this post is only half-serious but i am constantly thinking about whatever weird body image issues dick winters had going on

i mean, the man is obsessed. look at how he talks about joining the paratroops:

'The more I looked at the paratroopers, the more I was inclined to join them as soon as I graduated from OCS. Of all the outfits I'd seen at Fort Benning, they were the best looking and most physically fit ... Airborne troopers looked like how I had always pictured a group of soldiers: hard, lean, bronzed, and tough' (Beyond Band of Brothers)

'It was at Benning that Winters first saw paratroopers up close. They were everything he'd always envisioned a soldier to be: lean, hard, well trained and disciplined, bronzed and tough. The men bore a fierce pride' (Biggest Brother)

and the main things he values in his friendship with tab:

'Later [Floyd Talbert and I] developed a personal friendship that transcended rank. Talbert was athletic and dedicated. You knew if your life were on the line, he would come through'

and he's always mentioning it in his letters to deetta - this isn't even all of them from Hang Tough:

'Is cheese fattening? What a question! What's cheese made out of? Well, is milk and butter fattening? Ok, then, stay away from the cheese, eat more proteins, like that steak, but no carbohydrates' (Letter during basic training)

'Now if you want to take off weight, you must do it every day and in addition, take it easy on the chow and liquid intake. After about two or three weeks, if you've been real conscientious, you'll see some results. This may sound like a lot of bunk to you but there are few days when I don't run between two - two and a half miles, do 80 pushups, 60 situps on a footlocker, a couple of splits, and some leg and trunk exercises after the day's work is over. As a result I keep in pretty good shape' (Letter literally written at the airfield a week before Market Garden)

'I don't believe out of 600 men [in Second Battalion] that over 10 have been married. And in about 6 cases, they drew a lemon, I'd say. Something that should come with a sack where they really wear a hat ... Starting to get in pretty good shape again, 174. Just ten pounds off my fighting weight and I could make that in three, four days. How's your fighting form? Don't answer that' (Letter from Austria)

all of which is an objectively insane way to speak to your maybe-girlfriend. did he think this was flirting? was deetta thrilled to get weight loss advice and comments about how random english women were ugly from a man in the middle of a warzone

he manages to include multiple shirtless photos of himself in his books but not a single physical description of nix. even the random man who picks him up hitchhiking and then tries to pick him up gets called 'good-looking'. irene, nix's english wife, gets 'anything but beautiful' and 'skinny' which. dick. what is wrong with you

YOU ARE MINE FOREVER ~ CHRISTIAN YU

Request: Hey!!! Can you writhe a Christian Yu imagine wedding day and then wedding night 🤪😏 thx ❤️❤️❤️ fluff and smut pls 🙏🏻

A/N: I didn't have much time for writing during summer due to my work and now I'm back at school, so it's kinda difficult  😅 but here it is the one for Mr. Ian, there were two requests for him a long time ago. I hope you enjoy it cause I suck at writing smut.

Word Count: 1605

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE, SORRY FOR ALL THE MISTAKES 

You waited for this day your whole life. It sounds cliche, but you did. Since you were a little girl you've dreamed about your wedding day, you always thought it's going to make you a Disney princess. As you grew up, having a princessy wedding was not that important to you anymore, all you wanted now was to have people you love next to you on that special day. The day you are going to marry your prince charming.

You would never expect that the one you gonna marry is going to be Christian Yu. You two have known each other since kindergarten, but you were never really friends. Everything changed in high school when you and he got paired up for a biology project. You became really good friends and as years passed you two fell in love with each other.

After almost 5 years of dating, you were in the middle of the dance floor dancing with the love of your life. You couldn't take off your eyes from Christian, he was absolutely stunning. The fact that you can call him your husband made you really emotional.

Your relationship wasn't perfect. You two had your ups and downs, but you learned how to overcome it together and make your relationship work. Christian wasn't a perfect man, he often forgot about important things regarding your relationship and he was making empty promises that he never kept, but you loved him endlessly and he loved you.

"What are you thinking about, love?" Christian whispered to your ear, his soft breath made shivers go down your spine. You looked up at him, his eyes glowing in the colorful lights that were pointed at you two swaying on the dance floor.

"I'm thinking about you, about us, and about everything we went through together"

Christian haven't said anything about your words, he just smiled fondly at you.

"I love you so much Y/N"

" I love you too Christian, a lot"

Your wedding party lasted till 4 am. Everybody was having so much fun and you were really happy about it, but as soon as it ended you could feel how tiredness overtook you, your eyes were closing on their own.

"Are you tired, baby?" Christian sat down on the chair next to you and pated your head gently.

"Mhm..." you mumbled to him as you snuggled into his white suit shirt. Christian arms wrapped around you in a sweet, warm hug. He smelled like cigarettes and Aqua Di Gio from Giorgio Armani ( smells like heaven )

You smiled slightly at the smell of the perfume. You remember when you bought it for him for the first time, as a gift for his 22nd birthday. It was such a long time ago and you still were together.

"I think we should go to our room, sweetie because if we don't you're going to fall asleep on this chair" Christian laughed at your current state, you were exhausted.

" Yeah, you're probably right but my feet hurt too much for me to go up the stairs to the second floor," you said dissatisfied. You really didn't want to go up these stairs.

"Come one you big baby, you can manage it" Christian dragged you up from the chair and led you towards the door" You followed him in his tracks with a big frown on your face, that your husband hasn't seen.

You sighed empathically to let him know how dissatisfied you were with the fact that you needed to walk, but he didn't react and kept on going to your hotel room.

You looked down on your feet, feeling pretty unhappy when you felt your feet leaving the ground, a big sigh of surprise leaving your mouth.

"What are you doing?" You looked at your husband, he had a cheeky grin on his face and his eyes were full of playful sparkles.

" I'm taking you to our room because If you're going to keep your tempo we're going to arrive there next week "

" You're not funny Barom, you do know that right?" You rolled your eyes at him as you squeezed your arms around his neck, a whine leaving his mouth.

" I thought you married me because I'm the funniest guy you've ever met"

" Absolutely not, Cline is the funniest guy I've ever met"

You didn't even know when you two had reached your room, it was always like that with Christian time was running fast and it seemed to you like an eternity would not be enough for you two to be with each other.

Christian entered the room with you in his arms. Your dress hanging in the air.

The room seemed cozy, it's light brown walls and a big bed made it somehow feel like home. 

"I think we should wash up, we both reck of sweat" Christian whispered in your ear after he put you on the ground. Even though he said that he still hasn't let go of you.  He was hugging you from the back, his arms seemed really big around your body. You were tiny compared to him.

"We should. Can you please help me take off my wedding dress, it might be hard for me to do it on my own"

Christian didn't say anything to your ask, he immediately went to undo the zipper of your beautiful white dress. His fingertips caressed your bareback, which send thousands of sparks down your spine.

His hands were warm and gentle, you felt your body temperature rising. Desire taking over you. You turned around to him, the dress falling to your feet leaving you only in the set of white lace lingerie. Christian's eyes widened at the side of you, his pupils turning black.

He didn't say any word, neither did you. In a span of a second, his hands were all over your body, lips attached to yours in a steamy kiss. You were feeling hot in every place he touched you.

What was once a kiss has turned into a heavy make-out session. You didn't even know, how you found yourself laying on the bed under your husband's muscular body.

Yours and Christian's heavy breaths filled the room, you two were lost in each other.

Christian got rid of your bra and tossed it somewhere, his lips immediately leaving kisses on your chest, a loud moan escaping your lips.

"Christian" you looked at him with your hooded eyes, he looked so good. His hair messy from your fingers that were running past them seconds before, his shirt undone giving you a sight of his tattooed, toned body.

"What do you want baby ?" His face was serious and his eyes had an erotic glimpse in them.

" I want you"

"Then take me" you groaned at his words. Sitting up you went to take off his clothes right away. He did not owe you and had taken off your panties, the only part of clothing on your body.

You pushed him on the back suiting yourself between his legs. Your lips finding a place around his dick. A loud groan leaving his mouth, his head falling back on the pillows. You looked up at him, your lips never leaving his manhood. You loved to suck him off, to see him so desperate and at your mercy.

You boobed your head down his shaft as far as you could, his cock hitting the back of your throat, making you choke a little.

Christian's breathing became heavier and sharper, it was a sign for you that he was near his climax. He felt this too, he catches your face in his hands and sprung you up to make you stop. His breath is still heavy from all the pleasure you were giving him.

"I want to cum in you baby" he whispered above your lips before giving you a kiss.

His words made your womanhood throb, arousal unbearable to handle by this point.

Christian didn't waste his time, his fingers rubbing your clit, gaining a loud moan from you. He smirked at the sight of you, worked up just from his fingers, his dick twitching.

" Baby, please. I need you inside me. Please" you were aware of the fact how desperate you sounded, but it has always been that way. You were always desperate for him.

There was no need to ask him twice. His dick filling you up right away, your walls squeezing around him, giving you two so much pleasure.

Christian's thrusts into you became faster and faster with every next one, making you a moaning mess.

" Oh my god, Christian! I'm gonna cum, oh my god!" You could bearly get any words out of yourself to captivated in the way how good he was making you feel.

" I got you baby, cum on my cock. Come one" He breathed out of his greeted teeth, his thrusts becoming even faster.

You came all over him with a loud scream leaving your mouth, your body shaking from your release.

Christian's body stopped moving into you seconds later, his semen filling you up.

You two were laying there next to each other, smiles on your faces. Your head laying on your husband's chest, his hands finding their place around you in a loving manner.

"You know that you are mine right? You are mine forever" He asked you

"Yeah, I'm yours. Just as much as you are mine"

Getting Off The Wrong Foot

[Christian Yu | Chapter XI]

Previous Chapters:

Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI | Chapter VII | Chapter VIII | Chapter IX | Chapter X

“Are you falling for me too?“ He asked, his eyes locked with yours. Your widened eyes rested on him, not blinking. You spent a few seconds staring at him, your brain unable to formulate a thought. It was a question you didn’t expect at all, especially not coming for him.

“You’re worried? Wanna make a run for it?“ You then broke out into a deep rumbling laughter. Joking - that’s how you dealt with situations you weren’t comfortable with. He couldn’t have been serious anyway, could he? But unlike yours, his face showed no sign of amusement. Usually he would join you and laugh at your jokes, even if they weren’t funny to begin with. But this time, not a muscle on his face twitched. He looked at you deadpan. Was he afraid that you might cling onto him like other girls did? Was he afraid to lose his freedom?

“You’ve been a good friend to me, plus the sex is good. But that’s it. You’re safe. Nothing to be worried about. I’m not falling for you, Christian,” you assured him and you meant it. How could you fall in love with him, when your heart still belonged to someone else? He sighed shortly. Was it a sigh of relief or disappointment? You couldn’t read the expression on his face nor could you guess what was going through his mind right now. You had agreed early on that this would only be physical thing. Why was he suddenly worried about it turning into something more? Admittedly you were a hopeless romantic, but you weren’t over Kiseok yet and he knew, it was the reason you slept with him in the first place. If you had met him under different circumstances, maybe then things would have been different. But there was no room, to think about what ifs. 

“Good, ‘cause I’m really not looking for a relationship,” he then said with a confidence that didn’t sound very convincing, but you shook it off with a shrug. You didn’t want to start questioning him now.

“Good, me neither,” you agreed with him.

~*~

Keeping up the act was quite exhausting and you were slowly beginning to regret having agreed to it in the first place. It didn’t cross your mind that fooling his family wouldn’t be as easy as you had imagined. They knew him inside out while you barely had gotten to know him. You spent most of your time with physical activities and afterwards you were both so exhausted you would go straight to sleep. There was no room for pillow talks. So when his relatives told you stories about him, it felt as though they were describing a completely different person, a stranger. You learned a lot more about him in the span of a few hours than you did over the past few weeks. Ever since you stepped inside this house your entire body felt tensed, you were in constant fear that someone might see through it. Despite your worries, the afternoon went by without any mishaps on your part. You just had to endure a couple more hours, before you could go home, you thought to yourself. But before you could face his relatives again, you needed a moment to yourself. A moment where you could be yourself, not Christian’s fake girlfriend. When nobody was paying attention to you, you quickly escaped to the balcony that was attached to the living room. You took a slow controlled breath and attempted to loosen your body movements. You felt the fresh spring breeze fill your lungs. Winter hadn’t fully passed yet, it was still rather cold outside. Crossing your arms, you leaned them against the railing. Your eyes watched the sun slowly setting behind the buildings at the horizon. The sun casted it golden rays down upon the rooftops, painting the sky shades of orange and pink. Taking this beautiful sight in, your body could finally relax a little.

You heard the balcony door open and close behind you. You didn’t turn around, because you knew the sound of those footsteps. Christian stepped next to you and also leaned against the railing, his eyes following yours, taking in the picture-perfect sight in front of you.

“Are you cold?” He asked when he saw how lightly you were dressed. Without waiting for your answer, he slid the suit jacked down his shoulders, but you stopped him midway. You pulled it back over his shoulders, adjusting it neatly.

“Keep it on. You just recovered from your cold,” you reminded him. He had been lying sick in bed the past few days. Since his fever was quite high you dropped by almost every day after work to check on him. He didn’t really have anyone else to take care of him so you took it upon yourself. It was in your nature as the elder sister to worry too much. You were used to taking care of your sick brother, it wasn’t any different with Christian. It were the same symptoms and you knew exactly what he needed to heal quickly. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized out of the blue.

You turned your head to the side, looking at him through narrowed eyes. You didn’t understand what he was apologzing for. “My family can be a pain in the arse.”

You shook your head at him with a little smile planted on your lips. “They’re lovely people.” “You think?”

“My family is not that big. I only have an uncle. He never had kids so I’ve never experienced something like this. It’s quite fun, except for the interrogation part,” you chuckled lightly. It was the first time you experienced a family reunion like this. Your own family wasn’t that close, you never met up for holidays or birthdays. Your uncle only ever called when he needed something. 

“You’re lucky my aunt hasn’t found the time to talk to you yet,” he told you playfully as he lightly nudged your elbow with his. “I don’t think she can be worse than your cousins.”

“Why? What did they do?” A wide grin played on his lips.

“They asked way too many questions! It felt like my brain was exploding coming up with lies to tell,” you whined. “What kind of questions did they ask?” “How we met, who confessed first, if you’re romantic, how our sex life is, if you treat me good,—“

“Our sex life?” Christian repeated with arched brows. You could see the smug smirk on his lips even though he was trying to hide it. Of course, out of everything you had said, it was that part that caught his attention. “What did you say?” “I said it was good,” you shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly, deciding to completely omitting the part where you fantasized about him.

“Just good? That’s an understatement, you make me look bad!” He grabbed his chest, pretending to feel offended. “You should have said that I am the best you ever had.”

“That would’ve been a lie though,” you immediately retorted without thinking.

“I’m not your best?” He asked you in a high-pitched voice, looking at you in disbelief. “Who is then?”

Christian was, but you didn’t want to admit it to someone whose ego was as big as his. No, you would never admit it to him, because then you wouldn’t hear the end of it. “Kiseok?” He took a guess as you didn’t answer his question. Even now you remained silent. “The way you described him I thought he was a rather selfish lover. Guess he was doing something right,” he then said trying to provoke a reaction from you. Suddenly Christian shifted in his position. He stood in front of you, his hands grabbing the railing, his arms either side of you trapping you in between. 

“Let me redeem myself, then.” He leaned his muscular body against yours, pressing your back against the cold railing. You felt a shiver run down your spine. “I’ll be the best you ever had.” One of his hand slid under your dress, pushing the soft fabric up your thighs. Then it worked its way to your butt, giving it a tight squeeze. His head moved closer and  he covered your mouth with his in a hungry kiss.

“Your family, Christian,” you reminded him sharply as you were struggling to push him away. Truth be told, you actually didn’t want him to stop there, but you weren’t going to embarrass yourself today. Not in front of so many strangers that he called his family. It was only a glass door that separated you from his entire family. Even though they couldn’t see you because of the thick curtain hanging over the door, it was too risky. Somebody could have come barging  in at any given moment. 

“I don’t think I can wait ‘till we get home,” he groaned at the loss of contact. He tried to kiss you again, but you quickly turned your head to the side. Then you felt something hard pressing against your lower abdomen. You lowered your gaze and your jar dropped open at the sight of the bulge in his pants. “You’re unbelievable, Christian,” you shook your head at him as you threw him a glare.

“I can’t help it,” he whined. He bit down on his bottom lip as his eyes caressed your body. 

“You look so sexy today,” he whispered in your ear, before kissing your ear lobe. You felt his hot, uncontrolled breath brushing against your skin. “C’mon, Min.” “Nope,” you shook your head. “Your whole family is right on the other side of the door!”

“Don’t make me beg for it,” he whispered in a pleading tone. He almost had you there, the expression on his face, his deep voice and the way he was looking at you. It was too much for you to handle, you needed to get out of there, before you would give in to him. 

“Take care of it yourself,” you told him, trying to sound as cold and sharp as possible. You smoothly wriggled out of his arms and walked towards the door. “Fuck,” a deep groan left his mouth. “Can you at least stay with me until…my dick has calmed down.”

“Fine,” you turned back again and walked towards him as your eyes mustered him.

“Shit, Minhee, don’t look at me like that. It’s not helping,” he complained out of the blue. “That’s my face!” “Turn around,” he ordered. Not waiting for you to follow his instructions, he grabbed your shoulders and turned you the other way. He closed his eyes, trying to distract himself, trying not to think about the things he wanted to do with you. But the image of your naked body kept reappearing inside of his head and he was getting more and more turned on by the second. “I just took a huge dump today,” you said out of the blue. His eyes shot open. “What?” “It was really nasty and it smelt horribly.” You thought the more disgusting the story you invented was, the quicker his erection would disappear.

“That’s information I didn’t need to know.”

“Did it help though?” “Not at all,” he shook his head with a laugh.“I’m gonna go to the restroom.You need to cover for me though.” He walked behind you so nobody could see his little friend down there. When you reached the restroom, you parted with him. You went back to the living room where the party was at. As you were standing in the room like a lost puppy, his mother walked over to you and kept you company. Although she did ask you a couple questions, she didn’t make you feel like you were being interrogated. The way she was speaking to you, you were the one that wanted to tell her more about yourself. That’s the power she had. You ended up revealing a bit more about yourself than you had originally planned. 

“To be honest, I was a bit scared he wouldn’t be able to love again after Nayeon.”

It was the first time someone mentioned the name of his ex and judging by the how softly she spoke about her, she must have liked her quite a bit. His ex must have gotten along well with his mother. She probably fooled her just like she had Christian wrapped around her fingers. But how was what you were doing right now any different to how his ex played everybody? You weren’t being truthful either, so how could you condemn someone else for doing exactly what you were doing right now.

“He’s someone with a big heart. He just needs to find the right person to give it to. I’m really glad he’s found you. When he told me about you he was grinning from ear to ear. I missed that boyish, carefree look on him. He seems to be really fond of you.” “I don’t think so,” you blurted out without thinking. His mother had such high hopes for you, it didn’t feel right to be lying to her.

“Don’t say something like that, dear. Rome wouldn’t introduce a girl he wasn’t serious about to the family. And I can see why he likes you so much.” “No…he…I-I mean…” you stuttered when you couldn’t find the right words to explain the situation. “We’re not really dating. I’m sorry for lying to you,“ you blurted out without thinking.

“If you’re not his girlfriend, then…” His mother looked at you confused. “I’m just a friend. He asked me to come, because his aunts were pressuring him so much. I’m really sorry.” “It’s ok, dear. My sisters can be kind of…obtrusive sometimes,” she agreed with a laugh. She didn’t seem to be caught off guard by the new information. You expected her to be angry with you, but she seemed to be taking it rather relaxed.  

“But your son is a really great guy. I’m sure he’ll find the right person,” you meant what you said. Those were probably the first true words that you had said today. 

“Sometimes you miss the forest for the trees.”

“What do you mean?” “Never mind. There he is, I’ll leave you two alone,” she nodded to Christian who had just  appeared in the crowd. 

~*~

“What were you talking about with my mum?” “I kinda fucked up. I’m sorry,” you admitted straight away as you swallowed down. “What happened?”

“I couldn’t lie to your mom. She knows we’re just pretending.” You expected him to be angry. He had been a great emotional support to you without asking for anything in return. It was only one simple favor, yet you couldn’t even manage to get through the day without messing up. “Well, it’s my mum,” he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “She probably knew anyway.”

“You’re not angry?”

“Why would I be?” He looked at you dumbfounded as he let out a laugh. “I got my aunts off my back. That’s what I wanted in the first place.”

“I’ll go get some drinks.” “No,” you hurriedly grabbed his hand, pulling him back. “Please don’t leave me alone with your family,” you said with panic in your eyes. You weren’t sure you would survive another interrogation by his cousins. 

“Okay,” he chuckled softly. “I won’t leave your side.” “You can let me go, you know?” He looked down and your eyes followed his. You didn’t realize you were still holding his hand until he pointed it out.

“Sorry,” you quickly pulled your hand back as if touching fire while an awkward chuckle left your lips.

~*~

[Time leap]

“Mum, we’re heading home first. Minhee has a meeting early in the morning.“

“Where is she?“ His mother looked left and right, searching for you.”She’s waiting in the car.“ Christian wanted to bid goodbye to his mother, but after the incident between you and his mother, it didn’t feel right to appear in front of her again. You felt too guilty for lying.

“Confess to her before it’s too late.“ “What?“ He looked at his mother with big eyes, completely startled by her words. “Mum, it’s not like that. I just asked her to pretend to be my girflfriend, so I won’t have to go on those stupid blind dates.“ “Rome, when do you ever learn that you cannot deceive your own mother? I know my son. And I know when he is in love.”

