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shoverse · 3 months

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what does love mean to you? — or, a record of lee minho's scattered and scrambled views on affection for oneself and others throughout the years.

🎧 lee minho, aged 7, audio transcript:

love? oh, mommy 'n daddy says that to me loads and loads! 'n mommy writes little notes and sticks them onto my lunchbox! i think i still have mine from today somewhere...here! haha, i always keep the notes mommy writes. i write some back too! err, just so she doesn't get mad if i haven't finished all the beans. well, it doesn't really work........do you know any ways?

🎧 lee minho, aged 13, audio transcript:

um, i think it means when you like someone loads, right? but you can also like them, uh, like-like and not love them...but i don't think i like-like anyone, not really. i love my mom! but it's different, like my friend changbin thinks he might like-like this other person in my class, i think his name is sehyeon? something like that. but there's this new person in my class, and maybe we could like-like each other if they don't already like-like someone else! um, not that i want to or anything. just a thought. yeah.

🎧 lee minho, aged 17, audio transcript:

it's kinda like...when your heart aches more than you'd like to admit, y'know? when you know you'd catch the stars in your bare hands and let them pierce your skin if someone you loved told you they liked how stars shine. oh, fuck, that's embarrassing, don't put that in. no, it's more like when, um, when you feel strongly about someone, and it doesn't have to be in a romantic way. i love my best friend changbin, but even if all the people in the world died and i would get infinite money and unlimited pizza i would not date him. anyway, i think i wanna. fall in love, that is.

🎧 lee minho, aged 20, audio transcript:

well, i met this girl, and i think she is love. um, but in the way that- well, i don't know how to explain it all that well. when something sits in the pit of your stomach but it's not fear and when something's caught in your throat but it's not tears. you get me? um, and i'm realising that it's fast, and i'm trying to keep up but it's just...hard sometimes to get us to work, to get her to listen to my feelings. maybe i feel too much? do you think so? yeah, love is hard work, but i'm holding out hope. what are we without hope?

🎧 lee minho, aged 21, audio transcript:

nothing. nothing at all.

🎧 lee minho, aged 22, audio transcript:

for me? love is my cats, definitely. please pretend i say something wise about eternal companions and hope and stars and puking out words like you'll run out of them if you stop. um, i'm trying to do this- self love? it's hard sometimes. that's all. but i know i have time. i know i'll have until the slow heat death of the universe to figure it out. or until one morning i wake up and i can smile at myself. yeah, life is good though. i think i'll stick to my cats for now. um, my hair was pretty this morning though, i gotta admit.

🎧 lee minho, aged 24, audio transcript:

still my cats, but i've made room for two more people. um, me, first of all. that one was hard, but time passes anyway. i'm still here, you know? and second- no, i couldn't possibly call them second. yeah it's, um, it's y/n. they weren't so hard. really, letting them in was the easiest decision of my life. um, but love is hope. not for a better relationship, but hope in a way where i hope that tomorrow will come. hope in a way that i hope the world is kind to us. anyway, love is slow. i mean, there's no rush. forever still has a long time to go. there is love everywhere, you know? i can feel it. this world is good.

🎧 lee minho, aged 25, audio transcript:

it's always this question, huh? no, i don't mind. anyway, there is so much love to give that i can't possibly tell you everything about love in a lifetime. yeah, love is still in y/n. i think it was always meant to be them, huh? can we believe that the world meant for us to be together? can we hope so? oh, of course we can. yeah, and i think everything happens for a reason. you weren't born as an accident, you know? this is your life and i'm proud that you're living it. oh, no metaphors this year. no, i realized that you can't really explain love in things. you can't really call love anything but love. tomorrow you will wake up and you will see there is so much beauty in life. yeah. see you next year.

📁 a/n; ANDDD SCENE EVERYBODY!!! THATS A WRAP!!! and yall dk how long it took me to find those goddamn aesthetic banners............GOD pinterest hates me i SWEAR. anyway if this flops i am officially Ending It All and Jumping. send tweet!

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xn3city · 28 days

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And finally: the one I've been waiting for, the young man whose face leapt into my mind's eye when I read @romanceyourdemons's wonderful idea about SVSSS as an American nineties TV series and led me to draw all this, your blorbo and mine: Winter Mississippi, and the useless fake silver crucifix his adoptive mother gave him.

And yes, his cutie mark is an inverted cross. He's a demon!

Notes on the supporting cast:

Pablo Escobar was still kicking around in the early nineties, and I knew I wanted the Heavenly Demons to be narcos, in conflict with the USA armed force cultivators. Huan Hua Palace's shady vibe works especially well with the CIA.

"Old Palace Master" is actually a great spy handler codename, but I was not about to give a black character a boss called "Master." I mean, you could do it in a fic. I can think of three authors just off the top of my head who I would trust to sensitively explore the hideous resonance that would give to the way Su Xiyan was abused and exploited by the OPM. But I'm not a good writer with a lot of prose to work with, I'm just a mid artist with one panel and most of it is taken up by a horny joke. I just said no.

My favorite joke in this whole thing is that the Heavenly Demons are named Jesus and Lover-of-God.

Tried to capture that devoted gege-spitting wet cat dynamic between YQY and the Original Goods.

Shen Yuan pre-novel is such a cipher. I understand that the general consensus is that he died at about around 20, but…that's not the impression I got when I read SVSSS, actually. I get it now, but when he says something about not having gotten laid for twenty years: to be honest, I read that, and assumed he was, you know, 35 minimum, and having the mother of all dry spells.

And I think it makes the story better. A twenty year old wasting his time in his mom's basement reading crap webnovels and yelling on the forums: that's just a kid having a less than maximally productive gap year! He might well have had a stellar career of his own in real life eventually! It's not super surprising that he blossomed on Qing Jing Peak! But a thirty-five year old incel NEET angrily posting in that basement….that's a man who has had something go wrong in his life. I'm not saying you can't turn it around at thirty-five, you absolutely can, but I tell you: it's harder. Something is wrong, mentally or physically or both, and in a way that leaves a mark. Fifteen years are gone. Opportunites have passed that will not return. For that guy to be handed the responsibility of Shen Qingqiu's life, and do such a goddamn virtuoso job of turning it around: that is some bestselling-loveseat-level portrayal of how a different context could pull radically different capabilities out of a person. That makes SVSSS just as much about how the PIDW!world transformed Shen Yuan, and for the better, as it is about how Shen Yuan transformed Luo Binghe and his world. And that's a better story.

It does make the relationship age gap more disturbing - but if you weren't here for disturbing relationships, what are you doing reading SVSSS?

The cell phones are of course terribly anachronistic, but here's the thing - there is no equivalent, and there's no story without it. There is no Peerless Cucumber yelling at the frustrated PIDW author for hacking out the 6000th boring papapa scene, without creators being financially dependent on direct contact and support from their fans in a way that just didn't exist in the nineties. I remember how novel and exciting it was that J. Michael Straczynski hung out on rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5; he absolutely did not have to. Eventually I decided that The Demon Heart of Winter Mississippi was, somehow, a nineties TV show about the 2010s, and everyone could have their phones. You know Minnie Liu is writing RPF on hers.

In case any of these weren't clear:

Demon Heart = Xin Mo Winter Mississippi = Luo Binghe (from @romanceyourdemons) "Don" Teófilo Lanza = Tianlang-Jun Chucho Lanza = Zhuzhi-Lang Sue Sheehan = Su Xiyan Codename: OPM = Old Palace Master Saul Czerniak = Shang Qinghua Wally Shen = Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu Julius Shen = Shen Jiu/Shen Qingqiu Adam Montague = Yue Qingyuan Helmut von Nordwüste = Mobei-Jun (from @romanceyourdemons) Shelley Howe = Sha Hualing Minnie Liu = Liu Mingyan Max Liu = Liu Qingge Néné Young = Ning Yingying Michael Ventola = Ming Fan

Fun game: guess whose likenesses I used for reference for all these characters!

#svsss #svsss fanart #sort of #scum villain's self saving system #the demon heart of winter mississippi #artbythree

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igotsnothing · 3 months

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OC QUESTIONNAIRE

Thanks for the tag, @stargazer-sims and @eljeebee! I really enjoyed reading your questionnaires! And since you both tagged me, I am going to do this for Sasha and Gideon because I'm obsessed with telling their story, and I need a little fluff for them; they've been going through a lot recently.

Gideon: Interesting! Ready?

Sasha: Nooooo.

Gideon: I'll go first.

NAME: Gideon Westergaard

NICKNAME: None (Sasha: Oh, I can think of a FEW, all of them unpublishable.)

GENDER: Cis man

STAR SIGN: I honestly don't know...and I don't really care. (Sasha: He's a virgo, obviously. Please.)

HEIGHT: 6'3 (1.90 cm)

ORIENTATION: Bi, like many vampires.

NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: Citizen of San Myshuno, member of the Forgotten Hollow Coven, originally from somewhere further north of Windenburg.

FAVORITE FRUIT: Sasha... (Sasha: SERIOUSLY? You think that's funny? F*ck you!)

FAVORITE SEASON: Fall.

FAVORITE FLOWER: Lily of the valley

FAVORITE SCENT: Cartier's Pasha.

COFFEE, TEA, or HOT CHOCOLATE: (Gideon: *Looks at Sasha.* Sasha: DON'T YOU DARE. NO.) Scotch. If good quality, I prefer it neat. (*Sasha pretends to puke*)

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: I don't need much sleep; I usually get 4-5 hours.

DOGS or CATS: *Grins broadly* My kitten, of course. (*Sasha grumbles incoherently*)

DREAM TRIP: I actually love San Myshuno. I like going to the art galleries, theaters, concert halls- all the activities the city has to offer. But if I had to travel somewhere...I like skiing. Mt. Komorebi is quite the challenge.

NUMBER OF BLANKETS: I don't really get cold.

RANDOM FACT: Vampires are connected to their covens via specific bloodlines. Gideon has a coven sire, who turned him- but the one who claims him as her "child" is his coven's mistress (more to be revealed...can't wait to share.)

Gideon: Your turn!

Sasha: Hello, nosey people! Why don't you mind your own bu-

NAME: Sasha Velky

NICKNAME: Sash. Sassy, but don't call me that ever. Loco- but only Hector gets to call me that (Gideon visibly bristles at this). And...that's it. (Gideon mouths 'kitten' and winks. Sasha does not acknowledge this and maintains a steady glare.)

GENDER: Cis man

STAR SIGN: Okay, my sun sign is Taurus, moon sign is Leo, and Aquarius rising! (Gideon: What? Was that even Simlish? Sasha: That's such a virgo reaction.)

HEIGHT: 5'9 (1.75 cm)

ORIENTATION: Homosexy (Gideon: Did you mean homosexual- Sasha: NO! I know what I said! It's a JOKE! I didn't get mixed up this time! You are so pretendcious sometimes! *Gideon doesn’t dare correct him this time; Sasha’s irritated enough.*)

NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: I'm from San Myshuno, born and raised, but my mom was from Simvlakia and I understand and speak Simvlakian a little bit. I can't write it for sh*t.

FAVORITE FRUIT: Twinkies. (*Gideon shakes his head*)

FAVORITE SEASON: Summer.

FAVORITE FLOWER: Sunflowers.

FAVORITE SCENT: (*Looks sheepishly at Gideon*) Cartier's Pasha. (*Gideon sits up, pleased*)

COFFEE, TEA, or HOT CHOCOLATE: Cigarettes. (Gideon: What happened to quitting? Sasha: I'm no quitter! Hey- don't look at me like that...I am trying. It's been three days, ok? Gideon: I'm so proud of you!)

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: I need 7-8. I'm a pretty deep sleeper.

DOGS or CATS: Yes.

