#maybe I'll go down that rabbit hole another day
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because I was thinking about 10years ago, it unlocked a memory.
anyone play or remember Harvest Moon: A New Beginning? well, 10 years ago, I was down SO BAD for this fucking asshole.
Putting aside the compulsive heteronormativity and subtle misogyny that's just kinda baked into the game and its era, he calls the player (only once dating, I think?) "princess" all the damn time. imo this guy was only kept in-bounds by the rigid mechanics of the game needing to be wholesome.
but here's the thing here's the thing.
I went back and watched some of the heart scenes tonight and... listen. first obligatory self-call out "the more things change the more they stay the same yadda yadda something something Allen to Elliott maturity pipeline"
Listen to me.
do you understand
do you understand
if this game came back around right now with a few LGBTQIA+/feminist modifications
the absolute fucking porn fodder this condescending fucking asshole twink would generate
he calls the player "princess" several times per scene (once dating, at least, I think)
he consistently asks the player if they'll be a good girl for him
one of his heart scenes revolves around him requiring the player to "ask him cutely" in order to unlock his back story. He straight up will not disclose anything if the player won't ask cutely.
another one of his scenes revolves around him touching the player's hair (he's a hair stylist). The player can admit to liking him touching their hair, and he'll say, "That's because I've got the magic fingers. Or perhaps its because of your feelings for me?" (the player shows a delighted animation) "Both, it is! It sure feels great to have my cute girlfriend say things like that to me."
some choice lines include, "Don't forget that I'm the one who made your wish come true."
"You get petulant so easily. It just makes me want to tease you all the time."
"That means you're my girl now. You better do your best to make sure you don't lose my favor."
"I love you, my princess. I'll make you the happiest woman in the world."
once marriage is set:"On [marriage date], [Player Name] will truly be mine... Are you looking forward to it, princess?"
I could have sworn there was also one about sweet nothings all night but I can't find it.
anyway what I'm saying is 1.) if you want a mean but soft dom twink to call daddy, look no further and 2.) i'm fucking terrified of what smut might be out there already, it's been 10 years, y'all need jesus
#maybe I'll go down that rabbit hole another day#but tonight WOW i cannot#what a blast from the past#and a dark mirror of what I was into and happily taking in at the time??? y i k e s#putting this in the#sdv elliott#tag because i wanna see if anyone else relates#and lbr i'm too scare to wade into the tags for allen#today anyway.#unabashedly posting
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Hello! I love the way you write! Would I be able to request the reactions of some of the twst boys to MC telling them they snore (whether it's true or not)? I think Malleus, Riddle, and Azul would have fun reactions, but anyone you feel like writing would be great! Thank you!
Thank you for the compliment heuheu... much appreciated <3
When they snore
Featuring: Malleus, Riddle, Azul, Rook, Vil
General warnings: Gender neutral reader
Malleus
The moment you told him he snores, he was concerned. Was he troubling you with his sleeping habits? Were you unhappy sleeping with the fae because of this, to the point where it was noticeable? The moment the words left your mouth, he began to word vomit.
"Is that an issue? Is my snoring preventing you from getting a night of good rest? I...Suppose I could sleep elsewhere if it will grant you a full night of sleep.." Que him going down a rabbit hole of solutions, you couldn't get a single word in. Eventually, it came time for classes to begin, to which you hadn't the chance to explain your statement to the panicked fae.
When night fell and it was time for bed, his tail swayed sadly as he stood in the doorway. "I suppose I shall sleep out here, my love," He said, as lightning of vibrant green flashed outside your window.
As he turned his back and began to sulk away, you quickly ran up behind him with a bear hug.
"Malleus, would you stop and listen to me for a second?" You laughed, "When I said you snore, I was going to tell you it was cute. Like an animal snoring lightly. You seem so at peace curled up in bed with your light snoring..."
The lightning went away as fast at it had came, and you felt his tail wrap around your waist as he turned to face you, arms pulling you close.
"Ah...ahem. I apologize for my unbecoming behavior before, then. I...was rather saddened at the thought I caused my beloved to lose well-needed sleep."
He's never been called cute before, but he's also never slept in the same bed with another person. So I suppose there's a first for everything <3
Riddle
Snores like a cat. The first time you had slept in the same room, the first thing you noticed was his high-pitched yet soft snores that were short and far between.
The morning you woke up, the first thing you said was; "Did you know you snore?" Riddle blinks at you a couple times before hitting you with his annoyed face (you know the one.)
"Snoring is perfectly normal," He told you, "It's caused by the rattling and vibration of tissues-"
You got a lecture on the scientific reasoning behind snoring. When he finished defending the nature of his sleeping habits, you finally hit him with the "You snore like a little cat! It's cute!"
His face turns as red as his hair, as always when he becomes flustered.
"W-w-wha- a cat?! How dare you compare me to a cat! I..I am not a cat..."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.." You seemed pretty guilty about upsetting him, he muttered "I suppose I'll let it go..." and moved on.
All in all, as long as you aren't losing sleep because of him, he will forgive you for your previous teasing statements. However, from that day forward, you have noticed his ears take a rosy hue with shy glances your way before he heads to bed...
Azul
"Did you know you snore? Pretty loud, too. Is that like...a merman thing?"
His face turns red IMMEDIATELY. He was so embarrassed. The first time he allows someone to be near him in such a vulnerable state, and he blows it by being a snorer. A loud one, at that.
"Snoring is not common for merfolk! Being under the sea, most don't struggle with such a thing...but I would say being above water, the air that goes through my soft palate-"
Great. Another scientific review on snoring. Only Azul, on the other hand, cannot seem to keep eye contact with you.
"Please don't tell anyone. You must sign on it!"
You spent an hour comforting poor Azul, telling him it's nothing to be ashamed of, and giving him lots of hugs and cuddles. But he still continues to insist you sign a NDA to the information you had uncovered.
He was incredibly shy about having you sleep with him again, yet you managed to convince him. Azul is much more insecure than you may think about his image, however, you always seem to break his walls down.
Although, you did notice he began to wear nose strips at night, with books on sleeping habits and potions to help with snoring...old habits truly die hard.
Give him extra cuddles for the existential crisis you had instilled in your poor octo boyfriend <3
Rook
Oh boy. You had no choice but to tell him. He snores like your average forty-year-old dad. You genuinely lose sleep over it, even waking him up
"Rook, Rook. Honey. Please. I can't sleep. Your snoring is just too much, I'm sorry."
He actually finds it kind of amusing? For some reason? He asks you excitedly to tell him more about the things he does when he's sleeping.
He didn't really take you too seriously until he noticed the physical wear and tear. The bags under your eyes...
"Mon Cheri! Your eyes...have you not been sleeping well?"
"Rook. Your snoring. It's horrendous. Please."
He spends an hour doing EVERYTHING under the sun to help his snoring, for your sake! Moving around how his bed is set up, mouth exercises, the way he sleeps...He refuses to use strips, he doesn't like how they feel, and says it prevents his senses from being at their 100%.
He finds a way to help alleviate it, and you end up investing in some sleep time headphones. You make it work, because dealing with his sleeping habits is better than sleeping without him~
Vil
"Did you know you snore?"
He stares at you with his jaw open and his eyes wide. What...what do you mean he snores when he sleeps? Does he sleep with his mouth open? Does he look utterly ridiculous when he sleeps? All of these questions he bombards you with.
"Vil! Vil. I was kidding. I'm sorry. You sleep so quietly that I have to check if you're still alive sometimes. You're like a sleeping statue of perfection."
He was not amused. He almost had a heart attack and invested in the world's most expensive treatments.
Tackles you to the bed and ruffles up your hair, laughter ensuing at your silly little prank.
"Well, it's YOU who snores, potato. You're lucky I let you sleep here and not outside like a dog," He chuckles. He says this, yet you knew he loved you too much to go a single night without you by his side.
A link to my masterlist
#twisted wonderland#Twisted wonderland X reader#twst#twst x reader#twst headcannons#Twisted wonderland headcannons#Malleus#Malleus draconia#Malleus draconia X reader#Rook hunt#Rook hunt x reader#azul ashengrotto#Azul ashengrotto x reader#Riddle rosehearts#Riddle rosehearts x reader#Vil schoenheit#Vil schoenheit X reader
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no but i can't stop about eddie finding queering the map and being overwhelmed by the amount of stories that resonate with him.
it starts with buck, because of course it does.
buck comes into the station one day, rambling about this site he found online. he's still figuring out bisexuality for himself and has been going down a rabbit hole ever since, reading endless articles and reddit stories and experiences told from so many people.
and something about it, about this particular site, catches eddie's attention. he really can't stop thinking about it, wondering if people from el paso would have any of those pins. if anyone from the place he grew up in, was raised in, ever felt like him.
he can't stop wondering if maybe he was never as alone as he thought he was.
when he gets home, he decides to look for himself— it takes him a while. there's too many black pins and he doesn't quite know how to navigate the huge map on his screen. it takes him a few minutes to get the hang of it.
but when he does— oh, when he does.
right there in el paso, people from the same streets he once rode his bike in, are sharing his experiences. fellow soldiers in the same base eddie trained at.
eddie reads these sacred, secret little messages and feels his heart expand more and more with every each one of them.
some of them makes him laugh and chuckle, teary eyed but amused, like "even the army has gays," and "from one gay cowboy to another."
others, nake him falter. make his bretah hitch inside his chest. make something beautiful and fragile and orecious uncurl from the deepest depths of his soul. make him feel seen in a way he isn't sure he's quite ready to.
messages like— "you're not the only one," and "you'll be okay." "the heaven the people from this town speak of, is not a heaven i wanna be sent to." "i should've told him when i had the chance." "stuck in a warzone, thinking about how i wasted so much time and now i might not make it home to him."
messages that hit a little too close to home. from soldiers still in the closet, struggling to accept themselves and living a lie.
messages from dumb teenagers, scared of the future— just like eddie had been once.
messages from people braver than he ever could be, sharing the stories of how they came out to their families and moved across the country to be able to live their truest selves.
eddie spends hours and hours just reading post after post, goingbthrough as many lins as he can and drinking them in as a dying, thirsting man in the middle of the driest desert. he reads until the light from the comouter makes his head hurt and his eyes burn everytime he blinks.
at the end, before closing the tab, he decides to put on his own note.
📍not sure if I'll ever be ready to say it out loud, but I love him. i'm too late. I've lost my chance. this changes nothing, my heart is still in his hands.
he clicks on add and feels the tiniest amount of weight lifting from his shoulders.
#i.... don't know what's this tbh#queering the map#eddie diaz#buddie#kinda#evan buckley#911 abc#911 on abc#april writes#my writing#911 ficlet#911 fic#buddie ficlet#buddie fic
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Congrats on 40k Jade! Also hi, I hope you're having a great day (I'm really nervous this is my first time sending in a request I'm so sorry if I sound weird)
𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝'𝐬 𝐨𝐤 —send me a hurt/comfort request for any reader and any character and I'll write a ficlet, 2k or less
Can I request a reader that has a bit of a temper and got told that no one would like her because of it so she's a bit insecure about herself? My favourite character is James so maybe with him or with Remus whichever you prefer (and they reassure her and it's awesome because your writing is just so awesome)
Congrats again <3
luveline's 40k party ☆
thank you so much, you didn't sound weird at all dw ♡ fem!reader
The day has been long, your feet dragging up the steps to Remus' flat. His door sticks and the only radiator that doesn't need bleeding is the one in his bedroom, so it's cold, and you're irked. You kick out of your pinching shoes and hang your jacket up, which falls on the floor. You pick it up and it falls again. Huffing, you put it on the sideboard and trudge down the hallway to Remus bedroom.
"Hello, my lovely," he says without looking up.
There's a notebook in his lap. He's wearing his reading glasses. If you were in a better mood you'd try to distract him by laying across his thighs. As it stands, you're fucking exhausted. You flop down in his bed and curl towards him where he's sitting against the headboard.
"Tired?" he asks.
"Mm." Tired isn't the right word, but the right word makes people cringe at you.
Today has been awful and you hate the part of you that wants to rail about it. You can't help how you feel; this anger glows molten. It makes you hate yourself, which irks you worse. You grab one of his pillows and pull it against your chest to squeeze it until your arms hurt.
"Bad day?" he asks, pen scratching.
You exhale. "A bit," you say into the pillowcase.
"Sorry, dovey," he says. There's the sound of paper leaves catching against one another and the clink of a pen put away. "What did you say? I needed to finish writing that edit down before I forgot."
You're not mad at him in particular but your voice comes out tightly strung anyhow, "I said it was a bit of a bad day."
Remus hears your tone and refuses to skirt around the issue. Not from a want to be confrontational, but a direct way of going about things. "What, are you mad at me?"
"No," you say, turning away from him.
"You seem mad."
"I think I am."
"Well, now you don't sound mad," he says, dipping down to talk into the back of your neck. "Now you sound upset. Have I upset you?"
"No, Remus," you say. Mad to sad to mad again, your shoulder and spine ache with rigidity.
All his questions didn't make you mad, but you were mad to begin with, and so what might usually be very normal turns to irritating. In the moment, you've no hope of controlling it, and, not wanting to further subject Remus to any misdirected annoyance, you shuffle out of his reach. "I just need a minute," you say.
Remus is used to your temper, though you often worry he'll grow tired of you and your big moods and throw in the towel. You count useless numbers in your head and curl your fists into balls until your bones feel like they're too big for your skin, wanting to deal with it alone.
A minute or two later and Remus reaches for your side. "I was trying to lighten the mood, and it wasn't my best work," he says, tip of his thumb drawing semi circles into your shirt.
Remus taking the blame for your emotions has you frowning, rabbit-holing into twisting thoughts. He's always been good for you and good to you, accepting of your short fuse. He's not always sunshine and lollipops himself. But, he's not angry half as often as you are. Does that bother him? People have said to you before that your temper will be the ruining of a good thing, that Remus won't want to deal with it. And it makes sense.
You don't want to deal with it either. You don't really feel like you have much choice when it comes to being mad.
"Sorry," you mumble.
Mattress springs groan as he leverages himself closer to you. Familiar, his hand sneaks under your shirt to tickle the soft roll of your stomach. He draws a slow and winding line with no end nor goal in mind, uncaring of the pouch you get laying down. Remus doesn't really care about anything that could be marked superficial. It's one of the many reasons that he's markedly the best person you know; he loves everything that you hate about yourself without hesitation. Like your anger.
"Do you want to set a rule?" he asks.
"Pardon?"
"Humour me. Let's make a condition before we have this conversation." Remus stops drawing to slide his hand between your hip and the mattress, hugging you to him. "I'll assume you're not mad at me even if you sound angry, and you can assume I don't mind."
"Do you mind?" you ask.
"Well, I don't love when you're angry, but I know it isn't at me so it won't matter."
Reassured enough to face him, you meet his eyes.
"I know I have a tendency to make it sound like I'm angry at you when I'm really mad at someone else," you say.
"That's not true. And I ask, don't I? If I think you're mad at me?" Remus' already dulcet voice drops to a murmur, words said slowly and with as much care as a person can put into words alone, "I don't know why you feel like you're such a bad person for being angry."
"Because it's all the time," you say. Your throat burns with the effort that it takes to stay intelligible.
"It's not all the time."
"It's often, and it's not fair to you."
"It's not fair to take it out on other people, and I promise you I'd let you know if you were doing that. So… could you just tell me why you're mad? Without worrying I'll take it personally."
"It's not about taking it personally, I don't want you to take it personally, but it's just– it's just ugly, isn't it?"
Remus frowns. "Honestly? I don't think so. You have to be angry sometimes. Everyone gets angry and those feelings need somewhere to go, or it'll eat you up inside and make you bitter instead. Like… okay, he'll forgive me for telling you this, but Sirius used to get into these awful angry tirades where he'd shout at nothing, you know? And I hated seeing him do it, but I wasn't sitting there thinking he was ugly for it. I just kind of hated that something was able to occupy him so heavily. And that's how I feel about it when it happens to you, dove."
"He used to?" you ask, the bridge of your nose flat to his knee.
"Yeah, he did." Remus pushes your shoulder flat to the bed beneath you and leans in to give you a kiss. The corner of your mouth takes the brunt of it.
"Did you kiss him like this, or–"
Remus laughs and hugs you, "A discussion for another day," he murmurs. He gives you a last kiss and squeeze and then sits up. "So shout at me."
"I don't want to shout at you."��
"You know what I mean. Tell me what pissed you off today."
"Are you sure?" you ask.
"Yeah, I'm sure, I like the way your eyes look anyways, when you get riled up." Remus finds your hand to hold. "Tell me, dove. I'll be angry with you."
#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x fem!reader#remus lupin fluff#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x y/n#marauders era#remus x reader#remus x you#marauders#remus lupin drabble#remus lupin blurb#marauders x reader#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin fanfic#remus lupin fanfiction#the marauders#luveline's 40k party
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𝑴𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒀𝒐𝒖(𝒓 𝑩𝒐𝒅𝒚)
Park Seonghwa X afab!gn!reader
Summary: With your boyfriend away on tour, you started missing him in more ways than one. Maybe a phone call is all you need to fix it.
WC: 2.5k
CW: Smut, fluff, some angst at the end
Smut Warnings: Phone sex, dirty talk (SO much), mutual masturbation, handjob, clit play, toys, slight dacryphilia (?)
Your dear, loving boyfriend had embarked on another tour. Another many months of traveling, performing, all without you by his side.
It had hardly been a month and you were already tired of it.
You thought you'd get used to it, seeing how he was gone a lot when he wasn't on tour, but this was different. He was constantly in a different place, and more often than not, he was still busy when he wasn't performing. So even if you wanted to chase him down somehow, it would be incredibly difficult. And expensive.
So you were left alone, in your apartment, without your boyfriend.
It especially became problematic when you'd be laying in watching his performances. You went down a rabbit hole, finding the many gifs and clips, watching your talented, hot ass boyfriend grind and thrust his hips and wish he'd do it on you.
It didn't even take long before you were squeezing your thighs together to elevate the pressure.
The few times you'd tried to get yourself off with Seonghwa since he'd left hadn't been fun. You could get it done, sure, but it didn't feel as good without him.
So you called Seonghwa.
You balled up the blanket in your fist as it rang, counting them, expecting the disappointment of going to voice-mail.
“Hi jagi!”
And you sighed in relief when you heard his voice.
“Hi love.”
On the other end, Seonghwa actually had a few hour break. They'd gotten to the hotel earlier than planned and had plenty of time before the rehearsals. So he was in his bed thinking of calling you.
“How are you? You okay?”
“Yeah,” you said with a sigh. “I just miss you.”
“I miss my jagi too.”
His voice through the phone was enough to send chills down your spine and straight to your already soaking cunt. You bit your lip to not accidentally let a noise slip.
“Are you feeling okay? Are you tired?”
“No, no.” Seonghwa shook his head, as if you could've seen that. “I took a nap not too long ago and I've got some time before our show.” He smiled to himself. “And seeing your name pop up made me feel amazing.”
Your heart swelled and you couldn't help but smile at that. But in the back of your mind, the little needy voice whispered “Yes, this is perfect, he has time.”
“You're sweet,” you breathed, rubbing your thighs together again. You rolled your eyes back at the small but powerful movement, making hot bolts of pleasure shoot up through your bones. “I'm glad you're okay.” Your voice was growing more strained as you were trying to hide your obvious growing desire.
You didn't want to spring the idea on Seonghwa too soon, you didn't want him to think you only wanted him for sex. Of course you didn't, you'd been calling him almost every day just to hear his voice, checking to see what timezone he was in to do so.
But it seemed really shitty to call your boyfriend up and immediately ask him for sex, didn't it?
You wanted to ask in a better way, but Seonghwa could hear your heavy breaths and the slight whine in your voice.
“Are you okay, angel?” The pet name shouldn't have made you whine.
“I'm okay, I just…” You trailed off, and sighed as you stopped your movements completely. “I was watching your performances, and I got horny, and so I called you, but I didn't want to seem like it was just that, I wanted to call you for more than just sex.” You were babbling endlessly, trying to make sure Seonghwa didn't misunderstand your intentions.
But lucky for you, your loving boyfriend was willing to provide.
“I can help you.” Your eyes went wide as his voice slipped into a deeper tone, and this time, you couldn't help but whimper. “Aww, that desperate? My poor baby, I'll take care of you.”
“Thank you,” you whined, squeezing your thighs together again, tighter than before.
“Of course.” You could hear his smirk through the phone. “Strip yourself down, beautiful. Completely.”
You did as he commanded, putting your phone on speaker and stripping your clothes off, flinging them to some random part of the bedroom. You yanked the blanket off your body to expose yourself to the room, and shivered as the cool air hit your dripping cunt.
“Okay, done.”
“Now rub your clit. Slow little circles. Don't speed up until I tell you, okay?”
“Okay-”
“And let me hear all your pretty moans.”
Chills raced over you again as you ran your hand down your body to your cunt, gathering up some of your slick and slowly rubbing circles on your clit. You dropped your head back and whined, pleasure shooting up through your body again,
You let out a small whine, trying to not sound too desperate too early. Until you let out a soft “oppa.”
And that was all it took for Seonghwa's pants to grow tighter.
“Fuck,” he muttered, rolling his eyes back. “What was that, jagi?”
You hadn't called him that title for some time. You both had gotten too wrapped up in the “mommy” title and almost forgot about the other one.
“Oppa? Do you not want me to?”
“No, keep saying it.” Seonghwa switched which hand was holding the phone and reached down to undo the tie on his sweats.
You closed your eyes and let out a louder, longer whine of his beloved title. He groaned and rubbed himself over his pants, biting his lip.
“Good baby,” he whispered. “Fuck, you've got me hard too.”
“Maybe this can help as a stress reliever,” you said with a soft giggle. Seonghwa smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, it would.” He groaned again as he pulled his pants and boxers down enough to pull his cock out and stroke himself. He closed his eyes and sighed, imagining it was you instead.
“What I wouldn’t give to have you here, to help me relax.” He stifled a moan when he ran his thumb over the tip. “Split you open, make you cream all over my cock.”
You couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped you. The slow pace your were rubbing your clit at wasn’t enough. “Oppa, can I go faster? Please?”
“Yes jagi,” he breathed. “Go faster, imagine it’s me.”
You already were. You were already imagining it was his hand playing with your clit instead of yours, imagining that he was between your legs, that he was still here with you.
Seonghwa smiled when he heard your moans and whimpers get louder. “Aww, you sound so precious.” He stroked himself faster too. “So cute, God, I with I could fuck you. Fuck you full of my cum, my babies.”
Your whole body shuddered and you let out a broken cry, whimpers and moans tumbling from your lips, panting out “oppa” over and over. It only made him harder and harder, more sensitive, craving the feeling of your soft, warm cunt around his cock instead of his hand.
“Want them so bad,” you breathed, choking on your own noises. “I wanna fuck myself so bad.” You whimpered as your fingers strayed to your pulsing hole, craving to be fucked full. “I want you to fuck me.”
“Imagine it’s me.” Seonghwa gulped as he squeezed his cock a little, running his tongue over his lips. “Fuck your hole and imagine it’s me-” He cut off with a moan. “Pretend it’s me inside your pretty hole.”
You scrambled to grab your dildo you had stored beside your bed. Once you hand, you made yourself comfortable again, spreading your legs wide, and slowly pushed the toy inside.
You let out a loud whine as the toy slowly filled you up. “Oppa, feels so good,” you whimpered.
Seonghwa’s tongue fell out of his mouth as his breathing got heavier, his eyes still closed, pumping his cock and imagining you on top of him. “I know, jagi.” He whined as he sped up again. “Keep going, make yourself feel good.”
You slowly fucked yourself with the toy, your legs falling even farther open than before. You were completely lost in your fantasy, imagining he was here, that it was him who was fucking you and making you lose your mind.
“You stretch me out so far,” you babbled. “Make my hole take you, feels so fucking good.”
God, you’d be the death of him. Seonghwa’s thighs started shaking, sweat sliding down his face. He smirked as his tongue poked out again.
“Such a filthy fucking slut,” he muttered. “Yeah? Feels good? I feel good when I stretch out your pretty hole? Getting all deep inside?” He was going into his own daze, bordering on drunk, losing himself in the abyss of pleasure.
“Yes!” You cried. “Please, go faster, I need you!”
“I’ll fuck you as hard and fast as you want, I’ll fuck you dumb, my precious little slut.”
Your hand unconsciously sped up, fucking yourself deeper and faster, hitting your spot just the way you needed it. You cried out louder, screaming Seonghwa’s title, arching your back off the bed, desperately crying out for him.
Seonghwa sped up too, his moans getting louder, whines becoming more frequent, his hands shaking more and more, sweat was pouring down the sides of his face, running down his neck.
