#mom the void is torturing me
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The story of us
Steve Harrington x reader
Summary: How Steve fell in love with his best friend and found the love he deserved
Word count: 7.4K
AN: This is total fluff to heal me from Vol. 2. Steve deserves love, period.
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She double checked her winged eyeliner, frowning slightly when she realized the makeup on her eyes weren’t quite symmetrical.
They don’t have to be twins, she shrugged to herself and continued on, plastering on her red lipstick. When she was finished she smiled nervously at her reflection, touching up her hair, making sure there were no tangles.
She suddenly sighed and rolled her eyes at herself, her insecurities rising rapidly.
All this work for Steve fucking Harrington, she thought to herself with a shake of her head. She never would’ve believed this day would come. The past couple of years had been a whirlwind and yet, unbelievably, falling for Steve had been the least astounding thing she’d experienced.
Creatures from an alternate dimension overshadowed anything else going on in her otherwise mundane life.
Smoothing down her outfit, she left her room before she could nitpick her look and change her clothes for the third time that night. She raced down the stairs and grabbed her purse, hoping to sneak out without any hassle.
But of course, the universe was not on her side.
“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” Her dad called out from his spot on his recliner, eyeing her from over his reading glasses with a curious look.
“Out.” She shrugged, feigning innocence, her fingers itching to turn the door knob and hightail it out of there before she had to answer any more questions.
“Yeah, no shit. Where are you going?”
“Movies.”
“With who?”
“Dad, I’m already late, I need to go.”
“You know, I’d be a lot less suspicious if you weren’t avoiding my question.” He said with a knowing smirk, getting up from his chair and crossing his arms over his chest, a clear sign that she was about to get the third degree.
She stared at her dad challengingly, his own eyes narrowing in defiance, silently telling her she wasn’t going to win this one.
She sometimes hated how observant her father was.
“So…are you going to tell me or do I have to get the lie detector out.”
“You don’t have a lie detector.” She called his bluff.
“I can buy one. I’m sure they’re not too expensive.” He waved her off. “So…”
Clenching her jaw as her mind suddenly became void of any of her friends’ names, she settled for the first shitty answer she could think of. “I’m going with a friend.”
“This friend wouldn’t happen to be a boy, would it?”
She tensed, wondering how bad her consequence would be if she just sprinted out of the room. It wasn’t that she was embarrassed by Steve. Sure, they were a couple some people gave a double take to, purely because most people had no idea the two of them even knew each other.
But there were prodding questions parents asked about their child’s budding relationships that she couldn’t answer in the slightest.
How’d you meet?
I used to hate him and think he was a stuck up asshole until he saved my life from a monster from another dimension with a bat full of nails.
How’d you get together?
He kissed me while we were in the upside down - you know, that other dimension I mentioned - and thought we were going to be killed by a horde of demo-dogs hell bent on tearing our limbs from our bodies.
Yeah, she’d prefer to keep those details private.
At her prolonged silence, her dad’s smirk grew until he laughed, as if he found great amusement in her torture.
“All you have to do to make this end is tell me who you’re meeting up with tonight.”
“Honey, please just tell him, this is driving me crazy.” Her mom called out from the kitchen, though the amused smile on her face was evident.
She hated when her parents tag-teamed her. All her friends said she was so lucky to have such cool parents, but none of them had ever been on the receiving end of their intrigue.
With a heavy sigh, she averted her gaze down to the floor and muttered the damning name.
“I’m sorry, what was that?”
“Steve Harrington.” She blurted out louder, causing both of her parents’ eyes to widen in surprise.
“You’re going out with Steve Harrington? How the hell did that happen?”
“Nope, you said I only had to tell you who, not how.” She sassed, grinning widely as she made her way to the door.
“Don’t think you can escape these questions forever, young lady!” Her dad called out as she left the house. She waved goodbye and let out a deep breath as she found herself in the cool night air.
When she saw the familiar car waiting idly a few houses down, a wide smile broke out onto her face and she raced forward, eager to see the man in question. As she got into the car, the smile she wore mirrored the one Steve gave her.
Before he could get a greeting out, she leaned over the middle console and kissed him deeply, her hands finding their common place at the base of his neck as her fingers curled into his wild strands of hair.
Their hearts beat in equal excited measure, their stomach fluttering with an array of delighted butterflies.
“Hi.” Steve breathed out when they finally parted.
“Hi.” She smiled and stole another quick peck to his lips.
He cleared his throat, forcing his sudden lust filled daze to dissipate. “So, movies?”
She nodded, biting her lip as she smiled knowingly, absolutely loving the effect she had on him.
Steve’s hand found its place on her thigh as he drove through the sleepy streets of Hawkins. That disbelieving feeling rose again, one that she still couldn’t seem to shake at the fact that she was in the car of the Steve Harrington.
She didn’t know why she was still so surprised by the turn of events. She’d been in his car plenty of times before and, more recently, they’d done some very r-rated things in the back seat. But their growing feelings for each other was still something she had to wrap her head around.
She had started off hating the king of Hawkins high, rolling her eyes whenever he boasted in the halls of the dreaded place. Back then, she was someone he barely even noticed. Then they quickly became a pair finding solace in each other in a crazy world they never expected to be a part of. Then, she became a friend, a confidant, giving him advice, helping with his homework, comforting him in his dark times. She became a place of healing through his break up with Nancy. And then, she soon became a person he could never get out of his mind.
She quickly consumed him, healing his broken heart and showing him a love he never thought could exist.
She became his everything.
Placing her hand over his, their fingers intertwined and she smiled lovingly, her mind beginning to wander to how this had all started.
She had been Jonathan Byers’ best friend since they were in pre-school. That alone explained the fact that they ran in very different circles in school. When Will went missing, her life changed forever.
She loved that little boy as if he were her own brother. She’d been fiercely protective of the quiet boy since he could walk and as his mysterious disappearance unfolded, she was thrust into a world she had trouble believing was real.
“You don’t have to be here.” Jonathan had told her sincerely, looking at her with a pained expression through the explosion of flickering lights above them.
“Jonathan, I’m here and there’s no way in hell I’m leaving.” She told him sternly and tightened her grip on the ax she was holding.
She’d never used an ax before, never even chopped wood before, but it seemed like the proper weapon to use against a demogorgon, a monster with no face as Nancy had described to her.
The three of them stood in a protective circle, their backs against each other’s as they scouted the ruined room for the monster.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and the last person she had ever expected to see forced themselves into the room, looking around at the destroyed furniture, the excessive number of stringed lights and the weapons in their hands with wide, horrified eyes.
As Steve’s eyes took in the scene before him, his eyes landed on her and she felt as though it was the first time he had ever truly seen her.
“W-what the hell is going on? Why do you have an ax?!”
Those were the first words he ever spoke to her.
“You need to leave, Harrington.”
And those were the first words she’d ever spoken to him.
It didn’t take much convincing for him to run out of the house, the sight of the demogorgon enough to make him run for the hills.
As the monster tackled Jonathan to the floor, she readied her ax and swung, hitting it in the shoulder. She gasped and backed up on trembling legs as it turned towards her menacingly, rearing its claws back, ready to strike her down.
Ignoring the aching in her shoulders, she raised the ax again and with a grunt of exertion, she brought the weapon down, hitting the demogorgon in the shoulder. Its wailed cries of pain didn’t last long, soon the menacing growling took its place and its sights were set on her again.
Gripping the handle of her weapon, she tugged, but it refused to budge, staying lodged within the monster, leaving her defenseless.
Her eyes widened in terror as the creature roared at her, seconds away from lunging, when it suddenly wailed, its body stumbling back from the blow to its side it received.
She watched, stunned, as Steve held the nailed bat, swinging furiously at the creature, backing it up into the hallway where they had placed the trap.
Of all the things that could’ve possibly happened that night, Steve Harrington saving her life was the last thing she’d ever expected.
That was the first time she got the inclination that he wasn’t a completely irredeemable asshole.
Later that night, as the group gathered in the hospital, most still in shock that little Will Byers was in fact alive, she found herself restless, her foot tapping annoyingly against the linoleum floor.
With a heavy sigh, she stood from her seat and made her way through the maze of halls to find the vending machine, suddenly realizing it had been over a day since she’d eaten anything. Her feet dragged her slowly through the bright hallways, the light making her already pounding headache worse.
She suddenly stopped in her tracks, a sense of dread falling over her when she noticed Steve at the vending machine, eyeing the choices tiredly, looking as if he were about to keel over any second.
When he felt her gaze he looked over his shoulder, his passive expression wavering as he smiled softly, sending her a feeble wave.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” She replied, somewhat hesitantly, not used to ‘King Steve’ paying her any mind.
But this was the guy that had saved her life only hours ago. He had stormed right back into danger to help them, and that couldn’t be ignored, no matter what she had previously thought of him.
“I uhm… I just wanted to say thank you, for earlier.” She choked out awkwardly, wringing her fingers together, feeling slightly uncomfortable as he looked at her intently. “That thing would’ve killed me if you hadn’t stepped in, so… thanks.”
Steve smiled lightly, a gesture that portrayed just how tired he was as it was barely a twitch of his lips, but it gave away his gratitude as he bowed his head, not quite sure how to take the compliment.
“It was nothing.”
“Steve, you saved my life. That’s not nothing.” She told him sincerely and the blush that coated his cheeks made her smile.
He grabbed his food and smiled warmly as he passed her, allowing her to take her place at the vending machine. He stopped before he left, turning back to look at her and he called her name softly, making her look over at him with wide eyes.
She didn’t even think he had known who she was, let alone her name.
“I’m glad you’re ok.”
With those words, she was left to stare at his retreating form in a stunned daze.
He wasn’t what she had expected.
Trauma had a way of bringing people together and by some strange twist of fate, she found herself hanging out with Steve Harrington more often than not.
They could speak to each other about things they couldn’t ever speak to other people about. The shared horrors they had seen pushed the two of them together in a way they were helpless to stop.
They were almost completely oblivious to the way they had seemingly latched onto each other since that horror-filled night of Will’s return. They started, almost unconsciously, seeking each other out at school, whether it be simple shared smiles, or Steve inviting her to sit with him and Nancy at lunch, or just simply being with each other for hours until they had to go their separate ways home.
It even developed into Steve driving her home from school day after day, the two of them spending more time together than not.
One night, as she turned off the lights in her house, preparing to head to bed for the night, the phone rang. With a quiet curse, she raced as quietly as she could to the phone, desperate to end the shrill noise before it woke her parents.
“Hello?” She picked up, her tone more pointed than she expected.
“Hey.”
“Steve? Do you know what time it is?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, I just… do you have time to talk?”
There was a lingering fear heard in his voice, one he tried to cover up, but one she heard nonetheless. It was the same fear her own voice held those nights she couldn’t sleep, the nights where all she could see was that faceless monster.
“Another nightmare?” She asked quietly.
It was quiet on the other line for a long moment, she could practically feel Steve’s shame through the phone, his hesitancy to disclose what he was going through, fearing the notion that this made him weak.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t- I’ll let you get to sleep.”
“No, no, Steve, it’s ok, I’m not tired.” She spoke quickly, stopping him before he could hang up. “Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just… It’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. I get them too.”
On the other line, Steve nodded, though she couldn’t see him, his teeth worrying his bottom lip roughly. He paced across the length of his room, wondering if she could hear the pounding of his heart through the phone.
“You wanna talk about it?” Her quiet voice said again and he had to swallow the immediate urge to refuse and hang up to save his dignity.
“Not really.” He mumbled, his finger curling around the cord anxiously.
“Steve.” Her soft voice stressed, gently coercing him to reveal what was troubling him. “It’s ok to be scared. No one should have to see what we saw. Honestly, I’d be more worried about you if you were totally fine after all that shit.”
With a heavy sigh, the floodgates opened and Steve allowed himself to purge everything that was tormenting him.
It was only halfway into his explanation of his dark dream, that he began to wonder why he hadn’t called Nancy, why her name hadn’t been at the forefront of his mind when he wanted nothing more than to be comforted.
Instead he went to her.
It took him weeks to get that sinking feeling to stop.
But it didn’t stop Steve from seeking her out. She had quickly become the greatest friend he ever had and nothing, not even the guilt he felt, like he was betraying Nancy, could take that away.
At school, as the group disbanded from lunch, Steve’s arm found its way over Nancy’s shoulders, his brain fighting to listen to what Nancy was ranting about. Something about fourth period history, he thinks, but he found it hard to concentrate.
His eyes were locked onto Jonathan and the girl who had quickly become one of his favorite people. More specifically, Jonathan’s arm around her waist and their shared smiles as they spoke to each other.
He didn’t know why the sight caused unease to swell within him, he had no idea why that sinking, dreading feeling was back.
He did everything he could to push the thought aside and he was successful, until only hours later when he was sitting with her at his kitchen table, working on an english essay together.
He tapped his pencil against his notebook erratically, watching as she wrote, unbothered by his annoying habit. He cleared his throat, his brain screaming at him not to ask what he so badly wanted to ask.
“So… how long have you and Jonathan been together?”
She laughed, the inclination both amusing and downright disgusting and looked up at him incredulously. “We’re not together.”
“Oh, ok, I just… you guys spend a lot of time together, so I just-”
“He’s my brother.”
Steve’s eyes narrowed in confusion and he looked at her questioningly. “You guys don’t look-”
“Oh my god, Steve, not literally you idiot.” She laughed and tossed her eraser at him playfully. “I’ve known him forever, he’s like my family.”
“So you two have never…?”
“Fuck no!” She cringed. “It’s always been platonic between us.” She explained and didn’t know why seeing him breathe out, as if in relief, made her stomach clench.
He didn’t understand why he felt relief and he wasn’t about to question it. He didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole.
“Haven’t you had a friend like that? Someone you want to spend all your time with, someone you wanna tell your good news to right away, someone you love without any conditions?”
“Uhh, no.”
She eyed him carefully, noting the sudden shyness that overtook him, a shyness that made him seem embarrassed almost, like he was missing out on something, like there was something wrong with him for never having experienced what she was describing.
“And that definitely doesn’t sound platonic.” He added with a smirk, all traces of his insecurity gone.
She sent him a playful scowl and rolled her eyes.
“Well it is, trust me.” She assured him. “That kind of love, it can definitely become something romantic, but that sure as hell isn’t the case with me and Jonathan. He’s just… he’s one of my favorite people.”
Steve nodded slowly, looking as though he was ruminating over her words carefully, causing her to look at him curiously, wondering what had caused him to look so thoughtful, wondering what had caused that uneasy look in his eyes.
“But, I mean… you have that with Nancy though, right?” She asked slowly, simultaneously cringing at herself in fear of overstepping.
Steve sat up straighter and for a brief moment, as his eyes met hers, he looked like a deer in headlights, trapped and doomed, before he schooled his expression and averted his gaze.
“Yeah, yeah, sure, I think so.”
“You think so?”
Steve hesitated, chewing on his lip nervously before sighing in resignation, looking over at her cautiously.
“That loving without any conditions… I don’t know if we’re there.” He admitted quietly.
“That’s ok. You can get there. You two are still only in highschool. The both of you are going to grow and change as people and your relationship will grow and that unconditional love will grow.” She told him, trying her best to soothe his nerves, regretting having brought it up in the first place. “But if it’s really something you’re worried about you should talk to her about it.”
Steve nodded slowly, her words lingering in his head long after he had left her side. Guilt began to fester inside of him as his head spun with thoughts so confusing he didn’t know what to make of them.
A part of him didn’t want that to grow between him and Nancy. And that scared the shit out of him.
He continued to ignore the feeling and the constant thoughts of her, finding it easier that way. Facing his feelings head on was never one of his strengths and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be any time soon, he made sure of that.
He was almost unaware of the way his eyes would seek her out, he was unaware of how often he smiled around her, he was unaware of just how purely content he was in her presence.
