Nathalie is in denial, all like "I just have a deep admiration for Gabriel's drive to rescue Emilie, but it's not romantic" and uses formal distance (like calling him "sir") to maintain that.

Meanwhile, Gabriel is over here like "I am head over heels but she only sees me as a friend oh woe is me", using her formal distance as proof that she doesn't love him.

Adrien drops the "mom" word on Nathalie and she goes into an entire crisis, and lands at "good lord I am smitten".

Nathalie tries to test the waters, and foregoes the "sir" once. Gabriel very much notices and mentally screams, but his resting scowl makes Nathalie think "oh no he don't like that"

Nathalie waits a few days, before giving Gabriel her resignation. "What! Why?" "I'll get in the way of the goal." They get into an argument, and it ends with Natalie shouting "Because I'm in love with you!" which shuts Gabriel up real quick. Nathalie's all like "and it conflicts with your goal; I'll only impede you" and Nathalie's rant is stopped by Gabriel's "I'm in love with you, too."

long story short they are very in love. keep doing what you're doing. you're doing the entire gabenath fandom the biggest service. you're amazing

Another Gabenath Fanfiction

Note: I just wanna start off by saying I absolutely love this idea and thank you for the kind words and the suggestion! ❤️❤️ ❤️

Also I want to apologize for how long this took me. This was originally going to be released in full, but I realized the story was becoming a little too lengthy so I decided to release this in chapter increments instead. So there will be more chapters continuing on from this one!

Rated: T

Warnings: minor language

Word Count: 1,624

Title: Admiration in Disguise

Chapter One

“I really am sorry sir,” Nathalie’s voice was hoarse, her chest filled with sappy fluid. Gabriel sat at her bedside, his brows creased in what seemed to be a permanent worried line. 

“Don’t apologize Nathalie,” he murmured, his eyes downcast, “It is I who should be apologizing to you.” 

Nathalie frowned, though she couldn’t find the strength to protest. Their most recent battle against Ladybug and Chat Noir had not been the least bit fruitful. Their plan seemed to misfire at every turn and it was all Nathalie’s doing. If she wasn’t so effortlessly fragile then their chances of defeating the elusive bug and her pesky cat would be much more promising. 

“Here. Drink,” Gabriel held out a glass to Nathalie, pulling her from her thoughts. His grip on the cup was firm, unlike her own, which seemed to only tremble. 

The condensation of the cup felt cool against the tip of her lips, water sprouting on her tongue, though some tiny droplets did manage to slide down her chin. In a moment Gabriel had a cloth ready to capture the excess moisture. Nathalie observed him carefully, as his fingers and the cloth shrouded around the sides of her face.

“Sorry,” she choked out once more. 

Gabriel chuckled, though it held no amount of humor.

“Look at yourself, Nathalie. Look at what I’ve done to you.” 

Nathalie’s expression softened, “Sir—” 

Gabriel raised a hand, qwelling her words, “I’ve been selfish, Nath. Your sickness has only been intensifying and I can’t help but blame myself.” 

Nathalie grimaced, slowly inching herself closer to Gabriel, the duvet the only thing separating  them. Gabriel took Nathalie’s hands in his own, his chest seizing at the feeling of the coolness in her fingers. 

“This isn’t your fault sir. I’m fully aware of the risks I’m taking. You know I want nothing more than to help you,” Nathalie assured, her voice full of sincerity. She squeezed Gabriel’s hands, though her muscles were numb. 

Gabriel stared at her, his blue eyes reflecting into her own, “I appreciate that, but I can’t keep putting you through this. I’m practically killing you.” 

“You’re not—-” as if summoned, her ailment made its presence known, as one of her coughing fits started up again. 

“Nathalie!” Gabriel shrilled, his urgent concern dripping like sap from a tree as he rested his hands upon her shoulders, his fingers pressing into her back. 

After what felt close to a millennium, Nathalie’s coughing spell ceased, though she was left gasping for air. 

“You see Nathalie. This is exactly what I’m talking about,” he murmured gravely, taking a lock of her scarlet red streaks, pushing it neatly behind her ear. Nathalie’s eyes widened at the feeling of Gabriel’s hand on her cheek, his skin akin to a gentle inferno. 

“I promise you that I am perfectly alright sir.” Nathalie breathed, “You can’t let your concern for me distract you from your goal — from Emilie.” 

Gabriel sighed, his expression contorting, “Emilie wouldn’t want you to suffer like this.”

Nathalie huffed, a wave of exasperation igniting in her core, “But what about Adrien sir? He needs his mother—” 

“What Adrien needs is stability. He’s already suffered the burden of losing his mother; we cannot let him lose you too,” Gabriel said, his determination unwavering accompanied by his steely gaze. 

Adrien. 

Just the mere thought of the young boy’s name consumed Nathalie with an unmatched guilt. She would never want to do anything that would cause the boy harm. Nathalie sucked in a breath, her expression solemn. 

“You are his family and this family will always come first,” Gabriel affirmed, dropping two capsules of cough-drop pills into Nathalie’s palm. The pills  seemed to carry a weight to them or perhaps that was just Nathalie’s perception of them compared  to Gabriel’s hand, which felt light and smooth. Gabriel held up the glass of water to Nathalie’s lips again as she swallowed the pills, her eyes closing as she did so. 

“Thank you sir.” 

“No, thank you Nathalie,” Gabriel said earnestly, his hand tucking underneath her chin.

Nathalie observed as Gabriel’s eyes glazed over. He held a look that Nathalie could not put a name to — soft but driven and yet still something hidden underneath. Nathalie could sense how her breathing became thicker, a flutter coiling down into her stomach. 

Gabriel blinked, his focus clearing, “Rest now Nathalie. I’ll have Adrien bring you your dinner.” 

Nathalie couldn’t bring herself to speak, her voice trapped in her throat, “Yes, sir.” 

“Ooh-la-la! Miss Nathalie!”

Nathalie startled, a gasp catching momentarily in her throat as her hand flew to her chest. 

"Duusu!" She scolded, her heart still pulsating from the abrupt scare. 

"Sorry Miss Nathalie!" Duusu singsonged, flying over to hover above her owner’s shoulder.

Nathalie let out a strained chuckled, though it sent a poignant sting revving down her throat. 

“What’s the matter Duusu? Couldn’t find a more creative way to say hello?” Nathalie teased whilst moving to pull her laptop shut. 

Duusu giggled, her voice ringing high like chimes, “What are you working on, Miss Nathalie?” Her curiosity was evident in the way her wide eyes peered inquisitively at the reflection of the computer screen. 

Nathalie’s cheeks flushed with color, a rim of anxiety shooting down her spine. 

“It’s nothing Duusu — just organizing some files.” 

In the next moment, Duusu let out a melodramatic wail, accompanied by vigorous arm flapping. 

“But Miss Nathalie! Mister Gabriel insisted that you rest!” 

Nathalie sighed, realizing that she wasn't going to be able to reason with the little overly persistent kwami, despite the fact that she had been indeed ‘resting’ for she had taken to her work in her bedroom.

“You and I both know how desperately Gabriel needs the miraculous to bring Emilie back and I want nothing more than to help him but… she paused, a wave of dizziness washing over her, a painful reminder of the very thing she was trying so hard to overcome, “my illness is the very thing that is holding him back and I can’t do that, not when his intentions are so pure. I refuse to be his undoing, much less the catalyst in his downfall.” 

Another wail escaped Duusu once more, along with even more intensified arm flailing. 

“But Miss Nathalie! Mister Gabriel doesn’t want you to get sick like Miss Emilie!” 

A tender smile played on Nathalie lips at Duusu’s caring nature, as she extended her cupped hands towards the kwami.

"I'm not Emilie, Duusu. I'm Gabriel's assistant. It's my job to assist him."

"But you're more than that–you’re family! Mister Gabriel said so!" Duusu argued.

"Adrien's family," Nathalie corrected.

Duusu wailed again, "But Mister Gabriel cares about you too!” 

Nathalie huffed, her heartbeat stuttering. She could feel a tiny bead of warmth spread throughout her chest, though that was mostly cloaked by her astonishment at Duusu’s ramifications. 

“I…Well…I am his assistant so I’m sure he cares about me to some extent.” 

Duusu whined, her crests swaying back and forth, “But don’t you care about him too Miss Nathalie?” 

Nathalie’s muscles clenched, that familiar warmth returning to her core, “He’s my boss Duusu so yes, of course I care about him but only in that of a professional capacity.” 

“But—” Duusu started, her entire body convulsing with protest before being abruptly cut off by Nathalie.

“Are you trying to suggest something Duusu?” Nathalie snapped, arms folded. 

She honestly didn't like being this harsh with Duusu, but she didn't like what the kwami was trying to imply either.

"He is my boss and I am his assistant—that is all," Nathalie reiterated with as much conviction as she could.

Duusu stayed silent for a moment, mumbling and buzzing about to herself until she piped up, "But are you sure, Miss Nathalie? I think Mister Gabriel wants to get closer to you. He even told you not to call him 'sir' anymore."

The kwami wasn't wrong. Gabriel had indeed made that request multiple times, and recently he'd urged her to address him by his first name in front of Adrien, which had certainly taken her aback, to say the very least.

Nathalie bit her lip, her hands clanging together, “We’ve known each other for quite some time Duusu but the fact still remains — I am his employee. It would be impolite of me to address him in any other manner."

Duusu giggled, "I don't know Miss Nathalie. I think Mister Gabriel has feelings for you."

Nathalie’s head snapped up, a tingling sense of bewilderment coursing through her veins.

“Enough Duusu!” she hissed sharply. 

Duusu’s laughter halted abruptly, a whimper chiding from her, "I’m sorry Miss Nathalie."

Regret clawed at Nathalie's heart as she watched Duusu sulk away to turn in for the night — her desire to call her back and her desire to hold her ground conflicting. She hadn't meant to hurt Duusu's feelings, but she had to shut the kwami down.

She couldn’t have Duusu going around with such speculations, especially when there was no truth to them. Sure, she cared for the man and did hold quite a deep respect for him, but who wouldn’t? Gabriel’s intentions were beyond the most noble. His ambition and utter devotion to Emilie was remarkable — truly admirable.

Gabriel always put his love for Emilie above all else and Nathalie wished with all her being that she could say the same, for Emilie had once been one of her closest companions. And Gabriel, despite his cold exterior, had a heart of gold — a heart that didn’t deserve the heartbreak it had suffered. 

Nathalie wanted nothing more than to see Gabriel smile again, for his joy evoked something in her, something akin to a euphoric bliss.

Nathalie would ensure Gabriel’s success, even if she died in the process.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I hope everyone enjoyed this first chapter of Admiration in Disguise! I promise I'll have chapter two out as soon as possible! Also, if anyone has any more Gabenath fanfic ideas please don't hesitate to send them my way!

Perpetually Late (HRN1)

This is a short story series called HR Nightmare that I've been working on for a few weeks now.

Two women, who can't seem to stand each other, now have to find a way to work together when they find themselves working for the same marketing firm. Hating your coworker creates a hostile work environment, but becoming involved with them creates an HR nightmare.

This will be a multi-part series about a sapphic relationship, and I am so excited to start sharing it with you!

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

All of these chapters will be posted first (a week early) on my Patreon! My Patreon also includes exclusive pieces that you can't find anywhere else. The link is pinned to my profile. I appreciate all your support.

(word count: about 3.8K)

xx gwen <3

________

HR Nightmare (1)

Perpetually Late

Leave it to you to be late on the first day of your new job.

Perpetually late, it was a curse placed on you since before you were born. Scheduled to be born in December, you refused to come out until January- you couldn’t even manage to be born in the same year.

Truly, it should come as no surprise when you’re running late today, but it does. You planned for this: you left an hour early specifically so you could not be late. Your job was only twenty minutes from your apartment, less so if everything ran smoothly on the subways. You stopped at a coffee shop before you even got on the train, an extra in hand for your new boss, forty-five minutes left to get to work.

This is where everything started to go wrong. The train you sat on broke down, the muffled announcement promising it should only be a few minutes. After fifteen minutes you got off to find an alternative route, only for the doors on the original train to close and take off. You groaned, and waited for the next train. By the time you got on, you had exactly twenty minutes to get to work and you breathed out a sigh of relief.

The next problem arose when you got off on your stop. Less than a five minute walk from work, with five minutes to spare, you were ecstatic you would make it. However, when a crying little girl came up to you and begged you to help her find her mom, you couldn’t find it in you to deny her. It didn’t take long for a frantic woman to come barreling up the street in search of her daughter, but it was enough time for you to certainly be late. She was overflowing with gratitude when she saw the little girl standing safely next to you.

For you, despair hit. You were ten minutes late for your first day. The woman thanked you repeatedly and apologized for the inconvenience, but you assured her not to worry about it, before speed-walking the rest of the way to your new office.

Your head was hung a bit when your feet dragged you towards the elevator. You moved swiftly past everyone you saw, but the building was a bit crowded. This time, if it seemed someone was going to approach you, you ignored them, doing your best not to make yourself even more late. When you finally got to your floor, you stood outside your boss’s office, took a breath, then knocked twice. A voice called from the inside, inviting you in.

“Sir, Mr. Cooper, I’m so sorry I’m late,” you want to explain yourself, tell him how the world was against you this morning, but you swallow your words. Most employers don’t want to hear excuses. Instead, you hold out the coffee for him and smile. “I brought you a coffee.” With the ice mostly melted and the condensation dripping down your fingers, your smile drops a bit.

His face is stone, frozen in a serious expression. You’re almost certain you’re going to get fired on your first day. Then, a slight crack in the stone when his lips twitch upward.

“That is very sweet. Thank you, Cora,” he says, extending his hand to take the drink from yours.

“Of course, sir,” you respond. “Again, I’m so sorry I’m late.”

He takes a sip of the coffee, despite the rather unappealing appearance of the drink. He hums once he swallows. “That’s alright, things happen. Just don’t make a habit of it.”

“No, of course not! It won’t happen again,” you assure him.

In fact, for the next week, you made it to work an hour early every day. The building was rather empty that early in the morning, but you didn’t mind. You were able to sit at a table in the lobby, eat your breakfast, drink your coffee, and work on your various graphic design ideas.

You figured there was no possible way for you to be late when you were at the office an hour early every morning. Leave it to you to find a way.

It was a Tuesday when you were so caught up working on a design you didn’t realize it was only two minutes to 8:00 am. You were quick to gather your things, tossing your finished breakfast in a bin, and running to the elevator. The doors were closing and you had no chance of catching it.

“Hold the elevator!” you shout as a last hope. Your hope dies quickly when you watch the doors shut fully.

You drop your head, annoyed at yourself for allowing the curse of being perpetually late to continue to haunt you. That is, until the elevator makes a noise, and the doors open back up. Behind them, a beautiful woman with a slightly annoyed look on her face.

“Well, come on then,” she says. “Don’t make me late as well.”

You force your feet to move you forward, quickly stepping onto the elevator. She presses the button for the tenth floor without saying a word.

“Oh, hey, we both work on the same floor,” there’s a cheerful tone to your voice when you speak.

“I know.” Her voice is hard, no sign of emotion.

You’re a bit taken aback by her lack of friendliness, but continue speaking anyway. You had a nasty habit of taking too much when you were nervous. “Oh, you did? I just started here last week,” you laugh. “I haven’t really had the chance to get to know anyone yet.”

She hums in response, not once looking your way. Her eyes stayed trained on the changing elevator numbers as though she couldn’t wait till she was no longer trapped in a metal box with you. Of course, you don’t take that as a cue to stop talking.  

“Thank you for holding the doors for me, by the way.” You pause to give her a moment to respond. She doesn’t. “I was late my first day. I left an hour early to get coffee and make it here with extra time to spare, but luck just wasn’t on my side. I was so scared Mr. Cooper was going to fire me, but he was actually really understanding,” you ramble on. “I still don’t wanna risk being late again, so thanks for holding the elevator.”

The elevator dings and she walks out briskly. You stay back for a second, a bit confused by her cold demeanor. You assure yourself that she must not be a friendly person. Some people are shy. Some people don’t want to talk to strangers on an elevator and that’s okay.

Only, when you make your way into the office, she’s in conversation with someone, a bright smile painted on her face. Your own drops into a pout, but you’re quick to shake it off. Maybe she just needs to warm up to you.

The next day, you’re in the office twenty minutes early. You have an alarm now set on your phone for 7:50 am to ensure you can’t be late, even when you’re sitting in the lobby of the building. Today though, you wanted to be seated at your desk before anyone even walked in. Most people in the office were five-minutes-to-eight kind of arrivals.

Mr. Cooper calls you into his office as soon as he walks onto the floor.

“Yes, Mr. Cooper, is there a problem?” you ask, a bit nervous.

