#my mum's wedding is 3 days beforehand | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

readyplayerhobi · 10 months

Text

Because, I Love You | 12

; Genre: Fluff, angst

; Word Count: 5.1k

; Warnings: Fatphobia, ageism, mentions of miscarriage

; Synopsis: According to society, Jeon Jungkook should not be with you. He should be with a younger, hotter and thinner girl instead of wasting his time on you. It’s a good thing Jungkook doesn’t care what society thinks then.

; A/N: Soo...you’ve been waiting for this one for like...a week now. And it’s here...the reason why Jungkook disowns his own mum! If you enjoyed this, please reblog so it can get on other people’s screens and I’d love to hear your thoughts in a comment or an ask - either one is great for me and let’s me know you like this fic still! Your feedback keeps encouraging me to write after all this time.

; Masterlist

"You're totally gonna cry." Jimin teases, though he sounds happy and not malicious. His words are lightened even more by the broad grin he's wearing as he smoothes out Jungkook's lapel once more.

"Fuck yeah, I am. I cry at anything, seeing the love of my life in her wedding dress walking down the aisle towards me? If I'm not blubbing like a two-year-old who's had candy taken from them then punch me till I am." Jungkook is rambling, and he can tell. But he's so damn nervous and excited. Nervited. Excous. Whole new words.

Junghyun, his older brother, laughs loudly and pats Jungkook on the shoulder. Well, it feels more like he's punching him but Jungkook will just consider it a pat as it's done in good faith. Jimin was his best man, but Junghyun had agreed to be a groomsman.

The two of you had decided on a smaller wedding, to save money and make it more intimate. So you only had two bridesmaids and two groomsmen. Momo, your best friend who'd moved back in the last year, was your maid of honour while Hana, another close friend, was a bridesmaid. Thankfully, your friends had been understanding as to why they weren't all invited to be in the bridal party - because Jungkook wanted his brother and best friend, so logically you needed two to match - and were now sitting comfortably in the chairs that had been placed out for the day.

You'd also decided that you didn't want your bridesmaids to walk down the aisle, do they were already waiting for you. The whole day was planned to be simple, fun and intimate. You'd both chosen a beautiful hotel as your venue and were marrying in the gardens, with the dinner and reception later to be half in the other part of the gardens and the hall that had been rented.

Chewing on his lip ring, he looks towards the door that'll you'll be coming through for perhaps the millionth time and he jumps on the spot for a moment. He's got too many feelings, too much energy. He just wants you to turn up so he can marry you.

"Calm down, you're gonna be napping like a toddler if you keep moving around." Jimin chuckles, pressing down on Jungkook's shoulders to get the younger man to stop moving. It works to stop him from hopping, but his fingers are tapping on his thigh instead now.

"He doesn't need to move to nap, you know that." Junghyun snorts in amusement, but it's cut short by the sudden start of the music.

For a second, it doesn't register in Jungkook's head but then he realises - it's your music, the music for you to walk down the aisle.

"She's coming!" He squeaks, and if he didn't have a million thoughts in his head then he'd be embarrassed at how pitched his voice had gone. But he couldn't care now, not when you were coming!

The music soars, and he recognises it as from your favourite video game. You hadn't let him hear it beforehand, had just let him know that he'll recognise it and…he did. It makes him laugh it registers.

You really picked An End Once And For All from the Mass Effect 3 soundtrack. It was your favourite game, and he knew that some would be a little confused at the unusual choice but he loved it. You'd opted for it to be played solely on piano, and he eyes the piano player for a second.

Great, now he was going to forever cry when he heard this song.

The door opens and it's like time stands still for a moment. You're standing there on your own for a moment, having decided that you were a modern woman and didn't want anyone to walk you down the aisle. The bouquet in your hands is held tightly, a deep purple ribbon that matches the colour scheme of the wedding trailing down.

Slowly, you start to walk towards him, passing row after row of your friends and family. Your dress is beautiful - folds of soft ivory silk with delicate lace patterns overlaying it, the lace trailing up over your bodice and shoulders before twirling down your arms. Each movement has the dress kicking out slightly, and he notes the tiny glimmers of crystals that have been carefully woven into the material.

If an angel got married, Jungkook is pretty sure she'd look like you.

Finally, you're standing next to him as you hand off your bouquet to Momo and smile brightly at him. He tries to smile back, but he's been crying so damn hard that all he manages is for his lips to quiver pathetically. Sniffling, he wipes at his eyes frantically.

"Sorry," He mumbles, "You're so beautiful, I love you."

That sets him off again, and you laugh softly before reaching up to wipe away his tears. You're looking at him so fondly, he can't even bring himself to care that he's currently bawling his eyes out. At least Jimin doesn't need to hit him.

"I love you, too." Gently, you clean his face while quiet snickers rumble through the guests at his crying. Nothing malicious, just amused and cooing over how soft he is for you.

"Are you both ready?" The officiant asks, raising a brow at you both as he tries to hide his smile. Jungkook guesses he must see this all the time, and surely it's a good sign for a wedding if the guy cries, right?

Both of you nod at him, and Jungkook takes your hand and squeezes. He's actually getting married, he's going to have a wife in a few minutes. You're going to be his wife.

"Good afternoon, everyone. I hope everyone's excited for today, which sees us witnessing the union of Mr Jeon and Miss Y/L/N for love." Jungkook zones out as the officiant gets through the legal talk and starts to say something about the love between the two in front of him. Ironic, given Jungkook only met the guy yesterday.

But he's too busy staring at you in simultaneous amazement and love. You're here, you're marrying him. You'll be Mrs Jeon, his wife. You're so damn beautiful.

"If there is any person here present who knows of any lawful impediment to this marriage, then they should declare it now."

He's busy smiling at you, so busy that he doesn't even register the words spoken out loud. Not until he notices the way the space has become quiet, the silence deafening suddenly.

Frowning, he looks at the officiant who looks both shocked and confused. Then he looks at you, who mirrors the emotions, though there's also some horror in there too.

Finally, his brain catches up and he twists to stare at his mom. His mom, who had never liked you and who had pitched a fit when he'd announced his wedding. His mom, who had sworn she wouldn't come, only to turn up here anyway.

"What?" Jungkook asks, the confusion in his voice making him sound more like a child. This is what he feels because he can't understand why his mom is objecting.

"I said, I object. I don't approve of my son marrying some old, fat woman. I've never approved of her, and I've tried repeatedly to bring him back but she's got her claws so deep into him. I don't want my son to marry a woman six years older than him, who's probably too old and fat to have children now. Not when my Jungkook deserves so much better. You should be marrying a doctor or a lawyer, not her. So I object, I don't want her in my family and I will never accept her as a daughter-in-law." His mom finishes her tirade, her cheeks red with anger and her face twisted with bitterness. He doesn't recognise her.

Jungkook was frozen in place, his eyes wide and jaw dropped as his mind blanked out. What had just happened? He didn't understand, he couldn't understand - this kind of stuff didn't happen in real life, right?

Yet here he stood, holding your hand tighter than he meant to as he stared in disbelief at his mom. The woman who'd raised him with so much love and affection, who was now unrecognisable to him. He wasn't the only one, his dad was also staring at her in horror whilst his grandparents looked shocked. And that was nothing compared to everyone else.

Jungkook was pretty sure that your parents were going to punch his mom, and frankly, he would let them. But that wasn't the important bit right now.

Turning to you, the love of his life wearing the most beautiful ivory dress and ready to legally tie yourself to him, he felt his heart break. Tears were banked in your eyes, and he saw the slightest quiver to your lips, the movement replicated by your fingers clasped in his own.

No, no.

"Is there somewhere we can go for a few minutes? This won't affect anything, right? I just…I need to sort this out and I don't want Y/N to hear." He whispered to the officiant, who looked like he'd never seen this happen at a wedding before. Just what Jungkook wanted, for his wedding to be a fucking Reddit worthy story.

Still, the officiant nodded and reached out for you, carefully taking your hands from Jungkook. There's a brief moment where you fight, but Jungkook begs you quietly to go, that he'll be there as soon as he can and that he loves you, and most importantly…that he's so sorry.

Once you've disappeared through a door back into the hotel, he rounds with fury in his eyes. And god, he wishes he didn't cry when he was angry.

"What. The. Fuck." He spits, storming to the front row of his seats where his mom looks victorious and his dad looks sorrowful. It's only when she takes in the anger that practically vibrates in his body that she pauses. She loops her arm through his dad's for support, but his dad lets go and steps away with contempt in his eyes.

"I don't know why you're so surprised. You've known I don't approve of her for years now, and I've always let you know. You deserve so much better, someone who will give you beautiful babies and be on your level." There's a shout from your side that gets muffled quickly, and Jungkook notes that your mom is currently being dragged to the door you'd exited by your family. He wants to apologise, but he has to sort this out.

"Shut up, just SHUT UP. Why are you so fucking bitter? Y/N is perfect for me, I love her so much and you have no right to have any opinion here. None. It's my life, not yours. Fuck, I didn't even want you here. You're only here because Y/N wanted to give you another chance and you…you fucking…" He cracks then, swallowing hard as he finally starts to cry from embarrassment and hurt for you.

Turning away for a moment, he presses his hand to his mouth hard as tears fall and he looks up at the beautiful sky. She'd made you cry, at your wedding ceremony. She'd insulted you on things that he knew you'd worked hard to overcome, yet deep inside you were still insecure about. In front of all your friends and family, along with his.

Letting out a shaky breath, he turns back around and lets his mom see his absolute devastation. She had no idea what you'd had to work through to learn to love yourself, or the way you'd made yourself vulnerable to him when letting him love you. She had no idea about the pain of the struggles you'd had to get pregnant or the fact that you'd now had two miscarriages. There was so much she didn't know because he'd known that she'd use it to hurt you. Yet she'd managed to use it anyway.

"Get out. I want you out." He says, his voice shaking and quiet but the words are like gunshots. His mom's eyes widen in shock, and he realises that she's genuinely surprised he's taken a stand. In her fantasy world, she'd speak her peace and he'd realise he was wrong and come back to the fold.

It makes him angry and he grits his teeth.

"Get. Out. Leave, go. I don't want you here, I don't fucking want you anywhere. This is it, I'm done. You want me to pick? Fine, I pick her. Get out of my wedding." He spits, pointing to the door that'll take her out of the wedding, and in a just world out of his life.

"Jungkook, you can't mean tha-"

"GET OUT. Dad, please. I can't…please." He begs his dad, knowing that his dad has always been kind to you and has tried to be the barrier between his mom and her horrible views. There's a second of hesitation before his dad nods, grasping his wife's arms firmly. She's started to rant at them both, jerking to get herself free.

Before he manages to push her into the aisle, his dad stops and gives him a tight smile.

"I'm so sorry, I really am. Please let Y/N know I'm so sorry about this, I think she'll be a great daughter-in-law to me." His compassionate words make Jungkook smile weakly as he nods, before moving to stand in front of everyone.

There's still shock and uncertainty on everyone's faces and he feels so embarrassed, so humiliated that they've all witnessed this. He can't even imagine how you feel.

"I'm sorry you've all had to see that. I, erm, I'm gonna go see Y/N…I don't know if the wedding will carry on. I don't know…it's up to Y/N. I'm sorry." He doesn't know what to say, and he hates how lost he feels.

"Tell her we're sorry too, and that we'd still love to see you both get married if she wants." Jimin says, his best man resting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing reassuringly. There are murmurs of agreement from the crowd, and Jungkook wants to cry from the reassurance everyone gives.

Instead, he nods his head and hurries after you. He'd have been confused as to where you'd been taken if it wasn't for your dad standing outside another door. Jungkook feels about 10cm tall as he walks up to him, his shoulders hunching up to his ears as shame flushes through him. It wouldn't surprise him if your dad hit him, even if it had been his mom who'd said everything.

Stopping in front of him, Jungkook opens his mouth to apologise but he's cut off by strong arms pulling him into a hug. It's a little awkward, with Jungkook's hands dangling uselessly.

"I'm sorry." Your dad says, his tone full of compassion and it confuses him.

"Why are you apologising? I should be, I'm so sorry you had to hear that…I-I don't know what," Looking down, he frowns in frustration. "I've kicked her out…of my life too, hopefully."

"It's not your fault, a child isn't responsible for what their parents say, okay? You love my daughter, I know that. She's in with her mum," He states, nodding his head to the door. "I'm sorry this happened, you don't deserve it."

Jungkook's throat tightens, and all he can do is nod before going through the door. It's a small receiving room inside, with a fancy-looking couch taking up most of the space. He doesn't even understand the purpose of this room, but he doesn't care. Not when you're sat on the couch, your dress splayed out around you with your mom sitting beside you, her arm around your shoulders.

His heart breaks again when he sees the tears on your face, and he feels like shouting in anger at his mom once more. But he doesn't, because this isn't about her.

Glancing at your mom, he notes the upset and pain in her eyes and gives her a tiny smile. She stands, moving over and hugging him as well.

"I'm sorry about all this." He can tell there's more she wants to say, but she restrains herself with a glance back at you. Once she's left the room, Jungkook moves over to you and frowns, pressing his lips together before crouching next to you.

You stare blankly at your hands, tear after tear following well-laid tracks down your face. He knew that you'd opted for waterproof makeup, but even that wasn't able to keep up with the amount you were crying. Not to mention whenever you wiped them away.

"Y/N…" He whispered, feeling useless. It was his mom, and he hadn't seen you cry like this before. You'd cried in pain at the loss of your babies twice now, you'd cried at the fact that a year of passively trying had yielded only one miscarriage and nothing else, you'd occasionally cried when you'd got so overwhelmed from stress but never like this.

Never the quiet and defeated way you were crying now, the slump to your shoulders and the pained look in your eyes breaking his heart. He hated that he couldn't fix this immediately.

Kneeling on the floor - he didn't care if he got his rented tuxedo dirty - he reaches out and takes your hand. Your engagement ring is on your right hand for today, waiting for the wedding band that would be placed onto your left ring finger before joining it once more.

"I'm so sorry." He goes to say something else but surprises himself by breaking down. It annoys him that he's crying when you're the one who suffered such horrible insults, but his heart is aching for you and he's so confused and upset.

Pressing his face into the soft fabric of your dress, he lets out a quiet sob.

"Don't cry, please don't cry." You whisper, running your fingers through his hair in that soothing way he loves. He should be comforting you, and he feels annoyed at himself like he's letting his mom win by letting you baby him and comfort him.

"I should've known, I should've pushed back on inviting her. She's never gonna change, she's just so bitter and cruel. She's not the mom I knew." Jungkook says, sniffling as he looks up at you. At the woman he loves so much, he didn't even know it was possible to love like this.

"Maybe she's right," You whisper, your voice so thin and broken, and he doesn't get a chance to refute before you continue speaking. "I love you, and I've never loved someone so much but…I've never really felt worthy of you. I try to push those thoughts aside, but…you know what it's like. When those negative thoughts get in your head and it wiggles in. Sometimes I just look at you and wonder why you're here…why me? You're younger and ridiculously good-looking and in shape, with plenty of money and you're so damn kind and fun. Why me? I never really understood and you always showered me with love so I just ignored it but…everything she said is something I've already hurt myself with by saying before."

He stares at you in horror, and hatred for his mom swirls in his gut. All the shit she'd spouted had been stuff he'd heard before, and he knew that you'd asked yourself it sometimes. You'd even asked him outright on occasion, but hearing the defeated way you agree with his mom leaves him heartbroken.

"No, no don't listen to her. She's just a bitter and hateful woman because she can't control her son anymore and that I won't follow the life she thought I'd have. I don't care about what she said, she's wrong. You're the best thing to happen to me." He pleads, and he genuinely doesn't know how to resolve this. Fighting negative thoughts is a battle that many lose, and he's terrified that you're being forced to confront such awful ones on what should've been such a happy day.

"What if she is right? I mean…I'm already struggling to give you a baby and the problem is more likely to be me than you. You're young and in great shape, whereas I'm older and overweight. What if we can never have kids and it's all because of me? And she's right that you could be with someone younger and prettier, you get hit on all the time and like…what if one of those girls is who you're meant to be with? What if they could give you a baby immediately? You're so…perfect, and I'm not. I know that. People don't think I'm pretty, I'm fat, I don't like wearing makeup, I'm opinionated, I'm older than you, I don't shave all the time-"

"Stop, stop, please stop," Jungkook begs, his voice breaking as tears fall so fast. "I don't care what my mom thinks, I don't. And I know that's a luxury you can't have, but please…stop telling me what I should think. I don't care what other people think, and I don't want you to put their opinions onto me. I love you, I love everything about you and I love all the bits you don't love. I think you're beautiful, and I genuinely don't care about your weight. If I did, I would've said something or just never approached you. I love that you have opinions and you're willing to say them, it's hot as fuck to me. I love that you're confident enough in yourself to not wear makeup and shave all the time, it doesn't bother me. I've always said that I love the confidence that you have that comes from being older, that you have your life put together and don't have to rely on me,"

"I love your smile, I love your hands, I love your face, I love your laugh, I love your jokes, I love you. And what if I'm the problem? What if I have slow swimmers, or not enough? What if they're weak? Maybe a younger girl would get pregnant instantly, but I don't want that. I want you. If I'm gonna have a baby, then I want it with you. If we never have babies, then as long I'm with you, then it's fine. I love you, and it's killing me that you have these thoughts and you're having to have them on today of all days. Today should be happy, and I'm so sorry that it's not. Please…believe me. I love you." He begs, kissing your fingers as if he's trying to press his feelings into you by force.

Silence falls, and he gets the sense that it's not a negative kind of quiet, but more a contemplative one as you think through what he's said. Being on his knees and begging you to believe his love wasn't what he expected on his wedding day, but then he also hadn't ever expected his mom to show how ugly she is.

Finally, you shift your hands in his until you can cup his cheek. Immediately, he presses into your touch like a sun-starved flower meeting the morning rays of light. He doesn't notice the small smile you give him, doesn't even realise he's closed his eyes at your touch until he hears the sharp exhale of your laugh.

Looking up at you - your dress looks even more beautiful on you this close - he takes in the way your tears have slowed. Taking in a deep breath, a little shakier than it would've been at any other time, you lean forward and lightly kiss him on the forehead.

Before he can even say anything, you're already rubbing away the lipstick mark that had been left and he feels hope spark in his chest once more. You've both been through a lot, and you've done it together. This was just another obstacle, right?

"You're such a good man, Jungkook." You murmur, opening your arms slightly in invitation. He takes it immediately, rising to sit on the couch next to you. A yelp of surprise leaves you as he carefully lifts you onto his lap, a grunt leaving him with the effort and he feels fear flash through him. What if you thought he thought you were too heavy with that noise?

