My Dearest Clementine
Can also be read on AO3!
Rating: T
Fandom: Haikyuu!!
Pairing: Kagehina (Kageyama/Hinata)
Characters: Tobio Kageyama, Shoyo Hinata, Schweiden Adlers, Karasuno Volleyball Club
Word Count: 7,967
Summary: Tobio Kageyama prepares: he prepares his meals, his workout schedule, the best tactics in his arsenal for any given opponent.
But no matter what he does, he can't prepare for the return of one Shoyo Hinata.
A/N: Thank you to my dear friends Miranda and Parker for beta-reading! Further author’s notes can be read on AO3.
Color it gray
Until I forget you
Like I never met you
My dearest Clementine
Throw it away
But close enough to you
‘Cause although I hate you
I will still fall in love, my Clementine
Every time, always
No matter how hard I try,
My Clementine, every time
— Clementine by grentperez
——————————————————————————————————
Tobio could remember the first time Hinata had said his given name. He had been so used to him screaming his family name, barreling towards him on and off the court with a long, “Kageyaaaaamaaaaa!” Always loud, always drawn out, as though Hinata wanted the whole world to know who he was calling.
The first time he said his given name couldn’t have been more different. His voice had been so soft, so gentle, barely more than a brush of air on Tobio’s lips that were slick from his kisses. “Mm, Tobio.”
Tobio’s head had reared back, eyes wide as he stared at Hinata, who stared back with cheeks flushed from more than just their kisses. “…What?”
“Sorry! It just slipped out, I didn’t—”
“You don’t— it’s okay. I’m just…surprised.” His hand rested on Hinata’s cheek, his thumb gently tracing those sweet lips. “Say it again.”
It was always strange to see Hinata be hesitant, to see someone so boisterous and impulsive suddenly act with caution. “…Tobio.”
“Again.”
“Tobio.” His voice had finally been steady, and the sound of his given name spoken in that clear, sunny tone made Tobio dive back in, kissing deep as though he could chase the taste of his own name on Hinata’s tongue.
He was still Kageyama to everyone else, and Hinata was still Hinata. But when it was just the two of them, they would relish the taste of each other’s given names on their tongues as though they were written in the sweetest honey, would whisper them like a secret between kisses and shout them between laughs and pinching fingers.
Kageyama became Tobio became Tobi. Hinata became Shoyo became Sho. And Tobio became happier than he’d ever thought possible.
——————————————————————————————————
“IT’S HAPPENING!!”
Everyone in the locker room jumped simultaneously as Hoshiumi barreled in from the weights room. “It’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening, holy shit, I’ve been waiting for that little—”
“Korai.”
“Kept me waiting since high school—”
“Korai—”
“Gonna show him exactly why—”
“Korai!”
Hoshiumi finally broke off his frantic rambling to look at Hirugami. “Yeah?”
“Breathe, man. What’s going on?”
“This season’s lineups were just announced, and look who’s on the Black Jackals!”
He shoved his phone into Hirugami’s face, forcing the captain to lean his head back in order to actually read what was on it. His lips moved silently around the different names, until he looked back at Hoshiumi’s face with furrowed brows…and immediately snapped back to the phone. “Hold on…‘Hinata Shoyo’…isn’t that the little guy from Karasuno?”
Tobio had been ignoring Hoshiumi’s theatrics — it didn’t take much to excite him — but at the sound of that name, he froze, his practice jersey halfway on his arms.
“Yeah!” Hoshiumi was saying, taking back his phone to stare at it, eyes sparking with excitement. “The one that had to be taken out my second year. I’ve been waiting for a chance to face him again, but that jerk ran off to Brazil and left me hanging.”
“Hold on— Brazil?”
“Yeah, something about beach volleyball…? Wait, Kageyama, weren’t you his best friend or boyfriend or something? You should know! Why didn’t you say something about him joining the Jackals?”
“I…I didn’t know,” Tobio murmured, his voice barely coming out of his dry throat. He didn’t even think to try and dispute what Hoshiumi said about their relationship — he was still processing the fact that Hinata had been selected for a Division 1 team, and that Tobio had to find out with the rest of the Adlers. “He said something about going to try-outs, but…I didn’t know he got selected.”
“Huh…weird.”
For once, Tobio was grateful for how easily distracted Hoshiumi could be. Another question from Hirugami turned the spiker’s attention away from Tobio, giving him a chance to tug his jersey on and fully absorb the news.
Hinata. A Division 1 player. On the same team as Bokuto, Miya, and Sakusa. Meaning he was capable of playing at their level.
“If my memory serves,” Ushijima suddenly mused, breaking through Tobio’s spiral, “we will be playing the Jackals at the opening match of the season.”
“Oh, that’s right! Looks like you’ll have your chance to face him sooner than you thought, Korai.”
“That’s assuming he even makes first string. No way that’s happening, not with Barnes on their team.”
“He could.” Tobio stared into his locker, only distantly aware of the team’s eyes on him. “If the Jackals wanted to use the element of surprise, he’d be perfect. They could even use the freak quick with…with…”
He couldn’t seem to finish the sentence. For some reason, Miya’s name stalled on his tongue, as though he couldn’t even speak of someone besides him and Hinata doing the freak quick. Which was ridiculous, because Miya managed to replicate it within the same match that he saw it for the first time, and what setter wouldn’t immediately take advantage of Hinata’s speed and reflexes?
