#my brains not- doing well
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Im going to give my parents shaken baby syndroms Im- hhhhhhhh vent :3 (gonna put any warning stuffs in tags)
I am so just- am eepy. I want to sleep. It is fucking 2:30 in the morning. But I cannot! Because I am hungry! And my body is fucking not doing good! And I can not do anything about it because I do not have food.
But for whatever reason!! My mother!! Who eats the least in this household!! Continually has her stuff stocked!! She fucking- eats like two of the jif to go cups of peanut butter for lunch. And that is like- her lunch. And that just fucking works for her. Which is because she got fucking weight loss surgery.
Im
Hhhhhhhhhhhh
I do not have enough food. And honestly I probably havent had enough food in months. Because instead of eating i sleep. Because my body shuts down. And I am trying *so hard* to get across to my parents that I need food. I am- hhhhh honestly prolly qualifying as anorexic speaking strictly on eating patterns. Which ik for sure my mom is.
And also my irl friend keeps talking about hes gonna starve himself. And im- hhhhh. Theres so many fucking tjings going on with him and theyre bad and I havent talked about them and im going to fucking lose my mind. But thats not even what im focused on right now.
I dont know if i can continue physical therapy. Because it is not guaranteed that i have food. And my parents say that money is tight. But my mother is constantly getting a bunch of stuff. And we have so much shit. And im- i camt handle all of this.
I cant ask for anything without being told that im asking for a lot. My mom ordered in dinner for me and my brother the other night bc she got a thing through work and i asked for what I know would be enough for me and I got told that thats too expensive. Which i understand. The cost of shit is fucking insane. But there is so much fucking focus on cost and portion size and “oh tjat costs too much” “oh youre asking for a lot” “dont forget that this is what a portion size” and even fucking talk of like calories and checking even though i ask for that to not happen.
People tell me to take some of their food because they have plenty and I get it but Im fucking terrified. My mom had locked up a shit ton of food when i was a kid including freezers. Which to this day still have the locks by them. And if im caught she wont hesitate to do it again. I cant go through that again.
I know I cant really get out. Im genuinely scared of my parents. I- cant. I cant get out. I cant leave stuff. Im terrified. Fuck i don’t remember ever not being scared of my mom in some capacity. And my dads way more passive but sometimes he yells and I just- cant do it. And i hate that what they do works. I get shoved into being this fucking doormat of a person.
Honestly I dont think I ever really got to be a person. I still dont super feel like one. I dont have complete control over myself. I dont feel like i have free will. Which sucks. I wanma be my own person. I wanna learn what itd feel like to be able to be myself for even a day. Im- just lost a lot of the time.
The only good thing I know for sure is coming out of this is that I know my depression medication works. Im pretty sure most of my issues with functioning are from malnutrition issues. And im def not suicidal or having thoughts of sh which is really nice!! Plus I know I have a very supportive group of friends online that I love very much
Wuheiwhe speaking of friends- angy about irl friend. He fucking- complained to me that he gets upset when i vent about shit at home cause hes gonna get kicked out when he turns 18. Which likw- i get it. The threat of being homeless is horrible. But if your thought process while you have fucking unwatched access to a credit card and can essentially have whatever the fuck you want while im saying i dont fucking have food at home is “well at least you have a home” IS FUCKING INSANE. Especially because you have already gathered almost $1000 in cash amd still have like 11 months to figure shit out. Your future situation sucks but that should not take away empathy for my current situation??? Where i am??? Not getting fed enough???
