#my chemical woman e
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gerard way performing with my chemical romance at riotfest 2022, via kacy meinecke on instagram
#my shoes#gerard#mcr#riot fest#photography#gerard way#chicago#my chemical woman e#my chemical romance#my shows
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summary: The morning after confessions and years of self-imposed unrequited love, you and Bucky are finally together. Happy. Until a woman from Bucky’s past shows up and threatens everything.
pairing: bucky x reader
word count: 9k
warnings: stalking, psycho ex-girlfriend, kidnapping, canon level violence, bucky is a precious little angel in this one and I still made it angsty lol
a/n: I usually end my fics with the big confessions and the ‘I love yous’, so I thought it would be interesting to start a story at the happy ending and consider the potential threats to it after it would have typically ended! (Also - the woman in the header is the ex, not y/n)
A wet, sticky substance dripped down the base of your neck. Thick and oozing, it trailed in large droplets down your spine, drawing a tense shiver from between your bones. It took a moment as you came to, blinded by the sting of florescent lighting hanging overhead. Your vision was tunneled, swaying in doubles as you looked in the cobwebs hanging the corners of the empty room, then to the dust lining the floorboards. Metal cuffs seared into your wrists, securing you to the single chair at the center of the room. Skin raw and blistered underneath.
Vague flashes – memories – of a washcloth pressed against your nose and mouth, suffocating you until you inhaled – burning in your lungs with every breath until it stole your defenses and rendered you to the darkness. You could still feel the burn of it in your chest. Hot and aching. The taste of chemicals on your tongue.
Your voice was a razor to your throat as you managed to choke out, “What have you done?”
A woman emerged from the shadows – a cold, satisfied look in her eye. “What I had to.”
***
T W O W E E K S E A R L I E R
You slid out from Bucky’s bedroom just after sunrise in search of the last two donuts in the kitchen. It had taken most of your willpower to crawl out from under his arms and leave his sleeping form behind, but you’d escape for a valiant purpose. The last chocolate glazed donut wasn’t going to eat itself. Unless Clint got to it first.
You’d never known Bucky to sleep as soundly as he did last night. You were so used to hearing his quiet footsteps pacing back forth through the early hours of the morning, his tossing and turning, his screams when he could no longer fight off the demons in his wake. But he had closed his eyes the night before without hesitation – his arms folded warm around your body, his lips over your temple, and he didn’t stir again through the night.
Perhaps it had something to do with mess of desperate confessions you’d shared that evening. His recklessness in the field had driven you to the edge and he didn’t seem to care. He had nothing, he’d said. Nothing important enough to come back to, so why did it matter if he was the one taking all the risks, who would care if he took it a step too far?
You’d argued with him until your lungs burned, until tears swelled in your eyes and still—he wouldn’t relent. It wasn’t until you finally admitted the feelings you held for him that he took pause. Once the words spilled from your lips, they tumbled – like the break at the edge of a waterfall.
You told him how helplessly you loved him, how it chipped pieces off your heart when he came home bloodied and broken and didn’t seem to care, how it would shatter you endlessly if something were to take him from you completely.
You didn’t stop until you were breathless. Until tears were wet against your cheeks and your chest rose heavy and labored. But it was the silence that follow that scared you the most – the lingering fear of losing him in the wake of your confession. But his silence was made of disbelief. It was filled with years' worth of questions and contemplation as he ran back every interaction you’d shared.
Once the shock wore off and you’d resided to his rejection, Bucky shared his own agonizing admission that he’d spent years trying to suffocate those very same feelings. He’d spent his night under warm bodies of women he could hardly look in the eye. He wasted away on booze that barely touched his system. He drowned himself in the certain truth that he would never be good enough for you – too broken, too heavy with the weight of his crimes, resembling the sort of monster that often chased you in your own dreams.
Confessions that led to stunned silence between you. But then, a smile of relief. A laugh. Tears. Jumping into his arms and his lips over your neck. His kiss on your mouth. A desperate plea as he gazed in your eyes because his hands were shaking against your hips, fingertips slipping against the band of your shorts. Needy to make up for so much lost time together – to feel you, to know you, to apologize for his blindness, to love you the way he so often imagined.
Perhaps Bucky slept soundly in the wake of shared desire. His heart racing in his chest, a gleam of sweat over his skin, a blissful smile on his lips as his eyelids fluttered shut. It was relief you shared. To finally be with one another, to no longer have to parade under the mask he hid his feelings under. To be able to call you his own and to know he was yours.
He didn’t stir once. Not even as you lifted his arm and slid out from his embrace. Not as you bent down a pressed a warm kiss to his temple. Not even as you pulled his t-shirt over your head and slipped out into the hallway. One last look as his peaceful form laid over the bed, sheets curled up at his waist and exposing his bare chest. Comfortable. Eased.
You admired him only a moment longer before you escaped to the kitchen in search of those donuts.
The box was still waiting on the kitchen counter and a skip nearly hopped in your step as you scurried around the corner to grab them.
“Morning, Y/n.”
You jumped, hand clutching at your chest as you spotted Sam Wilson standing at the edge of the kitchen, sipping a steaming mug of coffee.
“Dammit, Wilson,” you hushed, willing your heart to slow down. “You scared me.”
Slowly, you inched towards the donut box, peering inside to make sure Clint hadn’t taken the last two in one of his typical midnight snack runs. Sure enough, both remained and you couldn't help the grin that curled over your lips. Breakfast in bed was the perfect way to draw Bucky from his sleep, to remind him that everything you shared the night before was real and perfect and wonderful.
“I see Barnes finally manned up, huh?” Sam smirked. It took until he gestured to your outfit that you realized you were only dressed in Bucky’s t-shirt, your legs exposed to the tops of your thighs. In the hall behind you, Bucky’s bedroom was cracked from where you had escaped. You winced, tugging the fabric of his shirt lower on your thighs.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” Sam chuckled, setting the coffee on the counter. “I’ve been after him to tell you for months.”
You bit your lip, taking a quick, cautious glance towards Bucky’s room. A smile inched on your mouth, heart stammering a little louder. “Took until I said it first, but good to know he’s been dragging his feet for so long.”
“Sounds like maybe you have been, too,” Sam reminded you.
You nodded. Almost two years of it. This terrible back and forth of loving him from a distance, watching him bring home girl after girl from the bar, listening as he promised to call them in the morning and never did. The casual flirting, the mutual jealousy, the acknowledgement that there was something more than the friendship you portrayed and still too paralyzed to do anything to change it.
Until last night.
“I’m happy for you guys,” Sam finally admitted, and you were surprised to find his words entirely genuine. He picked up his coffee again, crossing the room on his way to the balcony to watch the sunrise. He paused, leaning over your shoulder. “Just don’t become that insufferable sort of couple, you hear me? All that PDA and lovey-dovey nonsense. I’d hate to have to tease you mercilessly about it.”
You laughed; a flush of welcomed warmth in your cheeks. “Pretty sure you would do that either way, Sam.”
Sam winked, shrugging his shoulders as he backed onto the porch. “Got me there.”
When you finally returned to Bucky’s room, donut box in hand, Bucky was sitting up on the bed. With his back to you, you could see every ripple and layer of muscle carved into his spine – the fusion of flesh into the vibranium that appeared less scarred since Shuri gifted him the new arm. His hands curled into the edge of the mattress, handfuls of sheets in his palm. Tension rippled down his spine.
Slowly, you clicked the door behind you and Bucky’s head snapped to you, a brief moment of shock before the relief settled in. It hit like a bullet to your chest, his obvious surprise to see you return. You fought to keep a smile pressed to your lips.
“Didn’t see you when I woke up,” Bucky said hesitantly as he crossed the room to you. “Thought you might have wandered off on me.”
It was a deflection, a teasing joke to cover his very real fear that you’d left him after your night together, that maybe he was only worth one good lay and his heart laid bare wasn’t enough for you. It was the very reason he held himself back for so long – terrified to admit how wholly you'd taken his heart.
You set the donut box on the edge of his bed, sliding your free hands up his chest to rest on the sides of his face. Thumbs brushing sweetly over his cheekbones and drawing away his tension with the touch of your hands.
“Nowhere else I’d rather be,” you said and you hoped he heard the sincerity in your voice.
Bucky grinned as he leaned down to kiss you. It was a new feeling, to be kissed by him so earnestly, to be kissed good morning and ‘just because.’ You savored each one, even knowing there were more to be had. An endless supply for as long as he would give you. An eternity, maybe.
“Is that the last chocolate glaze?” Bucky inquired as his stomach let out a rumbling growl. You laughed, nodding as you handed him the box. He picked it up, sighing at the smell. “You sure you don’t want it, sweetheart?”
“I’m good, Buck. I’ve got this one,” you said, picking up the final donut in the box. It wasn’t chocolate glaze, but you remembered Bucky’s stories of the chocolate donuts in Coney Island when he was a kid. It was more than just a sweet treat to him – it was a memory. And you liked seeing him smile, even with chocolate icing on his lips.
“You’re perfect, you know that?” Bucky grinned, mouth full of donut. Lost in the comfort of sweets and the ease of you beside him, he muttered “I love you,” in a heavy, exhale. Then, he froze, eyes wide. He took a cautious step back. “Sorry, I, uh... I know a lot has changed in the last twelve hours and I don’t want to scare you off but... no more secrets, right? I won’t hide anything from you and especially not this. You mean too much to me and I won’t hide how I—”
“I love you, too.” It was the easiest thing you’d ever said.
Bucky tossed the rest of the donut in the box, lunging towards you and throwing the both of you onto the bed. His sticky sweet lips trailed over your cheeks, your jaw, the edge of your neck where your collar met his shirt, and back to your lips where he tasted of sugar and chocolate. You laughed against his mouth and wondered if it were possible to ever grow tired of his kiss.
***
Days later and you were still lifted in the high of being with Bucky.
Sam – true to his word – teased you both mercilessly, but Bucky didn’t seem to mind one bit. He’d roll his eyes at Sam and tug you a little closer to his side, swing your legs over his lap, and kiss you right on the lips. If you looked close enough, you swore you saw the corner of Sam’s mouth curve at the left edge when he turned away.
Despite spending the better part of the last four days together, Bucky wined incessantly when Steve ordered him and Sam away for debrief. Sam had muttered a short, ‘see this is the insufferable nonsense I was talking about,’ as he dragged Bucky away from you by the collar of his shirt. It was all in jest. Even Bucky gave you a short wink as he finally stopped dragging his feet and gave Sam a good shove as they jogged to the conference room.
You had a few hours to spare before Bucky would come looking for you again, so you figured you might as well get your run in now. Bucky would slow his pace for you even before the change in your relationship. Half of you wondered if now he might just pick you up and carry you instead.
The elevator door dinged on the ground floor and the doors opened. You tugged a light tighter at the elastic securing your hair and gave a short wave to the security at the desk. You were just about to turn up your music when you heard a woman’s voice arguing with the receptionist.
“I’m here to see James Barnes,” the woman said firmly, as if it wasn’t the first time. She tapped her manicured nails against the counter, one after the other in a perfect cascade.
The receptionist flushed red, her gaze flickering nervously towards the security officer in the corner of the lobby. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’re not on the guest list today. Perhaps if you schedule an appointment—”
“I don’t think you understand who I am,” the woman shot back impatiently.
“I could help you book a time to meet with the Avengers’ publicist if you—”
“Can I help you?” You approached the woman from the side, slowly pulling your headphones off and rested the band around your neck. You gave her a short smile as she turned to you.
Dressed in a form fitted cocktail dress and heels sharper than Natasha’s daggers, she studied you a moment longer before answering. Her silky black hair swung over her shoulders. “No, that’s quite all right. I’m looking to speak to James, so if you don’t mind—”
“I’m his girlfriend,” you offered quickly, though an awkward wince shortly followed. “Well, actually, we haven’t talked about that yet. It’s new, but—” you laughed, trying to cover your embarrassment as you ran chilled hands over the hear in your cheeks, “anyway... Maybe I could pass a message along to him for you?”
The woman narrowed her eyes. There was a rigidness to her posture that hadn’t been there before. Stone fractured into the sharp lines of her face. But then slowly, the hardened exterior melted away. She shrugged it off and the tension simply fell from her body. She smiled.
“That’s so kind of you,” she said, extending her hand. “I'm Tori.”
You returned her smile as you shook her hand. Her grip was firm, almost aching.
“Y/n.”
“Pleasure.” Her lips were pressed together as she smiled – tugging bright red lipstick higher into her cheeks. A startling, bold color that was almost unsettling. She sighed, pausing a moment before she continued. “It’s not that important anyway. Just looking for a quote for the paper. You know how it goes.” She held up a press ID badge.
You laughed with her, nodding along. “Of course. Well, I should head out before it starts to rain, but it was nice to meet you. Good luck on your story!”