“Right, didn’t Miya manage to do that with his twin one year? Oh shit, wasn’t that against you guys?”
Tobio still couldn’t meet Hoshiumi’s eyes. “Yeah. It was against us.”
Hoshiumi let out a low whistle. “You setters are something else, seriously.”
The conversation dwindled a bit after that, as the team trickled out from the locker room to the gym. Tobio ended up being one of the last to leave, along with…
“Kageyama.”
He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear Ushijima’s thoughts on Hinata’s debut in the V.League, but he didn’t have a good way of preemptively leaving the conversation. “Yes, Ushijima-san?”
“Are you alright? You seem a bit…taken aback by the news about Hinata.”
Oh. That…wasn’t at all what Tobio was expecting to hear that baritone voice say. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just…surprised, is all.” When Ushijima kept watching him with a deeply probing gaze instead of ending the conversation, Tobio floundered. “Uh…thanks for asking?”
It took an extra beat for Ushijima to nod and respond. “No need for thanks. I simply wanted to make sure you were alright. Practice won’t do you any good if you’re distracted. Shall we?”
“Sure.”
——————————————————————————————————
Tobio could remember the last time Hinata had said his given name. Try as he might, the sound lingered in his mind, drifting through his thoughts when he laid alone in bed late at night, or at the sight of an empty set of swings, or when he happened to see the sunset at just the right moment.
Those moments didn’t come often, but when they did, Tobio could suddenly see the entire scene play out all over again, making his eyes burn and his heart lodge in his throat. He could hear Hinata’s voice, feel his lips, taste his tears…he could remember how he fit in his arms, how his spine felt curved against his palms.
And he could remember the loneliness, the deep, aching hole of grief that opened in his chest as he watched Hinata walk away, shoulders trembling but eyes resolutely fixed ahead.
“See you later, Tobio,” he’d said. And now, suddenly, it was three years later, and Tobio couldn’t recognize himself as the boy on that swing set. Sometimes he wondered if he would recognize Hinata, if that ball of unrestrained energy, sunshine, and chatter was still the same person that he’d been able to call his.
But then, when his self-control finally snapped, Tobio would find recordings of a recent beach volleyball tournament in Rio (surprisingly difficult to find on the internet), and he would sift through the matches until he caught sight of bright orange hair peeking out of a cap. He would watch a man made of muscle and tan skin and impossible speed leap through the air in the way he recognized, and set the ball and analyze the court in a way he didn’t recognize. His eyes were hidden under sports sunglasses and a visor, but the bottom half of his face was still exposed, and Tobio was treated to the sight of a smile so bright, it could’ve outshone the sun baking the sand under his feet.
And Tobio ached, and yearned, and wondered, and still felt his lips twitch at that familiar smile. Of course he could recognize Hinata. Who else had hair that orange and legs that springy and a voice so vibrant?
Who else could make Tobio’s heart squeeze with a single smile?
——————————————————————————————————
He’d known that Hinata was going to be first string for the game. He’d known he would finally be facing him on a volleyball court again, something he’d been waiting for ever since he’d watched Hinata walk away from him on that playground.
But then game day arrived, and Tobio realized that he was only ready for the game itself. Nothing could have prepared him for the way his heart twisted at the distant sound of someone singing in the hallway. He instantly knew it was him, singing his stupid bathroom songs the way he always did in high school. Before he could stop himself, Tobio was hurrying from the Adlers’ locker room and calling out, “Not gonna have any bowel issues today, are you?”
After all this time, he could still remember the first time he’d ever seen Hinata. He’d been a little scrap of a boy, all skinny limbs and bright hair sticking out of an old green uniform, shaking from nerves in front of a bathroom. Tobio couldn’t have known what a whirlwind that tiny thing would create in his life.
That initial meeting was the first and only time he’d ever underestimated Hinata. He certainly wasn’t going to repeat that mistake now, no matter how much this reunion mirrored that fateful day. Tobio was older, and, he liked to think, wiser.
And yet…he still wasn’t ready for the confident smile and excited gaze that Hinata pinned Tobio under. Their eyes met, and…fuck, if he hadn’t already spent the past three years yearning, Tobio could’ve fallen in love all over again with just one look.
The bathroom song was perhaps the only thing that hadn’t changed about Hinata. Those fiery strands were cut much shorter, the lines of his face had gotten sharper, and strong, thick muscles covered in perfectly tanned skin had replaced the pale wiry limbs that had made him look like a human pogo stick as a teen.
Hinata was…he was beautiful. Standing in front of him for the first time in years felt like standing in direct sunlight after being trapped in a cave. It was like all the sweet, cute, bouncy energy of his teen years had simmered down into this…this perfect embodiment of athleticism and sex appeal. Now the main signs of that ever-present energy were the glint in those warm amber eyes and the eager line of his smile.
It was clear he had learned how to better contain and direct that hyperactivity, and Tobio knew, he knew that it was all for volleyball, of course it was. But the knowledge of all that energy buzzing just beneath the surface of that tan skin, combined with how good Hinata looked, made desire sock him in the stomach. It was breathtaking how instant and strong his reaction was.