DREAM TRIP: I don't know...I haven't really been out of San Myshuno. I always wanted to visit my mom's family in Simvlakia, but I wouldn't know where to begin. After she died, my father got rid of all her pictures, her papers, documents...I don't have anything from her, except for a stuffed animal from when I was really little. (*Gideon inhales sharply and his expression darkens- it begins to soften again when Sasha rests his head on his shoulder.*)

NUMBER OF BLANKETS: One? Two? I guess I get cold at night. (Gideon, knowingly: Hey- I can keep you warm at night. *Sasha, perking up*: You are a pervert! Is this a ploy to get me in your bed? Gideon: Always... Sasha: *Snickers*)

RANDOM FACT: Sasha has a green thumb. It's something he shares with his late mom. He's really good with plants.

I AM TAGGING: @agena87, @damseljamsel, @lynzishell, @alinelie (plz plz plz!), @simarcana (Alika or any of your fabulous OCs), @eslanes (love your stuff and saw you have more storytelling coming soon?), and even though @greighish is taking a hiatus, I AM NOT ! This is all optional, do it if you want to, ignore me at your own risk, up to you! ❤️😆

#tag games #the sims 4 #this was fun #DARKER #sasha #gideon #gideon is very protective #sasha is a feral kitten #i'm trying not to spoil the story #gideon finds sasha’s mixups beyond endearing #he wants to help sasha because he is very #self-conscious about his limited education #he corrects sasha because he knows he gets embarrassed #when he makes such mistakes with other people #but sasha gets so flustered #and cranky even if he secretly appreciates it #gideon finds him hopelessly adorable #and just wants to smother him with hugs and kisses

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senjusonlygirlfriend · 2 years

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Tr relationship tropes

𝑻𝒘/𝑪𝒘: 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒂 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒓𝒔, 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒇𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒇, 𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑(?)

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔: 𝑴𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒚, 𝑪𝒉𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒚𝒖, 𝑴𝒊𝒕𝒔𝒖𝒚𝒂, 𝒀𝒖𝒛𝒖𝒉𝒂, 𝑺𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒖

𝑬𝒅𝒊𝒕: 𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒇𝒕….. 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒉 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍 <𝟑

Manjiro "Mikey" Sano:

Giving very much childhood friends to lovers. You've been with him ever since Shin had died, and you became one of his support pillars. You would come over to his house talking about your day, even if you were sitting outside of his room. He's super conflicted when he realizes his feelings, you're his friend. So why does he feel a knot in his stomach when you call him a "friend"?

Talks to Draken and maybe Takemichi about it, them both telling him that he likes you. It finally clicked after that conversation, so he started dropping more hints. Sharing food, always leaning on you, randomly grabbing your hand( he says it's "make sure you don't get lost" but he really just wants to hold your hand) ect.

Mikey would be ecstatic when you start dropping hints as well, each lingering touch making his heart flutter. The two of you are super afraid of ruining your friendship, so neither of you confess until everyone else begs you to get together already.

Chifuyu Matsuno:

Cliche first meeting and love at first sight. Maybe you were working at a local grocery store or coffee shop, Chifuyu coming in to buy something. He thought you were cute and struck a conversation with you. But I think the one that would be most likely is you find this random cat (Peke J) out wondering.

Thankfully he had a collar and address on it, so you went to that place and returned Peke J to his owner. My man fell in love with you seeing Peke J all cuddled up in your arms. He was a little nervous but excited when you asked if you could visit Peke J, him of course saying yes.

Over time the two of you would get to know each other and become super close. He'd let you borrow his manga to read, shrug off his jacket when you're cold, takes you out to "hang out" and pays for everything(such a gentlemen ugh), ect. Confesses to you in a typical love manga style, him giving you a letter to meet on the roof of the school or the place the two of you first met.

Takashi Mitsuya:

Strangers to friends to lovers. He was out shopping with his sisters and Luna wandered off and got lost. You just so happened to be at the same place at the same time, finding the crying girl. You were able to comfort her, luckily still remembering her brother's phone number. He was very thankful that you had contacted him and he was able to find his sister.

He had wanted to thank you in some way, but he knew there was a chance that he wouldn't see you again. Who knew that fate had other plans? Turned out that the two of you went to the same school, making him happy since he could thank you with a gift. He had made you a small stuffed animal, you then asked if the two of you could be friends.

Once the two of you begin to be friends, you find out how much of a nice person he is. He's always pulling out your chair and pulling you back in, holding the door open, asking if you're ok and uncomfortable in certain situations. His sisters love you and see you as an older sister figure, the two of them interrupting a romantic situation or the classic 'ohhh' sounds.

In the spur of the moment he ran to your house(that was quite far) in the rain out of pure impulse because he didn't want to wait any longer to tell you how much he liked you. He was lucky that his mom was home that night to take care of his sisters. You were shocked that he ran all the way to your house, in the rain meaning he would get sick(it was worth it for him.)

Yuzuha Shiba:

Academic rivals to lovers(bonus if it's queer!!!). I had a hard time choosing a trope for Yuzuha but then an idea came to me. You and Yuzhuha had always been the top two students, her being #1 and you being #2. You had tried hard over and over again, wanting more than anything than to overcome her.

You spent countless nights over studying for your topics, screwing up your sleep schedule. You didn't notice, but Yuzuha had noticed how your eye bags had seemed to get darker, movements getting sluggish, and you sleeping during free periods whenever you could. There was one point where it was her final straw.

During PE the class was playing volleyball. You were on one team, while Yuzuha was on the opposite team. You were feeling like crap and hadn't taken care of yourself for the past few days very well and felt super dizzy. You and Yuzuha were right across from each other, the net being the only thing in between the two of you.

The next thing she knows, you crash to the floor with a big 'thud'. Of course she's the one to carry you to the nurses office, worried sick for you. Once she hears that you'll be ok, she'll let out a breath of relife and stay by your side. After you wake up she'll scold you, the two of you learning about each others headships and struggles of wanting to be #1.

The two of you begin to be friends after this incident, but the both of you still have an playful like competition for the better grades. Yuzuha makes sure you're taking care of yourself, and having at least some fun while hanging out with her. It's when she see's you having a full blown breakdown because you bombed a test is when she comforts you.

While she's comforting you, that's when she realizes that she doesn't just like you in a friend way, but a lover way. Of course she'll confess after you're calmed down, and pleasantly surprised when you say you like her back.

Senju Kawaragi:

There was only one bed. It was during an overnight school trip where the class was staying at a hotell. Of course you had to be paired with your crush. To make it even more nerve racking,there was only one bed. Senju would be confused as to why you would offer to sleep on the floor, as to not just sharing the bed with her.

You were stubborn and made the ground as comfortable as possible. After the lights are out Senju comes over to pick you up off the floor, sitting you down on the bed. Now the both of you were on the bed, facing each other. There were lots of hushed whispers of conversations of nothing.

You had fallen asleep first, as Senju admired your sleeping form. She thought that you had just looked as cute as a button! She was really resisting the urge to pinch your cheeks like a grandma. In the moring the two of you would wake up tangled in each other, with you on top of the pink haired girl.

You had tried to get up- only for a half asleep half awake Senju to pull you back to cuddle with you. She would say something corny like, "Can I be the only one to see you like this every morning?" When you nod she'll give you a peck on the cheek, having a spring to her step as she went to the bathroom to get ready.

#tokyo revengers senario #tokyo revengers fluff #tokyo revengers mikey #tokyo revengers chifuyu #tokyo revengers mitsuya #tokyo revengers yuzuha #tokyo revengers senju #mikey fluff #chifuyu fluff #mitsuya fluff #yuzuha fluff #senju fluff #mikey x reader #chifuyu x reader #mitsuya x reader #yuzuha x reader #senju x reader #tokyo revengers x gn!reader

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van-yangyin · 1 year

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15 OC Questions!

I was tagged by @bl-sims-anime, thank you so much for tagging me, your sims and stories are so awesome and I'm looking forward to reading and learning more about them. 💖 Among so many sims that @lea-heartscxiv and I have created, this time I'll choose Ryuuya Kitta from our "save" IcarRyu, since last time I chose one of our sims from our "save" JAKK. (Although it doesn't really go for separate saves since they coexist in the same savefile, but it's to understand me better).

My name is 吉田竜矢（きった・りゅうや）/Ryuuya Kitta, nice to meet you.

Are you named after anyone? A long time ago my mom got pregnant of me, she was the one who chose my name. According to my dad she said something like: Ryuu, honey. I've always told you how much I love your name and the way it sounds, haven't I? How about Ryuuya? Our little Ryuuya, with the kanji for dragon (竜) and the kanji for arrow (矢). I'm sure he'll be very strong and fast. My mom was right about me being fast but as for strength I don't think I'm that strong, my best friend Icaro is more stronger.

When was the last time you cried? When Icaro and I saw a movie, a cat died because a murderer killed it and I don't like it when people kill animals, so I got sad and cried, even though I only do it in front of people I know!

Do you have any kids? No, I'm still too young (I'm only 17 yo) to have them but I would love to run away soon with Icaro from my fathers and start our own family, as I feel overwhelmed that they are always so clingy to me, they could be called helicopter parents. Hear me out, I love my fathers they're wonderful, but sometimes are so annoying that they overwhelm me.

Do you use sarcasm? No, I try to imitate people in order to appear more "normal", but sarcasm is something I have a hard time understanding, I don't know if it's because I'm autistic or just because it's something I'll never understand without any deeper explanation.

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Their voices, I have a hard time remembering people's faces, but for me the voice is something easy to recognize.

What’s your eye color? Brown, a rather vulgar color from my point of view.

Scary movies or happy endings? I love scary movies, happy endings don't exist, only the movie ends, if you think about how their lives continue after that happy ending, it can end up being the opposite because only the movie ends, not their lives. I think sometimes maybe I'm too pessimistic.

Any special talents? Special talents? Talent? Playing the piano, I learned it in school. For now it's the only one I know.

9. Where were you born? I was born in Komorebi, but now I live at Evergreen Harvor on an apartment (Obviously with my fathers because I don't have a lot of money but I live at apartment next to Icaro, so I guess it's not too bad)

10. What are your hobbies? I really love music, nowadays I love astronomy too, thanks to Icaro who tells me about it every day because he loves astronomy since was little. Oh, of course I love legends and mythology too and also love fashion, I would like to wear at different styles and get different hairstyles, but I'm not very good at it, my mom was but she's now taking care of me from the stars, and my fathers are very traditional when it comes to clothes and hairstyles, so if they saw me wearing something didn't like, they would be upset. Another reason why I wish I could already have my own life. Oh, I almost forget it I also love to make cosplay as my favorite characters or of people who make awesome costumes or who for me are really an inspiration, like Sora my schoolmate or Prompto, the friend of prince Noctis from the continent of Eos that I had the chance to see him once, he takes wonderfuls photos.

11. Have any pets? No, in the apartments we have we aren't allowed to have pets, but I'll really love to have cats, a lot of cats, because I really love cats, tho Icaro is like a dog, so I think maybe I have a human dog pet.

12. What sports do you play/have played? Baseball, I'm really good at it, but my fathers put so much pressure on me that over the years more than having fun it overwhelms me, so at the end I ended up quitting. I've also tried surfing and skateboarding thanks to Icaro, but it seems that I'm better at running than holding myself on a board, although that doesn't mean I won't try it again, because I would really like to have a personalized surfboard or skateboard with many cats as graffiti, yes, probably more because you can customize the accessories, but I'll always have Icaro to hold me if I'm going to fall, which sounds pretty nice. Although I must clarify something, games where the ball is the main focus such as soccer or basketball among others, I'm not good at all. Running and using the ball are not my strongest suit. In the case of baseball it's different, because I can analyze where the ball will go and hit it with the bat or throw it with spin so that the opposing player can't hit it, that's why I liked it so much.