Tori smiled as she waved goodbye. There was something strange about her expression, even amongst the illuminating glow in her dewy skin and the perfect sheen in her hair. You didn’t realize until you were half a mile from the tower that her smile did not touch her eyes.
Not once.
***
“I swear it on my life, sweetheart, it’s the best hot chocolate you're ever gonna have!” Bucky pitched his argument for the third time, his hand gripping yours as he tried to tug you down the street to the café he discovered on one of his midnight walks. It was such a lovely change to see him smiling so wide like this – unafraid and unbothered by the rush of pedestrians on the sidewalks or the tourists capturing not-so-subtle photos of the Winter Soldier holding hands with his girlfriend.
“Bucky, it’s just hot chocolate,” you laughed. “They all taste the same.”
“Blasphemy!” he shot back, which only made you laugh harder. You’d done it on purpose to get a rise of out him and he caught on instantly, drawing you into his arms and peppering you with kissing until you finally yielded.
“Fine! Fine!” You shoved him playfully in the chest as his hands swung up in the air defensively.
“You won’t regret this,” Bucky grinned, grabbing a tight hold of your hand and leading you down the short stretch of alley to the café. Tucked away in the heart of Brooklyn – only a single door under an even smaller awning gave way to the hole in the wall shop. It seemed Bucky wasn’t the only one who appreciated their drinks as it was packed shoulder to shoulder inside the café. His shoulders slumped in disappointment.
“Go,” you offered at his hesitation. “I’ll wait here for you.”
Bucky brightened, nodding quickly and he stole one final kiss from your cheek before he slipped inside.
You rolled your eyes, laughing under your breath. “He’s like a damn golden retriever.”
“I’ll say.”
The voice came from your left where a woman stood on the street corner, watching you. Bright bold lipstick and onyx black hair – the woman from the lobby who had been trying to get in to see Bucky a few days earlier. She was sipping from a Styrofoam mug – its label from the café Bucky was currently standing in line for.
“Y/n, it’s good to see you again,” Tori greeted, stepping closer to you. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help but watch the two of you. You’re very... sweet together.” She seemed to bite out the last two words.
“Oh, well, thank you.” You pressed out a thin smile, shifting awkwardly in your stance. Stealing a quick glance to the shop and finding Bucky still waiting at the back of the line, you asked, “did you ever get that quote you were looking for?”
Tori shrugged, shaking her head. “No, but I’m used to that with James. He’s always played hard to get.”
You stilled; your heart suddenly so loud in your ears it drowned out the traffic on the main street behind you. Heavy thumping pounding in your chest, deafening in your ears. You swallowed, hoping you had misheard her intentions. “Sorry, what do you mean?”
Her eyes widened, embarrassed. “Oh, I assumed you knew...”
Slowly, you shook your head, not trusting yourself to speak.
“James and I – we had a fling a few months ago,” she explained, a smile curling over her red lipstick almost dreamily. “Couple nights here and there. He was... exceptional in the bedroom, as I’m sure you know. So generous. Like’s he’s seeking penance between the sheets. But anyway, he promised me a quote for a story I was working on and I was coming back to collect. Little tit-for-tat, you know?”
Sandpaper in your throat. Burning. Blistering. But still—you smiled. “Of course.”
You’d never known Bucky to go back for more from any of the women he brought home to the tower; an endless parade that served to break your heart tens ways to Sunday you now knew was his attempt to suffocate the feelings he harbored for you. Not once did he ever make good on his promise to call them again. It was a meaningless distraction, after all. Except for Tori, it seemed.
You couldn’t blame him for that. You held no claim on him at the time. And yet – you couldn’t help but feel your heart splintering at the seams. To be reminded that he had touched this woman the way he touched you, maybe whispered the same things in her ear.
It wasn’t the same. You knew that. Bucky loved you.
Still. Jealousy was a terrible monster.
“I should probably head out,” Tori groaned, shooting you a pouted look as she checked the time on her phone. “No need to ask James about that quote anymore, by the way. Story came and went. Fast paced media and all. I’ll see you around, Y/n.”
You nodded, watching quietly as she disappeared into the busy sidewalk – swallowed by the swarm of tourists and commuters.
“Hey honey!” Bucky popped up on your right, startling you as you clutched your hand to your heart. He winced. “Sorry, sorry, didn’t meant to scare you. But hey, look – I got hot cocoa.”
You forced a smile, thanking him sweetly with a kiss to his cheek as you took the hot chocolate from his hands. He was waiting patiently for you to take the first sip, to prove him right after days of buildup, that this was the best hot chocolate known to man. You’d never seen him as light and as happy as he was in the last week and you hoped part of that had to do with you, with what had changed between you, and you were desperate to hold onto it at all cost.
“It’s wonderful, Buck. Best in the city. You were right,” you told him with a much as smile as you could muster. The smile that spread on Bucky’s face was well worth it, even if the hot chocolate was average at best. Still, you went in for another sip.
On the way back to the tower, Bucky kept his hand close to you at all times. Lingering over the small of your back, sliding over your shoulders, brushing hair away from your face. The touch seemed to comfort him as you weaved in and around the busy sidewalks.
“Oh, I forgot to ask,” Bucky started, swallowing the last sip of his coco. “Who were you talking to earlier? Thought I saw you with someone while I was picking up our orders.”
You nearly choked on your drink, but you shook your head rapidly, quickly recovering. “No one. An old friend.”
Bucky raised an eyebrow at your contradiction, but he didn’t press any further. Instead, he tossed his empty cup in the bin and laced his fingers with yours. There was no jealousy in his question, no caution or concern – just curiosity. Because he was interested in the things you did. Because he liked hearing you talk.
You thought about telling him the truth, that you’d been rattled by one of the women he’d slept with before things changed between you, but you knew it would only serve to feed his misplaced guilt. There was nothing that could be done now to change his past – he couldn’t take back his nights with her just as you couldn’t tell him you loved him sooner to avoid all this heartache. You could only move forward. Together.
You squeezed his hand and did just that.
***
Billy Joel was playing on the radio – the soft hum of Piano Man carrying through the near empty dive bar as you tapped your toe on the edge of the bar stool. You swirled the bottom of your drink in the cup before you stole a final look to the door and finished it in one gulp.
Carol was supposed to meet you almost an hour ago now. She’d left a message with the receptionist that she would be in town and wanted to catch up, which wasn’t entirely strange for her given she didn’t have cell service in space. But still – Bucky had teased her mercilessly for not having a cellphone when even he managed to figure it out.
You could still feel the imprint of his hands against your hips as he teased you about how bored he’d be with you gone for the evening. Leaving him to his own devices – he was sure to get into trouble with Sam or ‘accidentally’ watch the next episode on your shared favorite show without you. He liked to tease you like that – small reminders of just how enamored he was with you; how helpless he was when it came to you. Still, he was the one to push you out the door so you weren’t late for your date with Carol.
He’d kissed you sweetly in the lobby of the tower, unbothered by the stray onlookers and security officers who kindly averted their eyes. He kissed you with his hands against your cheeks, peppering his lips over your nose and forehead before he finally let you go, whispering an ‘I love you,’ as a goodbye.
He said it so casually now – as often as he could. Perhaps, because he never imagined a world where he would ever get the chance. It felt like a dream each time – the ease with which he said those words, as if nothing had ever been truer.
“Can I get you a refill?” the bartender offered, gesturing to your empty glass. You blinked a few times to pull you from your thoughts.
You sighed, checking your watch and looking to the door one last time. “I think I might just head out actually. I’ll take the—”
“She’ll have another,” a woman took a seat at the bar stool on your left, waving off the bartender when he gave you an inquisitory look. From the corner of your eye, you spotted the bright red stain of lipstick as the woman turned to face you—onyx hair brushed in long waves over her shoulders as she crossed her legs. “We have got to stop running into each other like this.”
“Tori,” you greeted tensely, stealing another hopeful glance to the door in search of Carol. “Nice to see you again.”
“Strange, don’t you think? That we keep crossing paths?” She was smiling at you, but something felt forced in her tone, something cold in her eyes. “You meeting someone?”
The way she said it – it was almost like a taunt, like she knew Carol wasn’t going to show up, or perhaps, Carol was never the one who asked to meet you there in the first place. You swallowed, your heart pounding a little louder. The bartender set the replenished drink on the countertop, shooting you a concerned look as his gaze flickered to Tori. You gave him a short nod, letting him know you could manage.
“She’s probably caught up at work,” you shrugged casually, taking a sip from the fresh drink.
“Lucky for us,” Tori smirked, raising her glass to you. You held your breath, watching her as she waited for you to do the same. Only when you tapped your drink against hers, did she finally press out another drawn out smile. Still – it did nothing to touch the impatience growing in her eyes.
“So, tell me,” she said as her eyes narrowed on you, “how is our super soldier?”
You gritted your teeth at her punctuation of ‘our.’ Bucky wasn’t hers. He wasn’t something to be shared as if he meant little more than a thing to be used and discarded. You gripped the edge of your glass until your fingers ached. If you’d had Bucky’s strength, it would have shattered in your hand – glass embedded into your palms and still it wouldn’t divert from the hallow ache churning in your stomach.
“He’s good,” you replied shortly. “Happy.”
Tori sighed a long, exaggerated breath; the red press of her lips puckered against the edge of her martini glass. “Yes, I’m sure he is.”
Your phone buzzed against the counter, drawing your reprieve. You were thankful for the distraction as you spotted Bucky’s name light up on your screen. It was a short message, just him checking in on how you’re doing, if you’re having fun, when you want him to come pick you up because – SHEILD analyst or not – he didn’t want his girl walking home alone this late. It was a romantic gesture, he explained, not him being dramatic and overprotective. He ended the message with a winky face.
You caught yourself smiling dreamily at the message and quickly clenched your jaw, realizing where you were as you felt Tori watching you – her gaze drifting over your shoulder to read the message. You cleared your throat, slipping your phone quickly into your pocket.
“Thanks for the drink,” you started, sliding out from the bar stool, “but I should probably head out.”
“So soon?” she whined, pouting playfully as if you were old friends. You inched backwards. “Please, stay. I’ll order us some appetizers and we can—”
“It’s getting pretty late, and I wouldn’t want to intrude,” you pressed, swinging on your jacket.
Tori followed you, matching you step for step. “It’s no worry at all. In fact, I insist! Let me—oops!”
You flinched as her drink spilled down the front of your shirt – staining your white blouse in cranberry juice. You exhaled a tense breath through your nose as you shook off the excess liquor from your fingertips, tugging the shirt away from your skin as it dampened the fabric.
“Oh god, I am so sorry.”
You shook your head. “No, no – it's fine. I’m just going to go wash up.”
You slipped past her and made a beeline for the bathroom. It was a relief to finally have some space without feeling like she was somehow scrutinizing every move you made under the strange guise of plastic friendship and forced smiles. You didn’t know what she wanted from you but every interaction left you feeling unsettled. Like she was peeling back your layers by the tips of her long, manicured nails – exposing you, digging deeper and deeper until you were withered away to nothing.
There was no avoiding this anymore. You needed to tell Bucky about her as soon as you got home. It would be an uncomfortable conversation and you knew he would take on unnecessary blame, but something was off with this woman and you needed his insight.
Leaning against the bathroom sink, you studied the pink stain over your shirt. It swarmed into the fibers, crawling like dye along your chest. You groaned, yanking a few paper towels from the dispenser and dowsing it in water. You scrubbed at the stain until it faded, but it somehow managed to spread – leaving your white shirt resembling more of a pale pink mess. Your eyes flickered back to the mirror. There, you caught the reflection of eyes peering back at you.
You yelped, hands dropping to the sink to steady yourself as you took another cautious glance at Tori’s image standing just over your shoulder in the corner of the room. A nervous laugh escaped to cover the rush of adrenaline pumping through your veins.
“Shit. You scared me.” You gripped the counter until your knuckles ached.
Tori didn’t respond. No cracked jokes or bright red grins. Instead, she held your stare through the mirror – unmoving. Impossibly still as wisps of her hair floated in the draft from the air conditioner.
You swallowed. “Tori? Are you—”
“What makes you so special?” Her upper lip twitched.
You narrowed your eyes on her reflection, confused. Slowly, you turned around to face her. “Sorry, what did you—”
“What... makes you... so special?” she asked again, venom pressed into every word. Her heels clicked against the tile as she approached, backing you against the sink. You felt the edge of the metal towel dispenser dig into your spine.
Her gaze trailed over you, taking her time as she studied every inch of you, unashamed. “He’s been with dozens of women, all begging him to settle down, and he chooses... you?”
You held her stare, willing your expression as unemotive as you could. You wouldn’t allow her to break you, to make you feel like you were just another notch on Bucky’s bedpost. His way of coping with the trauma Hydra inflicted upon him and the burdening weight of his feelings for you was his own business. It hurt like hell and broke your heart but you weren’t going to blame him for how he dealt with his pain. You wouldn’t shame him for that either.
