#like people seem to have forgotten that about both her and the dude who played Hagrid
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CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT 𓆩♡𓆪
(Book #1 of the Hellfire Gentlemen's Club series)
(strip club owner!eddie × fem!exotic dancer!hargrove!× reader)
𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍 𝐀𝐔 18+ minors get out of my kitchen
Chapter 010: The Freak
A fight breaks out at the Hellfire Gentlemen’s Club.
* = somewhat smut
** = smut
↳ chapters: 001, 002*, 003** , 004**, 005 , 006 , 007* , 008**, 009, 010, 011, 012* , 013**, 014**, 015, 016**, 017, 018, 019, 020*
word count: 4.4k words
warnings & disclaimers — mentions of seggs tr@ff!ck!ng, lots of blood, violence, physical altercation, profanities, glass shattering, screaming, jealousy
“I feel it coming, my soul cannot be found. I feel it coming, don’t fucking tie me down.”
♡
Eddie is glued to Nina’s hip during her orientation.
You can hardly watch. You can’t even listen. All Back of the House seems to be talking about is the fact that the cute new girl pulled up to work with Eddie. Apparently she skipped out of the passenger side of his van stoned out of her mind, waltzing in absentmindedly while Eddie opened the door for her.
Nina’s excuse was that she didn't have a ride to work. And while that may be true, your jealousy was projecting itself...hard. The times you were in Eddie’s van sitting right where she was were completely unrelated to work.
But Nina is a pretty girl. Eddie does love doing favors for pretty girls who flatter him.
You still couldn’t figure out why no one will talk about anything else. Like how Henry has evidently been spiraling into a lonely, seasonal depressive episode and could snap any minute. Or how whoever is closing isn’t sweeping the aisle all the way through. Also, one of the lights keeps flickering. Totally throws off the whole vibe of VECNA’S LAIR.
But no, the hot topic of today’s shift is still Nina and Eddie.
It's an awakening for you though. Now you really understand and have accepted that you are no different from everyone else.
Eddie’s jokes? He recycles with everybody.
Food? Makes for everybody.
Smoking and drinking in his van? With everybody.
Calls on Henry to fight off the bad guys? Yes, for everybody…
You are not special.
Speaking of Henry…he’s off task again. Luckily lunches are usually not busy so he can afford to be away from the door.
Henry is at VECNA’S LAIR with you, chatting away with Eddie’s buddy Gareth while you give Gareth a lap dance. And you can tell by the eagerness in Henry’s eyes that he’s anticipating his dance that you agreed to do for him to combat his loneliness.
“You gotta let me know how your dance goes, Creel,” Gareth grins. “Shy Girl is one of the best.”
Gareth is one of your regulars. He went to school with Eddie, played in his band Corroded Coffin when they were younger, and he also tips well. Eddie usually stays and chats with him, but today he is off and aloof, avoiding any type of eye contact with the both of you.
Screw Eddie. He’s seemed to have forgotten about you already now that there’s a new toy for him to play with.
“I love how you move your hips, babe,” Henry comments, snapping you back into reality. “And how you bond with every customer. I had no idea men pay you just to talk to them sometimes.”
“Oh, you’d be surprised,” you nod all while grinding yourself onto Gareth, hands combing through his wavy hair and trailing down to graze his neck. “Some guys just come here just to vent. Business men, teachers, doctors...”
“That’s really nice,” Henry blushes.
“Bouncers too,” you wink at him. “You know, when they’re not clocked in and supposed to be working.”
Henry’s eyes widen as he realizes, and soon he’s back up and starting towards the door. You and Gareth share an innocent chuckle about it before carrying on with your business.
"I can tell that dude is lonely," Gareth makes the same observation. "He doesn't have that many friends outside work."
"I wonder why," you ponder aloud, doing a little dance on Gareth’s lap. "He's so nice."
"From what Eddie told me, it's hard for Henry to open up to people," your patron explains. "Dude had a fucked up home life when he was younger. Dad was a piece of shit to him and his sister. Abused the shit outta 'em and their mom."
There's a pattern here. You try not to think about it.
"Anyways," Gareth says pulling out a $20 bill. "Can you give me scratches on my back? Trying to make an ex flame jealous."
"You manipulative fuck," you banter, snagging the $20 from him anyway. "I'm sure you have your reasons though."
So you honor Gareth's requests and leave some sharp etchings on his back, one large scratch in the shape of a heart.
You scan the club as you work, searching for your sister. Max is spotted near the entrance of the club, acquainting herself with Lucas and Dustin. She also met Steve earlier today and admitted to you that she has an innocent crush on him.
Of course she would. Who wouldn’t have a crush on The King?
You smile at how easy Max makes friends. She tries not to look at you while working but sometimes her curiosity takes over.
Gareth nods towards her.
"I see your sister knows the big secret now."
"Yeah, one less thing to worry about," you shrug sheepishly.
"She's supportive, I'm assuming?"
"Very."
"That's good," Gareth rubs your back. "I'm happy for you."
“Thanks,” you smile.
You catch sight of Steve next as he walks over to you. He greets you with a warm kiss and rests a hand at your waist.
Eddie watches you with Steve and Gareth, attempting to remain composed and professional with Nina as he spots her on the pole.
"What is going on here?" Steve asks you.
"I'm trying to make one of Gareth's ol' lady friends jealous," you explain. "Leaving him scratches and all."
"I love your sharp ass nails," Gareth swoons. He hands you a five.
"You are just spoiling me today,” you coo. “You can pick out my nail color next, Gare.”
"Green," Gareth answers right away.
"Yeah, I second that," Steve agrees.
Steve leans in to kiss you. You kiss him back, affectionately, relishing in how beautiful Steve always made you feel. Meanwhile, Gareth watches, running his hands softly across your thighs and muttering a soft, “fuck…”
And then you hear Eddie clear his throat closeby you.
"Jesus H. Christ," you hear Eddie grimace.
Eddie sounds uncomfortable. Good. It is not until someone else speaks that you realize he was shaken up about something else.
“Well well well,” comes a voice. “Looking just as skanky as you did when I last saw you.”
You look to see the patron standing by the entrance. He’s the scariest he’s ever looked. Your heart sinks to the floor.
It’s hard for you to find the words. “You...”
“Boo,” he grins, amused at how startled you are. “Kinda insulting that you think all these men can give you more than I can.”
“What the fuck are you doing here?” you demand.
Frantic footsteps sound not too long after, and Henry comes spilling in. He looks mortified, panicked. He had one job and he failed to do it.
“Hargrove, I’m sorry!”
“Henry!” you scold him, almost at a scream-whisper. “You weren’t supposed to let him in!”
“I didn’t know!” Henry exclaims.
“I thought Eddie told you!”
“I forgot!” Henry says. “It all happened so fast.”
“Yeah, security here sucks,” the man you’re tempted to throw something at smirks.
A crowd starts to form, which is odd because no one said anything that inherently stood out. But energy doesn’t lie. The tension in the room is noticeable.
“You can’t be here,” Eddie’s voice darkens.
Eddie makes his way down from the stage and to the front of the club, Nina watching in confusion as everyone huddled around. Eddie clears his throat and stands with his chest propped forward, chin raised along with his gritted teeth.
“You’re not welcome here,” your boss snaps.
“That’s no way to talk to a customer…”
“I know who you’re here for and you can’t have her,” Eddie growls.
Eddie looks over at you. Making his way into the crossfire, Eddie creates even more space between the two of you. Henry stays where he’s at on high alert.
“And I own this joint. So I can refuse service to anyone… Billy.”
Your twin brother flashes a dangerous, amused smile. “I see I’ve become a household name.”
Billy inches closer to you, leaving you paralyzed in place.
He looks different from when you last saw him. A lot more muscular. His beer belly is gone, and he finally shaved that obnoxious porn stache that he swore drew in all the ladies. Billy looks more satisfied at your horror than angry at who you’ve become.
A million thoughts are racing through your head. How could your brother have possibly known where you are? Did you leave your location on? Did you butt-dial him? Was it 'twintuition'?
Then you remember he's Billy. And a sociopath like Billy always finds a way to win.
“Eddie Munson,” Billy continues. “Owner of The Hellfire Club. Drug dealer. Car jacker. The town FREAK who’s notorious for sleeping with his employees before attempting to sell them into a sex trafficking ring in the outskirts of town.”
“That is SO NOT TRUE!” you hear Chrissy scream from behind the boys.
“Oh, hey Cherry!” Billy chimes. “Huge fan of your work. So is Eddie, though. And a million other men, so what makes me special huh?”
Henry is hovering, lingering between Eddie and Billy with a stance you knew all too well. The angled torso, a hand floating ready to butt in. The memories come flooding into the room in the form of burning tears against your waterline. Your throat is tight.
“How…the fuck…” you choke. “Did you find me?”
Billy flashes you his phone. Looking through his cracked screen, you see that the evidence is all on Reddit. Sure enough, there you were, doing your thing in a video surrounded by tons of men, exposing your birthmark that’s oh so similar to Billy’s.
“This girl is so fucking hot!” a Redditor comments.
“What’s her name?” someone asks.
“She goes by Shy Girl,” another answers. “Hellfire Gentlemen’s Club in Hawkins, IN.”
It’s no surprise that Billy follows the ‘stripper’ Sub-Reddit. You’ve gone viral, so of course he was bound to see it.
“Ever heard of a digital footprint?” Billy questions darkly. “Shy Girl?”
You gulp. In the age of technology, you should’ve known that your cover would be blown if you stood out well enough. How could you be so stupid?
“Oh look!” your brother chuckles. “There it is, the biggest giveaway of all. Right front and center… your birthmark."
“You win,” is all you can say. “You can stop now.”
“I’m not trying to win anything,” Billy jeers. “I’m just saying, if you had a brain, you would’ve at least thought to cover it up with makeup or something.”
Eddie looks over at you with sad eyes. It’s the first time he truly looked helpless. A part of him also looks like his own cover is blown too. You can’t help but wonder why.
“Yeah, you could say I did my research,” Billy draws on. He shoves his phone back into his pocket. “It kept me occupied on the plane. The news articles aren’t hard to find either. Hawkins is pretty small. A whole shoebox compared to Leucadia.”
His eyes dart back to Eddie. “And I’ve read up a lot about you.”
“You know the media loves to twist things,” Eddie hisses. “Especially if everything about me fits the narrative they’re trying to sell.”
Billy decides to challenge him. “So you’re saying everything is fake news?”
Eddie doesn’t comment. It strikes you odd that Eddie doesn’t even try to defend himself. What could he and Billy possibly be talking about it?
“Funny, I on the contrary believe you’ve earned your reputation,” Billy insists.
“What is he talking about Eddie?” you ask.
“Just forget about it,” Eddie shuts down.
“Yeah, forget about it,” Billy somewhat agrees. He turns to you. “You’re coming with me.”
You turn to Max. She watches, terrified as Billy ushers you in the corner. You’re too drained to fight back so you let him. But when you finally meet his eyes, Billy looks like your brother again.
“Seriously, WHAT were you thinking?” his voice shows genuine concern.
Billy sounds more disappointed now than vengeful.
“This is all because of YOU,” you snap. “I had no choice.”
“That’s your bullshit excuse?” Billy demands, eyes welling up with tears. “You’re a fucking waitress! I’m sure Benny’s down the block would’ve sufficed.”
Billy’s an asshole, for sure. But at the end of the day he’s still a multifaceted human. When the trauma doesn’t take over, he’s a level-headed individual. A clear thinker with good critical thinking skills and an ability to read the room. Something you’ve spent your whole life second-guessing yourself over.
Your brother continues his tangent.
“YOU HAVEN’T DANCED IN YEARS, first of all. The only ‘stripping’ you know is when you go skinny dipping with your little hoe friends at Black's Beach. You don’t have a permit to dance, which I’m pretty sure is illegal somehow because EVERYWHERE ELSE in Indiana requires a stripping permit. You don’t even know anything about what this industry entails, yet you cannonball headfirst into it like it’s just easy. This industry is a hotspot for sex trafficking. Millions and women and little girls are kidnapped every year and forced into sex work, don’t you know that?”
Billy nudges the ribbons in your hair.
“Child-like ribbons in your hair too. You disgust me.”
He pauses. It’s like he has an epiphany. The devilish smirk returns.
“But maybe Eddie knew that,” he tuts, waving a stupid finger of his in the air. “BINGO! With the little experience you have, Eddie must’ve known you were naive. Desperate. A little bit of a slut. Eddie knew he just HAD to get his hands on you. Take advantage of you. Exploit you.”
“Shut up.”
You knew Billy was being dumb. But what he says makes sense. And in the depths of your wounded heart, what he said felt true in a sense. Because there was a time you did feel betrayed by Eddie. Meanwhile Eddie has gone pale.
All eyes are on you now, and not for the reason you want. Sure, it’s a strip club. But never have you ever felt so naked. Never has your soul ever felt so exposed.
“Yeah…” Billy grins. It’s like you can see the gears grinding in his head. He flashes Eddie a disgusted look. “That’s exactly what it is. You know, you give me the creeps, Munson. Sure you hear that a lot.”
“You give me the creeps…Hargrove,” Eddie counters. “With how IN LOVE you seem to be with your sister.”
Eddie takes a few steps towards him to elaborate.
“Showing up to the place she strips at…causing a scene when you see her on someone’s lap… and then proceeding to tell her no one will love her like you do?”
Eddie scoffs.
“Yeah. Totally not creepy.”
“We’re family, Eddie,” Billy sighs. “Families love each other. Of course you wouldn’t know anything about that.”
“Hey, douchebag—” Steve begins but Chrissy stops him.
“Too fucking far, Billy,” you plead. “Stop.”
“You know what else I found out?” Billy smiles. “Your boy toy Eddie comes from a long line of crooks.”
Billy turns to Eddie. “Your half brother Eagan is a con man in Montauk, New York. And your other brother Ansen Wayne back in Memphis got arrested for, guess what? Arson! Funny.”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Chrissy roars again.
But Billy proceeds. “And if I’m not mistaken, your dad Al is a drug dealer who married one of his clients, your mother. And guess what? When she wasn’t bringing him any money? He pimp slapped her in broad daylight and eventually slit her throat.”
Billy looks you in the eyes when he says that.
“How tragic,” Billy breathes. “Dad killing Mom.”
Billy turns back to Eddie.
“One dysfunctional ass family. And a poor excuse of a son.”
“Takes one to know one,” Eddie spits.
Billy laughs and nods. You’re surprised that doesn’t set him off.
“I’m not entertaining this,” your brother refuses. “I’m trying to be a better person, but Munson you are pushing it. Nah, my family is where I draw the line. Come on, sis. You’re coming with me.”
Yanking you by the wrist, Billy pulls you along with him.
“No,” you refuse.
But his grip is too tight. Now you’re just along for the ride.
“I would never do anything to hurt your sister,” Eddie says, running after you both. Henry follows closely behind Eddie. “Surely that’s something you can’t say.”
“You’d never do anything to hurt her?” Billy halts challenging him with the most satisfied grin on his face. “You’d never do anything to hurt her?”
Eddie nods. Billy releases you, sending you flying forward into Max’s arms. She’s shaking when you wrap your arms around her for comfort.
“What happened to Isabelle then, Eddie?” Billy taunts him. “Court records are also public, you know.”
Isabelle. Eddie’s ex-girlfriend. How does Eddie’s ex-GF fit into Hellfire’s narrative? In your mind you always thought Isabelle was a random chick.
The whole room is silent. It’s like a wave washed over everybody. Eddie simply stands there, no visible reaction besides the look of defeat.
Something tells you something is very, very wrong. Finally, Eddie speaks.
“Don’t you EVER bring up my wife again,” Eddie’s voice is breaking. “I loved her with my whole heart.”
Your world stops. Everyone else’s keeps going.
“Your wife?” you exclaim. “You have a wife?”
Billy exudes a Joker-like laugh as he watches the lore unravel.
“Ex-wife,” Eddie corrects himself. “We’re separated.”
His gaze burns into Billy.
“Since you’re such a historian, Hargrove,” Eddie hisses. “I’m afraid you missed the part where Isabelle used me to get her hands on my business and then weaponized the fact that she’s a woman to try and tarnish it during our separation. But of course, it doesn’t feed your narrative about me so you’re purposely leaving it out.”
“That’s what you get then,” Billy’s tongue glides against his inner cheek. “For getting involved with an employee. They’re all the same. A bunch of gold-digging whores.”
It all makes sense now. You look over at Eddie. Plastered on his face is the same haunted eyes he had the night he tried to resist your advances. Now you know why Eddie was so hesitant to pursue you. He wasn’t playing hard to get. He was guarding his heart. And his business.
“So, you wanna tell us about the trafficking ring?” Billy questions.
“I didn’t try to sell her,” Eddie spat. “God dammit. Our marriage was bleeding into work so I had to send her to a different club. One I thought I trusted. But the owner stabbed me in the back also.”
“Yeah!” Chrissy adds. “He was an undercover pimp! Didn’t you read the court docs on the plane like you said?”
“He’s not exactly book smart, Chris,” Eddie smirks. “Too many big words for his big brain to handle.”
There’s nothing else for Billy to say. His failed attempt to paint Eddie as the bad guy and him as the hero did not go to plan. But as usual, Billy wants the last word.
“Stay away from my sister.”
And soon your wrists are suffocated by his grip again. You whimper in fear as Billy drags you along, angrily pulling you towards the exit while resisting your kicks and shoves.
“This is what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna go put your fucking clothes on,” Billy’s voice shakes. “Grab your shit, and you and Max are gonna come back home with me. Away from this shady bullshit.”
You can tell Billy is also terrified for you. But this is your story to write now. Not his. This is a narrative he cannot control.
“No!” you scream. “My new life is HERE.”
“The fuck it isn’t,” Billy denies. “Your life and Max’s lives are in California.”
“Are you deaf?” Steve demands. “She said no. Let her go.”
“Aw, now Walmart Ashton Kutcher has something to say!”
“Leave me alone, Billy,” you wail. “We are not going with you.”
“It’s all an inside job,” Billy is shaking now. “He’s no good for you, sis. Don’t you understand? How can you be so blind?”
“It’s my journey!” you roar. “And my life. You don’t get to control me anymore, especially since you’re part of the problem. And I’d rather be provided for by men like you than live with you ever again.”
Billy can only chuckle. “You’re delusional.”
He grabs Max on the way out.
“Max come on.”
“NO!” Max refuses.
Steve jumps in front of her and pulls her behind him. Billy rushes to grab Steve but is pushed back by Henry.
“Why are you grabbing Harrington?” Henry demands.
“Why’s he grabbing my sister?”
You’re waiting for Billy to face Henry’s wrath. He’s already trying to create space between the both of you so that you can wriggle free.
“HEY!”
To your surprise, the fist that meet’s Billy’s nose isn’t Henry’s.
“EDDIE!” Chrissy shrieks.
“WHOA MAN!” Steve screams, trying to run and stop the fight but Henry tackles him.
“EDDIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Dustin demands. “EDDIE, STOP!”
Billy is blindsided by Eddie with little to no time to react. Eddie gets two good punches in when he’s sprawled on top of him.
But Billy is quick to bounce back. Already accustomed to punches, Billy allows Eddie a few more blows to tire him out. When his hair gets in the way, Billy grabs Eddie by the wrist and tosses him off, hoisting himself over him to get him in a headlock.
“Son…of…a BITCH!” Eddie elbows him.
And as Billy scrunches to block his ribcage, Eddie gets him with a good left hook and a right cross-jab.
Blood splatters from Billy’s nose onto the surrounding area.
“HOLY SHIT!” Dustin shrieks.
“BILLY!” Maxine screams.
“You guys, STOP!” you order.
You rush over to your brother and attempt to pry him off. Steve rushes to Eddie and tries to do the same.
Billy’s stumbling back, unusual since he always wins fights. This is causing you to stumble back and lose your grip on him. Eddie gets a few more good punches in.
Jab. Jab. Jab. Jab-cross. Upper cut. Upper cut. And a seismic kick to the solar plexus.
Eddie Munson is strong.
“EDDIE, LEAVE HIM ALONE!” cries Chrissy. “YOU’RE GONNA KILL HIM IF YOU DON’T STOP.”
“Yeah?” Eddie mutters. “Well that’s kinda the plan.”
When he hears that, Henry stops whatever he’s doing to charge towards Billy and Eddie. You feel yourself grow lightheaded because of the amount of blood that has been expelled. You can almost smell the iron.
“Nope. That’s enough,” Henry declares, dragging your boss away this time.
Eddie has the advantage now during this time, and he uses all of it, punching Billy mercilessly into the ground. Billy tries to get up, but fails, and just when he’s not looking, Eddie sneaks a few roundhouse kicks to his head and neck.
The blood starts to pool.
“EDDIE, STOP!” everyone continuously chants.
“EDDIE, LET IT GO MAN!” Gareth begs.
“EDDIE, GET OFF OF HIM NOW!” Chrissy pleads.
“IT’S NOT WORTH IT!” Steve says to him.
“YES THE FUCK IT IS!” Eddie roars. “IT IS WORTH IT!”
The sound of glass shattering fills your ears as you look over at the boys. Henry managed to tackle Eddie in one brisk movement, unfortunately taking a small table that housed some beer bottles on it with them.
Now it smells like rust and Corona.
Gareth and Steve take over now, pulling Eddie away while Eddie cusses Billy out through his bloody nose. Meanwhile, Max rushes to Billy’s side and urges him to get out. Henry runs to her aid, dragging out your volatile twin brother so he wouldn’t harm anybody else. Billy’s out of sight now, but the thought of him still lingering in Hawkins until he sees you two again is unsettling.
“Whoa,” Steve exhales.
“What?” you ask him, crossing your arms in frustration.
“Eddie just fought someone,” he pants. “Your brother, Billy at that.”
You try to shrug it off. “Big deal,” you say. “Fights happen all the time here.”
“You don’t understand Hargrove,” Henry says, walking up you. “Eddie never fights anyone.”
You turn to face Henry.
“That’s what I’m here for,” the unscathed bodyguard explains.
———————-
The first person you go over to is Max. Consoling each other, you both hug one another and rock back and forth.
You look off into the corner and see Dustin with a tampon, trying to shove it up Eddie’s bloody nose while Nancy watches in amusement. Eddie swats Dustin’s hands away, mumbling, “Get that shit away from me” and setting for Kleenex instead.
“Shy Girl,” Nancy calls out. “Please come and get your man.”
Confused that she’s even talking to you that way, it dawns on you that Nancy is talking about Eddie. You walk towards Nancy, who is behind the bar, supervising Eddie and Dustin from a distance.
“Do you have some ice?” you ask her.
She holds up a pack she had been preparing.
“Way ahead of you love,” Nancy says.
You chuckle and thank Nancy as you take the ice from her. She gives you a nod, you’re welcome.
