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bunnychargebolt · 2 months

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Im going to give my parents shaken baby syndroms Im- hhhhhhhh vent :3 (gonna put any warning stuffs in tags)

I am so just- am eepy. I want to sleep. It is fucking 2:30 in the morning. But I cannot! Because I am hungry! And my body is fucking not doing good! And I can not do anything about it because I do not have food.

But for whatever reason!! My mother!! Who eats the least in this household!! Continually has her stuff stocked!! She fucking- eats like two of the jif to go cups of peanut butter for lunch. And that is like- her lunch. And that just fucking works for her. Which is because she got fucking weight loss surgery.

Im

Hhhhhhhhhhhh

I do not have enough food. And honestly I probably havent had enough food in months. Because instead of eating i sleep. Because my body shuts down. And I am trying *so hard* to get across to my parents that I need food. I am- hhhhh honestly prolly qualifying as anorexic speaking strictly on eating patterns. Which ik for sure my mom is.

And also my irl friend keeps talking about hes gonna starve himself. And im- hhhhh. Theres so many fucking tjings going on with him and theyre bad and I havent talked about them and im going to fucking lose my mind. But thats not even what im focused on right now.

I dont know if i can continue physical therapy. Because it is not guaranteed that i have food. And my parents say that money is tight. But my mother is constantly getting a bunch of stuff. And we have so much shit. And im- i camt handle all of this.

I cant ask for anything without being told that im asking for a lot. My mom ordered in dinner for me and my brother the other night bc she got a thing through work and i asked for what I know would be enough for me and I got told that thats too expensive. Which i understand. The cost of shit is fucking insane. But there is so much fucking focus on cost and portion size and “oh tjat costs too much” “oh youre asking for a lot” “dont forget that this is what a portion size” and even fucking talk of like calories and checking even though i ask for that to not happen.

People tell me to take some of their food because they have plenty and I get it but Im fucking terrified. My mom had locked up a shit ton of food when i was a kid including freezers. Which to this day still have the locks by them. And if im caught she wont hesitate to do it again. I cant go through that again.

I know I cant really get out. Im genuinely scared of my parents. I- cant. I cant get out. I cant leave stuff. Im terrified. Fuck i don’t remember ever not being scared of my mom in some capacity. And my dads way more passive but sometimes he yells and I just- cant do it. And i hate that what they do works. I get shoved into being this fucking doormat of a person.

Honestly I dont think I ever really got to be a person. I still dont super feel like one. I dont have complete control over myself. I dont feel like i have free will. Which sucks. I wanma be my own person. I wanna learn what itd feel like to be able to be myself for even a day. Im- just lost a lot of the time.

The only good thing I know for sure is coming out of this is that I know my depression medication works. Im pretty sure most of my issues with functioning are from malnutrition issues. And im def not suicidal or having thoughts of sh which is really nice!! Plus I know I have a very supportive group of friends online that I love very much

Wuheiwhe speaking of friends- angy about irl friend. He fucking- complained to me that he gets upset when i vent about shit at home cause hes gonna get kicked out when he turns 18. Which likw- i get it. The threat of being homeless is horrible. But if your thought process while you have fucking unwatched access to a credit card and can essentially have whatever the fuck you want while im saying i dont fucking have food at home is “well at least you have a home” IS FUCKING INSANE. Especially because you have already gathered almost $1000 in cash amd still have like 11 months to figure shit out. Your future situation sucks but that should not take away empathy for my current situation??? Where i am??? Not getting fed enough???

I understand that your homelife is shit and your family is fucked. However, you almost never get told no. Which is really fucking obvious!!! Because you wont take any of my nos for an answer!!! And tbh youre kinda financially abusive!!! I hear how you talk to your bf which is fucking insane and i hate it. And when you talk about how you pay for gas when im using my parents cars and they need to be filled and i say were driving around too much and using a lot of gas you go “well its my gas” No!! It isnt!! That is not how that works!! And just because you pay for the fucking gas WHEN YOU HAVE ME DRIVING FUCKING ALL OVER THE PLACE BECAUSE I LITERALLY CANNOT GWT YOU TO UNDERSTAND IM SAYING NO does not kean you pay for the rest of the fucking car!!! You also!! Make jokes about taking back gifts!! Because you paid for them!! Which is shitty as fuck!! And its not even your fucking koney its your grandmas money and you got fucking pissed and bitchy when Ive mentioned that when talking about it being different when one of our friends took advantage of us for money because you are just handed it and the stuff i had i workwd for, in a job that started the decline of my physical wellbeing. Its not the same fucking thing.

