"I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it — to be fed so much love I couldn't take any more. Just once."

- Haruki Murakami

i just want to feel good enough for somebody

i just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. i just want someone to send me little messages throughout the day. i just want someone that will bake cookies with me. i just want someone who will make coffee for us in the morning. i just want someone to be in the same room as me. i just want someone to be there when i need them to be. i just want someone to feel heard and understood when they talk to me. i just want someone who will let me softly sing to them. i just want someone to wipe tears from my eyes and hold my face in their hands. i just want someone to exist in the same room as me. i just want someone who will listen to my story. i just want someone who doesn't have reasons that they don't want to be with me. i just want someone to feel immensely loved by me. i just want someone to lay with. i just want someone i can come home to on a long day. i just want someone that will make me food on the days i feel bad. i just want someone to talk to. i just want someone to know that i will not judge them. i just want someone who will spend the day at the beach with me. i just want someone who will let me keep my leg overtop of theirs as we read books. i just want someone who will listen to my music, as awful as it is.

i just want someone to tell me that this isn't asking for too much

"All I can hope is for me to get better"

Because all I can take is no more

I don't know how to exist. I don't know how to live.

haruki murakami, sputnik sweetheart.

i fucking hate myself

"The night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started."

- Ernest Hemingway

"Of course I wanted to see the world, to experience its fullness. I wanted to be a real part of it, rather than the passing shadow I so often felt like. I wanted to devour the world."

Saeed Jones, How We Fight For Our Lives.

me: haha i'm not lonely, i'm fine on my own !! i'm an introvert haha :D

the smiths: two lovers entwined pass me by, and heaven knows i'm miserable now

me: oh shit yeah

i sit still

surrounded by individuals

the sound is deafening

yet all that i can concentrate on

is my chest dreadfully pulsating

the abundance of guilt resting inside of me

the immense sadness that comforts me

and above all

i feel the irrepressible urge

to turn around and

ask someone to save me

but

i sit still