You can’t just call the “don’t stop me now” essay writing method the second worst essay method you’ve heard of and not tell us the story of the worst one 👀
i know a guy whose patented essay writing method is to, on the eve of the due date, set an alarm so early it should count as an atrocity, open an empty word doc on his computer and then placing it on his bed,
he then goes to sleep, presumably after drinking a full can of coke, as his immunity to caffeine, adderall, and the general life choices about to be described prove that (1) this man almost certainly is a colossal case of adhd and (2) that is the least of what's wrong with him
when the alarm goes off he immediately starts typing into the word document whilst in a sleep adjacent fugue state. once he hits the required word count, he turns over and goes back to sleep, without ever having fully woken up
he awakens in the morning with however many pages of essay typed up and ready to submit, with no memory of what content is actually contained, as if he'd been visited by santa or a mystical essay delivering fairy or a demon that engaged in a brief bout of possession and then peaced out after rightfully deducing that inhabitation of this particular body and its life was a task said demon was not equal to, nor would continuation of this possession constitute as a desirable state
all of this so that he can have the benefits of an essay, whilst completely avoiding a mental state in which he is at any point fully present in experiencing the pain of writing an essay.
This man is now in graduate school.
Small Town Grocery Store Stories: LGBTQ+ friendly edition
Me: minding my own damn business in the grocery store
One of my students and a few of his teammates enter the dairy aisle.
My student is holding hands with one of his teammates.
My student: Oh hey, Professor X!
Me, who has both my student and his girlfriend in my class: ...Hello
My student, looking at his hand-holding partner: Oh! Don’t worry. My girlfriend knows. Not that I’m cheating! I’m not cheating. I’m not gay.
Hand Holding boy: Not that being gay is a bad thing! It’s a good thing!
My student: Right! But no, listen. We aren’t together, we just hold hands in public sometimes.
Hand Holding Boy: Especially on Friday nights. And weekends. And at away games.
My student: Because sometimes people will say shit and then we can fight them! And if the fight started because someone was being homophobic, coach won’t get mad at us.
Hand Holding Boy: Always nice to threaten a homophobe. And [gesturing to another boy in the group] maybe they’ll think twice about saying something to [other boy’s name] if he ever gets a boyfriend and wants to hold his hand for real.
The Gay One, resigned but smiling: I’ve decided it’s sweet and not really fucking weird.
Humans are weird : illusion of sound.
I'm pretty sure everyone here has at least experienced hearing sounds that aren't there. like someone calling your name or a distinct sound of your door opening.
now, I'm not sure if animals has this as well but i would assume no because of their prey and predator instinct. they cannot afford to have illusions of sounds because that is where they hear where their predator/prey is.
so lets assume only humans have this. We hear people call our names when they really didn't is like a body reaction when your parents call you and then waits for you to come down only speak.
ngl i hate it very much
so how would aliens react to this?
just a random day where the group of maaktraks got a new human crew member! they were very excited and made loads of preparations for the human!
the human officially joined the crew about a few days ago, but something is off about this human. We have made sure that they have no mentality problems we have to take note of, but it seems like the human will randomly scream a word that apparently according to the human guide book a sign of aggression especially with the tone he uses.
now we don't understand said problem, so we reach out to the captain to address this worrying condition.
"oh? the human seems fine to me, pretty hard working too."
"yes, captain. but it just sometimes the human will make noise of anger ad frustration after yelling the word "what" and its getting very worrying. do you think we need to ask the humans what's wrong?"
"the guide book does say that if we were to speak to the human and address problems is better than being on the sidelines, so i guess i will leave this matter to you."
during lunch time, the crew voted that i, xinederlk will be the one asking. what a great day.
im terrified, it had only been a few days since the human arrived, we do not know if this human is calm or the aggression type. looking at the frustrated yells, i would assume the aggression type, but the human guidebook said that each and every human is unique and that we do not judge the human by its first appearance.
i approached the human
"hello human Adam?"
"? oh hello there team leader! what brings you here to the human cafeteria?"
"well, me and me crew has something to ask actually."
"oh? is it about the rear engine? don't worry about it, staklorn has fixed it a while ago."
"no no none of that dear human Adam"
"then what's the issue?"
Human Adam seems to be in a much more serious tone now, maybe that proves his professionality in task taking fields. humans are known to multitask after all.
