#also im actively running away from server friends in this post
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Im going to give my parents shaken baby syndroms Im- hhhhhhhh vent :3 (gonna put any warning stuffs in tags)
I am so just- am eepy. I want to sleep. It is fucking 2:30 in the morning. But I cannot! Because I am hungry! And my body is fucking not doing good! And I can not do anything about it because I do not have food.
But for whatever reason!! My mother!! Who eats the least in this household!! Continually has her stuff stocked!! She fucking- eats like two of the jif to go cups of peanut butter for lunch. And that is like- her lunch. And that just fucking works for her. Which is because she got fucking weight loss surgery.
Im
Hhhhhhhhhhhh
I do not have enough food. And honestly I probably havent had enough food in months. Because instead of eating i sleep. Because my body shuts down. And I am trying *so hard* to get across to my parents that I need food. I am- hhhhh honestly prolly qualifying as anorexic speaking strictly on eating patterns. Which ik for sure my mom is.
And also my irl friend keeps talking about hes gonna starve himself. And im- hhhhh. Theres so many fucking tjings going on with him and theyre bad and I havent talked about them and im going to fucking lose my mind. But thats not even what im focused on right now.
I dont know if i can continue physical therapy. Because it is not guaranteed that i have food. And my parents say that money is tight. But my mother is constantly getting a bunch of stuff. And we have so much shit. And im- i camt handle all of this.
I cant ask for anything without being told that im asking for a lot. My mom ordered in dinner for me and my brother the other night bc she got a thing through work and i asked for what I know would be enough for me and I got told that thats too expensive. Which i understand. The cost of shit is fucking insane. But there is so much fucking focus on cost and portion size and “oh tjat costs too much” “oh youre asking for a lot” “dont forget that this is what a portion size” and even fucking talk of like calories and checking even though i ask for that to not happen.
People tell me to take some of their food because they have plenty and I get it but Im fucking terrified. My mom had locked up a shit ton of food when i was a kid including freezers. Which to this day still have the locks by them. And if im caught she wont hesitate to do it again. I cant go through that again.
I know I cant really get out. Im genuinely scared of my parents. I- cant. I cant get out. I cant leave stuff. Im terrified. Fuck i don’t remember ever not being scared of my mom in some capacity. And my dads way more passive but sometimes he yells and I just- cant do it. And i hate that what they do works. I get shoved into being this fucking doormat of a person.
Honestly I dont think I ever really got to be a person. I still dont super feel like one. I dont have complete control over myself. I dont feel like i have free will. Which sucks. I wanma be my own person. I wanna learn what itd feel like to be able to be myself for even a day. Im- just lost a lot of the time.
The only good thing I know for sure is coming out of this is that I know my depression medication works. Im pretty sure most of my issues with functioning are from malnutrition issues. And im def not suicidal or having thoughts of sh which is really nice!! Plus I know I have a very supportive group of friends online that I love very much
Wuheiwhe speaking of friends- angy about irl friend. He fucking- complained to me that he gets upset when i vent about shit at home cause hes gonna get kicked out when he turns 18. Which likw- i get it. The threat of being homeless is horrible. But if your thought process while you have fucking unwatched access to a credit card and can essentially have whatever the fuck you want while im saying i dont fucking have food at home is “well at least you have a home” IS FUCKING INSANE. Especially because you have already gathered almost $1000 in cash amd still have like 11 months to figure shit out. Your future situation sucks but that should not take away empathy for my current situation??? Where i am??? Not getting fed enough???
I understand that your homelife is shit and your family is fucked. However, you almost never get told no. Which is really fucking obvious!!! Because you wont take any of my nos for an answer!!! And tbh youre kinda financially abusive!!! I hear how you talk to your bf which is fucking insane and i hate it. And when you talk about how you pay for gas when im using my parents cars and they need to be filled and i say were driving around too much and using a lot of gas you go “well its my gas” No!! It isnt!! That is not how that works!! And just because you pay for the fucking gas WHEN YOU HAVE ME DRIVING FUCKING ALL OVER THE PLACE BECAUSE I LITERALLY CANNOT GWT YOU TO UNDERSTAND IM SAYING NO does not kean you pay for the rest of the fucking car!!! You also!! Make jokes about taking back gifts!! Because you paid for them!! Which is shitty as fuck!! And its not even your fucking koney its your grandmas money and you got fucking pissed and bitchy when Ive mentioned that when talking about it being different when one of our friends took advantage of us for money because you are just handed it and the stuff i had i workwd for, in a job that started the decline of my physical wellbeing. Its not the same fucking thing.
Im
Shaking. I want to scream. I cant. Handle everything. I dont want to have to be here and dealing with all of this.
And anothwr fucking tjing about ky friend- he gets pissy when me or his boyfriend accidentally leave garbage in his room. Which i get a little but then he doesnt take care of it either!! And then he has shit there all the time!! Including multiple unfinished starbucks drinks that have grown mold!!! Why do you keep getting the biggest fucking size when you know damn well you wont drink it.
And you keep fucking- i cant play therapist for you. You cannot constantly come crying to le about your bf and talking about how you should break up with him AND THEN GET KAD AT ME FOR SUGGESTING YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM
Im not- i cant. Im
Im violently angry. And i want to sleep. Amd i wamt to be able to have food. And i want my oarents to love me and understand me. Or even fucking- to try. At all. I want my physical wellbeing to matter. But it doesnt. In multiple different ways. And its all just so bad all the time and i try and tune it out but it slips through.
Im having trouble remember things. Its bad. Im- i cant use my brain as well as i know i should be able to. Im- idk. I just cant fucking deal with this. Except im still going to. Im complaining but theres mot kuch i can change.
I hate feeling like im breaking all the time. I want to be able to be loved and be a person and have a home!!! I have a roof over my head. And i appreciate that so much. But this is absolutely not a home. And its very much not welcoming for me. And I just- I perpetually have the feeling of “i want to go home” with no home to go to. And its been like that for most of my life. And I just- really want to have a home.
#vent#tw vent#this was originally about ky parents but it tirned into a generalized thing#ummm#tw disordered eating#tw eating issues#financial abuse#fuckinggg#emotional abuse#???#shit gets fucky idk#my brains not- doing well#also im actively running away from server friends in this post#i love you guys#just#being vulnerable is hard and i hold back as much as i can#when were on call or whatever#scared of complaining too much and pushing people away again#pls dont leave lol
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#AETIRNUM. a selective, private, low-activity multimuse featurng original characters, hoyoverse, reverse:1999 and etc. by saint. ( 21. they/vamp. ) no icon, minimal formatting, second-person prose. exploring the themes of love and its dangers, darkness of the human soul, lost of self, the importance of death and the like.
interaction.
i. i interact with all mutuals. i will post prompts, starter calls, etc etc if you wish to interact. i reply very slowly, as i run my own roleplay server and i have mental issues(tm) and can run out of battery. ooc wise, feel free to talk to me and whatnot! i can just be a bit slow, my apologies. you don't need to match my length: just put in the same effort as i do.
ii. i can write dark themes such as horror, gore, violence, cannibalism, toxic relationships etc. obvs i dont do taboo shit like incest, pedophilia, etc. go away. i don't mind shipping but prefer to do it with close friends. while i am fine with fade to black and suggestive themes i do not write smut with anyone other than my boyfriend. this is non-negotiable.
iii. i block who i want. i don't want prosh*ppers anywhere here. ideologies such as transmeds and being anti-self dx are also not welcome, esp if youre white youre very funny. idc about rp drama just dont be weird don't bring me into it and as long as you're not fucked up i gen dc. i won't always be here... i am a tired something-woman. please respect that.
other notes.
if i follow you, it means i want to interact with you, and i'd love to write with you! just please be patient with me. i study graphic design, but funnily enough im very tired of making tumblr gfx... not on anyone, just a preference! so i don't do heavy formatting or icons. if you write with me though, all i ask is to not make your text extremely small. i'm dyslexic, so it makes it very hard to read. thank you!
i write a lot of systems here, and i will mention if they ever switch, no worries. i am a system myself, so i really love them!
the writer.
hello! i am lucifer, or call me saint. i am a system host and multimedia student. i'm an artist and writer. i love slowpoke a lot. please show me slowpoke. i have been on the tumblr rpc for a loong time ( since i was... 12 at best... #veteran ) and i just recently came back, but only plan to do light activity. i'm 21 and i'm filipino. read more about me here! my discord tag is #loveits !
muses.
some of these don't have a link/carrd; it's a wip. edited from time to time... sawry.
high.
ayato. ⎯⎯⎯ genshin impact. 30. she/they. androsexual.
isolde. ⎯⎯⎯ reverse:1999. 29. she/her. lesbian, did system.
tartaglia. ⎯⎯⎯ genshin impact. she/he. 23. tmas butch lesbian.
diluc. ⎯⎯⎯ genshin impact. he/him. 25. tmasc butch lesbian.
ada mesmer. ⎯⎯⎯ identity v. 28. she/they. lesbian
secondary.
arcana. ⎯⎯⎯ reverse:1999. ???. she/it. lesbian.
mahiru. ⎯⎯⎯ milgram. 23. she/they. bisexual.
johann. ⎯⎯⎯ eternal return. 28. he/him. butch.
lumine. ⎯⎯⎯ genshin impact. ageless. she/he/they. bisexual.
vertin. ⎯⎯⎯ reverse:1999. 16. he/they. lesbian.
sonetto. ⎯⎯⎯ reverse:1999. 16. he/they. lesbian.
ena shinonome. ⎯⎯⎯ project sekai. 18. she/he. lesbian.
kevin kaslana. ⎯⎯⎯ honkai impact 3rd. ???. he/she. thing.
kafka. ⎯⎯⎯ honkai:star rail. 28. she/her. bisexual.
kaalaa baunaa. ⎯⎯⎯ reverse:1999. 28. she/her. heterosexual.
kujou sara. ⎯⎯⎯ genshin impact. he/she. 25. bisexual transmasc.
otto apocalypse. ⎯⎯⎯ honkai impact 3rd. she/they. nonbinary. hysteria. aromantic: saviorsexual.
tertiary.
blade. ⎯⎯⎯ honkai:star rail. ??. he/she. transmasc lesbian.
emil. ⎯⎯⎯ identity v. 25. she/he. transfem lesbian.
tooth fairy. ⎯⎯⎯ reverse:1999. 25. she/her. lesbian.
saeran choi. ⎯⎯⎯ mystic messenger. 21. he/they. transmasc. did system.
original.
shaira tiriza. ⎯⎯⎯ 28. she/they. did system.
fides. ⎯⎯⎯ ageless; billion. she/he. star.
amon. ⎯⎯⎯ ageless; 21 billion. she/he/they/it. star.
fallere.⎯⎯⎯ ageless; 21 billion. she/they. star.
celeste.⎯⎯⎯ ageless; older than us. she/her. the concept of ‘devotion’
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what if a man experienced symptoms
ill begin with some of what i talked about most recently. of course, some things are missing.
the more minor one out of what i talked about recently can go first. basically, in 7th(?) grade, i felt like the walls were sort of. closing in on me? it happened a few times.
in grade 8, i felt like my vision was zooming into my bedroom walls, so far in i could see something i could not see normally. it was square camera lenses covering the walls, and i saw the reflections of the people watching me. i somehow knew they were pedophiles.
ever since at least grade 9, i feel like i can't think. the intensity fluctuates. the reason i feel so is because i get the feeling that whatever i think will be posted on my tumblr and the discord servers im most active on
around at least grade 10, i didnt like people touching me or my plush i brought with me, as i felt they would somehow sneak a hidden camera on that would also allow them to read my thoughts. at least a year before this, i felt anxious about new clothes, as i felt they had a mind reading technology embedded in the collar of the shirt.
also, when i first got the cats, i was anxious as i thought their old owners put cameras in their eyes and was watching me.
i slowly got over the being watched thing, since i said to myself, "surely such small devices cant exist", until i watched a youtube video. that discussed cameras so small they needed an expert and/or special devices to find. that was the end of getting over it.
