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sabh0 · 13 hours

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Is skk abusive? Other than the name calling and banter that I just don't take seriously, I've seen people say that Dazai is abusive since he planned for Chuuya to be tortured in stormbringer and didn't help because it would be boring, despite having the ability to do so. There's also the whole manipulating the sheep thing.

I've also seen people say that Chuuya is abusive because of how violent he is, how he punched Dazai to wake him up in Dead Apple and called him inhuman(? Ngl, I don't remember that part) and because Chuuya shot him more times than necessary in Meursault.

Personally, I struggle to see them as abusive r toxic, if only because of how much they trust and understand each other, and how they rile each other up for fun without letting it actually impact their relationship, but I may just be biased? What do you think?

Ok im just gonna say - dont take this post ad some 100% real wisdom or anything. It's just my personal opinion and it's definitely biased as well because of how much these two mean to me but yeah

I wouldn't call them abusive in relationship terms because all that banter and most of their fights are just, as u said it, unserious.

They're both fucked up a bit tho, so yeah there's definitely some toxic behaviours anyway.

Dazai manipulating Chuuya to join the sheep always made me real sad, but if you think about it more - Dazai knew The Sheep aren't any better for Chuuya. Plus if not like this, Mori would get Chuuya to join PM anyway in one way or another, since it was a plan from the beginning.

Dazai planned the whole 'helping Verlaine' thing to buy time so the PM forces could get ready to protect Mori and Chuuya later. That's mafia they're in - lives are not equal. Also Dazai wouldn't put Chuuya in danger he knew the other wouldn't be able to deal with. Either way, his whole yapping about wanting to see Chuuya being tortured is yet again that stupidly weird banter of theirs. After all, he's trying to find him and literally stop him from doing something he would regret. (Sab is trying to make some points but that still doesn't make whatever Dazai did something good. Just sayin. I just don't feel it's a black or white situation.)

I said it some time ago but lord, Chuuya is not abusive. Look, he knows when it's alright to fight Dazai and when he should stop himself not to hurt him. Even if they fight, he never does it seriously. Basement scene? He could've very well just punched Dazai without warning there. But instead he literally invited him to fight - and Dazai very much agreed to that sht with a smile on his lips. They're just very much not okay in the head on both sides. Later when Chuuya actually got angry, he himself threw his knife to the ground, which only shows he doesn't really have any intent of hurting Dazai seriously (In the manga. In the anime they changed it for whatever reason and he did strike him with the knife. But anime skk is just. Anime skk.).

That Dead Apple argument is so funny bc??? Chuuya was literally UNDER CORRUPTION AT THE TIME??? Corruption literally makes him lose control. He could kill a person with one touch. Instead??? Corruption Chuuya in dead apple somehow managed to hold himself back just enough not to actually hurt Dazai. Also, Dazai f knew he's gonna punch him anyway. I mean, bro kinda deserved it atp tbh /j

Cant really tell much about the shooting thing in Meursault - i stil have no f idea if these were even real, considering the fact Dazai is moving normally and there's no wounds/holes/blood visible on him or his clothes. These were probably just a play like the whole headshot thing?? (Tho dazai's scream and expression after that arm shot say otherwise),, really don't know, call it a better impression on Fyodor or Chuuya actually paying Dazai back for the other times

Ok so ,looks at all that sht i just wrote and tried to still excuse it somehow, I wouldn't call them abusive anyway just bc I've seen actual abusive relationships in real life and that's just uhh different in a way i cant really put my finger on,, there's some toxicity simply from the fact they're emotionally constipated and won't talk things thru like they should but,,, welp. Tbh i see most of their usual fighting as something unserious that both of em r okay with. Usually when they actually get into an argument about something it's because one actually got hurt by the other's words (for example that scene with Chuuya punching Dazai after he made jokes about Colonel's death). And they apologize without really apologizing, too (Dazai going to find Shibusawa and trying to take revenge on Colonel's death and later Chuuya going to rescue Dazai and saying to 'wait for him').

Unpopular opinion but i honestly feel that in the future they could very well form a normal, healthy relationship. They just really need to talk. Bickering and calling each other names for fun isn't imo really a form of abuse, when both sides know it's not meaning to hurt the other fr (if it was, then me and most of my friends would be fr abusing each other unfortunately) (and I don't feel abused even if we call each other names and say we hate each other, while watching cat reels together at the same time) (consider this some sibling-like stuff)

If nothing of whatever i just said makes sense, don't eat me please, it's just really hard for me to explain what i really think without being able to just talk for 5h straight while considering every ppint of view

#skk match each other's freak #and other ppl dont and that's why we keep having this conversation #sorry but you can't build a relationship with so much trust on abuse #LIKE AUGHH IDK IT'S NOT BLACK AND WHITE #there's so much to everything in their relationship it's really hard to answer 'yes or no' to this question #they're toxic but in a way that can easily be fixed #but i wouldn't say they're really abusive aughh idk #anyway i just googled 'is skk abusive' or smth to read some more opinions on the topic in case i missed smth #and immediately got a post sayjng #'yes skk is abusive. only dazai ship that is healthy is the one with odasaku'#and then i closed the page and thought to myself that maybe me being a bit biased isn't that bad #augh #sab q&a

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reputayswift · 6 months

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🫶

#bots are definitely a problem on the Taylor store #but I also see a bunch of Swifties on Twitter and tiktok mass buying items when they drop just to pick and choose what they’ll cancel #or buying multiples ‘for friends’ / ‘for giveaways’ / ‘for trades’ / ‘so the bots don’t get them’#like you’re severely limiting the number of Swifties that actually want that item from getting it by making yourself the middle man #also understand wanting cart timers but I keep seeing Swifties put stuff they admittedly don’t want in their cart ‘just to see if they can’#like that would cause new issues lol #it’s the merch team’s fault for leaning so heavily on scarcity marketing ik #makes me sad people are just buying buying buying instead of being able to think through a purchase #ESPECIALLY when the quality is so hit or miss #and I’ve seen threads where people have asked how everyone affords so much merch and like every other response is ‘credit card debt’#like please be joking 😩#it’s not that serious but it is a little concerning!

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i-literally-cant-with-this · 4 months

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A/N ::: This is mostly SFW with a few little NSFW's at the end. I'll put a cut there for those of you that don't wanna see that part.

Breakup HC's

SFW mostly

When you break up with Draken, he's a hot mess for a minute. He stops eating.

Starts sleeping anywhere but his bed because it still smells like you. Mikey's house. Takashi's couch. Anywhere he can catch a minute of peace and drift off into an unconscious bliss.

He can't look anywhere without seeing your face.

Can't listen to anything without hearing your sweet, pretty voice singing along.

He stops showering for a while.

Stops braiding his hair, settling for a top knot instead. It doesn't matter, anyway, if you're not there to play with it. He might even just shave the shit off. What's the point of having hair if no one is going to run their fingers through it while you’re watching a movie together or if they play with it while you’re out on a midnight bike ride/fun run.

Doesn't eat much anymore. Nothing tastes as good if you don't make it.

Quits watching tv. He seems to always find himself flipping through channels around the same time of the day (when your favorite shows were on).

Promises that he's going to wash all of his clothes "soon" to get the last remaining fibers of your being off of them.

Can't bring himself to change his sheets just yet, despite him avoiding them like the plague.

Doesn't bitch about how sad he is to many people. Just his really close friends. Mostly Takemichi because no one he knows is more in touch with their feelings than he is. Takemichi just gets it.

(NSFW-adjacent under the cut)

When he does shower, either from being able to smell himself or the guys literally dragging him kicking and screaming into his bathroom, he tries to but fails at jerking off. Thinking about your pretty mouth wrapped around the head of his cock. Licking and sucking on him. It just makes him more sad.

One of the guys would take him out one night to a stripclub. But not anyone that is close to him like Mikey, Mitsuya. They would understand the hurt he's feeling and probably respect that. For a little while, at least.