He chose you. No—he always knew it was you from the beginning. He’d told you as much. He loved you. This woman couldn’t take that away from you with a few cruel remarks.
“I should go,” you gritted out, trying to push past her, but Tori blocked your path. She grinned; red lipstick stained on the front of her teeth – the smallest hint of imperfection breaking through the cracks. Her eyes were a little too wide, her pupils dilated to large, black circles. She barely blinked.
“No, I don’t think you will.”
Then, she lunged.
Your head slammed back against the wall and you heard a deafening crack. Whether it was the tile or the base of your skull, you couldn’t tell, but you struggled to even keep your balance as you swung at one of Tori’s swaying images. You fist only met the air as she easily stepped out of your path and you stumbled forward, colliding against the door of a stall.
“Pathetic,” she spat, digging something out of her bag. The smell of it burned in your nose as she yanked a tight hold of your hair, pressing you against the wall. She shoved the damp cloth over your nose and mouth. You scrambled under the pressure, panicked, but you were trapped.
“Go to sleep,” she cooed under tense breath as you swiped your arms over the counter, trying to find something to grab, but your brain was too foggy, your vision too dark. Soap bottles clanged against the tile floor. Blood slid down your neck.
Your lungs were on fire. You had to breathe. But the cloth was pressed hard over your nose, over your mouth. There was no escape. You felt your phone vibrate in your back pocket. Bucky. Tears welled in your eyes. And then – you gasped for air.
Chemicals to your lungs. Heat and fire in your chest.
Then, darkness.
***
You learned hours later that Tori managed to drag your unconscious body through the back exit of the bar, down the alley, and into the back seat of her car without anyone noticing. You could still feel the road-burn on your legs and pebbles embedded into your skin. You spat a glob of blood from where you'd bitten down on the inside of your cheek in the struggle.
“What do you want?” you groaned, avoiding her gaze as she circled around the room. Your head was pulsing so badly it hurt to so much as speak.
She laughed – dry, humorless. “To show you exactly how insignificant you really are.”
You rolled your eyes. “That’s rather dramatic.”
Tori glared at you. She shook her head, rolling her shoulders back as if preparing a monologue. Then, she took in a deep breath. “No woman has ever tamed the Winter Soldier. He has never gone back for seconds before me. I was the first. I was going to fix him!” You flinched as she slammed her hand against the door. “But then you come along and suddenly, he’s... what? In love?” Her tone was mocking, disbelief and arrogance as she stared at you, agape. “It was going to be me. It should have been me! You’re not special at all! He just got tired of the games and you were convenient!”
“You don’t know a damn thing about my relationship,” you sneered, unfazed by her venomous stare.
“I’ll prove it to you,” she taunted, a wicked grin growing upon her face. She tapped the edge of the television propped on the wall and it illuminated to reveal what appeared to security footage from the tower. Twenty-second floor. Kitchen. Sam was making pancakes in the top right corner of the screen.
“What the hell is this?” you gaped, stunned.
“I’ll prove that you’re nothing more than just another fuck to him,” Tori continued as if she hadn’t even heard you. She rubbed a new layer of lipstick over her mouth before running a comb through pieces of her hair that had fallen out of place in the struggle. “You’ll see. The second I offer myself to your precious Bucky, he’ll come crawling back in an instant. He knows how good it was with me. He’ll remember and he’ll leave you in a second.”
You stared at her; eyes wide. Not because you believed a word she said, but because she did.
“You’re insane.”
She smirked and it filled your stomach with dread. “We’ll see about that.”
***
Left alone in the room, you tried to break free of your bindings, only for the wounds to dig deeper into your wrists, rendering any movement unbearable. Blood trickled down your wrists, slipping to the tips of your fingers and pooling on the floor underneath. Whatever blood remained at the base of your skull had long dried – crusted flakes caked into your hair and down your spine.
On the security footage, you watched as Bucky entered the room, holding his phone. He was staring down at the screen, tapping it every few moments. You realized with an agonizing break in your chest that he was checking for a message that would never come— a confirmation that you were alright.
How long had it been since Tori knocked you out? How long had you been held up in this room before you came to? You couldn’t tell the time of day from the black and white footage, but you could see Bucky was dressed in jeans and a faded SHIELD crewneck Steve had given him when he was first pardoned. Sam flipped a pancake on the stove but that didn’t mean it was morning, per say. The man consumed breakfast foods at all hours of the day.
You watched helplessly as Bucky ran his fingers through his hair, his gaze shooting back to his phone so often you knew his anxiety must have been through the roof. At one point, he disappeared from the footage and returned with a pair of Tony’s car keys in hand. He waved them about, arguing with Sam as he pointed towards the elevator. But after a while, he slid the keys across the counter to Sam defeatedly.
You were supposed to be out with Carol. It wouldn’t have been unusual for you to lose track of time together. It had been months since you saw her last and there was so much to catch up on – including your relationship with Bucky. You’d once stayed out until closing with her, not stumbling home until near three in the morning long after the bars closed with a slice of pizza in hand and your cheeks aching with laughter.
But Bucky was wrestling between his instincts and shoving down the urge to cling to you. You thought it was sweet how often he teased you about how he didn’t want to spend another second away from you, not after all of the wasted time he lost. The Winter Soldier himself was loving and wonderful and selfless and kind when he was with you. He was everything.
You wondered if you would ever see him again.
After a while Sam had disappeared from the kitchen, leaving Bucky alone as he sat at the counter. He swirled a spoon around a cup of tea he’d let grow cold, too busy tapping his phone screen to see if you called.
“Something’s wrong, Bucky,” you pleaded at the television, a lump burning in your throat as he clenched his hand to a fist. “You know something’s wrong. Come on.”
Then, his head snapped up, turning to something off screen. Hope rose in your chest. Maybe this was it. Steve was coming to tell him you were missing. Carol was calling to say she never saw you tonight. Something.
But instead, Tori walked into frame and you slumped against the chair, dead weight pulling on your body until you sunk into metal and wood and foundation. She glanced up at the security camera, peering directly at you with subtle wink, before suddenly, the audio turned on.
A high-pitched ringing echoed into the room and you struggled to shield your ears against your shoulders. It passed only a moment later, leaving your head aching again and a terrible buzzing in your ears. But then – you heard a voice that nearly cracked through your chest and left your heart open and exposed.
“Tori?” Bucky took a cautious step backward, tension coating his muscle. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to see you, of course,” she replied sweetly, following his steps. The strap of her cocktail dress slid down her shoulder casually and she made no move to fix it. She smirked as his eyeline followed the flimsy fabric, just as she’d hoped he would. She didn’t seem to notice the way his right hand curled into a fist, his nails digging into his palms – something he often did to control his anxiety.
Bucky swallowed. “I don’t understand.”
“Don’t play coy with me, James. That’s not how we work.” Tori swung her hips as she crossed the room, kicking off her shoes with each step. Bucky backed himself against the wall, trying to slip out of her reach, but her hands were already on his chest, sliding down to his belt. You tried to look away but found it impossible, even as tears blurred your eyes.
“Whoa! Whoa, hold on now,” Bucky nervously brushed her hands away before she could unlatch his buckle. You knew with his full strength he could have tossed her across the room, but he restrained himself, even as his chest started to rise in rapid breaths.
“There’s no need to be shy, James.” She giggled as if he were playing a game and her mouth pressed to his neck— red lipstick brushing over his collarbone as her tongue swept his pulse point. You felt sick, tears openly sliding down your cheeks, until Bucky grabbed a firm hold of her shoulders and pulled her away from him.
“Tori, enough!”
She froze, staring wide eyed back at him. His reaction stunned her. She was expecting him to cave to her desire without hesitancy, to drop everything at the offer of her body and her lips upon his neck. He fractured her delusion that he would come to her willingly.
He cleared his throat awkwardly, a flush of red in his cheeks. “I’m-- I’m with someone now and I... I love her. I won’t betray her. Not ever.”
You waited as Tori’s posture went rigid, the sharp clench in her jawline visible even from the grainy security footage. Bucky didn’t seem to notice how still she’d become or what backlash he might face if he continued. He started pacing, a tremoring hand carding through his hair.
“I’m sorry for the way I treated you,” Bucky began sincerely. “I... I used you to avoid dealing with my own feelings and for that, I am genuinely sorry. If I ever made you think that it meant more than that to me—”
“You love her?!” Tori snapped, the high-pitched crack in her voice freezing Bucky in place. She was seething, steam blowing from her ears as she stalked closer to him. “You-- the guy who slept with half of New York because you’re afraid of commitment!”
He blinked; a head of shame and guilt hot as stone against his cheeks. “I’m not... I’m not afraid of commitment. I was trying to keep my mind off her because I didn’t think I had a chance in hell. It was stupid and selfish, and a shitty way to cope but—”
“Dammit Bucky, stop talking,” you urged to the screen, tugging on your restraints. You’d seen the shift in Tori before – how quickly her angry molded into a deadly calm. She’d managed to knock you out because you underestimated her. Bucky was walking into the same trap.
“Y/n, right?” Tori scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I don’t know what you could possibly see in that woman. I’m the one you want, James. I’m the only one you came back for!”
“Because it was easier and I was lazy and a fucking asshole,” Bucky admitted, his gaze falling to the floor, unable to look at her under the weight of his mistakes. You held your breath as you watched the rage fume into Tori’s eyes. She held her shock for only a moment and then, a paralyzing calm swept over her. Dread solidified like stone against your chest.
“It didn’t mean anything deeper to me,” Bucky tried to explain as gently as he could. “I shouldn’t have strung you along, Tori. I thought you knew it what it was. I have loved Y/n as long as I’ve known her and I didn’t know how else to deal with it. I am so—”
You saw the flash of silver for only a moment. Reflecting under the shine of the florescent lights, Tori swiped the blade from her purse and dove it directly into Bucky’s ribs. You screamed.
Bucky gasped, stunned eyes trailing down to the knife embedded in his stomach, then to Tori as she spat on his cheek. He winced, clutching onto her shoulders for support, until she twisted the blade further, drawing a pained whine from Bucky’s lips. Then, she yanked the blade back in one smooth motion – spewing droplets of blood onto the couch beside him.
“Bucky!” you cried, desperately yanking against the ropes, but they would not give. Tears blurred in your vision, sweeping down your cheeks. You could hardly breathe as he collapsed to his knees, hands touching the wash of blood seeping through his sweatshirt. Navy blue dampened in a deep maroon.
He watched as she stalked off without another a word- his body swaying as his eyes rolled back and – he met the floor. A pool of blood circled around him, stretching out along the tiles.
“No...” You shook your head. A scream ripped through your lungs as you tore at the ropes, cutting into your skin and soaking blood into the twine. “No! Bucky! Someone – someone help him!”
But no one came.
The footage froze – leaving you alone with the image of Bucky bleeding out. Alone.
***
You watched the security tape until your eyes burned – afraid to blink for even a second. He hadn’t moved in almost an hour. Logically, you knew it was because the feed had been cut; the picture frozen only a few seconds after he’d collapsed and still—you watched it as if he’d disappear completely if you turned away for even a second.
Someone would notice him. Sam would come back. Clint would find his way to the kitchen for a midnight snack. Someone would find him before it was too late.
Bucky wasn’t dead. You wouldn’t allow it to be true. You’d only just learned what it was like to have him in your arms, to be able to call him yours, to be his. He couldn’t be dead.
When the door to your caged room crept open with the screeching cry of rusted hinges, you could barely muster the strength to look at Tori in the eye. Her hands were stained red with blood – Bucky's blood. It was all you could focus on – how it dried into her manicured nails, slipped into the cracks of dry skin. You wondered how long it took for him to bleed out after she left him. You wondered if he died alone.
“He was a fool,” Tori spat, disgust laced into her voice. You kept your stare on her hands, your vision blurred into faded swarms of crimson. She must have finally noticed the emptiness she’d left in you because she added, “now neither of us can have him.”
Your eyes snapped to hers, rage boiling in your bloodstream. “He was never yours!”
A slap burned against your cheek as she struck you. You remained still, staring at the left wall of the room for a moment until you gathered yourself again. When you looked at her, she was just as crazed as she was when she attacked you in the bathroom of the dive bar – unhinged.
“Now what?” you taunted. “You going to kill me, too?”
She shrugged, sliding a paper bag from her purse. Inside, was a handgun. She weighed it carefully in her grip before she dropped the bag. She’d clearly never used the weapon before.
“Can’t have witnesses, can I?” she smirked, releasing the safety.
You clenched your jaw, determined to hold her gaze even if it was the last thing you saw. “No, I suppose not.”