i get worried about displeasing the people i have. so, for them, im basically in a state where i accept almost anything that impacts me. i dont confront them about things and can keep myself hidden because thats the surest way to keep their thoughts where i want them to be. its also the main reason why the "thought be broadcasted" thing is so upsetting to me (when you ignore the fact its a violation of basic privacy). im worried theyll see a thought, go "oh, cringe", and leave me. i rarely confront people, and if i do, ignore it and stay away from everything else for so long because id rather be in a state where i dont know their thoughts and cant have any freedom or peace of mind due to it instead of have freedom but be faced with the knowledge they might of become upset with me. i am not a man who was meant to live to 17.
people also not understanding what i have to say seems to activate a similar part of my brain. because being asked for clarification means they hate me or are mocking me. i guess.
also. i am/was a little bit strange? but i dont know how strange in regards to the average person in the age group i was in. was i strange or just a normal middle schooler? in grade 7 or 8, i came across a dead squirrel. or something. on the playground. i wanted a picture but wasnt allowed. i got my friends, formed a circle around it, spun, jokingly called it a big mac and talked about eating it. in. in um. grade 9? 10? in winter, i came across another dead animal. i went to someone i didnt really like, and said they should run from quebec to where i am, and we will eat the animal together romantically. this year, i told my mom a toy mouse was a real one because it would be scary to her and the funnyness was a lot. i dont like dumbing things down and can get ??? at people being upset about that. i told my mom "yeah, milo probably ate the mouse" a year or two ago when she recalled a mouse that was brought in but disappeared, and didnt understand why she didnt like me talking about it. like come on.
my classification of emotions can be strange. i think most people classify based on intensity? my classification generally consists on what i want done about it. (anxious = i can handle this on my own, maybe some support will be nice. scared = i cant do this. please help me or do it for me. do not leave me.) it is why love doesnt really exist as an emotion to me, i think. theres already like, devotion, etc.
id talk about my ex-fp but it might be due for another post. two or so years after she avandoned me, i decided to restrict my eating because maybe thats why she didnt like me, since i remembered she always left a little after i announced i was making food or had some to eat. but i didnt succeed because i lack self control. i guess its a little traumatic. theres also more non-ex-fp related things i think. i want to steal just because im almost always bored and such and i want to attack but i dont want to go to jail. when my brother stole from us i fantasized about bringing him to some abandoned thing, cutting him up, and disolving him in bleach. im not sure if i like any of my hobbies.
youve made it this far wow. my kitty cat milo he turns 4 in summer
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c!niki and c!wilbur enjoyers. pspspspspspsps
alright guys so last night i rewatched pretty much all of the pogtopia arc. and this isn’t meant to be a big, important analysis post (it’s kind of incomprehensible), because my brain is fried from, you know. rewatching pretty much all of pogtopia. but i do have some stuff i’d like to say.
(this also just became a niki meta sorry i love her. i really just got emo about her during the second half of this and it got long. i have a lot of feelings about her and wilbur’s friendship.)
it’s a pretty general conclusion that wilbur’s real “downfall” began on october 8th, during the stream “who are you go away”. of course, his spiral and the process of him losing faith had begun much earlier, more around the end of the first war or during the election. but the big switch, so to say, was definitely here, when as wilbur walks back from schlatt’s announcement, he asks tommy if they’re the bad guys.
this entire scene was so interesting to me. wilbur here is a man who has lost hope, someone who is backed into a corner morally and has nothing left. he points out that they can never really reclaim l’manburg without forever tainting it, and that schlatt knows this. the entire half an hour or so before, schlatt has been taunting wilbur about losing that power. the emphasis of the festival on “democracy” is so clearly a barb thrown at wilbur, and it works.
wilbur’s “nothing left to lose” in this vod is a mirror to niki’s “you know what they say about a woman who has nothing left to lose”. this will not be the first time they mirror each other.
basically, wilbur’s angry. when schlatt announced the festival, wilbur realized that maybe it wasn’t a terrible thing. so once he worked around into the mindset of “we’re the bad guys”, he was able to justify saying he was going to blow up the nation with no remorse. he wants chaos! he wants no survivors!
does he do it? god no.
during the streams leading up to november 16th, wilbur is consistently scared. he goes back and forth on it, and makes multiple “conditions” that determine whether he’s going to do it or not, almost begging someone to stop him. he whispers to himself that he’s scared, that his hands are shaking, that he’s not sure if it’s the right thing to do. because despite what he says about “not caring about any of them”, the instant niki is threatened after tubbo’s death, wilbur walks up to schlatt and tells him that if he’s going to kill anyone it should be him. later, when quackity and tommy talk him down from pressing the button, he can’t press it because they’re there and he can’t bring himself to kill them as well.
but he has no problems with putting his own life at risk. he refuses to wear armor half the time, and actively places himself in harm’s way to save others. he still cares about everyone else, as much as he says he doesn’t. even when he does cause harm to others, during november 16th, he immediately begs phil to kill him. “look, they all want you to.” he can’t live with what he’s done, and how he’s hurt people, but he couldn’t allow manburg to continue.
the man is terrified and angry and he can’t win. and even as he tries to stuff himself into the mind of someone who doesn’t care, he cannot. when he finally does, he cannot live with being that person.
but the reason i rewatched this arc was to see niki’s point of view, especially after her statements during her last stream. i genuinely think that wilbur’s only betrayal of her was pressing the button, because he betrayed everyone. they might have known he was going to do it, but they had faith he wouldn’t.
wilbur cared a lot about niki. her life under schlatt was awful, wilbur hated that she was suffering, and the scene where wilbur plants himself directly in the center of the festival and tells schlatt to kill him instead hits pretty hard. he has the argument with schlatt, and then turns to niki and tells her to run. he then hits people and sprints away, trying to give her time to escape.
this is also when he asks her to join pogtopia, because now that schlatt has said he’d kill her, it’s a safer place for her.
so the man did care about her. niki is angry at the memory of him that she has. it’s been twisted by time and her own grief and paranoia.
in rewatching pogtopia, i realized that a lot of people hate the memory of wilbur. not him, and what he did. they think he didn’t care. and to quote hamilton (apologies):
“history obliteratesit paints me in all my mistakes”
does niki have a right to be mad at him? absolutely. he caused direct harm to her by blowing up l’manburg, once it was reclaimed. but she’s wrong that he never cared.
(an interesting note: wilbur only blows it up after techno starts fighting people outside. he hears it, and says “look, they’re fighting”. he didn’t re-initiate the conflict of the country. the fact that even after peace was won people were fighting just gave evidence to his belief that the entire country was corrupted.)
niki has been hurt a lot, and wilbur has things to answer for. but we as the audience know that her statements are just her perception. she is a character who acts on perceptions. the entire stream was in black and white. during doomsday, upon seeing wilbur log on (as ghostbur), niki has a panic attack and destroys her bakery, trying to rid herself of the pain of the memories. her lines during this stream are chilling, whispered repetitions that are a mirror of wilbur’s end.
(paraphrased, it was long and confusing but there are a few bits and this was the essence of it)
“wilbur is gone. this isn’t happening. he is dead. l’manburg is gone.”“it is real, i am real, he is real and he is dead.”“l’manburg is gone, i am real, i am l’manburg”.
(god. dude i could spend Months analyzing this one stream alone. there’s so much here.)
doesn’t that sound a bit like “my unfinished symphony”? wilbur and niki both attach their own self to the nation they fought for, and can see it as an extension of themself. they both destroy parts of it in acts of fear, attempting to save everyone else from what they’ve made.
what i pulled away from niki’s stream is that she’s not healing. i remember the chamber she locks herself in at night. i remember her refusal to eat. i remember how she was so angry at tommy, and she later realized that anger was misguided. niki genuinely believes that wilbur did not care about her, and that’s not surprising: when he died, she denied the fact that he was gone. she represses the things that she can’t handle, same as lots of other people. it is easier for her to pin her hurt on wilbur, because she needs somewhere to pin it. people feel more in control if they’re angry, not sad.
the song cc!niki said was for her character really emphasizes this. it’s a coping mechanism.
but even condemning wilbur won’t help, because she will still never get closure. niki cares about what others think of her, and so she can’t move on from someone hurting her. she can’t move on because she thinks he hated her. she is angry that he is back, but it is an opportunity for her to heal. she couldn’t heal when he was gone. she’s not the only one with a negative perception of wilbur, after all. he has one too. the two of them really need to talk.
i want niki to be healthy and safe. i want to see her heal so badly, and i do think it will happen. after wilbur died, his betrayal of her stayed with her, and it eventually became her memory of the betrayal that she hated, not the thing itself. it’s been months since it happened. niki wants to find an outlet for her hurt, because she wants to feel better. there’s a pattern i noticed: she only gets mad at people once she hasn’t seen the person themself for a while. and once she sees them and talks to them, and realizes that they care about her and don’t want to hurt her, she stops blaming them for it. she only hates her perception of them. example one? tommy.
man was in exile for a long time, and when he came back he “brought” fighting. that’s how niki saw it. but the fact that after she spent time with tommy (trying to kill him but. details, details) she forgave him because she saw it wasn’t his fault is a really good sign.
i genuinely think that speaking to wilbur will help niki, and it will also help wilbur. after all, they both hate wilbur. the entire perception of wilbur as some heartless, crazy manipulator needs to be shattered for both of their sakes. they both buy into it.
i want niki to know that others care about her, and that she has places she can feel safe. she hates that wilbur is invading the syndicate, because she’s scared of his memory hurting her. i don’t think wilbur will hurt her on purpose, because even though he sees himself as awful, he doesn’t hate her. he never did.
usually, with people who have hurt someone else, i want them as far away from the person they hurt as possible. if wilbur does hurt niki i’ll probably cry. but again, it’s not him that hated her, or really him that hurt her in the way she thinks he did. when wilbur was dead, niki didn’t get any better. her memory of him festered and made her feel worse. that’s also why niki killing wilbur or hurting him somehow wouldn’t help her heal. i want wilbur to explain that he didn’t hate her. is wilbur even close to self aware enough to help niki? nah. this is going to take a Long time, and it’s going to hurt.
last thing i swear lol
during niki’s stream, she says that wilbur manipulated her. again, i watched pogtopia last night, and i’ve watched the rest of season one recently as well. i genuinely don’t see it. but i do think i know why she said it.
during season one, wilbur doesn’t manipulate niki. he doesn’t have a chance to later, he’s dead. so then, what is she talking about? of course it’s a perception, same as a lot of her other claims. i think she’s talking about how she cared for l’manburg.
niki joined the server as wilbur’s friend, to join his nation. she grew to care for l’manburg. she devoted herself to it, same as he did. but doomsday showed us that she hates that. in niki’s eyes, l’manburg only brought pain for people, and because she ties herself to it, she hates that she ever cared about it. she can’t allow herself to care for it, because it was used to hurt. so how does she cope with knowing that she once did? she pretends she didn’t.
if she can convince herself that it was wilbur who convinced her to care about l’manburg, she can avoid blaming herself for her own pain. and yeah, she shouldn’t blame herself for it. it’s not her fault. the entire situation is tragic and a little hopeless and once again really makes me hope that she recovers. l’manburg was ruined for her by others. schlatt, techno, dream, wilbur. again another place where she and wilbur are similar: they convince themselves they never cared about l’manburg because of the hurt it caused.
to summarize: wilbur’s going to get a shock soon. don’t know when, but probably the prison visit. something is going to shake his perception, the story is hurtling towards that. once he is able to take responsibility for what he did, and feel safe (because a lot of what he does now is out of fear of being alone or useless), then he and niki need to talk. niki needs something to get her out of her own head. she’s spiraling too. they are essential to each other’s recovery because of how much they meant (and mean) to each other.
anyways i miss early season one niki i liked it when she was happy :(
~ Lad 2
#wilbur#c!wilbur#niki#c!niki#dreamsmp#dsmp#mcyt#rp#long post#dreamsmp analysis#dsmp analysis#revivedbur#pogtopia#lad speaks
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Dream tried to stop Wil from creating L'Manburg, Phil tried to stop him from blowing it up, BOTH value people over items and builds, Phil has said that they're replaceable but people aren't, Dream traded spirit for his best friends fishes (we kno he's not someone to talk abt feelings:[) BOTH were kind and selfless but used by almost if not everyone, BOTH were ready to be THE VILLAINS if it meant everyone else could live better after. ONE of them always had someone there, ONE didn't. Intentional?
aaaa sorry for the really inconsistent posts ,, im gonna try to post a little more in the next few days. i have a few things written up, so look out for them? maybe? for now, have this *gestures vaguely* thing ,, it’s kinda a mess but *shrug*
phil is such a fun character, anon, especially for all the reasons that you mentioned in the ask!! he’s a really fun character with a lot of complexities that go (sadly) overlooked by a large portion of the fandom, but he’s super cool even tho i havent analyzed him too much. hope you enjoy (and i hope my interpretation of c!phil isnt too ooc lmao)
tw: mentioned blood, injury, implied torture/abuse, starvation, trauma, mentioned death, prison arc/pandora’s vault
When Techno first brings Dream back from the prison, Phil doesn’t quite know what to think.