They'd buy him a lapdance with a stripper that looks the exact opposite of you to help him forget about you. But while she's shaking her bare ass in his face and rubbing her tits, making that slutty face at him trying to get a reaction, Draken can't even feel his dick twitch.

When Draken finally musters up enough ... life force (? cuz we all know that's what it takes sometimes to get off your ass after a bad break up) to do laundry, he fuckin' finds a pair of your panties. His favorites on you. There was nothing special about them. They were white cotton with lace around the waistband and tiny pink hearts scattered all around. He just always thought they were cute. Mikey walked in and yanked them from his hand and threw them in the toilet and flushed them.

"The fuck, Mikey!" Draken said. He was so worn out that he couldn't even find the energy to yell about it.

"You'll thank me later, Kenchin. You'll thank me later."

Taglist ::: @arlerts-angel @darkstarlight82 @ryuuc00chie

#draken headcanons #tokrev #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev x you #tokrev x you #tokrev x reader #tokyo rev x reader #draken #ken ryuguji #ryuguji ken

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tarotbyopal · 3 months

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Advice to help you manifest miracles

Hi lovey welcome to another PAC reading <3 thank you for being here an for supporting my work! I appreciate you all so much!

🫧Piles: 1-2-3

🫧Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Calm your breath and remove all of the thoughts from your mind. When you try to focus on the reading at hand which number or image comes to mind? That is your pile

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Pile 1 What you need to know

The sun

Pile 1 you need to know that although it may not seem like it at times you are heading in the right direction - slowly but surely. You will be able to bring this manifestation quicker to you if you stop stressing and instead focus on what is right in front of you. Try new things and enjoy some time in the sunshine this year, especially during spring. Go for a walk or take a book out and have a picnic by yourself. Fall back in love with life, this is something extremely important for you. To find joy in the little things. What makes you happy and what makes you grateful? Are you happy right now?

If you are currently procrastinating something - you are probably overcomplicating it. Pile 1 some of you may still be studying or you may be learning a new language. It’s ok to casually do this. The more you keep your head busy, the less likely you are to contradict your manifestation.

What you need to release

9 of cups

You may need to release what you think you want. It is likely that you are wanting to take big steps in your manifestation. This is ok to do if you don’t get stuck along the way (which I believe may be happening to you right now). For example you may have a new job as a manager assistant but instead of being happy you are sad because you are not the manager. Instead of viewing the situation in a negative light you need to see that you are closer than ever at being manager and that this will likely happen soon. Try to turn the negatives into positives right now. Success can come overnight, but it doesn’t have to. Going viral doesn’t mean anything if you are not prepared for it.

❥ Personal readings available via Ko-fi

Pile 2 What you need to know

The hierophant

It is time to question all beliefs and rules pile 2 and you are on the way to creating your own rules. It is important that whilst manifesting you do a thorough research on this topic, but this doesn't mean that you have to abide by everyone’s rules. There are no rules when it comes to manifestation - you create limitations for yourself. So be more aware of what limitations the teachers that you have chosen to follow have and how the limitations impact these people. Then try to decide on what it is that you want, what limitations are holding you back and how you can get around this. Pile 2 you guys are intelligent and studious - use this to your advantage now more than ever,

What you need to release

King of wands

Empowerment is not the same as domination. Be careful with your words and how you are making others feel now more than ever pile 2. Just because you are more aware of your power and limitation does not mean that you need to hang out with people who have the same belief, or that you need to change the beliefs of your friends. Focus on yourself and take inspired action when required. You may also need to be aware that you need to reel in your own expectations towards yourself and instead create little goals here and there. Have you ever tried to manifest a free cup of coffee? I have…it didn’t really work until a month later I found myself in a job where my boss buys me a cup of coffee everyday. Did I ever expect this? No! But here we are! Expect the unexpected pile 2 and be open to taking action.

❥ Personal readings available via Ko-fi

Pile 3 What you need to know

Ace of wands

Pile 3 you may either be new to manifestation or you are currently working on something new. What’s brewing? You are being asked to take a stance on your desire and your manifestation. It’s time to choose this. You need to do it. For some reason you may think that this is a bit risky - that you are closing off other options but if you truly wish for this thing to come to you, you need to choose it and be certain about it. When the time comes to make this choice though…it may be a bit dramatic?! It could be in front of people or something along those lines. But you ought to do it. There is a new beginning brewing for you so know that everything that you desire is not out of reach because if it wasn’t you wouldn’t be desiring it in the first place.

What you need to release

The magician in reverse Pile 3 the message is the same ahah you need to take a strong stance on things right now. Commit commit commit and stop making excuses. It is also a good time for you to reassert power over some parts of your life that may currently be out of control. Whether this is your work/life balance, your friendship, your relationship or your career. You are being asked to create stronger and healthier boundaries so that you can succeed. rekindle, realign, renew, replace, reflect. Once you do his everything will fall into place naturally. I promise.

❥ Personal readings available via Ko-fi

All the love xx

#pac readings #pacreading #pac reading #pac tarot #pac #pick a photo #pick a deck #pick a picture #pick a card reading #tarot card reading #tarot readings #tarot reading #tarot community #intuitive tarot reading #intuitive reading

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skygemspeaks · 9 months

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thoughts on episode 7 of opla!

given that arlong park is supposed to be the climax of the east blue saga, i'm a little tiny bit disappointed with how this episode played out, especially given how standout episode 6 was. some of the disappointment comes from me not liking some of the creative choices they made with it, but some of it is also just the limitations of the medium

emily rudd's performance of nami, especially during the scene where she's stabbing her arlong tattoo, was absolutely phenomenal. all the actors in this show have been doing such an awesome job so far, but at the end of the day, there's no way it can really stand up to the manga and anime versions of this same scene. oda is a masterful artist, and the way he's able to depict such raw despair and grief has always been one of my favourite things about his art. and one of the things about animation is that they're able to exaggerate certain expressions and body language to give more of an emotional impact, in a way that real humans can't really do, so i feel like in some ways, live action is always gonna fall short. so far the live action has been doing a good job of adapting the story in a way that plays to the medium's strengths, but i do feel like this was a rare L for them. and that's not to say the episode wasn't well done! because it really was. i think that in this case it suffers from having to try and live up to the source material.

i'm not sure how i feel about them having nojiko not knowing about nami's plans. i think one thing that i really liked about this arc in the manga was how all the villagers knew nami was trying to buy back the village, but they were being hostile to her because they knew how hard it was to do what she was doing, and if it ever got to be too much for her, they wanted her to be able to turn her back on them without feeling bad. they didn't want her to feel obligated to save them. that's neither here nor there though, and it did open up a chance for them to have a heartfelt conversation and make up.

i've seen some people upset that Hachi wasn't part of the arlong park arc, and i was a little sad we didn't get to see him too, but i do also think that it makes sense as a creative choice. so far when you look at the storytelling choices they've made with this series, a lot of their decisions seem to come from the mindset of "don't assume we're going to get more seasons, but lay down a bit of subtle groundwork just in case we do" and this seems to be one of those choices. in the event that we ever do make it to the sabaody archipelago, hachi is going to become a friend, and it's going to be easier to get the audience on his side if he wasn't one of the antagonists that was enslaving nami's village. in the event that we do get to sabaody, i'm assuming we're gonna get some flashbacks to nami's childhood when he WAS with arlong, but then he left before the canon timeline because he couldn't deal with how awful arlong is? i don't know, but that's just a guess. the manga had the leisure of slowly winning the audience over to his side by the simple fact that we were able to spend so much time with him, he was around for many chapters and we were slowly able to get attached. but the live action is going to have a much more limited run time, so we won't have the time to do it that way. this decision is just a bit of a shortcut. that's my reasoning at least

the flashbacks were well done! i like how sweet genzo seems, and bellemere's actress did a good job. she had big mom vibes. i am a bit surprised that they did actually show bellemere slapping nami. i would've thought they'd cut that out. glad they didn't though!

the prosthetics for the fishmen were AWESOME! i'm so so so glad they decided to go practical effects instead of doing it all with cgi, they look fantastic

i LOVE how they gave arlong park more of a waterpark/amusement park vibe. it calls back to the fact that it's heavily inspired by sabaody park, and that, paired with arlong being very defensive when he perceives that he's being looked down on by humans because he's a fishman, work together to show that all of arlong's behaviour is stemming from a place of hurt, and a lifetime of alienation.

i like seeing helmeppo and koby slowly becoming friends! i was really surprised when helmeppo bought a drink for koby, and then it was pretty funny when koby just couldn't help but blurt out that luffy is garp's grandson. they're growing to become pretty good partners

zeff and garp's conversation was good! loved the mention of jaya, and also i think the two of them make good parallels. both grand/parents to some upstart pirates - one of them trying desperately to cling on to his grandson, the other one having to practically push his son out of the nest. zeff tries to convince garp that sometimes you just gotta let go and let your kid tread his own path, but garp still isn't ready to hear that, and maybe he won't ever be ready to hear that.