She somehow had a way of making him laugh in situations that usually had him stressed. Tutoring had used to be a contentious, horrible hour of his life every Thursday evening that he would dread every second of, until she became his tutor.
“What’d you get for question 7?”
“X equals 32.”
“What?!” Steve yelled, grabbing her notebook and staring down at it as if it were a valuable ancient script. “I got x equals 5.”
She barked out a laugh, laying down on her bed as she clutched her stomach.
“Shut up.” Steve groaned, tossing her notebook back to her bitterly, though he couldn’t hold back his own smile from growing at the sound of her raucous laughter.
“Sorry, sorry, I just don’t know what the hell you did to make that possible.” She said through her laughter.
Steve’s own laughter became louder and soon their homework was long forgotten as they dissolved into a hysterical fit of laughter that couldn’t be stopped.
After a few minutes, their laughter lightened to soft giggles, the two of them sharing equally delightful smiles. Something shafted between them, their gazes lingering just a little too long, the moment dangerously toeing the line between platonic and romantic just a little too closely.
Her gaze, which had been eagerly taking in every inch of his beautiful face drifted to the clock on the bedside table for a second and the moment was broken in an instant.
“Oh shit, I gotta go. Danny’s picking me up in like ten minutes.” She rushed out as she collected her books and shoved them into her backpack.
Steve’s shoulders deflated at the reminder of her boyfriend. He didn’t like the guy, not one bit. It was clear Danny didn’t like Steve, that he was threatened by their friendship. The fact that he took every opportunity to glare coldly at Steve was telling enough.
“What do you guys have planned for tonight?” He asked casually, hoping the question came off as purely friendly curiosity and not his desire to protect her from the arrogant college douchebag.
“There’s a party on campus.”
“Oh, cool. Sounds fun.” He said with a small smile, wincing at himself for his failed effort to sound excited for her.
As she left, he tried hard not to think too hard about the kiss she’d placed on his cheek in goodbye and why it made his heart beat faster.
And he especially tried hard to not think about what she’d be doing with her boyfriend that night, because every time he did he felt like his heart would drop out of his body.
All of these thoughts of her, thoughts that confused him to no end, weren’t easy to compartmentalize. Even more so after Nancy had stomped on his heart and drunkenly tore their relationship apart.
The night after the party, the night after his relationship ended, he found himself where most could find him, at her side. He was slumped on her bed, staring up at the ceiling mindlessly.
He loved Nancy, at least he thought he did. She was the healthiest and realest relationship he’d ever had. He couldn’t just let go of that. He couldn’t ignore what the past year had meant to him, he didn’t want to throw it away.
But his mind kept returning to her.
Her, his best friend who was dating another man and who most definitely didn’t see him as anything other than a friend.
“What should I do?” He asked her, giving her a helpless look. “I could buy flowers, or chocolates, Nancy likes chocolate, right?” He continued to rant, not noticing the disbelieving look thrown his way.
“And why would you do that?”
“I need to apologize, you know, a grand gesture to sweep her off her feet kind of apology.”
“Steve, why the hell would you apologize? She was the one that called you ‘bullshit’.” She asked, looking at him as if he were crazy.
“I… well, I dunno, I guess I don’t. But I don’t wanna lose her either.”
With a heavy sigh, she leaned towards him, placing her hand over his and he had to force himself not to look in amazement at the touch, forcing his gaze to remain on her face, where he became lost in her sympathetic eyes.
Huh, I never noticed how her eyes looked in the sunlight, he thought to himself, dazed and confused more than ever.
“Steve, you deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love them. You shouldn’t settle for anything less, you don’t deserve anything less.”
Her words broke him out of his daze forcefully and he felt his breath hitch. The only time he had heard what he deserved was his dad yelling at him, berating him, telling him he deserved to stay in this small town, he deserved his shitty job and shitty grades.
He had never been told that he deserved better than what he had.
“But I don’t-”
“No, buts!” She interrupted him passionately and he was struck by how hard she was trying to help him, how much she truly wanted him to be happy.
He couldn’t remember the last time someone had been so vehemently on his side. He had no idea it would feel so damn good.
“If Nancy doesn’t wanna be with you, then she doesn’t wanna be with you. You can’t force those kind of feelings and you shouldn’t have to. Steve, there’s probably a hundred girls in this town alone willing to show you how you deserved to be loved. You just need to find her.
He stared at her as if in a trance.
“Just need to find her.” He repeated her words slowly, his eyes never wavering from hers.
She tried hard not to think of how her stomach flipped under his gaze.
Over the next few days, Steve had been racking his brain, desperately trying to find a way to let her know, to find the courage to tell his best friend that he was crazy about her, that the love he felt for her was something he could no longer deny.
But the universe, as always, had awful timing, and the chaos they endured just a year ago was back in full force.
“Well, this isn’t the Friday I thought I’d be having.” She muttered, her nose crinkled in distaste as she helped Steve shove the dead demo-dog into the Byers’ fridge.
It had been a whirlwind of a week, hell the last hour was enough to have her mind spinning.
Eleven was alive, Will was possessed, the gate was open, and their lives were in danger, yet again.
“Yeah, I second that.” Steve said through his panted breath as they both forcefully slammed the fridge door shut.
Wiping his hands on his jeans and cringing at the mess the creature had left, he looked up at her again, his brows furrowing as he noticed the dull look in her eyes.
“I’m sorry your weekend got messed up, I know you were looking forward to visiting Danny.” He told her, taking a guess as to why she was in such a foul mood.
She let out a bitter sounding laugh and shook her head. “Please don’t say that asshole’s name in my presence.”
Steve looked at her in bewilderment, silently motioning for her to continue, to explain what the hell was going on with her. Despite his elation at the prospect that her douchebag boyfriend was out of the picture, her behavior kept him from jumping for joy just yet.
After a long pause, followed by an even longer heavy sigh, she leaned against the fridge, her eyes falling closed.
“I caught him cheating on me.”
Steve’s face fell, his heart aching for her. He thought his break up with Nancy had been bad, but he was thankful it hadn’t been that bad. He was beyond angry that she had to go through that heartbreak. He moved to stand beside her, leaning against the fridge of horrors, his shoulder brushing against hers.
“Jesus, I'm sorry. He’s… he’s an idiot. He has no idea what he lost.”
She laughed slightly and nudged him. “Yeah, right.”
“Hey, I’m being serious here. You’re a catch and you were way too good for that guy.”
“Steve, stop.”
“Stop what? Telling the truth?”
She looked over at him and a lump grew in her throat when she saw the look on his face, when she realized he hadn’t been joking, that he was telling the god honest truth.
She let out a long breath, blinking rapidly to quell the urge to let those dastardly tears come to her eyes again. She’d wasted enough tears on Danny and she had quickly come to the conclusion that he didn’t deserve a single one of them.
“I just wish there was a way I could get back at him, you know? I wanna humiliate him like he humiliated me.”
“Yeah, I get it.”
She chewed on her lip in contemplation until a reckless idea popped into her head. “Maybe I’ll sleep with his roommate, he was pretty cute.”
Steve choked on his breath and he felt a burning pit of dread settle within him, making him feel sick. It was bad enough to think about her with Danny, but now, picturing her with another college douchebag was making him feel dizzy.
“Uhhh, no, I don’t- that’s probably not- I- that’s not a good idea.” He stammered, floundering for an explanation, desperate to get her mind off of that plan that would tear his heart to pieces.
She smiled lightly, the sight of him so flustered warming her heart. “It’s not?”
“No, I don't think it’s enough.”
“I mean, his english lit professor’s young, I could probably sleep with him too, that’d definitely fuck with him.”
Steve’s eyes widened in horror and he shook his head, his mouth moving but no words escaping him.
“Uhh, no, nope, not what I was suggesting.” He rambled mindlessly, feeling as though he was seconds away from going into cardiac arrest.
“So what do you suggest, since apparently you know everything there is to know about relationships.” She joked sarcastically.
Steve laughed, though it was strained, his mind still racing with horrible thoughts of her tangled up with another man.
“I think, if you really wanna get back at him, you need to show him that you’re happy without him.”
“And how do I do that?”
“I think falling in love with someone, loving someone so unconditionally that you wanna spend every minute of every day with them, that whenever you get good news they’re the only one you think about telling, that you can only picture your days with them, that they’re the one person you wanna see, the one person you think about constantly.” Steve spoke, his voice becoming low as his gaze pierced hers.
He hadn’t even realized he had leaned in until they were practically nose to nose with her
He swallowed against the lump in his throat, forcing himself to not chicken out, and kept his eyes on her.
Her face smoothed out as she stared back at him, almost as if she were in a daze. His words, words that were once her own but were spoken back to her but so much more passionate, with so much more fire than when she had used them, made her feel lightheaded.
“I think that would really show him.” Steve said quietly, his voice almost a whisper, like if he spoke any louder, he’d scare away whatever was happening between them.
“Hey!”
The two of them jumped apart and looked over at Dustin who was looking at them with narrowed eyes, trying to make sense of what he had just walked into.
“If you two are done flirting, we have a problem.”
“Dust- wait, what? What problem?” Steve’s initial urge to scold the teenager faded as he realized there was imminent danger.
Despite the fact that she should’ve been focusing on the present moment, you know, with the fate of the world on the line and everything, all she could think of was Steve, the words he had spoken to her, the way he had looked at her.
She wondered if she hallucinated the entire thing, if she was just reading way too much into the moment and exaggerating what it really was.
There’s no way, she told herself, there’s no way he likes me.
As Billy harassed the group, threatening Lucas, and then beating the shit out of Steve, the valiant hero who tried his best, she couldn’t force herself to focus. Which was for the better, she assured herself, she didn’t want to watch Steve get his ass handed to him and, while she thought of herself as a pretty tough girl, there was no way she was getting in between a fight that involved Billy Hargrove of all people.
It was a whirlwind of chaos as Max handled Billy, effectively knocking him on his ass. If she knew drugging him was an option, she would’ve done that the second that abrasive asshole stepped foot in the house.
Yet, throughout the chaos, her mind never wavered from the way Steve had looked at her in that kitchen, she couldn’t stop thinking about the words he had said to her.
Even as she helped drag him to the backseat of Billy’s car, still thinking the kids’ plan was a horrendous one, she had only agreed because her mind was preoccupied with wondering if Steve had just confessed his love to her.
Get a hold of yourself, she scolded herself.
Even as the group of them trudged through the dark and dismal tunnels of the upside down, her mind refused to cease its incessant worrying. It was most definitely not the ideal situation to be hung up on a potential crush she may or may not have been denying for months.
Her mind was so preoccupied, she hadn’t been paying attention to the dangerous terrain below her. Her foot caught on a vine and she stumbled, about to fall flat on her face when a sturdy arm wound around her waist, holding her upright.
“You ok?” Steve asked breathlessly, looking down at her in concern.
She felt her throat go dry and she nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I'm good.”
She felt as though her brain was short circuiting as they continued to walk, Steve’s arm around her waist never ceasing, keeping her protected at his side.
Their plan had gone off without a hitch, they’d managed to torch the tunnels, successfully distracting the monsters so El had a chance to close the gate and save the world yet again.
As the group ran through the tunnels to get to safety, Steve’s hand remained in hers, pulling her along with him easily.
As they heard the horde of demo-dogs behind them, they all ran faster and she felt Steve’s grip on her hand tighten in fear.
They worked quickly, hauling the kids up the rope in quick succession.
“Go, go, go.” Steve urged, helping Dustin, the last kid of the group to get up, to start climbing.
“Wait, what about you?” Dustin questioned, looking down at them nervously.
“Just go!” Steve urged, pushing him towards the rope.
With all the kids safe and out of the upside down, they both let out equal breaths of relief, both of them feeling as though they had done their job, had protected those kids like they were supposed to. But as the roar of the monsters came closer, she looked to Steve, the both of them realizing at the same time that they had run out of time.
With a shaking breath, she turned to face her demise, watching as the shadows of the demo-dogs raced closer, only mere feet away.
This was it. This was the end.
A gentle touch startled her out of her dark thoughts
“Don’t.” Steve said softly, his hand settling at her cheek and moving her head to avoid looking at the creatures that would cause their demise. “Just look at me.”
The catch in his voice didn’t go unnoticed and she swallowed thickly, looking up at him with watering eyes.
“If I have to die with someone… I’m glad it’s you.” She choked out.
Steve’s expression twisted, looking as though he was pained and he bowed his head, his other hand moving to grip onto her waist. He moved his gaze up to meet hers and his eyes shone with tears.
“If we make it outta this, please don’t hate me.” He whispered reverently and before she had the chance to question just what he meant, his lips crashed onto hers.
Her eyes widened in shock before falling closed in bliss, her heart racing within her chest. He held her so gently yet so desperately, she couldn’t help but fall into him, her chest pressed against his as she kissed him back eagerly.
Her hand, as if without her knowledge, found their way into his hair and the short, needy exhale he gave made her weak in the knees. His grip on her waist tightened, his hand gentle at her cheek as they kissed with a fiery, burning passion, one they could no longer deny.
The moment was broken as she felt a bump at her leg, making her fall into his chest. He wrapped both arms around her protectively, holding her close to him. They watched in awe as the monsters avoided them, racing past them, paying them no mind.
“Holy shit.” She breathed out, her wide eyes locked onto the demo-dogs, her heart racing at how close she had been to accepting her end.
With a shaking breath, she turned her attention to Steve, only to find him already looking at her, his own expression of shock mirroring hers.
“Are you ok?”
She nodded wordlessly and her hands moved to grip onto his arms which were still holding her tightly.
“Are you?”
“Yeah, I think so.” He answered with a huff of tired laughter. “Shit, that was close.”
Suddenly, they heard the kids screaming for them from above.
“Are you two ok?!”
“We’re fine!” She yelled up to them, moving to grab onto the rope to haul herself out of the tunnels, but Steve’s grip on her arm stopped her, making her look back at him.
“Look, what I did… I didn’t- if that made you uncomfortable-”
“Steve,” She interrupted him, a small smile beginning to grow at how nervous he looked. “Shut up.”
With that, Steve was left to watch her scale the rope in a daze, frozen in place. He let out a small laugh and shook his head. Despite his raging nerves, she had a way of putting him at total ease, calming every one of his insecurities.
As he made his way out of the upside down, he found his place at her side, his arm finding its way around her waist again.
“Is it over?” Max asked, eyeing the group nervously.
“I think so.” Steve replied with a smile, feeling as though a weight had been lifted from his chest and he looked over at her again, both of them sharing knowing smirks at the double meaning of the interaction.
Their anxieties were gone, the dance they had done around each other for so long was finally over.
Once it was clear that they had succeeded, once they knew Will was ok, El was ok and the gate was closed, their night of fighting was finally over.
Steve drove all the kids home, leaving the two of them in the car, driving down the empty roads of Hawkins.
There was a nervous energy that surrounded them, unspoken words lingering in the air. Neither one of them knew what to say, both too nervous to break the silence that had grown since Dustin had left the car, leaving them alone.
As Steve pulled up to her house, his expression shifted into one of disappointment, suddenly wondering if tomorrow would be different, if her feelings would be different now that the danger was gone, wondering if their moment was just a moment of weakness fueled by fear.
“So… I know I’ve asked you this like a million times already, but, are you ok?” Steve asked quietly.
She looked over at him, their eyes finally meeting and the warm smile that graced her lips made his heart stutter.
“I’m more than ok.”
He nodded, feeling his palms beginning to sweat, his stomach twisting with nerves.
“Steve,” She called out softly. “Did you mean it?”
He looked confused for a moment before he realized what she was asking. Their moment in the kitchen, the words he had spoken so gently and loving to her.
He swallowed thickly, working up every ounce of courage he had to finally say the words that had been on his tongue for months.
“Of course I did.” He told her softly, his smile growing. “How could I not?”
Her eyes softened and her chest exploded with pleasurable fluttering nerves. She reached over, placing her hand over his and intertwined their fingers, delighted when she heard the breath of relief he exhaled.
