#like I really enjoy the base game don't get me wrong
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browsing through Pokemon fan discussions is so strange because people will insist that every time that "[update] will fix/improve the game" and then it doesn't happen and then people buy it and are disappointed and then they go "well [update] will fix/improve the game" and it's like buddy you're Charlie Brown and GameFreak is Lucy with the football
#pokemon#pkmn#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon sv#outdesign posts things#like I really enjoy the base game don't get me wrong#but stop pretending like GameFreak is ever going to fix stuff like performance issues. you knew what you were getting going into it#not sure if I'll bother with the DLCs they seem kind of underwhelming. maybe if I get some eshop money for the holidays
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Okay so nobody will care about this but me, but I'm gonna ramble about what I would do if I was in charge of coordinating another Resident Evil chapter for Dead by Daylight, if I could do whatever I wanted with it
New Map: Spencer Mansion
Iconic, and not visually like anything else already in DBD. I love RPD as a map and location in general, but I was one of those people who really wanted Spencer Mansion to be the map when RE got added to DBD, so yeah. It'd obviously be a two-floor map, and I'm sure people would unfairly whine about it being confusing just like they did RPD, but to be fair, Spencer Mansion doesn't exist in HD for them to just straight up reuse like RPD was, so surely it'd be scaled a little more appropriately for a game like Dead by Daylight... maybe
New Killer: Alexia Ashford
Power: uhhh idk honestly lmao, but something involving insects since that's one of the defining aspects of her and her boss fight. Maybe involve fire somehow too since she also used that. I'll be honest, I don't have a solid gameplay idea here, but Alexia would be my top Killer pick since another female killer is cool to add, her design is cool, and nobody else uses bugs in the Killer roster.
New Survivors: Billy Coen and Steve Burnside
Yes, I know, nobody gives a shit about Steve but me lol. But a) this is my fantasy post and b) it'd be weird to have a Code: Veronica Killer but no accompanying Survivor from that game and Claire was already added as a legendary skin (which I'm kinda mad about still because it means I'll never have OG RE2 or Code: Veronica cosmetics for her, grrr). Honestly, I'd give him at least one meme-y type of perk for people to be goofy with because good lord does Steve do some dumb shit in CV (/affectionate), and some kind of perk related to the spoiler thing that happens to him later in the game (if you know, you know).
Billy is there also because he's one of my faves, he rounds out the other previous RE Survivors in DBD having their partner characters (Rebecca doesn't have anyone unless you count Chris, I... guess?), and he's pretty much the only other major "old-style" RE protagonist left not in the game already, and I like to focus on those games more than the later stuff. He could also have some perks related to things memorable from RE0, like the goofy item dropping mechanic; maybe a perk that relates to that or chests somehow. And a teamwork perk (like the Thalita/Renato ones) to tie into the way you played as Billy and Rebecca together.
New Survivor Legendary Skins: Ashley Graham and Luis Serra Navarro
Ashley would be a legendary skin for Rebecca, and Luis for Leon. They would obviously be their superior RE4 remake versions. Honestly, I could easily make a case for a whole RE4-centric chapter too (and that would be way more marketable lol), but if not that, then I'd love to see these two as legendaries.
New Killer Legendary Skins: Alfred Ashford and Mr. X
Alfred would be a legendary skin for Alexia, and Mr. X for Nemesis.
The fact that Mr. X isn't in DBD as a skin yet is nuts to me. Yeah yeah, he doesn't use the tentacle like Nemesis, but nobody really cares so long as they are playing as Mr. X. Meanwhile, Alfred doesn't really fit power-wise for an Alexia skin either, but I just think he's neat :)
New Cosmetics:
RE4 Remake sweater dress for Ada
RE4 Remake pinstripe suit for Leon
RE4 Remake "romantic" outfit for Ashley
RE0 leather outfit for Rebecca
RE0 suit (the yakuza-looking one) for Billy
RE4 (original) look for Luis (for the weirdos who like his old design better lmao)
This would be a larger level change, but I'd also let players toggle Legendary skins to show up on the character select screen. Like, you could set Carlos to show up instead of Leon's portrait if you have him. And as an even bigger change, I'd change how Legendary skins work to let them have their own skins too, so then I could get a Code: Veronica outfit Claire and a Christmas sweater for Carlos :3
#h.text#this is one big ol wall of text but i just enjoy having fun making up concepts#regardless of if anyone has any idea what i'm even talking about haha#i know realistically a 3rd chapter would probably be based around 7 or 8#and i like those! don't get me wrong!#but i don't really care about them nearly as much as most of the other main games in the series sooooo yeah#h.REvomit
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HOW YOU GET THE GIRL — P.JS
SYNOPSIS: Beach parties are supposedly fun and exciting, aren’t they? Wrong. Experiencing college parties is rare for you, but you decided to give this one a go after your best friend’s constant pleas. Things were alright until everything turned sour when trouble found you and eventually you were roped into a fight alongside the campus’ famous hockey playboy. As if that wasn’t enough, the devil himself conjured up an idea that you found yourself being entangled in. It was all fun and games up until confusion arose, feelings being confessed and played, in the end, Jay had to learn how to get the girl, his girl.
PAIRINGS: ice hockey player!jay x afab!reader
GENRE: strangers to frenemies to lovers, fake dating au, college sports au, romance, fluff, angst, secret pining
WARNING(S): drinking, parties, profanities, slight violence, possessive jay, mentions/hints of cheating, miscommunication, slow burn-ish, a pinch of suggestiveness
WC: 21k
AUTHOR NOTES: yes, the title is based on taylor swift's song, the story is lowkey inspired from it hehe! i also included a scene which was inspired from "sleet kitten" so credits to that ;) PLEASE LEAVE A FEEDBACK! it would mean THE WORLD to me <3 hope you enjoy!
part 2 of 'no competition' series | series masterlist | masterlist
© jaylver 2023
“WHY AM I HERE?”
You found yourself asking your best friend, Minji, only after barely ten minutes of setting foot into the party. Look, you didn’t wish to complain, but a beach party basically equaled sand in shoes, which you absolutely hate and despise, yet you were stuck here against your will.
It all started on a random stroll across campus where Minji brought up the night beach party hosted by some rich frat boy, typical. Being the anti-party person you were, you brushed the idea away initially. Hey, staying in bed with a cup of tea was miles better than having sand in your shoes and frat boys trying to get into your pants, yuck. But eventually, you gave into the idea of relaxing and letting go for once after a horrid chemistry test. How you absolutely regretted that choice now.
“You’re here to enjoy yourself,” Minji hissed through her teeth, holding onto your hand as the two of you walked past strangers. “What’s wrong with getting free booze and some hot hunky beach boys?”
“Everything is wrong with that. Their booze sucks and the beach boys hide at night,” you huffed, hugging your body tight as the wind blew across your face, the smell of sea lingered in the air.
“There are still some cute guys here,” Minji kicked at the sand lightly, staring around where people were littered in groups here and there, a small bonfire alighted in the middle of the beach. “The hockey guys are here,” she nodded at the loudest bunch in the area.
You knew a part of them since you did occasionally stop by to watch a few major hockey games, but definitely not well enough to pair their names to their faces. You spotted the captain first and the one with freshly dyed white hair, who you recognized was also his usual partner on ice, then there was the player with a really odd number, 99. Was it Jason, James or Jeremy? All you could remember was him being number 99 and having a J name, not to mention, an interesting reputation to his name.
"They're cute, don't you think so?" Minji nudged you and you shrugged.
"Cute but fuckboys, and I need them to step up during major games too,"
"You should ignore the hockey part about them. It'll hurt less when they lose," Minji's head turned and she pointed to another group. "The footballers are there too. Trust me, they're bigger fuckboys,"
"Oh, I can tell," you spotted many of them already having a girl by their sides, whispering and giggling while they poured each other more drinks. "This is why I'd rather go back to the dorms,"
"Maybe, maybe not. Something entertaining will eventually happen at these types of parties,"
"I feel like you'll jinx it,"
Minji threw her hands up in defence, raising her eyebrows and shrugging. "Don't blame me, blame the system,"
"There's no system," you shot back, suddenly feeling the need to walk away for a moment as the beach slowly overwhelmed you. (you hated the beach, can't you already tell?) "I need to stop by the restroom for a while, look after my drink, will you?"
You were practically racing to the nearby restroom, finally escaping the area and being able to breathe freely without drunk college students bumping into you. The restroom was basically just a single cubicle, so you were squeezed tightly and you felt uncomfortable as each second passed. You were praying to God that you get to leave this place pronto.
Leaving the cubicle made you feel slightly more grateful about the beach, but upon only a second from exiting, you started hearing shouts coming not far from where you were. At first, you wondered if you’ve reached the point of hallucination, but following a few more grunts and yells, you knew you weren’t. Your body tensed immediately considering it's a distance from the main area. What could even be happening here?
You knew this was how horror movies usually start, but your curious mind just had to wander off further into the abyss and bring your leg along, so you chose the stupidest decision and followed the distant commotion.
'I'm not dying tonight. I'm not dying at a beach. I'm going to be fine' were the affirmations you repeated in your head, though you felt quite the opposite of that.
"Fuck you, are you banging my girl?"
That was when you stopped in your tracks completely, thrown absolutely off guard, eyes widened and lips forming into an 'O'. It wasn't a murder case, but from the way the conversation sounded, it was about to be one.
"I didn't bang your girl, who the fuck are you?" Another voice spat back and you inched closer, hiding behind the other cubicle and you peeked your head out, shocked at the sight before you.
There was already a small crowd surrounding the commotion, who wouldn't want to miss a free show anyway? But the bigger matter on hand was the centre of attention, the two guys were the campus' well known hockey player and footballer.
You recognized the footballer at once, remembering the time where Minji practically shoved his Instagram profile into your face. Yoon Keeho. Star player paired along with his amazing features, he was a popular figure who had a popular girlfriend from the dance team, Karina. They were basically every comics' perfect couple.
Then there was the hockey player, your jaw could only hang lower in plain shock. Mr 99, hockey star and infamous playboy, you knew he was trouble, but this kind of trouble? A little unexpected from him.
"Look man, I know people say I fuck around a lot, but I never fucked her!" It was obvious Mr 99 was starting to get heated, but the footballer was relentless in egging him on.
"Oh fuck off man, I know you did it!"
This back and forth had you rolling your eyes, eventually getting bored from the “no I didn't”s and “yes you did”s thrown back and forth, so you slowly crept back, trying your best to avoid tripping over rocks and shells.
'Crack'
You spoke too soon. Way too soon.
"Hey!"
You took a few cautious steps ahead. Maybe if you just pretend nothing happened and continue walking, it would be fine. Maybe if you walked away, he wouldn't notice—
"Hey!"
You squeezed your eyes shut, contemplating between immediate death or a quick dash away, but neither could be decided when the voice kept on calling after you, ruining your patience completely and you whipped around, looking like a deer caught in headlights.
"Yes?"
Mr 99 stared back at you, a sinister look in his eyes. From the looks of it, he had something evil brewing in that head of his and soon, you were about to be the victim of his dodgy plan.
What came out of his lips next definitely made you wish you were home instead and simultaneously, wishing you had the freedom to strangle him. This fucker—
"That's my girlfriend there, she can vouch for me," you heard him telling Keeho, a smug smile on his face. Girl … friend? Gasps were heard and all eyes were on you in an instance. "Come here, babe, I've been looking for you!"
You blinked, your body absolutely rigid and unmoving as if paralysed. This couldn't be happening, right? Please wake me up from this dream. I'm just hallucinating—
"Babe, come on," your brief dissociation had you completely unaware that Mr 99 was now in front of you, dragging you by your wrist towards the scene of commotion.
"What are you doing?" You whispered harshly into his ear, making sure it wasn't loud enough for the other couple to realise from a distance away.
"Play along, please, I'll pay you," he pleaded, desperation clear in his voice. Who were you to say no to free cash? Nevertheless, you still hated being the centre of attention, and Mr 99 here was only making matters worse.
"I don't even know you,"
"I'm Jay from literature, so technically now you do. Just help me for a few minutes," he grunted through his gritted teeth, flashing his best version of puppy eyes that failed to execute its purpose.
“Do you even know my name?” you hissed lowly, glaring pointedly at him. He could only sigh in exasperation. He had the audacity to seem annoyed while you were literally the one who’s getting dragged to her demise.
“You’re Y/N from English literature. We have the same classes and I’m not a douche for not knowing my classmates, okay?” you were slightly pleased, but not enough to be someone’s fake girlfriend for show. Against your free will, you and Jay were finally standing face to face with the couple.
"So you're his girlfriend?" Keeho had an eyebrow raised, a sense of accusation and suspicion in his gaze. He was so not buying this.
You glanced at Jay, face twisted in uneasiness, not loving the idea of this, but instead, he shot you an encouraging look which was screaming 'go on, tell him'. "Y–yeah. Girlfriend,"
Keeho was unconvinced and you couldn't blame him, you were doing a shit job at pretending to be someone you weren't. "Where was your boyfriend yesterday at night? Was he out?"
"He—" the words got stuck in your throat and Jay raised his eyebrows at you, mouthing some random words you totally couldn't decipher. "He went out on a date with me,"
"To?"
"Baskin Robbins …?"
Keeho remained unamused, his girlfriend holding onto him snickering silently under her breath, and you, on the other hand, got naturally defensive.
"What's wrong with ice cream? At least my man cared enough to bring me out for ice cream dates instead of letting me cheat on him freely. Just saying,"
"What?"
Now it was Keeho and Jay's turn to stare at you with their jaws hung low. Karina's face gradually grew scarlet, her lips twisted into a snarl. "What do you even know about my relationship? Keep out of my business, you bitch,"
"Hey, who the fuck are you to call her a bitch?" Jay stepped in front of you, an arm shielding you and Karina cowered away. Damn, he was good at this.
"Don't talk to her like that, you fuck," Keeho spat at Jay, daringly pushing Jay on the chest and he stumbled slightly into your arms.
Jay scoffed, brushing his front and adjusted his shirt, shaking his head a little. "You're such a dick, Yoon Keeho. You're the prime example why I hate footballers,"
"And you hockey players are the reason why you're dragging the school's name to the ground,"
"Save the talk, we literally won the playoffs while you and your team could barely crawl to the top—"
You gasped, and so did everyone else watching. Keeho had thrown a hard punch across Jay's pretty face, which meant Jay's aggravation unfortunately worked a little too well on the footballer.
To your surprise, Jay took the hit better than you'd expected. He did seem taken aback at the start, but then he started laughing instead. Was he secretly psychotic?
You would be lying if you said you weren't shell shocked initially, but after a moment of recovery, you peeked over his shoulder, staring at his face for any obvious bleeding or bruising, unaware of how close your face was to his.
"You okay, big man?"
"Took it like a champ," he muttered back, a smirk pulled at his lips, seeming as though nothing had even happened. "Permission for me to punch him back, girlfriend?"
"He's all yours. Go beat his ass, boyfriend,"
Jay shrugged nonchalantly, rubbing the side of his face roughly and in a flash, he threw a punch back at Keeho and panicked whispers broke out in the crowd.
"Look man, this is a misunderstanding, I totally didn't fuck your girlfriend," Jay panted, his eyes narrowing at Karina.
"Don't look at me like that," she snapped back, but her voice wavered, giving away the fact that she was obviously hiding something and was intimidated by the way Jay could see right through her.
"Oh come on, fess up, I'm pretty sure I saw you with Yeonjun,"
Karina stilled, her eyes beginning to twitch. Bingo. You didn’t sit through a boring psychology talk once for nothing.
"You don't know shit about me,"
"Okay, say that to Yeonjun the next time he finds you,"
Maybe you did regret having too big of a mouth. You just had to blabber on and agitate the mean girl and now you were reenacting a scene from one of your favourite high school rom coms.
Before you could even register what's happening, you felt a sharp tug at your hair and pain washed over your whole head. Getting bald wasn't the thing you wished for upon reaching here. You screamed on instinct, reaching over to grab Karina's hair in defence, invoking a loud cry from her.
Jay and Keeho were left stunned at the turn of events. Hell, you were stunned at the attack yourself. Who would've thought you would be sacrificing strands of hair to Miss Dancer? They eventually came to their senses (thank heavens) and tried to pull you and Karina off of each other. It was strenuous work just trying to break you two apart, your hand was unwilling to let go and neither were hers.
She might’ve been a dancer, but you’ve experienced more fights than this. Jay managed to rip you off of Karina and you were left dishevelled, heaving heavily, Jay's hands wrapped around your chest from the back.
"Calm down. Breathe. You're so close to ripping all her hair out," he whispered into your ear, his breath fanning your ears. If you weren't so out of breath and adrenaline spiked, you would be weak in the knees by now.
"Good. She was the one who laid her hands on me first," you spat, glaring straight at her and she did the same, hair and attire equally as messy as yours.
"Look man," Jay called out to Keeho, grabbing his attention away from his murderous girlfriend. "I might fuck around a lot, but I swear I didn't touch your girl. I never stoop that low and you know it. Go ask her for the truth yourself, I'm leaving now,"
Jay got ahold of your hand and pulled you away from the wandering eyes and lingering attention. You almost got a whiplash, unable to even yourself completely together and digest what even went on before he dragged you towards the main area.
"Woah, woah, wait," you yanked your arm away, stopping abruptly which made Jay turn around, a questioning look on his face. Why is he looking at me like that? You thought as you crossed your arms.
"Look, you might've saved my ass from Miss Crazy over there, but the part where you dragged me in your stupid drama, so not cool,"
"I know, I'm sorry, okay? You were just coincidentally … there,"
"Wow," you exclaimed in disbelief, face scrunched in slight distaste. "Girlfriend, huh … I hate to burst your bubble but there were people there and if—" you poked at his chest and he stared at you, a slight smirk on his lips, "—people actually believe we're dating, I'll beat you up,"
"What's so wrong about me?" He whistled, leaning down to meet your challenging gaze, a sarcastic grin wide on that devilish face of his. Maybe if he wasn't this annoying, you would've found him pants-dropping hot.
"I hate you," you continued your journey back, brushing past him and he could only let out a laugh at your words.
"Oh, come on," he caught your wrist and pulled you to him, making you land on his chest with a soft thud. If only someone could take a picture of this, it would be something straight out of a 2000s classic romcom.
"You're ridiculous, let go," you tried to get your hand out of his, but he persisted in holding onto you.
Pushing and pulling was something you hated. Whether it was in relationships or just whatever this was, you wished it was gone, because in the next second of tug of war, one of you decided to lose balance and fall to ground.
To your biggest nightmare and headache, you ended up lying on top of Mr 99, Jay, the devil in disguise. The beach was already a nightmare for you, but a fucking man under you? You wished you could disappear now.
"Do you always like this position?"
"If only I could choke you to death in it, then sure,"
"Kinky. You're really romantic,"
"I know," you gritted out, finally mustering all your energy to push yourself up and away from Jay, almost losing your balance in the process. You definitely wouldn't want to fall on him again.
You dusted sand off of your shorts, peeking slightly at Jay, who remained on the ground, his hands behind his head to support him as his stare remained on you, a small smile on his face. You truly wondered what was running through that head of his. Knowing him, it was probably nothing good.
“Do you think we’ll meet again after this?”
You scoffed, a frown etched on your features. “You’re acting like I’m cinderella. I’m on the campus,”
“I mean, we both might be on campus, but that doesn’t mean we’ll cross path,”
“It sounds like you’re trying to propose something—” Jay opened his mouth to respond, but you continued off, not letting him interrupt, “—whatever it is, it’s a ‘no’ from me, okay?”
“Alright, rude,” Jay pushed his body up from the sands, sitting cross legged paired with an offended look. “I’m not trying to propose anything. What’s that dirty mind of yours thinking? I was simply wondering,”
You squinted at him, doubt in your gaze and your face scrunched, humming softly. “Let’s leave our next meeting to fate again. I’m afraid if I keep seeing you I might—”
“Fall in love?”
“Explode. Close enough,” you grimaced, shaking the sand off your shoes. "Look, I'm leaving now. Good luck on not getting beat up again," you turned to leave, but halting once Jay spoke again.
"Will I be seeing you at my matches?"
You pondered for a second, then shrugged. "Depends. I'm not a big hockey fan, but who knows?"
You heard a small chuckle from Jay, rolling your eyes a little. "Fine by me. Let's see how fate sets us up then, Y/N."
You wished fate didn't set you and him up. You wished fate would never ever do so. You didn’t wait for another minute and quickly dashed away, finding your way back to the main area that (thankfully) wasn’t far from where you were. It seemed that the fight didn’t reach the main area where everyone was from the way they were all dancing and drinking like normal.
“Where were you?” Minji pulled you close to her once you had managed to locate her amongst the bunch, concern laced in her voice. “And what the fuck happened to you? Why’s your hair messed up? Wait—” the worry in her gaze soon turned into suspicion. “You didn’t have a secret hookup right?”
“What? No!” you shrieked, glancing around in slight embarrassment at your voice rising unintentionally. Just thinking about what had happened just now gave you a first degree burn of embarrassment, it was going to be your first and last experience, never again. “I … got into a fight,”
“You what?”