Somehow, he was able to hear Hinata’s answer through the blood rushing in his ears. “Hell no. I don’t get stomach aches before games anymore.”
“Better not, you runt.” By some small miracle, his voice came out strong and steady, revealing none of the miserable arousal pumping through him.
“Kageyama-kun, you’ve grown up!”
Oh. Right. He was still a little shit. How could Tobio forget?
He was still terribly magnetic, too. Tobio barely had him to himself for two minutes before Miya interrupted, and the next thing he knew, Ushijima and Hoshiumi had appeared with their own challenges to Hinata.
And that beautiful, stupid little tangerine of a man looked as excited at the prospect of a competition as he had in high school, meeting their challenges with a broad smile and bright eyes. But Tobio couldn’t help noticing, with a little prick of jealous satisfaction, that his bright response in the hallway had nothing on the way he looked on the court, the intensity of his eyes and the determined line of his smile when he met Tobio’s gaze through the net and shook his hand.
Watch me, that smile said, see how far I’ve climbed.
Tobio knew he was doomed when he took his place to serve, looked across the court, and automatically sought out Hinata’s eyes, which were already watching him. He told himself it was because he wanted to show off how he’d improved since high school, prove that Hinata wasn’t the only one to have evolved in the years since they’d last stood on a court together.
But then he saw Hinata receive his serve and send the ball in a perfect arc, and he couldn’t tear his eyes from the streak of orange that sped across the court and jumped — no, flew — higher than Tobio would have thought possible, spiking Miya’s perfect toss into the first point of the game. And yes, Tobio felt a pang of disappointment at the lost point, but more than anything, he felt pride. He was so desperately, breathlessly proud of Hinata, and he was desperately, breathlessly eager to challenge this new version of the Greatest Decoy.
Every time he looked through the net, his eyes found Hinata’s, as though his old partner was always watching him. And maybe he was. Maybe this return to the court together, standing on opposite sides of the net, was making a confusing cocktail of competition, determination, and want burn a path through Hinata’s veins, too.
Tobio really did feel like he was on fire. He felt it under his feet and through his veins and in his hands, ready to singe the ball every time it came to him. And he loved it. He couldn’t get enough of it. There was never a period of his life where he didn’t love volleyball, but this was the first time in years that he felt so happy, almost to the point of recklessness.
He didn’t know anything had been missing until he had it again. He didn’t know how much he’d missed this, this silly competition that meant nothing and everything to him. He could feel his lips stretching into hungry smiles, could almost feel the sparks flying from his eyes. With every new move that Hinata pulled out, Tobio could feel something in his chest squeeze tighter and tighter, until he watched Hinata save the ball with his heel and went breathless with awe.
He wanted, god, how he wanted. It was easy enough to ignore during the game, when he could process his burning blood and hungry hands and chalk them up to his need to win. But then the game ended, and there was nothing to distract him from looking directly into those warm amber eyes, and feeling those sensations intensify.
There was nothing to stop his heart from stuttering when Hinata smiled and said, “I’m here, now.”
The stab of disappointment with their loss didn’t even feel as sharp as usual. It was more an ache than a stab, settling in his stomach and throbbing next to…something else entirely. Every touch made him feel electric — the customary shaking of hands at the end of the game, the way Hinata grabbed him by the arm to drag him over to Tsukishima and Yamaguchi and Yachi, the feeling of his fist gently knocking into his shoulder when Tobio said something accidentally funny.
And he wanted, and wanted, and wanted. He wanted to grab that teasing hand, wanted to see how his pale skin contrasted with that hard-earned tan, wanted to feel Hinata’s pulse leap under his fingers and breath stutter against his lips. It was almost a relief when Bokuto pulled Hinata away to say hello to Akaashi and Udai, except some ridiculous part of Tobio wanted to stay by his side, even if it meant he’d continue being distracted by his own dwindling restraint.
Three years, and he was still just as weak for that short, hyperactive, happy streak of orange as he was in high school. Never mind that Hinata had grown, both in height and muscle, and he now had an acute control of his energy that let him channel it when he most needed it. Never mind that he was playing better than Tobio could’ve imagined in his wildest dreams. The longing to let his hands sink into ginger hair and wrap around a strong waist and slide between nimble fingers felt the same now as it did in high school.
“Tobio!”
He jumped at the sudden call of his given name, and looked around to find Sokolov waving him over to where he was standing in front of an interviewer and camera. “Your turn, man,” the middle blocker sighed, not even bothering to hide his relief. “I think they’re sick of interviewing in English.”
“Ah…alright.” Tobio hated doing press, hated the added pressure of every word he said being recorded for posterity. But for just that moment, he was glad for the distraction. The stress of finding the right words and right intonation for them could overwhelm the misery of his feelings for that stupid tangerine.
It worked a little too well. The interviews blurred together, and then he was meeting and greeting with fans, then catching up with more old friends, classmates, teammates, and rivals — and it was nice, it really was, but by the end of it all, the only thing he wanted was to disappear into the relative peace of the locker room.
“Yamayama-kun!”
