#maybe i don't make a lot of personal posts
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YOU
I LIKE YOU @faislittlewhiteraven
These questions are a little hard to answer with doodles but I tried my best-
Nil generally has a pretty heroic and brave personality overall. She's loud and brash and ready to jump into things super quickly.
She's not the best with words, but she is very reliable overall
More art and writing under cut, it's just a long post man-
In terms of helping about during travels, she likes doing a lot of heavy labor jobs- She's the type to fix broken fences, gather supplies for folks, carry stuff around, tend to crops or lend a help wrangling animals. Nil wouldn't be great at things like sorting and organizing tho- Just tell her what you need and where to put it and she will!
I mentioned she's not really the best with words (she is very emotionally intelligent just sometimes struggles to communicate stuff), HOWEVER, With folks that have been frozen she connects with a lot.
How it's scary that you've been frozen for so long when your entire belief is to change and evolve, how (if Mal Du Pays is anything to go by) they had to fight their own demons in there, how everything can change so easily without you even noticing- It's terrifying to think about.
Actually- a while ago I made battle sprites with Nil- I wasn't happy with them so I never shared them BUT
Specifically I wanted to contrast her frozen sprite with everyone else's- Cause if she were to SOMEHOW be frozen again, knowing what it feels like, what could happen while she's out- It would TERRIFY her instantly. Not just a mild shock or surprise, it would stick with her for a while-
Speaking of battles tho-
Nil is super brash and lively as a whole. She puts up a brave face for a LOT of things, including fighting. She jumps in without really thinking, and as long as it goes their way, she'd have a smile on her face doing it.
However, while brave, it does come from both a place of coping and naivety. She's not used to genuine fighting, in fight or flight situations she actually tends to flee. (Which is why honestly, if she had to fight the King I don't think she could do it-)
If a battle were to start going south, she'd actually start to panic more then anyone else- Physical wounds and seeing the people she loves hurt would lower her accuracy and general capabilities, despite the brave face she puts on.
And due to her lack of experience, especially in bigger groups-
Nil tends to... miscalculate sometimes
She had to learn the hard way not to just jump at any opportunity she sees.
The party can see where Bonnie got it from (also after the battle Nille proceeded to heal Sif, profusely apologizing, I forgot to doodle that whoops-) (Also gameplay wise, imagine every second turn she does an action of her own without your command)
Also just the Sif image by itself cause I liked it :]
As for chores and stuff-
She does foraging and stuff!
Honestly I don't think the other 5 would have done so before they traveled together.
Mira would have most DEFINITELY learned about it but didn't feel confident in her abilities.
Bonnie will grab stuff they think is edible from what they remember Nille telling them and they'd grab a stick to cook.
Odile would not be interested and would prefer buying the ingredients rather then wild scavenging.
Isa doesn't read to me as a biology student, I see him more of a math history type of guy, so either he doesn't know, or him and Mira did it occasionally together, but only as a last resort type of deal (maybe when it was just the two of them and they had to manage alone)
And Sif in my mind is an accident prone goober who'd forget which ones are edible and which ones aren't so I wouldn't trust him personally.
SO! LONG STORY SHORT! I don't think any of them are really experienced with foraging. And as a means to make money management easier- I imagine Nil (nature being a passion of sorts to her) took up the mantle! Probably taught the rest how to do it too!
That's it when it comes to stuff specific to her- Other then that she's kind of ready to help out with anything! She can help set up tends, do odd jobs for money, help cook if for WHATEVER reason Bonnie wanted her to or wanted to do something else in that time, bring water, wood, fish, help with weapons- She's not the best at those things, but if anyone needs a hand to be lent- she is there!
I'll be entirely honest, I don't think I understand your last question-
But I do wanna say that Nil and Isa become like. Best buds real quick. He is the first one she instantly trusts, since she rivals with Mira, is prickly with Odile and Sif is someone she wants to help rather then ask for help. So if she needs someone to turn to, or needs a partner in crime- Nil would turn to Isa
And now I just imagined Mira and Nil bonding over how to grow plants. Cause Mira tried REALLY REALLY HARD and couldn't do it, so Nille would actually love to give some tips- Imagine Mira genuinely walking up to her with a little alive plant with a proud glint in her eyes and have Nil fully support her-
Honestly I could keep going for forever, I have so many thoughts on her and her dynamic with everyone-
Bro I even have nicknames, you don't even know-
BUT I'M GONNA CUT IT HERE, HAVE FUN, I'VE BROUGHT SOME FOOD FOR NOW-
#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#only cause of mal du pays tho honestly#in stars and time#isat nille#isat sif#isat mira#isat petronille#in stars and time nille#in stars and time petronille#lord give me strenght (its 5am I am not awake-)
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Do you need a sewing machine to start making shirts and vests? Is hand sewing an option worth considering, or should I invest in a machine, in your opinion?
That's really a matter of personal preference!
Do you need a machine? Absolutely not!
Every garment ever made before the 1840's was sewn by hand, and a lot of them after that too.
I've sewn many garments completely by hand, including the early 18th century tiddy-out-violinist shirt, these bright orange breeches, and this green waistcoat.
Is it nice to have a machine? I think so, but again, individual opinions vary!
One of the costumers I follow sews everything 100% by hand because she finds it meditative and isn't interested in using a machine at all.
Some people hate hand sewing and prefer to do everything by machine, with maybe a bit of hand finishing if they absolutely can't avoid it.
I do about a 50/50 split overall, maybe skewing a bit more towards hand sewing.
I like to do pants, shirts, and nightgowns mostly by machine with some hand finishing, but for jackets and waistcoats I usually do considerably more hand sewing than machine, because I like 18th century tailoring techniques and think they give a nicer looking result.
I do most of my buttonholes by hand, or I do them by machine first and then cover them in hand stitching.
Most people who sew do at least some of it by machine, but again, I don't know which way you prefer to work, so I'd suggest trying out both to see how you feel abut them.
For hand sewing, I suspect a lot of people hate it because they're using shitty needles and/or shitty thread, and perhaps haven't found good resources for hand sewing techniques.
Here's a post of hand sewing advice that I found quite helpful a decade ago.
Use good needles because the eyes of the cheap ones have jagged edges and will ruin your thread! Use nice thread because the wrong kind will be twisty and tangly and will fray more!
Thimbles are good and useful, and typically they go on the middle finger of your dominant hand, and you use them to push the needle.
I prefer metal thimbles and dislike using leather ones, but some people prefer the leather ones, or rubber ones.
The metal ones come in sizes, and I don't know how to find out your size aside from trying them on in person, but I know I'm a size 11.
One very important thing is that if you're hand sewing a garment, look for hand sewing specific instructions on how to do the construction techniques you're going for. A lot of the time when someone nowadays is trying to figure out how to hand sew a thing they'll just try and copy the machine sewn version, and a lot of the time that's inefficient and more difficult and the result looks worse, because machines and hands work very differently!
This is something I'm going to briefly discuss in the outro to the very long shirt video I'm working on, because it's so very common, and I've done it too!
On several of my earlier hand sewn shirts I didn't know to turn the edge in on the front slit and do a little narrow hem, so I instead sewed on a facing for the front slit and cut and turned it, just like I'd seen on machine sewn shirts. This made it about 3x more time consuming, and the result was much bulkier and looked worse.
I've got so many more things to say about sewing but it's almost bedtime and I don't want to make this post too long.
For machine sewing, again there's a lot of personal choice. Some people like newer machines, some people like vintage or antique ones.
I'm one of the ones who prefers solid metal vintage machines. I grew up using an old cast iron Singer, and the newer domestic machines just feel so plasticy and insubstantial to me.
I'm used to ones that just do straight stitch and can also go backwards, but some people are perfectly happy with ones that can't even backstitch.
I do think that for a beginner the vintage machines are a better deal, because if you're patient and look around for a while you can snag one for really cheap at a thrift store, yard sale, facebook marketplace, etc. Also they're mostly metal and therefore harder to break.
I recently got a Pfaff (from I think the 1960's?) at an estate sale for 25 bucks. The zig zag mechanism is stuck and needs fixing, but I cleaned & oiled it up and it works just fine for regular straight stitching.