“I’m not in love with her. Really. She’s a just good friend,“ he denied again as he shook his head. He knew once his mother was set on something, there was no changing her mind whether she was actually right or wrong. But why was he so adamant in proving her wrong right now? Whom was he trying to convince?

“Don’t wait too long or you might miss your chance.“

“I don’t even like her that way. Neither does she,” he tried to explain to his mother. 

“I see the way you look at her. That’s not the look of someone who’s looking at his friend…” “Mum, it’s really not like that. She’s a good friend…and she’s in love with someone else anyway. She was just trying to help me out because I asked her.”

“If you wait too long to acknowledge your feelings, you might lose her.”

~*~

Ever since Christian returned to the car he had been rather quiet. He didn’t talk a lot throughout the ride and it made you wonder if you had said something to irritate him. You tried to backtrack your conversations with him. He didn’t seem angry when you had told him that his mother knew the truth. He was still goofing around with you afterwards. It was only after he went in again to say goodbye to his mother that his mood suddenly changed. It must have had something to do with his mother, you concluded. “Did your mom scold you? I’m sorry. It just didn’t feel right to lie to her.“ “Nah everything’s good,“ Christian quickly shook it off and gave you a reassuring smile. It was a half-hearted smile. You could tell his mind was somewhere else and he didn’t put in much effort to hide it. 

“Why are you so quiet then?“ You probed further. “I’m just a bit tired.“ He closed his eyelids and crossed his arms in front of his chest, sinking into the seat. You reached out one of your hands while the other held the wheel, your eyes still focused on the roads. You touched his forehead to check his temperature which made him flinch. “What are you doing?“ He pushed himself into an upright position, his full attention now on you. “Checking your temperature.“ “I’m good.“ “You sure?“ His forehead was warm, it wasn’t quite a fever yet, but it wasn’t the normal  body temperature either. “I’m fine, Minhee,“ he chuckled.

“Then what’s going through your mind?“

Christian looked away from you, then down at his shoes. Still not meeting your eyes, he touched the watch on his wrist and played with it for a moment. The car remained utterly silent. You heard the sound of his breaths, irregular and shaky. 

“What you said earlier…”

“What exactly?“ You had spent the entire day with him and his family, you had said a lot of things to him. It was impossible to remember everything or guess what he was referring to. “You said you’re not falling in love with me.“ “You’re still worried about that?“ You chuckled, your shoulders falling in relief. You thought it was something serious, but if it was only that bothering him, he had nothing to worry about. “How can you be so sure? I mean it’s possible that you do, isn’t it?“

You spent a moment thinking about it, but you couldn’t imagine dating him, or dating anyone in general right now. “I don’t think that’s gonna happen.“ “Why not?“ “You’re not my type,“ you answered shortly and simply. “What is your type?“ “Well, for starters someone who’s not afraid of commitment.“

“I’ve been in relationships,“ he pointed out matter-of-factly. 

“I know, but…you don’t want to be in one right now, do you?“

“Where did you get that idea?”

“You said that! And you’re not really making an effort in meeting someone or going on dates.”

He didn’t say anything, he couldn’t say anything. After all you were right and he couldn’t dispute that. He was way too busy to meet someone new and go on dates. Getting to know someone was a time-consuming activity and he didn’t have time left to spare. The time he had, he wanted to spend with you. 

“Ian, you don’t have to worry,” you assured him again. “I don’t even wanna be in a  romantic relationship right now, neither do you. I want some time for myself, you know. Just focusing on work and myself, I’ve been neglecting that for too long. It’s just sex, no feelings involved.” You words were supposed to give him assurance. You thought that was what he wanted to hear, but they had a different effect him. Christian remained silent again. He glanced out of the window, then at his feet. His gaze danced around, avoiding yours. 

”If you’re that worried that I might catch feelings, we could just stop-”

“I don’t wanna stop,” he replied almost immediately as though it was a reflex. “What is it that you want then?”

He didn’t answer that question, because he knew he couldn’t have what he wanted. He’d be asking for too much. “You’re right,” he let out a shaky breath. For a moment, there was no sound. 

“Let’s stop.”

~*~

You parked his car in the underground garage of his apartment. You turned off the engine and pulled out the keys, before returning them to their owner.

“I can’t drive you home, because I drank,” he said with an apologetic look on his face.

“I know, I’ll just take a cab.” “You can stay, you know,” he offered as he awkwardly scratched the back his head. “And do what?” Whenever one of you stayed for the night, there was only one purpose. But sex was out of question now that you both came to the mutual agreement to stop. Staying for the night and not sleeping with each other seemed weird to you. It felt wrong.  

“Right…” he let out an awkward chuckle. “Text me, when you’re home.”

~*~

[Time leap]

You were brushing you hair when you heard the sound of the door bell. You hurriedly walked to the intercom while your hands were busy tying your hair into a bun which was rather difficult without a mirror. At times like these, you wondered why you let your hair grow that long in the first place. It would be a lot easier if you just chopped everything off. You turned on the speaker function and told Christian that you would be down in a minute. 

“I’ll come upstairs.”

“Why?” You wondered, but still pressed the button to open the door. I felt a bit weird, he hadn’t taken a step inside your apartment since you both agreed to stop the physical activities. All you ever did at home was related to sex, that’s why you never bothered to invite him in again.You left your apartment door ajar so he could enter himself and stepped in front of the mirror to fix your bun. You heard the door closing, before Christian appeared in front of you. He was carrying a small wooden box in his hands.

“What’s that?” Your eyes followed him. 

“Peaches,” he answered shortly before he led himself into your kitchen with you following behind. He placed it down on the kitchen counter. Clapping his hands together, to wipe off the dust. You stepped next to him and took a peak inside. 

“My aunt grows them in her garden. She sent me two boxes of it and told me to share them with my girlfriend,“ he said with emphasis on the last word. “The perks of being Rome’s fake girlfriend,” you said playfully as you took a quick look at the peaches. They looked delicious. Smiling to yourself, you felt a warm and fuzzy feeling, a feeling you weren’t unfamiliar with. Kiseok’s parents had a little farm where they grew their own crops and they would always sent you some. They made you feel welcomed and loved, just like Christian’s family did. The only difference was that their friendliness was based on a lie. You weren’t really deserving of it.

“Let’s go.” Christian saw the subtle change in your facial expression, so he tried to divert your attention to something else. You quickly grabbed a jacket and followed him to the elevator which really took its time. 

“You sure you wanna watch that movie?” He asked you out of the blue. “Why? What’s wrong with it? I heard it was good.” “I read some reviews…” His face turned dark.

“Don’t tell me you’re scared?“ You broke out into rumbling laughter. You didn’t think he would be scared of horror movies. He always gave a reliable and gutsy impression, someone who wasn’t scared of anything. 

“A little bit?“ He chuckled shyly. “I mean…you should have read the reviews!“ “You said you liked horror movies!” “I don’t.” Since none of your friends wanted to watch that movie with you, you had bothered Christian for over a week until he finally gave in.

“Why did you agree then?” “‘Cause I missed you.”

Your body froze for a brief moment as you blinked at him, a sudden warmth shooting through your body. 

“Now you’re just sweet-talking me,“ you chuckled lightly as you rolled your eyes.

“Did it work though?“ He grinned at you playfully. 

“A little bit,“ you winked at him with a smile.

“So we’re not watching that stupid horror movie?“

“Well, I don’t want you to wet your pants at night,“ you took this perfect opportunity to tease, a smirk spreading across your face.

In this moment a high-pitched tone indicated that the elevator had just arrived. The door slid open, revealing a silhouette standing on the other side. You didn’t pay much attention as you were immersed in the conversation with Christian. Without looking, you walked straight into the elevator. Christian quickly pulled you back, stopping you from bumping into the person in front of you. Confused you looked up, your entire body froze and a string of nerves tightened in your ribs upon seeing that familiar face.

“Kiseok…,” you whispered to yourself, still not believing your eyes. 

“Can we talk?” He asked you with caution, his voice sounded soft. 

“I-I…actually have plans right now.” You wanted the words to be firm, strong, but instead your voice was shaking. You glanced at Christian, with your eyes you pleaded him to help you to get out of this sticky situation, but he didn’t seem to get it, or maybe he did, but he just chose to ignore it.

“I’ll give you two some privacy. I’ll wait in the car,” he told you as he walked into the elevator, leaving your side. No, no, no, Christian, don’t leave me, you shook your head slightly, giving him all the signs you could think of to make him stay. But he didn’t. He waited for Kiseok to leave the elevator, before he pushed the button that brought him to the ground floor.

Fuck, you cursed inside of your head. You didn’t know what to feel right now, overwhelmed with contradictory emotions. You were angry with Christian, as he left you alone with Kiseok without a second thought. You didn’t want to talk to Kiseok. Christian out of everyone should have known how much you dreaded seeing him again. Yet he left. You felt betrayed by someone you thought would have your back when you needed him. At the same time you felt hurt and scared of the conversation that was about to come. 

“What do you want, Kiseok? Did Jay send you?“ You quickly regained your composure, not wanting him to see you in a vulnerable state. “No, I decided to come myself.“

“Why? You have more insults you want to rid yourself of?“ You asked him in a mocking tone. “I’m sorry for how I behaved at the party. It was inappropriate,” he said out of the sudden. An apology coming from him was the thing you least expected. “I got jealous when I saw you with him.“ It had been a while since you heard honest words coming out of his mouth. “And you thought picking a fight with me in public would it make it better?“ You snarled back at him with sarcasm. 

“No…I-I didn’t think at all to be honest. I had one too many and I leashed out at you.“ You knew it was a sincere apology, yet you weren’t satisfied. You weren’t sure what you wanted to hear from him, but nothing he said could subdue the anger you felt towards him. It wasn’t only anger either, more than anything you felt hurt and betrayed. “You’re excuses are getting worse.“ “Look, Minhee, it’s not easy for me. We’ve been together for so long.“ “And you think it’s easy for me?“ You looked at him in disbelief as you let out a scoff.

“Well, you’ve found yourself someone else pretty quickly.“ “It was just sex.“ You didn’t even know why you felt the need to set it straight. It was none of his business anyway. It was your life which he wasn’t a part of anymore due to his own doing. “I saw the way you looked at him.“ “And how am I looking at him?“ “The same way you used to look at me.“ You shook your head at him and let out a chuckle in disbelief. “God, you’re so paranoid. I’m not in love with him. I think I’d be the first one to know if I like someone or not.”

“What is he doing here then? I know you, Min. You don’t invite just anyone to your home.” You had no idea how the apology turned into an interrogation and you didn’t feel comfortable with the direction the conversation took.

“I don’t owe you an explanation, Kiseok.” “It’s just unfair that you get to move on with your life while I’m still miserable.“ “You have no right to say that. You walked out on us the moment you fucked her and lied to me.“ “I only lied to you because I didn’t want to hurt you and I didn’t want to lose you.“

“Well, you hurt me and you lost me, so that plan of yours didn’t work out very well, did it?“

“I’ve made a mistake, Minhee. I know that and I know it’s not something I can’t fix with a simple apology. But I’m trying. I’m really trying to fix it, because I can’t throw away the past four years just like that. You mean too much to me. I can’t just let you go like that. I can’t give up like this.”

In the silence that followed, you broke your gaze preferring instead to rest your eyes on the elevator behind him. “Is there nothing I can do to win back your trust?“ “I don’t know,” you answered truthfully. Would you ever be able to trust him again after all the lies he had told? Would you ever be able to believe his words without having any doubts? Was his word even worth anything anymore?

“Will you ever be able to forgive me?“ “I don’t know, Kiseok.“ “Do you still have feelings for me?“

Wow, this was a pretty long chapter! The longest yet I think? Hope it wasn’t too boring to read haha. What do you guys think? Is his mother right? Why did Christian leave so suddenly? What will Minhee's answer be? Are you Team Kiseok or Team Christian? Looking forward to reading your comments! :) And I hope you all are staying healthy! 

Various WWF Wrestlers x Fem Reader- "Crass Commercialism"

By the end of the 1990's, professional wrestling would be at the height of its popularity.

It wasn't too long ago that both the WWF and WCW had low ratings and the WWF nearly almost went out of business.

But by the late 90's, the WWF and WCW had some of the highest rated shows on television, people were wearing wrestling T-shirts, wrestlers were guest starring on talk shows and TV shows, and underage kids would imitate everything from wrestling gestures to wrestling moves at school.

The WWF had some of its most popular stars since Hulk Hogan.

Professional wrestling was seemingly inescapable.

And...you were one of the many pro wrestling related things that was inescapable during the late 90's.

You were the first wrestling related person to ever be on the covers of Cosmopolitan, Maxim, FHM, Stuff, Allure, and Harper's Bazaar magazine, as well as the first wrestling related person to have a photoshoot and article written about you in Vanity Fair and Vogue.

You had also caused massive amounts of controversy during your heyday in the late 90's that would be headline news and discussions about whether if the WWF's ratings should be TV-14 or TV-MA.

Wrestlers have always done commercials for things, and you were one of the many wrestling related people that did several commercials during your heyday in the late 90's and early 2000's.

Because professional wrestling wasn't inescapable enough by the late 90's, at the beginning of 1999, you did a commercial for a body wash based on some of the things you used to do in the men's locker rooms when the cameras weren't rolling.

The commercial starts off with several male wrestlers in a locker room, either sitting down on a bench or putting their clothes in a locker, or taking their clothes out of a locker.

Some of these wrestlers were wearing nothing but towels wrapped around their waists.

You couldn't really tell if the men in this commercial were wrestlers at first, some of these men in this commercial didn't have recognizable faces like Stone Cold, Kane, the Undertaker and Mick Foley.

You, however, were standing behind the door to this locker room, peeping and spying on these wrestlers changing, and you were trying to hide yourself from these wrestlers from seeing you, as well as trying to stifle your giggles and laughter.

You were dressed in a white bathrobe and holding a bottle of body wash, your eyes looking down at that body wash and grinning from ear to ear.

You then proceeded to enter the men's locker room, and as you strolled into the locker room, you shed your bathrobe off of your body, revealing your completely nude body, not a single stitch of clothes on your body.

As you sauntered through the locker room in this commercial, some 20th century love song or a 20th century song centered more around lust than love, played.

You dropped that white bathrobe onto the floor and still held onto that bottle of body wash, and as you strutted through the locker room, the camera only filming you from above your nipples, male wrestlers in the locker room turned their heads and were peering at you.

The camera cut to various wrestlers and their reactions: the Rock raised his iconic People's Eyebrow as he stared at you (of course he'd do that!), Triple H grinned while looking at you and biting his bottom lip, Shawn Michaels' eyes grew wide seeing you naked (like he's never seen you naked before!) while he held a bottle of lotion, squeezing that tilted bottle where lotion poured out, referencing he's jizzing, Christian, Edge and Gangrel took their sunglasses off to look at you, Kane slightly tilted his head and moved his hand to his mask and raised it slightly to get a better look at you naked, only for the camera to cut to Billy Gunn smiling from ear to ear as his hands were motioning to squeeze your ass cheeks while Road Dogg smiled from ear to ear and his hands made crotch chopping gestures.

Many male wrestlers were cat calling and wolf whistling at you, at least those sound effects were made, and while you strolled through this locker room naked to the shower, your eyes were looking at these wrestlers staring at you and your mouth grinned from ear to ear.

The camera was cutting to male wrestlers looking at you, some of their eyes were big, others were rubbing their hands together excitedly and grinning from ear to ear.

Some wrestlers were pulling shower curtains and looking at you with a state of shock.

Val Venis walked past you looking like he stepped out of the shower, his body was glistening wet and he had a towel wrapped around his waist, looking like he typically looks when he enters the ring on Monday nights.

Val looked at you and smiled while he walked past you, he greeted "hellooooooooo" at you and his hand patting your ass afterwards, only for your other hand to grab onto his towel and pull it off.

Val had a state of shock on his face when you did that, his eyes growing wide and his mouth agape while he looked at you, the camera filming him from the neck up, only for the camera to cut to you grinning cheekily from ear to ear at him.

Jeff Hardy had heard the cat calls while showering, the camera filming him from the neck up, which made him turn his head and see you walking towards him, he smiled and grinned at you.

When you had entered the shower, you asked loudly "Who wants to take a shower?" while smiling from ear to ear, holding up that bottle of body wash and drumming the bottle with the tips of your nails and fingers.

Your arm holding up that bottle of body wash was covering and shielding your breast from being filmed on camera, and the camera was filming you from the waist up.

In this commercial, you were trying not to show your private parts like your breasts, ass and vagina.

There were some other wrestlers in that shower you had entered that were busy washing their hair.

Many wrestlers were walking up to you, including Billy Gunn, who was smiling from ear to ear and rubbing his hands back and forth, Triple H, Christian, Shawn Michaels, Val Venis, many of these male wrestlers were undressing their clothes off, including the ones you've mentioned but you said "no" to the ones you weren't attracted to, to which the male wrestlers that were rejected pouted and walked away.

However, you let Triple H, Christian, Billy, Shawn and Val enter the shower.

Some wrestlers in the shower like Jeff Hardy, Test and Steven Regal walked up to you.

Triple H offered to turn the water on for you, he smiled while he offered this, to which you accepted his offer, and he had his hand on one of the knobs (not his penis...or any other wrestler's dick, for that matter) and turned it, to where water began to pour out of the shower head and down to the top of your head.

Water wasn't just rinsing and soaking you, but some of these wrestlers circling around you, who were all undressed now, or at least shirtless and wearing a Speedo to make it look like they're naked.

The camera then cut to what this commercial was advertising: a new gender neutral body wash for both men and women to use in the shower, maybe even together.

This commercial demonstrated and filmed your hands caressing up and down Triple H's huge, muscular arms, lathering his arms and torso up with that wash, while his hands were caressing up and down your torso as well as your tits, lathering your body.

He wasn't the only one helping wash you, Val, Christian, Shawn, Billy, Jeff Hardy, Test and Steven Regal lent their hands out and caressed you in that body wash, foaming and lathering your body up.

Val and Billy were behind you, Billy lathering and squeezing your ass ('cuz his nickname is Mr. Ass, getit?), whereas Val's hands were taking turns caressing and soaping up your breasts, the foam from that body wash covering and censoring your breasts.

Val's as well as Triple H's hands were trying to cover your nipples from being exposed on television.

These aforementioned wrestler's were lathering your body from your arms to your ankles, slathering that body wash until it turned to foam on your legs.

This commercial demonstrated how this unisex body wash doesn't smell too masculine or feminine, it's just right for both genders, so now when you're in the shower with someone, you don't have to worry about females smelling too manly, or men smelling too effeminate.

Don't you hate it when you're in the shower with a guy and he's caressing your body with body wash, but it's feminine body wash, and he gets that feminine body wash on himself, or vice versa, you get man's body wash from your man washing masculine body wash on you.

You even mentioned that in this commercial, smiling while you mentioned it, and these wrestlers caressing your body in that foam smiled when they heard you reveal that.

The commercial then cut to that gender neutral body wash bottle just sitting by itself and had a little tagline to it at the end.

At the end of the commercial, the camera cut to Jerry Lawler entering the locker room, asking "Hey, what I'd miss?" in a shrill, high little chirp, his typical voice.

This commercial was inspired by what you did backstage when the cameras weren't rolling; how you'd walk into and enter the men's locker room naked just to get the attention of male wrestlers you thought were sexy.

hyung line taking turns and have their way with you. 

woojin would leave love bites over your chest and complimenting you. “god, you’re made for this dick”. 

chan uses whatever that is nearby (like his belt) and tie your hands behind your back as he fucks you from behind and pressing you down on any surface with his muscular arms. 

minho has a christian grey (from fifty shades of grey)’s playroom and better call him master or get punished. he only takes verbal consent.

changbin bends you over a counter and places his hand on your hips to hold you in place while pounding you in brutal pace

Dubhlainn ‘Lane/Laney’ McKinney *Minor character.

Voice Claim:(Brendan Gleeson) https://youtu.be/MSV9xFqcEh8?t=17s (Right click on links and open in new tab)

Partner(s): Sorcha McKinney (Pictured here)   Parents: Niamh McKinney (mom born Niamh, no surname) Conlaoch Belphegor Oisin McKinney (dad) Kids: Cathal McKinney Age: Ancient. Height: 187cm Body type: Muscular, but not too buff. Slim waist. Eye color: Dark Green. Classification: (Immortal) Demon Known powers: Possession, Invisibility, Teleportation (The ability to move instantaneously from one location to another without physically occupying the space in between) Darkside View (The power to force target to see the evil side of their own soul.) Telekinesis ( The power to manipulate objects/matter with their mind.) Corruption Inducement (The power to erode a person’s morality to the point of being evil.)  Belief Inducement (The power to make someone believe in anything) Rot Inducement (The power to cause anything organic to decay and rot) Object Animation (The ability to bring any sort of object to life, such as statues, game stations, rugs, bottles, etc.) Reanimation (The ability to reanimate dead beings, possibly restoring their consciousness.) Intangibility (The ability to pass through physical matter.) Shapeshifting (The power to transform and reshape the form of one’s body.) Illusion Manipulation (The power to manipulate illusions) Animal Manipulation (The power to influence/control animal behavior)

About: Outspoken, Stubborn, Resourceful, Challenging, Adventurous, Determined, Stiff, Authoritarian, Strong, Serious, Principled, Intuitive, Elegant, Confident,  Suspicious, Strong-willed, Pretentious, Asocial, Complex and can be a bit hot-tempered. ~ Sexuality Omnisexual (Attracted equally to all human beings (men, women, transexuals, etc.) … A person who can be sexually attracted to anyone and anything, from men/women/everything in … and also non-human animals and inanimate objects) ~ Is a very high regarded form of demonic Knight.Or a Knight of hell, so to speak. ~ Always wears a special pointy ring on his finger to show he’s one of the first generations of McKinney males. Only he, his brother and their father has one. ~ Is also an assassin of hell. ~ Irish ~ His name means ‘black sword’ ~ Talks with a thick accent. ~ Smells of Pachouli and Sage. ~ Into dark arts and are quite skilled. ~ Dislikes that his wife sleeps around with other men, but at the same time he isn’t faithful either, on his travels. ~ Has silky soft hair. ~ Can play harp very well. ~ Is very into blond virgins. Don’t care if they are male or female. ~ Is a master with a sword. ~ Hates honey. ~ Is rather grumpy. ~ Is actually not an asshole although he may come off as one. ~ Loves his parents, brother, nephews and son, but isn’t very close to the rest of the family. Cats, mead, milk, Ireland, the McKinney castle and the grounds it stands on. Traveling, hell, rain, sex and potatoes. ~ Loner. ~ 10/10 would rather cut his dick off than his beard. ~ Style: Flamboyant pirate???? ~ Hates when people tell him stories or comes to him with their problems.