Ah. He was so close to escaping, too.
Tobio turned to see Hinata running towards him, smile so bright it could have blinded him if he hadn’t seen it so much during the match. “What?”
“Geez, good to see you, too,” Hinata scoffed, landing a light shove at Tobio’s shoulder when he reached him. “You didn’t say anything when Suga-san invited us to dinner. You’re gonna come, right?”
“I…” Part of him, much smaller than before but still there, wanted to decline the invitation. It was the instinctive part of him, the part that wanted to spend every waking moment thinking about or playing or training for volleyball. Just then, he also wanted to hop in the shower and recover from the gauntlet of press and publicity that came after every match.
But these were his old friends, his first teammates to really let him feel like a team could also be a family, the first team he wanted to play with for as long as possible because of who they were together, not just because of the glory of winning. Even if Hinata hadn’t been there, gazing at him with warm brown eyes glittering with entreaty, he would’ve said yes.
As it was, he couldn’t resist leaving Hinata hanging for longer than he needed to, before he finally nodded. “Yeah, I’ll come. Of course I will. And quit calling me ‘Yamayama,’ it’s weird.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“It sounds like a nickname you’d give to Yamaguchi, it’d get confusing.”
“But I don’t call him that. I call him ‘Gucci-kun.’”
Tobio stared at Hinata, who stared right back, his face strangely blank. “…You’re kidding.”
“Am I?”
“Hinata—”
Finally he broke, his held back laughter escaping him as very unattractive snorts. “No, stupid, I just call him Yamaguchi-kun! Y’know, how friends do?”
Tobio’s hand shot out to grab at those ginger tufts, but Hinata was already dodging before his hand even reached him. Ninja Shoyo, indeed.
“Ok, fine!” Hinata cackled. “Then…how about fofinho?”
“The hell? What does that mean?”
“I’m not gonna tell you,” Hinata sang.
“You can’t call me that if you’re not gonna tell me what it means!”
“But that’s the fun part! And it rhymes with your name, it’s perfect!”
“Barely,” Tobio grumbled. “If I ask Romero and he tells me it’s something stupid, I’m gonna kick your ass.”
“If you manage to ask Romero anything, it’d be a miracle.”
“My English has gotten better!”
“Better than barely saying ‘hello’? That’s not a very high bar.”
“You’re gonna eat your words when I go to Italy, dumbass.” The taunt slipped out from pure habit, and he could see Hinata’s eyes widen just a bit before he burst into laughter.
Annoyance prickled through Tobio, but with it came a strange sense of both relief and longing. It was so…easy, falling back into this banter, this teasing, grabbing at orange hair and flushed cheeks. It was too easy — if Tobio wasn’t careful, he knew would lean down to steal a kiss out of habit, and he…he didn’t know if he could. If he was allowed. And he definitely didn’t know how to ask.
“You better be at dinner,” Hinata said, breaking Tobio out of his dazed stare, “or I’ll break into your hotel room and drag you out.”
He really would, was the thing. He wouldn’t succeed, he wasn’t smart enough for that, but he’d try, especially if he had Miya and Bokuto egging him on. “I’ll be there, dumbass, quit trying to get yourself arrested and off the team.”
“Good! Then I’ll see ya later, fofinho!”
“Oi!”
Hinata ran off with a cackle, a sound that should not have made fondness bloom in Tobio’s chest. God. He was an Olympian, a volleyball genius, one of the best setters in Japan, and here he was, folding like an old letter at Hinata’s glittering brown eyes and boisterous laugh.
“Kageyama.” He jumped and looked around frantically to see Romero watching him with a kind, bemused smile. “Coach wants the whole team to gather up.”
“Ah. Right.” His brain still wasn’t used to snapping between languages, though he was slowly getting better at it.
He was silent as he joined Romero, and he’d expected that silence to last the whole walk back. So when Romero suddenly spoke up, it took Tobio an extra beat to understand him. “You and Ninja Shoyo are pretty close, huh?”
“Ah…a little. We haven’t seen each other since high school.” He didn’t have the words to explain the deep, confusing layers of their relationship, and even if he did, he wasn’t sure he would have wanted to explain all that.
Romero looked surprised. “Oh. Huh. I thought…with that nickname…”
Tobio frowned in confusion. “Nickname? You mean that…uh…”
“Fofinho?”
“Yeah, that. He won’t tell me what it means.”
Romero’s laugh wasn’t mean-spirited at all. If anything, he sounded genuinely delighted to be the one to enlighten Tobio. “It means ‘cutie.’ It’s mostly used between couples or family. I guess friends could use it, but not ones who haven’t seen each other in a while.”
Something in Tobio’s chest squeezed, so tightly that it was a minor miracle his voice didn’t crack when he spoke. “…Couples?”
“Yeah! Wait, do you not know that word in English?”
“N-no, I do. I’m just…surprised, I guess.”
“I would be, too.” There was something meaningful in Romero’s gaze, almost knowing, and it was enough to make Tobio feel grateful when they joined the rest of the team and the ace’s focus was distracted away from him.
Hinata must’ve known. There was no way he’d learned the nickname without also learning its connotations. But there was also the chance that he was just teasing Tobio without really meaning anything by it. Maybe Tobio was just letting hope overtake reason for the umpteenth time that day.