“Talk to me,” you whimpered out, tears on the edges of your eyes, stuttering through your words. “Talk to me while you fuck me dumb, tell me how good I feel, how filthy I am, how good I feel on your cock.”
Your request knocked the wind from Seonghwa’s lungs. You heard him softly choke. Some small seed of pride swelled in your chest.
“You’re so fucking filthy,” he babbled, his voice high and shaky. “Just wanna be fucked stupid, a needly little slut, taking my cock so good. So good for me, so perfect, fuck, I wanna cum all over you.”
He was panting heavily, so fucking close, but he held himself back to wait for you. But he could tell you were close, and he said as much. “Wanna come for me, angel? I can hear you crying.”
And you were, the tears were flowing down your face, desperate screams and moans ripping from your throat. You were so close, you just needed a little bit more of a push.
You reached down and rubbed your clit, bringing you even closer, but you just needed more. More of your boyfriend’s voice.
“Yes, I’m close,” you gasped. “I wanna come for you, oppa, wanna come for you like a good little whore.”
Seonghwa finally let out a whimper as he squeezed his eyes shut, teetering on the edge of his orgasm. “Come for me, come with me, be a good whore and come on my cock.”
That’s what you needed. You tipped over the edge and your orgasm washed over you, tearing screams and cries of Seonghwa’s name from your throat, sobbing from the pleasure.
Seonghwa was right behind you, gasping and whimpering out your name as he came all over his hand, slowly stroking himself until it was over, chanting your name the whole time.
You both laid there in your separate beds, panting heavily, trying to get your breath back. Neither of you said anything for a bit.
But once you opened your eyes, the reality set in again. You were alone. Seonghwa wasn’t the one who fucked you. Seonghwa was hours away. He was only a voice through your phone.
And the tears came back stronger than ever.
Seonghwa’s heart broke hearing you cry. He knew exactly why. This wasn’t the first time you’d been on the phone with him and cried because he wasn’t there in your bed with you. The last night he was with you, you cried yourself to sleep on his chest, telling him how much you wished you could go with him.
“Jagi?” He called softly. “Are you okay?”
“No,” you sobbed, rolling onto your side and grabbing one of your pillows, hugging it tight. “You’re not here, and I need you here.”
“I know.” Seonghwa’s throat was closing up and his nose burned as tears formed in his eyes.
You grabbed your phone and set it closer to you. “I want you to hold me, and kiss me, and tell me I did good.” You sobbed out all your words, hardly making much sense, but Seonghwa heard you well enough.
“You did so good for me, angel,” Seonghwa said softly, like he always spoke to you after sex. “I wish I could hold you and kiss you too.” He choked up and pursed his lips, trying not to burst into tears.
You sobbed into the pillow. “I want you home!”
And that was all it took to break him. The tears spilled over and down Seonghwa’s cheeks, softly sobbing and whimpering, curling up in his bed and wishing your arms were around him too. He missed you as much as you missed him, he spent many nights tossing and turning without you, yearning for your touch, your kisses, your voice.
“I know, jagi, I wanna be home with you too,” he sobbed. “I want to so badly.”
You both cried, not knowing how to comfort the other. There was no way around this. Your boyfriend wasn’t coming home for a while. A long while. You wouldn’t see him for a long while. The idea smashes your heart to pieces all over again.
“Can’t I come see you?” You whimpered.
“You could, but you know it wouldn’t be more than a day.” Seonghwa sniffled and got up to clean himself up. Every movement was slow and heavy.
“I don’t care, I just need to see you.” You got up to clean yourself up too, slowly pulling the toy out of yourself and taking it with you to clean up.
“Then maybe if you can somehow get a flight to the next country we’re performing in, I guess.”
It didn’t take you long to find a flight to their next country. It was expensive, yes, but you had money saved up for this. Seonghwa told you months and months before the tour was announced to the world that there was going to be one. You’d been secretly saving up since then to afford such a trip to see him.
Your everything. Your world. The light of your life. You needed to see him.
You laid back down in bed, tired and ready to sleep. Seonghwa had cleaned himself up and laid back down as well, promising to wait until you felt tired enough to fall asleep.
“You’ll really be there?” He asked softly.
“I will, love,” you said back, just as soft. Seonghwa smiled, and his heart swelled at the thought. He couldn’t wait to have you in his arms again.
“Then you need your sleep.”
“I know.” Your eyes were already getting heavy, along with the rest of your body.
“Sleep well, my precious jagi. I love you.”
“I love you too, Hwa.”
You ended the call first. It hurt to do it, but you knew Seonghwa wasn’t going to.
You closed your eyes and let sleep take you away to dreamland, where your beloved was waiting for you again.
Thank you for reading! Please reblog if you enjoyed! 💜
This is a work of fiction written by me. This does not represent the idol(s) in any way. Any re-upload is not allowed and will be reported.
#ateez#ateez fanfiction#ateez fanfic#ateez fic#ateez ff#ateez seonghwa#park seonghwa#seonghwa#seonghwa fanfiction#seonghwa fanfic#seonghwa fic#seonghwa ff#ateez x reader#seonghwa x reader#ateez smut#seonghwa smut
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I need you now - Modern!Tommy Shelby Imagine
Part 3 of Before he cheats - Based off of I Need You Now by Lady Antebellum
Requested - kinda - @jadesjam sent this as an idea for part 2 but I flipped and made it the third and final part of before he cheats! It hasn't been proofread so beware!
Enjoy! 🥰
------------
"No." I sighed for the upteenth time.
"Oh come on y/n, it's been weeks since all that shit with Tommy, it's about time you come and find yourself a rebound!" My longest friend Leah practically begged down the phone, her birthday was coming up and she'd been trying for the last hour to get me to go out for her pre-birthday bash.
"Le, you know I love you but I'm really not in the mood tonight, we'll do something in a couple days, okay?" I sighed, trying to find some middle ground so the conversation could end.
"Okay fine, but I'll hold you to that! Love you girl!" She cheered happily through the phone, my answer enough to stop the pestering, for now.
"Have fun babe, love you too!" I smiled before hanging up, the smile dropping from my face as soon as the beep sounds. "Guess it's just you and me." I whispered as I looked down at the shoebox in my lap.
Checking the time I couldn't help but laugh slightly at how the time had managed to get away from me, with the clock reading 1:04am I couldn't help but laugh slightly as I looked over the piles of photographs that were covering the floor. "Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor, reaching for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore." I sighed, picking one up and focusing on the smiling faces beaming back at me, it was from my 21st birthday around ten minutes after Tommy had officially asked me to be his. We were so happy, everyone was so happy that night, laughing and singing being the only thing to be heard throughout Small Heath that night as everybody celebrated their king finding his queen.
Putting the picture down I reached up to wipe the line tear that has slid down my cheek, sniffing quietly before I picked up another, this one of me and all of the Shelby siblings, Ada and John on one side with Tommy and Arthur the other, even at 16 years old and apparently seeing Greta, Tommy still has his arm round my shoulders, my head resting on his arm. Throwing the picture to the side I huffed as I rubbed my hands over my face, the thought of Greta leading me down a rabbit hole.
"I wonder if I ever cross your mind, for me it happens all the time." I spoke to myself, "Probably not, you've probably had a whole queue of women waiting for this to happen." My voice cracked as I said what I'd been thinking out loud for the first time. "Maybe I should just send a quick text..." I whispered, picking up my phone, opening Tommys contact I paused before starting to type.
It's 1am, I'm all alone and I need you now, I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
Shaking my head I quickly deleted the message and locked my phone, throwing it onto the floor besides me. "Don't give him the satisfaction." I reminded myself with a sigh.
The loud shrill of phone made me shriek, my hand flying to my chest to try and soothe my racing heart. "Motherfuck." I breathed out, reaching over and seeing it's Leah calling.
"Hey Le, what's up?" I asked worried, knowing that she never called when she was out, unless there was a problem.
"Baaaaabe! You'll never guess where we are!" Her cheery voice burst through the phone making me wince slightly. "The garrison!" She squealed without waiting for an answer.
"That's great Leah, but I'm still not coming out tonight." I sighed, not understanding where she was going with this.
"Yeah, yeah, -- all depressed, I know, but I also know that lover -- is just as bad as -- are, if -- worse." She laughed through the phone, the music and voices in the background muffling half of her sentence.
"I can't hear you properly Le." I smiled slightly, her giggles infectious. "Le?" The beep of the phone indicated that she'd hung up. "What the hell was that about?" I muttered, my question answered two seconds later as my phone buzzed again.
I said that lover boy is even worse than you!
A message from Leah with an image of Tommy attached, say at the corner of the bar in the Garrison alone, his head in his hand as his other holds onto a glass of whisky - probably. Just from the zoomed out picture I could see his hair had been left to grow out and his shirt had been left untucked, something that had never happened before, in public anyway.
"Oh baby." I couldn't help but sigh, my heart breaking all over again at the picture.
---
Keeping my eyes down I swigged the last dribble of amber liquid from the glass raising it high before rapping it in the bar a couple times, a sign for the bartender to refill. Feeling the glass being moved from my fingertips I looked up, giving the bartender a nod of thanks as he slid the bow full glass back to me.
Another shot of whisky, can't stop staring at the door, wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before. Rubbing my hand over my face I clenched my eyes as I thought of her, the reason I'd been sat here for the past few weeks doing nothing but drinking whisky after whisky and chain smoking till my chest hurt. Looking over at her door I couldn't help but think back to y/n's 21st birthday, the day we became official, she had come barreling into the garrison with her windswept hair and rosy cheeks absolutely fuming because she thought that everyone had forgot her birthday before the shout of surprise had her forgetting she was ever mad. Shaking my head I couldn't help but wonder if I ever cross her mind, for me it happens all the time, every little thing reminding me of her.
"Fuck sake." I growled to myself, pulling out my phone to check the time. "Quarter past fucking one and I'm sat drinking by myself, again, Thomas Shelby the king of fucking Small Heath aye." I chuckled ironically. Not like I hadn't had plenty of offers during my evenings rotting away at my own bar, but none of them were her, none of them were my y/n.
My heart started to race slightly as I noticed the missed call notification only to drop again as Arthur's name came into view. She said she didn't want to hear from me but surely one text won't hurt, right?
It's 1:15 I'm a little drunk and I need you now, I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now, and I don't know how I can do without - I just need you now
I'll be at the Garrison - T x
"Fucking pathetic Tom." I shook my head before locking the phone, not realising my thumb had already hit send.
----
1:17, it had taken all of 3 minutes to reach the Garrison, shoving my hands into my pocket so said as I stared up at the gold sign above the door, a door that I'd walked through so may times before but never feeling like this. I jumped slightly as my phone buzzed at the same time as a group of girls can tumbling out the door, laughing and stumbling down the road as they held onto each other for support, I couldn't help but laugh slightly before pushing open the doors.
Stepping through the doorways Leah and the girls immediately caught my eye, giving me a quick wave she grinned before pointing over to the bar my eyes immediately landing on the mop top of black hair and slumped shoulders in the corner. Sending her a quick smile I slowly made my way over to Tommy, hesitantly taking a seat on the stool next to him.
"Not interested." He muttered making me jump slightly.
"Meh, I like your brother more anyway." I shrugged, giggling slightly as his head shot up, eyes wide as he stared at me.
"Y/n.." He breathed out, reaching his hand out he placed his palm on my cheek almost as though he was checking I was really there. "Y/n, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." He muttered, pulling me forwards slightly and resting his forehead against mine.
"Tommy I-" I took a breath, struggling to think clearly being this close to him after so much time, the longest we'd been apart since we'd met some ten years ago now. "I'm sorry too, I should've let you explain, should've listened to you." My voice wobbled slightly, pulling away I used my sleeve to wipe away the tears that had started to fall before resting my hand on his.
"I figured it would be easier to just finish things, after hearing about you and Gracie I just couldn't think of anything else... And I just lost it.. I dunno Tom. I guess I just, I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all." I whispered, knowing that over the past few weeks that's exactly how I'd felt, nothing.
"Hey, don't you dare apologise, these past few weeks have been nothing but my fault, and I promise you y/n with everything I have and will ever have, I will spend every day of our future making it up to you. If you'll let me, just one last chance, please." He trailed off, his eyes on mine the whole time.
"One chance Tommy, that's all we have left." I whispered, my grip tightening around his wrist slightly.
"That's all I need." He smirked standing up and pulling me along with him, his arms wrapping around my waist and mine came up around his neck, playing with the longer hair at the nape of his neck. Pulling me in he placed his lips on mine, moving in sync I couldn't help but smile, the Tommy shaped hole in my heart slowly shrinking.
"I missed you so much." He mumbled after we pulled away, resting his chin on the the top of my head as he pulled me into a hug, completely ignoring the looks he was getting from the punters who had never even seen him smile before.
"I missed you too Tommy." I sighed happily, resting my head on his chest, sending a quick wink to Leah as she caught my eye, making her erupt into screams, much to the confusion of everyone else.
"So that's how you found me aye?" Tommy chuckled, the sound echoing through his chest.
"She helped yeah, but there was also the text you sent." I giggled slightly, as I head the faint 'shit' leave his lips. "It's okay Tommy, I love it when you're cheesy." I grinned, patting his chest as I looked up at him.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He chuckled as he shook his head. "I love you." He whispered, eyes locked onto mine.
"I love you too." I smiled, placing a quick peck to his lips before resting my head back against his chest. "Oh and Tom?" I muttered without looking up, only the slight hum letting me know he heard.
"I'm sorry about your car."
----
And there we have it! I know it's slightly shorter and I personally don't feel like this part is even nearly as good as the previous two, but hey, we move on!
Thank you for reading and I do hope you've enjoyed! 🥰❤️
#peaky blinders imagine#peaky blinders imagines#tommy shelby imagine#tommy shelby imagines#thomas shelby imagine#thomas shelby imagines#tommy shelby x reader#thomas shelby x reader#part three#before he cheats#before he cheats three
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like crazy ~ part one
☆ﾟpart one of four
pairing(s): namjoon x reader, seokjin x reader, yoongi x reader, hoseok x reader, jimin x reader, taehyung x reader, jungkook x reader
genre: fluff || smut || angst || non-idol au || reincarnation au || strangers to lovers || established relationships || regency era au || gang au ||
summary: the story of why you loved to dance in the rain.
word count: 14k
tags/ warnings: duke! taehyung, jimin, fluff, so much love, angst, death(s)/implied murder, mentions of blood, mentioned suicide, mentioned puking, friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, smut in the forms of: implied loss of virginity, unprotected sex (don't be stupid, this is fiction), oral (fem receiving), multiple orgasms, creampie, cum play, talks of pregnancy and babies
notes: this mini series is very loosely inspired by an au idea i wrote a while back about an immortal m/c. i'm going to try and keep updates every other week but i am moving home really soon so if there's any change in the schedule then i'll post about it!! and as always, feedback is always encouraged <3
‘like crazy’ mini series masterlist || my main masterlist
🪐 🌠 ∘₊✧─── *ੈ✩‧₊˚ ───✧₊∘ ✧ ˚ · . 💫
“A lot has happened since we last spoke” You look down at the gravestone, moss and mud having found home over unnerving death, “Sorry it took me so long to visit” Maybe it helped that the sun was out, tears that were meant to fall soaked up in golden rays of light that warm your cheeks rather than wet them.
You place a bouquet of red chrysanthemums before the thick slab of stone, closing your eyes briefly. Not a thought in your mind as you revel in the peace of what was once a roaring home.
“Now, where should I begin?”
The day you remembered your first life, it felt as though your world had tilted off its axis. That everything you thought you’d learnt about yourself was nothing more than a singular star in a galaxy that sat in the vast universe. A mere atom in the formula that builds you as a person.
It was like a never-ending spiral. Little pockets of a past life you were never supposed to know, hidden between rouge pieces of space rock and black holes of a different time. Where one misstep had you slipping down a rabbit hole of the unknown with nothing to grab onto. Spiralling down like you were Alice, except you were far from Wonderland.
You weren’t even sure if you were in denial, or if it was all a far-fetched dream crafted by a wild imagination. Perhaps it was something more like guilt, because as much as Jimin was most definitely the love of your life; he was simply the love of this life.
Strange, heart-wrenching emotions had weighed on your shoulders as you remembered a past lover, who had held your heart ever so delicately in soft hands. And you’d held his, cradling it to your chest until your hearts had beaten in unison. Where wild fantasies had painted a forever, that was never going to be forever.
Your skin had crawled as fingertips that no longer exist had danced over your body, and burning lips, kissing you in places that should only be Jimin’s. A touch not that of your lover’s, digging into sacred places, secret places that you had only ever worked up the courage to show Jimin.
The sudden force of having to re-live grief when you yourself should also be dead had sent you into a frenzy. With too many sleepless nights, and too many harsh words sent Jimin’s way as you tried to navigate so many new stimuli at once. This love for another man was like a phantom hand latching onto your heart and squeezing, pulling, and sinking you further down. Sinking down, down, down until a whirlwind of emotions had flushed over you. Joy. Excitement. Sorrow. Heart-ache. Hatred. Love. Too much love. So much more love. A different sort of love you had never felt. Love love love.
There were too many secrets. Secrets you didn’t truly understand, a jumble of words that melt into slush and clog your brain, sparking against neurotransmitters and mingling with more information than you knew what to do with. Secrets that go away when Jimin is stood before you, and you’re reminded of who your heart now belongs to. The world finally silent, and hands stop grabbing you, and you can finally breathe again. It was as if Jimin had become a catalyst for your fraying feelings.
The story of Jimin had bloomed in spring.
When the sky felt as though it were at the tips of your fingers if you were to reach up high enough. And the world smelt of flowers and herbs that sat on window-sills of rundown houses. Where skin was sun-kissed, tender and pink on the back of your neck. And all the evils of the world were taking a nap for the afternoon with the cats that lounged in the shade under trees.
“Excuse me”
You perk up, squinting when the sun hits your eyes.
The memory of your first encounter with Jimin will always be one you find yourself going back to. Vivid enough that when you dream of this day, you’re often tempted to reach out and touch him as if he were really there.
His name on the tip of your tongue, tickling the back of your throat and mind, though nothing comes out as the scene replays itself for the thousandth time.
It’s like a well-practised play, where you pose as the main cast while simultaneously being the audience. (Maybe it was more of a tragedy, a shame when you know how this one ended.) A little jarring that you have no control over your own body, lips moulding around words so many times you could recite the first conversation the both of you had over and over again.
Sickly regret holding you in its palms, because there are so many more things you want to tell Jimin, words that he’ll never get to hear.
It mustn’t have been very long after midday when you’d met. Sweat tickling the back of your neck and untamed grass pocking at your ankles and between bare toes.
The air smelt of burning wood, crackling fire nothing but a whisper in the wind as footsteps crunch over gravel, and children thump into the tall grass and crush delicate flowers under the weight of their tiny bodies.
The dress you were sewing is dropped into your lap in favour of cupping your hands around your eyes to see the face of your visitor. Your cheeks dusting the lightest shade of pink when you finally get a look at his face.
You knew of Jimin, as did most on your estate. The other seamstresses never knew when to close their mouths, always tittering away about everyone and everything that lived in the area. Mindless gossip that you always found yourself turning away from when their giggles would get too loud, or opinions too crude for your liking.
Jimin had become somewhat of an enigma since turning into an adult. Names were thrown around like he weren’t ever to hear them; though you know his mother works in the building next door. Sure to have heard what her friends had been saying about her son behind her back. How much of a shame it is that he has such a nice face but no money. That no woman would ever want to settle for a man with nothing to his name, even if their babies were to be beautiful.
Or how their daughters had wandered into the city and found wealthy bachelors, who bought them dresses lined with thread made of gold, and jewellery that weigh down their necks. Who eat like royals, and prance around well-kept gardens into their husbands’ arms.
Thoughts ever so shallow you never found yourself stooping to their level when they’d nudge you for your opinion. The bitter remark that their children had abandoned them had always clung to your lips, because surely if they cared they would have lifted their parents out of commoner status and housed them in luxury.
The rumours of Jimin’s beauty were true, that much you now knew. Whatever child-like innocence you had left inside of you dubbing him as something akin to a garden fairy; just as you imagined them when you were young.
Not quite dainty, yet not thick muscle, something a little softer around the edges. And with his overgrown hair haloed by the sun as he takes a step to the side, blanketing you in shade, you think he looks like a dream.
“Yes?” your head tilts, gaze flitting to the scarce bouquet that he holds. Tips of his fingers evidence that he’d dug them up himself, wet soil clinging to his skin and boots; just as rough and old as the rest of his clothes. Though really you find you have no place to judge when you, yourself are dressed no better than him.
“These are for you” He thrusts the flowers into your face, entirely too eager as dirt falls into your lap, though you find yourself laughing. Uncaring that your mother’s dress bears the brunt of his enthusiasm.
You clear your throat when he avoids your eyes, “From you?”
And he nods, watching from the corner of his eye as you take them in gentle hands as not to let any of the smaller flowers fall out of place. You lay them delicately over your lap, feeling around the grass for your thread.
You snap it with your teeth, tying the stems of the flowers together so you wouldn’t lose any of them. A pot already in mind that you keep beside your mattress in the bedroom. Dust had collected around the rim, and lime scale clung to the insides, though you think the flowers would look lovely beside you as you slept.
“And–” he rubs his hands over his pants, bottom lip tucked between his teeth, “And this” He pulls a piece of paper from his pocket.
The tips of your fingers brush against one another as you take it from him. Curiosity wins over the heated flush that threatens to dust over your cheeks at the accidental contact.
‘I think you’re pretty’
“Would you like to join me?” you smile, patting the space beside you, Jimin’s own lips curling up at the corners.
“I’m Jimin”
And you refrain from telling him you know. Because the Jimin you knew was the one that had been tossed from mouth to mouth, built on flimsy lies and stupid expectations. Entirely built by rotten imaginations and women who had nothing better to do than chatter about other people’s lives when their own was crumbling just as much.
“Y/n” you giggle, outstretching your hand for him to shake.
Jimin’s eyes curl into little crescents as he smiles, a laugh bubbling up his throat “Nice to meet you, Y/n”
“Nice to meet you” You nod, “Oh! And, I think you’re pretty too”
“Do you think I can take you on a date? Tomorrow?” he turns to you, and you blink up at him.
“So soon?”
“Too soon?” he winces.
The corners of your lips turn upwards, busying yourself with finishing mending your mother’s dress, “No, I quite like how straight to the point you are”
Jimin’s chest deflates as he sighs, “I thought it might have scared you a little” he admits.
You hum, “No one’s ever asked me on a date before” you admit.
A wave of ease falls over the both of you, a unanimous understanding that there weren’t any expectations between the two of you. That as much as love was thrown onto the table, it didn’t have to be what the two of you got out of this.
Friendship, when you’re alone, is just as precious as a lover. Another human being with very human emotions and morals that match yours is just as special as something a little more than platonic.
“No way” he laughs, shoulder knocking against yours, you bite back a smile, “A girl as pretty as you?”
“Mmhmm”
“Then it’d be an honour to be the first” feeling bold, Jimin’s arm slips across your shoulders, “And hopefully the last”
“Ah is that so?” you drop the dress onto the grass beside you, pushing yourself to sit on your heels as you turn to face Jimin.
He nods, eyes flicking from your own to your lips, then back up again. Perhaps only mapping out your face into his mind, carving out every little crevice that makes you, and burning it into his brain. Or maybe it’s something a little less innocent.
You lean forward, a chaste kiss pressed to Jimin’s cheek before you pull back; a shy smile mirroring his, flushed cheeks probably matching his too. Though you find yourself liking the feeling, something ever so foreign yet welcome, you can’t help the airy laugh that spills from your lungs.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
It had been the incessant tapping at your window that had woken you up like a little bird was pecking at the old glass. Understandably, fear had settled in your heart, it wasn’t often you were woken up in the middle of the night like this.
The floorboards creaked under the weight of your body as you slipped off your mattress, socked feet barely making a sound as you plan an easy escape without your uninvited visitor knowing you were going to find your mother.
You almost trip over your own feet when the tapping stops, Jimin calling out your name.
You scuttle over to your window, tugging your curtains open, “What are you doing here so late?” you whisper when you unlatch the window, pushing it open.
“I forgot to give you this” he raises his arm, a singular sunflower clasped between his fingers.
“You came all the way here to give me this?” you ask, baffled.
“Yes, I forgot to pick you a bouquet before our date this afternoon” he nods, “That…and I just missed you”
“Would you like to come in?” you take a step away from your window.
You see the unfiltered surprise on his face, “Too soon?”
He shakes his head, “I just wasn’t expecting it is all”
You pluck the sunflower from between his fingers, turning to place it in the vase with the other flowers he’d gifted you over the last week.