He smiles. You were appreciative that he was so welcoming towards you. “Of course not, Cora. I loved the sample graphic designs you provided last week. Now, I want to get you working on a real project.”

You were so excited. Art had been a passion of yours since you were a little girl, and you were finally starting to be able to do it professionally.

“Oh, that’s great! What’s the project?”

“Have you met Elle?” he asks.

You shake your head. You still didn’t know many people around the office.

“Well, she’s been working on a copy for this pretty big company- not even sure how she managed to get them in the first place,” he pauses, shaking his head with a smile on his face. “Charmer, that one- I’ll tell you. Anyway, we want you to create the design for the copy.”

“Really?” You were surprised, you assumed they would start you on a much smaller project. “That’s so great! So I’ll be working with Elle today?”

“Yes. I’ll send her your way once she gets in to tell you all the specifics. Honestly, I don’t know as much about copy writing or graphic design as I do about running a business,” he laughs. You weren’t sure what Mr. Cooper did before he worked here, but he seemed to run this marketing business very well, from what you could tell.

“Okay, this sounds great. Thank you so much Mr. Cooper.”

He waves his hand at you, a silent gesture telling you not to thank him.

You pause before leaving his office, the nagging voice inside your head urging you to make a good impression. “Is there anything I should know about Elle?”

“Oh no, she’s just about the easiest introduction to the office. Very friendly- I’m sure you’ll get along just fine.” His words are reassuring.

You have a smile on your face when you sit at your desk, waiting for Elle to come introduce herself. You’re practically buzzing with excitement for two reasons: you get to work on a real project, and you’re finally going to make a friend in the office.

It hasn’t exactly been easy to become friends with your coworkers. During the day, everyone is so busy with their work, yourself included, they don’t have time to talk. You know a bunch of people went to a bar on Friday after work last week, but you didn’t feel you had been working here long enough to join them. Now, you finally have an excuse to talk to someone during work, and potentially make a friend.

Though, your hope drops a bit when the girl from the elevator walks over to your desk. Her face is painted in the same emotionless expression she had on yesterday.

“You’re Elle?” you ask. You try to hide the confused tone in your voice, but it’s difficult. You swore Mr. Cooper told you Elle was friendly, and this girl was everything but.

“Yup,” she says, her lips making a popping noise around the last letter. “And you’re Cora.”

When she says your name, it isn’t a question. It’s matter-of-fact. It’s confident and assured. She speaks your name as though she already knows everything there possibly is to know about you.

“I am,” you smile. You aren’t sure why she’s so closed-off towards you, but you’re sure you can win her over, especially when Mr. Cooper assures you she’s so friendly. “Mr. Cooper told me we’re working on a project together.”

“Kind of,” she shrugs. “I already finished the project, aside from the graphic design. Art isn’t really my thing, or else I would’ve done it all myself.” Despite the lack of emotion in her voice, you take this as progress. She’s actually told you something about herself.

“Well that’s what I’m here for!” You cringe internally at the forced positivity in your voice. You hope she doesn’t notice, but with the way her nose scrunches slightly, you’re sure she has.

“Right,” her voice drags. “So how long do you think this will take? The client wants this done as soon as possible. They’re pretty much ready to launch.”

“Umm… it depends on the complexity of the design, and how many times you want me to redo it.” She stares down at you. You’ve started to feel quite small sitting at your desk while she stands in front of you.

“Why would you need to redo it?” She has a questionable look on her face, as though she’s now expecting you to be bad at your job.

“Just if there was something you didn’t like or wanted me to change for some reason.” You expect her face to soften when you explain yourself. It doesn’t. “But if you explain what you’re looking for in the design, I can get a mock-up to you today for you to approve.”

She explains what she’s looking for in the design. It doesn’t seem too complicated, but she is quite specific in her requests. You can tell this project is important to her, and you’re curious if this is the biggest client she’s worked with. You don’t dare ask, keeping control of your tongue for once.

The main purpose of the project is to create a tagline for the new business this company is launching, and the art to go with it. While Elle had already done all the work communicating with the client, figuring out what they wanted, and creating the tagline, all you had to do was create the art. You didn’t even have to think of the design- it was practically already designed by Elle. All you had to do was carry out her vision.

“Better than Sleep,” her tagline for the upcoming coffee business sat with you, watching over you even when she no longer stood at your desk.

You had never been so nervous to create a design before. You loved art. This was what you did. This was your life’s calling. However, when you imagined Elle’s eyes burning holes in you, disappointed in your creation, the idea of creating didn’t feel nearly as fun.

You shake your head and wiggle your fingers, as if to physically shake the nerves off. You pick up your stylus to create a simple design.

It had been a few hours, but you managed to come up with a few different options. You created three different ones, sticking strictly to Elle’s description, as well as two others that strayed a bit from her initial vision.

You manage to find her desk in the office, despite not having walked around here much before. When you spot her in conversation with another coworker, a full smile on her face, you roll your eyes. Was this girl seriously nice to everyone else? Why weren’t you awarded the same level of charm?

As if on cue, her smile drops when you stop in front of her desk. “I finished the mock-up. I came up with quite a few designs, actually, so you can choose your favorite.” Your tone remains friendly. Just because she wasn’t nice to you didn’t mean you needed to mirror her. 

“Great, you can just leave them here,” her tone is dismissive.

“Oh- um, actually I- well I can’t,” you stumble over your words. She looks at you expectantly. “They’re all on my tablet still. I was hoping we could go over all of them together so you can tell me what you do and don’t like about each one.”

She hums, turning back to her coworker. “Sorry, we can talk later. This is for the coffee project,” she explains sweetly. You wish you were awarded the same tone. “Alright, let’s see,” she only speaks to you once her coworker has walked away.

You place your tablet on the desk and spin it around to face her. One hand flat on her desk, you lean over, pointing with your other hand to explain the images.

“I tried to follow your instructions exactly on this one-“

“I don’t like it,” she cuts you off before you even finish. “The words look all funny, and the design is far too big. They’re not a cohesive piece.” A frown is etched onto her face as she traces over your tablet with her finger.

“Okay,” your voice drawls out. You hadn’t been criticized so harshly on your work before. It didn’t hurt your feelings, though. It intrigued you more than anything. You swipe to the next image.

“No. I don’t like it.”

“Care to explain?” You want her to critique your work. This way, when she finally did approve of something, you would know she truly liked it.

Her nose scrunches up when she stares at the design. “The outlines are too thick. They make everything look too harsh. We want people to feel welcomed.”

You take mental notes on what she says. You like that she’s giving you critiques you can actually work with, and not just blatant insults. You half expected her to call them ugly and throw your tablet on the ground, so this was quite a pleasant surprise.

“What about this one?”

She pauses. Improvement. “I like the design here. The words just- they still look off to me,” she frowns as she looks at them. With her eyebrows pinched together and a pout in her lips, she appears far less intimidating.

“I have two others, but they stray a bit from your description,” you warn her.

You look down at her before swiping to the next image, almost waiting for her to tell you to not even bother. Her eyes meet yours, lips stained slightly in a pout, and nods, encouraging you to show her. You swipe. Her lips twitch upward. You smile fully.

“I like this one. The design on the other one is still better, but this- I like the way the piece flows. The words look better here,” a grin grows on her face as she speaks.

You feel like you’ve won the lottery. “There’s one more.” You swipe.

She hums. “No, the other one was better,” the emotion drops from her voice again. “Okay, so this format and font with the other design,” her finger points to the fourth drawing you showed her.

“Got it,” you respond. “I’ll have the finished design for you tomorrow. This was just the mock-up, so the next one will be a bit clearer with colors and everything,” you explain.

“Well yeah, I hope so.” She slides your tablet across her desk, back to you.

You didn’t speak to her again until the next day when you finished the actual design. You wouldn’t admit this to her, but you had spent hours that night working on the design. You wanted it to be perfect, and get it done quickly.

Stood in front of her desk, tablet in hand, excited smile etched onto your face, she stares back at you blankly. “What?” she asks.

“I have the finished design for you. I thought that if I got it to you today, you could speak to the company and see if they’ll approve it tomorrow, before the weekend. Then they’ll be able to launch next week if they want.” You’re certain you’re overexplaining yourself, but you swear sometimes your tongue moves on its own accord.

“Show me.”

The smile doesn’t leave your face. You refuse to let her emotionless tone affect you. You place your tablet on the desk and spin it around to face her. She’s silent for a moment.

“It’s… good,” she looks up at you and her eyebrows crease together. “The colors are off though. They need to be lighter- less intense.”

You grab your tablet from her desk. “Great! I’ll fix that now.”

There’s a bounce to your step when you walk back to your desk. She said it was good. She liked it. Of course, it couldn’t be perfect the first try. You were almost certain that even if it was perfect, she would’ve given you something to fix.

“How’s this?” You plop your tablet back on the desk in front of her with the proper color changes.

“Too light.”

You darken the colors a bit.

“They need to be more vibrant.”

You enhance and bolden the colors.

“No, not like that. It’s too much now,” he nose scrunches. “Can you just do it here so I can tell you what to do?”

You’re almost relieved that she suggested it. She was obviously quite the perfectionist, so it would be much easier if she could tell you exactly how she wanted the colors as you adjusted them.

You nod. She stands from her chair and gestures towards it for you to sit. You follow her command, now seated in front of your tablet as she leans over your shoulder to watch you adjust the colors. You can feel her breath past your ear and your fingers shake a bit when you pick up your stylus.

“Now, keep the vibrance, but make it a little less bold. It should catch our attention- not scream in our face.” You barely register the words coming from her, too caught up with how close her voice sounds.

You clear your throat. You adjust one of the colors slowly. “Tell me when you like it.”

“There! There, stop.” Her hand reaches over your shoulder to point at the color. “That’s perfect. Now, the next one.”

You fix the colors one at a time, waiting for her approval. She speaks throughout your adjustments, while you barely utter a word, not trusting your own voice. Elle was just so intimidating, and you weren’t used to having her this close to you.

When you finally have her full approval, one color at a time, she squeals in excitement but quickly collects herself. You feel your own mouth break into a grin, relieved to finally have your first finished design for this company.

“It’s,” she starts, attempting to muffle the smile on her face, “it’s really good. I’ll talk with the client tomorrow morning to see if they approve.”

You swore you couldn’t breathe until you left her desk. The air felt far too stiff, as though she commanded it herself. You were hoping you wouldn’t have to work with her often. If everything went as well as you were hoping, the company would love and approve of the design, the project would be done, and you would no longer have to collaborate with her.

Elle approaches you first on Friday. Her face is emotionless, so you’re not sure if this is good or bad news.

“They loved the design. They approved everything, and are now set to launch next week,” she tells you.

You miss the excitement that laced her voice yesterday. “That’s great! Is there anything else you need?”

“We’re all going to Freddy’s, the bar, tonight to celebrate,” her face twists together, as though it pained her to speak the next words. “You should… come.” Nothing aside from the words themselves made you feel as though she wanted you there.

“Oh, um,” you collect yourself to hide the surprise, “that’s okay. Thank you for inviting me.”

She sighs. “Look, you contributed to the project. You should be part of the celebration.”

Although she still seems like she would rather not have you there, you don’t have it in you to deny her twice.

“Okay, yeah,” you smile, “yeah, I’ll come.”

Fate: The Winx Saga - Season 2

Spoilers for FTWS Season 2

I only recently discovered Fate: The Winx Saga and, to be honest, I had not expected to enjoy it as much as I did.

There were many things I liked about season 1, but what really drew me to the show were the adult characters, specifically Farah and Saul. I was intrigued by their shared history and how obviously they cared for each other. Sure, the show focusses on the students, but I had hoped to learn a bit more about the teachers as the story continued.

Despite how season 1 ended, I still went into season 2 somewhat optimistic. After all, it’s a show about fairies and magic, so there could have been a way to bring Farah back to life. I had fully intended to stay away from spoilers, but I think I managed to get to episode 2x04 before I caved and went online to see whether Farah would come back or not. And I’m glad I did, even if it was just to avoid being hit by the full force of the emotional rollercoaster that was her brief return.

Clearly, I would have liked her to stay on the show, but if it wasn’t to be at least we got closure and a proper goodbye. I can live with that and I do appreciate the effort that went into making those final scenes possible.

What I do have issues with though, is Saul’s behaviour in season 2. Season 1 established that Farah, Saul and Ben went through a lot together. They are friends. Farah and Saul had a lot of shared scenes in season 1 that showed just how close they are. And suddenly in season 2 Saul doesn’t seem to care anymore. WTF?!

I have a feeling season 2 may not have been what the creators had originally intended. They had to recast some roles because the actors couldn’t return due to scheduling conflicts with other work they were doing and Eve Best got cast in HotD, which probably (understandably) sealed Farah’s fate. I’ve also seen other posts on here saying that they originally announced 8 episodes, rather than the 7 the second season now consists of. So it seems like they had to make some changes that weren’t necessarily planned and that may have impacted the story they were able to tell.

If they had to cut down the number of episodes, they would have had to condense the story. It’s understandable that they would do so where the supporting characters (e.g. the teachers) are concerned. After all, the show isn’t about them. But did they really have to do it to an extent where Saul seems OOC compared to season 1? It wouldn’t have taken much, just one or two lines to show that he actually cares about what happened to Farah. A noticeable reaction to the news of her death… But there was nothing and that really bothers me.

The same goes for why he ended up working for Rosalind btw. I mean, yes, I can come up with all kinds of reasons for all of the above. For example, at first, he was too busy to escape to go look for Farah. After he got captured, he worked with Rosalind to protect Sky. When they finally found out about Farah, Rosalind was dead, he had the Blood Witches to deal with and maybe he tried to keep it together in front of the students. Those are all good reasons that may have worked, but the show didn’t give us a single one of those. Instead, they made him seem very different from the Saul we saw in season 1. And while I’m all for headcanons and fanfics, I don’t like having to come up with them just to make sense of what happens on the show and I don’t think I should have to. That’s the show’s job.

hellooo, i have been following your project for what like two or three years now idk, and i'm delighted to keep reading all your updates. anyway you mentioned that you decided to trim the fat and try to speed up the pacing of the game, and i have to say, WELL DONE with keeping an eye on your scale and such! you said the game as it was would still take longer than most typical jrpgs, which scares me a bit because i've poured a good 100 hours into some jrpgs, so uh. how long was your original 1/2

That's a good question... we'd initially aimed for the game to be somewhere around 40 hours, maybe 50, and had planned the in-game timescale with that goal in mind.

...The fatal oversight was that that calculation didn't take into consideration the cutscene events, which can be quite long and have the in-game clock paused during them. When our playtesters played the first season of the game, we found that, counting cutscenes, they were averaging more like 8-10 hours to get to the end of the Spring Year 1 demo. With 4 seasons per year and 3 years in the game, that would result in an estimated playtime of a whopping 96-120 hours.

The new plan is for the game to be a more condensed and optimized 2 years in length, which means an updated estimated playtime of 64-80 hours. So still pretty dang big, but much more manageable, and with the major plot events happening at a faster clip it'll hopefully not drag too much and bore people. Also, those estimates are all assuming that average players play as thoroughly as our debuggers/playtesters... realistically, very few of them probably will, especially in the latter parts of the game once they've unlocked just about everything, accomplished most of their major goals, and settled into a routine.

This project has certainly been an exercise in learning to set realistic goals, hah. I think that taking an axe to the plot document and cutting down some of the particularly bloated features is something that we should have done a lot earlier, but the game is certainly better for it. Overall, very little completed work had to be thrown out, though a few things needed to be retooled (which is what I've been quietly working on for the last few weeks), which was nice. I've been very pleased with the direction the project has been going since that decision has been made.

Thanks for the kind words, Anon!

Yeah, I figured that would be the case, which is why I didn’t expect there to be a statistically significant number of people living long past retirement, but then I assume a lot of it would also have to do with genetic screening and prenatal testing. Still, even if you assume there are currently 2 or even 3 million under 5 with moderate population reductions in the teen to young adult group and more significant ones beyond that, seems like the end result wouldn’t be that far off, especially when you factor in early deaths. I imagine it would be a major culture shock for Alex to see people in the Kingdom who are really old or have some sort of disability, yet are still valued as people.

On another note, I’ve also given a lot of thought to the possible origins of the Kingdom, and give that they’ve been there a few generations at least and I assume larger families are the norm, their population seems a bit low, unless some have broken off and moved elsewhere or there was some sort of outbreak or disaster. I came up with a list of about 50 essential jobs they would need to build a stable community, so I imagine they had to begin with a core group of at least 25 likeminded families who wanted to avoid moving to the Settlement, came up with a plan, and each of the adults specialized in one particular field.

You're definitely thinking this through and you're following on the right track. Alex's culture shock on meeting the old people is addressed in the new draft.