But you giggle, and the noise soothes his worries.

Wrapping his arms around your waist, Jungkook hugs you as tightly as he can without ruining your dress and presses his head into the space between your neck and shoulder. Breathing in deeply, he takes in the soft scent of your favourite perfume and the lingering smell of your peach body wash, all with the unique smell underneath it all that was just you.

"I'm not that good. You do complain at me for leaving the empty milk cartons in the fridge, and for not cleaning the sink after I brush my teeth, and for always eating the chips that you wanted, and-" You cut him off with a laugh, kissing him as he smiles at you happily.

"Shut up, you know what I meant." Jungkook grins before nodding, kissing your cheek and making a face at the gross taste of the makeup on it. He doesn't say anything, though, but he notes the way you smile and wipe his lips clean.

"I know, and I don't want you to like…idolise me. But I also don't want you to listen to my asshole of a mom. I kicked her out, by the way. My dad said sorry, I can imagine there's gonna be a big ass fight when they get home and I'm glad. She needs some reality." Pursing his lips, he half wishes he could see his mom get put in her place. At least, he hopes his dad does that.

"He doesn't need to apologise, it's not his fault. Same as it's not your fault." You muse, your gaze lifting before you begin to clean up his hair. He can only assume it's looking a bit rough right now, what with how much he was pulling it outside.

"Will you believe that, too?"

"Why wouldn't I? I invited her to try and build bridges between us both, but she's made her feelings clear. It annoys me that she's made me cry and humiliated us both, but that was what she wanted. So…I'm not over it, I'm definitely not over it. I still want to run away and curl up and cry. I've no doubt that I'm gonna have some depressive relapses now, which I'm totally looking forward to, but her need to be cruel is not my fault, or your fault, or your dad's." Jungkook wonders if it would be too much to fall to his knees and worship you right now.

He's always known that you were level-headed and confident, it was one of the reasons he fell for you. The age difference that sometimes worries you has let you wrangle your inner demons and learn to understand and love yourself, so it doesn't surprise him that you're bouncing back so quickly. It also isn't a shock that you're so pragmatic about your mental health, though he's fully prepared for the tears that will come.

But this level of reasoning, after such a shocking event, is surprising even to him. Your wedding was interrupted by his mom, who proceeded to personally insult you in front of those you love and here you are…less than half an hour later and already laughing with him.

God, if he hadn't loved you before…

"You're amazing, you know that?" Jungkook laughs, leaning back slightly and just marvelling at you. Your makeup is a little ruined, and your dress isn't nearly as neat and pristine as it had been, yet you've never been more beautiful to him.

"Is everyone still out there?" You ask, and he hears the soft tremor you try to keep out. As resilient as you are, you're still a person with feelings at the end of the day, and even he feels uncertain at the thought of going back out to friends and family who will be concerned and shocked.

"Yeah, they are. Or should be. I mean, it's up to you but…they've said they'd love to still see us get married. It's why they're all here, and they're not assholes like my mom. But if you don't feel up to it then…we could do the vows in here, or something? Or…well, we could postpone it, if you wanted." He really, really doesn't want to postpone it. Jungkook had woken up this morning excited to marry you, and the thought of going to bed without your ring on his finger made him feel sad.

Pushing up from his lap, you move over to the door and cross your arms whilst an outraged look paints your face.

"Are you kidding? I'm not postponing our wedding, not unless you want to. Your mom is a bitch, but not even she can make me willing to lose the thousands we've spent on this day. Plus, I really wanna marry you. We're not letting her win, okay? Fuck her." Lifting your chin, you get a distinctly obstinate look on your face and he can't help but laugh.

"Yeah, fuck her. I'll tell everyone and sort it out with the officiant. Do you want me to send Momo in, there's no mirror if you're wanting to touch up or anything." He asks, referring to your best friend and maid of honour who had recently moved closer. While your mascara and eyeliner have done a valiant job of holding up, it's still pretty obvious you've been crying and Jungkook doesn't know enough about makeup to help you fix it up.

Taking a deep breath for stability, you nod and smile at him.

"Yes, please. Give us five minutes or so, and say sorry to the officiant for me, too?"

Moving over to you, Jungkook grins and lightly cups your face in his hands. You smile back at him, and he knows that you'll probably both need to go through some therapy after today but taking control again feels good. Plus, as you said - he wasn't going to let his mom win.

"I love you." He states, before giving you a quick kiss.

"Love you, too. Let everyone know that if someone else does something to ruin today, then I will punch them. And I don't care if I don't know how to hit properly, I've reached the limit of shit I'll take today."

"It's okay, I do know how to hit properly so I'll do it for you."

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kiindr · 1 year

Note

Hi, so I saw that you said peeps can send in rants, and I realllllllllllly would love to rant. If you did not mean this, or do not want to reply - you can delete it. I will not be offended in the slightest! No trigger warnings, only family issues (and also please don't tire/burn yourself out with this blog. Even just listening/reading about others' issues is draining).

Backstory/context:

I'm a 24 year old female, recently diagnosed with autism. Not good socially, but not terrible. I'm kinda like Katniss Everdeen tbh.

I was working as a bartender at a wedding venue. The building is owned by a well-known wine creator/seller, who leases it to my aunty so she can do weddings there (so she owns 50% of the business, the other is with a friend/chef. They've known each other for 25 years).

I have just only been diagnosed with autism (I was diagnosed multiple times beforehand, so it's been a big few weeks). I have social anxiety and if things get too much, I usually have emotional reactions - but I've learned to walk away, go somewhere and cry for a bit, calm down, dry my tears and get back in there.

I've been working there for over a year now, and last week she fired me from my bartending job, saying I'm too emotional and that "I should be happy at work, because people can tell when I'm not."

It was done over text message by my manager who says I should go to the cafe to work (so they aren't 'firing' me per say, but they are ...) However, working at the cafe I would only be filling up waters, and getting drinks (what the other owner's 16-year-old daughter does.) They also won't let me work the one wedding this weekend. I'm just flabbergasted.

I had to message my aunty to see what was going on, because they'd been completely fine with me working this position for a year. I've put up with a lot from customers. Verbal abuse (being called c*nt, a stuck-up b*tch etc) all because I won't give them alcohol, as well as nearly being physically assaulted. So I've dealt with a lot of bullcrap.

But I've also done big weekends with 4 weddings, literally only 3 weeks ago and nothing was said then? I've never had any feedback. No one taught me (except my other aunty who was in this bartending position but she was drunk all the time. And she never got in trouble, like I'm talking stealing alcohol from the venue aka my aunty who owns the business, I'm also pretty sure she was stealing from the cash register and would take things - once a groom had cigars and before they even used them, she stole one???). So, what I'm trying to say, is I was a fantastic worker. In the whole year and a month I was there, I only had 6 days off total.

I was helpful to others, kept everything on track. So I can only deduce that business owner! aunty is upset with how I interacted with customers? But I asked my coworkers and they said I was fine??? That I was great until the customers started getting rude.

There's also been a new manage/supervisor, lets call him John. He's only a few years older than me, I previously worked with him for a small time when I was 18 at a hotel. He knows alcoholic! aunty because they've worked together for years at different hotels.

My stepdad and mum, who are very very supportive of me right now, think John has a bartender friend and his trying to get them into my job?

I just don't understand. I'm family, business owner! aunty has been an integral part in my life. She's been at big events and shown that she loves me. But right now it's like she hates me?

When I messaged her, it was basically, "you get too upset. I'm too worried that you will be emotional, you're overthinking this. The bar isn't right for you, it's been an ongoing concern and it's a business decision, not a personal one. I'm not texting anymore. Happy to talk face to face."

So I've said "okay when can we talk face to face" (even though I am sh*tting myself even at the thought. She's been described as a viper, and has started a family fight in the past; nearly having a punch on with my mum.)

AND SHE HASN'T REPLIED.

Sidenote: I don't want to work at the cafe because:

It's the principle of it; it's being demoted and it's embarrassing. But also the fact that no, I'm not too emotional. A workplace needs to be safe and keep their staff feeling safe (it's very unsafe - that's why there's such a high staff turn over.)

I don't want to work with alcoholic! aunty because she's done some really really traumatic things to me in the past (it was including a knife but I'm not going to go into that).

Anyyywwwaaayyyy, If you read all that. Thank you so much. I'm sorry it's so long. I hope you have a great day, a great month, a great life. You deserve it x

TW: family issues

hello, thank you for sending in your rant <3

wow, that really is a lot to go through. your reasons for not wishing to work at the cafe are totally valid. nothing is more important than your safety and providing such a basic need to one's employees is the most crucial responsibility of an employer.

it sounds like nobody is giving you any real and honest reasons as to why you're being technically fired. i can only imagine how frustrating that must feel.

from what you just told me, i can see how hard you have been working and how seriously you take your job. i hope that your aunt comes around and sees it. and even if she doesn't, i hope that you find a workplace that treats you well.

you deserve kindness, respect, and appreciation for your work. please take care <3

i'm sending you lots of support and comfort! please feel free to reach out again if you need to vent and you found this helpful :)

#rant #mental health #family issues #work stress #ask

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lonelier-version-of-you · 2 years

Note

What Henrik centric eps would you recommend??? Thanks i’m advance xx

Due to having apparently been deemed the fandom's resident Henrik Expert, I get asked this question a lot, so luckily for you I have a list in my head that I pull out for occasions like this :)

Series 13 episode 1 "Shifts" - Henrik's first episode, written by his creator Justin Young. Sort of essential viewing for Henrik fans, really.

Series 13 episode 33 "Damage Control" - Henrik treats a young boy who is being groomed by his teacher. Trigger warning for CSA, obviously, and this episode focuses heavily on the Henrik/Sahira dynamic which is so unhealthy and manipulative that it probably needs its own content warning lol.

Series 14 episode 7 "See You On The Ice" - Henrik and Sahira disagree about what operation to do for a kid who has been seriously injured.

Series 14 episode 8 "The Hand That Bites" - Henrik invites Sahira to a conference in Stockholm on the day of her and her husband's wedding anniversary. Also, Henrik and Sahira treat a teenage girl whose mother is using medication to stop her from growing up. TW for child abuse (also mentions of rape/sexual assault in another patient's storyline).

Series 14 episode 16 "Here And Now" - Henrik takes drastic action after finding out Sahira's planning on leaving Holby. His harassment towards her really ramps up here, and it can be quite uncomfortable to watch, just thought I should warn you about that.

Series 14 episode 27 "Ribbons" - Sahira's last day at Holby, and Henrik is forced to confront the reality of how badly he's treated her. It might be worth watching the previous episode, S14E26 "Equilibrium", beforehand for context but it's not necessary (I didn't list it because it's not really Henrik-centric).

Series 14 episode 51 "Blood Money" - Henrik gets kidnapped by the angry son of a patient who died at Holby. (Warning for useage of ableist slurs in other scenes, but nothing in the Henrik plotline.)

Series 15 episode 1 "The Third Way" - Henrik struggles with whether to speak out about NHS reforms.

Series 15 episode 4 "If Not For You" - Henrik treats the son of his first ever patient at Holby. This is an emotional one, but I love the exploration of Henrik's character in it.

Series 15 episode 13 "Hanssen/Hemingway" - Another one written by Henrik's creator Justin Young. Jac goes to Stockholm and finds out the truth about Henrik's past. The scenery in this episode is gorgeous (they actually filmed it in Sweden!), and Guy Henry's acting is even more incredible than usual.

Series 15 episode 42 "Never Let Me Go" - Henrik's ex-girlfriend (and Fredrik's mom) Maja turns up at Holby. My favourite ever Henrik scene is in this episode. (It's the one where he expresses envy for an amnesiac patient.)

Series 15 episode 50 "Fredrik" - Henrik treats a kid whose mum abandoned him when he was very young. Some wonderful character exploration.

Series 15 episode 51 "The Cost of Loving" and episode 52 "Like A Prayer" - A two-parter, and Henrik's original exit. He gets into a car crash and has to treat his own colleagues!

Series 18 episode 15 "Sins of Our Fathers" - Henrik treats a homeless patient, and confronts his own classism in the process.

Series 19 episode 3 "Black Dog" - Henrik treats a psychiatrist, while struggling with his own mental health.

Series 19 episode 18 "Losing Game" - Fredrik's first proper appearance, as a patient.

Series 19 episode 48 "How Loud It Is" - Fredrik starts working at the hospital as a doctor. S19E52 "Left Behind", S19E54 "Thicker Than Water", and S19E57 "Kingdom Come" all also have good Henrik and Fredrik stuff.

S19E59 "Hungry Heart" - The last time Henrik and Fredrik see each other before the shooting, and it's suitably dramatic.

S19E61 and E62 "Group Animal - Part One" and "Group Animal - Part Two" - This is more of an ensemble piece than Henrik-centric, but since it's where the shooting happens and Fredrik dies, I had to include it. Plus it's also the introduction of Henrik's original male love interest John Gaskell. <3

S19E63 "We Need To Talk About Fredrik" - This episode focuses on Henrik's feelings in the aftermath of the shooting. In fact, the story is told through a framing device of Henrik talking to the psychiatrist from "Black Dog". It's BRILLIANT. One of my absolute favourites.

S20E04 "Hanssen Is As Hanssen Does" - More shooting aftermath.

S20E13 "No Matter Where You Go, There You Are - Part Two" - Henrik returns to work, has a breakdown, and ends up resigning from the CEO job. Another one of my absolute favourites. (Anything from series 15 is also a favourite, FWIW.)

S20E20 "Blind Spot" - Roxanna convinces Henrik to get therapy.

S20E28 "Into The Light" - More Fredrik aftermath/Henrik in therapy stuff. Some lovely character work, even if it is the start of the "Henrik and Roxanna were soulmates" nonsense.

S20E36 "Keep Your Friends Close" - Henrik treats a friend from the grief support group he goes to. He also tries to keep an eye on John after getting a message from Roxanna. Lots of Johnrik in this one.

S20E38 "One Man And His God" - The 1987 flashback episode. This is one of the eps I'd call absolutely essential to understanding Henrik (maybe I need to make a separate list solely for episodes you need to see to get Henrik's character, lol).

S20E41 "The Three Musketeers" and S20E42 "Stains" - Johnrik drama after Roxanna's death. I have a lot of criticisms of "Stains", but they're all to do with the writing for John - the Henrik stuff is brilliant.

S20E45 "Report to the Mirror - Part One", S20E46 "Report to the Mirror - Part Two", and S20E47 "One of Us" - The end of the Gaskell storyline. I couldn't not list these, they're brilliant.

S21E23 "In the Right Place" - Henrik's daughter-in-law Sara turns up at the hospital with her son/Henrik's grandson Oskar.

S21E30 "Don't Leave Me" - Oskar starts developing an interest in medicine, while Henrik deals with his own fears of Oskar turning out like Fredrik.

S21E33 "Work-Life Balance" - Henrik decides to go back to Sweden and stay with Sara and Oskar for a while.

There's not really anything I'd recommend after that, sadly. I mean some of the Henruss stuff might go on future recommendation lists but for now I feel like they're too recent. So I can't really be bothered to include them just yet, lol.

#asks #anons #tw;csa mention #tw;abuse mention #tw;sexual harassment mention #long post #you'll notice a lot of my recommendations are from s15 or s19/s20 lol #that's because those eras are when henrik was at his best imo #also i should really create a shorter version of this list or something to overwhelm people less lmao

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flowersofjannah · 3 years

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salaam sis, hope you've been well <3 i just needed some advice/ reassurance if you're okay with answering. I finished university not long ago and there was a guy who i had in mind to marry but didn't really tell many people about this. i wanted to do things the halal way and simply send a proposal after graduating as his character seemed good to me and unlike anyone i've met before. he wasn't arrogant and had a lot of admirable qualities from the subtle things i noticed. it's hard to fit everything into one message here but unlike anyone else i felt a strange sense of tranquility around him, humbleness, gentleness etc. In a lot of ways he seemed to be the ideal person for me and i had prayed a lot during ramadan and throughout university etc for him, if he was best for me and vv. Then when i had my mum send the proposal, turns out he got married just a few weeks beforehand. I felt heartbroken after this as ive never been interested in anyone to this degree and seriously saw myself with him. I know people may think these are just ideas but it's his character that really captured my interest from what i saw with how he interacted with other people/ me (although quite briefly over the years). he also didnt seem to interact with girls too much during university etc/ online from what i've known. ive started work now which im finding especially challenging given the jump from university, not seeing friends on a daily basis, the lack of the strong support network, not having that muslim sisterhood as i did on campus, responsibility and an overwhelming amount of work (which other people working at the same level as me seem to be fine with) etc - and i thought i was over this but every night or every other night i find myself crying about many different things including the situation with him and work related stuff, fears about the future etc. I know Allah has written everything and bc of Him ive been fine up until this point but i cant help but be scared that i wont do well in my job, find anyone who'll love me etc. i feel like i should be grateful for my life because on the outside i have everything and this is what makes me feel more guilty because i feel like being down about these things is me being ungrateful?? i feel like giving up most days and as days go by i feel like im hanging onto life my a very fine thread of hope/ just because i have to. every day i wake up and go to work and it's like im going through the motions, making small talk, laughing when i should at jokes that i dont really find funny, coming home and trying to be ok in front of my family who dont really understand the demands of my work/ how i've been feeling personally. My work setting is also one where i see a lot of unwell people and sometimes reading about their background is very depressing too and affects me a lot. also, i have younger sisters and theyre still in school (but look older than me i guess because of height etc) and whenever we go out/ to weddings, people have approached my youngest sister for marriage to their sons, but no one ever really considers me because they think im younger/ dont socialise as much etc. Of course im happy for my sis, though as the eldest it does feel strange that my sis who's still in school has people already lining up to send proposals yet no one really considers me even though im at the age where im starting to look for people. i guess everything Allah does is for a reason but i do often feel that i'll end up alone - lately ive been wishing for companionship that centers around love of Allah but im also trying to improve myself but the above has made this so hard. im not sure i make much sense here but everything feels quite overwhelming at this point. i appreciate this is a long message that's probably all over the place and you don't have to reply to this, but your words are always appreciated. jazakallah khayr for taking the time to read all of this xxx [if this is off anon please don't post]

Wa ‘alaykum assalam sister, alhumdulilah I’m well. I do apologize I took a while to answer you :( <3

Hmm, you know sis, we humans always want more, you aren’t alone in that. Our challenge is to be happy with what we have and then there is no harm in hoping for more. It is a hard challenge. Having a good social life and being surrounded by people who love you is a desire of every human. Allah created us wanting to fit in, wanting social connections. As they say, humans are social animals. It’s true. I can absolutely relate to you.