13. How tall are you? The last time I measured my height I was 1.67cm/5' 6".

14. Favorite subject in school? Music, I love to play piano at school.

15. Dream Job? I would love to be able to work on something awesome, but I'm an ordinary person so I would just like to be able to live day to day. Icaro's cousin Marena would like me to be her model in the future, because she wants to be a designer and likes to see how I try on the clothes she makes, but I'm not so sure, I don't think I have the personality of a model.

~⭐️~

I'm always too shy to write to people, so I'm quietly going to tag the following people, although feel free not to do so if you don't want to, or not to do so if you have already been tagged and have already done so, I really love to know more about one of your sims: @lea-heartscxiv, @simsfurr, @mocham-sims, @iowaisms/@freedomending (You can do it about any of your system members if you want, if it doesn't make you uncomfortable of course, if it's rude then please ignore my tag 🙇💦), @falsogod, @raccoonium, @void-imp, @saruin, @pralinesims, @fuku0330, @nonocanflog, @atelier-saramaro, @plantsasasim, @simmireen, @xxxtaiyaki, @sunseekersims, @simandy, @crazy-lazy-elder-sims, @bnt0, @kyou-sims4, @lu-simblr, @stargazer-sims

翻訳：私は次の人々をタグ付けするつもりです、みなさんがしたくない場合はそうしないか、すでにタグ付けされている場合はそうしないように自由に感じるが、私は本当にみなさんのシムのいずれかについての詳細を知ることが大好きです🙇💕また、ここに書かれている質問についてわからないけど聞いてみたいという方も気軽に聞いてみてください💖

#sims 4 #OC: Ryuuya Kitta #ocs: IcarRyu #our sims #my sims #lea-heartscxiv #van-yangyin

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ghostrot12343 · 5 months

Text

A self-indulgent ramble about my playthrough of Scarlet Hollow

I'm mostly writting this as an attempt to get these thoughts out of my head. Spoliers below.

So, I decided to try playing basically myself but more well read (Book Smart) and with the ability to talk to animals. Yes, my first D&D PC was a druid, how did you know? I did as much as I could to ignore bus guy, and I don't like peanuts, so on the bus they remained.

Upon meeting Tabitha, I did break my rule of offering a hug to someone lest they reject it, and reject it she did. So that stung. And in the car, Tabitha's statement about "emotional maturity" did nothing to convince me of anything but her own trauma.

After getting settled in, it was nice to meet Dustin and give him some nesting materials. And as I mentioned, I don't like peanuts, so there's nothing to eat in the house, and I didn't want to break Tabitha's trust immediately, so while I wanted to explore the house, I decided to leave that for later in the week and left the house.

Gretchen is delight and a fantastic friend. Frou-frou is fine, I can respect her need for space, but I'm definitely a dog over cat person. Having a gluten allergy, the diner is a reminder of how unaccommodating places outside NZ were of that, but I've not eaten all day and I'd suffer the headaches for at least something to eat that doesn't contain peanuts.

Meeting Duke with Stella, I told him not to shoot the mountain lions, and uh, well, I had accidentally skipped why he was asking for the flashlight and decided to go save Gretchen who I knew would be killed by the ditchlings like all the other animals we'd seen (also, it was weird that the game tried to suggest the deer's obvious statment on its affliction and warning was a threat?), and as the achievement states, Duke had poor trigger discipline.

Meet Kaneeka & Sybil, but I'm 90% sure I also went back to the estate that night.

The fact that we saw supernatural beings and a man died means I am immediately unconcerned about hiding my ability, there are weirder, more off-putting things going on. One thing I regret about the library was not reading what the game had to say about Tommyknockers.

Of course I immediately go see my cousin when we get to the mine, but I don't wait after I call her about Rosaline because time is of the essence - ditchlings exist, a man died, and this shaft had a collapse that already killed children.

I'm glad no one died, sucks Rosaline lost a foot though.

Checking in on Dustin & his mom is definitely a highlight of the mornings. And I was so worried about Bo dying if I gave him his father's location, but it felt more wrong to keep it from him when the police were so FUCKING USELESS, so it was a relief when I saw him in the later episode.

Cousin Bonding Time is the best, I didn't even know there was romance in this game until hanging out with Reese, but I still would choose CB... cousin bonding time over a date, sorry Stella. And fuck that Piece-of-Shit-Karen Nancy for ruining her morning.

While I thought the pastor left an okay impression and I have no clue why other people found him so sketchy, I also didn't tell him about my conversation with the mayor because I just don't know him.

I definitely clicked that the doc was poisoning Reese even before the game gave me the ability to voice that suspicion. Also, I am still very curious as to why she seemed to immediately detest my presence.

I asked for permission to invite Tabitha and then ignore Kaneeka's objection because asking was a formality. While I didn't object to Tabitha's belief of Oscar's parenting in the car, something that I sort of regretted, and simply further questioned during our morning hangout, I was disappointed that he failed the test of letting Rosaline take part. Like, sure, her being there meant that she knew for sure that her dad wasn't making stuff up, but she also literally lost her foot YESTERDAY, what the fuck Oscar, she shouldn't be in a high stress environment. So, while I don't fully agree with Tabitha about Oscar specifically (she's right about some people shouldn't have kids, *cough* the Scarlets *cough*), he definitely needed to have picked up a parenting book about setting stronger boundries, preferrably a week ago before all this shit happened. But I digress.

Very glad that I was able to win my day in ghost court.

Strike: Told Tabitha people thought she was a hero because of e2 and to not fire Davis, that she should meet with them and after asking what it is they wanted that she should probably give it to them, whilst also being understanding of the financial difficulties of the mine itself. Didn't tell the strikers about Rodriguez because honestly, I don't know what they'd do to him and I don't want another man's death on my conscience and this is less personal than with Bo. Also didn't talk to the strikers in the diner as I didn't want to get attack and/or weaken their efforts.

I did get to go everywhere, the pastor revelation was interesting, but I misread the "this doesn't mean we're friends" and wish it hadn't been so cold, even if yeah, friendship in this game requires immense trauma and life-threatening situations, so you know, maybe Daniel shouldn't want to be my friend.

I regret drinking Sybil's tea, I don't like tea but I thought maybe her insights would be useful... which they weren't. "Oh no, your cousin is going to betray you", I don't trust that idea as far as I can throw it and since I don't have powerful build, that's not very far anyways. At least, according to the decision tree I'm using as reference, I saw more of the Enoch/Teddy interaction.

I do feel sorry for Reese, but no way was I going to let him murder Dr Kelly. That's just more trauma to endure, and also, he does literally turn into a powerful monster when emotionally distressed, so wanting to prevent that from happening is a reasonable desire even if her approach could 100% be better. Also, Sybil was not slick, I already knew she was giving the Doc the castor beans, fucking with my head was as much a confirmation of that belief as hearing it normally. Also, Dr Kelly talking about Reese's dad was really humanising, definitely made me want to chat with her more. Hopefully the game allows you to convince the pair to go about cognitive behavioural therapy / anger management without the need for pills.

Sad that I missed out more Tabitha bonding by not calling her, but I also didn't want to put her in harms unnessecarily (the mines were specifically her business, and the ghost hunting was a group thing anyway). Hope I get a chance to help her and Stella reconnect without having to try and recreate this playthrough up to that point.

And the main reason I wanted to write this:

Based on the death certificate and the vision, Enoch lied about Teddy's cause of death, and with Charlie Jr's death being connected to the sigil and Edwardine's sadness in the moment all leads me to believe that there may come a moment when Tabitha, or maybe the MC, will be tempted to sacrifce the other to secure the future of Scarlet Hollow, and I need to be able to beg Tabitha not to make a blood sacrifice of my character before it gets to that point. And like, I know that feeds into the Sybil tea thing, but that also suggests premeditation which I don't think is the case. I just don't want my character to be made into a literal blood sacrifice on the alter of capitalism when I'm already a figurative one irl.

#scarlet hollow

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invisibleraven · 11 months

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Peterpatterlina + 10, crossover, bonus points if the crossover is with one of your earliest fandoms. Plz and thank you!

After Julie lost her mom, music died with her, and thus while everyone tried to encourage her to go back to it, none of them could make it feel right again. Then they suggested finding a new hobby; painting, sports, geocaching, but nothing seemed to be the correct fit for her.

But then again, Julie didn't think any of them would have suggested her becoming a magical girl from space whose job it was to save the world from a dark universe either.

Look, the talking cat was weird enough, but then being told that she was a princess from some weird moon society took the cake. One who had lived for eons on the moon, only to have her memories erased, and everything and everyone moved here when the threat grew too great. "But-my parents!"

"Your father was of Earth," the cat-Luna she said her name was-explained. "Your mother the moon. The NegaVerse were the ones to make her sick."

Julie ran a hand over her face. "You're telling me that some big bads from some weird other world gave my mom cancer?"

"In a sense," Luna replied. "It appeared as cancer to the doctors here, but NegaVerse magic is hard to detect, even with our advanced technology. You are the only one of our kind left on this planet, so it is up to you to avenge our queen and reclaim the throne."

"This is like, way too much for me," Julie replied, and attempted to sleep.

Only, apparently magical moon princesses don't get to have a full night's sleep. They get weird transformation sequences that put her in admittedly cute outfits. They get weird weapons that look like every day objects and fighting skills that they definitely didn't have before.

They get told their friends are also space royalty, so she has back up to fight the constant stream of baddies that seem to pop up every week with their convoluted plans to destroy the Earth or whatever target they have this time. Flynn (or Jupiter, she's supposed to call her) has wicked aim with her lightning, Carrie, from Mars (which explains so much honestly) controls flames. Kayla is from Mercury, and while it seems like bubbles would be a lame weapon, they are also made of ice, and thus, hurt like hell. Meena, a new girl makes up their group as the Venus princess with a whip made up of light.

Luna assures her the rest of the solar system's royalty are out there, but for now, they have yet to reveal themselves. So the five of them will have to be enough.

What no one tells Julie is that now that she's accepted this power, memories of her time on the moon would come rushing back. Of strolling through the gardens with her mother, learning diplomacy. Playing and training with the other girls, though those she had yet to meet had their faces blurred.

And of two princes who offered her dahlias.

She can't picture them, not fully, but she can see flashes. A crooked grin and eyes that mimic sea glass. A pair of strong arms and warm hazel eyes like a topaz. Voices that compliment hers as they sung together, songs that stuck with her long after she woke. Some she writes down and keep in her dream box. Others she just... keeps in her heart.

Only during one fight, she swears she can hear the music from her last dream playing in the distance. She searches for it frantically, almost getting sideswiped by a goon, her friends stepping in at the last moment.

"Get your head in the game Moon!" Carrie hisses, and Julie nods, stepping up. She can't afford to be distracted, not with the fate of the world held in the balance.

They win, of course, they always do. The goons are poor fighters, and now that Julie knows they are but shadow constructs, she holds back her punches less. This of course, doesn't stop them from making a mess of things.

No one tells you being a magical girl also means concealing your presence on the planet, and thus cleaning up any evidence of your existence. "We don't do it for fame," Meena said. "We do it because it's right."

"Plus the Terrans would panic if they knew of the NegaVerse," Kayla said, scrunching up her nose as she dumps yet another pile of shadow goo into a dumpster.

"I doubt any other princesses have to do this much menial labour though," Carrie concedes.

The next fight, Julie hears the music again, but it seems that this time, she's not alone. Even the goons look, and that's when something slices through the arm of one, making it leak goo.

And there, standing up in a small crack in the pavement, it a dahlia.

Julie's eyes fly to the direction it came from, but then another comes from somewhere else, a red one this time, not blue, taking out another goon. The girls seem happy enough for the assist and start taking out the rest, but Julie is still looking for whomever came to their aid.

She sees them then, two figures in suits and capes, their faces masked. She makes chase, but they always stay one step ahead. "Please wait!" she called. But they kept going.