But you've definitely put a lot more thought to the minimum necessary population requirements for a sustainable colony than I have. To some extent there's a little bit of suspension of disbelief required, as far as their origins. I'm leaving most of this unexplained because it might distract from the story I want to tell.

However, my idea for the Kingdom was that their standard of living was mostly derived from information and technology found in the ruins of our civilization. After all, they lack the infrastructure and manpower for things like the printing press or complex machinery, but have managed to retain a decent amount of education and literacy anyway. They're demonstrated to have animal husbandry, spinning, weaving, smithing, a reasonable amount of medicine and medical knowledge even if they can't apply it all the time, alcohol brewing, candlemaking, carpentry, and various other skills that aren't full-time professions. They HAVE lived on the same land a few generations but as I hint at, child mortality is fairly high.

They do not manufacture their own firearms; those are antiques. They do have to make their own ammunition. The source of the explosive charges for these bullets is attributable to magic.

The population of the Kingdom is stated to be about 400, with precisely 90 men between the ages of 18 and 60, around the same number of women of the same age and the rest are children + old people.

This all goes without saying but the Settlement originated from a society very much like ours. The Settlement emerged out of a one-world government that conquered with their operating arm, DYNTEC. Alongside their population reductions, they condensed society due to environmental concerns and eventually brought everyone to center on an ambiguously located western US coastal city. This was originally a multicultural 'utopia' with different districts for the different countries of the world, but eventually everything was smoothed over to cultural uniformity. By the time Alex comes around, the international districts are one of the things people aren't allowed to talk about or remember.

The SPECIFIC origins of the Kingdom are claimed (by the Settlement) to be a group of Detractors who were exiled in the early days of the Settlement, but who knows if this is really true?

Ayisha’s Discography

The process

We originally wanted to make a podcast as well as videos on youtube that have some gameplay with music we created in the background. However, we couldn’t book out the podcast room and found it hard to book anywhere else out as the studios were heavily booked out and when we did manage to get a room, we ended up running into some problems with things not working and us not having the space we wanted. We ended up deciding that we would make a YouTube series, instead of a podcast, that way we won’t be disappointed with the quality of the podcast since we couldn’t get the room or equipment we wanted for it. It also meant that we could actually complete the project as I feel like we were wanting to do a lot and we didn’t have the time to do everything we wanted. If we were to do everything we originally planned, we would have to make it a whole year project, if not an ongoing thing, as we wanted a lot of gameplay and wanted long episodes of the podcast.

To film and record the series, we used a computer in a computer room within the university and used OBS. The room was empty for the first two episodes, however when we came in to film the rest we had a few people come in. We did put a sign on the door but these people chose to ignore it and even when explaining to them we were recording, they explained why they were there and we asked them to be quiet if they really needed to be in the same room as us. They didn’t but they chose to stay there and chose to make quite a bit of noise as well as talk to each other and disrupt our filming. Luckily, we would wait for them to finish talking or ask them to be quiet and continue but the rest we had to cut out. There are times in the recording that you can hear them making noise, but it’s not too bad. If we were to do this again we would try to get an induction to the podcast rooms and record in there. It wasn’t possible for us to get an induction at this time of year as it was heavily booked out and the people we contacted told us to try contacting a student on a journalism course to book the room for us and help us use it. Unfortunately, we didn’t know any students on these courses and knew if the rooms were heavily booked out that we’d have little success in getting a room.

OBS is a free software that allows you to record your screen as well as allowing you to film yourself. It’s used for streaming and making videos. I’ve used this software before, so I knew a bit about it. However, I did need to watch tutorials on YouTube to help me with setting up a few things.

Videos I watched:

https://youtu.be/9idPREZzWpE

https://youtu.be/iPMERkQEmlU

https://youtu.be/KhX7lj6CDvo

I made sure I had it all set up with the game audio, the mic audio, the video of us, as well as the video of the game screen. I had to change the layout, which was quite confusing at first, I wasn’t completely sure on how to get the layout of the screen that we wanted, even after watching a few tutorials, but found a layout where both screens (one of us and one of the gameplay) could be seen and decided to go with that layout.

We used the camera on the mac to film us, and used a Neumann mic with a pop shield to record us speaking (which we plugged into the scarlett audio interface). This mic needs phantom power. We chose this mic as it is a condenser and so it would pick both of our voices up with better detail to the sound than a dynamic mic would. We placed this mic in between us. There were a few times that we would accidentally knock the mic stand or wire which made a noise within the recording, if we do this again we should find a way of reducing this from happening. The pop shield helps with plosives, although we weren’t right in front of the mic, talking directly into it, so I think we would’ve probably been fine without one, but we had one just in case. I do think next time we should both have a mic each, as the recording was quite quiet, even though when setting levels I set the gain quite high but didn’t want to do it too much as we would get white noise and the times that it peaked would have been really loud, and it would make footage unusable.

I brought my switch in, which was the console we used to play the games on, as it is a little console that is easy to set up and easy to transport. We had to buy a HDMI video capture so that we could display the switch screen on the computer and record it.

We played two games; Nintendo Sports and Minecraft. We split both recordings into 2 parts as they were really long and I didn’t have many games on the switch that we could record in time as the stories to the other games are really long and would take probably months to finish. For Nintendo Sports, we played 2 different games of bowling; one being normal bowling and the other being bowling with obstacles. This is a fun game that we wanted to film as it is a game for all ages and all kinds of people. For Minecraft, I showed Ayisha and the viewers my two worlds and what me and my friends have created. We wanted to film minecraft as it is a popular game and is suitable for ages 7+. With Minecraft, we had a few problems as the game audio was louder than us talking, so there are times within the video that it can be quite hard to hear what we are saying. When editing for this, we tried adding a limiter so that the peaks would be reduced so that it wasn’t as loud. We also added noise reduction and a compressor to try to solve the issue, but found that we could only reduce the issue, not completely get rid of it. I also added some EQ to try and get the sound quality better (cutting the low end so there is no rumble and boosting the frequencies that our voices lie in).

Images of trying to reduce peaks & EQing:

To edit we used DaVinci as it has a free version that seems pretty good and simple to use. I watched videos on the best free editing softwares and DaVinci was highly talked about. I then talked to my friend about it, who is doing a film degree, and she said a lot of people use DaVinci for their own editing as it’s easy to use and one of the best. With the research I did and what my friend told me, I decided to use DaVinci to edit our videos. I did have to search a few things up as we are new to editing videos and knew very little about it.

Videos I watched for editing:

https://youtu.be/BqTt7Qh-aeU

https://youtu.be/ebSTdCWZoVU

https://youtu.be/MDUKsutd8Kc

https://youtu.be/5wdyfifNX3s

The free version is limited to what you can do and add. Since this is our first time editing, with only YouTube tutorials on how to edit, we only managed to do a basic edit of our 5 episodes.

I tried to download it on my laptop first, however I was unsuccessful so I managed to download it on my boyfriend’s computer and use that when he wasn’t on it.

These are the photos of the issues I had with my laptop:

I cut most pauses out and made sure that the flow was good. For the minecraft episodes, there were times where the game audio was too loud and so you couldn’t hear what we were saying, even after trying to reduce the sound, so we decided to cut some of the footage out as it wasn’t really usable. This did mean we missed quite a few things, but luckily the minecraft episodes were long enough anyway. I made sure to put crossfades between the audio when cutting so that there aren’t any pops or clicks and so that the audio runs smoothly. I also added our logo for the intro and outro of each episode and added a video transition so it flowed more and looked better. I added text on some of the videos to say “part 2” if it was split into 2 and to apologise for the game audio being too loud. I added the music to the right episodes and made sure our theme tune was in the intro and outro of each episode. I put a fade on the music so that it would slowly fade and go into us talking or fade out for the end of the video. I had to make sure the music was at the right volume so you can still hear it, but so it’s not so loud that you can’t hear us.

Image of fades:

Episode 1 has a section where Ayisha walks off for a moment, we both wanted a censor beep and the screen to go blank after she walks off as we thought this would be funny. To do this, I searched for a no copyright free censor sound and downloaded it and added it into the part we wanted it in. DaVinci has different generators that you can add in and they have the SMPTE colour bar that tends to be used when people add a censor beep or when they show bloopers, so I added that in for that section of the video.

DaVinci did crash quite a few times while I was editing but I just had to re-open the software to continue. Even though this kept on happening throughout all of the editing, I dealt with it as I didn’t want to have to download a different software and learn how to use that instead, since I was getting used to the way DaVinci worked. Throughout the editing process, I did most of the editing so I had to keep showing Ayisha what I had done with the videos so she could give me input and to make sure the videos were what she wanted them to look like as well what I wanted them to look like. I do think if I was to continue making these kinds of videos, I would like to look into buying an editing software that has more options, and one that preferably doesn’t keep crashing.  

Here are some photos of the editing process:

At the very end we had issues rendering the videos. I had the videos ready to render but had to wait on the music that Ayisha had to send over. However, she had problems on her end with the music not bouncing properly and losing some music in the process. I got the music and added it to the videos (placing them in the right places and fading) and then went to render the videos. Unfortunately, the videos were having issues with rendering, which meant we had no videos to upload onto YouTube. This delayed a lot of things for us as we spent our time trying to solve the issue. I did manage to render the 5th (final) episode and that was the only video we had.

These are the issues we were having:

I tried searching ways around this and tried to solve the problem, however nothing was working. I then got my boyfriend to have a look at it and see if he could solve it, but again nothing worked. With this I emailed helpzone and IT & Library with the photos attached to see if they could help. Unfortunately, everyone I emailed didn’t have any solutions and didn’t help us with our problem. This meant it was left to us to try and find a solution. This also meant that we had passed the submission time. After emailing helpzone and IT and having no luck, I emailed our lecturer for this module, he gave us advice on the next steps we should take, however no solution was given on solving our issue. We were really stuck on what to do and we were really stressed due to no one giving us any help. I was convinced that I would have to use a different editing software and edit all over again but that would have taken too much time that we didn’t have. Luckily, we came up with an idea (after a bit of time) and decided to screen record the videos in the editing software with OBS. This took a long time as the videos had to play out and each video is just under 20 mins, apart from episode 3 which is just over 30 mins. Luckily, we didn’t have to screen record the 5th episode as it did render. After screen recording the videos, I had to trim the edges so that the videos didn’t include me changing the windows from OBS to DaVinci. After trimming the videos, I then had to export the videos, which took really long. After many hours of exporting, when playing the videos, I realised we had lost quite a bit of quality due to having to screen record and to export the videos again after trimming. This meant that the audio was a little out of time with the image, but it was the best we could make it. We then had to upload these videos to YouTube, which I tried doing at the same time the other videos were exporting to save time. The videos took quite a bit of time to upload onto YouTube as well. I added a description to all the videos explaining what the videos were and our username to instagram.

Once a video was uploaded onto YouTube I would add to my blog page and instagram.

For our instagram, I used an image of a part in the video and used hashtags that are relevant to the posts and to help the post get seen. I also made a post explaining we had some technical issues and so the videos were going to be uploaded late. I did this as the previous post to this was saying that the videos were going to be uploaded soon and for people to keep an eye out for them.

Our Logo, we made a powerpoint on the logo explaining in depth the process. We used a few websites to get ideas and then used a website that generated logos. We found one we liked the best and changed the colours so that the colours were traffic light colours, so that it would go with our name ‘Ready Steady Game’ as if you’re about to start a race.

We then added this logo to our instagram account and YouTube account.

It was quite hard to fit the logo into the circle profile picture as at first the image was too big and it was cutting into half of the logo. To prevent this from happening I opened the logo on a smaller window and had a black background behind it and then took a screenshot. This allowed me to get the right size however, there is a line near the bottom of the logo that you can see which is annoying but the best we could do.

This image shows our description for our YouTube channel:

This image also shows when we created the channel but also the other channel we made (that is shown in the links section). This was when we first started with the original idea of wanting to do a podcast. We made separate channels as we wanted it to be easier for our audience/viewers to find the podcast and the gaming videos. It’s better to keep them separate. Even though we decided to just post YouTube videos and not do a proper podcast, we kept the channel in case we want to do an actual podcast in the future.

Before I started writing the music I decided to do some research beforehand. I google certain words and phrases and then Youtube it. Things such as ‘introduction music for gaming videos’, or ‘Minecraft’, ‘Ninetendo switch’ etc. Then I selected a few and watched them, in order to ascertain what type of sounds were used or the common connection with certain consoles. Then, having narrowed them to just a couple within each game.

We both helped to make the music and Daisy did a lot of the editing. Firstly I Youtubed various videos of inspiring game music and then scaled them down to a few. With ‘Minecraft’ I listened to some of their previous videos online and from this an interpretation was made. I tried to recreate this by using harp sounds and also harmonies. When creating Zelda tracks it wasn’t intentional but using synth sounds as well as laying it a few times helped to make the track sound full and complete. When writing the introduction, I was thinking that I wanted something that had energy, vivaciousness to it and a lovely beat. I wrote two versions for the introduction and we decided to select the second version as it was more ‘catchy’. I feel that this is the first time that I have had the opportunity to make my own interpretation on something that is very popular, so it was challenging. Unfortunately, because my keyboard had been broken and I had no time to repay it, I had to use the typing keyboard. As a piano composer this not only limited what I could do but also I had to use a lot of creativity as well as trying to play less mechanically. At times this proved hard, especially when trying to create drum beat sounds. Although I did use a metronome and recorded to a clicking track the drum beats which I wanted to be off beat, sometimes were not executed how I would have preferred. I feel that due to not having the equipment slowed the process down considerably and prevented Daisy from editing in advance.

In the end we made 5 episodes, 2 for Nintendo Switch (bowling), part 1 and part 2 Minecraft, part 1 and part 2 and then lastly a review. However I wrote a lot more for the other potential episodes that we wanted to make (initially we wanted to make 10 tracks). So I made a track for Ops, which is a zombie game. A few for Nintendo Switch, a few for Zelda, Crash Bandicoot and Chess. Unfortunately we did not have the time to complete the videos as there were many days that we were not able to use rooms or they were fully booked. Also having done this podcast we have decided that this is something that we would like to continue as a separate project. When explaining our project to some friends and family they wanted to know where they could view and were also suggesting things such as would they be able to Email in suggestions of games we could play, or if we could play games recorded and send it in. They also suggested playing live whilst ‘streaming’. I listened and thanked them for the feedback. We know that it is not a straightforward process and you would need quiet, great lighting and no background noises. Therefore I have looked into other software programs which will aid us in the process of creating it and making it easier. Also booking rooms in advance even if by 2 weeks and playing more games. This will be the only way that this podcast will continue in the -future, is by being ‘ready, steady game’.  

#MD5325

Album Opinions: A Lot Like Birds - No Place

I have a LOT of feelings about music, and little to no outlet for these feelings. So I’m forcibly clawing out a horrible little hole in the sand to sit in and scream about my horrible little opinions for a while. 

Also here’s a notice that I don’t really know what I’m talking about most of the time, but I do my best to give important context surrounding my horrible little opinions.

That context part I was just talking about

A Lot Like Birds, baseline, has a history that is slightly more complicated than your average band.

Their first album, Plan B, is very unpopular compared to their later works, their second album especially. In between their first and second album, they saw the loss of many of their more “wacky” instrumentalists, and the addition of a new vocalist. 

Kurt Travis joined the band after being kicked out of Dance Gavin Dance. This change led to a big boost in publicity which was multiplied by a shift in style to something more traditionally “Swancore”. These changes lead to Conversation Piece (the aforementioned second album), being their most popular.

Their third album, No Place, takes the more accessible sound of Conversation Piece and blends it with the band’s original more chaotic progressive roots (not to say that Conversation Piece wasn’t proggy, it was just less-so). It’s slightly less popular and most fans tend to prefer Conversation Piece (afaik), but it is definitely the album I prefer for a few main reasons.

Things this album does well!

Album “Flow”

This album manages to have a huge variety of feelings expressed throughout its conceptual journey through an abandoned house. It primarily explores the pain of “growing up”, looking at the main character’s relationship with various elements of their life by assigning each room of the old house to a song, and each feeling explored has an appropriate musical energy to match.

Even beyond the story-line of the album, the songs flow really well together. Each song in the album works really well together, with multi-song build ups and climaxes with poetic spoken-word sections to split them up (i’ll get into that in just a second).

Overall, it’s hard to get bored listening to this album. Even with some of the parts being a bit “boring”, every part fits together and makes a front to back listen very satisfying.