You turn back to Jimin as his boots thump against the floor, he kicks them off, shuffling in one spot as you take a seat on your mattress.
“Come here” you hide your smile, biting your bottom lip. He’s ever so careful as he takes a seat beside you. The both of you fall onto your backs like you often did in the grass at the park.
Soft silver moonlight spills into the room from the open curtains, cool night air washing over the both of you as you stare at the ceiling.
“I really like spending time with you” Jimin breaks the silence, though his gaze remains trained on one spot of your roof.
“I really like spending time with you, too” You tilt your head to look at him, unexplainable happiness filling your body until you felt like bursting.
He hums, next words barely above a whisper. “I hope we can be together for a long time”
“I would like that”
Jimin turns his head to face you, the softest smile on his face, “I’m glad”
Love with Jimin was pure. The both of you were young enough that it didn’t matter if it were rough around the edges, imperfect; though you wouldn’t have changed it for the world. It wasn’t hard to fall in love. Not when it was Jimin.
For every date he took you on, he would spend hours in the park picking flowers for you.
His mother had always adored them and could talk about anything botanical for hours. She knew all their meanings and all their worth. Her love for one of the world’s tiny treasures brushing off on Jimin growing up. Over the years the reason for his love had changed, something special to his mother was now something special to him.
Because flowers now reminded Jimin of you. Where soft petals between the tips of his fingers felt like your skin under his hands, always reaching out for you, holding any part of you he could. How the world around you smelt of flowers as he braided them into your hair or you made promise rings with wilting stems that needed a little bit of love; a new life, a new purpose.
And of course, Jimin had heard all about the men in the city who bought acres of land for their lovers. Gardens tended to with warm hands but barely there love. And Jimin’s dream was to spend afternoons in a garden, your knees brushing as he plants flower beds and vegetables. So he could wake you up each morning with a new bouquet and a letter as to why he loves you so much.
“What’s this one?” you tuck Jimin’s hair behind his ear, pressing a kiss to his nose.
“A red chrysanthemum” He tilts your face, thumb caressing the skin behind your ear.
“Yeah?” you breathe, eyelashes brushing against your cheeks as his lips barely brush over your own, and Jimin hums.
You smile into the kiss, “And what do red chrysanthemums mean?” you whisper, arms wrapping around his shoulders.
“I love you”
You pull back, eyes widening a fraction. Three words that felt like they should be whispered, a secret that the two of you shared but never spoke about. You knew you loved Jimin in some capacity, you weren’t stupid. And you knew he liked you back, he’d made that known; and yet those three words had you feeling as though love was the only emotion that mattered. That the only thing you could ever do was love Jimin.
“Too soon?” he smiles, thumb running over your bottom lip.
You shake your head, “No, not at all”
“This is for you too then” His free hand slips into his pocket. Piece of paper tucked between two fingers, he drops it into your awaiting palm.
‘I love you ♡”
Young love didn’t have to be rushed. You didn’t have to stagger after Jimin as he pulled you along, or him chase after you as you sped ahead. It could be late-night talking about all the seemingly insignificant things in life. How hard growing up was or the insane expectations for success that neither of you had a chance of grasping.
Marriage didn’t have to be your only reason. Not when Jimin had become many of the reasons you liked waking up in the morning, or making lunch for the both of you to share on scarce breaks at work.
It could be slow dancing in the moonlight, as Jimin hums and crickets chirp. Or afternoons spent lounging in the sun with pinkies intertwined and breaths in sync. Or, now whispered ‘I love yous’ melting into soft kisses to cheeks and lips and noses. Or pink flushed cheeks and smiles that hurt your face, the good kind of hurt that makes you giggle and want one more gentle press of his lips to your own.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
You dip your fingers into the shallow edge of the lake, “It’s pretty cold”
You peek over your shoulder as Jimin pulls his shirt over his head, lithe muscles flexing under the motions of his movements. Every sharp line and soft ridge of his body was illuminated by the silver light of the moon.
“Guess we better warm up then” he grins, eyes raking down your body. They then linger on your face, and it’s not often you wonder what Jimin’s thinking. He usually speaks his mind, clingy shyness about his feeling for you never holding him back when it came to his thoughts.
You laugh, “Perv” your own shirt haphazardly shucked off your body, thrown into a pile with the rest of Jimin’s clothes.
His arm slips over your waist as you kick your panties off, goosebumps prickling the skin of your arms as your boyfriend takes a step into the lake.
His chest opens as the initial shock of the cold crawls up his spine. Jimin watches you fidget, arms wrapped around your bare breasts, “Come on, baby” he reaches a hand out for you, walking further until he’s waist-deep in the water.
An easy smile is on his face as he beckons you over, wading closer to you when you work up the courage to slink into the water. Your breath hitches as you take Jimin’s hand, legs wrapping around his waist. He throws your arms around his shoulders, murky water rippling around the both of you as he spins you around. Your bare chest pushes up against Jimin’s as you pull him closer, your body easing a little at the extra heat.
“You’re pretty” he murmurs, fingers digging into the meat of your thighs, hoisting you up a little higher.
You push his hair from his forehead, lips lingering over warm skin when you lean down to press a kiss over his hairline; your hands cupping his cheeks, eyes flickering across his face. You weren’t sure how to explain how you felt, Jimin had always been better at words than you had been.
It’s just, Jimin in the moonlight always felt right. Because for once the world fell silent, it felt like it finally belonged to just you and him. He looked ever so pretty dusted in silver, honeyed skin kissed by the wonders of the sky. Blemishes nothing but pretty places to kiss, each moment your lips touch his skin another reason for you to wonder how you even ended up here.
“I love you” you whisper.
But that never felt like enough. Three frail words that you utter over and over again, that should really lose their meaning over time, are the only words that ever seem to come to mind when it’s Jimin. Nothing fancy. Nothing poetic. Nothing that’s more than an ‘I love you’ because no matter how many times you seemed to say it, the weight of your words is always understood by Jimin.
And he laughs, “How abrupt of you”
You bite back a smile, “Sorry, it just came out”
“I might love you more, you know” His eyes close.
You press a kiss over his eyelids, “I think that’s impossible”
He hums, “I don’t”
He peeks an eye open, smiling when he sees the frown on your face.
“Every breath I take, and for every beat of my fragile heart, I will love you. Until the day I lay on my deathbed, and we must part ways, my love will be yours.” his eyes meet your own, “Though I know we’ll meet in the sky, and I’ll hand you my heart once more”
“And I’ll hand you mine” Your eyes search his, nails digging into the skin of his shoulders.
“I’m glad, my love. And I’ll cherish it for as long as you’ll allow me”
“Forever.” you say, wondering if his eyes really held galaxies or if they simply reflected the sky, “It’ll be yours forever”
“Then I have something to tell you”
Your eyebrows crease, and a strange sense of dread and excitement mixes inside of you. And you aren’t sure if you’re jittery from the cold or nerves or fear.
“What is it?” you urge.
Jimin swallows, hands travelling over your bare back and down your waist, “I’ve put down two gold coins for that house we had been talking about”
Your chest deflates, lungs wringing themselves out of all the air you had until you’re laughing. Almost falling backwards into the water if Jimin hadn’t pulled you closer to his body.
“Have you really?” you breathe, hand tangling into the hair on the back of his head, “Park Jimin, don’t lie to me”
He smiles, chest shaking with his own breathy laughter, “Never, my love. Truly it is going to be ours”
You shake your head, “How did you find the money for it”
“You know I have been working double shifts as of late” he hums, wet hands pushing your hair from your face, eager to see your blooming happiness.
“Yes, but I thought it was for your mother”
“She earns enough to feed herself, and I wanted a place of our own. And I know how much we’ve both dreamed of this moment, I had to do it”
“You’re perfect, you know that?” your lips mould into his, a moan of appreciation swallowed as you tilt your head; tongue poking at the seam of his lips.
“I do now” he huffs, pulling you in for another kiss by the back of your neck.
“We’re really going to have a home”
“Yes” he laughs, “Forever ours”
“I can’t believe it” you whisper, “Pinch me so I know it is real”
A moan gets caught in the back of your throat as Jimin’s teeth nip at the tender skin behind your ear, plush lips kissing over your skin, saliva slicked and heated.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
You think you can find your and Jimin’s love in the little wonders of the world. Because as much as he wanted to hand you the universe, both of you knew that was impossible. That your love was tucked away, safer when hidden in dreams of a shared future. Tucked away in a home that was now yours forever, because neither of you had plans of going anywhere.
As selfish as it may seem, you’d stolen spring to be your own. You’d met in the spring and found a place for yourselves as flowers bloomed. You were Jimin’s spring flower and he was the sun and the moon and all the pretty things in between.
It wasn’t hard to fall into a routine, your lives were like clockwork, never stopping. It had always been that way, except now you’d stay within the precious walls of your home, and Jimin would return to you before the sun slipped behind the horizon and dinner was finished cooking on the fire.
Most mornings the both of you would wake up before sunrise, and you’d eat near-stale bread on the chairs Jimin had made outside the front door. Where once or twice a butterfly had come to kiss your nose in good morning, and then Jimin would kiss the same place over and over until you’re both giggling like it was the first time you’d kissed.
And for the days he slipped out of the house before you woke, he would leave little letters around the house for you to find throughout the day.
‘Last night I saw a star as you slept, and it reminded me of your eyes. Briefly, I thought to wake you but after seeing you so at peace, I decided to join you instead ♡’
He’d always had a secret liking towards poetry and found himself sitting with a quill and paper as the moon sat in the sky, thinking of poems about you. And only the ones that made him smile, and made his heart jump up and down inside his chest did he ever leave on his pillow for you to wake up to the next morning.
You’d clean the floors between sewing as Jimin worked as a blacksmith, lithe frame bulking up over the last couple of months. And he would make sure to leave you a note before leaving the house, with every little thing he would find that he loved about you.
‘Today’s reason is your smile ♡’
Evenings were your favourite, as were Jimin’s. Both your bodies ease into one another’s as you sit on worn-down cushions while playing checkers that your father had carved for you as a child.
Or you’d simply lay your head over Jimin’s thigh as he sings for you under the stars. Bellies almost full and hearts the most content as the universe writes your love in shooting stars, its ink the soft glow of the moon.
“I have a surprise for you next week, so take the day off” Jimin’s fingers rake through your hair, tucking it ever so delicately behind your ear.
You peel your eyes open, “And what about your own work?”
“I have already asked for a day away, no problem” He smiles down at you.
“What sort of surprise is it?” your voice comes out barely above a whisper, carried by the wind to Jimin’s ears, who hums.
He runs his thumb over his bottom lip, “I mustn’t say, it will ruin it”
“But I’ll be curious” You jab a finger into his stomach, lips curling into a smile when he leans down to capture your lips.
“Poor thing” he whispers, stealing another kiss.
‘A clue to your surprise: It reminds me of you ♡’
“I still don’t know what it is” You slide Jimin’s most recent note across the table, and he shrugs.
“Your final clue” He hands you another piece of paper.
‘Think of when we first met’
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this excited” Jimin laughs, arm slung over your shoulders.
You skip ahead a little, walking backwards as you smile over at Jimin who takes one of your hands, helping you twirl as if you were a princess and he was the prince. You’d spent every night sewing a new dress with leftover fabric from the tavern; a special occasion called for a special outfit.
And Jimin had smiled and laughed so much he’d almost fallen off the back of his chair as you’d spun for him. He’d called you utterly beautiful and then tugged you over his lap for a kiss, maybe two.
“Of course, I’m excited. I’ve been eager to know what your surprise is”
“Happiness looks good on you, my love” Jimin stops walking, pulling you to his chest.
“Then I must look good all the time, with you around”
“Where do you learn these things” His hand covers his mouth, a lame attempt at covering his smile.
“You”
Jimin raises his eyebrows, astounded, “When have I ever been cheesy?”
“All the time. I’ll show you when we get home, I have all those letters you’ve left me”
“You kept all those?” he gapes, footsteps falling in time with your own as you both start wandering back down the gravel path.
“Of course. I still have the first ever one you gave me, and then all the ones that came after that”
You bite your bottom lip, willing yourself not to laugh when you catch sight of Jimin’s rose-dusted cheeks.
“Then you may think I’m extra cheesy today” he announces, fingers interlacing with your own.
“Is that so?” you hum, shoulder knocking against his arm.
Jimin turns to you, “Do you trust me?”
You blink.
“Of course”
“Then please close your eyes”
“Right now?” your head tilts, eyes squinting to gauge how far away the end of the pathway is, “It doesn’t seem like we’re anywhere that a surprise could be”
“We are” he turns to you, “It won’t be a surprise if you keep looking though”
You nod, eyes narrowing; sceptical.
“If this is where you secretly murder me then I swear on my grave I will come back from the dead Park Jimin”
He laughs, “It would be impossible to live in a world without you, I wouldn’t dare lay a hand on you if it weren’t for your own pleasure”
You bring your hands to cover your eyes, back straightening when Jimin takes hold of your arm, turning you in the direction of the forest.
“Careful, the path is uneven this way” He pulls you further under the blanket of trees.
“Are we almost there” you stumble, amused laugh shaking your shoulders as Jimin’s other hand falls onto your waist to keep you steady.
“Almost”
The both of you stumble to a stop, your eyes squeezing shut behind your hands as you wander into the sun, out of the shade.
“Are you ready?”
And you hear the unease in his voice, a week of pressure building up. Bubbling until it’s now fizzling out of him in nervous rivulets, hands clammy as they run up and down your arms. His feet shuffle against crunchy grass, and this might be the most jittery you’ve ever seen Jimin.
“Yes,” you tell him, keeping your eyes closed as you take hold of his hands, squeezing his fingers between your own. Jimin swallows, Adams's apple bobbing under the weight of it.
His eyes wander over your face, “May I kiss you?”
The corner of your lips curl up at that, “Yes” you nod, leaning into his touch when he cups your cheeks.
The tension in both your shoulders releases as your lips mould together, ever so slowly, neither of you rushing as Jimin’s tongue teases into your mouth. He laps up every little noise that slips off your tongue, sweet like nectar.
Your eyes slip open, entirely focused on Jimin’s. “I really hope you like it” He keeps your focus on him, foreheads still touching, noses knocking against one another.
“May I be honest with you?”
And he hums, “Yes, of course”
“If it’s from you, then I will always love it”
“That seems a little extreme” he laughs, though unease still chews away at his mind.
“I don’t think so. Surely you would like anything I gifted you”
He nods, “Of course, I would”
“Then it’s no different for me, so please don’t worry” you whisper, eyes slipping closed once more as you press a featherlight kiss to his plush lips.
“Keep your eyes closed for a moment” he whispers back, and you hum.
Jimin’s hands fall away from your body, shadow slipping away from behind your eyelids as he steps away from you.
“Open them”
And you do.
“Oh Jimin” you whisper, a twitch of your lip the first sign of a smile.
As far as you can see, there are just flowers. The most vibrant you have ever seen, almost glowing under the warm light of the sun. For all the flowers Jimin had given you over the years, you think there must be every colour he’d ever thought to bring you; all swaying in tandem as if it were the most beautiful ocean.
The field stretches until it meets the sky, land completely hidden by a blanket of wildflowers.
You don’t know where to look, so many places to look but only two eyes. Your head is pulled in every which direction, mouth falling open in awe.
“Where did you find this place?” your voice comes out breathless, gaze only briefly meeting Jimin’s before you’re drawn back to acres of untouched land. A whole ecosystem thriving on its own, untampered with by human life.
“On the way back from a job. It reminded me of you, and I knew I had to bring you here” he steps closer to you, fingers brushing against your own.
You turn to face Jimin, “It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. Thank you for sharing it with me”
You slip your fingers through Jimin’s, “Would you like to dance with me?”
“Right here?” his eyes widen.
You nod, tugging him towards the sea of flowers, “Yes”
“But we have no music” his resistance nothing more than a show as he makes no move to stop you.
Wild grass tickles both your ankles, delicate petals of smaller flowers caressing your bare legs as you hike your dress up.
“That doesn’t matter” you laugh, pulling him further and further until overgrown flowers dust over your waist like gentle fingers, and a butterflies’ wings tickle your cheek.
Jimin watches as you twirl, hands outstretched for him to come closer. Your body knocks into his as he pulls you into his chest. Both of you fall in sync, as curious hands wander over arms and backs, down to waists and hips.
You flinch when something wet hits your nose, Jimin turning his face to the sky.
“It looks like it’s about to rain,” he says, and you tilt your head to look, “Perhaps we should go home”
You shake your head, “But we only just got here”
“But the rain, my love” he takes your hands, taking a step back, though your feet stay planted in their spot.
“A little bit of rain never hurt anyone” You pull him back into your body, eyes squeezing shut as a raindrop collides with your lashes.
The both of you are washed in a gust of shade, the sun hidden behind dark clouds that bleed into the horizon.
“Won’t you dance with me?” you look up at Jimin, clothes starting to mould into your skin as the sky rains more unshed tears.
“I suppose” he grins, arm falling around your waist.
Your hair clings to your foreheads, sodden leaves wetly slapping against your arms and legs. Rouge petals that had plans of rotting on the soil now hanging on to your dress and Jimin’s pants.
Your dress doesn’t fan out like a royal’s would when Jimin spins you, neither is he really dressed like a prince but the both of you feel as though you could be of that status in that moment.
Your eyes fall shut, smile never leaving your face. It’s as though your body evaporates, that the world around you fizzles upwards in little bubbles and you follow their lead. Chasing after the light that shines down on you like a beacon.
Something strange tugs at your heart, sinking you further and further into the darkness as you kick upwards until you’re spinning and the world is spinning with you. And the darkness feels all too familiar, your footsteps practised perfectly as if a routine.
Hands roam your body. Both yours and his laughter muffled underwater, a whisp of a soul slipping through your fingers when you turn towards the deep timbre of another voice, a voice far deeper than Jimin’s. His laugh vibrates in your chest as phantom hands graze against your naked skin. And he’s calling your name, your mouth opening to call back except nothing but air puffs past your lips; air bubbles caressing your cheeks as they float upwards.
Your feet move on their own without much thought as you turn in every which direction, only to ever be met by darkness; feet caught in quicksand that has you sinking further away from the light.
There’s something on the tips of your fingers as you reach out and an awful pressure squeezes at your chest and the echo– the echo of a voice you’ve heard before. Everything is awfully jumbled, words shoved down your throat, acidic in your stomach– poison as it absorbs into your bloodstream.
You stumble over your feet chasing after where the stranger’s voice had come from and suddenly your eyes are open as you collide with the floor. Brain rattling within the confines of your skull and your whole world shakes a along with you.
Jimin’s arms cage your head, chest heaving as he holds himself up over your body.
You feel puddles of water and sodden soil soak into the back of your dress as you sink further into the ground.
“Sorry” he whispers, droplets of water from his hair falling onto your cheeks.
“It’s okay, I forgot where I was for a moment” you admit, a smile pulling at the corner of your lips.
“I could tell” he laughs, falling back onto his heels.
Jimin tugs you up by your arms, pushing your wet hair out of your face.
“Maybe we should go home” he murmurs, “I’d hate to have another accident”
You nod, “I think that’s a good idea”
“Let’s go home, my love” he pushes himself to stand, and you glance down at your hands.
“Did you hear another man’s voice?” you blink away the rain from your lashes, Jimin’s eyebrows furrowing.
“No? It’s only the two of us here” he takes your hands, helping you up, “Did you hear someone?”
You shake your head, “No, it must have been something else”
“You know” Jimin starts as you trek out of the flowers, “I’ve never met anyone that loves dancing in the rain as much as you”
“I can’t explain the feeling” You turn to him, the smallest of smiles on your face.
“Then should we dance every time it rains?”
“I always dance when it rains” You pull him closer to your side, a futile attempt to steal some of his body heat.
“Yes, but I always watch. Maybe I’ll join you from now on”
“I would like that” you hum.
And that should have been the end of it. A conversation left in the past where its only leeway into your future is Jimin joining you the next time it decides to rain. Except, you couldn’t stop thinking about it.
It was rotten how for those few moments the world hadn’t been yours, and Jimin hadn’t been Jimin, and you hadn’t been you. Or that the other voice that had definitely been in your head, a whisper in your ear, an echo on the other side of the dark plane. A siren’s song pulling you further into your own demise, forbidden land you should have never passed over.
It shouldn’t have been anything more than how much you truly loved dancing in the rain, where it was just something you had always loved and always done without thinking much about it.
You turn your head to look at Jimin who lay beside you, finally asleep after the both of you had taken a bath. So at peace with himself and the world, as the weight of emotions, you’re unfamiliar with breathe down the back of your neck and you lay awake.
It’s when you close your eyes, you start to fall. And the eyes that meet yours when you open them aren’t Jimin’s.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
For every life you lived after this one, the love you had here will cling onto you forever, sticky like you’d dipped your fingers in molasses. And maybe it’s because this had been the first time you’d learnt what love truly was, or maybe Taehyung had carved such a large hole in your heart that only he could ever truly fill. So even in life after him, he continues to burrow inside of you as his soul finally rests.
Pure love was an addicting feeling. And maybe Taehyung had made you greedy, grabbing onto such a wonderful feeling over and over until it destroyed you. It wasn’t fair to blame him, but surely your greed had stemmed from somewhere.
And love could only ever be as magical as you’d imagined it if it begins with Taehyung.
And so, the story of your first life, and therefore your first love starts with Kim Taehyung.
Taehyung and Jimin had been the most similar of your loves. Both of them had always liked the more delicate things in life.
Taehyung liked to read how whimsical the ocean was, white seafoam as gentle as clouds, and waves that caressed ankles that wandered the shore. Or how the stars always seemed that little bit brighter when you were in love, the universe shining its approval of something so perfect. He liked the idea of faeries that danced under the light of the moon, or reading forbidden love stories and poems that hurt his heart. Only to be mended with stories of truer love and lifetimes dedicated to another being.
Taehyung’s sole purpose in life was to become a duke and run the estate after his father passed. Except he had never liked to be shoved into a mould, crafted by hands that had no care, rough as they shaped him. He despised the fact his life was gifted to him just so he could be chained to a role he had no purpose of fulfilling.
His spirit had always been that of a wild bird, curious about things he had no business knowing, and wanting to wander where forbidden.
He loved the freedom that birds had, how beautiful their feathers were, gliding through the sky without a care in the world. They had something he didn’t, and maybe his admiration had stemmed from some weird sense of jealousy. But, that never stopped the look of pure joy on his face whenever he caught a glimpse of a dove dancing on the waves of the wind.
One of Taehyung’s hobbies had become complaining about his classes. The both of you giggled under one of the trees outside his window, shoulders knocking against each other’s as he told you stories of how his politics tutor was surely a witch, and there was no doubt in his mind that his literature teacher was a ghoul.
The world felt as though it were crumbling at his feet on the days the two of you couldn’t meet. And so, he’d send you letters in secret, asking to meet at the front gate of the estate; where he’d hand you flowers through the bars, or kiss the back of your hand, only to beckon you closer when that doesn’t feel like enough. His plush lips warming your cheeks until he finds your lips and the both of you are melting into cold metal bars, the shyest smiles on both your faces when a maid catches the both of you.
Most days were spent in the garden, or the drawing room where the both of you could talk for hours. You liked flicking through catalogues of dresses for the coming seasons, always asking Taehyung what he thought. Wondering if he’d like a new broach for his jackets, or if a new waistcoat would suit him. How wonderful the both of you would look matching, with a handkerchief you’d embroidered for him sat in his breast pocket– every gentle prick of the needle through fabric and each delicate line of tread, laced with love that lays beside his gently beating heart.
Taehyung liked to recount all the things he adored about love, reciting poems and lines of novels he’d read before bed, and then telling you everything he adored about you. Because ‘love’ and ‘you’ should always fall in the same sentence in his eyes. Love would never truly be ‘love’ if you weren’t in the picture. Your silhouette was painted within each frame of his life, tucked in corners of the canvas or slipped far within his heart and mind.
Taehyung and love were perhaps a synonym of one another.
He was the epitome of love.
All things romance and passion, and all things special between two people that have you shy and kicking your feet. Every moment feels like the long-awaited kiss after chapters of build-up and tension, where you have to look away from the book for a brief moment to recollect your thoughts and then bite your nails to hide a smile.
If you had to describe Taehyung in one word, you think you’ll always gravitate towards eccentric.
“I think the reason I was born, was to love you” he’d told you one evening, the stars like a halo around his head as he’d taken your hands into his own.
You hadn’t known what to say, the corners of your lips quirking up at the sides because, of course, he’d utter such sweet words while the both of you laze in the gardens. Not quite ready to part ways just yet. Even if your carriage had been sat outside the house for over an hour, and your supper was probably sat on the table at home.