She raised the gun, barrel aimed at your chest. “I would say it’s been a pleasure, but—”
The door to the room swung open and chaos ensued. A gun was discharged – the echo of it deafening within the small room and you squeezed your eyes shut. You held your breath; certain a bullet had pierced straight through your chest. Blood was pooling down your shirt, crimson mixing into the faded pink stain of vodka and cranberry on your blouse – you were sure of it.
But no pain followed.
Instead, you felt hands press to the sides of your face – desperate, pleading. One warm. One solid as steel.
“Y/n,” Bucky’s voice shook as he held you, “please, sweetheart, look at me. I’m right here.”
You clenched your jaw, terrified that if you opened your eyes you might be met with an empty room – that all that remained of the man you loved laid on the floor in the tower. Tears spilled down your cheeks, slipping over the tips of his fingers as he brushed them away.
“You’re safe, honey, I promise,” Bucky tried again, his lips peppering kisses over your cheekbones, kissing away your tears. “Sam and Steve have her restrained. She can’t hurt you.”
Slowly, you dared to open your eyes.
Bucky was on his knees, red stained into the skin on his neck and coating his left hand. It seeped into the cracks of his left, but he was wearing his combat suit— the blood-soaked sweatshirt left behind. He was breathing heavily, his eyes trailing over you in search of further injury, but still—relieved.
“She-- She stabbed you,” you stuttered, looking to the monitor on the wall where Bucky’s image was still displayed. He clenched his jaw as he turned to look, a cold realization settling in that you’d been made to watch Tori’s advances on him and her subsequent retaliation to his rejection.
Bucky pushed out a smile. “I’m strung together with some shitty stapples, but I’m okay. It takes more than that to take me down, especially when my girl needs me.”
He still managed to tease you, even as he worked on removing the ropes on your wrists – a playful laugh on his breath as he made every attempt to draw a smile back to your lips. As he released your hands, you winced at the cold wash of air against the open wounds.
“She’s not here,” Bucky offered when he noticed your gaze searching the room. “I had Steve and Sam get her out of here the second they wrestled the gun away. You won’t ever have to deal with her again, honey.”
Bucky sighed, his chin sinking to his chest. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I brought this on you. I never thought that she—that anyone would—”
“It’s not your fault,” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck. He nodded as his nose pressed to your hair, breathing you in. You were almost certain you smelled of the thrown martini and chloroform, but he didn’t seem to mind. With his senses, he might still have been able to isolate the wash of your shampoo.
“I wish I could do it all over,” Bucky admitted. “I wish had the courage to tell you at the beginning."
You knew what he was trying to say – that he would have traded every one of his meaningless one night stands if it meant he had more time with you. He would have avoided ever knowing Tori or any of the nameless women you’d seen escape from his room before dawn. He would have given anything to have known you loved him as he did everything in his power to forget his feelings for you. He would have made a thousand different choices.
But he could not have known what you did not tell him.
“I wish I did, too,” you murmured against his neck. You couldn’t allow yourself to wonder how different things would have been if you’d confessed your feelings for him sooner— if you could have spared either of you months or years of heartbreak. You pulled back from his embrace, only enough to meet his eye. You brushed your thumb over his lips. “But we’re here now, Bucky. You and me. Nothing can ever get in the way of that. You have me, okay?”
Bucky nodded weakly. He kissed you chaste on the lips, gentle, as if he were afraid to push it further. Not within this room – with blood on your wrists and a half-stitched wound under his jacket. He would have plenty of time to love you properly later.
You took solace in that. Misfortune and the universe herself had spent years keeping you and Bucky at arm's length from one another. They would not dare to come between you now.
--
Thank you so much for reading! ❤️ If you enjoyed this fic, please consider supporting me at my ko-fi account ✨
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky x reader
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A Scientist and A Profiler
A Criminal Minds AU
Summary: A case about the unsub using chemicals to kill his victims… How does he do it? Special Agent L/N seemed needing the help of her high school sweetheart for it.
“We have a case.” Nanami Ryusui, your team captain, said as all of you gather around into the meeting room to discuss about the latest case you have as Profilers. Your job is to figure out who the unknown subject or unsub is, track him down and arrest him. Now, you are one of the three women in the team and you certainly can shoot and fight with your bare hands… But in this case, it’s gonna be different.
“Minami, report.” Ryusui said as the girl cleared her throat before clicking the remote she holds to control the black screen in front of the team. “This is Fujiwara Shino, a 23 year old woman who is just fresh out of college. She was found in a dumpster of a bar, which is just a couple blocks away her apartment building.” Hokutozai Minami said as she describes the victim’s state before she was found by the bar owner. “Half of her face got melted down and her other half did not?” You asked as Minami opened her mouth, “It was most likely acid that melted her skin.” Minami replied. “Her apartment is a couple blocks away from the bar, which means that anyone could’ve saw her leaving.” One of the males in the team, Gen, said as the man beside you agreed, “Then most likely the bar has a security camera on the front entrance.” Kohaku, one of the girls said, as Ryusui nodded then sent out orders.
Your team isn’t going to be flying, like usual, because it is happening in your city and luckily, you know who did the autopsy. “Hey doc. What did you find sus about this vic?” You said as the doctor chuckles, “Really now Y/N, if I weren’t married… I would’ve flirted right back.” The doctor said as you chuckled, “Just testing you, Chrome.” You said as Chrome lead you and Nikki, who is your partner for today, to where the body is being examined and you jsut so happens to saw another one of your friends, “Oh, Chrome-san, Nikki-san, Y/N-chan.” The girl’s voice says, “Yuzuriha, finished the autopsy?” Nikki said as the girl nodded as she listed the things she has found in the victim’s body. “And there is something else..” Chrome said as he went to the body and opened it up again to show you and Nikki what he’s seeing. “Are her…?” “She’s almost completely melted inside..” You and Nikki commented as you turned to the two, “Is that even possible?” You asked as the two looked at each other, “It is not in ourn expertise on what made her body like that but…. Most likey, that your victim died from it.” Yuzuriha said as you and Nikki were baffled.
Nikki then proceeded to call to Ryusui about this as you examine the body more. “This case must be a first, right?” You asked the two as they nodded, “We really don’t know what causes this, Y/N…” Yuzuriha said as an idea came to your mind. ‘What if I call him about this…?’ You asked yourself but then doubted because he wouldn’t really have a real reason to be here… “I must be out of my mind..” You mumbled, “Hey, Chrome… Are you still in touch with…” You started as Chrome tilted his head to the side before getting the idea and nodded, “I still have his cell number. You’re thinking of calling him?” Chrome asked as he handed to you his phone and you dialed in the number, “It’s the only option we’ve got onto solving how this woman really died..” You said as you placed your phone on your ear, waiting for him to pick it up.
Click!
“Hello? Who is this interrupting my work?” His voice rang towards your ear, oh how you miss this. But it is not the time to feel very emotional because there’s a killer on the loose. “Senku… It’s me.” You said as a pause can be heard from the other line. Then he cleared his throat as he put down the glasses he is holding, “Y/N? How did you get this number?” Senku asked, right out of the ordinary, which is odd for you. “Chrome gave me your cell… But anyway, can you come over and examine something for me?” You asked as Senku asked what it is for, “My victim here has her organs almost melted and I need to know what caused it, fast.” You said as you heard footsteps on the other line, “Where?” He asked as you told him the location of the building. Soon, Senku came in and he looks much more handsome than when you were both in high school.
“Hey.” You just said as he gestured it back before Yuzuriha had to snap you both out of it, “Less emotion, more solving please.” Nikki said as you nodded to Nikki. “Senku, can you examine what casued this?” You asked as you pointed out the melted parts of the woman’s body.
Meanwhile, while you and Senku continue to figure out something, Yuzuriha and Nikki got into some talking. “Who is that?” Nikki preferred to the man known as Ishigami Senku, “That’s Senku. One of our good friends and a specialist for chemistry and science in general. And Y/N’s ex.” Yuzuriha said as the two girls gossiped while you and Senku did your thing. “Really… So they still like each other but still separated because of college?” Nikki said. Meanwhile, you heard their conversation and sighed before you saw Senku nodding. “You know what caused this?” You asked as Senku turned to you and Chrome, who happens to be behind you. “It’s most likely caused by Sodium Hydroxide mixed with water.” Senku answered as you recognized the term, “Lye? The one used for deadl animals?” You said as Nikki approached you, telling you that it’s time to go back to headquarters. “Alright, go to the car.” You said as she nodded and left. “Thank you, Senku. I think we may have found a major piece to this puzzle.” You said as Senku just said that you just needed help. “I’ll be in touch..” You said as you kissed his cheek and left. Leaving the poor green haired scientist, speechless and flustered.
“So, you two gonna date again?”
“Shut up, Chrome.”
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What’s wrong with people who take HRT describing themselves as chemically intersex? If your body is different after treatment that does make you technically chemically intersex does it not?
It does not.
And, to be very blunt with you, simplifying us down to our sex characteristics is intersexist.
Being intersex is not only about your sex characteristics. It's also about lived experience, and the differences in sex characteristics must be something inherent to your body, not induced medically.
A lot of intersex advocacy revolves around getting people to recognize us as a natural variation of human sex. (This is not to say that people transitioning through HRT are "not natural", but rather placing emphasis that being intersex is something inherent and unchangeable about your body which happens on its own without external influence - A perisex person can't become intersex, and an intersex person can't become perisex)
Because people on HRT have their effects induced through medication, also, it is not the same as an intersex person whose body works like that without external influences. If a trans woman were to take puberty blockers and take E, she would be able to stop HRT at any time and resume T production and would see the masculinizing effects of that. However, someone with CAIS cannot ever use T even though their body produces it.
Or, as another example, no amount of HRT will give you a 3-beta enzyme deficiency, so your experiences are inherently different from mine, who has 3-beta deficient CAH.
Being intersex also commonly comes with health issues, and is not just about our sex characteristics. For me, I have problems across my entire body due to my CAH, because I have a problem with my hormone production.
Additionally, being intersex comes with community trauma and struggles that perisex people broadly do not experience in the same way.
Perisex people generally (Though I'm sure there are exceptions) do not have to worry so much about their doctors hiding medical records about their birth sex or infant sex surgeries from them, or coerced hormones, or growing up with forced sex reassignment surgeries with multiple surgical corrections and scarring and chronic pain, or your entire family hiding things about you being born intersex from you, or the bullying that comes from being 'visibly' intersex, or the confusion and self-hate and anxiety that often comes when you realize you are not developing the same way your peers are, or people pressuring you to shave your facial hair to hide your intersex features, or being teased about your intersex features, or being sexualized for them, or realizing you may be/are infertile, or the feelings and identity confusion that often come with finding out you're intersex, or feeling isolated in spaces you should feel welcomed in because of how intersexist they are.
There's also the longer-term trauma from growing up in an intersexist society and knowing about what they do to people like you even if you managed to scrape by without a lot of the above mentioned things happening to you directly.
Not every intersex person will call themselves traumatized due to intersexist trauma, but it is so prevalent in the community that I feel a need to mention it. Intersex people experience unique types of discrimination and have unique life experiences that perisex transgender people simply do not experience in the same way.
Finally, people calling themselves intersex due to HRT makes it much harder for intersex people to speak about their issues when they are drowned out by trans people using our language for their own purposes. How are we meant to talk about things intersex people specifically experience or talk about intersexism if every trans person who is medically transitioning is now considered intersex?
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"France makes abortion a constitutional right."
An abortion is a medical procedure to end a pregnancy.
Women are blessed with an ability to create life then, why do some women choose to end it? It is a woman who choose to terminate pregnancy or it's more than a woman's choice? Is an abortion a murder? Are abortions easy on women? Or women's bodies are just political grounds for governments? Would you call a woman selfish if she choose to abort her baby?
What I think about abortions (sharing my opinions) -
1. Its definitely not easy for a woman, mentally, emotionally and physically to abort a child.
During first trimester, abortion is usually a chemical abortion done by taking abortion pills which can lead to heavy bleeding and in some cases hospitalisation. If the first procedure doesn't work, a woman go through first trimester surgical abortion which involves risk and adverse effects.
Second trimester ( performed at 13- 24 weeks) abortion is surgical abortion dilation and evacuation which involves risk and adverse effects like uterine perforation, cervical laceration, infection, hemorrhage, maternal death, future pregnancy complications.
Third trimester induction procedure - injection and stillbirth, performed at 25 weeks. It involves risks like hemorrhage, lacerations, etc.
2. Why do women choose abortion if it involves risks and adverse effects on their health? Well, if we see it through the lense of morals and ethics then it is obvious to think that an abortion means killing a life. But, if we see it from a larger perspective then there can be many reasons other than "it's her choice" that she chooses an abortion. Following can be the reasons -
a. If she is raped and she doesn't want the child.
b. Teen pregnancies. I do not support teen pregnancies. They are not independent to afford a child.
c. Maybe her partner or family forced her to abort the child.
d. Unwanted pregnancies. I feel a child should be born into a functional family. Its better to give a life to a child when two people are responsible. No life is better than an abused and painful life.
e. Or they can't afford a child. Sometimes men leave their pregnant partners and there no one to support her or her child. You need money to raise a kid.
f. Health issues or risk to the baby.
g. Or simply because a woman don't want to have kids. Again, I never wish an ugly family for a baby. A baby is more than just a baby, he or she will be future of the society. And every child deserves a functional family.