“Listen,” you placed a hand on Minji’s shoulder, trying to calm her down while inching closer and making sure to keep your voice down. “I stumbled upon a messy couple related drama and somehow I got roped into it. It’s all Jong Seong’s fault, okay?”
“Jay? What did he do?”
“Accused of fucking Keeho’s girl. It would be funny to witness the whole thing without being apart of it, honestly,”
“I need more context,”
“He called me his girlfriend so that I could vouch for him and I said something bad to Keeho’s girlfriend so we … kinda got into a tussle,”
Minji was stunned to say the least, but there was still a hint of amusement from the way she smiled. “I won’t directly say she deserves it, but she does,” she let out a small laugh and you two shared a look before bursting out laughing, having to hold your chest from the random jokes she threw in between.
“So, time for us to leave?”
“Fucking finally, I was waiting for you to say this,”
“No girls trips to the beach in the future, huh?”
“Nope.” you mumbled, letting Minji wrap an arm around your waist as the both of you start making your way to Minji’s car. You strangely felt a pair of wandering eyes pinpointed on you and you turned your head slightly to the right, meeting Jay’s playful gaze among his group of hockey guys. It was barely a second before you were dragged away anyway, leaving you minimal chances to process anything.
Park Jong Seong, please don’t ever drag me into your schemes ever again. Fuck it, let’s never cross paths again.
IT SEEMS THAT FATE HAS PLAYED ITS ROLE ONCE MORE IN TORTURING YOU.
In what way was ‘never getting involved with Park Jong Seong’ so hard to understand, huh, fate? You found yourself having an angry internal monologue on the way back to your dorms, your coffee threatening to spill out of the cup with the aggressiveness in your walk. It all started out like this: you just got your donut for the morning, walking to lecture with your earphones blasting your favourite music, what could possibly go wrong? Everything.
You were just walking as per usual, until a girl tapped you from the back, and like every normal person does, you stopped and turned around, a confused look on your face. Who’s this? You wondered. That’s the last thought you could form before everything started crumbling eventually.
First, she asked whether you were dating Jay. Eye roll. You knew this was bound to happen. So, you said ‘no’, which was a reasonable answer since you were, in fact, not dating him. But the girl thought otherwise. You turned to leave, halfway to shoving back your earphones in when she grabbed hold of your wrist. Woah.
“I know you’re dating him, everyone do after he made y’all official during that party,”
“Okay…?” it was no use trying to fight back with her persistence, so you just went along with it, not knowing what you were even getting into.
“You do know he fucked me before right—?” TMI much. “Can you tell him to come over and get his stuff? It feels wrong having a man’s stuff around knowing he’s in a relationship,”
“Oh,” was all you could muster out. This whirlwind of information being smacked into your face at 10 in the morning was something you hadn’t expected. “You can tell him that yourself. I’m … busy. I have to go,”
Like any sane person would, you dashed away, possibly leaving the girl in a confused daze but you couldn’t care less, pulling out your phone to angrily type Jay’s Instagram handle and sending him an annoyed text message.
you: a girl just told me she fucked you and she felt it was wrong that you left your stuff while you’re ‘dating’ me. can you please sort this out? istg i’ve been asked too many times whether i’m dating you today fr
Not even after a minute of sending that, Jay replied back at once.
jaypjs: how did you know what my Insta profile is?
You rolled your eyes, your fingers working hard but careful to not accidentally break your screen with the vigour you had whilst typing.
you: is that so important right now? can you at least answer my question?
jaypjs: just ignore it, it’ll pass soon, i swear. ttyl i have practice ;)
Jerk.
As much as Jay had asked you to ignore it, it seemed to have backfired instead. At the library, cafeteria, girl’s restroom, you were bombarded with the same question over and over again. ‘Are you dating Jay?’ You swore if you had a dollar everytime someone had asked you this question, you would’ve been a billionaire by now.
Evening soon fell upon the campus grounds, students were rushing around to find a place for dinner, but the hockey team were still remained in training, and being you, you just had to impulsively barge into the arena, practically rushing down the stairs to the glass panes, spotting your target at first glance.
You would be lying if you said you didn’t find him mesmerizingly attractive in that split moment. He reminded you of someone that had just appeared straight out of a scene from ‘Top Gun’, except on ice. He had his helmet in his hand, his hair wet with sweat, his eyes trained on his coach as he lectured the team on that and this.
You thought your staring had gone unnoticed, but that’s when one of his teammates pointed at you, his gaze turning to you now, a hint of curiosity and surprise in his face. If only he knew you were actually there to murder him.
“Y/N?” You heard his muffled voice through the glass as he skated towards you right after his coach had dismissed them, inching closer and closer until there was barely any distance, only a singular glass pane separating you two apart.
“Jay,” you started, pushing down whatever volcano that was close to bursting inside you right now.
“Did my girlfriend miss me so much until she decided to give me a surprise visit?”
“If I hear that word one more time today, I think I might jump down the nearest building,” you snapped, poking a finger on the glass threateningly. “Look, I’m here because we need to talk—why does this sound like an actual couple conversation—whatever, just get your ass out here immediately,”
“Fine, fine,” Jay threw his hands up in defeat, sensing the seriousness in your voice, you did not come to play. “I’ll be out in a second,”
He disappeared out of sight, and to your dismay, that left his teammates a great opportunity to approach you. Just your luck, huh?
“You’re dating Jay?” the captain, Heeseung, shouted over at you, waving his hockey stick in the air in an attempt to grab your attention.
“It’s complicated,”
“Friends with benefits?” the one with a head of freshly dyed white hair, Sunghoon, chimed in. You recognized the both of them from the party, what are the odds?
“Non-physical type of complicated,”
“That does sound complicated,” Heeseung hummed, practising passes with Sunghoon. “Played with your feelings?”
“I don’t know if I can count it as that…yet,”
Heeseung and Sunghoon shared a brief glance at one another. “Jay might be a playboy, we all know that, but he’s a softie at heart. Hear him out, he might not look like it, but he’s the best at talking,”
“That’s why he’s so good at picking up girls—” Heeseung slapped Sunghoon’s head, giving you a small reassuring smile while the other winced in pain, not appreciating that one bit.
“I’ll hear him out, don’t worry,” you said rather begrudgingly, sitting down on one of the empty seats now, rubbing your hands for warmth as you awkwardly waited for Jay.
“Stop pestering her already, damn,” Jay’s footsteps were heard thumping down the stairs in the empty arena. “Go wash up,” he slid into the seat next to you, now in clean clothes, a towel hung around his neck, his hair wet and messy, his shirt hugging his body and biceps tight. Lord, give me strength.
“Hey! I’m the captain!” Heeseung shouted, but abided, pushing Sunghoon along and out of the rink, leaving you two to yourselves in the ambiance.
“So, what did you want to … talk about?” Jay stared at you expectantly.
“Us? I suppose, if there’s even an ‘us’ in the first place,” you gestured between you and him. “It’s just everyone’s thinking we’re together and all your past fuck buddies are up my ass for it. So—” you tried to put on the nicest smile you could muster. “—could you please, somehow spread it around that we’re not together?”
“But what if I don’t want to?”
“Jong Seong!”
“Government name and all, it’s serious,” he murmured under his breath, suddenly seeming anxious. “You’re going to kill me for this—”
“As if I’m not going to already,”
“Let me finish,” he pressed a hand on his forehead, running it further back into his hair and he let out a distress sigh. “I know you’re going to hate this but I need your favour in this. I have this hockey event next Saturday, a charity event, and I need a plus one,”
“You’re asking me out on a date basically?”
“Kinda? But not really—this is so stupid—but this event will be after a home match, so our opponents and many others from different schools will be a part of this event. The thing is…our opponent, one of their players, is dating my ex,”
“And?” you raised an eyebrow at him, urging him to continue on, his cheeks gradually turning red in embarrassment.
“They’ll be there together, and I was hoping—since we’re already in this mess—to bring you as my plus one, to try and prove to her I’m way better off without her,”
“You’re kidding,” you breathed out in disbelief. “Give me one reason why you need to prove to this girl about you being happy and taken,”
“She cheated on me multiple times while we were dating…the guy was one of them and they’re still together surprisingly,”
“Damn, I’m sorry about that,” you swallowed, a little taken aback from the fact that the infamous fuckboy had his heart broken in the past. Maybe that was the starting point of his fuckboy journey. Gosh, everything felt so cliche, you thought you were in a web series by now. “So…you want me to fake date you?”
“Why are you saying it as if the idea of dating me is an offence?”
“Jay, this isn’t some 2000s romcom, for fuck’s sake,” you snapped, your frown deepened and your blood pressure heightened. You swear you might actually explode soon.
“I’m aware,” Jay sighed, a small whine in his voice. He did seem desperate, and you wondered why out of a hundred girls that were practically lining up for this man, you just had to be the one that had to be a part of this mess with him. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Worst of all, you were about to agree to something as dumb as this. “Help me out this once?”
“And what will I get from this?” you crossed your arms, hesitatingly giving in slowly and gradually.
“You like Juyeon don’t you?” Jay questioned all of a sudden, his features remained stoic and serious as he watched you experiencing another whiplash, cheeks turning into a shade of light pink at his bombarding question.
“W–where did you get that information from?” you demanded, completely thrown off. Look, you did say you liked him a little from his sweet smile to his nice style, and not to mention, his athletic side, but it was to Minji, not Jay. How in hell could he have this information?
“I’m not wrong am I?”
“Am I being blackmailed?” you gasped and Jay rolled his eyes, leaning further back into his seat. He wasn’t making this easier by looking good. “I don’t like like him in that type of way, I just think he’s kinda cute,”
“So, you’re interested,”
“You could put it that way, I guess?”
“How about I help you make him jealous,”
You choked out a laugh, Jay surely succeeded in always surprisingly you with the way his mind turned. “Dude, I literally only know him from that one Chemistry class, and we were partners once. We barely talk now except some greetings,”
“That’s better than nothing,” he mumbled, his lips pressed in a flat line. “Hey, I know him more, okay? He goes to parties and so do I, I can help you get closer to him,” Jay raised his eyebrows, as if trying to convince you that was the smartest plan ever.
“You’re an idiot,”
“I don’t hear a ‘no’,”
“Don’t push your luck,” you poked his forehead gently, letting out a deep sigh as you contemplated for a second. Future you was going to kill the present you. “Fine. But honestly, I don’t care about Juyeon,”
“I’ll try my best to repay you either way,” Jay beamed, his whole demeanour changing entirely compared to the nervous and shaking version from earlier. “So, what ground rules should we set to make it at least quite convincing?”
“No kissing, unless we are pressured into one,”
“You’re not completely objecting the idea of kissing me,”
“Believe me, I’d rather have virgin lips than kiss you,”
“Ouch,” Jay held onto his chest, feigning hurt. “Wanna try practising?”
“You have other girls to practise on anyway, no thank you,”
“But you’re my only girl now,” he shrugged, staring down at his fingers and avoiding your stare. Was he shy? You would be lying if you said he didn’t make your heart flutter slightly with his words, but you forced yourself to push those thoughts down, denying them instantly.
"Shush," you rolled your eyes, the man opposite you snickering instead. "Maybe a soft launch might work,"
"I literally called you my girlfriend in the middle of a fight, I don't think that's any part of a soft launch,"
"You're right, we've already skipped that part," you tapped at your chin, pondering thoughtfully before Jay interjected.
"You have to come to my matches,"
"Every one of them? I don't watch hockey much,"
"Just be there for show, most of the teammates' girlfriends are there and trust me, they don't care much either," he glanced over at the rink for a brief moment, then turned back to meet your eyes. "You'll fall in love with me the moment you watch me play,"
"Alright, hotshot. When's the next match?"
“This Friday,” he winked, resting an arm on the seat and casually leaning a little closer. “But before that, wanna come to a party? It’s pretty much a ‘pregame party’, that’s what they call it, but I’m sure it’s a lame excuse to just have a party in general for every week. I can pick you up though, we'll get to have our second hard launch,”
“You’re lucky I’m not feeling murderous anymore,” you snapped back, still in disbelief at yourself that you actually agreed to all this. “Pick me up at 7,” you mumbled begrudgingly, watching a smile stretched on Jay’s face.
“Say less.”
“YOU’RE DATING WHO—”
Spilling the tea to Minji on a random Wednesday morning was a chaotic decision. You couldn't help yourself from letting loose all of the information that was bottled up internally. She took everything in rather calmly and fairly, that was until Jay's name was mentioned.
It was just a day before the party, and you couldn't lie, you're starting to panic. What if you didn't know anyone there? What if you're under dressed? What if you're overdressed? What ifs stormed your mind, you were a natural overthinker after all.
"Fake dating," you corrected, cringing once the words left your mouth and you realised how ridiculous it sounded.
“I didn’t know you liked Wattpad cliches so much,”
"Shut up," you muttered half-heartedly, pursing your lips slightly. "Do you think I'll regret this?"
"Will you end up falling for him?" Minji shot back and you hadn't expected that.
"God forbid," you chuckled, though rather nervously. Chances were low at the moment, but it wasn't completely impossible, and that was the problem.
“This won’t be like those movies where they pretend to date and actually end up falling in love,” you laughed, trying to play off the hidden horror you had.
"This will come back and bite your ass," Minji said simply, not noticing your wide eyes and panicked gaze.
"Don't jinx it, hello!"
"My bad," Minji shrugged nonchalantly. “How did he even convince a non party goer like you to attend one?”
“He wants to ‘hard launch’ us for a second time,”
“Cute?” Minji mused, nudging you softly, wiggling her eyebrows. "Any outfits planned?"
"Nope," you regretted saying this because in the next second, you noticed a menacing grin on Minji's face. If there's one thing you know about her, it's that she loves dress ups, and you were about to be her next model.
Minji dragged you back to your dorm, pushing you onto the bed and ripping your closet doors open, rummaging through intensely.
"This won't do," you heard her mumble quietly before pulling out a mini skirt and a simple crop top. "Bingo,"
"You can't be serious,"
Turns out, she was. Both of the pieces have yet to be worn in a long time, so you didn’t know how it would fit you, leading up to the moment when you tried it on, you instantly felt your head pound. The skirt was God forbiddingly short, the crop top hugging tight against your body. The entirety might've looked plain, but it was a slutty plain.
You were already running late, panic and stress in your system giving you slight adrenaline as you finished up some last touches on your makeup. If Minji wasn't out for a dinner date, you would've been strangling her for the outfit and for the untimely lack of support.
“You took quite a while in there,” Jay said the moment you entered his luxurious sleek black Mercedes. You knew he was loaded, everyone did actually, but it still managed to shock you somehow.
“I was giving myself a pep talk to not try and run away from this party,” you flashed him a sarcastic smile.
“Haha,” Jay replied flatly, unamused. “It’ll be an easy party, don’t worry, you won’t get mauled. I’ll just introduce you around and then you go have some drinks, soon we’ll be back before you know it,”
“You’re not drinking right?”
“You think I’d like to be charged with a DUI?”
“Have you ever thought about that when you drive multiple girls home after parties?”
“It’s not nice to slut shame,”
“Whatever you say.”
The car ride to the house was quick and loud. It was calming when you and Jay were vibing to some music along the way up until the two of you started fighting over who was the best rapper in the industry, that eventually led to debating which genre is the greatest. The debate continued on even after entering the threshold, but nervousness washed over you once you were met with unfamiliar faces.
“Pop is not even considered in this deb—”
“Jay, hold my hand,”
“What—”
“Hold my hand,” you repeated firmly, and he listened despite being in a daze, intertwining his hand in yours, instinctively pulling you closer. “We have to make this convincing, remember?”
“Right,” he squeezed your hand lightly, unknowingly giving you a hint of reassurance. “Stick by me, some of the people here are not the best,”
“Thanks, I can’t wait to get out of here,”
Jay only rolled his eyes at your words, a slight grin tugged at his lips. He held onto your hand tightly, pulling you further into the crowded house, occasionally turning his head back to check on you. “There, my hockey boys,” he nodded towards a small group by a small makeshift bar, instantly recognizing them from that day at the rink.
“What if I told you now that I have social anxiety,” you whispered into his ears, trying to give him your best pleading eyes.
“It’ll be a little too late now,” he returned a knowing stare, clearly unfazed by your tricks. Smart bastard. “Come on, you’ve already met them anyway,”
“Y/N!” Heeseung was the one who spotted you first, waving his hand enthusiastically, Sunghoon following suit. You returned a small wave, but you tensed, feeling Jay removing his hand from yours, sneaking onto your waist instead. You were not strong enough for this, you were a woman with desires at the end of the day.
“Hey,” Jay greeted them, resting his hand on your hip, your hand unconsciously travelling to his back, his smirk at your touch going unnoticed.
“So, Y/N, is he still in ‘complicated’ status?” Sunghoon brought up, eliciting a small laugh from Heeseung, meanwhile Jay was equally confused and unimpressed at his teammates’ unseriousness.
“Don’t worry, he has upgraded,” you prodded him, passing a pleased smile to the other two.
“Will we be seeing you at our games?”
“Maybe,” you said vaguely, feeling Jay’s hand leaving your hips and sneaking lower towards the hem of your skirt and slowly pulling at it. You turned your head, meeting his eyes and at that moment, you felt something you denied over the last week. You were weak, you were definitely not God’s strongest soldier. It was bare minimum, but you still appreciated the little things.
“Let’s go walk around,” Jay suggested, leaning close to you, his face only inches away from yours, his hand squeezing your hip gently. Who knew he was this good at acting?
“Don’t be too protective over her, Jay boy!” Sunghoon called out as he dragged you away from his friends, earning a soft laugh from you and grudging mumbles from him.
“They tend to be quite a handful sometimes, sorry about that,” Jay said apologetically, leading you to a room full of people playing beer pong and some other drinking games.
“Don’t worry about it, they seem fine,” you brushed him off, pressing yourself closer to his side in caution as your eyes scanned the whole room. “They don’t look like they believe the fact that you’re actually ‘dating’ someone though,”
“They once said they would be married by the time I found someone,” he scoffed, pulling you into an unoccupied coach. “Which isn’t true,” he continued, placing a pillow on your exposed thighs. “I just haven’t found the one, or just not yet. Maybe I already did and I just didn’t know, ”
“Take it easy, loverboy,” you softly punched his shoulder, making him grin a little. He was cute, you couldn’t lie about that, but your heart continued to. “You’re still young, you should be worrying about it only if you’re 35 and single,”
“You’re right,” he nodded solemnly, his attention averted away. "It's Juyeon,"
At that moment, Juyeon walked into the room, greeting some of his friends and welcoming hugs from them, the atmosphere in the room became noisier. Your gaze followed his figure, blinking quicker than usual as you suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of alarm.
"Don't drool," Jay clicked his tongue, his eyes turning fierce. What's up with this guy now?
"I'm not," you gritted out, your heart dropping slightly at the sight of Juyeon interacting with other girls. You were lying when you said you didn't care, maybe you did.
"I don't get why you like him anyway, he's a jock, a football jock," he said the last part in distaste, making it seem as though footballers were the worst on earth.
"It's called being interested, dumbass. Having someone to admire makes college life fun," you fought back, caving into Jay's touch when he draped his arm over your waist. You shouldn't be liking this skinship. You mustn't.
"He's coming over, he spotted us," Jay mumbled, flashing his smile at Juyeon's approaching figure. "Act natural,"
"Thanks for the advice," you gritted out dryly, shifting around uncomfortably.
"Yo Jay," Juyeon called out to Jay, dabbing your supposed boyfriend up, a friendly smile on his face that blinded your vision and made your heart eyes appear. Fuck.
"Sup," Jay greeted back, breathing out a quiet laugh. “Oh, this is—”
“Y/N,” Juyeon finished Jay’s sentence at once, his gaze shifted onto you now, causing you to shy under his stare. “Partner from Chemistry?”
“That’s me,” you beamed at him, clapping your hands together, absentmindedly leaning further into Jay’s hold.
“I don’t normally see you at these type of parties,”
“Not a big party person,” you scratched the back of your neck, the feeling of awkwardness creeping up on you. You were never the best at meeting new people, though Juyeon wasn’t exactly a total stranger, but he wasn’t someone you were close to either.
“Right,” he paused for a moment, peering back and forth between you and Jay, a slight raise of his eyebrow. “So what brings the two of you here? You’re Jay’s date for the night?”
“She’s Jay’s girlfriend, actually,” the man himself spoke beside you, his hand on your waist pulling you closer to his side, a tight smile on his face. "My girlfriend,"
You could feel heat crawling up the back of your neck, choosing to avert your attention away and see what Juyeon’s reaction was. Turns out he was grinning, he was fucking grinning?
“Jay with a girlfriend? For real?”
Jay let out a scoff, seemingly offended by everyone’s surprise. Hell, if you didn’t know him and found out he had a girlfriend, you’ll be surprised too. “Yes, dickhead, surprise,” he grumbled, earning a chuckle from the footballer, who clearly loved irking Jay.