“I don’t trust him either,” Techno assures him, but there’s a flickering anger in the backs of his eyes, one that had emerged ever since he came back from the prison with the other man in his arms, and Phil knows his friend well enough to know that the words are empty in the face of the piglin hybrid’s particular brand of to-the-death loyalty. He shakes his head in reply, refusing to voice his thoughts for Techno’s sake, at least, but the look that the other slants at him suggests that he’s caught onto them all the same.
At first, the work is thankfully mindless; even if Phil has reservations on the man that Techno has more or less dumped into his house, he would hardly wish the clear suffering he’s been through on anyone. The first few days pass in a flurry of brewing potions, wrapping and rewrapping dressings, stitching up cuts and setting broken bones straight. The damage is extensive; Phil has to take more than a few breaks to just leave the house and breathe - he’s far from a stranger to blood and carnage, had received the title of ‘Angel of Death’ for a reason, but even he had never been particularly familiar with this form of cruelty. Torture was a level of violence that extended beyond what even he was willing to bestow - his hands may have caused many deaths, and the weight of each one would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life, but even those had the mercy of being a quick end. The wounds and scars that ripple over Dream’s skin, thin and stretched tightly over his bones with little muscle and fat left to cushion them, speak of horrors that were anything but merciful.
“I didn’t know they were capable of all of this,” Techno says, once, as they huddle of Dream, wringing towels in cold water to wipe his feverish skin. Techno’s hand reaches for the ribboning gold-filled scars that remain from the execution - carefully, Phil raises his hand to let his fingertips brush over them as well. “I mean, I knew he was dangerous and all, but-”
“I know, mate,” Phil looks back at Dream’s face, tight even in unconsciousness, at the darkened, hand-shaped bruises that remain around his throat, at the scar that runs over his left eye, clearly meant to mirror the same one that makes its way down the duck hybrid’s own face. “You said that Quackity and Sam were working together?”
“Yeah,” Techno’s expression darkens, eyes focused somewhere on the wall, seemingly very far away. He said that nothing happened to him in the prison, and he seemed relatively unharmed when Phil activated the stasis chamber, but ever since he came back, sometimes he’ll have moments, and Phil can’t help but - wonder. “Quackity does the dirty work, Sam gives him the way in and out, probably also the tools to do it. It’s-” he huffs a short, self-recriminating laugh. “It’s bad, Phil.”
“Mate-”
Techno shoots him a look, and Phil cringes, knowing already that he’d used the wrong tone. Even with the execution, Techno had been adamant to hide all traces of his own terror and fear away from him, masking it all with fury for Phil’s own sake. He knows, just from the way his old friend looks at the ribboning scars that remain sometimes, that he is far from as over the whole ordeal as he acts, but Techno never wants to talk and Phil never knows the right time to ask and they smooth it all behind plans and explosions and hope that the TNT can blow apart the trauma, too. He’s got a sneaking suspicion that the same thing is going to happen, here.
“As soon as we can,” Techno starts again, pointedly shifting his eyes away from Phil’s face, “we’re calling a Syndicate meeting to figure out what we’re going to do about the prison. Like- come on, man, you couldn’t make a more transparent abuse of institutional power if you tried, really-” he looks over, uncharacteristic uncertainty warring over his features. “If you think that’s good, I mean-“
“Of course, mate.” Phil’s voice softens. “Whenever you’re ready.”
‘Whenever he’s ready,’ as it turns out, is easier said than done, becoming even more evident when their charge wakes up from his days long spell of unconsciousness. The worst of his injuries have, under their careful care and the benefit of many potions, healed enough to no longer directly threaten his life, but the vast majority have quite some time to go before being healed completely. Being as the goal was torture and not death, most of his injuries weren’t made to be life-threatening, but rather to cause as much pain as possible - from the grimace that twists Dream’s face when he struggles to force himself awake, they’re doing their jobs.
“Hey, mate, slow down,” Phil murmurs, pressing the man down by his shoulder when Dream weakly tries to push himself up and off the bed, and his struggling only lasts for a few more minutes before he gives up and slumps against his pillow, eyes cracking open and seeming surprisingly lucid.
“Where-“ his voice is wrecked, and Phil reaches for the glass of water at the bedside as Dream coughs. “Where am I?”
“You’re at Techno’s house,” Dream’s eyes widen and then slip closed as he processes the information, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows as they knit together. “We broke you out, after Techno escaped with a stasis chamber with your book. Do you remember?”
Dream gnaws on his bottom lip. “Um- yeah. I think.” His head turns as his eyes crack open again- “Techno-“
“He’s out, right now. He’ll be back in a bit.”
“Oh.” Dream falls back into the bed, strength seemingly sapped from the short conversation. His breathing stutters, then steadies. “Okay.”
Recovery is slow. Phil doesn’t actually find himself seeing the man very often; now that he doesn’t need around-the-clock care anymore, he’s moved back into his own house, letting Techno do most of the work when it comes to rehabilitating the escaped convict crashing at his house. As he begins to spend more of his time awake and aware, he brings a whole slew of new problems; Phil catches him screaming one day, blurting harsh, angry words as Techno reads, unbothered from the other side of the room, and he stops in his tracks standing awkwardly in the doorway.
“Um-“ he winces when Dream curses, smashes something against the floor, and then curls into himself at the sound. Techno doesn’t even flinch. “Am I interrupting something?”
Dream stomps away, face flushed, arms wrapped around himself. Techno raises an eyebrow.
“You lookin’ for something, Phil?” he asks, and the unpleasant knot in Phil’s chest refuses to unwind.
The episodes, unfortunately, don’t seem to get much better. Though he’s rarely outright violent, Dream looks constantly murderous, usually muttering underneath his breath about something or another while he stalks the grounds of Techno’s house. It’s not too long before Techno sends him out to work around the house instead of just moping within the cottage, which also means that Phil sees him a lot more - tending to a small farm behind the house, feeding the dogs, hacking away at mobs, and usually complaining the entire time. It’s unnerving, even as injured and unarmored as the man is, to see him walking around like this; despite his rather pathetic appearance, swamped in sweaters that dwarf him thoroughly and thin enough to look like the slightest breeze will knock him over, his eyes are flinty and intelligent and bubble with promises of revenge.
“FUCK!” Phil turns to see him slamming a shovel into the snow, stomping away into the woods, and his hands tighten around his cup of tea. Next to him, Techno shrugs.
“Nerd’s got a few issues,” he drawls, and Phil laughs shortly.
“That seems like an understatement.”
“He’ll ease up in time,” Techno sounds surprisingly confident, completely content despite the muffled curses that come from the woods next to them. He’s probably used to it, with Chat and all, but Phil can’t quite seem to find the same calm.
“I just don’t know, mate,” Phil shakes his head. “You sure having him around is the best idea? He doesn’t seem...stable.”
Techno looks up at him over the rim of his cup of coffee. His head tilts, considering, but there’s a small smile on his face that tells Phil that Techno, inexplicably, doesn’t share the same sentiments. There was always a part of him that was, for the lack of a better word, softer than the rest of the server for his self-proclaimed rival, a sort of understanding that Phil could hardly hope (nor would really want to) understand.
“Don’t worry, Phil, if he tries anything I can always just tie him up in the attic or something,” Phil huffs a small laugh, amused, and nods to concede the point. “And- well, call it intuition. You could really try talkin’ to him, you know. He reminds me of you, sometimes.”
The words stick in his head despite his best efforts, rattling in his skull when he tries to sleep, lingering when he catches glimpses of the green-clothed man stalking around their properties. He can’t imagine what would’ve prompted his old friend to make the comparison, can’t think of a single thing (besides their affinity for the color green) that would mark him as similar to the - from what he’s heard - deranged menace with a particular penchant for destruction (not that his rants and fits of anger are doing anything to correct that impression). Even so, Techno had sounded so sure when he’d made the comparison, the words offhand like he’d thought them a million times before, like it was a simple observation that held no more weight than commenting on the color of the sky. Phil watches as Dream lugs a pile of logs behind him, huffing at one of Techno’s dogs that comes to chase and nip at his feet and grumbling loudly before faceplanting into the snow. He just...can’t see it.
Days later, Wilbur comes to visit, a grin on his lips as he dramatically recounts his newest exploit: a nation by Las Nevadas, a supposed safe haven away from the glitter and glory of Quackity’s city; it sounds brilliant, it sounds lovely, and more than anything it sounds stupid, and Phil tells him as such immediately.
“You’re being reckless,” he rants at his son, wings flaring outwards and only barely noticing Dream watching from the corner of his eye, “What are you doing- picking fights with Quackity? Starting another nation- didn’t you see what happened to the first two you made? You’re going to get yourself killed, Wil!”
“Well, I’ve already seen what’s on the other side of death, and it’s really not that bad-“
“You’re my son!” The words are angrier than Phil would’ve liked, and he knows that he looks ridiculous and overbearing, criticizing the actions of his fully grown son, but all he can see is Wilbur’s face, slack with pain and grief, stained with ash and soot as his eyes flutter to half-mast in the midst of the rubble of a country he loved and destroyed and destroyed him in turn. “I can’t lose you again, Wil!”
Wilbur doesn’t quite storm out, but it’s a near thing, leaving with a clipped goodbye and leaving Phil seething on his doorstep. He spends the rest of the night pacing around the house in a sort of mad frenzy, wings stretching and folding over and over. Not for the first time, he longs for the sky, to feel the air through his wings and let the world fall into pinpricks below him; it’s this that leads him to the roof of his house, staring stubbornly at the clouds as the sun sinks down to the horizon.
“Hey.”
Phil startles; there, down below him, is Dream. He rocks back on his heels, seeming awkward, before clambering up the wall (Phil rolls his eyes at the ease with which he scales it, the feeling in his chest almost fond) and settling himself on the shingles at Phil’s side.
“Hey, mate,” Phil shakes his head. The fondness leaves, and the irritation that had risen at Wilbur’s words, earlier, comes back full-force. “Sorry- Wil came to visit, we talked. I just needed some time to think.”
Dream hums in acknowledgement, and they fall into a comfortable silence, watching as the sun dipping down past the mountains in the distance.
“You know,” Dream starts, sudden, “I told him the same thing.” He looks up at Phil, eyes faraway with old memories. “Wilbur, I mean. When he made L’manburg- I told him he was being reckless.” He shrugs. “I guess he never listened.”
Phil pauses, Techno’s words ringing in his ears. He reminds me of you, sometimes.
Dream looks surprisingly normal up close - face no longer reddened with fever or pale from blood loss, even the scars fail to really take from the boyishness of his face. He bites his lips, eyes falling away at Phil’s scrutiny, golden blond hair flopping over his forehead, newly trimmed to be something a little closer to his old length, at least in the front, the back pulled into a small ponytail. He’s young, and shockingly awkward, teeth worrying his lip, hands fiddling with each other, shifting his weight from one foot to the other several times a minute. He looks like a kid.
“He never does,” Phil lets himself smile, watches as Dream smiles back, almost like they’re sharing a joke. He wonders how well he really knows the man behind the mask. “Want to come in for some tea?”
Dream smiles wider, and something old and worn in Phils chest, knocked loose ever since he felt his son fall limp in his arms with his own sword shoved between his ribs, falls back into place.
“That would be great,” Dream replies, the words almost hopeful, and they go inside.
