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topguncortez · 2 months

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“i’m worried that if we go there, and things don't work out... things might never be the same.” with rooster! please and thank you! :)

prompts list:) thank you for the request!

All of Rooster’s life he was told that everyone gets one “great love” in their life. His mother’s great love was obviously his father and the one reason why she never remarried. Rooster could remember when he was about 13 or 14, asking his mother why she never remarried. It had been over 10 years since his father’s passing and Carole had never so much as looked at a male the way she did Goose.

“Because it wouldn’t be fair,” Carole told her son, a sad smile on her face, “It wouldn’t be fair to marry a man knowing I couldn’t love him the way I love your father. He was my great love… and I’ll never find another one like that.”

Bradley wondered if towards the end of her life, when she was alone in the house for those last couple of years when he was off at school, if maybe, just maybe she wished she had someone there. He asked her again, on one of the last good days she had, if she wished she had found someone to spend her life with.

Carole again, gave him a sad smile, “It wouldn’t be fair. There’s only one person I’ve been praying about seeing again.”

Bradley hadn’t realized it at the time, but the older he got, the more he envied what his parents had. “A Great Love” that was as if it came straight from a romance novel. “A Great Love” that held steady for years, despite his father being deceased for more than half of it. “A Great Love” that seemed to come so easy to them but for Bradley, was nearly impossible.

Except, it wasn’t impossible.

No, Bradley did have a “Great Love”, in the form of the neighbor girl who lived in the blue house next door. The girl who used to make mudpies with in the backyard. The girl who teased him relentlessly when he got braces only to end up with wires on her own teeth a couple of weeks later. The girl who is his best friend… and is currently crying on his couch over her now ex-boyfriend.

“A-And he was saying stuff and I-“ You sucked in a deep breath, trying to will the tears to stop falling down your cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Ducky," Rooster said, using the age-old nickname, even though he wasn't in the slightest sorry. Sure, he felt bad that you got your heartbroken, but he was celebrating the fact that Douchebag Dan was finally out of your life, "You deserve better."

"I thought he was the one!" You sobbed, "He had me sending him ring options!"

And suddenly Bradley hated Douchebag Dan even more than he did fifteen minutes ago when you showed up at his doorstep.

"Hey," Bradley said shifting closer to you, his thigh touching yours, "You know what this means though, right," You looked up at him with big sad eyes and the most adorable wobble of your bottom lip, "Your great love is still out there."

You rolled your eyes, "I'm starting to think that's a hock of shit," You flopped back on the couch defeated, "I've dated three guys in my lifetime all for over two years and none of them have put a ring on my finger," You held up your hand, wiggling your ring finger, "It's just not going to happen. I don't have a great love."

"Sure you do."

"Where!?" You looked over at Bradley, "Where is mine?"

"Maybe, you're looking too hard for it. Maybe they're closer than you think," Bradley simply shrugged, reaching for his beer bottle on the coffee table.

"Yeah?" You quipped, "What about you? Have you met your 'great love'."

Bradley sucked in a breath, knowing he couldn't lie to you about this or hell, about anything, "Yeah," He admitted, "But she doesn't feel the same."

You felt a pang in your heart, causing you to sit up, pulling your legs underneath you, "Does she know?"

Bradley shrugged, "I think so. I mean, I-I've known her forever."

"Oh," You were trying to rack your brain of the potential girls that Bradley had his heart set on, "Do I know her?"

"Mhm," Bradley pursed his lips, taking another sip of his beer for he stupidly gave himself and his stupid crush away. A stupid crush that could mean the end of the longest, greatest friendship he has ever had. You were the one thing from his childhood that had managed to stick around. You were there when his mother died, when his dreams of following his father's footsteps came crashing down, when he got his acceptance letter to UVA, when he graduated flight school and got his wings, when he graduated from TopGun.

All the major memories that Bradley had, you were always right there. He couldn't let a stupid crush end that. He couldn't let his heart and his feelings complicate things. He couldn't-

"It's Phoenix, isn't it?"

Bradley spat his beer out of his mouth, coating the coffee table in sticky alcohol. Your eyes widened as he coughed and wiped the beer from his lips.

"What?" He choked out.

"Your great love," You muttered, "Is it Phoenix?"

"Hell no," Bradley shook his head, "That-that's crazy."

"Not really, she's pretty and you're around her all the-"

"It's you," Bradley cut you off.

You felt your heart stop in your chest as you stared at your best friend, "W-What?"

He sighed, hanging his head in shame, "It's you, Y/N. It has always been you. You are my "great love"."

"Bradley, I-"

Bradley shook his head, "I didn't mean to do this. Not when you're upset over Douchebag Dan, but. . .fuck, I can't take it anymore," He stood up from his spot on the couch, beginning to pace, "Watching you go with guys who have no idea what it means for you to look at them like they hung the fucking stars. To have you love them and kiss them and be with them day after fucking day. I love you, Y/N. I have been in love with you."

Fresh tears were in your eyes as you looked at the man who is your best friend, "Why didn't you tell me?" Your voice was barely above a whisper.

"Because I’m worried that if we go there, and things don't work out... things might never be the same," Bradley's big brown eyes shone with unshed tears, "And you're all I have left. I can't lose you."

"You won't lose me," You stood up from your spot on the couch, walking over to him, "Cause I love you too," You grabbed his face in your hands and placed a kiss on his lips.

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wrenreid · 7 months

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Off Limits

Part Twenty-Seven

My freshman year of high school, I was put into a junior level government class. I was only in there because it was the only class that fit into my schedule other than ag classes I couldn’t have been less interested in. I didn’t talk much in the class because everyone was older than me, and they thought I was a kiss up because i always made good grades. I didn’t particularly love the class, but of course, I still did my work and did it well.

Toward the end of the year, we did a mock trial. We drew for positions within the trial, mr flynn the judge. I drew attorney.

The case was a business lawsuit, I was the lawyer who was going against the business for their supposed cruel acts.

Mr. Flynn told us that we would receive extra credit if we dressed up, so me, a fourteen year old with a desperate need for academic validation, borrowed one of my mother’s pencil skirts and a suit jacket from my dad. I looked like a mini Aaron Hotchner, even my mom said so.

I remember preparing for the trial for at least a week, being a little excited about the project. I wanted to win the case, especially since I was, as I believed, on the right side of the law.

My opposing attorney was Noah Kincaid. He was a smart but cocky kid who also cared about winning the trial.

I remember standing up from my desk when is was my turn to ask questions to the kid under oath. I felt as though I had stepped into myself for the first time. It was just a mock trial that lasted half an hour, but I felt proud and confident. I was good at it.

Mr. Flynn pulled me aside after class and told me I should consider law school in the future. He said, and I quote, “The way you handled yourself was the most confident and concise I’ve ever seen in a student. You surprised me, Hotchner.”

I didn’t take it to offense that he said my skills surprised him. In his defense, he’d only heard me talk when I turned in a paper or answered a question, which the latter was usually rare since I didn’t particularly like to “show off” in front of juniors who already thought I was a kiss ass.

I did, however, take his first sentence as a compliment. I was confident and my statements and questions were concise.

I smiled, nodded, thanked him, then left. A lawyer was not on my top five career choices at the time. I didn’t want people to think I was doing it because of my father. I was definitely not. But after some research and a few binge watches of crime shows, I knew I actually did want to be an attorney. Not because of my father but almost in spite of him.

My dad quit his job as a lawyer and took the job Agent Gideon offered him at the BAU. I resented him for it, still do, but that’s besides the point. He wasn’t around much in my most influential years, and at fourteen, I decided I would be a lawyer, and if I happened to have a family, I wouldn’t take a new job that prevented me from being there for them.

So now, I’m currently four weeks away from grad school and three years away from the BAR. And I’m going to rock the shit out of them both. Because I can and because I’m determined. It’s also way less about my unresolved daddy issues now than it was in high school and even some of college, it’s a dream of mine.

Spencer has made it his mission to make sure I enjoy the last month of summer as much as I can. He’s taken me out on a million dates like picnics, movies, late night drives around the city and out into the country, and more every chance he gets between cases.

At least now we don’t have to sneak around and lie about our relationship. Though I was prepared to keep this from my dad for however long necessary, I’m pretty glad we accidentally outed ourselves at my graduation dinner.

My dad cooked a big meal for me, some family, friends, and we invited the team too. Spencer and I didn’t even sit near each other. We barely talked the whole dinner just to be safe.

But as love-sick, horny couples do, when we saw an opportunity to take a minute alone, we did just that.

Having your father catch you making out with a guy will never not be awkward, but when the guy happens to be his employee, it’s fucking weird.

Though, I will say, the look on his face was priceless. I’ve hardly seen him have that much emotion on his face.

After a very awkward, flushed-face, and stuttered explanation from Spencer and me, we were able to calm my father down. He was a lot more excepting than I expected; I think he finally realized he can’t dictate my life, and he saw how happy we are together.

The rest of that dinner consisted of a lot of teasing from Derek Morgan, my brother being grossed out by me having a boyfriend, and everyone asking about law school.

I’m excited and anxious to start the rest of my life as a law student. I’ve prepared for this for nearly 8 years now, and I’m getting closer and closer to my dream career. It’s terrifyingly exciting. I’m grateful to have my family and Spencer by my side through all of this.

hey, so this is it for this story! this is also most likely it for my fanfiction in general.

and for a little life update: i started college a month ago, and i’m adjusting to my new life which has been interesting and scary and fun. im also in a healthy relationship and have been for a while which has been pretty amazing. i hope all my mutuals/ readers are doing well. thank you guys for sticking around :)

tags: @pauline5525mgg @theintimatewriter @lilibet261 @greysviolets @jazzymariexoxoc @one-sweet-gubler @thatsonezesty13 @necromaniackat @awhoreforspencerreid @sebs-oxygen @scarredelirium @bts-sugaplum @awesomeness1679 @preciousbabypeter @yazzyu @cynbx @r3idsp3ncer @1010lizz @tiredbut-here @skulzombiw @lena-1895 @eevee0722 @shakespear-picaso-lovechild @daydreamingqueen1 @regulus-black-223048 @virginmusicloverr36 @jazzerbelle14 @kylakins88 @f-me-reid @lovejules888 @marimorena06 @daph-421 @idkusername8787

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becoming-happy-for-myself · 1 year

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Vision Board 2023 ✨

1. Exercise: For me this means moving my body in any way, shape or form. I want to go on walks, experience nature, different places in and around my city, go on hikes. I’ve recently bought a used Crosstrainer/elliptical off of eBay - I’m going to use it 3-4 times a week to build up endurance and to simply keep my heart and therefore my entire body healthy. It has for some reason always been a little dream of mine to some day run a (half-)marathon. I am nowhere near able to do that anytime soon... But this year I'm starting to work on that!

2. Diet: I want to cook more. I want to use fresh vegetables and fruit. I want to limit fast food/sweets/processed food because I know they don’t make me feel good and they’re not contributing to my goals. I’m not saying I won’t ever eat any of those things again, but they should be an exception, not the norm. Since I also struggle with Crohn’s disease, this is a very important aspect that I have to figure out for the rest of my life. Even though the medication I'm on right now is doing a good job, I’m sure I can support my body by feeding it actual real food - and therefore also prevent future flares.