One gif to describe him:

Sorcha Aoibhell McKinney *Minor character.

Voice Claim:(Amy-Joyce Hastings) https://youtu.be/eeJkGJxb9DA?t=4s (Right click on links and open in new tab)

Partner(s): Dubhlainn ‘Lane/Laney’ McKinney (pictured here) Parents: Fionnoula Mag Aoidh (Mom)  Galagars ó Dufaigh (dad) Kids: Cathal McKinney Age: At least 4000+ years. Height: 157cm Body type: Slim, big boobs. Eye color: Light green/blue-ish Classification: (Immortal) Demon Known powers: Possession, Telekinesis (The power to manipulate objects/matter with their mind.) Levitation (The ability to cause oneself/subjects/objects to hover in the air.) Psionic Speed (The power to enhance one’s speed with mental strength.) Reanimation (Power to reanimate corpses and dead beings.) Sensory Scrying (The power to perceive through other beings’ senses) Fear Inducement (The power to evoke extreme fear and horror in others) Emotion Manipulation (The power to manipulate all emotions) Nerve Manipulation (The ability to manipulate the nerves and nervous system of oneself or others.)

About: Irritable, Difficult,  Amoral, Aggressive, Seductive, Sensual, Stubborn, Passionate, Unstable, Tense, Selfish, Provocative, Neurotic, Morbid, Vain, Competitive, Outspoken,  Proud,  Argumentative and Emotional. ~ Sexuality Straight. ~ Irish ~ Into dark arts/magic, and is very good at it. ~ Wears a Christian gold cross, but it’s a mockery. She isn’t religious at all. ~ Hates most people. ~ Has a hard time accepting no for an answer when it comes to sex. ~ Goes after what she wants. ~ Suffers from strong mood-swings. ~ Is a bitch. ~ Can’t cook. ~ Pretty much only speaks Irish or Gaelic. Will for the most refuse to speak English, and mostly only does it for her own gain. ~ Smells of wild roses. ~ Hates kids. Even kinda hates her own son. ~ Loves to look at herself in the mirror for hours while brushing her hair. ~ Hates her parents in-law, and they aren’t too fond of her either. ~ Style: Medieval

One gif to describe her:

Taron and Me

CHAPTER 6  Missed Him

You've been dating Taron for almost a year now, and the passion has remained the same. Maybe because he's been travelling around the world to promote Rocketman, so there has been quite a few lonely nights. You both make up for it by facetiming and having phone sex. Taron loves to watch you dress up in lingerie and strip it off slowly as he masturbates and cums up his stomach with total satisfaction. Or the other nights where he talks dirty to you as you fuck yourself with the vibrator he bought you and he watches you cum.

"I'll be home in 2 days baby" so you can't touch yourself until then. "But everytime I think of you, it's hard to control myself" you pout like a small infant. He laughs, "baby girl your so cute, hold out for me I promise I'll make it worth the wait" Ok you say and end the call before you get too aroused again. It's only 2 days, you think to yourself as you leave the apartment the next morning to attend interviews for the movie, that you just finished was released,  and a little more successful than you thought.

Taron calls you in the evening, "I'm so proud of you sweetheart" Taron says as he's just finished watching it from his hotel room. "I hate that you have kissing scenes with Jamie Dornan though" he sighs. You laugh at his response and reassure him, it was only acting.

It's part of the job Taron, you know that. "Yeah but he's Mr Christian Grey" and those eyes would melt any girls heart. "Well, not mine, I fell for my best friend a year ago, and still feel the same for him as I did back then". The tone in his voice changes, and you wonder if he's starting to cry. He sniffles, and tells you one more day and I'll be home with you.  And you realise he is indeed starting to cry. "Oh baby,  don't cry, I miss you so much" "I'm ok he says, I just hate being away from you for so long".

I've been without him for 2 months, which feels like a lifetime, but you've been so busy, you really haven't had time to think about it. You end the call, telling him one more day. You tell him you love him, before he returns the I love you, and you hang up.

It's your day off, so you decide to stay in bed a little longer than usual, checking social media etc. You drift back off to sleep, when all of a sudden you feel fingers inside your panties. You are clearly dreaming, as Taron isn't due to be home till late in the afternoon. You're loving this dream and you start to moan quietly as you feel yourself getting wetter. You refuse to open your eyes, not wanting the dream to end, but at the same time, it feels so real. You do open your eyes eventually, realising it is in fact not a dream, and Taron came home early, and is now between your legs. You grab a fistful of hair as you breath out "what the hell are you doing home so early"? "I missed you too much, so took an earlier flight". You smile as he returns to the task at hand.

You feel his warm tongue between your legs and a sharp intake of breath takes over, as you respond by thrusting your hips in his face. He moans against you, and you feel like you are about to explode, the sensation running through your body. He sits up and grabs your ass with both hands and you lean back on your elbows as he lifts your pussy up off the bed to his mouth. He sucks and licks all of you and you can feel yourself losing control. He stops suddenly, and orders you to turn over and get on your knees, with that low gravely sexy voice he has.

You do as he says, as he sits back and admires the view you are showing him. He removes his boxers and his cock springs free. He grabs your hips as he bites his bottom lip,  and you know this is exactly what you have been craving for 2 months. He grabs a hold of his cock and rubs it through your folds.  You moan in anticipation, and he decides to tease you a little, by just rubbing your pussy, not putting it in. "Oh god Taron, don't you think I've waited long enough" you moan, now completely dripping.

He chuckles, and enters you hard and fast. He pounds into you with everything he's got, and you feel a new sensation as he licks his finger and slips it into your tightest hole. You tense at the feeling, but slowly relax as he whispers in your ear,  "Is this what you want baby". He's starting to finger your ass and the feeling is incredible.  "Does it feel good baby?" he whispers. He can feel you clenching around his finger so he pulls out and flips you over. He shoves 2 fingers in your pussy and curls his fingers as he's pumping them into you fast and vigorously.

As you lift your head, moaning like never before,  you feel a gush between your legs and realise, you've actually squirted. You feel quite embarrassed as you squeeze your thighs together, never having done that before. Taron smiles as he slides down your body, to lap up everything that he's done to you. You place your head back on the pillow as you enjoy the feeling of complete bliss. He lifts his head, looking at you with lust filled eyes as you pull him to your lips and taste yourself on his mouth.

You rub your thumb over his precious scar he has on his left eyebrow, and he kisses your lips and gently bites your bottom lip. You flip him onto his back and make your way down his muscular body, kissing and licking everything you can. You grab his cock, and take him further down your throat than ever before. He let's out an animalistic moan as he grabs your head and starts fucking your mouth.  You suck his cock as hard and fast as you can, and occasionally swirl your tongue around the slit of his dick. He's moaning, as he grips your hair tighter as you wait for him to cum as his dick twitches in your mouth. You suck him hard, and feel every inch of him as he cums so far down your throat, you don't get a chance to taste it. You crawl back up to his side, completely exhausted and he snuggles himself into you. "I missed you so much babe" you say as you kiss his chest. "Missed you too sweetheart", he kisses your forehead, you both relax and eventually fall asleep.

rosé night (m) - Monster Woo

The hair tied tightly into a braid, your books were pressed against your breasts. At 8 o'clock in the morning you leave the house. At 4 o'clock in the afternoon you were back. Your clothes were perfectly ironed. Your outfit was always selected as if you could go straight to church. You look perfect, cute and people around also called you boring. And maybe you were. You live on a schedule, you take care of good grades and you go to church every Sunday with your parents. Your life was okay, but sometimes a little lonely, because your shyness slowed you down. While everyone in your environment has been in relationship and having sex, you still dwell among there as a virgin. A few boys made fun of it and called you Virgin Mary. But you didn’t care, because you don’t allow such childish remarks. And yes, the boys were right. You were a virgin, but that didn’t mean that you had no dirty thoughts. Especially one person lets you push your Christian thoughts aside. Your Korean neighbor was the only person who kept you away from learning. People called him Monster Woo. Your parents didn’t like him. They act friendly, but behind closed doors they despised him. They saw the devil in him. Especially because of the tattoo on his hands that wrote brightly “HELL”. Your parents said that he wanted to provoke the devil with it and they doesn’t want to have such a person near her daughter. But what they didn’t know was that you try to be near to him as often as possible. From your window, you could look directly at the place where Woo was always cleaning his bike. And he did this mostly upper body free. You always try to give him a nice smile and he always smiles back. He wishes you a good day. But that was it. You never talked more.

And then your parents were away on a weekend to help the church with some activity. You stayed home because you had to learn, besides, you didn’t wanted to go with them anyway. Everything was different this Saturday. You sit behind your books and try to learn. But you couldn’t concentrate. Every day you look at the same pages and slowly it seemed like you could hardly learn anything more. Your gaze wandered to the house next door. Woo was not there. No light was on. Disappointed, you put aside your books. You walk into the kitchen and looked in the fridge. Your parents have worried enough for you, you could come through with all the food for several weeks. When you close the fridge, the bell rings suddenly. You startle from the silence, but you went to the door. Through the window, you could see that Woo was standing in front of the door. Your heart started racing and you wonder what he wanted here. You open carefully the door and look up at him. His hair was wet and he looked so much more powerful so close to you. "Hey, I locked myself out, my brother can be here in three hours, is it okay if I'm waiting on your veranda so I'm not getting too wet?" His voice was so deep and masculine that your knees became soft. You open the door a little more and smile. "You can wait in here." But Woo looked around and shook his head. "I think it's better I'm waiting here." "My parents are not there." Even though your parents tried to be kind to protect their Christian manners, Woo knew they hated him. Their gaze said sometimes more than their words. Woo smiled and entered the house. He took a few steps around and inspected the furniture. "It is how I imagined." He turns to you and smiles. "What do you mean?" "It's all white and perfectly cleaned." He went to a small side table and stroked it. No grain of dust showed up. "The perfect family in the perfect house." Woo turned to you and looked deep into your eyes. You didn’t know how to record it. But it was probably not a compliment from his mouth. "We are not perfect." You were a little angry, but try to ignore it. It was quiet between you two for a while when Woo suddenly smiled broadly. "Show me your room!" He said and you look up in surprise. You don’t say a word and nod before you go up the stairs. Without saying anything he follows you and when you were in the room he looked out from your window. "You often watch me or?" His eyes were still on the place where he always cleaned his motorcycle. Your face blushed with shame and you could not say anything. You were incredibly embarrassed. You didn’t know that he saw you, and in your study break your gaze seemed to linger too long on his muscular body. His gaze turned to you, but he was not smiling anymore. His eyes were different, not angry, but completely different. "Do you sometimes think of me here?" He sat down on your pink bed. You knew exactly what he meant, but you were still so incredibly embarrassed. Slowly he smiled again. "Come here." His voice was still low, but gentle. You take small steps to him until you are close to him. His hands touched your knees. "Is that okay?" He asked and you nod. Your heart was racing and you were nervous about the next steps. He stroke his palms up over your thigh until his fingertips touch the ruffles on your panties. His gaze was fixed on your middle, but slowly he looked up. “Is it your first time?” You're just nodding shyly and being embarrassed about it. Your body didn’t move, but inside you everything was hot. Woo pulls you down and threw you on the bed. He strokes your cheek and kisses you while he puts his other hand over your panties. "Do you know what you like? Do you sometimes touch yourself?" His pressure got a bit stronger and you nod again. "Do you sometimes think of me?" He pushed your panties aside. You breathe loudly as he strokes between your folds. "Tell me, do you think of me when you touch yourself?" He stroked your clit and rubbed it a bit. "Yes, I'm thinking of you." These were the first words you could pronounce. The pressure of his fingers became firmer on your clit. You moan softly. And your parents were right. His hands were devilish. They triggered something in you that you had never felt before. You gasp and could hardly control your desire. "Do you like what I do?" He asked, playing faster with your clit. "Yes", you breathe and cling to the sheets. "Did someone else touched you there?" It seems he liked the idea that you are the innocence in person. The questions he asked were so intimate and you were so embarrassed about it. "Yes," you say quietly and your voice dropped. He bent over you and gave you a gentle long kiss. "You don’t need to be embarrassed, I like it." You were right about your thought. He likes the innocent. Maybe he needed the balance to his self. His fingers moved down a little and pushed against your entrance. "Do you want it?" It would be the first and last time he asked that. But you were sure. He was it. You wouldn’t want to sleep with anyone else for the first time. "Yes I want it." You gave him a quick kiss and he gently penetrated you with his fingers. His thumb was still on your clit. You feel like he stretched you. Bit by bit. It was a bit uncomfortable, but the pressure on the clit gave you a feeling of pure lust. And with the other movements you became more and more impatient. You didn’t want to wait anymore. You wanted to feel it. It drove you crazy. Your pelvis began to twitch and you feel your breath rise. You wanted more. That's how you could touch yourself. But you wanted to feel his cock, touch it, have it in you. "Please, I can’t take it anymore, fuck me." There was despair in your voice. "I just want to stretch you a little bit." He chuckles and pulls his fingers out of you. "Is-is he big?" Your question seemed as uncertain as you felt. Slowly, you got nervous and got scared. Would it hurt a lot? Would he be careful? Woo laughed a little. "Well, how about if you look yourself?" He leans into the cushion and lets you have complete access to his pants. You freeze for a few seconds. You were not sure. You have never seen a dick live. "Are you nervous?", He asks suddenly and this situation seemed from one moment to the other very loving and familiar. He took your hand and gave you another kiss. "Come on, I'll show you everything." He winked and opened his pants. He undressed it and threw them to the floor. Then he took your hand and put it on the bump of his pants. You feel it over the fabric and it feels strange. You paint over it a little and look for saturation in Woo's eyes. "It's good." He smiled gently and leaned back slightly. So you stroke a little bit more about him and you feel like he continued to grow under the fabric. Slowly you became curious. You could feel that he was thique and he was big. But you could only guess it. Slowly, your fingers wandered over his waistband and you pull the fabric down. Woo helped you and took off his underpants, as well as his shirt. And here he was in front of you. Completely naked. As you have always dreamed. But you never thought that it became reality. Never in your life did you expect it to be him who would take your virginity. His dick was already stiff, but he wanted that you stroke him a little bit longer. Carefully, you take it in your hand and do the same movements you made earlier. "Wrap it in your hand." He gave you instructions and you feel a little helpless anyway. So you take it in your hand and lead the movement up and down. And now it was Woo who moaned now. "Tighter." He ordered further. You try to strengthen the grip and continue to rub at its best part. Your movement became firmer and faster. Woo continues groaning and dropping completely when he suddenly jumped up and nearly tore your dress off your body. "Fuck, I can’t stand this any longer." He threw you to the bed and massaged and kissed your breasts. He also tried to get rid of your bra. It had suddenly become much wilder. He increased the pace, because he was now in high spirits of lust. His length pressed against your thigh and you feel how hot it got down with you. And then his hand went down further and he took the last piece off your body. He stroked back between your folds and you were more than ready for him. But then he leaned down to his pants and pulled out something. He was seriously having a condom with him and you are beginning to doubt that he had shut himself out. But at that moment, that did not interest you. All you wanted was he inside you. He put on the condom that took barely a second and then he leaned over you again. "It's going to hurt a bit, sweetheart." You expected that anyway. You had heard the countless stories of the girls who have their first time long behind. "I know, I just have to get it over with." "Tell me, if it hurts too much." He looks deep into your eyes and you nod in agreement. Then he placed the tip of his tail in front of your entrance and pressed against it. You try to be as relaxed as possible, but it's hard for you. And with slow pressure, he keeps penetrating you. On the one hand you feel how unstretched you were down under. There has never been anything so broad and hard inside you. On the other hand, the stabbing pain came to the fore. You became calm and tried to concentrate. But everything cramped in you. But slowly the pain has gotten worse and you are slightly teasing your face. "Are you okay?" He asked. "Yes, just keep going." You try to smile. As good as possible and Woo slowly moved on. But the pain continued. He noticed this and hugged you. "I have you sweetheart, it's over soon." You cling to his chest and get it through. With him. And then it got better. The stinging pain was over, the cramps broke and you could relax more. And slowly you feel how a pleasant warmth spreads in you. A tingling sensation rose in you. You knew that you wouldn’t experience orgasm the first time, but you didn’t thought it would feel so good. As you relax more and more and your moans get louder and louder, Woo also picked up his pace. He got faster but was not rough. You feel exactly how his cock moved in you and that excited you even more. "Fuck babe, you're so damn tight." He was breathing hard and staring deep into your eyes. His moans were also louder and you feel like he was greedy for you. Woo knew exactly what he was doing. He was sure of every step. In this area he showed no shyness and proved his skills. His movements were as light as if he were dancing. And every single step felt good. You were glad that someone so experienced took your virginity. "Fuck sweetie, no one was so tight I fucked before." He closed his eyes for a moment and bit his lower lip. "Argh .." He tried to hold his orgasm for a few seconds back. But when you lean back and give yourself completely to him, he couldn’t stand any longer. He pulled his cock out of you, peeled off the condom and it was not long, as his orgasm spread over your entire stomach. "Yes, Fuck!" He groaned as he jerked himself off. The white substance was warm over your stomach. In front of you sat Woo sweaty and out of breath. It was quiet between you, but then he took a few tissues from your bedside table and cleaned you. " Look how much you made me cum.” He smiled and when he was done, he lay down next to you. "Was it okay for you?" You nod, it was more than okay. Slowly you understand what made all the people of your age crazy all the time. You also wanted more, but you still had a little pain. "It was better than I thought," you confessed and Woo had to start laughing. "It gets better with time, I promise you, just wait until you experience your first orgasm." He winked and smiled widely. You also smile and wish you could have this experience with him as well. But you were not sure if Woo wanted to repeat it all. "How long are your parents gone?" He suddenly asked. You sit up and look at him: "Till tomorrow night." Then Woo laughed and stroked gently over your folds again. "Then we have a little more time."

Crush - HidaDei Gift

This is for Sophie or @squipwich for the @akatsuki-gift-exchange !! I really hope you like it! It’s the longest thing I’ve ever written for fun and I had a great time writing it 💖 Happy Holidays Sophie~

This’ll also be on Ao3 (username: Cosmica) just in case Tumblr decides it’s too impure for its good Christian neighbourhood ❤️

Pairing: HidaDei

Words: 2,072

Written in Deidara’s POV as I saw he was listed as your first fave 💥

Contrary to popular belief, Hidan does not sleep naked.

Which is what Deidara discovered when he was sent on his first mission with the devout jashinist. Sasori having had been killed a few months prior by a certain pink haired kunoichi and Kakuzu being occupied with his budgeting for the Month. The two had been sent off on their journey to find and eliminate a mole of Akatsuki that had turned snitch.

Deidara wasn’t so sure why his brain thought this information was so crucial to remember. Maybe he was just going insane with the constant berating Hidan did when his original partner was brought up in conversation, or how many times he had to hear about god damn Jashin and how utterly amazing Hidan’s stupid religion was.

God, he needed a drink.

“How far along is the next village, hmm?”

“I don’t fucking know you have the damn map, don’t you?”

Oh, right .

Checking the map as he pulled it out from his cloak, he noticed the weren’t that far from the land of Lightning’s border, noting a small village residing right between the countries. Perfect.

“It’s getting dark, so next village can we get a room at an Inn? We need to report to Leader-sama of this guys whereabouts, hmm” He proposed to his traveling partner, looking over the map with his visible eye, looking at Hidan’s back. The older man turned, walking backwards as he contemplated his reply, fingers holding his chin.

“Why don’t we just camp out instead of risking our asses getting caught by lightning country shinobi? I’d love to sacrifice a few of those fucks to Jashin but right now I could go for a fucking nap” Hidan further emphasised his point by yawning loudly and stretching, making Deidara sigh, he hated camping, he’d be picking bugs and whatever else out of his hair for days. Deidara shrugged, putting the map away as Hidan rolled his magenta eyes and turned back around, fingers sinking into his silver hair as he ran his hand through it to flatten it back to his original style, grumbling about the wind. This was when he started noticing little things about the man traveling with him. How the ends of his slicked back hair curled up slightly as he ran his hand over them, the gel must of come off and the scars on his hand from he was assuming the aftermath of one of his stupid rituals, making them look rough and intimidating- Deidara paused for a moment.

Why the hell was he..admiring Hidan?