Im

Shaking. I want to scream. I cant. Handle everything. I dont want to have to be here and dealing with all of this.

And anothwr fucking tjing about ky friend- he gets pissy when me or his boyfriend accidentally leave garbage in his room. Which i get a little but then he doesnt take care of it either!! And then he has shit there all the time!! Including multiple unfinished starbucks drinks that have grown mold!!! Why do you keep getting the biggest fucking size when you know damn well you wont drink it.

And you keep fucking- i cant play therapist for you. You cannot constantly come crying to le about your bf and talking about how you should break up with him AND THEN GET KAD AT ME FOR SUGGESTING YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM

Im not- i cant. Im

Im violently angry. And i want to sleep. Amd i wamt to be able to have food. And i want my oarents to love me and understand me. Or even fucking- to try. At all. I want my physical wellbeing to matter. But it doesnt. In multiple different ways. And its all just so bad all the time and i try and tune it out but it slips through.

Im having trouble remember things. Its bad. Im- i cant use my brain as well as i know i should be able to. Im- idk. I just cant fucking deal with this. Except im still going to. Im complaining but theres mot kuch i can change.

I hate feeling like im breaking all the time. I want to be able to be loved and be a person and have a home!!! I have a roof over my head. And i appreciate that so much. But this is absolutely not a home. And its very much not welcoming for me. And I just- I perpetually have the feeling of “i want to go home” with no home to go to. And its been like that for most of my life. And I just- really want to have a home.

#vent #tw vent #this was originally about ky parents but it tirned into a generalized thing #ummm #tw disordered eating #tw eating issues #financial abuse #fuckinggg #emotional abuse #???#shit gets fucky idk #my brains not- doing well #also im actively running away from server friends in this post #i love you guys #just #being vulnerable is hard and i hold back as much as i can #when were on call or whatever #scared of complaining too much and pushing people away again #pls dont leave lol

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sundaytragedy · 3 months

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I could totally do surgery on myself and even give myself anesthesia and then stitch myself up i could totally do that. I think I can figure out how to put it back

#is this just poetic or srs.....we'll never know #just know that i am high af rn #i dont have steady enough hands or good enough vision to ever be a surgeon i dont think. not in that sterile room. lol #sigh guess i'll pursue psychiatry #gonna fuck myself up irreversibly someday wdyt #trust meee #essentially surgeons ask that we trust them like thanks for not leaving any tools behind in my body i appreciate it man #that one nurse who did my 55+ stitches we had a moment #i was like no lidocaine pls i don't want my arms to be numb for the next day and a half i will kms more #so he didnt #that was so respectful of him

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anguishmacgyver · 5 months

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hungerpunch · 17 days

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too much public focus on the reader's experience of a fic. too much framing the reader as the expert. the fic is for the writer. the writer is the expert on their work. you don't like it? zip your lil lid and hit the back arrow. it's like. so simple 😐

#the way people get off on like criminalizing trends in writing or #insisting on positioning themselves as the arbiter of quality #you are the reason writers dont wanna write and fandoms die lol #bitch in the gc like someone with manners and move around ! damn #now pls don't construe this as me saying we should not address bias and prejudice in fic.#bc that is not what i am talking about.#y'all do not even leave enough comments to complain like this. what do you do around here.#fandom talk #driveby post

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rewritingcanon · 1 year

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when someone calls scorbus ‘jegulus-coded’ or compares them to drarry (of all ships), or calls albus ‘regulus-coded’ it does my head in. regulus and jegulus are in your head whilst scorbus and albus are on paper, and drarry’s dynamic is LEAGUES different to scorbus come on now