Finally in a fit of desperation, Julie starts to sing, the song that features in almost all of her dreams involving these two. "Moonbeam capture me, starlight illuminate me. But your love shines brightest of all."

"Galaxies pale in comparison to you," one voice continues. "Your smile as warm as the sun."

"No matter how far I roam, the other man sings. "Your arms will always be my home."

"It's you," Julie cries. "Please, I need to know who you are."

They approach then, and one approaches, peeling off his domino mask, revealing those bright green eyes, and a sprinkling of freckles that rivals the stars in the sky. "Do you truly not remember us?"

The other man pulls off his mask, warm topaz and an impish grin that makes a small dimple stand out. "You remembered our song well enough."

"I've... heard in a dream. So many dreams," Julie confressed. "But I only got glimpses of you. No real memories, nothing solid. The music was the strongest."

"Unsurprising," the first man said. "For it was music that brought us together the first time, when we performed for you at a party then you spent the rest of it improving the song."

Julie flushed at that, but it did seem like something she would do.

"And it was that song we used to woo you with no long after," the second man said, taking a step closer. "You belong with us Julie. Our hearts are yours, no matter how long it takes to remember."

"That might never happened," she whispered, trembling as they took her hands, pressing kisses to her knuckles.

"We have forever, what's a little waiting?"

With that, they disappeared, and Julie was left alone, a purple dahlia in her hands, with red and blue dahlias wound around it.

They didn't appear at every fight, her mystery princes, but the memories seemed crisper now, and easier now that she could visualize their faces. Picnics at lakes, riding horses, dancing at balls.

A diamond ring slid onto her finger that made her wake up crying.

Yet their names never came, and her princes always disappeared when she asked, and she assumed that they hoped she would remember, and ask to be theirs once more.

But romance had to take a back seat to world saving. Especially when the baddies went for those she cared for.

One midling lieutenant named Willie came calling at her school, not that she knew his allegiances then. Only that he made her best friend Alex blush and stammer. After some much suffering after he came out to his parents, eventually coming to live with Julie's aunt, she was just happy to see him smile once more.

Less so when the next time she had to fight, there was Willie commanding the goons, looking malicious and not at all repetent. Perhaps because he did not recognize her beneath her magical girl persona, but she became furious at the thought of him fooling Alex when his intent was obviously evil.

She struck at him with all her might, the girls all backing her up by taking on the goons. Willie seemed surprised, but held his own in the fight, his sneer almost mocking as he met her every strike and blow.

"Poor little princess not used to not having the upper hand for once?" he sneered.

But then Julie noticed that his eyes were glazed over, unfocused. That he had a glowing purple stamp on his hand, and his voice was.. off. "You're possessed."

Willie stood taller at that, looking at her. "So she figured it out. Of course he is. Useless peon was supposed to take you down, not flirt with cute boys. Can't find good work these days."

With that the purple glow faded, and Willie's eyes rolled back in his head as he fell, Julie trying to catch him. He looked up at her, weak, and obviously fading as the power of the NegaVerse leaked from his form. "Hi Jules," he coughed. "I'm so sorry."

"Ssh, not your fault," she assured him, trying to push her own light magic into him, knowing it might not work.

"Tell Alex... lie to him, just don't tell him the truth please."

"I will."

"I would have left for him. Followed him wherever he wanted to go," Willie confessed. His eyes closed at that, but Julie could still feel his weak pulse, and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hopefully you still can," she whispered.

The fights got harder from there. Less goons, more underlings. Some possesed, most not, as they believed in the cause of evil. Julie became a master of first aid. Of covering up her activities from her family, not wanting them to get involved. Their memories hadn't come back when hers did, and she didn't want them to relive having their lives so ripped from them when they were happy enough now.

And her princes stopped coming.

Then... Caleb appeared.

The leader of the NegaVerse himself, all smirking smiles and ice blue eyes. "I think I have something of yours," he said.

Then her princes were there, glowing marks, unfocused eyes. Julie gasped, shaking her head.

"Give yourself up princess, lest you have to defeat them. And your little magic won't save them like they did my last peon. I made sure of that." He smiles, though his teeth are sharp and pointed, like a shark. "Of course, if you want to free them, all you have to do is remember their names."

With that he disappears, though Julie is sure it isn't too far, so he can watch, and gloat. Her princes charge at her, swiping and punching, and at first she tries to evade them, go on the defensive. But she can only hold them back for so long before a hit lands, winding her. Then another, making her vision double.

She flips backwards, gaining her breath hidden in the darkness, and she doesn't know what to do. Why won't her brain supply their names? A hint even? Yet her stubborn cranium refused to cooperate.

The fight keeps going, and though her girls try to help she tells them to stay back. This is her fight, and she doesn't want anyone she cares about hurt. Yet she's tired, bruised, and her heart is in shatters as she tries to find any other solution. The princes are faring a little better, as Caleb's darkness keeps the exhaustion at bay, but even he must have a limit right?

Finally Julie collapses to her knees, knowing she's been beaten. She has to end this. But if this is the end, she's going out with a song in her heart, and quietly begins to sing the song that had brought them all together.

In your starlight I can see forever Whether in sunshine or in rain So we're asking you Now or never Be ours once again

Julie's voice is cracking, there are tears streaming down her face, and she's not even sure she's getting the words right. But she repeats the chorus again, looking up at the unfeeling faces before her, pleading.

Sees a flash of memory, of them kneeling before her, singing her that song, of them granting her the ring that she can now see hanging from their throats, the two bands each keeping her with them always. And she finally hears her answer.

Looks up at the princes before her, and with a sad smile, whispers the only thing she can. "I love you both. Luke. Reggie. I love you."

There's a sudden burst of light, almost blinding, and Julie raises an arm to protect her eyes, but they close automatically as it starts to sting. When she opens them, she's standing, feeling whole and revitalized. In a gorgeous, flowy white dress, bedecked with gold accents showing the phases of the moon. A small tiara rests in her curls, bejeweled with opals. With her full memories intact, but not erasing her time as a plain and ordinary human.

Luke and Reggie are standing before her, arms open, smiles wide, and she rushes to them.

"Knew you could do it love," Luke sighs, pulling her in for a sweet kiss.

"Never doubted it for a minute," Reggie says with a wink, his kiss a touch cheeky and playful, and oh how Julie missed them both.

There's a shriek, and they turn to see Caleb there, black and purple magic flowing from him as his features twist and snarl.

"I think it's time to deal with this once and for all," Julie states, summoning her sceptre. She can feel Reggie and Luke holding onto it with her. Her fellow princesses at her back, lending her their power. Her family back home who are unknowingly counting on her. And a small voice in her mind, a wisp of a ghost whispering that she can do this that sounds so much like her mother that Julie allows a single silver tear to fall. THis was for her. For Willie.

For Earth, for the moon.

But most of all, this was for Julie.

She summoned her power, and shot a beam of pure light at Caleb, watching him disintegrate before her eyes. Can feel the evil leeching from the land, and when she finally lowers her weapon, the world seems light, colours crisper and more clear.

"Is it really over?" she asks.

"It never really is," Luna replies, "But it's gone. For now."

"I think that means we can relax a little," Luke says. He takes the chain from around his neck and Reggie follows suit, putting the two bands together letting them magically fuse into one ring.

"And I think this belongs to you," he says, slipping it on Julie's finger.

Sure, finding out she was a magical girl princess from space had turned Julie's life upside down. But she didn't think she could it, or all the love she found because of it, up for anything.

#gosh this got long #filled prompts #ficlet #rukebox #peterpatterlina #julie and the phantoms

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pricetheghost0 · 2 years

Text

Tw sh, cringe

Words: 3700

Kenma x depressed reader

Your parents were like most other parents. They were nice enough every now and then but they still had their quirks.

Your dad was aloof like a cat who couldn't care less about you existing or not. He only showed that he cared when he found out the first time about your self harm.

Your mom was the type to switch things up. Occasionally she would want to hug you or make you food. Most of the time though, she would argue and put you down. She called you a bitch, a whore, a useless brat, etc. This drove you crazy when she acted nice.

On a typical Tuesday during the first week of school, you woke up and went downstairs. You were dressed and physically ready. Mentally you wish you could just stay in bed for the rest of your life. Your mother had your lunch ready and you slapped together a piece of toast and jelly.

As you ate in the car you put an earbud in to listen to (your favorite playlist). You can't stand the radio.

Your pov

I swear to God, if I have to hear "happy" by Pharrell Williams one more time, I'm gonna fucking lose it. It's so repetitive and annoying. No one is that happy. Well… unless you are on drugs… then maybe.

We finally made it. I'm a freshman which is super cringy. Most of them run around the halls as if they are happy to be in school.

I step out of the car and see the sign for Nekoma high school. I grab my stuff and head inside.

Time skip to lunch cuz I'm hungry

I sit under a tree and start listening to music so I can calm my dying social battery. It is pretty warm outside making a sweater and thigh highs seem a tad odd. Of course I switched my happy and bubbly personality on so people don't question it too much.

I had my best friend with me. She is moving soon but I knew she could get the school to think this is just my style since she is a super popular senior. bsf/n never knew why I would cover up. For all she knew, it really is my style.

I couldn't possible flat out tell her "I know we are sad you are moving away but I just wanna let you know I cut myself for fun". I know she'd feel guilty and take my blades away. That sounds like too much of a pain.

As me and bsf/n were sharing songs with each other, a guy came up to us. He seemed too cocky for me and I went back to looking at my phone.

"Hey Kuroo! Whatcha doin without kenma?" Bsf/n said standing up and hugging him.

"He wanted to be alone to play games. Something about a social battery. I wasn't really listening though." Kuroo shrugged with a sigh.

I let out a small laugh. So he's a bit like me. He seems to have more confidence though since he told his friend to leave him alone.

"Who's this? Why is she laughing at my pain?" Kuroo joked.

"This is y/n. She also talks about social batteries but she usually whispers way too quietly for me to hear. What is a social battery?" Bsf/n asked.

"If I talk to too many people in a day I get tired and lowkey wanna beat the shit outta the next person that looks at me. That's only when it dies tho." I said still not paying attention to the beanstalk in front of me.

"Did Kenma wanna punch me then?!" Kuroo asked, looking in my direction. I ignored him. My battery was dead and I was over it.

"Heyyyyy answerrrr!" Kuroo pouted like a baby. I needed a way to stop my anger. I wanted to stab him. He talks way too much and I'm not interested.

"I'll see you later bsf/n." I got up and grabbed my stuff.

"O-ok. Are you alright?" She said with a caring tone.

"Did I say something wrong?" Kuroo was worried.

"I'm fine. I just think I started early." I had to make some kinda excuse. This was good enough because kuroo wouldn't dare question me.

"Do you need anything?" Bsf/n asked while ready to give me the world.

"Not right now." I walked away and went straight to the bathroom. I locked the stall door and took out my blade. It was in a pencil case that I put back in my bag.

I rolled my sleeve up to show scabs and scars all over my upper forearm. For the people who cut their wrists… for the love of god grow up.

I sliced and made a few cat scratches which weren't good enough. I dabbed the blood away with the thinnest toilet paper you could ever find. I take a quiet deep breath. I steady the blade and swipe it.

I had forgotten this was a new blade.

Fuck.

I reached beans for the first time. It hurt like a bitch. I can't lie. It is kinda pretty as blood fills it. The cut was in the fattiest area of my forearm. This probably saved me a trip to the hospital.

My arm is still throbbing so I made the executive decision to stop before things got outta hand. I stopped the bleeding for the most part and pulled my sleeve down. After putting everything away, I flushed the toilet and washed my hands.

It was my free period and I sure as hell didn't want to talk to people so I headed up to the roof. What kid would be up there when it's this hot?