3. Self-Care: This includes skin and hair care. I have very acne-prone and oily skin, but I know that actually drinking a lot of water and religiously following a skincare routine does help a lot. Self care for me also means taking care of my mental health. I’ve always been a pretty anxious person, but this last year really hasn’t been great. I want to start journaling / writing in a diary again, as this helps me clear my head and at the same time it is a wonderful thing to look back trough my life at a later point. I also want to figure out, what it is I want to do with my life (career wise). I’m currently studying in a masters program, but as of late I'm not sure if that’s actually what I want / should be doing.

I’m going to share my journey on this blog, which will also include specific goals, daily routines, what I eat, and what I do to reach my goals. I want to lose weight (around 15 kgs / 33 lbs), feel healthier and more energized overall and become happy and content with the way I live my life. I hope you guys are along for the ride ✨

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themultifandomgal · 5 months

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Harry Styles- Insecurities

Being the girlfriend of Harry Styles can come with many cons as well as pros. We’ve been together now for 3 years. For 2 of those years we kept our relationship quiet for a few different reasons. The first being Harry knew that I would have a fair bit of hate, which would be expected since his fans just want the best for him. I was worried that people (news outlets) would say I’m only with him for the money and fame. Harry is a private person just as I am and neither of us really wanted our relationship out in the public. We enjoyed our own little bubble. Unfortunately our own little bubble was burst after Harry’s phone was hacked and photos of us cuddled on the sofa and kissing were leaked. Harry’s PR team we’re amazing and during any interview about our relationship Harry always responds with “I’d like to keep that part of my life private”. Of course I love him and I know he loves me, but there are times when I can feel very insecure thanks to the media. I try not to look at it, but it’s everywhere.

Before Harry, I was in another relationship. It was toxic. He would often point out little imperfections of mine which caused me to become quite self conscious. Since dating Harry things did get better, but just like anyone you have good days and bad days.

Harry is currently on a break from tour, so I’ve come away with him and his family. Gemma and I are sunbathing while Harry went to get us some drinks. I smile as I watch Harry walking back to us. He’s then stopped by a woman who at first I thought was just a fan, and maybe she is, but when I see her flirting with Harry the insecurities start to bubble

"Are you ok?” Gemma asks, probably seeing my smile drop. She’s beautiful. Long flowing brown hair, tan long legs, and even from here I can tell her skin is so clear she doesn’t need any makeup.

"Look at her"

"Who the girl?"

"Yeah. Look she's so pretty nothing like me. Sometimes I wonder why Harry’s with me. I have stretch marks on my thighs, cellulite, my skin isn’t perfect. My stomach isn’t flat. I just can’t help but think he could do so much better than me” I turn to look at Gemma who’s become my best friend over the last few years.

"Oh YN. I know you struggled after your ex. He was an awful human. But you know just as well as I do that Harry doesn't care about all that. He’s not a shallow person. He loves you just the way you are. God he doesn’t shut up about you half the time. I’ve heard he whines most of the time on your asking when your arriving”

“Everythin’ ok?” Harry asks walking over to us frowning

"I'm going to give you two some space" Gemma gets up and walks over to Anne and Robbin. I a sit up and cross my legs looking down at the stretch marks staring at me

"What's wrong?"

"Why are you with me?"

"Because I love you. You know that" Harry says confused. I sigh "is this about that girl?" I nod my head "oh YN come here" Harry pulls me into him "yes she was flirtin but I told her that I had a girlfriend that I love very much. She then apologised and asked if she could have my autograph. I said no because ‘m on holiday and would like to enjoy m’self. You know I love you more than I ever thought could be possible”

“Even though I’m not a hollywood supermodel?”

“You are one in my eyes. You are smart, kind, and very sexy” this makes me laugh a little as Harry kisses my cheek

"I’m sorry. I try not the be so insecure”

“I know you do love. You don’t need to apologise. Your still learnin to love yourself after your ex and deal with the media”

“How did I get so lucky with you?”

“More like how did I get so lucky with you. Love you”

“Love you too”

#harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x oc #harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction

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mindmeltonabun-blog · 4 months

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My Demon: Theories and Analysis for Eps 1-6

Hi Readers!

Let me start this post by saying what I originally wrote was just deleted after I hit the "save draft" button on Tumblr. I'm so pissed because I had spent hours working on this post!! For those who have followed my blog for a very long time, you know I usually provide a very in-depth analysis of dramas.

Given what just happened and time constraints, I will keep this post very short. I may make mini posts next week to further elaborate on some points discussed here, but it just depends on if I have the time.

If you have any questions, please feel free to hit the "ask me anything" button and I will try my best to answer them promptly. I hope "My Demon" fandom won't be as toxic as the "Alchemy of Souls" fandom and misuse the "ask me anything" button to send me death threats or insults. If you don't like what I write, you can simply scroll along. The end. Also, don't plagiarize my shit. This was a huge issue during AOS and I really didn't appreciate it at all. If you want to use my ideas, give me credit for them.

Ok, let’s put on our thinking caps. Time to analyze and theorize!

Demons

In the context of this show, “demons” are individuals who used to be human but are now forced to fulfill human wishes in order to keep on living forever. The terms are simple: humans get their deepest desires fulfilled but will die in 10 years and go to hell. For demons, as long as they sign new contracts and collect souls, they won’t combust and be wiped from existence. It remains unknown how often demons must sign contracts/collect souls before they start to combust. Before demons were loan sharks, they were guardians of humans.

We start this drama with Jeong Gu Won, who has lived happily for the last 200 yrs as a demon. Gu Won has no recollection of his human life. We don’t know if this aspect of Gu Won is something present in all demons or just him. Gu Won’s perfect little world is turned upside down after he saves Do Do Hee from Rash Dude aka Jeffrey Dahmer. Now, we don’t know why his tattoo was transferred to Do Hee but it’s implied the full moon and water had something to do with it. If you have read other posts of mine, you will know that when there’s a full moon it usually means a transformation and a new start. The whole falling into the water could be viewed as a sort of baptism, symbolizing the end of an old life and the beginning of a new life. I feel like before this show ends, Gu Won and Do Hee will end up in the water under the full moon again to symbolize Gu Won’s full transformation into a human. Like right now he’s like a quasi-demon haha. His transformation into a full human is currently ongoing. I think that as he starts to develop more human emotions/remember his human memories, his powers as a demon will begin to decline.

Gu Won’s Past Life…A Story of Crime and Punishment

One thing I’ve learned from analyzing many dramas over the years is when a writer shows us a book or mentions a movie, we should look into them if we want a glimpse into what will happen in a drama. Now in Ep 1, you see #2 Wild Dog reading, “Crime and Punishment” by Fyodor Dostoevsky which was hilarious because he didn’t strike me as the type to read such a dense piece of literature. Seeing this book took me back to my high school days when we had to read and analyze this book. For those who don’t know, Russian works tend to be very long and are usually about suffering haha.

For the sake of time, I’ll you a very brief overview of what happened in “Crime and Punishment”. The story begins with a law student, Rodion Raskolnikov, who quits school because he can’t afford it anymore. The guy then has a mental breakdown of sorts and decides to kill the elderly owner of the pawnshop and her half-sister. He justifies his actions by rationalizing that by killing the pawnshop owner, he could take the valuables within her pawn shop and use them to fund his education which would eventually earn him a well-paying job. In turn, he would use the money earned to benefit the greater good.

Raskolnikov saw himself as an Ubermensch (if you don’t know that means, I had briefly talked about it in my DAYS posts). He believed that since he was above everyone else, he was allowed to cross all societal, ethical, and moral lines because his success would help the greatest amount of people. The rest of the novel is about Raskolnikov’s internal struggles with what he did. He goes back and forth between confessing or not confessing to the murders. Eventually, the love interest in the story, Sonia, a devout Christian and source of morality for Raskolnikov, convinces him to turn himself in and confess. Raskolnikov ends up only having to serve a total of 8 years in a labor camp for the murders. While there, he finally realizes the errors of his ways and feels guilt for his past actions. He then was like “Sonia’s love saved me and I feel bad for making her suffer so when I get out, I’m going to repay her with infinite love for all she has done for me”. And bam! That’s where the story ends…with the start of his journey toward redemption haha.

Gu Won is Raskolnikov in the sense that he thinks he’s better than everyone else and can therefore cross any line he so chooses. Based on a flashback in Ep 6, it seemed Gu Won had this kind of mindset even before he became a demon. So, what crime did Gu Won commit that landed him in Hell in the first place? I wouldn’t label it so much as an actual crime like murder but Gu Won probably got Do Hee’s past self killed. The guilt he felt after her death is probably what led to him become essentially trapped in a mental Hell, much like Madam Ju. Eventually, this guilt prevented him from entering heaven after he died. God/Lady probably took pity on him and offered him salvation in the form of becoming a demon; alternatively, it could be that God/Lady offered him a "sweet" contract where he could work as a demon in exchange for a second chance and a happier life with Do Hee in the future. Regardless of whatever the case may be, the important thing is that Gu Won needs to remember what happened in his past so he can seek forgiveness from Do Hee in the present and start his path toward redemption much like Raskolnikov. The truth sets you free haha. Gu Won is taking a step in the right direction though by protecting Do Hee. He could be like Raskolnikov and choose to give Do Hee infinite love for the rest of his life to make up for the horrible things he did to her in the past haha. Oh, one more thing for this section, the tattoo being on Do Hee’s wrist could symbolize that she was the reason why he became a demon in the first place.

Murders of Do Hee’s Parents and Madam Ju/Who Is Abraxas

In my original post, this section was long, but as I previously mentioned, the stuff I wrote was deleted. I’m just going to give you the overall gist of it. I still think the person who killed Madam Ju was Ju Seok Hun and that the person who killed Do Hee’s parents was Madam Ju’s little brother/Seok Hun’s father. I don’t think Madam Ju directly killed Do Hee’s parents, but she felt guilty for their deaths because she covered up the incident to protect her little brother. After which, she cut him off and exiled him to Peru to live a hippie life haha. This is completely speculative though. Like we have two choices for who murdered Do Hee’s parents and Madam Ju. Choice #1 is Noh Suk Min and Noh Do Gyeong and Choice #2 Seok Hun’s father and Seok Hun. One argument I made for choice #2 is that if Suk Min and Do Gyeong were the real killers, wouldn’t the actor who played Do Gyeong be a main lead instead of a supporting character? Another argument was that Seok Hun has too many conflicting qualities about him. For example, he is a hippie who works in the corporate world and despite portraying a goody-two-shoes image, he suggests Do Hee should engage in some ethically questionable business practices like letting Mirae Investments buy shares of Mirae F&B to offset the losses.