I don’t know about your religious practices, but I would suggest to increase your Quran reading (in your own language). The way Allah talks to us is so uplifting and you will come out with a stronger trust in Allah and in His plans.

Would you consider changing your career if it affects you so negatively? Perhaps it would be better to work in a profession where you don’t have to see/hear the hurting of others. It’s tough to go about your day knowing how terrible another might feel.

Sis please don’t believe you will end up alone. My last ask was on this topic too, please read my answer for that one as well (it’s right before this post!). I can understand how you feel, but we as Muslims never give up sis. Keep making dua, and search. We have so many more resources to find a partner now, use them. Try them all. But don’t get frustrated if it takes a while, for most it takes time. Tie your camel and leave it to Allah. You put in your effort, and at the right time you will find someone in sha Allah. Allah knows what we want, “Does He who created not know?” (67:14) and He will grant it to us, He tests our faith, He tests our patience and gratitude. Stay patient, He will answer your duas. Your sisters have their own rizq and timeline and you have your own. Age is really just a number in Allah’s planning. Some get married at 18, some get married at 36. Trust His timing, His plan. He will never let you down if you rely upon Him. Never ever!

If there are groups and clubs in your city, please look into that. Maybe a YM (Young Muslims) group? Or a group in the masjid? There are a lot of community groups on facebook too, you can also check the nextdoor app if your neighborhood has it. I pray Allah grants you righteous friends and spouse, ameen.

#sending you care and love <3.

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orangepeelers · 4 years

Text

pretty photographer

read part 1 here!

the biggest idiots on the surface of the planet go on a date

***

After Sirius had left, Remus sat down at his kitchen table and edited the pictures, waiting for Lily to get home. He could still barely process what had happened, with the unbuttoned shirts and tattoos and makeup... Safe to say, the editing was not going very quickly.

Lily finally got back at around 10, dragging an oversized canvas in with her bag of art supplies. Remus quickly slammed the laptop shut, where he had totally not been studying Sirius’ tattoos.

“Where’ve you been?”

Lily laughed. “Geez, mum. Had to stay late at school to work on this stupid project.” She shot a look at the canvas that was taller than she was. “Stopped by at James’ on the way home. His roommate was there.” She waggled her eyebrows teasingly.

Remus tried to sound casual. “Oh?”

“Yeah, sounds like the shoot went very well,” she said, walking to their small kitchen to brew a pot of tea. “Like maybe there will be a follow up meeting to, y’know, discuss how well it went.”

Remus got up from the table and swatted her arm. “Oh, shut up.”

“So what did you think of him?”

“Sirius?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, my great-uncle who you also met today. Yes, Sirius.”

He sighed. “Drop-dead gorgeous. Overwhelmingly confident. Tattoos and piercings and long hair... basically who I picture when I think of my soulmate. How could you not at least show me a picture beforehand?”

She smiled and shrugged. “Element of surprise. But you got his number, right?”

“More like he gave it to me while I was paralyzed with hot-guy syndrome. But yes.”

“And you’re going on a date with him?”

He sighed again. “Well, I don’t know... He’s way out of my league.”

Lily turned to face him. She studied his face thoughtfully for a moment, before slapping him across it.

Remus jumped about a mile. “Lily! What was that for?”

“You are seriously the biggest idiot I’ve ever met. You met your literal dream guy, he gave you his number, and you’re not going on a date with him?”

Remus thought for a moment while he rubbed his face. She was right, Sirius was his dream guy. And he had been flirting with him for the whole shoot... “Okay, fine. I’ll text him.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You better. You can’t go throw away James’ and my hard work just because you’re nervous.”

Remus couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course you and James are behind this.”

“Couples who plot together, stay together. Now go text him, before I drink all of this for myself.”

Remus poured himself a mug of tea before retiring to his room. He stared at the posters and photographs on his wall while he worked the nerve up to retrieve the slip of paper from his pocket.

remus: hey is this sirius?

sirius <3: pretty boy! you finally texted

Remus blushed at ‘pretty boy’. The words made him feel all giddy inside, like someone had taken his stomach and turned it into a butterfly sanctuary. He grinned as he typed.

remus: well, i couldn’t stay away from a drop-dead gorgeous model like you, could i?

sirius <3: my charms are pretty irresistible

remus: so i was thinking

remus: do you maybe wanna go out sometime?

remus: if not that’s totally fine

sirius <3: why wouldn’t i want to go out with someone as cute and thoughtful as u?

sirius <3: not to mention a very talented photographer

Remus felt so happy he could scream. Cute and thoughtful? This guy was definitely not the garden-variety Tinder hookup

remus: i can’t take all the credit for the pictures. i do have the privilege of working with some of the most attractive people on the face of the earth

remus: so how about i pick u up saturday at 7? it’ll be a surprise

sirius <3: i love surprises

remus: saturday it is :)

A smile so wide he felt like it would crack his face in half spread across Remus’ face. He couldn’t believe he’d just gotten a date with someone so... Sirius. “Lily!” He called, “Saturday at 7!”

He could hear the grin in her voice as she called back. “See? Told you!”

That night, he went to bed grinning like a fool. The next few days were torturous as he counted down to Saturday. When the day finally arrived, the hours crawled by like old slugs. His heart wouldn’t stop going 100 beats per second.

Remus mulled over what he should wear for what must’ve been at least 45 minutes. He finally settled on a thrifted green jumper and worn blue jeans, with his well-loved pair of brown converse. He quickly texted Sirius.

remus: btw i hope u like biking

sirius <3: i like anything as long as it’s with u ;)

He rolled his eyes but smiled like an idiot. Grabbing his red bag, he knocked softly on Lily’s door.

She opened it and nodded approvingly. “Here, let me take a picture so I can show it at your wedding.” Remus pretended to make a face at her but obliged, sticking up a peace sign. “Good luck with your dream boy!” She gave him an affectionate hand squeeze. “Not that you’ll need it.”

He laughed. “Thanks, Lil.” He squeezed her back before heading out the door and hopping on his bike. James didn’t live far, which was convenient for Lily, and he supposed, him as well. Before he knew it, he was knocking on their green door.

James opened the door and grinned his signature mischievous grin. “Oh Sirius, your prince is here to see you!”

“Bugger off!” Sirius quickly came to the door and gave James an unceremonious shove. He was dressed in black jeans and a Green Day t shirt, with a black denim jacket covered in patches, as well as yellow Docs. He snapped his fingers before Remus could open his mouth. “Damn! Hang on, I’ll be right back.” He rushed off quickly.

When he came back, he was holding sprigs of lavender tied with a green ribbon. Sirius smiled sincerely. “For you. Lily told me they were your favorite.”

Remus almost proposed to him right then and there. Before he could lose his nerve, he gave Sirius a quick peck on the cheek. “I love them. Thank you.”

The two stepped outside, Sirius dragging James’ bike. “Haven’t ridden one of these in years. My favorite mode of transportation is motorcycle.”

“Well, I hope you didn’t forget how to, because I have a spectacular night planned for us.”

First, Remus led them to his favorite secondhand bookshop. They locked their bikes outside and stepped in, reveling in the smell of old ink and paper.

Sirius took Remus’ hand. “This place is amazing.”

Remus looked over at him and couldn’t help but smile. Sirius was scanning the shelves hungrily, drinking the shop in with his eyes. “I’m glad you like it.” He squeezed his hand.

They wandered around the shelves, laughing at funny titles and pulling out the things that caught their eye. Sirius picked out an old book with photographs of couples in it for Remus “Because I’m dating a photographer!” and Remus picked out a book of plants, since he found out Sirius had been trying to start a garden. They paid for the books and left, Remus leading the way to their second destination.

They parked in front of a cheerful old Italian restaurant filled with warm light and people living. Remus instructed Sirius to wait outside. “I’ll only be a moment, promise!” He quickly walked in and came back out with three white boxes of Italian food.

Sirius raised his eyebrows inquisitively, but Remus only smiled. “Let’s go to the last place.”

They arrived at Remus’ apartment building. Sirius grinned. “Oh, that’s the direction we’re going in?” Remus swatted him but laughed.

“Get your mind out of the gutter. Come on.” Remus unlocked the door and they climbed what felt like eons worth of stairs, talking and laughing the whole way up. Just before they got up the last flight, Remus made Sirius promise to close his eyes. He took his hand and they walked up together.

“You can open them now,” Remus said softly. Sirius opened his eyes and scanned the area. They were on the roof, where they could see all of London sprawled out beneath them like jewels on velvet. Lights glimmered white and gold, illuminating the people and cars bustling about like small insects in a field. It was perfect.

“D’you like it?”

Sirius turned to face him. “I- I love it. This is incredible, Rem.”

Remus smiled at the nickname. “Here, help me set up.” He pulled the food and a blanket out of his bag, along with some matches and candles. They set the boxes down on the blanket and lit the candles. The air was cool enough for them to see the steam coming off of the fresh pasta and garlic bread.

They dug in, and Remus was happier than he could remember in a long time. Sirius was an excellent conversationalist, not to mention the biggest flirt he’d ever met. They talked and talked until the last dregs of sauce had been wiped from the boxes, the last piece of garlic bread split in half. It was colder now, and Remus shivered against the wind.

“Come here.” Sirius held his arms open and Remus sat between his legs, leaning his back against Sirius. His heart was beating so fast now, nestled against Sirius’ warm chest. He felt safe and his heart felt full. He wanted to freeze this moment and live in it forever.

Sirius pulled Remus closer, rubbing his thumb against his shoulder. “Can we live here forever?”

Remus put his arms on either side of Sirius’ hips and turned around. “Yes, please.” They looked at each other for a very full moment before Remus closed the distance between their lips and kissed him. It was like no kiss he’d ever had before, sweet and full of warmth. Sirius’ lips moved gently against his, and he felt his cool lip ring against his warm mouth. Remus placed his hands at the nape of Sirius’ neck, pulling them chest to chest and curving his legs around his lower back. Sirius’ hands roamed the soft regions of Remus’ jumper. They pulled apart for a moment, breathless.

For once, Sirius was at a loss for words. “I- I’m... Um, I-”

Remus laughed and put their foreheads together. “Just shut up and kiss me.”

#wolfstar #WOLFSTAR FLUFF #wolfstar fic #sirus black #remus x sirius #remus lupin #mlm #mlm fic #the marauders #college au

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sapphireharrie · 4 years

Text

you would know if you stayed

the one where harry and y/n meet again 11 months after their divorce.

It was 3 am when y/n comes home with a paper on her hand, she was just back from a meeting with her attorney, sitting in Central Park alone in the dark thinking what the hell happened to her marriage, how could it come to this when she thought they both made a vow of forever four years ago. There was no argument when she gave Harry the divorce paper, it was him that asked for a divorce two days before. They have been having arguments for the past two years, tried marriage counseling for two months but didn’t work. Every time they tried to talk, it will just end in a big argument. They know all of this happened because of the lack of communication between both y/n and Harry. They both know beforehand, even from 2 months of them dating, they know both of them are always so bad at communicating, it was never a secret, but they have tried so hard to be more open with each other, which actually worked for three years into their marriage.

It was after their three years anniversary that both realized, their marriage didn’t work; falling asleep mad at each other, y/n being disappointed when Harry didn’t show up at their dinner nights, y/n being upset because Harry keeps forgetting important dates between the two of them, Harry being bored of y/n that keeps calling him to talk about their on-going renovated condo, Harry being irritated with y/n when she complained about him not being more included in their future home, and so on. When they decided to move to New York, instead of living in California and Harry sold his bachelor Beverly Hill house, it was because of y/n’s job, however it was also Harry’s idea to move. Y/n was willing to leave her job, and move to California with him. They both know Harry was never a New York City kind of guy, even though they both moved to the high-end downtown part of Manhattan, where almost all of the people that occupied the building are everyone from Harry’s league, Harry hates New York. He never talked to y/n about this because he didn’t want to disappoint her, but he’s getting fed up on how crowded and loud NY is, that he has to make up reasons to buy another house in California and keeps on making excuses to be there.

Every time she remembered about the night she delivered the paper to Harry, she wanted to scream. She wanted to yell why didn’t he fight for her? Can anything solve this? She tried so hard to keep this marriage work, she has been trying to save their relationship, but Harry didn’t seem like he was worried at all. A month and a half into their marriage counseling, Harry stopped showing up, y/n on the other hand still try to show up. She stopped after the counselor said that this is about two people; that relationship, especially marriage, consisted of two people, wouldn’t work if only one of them is trying. However, she refused to give up, she finally stopped trying when Harry came home, looking like a mess, saying that he wanted a divorce, that he can’t stand being like this. She doesn’t even understand what ‘this’ means. She wanted to scream, saying this isn’t fair, she should be the one that ending things up since she was the one trying to save their marriage, yet all that she did was nod, no words exchanged. She nodded and she left. She tried, didn’t she? If he didn’t want to fight, then giving up is the right move.

***

Five months after their divorce, y/n gets to keep their New York condo. However, the decisions weren’t decided without a fight. Y/n refused to accept the condo because Harry bought it. Her attorney then gave a piece of advice for y/n to pay for the condo, which Harry refused. They then came up with a decision that y/n paid 85% of the condo. Harry wasted no time leaving New York. He hasn’t been to New York since then, it was crowded before. Now that they have officially separated, Harry couldn’t even breathe in New York, everything has traces of her and both of them. Months after their divorce and the papers were all done, y/n was actually thinking about moving back to her parents’ house. As much as she loved New York and her condo, she also hated it here. New York is just too much for someone just trying to make it alone. She hated when everyone in the subway would look at her because they recognized ‘Harry Styles’ ex-wife’ and they started pointing fingers at her. It kind of feels the same way when they started dating, people would always stare, but in times she just started to ignore them. But now, it just felt like everyone knows how miserable she is. That is why she bought a car. Driving in New York is just straight up hell, but she couldn’t just live on taxis, it would be much more expensive, and taxis in New York are just straight up gross.

She stayed at her parents’ house for a while and then started to renovate and change everything from their condos. When she said everything, she meant everything. Nothing’s left from when she lived with Harry. She finished everything and started moving back again. Looking at her condo, she felt this is just the way she wanted it. However, she feels overwhelmed, everything just happened so quickly. That is when she decided to call Gemma, Harry’s sister. It’s hard when you have had adjusted your life to someone else’s and their families became your best friend, it is harder when they are your only best friends. Y/n tells Gemma everything, so when she couldn’t hold it in anymore, Gemma came to her. Gemma was already in New York for a few months, so when she called Gemma literally came running.

“Y/n?” Gemma came into her condo, the condo has its own lift, that’s why she doesn’t really need keys when she got the access after she rang before. Y/n doesn’t answer her call, she looks at the condo for a while, it was beautiful, but it was also empty. There was no picture at all other than a few paintings. It was really different from when y/n and Harry lived together. Pictures everywhere, of their engagements, weddings, holidays, and she even put up some of Harry’s tour poster.

“Y/n? I’m here, it’s Gemma,” she called again, but this time she heard footsteps from the kitchen and there was y/n, in her apron, ready to hug her.

“Hi, I’ve missed you,” she said while running to Gemma who immediately hugged her back,

“I’ve missed you so much,” Gemma said between her shoulders, “It smells really good, what are you making?” she asked, releasing her from the hugs,

“Your favorite, orange chicken,” She answered while they both walked into the kitchen. Y/n finished her cooking while listening to Gemma telling her about her newest project. When they finished eating, y/n washed the dishes almost immediately, refusing Gemma’s help. Gemma stood in the kitchen watching her trying so hard not to cry while doing the dishes.

“Y/n, please, just let me help,” Gemma said slowly while walking to her, shocked when y/n suddenly dropped the plate she was holding to the sink and started holding on to the edge of the sink, trying so hard not to also drop herself to the floor,

“I’m just so-” she sobbed, while Gemma was trying to help steady her- “tired.” She finished her sentence, and God, Gemma just wanted to cry right there.

“I’m tired of crying like a fucking freak every time I’m in the shower,” Gemma was trying to help guiding her to the sofa in the living room, silently cursing the condo for being so goddamn big,

“I’m tired of coming home and having to hold my breath because I keep smelling him in this house even though I tried lighting every damn candle that I have,” she continued while Gemma was still guiding her to sit,

“I’m so tired of having anxiety attacks every time I found something that belongs to him,” y/n tried to wipe her tears with the sleeve of her sweater,

“I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, Gemma. I tried so hard to ignore everyone’s pity look for me at the office. I’m tired of doing my job so fucking slow and finding a new one every time just because I don’t want to come home. Gemma, I don’t want to be in this fucking house alone,” Gemma was just nodding along, listening to every word that she said carefully while trying not to cry herself,

“I’m tired of keep wondering when did it all fell down, when did he stopped loving me, when did he started thinking maybe separating is the answer. Gosh, Gem, I’m so tired of wondering where I went wrong because he never gave me an explanation,” Gemma was shocked when y/n said Harry never gave her an explanation for wanting to separate,

“He never told you the reason?” Gemma asked which was answered by y/n shaking her head slowly, “Gosh, darling.” Gemma started to hug her again, this time she didn’t even try to hold her tears. Giving herself a mental reminder to smack her brother’s head the next time she sees him.

“Gem, I don’t know what to do, God. I’m still so in love with him, but I’m trying so hard to let go.” She then pulled away from Gemma’s hug to get herself some tissues.

“I don’t know what to say,” Gemma said, “he doesn’t really talk to me about this. I think he knew at some point that you would talk to me, he mostly talks to mum.”

“Can you tell mu-” y/n coughed, trying to correct herself- “Anne, can you tell Anne I’m sorry for not returning her calls? It’s not that I don’t want to, I just couldn’t.”

“You know you can still call her mum, right? Y/n she loves you, she was just checking up on you. She’s been worried. We’ve all been worried, you just kind of disappear.” Gemma then picked up some tissues, realizing that she’s been crying this whole time.

“Gem,” she started again, “you know I’d do anything to make him stay, right?” she asked, instead of answering Gemma stayed silent,

“But, you should’ve seen his face when he asked for a divorce. He looked relieved. At that moment, I decided to give up, because I don’t want him to be unhappy with me. So, I let him go. But, Gem, I would do anything to make him stay.” She sobbed.

“Is he also hurting, Gem? He must be, right?” she asked, but once again Gemma stays silent, doesn’t want to say the wrong or maybe the right thing,

“I know it’s mean and cruel, but I kind of hoped he’s tortured too,” she admitted while looking down at her shoes, ashamed.