#opla liveblog #opla spoilers #opla #one piece #monkey d garp #red leg zeff #sanji #monkey d luffy #nami #nojiko #bellemere #arlong #spoilers #op spoilers #koby #helmeppo #hatchan

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seraphsfire · 9 months

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Life situation & kitty update! Help me stay in Seattle instead of being forced to go to wyoming

Hello! I was able to make rent this month, but so far I cannot make rent for next month.

Ko-fi has been holding donations since paypal has been flagging them as "income" so that no longer works.

If you would like to help me out using paypal, the link is HERE. I will look into other venmo and cashapp. you can also reach out for a commission! If you donated via paypal and would like me to draw you a little something in thanks, please let me know!

I also put together an AMAZON WISH LIST , most is things for the kitties or food and some non-essentials / self care things for the hell of it that are things i haven't been able to buy myself for a while. Other than rent, kitty supplies and food are what I spend most $ on.

More on what I'm facing and what my kitties need:

about the kitties:

My sweet kitty Jade, needs a steroidal shot for her dermatitis. She should have gotten another one on the 25th, but I had no money to take her to the vet and she started ripping her fur out and made big, golf-ball sized spots completely bald on her armpit and chest :'( We put her on benadryl, moisturized her, and gave her a little jacket thing to help but I can tell she's really uncomfortable and really needs a vet visit to get that. it's $80 just to visit my vet and i'm sure the shot could be anywhere from 10-40 dollars, I really don't know. She's not in danger of pulling huge chunks of fur out thanks to the little jacket but she's really not happy and it makes me so sad.

About my situation (kind of long, sorry):

My Parents (mostly my mom; it's very hard to get responses from my dad) gave me rent money for September, but then made it clear that she will no longer help me financially under any circumstance if I want to "choose" to live in Seattle, then I'm essentially on my own. She doesn't want to give me money because she doesn't want ours to be a "transactional-based relationship" (after spending my entire childhood having them pressure me to move out on my own)

My dad is convinced that since Seattle is a city, it is very unsafe (and too full of Democrats) and that we would be safer living in their small town of Pavilion, Wyoming--which is literally just like, a few very spaced out neighborhoods. The nearest actual town is a 30 minute drive, and it's not very big either, and I don't drive. I would be snowed in *with them* for 4+ MONTHS every year, and every summer unable to leave the house for weeks because of the heat.

My dad has told my sister and I that if we choose to live right next to them, where they could have complete control over our lives, they would even buy us a house--but because we're not doing that, they refuse to support us in the life we've chosen for ourselves. They do not see the cruelty in this and think we are being nonsensical staying somewhere like Seattle which is "dangerous" and they do not like that it is full of non-republicans. I came out as queer in 2016, something which they have never spoken about since. I would likely be the only (out) queer person for MILES, and I don't feel like being the guinea pig for whether the anti-gay people there are the kind who ignore you or the kind who will hatecrime/kill you (:

Since I'd be at zero in my bank account in wyoming, they would have complete control over what I eat (not fun since I have a messed up digestion), clothes I buy, where I go, and how I behave just like they did when I was a child, or they'll start taking things away hoping that "tough love" will work. (it just made me mentally ill lol)

If I start a job in a week and a half I might be okay, but if I can't start until after that I won't have enough for October rent. I have one interview coming up but the future is still very up in the air.

#people in need #signal boost #haha im scared #thank u

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one-million-kruge · 10 months

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my six of crows hcs

I need to read Crooked Kingdom but I can't for at least another week and it's killing me so take this very self indulgent list

Kaz Brekker

-He finds it really hard to apologize so he literally buys a gazillion super expensive gifts for whichever Crow, refuses to elaborate, and walks away. Matthias is mystified by this.

-Kaz hates emotional attachments with people because he could easily lose them like he lost Jordie, so he made them with his cane and gloves instead.

-For a while as a coping mechanism, Kaz legitimately treated 'Rietveld' Kaz and 'Brekker' Kaz as two different people. When he was triggered by something or other he told himself it was Rietveld messing with him.

-He researched Saints so that he could know and understand Inej's religion, even though he had no obligation to. He also pretends he hates hearing her talking about it but just hearing the passion in her voice makes Kaz happy.

Inej Ghafa

-Similarly to Kaz, she has emotional attachments to her knives because after her time at the Menagerie it became really hard for her to trust people.

-Inej learned how to walk silently at the Menagerie because she needed to sneak around in order to get stuff she needed to survive, whether it be food or something to stitch herself up with.

-She enjoys being on the sea because it gives her a sense of freedom similar to how acrobatics made her feel.

-Inej has never once pitied Kaz, just felt anger for what others (*cough cough* pekka rollins) had done to him. Every time she sees him panic she feels a mixture of sadness and pure rage.

Jesper Fahey

-Jesper has a diary because he feels emotions in a very big way and he needs some way to get them out. He hides it under his bed and let me tell you it is bright pink.

-When he is stressed (often) he plays with his guns. Like, safety on, but he flips them around in his hands and whatever because it reminds him of his mother and her memory makes him feel safe.

-When on heists, Jesper legit takes any opportunity to wear high heels. There is no need to. The Crows make fun of him for it. He does not care.

-Jesper is typically very fidgety but whenever he's near Wylan he's just automatically much calmer. Wylan is like Milo for his stress but better. It's even better when he's touching Wylan in some way, shape, or form.

Wylan Van Eck

-If Wylan hears a phrase or saying or something of the like that he thinks is nice or cool, he writes it in musical notes (similarly to how he labels chemicals and such) and tacks it up on a wall or something.

-When he was younger and his father would use horrible tactics to try and get him to be able to read, he just took it and assumed it was normal because he didn't have a frame of reference (not being able to read books or make friends very well). Some days he felt he deserved it.

-Wylan loves symbolic art because it's a way for him to take in a story without having to read it. He loves making up interpretations of symbolic paintings and connecting unrelated ones into a continuous story.

-He is really not assertive at all and finds it hard to read the room, so Wylan always asks Jesper before he does anything affectionate. He sometimes gets embarrassed about it, but Jesper always reassures him that it's very cute and sexy of him.

Nina Zenik

-Nina is bisexual (canon) and in terms of her preferences she finds women to be hotter, but she loves men beyond physical attraction more often. Whenever people try to tell her that she's straight because of that she either punches them or knocks them out for a few minutes depending on how she's feeling that day.

-Nina loves fucking with people by speaking a language to them that they don't speak and then gaslighting them into thinking that she was speaking the language they do speak.

-She is like the #1 hype squad for Inej, and it's literally the only thing that Kaz and her can agree on. They literally get into compliment battles but they're complimenting Inej.

-Nina finds it hilarious how actually innocent Matthias is, so sometimes when they speak, she makes progressively more lewd innuendos to see how long it takes for him to catch on.