3. If a woman is emotionally and mentally attached to the child in her Womb, that's her baby. But, if she is not then it's just a cluster of cells. It completely depends on the person how they see themselves, their lives and what they feel about their bodies and the child.
4. All women are not selfish when it comes to abortion. There are many parts of the world where women are forced to abort the child because the child is a girl child.
5. When a woman is pregnant. She is emotionally, mentally, psychologically involved in the process of becoming a mother. As a woman myself, I can say that it's not easy to abort a child.
7. And, governments choose to change the abortion laws as per their voter base. They do what is beneficial for them. It happens!
8. I feel abortion should be done in extreme cases in first trimester or as early as possible and if a woman is not mentally prepared and facing any issues in her life (it can be anything). There should be no ban on abortion but, proper awareness should be given to the people.
It is a very complex issue. I respect your opinions regarding abortions. I wrote what I feel about it... If you are reading this then thank you.
@scribblersobia
#France makes abortion a constitutional right#french#France#abortion rights#USA has gone to extreme limits regarding abortions rights.#ofcourse we can't put everyone in one box...#politics#human rights#abortion right#women's rights#women bodies
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Miss Fortune
Mitsuhide x MC
Mafia AU
Bodyguard AU
Action; Fluff-adjacent; Fake Relationship
Word count estimate: 1.7k
Oh my, did this get out of hand a couple times. Written for Different Universe, Same Love 2 CCC by @xxsycamore & @queengiuliettafirstlady <3
Content Warnings: gun mention, blood mention
“It is instrumental to act in accordance with your predicament, Ma’am.”
The heels of Mitsuhide’s dress shoes hit the golden yellow tiles, each individual tap climbing up the cobalt walls of the narrow corridor located somewhere deep within the entrails of the auction house. His footfall split into more of its kind, the thus created echo mingling with a much similar, although fainter, sound. There was nothing in that space but him and the woman whose hand he clasped, the cascade of scarlet silk running down the length of her legs… and perhaps the curious camera lenses lurking up above. Never once slowing down, Mitsuhide met the artificial eyes with his own.
“And now your predicament demands,” he continued, “you do not leave my side, Miss Fortune.”
Auctions were hardly an unusual occurrence in the world of wealth, much less in its darkest corners. Between vintage cars, works of fine art, chemical-induced sense of joy and exuberant (although fake) smiles, the list of items made obtainable with ostentatious amounts of money was beyond expansive – and even longer did it grow with but a handful of good luck. The very thing Miss Mai Mizusaki, the charm of the Oda clan, specialised in… Despite any objections to the fact she might or might not have had. She was, the one and only, Miss Fortune.
***
“It is instrumental to act in accordance with your predicament, Ma’am.”
The heels of Mitsuhide’s dress shoes hit the golden yellow tiles, each individual tap climbing up the cobalt walls of the narrow corridor located somewhere deep within the entrails of the auction house. His footfall split into more of its kind, the thus created echo mingling with a much similar, although fainter, sound. There was nothing in that space but him and the woman whose hand he clasped, the cascade of scarlet silk running down the length of her legs… and perhaps the curious camera lenses lurking up above. Never once slowing down, Mitsuhide met the artificial eyes with his own.
“And now your predicament demands,” he continued, “you do not leave my side, Miss Fortune.”
Mai nodded without a hint of delay and pressed a hand to her chest, her fingers tracing an outline of a miniscule box through the fabric of her gown. She let herself be led, her gaze trained on the man who played the role of her bodyguard – if she was to trust her luck, of course. For all she knew, the freelancing Silver Fox of the underground had quite a reputation to speak of… Not that she had got the taste of that. Yet.
Breath caught in Mai’s throat as her world spun, upheld on the very edge of the heel of her stiletto. Her eyes opened wide, the entirety of her vision being taken over by a certain thin smile. Her back pressed against the wall. Close. Much too close.
“Pray tell,” Mitsuhide whispered, his body leaning into hers, “what have you just done?”
“I don’t think I understand, Mister E,” she replied, hands firmly set on the lapels of his suit jacket… But he made nothing of it, his breath sowing goosebumps over the nape of her neck. Mitsuhide laughed a quiet, mirthless laugh.
“We happen to already be plenty suspicious as we are, Miss Fortune. Please, refrain from giving our dear auctioneers any reasons to send hounds after us. It would be most troublesome, I assure you.”
“Are you not doing just that?”
“I? No, not at all. After all, I am your lover, aren’t I?”
Mai swallowed thickly, strands of soft silver nearly tickling her cheek as he straightened his back. As if nothing had happened, Mitsuhide readjusted his tie.
“Now, shall we? We cannot exactly afford to loiter around.”
He offered her his hand.
And like a fool, she took it without a second thought.
They walked down the nearly endless corridor, slower now, the sounds of fervent bidding coming from both their left and right. Mitsuhide’s expression hardened, although to untrained eye, it would appear he remained rather relaxed, calm. He listened in closely to each distorted word that made it out of the auction halls, perhaps examining it, comparing it against the database of various voices stored in his mind – whichever the case, his eyes lit up suddenly. He pulled Mai forward, his arm hooking around her waist.
“Miss Fortune?”
“Yes?” she suppressed a stutter, hid it behind a poorly constructed smile. Mitsuhide shook his head. Truly, she should have refrained from emulating his craft, yet…
“Remember, you are my Miss E. For now, at the very least.”
Her lips parted, however, any words of protest Mai held at the moment withered just as soon as they had sprouted. The hall behind them opened. Clearly, his ears had picked up on things she couldn’t possibly have. For now, ‘at the very least’? she repeated in her mind, gazes of two – judging by their voices – young men drilling into the back of her head. No time to dwell on that… Do your thing, luck.
“Excuse me,” one of the men called.
Average, Mitsuhide surmised. “Is there any issue?” he replied.
“The woman with you. Who’s that?”
“Why, Miss E.”
“Missy? Missy who?”
“Miss. Miss E,” Mai corrected, with a pout. “Why do you even ask?”
“You’ll have to come with us. We’ll let you go once we find Miss Fortune.”
Mitsuhide stepped in front of Mai, a perfectly hair-raising smile on his face.
“And what gives you the authoritative power to demand that of a guest?” he inquired, his brows drawn close in a budding frown.
“The Boss –”
“Call your Boss and inform him you’ve detained Mister E and his partner. We shall talk after that.”
The men looked at each other, eyes opened wide at the brazenness of his tone. Nevertheless, their expressions faltered under his gaze, the newly emerged air of impatience urging them to act. They nodded at each other, one of them lifting a radio, when —
Mitsuhide wasted no time. Brass around his knuckles, he delivered a quick punch to the temple of the first man. He then turned swiftly, his other arm raised in a guard. Thud. His target hit the ground, but his eyes were already on the other hound, the man putting distance between them while reaching into his jacket.
“The door!” Mitsuhide called, dropping back to pull Mai along and rush them both into the nearest auction hall.
Mai held her breath. However, the bidding did not stop. Whether it was the acoustics, the commotion or the soundproofing of the space, that much was both unclear and irrelevant then. His arm around her shoulders, Mitsuhide ushered them past aisles of cushioned seats, the door snapping open behind their backs. Mai clutched at her chest, her heart hammering against her ribs with the enthusiasm of a toddler introduced to a xylophone, each of its beat falling within the realm of somewhat-melody-adjacent cacophony. However, the box was still there. In an attempt to calm herself down, she dared look around… Mai clung to Mitsuhide, too preoccupied with the grey irises following their path to even take note of the bloodied brass knuckles he still held in his hand.
“He’s here,” she hissed, a living mountain of a person raising from his seat.
“Lucky us,” Mitsuhide chuckled, but held her firmer than before.
They rushed towards the stage, curious heads of various Misses and Misters turning towards them as they nearly ran, Mai barely managing to keep up. Mitsuhide stole a quick glance across the room.
“Ma’am, I’m afraid your shoes are becoming a safety hazard.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Discard them,” Mitsuhide offered – and Mai obliged, satisfied with her newly regained agility.
The stage was there, as was the door right behind it. His hands on her waist, Mitsuhide hoisted her up onto the boards, following right after her. The world? What world. Too dazed to take note of anything, Mai put her trust in his hands, their joint fingers her lifeline, the only thing keeping her from breaking into panic in presence of the bullet that made it just past her head. The clamouring of her heart devoured the sounds, the only thing left silence – and his arms. Her body did move, she was aware of that much. However, it was very similar to what she assumed would be being a marionette, hoisted on strings and directed by somebody else… And hopefully, for she could only hope, the play would not involve any tragic plots.
Mai blinked, the corridor speeding past them. Mitsuhide ran, all the while carrying her.
“Fox?” she spoke, his original alias rolling off her tongue quite naturally, despite her strained voice.
“Put your arms around my neck, Miss Fortune.”
She did.
By the strange twist of fate, the – otherwise, very secure and clad in steel bars – window at the end of the staff passage was being replaced. Mitsuhide glanced over his shoulder one last time, an undercover-Kyubei-induced accident slowing the Tiger of the House of Kai. His lips formed a thin smile, thunderstorm clouding the inside of Shingen’s eyes. Perhaps, perhaps some other time, when somebody else guards the mouse, he will snatch away Nobunaga’s lucky charm and use her to his advantage. Not then, however, not from under his nose.
Mai clutched onto him as if he was her dear life itself. The very next moment, they leaped off the sill, straight into the river below them. The skirt of her dress fluttered, scarlet matching the hues of the bleeding sun, the last few rays of light dying her hair red, golden shimmer rousing within Mitsuhide’s eyes. They burned, they – the Icarus, the present their collapse… The water welcomed them in its fluid embrace, just the way they were, the cold shrinking the air residing in their lungs. Despite the discomfort of it all, they were safely out of the auction house. At last.
***
Silk clinging firmly to her skin, Mai dragged herself onto the shore, arms and legs barely complying with her wishes. A rat from sewers would be a less sorry sight than her, however, when she patted her chest and found the box still in its place, she did not appear to mind. To the opposite, in fact – she laid down, smiling eyes set on the stars above. Mitsuhide sat to her right.
“I take your objective has been accomplished,” he more so declared than asked.
“Boss will be pleased.”
A van pulled onto the side of the road. Mitsuhide turned his head to look, however, he needn’t have bothered, a familiar voice – shout – of his partner reaching his ears in a record time.
“Mitsuhide!” Hideyoshi cried. “It took forever to find you! Did you really had to jump into the river?! And the client… The client… Oh god, I will bring you a jacket to cover up, Ma’am, you’ll catch a cold otherwise. I’m so terribly sorry for all those misfortunes.”
Oh, if only he knew that that was exactly what Mai Mizusaki called her luck.
