precious thing in the entire world. Through the mirror, you two are quite a pair.
“But with you, I never knew love could be like this, feel like this.”
“So… are you saying you love me?” you fight the urge to bounce around in his grip, the biggest smile on your face.
“You really just want me to say ‘I love you’ and be done with it, huh?”
Within seconds he’s pulling you from behind, whirling you around to the edge of the bed. He manages to flouce up your skirts to billow around his lap, sitting you down on his bare thighs.
“You look like a cupcake, all sprawled up like this,” Jungkook says cutely, peppering kisses in a trail from your chest all the way to your lips. “You look like a huge, silvery cupcake and I love you. It’s so easy to love you.”
Maybe it was kismet that Jungkook didn’t get to you first all those years ago. Maybe the right time is right here, right now.
“I love you, too,” you say happily, dipping down to press a long, passionate kiss to his lips. He tastes like love and a happy future. When you pull away, you encapsulate his face in both your palms, regarding him like the sun and stars. “But you know, if we date you’ll never get away from my crazy family.”
Jungkook snorts, pressing his forehead to yours, “And miss Yoongi re-marrying off your grandparents tonight, the next year of Seokjin and Namjoon running circles around each other, and a lifetime of happiness?” his hands snake under your dress, finding purchase in your soft skin, “not a chance.”
#jungkook x reader#gcn23#goldenclosetnet#btsghostie#kwritersworldnet#jungkook fic#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#bts fic#bts fanfic#bts fluff#bts angst
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