It’s also important to remember what Do Hee said about “sweet” things and how they’re always fake (except for Gu Won haha). Seok Hun is faker than acrylic nails. He puts on an act that he cares about her well-being when in reality, he hopes she dies. He must continue with this nice guy act because he doesn’t want her death to lead back to him. Just think about some things for a moment, if Do Hee died, who would the police suspect killed her? Would it be the people who openly voiced their disdain for her or the person whom she had a loving relationship with? It would be the former. The scene with Do Gyeong at the lockers is essentially Seok Hun setting him up to take the fall for Do Hee’s murder. At the end of the day, human greed is what drove Seok Hun to do what he did. Who knows, maybe his greed stems from being subjected to a frugal lifestyle while growing up.

Crosses, Numerology, and Tarot

Amen, we are nearing the end. Ok, let’s keep going at record speed. So, crosses and Catholicism/Christianity are heavily present in this show. The same goes for numbers and tarot. They’re all connected. Some religious crosses can look like an “X” which looks like the Roman numeral 10. The number 10 is everywhere in this show. For example, the little girl was celebrating her 10th birthday and the Wheel of Fortune is the 10th tarot card in the Rider Waite Tarot Deck. Connecting numerology with tarot, the wheel of fortune represents the end of one journey and the beginning of another…1 + 0 = 1, where 1 symbolizes completion.

The clock in the promotional poster has a hand pointing at 10, which is different than the clocks seen at Gu Won’s place that only go from 0-9. While we are on the subject of 9, “Gu” means nine. Every time Gu Won started a new life, he named himself the next number following his current one. For example, he was Il (1) Won, then I (2) Won, and so forth. Now in his 9th life, he is called Gu Won. Get it? Ok, cool. What comes after 9? 10. After Gu Won completes his transformation into a human, he will be called Sip (10) Won haha. Additionally, did anyone notice the number 91 on the cake Do Hee baked for him? What’s 9+1? 10.

Pay attention to the numbers in this show people! Always ask yourself what each number means and what it's connected to haha. When God/the Lady said, "I’m betting on all the odd numbers", many were like what does that mean? She’s referring to the numbers on tarot cards (Rider Waite Deck), which represent Gu Won and Do Hee. For example, which cards represent them? For starters, the 15th card aka the devil. 1+5=6 which is the lovers card. Another odd-numbered tarot card that is representative of Do Hee and Gu Won is the 9th card which is “The Hermit” because let’s be real here, they both were hermits before they met each other. The last major arcana tarot card in the deck is #21…THE WORLD aka GUARANTEED SUCCESS. So this is what God/Lady meant when she said she’s betting on all the odd numbers. It’s the writer’s way of telling us we are going to get a happy ending after all the chaos that will occur.

One more intriguing number is 17. If you sniff around, you’ll notice that 17 is the number of years that have passed since Do Hee’s parents died. 17 is also the number of the coin locker where Jeffrey and Seok Hun exchange stuff. Hilariously, Gu Won’s passcode to his safe is “666”, which is the number of the beast/devil haha. In the newspaper clipping about the Sunwol Foundation, it said the theater was completed on June 7, 1977 and Gu Won’s name during that time was Chil (7) Won haha. The number 7 is seen as lucky in Korean and many Western cultures.

MISC

The cross necklace Gu Won wears probably belonged to Do Hee’s past self or was given to Gu Won by Do Hee…..OH I just made another connection…..In “Crime and Punishment”, Sonia gave Raskolnikov a cross necklace. Also, in Crime and Punishment, Sonia was a prostitute and Do Hee was essentially one during the Joseon dynasty…. Kisaeng and prostitutes are basically the same thing haha. It’s also interesting that both Gu Won and Do Hee wear two necklaces, one silver and one gold. I wonder if there’s any meaning behind that.

In the newspaper clipping about Sunwol Foundation, the term 'Sun/Seon' is written in hanja and translates to 'to return/come back.' This element was part of Gu Won's original name, Yi Sun/Seon. Additionally, 'wol' means moon. Therefore, I interpreted 'Sunwol' to mean 'Sun and Moon' or 'Moon That Returns.' In a broader sense, Sunwol can be likened to the Taj Mahal—a building or monument constructed in memory of a beloved. One could also view Sunwol as a place that narrates the love story of the Sun (Gu Won) and the Moon (Do Hee) or as a place built with the hope that Gu Won’s beloved moon would return one day.

Ok, folks, that concludes this very brief TA post. WOOHOO! Sorry if there were any grammatical mistakes or typos, and if this post seemed a bit disorganized. I really have to get to bed and didn't have time to edit this haha. See you all next week maybe!

#my demon

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balancingtheforce · 2 months

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I was tagged by @femmefighter ! And how sweet is that!! Let’s get to it.

QUESTIONS FOR 15 PALS!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?: No, I’m not named after anyone which I’m glad for!

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: I cried last week, I have big feelings I don’t always know what to do with. You know how it is.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?: No, I don’t. But I would like to adopt or foster one day. That’s a big goal of mine.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/ HAVE YOU PLAYED?: I love badminton a lot! Tennis too. I am not a coordinated person so I enjoy playing with all my limbs in any attempt to actually hit something.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?: I do, but I won’t say I use it well! I just like to give myself a good laugh.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?: For me, I’m certainly a body language reader, so when we first meet, I’m trying to gauge you based on that and tone of voice to try and understand your mood and feelings. Also, I’m listening to your laugh because I love hearing other people laugh.

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR?: Hazel.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?: I won’t say no to a happy ending but I do love a scary movie. Mainly a psychological thriller. I want to be tormented and have the movie end with me saying “ what the fuck did I just watch?”.

ANY TALENTS?: “Talents” is quite a strong word, I don’t know if I’m per se talented in anything, I just enjoy certain activities. To me, the word “talented” means you’ve achieved a certain high skill level, and that’s too much to me haha

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?: Portland, Oregon here in the States.

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?: I enjoy woodworking, painting and other half assed things I’ve picked up over the years that semi resemble some sort of craft. I have a billion and one ideas and about half as many projects to complete because I have to try everything and struggle to finish one of them. I love dabbling in anything that you can do with your hands and looks something like art. Also, I love collecting Star Wars toys because I’m a giant child. ‘99 was the best year ♥️

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: I don’t have any pets of my own currently, no. But I’ve always lived and grown up with cats, and I love them a lot. I had a pug once and he was always so fun.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?: 5’5.

FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?: I had a lot, but for sure marine biology. Such a fantastic class and had some great opportunities thereafter. Very involved and hands on and living off the Puget Sound just made it that much better. I took four years of woodshop then as well, and that had a massive impact on me too that I won’t soon forget. I did break two fingers then and that was quite something!

DREAM JOB?: I’m one of those people that is constantly changing their “dream job”. Maybe that’s only natural as we get older, I don’t know! Once it was being a film editor, then it was a marine biologist, then I wanted to be a furniture designer and maker, then I thought I’d be a school counselor. So you know, just give me 15 minutes and I’m sure I’ll think of something else to do in the world!! Hahaha 😆

I’ll tag a few of you out there and give this a go, if you so wish! It’s alway nice to get to know more about one another and I enjoy seeing you bunch around on here!

@firerose @wrenandshinpy @vesperlily @rizz-god @paper-moon-beams @sundogriverwolf @roguegona @bitch-of-the-year-6661 @amerikated @gavfleetout @whiteravengreywolf

Thanks again @femmefighter ! This was very nice!

#tag game

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intothewings · 4 months

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Hi Esmee! I just wanted to say ily and thank you soooo much. The advice you gave me in August helped me get and I finally got an interview with Southwest. The headquarters is in my city so my first interview is F2F. I’m very nervous because really terrible at makeup and nail stuff, even at 23 years old it’s so embarrassing and I don’t know what I should do, I’m freaking out because I only have a week and a half left! I already have my outfit picked out I would like to send a photo to see what you think but I can’t on anon😖😖

Omg YAY congratulations! 🥳🎉 You’re very welcome, that’s so exciting!!! Just so you know, even if you live in the same city/state as headquarters they will only bring you in straight away for F2F if your app really stands out. SWA always does video or phone to start, so this is a good sign! That will be your first and only interview. Be proud because you skipped a whole step! 🤩

Sorry for the kind of late reply, I had a busy day yesterday and I wanted to be as informative as possible because I have been in your shoes and I know how nerve wracking and overwhelming it can be. Numerous airlines are shifting away from makeup being a requirement for female flight attendants. When I flew mainline, I didn’t wear makeup to training and I rarely wore it to fly, never had any issues. Don’t psych yourself out because I still don’t feel like I’ve perfected mine, and I do just fine at recurrent training and inflight. Also, here is from a video from last night with no filter after I took off my makeup to show what my skin looks like currently. I won’t try to act like I have much to cover up because I don’t. I have my mom’s genetics and she never had acne. My skin is consistent for the most part, so I’m not the greatest person to ask if you have issues with your skin.<3 I just do natural monochrome makeup with rose gold colors to match my warm undertone! Don’t be embarrassed or intimidated, because I’m not very skilled at makeup either and I’m 26 years old lmao.

I wear sunscreen everyday, the neutrogena hydroboost because it’s water based and makes your skin glowy and no white cast! Bb cream, cream blush/bronze, mascara, powder (nars translucent light reflecting powder is the prettiest ever), elf coconut setting spray, a sparkly pink eyeshadow and abh eyebrow powder. I only use concealer if I have a spot, nars matte pot concealer lasts me the whole year and looks perfect. Under eye concealer is very bad for your skin. The under eye skin is very thin and absorbs makeup faster and deeper, makeup blocks the pores and eventually makes your under eye skin look even more dark and dull.

For eyes I use glossier lidstar in cub which is really easy to work with. It’s liquid/cream rose gold, doesn’t crease, and you can build it up to look really metallic and concentrated. They have a pastel pink shade for fair complexions as well, I forget the name but it will be on their website and at Sephora too I believe. My sister uses it and it’s just as cute! If you prefer powder eyeshadow, I sometimes wear the Charlotte Tilbury pop shot in the color pillow talk diamonds. It’s super pretty and the glitter is very fine so it looks natural and just makes your eyes sparkle.<3 It’s a little more intense than the glossier one, so it’s nice for special occasions and the quality is A+. These are the only two eyeshadows I own and they don’t require blending or anything frivolous of that nature, I always get compliments on my eyes when I wear them!

Left is Charlotte Tilbury. So pretty shiny and pretty!! Right is Glossier. On google image, I could only find people putting it on the sheer way, so I had to use my Polynesian eyes for reference lmao →😁. But hopefully you can see what I mean by building it up to be metallic. I only put it on my actual eyelid part, because the technique of putting on eyeshadow up to your eyebrow (like the photo on the right) looks crazy on me when I do it. I don’t think I have the eye shape or skill set for that style. Btw, this is how my makeup looks without filter in outside lighting. My eyebrows are not done, but I think it looks pretty good other than that.