“You’ve been it for me for a long time. I was just too stupid to do anything about it.”
His words made her stomach twist in the best way she’d ever experienced.
Steve cleared his throat and looked over at her hesitantly, his nerves in full force.
“So, uhh, I mean, do you… do you feel… I mean, I know this is new and weird, well, not weird, at least for me. I’ve known I’ve liked you for like… I dunno, a while, probably more than I’d like to admit. And you’ve probably only seen me as a friend, but I think the last few months have-”
“Steve.” She said forcefully, cutting off his rant and forcing him to look over at her with wide eyes, his fear evident.
She tightened her grip on his hand and leaned forward, forcing his nervous, cast down gaze to raise, finally meeting her eyes.
“I think I was too stupid to do anything about my feelings too.” She echoed his previous words cheekily.
Steve let out a harsh breath, smiling widely, and he couldn’t help but feel as though he had accomplished a great feat. The pure relief she saw on his face made her heart lighten, as it had more times than she could count around him, a feeling she had finally come to terms with.
With a giggle, she leaned forward and crashed her lips to his.
He responded immediately, deepening the kiss as his hands grabbed onto her eagerly, as if he would die if he didn’t have her close for another second. Months of tension were released as they kissed with a fiery need that they thought would never dissipate.
After a few minutes, Steve pulled away, his brow furrowed and lips swollen as he looked at her intently.
“Wait, so, this means you like me too, right?” He questioned breathlessly and his stomach flipped as she laughed loudly. “What, I’m just checking, I mean, we did just almost die. Emotions are running high. I don’t want you waking up tomorrow morning totally repulsed at the sight of me.”
“Oh my god, Steve, just kiss me, you idiot.” She told him and he was all too happy to oblige.
As he kissed her again, this time softly, more gently than he had before, they both had to fight the smiles that threatened to grow and ruin the kiss.
~~
More Stranger Things fics are coming!
I have an Eddie fic coming out soon to undo the emotional damage of Volume 2 xx
#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington#stranger things#stranger things fanfiction#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington imagine
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-forbidden love-
summary : you and charles are in love but you are not allowed to date...
PAIRING : charles leclerc x fem!reader
WARNINGS : badly translated french
masterlist
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Your love was forbidden.Charles and you have been in love with each other since you were both kids. The love only developed more with the years. You both longed for each other, like kids longed for candy.
Your moms hated each other, so your love was forbidden. Convincing. That was what you did all your life. To convince you moms to let you date each other, but you moms didn't back down.
You tried torturing Arthur, so you could see Charles, but you moms never allowed it. Only if Charles wasn't around, you could come into the house and help Arthur.
Your mom's never allowed you both to be in the same room, because you could have tried to date in secret. But now you were both in the Ferrari motor home, looking at each other.
Feeling the same as you have always felt. You both knew what you felt for each other. Both of you having the same question on your tongue but knowing that the question would never be asked.
Charles looked at you, as if you were the only woman who'll ever exist to him. It was making your heart race, your mind screaming. He reached for you, making your skin tingle when his hand touched your cheek.
It felt like your tongue was tied, because there were also many things you wanted to say to him. But nothing left my lips. Instead, his deep voice filled the space between you.
"Tu es à couper le souffle, mon coeur." You looked at him with big eyes. His dimples made you a beautiful appearance. Beautiful. You are breathtaking, mon coeur.
"We can't be together, char" You whispered. "You know we can't." He simply shook his head at your statement, leaned in closer until his lips brushed your ear, a shudder worked itself in your spine.
"There's nothing that could part me from you. Not a country, not an ocean and especially not our families who believe we cannot be together. Tu m'as volé, mon petit voleur. You have taken my when I wasn't looking. And I beg you, mon amour, don't ever give it back to me." You stole from me, my love.
His voice was low in your ear, it felt like a harmony. He pulled away a little, our eyes connected again. His words toke me by full surprise and made me even more stunned than I already was.
"We can't be together." You repeated yourself hoarsely, your voice seemed to leave you, breaking in the process.
The warm smile he gave you was... comforting. Butterflies somersaults made it into your stomach. "Maybe not at the moment, mon petit voleur" he agreed.
"Mais j’attendrais cent ans pour toi, seulement pour avoir un peu de temps avec toi." But I would wait a hundred years for you, only to have some time with you at all.
He lightly grabbed you by your throat. You sucked in a sharp breath when he had pulled you closer to him, his own breath mingled with your own, what made your head dizzy.
"Let me just have a little taste before I starve to death." He rasped, the words made no sense to you, but then his mouth crashed down onto your lips. And suddenly, everything started to clear itself.
For a moment, everything was perfectly fitting. Every little thing was right. The voices in your head quiet down. And the time seemed to stand still. But every little moment had to stop eventually. Just like this one had.
It left you with a void that should have been filled.
#charles leclerc x reader#formula one#charles leclerc#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc f1#formula 1#f1#f1 fluff#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc ferrari#charles lecrelc#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc oneshot#charles leclerc one shot
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Restoration (Chapter 1)
Finally! Finished the first chapter! It’s also my first official g/t story. Enjoy!
Word count: 3,500
CW: Mentions of Death, Fear, and panic attacks (they don’t actually happen)
1- Nathan
Don’t you wish that sometimes you could reverse time? Whether you never wished to be born, or if you just did something really embarrassing. You want to know what I would do if I could reverse time? Make sure my parents did move away from our little home in the country sooner. We all had loved it. With no loud noises and no people to tell us that we were weird. Just me, my parents, and the most beautiful view of coniferous trees ever. And that was stripped away from us.
We had heard nothing but the dreadful screams and the cackling in the back of our minds. The only glimpse we had of out new home was the wicked smiles of our torturers. The only thing we were allowed to see were bodies being ripped in half. No longer the sight of the maple leaves turning orange during the fall, no longer the sight of a sunset. Nothing. Nothing but a red, bloody void.
Terrible right? How could I describe something you don’t even know? It’s not that hard. Just two words. Human trafficking. Where humans are taken away from our home and forced to make entertainment for beings with no hearts. They didn’t care what happened to anything that was below them in the food chain. That didn’t care how a “lesser” being felt. Because who would want to know about how a seven year old cried about seeing their own dad being ripped in half, huh? Who cared about how many times you’ve broken someone else’s bones? Who cared how much you traumatized a kid who used to have their whole life ahead of them?
That was how I lived more than half of my life. Fearing everything that could and would hurt me. Scared of what would happen the very next day. Scared of the unknown truth that was my life. Even if my mom had kept reassuring me that everything would be okay. Even when my dad was long out of our lives, but never forgotten. Even when she was on the brink of death herself…
Then, there was a glimmer of hope. And all I remembered were gun shots and my mom screaming and dragging me underneath something. Hidden away from the people that were trying to help us. After my mom had finally realized that those people were there to help, she asked me to go out and get them to come help her. I remembered seeing her bloody leg. I remember her tying a piece of string around to stop it from bleeding anymore. And I remember being scared to go. What was I supposed to do? I was just subdued to years and years of torture and all of a sudden I’m supposed to trust the same people that hurt us?
The only reason I gathered up enough courage was because my mother had practically begged me and passed out afterward. I couldn’t leave her there to die like dad. And so what I thought would be our imminent doom yet again, was our hope for surviving. The people here helped get my mom to get better, and fixed up my multiple broken bones and wounds. They sent me to a program that taught basic skills before I could be placed into an actual school. Everything was going great. I had my life ahead of me. Then, the papers forcing my mom and I to transfer to a co-ed city arrived.
Our little utopia was crumbling to the ground. Living in the same city as giants? Hah. No. I’d rather die than be around those monsters again. They’d just hurt us. And for some odd reason, my mom was smiling. Genuinely smiling even after reading the notice. She never looked mad, upset, or even the slightest bit scared. She smiled and cheered that we could have a normal life again. That I could have the childhood I never had.
I admit, I believed this could be a good change as well. I could be around other people my age. Maybe make friends? And so began this great journey of trying to act like nothing had happened. Like my mom and I weren’t just subdued to torture for the last 8 years. No one would know, and no one would care.
Today stated off as any normal day. I got dressed, brushed my teeth, ate breakfast. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the first day I was cleared to go to an actual school. After moving away from the hospital and coming over to the co-ed city, I kind of thought this was a good idea. I mean, who’s to say that it’ll tun out like it did in the country? For all I know I won’t even have to go to school with giants. I could just go to an all human school or something. That’s what I was hoping for on the way here. But, now that my mom and I have been here for nearly a month, I’ve learned that wasn’t the case.
I was going to school with humans and giants. Whether I liked it or not.
My mom tried to reassure me, saying that there were more rules set up in a city rather than in the country. That wasn’t what I was worried about though. I was more worried about what would happen if I was alone. This was a completely new place that I’ve never been to. Who know’s what could happen?
The bus came to pick me up and some other younger kids who were laughing at something on their phones. The atmosphere had completely changed. It was thick, and heavy. Maybe it was because it was early in the morning? Or maybe it was because everyone dreaded the day? I mean it was Monday after all. Whatever was making them look so drained and tired was obviously not good. Making my nerves rise like crazy.
I sat down near the front of the bus, trying to avoid the other kids my age. There was just something about them that had me on edge. It’s not like I didn’t want to to make friends, it’s just that I had to be careful who I place my trust in. Especially when I was going to a school made for people much, much bigger than me.
It was hard to keep my mind off of the fact that I would be walking along with giants again, but unless I wanted to undergo a panic attack on my first day, it was best to just ignore everyone and everything. At least until I could work up the courage to walk without my legs losing balance or without running away. Which will probably happen today. I’d be surprised if I could go three minutes without freaking out.
The school was around a ten minute drive from my house. Plenty of time to really set into perspective where I was going. I checked my phone to make sure I would be able to call my mom in case something went wrong, made sure I had my schedule, and soon enough we were all exiting the bus.
In front of me was a huge building. This was the human entrance to the school. Giants was on the other side so I at least didn’t have to deal with that until later on in the day. Hopefully. Compared to what I was guessing the giant side of the school, the human side was extremely tiny. Overall, the place looked very nice. They had well-kept flowerbeds on the outside with a couple benches outside for I guess when students came here before the doors open.
When you walked into the building, there were lockers lining the walls up until you reached the doorways to the main classes. People were crowding all over, trying to meet up with their friends or just trying to get to class early. It all felt too much for me. I wasn’t used to being around so many people at once and it was really overwhelming me. Meanwhile, I still needed to figure out where the heck my class was in this mess. Somewhere in this hallway hopefully…
After wandering around aimlessly for ten minutes, I finally found the classroom, thankfully in the human school. The only problem was that I had all eyes on me. I was not used to this however. One or two people? I could deal with. But with and entire classroom full? It just made my nerves go all over the place, and of course I didn’t show it at all. Staring at the tiled ground and finding the one empty seat on the far left of the class between two girls who both glared at me like I just interrupted their very important conversation about how their makeup looked. I mean I did, but I was too afraid to apologize now that they already hated me.
Overall, the first half of the day was okay. No one talked to me and I didn’t talk to anyone. Mostly because there were so many whispers and mentions of me that had me thinking they were already talking bad about me. Why was all the attention on me? I was probably the most uninteresting person ever. I even heard someone say that I wasn’t going to last a week in this place, which seemed right if I were being honest.
The bell rang, releasing us for lunch, and I just followed the crowd that started flooding the halls. I wasn’t hungry. At all. It’s just that I don’t know where I’m going in this huge place. The human side of the school looked really small compared the the giants’ side, but it’s really big inside.
The cafeteria was shared between both giants and humans. Why was I barely finding this out now? I had zero idea. It would have been helpful to know that beforehand so I could mentally prepare myself, but now I didn’t have anymore time and I was currently standing right in the middle of the floor searching for a place to hide.
Of course there were human tables nearby, but I had no idea which group of people sat at which. The last thing I needed was for someone to get mad at me over a table. That would be pointless. So, here I was. Definitely not on the human side of the cafeteria, and instead standing right in the middle of a walkway for giants. Can I add on that? I was too frozen in fear to move.
Sure, there were other humans walking along where I was, but they could actually move. I had no idea how they could when people that were as tall as skyscrapers, some even taller, were walking along with them. I don’t get it! Even more odd, humans were going around the giant tables and climbing into something that took them on top.
So this place did have commodities for humans. There apparently were elevators that took you on top of the giant table to human tables on top. That only took me forever to figure out at that moment, but that’s what was going on. So everyone was friends here or something? Well, maybe not everyone since there were other humans sitting on their side.
After taking a good five minutes to gather up my thoughts, I finally was able to walk away from being in the middle of the floor and in a corner table where no one was currently sitting. The farthest table away from the giants. And it seemed like no one was going to sit here anyways. I can’t believe that I didn’t run away. I mean I was just frozen in fear, but that doesn’t count!
Lunch was loud. Mainly because the giant’s voices were so loud and I hated the fact that no one minded but me. These other kids have been here for who knows how long so I was guessing they were just used to it. It made sense in my head.
Th day went on. The second half of my school day was mainly in the giant’s side, which I dreaded, but they made a separate hall to get there. One that avoided being stepped on I was guessing. The classrooms here were huge of course, and they had humans on a separate desk all together. To avoid what you may ask? I had zero idea.
It was going alright until my last period. I had successfully avoided giants all day (To some extent) and then my last period came tumbling down right on top of me. First, there was no desk in the back that had the human-sized ones. Second, humans were taking one of those elevators like at lunch to get on top of a giant’s desk acting like they weren’t just a hundred feet up in the air. Third, but last, the teacher was approaching me. Did I mention she was a giant?
“You must be Nathan! Nice to meet you!” She had greeted, crouching down and holding her hand out. Did… did she want me to shake her hand. Er… finger? Oh heck. My heart was beating fast as I stared at her outstretched hand. Um. What do I do? And suddenly those same eyes came onto me. Peering right through my body. Again, why did all the attention come to me?
I reached out a shaky hand, trying to keep my legs from buckling underneath me, and lightly placed my hand over the tip of her finger as she gently shook it. I gulped, expecting for there to be more, but she smiled softly and sadly at me. What did that mean? Should I be worried? What class was this even? I just read on my paper to come to room 135.
“Hm… now who doesn’t have a human partner?” She turned her head up, looking for any raised hands. I couldn’t see anything. Heck, I could barely even look up. There were still a couple eyes on me, and I couldn’t help but feel the acid from my stomach leave a nasty taste in my mouth. Just a couple more minutes and you can go home. I had to remind myself before the teacher smiled and told me to follow her. I did, just a little ways from her, trying to ignore the stares that were practically stabbing me in the back.
I couldn’t help but hear whispers again. Where was she taking me. Wait let me rephrase that. Who was she taking me to? By the looks of it giants and humans were randomly paired up for some odd reason. On my way to whoever’s desk I was going to, I couldn’t help but dread this. What if I fell off? What if the person who’s desk I’ll be on forgets I’m there and knocks me off? What if they don’t like me? Questions swirled in my head, but I knew I wasn’t going to get answers right now.
The teacher stopped, turned down to me and smiled. Was she waiting for me to do something? Oh wait. Elevator, right. Multiple sets of eyes were on me once again as the elevator slowly went up. Nerves built up inside of me. Anxiety. Heck, maybe even a panic attack. I felt dizzy, but I would survive. There was only thirty minutes left of the day. I could survive. Yeah.
The elevator stopped, opening a little gate to the open desk with a huge journal on it. I gulped, taking my first steps. The first thing I noticed about this guy was that he didn’t look as welcoming as the teacher. He gave me “Quiet Kid” vibes. Not to mention that he was dressed in mostly black.
Replayed in my mind was the sick smirk and laughter coming from my captors. If this guy got ahold of me I would be dead. I was so sure of it that I tasted the vile in my mouth and my knees nearly buckling right from underneath me. But, I couldn’t help but wonder why he was wearing a nervous look on his face instead of the usual sickening grin.