The blond frowned, he had never admired anyone from the Akatsuki before. Not that there really was anyone to admire, Itachi was a bastard and Deidara would rather loose is arm to Zetsu than touch Itachi with a ten foot pole. Kisame, body wise, wasn’t that bad looking but his blue skin and shark like eyes threw Deidara off. Kakuzu was just..Old and very greedy, and Deidara thought back to when he’d been told about what he’d done to his..previous partners. Sasori was dead. The remaining Akatsuki, Deidara thought, were just too damn weird. Deidara knew he had never really been into women like most men are, but he’s never been with a man either.

Deidara’s thoughts were interrupted by a loud yelling.

“What the fuck has gotten into you? Oi blondie! why have you stopped fucking walking? Let’s go!” He heard his partner say, suddenly breaking away from his thoughts of sexuality, seeing the man in question. Waving his hand in front of his face, eyes narrowed and mouth set in a frown. Deidara slapped his hand away gently and averted his eyes from looking into the others, filled with frustration.

“I was just thinking about the mission, hmm” He replied, arms crossed as to emphasise his point. From the corner of his eye, he sees Hidan smirk, Deidara knew he should not have found that, or anything attractive, about the man in front of him.

“Then do you want to explain to me why the fuck your face is red eh?” Hidan teased, finger poking at Deidara’s cheek, making the blond scowl, brow furrowing at the action. He slapped his hand away harder this time and resumed walking, hiding his red face behind his long fringe. Hearing the footfall of the other behind him catching up, Deidara shoved his hand into his clay pouch, trying to occupy himself with making one of his masterful creations. Instead of looking at the man who was getting him so worked up. He saw from the corner of his eye as Hidan came into step beside him, the immortals mocking gaze still on him. Deidara thinks he could see why Kakuzu wanted to strangle his partner so much. ________________________________________________________________________________

Deidara had come to the conclusion that maybe camping wouldn’t have been such a bad idea, he could have gone for a walk.

After his embarrassing encounter on their walk to the small village they currently reside in, Hidan did nothing but stare at him with a shit eating grin, occasionally making crude remarks about how the younger man had been flustered and how fucking hilarious it was. Not long after that Deidara had sent the immortal flying into a tree with one of his creations.

No regrets, the blond smirked to himself.

They had entered the inn and demanded a room, the sultry woman behind the desk gave Hidan the key and gave him a wink. Deidara noticed how she pushed her bosom forward, trying to seduce the man beside him. He watched as Hidan waved his hand as thanks before walking away from the desk, Deidara quickly followed suit.

As they got to their room for the night, Deidara noticed there was only one bed, which wasn’t unusual for shady inns like the one they were currently in and being in the Akatsuki, you usually shared a bed during missions like this, but Deidara had never shared a bed with his former partner as.. Well.

Sasori didn’t really need to sleep.

He watched as Hidan placed his scythe against the one desk and unzipped his cloak, throwing it into the chair next to his scythe. Deidara took his own cloak off, neatly putting it on the small hanger next to the entrance, leaving him in his cropped shirt and Akatsuki issued pants. Putting his bags of clay aside, he stretched, the satisfyingly pop coming from his back. Just as he let his hands fall to his side, Hidan had fallen onto the bed, a loud sigh coming from him as Hidan pulled himself up to rest his head on the pillow. Deidara went through his options, he could sleep in the bed with the older man, or he could take the couch which looked like it would likely collapse under his own weight. Deidara quickly made his choice and walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge. Before he could take a moment to relax he felt a weight suddenly come onto his back, pale scarred arm coming into view from behind and locking around his neck.

Deidara screeched as he felt knuckles rubbing roughly against his scalp, struggling in the hold of the man behind him.

“Hidan! You bastard, let me go, hmm!” The younger man cried out, hearing the Jashinist behind him cackle as he let go. Deidara’s head snapped to look at Hidan and his shit eating grin.

“That’s what you fucking get for fucking blowing me into a tree you fuck” he mocked, grin twisting into a smirk which made Deidara’s heart skip a beat. Deidara sneered and got up, hands already fixing what mess Hidan had made of his hair. Oh, He was going to pay for that.

“I’m going to get food, I’m fucking starving” his roommate declared as he arose from the bed. Deidara grumbled a reply and let his hair down from its high ponytail.

“Get me something too- wait, do you even have any money, Hidan, hmm?” Enquired Deidara, pushing his long hair behind his shoulder, he saw Hidan reach into the pocket of his cloak, pulling out a small coin purse, shoving it into the pocket of his pants before grabbing his scythe.

“Eat a dick, just because Kakuzu fucking hoards his own money doesn’t mean I don’t have my own, you think that fuckface buys me food?” Hidan retorted, strapping his scythe to his back, the strap resting across his lean, muscular torso. Deidara could appreciate the sight for just a moment before he realised he needed to reply to the man across from him. Deidara shrugged as he watched Hidan walk to the door, slipping his shoes on.

“I’ll get us some shitty ramen or whatever, I’ll be back soon” He yelled over his shoulder before exiting, leaving Deidara alone in the shady room. Deidara sighed and ran his hands down his face, letting out a long groan as he sat down on the bed, letting himself fall back, looking up at the cracked ceiling. He supposed Hidan wasn’t the worst person you could have a crush on out of all of the current members of Akatsuki.

__________________________________________________________________________________

When Hidan returned that night, Deidara almost puked when he turned covered in blood and his stomach slashed open, and his right arm holding his left arm which was carrying their dinner. Lovely.

Hidan’s stomach seemed to heal itself which was a relief to Deidara, but he was then tasked with stitching Hidan’s arm to his shoulder. After they ate their really shitty ramen, Deidara sat Hidan down on the bed and sat cross legged next to him, needle and thread in hand as he tried stitching the arm back on. Deidara was horrible at stitching, both clothes and body parts alike.

“Deidara, what the fuck are you doing? Fuck, you’re so slow” The man beside him groaned, head back, exposing his muscular neck as he swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing. Which was something Deidara appreciated, he had stitched the arm together on the outside half but yet still needed to stitch just above his armpit. Deidara lifted the arm up so he could stitch the inside of his arm together , eyes drifting back to admire the other man once again. How his sharp jaw led down to a strong neck and broad shoulders, chest covered in numerous scars from self harming during his rituals along with his signature Jashinist rosary, lean torso leading down to his silver happy trail and v-line-

“Like what you see eh?” He heard the man he was blatantly admiring tease, Deidara’s eyes snapped up to see Hidan’s face not only looking directly at him but he had gotten much closer. Deidara shouted in surprise and fell back, falling onto the floor, and as he’d been stitching his arm back on, Hidan fell with him. Hidan’s one intact arm was holding him up while his haphazardly stitched arm was limp in Deidara’s hand, legs spread wide as Hidan’s hips rest against his.

Deidara’s mind went blank, all he could focus on was the feeling of Hidan’s breath fanning on his face and how close he was. The weight of Hidan’s hips against his own, the feeling was addicting- that was until Hidan’s damned rosary poked him in the eye, pulling him from his fantasy and into real life once more. Deidara sat up and lent back on his one free arm, his face directly facing Hidan’s much more perplexed looking one, for once he wasn’t arrogant but more curious if anything. Deidara was about to make a sarcastic remark about if Kakuzu was usually in his role until he felt a pair of rough lips on his own. Deidara’s azure eyes widened, the grip on Hidan’s limp arm tightened as he watched Hidan’s eyes sink, barely open look into his own. Deidara took a leaf of faith and kissed the immortal back, dropping the useless arm to wrap a hand around the back of the other’s neck. The two losing themselves into the tender kiss.

As Deidara felt Hidan part for air shortly later he couldn’t help but notice the light pink settling on his cheeks, watching Hidan lick his lips and run his fingers through his slicked back silver hair, the blond couldn’t help but think that Sasori dying was the best thing that ever happened to him in the 19 years he had been alive.

☒ FACTS ABOUT W E S

FULL NAME: Wesley Ronald Knox

NICKNAMES: Wes, Weslington, Weasel, Wessy

BIRTHPLACE: Brighton and Hove, East Sussex

BIRTH DATE: 28th of December 2001

CURRENT AGE: 16

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Homosexual

EYE COLOR: Blue

HAIR COLOR: Blonde

BODY MODIFICATIONS: Piercing on the left bottom lip

HEIGHT: 6 ft 2 (190 cm)

WEIGHT: 179 pounds (81 kg)

RELIGION: Christian-Catholic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single

✔ L I K E S

Junk food, rock/indie/alternative music, poems, Charles Dickens’ books, Netflix, getting lost on the wrong side of Youtube, Brandon Urie’s voice, karaoke bars, midnight talks with Kyle, Edgar Allen Poe, going for late walks with Hamlet, gay bars/clubs, Maya Angelou, playing the guitar and chewing gum.

✘ D I S L I K E S

Bad grammar, homophobes, when his mum doesn’t have time for him, ignorance, pineable on pizza, any kind of sport, Mr. Creevey, shopping with Ronnie, maths, people interrupting him and people talking shit about people he cares about.

▲ T R A I T S

☼ GOOD: Reliable, charismatic, loyal, communicative and generous.

☢ BAD: Lazy, forgetful, dreamy, persistent, chaotic, stubborn, unstable and insecure.

☒ B A C K S T O R Y

- Wes’ mother works as a nurse and works basically ALL the time, that’s why she sent Wes to Clifton, she hated leaving him alone for days in a row. His mother is the most loving, generous and kind-hearted person you’ll ever meet. Wes admires her a lot for the things she does on a daily, working her ass off to help others. Although he doesn’t get to see her often, his mother is his rock. He can’t remember the last time he’s seen her without dark bags under her eyes, messy hair and scrub but she seems to be happy, so he is happy for her. His mum got him at a young age, so she’s a young mum and definitely proud of her “sunshine”. Her choice of men hasn’t been so lucky in the past; men coming and going and Wes always there to pick up the pieces. 

- Wes grew up without a father. His dad left him and his mother for another family when Wes was only a two years old. He doesn’t have any memories of him other than the birthday and Christmas cards he’s sending every year. Wes hates his father, every mention of him but easily sees a dad figure in every male adult or person of authority like teachers or doctors. A therapist would call it “daddy issues”.

- Wes also does have three paternal half sisters but he’s never seen or talked to any of them; just knows about the mere existence. He’s never been curious to find out more about them and since ignoring his father’s cards worked so far, he wants to keep it that way.

- Wes found his love for poetry and pretty words at a pretty early age. His kindergartener always read poems before afternoon nap and little Wes was so fascinated by the words being used, he begged his mum to get him all kind of kids editions of famous poem collections. She never understood it, she herself never having anything to do with poetry at all, but she accepted it. Not like she had much of choice when your five year old begs you for books. When Wes got older, he started writing some himself, his English teacher encouraging and challenging him. He liked Wes and Wes liked him. He saw only good in Wes, predicting a great future but unfortunately his mum never got to hear any of the good feedback he had on her son.

- He met his best friend, Kyle, in primary school and have been best friends ever since. Kyle is one of the most important people in Wes’ life, if not the most important. He can always count on him, no matter the time, no matter the circumstance. Kyle is Wes’ personal protector and never let anyone being mean to Wes slide. When the both of them started high school at Clifton, Ronnie came to the mix and the three have been inseperable since. Ronnie was exactly what he wished for Kyle; she was absolutely perfect for him.

- When Wes was thirteen he began struggling with his self-esteem. He thought he was too pale, too scrawny, too tall and his forming acne didn’t help the case either. He started showing symptoms of a mild depression, locking himself in his room unless it was Kyle who wanted to see him. His mum blamed herself and her constant absence and immediately sent him off to multiple therapy sessions, all of which didn’t help a whole lot. He hated it. 

- A year later, he realized he was gay. You could say, he always kind of knew that something was different, if his crush on Harry Potter was anything to go by, but at the age fourteen he admitted to himself after pining after Joey Carpenter for the longest time and jerking off to his school picture that he, in fact, liked dick and dick only. Later that summer, him and Joey Carpenter’s best friend started dating. The irony, huh. Although secretly, but Wes did believe he was in love back in the day and he would’ve done anything for Tim, that was his name. It was his first and only boyfriend, his first gay experience so more than handjobs and blowjob was not in it. They dated for three months but sooner or later, Wes found flithy texts to another boy on Tim’s phone. Not long after that, they broke up.

- At 15, Wes had his first time with a guy named Blake. Blake was older, hot and experienced. He met Blake at Why Not?, a gay bar in Bristol. Wes was immediately attracted to him, absolutely drawn to the authority the older radiated. Him and Blake went on a date or two until Wes let Blake fuck him. It hurt, but it was hot and Wes was happy he finally got it over with. How things go, the both of them ended things rather quickly after that and Wes started to get around. Thanks to his fake ID it was possible for him to lie about his age and sleep with guys older than he was at the time.

- Wes wanted a piercing. Not just any piercing but a lip piercing and he wanted it bad. Wes wasn’t old enough to get it done by himself, so when he asked his mother for approval, it was a no brainer. “Are you sure?” is all she asked and when Wes nodded enthusiastically, she signed the papers without second-guessing a thing. The next day, him and Kyle went to get pierced together.

- When it got out at school that Wes Knox was gay, most people took it well and were very accepting of the news while some people gave him disapproving looks. Especially a group of jocks made it their mission to make Wes’ life extraordinarily hard. Steven Dally, the leader of the pack definitely had it out for Wes and always had a stupid, homophobic remark on his tongue when he saw Wes. It was childish, and truly, Wes tried not to take it to heart, not the way Kyle did anyway. It wasn’t until he gave Steven Dally a blowjob in the showers after PE that the bullying got out of hand. Wes figured it was his way of dealing with regret or fear, but he ignored it for as long as he could until one afternoon Steven and his friends beat him up until he was spitting blood and his nose was broken. 

- Wes was seeking revenge. Something in his mind wanted to see Steven hurt in a way humanly unimaginable and it went further than seeing Kyle punch Steven in the face and him being expelled the next day. No, it had to go way deeper than that. On a way more emotional basis. So he set up a profile of a girl named Nicole Jennings. Nicole was pretty, young, independent and absolutely irressistable. Every guy’s wet dream. What started out as a plan to get back at Steven Dally, turned into something way more... fun. 

- It was a good laugh. Kyle and him laughing at the sexual frustrated guys that were more than willing to share all kind of pictures with Nicole, but soon their nightly rituals of laughing at other people’s expense lost its charm to Kyle and he told Wes to delete Nicole’s profile. But Wes didn’t do as told and started to find a liking in being Nicole, in being someone else -- no, he took things even further. He was insecure and as Nicole, he had all the guys wrapped around his little finger. He sexted, broke hearts without even a blink of his eye or showing any kind of remorse. It didn’t matter to him, because he was being someone else. He didn’t have to face any sort of consequences. 

- It wasn’t until he found Jake Seringway on Facebook. Jake being recommended as “people you may also know” and while Wes would’ve definitely remembered a face like Jake’s, he looked at his profile anyway and looked through the things Jake Seringway liked, what kind of photos he posted, what kind of people he hung out with and what schools he went to. Although Jake didn’t seem like the guy to accept  a stranger’s friend request, Wes, disguised as beautiful Nicole Jennings, tried his luck anyway - and a few hours later, Jake accepted it.

- What Wes knows now, Jake was different from the start. He wasn’t needy or frustrated, he was full of life and honest interest. While Wes texted with other guys beside Jake, Jake was his favourite person to talk to, the person he would always drop everything for in order to answer his texts. He stayed up long nights in order to talk to Jake, to hear how his day was and what his dreams and aspirations are. Wes himself revealed so much of himself, something he didn’t do before, but it was so easy with Jake and he wanted him to know. Sooner or later, Jake was all Wes thought about. During class, they would text each other and Wes got in so much trouble for texting (damn Mr. Creevey), but he didn’t care and before he knew it, he was falling. Hard and undeniably. All the other boys were irrelevant and all that mattered was JakeJakeJake. After months of texting they agreed to be a couple, Wes always finding an excuse as to why they can’t meet up. Although there was this big, massive lie in between them, Wes was happy and for the first time in his life, truly in love.

- Jake transfered to Clifton when Wes was in year 9 and to say it was a shock, would be the understatement of the year. Jake was even more beautiful in real life; muscular with long legs, a nice butt and that smile had Wes weak in the knees. Wes would’ve loved to snog him right then and there and just blurt out the whole truth, that hey, it’s me, I’m Nicole. I’m your girlfriend. Wes wanted to end it as soon as he saw Jake for the first time. Suddenly everything got so real, too real and it dawned on Wes what the hell he was actually doing, playing someone so dirty. One time he ran into Jake and talked to him for the first time as Wes and Wes was a stuttering mess but Jake was so kind and so nice and so straight and Wes wanked that night until he started to cry.

- The day he told Jake, was the worst of his life so far. He hated himself -- he was downright disgusted with himself. How could he ever look into Jake’s eyes again or anyone’s for that matter after what he did? He deserved the black eye he was sporting for two weeks and even more than that. He faked being sick for a week until Grimmy found out and forced him back to classes. Wes underwent heartbreak for the first time in his life.

- When Jake and him started to be something like friends, he couldn’t believe his luck. Couldn’t believe this was happening after all he’s done, but he figured it was typical and so Jake because Jake was kind, nice and all the things Wes wasn’t - not after what he did. 

- Wes hasn’t slept with anyone since going out with Jake as Nicole. Even now, while the both of them are still friends, Wes can’t bring himself to go see someone else, even if it’s just sex. Not when everything seems like Jake might give him a chance. Not when Jake kisses him and acts like it didn’t happen the next two weeks. Not when Jake is still the main inspiration in his poetry.

- Wes usually chills in his room, listening You Me At Six or pines over Brendon Urie’s jawline. The latter he would easily deny. He works on his poems and tries not to make any enemies or stand out, which to be fair is going along quite smoothly since him, Kyle and Ronnie do not quite fit the popular type. People would probably refer to the trio as misfits and none of them seem to mind. Kyle with his colourful hair that change every month, Ronnie with her idiotic yet adorable bowties and Wes.. being, well, Wes.

- After Clifton, Wes wants to study Creative Writing at NYU. He’s always had this straight fascination with New York and it’s always been his dream to someday move and live there. While he’s going to miss his mum, he believes she won’t be sad for too long, her first love always being her job. He wants to be a writer and inspire people with his words, just like Edgar Allen Poe, Charles Dickens or Maya Angelou did. 

Hotel Encounter

Sexy Encounter with Taron in NYC hotel after meeting at a party. 3,105 word count. Mature Content. ****This is my first fan fic post. Ah! I’m a little nervous, haha, :3*****

I can’t believe this is actually happening. Don’t fuck this up. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. That became my mantra as I brushed my hair, placed it into a loose bun. Frantically, I stare close into the mirror and grumbled at my features. What am I going to do with you? The eyebags. A lovely acne breakout. Eyebrows are trash. I take a deep breath, crack my knuckles, raise my eyebrow and give the mirror a sly smirk. Let’s get to work, shall we? Can’t keep Taron waiting. 2 hours. I have 2 hours to make myself drop dead gorgeous and ooze glamor. Now was my chance to make the impression of a lifetime. His (chiseled) jaw has to drop.

We’ve met before this fateful evening. A friend of a friend who has heavy-weight contacts in Hollywood introduced us at soiree in NYC. Oh, I wish you could have seen how cool I played it! Despite the fact that Eggsy was just my phone wallpaper last month. We had a conversation about film-making. He was endearing, every smile was genuine and I could see how passionate he is about his work. Time flew as we chatted. I gave him my card and left an open invitation… if he was ever in New York that could should give me a call. Immediately after this chance encounter, I called my sister and gushed about every detail. His cologne, biceps, everything. She burned with envy! Then storytime was over and I moved on. That was 3 months ago. Tonight I received a facetime from an unsaved number. My eyebrows furrowed and I rolled my eyes. Who the fuck is this? I angle the phone so that my forehead and eyes could only be seen by whoever made the call. When I saw who it was… my heart sank, butterflies began to float in my belly and sweat started forming on my back. HE REMEMBERED ME. “H-h-hi T-t-taron! Nice of you to reach out to me!” I started nervously rushing my hands through my hair and realized that my voice was way too loud. He replies in that wonderful melodic accent, “You’ve been on my mind lately, love. I’m in NY and I’d like to hang out with you a lil bit. I can send you the directions to the hotel I’m staying at. What you think?” My eyes widened and I froze like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes squinted with frustration. “Are you there? Fuckin’ Apple! I betta not be losing connection -” I snapped back to reality and responded like I reading off of cue cards, “Of course! I’d love to spend time with you. It’s going to take a few moments for me to ready.” “Oh darling, I completely understand. I coming straight out of the blue with this rendezvous. Can you be here by 7?” Oh shit it’s 5. “Of course! I’ll see you soon, Taron.” “Bye- bye!” He gave a big ole toothy grin. Facetime Call Ended.

In a blur, I ready myself for this meetup. my hair is now freshly flat-ironed. My skin radiant courtesy of my previous trip to Sephora. A rouge lip and smoky eye shadow. I’m wearing my best form-fitting high rise black denim skinny jeans that makes my ass look out of this galaxy. A white v neck cotton shirt tucked in carefully. A nice dose of cleavage never hurt. I stare down at my toes and wonder what kind of shoes should I wear as I dig into my closet. This was an emergency. I need the big guns. The Red Bottom Christian Louboutins. Yes, yes and more yes. Almost ready. Rummaging through the jackets I came across my Bad Bitch Motorcycle Leather Jacket. “Oh this would do just fine.” I take a look at my floor length mirror, strutted like a supermodel towards it and plant a kiss on it. I posed my body to check out every angle. Bitch, you are so ready for this. He won’t know what hit him.