“Chill, good for you, man. About time,” he lightly slapped Jay’s shoulder and you sat quietly, not knowing what to say either. You really wanted to leave. “I’ll be at tomorrow’s match, see you,”
“Yeah, yeah, bye,” Jay bid a half-assed goodbye to Juyeon while you just waved at him instead, a tight lipped smile on your face. Once he was out of the picture, your head whipped to stare at the hockey player next to you, an impatient plea to leave this party written all over your features.
“Fine,” he sighed, letting you slip your hand in his. “How was all that?” he asked coolly, but you noticed a hint of displeasure in his tone, yet you waved it off again.
“I don’t know, he’s … okay, I guess,” you shrugged, truly confused about your current feelings. The thought of Jay stormed your mind. Juyeon? That’s the last J name of your concerns right now. But will you ever admit out loud that you were thinking about Jay, the man who constantly gives you headaches? Fuck no.
“Just ‘okay’?”
You hummed in response, sensing that he was a little bit more at ease after hearing your answer. He was easy to read, too easy.
“Does that make me better than him?”
“Woah, don’t get too ahead of yourself, Park,”
“Don’t hurt my ego like that,”
“Am not,”
“Come on, say I’m better, hotter and funnier than him,” he egged on, inching closer to you, a teasing grin stretched on that stupid face of his.
“Zipping my mouth shut,” you gestured at your lips, deadpanning at him.
“You’re too afraid to admit it,”
“Whatever you say, big head,” you bumped his shoulder and he stumbled a little, narrowing his eyes at you, a challenging smirk plastered on his face. Oh no.
In the next minute, Jay swept you off your feet and threw you over his shoulder. You let out a sharp yelp, unable to process everything at once, hearing Jay’s playful laugh fill the streets in the quietness of the night.
“You’re so dead,” you seethed, hitting his back with your utmost might, but he only cackled in response.
“Whatever you say, pea brain,” Jay mocked, earning him another hard punch on his back and this time, it actually made him wince. Choosing the safest route for himself, he kept his mouth shut.
Thus, you had no choice but to give into hanging over a hockey boy’s shoulder as the two of you ventured into the night in search of his car, not realising the mess you’ll be facing soon.
IT’S OFFICIAL. YOU'VE REACHED THE STAGE OF REGRET.
It was the next day, hockey game day, you turned up at the arena and copped a good seat. You might be wondering, ‘what’s so bad about a hockey game to the point you start regretting everything’, well if you could trade places with anybody in the world right now, you would, and that said a lot.
Jay had greeted you for barely five minutes before the game, rushing away immediately once he saw the time, giving you an apologetic hug that almost had you convinced this was real. What he hadn’t prepared you earlier, was the fact that there was a fucking kiss cam. One look at the jumbotron and you knew you were doomed.
‘KISS CAM’ was written clearly on the screen, the music in the arena was drowned out completely and you felt your heart drop. It might’ve seemed overdramatic for you to react like this, but in reality, kissing a stranger was terrifying. Your first kiss was already a nightmare, let alone kissing someone you don’t know, what would make it better?
“Nothing will happen,” you assured yourself over and over again, unaware that somebody had just slipped in the seat beside you.
“Hey,”
You flinched, brought out of your daze and you met Juyeon’s eyes. Good-fucking-bye to the world right now. His smile distracted you, having you muted and malfunctioning. Cool. This was cool. You’re cool.
“Hi,” you gave him a small smile that turned out more awkward than you thought.
“Supporting Jay today?” he nodded at the rink where the team was currently practising, your eyes wandering over to Jay’s figure.
“Him and the team. School spirit, you know?”
“Yeah,” he chuckled. “I heard about the kiss cam—” he pointed towards the screen and you wanted to close your eyes instead, but basic courtesy mattered. “—apparently for raising funds,”
Raising funds through a kiss cam? What was this? ‘The Kissing Booth: hockey edition’?
“That’s … interesting,” you uttered, nervousness laced in your voice.
You were saved from the awkward tension just as the game started, secretly wishing you had Minji with you instead of a mouth watering football player next to you. The game was intense, effectively grabbing your attention away from your surroundings, but the flash of the kiss cam starting its quest on finding couples was distracting.
As the game progressed, you grew confident that your mind was just playing games in making you anxious and nothing would happen. Your mind eased as you joined in the cheering when the home team finally scored a goal, watching the team celebrate had you grinning, staring down at a specific number 99.
The high soon died down and you chose to glance up at the jumbotron, the kiss cam focused on a cute couple who were weirdly making out instead of just simply kissing. PDA, yucks. It then swiftly moved on to another pair, thankfully. They were probably strangers, but being good sports, they shared a quick peck, earning some ‘awh’s from the crowd. Another change, your eyebrows furrowed, a frown tugged at your lips, was that—
It was. Your nightmare has come. For a moment you wondered if you were hallucinating, but a couple of beats later, you came to the realisation you were not. The kiss cam was focused on you and … Juyeon. When you said you were interested in him, you didn’t mean this, nope not at all.
Embarrassingly and reluctantly, you avoided the footballer’s gaze and shook your head, feeling tripped out as you stared at your own self on the screen, catching some disappointed groans from a few people. “I have a boyfriend,” you mouthed, trying your best to seem apologetic, but Juyeon didn’t look like he wanted to back down.
“You don’t want to kiss me?” he murmured, attempting to seem as lowkey as possible.
“I have a boyfriend, sorry,” you pressed your lips into a flat line, not enjoying this for a bit. The kiss cam swerved away to pinpoint another pair, but Juyeon was persistent.
“Come on, don’t pretend you don’t want to kiss me,”
You glared at him, your features turning sour, in disbelief at what you’ve just heard. Was he serious? “Excuse me?”
“Forget about Jay, I know how you were looking at me that night,” he whistled lowly under his breath and you scoffed, but you were caught off guard almost immediately when you saw the kiss cam lighting up in the corner of your eyes, and it zoomed into your face again. FML.
“He’ll never know,” he arched an eyebrow, welcoming the idea hugely. Scumbag.
“I don’t stoop that low you fuck—”
Before you could jump Juyeon and curse him out, a loud crash startled you and everyone around. You jumped in your seat, your head turned towards the direction of the noise. Jay was in front of you, his fist against the glass, helmet in hand. If looks could kill, you would’ve been dead.
Wet strands of hair stuck onto his forehead, his eyes narrowed into a death stare as it trained on Juyeon. “Fuck off,” he yelled through the glass barrier, his fist clenched. “Back off,”
The blood in Juyeon’s face was completely drained, obvious embarrassment and shame washed over him, but knowing him and his ego, he played it off, pretending as if that didn’t happen. “Whatever,” he got up from his seat and stormed off. Deserved.
You hid the small smile forming on your face, your sights redirecting towards Jay, your heart beating wildly against your chest the moment you met his eyes, softening when he mouth ‘you okay’. You nodded back at him and you could tell he instantly loosened up, returning a half smile before turning away and joining the team.
Moral of the story: don’t fall for playboys, which sounded pretty ironic considering the situation you were currently in.
The game had thankfully ended in a win for the home team, and honestly, that whole experience seemed to be years instead of just a few hours. Never again. You were glad to see Jay and everyone else cheerfully exiting the rink, taking that as the cue for you to chase after him.
Upon arriving outside the locker room, you found yourself standing awkwardly as you waited for him to appear, greeting his friends half-heartedly when they were on the way out. Your patience was thinning and only until then, he only decided to appear, a little shocked that you were there.
“Congrats on the win,” you joined his side and walked together, letting his shoulder brush against yours softly.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, a lollipop in his mouth. You didn’t enjoy this questionable tension between the two of you, noticing his rigidness.
“Hey!” You cut to the chase, snatching the lollipop from his lips, finally getting his attention as he turned to stare at you with wide eyes. “What was that for?”
“Nothing,” he shrugged it off, and you didn't understand why, you could tell he was blatantly lying.
“You're acting really weird,” you narrowed your eyes at him in accusation.
“Am I?”
“Ask yourself that,” you huffed, instinctively putting the lollipop into your mouth, not bothering to care anymore. “Anyway, I think mission Juyeon is officially cancelled, he gives me the ick, didn't know he was such a big douchebag,”
“Told you so,” he shrugged, his gaze wavering from your lips to your eyes. Woah. “Keep the lollipop, I have loads,” he gulped, avoiding your eyes.
“Drop me off?” You suggested, putting on the most convincing, sweetest smile, which somehow worked since it got Jay to grudgingly mumble a ‘yes’.
“I would give you a kiss right now if I could.” You skipped on, leaving Jay to tail behind you, your words ringing in his ears.
Maybe somewhere inside, he did wish you would.
“SEE? I TOLD YOU HE WAS A JERK,”
Minji continuously flailed her hands dramatically as you and she made your way through the campus. It was the week of the hockey event that Jay had mentioned, meaning another restless week of frat party, dress shopping, hockey match and then a fancy event.
“Yes, yes, I know, you've made your point,” you grumbled annoyingly, having not one but two people saying the same to you.
“It's quite cute that Jay stood up for you though,” she nudged your side, her eyes glinting. You knew what she was indicating.
“Fake dating, fake. Not real,” you threw your hands up in defeat, but internally, you were beginning to second guess if you even wanted to call it fake, maybe deep down, you didn't want it to be.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Minji mumbled, but you were able to catch onto it, huffing in denial next to her. “Anyway, when are you going shopping? The event’s this weekend already,”
“Fuck, I forgot,” you brushed your hand through your hair, having another headache to add on to. “Do you have any nice fancy dresses? I'm sure Jay is ready but I'm not,”
Minji flashed a knowing smirk, she definitely had something up her sleeve. “You know I do. I'll bring them to your dorm and we're going to have a whole makeover,”
“You're not going to burn my hair this time right?”
“We'll see.”
A few days had passed and it was your second hockey pregame party, repeatedly cursing that your Thursday night was ruined once more, but seeing Jay’s pleading eyes at your doorstep, you just had to give in again. How did he have that effect on you?
“She’s going to be at the party,” Jay noted casually on the way to the house.
“Oh,” you pursed your lips, not knowing what to say next. “What’s her name? You’ve never mentioned,”
“Sujin,”
“Her?” you gasped, eyes widened in plain shock. Out of all the girls he could’ve had his heart broken by, it had to be the infamous Instagram blogger who was known to play around. Look, you've always been a supporter of every woman's rights and wrongs, but she was way beyond any defending.
“Yeah …” Jay sighed, his fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel. “We were high school lovers, but things went sour in college,”
“Well, forget about her, you want to prove her wrong right? Then prove her wrong,”
“You're oddly over confident today,”
“What's wrong with confidence, Park?”
He glanced over at you briefly, a wide grin on his face as he shook his head. “Nothing. I just like to see confidence on you,”
You rolled your eyes, but something inside you twisted, finding yourself ignoring whatever feelings that sparked internally. “Are you ready for Saturday?”
“Suit’s ready, but me? So so, I guess,”
“You sound pessimistic, don’t tell me you’re starting to regret all these,”
“Hey, now you’re just putting words into my mouth,” Jay grumbled, putting the car into park right outside of the familiar frat house. “I won’t ever regret you or this whole thing, now come on,”
You weren’t left a single second to even process the fact that he said he won't regret you. Yes, you, not just this stupid scheme, but you. Upon entering the threshold, you were met with a cup of beer thrusted into your face from a passing Heeseung, your other hand occupied by Jay’s, trying your best to make it past the crowd without stumbling over. Everything was a whirlwind.
“Fuck, she’s here,” his hold on you tightened and you followed his line of sight, your gaze landing on the over dressed Instagram model, her skirt a little too small and her heels a little too high.
“Just act normal, Jay. You said you’re over her, then you should act like that,” you yanked him close to you, walking over to the mini bar, pouring yourself a drink. “That’s her boyfriend?” you nodded at the taller man towering beside Sujin, his face contrary to the one you had in mind.
“Yeah, that’s Intak,” he said quietly, aware of the lingering ears around the two of you. “Seeing him every time we have a game against his team is revolting, I can’t believe I have to see him here too,”
“Then look away,” you pushed his face softly, earning a huff of annoyance from him. “Come on, it’ll be over in an hour,” you rubbed the side of his arm in comfort, his lips twisting into an endearing smile.
“You’re right,” Jay sighed, blinking harshly, his gaze flickering between you and your surroundings. “I’ll go find Heeseung and Sunghoon for a moment, is that okay? Will you be alright alone? You can come along too. If you want—”
“It’s fine, Jay, really,” you laughed, putting your hands up to stop him from blabbering on. “Go find them, call me when it’s time to leave,”
“I’ll come find you once I’m done,” he held onto your shoulder, pressing a hasty kiss on the top of your head before turning away to another room in search of his hockey teammates.
Safe to say you were able to find yourself a company, who turned out to be a girl you knew from your literature class. Why was she there? She didn’t know either and you thought the best was to not question further, grateful that you were not alone in this house of strangers. The clock was spinning fast, soon it was already past midnight and Jay was nowhere to be seen. You were praying that you weren’t in a remake of ‘Scream’.
The feeling of unease crept up on you and you couldn’t handle it any longer, standing up from the couch and storming into different rooms of the house, all occupied and filled with people, none of those were Jay. The last option you had was the upstairs, which lied the unimaginable behind those rooms that you were not about to explore, thank you very much!
Wandering the upstairs of a rather large frat house all alone was quite a challenge, especially when you were trying to hunt a 5’10 hockey jock, adding onto the fact that you literally and physically bumped (crashed, actually) into said hockey jock’s enemy in the corridors, shit was turning upside down.
“Fuck—sorry,” you coughed out, regretting your last sober choice of bringing your beer cup along.
“Shit—it’s fine, no worries,” Jay's enemy/ex’s boyfriend, Intak, reassured, dabbing himself off with some napkins that were miraculously lying on a table nearby.
“I feel bad, if you need it cleaned I can help,” you frowned, leaning over to see the damage you’ve caused: a yellowish stain on his once perfect white tee.
“No, it’s completely fine, shit happens,” he laughed, waving his hand, an awkward silence filling the air momentarily. “So, why are you even up here?”
“Oh—I’m finding … someone,” you gave him a tight-lipped smile.
His eyes lit up. “Me too, actually. I can’t leave the party without them and gosh, I’m getting a headache already,”
“Twins, I think the beer is getting to me soon,” you clapped your hands, glancing around for any signs of Jay.
“Before that happens, may I know your name first?”
You raised your eyebrows. “It’s Y/N,”
“Nice to meet you, Y/N, I’m Intak,” you accepted his handshake, trying your best to be friendly and not seem awkward. "I play in a hockey team, the one that's playing against yours for tomorrow,"
"Right," you nodded as though you hadn't already known that prior to this. "I would wish you good luck on normal occasions, but since it's against the home team … I need to keep my school spirit,"
Intak let out a small laugh. "Totally understandable," he met your eyes, a hint of sheer curiosity in them. "Do you have a date for tonight—"
"Intak?"
"Y/N?"
You, together with the hockey player, turned around to find each other's partners standing down the corridor next to one another, a look of confusion written on their faces. But you, you had anger and an obvious "what the fuck" painted onto your expressions, and it was clear that Jay had noticed it too when he came close.
"Uh—we're leaving now, bye," Jay murmured, grabbing a hold of your wrist and dragging you away, giving you only a brief second to say goodbye to Intak.
You didn't and couldn't understand what was happening, just hating the way Jay was acting. You kept your mouth shut until you were completely out of the house and walking towards the car when you yanked your hand out of Jay's hold, causing him to look back at you in a daze.
"God, you're such a dickhead!" You seethed, breathing heavily.
"What?"
"'What' was all you could say? Jay, you left me in that party alone for God knows how long and then you disappear on me just for me to find you running back to your ex? Make it make sense,"
"I didn't run back to her, Y/N, for fuck's sake," Jay ran a hand through his hair, his lips pressed into a thin line. "She pulled me away and started claiming weird shit that never happened, I wanted to leave but she kept persisting until I managed to break down the fucking doorknob,"
Silence fell between the two of you, the dark of the night consuming your thoughts and the moon was staring down at you, your mind and soul in a daze. You couldn't understand why you were feeling this way, after all, it was fake, it wasn't real.
"I believe you," you sighed, gulping down the anxiety building up within you. "Forget it, it's fine, sorry for being so worked up, it's not like we're really dating, right?"
You looked at him, noticing his eyebrows furrowed and eyes glinting with something unreadable, his mouth opened then shut, wanting to say something but nothing came out, heaving a small sigh. "You're right, it's not real anyway."
As much as you wished to forget it, you couldn't. The way he wasn't even fighting and being in denial, his words stemming sadness into your heart and reminding you again and again that it was never real to begin with.
Fake dating was meant to be fake, wasn't it?
“I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE BROUGHT ME HERE FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT,”
Friday night hockey was something you loved, but after what happened yesterday, you dreaded coming.
You still remembered the tension filled air on the way back to your dorms, the silence in the car and the quiet exchange of "goodnight" haunted you. Crashing into Minji's bed having a breakdown definitely made you two come to a conclusion that you were indeed harbouring something for Jay. Were you going to straightforwardly admit it? Never.
Now, you had zero balls to be at the game alone, choosing to drag Minji along and you knew even if she was vocally complaining, she was actually enjoying the hot hockey players secretly.
"Did you talk to Jay after yesterday night?"
"No,"
"Will you?"
"Maybe,"
"I think that's a 'yes',"
You stared pointedly at her and she shrugged, resuming her watch on the hockey players practising. You watched along as well, your eyes instinctively following Jay's figure, but then you noticed Intak on the far end as well. Somehow, you knew that this match wasn't about to end well.
"Is this seat empty?" A voice startled you from your internal monologue, snapping your head just in time to see little miss ex standing over you.
"Oh—yes," you said uneasily, grabbing your phone immediately to text Minji.
you: it's her
jiji: who
you: the girl next to me!!! that's jay's EX.
jiji: YOU'RE KIDDING
you: i wished
You exchanged a wary look with Minji, playing it off as natural as you could as you sensed Sujin sitting next to you, elbowing Minji in panic and she does the same back to you, making it look wild and weird from a third perspective. You stopped the frenzy nudging war with Minji, swallowing thickly and hoping nothing happened, but actually, something did, hooray!
“You’re Jay’s girlfriend?” you heard her asking and you turned your head slowly, meeting her blinking eyes and curious gaze.
“Yes,” you tried your best for it to sound convincing, and it seemed to have worked.
“Cool.” she whistled under her breath, returning her gaze back to the arena and you resisted rolling your eyes, biting back a snarl.
The game started in a haze, both teams trying to break one another’s defence and score a goal, yet it all failed in the end, turning it into a tie for two periods straight. You and Minji sighed in disappointment, watching the home team giving their best to not collapse there and then. Sujin, on the other hand, looked nervous throughout the game, occasionally standing up and clapping.
The third period approached in a blink of an eye, two teams eager to score and win, the tension was high and you could tell they were sweating heavy loads. It began in a peaceful and lowkey attack, but shoving and punches were seen here and there, earning entertained jeers from the crowd. You sighed, both in exasperation and stress, hoping nothing would land Jay a bad game. But everything proved you the opposite once more.
Your eyes widening in the next moment, noticing two players shoving each other and throwing gloves onto the ice, punches almost thrown but was interjected by the referee and teammates. Lord, it just had to be Jay and Intak, it was basically written in the stars, wasn’t it?
Once the game had ended, you couldn’t care less about the scoreline, listening to Minji’s brief rants on how not to fumble your emotions about Jay and stopping her halfway through, pointing to the clock as your time ticked. You were attempting to squeeze your way out when you heard a cough behind you and to your disappointment, it had to be Sujin.
“You’re aware of who I am, right?” you heard the sneer in her voice, holding in the urge to rip her hair out and instead, remained facing away from her.
“Don’t worry, I do. You’re Jay’s dumpster ex girlfriend,”
“What—”
Timing was right and you took the chance to slip away, thanking the world that you were finally miles away from Jay’s dusty ex. All of that didn’t matter though, the important aspect was finding Jay now, awkwardly speed walking to locate Jay’s whereabouts.
Upon arriving at the front of the familiar locker rooms, you patiently waited, feeling a sense of deja vu. That wasn’t all. Your anxiety was at its highest point. What were you about to say to Jay? Can you even face him? What if you pussied out and ran away—
“Y/N?” speaking of the devil …
You whipped your head around, Jay’s curious eyes meeting your panicked ones, your whole body frozen to the spot as he approached you, taking a cautious step at a time.
“Are you alright? Were you hurt?” you couldn’t help it, after seeing the minor fight on ice, your first natural instinct was to ask him this. Jay lowered his head, hiding a smile that was threatening to appear. A small sense of relief washed over you.
“I’m fine … thanks. Just a small conflict,” he muttered, then proceeded by a brief moment of silence, where you swore it felt like forever considering how it was just quiet stares and exchanges of friendly smiles, and you couldn’t really handle it much longer, being the one to break first.
“Jay, I—uhm—yesterday, the party thing, I’m sorry about it, I don’t want that to make things awkward between us,” you gesture wildly at the space between you and him, his eyes following your movements. “And it’s wrong for me to say those stuff,”
“It’s partially my fault too. I’m the one to blame to ditch you,”
“I’m the one who accused you of shit and I feel really bad for assuming something I don’t know. I just got worked up, I’m sorry,”
He took hold of your hands, grasping onto them tightly as though he was fearing you’d run away. “Y/N, do you trust me?”