I walk up the shit ton of stairs with my 2 ton back pack. I open the door to the roof and I sit in the shade. Then I made eye contact with a cat???? Nope it's just a middle schooler who got lost.i look back down at my phone and load up subway surfers. It's an OK game. It's good for passing time while listening to music.

"Why are you here?" The kid asks quietly.

"Shouldn't I be asking that? Aren't you a middle schooler?" I asked not looking up from my game.

"WHAT? I'm not a middle schooler though." The guy said.

"Oh… sorry. I'm up here cuz my social battery died. Then this guy named kuroo came to talk to my friend and he's exaughsting." I ranted.

"He really is that's why my social battery dies so often." He said with a small laugh

"You know him?" I asked while immersed in the game.

"Yeah. He's my friend. Oh, my names-" the guy couldn't finish his sentence.

"FUCK" right before I beat my high score I lost.

"... Kenma… u good?" He finished and looked up from his phone as I smacked the wall with my arm out of pure rage.

"Well hi kenma, my name is y/n. I almost beat my high score." I said wanting to cry out of anger.

"What are you playing?" Kenma asked.

"Subway surfers. Y'know, something to pass the time." I shrugged lowkey embarrassed that I was playing a game for 9 year olds.

"What's your high score?" Kenma tilted his head.

"583,857" I said, questioning why I'm answering all his questions.

"Really? Well mines 826,291." He boasted. This lowkey pissed me off but before I knew it he spoke again. "Hey ummm… I think you hit the wall too hard. Your arm is bleeding."

"Oh shi- what the fuck." I panicked. It was like I thought he would know what happened. He did have his suspicions because a lot of people who have social batteries get roped into self harm of some kind. Your stupid panicking only proved him right.

He went into his back and grabbed a fresh bandage and jacket he usually kept for himself and handed it to me and left. He didn't want to say anything since he knew how awkward it is to talk about. He had the bad luck of Kuroo finding out. Of course, knowing kuroo, the poor guy is usually never left alone except for when they are at school when kuroo assumes it's safe.

I was shocked and knew he knew. I didn't know if I should have felt greatful or upset that he didn't say anything. I chose to be grateful since it made me realize he wouldn't tell anyone. Not to mention the fact that he probably does the same or at least used to because he had his in his bag. I made sure the area was clear and started wrapping my arm.

Kenma pov

Kuroo is probably looking for me. It's pretty sad he burnt 2 people out. He is probably coming up here now to get me to play volleyball with him.

That's when I noticed y/ns arm was bleeding. It wasn't too much blood but it would've been rough to keep it unbandaged. I knew she couldn't walk around with a bloody sweater because that would draw way too much attention. Just thinking of it makes me sick. I opened the door and low and behold I saw kuroo and bsf/n that were about to open the door. I didn't want them seeing y/n like this so I guarded the door.

I talked with the two idiots questioning if I saw you. I told them I didn't and after a little bit we walked away. I knew you would be able to wrap it up pretty quickly and move on.

Time skip to the end of school 😮‍💨

Who knows what pov this is

You finished class and saw bsf/n waiting for you.

"Hey y/nnnn…" she paused. "Isn't that Kenmas jacket? Hold on, follow me."

She grabbed my hand without me being able to answer and before I knew it we were at the gym.

"Heyyyyy bsf/nnnnn." a guy screamed and came running at us then stopped. "Wait… who's his pretty girl you have with you. Wait…" he snaps his head at Kenma. "ISN'T THAT YOUR JACKET?! YOU TRAITOR!"

"So what if it's my hoodie Yamamoto? I spilled my apple juice on her sweater." Kenma covered for me.

Both the team and bsf/n gasped. They were shocked that Kenma was nice to someone for once.

"Wait… when were you together?" Kuroo questioned.

"Stairwell when I was going to the roof" kenma covered again.

"That was right after I left." I said lowkey panicking because there were so many eyes on me and I kept feeling phantom blood flowing down my arm.

Something about them was kinda comforting. I already played volleyball in middle school even though that team sucked major ass, I still knew a lot about the game.

—--------------------------

After a few weeks I became more comfortable with the team. I could stay clean a little easier but I ended up slicing my upper thighs a lot. I run out of space a lot because I only like Styros which take up a lot of space. The team still had no clue even tho I was 99% sure Kenma knew.

I came to their games and cheered them on. Then I became their team's manager. Granted it was a tad late but it wasn't bad. Everyone welcomed me and me and Kenma grew closer. We shared games and tips for said games. We had a lot of fun but it seemed like he looked sad every now and then. Ironically, it was alway right after I cut myself. Maybe it was his intuition.

—-----------------

It was a normal day at practice. It was amazing how fast these guys could be. They slammed the ball down so hard I thought it could easily knock someone out. (Rip daichi even though it wasn't the spikes fault) I watched in awe and got water for the team. After a little bit they were practicing their spikes and sets and I was chasing balls down. I didn't mind it. It was good exercise but it did irritate my cuts a shit ton. They burned so bad it made me a bit angry.

As I was grabbing a ball I heard Kenma yell "WATCH OUT Y/N". I was a little shocked he could be this loud. I was too busy focusing on the fact that Kenma yelled to move out of the way. All of a sudden a ball smacked my thigh as hard as it could from Kuroos spike.

It hurt.

It hurt so bad.

My knees buckled from the pain and I landed on the floor. Kenma knew what just happened and ran to me. I couldn't help but cry as the whole team surrounded me. Before I knew it, Kenma sent everyone away as he yelled "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER". Everyone was shocked that he could be so aggressive. It took a second for people to leave my side. They knew he was serious with the way he was acting so they couldn't defy him.

"I know it hurts but I am not that strong so can you help me help you walk." Kenma said quietly and I nodded.

Kenma pov

I set the ball for Kuroo which I had done all of the time and of course it was perfect. All of a sudden I noticed the ball was going to hit y/n. I yelled because I knew she had to have run out of space on her arm and I knew she still harmed herself. I didn't want the ball to hit her wounds. I promised myself that if I saw her bleeding again I would talk to her about it and I didn't want that moment to come so soon. It made me nervous.

Then bam. The ball hit her tight and she ended up on the ground.

Shit shit shit shit shit. It definitely hit her where she began harming.

I ran over to her and she started crying. I ran my hands through her hair as I noticed the whole team ran over to us. I panicked because I didn't want them to see any blood that might come from her thigh so without realizing it, I yelled at them to go away. Thank God they left but now I have to worry about y/n.

Shit I can't carry her. I'm the size of a raw spaghetti noodle. There is no way I'll let anyone else see this though.

Y/n's pov

I was helped up and Kenma put his arm around me with my arm around his neck.

"I'm sorry if this is really awkward." Kenma blushed a tiny bit.

"Haha I should be the one that's embarrassed since I only got it with a spike while you guys get hit all of the time." I laughed a little.

When we reached the club room that was fairly close to where we were, Kenma sat me down on a chair and closed the door. He looked serious and I got nervous. I've never seen him like this.

"Um so I really don't know how to bring this up any easier." Kenma said as he grabbed a first aid kit from the cabinet next to him.

"What do you mean?" I tried to cover up the nervousness.

"I know about your self harm. That's why this hurt so bad." Kenma looked down.

"O-oh" my heart is now beating in my throat and I try to get up so I can leave this situation.

"I'm really sorry but you are bleeding on the floor. So unless you want to draw more attention… you might wanna wait here." Kenma said really embarrassed as he was shaming himself for looking at your thigh and for mentioning self harm at all.

"Shit… I wanna throw up. This is so awkward." You felt lowkey disgusted that he had to say anything but also that he knew about it.

Kenma, being the awkward person he is, handed you a trashcan in case you actually were going to throw up.

"I noticed since I do it too. I get a vibe and it was proven with your facial expressions and personality as well as the dead giveaway being the way you dressed. I'm really sorry this is so awkward. I don't have to wrap them up if you don't want me to since they are on your thigh." Kenma said as his emotions spiraled.

"You what?..." I was shocked by his confession about him doing the same thing as me. Kenma just nodded and showed the scars on his stomach.

"Kenma…" I said quietly while my pride flowed out in my tears.

"Yes y/n? Oh sorry I can get out" kenma started opening the door.

3rd pov???

"Can I please have a hug?" You just needed some comfort. At this point you would hug a complete stranger. You needed to calm down in a way self harm couldn't help you.

"Sure" , Kenma smiled a little and closed the door again. He walked over to you and got on his knees so he could be on your level. He gave you the 1st hug you've received in a long time. You didn't know how much you actually needed this until this moment. Of course he was careful to not get your blood all over him but he needed his hug as much as you did.

After a while he left you to bandage yourself up and clean the floor. Thank God you only bled on the club room floor since your skirt collected the rest of the blood. The problem was that since you bled on your skirt, it was now a bit shiny and crunchy. You panicked and didn't know what to do.

You slowly opened the door and saw Kenma being your little guard dog while looking at the team practicing.

"You alright now?" Kenma asked with a caring tone.

"Yea but is it noticeable I got blood on my skirt? It helps that it's black but still…" you asked not really wanting to be more of a burden. You felt like you were an attention whore at this point.

Kenma felt like it was super awkward to look at your skirt but he checked anyway because he knew his second opinion would be important.

"Um… it is kinda noticeable. Sorry." Kenma said quickly, looking away.

"Shittt" you panicked not knowing what to do.

"Here lemme see." Kenma walked into the room and closed the door again. He opened his locker and handed you an extra pair of sweatpants. You were the same height so it was the perfect idea. He also handed you a shirt to match the pants. You hadn't changed out of your uniform since it was too awkward for you to do.

He left the room and let you get changed. You walked out and joined Kenna to walk down and continue the hour left of practice.

“Y/nnnn are you ok?!?!” Yamamoto yelled.

“I’m so sorry y/n!” Kuroo apologized like I was a monarch that was going to behead him.

“I’m fine I’m fine.” I smiled.

“Wait. Why are you wearing Kenma’s clothes againnnnn.” Yamamoto pouted.

“A while ago my dog bit me really bad and it was still healing. When I got hit it opened up again. The skirt was gross so Kenna was nice enough to lend me these.” You noticed you were going to get attention anyway but for some reason, being near Kenna calms you down.

Kuroo apologized again and Yamamoto was still pouting about not being able to give you his clothes.

The team carried on like usual and you were fine. The coach made you sit out for the rest of the practice to only get water and to take notes on their weaknesses. You were good enough at analyzing that he let you help him coach the guys to be better. This low key gave you a power trip.

——————————————————————

You grew even closer to Kenna and you always have game and movie nights where you would just lie around and eat and chill. Kenmas mother is super nice and would always make you guys amazing snacks and give movie recommendations. The team was jealous but you both ignored it.

You relapsed less but it was still a problem. Kenma was worried about hurting you but he knew bringing it up every time would be hard for you. Every now and then he would bandage your arms and attempt to help you feel better. Of course since he didn’t really know what to do he would just wrap you up in blankets and give you your favorite snacks and candy.

After a few months you were super comfortable with each other. You also helped him through bad days. You would do the same things he did by wrapping him in blankets and giving him bite sized homemade apple pies. Before you knew it you two were dating. You were quiet but chaotic together. The team was half jealous and half happy about the news.

You had loads of inside jokes and that made people jealous but who cares as long as you two were happy.

Once Kenma came over to your house your dad ignored and kinda glared at Kenma. Your mother scolded you for having a guy over right after he left for the bathroom. Kenma was angry but he knew he had no power over them. Once he left the bathroom you told him not to worry since your mother got mad over everything. This made him angrier but he just hugged you instead.