I’m so not ready for this. This thought kept creeping into my thoughts as I sat in the uber. We were arriving in 5 minutes and it finally dawned on me. This is first time you’re going to be in a room alone with him. What the fuck am I going to say? I didn’t think this through at all. What if I say something weird? What if he gets bored with me? I’m starting to lost in my doubt and insecurity. “This is it, right?” I was jolted by the driver’s inquiry. “Yeah, yeah it is!” I climbed out of the vehicle and hurried towards the entrance. The heels clacked loudly on the marble flooring. It made me feel like everyone was staring. I shuffled my feet nervously as I stood in the lobby waiting to speak to the hotel clerk. The clerk was slim, tall elderly man who had a vacant stare. The name tag said Gary. When it was my turn to speak my voice raised a few octaves. “Hello Gary, I’m here to visit Taron Egerton.” The man grimaced, leafed through a book, called a number and spoke, “A young lady by the name of….” he absently gestures towards me with his long skeleton like fingers. “My name is Y/N!”  “Her name is Y/N and she’s hear to visit.” Taron continues to speak. “Mhm. Mhm. Okay, Mr. Egerton. She’ll be up in a few moments.” Gary hangs up. “Room 805. Eighth floor, of course” “Yeaaah, I get it. Thanks” I roll my eyes at his rudeness and start to walk towards to elevator. When I go inside, I’m startled to be confronted by reflection. I sassily stick my tongue out. Hey cutie. I could feel the elevator gently ascend my eyes glanced up towards blinking floor numbers. My stomach started to feel tight. Too late to back out now, right? The Eighth Floor. I’ve arrived. I strutted, switching my hips down the hallway toward Taron’s room. Here we go. I knocked on the door. Pause. Ten long seconds pass by. The doorknob turns and Taron reveals himself.. He was wearing a black linen shirt. The first two buttons are undone. His sleeves are rolled up revealing his muscular forearms. Those relaxed dark denim jeans are looking damn good on him. I quickly glanced all the way down and noticed he was barefoot. I felt overdressed in these flashy heels. “Come in! Come in!” His hands reached for mine as he closed the door shut. The sudden gentle grip of his strong, warm hand caught me off guard. He lead me into the room which was top-notch. “My God! You look stunning!” I blushed and ran my hands through my hair nervously. “Oh Taron! You embarrass me.” 

“I’m sorry… but I calls it as I sees it.” He murmured as eyes glazed over my figure. He suddenly asked cheerfully, “Would you like a drink? We’ve got sparkling water, apple cider, a bottle of pinot grigio…” 

“A glass of pinot grigio sounds fabulous to me.” Lord knows I needed something to calm my nerves. “Anything for the lady.” He winked and hopped over to the bar. I stole glances of him. Watched him scurry around for a glass. He held it up to the light to check for any water spots. “It’s so nice to see you, Y/N. I loved talking about films with you. So insightful.” 

“Wow, thanks. I try my best.” I looked downward to avert his gaze. Then he swiftly grabbed the wine bottle opener and attempted to get it open. He struggled and then chuckled as I was watched him utterly amused. I walked towards the bar, leaned over and rested my head on my hand. “Need any help? All those muscles and you can’t get this little bottom open. What a shame!” He let out a chuckle and nodded his head. “You're right, dear. I’ve been defeated. Pinot Grigio 1 Taron 0.” 

“May I?” I pointed towards to the bottle. “By all means!” He bowed his head and side stepped. I took off my jacket in a over the top manner as if I were a Vegas magician and proceeded to open it with complete ease. Taron was my adoring audience member and began to clap, “Bravo! Bravo! I think I can handle pouring it into the glass.” 

“You sure about that?” I teased. He fake pouted. “Duh! I can do that. I’m a big boy now.” I laughed at how childish he made his voice. His boyishness was endearing. He poured my glass and then poured himself one.

I mentioned the rude hotel clerk. Taron frowned, “Oh yeah that guy’s dick. I don’t know what his problem is. How dare he talk to a lovely lady like yourself in that manner. The man must be blind.” He shook his head. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the idea that he sincerely found me attractive. He caught the sour look in my expression. “You think I’m lying or somethin’?” The tone in his voice was that of disbelief. “Noooo… I’m just not good with compliments. Modesty is a curse, you know?” I shrugged my shoulders.

“You really didn’t have to do all of that.” He gestures his hands towards my face. My eyes lowered and I felt exposed. He sensed that I might have been offended. “Oh no no no! I’m just saying I was perfectly okay with the girl who answered the video call. This is nice too.” He stared down into his drink and sipped gingerly waiting for my response.

 “ ...Well thanks. I do appreciate that. All of this” I circled my hand around my face, “...makes me feel good, maybe sexy even.” He raised his eyebrow, tilted his head and gave a sly smirk. Suspicion entered my voice.”...what? What are you thinking?” 

“Oh nothing really. I’m just imagining you trying to achieve this look in such a short time!” “What can I say? I wanted to impress you....” Fuck, why did I say that. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He rolled his eyes, “I’m nobody! I wanted to impress you and I showed up to the door like a barefoot child with this unbuttoned wrinkled shirt while you came in like the real movie star.” We laughed. Trying to impress me? Holy. Shit. This just took an interesting turn. “Do you want to take this bottle to the sofa? This stool is hurting my arse.” I giggled and swiftly turned around to take a quick look at the white 3-seater. “Sure, why not?” Hell yeah I do. I took off those heels and let my feet sink into the thick, lush carpet. “Now I understand why you stayed barefoot. This feels amazing!” 

“Look at you getting comfy! Atta girl!” He seemed pleased. I plopped on the left end and him on the right. We both brought up our feet up so we could curl up nicely. “This is nice.” I said softly, and stared into his eyes. We locked eyes for more than a few seconds. It was a pleasing silence. Not strange at all. I sipped some more. We ended up chatting about our upbringing, and silly childhood memories. The intimacy was lovely. Talking to him felt natural. The conversation became a bit more explicit as we began to discuss our first sexual experiences in teenage years. I expressed my displeasure at how horrible my first time was. Taron shook his head in disgust. “A man should always take time to know a woman’s body and what she wants.” 

“Agreed! Some of these idiots couldn’t find the clitoris even it smacked them dead in the face.” He nearly choked on his wine from laughter. “You’re too funny! I swear. But you’re right though.”

“Mhm!” I nodded. “It’s tough being a straight woman I tell ya.”

“Would you experiment with women to see what it’s like?” 

“Hmmmmm…” I took a deep sip of wine. Taron’s hands shot up in the air “...and that’s a YES! Nice. You are unbelievably sexy, you know that? I don’t care what you say. You’re not going play modest tonight!” He wagged his finger at me disapprovingly.  “Okay! Okay! I’m...hot. You satisfied?” I leaned my head back pretending to be irritated. He couldn’t mask the lust in his eyes. “...Not yet.” He bit his lip. “I have a question for you.”

“Go for it.” 

“You say that you’ve had awful experiences with men. How do you think I’d measure up?” Oh. My. God.  My face burned. My nether regions began to throb. “Hmmm…” I began to examine my manicured nails, acting as if I was really deliberating. “Well…” I noticed he was hanging on my every word… just waiting for his green light. He hadn’t moved from his spot. I gave him a response, “I don’t know. But I’d love to find out…” My breathing grew heavier.

He climbed over me and kissed me softly, I kissed him right back. Our mouths began to open and our  tongues were massaging each other. All of those intruding insecure thoughts melted away. This was now and I wanted every inch of him. I began undoing his shirt and my impatience got the best of me and I tored it off. The buttons flew off. He kept kissing me and growled in my ear, “Oh! Is that how much you want it. Okay.” He swiftly unhooked my bra and lift my white shirt over my head revealing my breasts. He began flicking his tongue on my nipple and massaging my other breast. I groaned audibly. I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter. He kissed all over my abdomen. He yanked off my jeans and underwear. The cool air of the room made me shiver. I watched him intently with my mouth slightly agape. He spread my legs and started to place his finger inside of me. “Oh my…” He licked his lips lasciviously. “You are very, very wet. Just how I like it.” His finger slowly went in and out and I gasped. “That feels so fucking good.” He nodded. “Wonderful...”  He placed two fingers and angled it so that it hit my G-spot. “Oh my...Ah!” I moaned uncontrollably. I involuntarily tried to close my legs. He firmly kept them apart. I didn’t want him to stop. He kept my legs spread. He leaned down and kissed my abdomen and planted a gentle kiss on my clit. It drove me mad. I threw my head back in anticipation to what I was in store for. He took the tip his stiff tongue and licked slowly. My eyes rolled back. He gently pulled back the hood so he can stimulate me the most. He started going to work. Flicking his tongue wildly. My back arching and my toes were curling. I couldn’t take it. I was going to come. I was getting so fucking close. He suddenly stopped and lifted his head, “Y/N would you say that I found your clitoris?” He acted as he was genuinely puzzled and needed guidance. “HA! Are you kidding me?!” I slapped my hand on my forehead in utter disbelief. “Yes! Taron! Yes! You are too hilarious. You ridiculous, beautiful man!” 

“I shall continue.” He winked at me and picked up exactly where he left off. I gently ran my hands through his hair. My orgasm started building up again and he didn’t stop while I was shaking uncontrollably. I was out of breath. Taron sat up and I noticed his raging erection in his jeans. I sat up, reached over and grabbed his crotch, “I think I can help you with that.” He sat back down on the sofa, “Pretty please, love.” I smiled and pulled down his zipper. He wiggled out of his jeans. I pulled down his briefs and I started stroking him softly. He let out a moan. My mouth made its way down. I started bobbing up and down, with increasing speed. “Yeeeesss, just like that. Just like that. Mmm…” I could taste his pre cum. I used my tongue to lick the tip and go all the way down shaft. He was much bigger than I thought and I started to rub my clit. It was still swollen and wet from juices. He took my head and guided me up and down. He got harder and harder. I was pretty sure he was going to come but then he lifted my head to kiss me. He whispered. “Get up. I want to fuck you so badly.” He turned me around, bent me over the sofa, and slipped his hard dick inside of me. He thrusted hard and I cried out. “Oh Taron! Yes! Please don’t stop. Fuck me hard just like that.” He kept on. He slapped my ass, firmly grasped my hair and continued to fuck me until I could barely breathe. I could hear how my ass slapped against him and how he grunted. “You like this, Y/N? Tell me you love it” He breathed into my ear. “Oh my god fuck yes!” I screamed. “I’m gonna come!” 

“Yes, Come! I wanna make you come again!” He started thrusting faster. I swore I saw stars. An orgasm rocked through my body. I almost went limp. He pulled out, pulled me over his shoulder, marched over to his bed and threw me down. This was exhilarating. I don’t know how much more I can take. He spread my legs and licked my clit some more. I was on cloud nine. He then lifted my legs up as far as he could and  plunged himself inside of me until he knew he was about to come. His body glistened with sweat and his eyes were wild with lust. He pulled out and came all over my breasts and I surprised him by blowing him again. He threw his head back in ecstasy as I slowly came to a stop. He slumped into the bed and I laid next to him. He reached over his night stand, grabbed a few tissues and wiped me down. Made sure it was all off of me. I noticed all of our clothes were strewn on the floor. We laid down together. I’m curled underneath his arm and studied his chest heave. Instinctively, I laid my hand there. His hands ended up playing with my hair. He took a deep breath, slowly opened his eyes and groggily said, “...Your makeup didn’t budge. Not even a little. Amazing.” I let out a dry laugh. I didn’t want this night to ever end.

Living in a Threat Condition

Last time I was in therapy, my therapist dude (who I’m guessing is the only person who will ever read this, which I’m fine with,)  said something, almost off the cuff, that has stuck with me.  He used the phrase “living in a threat condition.”  I honestly don’t remember what he said before or after it, because that was the phrase that stuck the most.   I had never really considered it, but up until very recently, I was always living under a threat condition.

So my dad is a pastor ; evangelical Presbyterian, and i grew up in teh church. Like, almost literally IN the church.  We spent all our time there.  Sundays, Sunday night for vespers, Wednesday , Thursday for choir rehearsal, and usually other stuff as needed.

As a pastor’s kid, you’re under a microscope.  People are always watching you to see what you’ll do as an example.  I remember my mom telling me once “ Ethan (not my real name, but you think I’m gonna fuckin’ put my real name on this? C’mon, bro.) Ethan, everything you do is a reflection on your father; it’s a reflection on our family; it’s a reflection on the church,; and it’s a reflection on God himself.”  And I was told this, many, many times.  Threat 1 -- Everyone is watching you, and you CANNOT fuck up, because if you do, it’s not you who falls, but EVERYONE you care about, including God almighty.   So there was ZERO room to be a kid, to make the mistakes we all need to make as kids; to fight, to fall, to fuck up. 

Being an evangelical church, there’s a strong connection between you and Jesus. (Holy spirit, not so much; he’s the red-headed stepchild of the trinity. And God the Father is just there to watch you like some creepy old white dude in the clouds.)    I remember being told in Sunday school “When you sin, you put Jesus back up on that cross.  Every time you sin, you crucify Christ.  Jesus dies for you, every time you sin.”  Threat 2 -- You LITERALLY KILL A MAN in the worst way possible EVERY time you make a mistake.  The way I was taught, or the way I internalized it, Mistake == Sin. Failed a test? Sin. Congrats, you killed Jesus because you didn’t study enough. Got angry and called someone a mean name? Sin.  Pound pound pound those nails through Jesus’ hands. I remember being up at summer camp in Wisconsin, (of course it was an evangelical christian camp; a place which I still love and adore, though it’s riddled with pain for me.) and listening to a sermon on Sunday morning of the most graphic description of Jesus’ death.  Rusty nails through hands and feet, crown of thorns on a bleeding head, breaking his legs so he would suffocate, the vinegar on the sponge to dry him out, and the swords through the side.  I mean, I get it, crucifixion is horrible.  And then couple that with the teaching that EVERY SIN, EVERY MISTAKE you do that to Jesus.  

Fuck, it’s amazing I didn’t lock myself away. 

Oh, Did I mention I’m gay?  (Ish. Bi? Pan? I like cock, so...) Dad is a pastor, and this is the kind of church where, if a pastor had a gay kid, he would have been fired.  Their logic works like this -- “If you can’t control your own household, you’re not capable of leading God’s flock. The husband is the head of the household (so they say,) and you’re not in control of your house.”  Threat Three -- If I was ever to be discovered as being gay, it would have destroyed my family, and the lives of those whom I loved. Dad was a team player and would have agreed to try to put me in conversion therapy. Mom would’ve said “FUCK THAT SHIT” (and yes, seeds of doubt, but fuck that, this is how it would’ve played out,) and it would have been a huge wedge in their marriage. Dad loses his job and the family’s livelihood. I was also a porker of a kid -- some of my earliest memories are of standing in the bus line in 1st grade in suburban St. Louis, waiting for the bus to come, being mocked for being fat.  Like, early, early shit. (And I wonder where the body dysmorphia comes from. Hmmm.) So why come out at all?  No one was gonna date the fat gay kid, even if I was talented as fuck at singing and theater.  So why rock the boat? (Hint: the whole concept of “be yourself, be honest to yourself, be authentic,” and the importance of knowing yourself to be a healthy and whole individual? Yeah,that concept isn’t really taught in the church. Church is about doing what you’re told, not what’s right.) Coming out or being outed would have had zero gain back then, so I tell / told myself, and would have caused a lot of pain.  Couple that with, coming out as gay to evangelical pastoral parents... pack your bags, sonny Jim. At least, that’s what I tell / told myself....  (While I’m sitting here typing this, I just got a message on Grindr.  Dude hits me up; tells me that I’m handsome and he’s into me being a power bottom. Good energy, good vibe. We send a few pics. He’s muscular and lean. I send a shirt pic -- instantly blocked.  No chat, no nothing. Just... blocked.  And it’s grindr, and guys are assholes, and we’re there to fuck and everyone has a type and I get it, but still... it’s hard to not take it as a reflection of value and worth.  I’m down 115 lbs from when I was 285 at my heaviest, and yeah, I have some skin left over, and while I’m proud of what I’ve done, it still feels like it’ll never be enough. (yes, that’s extreme thinking: “Never.” I know.)   It’s like gay dudes only find worth or value in a 6-pack. And while it’s all well and good to say “fuck him, he’s an asshole,” it doesn’t make me feel any better. It’s like putting a bandage over a poison wound; it just festers.)

Hey, there’s Threat Four -- The fat-ass is never good enough, regardless of how kick-ass he is at other things, and everyone was standing at the ready to remind me of it.

Kids are fucking mean, and I was always on the receiving end of it.  Bike was stolen, pushed to the ground, I was too fat to get shoved into a locker (bonus?) but I ate alone at lunch.  I never had a tribe.  Trying to fit in... didn’t go so well.  I don’t fit in.  High school is about conforming to norms, but those norms were different than the church’s norms, and none of those norms fit who I was and am. 

So how does all that relate to a threat condition? 

It made me realize, ever since I was little, I’ve always been under a threat condition.  Bullies for me being fat.  Being outed and watching it destroy my family.  The church “Family” loving nothing more than to watch me fuck up and tell everyone when I did. Any sin literally killing a ( fictitious) man. Every action I’ve ever done has been weighed against the thought of “Is this too gay?” That hand gesture; too gay?  That word choice; too gay?  Will I show my hand, and will it destroy everyone I love if I say “Oh honey,” without thinking about it?

And now here I am; 36, about to turn 37, out of the closet (bitch, I didn’t come out of the closet -- i fuckin’ put a block of C4 on that fucker and blew the doors off their fuckin’ hinges,) and those threats... some of them are there and some aren’t.  I’m out to my parents.  They don’t know what to do with it, but they still love me.  I think.  They say.  The family still stands.  Mostly. The gays still judge the fuck out of my fat, but they know I can sing, that’s for damn sure. And I still seem to get plenty of dick. (Too much?  9 partners over Pride weekend.... Granted, 3 of them were at the same time.  And yet, it’s the damn fucker who blocks me on Grindr after seeing my stomach that’s going to ruin my night, if I don’t keep CONSTANT vigilance over my thoughts from here to the end of consciousness tonight.)

Alright.  That’s my time and then a lot more.  All that to say, I’ve always been under a threat condition and had my walls up.  No fuckin’ clue how to let them down. 

Now & At The Hour Of Our Death

original story: http://archiveofourown.org/works/694435?view_adult=true

Summary: In which g!p Camila defiles a horny Lauren in an empty church If you’re religious i suggest you don’t read this, also lots of dirty talk.

——————————–

“What do we have here?” Camila’s voice sounded through the darkness of the church. Services had ended the hour before, but Lauren was still there, on her knees, praying to the Lord. Camila bit back a chuckle, knowing her girlfriend would not be amused by disregard for her religion.

Lauren’s eyes flew open, and she turned towards her girlfriend in surprise. “What are you doing here?” She hissed.

“Chill, Lo. Your Mom told me she was supposed to pick you up here, and I offered to do it instead.” Camila plopped down in the pew beside Lauren. “I didn’t realize you still prayed.” Her tone was subdued, the teasing gone, a warm tone washed over Lauren.

Lauren smiled. “Well, someone has to ask the Lord’s forgiveness for the things we do.”

Camila smiled in return, glancing around at the mostly darkened church, candles flickering in the distance. She scanned Lauren’s profile, her eyes closed, her face slightly upturned to the sky, her beautiful lips pursed in thought. Lauren Jaurgui was just about the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen, and damn if she wasn’t a lucky bitch for being the one she had picked. Staring at her girlfriend’s long black hair, Camila felt her cock start to swell in her pants, and with that, every dirty thought she’d ever had in church began to whirl through her brain. She glanced down, her dick was obviously hard in her pants, it was hard to hide nine inches long and three inches thick, so she rarely bothered trying.

“Really, Camila? Here?” Lauren asked, sounding completely exasperated.

“I can’t help it, you look so hot, Lo.” Camila finished, dropping a hand to the bulge in her jeans and stroking it slowly in a way that never failed to make Lauren horny as well. Looking up at her girlfriend’s face, she smiled, seeing signs of Lauren’s growing arousal all over her.

“We can’t. Not here.” Lauren returned, biting on her bottom lip, her cheeks coloring.

“Why not? No one’s here. You can’t tell me that you haven’t thought about it before, Laur. Getting your brain’s fucked out in God’s house. I know you have, babe, you’re so fucking kinky.” Camila grinned as the coloring of Lauren’s cheeks became a full on blush. “I can make you feel good, Lo. Let me?” Camila asked, reaching out to wrap her hand around her girlfriend’s and pulling them, joined to the bench.

“We shouldn’t.” Lauren responded, not letting go of her hand.

“Fuck yeah, we should. C'mon, Lo, we’re young and we only live once.” Camila grinned, knowing the deal was sealed. Lauren was no good at resisting her. “Besides, you’ve already asked for forgiveness.” She moved forward to drop a kiss on Lauren’s long, beautiful neck. Humming against it, she whispered “Please?”

Lauren’s hand pulled from Camila’s, dropping to the bulge in her pants, and Camila was unable to hold back a moan. “You’re so hard.” Lauren murmured, running her hand over the length.

“For you. I want to fuck you.” Camila replied before leaning up to capture Lauren’s lips. Immediately, they both sunk into the kiss, their lips soft and insistent against each other. When Camila’s tongue searches and finds Lauren’s, they both moan into the kiss, it echoes in the cavernous silence. They shift their weight until Lauren is laying down in the pew, legs spread, Camila between them, her hard cock pressed against Lauren in the best of ways, enough that Lauren grinds her already wet underwear into the zipper of Camila’s jeans. “Fuck, Lo, you want this so bad don’t you.”

“As soon as I saw you walk in, I wanted this.” Lauren responded, moving her hips roughly against Camila’s hardness.

“Everybody thinks you’re the innocent one.” Camila remarked, reaching up to yank Lauren’s shirt up to her neck and exposing her bare breasts. “You’re so fucking hot, Laur.”