There are SO MANY online resources for how to clean, oil, and fix vintage sewing machines, especially the more popular brands, and a lot of the time cleaning & oiling is all they need. Read the manual and get an oil bottle with a nice long pointy thing so you can reach all the parts, and get some compressed air to whoosh out the fuzz. If it's old and hasn't been used in years, turn the hand wheel and observe every single place where metal rubs against metal, and Make It Greasy There.
(If you don't have the manual, you can often find those online too. I even found the service manual for my new-old Pfaff! I have the original users manual, but this one's for the people doing repairs.)
Oh this post is getting much too long!
If you don't know yet if you like machine sewing, try seeing if you can use one without owning it, perhaps at a sewing class or in a makerspace. I know some libraries can loan out machines.
A sewing class would probably be a good idea actually, if there are any available where you live!
Much like how you'll have a bad time hand sewing if you've got shitty supplies and no proper instructions on good techniques, you'll have a bad time machine sewing if it's not oiled well and if the tension is uneven.
There are so so very many things to learn about sewing and I hope I'm not making it sound too overwhelming, because I promise it's not if you take it one step at a time!
Also, when someone who's been sewing for a long time says "You may think you can ignore (piece of sewing advice), but actually that's bad and you will regret it", they're usually right. Oh, how I regret not learning to use a thimble years earlier than I did...
Sorry this post is so long, I hope it's helpful!
Basically, there's no one best way to sew anything, and you should try different stuff and see what works best for you, because everyone has different preferences.
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@throwaway20506 so I'm alerted when this is posted
WIBTA if I asked my boyfriend to pay for things more often?
I'm currently dating a guy who is from a very wealthy family, like. Super wealthy. As in, he lives in a one bedroom apartment downtown in one of the most expensive cities in the USA. He knows a lot of like. Semi famous and famous people. He's currently studying in the city I live in and we met at a gay event. Since he's studying, his actual income is somewhat lower bc he doesn't work all the time, but he has Investments (I'm not sure what that means to be honest, but it's how he pays for stuff like groceries and going out when he isn't working) and his family pays for his rent and stuff. He's obviously not hurting for cash in any way. On the other hand, I'm not destitute or anything but I work two jobs to make ends meet and have three roommates, and generally try to not spend more than I have to.
We both like to eat, so we go out for food sometimes. I've usually picked cheaper options and he tends to go for fancier places, like a place we went had caviar that he ordered? I've always been poor and haven't ever really had any close friends that were wealthy.
I expressed before that I wanted him to know I wasn't trying to take advantage of him for money or anything, and I'm not. He's genuinely a very sweet guy. He's bought me a few gifts before, but I never asked for anything. I want our relationship to be like. Fair and even. So we always split everything cost-wise 50/50. Which can also be kinda weird for me sometimes, w my poor friends if something is cheap (like if we order McDonald's or smth) we're very comfortable spotting each other or just "oh you can get it next time" type thing. But with him every little thing is 50/50.
The thing is, when we split 50/50 at some more expensive places, it's kind of more than I really want to spend going out. Sometimes there really aren't any cheap options on the menu. I've told him before that I don't want to spend a lot when we go out, but I think he just doesn't really have a good idea of what "a lot" is for me, and he really really enjoys these places. I'm also very aware I guess that his going out expenses don't really detract from his ability to do other things because all of his money is pocket money, whereas I need to budget to make sure I can afford non-boyfriend related fun stuff and rent and boyfriend stuff.
I've considered maybe asking him to pay a bit more of a share when we go out, but I'm not sure if that's fair. WIBTA if I asked to split 60/40 or something when we go out? Or maybe cover the meal sometimes? I don't want to tell him we can't go to his favorite restaurant, I just can't really afford it as easily as he can, and I know it won't negatively affect his finances if he pays more since he has. A lottt of money. I also don't usually get a lot, I was taught to always order something cheaper than the other person orders.
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I SWEAR I remember you writing about this a couple years ago, but I have gone down a total rabbithole of your Barbara Gordon tag and absolutely cannot find it, so: If you were to put Babs back in the wheelchair now without retconning anything major (i.e. her most recent years as Batgirl can't just disappear), how would you pull it off?
lol, no problem! I did write about my ideas about transitioning Babs back into being Oracle once here, which is what I think you were talking about.
To expand on that post, my preferred scenario is that her spinal implant starts acting up (maybe she's been too active. maybe she was too reckless saving someone. maybe the tech's just degrading. make up a reason). Regardless of why, the implant is failing, and she's told two things:
If you don't want to permanently damage the implant you've currently got, put up the suit.
Like Luke explained to her when he replaced her implant after Joker War, there's lots of risks (both medical and technological) to replacing the one she has and no guarantees a replacement will work.
So Barbara, of her own accord, chooses to stop being Batgirl and refuses to replace the implant chip. Unlike the last time she was faced with losing mobility due to injury, she has a choice, a strong support system, two worthy successors...and a role she's ready to truly reclaim the way it helped her reclaim her confidence and identity the first time around.
Make her an ambulatory wheelchair user who uses forearm crutches and/or a cane when she's mobile. Give her agency over her disability. Let her become Oracle full-time again of her own free will. Allow her to (re)-pass on Batgirl to Cass or Steph. And tell a story about accepting and embracing disability in a world where she could theoretically be "healed" again but chooses not to take the risk for personal reasons.
#it would also be an opportunity to talk about chronic pain/degenerative disabilities but that's a side topic#asks#dc comics#barbara gordon#oracle#batgirl#writing ideas
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Hey, sorry if this is a bit to dark or perhaps even triggering for you, or too much. You're free to just delete this or keep it or whatever you want to.
I just. I had one of the worst breakdowns I've ever had. An identity crisis, I suppose, that I was a terrible person and that everyone needs to leave me or they'll get hurt and burned. That I was merely placing on a mask and I was nothing underneath. I guess this is what happens if I spiral too much into my thoughts after the sun goes down (one piece of advice is to never listen to your brain after the sun goes down. I usually listen to it, but, tonight was just rough, I guess)
It was near the apex of this breakdown that I checked my Tumblr. For a distraction, a sign, I don't know. You posted the link for "Inkblot Lovely". I decided to go check it out, stay up to date to your series and all.
Scott's entry, I don't think it was the first time I saw it, but it was similar enough to my situation that I had to switch apps to calm down for a second.
It was me, in a sense. It was Jimmy's affection and sure belief in Scott that I was drawn to. I anonymously had a bit of a breakdown in a server I have with some real life friends. A friend anonymously responded that I'm not all of the things I think I am. That I'm not secretly a terrible person that needs to be cleansed.
I don't think that if it wasn't for your fic, I would've accepted the objections to my conclusions so quickly.
I want to thank you for helping me tonight. Thank you, truly. You showed me that I can be loved.
Take breaks, drink water, and eat and sleep well.
This is not dark or triggering or anything like that to me whatsoever! I promise you that! I am so happy and honored to hear that Inkblot Lovely went up at a moment where you needed it.
I'm so happy that Jimmy's affection for Scott in this AU and in this scenario helped you find the courage to talk to some friends in that server, even anonymously. I know sometimes it feels like we're all wearing masks, because we've gotten hurt, or maybe even done some harm in the past, but that doesn't define who are now, and it doesn't make us terrible. Scott's gonna have to learn that in TTSBC, and if in some way reading about him doing that has helped you feel like you can be loved, then that is the greatest and more wonderful thing I could possible hope to hear as a writer, that my stories meant something like this to someone and helped you somehow, because they've helped me a lot this past year as I've been working on them, too.
I am taking breaks, drinking water, and all those other good things, I wish the same to you and very much all the best. All the love in the world, because all of us need to see that we deserve that. 💖
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As another blog who accidentally got following for funny jokes and content creator by god you summarized how creating content feels on Tumblr nowadays. Like,
No one interacts but at the same time they'll complain that there's no updates, they'll complain that you disappeared but even if you post something no one interacts with. They treat as if people who post things about fandom are just there to be some kind of machine will post something to make them laugh and then reblog in silence.
There's no feedback, there's no community, and it feels weird like some kind of big brother. Where you spend your time and energy making something and then people throw you a like and you're just like blind??? 'Do they still like it?' 'am I doing it wrong?' 'did I lose the flow?' But nope. It seems like every person who makes something in this plataforma feels a different variation of that. And feels so weird talking about it as if you're 'seeking attention' and being too 'hungry' about it. But what are we supposed to do...? Just put our heart and souls by a grand majority that won't take a second to say something and just like and maybe reblog as if you're some advertisement?