#tw trauma#tw death#tw blood#tw injury#tw torture#tw abuse#tw starvation#prison arc#pandora's vault#-> my writing#my writing :D#my asks !!#-> my asks
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thanks for the tag @emilykenobi !! 💗💗
1. Why did you choose your url?
ok there’s actually a long running inside joke about it but basically it comes down to I was assigned Anakin Fruit by a uquiz and then shenanigans occurred and i changed all my discord names to Anakin/Vader fruit and then ti continue one the trend i changed my tumblr url to match
2. Any side blogs?
yea i don’t use any of them anymore though so I’m not going to plug them. but i do have a separate art account @nooodledoodles if you’d like to follow that :D
3. How long have you been on tumblr?
too long. idk since i was 13 or 14 and im 21 now, so do the math? what is that like 7-8 years
4. Do you have a queue tag?
nope, i can’t be bothered to queue anything thats just extra steps, we reblog in spurts like men here
5. Why did you start your blog?
i wanted to look at homestuck fan art
6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?
because @dilfdarthvader originally had a bi leia one and i wanted a bi anakin one so she made one and it’s beautiful
7. Why did you choose your header?
I wanted to convert my blog fully into star wars and I needed a header to match the theme so chose this one if anakin and ahsoka because i love them. I don’t remember who made it off the top of my head but i reblogged the post i got it from so it can be searched up
8. What post of yours has the most notes?
i believe its a photoset of how attractive the Carolina hurricanes roster was a couple of years ago?? or a Carter Hart gif from world juniors im not quite sure. I know something broke a thousand notes though
9. How many mutuals do you have?
bruh i dont even know who follows me and who i also follow but i know i can say for certain i have at least 50, it’s definitely more but theres probably only about 50 id recognize right away? maybe? i dont knowww i only talk to a select few and the m.a.d. server
10. How many followers do you have?
1,135, don’t ask my why or how, theyre just there i dont even know how many are active
11. How many blogs do you follow?
1798, i’m just follow happy
12. Have you ever made a shit post?
oooh yea, i dont think theyve ever gotten any traction tho
13. How often do use Tumblr a day?
*nervous chuckling* i’m like chronically online, according to my screen time its around 2-2.5 hrs per day, which honestly i was expecting higher
14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?
i don’t think so, not that i can recall
15. How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog’ posts?
fuck em, i see em and aggressively scroll past i don’t need to be guilt tripped when im trying to zone out from the world thank you very much
16. Do you like tag games?
yeeee please tag me in things 🥺
17. Do you like ask games?
also ye, send me things!!
18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?
oh a good deal of my star wars mutuals i think, maybe? i’m really not good at judging popularity
19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?
nah, they’re just my pocket phone friends
i tag: @dilfdarthvader @moodysgirlsblog @cloudsofheaven @itsjml @aghsoka @shipaycon @quirkofthewild
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Hey, lovelies. We wanted to make this admin note to let everyone know that we will be disabling the OOC discord server until Wednesday, October 7th. In the meantime, you are welcome to make occasional OOC posts using the hashtag #luxorooc to give group updates. We are going to ask that everyone please read this post thoroughly, as there are a lot of important things we want everyone to know.
To Start...
We have been running this RP for nearly 16 months and much like we said in our 1 year anniversary post, we are so grateful and excited to have had so many of you with us for so long. I have always taken an interest in groups with dynamic plots that actually progress as a real storyline and because of this, I have always felt so passionate about creating a fun space for everyone that has exciting plot drops, secret reveals and general plot progressions for you all to write and develop your characters within.
With that being said, within the past couple months, we have felt that there has been a shift in energy among the OOC interactions that we want to address. Please send an IM to the main saying, “completed ‘to start’” once you have completed this section.
Our Intention
We want this to be a safe space. We want everyone here to enjoy each other, each others characters, and we want everyone to feel involved and welcome. It is our responsibility to keep this group welcoming and safe. When issues are brought to us (off anon), it is up to us to resolve them and make sure that we can move forward better and happier than before. Please send an IM to the main saying, “understand your intention” once you have completed this section.
Help Us Help You
At the same time, it is also up to our members (you guys) to make sure to let us know when you are unhappy with something so that we can try our best to get to the bottom of the issue and resolve it. When something is upsetting you, and it is causing you to feel negatively toward the RP or other members in the group, it is also upsetting to us. I, personally, take on way too much responsibility. I’m aware of this, and I’m trying to get better with that but what I don’t think will change is my desire to fix issues that arise.
If something is bothering you and you think it is going to effect the way you feel coming onto the dash every day or effect the way you treat other members, PLEASE bring it to us.
I feel so restless when I get hearsay messages from members about other people feeling uncomfortable but not wanting to tell us about it directly. I want to make sure every single one of you is happy and that you’re enjoying your time here. As a friend, I understand wanting to bring your friend’s concern to us but if they feel uncomfortable with us knowing, then there is nothing we can do. When something is brought to us (off anon), it is up to us to talk it out with everyone involved and make sure we’re all on the same page and can move on happily, but if we do not know about the issue or if we are being told through someone else as a result of the person involved not wanting to “make a thing out of it,” there is nothing we can do to fix that problem.
With that being said, you are more than welcome to keep your discomfort to yourself. What is your business is your business, but if you are deciding not to address and resolve something, you are also deciding that regardless of how it affects you moving forward, you will continue to act respectfully toward other members, as stated by our rules. Please send an IM to the main saying, “done ‘help us help you’” once you have completed this section.
The reason we are making this post
Within the past couple months, we think there has been a lack of respect amongst the members within this group, and it has been very upsetting to see unfold.
In order for this group to survive, in order for new members to feel welcome, older members to feel wanted and appreciated and for everyone to have a good time, we need everyone in this group to not only respect other's feelings, but also other's freedoms to express their opinions. We need everyone to remember that tone can be carried through text, and can sometimes be misunderstood, so please be cautious with your words, and please be slow to assume or find offense in things being said, as it isn’t always someone’s intention to upset others. 50% of online messages are misinterpreted [1][2][3]. And it’s important that if a message rubs you the wrong way or if something comes off as harsh to remember that it may not be meant in the way you are reading it.
Where I work, our management team has a system which is meant to create more understanding, safety, respect and encouragement among the employees. That system is the assumption that everyone who comes to work is trying their best and that everyone at work means well. So, when something arises, (not doing their job thoroughly, an argument arising between staff members, etc.) our managers assume that there might be something upsetting that staff member and extend empathy to them. They make sure that they’re okay, if they need time to step away, they ask what they, as management, can do to help them do their job, and most importantly, provide enough empathy to understand that these issues may very well have come up because there is something wrong that they are unaware of. I want everyone here to consider this with other members.
It isn’t anyone’s responsibility to uphold anyone else’s emotional, mental or physical wellbeing, other than their own, but it is everyone’s responsibility to extend empathy to one another and see everyone as a human being.
It’s dangerously easy to forget, when we’re upset with something, that the people behind the screens aren’t monsters, but multi-dimensional people. Please, please remember that.
With that being said, of course, this isn’t an excuse to fly under the radar, say whatever you want, however you want and expect that everyone just assume the best of you.
It goes without saying that everyone is dealing with something. Things are especially stressful this year. Please remember that when speaking with one another. You truly have no idea how your words can effect someone.
RP is a means to escape our lives for a bit, to take a break from stress, a means to a creative outlet, and to find a way to be happy and have fun for a little while. It’s beautiful that every single one of you have chosen this group and have stayed with us for so long. We are all working together to create interesting and fun storylines with our characters, and we are all a part of each other’s escape. There is a reason each of us chose this group and are here together. Let’s ensure that we keep each other’s escape as easy as it should be, and extend that same empathy and respect back to each other, so that others can keep our escape easy as well. Please send an IM to the main saying, “I’ve read the ‘reason’” once you have completed this section.
The Admins
We also want to ask that when bringing issues up with the admin team, to please be respectful and patient with us. We all have family/friends, work and personal endeavors we have outside of this RP. Nora, Yo and I have made this RP a priority for over a year. That means that through all of the real life events that we have faced within the last 16 months, this RP has been in our mind and near the top of our to-do list. We have always tried our absolute best to meet event deadlines, quickly write up plot drops, working through our own stress from real life, and actively work together as a team to keep this RP thriving even at times when we don’t agree.
This is something that we decide to do. And with that comes the responsibility of having to resolve any issues that arise. For me, it is so important for people to have that space. It matters so much to me. But I will not deny that it is hard, and it does take a toll on each of us at times when our real lives are also hard, so please remember that yes, we are responsible for the group, but we are also people and sometimes we are going to need more time to resolve the issues that arise. Please send an IM to the main saying, “we see the admins’” once you have completed this section.
The Rules
The rules we have chosen for this group are ones we believe need to be maintained in order for the group’s long-lasting success.
We have recently added the rule that if you are uncomfortable with another member, to bring it to the admins to resolve it, as opposed to bringing it directly to that member. We implemented this rule in the hopes that if tension arises, the admins can act as a buffer to the tension, to prevent it from getting any worse. When we hear that matters are being handled between members without mention of the concerns with us, it brings us a lot of stress, worrying that the issue will escalate (as we have, of course, seen this happen far too many times).
Our intention in talking things out is to nip the problem in the bud right away and prevent it from progressing any further, and to hopefully make amends between people. We aren’t going to ask that you be friends with every other member, but everyone here is a mature adult and we expect that if you disagree with each other, that it can be overlooked for the sake of us, the admins, and for the sake of the group. Please send an IM to the main saying, “completed ‘the rules’” once you have completed this section.
If Any Tension or Concerns Arise
If you have any issues with other members, and think it will cause you to treat them poorly or be disgruntled coming onto the dash every day, we are going to ask that you bring it to us (off anon) so we can resolve it and bring us back to the safe RP we know and love. Please send an IM to the main saying, “I will do that if tension arises” once you have completed this section.
Going Forward
From now on, if OOC drama arises; if there is a general disrespect toward us or other members, we will no longer be lenient about this. We have given warnings for strikes before but from now on, we will be giving out strikes right away. Everyone is aware of the OOC rules. If you’re feeling frustrated, and feel the need to say something as a result of those feelings of frustration, and if those words would bring you some sort of relief from that frustration, we encourage you not to say them, especially directly to the people involved. Journal about it.
If any OOC tension exists between you or another member that you have decided can never be resolved, that tension is to always be left at the door. It has no place in this group. Please send an IM to the main saying, “ready to go forward” once you have completed this section.
With all of this being said
For the next week, we are going to remove the group chat feature in hopes of everyone taking a deep breath and remembering the fun aspects and other benefits that come with a group chat.
In the meantime, we want everyone to remember that inclusivity is a rule in this group. Please remember to plot with other people, welcome every new member that we get (message them directly, offer to plot with them).
When the group chat re-opens, we hope that we will be rejuvenated and feel relief in the new beginning.
Please remember that if you want this group to last, we have to maintain its foundation, which is the safety, respect and inclusivity among members. When you are disrespectful to each other, remember that you are in turn, being disrespectful to the admins.
Please remember that online RP is about creating fictional stories together, and that everyone involved is just trying to enjoy themselves. Please remember that we are all human, we will have foot in mouth moments, we will say things based on emotion and we will make mistakes. We’re really all here for a common purpose, guys. Not just in RP but in life. The more we can see people as being alike to us, the more empathy and understanding we can offer to people, even when they upset us, the better the world is.
We love you guys. All we have ever wanted is to create a fun, dynamic group for everyone’s creative outlet.
I LOVE coming on to see your characters every single day. I am so freaking thankful that I have the pleasure of knowing them and seeing them navigate their lives. I want to keep them here so I can see them continue to develop and grow.
They feel like friends to me. And maybe not everyone feels that way, but for me, I will still remember and recall them even long after this RP closes.
I also think of all of you as friends. And I will continue to remember and recall all of you even long after this RP closes.
Please send an IM to the main saying, “completed the post” once you have completed this section.
I just want all of us to get along and be happy together. That’s really all I want.
-- Mimi, Nora, Yo.
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Hi, I hope you dont mind me asking this. How popular is your webcomic? I want to start one myself but Im worried it wont gain any traction and I'll lose motivation :(
I currently have a few hundred active/mostly active readers, 200-ish of which actively follow the webcomic’s blogs and an estimated 100 or so more who read it without following. I only know of these readers’ existence because I know there are several dozens of people who I, friends of mine or followers of mine shared the comic with and who read it actively though they don’t have Tumblr accounts.
I don’t get much fanart or fanworks yet and new creators shouldn’t expect much of that either, fanbases are a difficult thing to build. Then again, my comic is only in Chapter 1 so there’s not much for fans to work with anyway.