Do you trust him?
In a heartbeat, the answer was an obvious ‘yes’. You had to admit, you did initially find him annoying and a total fuckboy that you knew would break your heart, but as time passed, you couldn’t care anymore. Even if it meant your heart was on the line, at least you knew Jay was genuine about you; at the very least, there was someone who would stand up for you, listen to your rants about music, and put you first.
“Yes,”
Jay pulled your hand, practically yanking you towards him, landing on his chest with a thud and a heart thumping crazily, butterflies swarmed your stomach and you could feel heaven getting close, aka you dying in Jay’s arms. He pressed his head on the top of yours, feeling his heart beating against your chest, his cologne no stranger to you now.
“When I said you’re my girl, I meant it, it doesn’t matter if it’s fake or not, I’ll always care for you, and I will never ever hurt you, so please—” an underlying mix of desperation, hurt and care were laced in his voice, and you were weak, weak for him. “—trust me, and even if it means I need to earn it or whatever, I will,”
“Jay…” you faltered, resting your chin on his shoulder, arms wrapped around his waist. “I’m sorry for not trusting you, I should’ve heard you out, of course I do trust you,”
Jay was silent for a second, whispering a quiet ‘thank you’ and pressing a swift kiss on your forehead, which didn’t get completely unnoticed by you, but you decided to not say anything about it, letting yourself melt into his arms. Internally, you were conflicted, torn between whether your feelings about him were mutual, you were scared, petrified that you’ve already broken the first and most important rule of fake dating:
Do not catch feelings.
jayjay: DUMPSTER EX? you’re soo foul for that
you: truth hurts unfortunately :/ you never told me what happened that day
jayjay: it was stupid, he just started attacking me, for OBVIOUS reasons, so i couldn’t help defending back :(
you: i’m glad you didn’t get your ass beat
jayjay: gasp you have zero confidence in me!
Tossing your phone to the side was a hard task considering how Jay was basically spamming your message inbox, ranging from panicking about the event that was happening at night to gossiping about exes, he was certainly experiencing many emotions. You were similarly distraught, having a hard time choosing between a black dress or a red one, placing them in front of you for evaluations that just ended up failing.
“By the time we’re done I think the party would’ve ended,” Minji groaned from her side of the room, lounging on her bed as she watched you glancing between the two dresses.
“Not helping,”
“I literally chose the black one and you told me, in your words, ‘what if I looked better in red’ girl, that’s your problem now,”
“I'm indecisive and you know that,” you mumbled sourly, picking the black dress in the end. You were grateful for the fashion Gods, the dress was an absolute banger and you didn’t understand how you even picked it out, you just knew.
“See? I told you,” Minji whistled, manhandling you to do a forceful 180 turn for her, and from the way her face morphed into a smile, you could tell she was pleased. "Jay would drop dead when he sees you," she squealed.
"God I hope not," you joked, squeezing onto your clutch tightly.
jayjay: im outside :)
"He's here," you hissed, becoming frantic all of a sudden, double checking everything at the last minute before slipping your heels on, making sure to give Minji a small kiss on the cheek too and off you went dashing towards Jay's car, noticing his figure faced away, leaning against his car as you got nearer.
"Hi," you panted, masking the fatigue and exhaustion from the amount of panic and stress you went through in those 5 minutes.
You could see Jay glancing up from his phone, then shoving it into his back pocket and turning his head around, his burning eyes locked with yours. A smirk slowly stretched onto his lips, a mischievous glint in his gaze as he sweeped your figure. You were no better, eyes shamelessly boring into him, scanning his attire and you swore your legs were shaking.
Him in a plain black suit shouldn’t be affecting you, but it was. The prada tie hung around neck was equally distracting, how was he making something so simple seem breathtaking? You hated him for it, yes, you absolutely do. His hair was styled back and a single loose strand hung over his forehead, practically challenging the Zayn Malik look.
“Hey,” his hand instinctively reached for your waist, bringing you closer to him. “You look amazing—you’re amazing,” he breathed out, completely transfixed.
“You look great too,” that’s a lie, he looked more than just great.
“Getting complimented by you for once? Honoured,”
“You should be,” you snickered, letting Jay guide you to the passenger side and adoring the way he opened the car door for you. Although it was a small gesture, you appreciate it greatly considering how literally no man had done this for you before. Known fuckboy Park Jong Seong was proving you wrong day by day.
The drive there began quietly and you knew it was going to take a while since it’s quite a distance away, fearing it would be awkward silence once more, but the moment Jay had switched the radio on, the music discourse started, then it progressed into movies.
“I can’t believe you hate rom coms!” you gasped, staring at him in horror as he fumbled to defend himself.
“Look, I didn’t say hate, but it’s just pointless,”
“You’re telling me you’ve never watched the classic rom coms before?” you dramatically leaned away from him, earning a huff.
“No,” he grumbled.
“That’s criminal,” you exclaimed, a little evil idea forming in that brain of yours. “I’m making you watch them,”
“You’re so not,”
“Oh, I am,” you beamed, clapping your hands together. “There are ‘How to Lose a Guy in 10 days’, ‘Notting Hill’, ‘Pretty Woman’, the list goes on and on and Julia Roberts is literally a rom com legend—oh my God, please tell me you’ve watched Mamma Mia before,”
“Of course I did! I’m not that bad,”
“I’m glad,” you let out a sigh of relief, sinking into your seat and making a mental note to write down a list of rom coms to watch with Jay. A rom com marathon date with Jay, cute. The rest of the ride, you listened to Jay’s hilarious rants about the pizzas he tried and the interesting stories from his trips abroad.
The venue was absolutely spacious and screamed sponsored. It was at some five star hotel, the parking was already a clear indication that it wasn’t a hotel to be taken lightly in consideration. Even Jay was surprised, his head twisting and turning to look at the small details of everything, his hand in yours and it genuinely felt like you were dragging a curious child around.
“Didn’t know the hockey associations had this in them,” he cooed, entering the ballroom of the hotel, a big hockey banner hung at the stage, round tables littered here and there, a huge space in the middle for the dancefloor and as for the cherry on top, a wide array of food and drinks displayed freely. Maybe you didn’t fully regret coming.
Despite all that, you only managed to recognise one or two people from the hockey team, but the rest of them were plain strangers, players from different schools that only Jay could probably recognise. You simply felt uneasy.
“Remind me what this is for again?”
“Literally nothing, it’s the same as the frat party but classier I suppose,”
“Real charming,”
“Come on,” Jay said quietly, his hand resting on the small of your back, guiding you towards your designated table, actually glad for once when you saw the hockey team, including Heeseung and Sunghoon. “It’s going to be over soon and hey, you can always talk to the guy’s dates,”
“Will I be seeing their dates the next time?” you arched a quizzical eyebrow at him, knowing their reputation, you wondered if this was a one night exclusive kinda thing, but you weren’t there to judge.
“Hard to say,” Jay frowned.
“Wait—” you paused, placing an arm on Jay’s shoulder. “What about us? This whole deal was for tonight, but what happens after?”
“I don’t think it’s the right time to discuss this right now, Y/N,” Jay glanced back and forth between you and his friends at the table, making sure his voice was extra hushed. “Let’s just survive tonight first, and we’ll talk about the rest after. Capiche?”
You nodded, but deep down, you could tell that talk was already dreaded by the both of you. You’d hate to admit it, but after being with Jay for a while, you were not willing to let go. What if he didn’t feel the same and you’ll just end up being those clingy girls he dated before? It was such a wrong time to think about all these when you’re in the middle of some stupid event, but your mind has its way to put you off, always.
“You okay?” Jay was close, his eyes scanning your face for any signs of emotions. It definitely helped in snapping you out of your daze, and it took your utmost willpower to not shy away or kiss him at that exact moment, he was so pretty, painfully pretty when he was up close for you to be able to capture his every feature.
“Yeah,” you breathed out, squeezing his shoulder lightly before looping your arm around his. “I’m a little hungry,”
“Me too,” Jay groaned, his head turning over to where the buffet was, evidently displaying heart eyes. “I’ll go get us some, you should join them first, and save me a seat too, please,”
“‘Please’? That’s a first from you,”
“Do you want your food or not?”
“You’re so romantic whenever you threaten me,” you shooed Jay away, forcing him to fetch some food while you trudged your way towards the table, Heeseung and Sunghoon nodded at you when you caught their eyes.
"Y/N," the two hockey players regarded you, their dates giving you friendly smiles and you took a seat next to Heeseung's date.
"Heeseung, Sunghoon," you raised your eyebrows. "And the ladies," you have to admit it, at least they had great tastes.
Heeseung and Sunghoon introduced you to their dates, one was Chaewon and the other was Kazuha, both of them being the nicest people you've ever met and you swore you were about to ditch Jay for them instead.
"Hey," Jay finally appeared, his hands were occupied by two plates and thankfully, he was smart enough to fill them up to the brim. He slipped into the empty seat next to you, acknowledging his friends and their dates.
“This is a first,” Heeseung noted thoughtfully, catching both you and Jay off guard.
“Hm?” Jay hummed, passing you the utensils.
“Don’t ‘hm’ me. This is literally my first time seeing you treat a girl like this,”
Jay stared back at his friends as if they were insane, you just stayed amused. “You’re making me sound like I’ve treated other girls like a dickhead,”
“You know what I mean,”
You didn’t. But it seemed Jay did, silently sighing underneath his breath and shrugging Heeseung’s words off, turning to you instead. “I got you some strawberries, I remembered you mentioned loving them once,”
There was a tug at your heartstrings, it was your absolute weakness: people remembering your favourite things; Jay most definitely had a great way to get into your heart and mind. He was slowly but surely ticking off the boxes on the list you’ve created in your head, titled ‘things Jay is forbidden to do so that I WON’T end up liking him’ and he was proving you wrong by checking them off one at a time, damn it.
The food wasn’t the best but the company surely did help. The whole of the hockey team was cracking jokes around the table, you were laughing until your stomach was hurting, the atmosphere high and wild, you were too busy trying not to choke at the jokes to notice that you were practically leaning onto Jay’s side, shoulders touching and you could feel the warmth emanating from his body.
What’s a fancy event without a speech at the end of the night? Other than that boring part, you were relieved to hear there was at least a dance to end the night off on a high with, since the dance floor was there for a reason. The team around the table started dispersing in pairs, until it was only you and Jay left.
“Were you waiting for me to ask?” Jay teased, his eyes lingering on you.
“Isn’t that how it’s supposed to go usually?” you mused, raising an accusing eyebrow at him and he stifled a laugh.
“I’m playing with you. I was waiting for the other’s to leave first so that I could be alone with you—” he bumped your shoulder gently with his, “—and ask you personally,” he stood up from his seat, the soft glow from the lights shone across his face, alighting his delicate features, he looked like a fantasy, too good to be true, and maybe he was. “Would you like to dance?”
“I would love to,” you accepted his hand, allowing him to lead you to the dancefloor and you suddenly felt nervous, hoping you wouldn’t end up tripping or stumbling, or worse, stepping on Jay’s toes. Somehow, he would always sense your distress and this time, it was the same.
“Don’t be nervous, I won’t start hoisting you up like those Disney shows,” he said with his recognizable playful smile that you’ve grown used to.
You were facing him now, his hand not leaving yours and only tightening its grip, pulling you in closer and closer until you were only mere inches away from him, noses almost touching. The other hand of his rested on your waist, yours on his shoulder, eyes not leaving one another. The lights were dimmed down, slow music was playing in the background and you swore you saw something sparked in his gaze as you two started moving to the rhythm.
“I might’ve said it earlier already but genuinely, you’re absolutely breathtaking,” Jay whispered, his voice low and his gaze piercing.
“Have my love potions finally worked?” you smiled, hoping and praying that Jay wouldn’t notice the slight tinge of pink rising to your cheeks.
“I think they did,” Jay nodded slowly, biting his lip for a moment before leaning even more closer, space was basically nonexistent between you two now. “I might want to keep you forever now, keep you by my side and never let you go,”
Could this be his answer? An answer to your countless doubts and thoughts that piled in your mind. This was stupid, he was stupid. Stupidly handsome and charming it had you going insane and you thought hockey jocks wouldn’t have this effect on you, guess you were wrong all along.
“Really?” you breathed out, barely audible, but expectant.
“I don’t think I was ever joking,”
“I—”
“Jay!” Sunghoon’s voice boomed through the crowd and you could see the hope drain from Jay’s face, his eyebrows furrowed and features twisted into annoyance. “Dude, I heard there’s some free booze that costs thousands! Can we please go check it out—am I interrupting something here?”
“You think?” Jay seethed out, taking off his suit’s blazer and placing them over your shoulders. It was something small, maybe even insignificant to others, but to you, it meant a lot, and you were hoping no one noticed your slight shyness after.
“It’s fine,” you placed a reassuring hand on Sunghoon’s shoulder. “You can whisk him off for the night, but don’t make him drunk,”
“Got it,” Sunghoon showed you two thumbs up, throwing his arm around Jay's shoulder.
“I’ll see you later? Call me if you need anything,”
“I’ll be okay, I have Chaewon and Zuha here,”
Jay only silently nodded, begrudgingly following his friend but making sure to turn back and take a last peek of you before fully disappearing away. You were left alone standing in the midst of the dancefloor, feeling a pair of eyes on you and you knew exactly who it was, Sujin.
Maybe this whole plan worked too well, it had you totally forgetting its original objectives and you couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad thing. All you knew was that you needed a long and deep talk with Jay and whatever he said earlier definitely had you on the edge all night while he was somewhere getting wasted. Hey, someone had to be the responsible one, and it happened to be you.
“You’re telling me Heeseung spilled a drink over a girl a few days ago?”
You found yourself giggling and messing around with Chaewon and Kazuha, the three of you sharing odd stories of one another and it evolved into gossiping about your own dates. Chaewon turned to you, a cheeky grin wide on her face.
“You and Jay are dating right?” she nudged you playfully, Kazuha followed with a smile.
“I guess so?” you threw your hands up, sipping from a drink you didn’t really like but still endured.
“You seem unsure—oh wow, did he never confirm it between you two?”
“No, not that—” it was that, it was complicated. “It’s just something’s bugging me,”
“What is?” the two girls leaned in closer.
“Just, the other day at a party, I saw him coming out of a room with his ex and I got mad—”
“Rightfully so,”
“I heard his explanation and I felt bad for jumping to conclusions,”
“Oh, honey, it’s our first instinct, you don’t have to beat yourself up for it,”
“Yeah, I know, I do trust him, he didn’t seem to look like he had just freshly made out with her or anything, but something in me just doesn’t feel like I’ve fully made peace with this whole thing,”
“Which means?”
“I don’t know exactly, I think I’m either super paranoid or simply scared something bad might happen,”
“I might’ve not been with Sunghoon for long enough and I don’t even think we’re a thing, but I’ve hung out with him and Jay included, and it’s enough for me to say that Jay is a good guy. He might be a well known fuckboy at first encounter, but the more you got to know him, you’ll realise he’s actually the sweetest and nicest guy ever,”
“Excluding his reputation,” Chaewon added thoughtfully.
“Excluding that,” Kazuha repeated. “But he probably changed, I don’t see him at many parties anymore after he got with you. It’s cheesy to say but I think you might’ve changed that man,”
“Mhm,” Chaewon nodded along, placing a hand on your thigh and giving you a comforting pat. “Please don’t let some ex overwhelm your thoughts and sever your relationship, I’ve been there and it sucked, believe me. I see the way he looks at you, I can tell he likes you a lot, I really don’t wish anything to happen between you two,”
“Plus, the three of us needs to hang out more, go on dates together, it’ll be fun,”
“Agreed,”
You broke into a smile, laughing softly and leaned into Chaewon’s embrace. “I know we’ve barely met but would it be too soon to say I love you guys?”
“Never,” the two girls snickered in unison.
The night gradually passed without your knowledge, time practically nonexistent when you spoke to your new found besties, only noticing how late it was when you saw people slowly making their way to the exit, hand in hand with their partners, and you thought of Jay. Please don’t be high or drunk somewhere, or just both in general.
“God, look at the time, should we go find them?” Kazuha pointed out, Chaewon stretching her arms out beside her while you readjusted yourself uncomfortably in this dress.
“We really should, they’re probably drunk or something. Come on,” Kazuha pulled you up and it took your utmost strength to not collapse from the pain, all thanks to your killer heels you were now wincing everytime you walked. Beauty is pain indeed.
It didn’t take long for the three of you to spot the hockey guys, distinguishing Sunghoon’s glorious silver hair that shone particularly brighter under the lights from the mirrorball. Although they seemed sober still, you could tell they were beginning to be at their wits end, but forget about them, Jay was nowhere in sight and you couldn’t help feeling unease.
“Where’s Jay?”
“Oh, Jay?”
“Yes, Jay,” you folded your arm, staring expectantly at them.
“He got a call or something just ten minutes back, he said he was supposed to be back soon, as in right now, but he’s not here,” Heeseung said, trying to take a swig of his cup before it was swatted away by Chaewon. “He did go that way,” he pointed at the door that led out to the terrace.
“I’ll go get him,”
“Do you need any of us to help?”
“I’ll be fine … for now,” you gave them a smile of assurance, but you yourself were far from being assured.
Trudging your way past the dispersing crowd, you were wondering where Jay was, silently cursing him out as you continued your way even if your shoes were killing you. Never again. The terrace was a nice place to getaway, the open space looked out to a night sky that was illuminated by skyscrapers and stars, plus the cool night breeze made it even better.
The area was wide, tables and chairs littered here and there, but there was no five feet ten hockey player anywhere. You decided to walk around a little bit more, pulling your phone out and dialling Jay’s number, praying he was somewhere near. There was no way this would be a second reenactment of the party at the beach except this time it’s actually a real scary movie, right?
Wrong.
The moment you rang Jay, you managed a sigh of relief once you heard a ringtone sounding from a distance away, so as anyone would, you followed it, turning around a corner and you saw Jay’s back, elation filled your heart, but before you could even shout his name, your perfect bubble burst.
Jay wasn’t alone, no, he was with someone, a girl. You squint your eyes and you swore your knees turned into jelly in that second. Sujin, the dumpster ex, pulled him into a kiss. A mix of countless emotions swelled in you, whether it was anger, shock or sadness, all you knew was that you needed to get out right now. You couldn’t believe it, Jay, the guy you actually considered was doing this. Maybe trusting him was the worst idea you could ever conjure up your entire life.
“Fuck me,” you cursed out, maybe a little too loudly because it definitely did make Jay stumble back from his ex, turning around to meet your eyes and you could tell he was not expected you here, hell you weren’t even expecting yourself to be in this foolish position.
“What—Y/N?” Jay somewhat looked too disoriented, unaware of what was happening as though he had just woken up 10 years later. But you couldn’t care less, you were hurt and you weren’t about to pretend nothing had happened and start acting jolly good. No, you weren’t going to stand there to let the scene before you swallow you whole, no way, you were going to leave this situation, this stupid event and this entire agreement.
You stormed away, not daring to look back, mustering every bit of courage you had to swallow down a sob and remain prideful, even if it meant you had to fake it till you made it. Hurt wasn’t a stranger to you. You’ve experienced hurt in many forms. Physically, when you fell down on the rough rocky road; emotionally in terms of family, friends, love. But this was a hurt that resembled a deep cut, the feeling of being stabbed in the heart haunted your soul.
“Y/N, wait,”
Fuck, not here, not now, not when you were inside and standing in the middle of the room. Even though there was barely any one here by now, the guys from Jay’s hockey team remained, including Heeseung and Sunghoon, you were not ready to confront or be confronted.
“No, Jay, no ‘wait’,” you put your hand out, distancing yourself away from him, but you could still smell the alcohol in his breath. You wished and hoped he was sober enough for this, because in the next hour you were going to be the one drinking to death instead.
“I can explain—”
“Can you?”
“What?”
“Can you explain this time? Is it just a drunken mistake? Is that what you were going to say?”
“For fuck’s sake, Y/N, we aren’t even dating,”
Heads turned, you could sense people’s attention on the two of you now, but you were far from caring about that, not when Jay’s words felt exactly like a dig at your already fragile heart. God, you were so so stupid and naive.
“Say it again,” the words came out in a whisper, your lips trembling. “Say it again, say how we were never real, how all of this was just a fucking scheme to get back at your ex, and ha—!” you threw your hands up, swallowing down a lump in your throat, “it worked, didn’t it? I ended up falling for your tricks and I ended up falling for you too, funny isn’t it?
Jay’s face twisted upon digesting your words, but you went on.
“I should’ve known that you were using me all along just to get back with her…” you faltered, your voice eventually failing you.
“Y/N, come on…” he said weakly, but you just shook your head.
“Go back to her,”
“Don’t you get it? Fuck, I’d choose you over her, any day, any time. I’d choose you over everyone God damn it. Can’t you see that?”
Your mouth fell open for a second, but nothing could come out as a response.