Song writing

Moving past the long term concepts of the album, a lot of the individual songs are just very well written. (Here’s where we get to the part where I really don’t know what I’m talking about! Don't worry about it tho). They are pretty much everything you can want from a good progressive post hardcore album. Technically dense, emotionally charged, huge amounts of variety both in between separate tracks, and within the confines of just one spot. It never feels like one vocalist overstays their welcome, both of them are constantly participating and when they take a backseat it makes sense. (also there’s a really good trumpet part somewhere. I think it’s in Recluse but I don’t remember)

It’s hard to find specific examples in this album because so much of it is so good. However, I do think the stand-out track is Connector. Connector takes everything I love about this album and condenses it into six minutes and ten seconds. It has a comfortable spot in my favorites playlist (as well as Next To Ungodliness, but I have less to say about that one).

Weird Spoken-Word Sections

A lot of the emotional climaxes of this album are separated by brief spoken-word sections from the band's harsh vocalist (from what I remember, he writes a lot of poetry in his free time). partially, I like how they affect the flow and feeling of the album. I also just, think they’re neat. Myth of Lasting Sympathy especially is such a cool track, and does a really good job letting down the energy of Connector into the slightly more subdued second half (ignoring Recluse, obviously, which is just a ridiculous track)

I imagine this is an aspect of this element that less people are gonna like, but it’s a huge plus in my opinion.

Things this album does poorly!

Not Very Much

The only thing I can really challenge about this album is that, especially in the second half, the strength of the individual tracks are kind of lacking. 60-70% of this album is not written to be enjoyed on shuffle, or listened to on loop. However, I don’t think it takes away from the album, considering that this was very obviously written with the full album in mind more than anything.

Conclusion

Overall, this is an album that has recently crept its way into some of my absolute favorites. Pretty much ever since I started getting into these styles of music, I’ve preferred the more out there progressive approaches to Swancore (bands like Hail The Sun, Eidola, Dwellings, Closure in Moscow, etc.), and I think that A Lot Like Birds has the best interpretation of this style. I really like their fourth album as well (DIVISI), and I enjoyed the projects both vocalists got into aftwards (Cory Lockwood in Sufferer, and Kurt Travis in Royal Coda), but I do sometimes wonder what would have happened if A Lot Like Birds continued off of the momentum of No Place.

Anyway, this album is just really good, and is probably one of the 5 or so albums I would consider a genuine 10/10. Listen to this album.

I put too much effort into this, but it was fun and probably something I’ll do again. 

I went through the touhou fanworks of 2009 and so much happened with the fanon. This year was the release of Undefined Fantastic Object and Hisoutensoku. (which is easily the best side game objectively, this is not an argument). A new and wild batch of characters gets dropped on the community and some older characters get significant developments as well. So yeah, here's my notes:

Sanae is officially evil now. She may act nice, but she's scheming under that facade. Obviously this isn't the case in all works, but she is certainly way less nice than last year.

Koishi actually opens her third eye in several works either for a gag or after getting convinced to re-open it by other Satori and/or other characters. Some of these works punched me right in the feels and it hurts knowing that canonically, she aint opening that eye.

Utsuho isn't very stupid around this time. She's just extremely forgetful. Don't give her a task that has more than 3 steps!

Morino Hon starts producing fanworks in 2009!!! That's my favorite doujinshi creator! Read their stuff it's top tier.

Marisa cooks increasingly more dangerous food.

Nue has no prior connection to Byakuren in canon like the rest of the UFO cast, but in fanon she almost always does.

Yamame is practically Kisume's mom

Yamame also gets hella bullied.

Wriggle is uuh, Wriggle is getting dominated quite a lot.

Tenshi and Iku rarely show up, did SWR get slept on?

Daiyousei has finally snapped. She either gets pretty scary when mad or is even depicted as much stronger than Cirno in some way, but is hiding it. Don't mess with Daiyousei!

Mima tends to be seen hanging out with Yuuka rather than haunting the Hakurei Shrine now

bkub? pog (i might have the wrong year)

Kogasa can't surprise people with scares since she's too cute, so instead she usually ends up surprising people with sudden declarations of love. Whether or not this actually feeds her never seems to said.

Nazrin will never admit it, but she really does like cheese.

Byakuren is genuinely scary. Many works take her philosophy to the absolute extreme. The lengths she goes to protect and bring salvation to youkai can spell genocide for humans. Those who oppose her philosophy may be brutalized even if they're youkai. It's a very edgy take on Byakuren and is nearly the opposite to how she is canonically. I wonder if this depiction will last long outside of 2009 when she gets more fleshed out (especially with Ten Desires).

Shou is depicted as mostly pathetic which is surprising to me...look she's the only reason I haven't beaten UFO I can't see her as weak!

Yuugi is everyone's big sister.

Would you believe that Meiling almost never fell asleep at the gate until now? Usually she was just too weak or stupid to guard it properly and now she just sleeps.

Murasa always goes down with the ship if it crashes (which happens often)

Kisume does not get enough content. For shame!

Both Reimu and Marisa die a lot this year.

Utsuho really likes eggs for some reason...and not in a motherly way.

Mokou's friendship ended with Kaguya. Now Keine is best friend. Eirin is there for Kaguya though.

Aki sisters are desperate for popularity. They'll do anything!

Okay this is a western joke and I can't even confirm if this was 2009, but I would be remissed if I didn't mention the SAKE NOT EVEN DROP post about Yuugi. It's still funny.

Mystia's grilled eel stand doubles as a barstand now.

No Ichirin/Unzan focused content??? For shame!!!!!

Kanako has her own "charisma break" situation going on. She does her best to look cool, but completely crumbles whenever someone embarrasses her.

This bleeds into 2010, but Alice tends to start trying to bring life into her dolls and it often puts her character in a real dark place. It's the most introspective the fanbase gets with her.

Muuuch more focus on the newer characters. SA gets some of the most heart-wrenching doujins here and the UFO-cast is mainly used for gags (unless your name is Byakuren).

A real interesting year.

Also read Warugaki's, Morino Hon's, and bkub's stuff. Not sure if 2009 is their start or not, but they're all legends in my book.

𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐓 [𝐉𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐊𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 / 𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍 𝐀𝐔] Chapter One- Pumpkin Spice

DISCLAIMER: I do not own AOT/SNK or the characters.

WARNING 18+: Heavy Sexual Themes/SMUT, Alcohol Consumption, Drug Usage, Profanity, Violence, and Some Uncomfortable Themes.

Click away now if you’re uncomfortable with anything listed above.

The fresh mid-October air plunged into your lungs after inhaling deeply through your nostrils as soon as you broke through the doors belonging to the lecture hall. Though the temperature outside was brisk, the sun was still shining above brightly. The white blotchy clouds were condensed together almost like puzzle pieces that were yet to fit together.

You were grateful for perfect weather on a day like this, and couldn't help but smile to yourself out of pure bliss. Because in all honesty, being stuck inside of lectures for the majority of the day wasn't ideal, but you sure were paying good money for it.

Pinching at the thin cotton material of your jacket, you pulled the fabric closer against your body when a gust of wind whipped past you. Maybe you should've thrown on a thicker jacket, but it's not like you took the initiative to check the weather for the day ahead when your attention was focused on making it out of your dorm room before being late for your eight am. Stopping at a large water fountain that was positioned perfectly center in the intersection of two walkways, you took a slight step with your left foot to turn and look around at all of the people floating about. Awkwardly searching for a particular face in the crowd as the sound of water gently overlapping played in your ears from the old fountain. Today, you had plans to hang out with your boyfriend, the plan was to meet up with him at this exact location. 'Maybe he's running late...' When another two minutes passed of you keeping an eye out for his familiar face, and there was still no sight of your boyfriend, you pulled out your phone to see if he'd sent you a text of his whereabouts or any piece of information. A clear notification screen surprised you, maybe even worried you just the slightest bit, but you shoved that hollow feeling down deep inside of you to tried to ignore it. 'Okay, maybe I should just text him.' Today 15:04 Where are you?✓ Your message had been sent, all you had to do now was play the very annoying waiting game. 'He wouldn't just ghost you for no reason without an explanation.' You tried reasoning with yourself. Your eyes tore away from your phone screen, deciding it was better to distract yourself with something instead of aimlessly waiting around for who knows how long. With only one glance around the perimeter, you elected that a nearby coffee cart parked further down away would be your means of distraction. What's a better distraction than caffeine? As you closed in on the dark oak wooden coffee cart, you couldn't help but notice a familiar face standing behind the cash register. The young man stood slumped over, a disengaged expression on his face, almost as if he were frowning. You lifted a brow quizically, taking the last few steps of your stride towards the cart. The man with blond hair and prominent sideburns perked up behind the register as you stood adjacent to him, "(L/N), is that you?" "Yeah, hey, Thomas! I didn't know you worked here. It's been a while since we've last spoke, how have you been?" You smiled, reminiscing in the few friendly memories you shared together. Thomas was in your German class at the beginning of the semester until you decided to drop the class and swap your minor out for French instead. There hasn't been much or any conversation between the two of you since then. "I just started two weeks ago, and about that..." the slight smile he'd managed to put on his face when you originally approached the cart faded away momentarily, "not so good actually," his cheeks flushed out of embarrassment and his smile kept wavering. "What happened? Are you okay?" You asked, genuinely concerned about your friends' feelings. "My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday," he admitted with a sigh. "Mina?" You asked and Thomas nodded, "that must suck, weren't you and her together for a while?" You could remember the few mentions of his ex-girlfriend in some of the conversations you had together before. "Since junior year of high school, she was my first girlfriend," his light brown eyes fell to the counter. "It was so... all of a sudden. She didn't even tell me why, but, in all honesty, I think it was for another guy," his fingertips tapped away at the counter anxiously. Hearing Thomas tell you about the recent breakup with his ex made your stomach twist and turn into knots for some unknown reason. There was suddenly a burning temptation to check your phone, but you refrained from doing so. "I'm sorry to hear that, and I wish there was something I could say to make you magically feel better," you shot him a sympathetic smile when he finally lifted his eyes to look up at you. "You know, I kind of feel a little bit better talking to you about it," Thomas admitted with a meek chuckle. "Anyways," he flicked the brim of his visor, "enough about me, is there anything I could get you?" He suggested to the menu of drinks. "Surprise me?" A small grin pulled at his lips, "on it." You couldn't help but notice how Thomas's emotions seemed to have pulled a full one-eighty compared to when you saw him standing idle behind the counter just a few minutes ago. "Here you go, one large pumpkin spice latte from our seasonal menu," Thomas reached over the counter, handing you a rather large paper cup, "careful, (L/N), it's hot." You accepted the latte with slight hesitation, "thanks, how much do I owe you?" You were struggling to reach your wallet inside of your purse when Thomas said, "don't worry about it, the drink is on me." "Are you sure? Because I can-" "Think of it as thanks for talking to me," Thomas showed a genuine smile while plucking a napkin from a dispenser to give to you, "just in case you need one of these." "Fine, but I'm paying for my next drink," you said, but still feeling reluctant to just walk away without paying for the drink. Quickly, you reached into your purse, feeling around for any loose money lying about. After a few seconds, you swiftly inserted a few crumpled bills and loose change into the nearly empty tip jar without even examining the tip amount. Thomas laughed after watching your efforts, "see you around, (L/N)." "Bye! Thanks again, Thomas," you sipped on your hot beverage as you steadily walked away from the coffee cart. When you passed by someone looking down at their phone, it reminded you to check yours to see if there was any response from your significant other. To no avail, there were no new messages on your lock screen, only a single notification that alerted you of a spam email message. You tabbed into your text messages once again because the curiosity gnawed away at your insides. Today 15:02 Where are you?✓✓ Immediately you felt your heart sink through your chest as you noticed that he'd definitely read your message. The same annoying worrisome thoughts intruded your mind once again, and this time it was difficult clearing them from your headspace. Today 15:09 Floch?✓ Unfortunately, the smile you had plastered on your face quickly faded away. You groaned under your breath, casually placing the hot beverage just at your lips, the scent of various warm spices tickled your nose as you precariously watched the chat bubbles appear then disappear, and reappear once again. The hot liquid almost scorched your mouth as you anxiously drew in a sip, and then another, all while waiting for his response. A sense of bile rose through your throat as the chat bubble disappeared and finally a response from Floch appeared. You read the message over and over again, trying to decipher if there was some hidden intent behind it. Floch❤️: I'm at your dorm building The page stilled for a moment when the second message of his came through. Floch ❤️: We need to talk 'We need to talk... that could only mean one thing.' In a complete utter panic, and with every intent on running to your dorm room, you forced your phone into the depths of your pocket. You carelessly cut a sharp right, the thoughts in your head running rampant as you headed for your dorm to see what it was exactly your boyfriend wanted to talk about. Your mistake was forgetting to double-check for any people around you before taking off into a sprint. Because now you came into contact with what felt like a slab of concrete in a head-on collision. Everything happened in the blink of an eye. The fresh latte flew from your grasp and tumbled onto the sidewalk, splashing you with its scorching hot liquid mid-process. Your purse fell from off of your arm as you landed flat on your back in front of everyone, and your victim had fallen to the ground with you- wait- on top of you? "I'm so fucking sorry," you hissed at the burning sensation from the drink, but also at the pain you felt from falling onto your back, the contents of your backpack digging into you. Hovering above you was a man dressed in a heather grey tracksuit. In one ear was an earbud, while the other earbud was detached and dangling in your face from the neck slit of his hoodie. A few pieces of his hair fell over his forehead and the sides of his face. You swore you could hear the faintest music pumping through his earbuds. You blinked a few times, unsure if you were seeing things clearly as he pushed himself off of you and held out a hand for you to take. Without another word, or any hesitation whatsoever, you placed your hand into his and he firmly clasped it, pulling you up onto the solid ground. The two of you bumped into each other but you promptly took a step back after you found your equilibrium. "I hope I didn't crush you, are you alright?" "Huh?" your eyelashes fluttered together rapidly, snapping yourself out of the weird trance you were in. The unnamed man chuckled dryly, "are you okay? That was quite a nasty fall. I hope I didn't break you or anything," he said with a hint of amusement in his voice, but overall it seemed that he was genuinely concerned about your well-being. "Oh, yeah, I'll be okay," you said, taking a look at your ruined jacket and shirt that was damp and beginning to grow cold from the latte, "shit." His intense light brown eyes stared down past your feet, examining the spoilt cup of coffee and the rest of the scene itself. "Here," he scooped up your purse from off of the ground for you. You awkwardly accepted your purse from the man and readjusted both straps of your backpack on your shoulders. As he stood in front of you, you couldn't help but stare at him, fully taking in his features. He was tall. Much taller than your boyfriend. His long jaw was sharp and perfectly lined with facial hair. His hair was long and a nice shade of light ash-brown and seemed to be shaved on the sides like an undercut. But, it was hard to tell since locks and strands of his hair were sporadic from the fall. Some pieces of his hair were stuck to his forehead from a thin layer of sweat. It was now that you realized how his chest was rising and falling rather rapidly with quick heavy breaths. It seemed that he'd been on a jog before you came crashing into him, at least it would explain the outfit. "Again, I'm sorry for running into you like a crazy person," you breathed out an anxious breath, "but I have to get going now, I have somewhere to be." You snatched the littered coffee cup from off of the ground and shoved it into the nearest wastebasket as you cleared the scene. You could've sworn that you heard the man calling out to you, but you refused to turn around, leaving him in the same exact spot of the incident. All you wanted to do was get to your dorm, talk to your boyfriend, and change clothes. **************** "Hey babe," you said uneasily as you saw Floch standing outside of your dorm. Floch had his back pressed against the door, his eyes glued to his phone, and his face was expressionless as the blue light fanned over his skin. When he heard your voice, he slowly tucked his phone away into his front pants pocket. Forwarding his attention to you, you opened your arms widely to greet him with a hug, but at the last second, you decided against it due to your damp top. "What the hell happened to you? You look like shit," he said with a slight chuckle as he examined your appearance. His words stung a great amount, causing you to bite at the inside of your lip, but you ignored him. "I fell on my way over here, my latte spilled on me in the process," you groaned, remembering the incident that happened not even ten minutes ago. "Do you want to come inside and talk while I change out of this mess?" You asked, heading for the door with your key. "No, I wanted to make this quick actually," he exhaled uneasily. "Okay," you wrapped your arms around your chest, holding onto yourself tightly. Your pulse quickened at the suspense, and the air around you could be cut with a knife while you waited for him to speak. It felt like an eternity had passed until those dreadful words left his lips. "There's no easy way for me to say this, so I'm just going to come right off the bat by saying that I think we should break up and see other people." Those dreadful words felt like the ripping of a bandaid, that or a complete slap to the face. The horrible predictions you tried to ignore happened to be true. Oh, how you wished you were wrong. You stared at him like a deer caught in headlights, trying to make sure that you heard him correctly. "Wha.. what?" you croaked, your mouth was dry. The silence was deafening, and the ringing sensation buzzed your ears. You watched as Floch's mouth moved, but no words could be heard over the persistent ringing in your ears. Floch gracelessly went for a hug, and even though you wanted to hug him- cling onto him and try to talk things out, he'd already let go of you. The bitter scent of citrus, the smell of him, plagued you and almost brought you to your knees with a wave of emotions following along with it. "I'm sorry," you were finally able to hear him once again. "Floch... can't we just step inside my room and talk things over?" You didn't want to sound like you were begging for him to stay, but you didn't just want to break up as if your relationship meant nothing either. "Are you sure about this?" You and Floch had been dating for not as long as Thomas and Mina were dating, but you two were going to be going on three months whenever the next month arrived. The two of you met on your first day at university, somehow he charmed you in a dorkish-way and the rest was history. And all this time you were thinking that you were in love with him. "(Y/N), it's been fun, but I think we'd just be better off going separate ways," Floch took two steps back as he stared at you, but your eyes weren't on him, but rather at his feet. "Again, I'm sorry for this." The sounds of footsteps grew distant until there was no more sound left, as your eyes stayed nailed to the spot where he once stood. He was gone. For good. You blinked an infrequent amount of times, only being pulled out of your hypnotic state when the sound of people walking down the hall caught your attention. As soon as you looked up to examine the hall, you made contact with some girl who was blatantly staring at you. Ignoring the unknown girl, you turned to your door and fumbled with the lock and key for more than a handful of tries. But eventually, you pushed through the oak door with a breeze you closed it behind you. As soon as you were alone in the dimly lit room is when a wave of emotions overcame you and the tears began rolling uncontrollably.