“What a sorry reason to be born” you’d whispered back.
“I don’t think so. The opposite, in fact” he tugs you a little across the grass, closer between his legs, “What is the point of life if it isn’t for unconditional love? And a mind that functions with the sole purpose of loving another?”
Maybe it was that moment that you realised you loved love. That you loved loving Taehyung and you loved that he loved you just as much as you loved him, if not more.
“Then, you’re my reason for living” It had fallen off your tongue quicker than you had thought to catch it. Though the smile that had stretched onto Taehyung’s face is one that will forever be etched into your mind, it had been innocent, content.
You’d seen him smile so many times and yet, something had shifted in your mind, any qualms you had about letting go and succumbing to the purest form of adoration had fizzled out in both your hands.
Because life wasn’t so bad when you had someone to love.
“Just as you are my reason to live” he says.
“I hope the both of us live forever so I never forget this feeling” you’d interlaced your fingers, cheeks flushing the lightest pink that’s veiled by the silver moonlight. Though he probably feels how warm you are when he cups your face, pressing a kiss over the tip of your nose.
“Forever?” he hums, “Even if you were to forget, I would remind you over and over for as long as we’re together, and every life after that”
“I’ll remind you too then” you promise, though Taehyung laughs, chest vibrating under the weight of his voice.
“I could never forget, not when it comes to you, my love”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
You don’t remember when you’d met Taehyung, you think he’d always just been there.
Perhaps the both of you had snuck out of a ball back in the day, two rowdy children giggling on the balcony as you whispered about guests. Which ones you liked, or the ones your mothers’ would mutter about under their breath. The both of you had done it so many times that it would be fitting for your first encounter. A habit the both of you would keep up as you grew older as well.
Or maybe the both of you had camped out under the tables while your mothers flitted from group to group, and you’d stolen cakes from plates and perfectly cut sandwiches from unattended trays. Where you’d exchange slices of tomato for his pieces of cucumber, and you’d both share squares of cake from one fork.
Friends from childhood had started bleeding into something a little more as the two of you grew and realized that maybe friendship wasn’t enough for either of you. And maybe that had been the little seedling from where your never-ending greed stemmed from. A constant feral need for constant love that was depicted in careful strokes of paintings and well-thought-out words bled onto a page with dark ink.
Taehyung had known early on that it was always going to be you he married. There was no doubt in his mind that you were going to wed. It was not often he put his foot down when it came to the choices made for him in life, and making it a point he had no interest in any other woman than you, had always been a point he’d made extremely clear.
Marriage hadn’t been something you’d put much thought into until Taehyung would bring it up as you drank tea together of an afternoon. And after the little seed of possibility had been planted in your mind, you knew you wanted to marry Taehyung.
And you’d never second-guessed yourself, because if it was going to be anyone, then it was going to be your best friend.
“If I were to wear a white dress, would you wear a white suit?” you lay the magazine over your chest. Taehyung pushes his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose when he tilts his head down to look at you; head resting over his thigh.
“If that is what you want” he hums, “White flowers may be too much, so let’s add colour”
You run a finger over your bottom lip, “Purple?”
“Of course” he nods, “I’ll braid them into your hair too” his fingers tickle over your hairline.
You push yourself to sit up on your elbows, “I think it’s bad luck if the groom sees the bride in her dress on the morning of the wedding”
Taehyung runs his thumb over his bottom lip, “To hell with tradition”
“Your mother isn’t going to be very happy” you smile, “All she ever talks about is the perfect wedding”
Taehyung smiles, “Yes, but it isn’t her wedding. I think I’d be beyond miserable if we weren’t to see each other, I must tell you how beautiful you look before we meet at the end of the alter”
“It would only be a few hours” you press, eyebrows raising.
“A few hours too many. Who is supposed to help me with my tie if not you?”
You fully sit up now, “You’d have a maid or two aiding you”
Taehyung frowns, whatever paperwork he was reading long forgotten on the couch as he tugs your legs over his thighs, fingers dancing over the bare skin covered by your skirt.
“But they don’t do it as you do, and I have to look my best the day we tie souls and vow to be lovers for the rest of our time alive. It’s an important day”
“I suppose you’re right” you hum, brushing his hair from his forehead, “I too, would be lonely if we were to part on such a joyous day”
It hadn’t been long after the both of you had entered adulthood that Taehyung’s father had died, and only a few months after that the two of you had gotten married.
You’d worried for Taehyung, knowing that even though his relationship with his father had never been the best, at least a small part of him should have been sad that his soul had left to rest. But no matter how much you lightly prodded, and made sure to ask if he were okay, Taehyung never shed a tear.
He never truly found a way to articulate his feelings; losing someone he never saw as a father left the smallest hole in his heart. A pinprick, because Taehyung wasn’t heartless and knew the old man had brought him into this world, something he will forever be grateful for– but that was it.
For the thousands of days you and Taehyung had spent together, the day he had proposed would be your second favourite of them all. He hadn’t made it extravagant, nor did he make it a huge point by proposing at a large gathering. He knew you despised those sorts of events, so he had asked you to be his bride at your favourite spot.
The pond in Taehyung’s gardens had always been your favourite. It felt as though the world only belonged to the two of you when you spent evenings alone, sat on the bench, where fireflies danced over the water, their reflection like little stars scattered across the pond, the moon so much larger in its reflection than it looked in the sky.
The day of your wedding, and all the days after that would forever take the top spot.
Taehyung had always loved your soul. He knew you were pretty, of course, you were; you were the most ethereal being he had ever come across.
The faeries and pretty little wonders he read about, he always pictured you in their place. But it wasn’t always about the way you looked that had Taehyung coming back for more, or his heart thumping ever so hard against the skin of his chest whenever you were around.
He thought you had the most wonderful soul that he liked to dip his fingers into, gentle like the softest waves, or cradle it to his chest. The most delicate part of you, ever so precious, the rawest form of yourself that he’d hold on to for as long as he was allowed. Because if one day the two of you were to ever part, he’d find the path of your soul, trace his fingers through every dip and curve he’d memorized, and make his way back to your side.
The night of your wedding, the night the both of you had given yourself to one another fully, was never a moment Taehyung thought he’d be ready for. It’s not that he was second-guessing his choice– sometimes in life the moments we’ve been waiting for feel like a lifetime away. So many hours and even more minutes between now and then, that when the day stumbles before you in all its joyous glory, no amount of falling into your mind in silent preparation had ever truly prepared you for this.
Taehyung had worshipped your body like you were his only goddess, you were his religion, his reason for life and death and everything he breathed and consumed in his fragile mortal body. Your souls knotting as your lips pressed so gently against one another, their pinkies forever intertwined as they melted like candle wax and hardened as one lifeform.
Taehyung particularly loved the feeling of your nails digging into the delicate skin of his shoulders. A feeling forever ingrained into his mind, sending a shiver up his spine when his mind wanders to how you looked in candlelight, spread bare for him to defile.
The both of you felt as though the honeymoon phase was nothing but lies, an easy scare for those who fell too fast, drowning in acidic love that dragged two people away from one another in harsh waves. Because for you and Taehyung, it never ended.
Every day that you woke up to Taehyung beside you, had you burying your face in your pillow, smile so hard to contain you covered it up with a kiss to Taehyung’s lips as he slowly woke up.
“I love you” he’d murmur, eyes barely open.
“I love you more” a hand cupping his cheek, you’d press a kiss to his jaw; sometimes tickled by the stubble that had grown in.
Something ever so mundane, yet it always seemed to bring you so much happiness.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
For a week during the summer, Taehyung would hand his duties over to his assistant and take you away for a short vacation.
You liked the little house the both of you owned on the other side of town, secluded from the rest of the world.
It had been one summer when your love for rain had started. You often found yourself reading by the window when the summer showers would pay you a visit, dousing the garden in muddy puddles and the gentle pitter-patter of the world’s tears hitting the ground easy white noise as you danced across pages of books. Or simply watched Taehyung sits on the piano bench, only so he could sit in your company.
Taehyung had always loved playing the piano, one of his many loves that he’d buried with the immense amount of work that had piled on to him since taking the seat as head of the household. The grand piano that sat in the far room of the house was his secret door of salvation.
“Will you play me a piece?” you motion towards the piano, doors to the garden hooked open. Sure to slam shut with the wind picking up. The air was a little sweeter that afternoon, a gentle breeze raking through your hair, licking at the tops of the pages of your book.
“I haven’t played for a while” Taehyung closes his own book, “But if it’s for you, I could never say no”
You take a seat beside Taehyung as he flexes his fingers, gently running his hand over the ivory keys.
“Would you like me to get your music book?” you lay your head on his shoulder.
He shakes his head, “No, it’s alright. I doubt I’d remember how to read much of it anyways”
“Do you remember my favourite piece?”
Taehyung’s tongue wets his bottom lip, “I should hope so”
Your eyes close as the first note penetrates the air, your head jostling slightly as Taehyung reaches the other end of the keys, his cheek knocking against the top of your head. The tips of his fingers dance elegantly, gentle with each deep hum of the piano’s song.
You perk up at the first sound of rain, barely there, almost concealed by Taehyung as his movements become bolder, each thick note more pronounced, each deep hum vibrating through your skin.
You lift your head from his shoulder, “I didn’t think it would rain today”
You take one look at Taehyung, the smallest smile teasing at his lips when you stand. You kick your slippers off by the open door, toes curling into the damp grass as you step outside.
You blink as a raindrop falls on your nose, slipping until it’s wetting your lips. You turn back to look at Taehyung, waving when he lifts his head to look at you; and he winces when he presses the wrong note.
You wander further into the garden, hiking your skirt up so it won’t drag across the wet soil.
As the rain gets heavier the sound of the piano is slowly drowned out, the world yours for the moment before you’re turning back to Taehyung.
“Tae” you call back inside, beckoning him over when he turns towards you, “Come dance with me”
The piano is left and forgotten as Taehyung pushes himself to stand, shoes piled with your slippers as Taehyung steps into the garden. He slinks towards you, hair starting to cling to his forehead as the rain gets heavier.
“You’ll catch a cold” he takes your hand, tugging you into his chest.
“But the world is so beautiful when it rains”
“Just this once I’ll indulge you” he presses a kiss to your forehead.
As much as the world looks wonderful in that moment, Taehyung outshined it all. Your clothes stuck to the both of you like a second skin, your hair tickling the side of your face, clinging to you like sticky wet vines down the back of your neck.
Taehyung’s hands wander your body, pulling you closer when you start to drift away– your hips finally falling in sync. All those hours of classes on how to dance are washed away by the rain as the both of you stumble, almost falling over each other’s feet.
“Look” you point towards the back of the estate, “there’s a rainbow” you laugh.
Taehyung follows your line of sight, “How pretty” he hums, his hands falling to your waist.
Your fingers tease over his chest, heart hammering under his skin, mere seconds away from jumping out of his skin. Taehyung’s hands wander further down, a surprised moan catching in the back of your throat when he grabs the meat of your ass; tugging you into his body. And you can feel his growing erection against your stomach.
“Not in the garden” you whisper, fingers trailing lower until you’re gently tugging at his belt.
Taehyung leans down, warm breath fanning the side of your neck. He presses a wet kiss to the unblemished skin, “I wouldn’t give the serving staff the pleasure of seeing you fall apart for me” he whispers, sodden hair falling over your shoulder.
You take his hands from where they’re teasing over the top of your thighs, “Let’s go” you take long strides back towards the house.
“Where to, my love?” he trails after you, the most giddy smile on his face.
You look at him over your shoulder, “Our bedroom”
Your feet slap wetly against the tile floors, muddy footprints trailing behind the both of you. Youthful joy thrums throughout your body, giggles hard to keep down as the both of you stagger through the hallway towards the bedroom.
Taehyung’s overzealous in the way he opens the door, and you both wince when it bangs against the wall. The briefest clarity grazes your mind before lust sets back in, and all you can focus on is the incessant throbbing between your legs, and the man stood before you.
You kick the door closed, Taehyung pulling his wet shirt over his head when you turn back to him– your dress is soon to follow.
“Would you mind helping me?” you turn your back to Taehyung, shoulders curling inwards as his fingers trace over the intricate ribbing of your corset.
He’s gentle as he tugs at the ribbons, and you heave a sigh of relief, muscles finally easing a little. Dull throb sinks out of your ribs as you heave a deep breath.
You turn around, Taehyung’s eyes trailing to your bare chest, curving down the slope, fingers itching at his sides to sink and dig his nails into the plush flesh. He swallows, Adams's apple bobbing under the weight of desire.
“My beautiful wife” he whispers, hands running up the length of your arms before he’s teasing the edge of your breasts. You trace over his belt, tugging impatiently as he pulls you towards the bed.
You fall backwards onto the mattress, air momentarily punched from your lungs. Taehyung’s arms cage your head, thigh nudging your legs open for him.
Your wet hair sticks to your neck, small droplets of water falling over your cheeks from Taehyung’s own hair as his eyes wander over your face. Windows to his soul wide open as sickly sweet love dances within his eyes, adoration you know you’ll never get from another man bared naked, yours for the taking.
You rut up against his knee, damp cotton panties dragging deliciously against your clit.
Taehyung’s arms flex as he leans down, plush lips trailing down your jaw, gently plucking soft moans from the back of your throat with every mean nip of his teeth over delicate skin.
Your thighs clamp around Tae’s leg, arms slithering around his shoulders as you use him for your own pleasure, short bursts of pure arousal wracking up your body with every purposeful tense of his muscles.
“Good girl” he groans, falling to hold himself up by his elbows as his lips map out the rest of your body– kissing over your neck, the underside of your breasts, down towards your stomach. You whine as he kneels before you, hips bucking upwards to try and chase the slowly fizzling pleasure.
He kisses your mound over your underwear, tips of his fingers barely brushing over your clit as he trails them down towards your covered folds. Thumb splitting your labia, guttural groan rumbling from his chest as he feels your slick heat.
He can’t seem to stifle the chuckle that slips past his lips either as you whine, the most pitiful pout tugging onto your face as he teases you.
“How needy” he croons, adding a little more pressure over your entrance, “I’ll make sure to make you feel good”
You lift your hips, a silent invitation for him to tug your panties off, and he does, dropping them beside him; forgotten as he looks at your slick soaked pussy.
“Tae” you whisper, impatient as your fingers tangle into his wet hair, careful as you try and tug him closer to where you needed him most without hurting him.
“Hm?” he hums, fingers digging into the meat of your thighs as he pushes them open a little wider, making it easier for him to slip closer to his favourite place.
Your toes curl as he bends, placing the lightest kiss over your clit, “Want you”
“Want you too, my love” he murmurs, hot breath fanning over your folds.
He licks a bold stripe from your entrance to your clit, tongue dipping past your walls before he’s pulling back, wad of spit dribbling over your already sodden cunt.
Your thighs threaten to twitch closed, and when Taehyung notices this he tugs them over his shoulders, dragging you a little further to the edge of the bed.
His thumb teases over your clit, thrumming at the sensitive little bud as he pushes his tongue back inside of you. The moan you let out is sure to have echoed down the halls, your embarrassment only amplified when you feel another dribble of slick gush past your walls, sure to coat Taehyung’s chin shiny.
“M’ gonna cum” you hiccup, hips frantically bucking upwards as Taehyung further smothers his face into your pussy.
He hums, a new wave of arousal coursing through your body at the unexpected vibrations.
It’s a haphazard flick of your clit that has you tumbling head first into your orgasm, thighs quivering as they clamp around Taehyung’s head, though that doesn’t seem to deter him as he licks into your cunt, swallowing down your release.
“S’ too much” you sob, hands pushing your lover from between your thighs. He kisses your knee, head flopping across your leg as he looks up at you.
Your stomach clenches at the dopey smile on his face, thumb running over his bottom lip, still shiny with your arousal.
“Are you tired, my love?” he asks, fingers curling around your wrists, kissing your palm, then the tips of each finger.
You shake your head, “I can still go if you’d like”
“This isn’t about me, it’s about you”
You swallow, unexplainable love swelling inside your chest.
“Please make love to me” you whisper, pink hue deepening in shade on your cheeks as Taehyung stands at full height, shucking off whatever clothes he still had on.
You can’t help but wet your lips, watching as he runs a gentle hand over his length, slicking his cock up with pearly beads of precome.
You push yourself up further on the bed, legs falling open as Taehyung kneels before you.
He runs a finger through your folds, barely dipping a fingertip inside of you before he’s pulling out, pushing your thighs further apart.
He guides his cock to your entrance, slicking the head with your cum before he’s gently pushing into you. Your mouth falls open in a silent moan, cunt clenching around Taehyung’s length as he gently rocks into you.
He groans, barely pulling out before feeding you another inch. His hands roam up the length of your body as he finally bottoms out, hips rutting into you by habit.
You wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down for a kiss which he melts into, eyes fluttering shut as he tilts his head, tongue teasing over the seam of your lips.
He licks up into your mouth, concoction of your saliva clinging to his tongue when he pulls back.
“Ready?” he murmurs against your lips.
“Mmhmm” you hum, muscles falling lax as Taehyung pushes your thighs up to your chest. He almost pulls out, the air punched from your lungs as he snaps back into you.
Unabashed, you moan, Taehyung’s name tumbling from your lips like it were the only word you knew as he thrusts into you.
It’s wet when Taehyung’s thighs meet your ass, sticky with arousal that clings to both your skin and moans a harmony with one another.
Your hand snakes down the length of your body, between your thighs, teasing over your clit as Taehyung throws his head back, utterly consumed by unadulterated pleasure.
“Together” he groans, hips losing their calculated pace.
His cockhead nudges over your sweet spot, a whine dripping off your lips that Taehyung catches, kiss messy, teeth clashing.
You pick up the pace on your clit, fizzling pleasure slipping down your spine, slick gushing from your hole, so many feelings, so many emotions– all amplified as endorphins buzz at your brain, a shockwave of dopamine setting you alight.
You feel Taehyung twitch between your walls, your pussy clenching sporadically around his length as he nears his orgasm.
Taehyung tips over the edge before you do, creamy white cum painting your walls in thick ropes. Your own orgasm following as you feel another wave of Taehyung’s seed flood your cunt.
His hips twitch as you continue to clench around him, pushing his release further into you.
Your chest stutters as you try and catch your breath, fingers splayed over your mound as you fall back into reality.
Your moan as Taehyung pulls out, a hiccup following as he presses a kiss to your cheek. His fingers gather up the dribble of cum that follows his cock, pushing it back inside of you. And you twitch at that, overstimulated.
He reaches behind your head for a pillow, your thighs falling to the bed, to which Taehyung tuts.
“Lift your hips up for me, darling” he soothes, singular hand gathering both your ankles, pulling the lower half of your body from the mattress so he can slip the pillow underneath you.
“You’d look awfully pretty baring my child” his hand trails down your stomach, over your womb.
“I hope this time we are lucky” you tell him, finger interlacing with the ones over your stomach.
“Me too, my love. Our child would be the most precious little thing”
You smile, eyes slipping shut as you paint the image of what your baby would look like, “I hope they look like you”
“I’d always wished they’d look like you. Their mother holds all the beauty of this cruel world”
You can’t help the laugh that bubbles from your chest, “Then how about they look like the both of us, as their father shares all of that beauty”
“That would be wonderful” Taehyung pushes himself off the bed, slipping on a robe that had been forgotten on one of the chairs that morning.
“What if they aren’t a boy?” your hands fall over your chest, watching Taehyung as he gathers the bowl of water and towels.
He turns to look at you, “What would it matter if they were a girl?” his eyebrows furrow.
“Wouldn’t you need an heir”
He wets his bottom lip, “Boy or girl, I’m not bothered, my love. If we were to have a son then I would never subject them to the horrors of becoming heir. And if we have a precious little daughter, I would love her all the same, and if one day she decides she wants to take over the estate then I would let her”
The corners of your lips tug up into a smile, “Then I am glad” Your hand finds his as he takes a seat beside you on the bed, dipping the towel into water, gently dragging it over your sweat-slicked skin.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
Falling in love with Taehyung had made you a lot of things.
Juvenile had never been on top of that list, though when you think about it, it really should have been. Or that somewhere written in the fine print of your story, neither of you would die, that you’d both freeze in time and continue your lives for the rest of eternity.
Some days when you’d sit alone, you wish Monet had been around during your life with Taehyung. His paintings as beautiful as the love you shared. Paintings full of purpose, the world through the eyes of a man– impressionist paintings that had so much raw colour, so much more vibrance than the real world.
You wish he’d have been able to put paint to canvas, where every gentle stroke of his brush was a piece of stupid, young naivety put into breath-taking art. Meaningful, purposeful, and beautiful. Because your ignorance would have made a beautiful collection, a series of a time when the future wasn’t as perfect as his art. Bringing both you and your lover to downfall.
Your life was not the art of Monet, nor was it as mesmerising as Van Gogh’s Starry Night. You weren’t frozen in time like you were part of history, forever documented on paper and hung for the world to see.
You were naive enough to think that with Taehyung’s new rise to power, somewhat unexpected in high society, he wouldn’t have one or two enemies.
The end of your first life hadn’t been what you had wanted it to be.
As much as you remember the day you had gotten married or all the afternoons you and Taehyung had spent in the garden, dancing in the rain, under rainbows and the sun that peeked through the clouds, there to celebrate your love just as much as the both of you were; what was supposed to be the perfect ending like all the far-fetched stories Taehyung read, this was more of a tragedy.
Because that’s what it was– farfetched.
You remember the afternoon that the perfect life you had, had crumbled. Sand slipping through your fingers, falling to the bottom of the hourglass.
You lay on the couch, your foot tapping against the arm, Taehyung’s quil tinking against the bottle of ink. In recent months you’d found yourself reading Taehyung’s favourite books, all of their spines worn down, loved and read over and over.
“Do you smell that?” you push yourself up onto your elbows, the book laid over your lap.
“Smell what, my darling?” he takes off his glasses, hand running over his tired eyes.
Your eyes meet Tae’s, “Something smells as though it’s burning”
The both of you sit in silence for a moment before Taehyung pushes his chair back, peering out the window. His fingers try and pull at the latch, finding it stuck, and he turns back to you.
“Maybe I’m imagining it” you tell him when you see his eyebrows furrow.
“I can definitely smell something” he turns back to you, “I can’t tell what. Go and call someone to open this window, it’s jammed”
Your book is dropped onto the couch as you push yourself up, you go to open the door to Taehyung’s office, only for the door not to open. You push a little harder, shoulder knocking uncomfortably against the hardwood.
You press an ear to the door.
“What’s wrong?” Taehyung asks, stalking towards you.
“It won’t open”
Taehyung makes a noise from the back of his throat, and you step out of the way when he takes hold of the door handle.
He mirrors your earlier action, shoulder knocking against the door.
“It won’t open” he turns to you.
“I know, my love” A gentle smile moulds onto your lips.
You press your ear to the door again, “Do you hear that?”
Taehyung follows; ear pressed to the door, “Burning?”
“Burning?” you stand straight.
You crouch down, fingers feeling over the gap between the floor and door, “Hello?” you call out, hand flinching away as heat licks over your fingers.
“Is anyone there?” Taehyung shouts, fist banging against the door.
“Taehyung” you tug at his shirt, trying to pull him away from the door. He relents, taking a step forwards, “Taehyung, it’s a fire” You take his hand.
“What?”
“It’s a fire” You show him your fingertips, hands shaking slightly as the reality of what was happening settles in.
“You’re hurt” he murmurs, “If one of the staff would just answer we could treat your wounds” his lips barely brush over the burn.
“Taehyung it’s barely an injury, not when we’re locked in here with a fire right outside that door”
He swallows, “We’ll find a way out”
“How?” you dare ask, “We can’t go out the window, that’s suicide from this high up”
His foot taps against the floor, hand running over his jaw in thought.
Your focus is snatched away from your lover when something creaks, burning flames slithering under the crack under the door, molten snakes with no goal in mind.
Taehyung pulls you further into his office, the door crackling as the flames start to chew it up, an onslaught of heat spilling into the room. You can smell the gasoline, splintered wood glistening in it as the door creaks off its hinges, flinging the fire further into the office, and you watch as it singes over the carpet.
The flames dance before you, a mesmerising dance, crawling up the walls, heated footsteps stalking across the rug, heady puffs of carbon monoxide smoking into the air.
Your hand flies to cover your mouth when a thin wisp of smoke slips down your windpipe, tickling your throat and searing at the inside of your lungs.
Taehyung pulls you into his chest as you back into the wall furthest away from the fire, “It’s going to be okay” he heaves, his own hand covering his nose and mouth, dry cough spluttering past his lips.
Your eyes squeeze shut as the fire slinks closer to the both of you, dangerously close, teasing as it flicks at your ankles, its amble arms chewing up the bookcases, rage only amplifying with each novel it consumes.