Feels weird. I am sorry you feel like that too Sci, your ask-blog is great and you spent a lot of energy co-creating with people and using your creativity. I don't blame you for feeling demotivated. That's a weird era to be in where people don't know how to differentiate that there's someone behind a blog and nor a major corporation that will put something they're interacting or not. Very weird.
it's so very universal, i've seen it all the places, everywhere. i know it's not just a me thing... it's kind of honestly just the way the world operates now. running the blog really did used to give me such an excited feeling to be building this story with other people who were invested and everyone had a hand in pushing wade and peter into all kinds of directions and it was so, so gratifying. and when i left i was still craving that interaction - i wanted to create an interactive instagram account, but i kind of figured it wouldn't work, because the platform just isn't good for it.
something that's largely been absent from my life is community, y'know. it's so difficult to find it, in the city. and i kind of found it through the blog. but online communities feel like something that's dying too. nobody wants to be communal. i've had so many interactions where people are taken aback that i'm just some dumb, tired little human. i'm a tired human who made spider-man comics because it got me friends on the internet. i don't make money doing this. i do it for friends. i... sighs. i miss so many people that used to be around but they're not here anymore. i miss how it used to feel. i don't think i can get it back. i don't know where i can look now, but i don't think i'm going to find whatever i'm looking for here. i guess it's like - i know i have to leave the city because the city makes me feel small and lonely. and maybe i have to leave the internet too. it makes me feel small and lonely.
#sci speaks#and im not the only one!!#so many content creators are leaving the internet because it makes them miserable.#but i'm just so sad about it because it used to feel so good. it used to be so good. and i'm not sure what i can do about it.#i think for now i'm just going to focus on me. my surgery. getting healthy. getting sexy. keeping my brain good.#my career is going really well right now.#i'm making a Lot of Money. doing animation. really GOOD animation.#i didn't want my career to be my source of fulfilment but right now i guess it is.#i am making BANK. big cha-ching. i may look really sad on the internet but in real life? im mega ultra successful#i am the success story. i am big ultra success. making it rain.#everyone who meets me says “wow” in the best way because im so good at what i do.#im the best. in my career. not on the internet (anymore)#so i think i guess i'm just going to put my all into making money. maybe that will will the void in my soul.
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Hi! A bit of a weird ask here, hope you don't mind. (I swear it's not meant in bad faith)
So, I'm new to the fandom. I'd wanted to watch the show for a while and I finally found time. I did like it, and all the characters, esp Hen and Buck.
Even previous to watching it, I had seen many posts about Buddie. I didn't think much of it until I watched the show. And now I can say... I don't see it. Like, from Buck's side? Sure. But from Eddie's? Not so much.
They both clearly act like Christopher's co-parents a lot, and that's where I'm like "oh, maybe there IS something". But outside of that, I actually see their interactions as mostly platonic. And when I see people talk about it, I see mostly about how Eddie completely trusts Buck with his son (which I agree with and makes a good point), but not much else.
So, what am I missing? Sometimes some characters are harder for me to "read", so I know there could be stuff that I'm missing. What interactions do you see from them that are so clearly romantic (at least more so than they are platonic)? In which ways do you see Eddie showing feelings for Buck?
Sorry about such a long ask. This might be more of a rant (oops). I just really want to understand, bc everyone's so sure... and I'm not. (Also, thanks for reading if you got this far)
So i’m obviously not going to tell you thst your interpretation is wrong- art is subjective and your interpretation of things is completely valid.
that being said, to me i see myself in eddie in a lot of ways:
- only son in the family, so i had unrealistic expectations fixed on me about what my life as a “man” should look like (im not a man, im nonbinary but i was still amab so to my parents i’ve always been a ‘man’)
- raised in a very religious household where there were certain expectations on who i would one day marry and have a family with (because not getting married at all and never having kids was out of the question)
- i was repressed for years emotionally (and sexually) due to pressure from my parents/church and thought there was something “wrong” with me for the feelings i felt
- i often revert to anger as my default defense mechanism because i have repressed my emotions for so long (which is something i am working through in therapy)
so seeing those things i relate to reflected in eddie, it is easy for me to pick up on subtext (whether intentional or not) when it comes to his sexuality/feelings for Buck.
you mentioned eddie trusting buck with christopher— to me this is one of the clearest examples of eddie’s true feelings for buck because he completely trusts the most precious thing in his life with Buck, but he has never even come close to that same kind of trust with any of his romantic partners… even shannon he was apprehensive about letting her back into chris’s life. this means he trusts buck on a level he has never trusted anyone else before— and not to get into psychology, but often when people are repressed emotionally, they find ways to feed those feelings without overtly feeding them if that makes sense. so eddie giving chris (who is practically his whole heart) to buck is essentially eddie offering up his heart on a platter.
so that gets that one out of the way.
as for other examples… i am going to state again that eddie is more repressed than buck and doesn’t show emotion as easily as buck does so Buck’s attraction/feelings are going to be more clear-cut and obvious.
but i am constantly seeing examples of eddie’s feelings for buck interwoven subtly through things:
- crying over buck after the lightning strike when we had only ever seen him cry twice before
- the hurt in his face when buck said natalia was the only person who “saw” him
- the way that he gets overly jealous and acts petty around buck’s romantic partners (the most egregious being Taylor, but we have seen it happen in his other relationships as well)
- the fact that he has never been able to fully allow himself to have feelings for the women he’s dated
- he is looking for a mother figure (second parental unit for chris) but has already effectively filled that role with buck
- he is constantly looking at buck like he hung the stars and the sun and the moon
- he has only started going off the deep end of this fixation with shannon after buck came out to him, and he is onyl actively remembering their relationship as what he wished it had been rather than what it was— something i used to do back when i was still in denial about my sexuality was imagining this dream life where i was happily married to a woman because that is what i was supposed to want, not because it’s what i actually wanted
- eddie is the only one who has shown he understands buck’s recklessness is less him being reckless/thinking he’s unbreakable, but that it’s actually buck seeing himself as invaluable enough that getting hurt wouldn’t affect anyone around him
- one of my favorite scenes is post lightning-strike when eddie climbed the ladder and instead of trying to lower buck to the ground immediately, he initially tries to pull buck closer to him while screaming for him
the list could go on and on and if anyone else wants to leave their observations on eddie’s feelings for buck in the replies by all means please do! but these are just a few ways in which i have personally seen eddie’s devotion to buck portrayed in a light that is much deeper than a platonic level.
i hope this made sense and offers a new perspective for you, and i’m glad that even though you haven’t seen enough evidence in your own interpretation, your first instinct isn’t to jump down people’s throats to tell them they are wrong, but instead reaching out and asking for other opinions to better contextualize why us buddie shippers are so invested in these two!
(and never apologize for a long ask to me… if there’s one thing about me i love to yap lmao)
i hope you have a lovely day, anon!! 💕💕
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Came here from your in universe tweets posts and have just realised you're also Irish.
What are your thoughts on Kevin Day seeming so American through and through? I personally wish Nora had given him an accent or something seeing as he was raised by his Irish single mam. Like I kinda wish there had been some cultural differences there even if it was done badly.
However I think Nora was very on point with the fact that if somebody was going to make a very violent stickball sport it would be an Irish person.
I don't know anybody IRL who's read aftg and I would love to hear somebody else's thoughts on Kevin's Irish heritage lol
I wrote these silly little hcs about Kevin’s childhood in Ireland but a lot of that is kind of dependent on Kevin having had more of a childhood in Ireland (which I don’t think happened but I haven’t got a clue what the timeline of Kayleigh being in Ireland to Kevin being born is tbh)
Personally I wish Kev was a little more Irish and I also think the Irish mammy thing would’ve had a HUGE influence on him (again depending how old he was when she died). She would’ve been his best friend if he’d grown up with her. Also the internalising of his problems is VERY typical of an Irish man but I’d like to imagine Kayleigh tried to break the cycle of that mentality in sons/first born sons and it was destroyed by the Moriyama’s.
Things I would maybe like Kevin to have/do:
- just a little bit of an accent. On certain words, or if he’s drunk or tired, or if he’s speaking with an Irish person, his accent QUADRUPLES in intensity.