Matte red lipstick is recommended during f2f and while flying, but I just can’t lmao! I really dislike the look of lipstick on me. I tried wearing it for my first f2f and I felt very self conscious and not myself. Plus, it’s such a hassle to have to keep fixing it and making it look perfect. Anyway, it might look pretty on you, but if not try tinted chapstick or lipgloss, they’re easier to work with and look nice. The four I own are Fenty glow gloss bomb (perfect rose gold lipgloss), Glossier Red, the Burt’s bees pomegranate chapstick and the red dahlia shade. You can get the chapsticks at target and they’re very natural and pretty.

I can do this all in less than 20 minutes! Also, try not to wear makeup unless working or going to an event, it keeps your skin in good health. I just do sunscreen on my free time and Biossance skincare most nights, it’s my holy grail brand and I don’t really use any other skincares.

For nails, I normally get a white gel manicure or a French manicure, oval shape for both. Sometimes I get acrylics (pink/white ombré, coffin shape because the oval breaks faster) if I know I’m having a busy month. You use your hands a lot and won’t have time to find a reputable salon or go and get a touch up on gels while traveling. With acrylics, nothing fancy or super long, no gems or accent nails! Keep it as natural as possible and just wear simple rings if you want accessories. If you do get acrylics, make sure you get a nail brush to clean the underside when you wash your hands. It’s a must! You should always research and look at reviews for any salon you go to, because some of these places are uncleanly and you will end up with fungus on your nails or infected cuticles.

To take good care of my natural nails I use the OPI nail envy and CND solar cuticle oil. If I do my own nails, I use Sally Hansen cuticle remover, and either Sally Hansen Xtreme in invisible (clear) or the Chanel nail polish in insomniaque (white). Chanel polish is expensive, but it lasts weeks without chipping. I tossed all my other nail polishes awhile back so it’s the only one I use besides clear. I’m not buying nail polishes anymore because white nail polish goes with everything and it’s appropriate for any occasion/season. If I make a mistake I go into the side of my nails with a plastic cuticle pusher (it’s so precise) or a Qtip with Zoya nail polish remover. Again, that’s the only nail polish remover I use. The straight acetone from the drug store tears up your nails and cuticles overtime. My mom taught me to always use a glass nail file on my real nails, never an emery board. Glass nail files are a bit more time consuming, but it’s worth it if you don’t want your nails to split. I keep this one in my purse! It’s cheap and lasts years if you take good care of it.

(Sorry for the terrible pics. The photo on the right is how my natural nails look with the products I use.)

Also, come off anonymous to show me your outfit, I won’t bite! If you’re too shy no worries<3 I always do a fitted ribbed turtleneck, respectable high waisted skirt (no minis!!!), and black sheer tights/nude tights with a 2-inch heel or ballet flats. All black everything! It looks professional, elegant and modest. Make sure to steam/iron!!

Once you go inflight, please invest in well made genuine LEATHER shoes, comfort shoe inserts, a shoe shining kit, compression tights and a GOOD flight bag. It’s very important if you want to be comfortable and save $$$. Having your feet swell up in cheap shoes you have to keep replacing will literally make you want to go postal. Only buy round toe, no square or pointed. Those shapes destroy your posture and the motor of your feet PERMANENTLY and they will cause your feet to become pointed like a triangle in a way that’s irreversible. You will save yourself so many blisters. No compression tights = pain, swelling, and varicose veins, so please compress!<3

I don’t know what brand of heels I wear exactly because I got them at some random boutique, but they look nearly identical to the ones in the photo. I have Repetto lou ballerinas, a patent pair and regular pair and I’m obsessed with them. Worth ever single penty lol. The craftsmanship and fit are unmatchable. Some airlines don’t allow ballet flats, so you’ll have to check with SWA. I’m allowed it at my airline, plus I wear them outside of work with my outfits so win win. I always shine my shoes after I wear them because it keeps them in good condition and reminds me to look and make sure I don’t need to take them to the cobbler for repairs.

I get teased for my heels sometimes but I literally do no care lmao, they’re cute to me and also, the heels with the thin stem (or whatever it’s called) are not suitable for working in unless you want nerve damage. There’s 0 reasons to be walking through the airport in stilettos, that’s insane.

The bag I have is the nylon OG 2 size large from Lo & Sons. Perfect shape (it’s so cute and unique), love the gold hardware, multiple pockets to organize my iPad and paperwork, inside water bottle holder, shoe compartment at the bottom, I can fit at least two outfits/uniforms in this thing, and it has the back part where you can slide it over your luggage handle if you don’t want to use luggage hooks. I searched high and low for a bag shaped like this that has gold hardware to match my jewelry. I’m really particular lol, so it’s chefs kiss fr. I’m obsessed with it and I’ve never seen another person carrying it. Almost every flight attendant I know carries Tumi and the bags are like $800 when they’re not even that good. 😭💔 Always keep your crew tags on your luggage because baggage handlers will have more respect for your items that way. Many of them slam people’s belongings around habitually and that crew tag really makes them stop and think. If they tear up crew luggage the airport is responsible for replacing it. Like, they have to write you a check stat. I didn’t know this until my second year flying.

Here is the crew cooler that every flight attendant waxes poetic about including me. 48-can all back. It doubles as a carry on if you don’t want to pack your meals/snacks in it.

If you wear a perfume, try to wear something that’s not overpowering. D&G pour femme is my signature scent because it’s feminine and cute. Marshmallow and babydoll is how I describe it, so go for something soft like that if you can. The amount of people who come in wearing Chanel N°5 and Dior Sauvage is absolutely insane, and it’s at every single recruitment/training too. 😭 I know the smells by heart now. No hate to other people’s signature scents, but it’s literally nauseating when everyone and their mother is drenched. Less is more when it come to perfume imo. You want recruiters to be focused on your personality not your fragrance.

IMPORTANT FOR YOUR NERVES:

If you haven’t looked into STAR method for interviews do it asap so you can practice, all airlines use it!

If you have any tattoos, they have to be small enough for you to cover up or else they won’t pick you. Most flight attendants I know use derma blender foundation because it’s waterproof and full coverage. If they can be seen when you have a short sleeve and skirt on, that is a problem. It needs to be made undetectable with foundation because the recruiters and instructors will be watching you like a hawk when you interview, train, and do your ditch.

Make sure your hair is a natural color.

You need to have your passport!!!! I didn’t have mine during my first F2F because they never told me and I didn’t think about that. They were not very happy about it and I had to pay extra in order to have it expedited. It was nerve wracking because if you don’t have your passport by the time you do your IOE they send you home.

Make sure to stay off your phone and mingle with other interviewees at your F2F or else you will look antisocial.

I’m sure they didn’t tell you this, but you’re taking a 5-panel drug test that same day after after you get your training date. DOT is onsite and they don’t play. Whoever fails is banned from reapplying to ANY commercial or private airline for up 5 years, FAA regs.

Lastly, when you get home after your interview immediately start memorizing American IATA and airline codes, you will be grateful you did in the long run. Training is like doing a full semester of college in one month. There is so much to learn and memorize so it’s good to get a head start.

Anyway, I hope this was helpful. Don’t feel pressured to get any of these exact items, but hopefully you can use it as inspo!<3 Remember to show your true personality and smile, it shows your inner beauty and happiness! Southwest flight attendants are very laid back and silly, they like doing their little jokes during their takeoff and landing lol. You will love them. Hopefully I will see you in the skies someday soon! You got this, I’m so happy for you and good luck! 🍀 I will say a prayer and make a wish in your favor! Please let me know if you have any more questions, LOVE YOU!<3 :D ✈️🌎🧳

P.S. I got your other message, I think I might have forgotten to tag your first question (sorry) but it should still be there if you scroll!

#flight attendant

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hellfiremunsonn · 2 years

Text

Seven Days. Eddie Munson x Reader.

Seven days.

I do not allow my writing to be republished anywhere other than my own blog without my consent

AN: with the current news of the Roe vs Wade I wanted to write something involving abortions and what as people with uterus’s should have the right to do. With support from everyone around them. My blog is PRO CHOICE and if you don’t agree with that, then kindly unfollow me. I wanted to write this, so if anyone who has been through this, can have a comfort character to comfort and support them. I know I may not write the best Eddie as someone else, but if you can find some sort of comfort from my writing then I’ve done my job.

The procedure of the abortion is updated to how it would be now, if you take the pill. Because in the 80′s it wasn’t around until much later and I wanted it to be more relevant for the people who have experienced it during more modern times.

18 + IF YOU ARE NOT 18 OR OLDER DO NOT READ OR INTERACT WITH MY WRITING. IT IS NOT INTENDED FOR MINORS. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME.

Word count: 2431

Warnings: Talk of abortions, process of abortion (ie: medicine, symptoms, what to expect) emotional from said experience, fem reader, super supportive Eddie.

The warm sun coated my back as I sat on top of a picnic bench furthest from Eddies trailer anxiously waiting for him to get home from school.

I avoided him and everyone else for a week. I didn't contact them at all, I simply disappeared. Seven days since I knew. Pulling out a crumpled looking box of cigarettes from my pocket I took one out and placed it between my lips as I searched for the lighter next. Bringing the small metal lighter Eddie had once loaned me to my face I cupped my hand around the flame, protecting it from the wind. Inhaling deeply I closed my eyes. Letting the burn from the nicotine inflate my lungs before blowing it back out.

Quiet footsteps crunching the dying grass beneath them distracted me briefly as I turned to see the small ginger girl I had become so familiar with. Max. She was like my little sister, and I saw her often seeing as I was always with Eddie, considering he lived only a few meters away.

Stepping up onto the bench and sitting down on the table next to me she rested her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her, giving her shoulder a small squeeze. "Where have you been?" She whispered.

"Home" I said quietly, flicking the end of the cigarette slightly, allowing the ash at the end to fall off and blow away in the small breeze. "I fucked up Max" I said feeling tears well up in my eyes. I know it wasn't the best idea to confide in such a young teenager, but Max's brain was too big for her own good, her hard life making her learn to grow up a little sooner than she needed to.

"What happened?"

Leaning away from her slightly, I reached into my other pocket. Pulling out that stupid plastic stick and handed it to her. She held it in her hands for a moment before muttering. "Shit"

"Yeah" I nodded. "Shit"

Placing it between us she leaned over, taking the half smoked cigarette out of my hands and pulling it to her lips, inhaling softly and exhaling without a single cough. "Aren't you like, not supposed to smoke and shit?" She asked while handing it back to me. A small smile played on her lips, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

"Aren't you a little young to be smoking?" I teased back.

"It's been a rough year" she sighed.

"I'll drink to that" taking one last drag I snubbed the burning end into a dent in the wooden table, making sure to not leave behind even the tiniest of embers that could result in a fire. Max returned her head to my shoulder, interlocking her fingers with mine while we sat for a moment in comfortable silence. The breeze shifting through the trees making them sound like waves crashing in the distance.

"You know what ever you decide to do, you have all the support, from all of us"

My breath hitched. How could such a small gentle human know so much more about the world than I ever could.

"You're my sister" She said quietly. "I just want you safe and happy" A small sniff escaped and she aggressively wiped at her eyes. "I am not crying" she stated as if trying convince herself more than me.