To say that you were bewildered was an understatement indeed, you were absolutely stunned speechless. The man before you, despite looking in a daze from God knows how much alcohol he had consumed, showed that his eyes said otherwise, staring back at you with desperation, longing, pining and sadness. Your heart could only take so much.
“Goodnight, Jay.”
What pained you more was the fact that he didn’t even try after that. No, he didn’t call for you nor did he stop you from leaving like those scenes from your favourite rom coms, he just decided to let you go.
At one point, you really wished someone would come out and yell ‘this is a prank’ at you, but obviously, no one did. This whole thing was basically a reenactment of Cinderella, except it was a modern day and much more angsty version of every kid’s favourite movie.
Of course, you happened to be Cinderella and he was Prince Charming, the clock struck midnight, you were leaving him in a haste and he was left stranded alone in the middle of a dance, how ironic.
Oh, how you wished you were able to hide away from your own Prince Charming like the old mediaeval days.
“ARE YOU GOING TO CONTINUE CRYING OVER ‘HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS’?”
“Leave me alone,”
“It isn’t a good coping method,”
Somehow, it was already almost a week since that night. You remembered calling a cab in the dead of the night (dumb idea) and phoning Minji the whole way sobbing till the point where the driver had to pull over. You were pathetic and even a stranger could tell so, but you know what, he was nice about it and that’s the positives you’d take from that.
“And it’s ironic how I actually did somewhat lose a guy too,” you tried laughing, but it only sounded like a choke, Minji shaking her head sympathetically at you.
Speaking about Minji, she definitely wasn’t pleased to hear what had happened. Knowing her, you knew she was about to say ‘I told you so’ but seeing you in your pathetic state, she kept her mouth zipped and quiet, letting you into her bed and having a sob session. It was a crazy night.
“When will you hear him out—did you even hear him out in the first place?” Minji eyed you accusingly and you began cowering under her intense gaze.
“No…”
“Y/N,” Minji sighed, shifting closer to you. “I know the whole picture is super messy and totally off putting, but what if it was an accident?”
“Him kissing his ex is a pretty clear picture to me, how would it be an accident?” you wrapped your blanket tighter around you, mumbling disheartedly.
“What if he fell on her or something?”
“Now you sound absolutely ridiculous,” you scoffed.
“What I really mean is, you should go and talk it out with him, if not, this thing will just drag on and you’ll hurt more,”
“I don’t think I’m ready, the wound’s still fresh,”
“I get it,” Minji placed her head on your shoulder, snuggling on your side. “It takes time, and I don’t think he’s ready either.”
Jay wasn’t ready, in fact he thinks he’s never going to face you again.
The moment he watched you slip away from him that night, he knew it was best to just let you go. Or so he thought. Best believe he got an earful from both Heeseung and Sunghoon, not to mention their dates. He could still remember the bursts of disbelief from them, the amount of ‘it was fake?’ and ‘what did you do?’ rung through his head till now, where he stared blankly back at the rink, sitting silently on one of the seats in the stands.
“It’s barely 24 hours and it’s also a Sunday, what are you doing here?” the team’s captain boomed through the empty arena, approaching Jay and eventually taking a seat next to him.
“Taking my mind off … things, what are you doing here?” Jay regarded Heeseung for a moment.
“I figured you’re here,”
Jay nodded at Heeseung’s words, silence eventually filled the space between them. It was one of those moments where they knew something was wrong, but no one wanted to speak up about it.
“Are you not going to tell us what happened? Or did you simply decide to kiss your ex?” Heeseung broke the ice, coming off slightly harsh, detesting the silence from Jay. He knew this wasn’t the best friend he trusted his life with, the Jay he knew wasn’t a cheater, even if the relationship wasn’t real.
“Would you even believe me?”
“I would, I’ve known you for years, there’s no way you’re doubting my trust for you,” Heeseung rested his hand on Jay’s shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze.
Jay ran his hand across his face, blinking momentarily before sighing deeply. “I wasn’t the one who kissed her. I don’t know what happened to lead up to that, but I swear she suddenly turned me around and pressed herself onto me. I was just chilling outside for fresh air,”
“You’re kidding,”
“If I was I wouldn’t be here at all,”
“Have you confronted Sujin?”
“Kind of? If you count screaming at her and telling Intak about it as a confrontation, then yes,” Jay was fidgeting with his fingers, his eyes trained on the rink. “I think Intak broke it off with her after,”
“Deserved,” Heeseung mused, a small smile on his face, karma truly worked wonders. “Now that’s settled, what about Y/N? I still can’t believe you roped her into a fake dating scheme just for that event,”
“Alright, alright, I’ve done some dumb shit and this was one of them, I know,” Jay admitted, throwing his hands up in defeat. “And I know I’ve hurt her … a lot, that’s why I don’t know how I can ever face her again,”
“I don’t understand why you didn’t chase after her that night,”
“I admit I did pussy out a little—”
“‘A little’?”
“Shut up,” Jay narrowed his eyes at his captain, who stared back, equally unamused. “I thought letting her go was the best choice, I was scared of hurting her more,”
Heeseung’s gaze softened, remaining quiet as he listened to his best friend opening up. Heeseung had these types of deep talk with Jay many times before, but this time, it was different. Being the one who stuck alongside Jay since his first breakup to now, he was the clearest when it came to Jay and his feelings. Over the years of witnessing Jay and his casual one nights, Heeseung expected it to last until the very day Jay retires from hockey, but your sole existence proved him wrong, and it definitely proved Jay wrong as well.
“Jay, do you like her?” Heeseung said after a while, catching the latter off guard.
“I–I–” Jay stammered, his body rigid and thoughts were circling in his mind. He didn’t just like you, he knows he’s fallen for you, you were the first girl to ever caught his eyes way before he even got to talk to you.
He remembered it clearly, you were the one who called hockey stupid in front of his face, oblivious to the fact that he played the sport. He was injured at that time, sitting in the stands and watching his team play when he heard your voice complaining, your then boyfriend next to you. Offended Jay was once he heard the insult, though he was fascinated by you, but it was just his fuckboy side talking and he ended up staying silent instead.
Next thing he knew, he was all recovered and you were in the crowd, your face blank, the seat next to you was empty. Jay assumed it was a break up, something in him was giddy and he went on to score a hat trick that night. After all that, people might assume he would’ve gotten your number already, right? Nope. He never had the guts to and you stopped coming to games, only appearing once in a few months, until that fateful night at the beach.
“I do like her, fuck,” Jay threw his head back, leaning into the seat and his hands on his face, swallowing deeply as if he was in trouble, maybe because he was. How was he going to tell you he liked you and confront you about that night? There were two big stones thrown at his head. "I like her so much till the point where I think the amount of denial I had is turning into delusions instead,"
"So, you've reached insanity, got it,"
"God, I haven't been romantically in love with many girls before, but I'm pretty sure this is what being in love feels like, right … ?"
Heeseung stared at Jay's pathetic expression, sighing deeply, clapping his back. "It's different for everyone but I can guarantee that you're on the right track, buddy,"
"Okay," Jay said breathlessly and nodded blankly, seeming as though he had just freshly figured out his feelings, putting the missing pieces into his puzzle. "Got it, but how do I apologise to her now?"
"What do you mean? Just go up to her and talk, say sorry and explain,"
"I feel like that's not enough,"
A sudden spark alighted in Heeseung's eyes, a shiver equally went down Jay's spine when he witnessed that before him. Lee Heeseung and his ideas were a mix of trouble and sometimes success, mainly trouble. “You know, Sunghoon pitched this idea to me yesterday, he said something about this is how you get the girl,”
The mention of Sunghoon's name and his idea didn't help at all.
“Write her an apology on our jumbotron,”
“You're insane,”
“And we happen to have access to it,”
“... tell me more.”
YOU WERE REGRETTING YOUR CHOICE OF AGREEING TO HEESEUNG AND SUNGHOON’S INVITE.
Hockey games were never up your alley, they knew that, but somehow they still managed to pull you into attending their game, even after what had happened. They did offer to bring you out for a luxurious buffet and you guessed it was their way of an apology, not passing up on it either.
“This better be worth it,” you grumbled under your breath, settling into your seat, glancing down at the rink, making it a strenuous effort to not stare at him. Ladies, do not chase, attract. You were not about to go running after Jay, nope, never.
No matter how hard you tried suppressing the thought of Jay, it lingered nevertheless. You wondered when he would talk to you again, or if he ever would, and being the most stubborn person you were, you weren’t going to confront him despite the need of an explanation clawing at your deepest desires.
The first and second period rolled by mindlessly and you were starting to be at your wits end, reminding you why you barely ever attend hockey games after your ex, but at least the home team was leading. The third period was slightly more thrilling thanks to the small fight between two players, enraging you and the crowd, but once the puck landed on Jay’s end of the stick, everyone was on their feet, watching him zoom past the defensemen.
Without saying, Jay scored the game’s winning goal, the crowd going wild. You couldn’t help smiling, the whole team engulfed him wholly, making you let out a small giggle, and you had to admit, times like this where teams win crucial games do make you happy. Meanwhile, what you hadn’t noticed was the fact that Jay was glancing up at the crowd, his eyes searching for your figure.
On the other hand, what you did notice was the jumbotron. A video of Jay doing his celebration flashed big on the screen, a giant ‘GOAL’ next to his head, but there was another line of words under that caught your attention at once, knowing it was directed at you. ‘I’m sorry and I miss you. I’ll wait for you, even if it’s a lifetime. Please come back to me.’ Totally not heartbreaking and gut wrenching for you!
Screw being a cold hearted girl boss, all you wanted was to run back to him.
Slinging your bag onto your shoulder, your mind was in a mess as you made your way out, squeezing past people and mumbling apologies in return. You mentally made a list of things you were going to do. First, run back to the dorms. Second, cry. Third, figure shit out. Just to make matters messier, your journey out wasn’t the smoothest, especially when you had to bump into Jay’s dumpster ex. What great timing this was.
“Y/N?” Sujin was shocked to see you, but you were clearly unimpressed.
“You still have the guts to turn up in front of me? In here? In a school you don’t go to?”
“I–I just wanted to talk to you,”
“Me? What’s there to say?” you crossed your arms, staring expectantly at her.
“Look, Jay didn’t kiss me, I kissed Jay, you get it?”
You blinked. Were you supposed to get it? As much as you wished you didn’t, you did, and your mind turned into a worse state of mush. God rest your soul, you were about to pull someone’s hair out.
“What?” you exclaimed incredulously, furiousness crawling into your system. “So, you’re telling me you basically threw yourself onto him?”
“I suppose?”
“Wow, you really are a freaky ex, not freaky in a good way either,” you gestured at Sujin, a sick feeling in your stomach. It was never Jay’s fault, but his dumpster ex, and maybe all along he was trying to explain his side, yet you didn’t listen. Now, you felt like an idiot and an asshole. “You can stay in the dumpster and never return. You’re sick and twisted and I hope you’ll never turn up and harass Jay ever again, you got it? Or else I’ll curse you into being single forever,”
“I—”
You didn’t let her finish, you couldn’t bother to do so, instead you turned away, speed walking towards the locker rooms that unknowingly became yours and Jay’s meeting spot. Heart beating quick, your feet stumbling from walking too fast, your breath heaving, you were getting anxious. By the time you were standing in front of the locker room, sweat was trickling down the side of your face, whether it was from pure anxiety or just walking, you didn’t know. All you knew was that you needed to talk to Jay.
“Y/N, what brings you here?” Heeseung had his hands in his pockets, headphones around his neck, looking fresh off the shower as he greeted you. “I know Sunghoon and I invited you for dinner but I don’t think it’s tonight—”
“Where’s Jay?”
“Jay?” Heeseung repeated, he didn’t seem like he was believing what he had heard. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes to the back of your head.
“Are there other ‘Jay's' that you know?”
“Uh—no,” Heeseung stammered, shaking his head as if he’s trying to shake his dizziness away. “Jay left already, Y/N,”
“Oh,” it was obvious how deflated you became, the drop in your voice and disappointment written all over your face. Heeseung gave you an apologetic smile, but you could only manage a small wave of goodbye and a quiet bid of goodnight before turning back to the original path to the exit.
To say you felt frustrated, embarrassed, sad was an understatement, those words would never amount to the real emotions you were feeling. You were a mess, your love life was in a big distress and practically crumbling apart. The walk home couldn’t be more depressing than usual, can’t it?
Taylor Swift playlists to sob to, a tub of strawberry ice cream, a random rom com were all going to be your biggest hug of the night.
“GODS, THIS IS MISERABLE,”
A tub of half eaten ice cream sat sadly on your bedside table, a 90s romcom remained playing in the background. You couldn’t help frowning at the sight of the two leads falling in love, everything felt pathetic at this point.
You truly did stick to your words. Arriving back to an empty dorm room, courtesy to Minji for staying over at her boyfriend’s place, you practically had the whole dorm to yourself, meaning a space of free self loathing, you ran to your bed and plummeted into it. It took everything in you to not let out a blood curdling scream, instead you just took your laptop out and put on your favourite movie.
It was still early, midnight was barely approaching, so you were glad to be able to stay awake longer. It began raining heavily outside, a perfect sign for you to be in your sheets, reading your unfinished book that you’ve left hanging since months back. The whole scene of you being in bed on a rainy Friday night truly reflected a part from a romcom, how ironic it was.
In the midst of ‘16 Candles’ playing loudly on your laptop, the doorbell rang out of the blue. You froze, pausing the movie, slight paranoia creeping onto you. Right, being alone in an empty dorm room with a thunderstorm happening outside definitely wasn’t a common plot from horror. At first, you planned to ignore it, but a second ring prompted you to muster your courage to open the door.
‘I’m going to be fine’ chants were circling your mind as you approached the front door, one hand on the door knob, eyes glancing back and forth at the kitchen knife, you weren’t going down without a fight. A turn of the door knob and a pull of hand, the door swung open to a man. Wait. Not just any man—
“Jay?”
His name naturally rolled off your tongue, but your eyes couldn’t believe he’s actually standing right in front of you.
Jay stared back, equally startled, as though he hadn’t expected you to open the door for him. He was standing there like a ghost, fully drenched from head to toe, shaking from the rain. His face was impassive, but his gaze showed otherwise, a hint of sadness and desperation painted in his brown irises.
“Are you insane?”
Jay glanced down at his attire that was basically soaked to the core, a small sigh escaping his lips. “We need to talk, Y/N,”
You nodded wordlessly, your eyes unknowingly avoiding his piercing gaze as you slowly backed away to the kitchen, grabbing a dry towel. “Here,” you handed Jay the towel, your hand shaking a little.
“Thanks. Can I—” he took a peek over your shoulder, “—come in?”
“I—yeah,” you were slightly alarmed, moving to the side for him to enter before shutting the door, making sure to draw in a big breath to calm your nerves.
“Y/N, please let me explain—”
“Jay, I’m really sorry—”
The two of you halted, realising that you’ve spoken in unison, the silence dawning on the both of you. Jay broke into an awkward smile and you felt yourself grinning just a little. Jay gestured at you to continue, so you did, letting out the things you’ve bottle in for days.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what happened and I just jumped to conclusions, which was wrong for me to do but—” you swallowed, blinking hard, “—but it was heart wrenching for me to see you kissing someone else, especially when it’s your ex, and it’s stupid, it’s so stupid that I’m feeling this way when we’re not even a thing!”
“It’s not stupid, Y/N,”
“It is,”
“It’s not,” Jay repeated, taking a step closer, a look of pining in his eyes as he searched for yours. You didn’t realise how much you’ve truly missed him until you saw him close. “I never intended to kiss Sujin, you know? I went out because she called me saying she needed help, and she took the chance when I was confused to kiss me. I know I’ve asked for you to trust me before, but if you don’t, I’ll get it,”
“I do,” you said at once, eliciting a small look of surprise from him. “I spoke to her,”
“What?”
“She admitted it to me, and I wanted to find you after the game but you were already gone, then I realised how much of an Idiot I was,”
“Ah,” Jay said softly under his breath, combing his fingers through his hair, seemingly trying to digest everything in. The beat of silence was suffocating you gradually, uneasiness hung in the cold air of your dorm. It took you everything to pour the words you’ve been holding in your heart out.
“I trust you, I do, but what are we, Jay? What are we doing?” you breathed out, chewing anxiously on your bottom lip. “If you want to end it here, then say it—”
“We can be anything you want,”
“I want you, Jay,” you blurted out, it was too late to turn back and run now. “I don’t want you to need me, I want you to want me, just as much as I want you,”
Jay stepped closer, testing the waters between you and him before sensing the green light from you to continue further. Space was practically nonexistent, you were inches from him, letting his hand wander from your face to the back of your neck, naturally leaning into his warm touch that reminded you of the feeling of fire on a cold night. The hand resting on the back of your neck pulled you in closer, one wrong move and you would be kissing him.
“I do want you,” Jay said quietly, the minty scent laced in his breath entering your senses. “I like you, Y/N. There’s no doubt about that, I know it. I’m aware that this whole thing started out fake and I expected nothing from it, but when I realised I felt something more for you, I was scared you would leave, especially since I had a history of—”
“Being a fuckboy?”
Jay rolled his eyes, grinning at the unamused look on your face. “That. So I thought letting you go after that night was a good decision, that my feelings would eventually disappear and you wouldn’t be hurt anymore, but God, I ended up hurting you instead and you have no idea how I had lost my mind,”
“Jay…” you were quite literally speechless, his words didn’t just had to tongue tied and had rendered you wordless completely, it made your insides twist and turn in the most childish way, it made you feel like you were a teenage girl who had just talked to her crush for the first time, you were giddy.
“I choose you, my love. Any day, any time, anywhere. It’s always going to be you, only you,”
You were resisting the urge to break into the cheesiest smile ever, Park Jong Seong was about to be the death of you. “I like you too, big head. If you don’t kiss me now, I might change my mind,”
“You’re going to be the death of me,”
Jay finally closed the space between you and him, pressing his lips on yours feverishly, your honey flavoured melting onto his lips and his cologne swarmed your senses, this was heaven. His hand travelled back to rest on your cheek, while yours was having a field trip travelling up his chest and into his hair, giving a slight tug which resulted in a groan from him. You tilted your head, feeling Jay part his lips and deepening the kiss, his other hand on your waist to pull you much more closer, your body now pressed up against his.
“Y/N,” he mumbled against your lips as you gently pushed him towards your couch.
You hummed in response, feeling his body fall onto the couch with a thud and you followed suit, falling onto his lap, his arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You opened your eyes, pulling away to meet his heavy gaze that was staring back with equal desire.
“Be my girlfriend?” his voice came out in a whisper, but your ears perked up at those three words, a teasing grin pulled at your lips and your hand instinctively reached for his cheek to squeeze, earning a look of annoyance and endearment from him.
“Only if you take me out to dinner first, big head,”
“You’re such a tease,” he chuckled, pressing a haste kiss on the side of your lips and you giggled, brushing the strands of hair from his forehead.
“I’d be crazy to say ‘no’ after all this, you idiot,” you flicked at his forehead, eliciting a sharp hiss and a piercing glare from him, reminding you of a black cat. “So, yes, I’d like to be your girlfriend,”
You watched the man before you smiling wider than the time he won the championship with his team last season, his eyes shining bright and face beaming. Gosh, he was such a dream. One hand cupped your cheek, pinching it softly, “Don’t worry, I’ll treat you like my wife instead,”
You rolled your eyes at his words, deadpanning at him. “You’re too cheesy, Park Jong Seong,”
“And you love me for that.” he said in a sing-song tone before bringing you in for another kiss, this time softer and gentler, as if Jay was scared he would shatter you if he had kissed you too hard.
If you had the choice to stay just like this for the next few hours, you would gladly take it. You were relieved everything was well now, even if it meant Jay's wet pants were staining your couch, but you're sure Minji would understand.
Just as Taylor Swift would say, you believe you were entering your 'Lover' era, and you couldn't wait to be with your hotheaded hockey boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend, with no space.
“SO … YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN INTO ME ALL ALONG?”
It has been a few months since you and Jay made it official together. To top off the unforgettable experience, Minji came home the next day to see you and him cuddling in bed, not missing the chance to get a picture and proceeding to give Jay a humble Ted Talk during breakfast, but it was all good after.
Jay did stick to your request and bring you out for dinner, but Heeseung and Sunghoon unintentionally beat him to it first by dragging you to the buffet they promised before Jay’s fancy dinner night, and he was forced to follow begrudgingly. Breaking the news to Heeseung and Sunghoon was definitely an interesting occurrence, including the usual bro talk and the crazy ship names, but in the end, they were glad you were finally together with Jay and was miles prouder of Jay for finally working up the courage to confess.
Now, here you were, on a Saturday night at Jay’s apartment enjoying a glass of wine, a random rom com in the background as promised of a marathon, and listening to your tipsy boyfriend spill about his first impression of you, which led to him unveiling the part where he laid eyes on you during the hockey game.