Tag list: @lancelotscloak @violettduchess @the12thnightproject @oda-princess @tele86
Tell me if you'd like to be added to my taglist :)
#mitsuhide akechi#ikesen mitsuhide#ikemen sengoku mitsuhide#ikesen#ikemen sengoku#ikemen series#different universe same love ccc#different universe same love 2 ccc
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songs that remind me of the straw hat pirates/songs i think they'd have blasting on the ship
ain't no rest for the wicked - cage the elephant (idk i feel like usopp feels like THE SHIT while listening to his. love you usopp <3)
send me on my way - rusted root (it screams the straw hats idk what to tell ya)
bang! - ajr (luffy. enough said.)
here's to never growing up - avril lavigne (the straw hats celebrating yet another victory against some bitchass villain)
centuries - fall out boy (luffy again but also zoro)
run boy run - woodkid (monster trio)
the greatest show - hugh jackman, cast of the greatest showman (l u f f y)
dance and cry - mother mother (small headcanon of mine where they're all dancing after achieving another victory but it definitely took a toll)
livin' on a prayer - bon jovi (i just imagine them screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs)
seven nation army - the white stripes (just like arataki itto from my genshin playlist, this song S C R E A M S the straw hats sorry lmao)
brutal - olivia rodrigo (it's giving usopp idk idk)
mr. blue sky - electric light orchestra (c'mon)
come and get your love - redbone (they're just becoming the guardians of the galaxy at this point my bad)
best day of my life - american authors (luffy, chopper, and usopp)
it's time - imagine dragons (😭)
immortals - fall out boy (it's them)
we are young - fun., janelle monaé (THEM)
we are! - hiroshi kitadani (need i explain?)
bink's brew - brook? (idk who actually sings it sorry sorry but also need i explain why this song)
when can i see you again? - owl city (it makes sense to me? help?)
real gone - billy ray cyrus (the version by sheryl crow works too. it's giving franky)
carry on wayward son - kansas (you know it makes sense don't even)
tear in my heart - twenty one pilots (*cough* sanji to literally every woman *cough*)
shut up and drive - rihanna (nami. enough said.)
wellerman - nathan evans (c'mon i had to include another sea shanty, they're pirates for god's sake)
the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny - lemon demon (literally every arc)
teenagers - my chemical romance (again. them.)
livin' la vida loca - patent pending (specifically this version of the song)
pumped up kicks - foster the people (oop- )
now or never - julie and the phantoms cast (just listen i beg)
into the thick of it - the backyardigans (LMAOOOO)
american pie - don mclean (i can't explain this one tbh)
brother - kodaline (hhhhhhhhhh 🤧)
i like it - hudson loverro, a bronx tale cast (idk it's giving chopper)
playlist will be updated :)
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1xJCnn0SkugCgctGax9452?si=GeQkTC1uTFWL7X2HebhRNA
#one piece#anime#monkey d. luffy#sanji#roronoa zoro#nami#usopp#tony tony chopper#nico robin#franky#brook#one piece playlist#spotify playlist
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tagged by @aroshitbcitstheshit
username song game / rules: but a song for every letter of your username
L - Lionhearted by Porter Robinson (ft. Urban Cone)
I - I am not a woman, I'm a god by Halsey
F - The Foundations of Decay by My Chemical Romance
E - Elevate by DJ Khalil ( ft. Denzel Curry, YBN Cordae, SwaVay, Trevor Rich)
O - The Old Witch Sleep and the Good Man Grace by the Amazing Devil
F - Flesh by Simon Curtis
A - Angeles by Jensen Ackles and Steven Carlson
N - New Blood by Zayde Wolf
A - Arsonist's Lullaby by Hozier
S - So Much (For) Stardust by Fall Out Boy
E - Enemy by Imagine Dragons x J.I.D.
X - Shelter by The xx
U - Underground by Adam Lambert
A - Angel With a Shotgun by The Cab
L - Loveless by X Ambassadors
open to anyone who wants to play :D
-Mod Q
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thanks @jesuisserieux for the tag! i'll gladly take a chance to talk about my fav songs lol
The rules: write down a list of songs that match the letters in your username.
M - Mary On A Cross (Ghost)
A - Almost (Sweet Music) (Hozier)
R - Rock del Gato (Ratones Paranoicos)
I - It's So Easy (Linda Ronstadt)
U - Uno los Dos (Miranda! ft. Emilia)
S - Stick Season (Noah Kahan)
S - Seguir Viviendo Sin Tu Amor (Luis Alberto Spinetta)
L - La Balsa (Los Gatos)
O - Ophelia (The Lumineers)
N - November (Sleeping With Sirens)
E - Everybody Wants To Rule The World (Tears For Fears)
L - Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off (Panic! At The Disco)
Y - You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison (My Chemical Romance)
S - Starman (David Bowie)
O - Oh, Pretty Woman (Roy Orbison)
U - Unknown / Nth (Hozier)
L - Lorilee (David Gates)
my tags now ig, no pressure ofc: @hermywolf @bagofbonesmp3 @juliensorelisoverparty @athymelyreply @buckaroosboogara and anybody that comes across this and wants to do it!
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Coup de Foudre
For @themiserablesmonth Day 25: First Glance.
Canon era, developing E/R.
Read on AO3.
Enjolras’s tone was unusually sour as he led Courfeyrac into the backroom of the Musain. “All that I am saying,” he said loudly, in a tone that indicated he wished this particular argument to be over, “is that there is no such thing as love at first glance.”
Courfeyrac rolled his eyes in return. “And all that I am saying is that you are being quite boring about this,” he said, sounding particularly put out.
Enjolras looked as though he was barely managing to stop himself from also rolling his eyes in response, brightening when he saw Combeferre seated at the table, reading through the draft of a pamphlet. “Ah, Combeferre, talk some sense into Courfeyrac, would you?”
Combeferre glanced up at them, brow lifted in what might have been amusement. “I have yet to be able to thus far,” he said evenly. “But on which topic would you have me try?”
Courfeyrac huffed a sigh at being suddenly outnumbered as Enjolras said, “You do recall Courfeyrac’s idiot roommate?”
Combeferre blinked. “Marius?”
“The very one,” Enjolras said, his tone disapproving, as if the very concept of Courfeyrac’s roommate was something to be derided. “The twit has decided that he is in love.”
“Ah.”
Combeferre uttered but the single syllable, which was perhaps for the best, as Enjolras did not seem to notice that he had spoken at all. “With a woman to whom he has never spoken, and whom he has seen, charitably, a handful of times. Am I correct?”
He directed this final question at Courfeyrac, who rolled his eyes a second time as he slumped into the chair next to Combeferre. “Certainly, when you say it like that and strip it of all romance,” he said, matching Enjolras’s sour tone, but when he turned to speak to Combeferre, his tone turned almost wistful. “It was the coup de foudre, Combeferre. I witnessed it with my own eyes.”
“And as I have long maintained, such a thing is but fantasy,” Enjolras interrupted loudly. He gestured to Combeferre. “So I leave it to you to attempt some semblance of reason, lest I despair that all logic is lost forever.”
Combeferre set his pen down, taking a moment to gather his thoughts before carefully pronouncing, “Physiologically speaking, Enjolras may very well be correct.” Courfeyrac made a disparaging noise, but Combeferre continued doggedly, “One day we may be able to parse the brain’s chemistry and demonstrate that the chemicals of infatuation are markedly different from the sustained bond of love and attachment.”
“Spoil sport,” Courfeyrac muttered, as Enjolras gave him a triumphant smile.
Combeferre cleared his throat. “And yet—”
Enjolras groaned, sitting on Courfeyrac’s other side.. “Could you not leave well enough alone?”
“Despite your insistence that you remain above such things,” Combeferre told him, “I prefer to think of the human experience as more than just a sum of chemical reactions.”
Enjolras scowled. “Meaning what, precisely?”
“Meaning that I do not believe the answer to your question is as simple as you think.” Now Combeferre sounded eager, as he was wont to when confronted with a philosophical question, even one not directly posed by either man in attendance. “And that it has a great deal to do with what one considers to be love.”
“Other than idiocy?” Enjolras muttered.
Courfeyrac smirked as he interjected, saccharine sweet, “If it is idiocy, then my roommate very well may have experienced it, by your own admission.”
Enjolras’s scowl deepened. “That is not what I meant, and you know it.”
Combeferre again cleared his throat. “The fact of the matter is, there are many kinds of love beyond simply infatuation or romantic love,” he said reasonably. “Think, after all, of how many words the Greeks used to describe love, from philautia to agape. So too it stands to reason that while you and I might consider pragma to be inconceivable at first glance, eros or even philia might be possible. And are not all of them types of love?”
Both Courfeyrac and Enjolras considered it for a moment, before Enjolras sighed and shook his head. “Far be it for me to argue with the Greeks about anything,” he said, in a tone that indicated he had and would continue to argue with the long dead Greeks about a great many things, “but I believe that to be a separate question of whether Marius Pontmercy has indeed fallen into the commonly understood notion of love at but a single glance.”
“And I believe all three of you are missing the point entirely,” a fourth voice stated, and all three turned as one to stare at Grantaire, slumped in the corner, wine bottle in front of him. “At first glance, at hundredth, at thousandth, even. It is all the same.”
Combeferre’s eyes narrowed. “Speak plainly, Wine Cask, if you are to speak at all.”
The corners of Grantaire’s lips twitched toward what may have been a smile – or a smirk. “Forgive me for daring to speak in the company of such esteemed wisdom,” he said, lifting his bottle in a mocking toast.
“Careful, Capital R—” Courfeyrac started warningly, but Enjolras laid a hand on his arm.
“No, I wish to hear what he has to say.” He fixed his eyes on Grantaire. “Say what you will, Grantaire,” he said. “I would hear your insight into this of all matters.”
Though his words were magnanimous, his tone indicated that he did not believe Grantaire capable of such insight. Perhaps it was for this reason that Grantaire flushed slightly, though when he spoke again, his voice was determined, and his eyes were locked unwaveringly on Enjolras’s. “You speak as though there are only two options. As if love at first glance can happen only the very first time two pairs of eyes meet across a crowded room.”
Combeferre frowned. “Is that not the definition of love at first sight?”
“No.”
“No?” Courfeyrac repeated, almost amused.
Grantaire lifted his chin, just slightly, his eyes still on Enjolras. “No. In love, all is made new again, which is why it matters not if it is the first time eyes meet, or the hundredth.”
“Or the thousandth,” Enjolras finished, something strange in his tone.
Grantaire nodded. “Indeed. For when eyes meet in love, when one or both understands and realizes that who they are seeing is not merely a friend, an acquaintance, even a stranger, but someone who will irrevocably alter the course of their life, any glance made before that matters not at all.” He shrugged, something softening in his expression. “All love happens at a first glance, the first glance that starts something entirely new, the first glance that makes a heart call out in longing.”
Combeferre glanced sideways at Courfeyrac. “I will admit, I expected drunken rambling, not poetry,” he said in an undertone.
Courfeyrac just shook his head slowly. “Can there not be poetry even in drunken rambling?” he asked, equally quiet.
“And so too may man hope that one day, their beloved might look upon them with eyes finally clear, and know, just as they do, in a first glance of their own,” Grantaire said softly, something almost sad, or at the very least longing, underpinning his words. Then, as if realizing he had said more than he intended, his flush deepened, a mottled red. “That is…that is what I think,” he finished weakly, tearing his eyes away from Enjolras to find his bottle.
Combeferre cleared his throat. “Well, that is certainly an interesting counterpoint to our discussion, do you not think, Enjolras?” Enjolras said nothing, and Combeferre leaned forward to frown at him. “Enjolras?”
But Enjolras was still staring at Grantaire, a peculiar expression on his face. “I—” he started, before trying again. “That is to say, I, uh…”
He trailed off and Grantaire stood, taking his wine bottle with him. “Now that my piece has been said, I find myself in need of more libation,” he said, toasting them again, though somewhat less mockingly this time. “Gentlemen.”
As Grantaire strode to the door, Courfeyrac shook his head. “Well, now that we’ve seemingly settled the matter, let us turn to other things.”
But Combeferre stopped him. “Courfeyrac,” he said quietly.
“What?”
Combeferre nodded toward Enjolras, who was still staring at the seat that Grantaire had vacated. “I think it best we give Enjolras a moment.”
Courfeyrac’s brow furrowed. “Why? What ails him?”
“Nothing,” Combeferre said, shaking his head. “Just—”
Realization struck Courfeyrac. “Surely you don’t think—” He broke off, unable to stop the small, delighted smile that stretched across his face. “A first glance.”
Combeferre shrugged, a little helplessly. “After the thousandth.”
Courfeyrac shook his head in wonder. “The coup de foudre.”
“Such as it were.”
Enjolras suddenly shook his head as if to clear it, blinking rapidly as he returned to himself. “My apologies,” he said. “What were we discussing?”
Combeferre and Courfeyrac exchanged knowing glances. “Love at first glance,” Courfeyrac said, still smiling. “And just when, exactly, that first glance may occur.”
#exr#enjolras x grantaire#enjoltaire#enjolras#grantaire#combeferre#courfeyrac#with mentions of the boobie himself Marius#fanfiction#les miserables#canon era#developing relationship#so to speak#the miserables month 2022
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petrochemical and chemical engineering student here. in my university, it is a woman dominated major. All professors teaching chemistry or field specific classes are women except one. most students in my class are women, compared to electrical, civil or mecanical engineering that are heavily male dominated, and computer and communications engineering which is split 50/50. And each semester without fault, there will be a male professor that will say something along the lines off "You're all studying petrochemical and chemical engineering majors, right? that's where the slackers go." (typically an engineer professor say this, not the math or physics PhDs) . And plenty of male students have this outlook too:
In line to get my inscription in order yesterday, a mecanical engineering student a year younger who had failed a couple classes had asked me for advice on how to plan his next year because he couldn't finish all his prerequisites for next year said "Ah, that's the easy major" when i told him I was in Chem E so I wasn't sure about all the classes he has to take.
"What kind of job are you supposed to get with that, some makeup firm?" a guy in CCE had told me when i told him what i was majoring in, as if his girlfriend in the same field as I wasn't sitting right next to him. As if pharmacological and oil industries didn't need us to function.
But simultaneously, if ask anyone outside my major how they feel about chemistry. Majority says they hate it, its complicated, not fun, too hard, and the one chemistry class they took the first common course semester was apparently hell. A lot of friends regularly comment "I could never do this." or "Why would anybody choose this major of their own free will?".