You catch sight of a silhouette standing outside the office, body veiled by thick flames that continue to slink into the office. Another splash of gasoline only makes it burn brighter, sweat tickling the back of your neck.
Your arms slip around Taehyung’s waist, and he helps you both sit on the ground, arms now holding your shoulders. A lame attempt at holding you away from the blazing fire that creeps closer.
Your lungs can’t seem to get enough oxygen, panic setting into your bones as you heave for a full breath. Your eyes water as you choke on what should have been a rush of oxygen, only your lungs burn with the ash that settles inside of you, clinging to your windpipe– coating the inside of your mouth.
“Try not to–” Taehyung coughs, hand lifting to clasp around his throat, cheeks flushing a deep red “-breathe it in too much– cyanide”
A yelp gets caught in your throat as the flames flicker too close to you, singing the hem of your dress. You try and kick it away, hand flapping down to make sure the fire doesn’t chew at any more of your clothing. You try to ignore the prickly burn to your bare skin, eyes squeezing shut as you try and curl in on yourself to make you smaller.
You tug on Taehyung’s shirt, dry cough lurching your body forward that Taehyung tries to catch only to heave.
“I love you” you whisper, the both of you cornered. Nowhere to run.
The figure stood outside the office long gone, fire now out of their control. A wild beast that had no plans of stopping until it had chewed and gnawed at your home, until it had nothing to fuel it anymore, leaving behind piles of ash and broken dreams– charred bodies and guilty minds to the ones who had started this.
You flinch backwards when Taehyung’s desk folds in on itself, flames spitting out its joy as the planks of wood slowly char under the heat; a warning for your own destiny.
His fingers lace into the hair on the back of your head, pulling you into him, “And I love you. When the both of us are reborn, I will find you, and we can fall in love all over again” he manages, the flames looking like hellish wings behind his back, slowly licking at his shirt, sizzling the fabric– more chemicals sifting through the air and into your fragile lungs.
Taehyung curls further into you when the fire licks at his shoes, easily chewing through the leather, deft fingertips tracing up his legs, and over his body.
“Don’t say that” Your fingers loosen their grasp on his shirt as you heave for another breath, mind entirely gone as you spin, the world spinning with you. Your brain felt as though it were being flushed out with helium, pressure so much you think it might explode.
Your eyes squeeze shut.
And when you open again, Jimin’s there.
His eyes still wide with shock.
You feel bile rise up your throat at the sight of him, blood smeared across his perfect face, puncture still oozing red from his neck soaking through his shirt fully. Your floor is in no better shape, though you think there's as much of your own blood as there is his.
“Jimin?” you whisper, vision momentarily veiled by salty tears that fall down your cheeks like pitiful pearls, mixing with the crimson the drips from a gash in your head, dull ache migrating to behind your eyes.
“Jimin you have to wake up now. Please”
He doesn’t move, not when you hear footsteps from the other room– heavy boots that clatter against old wood– not when you call his name. Not when the front door creaks closed and the world is silent once more, or when your chest stutters out another breath and you feel another wave of blood gush out of your stomach, adding to the puddle below the both of you.
“Jimin” you call again, choking on your own sob, fists balling up, “Jimin, please don’t leave me. I’m scared”
You look into his eyes. Nothing. All signs of life spilt onto the floor.
In a sick and twisted way, you’re glad Jimin had gone before you.
You’d have hated it if he had to watch you dead on the bedroom floor while he slowly follows you. At least now you could be with him a little longer, even if you couldn’t tell him goodbye for the last time. Or tell him how much you love him, or how happy he’d made you, or how grateful you are.
So many words left unsaid, that you swallow back down with a sob. And they mix with the bile that singes your throat, so close to spilling onto the puddle of red as you make eye contact with your dead lover.
You drag your body through the blood on the floor, closer until your chest is pressed against Jimin’s and your body falls lax against him, arm slung over his side.
You press the palm of your hand against your open wound, what little hope you had left inside of you, the smallest voice whispering that maybe you could survive. Though somewhere deeper down you know that your soul will soon follow Taehyung’s, and now Jimin's too.
You push your head into the curve where his neck meets his shoulder, tangy, metallic blood staining your lips as you kiss over the tainted skin.
He was still warm, skin still very much his as your fingers skim over his back. Ever so gentle as though he would crack if you weren’t careful. And you would have gathered him up in your arms if you’d had the strength.
And at that final moment when it settles within your mind and your heart that your body can no longer hold onto the slither of life still inside of you– the easing thump of your heart mellowing inside your chest. You remember the little note Jimin left on his pillow for you to wake up to that morning.
“When you and I hug, our hearts are locked behind our ribcages and touch through our skin. Always beating in sync. And for as long as my heart beats beside yours, it will belong to you. For those moments we part, perhaps it falls out of sync, and when we reunite, my heart may just be reminded who it beats for. And we will be in sync once more ♡’
☆ﾟ thank you for reading!! reblogs are always appreciated, and please let me know what you think!!
permanent taglist: @m1sss1mp @supernoonanyc
#bts fanfic#bts fluff#bts smut#bts angst#taehyung imagine#taehyung fic#jimin imagine#jimin fic#namjoon fanfic#seokjin x reader#taehyung x reader#jimin x reader#bts x reader#yoongi x reader#bts fic#hoseok imagine#jungkook fanfic#taehyung smut#jimin fanfic#ot7 x reader#bts jungkook#jimin fluff#taehyung fluff#taehyung#bts#bts poly au#bts x female reader#bts taehyung
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I'm alive/Fanfic Asks
Hey sorry I've been silent for so long. To be completely honest, Hualian and tgcf aren't the only types of fanfic I read, so I go down rabbit holes with other pairings for a while.
Anyway, I've been sitting on some asks for a while hoping I could answer them one day, but alas. I am turning them over to the public to see if others can help!
@nostalgiatyrant asks:
Hi again 👋 Im looking for another fic, but this time, the description comes from a friend.
They said that “after the altar scene wu ming takes care of xie lian as he heals. Xie lian is like traumatized and dazed mostly so wu ming is doing his best commanding weaker ghosts and etc”
It was a tweet, in case you haven’t seen it, and tbh, I love this idea so much— if you find any fics like it at all Id love to read them
Maybe: For you, I'll become invincible by HanaSheralHaminail. 177k, M, WIP. all the spoilers
Maybe: no light, no light by NeithOfTheVeil. 11k, T, spoilers
Maybe: A Long and Slow Recovery by ardenrabbit. WIP
@sineofu asks:
Hello , can you recommend m some fics where the heavenly official realise that hua Cheng have returned or a fic timed after his return. Thank you
anonymous asks:
Is there any fanfics where like the puqi villagers think that they are single and something happens?
anonymous asks:
Can u tell me if there is any hualian Spiderman au fics?? I saw a few fanarts and fell in love with them.
@uwuchengsbab asks:
Do you know any fics where Hua Cheng prays to Xie Lian before his 3rd ascension (during those 800 years) and Xie Lian hears him? Something angsty with a happy ending? I’ve already read
what faith provides by parsnipit and it kinda sounds like falling in love by FlowerCitti
but was wondering if you knew more?
Maybe: Dearly Departed by IlluminatingSceadugenga. WIP
@bri-bri1222 asks:
I was wondering if there are any fice where HC and XL are in a DDLB relationship and just filled with cuteness and fluff.
anonymous asks:
There's this Hualian fanfic I've never been able to find no matter what. I don't know if the tags are obscure or what.
But the premise is that Xie Lian is cursed or to relive his worst injury over and over again at random moments and therefore the Hundred Swords wounds opens on his body unexpectedly and suddenly. The story is very hurt/comfort between Hualian and Hua Chrng looks after him and heals him. A plot point is that it happens in front of Mu Qing/Feng Xin at a temple and they discover the truth about what happened and take Xie Lian to Hua Cheng. I beleve it's multi-chapter. Ling Wen and Jun Wu also make appearances.
Maybe: Old Wounds and Old Friends by HoundsofCerberus. 4k, T, all the spoilers
Similar: A Splinter in the Heart by theearlymorningmist. 14k, T, spoilers
@theladypeartree asks:
Hello!!
This might be a tricky one as I'm not sure it exists! Have you or any of your followers found any fics that have A-Yuan and Guzi friendship? I've found many crossovers, but not with the kiddos!
Thank you for your hard work! ❤
anonymous asks:
Big spoilers for the later novels in this one:
Hey there, I was wondering if there was any fics in which Xie Lian goes through with calling down the human face plague on Yong'an. I can't recall finding any and I'm not sure how to start looking. Thanks!
he who walks in sorrow by atomic muffin. 7k, M, read warnings!
Ok these are some I have been searching around for and haven't found much yet. If anyone has recs I would be grateful!
#heaven official's blessing#hualian#tgcf#hua cheng#xie lian#hualianficrec#tian guan ci fu#fanfic asks
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With you, everything's okay (USWNT x ADHD Reader)
This is part 3 of the ADHD reader series. It's kinda long, but hope you enjoy!
Part one
Part two
Words: 4.6K
Due to the Adderall shortage I didn't have much of my medication, which was not great. I was supposed to get a refill a couple of days ago, but I wasn't able to yet. It could be a few days, weeks or months until I got more. Given what's been on the news, it was something I had anticipated so I had a few days worth for when I really needed it. I had a doctors appointment next week to try figure out a different medication, but I was almost tempted to just not do it. When I first got medication for my ADHD it was a long process of dose adjustments, and dealing with side effects. It was mentally and physically draining. It was something I didn't really want to go through again. The headaches and sleepless nights when I didn't take it were bad enough. Though I didn't know how I would cope long term without it.
We had just started another month long camp which made this whole thing just a bit more difficult. Ally wasn't with me and I wasn't sure if or when she would be able to visit. For now I was trying to distract myself. I had spent hours so far scouring the internet and going from jeweler to jeweler with Ali trying to find the perfect ring for Ally. None of them were good enough or matched who Ally was. She didn't like fancy rings with big stones or really any stones. She preferred more plain, flush bands with maybe a tiny stone. Ally deserved more than a plain band though. I just had to find the perfect one.
For the third or maybe fourth time I had dragged Ali out shopping with me. It had probably been hours and I still hadn't found anything that was right. I was starting to get frustrated when Ali literally dragged me away from the mall to the park across the road.
"You need to take a break."
"But-"
"No, you're getting frustrated and irritable so we're taking a break."
My eyes started to water as I hid my face in my hands, "I just want to find the ring she deserves Ali."
Ali sat down beside me, pulling me into her side, "I know and we will. It'll just take some time, it's only been a few weeks since you got engaged. Have you looked into custom design rings?"
I had gotten Ally a cheap ring in the mean time, but I hated that she had to wait for a proper one. "I didn't even think of that."
We went back to the hotel after getting lunch. Since Ali mentioned it, I was itching to look into designer rings. I had briefly on my phone, but Ali quickly stopped me so I would actually eat. It was a free day so I locked myself in my room quickly going down the rabbit hole of custom rings. I spent hours comparing different companies and small businesses, calling or emailing them to figure out more around pricing and what type of designs they could do. I ended up finding a small business that could get it done in about 2-3 weeks once the design was decided on.
The design was the next thing I got lost in. I wanted to get it done as soon as possible so Ally could finally get the ring to go with the proposal. There were a couple of ideas that I was playing around with, but it was hard to choose just one. I don't know how long it had been when my phone rang breaking me out of my fixation. Of course it was a facetime from Ally, her ringtone always brought me back to reality.
Hey baby
Hi
What's got you so distracted that you didn't even look at me? I miss my beautiful smile
I laughed, quickly glancing at her, involuntary smile stretching across my face,Nothing, sorry
Right, I'll pretend I believe you. Did you eat?
It's not dinner yet
Baby, it's 9pm where you are.
No it's no- Oh shit, I got distracted
Ally giggled, the sound making my heart skip a beat. I wished she was here. I figured, Ali is going to bring you something since I know you won't leave whatever it is you're doing.
Thank you Al. Can I ask you something?
Anything
If you had to pick one thing from our relationship, date, holiday, whatever really, what's your favourite thing?
That's a hard one. Do you remember our snowboarding trip?
Our first trip together was a snow boarding trip. We hadn't been together very long and we ended up getting snowed in with no power for 2 nights. All we could do was read, cuddle, play board games, talk and try to keep the fire going. Ally and I had connected from the start, but that trip was a sort of turning point in our relationship. We got to know each other on a deeper level, telling each other all the intimate and deep parts of ourselves. That was when I told her about my adhd, my family, how they acted and how I felt growing up.
It was the first time I ever cried in front of her. There had been a sense of shame wash over me. I wasn't one to cry in front of people, it had been ingrained in me since I was young. Ally had just held me tightly, whispering reassurances then making me laugh harder then I had in a long time. She had never judged me about anything. Sure, occasionally she would tell me I was being stupid, but she always had my back.
Where's that head of yours baby?
Sorry, I was just thinking back to that trip. It was a disaster, but I loved that trip.
Me too. I think that's my favourite
There was a knock on the door before I could reply. My stomach growled when I saw the food Ali was holding. I hadn't realised how hungry I actually was. In all honesty, I probably wouldn't have eaten if Ali hadn't shown up with food, "Thank you Ali."
"You're welcome. I'm just glad someone could get through to you. We've all been texting and calling you, even knocked on the door. We figured you were asleep or completely zoned out."
"You got Ally to call me?"
"She was already going to. I just asked if she had heard from you. I didn't want to wake you up if you were asleep, I know the last couple of days have been hard."
"I appreciate that. I got stuck into that thing we were talking about. I'll show you later."
Ally and I continued to talk while I kept working on the design and she started to fall asleep. I stayed on the phone with her even after she fell asleep. We had always slept on facetime together when we were apart. It made us feel closer when we couldn't be.
By time 4am rolled around I had finally finished the design idea. I had done a rough sketch, but also described my idea so the person could adjust if needed to what they could do. My design idea was mountains that wrapped around the entire band. A textured sky to resemble a snowy day with a small set diamond to look like the moon and hopefully someway to make the mountains look like it was covered in snow. I didn't know if it was completely possible, but even something remotely like that would be okay. I quickly sent it off before I could overthink and change my mind. I was very glad that we had another day off tomorrow.
---
"Ally!" I ran, jumping in her arms and hugging her tightly. "What are you doing here?"
"Thought I would surprise you again."
"Not that I don't love that you're here, but aren't you busy at work?"
"I am, but I can work remotely now."
"You can? Wait, you got the promotion?" Ally nodded, huge smile on her face as I picked her up and spun her around, kissing her hard. "Oh my god, this is amazing. You are amazing. I am so fucking proud of you Ally."
The girls wandered into the lobby, greeting Ally with quick hugs, "Guys! Ally got the promotion!"
Some of the girls practically jumped on Ally telling her how proud they were. They had even dragged her out for dinner that night saying that we had to celebrate her achievement. Some even going as far as doing speeches. I loved how much they adored Ally, how they had welcomed her into the team without hesitation.
We were lying in bed that night, wrapped up in each other. I brushed a piece of hair out of her face before kissing her softly, "I really am so proud of you Ally. You're amazing. You've worked so hard for this, you deserve this."
"Thank you Y/n. I couldn't have done it without your love and constant support even if my job bores you."
"Yeah well, for you I will go through all the boring shit in life a million times over." I kissed her softly before sighing, "I'm sorry Al."
Ally's forehead creased as her eyebrows drew together, "What are you apologising for?"
"I'm sorry that it's been weeks since I proposed and I haven't gotten you a proper ring yet. You deserve the perfect ring and I'm sorry you don't have it yet."
She smiled softly, cupping my cheek and making me look at her, "Do you remember what I said when you asked me to marry you?" I shook my head. All I remembered was her saying yes and being very excited. "I told you that I don't care about a ring and I meant it. If this was the only ring you got me, I wouldn't care. All I care about is being with you okay?"
"I love you Ally so fucking much. I just- Your ring is on the way, I just don't know when it'll get here."
"It's okay, I already know I'll love it."
---
Arms wrapped around me from behind, kisses being placed along my jaw. I turned my head, connecting our lips in a long kiss as I pulled her round to my lap. Ally squealed against my lips, giving me the opportunity to slip my tongue into her mouth. A breathy moan slipped from Ally as our tongues met. After a couple of seconds, Ally's fingers dug into my shirt as she pushed me away, "We're in the meal room."
"That can be changed besides no one else is here."
"I have a meeting in half an hour so stop being a horndog and show me what had you so focused."
"You can't blame me, you know what your work clothes do to me."
I had been looking at different wedding themes on Pinterest, but I was struggling to find ones that might actually suit Ally and I. We were very simple people, we didn't need anything fancy to be happy. We weren't traditional either. It was something we used to make jokes about, how we would go the complete opposite way, have some random colour instead of white, casual clothes and a barbeque. Just one big party. I didn't know what we were actually going to do. When we talked about it, it was just an idea, far off in the future. Now it was a reality and I was so excited to marry Ally. I knew we actually had to talk about when we wanted to do it, but I couldn't wait to marry her.
I turned my computer so Ally could see, "Anyway, I'm looking at wedding ideas. We should talk about when we want to do it, soon, sooner, soonish, far away, somewhere in the middle. I mean, I'm really fucking excited to marry you, but if you wan-"
"Okay baby, take a breath. You just named three times that are pretty much the same and aren't actually times."
"Sorry, I'm just excited. You know I never thought I would want to get married, let alone be this excited about it."
Ally wrapped her arms around me, kissing my temple, "I know Y/n/n. Don't apologise for being excited, I never meant to make it sound like a bad thing. Trust me, I can't wait to marry you and I love that you are excited to marry me, I would be kind of mad if you weren't."
I giggled, nuzzling my nose against her neck, "So what do you think?"
"Well, I think the sooner the better."
"Exactly what I was thinking. The more I look, the more I'm convinced on a court house wedding. It's such a process."
"A court house wedding would be a lot easier."
"No! you can't have a court house wedding," Kelley yelled making us jump and me glare at her.
---
Today was the worst day yet without my meds. I was exhausted, my head hurt, I was irritable beyond belief, every little sound or touch felt a hundred times worse and I couldn't focus on anything. There had been a very small handful of times in our relationship that I couldn't handle Ally's touch, this was one of those times. It always made me feel like shit, guilty that my own girlfriend couldn't even touch me. That didn't help me feel any better. Ally was always so understanding about it all, reassuring me that it was okay and dealing with my over touching afterwards to make up for it. Today was no different, Ally had been amazing, giving me space, reassuring me.
Ally had brought me lunch so I wouldn't have to be around the team. We were sitting on the floor in silence after eating. Normally, just being near Ally would help but everything was starting to get too overwhelming. I felt like I was about to explode, like any second I would break. And I did. I didn't mean for it to happen, things just boiled over. Ally suggested we go for a walk, she knew it would help, so did I but I couldn't bring myself to leave the room. I ended up snapping at her.
"Come on Y/n/n, you know it'll help."
"Just give it a rest! I don't need you pestering me, I'm not a child, I'm an adult, I can handle this myself. Just back off."
Ally just looked at me for a second before getting up and walking out. I buried my hands in my hair, pulling slightly. Maybe it wasn't the most healthy thing, but it helped ground me. Well normally it would. It helped enough to snap me out of it and realised I fucked up, "Fuck."
Tears fell before I could stop them as I curled up in a ball and cried. I had never snapped at Ally like that before. Sure we had fights occasionally, but there was never yelling. I cried and sobbed, letting everything from the last week or so out. Being off my meds was exhausting, physically but mostly mentally. My mind was almost constantly a mess. It took me back to how I felt growing up. Like I was annoying, a burden, stupid. That the people around me only put up with me because they had to. Ally included.
Once the tears finally stopped, I just lay there staring at the celling. It's like I was stuck there, I knew I had to go find Ally, but I couldn't move. The door opened then I felt someone sit down next to me. I knew it wasn't Ally, she always wore a perfume that I would recoganise instantly.
"What's going on Y/n/n?" Christens soft voice filled the silence.
"It's too much. I-I don't know if I can handle this. I'm just a burden to everyone around me. I fucked up, Ally hates me. It's just too much Chris."
"Y/n Y/l/n you are not a burden. I know things are hard without your medication, but that does not mean you are a burden. We love you, we are here for you okay? I know it's hard, I know it feels overwhelming, but we've got you. We've always got you Y/n. Ally could never hate you, she loves you. Did something happen with her?"
"I fucked up. I snapped at her when she was just trying to help. I've never done anything like that before. I fucked up Chris," My voice cracked, tears somehow welling up again.
Christen pulled me into her. I didn't fight it, instead gripping her shirt tightly as sobbed wracked through me again. She rubbed my back, whispering quiet reassurances. Eventually Christen moved, being replaced by someone else who held me tight, hand slipping under my shirt and drawing patterns along my skin. Perfume overtook my senses, that sweet perfume I knew so well. I sobbed harder, gripping her shirt as if my life depended on it. In a way it did. I couldn't imagine my life without Ally in it. She understood me in a way no one else did, she knew how to calm me down, how to support me, how to make me laugh. Most importantly she loved me despite my flaws.
"I'm sorry Ally, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, I'm so-"
"Shhh, it's okay, I've got you baby, I've got you."
It took a while, but eventually the tears stopped. I sat up, moving away from Ally to sit against the bed. I felt myself go numb. Over the years, it had become my way to protect my self when things, especially emotions got too much. It hadn't happened in a while. Things were never too much when Ally was around, it was manageable. Right now I didn't know where we stood and I was scared.
I felt two warm hands cup my cheeks and soft lips press against my forehead, "Don't do that. Don't blank out on me. Come back to me."
"W-what are you doing here?"
"Chris texted, she was worried about you, said you needed me."
"You came even after I said what I did."
Ally laced her fingers with mine, "Of course I did. While I didn't appreciate what happened, I know you didn't mean it. Besides, you needed me. I will always be there for you when you need me."
"I'm sorry for snapping at you, I was just so overwhelmed. I don't know if I can do this Al. It's just so much."
She pulled me up, wrapping me tightly in her arms then guiding me so we were cuddled in bed, "I know it's hard baby, I know it's frustrating, but we've got this. I'm right here by your side every step of the way, I'm not going anywhere."
"We're okay?"
"We're okay baby. You owe me a massage though, when you're feeling better to make up for this."
I chuckled, cuddling into her side, my eyes getting heavy, "Deal. I love you Al."
"I love you Y/n. Try and get some sleep. I'm finished work for the day. Chris is going to bring dinner for us a bit later."
---
The ring had just arrived at the hotel and I was scared to open it. I ran straight up to Ali, pulling her away much to the confusion of Ally and everyone else. I shoved the package at her, making her stumble back a bit.
"Calm down a bit Y/n/n. What is it?"
"The ring. Can you open it? I'm kinda scared."
Ali carefully opened the package then the box. I was way more nervous than I expected to be. I had spent so long trying to find the perfect ring, I guess I was worried this wouldn't be it, that it wasn't anything close to what I was hoping for.
"This is beautiful Y/n. It's perfect."
I slowly took the box from Ali, freezing when I saw it. It was exactly what I had envisioned. Seeing the ring felt like a weight had been lifted. After spending so much time searching, I finally had the ring Ally deserved. Thoughts of her not liking it tried to creep in, but I managed to push them away. I knew Ally would like it. "It's exactly what I wanted. It came out way better than I expected."
"So are you just going to give it to her? Or do another proposal?"
"I'm not sure. I was kind of thinking about proposing again just for the fun of it. The original proposal wasn't that special."
"I think you'll find to Ally it was. Even if it wasn't extravagant, it was just the two of you. Personal and intimate."
"Probably. Let's be honest, I just want to spoil her. Can you hold onto this for me? I'm terrified of losing it."
Ali wrapped her arm around me, trying not to laugh, "Of course I will. Let me know if you need help planning it. Let's get back before they start to question it."
Ally was going to say yes. Knowing that let the excitement bubble up instead of the nerves. I was incredibly excited to propose to her, the plan was already coming together in my mind. I didn't want to wait, all going well it was going to happen tonight.
Once we got back, I beelined to Ally, "I have two questions. First, will you go on a date with me tonight? Second, do you want to go make out?"
"Yes and definitely yes."
---
Since we started dating, picnics were a big part of our relationship. We both had jobs that meant we dealt with a lot of people. Picnics were the way we escaped reality and people without being inside or around our flat mates at the time. I figured there was no better place to propose then on a picnic.
Because our date was last minute and we had practice today, I hadn't had enough time to set up the picnic. Ali had agreed to set up the picnic while I took Ally bowling. She loved bowling and it gave time to set everything up. Ally had won by a lot which was not a surprise, I sucked at bowling. Of course she had gloated about it, but with the proud smile she wore, I couldn't even be annoyed.