————————————————————

Years later you moved out together and are now super happy. Neither of you relapsed in a long time and you were both super proud. You pursue your dream job and Kenma is a popular streamer. You lived well and had two adorable dogs. Your dog is a (your fav dog) and (another fav dog). Kenma has a calico cat that bosses the dogs around all of the time. You could never ask for more. 🥺

#haikyuu!!#depressing shit #haikyuu x reader #tw

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unyah · 1 year

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The Last Chapter ✨

di akhir chapter 2022 ini ,ga banyak hal yang bisa aku ungkapin karena mungkin aku sering ungkapin semua lewat tulisan , candaan bahkan sweet escape yang kita punya , just want too throwback to the moment that i love on this year

to January , the day i tell u i was in love with u again , we always denial about our feeling to each other , until i kiss your fluffy cheeks front of my cat >< and after that , i can’t sleeppp then tell the moon that i want to kiss you deeply with a lil hug.

11th February , it was... Our First Kiss.... are u believe that ? /blushing/ i still feels that heartbeat while u kiss me for the first time , it’s feels unreal for some reason like , i never imagine too kiss my crush since 2014 in the middle of the night , just for have good sleep & make us feel better cuz’ life for the scnd month sucks

Unfortunatly on March , i very feel lost about my grandma ur always there for me & are you remember about the first sleep call that we always joke about? and you become my first sleep call in my entiry life & i feel blessed it was you , not someone or somebody new and you give me a beautiful watch that i always keep in my Shopee Love , to make me happy , that the part of you that i always love & bless in my life ..

Of course next to April , its your Birthday!!! yeayy it was my first time , alone come to your house , see your Beautiful Mom & Grandma , see your Great Father and also your beautiful sister & ur cute brother, that was the best thing i ever had in this year , celebrate your birthday with your family . that’s very expensive also rare moment to each other & and after that did you know that i’m crying cuz’ i always impress with your family.. i really love your family & also you as the oldest one in that empire ...haha i always dreaming too married the first child cuz’ i know that would be great to bring me into the next life , now i have you in my life , promise me be the last ok babe?

What?! it’s already May? ok let’s talk about the Marvel’s Date , the last marvel date is on your birthday too on April 2019 and it was raining hahaha , want to hug u again if i flashback to that moment.. and on May we made it again to watch Doctor Strange & Multiverse of Madness and one thing that i always say to my self right now is “ I will love you in every Universe and i will find you in different Universe just to see you Happy even with/out me . The Time Will Tell You How Much I Love You ” kill me if i never crying if i think and talk about this scene . can we rewatch that movie just for two of us ?

OH, ITS JUNE .. i came to your place Bali for the first time babe!.. i’m so happy that you told me about how beautiful Bali is... you tell me about the road that u always ride , the school , the nice place , the food and everythingg . but’ i don’t like Bali cuz your not there ... i’m angry cuz i really miss youu even it’s only for 1 weeks !!! Arrrghhhh i want too kiss you and hug u , promise me Bali Together okay !!!!!

Well, July we full of practice to perform for the first time babe, on call team showcase with each other , sorry for always jealous to everything .. i’m that grumpy and clumsy gf that ur always love ..and you rock that stage with Zoo .. i’m proud of you cuz’ u always be my Lee Taeyong all the timee babe.. and your friend already fallin in love with Taeyong Zoo?!?!?! OMG I MUST PROTECT MY BABYY BOYYY >< jk babyyy

August 2022 , is the biggest and good experience for both of us babe , we on the same competition for 2 days and goes to BANDUNG!! we have a good experience on KIDCC & DigiCash also with Night Ride to the Station and you came to the city that i grow up since i’m 2 yrs old . next time i should bring you too the park that i always crying, playing when i was little front of my house there.. ok babe?

September is Daijobu haha , look whos come into Japan Event with her gf for the first time? it’s my Boyfriend.. you always excited over something until u bring me to japan event .. you enjoy it so much that event & i just want to see you smile and laugh that hard on that event and it’s out night drive to JKT just the two of us and i’m horny for watching you driving , that the hottest thing after the bed scene haha... anyway, aishiteru to you babe <3

October is your month cuz you full of Job that makes me more proud to have you in every way babe , you have a beautiful time with army & exol , also have a great day with all your friends and get more money from your hard work.. i want crying if i remember those part :”)

Guess what? ITS NOVEMBER , the first cosplay that we have u as Nanami & i’m Marin Kitagawa are excited by that babe? i”m totally enjoy it and it was fun and getting more fun on my birthday ,youtreat me well , you bring happiness on my day , we watching Black Panther , eat some steak and enjoying the view from the up of top in festive walk.. like we always do on sweet escape , cuz’ i know you like the view and city night .. we should have a time too have that again ok baby?

and here we are on December , the last chapter that i talk about . i always believe in Miracle in every month but on this December is getting more real for the miracle that we dream about , just want to said that i always love you in every way & everytime and i’m happy for every month that we spend on this year.. one things you should know is my love isn’t only on this year.. my love is always here since 2015 in the first place .but’ we always ignore about that feeling but deep down in my heart , i still remember on the day you should go back to Bali , i kiss you cheeks for a Kiss Goodbye that was just story like sugar on caramel .. a lil bit sweet but make your cheeks puffy . you are always the greatest things that come into my life , i’ll wait for 5years to getting back together with u , with all the dramas that i have

Thank you for changing my life from the rock into a beautiful diamond and thank you for coming back into my life , thank you for accepting the worst Extrovert in you life , thank you for always give me a 90% energy in your life , thank you for always bring me into your friend convo, thank you for bring me to meet your friend too that was a great for me , thank you for bring me into your family , thank you for always hold my hand on motorcycle , thank you for a thousand tears,kiss,hug for me . thanks you for all the badmoods,angry,jealous that we give to each other sorry for not being your best girl , sorry i’m not perfect but’ i always try to be perfect for you in every kind of situation , sorry for always crying about a stupid things , sorry for overthinking and all the bad happens on this years and one thing you should know is..

i will always love you , until something break us apart 🤍

Your 🤍

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nagirambles · 2 years

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To the person that gave an ask to tell me they believe Lucy’s more appropriate as the mother figure to Happy than Lisanna, I’m sorry, my mouse glitched and I deleted the ask askdljsaka sorry.

But:

1. I said very specifically “Happy considers Natsu and Lisanna his ‘parents’, or the other way around, (maybe closer to closest partners)”. I do not believe nor consider Natsu to be Happy’s father figure either. They’re clearly partners, that’s the point I was trying to make, I said ‘parents’ in a guardian way. Please understand that there is more than one kind of parental relationship than the typical dynamics of mother to child. Additionally I also said “or the other way around”, because whether they really are parental figures or not, Lisanna canonically, playfully, considers it so. It reflects, for no reason other than it has been stated before. They do not need to actually feel like stereotypical parents and son for them to regard each other with similar importance and grow into those roles loosely.

2. You say you consider Lisanna more like a childhood friend, okay? Natsu is also a childhood friend. Elfman, too. But you have no problem about me describing Elfman as his role model/motherly despite canon even less substance to that. Clearly, I don’t care about canon in headcanon, I only base it off of it. We only see Happy-Lis interact so little because it’s all flashback, of course it’s going to look less than what we see him do with Lucy. Of course Happy would seem closer to Lucy than he would seem to Lisanna, that’s kind of obvious.

3. Why not both? Lisanna was the first mom figure, Lucy is the second. It doesn’t have to be one or the other, he can have two mother figures and both mother figures don’t need to boot each other out the rankings when one dies and comes back to life.

4. Honestly, I consider Lucy more of the best friend. Lucy and Happy do not act like mother and child to me, they seem much emotionally closer than a child would to their mother. They are more like besties. I love their dynamic because they tease each other, and they talk to each other and share their worries. Just because Lucy cares for Happy like this does not mean she is a mother to him. In fact, Happy is shown to offer comfort for her just as much as Lucy does for him. She also commonly calls him ‘stupid cat’, and Happy unnecessarily chides her about loud stomach grumbling and other unflattering things lightheartedly. They are clearly besties that can lovingly call each other ‘bitch’ on the daily. That’s not how you treat your mother.

I do not think Lucy and Happy’s relationship need the ‘mother figure’ title for their relationship to be on a pedestal already.

5. If you consider any of these things to be things you can do with your mother, then I suppose you have proven my point about there being more than one kind of parental relationship. So I have to tell you that this was a post about Happy and the Strauss, so of course I’m talking about Lisanna and Happy instead of Lucy. If it was about Lucy, I would be right with you and talking so much about how cute they could be as mother and son figures.

You started your ask off with indication you’re not trying to antagonize my points, but there was no need to jump so passionately to Lucy’s defense over nothing. You were being very emotional about the idea of my giving Lisanna something you believe belongs to Lucy, and my answer is... why not both? There is nothing wrong with headcanoning that Lisanna once had something Lucy has with Happy. You don’t need to correct me and insist it is Lucy, not Lisanna, that is more like Happy’s mother figure. It is literally not the point that was made.

I didn’t even say if Lucy is or isn’t the mother figure after Lisanna came back, I barely mentioned her at all, and yet you managed to make the topic all about Lucy for some reason. If you disagree with me saying that Lisanna is Happy’s mother at all... well, I don’t see why you threw me an ask, then. Clearly, the ask I was answering asked me what I thought.

Let Lisanna fans enjoy things that are about Lisanna, without being thrown Lucy Lucy Lucy in our faces. It’s frustrating. I don't even hate Lucy. But let me talk about Lisanna without Lucy being brought up to compare who gets what, please.

(Again, I do not consider Lisanna actually a mother to Happy either, but ‘childhood friend’ and ‘mother figure’ are not mutually exclusive things at all, so I don’t fancy the way you insisted she was one instead of the other, as if being both was not on the table simply because the title apparently belonged to someone else. If Natsu can have up to debatably three father figures, why can’t Happy have two loosely regarded mother figures?)

In fact, if anything, Mira is most motherly to Happy, because she canonically sings him fish songs and humours his antics sweetly like the Ara Ara character she is.

#it's an ask #lisanna strauss

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discoverjoana · 2 years

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Althea had made herself busy after her cat's death. However, one morning, she's feeling unwell. After taking a few tests, she found out that they are expecting.

While Ryder is at work.. She called mom, to visit her.

Mavis: I came rushing here as you sounded different on the phone. Althea: Mom, how do you feel about grandchildren? Mavis: I'm happy to have few more of course. Your half-siblings had their own, I'm waiting for Raven to have his, now that him and Chelsie are engaged. Is that why you've asked me to come here? Althea: No... Mavis: So if Raven and Chelsie are not yet expecting...Well, I would know as they live with him, then what is it my dear? Althea: I think I'm pregnant? Mavis: Pregnant?? With who??? Wait, are you and Ryder dating officially? Wait! What? Althea: Mom! You know Luna died right, we've tried to cope up with it. I mean, Ryder and I wanted it to happen. and yes, Ryder just moved in with me. I thought you and dad would be okay with that. Mavis: I mean, Ryder is a great guy. We love him for you. Then what's the problem?? Althea: I don't think I'm ready. Mavis: It's okay my dear. I will be here.. You should tell Ryder. and don't think anything stupid please.

When Ryder came home, Althea shared the news to him.

Ryder: What's wrong? Althea: I'm pregnant! Ryder: That's great! Why are you not happy? Althea: I don't know how to feel! I'm scared, I don't know what to do

Ryder felt the uncertainty of Althea, at first he had doubts of Althea. Does she don't love me? I know it wasn't yet on our plan, but why is she not happy? But instead of getting angry, he decided to re-assure Althea.

Ryder: Hey, I know you didn't want it yet. But I am here, we are a team. We can do this, I will provide for our baby. Things will go well. Althea: I'm sorry I am feeling like this, but I will try.

With Ryder's re-assurance, Althea tries to accept the pregnancy slowly but surely.

Althea trying to calm herself, with all the changes that's gonna happen. And Ryder assuring that he'll take care of her no matter what.

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sarcastic-salem · 1 year

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Snack Time

Note: This is just a silly one shot I wrote about me and Loki. There is no real rhyme or reason to it. The flow might be a bit off, and I cried while writing it.