I understand that your homelife is shit and your family is fucked. However, you almost never get told no. Which is really fucking obvious!!! Because you wont take any of my nos for an answer!!! And tbh youre kinda financially abusive!!! I hear how you talk to your bf which is fucking insane and i hate it. And when you talk about how you pay for gas when im using my parents cars and they need to be filled and i say were driving around too much and using a lot of gas you go “well its my gas” No!! It isnt!! That is not how that works!! And just because you pay for the fucking gas WHEN YOU HAVE ME DRIVING FUCKING ALL OVER THE PLACE BECAUSE I LITERALLY CANNOT GWT YOU TO UNDERSTAND IM SAYING NO does not kean you pay for the rest of the fucking car!!! You also!! Make jokes about taking back gifts!! Because you paid for them!! Which is shitty as fuck!! And its not even your fucking koney its your grandmas money and you got fucking pissed and bitchy when Ive mentioned that when talking about it being different when one of our friends took advantage of us for money because you are just handed it and the stuff i had i workwd for, in a job that started the decline of my physical wellbeing. Its not the same fucking thing.
Im
Shaking. I want to scream. I cant. Handle everything. I dont want to have to be here and dealing with all of this.
And anothwr fucking tjing about ky friend- he gets pissy when me or his boyfriend accidentally leave garbage in his room. Which i get a little but then he doesnt take care of it either!! And then he has shit there all the time!! Including multiple unfinished starbucks drinks that have grown mold!!! Why do you keep getting the biggest fucking size when you know damn well you wont drink it.
And you keep fucking- i cant play therapist for you. You cannot constantly come crying to le about your bf and talking about how you should break up with him AND THEN GET KAD AT ME FOR SUGGESTING YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM
Im not- i cant. Im
Im violently angry. And i want to sleep. Amd i wamt to be able to have food. And i want my oarents to love me and understand me. Or even fucking- to try. At all. I want my physical wellbeing to matter. But it doesnt. In multiple different ways. And its all just so bad all the time and i try and tune it out but it slips through.
Im having trouble remember things. Its bad. Im- i cant use my brain as well as i know i should be able to. Im- idk. I just cant fucking deal with this. Except im still going to. Im complaining but theres mot kuch i can change.
I hate feeling like im breaking all the time. I want to be able to be loved and be a person and have a home!!! I have a roof over my head. And i appreciate that so much. But this is absolutely not a home. And its very much not welcoming for me. And I just- I perpetually have the feeling of “i want to go home” with no home to go to. And its been like that for most of my life. And I just- really want to have a home.
#vent#tw vent#this was originally about ky parents but it tirned into a generalized thing#ummm#tw disordered eating#tw eating issues#financial abuse#fuckinggg#emotional abuse#???#shit gets fucky idk#my brains not- doing well#also im actively running away from server friends in this post#i love you guys#just#being vulnerable is hard and i hold back as much as i can#when were on call or whatever#scared of complaining too much and pushing people away again#pls dont leave lol
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Lead them to paradise.
#dune#had to do some math for this!#dune part two#dune 2#paul atreides#jessica atreides#arrakis#my art#legionofpotatoes#sorry for this again wanted to big brain the presentation so i tried a Thing#feel like it stitches together fairly well
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Father-Son bonding moment ✨
#genshin impact#arlecchino#freminet#based off of that one twitter post because it's just SO arle x her children core#well mostly just fremmy and lyney#In my little delusional brain arle treats her little feline daughter like a princess and will be carried as such#the boys however will be held like Objects#ANYWAYS HAPPY ARLECCHINO DRIP MARKETING DAY I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL BUT I WAS LAZY SO INSTEAD YOU'RE ALL GETTING A DUMB MEME
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I got my hair cut the other day and of course I had to draw the dca boys running a hair salon:
Sun would be so effortlessly charming. Always chatting away with customers, explaining each product he uses and how to best maintain and style their hair.
Moon I can see being popular with the less chattier customers (like me) but over time they begin to open up. I imagine he hums while working. Otherwise, he's all ears for the newest gossip.
(The clipped up hat idea came from @bamsara's solar lunacy doodles!)
Also I love the popular headcanon that the dca can speak other languages, so I can imagine them being a hit with the aunties.