We shared a laugh before turning our attention to the gravel crunching beneath the wheels of eddies van. Slipping the stick back into my pocket I stood up from the table with Max following after me.

"C'mere" I said opening my arms which she gladly engulfed herself in. "I'll catch up with you later yeah?"

"Sounds good to me" she said into my chest. I gave her a quick kiss on the head and watched as she reluctantly walked up to her door step, watching me make my way towards Eddie. Clutching his leather jacket around me a little tighter as if it was going to protect me from whatever happened next.

He didn't notice me at first, minding his business like he usually would, humming to a song and tapping his fingers against his thigh. But the sound of my footsteps on his make shift dirt drive way made him turn his head.

"(Y/N)" he breathed. He looked tired. The discolouration under his eyes, his skin looking unusually pale. I knew it was because of me. Because I vanished without saying anything. Something I told him I would never do.

"Hi" I said quietly. Unable to look him in the eye so I opted to stare at the tips of my very dirty converse. "Can I come in?"

"Of course"

He unlocked the creaky metal door and I followed him up the few steps into his trailer. the familiar smell making my head spin and my heart squeeze. Being away from him for so long had hurt me more than I thought. I sat down on the couch while he leaned against the counter searching my face for any sort of answer.

Finally breaking my gaze away from my feet I looked up at him through wet lashes, tears falling effortlessly and I choked back a sob, crying into my hands. Eddie quickly came to his knees in front of me cradling my face in his hands. "What's going on?" He said softly. Comforting strokes of his thumbs against my cheeks. Taking a shaky breath I reached into the pocket of his leather jacket, pulling out the pregnancy test I took seven days ago, and placed it into his hand.

He leaned back, now sitting down completely on the floor, the test held loosely in his hand. His brows furrowed. "How long have you known?"

"Seven days"

"Seven days?" He repeated. "You vanished for seven days because of this, and didn't tell me?" I could see as he tried to control his breathing. I knew he was angry with me, I was angry with me.

"I was so scared Eds... I'm still so scared" I said staring into my empty hands as if they would somehow give me an answer. "I didn't-" I choked. "I didn't know what to do baby" Fresh heavy sobs coming out from my chest. Getting up from his position on the floor he sat next to me, pulling me into his chest. I clung to him tightly. "It's okay" he whispered, stroking my hair out of my face. "It'll be okay, we will be okay, but most importantly, you will be okay" He held me for a moment. Rocking gently back and forth, attempting to sooth me with small shushes.

"What do you want to do?" He asked after a while.

"I... I can't" I took a deep breath. "Not now Eddie... I can't be a mom right now"

He nodded sympathetically holding my face in his hands. "Okay, and that's fine" He kissed me on the forehead.

"Are you okay with that?"

"It doesn't matter what I'm okay with, it's your body, your mind, your soul, that has to endure anything and everything about this, and truth be told, I don't think I'm really ready to be a dad right now either"

I don't know what I expected. I knew Eddie would be supportive, but I never expected him to be just so understanding, of everything. Being an eighteen year old parent wasn't on my bucket list, and I don't think Eddie would want a kid before graduating.

"Will you go with me?"

"For you I'd go anywhere"

The follow up appointment was two days later. I still hadn't returned to school, and stayed curled up in Eddies bed everyday until the school day was done and he would finally come home. He was upset that he couldn't come into the appointment with me, but the nurse had to ask me many questions including if I was being forced to do this, which I wasn't and Eddie would have never forced me to do it. I swallowed the pill in front of her and after a few minutes of extra explanation I was allowed to leave.

The drive home was quiet and Eddie held my hand the whole way and didn't ask any questions until we made it about half way home. "So can you tell me what's going to happen?" he said rubbing his hand up and down my leg.

I cleared my throat and looked out the window. "So I took the um, what's it called, it had a weird name" I reached forward into my small bag unfolding the paperwork I had been given. Scanning the pages until I found what I needed. "Mifeprestione. She said I might feel a bit nauseous but most women feel fine, and then a day or two later, I take these" I said shaking the box, hearing the pills rattle inside. "Misoprostol, but I stick them between my cheeks and like my gums for half an hour and they'll dissolve, and then whenever they're tiny, I can swallow them" I folded the paper back up and tucked it away into my bag again.

"And then what" He asked rubbing his thumb against my hand.

"Um, then I start will start cramping and bleeding, one to like four hours after taking the Misoprostol, and that can last a couple of hours or couple of days... Kind of like a heavy period. But I can bleed lighter on and off for a week or two after" I sighed, followed by a deep breath. I kept feeling like I couldn't get enough air in my lungs.

Eddie nodded along, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "I have to go back a week or two later, just to make sure it, you know, worked"

Pulling back up to eddies trailer he cut the ignition but neither of us moved, just sitting in the silence. "What can I do to help" He said quietly. His eyes were glossy. I had never seen him cry or get even remotely close to tears. Eddie would get emotional about almost everything, he was passionate about every word that came out of his mouth. But looking at him now nearly broke my heart. Tears brimmed my own eyes. Unclipping my seatbelt I got up onto my knees and wrapped my arms around him. Hugging him tightly. I felt his hands fist my sweater against my back. Like if he let go of me I would disappear into thin air before him. "You're doing more than enough" I reassured.

Pulling back from me, he held me at arms length, still gripping the fabric against me. A single tear rolls down his cheek and I leaned forward and licked it away, gaining a small laugh from him.

The next few hours weren't too bad. My uterus ached as it contracted harshly, and I spent most of the time in the small bathroom of Eddies trailer while he sat outside the bathroom door. I refused to let him in with me, I couldn't let him see me like this. I felt embarrassed... As if he wasn't there when I tripped UP the stairs and scraped my knee, or when I got drunk for the first time and puked all over his shoes, or when I went the whole day with my shirt on inside out and didn't notice until he told me, or that time I cried into him after watching a stupid romance movie, or when I was pmsing, and cried because my shoelace came undone.

After feeling like the worst of it was over I decided to take a shower. "Eddie?" I said quietly.

"Yeah baby? You okay?" He asked quickly from the other side of the door.

"I'm okay" I admitted. "Can you grab me some clean clothes? I'm going to take a quick shower"

"I'll leave em on the counter"

My shower wasn't long and just like Eddie said, a fresh change of clothes were folding on the tiny counter. Thankful for him giving me one of his shirts to wear I slipped it over my head, untucking my damp hair from the collar and pushed it out of my face. Hesitantly I opened the bathroom door, finding Eddie exactly where he was when I entered the bathroom hours before now.

"Hi" He said softly. "Lets go lay down" He said said getting up from the floor, grabbing my hand and taking me to his bed. I crawled across his bed curling up into myself tightly under his blanket. I watched him while he shifted around his room, ridding himself of his tight jeans and into a pair of pyjama pants. He took his rings off and dropped them onto his dresser, each of them clunking loudly on the wood.

Scooting himself next to me, he opened his arms for me inviting me into his chest, but I couldn't bring myself to move to him. Tucking my head into my hands I let out a soft sob. Leaning on his side propped up by his elbow while he rubbed my back with his other hand. Slowly removing the blanket it I had pulled up over my face, he smoothed my hair out of my face and tapped my cheek with his finger, encouraging me to look at him. With a sniffle I raised my eyes to his. "I feel guilty"

He nodded. "Yeah... Look I know you know this" He said rubbing his thumb against my cheek. "But you have nothing to feel guilty about, you did what was right for you"

"Yeah... Maybe not guilty so much, but kind of like... Like" I struggled to find the words. "Like a fuck up? Like, we fucked up, and now I'm here with you and I'm so glad I did what I did, but I feel so guilty that I'm okay with it?"

"Okay first of all getting pregnant doesn't make you a fuck up, and getting an abortion doesn't make you a fuck up, none of this does. Did we mean for it to happen? No, but it did, and we're working through it, and you made one of the toughest choices someone can make, and you've been so fucking brave about it, and I envy that courage. It's something not everyone can you, but you did, and I'm proud of you, and I support you, and I love you, okay?"

I nodded holding back more tears, but finally moved over into him. "Thank you" I whispered.

"I'd get the moon for you if I could"

"I do really like the moon"

"Yeah you really do" He kissed me on the head and played with my hair until I eventually fell asleep.

#Stranger Things #Stranger Things fic #Eddie Munson #Eddie Munson AU #Eddie Munson x reader #x reader #Eddie Munson Fluff #Stranger things fluff #Eddie Munson imagine #Stranger things au #hellfiremunsonn

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daemour · 1 year

Text

Pairing: San x Reader

Genre: ANGST ANGST ANGST HURT NO COMFORT (magic au but not explored)

WC: 1271

Warnings: !!DEATH!!, dead bodies, injuries, blood

Summary: San would die for you, but somehow you didn’t expect it to actually happen.

This is actually a scrapped idea from a current wip of mine~! some parts of the fic are actually still in the main story 👀 (italicised means a memory)

and thank u to @hwasrie again for helping me with the ending! check out their fic, Thank You!

“I’m almost twenty-five now, and I was born in Nahm. I’ve been just travelling to travel, as I never really went far when I was younger. I also really like to sing, since my mom taught me when I was a child. And purple’s my favourite colour.” Your smile widens as your new companion tells you about himself.

“Nahm is so far from where I was born! It’s by the sea, right?” San nods, eyes sparkling at the sight of your excitement. “I’ve never actually been to the sea—it’s the one place I haven’t travelled to yet.”

“Well, then. We’ll just have to stop there sometime for your first time. I’m used to it, but I’m sure you’ll love it. It’s especially pretty during the sunset.” San leans forward with a bright smile on his face. “Let’s count on it. I’ll take you to the sea before we part ways.”

Your eyes are wide and you nod. You’re going to ignore the implication that you’ll inevitably end up going on different journeys. You’re going to focus on the now because these types of moments are what keep you going. “Then I’ll hold you to that.” Before you can say anything else, a yawn rips out of your mouth. “And I think that’s my cue. Have a good night, San.”

“Good night.” San’s eyes don’t leave you, you can feel his stare as you enter your tent and you feel like your face might burn off because of that.

There was something about him that was just so…appealing. The way he paid so much attention to you and his kindness. While it does seem like he doesn't enjoy talking about himself and you're unsure of his motive, he is charming nonetheless.

The loud noises have stopped and you move the branches in front of your eyes to peek into the clearing where your travelling companion of half a year, San had last told you to run and hide. Neither of you had meant to become enemies with a crime lord, but some things cannot be helped which is how you ended up with your magic cut off temporarily and many underlings after both your and San’s necks.

The view is filled with the bodies of the men who had attacked you, but no sight of San. When you strain your ears, you can’t hear anything. Relief hits you, and then panic. Where is San? He told you to hide since you have no skill in physical fighting, and he would fare better without having to protect you. Without thinking, you run into the space and call his name, immediately clapping your hands over your mouth after realising what you’ve done.

A low groan attracts your attention and your head whips around to find San leaning against a tree further away, with blood streaked on the ground near him. “(Y/N),” he breathes out, eyes opening slowly. “Hey.”

“San,” you call desperately, crawling on all fours to the man you call your friend.