Matthias Helvar

-Matthias is super gullible and will believe almost anything someone tells him unless it is far too outlandish to be true. The rest of the Crows (bar Inej and Wylan) use this to their advantage often.

-Back when he hunted Grisha, everyone else said he was most definitely the least likely to become a traitor but also the most likely to be the nicest to the Grisha. Guess where they were wrong.

-Matthias tries his best to be mischievous and absolutely fails every time. He just feels bad about it and so he immediately apologizes even though all of his "mischief" isn't even that bad.

-Whenever Nina needs anything, Matthias will immediately do it/get it for her. Whether it's getting a book off of a shelf that she can't quite reach or committing homicide, he is always ready and willing.

#ugh i love them so much #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kanej #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wesper #nina zenik #matthias helvar #helnik #six of crows #soc #grishaverse #headcanon #i seriously need to read crooked kingdom.#not on this list but jesper and nina would be the biggest swifties #and kaz would know every lyric to every song purely because jesper would listen to her so much #rambles #six of crows headcanons

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ceasarslegion · 9 months

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Ive made my stance on oppenheimer discourse very clear but one detail of it that really bothers me is the "movies about sad white men are always bad" attitude, and i didnt really know why until i was able to sit down and parse it out.

Here's the thing. I have a film degree, I've spent more time in movie theaters than I have sleeping and I've easily seen more films and shows than all of my peers combined. Which isn't a flex btw, I'm a little hermit who prefers the warm embrace of a cinema seat to human connection and is the most annoying mfer imaginable during family movie night; don't be like me.

But I know hollywood, I know cinema history, and I know the legitimate frustration this attitude comes from. Hollywood doesn't like to take risks, they have to historically be dragged kicking and screaming into any territory that isn't a guaranteed profit, which usually means that we get periods of stagnation where every film is the same goddamn formula over and over again until audiences get sick of it and stop buying tickets en masse. Hollywood also tends to reflect the dominant culture and the sociopolitical issues of the time, but not SOOO much that you'd rock the boat. As an exec, you wanna hit that sweet spot where audiences relate to your films without them being so blatant that they'd cause them to question things that weren't acceptable to question. Noir was a picture-perfect example of that.

And in the modern day, that DOES tend to translate into the weird genre of Sad White Man Who Regrets Killing Foreigners movies. Like American Sniper. But I've seen American Sniper, so I can speak on how lowkey disturbing I found it, and the history it's based in and the goals it had as an art piece were to make you sympathize with a system of corruption. And here's my unpopular opinion: if done RIGHT, those films still have a place within the cinematic sphere of influence, like if you made a film exploring the psyche and experiences of what leads a man to willingly participate in a system like that, but that's not really what it was.

Now let's move onto Oppenheimer and other films like it. I don't think these films are at ALL equivalent to films like American Sniper, even if they follow a sad white man who regrets killing foreigners. You are looking at the bare bones surface level of it and assuming its contents both real world and dramatized and judging it based on that instead of the, well, actual film.

One of the biggest differences here is that Oppenheimer WAS an important historical figure just, objectively. Even removing all western racial influence from the equation, you can not look me in the eyes and tell me that the man who invented the atomic bomb in the middle of the largest world war of modern history was not an important historical figure. If you try to make THAT argument just based on the sad white man-ness of him, I'm sorry but your point is already moot, because it's not based in historical fact anymore but your own personal subjective feelings. He IS an important historical figure, he's not soldier number 648 in the middle of a massive battlefield who followed other peoples orders.

And also to be completely honest, you are a huge fucking liar if you try to claim that people like Dr. Oppenheimer are not interesting. Flawed people who make flawed decisions with complicated variables are what make for good fiction, so when one exists in the historical record, of course they are going to interest people. They are going to be studied and interviewed if they're still alive and have their entire lives and every word they said picked apart and analyzed because they are interesting. You are straight up lying if you try to act like these people arent interesting enough on their own to have media made about them, regardless of what identity they had that fits into the opposing side of the 21st centure culture wars. This attitude reminds me a lot of the people who claim that the only reason anybody could find true crime interesting is because they MUST want to fuck jeffrey dahmer or whatever. The argument just doesnt hold up because all it takes is one person going "thats not what i find interesting about them" to collapse that entire absolutist argument.

So yes, hollywood absolutely has a racism and war glorification issue. But I take issue when these accusations are just made blindly against any historical dramatization based on nothing but the poster. If you're going to talk about hollywoods sad white men issue, at least make sure the films youre citing actually fit that bill AND that you actually understand whats WRONG with those sad white men movies, because its not just the presence of a sad white male protagonist, its a conglomerate of various sociopolitical issues that must be present within those characters and what they represent.

#some thoughts #oppenheimer

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nogenderbee · 1 year

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Hey op!!! Could i request the girls from ddlc trying to cheer up gn!reader bc they had a bad day or smth?

Your writings so cute i hope you have a great day!

Omg yes of course! Also thank you so much, I'm really glad you like my writing. And I'm so happy to see someone requesting from DDLC so I hope you enjoy this just as much as I enjoyed writing it ^^

DDLC girls comforting MC after a bad day

⊱ Satori quickly picked on that you're feeling down this day

⊱ you can try to hide the fact that you had bad day as best as you can and she still will figure it out

⊱ she still asks you if something is wrong to make sure that she's thinking right but even if you say 'yes', she won't believe you

⊱ she'll try to say some stuff or jokes that might cheer you up a little

⊱ she'll also try to stay by your side so she can always comfort you physically and so she can see any mood changes

⊱ if she won't be able to cheer you up untill the end of the day, she'll invite you on sleepover at her place in hopes that it'll work

⊱ she knows how it is when people care about you and that it may be too much so she tries to be sneak with it but she fails... her tries on cheering you up are actually pretty obvious

⊱ she definitely enters some shop on your way to buy some snacks for both of you because what's better way to cheer up than some sweets?!

"Hey, YN! How about you come to my place and we have a cozy little sleepover? We can get some snacks on the way and watch a movie!"

⊱ Natsuki actually is someone who picks on your mood sooner or later, she notices it when you act different or when you're not as energetic as usual

⊱ she'll ask you if everything is alright but if you day 'yes', she'll leave it at that even if she don't necessarily believe it

⊱ if you admit that you don't feel as well tho and you actually had a pretty bad day, she'll do her best to cheer you up

⊱ she's not the best at cheering up someone with words so expect her to do it with her actions, although she definitely is less tsundere to you and acts a lot nicer than usual to not make your day even worse

⊱ if you're at your place, she'll bake you some of your favorite sweets

⊱ if you're at the club or school in general, she'll share with you her most precious manga

⊱ she's being so tsundere about everything tho, both of you may know that she's doing it because she's worried but it doesn't seem to stop her from saying that she's just doing it because your mood is making her mood go down too

"It's not because I'm worried! It's just... when you're sad it gets on me too! B-But not in like a caring way!!!"

⊱ Yuri is the type of someone who can tell that you're in worse mood just by being around you, it's like she can feel that something is wrong

⊱ she doesn't ask you immediately about it tho, instead she'll silently observe you and try to figure out what's wrong

⊱ it's when it passed a really long time and she still couldn't figure it out that she asked you what's wrong

⊱ she won't believe you if you say that 'everything is alright' but she certainly will act like she did to not worry you or to not trouble you too much

⊱ if you just straight up admit that you had a bad day, she'll panic at first but she quickly overcomes her shines and gives you the best comforting words you could ask for

⊱ she doesn't initiate any physical contact, she only uses her words to comfort you, but if you're in some public place, she'll first drag you somewhere more private so she can give you best comfort she can

⊱ she probably will also invite you on some library or cafe hangout in hopes that it'll calm you down

"YN, please don't worry. I promise everything will turn out just nice. It's alright to have a bad day, but don't give up on it just yet."

⊱ Monika definitely noticed that you're feeling down the moment you two met today

⊱ she doesn't waste any time but she's being a little secretive with it asking 'how was your day?' or 'did something happened today?'