" well, Human Adam sometimes yell the word "what" even when nothing is going on. and the crew and i are worried that there may be something upsetting you or making you say those words with frustration?"
"eh? frustration? you guys can know my feelings upon hearing my tone of voice?"
"that seems to be in our ability"
"man... well to say eh problem isn't actually any of the crew or ships fault."
"then what is causing this frustration?"
"its just that..i grew up in a strict home alright? My parents would call me and then never answer me until i am in front of them. that gets me very frustrated because something that could've been communicated through voice easily now needs to walk down stairs and look my parents in the face before telling me to clean my room."
"so now that I've grown up, my body is toggled to hear said sounds with no response because of the habit of my parents putting it on me since young. so I'm very sorry for the inconvenience"
that day xinederlk learned a lot about strict parenting
Scary story about a river incident
This is going to be a scary and upsetting story, and talk about a male predator, so be warned if you’re not feeling up to these topics!
So the year is 2016, and I’ve just recently moved into the city, and discovered that if you walk very far into the fields outside, you will eventually reach a meeting place of two rivers, and witness gorgeous waterfalls. It took 40 minutes to walk there, so not a lot of people knew about this place or went there. Most of the times I would go, it was a private little field trip, and the water just before the waterfalls was incredibly deep and perfect for swimming.
I was there in the water one day in the late summer. It was getting late, but the sun was still reaching the last rays of light into the water, and I have found a neat little place on the other side of the river with sand, rocks and shells. I was having the time of my life diving under, finding pretty shells and rocks and stashing them for my treasured collection.
At some point, another person arrived to the river, from the same side as I did, but different access point. I wasn’t bothered by it, my things were hidden well, sometimes young people would come and play in the river, they usually never bothered me, so I disregarded this and kept playing with my shells.
I hadn’t realized it was a male person, and I haven’t realized that he took into the water and started swimming directly towards me, until he was already only a few feet away. He was old, but he was strong. He looked 60-ish, but his body was double my size. He was swimming fast. I was at that point, 26, but I looked younger. I had struggled to eat enough and I was underweight. I had nothing on this guy.
Before I could gather myself, he was reaching his arms around me; I was in a neat little corner with rocks behind me, and he was reaching one arm on the rock, and other around me, his goal was to trap me between the rocks and his body. I didn’t have more than a second to realize what’s going on, and guided by instinct, I dove underwater before he was able to trap me, and swam to the direction of my access point, at the other side of the river.
At that point I was practicing swimming, and I was fast, but he could probably outswim me. He hadn’t tried though. I think he was in a bit of a shock that I ran away so immediately, and he couldn’t see where I went because I kept underwater for as long as I could. When i was already halfway to the shore,my head visible, he yelled after me: “I WAS JUST TRYING TO ASK HOW THIS WATERFALL LOOKED BEFORE THE WAR!!!”
I was absolutely outraged he would, after sending me running with intense predatory behaviour, still try to play it off as ‘you’re rude for assuming, I was attempting to engage in polite conversation here’, so I screamed back: “I. WASN’T. ALIVE BACK THEN!”
That should make it clear I’m not falling for his blatant gaslighting and point out how insanely inappropriate he is, I thought. But the truth was, I was traumatized to the point where I didn’t feel safe ignoring someone yelling at me. I swam to my stuff, and at that point, he was still at the same place he attacked me, so I thought, okay, he knows now I don’t want him anywhere close and that he’s being inappropriate, he’s on the other side of the river, he can’t approach me fast, I should be safe. So I sat down. I was wrong. He saw me sit, and started swimming towards me.
I was, once again, appalled. But also scared. I grabbed my stuff and without pausing to dress, started running away. He again yelled after me in another attempt ‘MAYBE YOUR PARENTS KNOW’ and I shouted back running ‘THEN ASK THEM!!!’ as if it was not absolutely insane that I was being talked down to while running away from a predator.
It was then I realized how unsafe it was to be 40 minutes away from civilization, while alone with a predator, next to a river. I needed to get back to the city fast, where this guy wouldn’t be able to openly chase me without anyone seeing it. I ran thru a grassy field, feeling uncomfortable, but sure that this would completely save me, because he was still swimming, and I was sure I could run very fast, and there’s no way he would still try to go after me after I escaped him twice.