“Not always, don’t get ahead of yourself,” Jay cut you off, raising an eyebrow at you. "I still can't believe you called hockey stupid,"
"It was a moment of hatred, okay?" You tapped his chin, swirling the wine glass in your hand. "Now, I'm a big hockey fan,"
"You're stupid,"
You feigned a dramatic gasp, punching his shoulder softly. "You're stupid … stupid,"
"Yes, yes, I am," Jay eventually gave in, closing in and pressing his lips onto yours, tasting the familiar taste of the red wine on your tongue. "I'm so grateful to have you with me, lovely. What would I be doing without you?"
"Fucking other girls?"
"You've ruined the mood,"
You laughed, pressing a kiss on his cheek. "I'm kidding. You would be in a ditch without me,"
"You're not wrong," Jay's thumb was grazing against your lip, his eyes half-lidded, the alcohol in his system overpowering. "God, I love you,"
"I love you more, big head," you said, feeling a swarm of butterflies fluttering wildly in your abdomen. Jay was perfect, too perfect that it intimidated you, but what you didn't know was that he felt the same way about you too. "Are you turning red, Jong Seong?"
"What? Pft, it's the wine," he waved your words off, turning away to hide the obvious that he was becoming a shade of pink and maroon. You snorted at his ridiculousness, pushing his face to face back at you.
"Kiss me again?"
"You make me such a happy man, you know that?" Jay grinned, saying nothing more and pulled you in, abandoning his wine glass.
Jay couldn’t help but smile against your lips, being the happiest man in the entire universe at this moment, because he knew he finally got the girl, his girl, and there was no way he would ever lose you again. Never.
#fic tag! how you get the girl#enhypen imagines#enhypen fanfics#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen fluff#enhypen scenarios#enhypen#enhypen soft hours#enhypen smau#enhypen x reader#enhypen reactions#enhypen drabbles#enhypen headcanons#jay scenarios#jay x reader#jay enhypen#jay imagines#enhypen jay#enhypen jay x you#enhypen jay x reader#enhypen jay imagines#enhypen jay park#park jong seong imagines#park jongseong#jay headcanons#enhypen jay drabbles
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WHB Kings meeting their Obey Me! counterparts
A/N: I try to not pit/compare these two games against each other, but as someone who was into Obey Me! (and still is) and found out about WHB thanks to it, i need to get this out of my system.
⟡ Masterlist ⟡
The scenario is that OM!Solomon messed up some spell and made Obey Me! and What in Hell is bad? universes interconnect and our demon kings get to meet their other version. (I only included those kings that we've already met in WHB - when we get Belphie and Asmo, I might make part 2)
༺☆༻
Lucifer
Their meeting is the calmest and most civilised out of all of them.
They don't really talk outside of formal greeting and some polite small talk
Oh, but on the inside? OM!Lucifer is internally appalled by the amount of skin that's WHB!Lucifer showing
WHB!Lucifer is really wondering who this Diavolo guy is, since OM!Lucifer managed to mention him in their little small talk about ten times
OM!Lucifer excuses himself after some time to go make sure his brothers don't do anything stupid while meeting their counterpart
༺☆༻
Mammon
Oh
Oh no
This can go in two ways: OM!Mammon's ego gets absolutely crushed (there seems to be a pattern with WHB!Mammon) and just doesn't talk at all, just moping around while trying to look intimidating or he tries to get some treasures off WHB!Mammon since they're technically the same guy and he can definitely trust that he won't sell it to repay his debts
In the second case OM!Lucifer storms in and stops any of his attempts
That entertains WHB!Mammon though, and so he does give OM!Mammon some worthless (read: expensive, but not that rare) treasures
That lights up OM!Mammon's eyes and he doesn't shut up about it for the next century
༺☆༻
Leviathan
Well this goes even worse than the Mammons meeting
OM!Leviathan tries to keep his composure, but fails
The envy is strong in this one and some Lovecraftian horrors might get summoned
OM!Leviathan now has more reasons to put himself down, good luck OM!MC with this one
WHB!Leviathan has a hard time believing that that's him from different universe. What went wrong?
But it does make him feel better. He was worried that this other Leviathan would look better than him and beat him at one of the things he's best at
If OM!Lucifer manages to calm OM!Leviathan, they might be able to bond over their use of bathtubs, but no promises
༺☆༻
Beelzebub
WHB!Beelzebub expected a lot, but not this
He's not horny? He just loves to eat food so much he even eats inedible objects like pillars of buildings?
Though, he does now wonder how that tastes
OM!Beelzebub tries to not judge WHB!Beelzebub just based on looks, but can't help himself to see how thin he is. Does he even eat at all?
Also, what are those gemstones and how would they taste?
The huge word 'FEED' on WHB!Beelzebub's coat reminds him that he hasn't eaten in a while
The moment WHB!Beelzebub mentions about his hobby in cooking, OM!Beelzebub is on board and on the way to the nearest kitchen
Interestingly enough, the aphrodisiac effects don't seem to be working on OM!Beelzebub, so he just enjoys the meal, but secretly wishes it was Barbatos' cooking instead
༺☆༻
Satan
'What do you mean Lucifer is your father?'
These two have hard time accepting that they're technically the same demon.
WHB!Satan is disappointed. He expected someone more scary than horned chicken impersonator. What's that boa about? How do you fight angels in that?
OM!Satan tries to stay calm and not loose his temper when WHB!Satan teases his about his clothing. Somehow he manages.
WHB!Satan is surprisingly more talkative than with most demons. They're the same demon after all and therefore they face the same difficulties, no?
OM!Satan is glad to hear that his other self is favored by his people. The pain kink though? He could do without knowing that, really.
༺☆༻
A bonus! ^^
Barbatos
OM!Barbatos is trying to stay as calm and professional as possible, but can't help but wonder what on earth is that noose for
When he finds out it's to show loyalty for his master, he gets calmer
When he finds out that it does actually gets used for hanging, he's back to slight panic mode
WHB!Barbatos doesn't like OM!Barbatos from the beginning. How does one absorb sunlight in so much clothes? No wonder he's so pale and seemingly tired all the time.
All these gloomy colors make him sad. It's almost like this other Barbatos sucked all the color out of the room.
OM!Barbatos is appaled to find out about WHB!Barbatos' interests, but feels intrigued. If the sun ever came up in Devildom, he would try sunbathing, albeit more modestly dressed.
#what in hell is bad#what in “hell” is bad?#obey me#obey me shall we date#whb lucifer#obey me lucifer#whb mammon#obey me mammon#whb leviathan#obey me leviathan#whb beelzebub#obey me beelzebub#whb satan#obey me satan#whb barbatos#obey me barbatos
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harry damn near begging for yn and being needy, mouthing at her neck chest and stomach while she’s trying to read plsss
PLEASE I LOVE THIS SHIT!
Patreon.
-----
Harry was a horny little menace. But god, was he a convincing one.
It had started when he crawled into her cozy little nest in their bed, cooing about how pretty she looked. In her glasses and her hair thrown up in a bun, along with a few pimple patches, she was sure she wasn't at her prime but it always did give her butterflies when he complimented her in her most relaxed, vulnerable state.
When he asked what she was read, she explained the general synopsis of what had happened so far- a royal romance, enemies to lovers-, and he had snuggled closer. Freshly showered, he was shirtless in just in a pair of grey sweats, skin and hair still slightly damp as he rested his head on her shoulder to catch a glimpse of the pages. But his intentions weren't pure.
"Oh? This is one of those dirty books, isn't it?" He cooed. Of course, as fate would have it, he had turned up during one of the smut scenes in the book. He knew she read filth, had an entire collection of smut ridden books, but this time in particular he felt rather smug about catching her.
"They're all dirty books." She drawled, turning the book so he could see better. He had a one track mind though, and turned his face to bury in her neck with a deep exhale. If he was being honest, he had been aching all day. Y/N had teased him slightly over text and he knew coming home that she would be in his shirt, looking so soft and familiar, he simply wanted to bury himself in her and never leave. Getting to see her so warm and relaxed, it did things to him.
"I have a better idea." He murmured into her skin, kissing the smoothness of her neck. "Why don't we have our own fun, hm? Been gone all day, wanting to come home... and you're reading' about other people having sex." He grunted, slipping his hand under her shirt, nosing at her like a needy pup.
"Well, yes." Y/N laughed through her nose. "I do tend to do that. I enjoy reading some tasteful sex scenes. Beautifully written ones. Is that so wrong?"
"Never said it was wrong, sweetness. Just said the obvious. M'home now, you don't need to read about it." His hand found her breast as his kisses moved up towards her jaw, sloppy with his movements and smearing the wet kisses over the curve of it. "You can experience anything y'want with me. M'ready to role-play, even. Just let me into that pretty pussy, and I'll make all those dreams come true, off the paper."
Of course Y/N knew she was fighting a losing battle- one she very clearly wanted to lose, based off of the sudden awareness of him in between her thighs and his fingers gently plucking her nipple. He liked to beg for it a little bit, though, so she sighed. "I dunno, H. This scene is really good. Maybe you'll just have to wait." The tone of her voice sounded serious but they both knew the game. This was part of it.
"Please, baby?" He whined. "Just a taste of it? Or... can let me warm myself inside of you." His teeth nibbled under her ear, a sweet spot he knew would cause damage to her resolve, sucking on the skin. Y/N felt it between her thighs. That familiar pulsing, her clit beginning to swell, her hole beginning to leak. Harry had quite the effect on her every single time, but hearing him beg always did it to her.
"Please, jus' let me make us feel good. Know you love t'be nice and full, can have it stuffed in you in just a few minutes... get you to feel it in your tummy, baby." He pleaded. "Cmon. Can make it so good for you. Missed feeling you wrapped around me all day, didn't get enough of you this morning." A horny thing he really was. "Can't help that you feel so good that I need you all the time, but m'dying for it. Been thinking about it all day long, just let me slide in." He continued with the begging, slipping his hand back down to the band of her panties.
When Y/N didn't tell him off, he slipped his digits between her thighs and let out a strangled moan. "Fuck me, baby. You're dripping." He whimpered. "Please, let me have it. Let me feel you around my cock, babylove. It aches, you're the only way to fix it." He was getting desperate, rubbing against her thigh as his fingers slid up and down her wet slit. "M'begging you, my love. Let me in."
"Okay, baby. Okay." Y/N laughed at his desperation. "You can slip inside, but you can't move until I finish this chapter." Harry didn't need further instruction, slipping his pants off and tugging her panties to the side with impatience. It took him but a few seconds to do it, spreading her legs open as he turned her on her side so he was spooning her from behind and letting himself in. Slowly pressing the ruddy, leaking tip of his cock through the soaked folds of her puffy cunt and finding her hole, notching against it before pressing inside.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you." His whimper was vibrated against her ear, making her clench slightly around him. He was truly desperate for it, letting her stretch as he sunk in inch by inch and rested his head against her cheek, hand going back up her shirt. "I'll be good. Promise."
#jarofstyles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles one shot#harry styles fanfic#harry styles smut#harry writing#harry styles imagine#harry drabble#harry styles blurb#harry styles writing#harry styles fic#harry styles au#harry styles smut writing#harry styles fluff#harry styles angst#harry styles fanfics#harry smut#harry angst#harry fluff#jarofstyles concept
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Dearest older brother...?
Notes: woke up from my nap and wrote this off the top of my head. Some of this is based off my own personal experiences. Not proofread.
Content to be found: 100% PLATONIC, implied bpd and ocd if you squint, unhealthy sibling dynamics (lmk if there's more I should add)
You remember asking Sunday that question all too well. And boy, how did you regret it.
“Is it ok if I call you… big brother now?”
You so desperately wanted to have a caring family, siblings, but younger naive you clung to the wrong brotherly figure.
He and Robin had such a tight bond, and you, being an only child, envied them. So when you were invited to playdates, you enjoyed every second being with them.
The fond memories of you and Sunday supporting Robin's dreams. Sneaking into the kitchen to grab snacks without getting caught. You three grew so close, you practically were their third sibling.
But happiness doesn't last long. The more you all grew up and followed different paths, the more distant you guys became. Of course, there are still attempts to meet up, but it was difficult. Most of the time, you were left behind with Sunday, the man you called big brother.
Could you really call him that anymore though? He made little effort to keep ties with you. Check in on you. You understand that him and Robin obviously had a closer bond. Therefore, he'd pay more attention to her, but you? It's like he was trying to erase you from his life.
No. That's not right. He distances himself from you and lets you fall into loneliness. Yes, that's true. But then why does he keep coming back every time you're at your breaking point?
“What's wrong? You can always tell me anything. I am your big brother, after all.”
It's the same thing every time.
He asks you what's wrong. You break down. He consoles you. Then leaves and the cycle repeats. And every time you refuse to talk, he'll manipulate your emotions to speak and cause you to break down even more.
Why would a big brother do this to his younger sibling?
You couldn't take the emotional hurt anymore. It's like he just sees this as a game. He always uses the big brother card on you knowing it's your weakness.
Things get worse though. Of course they do.
You caught news that Robin has been found dead. That can't be right. It can't. You loved Robin as if she were your actual sister. Why did she die??
So here you are. Walking to the estate where Sunday should be. Why are you even going to him? You should be distancing yourself and be grieving alone. As much as he emotionally hurts you, you still care about him. As much as he abandons you, you always come back.
As soon as you make it through his office doors, someone aggressively grabs you by the shoulders and backs you up to the nearest wall.
It's Sunday.
He's shaking, breathing hard, clearly angry, but hurt above all. He rests his head on your shoulder, still holding you but with less force.
You've never seen him like this before. In the past, you'd occasionally see tiny outbursts when he couldn't get things the way he wanted, but he never displayed this much emotion near you.
“...Don't leave me too” he said in a shaky voice, but you couldn't catch that. All you could hear was your heartbeat from the adrenaline of suddenly being forced against a wall.
Out of genuine care you still held for him, you embraced him. He stiffened up but soon accepted it.
No matter how much you regretted ever calling him big brother, no matter how much it hurt when he abandoned you, you couldn't find it within your heart to leave and move on.
Comforting him was clearly a mistake. For out of fear he'd lose his only other sibling, he imprisoned you in a spare room in his estate.
He still had to keep up appearances so you'd constantly be left alone repeatedly. The cycle repeats itself again. He'll come back home and comfort you for leaving you alone for so long, then leave again for a long period of time.
You'd never escape. You had so many insecurities and were so emotionally constipated. Sunday made things worse. He just had to keep you somewhere where he knew he couldn't lose track of you and possibly lose you just like Robin.
You still loved him. You always would. And he in return would offer you the type of love you never got from your actual family, even if it was just for a bit.
To you, he was your beloved older brother no matter what.
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Whenever I complain about graphic or dark content in media I watch, I keep hearing people retort with this apparently very popular opinion that people who enjoy comfy, wholesome things are actually more likely to be raging assholes than people who love things like death metal and gore. As someone who seems to enjoy comfy, wholesome things yourself and likely met many others who enjoy similar such things, do you agree with this opinion? If so, why do you think this happens?
So I've been sitting on this ask for like a week, not knowing whether or not I wanted to touch it because it kind of feels like being handed a live grenade
For one, I don't like being pigeonholed as someone who just likes "comfy" or "wholesome" things. Yeah, I enjoy My Little Pony and Animal Crossing. I made a game with cute furry characters and lots of bright colors. I also enjoy things like Berserk and Chainsaw Man and Doom and violent crime dramas and punk rock with vulgar lyrics and porn. Variety is the spice of life
Anyway: I generally don't think it's a good idea to make sweeping statements about peoples' moral or intellectual character based on what genres of story they enjoy, regardless of what direction you're coming at it from. But this is a very leading question that kind of skirts around the root problems
There's frequent (perhaps a bit exaggerated) pushback these days against people who prefer their fiction to be a warm blanket, a form of escapism meant to distract you from the real world. In particular, the dreaded "person who only watches kids' cartoons" is a form of this that gets brought up a lot. I don't think the root problem here is what media people enjoy or don't personally enjoy - taste is subjective, and I don't think it's a moral obligation for everyone to have diverse tastes in TV shows - but I do think some folks should try to get out of their comfort zone a bit more. Sometimes stuff that seems like it won't be for you on a surface level will really end up speaking to you, but you won't know until you give it a shot. Trust me, I've been there many times
It becomes a problem when people demand that media ONLY cater to that "warm blanket" attitude. And I think that's part of the reason why that stereotype you mentioned about fans of ""wholesome""" media being assholes exists. People who view dark or violent content as an inherent flaw because it's not what they like. People who yell at creators when they make bad things happen in their stories, because how dare you do this to my comfort characters? People who say movies should never have sex scenes. People who want "problematic" moral complexity stripped out in favor of black and white moral instruction. People who seem to hate any sort of interpersonal conflict in fiction at all
These attitudes can be the result of many different cultural factors, factors that can't all be traced back to Tumblr or what shows you like, but sometimes it's definitely because of that lack of broader perspective on media. You can tell when someone's opinions on The Right And Wrong Ways To Write Fiction were shaped almost entirely by, like, Steven Universe discourse. (Yes, this is a jab at Lily Orchard.) And when these people are very loud about their opinions, well, it becomes a trend people notice
Like. I don't know you. You sent this anonymously. But when you say you "complain about graphic or dark content in media you watch"... that could mean a few wildly different things! Maybe you're just venting about something that unexpectedly triggered you, and that's totally fine. But the wording could also imply that, like, you take issue with these things being present at all, and that you expect a person who likes "death metal and gore" to be more of a "raging asshole" than someone who likes the "wholesome" things you like. So... well, maybe you're more dismissive or judgmental of things outside your comfort zone than you realize?
Unfortunately, in case it's not already obvious, on the internet this shit quickly becomes a proxy battle over dozens of intersecting cultural issues at once where everyone is kinda just talking past each other. So it gets messy
For example, I have no reason to believe that the people who run the "Wholesome Games" showcases have anything against games that are dark or violent or contain adult themes. (They've outright said they don't. Many times!) But when you see people going "why is Spiritfarer allowed in the showcase? That's a game about DEATH and that's NOT WHOLESOME, why would you make me think about death?" or "Ugh, why does Disco Elysium have to be about a cop? Why can't we apply these systems to a game about a young witch who's trying to find a lost cat in an idyllic village instead?" it... Well, it makes me sympathetic towards the indies who don't feel comfortable with the "Wholesome Games" label and consider it limiting. But it also doesn't make me think that devs catering to a demand for more chill, nonviolent video games are categorically facilitating fascist censorship from the Christian right
It's complicated! The written word is imprecise and the internet is a nightmare
I've kind of gone off on multiple tangents here. Basically: I do think that people can kinda turn fans of "comfy" media or "adults who only watch Bluey" into an overblown boogeyman these days. I think people online generally have a habit of swinging too hard in one direction or another in their stances on certain things, overcompensating based on what group of people online are currently annoying them the most and turning said group into like The Main Problem With Society Today. But I also think that boogeyman only exists because of very real examples of people demanding that everything cater to their narrow comfort zone. Go like what you like, but also, y'know. Don't be that person
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Hi Jay. Not wanting to sound mean, but I really think it must be commented and that there's no softer way of doing that: the company's statement of Thunder Junction being an inhabitated plane prior to MoM is not a honest way of capitalizing on a sellable trope without touching its uncomfortable issues. It's even disrespectful. They have done it in a less flagrant way with Kaladesh and both Ixalan iterations, but now they've gotten too far with Thunder Junction. Colonialism is too big an issue to simply being put under the carpet as it never existed and we could just enjoy the sunny part of the history. I really hope Hasbro as a company acknowledges this and changes its way of dealing with the theme. Thanks for letting me pointing this.
Look, you caught me on a bad day, so I'm going to be as polite as possible but let's start with the foundation that this is not a complaint to direct at me. I have no control over any of this. Mark Rosewater exists and takes feedback on Tumblr.
But, let's talk about it, because I've seen some folks take this to extremes.
First off, I've seen a lot of well meaning folks speaking up on behalf of hypothetical indigenous americans, but I'd love to get takes from folks this actually impacts. I'd love for Wizards to post something about their work with cultural consultants, for sure. But the only actual thing I've seen so far is a great story from Magic's first indigenous american author. And when you're speaking on someone else's behalf, you tend to miss things. Like, Kaladesh is not the great representation of south asian culture that you might think when you jumped to it, and it's okay if you didn't know that, but it sort of proves the point that it's very difficult to actually protest on someone else's behalf. And I just haven't heard from anyone who has also mentioned they speak from authority or are impacted by this. That doesn't mean you're wrong, necessarily.
But here's the thing. Thunder Junction isn't history. It takes cues from the American West, sure, but it's a fake world. And sometimes it's okay for a fake world to ignore the bad things that happens in real life and create something more aspirational. Magic does this all the time. Magic doesn't have homophobia, but that isn't really realistic or representative of the real world, is it?
No one, and I mean literally no one, came to me and said that people of color needed to be ostracized and not allowed to work alongside the white people in the demon mob families of New Capenna. That racism was real, it was systemic, and it was violent. But did it need to be tackled in a fantasy crime drama based on america in the 20s? Should it have been? I don't think anyone would have enjoyed it as much. Sometimes it's just fun to play gangster.