His post-game routine helped settle him a bit — the review of the game, showering, cleaning his equipment and listening to the rest of the team ribbing each other. He’d nearly forgotten about the dinner by the time he wandered out of the gymnasium, until he saw Tanaka and Shimizu — or, the Tanakas now, he guessed — waiting by a little, deep red car. “Oi, Kageyama!” Tanaka called with a big wave. “Want a ride to dinner?”
“Oh. Yeah, if you don’t mind.”
“Wouldn’t offer if I did, man! Hop in!”
Tobio waved away the questioning looks Hoshiumi and Hirugami sent him. “Dinner with the old team,” he explained, waiting for the confusion to fade from their faces before he jogged over to the Tanakas and slid into the backseat.
“What about the others?” he asked as he tugged the seatbelt across his body.
“Yamaguchi and Tsukishima gave Yacchan and Hinata a ride,” Tanaka explained, steering the car out of the gym parking lot, “and Suga-san and Daichi-san took Asahi-san.”
“Ah. What about Coach and Takeda-sensei?”
“They had to take the team back to the school,” Kiyoko said with a small smile. “They’ll try to join us if it’s not too late.”
Tobio nodded and leaned back in the seat, letting his mind wander as he watched the familiar scenery of his hometown drift past. He was distantly aware of the Tanakas quietly talking, and Kiyoko brushing something out of Ryuu’s hair as he drove. He never thought he’d ever be in an enclosed space with Tanaka that was quiet, but he didn’t question it.
He didn’t know how much time passed, but suddenly Tanaka was announcing, “Here we are!” and parking the car near an izakaya. Tobio blinked, noticing the group that had gathered just outside — his first year team, chatting and laughing like no time had passed.
He slid out of the car just as Tanaka called, “What’s up, everybody?” The chatter quieted as everyone looked over to the new arrivals, like the calm before the storm that was everyone shouting greetings.
“Hey, slowpokes!”
“Wow, Kageyama, you actually came!”
“What took you guys so long?”
“We weren’t that long,” Tanaka scoffed, “We left maybe five minutes after Yachi and the others did.”
“Were you licking your wounds after losing, fofinho?” Tobio’s stomach swooped at the sound of the nickname, and his eyes shot down to see Hinata at his side, shit-eating grin spread wide across his face.
“You wish,” Tobio snorted, a small grin curving his lips despite himself. “I was just thinking about how I’ll kick your ass next time. You won’t be such a surprise then.”
“You never knowwww, maybe I’ll even get a few service aces on you!”
“Did you already start drinking? Why’re you saying so much bullshit?”
“Alright!” Sawamura bellowed with a clap of his hands, his voice carrying over the chaos like it always did. “Let’s head inside and get some seats before our freak duo start chewing each other’s heads off.”
Tobio flushed to the sound of everyone laughing as they stepped inside. There was an unmistakable look of dread falling over the waitstaff’s faces at the sight of their group, but they still helped to pull some tables together and took everyone’s orders.
“So,” Sugawara began as soon as everyone settled into their seats, “first things first! Tell us everything about Brazil, Hinata-kun!”
With a bright laugh, Hinata started filling in the group on everything he’d been up to in Brazil: beach volleyball, training, the many mishaps of his food delivery job, the people he met and the person he unexpectedly reunited with. It seemed like everyone knew different bits and pieces about his time away, and every so often someone would jump in to fill in any blanks Hinata inadvertently left.
It was all so familiar and comfortable, and for the first time since the reunion in the hallway, Tobio felt himself fully relax. He was happy to sit there, and listen, and watch Hinata from across the table as he waved his hands around and uttered nonsense sound effects and smiled endlessly.
“I missed him, too,” he suddenly heard Yachi murmur. He turned his head to see her smiling kindly at him, with a certain perceptive glint in her eyes. It was only by seeing her smile that Tobio realized he had a smile of his own on his lips, and it immediately fell off his face. He couldn’t understand why that made Yachi giggle behind her hand. “You don’t want to admit you missed him?”
“It’s not— of course I missed him,” Tobio mumbled, just loud enough for Yachi to hear. “But I missed all of you guys.”
“It’s not the same. You know it’s not the same.”
His shoulders fell in defeat. There never was any point in trying to lie or hide something from her. “…No. It’s not.”
Yachi didn’t say anything else. She just smiled, and leaned against his side for a moment, her slight weight comforting enough to make him lean back against her. The gesture made affection bloom inside him — he really had missed this group of people, especially his classmates (even Tsukishima, though he’d rather pull out his own teeth that admit that out loud). He had yet to meet someone with Yachi’s sharp observations and quiet acts of comfort, and it was really, really nice to be on the receiving end of her kindness again. It bolstered him enough to dip back into the conversation, which Asahi was bashfully leading on his turn to get everyone up to date on his life.
At some point the conversation turned to romance, much to Kageyama’s mortification. It started when Tobio’s plans to join Ali Roma came up and Shimizu mentioned that she and Tanaka had thought about going to Rome for their honeymoon. Then Tanaka announced that Ennoshita was engaged, and Sugawara talked about the cat that he and Sawamura were in the process of adopting. Even Yachi wasn’t safe — when she smilingly asked Tsukishima when his first match was, he rebutted by asking when she was going to finally ask her pretty coworker out.