It is based off my real life and personal relationship with Loki. I am a Godspouse, so there are romantic (but not sexual) elements. If that’s something you’re not okay with then you may as well keep scrolling👍🏻

*******************

I was relaxing on the lounge under the fluffy down comforter when I heard Loki pop in. I smiled up at him as he bent down to peck me on the lips. He had blue eyes that crinkled when he smiled, a gold ring in his nose, and black studded spacers in his ears. He was wearing his ginger hair in an intricately woven, fishtail braid that fell over his shoulder with a yellow daisy barrette hanging from the bottom. The braid fell over the shoulder of a fluffy, forest green knitted sweater that I thought Sigyn must have made for him.

Or maybe he had made it himself — he had invented the fishing net after all.

“Hello, lovely,” Loki smiled down at me.

I reached out and wove my fingers between his. A chainlink bracelet dangled from his wrist and he was wearing rings made from various metals and stones on each of his fingers. A tattoo of a snake peaked out from beneath the sleeve of his sweater. “Hey, Lokes,” I said somewhat breathlessly.

After all this time, I was still surprised that he had chosen me to be with even for a fraction of a second.

He kissed me a second time and then a third quickly before pulling away. “Can I sit with you?”

“Oh, of course,” I said jumping to my feet. How could I have left him just standing there? I wondered. I couldn’t believe I had been so dumb.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Loki chuckled. He reached across the lounge and lifted me, bridal style, in one swift movement. Then he sat down, pulling me into his lap. “How have you been?” He smiled down at me.

I reached out to finger the edge of his braid. “Bored,” I said simply.

“Oh?” Loki said with raised eyebrows. “What have you been doing all day?”

I felt the blood drain from my face. Loki didn’t care how I spent my time, but I knew he’d be disappointed when he found out I’d spent the whole day on social media. We both agreed that it wasn’t great for my mental health, but I couldn’t help but feel like social media was the only place I truly existed. All of my friends were online, social media had helped me learn things about myself that I never would have known without, and it let vent my frustrations and share my thoughts with likeminded people. I wasn’t close to my family and I didn’t know how to make friends, especially not while I was recovering from agoraphobia.

If I died, my social media accounts would be the only things I’d left behind, I realized feeling shame seep into my bones.

“Milo?” Loki reached out to brush my hair out of my face and startled, I couldn’t help but pull away. He instantly withdrew his hand. “Hey,” he said sweetly, calmly. “Easy, love — its just me.” I nodded as I remembered he would never hurt me. He reached out again. “Can I—“

I took his hand and pulled it towards me, leaning into his touched when he placed it against my cheek. “I’m sorry,” I whimpered as his calloused thumb traced the line of my cheekbone.

I had struggled for years with my PTSD — first because of growing up with my mom, and now because of several failed abusive relationships and assaults. Sometimes I would flinch when my cats jumped on me or if I saw a dark object out of the corner of my eye or if someone approached me while I was thinking or reading. It wasn’t on purpose — it was no one’s fault, definitely not Loki’s.

It was just me — I lived constantly in fight or flight mode.

Loki frowned and said, “Tell me what’s wrong, baby.” He was like this when I got scared, more dominant. Paternal almost.

If I was anxious or depressed there was a higher chance of me regressing into what we had come to call dark littlespace. By reading online, I had realized it was a mindset triggered by trauma. When I felt this way, I couldn’t help but curl up and cry like a small child. I would fixate on traumatic moments from my childhood and adolescence. Then reach for my cats or a pillow or a stuffed animal, overwhelmed with too much depression and shame and fear to think logically.

Sometimes it was better to have Loki there to help me think through what the next best step would be. To ease me back into the world of adulthood, and to keep me from hurting myself when I was small.

I pressed my head against his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’m wasting my life….” I told him.

Loki pulled away as he wrapped his arms my waist. “How much time did you spend online today?” He asked knowingly, sympathetically. Loki was by far the most understanding of all the Gods. “Did you eat yet?” He poked me gently in the stomach with his index finger.

“Loki…” I whined even though I knew he was right. My mood was always worse when I skipped meals and I’d spent the past few days living mostly off of coffee.

“C’mon,” Loki sighed, getting to his feet and pulling me by the hand into the cluttered kitchen.

It was a galley kitchen with no room for a table and a breakfast bar so tiny it only fit one barstool. A utility rack with three shelves held spices and bread and condiments and mixing bowls because there wasn’t enough cupboard space. It was one of my least favorite rooms in the house.

“Ok, let’s see,” Loki said, pulling open a cupboard that was full of mismatched dishware. He grabbed a sage green bowl and pulled a spoon out of the utensil drawer. He smiled down at me. “You want to or should I?”

“I’ll do it.” I took the dishes from him, although I could really only make cold cereal or microwave meals when I was regressed. I grabbed a box of Cocoa Krispies.

“That��s a good girl,” Loki said, kissing the top of my head. He had a million pet names for me, most of which I had picked out. I loved all of them, but he would switch to another if I wasn’t in the mood for one.

“I love you,” I told him, smiling.

He leaned down and kissed me again. “I love you, too, my little one.”

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maddiem4 · 1 year

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I'm eating potato salad with ghost pepper salt, and breaking into a cute little bottle of sake. The illustrations on the jar are adorable. A geisha in a light mauve kimono enjoying a cup of sake, with her pet cat joining her in various poses. It's very stylized, it's very sweet.

This is a safety measure.

It's delicious, by the way.

You know I always thought, it takes time. The more I look like a woman, and sound like a woman, and more of the time, the easier it would be for everybody. Last night at the Saloon I passed perfectly. Nobody knew that I didn't tell. I've made it. Raise a glass.

But time isn't it. Grandma's had time, quite a decent amount, actually. I swallow it down and pretend it's fine, with the he, the him, the name. If it were actually about looking so girl that nobody called me boy, then I wouldn't be hearing this shit months and months later. Because I've made it and it didn't actually make a difference. It's not about appearance.

And even if it's mostly her, it isn't just her. It's just mostly her.

The one thing I have going for me is my looks, and 48 hours later, I'm already fighting a losing battle against time, my coach turning into a pumpkin, the bristles growing back in. It's just a fight against my body all the time, and it's exhausting. I'm so tired, I briefly consider asking for someone to walk the dog for me. Just in case.

There's always the option.

But I don't want anybody in my real life to know how I'm feeling. Fuck that. I'm fine. I don't need anybody's help. I can go out with the dog just fine, get back perfectly safe, be a responsible mom who lives up to her responsibilities to care for others. Of course I can, it's implicit even. I just need to get out, get back, and get something to drink. Nothing to it. And I do it, easy. I get done and I get back inside.

But there's always the option. And I'm attuned to it tonight.

Because you know what the problem with this road is? It's all these fast cars. They go by at ten-over-limit at all hours of the night, and if you just didn't pay attention and walked right into traffic, it'd be over before you know, you know? You gotta be safe about that kind of thing. You have to always look both ways, and always pay attention, and always wait for the cars to pass.

Or...

Well that's not really worth thinking about, is it? Yeah I'm stuck between a binary of two places where people know my history too well - my childhood identity or my failed marriage - with absolutely no agency which one I live in, adrift in the current. Yeah, I can hang in there for the next however many months without certainty or stability or safety in my life, with no fresh start in sight. Yeah, I can do my time in the waking nightmare, and by force of will project onto reality the fineness of it all. Manifest serenity. Be palatable wherever I'm trapped. And never ever walk into high speed traffic.

Or.

....

...or.

I mean there's always the option. In fact it's kind of hard to forget or ignore, under the circumstances, that there is always, always the option.

So I sip, and the numbness - the safety - wraps its arms around me. Another day, another dollar, amirite, y'all? It's not forever. I just need to outlast a circumstance again. I've done that. I tune out the thought that came to me at the corner with Connor in my arms - maybe he was right at the time, maybe he should have died a long time ago. Departed in his teens. That's unnecessary. That's an unnecessary thought process.

The sake is already almost gone. And I only feel a little better. It strikes me as so very silly and improbable, the what-if, as in, "what if this is the last thing I ever write?" I mean, that's absolutely insane, and unlikely, and absolutely definitely without a doubt probably not going to be true. Wow, really not a lot left in this glass, huh? That was 200ml? That went by quick.

One sip left. Thankfully I have more booze behind the record player, not so much hidden as "tastefully not on display." I got a little vodka, a little rum, a bit of cheap whiskey. Not a bad lineup honestly. And that's good because now the sake is gone, and I'm definitely going to need to supplement it. No way in hell is this how I go out.

You know I really don't have respect for the idea that "alcohol is never the answer when you're feeling bad - it's to enhance good times, not mollify bad ones." I sympathize with that perspective. I used to have it, in the same way I once approached strangers as a five-year-old and informed them that smoking was bad for their health. But it's very naive and privileged. Good for you, never having to test that theory against the rubber of your life meeting the road. That is so, so nice. What ever would I do without that seasoned, expert life wisdom guarding me from terrible - nay, unthinkable - fates?

I sip some Jim Beam from the bottle and live another day. I'm sure that's just correlation.

You know something? With the Christmas lights up this time of year, you really can see the road from my window 24 hours a day. It's pretty. But it's starting to get distracting, and I know writing helps me, so I close the curtains, and realize what I want to happen next in my novel. Something with fungus, and the dissolution of distinction between human and object, and cemeteries providing a context and destination for a life where heritage is on your side, where a person's fate is woven into one place like skin gradually fusing to a sofa cushion. Yes. That's what I want.

The bottle's half full and the night's still young.

#trans #mental health #highly personal

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humangerbil · 2 years

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Hi, I'm just wondering if your going to continue writing Into the Shade, it just one of my favourite story

Yes I am. If I ever abandon a story I will mark it as such.

Literally less than a month after I posted that chapter my life got Messy. It took nearly a year for things to get back to normal and then I had to deal with my sister's wedding. A wedding is stressful enough, a wedding during covid because she refused to delay it anymore? Ugh! Combined with all the planning and stuff I had to organized I also had to deal with multiple pet sitters falling through and having to scramble to find new ones for two senior cats and an epileptic dog, a broken tooth, my dad refusing to get vaccinated, my brother refusing to speak to my dad over this, my step mom trying to start more drama, my mom being A Lot, and so much more.

Finally that passed and things were starting to settle down once again. I started making real progress on my fics when the universe decided I had it too easy and gave me a medical emergency. And this wasn't any just any medical emergency, no, it was rare genetic condition. I was in the ER twice because they discharged me with a shrug the first time after making me sit around for 14 hours. Only for me to end up back there two days later because things were so much worse and they had to rush me to surgery. I nearly died. I had to get surgery twice, stay in the ICU where I got my vitals checked and blood tested hourly, and then deal with my family being dramatic about how I didn't call them and omg how dare I.

The fun new medications I get to take for the rest of my life also has all kinds of fun side effects like "confusion." Do you know what that means? No? Well, lemme tell you. I currently have the brain of a goldfish. I literally will forget what I was going to write while reaching for the pencil. One night I stared at my toothbrush because I knew I was supposed to put something on it but I couldn't remember what. This wasn't like I forgot the word toothpaste. I forgot toothpaste completely. I knew the next step was to put something on the toothbrush but not what that was. Stuff like that keeps happening.

And then, because of course this isn't done yet. My brother ended up in the hospital and it's looking like he might have the same weird genetic condition I have.

So yeah, fic writing hasn't really been a top priority when its taking everything I have to go to work everyday so I can keep a roof over my head.