“(Y/N), stop,” San breathes out. “I’m sorry.”

You shake your head frantically. “No, I can do this. I can heal you.” Your hands move towards his bodied torso but San grabs your wrists, straining to keep your hands at bay.

“It’s too late, (Y/N), it’s okay. Save your energy—more will come.” His breathing grows more laboured.

“San,” a sob breaks out and your hands fall to your lap. “I’m sorry.”

The wounded man smiles gently, his shaking hands cupping your face. “Don’t cry, pretty girl…keep those tears for when I get a proper burial. You’ll give me one, yeah? Right by the sea I grew up near?”

You nod furiously, wiping your tears away. “Of course. I’ll make it so beautiful.” Tears can’t stop their descent down both your faces no matter how much you scrub at your face. “I’ll have it during sunset and everything. Flowers too. Larkspur, right?”

“San, what’s your favourite flower?” You hum, chin resting on your propped-up knee as you watch San braid a flower chain.

“Mmh, that’s easy. Larkspur,” San says without hesitation, without looking up from his handiwork. “They represent youth and love, which is something I will always stand for. What about you?”

Your eyes shift from San to the field spanning as far as the eye can see. “I’ve never really picked one. I find them all equally deserving of love. But if I had to choose, maybe it would be the larkspur as well.”

Your focus is drifting when you feel something land on your head and you look up to see San smiling, dimples on show. “A flower crown for the princess of my heart.” He winks and your face heats up and you turn away to hide the small smile on your face.

“You’re crazy,” you mumble, amused, and San chuckles and takes a seat beside you, leaning his head on yours.

“Crazy for you.”

San nods, wincing at the pain it brings him and you quickly move to steady him. He coughs and blood spills out of his mouth and if you sobbed at the sight, well, that’s between you and him. “I’ll hold you to that,” he says with considerable effort on his part. “It’d be a shame if I had to haunt you, you know.”

“Stop that,” you say through both tears and your shuddering laughs. “Stop making me laugh.”

“Hmm, sorry, this will be the last time anyways.” You sob harder at his words and San frowns. “I’m sorry, (Y/N). I protected you, but I still hurt you anyways. I’m sorry. Please, don’t forget me but don’t hold to your grief. I will be happier if you let me go.”

“Run” San hisses at you but you shake your head, eyes wide.

“I can’t leave you!” You whisper back with just as much intensity as there is fear swirling in your lower gut.

“You’re going to have to, (Y/N)! They’ll kill you so easily, so quickly. I have a better chance of holding them off. Go hide. Please.”

The desperation in San’s eyes pauses any other arguments coming from you. With one resigned sigh, you nod. “Okay. But you have to come back to me.”

San nods, his eyes softening and he pulls you into a bone-crushing hug and brushes his lips against the side of your head. “I promise. Now go.”

You nod, quieting your sobs and lean down to press your lips against his forehead. The skin is cool to the touch, and you shudder as you know he will soon be gone. You won’t have anyone to laugh with, to share your food with, and no one to keep you warm during nights when the cold is biting into your bones.

San shushes you with a soft voice. “Thank you for letting me come with you. I do hope you find your treasure. (Y/N), I’m glad I got to meet you.” As his words grow faint, his hands slip from your face and he breathes his last.

One last heart-wrenching sob forces its way out of your chest and you can’t help but send healing magic through his veins, although you know in the back of your mind that he will forever be gone. Flowers bloom all around you but San does not move and you collapse onto his body, feelings your throat might rip itself out from your cries.

The more distraught you are, the harder it hurts knowing that you never told San how much you loved him when he was alive. And now, he’s passed without you ever telling him those three words.

#pirateeznet #kvanity #wkcnet #ateez #ateez fanfiction #ateez fanfic #ateez angst #ateez x reader #ateez san #choi san #san fanfiction #san fanfic #san angst #san x reader

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wreywrites · 6 months

Text

Tiger Shark

Part 4: The Anchor

Chapter 23

If last year’s Hunger Games was the longest, this year’s must set some sort of record for the shortest. Within two days nine are dead, and on the fourth day Johanna Mason emerges from her hiding place in the trees and begins hunting down the rest. No one predicted that move. She scored a three, and everyone wrote her off. I even heard a rumor that she cried all through her time in the Training Center. Then the next thing we knew she killed the last six tributes, who made a desperate alliance against her, in two minutes. She was in the arena for five and a half days.

Sitting in the Victor Center, we are all shocked. That’s it, that’s the end. In a few days we’ll all go home and not see each other again until next year, except for the ones who get invited to the Victory Tour party. Johanna’s not even in bad shape. She didn’t have time to start to starve, and nobody messed with her before she went on her killing spree, so she’s not really injured. This is crazy. Why couldn’t I have done that? Oh wait, I did not and never have looked helpless. I couldn’t have sold it. I had to win on confidence.

Next to me, Augustus mutters, “Wish I’d won that fast.”

“I wish you’d won that fast too,” Gloss whispers from behind us. “I was running out of sponsors.”

“I wonder if she had any sponsors.”

“No one I talked to was even considering her. You?”

Augustus shakes his head, glances to his other side. “Megary?”

“Nope. I’ll ask Carver though. He’ll know.”

Carver won the year after Finnick, using the exact opposite strategy as Johanna. Everyone knew he was the one to beat from the start, and no one could do it. He killed over half of the other tributes. I’m not scared of many of the other victors, but I am scared of him. He’s one who Beck says entered the arena the same person as he came out, which is concerning. No one should be able to kill that easily and feel no differently about it.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The next night, we all dress up and go to the highlight show. I, along with the rest of the victors, am seated exactly where I looked last year when I didn’t want to look at the screen. I wonder if Johanna will do the same thing, or if she’s cold-blooded enough to watch her own victory.

I don’t find out, because when the cannon booms and the Hunger Games start, I drift back into my own terrible memories of those first ten minutes in the arena. I come around a long time later, Finnick silently holding my hand on one side. On the other, Porter Millicent Tripp is pointedly looking straight ahead, bringing no attention to me. The solidarity among victors never ceases to amaze me.

It is only another fifteen or so minutes before the highlight reel is over. The final shot is Johanna raising her axe to the sky in triumph as she falls to her knees. I may be biased, but I think mine looked better.

Then President Snow gives her a golden crown and presents her to the audience, and I am officially no longer the current victor. It is a surprising weight off my shoulders. In fact, I am almost happy when we arrive at President Snow’s mansion.

This party is almost fun, even in my instability. The focus is not on me, so it’s not likely anyone will notice if my mind decides to take a long walk down traumatizing memory lane. I still have a fair amount of well-wishers, fans who are glad that I’ve made a full recovery from my illness but were disappointed that I had to cancel my Victory Tour. I thank them all, then eat two enormous slices of prime rib and drink several glasses of champagne. Finnick raises an eyebrow but says nothing.

I dance with anyone who asks. Dad’s been giving me lessons again, so I am much more confident this year. Augustus has me for two songs in a row. We talk and laugh and I am already looking forward to seeing him again next year. When I tell him that at the end of the second song, he laughs and says, quietly, “That’s how they get you,” then passes me off to Finnick, who trades him Megary.

“I see you found some friends,” Finnick spins me around.

“I didn’t believe Beck when he told me it got easier, but I’m kind of attached to them.”

Finnick smiles. “I like those two. Megary may act tough, but she’s a softy. And Augustus is… well, he’s never had to lie about himself.”

“Are they…” I’m not sure how to phrase this nicely. We are, after all, in polite company. I can’t exactly use the word I would if I was talking to my fishing crew. “A thing?”

“Not according to anyone who would know.”

“What does that mean?”

He answers very quietly. “They both get the same deal I do. Same deal Cashmere and Gloss get. Same deal Johanna’s going to get. And they’re from different districts, so we can’t have that.”

I’m reminded of Megary’s words. “Why haven’t I had to…?”

“Same reason you’re not a mentor. You’re too risky. Imagine spending an obscene amount of money for the promise of a night with Megary, and then she spends it curled up in a ball, hearing voices. You’re not going to recommend the investment.”

“Oh. I didn’t know they knew.”

“Of course they know. Your stint in the med center here convinced them that they don’t want to risk it. At least not right now. And by the time you get better, since it’s been this long already, you might be old news and not worth the risk even if it’s much less of one.”

“Oh.”

We finish the song in silence, and I am rescued from my thoughts by Cassia Vickers, who appears next to us and begs Finnick for a dance.

“Only if you promise we can have a piece of cake after,” he smiles.

Cassia nods, and Finnick picks her up for a waltz.

I make my way toward the rim of couches, but I am intercepted by Gloss, who spins me across the dance floor.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. Too bad you had to cancel the tour.”

“Yeah, you seem really beat up about it.”

He smiles. “Robbed of the annual party none of us ever look forward to? I’m still trying to emotionally recover.”

“Sure you are.”

“Well if you really feel guilty about it, I’m free after the party.”

“Sadly, we’re leaving tonight. Maybe next year.”

“Drew the short straw, huh?”

“Something like that. I think Finnick ran out of dates.”

Gloss laughs. “Glad to see you’re keeping him out of trouble. He needed a friend. Or, whatever you’re calling it.”

I give him a look.

“You don’t have to be a genius to notice what your fellow victors are up to. You just have to be careful when it all plays out.”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

As the party winds down, I bid Augustus and Megary goodnight and goodbye until next year. Finnick and I take a car to the train station, where Mags, Beck, Cellin, and Manta are already getting on the train. We follow them into the main car. Cellin and Manta each take a whole bottle of alcohol and stagger into the next car. Finnick slumps over the dining table and is asleep before the train starts moving. Mags, Beck, and I pick over the food before moving to the couches.

Mags asks how the party was.

“Good enough. More fun when it’s not all about me.”

Beck nods. “And you’ve got friends you can look forward to seeing next year. That’s the only way to get through it with a smile.”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Johanna’s Victory Tour is much more successful than mine. The people love her, but I don’t think it’s the same way they love Megary and Finnick and Augustus, or even the same way they love Gloss and me. It’s the kind of love that comes from total fear. Johanna is vicious and bitter, and she doesn’t hold back. Even her speeches are delivered venomously, but no one cares because they think it’s all part of her persona.

When she comes to Four, the six victors are invited to the banquet. And by invited, I mean sent clothes to wear. It isn’t an option. But Four is always good for a party, so I don’t imagine it will be too bad. When they seat me next to her, I’m more than a little concerned about a personality clash, but it turns out she isn’t too bad. I’ve never done anything to her, so she doesn’t hold anyone else’s actions against me. Very generous.

“Any advice for how to live with myself?” she asks over seafood stew.

I take a bite, thinking about it. “Tell your friends how much they mean to you.”

“Can’t,” she says nonchalantly. “Wasn’t that popular before I went in, and after I got out, everyone left was too afraid to associate with me.”

“Tell your parents you love them,” Finnick says from across the table.

“Dead.” She sounds like she doesn’t care.

“Drink,” Beck says from my other side. “If you don’t have anything else left, that’s the only way to sleep at night.”