“Didn’t you take five years to confess to Yamaguchi?” Hinata snorted. “Where do you get off teasing anyone for taking their time?”
“We can’t all speedrun the world’s dumbest enemies-to-lovers arc.” Tsukishima’s words made Tobio’s hand freeze in raising his beer to his mouth, and brought a flush to Hinata’s cheeks. The blonde noticed, and a smug grin curled over his lips. “Some of us actually worried about the repercussions of hare-brained romances.”
“Speaking of romaaaance,” Sugawara crooned, resting his cheek on his hand to smile at Hinata. “What was the dating scene like in Rio? I’ve heard it can make Tokyo look like the world’s strictest church.”
Hinata’s flush crept to his ears, but he otherwise looked unaffected as he returned Sugawara’s smile. “I think most countries’ dating scenes make Japan look a little repressed,” he chuckled, before shrugging. “It was alright. I didn’t really participate in it much.”
“Really?” Sugawara’s eyes flickered to Tobio, and in that split second, Tobio could recognize their probing edge. “No one caught your fancy?”
“Not really. I…saw…a few people, but no one special enough to distract me from volleyball!”
His mention of volleyball wasn’t enough to distract from the heavy suggestion behind “saw.” Sugawara’s eyebrows shot up his forehead just as Tanaka let out a quiet wolf-whistle, but before anyone could even attempt prying, Tsukishima groaned, “Can we please, please, talk about anything besides Hinata’s Brazilian sex life? Dinner was delicious, I really don’t want to throw it all up.”
“Gross, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi laughed. Tsukishima turned his head to sigh at his boyfriend, but not before his eyes glanced over Tobio’s hold on his beer.
Tobio automatically followed his eyeline, and was startled to see his hand gripping the glass so hard, his knuckles were turning white. He immediately loosened his hold, and when he looked back up, Tsukishima was busy rolling his eyes as Yamaguchi rocked into his side with a teasing smile.
Tobio’s ears burned. That prick was just as observant as ever, but now he took less glee in other people’s embarrassment. Tobio almost missed when they would just snap biting words at each other. At least then he wouldn’t feel this strange mix of gratitude and embarrassment swirling in his chest.
His gaze wandered around the table as the conversation did, thankfully, turn away from the topic of romance. Nostalgia and fondness spread warm from his chest at the sight of this team, the first team to take Karasuno to Nationals, the first team that felt like a family, all gathered around once again.
Then his gaze fell on Hinata, and his heart jolted at the sight of him already watching him. Those amber eyes widened just a bit at being caught, but Hinata was never one to shy away, and the way he raised his eyebrows and very slightly ducked his chin in an unspoken question made an ache join the swirl of emotions spreading through Tobio. He could still read that face like an open book, and right now it was asking him, Everything ok?
Tobio narrowed his eyes just a bit and let the corner of his lips curve down in a suppressed smile. I’ll be fine, mind your business.
Hinata’s lips pressed thin against the laugh that Tobio could already see making his shoulders curve in, and Tobio felt a foot gently press down on his toes under the table. His breath caught in his throat as he was suddenly sent back to his first year, when they were still trying to keep their relationship secret from the rest of the team. Whenever Hinata wanted to squeeze at his fingers but was sitting across from him instead of right next to him, he would step lightly on Tobio’s toes in the closest imitation of comforting pressure he could manage.
And there it was again, a longing so strong he was breathless from it. Hinata was…he…he had to know. He had to know what he was doing. There was no possible way that he didn’t. He could be an idiot, but not where people were concerned.
Tobio kept staring at him, soaking in every detail he could, every micro expression that flickered over those bright features. Despite the sharper lines and tanned skin and veneer of calm, simmering energy, Tobio still knew those features with a certainty he rarely felt off of the volleyball court. But when he saw longing lingering under the comfort and familiarity and happiness shining from Hinata’s face as they gazed at each other, Tobio thought that maybe, just maybe, he’d been wrong. Maybe he didn’t know that face as well as he’d thought.
The rest of dinner passed in a buzzed, blissful blur. Tobio didn’t let himself have more than one beer, but he still watched a gentle glow settle over his old friends as the night went on, filling him with a sense of comfort he hadn’t felt around a group of people in a long time. Even though it was pretty late by the time they paid for the meal and slowly made their way outside, Tobio couldn’t help feeling a little saddened that the night was over.
Sawamura, Sugawara, and Azumane were the first ones to leave, making sure to wrap everyone in warm hugs before they drove away. Then Yamaguchi let out a small sigh and turned to Hinata and Yachi. “Where are you guys staying? We can drop you off.”
“Oh, I’m just staying with my mom!” Yachi chirped.
Hinata, strangely enough, took an extra beat to answer. “Actually…the hotel we’re staying at isn’t too far from here. I might just walk, take in the old stomping grounds, y’know?”
“Are you sure? You just played a helluva game.”
“Yeah.” Hinata shot Yamaguchi a reassuring smile. Tobio wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it, but he could’ve sworn he saw Hinata’s eyes flicker over Yamaguchi’s shoulder to look at him. “I’m sure.”