- burns in the sun SO EASILY but also wears shorts when it’s barely even hot at all
- he drinks tea when it’s cold because it’s comforting and it reminds him of his mam. It’s the one indulgence he allows himself because she took her tea sweet so he heaps two teaspoons in when he feels like he needs a hug
- I’ve mentioned it before somewhere but I believe that Kayleigh was from the west, from a gaeltacht area and spoke fluent Irish, and raised Kevin to be bilingual until she passed, and he never continued and honestly probably forgot it. He remembers little words here and there but really not much at all.
- right after he graduates he spends an entire summer in Ireland before he starts with his pro team. It’s a silly decision for his exy career really because he could use all of the professional practice he can get, but he needs it. He goes back to Ireland and visits all of these places he doesn’t remember, the places where Kayleigh grew up and took kev when he was a baby. Maybe his grandparents are still alive, and his grandfather plays hurling with him, and they speak to him in Irish, and he spends the summer learning and just relaxing and reconnecting with his roots. Maybe his grandmother has a box of Kayleigh’s old things and for the first time in his life he holds something belonging to his mam other than his letter. Her jersey with her original IRE National Court number on it from the Olympics just a few years before she died, and some photos he’d never seen before. I’d really love for him to just be able to know his mam better somehow. I feel like he deserves it!!!
(He comes back with the most obnoxious Irish American accent after that summer and he gets ROASTED for it. But he doesn’t care, because he feels so much closer to his mam having spent that much time at home)
I am CERTAIN that Kayleigh was inspired to create Exy by watching hurling. There’s no way she wasn’t. Exy is the bastard sport of lacrosse, hockey AND hurling.
#maybe he joins a local hurling team for a couple of months#idk! Irish person thoughts! that will probably not translate to a wider audience#but I’m so passionate about kevs roots#also I can’t believe there’s another Irish person alive who’s read AFTG#where have you been
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Hello! Hope you are having a good day.
So I have a question for you, just ignore when you don't feel like answering.
I came to Mattdrai via the enemies/rivals to lovers tag and then got sucked into hockey. I really like the fanon take on Leon, fav character, fanon Matthew was fine but way too woobified and infantilized in so many fics. So my surprise when I started to watch games, interviews etc. Public Matthew is so confident, so loving, awesome family to back him up, especially Brady, hot as hell, sexy way of playing hockey, amazing public persona. Loved and respected by his team, beyond hockey.
Then Leon. His only trait seems to be that he's pissy which I can appreciate but it seems that he's just a downright mean, arrogant guy with a superiority complex (see that interview when he puts Silovs down.) I don't find him stoic at all but he's just seems boring and bland and yeah, pissy. It doesn't seem like he has fun or likes his team a lot or is liked by them (Connor aside and his skills aside.) His friendship with Connor seems the only endearing or likeable thing. He even looks good in a bland way and his hockey is while it's so skillful it's not hot and also I wonder why his dirty plays aren't called out more often.
So what do I miss? Where does great fanon Leon come from? Why is he written mostly so superior to Matthew and where comes the "his team likes Leon so much but Matthew is an outcast in his own team come from?) It's so far from what I gather from old and new interviews or games and I have watched a lot, also German interviews. I really would like to like Leon, shipping them had been more fun when I didn't find his public self so jarring. What do I not see what everyone else seems to get?
Sorry for the long ask! Have a great day and thank you
first off thank you for such a thought out ask! i don't get to dive into things like this a lot outside of writing fic and it got my brain gears going.
to get right into the bulk of this ask: i get what you are saying about leon. that can be the way he comes off for sure, and look everything i'm gonna say? i'm talking out of my ass here. i don't claim to know anything about him as a person besides what's publicly presented, and i don't have much right to theorize about why he is the way that he is, but i'd be lying if i said i didn't think about it. how would i write rpf otherwise, right 💀
i think he cares a lot. and i think sometimes he gets so wrapped up in things, how things should be, how he should be performing, etc, and when it doesn't go a certain way he gets frustrated and snarky (eg, pissy comments and such). but i don't see that being bad necessarily, especially when it's seems to come from such a team oriented state of mind. which, i dont think he dislikes his team at all? i think if anything, he has a sort of blind faith in his team, and that's the only context i could see a 'superiority complex' making sense in. and yah maybe a little misplaced at times, but ultimately i think it comes from believing so fully in his team and not seeing that come to fruition. he really does not seem to care about his individual performance much at all, so how self obsessed can he be? when i think about leon i just see someone that is ultimately very passionate and committed to the game he plays. i'm also curious to know where you get the vibe that his team doesn't like him? simply because i never got that impression from any of the other oilers, they all seem like they're obsessed with him.
beyond hockey, i see a caring, sweet, kindhearted individual. anytime i see a picture or vid of him interacting with bowie, or even the things his girlfriend posts about him, the comments he leaves for people on ig, and yah of course in the way he talks/acts around connor, i see fragments of someone soooo different than the little two minute post game interviews (which, can we judge any hockey player on those? i think they all hate them dfkjgsd). it's not always something i actively go digging for or have examples of the top of my head, but i do see it, and it definitely goes into creating the version of leon that i have in my mind.
hey, and, he's a silly guy!!! please, i know the reputation is pissy and humourless, ESPECIALLY in fic, but that man is so funny. so many random offhanded comments that make me pause and then laugh. a different sense of humour but it's so there. i love the sandcastle vid from the asg last year and feel like it's a good example of that, all sunburnt and happy. also hey, big man in tune with his fear of the ocean? love that. that little vid of him dancing on the ice earlier this season, those halloween photos where he's dressed as a monkey, every time he talks to a kid. hell, seeing him in warmups and watching the way he takes time to interact fans?? loveee watching warmups but i'd never had a player actually acknowledge my existence before leon!
also i really enjoy his personality on the ice, i like the rat behaviour and the sassy comments that he makes to other players/refs, i like the bitch moves, and i like his hockey too. i think his game is dependable and like you said skillful, and while maybe not the most creative, the sureness and the technical aspect it is hot to me. so my thoughts on everything are probably skewed in that regard.
anyways this was just a whole lot of rambling about why i find him interesting, endearing even, but i understand the perception you have. i don't like some players that other people love, just cause i cant see what they see. and honestly that's sometimes just the way it is! if you don't like leon, maybe u just don't like him and thats fine.
disclaimer that i have only been on hockeyblr for a couple years, and really didn't spare many thoughts for leon til the beginning of the 22/23 season. truthfully i'm hardly the person to ask about leon imo, but of course i have thoughts anyways! if someone else with more knowledge reads my bit of rambling here, please feel free to chime in and add your voice to this!
and side note, ofc, i have to touch on this bc who would i be if i'm not one to talk about matthew; in the way of m.tkachuk, i think that in the early days of mattdrai it was maybe a fair take away during his time with the flames (minus the woobifying). even though he was loved so much here and had some fucking times, and i think the team was mostly good to him (player wise if not regarding management, that is), i see such a stark difference now that he's on the panthers. he seems much happier and more confident, and obviously he's clicking with the cats on another level, and i do see a shift in how he's been portrayed in fics since tbh.
#asks#anon#this is really all over the place#but hopefully there's something of value in this rambling#and if not thats fine too#honestly all a matter of perspective and vibes that u like ultimately#and i like leons vibes#whether thats from truth or projection who knows!!#also i didnt touch on 'he doesn't look like he's having fun'#but i would say i think the oilers as a whole need to have more fun#but i think i see him enjoying himself out there quite a bit#also the mean comment i dont see him being a mean individual at alllll#ahhh idk this post is so long sorry!!!#but thank u anon for taking the time and dropping this in the ask box#some things i really hadnt put too much thought into#anyways im gonna bow out here bc im just gonna keep going if i dont stop myself#anyone feel free to tack on to any of this!!