Again, I can’t help but wonder what he’s been through.

“I’ll take that under consideration. What do you do for fun?” Johanna changes the subject like it is nothing, and with no change of careless tone.

Now I wonder what she’s been through.

****

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Tag List:

@avoxrising @snow-dragon-rider @anakins-ride-or-die

#wrey writes #the hunger games #thg: tiger shark #annie cresta #finnick odair #johanna mason #dissociation #ptsd #mentions of canon typical violence

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twobigears · 1 year

Text

2023 New Year Goals and Reviews and Stuff

I usually do goal and review posts every year just like everyone else, but if I did this for 2022 I sure can’t find it. Maybe I was too lazy, which would surprise no one.

2022

This felt like a fairly chill year overall, which is probably a good thing.

We did some hiking and camping. As always, we could have done more.

Chandra made good progress in her iliospoas rehab that started at the end of 2021 (def a reason we didn’t hike as much, especially in the first half of the year). She is cautiously returning to agility and we’ll see how that goes.

Chandra did some more obedience training and also made good progress there. We didn’t trial other than some at-home WRCL runs.

Blizzard really picked up her agility trialing! She had her first full year of trialing after a slow start largely due to covid.

Between virtual runs and real trials, Blizzard made her way up to Masters in USDAA and Level 5 in CPE. She earned her MPD (Masters level title in USDAA) and is about halfway to her PDCH (championship title)

I finished 3/4 of my schooling for my GIS certificate and transition away from dog training to a new career. There is still a lot of anxiety going on with that, but the mental relief of getting away from agility-as-a-job has been soooo worth it.

I put more effort into self-improvement mentally and physically! After years of yo-yoing and steadily creeping weight gain, I revamped habits, made better choices, and lost about 25lbs. I admit this came after hitting a mental low point (and high weight point) early in the year when I was sitting in a hotel room eating grocery store chocolate cake with my fingers because I ‘needed’ it. The cake wasn’t even that good.

I also reined in my internet and social media habits, especially Facebook as recently mentioned. But also things like not scrolling my phone in bed at night, and not checking it first thing in the morning either. I think a lot of people these days have some sort of social media addiction, or at least way too much there, and Facebook was mine. For a long time I knew how bad it was making me feel for a hundred different reasons, but it was still a struggle to quit or cut back. I finally managed it in the last couple months of 2022 and I really do feel soooo much better just ignoring my friends feed and going on primarily to check some hobby groups. It is so much easier to spend less than 5-10 minutes a day there versus the hours I used to spend. Unfortunately I’ve kind of replaced the FB addiction with a Reddit addiction, which is something to work on in 2023....

I got myself spayed and off of hormonal birth control! It’s only been about five weeks but I can already feel the mental benefits and I’m so glad I did it. Only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. I look forward to seeing how my brain and body continue to change and hopefully for the better. HBC is great for so many reasons (esp the No Babies part, so I have no regrets for that), but it’s also got shitty baggage.

Seems like a lot of 2022 was about me, which was probably more than a little overdue. As they say, put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. ~self care~ and all that!

What’s up for 2023?

Continue monitoring Chandra’s rehab and see how it goes and how she does with some agility again. I have a pipe dream goal of finishing her PDCH (she needs 8 Qs, even less than Blizzard) but I don’t want to be selfish about it. So we’ll see.

Obedience...idk. We’ll keep doing some training but at this point I’m not sure about trialing. The obedience community really does it make hard to love. Maybe later on I’ll feel interested again. I don’t want to regret not doing it, like I regret not finishing Ryker’s CD before he died.

Blizzard, I would love to finish her PDCH! It might be tough to do given the lack of USDAA trials here but I think it is still a possibility.

At this point I’ve put thoughts of Next Dog on hold for a while again. I’m currently enjoying the two dog life, backing away from dog sports again, and doing more non-dog things (even though a lot of it still involves them anyway, like hiking and camping). Plus with us likely moving, me hopefully getting a new job, I think it’s good to just not add another dog to the mix until all that has settled. I won’t say Next Dog is totally out of the question for 2023, but right now it’s unlikely and not something I’m planning to actively pursue.

At some point this year we’re planning to move to Minnesota. No specific timeline yet, but probably summer-ish. It will be incredibly sad to leave Colorado...

I’ll finish school this spring, hopefully find a real adult job in that field (yay..) and not have this schooling be for nothing.

Continue reinforcing and improving my habits for mental and physical health. I’ve been considering getting into bouldering for something different in the physical activity realm, so I’ll probably check that out. Plus the usual hiking and camping. Gotta get out and see some places before we leave! Then have new places to check out when we move.

Hmmm yeah I think that’s it so far. 😂

#long post is long #goals

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robo-milky · 1 year

Text

[Vent: This will be my last update about my wrists! Thank you for those who took the time to read and/or sent “get-well-soon”s- It does mean a lot! Anything relating to more personal issues can be very taxing to read or “not what I signed up for” and that’s perfectly valid!! In the end, we are strangers on the web ^^ Feels like the more I post updates or anything— it feels very attention seeking— so I want to make this a good send off. I might update/edit the log if anything comes up.]

A little bit about why the sudden change in art style

Acknowledgements: There are bigger issues in the world, there are threatening crises and positions people face that could be physically/and or emotionally damaging. My condition isn’t chronic, but for those who have do have life-long issues— my heart really goes out to them; I’ve only been through the tip of the iceberg of what they might have been through.

It’s hypocritical of me to make posts about having to recover/exhausting myself from writing/drawing, yet I still draw anyways. I guess I wanted to end this off comically— making silly memes or inside jokes with friends definitely lifted my mood. (Edit: I can’t type (on a keyboard)/write, but you know what I can do? Text.)

Having to do art in school and outside is not great for recovery (if I want both my wrists back to normal) but I compulsively draw anyways- I think it’s probably because I’m aiming for an art school, I’m scared of ever stopping and getting rusty with art again. While it’s true that a lot of art is really boiled down to how well you can break down concepts and memorizing the technical knowledge, it took me years to finally develop a hand that could draw clean lines and hold things steadily.

Compared to Summer 2022, I definitely recovered much more and made a lot of progress. I didn’t have to eat painkillers every single day, I didn’t have to rely on wrist splints, I can hold a half-filled mug with one hand, and so much more. I’d say the conditions of my wrists is tolerable; it still hinders me when I try to open doorknobs, but I’ll take whatever accomplishments I can get.

It wasn’t until finally seeing a physiotherapist, after god knows how long (Please- I grew up in a traditionally Chinese family that doesn’t believe in western medicines ;;), I was diagnosed with early osteoarthritis on my left wrist. Even though only one wrist is diagnosed, I have difficulties moving both my wrists, and according to my X-ray back in September 2022, the bones in both my wrist have narrowed from a lack of use. I’m kinda baffled because you’d think it’d be my dominant hand, the hand I use everyday and stress out, would be diagnosed. I’m told that I’ll need an MRI for my left, so hopefully nothing goes too wrong.

I love drawing, fanart or original— for myself or others. I don’t think it’s something I can ever stop? Maybe I’ve gotten on a high now that I’ve recovered bit by bit, and having gotten out of art block for months helped too. I can’t help but feel like part of my art block is because of my wrists. Even when my wrists were not as bad, I still couldn’t find the motivation to do line art. Maybe my current development in art isn’t actually laziness but just how my wrists have subconsciously been affecting my performance. When I looked back on my old art, I truly loved line art, rendering, having to press hard with pencil crayons to blend, oil pastels— I really did enjoy them.

If I ever drew gifts/requests/others for you, I want to say that I opened them because I wanted to— I knew what I was signing up for. Heck— when I did them— I did them on a good day.

* Am I ever going to take a break? I’ll be honest- probably not. Plus- the watercolour mimic style let’s me draw looser lines and with the colouring? I don’t have to worry about pen pressure or pressing hard- But I’ll try?? I might try to see if I can dig up any older art of mine that still holds up to my standards.

With school, I always feel like I have to take on extra jobs and volunteer to help out in areas that are within my field. I’ve also contemplated telling or broadcasting my needs to others because I’m always scared they’ll think I’m “being dramatic” or “faking it”. I’m also scared that the one time I ask for help to do a “simple” task, my peers will start questioning my recovery. I can’t describe how shameful it feels to not be able to help out a friend if they want to move a desk or even with chores. Maybe it’s me self projecting, but I always feel like if I can’t help someone, I’d be selfish.

Since I can never truly articulate my experiences and thoughts in person (cause I’d forget details or cut out too much because I feel rushed), I’ll be using this to send out ^^

If you *actually* read all of this- thank you and please don’t think too much of it! I don’t want this post to be the reason someone’s mood gets drained— so I drew the cat maid instead of putting my usual reaction images. I hope my attempt at humour came through?? But at what cost…

#my art #meowing 🌸#vent art #vent #personal vent #cw vent #vent post

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bigfrozenfan · 2 years

Text

It's really no wonder so many in fandom are leaving Tumblr for good, with all the problems this platform has. One of my favourite recent misfires is this one:

Today I tried to edit a post of mine fifteen times (!!) until it happened to work. I guess maybe that was because there were ads loading in the background, and that's much more important to Tumblr than having a working platform. It's also why image posts take almost forever to load .... even in the app by now! I don't even need to wait for gif's anymore and I'd rather scroll on to the next entry (sorry Giffer, but Tumblr doesn't want me to see your work anymore!). The browser version hasn't been usable for me for years because of this:

Despite my DSL internet connection! Why is it that I don't have such problems on any other platform? Can someone explain this to me?

Recently, the dashboard has started "jumping" back to the previous post while you are trying to read the current entry! In addition, the app crashes more and more often when scrolling or resets back to the beginning, to the post from half an hour ago. I now cancel trying again and prefer to close Tumblr until the next day.

The only posts I can always see almost immediately are the endlessly repeating ads after every third or fourth post.

When I create a new text message, like this one, I have to save it without pictures and re-edit it before I can add pictures like I used to, or I create a few more lines of space until it works and then delete it again. Seriously now? Very convenient and sooo time saving, Tumblr crew!

Some other funny error messages:

A few other oh so "convenient" features: If you want to embed a video at a certain position in the post, it principally ends up at the end and simultaneously overwrites the last line of text entered.

Have you ever tried to create a long message in HTML format and edited it once or twice? You're lucky if Tumblr doesn't mess things up, delete lines, or throw the format completely out of whack.

Tumblr has still not managed to display the date and/or time of messages, after all these years. Twitter has no problem with this.

Difference between app and browser version: the app takes over the tags when reblogging or makes suggestions, on the computer: non-existent.

Previously, Tumblr on the computer would display a post edited from the blog in this blog again, in the same place. Now you automatically jump to the dashboard, because Tumblr knows so well that you wanted to go there anyway. Haha! So you can search the blog from the beginning again and scroll for so long that you get bored of it.

Tags...hahahaha! Why should Tumblr even be able to show all the tags you've ever entered for searching on your blog. No, only the ones with the most entries are shown, the rest are completely uninteresting. I haven't been able to find my own entries this way for years, even though I still know exactly which tag I entered for some posts! Functioning search functions on Tumblr? Not a chance!