“You’re not a bad person for hoping that, he left you hanging. I know for a fact that it’d be one whole lot easier if you know that he’s as messed up as you. You’re not mean nor selfish. Darling, you’re hurting, a lot.” No words were exchanged after Gemma said that, they sat there, hugging and crying together.

***

When Mitch asked him to go to New York with him, Harry almost refused. However, he also thought that maybe it is time for him to finally be able to be in New York without feeling her everywhere he goes. But that is impossible, even here in LA, he still feels her presence every damn time.

“You know, New York is really big, right?” said Mitch, trying to convince Harry to go, “there’s only like 35% chance of you meeting her. Besides, you don’t know if she still lives in New York, you haven’t talked to her.”

“I know I haven’t talked to her, but I checked her Twitter every day,” said Harry while sipping his coffee,

“That’s straight-up creepy, mate.” Mitch then sipped his coffee while looking at Harry,

“I just want to know how she is, and the last time I checked she still lives in New York and still works for the same company, she posted a picture of her in her office’s café.” Checking her social media is one of the things that Harry do to check up on her, other than calling her mum and maybe Gemma. The first time he checked her Twitter account after they separated there posted a tweet a week after she handed him the divorce papers,

‘If only I knew how you felt all along.’

Harry wanted to call her that day, he wanted to ask what does she mean, what does she think he felt? Because if he was honest, his feelings never change. He thought maybe this ‘stalking’ habit that he picks up after they separated is because he was so used to hearing her talk about her day, which one of his favorite things to do and he usually looks forward to it every day. The fact that he can no longer sit on their favorite sofa together with her legs on his lap, hearing her day at the office or just simply hearing about her favorite lunch, hurts him a lot.

The one tweet that sticks to him the most was the tweet that she posted around a month after their divorce, he almost wanted to put it into his album, but then again, he needed to let go, didn’t he? He looked at the tweet for a really long time, screenshotted it so that even if she decided to delete the tweet or even her account it would still be there,

‘unsure whether who is winning or losing, but then again, you could never win a one-sided battle, can you?’

Harry knew what this one was about. He realized that he gave up on her while she was trying to hold on to whatever it is left in their marriage. He left without giving her a reason why. Leaving her asking herself what the fuck was going on because he thought he promised her to fight, isn’t that what marriage is about? Fighting for each other. But he gave up. What kind of husband gave up on his perfect wife? She never asked for anything, hell, she waited for him while he was on tour. He gets to come home to his wife and his perfect condo. Not everyone has the luxury of having someone waiting for them faithfully when they leave for months and even years on the road.

Eight months after their divorce Harry almost called her to tell her he still loves her, that he missed her, and that he wanted to start over. But then again, does he even have the right to do that? He’s the one leaving her, he knew exactly what he’s going to lose, yet he still did that. He has no right to even miss her, he is the one to blame and he hates himself every day for it.

***

Three days of being in New York was pretty good, he didn’t really think about y/n because he always tried to make himself busy and so far, he hasn’t really had the chance to accidentally see her, and he hoped it would stay this way until he’s back to California. It was 9 am when he finally decided to leave his hotel room with his journal and laptop, walking into a small coffee shop near his hotel. He was just about to order when a smell caught his nose. He stopped for a second, there is no way this is y/n‘s perfume, there are millions of people wearing Tocca perfume, but this is y/n’s smell. He decided to look back to make sure that wasn’t y/n. But, god, does the universe hates him. He was faced with y/n, a phone between her shoulder and ear, and she was busy trying to find something in her purse,

“Y/n?” Harry whispered, but it was definitely caught by her because she stopped looking through her purse and finally looked up, “hi!” said Harry with a little squeal. Y/n literally stopped in her tracks, looking at Harry with shock in her face.

“I’m-” she stopped- “I’m gonna have to call you back,” she said to her phone and put it in her purse,

“What are you getting? On me.” Harry asked before she can manage to say anything, which she answered with “soy latte,” which she corrected after with,

“Hot, hot soy latte,” still in shock, she didn’t even realize Harry was done ordering for the both of them and now he is leading her to one of the many empty tables,

“Hey,” she said when she was finally able to process whatever it is in her head,

“Hey,” Harry said with a big smile on his face, however, it was not without a pang on his chest. This is her ex-wife, looking as good as ever, new haircut, but definitely suits her, and she is sitting in front of him, after eleven months, eleven whole months without seeing her, talking to her, and hearing her voice.

“How are you?” Harry asked. He nodded to the waitress when they gave him his order,

“I’m good,” she answered with a little smile on her face, “how are you?” she asked,

“I’m good, thank you. You look a bit busy, is it okay if we talk a little bit?” Harry asked while sipping his Americano,

“It’s New York, everyone is always busy,” she chuckled without answering his question. Harry felt another sting in his chest, thinking about how much he missed that chuckle.

“You also have been busy, I see. Another album, that was big.” She stated, Harry couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, she still keeps up on news about him, he sees.

“Yeah, it was pretty big.” He answered, and nodding for the second time to the waitress when they came back to their table to give y/n’s order.

“How’s work?” he asked while lifting his cup and sips his Americano,

“Good.” She answered while tracing her take away cup of soy latte, trying so hard not to look at him. He was startled because he was expecting a longer answer, maybe her asking him back about work.

They sat in silence for a moment, while Harry was thinking of what more can he ask so he can sit for a little while with her because, gosh, does he miss her. But her on the other hand, she was trying so hard to think of a reason to get out of his sight and this awkwardness.

“How is the final of the condo? How’s New York been treating you?” Harry asked genuinely since he never really see how it finishes up.

“Harry,” she sighed, “I really need to get going,” she said, then left him and her untouched latte before he can even stop her. He saw her walking out of his sight for how many times now, he couldn’t even count it. He sipped his Americano, and lean to the chair, closing his eyes. He opened his phone and call one of the most called contacts on there,

“Mum?” he sighed,

“I miss her.”

***

She walked really fast to her car and sit for a while. She wanted to stay. She would’ve stayed. But God, if she’s honest, she really would love to stay, catching up with him about life; asking him about his sister’s wedding, which she said she couldn’t attend because she can’t go to London that day due to work; asking him about his mum, is she well? Does she still go to the same yoga place? Is she mad at her for not answering her call and text? But good lord, she’s trying to let go.

Twenty minutes after she left, Harry got a notification on his phone. He didn’t even realize that he has been sitting there alone for 20 minutes after calling his mum. It was a Twitter notification that said y/n has posted a tweet. Harry still has her notification on, and she rarely ever tweets. He opened the app and went to her profile, it stated that she tweeted a minute ago and says,

‘You would know if you stayed.’

Another notification came,

‘You would know if you put up a fight.’

He deserved that, he knew he deserved that. And in that moment, after eleven months, he realized, what has he done?

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tactyl-ymon · 3 years

Text

DnD session recap - Storms and Sadness

Another 2 sessions in one recap in what continues to be my Clerics no good week from hell. Whole lot of emotions in this one, so fairly warned be ye. There’s two links to additional in game notes and things for some context to help flesh out stuff.

We started out hurtling down a mountain in our carriage under a heavy unnatural storm, being pursued by many demons and one of the horses snaps it's leg and the carriage tips. Eridol gets thrown into a tree and spends the next several hours heavily injured. Veiraen cuts off 3 of his fingers trying to butcher the horse for food. We manage to right the carriage and just before setting off Eridol gets the idea to leave a distraction behind by stuffing his old chain mail with a sack of rice and casting light on it which is just enough to distract the literal horde of flying demons long enough for them to make it to Eridols home town and the contingent of guards waiting along with Eridol’s mum... and his fiancé, Sutha ... and his clerical mentor, Bradul Septima sees Sutha first with his 2000 passive perception and recognises her both because Eridol just talked about her and because Eridol subconsciously uses her image as a spiritual guardian. He and Whisky start yelling "Oh you’re Sutha, Eridols fiance. He's over here. He's right here on the carriage" Sutha comes over to the still very hurt and exhausted Eridol and picks him up in a big crushing hug before asking how he could just leave like that, 4 years without a word and then show up out of the blue with these strangers going on about demons. Eridol apologises but says that this isn't the time to talk about this ... Which goes about as well as you could expect and Sutha throws him down and walks off. Eridol and his mentor briefly talk about how him coming back means things will need to be answered for and that the military will come looking for him and that he can't keep running which Eridol kind of flatly mentions he knows and that's part of why he's here. Everyone gets to meet Eridols parents which goes awfully because literally nobody in the group knows how to talk to people. Veiraen immediately introduces himself as his dad, Whisky grabs photo albums and starts giggling at baby photos and Septima goes all snitchbot and tells everyone about all the things that have happened to Eridol the past year. This commotion gets Eridols dads attention and he comes down and is immediately hard core racist towards Veiraen which Eridol is having none of and threatens to throw him through a window if he starts shit again. Big "I'm gay and stronger than you" energy from the boy. Eridol goes to sit outside to try and collect his thoughts and after a bit Septima comes out and silently sits next to him in the pouring rain. Then the demons show back up, perched on top of the carriage and screech some guttural thing that everyone in 120ft hears in their mind Having been seen the demon flies away and Septima has the idea of asking Eridol who else does he care about that might be taken to get to him and he says just Sutha. Septima animorphs into a direwolf to try and find her scent and is led upstairs to Eridols old room that she was apparently staying in but gosh darn it the door is locked. Guess how long it stays that way with Veiraen around? After a mild amount of breaking and entering, Septima picks up her scent again and takes off with Whisky to try and bodyguard Sutha. Veiraen takes a look around the newly available room and instantly zeros in on the old yellowed note that Eridol left Sutha before he ran away, a note that she had read every day to try and understand and like a bastard, Veiraen read it to himself and then just put it back so nobody would know Septima and Whisky track down Sutha in a bar several blocks away and they bond over how Eridol runs away from things and Septima pipes up saying that since he's known Eridol he hasn't run away from things and has been trying to make the world a better place and then the absolute worst thing happens. Sutha quietly asks them if Eridol came back for her, Septima being unable to read a situation says "No, he brought us here to try and find information from the religious archives" and Whisky says "would you really want him to come back for you?" So Sutha gets up to leave the bar and very clearly says for them not to follow her. They follow her. Sutha gets ready to shoot them with her crossbow and says again not to take another step towards her, she just needs time to process things. Septima takes a step towards her as Whisky is asking that they just want to make sure the people Eridol cares about are safe. Crossbow goes off and because Sutha is a military trained artillerist, the resulting explosion leaves an earth shattering kaboom in the night air. The lingering smoke parts and the crumpled unconscious bodies of Septima and Whisky barely cling to life in the city’s newest pot hole. Eridol and Sutha have a very emotional conversation over all the things he's done wrong, all the things he's trying to do better, how he had to learn how to be a person again and that he always loved her but understands why she would hate him and even if it were just for a few days he wanted her to stay here, so she could at least be safe, he'll stay away if that's what she wanted and then he tries to give her back their wedding ring and says that there is too much happening at the moment but that Eridol genuinely hoped that they could have another chance after all this was finished. Sutha stares down at the tiny man bearing his soul and it just isn't enough and Sutha says to keep it and leaves the house in a rush. In the hastily emptied room Eridol finds an old blueprint of his that she had scribbled on years ago, saying how much she loved his mind. Then morning comes and Eridol tries something. He casts detect magic on himself to try and figure out how those demons were able to track them and the brand on his side lights up like Christmas. Shades of divination, necromancy, abjuration and something else Eridol can't recognise. With that confirmed, Eridol tries something else much stupider in hindsight. He casts dispel magic on the brand. Immediate agony and the boy is unconscious Everyone hears the scream and the distinct sound of a tiny gnome falling down and runs upstairs to find Eridol white as a sheet but still breathing and the brand on his side changed from an open hand to looking curled in like it was grasping something Eridols mentor dumps a massive heal into him and Eridol tells them about what he was trying to do. Septima asks Eridol if it would be alright to try again and with a shaky nod Eridol casts death ward on himself and they try again. Septima calls on his connection to the green to help strengthen their cause and it is not enough and they all hear a very distinctly not Eridol sounding voice come out of the tiny man "By my will, you do my bidding" The brand itself twisting on Eridols side to reach out and grab Septimas arm, black goo numbly racing up past Septimas elbow before shuddering to a halt, his own will just enough to beat the influence and stop a second mark of bane appearing. The group knew about soul bound curses beforehand but one straight from a god sure is something else Stabilised and conscious Eridol asks if they not do that again for a bit and the group discusses options. Obviously this whole demon cult needs to die no matter what Eridol says about greater evils and priorities but they would like to wait a day so Eridol can get his strength back. Eridol does not like this idea, reasoning that the demons already know where they are and the quicker they can make it to the religious city the safer everyone will be while they do research into things. The group wants Eridols parents to come, but the boy knows they won't, his mother has too much work left to do and his dad is way too racist to survive the journey sitting next to Veiraen but ultimately it's their choice. His mother comes in and basically says how he is incapable of letting them through the walls around his heart and they won't go with him

While Eridol lays in bed dealing with the fallout of the last several minutes he begins writing a letter, about an hour later, everyone experiences the telltale sound of of wood and metal tearing itself apart from out in the harbour as an impossibly familiar ship appears from a rip in space, followed by a tidal wave and several finned monstrosities. The ship and all of it’s crew, including the recently departed rogue Emmi and her mother, Sharona, collide with the nearly empty dock. In the minutes it takes everyone to run down to the docks, the ship is heavily damaged by a duo of hydras that had followed them through an arcane gate.

The battle is fierce and several sailors are lost before the hydra fall, discussions are had about how the hell Emmi and her mother are here as they left on a boat half the world away like a week ago. Emmi points to a keystone her father had found ages before he disappeared that since being reconnected to the prime material plane allowed them to shift to the elemental plane of water but it had also brought this continent spanning storm with them that had been causing issues since they had left. They’ll be out of the way once the ship gets repaired and take their surviving crew to a nearby tavern to drink their sorrows and remaining brain cells away. The group makes their way back to Eridols old home, mostly empty as his parents had left to their respective jobs. Everyone piles into the living room and attempts to make themselves comfortable as Eridol trudges back up to his old room he shared with Sutha, stopping outside as he hears the frantic scribbling of quill on parchment. After a tense moment, they share a weak laugh about having the same idea and Eridol brings out the letter he had penned maybe an hour ago. Sutha reads it quietly, never looking at Eridol before collecting the rest of her things and marching downstairs, singling out Veiraen and handing him the letter before quickly hugging the drow and asking that he look after Eridol. The moment ends as abruptly as it began and Sutha leaves for parts unknown, leaving Veiraen holding yet another note from Eridol and he begins reading it. After finishing, he slowly makes his way up the stairs to the quiet bedroom where Eridol is still standing and he kneels down and hugs the cleric and after several seconds, Eridol hugs his friend back and quietly begins crying into his shoulder.

#dnd #dndrecap #Tactyl Ymon

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youmademe-stay · 4 years

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seungmin x (y/n) - oneshot

'don't you dare Kim seungmin!' you held your arms out with your hands perfectly straight, replicating the first martial arts move that came to your mind whilst staring straight into the shook boy's eyes

he slowly lifted his hands up and turned them into fists as he got into his own fight pose. 'all I said was - '

'I'm not hearing it. today was meant to be my day off, there's no way I'm wasting it on you'

his eyes narrowed at this remark. 'I love how specific your dislike towards me is, but this isn't for me. my friend asked I go with them, and I obviously can't go alone'

'you can. you don't need me to be there. what good would I be anyways?'

'(y/n)' he put his hands down and his expression changed from one of fear to one resembling the pouty emoji. 'it's a blind date. if my friend is going to be set up with someone, and I go with them, then I obviously need to go with someone else. please, help me out a little'

you looked deep into his eyes and scanned for the truth. which he was telling. you lowered your arms and stood up straight, mentally rolling your eyes at the scenario you were in

'and I'm the only girl you can take?'

'No, but you're the only girl I'd want to take on a blind date for a few hours'

'a few hours?!' seungmin rolled his eyes at your sudden outburst

'yes (y/n), 3 hours tops. seriously, is it just because you're tired or have you never been on a blind date before?'

you narrowed your eyes and glared at him, causing him to immediately drop the sarcasm and go back to pouty seungmin

'please~'

'but I'm tired~'

'but I'll be buying you so much food!'

'I have food at home!'

'we're going to watch the fireworks at the park after eating, that'll be more fun than watching some drama alone in the dark?'

you considered this and shook your head. his shoulders dropped significantly as you began to say,

'I'd rather watch my drama...'

and quickly sprang back up when you added,

'but fine. but this is the first and last time you make me go out on my day off'

he smiled cutely at you and held a hand up to his forehead, saying 'yes ma'am!' before putting his hand down and moving closer to hug you

'yeah, yeah. I know I'm amazing' you mumbled into his shoulder as you hugged him back.

he moved back and, on his way, out, shouted, 'Mr and Mrs (l/n) I'm going to take (y/n) out on a date tonight!' as he closed the door.

before you could pounce on him for that unneeded action, that you already know would be the source of your family's jokes for at least a MONTH, he turned his head and said in a lower voice to just you,

'and because it's a blind date, I'll take you to the venue, but we have to pretend we don't know each other'

you rushed to the door, but he closed it just before you could grab him by his collar. you spent about 5 seconds considering whether or not you should open the door and chase after him, but then decided against it. "he didn't even mention when we had to leave" you thought to yourself as you dragged your legs over to your closet and opened it up.

'and the venue's formal, so wear a dress or something'

you turn around just in time to see the door close again. "this bitch" you say in your head as knots form in your stomach at the thought of wearing a dress. luckily, you shaved your legs the night before, but that didn't mean shit to you since the last time you checked you only had two dresses: a bright pink one from your 5-year-old sister's Peppa Pig themed party and a black funeral gown.

you quickly began to scan through your clothes with your hands, ignoring the endless rows of hoodies and shirts that screamed for your attention, and that's when you saw it

it was a silky red gown that ended at your knees. it had no shoulders and fitted perfectly around your shoulders, without it looking like it would show too much cleavage either. the hem at the back of the dress was a bit longer compared to the front, but that gave it more of an elegant appearance. you normally would've spent a few good minutes staring at it and wondering where it even came from, but because of the fact that seungmin could walk in at any moment to drop another fact bomb on you lingered in your head, you quickly took the dress out of the closet and chose an appropriate pair of undergarments before rushing to your en suite bathroom

after putting the dress and undergarments on, you stared blankly at yourself in the mirror. "damn...I look different" you thought to yourself as you removed the clutch on your head and let your locks fall gracefully onto your shoulders and around your face.