Before we left, I had texted Ali to make sure everything was set up so we didn't get there too early. I was driving when the reply came in. Ally went to check like normal, but I quickly stopped her, much to her confusion.
"You can't check that one, it'll ruin the surprise." I pulled over checking the message, making sure to hide it from Ally. Thankfully she didn't question it.
Ali: Food took longer then planned, just picked it up, need 10 minutes to finish everything. Also found the perfect place to film it.
Ally was wearing a grey sweater, white blouse underneath with the collar showing and black jeans. I don't know what it was, but I found her incredibly attractive when she wore stuff like that. It was mostly for work which is why I got kicked out when she was working. I couldn't keep my hands to myself. "So we need to kill 10 minutes. You look incredibly beautiful so lets make out."
"Yeah okay."
Ali had set up a blanket on the beach with candles, rose petals and a small speaker for music. Instead of doing the classic picnic foods, I got Ali to pick up some Thai food because it was Ally's favourite and another one of our traditions.
I watched Ally's eyes light up as we approached the picnic, "Baby, this is beautiful. How did you set this up?"
"I may have gotten Ali to help set it up. You like it?"
"You don't even have to ask, I love everything you do. This is perfect baby. Is that Thai? I'm starving."
I had planned to do the proposal first for 3 reasons. I was terrified of losing the ring, it was likely I would get more nervous as time went on and Ali was waiting to film it. "It is, you need to wait a minute before we eat."
I found the ring before taking Ally's hand, "Growing up I never thought I would find someone who loved me so unconditionally, who loved me as I was. Who would stick by me and support me through everything. But I did. I found you and I never want to lose you. I want you, no I need you by my side for the rest of my life. I love you Ally, more than you will ever know. I know you've already said yes, but I wanted to do this properly." I sunk down on one knee, opening the box, "Will you marry me Ally?"
"Yes, a million times yes." I easily slipped the ring onto her finger watching her eyes widen as she looked at the ring closer. "Holy shit Y/n, this is amazing. Where did you find it?"
"I designed it. It's based on the snowboarding trip."
"Just when I thought I couldn't love you more, you prove me wrong. You are amazing baby. Words can't describe how much I love this. I want this to be my wedding ring as well. It's too perfect to just be an engagement ring. Is that allowed?"
"We can do whatever we want. Ali filmed that by the way, I wanted it for our memories."
---
Ally and I were looking at wedding ideas together for the first time. At first I was slightly worried that we weren't going to be on the same page, that it might cause fights. I had seen it happen to couples before. I quickly realised that it was a pointless worry, we were on the same page about everything so far. We wanted simple, non-traditional.
We had started looking at things we would need for the wedding, such as the venue and catering. Everything we had looked at so far was expensive, which I guess wasn't that much of a surprise, everyone always says weddings are expensive.
I sighed, pushing the laptop away and turning to Ally, "Why are weddings so expensive? Like I know we can afford it, but it just seems like a waste."
"I know, it's just one day, we could use that money towards our honeymoon or a house."
I straddled Ally, hiding my face against her shoulder. As much as I loved planning things, without my meds, even that was slightly overwhelming after a bit of time. There were so many options and things to consider, "We could do a backyard wedding. Ali and Ash might let us use their place if we asked nice enough."
"Of course we would." I jumped, turning around to find them both standing there.
"I swear the word wedding is like a magnet for all of you. Every time it's mentioned, someone shows up."
"Well you guys keep talking about it in places where there's a high likely hood of someone being around. Anyway, we would love to have your wedding at our place if that's what you wanted."
Reluctantly, I climbed off Ally, moving to stand by Ali and Ash, "You would really do that for us?"
Ali smiled softly, pulling me in for a hug, "Of course we will kiddo. You're family. You're family too Ally."
I noticed Ally trying to hide her smile. No matter how much they showed they loved her or treated her like part of the team, I still got the same warm, almost ecstatic feeling. To me the team was family. The fact that they saw Ally as family was really important to me. "We're not planning anything over the top or even overly traditional, just simple with friends and family."
"Are your parents going to be there?" Ashlyn tried to hide the annoyance in her voice when mentioning my parents, but it didn't work. I wasn't surprised by it, when they found out what it was like for me growing up, they were pissed.
I had opened up to them about a lot of things, especially Ali, but besides vague information about how they treated me, my parents never really came up. "No, I um cut them off about 3 years ago. They were just destroying my mental health. Ally's parents will be there though, they pretty much took me in."
"They like you more than me sometimes."
"Well we can't wait to meet them."
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best friends to lovers.
i'm sick and tired of seeing all these fluffy ass best friends to lovers fics because real best friends to lovers isn't that simple.
sure it has the longing pining stretched over multiple years or decades even but it's not JUST "oh im in love with this guy/girl, i don't think they like me back tho so i won't confess" NO.
sometimes it's that but there's always this underlying feeling of "if i fuck this up, i've ruined the most important relationship in my life." so who fucking cares if i love this person so much that my heart feels like ripping into shreds, if it means that it'll be guaranteed that i'll always have them in my life, so be it.
along the way you'd think that you've moved on from each other, maybe there's the subtle (or not so subtle) flirting, pda, etc, but "that's just how we act, we're just friends. nothing more." and with that mindset, you begin to see other people, you begin to see them with other people yet something just doesn't sit right with you. the most perfect person could be sat across from you at the bar yet, it's just not them.
and when you hear that they'd gone on a date with someone else or they'd messed around with a stranger the night before, it sits uncomfortably with you, maybe it even pangs the heartstrings just a little too much than it should.
but that's weird. cause you're just friends, right?
and it begins to cloud your thoughts for the next few weeks, "did they end up seeing them again?" "did they find them more attractive than you were?" but wait, why am i so BOTHERED about this?
do i... like them? or who am i kidding, did i ever even stop liking them in the first place?
there you fall down the rabbit hole of despair, going back and forth on the thought of having a crush on your best friend, whether they still reciprocated your feelings, whether it was worth ruining your friendship.
but you'll have an epiphany. the one that asks, "would you rather leave with the regret of never trying it out and losing them to another person or see the potential?"
once you figure out that you couldn't bear living with the what if, you'd confess. whether it be the most awkward conversation ever or you end up breaking down in tears talking about your past together and apologising for being so hesitant before, it goes well.
now you lie beside your best friend, the soft morning sunlight seeping through the crack between their curtains, legs intertwining each other and the tangled sheets, their arms wrapping around your torso, and shy giggles sounding from the top of your head.
"i'm really glad you said something that day," they may whisper as their warm lips meet yours.
whether you choose to reply or just hum in response, there's a warm sensation in your chest, reminding you that life couldn't get better than this.
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Hearts Unleashed (Part 2)
Pairing: Nick Nelson x Black!fem!reader
Warning: Fluff, Smut in later chapters, Body Shaming
Words: 3117
Please interact and comment to keep it going. I always love to know what you think.
This was definitely going to take some getting used to. I stood in front of the mirror, wearing the official Truham Grammar School uniform. The tie felt like it was slowly strangling me, and the color was, well, an acquired taste. But I'd managed to find a pair of shoes that matched the uniform pretty well. Even with all my efforts, it still felt a bit dull.
In an attempt to give it some character, I decided to decorate the blazer with a few sparkly pins. They matched my hair, which I'd styled into a simple wash-and-go, held in place by two vibrant pink hairpins. This way, at least, my hair wouldn't completely cover my face. A little dab of my favorite perfume oil on my wrist, and I was finally ready to roll.
I grabbed a bagel from the pantry, along with a bottle of water, opting for a light breakfast since I planned on walking to school.
"You're up early, and you still have an hour and a half before school starts," my mother said, making me jump a little.
"Yeah, I wanted to check out the school before it gets too crowded," I replied, fully aware that my breakfast choice was about to be critiqued.
My mother eyed the bagel with a hint of disapproval. It was inevitable. "What did I tell you about eating bread so early in the morning? It's loaded with carbs." She sighed, clearly not a fan of my choice. I braced myself, not in the mood for a full-blown lecture on carbs at this hour.
"Yeah, I know, but I'm walking to school, so I'll be burning those calories anyway," I pointed out, hoping it would suffice, even if she still seemed unsatisfied.
"Maybe while you're there early, you can check out the sports clubs they have. It's been a while since you did anything active since you quit ballet," my mom suggested, and I could tell she was about to go down the "you need to be more active" or "this is a fun way to get some exercise" rabbit hole.
"Mhm, I'll look into that and get back to you. Who knows, they might even have a dance club," I mumbled as I made my way to the door. Honestly, joining another dance-related activity was the last thing I wanted. It was pretty clear my mom just wanted me to stay active, but I knew I didn't need it.
My mother smiled. "Perfect! Oh, and will you be walking by yourself? I haven't really scoped out the neighborhood to see if it's safe. What about that new friend you made a couple of days ago?" She rambled on, but I decided to cut her off.
"He'll be meeting me halfway. He just needs to grab a few things from his house," I reassured her, even though it wasn't entirely accurate. Charlie was supposed to give me a tour of the whole school, but he didn't reply to my message this morning. He was probably sleeping. Me and him were talking on the phone until three am. I didn't mind; it gave me some free time to roam around, and I had even brought my camera to take some pictures along the way.
The weather was calm, with the sun not quite making an appearance, yet there was a comforting chill in the air. The walk to school wasn't as bad as I had expected. As I strolled along, the sun's gentle rays peeked through the clouds, casting a soft, inviting glow over the almost deserted streets. It created a serene and tranquil atmosphere that wrapped around me like a comforting embrace.
With an impulse, I retrieved my camera from my bag, eager to capture the charm of the houses along the way. Each home seemed to compete in a contest of vibrant gardens, a burst of color amidst the surrounding calmness. I snapped pictures, hoping to immortalize the essence of this new neighborhood, to make it my own in a small way.
As I continued, I noticed more students in the same uniform as mine. Their presence signaled my approach to the school.
Anticipation bubbled up inside me, adding an extra bounce to my step. Finally, my destination came into view, Truham Grammar School. It stood proudly, its exterior composed of rich, red bricks adorned with intricate details, almost like an architectural masterpiece. The expansive windows allowed sunshine to flood the interior, casting a warm and welcoming invitation.
The school gates were wide open, and a few students were making their way inside. Even though it was early, some kids lingered around. What struck me as odd was that most of them were boys, and they stared at me from the moment I stepped in. It became evident that I might be one of the very few black students here, and I could be the only American in the entire place.
I did my best to ignore the curious gazes and focused on my mission: finding the film department. I had a good forty minutes to kill before class started. And with those forty minutes, I found the library, the lunchroom, the field, and maybe half of the classrooms of this school.
But no film department. Damn, I really needed that tour. I went to message Charlie, who had already sent me loads of text messages.
Charlie: Hey Y/N, I'm so sorry, I overslept!
Charlie: I didn't mean to leave you hanging.
Charlie: On my way now, see you soon! 🏃♂️
Y/N: Do you know where the film department is located? I can't seem to find it anywhere.
Seeing the three bubbles pop up on my screen, I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that I would finally get some answers.
“Happy New Year, Truman! Uh, don't forget there'll now be students from all school years in your new form groups. I hope you enjoy getting to know some fresh faces in registration each day.”
Time had gone by so fast. I typed urgently to Charlie,
Y/N: Forget about what I said earlier, do you know where our classroom is?
Thank God Charlie and I had the same class at the beginning of the day; I really needed to make a planner.
Charlie: Wait, form has already started?!
Charlie: Tell the teacher that I am using the loo or something. I have to meet up with someone really quick. Oh, and the number is B25.
I couldn't help but chuckle inwardly, realizing that I still had a lot to learn about British slang.
As I walked down the hallway, the school was bustling with students. It was like a beehive of activity. Students rushed around, opening and closing lockers, talking with friends, and hurrying to get to their classes on time. There was a lot of noise and movement, and it felt exciting but also a bit overwhelming.
I saw groups of students chatting and laughing, while others looked a bit shy or unsure. People had decorated their lockers with colorful stuff and photos. The air smelled like coffee from the teacher's lounge, mixed with the scent of breakfast that some students had grabbed on their way to school.
Navigating this chaotic but strangely exhilarating environment, I felt like a tiny fish swimming in a sea of unfamiliar faces. Finally arriving at the classroom, I couldn't help but notice that the teacher appeared completely fed up with this school and everything it entailed. Luckily, I wasn't late; the class hadn't started yet.
Approaching the teacher's desk, I spoke carefully, "Charlie told me to let you know he'll be a little late because he's in the restroom." Judging by his facial expression, I had worsened his mood, which was already not great.
He sighed heavily and said, "Charlie, oh Charlie, what should I do with that boy? It's the New Year, and his first act is to be late for my class." He rubbed his nose like he had a headache. Then, he turned to me and asked tiredly, "What's your name?"
I hesitated but replied, "My name is Y/N L/N."
He shuffled through a few papers, searching for something, and seemed increasingly frustrated with each passing moment. "Judging by your accent, you're a new student, and I don't see you anywhere in my assigned seating. Since Charlie had the pleasure of being late, you can go ahead and take his seat," he pointed in the direction of Charlie's seat.
My seat was right next to a boy with perfectly combed blonde hair. He sat there, looking relaxed, like he didn't have a single worry. Yet, there was something about his boyish charm that drew me in, making my fingers itch to take a picture.
What surprised me even more was that I could see the outline of his muscles even though he was just sitting. British boys, I thought, can be dangerous.
As I got closer, he looked up from his book, and our eyes met. His hazel nut eyes glistened like brown sugar under the sunlight, and even though our eye contact was brief, I couldn't help but notice their warmth and charm. He was the first to look away, leaving me wondering about our silent interaction.
With a sigh of relief, I placed my book bag on the desk, sinking into my seat as the lively chatter of the classroom enveloped me. The walls were adorned with colorful decorations, instantly transforming the space into a welcoming and joyful environment.
Not wanting to seem impolite, I turned my gaze towards the boy next to me, only to find that he was already looking my way. Uncertain of what to say, I mustered a simple, "Hi."
He responded with an amiable "Hi," accompanied by a warm smile that, I had to admit, sent a pleasant sensation coursing through my stomach. Before I could utter anything else, Charlie rushed into the room, his face flushed and slightly sweaty, clearly in a hurry as he took the seat in front of me.
"Sorry I'm late. Did you find everything okay?" Charlie asked, concern evident in his voice.
"Yeah, I found everything except the film department," I explained, feeling a bit frustrated.
"You're looking for the film department?" the blonde-haired boy asked, raising an eyebrow. Even his voice sounded pleasant.
I nodded, glad to have someone to share my frustration with. "Yeah, I was wandering around like a lost puppy, trying to find it. It's like it's playing hide-and-seek."
The boy couldn't help but chuckle, and his cheeks turned slightly pink, which was cute. "My mate tried to get into the film department, but he didn't make it. He mentioned something about a secret room at the back of the school, but now that I say it out loud, it doesn't sound too helpful," he admitted.
I laughed too, appreciating his honesty. "No worries. At least I'm not the only one who's feeling clueless."
Charlie watched our conversation, unsure if he should join in.
As the classroom buzzed with increasing noise, the boy leaned in closer, his curiosity evident. "I'm sorry; I didn't quite catch your name," he confessed.
I couldn't help but lean in a bit further and playfully retorted, "Well, I didn't quite catch yours either."
We exchanged friendly smiles, and for a moment, the bustling classroom around us faded into the background.
With the sly smirk on his face, I could tell he was not going to let that one slide, but before he could say anything, the teacher's voice cut through the noise.
"Attention, everyone! We're about to kick off our first form of the day. But before we dive into it, I'd like to introduce a new student who hails all the way from the United States. Her name is Y/N," the teacher announced, his last words barely audible and frankly, quite unnecessary.
My internal feelings were a swirling mix of embarrassment and mild amusement. If only my face could reflect the shade of red I felt inside. If I were a bit lighter in complexion, I'd probably resemble a ripe strawberry. The entire class erupted into laughter upon hearing my distinct American accent. Well, it seemed like being different had earned me some brownie points, at least in the humor department.
I chose to respond with a modest smile, allowing the teacher to continue, "Would you like to share an interesting fact about yourself or perhaps something about America?"
Maintaining my pleasant smile, I replied, "One thing I truly miss from home is wearing regular clothes to school, rather than these dreaded ties." My fingers reached for my tie, and I theatrically stretched it out to emphasize my point. A few students joined in the laughter, understanding the sentiment all too well.
The teacher brushed off my comment and proceeded with the lesson, and I began to feel more at ease, grateful that the attention had shifted away from me.
The boy sitting next to me returned to our playful banter, his friendly demeanor putting me at ease. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said, "Nice to officially meet you, Y/N."
I couldn't help but smile back and replied,
“Likewise”
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +
As we walked down the hallway on our way to the next class, Charlie playfully nudged my shoulder and asked, "So, how was your chat with Nick Nelson?"
I furrowed my brow, a bit confused. "Who?" Our first class had just ended, and I wanted to find my locker to avoid carrying these heavy books around.
Charlie grinned, thinking it should be obvious. "You know, the guy you were talking to in form class today – that's Nick Nelson." Now that I understood, I nodded and said,
"Oh, so that was his name." Finally, I located my locker and began putting away my books.
Continuing with my day's tasks, I couldn't shake the feeling that Charlie's watchful eyes were trained on me. Slightly irritated, I couldn't help but question, "Is there something on your mind?"
Charlie responded with a sly, knowing look and a teasing tone, "Oh, not much, just finding it quite amusing that you're not going to acknowledge the 'moment' you had with Nick Nelson."
This caught me off guard, and I quizzically raised an eyebrow. "What exactly are you talking about?" I inquired, genuinely clueless about his insinuations. Charlie appeared flabbergasted by my obliviousness and couldn't hide his astonishment.
He let out an exaggerated sigh of disbelief, "Are you being serious right now? I endured an entire hour of form, and I swear, I could practically see sparks flying between you two. I nearly went blind!"
Brushing off his teasing comments, I calmly explained, "There was no 'moment,' Charlie. We just had a regular conversation, like any two people would."
Closing my locker and gathering my belongings, I redirected our focus, asking, "Are you ready to head to art class? I'd prefer to get there before the hallway becomes too crowded." I looked over at him, but he seemed lost in his phone, furiously texting away.
Waving my hand in front of his face, I couldn't help but jest, "Charlie, are you on Mars? Earth to Charlie!" My sudden interruption startled him, and he offered an apologetic smile.
"Sorry," he admitted, "I have to meet up with someone really quick. But don't worry, I'll meet you there."
Concerned about his punctuality, I pushed back, "No way, Charlie. You can't afford to be late again. I don't want another teacher upset with me." I exclaimed, but Charlie casually waved away my worry.
"Don't fret," he reassured me, his hand patting my arm comfortingly. "You'll be just fine. You have Mr. Ajayi, and he'll certainly like you." With a smile, he walked away, disappearing into the sea of students.
Walking to class alone again, something was definitely up with Charlie. Perhaps it had something to do with that guy Ben he couldn't stop talking about lately. Charlie had been going on and on about Ben last night, and it made me wonder if there was more to the story.
Finally arriving at the art class, I couldn't shake the feeling that things were getting a bit more complicated than I had anticipated.
Walking into the art class, I felt like I had stepped into a creative wonderland. The room was bathed in soft, natural light streaming in through large windows, casting a warm glow over everything. Canvases adorned with colorful paintings leaned against the walls, and sculptures of various sizes were carefully displayed on shelves.
The scent of freshly mixed paints and the earthy aroma of clay filled the air, creating a sensory experience that hinted at the artistic possibilities within this space. Easels were set up with canvases in various stages of completion, each one telling a unique story through brushstrokes and colors.
In one corner, a potter was working at a spinning wheel, shaping a mound of clay into a graceful vase. The rhythmic hum of the wheel added a soothing backdrop to the artistic symphony.
Mr. Ajayi, our art teacher, stood at the front of the room, engrossed in conversation with a student who was passionately explaining their work. His warm and encouraging demeanor set the tone for the class.
I found an empty seat and prepared for class. As I settled in, I noticed a student chatting with the teacher. When she finished, she strolled over to me, wearing a friendly smile. With her light brown curly hair tied up in two big ponytails, she looked effortlessly stylish.
She took the seat in front of me and said, "I love your pins, by the way. It's refreshing to see some fashion sense around here. They really go well with your hair."
I couldn't help but smile, appreciating the compliment. "Thanks, I guess we have to get creative with these uniforms, right?"
She smiled back, saying, "At least someone gets it. Oh, and the name is Elle, by the way."
She smiled warmly. "Oh, you're Elle! Charlie has told me so much about you," I quickly exclaimed. Elle's eyes lit up with recognition.
"Oh my god, you're Y/N! I should have known; that accent gave it away," she said with a friendly chuckle.
I grinned. "Guilty as charged," I replied. "And honestly, Truham's been an interesting experience so far."
Elle laughed. "I can imagine. Well, give it some time, and who knows, you might even come to love it here."
I nodded. "I'll keep an open mind."
Before we could chat further, Mr. Ajayi began the class, and Elle mouthed, 'We'll talk after class.' I nodded in agreement and turned my attention to the lesson at hand.
Part 3: https://www.tumblr.com/cutecurly-hair/732678051495870464/as-mr-ajayi-delved-into-the-art-lesson-the-class?source=share
A/N: Hello everyone, I'm just starting this series, and if you'd like to stay updated, please let me know if you'd like to be on a tag list as I'll be creating one.
#kit connor#black reader#nick nelson x reader#black!fem!reader#heartstopper#nick nelson x y/n#nick nelson fanfic#nick nelson x fem!reader#nick nelson x blackreader#charlie spring#heartstopper fanfic#heartstopper netflix#heartstopper fandom
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Quartz and Sea Glass
((Drabble/Short story based on the backstory a rp with @mittysins of Fawn's first step into the world of surrogacy.))
{This drabble is a sequel to "The First Goodbye" and is Part Two of a planned series based on the rp between Mitty and I. This drabble will not make sense without the context of Part One.}
TW: Mentioned miscarriage/stillbirth, infertility, family abandonment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't put me on a pedestal for what I decided to do with my life. I ain't a saint.
I'll fully admit that I became a surrogate for selfish reasons. When I discovered there was a market out there of couples who needed a healthy body to carry their baby, I did not give a single shit about helping them -- all I cared about was the money.
I was twenty years old and homeless, still living off minimum wage. Can 'ya really blame me?
Lord only knows how that little worm of an idea got into my brain. Maybe it was during a mindless re-watch of season four of Friends. Maybe it was seeing something on the news. Or maybe it was during one of those three-in-the-morning anxiety attacks -- the ones that had me scribbling down as many outlandish solutions to my life as could fit on a napkin.
Not a lot of good ideas came about that way.
However it got there, one day I found myself seated at a library computer searching up as much information as I could find about surrogacy. As soon as I saw the rates some of these couples were willing to pay, I was sold. Fifty to sixty grand -- paid over the span of months. That sure as hell beat $7.25 an hour! The fact I could be eligible for certain state benefits on top of that money didn't hurt, either.
Best part? The one obstacle that could've been in my way had been crashed down a year ago: at least one healthy and successful prior pregnancy.
This was it. This was my way out!
But I hesitated.
As I sat there, staring at the Google search results that led me down the rabbit hole, I wondered if I was really capable of going through it all again. Not so much the physical symptoms, those all passed as soon as the pregnancy was over.
I was wondering if I could handle saying goodbye again.
My son's first birthday had just passed. I'd put a candle in a cupcake and blown it out for him the day of, alone in my room and still in my UDF uniform after work. I'd wished I'd known what name they gave him. The "Happy Birthday" song is a 'lil hard to sing without a name. I'd just called him "my baby" in the song. At least it fit. He would always be my baby, wherever he was and whatever he was called.
I blinked at the blue-tinted monitor. The screen was getting fuzzy and my eyes were stinging. I force-closed the dozens of tabs I had open, shut the computer off, and began my walk back to the women's shelter.
No, I couldn't. Money or no money, I couldn't go through it again. I never...never wanted to go through it again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A week later, I made another trip to the library to borrow some time at the computer. I couldn't afford a laptop or smartphone, so it was a trip I usually made every other day; but work had been leaving me too tired to swing by.
I found an email waiting for me in my inbox, from a surrogate agency site I remembered looking up. In my mad scrolling, I must have signed up for their mailing list without thinking about it. It was from the highest-rated site I'd found, so at least I didn't have to worry about it being a phishing scam or tied to some baby black market or whatever.
I almost deleted it out of reflex, but the subject line read: "The Basics of Surrogacy, Free Information Guide". A brochure? Not an ad pressuring me to join so they could start taking a cut of my pay? Sure, I'd take a brochure.
So, that was the moment I made the best decision of my life: I opened that email.