“Ryker, Nathan. Nathan, Ryker. I’m sure you’ll both get along well.” The teacher cheered, heading to the front of the class and taking role call. Leaving all alone with someone who looked like he would rip my body in half. Just great. As soon as I had stepped out of the elevator, I was once again frozen with fear. This time at a much closer radius than I would have preferred. Because now I was definitely in arms reach of him. Not something that I’d like to be near.
My eyes fell to the ground as tears threatened my eyes. Too bad I wasn’t going to let anyone see them. I slowly walked over to the human desk, seeing that it was father from the edge than I had thought and there were railings so it would pretty hard to fall off without actually trying.
The teacher smiled while standing up from her chair, “Welcome to Human and Giant Interactions for those of you who don’t know. I’m Mrs. Kay. Some people are taking this class willingly, or they just need the credit to graduate, but I would still love to get everyone involved and take this class seriously.” She had explained. What. I don’t remember putting this on the extracurricular format. Then again the hospital did say these kinds of classes would benefit for me. So did they really have to put this class on my schedule? Life really did hate me. A lot.
This class went by painfully slow. It was mainly just videos on current events with humans and giants, and then Mrs. Kay asking us questions to which only the people on the front desks had answered. Not that I even wanted to answer a question like that. But it was mostly hard to focus when you had someone who could very easily push me off the side of the desk without even trying. I mean, I never once looked behind me the entire class period. Only hearing him flip pages in his notebook from taking notes like everyone else in the room.
One other thing I had noticed was that rarely anyone had talked. For a class that was supposed to bring humans and giants together, it really didn’t seem like it. Then again, I had no idea wha they really did in this class. Maybe she just doesn’t like talking? Or people didn’t want to get in trouble or something? They were too tired? That would make the most since it was the end of the day.
It felt like forever before the final bell had rang. I rushed down that stupid elevator thingy and hurried out the doors to the bus stop so I wouldn’t have to dread this until tomorrow morning all over again.
My mom was still at work, so I just cooked some dinner for myself, made her a plate and stuffed it in the fridge and went to my room. This was going to hard to get through, but if my mom thinks it’ll help then I believe her. I mean, what other choice did I have?
As soon as I heard the front door open, I saw my mom sighing while putting up her purse. I walked to the kitchen to heat up her dinner, earning a quiet chuckle form her. It sort of made me sad to think that she’ll never smile the same way again. Heck, she can’t even stand it when people touch her after what had happened. But at least we’re both still alive.
“Smells amazing Nate.” She complimented, using her same soft and broken voice. She grabbed one of the plastic plates from the cabinet and getting herself a cup of tea.
“How was school?”
What was I even supposed to say to her? That it was terrifying every second? That I barely even survived the day without going under a panic attack? I couldn’t tell her that. She’d be so worried about me she wouldn’t worry about herself. I couldn’t do that to my mom.
“It was good.” I put on my best fake smile and made her plate.
“That’s good. There were no troubles?”
“None so far.”
“Thank you for doing this Nate. I just want you to have a normal childhood. I couldn’t have you at that hospital any longer.” She sadly explained, planting a soft kiss on my cheek.
“I know mom. I’ll be fine.”
She gave me a warm smile before taking her plate and sitting on the couch with the tv on. She didn’t need to know that I was practically forcing myself to even be around other people. It would put too much stress on her. For now, I’ll just force myself to endure whatever decides to throw itself at me.
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And first chapter officially done. To be honest I wrote this just for the fun of it. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually make this a series instead of abandoning it? Don’t know.
#g/t#G/t writing#g/t angst#g/t fearplay#Oc: Nathan#Oc: Ryker#Restoration#my oc’s#Gt#sfw g/t#giant/tiny
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***There will be spoilers for the Teen Wolf Movie below. Because I, like an idiot, actually watched the damn thing.***
Everything wrong with Teen Wolf: The Movie
• Eli's Mother plothole. Who is she? Idfk. Personally, I want it to be Braeden. He was born somewhere around the s3b/s4 mark as the movie is 13 years after s6.
• I'm not a Sterek person. I was actually extremely (still kinda am) against Sterek for a very long time. But this movie? I'm questioning a lot of things. What are the complicated feelings, Derek? Hmm? Oh wait, that's right. He can't answer me because he's fucking dead.
• While we're on the topic. Why, Jeff? Why. Not only did he die of fire (like the rest of his fucking family), but he died in front of his son. Derek Hale allowed his son to watch him die. I'm not saying Derek wouldn't die for Eli (because he absolutely would), but to traumatize him like that? No. The man who was kidnapped, tortured, groomed, sexually assaulted at 15, forced to kill the girl he loved, whose family was burned inside their own home by the woman who molested him... was killed off by burning him with hellfire.
• NOBODY making a move to stop Derek from sacrificing himself in the first place? Scott just stared. Stood there. Did nothing. Wtf? Even though Jordan could've just held Void himself, like, dude. You're a Hellhound. He's a werewolf/demon thing. You were destined to kill bigger.
• Derek allowed Scott to take in Eli? Excuse? The man who hates being a werewolf and his 17(?) year old 10th grade girlfriend who died before Eli was born, and who just so happens to be related to the woman who molested him and murdered his family? Yeah, no. Why not his perfectly capable(sorta) and healthy(physically, not mentally) uncle, cousin and sister. Or at least his Grandpa Noah, Grandma Melissa or Uncle Chris. (I'm a Peter/Chris person. Sue me.). These people have been in Beacon Hills and has known him his entire life. Scott met him once when he was three.
• What happened to Stydia? Like, you can't tell me Stiles just allowed her to walk out that door without talking in some way? He loved her for fucks sake.
• Jordan and Malia? I'm not saying it's bad. It's not, I actually kinda like it. But where did it come from? No buildup whatsoever. Just BOOM sex scene.
• Liam gets like, 5 mins screen time. Despite preparing to take on the role of Alpha in s6, he's like a side character put there just to be there. He slayed those 5 minutes tho holy shit.
• Liam doesn't say a single word to Mason. Mason doesn't say a single word to Liam. Why? They were best friends and had this seemingly unbreakable bond in the show but now it's like mom and dad are fighting and don't acknowledge each others existence.
• Speaking of Mason, why is he (a gay black man) a cop? This could've been interpreted as either good or bad depending on how you personally want to take it, but during the time this movie was in production, the BLM movement was still pretty big.
• It's an entire game of 'Where's Waldo' but instead of Waldo actually being there, Waldo is both a giant motherfucking plothole and multiple people. Where is Corey? Where is Theo? Where is Cora? Where is Braeden? Where is Kira? Where is Isaac? WHERE. IS. STILES?
• On the Isaac and Stiles Topic, they're the two that should've been there. Isaac had the Nogitsune at the end of season 3, and took it with him to France. Why do Hikari and Liam have it in FUCKING JAPAN? How'd it get there? Why do they have it? What happened to Isaac?
• Stiles. Where is he. You're telling me that the one person who probably knew the Nogitsune more than it knew itself, wasn't at the battle. You're telling me that Stiles, the one person able to out-fox a fucking fox on multiple occasions when he was FUCKING 17 wasn't there? In all his F.B.I. glory? Because ehe could've had Cora, Braeden, Isaac and Kira in tow, and showed up in the final battle guns blazing, killing the Nogitsune, and saving his pack in his tactical F.B.I vest fresh off a secret important case like sorry I'm late, had shit to do? Then Eli could've met his father's beta, his (possible, cause I love Derek and Braeden) mother, AND the badass F.B.I. guy whose jeep he steals 24/7 and had saved his father on multiple occasions? (Bcus it's confirmed Derek talks about Stiles to Eli) And a cutesy pack scene to finish it off? (With maybe some Stira, Stisaac and/or Stora cause he showed up with them and could be dating one (or all) of them)
• Each antagonist of the movie has (or at least a reason to have) a vendetta against Stiles. We know all about the Nogitsune. Harris hated Stiles' guts, albeit for no particular reason. Even Allison could've blamed Stiles for her death in some way (not that she would, of course.) It reads as though it was written for DOB but when he didn't want to do it, they decided not to rewrite it as such.
• Why Mr. Harris in the first place-? Like, he was one of the sacrifices in S3A, so surely the NEMETON would've known he didn't actually die. And the fact that he still has beef with them just blows my mind :/
《I'll add more as I think of them》
#teen wolf movie#derek hale#eli hale#stiles stilinski#noah stilinski#sheriff stilinski#scott mccall#allison argent#mason hewitt#corey bryant#jordan parrish#malia hale#malia tate#peter hale#chris argent#melissa mccall#petopher#stisaac#stora#stira#sterek#i dont ship it but its mentioned#theo raeken#thiam#hikari#hikari zhang
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I Rewatched Loki for Reasons
I rewatched the entirety of the Loki show, because I have a week of an unpaid break for Thanksgiving. I did this for a reason, and not just because I have no life (though that’s part of it). You will discover this (rather unhinged) reason tomorrow. Today, we’re gonna talk about things I missed, because I don’t know how to write a retrospective and Google didn’t help me, so this is the best I can do. So enjoy! (Spoilers for all of Loki)
Season 1, Episode 1
The very first time we see Mobius he stops a hunter from pruning a child. And then he’s kind to the child. We see his personality and we also see something that becomes a recurring theme in the series: he has a soft spot for children.
The “scared little boy shivering in the cold” line (which is actually the option of Mobius’s motivation Loki takes as the truth, and also the one I accept).
His sons (I have a problem with how he acts at work about them, but every other time he talks about them or interacts with them he does show he cares about them)
The boy at the Black Sea he couldn’t prune
The fact that a Loki specialist is noticeably absent from an arrest of a Loki when his partner leads the charge, so he should have been there (Sylvie’s arrest)
Still annoyed Loki didn’t correct Mobius in the finale when Mobius credited Renslayer for getting Loki off. He tells Mobius in 2x05 that Mobius saved his life. I think even though it’s the end, even though Mobius isn’t gonna remember this interaction, it would’ve been important to Loki that he knows that he did that, not Renslayer. Loki remembers everything, Loki remembers how that went down, he knows it was Mobius and has already told Mobius so once. He would do it again.
I think this changes in episode 2, but Mobius never uses pronouns for Sylvie. Other hunters and Loki assume he/him, but Mobius only refers to Sylvie as a Loki variant.
Season 1, Episode 2
Damn, okay, keep showing off that eidetic memory, Loki.
C’mon Mobius, why did you have to immediately start assuming male pronouns for Sylvie like everyone else? I liked that you didn’t do that in the last episode.
Loki talks about getting his magic back this episode, and then uses it twice: to dry himself and to summon something to use as a weapon: Weak.
Season 1, Episode 3
Loki and Sylvie have got such great sibling rivalry energy. I love every time they interact when I’m not scared they’re gonna kiss.
I maintain that the expression Loki makes and his noncommittal grunt in answer to Sylvie’s “real” implies that there was something, however brief, that felt real to him or that he wanted to be real. Given we never see any relationships in the movies, and that Where Mischief Lies is supposed to be a prequel to the MCU, I still think he thinks of Theo here (and maybe even Amora).
Why did Loki get drunk on the train? Sylvie makes him talk about his mom, whom he hasn’t seen in over a year. He remembers Mobius telling him that he causes her death, and that he can never see her again anyway. He was reminded of Theo, so he’s also got that centuries-old guilt rattling around in his brain again, and he’s starting to think he might be falling for himself which is insane for so many reasons. And he’s just got done being tortured for a year, so he’s not exactly in the best headspace to work through any emotions in a healthy manner.
Season 1, Episode 4
The hair flips are way more extensive than I remember them.
Season 1, Episode 5
Wait, so Renslayer doesn’t remember He Who Remains, she didn’t know the Timekeepers were fake, she doesn’t know she’s a variant, but she knows about the void? Did Mobius know about the void? So even though pruning hurt, he knew he wasn’t being killed?
Thunder rumbles in the void, and Loki looks up again. He’s still looking for Thor.
Kid Loki: “Whenever one of us dares try to fix themselves they’re sent here to die.” You didn’t kill Thor. Not a fucking chance. I was right!!
They literally said Loki knows enchantment magic when they enchant Alioth. “Because we’re the same,” Sylvie says. So why the fuck does Loki never have a chance to do it himself in season 2?
Season 1, Episode 6
Mobius was pruned before they found out the Timekeepers were fake (and I’m watching this episode about 18 hours after the last and I don’t have an eidetic memory like Loki, so forgive me if I’ve forgotten something), and we don’t see Mobius and Sylvie talk about that in the car, nor do Sylvie and Loki fill him in on that after so Mobius and Sylvie must have talked off screen. What else did they talk about???
The interaction between Renslayer and Mobius in this episode carries such a different weight knowing the mission that eventually took both of them off the beat cop path and more or less out of the field.
So no one told me to stop talking about biblical imagery, but for some reason I’m trying to resist. But sorry I can’t help myself, even though this was probably pointed out by countless analyzers when it came out two years ago. He Who Remains keeps tongue in cheek referring to himself as the devil, and then he first shows up eating a fucking apple, which has been primarily accepted as the Forbidden Fruit (it isn’t really. In the Bible it isn’t specified which fruit it is).
So Sylvie was right, in a way. He Who Remains is lying here. He knows this isn’t the end when she kills him, though he never actually plans for Timely to replace him like we speculated. Timely was just meant to be the tool to get Loki back to this moment, to (by He Who Remains’s hope) kill Sylvie and save him, so he can survive to control the timeline another day. He also manages to predict how the series ends, by proposing that Loki (and Sylvie) take over for him. He certainly doesn’t intend for Loki to go about it the way that he does, I don’t think, but he’s essentially not wrong. Loki does take over custodianship of the timeline(s) after He Who Remains.
At this point, I’m with Sylvie, I think the “threshold” is bullshit. I think what people figured out about it coinciding with WandaVision (and I don’t know if Marvel commented on that since) is legit, but I think he uses it as an excuse. He knows Sylvie is gonna try to kill him and Loki is gonna try to stop her and Sylvie is gonna use the TemPad to send him away. He places the TemPad in the perfect location for her to use, under the guise of doing it to symbolize offering them the mantle. But it’s a ruse. It’s where Sylvie can reach it to send Loki away. I think when she says he’s lying she’s also referring to him doing this to hold off his variants and another multiversal war, and in that respect I think she’s wrong. I mean, we’ve essentially gotten proof that she’s wrong. But he does know what’s happening.
And that’s the image and Mobius’s parting words they left us with for 2 fucking years.
Season 2, Episode 1
I still don’t understand why it never gets explained how OB remembers meeting Loki in the past but Mobius, Casey, and Verity (I will never let this Easter egg about B-15’s backstory go) don’t.
I’m coming off of season 1 (obviously) and before that, two watches of episode 6. I forgot how fucking painful the slipping is for him in this episode. Loki screams in agony every fucking time. Jesus.
Like, I know I’m a fool. But Mobius already thinks he’s into Sylvie, so he wouldn’t be that shocked to hear they kissed. So why does Loki just skip over that detail? Could it be that even in his frantic sense of panic, Loki knows that if he mentions a kiss it’ll completely derail Mobius and he’ll never let it go?
The end of this episode, with Loki almost being separated and Mobius being able to do nothing about it is such painful foreshadowing UGH.
Season 2, Episode 2
Why does Loki always insist on popping his collar? Mobius didn’t teach him that. Why does he think that’s cool/obnoxious? Did Mobius make an annoyed comment offscreen in season 1 and now he just does it to annoy him on purpose?
Season 2, Episode 3
I love this version of the show theme, slower and deeper.
Season 2, Episode 4
I want more clever teamwork with magic from Sylvie and Loki like when they jump Brad. Every time I watch it it makes me giddy.
In episode 6, when Loki tells Timely what to do, he does all of OB’s gestures exactly the same. Can someone please just state outright that my boi has an eidetic memory already?