I’ve been hosting my webcomic for about a year, though only around 6 or so months ago did I actually start regularly posting new pages. I haven’t advertised it outside of Tumblr, a little bit on Discord and at school because I’m waiting to move the webcomic to its own website rather than just keep it on Tumblr.
You should keep in mind that I had several big advantages right off the bat, those being having big groups of friends who got invested in my webcomic and shared it with other people, running several blogs with large followings that helped me boost the comic and running a very active Discord server where sometimes I’ll find people interested in webcomics. Without these things it would have been significantly harder for my project to get any traction.
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Your comic isn’t going to get any traction on its own unless you advertise it to hell and back. Create popular content that will help your accounts grow so that you will have a larger viewer base seeing your promos, get into groupchats, talk about it on several different social medias, etc. It’s frankly the only way to go about it.
More detailed tips to follow:
-Create memes for big fandoms. From my experience, memes get you more followers than fanart ever will. My most popular fanart only has 2k notes, meanwhile my most popular fandom meme has 100k notes (decapitated Dumbledore, anyone remember that? haha…………… 😔👊). It’s pretty sad but it’s a reality we artists face.
-Create art memes! That way you can share your art WHILE being funny. I must say though… These are always a hit or miss. One post you may get 10 notes and another you may get thousands. My biggest hit of this genre was this (at 40k notes):
-TAG THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR POSTS PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IT’S THE ONLY WAY PEOPLE WILL SEE YOUR STUFF PLEASE SPAM THOSE TAGS PLEASE PLEASE PLEA
-Find forums, groupchats, communities, etc where it would be relevant to share your projects at. Reddit, Deviantart and Discord are quite useful.
-Promote your content by doing exchanges. For example, draw something for every new follower you get or something along those lines.
-Join other artists’ contests and competitions. Maybe even an organization’s contest. The prize doesn’t really matter for the discussion here, but winning will help you get exposure. I am currently participating in a videogame development tournament in my country. If I win, not only will I get a full scholarship, I’ll give my skills and projects exposure.
-You can also just create your own contests and competitions, though you’ll be the one giving away prizes then. Running a contest will definitely get you several followers though, so there’s that.
-If any of your friends shows interest in your project, ask them if they could share it with other people. Don’t put too much pressure on them, like, that’s a shitty thing to do, but asking doesn’t harm anyone.
-Additionally, get out there, meet new people. You never know when you’ll come cross someone who may be interested in helping you spread your project around.
-Don’t stress out. No matter how much time you spend promoting your creation, it’s still going to take ages to build a viewer base.
—
BY THE WAY (this is in this blog’s FAQ but I doubt anyone reads that anyway) this blog is open to promote other creators’content. Just DM me, send me a link, I’ll check it out and see if it’s appropriate and if everything’s fine I’ll post about it here. It will probably be a small boost but it’s a boost nevertheless. I am more than happy to help any creator in need.
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LF RP: Valentyne Hyskaris
The Basics ––––
• NAME: Valentyne Hyskaris
• AGE: 30
• RACE: Rava Viera
• GENDER: Female
• SEXUALITY: Pansexual
• MARITAL STATUS: Single.
• SERVER: Balmung
Physical Appearance ––––
• HAIR: Long thick pastel pink hair cascades in waves to her hips. The layers in the hair makes it seem much more thick than it actually is. It is commonly worn in one of three ways.
The top between her ears is swept behind into a half updo, the pieces that frame her face are tied midway down with some kind of ribbon or jewelry.
All the way down, or tied up completely in a messy bun
• EYES: One eye of a deep rose color, the other like a warm pool of honey
• HEIGHT: 5′8 (Short for a Viera)
• BUILD: Toned and athletic. She can be seen in the mornings and evenings doing yoga or running, she works hard to keep her body fit and attractive.
• DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Her face and tops of her shoulders are dotted with small faint freckles, scars can be seen on her back in the form of small raised white lines, the scars aren’t big or too noticeable unless you happen to be staring at her backside.
She has two facial tattoos one under each eye, markings of her tribe that she had abandoned.
• COMMON ACCESSORIES: She has her chocobo full of bags for her clothes and shoes, as well as her guitar.
On her person she carries her small sword, a bag of candies that she is usually munching on, if she is traveling between cities she dresses very comfortably, having little to no jewelry on. If she is in a city, she tries to dress in a more glamorous style, her dusty and worn leather boots are traded for a beautiful pair of heels, her shorts and baggy shirt are replaced by a lightweight and beautiful gown. She enjoys body chains and gold. Lots of gold.
Personal ––––
• PROFESSION: Traveler, Merc work with @mountainfists, dancing with @mythraltia and/or @moonlight-mix. She also sings and plays music as well as odd jobs or petty theft if she sees pretty things that she just cant afford and can’t live without. Shes not above most things if it’ll earn her Gil.
• HOBBIES: Gardening, cooking, sun bathing, shopping and eating ice cream, candy, pastries
• LANGUAGES: Eorzean
• RESIDENCE: N/A She frerquents Ul’dah and it is one of her favorite places she has ever been, but she doesn’t live there. She usually ends up crashing at a friends house, or renting a room at a inn
• BIRTHPLACE: Golmore Jungle
• PATRON DEITY: Nymeia
• FEARS: Dying alone, ending up betraying her family for nothing, not finding true happiness, letting the people close to her down
Relationships –––-
• SPOUSE: None
• CHILDREN: None
• PARENTS: Mother is alive in Golmore Jungle, Father is unknown
• SIBLINGS: Unknown (Im down for plotting with other Viera)
• OTHER RELATIVES: None
• PETS: None, but she loves animals and makes friends with the strays in whatever place shes visiting
Traits ––––
• extroverted / introverted / in between
• disorganized / organized / in between
• close minded / open-minded / in between
• calm / anxious / in between
• disagreeable / agreeable / in between
• cautious / reckless / in between
• patient / impatient / in between
• outspoken / reserved / in between
• leader / follower / in between
• empathetic / unemphatic / in between
• optimistic / pessimistic / in between
• traditional / modern / in between
• hard-working / lazy / in between
• cultured / un-cultured / in between
• loyal / disloyal / in between
• faithful / unfaithful / in between
Additional information ––––
• SMOKING HABIT: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.
• DRUGS: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.
• ALCOHOL: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.
Possible Hooks ––––
Sweet tooth: Any bakery or candy shoppe will have had an encounter with the short half standing eared Viera, she will often seek out this place before the Inn.
Traveler: These big cities are nothing like the jungle she used to call home, wide eyed and walking in circles she is probably lost. If only someone could help her find her way.
Songbird: With her guitar in hand she can easily be heard on the corner of a busy street. Her songs are a mix of things she’s heard, traditional Viera songs, or ones she has made up. Don’t you worry, her tin cup for receiving Gil is never too far away from the sweet sound of her voice.
Mercenary work: While small, she is agile, and can always call upon her giant Roegadyn friend if any muscle is needed. Her talents better suit sneaking around, spying, infiltration, thievery or really anything besides direct combat. Although you could probably tempt her with a large sum of Gil.
(( @mountainfists for mention))
Frequent exercise: Yoga in the morning as she basks in the suns first rays, and running in the evenings she is often seen doing some kind of physical activity. She can contort her body into all kinds of shapes and is makes running look easy. Maybe she could teach you her flexible ways, or could use a running buddy.
Dancer: In dimly lit taverns she can be seen twirling around in beautiful bright colored dresses. The sweat off her body seems to glitter as she spins.
Ooc info ––––
OHKAY, due to her frequent nsfw tumblr im not comfortable with people under the age of 18 following or interacting with me, and while she is a very flirtatious, promiscuous charcater I am not comfortable with mindless erp or smut. In order to write that kinda stuff there needs to be a reason and we have to have talked oocly.
that being said, Hey hi hello! Im super friendly so please feel free to dm me if you want to do some RP with Val. I like discord RP more than tumblr because its easier for me to find threads on discord, but it doesn’t really matter to me.
My schedule is pretty busy most days, so in game RP is rare for me right now, but my work schedule will be switching up soon so I should be on more around prime time.
Message me on here for my discord
All asks and follows back will come from my main tumblr @draenei-tales
What rp are you looking for?
I am looking for friendships, rivalry, angst, conflict, new friends, long term rp where Val can count on yours and vice versa.
Im open to most themes, if you’re wondering its probably best to just message me and we can talk about what you’re looking for and see if we can work out something great together
Posted on 8/17
#Rava Viera#Viera#FFXIV#final fantasy xiv#Balmung#Balmungrp#lfrp#lfbalmungrp#crystal data center#main verse
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apparently my brain wont let me sleep until i do this, so im sorry for any weird wording-- its 2 am (edit: now its 3) and im emotionally tired when I think about this. being vague abt ppl involved bc this isn't a callout its just me explaining what happened on my end
i guess you can reblog this if you want but please dont contact me about it, im stressed and my only thought is to just get this all over with so i dont need to think about it anymore
i was admin of a jsab discord that had a nsfw channel that could only be accessed with a role. before i was promoted, at least one minor had ended up with the role; i should've removed it as soon as i was admin, but didn't because im afraid of conflict and wasnt sure how to go about it. so, like, problem 1.
after events in the fandom (collin, minors posting nsfw art in main tags) i withdrew from jsab but stayed in the discord because i felt obligated to as an admin, and also because the other admin couldn't run it on her own. i ended up muting the nsfw channel, and eventually the server itself. i was starting to move on to other things and was engaging way less with the fandom than before
a few days ago i got a DM letting me know that an adult in the nsfw channel had been creating sexual content for a minor. i reacted really badly. for full disclosure, im a sexual abuse victim. i dont know how comfortable people would be if i went into specifics, but the situation reminded me way too much of it. on top of that, i was already stressed out and trying to recover from something that had happened with another friend totally unrelated to this. i also already disliked the person involved due to having to ask them to stop being "lewd" in the main channels but had been trying to set it aside bc they seemed nice and people liked them
i was brought into a group dm with several friends and... kind of had a total breakdown. at the time i think they thought i was just doing what had to be done after admitting id let it go on way too long, but the truth is i flew way off the handle and its terrifying to look back on. like, i legitimately haven't been that angry in a long time. it was not a state i should have been doing ANYTHING in, let alone trying to salvage a situation that was triggering me.
while this was going on, someone else was brought up in the group DM as grooming minors, and i was shown screenshots of a conversation in another server from before i joined where they were discussing an opinion along the lines of "i dont get the big deal with hiding nsfw art when minors are going to seek it out anyway" which... also made me very uncomfortable bc of my abuse. i ended up kicking them from the server as well with minimal warning.
at this point people in the server were reacting to an inactive admin suddenly kicking 2 active members and posting an announcement where i made no attempt to hide how furious i was. this part is kind of a blur to me but the group dm was reacting to it as it was going on and a person said something that pushed me over the edge. its kind of hard to describe it as "snapping" when i was already emotionally off the deep end but I pretty much exploded. the server fell apart after that
a day later i got contacted that there had been a psa in another server and people were upset at the friend who posted it because of things i said. im the one who called the people involved pedophiles. i dont think i was right to do that, but there was a lot going on in my head at the time and honestly i kept thinking about my abuse and about collin + when im that badly triggered theres not really any nuance to things
realizing that i broke apart a friend group + was leading to at least one friend getting harassed is why i left the fandom. not only did i fail at keeping people safe, i actively made it worse. i don't think the ppl in the dm are at fault for my actions or my mental state; i do feel upset about it bc of how much the situation escalated but i dont think they knew/understood what was going on with me (i wasnt exactly coherent about it) and how their cheering me on +encouraging me to take more action was making my mental state worse bc i had no opportunity to calm down or even fully process what was happening
im sorry for how i handled this entire situation. im staying away from the fandom (and from fandom discords in general), im trying to get my mental health in order, and i know this isn't a great apology to everyone that got hit by the aoe of my warpath. i just wanted to try and say my part of it because theres a lot of confusion over what happened and seeing as im a major player in it i need to say something
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Callout post: @toroidion @fckhand @mashcores @googledocz @1cm3 @tcnno @tarnmas @p976 @p15s @harmacysts tons of other urls-- SEXUALLY HARASSES AND ASSAULTS OTHER MINORS!!!