Similarly, the colonization and manifest destiny that was the reality of the American West was tragic, but does that need to be our only depiction of indigenous peoples - being colonized? If they were erased completely from the narrative, that would be awful, but can't they just have fun being cool thunder slingers? The Atiin were developed with a consultant, and if you want answers ask Wizards to talk about it.
There's a reason the Oltec were depicted as being sealed off from the Immortal Sun drama that had happened on the surface. To have an aspirational mesoamerican culture that wasn't affected by the Dusk Legion and Azor and all that.
To put it in another perspective, does every period piece featuring black americans need to feature systemic racism to be respectful? Is Bridgerton disrespectful (I mean probably but not for that reason)?
The reason I've framed a lot of this as questions is because I don't necessarily think I know the right answer, especially not for a fantasy card game. I've worked with tribal governments in my emergency management career and spent a week on the Navajo Nation, and talked a lot about perspective on things, and I would not presume to know what the right answer to all of this is.
Edit: to be clear, Could it have been handled better? Probably. I will never deny that. But also it’s a complicated and fraught topic and I’d love to hear from the people wizards contracted who actually know what they’re talking about.
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Long-Distance date/bonding ideas I've learned while making it work with my femme
Streamed Movie Night: Discord has a function that let's you stream video and gaming alike! I'd recommend Nitro because otherwise stream quality is gonna SUCK (and you need to do some weird fiddling to get services like Netflix to work) but you can enjoy movie night with your boo
Tabletop Simulator: If you both have about $20, and a computer with even a low budget graphics processor, this program is invaluable. The base games are neat but the real trove is in the Steam Workshop. Mod makers upload hundreds of boardgames from Catan to Azul to outright heavy ones like D&D and Warhammer. My femme and I now have a weekly boardgame night (she actively challenges me at strategy games and it makes me so happy to have a partner that does 🥰)
Coffee shop dates: Go to a place where the shop has wifi (or you have a really good data plan with your phone), pop your headphones in, and just video call. I promise you, there will be more people there who find it sweet than those who find it weird.
Spotify Jam Sessions: I don't know about other music apps, but we both have spotify and it now has a function that let's you invite others to a shared listening session. Music is really important to both my femme and myself, and the ability for us to literally listen at the same time and talk about the music is truly quite lovely.
Parallel crafting time: Admittedly, I'm Neurodivergent as hell, and parallel play baseline is big for me. But pop on a videocall and make some crafts together. Bonus points if you get similar materials and share what you've made together
Call every night: no seriously, even if you both are busy the entire day and can't talk, call for at least a half hour or so to round your day off. That lack of certain forms of intimacy means you need to be really on top of other forms. On top of affirming love for one another. If you're trying to make long distance work long term, calling to just. Be with eachother is so important.
Schedule Time: As an extension of the above, just because you're calling every day, doesn't mean ensuring you have dedicated time for eachother isn't important. I'm talking like. An afternoon/evening once a week type thing. Be together for a long period of time while you can't be physically together.
Technology has honestly made what I always thought impossible for myself feel possible. The advent of videocalling my femme every day helps so much of the potential pitfalls that could have happened, and the best part is its more or less free (I pay for discord nitro but I digress). Don't get me wrong I'm having my hard days still. The inability to hold her when I want to take care of her is particularly bad. I show care and love through things like physical touch and food so much. But getting creative, and being consistent have really made this feel possible and sustainable until we get to the "next stages" bridge.
If you have ideas you found fun/helpful please toss em in the replies, tags, etc. Always open to more date ideas with my girl 💕
#we also do regular check ins but honestly you should be doing that IRL too#oh vampling... 💕#long distance#long distance relationship#bite me#lesbian#butch#sapphic#butch/femme
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Astarion has been breaking my poor heart.
This post will contain spoilers for the game and Astarion's romance/backstory. Before anyone comes at me, I want to say that you are the main character, you are supposed to change the fates and behaviours of your characters, especially if you are romancing them. It's a video game, that's kind of the point.
This post is extremely long and I apologise.
This analysis is based off my playthrough.
(*) means check notes at the bottom of the post.
I wasn't expecting to like him as much as I do. Don't get me wrong, I really liked him during EA and I thought he was funny, charming, flirty with a dark past and all that was just a means to cover his trauma but since the full game has come out and we've gotten to know more of him, it truly breaks my heart to see and know what he has been through. My sister and I were watching his reactions to be being rejected, being told that Tav only wants sex and forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do, it is truly heart-wrenching.
Many people expected Astarion to be this "I am so sexual and my romance will mostly be sex, also I will betray you the first chance I get." and it couldn't be further from the truth. Astarion is extremely loyal, and yes he has that air of flambouncy to him, will often make japes and say evil things but most of the time, it is just a facade. It's his shield in a way, he has been treated with utter cruelty for two hundred years of his life and now that he finally has some control over himself, he doesn't wish to be hurt again.
I don't think Astarion is ever completely evil, even in the beginning. He just wants to have fun and enjoy life after so many years of slavery. He likes it when you are snarky, say mean shit to people for fun but, he doesn't like to see innocents get hurt, and he doesn't support fighting for people who don't fight for themselves. Yes, he will support some of your evil decisions but they will lead to a bad ending, for you and your characters. It'll make Astarion wallow more in his greed and he'll lose the little humanity he has left. He doesn't really have a clear sense of direction in the beginning of the game as he's just found freedom and obviously wants to live life to the fullest, being evil comes naturally to him, it's instinct as its what he's been doing for two centuries.
This is my assumption since we don't know his actual age but since he's an elf who was well-respected in society, had a pretty prestigious job and was rich enough to be corrupt. I'd assume he was at least 70-100 years old before he was turned into a spawn. (EDIT - in a recent post by @deluxetrashqueen I saw the translation of the dates of birth and death on his tombstone:
"Astarion Ancunin
229-268 DR" to which he adds, "458DR - "
which shows that he was only 39 at the time of his death, which explains his emotional immaturity for an elf.) My point being, I believe he has been a spawn for longer than he's ever been a regular person. He has spent the longer part of his life doing evil things for an evil man, that was what his life was on a daily basis with Cazador. And his former work experience probably helped, he likely learnt pretty quick how much he took for granted as a living person and the harshness of his master, peers and people he seduced made him harsh and unforgiving in return.
Once you start getting close to him, you start to learn that he is only mean to people because of how life has treated him. In his romance, he says "no one ever looked out for me, no one ever said a kind word to me. You're the only one, no one is like that." Astarion starts to see, because of you that there is kindness in the world, and he finds kindness in you. Especially after his quest, as much as he'd hate to admit it, he also sees friends in your other companions as they do in him. By the end of Act 2, he starts to get more soft towards you and the decisions you make, often even disapproving of evil decisions. People often tend to forget that a lot of Astarion's evil personality is a front, it is not who he truly is.
These points will be better explained individually so I will talk about some themes.
Power: power plays a big part in his entire storyline. In the beginning, he wants to harness the powers of the tadpole to become powerful and at first, you think that it's simply because he's an evil character and he wants power for the sake of having it. Then later, he wishes to take over the power of the ascendant but mostly only to spite Cazador and take something important from him, not fully realising the true power of the rite.
As he slowly starts opening up to you, he tells you "the mind flayers tore me from that place" and you realise that its the tadpole that let's him walk in the sun, do things a vampire or spawn would never be able to, you learn that he hates being a vampire because he can't even remember what he looks like. He seeks power outside because he has had no power over himself for about two centuries, he thinks that having this power will fulfill his needs but it won't, we know it won't because in truth he only needs to reclaim his autonomy, physical and mental. Of course Astarion would never truly admit to this for a long while, even when he's romanced. I personally really love his good romance arc where he doesn't have sex with you, not because he dislikes you or doesn't want you but because, as he says "any kind of intimacy was something I performed to lure people back for him. While I know things between us are different... being with someone still feels tainted. It brings up all those feelings of disgust and loathing." He has spent 200 years or so bowing to Cazador's whims, done things to people he didn't want to do and I assume since it's heavily hinted at, were very sexual in nature. In a relationship, he simply wants to be seen as a person and I think that's really sad because that's how low the bar is for him.
In the ending of his quest, you can persuade him and tell him that going forth with the ritual won't set him free even if he thinks it will and I agree. If he's a slave to Cazador now, later he'd be a slave to power and greed. Just look at Cazador, despite being one of the most powerful beings in existence, he still wanted more power. That kind of greed and hunger never ends and Astarion would lose himself and who he has become while he was with us. Yes, it makes him walk in the sun again and do things a regular vampire can't but at what cost? 7,000 lives and his humanity. He would never be able to enjoy this "freedom" because he'll only strive to seek more power. In his ascendant ending, he becomes everything he's ever hated about Cazador, the cycle repeats itself, from Vellioth to Cazador and from Cazador to Astarion. And it will never end. Astarion even refuses to turn you into a vampire and wishes to keep you only as a spawn. With an insight check, you can learn that he thinks you're degrading yourself and he doesn't care. He now sees you as something to own, something to possess, not love. All his good qualities, wants and needs get twisted. Astarion truly only needs to feel like a person again but he doesn't fully realise this until you show it to him, through good deeds and actions, through simple acts of kindness. As he says in his "good" ending "I've been dead in the ground enough. It's time to try living again. With all that life has to offer."
Safety: Astarion wants to feel safe. He is so scared of being found by Cazador, he knows he's looking for him and the only thing giving him some form of safety from Cazador is the tadpole so of course he wants to harness its powers that is until he finds out it'll turn him into another kind of monster, a mind flayer. He doesn't wish to lose himself and his freedom again hence is vehemently against taking on the tadpole's powers but he doesn't stop you because that is of course, your decision to make. He says "if such power would please you, darling, I won't stop you. But do be careful, I want you to remain you." Now the only thing left that can properly give him his freedom is Cazador's death and he wants to kill him himself which I think is perfectly acceptable, Cazador deserves to die and if it is by Astarion's hands, all the better. But, in his romance, he makes it clear that he's doing it for safety, and he tells himself that he wants to take the power of the rite for safety as well because in truth, he is terrified of being powerless again. He does want revenge yes, but he also wants to keep you and himself safe from Cazador, even in the dungeon, if you run an insight check, the narrator tells you that he is losing his mind because of the power that's on offer and the smell of blood in the air. It's almost as if to say "he's losing his mind, please stop him before he forgets who he is." Astarion NEEDS your guidance*, eventually he even thanks you for 'saving him from himself.' In his good ending, he sees that in taking the power, he would be no better than Cazador and would become everything he's ever hated about him, and inflict on others what his former master inflicted on him, starting with you. His ascendant ending is honestly a very sad ending for his character, all that growth, change and development you bring to him throughout your journey just gone down the drain as he becomes an unfeeling, evil, narcissistic arsehole who only craves for more power. In his good ending, he will be safe, with you and with the friends he has made along the way. He is proud of himself and so is everyone else, it offers him a kind of friendship that's afforded to very few in the D&D world, especially a vampire/spawn whose very existence is hated. It is a bond based on trust, loyalty and to a degree, even love instead of fear like in the ascendant ending.
Abandonment and Fear: Astarion is driven by fear but he also knows facing Cazador is inevitable and something he needs to face rather than avoid. Even if he isn't outright seeking it (but he does seek it) I think he is braver than he likes to think and he definitely has some anti-hero traits. He likes the tadpole because it helped him get away from Cazador's authority and he enjoys bending others to his will since it makes him feel more powerful compared to how he's felt the past two centuries. But if you choose to not do the same, he doesn't really care. He doesn't except it of you nor is he disappointed (since he neither approves or disapproves. He only disapproves helping people who didn't ask or didn't want to be helped) he only gives a snarky comment or two about what he would've done instead and follows you anyway. He realises you're a good person. If you indulge too much however, I would argue that he agrees simply because he doesn't want you to turn against him. Perhaps he believes that you can turn on him and kill him as easily as you killed the tieflings or other innocents. He probably thinks it's easier to turn a good person evil than an evil person, good (tbh he wouldn't be entirely wrong.) And making bad choices does negatively affect his character of course but I just thought I'd put that out there as I think it's very likely for him to do so. He is definitely extremely paranoid, he hardly ever says how he truly feels out loud but when you break up with him (it's so heartbreaking omg) he says "I was beginning to think someone truly wanted me. I shouldn't have deluded myself." and "From the start, I was rather counting the hours until it was going to end. Midnight chimes, eh?" As heartbreaking as it is, the latter line shows how terrified he was of being abandoned or only be used for his body, he kept obessesively worrying that Tav would leave him after he bore his heart out to them. There's another bit of dialogue in Act 1 where he is trying his lines with you to get you to sleep with him a second time and you can say no which he is fine with but if you outright reject him there, meaning "I never want to see you like that again" he gets extremely sad: "Well, excuse me while I die of a broken heart. [slight chuckle] In all honesty, it's a shame. That time was special to me. I've gotten on my back 10,000 times or more and forgotten half of them. But you, I'll remember. [long pause] Have a fine evening... dear." Mind you, this is after you've only slept with him once. His dialogue makes it seem like he was already catching feelings for you, and not realising that himself until this happens. Seeing this made me realise that you're the first person he's slept with of his own volition, even if it was to seduce you. For the longest time, I think Astarion doesn't even want to believe you'll like him as something more than someone to sleep with, he hopes you might as his rejection line says so but astarion is nothing if not careful and well, paranoid.
That's why he's so shocked when you choose to not let him bite Araj at Moonrise even if it gave you something powerful in return. He sees that you chose his comfort over a genuinely useful commodity. Biting people or using his vampire, well, anything makes him extremely uncomfortable since it reminds him of things he needed to do for Cazador. If he bites her, it makes him feel like being a slave again, but bending to your will and wishes instead of his former master's. He realises he doesn't know how to say no. Which is another thing he says if you wish to pursue only a sexual relationship with him. He feels played.
Freedom: this is probably the main theme to his character arc. He wants to be free, not only from his master but also free to make right decisions and make decisions for himself, something he hasn't been able to do for years. This is why respecting his decision to not sleep with you is important to him, he doesn't feel comfortable being physically close to someone in a sexual way as it makes him doubt the person's true intentions and feelings and of course, makes him feel loathsome and disgusted with himself. He needs that time where you just connect as people to really see that you are in fact genuine and he wouldn't be hurt if he trusted you or gave you his heart. Towards the end of the game, he is still quite ruthless, but mostly only towards people who do wrong and are criminals. Astarion has a very strong set of ideals, he believes that people who do wrong deserve to die no matter the crime. I don't think this is entirely true, every crime deserves a different punishment but most criminals, those who do severe wrong and still get away with it, do deserve to die but this is just my opinion of course. He is ruthless towards bad people because that's how people have been to him, at least Cazador and I wouldn't be surprised if he was treated badly during his sexual encounters with strangers while working for him.
Why I think the Ascendant ending is a tragic ending for Astarion's character and for you.
I won't lie, there are some aspects of ascended Astarion that are pretty hot and I'm a sucker for (pun absolutely intended) powerful, gothic vampires but this ending comes at the cost of way too much. One simply being: Astarion isn't Astarion anymore. All his snarkiness, playful nature and strange innocence is gone. In his ascendant ending, that is, when he takes the power of the Rite of Ascension for himself by carving the same rune on Cazador's back that's on his own, Astarion loses himself. In D&D lore, full vampires are unfeeling, ruthless and have all their good traits twisted into something more malignant and evil. If Astarion loved you, that love turns into possession, if he cared for you, it turns into obsession. He doesn't truly care anymore... as a vampire, he is manipulating you and telling you things you want to hear instead of what he's actually feeling. He never truly got that moment of catharsis by killing Cazador as he does in his spawn ending. That simple bliss of killing the man that enslaved him and worse all these years; he never gets to experience that because he ends up using Cazador for the same power Cazador killed Vellioth for in the past, albeit worse. It's a never-ending cycle. And if he turns you into his spawn, you will go through the same fate Astarion went through and probably turn on him the same way he turned on Cazador. He has absolutely no sympathy for you or for anyone that is not him, in fact he feels almost disgusted by you because he thinks you're degrading yourself in front of him. There is a conversation between him and if you refuse to become his spawn, and I think it sums up his character perfectly as a vampire, it goes like this:
(choosing different options will have different dialogues but they more or less lead to him saying the same thing.)
ASTARION: Just so you know, I have everything I've ever wanted. Everything lies ahead. I can see my path to a waking dream. From the Crimson Palace, I will govern day and night. Create a city of spawn who bow before me, cast a fog over the world for my children.
TAV: But the Palace halls will be lonely.
ASTARION: You'll be lonelier than I. Very soon I will discover how to call my legions of wolves, become a sea of mist, run wrongside-up on roofs. [laughs] Everything vampires do best.
You could have, too. [sniggers] What a waste.
TAV: You don't really have anything at all.
ASTARION: I can take anything I want. I should've made you a spawn just to teach you that.
And there we have it, that last bit of dialogue shows how Astarion is now everything he hated about his own master. He is Cazador's literal and spiritual successor, he thinks you need to be punished for rejecting him. He doesn't feel for you anymore, at least not in a human way. He has become someone else entirely, for the worst. His drive for taking the power of the rite was to be able to walk in the sun again but as a full vampire, he wants to "dominate it (the world) until the sun melts and give ourselves over to the night."
Astarion NEEDS change, he needs to see that the world can be a kinder place than the one he's lived in this whole time. Just a bit of care and love with him goes a long way. In his spawn ending, he comes to realise that you gave him his life back even if it was as a spawn because that is true freedom. He is free from his master, and greed & power which was in the disguise of safety. He may never be able to walk in the sun, but he is free to make his own decisions that are driven by his choices. One of them being; wanting and loving you, living a full life with you, whatever that may entail.
If you went into the game thinking that Astarion will betray you no matter what then giving him the ascendant ending brings your fears to life. Astarion doesn't learn anything, by making him a full vampire, you basically tell him that he can only be powerful and worth something if he has super vampire powers, and in turn, you lose everything too. Astarion may have gained unparralled strength but now he has no need of you, you gave him everything he wanted and nothing he needed so now he can do whatever he wants with you because you are lesser than him, literally, he is much stronger than you are and his power will only grow as he discovers more of it. He tries to manipulate you into turning you into a spawn. A dialogue being:
TAV: After everything you went through with Cazador, you're going to make me a spawn?
ASTARION: Oh that was completely different, I'd never hurt you. I love you. That's what you've been waiting to hear, isn't it? That's what you want?
Which just shows you how he's only saying "I love you" because that's what you want to hear, so you agree to becoming his spawn. He doesn't mean it, it doesn't really have any feeling behind it whatsoever. And if he turns you into a spawn, you have basically lost everything. Because he is obsessive over you, he'll never let you go and since now he is properly evil, he likely won't turn you into a vampire either, even if he says he will.
This is just my take on the ending though, I think we can all agree the ascendant ending is the evil ending for his character, even if it is an ending you prefer. I'm not trying to hate on anyone who does like this ending, only stating that I think it is meant to be evil and I personally don't like it.
CONCLUSION
Once you get to truly know Astarion, he's a pretty decent guy. I can't speak much for people who didn't romance him, I'm not entirely sure how his non-romance route plays out. The good conclusion of his quest is so wholesome, where he says he feels "truly, honestly free" and tells you "you saved me from myself. This is a gift, you know, thank you. I won't forget it." getting full circle to the first time you let him bite you (the only time in my case.) It shows so much character development and pure joy in the way he thanks you (it doesn't need to be said but props to Neil Newbon for bringing the character to life.) He will always be a spawn and yet, he feels like "anything and everything is possible" because of you and the choices you made with him, you believed in him when he didn't believe in himself, you showed him that he is enough just the way he is and he doesn't need to become a full vampire to be strong and powerful. Astarion comes out of his finale, a much more positive person, who actually cares even if he won't show it and the best part is, he always keeps that tiny streak of evil and mischief within him. He hasn't lost sight of himself, he's just less spiteful now and feels free to actually enjoy life rather than constantly being scared of what might happen to him. He finds trust and happiness in you and it makes him happy that you find the same within him. You are his home and he hopes he is yours.
I understand that my analysis may not be perfect and my interpretation of the character may be different from someone else's but that's fine, he is a video game character that can be played so many ways and people can go around it however they like, interpret his character however they wish. This is just what I think.
NOTES
'Astarion needs your guidance.' - no, this is not gaslight-y. Astarion is a deeply troubled character and clearly finds it hard to differentiate between right and wrong. He often asks for your input and what you think by Act 2 which isn't a bad thing, he's asking for help and I think that shows how far he's come. In the final scene of his quest, he is overcome by the promise of power and the safety it would've provided which would've consumed him as it did Cazador, Astarion admits to this himself too later on once he can think clearly and is in a more positive mindset. There is nothing wrong with guiding your partner towards something that will eventually be better for their growth as a person in the long run.
#astarion analysis#forgotten realms#astarion and tav#astarion x tav#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate#astarion bg3#bg3 astarion#astarion baldur's gate 3#astarion baldurs gate#astarion x mc#tav x astarion#astarion romance#bg3#astarion#astarion baldur's gate
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Hear Me Out
They try hint at their crush on you
Ft. Arlecchino, Capitano, Childe, Dottore, Pantalone
Arlecchino:
She does it from the moment she confirms that her feelings for you are genuine and not just some passing fancy
Which means she's very serious about it and does take slight offence that you're not responding accordingly
Do you not like her back? Are you ignoring her hints to avoid hurting her feelings?