Season 2, Episode 5
Loki steps into the door of Piranha Powersports (and he’s already seen Mobius/Don through the window, so he knows he’s here), takes one look at Mobius/Don, hears two words in his voice, and even though the camera is across the room, you can see the actual sigh of relief he lets out. Mobius is here, he’s finally back with Mobius, Mobius is okay, everything is all right now.
OB wants to quit teaching and write full time. The! Dream! (I mean, I haven’t had an idea for original characters since I was in college and I don’t have the patience to write anything longer than 3k words most of the time, but still. Fucking ideal)
Me: I love how Loki is always so calm and patient with OB.
Meanwhile, Loki: *strongly considers zapping OB back after they do it to him to try to jumpstart the time slipping*
Also OB, Loki is used to getting electrocuted. I bet that barely hurt, like how getting shanked is just a Tuesday afternoon for Thor at this point.
Did I start crying when he said “I can rewrite the story,” even though I’ve seen this episode 3 times now? Maybe.
Season 2, Episode 6
No! Why the fuck is the next episode screen the shot of Mobius and Sylvie looking through the door in horror as Loki steps out towards the Loom?! That’s not fucking fair! It’s fucking upsetting is what it is.
Has anyone stopped to wonder why this launcher even exists at the end of the gangway? Or why there’s a gangway out to the loom to begin with? I’m not even talking about the fact that the loom was always meant to explode if it got overloaded and reset the TVA. I mean even before they learned that, there was never supposed to be more than one timeline passing through the loom anyway. The branches were always meant to be pruned well before it got to this point.
Why yes, “Ascension” did make me cry again. I blame Hiddleston for introducing me to redemptive arcs in classical pieces. Because this track has it and that’s the moment I start sobbing.
If you’re still here, thank you. I can’t believe I still have thoughts about this series. I will leave you with this.
Favorite Episodes
Season 1: Episode 5: Journey Into Mystery
Season 2: Episode 3: 1893
And I will see you tomorrow for some unhinged shit which was the real reason I watched the whole show again. Maybe strap in now?
#loki#loki tv show#loki season 2#loki theories#sylvie laufeydottir#loki season 2 spoilers#mobius m mobius#lokius#loki season 1#Loki season 1 spoilers
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I. VOID .I
Xavier Thorpe x O.C
*All copy rights go to the creators of Wednesday, and the music to Melanie Martinez. Those are their's to claim they just helped inspire me.* Also this has an Original Character and OC family.* SMUT. 18+. MINORS DNI.
Warnings: Smut, unprotected P in V (don’t be silly wrap your willy), touch of being insecure/chubby, I’m sure there’s more but that’s the gist of what I can think of.
“So strange
I'm tryin' to find the doorway
My eyes are starin' at me
And they seem so damn unhappy..”
“Don’t stop” I gasp out while Xavier pulls my hair and pounds into me from behind. I can feel him squeezing my plush hips while he juts into me at an inhuman pace. “Do you like how I fill you up? How I stretch you out?” He huffs, blowing at a piece of hair that’s fallen out of his bun. I clench around him, taking his energy and using it to feed the ache and hunger that is never-ending in my core.
“Xavier I can’t” I moan, not being able to take the constant feel of his cock kissing my g-spot, the feeling of his hands rubbing my neck while pulling on my pony tail, the overwhelming scent of him. “You can, and you will Ophelia” he moans. I use his moment of weakness against him, and flip our position. I lay him flat on my bed while I straddle him. I can feel him in my stomach when I start to rock my hips against his pelvis. “Ophelia, wait no I’m going to cum” he whines out. I reach forward and lick a strip up his neck, my forked tongue tickling the sensitive spot behind his ear. He reaches up and grabs at my stomach, a moment of insecurity hits me, I’ve never had a body like this, round and plush. But I remind myself that I am what he views as his perfect girl, so I swallow my thoughts and clench down on him. “Baby where do you want me to cum?” He starts to lose his rhythm and I can feel he’s close, “inside me” I whisper seductively into his ear. “Fuck me, babe I’m - Ophelia baby I’m cumming.” He moans out, once last thrust and he’s shooting his load into me, while I clench down on him. I feel my own climax begin to wash over me, the constant pressure on my clit from his hip bones, him hitting in me perfectly becomes too much, letting myself go I see stars as I orgasm. He cries out as I milked him for all I could, hoping to ease my hunger for at least the next day, and I collapse beside him, curling into his chest and allowing myself to fall sleep.
I wake up the next morning drenched in sweat and sticky with my own arousal. Wet dreams about the tortured artist I met the night before fuelling my intense need to feed. I begin to stretch and wipe my eyes while yawning.
Knowing my mother wants to talk today about rules, and go over some things that have changed since our last rebirth, I prepare to get ready. Walking to the bathroom, I comb out my wavy hair, and begin to wash my face. I brush my teeth and head to the closet to pick out my outfit for the day. I settle on a pair of black high waisted mom jeans, a black V-neck long sleeve that’s form fitting and a pair of black slip on vans. Once dressed, I spray myself down with perfume.
Walking down the spiral staircase I have a pep in my step as I enter the kitchen area. “Good morning beautiful girl, how was your first nights sleep?” My mom greets me, kissing my forehead. “Really well, I need to feed after the night I’ve had though” I let out a giggle and grab an apple. Sitting down at the bar seats my mom looks at me and frowns, “sweetie when you’re ready we can have our chat. Until then, maybe go change? I think you might be a bit too big for that shirt.” Looking down I frown myself, wondering what she’s referring to. Yes I’m certainly more curvy and vivacious than my previous lives, but the form fitting long sleeve hugs my curves, shows off my large chest and pairs perfectly with my jeans. “Im good mom, I feel comfortable in this, but let’s go have that talk. You’re starting to make me anxious” I let out a weak laugh and walk towards the living room, where I notice my father in front of the fire place, poking at the already burning wooden logs. “Good morning daddy!” I exclaim going to give a hug, only to be met with a slow step back and a tight grin.
Frowning I look down and sit, awaiting for someone to break the awkward silence and start the oh-so important conversation. “Well hunny, we have some rules we need to go over, and some things to touch on. This life time is different than the last, there’s technology beyond what we could’ve ever imagined, and us outcasts aren’t as shunned as we were before. Your father and I have spoken and we have agreed on the following” my mom shifts in her seat, nervously running the palm of her hands across her black fitting dress.
“Rule number one, there is a school here for outcasts, you have been enrolled and will start with the rest of your class on the 9th.” She nods and continues, “ Second rule, being that you will be living on campus amongst your fellow outcasts, your father and I are ready to live as a couple again, not parents.” She says firmly, My eyebrows tense as I go to speak, she holds her hand up as if to shush me, “third rule, we don’t want to know when, if, how, who and where you feed. Your father and I are wanting a break from the constant complaining of being hungry, and having to be around to hear you feed on poor young men and women.” She frowns while looking down. I look down at my hands, feeling ashamed for who and what I am for the first time ever. I sniffle, and hold back the tears brimming my eyes and nod at her to continue. To my surprise it’s my dad who speaks next, “Hunny we love you, but it’s time you start to learn to be independent and find your own crowd you can fit in with. We have gone ahead and got you a phone, and we will assist in your packing today, you leave this afternoon for school. We have spoken to your principal, and you have been assigned a private room due to your unique, feeding habits.” He smiles while placing his hand on my knee, as if to comfort me.
Standing up and straightening my shirt, I head towards the stairs to gather my things. Never have my parents thrown me away like trash, they don’t even seem worried that Evan hasn’t rebirthed yet. As I jog up the stairs, my chest bouncing while i do so, I head into my room and slam my door. I guess on the bright side, I only had one night with my new set up, meaning I didn’t become too attached to what I thought could be permeant. I begin throwing my things into piles to sort through in bags and boxes, I hear foot steps coming up the stairs and I stiffen, truly not wanting to even face my family right now.
“Here beautiful, these are the spare boxes from when we moved here. Let me know if you need any help” my mom says lightly, placing the few boxes onto the ground of my room. I nod and don’t respond, beginning to throw my items into the boxes not really caring how messy everything is. What feels like days, but in reality is only an hour and a half, I have completed my packing, and head downstairs with some of my boxes. “I’m ready, can you please grab the last few boxes” I say with a slight sass to my voice. Nodding my dad pulls out a set of car keys and unlocks the car. I walk outside and begin to put my items into the modernized hearse.
-2 hours later-
“Goodbye baby girl, we love you.” My mother waves near the hearse, I turn and glare, grabbing my last box to take to my room. My new room isn’t small, but it’s not like the beautifully decorated room my parents had made me for seemingly no reason.
I look around and begin to figure out what decor can go where, what clothes to be hung and to be folded, and where to place my shoes.
After finishing my room, and placing my new uniform on a hanger in my closet to prevent wrinkles, I begin my hunt to find the cafeteria. Wandering the halls of this beautiful castle disguised as a school, I begin to see fellow outcasts, faceless people, sirens, wolves, and those who appear to be in all accounts, ‘normal’.
As I walk around the halls, I begin to follow a slew of hushed whispers and end up in the centre of the quad, to see tons of outcasts chatting, eating and enjoying themselves. I feel my cheeks heat up, as my horns become the focal point of everyones attention. I straighten my posture and walk with a feign confidence to retrieve a plate of poorly made pork chops and what appears to be mashed potatoes. Wincing I grab a bottle of water and head towards an empty table near the trash can. I pull out my new phone and begin to try and figure out how to use it. A little while later, I learned and had finished setting up. Noticing my parents had placed their numbers in my phone along with the number to the therapist in town. I place my phone down, losing my small appetite and stand up readying to throw out my so called ‘dinner’.
As I turn to place my tray on the cart where it belongs, I’m face to face, well face to chest with the tall long haired boy from the small shed in the woods. “We meet again, hopefully this time I can catch your name.” He smirks. Instantly the heat in my core intensifies as I realize it’s Xavier, the one from my dream. I smile up at him, allowing my fangs and horns to peak, “Well, hello handsome, I’m Ophelia, it’s nice to see a familiar face around” I shrug my shoulders and bat my lashes up at him.
‘Oh this is going to be fun’ I think to myself, he smiles down at me, his beautiful green eyes hold something mischievous behind them. “I’m glad to see you here, do you want a tour?” He says confidently. Nodding eagerly I move my arms as if to say ‘lead the way’.
#xavier thrope x reader#xavier thorpe x reader#xavier thorpe#dark xavier thorpe#xavier thorpe imagine
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I just got in trouble
I just can't take it anymore. My mom and sister found out about all these my transness again and my grandma too they r literally making this hell for me rn.
NOW I AM GONNA TALK
How am I supposed to focus on "relaxing" with all these huh?
After the curse shit @lotusmi told me thats its all in my head and all and its not possible and shit but this just got real hell for me.
Yall told me to take a break
I took
Yall told me to tap into the state of being
I did
Yall told me to ignore circumstances
I did, but the shit that happened today? how tf can I ignore it huh? what should I do? come out as trans again? and get kicked out of the house again?
"I can't manifest for you"
I will for myself but you r a selfish pathetic motherfucker. Why do I have to see this day again and again every year why? yall stfu literally stfu.
Psycho fucking bitchass motherfucking shit
Now tell me @asteriaas-stuffs curse isn't real. Idc if she did anything or not but I am basically fucked.
2020 then 2022 and now in 2023 I m going to terrible things because of my gender.
I always thought of the void as easy but again I m seeing all these emotional blackmail, torture and abuse.
NOW DON'T COME HERE AND TELL ME "I KNOW HOW IT FEELS, I WAS FROM AN ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD TOO" JUST DON'T CUZ I DON'T WANT YOUR SYMPATHY BUT IF YOU SHOWED A LITTLE BIT OF EMPATHY.
I don't know what's gonna happen tonight. Yall may never see me again as I was soo dramatic and toxic.
FUCKKK
FUCKED UP THIS IS
And thanks to all of you who texted me and said they went to the void and manifested a bad life for me. Fuck you because you haven't even entered the void.
I don't have limiting beliefs. So stfu.
Ik people have bad circumstances but I m not gonna listen to your whole ass paragraph of your past
NOW THERE'S NO USE IF YOU WANT TO HELP ME BECAUSE TONIGHT I AM GONNA GET FUCKED AGAIN.
#loa#loass#voidstate#void state#void tumblr#myspiritualityisnotyourdrama#law of assumption#living in the end#manifesting#subliminals#toxic#self concept#empathy#sympathy
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Hi! If Terry isn't El's mom, why did she show her Kali, who can literally make people see what she wants? Was it a way to trick El, a trap like Mike says in the void?
I don't know if El can trust Kali. I wonder what her role is. If she used or they made her use her powers to hide the truth or create fake memories...
Great question! And yes, you pretty much nailed it, but I'll try to explain it further because it's a little more complicated than that...
As you know, I already talked about this here, but basically for those who don't know or just want a simple refresher, I was speculating about the fact that Terry is probably not El's mom.
HEAR ME OUT!
This is not something I've always believed, nor even easily believed when evidence was presented to me. And so I completely understand not wanting to associate with this sort of claim. Instead, the instinct is to be like, What? No way!! I know, because I had that same reaction, and it took @shippingfangirl013 hammering the obvious it in my head for me to come around. It took me actually rewatching those scenes and thinking about them logically, beyond what was being presented on the surface, and now I'm fairly confident that Terry is not El's mom.
This is for the simple fact that the way they frame Terry and El's scenes and how their relationship develops over time, doesn't make sense if she is in fact her mom.
Just because El grew up in the lab and presumably wasn't raised by Terry, doesn't mean she can't be in her life at all now? Just because Terry is in a vegetative state, doesn't mean she can't be in her life at all now either? Simply being around her mother would be something that the audience would want to see so that there's closure in Terry getting to have her daughter back in her life any way she can, and vise versa for El as well.
This isn't to say El doesn't believe that Terry is her mom, or that she doesn't want a relationship with her, hence why she never visits her again, bc El's obviously a child and has been running from the government ever since. And so she can't really live the life she truly wants. I believe if given the opportunity, El would try to see her mom occasionally, even just to spend time around her and in each others company. Hell, even just to see her aunt bc that's her family, right? Terry's baby was taken away from her and I think it would make sense to keep that relationship in a way that would feel satisfying instead of sort of treated like an easter egg session speed-round, even to this day?
And yet, this is a fabricated story, which means that all the choices they make within the narrative are for a reason.
El only meets Terry once, and what she is met with is someone who is trying to send her a message.
It's not about her finding out Terry is her mom and that's that, there's something else to it.
And we know there's something else to it, because these cryptic ass visions keep coming back, with slight differences each time. El continues being bombarded with flashbacks of what Terry showed her, all the way up to 4x09 (I made a post about this recently here!), two seasons later and with her not even having seen her mother since.
Again, I understand the doubt bc the trauma and torture Terry presumably went through, and I'm not saying I understand all the ins and outs of that, but I'll get to that part later.
Please PLEASE trust me when I say, that I know this is hard to believe. I know there's probably an instinct to look away bc a big part of us even more so don't want to believe this, but TRUST ME! It makes so much sense once you look closer, so please keep reading if you want to understand!
Why I think this theory makes more sense than what the audience assumes, is because upon seeing Terry in the void, El literally says, "Mama? It's me. Jane. I'm home." And in response, Terry says, "No", followed by grabbing El's arm and showing her a series of images.
If Terry is El's mom, what would warrant that sort of response? Bc correct me if i'm wrong, but what is literally happening here is El calling Terry her mother and therefore Terry her home (her family), only for Terry to counter that with the epitome of a negative response, rejecting it essentially? And again, directly followed by her trying to send El a message?
The real kicker about this moment is that it KEEPS coming back.
They literally open 2x07 The Lost Sister with this exact moment from El meeting Terry, accompanied by a pitch black screen...