“God, I can’t wait for your endless energy to run out one day,” Tsukishima bitched, as though his lips weren’t threatening to curve into a smile.
“Missed you, too, Tsukishima!”
Yamaguchi laughed as he pat Hinata on the shoulder and made his way to his car. “Let us know when you get to the hotel. Great job out there today.”
“Thank you!” After Yachi squeezed a final hug from Hinata, their classmates also drove away, leaving Hinata, Tobio, and the Tanakas.
“How about you, Kageyama?” Tanaka asked. There was a somewhat knowing glint to his eyes that was a little unnerving to see. “Where are you staying?”
Tobio opened his mouth to answer…but his words stalled in his throat when his eyes met Hinata’s. There was no mistaking the look on his face — open entreaty, and this time, the yearning was clear to see.
“I, ah…I’m actually staying in the same hotel as Hinata,” Tobio blurted. “So…I can walk back with him.”
Oh, those were definitely knowing smiles on both of the Tanakas’ faces. “Alright. Well, get back safe. And come visit sooner! You better not take an entire volleyball season to visit again.”
Tobio let out a small laugh as he accepted Tanaka’s hug. “I’ll see what I can do.”
And then there were two.
“I, um…” Tobio cringed at how awkward he already sounded. “My team’s not in the same hotel as yours, but we’re close by, so…I just thought…”
“I know. I was hoping you would.” The smile on Hinata’s lips was smaller than the others he’d worn that day, but still filled with emotions Tobio was almost scared to name: happiness, wistfulness, eagerness, and more. He was so caught in it, he almost missed Hinata’s tilted head until he heard, “Shall we?”
“Ah. Yeah.”
The ease that Tobio had felt around Hinata in the Sendai gymnasium and izakaya had fled him, leaving an atmosphere between them that was heavy with unspoken emotions. That didn’t stop Hinata from trying to just…chat with Tobio, asking about his parents and Miwa and offering to help with the hellish process of preparing to move and work overseas.
Tobio could see right through him, and he truthfully did appreciate it. Hinata was probably the only person in the world who wouldn’t have choked on the thick air, with his easy charisma and understanding of people. But Tobio still hated it. He’d had enough of these stilted conversations from the texts and calls they’d sprinkled throughout three years.
He held strong until he spotted Hinata’s hotel just a few blocks away. Then panic seized him — they couldn’t just part ways like this, without actually saying anything — and he finally blurted out, “Did you mean it? What you said about Brazil?”
Hinata’s brows furrowed just a bit as a bemused smile tugged at his lips. “I said a lot about Brazil.”
“I know, but…about the people?”
Confusion lingered on Hinata’s face for another beat, before understanding swept it away. “About dating there?”
Tobio felt his ears grow warm. “…Yeah.”
“I did. I meant it.” Hinata scuffed a shoe against the sidewalk. “I wasn’t looking for romance or anything. And even if I were, there just…wasn’t anyone who would’ve been worth it.” His eyes drifted up from the pavement to look at Tobio. “…What about you? You didn’t really say anything when everyone else was talking about dating and stuff.”
“Cuz there isn’t anything to say,” Tobio muttered. “I didn’t bother with dates, and Hoshiumi-san tried to play wingman for exactly one night at a club before we both gave up.” The memory made him smile, despite the embarrassment prickling through him.
“Oh.” It took everything in Tobio to not try and hear relief in that one word. “Would you want to date anyone?”
Tobio heard the unspoken question behind those words, and met Hinata’s eyes before he said, “Yeah. If they were worth it.”
It was strange, seeing Hinata fall quiet and nod through new information. It was a contemplation Tobio thought he’d never see from him outside of a volleyball court. Seeing it now made a mix of nerves and anticipation pump through Tobio.
“Could I…be worth it?”
There it was. Tobio’s heart leapt to his throat, pressing out his air and leaving him breathless. But his answer still rose immediately to his lips as he froze and waited for Hinata to stop walking, too.
He watched him realize he was walking alone, and stop, and turn to look at him with wide amber eyes. And with his heart still beating in his throat, Tobio murmured, “Yes. You always were. You still would be.”
There was a moment, a breath, where Tobio got to watch his words sink in, got to watch Hinata’s growing smile push at flushed cheeks. And then Hinata was grabbing his hand and leading him down a small side street hidden mostly in the shadows.
As soon as they were both out of sight of the main street, Tobio felt hands wrap into his jacket and gently press him to the brick wall, before Hinata used his hold as leverage to bring their faces close. Tobio’s heart skipped a beat at the feeling of Hinata’s nose brushing his and his breath ghosting across his cheeks, and his eyes fluttered shut as he waited eagerly for the press of lips against his…but it never came.
“Tobio.” His eyes blinked open to find Hinata watching him with a small smile. “Kiss me.”
He said it with the same casual command that used to color his voice when he asked— no, demanded that Tobio toss to him.
And just like before, Tobio couldn’t refuse him, especially when he’d wanted the same thing the entire night.
He leaned forward to press their lips together, and oh…it was a miracle Tobio didn’t start crying on the spot. Kissing Hinata felt like the axis of his world was set right. It felt like going to Nationals for the first time, and accepting his offer from the Adlers, and qualifying for the Olympic team.