And don't get me wrong, i feel similarly about computer and electrical engineering. I cursed every programming class i had to take and electrical systems frustrate the hell out of me. this isnt a "who has it the worst" debate. All engineering fields are hard. All require hard work and sleepless nights. The issue is, when men feel disadvantaged in a field, they ridicule it. Just when it ever so happens that women dominate a room, it becomes unworthy to be in. Petrochemical and chemical engineering is easy, despite the hundreds of formulas, details and nuances we have to keep in mind. Despite it being one of the highest paid engineering fields. Because women are intrested in it. Right?
Same goes for teaching, once a highly respected field. Along with nursing, that is necessary for the function of hospitals. And here goes clinical psychology too.
Other female dominated fields in my country are pharmacy, a lot of people including my dad father I'll end up a store clerk when i considered that major, when his sister in law, a pharmicist, is working with Pfizer. Architecture, one of the most time demanding majors became "so you like drawing huh?".
Female ambition is belittled. Fourty years ago, men were congratulated for wanting to be in these fields until people realised the classrooms were filling up with women.
#radfems do touch#radblr#women in stem#engineering#female engineer#misogyny#radically aligned#radical feminst#female separatism
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High School Heroes | Rick Tyler x Black Canary Reader
Summary: One night on patrol, Hourman goes to save a woman who was being mugged but before he can, a boy in fishnets and a black leotard does it first. Introducing himself as Canary, Courtney insists that Rick gets him to join the New JSA. Canary agrees, under one condition.
Request: Yes / No
Warnings: Superhero violence, jumping off buildings multiple times, men in fishnets, two superheroes talking about each other to each other without knowing
Rick walked on the side walk, the cold air making his cape flow behind him. His eyes darted around the area, looking for something wrong. He fidgeted with the hourglass on his chest, getting ready to flip it. "Help!" Rick's head snapped from where he was looking to an alley. He flipped the hourglass, the chemicals surging through him.
Running to the alley, he saw 3 men walk towards the high school Physics teacher. She clutched the purse in her hands, her foot slipping to the side as she walked backwards. Rick inwardly winced when he saw her ankle slip. From what he's heard and seen, heels weren't worth what they did to the body.
He was about to charge in, but a shadow dropped down from a building and landed on the shoulders of one of the guys. The person wrapped their legs around the guys neck and twisted his body, causing them to fall down. The Person stood up, pushing the heel of their boot into the side of their neck, causing them to pass out. They looked at the other two, rolling their neck and shoulders before charging.
They kicked one in the groin, causing them to lean forward in pain, which they then kicked him in the face. He turned to the third, who went to run away, but he stopped when he saw Rick. Rick walked forward opening and closing his fist. The Person was standing behind the man, who turned around and was met with a knee to the stomach and a headbutt to the face.
The man fell back, which finally gave Rick a good view of the Person. They were wearing a black leotard, which showed off their toned legs. They had fishnets and combat boots. They was wearing a leather jacket with rolled up sleeves over their costume. They also had a belt on their waist that had 3 pouches on it. Their hair was h/c and long. It was loose around their head and a few strands fell in front of their left e/c eye. They also had a black mask that covered his eyes.
"Hi, thanks for intimidating them Muscles." They said, punching his shoulder, then immediately retracting their hand and shaking it in pain and surprise. "Thank you so much!" MS. Armstrong said, shaking the Persons hand. "No problem, now get home safe. Okay?" Their voice was gentle when he talked to her, putting a hand on her and nodding to her. She nodded and limped/ran off.
"So, who might you be? Im assuming your name isn't actually Muscles." They turned to look at him, a smirk on their face. "Hourman. Who are you?" The Person grabbed Rick's hand, kissing it with a small bow. "Hourman, it's a pleasure to make you aquantince. I'm Canary." Rick looked at their eyes, which were checking him out. They were biting their lower lip a bit too as they did so.
Rick heard footsteps behind him and he turned to see Courtney and Yolanda walking up to the pair. "Hey, who's this?" Courtney asked, standing on Ricks right. "I'm Canary. Now, let me guess. Stargirl? And Wildcat?" They said, pointing from Courtney and then Yolanda. "My mom told me about the JSA, so meeting Hourman made me assume there'd be other members. And you'd obviously change it from man considering you're not one." They explained after seeing Yolanda and Courtneys expressions.
"Now, I hate to cut this short, but I have a Chemistry test tomorrow, so I got to go. Great meeting you two, and hope to see you again Muscle Man." Canary kissed Ricks hand again before running and jumping on a dumpster and climbing onto the top of a building. "Wow. Who was that?" Yolanda looked at Rick, a thumb pointed at the dumpster. "They said they're name is Canary." Courtney grabbed Rick's arm. "We have to get them on the team! Next time you see them, ask them to join." Rick looked at her in surprise. "Why me?" She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, the staff floating behind her. "They obviously like you!" Yolanda nodded, a hand on her hip. Rick looked at the rooftop, his arms crossed.
Y/n walked down the hallway, his eyes scanning the chemistry book in hands. The pain in his legs made it impossible to focus on the formulas in front of him. It was a huge mistake jumping off a roof, and that guys bony shoulders didn't cushion anything. Y/n closed his eyes, taking a deep breath through his nose before opening his eyes and sighing. He should have taken a pain killer before coming to school.
He looked up, noticing a guy leaning next to his locker. Y/n limped over, unlocking the locker and smirking at Rick. "What's on your mind this time Rick?" He looked at y/n, chewing on his lip. "Did you hear about thr new hero?" Rick asked, and y/ns legs tightened, pain shooting through them. Hear about? I know him on a personal level. Yn smirked at his mental response before looking at Rick. "No, who are they?"
They walked to their Chemistry class together, y/n's eyes darting from the hallway infront of him to Ricks lips. "From what I hear, theyre very flirty." Ricks said his eyebrows scrunched together. "Huh, well, at least we have a hero woth personality now." Y/n said a smirk on his face and a supressed laugh in his mouth.
"I dont know, I think that Hourman is pretty cool." Rick said, causing Y/n to roll his eyes and laughed sarcastically. "Yeah, the walking muscles." Y/n joked and shook his head. "His costumes cool though, right?" Rick asked, his voice sounded like it was desperate for approval. "Green bodysuit and yellow cape. Defiently. I gotta say, he's way too hot for that costume." Y/n shook his head and noticed Rick stiffening next to him. "You think he's hot?" Rick asked, his voice losing all of his usual confidence. "Yeah, but don't worry. You're wayyy hotter." Y/n said bumping his shoulder against the blushing Rick.
They walked into the classroom, the pair going to their desks and getting ready for the test. When Y/n sat down, he winced, his legs burning. He stared at the paper in front of him, the symbols, letters, and numbers blurring together. He looked over at Rick, who was already half way down the page. Uh, he's so cute when he's focused. Y/n looked back down and narrowed his eyes before Christmas treeing the questions.
Y/n sat on the roof of the library. The Libraries roof was designed in a way that y/n was able to get his feet in a position so that they wouldn't move unless he moved them and he wouldn't slide off. His hair blowed around his face, a few strands smacking into his eye.
He closed his eyes, leaning back so he was laying on the roof. He almost fell asleep but then he heard a thump in front of him. Y/n sat up and saw a rock in front of him, slowly sliding off the roof. He leaned over the wall, staring at the man who threw the rock.
"We need to talk." Hourman said when Y/n had climbed down from the roof. Y/n sat on the bench, crossing his legs and smirking at him. "About what exactly?" He asked, his eyes scanning over the man. Spotting every area where the suit had padding so he could figure out his real figure, before his eyes snapped to his face and he spotted every detail not covered by the mask. He looked so familiar that it bothered Y/n.
Hourman sat next to him, turning to look at him. "Stargirl wants you to join the JSA." That was unexpected. "Oh, wow. Um, okay." Y/n stared at him with wide eyes. "I'll do it, under one condition." Y/n said staring into Hourmans eyes. Y/n looked at every detail he could spot, piecing everything together before he decided he figured out his identity. "What is it?" He asked, his eyebrows scrunched together. "Go on a date with me." Y/n said, leaning forward so they were a few inches away from each other and their shoulders and hands were touching.
"What?" Rick pulled away from Y/n. "Go on a date with me." Rick stood up shaking his head. "You dont even know who I am, and I dont know who you are." Y/n stood up, walking up to him and putting his hand on his shoulder. "You'd be surprised." Rick turned around and looked at him with narrow eyes. "What?" He asked, moving closer. Y/n rolled his eyes, taking his mask off and putting a hand on his hip. "You seriously didn't recognize me just becuase I covered my forehead and uncovered my thighs?" Ricks eyes widened and he took a step back. "Y/n?" Y/n laughed and nodded before stepping forward and putting a hand on his chest. "Yes Rick, its me. Now, go on a date with me, and I'll join the JSA." He smirked at Rick, sliding his hands up from his chest and wrapping them around his neck. "Whatever you say." Rick smirked at him before leaning down and kissing him.
Y/n sat on Ricks lap, staring at the door and waiting for Courtney, Beth, and Wildcat to show up. "So, you figured out everyone's secret identity except for Wildcat?" Rick said, laughing and putting his head on Y/n's shoulder. "Okay, this is my last guess. Yolanda. She is always hanging out with Courtney, and Wildcat seems to be Courtneys second in command." Y/n turned to look down at Rick, who nodded. "Yes! I kmew I could get it! Now for my prize." Y/n turned around completely, so his legs were on either side of Rick and they started kissing, Rick's hand on Y/n's thighs and Y/n holding Rick's face.
"Um, Hourman, Canary?" Y/n turned around and saw Courtney, Yolanda and Beth staring at them in full costume. "Oh, hey guys. This isn't a good first impression, is it?" Y/n got off Ricks lap and straightened out his fishnets. "Not really." Yolanda said, her mouth pulled into a thin line. "Okay, well, welcome to the team. I see that you are already acquainted with Hourman. I'm Stargirl, founder and leader. Welcome to the team."
#rick tyler x male reader#dc stargirl#stargirl#hourman#dr midnite#wildcat#dc fanfic#mxm#fanfiction#gay#gay fanfic#black canary#superheroes
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Wait wait can you tell us more about that au with the different realms??? The one with the necklaces???
Mwehehehe y e s
Let's start with the twins: Remus and Roman
The town they ended up in is pretty small, so the news of two young lost children being found in the woods spread quick. No one claimed them, and there were no reported children matching their description. Luckily for them, the local Sheriff was more than happy to look after them, later on adopting them both.(side note, he himself was a foster kid and didn't want there to be a chance that they were separated)
Small towns love, love, love gossip. And stories like this? Oh they eat that shit up. And then, you know, everyone has their own twist on what happened. You have the diner owner who believes those "two poor boys must have been part of some sick trafficking ring" and the barber who swears "they're the sons of that Cathy Jane who up and went missing-you know there were rumors she was fooling around with her-" "Quiet, Gerald. CJ was a good girl." But then there's the former pastor who swore up and down that they were bad signs.
So, mixed feelings here and there. But regardless, the twins were pretty popular. Couldn't toss a stone without hitting someone who knew them.
When they were younger, they didn't play much with the other kids, choosing to be alone. They would play a game called "Fantasy Land". Until Roman started to grow out of it and start socializing with the town children. Remus never let Fantasy Land go. He swore there was something to it. And when he got older, he often set out into the woods they appeared in looking for it. And he would do this even in dangerous conditions.
More rumors spread about Remus, and Roman, who now clung to his new social circle and the status and adoration it brought him-started to separate himself from him. Which, you know, was very heartbreaking. Remus thought they would always have each other's backs.
Patton would end up moving to this town much later, moving into the old Jane residence. And quickly finding out why it was so cheap. But hey, he loves a good fixer upper. He would play music while he worked. This would end up drawing the attention of a certain shadow. Things would be moved around, Patton would spot something out of the corner of his eye-he was convinced the place was haunted. And apparently so haunted that not even the current or former pastor would touch the place. Apparently, the former had witnessed something terrible there that made him go. "Nope, I quit."
Virgil doesn't mean any harm, really. He just thinks Patton's reactions are hilarious. But then, Patton starts trying to talk to him. Of course, Patton is thinking the place is haunted, and he's thinking that if he tries helping this "ghost" pass on, it'll stop scaring him.
Over the course of a few months, Patton doesn't bat an eye whenever something falls off the counter. Virgil is a little miffed, but curious. Virgil could, you know, show himself. If he wanted to. But that would mean having to charge his dimensional crystal afterwards or finding an intact gateway. And he doesn't yet trust this guy. Even if he does leave him snacks or turns on the radio for him because he "really seems to like that My Chemical Romance"
Patton is now fully accepting that he has a ghost roomie.