I apologize so much for posting this into fandom tags but he’s a Transformers fandom blogger and everyone needs to watch out. First off,
Here’s a list of shit this callout post covers:
him literally SEXUALLY ASSAULTING and SEXUALLY HARASSING MINORS.
him forcing nsfw/kink onto both MINORS and adults.
him being very emotionally manipulative (guilt tripping, threatening suicide to force people to be friends with him, etc.)
SO TW FOR ALL OF THAT.
Here are his blogs:
@38 (current url!!!)
@fckhand (he goes back to this url a lot)
@googledocz (past url)
@8752 (previous url)
@1cm3
@tcnno (a previous url)
@tarnmas (a previous url)
@roughbf (some sort of active sideblog)
@ctdc (an old tfkin group chat he had -- this is where he’s proved to harass people the most!!)
@pcrv (old URL - still online)
@p15s (old URL - still online)
@skrnr (old blog - recently taken by the Woody Collectives)
@breakpng-remade (an old blog when he used to ID as Breakdown)
@harmkin (an old blog he used to stalk people on to send them n.s.f.w)
Past URLs:
toroidion
incelreaper
magistream
oddcorn
harmacysts
harmacysts-remade
ctnet
cybertronnet
breakdovvn
breakpng
skrnr
soliqsnake
paralons
Names he goes by to watch out for:
Pharma
Para / Paralon
Docs
Griev
Grim
Ten
Break(down)
He’s a minor himself but that does NOT excuse him from literally sexually assaulting other minors and putting them in danger within multiple group chats.
Please PLEASE PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU CAN!
Note: some people in this post are kin with certain characters. If someone is using a character name, it’s because of that. Don’t attack them about this.
Note: those whose names/urls/etc. are not censored gave FULL PERMISSION to be included and not censored in this post.
Note: again, this person is indeed a minor too (which doesn’t excuse him at all) but please do not harass him. Block him and spread the word to protect other minors!
He sexually assaults other minors:
It’s been my personal experience of being with him in group chats that many times he has just been asked to stop talking nsfw/kink because he’s a minor or it just made people/other minors uncomfortable. However, most of the time, he either refused or said he’d stop... only to continue. That’s all I’ve experienced. This obviously isn’t enough to warrant a callout post, however...
HE HAS RECENTLY WENT SO FAR AS TO MASTURBATE WHILE ON CALL WITH A MINOR (15) WHO WAS TOO FUCKING SCARED TO TELL HIM TO STOP.
I’ve been given permission by the person he assaulted to say who they are: it was @t4ilgate he assaulted.
It started off with someone messaging me about it:
Note that @/harmacysts aka @fckhand (now @toroidion) fakes being a system in order to get out of most of the shit he starts. Ie. “oh my other alter did that, not me, so I can’t take responsibility for my actions!”
I later got proof of his sexual assault and harassment on a tumblr user by the URL of @t4ilgate (again, permission was given to make their url public):
JUST BECAUSE THIS PERSON DIDNT SAY NO AND FELT PRESSURED INTO IT, DOESNT MEAN ITS OK. THIS WAS FORCED UPON THEM. THEY LITERALLY SAY THAT THEY DIDNT SAY NO BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO FUCKING SCARED TO SPEAK UP.
He later tried to defend them not speaking up as them “giving consent”:
“They should not have given me the slightest consent if they didn’t want it” SILENCE AND FEAR IS NOT CONSENT.
“i gave them the option to say no multiple times” THEY WERE TOO SCARED OF YOU TO SAY NO. ALSO ACCORDING TO THEM,
YOU DIDNT AT ALL.
“I’m genuinely trying to get better” YOU WOULDNT FORCE NSFW/KINKS AND YOURSELF ONTO OTHER MINORS IF YOU ACTUALLY WERE.
And here it is CONFIRMED that they were pressured and scared/forced into this shit:
[ @/t4ilgate: i really tried to hint at trying to make things slow down when he started getting too sexual with me. he just kept asking and asking me until i just felt really pressured to just agree. he really took advantage of me, especially since i had something really similar like this happen before, i was distressed abt upsetting him. he kept asking me over and over how i was feeling, and asking me if i knew what he was feeling and doing. he kept insisting that i should be blunt whenever he did.
(name redacted): god - im so sorry you had to go through that ]
Again allow me to emphasize:
“he just kept asking and asking me until i just felt really pressured to just agree. he really took advantage of me, especially since i had something really similar like this happen before, i was distressed abt upsetting him.”
And in response to his “public apology”:
[ @/t4ilgate: HAHAHAHA W O W OK THEN - 'consent' oh, you mean, constantly badgering me until my 'i dont know, im not sure' turns into '....ok' - 70% of the call was spent doing sexual activities he spent so long trying to convince me to do. - get fucked. ]
HE DID THIS WITHOUT CONSENT AND EXCUSED EVERYTHING WITH “but... [after i intensely pressured and forced them into it] they barely said ok so it’s consensual!”
BADGERING SOMEONE UNTIL THEY GIVE IN IS NOT CONSENT. YOU ARE A FUCKING SEXUAL ASSAULTER AND YOU’VE POTENTIALLY TRAUMATIZED A MINOR FOR YOUR OWN SEXUAL GRATIFICATION.
I hope you have fun living with this knowledge for the rest of your life.
--
And here’s him being asked to leave, saying he’s “so sorry” for sexually assaulting someone, (note: the person telling him to leave says that he’s done this to MULTIPLE PEOPLE SO HE IS A REPEATED OFFENDER AND DANGER):
As you can see, him asking “are you sure you want me to leave [after sexually assaulting a member of your chat]” outright shows that he’s not even considerate of how others feel LET ALONE THE PERSON HE ASSAULTED. He asks after sexually assaulting someone if they really want him to leave. Which, no shit asshole who WOULDNT want you to leave.
As a trauma survivor myself, this utterly disgusts me that this person @/harmacysts aka @fckhand (now @38) who is also the owner of @/ctnet would go so far as to WILLINGLY TRAUMATIZE ANOTHER MINOR FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION.
That’s cocsa even if it’s not physical or in-person, it’s still a form of sexual assault and harassment and I feel so fucking bad for the person (people?) he’s sexually harassed.
It gets worse!!!!
HE ALSO MADE A BLOG ABOUT THIS POOR MINOR AND HIS SEXUAL FANTASIES ABOUT THEM AND HARASSED THEM ON THERE TOO
Apparently this has happened BEFORE with other people as well many times:
[@/t4ilgate: -and really sexually affectionate, but i never knew he’d do that w/out asking me first - YEAH - like he even made a nsfw vent blog to talk about him lusting over me and just feels so bad and wrong i hate it i hate it
(name redacted): he did that to us too
@/t4ilgate: the url used to be harmkin - seriously???
(name redacted): he used to have a blog called fakegimmick and he’d vague about wanting to fuck us (all 17+ year olds) all the time
@/t4ilgate: that’s so fucking sick holy shit i never knew
(name redacted): and he’d even send us the links to the shit he’d vague - it was so fucking uncomfortable - he even made fun of sex-repulsion]
Him making nsfw blogs to literally stalk and harass other minors sexually and to talk about them sexually is fucking creepy. He was asked to stop multiple times but DID NOT EVER STOP. This is harassment, this is cocsa, and this is disgusting.
If that wasn’t enough, then here’s more of what he’s done:
UPDATE!! -- his new url has changed to @38 !
@tcnno used to be a previous url (proof):
[ like… i know ive been denying everything this whole time but… the person that was called out is in our system. im a newer host. i tried to get away from the whole thing because im a coward but that’s irrelevant. the point is that im letting go of my role as host and Pharma is taking that. if anyone is uncomfortable just leave the server its all fine. i doubt im going dormant but we’ll see. im really sorry i have to do this everything is too much for me to handle right now.
if anyone wants anything cleared out just ask. pharma is here with me so he can ask questions as well.
by the way feel free to screenshot that because im not hiding anymore.
oh and if you dont know whats going on just… ((link to the callout against him)) yeah. he doesnt do that kind of shit anymore and is getting better but still if anyone is uncomfortable, feel free to cut contact ] --- source (tcnno)
please note that he has excused his manipulative and abusive behavior and even the fact that he has sexually harassed a minor with his “system” and “headmates” before!!!!!
He has said MANY TIMES that he has “changed”!!
this is normal manipulative behavior for him. please do not fall for it! he is STILL VERY MUCH A DANGER!!
and he’s since then moved to @1cm3 as stated on his blog:
and from this blog you can find a url trail from 1cm3 to @incelreaper and then back to the old @fckhand and over to @arknights and over to @mashcores and then to @googledocz where he deleted most of his content and then to 8752 where he seems to go back to the url @fckhand a lot where he admitted he was googledocz. he is now @38
UPDATE: HE JOKES ABOUT SEXUALLY HARASSING PEOPLE AND ADMITS HE DOESNT FEEL BAD ABOUT WHAT HE DID!
I guess he saw the callout post and all he did was make jokes about it and thus him sexually harassing people:
and then even say he “feels bad but also not”:
He forces nsfw/kink onto both other minors and adults:
Many people have come to me telling me that in all of the group chats he runs and/or is in, he has tried to force nsfw/kink shit onto minors MANY TIMES.
The below pictures in this next part include him going so far as to force nsfw/kink onto his old ex datemate. He’s went so far as to completely ignore their boundaries and they make commentary here and there about how scared they were (tw for vaguely nsfw implied text - but nothing outright nsfw):
[ @/harmacysts: we still have that thing you suggested - we should do that eventually.
--- A note from his ex who we’ll call “Tracer”: I didn’t suggest it. ]
===
[ @/harmacysts: well i just remembered a thing from our past and im-
“Tracer”: ???????
Harmacysts: try to guess
--- A note from his ex: here im playing along bc im too scared to do anything else ]
===
and here is where his ex datemate tried to LEAVE THE SITUATION but he kept forcing it further:
Nothing is outwardly nsfw but his ex is clearly very VERY uncomfortable and tries to literally escape the situations he puts them in MULTIPLE TIMES to the point where they feel SCARED of him.
There were also a few other instances of him forcing nsfw/kink onto people:
He has posted pictures of himself wearing a collar in a group chat he used to be in. This made a lot of people very uncomfortable as he’s a minor so they had to delete the pic he sent. During the time he was wearing it/sent the pic, he kept talking about how “age regressed” he was and then later on called his age regression “pet regression” (possible fetishization of age regression and trauma?)
After being called out about it, instead of apologizing and trying to make things better, he deleted most of the shit he sent and ran from the situation and left the group chat, unable to take people telling him to stop posting nsfw things.
Most of it was deleted including the picture he posted, but here is where he sent it:
note: NO ONE told him to send it and NO ONE told him that it was ok to. Here’s proof that they did not encourage him AT ALL and even told him to NOT post it:
and here’s the aftermath of it where, when being talked to about it and asked to stop in a calm manner, he immediately guilt trips the person telling him to stop:
[caption:
(Name redacted): I apologize but you didn’t have to leave. All I was asking was for you to not post such things into a chat with adults and - Yeah a few people have also mentioned that it made them incredibly uncomfortable as well as adults. I also don’t understnad the issue with me asking you to not post such things, and for adults to be informed of you being a minor.
Harmacysts: no its just best im not there at all]
However, after that, he once again began to force collars and kink shit onto people DESPITE BEING TOLD TO STOP MULTIPLE TIMES:
Here’s where people tell him to stop:
Note, these are taken from multiple group chats,
[ (name redacted): you NEED TO STOP POSTING THIS SHIT its making so many people uncomfortable and youre a MINOR. this isnt an nsfw chat. this is a sfw chat. and even if we did allow nsfw, YOURE A MINOR YOU NEED TO FUCKING STOP OR ELSE WE’RE GOING TO BOOT YOU FOR GOOD, OK? ]
[ (name redacted): pleasee stop this is really uncomfortable im a minor and i dont wanna see this stuff.... please??? idc if youre a minor too i want you to stop!! ]
He’s made EVERYONE both minors and adults uncomfortable. He forces nsfw/kink shit onto minors. He forces it onto adults too. No matter how much people ask him to stop, he doesn’t.
He’s caused multiple minors harm and has even triggered quite a few of them into panic attacks with his blatant sexual harassment.
I can’t stress it enough that even though he’s a minor himself, THIS IS NOT OK --- LET ALONE THE FACT THAT HE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED ANOTHER MINOR!!
He’s very emotionally manipulative:
Here are some accounts of him emotionally manipulating, guilt tripping, threatening suicide, and even trying to break relationships up out of jealousy.