I'll spare you the business side of things, but once I got in touch with the agency it all started falling into place. The whole process was much more voluntary than I realized. I spoke with several surrogate mothers who had been matched with clients through the site, and they all stood firm that nothing was done unless both the surrogate and the parents agreed to it. I would have a say in who I matched with. I would have a say in how much I was to be paid. I would even have a say in what the birthing experience would be like!
What finally sealed the deal for me, though, was the fact this company only dealt with what I learned were called "gestational surrogacies" -- meaning none of their surrogates were the biological parents of the babies they carried. I'd have someone else's egg inside me -- I would essentially be a walking incubator. That sounds kinda weird when you think about it, but it solved the biggest issue I had with tapping into this gold mine.
Not my baby? Not my DNA? Fine by me. I decided I'd gladly get paid fifty grand to sit around and grow someone else's kid. Sounded like the easiest job in the world.
I sent my application in two days later.
Two months, a psychiatric assessment, and dozens of medical tests later, I was in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tariqs weren't the first couple who asked to meet with me. There were two other couples I had a first meeting with, but neither of them clicked with me the way Ray and Tess did.
We met for the first time at a park situated alongside the Tennessee River, bundled in jackets to keep out the early-autumn chill. There just so happened to be a food truck parked by the entrance we agreed to meet at, and Tess declared we should get to know each other over lunch. Seeing as I had skipped breakfast to make it to work on time, I didn't mind the idea.
I was standing off to the side while the Tariqs ordered from the truck, counting out the amount of cash I had on me, when suddenly I heard Tess call me over.
"Which one 'ya want, shug?" she asked, pointing to the menu plastered on the truck's side.
They bought me a chicken panini and a hot hazelnut macchiato, insisting it was their treat. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have needed the rest of that interview -- I had already chosen to be their surrogate in my head.
Buying me food is a fantastic way to get to get me to like you.
We sat at a picnic table beneath the golden oak trees and got to talking. Raymond (or Ray, as he preferred to be called) was a second-generation Indian immigrant and Tess, his wife, was a born-and-bred Knoxville gal. They lived on the rural side of Knoxville, just barely inside the city limits, in a 1960's farmhouse they'd refurbished themselves. Both were in their mid-thirties by the time they sought out surrogacy; up until that point, they'd been though quite a battle with infertility:
They'd been trying throughout their four years of marriage, but Tess could never carry to term. The few times her pregnancy tests would come up positive, she'd bleed a few weeks later. Although they weren't opposed to modern medicine, they'd preferred to try more "natural" methods to solve their fertility issue before going to a doctor. Such methods included the Kama Sutra, meditation, crystals, herbal blends and -- of course -- prayer.
Just the year prior, it seemed their home remedies had worked when Tess finally made it into the second trimester with a baby boy.
They'd lost him in a stillbirth days before the third trimester milestone.
Piled onto that tragedy, the hospital discovered Tess had a defective uterus -- it was physically impossible for her to carry to term. So, that's where I came in.
As I told them about myself, they were delighted to know I came from a household that had rather New Age ideas about life. I didn't mention that I no longer lived by those ideas -- it would've opened too many questions.
However, I certainly understood the good home remedies could do! I was more than happy to trade my recipes for salves for Ray's tips on where to buy the best beeswax in Knoxville. So happy, in fact, that I got carried away.
"My mom makes beeswax candles," I said, hurrying to swallow the bite of panini I had in my mouth. "She used to scent 'em with oils from her flowers, but the oil would seep right outta the wax once it got warm." I chuckled, feeling my nose crinkle in the embarrassing way it does when I laugh. "Sometimes, at dinner, we'd light one of her candles at the table. We'd blink and suddenly there'd be a puddle of rose oil dripping onto the beans and cornbread!"
"Maybe I can help her out with that," Ray said with a grin. He took a quick sip of his coffee. "My grandparents keep bees over in India. My family has a lot of tips on how to melt and mix the wax."
I almost choked on my food when I realized I'd brought up my family. Shit...now I had to be careful.
"Maybe," I said with a causal shrug. "She's back home in West Viginia with everyone else. It's a little hard to make time to see 'em."
"Oh, I'm sure," Tess nodded. "It's the same with my daddy's side of the family. We're just so far apart we forget 'ta check up on each other as often as we should." She finished off the last of her bagel. "And with you, Fawn, you work full time with a little 'un at home. I'm sure 'ya family understands."
I didn't blink for a while. I just stared at the river until the cold breeze dried my eyes out. "Oh, well..." I cleared my throat, "I don't have a little one at home."
Tess looked confused. Ray looked mortified.
"But it says on 'ya file you were pregnant last year?" Tess half-asked, half-stated. I could tell from her tone that there was no malice in her. She'd clearly read my profile and made assumptions.
I smiled, maybe showing a little too much teeth. "Yeah, I was. Very healthy pregnancy, very healthy baby boy, but I don't have a little one at home."
Ray put his hand over his wife's wrist, his sea glass bracelet quietly clattering on the wooden table. Tess went pale and her look of confusion faded into a silent scream.
"Oh. I'm...I'm sorry," she stammered. "I didn't mean 'ta-."
"No, no! I don't mind bringing him up!" I said, a nervous laugh jittering my lungs. "I never get the chance to talk about my son, but I think about him all the time!"
I surprised myself when the expected sorrow didn't come. Instead, excitement filled its place -- an odd sense of relief that I could let out some of the thoughts that had been haunting me.
I proceeded to word-vomit about how wonderful it was to be pregnant with my son, and how angelic his parents were to me, and how I knew he would be okay -- even if I missed him -- and so forth and so on. I honestly don't think I stopped for breath.
I saw Ray and Tess glance at each other from the corners of their eyes as I rambled, a pair of knowing grins on their faces.
I'm no mind reader, but I think that's when the Tariqs made their final decision.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tess was with me for the embryo transfer, her ring-laden hand resting on my arm as everything was prepped. I was bloated as a water balloon from the multiple fertility drugs I'd been plunging into my veins -- every day, might I add -- for the past month. I sure was hoping those suckers worked, because being in a permanent state of PMS was ass. Total ass.
I reclined on the exam table, legs up in those familiar stirrups and my hips covered by a thin sheet of paper. I inhaled through my nose as the doctor inserted a long, thin tube of plastic through the ring of my cervix -- the end of which was attached to a syringe full of clear fluid. Somewhere in that syringe, three little embryos floated around -- and one of them was hopefully about to nestle into its new home.
I watched the fuzzy grey blurs on the ultrasound screen as the doctor angled the wand to see what he was doing. As I watched each of the three tiny balls leave the tube...I just hoped those fertility drugs didn't work too well.
Tess grinned down at me once it was over, her blonde braid falling over her shoulder. "We got three good un's in there," she said. I noticed she was clutching the quartz pendant around her neck like a string of prayer beads. "I'm sure one of 'em will like 'ya enough 'ta stick around."
I think she was just as worried as I was. Tess's egg retrieval, the test tube fertilization, the freezing, and my daily injections all combined into almost three months of prep work just for this ten-minute procedure.
And if it failed, we'd have to do it all over again. And if that failed, we'd do it again. And again.
"Yeah," I sighed, lowering my legs from the stirrups, "I hope you're right, Tess. 'Cause if not, I swear to God I'm gonna have-."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A girl!" Tess screeched to the high heavens, throwing herself against Ray in an attack hug. She jumped for joy while hanging from his neck, almost pulling the poor man to the floor. "It's a girl, Ray! We're havin' a girl!"
Ray laughed, backing up from the table so his wife didn't mule kick the ultrasound technician. "I don't know, Fawn," he said, looking my way with a huge smile and a raised eyebrow. "Do you think it's a girl?"
"Not sure," I said, my nose crinkling in a snicker, "but I think Tess said something about it being a girl."
"Shuddup you two," Tess giggled, sniffling as tears began falling down her cheeks.
Ray held his wife's face in his hands and gave her a kiss deep enough to explore the sea floor. The technician and I decided to focus on the ultrasound images to give the couple some privacy.
I craned my neck to look up at the screen. What had been a microscopic ball four months ago was now an apple-sized baby girl with wiggling arms and legs, and -- thank God -- there was only her in there. The other two embryos had never taken, but this rowdy little girl had held tight. I smiled as I watched the rapid flutter of her heart beating, amazed at the sight. I remembered being just as amazed by my son's heartbeat, what few times I'd gotten to see it.
"Look how active she is!" the technician said, pointing to the baby's constant wiggling. "You should be feeling those little dance moves of hers very soon."
Ray and Tess returned to admire the fuzzy images on the screen. Tess was drying her eyes on her sleeves, and Ray's smile may as well have been glowing. He had his arm around Tess's shoulders as they watched the miniature dance party going on inside me. The sea glass bracelet rattled as his hand came to rest over his heart.
"That's our daughter, Tess," he said. His voice broke a bit as he repeated: "That's our daughter."
"Yep," Tess sniffled, hugging her husband's torso and resting her head on his shoulder, "that's her."
I watched them hold each other like that until the technician turned off the wand and wiped the gel from my slightly rounded belly.
The Tariqs had already begun the steady payment plan we'd agreed to. Even after the agency took its cut each month, it was still more than I'd ever made in my life. That had been why I'd agreed to do this for them, after all.
That ultrasound appointment is what changed my outlook on what I was doing.
These two people. These two amazing people, so overcome with joy because I was carrying the baby that they could not.
I wasn't an incubator anymore. I felt more like a nanny, protecting their baby for them until she was strong enough to come out. They'd wanted this baby for so, so long -- and I was the one making that dream of theirs come true.
I knew what it was like to desperately want to hold a baby you were unable to have. I may not have been able to heal my own hurt, but here I was...healing theirs.
I wasn't doing it for the money after that.
I never did it for the money again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Five days after my twenty-first birthday, I woke up to a rather nasty surprise at one in the morning. I'd gotten kicked in the bladder, and my bedsheets and pajama bottoms were damp and sticking to my skin in the humid July air. Fantastic. Not again.
With a groan, I rolled out of bed and started shuffling my way to my door. I held the weight of my belly in my arms as I made my way to the upstairs communal bathroom, hoping to take the pressure off my hips.
I blinked against the harsh florescent light as it sputtered to life over the toilet. With a gruff sigh, I shut and locked the door.
"Suri, you gotta stop doing this," I slurred, my mouth too tired to move. "I'm letting you use my uterus as a bed and breakfast. The least you could do is not try to pop my bladder every night."
Surinder. Her name was Surinder, but we'd been calling her Suri for short. Ray picked it out. He liked it because it was based on the name of a Hindu god and also sounded like the word 'surrender' in English. Tess had fallen in love with the name. Me? I would've just stuck with 'Suri'. I knew exactly what kind of teasing she was in for at school with a name like 'Surinder'.
You can't exactly walk into public school with a name like 'Fawn' and not get laughed into oblivion.
At least the nickname gave her an extra name to fall back on. If that didn't work, she also had her middle name to use: Elora. I would've done the same back in high school -- I did have three to pick from -- but 'Aspen', 'Coriander', and 'Medulla' wouldn't have made the teasing any better.
I'd gone in at age eighteen and erased two of those names. It was just "Fawn Coriander Sequioa" now. Still not a normal name by any means. I often thought about going back into the records and legally changing my last name, just like my parents had done when they'd joined the commune before I was born.
I didn't need my last name. My family didn't want me anymore.
Alexander may have opened up a whole new world for me, but he made sure I burned every bridge behind me as I crossed it. I was already beginning to question my parents' worldview by the time I started dating him, but he took that little spark of doubt -- a spark that, if left alone, would've grown into a steady burn-away of my old ideals -- and fanned those embers into an uncontrollable hatred.
"They're a cult, babe," he'd told me. "Why can't you see that? I can take you away from that bullshit that says you gotta fuck other guys to be happy. I only want what's best for you, and for us."
After months of letting my teenaged angst and frustration boil over, it happened. An argument started between Mom and I over something asinine, and the geyser fucking exploded.
I parroted everything Alexander had been telling me. I told my parents they were nothing but sexual perverts who wanted me to be a whore all my life. I told them how their "woo-woo" medicine got kids killed all over the country, and that blood was on their hands. I told them how much they'd fucked up in raising me.
I told them I hated them.
I told Dad I hoped the next woman who sucked his dick bit it off.
I told Mom that if it was her, I hoped she died choking on it.
The last time I saw Dad, he was throwing everything I owned out of my bedroom window until I was on the sidewalk surrounded by broken furniture and muddy clothes.
The last time I saw Mom, she was sobbing face-down on the couch and refusing to look at me.
Even now, I would be willing sell my soul -- to lay down and die -- just to undo what I did that day.
I didn't give a shit at the time, though. I picked up what I could carry off the front lawn and walked to the nearest payphone to call Alex. I had to tell him I was finally free.
Free.
Right.
What a fucking joke.
I splashed some cold water on my face to wash off the nighttime sweat. Suri rolled one of her feet against the top of my belly, causing a little moving bump that I playfully poked with my finger.
"I'm going to bill you for all those crazy dance parties you're having in there, missy," I said with a grin, a lot less frustrated with her than I was a second ago.
I grabbed a washcloth to start cleaning myself off, but the realization dawned on me and I stopped cold. That was her foot. Her foot was at the top of my belly...which meant her head was angled down...which meant there was no way she'd kicked my bladder.
As I stood at the sink trying to solve that puzzle, I found the missing piece. My belly clamped down hard enough to pitch me forward. I grabbed onto the sides of the sink with a small gasp, feeling the muscles of my torso all tighten and shrink in the direction of my uterus. As it did, a little more dampness spread across my pajama pants.
Oh fuck.
Oh, holy fuck!
I left the bathroom in as much of a jog as I could manage, rushing back into my room and to the brand-new cell phone charging by the window. I had no idea how to save numbers on that thing, so I manually dialed Ray's number. His was the only one I could remember.
The other side of the call rang for a solid thirty seconds before Ray's sleep-drunk voice picked up:
"Hello?" he grumbled. "Who is this?"
Oh, right. He probably didn't have my new number saved, either.
"Ray, it's Fawn," I said, noticing too late that my voice was trembling. "You and Tess need to come pick me up...like right now!"
I heard a rustle on the other end, and suddenly Ray sounded very much awake. "Fawn? Fawn, what's wrong?!" I thought I heard Tess say something nearby, probably on the other side of their bed. "Why do you need us to get you?! Suri isn't due for another two weeks!"
"She...she had other plans," I said, taking a deep breath to steel my nerves. "My water just broke."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ray's face was illuminated by the highway streetlights as he glanced back at Tess and I in the backseat of the car. "How's it going back there?" he asked, flicking his gaze between us and the road.
"Aughh!" I groaned in response as a contraction stole my ability to speak. I tried to lift my hips off the leather seat as more fluid leaked from me, but the seatbelt held me down. I was already sitting in a small puddle of it, and I was worried I was ruining their upholstery. I was still dressed in my pajamas, but I considered them a lost cause.
"We're doin' fine," Tess said, slipping her hand into mine so I could squeeze it -- which I did. "Focus on the road, Ray."
Tess had buckled herself into the middle seat of the minivan, giving her enough room to tend to me while I was strapped in the window seat. I sat with my legs as far apart as the seatbelt would allow. I could already feel the baby pressing through my cervix, and I recognized the pounding pressure that came with it.
The contraction lasted about forty seconds, and it left me reeling and panting. I had no idea when to expect the next one. "Why is this happening so fast?!" I asked, my voice shrill with anxiety. "I was in labor for over a day last time!"
"It's probably not happenin' as fast as 'ya think, doll," Tess assured me, giving my hand a pat. "You could'a slept through most of early labor. Second baby always comes faster than the first, 'ya know."
No. No, I did not know!
"Tessie, how close did the doula say she was?" Ray asked, obeying his wife and not taking his eyes off the road that time.
Tess's face was bathed in white light as she quickly checked her phone. "Ten minutes," she said. "She'll be waiting outside the house when we get there."
Just before she put her phone away, I saw her clutching the quartz pendant again.
Just as promised, the doula was parked outside the Tariqs' farmhouse when we got there. She climbed out of her car as soon as our headlights lit up the gravel driveway. Ray parked the minivan with a lurch and jumped out to start helping her carry things into the house.
Tess helped me out of the car, letting me use her as a crutch as we hobbled up the front steps.
"You ready 'ta do this, Fawn?" she asked.
"Are you ready to do this?" I rebutted.
Tess paused for a second, and then rubbed my lower back as we reached the porch. "Not really," she said, "but no one ever is."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Turns out, I wasn't as deep into active labor as I thought I was. In fact, I'd barely started it. The doula told me I was six centimeters dilated, and that I'd likely been in labor for close to twelve hours at that point.
"No, that's not possible," I protested from my reclined position on the sofa. "I wasn't having contractions until now."
"Trust me, you were," the doula grinned from her place between my knees. She slipped off her blue latex gloves and tossed them in the trash as she stood up. "I'm willing to bet they were just really mild up until you started leaking."
It was a relief to know my water breaking didn't mean I was going to deliver right there and then; but it also sucked knowing I was still in for a long ride.
I spent the rest of that night laboring around the farmhouse. It was so nice to not be stuck in a hospital room that time. I was free to do as I pleased, which Ray and Tess were sure to make clear.
Ray opened a few of the windows to let the sounds of crickets and frogs in, as well as the sweet-smelling breeze of the countryside. Meanwhile, Tess made it her life's mission to make me as cozy as possible -- no matter where I ended up. Thanks to her, pillows followed me from the sofa to the floor, from the floor to the recliner, and then back to the sofa.
Eventually, I got too restless to sit still and I needed to be upright. I was on my feet for the rest of active labor, hanging from the edges of furniture or leaning on either Tess or Ray for support during the contractions. Neither of them minded a bit.
It didn't hurt any less than the first time I went into labor. At times, I was so overcome by the increasing horrible sensations that I began screaming. Each time that happened, either Tess or Ray (whichever I was currently clinging to) would wrap their arms around me and the other would redirect my focus.
"Look at me, doll," Tess said, taking my face in her hands while Ray held me upright.
I was hyperventilating and sobbing my way through a nasty contraction and had forgotten how to use my legs.
"Look at me," she repeated gently. "Focus on my face. See my eyes? My nose? My mouth?" she pointed to each feature as she listed them. "Just think about what'cha see. Think about every detail 'ya can."
It was a technique that sounded stupid on paper, but in practice it was very effective at keeping me grounded. If I counted each of Tess's eyelashes or tried to trace the shape of her mouth in my mind's eye, then I didn't focus on the pain.
I could do it. I knew I could. I'd done this whole song and dance before without painkillers. I could do it again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At ten in the morning, eight hours after arriving at the house, I finally felt the shift that told me I was almost done with this.
I was kneeling on the hardwood floor of the living room, my thighs supported by the shallow birthing stool the doula had brought. Beneath me was an absorbent blue pad. Based on the design of the packaging it was pulled it from, it was supposed to be for potty training puppies. Weird...but if it worked, it worked -- and it was certainly needed. The head was descending quicky, and a few bloody strands of cervical mucus were dripping from me as the last of it gave way.
I'd shed the damp pajamas I came in, but the sweat rolling down my back made me shiver each time an outdoor breeze came through. Tess draped a thin blanket over my shoulders and stayed at my back, her hands never leaving my upper arms as I bowed my head and wailed through a transition contraction.
Ray knelt a few feet in front of me, the doula at his side. He looked a strange mixture of nauseous and excited -- we had decided he would be the one to catch the baby, and the doula was talking him through the process ahead of time. I noticed he was holding a hand to his heart as he listened to her, the sea glass bracelet hanging from his wrist.
We all knew it was about to happen.
When the head finally lodged itself into my birth canal, I said nothing. I just acted. I gripped the front edges of the foot-tall birthing stool and let out a feral growl as I started to push. A chorus of encouragement came from the people around me:
"That's it, doll! C'mon!"
"Go with the urge, Fawn. You've got this!"
"Very good, that's what we like to see."
Having gravity on my side this time made pushing feel much less like a chore. I could feel Suri working her way down each push I gave, and she usually stayed where she was once I let up. Kneeling on the stool seemed to be easing her down exactly where she needed to go.
I let out a yelp -- of surprise more than pain -- as I suddenly felt her head pressing against the skin of my perineum. The pressure opened my lips up like a flower, and the doula shined a flashlight underneath me to confirm her head was visible just inside the bulge of my lips, sitting there ready to crown with the next push.
And holy fuck, did she crown! The burn started the second her scalp met the outside air.
"Oww! God-fucking-damn it!" I white-knuckled the wooden stool, a strangled scream leaving my throat as I felt the head bulge out further, peeling my vagina apart like some demented fruit.
Ray scooted closer, rubbing alcohol up and down his arms in preparation to catch. With the doula watching over his shoulder and aiming a flashlight down so he could see, Ray slipped his hands beneath me. I felt his fingers prodding the skin around the head.
"Just like that, yes," the doula told him. "Help her open, this baby seems to be eager."
"No shit!" I roared, my arms trembling as another push sent the head rushing downward. "Fuck!"
I felt Ray's fingers trace the circumference of his daughter's head as more of it emerged, heard the quiet squelching of the afterbirth coating his fingers. When I no longer had the contraction to help me, I let up. Ray kept trying to massage my vagina open, even as I was trying to rest.
"Stop!" I snapped, and he withdrew.
Tess was hiding behind me, her hands on my shoulders the only reminder she was there. She peeked over my shoulder at her husband during the brief lull in my screaming.
"How far is she out?" she asked, unable to see for herself.
The doula craned her neck. "Almost fully crowned."
"She has so much hair," Ray said with a breathy laugh.
"She does," the doula agreed with a grin. "Her daddy's hair, too. Very dark."
I tilted my head to the side, panting heavily but morbidly curious. "Can...can I feel?" I asked.
The doula took my hand and lead it below my belly. I gasped in awe when I touched the hot, gooey ball of hair sticking out from my body.
"Woah..." I muttered, not sure what to else to say.
My fingertips wandered between my legs for a few seconds, and it was both fascinating and horrifying how my anatomy felt nothing like my own body. Everything was stretched and moved around, and it didn't feel like I was touching anything resembling a human body part -- save for the head sitting where a head shouldn't be. Frightened, I pulled my hand back just in time to bear down against a new contraction.
"Hands out, Ray," the doula gently encouraged. "Here she comes."
I felt Tess press her forehead into my upper back. I think she was feeling faint.
"Ah!" A sharp cry, almost a bark, shot from me as the head reached a full crown for a few terrible seconds. Then, with a wet slip, her whole head came free.
"Holy Mother Gaia..." Ray marveled in a half-whisper. His hands cupped the head hanging under me with the most attentive care in the world.
He didn't have much time to admire the view, I wasn't done pushing. I screamed through closed lips as I felt the ring of flesh just behind my skin get stretched wider than it had ever been. I knew something was wrong as soon as that stabbing, tearing burn began. Suri was two weeks early, but she suddenly felt bigger than my son had been.
"Pull her out!" I begged, remembering what the doctor had done. "Just pull her out!"
"Can't," the doula said. "Her hands are up by her ears, there's nowhere for us to grab."
"Take it slow, Fawn," Ray offered. "I've got her, there's no reason to rush."
I took a few quick pants and rested, hoping the stabbing burn would lessen if I let myself stretch out. It's no wonder it hurt so bad delivering her shoulders, she was making this part more difficult than it needed to be.
Tess's hands lightly squeezed my arms and I felt her hiding her face in the blanket draped over my back. Yeah, she was definitely on the verge of passing out.
Gravity was pulling on Suri even as I was trying to let myself stretch, and the shifting pressure triggered me to push without the aid of a contraction.
"Aughh, Suri come on!" I begged, pushing so hard my vision was going double.
Maybe saying her name was intimidating enough to get her to move, because with that push I felt her arms pop free. Ray gasped, and I felt his hands shift to support her upper body as the rest of her slipped out of me. I heard fluid splash and splatter onto the puppy pad, and just a second later, Ray lifted a small blue baby up from under me.
"Get her breathing," the doula urgently instructed. "Turn her over and rub her back. Support her head."
Ray obeyed, gently flipping Suri over on his lap and rubbing his large hand over her back. Her head hung disturbingly limp on her neck as he jostled her around, but I knew that's what it was supposed to be like. It still looked scary.
Suri splayed her arms out, as if she's been surprised, and let out a gurgling wail as her first breath.
"There she is," Ray sighed with releif, turning her back over to hold her in his arms. The doula whipped out a small towel and draped it over her body to keep her warm.
Tess came back to life and rushed to be beside her husband the instant she heard the baby cry. The moment she saw Suri in her daddy's hands, she dropped to her knees and covered her mouth. Her eyes spilled over, tears flowing down her cheeks.