Why? Why do that? Why are we just blatantly accepting this is El's mom when Terry is arguably trying to send a message that isn't the case? And even if the truth was that Terry is El's mom, why frame it this way, as if there are missing pieces and arguably false truths and then bring it back again and again and again, while there are these other characters being hinted at subtly in the subtext as El's true family? I don't think they would keep bringing up these visions from Terry, starting with her rejecting El's claim that she is her home, if it was because she was just her mother like it was presented to us already in s2.? Why keep rehashing it at all then, and cryptically at that?
Which then brings us to the rest of 2x07, and the original subject for your ask (sorry for sidetracking, but it's important to understand for what follows).
This episode is hated by a LOT of fans, which is crazy bc it could very well be a lot more complex than everyone gives it credit for.
As you said, Kali (008) powers involve her ability to make people invisible and she can also make people see things happening that aren't actually happening in the physical world.
We even see near the end of the episode, Kali showing El a vision of Brenner, who is obviously not there with them, but bc of her powers, she could make her see that... and therefore, arguably, she could make El see anything, right (maybe even Kali herself)?
I also find this shot and Kali's blocking in the frame to be interesting, considering the opening of 2x07 and Terry's identical cryptic one line in response to El in regards to Terry being her home:
Also you mentioned an important detail, which is this episode ending with El seeing Mike in the void, saying "It's a trap! It's a trap!" Which yes, within the context of everything else weird going on here, almost makes you wonder if Mike's line had double meaning (it almost always does in ST case)?
And so what does this mean? I think there are a couple possibilities.
I think Henry/Vecna could have motivated/pushed Kali to make El see/not see certain things, and so that's why we see this repetition of Kali in flashbacks, in s2-3 with her juxtaposed with flashbacks of Terry and the rainbow room, and in s4 with her juxtaposed symbolically with the 8 ball in all the massacre flashbacks.
This essentially means memories and certain things that have happened based on flashbacks/visions, might not have happened the way we think they did because they've been tampered with.
It's also possible that Kali doesn't even exist? Or maybe she did, but just like all the other lab kids, Henry killed her and gained her powers and was able to kind of have this paradox of rewriting the events to work in his favor (especially if he got his hands on time powers...)?
The flashback El has in s3 at the cabin is actually insane because, within the context of Kali being able to make someone invisible or to make people see things that aren't actually happening in the physical world, makes me wonder what she could have perhaps made us see/not see in the rainbow room on that day...?
Hmm... I wonder...
Anything catch your eye?
Here let me help, these are the shots repeated more than once during this flashback. I don't know what all of it means, BUT there's at least two shots in particular that catch my eye...
Two shots of infant El being born + two shots of young El in rainbow room AKA WILLEL TWINS YOUR HONOR
And then you have Kali there, sporadically thrown in throughout... who can make people invisible/make someone see things that aren't actually happening in reality...
TBH, I'm still not certain about Kali at the moment. We'll have to wait to see what they do in s5 in terms of her in general. Because The Lost Sister is so over-hated, that I fear that whatever they had originally planned might have shifted? Who knows if that's for better or for worse. And so for now at least, I do feel like it's hard to guess for certain bc of other factors contributing to this outside of the show itself.
When it comes to Terry and her scenes on the show, I think there's actually evidence that she is more connected to Brenner than we realize. That picture of her walking side by side with Brenner outside of Hawkins Lab looked arguably colleague-ish? The fact that she has books on Bonsai trees beside her, like the most focused on prop near her in the scenes we get featuring her, and Brenner is notably opening s4 cutting a bonsai tree? The fact that they give her the name 'Mama', essentially the equal name to 'Papa'? Is it possible that Terry was somewhat in kahoots with Brenner, but went rogue, basically warranting the government (Brenner) to force her into a vegetative state as punishment? I mean, that seems like the kind of thing a government agency would do to punish one of their own screwing them over?
But then you add time trickery into the mix and that's when it get's really interesting. Because that's where I start to get lost and wonder if there's then a possibility Terry could actually be aware that maybe there is a time loop and so she's having to go through this same silly charade of Joyce and Hopper visiting her, asking about Jane her daughter, hence why she rolls her eyes practically at each of these moments where they woefully misunderstand the truth for the ?/? time. And this could also be why, upon meeting El (for the ?/? time), Terry tries to send her a message, only to use that precious moment to outright reject El's claim that they are family, continuing to try to tell her more beyond that comment, as if there is something else still missing (as if El still has it all wrong)...?
Lastly, I want to mention this ironic scene that closes off 2x07, which as you probably remember, the episode literally started with Terry rejecting El's claim that she is her mom/home, only to then end with this, followed by what happens in 2x09 when El returns to Hawkins...
They're obviously doing the best that they can so that this revelation stays a surprise, while also hinting all along subtly that there is still something missing in regards to El's memories tied to her mom and the lab, while also prioritizing the bond between these characters especially...
And hey, maybe that's for a reason? Who knows...
#byler#stranger things#twelvegate#kali prasad#stranger things 2#the lost sister#terry ives#joyce + hopper = willel twins#iykyk
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Hey so I don't wanna obsess over tiny details in RWBY but like. what was the point of having Penny call out to Ruby at the beginning of episode 1? We never SEE Penny, we only see Neo's illusions of her that were used to emotionally and mentally torture Ruby. Why was that a detail they included if there wasn't going to be any payoff for it?
For me personally, this is made worse by the fact that I didn't even know it was Penny. I wasn't able to identify the voice - I think I originally leaned towards Yang, or hearing Summer for the first time - and I didn't realize it was Penny until another poster mentioned her name being there in the script. Which, you know, could 100% just be a me problem, but there's definitely no payoff if you don't even know what character is meant to be haunting our protagonist.
Looking at Volume 9 as a whole, that detail feels like a miniature version of the sword issue: they introduced this reference to Penny (call out/finding sword), had Ruby get emotional about it (gasp/crying), and then tossed it aside without ever looking back (Ruby never brings up hearing Penny/the Prince trashes the sword and Ruby doesn't care enough to take action). There are so many ways that both of these ideas could have actually led to something. What if the Ever After was aligned with the afterlife, rather than Neo getting an over-powered semblance? What if Penny's sword was an option from the Blacksmith that Ruby chose? What if she heard Penny talking to her throughout the whole Volume, a kind of psychological haunting? What if Penny was the only one Neo crafted, making Ruby's grief over her death the undeniable cornerstone of drinking the tea? As it stands, both ideas just... peter out. Actually no, "peter out" is a gradual end whereas here nothing ever comes of these ideas in the first place, or they're bluntly abandoned. Honestly, stuff like this is included with no payoff because RT doesn't know what they want out of their story and, when they do know, they don't understand how to bring that to fruition. Is Ruby grieving over Penny? Their loss in Atlas? Freaking out over how she can't beat Salem? Does she want to be in charge? Does she also hate being "forced" to be in charge? Is she missing her mom? Does she even remember her mom? Is she frustrated with her team? With Jaune? Does she know Jaune killed Penny? Does she have thoughts on her sister starting to date? Are we exploring her relationship with Neo? Or with Ironwood? Ozpin? The 4+ other characters in that scene? Herself?
RWBY throws out idea after idea after idea after idea and none of them amount to anything because this show is the storytelling equivalent of Whac-a-Mole: a cool concept pops out and the writers immediate whack it back down into the void. Penny is not a part of the finale. The girls don't unpack their loss in Atlas. Conversation about Salem is dismissed. We don't acknowledge that Ruby demanded this power for herself. She doesn't want to be leader, but comes out of the tree a perfect leader once more. She's angry with Summer for lying and then that's instantly pushed aside. Magic gives her the most generic 'I love you' memory ever and that cures her deep depression. We don't need to work through Ruby's team failing her because, again, magic tree and mom memories somehow fix everything. We don't know if she ever learned the truth about Jaune. There's no reflection on all the people who have died. "I don't want to be Ruby Rose anymore" is just a dramatic, narrative clickbait that was never going anywhere.
Why did a phantom Penny cry out for Ruby at the start of the Volume? Because the writers knew that would catch the attention of a lot of viewers and, frankly, that's all they need. Most of the fanbase isn't interested in a cohesive story, just a revolving door of fan favorites and sandbox ideas. So for the record, I personally don't think that's just a "tiny detail," with the implication that it's also insignificant. Moments like that are representative of how RWBY's writing has continually failed since Volume 5.
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I want to write about Mokuba.
I want to write about how precious he is.
I want to write about how he was born on 7 July 2000, on how he is a Cancer and his Chinese Zodiac year is the Dragon. I want to write how confused he was as a child while the world around him was crumbling piece by piece. How he never knew his mom and his dad died when he was three.
How hard it was life at the orphanage but somehow he felt shielded and protected. How happy he was when his brother shared with him his dreams. How hopeful when the chance of being adopted came up. How hard he worked to learn what his brother taught him about chess. To win. To make his brother happy.
I want to write about those five years of despair, of the loneliness of the nights in the big mansion. Of the times he would climb on his brother's bed because only his warmth could soothe him to sleep. Of the helplessness when they would take away his toys. Of the pain of the tortures he witnessed being inflicted on his brother.
On how the hopes and dreams died out to leave space for anger. On how the nights got colder and colder because now his brother would just lock himself in whenever he got to sleep and he would end up curling before the door in the dark of the hall, crying. On how his brother would drift and drift away. No more smiles. No more words.
And then it was just the two of them again. But this time, he didn't feel shielded and protected. His brother wouldn't share his dreams with him anymore. And the anger died out and it was only mistrusts and survive, survive, survive. And rule. And conquer. And kill. Just empty void. Just darkness. Cold. Pain. Why are you hurting me?
I want to write of that light that suddenly appeared, that engulfed him, that freed him. Of the hopes that slowly crawled back. Of a love that he thought had gone but it had always been there with him. But now it is his time to be strong. His time to protect. Because he always knew..
Between the two of them, who suffered the most, who endured the most, who took too many responsabilities upon himself. To protect him. To protect that smile. So this time Mokuba suffers for him. He endures for him. He gets lost. He loses. But the light is now with him and he hopes he will find his brother again.
And they find each other. And the pieces have found their place. And they can talk about dreams again. And they can work together and they can make them a reality. Together?
The light is gone. It came back to its own world 'cause it never belonged to theirs. His brother craves it. He demands it. And Mokuba understands, silently. Should he have said something? Should he have stopped him? He feared to lose him. Again. But he was stronger now. He had said so. You take care of the rest.
I want to write about those 300 days. 298, to be exact. The alcohol, the fights, the job, the tears. The anger that came back, the loneliness, the pain. Fucking stupid dull pain. The friends. The alcohol. The research. The school? The blood. The knife. More blood. The friends. The first birthday without him. The first christmas without him.
The vain hope. The failed efforts. The 298th day, alone in the room, sitting on the floor in the dim light. The blade in his hand. The silent scream. The phone call: I found him. The quantum jump, the fear, the rush to the hospital, the operation, the fear again. He has a brain injury, sir. We'll do everything we can, sir. The hours of agony, the coma. And his brother finally wakes up.
I want to write of what happened next. Of the relief, the comfort, the harbored resentment. The reconnecting, the reconciliation, the acceptance of the different paths they walked. The love that will never fade. The past that can be left behind for a clean slate. The bond that became stronger than ever.
The growing, the teen, the rebel, the nights at the police station. The deep involvement with the company now that he had demonstrated how capable he had been. The school life, the projects, the new friends. The K-pop and Nicki Minaj. The icon he was becoming, the fans multiplying. The KaibaCorp shows. The new tech. The charities. The billions multiplying.
The 1.79m tall. The volleyball, the taekwondo. The power yoga with his brother. The swimming. The dance lessons. The laughs. The alcohol, because old habits die hard. The cigarette every once in a while 'cause it feels good. The LSD trips together. The trips around the world. The rave parties in Europe with Leon. The research projects with Becky.
The pilot license. The Jaguar for his eighteenth birthday. The Bentley, the McLaren, the Ford GT, the Honda NSX. The first yacht. The first private jet. The new fashion choices. The working out. The shaping of his self, how he wants it to be. The freedom.
The questions he didn't want to ask. The questions he didn't want to listen. The questions that popped in his mind whenever a boy would smile at him, but he shrugged them off. The hardest decision of his life: I'm leaving for college.
The day he dragged his brother to the tattoo artist's shop. The half of the compass on his right ribs, the other half on his brother's left ribs: because you are my north. The concealed sadness in his brother's eyes when they waved each other goodbye at the airport. And the secret tears Mokuba will never know about. Even if I'll see you every month.
Berkeley. The campus. The college life. The philosophy classes. The engineering classes. The first three weeks. Him. Three years older. His chocolate eyes. His smile like the sunshine. His kindness. His beautiful mind. His body. Oh god his body. The butterflies in the stomach. The cravings of more and more time spent together. The realization. The panic. The tears of confusion. The trashing of the apartment. The truth shouted to his brother's face. But he knew. I've always known. The comfort of his arms. The shield, the protection. The pride.
Him, again. The homework, the workout together, the awkward silence in the showers. The dinners. The parties. The friends. The afternoon at the bowling alley. The hasty looks, the secretive gaze. The fleeting touch. The day he opened up about himself, his past, of who he was and what he had done. The struggle of being a better person. The love for his brother. The fear of being left behind. The kind eyes that gave him the answers he was looking for. The fall that didn't feel like falling at all. More like a feather cradled by the gentle breeze of spring.
The exploring of uncharted territory. The jacking off in the dark of the room when the desire was too much to handle. The slow acceptance of who he is, of feelings never felt before. The fear for a world that is not that accepting. The subtle annoyed voice of his brother who doesn't really want to let him go.
Him, always. The strolls together, the sailings across the bay. The first dance at the thanksgiving frat party. The date three days later because you know I want you and I know you want me too so let's just stop chasing each other around. The dinner, the walking through the park hand in hand. The gaze that couldn't break away. The first kiss, sweet and simple. The second, the third, the millions more. The heart racing.
The first time at the penthouse that same night, gentle and intimate. The second, the third. The discovery of things he never thought possible he could do. The discovery of things he never thought possible he could receive. The giggling, the moaning, the screams, the groans. The top, the bottom, the switch.
The holding hands, always. The making out throughout campus. The more dates and dinners, the shopping together, the sex in the library, the studying together, the relaxing time on the grass under the trees. The springtime. The first I love you. The first holiday together. The public coming out. The moving in together in a penthouse in downtown Oakland.
Their families' meetings. The vacations around the world. The college graduation. The COO position at the KaibaCorp. The overtaking of duties at the overseas branch. The marriage proposal. The undying happiness that once seemed so distant. The darkness fading away, that now seems only a bad dream.
The struggle of splitting himself between the two most important people of his life until his sulking brother's ready to accept that no matter what, Mokuba will always be there for him. To shield him. To protect him. To love him.
Because their dreams, their promises, their bond will never fade.
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One thing I found a little bit funny when reading the epilogue chapters and SLR is how Jinwoo is like. Not a very good dad. (He’s not a bad one! But he’s just so solidly a C grade father up until the point he ditches his son to go to space) and then presumably his wife decides to dip too??? (I’m only in the first few chapters of slr tho lol)
I did get that same train fo thought about his parenting methods and how they differ in the show on this post. And while it is funny, its honestly just level of weird bombastic and a lot of "sir that is a child" from me. I do have to say it also feels pretty sad, because Sung JinWoo was not like that at all in the begining and actively never wanted his family to encounter such dangers that he is exposing to Suho since he was 15 (or less). Like i did say before, no one feels more ooc in the side stories than him. The person that literally put his life on line time and time again instead of letting Jin-Ah get a job or leaving his mom to die from a disease that no one has been able to cure. Even after the Double Dungeon, he knew of all people just how dangerous it was for him and stopped Han Song Yi from working as a hunter. He also didnt join the jeju island raid because no one out there, not even the people that had been killed in that dungeon break and those mourning, were more important than his family and spending time with them after Kyung-Hye woke up again. In the dungeon break that also happened with in Japan, Jin Woo also tried to stop himself from going to that dungeon because Jin Ah was still recovering from her trauma. Of all things, his family means everything to him, (and we still see that it does) but he at the same time when he finished fighting all those monsters for 27 years, he almost became a whole new person from maners to literally fully merging himself with Ashborns powers.