The Hordak Bleatings Masterpost

The new and improved Masterpost! All of my ridiculous bleating in one place! Now with categories to allow you, dear friends and neighbors, to better marvel at the utter nonsense I get up to in my spare time. It shall be updated every so often/when I remember. 

some of these categories may overlap or perhaps not be perfect; I tried; there was... a lot

Enjoy!

Biological/Medical Musings

A Fairly Comprehensive List of Hordak’s Clinical Signs

I Wrote Too Much About Hordak’s Arms

And Then Someone Asked About His Elbows So Voila

Someone Else Asked About His Eyes

Yes; I Did Measure Hordak’s Ears via Fuzzy Math; You’re Welcome

A Brief Word About Dentition

Some Sad Thoughts About Clone Lifespan

I Like to Headcanon that Clones Have Naturally Different Eye Colors

Counting Hordak’s Ports

Thinking About Terrible Ways Prime Could Institute Biological Control

Doing Very Fuzzy Math And Wondering Just How Young Hordak Could Be

Spending Way Too Much Time Figuring Out Whether Hordak is Left or Right Handed

Why Tiny Food is Probably Ideal for Hordak (a joke ask I essentially took Seriously)

Discussing Hordak’s Temper

Considering Whether Hordak Needs Oxygen

Discussing Whether Prime and his Clones are Genetically Identical

Hordak in Relation to Other Characters

Entrapdak

Hordak Can Get Close to Entrapta Because He Needn’t Fear Her

Discussing Entrapdak Age Discourse

Bit More Regarding Hordak’s Maturity vs. Entrapta’s

Hordak Didn’t Manipulate Entrapta… But Catra Did

Assessing that Unfortunate Moment When Hordak Snapped at Entrapta

Further Assessing Hordak Snapping at Entrapta by Noting When He Doesn’t

On Hordak’s Wardrobe Change

Entrapta Shushing Hordak is One of My Favorite Interactions

The Entrapdak Scene Was Also One of Self-Love

I Really Like How Entrapta Talks to Hordak About Failure

Hordak Tells an Actual Lie and Succeeds

Entrapta’s and Hordak’s Social Differences Help Them Connect to One Another

I Would Have Appreciated A Scene Where Entrapta Learns About What Happened To Hordak

Hordak Takes Strength From Realizing That Entrapta Came For Him

Hordak and Entrapta Just Like One Another, and I Enjoy That

There is a Huge Difference in How The Alliance and Hordak React to Entrapta Being on Beast Island, and it’s Jarring

This is Mostly About Catradora But Kind of in the Sense of Why Entrapdak is Better, so Here it Goes

Entrapta Didn’t Teach Hordak How to Love; She Taught Him How to Be Loved

The Soup Scene is a Condensed View of Why Entrapdak Works in Light of the Rest of Hordak’s Arc

Hordak and Entrapta Search for One Another Alone, and it Makes Me Sad

I Love How Hordak Scooches Over for Entrapta to Join Him on his Throne

Catra

The How-Catra-Manipulated-Hordak Masterpost

Watching Catra and Hordak Switch Roles in Season Three is Fascinating

Hordak and Catra’s Low Points Indicate Their Core Problems

Did Hordak Abuse Catra? Did She Abuse Him? The World May Never Know

Comparing Hordak and Catra in Terms of Consequences and Agency

Hordak and Catra’s Apparent Ages Likely Affect How People Judge Them

Why Doesn’t Hordak Subdue Catra?

Losing and Regaining the Will to Fight is Another Hordak/Catra Parallel

Sometimes I Wish The Show Would Focus Less on Catra and More on Hordak

Why Catra Besting Hordak Isn’t As Satisfying As Catra Besting Shadow Weaver

Hordak Exhibits Some Level of Trust in Catra Even in Season 2... and She Betrays It

The Difference in How Hordak and Catra Handle Relationships followed by Why They Are Like This 

Some Brief Words on the Differences Between How Hordak and Catra End Up Driven to Destruction in Season Four

Musing About What I Actually Would Accept as “Hordak Abusing Catra”

I Think It’s Kind of Funny that Some Expect Catra to be Suspicious of Hordak Post-Canon

Two Scenes That Look Distressing Side-by-Side

Discussing How Catra and Hordak Start Off as Parallels but Later Deviate Due to Character Differences

Adora

How Adora and Hordak End Season Four Differently

Hordak and Adora Parallels

I Wonder if Adora Recognizes Some of Herself in Hordak

Other

This is Actually About Shadow Weaver, but Compared to Hordak, So…

Hordak Doesn’t Seem to have a “Rule the World!” Moment (compared to Shadow Weaver)

On Hordak’s Weird Interactions with DT

Watching DT Circle Hordak is Interesting

Let’s Compare the Circling Scenes, Shall We?

What Wrong Hordak’s Arc Teaches Us About Clones and Hordak

Wondering if Hordak Actually has Control Over the Etherian Horde (could he have stopped the war?)

Prime

There Is A Huge Difference In The Standards Prime And Hordak Hold Others Two Versus Themselves

Hordak and Horde Prime Handle Their Own Vulnerabilities Quite Differently

The Difference Between How Prime and Hordak Use Anger

The Moment Prime Touched Hordak’s Face is the Moment I Truly Knew That Something About Hordak’s Backstory was Very Wrong

Clone/Origin/Prime-Related Sadness

The Clone Thing

More Distressed Bleating about The Clone Thing

Hordak’s DMV Photo Disturbs Me

Hordak Isn’t Actually an Idiot About Disease Transmission

On Hordak’s Bodily Autonomy, or Lack Thereof

How Much of Hordak is “Hordak?”

I’m 99% Certain That Hordak Sucks at Lying Because he Literally Couldn’t

You’d Think Hordak would Think Things Through, But…

Hordak isn’t Really Proud of “Hordak” (with a bonus Adora mention)

Hordak Provides Excellent Fridge Horror

Hordak’s Behavioral Pathology Isn’t Actually Pathology

So! That Purification Ritual was Really Something

Despite Erasure, Hordak Remains Himself

The Clones Are Essentially Trapped By Prime And It Upsets Me

I Get Annoyed That The Clones Aren’t Discussed More By Our Heroes

Again, I Wish The Show Acknowledged The Clones A Bit More, Wrongie Edition

Wouldn’t It Be Swell If Prime Really Did Manage The Clones Like Livestock? 

It’s More Emotionally Poignant That The Clones Are Individuals Rather Than Drones

Prime’s Doctrine Ensures Hordak Blames Himself, and it’s an Awful Control Measure

Hordak Probably Isn’t Dumb for Using Uninsulated Cables; Rather, Clone Sadness is in Play

Why I Can’t See Hordak and the Other Clones As Colonizers (unlike Prime) (also a whole convo thread)

Thinking About Clones and Self-Care

Each Clone Will Have to Realize That They Were Victimized

Wondering if Horde Clones Might Feel Anxious Sleeping Alone

Why Prime Might Encourage Some Autonomy in His Clones (spoilers: for cruelty)

Completely Arbitrary Classification of Clones Post-Prime!

Prime is an Actual God to the Clones and it is Terrifying

Canon Plausibility of Blanket Burritoing Horde Clones!

I Appreciate That, Despite Their Devotion, the Clones are Portrayed as Legitimately Suffering due to Prime

Catra and Adora have Happy Memories; do the Clones?; does Hordak?

Morality/Punishment/Redemption Related

Morality is (sadly) not a Universal Thing

Don’t Talk to me About the Reset as “Proper Punishment”

Why Hordak Doesn’t Just Become a Good Citizen

I Think About Hordak’s Choices a Lot

Hordak as an Abuse Mimic Rather Than Pure Evil

Looking at the Horde Child Soldier Thing From a Certain POV

Emotional Support is a Necessary Part of Healing

Hordak Was Forgiven Without Redemption, And I’m OK With That

Hordak’s Arc Speaks Directly to People who were “Raised Wrong”

I Wonder if Hordak Would See anti-Princess Propaganda as Propaganda

Semi-Intelligent Plot/Story Observations

Hordak’s Portrayal is a Function of Character Lens

Hordak Gets Very Legit Development in Season Four

She-Ra Isn’t a War Drama and Here’s Why

Hordak Suffers From a Distressing Lack of Agency

Hordak is a Weirdly Unenthusiastic Lord

The Season 4 Finale Reframes Hordak’s Vulnerability 

Untangling Hordak’s Backstory in Light of What We Now Know

Why Hordak Getting Possessed is Narratively Good

Hordak’s Rebellion and Subsequent Possession Essentially Summarize His Story

There Are Big Differences Between Hordak and Prime’s Etherian Wars

It Is Pretty Unlikely That Hordak Would Have Pulled The Portal Lever

It Occurred To Me That Hordak May Initially Ignore FO’s Tech Because It’s Just Really Old

An Assessment Of The Villain Intro Cards, Focusing On Hordak

I Think It’s Silly To Blame Hordak For Everything - Especially When Considering Prime

Literally Just a Thread Explaining Why Hordak is Sympathetic

Some Words On Exactly How Terrible DT’s Reveal Was For Hordak

The Escalation of Hordak’s Situation is Really Something

An Anon Asks a Normal Question and I go on a Tangent About Hordak Compensating for his Inability to Innovate via Entrapta and Catra

There are Monumental Differences Between the Galactic and Etherian Hordes in Terms of Brainwashing and Agency

Thinking About Why Chipped Etherians May Not be That Sympathetic To Clones After All

Random Bit of Logicking About Why Hordak Calls the Princesses a Rebellion

Figuring Out Why I Find Hordak So Much More Sympathetic Than The Princesses

Brief Musing on How Hordak Might Face Antagonism From Both Sides Post-Canon

Hordak’s Story Touches on the Concept of the Imperfection of Authority

Someone Asked Me if I Found Hordak’s S5 Arc Satisfying

Discussing Whether Or Not Hordak Planned on Leading Anything After Conquering Etheria

Taking Apart an Abysmal Twitter Take Because It’s Fun

Talking About Prime’s Clone Troops v. Robot Troops

Talking About Hordak’s Emotional Age

Hordak’s S3 Backtory Being Part-Delusion Helps Emphasize the Inequality in Attachment Between the Clones and Prime

A Few Not-So-Nice Acts Hordak Commits That I Find Justifiable

Random Headcanons of All Sorts

Stupidly Cute, Pointless Headcanon #3825 (ears covered)

Stupid Pointlessly Cute Headcanon #4853 (yawning, with appropriate artwork)

Stupid Pointlessly Cute Headcanon #2938 (snoring)

Stupid Pointlessly Cute Headcanon #1423 (REM sleep)

Stupidly Cute, Pointless Headcanon #7845 (blushing)

Random Hordak-Related Thought #2935 (forearms)

I Like to Think That Hordak Does Cute Things in his Sleep

I Like to Think That Hordak’s Eyes Dim While He Sleeps

Literally Me Just Having Emotions

Thinking About the Stress of Maintaining His Image in the Horde

Why Hordak’s Trauma is Particularly Disturbing To Me (compared to Catra/Adora)

Catra Overcomes her Fear of her Abuser; Hordak Does Not

All of my Emotions over the S4 Finale

Hordak’s Goddamned Smirk Lied to Me

I Have Feelings about Hordak’s Enforced Self-Care

I Need Hordak to Know that He is Loved

Hordak Goes Pew Pew and It’s Cute

Watching Hordak Lift Things Makes Me Smile

Hordak’s Unreasonable Expectations Make Me Sad

Please Just Let Hordak Rest

A Sassy Post About People Complaining the Hordak and Catra are Forgiven

All My Words About That Hordak/Adora Scene

Hordak Taps the Asphyxiation Lever With Two Fingers And It Makes Me Happy

I Wonder If Individuality Felt Blasphemous To Hordak

Please Don’t Stab Clones In Their Ports, Thank You

Hordak Clasps His Hands And It Makes Me Anxious

Hordak Shaming Catra Mimics the Purification Room And It’s Disturbing

Watching Hordak Give Up Is Heartbreaking

I Worry About Hordak Handling Anxiety

People Being Considerate of Hordak Makes My Heart Smile

I Wonder If Magic Was Frightening to Hordak at First

Thinking About Hordak Progressing in Terms of Self-Care

Prime Never Calls Hordak by Name, not Even Once

Just Being Sad While Realizing the Sort of Life Hordak had to Look Forward To

Strange Fic-Like Things No One Should Read

Please Consider: A Concept Masterpost

Hordak Practices Eyerolling

Imp Hacks Up The Worst Color of Hairball

After Prince Caspian didn’t make the oodles of money that the first Chronicles of Narnia film made, Disney decided that they weren’t interested in making more of these movies. Walden Media managed to get 20th Century Fox to distribute a third movie with them, and hoped to do more after that, though after losing the film rights those plans stalled and were eventually cancelled.

[Fox’s entertainment is owned by Disney now though so all three movies can be found on Disney+.]

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader was always going to be a difficult story to adapt, because while it’s fantastical it doesn’t have a Plot that works very well for a big budget fantasy film. There is no one villain for the heroes to defeat; the quest is to explore and find the Seven Lost Lords of Telmar that have been missing for years. Drawing inspiration from mythology and medieval literature about extraordinary voyages, it involves the heroes going from one island to another and encountering very weird stuff. Also Reepicheep wants to get to Aslan’s Country, which he believes is on the other side of the ocean.

It’s a delightful book, but how does one translate that into a movie?

Walden Media decided instead to sort of change the Plot. Caspian is still looking for the Seven Lost Lords, but there’s also an ancient evil haunting the seas east of Narnia, and the only way to defeat it is with special swords the Seven Lords took with them, and place them on Aslan’s Table near the edge of the world. Some of the islands are condensed or rearranged in where they show up in the Plot to make it all fit together. Eustace remains a dragon for significantly longer, which isn’t a problem for me because I love dragons. In the end, the journey to Aslan’s Country is less of a metaphor-made-real about getting to Heaven as much as, “Welp we kind of ended up here on the way to do something else.” The result is I think nowhere near as meaningful as the book, but it IS a fun fantasy film.

Also the evil Green Mist that appears throughout this movie was apparently meant to be foreshadowing for/related to the Lady of the Green Kirtle, the antagonist of _The Silver Chair_ and so I’m more than a bit bummed that there wasn’t a sequel to this film, as I am VERY curious to see how Walden Media would have adapted that character.

Anyway the Plot goes like this: World War II is still going on and while Peter and Susan are with their parents in America, Edmund and Lucy are staying with their cousin Eustace who they don’t quite get along with. Edmund’s a bit bummed about not having any authority even now that he’s out of Peter’s shadow, and Lucy feels like she never got the attention that her older sister got. And Eustace is a bit of a useless full-of-himself jerk.

AND THEN THEY GO TO NARNIA! They’re picked up by Caspian (who after a few Narnian years no longer has a Spanish accent) who is sailing east from Narnia to find out what happened to the Seven Lost Lords of Telmar, seven nobles who were supporters of his father who were sent out to the Lone Islands by Miraz and never returned. On this quest they discover a strange Green Mist that haunts the seas and makes people disappear sometimes.

So it’s like that.