The full sketch page under cut! And some of my other thoughts
Other thoughts about this... AU? Can I call it an AU? Feels kinda small for an AU, but whatever:
Eclipse works there too! Haven't decided if it would be canon or fanon Eclipse, though I really like the image of 4-armed Eclipse working on 2 clients at once (plus, the nickname Clip is perfect for this scenario)
of course they're great with kids! They'd be able to console kids that get scared of getting their hair cut. Sun would do a little trick and tell them how good and brave they are all the way through. Moon would console them and hum a soothing song (or hey maybe they notice the kid's wearing a disney shirt and starts humming some showtunes). Every kid gets a candydrop and a balloon on their way out.
y/n works at the hair salon as a part-timer and does tasks around the salon like sweeping, arranging bookings, washing hair, etc. They don't really care too much about their own hair, but the boys are always offering to style it, dye it, braid it. With y/n's permission, the boys always toy with their hair—patting it, combing their hands through it, brushing it over y/n's ear, ruffling it.
#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#fnaf dca#dca fandom#this idea has been running rampant in my brain while I've been trying to focus on my modules these past few days#I can't take any credit for their outfits tho these were literally just what the hairdressers at my local salon we wearing that day#this all started because my hairdresser was wearing a delightfully yellow sweater#and just ohmygosh hairdresser sunny popped into my mind#this was also an experimentation with colouring with markers#need more colouring practice especially with shading#also learned the hard way that none of my fineliners are waterproof#or at least they don't play well with my markers! they seem to work with my watercolour paints just fine#sighhhhhh#crab art#New Do Same You AU
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Dp x Dc prompt #5
Ra’s is staring at the creature— as that is is no way a regular human— that just crawled out of the Pits.
It’s glowing green, the same shade of the Pits, with stark white hair and eyes that same green color. It’s floating in the air, with no legs to speak of but instead some kind of spectral tail.
The creature is wearing some kind of black and white jumpsuit underneath a safety vest. It also has a hard hat on its head and is holding a pen and clipboard.
Any blades that his assassins have used just move right through the creature. Though the creature has not shown any hostility so far, mainly looking around with curiosity, it still—
“Where are the railings?”
“Excuse me?”
“The railings.”
The creature gestures towards the pit.
“… There are none?”
“Hm.”
It makes a note on its clipboard.
#dp x dc#dc x dp#dpxdc#dcxdp#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc prompt#saw a tag one one of my reblogged posts somewhere about OSHA danny#and this prompt entered by brain rufusing to leave#i tried googling pics of the pits to see if it actually had railings or not#could not find any#if the pits do have railings then oh well
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so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.
#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year#fig faeth#ruben hopclap#lucy frostblade#the rat grinders#adaine abernant#kipperlilly copperkettle#watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!!#this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk#like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was#what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god#my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season#the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands#also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally-#changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk#but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up#they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here#there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows#the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!!#anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance
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guys the kiss was so important especially from a narrative and storytelling perspective because it was literally Crowley taking everything that's happened between them, every unsaid intention and every unspoken promise, and making it physical.
He's taking their arrangement and every other bullshit excuse they've ever used to hide how they feel about each other and throwing them out the window to put their feelings into an undeniable physical action that holds a lot of meaning to humans in order to be absolutely sure that Aziraphale knows exactly what he means when he says "we could have been Us." He wants to be absolutely sure that there are no misunderstandings between them and know that Azirphale will be committing to this decision with absolute reassurance that he's been understood and rejected anyway.
he's taking a human action with so much meaning and so much importance, and he's using it as a way to desperately make Aziraphale completely and undeniably aware of what he's stating. No more charades and no more lies or cover-ups. There's no denying this thing between them now, and Crowley did it the human way. Because he and Aziraphale love humanity and it's everything to them in their own ways.
There's a reason we saw a kiss between Crowley and Aziraphale, and not Gabriel and Beelzebub, despite them both being undeniable foils.
and really if you just think about that isn't it so god damned beautiful?