⊱ if she still won't get any answer that would explain to her your bad mood, she'll straight up ask you 'why are you so sad today?'

⊱ if you lie, she won't believe it and will keep asking you but not too much to not annoy you or make you uncomfortable

⊱ if you tell her that you had s bad day, she'll immediately wrap her arms around you or hold your hands while telling you some comforting words

⊱ if you're free today, she'll also invite you on a date to your favorite place hoping that it'll make you feel better

⊱ if needed, she'll gladly spend her whole day with you and even have a little sleepover if that's what will make you feel better

"Hey, I have idea! Why won't we go to that place we really like after classes? Maybe that will ease your mind a little."

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

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c-rowlesdraws · 10 months

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so... many months ago, I drew some characters to try to sell as adoptables, with the encouragement and support of friends more familiar with the adoptables community than me... but I haven't been able to actually pull the trigger on auctioning them off. I don't know why-- it might certainly be a good way to make money, and other artists have great success with selling adoptables-- but I think part of my hesitancy is that I don't like the idea of selling a design to another person and never (according to the adoptables honor system as I understand it) being able to draw that character myself again. That makes me feel a little sad.

I also don't really like the idea of a buyer maybe never doing much with the design, and it just sort of gathering digital dust forever after money changes hands. I know many people who buy adoptables go on to roleplay with them, commission more artwork of them, and other things... but I've also seen toyhou.se accounts that look less like a collection of played-with, living characters and more like the big plastic tub of 90's beanie babies in the storage unit near my parents' house. There's nothing wrong with collecting for its own sake, so maybe I'm just being selfish, but if I'm going to sell off a character forever and not be able to draw them myself again, I want them to be played with, man.

I like the idea of licensing characters a lot better-- it's a lot less money than I could make for a straight-up adoptable, but multiple people could license my character designs (for ttrpg PCs or NPCs mainly, I think) instead of just one person, and I could also keep drawing the characters if I got more ideas for them. Maybe a character design licensing tier for my patreon or ko-fi is the answer, like what Maya Kern does with her dnd character designs? What do you nice people think?

(also feel free to tell me I'm being a neurotic weirdo about adoptables if you think so; I can handle it)

#adoptables #character design #ttrpg #dnd #catie talks #my art

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greg-montgomery · 2 years

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Lonely

Aaron Hotchner x Gn!Reader

Summary: Just a little hurt/comfort fic. It's one of those days where nothing feels okay, but to your surprise, your boss Aaron Hotchner is there to comfort you.

Soft!Hotch my beloved <333

TW: The reader talks about struggling with their mental health.

Words: 1.1 k

It was only you who was left at the office. You thought that occupying your mind with some boring paperwork would help you distract yourself from the painful feeling on your chest. It was one of those days where something as simple as a smile was impossible to fake. It was one of those days where a headache was creeping up by you forcing your tears not to spill all day.

If someone were to ask you why you were feeling that way, you would have an extremely hard time to explain. You couldn’t even explain it to yourself. You were just feeling sad. And feeling sad made you feel lonely.

The noise of a door closing made you drop your pen and turn your head to that direction. Yes, everyone else had left, but the word ‘everyone’ did not include your boss. Ever. At least for you.

“Y/N, what are you still doing here? It’s almost eleven,” he asked, approaching your desk. Looking up at him you immediately recognized concern in his expression.

“I thought I could just finish this all up tonight. You know, so I don’t have it on my mind all week.” You tried to sound casual, but you were pretty certain he was already not buying it.

“I don’t want you to overwork yourself. Especially for something as meaningless as paperwork. You already go through enough when we have a case.”

You sighed, figuring there was no reason to fight him on this. If you agreed he would just drop it. “You’re right.”

You started collecting your things to put them in your bag, expecting Aaron to wish you goodnight and leave. Instead you felt him staring at you in silence.

Bringing your bag to your lap, after securing all your personal things in it, you turned to the side ready to get up. You hadn’t realized that he had moved closer though - to the point where if you stood up, your face would bump into his chest. That’s why you decided to stay seated.

You looked up at him and took a deep breath, trying to calm your heartbeat that was going crazy, because he was completely towering over you.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Is everything okay?” There it was again. That same expression of concern. You hated the way he could see right through you. Aaron was known for being able to read people – he was good at his job and you admired him for it – but it was never fun to be on the receiving end of his talent. It made you feel bare and vulnerable.

“Yes, everything’s good.”

He slowly squatted down so he could be at the same level as you. Your height difference hadn’t allowed your faces to be this close to each other before. Looking into his eyes from this new angle felt different.

“Listen,” he started. “I can understand why I would not be the first person you’d choose to talk to about a personal issue. I know I’m much older than you and might act a little like a drill sergeant sometimes, but I’m always here if you need to talk. I would love to help. About whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

You smiled sadly at him because, deep down, if you could choose one person in the world to open your heart to it would be him. But how could you randomly start talking about your feelings to your boss of all people? How does one get the chance to do so?

Except now you had the perfect chance. He was offering it to you.

“I don’t think I’m gonna make any sense, Hotch,” you answered; your voice small and ready to break.

“You don’t have to. This isn’t an exam, you know. You can just tell me how you feel. No need to explain.”

Tears started to blur your vision at his words. Your feelings for him got a hundred times more intense than they were before.

“I’m lonely,” you broke, crying properly now. “I’m so lonely.”

His hand reached out to take yours and his thumb started to move in a soothing motion. It helped.

“And I’m not saying I’m alone,” you continued. “I have my family, my friends, our team... I know I have people in my life who care for me, I really do. And I recognize how ungrateful I sound for saying that it’s not enough. But it’s not. I’m still lonely. And I’m still sad. And I don’t know why.”

“Sweetheart…” he whispered, his free hand cupping your cheek so he could wipe away the tears.

“I’m so tired of thinking I’m okay and then feeling awful again. It never ends,” you sobbed, leaning into his touch without really thinking about it. “I just feel so helpless when it gets bad. Like nothing can help.”

As soon as you finished your sentence he pulled you into his arms. The fingers of his one hand got lost between your hair, while his other hand was rubbing circles on your back. “Maybe this can help,” he said, kissing the top of your head.

You completely melted in his embrace. Your sobs got louder and your body was shaking, but it felt like release.

“Hotch,” you cried, “I just wanna be okay.”

“You will be, I promise.”

You pushed away, just enough so you could look at his face again. His eyes were red and your heart clenched at the thought of him caring for you enough to be this moved by your sadness.

His palms were cupping your cheeks again and his handsome smile made its appearance, looking sweeter than ever.

“Thank you,” you smiled back. It was through tears, but it was the only genuine smile you had given anyone all day.

“Of course,” he replied, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead. “And now…” He dragged out the sentence, while standing up.

You missed his touch already. You didn’t want him to leave you alone. But you prepared yourself for his next words. He probably had to get home to Jack, you thought.

“How about we go get some ice cream?” he asked instead.

Your eyes lit up like a kid which made him laugh.

“I know a place that’s open all night. Let me drive us there,” he said offering his hand, and you took it without a second thought.

“I’d love that.”

You started walking towards the elevator, holding hands.

“Nothing like some ice cream after a good cry, right?” he joked and you giggled.

His hand dropped yours, only for his arm to wrap itself around your neck, pulling you close to his chest.

Maybe you could learn to love the way Aaron could see right through you. It made you feel cared for and understood.

#aaron hotchner #hotch #criminal minds #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #criminal minds fic #hiding in the tags so i can be insane here hehe #not me writing this when i should be studying 💀#but i'm so sad today lmao #for what? that's a secret my brain will never tell #i just feel really lonely and sad and thought i could use my sweet man for comfort #and thought i'd share in case anyone needs some comfort too #maybe it's because i'm on my period 😔#anyway if anyone's reading this i hope you enjoyed the fic #it's provided by my mental illness <3 #hotch 🪐

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liyuee-qixing · 2 years

Text

“Fatui Beloved ”

You're the tsaritsa daughter And Married to one of her loyal faithful servant harbinger,how would your life become?