I think it mostly works as an adaptation if you can accept the changes they made. But there are a couple of things that are a bit annoying. Lucy’s arc, for starters: this movie shows that she’s envious of the attention Susan got from others because of her beauty. And while that’s an understandable character trait, it has never been seen before this film. If this wasn’t a series it wouldn’t an issue, but it is so unlike Edmund’s desire to be out of Peter’s shadow and be recognized on his own (a trait that was present in the very first film and downplayed in the second), this feels like it comes out of nowhere. I get that it’s to adapt a scene from the novel in which Lucy is tempted to use a spell from the enchanter’s book to become beautiful, so I don’t mind it too much, but it IS a bit sloppily done, I think.

We’re also told that the journey is meant to test our heroes, and by that we’re shown them being tempted to give in to their desires, and Caspian doesn’t really get as much of that as the others. Edmund and Lucy get a lot of testing, and Eustace gets turned into a freaking dragon, but Caspian’s testing is mostly limited to a couple of scenes at most. In the book he has more, especially when reaching the border of Aslan’s Country--his subjects have to bluntly tell him that he can’t go there yet because as king he has other duties, and it’s not until he sulks in the cabin and has a conversation with Aslan does he realize that they’re right. The film does show that he wants to go, but of his own wisdom knows that he has to serve his people.

Still, it is a good movie full of great character moments. Edmund took sort of a backseat in _Prince Caspian_ and here he gets to shine as a lead character. Eustace is delightful in how annoying he is and how he gets better. And Reepicheep, dear Reepicheep, who is AWESOME (and voiced by Simon Pegg this time around).

[Oh and Tilda Swinton appears as the White Witch in visions brought on by the Green Mist--which, if it IS meant to be brought on by the Lady of the Green Kirtle, who in the books has an unclear connection to Jadis, has VERY interesting implications. The real reason is that Tilda Swinton loved working in the first movie and was happy for any excuse to come back, and they liked having her so they let her do it.]

It has good characters, it has great scenes, and it has solid acting. The Plot feels a bit weaker this time around, in large part because they’re made up a new one and they’re desperately trying to “recapture the magic of the first film” (no really, watch any promotional interviews and that phrase, or something like it, is dropped a bajillion times). Still, it’s not a bad Plot, just one that doesn’t sound that original or strong. I think the movie is definitely still fun and worth watching.

I don’t know if it feels this way because it’s the last movie Walden Media made, but the ending feels like a cap to the trilogy in a way that’s both fitting and a bit sad. If you’re a fan of these  movies, you will definitely want to see this movie just for completion’s sake (or as close to complete as one can do since the series didn’t finish). I think book fans will like it, but if you’re a novel purist then it’s possible you won’t because so much was changed.

take a hike (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: take a hike  Rating: PG-13 Length: 3300 Warnings: Angst  Notes: You can find the Maybe Today, Maybe Forever Timeline here. This is set in 1988, Reader has been with the DEA for a year. This was originally supposed to be only Reader’s POV, but guess what? You get Javi’s too.  Summary: Reader brings Lance to hang with Javier and Steve. 

Taglist:  @grapemama​  @seawhisperer​ @huliabitch​ @pedropascalito​ @rogrsnbarnes​@thewallpapergoesorido​ @twomoonstwosuns​ @gooddaykate​ @livasaurasrex​ @ham4arrow​@hiscyarika​​ @plexflexico​ @readsalot73​ @hdlynn​ @lokiaddicted​ @randomness501​@fioccodineveautunnale​ @roxypeanut​ @just-add-butter​ @snivellusim​ @amarvelousmandalorian​ @lukesrighthand​

Your fingers curled around your bottle of beer, your thumb sweeping through the condensation that was dripping down the neck of it. Back in the states, you used to be really cautious about keeping work and your personal life separate. But here in Colombia, your work friends were your only friends. 

At least you considered them your friends. Steve definitely was, considering he and Connie had been kind enough to invite you over to dinner at least once a week. Javier… was a different story. He was difficult to read on the best days. He respected you — which was almost better than being confident that he was a friend. He saw you as a peer, where others at the DEA rarely did. 

But he had been weird the last few weeks. Kind of distant, not quite as cocky. Steve assured you he was just dealing with some shit, but it was hard not to take it personally when he was only off with you.

“Hey sweetheart,” Lance said as he slid into the booth beside you. “Why the long face?”

You blinked, shaking yourself from your thoughts. “Just a long day.” You explained, taking a sip of your beer. “And the assholes are late.” 

“They didn’t strike me as the type to be on time.” He chuckled, draping his arms over your shoulders and you leaned into his side. Lance was a great distraction — though you had a feeling he didn’t realize he was a distraction. 

He had been working in coordination with the DEA for the past two months. He’d started flirting with you halfway through the first month and by the start of the second the two of you were dating. He was funny and sweet — a breath of fresh air in comparison to someone like Javier. Not that there was a comparison between the two. You weren’t sure why you even had compared them. 

“Steve’s usually better than this,” You said as you glanced at your watch, before taking a swig of your beer. “How was your day?”

He shrugged, loosening his tie. “Bureaucratic red tape, you know how it is.” 

Lance was a good boyfriend. You’d had a decent number of shitty ones back in college and high school, but this one was one of the good ones. A little boring, but he made up for it in other areas. He was tall and handsome and had blue eyes that reminded you of the ocean at the Santa Marta beach.

You sat up a little straighter when you spotted Steve and Javier strolling into the bar. Steve was saying something to Javier, but they were too far away from you to read their lips. He had his hand on Javier’s shoulder and he was quick to shrug it off — clearly pissed off by whatever Murphy had said to him. 

Javier’s eyes found yours across the room and you felt yourself shrink under his gaze. Steve caught him by the arm again and steered him towards the bar to get a drink. 

“Tweedledee and Tweedledum have arrived.” You remarked, taking a pull from your bottle, before setting it aside. The knot of anxiety had returned tenfold and even the gentle way that Lance played with your hair didn’t help it subside. 

“Sorry for the delay, we got caught up in some shit.” Steve explained as he slid into the booth across from you. “How are you doing, man?” He questioned, shaking Lance’s hand across the table. 

“Good. Good. Looking forward to the weekend.” Lance explained, taking a drink of his beer. “We’re planning on going up to Quebrada La Vieja. You and Connie have any plans?”

Steve thought for a second and shook his head, “Nah. I’ll see if she’s up for a hike.” 

“That would be nice.” You smiled, taking another drink of beer as your eyes flickered towards the bar. Javier had his back turned to the table, but even from his posture, you could tell he was in a real bitch of a mood. “What the hell happened?” You blurted out, looking back at Steve. 

He shrugged, leaning back. “It’s not worth rehashing.” Steve turned his attention back to Lance. “You a dog man or a cat man?”

Lance laughed, “Cat.” 

“Really?” You turned to look at him. 

“They’re self-sufficient.” He explained. “Dogs need too much work.” 

Javier sat his beer bottle down on the table with unnecessary force, before he slid into the booth beside Steve. “What are we talking about?”

“Lance is a cat man.” You quipped, smirking as you took a swig of beer. 

He gave Lance a once over, “Yeah I see that.” His brows furrowed together as he looked towards you briefly with a short shake of his head. “So Lance, you and your other suits have any luck this week? Heard you had a big intelligence sting.”

Lance draped his arm over your shoulders again and you leaned into his side. “No luck. Fell apart before we could get boots on the ground. Some of the players involved have deep roots, so we have to tread lightly.” He brought the bottle to his lips and took a sip. “Do you hike, Peña?”

Steve was quick to answer for him, “Javi’s idea of a relaxing weekend is definitely not hiking.”

Javier shrugged, his eyes flickering towards you again as he took a drink. “I’ve got plans. If that’s what you’re getting at.” He settled Lance with a look. “Who the fuck stands outside in this heat and thinks ‘let’s hike’.” He shook his head, lips drawn into a thin line. 

Lance chuckled, seemingly unphased by the dark cloud hanging over Javier. “I’d rather be outside hiking, instead of cooped up inside with an overworked air conditioner.” He gave you a nudge, “You want another beer?”

You glanced down at your bottle and nodded your head, “That would be nice,” You smiled at him, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his lips. “Thank you.” 

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” He grabbed your empty bottle and his own and slid out of the booth. 

“Javier, are you okay?” You questioned, taking Lance’s absence as an opportunity to figure out what your partner’s problem was. You only hoped it resolved itself over the weekend because Monday was going to be hell otherwise. 

“Do I seem like I’m not okay?”

“If you had other plans, you didn’t have to come tonight.” You told him with an edge to your voice. “I know this is a standing thing, but…” You folded your arms across your chest. “Go get laid and see if the stick up your ass falls out.”

“Fuck you,” He gritted out, snatching up his bottle and sliding out of the booth. “I’ll be back.” Javier told Steve, his eyes lingered on you for a split second before he was walking away from the table

“What the actual fuck?” You questioned as you looked at Steve, an incredulous laugh escaping you. “Is there something I should know? He has been in a rotten mood for weeks now and it’s really starting to piss me off.”

Steve shrugged. “It’ll blow over.” He tapped his fingers against the top of the table. “The hike sounds fun though. Connie’s off this weekend and I’m sure she’d like to get out of the house.” He nodded his head in the direction of Lance, “You happy?”

“He’s great.” You answered, a little too quickly. “A little… boring.” You admitted with a laugh. “But at least he’s not an asshole like some people.” 

“He’s just dealing with some shit.” Steve clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head. 

“Clearly.” You glanced towards the bar, watching as Lance conversed with the bartender, but your gaze was pulled towards Javier as he headed back towards the booth. His eyes were on you once again, lips drawn into a paper-thin line. Your heart clenched as you held his gaze, wondering if you had somehow pissed him off. But he was being weird with Steve too. Or at least you’d assumed as much given the words they’d had when they got to the bar. 

“Javi,” You started as he sat down. You wanted to apologize, but there was nothing to apologize for. You hadn’t done anything. You lowered your gaze to the table, studying the grain as you scraped your nail against it. “Are you looking forward to the stakeout Tuesday night?” You questioned. “You’ll never guess what I managed to track down.” 

“What?” He questioned with a whisper of a smile on his lips, the scowl fading from his features. 

You grinned at him, “Sour Cream and Onion chips.”

“You’re shitting me!” Javier matched your grin with one of his own, though it was gone the moment Lance sat back down beside you and all traces of that smile vanished without a trace. But he still knocked his knuckles against the table and offered you a quiet, “Thanks.”

You took the bottle from Lance, taking a sip of the beer. Maybe he didn’t like Lance. Maybe that was the issue. You couldn’t exactly blame him. With the CIA breathing down the agency’s neck — things had been a bit bullshit. But still, the hostility took you by surprise.

Javier was typically a difficult person, but you were rarely on the receiving end of his coldness. 

Maybe it was just because you were dating Lance now and you weren’t just ‘one of the guys’ anymore. Whatever it was, you hated it.

Maybe you could track down another bag of chips before Tuesday. Endearing yourself with food always worked with Javi. 

——————————————

“When are you going to knock this shit off, Javi?” Steve questioned, catching him by the arm just short of the door. “It’s not fair to her.”

“He’s fucking CIA.” Javier seethed, jerking his arm out of Steve’s grasp. “We’ve already got Messina breathing down our necks. Now she’s got one of the CIA suits in her bed.”

“Don’t you fucking dare go in there saying this shit, Javier.” Steve snapped, keeping him from getting any closer to the door. 

“I wasn’t going to.” He said defeatedly, rolling his shoulders as he fixed him with a look. “Thought you knew me better than that.”

“With your current attitude? I don’t know.” Steve admitted, tucking his hands into his jacket pocket. “You can’t control her, Jav. She’s free to do whatever she pleases. Who—“

Javier had had enough of this conversation. He shouldered past Steve and pulled the door open, stepping inside. Steve grabbed him by the shoulder again. “Knock it off, Murphy.”

“Just go easy on her.” Steve warned him. “Lance seems like a decent guy. Hell, maybe she’ll get the CIA off of our asses.”

Somehow that made it worse. He wrenched his shoulder out of Murphy’s grasp, eyes flickering around the bar until they settled on her. The same seat they’d called their own for the past year. A couple days a week the three of them would drown the day’s troubles away with cheap beer and good laughs. 

Now fucking Lance Collier was sitting in his seat. 

He started forward, but Steve grabbed him again. “Let’s get a beer.” He urged and Javier didn’t protest. Maybe a drink would soften the blow. The blow. Like this was that deep under his skin. 

He just didn’t like Lance. He didn’t like that he was who she’d chosen. It didn’t make any fucking sense. 

When had she ever seemed interested in high and tights? None of it made any sense. Then again nothing made sense anymore, where she was involved.

He dragged a hand over his face as he leaned against the bar. He wished he hadn’t come. But he hadn’t wanted to disappoint her. Javier was sure he’d somehow he’d find a different way to.

“I’m gonna over to the table.” Steve told him, before he was left alone at the bar to wait on the drinks. He wanted to look back — to try to figure out what she saw in him. But he could feel her eyes on him. 

Steve had a point. If he kept acting like an ass about this, he was going to lose her as a friend. He actually valued her friendship — more than even Murphy’s. Not that they were friends. She certainly didn’t judge him for his own endeavors, so why couldn’t he just get over the Lance thing?

Javier pushed his fingers through his hair with a sigh before he thanked the bartender for the drinks and headed to the table. He caught the tail end of the conversation — nothing of real importance, but he tried to act included. 

“What are we talking about?” He questioned, taking a swig of beer as he folded his arm atop the table.

“Lance is a cat man,” She remarked and he couldn’t help the little twinge of amusement. He knew her well enough to know she was judging her boyfriend for that answer. 

His eyes flickered towards Lance, wondering yet again how that dumbass had landed her. “Yeah, I see that.” Javier looked back at hers with an incredulous shake of his head. How could someone who loved dogs as much as she did end up with him? 

He wouldn’t get her. There was no way a stiff suit like Lance could appreciate her 

“So Lance, you and your other suits have any luck this week?” He had heard that it was an epic failure. Mostly because some suit like Lance hadn’t dotted the i’s. “Heard you had a big intelligence sting.”

Javier gripped his beer bottle tighter as he watched Lance drape his arm over her shoulder and his stomach twisted into knots when she settled into his side. He didn’t get it.

“No luck. Fell apart before we could get boots on the ground. Some of the players involved have deep roots, so we have to tread lightly.” He brought the bottle to his lips and took a sip. “Do you hike, Peña?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Javier could only think of one reason to take a hike and that was to get rid of a body. 

Steve didn’t give him a chance to answer, which was smart. Thinly veiled threats of murder never went over well in mixed company. “Javi’s idea of a relaxing weekend is definitely not hiking.” 

Javier shrugged his shoulders as his gaze flickered towards her, his eyes meeting hers as he took a drink. He couldn’t figure out what she was thinking. “I’ve got plans. If that’s what you’re getting at.” He narrowed his eyes as he glared at Lance, “Who the fuck stands outside in this heat and thinks ‘let’s hike’?”

Lance let out a good-natured chuckle, “I’d rather be outside hiking, instead of cooped up inside with an overworked air conditioner.” He turned towards her, “You want another beer?”

“That would be nice.” She smiled and kissed him and Javier forced himself to look away. He couldn’t figure out why the fuck this bothered him so goddamn much. He just hated it. She deserved better than some jackass like Lance. 

He didn’t even seem like the type who would get her off-color jokes. How was he not driving her mad? 

“Javier, are you okay?” 

He stared back at her, brows furrowed. “Do I seem like I’m not okay?” He bit back and he caught the way Steve cleared his throat. 

“If you had other plans, you didn’t have to come tonight.” She matched his tone with ease, “I know this is a standing thing, but… Go get laid and see if the stick up your ass falls out.”

Javier felt something snap within him and he briefly considered sending his beer bottle careening across the bar. But he thought better of it. Opting to hurl words instead of bottles. Something his father had taught him once — don’t make messes you don’t want to clean up while you’re pissed. 

“Fuck you,” 

His gaze turned towards the bar, watching the back of Lance’s head before he decided what he was going to do. “I’ll be back.” Javier told Steve before he left the booth before he could stop him. 

Javier headed for the bar. It was stupid. Real fucking stupid. He shooed away a patron so he could settle into the spot beside Lance. Leaning against the bar he sighed heavily. “Do you realize what you have?”

Lance turned to stare at him, “What?”

“With her.” He jerked his head back towards the table. “I don’t like you”

“Yeah, I figured that one out.”

“But she likes you. So I’m gonna tolerate you.” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “She’s one of the good ones. A better agent than she’ll ever be recognized for. If you screw her over—“

“I’m not that kind of guy.” And the worst part was that Javier knew he wasn’t. 

“Not that she needs anyone, but you better fucking take care of her.” He warned him. “If you hurt her…” Javier shook his head slowly. 

Lance stared back at him, flinching when Javier clapped him on the shoulder. 

“Good talk.” He quipped, before he turned and headed back for the table. Of course she was staring at him — not at Lance. He caught her gaze the second he turned and he hated the way it made his heart clench. Why the fuck had she gotten under his skin?