'different, but still sexy' you gave your reflection a wink before proceeding to do your hair. once you got your hair to look classy and not like you just woke up, you left the bathroom and began to do your make up

'(y/n) we need to leave - '

seungmin froze as soon as he saw you with your mouth open as you applied your favourite shade of lipstick, and you froze when realising seungmin just walked in and saw your secret stash of makeup. although you didn't realise it, both of you simultaneously had the same thought at that moment:

"shit"

'erm, I erm...just came to say that we're leaving in 15 minutes. don't...get that on your teeth. it'll look kinda creepy' he said in a weirded-out tone before leaving. as soon as the door closed you sighed loudly and proceeded to check if any lipstick was on your teeth.

one of your favourite things to do on your days off was put on tons of makeup just for the fun of it, and seungmin knew you liked to put on some eyeliner or lip gloss every now and then - but now...you'd just been exposed. and you wrote a mental note to yourself because of it:

''if he ever uses this against me, I'm going to tell every crush he's ever had that he simped over them"

and with that thought having been memorised, you happily resumed to putting your makeup on. although you'd never really gone out with a full face, except maybe for an odd wedding or two, something kept telling you in your heart that you were going to look amazing for the date

to finish everything up before meeting seungmin downstairs, you put a cute pair of red high heels on. now whilst you were god-level when it came to makeup when it came to high heels you were below Felix's level of Korean when you first met him - and that was (no offence)...low.

you took a few steps in the shoes and managed to grab onto your desk chair before crashing onto the floor. "okay, plan two", you thought to yourself as you reached out for a comfy pair of slippers and placed them into your handbag. you stood up again, with the heels still on, and step by step made your way to the door of your room with your handbag.

'yah (y/n) we need - '

the door suddenly sprung open, scaring the shit out of you and seungmin alike as you moved back and slipped, and he moved closer and grabbed you by your elbows. when he did that, you were both in the weirdest way, frozen. he was doing a mega lunge by trying to keep you and himself off the ground, and you were stuck between saying to him "let me go" and "don't you dare let me go you asshole"

but luckily - for the both of you - you didn't have to choose. your parents, who were silently laughing and watching on the side decided to help for once and whilst your dad put an arm around your back and helped you up, your mum pulled Seungmin back so he could let you go and stand up straight without pulling a muscle

'I know you're excited to take my (y/n) out tonight seungmin, but please think about her siblings - they're underaged' you dad jokes as he kissed you on the top of your head.

'dad, this isn't something I agreed to - '

'make sure you remember to call me when you get there (y/n), and if you guys want to spend the night out, just tell me beforehand' you mum kidded. you watched your parents high five each other and rolled your eyes, not realising that seungmin was blushing like crazy at their remarks

'we erm, let's, should we - '

'let's go?' you asked seungmin, who looked like he lost the ability to speak thanks to the two comments your parents made. he nodded and you grabbed him by the arm and as you two made your way to the stairs you could hear your siblings make vomiting sounds as you walked past their rooms

once you two were in the car, you slipped your heels off and swapped them for the slippers, ignoring the fact that seungmin had his eyes on your already bruised ankles

'why wear them if they hurt you?' he asked in a concerned voice

you responded sarcastically by saying, 'why take me out when I could be relaxing after working hard for two weeks straight?'

'(y/n), don't be sarcastic with me~'

'Fine, I won't. I'm wearing them because they suit the dress'

he mumbled something, but before you could ask him, your phone rang. when you answered it all you could hear, apart from the sound of even louder vomiting, was your mother asking,

'so are you guys going to stay out tonight?'

you handed your phone over to seungmin, who took it and after waiting a few minutes, said,

'yes, Mrs (l/n) I'll make sure she doesn't fall over and break something. good night~'

after that, the two of you made your way to the venue, which you didn't realise was one of your family's favourite places to go until you were at the car park

'seungmin...'

'Yeah?'

'did you choose this venue?' you turned in your seat and looked directly at him, scanning his face for any signs of a lie. he shook his head and turned to face you and smiled

'No, but I know you like this place. my friend does too, so maybe you two will get along well'

'is your friend handsome?'

you laughed as his smiled dropped at your question. 'why does that matter?'

'because if this doesn't go well for him, I can always, you know~'

he smiled at this and nodded, 'sure, let's see how it goes'

he opened his door and stepped out, then walked over to your side and pulled it open and waited for you to realise that you had to swap your shoes once again once you did, he looped his arm with yours and the two of you made your way to the main building.

'you look really pretty, by the way' you snapped out of your thoughts when he suddenly said this.

'erm, thanks?'

'even though you don't normally...you know, have your makeup on like this, I think it really suits you. you could be a makeup artist if you wanted'

he smiled at you when saying this, which made you realise he was telling the truth. "quick (y/n) say something nice back" you thought to yourself

'your teeth look cute when you smile. do it more often'

...

you mentally face palmed yourself when hearing him laugh at this, then proceeded to mentally dig a ditch to hide in when he thanked you for caring so much about his teeth

the two of you used the elevator to go to the right floor - and to save your dying ankles - and after checking in with the waiter, met Seungmin's friend and -

'hi, seungmin! hi, seungmin's blind date!' a tall girl in a baby blue dress and 6-inch heels walked up to you two and hugged the each of you, forcing him to leave your arm for a few seconds as you hugged the girl and the anxious yet smexy guy she was with

'took you long enough' the girl kidded once all of you got to sit down. the girl and her date sat opposite each other, so you had to end up sitting with the girl and have seungmin sit opposite you.

'sorry, Ye-Na. I misplaced my shoes, so it took me a bit longer to find them' seungmin replied. that's when it hit you - the reason why he didn't answer whether his friend was handsome or not!

'so, you and seungmin are good friends?' you asked the girl. she nodded, then asked you back

'I've known him for a year or so because I work in stage production. I'm guessing you've known him for, a few days. or did he ask you out this morning?'

you fake laughed at this, making eye contact with a blushing seungmin, before responding. 'no, I actually asked him out and he rejected me. then he called me back yesterday and asked if I wanted to go on a double date with a friend of his, so I said yes'

'ooh, seungmin~ I guess you couldn't get her out of your mind, huh?' Ye-Na's date joked, nudging seungmin in the arm with his fist.

as Ye - Na and her date continued to talk and find out things about each other - since this was still a blind date - you secretly tried to change out of your heels and into your slippers. it was a lot easier said than done, since waiters kept moving around and glancing at your feet, causing you to repeatedly move back in your seat

just as you were about to give up on the idea of comfort, seungmin got out of his chair and kneeled next to your bag, taking out your slippers before you could say anything. you glanced over at Ye-Na and realised that she was too immersed in her conversation with Mr Smexy. whilst you were checking to see if they had noticed seungmin missing, you yourself missed out on seungmin taking your heels off and placing the slippers on. you only realised when your bag accidentally hit your foot as he stood back up.

you both made eye contact and you mouthed "thank you". he smiled, showing his goofy teeth, before getting Ye-Na's attention and excusing himself to the bathroom

'i have to say (y/n), I love your dress!' Mr Smexy commented after Seungmin left. 'it looks classy, but not too elegant for a formal night out'

you smiled and complimented both his attire and Ye-Na's.

'I love how you and Seungmin were co-ordinated in your outfits.' Ye-Na added after receiving her compliment. you gave her a confused look, but she didn't realise and continued to say, 'something is giving me the idea that you and seungmin know each other a lot more than what is allowed for a blind date' before you could respond a voice from behind you spoke up

'actually, you're wrong. we just happened to be co-ordinated.' seungmin said in a confident voice as he pulled his seat out and proceeded to sit down. as he sat down, you quickly scanned him and realised what Ye-Na had meant: whilst you were wearing a beautiful red gown and had a creme bag, Seungmin was wearing a dark maroon shirt with all the buttons done except the first two and perfectly un - creased creme trousers and black shoes.

'wow...' you accidentally said out loud, still immersed in his clothes. as you felt everyone looking at you, you quickly looked away from him and laughed, adding,

'I didn't even notice he was missing, I thought the chair was talking for a second!' Ye-Na chuckled at this, and so did her date, but you could tell it was just to avoid making the situation more awkward. you looked away from them at seungmin and could see that within his innocent face, he was trying so hard to not laugh

the waiters came and took all your food orders and whilst you all waited, Ye - Na decided to explain her profession and so did Dong - Mu, her date. by the time they finished explaining the history of stage production and interior design, all your food orders came.

"thank god," you thought to yourself as everyone began to tuck into their food. you checked for your napkin and found it, then peeked to see if seungmin had begun his food or not. to your surprise, he looked confused and as if he was searching for something without making a big deal out of it. your instincts told you that he was missing a napkin or something to clean his hands with, so without thinking you folded your napkin in half and held it out for him he looked at it and smiled a little before taking it. as he unfolded it, he mouthed to you "thank you"

about 30 minutes passed where there was nothing annoying you as you blissfully enjoyed your food - Ye - Na and Dong - Mu kept talking whilst eating, but luckily, they didn't include you in the conversation, and even more luckily, Seungmin knew you hated it when you were forced to have a conversation during eating time, so he didn't say anything to you either

after the main meals were done, you were informed by the head of the restaurant that it was officially 8:00 pm, which meant that it was officially dancing and drinking time!

you obviously knew what this meant, but since it was Dong - Mu's first time at the restaurant you explained to him

'before 8:00 pm the waiters only hand out water and sodas as drinks, but now they're going to allow people to have wine or vodka. that's the drinking part. if anyone doesn't want to drink, then they can continue to eat their food and sit down or they can go dance at the front of the room' you pointed out to a bunch of tables near the front of the room and added, 'they're going to move those tables so people can dance. at 9:00, if anyone feels like singing, after checking what song it is, they will bring out a small band and let someone sing a song'

'wow, it sounds like you've been here a lot (y/n)!' seungmin said. you forced yourself to not facepalm and simply nod

'(y/n) what would be your preferred thing to do? dance, drink or sing?' Dong - Mu asked as a waiter poured him a glass of wine.

'none' you responded happily. 'when I come here with family, they all always dance or sing so I prefer to sit back and eat their food whilst they make a fool out of themselves'

'well, I think you should change that today, here!' Dong - Mu handed his glass of wine over to you, but before you could deny it, Ye - Na picked up your water glass and firmly placed the glass of wine down

'i agree. today's a date, let's liven up and have fun~' she said happily despite you looking shook af

the stealing food reason wasn't the only reason you chose to sit down; the other reason was that you were a major lightweight and couldn't stand drinking or being around drunk/tipsy people. seungmin knew it, your family knew it - goddamn, your teacher at university even knew it.

you laughed weakly for the two of them and said a simple, 'ok'

'you don't have to though (y/n)' seungmin said loudly. you looked over at him and despite the two of you being very fake the whole time you'd been there, you could feel like he was talking to the actual you, not you, you were pretending to be in front of Ye - Na and Dong - Mu. you could see the concern in his eyes, that had been there ever since Dong - Mu lifted his glass up in your direction

'thanks, seungmin. I'll take that into account' you responded with a weak, but true, smile

as the night continued, you all got your deserts and continued to talk here and there, but the level of socialness that was there at the beginning of the date was basically gone. you sensed it disappear the moment you tried to refuse the wine, and now you knew that both Ye - Na and Dong - Mu were simply waiting for you to have some wine in order to start being social again

"ah...fuck it," you thought to yourself. you looked down at your lap and sighed loudly, before looking back up directly at the wine glass, picking it up and taking a big gulp of wine

when you put the glass down you could hear Ye - Na and Dong - Mu shout in celebration and clap, but you could also feel Seungmin stare in shock at you. when defining "lightweight", if you had a chance to change the definition you would - and simply replace it with your name. it hadn't even been a few minutes when the wine was entered your body that you felt the need to have one hand permanently holding the table. you could hear Ye - Na and Dong - Mu say something about dancing and felt the shifting of seats resonate throughout your body like a large echo as they got up and began to walk to the front of your room.

as you were trying to ask them where they were going, you felt a hand hold yours and you felt fingers being entwined in yours. the fingers were warm, sweaty, and slim, opposing your cold ones. you felt another hand go on your waist as you got pulled towards something. once you felt something warm behind you, you leaned your head back and rested on it

'it's okay, I got you' seungmin's voice kept saying. you squeezed his hand tightly and giggled a little at the thought of how you must be looking in that situation 'seungminnie' you whispered.

'Yeah?' normally, he was always loud near you, to your dislike. but at that moment, his voice was so soft and quiet, you almost forgot that it was him speaking

'do I look ugly right now?'

'no, why would you?'

'because I'm...a lightweight. and I'm resting on a hippo's back right now'

you could feel him stifling a laugh as he explained. 'your head is on my shoulder (y/n). not a hippo, but close'

you giggled at this.

'you look very pretty and sophisticated' he added

'you do too~. seungminnie'

'Yeah?'

'why is my head on your shoulder?'

'well (y/n), if you want it to be on the floor, then I'm sorry but as your date, that can't happen'

you giggled again. normally, he wasn't anything close to hilarious but for some reason at that moment, the words coming out of his mouth were the funniest you'd ever heard

'i can't believe it' you whispered

'what?'

'that I'm on a date with you. that I took a sip of wine. that I think you're actually funny right now'

he chuckled at this and moved his head closer to yours. you could feel the heat of his breath as he whispered into your ear,

'I can't believe I'm on a date with you either. thank you for making this an unforgettable night. I love you'

you smiled and sat up, turning to him, and saying, 'I love you too!' before resting back on his shoulder.

after that, you shut your eyes and let seungmin tell you what was going around the two of you. somehow, Ye - Na managed to do something that made Dong - Mu upset, then when she tried to make it better, she ended up getting upset - and Dong - Mu spilt a bowl over himself, which was either all mixed up information or just the result of a very weird blind date combination

'(y/n) - ah, can I know something?'

'mhm'

you felt the hand on your waist tighten a little. 'why did you drink the wine?'

you opened your eyes and noticed your eyesight become much clearer. the wine's effect was going down. 'I don't know. I thought that if I did, the whole mood would've become better'

he sighed, and you anticipated his answer that would follow that sigh - just before you could get it though, you could feel his phone vibrate from his trouser pocket.

'pick your phone up' you mumbled as you sat up and shake his hands off you. as he did, you waved at Ye - Na and Dong - Mu as you saw them make their way to the table.

'Dong - Mu what's wrong?' you asked with big eyes, not noticing the large af damp spot on his dark blue blazer

'(y/n) do you wanna dance?' Dong - Mu asked with a sneaky look at Ye - Na. normally, you would've said no, but for some reason, you got the weirdest idea that dancing would shake you out of your small tipsy state

'sure!' you stood up and took his extended hand. just as you were about to turn to wave goodbye at seungmin, you heard a loud laugh that forced you to turn back and face Dong - Mu.

'I'm sorry - but are you going to change those?'

you looked down at what he was pointing at, and that's when it hit you that you were still wearing your slippers. your old, worn out, lemon-coloured slippers.

'oh yeah,' you giggled, hoping that this was another situation you could laugh out of without feeling embarrassed.

'I mean, if you don't want to' Dong - Mu tried to suggest whilst trying to hide his laughter. clearly, he wasn't very good at it. you dropped your smile and started to feel your cheeks turn red when he didn't stop laughing after a minute or two. you could feel Seungmin looking at you and could feel his anger level rising

'I'm, sorry - '

'don't be' seungmin grabbed Dong - Mu's wrist and pulled his hand away from yours, entwining your fingers with his as he added in a stern voice, 'she'll have more fun dancing with me'

Dong - Mu's face straightened almost immediately. 'no, it's okay I will'

'no, I will. how about you focus on the reason you're actually here tonight, which is my friend Ye - Na'

'how about you calm down - '

'how about you two go dance' you let go of seungmin's hand and smiled at the two of them, 'and I go to the bathroom?'

before anyone could object or say anything, you picked up your phone and headed to the bathrooms, your head lowered as you ignored the laughing and cheering around you from other people

once you were in the bathroom, you let out the big breath of air that you were holding in and let the embarrassment go through your mind. you brought a hand up to your eyes and took a few deep breathes and slowly let them out bit by bit until you could feel your heart rate go back to normal

"it's just a pair of shoes. everyone would've forgotten by now. after this, you're going to go home and never see these people again. except seungmin. you'll see him tomorrow and pretend tonight never happened"

you opened your phone and opened your chats to text seungmin. as you were typing out your message, you got a call - and luckily, it was from the very person you needed at that moment

'seungminnie' you called out with a small smile

'(y/n) is everything okay? do you need anything? should I ask a waitress of Ye - Na to go to the bathroom?'

'Kim seungmin'

'what, why? why do you keep saying my name like that, I'm getting worried'

'i like your name' you giggled after saying this. you weren't sure if at that moment, your mind was speaking or the leftover wine in your system

'are you okay??'

'can we leave?'

'you want to go home?'

you nodded, then remembered that he couldn't see you through the phone. 'can we skip the fireworks and just go home or something?'

'erm...' you could hear the waiter talking in the background about the bill of the food.

'seungminnie'

'I'm going to bring your stuff to you, so meet me outside the bathroom okay?' 'thank you seungmin'

after the call ended, you got a tissue and quickly dabbed at your forehead, removing the small signs of sweat that formed when you were still stressed, and once you finished you left and were greeted by a tired-looking but still handsome seungmin.

'let's go. where are the others?' you asked as the two of you made your way to the elevator.

'they went ahead because the fireworks began. when you asked me, it was after they left, so...'

'we should go?'

'I mean if you don't want to - '

'no, let's go' you looked over at him and smiled. 'let's just not be next to them as the fireworks are happening'

he smiled and nodded. 'good idea'. you felt his arm go around your waist and on a normal day, this would've been enough to earn him a jab to Adam's apple, but since that night was nothing of the ordinary, you rested your head on his shoulder and thought to yourself:

"I'm so glad you're here"

the two of you made your way to the car park like this, with his arm around you and your head leaning against him, and even when you passed random people and remembered how you were still in your slippers, the fact that he was there, right with you, calmed you down and made you feel slightly more confident about your footwear

once in the car, you guys decided to take the detour to the park, which was where the fireworks were happening. to soothe the mood and forget the annoyance that was Dong - Mu, you stole Seungmin's phone and played his playlist of rap songs, causing him to rap every now and then and when he couldn't, you mocked him and rapped how he did (just with a more nasally tone) once the two of you got there, and seungmin parked the car, you opened your bag and got your heels out.