#im crying and throwing up#like please tell me u guys get what im saying#and im not just spouting bullshit#like literally i swear this is something i hope i articulated it well enough#like its so SYMBOLIC#it makes my fucking little brain do jumping jacks of joy#bi.f.shit#good omens#good omens 2#good omens 2 spoilers#gos2 spoilers#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable divorcées#ineffable husbands#gos2ep6 spoilers#good omens analysis
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#selfie bee#hello friends!! how are you doing!! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ#I'm very very tired today#I woke up very early today because I took a driving lesson!#I have had my licence for many many years now but I haven't driven in so long#and when I tried I just turned on the windshield wipers again and again#so I'm taking some refreshment lessons! I was really afraid of driving again but my new driving teacher is very nice (❁´‿`❁)#my last one scared me a little because he talked a lot about bathroom renovation#I just drove for an hour or so but I was so concentrated that I'm very tired now#I have another lesson tomorrow because I deleted every information in my brain about how to park a car#all those synapses are currently used to remember Godzilla facts#another big news!!#I saw a PHEASANT last week#we almost hit it with the car but luckly it remembered in time that it was a bird and flew away#I've NEVER seen a pheasant before!! ( ´ ▽ ` )#I knew that pheasants were real because my favourite cartoon as a child was animals of farthing wood#and there's pheasants in it and then they get murdered and all the other animals are like 'oh well'#but I had never seen one!#I feel like a stronger person now#one that can drive a car#maybe even park one ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ#have a wonderful evening friends#<3
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Had a silly dream where JD and Floyd came back to the troll tree before the last trollstice but after singing killed their grandma and decided to doodle and expand upon it a bit
Clay never left the tree but was too scared to return to the families pod since he didn’t want things to go back to how they were before, he did try to find his brothers during the escape but got separated by the cave in.
John Dory was the one to find Clay and see him get caught by the cave in, when he came out of the tunnel without Clay and holding his wristband they all just assumed he was dead. Even so JD still searches for Clay with the hope that he might’ve escaped and is alive out there.
They know Bruce is alive but after JD got the post card he assumed Bruce didn’t want to be found
Some more doodles that kind of show their dynamic
Also-
JD always brings home souvenirs for the brothers both as an apology for being gone for so long and also because of this:
#my art#trolls#trolls 3#dreamworks trolls#trolls band together#trolls branch#trolls john dory#trolls floyd#trolls clay#trolls bruce#theyre mentioned but still#the dream brought the concepts to my brain#and i havent been able to stop thinking about it so i had to draw it#jd and floyd were going camping exposition dumping the lore#it was like i was watching a retellig of the first movie#clay is still alive btw#he doesnt know grandma is dead#JD and Floyd had run into him after coming back and tried to tell him#but they saw how well he was adjusting to his new life they didnt have the heart to do it#then they never got the chance since the second time they saw him it was during the great bergen escape#and they think he got buried alive or worse#floyd and branch were one of the first ones out of the tunnel#jd was one of the last#since after presumably watching his brother die he went on to help others escape#and now he insanely searches for clay and bruce while pretending everything is a okay#floyd has to be the voice of reason while also taking care of branch#and branch is branch completely isolating himself#good times :D#idk if ill do more for this but i wanted to share what i had
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The Promised Neverland manga spoilers!
[Day 201]
Everyone blame cherrysherin2 (go check out this art that made me absolutely lose it) I take no responsibility
#dddaily4sherin#The Promised Hermitopia#desert duo#grian#goodtimeswithscar#ft cub cameo#trafficblr#my art#comic#tw blood#tw impalement#tw scopophobia#dialogue taken from chapter 93 of the tpn manga ofc!! as well as some panel redraws but i changed a lot around#this got out of hand sO INCREDIBLY QUICK HELP ITS NOT SUPPOSED OT BE FULLY COLORED#so sorry to the people that have absolutely no context I swear im planning to do a premise comic thingy soon (probably)#im just struggling to design xisuma bc how the HELL DO U MAKE HIM XISUMA WITHOUT THE HELMET ASJKDHAHUD O7#this au is not only living in my brain rent free. its brainworms are eating up the fucking walls
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Dpx Dc AU: Ectoplasm is required for Ghosts to be visible to the human eye- And Danny creates his own ectoplasm.