“He’s not my man, by the way,” you add, correcting her. “Just did something really sweet.”
“Well does his ass know that?” Nancy raises a brow. “Only a dumbass in love does shit that crazy and stupid.”
You look over at Eddie. His eyes find you at the same time. Chrissy is over in the corner with Nina, talking her down from the anxiety witnessing a fight that bloody must’ve caused her. Steve is over at the lair still, thinking. You can’t read the expression on his face.
Your grip on the ice pack tightens as you walk closer to Eddie. He gives you a nod and a terrible excuse of a wave, slowly wincing in pain after the slightest raise of his left arm.
“You are vile,” you say in his voice from the day it all fell apart. You extend your hand with the ice pack in it to him.
Feeding into your truce, Eddie looks up at you with a faint smile. He takes the ice pack in his hand.
“I prefer the term protective,” he parrots you.
———————————
🏷️ tag list: @battymunson , @the-fairy-anon , @ali-r3n , @corrodedcoffincumslut , @bebe07011 , @mmunson86, @eddiesguitarskills , @chelebelletx , @imonhereforareasonsadly , @eddies-trailer-babe @hideoutside , @motherfckerr, @jxpsi , @munson-magic , @lindseyj23, @sidthedollface2 , @manda-panda-monium , @elvendria , @micheledawn1975 , @hereforshmut , @siriuslysmoking , @nymphetkoo , @m-chmcl-rmnc , @justinelittlewoodsworld , @ahoyyharrington , @keepittoyourselftellnobodyelse @kellyxo1 @emsgoodthinkin @winchester-angel @chloe-6123
#eddie munson#stranger things#stranger things 5#eddie munson fanfiction#Eddie munson fanfic#Eddie munson x reader#Eddie x reader#Joseph quinn#Joe quinn#Steve harrington#SoundCloud
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some more ieytd headcanons but ones specifically centered around zoraxis staff. prism is mentioned but not really in a spoiler way. nothing is mentioned that the trailers haven't already revealed so idk
Juniper
Struggles to keep long term relationships of any type because showing that he cares about people is incredibly difficult for him. He likes to imply it and just… hope the other person knows. But what seems obvious for him is incredibly vague for others around him.
(He has lost most of his friends and all of his partners to this phenomenon and he’s really bitter abt it)
He hates embarrassment so much that the second he starts to feel it his brain translates it straight into rage. Unfortunately, this quick fuse normally causes something to happen that only embarrasses him further.
He talks to himself a lot. Which means that he thinks to himself out loud, but he also literally talks to himself. Refers to himself as ‘John’ and hypes himself up whenever he’s about to do something he deems important.
His conceit actually comes at the consequence of making him incredibly paranoid. Whenever someone’s talking or laughing, he always needs to take a second to eavesdrop and make sure they’re not talking about him.
Roxana
Suffers from very intense time blindness- both in regards to her work, as well as her personal life.
Robutler being there was probably the only thing stopping herself from wasting away after she left the Agency. She can, will, and has forgotten to eat, drink, and sleep while she’s been working on projects before.
Names are incredibly important to her. They’re a sign of basic respect, and over the years that mentality has affected how she communicates with… pretty much everyone around her. She uses them a lot more than the average person would because of that.
(It makes talking w/ Fabby so hard because calling her ‘Fabricator’ feels. bad. That’s not a name dude. even Zor has a name Fabs come on work with her here.)
Really hates unpredictability. Only eats from a small pool of foods because that’s the only stuff she’s absolutely certain she’ll like. Working with her robots is so comforting because she’s always aware of exactly what their thought process is going to be.
Solaris
She’s naturally very loud. Volume control is pretty much never at the forefront of her mind, but at the same time she gets really annoyed when people tell her to keep it down.
Believes (wrongfully, mind you) that everyone else has at least a neutral relationship with her. Is completely unaware that some of the crew are absolutely terrified of her.
Says what she means and means what she says; rarely ever sugarcoats stuff, and hates needing to decipher other people when what they mean and what they say don’t intertwine.
Praise doesn’t really do anything for her. Obviously it’s nice to receive, but it doesn’t make her feel any better about the work she does. In that regard, she’s entirely self motivated.
She’s very prone to sleepwalking. She’s learned the hard way to cut herself off from her projects and actually go to bed after too many incidents of her wandering around in the lab, bumping into who knows what.
Fabricator
Gets mad easily, and stays mad for a really long time. The sort of person to shake with how visceral her anger is. ‘An eye for an eye’ is one of her daily affirmations, she is not above revenge in the slightest.
She enjoys the way that most people shrink away from her in fear, and plays up her unnerving demeanor just for the fun of it sometimes. However, sometimes people will be scared of her when she’s not even trying, and she will be completely oblivious as to why.
(It's like that scene in Bad Guys where they can’t even get a check for their meal because the staff are all cowering, so they just have to leave the cash on the counter. Waiters in the kitchen drawing straws trying to decide who’s gonna be forced to serve her)
Poison has been her special interest since before she was even working with Zor. Obviously, they’ve only fueled that fire of hers since.
Absolutely adores creatures that people would consider stereotypically terrifying, so long as they have aesthetic appeal. She’d wear a live snake around her neck like a feather boa. She baby talks to Zor’s scorpions. She takes design inspiration from tarantula coloration. You get me.
Speaks with her hands a lot. If you stand too close to her she’ll probably poke your eye out.
#ieytd#i expect you to die#headcanons#the fabricator#commander solaris#john juniper#roxana prism#me and the girlies 💕 (and juniper too ig 🙄)#none of them are neutotypical. that's the theme of this specific compilation.#writing these down mainly so that i can keep a consistent interp of them inside of my mind. jic i want to write w them more in the future
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@wellhappybirthdaytomeiguess:
Fascinating to me that a nun commiting suicide TWICE drove two of the big background events: John identifying soul (when she puts a bullet in her brain) and the Lyctors being forced to take the final step in the process (when she talks Alfred into a suicide pact).
Yeah. Cristabel seems to have been a very strange person. I noticed there was also a mention of her and Alfred meditating together in this chapter, I guess he must also be pretty strange even for a hedge fund manager
John needed the suicidal nun too be able to identify the 'individual code' that identified separate souls within the larger 'program' of the 'world soul' I think. Once he did that he could get that specific about souls....I think.
Yeah, he was able to see the individual soul at that point, but it said he was still not able to do anything with it because Alecto was there
@eye-lantern:
For the nun, well. She is a nun, so the soul is more important than politics. She has found here second coming, but the idiot is raving about how the merchants in the temple are not funding his project instead of becoming closer to his Father. She has a few loose screws but a very clear sense of purpose
@wellhappybirthdaytomeiguess:
@eye-lantern This comment about the nun is really well said, in my view. She was a zealot, both before and after what happened, but she seemed to believe deeply in the 'holy' mission.
When you put it like that, I guess I can see it. I wonder what she is actually like on the other side, after they all come back and I guess have probably forgotten Christianity?
The reference to the shaman and the sun refers to a Maori legend about catching the sun in the sky (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tamanuiter%C4%81)
Ahh, neat. But John envisioning himself as Maui (if I understand that right) now makes me think of him singing the "You're Welcome" song from Moana. It's interesting that Maui shows up in both Hawaiian and Maori mythology
@eye-lantern:
I agree that John's decision make little sense, and to me that's part of the message
He is a random dude who was given power over life and death in the most stressful situation of his life. He couldn't handle it better. Anyone in this situation would have their worst aspects exacerbated and for him it was his vindictivness. He misuses it immediately because he is hooked on directly to the absolute power of a screaming mad planet. A few days of lack of sleep can fuck up your reasoning so bad, and he was already at his lowest.
His behavior after becoming Jod is more logical, but informed by the fact that no one can ever harm him, and he can kill with a thought. Life has lost all human like stakes to him. It's nothing more than a game to play with his dolls/friends.
Oh, yeah, I get that he was stressed out and sleep deprived and made a bunch of bad decisions, but like for days up to this he keeps talking about how how it's so important that the trillionaires not be allowed to leave, and nobody tells him that that's not right. Well, I think Augustine maybe did once, when he was like "why don't you do some good wizard shit", and Cassipeia said so way too late, but when John was all like "we have to stop them!" at the beginning of the chapter, no one said anything. I feel like there were some sensible people in this group who should have said something sensible at that point? Mercy, Augustine, Pyrrha, Cassiopeia?
For the burnt thumb thing, when you hurt a finger a lot of instinctual reflexes are: aply pressure, get close to you, and for a burn, wet. So a lot of kids shove any hurt finger in their mouth. Also works for bleeding.
Sure, but I don't see how that relates to "it's human nature to take things" because you're not taking anything by doing that?
And my personal theory for the gift she gave him. She gave him an instinctual look in the working of a plane of the laws that regulate the world. Kinda like how humans and some species evolved to understand abstraction, that allowed them to use tools, and even make them. But when discovering a new concept it's easier to use it to hurt than to heal of build. If you give a sharp rock to someone, they'll understand how to make a weapon before using it to fray plants and create rope. John is a monkey given a toolbox and he realise the hammer breaks things, and did not go in depth with the mastic and spackle because it did not do anything interesting immediately. I think if he had not focused on death, the "easy" option of what he was given, he may have realised he had powers that could have saved humanity
I don't know. I mean, it seems like necromancers generally can work with organic material, but might not be so good at changing the climate or neutralizing pollution. Or do you think that John's powers are significantly different than necromancy, and the powers of regular necromancers don't ultimately come from Alecto, but are just a different thing caused by the thanergy radiation from the undead planets?
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TIMING: Before Jasper lost his face
LOCATION: Shimmering Sky Bar
PARTIES: Siobhan (@banisheed) & Jasper (@eatdearth)
CONTENT: (alcoholism tw) some implications to alcoholism, alcohol consumption is heavily involved
SUMMARY: Siobhan invites her best friend* Jasper out for some drinks, which he's never had before. They talk. And then Jasper really talks.
*she thought it would be funny to say he was her best friend. The verdict is still out on if it was funny
Siobhan could count the things she knew about Jasper on one hand: he seemed boring, he had great hair and he had, for some reason, accepted her admission that they were best friends. She’d said it to annoy him and yet, he didn’t seem very annoyed at all by the sudden statement. Siobhan didn’t know what that meant. Was he lonely? Did he want to make friends that badly? Or did he truly not care? There was also the possibility that Jasper was playing her for a fool; that while she intended to annoy him, he had planned to annoy her back by not being annoyed. Jasper didn’t strike her as the type to be masterminding an entire scheme from the shadows, but what did she know? She thought it was impossible that anyone could have gone through life without sampling a cocktail, but some people also considered her as someone who drank too much. Maybe her opinion didn’t matter but what did those people know?
The Shimmering Sky Bar was thankfully devoid of any usual bustle, so no one was privy to Siobhan grumbling into her cosmopolitan about imaginary arguments. Of course, except for the bartender who shot her several concerned looks down the bar. She’d asked Jasper to meet her here as she assumed there would be no better place for fancy cocktails but she’d also shown up early just to get a few extra drinks in. When Jasper did show up, she was already a little flushed and very friendly. “Jaspie!” She called out to him like he actually was her best friend. She ran up and gave him a hug like he was one too. “This way.” She gestured to the bar. “I got us the best views of the, uh…” She then gestured out the windows, at the lush greenery around them and the distant landmarks of the range. “You live somewhere around here, don’t you?” She took a seat at the bar, patting the stool beside her. “How are you feeling?”
—
Jasper had always thought Doctor Dolan was attractive. But that was about it. Any other thoughts he might have had regarding that matter, he chose to not entertain further. Because professionalism. But the fact was, Jasper was a pretty lonely guy, which meant it was almost second nature for him to think everyone else was attractive, especially if they were new, especially if they hadn’t yet had the displeasure of hearing about the rumors that were plaguing his occasionally forgotten reputation: Dude was awkward “af” that he was basically socially inept and he lived in the mountains alone. He wasn’t exactly someone anyone else would invite to a “rager” or whatever. So when Doctor Dolan invited him out for drinks, calling him her best friend, he was beyond ecstatic. A night out with a gorgeous woman? Best day of his life.
“Doctor— I mean, Shiv!” Jasper feigned, awkwardly at that, an air of being nonchalant. He wanted to seem like he had just arrived, that he was thinking of not even showing up in the first place, even though he had been there a few minutes earlier than the arranged time, pacing in a dark alley while trying to hype himself up for this “date.” It wasn’t, of course, but Jasper was too lonely and socially repressed to know the difference. Case in point: He reacted to the hug a little too late, tried to hug her back but she was already leading her to the bar, so he just pretended nothing ever happened. “You look good,” he fumbled as soon as his lips parted, the words seemingly pushing against each other as they tried to escape his mouth. “I mean, the view looks good… You also look good! You and the view both look good? Professionally speaking, of course.”
“Hmm? Oh, I, uhm, I’m feeling…rather…well,” Jasper feigned a cough as he sat on the offered stool, leaning on his arms on the countertop, a huge goofy grin on his face as he looked around for no real reason than the fact that he hadn’t been there, and if he even had, it was definitely not with a lovely lady. “How about you, Doctor—Shiv?”
—
“I always look good,” Siobhan said quickly: an automatic response to being complimented. Of course, she did also preen a little--touched by Jasper’s display of common sense. Yes, yes she was attractive and she was very keen on everyone knowing it. “You look…” Jasper wasn’t unattractive--to say so would be an obvious lie--but she also thought he carried himself like he was worried his mother would scold him for being out too late. “You look hot,” she settled on, patting his shoulder in hopes that she could pass on even a shred of her abundant confidence to him. She smirked. “Professionally speaking, of course.”
Siobhan wondered for a moment, watching Jasper smile, if he was actually several children wearing the suit of a man. It would explain things. What things, exactly, she didn’t know but it certainly felt like things would be explained if Jasper was somehow not who he said he was. Was this another attempt at demoralizing her? Of ruining her game? Not only was he not annoyed that she was overly familiar, he seemed to be thrilled about it. “Well, I’m so happy to be out with my best friend.” She tested the waters, waiting for a flicker of annoyance or disapproval to cross his face. “Bestest bestest friend.” She grinned widely, too widely, and immediately she decided she needed drinks.
She waved the bartender down, “Shirley Temple right? You mentioned it, why not try it?” Siobhan ordered two Dirty Shirleys and prayed they would come with lightning pace. “You know, I was just thinking, you’re my bestest friend and I hardly know a thing about you. Other than the fact you lick rocks, of course.” Again, she waited.
—
‘Oh, no, are we gonna fuck?’ was the first thing that came to Jasper’s mind when Siobhan called him ‘hot,’ though he immediately tried to chase that unprofessional thought away with a mental head shake. It was a combination of a lot of things that gave birth to that stupid thought: (1) the fact that no one has ever called him ‘hot,’ not even the girls that he was dating individually; (2) it has been a while since he’s had intercourse or even been intimate with anyone; and (3) he forgot for a moment that the word ‘hot’ could also refer to a high degree of heat or temperature. Like a fever, which this whole exchange was beginning to seem to him. A fever dream, more precisely.
The concern from that now-dissipated thought did not come from not wanting the possibility, too, as even a dunce would realize that Jasper would do it with a pole if it was wearing a skirt…or however that hilarious but hurtful remark from Professor Nancy Go went. No, it was more the fact that he and Siobhan were coworkers, and Jasper thought that being intimate with a coworker never ends well. Case in point: Him and Nancy, who has now taken to his home as her second home despite the fact that they were no longer being intimate. If only he could just tell her off. Then again, he couldn’t even tell his late uncle’s dog off for being such a snooty snoot to him.
“Yes,” Jasper heaved a sigh of relief when Siobhan established the parameters of their ‘relationship,’ though a small part of him was a bit disappointed. “Best friend,” he reiterated the term to drill the same into his often uncooperative brain. Well, the social part of it. Some days Jasper was a hair away from being one of those villainous turds in She-Hulk, a show which he actually loves, by the way. Fortunately for him, today was not one of those days.
“Bestest best friend!” Another mental sigh of relief before Jasper nodded at the drink choice, sheepishly grinning like an apologetic child whose hand was just caught in the cookie jar by his mother, before shaking his head in protest at that last bit. “Well, actually, I don’t lick rocks. My tongue’s reserved for licking something else. Like stamps. Or ice cream. Popsicles? Anyway, what would you like to know? Most of the things about me are on my personnel file or the university faculty website, anyway.” Weird way to say he was boring and uninteresting but it wasn’t the worst way he could have gone about it.
—
“Or licking pu--” Siobhan stopped herself, looking at Jasper. She wasn’t sure how well the joke would land and, anyway, she wasn’t entirely convinced that Jasper wasn’t actually a child. Somehow. “I don’t read things on the internet.” Siobhan waved her hands around. “There’s too many words and not all of them are true.” Mostly, it was that the large majority of words on the internet were written by humans and if Siobhan wanted to puncture her brain with the continued stupidity of humanity, she’d assign essays to her class. She avoided them for a reason. “You’re here now, aren’t you?” She nudged Jasper, smiling brilliantly. “Why don’t I hear it from your cute mouth?” She pinched his cheek. No, that was his real skin. She supposed he was just one of those weird humans; the sort that grew up all wrong.
The drinks arrived too slow for Siobhan’s liking, but their presence was welcome. “In actuality, a Shirely Temple isn’t an alcoholic drink,” she said with a laugh, as though she’d ever willingly order something without alcohol. “Not this one though. Cheers, love.” She didn’t wait to clink her glass against his, taking the first full and quick sip. Ginger Ale and Grenadine was a sweet mix, the presence of vodka was hardly noticeable under all the sugar. The cherry was a welcome addition. She hummed, her cold skin slowly warming. Quickly, she ordered two Bloody Mary’s: the other drink Jasper had mentioned. “What do you think, Jaspie?” She took another long sip. The more she drank, the less she would question why she was doing this.
Against her best efforts, it really did seem like Jasper wanted to be here and would have fun. None of that was Siobhan’s intention.
—
If Jasper had a drink sloshing in his mouth hole, he would have spat it all out when he realized what Siobhan was about to say before she cut herself off. It took him a second, sure, but he realized it as soon as he could. Eyes wide in horror, he couldn’t help but stare at Siobhan because of that, his cheeks flushing red, before turning away and feigning a cough to save himself from more unprofessional thoughts. “That’s fair,” Jasper swallowed air.
Even before Siobhan pinched his cheek, he was already feeling uncomfortable…but in a good way, if that was even a thing, which it probably isn’t, which just means that Jasper did indeed grow up wrong. Hard to grow up right when he was raised by the same uncle that slaughtered the rest of his family without Jasper’s knowing because said uncle feared their magic bloodline was the cause for all the weird shit in town, which of course wasn’t. But, hey! She called his mouth cute. That’s something, right? “I mean, I don’t lick rocks, so that’s one thing. I have a dog? Val, short for Valentine, but technically, she was my late uncle’s, so I guess I just inherited her…among other things. You do already know I live by myself, with my dog, in the mountains, I think?”
“Oh, it isn’t?” Jasper was genuinely flummoxed, a word he was reacquainted with just the past week and has not taken a liking to, which means he will most likely use that same word a lot in his next few classes. “I’ve always thought it was.” Jasper watched her take her drink, his eyes subconsciously fixated on his lips as he swallowed air, feeling his own throat dry up, constrict on its own volition. “I think that’s hot,” he blurted out before catching himself, immediately taking a sip of his own drink to conceal his stupidity to little avail. “I mean, uhm, it’s delicious… You’re delicious… This drink is delicious!” And it was, which surprised him. It wasn’t like he didn’t think he’d like the drink. It was more like he didn’t think it would be that good. “Oh, this really is delicious! Shirley, you’ve surely created magic here! I think I’m in love!”
—
Siobhan tried to listen to Jasper, but he was doing that thing humans often did where they were unbearably boring and her alcohol was doing the thing where it wasn’t working fast enough. She stared down at her drink, noticing it was empty. When had that happened? Siobhan looked back up at Jasper, smiling tightly. “Surely you must have some hobbies,” she said. “There has to be more to my bestest friend ever than his dog and his house and the fact that he’s lonely—sorry, lives alone. Slip of the tongue.” She stuck her out, laughing as though she really cared about the error. She sloshed the ice around her glass. This was why she stabbed people, stabbing people always made them interesting. Unfortunately, she didn’t think it was wise to attack a colleague in a public space.
The Bloody Marys came down quick and Siobhan took hers before Jasper had even sipped his Dirty Shirley. “Hot? No, these are cold drinks. Do you want something hot, Jaspie?” She could probably order one, even if nothing came to mind right away. The more drinks she got the better, she needed Jasper to become interesting as soon as possible. The knife she kept strapped to her thigh burned against her flesh, begging for use. All she needed to do was reach through the slit of her dress and… “In love so soon? You should get higher standards.” She chuckled, the desire to stab him subsiding temporarily as she found the outburst adorable, in that way a dog chasing someone around for a treat was. Her preoccupation with violence had left her unaware of Jasper's slip-ups and staring. “This one is vodka and tomato juice and a variety of other things I can’t be arsed to remember. Cheers!” Again, she didn’t wait for him before taking a sip. “It’s more of a savoury one,” Siobhan explained. “I’m not sure if you’ll be so in love with this one.”
—
“I have a massive pe—” Jasper cut himself off, realizing his little joke might land him in hot water if he continued. Siobhan seemed like she could take the joke. Pun intended. If that was even a pun. But would Jasper risk his only source of joy, his only semblance of life, his only…hobby, for a few seconds of a chuckle? He’d rather not. “—atience. I am very patient. Not a hobby, but that’s something more to me, I think.” Weird, flimsy train of thought, but that was all he had before he took another sip of his drink. “Don’t be,” he shrugged off what most people would consider an insult. Or at least take offense to. It wasn’t wrong, anyway. He was lonely, and it wasn’t just because he lived alone. He was very lonely. “You have a pretty tongue, I mean you weren’t wrong.”
Another feigned cough to hide his slow descent into drunkenness. It was just one drink, barely even down to two-thirds, but Jasper was already feeling the alcohol. “It already feels hot,” he omitted the realization that the sensation was all within him. If it was even real. Could just be him. His mind playing tricks on him. The placebo effect. Because he thought the drink could make him drunk, he started feeling drunk. That sort of thing. “A lonely man can’t afford standards, Shibby,” he heaved a sigh, shaking his head, forcing his eyes into each socket before opening them as wide as he could, all while his head was down toward the table. “You had me at vodka!” He chuckled and downed as much as he could of the new drink, barely surviving the result. “You do this often? Drink these things?”