It felt like finding a partner who could finally keep up with him on the court, and learning that partner wanted him just as much off the court, too. It felt like being a dumb high schooler getting kissed for the first time by the first and only person he’d ever wanted so much.
Tobio’s hands rose to Hinata’s waist and traced a path to his back, where they flattened against his spine and pulled him even closer. He’d gotten taller and stronger since their last kiss, but the soft noises that escaped him and the warmth of his mouth still achingly, breathtakingly the same. And when Tobio’s hand fell to the small of his back and pressed their hips together, Tobio realized that…other things had stayed the same as well.
With a quiet whimper, Hinata suddenly pulled away, eyes wide with embarrassment. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
Before he could step away, Tobio pulled his body back in and let their lips ghost against each other as he murmured, “Don’t. Don’t apologize.” He let his hips rock into Hinata, and he felt as much as heard his soft gasp at the feeling of Tobio being just as affected by all this.
When Hinata finally spoke again, his voice sounded a touch rough, making Tobio’s stomach drop from how badly he wanted. “When does your team leave tomorrow?”
“Eleven.”
“Mine, too.” Hinata’s fingers fell to Tobio’s collar and tightened in the fabric. “Can I…can I spend the night with you?”
“Fuck,” Tobio breathed, “yes, god, yeah, you can.” He didn’t even have it in him to feel embarrassed at Hinata’s soft laugh.
“Bokuto-san is staying with Akaashi-san tonight…”
“Then why are we still out here?”
This time Hinata’s laugh was loud and bright and made Tobio feel like he was bathing in sunshine in the middle of the night. He sounded like sunshine, and he felt like sunshine in Tobio’s hands, and when he was pressed against his hotel room door and moaning into Tobio’s mouth, he tasted like sunshine, too.
Tobio was in the middle of pressing kisses down Hinata’s neck and letting his hands wander under his shirt when he suddenly heard a soft, “Tobio.”
“Mm?”
“Tobio, wait.”
Those two words alone were enough to make Tobio’s stomach drop as he pulled away to meet Hinata’s eyes. Had he done something wrong? Did Hinata change his mind? “…What is it?”
“Just…this isn’t only a one-night stand for me. I need you to know that. This isn’t just about sex.”
Relief washed over Tobio, alongside a little bit of confusion. He carefully cupped Hinata’s cheek, his thumb tracing over a cheekbone where before there had just been a sweet curve. “I know,” he murmured, “Me, too.”
“No, I don’t mean…I don’t mean I just want to date you.” His gaze sharpened, arousal apparently forgotten in favor of making sure Tobio understood him. “I mean…I mean I still love you, Tobio. I loved my time in Brazil, and I always would’ve wanted to improve my playing, but…but I also couldn’t stop thinking about how it would all pay off when I stood on a court with you again. And then it did, and I…it’s like I can’t breathe from how much I still love you.”
Tobio’s body reacted before he fully understood the words. His blood felt like champagne in his veins, and he felt almost light-headed from stunned glee. “You still love me? After all this time?”
“Yeah. Never stopped.”
That was it. That was all Tobio could listen to before he pulled Hinata’s lips to his. “Me, too,” he murmured between kisses, “me, too, Sho.”
As soon as he said the old nickname, he heard Hinata’s breath catch. Then Hinata was smiling against his lips, pressing close as Tobio carefully maneuvered them to the bed. Tobio felt an ache return to his chest, but this time it was sweet, so sweet, like his heart was growing too large for his chest. It was like everything he’d wanted for three years was suddenly in his grasp within a single day. Even the Adlers’ defeat felt small compared to the triumph of holding Hinata again.
It should’ve been too good to be true. Hinata was back, and they were playing together, and somehow, somehow, he still loved him as much as Tobio did. But as Tobio pressed him to his bed and relearned his body to the sound of his sweet gasps and moans, he decided he’d much rather enjoy this impossible happiness than question it.
——————————————————————————————————
(Later, when they laid next to each other, sweat drying from their skin and eyes growing heavy with exhaustion, Tobio took a minute to absorb the addicting sight of Hinata dozing next to him again, before gently pinching his cheek to rouse him. “Hey.”
“Hm?”
“Did you know your little Portuguese nickname is used by couples?”
“‘Course I did,” Hinata mumbled drowsily, batting Tobio’s hand from his cheek to tangle their fingers together. “It’s called ‘manifesting,’ fofinho.”
“More like wishful thinking.”
“Whatever. It worked, didn’t it?” His eyes slowly blinked open, and he pinned Tobio under a sleepy, wonderfully fond smile.
“A random nickname wasn’t going to change anything, dumbass,” Tobio scoffed, as if his cheeks weren’t growing warm.
“What, you really hate it that much?”
“I don’t hate it, I just…prefer something else.” Tobio’s eyes flickered from Hinata’s to focus on where their hands rested in the small space between them, but that didn’t keep him from hearing his soft, knowing laugh.
“Okay.” Hinata let go of his hand in favor of draping his arm over Tobio’s waist and snuggling into his chest. “Okay, Tobi.”)
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