Danny is visiting Jazz in Gotham and its weird how friendly everyone is. Like, the city gets a really bad rapport, everywhere he goes there is someone trying to strike up a conversation or answer his questions about getting around to the tourist spots. A few people even pointed out restaurants and ways to find off the beaten path gems! Jazz seems to role her eyes at him, but when he brings up her 'roommate' being kind of cute she flat out laughs.
Danny then comes to understand the Jazz doesn't have a roommate and that Ghosts in Gotham don't move far from their haunts- He's just been inadvertently turning these undead folks visible by accident of generating abnormal amounts of ectoplasm.
Which, is comforting in a way, he's never walking this dangerous city alone and really, most of the ghosts have been really friendly! They disappear once he's a few blocks away from them anyway.
---
Tim Drake is having a horrible day.
He'd been given intel that one of Black Mask's guys was going to snitch but that he'd died before given the opportunity to reach out to the GCPD. He tracks down the guy's last know whereabouts and yikes. Its next to the Theater. Tim was often grateful for his childhood obsessions, this time it backfired.
Tim and Bruce get into an argument about trust and respect and, worst of all, mental health. And even though Tim was vehemently against Batman accompanying Red Robin to the alleyway - that's exactly what happens.
They arrive and Bruce is closing up faster than a clam in the contaminated Gotham Bay- Clearly being in the Alley bothers him. No fucking shit. RR gets started on collecting evidence, there are a few extra blood splatters and a single left shoe... When a kid walks into the Alley.
"Uh, sorry to intrude-" The kid looks scared shitless, and runs away. And then, all of a sudden, Batman and Robin aren't alone in the Alley.
Tim can hardly believe his eyes as the dead man appears and quickly blabs Black Mask's bank passwords and what the plan had been- and While he's over joyed to have that closure, he turns around to Batman weeping in the arms of his parents.
The ghosts fade, and the emotions are certainly charged as this was never something Bruce or Tim would have ever dreamed of happening. Ghosts in Gotham. Talking, floating, granting closure.
"RR, Bats, come in." Oracle calls into their ears.
"Reporting in, but, uh, we need a minute."
"A minute? We have a case on 4th and-"
"O, we just saw the ghosts of the Waynes. It's going to be a minute."
"...Lots of Ghost reports lately then. Any chance you saw a kid looking like he could be adopted?"
"Yeah, actually, black hair and blue eyes. He was super polite before he ran away."
"We have work to do. Oracle, lets prioritize finding our person of interest and divert Nightwing and Robin to the case on 4th." Batman cut between them on the comms and he sounded... calmer than either of them anticipated.
---
Jazz is no longer laughing when Batman appears at her door explaining that he's looking for Danny (Who already flew away from town to get a good night's sleep before class on Monday). Turns out Danny reunited the man with his dead parents just briefly- and then the second guy appears and mentions how Danny had also given a guy who'd been murdered by a Mob enough time to explain the ongoing threats the city faced.
Jazz just rolls her eyes and says that it's not like the ghosts are going anywhere anytime soon and Danny will visit in another month. When pressed, she just explains that her brother is a weirdo. No of course he doesn't have powers. Gaslight and Girlbosses her way out.
And Jazz thinks that the game is up for at least another month, obviously when Danny visits more shit will stir up, but then this new guy appears.
Unlike the other Bats who are keen on watching her from a distance, the Red Hood knocks on her door. Are her eyebrows all the way into her hairline when Red Hood asks her to send his thanks along to Danny because somehow this whole situation led to his Dad expressing remorse for his actions and apologizing? Yes, yes they are.
But Jazz can smell Dissertation Data off of these vigilantes- Who is she to send them away? Jazz welcomes Red Hood into her place for a cup of tea and a small chat.