#marauders fans be swearing the cursed child and its plot and characters arent canon and then have dorcas and marlene and mary and regulus—#—fully fleshed out in their head #(but this is mostly tiktok marauder fans so tumblr ur ok)#drarry fans will call scorbus the ‘drarry they never got 🥺🥺🥺’ when both boys are more like their mums #dont even get me started on how they think james sirius is a mix of james and sirius #i can assure you jsp is not influenced whatsoever by those lond dead characters LOL #pls leave next gen fandom alone 😭#harry potter #hp #cursed child #scorpius malfoy #albus severus potter #harry potter and the cursed child #hpcc #james sirius potter #albus potter #drarry #draco malfoy #jegulus #james potter #regulus black #hp next gen #marauders #rewriting #ofc jegulus and regulus can be real characters to you though that doesnt change their meaning to you #this isnt regulus or jegulus hate its just #pls dont stamp everything as related to the marauders its super annoying for others

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aurorangen · 2 months

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to everyone who has sent me 5 fact sim asks THANK YOU! i'm not ignoring them, i've been saving them to answer at another time. rn i don't have a clue what to write since they would be important for background info, i will get to them one day

#pls no one send anymore for now lol i dont have that many sims i want to discuss. i feel bad abt leaving them weeks to answer😅 or #not answering them #rambles

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ibuks · 7 months

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art trade with @21iskindafunny :3

WEDDING GIRLS!

#dont start following me for lovelive now pls LOL..#love live #love live fanart #hanayo koizumi #rin hoshizora #rinpana #rinhana #hanarin #warning if yuri upsets you in any way leave now or be forever disturbed

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pistachiozombie · 9 months

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If anyone sees my art posted elsewhere like Amiibo or discord and claim that it is theirs, please let me know and report them. In the fallout fandom especially I had to hunt down so many art and OC thefts.

A fear of mine is having my OCs stolen, as I'm sure a lot of you can agree. They aren't just some random OC slapped into a fandom. They are a piece of me too, and a lot of work has gone into them! I've had Kaite, Lennie, Sven, and Leanna for over 13 years 😭

Thank you I love you all, and hello to my new follwers!

#also im not leaving the tolkien hyperfixation #just taking a break from it so pls dont run away lol #lotr #fallout #oc theft

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oh-my-damn · 1 year

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Knowing that he'll be going into hiding now until PH and then we'll have to suffer through wedding rumors all summer until he eventually resurfaces is just so annoying, I honestly dont know if I can keep up with this

Is there an easy way to rewrite old work quickly? I despise the fact that he is all over my hard work rn and I just want to delete it all 😭😭😭

#i am for real at my wits end at this point #i dont even find him attractive anymore??#the only reason I dont want to leave is because I worked so hard #and made such wonderful friends #but I cannot stand the thought of being trolled all summer #i am so over it at this point #give advice pls lol #maybe I should disappear for a while #chris evans #fandom

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apertures-angel-archive · 7 months

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tbh if you're just following me for fandom content, leave please thanks

#lovey hoots #i see you people liking my posts with images of n.euvillette and not interacting with anyone else #leave me alone i hate fandoms #idc if you like n.euvillette like go crazy in that regard self ship with her if you want to (far away from me tho pls thanks!)#i just dont want fandom normies here lol #anything*** else. pardon me lol

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thevoidisscreamingbackatyou · 1 year

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player week prompt 1: "We're old friends. From her school days."

rating : gen, no major archive warnings i believe

characters: carmen sandiego, player(makes sense), and vera cruz. mentions of julia :)

disclaimer: i don't usually write stories so this is probably really bad im so sorry

additionally brain went no at the first prompt so my first ones an alt oof

i swear that these will get better.

...hopefully.

Player squinted at his phone, double checking that the address was right. He ignored that this was the fifth time he'd done this, and that it was most definitely the right address.

After all, it was probably best to make sure that the orphanage where your best friend found their mother was the right one, since, y’know…it’d be kind of awkward to just go up to a random lady and be like, “Hey, I know your daughter” and have her not know which one you were talking about.

He took a deep breath and smoothed his hair anxiously, still not ready to even ring the bell. He was possibly about to meet Carmen’s mom for the first time in the at least ten years he’d known Carmen, sue him.

A couple of kids in the yard looked at him weird. Player did his best to ignore them, still extremely nervous.

Finally, his shaking fingers rose to ring the doorbell. The sudden ding! of the doorbell sound made him wince.

A pretty woman with hair the color of the red-brown soil appeared at the doorway, her eyes crinkled.

“Hello. Who are you?” she asked.

Player fumbled for a second, then replied, “Uh, my name’s—---but you can call me Player. I’m…a friend of Carmen?”