“You’re so fucking hard, Camz.” Lauren responded, smirking. A moan escaped her throat as Camila bent her head down and bit her right nipple before sucking it hard into her mouth, causing Lauren’s hips to rut up into her erection again. “Fuck, Camz, stop teasing and put your dick inside of me.”

“But you’re so much fun to tease. What’s the problem, Laur? You can’t wait? You want my big dick right now? Can you take it? Are you so wet that I can slide this monster cock right in?” Lauren didn’t respond with words, leveling her gaze on Camila, fire flashing in her emerald eyes, using her hips to drive her wetness. Camila could feel her heat on the sensitive underside of her cock. “Fuck, babe, you are so fucking wet. I want to split you fucking open and make you see heaven.”

Lauren grabbed her shirt pulling her close and smothering her diatribe with her lips. “Fuck me, Camz.” She murmured, low, her hands working over Camila’s zipper, sliding it down slowly, and pulling out the biggest dick Lauren had ever imagined, much less ever seen. It was mammoth and veiny and perfect and she wanted it inside of her. As her cock emerged, watching Lauren lick her lips and bite down on her bottom lip, looking at her dick like she loved it, Camila couldn’t take it anymore. She reached forward and yanked Lauren’s panties down until they hung off her left leg, dangling precariously over the floor.

Camila dragged the tip of her dick through Lauren’s liquid heat, both of them moaning at the first contact. Not one to delay her own gratification, Camila immediately lined herself up with Lauren and began to push. It was hard work, working her dick into Laurne. Lauren was actually quite petite in a sense, almost a slip of a girl if she hadn’t been quite muscular from working out. Still, the only workout Lauren’s pussy got was from this, Camila pounding into her, and everytime, she was tight again. It was one of her girlfriend’s most amazing qualities in Camila’s opinion.

She moaned, the rim of the mushroom head of her cock sliding in ever so fucking slowly, listening to Lauren moan wantonly beneath her. As tight as she was, Lauren was a slut for her cock, and she fucking loved it. “That’s it, baby, it’s coming. You can take it.” Camila placed her hands on Lauren’s hips, lifting them to a good angle before pushing with more pressure from the hips. Lauren swallowed her dick head. They each took a long deep breath, Lauren’s hands trailing down her arms, gripping as if to gain purchase. Camila let her weight sink down over her girlfriend, and she reached one hand up and pushed up the shirt Lauren was wearing to palm her bare breast in her hand, gripping it hard and twisting the nipple in the palm of her hand. Lauren gasped, her hips jerking, allowing Camila to sink another inch into her girlfriend. “Fuck baby, take my cock.” Camila murmured, watching Lauren’s face distort in pleasure.

She opened her eyes and glanced around the empty room, realizing her softly murmured words reverberated through the entire cavernous room. It was made to carry sound, and the sound of Lauren’s moans and deep breathing were filling the space around them. Staring down at her panting girlfriend, her eyes screwed shut, her mouth open, pink lips glistening, her hands wrapped around Camila’s forearms, Camila had never wanted her more. “C'mon, slut.” She began. “Take my fucking dick.” She pushed her dick harder, deeper into her girlfriend, and inching her way in slowly, she was halfway there. Not nearly enough, but the effort was showing all over Lauren’s face. It was so fucking hot how much she worked to accommodate the monster cock between her thighs. She used the hand that had been manipulating Lauren’s breast to slap it, causing it to bounce on her chest. “You pretend to be this perfect innocent little Christian girl, but here you are in church, literally panting like a fucking bitch in heat for my cock. Isn’t that right, Lauren? C'mon, you bitch, take my whole fucking dick if you want it so much.”

Lauren’s eyes flew open. “What are you doing?” She demanded, sinking herself even further onto her girlfriend’s dick. Camila rocked her hips experimentally, forcing Lauren’s eyes to roll back in her head.

“I’m fucking my little slut in front of God.” Camila replied, dropping her hips and impaling Lauren on her dick.

Lauren yelped, gasping as every inch of Camila filled her, stretching her completely and rubbing her walls in the most delicious way. “Holy fucking God, Camila!”

“That’s the point, Laur.” Camila grinned down at her girlfriend, rocking her hips back and forth gently, creating just a slight friction. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No, fuck. Keep talking. It’s fucking hot.” Lauren replied, trying to rock her hips back in time, feeling her orgasm beginning to build deep in her gut.

Camila dropped her hands to Lauren’s waist again, yanking it up to the perfect angle for her, and began to piston in and out of Lauren. Long since used to the way her girlfriend’s walls gripped her dick, she was nonetheless in heaven, the wet, tight friction making it an effort to keep from blowing her load. “I bet you fucking love sinning in God’s house, isn’t that right, Laur? Did you walk down this aisle in a white communion dress, promising to be faithful? Did you know then that you’d let some dick fuck you in this pew because you’re too much of a cock whore to resist?” Camila felt Lauren’s walls tighten rythmically around her, a copious amount of wetness suddenly rushing around her dick as she moved her hips franctically in and out of her girlfriend. “Fuck, did you just come on my cock, you little slut?”

Panting with the effort, Lauren nodded, but Camila did not let up. Scooping her hands under her girlfriend’s back, she rolled them so Lauren was on her lap, impaled by her cock. Lauren’s breasts bounced in her face, her head thrown back, her lips mouthing what Camila could tell was a prayer, but she didn’t give a shit. “You praying for us, sweetie? Because I’m pretty sure you’re already in heaven.” Settling her hands on Lauren’s hips, she began to bounce her girlfriend up and down on her dick, settled back against the end of the pew, the wood creaking below them. Reaching up, she grabbed a handful of Lauren’s hair and yanked. “I don’t care if you pray, slut, just as long as you ride me. Say your little prayer for me baby, and let me watch your tits bounce.”

Lauren seemed to slowly be coming back to herself as she dropped her hips down and then pulled herself back up, to sheath and unsheath herself on Camila’s dick. She began mumuring the words low in Camila’s ear, smothering her nose and mouth with her tits. “Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee.”

“Fuck, Laur.” Camila murmured into her chest. “You’re so fucking hot. Keep going.”

Lauren continued, picking up the pace of her hips and starting to circle them as she bore down against Camila. She could feel her lady tightening underneath her, and she knew Camila was close to coming. She couldn’t wait to feel her spill her cum inside of her. “Blessed are thou amongst women.” She canted, panting, her hot breath spilling in Camila’s ear.

“Please, baby, please, keep going.” Camila repeated, no longer completely in control of what she was saying.

“And blessed is the fruit of thy womb: Jesus.” Lauren murmured, spreading her thighs apart and encouraging Camila to thrust up inside of her while she rocked down.

“Fucking Hell, Lo.”

“Holy Mary,” Lauren began, thrusting her hips, bringing a hand up to pinch and squeeze her own nipple in Camila’s face, the other to caress her clit. Her walls tightened in anticipation of her second orgasm. “Mother of God.” She moaned.

Camila felt herself start to blow, thick ropes of cum escaping her, unloading into her girlfriend. When Lauren felt the hot seed seep into her, she threw her head back. “Pray for us sinners.” She murmured before her jaw locked with the force of her orgasm, a kind of miraculous feeling pulsing through her as she felt a hot flood erupt from her, spilling out of her and over her girlfriend’s torso and lap. “Amen.” She muttered.

When she could, Lauren slowly pulled back from Camila to look her in the eye. “That was disgusting.” She grinned.

Camila looked at her with a kind of awe. “Holy fuck, Lauren, you squirted.”

“Shut up.” Lauren replied, her cheeks heating.

“We have to do that again! Hale-fucking-lujah!” Camila yanked Lauren forward, wrapping her arms around her and then laying her back down on the bench, flipping the kneeler out and dropping awkwardly to her knees. Her eyes are focused on her girlfriend’s abused, beautiful, wet pussy, dripping cum and leaking her seed. “You are so fucking hot, baby.” Camila smiled, leaning forward and licking her girlfriend’s expanse.

Lauren grinned. “I love you, Camz.” She slumped her hips down, resting the arches of her feet on the pew in front of her. “Now shut the fuck up and get to work.” She grabbed a handful of chocolate hair, and shoved her girlfriend’s face into her pussy. As Camila’s very talented tongue went to work, Lauren was reminded of one of the tenet beliefs of her faith: God is great.

SL 4 with @TurningEternal and @WinterBlood_

                         Christian:

Sean and I stood at the edge of the property, a cool fog surrounding us. Across the way was my father and uncles, dressed in druid robes, steady as statues. It wasn’t lost on me that if the fae world--MacKayla Lane--hadn’t intruded on my life, that I’d be standing amongst them right now. Long robes would cloak a six-foot frame instead of a seven-foot one. Hands that could create protection and love would press together, instead of extinguishing it. And the only wings around would be a Scottish crossbill. If it was possible, Sean was standing even more still than the others. It was as if he feared simply breathing would spread poisonous spores that would suck their life force out like the shadow creatures in Dublin.

“The others should be along shortly,” my father’s eyes didn’t quite meet mine.

“Aye,” I whispered. I had wondered why Dageus and Winter would sneak off together, but I suspected it had something to do with his knowledge of The Nine’s spellwork and the snaw fae’s knowledge of the Silvers. They probably were ensuring our relic would stand the test of time.

Suddenly a roar sounded from over the hill.

“Ryodan…” I growled. Why was he here? He had created this mess, I wasn’t about to let him clean it up. This was druid business, the Silvers and the doorways to faery had always been /our/ jurisdiction. He and his pack had simply carved out doggie-doors for themselves and assumed pissing all over made them residents as much as the rest of us. Not likely.

But the monster that crested the grassy field was not Ryodan.

“Dageus?”

He was not alone. A second animal was with him, a magnificent creature with dark skin and white fur. Massive, muscular legs carried a brute that rivaled my uncle. Eyes that matched my own and Sean’s, opalescent and multi-colored, searched the tall grass. Spotting us, they loafed down, the ground vibrating as they approached under the elephantine weight. 

                         Winter:

She’d baited the beasty to chase her through the forest, swatted at his rump and tugged on his tail until he was as playful as she. It was not appropriate perhaps, dire times on the horizon and all but she was in the need for something lighthearted and bright. Needed something to drive away the emptiness inside that gaped, missing piece growing more and more each day. She felt as if the wind blew it was sweep right through her but in this form she was able to ignore it, her mind taken by the more basic instincts. It wasn’t that she was less aware standing tall, fur covering her from head to toe but that she could allow herself to drift. So she chased and played until Dageus nipped and nudged, telling her it was time. Pushing her to the clearing, to responsibility and potentially home. 

The Druids and Princes were easy to find, obvious in the valley, their scent loud and thrilling. She tugged at Dageus’s tail and jumped over him as he turned to snap at her, looking over her furred shoulder at him to grin with sharp teeth. Her body moved easily in this form, or perhaps it was less inhibited so the wind carried her, icy breeze transporting her before the Princes and the Druids. The fog turning white with snow as she stood, a grin on her face as she stood taller than Chrisitan, purposefully looking down on him as her white fur began to recede. She slimmed and shrank as blue skin was bared, turning to stripes and then branches of veins on pale skin while she stood proud, nude. Dageus grouching beside her as she stood proud, naked skin shining within the fog. 

                        Christian:

As the humongous, furry pair of animals bound their way down the field to where we stood, my eyes grew wide. Dageus was easy to recognize, but it took a few seconds to place his companion. Until she stopped in front of me, dwarfing my Unseelie form, and locked eyes with mine, sending a frosted chill down my spine. It was Winter. She was a snowy figure, a giant downy creature with glowing eyes and talons that scraped up dirt with every step. Then with a shimmer, she began to shrink, to peel away the layers of the glorious beast she had transformed into, changing back, shifting again, to her human form. 

My uncles averted their eyes, turning away as her woolly exterior shed and smooth, naked skin was revealed. Even Dageus gave his back to shudder and shrink down. I did no such thing, refusing to blink for fear of missing a single moment of her hypnotic mutation. Unseelie Princes felt no shame, we were literal sex gods. If it weren’t for the Sidhbha-jai turning mortals to wet, moaning slaves, I’d never wear clothes.

Sean stood next to me, a look of satisfaction on his face. He was enjoying this as well, his royal allure unmuted and calling out like a Siren. My arm shot out, elbow kicking back and into the middle of his face.

“Fuck!” he howled and turned away, spitting blood. “You dick.”

I shot him a glance that screamed /Get control of yourself, or I’ll do it for you./  Then my wings came down and around, shielding the snaw fae from the others in a darkened blanket of feathers.

“Do you have clothes with you, bonnie lass?”

                        Winter:

She breathed in deeply, feeling her ribs expand and her muscles stretch. There was power crackling under her skin from the shift, from the fun. It was as if the short time of playfulness in a form that was little magic and all instinct had recharged her. She felt lovely. Powerful. Nearly whole. And perhaps it was the winter fog that stroked her bare skin or the magic of this land but there was hope within her. 

With a pleased smile, she swept her hand through the fog and looked at the men around her, amusement dimpling the corners of her mouth as she saw the prudish druids averting their gazes. Even Dageus turned his back as his body shifted between forms, a louder more painful transition than her own. But it was the heat of the stranger, an obvious Prince whom she could only assume was Sean, that drew her attention. That look, pure Unseelie Prince, was soon interrupted by a sharp elbow to the face. Laughter bubbled up like music at the sight of his disgruntled face, filling the valley around them until Her Prince shrouded her in his wings. 

Her giggles slipped away when those dark, beautiful wings curled around her. They took her laughter away, her breath, as the shine of her moon pale skin reflected off the midnight feathers. Her fingers reached out to touch along the soft edges of his lovely feathers, a hum sounding at the back of her throat, bright eyes slipping to the side to glance at him. “Violent.” She smirked before slipping a hand between the fold of his wings to snatch her cloak from the air, pulling it into this private space. “And what would you do if I did not have my clothing?” 

                        Christian:

She was like a white dove in a midnight sky, a tiny silver ice-fae dancing across the mossy green forest inside my wings. A sharp wind lifted and spun around us, but inside my nest all was calm, as if a summer night for the dewy glow of Winter’s skin. Her soft laugh tickled my subconscious as if I’d heard it before somewhere. At times the imprints of Unseelie Princes past drifted to the surface, and I had a feeling I was sensing the King’s creation more than a true memory of my own. Her gentle teasing lifted a subtle laugh from my chest.

“I imagine I’d lend you my shirt, lass. Or send Dageus to retrieve your clothes wherever you left them among the trees.”

I always knew the snaw fae was more than just her human form, but I’d not considered this. She was absolutely breathtaking, a beast that stood taller than even me. My lips turned down in a scowl. No wonder Ryodan had attached himself to her like a lost puppy. No wonder she tolerated that fool with such patience. Observing Winter and Dageus scampering about the hillside gave me way too many images of what her and Ryodan might do in animal form. Well. He’d betrayed her the moment he sealed up the Silvers. Now /I/ would make it right.

“Are you ready to begin, lass?”

                        Winter:

Her fingers plucked at his shirt with a sly smile but she just shook her head, still floating on the high of amusement and beastie playfulness. 

“A Prince who wants clothing. Curious.” She winked, teasing further to try and ease the frown that suddenly marred Christian’s features. There was no doubt it was from his own thoughts, not her or her nudity. Such a serious man. Shaking her head slightly she dressed in her shift and cloak, quickly braiding her hair back, away from her face. She took these moments to compose herself, gathering her seriousness and settling into this moment. It was time to leave the playfulness behind and focus on opening her home. On dragging that sickness from her Silvers. Saving herself and those lands. 

“Yes.” Her head tilted down slightly, tri colored eyes closing for a moment of reflection or perhaps prayer before sweeping a hand over the Prince’s wings. Silently asking for them to part and free her from the dark refuge. “Let us begin.”

                        Christian:

A dozen feet of black feathers peeled back in each direction to reveal Winter to my uncles once again. Sean’s nose had likely healed by now, no telling on his mood. I glanced his way just enough to see that he had clasped his hands in front of his body and was standing back a few feet. Aye. Better. My uncles, Dageus included, were standing in formation among the stones, hands free from the deep pockets of their cloaks and eyes bright.

“Together we will open a singular path to the Silvers, and Winter will draw the disease forth. It will seek her, especially if this is the only route available. Sean will absorb the virus and hold it within himself until we can bind it to the relic. Then we'll release the rest of the Silvers, opening the doorways again. Are we clear.”

I looked around, saving Winter for last. The idea of using her as bait made my stomach ache, but we had more than enough raw power between the druids, two Unseelie Princes, and the snaw fae to control this spoiled creature. I nodded infinitesimally to her, as if to say, “You are safe here, bonnie lass.”

Then my uncles began the incantation.

                        Winter:

Now that she was free of Christian’s wings she felt dread like a heavy stone in her stomach, squeezing at her chest until she almost struggled to breathe. That thing was going to be coming for her again, going to touch and poison. She didn’t listen to what the Prince was saying only stared at where the silvers would open, where the darkness would come. Her gaze shifted to the other Prince, Sean, the one that would take the darkness in on himself and save her home. Those blue eyes turned to Christian, his gaze on her, comforting and warm. What had he told Sean about his part in this? And did she care? No. 

Her chin dipped down slightly in a nod and her chest rose slow and steady as she drew in a centering breath. She pulled from the cold around them, drawing the fog to her for power and control. She’d become a beacon for that thing, call it to her with the lure of power. There was no doubt in her mind once the silvers were opened it would come straight for her. She could only hope it would not touch her, taint her. Not again. She nodded again, this time at the Druids before she pushed the fog forward, forming a focal point for the druids to use for an opening. Normally they would have a mirror of some sort but this would work, especially with the amount of power in this forest. 

                        Christian:

As the doorway to the Silver opened, it felt as if a light had gone on, calling me home. I wondered if Sean and Winter felt the same draw, the same connection to the Unseelie King’s world. The power it emanated gave me goosebumps, hair standing on end. My wings fluttered subtly, spreading wide behind me.

“What the…” my gaze narrowed. Something was coming straight for us from inside the Silver, but it wasn’t the disease. A black stare under even darker hair was locked on me, and a boiling rage slid up my spine. Without blinking, I pointed to my right, staring straight ahead. “Sean. Get over here and hold the doorway. When the disease shows itself, take it. Do not let it reach her.”

Without another word, I forged through into the Silver, hissing a misty breath into the fog. Why Ryodan was here, inside the Silver, meant either he had a hidden agenda or he’d been alerted somehow to our magic. If he meant to sneak around inside faery, I’d make sure he never escaped it. If he was here to stop us from cleansing the Silvers, he was in for a bloody surprise.

                        Winter:

Tears burned in her eyes as the Silvers opened, the void within her filling quickly, steadily. She was drowning in the sensation of being whole and strong again. Couldn’t barely breathe past the relief but she held her cool expression, kept her calm exterior. That is until the scent of Ryo wafted through the opening of the Silvers and her gaze found her through the mirror-like fog. Emotions warred within her, rage and grief both fighting to overpower the other. They’d known the Nine would be monitoring the Silvers somehow but that had not expected such a fast response. Did they keep a backdoor open for themselves? Or had they prepared for this when she’d escaped with Dageus? 

It didn’t matter now, Ryo was there and he’d try to stop them if he could. She moved forward, fog wrapping around her as her power sang at full force but it was Christian that stepped through the portal to meet the beast. Christian that ordered Sean to protect her. As if she wouldn’t go after him. She swept past Sean, frost creeping over his skin where his hand touched her but he didn’t let go, allowed himself to be pulled into her world. Her Silvers. 

The realms sang when her feet touched the ground and the wind whipped around them, pushing Ryodan back and away from the portal they had created and removing Sean’s grip from her arm. It embraced her and Christian, singing its warnings as darkness crept across the sky, grass beginning to brown and the trees of the surrounding forest withering as it crept closer, attracted by her and the surge of power that came from opening the Silvers once more. 

                        Christian:

I didn’t have to look back to know that Sean had failed at keeping Winter back and that she had now joined me. Faery chimed with a life and energy that only she could ignite. I felt it surge through me, drawing the Unseelie Prince forth and leaving Christian in the world we left behind. Ryodan was blasted back by it. By us, The Fae. It brought a toothy smile to my face, watching his eyes widen in surprise. Not many creatures could strongarm The Nine, Ryodan especially. And we’d just delivered a blast strong enough to knock him back just by entering the Silvers. Now he saw: This was /our/ world.

The storm clouds rolled in as he and I faced off, darkened sickness creeping forth as I knew it would once it could sense the snaw fae. A similar aura was pulsing behind me--Sean had forged his way into the Silver as well. Good man. Keeping his promise to protect Winter and take the sickness that infected her realm down.

That left me free to distract Ryodan while the others took care of things. Dare I say, it brought me joy to feel his fist connect with my face, to make his body bruise with each blow I delivered. He cranked my wing around, but I spun into the pull, wrapping him into a feathered cocoon that blinded him long enough to get my hands around his throat.

"That's quite a grip," he said. My fists tightened infinitesimally more. He shouldn't be speaking. "I'll have to tell Dani what a big boy you've become."

With a snarl, my fingers dug into the sides of his neck. He knew that name, that /woman/ had haunted me for years. I felt a warm blanket of blood begin to ooze down my hands.