He didnt see other peoples taunts as something bad and rather he joked that it was funny, he wasnt above torturing or straight up killing others that also went out of his way to harm him. He really just only wanted to get back to his family, because after he went to school, there wasnt any other motives for him to get a job or find a passion life that he could pursue. Neither was there a point in him finding solance or love with other people that werent those he already knew in the past timeline. Jin Woo just has no purpose to live expect protect his family. The family that he is also bringing constant danger into, but he doesnt care about that anymore, he owns up to that and still fights all the monsters either way. Yet withing his purpose to live, he just decides to take whatever offer Jinchul made instead of, idk, looking for things that you find interesting. (And yes his power help him with the cases but at the same time he could have been a million other things, a doctor, a surgeon, a painter, a lawyer, anything! Detective isnt bad either but its the fact that he never wanted it for himself but rather because someone else– someone he knew – told him he would be good at it.)
And thats fine for characters to have that goal centered about family, I love me some characters that do their best to just live for the people they care about and also go ballistic when their family is hurt. Which is why I also love SL Ragnarok more than SL. Su-ho is out there also fighting for his family, but we see why he cares about them when Suho's memories with his mother and Beru bleed out into his action with other characters, we see how he acts with Beru and Haein (but not jinwoo ahhhh) in the past and without them in the present canon events. His character isnt simply relegated to his family or a void of it [Jin Woo's character also had the same growth with Jin Ah's and Kyung Hye's interactions back pre jeju island arc and smaller moments thrown out in season two as a whole. So I really do believe that Post the 27 years fight, Jinwoo just felt more like Ashborn than his human self.] Other characters also get to say just how similar Suho is to one of his parents (cant spoil sorry) and at the same time he still isnt defined entirely by them. Heck he even goes out of his way, in the new chapters, to tell himslef that he will be different, that he wont become a succesor but rather a version of his own self. And thats awesome! He wants to carve out his own path and not be a copy of his father that is good!
Anyways Jinwoo is still like a good dad or at least has to be bc in SL Ragnarok, without much spoilers, does emphatise just how much Suho wants to see his dad and mom again, but at the same time my problem with it is that it feels a bit void of it, since Suho keeps getting flashbacks of his life when he was with the shadows and his mom, but there hasnt been a single memory (that i can remeber) shown of him with his dad. Its one of those details that SLR lacks which shouldnt honestly, when there are still some panels of Suho promising to become the best just for him. And those moments are really good imo.
Whats even sadder is that there are other implications of Jinwoo never being around much of Suho's life. Not enough to say he dipped, but rather that he used to work a lot (and also that monster fighting took his time too) so he wasnt always home to spend time with his family. The side srories almost made people think that he really dipped (hahahah), which already shows just how much he doesnt spent time with them, even at the end when he fights the monsters he thinks they should go out to eat something since its been who knows how long when they went out.
Noy only is Jinwoo distancing himself a lot from huamn interaction, but also I think he really wants his son to inherit his powers, becayse the way he trains Suho just feel like– very much with how Ashborn trained him. He is kinder in SL Ragnarok due to some features taken out of the system that dont make Suho completely turn out as bad as it did with Jin Woo (this kid was already born crazy), yet the parenting is also like :) 🤌🤌🤌 why, he is only 15 and he has died three times! And not in the nicest way possible too!
Why cant the kid not even know about his powers? "Kids will be scared of him and he will have no friends" but he is already 15! And in SLR he is almost 22! At least in case something bad happened to both the parents there should have been a shadow right there to take care of him. Jin Woo you have millions of them, you can leave one out for Suho and that one can stay on guard in case everything goes wrong. Which it hella did xd.
Also "he still cant awaken his powers because he is too brash" good point, another good point Suho literally fought its entire way through the dungeons just to go home and still asked you to get out but you said nothing! Sir he wasnt going to run away when he was already so close to getting out. Of course he is going to fight you because thats what he has been doing since he got. trapped. inside. that. dungeon.
In the end, I give a huge shoutout to Beru and Cha Hae In, they are the reason this kid is still alive to this day and have not fuked up their parenting at all, like at all. Even Bellion and Igris gets a standing ovation. But Jin Woo... please get some therapy, bc those 27 years in the dungeon were not good for you, you will probably need some otherworldy therapy from like a ruler instead of a normal person, like you are lossing yourself out there dude. You so ooc dude. Omg tgis was too much. Sorry!
#solo leveling#solo leveling manwha#sung jin woo#solo leveling spoilers#cha hae in#beru best girl#beru best father and mother and nanny#beru stole the show as always#sung su ho
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"Don't worry, I got you"
Summery: Spots gets some bad news and turns to race for comfort
TW: suicide mention, suicide note reading, angst, vomiting, abuse
I recommend listening to You'll Go Far by Noah Kahn while reading the note
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On Christmas day four years ago, Sean Patrick Conlon escaped his abusive father and ran away from home. Unfortunately, he had to leave his beloved mother behind.
~~~
Spot had not seen his mother in four years. He thought about her every single day, though.
So, when the man running the Brooklyn lodging house said he had something from her, Spot was shocked and overjoyed. That is, until he looked at the man's face and saw the expression carved into the features. Something had happened. Something bad.
"Spot, there's really no easy way to say this..." Spot braced himself.
"Just let me hear it" Spot sighed.
"It's your mother kid, she's passed" the man spoke sorrowfully.
Spot threw his hands over his mouth, but he was too late. He vomited all over himself. The man patted his back.
"Would you like to know more?"
"No, can't handle anymore," Spot thought. Instead of saying that, he just shook his head and prepared for the worst.
"Kid, you mother, she died...well...by her own hand," the man admitted.
Spot's stomach dropped to his toes. He could feel the bile rising back in his throat.
He had expected that. It was either that, or his father had finally snapped and killed her.
As disgusting as it made him feel to think, Spot was glad it had been her because his father would've made it torture.
"Anything else?" Spot asked, his face completely void of expression. The man took a deep breath.
"She left you a note, kid" he said.
Spot's hands began to shake as the man slowly handed him the note.
"I'll leave you be now, but you know where to find me," the man said before leaving the room.
Spot lost control of his body. His feet began to move, and he didn't stop until he reached the Sheepshead racetrack. He didn't even know why he was there, until he spotted him.
Spot's boyfriend Race was sitting by the tracks watching the races. Spot walked up to him and stood wordlessly in front of the smaller boy.
Race could immediately tell something was wrong. He stood and wrapped his arms around Spot tightly. Spot began sobbing heavily into Race's shoulder.
~~~
After Spot was able to catch his breath, Race asked what was wrong. Spot answered by thrusting the note into Race's hands.
"Ma" he muttered under his breath.
Race opened the noteamd quickly read over it.
"Oh, Spotty," Race whispered.
"Read it," Spot said simply.
Rave knew that Spot had a hard time with reading, so he obliged.
"Dearest Sean," Race read. "If you are reading this, I am in a better place."
"Your father had always been unkind to me. But, after you left, it got much worse. He blamed me for you leaving"
"I need you to know that this is not your fault. I'm so very proud of you for getting away from your father. My only hope is that you're somewhere better now"
"Don't feel bad for leaving Sean darling, I'm not upset with you. I never have been:
"I am no longer able to feel anything except for pride and love for you. You are my angel Sean, you always will be. I love you darling and I'll watch over you always. Goodbye my angel"
"With love, Mom"
Spot sobbed and dry heaved the whole time Race read. But, by the end of it, Spot was back to being emotionally.
"Spot?" Race asked. There was no response.
"Sean, please look at me"
Spot reluctantly turned his head. Race could see that his eyes were completely empty. Spot was completely empty.
Race held him securely. Spot began to shake violently.
"Don't worry, I got you,"
Rave held Spot for the rest or the night.
Spot did not speak for three weeks. And, even then, he only spoke to Race.
Sean Conlon would be okay one day, but that day would not come soon.
#newsies#92sies#spot conlon#racetrack higgins#sprace#tw suicide#tw vomiting#tw suicide note#tw abuse#chase writes
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My thoughts on Stranger Things S3 E6
I love how Dustin just chants "Oh sh**" whenever he gets stressed, it cracks me up
I was so panicked then Nancy locked herself in the room and then the monster leaked into the room but El rescued her!
Again, the way Hop and Joyce interact with Alexei is hilarious, especially now that Murray is translating
When Alexei refused to talk to Hop after he gave him the wrong slushy and Hop gave him the keys to the car and the handcuffs, I was so confused
Then I got sad when he explained that Alexei has a better chance of living if he stays with them instead of going back to the Russians
I also shared Dustin's confusion when the only thing that didn't make sense to Erica after Dustin explained everything was that Lucas helped.
Her denial about being a nerd and Dustin's insistence that she is because she's good at math and likes My Little Pony was golden (also, I loved how Dustin unapologetically likes it too)
Robin's bravery while she and Steve were being interrogated / tortured was amazing to watch. You could tell she was scared for Steve and she had tears in her eyes but she still spit in the colonel's face anyway
The argument about El and her limits was interesting to watch. Max wants her to be independent and make her own choice about going into the void while Mike is in full protection mode and wants to take that choice away from her.
"Mike I need you to trust me." 😭
I loved seeing Billy's memories. He's such a tough, intimidating, and dangerous character and I liked seeing the child-like innocence he once had in the scenes with his mom and how that got taken from him. It humanized him in a way (not that it excuses his horrible actions)
I freaked out when Steve spilled Dustin and Hopper's names to the Russians after they injected that stuff that made him and Robin high in them
The ending when all the "flayed" people turned into that goo to form the Mind-flayer was terrifying
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there is something deeply wrong with me but I dont know what it is
like bestie im not talented im traumatized. Im not wasting a gift im trying to keep myself from plunging a knife in my chest and bleeding out in my bed. Like void, please shut the fuck up.
but then when other people vent to me, even if I TRY to care, I just dont. Like im sorry. I want you to feel better. But wtf am I meant to do. Like sorrows, sorrows, but I cant even deal with my own emotions what makes you think I can help with yours???????? And then I TRY. I TRY to help knowing that I cant, I TRY to care even though I dont, I TRY to make it known that I want them to feel loved and cared for, but nothing works. And then I feel like a piece of shit who deserves to rot away in a corner for all eternity!!!
Oh and speaking of rotting away, SCHOOL. I can't pay attention. Like if its not interesting I just zone out and start questioning my reality. And then im like 'wtf are we doing now'. Its actual torture what. And when I TRY to pay attention and actually LEARN I literally just end up drawing on my paper or my mind starts to wander. BUT THEN THE FUCKING THINGS MY TEACHERS ARE SAYING MAKE NO SENSE!! LIKE GIRLIE HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO KNOW WHAT TO DO IF YOU DIDN'T TAKE ME THROUGH A THOROUGH STEP MY STEP PROCESS HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THIS. And then I DONT SPEAK UP BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER HAVE MY HAND CHOPPED OFF THEN SPEAK TO A TEACHER. Like. Then, everyone else seems to immediately understand everything?? Some people talk back to teachers??? Some people WANT to talk to teachers??? Who are you and how. Oh and then my classmates??? Literally horrible. I want them to die. Thankfully i have a couple friends in my classes which makes it a bit more bearable, but NO KEENAN OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR NAME IS, STOP DANCING AND SCREAMING, STOP BEING SO UNBEARABLE, STOP BEING A DICK. LIKE DUDE I BET YOU DONT EVEN GOT ONE. LITERALLY STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE. And its this one certain friend group who is actually the WORST. Like im TRYING to pay attention and then all of a sudden one of these kids starts yelling at another, stuff is thrown, and nothing gets done. BUT THEN THE TEACHERS DO NOTHING. THEY DONT CARE. BUT THEN WHEN SOMEBODY ELSE TALKS EVEN ONCE ITS IMMIDIATELY PRINCIPLES OFFICE???? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST KILL ME.
oh and then out of school isn't even better at all. I just want to waste away in my room. Everything always hurts and I just want to be with friends but I know that nobody can or wants to hang out with a sad waste of oxygen like me. And then when im trying to go to bed I just hear the crashing of glass, my parents having a screaming match, and then my mom going back to drinking her sorrows away while my dad continues to try and sleep. Like please im so tired just let me go into my happy place and attempt to die in my sleep. And then whenever its even around 6:00 my mom immediately starts acting drunk even if she's had nothing so what the fuck is up with that. And then she tries to gaslight me into doing things??? Like at this point im immune. I dont even give any fucks anymore because I tried doing that and it just got me hurt. So why even care anymore. So what the fuck is the point in trying to live laugh love when I just wanna off myself. Like no. Die cry hate is my new motto at this point.
and then, to top it all off, if I try venting ANYTHING to the one person I know who understands, he just asks 'oh, is it your time of the month?'
like please just kill me at this point. Take me out of the hell called living. Im so close to just dying please help.
#vent#holy fuck this is long but I needed to just get this out#i know I shouldn't vent online but I have nobody to talk to this about and I dont got any bottles left to put this in#Star.TXT document#pleease dont be concerned abt me its just me being not okay again#its just this time i posted about it
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Suck Torture | 23🩸
Back Table of Contents
cw: d**th by mvrder & su!c!de, violence
word count: 3k
a.n. this is the final chapter of suck torture. this fic is not (yet) a popular hit, but it’s definitely a major accomplishment for me. for eight months, i dedicated my free time to writing an elaborate multi-fandom vampire fanfic with light witchcraft, lighter werewolf lore, angst, fluff, smut, a polycule… and i couldn’t be more proud of the result. thank you for reading this roller coaster of a story. please share and leave feedback <3
My mother told me to pack my belongings to go into hiding. But I couldn't think of anything worth bringing. Without my father, my sister, or my brother, it felt so wrong to leave. It felt so wrong to leave Beomgyu and Taehyun behind. Somehow I was fine with leaving over one hundred years worth of memories in this house.
That's not the only thing that felt wrong. Everything felt wrong. I was empty and void of any positive feeling. I found myself in the darkness of the tower again, scaling the walls and pacing away my thoughts.
I couldn't believe we were going into hiding again. I couldn't believe it was the fault of my family. My mother doesn't deserve that. Maybe Yeji was right to leave.
"Hyunjin," My mother said, standing at the doorway, "I thought you'd be here. How are you feeling?"
"I don't know, mom. I don't want to go into hiding again."
"Neither do I. But we have to if we want to live."
"I'm so sorry. About dad, Niki, Yeji... I feel like I've failed you."
"It's okay, Hyunjin. We're a few years away from location rotation anyway."
Location rotation is a tradition vampires invented to see different vampire cities throughout our lifetime. There were a few cities in each country or state with vampire safe zones. We'd stay there for about a hundred years or so then move again.
But location rotation wasn't the same as hiding in the slightest. Location rotation always provided a safe space. There is no safe space when you're hiding.
"Right, I forgot about that."
"I know why you feel the way you do. And I understand that I can't change that for you," She said, "All I can tell you with utmost virtue, Hyunjin, is that I love you no matter what happens. Until the sun burns us all."
And that meant everything to me. I realized that it was wrong for me to mope about going into hiding without my dad, my siblings or Beomgyu. My mother, the woman who turned herself to give me life, is all I needed. I couldn't say that I loved this life with honesty. But it was an honor to live it from her.
"I love you too, mom," I ran to her and hugged her, "Until the sun burns out."
Her hold was warm, not in the way Beomgyu's was. It wasn't physically warm, but emotionally. Her warmth was simply maternal. Safe.