This will be a mixture of people’s encounters with him and screenshots of what he’s said/done.
[ (name redacted): one of the only things that made me stay and wait for him to get better was the fact he used to guilt trip me with "i think i would have kms if i hadn't ever met you" which made me feel important but burdened WITH A FUCKING HUMAN LIFE ]
=====
[ (Name redacted #1): all he said when i once commented about the age difference between his first two relationships i knew of was "i can see why it's not everyone's thing" like................. hey
(Name redacted #2): oh my god
(Name redacted #3): so he perpetuates gross age gaps - also he’s still shoving his nsfw kink talk into minor’s faces - he’s doing it in other group chats
(Name redacted #4): UGh ]
so he advocates and even perpetuates for adult/minor and age-gap relationships.
=====
a few emotionally manipulative and guilt-trippy things he’s said but nothing too serious to warrant a callout post by itself, but it’s still something to include to show his general behavior:
(he apparently used to go by this name and icon in a different chat)
EDIT as of 21/01/2018: since then, he has been changing to numerous URLs, FULLY PRETENDING TO BE OTHER PEOPLE, and trying to drag new people into his shit. He’s hurt even more people according to a few sources and STILL tries to excuse his actions with weak apologies and saying that he “has changed and improved”:
[[ Pharmy boy (aka harmacysts/fckhand -- now @toroidion): yeah ik its really bad but if you need an apology/explanation or something i can provide one? just first off its been 5 months since everything Happened. ive improved a lot since then and i dont condone those types of things at all. it was very stupid of me and i take all the responsibility for it. i mightve been 14 at the time but that doesnt take away how bad it is. ((continued))--
I am trying my best. So first off yeah I did do sexual things on call with another person when i hadnt been given a proper answer, and i did pressure them into it. I admit that. I didnt mean to hurt them, I genuinely thought it was ok, but now i know better. i do feel very guilty for what i did. ill be more careful in the future and am sure to not repeat the same thing ever again.
then theres me talking about nsfw when people were telling me to stop. obviously thats not a right thing to do either, as everyone was clearly uncomfortable with it. i wont repeat that either, and will look after it myself.
theres also me blaming things on alters, and not taking responsibility for what they mightve done. i dont remember exactly what happened but from now on im sure to take note of what they do and apologize for them. ((note: he is NOT an actual system, does not have DID, and only started to claim to be one after he got friends who also claimed to be systems))
ive also bee manipulative in the past, and ive taken note of it. i used to guilt trip people and say shit like “no one loves me and youre lying” etc etc but i promise i will not do that again.
the only time i ever did stuff like that was the ones mentioned, i havent done the same before, and neither will i do it again. ((false: he has done many more things that weren’t documented due to him deleting messages after he was told off or called out))
sorry thats a bit sloppy.
but like. i promise ive improved, and i still am. ill continue to improve from now on as well, you can give me a chance to prove that if you so desire.
bottomtron: sorry but, literally, i cant. my abuser of 3 years that ruined my life was like this and i even physically lived with him. im sure youll get better in time but 5 months isnt long and my gut tells me to just do what i feel is right. so i hope you have a good run in life and you do get better. ]]
however, despite harmacysts/fckhand’s claims, he actually HAS NOT changed and continues to sexually harass and perhaps even groom other minors:
plus it should be quite obvious that 5 months is barely enough time, especially since there has been little difference in his behaviour.
Small edit as of 2018/07/30 --- fckhand (now @38) proves that he STILL has not changed and does not care about nor respect any of his friends’ decisions to leave him after they find out what he has done.
He has no changed, will not change, and refuses to respect peoples’ decisions even after claiming for ages now that he does. He is lying.
TLDR --- this person @fckhand (now @38) literally sexually harassed another minor under the guise that their silence and fear was consent. He pressured them into it and harmed them. He’s extremely manipulative and toxic and is KNOWN to force nsfw/kink onto other minors. since then, he has been lying and trying to worm his way back into fandoms and people’s lives.
again do not harass him but by all means please reblog this post, block him, and tell others!
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Get to know Kit
It’s the question(s) on nobody’s mind: who is divinity kittty?
Well let me just start by saying I have A LOT of time on my hands, like too much, like enough to find and fill all of this out for no other reason than because I felt like it. & with that being said, here’s some light public self reflection; hope it’s as good for you guys as it was for me!
1. Full Name
Im gonna stick with “Divinity Kittty” but you can call me Kit, Kittty or Divinity.
2. Zodiac sign
Gemini sun Aries Moon
3. 3 fears
dying with regrets, dying unfulfilled, living as a slave or vegetable.
4. 3 things I love
warm desserts served with icecream, debates and/or theory discussions, new experiences
5. My best friend
is it wrong to say, myself ...?
6. Last song I listened to
Changes / A$AP Rocky
7. 4 turn ons
sense of humor, witty come backs, strong/toned back/shoulder, intimacy that isn’t awkward or asking for something, that V line cut thing people get sometimes
8. 4 turn offs
bad breath and body odor in general! being mean to animals, being mean to servers and people who are just doing their jobs, greasy skin/hair, cowboy boots.
9. How many tattoos/piercings
I currently have 8 piercings and 9 tattoos. Actually just took out 2 rings though (not sure if ill put them back in before they close), and working on getting another tattoo or 2 soon... so ask me again in about a month lol.
10. The reason I joined tumblr
I joined tumblr like forever ago when it was fresh and new, immediately fell into the hole because I was a big dr.who, supernatural fan... didn’t really decide to actually “run my blog” until recently, because I just feel like it’s a cool platform to like be vulnerable and be myself without worrying about like local bs or anyone texting me or seeing me in public wondering “what was that post about.” Also, like I said, I’ve been here a while kind of just lurking in the shadows of my main acct, so I feel comfortable being myself here. Everyones weird and intellectual, it’s cool.
11. How I feel right now
Satisfied. I just had 2 black bean burgers and some homemade fries so.. can’t complain really.
12. Something I really really want
To RV or renovate a camper or van and just explore a couple parts of america before headed into south america via mexico+panama, into brazil for carnival, and then as far down as i can make it before catching a plane to (Australia first, and then) the East. Never to return!
13. Current relationship status
Dating a cishet man.. pray for me.
14. Meaning behind my URL
Honestly, it’s nothing really that deep. I’d say I relate to the feline community, domestically house cats, but also panthers and lions. I also practice divination in the form of Tarot and Astrology.... I Am a Divine Feline. Divinity Kittty. the 3 Ts represent Trinity - which closely relates to perfection or completion. I also Love the number 3, for creation and manifestation (Trinity again). Idk, I guess it was that deep after all, lol
15. Favorite movies
Ok so it’s somewhere between spirited away and Princess Mononoke... but also like maybe Bug or Teeth... Breakfast at tiffany’s too though, and Heathers.. Have to mention fight club of course, for the culture. and Cloud Atlas!!!! oh man. Apocolypto?? like hello! I don’t know, I’ve seen so many great movies. I really enjoy watching film actually.
16. Favorite songs
Really depends what mood I’m in but right now F Q-C and Spiral by Wilough are both greatttt on soundcloud. Never skip.
17. Favorite bands
I don’t listen to many bands anymore but I’d say maybe Tame Impala if he counts, or Cigarettes after sex.. the beatles will always hold a place in my heart too. And muse... and coldplay oh god. Sorry mom!
18. 3 things that upset me
People who don’t pay attention when I’m trying to share or express something, bills, capitalism in general.
19. 3 things that make me happy
helping/being useful, holding hands, inside jokes
20. Relationship with my parents
My dad kind of tries, but its one of those “too little too late” kind of deals. My mom is great, a bit negative and anxious, but my biggest regret is maybe I’m not expressing as much Love as I’d like to sometimes, due to my own traumas. I love her, I’m just a very casual lover. We try though.
21. My pets
At my mom’s theres 2 wiener dogs, Mocha and Lulu who sleep in my room when I’m there. My bf and I also care for a Pit named Nomu, a cat named Ashes, and her fresh little month old cubs who don’t all have names yet but theres 5 of them... for adoption btw. Please.
22. Do I smoke or drink?
Social drinker, I don’t really just like sit at home and drink for fun but I like going out for a drink and some dancing every now and then. Or wine nights. I don’t smoke... cigarettes.. haha ;)
23. Celebrity crushes
Donald Glover. Scott Mescudi. Beyonce & Rihanna (duh). Jaden Smith. Willow Smith.
24. What I did yesterday
Yesterday I made some sales, hung out with my boyfriend, saw my cousin who’s in from out of town, and pretty much just vibed for the rest of the night.
25. Something I’m talented at
Movement. I don’t know if that’s a real talent, but why wouldn’t it be. I’m really good at moving my body, like dancing, yoga, posture, flexibility, balance... I just like to move.
26. Number of kids I want
One day, maybe like 2. Really I only want 1 but I’d have 2 just so they won’t be lonely growing up.
27. 3 habits I have
If I’m not careful I can easily spend an entire day in bed, I smoke at least 1 spliff almost every day.. especially before bed, spending more than I should.
28. A lie I’ve told
The most recent lie I told was actually today, to my boss.. hear me out though, I just got this new job & she scheduled me but never gave me a log in for the schedules, so she calls me 2 hrs before my shift (opening) and I was just like oh yea “ I have to pick up my cousin at the airport so I can only come for like an hour while you find a replacement.” mind you my cousin got in yesterday... and she drove.. but whatever, I got a free day lol.
29. Something I fantasize about
Civil and/or Spiritual Revolution, my role in the war+the new world
30. My idea of the perfect date
Something outside, preferably in the sun and grass. Some kind of activity, either a game or like something where we get to create but also get to know each other better. Maybe some art or music is involved some how... last date I went on we kayaked out to a little private island and tripped half a tab, that was pretty perfect.
31. Something currently worrying me
MONEY! omg, I’m a broke ass college kid man. And im not even in school right now, can you imagine the distress. I need my bills paid, and fast!
32. Something that’s constantly on my mind
How I can be better than I’ve been.
33. A photo of myself
This is the most recent (quality) photo I have of myself, except my hairs black now... hi.
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OOC: new plots
Plots. Lots and lots of plots. I finally finished compiling them! Credits to friends, and here, here, here, here, and here. IM me if one catches your attention, or I'll message you instead if you like the post! ( ᐛ )و
APARTMENT / NEIGHBOR PLOTS
I decided to jump the apartment’s pool gate at 2AM for some solo night swimming and... Who are you? Do you even live here? Yeah I know I’m breaking apt rules but that’s not the point and so are you!
MUSE A’s apt was broken into and ransacked. Feeling unsafe, MUSE A asks MUSE B to let them stay at their place until the police have apprehended the criminal. This can be a pre-est relationship, or they're only casual acquaintances but MUSE A has no where else to go.
LOL you act like such a tough guy but this apartment has thin walls so guess what? i can actually hear you when you watch horror movies and shriek so why do you watch them if u’re scared also do you want me to watch them with you bc i’m never scared
Apart from a few casual conversations on the walk up to their floor or brief meetings at the mailbox, Muse A and Muse B haven’t gotten the chance to get to know each other. When the power goes out throughout the building, on a particularly warm night, Muse A quickly sets out some candles to light their home, but they realize that they don’t have any matches to light them (and their stove only works on electrical power). Knowing MUSE B is the closest neighbor, Muse A heads over to their apartment and asks for assistance.
I came to complain about something (pet, noise, a mess in the laundry room, etc) but holy shit it smells good in your apartment what are you cooking and can I have some
you used to live in ur apartment with your s/o until you broke up and they left and now you’re crying on the floor not because they left but because you can’t sleep alone, so um im here???
GENERAL 1ST MEETING / FOR STRANGERS PLOTS
MUSE A scoots over to make room for MUSE B since the rest of the seats on the bus are taken. A minute or two after MUSE B sits down, they fall asleep and lean into MUSE A’s shoulder. MUSE A tries to be polite and ignore the stranger sleeping on them, but then MUSE B starts to drool on their jacket.
I ran into you and your ex yelling at each other so you grabbed me and kissed me so they’d go away and I’m kind of freaked out I literally just met you??
MUSE A is trying to enjoy a night out with friends when they are approached by an obnoxious person who won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. MUSE B notices what’s going on and heads over to help MUSE A out. At their wits end, MUSE A turns to throw their drink in the creep’s face, but they end up splashing MUSE B instead.