'(y/n), if you don't want to, you don't have to wear them' he said in a soft voice. you glanced over at him and almost immediately agreed with him, but a little voice in your head tried to tell you otherwise

'but lemon really doesn't go with my dress'

'(y/n) you know that that does not matter. you could be wearing a bin bag and I'd still think you're prettier than anyone'

for a second, you felt your heart stop as you looked deep into his eyes. without realising, you smiled at him

he took the heels away from you and threw them into the back seats of the car, and brought back a black blazer

'you should wear this. it's getting a bit chilly'

before you could object, he got out of the car and closed his door. you stared at the black blazer in your hands and almost burst out laughing.

this wasn't any old blazer. this was a blazer you had made him buy for himself - the memory was as clear as day in your eyes. he used to hate wearing blazers, especially the super fancy ones, but when he got his car you forced him to buy one and always keep it in the car in case he was forced to go somewhere where formal attire was needed and he wasn't already wearing something formal

after putting the blazer on, you opened your door and joined him in the small walk to the sitting area, where many other couples on dates were sitting to watch the fireworks.

even though you weren't purposefully looking, to your delight you couldn't see a baby blue dress or dark blue suit in site. you sighed loudly in relief, because of this

'is everything okay?' you turned your head to seungmin, who was already looking very concern-fully at you.

'yup. do you think it was a good idea to ditch Ye - Na and - '

'Ye - Na is a good person, so she'll be able to deal with him. so, don't worry'

'that's good'

'listen, about tonight, I...I'm sorry for all the skinship that happened. I couldn't help myself when I saw you drink the wine - I was scared you'd faint, or do something you'd regret - '

'i don't regret drinking it' you smiled weakly as your heart pumped loudly in your chest at your sudden confession. 'sure, I regret being born as a lightweight, but if it weren't for you, I really would've struggled tonight'. you took a quick breath of air before adding, 'if it were anyone else with me tonight, I don't think I would've had enough courage to drink. you're the only guy that I can trust enough to be around'

'what I do regret is not thanking you for this dress as soon as I saw what you were wearing' you grinned as his eyes grew bigger at the fact that you realised the truth behind the beautiful dress you were wearing.

'How did you...?'

'come on, seungminnie. you can't look at your outfit, and look at mine, and say that they weren't coordinated. when did you have time to even put it there?'

he laughed at your comment. '(y/n), when you're busy and out of your house, you only wear two or three good outfits. so, most of your time your closet is untouched'

'oof' you placed a hand on your chest and mimicked pain 'touché bitch'

'what I don't regret' he suddenly added in a more serious tone, 'is declining Ye - Na's request for the blind date'

'wait, what? why?'

'that dress...was supposed to be for our own date. I...I planned to ask you out yesterday when you'd finish working because I knew today was your free day, but then Ye - Na called me...'

he looked away from you and once again you could feel your heart pumping loudly inside of you. you tried to think of what you could say, but your throat was all of a sudden, too dry.

'i really, really like you (y/n). you're a good person to me, and I feel like if I didn't have anyone in my life but you, then it would still be a life worth living.' 'seungminnie...'

'I know, maybe you have different opinions about me. and I will respect them - '

'Kim seungmin.' he looked up and straight into your eyes at the sudden declaration of his name, as if he'd never hear you say it before. 'do you think, that for any other guy I would've sacrificed my day off? that, for any other guy I would have put on my good makeup, my good but impractical heels, and used my good bag? for any other guy, I would have drunk flipping wine and not straight up passed out?'

'what - '

'you're an actual idiot Kim seungmin. but so am I' you felt tears quickly collecting up in your eyes, and this time it was not due to the wine, but in fact, the truth. 'I really like you too, but I didn't even realise how much I liked you. it took me a pretty shit, bad blind date to realise it;

'When I said "I love you" earlier tonight, that wasn't because of the mood I was in or because of the wine. it was because of you'

'(y/n) I...I love you too' you noticed his eyes become a little bit glossy too and quickly put your hands on his shoulders, bringing him closer for a hug.

just before you two could hug, however, he put a hand on your face, stopping you, and whispered, 'i've wanted to do this for a long time',

before pulling your face closer to his and giving you a kiss on the lips at the first instant moment, your eyes widened as your brain couldn't take in what was happening - but then, a second or two later, your brain switched off as your heart understood, and just like him, you closed your eyes and kissed him back.

when you two broke off a minute or two later, the first time you noticed was how much he was smiling.

'why you smiling, weirdo?' you asked in a whisper

'because, you weirdo, you stole my confession. I was meant to say "I love you" first' you smiled at him, and replied, 'well you stole my day off. it's justified'

'well then, I guess this means I'm going to continue stealing them'

'if you ever steal another one of my days off, I'm going to superglue my heels onto your feet' 'deal. I'd go through that much for you. plus, I think they suit my complexion better'

you giggled at his sudden burst of confidence, before pulling him into another kiss

#straykids #stray kids oneshots #seungmin

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wolfpawn · 4 years

Text

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 101

Chapter Summary - Tom and Danielle finish the touring part of their holiday and the move on to meeting Danielle's elderly maternal grandmother.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Gaelgóir - A predominantly native Irish speaker. IRA - Irish Republican Army, a paramilitary organisation set up to fight British occupation in Ireland. UVF - The Ulster Volunteer Force, a paramilitary organisation set up by Unionists who fought regularly against the IRA. I have the grandmother written to be a lot like my childminder growing up. An older woman who had no filter, she was great.

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Tom stood at the bottom of the waterfall looking up as the water cascaded down towards them, he adored Ireland, it was official, it was so alike to home, similar foods, similar weather, yet incredibly different also. He could see why Danielle always spoke so well of her home and country, it was impossible to not love the place. He turned to see Danielle hopping from rock to rock with almost childlike glee on her face. “Having fun?” “Yes, yes I am.” She grinned back.

She was, as he predicted, quite stiff from their escapades that morning, but she had been nothing short of ecstatic since either, smiling happily as they enjoyed their holiday. “So, where next?”

“There is an old abbey not far from here, and a castle, I never got to go there, but I always wanted to.” She smiled at him, her eyes pleading.

Tom could only grin back. “You are such a nerd, come on, before someone comes and thinks we’ve lost our minds.” He walked cautiously made his way back to the path, having taken several photos on his phone beforehand of the water plummeting from the sky.

“What about you, is there anything you want to look at around here, I don’t want to dictate things and be boring you.”

“You are not boring me, I like these sorts of things, I love history and old buildings.” “Same difference, they are old because they are part of history.” Danielle pointed out. “If you rather not come, just say it, I won’t get insulted, I know that what I like isn’t for everyone, or we could incorporate a mix of things for the two of us.”

‘Elle, stop worrying, I love this, honestly.’ Tom reassured her, putting his arm around her shoulder and kissing her. ‘I swear.’

‘I suppose it’s better than a Selena Gomez concert anyway.’ She giggled as Tom looked at her bemused. ‘That was a funny one.’

‘I am glad you find my life funny.’ Tom growled.

* Tom sat staring at the old lady in the chair in front of him. He had absolutely no idea what the woman was saying, for the most part, knowing that she was assessing him in his presence.

After Kerry, they made their way to her family in Cork, her maternal grandmother was still alive, though in care in her old age. Danielle had suggested he do something more interesting than sitting with her in an old folk’s home for an hour, but Tom requested to go with her. Her grandmother did not recognise her at first, apparently, that was common enough for the older woman these days, her memory slowly fading. Her accent was strong and part of Tom was grateful that Danielle had not developed one such as it, he would not have understood a word she was saying if she had. They stayed a while but Tom needed to use the bathroom, so he went to the visitors one in the main hall, leaving Danielle to talk to her grandmother. When he came back to the room, he paused for a moment before entering.

‘He’s a bit of alright.’

‘Nan!’ Danielle laughed. ‘You’re terrible.’

‘So, are you going staying over there with him?’

‘I don’t know, hopefully.’

‘What does he do?’

‘He’s an actor.’

‘A real one or a bad one?’

Danielle laughed again. ‘A real one Nan. He’s really good. You know Hank Williams?’

‘Now there was another bit of alright, he was some crooner. There was a movie on about him recently.’

‘Yes, that was Tom, he played him.’ Danielle informed her.

‘Jesus, hold on to him Danielle, he is good.’ Danielle just laughed again. ‘Your grandfather was into his country music.’

‘Yeah, Mam said that a lot.’

‘You’re not living off him, are you?’

‘No Nan, I have my own job and house, I don’t need him to pay for things for me.’

‘Girls these days are lucky, you can make your own money and everything. Don’t depend on men.’

‘The only man a girl should depend on is her Dad.’ Danielle joked.

‘Your father was a good man.’

‘Yeah, he was,’ Tom could imagine the fond smile on Danielle’s face as she spoke.

‘Not as good looking at that lad though, if I were you, it wouldn’t be here visiting me I would be.’

‘Jesus Nan, I swear to God,’ Danielle’s words were muffled as it was clear she was hiding her face in shame.

Tom, for his part, could not prevent himself from blushing, thankful he had not been in the room when she said that particular line. Deciding to rescue Danielle and put that discussion to rest, Tom knocked on the door to re-enter the room. ‘Ladies,’ he smiled as he came in.

‘Did I hear that you played Mr Williams in that movie?’ her grandmother inquired.

‘Yes, Ma’am,’ Tom used his Hank impression.

‘Jesus, tis him alright,’ Danielle just sighed and shook her head. ‘Are you any bit of a singer?’

‘It was him singing, Nan.’

‘Was it? He’s a bit of something alright, Danielle.’ Danielle looked skyward, wondering how she could ever stop this. ‘He was brilliant.’

‘An incredible musician.’ Tom agreed.

‘He’s very proper.’ Her grandmother leant towards Danielle.

‘Nan, he is three feet in front of you, he can hear you.’ Danielle began to feel exasperated.

‘I’d say it to his face too.’

‘You literally just did,’ Danielle stated exasperatedly. ‘I give up.’

‘Your grandfather used to sing a lot.’ Danielle looked at her grandmother curiously. ‘He was the one to had me listening to Hank Williams, he was a country-style too, but he could not get the croon.’

‘I didn’t know that, I thought he just listened to it.’

‘Your mother hated country music.’

‘That I did know.’

‘Yes, your father wondered where we got her,’ Sheila looked to Tom, ‘she was more traditional Irish music, she loved Irish dancing too, makes sense she married a man from Connemara, my Daniel took one look at him and laughed, “Of course she’d go for a Gaelgóir,” he said. He’d have never thought his granddaughter would go over and marry a Brit though.’

Tom’s brows furrowed. ‘Nan, we’re not married.’ Danielle corrected. ‘And it’s not the same now as it was in Grandad’s time.’

‘Did we get back Ulster when I was asleep last night?’ Sheila asked. Danielle looked awkwardly to the far wall. ‘I am not a fool, Bridget, I know things are different. Go get me a cup of tea.’

Danielle smiled slightly and rose to her feet. ‘Sure Nan, I’ll get it there.’ She looked to Tom and indicated to the door.

Tom looked awkwardly at the older woman for a moment. ‘It is a pleasure to meet you, Mrs O’Brien.’

‘Look it, let me tell you this if I tell you no more boy, it’s Sheila, and you may be some little pulchritudinous fancy thing from Britain, but if you hurt my Bridget, I will sort you.’ She threatened.

Danielle looked at her adoringly. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll ring his Mam and sisters and they’ll sort him.’

‘You do that, I mean it now Bridget.’

‘Sure thing Nan.’

‘And for the love of God get me that tea.’

Danielle walked over and gave her grandmother a kiss on the cheek, ‘I will Nan.’ She stated quietly. ‘I love you loads, and thanks for telling me about Granddad and Hank Williams.’ She smiled sadly, before she turned and left the room, informing the care workers that her grandmother was tired but would like a cup of tea.

Neither Tom nor Danielle said anything until they got back to the car. ‘Are you alright?’ Tom took her hand in his as they sat in the car park.

‘Yeah, I just hate seeing her get worse, she is ninety-three years old, so I know it is common at her age, but she is such a character, I don’t like seeing it.’

‘I see where you get your madness from,’ Tom jested. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s life.’

‘So, your grandmother saw my work and liked it then?’

‘She loves Hank.’

Tom smiled proudly back. ‘Well, I did a great job apparently.’

‘You did.’ Danielle agreed with a smile.

Tom frowned. ‘Can I ask why would your granddad have been somewhat shocked?’ Danielle looked at him bewildered. ‘About you and I? I assume he was a republican?’ Danielle looked at him for a moment silently. ‘What?’

‘My grandfather Daniel was in the IRA.’ She admitted. Tom’s eyes widened. ‘He was involved in an incident in the fifties and well, yeah he was not a fan of British authority. Normal English people on the street he had time for, armed forces and government were something he very much did not.’ Tom said nothing in return. ‘In all fairness, Jack’s uncle was in the UVF.’

‘I don’t know what that is.’ Tom admitted.

‘The Unionists paramilitary army,’ Tom looked at her shocked. ‘Yeah, it was a two-sided thing, as wars tend to be.’

‘How do you know this?’

‘I was talking to his dad at the wedding, he told me that his brother died in the Troubles and we got talking about all that.’

‘That was anything but light-hearted. It was a wedding.’

‘It turned out to be an interesting conversation.’ Danielle admitted.

‘Your grandmother called you Bridget a lot towards the end.’

‘Yeah, she does that when she’s tired.’ Danielle’s tone was downtrodden at talking of such.

‘I heard what she said when I left by the way.’ Tom grinned, his tongue between his teeth as he did so.

‘Jesus, that woman has no filter.’ Danielle laughed. ‘I cannot even blame her age for that, she was always blunt.’

‘She likes me.’

‘How could she not?’ Danielle looked at him, a loving smile on her face.

‘Thank you,’ Danielle frowned. ‘For letting me be this involved in your life, giving me a chance to see all of you.’ Tom explained. ‘Now, to Dublin, be warned Siobhan wants to say hi,’

‘Will I drive?’ Tom offered. Danielle did nothing for a moment before getting out of the car and going to the passenger door, Tom smiling as he got out, kissing her gently on the lips before walking to the other side and getting in.

Torc Waterfall in Killarney

Muckross House

Muckross Abbey

Muckross Abbey Yew Tree

Ross Castle

The Lakes of Killarney

#I Hate You I Love You #chapter 101 #wolfpawn #tom hiddleston #Tom hiddleston fic

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goffilolo · 5 years

Text

Demise!Izuku as a Youtuber?

Yep! You heard me right. Demise server is a strange little land, full of strange little ideas, unfortunitely this one idea in particular wasn’t so little. So without further ado here’s all the shit we came up with in the server in regards to izuku as a youtuber within demise!au:

If Izuku was a YouTuber can you imagine the fucking chaos dumpster fire his channel would be

He's be like an edgy twink Jenna marbles(edited)

Doing Me time every damn day

bandit is jennas dogs

tenya is julien

He'd have weird ass videos like dipping bandits feet in red pet dye then putting a sign on him that says "you pet and you'll meet the last person who dared to"(edited)

And he's also make videos about him breaking into UA and interrupting classes and stuff

"hey gamers, today we're breaking into UA to see my boyfriend and read all of my friend's secret files"

And a video just of him filing Aizawa in weird places and at the end putting him on an inflatable mattress and watching him float away

He wakes up in Canada

They don't know how or why

He just attaches a go-pro to trash bandit and let's him run wild. He probably has a seriesJust letting him loose in weird places

DONT LET TRASH BANDIT EAT AIZAWA'S SLEEPING BAG AT 3AM | VERY SCARY"hey guys so today ill be doing the 'How many bottles of quil can i steal before i get caught by Tsukabitch' challange. feel free to make a video of your own!"

He probably dyes Bandit according to holidays and puts him as the profile picture. The kicker is, he only does it for holidays that his country doesn't celebrate

Like 4th of july

And Canada day

"Hewo soulless fuckers it is me your overlord, King of the soulless fuckers. Today I'll be going up to people in the streets and telling them that I killed God and Satan. But y'all know me, that's not enough. So I'll be asking them which one I killed first and if they get it wrong I take a shot of quil. The quil I'll be taking is the plain ol kind so don't worry your little marshmallow heads about it."

He only makes text posts in OwO speak this just makes me realise demise!izuku would make a great youtuber

He would twitch stream all the time doing the weirdest shit for hours on end

"what is up gamews! today i wiww be weviewing the new game cawwed life! i have been pwaying it fow about 16 yeaws now and i have to say it's pwetty bad my guys!"

I feel like he'd be absurdly popular and whenever someone mentions him and they look up the channel they are like "wth have I stumbled upon?!"

I'm just imagining what his front page would look like

The seasonal trash bandit profile picture, the banner would be a flaming hellscape with people he dislikes burning and trash bandit looming on low opacity in the background

(He made it so that only people who view it on TV get the full experience.)

He probably has his own segment on buzzfeed unsolved

Not talking

Its about him

The intro video would just be him staring into the camera while mixing together a horrible concoction of quil then downing it without breaking eye contact(edited)

His about section is written in 3 different types of code and it's all in owo if you manage to crack it

i love demise|!izuku as a youtube cryptid

Clown Speak and OwO speak mixed together

I feel like in the beginning Izuku was this obscure YouTuber that you only find out about if someone in the know tells you about it until a bigger YouTuber found him out on a deep dive video and just couldn't stop watching yes

i imagine once he gets big people from react channel would invite him to react to videos of people reacting to his videos

What if in one of his videos he started acting like his old self just to freak everyone out. He didn't say anything about it instead he talked about hero analysis with a bright smile and trail off into muttering a few times only to blush when he realized it. He have his hair in a ponytail with only bangs framing his face and some messy pieces falling out. Also her be wearing something plain but like old Izuku, maybe hero merch or something. The comment section was just people flipping out and shit

He never acknowledges the video after he made it

No matter how many comments he gets he acts like it doesn't exist

omg you know wha tthat would actually allign with the demise and canon swap places for a da

yand you know what that gives me a lot of feels

the millions of subscribers get to see the old izuku

Maybe after a milestone he would post a video he made in middle school of him analyzing a quirk in video format to make sure it wouldn't get destroyed

And he put a couple videos of younger him after it

But it starts being supporting Izuku

And his present and past self and stuff

PEOPLE MAKE FAN ART first Its all full of trash and memes

What if that picture of canon Izuku meeting demise Izuku was a fan art someone made of his old self meeting the new him

Kids from his class kinda Piecing together they really screwed up?Some even sending in apologies, perhaps

For mental health day I could see him posting a serious video about what he went through and his time in the mental hospital

And on national stop bullying day he would talk about his decade of abuse including the details of how the school and teachers fucked up and everything aboutbakugou

izuku using youtrube for shitposting and advocating

And for mothers day he features both Rei and Inko?