Character:La Signora,Childe, scaramouche

La Signora

your mother is probably relief that you pick to marry Signora instead her other ten harbinger

She'd shower you with love and affection<3,she just love to forget about her harbinger duty and leave them behind for her to spend time with you,holding your hand and play your hair while you're sleeping on her lap..

She'll make you afternoon tea and sweets after a long and exhausting work, everybody need a rest,so did you. Surely spending time with her for few hours eating sweet and drinking tea is no problem

She used to love singing,so when you have trouble sleeping she'll always sing you lullaby that rang inside your mind giving you chills and drive you to sleep slowly..

She'll make you flower crown,a princess need her crown of course.

"Good afternoon,my Love anything interesting happen today?" She asked as she poured your cup warm tea

"nothing really happened,it was a longggg boring paperwork, Fontaine people is just so hard to deal with, they'll complain about the smallest ever existing problem ever,like the color of stamps,me being two seconds late.."you rant about your day to her,no matter how long is it,she always listen to you no matter what.

Tartaglia

Your mother has to make sure 1000 times you're sure to marry him.

He'll always buy you random gift,that pink night gown he saw at the market,hey! That'll look nice on you! That white sweater you have your eyes on for the past day,that definitely going to his cart list

He's just so sweet and he also a family man,how could you resist him!? He introduced you to his family, let's say his parents is quite shocked about it since they never heard anything of him dating you.

"hey! So you're my brother wife? I have a request to make" one of childe brother said,Childe and the rest of his family were already gone leaving you two in the living room,the child is known as Teucer

"what is it?" You replied at his request,he look a little hesitant at first but eventually said it

"can you not leave him? He look so happy when he's with you! I bet he'll be very sad if you leave him.. plus you both look perfect together!"he requested,he look genuinely on his words,huh,were this kid spying on your both?

"of course not,why would I leave him when I love him so much?" You giggled,his frown turned into cheerful joy smile now

Scaramouche

He was not one to Love nor cares about relationships with other people. Not caring about how other people feels or think.

Yet when you accepted him,he felt like he was given other Chances to prove himself worthy as a living being,to prove himself that he's worthy of loving and being loved by you. He is a little bit stiff at first,but eventually he'll learn to change,he doesn't wanna lose you of course,this is a rare opportunity where someone able to love and see him as if he was a human.

He'll buy you stuff he thinks you'll like or related to your special interest,no matter how expensive the price may be,your happiness matter

He also changed his goal,he no longer need the electro archon gnosis for himself to feel real thing, the burning sensation of love he felt for you was already enough.

"Good morning Kuni! Ah,I forgot you have a mission today"you creeped out behind him,placing your hands on his shoulder.

"yea,indeed I do,is there something else in the way?" He asked as he tilted his hat a little bit lower than before,still busy preparing for the mission

"no,,I'm just kinda sad you're leaving.. I still hopes you the best though!" You said, placing a kiss on his cheeks that surely leave a lipstick mark

"can you do that again?" His face was all red but he still manage to spit out what he wanted. you gave him a playful smirk

"do what?" You asked,still with playful smirk painted on your face

"don't play with me right now"he pointed at the lipstick mark, waiting you to kiss him again,you giggled but you still do it,you kiss him again on the lips this time,now his face is all red and flustered

I'm bored so I write this,so the plot didn't make sense

#genshin imagines #genshin impact fluff #genshin headcanons #genshin drabbles #genshin fluff #childe #childe fluff #childe x reader #la signora x reader #la signora fluff #scaramouche fluff #scaramouche x reader

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prettyguardian-prettygirl · 5 months

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things i’m learning that i’m allowed to do 🩷

I can prefer media that people might think is immature for my age

the things i like don’t have to make sense to anyone but me and they don’t even have to make sense to me either

i can decorate and personalize everything i own to be the most me

i can buy pink everything and anything

my room, my taste in music, and my clothes don’t have to always match

i can prefer all my clothes are the same textures/fabrics with similar colors/prints/patterns

my outfits can be as silly and childish and immature as i want them to be

i can’t always control what i like and why, sometimes things just feel right

i can carry a stuffed animal with me wherever i want because it helps my anxiety and makes me feel safer

i don’t have to explain why something makes me happy or sad or why i like something

i can communicate in a way that tires me the least

i can use my mobility aid, i can even decorate it and put stickers on it

I can put pins on everything, i don’t just have to pick one or two

i can wear a soft hooded bathrobe instead of my scratchy winter coat and it’s just as warm and feels like i’m wrapped in a blanket

my comfort items don’t need to make sense to anyone

i can wear wigs (i felt really weird about doing anything other than my natural hair, like i was a “bad” black person because i wanted long wavy pink hair at times)

i don’t have to dress simply but i can still be comfy

the things i collect don’t have to be sophisticated

i can like music that kinda sounds like beeps and boops

i can also like music in different languages

i can listen to lullabies to sleep because i fall asleep way easier when i do

i can sleep with stuffed animals too

the books i read don’t have to be sophisticated or classic, i can prefer reading about fairies and magic and pretty things, i can even have books that are mostly pictures

i don’t have to wear jeans (ever)

i don’t have to feel bad for being different and not being able to do the same things as other people my age

it’s okay to not want my food to touch and it’s okay to have lots of different things like that

i’m not bad for needing a little extra care and sensitivity

i’m not bad for being unable to work

being autistic does make me different but i’m still me and i can love me and other people can love me too

i’m not bad

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orlaogden · 7 months

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Mchart week: The Road Trip

They are both unusually quiet in the morning. As if they are afraid to break the peaceful silence and ruin everything, so they let their bodies speak for their tongues. Kurt fries bacon and eggs, Diane warms up bagels and makes coffee.

A light brush of hands, short timid smiles. She adverts her eyes, and he feels a sudden pang in the chest. His arms snake around her waist, he just can't help it, his lips kiss the side of her head above the right ear. Despite the short glimpse of sadness he felt radiating from her just a moment ago, she leans in his embrace readily, caresses his back, kisses his shoulder. They're bathing in morning sunlight, in the warmth of their embrace and in the smell of the coffee.

"Kurt. Let's get away from the city for a while?" Diane blurts out.

"You mean, go to the country?"

"No... Go on a trip. Spend some time in nature." She knows he would love it. She knows that she will enjoy it too and they need it.

Kurt's eyebrows go up. Diane and nature: a beautiful combination but a rare one.

"Why?"

"To make a room," she pauses and finds his left hand with hers. "To clear more space for... love. Just be simply Diane and Kurt for a while."

Kurt is almost ready to laugh. He thinks that he is always himself and that being in love with her is his default state of being. But he gets it, so he just squeezes her hand and kisses her cheek instead.

"Do you have something particular in mind?"

"Nope. We can make arrangements today and go tomorrow."

"It's a deal then." He smiles into her hair.

The silence between them sparks with anticipation of something exciting as they eat.

***

Eventually they decide to go to Starved Rock. It's not too far from Chicago and it's beautiful.

Kurt's driving the car. Lyle Lovett doesn't provoke a sudden wave of longing anymore. The car doesn't reek of incense. Everything falls right into place. They're not going to meditate, they're going to walk and see the waterfalls, although Diane doesn't even mind watching him fishing for the whole day, breathing in the fresh air and the closeness of the most important person in her life she missed so much and desperately tried to forget in the fear of no future.

"You know what. We should try an axe throwing next."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. I'll show you my moves." She adds with a cheeky smile.

"I always thought it's a pity that you had got over it before we could try it together."

"Maybe you'll find that the axes are actually hotter than guns."

"I know for sure that you'd look hot as hell with an axe. As for the technical side… Maybe I am a simple guy, but I like complicated things, you know."