—
Siobhan thought she heard a joke, carried through the mumble of the bar around them. She stared at Jasper, wondering if he had the strength to finish it. No. Pity. Jasper as he stood now, or sat in actuality, was quickly gaining in mundanity. It wasn’t his fault he was boring, Siobhan thought the vast majority of humans were. He wasn’t saying anything riveting. She wanted the ‘hot goss’ as the humans said; the details so juicy Jasper hardly admitted them to himself. She couldn’t expect him to just talk, he needed to be lubed up—metaphorically. “I do have a pretty tongue,” she smiled at him. “Would you like to see something else that’s pretty?” Siobhan tugged on her gloves, setting them aside. With a shrug, her leather jacket fell away, hanging on the back of the stool. She maintained her glamour well, despite the alcohol; it was imperative that Jasper not see her scars and, as she was finding his lack of scandalous information boring, the concentration gave her something to do. Her dress, low-cut, was sleeveless and she pointed to her now bare arms. “Here are the ulna and the radius.” Siobhan traced each bone, showing Jasper where they sat under her skin. “And here’s the radial artery, where you can take my pulse.” She paused. “Do you want to?” As a banshee, there wasn’t much of a pulse to take, but she hoped his drunken stumbling around her arm to figure out why he wasn’t feeling a regular pulse would disarm him enough to be interesting.
Siobhan smiled, watching a tipsy flush reach Jasper’s face. She was feeling more inclined to be friendly, a little bold, but the more she drank, the more she thought she started to feel like herself. Sharp white canine teeth glistened when she smiled. “I do. You could call it an Irish tradition, but don’t say that to anyone that’s Irish. Except me, of course. You can tell me anything.” Siobhan’s grin expanded, pulling up into her cheeks. “Don’t you want to tell your best friend some very personal information? Something that will bring us closer? Don’t you want that, Jaspie?” And please, for the love of Death, she prayed it wouldn’t be another remark about his dog or his virtue of patience.
—
“Yes, and yes,” Jasper responded with zero hesitation and a passionate nodding of his head. He still took his time, however, despite his one-sided battle with alcohol. In his head, he was getting way too drunk, though he didn’t care: He was with a lovely woman. What better reason to be drunk? In reality, however, barely a single drink should make him drunk. If not for his subconscious willingness to hasten the process for the possibility of more intimate rewards, he would be more sober than a priest in the middle of his own mass in the Vatican with all the other priests watching him keenly. Siobhan’s offer was why Jasper was glad he wasn’t actually a priest.
As soon as he could, he immediately went to work, though he hesitated actually touching her. It could be a trap, meant to seduce him, and when his guard was lowered, while he was caught in such a scandalous position, she could scream and call him names and get him fired from his job, ruining his life forever. But a stolen glimpse at Siobhan’s alluring eyes made Jasper think she would do no such thing, so he smiled, ever the fool, happy to be one, glad to be tied around her pinky finger, and savored every contact he could make with her skin, her bone, her…pulse. Man, am I so drunk, I can’t even feel a pulse? “That’s weird,” he hiccuped. “I can’t find your pulse.” Maybe it’s in her left breast—icle, clavicle. Fuck! Even ‘drunk’, he wasn’t that rude. Or evil.
“You’re Irish?” Jasper absentmindedly blurted as he continued trying to find her pulse, as if he just needed more time to find it. Typical guy thing—if you know, you know. What Jasper should have known was the answer to his question. Her name was a dead giveaway. It was the only Irish name he knew how to spell. He made a note of that in his head after meeting a lovely Irish girl in the UK while at a seminar, the geology professor too scared to make the jump despite the many pushes she had given him, some even outright, including an invitation to her room on the final night they would ever see each other again. “What do you mean?” He asked, a lingering concern in his voice, as if he was about to get attacked by a hidden monster. Or reminded of a haunting regret in his love life. “Like my bank details? You’d be disappointed, but also you’d have to buy me dinner first. Jasper H. Langston is not an easy lay!” Nor is he a good one, his sober brain added, much to his faux drunkenness’ dismay.
—
“I have an accen—You know what, it’s probably just hard to tell where I’m from.” Siobhan forced herself to smile, watching Jasper fumble around her arm. She maintained concentration, picturing how her skin once was and how her wings once fluttered. Her hand snapped over Jasper’s, anchoring him to her cold skin. She grinned sharply, with all the excitement of a cat capturing a mouse. “Not your bank details…” Although the offer was tempting; how many cups of yogurt could she buy under his name? It wasn’t entirely necessary, as much fun as it would be, Siobhan had more than enough money between her salary, credit cards, and the men whose bank details she did steal. Siobhan leaned into him. “Something secretive, Jaspie. Something you’ve never told anyone.” There were probably more tactful ways to go about stealing secrets, but Siobhan didn’t particularly care. She thought Jasper was drunk anyway, never mind the reality that she’d had much, much more than him and was certainly feeling it. “Something you’re afraid to say; don’t worry; would I ever tell anyone?” She would probably tell someone. “It can be our secret.” It wouldn’t be. “Who would I tell, anyway?” This part was true, and did reveal that even though Siobhan had no respect for the secrets of humans, she didn’t have any friends (except Metzli) and thus, had no one to share the hot goss of Jasper’s life with.
Siobhan reached for her drink, downing the last of her Bloody Mary. “I just think…we’re such good friends aren’t we? I let you find my pulse—that’s my heart—and what are you giving me? You told me about your dog! I don’t want to know about your dog.” Siobhan leaned in again, displaying every drop of alcohol on her breath—which was otherwise minty fresh (she enjoyed a good mint). “Come on, Jaspie.”
—
“I mean, yeah, I just thought you were from Boston or something,” Jasper shrugged, before he was caught by surprise when Siobhan unexpectedly grabbed his hand. His eyes, wide in shock, warily searched for hers, and when they met, the geology professor could only gulp. She had pretty eyes, that was the first thing that came to his mind, before her words slowly made their mark in his brain.
“I…have never slept with someone who wasn’t in a relationship with me,” the words started to spill from his mouth, like an unsuspecting leak on a pipe in someone’s basement. She wanted secrets, right? Something he’d never told anyone. Well, Jasper had a lot of them, and all of them he’d never told anyone. Or at least that’s what he believed in his supposedly drunken state. Truth was, Jasper’s lips loosen every time he was out of his mind, even when he only believed so.
“I’ve been trying to learn magic but I suck at it… I lost my childhood friend in the mines and have been trying to find her still, even though she’s probably already found her way out and moved on with her life or dead and eaten by whatever’s down there, if there’s even things down there… I love pineapples on my pizza and hot sauce on my ice cream… I do think some of my students are hot, but I would never… I also think you’re hot and you’re so close to me right now and you smell so good and feel so good…” Throughout his word vomit, or is it words vomit?, Jasper found himself unable to look away from Siobhan, as if enthralled. While the jury might still be debating on whether Jasper H. Langston was in fact an easy lay, there was no doubt right now that he was definitely an easy prey.
—
For the moment, Siobhan could ignore that Jasper thought she was from Boston (she actually liked Boston, she’d had great clam chowder there and at least seven murders she was proud of). She could ignore that Jasper had never slept with anyone he wasn’t in a relationship with, which was a very boring slice of information but as soon as he said that, she could tell they were finally getting somewhere. And then he went on. Magic, mines, pineapples, hot sauce, students—that last one made Siobhan’s nose wrinkle which was quickly appeased by being told she was hot. Of course, it meant less when it came after a sentence where he admitted some students were hot, but Siobhan was always hungry for compliments.
Siobhan snapped her hand away and slipped her jacket back on. “So, you’re a…witch then, are you?” She went to take a sip of her drink, then realized there was nothing in there, then got sad. She set it back down with a disappointed clink. “A very shite witch?” Was this an interesting fact or just the only one that provided any use to her? “D’you get yourself a teacher?” She slurred a little, leaning back into her stool. She played around with the other details in her head, trying to figure out how to file them away. “Your friend went into the mines…” she repeated. “…and you don’t know if she’s dead or alive?” As a banshee, she was uniquely capable of figuring out if someone had died but the process wasn't as easy as thinking really hard about it. She’d have to travel the mines, sorting through all the visions of death that lingered there until she found one that matched his friend; the process was tedious and with a place as large as the network of underground tunnels, it wasn’t likely she’d ever find the spot. And, more importantly, it would involve wanting to help Jasper; that was the larger hurdle to jump.
“Can’t you magic a location spell?” Siobhan waved her hand around in the air. “Sprinkle sage in one of her old shoes and go ‘where is she’ and let the tea leaves show you or whatever it is you witches do these days. Back in my day, it was a lot of herbal nonsense and chalk-drawn sigils. These days maybe you witches have got an app for this.” She tapped her finger against the bar counter. “Oh, sorry.” She patted Jasper’s arm. “I’m not going to sleep with you—you’re not my type, too pathetic—but valiant effort with the compliments, Jaspie.” Now that she has squeezed what she wanted out of Jasper, she only lingered to see if he’d offer anything else up. With her hands gripping the counter, she was ready to leave as soon as he mentioned his dog again.
—
A witch? Jasper did a double take. Visually. With his head and neck and shoulders and upper body. Moving a bit away from Siobhan, as if he was disgusted at the thought of being called a witch. “I wouldn’t call myself a witch…” The immediate image in his head was that of a hag, and having forgotten in that moment in time how hot Marvel’s Wanda Maximoff was, he recoiled at the idea of himself being a hag. Maybe if he had better mentors, a magical one, he’d realize that hags are very, very sexy these days. Like Anne Hathaway in that movie he never actually saw. “Shit....e, yes, but not…”
“...no, no teacher unfortunately…” He heaved a very audible sigh before remembering he did get those ‘lessons’ from that weird guy. “I mean, not an actual teacher, but there was this guy who showed me the basics…” What was his name again? Johnny? Johnny Jones? Not Johnny Cage, that one’s a much cooler guy. And also white…r? Anyway, Jasper just had to squint at Siobhan when she mentioned his friend but then remembered, regretfully so, that he had shared that information just seconds ago after a moment of weakness. “Yes,” he swallowed air, feeling his throat suddenly deprived of moisture. “But that was a long time ago. We were kids… I’m still holding hope she’s down there somewhere, still alive… Weirder things have happened.” Like a very attractive woman taking to him as her best friend.
“I…don’t know a single location spell,” Jasper grew red in embarrassment. He’s already admitted he was a shit spellcaster but actually displaying how much of a shit spellcaster he was was, well, a bit worse. “I can only do, like, rock spells. Levitating rocks… Throwing stones without touching said stones…” What was even the point of him being a spellcaster, he realized that then and there. “Oh, I mean, I didn’t,” he started to laugh awkwardly, trying to salvage what remained of his broken heart and equally broken ego by brushing that very patheticness aside. “...I was just saying you are very, very beautiful, but I would never…sleep with a colleague.” Jasper took a sip of his drink but almost stabbed his upper lip, the rim of the glass clanging against his teeth. “I mean, I already did and that didn’t work out, so…Plus, I’m already taking care of my uncle’s dog, so no room for more, hehehe…” Looks like it’s back to his right hand tonight. And the rest of his nights.
—
“Rock spells? Like The Rolling Stones spell.” Siobhan paused, waiting for laughter. Thankfully her delusional mind came with its own laugh track. Would she have use for a rock witch? She thought about it. Maybe he could help her landscape? Maybe she could get him to throw rocks at people for her amusement? She tapped her chin, imagining the multitude of ways to indenture Jasper into her service. In the end, she decided he wasn’t very useful. What kind of witch was a rock witch anyway? As much as she made fun of them, maybe she did miss the witches that made the weird herbal potions, at least they were fun. And all of them had bathtub booze of their own, which never tasted like anything Siobhan had had before or would have ever again. And then, it happened. Siobhan looked at him, blinking, hoping it had been some cruel joke. No, it happened. He did it.
He talked about his dog.
Siobhan pushed up out of her seat, nearly knocking the stool over. She took a wad of crumbled bills out of her pocket and slapped them down, hoping it was enough to pay for them both but knowing it probably wasn’t. “I have to go,” she announced, straightening herself up. “If I hear you talk about one more horribly mundane topic again, I’m going to explode. Do you think I asked you here to talk about your dog? Does anyone want to talk about your dog?” She laid her hand on his shoulder. “Jasper. Jaspie.” She pinched his cheek softly. “You’re so cute. You’re my best friend, because I said so, so we’re making it so. I think if you talked less you’d have more, as the humans say, bitches. As a woman who grew up around women, I think I should reject the term. As a drunk, I will not. Get bitches, eat money, lick rocks, whatever it is they say. But please, for the love of Death, don’t talk about your uncle’s dog.” She leaned into him, pressing a swift kiss to his forehead before she dashed away, running as fast as she could in her high heels just in case he decided to mention the dog again.
She wouldn’t be able to handle another second of Jasper.
#jasper made me laugh so hard#every line of his is golden#im still screaming about it#c: jasper#writing#s1#shirley temple#alcoholism tw
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What do you think of a Harley/Harvey romance? Or do you think they won't just fit and better left as friends or antagonists? Do you think Harvey would be a good fit as the 'token dude' among the Gotham Sirens (Harley, Ivy , Selina)?
Honestly, I don’t know what kind of dynamic Harley and Harvey should have. You’d think they’d have some common ground to build on, between their names and their taste in split fashion! But beyond that, they’re a pair of characters I can never quite figure out when it comes to them being together as anything but antagonists, which is boring to me.
(Note: when I speak about Harley, I’m taking about my own personal understanding of her, as I prefer the character. She’s been so inconsistent ever since she became the Sexy Elmo of the DCU, to the point that she’s more a vague merchandise concept than a character. For all intents and purposes of this, I’m thinking of her as Arleen Sorkin’s Harley from BTAS for the most part)
The big fundamental difference is that Harley is all about fun, while Harvey is all about pain. The guy literally wears his agony on his face, and is a big wet blanket for any irreverent antics Harley might want to commit. It's not even a Bert-and-Ernie situation where there's a wacky character and a stoic, straight-laced character, because Harvey is just TOO serious and TOO tormented to be any fun for Harley. There's little room for give-and-take between them. There's just Harley trying to be wacky while Harvey stares at her like someone who has entirely forgotten the concept of fun.
Now, that's not to say that Two-Face can't be a fun, wacky, flamboyant character for Harley to play with! But we'd have to go back to his late Golden Age characterization, where he was entirely focused on outlandish crimes based around the number two. I could possibly imagine a Harley who encourages Harvey to be that kind of Two-Face again, doing something like... oh, let's say, robbing a circus while riding on two horses at the same time. Harley might have a great time with THAT Two-Face!
Now, one might thinking about going the opposite direction. That, instead of encouraging his worst criminal instincts, there's some potential for Dr. Harleen Quinzel to actually be a healing influence on Harvey Dent. Unfortunately, I can't stop thinking about that comic where Mark Russell had Harley "cure" Harvey of needing to listen to his coin, which not only overlooks the core reasons why the coin is so important to him (Russell just kinda treated it as an obsessive quirk and no deeper), but it also shows how Harley's professional care only resulted in making for a more deadly, unpredictable Two-Face:
(Sidenote: brilliant as Russel is as a writer, you can tell he doesn't understand Two-Face because Batman doesn't refer to him as "Harvey.")
I'd love to see Harley as someone who truly empathizes with Harvey Dent, someone who actually understands his trauma from abuse and his internal divide, but it seems impossible to consider how both characters are usually written. It would require a Harley Quinn who actually does fundamentally care about helping people and a Harvey Dent who is written as both a good man and a victim.
Which is where Stjepan Šejić's Harleen was so fascinating and frustrating alike. Harvey is a major character there, and he's miswritten as a hardline dickbag who is all about being Hard On Crime, just for the sake of clashing with the tragically-empathic Dr. Quinzel.
This Harvey Dent is not sympathetic. He's a moralizing prick who straight-up advocates for a fascist police state, including releasing Arkham inmates to show Gotham in order to unleash martial law. It's a perversion of the subplot from the 1989 comic strips, where Harvey wants to resign for unwittingly almost aiding a plot to do exactly what he tries to do in Harleen. To top it off, this Two-Face is willing to re-flip his coin to get a desired result, which is just Bad Two-Face 101.
And yet, despite ALL that, Šejić makes an impressive stab at showing how his compassionate take on Harleen is two-of-a-kind with even this jerkass Harvey Dent.
Even now, I don't know what to make of this, nor do I know what it could possibly mean for either characters. But I remain intrigued by the potential implications of two tragic characters who both lost everything and became "monsters" all in the name of trying to help others. Two irreconcilable people, bound by fate and ideals and "Ha Ha."
So no, I don't know what kind of relationship these two could ever have. I'm even more doubtful there could ever be romance between them. But in other circumstances... who can say? Maybe in some AU, there's a tormented, scarred crime boss driven by revenge and punishing the Haves (Halves?) on behalf of the Have-Nots, and he surprises even himself by bonding with a whimsical, colorful, tortured, and tragically unstable mischief-maker in pigtails.
Maybe. Just maybe that'd work.
#and while I'd love to see Harvey as the token dude in a girl gang#I think Riddler was already the perfect choice there#I have my own ideas for the dream team for Harvey to lead though#harvey dent#harleen quinzel#harley quinn#twoface#two face#batman
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"So, you have an interesting friend," Steve's mom says, while they are putting the dishes into the dishwasher, and getting the table ready for dessert.
"But, you know son," his dad interjects. "He doesn't seem like the kind of person who will enable you to... "His dad makes a wheel-like gesture.
"To what?" Steve plays dumb.
"...You know, move forward in life."
"Yes," his mom interjects. "We know it's been hard for you, not getting into college, and with these little jobs... But they're not forever, you know that."
That hasn't been hard at all actually, Steve wants to say. I have great friends. I love my life. I fought monsters. What has been hard has been figuring out everything alone.
But his parents wouldn't understand any of that.
"Oh he's not my friend," Steve mentions casually instead.
"He's not?" His parents exchange confused looks.
His mom looks relieved. "Oh, I see. You decided to do that poor guy a favor–"
"He's my boyfriend," Steve states, calmly.
His parents freeze.
His mom gasps, leaning onto the faux-marble countertops.
Steve watches it nonplussed. His father sighs and massages his temples, his brows furrowing.
"We have a plane tomorrow first thing in the morning. We don't have time for this," he says, checking his golden watch.
"Let me speak to your mom," he commands.
Steve nods and walks to the living room, where they had set up the table.
Eddie shoots him an inquisitive look when Steve sits back down.
"Everything's fine," Steve smiles back, reassuring.
Even if they do throw him out, which, Steve doesn't think they will, he's so rarely over here anymore it wouldn't make that much of a difference.
He'd have to tell the kids pool parties were over though.
It really is okay. And Eddie seems to sense that.
"Dude these macaron? Thingies? Are insane." Eddie tells him excitedly.
"Yeah. Mom says they're very difficult to make because... Humidity. Don't know didn't get it. Anyway– she doesn't cook often. Much less bakes. So, enjoy."
They try out every little pastry-thingie, sharing snippets, pretending to be on a British cooking show.
"The gianduja notes in this one, dear" Eddie snickers.
"I think the ylang-ylang in this one overpowers the faint taste of delicate... Instant coffee from Walmart" Steve improvises back, the corners of his mouth twitching.
Steve's parents turn up like fifteen minutes later. His mom is twisting her fingers, slightly uncomfortable. "It was uhm lovely having you here Eddie."
"But it's getting quite late, wouldn't you agree?" His father completes, looking at Steve.
That's the tone he always uses when he's about to have a conversation with Steve about his future and tell him he's a disappointment.
Steve quickly glances at Eddie's watch. They have given his parents two hours.
"Oh yes, dad I agree," he stands up, and extends his hand to Eddie "Come on Munson, we're leaving."
"Okay," Eddie takes it and springs up, without question. If he notices Steve's parents' flabbergasted expressions, he doesn't comment on it.
"Well it was nice meeting you, Mr. Harrington, Mrs. Harrington," Eddie bows a little, and respectfully shakes hands with both of them, while they still stand there like stone statues who have forgotten their purpose.
His father stops Steve at the door, while Steve is putting on his shoes. "We'll talk about this next time, son."
Steve shrugs. "Sure."
He knows they won't.
_
"Rich people are f*ing weird."
Steve snorts. "Yeah."
"But that wasn't so bad? Eddie says, kicking gravel on the pavement.
Steve smiles wildly.
"Oh yeah. It was perfect."
___
<<Beginning <Previous
Read on ao3 (not the only thing in the chapter, read beginning notes)
#eddie meets steve's parents the end lol#steddie#stranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#fanfiction#upside to the down verse#el otro a mi lado#eddie x steve#steve x eddie
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les mis stage show thoughts (as promised) (it’s long) (and unedited)
Lost the playbill so I can’t credit the actors by name but Valjean and Eponine both had incredible voices
Before Valjean goes into Digne, he passes by Petit Gervais and steals the coin. Nice little easter egg that I could annoy my sister by pointing out
I’d forgotten how overtly Christian the musical is. Like, Jesus references everywhere. I guess this element is present in the book and all adaptations, but I think the musical lacks depth and complexity in its religious metaphors since it effectively cuts out the social commentary. Not begrudging the musical of this—I think in order to make an entertaining musical you’re going to cut out Hugo’s polemics—but still an observation.
What Have They Done To My Girl Fantine
^^This is one of two major complaints I have with the musical. Obviously, Hugo’s writing is riddled with strange misogyny, both unique to him and typical of his time. However, I’d argue he does try to portray his women sympathetically. Despite the ultimate message of lower-class women as victims of upper-class male society, the book’s Fantine does have agency. She is desperately trying to life a live free from the patriarchal realities of her day. The musical robs her of this agency. I may be misremembering, but I don’t believe the foreman wants to fuck her in the book, and I don’t think that builds resentment between her and her coworkers. You could maybe argue that this relationship between her and the foreman takes the narrative place of her relationship with Thomolyes, but I don’t think that’s a strong argument. I dislike how involved and kind she is with Valjean. I think it’s crucial to his relationship with Cosette that Fantine is effectively a stranger to him. I also dislike how she leads Valjean to heaven at the end of the musical. Again, I think it weakens her character because she becomes a supporting character to Valjean. But I digress.
Also I still think it’s weird to reverse Fantine’s descent into prostitution and the Fauchelevant cart incident. Not that problematic, just weird.
Who Am I is a great song though. Like watching it happen onstage is just fantastic. I adore a scene where you can see the characters running through time and space. It’s one of those scenes that can only happen in musicals, I think. Just super cool.
I wish it was insinuated in the musical that Javert’s appearance killed Fantine. But the choreography with Javert and Valjean during The Confrontation is sick as fuck. During this production, they did stuff with a chain.
I forget how valverty the musical is
The woman behind me kept laughing really loud at the Thenardiers. I forgot where the homophobic line is so I was distracted during those parts instead and forgot to laugh.
Mdme Thenardier is an interesting character because her writing is like sooooo misogynistic, dude. Not the musical’s fault here, though.
Little Cosette was cute.