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this post is only half-serious but i am constantly thinking about whatever weird body image issues dick winters had going on
i mean, the man is obsessed. look at how he talks about joining the paratroops:
'The more I looked at the paratroopers, the more I was inclined to join them as soon as I graduated from OCS. Of all the outfits I'd seen at Fort Benning, they were the best looking and most physically fit ... Airborne troopers looked like how I had always pictured a group of soldiers: hard, lean, bronzed, and tough' (Beyond Band of Brothers)
'It was at Benning that Winters first saw paratroopers up close. They were everything he'd always envisioned a soldier to be: lean, hard, well trained and disciplined, bronzed and tough. The men bore a fierce pride' (Biggest Brother)
and the main things he values in his friendship with tab:
'Later [Floyd Talbert and I] developed a personal friendship that transcended rank. Talbert was athletic and dedicated. You knew if your life were on the line, he would come through'
and he's always mentioning it in his letters to deetta - this isn't even all of them from Hang Tough:
'Is cheese fattening? What a question! What's cheese made out of? Well, is milk and butter fattening? Ok, then, stay away from the cheese, eat more proteins, like that steak, but no carbohydrates' (Letter during basic training)
'Now if you want to take off weight, you must do it every day and in addition, take it easy on the chow and liquid intake. After about two or three weeks, if you've been real conscientious, you'll see some results. This may sound like a lot of bunk to you but there are few days when I don't run between two - two and a half miles, do 80 pushups, 60 situps on a footlocker, a couple of splits, and some leg and trunk exercises after the day's work is over. As a result I keep in pretty good shape' (Letter literally written at the airfield a week before Market Garden)
'I don't believe out of 600 men [in Second Battalion] that over 10 have been married. And in about 6 cases, they drew a lemon, I'd say. Something that should come with a sack where they really wear a hat ... Starting to get in pretty good shape again, 174. Just ten pounds off my fighting weight and I could make that in three, four days. How's your fighting form? Don't answer that' (Letter from Austria)
all of which is an objectively insane way to speak to your maybe-girlfriend. did he think this was flirting? was deetta thrilled to get weight loss advice and comments about how random english women were ugly from a man in the middle of a warzone
he manages to include multiple shirtless photos of himself in his books but not a single physical description of nix. even the random man who picks him up hitchhiking and then tries to pick him up gets called 'good-looking'. irene, nix's english wife, gets 'anything but beautiful' and 'skinny' which. dick. what is wrong with you
#dick winters#can you tell i wrote an entire undergrad thesis on physical culture and the body beautiful#dick would LOVE muscular christianity
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Okay. I'm going to weigh in on some Dead Boy Detectives shipping discourse. (Oh gods I'll probably regret this)
First of all, love the show so so much, please go watch it if you haven't already. Good supernatural mysteries, excellent queer rep, what more could you ask for?
Now. I've stumbled across several DBD posts where peoples reaction to Charles and Crystal flirting have been somewhat unpleasant. A lot of "Ugh, ewww, noooo don't, that's wrong, you're not supposed to do that!"
And look, I'm a Payneland shipper as much as the next person, but it doesn't sit right with me. Now there's a whole can of worms about how Crystal as a character has been received by parts of the fandom and how that's part of a much larger pattern and someone more qualified than me should definitely go into that.
I personally found the romance between Charles and Crystal rather sweet. Sure it's awkward and imperfect, but that, to me, just makes it feel more real. One of the few things in the show that reminds you that these characters are actually supposed to be teenagers. And while it does create tension between Charles and Edwin, I don't feel like it, in any way, overshadows or prevents their very real and intimate relationship.
But it seems to me like some people feel that way, like Crystal is an obstacle to Charles and Edwin getting together. Which, aside from giving me supernatural flashbacks, seems rather narrow minded to a bi and polyam person like myself.
I think it especially bothers me because the fandom has almost unanimously agreed on Charles being bisexual and praised him for it, which is apparently all well and good in the abstract, but as soon as he actually starts performing bisexuality it's "ewww, get away from the girl and back to the Edwardian twink." Particularly jarring since none of the men/cats/birds making advances on Edwin have gotten as much backlash ('ve seen some, but not nearly as much).
Any other bi people feel like they recognise something there?
TLDR: Watch and Rewatch DBD, and next time you're annoyed at Charles and Crystal flirting, maybe try examining exactly why that bothers you.
#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#crystal palace#edwin payne#shipping discourse#bisexuality#polyamory#queer#dbda
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Amy Kiriwo redemption is real and here's why (an analysis/speculation)
Ok. I don't normally make posts like these but since I've posted Iruma-kun art on this blog a few times some of you may be aware that I really really REALLY like Amy Kiriwo. I really adore Mairuma in general but Amy specifically makes me go fucking coconuts as a fan of that type of character (obsessive, desire-driven, yandere, whatever)—and also because Amy has a certain unique charm about him, whether that be the gap between his twisted personality and his ditzy demeanor or the unique setting, so on and so forth. But I also tend to like villainous characters in general, because they're so unhinged and fun and interesting to think about!
Usually I hate when characters like these get redeemed because the whole appeal of them is how unpredictable and outrageous they are in their villainy, and more often than not, a redemption gets rid of (or at least severely dampens) these characteristics!
HOWEVER. I just caught up with the manga for the first time more or less since Deviculum last year and I just cannot help but feel absolutely insane about how much a "redemption" (heavy quotes here) for Amy is being built towards, and yet I rarely see much discussion about this in fan buzz. This is both in terms of general narrative structure as well as a certain scene in the recent Battler Party arc.
Disclaimer: I have terminal brainrot and some of this might be confirmation bias. But maybe it will still give you some food for thought. It's cool if you hate Amy and don't agree with my interpretation just be nice ok guys?
Part1: Iruma's Belief
I think a good jumping off point for this argument would be addressing a point of contention I've seen floating around in this fandom sometimes: Why does Iruma still believe in Amy?
I actually understand why some people might be confused about this. After all, Amy has done nothing but hurt Iruma and the people he cares about, and he has every right to feel upset, angry, and betrayed after he found out the senpai who he'd related to and looked up to so much was nothing but a facade.
Putting his reasons aside for a second, this scene in Deviculum isn't actually the first time Iruma has acted like this toward Amy. It's easy to miss or forget about, but even after everything that happened at the Battler Party, Iruma never shows any hostility, even retroactively, toward Amy.
He kept what happened with Amy a secret from even Asmodeus and Clara—but he doesn't fret over it like he does hiding the fact that he's human. Iruma just doesn't think it was pressing enough that Asmodeus and Clara needed to know about it. Of course, keep in mind that Iruma doesn't interact with Amy at all from the Battler Party all the way until Deviculum, so he doesn't know the extent of the danger he's actually in.
I think Iruma believes in that weak but ambitious demon he met during the Rookie Hunt. Even if Amy revealed himself to have that perverted obsession with despair, even if he tried to kill his classmates and cause chaos, I think to Iruma it doesn't change the fact that Amy is still weak, just like him.
I think a lot of people forget just how much impact Amy had on Iruma when he was first adjusting to the demon world: he didn't have much of a real ambition until he saw that there were demons like Amy who (seemingly) wanted to make the world a more equal place for those without magic—those like Iruma. (A side note, but I imagine this made the part of Amy's speech during Deviculum saying there would be no place for him particularly hard for Iruma to hear from him specifically).
The thing is though—Iruma isn't being entirely naive here. It's true that no matter what Amy does, evil or otherwise, he cannot change the fact that he was born with weak magic.
It's constantly pointed out that Amy relies on magic that's not his own.
It's pointed out so consistently every time he makes an appearance that for a while I thought there was gonna be some weird twist where it wasn't actually Amy? I'm still not confident in how to pin this obvious foreshadowing but for now I firmly believe it's meant to remind the reader that Amy is dependent on his borrowed magic, most likely from Baal—physically, and maybe even emotionally? (It seems possible from the way Asmodeus's narration in this panel is framed that there could be something more insidious at play like experimentation or something, but that's just speculation)
Amy is dependent on most likely Baal's magic just like Iruma is with Sullivan's magic. They may be gaining more and more power to the naked eye, but the moment the "tool" to express that power is stripped of them, they're helpless again. There's a reason Nishi highlighted the direct parallel of both of their magic devices being ring-shaped.
Iruma believes (or wants to believe) that the facade Amy showed him had a glimmer of truth to it because of how strongly it affected him. Of course, it's also because Iruma is an inherently kind and also selfish person. In my opinion, he wants to have the Amy who he looked up to so much, even if he barely ever actually existed. This is why what he declares to Amy at Deviculum is framed as a desire. This is a strong theme of the series and it's something I'll touch on again in another section.