“Oh! You must be the boy she talks about in her stories, then? How do you know her?” Carmen’s mother asked. While she seemed perfectly friendly, Player noticed the slightly hostile undertones in her voice. He approved. That wariness had probably kept her and Carmen safe when Carmen retired for a bit.

“We’re old friends. From her school days. Uh, but, I’m not part of VILE. Sorry,” Player said, automatically using his usual excuse before realizing that it would likely not go over well with whatever Carmen had told her mom.

Before either of them could say anything more, Carmen appeared behind her mother.

“Player!” she exclaimed, seemingly excited to see her old friend. Player put out a fist and the two fist-bumped.

“Didn’t expect to see you here, Red,” Player joked, and Carmen winked.

“Decided to go on vacation for a bit. You caught me a couple days before I was going to go meet Julia at her college, actually!” Julia had worked at ACME for a few more years before deciding that the siblings had it under control. Chief told her to do whatever made her happy, so she went back to being a professor. She was somewhat of an Oracle, helping out with cases from behind the screen.

“Come in, it’ll be better than standing out here,” Carmen urged, and Player smiled, stepping into the home that his best friend had found.

@playerappreciationweek i think this is how you do it? apologies in advance lol

also sorry i dont have ao3 so,,,hopefully this will do!!

#playerweek2023 #csplayerweek2023 #cs player #player cs #carmen sandiego 2019 #carmen sandiego #vera cruz #future au #(?)#aged up characters #by who knows how many years but its been a w h i l e at this point #dont ask me timeline pls bc i dont know either #i forgot everything about the ending despite seeing it a few weeks ago so this is probably really out of canon #also i love college professor julia and i couldnt leave her to be acme #forgot for a few seconds this was supposed to be completely gen and included julia x carmen oops #eh it was a sentence lol its gone now tho #cs julia #help idk her character tag

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rewritingcanon · 7 months

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im gonna have to start filtering on here bc this shit is getting ridiculous

#its like my ‘for you’ on here wants me to lose it. it hates me. my opp fr.#it keeps giving me jily/hinny slander and THEN bombards me with jegulus/drarry content #😭😭😭 leave me alone pls 🙏🙏#i think its bc a lot of drarry shippers reblog my stuff? idk why it keeps giving me jegulus stuff though LOL #either that or this app is a drarry/jegulus shipper itself 💔#i cant think of other reasons since i dont post those ships or interact with that sort of content.#ive never filtered tags b4…. i will probs get it wrong 😭#anyways #marauders #harry potter #hp #jily #hinny #rewriting

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dromaeo-sauridae · 8 months

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some personal art yall are allowed to see ^_^

#dont tag as others ocs pls lol ^_^#my art #leaving reblogs on aslong as noone gets weird

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thirstyvampyr · 2 months

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anyway this movie taught me if i ever stop masking people would throw rocks at me and lock me up

#mina's diary #im lucky? i can pass as 'normal'#people still think something is off with me but i play it as im shy and reserved! i dont talk much! so i dont say weird ass shit mostly #im not really shy im just masking the life out of me 24/7 #that's why im always so low energy having to pretend to be someone else is exhausting #oh no im not stimming im just nervous ahah see not doing it anymore oh look a distraction pls stop looking at me #yea this is why i dont leave the house and interact with people #im so lonely lol

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neige-leblanche · 4 months

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as much as ppl making fun of be gay do crimes corvidcore queers rlly does feel exactly like middle school preps picking on the weird autistic kids one thing that does specifically piss me off is when someone from that sorta subculture makes a post like "omg they put cordyceps in this food/vitamin i guess they didn't know the spooky thing it does to ants!!" like. cordyceps has been cultivated (!!!) in asia & used as traditional medicine for ages and if it did That to humans literally everyone on earth would know. or are you just interested in fungi and/or parasites for clout👀

#txt #like. im much closer to *being* one of those quirky oh-so-cringe queers than making fun of them but also like. pls actually do your researc #respect other cultures. dont assume that your community's library of cool facts is comprehensive.#dont assume herd immunity from culturally insensitive or shortsighted beliefs just bc youre on tumblr. do some light research and if thats #actually your interest said research should be *fun*. otherwise just leave & post about things you are passionate about lol

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