                        Winter:

Her attention split between the two men and the haunting disease that crept across the horizon to meet them. She did not cower though fear gripped her, power crackled with her emotions, ice spreading from her bare feet and outwards to cover the entire grassy knoll which they stood. Moonbright skin sparkled, the blue of her veins standing out as brightly as the blue of her eyes. She was home and the Silvers pressed power into her, giving her the life the darkness tried to suck away. It was power she extended to Sean, fingers touching his damaged wings, skin and feathers forming along the tattered arches as her touch healed and invigorated the man. There was a life in his eyes, a purpose driven by her own need and a power in his body that pulled the attention of that darkness to him. Away from her long enough that her gaze moved to Christian and Ryo, her anger aimed the wind at the Beast. Ice and sharp winter air cutting at his skin, peeling flesh where she had scarred his left side. Adding to the blood already pooling from the Prince’s hands and giving lift to dark wings as they lifted the Prince and his victim into the air. 

She left them to it, breath catching as the heat of the darkness pulled the chill from her skin. 

                        Christian:

If Christian were here, he would have kept a watchful eye on Winter, on the bait set so perfectly within this plane to entice the inky disease drawing close. But the Scotsman was long gone now, Unseelie Prince taking full control and solely focused on the prey within his grasp. My fingers started to elongate, claws digging through the flesh of Ryodan’s neck. His monstrous hands swung out, boulder-sized fists beating at my sides, but just as quickly, my wings pumped hard, lifting my body up and out of his range. Now he hung from my grip, a noose too tight as his limbs flailed for purchase. The soft, glowing gaze of my immortality lit his face, eyes wide and bloodshot from lack of oxygen.

“I’ll be sure to drop your corpse on Dani’s doorstep when we’re through here,” I hissed, fangs bared to his.

BOOM.

My body flew backward, wings unable to catch me in time as I crashed down a few dozen yards away. Ryodan landed on two feet from where we once hovered, one hand holding the wide gashes in his neck, the other lowering a handgun--smoke still rising from the barrel.

“Cheater,” I snarled.

His mouth opened to speak, but a strange, inhuman noise drew both our attention away from one another. 

                        Winter:

It expanded as it came closer, an inky cloud of nothingness that took over the sky and land. It sucked the life from the land, the sky, tried pulling the life from her. Her silvers. It even muted the echoing crack of a gun, leaving them in near silence. The only sound that of the wind swirling, icy air circling the four protectively. She stood with her hands lifted, the grass frosted beneath their feet, air fogging from their breath as the darkness circles them. 

Fingerlike tendrils reaching out to touch their little bubble of winter and twitching back as bits froze and dropped to dust. It kept touching, kept trying, slamming into this barrier she held until a circle of its remains surround them. Still it came. Weakening her with each push, shrieking in the silence. Demanding. Wanting. She felt its need, its greed.

Her eyes, white with lightning streaks of blue, flicked to Sean. He was remade, standing tall and healed, wrapped in Princely pride and power. Confident. There was even a bit of a smile of the normally sullen features as he gave a nod before stepping in front of her, wings spreading out as one of her hands dropped. Wind rushed inwards, a tornado of winter swirling around them as she let half her barrier drop. Within moments the darkness rushed in, pulled in by the rush of air inward and forced towards Sean. 

She didn’t know how his power worked, how the King had designed this creation but one this disease touched the Prince it was drawn in. She watched in horror as it fought the magnetic pull, as that inky darkness tried to pull away from Sean’s skin. As it was absorbed into him, sucked away until there was nothing left of it but the shadow beneath his skin. It was quiet after. Not the overpowering silence of that haunting thing but the quiet of death. The grass was left darkened and flat, the trees hollowed out and grey, creatures missing from this land. Even the thrum of lift she normally felt beneath her feet was muted. It broke something within her to feel her home, her Silvers so weak. She drew in a deep breath, air catching in her throat as anger and grief swirled within her. She wanted pain and death. Wanted more than this silence, wanted more than the ease of which Sean drew the disease into himself. She wanted blood on her hands and screams in her ears. Those white eyes turned towards Ryodan as he still stood, staring at Sean and she started towards him, cloak slipping off her shoulders as her skin started to darken into a deep blue. She wanted his blood. His screams. Wanted to feed him to her Silvers for strength. 

                        Christian:

Both Ryodan and I watched in horror as the monstrous bacteria poked and prodded its way inside the cocoon of ice Winter had built up around us. We were too far away to reach her, it was simple physics. But the broad chest of Sean appeared, blocking the snaw fae with his mighty chest and wings. He looked...more alive than I’d ever seen him, his hands out and ready to catch the disease as it nose-dived for Winter. As the darkness cloaked him, trying to pull back from the magnetism that he used to merge himself with the sickness, it squealed and shrieked in terror. But Sean was Disease, a Horseman, and an Unseelie Prince. We held all the power these Silvers bore, and soon it was all over, his body twitching as the virus succumbed to the pull and settled beneath his skin.

I crawled to my feet, chest sore from the bullet that had penetrated my organs. My wings dragged behind me, body intent on conserving all available energy to heal. Next to me, Ryodan had yanked off a sleeve from his shirt, using it to try and clot the bleeding from his neck. His head jerked back as we all saw Winter take off towards him, murderous intent in her eyes as sharp as the icy chill that ran down my spine.

With a yell, I ordered my uncles to complete the spell, opening all Silvers once again. I inserted myself between Winter and Ryodan, catching her at a full sprint in my arms, using my wings to catch us from falling like a parachute. Ryodan was smart enough to leap out of the way. And Sean, in full sync with his fellow Unseelie Prince now, drew a freshly opened Silver towards us and sent Ryodan through it with a swift kick to the gut. Then we withdrew, Sean leading the way and myself with Winter in my arms, all the way back out onto the grassy fields of Scotland. It was only there, once I had the snaw fae safely out of the circle of Druids and across the way from Sean, did I release her.

                        Winter:

She snarled and fought as she was caught in the arms of her prince, head tilting back as she slipped to mid-shift and mouth opening on a banshee’s scream. She was overwhelmed with anger, with grief at the weakness of her home, with the power that now surged through her after such a period without. There was a storm that raged inside of her, wanting to be free and released and she was held back from aiming that turmoil towards the person that betrayed her. That cut away a piece of her and left her home vulnerable and dying. 

Dagger like claws cut at Christian and her razor teeth bit into the flesh of his arm as she fought, only settling when removed from the Silvers and the scent of humans, of the druids, pierced her raging. Then she collapsed, claws become nails as her beastly blue skin paled to snow white but they still dug into him, her teeth still caught at his flesh as she shuddered. Still caught in a storm of emotion, tears of rage freezing down her cheeks. And perhaps tears of relief. They were wiped aside as she was released, her back turned to Sean and the druids, facing Christian only. 

“You denied me his blood.” She wanted to taste it, feel it. Ryodan deserved to give a life for what he had done to her, to the Silvers. She was no longer blinded by the pure rage but she was distracted with the need, too distracted to truly notice anything outside of herself and the Prince. 

                        Christian:

I understood the need for revenge, for vengeance when wronged by another. I’d spent many nights obsessed with tearing down the Crimson Hag for the months of torture she bestowed upon me. I wanted to pick her a part, cell by cell, as she had me, then watch her slowly regenerate, only to be flayed again when healed enough. Winter would have her day with Ryodan eventually. But right now, we couldn’t spare any other distractions or else risk our work becoming undone. There could be more of the Nine coming through the Silvers. It wasn’t worth the risk.

As I carefully let go of Winter, her claws and teeth kept her attached to my body. She’d clamped down like an angry wolf, unwilling to let go of whatever creature was foolish enough to allow himself to be caught by her. Folly I embraced in this moment, cupping her snowy skin to tilt her head up towards me. My blood lingered on her lips, which I carefully thumbed away. 

“Denied you his blood, aye. Take mine instead, snaw fae.”

Knowing the beast she could become enticed the Unseelie Prince lurking below the surface. Knowing the blood she could spill with ease--aye, those teeth had cut through my flesh with latent violence that was reserved for the most cunning of creatures. Knowing she wished to punish Ryodan for his betrayal sent a rush of desire through my veins. My mouth opened to suggest she take out every blood-thirsty urge on me instead. Ryodan didn’t deserve her touch, loving or ferocious. Instead, a strange silence caught my attention instead. My uncles had finished and were waiting quietly with Sean on the other side of the circle.

                        Winter:

She snapped at his finger like a feral animal, ragged, icy puffs of air escaping as she tried to go for his throat. She wanted more of the blood that coated her teeth and tongue, that warmed the tips of her fingers and painted crimson lines along her pale skin. But his attention shifted from her, pulling a grunt of annoyance from her. Her gaze, still a glowing white, shifted to find what had taken away her Prince’s attention, a crackling growl ripping from her throat at the sight of another Prince, of the druids. All having been forgotten in this moment with the Unseelie that touched and held her.  

Logic prodded at the animal haze that had blanketed her mind and her head pulled back, away from his touch, blue bleeding back into her eyes as her sides heaved. Deep, calming breaths forced into her lungs as she was caught under the wary gazes of the MacKeltar clan. And Sean, interest in the now healthy and healed Prince’s gaze. It was with difficulty that she pulled her cold facade back into place as she gripped her bloody hands in tight fists and fought down the need to pin Her Prince to the ground. To sink her teeth into his flesh once more and feel his violence. His blood. To fight. To fuck. Her gaze cut back to Christian, swaying towards him slightly before she slowly and deliberately moved away. Her tongue curling out over her teeth to suck away his blood, tip of her tongue touching the corners of her mouth to lick it clean before she forced her focus on the now. On finishing what they had all started. 

She straightened, shoulders going back and chin lifted slightly before she slipped out of Christian’s orbit and towards the others. There was a fog that blanketed the knoll and it rushed up to curl around her legs and cling to the skirt of her dress as she walked back into the circle. The wind rushed through the trees to twist around her, winding between the druids and then around Sean. Her brow furrowed at the forest’s odd behavior but it didn’t stop her from reaching out, fingers brushing over the horseman’s forearm. They would need skin contact to focus the disease into an artifact, she’d heard of his lack of control. His hatred for his new self. And before he would have been weak, picked apart by his own fingers. Now he surged with power. And when her fingers touched his skin the darkness surged as well. His flesh blackened and rippled, inky tendrils trying to force out of his skin to grip at her fingers and hand. The wind caught dark, recently healed wings and forced them open and filled them with air. The fog rushed up, icy and thick to hide her from his view. She was pushed back and away from the Darkness and Disease before it could touch her, infect her. 

                        Christian:

It was with great restraint that my hands stayed at my sides, wings down, feet planted as Winter moved away from me and towards the others. The urge to trap her in my embrace and disappear for a few hours--nights--weeks--of indulgence, of raw fucking that would strip us both bare was almost too much for both the Scotsman and the Unseelie Prince. They stared one another down inside my psyche, measuring up, daring the other to step up and dominate. 

Which is how at first I missed what was happening. Winter had moved back into the circle to assist my uncles and Sean placing the fae disease into the relic we chose. As she drew close to Disease, the forest rebelled, swirling wind and fog rushing around her form. Sean’s hand reached for her, his veins black under his skin, the darkness pulsing hard to meet her. It slipped out through the pores of his skin, entrails dancing towards her, happy to find home in her flesh once again.

Then the atmosphere shifted, a thick cloud closing them off from each other, the moorish storm pushing the snaw fae back from danger. I was there in an instant, in between the threat and Winter.

“You cannae touch her, Sean,” I said to him, an arm up at the ready to defend if needed. But he had managed to hold his control, shoulders back and wings flaccid. This was a predicament. We needed Winter to help implant the sickness, but she couldn’t touch Sean or it would escape into her form once again. That could not happen.

I looked over at my uncles, their expressions flustered and without answers.

“I can hold it,” Sean said suddenly.

My head spun back around. “Are you sure? Just hours ago you were weak with your own self-pity. And now you are strong enough to contain this darkness?”

“Yes,” his head lifted. There was something more to him since we entered the Silvers. He’d found an anchor of some sort, a focus to keep him from descending over the cliffs into madness.

“Is that… can he do that?” I looked back to my uncles, glancing briefly at Winter.

“He is Disease,” my father lifted his shoulders. He wasn’t sure. Neither was I.  I looked back at Winter.

“What do you say, snaw fae?” I asked her. “Your word is all that matters.”

                        Winter:

It was like a switch had been flicked. The rage and thirst for blood had already been tamped down when she forced herself away from Her Prince but it nearly disappeared when that darkness almost touched her. Though her heart hammered against her chest and her fingers were clamped around where that sickness almost touched her, the mask of cool indifference was firmly in place. Her wintery gaze roamed over Sean, weighing his strength and worth and ignoring the sick, twisted sensation that swam through her. She would not be distracted by the possibility of being infected once more. Of being weak and feverish.

Instead, she imagined the darkness moving within this Prince, the Horseman. Pestilence and disease reincarnated. She imagined it was staring back at her from its new confines, could feel its gaze on her skin. It was then that she saw it for what it was, a growing, living creature. Another creation of Father’s and the Unseelie realm. She knew, it had grown too fat and greedy to be held within the relic they had chosen and it would not lie dormant. It would fight its confines and needed a cage that would fight back.  

Tricolored, blue eyes shifted to focus on Sean’s face for a moment before they turned to Christian, allowing herself to move a step back as an excuse to focus on Her Prince. She was not trying to distance herself from the disease or its prison. No. She moved back one more step, fingers pressing against her skin, imagining she could feel the warmth of that near touch. “We healed him, the Silvers and I. His body is strong enough to hold this sickness, we can only hope his mind is strong enough to fight it.”

Prenup From Hell - Chapter One

How Des Does It

The studio lights were glaring, their heat beating down on the kitchen studio, and so bright Desmond was surprised you couldn’t see the bones beneath his skin. If he hadn’t had years of practice in front of them and the drone cameras that were hovering and dashing around him to get the right angle, he might be sweating. But instead he was relaxed, comfortable and smiling at the camera to his right and continued to cut a pair of carrots into perfect discs. He knew Morgan, his director, wouldn’t let one of the cameras in his net take a bad shot, and it’d been at least two years since he’d gotten one caught in his hair. Without looking at his hands, and the very sharp knife he was using, each slice was nearly the same thickness as the others in the growing pile of bright orange on the cutting board.

“I know this is a simple recipe, and everyone thinks they know how to make a good stew. But wait until you taste mine.” He leaned closer to the camera and flashed his trademarked grin. “It’ll be our secret that you copied how Des does it.”

The studio audience, who he could barely see through the bright lights, chanted his motto right back at him. His smile grew brighter at the sound of their voices, as he gathered up the carrots to toss them into the simmering stew. Unlike the viewers at home, the live audience would get to watch every step of his creation without any commercial breaks or interruptions. It was fun for them, and Des did his best to be as entertaining as possible. It was also good for video sales later when the network bundled the entire season together for sale with the ‘live audience’ treatment for the viewer.

He loved the attention, and in the middle of his studio kitchen Des was happy. He was the king of the castle. The network made a bundle on the advertising and product placement on his show. His own line of home decorating and cooking utensils were sold in the better department stores across the country, and howdesdoesit.com had over 20 thousand hits a week. His cookbooks were best sellers, and he loved every second of it. He’d be filming his Thanksgiving special soon, and he couldn’t wait to be up to his elbows in stuffing the turkey and making cranberry sauce from scratch.

The light on the camera turned off and Morgan’s voice popped into his ear. “We’re in commercial, Des. You’ve got five minutes to make your adoring fans adore you more.”

“As if that was humanly possible,” he said quietly enough that only Morgan could hear him. Des took a breath and grabbed a cold glass of white wine from the counter and took a long drink. He grinned over the lip of the glass at the audience and held it up in a toast before stepping from the ‘kitchen’ into the open area of the stage.

“Does anyone want to ask me a question?” He asked as Morgan brought the lights up over the audience. In the control room, Des knew that Morgan’s fingers would be flying over the keys of his computers and control panels, making magic in ways Desmond would never figure out nor had need to. The answered questions would be lumped together and featured at the end of the show during its broadcast even though they took place off and on during the commercial breaks along the way.

“When is your husband going to be on the show?” A woman asked. Des ran his thumb over the band of gold on his ring finger and hoped that Morgan made sure not to catch the sadness that crept into his eyes on camera. There was no privacy when he was on the sound stage. Hell, there was no privacy for him anywhere most of the time.

“Not any time soon. Nicky’s very busy with a big case right now, and he won’t be able to break away.” Nick hadn’t been seen in public with Des in months. Nick was avoiding him. Des knew it, and Nick knew that Des knew it. He told Des he was too busy with his big murder case, defending some politician that had supposedly killed his wife. Nick didn’t know if the man was guilty or innocent, and he didn’t care. Nick told Des that it wasn’t his job to know the truth. It was his job to make sure his client went free whether they were guilty or not.

Des didn’t mind. It was that moral ambiguity that drew Nick Ambrose to the law, and it was his skills that helped him move up in Des’ father’s law firm as fast as he had. Nick was a full partner now, and Des couldn’t be more proud of him. It was always nice to have your family approve of your significant other. Christian O’Neal had given his blessing the second he found out the two were involved much to Des’ surprise. His father had harped at him for ages about finding just the right man—or woman—someone who had influence, money and power. But he’d liked Nick enough to hire and promote him, so Des assumed that was reason enough for it to be OK that they were in love.

Nick was also a lot more fun than his last husband had been although Aaron had made his life possible being the owner of the Food Channel. Des was qualified, he was attractive, and people liked him, but it didn’t hurt to have Aaron’s support on his way to the top. That break up had been amazingly polite once the news got out about their relationship falling apart. Neither Des nor Aaron could afford for the press to find out how ugly things got behind closed doors. Des rubbed the spot on his chest where a thin sliver of a scar marred his skin. It was almost gone, barely there, but Des could feel it still.

“That’s too bad,” the woman continued, and the audience clapped to show that they agreed with her. “You two are adorable together.”

“You mean I’m not adorable without him?” Des put on a fake pout that made the audience laugh and the woman blushed. “I’ll have to work on that.” Des knew he was adorable with his nearly black hair, heavy brows and piercing dark eyes. Nick’s bronze and coffee complexion and more muscular frame made them a striking couple, and Des did miss being seen on the scene with Nick more than he wanted to admit.

“I better get back to the stew,” he told them as he crossed back to the kitchen to stir the pot and get to work on the next step in his recipe. He still had the dessert to put together and then after they were done shooting for the day, he had to go to a book signing in Pasadena.

***

“Bet you’re glad to be done,” Morgan’s voice said, over the mic in Desmond’s smart glasses. He was forever thankful for modern technology that let you carry on a conversation with someone no one else could see or hear, and not a single person thought you were crazy because of it.

“You have no idea. I had to park at the ends of the earth,” Des said as he made his way through the twisted levels of the mall parking lot. His wrist was tired from signing over a hundred of his books new and old for his fans. Even in their high tech paperless world, real books were still something that people wanted to have so he’d divided his time signing the inside covers of the real thing and jotting his autograph on e-reader pads for the rest. He had an iced mocha from Starbucks in one hand and his messenger bag slung over his shoulder. His glasses were tinted dark, but they did nothing to hide his distinctive features.

“Bitch, bitch, bitch,” Morgan answered. “You could’ve let me send you in a nice car with a driver, but you said ‘no’.”

“I always say ‘no’. It’s the control freak in me. There’s my car. I don’t need my passport to get it after all.” Des loved to drive, and no matter how late he was running he’d opted to take his own car to the book signing. He knew he was a better driver than most, believing that offensive driving instead of defensive was the key, and he had barely made it to the bookstore with time to spare after finding a space to park.

“Morgan? Helloooo?” When his connection with Morgan turned to a static hiss, Des stiffened. Calls with Morgan were never cut off. Morgan could hack any system, which meant that he could jump from one carrier to another to keep the call going. Des was sure that he’d have access to the clouds if there was a planet wide blackout. If he couldn’t reach him, something bad must have happened.

He was about to call someone else to check on Morgan when a knife sank into his kidney and twisted upward. He was slammed against the side of his sleek black Porsche. Mocha and blood splattered on the grease covered cement as Des fell with a cry onto his hands and knees as he gasped for breath. White hot pain blinded him. His glasses fell off his face and skittered under the car. Another wave of pain hit when the assassin twisted the knife one more time before yanking it free.

Des glanced at the reflection in the almost mirror like finish of his car’s paint, and watched as the assassin reached to grab his hair with gloved hands covered in blood—his blood. The pain and the rage were vying for dominance, and Des knew he was fighting a losing battle to keep control. And losing control in such a public place was more dangerous than the dick with the knife.

“I don’t like behind stabbed,” he growled. “It fucking hurts. And you, asshole, will be paying for it for eternity.” Des’ fingers dug into the blacktop and long claws sprouted from his fingertips, tearing gouges in the pavement as he surged to his feet. His elbow shot back, catching the killer in the throat, and Des spun around with a snarl, his mouth filled with long sharp teeth. Heavy black wings spread from his back, blocking the lights as the shadows came to surround Des and his would-be assassin.

“What the fuck!” The assassin said, as he tried to scramble away, his legs shaking too much for him to manage to run away instead of moving back. He was a burly guy, and the knife looked small in his hand. He was wearing black on black on black, the choice of killers everywhere who wanted to hide bloodstains, but his face was nearly white as a ghost’s. The guy tried to duck between a pair of cars, but Des’ shadows wrapped around him like a blanket, holding his limbs in place. “What are you?”

“I’m a demon, shithead, a pissed off, tired, demon who really wanted that coffee,” Des said with a grin. He knew that he was scary although not as frightening as he’d be if he’d lost all of his human form. The teeth, wings and claws were enough to scare the piss out of most people, including this guy, as the stink of urine joining the other noxious odors of the garage told. He stalked forward, the tip of one leathery wing knocking one of the sprinklers that lined the ceiling loose, sending a spray of rusty water down on them. He grabbed the assassin by the front of his shirt and lifted him from the ground, slamming him into a cement column hard enough to leave cracks in it. Des’ lips curled back from his teeth as he threw the assassin into the inky darkness. He watched as it devoured the man, leaving nothing behind but the stink of tar and sulfur in the air.