The story then devolves into Jazz getting shit done, Danny being cute by proximity and also bringing ghosts to the party, and the Bats having trauma resolve between them.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#danny phantom#dc crossover#dp crossover#long post#danny can make ghosts appear like they do in amity but only for a short while and when in proximity to him#its not apparent in amity because the ghosts are just like that there#Danny just having a good time#Danny having zero brain cells about this whole thing and neither he nor jazz will offer explanations#they're just like 'gotham has ghosts. its not like he put them there'#Bruce getting into therapy because his dead parents said they were proud of him and he didnt know how to handle that#bruce having to turn this energy around somehow and seeing jason - my boy i love you so much and im so sorry and im so proud of you#heres the thing i dont know how i made it anger management ship at the end but i sure as fuck did.#jason is at a lack of words at bruce's confessions of pride and love but is also about to be a BAT about this and track down info#info in the form of a cute girl#oh yeah she has a brother#uh well#he has brothers too- this is fine#someone write this fic pls n thx u
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"Well, this is a bad idea," Tim says, hands on his hips as he surveys the mess they’ve made in the cave.
"Nah," Danny replies, twirling his screwdriver in the air in what is probably meant to be an impressive trick to inspire confidence, except he fumbles it and it clangs to the floor loudly, "we good. If a younger version of myself hasn't come forward in time to stop me, how bad can it be?"
"Shouldn't it be the other way round?"
"What?"
"Normally, it's an older version of yourself going backwards in time to stop you, right?"
"Not in my experience."
Danny's grin is impossibly feral and a shiver runs up Tim's spine.
"This is definitely a bad idea."
#dpxdc#dcxdp#batpham#dead tired#dead tired ship#there is a more expanded upon version of this with actual backstory and context rotting in the recesses of my brain#but its only half on paper and the conversation made me laugh so#here: have some feral danny leading tim down a path to disaster#danny: this is going to go so well! i have such a good feeling about this!!#tim: this is going to go so poorly. i have such a bad feeling about this.#danny: 🥺🙏🙏🙏#tim: i never said we weren’t doing it. i just reserve the right to tell you i told you so when it inevitably goes wrong#danny: leave that to younger me - he always makes very valid points in the form of fists to the face!#tim: can you stop talking please this is making me want to do it less#danny: no.
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The italicized "oh." of it all 😭
Blake's Version
#rwby#bumbleby#yang xiao long#blake belladonna#bees#rwby v9#rwby spoilers#rwby v9 spoilers#screencap redraw#screen cap redraw#fanart#fan art#would like to do blake as well but i gotta touch grass first#that episode altered my brain chemistry#and if this is how i handle the bees i don't have a clue how i'm supposed to handle the rg reunion#rwby fanart
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Floyd but hes sponsored by mountain dew frost bite after i accidentally defaulted to my non-troll style while drawing him
i was originally going to do all of brozone in different mtn dew palette pinups for funzies but i lost steam so you guys get the shitpost i made when i was trying to decide on palettes instead
#i might come back to this and do baja blast john dory cause i think the palette fits him really well actually#they had to get sponsored by mountain dew to be able to afford the brozone reunion tour#it was too late to turn back by the time i realized i was drawing him with twink furry proportions cause i had work on the brain#trolls#trolls band together#floyd trolls#john dory trolls#bruce trolls#clay trolls#branch trolls#brozone#my art
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one thing u can count on me for is being normal about Some Guy
process under cut where u can see me losing my mind trying 2 figure out what i was doing in real time! :3
#mine#cats#original#i started colouring this last night and could NOT . get my brain to work#i like knew the vibes but i couldnt translate that into an actual physical colour palette AOAUGH#but i did kind of pop off w this one ngl. anyway#ive been listening to you cant do that podcast very good very funny hockey girls !!#i do need to listen to a boring white man podcast though so i can get . information . and not just who has been the most cunty nhl player#what else happened today. my tamagotchi evolved ! i love them so much#and i completed sm more crochet blanket! maybe i should post pictures of that bc its going to take years off my life i might as well get#sm clout for it
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