Political background of the musical is not really explained at all. The audience is just expected to know about the June Rebellion and General Lamarque. Didn’t realize this until my mom asked me about it afterward (unfortunately I’ve developed a reputation for knowing things like this… not sure how). But now that I think about it, Les Amis and the barricade does seem super random. I think this has to do with nearly completely cutting out the whole class struggle part of Hugo’s Les Mis—or at least skimming over it or making it comedic. Pretty hard to cut it out completely. Honestly, I think the playbills should just come with a brief overview of French political turmoil at that time & that could solve a lot of issues.
Actor who played Grantaire was a good actor (maybe I was just highly attuned to him, though). All of his movement seemed to circle around Enjolras. He played the part of the cynic really well. I’ve read some other people’s reviews of the current US Tour that have said they’d heard Grantaire picked up inspiration from fic, and I could definitely see it here. Not just the whole Enjolras thing, but because he took a lot of care of Gavroche during the whole show. Maybe that’s an established stage Grantaire role, but I still enjoyed observing it.
But Maybe I Just Love Gavroche
However, What Have They Done To My Girl Eponine
^^This is my second major complaint with the musical. Reread everything I said for Fantine. The musical completely replaces her class struggle plot line with a romantic struggle plot line with some class difference undertones. Idk. I wish her relationship with Marius was explored differently, is all. She becomes an underutilized supporting character for Marius.
However, On My Own goes hard. I already mentioned that her actor just had a fantastic voice. She was incredibly talented, and I really wish I still had that playbill.
Where the fuck does Marius comes from? I didn’t realize that in the musical this is not explained at all anywhere. He’s just some random dude until he and Cosette have this lavish upper-class wedding. Kinda funny.
I also think it’s funny how politically involved musical Marius is. He’s not a loser at all! Poor guy. He’s noble and stuff. What a chore.
Drink With Me fucks incredibly (except the second part where Marius gets all sad and stuff). Grantaire put his everything into his lines—delivered with such vitriol toward Enjolras, but I have to give credit to Enjolras’s actor for displaying such complicated emotions toward Grantaire in their little stage time together. You could tell he cared for Grantaire deeply. They have several moments where they pressed heads together, shared long, meaningful looks, etc. Nice to see.
Bring Him Home was delivered so so well, but I can’t help but laugh a lil. His ass does not see him as the son he never had.
Woman behind me was WEEPING when Gavroche died.
The lighting during the barricade was absolutely incredible.
Grantaire was the last to die, and he did so in the same position as Enjolras had a few moments ago. The also pointed/saluted each other a lot. Again, nice easter eggs for those of us who Know. also he never touched a gun during the whole show. I think he’s handed one once but quickly passes it off. nice touch.
The staging during the sewers part was super cool. There was a projection on the back wall of the stage that moved and really created the illusion that Valjean and Marius are trudging through this long tunnel.
The rest of the musical I didn’t have much to say. I already said my piece on Fantine/Valjean.
To love another person is to see the face of God does kinda kill me right in my heart though (good way) (almost joined the woman behind me in tears)
#les miserables#les mis us tour#also i was like way in the back and without my glasses so i couldn't see great#don't ask me what anyone looked like i have no clue
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Persona 5 Royal musings after two months
For all both of you who are curious where I’m at in my first playthrough of Persona 5 Royal, I’m at the point where I’m extensively dealing with two of the most irritating “Confidants” in the game — Sae and Akechi. In other words, I’m at the “Casino”-themed palace.
It’s pretty wild that I’ve been playing this for two straight months every single night and still have lots left to go. I think I must’ve forgotten just how HEFTY these mainline Persona games are. They constitute a *commitment.*
Sae is more surprised to see her sister and colleague in the courtroom than she is to learn that the supernatural is real. Seriously.
Various thoughts at this time:
I really liked the structural and puzzle elements of the “Pyramid” palace the most of the ones I’ve experienced so far. I’ve gotten the most lost in the Casino — I wound up doing circles in one area like three times before I found my way out. And it’s interesting to me how the first two palaces had this whole “the closer you get to their treasure, the more distorted and insane the palace becomes” thing going, but they totally dropped that aspect after the second one.
I’m not really sure they justified the “space” palace very well. Every other palace has something to do with how the target perceives/interprets their location/reality, right? But there’s never any talk of that target perceiving his world as being in space or being a spaceship or anything like that. He’s just... really into space-themed stuff, and that’s it. *shrug*
Speaking of that palace, OH MY GOD THAT BOSS FIGHT. I had to attempt it four times, and I had to keep referencing strategy guides and tips online to optimize everything about it. I finally beat it on the fourth try with a whole 28 seconds to spare. Anyone who is coming into this game? I strongly recommend you look up how you can best prepare for that fight LONG before you reach it, because I had to spend a load of time creating special move cards, fusing various personas to reach perfect balance, leveling up specific characters to get them to have the moves I needed, etc. It SUCKED, but apparently this is a known issue with the “Royal” version among players. Evidently, he’s considered the hardest boss in the game now. So I guess it’s all downhill from here, at least... ? Maybe. (ETA: Yes, it was smooth sailing from here.)
Is it me, or do some of the lesser targets within Mementos really seem like they should have their own full-blown palaces? From a story perspective, that is. Take the leader of the “ADP,” the person you have to target for the “Fortune” confidant: This dude’s influence spreads pretty far, and he’s done a ton of messed-up things to lots of people over the course of numerous years. It sure seems like he’d be palace-worthy... he just doesn’t have one because he’s not part of the MAIN storyline. You get me?
Considering that they are now Japan’s Most Wanted, the Phantom Thieves sure suck at keeping a low profile. The team’s roster has grown to TEN friggin’ members with the addition of Jerky Akechi, and that’s not even getting into how everyone whose confidant I max out suddenly knows I’m a phantom thief... even if it doesn’t make any sense for them to figure that out. (I’m looking at you, “Sun.” There’s just no way, dude.)
Oh, good! I’d been worried that my disdain was one-sided.
Ever since the two protags of Persona 3 Portable brought us such distinct personalities for our heroes via their dialogue options, it’s been downhill for the series’ protagonists. P4′s leader - Yu Narukami - and P5′s “Joker” (a.k.a. Ren Amamiya) are basically blank slates as presented in the games. Their dialogue choices make it clear that they are both largely unflappable, but otherwise? Their personalities are pretty malleable. The subsequent spinoffs and (especially) the anime adaption of P4 helped shape Yu into more of a clear character, at least, but... Joker seems to possess the potential to be largely the same dude? His sense of humor is quite similar, at least, but I guess we can’t say for sure how much he uses those options. I’m just starting to watch the P5 anime — which I’m hoping will more clearly delineate who he is — but I don’t have any kind of handle on him yet. EXCEPT...
Mishima is a wonderful boy who deserves NOTHING but friendship and respect. However, more than once I’ve been handed a list of dialogue choices that are nothing but demeaning towards him. I seriously can’t even believe the outing to the theme park with Mishima, in which Joker is a) invited there by Mishima, b) comes across entitled pissant Shinya Oda, and c) promptly decides to ignore Mishima in favor of Oda. What the FUCK. This leaves me thinking that if Joker DOES have any clear personality, it’s “guy who treats loyal friends pretty shitty.” ........Damn. I guess you only get kindness and attention from Ren if you’re either actively helping him in the Metaverse or might potentially fuck him. Otherwise, he ain’t got time to care about you. COLD.
"Whoaaa! Looking like a dick, Joker!” - Morgana, probably
No matter what I may gripe about above, I’m still addicted to this game. Can’t help but still love the series in its P3-and-onward incarnation. And much like previous games, I tend to find the day-to-day choices of how to spend my time to be more addictive and enjoyable than the actual dungeon-crawling play.
Yusuke may not be a party member I use all that often, but as a character? He’s absolutely a favorite of mine. Funny and weird and delightful. And Ryuji is STILL a wonderful guy who deserves a ton more respect from his friends.
Yeah, so I opted to romance the sexy goth doctor who always calls me “my guinea pig.” ........... Don’t judge me.
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Ok, so I need to know more about aasimars having a gender-neutral body type, like that sounds so interesting! Pls explain further with this concept.
What do Dina, Maya and Gadrielle sound like to you? What kind of voices do you imagine them having? How different do each of them sound compared to the other (especially the twins!!)
(different anon btw. Hi).
Heyooo thanks for dropping by!
Okay so I absolutely need everyone to know that is is NOT a canon dnd assimar lore and not even DM-approved (yet?) 😅 Just something I made up!! Official Forgotten Realms 5e Aasimar lore here
Short answer: I think of celestials more as a genderfluid entity, it's just a divine or cursed being. Hence, Dina and Maya who have celestial heritage lean towards a rather gender-neutral body type. It could also just me being a nonbinary menace and showcase that through my oc lol :)
They do have a certain way of speaking! Dina's tone sounds serious and monotone. Maya's would be straightforward but down-to-earth playful (lots of "dudes"). Gad would have the sweetest and most charming voice, being a bard and a musical merchant.
May I interest you in some of my oc fics to enrich your curiosity??????
Loooong winded answer below!
Aasimars to my knowledge are basically humans that have a touch of celestial (celestial blood mixed in them, descendant from celestial, celestial herritage etc...basically mortals that have traces/lineage from other celestial planes).
Dina and Maya are aasimars. We've found through our games that they are descendants of a Ghaele--celestial eladrin, basically fey angels some sorts. One of the clearest physical traits being their pupilless almost white crystal eyes.
Now, I personally think or celestials--or angels--as 'creatures' rather than 'humanoids' in the 5e categories. Like if you wanna target them with a spell, you gotta use a spell that specifically said 'creatures' such as Hold Monster or Dominate Monster. For that 'loose' reasoning, I think of celestials more as a genderfluid entity, it's just a divine or cursed being. Hence, I wanna showcase this through Dina and Maya who have celestial heritage by leaning towards a rather gender-neutral body type!
Voice wise, I have not really thought of how they would sound bc when we're playing it's literally just my voice and my DM's voice all the time (we're no voice actors sadly). But we do try to portray them in a certain way they speak.
Dina is a socially awkward person. She reads a lot so she's used to speaking in her head more than outloud. So when she does speak outloud, it sounds almost too studious, monotone and unemotional. It's also funny because she can be a very emotional and passionate person, which shows through the pace that she speaks. She would stammer and stutter a lot when trying to get acquainted with someone for the first time (bless that -1 Charisma). She would rush straight to the point when she's angry that somebody hurt her lovers. Her voice would become scratchy when she's on the verge of breaking down as if she's trying to absorb all of that to herself.
Maya is a very playful, mischievous and a 'people' person. Prankster. It definitely makes up for where Dina lacks. I imagine she has the similar regional accent to Dina, but she sounds like your 'tough love bro' if that makes any sense. She does have that conversational wits so pickup lines--both terrible and good--are up in her arsenal. Cracking jokes left and right. Girl got humor for days. That being said, she sounds honest and down-to-earth with people she loves.
Gadrielle would sound like how an opera singer sounds when they talk in normal conversation. She is extremely charismatic. She sure knows when to lighten and when to emphasize. She for sure has a way with words. She picks and chooses her words carefully. She seems to be very calmed most of the time. Except for Maya who is married to Gad, I don't think we've ever seen Gadrielle say something she didn't mean or let slip of her anger in her words. There was this one very subtle occasion when talking about her wife Maya having the rights to beat the shit out of someone who manipulated her, but the words technically aren't that violent (it was more of her attitude in that case).
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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 319
Ouroboros/Resolution
“Ouroboros”
Plot Description: Sam and Dean are on the hunt for a demigod with a taste for human flesh who can see the future
Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I guess it would all depend on whether or not this demigod would deem me edible, wouldn’t it?
Why did I think they were on the hunt for selfish reasons? Like using his powers to see the future
Damn, all five of them are there? (Dean, Sam, Cas, Jack, AND Rowena)
Poor Jack has to defend every cough as not dying from now on
Rowena caring enough to at least ask about the welfare of Jack and Dean. I don’t want to say it almost ruins her, but I liked her more heartless
Ah, fuck, Jack. You can’t be dying again
God, Cas hates plan B to defeating Michael so much
Please tell me that she didn’t turn Jack into a dog. Omg she did. She turned Jack into a dog so he could get antivenom from a veterinarian
Omg. If this was any show but supernatural I’d love this gorgon. Here, it just feels like an exaggerated stereotype that comes off a little homophobic, and honestly, the comments about misogyny don’t land either
Where was everyone the past few episodes? The people from apocalypse world disappear whenever it’s convenient…or rather when it’s inconvenient to have them there
Oh. Oh fuck. No….Dean being knocked unconscious after his talk with Cas about how he can never let his guard down in regards to Michael trying to get out??
Omg Jack, stop using that magic. Stop wasting your soul
The PANIC in Castiel’s voice trying to help Dean 😩
Oh no. Well, on one hand, guess we don’t have to worry about whether it’s convenient or not to have the apocalypse world group around…they all appear to be dead. Michael got out and seems to be vessel hopping maybe? And killing every last one of them
Omg Rowena!Michael?!?! Michael!!! It’s not consent if you coerced her to be your vessel
How much of his — um. Hey. Well, Jack finally killed Michael but what’s the cost? Unless when one of them said “Jack?” And he answered “Michael. He’s dead, that meant Jack was dead?? But then why say “I’m me again”? But then the wings?! I’m confused
“Resolution”
Plot Description: as the new year begins, a terrible evil stirs from across the centuries on planet Earth
Why…hey why are they “passed into legend, and legend became myth, and some things that should not have been forgotten were lost”-ing this opening for whatever great evil thing had to be split into three parts and sent to the far reaches of the world?
Girl, preach! New years is not it.
Awww, these two kissed and are now having an awkward yet adorable conversation about it because they really like each other
I don’t think we should be digging the other pieces up, but that’s just me
Why is the TARDIS all of a sudden breaking things when it lands in people’s homes? I just still think they’re giving Jodie the short end of the straw
Why’s Ryan’s dad here? (Is a thought just about everyone is having)
Yeah, Graham!! Ok but….like, yes, it’s fine to have Graham tell Ryan’s father that he hasn’t done his job as a father because it’s (from what we’ve been told) true. HOWEVER, the optics of this old white dude calling Ryan “son” in front of his biological father when both father and son are black and it potentially plays into stereotypes…I just don’t like that.
What is wrong with this lady? What the actual fuck is on her—um…um. I’m sorry. It’s just. It’s some kind of tentacle monster that can fit under her clothes somehow AND it has control of her brain and motor functions?? There is DEFINITELY hentai of this. Poor girl, just wanted to kiss her colleague
Ok I thought it looked a little internal Dalek-y
Oh hell yeah, Ryan! You love to see him saying his dad can’t demand respect from him. Get all that off your chest, bestie!!!!!!! Omg, this is heartbreaking to see him have to go through this.
Oh good, it’s a scout dalek so it has extra special abilities
OOOO!!! Are we gonna get Kate?! Nope. UNIT operations have been suspended due to what sounded like budgetary constraints. Great.
Ok. There is room for forgiveness and moving forward in the Ryan’s family drama
I love when women do blacksmithing things. Just gorgeous. AND she somehow fought off the dalek??
Oh it did a pretty good job rebuilding itself
Pffft, Graham couldn’t take any more of his son in law by himself so he called up the Doctor to pick him up
Ugh the casual hatred of modern times. This Dalek shut down all communications in England and when people start noticing there’s no WiFi, no phones, no Netflix, and they have to have conversations they’re disgusted? 🙄🙄🙄
Ohhhhh, THAT’S why Ryan’s dad was all of a sudden present, and they were looking to move forward into better relationships with each other. So he could get possessed by the Dalek
Horrifying that she allowed a Dalek onto the TARDIS
Oh good, I’m really glad they didn’t kill off Ryan’s dad, whether through the possession or conscious sacrifice
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Part 3
they came after me for no reason I can play the same chess boo kitty;) but with actual truth! you keep talking smack about me lovo I got the receipt to keep lying all u want but screenshots dont lie about who u are. This way twitch got the perfect point of view on what u been doing and u delete your hateful conduct and keep falsely reporting me cuz u trying to use twitch to silence me. I been around Twitch since Justin's tv before they brand to twitch. There big nono u talking in a bad manner about someone that done u no wrong. U report me keep going ahead twitch will want see proof and they will see all this and they will see who is the bad person. Me speaking and addressing my side ain't a crime ;) You stalking me over badgalshay everyday
i know you be reading this lovo!!!
it's pretty interesting how your following time frame adds up u start following these people 1. badgalshay girl I have been supporting and is in D10 cuz I am in D10 u following here on 22 October right after we stop talking. and u recently follow Iraq too after u talking shit about him and your own community and how pussy and weak he is in RP. You recently follow him because u know me and he had an issue 4pf u trying to bring drama to him. and u clearly stalking me watch people that I watch. kinda weird ngl. how all these time dates and time ads up. GET off my dick dude. move on I said my peace. Are you trying something I doubt badgalyshay will be happy with you sorry ass? She dont stand up when another streamer talks bad about another streamer that is smaller. she has said in past screenshots and proofs will only have her ban that person from going around talking. Badgalshay is my girl. i knew her way back before she start RP. She has been through a lot with weirdos like yourself. She witnesses all these screenshots no woman will stand for that bullshit. So good luck trying to bring that shit to her community. Instant perm ban.......
i mean u cant make this bullshit up bruh.. 22october our last talk was 19 October. 3 days after and during those 3 days he been talking shit.
and he recently follow Iraq after all his talk about him saying he is weird. cuz Iraq recently join D10 WL. and he knows I am in both D10 cities. same with fanum. maybe not Iraq but this fanum owner I mean come on. the fact he keeps taps and stalks. to city, he not even at all. hell sus. I dont know what his games are. This guy heck weird. You might think u get away with all this in the new district cuz u are friends with admins over there. IN D10 your OOC shit and behavior u catch the fly out. i mean if u not in the city Why would be following them when u that was right after our talk and u found out cuz u got spies like payyobills as well follow u saw that I spoke to badgalshay that if Iraq in D10 still Iraq what he did he dont bring OOC shit to IRL or streamer all that shit went between us is forgotten idk what u trying over here.
The only unwell here is these people. If a person was in their right mind they wouldn't behave like this. GREG is around 50 or 40 and he acts like this btw. Let that sink in btw. he is fucking old man btw. surround himself around children same with lovo. let that sink in readers.
This panda btw after I open up with depression said I am unstable. bruh u the unstable if u lost some weight and people stop enabling you and you are insecurity u mad cuz I reject you. I got glass I dont go live and talk about another streamer ON life where multi-views can see. and makeup lies. That is a big difference. I am a pretty stable person who comes from an amazing family that actually cares about me. If I was hammered or if get sick my family are there right away. Seems to me yah got some daddy or mommy issues. fact lovo's mom was there but didn't give a damn enough to help his son. That is more unstable. If I was in trouble my family will be there in a heartbeat. I am pretty blessed it just me put boundaries with my own family but if call one of them. They will be there ;) am a pretty well person trust me. So yah looking at your own reflection. my Persian ass is super blessed ;) something yah will never in life have. i got friends around me and connections I made over twitch people know me longer know who I am as a person. They know my heart and my intentions pretty well. All the support and love I showed have been from the bottom of my heart cuz I am full of love. Good luck with your success on twitch behave like that. There are a lot of people who know me on twitch. The fact each time I drop by they scream my name cheerful. cuz i dont use people to get ahead. i am there as support and they love me for it. I am not like you guys. This respond. he said bringing him into it. U been on his dick on his business before i meet love. Stop lying lovo even told me on our video chat cuz he knew it came from u. He said it was a panda was it not cuz i told him something. He knows it u always in his fucking business when comes to a female he speaks to. u did with Lola and god knows how many more. watch him delete that vods too btw. cuz he is that coward like bruh and weirdo. You very bitch like is that what u said huh.
where he unfollow me and took 3 days after he follow badgalshay. YUp
sorry for bad quality. This my advice from one of his mods where is that me saying bad things. then my heart was in right place to try to help his drunk ass for people that were closer. cuz she said on VC in discord she said she wish she had his phone number so she could call him if his PC die out or he head out to do something stupid she could reach him. So said to try to get his number I only ask for an update cuz she said she talk to him and update me.
This is what she told when i am grilling her about her forcing her send DMS. U can see in black in white I never did she did that on her own. didn't expect a screenshot I thought she just going type it honesty. he didn't find that weird fact she screenshot that and send to me when I send that to him but god what she told about to him he believe that. cuz clearly, these girls send nude over to keep guy temporarily. kinda sad. this girl is chubby nice way say the felt threaten and instigated a lot. check her last message to me. she tell me to stay away from him. i cant make this shit up bruh. She heck weirdo. Anyone comes to cross with her in rp do not rp with her. She takes rp to seriously. She wants to marry u readers. i bet she down for erp just keep a guy. if u want refill yourself on ERp with girl she will be down. if u want a temporary weird chick be down do that shit. Go ahead ;)
she tells me to stay away from him. Weirdge ngl. and look at her went he told me what she has told him. what she said to me...
the instigating is crazy bruh. if it's not her business then why u on our dicks u interfering and u going around stalking? the fact she says she is at work still got so much time is going around talking about me like crazy. U got so much time on your hands. Why not put your nose where it belongs and focus on those patients, I feel sorry for them and put them under your hand.s She is that ugly duck jealous of the swan ngl she gives me that vibe. If this girl put her energy more into her personality and her own issue with insecurity she would improve that shit bruh. This girl got an issue. she did the same shit with rocky. Just ask him if u want. He told me what she did in the other city brought ooc (out of character) shit from city to city. and follow rocky over to new district. This petty shit going to stop. So readers. This me put all my cards on the table. not clip and cut anything. all these messages I post about me and lovo now been deleted.
if yah want I can post that show what dm looks like today. just show he is that type of bitch trying to hide the stuff that he said to me. shows who he is and what these people are like. I mean if u got nothing to hide why delete right? I lost everything. This is me, I told yah in part 1 I will not hold anything back. I am like this in person too irl. I am pretty forward and brutally honest. That is what people know me for. I am savage like that. I am that person if heard toxic vc in a video game I respond back. I am not a snowflake go over twitter and cry about it. i am toxic back and respond back to that sexist comment I get. and that's why people I make connection streamers love me for it. cuz how cool I am like that. i just call them bitch back and toss back banter back. like, ask mawntra on twitch. I and he had a pretty good time on cod warzone I stop playing warzone cuz he stopped. That bitch has been to delete all the vods that he talked about me but I got a screenshot.
This vod now been deleted and there are so many more vods he occasionally talks about me in a bad way. and lied and said these things yah saw the screenshots of all of that he said that to me. and he did say anything like what has been said on the DMS. He is just so weird. there are more now that are deleted btw. cuz he is a coward bitch!! let it all sink in. and all the lies he is telling yah readers and people that he told. This all in black and white and people are around saying bullshit. that is our dms. Now I know why Lola choose to stay away. just him going lying through his teeth that he said nothing. the reality he said shit about her and her community said stuff. i mean just think for yah self how to suppose I know who Lola is. unless someone said something huh.