“Javi,” She started as he slid back into the booth. Her lips moved like she was trying to find her words and he found his gaze lingering on them for too long. “Are you looking forward to the stakeout Tuesday night?” 

Javier shrugged. 

“You’ll never guess what I managed to track down.” 

“What?” He questioned, a smile playing over his lips as he watched the flicker of joy in her eyes. Work was a safe topic, work didn’t make him feel like his skin was crawling. 

She beamed at him,  “Sour Cream and Onion chips.”

Fuck. 

How the hell had she remembered that? Half a year ago he’d mourned the lack of good junk food available for stakeouts. An off-handed comment about Sour Cream and Onion chips and she had fucking remembered.

Lance didn’t deserve her. 

“You’re shitting me!” Javier’s heart pounded in his chest as he smiled back at her. He missed this — the easiness. But it was a short-lived moment. 

Lance returned, as if he’d sensed what was happening. 

Javier looked back towards her, holding onto the fleeting seconds of her smile. It was gone, much like his own. He knocked his knuckles against the table and offered her a faint “Thanks.” He wished he could’ve said more.

But Steve was there and none of it deserved to be said. 

Javier knew the only way to get past this was to forget whatever stupid thought he’d had. She was his partner, his friend. Would it help to go to the brothel? To get lost in someone that vaguely reminded him of her. To work whatever this was out of his system before he ruined everything.

He respected her too much. 

As much as it pained him to think it — she actually did deserve someone like Lance. Someone that would treat her right and be there for her. He could only be that person during working hours. And even then, he knew he was shit.

Why did it have to be her? 

Of all the women that passed through his life, it just had to be the one that was too good for him. The one that challenged him, laughed with him, the one he trusted. 

The one that used to rest her head on his shoulder just like she was doing with Lance, making snarky comments as Steve bored them to death with some trivial story about Connie or when he was in Miami. 

That used to be his seat. As a friend. As a partner. Nothing more. 

I hope this is not too forward: I found your tumblr today!! and I want to say I love your wolf shifters fic "thrill of the hunt", I believe, so much!!!! tumblr ask has a word limit and I can't condense all my feelings about it in 1 ask, but also if I could, half of it would be just happy screams <3 I REALLY REALLY LOVED IT SO MUCH!! and I love how realistic you showed the conflict. And the words were beautiful. I hope you have a beautiful day <3

Im so glad you’ve enjoyed it so far! Like I’ve assured people before, I promise it’s not an abandoned work despite my long gap since the last update~ I was actually working on the next installment earlier today!

Though I also uncovered some writing that was cut out of earlier chapters, and since I don’t get too many asks I guess this is as good a time as any to post it here for anyone interested.

I believe this was originally part of chapter 3, but for some reason at the time I decided to cut it out. Likely because I make it up as I do each chapter, and it started heading in a direction that I wanted to change. The world may never know...

Damian began to settle into the pack slowly but surely. He was eager to explore the den and the territory in the daylight, but Bruce had forbidden him from going outside for the time being.

[weird cut]

Breakfast turned out to be a relatively uneventful affair and Bruce didn’t know if he should be grateful or worried. It wasn’t uncommon for most of his pack to have long nights, and sleep in until almost lunch as a result. Unfortunately, Damian did not seem to fall into this category despite his late arrival. He seemed to rise with the sun, despite the lack of windows in the room, and was sure Bruce rose with him one way or another.

It had taken a bit of cajoling to get Damian to come down to the kitchen and get breakfast while still in his sleepwear, but Bruce had managed by wearing something just as informal once he shifted back to his human form. He’d even gotten the boy to leave his sword behind by promising that no one else was allowed to enter the alpha’s room, which Bruce would count as his greatest success so far. The last thing he needed was a sword fight over scrambled eggs.

Bruce breathed a sigh of relief once they reached the kitchen and saw Tim wasn’t there, only to immediately feel guilty about it. Now was the worst possible time for Bruce to start playing favorites. The fight wasn’t Tim or Damian’s fault, neither of them were expecting another omega to be in the pack. Bruce should have planned things out better instead of shoving a pup into the middle of things like that. Damian has probably gotten overwhelmed and acted on instincts he couldn’t control.

Only Dick and Cass were at the table, though the former seemed to be struggling more than the latter in terms of staying awake. Dick had probably gotten up much earlier than he normally would have just in case Bruce needed help with Damian. Dick was always there to help socialize new pack members, and the alpha was grateful for it.

He was also grateful for Alfred, who was quick to usher them to the table from his spot in front of the stove.

“How was your first night?” Dick asked, stifling a yawn behind his hand, “Does Bruce still snore like a bear?”

[transition I never wrote]

Bruce was concerned about Damian’s eating habits at first, as the young omega did nothing more than poke at his cooling bowl of oatmeal at the table. It wasn’t until a bleary eyed Jason stumbled in and zeroed in on their newest packmate that things changed. The younger alpha grabbed a spoon out of the drawer and stole a scoop of mush out of Damian’s bowl, popping it into his mouth before anyone could protest.

“Ta-da, it’s not poison,” Jason announced, tossing the spoon into the nearby sink with a clank!

“Back off!” Damian hissed at the same time as several exasperated Jason’s came from the others. Damian pulled his bowl closer, hunching over it like a human shield, but Jason had already moved on to the fridge.

[gave up]

Together We Are Apart, but Apart We Are Together | KTH Ch. 2

Author: thegoodprincess

Pairing: Kim Taehyung | Original Female Character

Genre: romance, fantasy, action, forbidden love, human KTH | angel of death OC, supernatural au

Word Count: 2.1k [series, ongoing]

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Mentions of violence [a stabbing occurs]

Summary: After admiring a handsome boy from afar, an Angel of Death reluctantly rescues him from his own demise. As a result of going against her better judgment she inadvertently invites him into her world.

(I recommend listening to this song while reading)

Together We are Apart, but Apart We Are Together

Chapter 2. Fate

“Fate has a funny way of intervening in people’s lives.” ― Katie Ashley

It was a few months later in the dead of winter when I was walking near the Han River. Due to the icy temperatures the river was partially frozen. The ground surrounding it was coated in a fresh blanket of snow that came down earlier in the day. A chilly breeze nipped at the tender flesh of my cheek, causing an involuntary shiver to rake down my spine.

Sighing out my condensed breath formed a cloud that mingled with the crisp air. I glanced up at the sky. Overhead the pale moon glowed bright, illuminating the night sky against the backdrop of countless glittery stars. Looking around I stood alone admiring the the way the shadows created by the city lights flitted across the pavement. It was quiet, not eerily so, but in a way that emphasized the bare stillness of wintertime. Most people were at home presumably getting ready to go to sleep as it was fairly late.

I was waiting for my next patron to arrive: a man who was going to be murdered during a robbery gone wrong. This was a common occurrence for me. I was one of many angels of death. I was not a malevolent force. I did not decide who lived and who died, and how the act itself was carried out. I simply collected the souls of the fallen and escorted them to the afterlife.

It was bittersweet condoling the newly deceased once they realized their predicament. I would allow them to say their last goodbyes to loved ones and others they deemed fit before they departed into the light. But it was harrowing having to witness death first hand and being strictly forbid from interfering.

I had seen countless people perish a variety of ways. I had seen it all from natural deaths having to do with diseases or natural processes like aging, to accidental deaths like car fatalities. Suicides and homicides were some of the worst. While death was inevitable, loss of life done by the hands of oneself or by another wasn’t. There always lied a choice, humans just choose to be masters of their own and sometimes other’s destinies.

While I was a creation of purity, I had been become well acquainted with grief. It was almost as if I was stuck in an endless cycle; each time the metaphorical wound was healed it was being habitually ripped open. In the grand scheme of things it was woefully the one major downside of the duty. Tonight would be no different. I would again begrudgingly be a bystander to yet another fateful demise.

As if on cue an older man adorn in designer clothing came into view, walking cautiously with shifting eyes assessing his surroundings. His shoulders were tensed and his pace was quick as he shuffled across the sidewalk. He looked genuinely frightened as if he was paranoid that someone was following him, and I guess he wasn’t wrong.

Then seemingly from the shadows a man wearing a black ski mask and gloves appeared from behind some foliage. He snuck up and roughly grabbed the older gentleman from behind with gloved hands, startling him.

The two men fought for a short while until the masked man managed to get his forearm around the older gentleman’s neck. He began to strangle him. However, I don’t think the masked man’s intent was to maliciously murder him. Rather he was meaning to strangle the older man to the point of him passing out. This would ensure that the masked man could steal his wallet without the risk of being followed and potentially caught.

But nevertheless, the masked man exerted lethal pressure for way longer than necessary to the elder’s neck. The older man’s knees began to buckle and his struggling became less erratic. Regardless of the older gentleman involuntarily becoming compliant, the masked man had yet to let up his hold on him. The older gentleman’s arms dangled limply at his sides. He was dying.

Just then a third party came into view. I was bewildered as I wasn’t expecting anyone else to show up. A young man with a bag slung over his shoulder was inching closer and closer, until his face came into view. He seemed vaguely familiar, the distance between us was making it hard to distinguish certain features.

Then almost instantly I recognized him. It was the boy whose face I had found to be bewitching. He was indelibly engrained into my memory. While I had stopped secretly hoping to catch a serendipitous glimpse of him when I was out, there hadn’t been a day that went by where I didn’t wonder what he was doing, who he was with, or if he even frequented the same places.

He still looked the same dressed smartly in a white turtleneck, tan trousers, wool trench coat, and tartan print scarf. It was apparent that the overcast winter weather had subtly lightened his complexion by a few shades. The only significant difference about him was his hair. His once dark locks had been dyed to a golden blonde hue. In addition to the new color, the parting of his hair now showcased his entire forehead.

Regardless of the butterflies that had erupted in my abdomen from seeing him again, the feeling dissipated all too soon as my stomach sunk. There had never been a greater time where I wished he hadn’t show up, especially considering the circumstances of this situation.

He wasn’t supposed to be here.

My veins ran cold, as if the very ice water of the river before us, coursed through them. Every hair on the back of my neck rose on end. I silently prayed he would turn around back in the direction he came from and not involved himself. But I was sorely mistaken. He stopped in his tracks, witnessing the killing of the elder. Swiftly dropping his bag, he ran over to help.

What ensued caused me to let out an audible gasp. The boy threw a hard punch and was able to stun the masked man momentarily, as the criminal fell to the ground. Assuming the masked man to be knocked out, the boy then attempted to help the older man who fell to his knees gasping for breath. Crouching down, the boy pulled out his phone to call for an ambulance. But his attempt was short lived.

Rising from his place on the ground a bit disoriented, the robber fumbled around in his front coat pocket and hastily pulled out a small pistol rashly pointing it at the pair with a quivering hand. The older gentleman cowered low behind the younger boy, almost as if he was using him as a shield. The boy’s arms immediately came up to surrender, remaining perfectly still. The gunman agitated at the boy’s heroics fixed his aim directly to the boy’s chest. He was purposely planning to deliver a fatal shot to his heart. All to quickly the gun shot’s sound reverberated off the concrete. I could only watch in horror.

In that moment the world seemed to turn upside down. My mind was reeling. I felt dizzy, bile crept up into my throat while all I felt was I was my heart slamming against my ribcage. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as the bullet exited the barrel of the gun. Naturally the boy screwed his eyes shut while he tensed his entire body, bracing himself for the inevitable impact. A second later he flinched backwards.

Shortly after the deafening crack of the bullet penetrated my eardrums, I squinted my eyes to check where the boy had been shot. To my relief the middle of his chest was still intact, but a bright red substance began to slowly spread from his shoulder region and seep down into the area where his heart lay beating. The gunman had indeed missed his intended target, and instead shot clean through the boy’s left shoulder. The boy’s facial expression twisted into a state of confusion, shocked at what had just occurred. I assumed the adrenaline numbed his senses, altering his frame of mind.

The older gentlemen looked like he wanted to help but he remained unmoving still afraid to come out from behind the boy. The gunman tried to shoot again but to some miracle his trigger jammed. Seeing this as an opportunity to escape, the older man quickly abandoned the boy, scurrying off without looking back. But the boy was too weak to follow, he remained holding his shoulder nearly doubled over. The pain was beginning to set in.

In an effort to make due with the boy, the gunman reached into his interior coat pocket to withdraw his hand holding an odd black object. It was revealed to be a switchblade when he subtlety flicked his wrist and the blade sprung out. Since the older man escaped on the boy’s behalf, the masked man felt it was only fair the boy be robbed instead. The boy assessing the situation held out one of his hands as if to plead for mercy. A pained grimace painted his pretty face.

Then I saw the boy’s lips begin to move. The two appeared to be exchanging words. I felt petrified, so I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Their voices came out distorted, sounding more like unintelligible mumbles than any actual language. It was as though they were talking underwater.

In a last ditch attempt to save himself from further harm, I saw the boy slowly reach into his back pocket with his good hand and pull out his wallet. He dangled the wallet in front him to show the criminal before he chucked it into the snow at the criminal’s feet, hoping this would satisfy the man.

The man hastily grabbed the wallet off the ground and excitedly opened it to reveal its contents. But his smile soon faltered, boiling anger brewing in his eyes instead.

Originally it seemed he didn’t intended to stab the boy after already shooting him in a fit of blind rage, the knife was just the extra assurance he needed to intimidate the boy into cooperating. But the boy stuck his nose in business that didn’t concern him and ultimately costed the masked man.

Not only did the boy escalate the situation and cause the victim he purposely targeted to get away, but the masked man wasted time and energy grappling with the boy which increased the likelihood of him being seen and or arrested by the authorities. He went through all that troublesome effort and for what? Some chump change he could have easily pickpocketed off someone on the subway. He was throughly pissed.

The criminal was going to teach the boy a lesson. Taking the measly amount of bills out, he hurled what remained of the wallet back into the snow. He stalked closer to the boy ready to attack with a sadistic smirk.

Slowly the boy began taking small steps backwards subconsciously putting distance between him and the impending danger. Unfortunately he was unknowingly inching closer to the water.

But all hell broke loose when the boy accidentally slipped on some dangerously slick ice that caused him to lose his balance. He then clumsily stumbled backwards and plunged into the frigid water of the river, breaking through the ice in the process.

The gunman realizing the gravity of the situation, almost instantly snapped out of his aggressive trance-like state and stood there with a blank expression. It was then that he began to visibly panic, nervously looking around to see if anyone else had witnessed what had just happened. He apprehensively neared the edge of the river and looked as though he was debating whether to help the boy or not. But he knew if he did, it would only further incriminate him.

Deciding to conceal his involvement in tonight’s events, he plucked the jammed gun and wallet from the snow and hurriedly planted the two respective items by the river’s edge.

The gunman made it appear as though the boy had committed suicide by first shooting himself and then falling into the river. He subsequently raked his feet sloppily over the snow in a back and forth motion to disguise his shoe prints. Once he was pleased enough with his work, he bolted off fleeing the scene.

Quickly wrenching myself from my deep stupor, I rushed over without taking a second to assess the severity of my actions and immediately jumped in to rescue the boy.

Tease (Vol. 2) | Richie Gecko x fem!reader

✏️ Pairing: Richie Gecko x fem!reader

✏️ Summary: in which Y/N is a big tease (but at least she makes Richie cum).

✏️ A/N: part two of my ‘write smut in 1k’ challenge failed miserably haha oh well, enoy! 😈 bjs aren’t my forte, so any feedback is welcome x

✏️ Warnings: 18+ ONLY (fingering + oral m/r)

✏️ Word-count: 1,831

The excitement that comes with the knowledge that tonight is their night has yet to stop buzzing underneath her skin when Y/N gets out of the shower and wipes condensation from the frameless mirror hanging above the sink of the small motel bathroom. She smiles at her reflection and then, for a second or two, she lets that giggle go.

Last time they spent a night bunkered up somewhere is… too long ago to remember with complete certainty. She knows it was fun – it always is with Richie – but she cannot, for the life of her, remember the details. Tonight’s for new memories, though, and the best thing is, he was the one coming up with the idea. Let’s do something, just the two of us. No Seth, no plans, no nothing. Just. Us. – a bit too good to be true, sure, since all he’s been able to think about for the last couple of months is how to get his big brother out of jail, but that’s not something worth spending time on.

She quickly towels herself off and doesn’t even bother a glance at the new lingerie set she bought that afternoon for the occasion – it would end up in shreds anyway and she’s paid quite a bit for it. So, she simply wraps that hideous pastel green towel around herself and opens the bathroom door.

Richie laying back against the pillows on his single bed, hands resting behind his head, legs crossed at the ankles, glasses still on and dressed in nothing else but his pants is what she expects to find. And that’s also the one thing that doesn’t greet her when she walks back into the room.