I feel like I should mention after all of that talk that I don't think Amy is actually secretly tortured about his weakness/abandonment or some sadboy schtick like that. We'll get into this more in the next section, but any self-pity or anger he once harbored was something that was flushed out of him quite thoroughly. Right now, he is very much narrow-mindedly concerned with his obsession with eating Iruma, his goals are aligned with Baal and the 6 Fingers, and his lack of magic is solved by his collar, so it's natural he doesn't really care.
I feel like any discussion of Amy's motivations or themes gets shut down a lot with accusations of "making a villain character sympathetic for no reason" when really I only care about villains being interesting. Like I said at the start, the last thing I wanna do is take Amy's unhingedness or autonomy away, because it makes for a really enjoyable villain. I just genuinely believe that Amy is being framed this way deliberately, and I think it opens some fascinating avenues for his character development other than just "Iruma realizes Amy is actually evil after all because unconditional belief is for naive WEENIES and they defeat him".
Anyway, that leads me to the next section, which I admit, is a bit heavier on the interpretative side, hence my disclaimer.
Part 2: Baal
Listen, I know it's a shounen manga and all, but keep in mind Amy is still a 17-18 year old teen. He doesn't have much life experience. He had a hell of a shit childhood even if he did have a weird sadism thing going on. All of these things don't excuse his evil deeds—obviously. But I do think taking these factors into account is absolutely necessary if we're going to try and understand why he is the way he is.
I'm not gonna recount it beat by beat, but as a kid Amy was not only shunned by his family and peers for his lack of magic, but also by his only friend for something that
"Grooming" is a term with very heavy connotations that I'd like to avoid, but at the very least the way Baal takes Amy "under his wing" is very reminiscent of cult conditioning. Members of cults are often recruited in strained or distorted emotional states in which they have a greater desire for acceptance. This tactic is successful in maintaining loyalty in cults because the members are convinced that no one else will accept them besides the cult figurehead or leader—the result is usually a hostility for the world outside of the cult, paranoia about leaving the cult, or both.
Amy, a young child at this point, says outright that he's being ostracized for his behavior, but Baal validates it, and thereby earns his loyalty. Amy is a child at this point; even if Baal claims he's more "twisted" inherently, I think it's unreasonable to characterize them as equals in this relationship, especially when Amy depends on his magic. I think the Amy we know could be very different if he joined Baal when he was older and less impressionable.
You could say Baal didn't validate Amy with the active intent of emotionally manipulating him, it was just a declaration of his honest beliefs—and I honestly half agree with you. Functionally, however, I do still believe that a conditioning process is what happened. In this same scene Amy seemed to still be at least a little bit troubled about how gifting his horn to his friend troubled her and reflected on his abnormalcy, but by the time he reveals all to Iruma, he shows no reservations at all. He doesn't really reflect on the hierarchy which caused him so much suffering outside of how it contributes to more chaos, more despair.
This interpretation (which I've held for quite a while) brings me to a certain scene in the recent Battler Party arc that was eerily reminiscent of this dynamic. It was what spurred me to type all of this out at 5am on a Monday night.
Humor me for a minute, because I realize the comparisons between Palome/Galna and Amy/Baal are not 1:1, but I feel like there are enough similarities that it's worth talking about.
The idea of a demon with twisted perversions which were encouraged by a sibling figure with an ulterior motive is already a pretty compelling parallel to me, but the fact that it was specifically the story behind the Magitool's Battler Party exhibition makes me think that, just maybe, the parallel might have actually been an intentional allusion.
In particular, the line about Palome "facing her desires earnestly" caught my attention. Quite honestly it seems like Amy's fixation on Iruma has become his #1 priority—and although he certainly has returned to origins (strongly associated with base desires) in my opinion his obsession with Iruma, as twisted as it is, is probably the strongest desire he's felt that exists somewhat removed from Baal's direct encouragement. It's personal. It doesn't serve a greater purpose in Baal's plan. Remember the cult analogy I loosely used for comparison earlier? Cult mentality punishes individuality. Food for thought.
There's this great comic by gigausagi on Twitter (it's 🤏shippy so only click if you're cool with that) that explores the idea of Amy's obsession with Iruma conflicting with the will of Baal/the 6 Fingers—I think this is one perfectly natural way his character could develop. I'll get into more detailed hopes/hunches about this later, though.
If the Palome/Galna parallel is an intentional parallel, I think it's really interesting how much it emphasizes the lack of empathy Galna has for her sister because of how it would in turn highlight that feature in Baal, something that I previously had to desperately piece together from subtext. On the other hand, for all the familial fondness Amy seems to have for Baal, at least on some level however shallow, it's already pretty obvious Baal does not care much about Amy outside of how useful he is to his cause.
It might seem silly of me to clarify this considering he's, y'know... the villain, and their thing isn't exactly friendship and rainbows especially considering their beliefs. None of the 6 Fingers display any real fondness for each other—Amy is just the exception here, albeit small.
And Baal does actually have belief in Amy—he believes in Amy's "messed up head". He believes that Amy will prove useful; he believes in Amy's potential for evil. It's a transactional belief, benefitting the cause that they both align themselves with—and which, notably, ends with him in power. Iruma's belief in Amy is largely the opposite. He believes that Amy is capable of good, and his belief in him is founded in the bond they formed.
I also wanna make it clear again that this isn't me scapegoating Baal for everything Amy does because that's lazy and boring and they make it pretty damn clear Amy is all-in on their plans together. However... I don't think it's unreasonable to think this contrast could be a set-up for something in the future.
How could this manifest? Who knows. Right now Baal is more of a passive villain, so it's hard to predict the kind of drastic actions he could take before he does them. Maybe Amy will outlive his usefulness, or maybe there'll be some internal conflict within the group that will strain their allyship. Or maybe Amy's personal desires will conflict with the goals of the 6 Fingers like I mentioned earlier.
Ultimately I'm more concerned with the thematic implications of a conflict like this, which brings us to...
Part 3: Desire
(Spoilers for 2nd Year Battler Party Arc)
I find it veeery interesting the way the protagonists keep aligning themselves with demons like Beem.
They are extremely desire and thrill-driven, I would argue more than any other non-returned to origins demon we've met so far—their parents even suspected they could be returning to origins as a child.
Mairuma has such an overwhelming theme of desire. Mairuma wants you to chase your most private, most shameful, most visceral and selfish desires. Sylvia even went through her evil cycle she was so desperate to fulfill her desire to paint Galna. Mairuma again and again seeks to tell us that there is nothing wrong with being selfish and reaching for what we want.
So far I've talked about two desires that are relevant to the future of Amy's character.
And yeah... it's pretty much spelled out for us here. So, if Amy is still latched onto the idea of eating Iruma, and Iruma is still latched onto the idea of his relatable senpai, how would that conflict be resolved? Well... We've basically been talking about it this entire time. Indulge me for a bit and let me spin the scenario that plagues my mind for you.
I briefly alluded to the possibility of Amy being subjected to some kind of experimentation, presumably to enhance his magical ability. It doesn't have to be this exactly, but nevertheless Amy ends up doing something drastic in order to fulfill his desire of eating Iruma—and in the process either gets used by Baal and the 6 Fingers and thrown away, or intervenes, inadvertently throwing off their plan enough to have him meet a similar fate. It's important here that his magic is taken away somehow—maybe the ring in his collar gets crushed or something. I think it could also be interesting if during this conflict Iruma also lost his ring, or even took it off willingly, to level their footing.
The point is that Amy follows his desire to the point of veering off the path of outright villainy, and onto that personal desire I spoke of earlier.
However, one thing I'm absolutely sure of is that Iruma's desire will be granted. I don't have as much of a concrete picture of this, but I would be extremely shocked if Suzuki "I want to pick everything up" Iruma ever goes back on his desire—especially when it was that first confrontation with Amy that he realized that was his desire in the first place. This, combined with the ominous ass dialogue "It's too late for me, Iruma-kun..." from the panel at the start make me absolutely certain that some sort of Amy redemption is coming—I only wanted to lay out some of my thoughts about it.
I don't think any redemption he gets will cause him to be watered down—Nishi writes way too many unnecessarily insane scenes with Amy for her to just stop cold turkey in my opinion. And even if it ends up incorporating none of the talking points I delved into in this post, I'm still sure that she could do an outstanding job with the task.
And lest we forget how Amy saved him from falling to his death. I think this desire to keep Iruma from dying meaninglessly (or being harvested for his magic or whatever crazy shit 6 Fingers are doing) is also quite a likely point of conflict that could come into play.