It’s nearly closing time and MUSE A is hammered. Playing the part of good Samaritan, MUSE A attempts to get MUSE A into a cab home but they can’t coherently give their address, so MUSE B takes MUSE A home with them instead until MUSE A can sober up some.
This queue is so long I can’t wait to go home, wait I just realized our baskets of groceries are basically the same’
My favourite song came on the radio in this supermarket so I started quietly singing along only to find I’m not the only one doing so’
‘This shop has an offer on Oreos and I look like an idiot stuffing so many packets into my basket will you please stand near me so I don’t look like I’m alone?’
THEMED / MORE SPECIFIC 1ST MEET PLOTS
“i got a gig at a wedding (photographer, server, florist, etc) and i was sneaking some food bc i’m rly hungry but then you started chatting me up and you’re really cute how do you know the–wait a second yOU’RE NOT EVEN INVITED YOU’RE JUST A WEDDING CRASHER??? fuck aren’t i supposed to kick u out?”
MUSE A is on the run from something or caught up in something important and MUSE B is a bystander they ran into
MUSE A owns a cat allowed free. They don’t give much thought to the fact their cat is only around half of the time. Then the cat disappears and MUSE A, worried, creates missing posters. MUSE B answers the call for help stating that the cat on the poster looks very much like their own cat. MUSE A and MUSE B meet and realize that they have been sharing the same cat for a long time now and are forced to consider what they should do regarding ownership.
after a one night stand, the next morning isn’t pretty. MUSE A and MUSE B turn out to hate each other on the way out the door, but just as MUSE B attempts to leave in a huff, a blizzard has trapped them inside. no power, little food, and no way home, both muses are stuck with each other for another night.
** This would obviously be a “past” thread since it’s spring now.
MUSE A is sipping tea by the window, watching the rain come down from the comfort of their warm, dry home. They peers out toward the quiet street just as MUSE B rides his/her bike by and runs into a huge pothole. It’s a funny sight to behold, the poor soul drenched in muddy water, but ultimately MUSE A feels badly for the soaked stranger and decides to intervene. MUSE A pulls on a jacket and hurries outside to offer help.
PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS
MUSE A is psyched to show MUSE B the cool magic trick they just learned, despite MUSE B’s insistence that they have somewhere to be. MUSE A promises it’ll only take a minute. They handcuff themselves to MUSE B and tap the cuffs and say the magic words, but the cuffs stay cuffed. MUSE A has to tag along on MUSE B’s blind date. **This is a purely comedic plot, not a shippy one.
MUSE A and MUSE B have been close friends for years. But fame and fortune breaks everything eventually. MUSE A became busy in the entertainment world spotlight. Originally, they were able to do a few things then meet back with MUSE B… but eventually it got too much. MUSE B feels abandoned by MUSE A because of how far away they’ve drifted. The fame and fortune got between their friendship and has broken them apart.
MUSE A and MUSE B meet at a wedding between friends. The wedding is long and boring and they respectively sneak off to drink/relax/ect in a secluded area (garden, coat room, ect) yet somehow bump into the other. The conversation is light at first but takes a turn when they start talking about the bride/groom. Pieces are put together from what each of them knows and they figure out the bride/groom is having an affair. What now?
MORE DETAILED / COMPLEX PLOTS
Eager to get away from the hustle and bustle of city life for the weekend, MUSE A retreats to the great outdoors for a little camping. Determined to spend the entire trip “off the grid”, MUSE A shuts off their cell phone before setting off to find the best spot to pitch their tent. As the sun starts to set and the temperature in the woods begins to drop, MUSE A is struck with the realization that they’ve left something important in the trunk of their vehicle [blankets, matches, cooking supplies, etc.]. MUSE A tries to hurry back to the car while there’s still some daylight, but it’s not as close to the camp site as they thought and it isn’t long before they get lost. Breaking their own no-tech rule when they start to panic, MUSE A is only able to get GPS signal on their cell phone for a few minutes before the battery dies. Luckily, MUSE B is camping just a few yards away from where MUSE A winds up. It’s MUSE B’s first time camping and they can’t help but be startled by every snap of twig or rustle of leaves they hear around them. When they hear MUSE A nearing their camp site, they’re relieved to have some company.
On their way to lunch, MUSE A makes a quick stop at the bank to withdraw some cash. MUSE A figures that they’ll use the ATM to get in and out with minimal fuss but both machines are out of order, so they must get in line to see a teller. MUSE B is line ahead of MUSE A. Caught up in their own thoughts, they don’t notice each other, nor the suspicious activity of the person ahead of them who’s just stepped up to the teller window and demanded a large sum of cash. When the teller instinctively reaches for the alarm button behind the counter, the robber draws a weapon and threatens to use it if the police come. MUSE A and MUSE B, along with everyone else but the teller is commanded to get down on the ground unless they want to be harmed. Realizing they’ve walked in on a bank robbery, MUSE A’s fear overtakes them and they start to freak out. MUSE B notices MUSE A on the floor nearby and it tugs at their heart strings. Despite the danger, MUSE B crawls over to MUSE A and takes their hand. MUSE B puts on a brave face and tells MUSE A whatever they can to reassure them.
After a few tense minutes, that feel like hours, the robber grabs as much cash as they can and flees the bank without hurting anyone. The police are called as soon as the robber’s gone and little by little (after being questioned) people are allowed to trickle out of the bank. Once they’re free to go, MUSE A finds MUSE B and thanks them for being so comforting. MUSE B offers to make sure that MUSE A gets home okay and MUSE A accepts. Sitting on the front porch of MUSE A’s home, still shaken up, the pair share a long talk about what happened and how lucky they are to be alive. MUSE B promises to check in on MUSE A every once in a while, if they want, to which MUSE A agrees.
#That took longer than expected. I'll be adding this page to the navigation for future reference and easy finding!#Krp OC#Krp Lit#Wanted Plots#Krp Open
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tagged by: @heroiiic u are a cool person and I am a chicken nugget thats too scared of bothering u on discord, but if my phone wasn't physically broken id share u a screenshot every time soren came to say hi to me in FEH
rules: answer 30 questions and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.
((alright but when have I ever followed the rules...... just sayin))
1. nicknames: reed... uh..... sometimes ppl call me weed to mock me but then i just punch them and its good (just kdding im weak as shit)
2. gender: hey so i find that if you don't identify yourself, people you talk to online are less likely to preemptively subconsciously stereotype you and therefore judge you before really getting to know you. So let's keep it that way. Unlock lvl 3 friendship before I reveal who I truly am to you LMFAO
3. Star sign: aries grr!
4. Height: 5'5", maybe 5'6" ??? idk man all i know is my little sister is taller than me and it makes me mad bc I personally am not that short!!!!
5. time: 2:16 am
6. bday: March 22
7. favorite bands: well shit uh, Sakanaction, Bump of Chicken, Dogcatcher, The Oh Hellos, FOB, Unison Square Garden.... im sure im missing something but... o well.
8. Favorite Solo Artist: I can't choose so u get all of em. Hachi (Yonezu Kenshi), Aimer, Sasakure.UK, Harito, Keichi Okabe, EMI EVANS god ,,, As well as a collection of, indie people,... and anyone that did the drakengard/nier osts / gravity rush 1 & 2 Osts, wow. seriuosly. Amazing.
9. Song stuck in my head right now: Douse shinundakara, (its a lie that its not stuck right now but its been for the past few days!) because I found the jp translation and made english lyrics and have been practicing hittin those high notes in the car on the way to school LMFAO.... same with hoshii no kieta by Aimer.;..... its like car karaoke hawhaw
10. Last movie I saw was. Uh. UHHH. In theaters, it was Hitmans Bodyguard, which by the way was campy and ridiculous and pretty funny if seen with the right people.
11. Last show I watched: was Rick and Morty, earlier today, in my school lounge on my computer. s3 ep 7 is really, really good. Like really good. It's also pretty fucked up.
12. when I created this blog: its been. A very. long time. this blog has only really ever been for reblogs... if u wanna chat w me find a discord server im part of and bother me there... or pm me, because i prefer one on one conversations even if im shit at keeping them going.
13. what I post: oh shit i answered this one already by accident OOPS UHHHH i reblog good art, shitty memes, and PSA's that I think are important. Im here to haev a good time. I have a seperate art blog that's in my about tab so there's that.
14. last thing I googled: the definition of the word galvanized. I am now slightly more verbose.
15. do I have any other blogs: like, two. artblog, old blog where I uploaded covers when I was in middle school, and a personal vent blog.... i accidently reblogged something to there though so I deleted it oops lmfao. But its ok, it was meant to be ephemeral and writing my thoughts down is therapeutic so I'll make another one once again.
16. do I get asks: literally never. Not even bots, LMFAO.
17. why did i choose my url: I've stuck with the name Reed for a really long time now but its also a pretty generic name, so i came up with this shitty pun and it stuck. it's probably my steam username too but like shifted around a little. any time i can't get 'reed' as a username i default to im.reed.ing or something like that.
18. followers: whoa, 175, really???? I get the impression that quite a few of them are inactive though, or i post so irregularly and infrequently that no one ever sees my posts LOL.
19. following: 380 and still counting. I turn on notifs for artblogs I really like!!! >;3
20. favorite snack for movie/tv: Honestly I used to not chow much while watching or itd be something generic like chips, but recently I started marathoning naruto of all things w a friend and we go to the asian supermarket beforehand and we get like a bunch of popped rice chips or sweets and various foods and some iteration of hi-chews and THAT is my favorite marathon snack tbh.
21. average hours of sleep: NEVER ENOUGH. It goes from like 2-3 hours on days when i have no self ocntrol... to like 12-16 on days when i... have no... self control.... lays down slowlyl.....
22. wHAT THE HECK THERES NO NUMVER 22 TRIKEY skdjhfksu cMON MANG
23. lucky number: my rng is shit but my favorite number is 4 because someone dear to me likes that number... but also because 4 is unlucky in some places, which I identify with.... but also bc 4 is the # of sides in a square/diamond, and squares are perfect and good shit and aesthetic. My boyfriend is a squa-- //kicked jk jk ramiel is a octohedron, i take it bac k ....
24. instrument: i can play the piano (barely) but I used to also do violin trumpet and a teeny bit of flute.... learned the ocarina too bc im a zelda nerd, and I dont mean that silly little 4-hole one. But I also sing and stuff and have been actively practicing, one day ill make a decent cover and learn to mix and be one of dem cool youtaites..... lays down slowly. this is fine.
25. what I am wearing right now: a lot of things,,, a watch, a hyper light drifter sweater. headphones, underwear, pants, a tshirt, socks, existential dread... u name it lol.
26. first celeb crush: since i honestly never cared much for real life celebrities, i'll just give you my anime/video game crushes instead and like...... wow i can't honestly remember my first ones???? oh shit wait OK it was probably both ashitaka and san, my first ghibli movie was mononokehime... they are just so freaking coo l... ok thtas a lie i lowkey wanted to BE them. Both of them.
.... idk man u cant ask an aroace person what their crushes were bc idk what those are!!! I assume u just really really really like something/someone and thats that, I GUESS??? I wanted to be link too once upon a time. And nausicaa. and a good chunk of the soul calibur 2 cast, and starfire from oldtimey teen titans. i was a simple child ok???
27. dream job: listen thats complicated idk about what my dreams are for a job, but I do want to be an animator and a storyboarder and a game developer and a game tester and a movie critic and a cinematographer and a director and a story lead and an illustrator at some point, and gotta try it before I can knock it ya know?
28. Dream trip: anywhere, so long as its with the people I really love. One day, I'll pack a few things into my car and run away for a little while. I'll come back some day! But for those long hours on the road with another person or two, marvelling quietly at the world around them as it passes and listening to music in the car... that sounds like a nice temporary reprieve.
29. favorite food: i fucken love poki bowl. SPICY SEAFOOD + RICE YAAAaaas
30. nationality: was born in murica, but both my parents are immigrants from now-ukraine. So we all speak russian at home lul.
tagging people: ha, tags are for nerds.
@one-becomes-two @trash-knights @nhiners @awishwee @deerwood @montejeska @queenchro @chicken-mcnobody DONT HAVE ANY MORE BLOGS I CAN REMEMBER this will have to do.
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