"Oh, I know. You wouldn't marry me if you haven't." Diane sighs. "There are actually so many things we haven't tried doing together…"

The majority of the trip they discuss their plans for future activities they want to try, building a bridge to their life together in DC. Diane thinks that maybe her cowboy is not an artsy person but he sure knows how to have fun and make her feel warm inside.

The playful talk only dies out when they stop at a parking lot near a gas station to buy some coffee. Somehow coffee gets forgotten pretty quick as they indulge in a not exactly silent make out session.

***

“There is something humbling about the ancient rocks. We try to be important, be heroes, make a difference, while they’re just standing here and will outlive us all…”

“You’ll be able to make a difference again when you’re back in a courtroom. Real difference for real people.”

And you will feel better, his tender green eyes tell her. She already feels better. The earth, the rustle of leaves, water and his steady presence ground her. Baby steps are not so frustrating anymore. Finally she knows what she needs to do: go back to what she does best. Leading a law firm, fighting for clients she actually cares about. Finally she doesn’t feel so painfully alone.

She looks down at the calm water surface and muses.

This is crazy how you start to think that a person you have mutual interests with understands you on a truly deep level, seeking his advice because you feel like drowning, only to realize later that he doesn't know you at all. And it makes sense, because he really doesn't.

And this is crazy how a person, you have so little in common with on a surface level, gets you better than anyone else in the world. It doesn't make sense at all, but it feels so right when you don't overthink it.

***

"Ouch!" Diane stumbles and almost falls but Kurt's strong hand supports her in time.

"Are you alright, hon?" he asks gently caressing her side. Diane takes a deep breath trying to not lean too much onto him.

"I think I've twisted my ankle. I'll be alright in a minute."

"You need to sit down and rest for a bit…" Kurt looks around trying to find something suitable. Sadly, they are out in the wild and there are no benches. "What do you think about this nice looking rock?"

Kurt helps Diane to reach the big flat rock he spotted and sit down. Then he takes three steps back, checks her out affectionately and pulls the smartphone out of his pocket.

"You look like a princess who got lost in the woods."

"Yeah, seventy years old princess in leather pants", Diane answers sarcastically.

"Princess SexyPantsass", Kurt says lightheartedly and gets a perfect shot of her laughing. This will be a nice addition to his growing collections of Diane's photos.

When Kurt helps Diane to stand up again, his stomach grumbles loudly.

"I think we should head to the picnic area. Maybe this place has a dark history, but I don't want my galant knight to starve!"

***

Kurt gives Diane a plate with a hot aromatic grilled cheese sandwich and two sausages on the side while she spoonfeeds him a pasta salad she made this morning. He feeds her grapes. She wipes her hands with a napkin and pats his knee. They clunk two beers and toast their trip. The silence they've immersed into now is comforting in all its cozyness.

A gust of wind ruffles Kurt's hair, and Diane's fingertips tingle. He is relaxed, almost serene. He looks at her with such tenderness that her lips start tingling too. She brushes breadcrumbs from his mustache, lightly touching the upper lip with her pinkie. He smiles and kisses her fingers. She can't restrain herself anymore. One hand goes up his cheek and disappears in the thick silver hair. The other hand goes up his chest, then his neck. And they are kissing, and kissing, and kissing. Bottles fall clinking against each other. Diane silently prays for the bottles to be empty, but when they end the kiss she looks only at him.

"Now I'm starved for something else", Kurt breathlessly murmurs in her ear, sending a tingling sensation down her spine. Diane is half turned on, half hyper-aware that they're in a public space.

"I'm afraid we have to starve for this much longer, my love", she whispers, moving away from him. The look on his face when she says the last two words almost makes her cry.

“Thank you for coming back to me.” She literally breathes the sentence out. Her guilty look adds: Despite me hurting your feelings again and again.

It is both an apology for how she had left things and gratitude for him finally being here for her, not on the phone with a despicable organization, not somewhere else.

“Thank you for choosing us again.” Kurt answers simply, his voice is breaking in the middle.

Her brows form two slanting lines, her lips tremble. As though they both could go a different way. They almost did, but no, she couldn't, they couldn’t.

She just hugs him then. If she could melt into his soft flannel shirt, she would. His hands clutch so tightly on her back as if he is afraid she would disappear.

The next moment an angry kid passes them muttering something about "gross adults". They break their embrace and laugh, probably making the kid even angrier. The unexpressed thought makes them laugh even louder.

On the way back to the car they see a double rainbow.

"Everything is gonna be alright", Diane thinks. Kurt opens a car door for her. Going back home doesn't seem so depressing anymore.

_______________

The song in the edit: Love Will Keep Us Alive by Scorpions.

Thank you @rexlockhart for organizing such a wonderful fandom event! 💗💗💗

#the good fight #mchart #diane lockhart #kurt mcveigh #MchartWeek #diane x kurt #christine baranski #gary cole #the visual pun is half-intended :D #guess who hasn't written anything descriptive in ages #and yes i need a beta

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rivetgoth · 2 months

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Today I had an observation and evaluation with a program supervisor at my internship and it went really well!

Most notably though, afterwards during the debrief she made a comment about how I always have a super good attitude. All of my marks on all of my observations and evals have always scored me crazy high for positive environment, good rapport, good attitude, etc. She was like, "Have you always been like this? Like, were you just this bright smiling confident little boy that was friends with everyone?"

And it was just crazy to hear. I honestly kinda laughed and was like... NO. I explained my backstory a little--Truth be told I was one of the shyest people I have ever known as a kid/preteen/teen. I would make up excuses to avoid going to restaurants with friends because I would feel like I was going to throw up from the anxiety imagining ordering something. I couldn't look people in the eye, couldn't shake their hand, I was terrified to meet new people in any context. I heard the phrase "come out of your shell" 50000000000000x from teachers and other Trusted Adults. My parents were always on my case about it. I remember being like, 12 or so and my mom asked me to run into the store and pick up some milk while she stayed in the car and I just couldn't even IMAGINE a world where I would do such a thing. Like, this is such a vivid memory to me, I remember my mom was annoyed and said something like "How are you going to survive one day when you live on your own?" and I legit could. not. imagine. ever being able to buy something at a store and check it out and deal with a grocery store employee face to face. It legit felt impossible.

As an older teen I started making a really, genuine, honest, active effort to change. Slowly. Truth be told I hated how I was. The social anxiety was symptomatic of a kind of larger issue or a bunch of interconnected issues. I was the pickiest eater I knew. I had dealt with genuine psychotic episodes from around age 14. I had trouble maintaining a single friendship. I was having panic attacks so bad I would end up puking. I was extremely dysphoric and didn't want to be perceived by anyone; I knew nobody would see me as anything but a girl but I felt like I was in genuine danger if I said anything, so I just felt like I was lying to everyone, all the time. It was a lot. I wasn't happy. I made a lot of small changes. Some of these were lifestyle-related: I left public school and switched to independent study. I graduated early and started going to my community college. I got involved in clubs that interested me. But honestly a lot of them were more, like... psychological? Personality-based? More intangible things. I feel like I started engaging with some really introspective shit like

Asking myself, what am I so afraid of? What is the worst that could happen? And actually going through the motions of picturing all of those things, and how I would realistically deal with them, and also realizing that none of it was actually that bad, at all. I could manage literally any of the things I was terrified of, and a lot of the time, there was nothing to be terrified of at all.

Reconceptualizing my social anxiety as an extremely selfish, self-destructive mindset. I think this is going to sound controversial but I believe a lot of my social anxiety was born from being too obsessed with myself. Not in a positive way; I HATED myself. But I was too obsessed with how other people viewed me. I was too obsessed with how I was perceived. To the point that I was treating other people cruelly. You know that tweet that's like "I told my husband that sometimes I worry he hates me and secretly gets annoyed by me, and he said that it made him sad and he wished I wouldn't think of him that way"? Yeah. This also meant doing stuff like developing better social skills for conversing with people that centered them instead of me, like learning how to recognize social cues that didn't really come naturally, asking more questions, being more expressive/reactive, allowing other people to talk first... little things.