Then, the unthinkable happened. He got into his car and chased me with a vehicle.
I didn’t even notice he had a car on his access point. I had only realized it when the car lights appeared on the trail behind me. It was twilight, and the night was falling fast. I was uncomfortably visible on the grass field, and I ran as fast as I could, because, I knew after this field, there was a turn, and I’d be invisible for a bit, and the turn led around a corn field, and corn field was a place I could hide in.
I ran into the corn field absolutely terrified, made sure I was out of sight and hidden, crouched down so I would be completely invisible, and then stayed still. Waiting. His car lit the road, and I could see him going, he passed me, and he reached the middle of the field, and then, he stopped. He must have realized that he should have already ran into me, and since he didn’t, he knew I was behind him. I didn’t see if he got out of the car. I didn’t move. I knew if I made a sound, if he saw some corn move, I’d be located instantly. I crouched and waited.
I couldn’t tell you for how long that car was standing there. Probably 5-10 minutes. You can imagine it felt longer to a woman hiding in a corn field. But, I wasn’t found. And eventually, the car started moving again. It went away. I didn’t move. I stayed where I was, for I don’t remember how long. I needed to be sure. Once I peeked out to the road, I looked for any sign of light. It wasn’t there. I tentatively walked to the edge of the field, where I could see more of the road. Nothing. It was all empty. There was nobody there anymore. I was safe.
You’d imagine I went home that night feeling shaken, scared, anxious and upset, but you’d be wrong. I was beside myself with joy. This was my first time, ever, that I was chased by a violent man attempting to harm me, and got away! I was at that point, victimized by 20+ years of violence behind closed doors, and I would never, never manage to get away from it, regardless of running, because the predator was a family member, and convinced me that he had a claim on abusing me, but this? It was a predator in nature, and the nature was my turf, I knew how to get around there, and my instincts had served me so well, and I listened to them properly, and just because I was so quick to get away, the predator was stumped enough to not be able to catch me! I was then, sure that alone in the wild, I was untouchable, invincible, safe from any harm. Ah, to be young and fearless.
In retrospect, I’m now getting cold chills realizing how close I was form being a corpse in the river. The corn field was the only thing that saved me. if it had been any other time of the year, and the corn wasn’t as tall and as perfect of a hiding place, I’d have been painfully visible on those fields. I would have had to attempt to hide in the grass.
Of course, 26yo me came back to the waterfalls a week later, convinced it was a ‘one-time-predator-thing’ and luckily I never again ran into that guy, I did have another close call with another dude, but it was less scary, with less running involved. I still do visit the waterfalls but less often, as I found swimming places that are closer by. This was, by far, my most dangerous encounter with a predator, tho I had about 5 more happen thru my life, and successfully got away from them all. The danger of violence towards women in public is generally much more rare because m*n usually go for women they feel they have the claim to, and who can’t get away, like daughters, wives, cousins, sisters, mothers. That kind of abuse is almost certain to get them no consequences. If they go after a woman they don’t know, it is possible a male family member would come after them, for attacking what they believe is theirs, so it’s a bit more of a risky bet. Except, of course, if you’re 40 minutes away from a living soul and next to a river, then the rules change a bit.
My perspective was that because this was a stranger, I was free to run, where as in my family, running was sure to be punished with worse violence, and I was conditioned not to even attempt it. So even just running away, scary as it was, felt freeing for me. I didn’t have any pride left so jumping into ‘prey animal’ mode to protect myself from abuse was just, a situation that would come up sometimes. I didn’t yet think of it as a proof that I’m not living in a humane society, and that obviously I wasn’t equal to half of it, for they would always be a predatory threat to me.
It strikes me still how much this predator aimed at my socialization to stop me from running, trying to talk me out of my instincts, implying I was rude for assuming anything, trying to shame me for running, while he also blatantly chased me with his car. I hope this can serve as a sign to never try to be polite or allow innocent assumptions for a male whose actions make you uncomfortable or threatened. I’d have been better not to reply, as it only gave him incentive to try to talk more, but alas, one cannot be perfect.
If you’re all worried about me, just remember I will be okay with my nature adventures and everything else risky I do, once I live in separatist space, away and protected, wielding the nature barriers between me and the males, safe from all predatory harm.