“Really, Nicky? You’ll have to do better next time.” He rolled his eyes as he shrugged his shoulders and his demon form faded away. The water from the sprinklers had soaked him through, plastering his hair to his forehead, and he swore as he ran his palm over the car’s door to open the locks. He had to get on his hands and knees to rescue his glasses before he shoved his messenger bag in the passenger seat. Looking down he watched as the drops washed away the coffee and blood. He picked up the cup and slipped it into the small trash bag he kept in the car. He couldn’t leave even that small amount of evidence.

“Des! What happened?” Morgan demanded when Des called him after he started the car.

“Nick finally tried to kill me,” Des said, sounding much calmer than he actually was. His hands were shaking, and he felt horrible. Guilt was churning in his stomach—not because of what he’d done to the killer—he had it coming. Des hated that he’d pushed Nick to the point of murder.

“I’m assuming you’re OK, since you’re calling.”

“There’s no mess. The guy had some tech that blocked my calls. I don’t know if it blocked anything else, so can you make sure the mall security cameras are wiped, please? I don’t need the wings to show up on the evening news.”

“Piece of cake, boss, I’ll take care of you.”

***

Des was fuming. He tapped his wedding ring against the hardwood of his steering wheel as he dodged through LA traffic. The heater in the car was doing its best to dry his sodden shirt. He’d roll down the window, but he didn’t want anyone to see and recognize him. What Des wanted was revenge.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He scrubbed at his face while he waited for the light to change and slumped in the seat. The last time had been easy. He’d seen Aaron Maxwell giving an interview on television, and Des knew that he was the one. He’d spent a year watching and researching his target, attending seminars and going to school to perfect his culinary skills. He loved cooking. It was something that he’d learned over the centuries since he’d been placed on Earth to tempt various people into signing away their souls.

Des knew more about Aaron than Aaron knew about himself, and he’d made himself the best cook that he could possibly be. Catching Aaron’s eye had been easy. Des had tried out for a competitive cooking program where the winner would get his own show on the network, but while Des went out of his way to win, it wasn’t to get on television; it was to wrap Aaron Maxwell around his little finger. Des won on both counts. He got his first show on the Food Channel, and six months later, he was living with Aaron.

Des’ father, Christian, had objected to the union, saying that Des could do better than some guy who ran a niche cable channel, but Des went out of his way to prove to his father that Aaron’s influence was just what the Upper (or Lower) Management wanted and needed.

The courtship was short and high profile. The problems started the day after Aaron put a ring on Des’ finger. Des was very good at the game of love and hate. He focused on being the dutiful partner in public for all of three months while doing his best behind the scenes to pick away at Aaron to make the man hate him. It took six more months before Aaron put a knife between his ribs to kill him in his sleep.

He hadn’t wanted to, but Des had been doing the same thing to Nick. He’d gone out of his way to drive Nick crazy—pushing his buttons until he’d snapped. Des shifted in the seat, still feeling the sting of his flesh working to knit from the knife wound. It had been deep and savage, and it would take time to finish healing. The wound in his chest where Aaron had stabbed him in his sleep had taken much less time

That’s how it was supposed to be. He made Aaron love him. Then he made Aaron kill him with his own hand, and then Management got his soul.

They weren’t supposed to hire killers! They were supposed to do it themselves with their own hands. They especially weren’t supposed to do it in a public place where Des would have to give up his current life. Aaron’s murder had been perfection. No one saw what he did other than Desmond, and now he had a piece of the man’s soul, while Hell held the majority. Aaron was thankful not to end up in prison, and he still got to run his network as long as he took care of Des’ needs first.

“Goddamn it Nick, can’t you do anything the way you’re supposed to?” Des shouted within the confines of the car.

He and Dominic Ambrose got married three years ago after a six-month courtship. They’d been on television, on the cover of magazines and making a sensation in the blog-o-sphere where Des’ celebrity and Nick’s good looks made them stars. Des made sure that Nick wanted him, needed him, and that he loved him with all his heart and soul. Or what there was of his soul considering he was a shark in a five-thousand dollar Italian suit.

They’d signed an ironclad prenup that would cost them millions if they got divorced, and the greedy shark wasn’t about to cut loose on half of his belongings in adherence to California’s Communal Property Law, which was just fine with Des since the game had to end with death not that Nick knew that part. He’d read the contract where they’d promised not to be unfaithful or to betray each other in any other way—including a lovely clause about not attempting to harm each other physically. Apparently Nick thought that meant it was OK to hire some thug to do his dirty work for him.

Des’ dark eyes scanned the display that ran behind his glasses, allowing him to turn the music up higher, and then he went about casually placing an order at his favorite grocer for the fixings for a grand meal. He ordered a prime rib with all the trimmings, Nick’s favorite, and he couldn’t wait to see the look on his husband’s face when he walked into their penthouse and smelled the meat roasting. Especially when the asshole thought that he’d finally gotten rid of his ball and chain. It was a cliché, but the best revenge was living well and pretending that everything was just fine.

He was dried off enough that no one noticed when he went into the grocery store to pick up his order. When he got home, he parked his car in his spot after the building’s computer let him in, and he was met at the elevator by one of the doormen who helped him take the shopping up to the penthouse. The staff loved him. Des treated them well, letting them sample cookies, cakes and other treats when he experimented in his kitchen at home. It was important for people to like him.

The demon thrived on their attention and affection, and Des liked being a nice guy. What he was, was evil. Who he was, wasn’t. He missed getting that kind of affection from Nick, but that was how the game went. Their love had turned to hatred, and while that made him more powerful, it didn’t taste as good.

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of LOVE & SEX

I was raised Christian by my grandparents. Through elementary I went to a Catholic school. We moved to a place that didn’t have a Catholic middle school, so I went to public school for the first time. Throughout the first few weeks I’d occasionally get asked, “Who’s on top?” I had no idea what they were talking about until someone clued me in that it was about sex.

I heard a lot of sex jokes that I didn’t understand at all. I laughed along because I was too embarrassed to admit that I knew absolutely nothing about sex, or even what a girl looked like naked for that matter. I didn’t even know what a vagina was or looked like.

Near the end of my first semester in public school curiosity got the better of me. I didn’t know the word “porn” yet, but I’d heard of Playboy, so I typed in playboy.com and saw pictures of boobs for the first time in my life. Although it wasn’t the first time my penis had felt that tingling sensation, it was the first time it had become fully erect. My natural instincts kicked in to stimulate my upright member with my hand until something unexpected happened. The exhilaration of that first time, a buildup of pleasure leading to some unknown event but being excited instead of afraid of whatever was about to happen. When I finally exploded it was the best feeling I’d ever had in my life... and I immediately felt like a horrible person. I had sinned.

Over winter break my grandmother offered to homeschool me. She didn’t like the effect that public school had on me between bullies and me feeling brave enough to cuss here and there. I agreed mostly to get away from the sexually toxic environment of middle school, but also because I hated waking up early every morning.

I was homeschooled through the rest of middle and high school, but I never stopped masterbating. It only got worse, and the worse it got the more I hated myself. It didn’t help that I never managed get a girlfriend, so I never had the opportunity to go too far and actually experience sex itself. It remained life’s greatest mystery. It seemed as though there was a whole other world on the other side of virginity that I couldn’t be a part of. Add to that the ambivalence of wanting sex more than anything yet it also being my greatest source of self-hatred.

When I was 19 I was rejected by a girl who seemed to really like me, but gave a bullshit reason why she couldn’t be with me. I deducted the lie was due to me being physically unattractive. On that day I dedicated myself to physical excellence. I also determined that 8 years of suffering from the guilt of lust was over. Instead I embraced my sexuality. Between my newfound self-acceptance and getting into peak physical condition a year later I was finally appealing to the opposite sex.

I finally had a girlfriend, and she was smoking hot! I never dreamed I could get with a girl this damn good looking. We were intimate over clothes, but never managed to have a private moment alone since we both lived with our parents. After several months when the opportunity presented itself... I couldn’t get hard. Why the fuck wasn’t I able to get hard!?! This girl was hotter than hell and slobbering on my limp noodle, but all I could think about was how she told me how it takes a lot of stamina to get her off... and how her ex had A LOT of stamina. I was experiencing crippling performance anxiety. Of course I had no idea what that was at the time, and neither did she. She suspected I was gay and broke up with me.

I turned 22 a month later and I was desperate to lose my virginity. I found on craigslist a hetero couple that was looking for a virgin to break in. The woman had lost her virginity in a threesome and wanted to pass along the experience. First the boyfriend met me at the designated motel room to make sure I checked out for safety reasons. He was a very outgoing and muscular like a damn bodybuilder. In my head the intimidation factor was setting in. When she arrived she was so sweet and easy on the eyes I thought maybe I could turn my head around and follow through with this. We took our clothes off and got in bed.

She took my into her mouth and my cock began to swell. My heart was racing. This was finally going to happen. After putting a condom on me she turned around and spread her pussy open with her fingers. I moved forward and entered into another person. I immediately hated the fact that I was wearing a condom. It was a sensation leaps and bounds better than my right hand for sure. However, I could tell there was still an experience that I was missing out on by using a rubber. Snap out of it! Focus on what does feel good about it.

Her boyfriend was caressing her and squeezing her breasts with his insanely bulky arms. I was in really good shape, but nothing like this guy. I never directly looked at it, but his cock was within my peripheral and it was impossible not to notice it’s stiffness and size. How could I possibly satisfy a woman who’s used to being with that when I don’t even have any idea what I’m even doing? Feeling of being inferior crept into my mind and my sex drive powered down. In less than a minute intercourse my penis had loss the will to live.

After some frustrating attempts to get back what was lost I excused myself to the bathroom to try in private, out of sight of Arnold Schwarzenegger. During my futile struggle I could hear them in the other room, shaking the bed, headboard banging against the wall, her screaming with ever thrust... there was no way I was gonna get it up again at this point. After they finished we shared an awkward farewell and parted ways. As sideways as the affair went I still felt accomplished. I had lifted the veil concealing the secret world that the rest of the world lived in and I was finally a part of it. Sort of. Enough.

Months later I had a new girlfriend. She was a short black girl who had several partners before me and lost her virginity at a young age. Like always there was a legacy of past conquests I had to outshine, overcome, and outperform. Like with my first girlfriend we both lived with our parents and had nowhere private to go to try to have sex. There was so much sexual tension that we just parked the car on a curbside and had at it. Deja vu, I couldn’t get it up, but she didn’t give up like my first girlfriend did. About the third or fourth time on that curbside and I finally maintained enough wood to proceed to intercourse. Even though I was still using a condom I was able to orgasm with a partner for the first time. The next time on that curbside an officer came by and told us not to come back. We had sex when and where we could, but locations and opportunities were limited.

When she moved for college she was only an hour away and had her own bedroom. I drove up to be with her and experienced true freedom for the first time. We had a room all to ourselves with no fear of interruption or getting in trouble for being together. We even stopped using condoms, opting for me to pull out and cum on her instead or, if we were feeling really stupid, trusting her birth control and cumming inside her. I became addicted to condomless sex. We even fucked 12 times in a 24hr period once, but I’m sure we could have easily broken that record if we were actually trying.

Over the summer I started falling hard for a girl I worked with. Now, I had heard of polyamory before and considered that it might describe me. Although I had strong feelings for both girls I knew both were strongly monogamous, so it became a choice of one or the other. With how strongly I felt about the new girl I knew I had to choose her, and I broke the other girl’s heart. Over the summer I was deeply in love with this new girl. I dare say, to this day, I’m not sure if I ever loved anyone more than her.

I don’t know if the sex was mind-blowing because of how our bodies fit together or because of how madly in love with her I was. I suspect it was a lot of both though. It was undoubtedly the best sex I’ve had in my life. When she moved across the country for school we agreed to an open relationship. Although we had slightly different ideas of what an open relationship should be we agreed that sex with other people was okay.

I remember she told me she didn’t expect to be with anyone for a good long time after moving, that she’d remain satisfied for several months at least. A couple weeks later she admitted that she slept with someone for pot. That was a bit of a blow to my confidence, but I shrugged it off. I guess if it was just for pot than I wouldn’t be too offended by it. A few weeks later it was some other guy she slept with. Jealousy reared it’s ugly head.

It’s not difficult at all for an attractive girl to get laid. Guys... we have to try much MUCH harder, even if we’re fit and good looking (which I was). I decided to see if a girl I had a crush on at work would be interested in a fwb situation. She was indeed interested and I was no longer the sexless half of an ldr.

One day my girl across country (Let’s call her NY) told me about a guy who invited her and her friends to join him and his friends to his big city penthouse. She went into detail about how she slept with him and how he had the biggest dick she’d ever seen or had inside of her. My jealousy smashed through the roof when she told me that. Later that week when my fwb (let’s call her Boston) admitted to me that she was poly and wanted a more romantic relationship with me I jumped at the chance. At the time, in the moment, I mostly did it because of how jealous NY had made me. That being said, I did truly have deep feelings for her and was desperate to experience a real polyamorous relationship for once. Problem was NY wasn’t poly, and she was never okay with the arrangement.

In a form of counter-jealousy NY began to see her own fwb on a more personal basis. She would tell me about how muscular he was, how good he was in bed, how she and her roommate wanted to have a threesome with him (which was my greatest fantasy that I wanted to do with her), and how he had a real-people job and made real-people money and wore real-people clothes. Our jealous actions went tit for tat. Meanwhile I was trying to maintain a relationship with Boston. In hindsight I should have let NY go and focused on my relationship with Boston. Not only would that have made more logical sense, but I believe it would have been a much better outcome for everyone involved. Of course, that’s not what I did. In fact, I did quite the opposite.

Boston and I had a “mutual” breakup. I put mutual in quote marks because although we both verbally agreed to dissolve the relationship I’m fairly certain that neither of us really wanted to give up what we had. She moved soon after that to a new city and a fresh start. Meanwhile, I flew out to spend a week with NY to try to salvage the relationship, but the damage was done. In the end I lost two women who I loved very much and I spiralled into depression ashamed of my polyamorous nature.

Apparently I’m a bit demisexual and my sex drive towards a person builds as I become more familiar with them. Ergo, as I attempted a slew of one night stands I needed assistance in the form of a pill (now discontinued sadly). I decided fwb were more convenient as I didn’t want to always rely on pills for a good time and I successfully had a few fwb. With some the sex was uncomfortable and awkward, with others the sex was fantastic. One fwb developed into a relationship. She was an older woman (which I was more than happy about) with a healthy sex drive that I made some great bedroom memories with.

Although I really did love her my poly nature came out again as I began to crush on a classmate. My girlfriend, although not fully polyamorous, liked the idea of poly husbandry (her having multiple partners) so there was a polyamorous nature to her. However, I didn’t want to risk a prolonged attempt at a forced poly relationship that would only end in disaster (as I had experienced before), so I made the declaration that we were over. She accused me of giving up without giving her a chance to make the poly thing work, and she was right. I loved her. I should have given her the opportunity to try. Even if it would have been rocky for a while I think we really could have made it work, but we’ll never know since I pulled the plug. One more bullet point on my list of regrets.

I got involved with the classmate for the semester. She was the only girlfriend I ever regretted getting involved with. For starters I drastically downgraded from the quality of partner I’d just had. She was very much a leech, she wanted all of my attention and affection yet gave very little in return. Sex was all but non-existent. She consistently berated me and demanded way too much of my time. I was so relieved when I finally dumped her. After her there was one short lived fwb period before I met the girl I would marry (we’ll simply call her J).

I grew up knowing J but until now the age gap would have made a romantic relationship awkward. I became her first decent boyfriend and we moved our relationship very quickly. I honestly felt that I could be content being monogamous with J, so no longer would I bare the shame of polyamory. A year later as we were a week out from our wedding date she told me about a guy at her theater that she liked. However, her feelings for him didn’t make her feel anything less toward me, so she understood my polyamorous nature. We agreed that we would try at a polyamorous marriage.

Her boyfriend ended up breaking her heart badly. On top of that, she learned from her time with him (supposedly) that sex could be less painful and more enjoyable than it was with me, apparently. After that the rate that we had sex was greatly reduced, and she would ask me to cum quickly so she wouldn’t have to endure the pain, and we could only do it in a certain position. All of this just made me feel guilty for having sex with her like I was abusing her, so often I didn’t even want to try. I would have just gotten a fwb to relieve my sexual frustration with but I had just started showing genital warts and was told by the doctor that I’m stuck with it for a year then they’ll go away on their own.

A year passed and the warts were still there. Meanwhile J had a new boyfriend who she was having sex with all the fucking time. Even in our own apartment she was having sex with him way more than her and I were. For the three months before our lease ended while we never had sex even once it seemed as though they were having sex there daily. When our lease ended we were in debt and not able to afford the apartment on our own, so her boyfriend offered to rent a room to us, that way we could be close by all the time. It seemed like a win win at the time. We had no idea how badly every one of us was about to lose.

In the next couple months the jealousy and fear of being replaced by the boyfriend mounted. When she had a choice at the end of the day she almost always chose to be with her boyfriend. The ONLY time she ever spent the night with me was when she needed a break from sex. How fucking reassuring...

We eventually had a deep conversation where she basically told me that she realized that she didn’t love me the way she thought she did and that our marriage was over. We agreed to one last night together as partners without even attempting sex and she agreed. The next morning she woke up next to me in bed and went straight across the house to have sex with the boyfriend. That was the reality I woke up to. I broke in that moment. That was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. She explained to me that she wasn’t thinking and just going through the routine. Honestly that made things worse. I was her partner for 3 years and I wasn’t even a part of her routine. I moved out that day. I stayed with my biological father until I got into my own apartment within the week.

I was surprised at how well I was doing from the seperation. I think a large part of me was unhappy in the relationship, but those were more logistical matters: the fact that she didn’t work yet would go on shopping sprees and the lack of sex being the two big complaints. But I loved her dearly. She was my best friend ever and I lost her because one day she woke up and just stopped loving me all of a sudden.

This separation happened about 2 months ago. Since then I’ve been trying to figure out how the hell I’m ever going to trust in the notion of love again. It seems no matter how much I believe someone loves me it could all be retracted in an instant. All my life I just wanted to find a love that would remain constant, someone who I love and who would love me til death do us part like the promise we made when we got married. The feeling is best summed up by the line in the song All Alright by fun., “I came back with the belief that everyone I love is gonna leave me.” The best I’ve been able to convince myself of is that she was simple too young and inexperienced to really know what she wanted. As long the next person who pledges their life-long love to me has been around the block and had some time to refine their needs then I should be alright.

A couple weeks ago I met a girl who may be just that. The timing with this new girl has been shit though. For starters, I’m still raw from my failed marriage. Add to that there is traveling partner of hers that just came back to town after our first date together, so naturally she’d trying to make the most of the time they have available to them. I’m not looking to yet again and so soon put myself in a situation where I’m feeling inferior to someone who seems to have a stronger connection to target of my own affections. I’ve hit the pause button on my feelings for her while he’s here so I don’t put myself through that while I’m still recovering from such a similar situation.

Aside from the divorce and her timing with her partner I’m still working on getting rid of the warts. Since I met her in joining the sex positive kink community it does indeed make me feel quite useless to her and anyone else I could potentially get involved with if I can’t even have sex. To top it off I am SO ready to have amazing sex again. At the moment even decent vanilla sex would be a marked improvement over the past 4 years. Once I get my green light that I’m clean and can be sexually active again I want to work on getting my sex life back to how good it once was... nay, better! It’s a goal I am looking forward to, but while I’m still enduring the warts the sexual tension is mounting to the point of nearly unbearable.

Luckily I know what the warts are and how best to treat them. It’s now a matter of keeping diligent with my treatment until they stay gone for good. I’m near the end of the road at least. The time period for them to naturally clear is approaching the max limit. On top of that, with my treatments, I’m down to only showing one or two at a time between treatments. When they are down to zero and stay down for a solid month then it’s a good sign that I’m clear. Three months clear would confirm that I‘m clear. So even if no more warts appear as of today I’m still looking at a 1-3 month wait before having sex. I don’t think I can hold out much longer.

Now, this post is about LOVE & SEX. I wrapped up sex first because I’m a hopeless romantic and I want the last takeaway to be on the topic of love since that is far more important to me. First I need to backtrack to include some information. While I was married a lot of friends and family found out about our being poly. Due to the judgemental religious nature of most everyone I know I have lost a lot of family ties and friends, some who were among my closest friends. Of those who don’t know yet I fear that they too would abandon me if they knew, and I feel as though I’ve lost them already. I’m currently down to one friend in this entire world who I can turn to and... get this... she got married the week after my wife and I seperated. Needless to say a guy getting divorced and woman who just got married makes for an interesting mix. We’ve been able to talk and hang out a couple times, but our ability to do so is limited.

So where does that leave me? The girl I’m crushing on is preoccupied with another partner, my only friend in this world is preoccupied with being a newlywed, my soon to be ex wife who I still consider a friend is taking time to discover herself and not talking to me. I have never felt more alone in my life. I am going stark raving mad in this apartment. I hate being single. I hate sleeping alone. I hate that I’m not content in my solitude. I fear that I have a codependent personality. I’ve been forced to acknowledge that I’m not as emotionally self-sufficient as I thought I was. I know we as humans are social creatures who strive for connections with others, but I don’t know if the degree of anxiety is a normal or an unhealthy amount. Is starting a new romance really the best thing or did I need to spend time to be comfortable with being totally alone. I just don’t know. I guess that was the whole point of this post was for me to evaluate where I’m coming from to try to figure that out. Now that I’ve gone this far and made it here... I still don’t know.