"Oh, Ray!" she cried, her voice shaky and breaking. She reached out and pet her daughter's wet mop of black hair. "Ray, she's beautiful!"
Ray couldn't answer, he was too choked on tears of his own. Both parents held their daughter between their bodies, too joyful for words to express. Their tears and shared kisses told the story, though.
As for me, I wasn't too sure what to make of the situation. She was out, she was healthy, and her parents would be taking it from here. My job was done; but it did feel a bit...abrupt.
"Fawn," Tess turned to me, uselessly trying to dry her eyes, "do you want to hold her?"
I didn't think, I just spoke: "Yes. I've never held a baby before."
Ray and Tess lifted Suri up to me. Ray adjusted my hold so I could support the places that needed it, and Tess made sure the bloodied towel was in place so Suri wouldn't get cold. Within seconds, there I was with a minute-old baby in my arms, sitting against my bare chest.
I stared down silently at the tiny person who had been living inside me the last nine months. She was screaming her head off, but her lungs were sounding clearer each time her mouth opened. Her pink, toothless gums reminded me of a fish's mouth.
"Hey, Suri," I said, my voice sounding far away. "Must feel better out here, huh?" Suri wailed again, unhappily flailing her arms and legs around. "Or not."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I rested on the sofa, extra puppy pads beneath me, as the doula and the parents did the 'lotus ceremony' on the other side of the room. I'd had to sit on that stool for an extra twenty minutes until the placenta passed -- Ray and Tess wanted to have a lotus birth, where the cord was burned through only after the afterbirth was delivered.
I didn't want to know what they planned to do with the placenta itself.
Ray had offered to drive back to the women's shelter later that day to grab my duffel bag for me. In my panic, I'd completely forgotten the overnight bag I'd packed. So, for the time being, I was naked and covered only by the thin blanket Tess had given me.
The lotus ceremony finished up, and Ray and Tess pulled up some chairs to sit beside me. Tess had gone topless and had laid a sleeping Suri carefully across her chest, doing skin-to-skin so they could establish the proper mother-baby bond. Her eyes were red and raw, and fresh tears were falling from them.
"Fawn," she began, "you'll never know how much this means 'ta us."
"You're welcome," I said, offering the couple a tired smile. "She was a rowdy tenant, but I'd gladly do it again to give you guys the family you want. You'll be an amazing mom, Tess."
Tess let out a small sob that turned into a chuckle. "Thank 'ya."
Ray rubbed his wife's back, his own fresh tears falling. "We have something very special to give you, Fawn. It's...the closest thing we have to fully repaying you."
Tess nodded. "Money ain't enough. It would never be enough."
In sync, both couples removed the pieces of jewelry I'd never seen them without: Tess, her quartz pendant; Ray, his sea glass bracelet. Without a word, both new parents bestowed the items on me as if it were a coronation. Tess slipped the pendant around my neck and flipped my hair out from under the chain it hung on. Ray carefully slid the band of clattering sea-green beads over my hand until it came to rest softly on my wrist.
I looked at the new gifts with a grateful smile. "Something to remember you guys by?"
The couple gave each other one of their classic knowing grins.
"No," Tess said. "We chose these items months ago. They were always intended for who our surrogate would be."
I tilted my head to the side like a confused dog -- I guess the puppy pads were appropriate after all. "What?"
"From the day we met you, we've been praying over them," Ray explained, repeating the hand-over-heart motion I'd frequently seen him do with the hand that had worn the bracelet. "Each milestone we reached, we made sure our joy in the moment was stored in the crystals."
"Quartz is best to channel the energy of a mother, for Mother Gaia," Tess explained. "Glass shaped by the sea is best for a father's energy, for all life was fathered by the sea."
We were silent for a while, just staring at each other. The only sound was the soft cooing Surinder made in her sleep.
"We want you 'ta be a part of this family, Fawn," Tess said. "We've put a part of our essence into these crystals. Our joy, our love, our gratitude. So, whenever 'ya wear 'em, we'll be with 'ya."
Now I was crying. I opened my jaw to say something, but nothing came.
"We've talked about it, and..." Ray said with a smile. "...if you would like to, we'd be more than happy to have you stay here with us until you get back on your feet."
"Livin' out here has been much less of a headache than in the city," Tess continued. "We could help you find a nice 'lil place of your own sometime soon, a home where you can make a life for 'yaself."
There was another pause. I let tears fall silently down my bewildered face.
"You don't talk much about 'ya family," Tess said. "You don't owe us no explanation, but...Ray and I figured...you might need someone in 'ya corner."
That was it. That was the killing blow.
I jumped forward and threw my arms over Ray, collapsing into sobs I hadn't experienced in months. I would've grabbed both of them, but Tess had the baby. I didn't actually say anything to them, but I think they got the message.
Maybe there was something to those New Age ideas of theirs. As I sat there sobbing, I swear I could feel the warmth of Tess and Ray's love seeping into my skin through those minerals.
It seeped through my blood and sinew, and even though bone. It settled into the bleeding wound in my soul that refused to heal, the one that had been torn open the first time I called my family after the fallout:
My own mother, the one who promised to love me no matter what life threw, plunged the knife in and twisted it. The last words she ever spoke to me...were a threat to kill me if I ever tried to come back home.
The warmth of Ray and Tess's gift poured into that wound like warm honey -- not healing it, but soothing it for the first time in three years.
Maybe I was overthinking it. Maybe the heat in the jewelry was just from their body heat.
But I was sure about one thing:
I wasn't alone anymore.
~ END ~
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Hello!! I hope it's alright i request some junkrat...hes my fav goober...
Specifically his Junkenstien skin, maybe he becomes obsessed over townsgirl reader ? (I know halloween is over but I just love this skin sm!!)
Sure! I get what you mean, it's a good skin and it even has an event storyline tied to it. I'll see what I can do!
Yandere! Junkenstein! Junkrat with Townsgirl! Darling
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Manipulation, One-sided adoration, Violence, Death, Mentioned murder, Pining, Forced relationship.
Honestly we aren't too sure why Junkenstein wants his revenge against the Lord of the castle.
Far as I know that backstory was never revealed in the event.
Except for him being mocked according to a comic.
But hear me out-
Maybe he feels the Lord is keeping him from his love?
Maybe the gate being closed and the heroes being hired was to separate you from Junkenstein.
That could be a potential motive, yeah?
That's how Junkenstein sees it.
In reality it was due to his monster's rampage.
Let's first layout backstory for you and Junkenstein.
Junkenstein was a scientist for the Lord of Adlersbrunn.
He worked day and night making robotic creations to appease the Lord.
Yet that's not all.
Junkenstein was also in love with a girl who lived in the town.
Love felt more like infatuation as Junkenstein always rambled about you to himself.
The scientist often tinkered and made robots to appease his love.
You had a vague idea he loved you... but not the extent of it.
Junkenstein's gifts were plenty.
Only the best for his love....
"To the loveliest girl in town... from your intelligent admirer!"
His gifts are all made with shiny metal, small robotic automatons to make you smile.
Perhaps a small robotic dog or cat? Something to remind you of him?
Junkenstein may be mocked by the Lord... but never you.
You always loved his creations, with you he was never judged.
How could he not fall for you?
To him... you are everything.
Sure... call him a creep for watching your every move and fantasizing about you...
You're just so... magnificent.
None of his creations could match your beauty.
Junkenstein feels his heart swell when you enjoy his gifts.
He promises he'll make more for you if you wish for it!
Unfortunately... Junkenstein still has to appeal to the Lord.
Which makes him go down the rabbit hole of making his latest creation, a living creature.
He visits you at times but eventually has to return to his work.
Junkenstein thought he was making progress between you.
He no longer had to "admire you from afar"... he was able to hold giddy conversations with you!
Then disaster strikes for the first time.
He manages to make his new monster come to life with the help of a witch, only for it to rampage through the streets.
At first Junkenstein likes the carnage.
It serves as revenge against those who mocked him.
Right up until... his monster attacks you.
You weren't hurt too badly but Junkenstein felt guilt seep into his heart.
He goes to comfort you, chanting apologies one after another due to the fact he let this happen.
What he got? You pushed him away.
Junkenstein was exiled shortly after, along with his creation.
For years after the event Junkenstein thought of the fact he hurt you.
He mulled things over, twitching and sobbing into himself.
This wasn't supposed to happen!
He was supposed to love you!
You were both meant to fall for one another and become a couple!
Now all he has is memories...
Yet... the witch said there was a way to get what he wanted.
He wanted you, yes?
So why not plan to take you?
This starts Junkenstein's Revenge.
He charges through the town with his creations.
He first intended to search for you... his beloved townsgirl... then he planned to make the Lord pay.
Unfortunately he saw you run off into the castle... protected by a locked gate and four heroes.
He saw the look in your eyes... you're scared of him.
There's nothing to be scared of... he won't let his monster harm you again.
One way or another... he plans to break that gate down and kill those four hired guards by his own hands if he has to.
He doesn't care if he dies trying... he knows what he has to do.
He'll break that gate down and claim his prize...
Even if blood stains his coat and gloves... he plans to have you two together once again by the end of tonight.
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𝑴𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒀𝒐𝒖(𝒓 𝑩𝒐𝒅𝒚)
Park Seonghwa X amab!gn!reader
Summary: With your boyfriend away on tour, you started missing him in more ways than one. Maybe a phone call is all you need to fix it.
WC: 2.4k
CW: Smut, fluff, some angst at the end
Smut Warnings: Phone sex, dirty talk (SO much), mutual masturbation, handjob, toys, slight dacryphilia (?)
Your dear, loving boyfriend had embarked on another tour. Another many months of traveling, performing, all without you by his side.
It had hardly been a month and you were already tired of it.
You thought you'd get used to it, seeing how he was gone a lot when he wasn't on tour, but this was different. He was constantly in a different place, and more often than not, he was still busy when he wasn't performing. So even if you wanted to chase him down somehow, it would be incredibly difficult. And expensive.
So you were left alone, in your apartment, without your boyfriend.
It especially became problematic when you'd be laying in watching his performances. You went down a rabbit hole, finding the many gifs and clips, watching your talented, hot ass boyfriend grind and thrust his hips and wish he'd do it on you.
It didn't even take long before you were rubbing the blanket against your growing hard on.
The few times you'd tried to get yourself off with Seonghwa since he'd left hadn't been fun. You could get it done, sure, but it didn't feel as good without him.
So you called Seonghwa.
You balled up the blanket in your fist as it rang, counting them, expecting the disappointment of going to voice-mail.
“Hi jagi!”
And you sighed in relief when you heard his voice.
“Hi love.”
On the other end, Seonghwa actually had a few hour break. They'd gotten to the hotel earlier than planned and had plenty of time before the rehearsals. So he was in his bed thinking of calling you.
“How are you? You okay?”
“Yeah,” you said with a sigh. “I just miss you.”
“I miss my jagi too.”
His voice through the phone was enough to send chills down your spine and straight to your already hard dick. You bit your lip to not accidentally let a noise slip.
“Are you feeling okay? Are you tired?”
“No, no.” Seonghwa shook his head, as if you could've seen that. “I took a nap not too long ago and I've got some time before our show.” He smiled to himself. “And seeing your name pop up made me feel amazing.”
Your heart swelled and you couldn't help but smile at that. But in the back of your mind, the little needy voice whispered “Yes, this is perfect, he has time.”
“You're sweet,” you breathed, moving your hand down to slowly rub your dick. You rolled your eyes back at the small but powerful movement, making hot bolts of pleasure shoot up through your bones. “I'm glad you're okay.” Your voice was growing more strained as you were trying to hide your obvious growing desire.
You didn't want to spring the idea on Seonghwa too soon, you didn't want him to think you only wanted him for sex. Of course you didn't, you'd been calling him almost every day just to hear his voice, checking to see what timezone he was in to do so.
But it seemed really shitty to call your boyfriend up and immediately ask him for sex, didn't it?
You wanted to ask in a better way, but Seonghwa could hear your heavy breaths and the slight whine in your voice.
“Are you okay, angel?” The pet name shouldn't have made you whine.
“I'm okay, I just…” You trailed off, and sighed as you stopped your movements completely. “I was watching your performances, and I got horny, and so I called you, but I didn't want to seem like it was just that, I wanted to call you for more than just sex.” You were babbling endlessly, trying to make sure Seonghwa didn't misunderstand your intentions.
But lucky for you, your loving boyfriend was willing to provide.
“I can help you.” Your eyes went wide as his voice slipped into a deeper tone, and this time, you couldn't help but whimper. “Aww, that desperate? My poor baby, I'll take care of you.”
“Thank you,” you whined, palming your dick, pre cum already soaking your shorts through.
“Of course.” You could hear his smirk through the phone. “Strip yourself down, handsome. Completely.”
You did as he commanded, putting your phone on speaker and stripping your clothes off, flinging them to some random part of the bedroom. You yanked the blanket off your body to expose yourself to the room, and shivered as the cool air hit your leaking cock.
“Okay, done.”
“Nowstroke yourself. Slowly. Don't speed up until I tell you, okay?”
“Okay-”
“And let me hear all your pretty moans.”
Chills raced over you again as you ran your hand down your body to your dick, slowly stroking yourself, the pre cum that leaked out working as lube. You dropped your head back and whined, pleasure shooting up through your body again,
You let out a small whine, trying to not sound too desperate too early. But Seonghwa's pants were already growing tighter.
“Fuck,” he muttered, rolling his eyes back. “That’s it, jagi. Fuck, you've got me hard too.”
“Maybe this can help as a stress reliever,” you said with a soft giggle. Seonghwa smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, it would.” He groaned again as he pulled his pants and boxers down enough to pull his cock out and stroke himself. He closed his eyes and sighed, imagining it was you instead.
“What I wouldn’t give to have you here, to help me relax.” He stifled a moan when he ran his thumb over the tip. “Split you open, make you scream on my cock.”
You couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped you. The slow pace your were stroking yourself at was agonizing. Not enough. “Hwa, can I go faster? Please?”
“Yes jagi,” he breathed. “Go faster, imagine it’s me.”
You already were. You were already imagining it was his hand stroking your cock instead of yours, imagining that he was beside you, that he was still here with you.
Seonghwa smiled when he heard your moans and whimpers get louder. “Aww, you sound so precious.” He stroked himself faster too. “So cute, God, I with I could fuck you. Fuck you full of my cum, my babies.”
Your whole body shuddered and you let out a broken cry, whimpers and moans tumbling from your lips, panting out his name over and over. It only made him harder and harder, more sensitive, craving the feeling of your soft, warm hole around his cock instead of his hand.
“Want them so bad,” you breathed, choking on your own noises. “Can I use a toy? Please, Hwa? Just to help, please-”
“Yes, jagi, imagine it’s me.” Seonghwa interrupted, gulping as he squeezed his cock a little, running his tongue over his lips. “Fuck your cock and imagine it’s me-” He cut off with a moan. “Pretend it’s my hand.”
You scrambled to grab a toy to fuck yourself, finding it, and pouring lube into it before you laid back in bed, making yourself comfortable before you slowly pushed the toy onto your cock.
You let out a loud whine as you slowly filled up the toy. “Hwa, feels so good,” you whimpered.
Seonghwa’s tongue fell out of his mouth as his breathing got heavier, his eyes still closed, pumping his cock and imagining you on top of him. “I know, jagi.” He whined as he sped up again. “Keep going, make yourself feel good.”
You slowly fucked yourself with the toy, arching your back, pressing your head back into the pillows. You were completely lost in your fantasy, imagining he was here, that it was him who was fucking you and making you lose your mind.
“Your hand feels so good,” you babbled. “Fucking my cock, feels so fucking good.”
God, you’d be the death of him. Seonghwa’s thighs started shaking, sweat sliding down his face. He smirked as his tongue poked out again.
“Such a filthy fucking slut,” he muttered. “Yeah? Feels good? It feels good when I fuck you?” He was going into his own daze, bordering on drunk, losing himself in the abyss of pleasure. “What if I sucked you off instead? You want my mouth, precious?”
“Yes!” You cried. “Yes, please, I need you!”
“Oh, you’ll get me, baby. You’ll have all of me. I’ll fuck you dumb, my precious little slut.”
Your hand unconsciously sped up, fucking your cock faster and harder, making you cry out louder. You couldn’t help but scream Seonghwa’s name, arching your back off the bed further, desperately crying out for him.
Seonghwa sped up too, his moans getting louder, whines becoming more frequent, his hands shaking more and more, sweat was pouring down the sides of his face, running down his neck.
“Talk to me,” you whimpered out, tears on the edges of your eyes, stuttering through your words. “Talk to me while you fuck me dumb, tell me how good I feel, how filthy I am.”
Your request knocked the wind from Seonghwa’s lungs. You heard him softly choke. Some small seed of pride swelled in your chest.
“You’re so fucking filthy,” he babbled, his voice high and shaky. “Just wanna be fucked stupid, a needly little slut, want me to suck you until you come. So good for me, so perfect, fuck, I wanna cum all over you.”
He was panting heavily, so fucking close, but he held himself back to wait for you. But he could tell you were close, and he said as much. “Wanna come for me, angel? I can hear you crying.”
And you were, the tears were flowing down your face, desperate screams and moans ripping from your throat. You were so close, you just needed a little bit more of a push.
You reached up and rubbed your chest, pinching your nipples, bringing you even closer, but you just needed more. More of your boyfriend’s voice.
“Yes, I’m close,” you gasped. “I wanna come for you, love, wanna come for you like a good little whore.”
Seonghwa finally let out a whimper as he squeezed his eyes shut, teetering on the edge of his orgasm. “Come for me, come with me, be a good whore and come for my mouth.”
That’s what you needed. You tipped over the edge and your orgasm washed over you, tearing screams and cries of Seonghwa’s name from your throat, sobbing from the pleasure.
Seonghwa was right behind you, gasping and whimpering out your name as he came all over his hand, slowly stroking himself until it was over, chanting your name the whole time.
You both laid there in your separate beds, panting heavily, trying to get your breath back. Neither of you said anything for a bit.
But once you opened your eyes, the reality set in again. You were alone. Seonghwa wasn’t the one who fucked you. Seonghwa was hours away. He was only a voice through your phone.
And the tears came back stronger than ever.
Seonghwa’s heart broke hearing you cry. He knew exactly why. This wasn’t the first time you’d been on the phone with him and cried because he wasn’t there in your bed with you. The last night he was with you, you cried yourself to sleep on his chest, telling him how much you wished you could go with him.
“Jagi?” He called softly. “Are you okay?”
“No,” you sobbed, rolling onto your side and grabbing one of your pillows, hugging it tight. “You’re not here, and I need you here.”
“I know.” Seonghwa’s throat was closing up and his nose burned as tears formed in his eyes.
You grabbed your phone and set it closer to you. “I want you to hold me, and kiss me, and tell me I did good.” You sobbed out all your words, hardly making much sense, but Seonghwa heard you well enough.
“You did so good for me, angel,” Seonghwa said softly, like he always spoke to you after sex. “I wish I could hold you and kiss you too.” He choked up and pursed his lips, trying not to burst into tears.
You sobbed into the pillow. “I want you home!”
And that was all it took to break him. The tears spilled over and down Seonghwa’s cheeks, softly sobbing and whimpering, curling up in his bed and wishing your arms were around him too. He missed you as much as you missed him, he spent many nights tossing and turning without you, yearning for your touch, your kisses, your voice.
“I know, jagi, I wanna be home with you too,” he sobbed. “I want to so badly.”
You both cried, not knowing how to comfort the other. There was no way around this. Your boyfriend wasn’t coming home for a while. A long while. You wouldn’t see him for a long while. The idea smashes your heart to pieces all over again.
“Can’t I come see you?” You whimpered.
“You could, but you know it wouldn’t be more than a day.” Seonghwa sniffled and got up to clean himself up. Every movement was slow and heavy.
“I don’t care, I just need to see you.” You got up to clean yourself up too, slowly pulling the toy off of yourself and taking it with you to clean up.
“Then maybe if you can somehow get a flight to the next country we’re performing in, I guess.”
It didn’t take you long to find a flight to their next country. It was expensive, yes, but you had money saved up for this. Seonghwa told you months and months before the tour was announced to the world that there was going to be one. You’d been secretly saving up since then to afford such a trip to see him.
Your everything. Your world. The light of your life. You needed to see him.
You laid back down in bed, tired and ready to sleep. Seonghwa had cleaned himself up and laid back down as well, promising to wait until you felt tired enough to fall asleep.
“You’ll really be there?” He asked softly.
“I will, love,” you said back, just as soft. Seonghwa smiled, and his heart swelled at the thought. He couldn’t wait to have you in his arms again.
“Then you need your sleep.”
“I know.” Your eyes were already getting heavy, along with the rest of your body.
“Sleep well, my precious jagi. I love you.”
“I love you too, Hwa.”
You ended the call first. It hurt to do it, but you knew Seonghwa wasn’t going to.
You closed your eyes and let sleep take you away to dreamland, where your beloved was waiting for you again.
Thank you for reading! Please reblog if you enjoyed! 💜
This is a work of fiction written by me. This does not represent the idol(s) in any way. Any re-upload is not allowed and will be reported.
#ateez#ateez fanfiction#ateez fanfic#ateez fic#ateez ff#ateez smut#ateez x reader#ateez x male reader#ateez seonghwa#park seonghwa#seonghwa#seonghwa fanfiction#seonghwa fanfic#seonghwa fic#seonghwa ff#seonghwa smut#seonghwa x reader#seonghwa x male reader
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I just can't get over Evanstan, Minnie. I mean, I'm always thinking about them knowing it's real people fiction, but then sometimes, I just think about that it wouldn't have been such a surprise if it ever worked out differently for them, you know? What I'm trying to say is, you know those actor couples who fall in love on set and end up together? Maybe if Chris and Sebastian did a good romance movie together in the first place, it would be totally possible that would happen for them, too. I don't know, maybe it's me going through hormonal changes, but I want to cry! They'd be genuinely be perfect for each other if things were different a little bit. Just the reminder of it being a [mostly unlikely (wink wink), yet] genuine possibility and that it would make absolute sense outside of fiction, too.
(Ps: this is not to disrespect or deny their real life personal lives, in any way! I just got emotional a little bit, I never thought I was this deep down into the rabbit hole. Dammit 😂)
Hiii sweetheart!! 💞💞 Thanks so much for your message (and the other one that I'll reply to in a sec). It's been a hot minute since I gushed about these boys on here and it was so lovely reading your asks and feeling all those feelings about them again 🥹🥰 So thank you so much for that!!
And thank you for being so respectful too, that's how I've always tried to ship them as well, although I totally understand that sometime it's just really hard not to get super invested and emotional about the two of them and what they might mean to each other 🥺 Happens to me all the time too, so don't worry about it, nonnie! As long as we keep it confined to fandom spaces, I think it's totally fine to go a little wild with shipping real people sometimes!
And ugh, I cannot tell you how often I've had that thought, that they'd be absolutely perfect for each other if only things were just a little bit different 🥺 They just are so compatible, it's crazy?? They'd make so much sense together, honestly, and I would love to live in the universe where they did end up together because I am sure there is one. No way there isn't. I'm still hoping and praying this universe will one day give us another movie starring both Chris and Sebastian and preferably a romantic one, and ideally one where they play lovers 😭 Their insane chemistry needs at least another chance! Until that time, we'll just have to keep daydreaming together 🥰💞
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"let's make a promise to keep moving forward, thank you for smile"
約束 (Yakusoku) from The iDOLM@STER
thank you for everything, electric fairy. good luck wherever the wind takes you next 💚
excuse me for hiding a long emotional note here, ugly twt has a character limit after all. anyway, i don't think pomu will read this i'll be really embarrassed if she does but i just wanted to write about it a lil bit bc if you know me, i don't really talk about being a quiet pomudachi all that much.
pomu's one of the first big corpo vtubers i ever watched, and one of the first from nijien that i watched. she's definitely been in my top 3 in the last year and a half-ish that i've fallen down the rabbit hole. although i didn't chat in her streams all that often and i generally don't interact with a lot of other niji fans, i definitely enjoyed listening her laugh and smile with everyone, watching her silly antics on streams, vods and clips, and being amazed by the big projects she worked towards.
when i saw her graduation announcement moments after i woke up, i was devastated. but i know she'll move on to bigger and brighter things for herself, and really, knowing she will find her own way to shine once again is enough for me. i don't think there'll ever be another pomu rainpuff, who has been so inspiring, silly in the best way, ambitious and just a joy to watch. thank you pomu. i really do wish you the best wherever you go, and i hope maybe another day we'll see you again. but for now...
we are pomu! 💚
#pomupaint#pomu rainpuff#nijisanji en#vtuber#i'll miss her so much :')#artists on tumblr#illustration#procreate
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