The fact this person lovo, in a drunk moment shout out to his own community how everyone is so fake around him he cant trust no bitches cuz they are a snake. only when he is drunk he is encouraged to be honest with himself and his own community. The fact he got no boundaries set to his own community is so weird. Viewers just follow for a short of time like payyobills got modded and another mod like Roxy revoke his mod on discord and said he shouldn't have mod cuz he was a weirdo and not good for lovo. The whole community around them smack-talking each other. i witness it on a discord group call. unstable community. I get dragged into their stupid petty drama all cuz lovo was flirting with me and was talking to me more than them. and some tickle their tiny pp or pussy they went around like petty childish behavior. I have done nothing to any of them or lovo. This guy needs an AA meeting ngl. and needs to think long hard and so soul-searching about what the hell he is doing and hurting people that has done nothing to him. This guy is narcissistic. This is the result of a drinking problem this result of that u get this behavior. Kids dont do drugs this what u will turn out. this behavior u will find and he check them all.
Seek help, please if any of u struggle with alcohol! never wrong in seeking professional help. Dont be this guy!!
This is as far I found lovely. sorry for the bad vibe as my first post. This was my October I will address more about that guy on trovo more receipt hell yeah. So u better behave around me cuz I do not delete shit bad or good. This protection of my own. people be snakes cuz they twist words. something I learn many years ago and just police officer advice. Your greats weapon is proof showing otherwise. They can talk all bullshit and lies about u but proof never lies. I will not bring any of this on stream because I am not the type to stream bring and talk about some else streamer on life were a lot of viewers going gain upon that person. It's better to post proof on my blog so people can read for themself. then I ruin my streamer work and talk about someone else. On-stream is all about gaming and content I am not the type of content streamer who use drama to get ahead. This blog will change over time like themes and songs. I am still figuring out when it comes to coding. the guy helping me is a huge doll and he is super busy working on a server but Discord and a blog song playlist will come. i will put those songs into a playlist auto-play so while reading yah can enjoy the music in the background.
Remember that lovely DO not allow anyone to tell you otherwise the BEST weapon u got is your rights and your voice. Don't allow anyone to silence you!!
Update -11/24/22 l
this is what he now his dm looks like had to unblock his ass I don't know why he still got access to delete shit even though we ain't friends and I have blocked him on discord. If u compare the original screenshot and today u can see he has deleted some of the messages he sends me. He is very bitch like ngl and lies this him doing it so he can deny it. But he can't his sorry ass thinks I am dumb and didn't screenshot it all before he delete things. HE fucking a liar and his deleting his lies proof my point.
Click the individual photos to have a bigger size look view. This guy is a pathologic liar!! the fact he reacts to my photo and shit right after he removes me. This guy ain't to be trusted so ladies stay away he fucking a pathologic liar for your own good to stay away if you don't want to experience the same shit. he has done this to another female as well in the past lying cuz his feeling got hurt cuz he lost her and she aint friends with him. But if you're into that type of guy who goes around lying about u and deletes his wrongdoing and shit. You do u boo boo kitty u do you. but don't come after saying I didn't warn yah.
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—make it right. (m)
⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader
⟶ genre: punk!jungkook / band au / exes-to-lovers au / angst / smut
⟶ words: 11,528
⟶ rating: 18+
⟶ summary: you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because it’s been almost a year since you broke up with him. worst part of it all is that you know he’s still in love with you too
⟶ warnings: jungkook has a tongue piercing, oral sex because of said tongue piercing (fem!recieving), more tattooed and long haired jungkook to feed my fantasies, angsty pining clingy sex, also just general soft sex, crying sex lol, riding, creampie, slight praise kink themes, unprotected sex
⟶ disclaimer: here’s my one year blog anniversary present inspired by the first ever fic i posted on here! yes this is technically a sequel to melomaniac but not really. sort of like an alternate universe to the alternate universe but you don’t really have to read one or the other to understand the other. so, i hope you enjoy!
⟶ this is part of the melodrama tour series!
You swear you’re over Jungkook.
In fact, you would even go so far as to say you hate him ━ but you know that’s not true. It’s just that it’s much easier to believe that if you tell yourself you hate him enough times, then maybe you’ll find a way to fix your broken heart, and the pain in his absence won’t hurt so bad.
As it turns out, it hardly works.
Seven months since he had left you to travel the world with his band, basking in promised eternal glory and fame and money, and yet even miles and oceans away from where you stand, he’s all you can think about. There’s a myriad of reasons as to why trying to forget him was an useless endeavour. The hardships of trying to forget a cherished life-long friendship you had grown accustomed to was one of them, and those lingering happy moments you had shared with him as lovers however fleeting they may be was another. But then there was the ever present fact that Jungkook and his band were so quick to rise to fame, their names far exceeding the seemingly cramped and small city you had both reigned from, and suddenly the boy you had known forever, and everything special that makes him, was now being shared to hundreds of millions of adoring fans.
You were certain it was all Jungkook ever wanted, the added attention and the pretty girls fawning over him, because he had always been a casanova in many ways despite always promising you that you were the only one for him even before you had started dating. You had told him it wouldn’t work ━ I trust you as my best friend, you had said in a moment of despair, grasping at straws. I don’t have to worry about you breaking my heart. But I don’t know if I can trust you as my boyfriend ━ far before he and his band had been signed to their record label and paraded around the world, when they were still practicing in rented storage units and friends’ garages and rundown local studios, playing gigs anywhere and everywhere from dingy bars to college campus parties, supporting him every step of the way if only because he was your best friend, and he had been so persistent that it would work, chasing after you even when you tried to push him away. I would treat you right, he had urged so ardently late one drunken night after stumbling back to his apartment. I already practically worship the ground you walk on.
And how could you ━ who had already been so madly in love with him but scared of him breaking your heart, scared of losing him, scared of this happening ━ ever resist him? He made love seem so easy, and maybe that’s because it was when you were with him. But now, he was no longer yours; now, he was the world’s, and you were nothing but a mere hazy fragmented memory in his mind, long forgotten, watching from the side of the stage much like you always had from the very start of it all.
“Hey, isn’t this that band?” Jihyo’s voice bursts through your wandering trail of thoughts.
It takes you a moment to recollect yourself, finding yourself not in the arms of an ex-lover or stuck in a bygone time of months past, but in the cosy and amiable café nearest your campus and frequented by a plethora of your fellow peers. You’re fortunate to find that your other group mates have also become sidetracked, trailing far from the assignment you were all supposed to be working on. Dahyun is perched beside you, chin nestled in the palm of her hand and elbow propped on the table as she scrolls aimlessly through her phone; Jihyo and Taeyong were sat across from you, gossiping fervently about some mutual friend of theirs. You hadn’t known the pair long enough to know much about them or the tragic affair of whoever Mina is for accepting her cheating boyfriend back for the second time, and, likewise, they seem oblivious to your own self-wallowing once you realize what’s caught Jihyo’s sudden attention.
You hear his voice first.
It’s easy to discern, even after all this time and even amongst the muffled chatter and clanking of porcelain and cutlery of those seated around you. The sweet, velvety lull of Jungkook singing throughout the café from the overhead speakers, pretty upbeat melodies and synths mixed with wistful words making up the song he had written for you before he left, before the fame and fans, as a way of telling you how he truly felt about you. It feels like a dream, and maybe that’s because it is, bringing you instantly to another time, and another world. You still remember him showing you the unfinished song for the very first time, curled up next to him in his living room, listening to him serenade you to sleep, humming in places where he hadn’t formed the words yet, strumming along with his acoustic. It was yours and his until he showed the world almost a year ago on their very first show at the Seoul Olympic Stadium in front of thousands of people, as a final desperate act of proclaiming his love for you after a disastrous attempt at a first date that he had begged from you. Just one, he pleaded. To prove it to you that I can be a good boyfriend. And if things don’t work out, we can pretend it never happened and just go back to being us. That’s a promise.
At the time, you had treasured the song. It was beautiful in every way, his love transcending his words and enveloping your heart in pure warmth.
Now, you hate it.
It’s the third time you’ve heard the song that day. Despite avoiding it as best as you could, it seems to find a way to make itself known in your daily life like the nagging nuisance it is. Because fate seemed to enjoy its sadistic behaviour of having the song be one of the main reasons Jungkook and his band had skyrocketed to fame in such a short span of time and, suddenly, Jungkook disappearing from your life meant little when his voice remained as a constant reminder of what could have been, what couldn’t have been, and what fell apart at the already fragile seams. And what was a proclamation of love to you turned into nothing but a fabled tale of lovers. You wonder if people who hear it ever think about where they’ve gone, or who they’ve turned into, or if their love was made to last. You wonder, above all else, if people ever think about it at all.
“Beyond the Scene, right?” Taeyong asks. He seems just as animated to be discussing the song as Jungkook’s voice fades into Jimin’s.
“God, I love this song. It’s so dreamy,” Jihyo lets out a longing sigh as she slumps against her seat. “Y’know, I’m seeing them this Friday. It’s their first time being back in, like, five months.”
“Dude, I’ve been trying to get tickets to see them for months now!” Taeyong gaps incredulously. “How’d you score them?”
“A friend of a friend knows the guy who plays keys,” Jihyo says. “The cute mysterious one.”
“Yoongi, right?”
“Yeah━”
As the pair dive into a passionate discussion about the boys and their first full-length album released under their recently-signed-to label from Columbia Records, you shift uncomfortably in your seat. Dahyun almost immediately straightens up, eyes flickering from the pair to you and back again. You’re both fortunate she’s there, having known your past with Jungkook, and despise it a little more, wondering what her pitying gaze must mean.
“Hey, Dahyun. Y/N.” Taeyong’s voice grabs your attention now. “What do you think of these guys? Didn’t some of them used to go to this school?”
“Yeah, I had a few classes with their drummer.” Dahyun waves her hand airly, swiftly brushing over the fact that she did far more than have a “few classes” with any of the boys but was also one of their closest friends. “I think they’re great━” She glances sideways at you one more time. “Hey, maybe we should get back to the assignment now━”
“I had a class with their lead guitarist, Jungkook, last year,” Jihyo continues, her excitement getting the best of her as Dahyun’s voice drowns out in the foreground.
“No way!” This dubious exclamation comes from Taeyong.
“I tried talking to him once but he totally blew me off,” Jihyo says. “Which is fine, because he’s still hot. If I had known he was gonna be a famous rockstar, I’d have tried asking him out a second time━”
Suddenly, you feel sick.
It’s odd to hear two strangers discuss Jungkook’s life while you’re seated across from them, as if you’re nothing more than an outsider to whoever Jungkook has become now. But you can’t stand it anymore. You’re certain you look insane to them when you push your seat back abruptly, the metal legs screeching against the floor as you stand.
“Whoa, what’s wrong━?” Taeyong starts to ask but you’re gone before he can finish the question, murmuring a half-hearted excuse about how you forgot you needed to be somewhere.
You’ve rounded on your heel and have fled from the café before anyone can try to stop you, with nothing but Jungkook’s mellifluous voice fading in the distance as he croons aloud for you in a time long since passed.
You don’t care. Besides, you’re sure Dahyun will cover for you.
The worst part of it all? The dreadful realization that sinks into your mind, and into your heart, beckons the question: who’s to say you aren’t a stranger now to Jungkook’s life altogether?
“So, what are you trying to say?”
You remember the moment so clearly despite wanting nothing more than to forget it all, and the pain associated with it. Because even from then you knew you would always be in love with Jungkook, but you couldn’t have him. It’s hard to remember whose fault it is this time that caused the sudden fight, though random little arguments had been a frequent occurrence nearing the end of your one year relationship more often than not. You hate blaming it all on him, because you were certain you were at fault too. Maybe a little bit wary at times, a little selfish, wanting him all to yourself. Even though you knew he has an obligation to the world, it still hurt when he started making promises he couldn’t keep, blowing you off for soundchecks, or spontaneous interviews, or record label meetings. More and more you could feel the both of you drifting apart, maybe without even meaning for it to happen.
It was just that Jungkook was destined for a lifetime of greatness, and you were starting to think that meant without you.
You had stopped him late one night after he had stumbled home from his and the band’s nightly studio sessions as they worked through recording their debut album as a signed band. Lately, it seemed as if that was all that Jungkook cared about, and while you knew the band meant the world to him and you would always support him in his endeavour, you couldn’t help but feel lesser in comparison. That, and you hated seeing the boy overwork himself to the point of near exhaustion every night if only because their label was so adamant about having the album finished before the month ended.
“You want to, what? Break up?” Jungkook asked, this time more incredulously and less dumbfounded as he had initially been. He didn’t believe you just yet, but you couldn’t exactly tell what he was thinking anymore at that point.
“I just figured we could use some time apart,” You had suggested awkwardly. “Just a break.”
He had let out a breathless, disbelieving laugh. “Y/N, this is insane.”
You flinched. You remember having to look away, refusing to meet his suddenly sorrowful look. “Is it, Jungkook? I mean… Look at us. We’re falling apart. It was bound to happen eventually. We tried to make it work but maybe we’re on different paths now.”
“But I love you,” Jungkook gasped, exasperated. “Where is this coming from?”
“And I don’t want to have to tie you down for the rest of your life,” You continued on stubbornly, “or make you think you owe me your whole life just because you said you fell in love with me when you were thirteen━”
This seemed to catch Jungkook’s attention. He grew rigid in front of you, a look of wary agony contorting his face. “Is that what this is then? You don’t love me anymore?”
You didn’t respond immediately, instead the dread of the night seemed to finally catch up with you and you had grimaced. You had loved him even then, but the thought of voicing it aloud when you were supposed to be breaking up with him didn’t feel right. The tears began to swell in your throat and blur your vision. Jungkook must have noticed, because he always seems to spot the small things about you that even you miss. Almost instantly, the sour look on his face softened and his gaze turned helpless, with those big puppy-dog eyes that you’ve always been too fond of. He closed the distance between you at once, warm hands grabbing at your own.
“You do.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. He knew you were still in love with him ━ or maybe he’d just been hopeful. “I know you do. So then why are you breaking up with me?”
He let go of one of your hands to reach up to your face, calloused fingers gentle and soft against your cheek as they brushed away a rogue tear you hadn’t realized had fallen from your lashes. For a moment, you had let yourself get carried away. You leaned into the comforting heat and touch of his palm as he cradled your face.
“Don’t━” You choked out after a moment of silence, hating when your voice splintered into a sob. “Don’t touch me. Please, Jungkook. You’re only going to make this harder.”
His hands sprang away from your face almost at once, as if he had just been burnt by scalding fire. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull you into his arms but he had refrained the urge somehow, miraculously. So, instead, he grit his teeth and clenched his hands into fists as his arms fell limp at his sides.
“Then don’t do this. Don’t walk away,” Jungkook pleaded desperately. “I don’t understand. If you love me still, why are you making this harder for yourself?”
“Because what if that’s all we have in common anymore?” You asked wretchedly. “We care about each other. We always will. But you’re focused on the band, and this is my last year of school. Maybe we just need time to focus on ourselves.”
Jungkook blinked once. Twice. His stare was suddenly devoid of any emotion as he gawked at you, but you could tell that he was hurting. It was there in the fluttering of nerves in his jaw; there, in the way his lips pulled taut into a thin line; there, in the way even you could see his eyes begin to shimmer with wet tears that he unabashedly displays without trying to wipe away.
“So that’s it?” he asked. “After everything we’ve been through. You’re just gonna end it, like that? Y/N, come on━”
His hands had found purchase on your waist, and you had lingered for a moment too long; then, fumbling, he tried to grab delicately at your face, probing you to look at him. But you couldn’t. The moment you met his wounded gaze, you shook your head furiously. You had slithered out of his grasp, slipping through the seams of his fingers just like that.
“I━” You paused. “This isn’t some spur of the moment decision, Jungkook. How can you not see it? I’ve felt so alone these past few months. It’s like you’re here but not entirely. Your mind is always somewhere else, always thinking about the band and never about us.”
“What am I supposed to do?” he had asked hotly. “The band is my everything.”
“And what am I?” You asked. The question only mildly offended you, a shot right to your heart. Because if the band was his everything, what were you in comparison? “A distraction until you get everything you want? I can’t keep being that.”
“No!” he protested. “You’re not a distraction. You’re━” He stopped himself short, brows furrowing. “You can’t keep pinning this all on me. You just don’t trust me, do you? You never did. Always thinking I’m with some other girl when I’m not with you━”
“That’s not true,” You admonished.
“Isn’t it?” Jungkook retaliated.
“I don’t want to hear it,” You had said at once. Your tone was final, a decisive ending to your argument with him. “My mind’s already been made up, Jungkook. I don’t think we should see each other again until we sort all this out ━ or, until you sort out whatever your priorities are.”
Jungkook’s stare had hardened, a frown deeply etching into his face. He had straightened up then, perplexed and upset with your standoffish demeanour, as if thinking this surely meant nothing to you. But little did he know this would become one of the hardest decisions you would have to make.
“Fine,” he said rigidly. “If that’s how it is, then I’m gone. You’ll never have to see me again.”
You hadn’t known at the time just how terribly you had messed up ━ neither had Jungkook. He had left before you could stop him, or before either of you could change your minds. Because nothing’s worse than a broken heart, blinded by stubborn and defensive rage. Accusatory fingers and blaming him or you wouldn’t heal the wounds that had already formed, and ending things seemed to only make it worse, months of lonely heartache without Jungkook to further prove just that…
The last time you spoke to Jungkook, you told him you never wanted to see him again ━ or, at least, that seems to be how he interpreted it.
Now, you were standing in the midst of his domain, surrounded by everyone in his public sphere of friends and colleagues and acquaintances, and there was certainly no way of escaping him.
You were starting to think you’re losing mind, because you’d truly have to be insane to have worked up the nerve to agree to go with Dahyun to a party being held celebrating the band’s recent tremendous success and headlining their first world tour. Their manager, Jin, had personally reached out to you and Dahyun, calling you as a means of asking you to attend, though you had given him a timid and dismissive response at first. If it hadn’t been for Dahyun purposely and almost quite literally dragging you out under the premise that “even if you don’t want to see Jungkook, you at least owe it to the boys to go,” you don’t think you’d even be here. But while you didn’t know where you stood with Jungkook anymore, that didn’t mean you weren’t still proud of him or the rest of the boys. It just became harder to bask in their success with them when you had gone from knowing every detail of their lives, of Jungkook’s life, to knowing only what you could hear from gossiping fans around you, or plastered in tabloids, or all over any form of social media.
The party is held at some sort of fancy lavish restaurant, the entire back room rented out by the band’s record label and management, and is filled with dozens of people you don’t know. Fortunately, you and Dahyun aren’t left alone for very long, as an elated Jin and Jimin, the appointed lead singer, bustle their way through the crowd to you almost as soon as you arrive, leaving very little time for you to feel so awkward that you consider running away again. Jimin, in all his spritely and extravagant blue haired disposition, wastes no time in engulfing you both in a comforting hug as if months hadn’t passed since you’ve last seen them.
“Glad you guys could make it!” Jin smiles from over Jimin’s shoulder.
“It’s been forever,” Jimin affirms.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Dahyun says. “I’m surprised you guys didn’t forget about us, considering you’re big rockstars now.”
“Rockstar is a bit of an overstatement.” An effortlessly charming smirk unfurls on Jimin’s face, which seems to immediately dazzle Dahyun. “Besides, we could never forget you. Hey, come with me to find the guys. I think we could all use some time to catch up━”
He places his hand on the small of Dahyun’s back as he guides her away, leaving you with Jin. A moment of silence passes, in which time you can feel the boy’s eyes lingering on you.
“He knows you’re coming tonight, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Jin says carefully, treading over his words lightly. It’s too painfully obvious who he’s talking about, though you’re fortunate he doesn’t bother mentioning Jungkook’s name anyway. “There’s no point in hiding. I think you should talk to him.”
“I━” You trail off uselessly, your voice croaking. Fearing an imminent breakdown, you shake your head. Then, holding your chin a little higher, Jin’s startled to hear you pretend as if he hadn’t said anything. “It really is good to see you guys again. If you’ll excuse me, I think I need a drink.”
And you’re gone once more before he can say anything else. On your lonesome, you find refuge at the bar, though you only order water because you’re certain you won’t be able to stomach anything stronger. You don’t know how long you spend there, blankly staring at a spot on the wall as your mind wanders everywhere and yet nowhere at all until━
“Y/N?”
There it is again. The familiar sound of his voice, only this time it’s much more attainable, closer to your world and not elsewhere so high in the clouds like a hopeful dream. You brace yourself before turning to face him.
This close, Jungkook looks breathtakingly and painfully beautiful.
As always, he’s adorned in all black, the first few buttons of the silky blouse he’s wearing left undone so that it teases the exposed flesh of his collarbones and the rose tattoo that inks his chest, the thorny stems crawling up the side of his neck just below his ear, accompanied by a pair of leather pants. He’s the same as ever. The same imperfect tattoos that decorate his fingers and arms that you’ve always loved, the same ring-clad fingers painted a chipped black, the same hoop accentuating his button nose. His hair is still his natural dark ebony color (something he’s seemed to stick with much more as of late despite dyeing it wild colours throughout his past), only it’s a little longer than you last remembered, and the sides of his head are shaved in the form of an undercut. You’re foolishly surprised to find he still looks the same, but almost a year away from someone can both change nothing and yet everything all at once.
“Jungkook…” You want to say something more, but your words fall short.
It’s hard to tell if he’s angry or upset at seeing you there, but you don’t think he’s either, and you have an inkling of a thought that he purposely sought you out amongst the many faces. Instead, he looks hesitant, apprehensive, as if dreading how you’ll respond to see him. As if you’ll yell at him, push him away. You do neither, fortunately.
Just when the dense silence starts to become almost unbearable, Jungkook clears his throat. “I━ Wow… You look great.”
You blink once, a flustered blush warming your face that you hope he doesn’t notice. “Oh. Thank you. You do, too.”
His eyes flicker over your presence as he nods absentmindedly. Then, he’s offering you a pretty smile, soft and sweet in nature. No malice, or ill-intent. “Um━ How have you been?”
You hate this. You hate the awkward pauses, the prolonged periods of silence. A year ago, even despite knowingly pining for one another, your moments alone with Jungkook were never so terrible. He always found a way to say something cheekily flirtatious even when you were just friends, if only because he knew it would make you blush and giggle because, no matter how many times you would roll your eyes or nudge his sides, he also knew you secretly loved it. All the inside jokes, the milestones shared together, the ardent fleeting touches ━ where did it all go? And while you were both noticeably trying to maintain the peace and pleasantry between one another, it didn’t feel the same. It felt forced, fake. Distracted.