But also developing conviction in myself! Realizing that if someone DID think I was stupid, or annoying, or was unnecessarily rude or cruel to me, that they were the one in the wrong. Becoming more confident in knowing who I am and what I'm about, so that if someone judges me, that's on them, not on me. I don't exist for other people. I'm doing my thing authentically, and if other people can't see that, that's on THEM, not on ME.

The two nails in the coffin that buried my social anxiety six feet under for good was getting into the goth/dark alt community and transitioning. Both of these were legitimately life saving. I already loved the music, but I found myself actually wanting to be apart of the community surrounding it. I wanted to go to concerts and see my favorite bands, I wanted to go to clubs and hear the music I love played loud and dance to it. I wanted to dress up and appear Cool to the people I found cool. I literally had to get over it--And when I did go to concerts and clubs and interacted with other musicheads, they were the friendliest, most accepting people I had ever met. It wasn't even that I clicked with everyone instantly, I didn't make any long term friends overnight, but they were nice. They were understanding. They didn't judge me for being a baby bat who was literally bringing his mom to shows lmao. Being in the goth community made me love people, honestly.

And obviously transitioning was just... life saving, in every single sense of the phrase. I would not be alive or who I am in any capacity today if it weren't for transitioning, and it lifted a burden so heavy off of me that it's hard to really fully process the person I was before versus who I am today. Honestly, I almost feel like you could delete everything else and just have this post become a rant about how much transitioning and overcoming my social anxiety has a 1:1 correlation and how much dysphoria masks itself as or at least severely worsens other conditions. I'm genuinely happy now. I enjoy meeting other people. I love being seen as the man I am, navigating society and being authentically me. I think my social anxiety was inseparable from dysphoria. I think my dysphoria was genuinely deeply incapacitating in ways even I couldn't articulate or even fathom.

I did not tell my supervisor all this, LMAO. She doesn't even know I'm trans. I'm stealth to everyone in my program except higher-ups or individuals in my cohort who I've spoken with. But it just had me thinking A LOT about how far I've come. What I did tell my supervisor is, and I stand by this, that I think I'm generally considered a Likable Person™ who promotes Positive Environments™ because it's something I had to work my ass off for. It did not come naturally, and I think it's why I'm so, so cognizant of it.

#this is long and conceited but idk man let me talk about myself for a sec lolllllllllllllllllll

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lost-in-fandoms · 12 hours

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Logan and Max have a talk. Sort of. (I have never written Logan before, so I don't know if this even makes sense. Almost nothing happens, but there could be a second part in the future, who knows (not me)).

Logan wishes he was better at telling Alex no. He doesn't want to be at this party, for a race he barely even took part of, his car giving up on lap 15. He doesn't want to be standing here, near the wall, as he watches the other drivers drink and dance, ignoring him completely. He doesn't want the drink Alex placed in his hand before disappearing, without even telling him what was in it. He wants to go to bed. He wants to call his mom.

One hour, that's how much time he has promised himself. He'll stay one hour, long enough to say he was there, not long enough to make him want to get completely smashed and sob into some girl's chest (that had been one time, but it had been a low point he does never want to repeat), and then he'll go back to the hotel. He doesn't remember the time difference well enough to know if he'll be able to talk to his mom before going to sleep, barely remembers in which country they're in.

He's contemplating his glass again, trying to decipher what kind of alcoholic concoction is in there and to ignore the thumping bass, when a pair of sneakers and blue jeans appear in his line of vision.

He looks up and finds himself face to face with three-soon-to-be-four times world Champion Max Verstappen. He doesn't think he's ever been in a one to one conversation with Max before, so he can't think about a single reason why he should be standing in front of him, looking straight at him. Unless he's here to kick him out? Would Max kick him out of the party for being too pathetic?

Now he's being self-pitying, he needs to stop. No drinking and sobbing incidents tonight.

"You okay, mate?" Max asks, voice barely loud enough over the music, eyes intense. The glass in Logan's hand feels slippery, he's afraid he'll drop it.

"Yeah, fine!" he replies, cringing at his own basic response, even if he doesn't know what else he could have said. It's not like Max is asking because he really cares, and it's not like he could give him the truthful answer either.

Instead of moving on and going back to the party like Logan is expecting after the somewhat failed social interaction, Max keeps looking at him, tilting his head slightly, eyes narrowed, before he steps closer and plucks the glass from Logan's hand, placing it on a nearby table.

"Follow me," he orders. He doesn't wait before turning around and walking away. For some reason, Logan doesn't even question it, just unsticks himself from his wall and follows him to the bar, where Max orders a beer and another g&t, and then up a flight of stairs, onto a balcony.

"Are we allowed to be here?" Logan asks, looking at the very obvious DO NOT OPEN sign hanging on the balcony door Max is already pushing open.

Max just shrugs, going outside and sitting down on a lawn chair, placing the drinks on the low table in front of him. Of course, Logan reminds himself, he's Max Verstappen, who's going to tell him no? He probably could buy this whole place out himself if he wanted to.

Logan sits down next to him.

"Here," Max says, passing him the beer. Again, Logan doesn't question it before taking a sip. Much better than Alex's weird drink.

For a long moment, they just sit in silence. They can still hear the music from downstairs, but it's different out here, with the sounds of the city and the fresh air. Logan almost forgets about being confused and upset, about wanting to go home. Home home. Then Max speaks again.

"We can talk about why you are sad, or we can sit here until I finish my drink. Both are okay."

Logan doesn't understand. Why is Max, of all people, wanting to talk to him about his shitty season? And why would he want to just sit there with him? Does he look that pathetic?

He tries to feel upset, tries to look for the spark of indignation, but he comes up empty. He can just stare at Max's profile as the other takes a sip of his drink, eyes fixed on the skyline, throat working.

Max doesn't ask again. He must accept that Logan's answer is silence, doesn't even seem put off by it, but Logan's brain can't stop buzzing, questions bouncing around so fast he can barely keep up with them.

They stay quiet. Max finishes his drink. Logan keeps watching him as he stretches slightly, before he stands up and turns to face him.

"If you want to come talk to me, I know how it feels, to be hungry" he says slowly, measured, like he's been thinking about this for the whole time. "But if you want advice right now..."

It takes a second for Logan to realize Max is waiting for a sign, and he rushes to nod. Max's lip curls up slightly, his eyes crinkling, before he turns serious again.

"At some point, you will of course have to decide if you want to lay down and wait for the team to take pity, or if you want to bite and make them work with you."

Logan blinks. Max blinks back.

When it's clear that Logan isn't going to say anything, Max nods, turns around, seems to rethink and turns back, his eyes impossibly bright.

"I can show you how to take what you want, whatever you want." Suddenly, it feels like they're not just talking about racing anymore. Logan's neck feels hot. Max licks his lips, something dangerous in his expression that is usually reserved for the track, for when things aren't as he'd like. Logan has seen it before, but never turned towards him. He's stuck on his chair, feeling like prey despite Max telling him he could, and should, take.

He waits for the blow, he knows it's coming, but is still completely unprepared for the way Max smiles when he speaks.

"I will even call you a good boy, if you do it right."

The sound Logan lets out is undignified enough it will have to go in the lowest points list right next to the drinking&crying episode, but Max laughs, not unkindly, squeezing Logan's shoulder.

"You have my number, and you know where I'll be next week. Drink your beer."

Logan has the bottle pressed against his lips even before Max has made it across the balcony, going back to the party.

#i don't know what this is i just know a fog came into my brain and when it disappeared this was on the page #do logan and max even have a ship name #as usual if there are typos no there aren't #and if this sucks please tell me so i can delete it and then die in shame thanks <3 #logan/max #my writing #my brain is completely empty now i don't even know how to tag anymore #im gonna click post before i overthink this to death #just realised logan says exactly two words during this whole thing how dare i call this a 'talk'

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