I'm sure I've forgotten a lot, but isn't that enough to make you stay?

#tumblr #rant #fandom #personal

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anguis-sapphire · 1 year

Note

hello hello! do you have any thoughts or words to share for me on this fine day?

Hello hello, please take an assortment compiled from today’s events, if desired!

I have spent most of today setting my laptop back up after resetting it completely over the course of last night. It’s now updated to the latest version which is a relief. However I forgot how much of a process this would be (but I’m getting there?)

I downloaded a new Skyrim modpack (or, collection, as Nexus calls them), but it seems to have gotten stuck halfway through installing. This is very not ideal. But I did manage to get SKSE installed without it trying to install the original game edition again (since I play on the special edition now), so that’ll save me some space compared to before! But it’d be nice to play Skyrim again. Serana my beloved

I have a lot of sparkles that need attending to on my other blog and not a lot of facts coming to mind to answer them with but I’ll try. They may be silly facts but they’ll be facts nonetheless

am I mirroring the way my friends talk again?

Turns out the medication I’ve been on for the past five and a half years is no longer safe for me to take because I’ve had migraines while on it and those are a total contraindication if they have auras (which mine tend to). Even though I’ve had.. I think six, but definitely less than ten, migraines in two years. So that was also not ideal to find out (especially since this is the first time I’ve been asked if I’ve ever had a migraine since having one, and the first time I had one was December 2020). Thankfully I already have a prescription for replacement medication, which I can hopefully pick up on Saturday, but the doctor wasn’t actually sure if it’ll work for why I was taking the previous stuff, which is not a fun prospect

I needed to wash my hair so I had a nice bath ^-^ it was very nice and warm and

For words, please take the current lyrics going around my head - they are from Wicked, a song by Crusher-P using Eleanor Forte: “If, after all this time, you find I’m all but timid / bear in mind that turning tides can leave an ocean winded / My heart will only grow, with me, who owes to mend it / and as seasons come and go, living on becomes the ending”

one of my old school friends is coming over tomorrow!! so that’s exciting. we will play many games, I imagine

I hope that these assorted thoughts and words were alright!

#a call from the void #posts made by me #out of the inbox #I am not 100% sure which one of you sent this but if I’m right to assume it was Simon then #simon tag!#maybe I should extend that to just “starlit warren tag!’’ or “warren tag!’’??#please let me know if this should be tagged with anything #it was very spur-of-the-moment not-really-thought-about streams of thoughts

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unrequited-words · 1 year

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I posted 90 times in 2022

That's 26 more posts than 2021!

18 posts created (20%)

72 posts reblogged (80%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@i-am-bi-not-gonna-lie

@elytrians

@funnytwittertweets

@javarisx-fightingthosedemons

@fatmaninalittlesuit

I tagged 17 of my posts in 2022

#personal - 17 posts

#mine - 17 posts

#s - 17 posts

#my zod - 3 posts

#baby ogaard 😍 - 1 post

#astrid pamela - 1 post

#astridpamelaogaard - 1 post

#this baby truly is a miracle - 1 post

#first time mom - 1 post

#nlo - 1 post

Longest Tag: 28 characters

#this baby truly is a miracle

My Top Posts in 2022:

I haven’t written here in God knows how long. Nothing much has changed. Still at the same job. I make a little more. I pay for everything. Hes still a stay at home dad and work for him is slow. On his line of work he doesn’t make what he should and the job market is fucking trash. I’ve seen it. He’s still looking for work. I realized when I wrote that post back in March of last year he wasn’t cheating then (dirty texting) it started in February.

His first wife who he was in contact with sent him dirty pictures. I looked at the date and it was when I was asleep at four am. I woke up two and a half hours later and got ready for work. I know it was a Saturday. It doesn’t punch me in the gut like it did when I first found out, but it’s still sad that he has a women next to him (me), a brand new baba, and yet he’s dirty texting his first wife while swapping dick pics.

Maybe it was my temper, or because we had fucked? Who knows, it was 18 months ago and I don’t remember. I don’t know why I’m writing this now.

Our kid is two, and she is growing. That’s beside the point. The point is, why do guys cheat even if they have a woman next to them? Sure it’s just dirty pictures and they aren’t fucking, but they might as well be.

He’s sleeping currently. I made him dinner and it’s on his desk cold. I’m thankful for how he helps and I do love him. I just hope I don’t end up being a single mom doing it on my own.

It’s almost six pm and the baby is watching paw patrol. She really likes it. She hasn’t napped at all today and probably won’t. Hopefully I can go to bed in the next four hours so I can get ready for work tomorrow. He may help his brother paint tomorrow. If he does, I have to figure out how I can work a full eight hours with a two year old. I won’t bring this up to him. I’m just like wow he was doing this while I was working.

He was probably drinking vodka at the time which mind you I paid for. I’ve been paying for everything for the last two years. Since he became a stay at home dad in November of 2020. I can do it on my own if I wanted to.

I worked out earlier because he said he was going to. I know I’m a fucking fat loser with no prospects and that’s probably why he cheated because I mumble under my breath and I’m difficult to live with. I don’t speak to anybody except him and two girlfriends who pretty much don’t speak to me unless they text first.

I’ve given up everything to move here and it’s much better than Vegas but is this what I get? I don’t mean to play the victim and there is his side… I’m working at a job I’m starting to hate, never leaving the house unless it’s for groceries and I basically live at home.

I’m happy I have a kid but not happy I got cheated on even if he doesn’t think so. I’ll probably delete this but when he drinks vodka I’m on edge. Will he pass out? Whose watching the kid? It’s this way when I’m working. It’s very fucking stressful and it’s been this way since he stopped working due to his anxiety. He stopped drinking vodka and started on beer but he said to grab wine for me and a bottle for him. It also helps to clean the heads of his vaping which I use too and I KNEW if I got it he’d drink it. I got it Tuesday and the bottle is almost gone.

It doesn’t matter. I’m in a rut and fucking sad. I don’t talk to anybody about it because I trust nobody. I keep to myself. I post pictures of my kid doing cute shit on SM. Other than that I don’t exist. I’ve been here two years and still haven’t had a vacation. I can’t afford it. With the PTO I do have it’s used for being sick. I currently have 14 hours and we can use unpaid work points which I have but I can’t afford that.

Sorry to ramble. I’m just really sad about this shitshow I’ve created and choose to stay on. Not a shitshow I don’t understand why he dirty texted her and I don’t want to have that conversation with him because I don’t have the emotional energy or time to argue. It’ll come down to why are you going through my phone? I wanted photos of my kid that he took, and yet I stumble across p u s s y pictures that are still backed up on your google photos?

Yet, I’m the c u n t if I bring it up. I know I’m playing the victim I’m just like why would you do this when your second wife fucked other dudes and you found out just like I found out. Sure you have kids with her but I’m in the same boat. Just like you I got cheated on except you didn’t fuck the bitch who you sent dick pics to. What’s ironic is the time stamp when I found out her sent his dick pics to her. It was right before I got on my last break.

How is that okay? How are you okay sending dick pics and have your gf who has your kid walk out of her work area and will ask how are you? Do you need anything?

I’m such a fun c k i n g cuck 😒

To be continued

3 notes - Posted August 11, 2022

Fuck, I’m tired. Slept like shit again. Baby woke up one time at six. Finally around 6:40 when my alarm went off. I checked up on her, made coffee and went to work. She’s napping and I’m betting you money she will be up in the next 90 minutes and I don’t get a nap in. Her dad is napping. 87 minutes to go.

Fuck I’m tired 🥱

4 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

When did my tiny 31 weeker turn into this giant two year old 🥹

4 notes - Posted December 13, 2022

There is this game that came out in 2019 called days gone. Husband is playing it and it’s a mix of red dead redemption and GTA 5

It does NOT disappoint.

Minus whoever TF are these writers of the main character did a fucking hack job

And yes, I’m still drunk 🤣

4 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I finally fell asleep around two this morning. The baby woke up around nine and I finally got up (my day off) currently soaking some dishes, the laundry is almost washed and I don’t really feel as hung over as I did when I woke up last night.

This cold is on the tail end as my nose won’t stop running. The fevers are still steady at 99° and no matter the Tylenol, vitamins etc it won’t go away.

My boss messaged me on teams and said I am bonusing on this check again, and it’s more than last month by 10.00 which is fantastic.

We are still working on potty training, and she is still scared of the potty. Maybe by seven she will be fully potty trained 🙄

I had some coffee this morning, but I should just stick to water. My stomach needs to heal from all the alcohol and acid it currently has in it

I can’t wait for naptime later. It’s not even 11 😫

5 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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blackswallowtailbutterfly · 2 years

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It’s that time of year where I wish the daylight hours were even longer than they are because the loss of the light is the only thing that brings me inside away from my garden (aside from the occasional need to pee and get more water, of course). I picked up my preorders and shopped on the floor of the Toronto Botanical Gardens. How delightful it was to know to know that every single plant for sale was native to my region, and a delight to be at least partially familiar with every single name. I got every plant species I wanted except for three, and they had one that wasn’t listed on their site that I didn’t think I would be able to get this year (another native milkweed species! I will have them all one day...). Plus I got an email from one of the sellers who doesn’t have a website up yet (on account of working with plants, which I can fully understand), but does do deliveries to my area, so maybe I can get my fairy spuds after all! And whatever other plants he grows that I haven’t been able to find anywhere else. Anyway, that was the best hour and a half shopping I’ve ever done in my life. AND there’s another sale two weeks from now that I can get to, so I’m going!

Anyway, once I got home, I headed straight to Canadian Tire to buy another bucket for water (since I currently can’t use my hose) and some soil for an amendment to a narrow gravelly sandy area between the house and the path. Amendment complete, I planted a number of my new treasures and then raced against the fading light to get in as many as possible into their various areas before watering and then heading inside once it became too dark to see anything.

I bought another Jack-in-the-pulpit because it was in the female stage and mine had been in the male stage for two year in a row...only to discover my old one is going to be in the female stage this year too! I also bought another mayapple for the same reason, and my old one is definitely in the male stage. I finally have squirrel corn, I finally have skunk cabbage, I finally have spikenard, clammy ground cherry, field thistle, wild yam! This year is the year of the great fill in, and it’s already starting to show. AND cigarette lady stopped dropping her butts in my garden bed, so that’s awesome.

I’m going to be back at it bright and early tomorrow. Because it’s that time of year where this is all I want to do. All I care about. Just those plants and me as I watch the space transform little by little. The path I fixed? All those 8 slabs of stone I moved? The buckets and buckets of gravel and clay? Wasn’t even about the path. It was about getting that stone slab off the dirt area it was sitting on so I can plant on it, and getting excess clay, sand, and gravel out of my way so I could add in my soil amendment.

I will finish planting my new friends tomorrow, and then I will weed the invaders that have popped up since last week. Then I will lay fresh mulch down, and then I will begin preparing the new areas I’ve marked for several plants on the way.

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