What do you all think? Have I gone coconuts? Is anyone else overthinking this the way I am? Is it not that deep? To tell you the truth I probably could have written even more but it's now 8am and I need a power nap. Might edit it up some more when I wake up. Let me know...
#on the art blog like damn sorry i got a lot to say someones gotta hear it#*not art#mairimashita iruma kun#mairimashita! iruma kun#mairuma#m!ik#welcome to demon school iruma kun#ami kirio#amy kiriwo#suzuki iruma#baal
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Shift happens
We're coming up on two years since Eddie Munson was revealed to the world.
I still remember that giddy time. How I felt like I was walking on air, like having a new crush in school. Tiptoeing online and meeting new and old friends to whisper about how he was so cute.
Two years later, everything's changed. First of all, he's changed. He's not the Joe we met. He's grown, (some would say his head has grown), but he's experienced a lot, and it will be interesting to see what he continues to carry with him and what he decides to let go.
And we have certainly changed. The esprit de corps we felt in the beginning has devolved into tribalism and distrust for many people. And I think it has been an eye opener for me personally that so many people feel entitled to project themselves into his narrative.
Limerence, parasocial behavior, social media. Guilty as charged. Yet it's more nuanced than I thought it would be. For example, I've never had the displeasure to meet Donald Trump. But I certainly saw a lot of video of Trump and read a lot of articles about Trump and consequently developed pretty strong feelings about him. Trump's behavior resulted in my making a judgement of his character and deciding to dislike him.
Every tiny piece of media of Joe has been studied like the Rosetta Stone. Of course we have an opinion of who he is based on what he does and what we see. And of course we only see 4% of his reality, so our opinions are probably way off. Yet people do tell on themselves eventually.
I don't blame anyone for the feelings. But we need to be honest with ourselves. He's beyond us.
I wrote 'strapped to a rocket ship' early on and those words are coming true. The media tsunami is just beginning. Soon, every local paper will post a review of AQPDO. Posters of him will be at the bus stop near your house. The Gladiator images will be inescapable. Get ready for award season, Paramount is going to push the entire cast. A24 will gear up their campaign for Warfare to time with Oscar season. And Marvel, my god. His face is going to be on plastic cups, on Christmas tree ornaments. It's all happening.
Millions of newbies are going to pour in. He wants this, clearly. He wants to be famous. He is famous. He's going to be very famous.
Perhaps he feels the need to constantly move forward. Maybe he's running from instead of running to. But he's young, and he's chasing.
Let's be nice to the newbies. Let's not air out old grievances and dredge up old rumors when they arrive. There's already going to be enough drama with the Marvel Purity Police. Let's dazzle these folks with the incredible creativity in this fandom. Fics! Art! GIFs! Songs! (creativity is creativity).
My wish early on was for Joe to understand what a difference he made to so many people emotionally. That it's beyond 'Eddie is my comfort character'. That he changed people's lives.
I hope someday he will understand. That maybe one day all those letters that are sitting in boxes will be read. Maybe when he's in a blue place, he'll go down into the basement and go through them and be blown away. That the words we have written will lift him up. It's a nice thought.
Have a good week, Quinnies.
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This started off as a multigender rant but includes other things, because I'm so pissed off at the queer community for these things that I need to fit it all in one post. Sit back and prepare for this, it's a long read (also feel free to scroll past)
being multigender sucks because I feel too paradoxical to be taken seriously. It doesn't help that I'm also agender :/
Like yeah, identity is your own and you shouldn't shave off parts of it to appease others, but damn does the 'passive' hostility and invalidation towards multigender people such as myself make me feel pushed towards changing myself sometimes.
You can scream into the void all you want about being normal about multigender people and how they label their experiences, but some people just... never will be. That's what it feels like, from the fucking queer community as well as cishet society. It sucks.
I can never be comfortable to explore my womanhood because then my manhood and agenderhood will never be taken seriously. Hell, the fact that I simultaneously experience gender AND being genderless is enough for people to just shit on me and exile me from queer spaces. The fact that I prefer ze/hir and it/its and nounself pronouns is enough for people to call me one of the bad ones. AND, the fact that I am more comfortable being perceived as a man suddenly makes me a 'danger to women'. There are so many issues with how multigender people, neurodivergent queers (literally any kind of neurodivergent, not just the neopronoun xenogender autistic person), queer POC, the list goes on are treated; if you aren't a white woman god help you, god forbid you're a man in any way either.
And don't even get me started about how aroace people are fucking treated. I could go on for another few paragraphs about how I, as someone who is aroace spec and a plethora of other things, don't feel safe sometimes. I could go on and on and on. And fuck it, I will (under the cut because this post is already comically long):
'Aroace is a spectrum' this, 'all aroaces are valid' that, until you're romance/sex oscillating or even favorable, until you're polyamorous, until you're also a lesbian or a gay person or m-spec. Even in the fucking aroace community you're held by some bar of being aroace enough, and if you diverge even slightly god forbid. Allo fictives of aroace characters, hell even those who are aroace in a different way, have to listen to the incessant whining of the 'stop making sexual/romantic fiction of this character! they're repulsed in canon!' crowd. It's fucking obnoxious.
Aroace people are already not taken seriously, aroallos and alloaces are already not taken seriously, and then you have the clown parade of people forcing their own idea of what they want you to be down your throat. The queer community and its many facets feel so fucking unsafe at times, and that sucks because we're all we've got. Some people don't have supportive family or connections outside of online queer spaces, and this is what they get. It's so incredibly shitty.
I don't feel aroace enough because of my experiences, despite also having very stereotypical aroace experiences. I feel forced to constantly be sex/romance averse at times because again, god forbid you're ever favorable. I have two partners, okay? I have partners who I don't necessarily 'love' but care about a lot, and then I have to come across things that erase the fact that I am quite often averse to sex and romance because of this fact! People like me are constantly erased, and when they're represented in fiction people throw a hissy fit. "Oh you're forcing an aroace character into allonormativity!" Hey asshole: maybe, just maybe, aroace people can date just as much as they aren't required to.
Fucking. Jesus. Some community this is, for there to be so much exclusion and hatred and segregation.
#queer#multigender#agender#transgender#lesboy#turigirl#gaybian#neurodivergent queer person#xenogender#neopronouns#nounself#androphobia#aroace#aroallo#alloace#fictive
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Why Vox Hates Angel Dust
So I've seen a lot of people commenting on how Vox probably hates Angel Dust because he takes away Valentino's attention. He hates how much brain space Valentino gives to the spider. He should be just another whore, but somehow he has managed to live rent free in Val's brain. However, it has now been confirmed that Vox and Valentino aren't actually dating, but rather have an "intense relationship," so I feel like this is less likely. There's also the element that Vox knew who he was getting into this with. Valentino was never going to be a one-person lover.
Now, I'm gonna add the caveat here that I don't actually think Vox hates Angel at all (more on that in another post), but it's a popular theory/headcanon, so of course I'm gonna play with it.
Also, fun fact, this is not the Vox and Angel Dust analysis I mentioned thinking about a while back lol still have to write that one...
TW for domestic abuse, abusive relationships, physical violence, gaslighting/victim-blaming, and other canon-typical triggers. Contains abusive StaticMoth and Vox being an asshole.
Something I will repeat until I am blue in the face is that Vox is all about image. Public perception is everything to him. He has to be perfect. Powerful. Intelligent. In control. Anything that threatens that image would earn his fury and hatred.
So where does Angel come into this?
I think Vox and Valentino got into one of their many fights. Maybe Val tore apart one of his actors or broke some equipment in a fit of anger and now the shooting schedule has to be completely restructured and Vox is pissed. This is his company, the Vees' image, and their bottom line that Val is fucking with every time he can't control himself. So they fight and fight and fight until Valentino, in all his toddler tantrum glory, hits Vox. Throws him to the ground and shatters his screen. And Angel is there for the whole thing. Maybe he walks in when it happens, maybe he's been there the whole time, but whatever the case, he sees Vox in a state of weakness, in a state where he is not in control. And then Angel does the worst possible thing he could at this moment.
He looks at Vox with sympathy.