“I’ve been good,” You lie. “How about you? Actually, don’t answer that━” You let out a breathless chuckle. “You’ve clearly been doing amazing. I mean, your album, and your world tour. And tomorrow you’ve got a big day with the hometown show. I heard it sold out in the first ten minutes.”
“Something like that,” Jungkook says modestly. “It’s been kind of crazy. Namjoon says it’s good, but I miss━ I just miss a lot of how it used to be. The slow pace. I dunno. The quick burn up is quick to burn out, right?”
“Maybe,” You admit. “But I think you’ve all got it in you. You’ve worked so hard for this moment. Enjoy it while you’re in it. You deserve it, Jungkook.”
His stare softens as it meets yours. “Thanks.”
Another beat of silence passes. He looks as if he’s warring with himself, as if he’s fighting the urge to say something more, gnawing at his lower lip, brows knitting together.
“Yo, Jeon!” A foreign voice from amongst the crowd beckons aloud abruptly for the boy.
Jungkook glances over his shoulder swiftly in search of the source, then waves his hand as if to motion he’ll be there later. Then, he turns back to you. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay. I won’t keep you,” You say. “I know you’re busy.”
“But━” He stops himself, his jaw clamping shut. Changing his mind, he decides to ask hopefully, “Will you be at the show tomorrow?”
“Of course.” The affirmation seems to relieve him, even though it’s a spontaneous decision made by you on the spot. Before this moment, you hadn’t been so sure you could go.
“Promise?”
You can’t help but shake your head, a chuckle slipping past your lips at the innocent boyish question he asks. “Yes, Jungkook.”
His smile widens a little more, however sheepish it may be. “Then can you promise me one more thing?”
“What?” You quirk a brow, intrigued to say the least.
“Will you drop by the hotel we’re staying at tomorrow morning, so I can take you out for a coffee? Just to catch up. It’s been a while,” he says timidly. Then, feeling a little stupid for being so bold, scrambles to explain himself. “And no pressure if you don’t want to. I just thought━”
You can’t possibly say no. Not when it comes to Jungkook, all your past struggles seemingly vanishing without a trace. “I’d like that a lot, Jungkook.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
Then he’s positively beaming, his self-indulgent grin making your own heart flutter in your chest. When he leaves your side that night, you find yourself looking forward to the future perhaps a little too optimistically. But how terrible could grabbing coffee with your ex be, if you had survived the first wretched encounter?
So, in the morning when you wake, there’s not a stutter in your step or a wavering flicker of your confidence as you make your way to the Four Seasons hotel Jungkook had told you to from the night before. In fact, a selfish part of you almost thinks that maybe things will start to look up. That maybe you and Jungkook can finally make amends. That maybe you never had a reason to fear Jungkook breaking your heart if he made such an effort to heal it.
The hotel itself is one of the most luxurious ones in Seoul, a considerable contrast from when the boys were slumming it on friends’ couches and in their run-down van touring the country. The room Jungkook tells you to meet him at is one of the hotel’s grand suites, located on the higher levels of the building. But as soon as you reach the landing and have begun making your way towards the designated door, it flings open and a pretty girl comes stumbling out. She’s giggling at something that has just happened inside, her hair a dishevelled mess which she ruffles up in an attempt to fix it. She’s adorned in a pretty little dress, the skirt of which is hiked a little higher up and one strap falling down her shoulder, as she clings her shoes and bag to her chest. She smiles at you on the way past, though she’s too far gone in her own little daze that you wonder if she even notices you at all.
But you certainly notice her, and, all at once, your reverie of him and what could be comes crashing to the ground once more.
Maybe you should have stayed, should have waited for Jungkook to let him explain, but you were too afraid to hear an answer you weren’t looking for. You try desperately not to imagine Jungkook loving someone else. You try not to think about him holding her the same way he held you, his lips finding purchase on some other girl. But by trying to avoid the thought, it beckons the unwarranted memories of how it felt to be loved all over by him once upon a time. You wonder how many girls he’s hooked up with in your time apart, and the overwhelming sense of regret washes over you.
You don’t bother to wait. You know fleeing is the easiest option rather than facing your fear, but you’re far too timid of rejection again. Instead, even before you can approach Jungkook’s hotel room and knock on the door, you turn on your heels and run.
You’re long gone by the time Jungkook comes to the door, prying it open in search of you on a whim. When he doesn’t see you, he glances up and down the hallway but to no avail. Namjoon comes slinking past inside then in his own disoriented haze, having just woken up from moments ago when the girl he had taken back to their room the night before left. Even then, Jungkook had warned the rhythm guitarist against bringing the girl back, pointing out the fact that they had much to do today ahead of their concert. Namjoon had promised it wouldn’t be long, that she would be gone in the morning, and Jungkook was fortunate enough that the suite had two separate bedrooms on the opposite ends of one another so that Jungkook didn’t have to hear whatever it was the pair were doing in the other.
“Did Mina leave?” Namjoon asks through a yawn, digging the heels of his palms into his tired eyes. When Jungkook nods, a sliver of a reminiscent smug grin tugs at Namjoon’s lips. “You missed out, Jungkook.”
The cheeky quip is met with a roll of Jungkook’s eyes. “I’m sure I’ll survive. You know I’m not like that.”
Like that━ As in midnight hook-ups and cheap thrills alike. He tried it once, far ago when you had first broken up with him, on a drunken spur of a moment as a way of healing the anguish in his heart. It hadn’t worked then; he assumed it would never work.
Namjoon seems to understand this immediately. He gives Jungkook a look that the boy doesn’t notice. “Well… is Y/N here yet?”
“No. But I’m sure she’ll be here,” Jungkook grimaces. He hopes. “Something probably came up.”
Namjoon clasps a reassuring hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, humming aloud, “Good luck, dude.”
But you never arrive, even though Jungkook waits for most of the morning, nervous eyes flickering to the door at every commotion outside, running to check only to see room service delivering breakfast or concierge showing guests to their rooms. He has no choice but to give up on the thought of you coming when Jin knocks on their door, prompting the boys to get a start on their day. Interviews and soundcheck await, but how could he possibly go on with his life without knowing what happened to you?
Which is why you stay on his mind for the rest of the day, distracting him in every aspect, mixing up his words when he’s in the midst of his interview, tripping up on stage as the boys set up and begin to rehearse. As the hours wane down to just an hour before the show, the thought of performing in front of thousands of fans starts to make him nervous and he doesn’t know why. He’s done this countless times before, almost nightly during the tour, so what stops him now? Of course he knows the answer, had grown all too accustomed to the feeling the first few months in which the break up had been so recent. It would always be about you.
But just before the show starts, Jungkook is making his way backstage from the greenroom, where the band had been waiting, to the stage. Fiddling with his in-ear piece, he almost doesn’t notice you and Dahyun weaving your way through the roadies and sound tech, being guided by Jin to the pit on the side of the stage where only family and friends are allowed. You don’t see him, and there’s a split moment where he thinks he should just let you go, until he doesn’t.
As he makes his way to you, the tour manager for the band intervenes part way, shouting out to the boy. “Where are you going? We’re on in five, Jungkook!”
“Yeah, I’ll be right back━” He waves the manager off as politely as he can, wasting no time to chase after you. He calls out your name, though it drowns out in the sound of the music being blasted through the speakers of the arena and the screaming fans. “Y/N, wait up!”
He’s relieved when he sees you stop in your tracks, turning to face him as Dahyun and Jin become lost in the chaos of the backstage. He comes to stand just before you, smiling breathlessly at you, unaware of the way your shoulders tense at the sight of him.
“You didn’t show up this morning,” he says as a way of greeting, his voice a curious prob. “What happened?”
You try desperately not to get lost in his big beautiful eyes, laced with such hope. Instead, you fold your arms over your chest, looking away. “Something came up.”
It’s then that Jungkook senses something is wrong. You’re upset with him, though he can’t tell why. Aside from the obvious rift in your relationship that had initially split you two up, you had been so pleasant to see him the night before. But he doesn’t give up just yet. “Well… you’re here now.”
You meet his gaze with your own hardened one. “For the boys.”
A shot right to his heart almost makes Jungkook gasp for air. He flinches, and then his stare softens, and you wish he wouldn’t look at you like that, out of fear that you might just relapse into his arms.
“What’s wrong?” He closes the distance between the two of you. He wants nothing more than to reach out and touch you, but refrains with much difficulty. There’s dozens of things that could be wrong, and he braces himself for your retaliation. “You didn’t want to come, did you?”
When you don’t respond, but also don’t stray from his side, Jungkook hurries to speak again if only to fill the tense silence.
“Look, last night… Maybe it was just me, but last night seemed like things were okay,” he says. “Was I wrong to feel that way?”
“Jungkook…”
“Please, just let me know,” he begs. “Because you’re all I can think about these days, it’s driving me crazy. And I don’t know what’s going on, but the reason I wanted to see you this morning was because I hate how things ended between us, and I wanted to tell you…” He swallows nervously as he trails off uncertainly. “I wanted to tell you that I’m still in love with you. And I can’t get you out of my head. These months away from you made me realize that I━”
Suddenly, you’re shaking your head and he knows you don’t believe him. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets saying it, if only because they seem to enliven you. Now, you push yourself away from the boy. “I’m not doing this right now. You’re not doing this right now.”
As if to further your point, the band’s tour manager can be heard calling out frantically for the boy. “Two minutes, Jungkook!”
But Jungkook is hardly paying attention now, instead solely focused on you. “Please, Y/N━”
“No, you don’t get to say that to me,” You admonish hotly. You can’t bite the words back, no matter how hard you try. “You don’t love me. You think you love me, but you don’t.”
His jaw clenches, and his brows furrow into a frustrated stare. “I do.”
“You don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Stop.” The harsh word makes Jungkook clamp his mouth shut. You shake your head furiously, but you know it’s only to distract yourself so that you don’t let the tears fall. “You’re being selfish, Jungkook. You don’t get to take all of me, love all of me, and leave, only to come back months later and pretend you’re still in love with me. And whatever this━” You gesture vaguely between the two of you, “is, or was, doesn’t exist anymore. We both need to stop pretending otherwise.”
Jungkook winces, eyes tinged with pain. “You don’t mean that.”
You don’t respond. Elsewhere, his tour manager starts to grow impatient, scolding the boy aloud, “Jungkook, we’re gonna be late. Hurry up!”
“Yeah, I’ll be there!” Jungkook calls back, irritated. Maybe he is being selfish. He’s wasting precious time by not leaving, all the hard work that the crew put into tonight’s show, and the fans awaiting his and the band’s arrival. He can still hear the crowd, this time their buzzing voices amalgamating into unanimous chanting muffled by the walls that sounds akin to the band’s name.
“You should go,” You say now. “Don’t wanna disappoint them.”
But he’d throw it all away for you if you told him to. He promised you that even before he had left for tour, before the band had been signed. Had you forgotten? Because he surely hadn’t.
“Y/N…”
“Good luck out there.”
Then, you’re gone before Jungkook can even make a move to stop you ━ but even if he did, what could he do to make you stay? The feat seemed impossible, and you always seem to find a way to slip from his grasp no matter what he does. Only this time he has no choice but to let you go, out of fear of being berated further by his tour manager or angering the boys so much to the point where he gets kicked out of the band.
He makes it on stage in time, the band filing out to take their places one at a time, deafening screams blowing out their in-ear pieces that stand no chance as each member joins the stage. The lights fizzle out until complete darkness cloaks the venue, but Jungkook still looks for you. He finds you in the pit on the side of the stage, Jin and Dahyun standing beside you, and finds it hard to keep his eyes off of you even though you attempt to pretend as if he’s not even there.
After their first adrenaline-filled opening song of the night, Jimin takes to the microphone to greet the crowd who scream back an indiscernible shout as, elsewhere, you notice Jungkook pry himself away from the microphone stand on his side of the stage to wave the rest of the boys over to Hoseok’s drum kit. They murmur amongst themselves briefly, though they go unnoticed by Jimin or the crowd as the lead singer entertains them.
“Seoul! It’s good to be back. We’ve missed you all so much━”
Jimin’s words get cut short when Jungkook, having just parted ways with the rest of his members for their impromptu meeting, beckons the lead singer over, out of range of the microphone. They seem to discuss something just as shortly as Jungkook had talked with the rest of the boys, in which time Jimin nods understandingly, then steps away from the microphone. Then, Jungkook takes to the microphone, the rings on his fingers glistening under the spotlight as he grips the stand.
“I know the night’s only getting started,” Jungkook’s voice wavers as he speaks, “but we’re gonna slow things down for a moment. We hope you don’t mind.”
Intrigued murmurs echo around the crowd, suddenly buzzing with excitement as they watch Jungkook with eager eyes. A few encouraging bellows has Jungkook smiling smally. Jin, on the other hand, looks perplexed.
“What is he doing?” Jin asks no one in particular, a quizzical look on his face. “This isn’t part of their set.”
“I think a lot of you might know this next song,” Jungkook continues, “but I don’t think I’ve ever expressed how much it means to me. This next one, I wrote for a special someone, and it sort of helped us achieve all of this. So, I think it’s time that person knows how much they mean to me.”
Jungkook glances nervously over at the boys standing behind him, each in their own respective spots. Then, sweeping his gaze across the crowd, he finally finds you already staring up at him. His own eyes soften into a look of longing, however hardened by past tribulations and sorrow it may be. As if he’s determined not to lose you again; determined to make it up to you.
“This next one is for Y/N,” he says timidly. He has to turn away from you in the next second, afraid he might just break down before the fans and the boys and you. “I’m sorry I messed up.”
As the boys take their place, with Jimin taking an acoustic and fading back from the limelight, you wonder why. But then you hear it, the familiar beginning chords making up the song you had so wholeheartedly claimed you hated. Only this time they’re gentler, made up of acoustic strums of a guitar, Hoseok’s drums, and Yoongi’s keys, all amalgamating into a pretty song almost unrecognizable.
Then, Jungkook starts singing, and what was once a wistful dreamy song of prospective lovers suddenly turns into a melancholic requiem for you. Some lyrics are changed, present tense turning to the past, and Jungkook sings his way throughout the entirety of the song in contrast to the one that plays all over the radio featuring the other member’s voices. The fans sing along, their voices melding with Jungkook’s into some sort of celestial mellifluous choir, and you’re left no longer wondering if the fans would ever know the meaning behind the song that Jungkook had brought to life. Because now, it wasn’t just Jungkook singing to you; it was the whole world. And yet, paradoxically at the same time, it felt all that much more intimate. As if it were just you and him once again, seated on the couch in his small apartment, listening to the beginnings of what would be their number one selling song.
Above all else, you realize that you don’t seem to hate the song as much you claimed to.
That night, you can’t sleep.
You find yourself leaving the venue earlier than everyone else, even when the boys invite you and Dahyun to join them for celebratory drinks, returning to your home in the hopes of forgetting the night altogether. Instead, you stay up tossing and turning, your mind filled with memories consisting of only Jungkook and his haunting voice singing to you, and for you. But at some point during the night nearing one or two in the morning, just when you give up on the idea of sleep, the sound of incessant knocking at your front door rouses you from your trance.
When you finally answer the door, you’re more than surprised to see that Jungkook stands on the other side of the threshold as if coming to you from a dream. But then you register the fact that he’s a complete mess. Dark circles line his weary eyes, now smudged with that faint hint of charcoal liner he had worn for the concert, hair so messily mused beyond repair, and you notice quickly that he’s crying, fresh tears glazing over his pupils and streaking down his face. It’s startling to see him in such shambles, a complete contrast to how effortlessly charming and confident he usually portrays himself. But though you’ve seen him cry before on various occasions, now is all the more unsettling.
“I━I’m sorry.” It’s the first thing he says, screwing his eyes shut tightly as he shakes his head. He fumbles over his words, slurring them together in his rush to get them out. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now, but I needed to see you.”
“Are you drunk?”
“No, no, I swear━” He pries his eyes open to meet your desolate stare, tears unabashedly falling from his lashes. His voice thins with desperation. “You said we need to stop pretending, but I’m not pretending. I never have been. And if you think ━ if you truly believe ━ that there’s nothing here between us anymore… Tell me. Right here, right now. And I’ll leave you alone forever, you’ll never have to see me again. I just━ I’ve missed you every moment and it kills me.”
You’re silent for a long period, pitying gaze sweeping over him, but he doesn’t care if he looks insane. He just needs you to know how he feels.
“Well, how do you think I felt?” You ask the question carefully, but then the memories come flooding back and the semblance of a scowl forms on your face. “You leave and suddenly everywhere I look I see you. Your song is playing everywhere, you and the guys are everywhere, and I’m reminded every day about how we ended. About how you left me.”
Jungkook blinks. He shakes his head stubbornly, the nerves in the corner of his jaw fluttering as he grits his teeth. “You were the one who said we should take a break.”
“A break!” You snap sternly. “Fuck, Jungkook. I didn’t want you out of my life forever. I wanted you to fight for me.”
“No, don’t put this all on me,” Jungkook pleads helplessly. “I have always fought for you. But the minute things got rough, you bailed. You told me you never wanted to see me again. What the hell was I supposed to do?”
“I was scared!” You try to swallow the tears away that start to form as a lump in your throat but to no avail. “I was, and I still am, so fucking scared of losing you. And you━ It felt like you gave me no choice. Like you were over it. I would have wanted to make things work but you left. You just… You left, and suddenly it was like you were never in my life at all. Seven months, and I get no word from you.”
“I fucked up, okay!” He cries out so suddenly, it silences you at once. He bites at his lip, and straightens up half-heartedly, running a hand through his hair. When he meets your stare this time, he’s zealous yet sincere. “I know that I messed up. I know. And it fucking kills me every single day. I don’t know where it went wrong, but it did, and I know it’s all my fault. When you said we should take a break and I agreed, I was only thinking about you. Because I knew I was disappointing you every day, and I was afraid that was all I would ever do, and you don’t deserve that. I thought it would be better this way, if I was just gone from your life for good. But I can’t forget you.”
“How can I trust you?” You ask. When his pained stare gawks at you, you tilt your chin a little higher. “I came by your hotel room yesterday morning, just like you asked, only to see that girl leaving.”
Jungkook’s gawk turns into a dumbfounded expression. He looks weary as he shakes his head, as if struggling to keep up with the way you accuse him now. He tries not to focus on the fact that you actually came to the hotel, then feels inconsolably terrible when he realizes why he never got to see you. “That girl was Namjoon’s fling. We were sharing the suite, and they were in a whole other room. I didn’t even think about her━”
Your stare droops from him, and he knows he’s struggling to keep you on his side.
“Okay, fine. You want trust? I’ll give it to you,” he says. A newfound sense of confidence seems to possess him, though he approaches the topic with extra caution anyway. “After we broke up, I was crushed. I couldn’t move on from you, and the guys thought I should get drunk, find a random girl to bring back to our hotel one night on tour. And I listened, because I wanted to forget you, but it didn’t work. All I could think about was you. Every time she touched me, every time she kissed me, I could only imagine it was you. And when she left that night, I broke down because I felt like such a fucking idiot. I instantly regretted it. Like, even though you and I weren’t together, I still did something to hurt you by sleeping with that girl. And all it did was hurt me too in the process.”
He pushes himself forward, taking a step over the threshold. Even despite him admitting his wrongs to you, you can’t find it in yourself to hate him. Because, at the end of it all, he’s here at your doorstep, pleading for you to forgive him, but he had already won the moment your eyes had landed on him.
“You’re the reason I am who I am today.” His voice is hoarse when he speaks, almost in a whisper. “That I get to do what I love for a living. But all of it means nothing without you. You saw me at my worst, and my best. And you were the best I ever had, and I ruined it, and the worst part of it all is that there’s nothing I can do to make up for it. But I promise I can make it better ━ I can make it right again ━ if you just give me a chance.”
There’s a short pause filled with poignant silence in which Jungkook thinks you’ll push him away or scream at him. He’s fortunate when you do neither; instead, he hears you whisper faintly.
“Kiss me, Jungkook.”
And it’s more than enough for him. His heart thrums in delight as he wastes no time in reaching out for you. His hands are warm as they come to grasp at your face, holding you delicately; then he’s leaning in to you, drawing you closer and closer until his lips are pressed against yours. It’s unadulterated, but not without feverish passion, noses smushing together in both your eager hastiness to close the distance between the two of you. It doesn’t last long either, though that’s partly because Jungkook can taste your tears mingling on your lips, and can feel your faint smile form against his mouth. Kissing him feels both foreign yet familiar at the same time. You know the feel, the taste, and the sense of comfort that comes with it, but months apart from one another has left it feeling different.
Jungkook’s thumb wipes away at the tears on your face. “Why are you crying?”
It’s a useless question, he knows, but he needs something to fill the silence. He’s relieved when he hears you snicker. “Because I miss you, you idiot. And I’m sorry I’ve been acting like such an idiot. I’ve messed everything up.”
His own shoulders quiver with contented mirth. “It’ll be okay.” As he leans in once more for another kiss, you can feel him murmur against your mouth, “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“Then make it right,” You say, “right here and now.”
“I’ll do anything for you,” he promises earnestly.
Jungkook understands the underlying yearning in your voice even without having you explain yourself. He knows, if only because he can feel it too. As his hands fall to your waist, fingers digging into your skin, your own arms wrap around his neck and pull him into your apartment. He has you pressed up against the nearest wall within seconds, kissing at your throat, then up to your jawline.
“It’s been so long,” he sighs.
You hum in agreement, though your mind is already spinning, and all you can muster is a weak yet urgent croak of his name. “Jungkook.”
Your fingers thread through his hair, tugging at the roots and he croons with delight. His lips finally meet yours again, only this time he lets his tongue lav at your lower lip. Almost as soon as he does so, you notice something strange. It takes a moment for you to register the small metallic object that grazes your lower lip but when you do, you pull away from the boy.
“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks in a confused dazed.
“Is that…” You rasp. “Did you get your tongue pierced?”
Suddenly, Jungkook is smirking, one brow shooting up to his hairline in a smug demeanour. He sticks out his tongue for you to see the silver ball poking through and you almost moan at the sight of it as the thought entices you.
“Oh.” Your face warms with a flustered blush. “That’s new.”
“Yeah,” he says. “Always wanted to get it done. Guess I was saving it for the right moment.”
“Right moment, huh?” You scoff as if the implications don’t already have your thighs rubbing together. “Care to explain?”
“I think you’ll find out soon enough.”
You dissolve into a fit of giggles, marvelling at the way Jungkook’s familiar flirtatious bantering can soothe your troubled heart at once. It’s almost as if time hasn’t lapsed between the two of you.
“I’ve missed this,” You sigh. “I’ve missed you, Jungkook.”