A loud crash of the tower window stripped the safety from the room. My mother flinched beneath me and I protected her against any falling debris. When I was certain that glass wasn't coming down anymore, I looked over my shoulder to find the most terrifying pair I'd ever seen in my life: a blood-coated Niki and a Felix on his back.
"What have you done?" I whispered under my breath.
"Niki?" Mother gasped, putting her hand over her mouth, "He looks so–."
"Mom, you have to get out of here."
"That's my son." She cried, eyes welling up with tears.
I nudged her out of the door and shut it behind me.
"That's not your son. There's not a hint of Niki left in that demon mom. He's gone."
"But–."
"Listen to me–." I held her by her delicate shoulders.
"Come on, Hyunjin. It's just your brother and I. Don't be scared of us." Felix's voice boomed through the wooden door.
"I know you're strong enough without me, that you're stronger than me. But I'm the last man standing. I got us into this, the least I can do is protect you through this."
"Hyunjin..."
"Go, mom," I begged, "Now."
She didn't want to, but she hugged me one last time, tightly squeezing my shoulders before whispering, "Until the sun burns out."
She raced down the stairs after giving me one more reaffirming look.
I opened the door behind me and Felix was steady on the floor while Niki was flying near the open ceiling.
"Felix, why are you here with Niki?"
"Isn't it obvious," Felix asked, walking towards me in slow steps, "Niki did a killing spree starting with half the council and continuing with six humans. You know I have family on the council."
Fuck. I felt myself subconsciously stepping back the closer Felix got, glancing up at Niki every so often.
"That's right. See if you had just married me, this wouldn't have happened. Niki would've been safe."
The door bursted open behind me and in came Beomgyu and Taehyun.
"Beomgyu?"
"Felix."
"Oh, of course Beomgyu's here and he's a fucking vampire," Felix yelled, "You really turned a pathetic human into a vampire instead of just marrying a real one. God, maybe I really dodged the bullet."
"Felix," I gulped, my brain worked overtime to resolve this quickly without it getting worse, "My mother and I are going into hiding. I suggest you do too. If you come with me, will you promise not to hurt Beomgyu and Taehyun?"
He just scoffed, coming to me in a flash. He was so dangerously close to me that his breath tickled my neck. I didn't want to be near him ever again after what happened at the apartment. So for him to be that close sickened me.
"I was never going to hurt your precious toys. That's Niki's job now," Felix said lowly, "However, I do find it funny that because Niki is my toy, you now see the value in having me around. I thought I was just an obsessive vampire."
"You are," I cut in, "But you're right. You were always right. And something in my head always knew, but I didn't listen. If there's a chance to show you that I'm sorry, I'd like to take it."
"I've waited quite patiently for you to say those words to me. I'm almost tempted to say yes. But I'm no longer in love with you, Hyunjin," He said, "I have new plans. And they aren't centered around you or love. Just me and power. And while I'm in power, you won't need to go into hiding."
In the blink of an eye, Beomgyu jumped in front of me and sent Felix flying across the room. He resorted to his bat state to prevent his fall, turning back when he came closer to the ground.
"Beomgyu's right. No more talking," Felix growled, "Niki, remember the one who abandoned us? Sick 'im."
As Niki used his demonic strength to attack me, I held my already wounded arms in front of my face. Part of me wanted to see my brother in that monster. The other part remembered what I had just told my mother. Niki was gone and I had to treat him like the monster he was.
Kicked him in his chest, which only deterred him a little bit. His claws continued to maul me. I had to find the power in me to overthrow him. It felt impossible until I saw Beomgyu in the corner of my eye with Felix stalking behind him. He could protect himself, but he just got those powers. There was no telling if he'd survive Felix again.
I toppled Niki, holding his neck under my arm and reaching behind him to tug at his wings. I pulled hard and it felt like they weren't budging. But when I heard Niki's ear splitting shriek, I knew I did some damage.
So I kept pulling until I heard a tear. That tear drove him insane, flying wildly for a few seconds before becoming stable on his feet again. With his back turned to me, I noticed the wing beginning to heal itself. So I attacked again at my highest speed. I pulled hard at his wings with my feet to his back. If I could immobilize him, it was the start to defeating him. My palms began to bleed and my arms were getting weak, but I'd finally stripped him of his wings.
"No." Felix shouted.
His deafening shrieks filled the room as he fell to his knees. He looked back at me, red eyes flickering in defeat. Kill me and I'll thank you, I read before his eyes went fully red again. My heart ached.
"Beomgyu, help me hold him down," I shouted, but he didn't move, "Hurry."
"What if I'm not strong enough?"
"You're just as strong as me, now come on."
I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards me only for him to be stopped in place. On the other side of him was Felix, grabbing onto him as well. Beomgyu kicked Felix to the other side of the room and sent him plastered to the wall.
It was a terrible time to have those thoughts, but Beomgyu's new powers were truly remarkable.
Niki was on his stomach, squirming and bleeding from his back. I had his right side while Beomgyu had his left.
"We have to extract his vampire blood." I said quietly.
"I-I can't."
"You have to or we all die."
"But–." The smell of fear and discomfort coated him. I felt bad, but we had no other choice.
"Please, it'll only take a second if we both do it." I said as Niki started to regain strength, uprooting us from our hold on him.
Beomgyu swallowed hard and opened his mouth, fangs pointed and ready. He shut his eyes and plunged his teeth into Niki's neck.
"Taehyun," I shouted, "You have to cast an exorcism spell on Niki."
"What?"
"No." Felix shouted.
There was no time to answer him, I had to bite Niki and help Beomgyu. I sank my teeth into his neck and let his bitter blood rage down my throat. I felt him become weaker and weaker. But not completely.
"Taehyun, please you're the only one who can." I said, letting up on Niki's neck for a moment.
"I don't know how."
I silently pleaded with him to try. Try to kill the demon inside. It was beyond my control and the only solution I could fathom.
"You will if you try."
I wasn't certain about witch's abilities. But I felt that if something was in his blood, he'd know how to use it if he had to. Like when Taehyun opened the door at the party. I was aware how unlocking a door and exercising a demon were considerably different. But I had faith in Taehyun, I had to.
Soon, all of his vampiric blood was drained from his body. He was completely limp once Beomgyu and I let up on him. Except for the violent spasms he randomly got. That must've been the demon in him.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Felix taunting Taehyun. He was clenching and unclenching his fists, unprepared for Felix's menacing presence.
His physique didn't allow Felix to affect him much, but it still caught him off guard. But as Felix's blood thirsty fangs inched closer to Taehyun's neck, his defense slowly withered.
The second I ran to him was the second Felix bit him. The light in his eyes drained so quickly. It broke me.
But it didn't break Beomgyu, as he ran to him and tore Felix off of Taehyun. He wasn't aware of his strength. I could tell since he sent Felix flying into me. He grunted in pain.
"This is how it was supposed to be." He muttered.
"What are you on about?"
"Them two and us two," He said lowly, "But it doesn't matter now, I don't care."
He pushed me into the floor, causing my body to sink in the floorboards.
"No, Felix, I think you care a lot," I flipped over my head and into the floor as well, "I think you care more than you should."
"So what if I do?" He charged at me again.
He swung his arms at my head, but I dodged every blow. I got him in the chest one time and that knocked him back a few steps. That's when he clocked me in my jaw, slightly dislocating my neck. My head was turned a tad out of origin. As it slowly popped back into place, I grabbed his arm and threw him into the wall behind us. He fell to the floor, leaving the silhouette of his body engraved on that spot in the wall.
"Damn, fighting you is almost as exhilarating as making love to you." He gasped, looking up at me with blood filling his eyes.
Something about him being close to death froze me in place. Though I didn't want to spend my life with Felix, I didn't want to see him dead.
"You're insane." I said.
"Maybe. But at least I didn't doom vampires to shit." He was beginning to lift himself up, smiling and gearing up to attack again. But I ran to him and pounded his head into the ground.
He didn't recover from that.
"Come on, Tae," I heard Beomgyu in the distance. I raced over to his side, "I have to turn him or he's gonna die."
"If you're too scared, I can do it."
"No, I want to do it, I just," He breathed out nervously, "Don't know how."
"Bite into your wrist," I said and he hesitated, "Quickly, before you're out of time."
I heard the sound of his skin coming undone, smell his husky woodland blood. There were still traces of human blood in him. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.
"Let him feed on you." I instructed.
Beomgyu lifted Taehyun's head into his lap and put his wrist to Taehyun's mouth. Both of us were desperately hoping it wasn't too late.
"It's not working." Beomgyu panicked.
"Just wait."
Just then, I saw Taehyun's adam's apple bob in his throat.
"He swallowed," I said, "Don't stop."
His beautifully tan skin slowly became pale. The brown in his hair became richer and fuller. It was working. His eyelids opened slowly, revealing alluring deep red retinas. The look of our kind isn't natural looking at all, but it suited him. I put my hand to his face and his hand met mine.
"You turned me?" He asked.
"I needed to protect you. Even if–." Beomgyu started.
Taehyun sat up and kissed Beomgyu. They caressed each other so lovingly. They seemed insufferable, but Taehyun hugged me tightly too.
Thank you.
"I love you." Beomgyu said.
"I love you too." He said, looking deeply into Beomgyu's eyes. He looked to me too, eyebrows twitching together.
No words could express his gratitude or his love for the both of us. And after all the turmoil, I was glad to at least see him so happy.
"Would you go find my mom and check on her please," I asked him, "She's probably worried."
"Of course." He said, racing to the door of the tower.
"Wait." Beomgyu said quietly.
Taehyun raced back to Beomgyu's side.
"Yes?"
"Take this." Beomgyu said as he took his hand and pushed his beaded bracelet onto Taehyun's wrist, "I want you to have it."
"Thank you." He said swiftly before going to the door again and leaving.
"Now he'll be okay." Beomgyu muttered to himself.
"What do you mean?"
He just looked up at the broken ceiling. The sky was dark blue, slowly emerging to a brighter blue. He stood up, jumped and transformed into his bat form. He was a natural. He flew up and out of the tower. I followed him.
He settled in the garden in the backyard, standing and staring at the greenery.
"It's enchanting."
"It's more enchanting in spring. But we won't be here to see it," I said, "And there's no gardeners to maintain it. Maybe you will since you're not coming."
"I won't see it either."
"So you are coming with us?" The hint of hope in my voice sounded uncharacteristic.
"I didn't say that."
"Don't be so cryptic, Beomgyu," He avoided my eyes, but also wasn't looking at anything in particular, "What're you doing?"
He looked up at the sky without answering me. The sky that only became brighter by the second.
"Beomgyu, I think we should go inside..."
"I love you, Hyunjin. And thanks for giving me the chance to save Taehyun," He said calmly, "I'm not so mad at you anymore."
"I'm elated to hear that, Beomgyu," I pressed, anxiously looking at the sky and sensing the sunrise from the corner of my eye, "But we really should go inside."
"Do you regret meeting me?"
"I've been alive for hundreds of years, but I've never felt more alive than in the month that I've known you. I could never regret meeting you."
"Even if everything fell apart."
"I'd never blame you for any of this."
"Okay. Then I can go in peace."
"Go where? Beomgyu, what're you talking about?"
Then he finally looked at me, eyes wet and pleading. His brain was quiet for the first time. Completely silent with no overlapping thoughts. Without any clouds to block it, rays of sunshine began to peak through the trees. We were barely dodging them.
That's when I finally understood. I watched a ray of sunshine chase Beomgyu's skin and before it hit him, I grabbed his hand. I had no intentions to move him. I had every intention to stay right there.
I told my mother that I'll love her until the sun burns out. I told Beomgyu I'd love him forever. I will. I promise I will.
Relief washed over my body as the warmth of the winter sun met my skin. My dermas crystalized and stung, but I loved it. It was like receiving a hug from Beomgyu. Before I turned him.
I wished Niki peace in his after life, even if he was damned to hell. I hoped Felix was set free from whatever made him so obsessive. I wished happiness for Yeji in America. And justice for Father's trial, whatever that may be. I prayed that Mother and Taehyun will remain safe while in hiding. And that they wouldn't have to hide for long.
Until the sun burns out, until the sun burns me. I love you.
#dadddybangtan#suck torture#kpop angst#kpop fanfiction#boy x boy fanfiction#wattpad#hyunjin fanfic#kpop vampire au#vampire fanfiction#kpop au#kpop smut#hyunlix ff#taegyu#hyunjin x beomgyu
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"Mockingjay", Chapter 8
Part 1: The Ashes
Chapter 8: Boggs carries Katniss back to the hovercraft. She vomits on him. Katniss wakes up in her mother's hospital area. Mrs. Everdeen was not told that Katniss was going anywhere. They want to roll her hospital bed directly into Command but she wants to walk (our girl never wants to look weak) and they compromise on a wheelchair. She learns the names of her "insect" cameramen, Castor and Pollux. Pollux is an Avox. She worries the Mockingjay Agreement will be voided--and that Peeta might be hurt--because she didn't follow Boggs' orders, but no one has ratted her out to Coin. Coin "reruns" the first propo which has been aired in all the Districts already. Everyone is pleased, except Fulvia and Haymitch. But Cressida expertly placates Fulvia. So Gale wheels Katniss back to the hospital and she wakes up with an irritated Haymitch at her bedside. He resents (and probably was frightened by) her removing her earpiece. He threatens her with a "head shackle" or implanting a chip in her ear, also he ate her lunch. In the hospital, Finnick and Katniss watch a second propo air together. They are surprised to see another interview with Peeta aired after. Finnick helps Katniss by coming up with a lie that they did not see the interview. No one tells Katniss aboutg it.
I want to take off my vest, since I got a fair amount of vomit on it as well, but it's too cold to think about it. I lie on the floor with my head in Gale's lap. The last thing Iremember is Boggs spreading a couple of burlap sacks over me.
I'm going to point out all the Dad-ly things Boggs does as evidence of my theory that he helps Katniss with her trauma about her own dad's death (and also not having anyone look after her, just her looking after Prim and her mom at a young age). The fact that she vomits on him and he "sighs" is my favorite dad thing. Like she's an infant who just spit up.
They more than do their work, they take pride in it. Like Cinna.
I have a strange thought that if we were in the arena together, Iwould pick them as allies...
There's a theme of art and artists being the heart of the resistance in these books. Obviously Cinna and many of the Stylists were rebels, as was Tigris. Here we see that Cressida and her team also has that same Cinna-vibe. So filmmaking can be an artform, but the Hunger Games is not. Anyway, keep this in mind for the "76th" Hunger Games.
Coin and Gale are in the midst of some exchange that seems positively chummy. When Gale slides into the seat next to my wheelchair, I say, "Making new friends?"
His eyes flicker to the president and back. "Well, one of us has to be accessible." He touches my temple gently. "How do you feel?"
His trust of Coin is going to get him into trouble. I want to yell at him to stop talking to her!
At least Finnick doesn't applaud or act all happy when it's done. He just says, "People should know that happened. And now they do."
I am glad Katniss has Finnick here. He gets it and a way others don't.
Peeta's physical transformation shocks me. The healthy, clear-eyed boy I saw a few days ago has lost at least fifteen pounds and developed a nervous tremor in his hands. They've still got him groomed. But underneath the paint that cannot cover the bags under his eyes, and the fine clothes that cannot conceal the pain he feels when he moves, is a person badly damaged.
Katniss realizes the first interview was taped earlier, and that Peeta has been tortured. How long, approximately, was he being tortured for, do we know?
In a minute, people will be here to do damagecontrol on Peeta's condition and the words that came out of his mouth. I will need to repudiate them. But the truth is, I don't trust the rebels or Plutarch or Coin. I'm not confident that they tell me the truth. I won't be able to conceal this. Footsteps are approaching.
Finnick grips me hard by the arms. "We didn't see it."
Again, Peeta manages to make decent points in his interview even though he is obviously being forced to say certain things. Finnick, who is now--in my opinion--almost functioning in the role Peeta would usually occupy, again understands implicitly and comes up with a convincing lie for her.
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