Vox is enraged. How dare this fucking whore look at him like he understands him? Like he pities him? He's not like him. He's not the one who was stupid enough to sell his soul to this fucking psycho. He isn't weak. How fucking dare he imply that he's weak? He's Vox. He. Is. Not. Weak. He screams at Angel to get out and Angel is definitely not stupid enough to disobey.
Later, when his screen is fixed and he has smoothed things over with Valentino, Vox corners Angel and threatens him: if Vox ever catches even the slightest hint of a rumor of what happened in Valentino's office that day, he will make Angel's life so miserable the spider will contemplate staying outside for the next extermination.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin vox#hazbin valentino#hazbin angel dust#staticmoth#hazbin hotel vox#vox hazbin hotel#alice rambles
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In Search of Supernatural Fans from the Early Years
Hi! I’m looking for the legends who originally recorded old Supernatural convention panels featuring Jared or Jensen, or possibly Misha. See "What I'm Looking For" below. If you know one of them, or if you're a member of a community with people who were in the fandom in those early years, I’d greatly appreciate it if you could let them know about this post. I can be reached at [email protected] or here on Tumblr.
If you aren’t familiar with my project, see the “Project Background” section below. This is not a low-effort exercise to merely repackage old videos. I’m putting many hours of work into each video to improve their watchability and accessibility. I will always credit my sources unless you wish to remain anonymous.
Even if your videos are on YouTube, I’m likely to have more success upscaling them if I can get the original video files. Thanks to the videos AgtSpooky kindly sent me, I've learned how big of a difference it can make when I have the original files to work with. That's why I’m putting more effort into finding those elusive original video takers.
The problem is that they all seem to have fallen off the face of the earth. Most of their YouTube accounts, LiveJournal accounts, and whatever other accounts I’ve dug up haven’t had any activity in 10-15 years. I’ve left a few messages on some of them, but I doubt they’ll be seen on dormant accounts. I’ve also gone down some crazy and twisted Googling paths trying to find current contact info for them, but without much success. In one case I even messaged the wrong person, who was at least kind enough to reply to the psycho asking for videos to let me know she wasn't the person I'd hoped she was. Oops!
What I’m Looking For
I’ve already finished CHICON 2007, Comic-Con 2008, and CHICON 2008, so I don’t need videos from those events, but I’d be happy to try to upscale your videos for your own collection if you have some you'd like to send me.
Actually, I could use CHICON 2008 Breakfast videos if you have any. I plan to attempt to redo that video either late this year or early next year.
I’ve been trying especially hard to reach people with original video files from either LA 2009 or Asylum 3 (2009), and I’d also be ecstatic to get some from LA 2008.
Any other old con videos you’re willing to share that have Jared or Jensen in them would be awesome. I hope to get to all the old conventions eventually. I haven’t yet defined “old”, so I don’t have a specific cutoff point.
Even if you just have audio files without video, those could be helpful too.
Length doesn't matter. Both long and short videos are welcome. Maybe I won't end up using them all, but the more options I have the better. Even if I don't put your video in my final edit, it would still be used because I always listen to every single video I can find when I'm finalizing my subtitles. Each video sounds at least a little different, and sometimes just hearing the audio in a slightly different way lets me catch a subtitle I'd missed or misheard.
Also, just to be clear, it isn’t necessarily my intent to exclude Misha. I’ve watched and enjoyed many of his convention videos and I liked Castiel for the most part, especially in the earlier seasons. I’m just not obsessed with Misha like I am with Jared and Jensen, and these videos do take quite a lot of work, so I’ve been putting my energy where my greatest interests lie. I’ll absolutely be including him when he’s in panels with Jared and/or Jensen, and in the future I may consider doing some of his solo panels.
So if you have original video files of Misha's solo panels that you’d like to send me, I’d be happy to add them to my stockpile for future possible use. If your videos turn out to be mostly complete, and if they upscale easily, then I might go ahead and do his panel at the same time I do the other panels from the same convention. If they'll take more effort to work with, I’ll probably skip them for now, but I may come back and tackle them if/when I run out of old Jared and Jensen videos to work with.
For any con videos you send me, regardless of whether I use them or not, I’d be happy to try to upscale them and send them back to you for your collection. I can’t always get things to upscale, so I can’t promise success, but I’ll definitely try.
Project Background - Enhanced Edition Con Videos
You can find my videos on my YouTube channel. (If you're already familiar with my project, skip to the next section -- there's nothing new to see here.)
I started this project in December 2023 to enhance old convention videos. My goal is to make them easier on the eyes and more accessible to both new and old fans from around the world. The videos on YouTube from that time can be difficult both to watch and to understand due to a combination of the older technology used to record them, the difficult recording conditions the fans were working with, and the lack of subtitles that make any sense.
I’m enhancing the videos as follows:
Visual Improvements: I’m upscaling the videos if possible, making color corrections if needed, and adding some slight stabilization to reduce the jitteriness. The end result is far from perfect because there’s only so much that current technology can do, but it's noticeably improved if you compare it to the originals.
Subtitles: I’m adding good, color-coded, English subtitles that can be turned on or off through YouTube’s CC button. The color-coding makes it more clear who's saying what when multiple people are speaking, and YouTube can auto-translate them into other languages to improve the accessibility.
Multiple Sources: If one video has gaps in it, then I'll try to find another that I can edit in to fill those gaps so the end result is as complete as possible. If I have more than one source that captured the same portion of the event, then I'll cut to whichever video I think had the best view of the action. In a few cases I’ve added a split screen with two different videos showing simultaneously so we can see action that's taking place in two separate areas. For example, when Jared and Jensen are on opposite sides of the stage. (There were also the infernal talking head bubbles on my Comic-Con 2008 video which nearly made me throw in the towel, but taught me a lot. 😅)
Extra Content for Context: These older videos don’t take up the full width of a modern video frame, so I’ve taken advantage of the extra space to display some still images with text to add extra context for many of the things they discuss. Some things are a lot funnier, or at least a lot more relevant, when you know exactly what they’re talking about. I clarify Supernatural episode references and pop culture references among other things. Sometimes I’ve also inserted short video clips, usually just a few seconds’ worth, if I thought it would add worthwhile clarity or entertainment to the topic at hand.
Current Project Status
If anyone has been wondering how I’m doing on my current video and what’s next… I’m almost done with the last video from CHICON 2008, which was Jensen’s solo panel. I should be ready to publish it on YouTube this Friday, May 24. I plan to use the same schedule as last time and put the Tumblr post up the following Tuesday when it’s a little more likely to be noticed here.
The next sequential conventions are LA 2009 and Asylum 2009, but I haven’t had much success in my attempts to upscale the available videos. If I were to work with what I have now, I know I could turn out something better than what’s on YouTube today, but the end result wouldn’t be nearly as good as what I might be able to achieve if I can get some original videos to work with. So I think it’s more logical to skip over these conventions for now and give it some time to see if I get any responses, in hope of a better end result.
I do intend to come back to the skipped conventions eventually, even if nobody sends me anything. Once I run out of conventions for which I can upscale the videos, if I still don't have anything better to work with for the ones I skipped, I’ll just do the best I can with what’s available. Even if I can't upscale, I can still do color corrections and stabilization, plus the subtitles and extra content. Some of these panels are split up into a bunch of very short videos, so it would also add value if I can combine them into something more sequential and cohesive. (I found 130 videos from the Jared and/or Jensen panels at LA 2009, and most of them were under 2 minutes long. 🤣) I don’t know if there’s enough footage to cover the entire panels seamlessly, but I’m itching to get my hands on that jigsaw puzzle of videos to try to make sense out of them.
So… the next videos I intend to work on will be from Vancouver 2009. This is one of the conventions that AgtSpooky attended and sent me videos for and they upscaled very well. Her breakfast video had already found its way onto YouTube, but wasn't properly credited. Her main panel videos aren't on YouTube as far as I could find, so that version may be new to newer fans. I'm only just starting to play around with upscaling the other sources out there, but my first attempt at the other main Breakfast source came out well. Both breakfast videos were taken from extreme opposite angles, so that should provide some useful editing opportunities. I’d still love to get more videos of this event if anyone has them.
If you made it this far, I am in awe. Sorry for putting this wall of text on your screen! 😅
#jared padalecki#jensen ackles#misha collins#supernatural#spnfamily#spn family#spn#spnfandom#j2#jared and jensen#jensen and jared#enhanced edition con video development#spn con#supernatural convention
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