#rambles #rant #this rant brought to you by the annoying people that have left passive aggressive comments about the lack of recent updates on my fic #which wasn't actually this anon #anon you were polite #just hit a nerve #i have a life outside of fics #anon #asks #i might delete this later

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marvel-and-dc-geek · 6 days

Text

The Labours of Alcides

The Lernaean Hydra

The next task was given to him by the one-eyed boss of the ravens. The gods had been impressed when they saw the cat’s skin, (Tho Shiva got in trouble with his wife Durga, as she was fond of lions)and a bit more by the carving the youth had made of it on his new weapon, so the Nordic chief gave him a harder task: to slay the hydra that was pestering Lerna.

She was the aunt of the lion, being a daughter of Typhon and Equidna.

Mortals would then start to say Hera was her adoptive mother, but how they conclude this is a story we shall save for later .

This creature was even more lethal than the lion: it had six heads instead of just one, and she was huge. Her breath was so deadly, that everything around her would die, which forced the people of Lerna to flee from their homes.

This, even tho it was a tragedy, helped our hero to find her, as Alcides found a caravan of women and children that were running away from the creature. He tried to ask for directions, but the women refused to tell him.

“Don’t even try it, my child. Here you see the widows and orphans from Lerna” an old women tried to warn him “our men gathered together to slay the beast, but not even a single one made it back alive. Not even our king was rival for such a beast “

“That is exactly why we should tell him where it is!” A young, twelve year old boy, who’s mom had died while she was washing clothes due to the creature’s breath, and his dad had gone to slay the creature, wanted someone who could put an end of that thing. He was riding his family’s chariot, which was carried by the the only mule he had been able to save “I shall you myself, mister, if you willing to help us”

“Enough of that, Iolaus. You know that is suicide “ one of the old women tried to argue, but he refused to hear any arguments.

“This is my chariot and I decide what to do with it “ he remained stubborn

“I appreciate your offer, Iolaus, but I would rather not have you come. Just with telling me where I can find the creature is more than enough “ Alcides didn’t want to risk anyone else.

“Oh enough of that, if I die, I shall see my parents again anyways. Hop on, mister ! Penelope is strong enough to carry us both!”he wasn’t going to take no for an answer, and wanted to avenge the rest. The young hero understood that he wouldn’t change the boy’s mind, and hoped into the chariot.

The closer they got, the more horrible the places would get, and they would see less living things. Even the trees and the birds got more scarce, until Alcides saw a couple of familiar creatures

“Huggin, Munin!” He called the crows as he spotted them. Their job was to watch over him, so usually they would leave him alone until he find the place near the creature’s lair (which, in the case he had to track it down, might be a telltale sign.

“What took you so long?” Asked the white raven

“Who is that ?”asked the black raven

“Did the crows just speak?”asked the puzzled boy.

“Ah yes, they serve the gods, and they’re nice “ the explained to his companion.

“Why did you bring a mortal?” Both of them asked

“He guided me “ that wasn’t forbidden, right ? He didn’t want any trouble.

“Bah, I guess there aren’t any rules against this “ pointed out the black one.

“Seeing you both here means we are in the right path “ observed the hero.

“Well of course, but we have no spot to stand on near the hydra’s lair” complained the white raven.

“Except its hideous cave “ complained the black raven.

“You are free to stay in my chariot “ offered the boy “hope on, a couple of ravens are nothing for Penelope “ both crows immediately got in it and the five of them (counting the mule, of course) continued their way until a place where there was absolutely nothing growing in there. As it was swamp, that shouldn’t have even been possible.

As they went on, they saw a weird snake’s head in the floor, but it was bigger than any the hero had ever seen.

“Maybe the poor thing was slayed by the hydra “ thought Alcides, tho that must have been some other monster. And if the beast could slay one of its own, it was certainly fearful.

The boy shook his head “this is a head of the hydra. I only saw it from far away, but nothing could compare to it “ tho there was a detail “ this isn’t the only one she was has, maybe the damn things is still alive with its other five horrible heads “

“They cut it with a sword “ observed the white raven

“It isn’t as resistant as the lion back in Nemea then “observed the black raven.

“You killed the Nemean lion?” Asked an astonished Iolaus.

“Yes, the gods told me to do so “ Alcides answered

“Wow mister, you are very strong!” The surprised boy smiled, tho it quickly faded as he saw something next to the head: he recognized the sword next to it the head, or at least what remained of it’s handle. “Father…” the boy said sadly. He wanted to cry as he picked it up, but refrained himself.

The handle had engraved its late owners name: Ificles, who had managed to cut off one head at the cost of his own life. There was no sight of his body anywhere: it was most likely that he had been a snack for the rest of the creature’s heads.

“His death won’t be in vain “ the hero promised “none of theirs will “ there were several weapons laying in the floor, right where the husbands, sons, uncles, fathers, grandfathers, cousins, nephews and brothers of the women and children of Lerna.

As they reached the top of a hill, they were able to see the cave. It was impossible to miss it, as the creature’s horrible, green-like breath surrounded the whole area. It was right next to a swamp that had once been full of life.

“You stay right here, I don’t want any of you to get hurt” Alcides asked them, he would try to slay the beast as quick as possible. He left his bow and arrows to the kid, along with some other torchers, so he could use them in case he had to defend themselves of any danger (tho, in the opinion of both the crows and even Iolaous himself, it wouldn’t be of much help if the hydra went against them ) and brought his club, along with a torch to lighten the entrance.

Alcides made something very dangerous, that he had only done against the Nemean lion before; he went into the lair of a pissed for creature. He heard a horrible hissing as soon as he lay a step in the cave: a horrible being with seven snake-like head, and a strange dragon-like boy came out quite pissed off: it’s body had some arrows of the last poor idiots who has attempted to slay it.

Alcides didn’t waste any time thinking as he started to hit the heads with his maze and all of his strength, making them fly out while tearing them off. At the end, where there was only one left, the hero stomped it to make sure it was completely dead. One he was done, he turned around to go meet his companions, that place was horrible he preferred not to stay for long.

“Wow, that was quick “ the white raven told the black raven

“Well, the faster we get out of here the better” answered the black one.

But Iolaus, the only human watching (or that’s what he thought at least) wasn’t celebrating: quite the opposite, as his face had turned white “MISTER ALCIDES, LOOK BACK!” Even the calm mule Penelope was aware of the issue, and the ravens turned around to see what was scaring them so much: as they did, there were suddenly two white ravens, as one of them had lost his color out of terror alone.

Alcides turned back as well Now, you human would use the expression that he saw everything in slow motion, which, between us, is the best way to describe how the hero felt he watched as the heads grow back. Except there weren’t seven anymore, now there were fourteen.

See, a detail that all of our heroes has forgotten, is that instead of showing up with five heads, the beast had seven. This is because hydras, as some of you might know, grow back two heads when they lose one. Of course, when a beast so large charges against you, you don’t stop to count its heads, which was exactly what happened to Alcides.

“Oh sh-“ he was barely able to dodge an upcoming attack. The ambrosia at least made him immune to the poison, but he didn’t know if the hydra could slay him in some other way, and it would definitely charge against the quartet that right now could simply serve as witness of the fight.

“Can that thing slay us?” Asked the white raven

“I have no idea” answered the raven that had turned whjte

Cutting heads just made things worse, but unfortunately, he couldn’t go against the body as the hydra defended it fiercely, sacrificing as many of its heads as needed. He had to climb on top of them to get to the body, as he couldn’t simply go around. Alcides had to make sure they wouldn’t bite him, but that was not exactly an easy task. His only option was to slice them off, but even then, it at times became too dark to see, forcing him to grab both his club and the torch. The first one, for some reason, seemed to scare the heads quite a bit.

“Don’t you know to do anything else but cut off their heads?” One of the crows complained.

At some point, the hydra made the worst mistake of her life: one of the heads bit Alcides with such strength that he left his torch fall, just at the exact moment as one of the heads was growing back. As soon as the flame came into contact with the maimed area, it cauterized the wound, which made the heads unable to grow back.

“FIRE, I NEED FIRE !” The hero hadn’t been slow at all, but alas, he didn’t have a way to get fire in that swamp.

Or so he thought: his young companion didn’t know how the gods’ trial worked, and wanted to get revenge against that hideous creature.

“Help me light them up !” Iolaus told the crows

“We cant help, you brat!” Exclaimed the black raven

“You will get us to three in trouble!” complained the white one

“Mister Alcides is the only one who has given it trouble, and I’m not going to let that thing win!”ugh, maybe he should give the hero the arrows by himself.

The crows sighed, but decided to cooperate. They didn’t want to be mocked if a mortal boy was braver than them. The boy put some of the same substance from the torches into the arrows to set them on fire.

Iolaus was about to use the bow, but then he saw something weird coming out of the swamp, it was…

“A crab??!?!” Exclaimed the crows, Alcides, the boy.Even the hydra and the mule seemed to have been taken a back by the appearance of such a thing

The crab, who was later believed to have been send by Hera herself, was simply just angry as, thanks to the other monster, it couldn’t sleep, eat (all his usual preys bad died thanks to the hydra) and it had even stolen his favorite cave. It wanted to get revenge against that thing, and maybe grab something to eat. He charged against the hydra and began to cut some of its heads, make things harder for the hero.

“I will distract that thing, you give the arrows to mister Alcides !” The boy ordered the crows as he lit a torch. Before going, he set his mule free so it could run in case anything happened.

“You aren’t our boss!” But they decided to do it anyways so the brat wouldn’t look braver than them.

As Alcides tried to avoid the crab’s claws and the hydra’s bites, Iolaus held his breath and hit the crab with the torch, who, angrily, began to pursue him away from the hydra: hey, maybe he could eat the daring brat.

“Get out of here !” Alcides shouted to the boy, but he was busy making the crab angry.

“Hey, lad!” The crows called for the hero so he would know they were coming up with the flaming arrows. Alcides took the chance and hit off as many heads as he could before passing them through the fire. As it lost around half its heads, the hydra began to have issues maintaining its balance, making it easier to repeat the same action with the next round of arrows that one of the crows threw. There was only one head left, and Alcides decided to dedicate it to the man who raised the brave boy who had helped him.

“FOR IPHICLES !”he shouted before smashing the head and cauterizing the wound.

The crab stopped as it realized his annoying usurper had suddenly gone quiet: he stopped his persecution to inspect the body.

“If you leave Iolaous alone, it’s all yours “ offered the tired hero. The crab gratefully accepted, a tasty hydra meat meal was worth more than a skinny Greek boy. Plus with so many heads, he could feast for days until more creatures came back to the swamp.

“You made it, mister Alcides!” Iolaous went to congratulate him.

“I wouldn’t have made it without you four “ the hero was honest, and he even gave credit to Penelope, who had carried them and all the weapons all the way there.

“I wonder what mister Odin will say about this…” mumbled the black crow to his partner

“We should started looking for news jobs…” mumbled the white one back.

With the crab’s permission, Alcides took off one of the hydra’s fangs and gave it to Iolaous, who was almost the same size as it. This would be proof that the monster was gone.

“I hope we meet again some day, mister Alcides !” The boy said as he tied Penelope again. Alcides pet the mule and the boy’s hair as well, before going to present himself to the gods.

Iolaous, on the other hand, went back with the women and children of his city, who didn’t think they’d see him alive again. They decided to go back to Lerna, to remake their lives thanks to the bravery of the two youths (and also the crows and the mule). Strangely several visitors seemed to think he was the nephew of Alcides: Iolaous decided not to correct them, seeing they’d bring gifts to his people, which helped them to prosper once again.

Now, there was another human who was in that swamp: a young man who was searching for tales to tell and sing about, who, maybe quite stupidly, thought the hydra would be a good source for horror stories. He was well hidden, and could see the hero’s fight. As he didn’t have the context, he assumed that Alcides and Iolaous were uncle and nephew, which Iphicles being the brother and father to each. He concluded this seeing that the boy didn’t resemble the hero, of course. And he left the crowd aside, as no one would believe his story if he included their role…but of course, he included the crab’s intervention.

#shuumatsu no valkyrie #record of ragnarok #snv heracles #madg fanfic

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