Instead of waiting for her, Richie is sitting cross-legged on his bed, sure, but with the billion papers planning Seth’s escape scattered in front of him.

A frown settles on her face and in an attempt to stop herself from frowning, she tightens her hands into fists and crosses her arms in front of her chest. They’ve gone over that plan a billion times by now, to the point where they know it by heart and could recite it in their sleep. They’ve come up with all the things that could go wrong and how to avoid them – or how to get out of trouble in case they do go wrong. There’s absolutely no need to revise it again. What is this, high school?

This is supposed to be our night, she thinks as she sits down with a sigh on the chair in front of his bed. It’s a couple of seconds later that she realizes this could still be it, and when the thought pops up unsolicited in her mind, a smirk settles on her lips.

She undoes the towel and lets it fall to the side as her left hand trails down her breast and her abdomen before settling between her parted legs for a moment.

“Richie?” She sucks on two fingers before bringing her hand back on her sex. She’s wet and hot, and it’d be a lie if she said she didn’t get herself off just ten minutes ago in the shower.

But Richie doesn’t look up at her. He merely hums in acknowledgment and moves the papers around, probably looking for a map or a page of notes in particular.

Her smirk grows and the annoyance that could have been there isn’t there anymore. It’s hot when she thinks about it. At some point he’s going to look at her, maybe to ask her something, and he’s going to see her spread open like that. One hand between her legs, two fingers slowly pumping into her, and the other playing with her breast.

This time, when she calls his name, Richie is a strained moan followed by a whimper when her thumb starts toying with her clit.

He does look up now. The annoyance he might feel at being distracted evaporates from his features in a flash and a grin takes its place. “What are you doing?” he asks, gathering all the papers on his bed into a messy pile and moving it aside.

“I should be asking you that.”

He doesn’t need to ask her to come here twice, for she removes her hand from in-between her legs and as she stands up and walks over to him, she sucks her fingers clean. “I got carried away,” he hums as an excuse when he sits on the edge of the bed, bare feet resting on the floor.

She sits in his lap and instead of leaning in to meet his pursed lips to kiss him, she tilts her head to the side and peppers kisses on the side of his neck, her fingers already fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. “I want you to take this off now.”

He tenses in anticipation for a moment against her, but eventually, his fingers take to undoing the buttons as she licks and suckles at the skin of his neck. When he takes his shirt off, she leans back for a moment, takes him in, just to then push him back to lie down, lips light against his chest, pressing barely-there kisses down his sternum and his abdomen.

“There’s just you and me tonight, remember?” She’s kneeling on the floor between his legs now and her hand palming at his growing erection through the pants of his suit almost makes his eyes cross.

He groans a yeah that fades into nothing when she licks up one side of his v-line as her hands do quick work of his belt and zipper.

It feels like an eternity has to pass before she drags his pants and boxers down his legs and even then, her mouth is insistent on his inner thighs.

“You’re such a tease,” he groans when she finally moves her hand up his erection, gently pressing it down against his abdomen so that she can leave a kiss on his left ball.

She tries not to giggle, but she fails, and for a second her lips are pressing against his hipbone, her breathing cut off by the barely-contained laughter. “Yeah, I guess I learned from the best, then.”

He’s about to mouth her off when, instead of proceeding with her teasing, she licks a stripe up his dick, from base straight to tip, making sure to focus her attention on the vein on the underside of his erection. He breathes out of his nostrils and it’s noisy, almost strained as she presses a wet kiss to his head, right above the frenulum. Her tongue comes out, flattens against the underside of his head and licks up and over the glans, the tip of her tongue teasing his slit.

His hand tangles in her wet hair and pulls on the strands for a moment before he manages to relax again when she takes him in her mouth. She moans around him at the feeling. His abdomen tenses underneath her hand and when she takes him deeper into her mouth, she lightly scratches his skin. There’s a quick, light thrust up of his hips at the unexpected sensation, and it makes her gag for a moment around him before she pulls up again.

“Relax,” she whispers against him, lips pressed against the side of his tip as her hand slowly moves up and down.

Payback, her grin tells him when he opens his eyes to look at her.

He knows better than to put pressure on her, so he fully relaxes back and as he does so, the movement of his hand pushes the pile of papers and most of it slips to the floor.

She shushes him when he complains with a groan and instead of expressing her tired opinion about a plan they already know better than the back of their hand, she presses her lips against his glans once more. “There’s just us,” she hums against him before taking him in her mouth.

This time she doesn’t stop and although her mouth focuses on the upper part of his erection, her hand works the rest of it. It’s slobbery and messy, her movements are poorly coordinated, but she has plans for tonight and may she be damned if she doesn’t see them through.

The muscles in Richie’s thighs tense the closer he gets to orgasm and with her alternating between taking him in her mouth and suckling on his head and its rim and frenulum, she knows it won’t be long before he does come.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he groans, both of his hands now on her head, undecided between pulling her up and pushing her down deeper, fingers tangling in her hair anyway.

His hips roll up even though she tries to keep them down and before he can call her name again, he comes on her tongue, breath cut short in the back of his throat as she suckles on him.

One hand resting right above his raging heart, she’s pressing kisses to his chest when he comes back to reality and opens his eyes.

“You are a fucking tease,” he chuckles, breathless, arms spread wide like some eagle.

“It’ll make you think twice next time before you decide to waste time on something you know by heart.” The look on her face is playful, though, and it makes him smile. “You can always give me payback now. The night is not over yet.”

She quickly pulls away with a chuckle when he tries to pin her down against his body but she has no time to warn him to watch out: with his pants still bunched around his ankles, he trips forward with the first step he takes.

*

“What the hell happened to your face?” is the first thing that leaves Seth’s mouth when he hops into the car.

Y/N is sitting in the middle of the backseat and has to contain the sudden burst of laughter threatening to make an appearance at those words. She’s careful not to look in the rearview mirror because she knows that if she meets Richie’s eyes, she’s not going to be able to keep a cool façade. Her heart always squeezes a bit every time she sees his swollen face and the yellow underneath his eyes, and the cast on his nose still makes her wish she had fully taken off his pants five days ago. But the memory of his fall still makes her laugh at times, and Richie is still too proud to see that accident in a playful light.

“Oh, well, it got a little rough between me and Y/N,” he smirks. “If you get the drift.”

But then, at that answer, Seth turns around to look at her with a face that’s both a what the fuck? and a what’s the truth? and there’s no stopping her from cackling.

“Yeah, right,” she laughs. “More like between him and the floor.”

dude i’m sorry

[ Original pic used for the banner: https://www.pexels.com/it-it/foto/amore-estate-giardino-foglia-4843330/ ]

TAGS (to be added to or to be removed from any list, shoot me an ASK)

Everything: @idhrenniel @saibh29 @fuckthatfeeling @aya-fay @pebblesz892  @mblaqgi​ @becs-bunker​

People that might be interested: @kind-wolf​

Suptober Day 22 - But I Know That I Love You So

Well, this is it - the last one I managed to finish both art and fic for during the month of October, and it’s at a pretty good stopping point. There are 2 others where the fic is done but not the art, and two additional ones in the planning stages, all which will be released when they’re done. The Masterpost will be published tomorrow, and then updated with AO3 tags as they’re posted there.

Please forgive this last one - I’m still learning to draw people and not that great at it. That’s why there were so many inanimate objects, still life, and hands HAHA. Something to get better at for next year! 

So, I hope you enjoy this last installment! Thanks again to @winchester-reload for hosting this challenge again, and I look forward to having the time now to check out everyone else’s amazing work! You’re ALL ROCK STARS.

Overall Title: The Road Less Traveled

Overall Rating: Mature (may change to Explicit, we’ll see how it goes)

Tags: Castiel/Dean, mention of Sam/Eileen, Post-Season 15, ExAngel!Cas, MostlyRetiredHunter!Dean, Road Trip

(Note: all ficlets are unbeta’d. At the end of the month, I’ll wrap up whatever I manage to get written, clean it up, get it beta’d, and post to AO3. So please pardon any mistakes!)

========================================================

CHAPTER THIRTEEN - BUT I KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU SO

Words: 1797

“Baby, we need to talk,” 

Dean’s eyes bore into his, earnest, wide with concern and not a small amount of fear.

A small thread of worry wormed its way around his heart from that statement, the look in his eyes. But the increasing amount of shivering he feels through their clasped hands is far more of a problem at the moment. 

“Yes, of course… but Dean, you’re shivering.” He gently disengages a hand from Dean’s, using the other to pull him towards the bathroom and the shower there. 

“Cas, I… “ Dean starts but cuts himself off as Cas pulls the shower door back to turn on the water. “W-what’s g-g-going on?” 

Cas pivots back to Dean, quickly stripping him of his wet clothes, Dean’s shivering increasing. The clothes are tossed in the corner, and he turns again to check the temperature of the water, which is starting to steam up the mirror over the sink. Turning it down a little so as to not scald him, he urges Dean into the shower. 

“You need to warm up or you’ll catch a cold,” Castiel says, gently pushing him under the spray, and begins to close the shower door when Dean’s hand grasps his wrist.

“Cas, g-get in h-here with me, you’re w-w-wet too.” 

Dean does have a point, Castiel notices, looking down at his own dripping clothes beginning to form a pool of water beneath him, his own shivers amplifying. He eyes the tiny tub, the showerhead just barely reaching the back of Dean’s neck and a mere few feet of room left. “The shower is too small for both of us.” He does begin to remove his sodden clothing, however, tossing it in the corner of the bathroom to join Dean’s. He’ll have to hang them up after their showers in hopes they’ll be dry enough to pack in the morning. “The steam from the shower will warm me.” He closes the bathroom door to trap even more of the warmth.

But Dean is nothing if not persistent. “Cas, c’mon, we’ll make it work.” The shower is having its desired effect, at least, as his voice is no longer shaking. The insistent tone gives way to one more pleading. “Please, Cas? I need to talk to you.” 

Castiel cannot deny him anything, especially when said in that tone of voice. He acquiesces, climbing into the shower, and is immediately pulled under the spray and into Dean’s arms.  

“There, much better, am I right?” 

It’s very hard to deny, the warmth of the water and Dean’s proximity chasing away his own shivering. He ducks to allow the water to run over his head, warming him fully before spinning Dean carefully around, urging his head under the water as well.

Dean sputters, pulling his head out from under the water. “Okay, okay, I’m good now.” He brushes the excess water from his face, then places a palm on Castiel’s shoulder, the other cupping his jaw, lifting his face to meet Dean’s eyes. The hint of concern is back, and the thread of worry around his heart pulls taut.

“Cas, we need to…” he pauses, closing his eyes briefly and taking a deep breath before continuing. “I need to talk to you about what I asked you the other day.” 

The thread of worry snaps and Castiel’s heart plummets into the pit forming in his stomach.

This is where his worst fears come true - where Dean confirms it was a mistake, that he didn’t mean to say those words, to ask that question. He pulls his gaze away from Dean’s, staring at the wall over his shoulder. 

At least any dampness that may appear on his cheeks can be explained away by the condensation from the shower. 

“I.. I understand, Dean. It’s quite alright,” he hears himself say, as from a great distance.

“No... no Cas, you don’t.” Dean’s voice all but vibrates with apprehension - of course; Dean does care for him, and he’s a kind person, not one to willingly inflict harm - “I meant every word.” 

Castiel blinks rapidly, not trusting his hearing. “Excuse me?” His eyes fall back on Dean’s, searching.

Dean’s eyes are open and honest, but he sighs morosely. “I meant every word… but God, how I wish it hadn’t come out like that.” He gives him a wan smile, his eyes falling away. “That was such a lame way to ask you.” 

Castiel’s head tilts in confusion. “I’m.. not sure what you mean?” 

Dean’s head is still lowered, but Castiel can still see the flush spreading across his cheeks, the embarrassment in his voice. “It should have been so much better… on my knees, presenting a ring… something other than just... “ He pauses with a sigh, his shoulders shrugging. 

Castiel’s heart sprouts wings and soars, out of the pit of his stomach directly into his throat, where he has to choke out the words around it, fingers tilting Dean’s chin up to look into those beautiful green eyes he loves so much. “Dean, no.  it was honest and perfect.” 

Those green eyes, dark with dread, begin to lighten. “But… you haven’t said anything since then…” 

It was Castiel’s turn to look down, ashamed. “I was afraid to mention it… for fear it was an accident.” He swallows, hard. “I wanted to keep on believing it was true for as long as possible.” 

Dean’s bright laughter startles him, and he jerks his head up in alarm. Dean’s eyes are dancing, lips spread in a grin full of delight. “Boy, we are just a couple of dumbasses, aren’t we?” Before Castiel can agree, Dean is on him, pressing him into the wall of the shower with a crushing, urgent kiss.

A sound bubbles up in Castiel’s chest and escapes around Dean’s lips on his own - a small sob of relief and gratitude. His hands scrabble at Dean’s shoulders, attempting to gain further purchase there, to bring him even closer. 

Dean breaks the kiss and his head falls to Castiel’s shoulder, where soon he feels dampness there, warmer than the cooling shower water pouring on them. He gently pulls Dean’s head up to look into his face. 

Dean’s eyes glow in the fluorescent light, bright with unshed tears. His hands capture the sides of Castiel’s face, thumbs sweeping gently over his cheeks.

“God, I love you so much, Cas,” he whispers, his voice choked with emotion. Then he shivers as the rest of the hot water runs out, the temperature dropping rapidly. “C’mon, we’re gonna freeze again.” His hand drops from Castiel’s face to his hand, spinning around to turn off the shower water and open the shower door to retrieve towels from the rack above the toilet, handing one to Castiel.

It becomes quickly apparent that the shower is far too small for both of them to be able to dry off there, so with an exaggerated shiver, Dean hops out of the shower and begins to rapidly dry off, Castiel following suit within the shower tub. When they’re both dry, Dean offers his hand to Castiel, drawing him out of the shower and into the room proper. He makes his way to the duffle bag by the door and fetches out two pairs of sweats, stepping into one pair before helping Castiel into the other. He then snatches the Impala keys from the nightstand and turns for the door. 

“I’ll be right back. I have an idea.” He opens the door and darts out into the rain. 

Castiel sighs and heads to fetch another towel from the bathroom.

The door bursts back open, an only slightly damp Dean re-entering with something clutched in his clenched fist. He closes the door behind him and approaches Castiel with firm footsteps. 

His hand opens and Castiel sees a ring there, hanging on a chain. “Is that… is that the ring you used to wear?” Castiel squints at the ring, beat up and scratched from all the beer bottle caps scraped against it.

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, I stopped wearing it a long time ago… it was the apocalypse and all, and I didn’t want to lose it, so I wore it around my neck for a bit, but it kept popping up and smacking me in the teeth whenever I bent over, so I put it in the glove box.” Dean’s eyes take on a far-away look, a sad smile on his face. “It was originally Mom’s - Dad gave it to her as a sorta promise ring when they first started dating, and of course she stopped wearing it when he got her a proper engagement ring.” He pries open the clasp of the necklace laced through it, his hands shaking, and pulls the ring free from it. 

Castiel’s breath catches as Dean falls to his knees in front of him for the second time this day, the ring presented to him, pinched between Dean’s thumb and forefinger.

“Cas,” the words coming so softly Castiel has trouble hearing them over the pounding of the rain on the roof of the motel. “Castiel,” Dean repeats, his voice strengthening with conviction, his eyes cast upwards, hope and love shining in them. 

“Will you make me the happiest guy alive and marry me?”

Castiel’s shaking knees give out and he falls to his knees in front of Dean, leaning forward to kiss him, wild and breathless. 

“Yes,” he says, kissing his forehead.

“Yes,” he says again, kissing his eyelid, and “yes” again when kissing the other.

Dean is laughing now, the sound filling the room with joy as Castiel continues to kiss him many more times, punctuating each with a heartfelt “Yes.” 

Dean finally stops him, mirth dancing in his eyes. “Okay, I get it, I get it!” He grabs Castiel’s hand. “Can I put this damned thing on you now before I just drop it and ravish you?” 

Castiel nods, his voice flown away with his heart, and Dean slips the ring on his finger.

Dean holds Castiel’s hand for a second longer, tilting it back and forth as the ring catches the light and bounces reflections around the room. 

“Thank you, Cas,” he whispers, then raises Castiel’s hand to his lips, kissing the ring there.

Castiel’s other hand raises to Dean’s face, tilting his head up.

“I felt the coldness of my winter, I never thought it would ever go. I cursed the gloom that set upon us, but I know that I love you so.”

Dean’s eyes squint. “Did you just quote ‘The Rain Song’ to me?”

Castiel smiles, remembering the first time he heard the song on the cassette Dean had made for him.

“You quoted it to me first.” 

They fall silent, content, and listen as the rain continues to fall, pattering on the roof.