Endeavor exposure video

What if Rei helped edit or something?To help pass the time for her

Give her something to do

People love the mysterious editor

I feel like villains watch his content like maybe Dabi

rei and fuyumi sometimes make appearances

Dabi just shows up in the videos

Quickly become faves

I feel like Dabi would become a fan and start crying after seeing his mom happy in one of Izuku's videos

"...and this is rei, my hospital mom and this if fuyumi, her daughter so like my sister she helps me keep my shit together and sometimes gives me quil.."

dabi crying from seeing his mom happy in some lunatic's youtube videos

“...and this is shin, dont let the looks deceive you this man went to jail"

Shin comes in and covers the cameras a lot

FATHERS DAY IS A PICTURE OF TRASH BANDIT WITH HIS DADS VOICE SCRAMBLED OVER IT

“and this is the local florida woman and her alligator

WHAT IF BNHA VERSE HAD QUIRKLESS AWARENESS WEEKizuku would go ape shit during that week

"who needs a quirk when my dad gave me a gun!"

He would give axe sharpening tips

"Remember kids! Society won't help you, so you gotta help yourself!"

he would make 'how to cook videos' except it would only be quil combos

What if one day he just put quil in the ovenand pulled out a muffin

Remeber, don't try this at home kids." makes A horrifying quil combo "rememer never ever do this even if you have a quirk that allows it." downs the horror concoction

"so today were gonna do my boyriend does my makeup challange and since both me and tenya are dumb and know nothing i borrowed my mums makeup..."

It’s a given he’s gonna do makeup tutorials. The real question is would they be good or absolutely horrendous?

good or horrendous? Both

Amazing makeup at horrendous things? Hmmm interesting

“Hey guys today I’m turning myself into a real like eldrich abomination with the help of eyeliner and glitter!”

izuku has a whole playlist of videos dedicated to tenya and UA

theyre all jsut shitposty compilations of some footage when tenya isnt looking

Even tho it looks like he couldn't give a fuck he is very selective with which footage makes it online. He's very careful at how much is revealed and makes sure no students or secret identities would be in danger with his content

izuku isnt stupid...hes jsut having a good time

Sneaking into UA highschool by hiding in pro hero eraserhead's sleeping bag | NOT CLICKBAIT

Izuku would totally play carefree and childish games while just being Izuku

Like his animal crossing series

Fucking legendary on his channel in terms of gaming

izuku's sims lets play

it's like a 10 generation long telenovela lowkey based off the todoroki family

He has no straight sims, he recreated UA and class 1a in sims

the wedding of sim izuku and sim tenya is like the biggest party in the sim neighbourhood

He creates endeavor just to lock him in a room with 50 ovens

Omg his draw my life has got to be super depressing

He'd be super blunt and monotone during his whole draw my life going through all of the abuse and bullying that he went through because of his quirklessness and also his suicide attempt and all that jazz(edited)

izuku would paint on a potato

Izuku would make a get ready with me where he does something totally batshit crazy then ends it with "Ah. Yet another day in my life."

Izuku meets Marie Kondo

“Only keep what brings you joy”

“Well this gun from my father sure brings me joy”

Knifemaking videos but with axes

Izuku decided to do a wardrobe tour and like 4 things were bloodstained which he never addressed. The most popular comment was what happened, which of course he never answered.

Izuku does these new year (like all of the questions from last year) or milestone Q+A’s/AMA's which are basically people just asking a bunch of the things he wouldn't answer or address before. A lot of his viewers write down and timestamp when he does something and doesn't address it. If you don't you'll never hear an answer.

He has his boonk gang phrase which is probably like Bandit gang or some shit like that, which he shouts while breaking into places. UA dorm rooms, UA facility office, UA, Hero Agency’s, Endeavour's bedroom (Don't ask), etc.

He has a variety of videos where he does things from different communities. For example he has a few hair tutorial and following hair tutorial videos. Same for makeup.I feel like Izuku would also have some dresses and slutty Halloween costumes that be put on in a video all while looking like someone who just had finals and was studying for 4 days straight beforehand.

At like 4AM a thought hit Izuku to have Trash Bandit meet Kouta for the first time and learn what his sheep talks about and what he has to say. Needless to say he took his camera, went to UA, stormed the dorms, went up to the shy kid sheep in hand, looked him dead in the eye, and asked “What is my sheep saying.” bandit speaks and Kouta goes from confused and slightly scared to disgusted and horrified. What did Bandit say? Who the fuck knows…

Izuku loves analysis and while he doesn't do it for heroes anymore when he misses it too much sometimes he does it with tv shows or other things.

Idk what yet but Izuku is weirdly good at something and only showed it on camera once. (He's casually known to be a good artist) Whatever he's good at he did it once for a video and it's in one of the most popular compilation videos of him. 15 minutes of Izuku being a cinnamon roll.

Izuku has a shit ton of videos featuring the UA kids. He has some playlists dedicated to certain ones even if all you see is the back of their head.

Any proceeds Izuku manages to get (he is popular but he gets demonetized a lot) goes to different charities for the quirkless.

He made only 1 serious cooking video on his birthday, but instead of using a knife he used an axe.

He has a video called “My sharp things (tour)” where he just shows off all of his knives and axes and shit along with a massive pair of scissors he got Momo to make.

Izuku makes videos of himself destroying endeavor merch while staring at the camera.

#demise!au #bnha #youtuber!au #boku no hero academia #midoriya izuku #word vomit

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 4 years

Note

In Canada you can register to vote beforehand to make it faster at the polling station, but you don't have to. Once you've registered once you only need to again if you move. It's easier to bring your reg card and ID, but if you haven't registered you can show ID and register on site, or if you don't have ID you just need someone with you who has ID to vouch for you. I don't think it's barrier free enough, but better than requiring everyone to have ID.

Canadian anon follow-up - homeless people can arrive at the polling station and put the address for a shelter that they stay at or a community health centre or organization that they utilize the services of. If they don't have ID they need someone with ID to vouch, but many organizations will have an employee accompany voters to do so. Again, still not barrier free enough for everyone.

*********I had a bunch of anons about voting procedures - that I thought were really interesting. So I’m posting them all here

Anon 2: Always interesting to hear how voting works in other places here in Argentina is technically mandatory (except for 16-18 yos and after a certain age) but nothing happens if you dont vote. We vote in schools and you have to check online if you are in the lists to vote (80% people on it voted this year) and what school you have to vote at (usually closest to your house) and you do need your I'd to vote (and have a legal job or a bank account or just basically be a legally recognized human sadly)

Anon 3: I find the ID-discussion interesting. I'm from a country where voting without ID is unheard of (every person living here is OBLIGATED to possess a government-issued idendity card) and I'm probably just ignorant because I only know our system, but how would voting without voter identification work? Like how would you make sure ppl don't vote in place of someone else or multiple times?

Anon 4: I don’t know about Norway, but in Austria you can register your place of residence as “homeless” (you have to choose one district of Austria as your main residence district which is then also your voting district; as a postal adress you can provide the adress of any social welfare institution in your chosen district, where you can collect your mail). But yes, you’re right, if, for whatever reason you don’t register at all, you are automatically excluded from voting in this system however, I would argue that if you don’t register as resident in Austria at all you have way bigger problems than voting, because essentially you are excluded from participating in society as an “official” person. registering with the state is mandatory by law and you need the registration confirmation for virtually everything (when starting a job, getting a passport, I even needed it to get my damn library card lol) ... now that I think about it it all seems a bit “big brotherish”

Anon 5: the way elections work in poland is like this each baby born in poland has to be registered and is given a personal number that is then used for evrything: doctors insurance schools,etc. when you're registered your parents have to give you an address(it can be changed later if you move but no one checks it- my dad moved in with my mum after the wedding but still is officially registered at my grandma's house) and you're automatically on the voting list for that place once you turn 18. when it's time to vote you: vote at the place you've been registered, temporary register somewhere else, or obtain a"voting" slip that allows you to vote anywhere. you show up with your ID and they check you off the list. IDs in Poland are mandatory but you don't have to pay for them - you only pay for the picture that you can have taken at any photo studio. each small village has a voting station and elections are always on sunday. ithe system's not ideal but it generally works quite well.

Non anon 6 @mandyslytherpuff - In Aus when you turn 18 you have to register with the Australian Electoral Commission. If you are voting before election day you can go to an early voting centre or submit your ballot papers by mail. On election day you go to your local voting centre (usually set up in local public schools) where they have a register of everyone who lives in the area and they mark you off when they give you the ballot papers. You get your democracy sausage (the schools or local community groups usually put on a fundraising sausage sizzle outside the polling place, it is a time honored tradition) and go home. If you don't vote you get a $55 fine. It's seems so strange to me that the Australian system is so different when it was born out of the UK's.

********

Thanks to all anons - I really like that this shows the breadth of different voting practices and how voting practices can be affected by other societal norms (like ID cards and registration).

In both NZ and the UK, you don’t need ID to vote and there is no evidence of voter ID fraud being a problem in either country (and the Tories are thinking of introducing ID requirements as a voter supression tactic). I think it’s worth letting countries that require ID that not requiring ID doesn’t lead to huge levels of voter fraud.

#In general #I'm for the most accessible franchise #but against any form of coercion #I think resourcing voting systems can be key to that #Anonymous

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thelifeofkaiblog · 5 years

Text

Video Memories. Make them!

•*•*• 8th September 2019 •*•*•

My maternal grandmother (Nan) is nearly 91 and today I did something with her that I was desperate to do with my grandad before he passed away, but my mum and her sisters wouldn’t let me. I wanted to film him telling me things he remembered from his life. He had Dementia and I wanted to capture his stories, so I could remember them and his voice. Sadly, with the best of intentions, my aunts bubble wrapped him, whereas I was determined to keep his mind going.

I made a mix CD of old school jazz musicians and singers, which reminded him how to play piano(!) and got him tapping his hands and feet again. It brought life back into him, rather than him just sitting in his chair, zoning out. There is a bit of resentment from me to my aunts because they didn’t take my ideas or observations seriously, even though I spent the most time with him and supported Nan in caring for him (she was his sole carer), because I was 16 - 18 years old.

I can’t remember his voice and it’s heartbreaking. I remember his face and have lots of pictures, but I can’t remember his voice. I’ve been stubborn with needing a video of Nan. Her memory is getting a bit worse, but she doesn’t want to see a doctor about it, so we just keep her as active as we can. Mum and I are often trying to take her to new places and giving her food she doesn’t normally have, so that she keeps her brain learning and observing. She also gets several phone calls every day from me, my mum, one of my aunts and one of my cousins. A few others in our family call less frequently, but anything helps.

A few years ago, I filmed her reading from an old Enid Blyton book I have from my childhood. I’ve been asking to film a conversation about her life ever since. Something has always stopped her, so I asked Mum to sit with us at the beginning, to help put her at ease and give her a reminder if she struggles with any details.

What was only supposed to take about an hour took 3 hours! I’m honestly so happy with it. I loved hearing all of her stories and memories. I do wish I’d been able to do it with Grandad, though, because none of us know what his dad’s name was (he died when Grandad was about 14 - 17 years old).

I asked about 55 questions. As hoped for, she went into great detail and this will be a treasured video for me, but also potentially help/comfort her if her memory fades more over time. She is in brilliant “condition” for her age!

I asked:

- her full name

- her parents’ names and birth years

- her birthday

- where she was born (at home)

- her siblings’ names and ages when she was born

- her childhood address

- earliest memory

- which school she went to (she couldn’t remember)

- how old she was when WWII started

- where she was evacuated to

- what she remembers about WWII

- what her siblings’ jobs were

- what her first job was

- how old she was when WWII ended

- her clearest teenage memory after WWII

- when her dad passed away (when she was 18)

- her first boyfriend (“so impressed with him because he had a watch!”)

- her worst injury (“fell in tar at 6 years old”)

- an aunt who had 13 children (a few didn’t survive) and one of her daughters was raped as a teenager, so Nan’s ain’t raised the baby as her own and it was largely kept a secret, with Nan not being told until she was in her 20s

- how and when she met Grandad properly (same company, so knew of each other beforehand)

- their first date (funny story)

- Grandad’s best trait (“reliable”)

- Grandad’s most annoying trait (“usually unwilling to try new things”)

- her mother’s Parkinson’s

- how and when Grandad proposed (“we’d chosen the ring a week before and on my 30th birthday he jokingly said: will you let me put up with you?”)

- what their wedding was like, where and when (same church her parents got married in)

- what their honeymoon was like and where

- moving in with Grandad and his mum (hard woman) and leaving her mum behind

- what her pregnancy and birth of my mum was like

- what her pregnancy and birth of my aunts was like (traumatic)

- any trouble breastfeeding and how long she did it for

- funniest memory of my mum as a child

- hardest thing about raising children

- hardest thing about raising teenagers

- how she felt when all 3 daughters had moved out with their husbands

- how she felt about Mum getting divorced (emotionally abusive husband)

- how she felt when Mum married Dad

- does she wish she’d learnt to drive

- does she wish she’d learnt to swim

- does she wish she’d travelled abroad more

- what was her dream job (professional dress maker like her older sister)

- what job she did before being pregnant, after having children and just before she retired

- what job was her favourite

- hobbies throughout her life

- favourite colours, food, animals, etc.

I also asked her a few more bits and bobs. She was very open, which I’d hoped for. She had been anxious about it, but it was just like any guided conversation and she laughed a lot, with the occasional emotional question. It’s not perfect because the audio is annoyingly slightly out of sync for a noticeable portion of it, but I will be devastated if this video is lost someday because it’s so much better than not having anything.

Make video memories. It’s so important. It makes them so much easier to relive.

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creativeclaygraphics · 4 years

Text

My First Wedding Videography Gig - Starting Out as a Freelancer

Watch here - https://youtu.be/B87mE3uJ05w

15 AUG 2020

A cloudy day that turned to non-stop rain. It certainly helped with more or less consistent lighting.

PREPARATION

I've been friends with Heidi for 7 years now! It has been such a privilege and joy to shoot and edit her wedding video. I made two - the full length version was 1 hour 40 min and the second video is the highlights around 7 min.

I've been getting into videography and motion graphics in the past 2 years. I've mainly done travel videos and some graphic templates. When she first asked me to be her wedding videographer, I was so excited and so freaking out! I certainly felt the pressure of making it good. The only disappointing thing was because of Covid restrictions, my boyfriend couldn't come and film as well. It would have been incredibly handy to have extra angles to capture those expressions.

My first instinct was to jump on YouTube and search for Wedding Videography Tips and 'How-Tos'. I have looked up to a lot of videographers on YouTube who showcase their work and provide helpful tutorials. Here are a few videos with tips and considerations I found useful before the day of the wedding.

Matti Haapoja - 7 Pro Tips for Wedding Videography!

https://youtu.be/4xp31LYdcKo

Matt WhoisMatt Johnson - My Favourite Lens for Wedding Filmmaking!

https://youtu.be/AMwrYohDz00

As I was getting ready prepping with theory and strategy, there was one tip that I learned from Daniel Schiffer that I had to do. That was making a shot list. I prepared a shot list for Heidi, then sent it to her to double check if I missed anything. This was really key in ensuring that I don't miss any moment or people in the video.

Daniel Schiffer -- How I plan Shots & Transitions | B ROLL 101

https://youtu.be/3mZuJAWH1Ow

**Something to note is I did consider the issue of audio, but thankfully the ceremony was being broadcasted through zoom and they had extra cameras and audio set up, which was something I didn't need to worry about.

The next thing I did was to present the couple a few reference videos on YouTube of what style they would want the video to be. They didn't seem to fussed but they certainly liked the examples I had given them.

https://youtu.be/OUB6zKc-Tos

WEDDING DAY

This was how it all went down:

7 A.M. WAKE UP 8 A.M. LEAVE TO TRAIN 10:30 A.M. ARRIVE AT HOTEL - Film Bride and Groom 12 P.M. GROOM LEAVES HOTEL TO CHURCH 1 P.M. BRIDE LEAVES HOTEL TO CHURCH 1:30 P.M. CEREMONY STARTS 3:30 P.M. LATE LUNCH 5 P.M. GROUP PHOTOS 5:45 P.M. TEA CEREMONY

CAMERA - Lumix G85 LENS - ZhongYi Mitakon 25mm f/0.95 Lumix G VARIO 14-42mm f/3.5-5.6

The first half of the day went surprisingly smooth. Arrived unscathed at the hotel, found the bride's room no problem and began shooting while she was getting her make up done. I got some shots of the dress and rings as well. Later on the groom was ready, so I got some shots the grooms men helping the groom with his suit. Then other closeup shots with placing the handkerchief in the pocket, tying shoes. After the groom was ready, we all headed back to the bride. Heidi hid behind the door ajar and David approached and they touched hands. It was a very cute scene to film! David and the groomsmen went off to the church venue. Meanwhile the rest of the time I spent filming the Heidi's parents helping her with her dress.

All these scenes I shot using the Mitakon f/0.95 to get that awesome depth of field combined with close up shots all hand held. The plan was I would leave with the bride's mum first and once we got to the church, I would switch to the 14-42mm and use the DJI Ronin-sc gimbal. Total fail.

I spent a good 30 minutes fixing and trying to set up the gimbal....! So incredibly frustrating. I realised that I didn't bring my quick release plate and so I had to redo the entire set up. Even when I got my camera on, it wouldn't stop jittering. Eventually I got it working. Unfortunately the footage using the 14-42mm was a bit too dark, I should have realised the interior of the church wasn't that well lit. I ended up having to do hand held shots with the Mitakon during the signing and also during the first dance - which worked out really nicely!

FILMING HINDSIGHT

WHAT WORKED OUT

Preparing the shot list

Getting there early at the hotel

Mitakon f/0.95 close ups

Transitions and shot ideas - rehearsing the movements beforehand and also coming up with transitions on the spot

POINTERS FOR NEXT TIME

An extra person filming with me would be great

Seriously need to check and prepare for the gimbal set up

Account for delays throughout the wedding

Save up for zoom lenses - luckily I know the bride well so I didn't feel awkward getting in their faces.

VIDEO EDITING

Having other on going projects, I ended up completing all the vidoes in about a month and a half. I use the apps Clockify and RescueTime to track roughly the amount of time spent. I ended up doing 17-20 hours of work on editing. The wedding video took around 8 hours and the highlights took 6 hours - excluding changes.