Now, Virgil can go anywhere in town. He's just drawn to music. He's not stuck in the house. Most other shadow people uh, avoid people. But Virgil? No. Especially not when music is involved. And there's good reason for that. Cathy Jane. She was a young woman who taught piano. And she swore her home was haunted. I mean, in a sense it was. Virgil's father just really loved listening to her piano. And would later on show himself-only, welllllll. He kinda didn't want to spook her, so he pretended to be an ordinary human during the day and would go back to his shadowself at night. Which is how long it takes his powers to recharge.
So, they're dating. But she's unaware that he's the one haunting her house. She eventually calls on the then current pastor(now former) and asks her boyfriend to be there for support. And long story short whatever the pastor does ends up forcing him to drop his human facade-which he tries to desperately cling to, the whole ordeal looks horrendous. Terrifying.
Mixed feelings in the aftermath. She was lied to about what he was. But she desperately wants to be with him. Thing is, humans cannot withstand the shadow realm for long periods of time. One day she was there, and the next? Gone. Who knows what happened to her.... 👀 I do, bish.
She would make trips into the shadow realm through a gate her love showed her, and sometimes when she left she would wind up in the woods, disoriented, temporarily blinded by the sudden change in light. This was witnessed by a few hunters and word quickly spread that she had lost her marbles. And she would be gone for weeks at a time! What was she doing? Where was she going? Is that a baby bump??
Eventually she was found and sent to a mental ward. Very upsetting as there didn't seem to be any gates around. But, she found that if she deprived herself of her senses she could leave That way. Good ol' sensory deprivation. She blinded herself.
Also the poor doctor who delivered her baby just legit saw both her and the kid vanish. He just ".... what???"
Anyways, she unfortunately passed. But yeah! Virgil will eventually be able to freely move between the shadow realm and the material plane without the crystal, and without having to wait super long to do so.
Janus literally came from a dimension where everyone is reptilian. He was a prince that they planned on using as a pawn to wage an attack on "Fantasy Land". But he said "hah, no" and booked it.
Logan was an inventor who was fleeing his dimension's tyrannical ruler who had turned nearly everyone into brainwashed machines because he wants to invade the snek dimension and enslave them. But Logan has the only working portal that can do so.
And they both ended up in the main dimension because they each heard an odd melody. Which was Roman, he sings a lot.
Speaking of the twins-Remus ends up missing when Roman comes back to town(after leaving for a year). Roman of course goes off to find him, and eventually does, which leads to another argument between the two. Untiiiil the necklaces they've had since birth start glowing.
Long story short they're lead, by the necklaces, to Patton's home, hearing someone humming. Remus literally breaks in-how dare. And starts investigating. And Roman doesn't want any part in it and tries to stay outside-until his necklace literally tries to fling him up the stairs-and shortly after, he comes face to face with Virgil
Also Patton knocks Remus out with a cookie jar because he literally thought he was a burglar.
As for Janus and Logan. They have managed to seamlessly integrate themselves into the town's population. They will only reveal themselves when the twins start investigating the towns's history.
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SSS Seiko?
Disclaimer: R18 material! If not to your liking then please do not view!
SSS - Seiko
Ah, Christmas. Time for cheer, time for presents, time for joy and laughter...
But for Seiko it was mainly the time of year for people using their funds to commission her for drugs of both legal and not-so legal nature.
A very stressful time that had her hands full and not really want to be disturbed since she had tight deadlines, and very cranky people she had to please! So much so, she was stuck in her lab for much of the month and had forgotten about her Secret Sexy Santa.
At least, until she burst right on it~
"WHAT'S UP BITCHES?! THE MIU IRUMA IS IN THE HOUSE!!!! Ready to be have the fucking of your wildest dreams?!"
"Gaaaaaaaah!!!!" Miu had kicked in the door of Seiko, nearly causing the pharmacist to drop a beaker with some unknown chemicals. Glaring, she pointed at Miu and shouted.
"G-get out!!! Out!! Y-you're going to just ruin my w-...um. Where are your...clothes?" Currently, Miu was just wearing Christmas Tree themed pasties over her E-cup sized breasts and plump pussy. Shrinking back in fear from being yelled at, she was also cuddling a strange ray gun. in her arms.
"I-I...I thought since I was your Santa, a-a-and know you'd be busy this year...i-it'd be nice to j-just look sexy and get to boning quick, y'know? I-I was even going to clone myself here and really help you relieve some stre-!"
"Did you say 'clone yourself?"
"Um...yeah? My ray gun can do that! Oh! I-I can even adjust the setting to really make a sexier bitch of myself if you want!!" Seiko looked between Miu...and her own work she had yet complete. Then back to Miu with a strange glint in her eyes.
"...Say, if I go through with this...can I borrow that gun, please? For...say the rest of the month?" Miu blinked, but as she gave a 's-sure', Seiko had rushed over to her pills - the one that causes her to hulk out!!
Swallowing a bunch in one-go, Miu watched in awe as Seiko became 'Beast Seiko'. With a chest that could rival hers and curves that was just begging to be touched, the feral pharmacist smirked and wrapped her arms around Miu's squishy thighs before burying her snarling face into the inventor's knockers!!
"You...you have just made my Christmas!! Thank you, Miu! And, as a little present for you-!!" A long, black, slimy tongue came out of Seiko's mouth and began to lick at Miu's boobs for a good while. Filling the lab's with sounds of the woman's pleasured sighs and gasps as whatever was in that saliva of Seiko's really made her chest super sensitive and wanting for more. For more of this sexy ass monster woman~
"I'm gonna be doing some 'testing' on you! All! Night!! Long!!!"
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Hey, first of all I wanted to say that I love your fic recs as someone who is just now getting back into the fandom, they've been awesome and I cannot tell you how helpful they have been in fueling my hyperfixating soul
Second, I'm looking for a fic that I haven't been able to find. I don't remember much, but I remember it was explicit, and essentially John was like "yeah okay we together let's fuck" and sherlock being all sure that john was only doing it bc he was having a dry spell with women. The only other thing I remember was one time they were together (I think maybe they had been in public but I'm not sure) and john went "wait wtf did you think was happening??" and Sherlock responded with "I was just trying to make sure you didnt stop shagging me!"
Thanks for the help, and if you cant it, thanks for existing :) you're awesome
Hi Nonny!
First of all, thank you so much for you kind words!!! It makes me feel so happy when people find enjoyment from MY hyperfixation, hahahahah!
Secondly, I THINK this fic you're looking for is one of these:
Acceptable Behaviour by bbcatemysoul (M, 3,449 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Dev. Rel., Miscommunication, First Time) – Sherlock isn't really sure why John wants to shag him, but he's certain that if he's careful to behave properly about it, John can be persuaded to keep doing it. In other news, John is a good boyfriend and Sherlock is an idiot.
A Chemical Defect Found (On the Losing Side Remix) by AreteArt (M, 7,978 w., 1 Ch. || First Time / Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Mildly Dubious Consent, Angst, Fluff, Misunderstandings, Pining, Anal / Oral Sex, Frottage) – A remix of missselene's "On the Losing Side." After Mary's death, John moves back into Baker Street. He and Sherlock stumble into a relationship, or something of that sort. Sherlock's rather giving when it comes to sex, but that doesn't mean he and John ever talk about it. (TO READ)
On the Losing Side by missselene (E, 8,210 w., 1 Ch. || Anal / Oral, First Kiss / Time, Angst, Misunderstandings, Mild Dub Con / Drunk John) – After Mary's death, John moves back into Baker Street, but is still upset at the loss of his wife and child. Eventually, he and Sherlock stumble into a sort of relationship, but it's more physical than anything and they don't talk about it. They especially don't talk during sex. If they are going to have sex, Sherlock notices the signs hours beforehand, and he prepares carefully. The lights are off, they're under the covers, he prepares himself using lots of lube so he can make it feel as much like a woman as he can, and he doesn't let himself make any noise so that, if John wishes, he can pretend that he's still with Mary.
-----
If someone thinks it's something else, please let me know!!
I hope one of these are it!
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i’d love to hear about the lore too tbh HAHA. i never got far enough in the game for it and i am not usually a wiki reader typa guy.
(also for the record i was planning on buying it beforehand but then you started posting about it around the same time and i was like oh! divine timing. add to cart.)
(that's completely fair tbh, i've been there)
oh sweet!! this i know how to talk about. since this is on a kin blog, i'm just going to preface this by saying that i'm talking purely about the in-game lore and not any canon-divergences i might have in my own personal timelines, as much as it might bother me to put them aside
and i realized about halfway through writing this post that i'm mostly talking about the events leading up to the game and not what actually happens during it because that's what i'm most familiar with (because that's the part i was there for lmao) but w/e let's get into it
tw for child death, self-harm, and suicide
welcome to the city, the last known remaining bastion of humanity, which is divided into 26 wings, large and powerful conglomerates, and the head, its central government. it's a corporate dystopian nightmare where essentially everyone is corrupt, nihilistic, and out for themselves.
enter carmen, a one-of-a-kind altruistic and compassionate woman who shines like the sun and believes that she can fix what's broken about the city by reigniting the extinguished light in people's souls through a project she calls "the seed of light". she rallies a small group of people (ayin, benjamin, elijah, gabriel, giovanni, michelle, kali, and daniel) to join her and rescues two children (enoch and lisa) from the backstreets (dangerous and lower-class places) of a wing along the way.
their main experiments were with cogito, an unstable chemical substance extracted from humans' minds. a major step they soon had to take in their research was to test cogito on a human. carmen was the most compatible candidate, but enoch volunteers himself, despite lisa really not wanting him to. after much deliberation, carmen agrees and approves of the experiment.
it does not go well, and he does not survive.
lisa snaps at carmen and tells her that she should've been the one to die rather than enoch, and carmen completely shatters. she loses her spark and falls into a deep depression, barely smiling or talking anymore and often wandering aimlessly around the facility laughing and crying. the others continue to work, but their morale suffers.
eventually, she tries to kill herself, slitting her wrists in a bathtub. ayin finds her first, alive but unconscious. his first priority is their project, and he knows that she could be just what they needed to continue their research, so he removes her nervous system and places it in a reservoir so he can use it to produce more cogito for more experiments. she is implied to be more or less fully alive and conscious in this state.
the project continues under ayin's leadership, but things aren't the same without carmen there, and he can't lead in the same way she could; but he is determined to finish what she started, and unlike her, he doesn't care who has to get hurt.
almost everyone working on the project then dies:
elijah wants to help with the cogito experiments, but ayin won't let her because he doesn't think she's ready yet. she gets her hands on untreated cogito not meant for human use and uses it on herself. she slowly and painfully dies and ayin watches while she begs him to kill her and put her out of her misery
gabriel, upon finding out about elijah's death, becomes obsessive and paranoid about safety regulations, not wanting to have any part of his body exposed to open air for risk of "contamination" and scratching himself harshly, which eventually leads to his death despite the efforts of the other employees
giovanni agrees to being experimented on with cogito because ayin tells him that it could potentially be used to save carmen, leading to his mental decline and death
michelle finds herself unable to stay silent about what's happening here and tells the head, the government of the city. they send a woman named garion to deal with the situation, who kills both lisa and daniel. kali faces garion in battle to protect the others, leaving kali dead and garion badly injured. ayin tortures her for information on how he could make their lab into a wing. michelle commits suicide after learning what happened in the facility
with only himself and benjamin left, ayin orchestrates a war known as the smoke war with the help of a few other wings to take down the current l corp and create lobotomy corporation in its place. he violates one of the rules of the city, the ai ethics amendment, to create angela, a robot meant to assist him with finishing the project. he models her after carmen, but after realizing she is nothing like carmen at all, he refuses to interact with her in any way or even look at her. benjamin does what he can to try to support her.
ayin, still determined to finish the project, takes the remains of his coworkers, puts them in mechanical bodies, suppresses their memories, and gives them new names, creating the sephirah; elijah is malkuth, gabriel is yesod, giovanni is netzach, michelle is hod, lisa and enoch are tiphereth a and b respectively, kali is gebura, daniel is chesed, and garion is binah.
he forms a contract with t corp to create time loops with new managers in the hopes that one will eventually be able to finish the project. benjamin senses that ayin is coming to a point of no return and tries to warn him about how this could go wrong, but angela kills him before he can, turning him into the sephirot hokma, though he manages to implement a few messages into the loops as a failsafe and warning for new managers.
in the end, ayin is alone, with everyone he once worked with dead and the weight of carmen's expectations and the project on his shoulders. he tries to kill himself, but is stopped, and decides to give up in his own way, transferring his memories into a data system so they can be implanted into new managers who come to the facility.
to make her more easily able to deal with emergency situations, angela was programmed to process time a hundred times slower than humans do, and as she withstands millennia of suffering and horror throughout the loops, she becomes cold and ruthless, nothing at all like the person she was once meant to embody.
#leif muses#leif answers#sorry it's been like a week since you sent this my brain was Not in an ask answering mood#i might've missed a few things or not explained some of it as well as i could have but i think it's pretty good#turning reblogs off since this is on my kin blog
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