You spot him smiling before he’s kissing you again, this time his tongue slipping past your parted lips to meet yours midway. The piercing is strange to adjust to, but you get used to it quickly, humming at the feeling of it against the soft flesh of your tongue. It’s easy to get lost in one another’s lips as you pull and tug at Jungkook, guiding him to your bedroom, nearly tripping and stumbling over one another in the process. He knows the path like the back of his hand, the same way he knows every curve and dimple of your body as his greedy hands explore you. He has you sprawled out beneath him on the bed in a matter of seconds, carelessly shedding each other of your clothes until you’re left naked and he’s without a shirt.
As he’s tugging off the hoodie you’re wearing, he realizes two things abruptly. One: you’re not wearing anything beneath it, your bare body dazzling him at once. And, two: a sudden thought jogs his memory that makes him ponder aloud, “Is this my sweater?”
“Yes,” You admit sheepishly.
He smirks. “Was wondering where it went.”
“You forgot to take it back when…” You don’t finish your sentence. Instead, you tug your fingers at the hair at the nape of his neck, as if scared he’ll leave again. He doesn’t. Instead, he nestles his body between your legs, tonguing patterns on your neck. “I wear it sometimes, especially when I’m missing you. I don’t know… It just━ It still smells like you, even after all this time.”
Jungkook’s heart nearly implodes. He wonders briefly if he’d prefer fucking you without or with the hoodie; but then he’s letting himself time to study your naked body and he deduces he needs to gaze at you in your entirety a little longer.
“Keep talking,” he murmurs. He starts kissing down your body now, starting from your throat to your collarbones, between the valley of your breasts, then your navel. “Tell me more. How badly did you miss me?”
“So badly,” You whimper. Your legs instinctively part to make way for him as he shifts downward, kissing just above your core. A shudder runs down your spine when he kisses the inside of your thigh. “Sometimes I’d put your sweater on and touch myself to the thought of you.”
He grunts against you, teeth softly biting at your flesh. His tongue pokes against your thigh, the metallic piercing a dully cold sensation as he licks upward to your core. He laps at your folds, as if to taste the glistening cum that starts to form.
Your breath audibly hitches in your throat, hips jutting forward to meet his mouth. “I missed your hands, and the way they made me feel. Missed your mouth between my legs. Missed cumming on your tongue, or your fingers.”
Now, you’re starting to understand what he meant by waiting for the right moment to use the piercing to its fullest potential. As he lifts his head higher to tongue at your clit, the piercing makes your head spin. The contrast between his soft tongue and the harsh metal works wonders against you, rubbing you just the right way that has you a moaning mess beneath him within a matter of seconds.
“Fuck━” You cry out, hands twisting in his hair. “My hands never feel the same. You always made me feel so good, Jungkook.”
He hums something in response, the sound reverberating up your spine. He busies himself by replacing his tongue with his finger, rubbing small, controlled circles against your clit as he lowers his mouth to your folds. He teases the piercing against the sensitive flesh before lapping at your insides, burrowing further into you.
“Ooh, Jungkook━”
The noise that eclipses your throat is a piqued sob of delight. The piercing that scratches against your walls has your insides throbbing, body twisting and turning beneath him. You grab at your breasts, fingers pinching at the perked buds as you imagine Jungkook’s hands in replace of yours.
His mouth wraps just right around you and he sucks hard, earning a beautiful moan from you. It doesn’t take long for you to draw closer to your high, sputtering and whimpering at every action he does. Soon he’s burrowing his face even closer against your core, nose nudging against your clit in a way that makes you writhe and squirm. Before he can get carried away (and he certainly could), Jungkook decides to come to a stop which seems to thoroughly surprise and upset you. When you feel his missing warmth between your legs and the sticky wet mess accentuated further by the cool air that hits you, you pout like a child.
“That’s not fair,” you whine.
“Sorry, baby. Need to feel you.” He pulls away from you and crawls over your body once more. He kisses your lips, sloppy and heated, and lets you taste your own succulence on your tongue. “God, I need to feel you so bad.”
You’re just as much startled as you were seconds ago to hear the slight whine in his voice, a sound hot enough to almost push you over the edge.
“I’ve missed you too, just so you know,” he moans, burrowing his face in the crook of your neck. Your fingers continue to scratch delicately at his scalp and he simpers delightfully against you. He ruts his hips eagerly against yours, the bulge in his pants rough against your core. “So fucking much.”
“How much?” Now it’s your turn to ask, your curiosity getting the best of you once you find your voice.
“Every day,” he sighs as he continues to grind his hips into yours. “Get so hard at the thought of you. Your pretty mouth moaning my name. Your hands in my hair, just like this━” You pull a little tighter at the roots of his locks, and he has to stifle his contented moan. “And your body━ Fuck, your body. You take my dick so well, baby.”
“Jungkook,” You mewl impatiently. “Wanna feel you in me.”
“Fuck, okay. Okay━”
He hastens to rid himself of his pants and you help, arms momentarily tangling with one another in your rush. Then he’s kneeling before you, one hand planted firmly on your hip, rings digging roughly against your skin, as his other hand wraps a fist around his hard length, slowly pumping himself. He guides the tip of his leaking cock to your core and pushes himself forward carefully. He easily slips past your folds, coaxed by your slick walls, that he has to pause to give you both time to adjust to the feeling. It’s just as he remembered, though somehow better, and he isn’t so sure how long he’ll last. You don’t know either, marvelling in the way he stretches you open.
“Oh, shit,” he grunts.
He watches as your jaw drops open in a silent gap, your eyes fixed only on his. You grab at his hips, fingers scratching delicately over the laurel tattoos inked there, prompting him to move. He does so in one languid movement, burying deeper and deeper into you until you feel so full and he feels so warm. He fucks into you a little sluggish at first, taking his time and enjoying the way your clenching walls feel around his throbbing cock. It’s a pace so maddening that it soon has the both of you panting, heavy moans filling the space around you. Your own fingers dig into his shoulders, his back, his hips ━ anything to keep a hold on reality as you slowly lose yourself to the pleasure. He reaches for one of your hands, eager to feel you in more ways than one, and laces his digits with yours, pressing your clasped palms above your head. You squeeze tightly, his name falling from your lips in a cry.
“Doing so good,” he mumbles through gritted teeth. “Feel so nice, baby.”
Jungkook grasps at your hips and flips the two of you over. He lands on his back on the soft mattress and you fumble to not break the pace. Firmly planting your hands on his chest, you grind against him, sweat coating your forehead. He watches you with a dark fascination, brows screwed together and jaw clenched as your own cum starts leaking down his length. Not wanting to waste another moment without being beside you, he sits up and shifts you in his lap. Then he pulls you close to him, chest pulled flush against chest to the point where he can feel the rapid beat of your heart against his. You whimper aloud, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck as he guides your hips back and forth on him. There’s little to no space between your gyrating bodies, sweaty skin sticking to one another.
At some point, Jungkook notices you’re crying again, steady tears tangling in your lashes and wetting your face. Despite the way you’re driving him to near euphoria, he brushes your hair out of your face and manages to ask, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
“I’m sorry━ fuck,” You gasp. He can tell you’re genuinely sympathetic for whatever’s making you cry but it’s hard for you to convey it properly when you’re still so consumed by him. “I’m so sorry━ I’m okay. I just━ You feel so good, Jungkook.”
“It’s okay,” he whispers, rubbing tender circles against your waist that contrasts with the fierce burn between your legs. “You’re okay, baby. Doing so well for me, aren’t you? Cum for me, yeah?”
You won’t tell him why you’re crying ━ not yet, at least. But Jungkook thinks he knows why; he can feel it too. The bitter sense of longing and mingling regret for all the time lost. The overwhelming feeling of love of finally being reunited. You continue to roll your hips against his, and he, breathless, rubs his nose faintly against yours, resting his forehead against yours.
It doesn’t take much longer after that for you to come tumbling to you high. He strokes your hair so lovingly as you ride him recklessly, leisure rolls of your hips driving you to your high. When you cum, the feeling completely washes over you and electricity crackles in your veins, warming your entire body. He holds you close to his chest the entire time as you writhe with pleasure, your walls clenching around his cock.
“Fuck, I’m gonna━” His voice splinters off as you busy yourself by sucking a bruise onto the underside of his jaw.
He reaches his high moments later just as you’re beginning to wince at the feeling of oversensitivity. He grunts and groans, spilling his hot seed into you, and then, with his hips slammed against yours, grinds leisurely to ride out your highs.
Then, the room falls silent.
Neither of you move from your warm embrace, with you still perched on his lap, his cock softening inside you as his cum runs down his length and onto your thighs. Your face is hidden in the crook of his neck, and he waits until you’ve both calmed down from your orgasms. You’re running your fingers through his sweaty hair, but he knows you’re still sad. He kisses you all over in the meantime, a few ticklish kisses that make you smile sleepily and a few loving ones that have your heart swelling. Then, he gingerly shifts your head to look at him.
“Why were you crying?” he asks silently.
It takes you a moment to respond. You cling to him tightly when you do and all he can do is cradle you closer to him. “I don’t want this to be some kind of drunken one night stand thing. Like we both needed one last fuck to get over each other, or something."
“You mean more to me than a one night stand,” Jungkook says and it makes you smile smally, a little timidly.
“That’s good,” You say, “because I’m not over you or us. I want us to work out. I love you too much to lose you again, and I’m scared this might be the last time I’ll ever see you.”
“I’m not letting that happen,” Jungkook shakes his head furiously. “I’d be an absolute idiot to let that happen. You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere this time. You’re my priority, Y/N. You always have been. Not the band and definitely not the record label.”
“I’m sure the boys will love to hear that,” You snort to yourself.
“Yeah, well, I’m sure they’ll understand,” Jungkook grins. But you’re only joking, and you know he sort of is too. That’s not to say the band isn’t still important to him, but you take precedent over it. “Without you, I wouldn’t even have the chance to be where I am now.”
You nuzzle your nose against his own, and he steals one sweet kiss from you.
“Do you really mean all that?”
“With my whole heart.”
And, when he says it, you know he means it. There’s no reason not to trust him.
You’ll both move eventually from one another’s arms, soft touches from Jungkook peeling you off of him and wrapping you in your covers before falling asleep beside you, and waking up in the morning with you in his arms. But, for now, it’s just you and him, a little broken still yet all the more in love.
While you both know healing a broken heart will take time, you’re both prepared for it because you’re both worth it to one another ━ and that’s all either of you really need in the end to make it right.
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#btsbookclub#smutcentralnet#jungkook#jungkook smut#jungkook angst#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#jungkook x y/n#bts#bts smut#bts angst#bts scenarios#jungkook scenarios#jungkook imagines#jeongguk smut#jeon jeongguk smut#jeon jungkook smut#bangtan smut#bangtan#bts fanfic#bts oneshots
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you mentioned sam’s home life earlier- can we hear your thoughts on that?
(previous iCarly posts: 1 - 2 - 3)
hell yeah, let’s dig into what we know about Sam Puckett.
firstly, unlike many of the other characters in this show, Sam’s absent parent is actually mentioned! (shocking, right?)
Sam talks about her father a few different times, but every time she does, it’s...not good. and, it’s always a part of a joking and/or snarky comment about something else.
one example is in s04e10 (iParty With Victorious). in this ep, Carly says (about a guy she’s worried might be cheating on her), "He told me I'm one of a kind!" and Sam responds with, "Yes, and my dad once told my mom he was coming back!"
another mention is in the finale (iGoodbye) when Carly asks Sam’s opinion about her going to live with her dad, and Sam says, “Dude...if my dad asked me to spend some time with him in Italy, I’d say - well, first I’d say ‘Oh, so you’re my dad...’ - and then I’d go.”
between these snippets, we can see a clear (but upsetting) picture - Sam doesn’t know who her father is, and it’s because he abandoned her.
cool, so, off to a dark start! but don’t worry - it only goes downhill from here.
a major part of Sam’s character is her love of food - and that’s great! it’s cool to see a female character have that personality trait, because that’s pretty uncommon. but although her relationship with food is often played for laughs, I think there’s a serious concern here that nobody in the show really talks about.
Sam raids the Shays’ fridge almost every time she comes over. Sam hoards food in her pockets, and reacts violently when people try to take food away from her. Sam eats very quickly, to the point where it’s almost dangerous.
these signs all point to one thing: Sam has experienced food insecurity from a very young age.
I mean hell, Sam and Carly’s very first interaction with each other happened when Sam tried to steal Carly’s tuna sandwich, because she didn’t have a packed lunch of her own (shown in a flashback in s01e17).
and when Sam got a decent amount of money for the first time in s01e18 (iPromote Tech-Foots), she hired her own personal chef. why, you may ask? because (and this is an actual quote from the episode), “Well, my mom doesn’t feed me...”
unrelated rant: speaking of s01e18, it’s absolutely wild to me that this show had an episode where the moral can be boiled down to “1. don’t take money to promote products that you haven’t personally used, and 2. smart technology is often dangerous or, at the very least, unnecessary.”
back then (in 2008), it seemed like kind of a weird thing to teach to children, but considering how influencers and sponsorships and easily-exploitable smart tech have flourished in the years since, I feel like more people probably should have taken that episode’s message to heart...
anyway, back to the topic at hand. here’s something you might have forgotten: Samantha Puckett is not an only child! she has a twin sister named Melanie who shows up in exactly one episode (but is mentioned in a few others).
Melanie is everything that Sam isn’t - she goes to a fancy boarding school, she gets good grades, and she’s the only mentioned member of the Puckett family that doesn’t have a criminal record. and here’s something else we know: Melanie is their mother’s favorite child.
this actually comes up in s04e02 (iSam’s Mom) when Sam’s mother (played by Jane Lynch, by the way!) yells at Sam, “Why can’t you be more like Melanie?!”
we can see from all of this why Sam hates Melanie so much - she’s spent her whole life being compared to her, while at the same time being raised very differently. Sam was abused and neglected by their mom, and had to fight to survive - but it seems that Melanie didn’t have those same struggles.
I’m not saying that Melanie had it easy (I mean, they were both born on a bus, and did probably have some shared trauma from when they were young), but at the very least, being at boarding school meant that she escaped a lot of their mother’s anger and neglect.
personally, I’m of the belief that Sam’s mistreatment stems from her mom’s own self-hatred. on some level, Pam Puckett hates herself, and so she takes that out on the child that most resembles her - Sam - while rewarding and praising the child that she most wishes she could be like.
it’s fucked up. Sam’s entire life is fucked up...which is why she needs Carly as much as she does.
when Sam and Carly met, they were 8 years old, and both of them had already been through so much. Sam’s mom was neglectful and abusive, and Carly’s mom had died. in the show they’re painted as polar opposites, but it’s not really surprising that with their shared trauma, they’d find in each other a deep and lasting friendship.
I think Spencer saw that too. he saw this scrawny, angry little 8-year-old trying to fight her way through life, and he knew that he had to help her. that’s why the Shay fridge is always well-stocked for when Sam comes over, and it’s why he doesn’t really mind when he finds her in their apartment when Carly’s not home.
I know I talk a lot about Spencer Shay, but I really think that he’s the glue that holds this entire show together. he may be a big goofy man-child, but he’s also the main role model for three kids, only one of whom he’s related to. sure, he’s done some weird and messed-up stuff, but I truly cannot shut up about the good that he’s done, and the impact he’s had on these kids’ lives.
and speaking of...
I see this ask, and I appreciate it. I’m still convinced that Spencer’s closeted for a reason (as I mentioned in my other post), but I do think that Spencer would see Sam and know that she wasn’t straight. the queer energy just bleeds off of her, mixed in with all of the anger and desperation that’s kept her alive.
the real question is, does Sam have the self-awareness to realize this about herself?
maybe. I like to think she does, especially near the end of the show. the signs have been there from the start: Sam got jealous almost every time Carly had a boyfriend, or even another close friend. she once got a job at the Pear Store just because Carly said that Freddie looked cute in his uniform. if Sam spent a moment in introspection, I think she’d figure it out.
but I also think it might be hard for her for another reason: she’s never really seen what a healthy relationship looks like. all of her friends’ parents are either divorced, widowed, or otherwise separated, and Sam’s mom is...I mean, she’s a mess. Pam Puckett’s been engaged eighteen times, and she’s fucked so many Italian guys that Sam learned how to speak fluent Italian, and yes, that is a canon fact (s04e01).
even when Sam dated Freddie, it was awkward and forced. they were basically two kinsey-5s trying to turn their mutual hatred for each other (and maybe even their mutual crushes on both Shay siblings) into a relationship, and when things got tough, they crashed and burned.
my point here is that when you haven’t seen healthy relationships, it’s harder to figure out if that’s something you might want. and if you do want it, it can be hard to reconcile what you’re feeling with what you think society expects from you, based on the relationships that you have seen.
and it’s not just about dating - Sam hasn’t seen many examples of healthy behavior in general. most of the adults in Sam’s life either ignore her, treat her like a criminal, or are themselves criminals! when it comes down to it, the only good adult role model that Sam has is...Spencer Shay.
Spencer knows that Sam is a troublemaker, but he never once tries to stop Carly from being friends with her. Spencer encourages her interests, offers her advice, and helps her out when things are rough - like the time she was having recurring nightmares about soup being stolen from her (which again, ties back into the food insecurity thing).
and in the series finale, Spencer gave her what is maybe the most important gift she’s ever received - he gave her a way out. he gave her that motorcycle, and told her she had a good heart, and that set Sam free.
Spencer saw the kindness (and the queerness) in her, even under the layers she’d built up to protect herself, and he gave her a way to carve her own future.
because of this, Sam got one of the happiest endings in the show. although her future was uncertain, she got to escape her abusive mom and create a new life for herself, under nobody’s terms but her own.
I just think it’s neat.
#sam puckett#spencer shay#icarly#icarly meta#personal#xphro#shipperqueen#biscuitcultist#spider-honey#etc#I'm sorry I am too tired to tag everybody#long post#also for the record#I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to fuck italian guys#I'm just saying that maybe Pam Puckett should have been looking after Sam#instead of having a long string of messy relationships#also#introducing your hookups to your kid is a bad look#don't do that#it is actually canon that Sam has a crush on Spencer by the way#it was mentioned in iGet Pranky and iToe Fatcakes#look at me citing my sources#my sibling said I should title this post 'iCite My Sources'#but I told them#'iWon't Do That'#a little icarly humor for you
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crush
pov. you have a crush on your brother’s best friend
request. Hi! Congrats on 2.4k!!🤩 For the event, may I request an au where reader is Yuuta’s sister? Can be gn/fem reader anything is fine. And they fall in love with Toge? Fluff fluff fluff please
notes. awww i love this request, i have a fat crush on toge so i enjoyed writing this! i made this a modern high school au, by the way!
You stare disappointedly at the black wrappings of your bento, sighing because your brother took the wrong one again. Waving goodbye to your friend, you made your way to your brother’s classroom, knocking on the door to get his attention. However, it isn’t your brother who’d stopped laughing mid-conversation. Instead, it’s a familiar-looking platinum haired guy, his purple eyes glimmering with mischief as he slapped your brother’s arm.
“Yo, Yuta, I think someone’s looking for you,” you heard him say.
Meanwhile, you just stood there blankly, your throat growing dry because he was cute – like actually handsome boy-next-door cute.
You’ve met lots of cute guys before, but they were all very immature that you found no interest in others. He, on the other hand, was nothing less of polite, shooting up from his seat because your stupid brother was too invested in his video games. The guy flashed you a bright smile, the beauty of his face up close enhanced that you felt your heart squealing.
Not that you’d ever show that, of course, so you just reciprocated with a polite smile to hide your frantic nerves.
“Hi! You here for Yuta-kun?”
“Y-yes.”
Before he could speak, an arm had shoved him aside. Yuta stood before you, his frown apparent while his friend stayed at the side, a smile still playing on his lips. It took all your energy to not stare at him too much in fear he’d easily read through you.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“You swapped lunches with me,” you shoved the black bento box to his chest, stepping closer to your brother to whisper in his ear. “Is that a friend of yours?”
“Yeah, he’s Toge. He used to play with us a lot before he moved away, but his family’s back in town. Don’t you remember him?”
“No…”
“Toge, come here!” he called out to his retreating friend, the guy freezing in his tracks before he jogged up to where you were quickly. Oh crap, you kept gushing, he really was cute. He placed an arm around your brother’s shoulder, nodding at you as a greeting. “Remember my sister? You used to play with her a lot when we were kids. You kept stealing her Barbies, remember?”
“I did?” Toge looked shocked, his back bending into a fake bow. “I’m very sorry for that, but don’t worry, I don’t do that anymore.”
“I don’t play with Barbies at this age!” you defended, heat spreading all over your skin when he winked at you. Both of them laughed at your flushed face, and you crossed your arms on your chest, glaring at your brother. Really though, you were just trying to hide the fact you were very attracted to his friend, even more so now that he was actually familiar. “Stupid Yuta-nii.”
“You’re cute,” Toge randomly piped in.
If you were feeling shy before, you couldn’t speak now.
“Dude, don’t talk about my sister like that,” Yuta gagged, slapping his friend on the chest who effortlessly ducked away, his laughter like music in your ears. You stared at him for who knew how long, his happiness absorbed in your body as you found yourself giggling back. Yuta, on the other hand, wasn’t as impressed, rolling his eyes at his friend before turning to you. “You should go back to class. The bell will ring soon.”
“Okay,” you nodded quietly, hesitating for a moment. Surely it wouldn’t be too weird, right? Deciding to heck with it though, you balled your hands into fists, mustering the courage to look him in the eye as you said, “See you, Toge-senpai.”
He simply shrugged his brows up as a farewell, and just like that, you dashed down the hall so fast you put Quicksilver to shame.
Great. Out of all the days it had to storm, it had to be on the rare moment you forgot your umbrella. Unsurprisingly enough, it was Yuta’s fault for making you forget it. Both of you had slept in too much, but instead of being the responsible older brother, he left you to prepare the meals all by yourself while he spent half an hour fixing his hair. In your haste to arrive on school on time, you’d forgotten to pick up your umbrella, and now the misfortune of it slapped you right on the face.
“Tch, how can I go home?” you glared at no one in particular.
Yuta had to stay behind for baseball practice in the covered court, leaving you all alone to take the bus by yourself. Well, not that it mattered, going home alone was way better than listening to your brother rant about video games and girls he wanted to talk to in class.
Shifting your weight from one foot to another, brows pinched as you mulled on the different ways you could come back home, you came up with two options.
One, run like hell and risk getting sick from this weather, or two, wait for the rain to subside.
But ugh, you wanted to go home already. Before you knew it, you’d unknowingly pouted, arms hugged to yourself while you cursed your stupid brother a hundred times over in your head. Too lost in your own thoughts, you failed to hear humming from behind you, a scream nearly ripping from your lips when someone planted himself beside you.
“Hey, you’re here!”
You gazed up at him wide-eyed, subconsciously stepping away to keep your beating heart at bay. “H-hello, Toge-senpai.”