Originally I was thinking of doing this for free for my friend, but she kindly offered to pay at a discounted rate. That made me reflect what kind of price I should charge in the future...

EXTRA FILES: - Zoom recorded video - Bridesmaid video and audio - Wedding graphics

With the combination of the zoom video files, that helped fill in the gaps that I couldn't get. Overall I'm really delighted with the final outcome of the highlights video. The only annoying aspect was the inconsistency of quality of the clips. It had been a tough process of filtering out all the clips so I began editing it in chronological order, getting the best bits. Then I was able to jumble it up to match the transitions and the progression of the story. I completed the full video first before attempting the highlights... and boy I NEEDED motivation for that. Sometimes, starting from scratch, new music and just bringing in the best clips together is just the way to go.

VIDEO EDITING HINDSIGHT

WHAT WORKED OUT

Choosing the music first

Cutting only the best clips chronologically and saving that as an original sequence

Editing based on those chosen clips

Sending a sample for the couple to check the video direction

POINTERS FOR NEXT TIME

The zoom file came as an MTS file. I now hate MTS files. That took so long to figure out how to resolve the audio. Definitely have a better understanding though now.

There were a couple of changes that the couple wanted to make, which of course is not a problem at all. Thankfully they were simple changes. But certainly always to be prepared for changes, to save and make all files in a way that can be revisited and edited.

Another thing is it made me consider how to charge if there were multiple changes needed.

THANK YOU...

for reading me documenting my first experience as a wedding videographer. What was your first wedding gig like? Or first time going out there filming and editing?

#wedding #videographer #weddingvideography #weddingvideographer #videography #videoediting #videoedit #premierepro #aftereffects #freelancer #blog #lifeofafreelancer #freelancelife #freelance #contentcreator #creator #creative #creativelife #creativejourney

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undiagnoseddrama · 4 years

Text

11. Do you need an ambulance?...

So after the freakout episode in Berlin a couple of months went past - so I’m going to tie these all into one.

Throughout the month of March shortly after Berlin I noticed the pain in my side amplify more. It was there on a daily basis! I had a lot going on with uni, final year, exams, dissertation etc, so whether it’s stress-related I’m not sure but I found the searing, burning, aching, tenderness there most of the time now. It had kicked up a notch since my episode/flare.

29.04.19 - another follow-up appointment at urogynaecology. So I had been on cefalexin antibiotics for 3 months and hadn’t noticed improvements, I had the episode in Berlin, still had uncomfortableness most days and I hadn’t gone 3 months symptoms free, which they expected. The consultant I saw was a trainee consultant so even though he was already a doctor he was new to this type of investigation. After discussing my life all over again for 10 minutes, he palmed me off with ingesting more turmeric into my diet after noticing I had previously tried D-Mannose and cranberry juice. He said he would see me in 6 months with having no antibiotics and just focus on lifestyle choices.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I had finished uni, went on an amazing girls trip with my uni girlies and throughout the whole time I was FINE! Not amazing but fine! Obviously there was some uncomfortableness and the pain in my side doesn’t count as fine anyway haha😂 so skipping these boring ‘good’ times.

This does show stress is one of my major factors though! Doctors have told me to reduce stress but with uni and work this is physically impossible!🙄

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29.06.19 - I travelled to the cotswolds in the south of England for my cousin’s wedding. I was panicking at the thought! The last wedding was hell so I mentally and physically prepped everything I could to avoid an episode.

It was the night before my 21st and I was loving life, I was surrounded by all my amazing family, dressed up and went for a lovely meal with my best💖 I also found out my brother and sister-in-law were having a baby! A little miracle✨

30.06.19 - My 21st!💖✨🎉💖✨🎉💖✨🎉💖

I woke up with gifts, cards and champagne what more could you ask for! Then had to get ready for my cousins wedding in the countryside!

I had felt a little on and off all day, some uncomfortableness but I was not letting that stop me I was 21 so the party began! Including cutting my foot on broken glass I didn’t even know happened but hey ho😂 P.S. a lot of birthday shots were involved.

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02.07.19 - So after a weekend of celebrations, my body gave me a big telling off!

The pain in my side became unbearable I say around a 7/10 compared to other pain I’ve been in before, however, I was struggling to breathe because it was in my back, radiating down to my hips all on my left side. The pain was hot and searing and became really uncomfortable.

04.07.19 - So the pain in my side had been there for 2 days straight! Something didn’t feel right at all😭 I got an emergency GP appointment and completed lots of different tests. All clear. I went to do a fresh samples for her, fine beforehand but going the toilet made the pains worse all over my

body to the point I had to stand up for the rest of the appointment. When she examined my abdomen she pressed my side and I almost shot off the bed in agony😩 she suspected I had kidney stones and wanted to send me to hospital straight away.

She rang Whiston hospital which is closest to my doctors and spoke to an emergency ward but not A&E🤷🏻‍♀️ I thought this meant I was seeing a doctor straight away rather than sitting in A&E. Whilst this was happening I was pacing the floor😖 She printed off the sheet including the details and a letter from her and then turned around and asked me “Do you need an ambulance?” She was not convinced I was okay.

I immediately said no, even though I was in so much pain I thought it was a waste of resources, someone else might need that before me! So I got in my car, rang my dad (so my mum wouldn’t freak out) and drove to Whiston hospital😑

It was a painful car ride. I eventually managed to find the ward, halfway across the hospital and checked in. Sat in a tiny waiting room and actually began to cry in the corner, trying to avoid anyone looking because I was in so much pain and didn’t know why😭

My phone also died, I had managed to text my dad the ward before it did but it felt like a lifetime before he arrived.

He eventually found me and we waited for the ‘appointment time’ 5:40pm bearing in mind I got there at 5pm because I just drove straight from the doctors.

We were seen at 12am that night.

I wasn’t given any pain relief in this time, I vomited 4 times with the pain, paced the floor a thousand times, sat down, stood up etc etc, until we were the last ones in the waiting room and my dad went to the nurses station to ask for some pain relief immediately.

A nurse came back and said they will have to wait but to do a urine sample and blood while we wait, this could’ve all been done in the time I was waiting😭 She took my bloods in that waiting room of all places and eventually the registrar doctor saw me. She was the only doctor on shift between this ward and A&E so she had to prioritise cases. Literally shows how crippling the NHS is.

The whole examination all over again, I actually near hit this lady when she touched my side with how much pain I was in, again jumping off the bed. A nurse also came in at this point to give me two cocodamol to take to ease the pain.

She sent me for x-ray to check for kidney stones, because I’ve had too many CTs, whilst they waiting for bloods. The x-ray was downstairs and literally took two seconds!

Back upstairs to wait and the cocodamol started to kick in😍🤪 I have never had this strong of a painkiller before. It was heaven😍 I could feel the pain slipping away from me, absolute bliss🤣

The doctor said I had some constipation after the x-ray results came back and could not see anything else. She said even though it does cause pain she was not convinced this was the ONLY reason for me literally jumping off the bed in pain and I had been the toilet that day too🧐She also said I couldn’t be constipated every day (I’m quite regular💩) so still doesn’t explain the pain I have.

Because I was under investigation at the Women’s they gave me the choice of either staying in overnight to do extra tests in the morning or come back and get an ultrasound to check everything else.

I was literally waiting with people who were just waiting for a bed on this ward. Again I was not going to take advantage and waste resources so I just came the next day for an ultrasound.

The ultrasound was one of the most painful ones I had as she made me roll one side to the next to try and find something. Again all clear😭

I had to go back upto the ward to wait for the results, literally another 4-5hours. I exclaimed to the nurses I’m not waiting for you to tell me the same as what the sonographer has just said. She said if I left, that’s discharging myself and I wouldn’t find out either way.

So we waited and the doctor saw me quickly because they knew they had nothing to report. She said I may as well wait to see what the hospital finds and just continue with the pain medication and laxatives they gave me the night before. (Cocodamol 30/500mg, Ibuprofen 400mg and Movicol satchets)

This was such a weird couple of months and long 24 hours but just shows I don’t make it up, the doctors were not convinced, sending me to hospital and wanted to investigate further but couldn’t find anything🤷🏻‍♀️...

#uti #kidney stone #hospital #undiagnosed

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littledonkeyburrito · 7 years

Text

My neighbours seeing me naked all the time

1. What gives you anxiety? Having to go do something new

2. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? Are you kidding me, I fucking love google maps

3. Were you tired when you woke up this morning? I was when I woke up at 11, but not after I went back to sleep and woke up again at 2pm.

4. When you watch the news, how does it effect your mood? Depends on the news, but it generally has a negative impact. That’s why I avoid watching it.

5. Have you ever taken an online IQ test? What was the result? I actually took a real IQ test once but I was 11 and didn’t know that’s the test I was taking. I think the results came back as the high end of average. When I was in grade 5 I was almost constantly fighting with my best friend at the time, Dylan. It was stressing me out so I asked my mum if I could talk to someone at the school for help so she set me up with one of the school counsellors, I think his name was something like Mr Zagini or Mr Zagami (I remember his two nicknames being Mr zucchini and Mr salami). Anyway, it was mostly stuff I already knew but I got to skip class sometimes for our sessions. I didn’t continue sessions with him in grade 6 (I don’t know why), but he came to me one time and was like “hey I want to do this series of tests with you, are you okay with that?” and I was like “yeah sure” so I did them. Just a bunch of little lateral thinking puzzles which I was well used to doing, due to having been part of the school’s “gifted and talented” program (the instructor of which committed suicide a few years later after the cops found out he was into child porn, but that’s a story for another time I guess) since I was 6 years old. I feel like if I took an IQ test these days I would probably come back as squarely average. I don’t feel that smart since I hit adulthood.

6. Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you? There was that one time someone broke into my house and stole my potatoes.

7. Can you hear anything right now? A group of drunk people from the bars downstairs

8. Have you ever been to a wedding? A few family weddings, yeah. Next year I will be a groomsman for my friend/old flatmate.

9. What is your favourite kind of pasta? I prefer rice noodles tbh

10. Are you proud of who you are? Sometimes

11. Would you prefer an ice cream sundae or an ice cream cone? Sundae.

12. What time is it? 12:03am

13. Are you good at giving directions? If I have a map, or know where I am, yeah

14. Do you own any Sims games? Which ones? Sims 3, plus pets and supernatural expansions.

15. What is your favourite kind of fruit juice? Probably orange

16. Have you worn a necklace today? I haven’t worn a necklace in years

17. Do your parents smoke cigarettes? Unusually, neither of my parents ever got into smoking

18. What is the color of the curtains in the room you’re in right now? No curtains. I just deal with my neighbours seeing me naked all the time

19. How many instruments do you own/have you owned? Now I just have one guitar but over the years I’ve had 2 acoustic guitars, 2 electric guitars, 2 ukuleles, a bass guitar, a glockenspiel, a full size electric piano, an electric drum kit and an acoustic drum kit.

20. What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? "Netflix”

21. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Tarantula.

22. Who’s the fifth contact in your phonebook? My aunt

23. If you had to text them something now what would you say? I would say that I’m probably coming back to australia in january and that we should have a family gathering

24. Should you be in bed right now? I haven’t had a bedtime since I was like 13

25. Do you know anyone that has the same birthday? A sort-of-friend’s boyfriend who is also the ex of the girlfriend of one of my best friends. But he’s a year or two younger than me.

26. Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? I’ve tried both and established that my preference is definitely taller.

27. Do you acknowledge your feelings or ignore them? Depends on the feeling but generally suppress, bottle and ignore.

28. When was the last time someone saw you naked? Back in panama. God, it’s been slow since I’ve been home

29. How would you describe your current mood? Is tipsy a mood?

30. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? Whenever I last got very drunk probably

31. What was the last thing you lied about? I generally don’t like lying so the last time was probably when I was telling my travel group in central america that I had never slept with the tour guide.

32. Where is your favorite place to have sex? Uhh a bed I guess. Although that one time I fooled around in the back of a car was pretty fun too.

33. Do you ever drink or get high alone? I tried getting high alone once and that was no fun. Drunk, yes, like once a week.

34. What type of a drunk are you? Happy and fun

35. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? I generally don’t tell guys that I like them. Although tbh I generally don’t develop actual feeling for them so...

36. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? I think that was when a friend had his appendix out and a group of us went to see him. The time before that was a fair bit more distressing though.

36. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? The worst is probably coke. I will never ever ever try meth or heroin. Those are just a baaaaad idea. Nothing that I specifically want to try.

37. When was the last time you were up all night and why? Up the whole night would have been my last night shift in australia. Although there’s been several times since then that I’ve been up until 3am or even sunrise on a night out.

38. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? I have absolutely no idea

39. Where did your last injury come from? Uhhh I think my last “injury” was about a month ago when I cut my thumb on a beer can. Hardly an injury though.

40. Where do you like to be kissed? Tbh I quite like being kissed on the neck

41. You have 5 minutes - grab 3 snacks from the grocery store. What are they? A bunch of mandarins, a pack of chips and a block of chocolate probably

42. Dancing, acting, and singing - which two are you best at? None of the above

43. Deep fried Oreos & deep fried pickles - would you try either? I’d try either at least once

44. Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for a potential partner. Funny and cute I think.

45. Snow or sand? Soda or juice? Cake or cookies? Royalty or immortality? Snow, soda, cake, immortality.

46. Which is more important to you: make-up or hair? Hair.

47. What is one tradition that you and your family have? Do you enjoy it? Generally my brother and I spend christmas morning at mum’s house and have breakfast with her and then head to dad’s for the afternoon/evening and have his big full roast christmas dinner with him and sometimes a couple of his friends.

48. You can go back in time & change something in your Mom’s past - what is it? I think I would somehow try to give her more self esteem as a teenager. Or maybe I’d have stopped that one boyfriend from breaking up with her to move to sydney, after which she cried for at least a week. Idk I think I’d have tried to make her see that he was kind of a douche and not worth her time because she only deserves the absolute best.

49. Money doesn’t matter - choose a vacation destination and pick your party: If money is no issue then I would travel from alaska all the way down to the southern-most tip of argentina with whoever wants to join for a section. IRL I kinda plan on travelling mexico to argentina in a year or so anyway.

50. Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? No. I mean, they’d probably be mildly confused as to why I was researching when the shower was invented but it’s not like they’d care.

51. Flip your arm over - can you see your veins? No because I’m wearing a jumper and can’t see my skin through the sleeve obvs.

52. Pick a movie at least 5 years old that you absolutely love: Love and Other Drugs

53. Do you ever buy snacks at the movie theater? What do you get? Sometimes I did in australia but I never do here. I always have dinner beforehand and then just buy a bottle of water from the grocery store next door to take into the theatre.

54. When was the last time you had to jump? Jump? Uhhhh ... I didn’t have to but I jumped off the front of the boat into the ocean while I was in the San Blas Islands off Panama a couple of months ago.

55. At what time does it start getting dark where you live? Currently it gets dark around 5:30pm

56. Which is worse: dusting or mopping? I’m not sure I’ve ever dusted in my life.

57. Peanut butter VS. Caramel - which side are you on? Depends on context but probably usually caramel.

58. Have you ever complained to a manager about anything? What was it? I argued with some bond cleaners a bit over a year ago. I didn’t ask to, but I spoke to the manager and I ended up winning the argument.

59. Any idea where the shirt you’re wearing was made? Take a guess. I don’t know, China? Actually, none of the labels seem to specify where it was made.

60. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? No because our lifestyles wouldn’t match up.

61. Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? No

62. Ever dated/kissed a someone with the name Casey, Tyler, Ryan, Jordan, Colton, Rebecca, Samantha, Lauren, Taylor, or Ashley? That’s so specific. I think I’ve kissed a rebecca.

63. Was your last kiss, standing up, sitting down, or lying down? Standing up, saying goodbye at the hotel room door.

64. Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? In general, yeah

65. Are you excited for anything? Well, I’m going to Paris next week.

66. Do you hate the last person you kissed? No.

67. You’re stuck in an elevator with one of your worst enemies, what do you do? Scroll through facebook/instagram/whatever on my phone.

68. Will this weekend be a good one? The weekend is over.

69. Do you like to listen to the radio in the car? Nah, I listen to my iPod in the car and the radio at work. I mean, y’know, when I had a car and a job.

70. Do you sleep with a fan on? I literally don’t even have a fan

71. How is your hair right now? In need of a cut.

72. Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? No.

73. How many windows are open on your computer? 1 window, 4 tabs.

74. How tall are you? ~5′3″ but I slouch

75. Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before? Yeah but tbh I don’t really understand the appeal unless you plan on fucking in the shower which sounds slippery and dangerous.

76. Is your hair clean? Almost always

77. What are you drinking right now? Nothing.

78. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Yes, unless I’m in a bus or sometimes I don’t when I’m in a country where the law doesn’t make you wear one. Eg in some countries cabs will have sheets covering the back seats so even if you want to put on the seatbelt you can’t because the clip thing is covered up and you can’t access it.

79. Does someone have feelings for you? Doubt it

80. Have you ever been cheated on? Pretty sure, yeah

81. Are you hard to please? Not at all

82. What are you craving right now? TRAVEL

83. How are you feeling right now? A bit cold

84. What color shirt are you wearing? Tshirt is orange and white. Jumper over it is grey with white stripes.

85. Who is the last person you got a message from? @aturinfortheworse

86. Are you excited for winter? Only if I get to go somewhere with snow (unlikely). I love the cold when I’m actually out and about and doing things but when I’m just sitting at home doing nothing and my feet are so cold they’re in physical pain then I don’t enjoy it so much. This is only a thing I’ve realised recently.

87. When are you at your happiest? When I’m travelling and having adventures.

88. Do you live alone? Yep

89. What do you do to pass time? Netflix, video games, tumblr 90. Do you go clubbing on weekends? When I live in the same city as my friends, sometimes

91. Twin bed, or other? Maybe a couch? What is this even asking? I have a king size bed currently 92. What are three things, that are not hygiene related you do every single day? Eat, check facebook, charge my phone 93. Are you addicted to anything drug like? No. 94. Did you pull a senior prank? They weren’t allowed at my school, but I don’t think I’d have cared enough anyway 95. Did you graduate? Highschool, yes. Uni, no.

96. Any goals? Live comfortably (with a job) in a country other than Australia, preferably a spanish speaking country.

97. Do you miss being a kid? In some ways yes, like not having responsibilities. In other ways no, like not getting laid... I mean, not that I’m getting laid now either...

98. Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious realfionship? Never had a serious relationship. 99. Do you have any tattoos? No. 100. Regrets? Nah. No point regretting things. Just learn and move on.

#Other potential titles:#suppress bottle and ignore #Is tipsy a mood?#researching when the shower was invented

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