“Please, just call me Toge,” he offered, opening his umbrella before his eyes landed on you. Probably realizing you were quite helpless, Toge smiled, nudging you to come closer to him. “Hey, I’ll walk you home. You guys still live in the same block?”
“Yeah.”
And so there you were, debating that maybe Yuta’s carelessness wasn’t such a bad thing. After all, if it would lead to your crush taking you home, then you weren’t complaining. Funny how the weather seemed so gloomy, a huge contrast to the sunshine you radiated at the sheer happiness of living out your most romantic fantasies. It was silly, actually, to crush on your brother’s best friend of all people, but Toge was so nice and handsome – it was kind of impossible not to like him.
In the span of two weeks that you’d known him, he’d been nothing but friendly. And no, you weren’t going to admit you started visiting their classroom more often than before, simply because you wanted to get a glimpse of him.
Toge pulled you out of your lovesick trance, his arm landing on your waist before he shifted you beside him. You noticed he was now closer to the road while you were on the safer side of the sidewalk, and god, did he just step closer? He was close enough that your arms brushed with each step, sending a wave of heat that you bit back by tugging your lips with your teeth.
“For warmth,” he explained as if reading your mind, arm raised lazily in a shrug. “Wouldn’t want you to get cold.”
“Thank you,” you muttered, hiding your face under your scarf.
You and Toge were silent the whole time, but it was a silence you adored. Very rarely that you found comfort in silence with others, but with Toge, it felt so easy – so natural. You hadn’t even realized you were already at home, Toge chuckling at your spaced out self. He bid his farewell then, his back facing yours as he walked away when you blurted, “Oh, my parents aren’t home. I think you should stay first to let the rain calm down a bit. You live a little far from school, right?”
Toge looked a little surprised, his eyes shooting up to the sky with a sigh. Inwardly, you were screaming because you just invited him inside, but Toge was already waddling back to you before you could regret it.
“Yeah, thanks for the invitation. I don’t think I should go home in this weather too,” he said, following you across the threshold. He looked around in awe, his shoes left in the front door before he crossed the living room with you, his eyes shining with nostalgia and happiness. “Wow, your place hasn’t changed one bit. I missed being here.”
You flashed him a smile. Turns out it wasn’t that bad – Toge being comfortable made you comfortable. Aside from the nervousness partnered with shyness from having a crush, you applauded yourself for being able to look him in the eye as you asked, “Do you want tea, coffee…?”
“Water is fine. Thanks,” he shrugged off his jacket and placed it behind a chair, chuckling when you nodded too fast. Toge, much to your dismay (or delight?!) trailed behind you in the kitchen, having no business looking that handsome as he leaned against the counter. Him being unaware of his effect on you was even worse, and you bit the inside of your cheeks, trembling as you poured him a glass of water.
From behind you, Toge snickered, “Why are you so jittery? Do I make you nervous?”
“A-a little.”
“Why? Am I intimidating?” he appeared beside you out of nowhere, so close that you could count his lashes. You leaned back with a muffled squeal, eyes wide at the proximity. Toge, as always, seemed completely unaware of it, taking his time to assess your features with a hand on his chin as if all the answers he was looking for was written all over your face. “Yuta told me I was very easy to approach though.”
“No, it’s not that, I just…” you stuttered, giving in with weak knees and turning your head to the side. Your heart, your poor heart! “Crap, I hate myself.”
“You were saying something?”
“I, uhm, it’s just,” you panicked, mind failing to function now of all times. “I think…I have a crush on you?”
The room fell silent.
Realization dawning on you, you flattened your palms together in a begging motion. Toge merely blinked back at you, and you were so close to just kneeling to the gods to rid yourself of this moment forever. “Please forget everything I said, I’m so sorry! Gosh, Yuta’s going to kill me, forget I said anything, I didn’t mean to be weird.”
“Hey, chill, it’s fine!” he laughed, helping you get up just before you fell in exasperation. Then, he smirked at you, wiggling his brows in the process. “I kind of knew that anyway, to be honest.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I mean, you asked me to marry you when we were kids,” he informed you, but the memory never played back in your mind. It wasn’t a lie though, you really did ask him that when you were kids. Embarrassment taking hold of you, you groaned behind your palms, feeling like your heart was going to explode every now and then.
“Oh my gosh…”
“It’s okay,” Toge peeled your arms away from your face, his grin nothing less of teasing the moment he’s greeted by your shyness. “I did say yes – let’s just wait after high school, yeah?”
#inumaki toge x reader#toge x reader#inumaki to/ge x reader#inumaki to/ge fluff#inumaki to/ge x reader fluff#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen romance#inumaki x reader#inumaki to/ge imagines#inumaki to/ge x reader imagines#inumaki to/ge romance#inumaki to/ge x reader romance#inumaki toge x reader romance#inumaki toge x reader fluff#inumaki toge imagines#PLEASEEE I LIKE HIM SO MUCH BRRRRR#suki: 2.4k milestone event
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nerd!armin x popular bimbo girl!reader?
the reader needs a tutor so she asks the smartest boy on campus and they have a “study session” in the library
Thank you for your request! I hope you like it! (ALSO: I’m so sorry this took so long to write omgmgg please forgive me) ~ I also would like to write a better version of this later. Though I'm in love with this prompt, I feel I didn't write the smut part that well.
Minors DNI! NSFW below the cut. Fem!Reader, FemBodied!Reader.
_________________________
At this point, Armin’s legs were burning, his heart racing and hands uncontrollably shaking, while you were practically out breath, your lungs tightening as you released yet another hearty laugh and not caring about the sweat running down your forehead. Neither you nor Armin expected to be running away from the librarian at 2am in the morning on the cold, campus sidewalk, your hair and makeup questionably messy and his shirt noticeably unbuttoned with hickeys staining his neck. However, the thrill of it all was something you didn’t know you both needed…
Earlier:
“Y/n?” Armin questioned, waving his sharpened pencil in front of your face. “Are you paying attention?” He awkwardly laughed as he scratched the back of his neck. You look up at him, battering your mascara-covered eyelashes at him. “Ahh… I have no idea what’s going on,” you sighed.
Armin wanted to bang his head against the library table. He knew it would be difficult teaching the ‘campus bimbo,’ but he didn’t know it would be this hard… yet there he was. 1am on a Thursday, the test tomorrow, and you still couldn’t grasp the basics of quadratic functions.
“Why don’t we take a break?” he suggested, loudly dropping his pencil on the table, leaning back in his chair, and adjusting his disheveled collar poking out of his blue sweater.
“Okay!” you giggled mindlessly, turning to face him in your chair as you twirled your hair in your fingers. “Even though I’ll probably fail the test tomorrow, thank you for teaching me!” you exclaimed, fiddling with your compact mirror and checking your dolled-up face.
Armin tensed up at your backhanded words. Pushing his hair back out of frustration, he cursed the fact he was wasting his time with such an ai-headed girl.
“Y-you’re welcome,” he hastily said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.
Why didn’t he say no to your study session - if you could even call it a study session - ? Even though Armin was the school nerd, it’s no surprise to him that you came and asked him for help because, well… Everyone does that - always taking advantage of Armin - only talking to him because they want to use his neat, color-coded notes, only inviting him to parties so that he would later help them study.
You felt bad for Armin. Though you couldn’t deny he was way too uptight, everyone did make fun of him for every little thing; the way he dressed like a professor, how he was always so punctual, the way he was the first to raise his hand when the teacher asked a question, how he came extra prepared to class with extra pencils.
But being so close to him now, this was the first time you realized how handsome he actually was. His turquoise veins protruding from his soft, pale skin… his slender fingers gently holding his flashcards, his toned muscles peeking their way through his rolled up sleeves and making his clothes just a little tight, the sharpness of jawline contrasting with his kind, bright smile, the way his ocean blue eyes stared intently with such passion, and his thick, golden hair growing to his eyebrows, allowing his cute ears to shyly show themselves while his undercut beautifully shaped his face… he was beautiful.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” you suddenly asked.
Armin was taken aback by this question. No one had ever asked him this nor did any one seem to have any interest in his personal life whatsoever.
“No,” he paused, “I don’t have time for that stuff…” he trailed off. Armin never had a girlfriend, and thinking about it now, he never really had any crushes. He was way too busy keeping up with his grades, extra curricular activities, and student council. It would be practically impossible for him to keep such close relations with his kind of responsibilities, but that doesn’t mean he’s not lonely… his arms aching for someone to hold, his heart cold due the absence of warmth of a person he loves.
Armin didn’t bother asking you if you had a boyfriend. You were the most popular person on campus, partying with countless dudes every weekend, hanging out with a large group of girls at the mall nearly every day, your phone buzzing so much during class that your professor told you multiple times to turn it off, and you were pretty - your hair was always done in a pretty style, your makeup (though a bit slutty) always brought out the best features of your face, your nails were always painted, your skin was smooth and silky, and your perfume scent was addicting. Not only that but your clothes showed off your body so well; your skirt that was just a little short allowed people to see your cute panties when you bend over to pick something up, and your shirt that was barely even a shirt was always cropped above your waist and showed off your bouncy, plush cleavage… so of course you had a boyfriend. But even though Armin was an incredibly focused nerd, he couldn’t deny that your sweet smell, tight clothes, and lipstick-covered lips made him lustful.
“Too busy for that stuff?! Aren’t you lonely? It’s like you don’t even know how to have fun,” you chuckle, jokingly hitting his shoulder which happened to be really muscular underneath his sweater.
“Haha yeah,” he said, seemingly uninterested in where you were going with this.
“If you’re so busy, does that mean you don’t have time to masturbate?” you giggled, covering your plump mouth with your hand and fluttering your eyelashes at him.
Armin became extremely flustered as tints of red washed over his body in waves.
“W-what?” he stuttered. “Why are you asking me these questions? We are supposed to be studying!” he quietly shrieked, looking away to break eye contact with you and playing with the watch on his wrist.
“Haha, I am just joking. You’re such a nerdy boy, just want to make you blush,” you sincerely smiled.
“W-well I am a young college student, so obviously I - I do that from time to time thanks to p-porn,” he stammered.
“Woah woah wait. Someone as uptight and rigid as you watches porn?” you harshly laughed, genuinely shocked. You scooted your chair closer to him and leaned into his neck, your hot breath caressing his skin and your hair resting upon his shoulder. “What kind of porn does this nerd like to watch?” you inquired, widely grinning as you saw how embarrassed Armin had become.
On the inside, Armin was fuming, mostling frightened that he had gotten himself into an embarrassing loop with no escape that would most likely be gossiped about amongst the popular students, but mostly angry that some dumb, slutty bitch was wanting to pry into his personal life, not even appreciating the fact that he spent countless hours in the library helping you study to no avail because you couldn’t pay attention if your life depended on it… that this same dumb, slutty bitch was just getting her fun from teasing some nerd who is taken advantage of and forgotten by everyone… angry that you - with your pretty makeup, plump lips, short skirt, and overflowing cleavage - weren’t paying the price for your teasing.
Suddenly, Armin sat up in his chair, his muscles tensing through his clothes, and an aggravated look forming across his face, wrinkling his brows. He quickly takes a fistful of your hair and pulls you close to his face, allowing you to see the different shades of blue in his eyes and his soft, blond eyelashes. His innocent, geeky look is nowhere to be found on his face as he intensely stares into your eyes.
“It just so happens that this nerd likes to watch useless, empty-headed bimbos like you get their pussies abused,” he said, dominance seething from his teeth as his mint breath hits your face. Before you even have time to think, Armin unbuttons his slacks and practically forces your mouth on his hard, pretty cock.
Watching you gag and choke on his cock with saliva dribbling down your chin made him laugh. “You’re gonna have to be a little quieter, slut, we’re in a library remember?” he coos. He abruptly pulls you off his cock, taking in the sight of his lipstick-stained tip and the mascara tears streaming down your face. His treatment was so harsh and so sudden, making you miss the ‘nicer’ and ‘quieter’ Armin, but you couldn’t deny his sudden dominance made your aching cunt flood with arousal.
Before doing anything else, Armin scans the library, making sure no one is around. Grabbing your wrist, he forces you to sit on his lap, facing him on top of the library chair. Everything happened so quickly, barely even leaving you time to think, barely leaving you time to think that Armin was using your body to relieve his anger and frustration, not leaving you time to realize how sopping wet your needy cunt actually was.
Sitting atop his lap, he spreads your plush, soft thighs, exposing the fact that you didn’t wear any panties to this study session, causing Armin’s eyes to widen.
“I don’t know why I’m so surprised that a whore like you wouldn’t wear anything underneath your short skirt to our little ‘play date,’” he snickers. He leans close to your ear, softly biting your neck. “It’s almost like you were asking to be fucked by me.”
You don’t know what to say. Your mind is so empty, fuzzy, and shocked that the only thing you can do is comply when he demands that you ride his cock. Armin lets out a low groan from the bottom of his throat as your tight, warm pussy encloses his thick cock. You let a pathetic whimper as he begins to thrust up into you, and Armin gives you a glare, reaching up and tightening his hands around your throat. “Remember, you have to be quiet, or are you too dumb to remember that?” he sinisterly smiles.
Armin begins to harshly thrust into you as you wrap your arms around his neck, holding onto dear life as he deeply penetrates your spongy, sensitive walls. He slithers his slender hands into your shirt and starts toying with your nipples and pinching them when you’re being too loud.
Groping your ass, he whispers in your ear, “you know, I don’t even know why you’re in college… you’re so dumb. Why don’t you just drop out and be my little slut for when I come back after class, huh?” You sink your head into the crook of his neck, embarrassment coming over you at the same time as pleasure fills your walls when he tells you those mean words.
He grabs your hair, forcing you to look at him. Your hair is a tangled mess, your makeup completely smeared, and your eyebrows furrowed as your innocent-looking eyes beg for some type of release.
“F-fuck, you look so dirty,” he groans, leaning his head back.
“And you look like two students who are going to be in so much trouble…”
Both of you tense up and look behind you to find the librarian staring daggers into your souls.
Immediately, you hop off of Armin’s dick, gathering your things as he struggles to pull up his pants. Both of you at an ungodly speed bolt out of the library doors. Yeah, getting potentially banned from the library would suck, but maybe it was something you both needed. Armin needed to learn to loosen up, have some fun, and you needed to learn to take things seriously and maybe just put in a little more effort.
“Ya’know, it’s kind of late. We can go back to my dorm, and I can help you study for maybe another half hour… if you want,” Armin shyly asks as you both continue running down the sidewalk.
“What about the other half hour?” you questioned.
Armin’s face grows red. “We can finish… chemistry…”
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Redemption Panel Highlights and Reactions
GATORS
i.e., Beth Riesgraf and Christian Kane (mostly Beth) talking about filming the scenes in (what I presume is) The Rollin’ on the River Job, where they’re pulling some stuff out of the water, and finding out the next day that there was an absolutely massive alligator pulled out of the same place just a little while after they filmed it
Beth’s impression of the wildlife folks warning them about the alligators
Beth scaring the hell out of Noah Wyle by yelling “GATOR” at him just after he finished his scene
seriously that was an absolutely WILD part of the panel
Everyone showering Aleyse Shannon with literally all the love!
Aldis Hodge in particular big-brothering her, and also the older actors calling her out for not giving herself enough credit, and Dean Devlin talking about how she blew him away at the auditions with her ability to turn on a dime
Seeing Kane with his glasses off wiping at his eyes, momentarily thinking “you okay dude?” and then realizing that he was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes
(same)
The The Bucket Job clip! I’ve been a bit meh on a lot of Redemption, just in how it didn’t feel quite right, but that is possibly the absolute closest I’ve seen it get to the original in the best way. Brilliant
Which comes as no surprise since BETH RIESGRAF directed the episode!!! And apparently put an insane amount of effort in!
Beth’s utter delight and joy at both directing the episode and having the crew behind her
THE CHAIR
So apparently she and Christian went to town on the fight scene and he winds up tied up in a chair somewhere along the line and there’s a whole wild scene, which I am really looking forward to
Beth knowing how insanely particular he’d be about things like zip ties vs rope and what kind of rope e.t.c. e.t.c.
Apparently this is also tied into a VERY DEEP scene with Eliot? It sounds like they’re going to go super hard on his backstory, which is terrifyingly exciting
Just. Beth and Christian going very hard on that episode together
Speaking of: the panel’s going amazingly, I’m laughing so hard my stomach hurts, things are relatively light, and then, of fucking course—
Kane hitting us over the head about Eliot being a mass murderer who can’t be redeemed, is trying to stay static so that he can maintain the place he’s in, and is thus LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH HARRY
What the FUCK. This is of course incredibly insightful and perfectly on point (because it’s Kane) but also, EXCUSE ME, OUCH, why would you DO THAT to us?
Everyone talking about having their families on set and their kids!
Beth’s son growing up on the original Leverage set and now going into being a director himself!
Gina’s daughter also growing up on set!
Noah Wyle’s daughter is playing Harry’s daughter I REPEAT NOAH WYLE’S ACTUAL DAUGHTER IS PLAYING AS HARRY’S DAUGHTER
Gina Bellman remaining relatively stoic throughout much of the panel (seriously, this woman, how the heck does she do it) and then losing it when they’re asked about running/inside jokes
A lot of them are, of course, apparently not appropriate to be spoken on-panel
(A lot of the others are the little inside ones that are special enough not to be ones they want to share, which is sweet!)
Everyone collectively losing it over having LeVar Burton on for The Bucket Job
Devlin and everyone laughing about collecting the various Star Trek people on Leverage
Beth talking about Burton coming over while she’s getting ready and asking her if she’s living on coffee and water, her laughing because he was absolutely right, and then him gently reminding her to remember to eat, which is the sweetest thing in the world oh my gods
Kane apparently choreographing an intense scene with Burton and being scared out of his mind, because Burton really wanted to go for it, but to Kane it was like he’s a figurine that’s not to be messed with because he was so worried about hurting him
Kane choreographing a massive amount of the show, which I knew already, but seriously, this guy blows me away
Gina and the crew talking about how he’d be away for a day of shooting a fight and all of them would be missing him and thinking about him
Family Vibes
Everyone talking about how they’re very noisy and loud together on set and it’s a bit like walking into a group of people having Christmas dinner (or something to that effect) because they’re just Like That together
Aleyse being the most surprised by Beth when she met her because she was like a little angel of light during the auditions but turned out to be an absolute ball of wild energy on set
Gina going “wait you were a MODEL” at Beth
Aldis talking about how much he loved how Parker and Hardison’s relationship had developed and grown!
Also, Aldis apologizing when the New York (iirc) background noise got loud and everyone going “no no we get you”
His outfit is ON POINT today
Gina saying that Christian is the goofiest and wildest out of them in terms of humor
(she goes “some of you may not know this,” which, fair, but also, if you’ve seen more than ten minutes of this guy outside of character you know he’s an absolute ball of sunshine)
Gina, Beth, and Christian talking about how they’d challenge each other to stay off sweets back on the original set, because they knew they needed to stay in shape and also just because they’re competitive (apparently all of them are major sweet tooths) and hide brownies and things from each other, while Aldis is just. doing pushups. eating all the healthy stuff. and then wanders into the room with a literal cupful of chocolates
(and Aldis going “well yeah I have to work off the sweets SOMEHOW”)
Beth explaining that sometimes they’d order a “Kane burrito” from Christian and he’d alter it slightly
Like, you know, chopping up hot jalapenos super fine and mixing them in, and Beth practically not being able to talk after the first bite
Apparently Aldis still went back a lot even after that
(Christian just seems very pleased with himself over it)
(THESE PEOPLE)
Gina goes “hey we should have an episode where we all swap roles,” Devlin going “WAIT FOR SEASON ONE TO BE DONE,” and then somebody (maybe the moderator?? I don’t remember exactly) going “uh actually. We did that”
Cue immediate scramble of “WAIT WHICH JOB WAS THAT”
(paraphrasing) “Yeah you remember the bit where you put on Parker’s harness and went off a building?”
Turns out half the cast had actually forgotten that that existed and only remember when reminded
The original cast all think of the episodes as “jobs”!!!!
Everyone talking over each other, Devlin going “it was with Sterling when we blew up the offices,” deciding that it was the season one finale, and then trying to figure out what episode title it was (eventually they figure out it’s the David jobs)
Moderator and Devlin accurately commenting that the fans know the show much better than they do
Noah Wyle very correctly explaining how Electric Entertainment is like a family and Devlin just. Keeps people
Aleyse and Aldis talking about typing when they’re hacking and going “WHAT THE HECK DO WE TYPE”
Aldis goes “yeah I just type all the bad words that we’re not allowed to say”
Aleyse saying that she’s always a little worried they’re hiding a Word document behind the blue screen and they’re going to pull up what she’s typing at the end of the day and print it out and put it in her trailer going “what the HECK is this”
Noah talking about filming The Golf Job and just getting to direct Jason Marsters and Christian together
Apparently their dynamic in that episode accurately mirrors the one with their characters in Angel!
Which promptly goes straight to the comment that it was very hard to make Marsters look like a golfer (pfft)
(Also apparently Christian plays golf for fun with his friends? Not necessarily something I would’ve thought of!)
Aleyse happily talking about how she loved the dynamic on set and it was very different from what she was used to
Also Aleyse talking about doing stunts and everyone else praising her for going whole hog
Beth especially praising her for the bit where she’s hit with the paralysis injection (I don’t remember which ep it’s from) and her acting for it, because it was incredibly hard to drop off screen in the particular way she did
Aleyse promptly answers that she was terrified with some of those, especially one where she had to keep a clock from falling and breaking
Everyone discussing how they see a new aspect of Breanna’s character in The Train Job
Also, to get serious for a moment, Kate Rorick in particular talks about how Breanna’s part of Gen Z and how we didn’t get the “days of yore” where everything was chill. We’ve basically been living in a world of hostility the whole time. It’s something I deeply appreciate, as someone who’s part of that group, and I love how they emphasize that for us.
This panel was pure chaos and I loved every moment of it! My stomach was actually hurting from laughing so hard, I swear. They had me cackling well over half the time. I would happily take panels double or triple the length of this, this was amazing. I also adore how the second you drop these six people in a room together, they immediately take off and literally just run and give you everything you wanted and more. (It is also evidently very hard to get them to STOP talking.)
I’m also just going to stop and take a second to fawn over the effects for the 3D room. It’s gorgeous—I love how they replicated the headquarters, especially with the stained glass ceilings! Super impressive, especially with all the photos, and I just love the whole thing. Kudos to whoever put that together.
Anyway, I’m definitely missing some stuff too; seriously, there wasn’t a second wasted in this thing, they were cracking some kind of joke or dropping some really interesting piece of information practically every thirty seconds. (And I haven’t even gotten into the clips OR the bloopers. I miiiight do a separate reaction purely for those.) It’s still up right now if you missed it and you want to watch it! I’ll probably watch it again, honestly.
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