The definition of "please reject me so I can move on"
Is it because you heard the orphans calling her "mum" and got the wrong idea?
Please she's dying to know, she's been bringing you flowers like every other day
Lends you her jacket and hopes you forget to return it so she has an excuse to see you again
Columbina awkwardly patting her back when she stares into empty space in agony when you brush off yet another of her flirting attempts as being friendly
At some point she does ask you to just outright reject her so she can move on
Lowkey wants to go apeshit when she finds out you actually like her too and were just too nervous to flirt back
Capitano:
He has a good rep, so he hopes that improves his dateability in your eyes
He'll bring you cute trinkets he comes across from wherever he goes!!
Would also keep a matching piece for himself so he can imagine that y'all are dating
Also has someone help him take pictures of him should he ever go anywhere scenic and have it made into a sort of postcard for you
He wonders if you ever end up looking at him instead of the view (he hopes you do)
He subtly sneaks glances at you, but not so subtle so that there's a chance you'll catch him and possibly tell him that you're into him too
Ok in all honesty his flirting game probably sucks ass and he'd probably tell you your eyes are like his dog's as a compliment
Please just give him a chance his colleagues are getting sick of his silent brooding when you don't notice how he polished his helmet extra shiny just for you
Childe:
The most obvious of them all please he's clinging to you like he's obsessed
So many terrible jokes that aren't even jokes
"Wouldn't it be funny if we kissed- no? Not even once? Ok haha, no I'm not upset I was kidding."
Unlike Arlecchino, he knows rejection isn't going to make him move on
So he hovers like a dog off the streets that just picked you as its new master
Makes a point to tell you everything he succeeds at, even if it's mundane
Stuff like "hey I made really good waffles, I could cook for you y'know?" Or "Yeah I fixed that door all on my own I'm really handy around the house."
Like Capitano, he brings you trinkets
Unlike Capitano, they aren't always wholesome and may come from the people and monsters he beat up/killed
Brings them to you like a cat presenting their hunt
Dottore:
Makes synthetic human parts that are as identical to yours as possible and compliment them in front of you without telling you they're based on you
"What do you think about these eyes?"
"...yes, they're very...eye-like?"
"They're a lovely pair of eyes, wouldn't you agree? Look at how they-"
Yes, he absolutely will point out how they function to you. Yes, he thinks he's being romantic
So he doesn't get why you don't seem to catch on that he's into you
Did you not realise those were your organs he complimented?
In a way it gives him some weird satisfaction that he knows you more intimately than even you
But he does want you to realise eventually
So he'll walk up behind you under the guise of "monitoring your work" and inhale your scent like the lunatic he is (another trait of yours he'll make sure to remember)
Pantalone:
Isn't it obvious? He spoils you
He lets you use his wallet like a subscription trial
Enjoy it? Consider dating him to extend the privilege duration
He makes it very clear cut to you: he's into you, and he'll take care of you for as long as you're his beloved
He also makes his interest in you very clear to everyone else, so chances are, there's no one else who's dare approach you unless it's another harbinger
And be very clear on this: once you say yes to him, there's no backing out
Even before you start dating, he acts as though you already are
He wouldn't pressure you into anything you're uncomfortable with, but expect an arm around your waist to hold you close to him
Like I said, very clear cut, there's no way you could mistake his affection
Taglist[send an ask to be added/removed]: @myluvkeiji @pluvioseprince @aqui-soba @favonius-captain @tiredsleep @raincxtter @loverofthe-stars @gensimping-for-all @irethepotato @almond-adeptus @mx-kamisato @yuzuricebun @chaosinanutshell @heizours @codename-hiraeth @andreiling01 @callmemeelah @sadlonelybagel @plinkuro @thevictoriousmoon @mastering-procrastinating @ineshapanda
#genshin#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#arlecchino#capitano#childe#tartaglia#dottore#pantalone#regrator#capitano x reader#childe x reader#tartaglia x reader#dottore x reader#pantalone x reader#regrator x reader#genshin arlecchino#arlecchino x reader#genshin capitano#genshin dottore#genshin childe#genshin tartaglia#genshin pantalone#genshin regrator#winery specials
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All TTRPGs are "Narrative-Focused."
I feel like I have got to remind TTRPG players (and even worse, remind TTRPG designers) that “story” and “narrative” are happening the entire time they’re playing no matter what.
There is no such thing as "Roleplay vs Rollplay," it's always roleplay and it's always narrative, whether you are rolling the dice or not.
“Crunch” and "combat' is not “when there’s no story or narrative just a bunch of boring numbers” and “fluff” is not “the time that the boring numbers step aside and let there be an actual narrative.”
“Crunch” is when the rules and/or the dice influence the story or narrative in some way, and “fluff” is when a player (including the game master) has to come up with a part of the story or narrative without any mechanical scaffolding supporting its emergence.
This isn’t a factor of just combat, but combat tends to be what people say this about the most. It’s not “combat vs roleplay”, or "roleplay vs rollplay", combat is roleplay, combat is part of the story.
There is no-such thing as a "more narratively focused TTRPG", all TTRPGs are equally narrative-focused, you just might not be recognizing the narrative because it isn't the narrative you're trying to tell. Even combat-focused games like D&D5e are telling a narrative story, it's just a narrative story about larger-than-life heroes who get into lots and lots of fights. All of those crunchy numbers on the character sheet are "roleplay mechanics." The Fighter's role is to engage the enemy head-on, the Rogue's role is to sneak around an attack the enemy from behind. That is their role in battle and that is their role in the story, because the story is about a group of battling battlers and the battles they battle. What a character is good at and what they are bad at is part of their characterization, and their characterization is part of the narrative. You're playing a game that is meant to tell the same type of story as a Marvel movie.
In fact if you’re playing a game like any edition of D&D, that is based around combat, then combat is actually the most important part of the story, because that is the time that a protagonist can fail in their goals and/or die.
If you’re playing an RPG, and you’re finding that the rules and dice are constantly getting in the way of the story you’re trying to tell—well first of all let me remind you that TTRPG stories are supposed to be emergent, if the DM keeps faking dice rolls to keep the story "on track", you aren't really telling an emergent story—and secondly then that is a glaring sign that you are playing the game wrong, and you are playing the wrong game. And when you search for the right game, you don’t necessarily need a system with less rules, you could be very happy with a system with a lot of rules as long as you play a system with rules that support the kind of narrative you’re trying to tell.
I've said it in another post before, that for TTRPGs, rules are like wind, and the narrative is like a sailboat. You might be having to push your boat up-wind, and feel frustrated with all the wind pushing back against you as you try to make a combat-focused game like any edition of D&D be all about characters calmly working out their differences. You might think then that you need less rules/less wind, and that crunch, dice-rolling, and/or combat are the opposite of storytelling and roleplaying, but it isn't. You need to find some wind/rules that are blowing in the direction you want the story to go. You need to find a different game. No, you really can't just homebrew combat out of the game.
If you don't like combat, you need to find an RPG that isn't focused on combat. If you do like combat, well, still find a different game than D&D5e becuase its combat is pretty bad compared to like every other edition of D&D and every other combat-focused fantasy RPG. If you don't like D&D5e combat you might even find that you really enjoy some other game's combat if you give it a shot.
Here is a post about escaping from WotC, D&D5e, and the legitimately harmful effects it has. It also has a great many more resources for that than this post does.
I'm listing one resource here because it's my post. The A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club can a good starting point for where to find a game that better suits your needs. It’s a discord server that treats playing TTRPGs like a book club, with the goal of introducing members to a wide variety of games other than D&D5e. RPGs are nominated by members, then we hold a vote to decide what to read and play for a short campaign, then we repeat. There is no financial, time, or schedule investment required to join this book club, I promise it is very schedule-friendly, because we assign people to different groups based of schedule compatibility. You don’t have to play each campaign, or any campaign, you can just read along and participate in discussion that way. And if you can’t afford to buy the rulebook we’re going to be reading, we will make sure you get a PDF of it for free. That is how committed we are to getting non-D&D5e RPGs into people’s hands. Here is an invite link.
if you want to support me and my team specifically Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy, our debut TTRPG, is going to launch on Kickstarter on April 10th and we need all the help we can get. Set a reminder from the Kickstarter page through this link.
If you’re interested in a more updated and improved version of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy than the free demo you got from our website, there’s plenty of ways to get one!
Subscribe to our Patreon where we frequently roll our new updates for the prerelease version!
Donate to our ko-fi and send us an email with proof that you did, and we’ll email you back with the full Eureka prerelease package with the most updated version at the time of responding! (The email address can be found if you scroll down to the bottom of our website.)
We also have merchanise.
#dnd#dnd5e#dnd 5e homebrew#allied forces#d&d 5e#d&d#dnd character#d&d character#ttrpg#rpg#roleplaying#tabletop#fantasy#dungeons and dragons#dungeons & dragons#dungeons and dragons 5e#5e#indie#indie game#indie designer#indie games#indiegames#free ttrpg#trpg#ttrpg design#ttrpgs#ttrpg community#ttrpg tumblr#indie ttrpg#pathfinder
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Pls don't feel bad about the time skips! I read ppl complaining on the forum but I think they miss the point of TT.
It's meant to show how much of a curse vampirism actually is. Like no matter how much you try to keep your humanity, you are functioning on a completely different wavelength as humans and one thing that encapsulates it are the time skips. You can't have a non vampire partner or child and expect a happy ending, one distraction or something gone wrong and you lose a decent chunk out of their lives without realizing. It's a story meant to lack agency! Being a vampire in your world is only meant to end three ways: being hunted, starved, or walking into the sun. And most probably utterly alone.
Writing is a learning curve that never stops curvin'. And, to be clear, that's something I really like about writing. I really enjoy trying new things and getting feedback on readers on whether or not those things worked.
I didn't expect the time skips to be contentious, but I can understand why some people don't like them.
They feel like they remove agency in a choice based game. That's a very real critique that I totally understand.
Unfortunately, they've been baked into the narrative from the start. I always planned on Thicker Than to take place over a decade (actually, originally it was 13 years, but I shortened it to a decade to show a tiny wee bit of mercy to the human ROs) and the time skips are the only real way to do that.
The time skips make sense for me because they show how vampires change over time. The player gets to level up their powers and becomes more a part of the undead world.
A just resurrected fledgling is not going to be the same creature as a ten-years-dead vampire. And while you're still very young, it makes the final showdowns a little more probable.
The player's character isn't a total noob by the end of the game.
I've tried to brainstorm some ways to smooth over the transitions, but the truth is, they're already pretty much as good as I can make them. So I hope those that don't like the time skips aren't too put off by them.
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Came across a TikTok of a Scottish man trying to say "burglary" and failing so many times before he gets it and I needed to share cause all I can think of is getting annoyed with Soap's teasing and mouthing off "yeah? Well say burglary" and he gets so worked up because it takes forever to get it right
Oh my god he’d be so pissed. This kind of got out of hand but hope you enjoy this little Soap fic.
Say Burglary
Pairing: Soap x Reader
“Soap, I swear to god if you don’t somewhere else, I’m going to punch you,” you huffed as you went about the process of putting your weapons away in the armory.
"Just having fun, geez." He sighed as he poked you on the cheek.
The most recent mission had been a success. The intel that was needed had been recovered in a quick and timely manner, making it so you didn't have to stay out in the field for very long. Normally, that would've been a good thing since it meant everyone was on their A-game but right now you wished getting the intel had taken an entire month.
Soap was unbearably full of energy. Usually when he got antsy like this, it was taken out on the field, the labor intensive job making it so he rarely had left over energy when you got back. However, since the mission had been finished so quick, his body was still so full of energy he had nothing to do to get it out.
At least, that was his excuse.
He easily could go into the training room to get rid of it, but he was too busy bothering you to do that.
"Soap." You warned him with a quick glare but he just sighed.
"I'm sorry. There's just nothin' to do and you're right here in front of me." He explained and though he looked like he was distressed by the fact that he was bored out of his mind, you could hear the smugness in his voice.
It made you narrow your eyes at him. You often played into these moments with him, but right now you just wanted to get through your routine of coming back on base before that.
A thought popped into your head as you watched him mess with the strings of you jacket. If he was really that bored, then you had something for him to do. It was something you had seen somewhere on one of the social apps you had on your phone that you rarely ever got on.
"Okay, I got something for you." You said in a low voice that made him freeze but he looked at you intently.
"Yeah? What's that, bonnie?" He had a small smirk on his face as he wrapped one of the strong around his finger.
"Say burglary."
Soap's eyebrows knitted together as he stared at you with confusion. He let go of your strings when he saw that you were being serious and placed his hands on his hips.
"Okay..." He began. "Buglur."
The moment the word left his mouth, he was shocked at how his mouth betrayed him yet you had to bite back a smile. You weren't sure if his Scottish accent would actually make it that hard for him to say but judging by his botched pronunciation you were wrong.
"Burglered." He tried again and you watched his face fall to a scowl.
"Close." You smiled and he sent you a quick look.
"Burgulaluray."
This time you couldn't hold back the giggle that fell out of your mouth and he huffed. He sent you another annoyed look as he tried again and again, messing up the pronunciation each time and every time he did, the more annoyed he got.
It didn't help that you were watching him struggled with amusement, your eyes twinkling with mischief that he would have otherwise loved to see. Right now though, he was close to storming out of the room because he was getting so worked up over it.
"Soap, you don't have to say it." You said and he groaned.
"Yes, I do!" He was determined to say it now, to prove that he actually could say the word right. "Burgulaluray!"
"You keep saying it wrong!"
"Dammit!"
You were laughing now and it was hard to stop, even when he told you too. It wasn't that you enjoyed seeing him struggle, it was the fact that he was getting extremely worked up saying a word that you didn't even say on the regular. At the point, he was just harming himself more and it would've been sad to see if it weren't so funny.
"I'm gonna get you for this." Soap threatened but you just scoffed with the shake of your head.
"Sure." You walked out of the armory with him continuing to say the word behind you. "Come back to me when you can say 'burglary'."
"You're evil."
You playfully rolled your eyes and listened to him continue say it the entire time you were making your way to the common area. You were hoping that someone else was in there, specifically Ghost so the two of you could see this mess unfold.
You opened the door to the common area and luckily Ghost was in there, and he was the only person. He was getting something out of the fridge when you both entered.
"Burglary!" Soap yelled and you watched him huff angrily.
"Oh, you got it." You said with disappointment which made him glare at you.
"You witch! You did that just to make me mad."
"Witch is uncalled for."
Ghost stood by the fridge watching you both with confusion. He held the water bottle from the fridge in his hands as he watched you both argue, finding that it wad more enjoyable then going to his room at the moment. He didn't say anything as Soap crossed his arms and pouted like a child.
"Okay, now say squirrel."
"No!"
A/N: This was random and probably dumb but it was also fun lol
#soap x reader#john soap mactavish x reader#john soap mactavish#soap mw2#cod soap#cod imagine#soap x you#soap modern warfare#johnny soap mactavish
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As If Destiny (part four) 🌹
Part Three🌹🌹🌹
Summary: You've always been kind hearted yet admirably defiant. Or that is at least one of the ways Coriolanus Snow would describe you. Ever since grade school, you have always been on the same level as him in academics and one of his few competitors for the Plinth Prize. But as tragedy struck your family, Coriolanus thought you would fall away from his life, but instead, you got even more intertwined (not to mention the complicated past knots tying your families together).
Warnings: Terminal illness, parent death, death and brutality (it is the hunger games after all) characters may be ooc. I read the book a while ago but don't really remember much of Snows way of thinking (I mean I know its toxic and insane but yk the other things) so I will mostly be basing off the film and my own thoughts. Also I can't spell for the life of me so be prepared for bad spelling and grammar. Also, this is going to be a LONG series with a lot of parts, so strap in! Enjoy loves!
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Coriolanus led the way, past the broken elevator, and up the ancient stairs. He let you go ahead of him in the stairwell, letting you know which ones to skip as they are quite shaky and might cave in. He felt embarrassed that even the stairs informing of his financial state but you didn't mind. In fact, while you both were going up the 12 flights of stairs, you were giggling and enjoying the jumps up the stairs.
The boy was so lost in the sight of your toothy smile and little looks back in his direction that he almost missed his floor. Opening the door leading into the hallway brought forward the smell of dust and mold, something his nose has gotten far too acustomed to. You looked around in fascination, touching the decaying blue and silver wall paper. It was beautiful, even after all the destruction it witnessed. If this was simply the hallway, you were sure his actual aprtment was stunning, no matter how sparse and empty it may be.
After a few steps, he reached a chipped white door and pulled out his keys. The heir to the house felt his hands shake as he pushed the key through the hole. With a deep breath, he opened up the door.
The first thing that was noticeable, much to Coriolanus's dismay, was the smell of cabbage. The fervent smell and the noise of movement alerted him that Tigris was still up. His assumption was confirmed a few seconds later with the appearance of his cousin. "Coryo! You've been gone for so long, I was getting so worried where have you-" the rest of her words died on her tounge as she noticed your head pop out behind her cousins shoulders.
You gave her a kind and slightly embarrassed smile, reaching out your hand in greeting. She returned the gesture, albeit hesitantly as she was still in shock and in the depths of confusion. "Hello, you must be Tigris! All my friends rave about your fashion ability and they certainly aren't wrong. Your nightgown is stunning did you make it?" Tigris couldn't help but laugh and blush at your genuine compliments and curiosity. She nodded and held it our for you to inspect. The champagne color was embroidered with what seemed like endless silver flowers and the cut and flow fit her perfectly.
Coriolanus stood back, leaning against a wall watching you both in deep conversation about style and it's meaning and topics he could never, as much as he tried, be as versed as his cousin and seemingly, you. A smile appeared on his face seeing you get along with his cousin so well. He wondered how his grandma'am would think of you; the thought making him blush. Then it hit him that she is going to meet you in the morning, making the blush on his pale skin turn a deep crimson.
Tigris stole a quick glance towards her younger cousin and even in the dim lighting, she could see his flush all too well. She then remembered that she never asked why in the world her teenage cousin brought a pretty girl in the late hours of the night. She didn't even get your name. "I'm sorry, it seemed we got too caught up in conversation that I didn't even get your name!" You had a blush yourself in embarrassment.
Here you are, certainly in the a.m hours, invading her home and you didn't even let her know who you were. "Y/N Vaun. I am so sorry for interrupting your peace. Coryo was kind enough to offer me a place to rest tonight due to uhm personal issues at home." You say the last part quickly and in a hushed tone. The older girl gives you a warm and bright smile and welcomes you into her home. "Well let me get you something more comfortable." she gestures to your uniform that you have been wearing for nearly 24 hours.
It may not have been the most comfortable clothing, but you didn't wish to cause even more commotion for the Snow household. You stand up to kindly refuse Tigris's action but Coryo quickly interjects and stands in front of you, blocking your path. "You are our guest y/n, please stop arguing" He pleads with you. "I didn't even open my mouth!" He gives you a look, you both fully knowing you were going to.
"Where am I going to sleep?" You ask looking around and spot the small worn sofa in the small living space. Your thoughts were all over your face and caused a groan, paired with a dramatic eye roll from Coriolanus. "You are a guest, I'm not making you sleep on the couch!" You knew what he meant but it was always fun to tease the boy. "You aren't making me, don't worry!" With a rough sigh, he put his head in his hands, seemingly exhausted.
"Are you like this when you go to the Plinths?" He asks teasingly. The question made you go stiff a little, something he noticed because, of course he did. "Well, I've actually never slept over there. It's bad enough they have to constantly feed me, I am not their responsibility." Coriolanus thought over your words before responding with a question he had been carrying the entirety of your walk here.
"Do you always see every gesture of kindness as a debt to be paid? If so, you must be owed dozens of debts." You blushed at his targeted question at your philosophy and the compliment tagged on at the end. You felt flattered before you realized the hypocrisy of his words.
"Oh you're one to talk Coryo! Remember when I shared with you my chocolate truffles ONCE at lunch and you seemed to be trying to paying me back with gestures and favors for weeks!" He stared at you like a deer in headlights. oh how he wished you had forgotten. He remembered that day crystal clear. Not because the truffles (which apparently 11 year old you was a master baker even then) were the best he has ever had, but because of you took over his thoughts for weeks after.
He remembered taking notes of all the little things you liked and habits, trying to find the perfect opportunities to get closer and somehow, even if not materially, pay you back for your kindness. "Ah, so it was you! I knew I heard your name somewhere before!" Tigris (of all the times she could have appeared) emerged from her room holding up a deep green night gown with black detailing.
You looked from her to Coriolanus in confusion and were met with him staring way too intensely at the dusty floor. Tigris observed both of your actions and emotions, noting your confusion and her cousins embarrassment. Oh she was going to have so much fun teasing him as soon as you were out of earshot. She gestured the sleepwear and beckoned for you to get changed in the small bathroom.
You took the fabric out of her hands and was simply amazed. You had many friends and close ones at that, but all the emotions and kindness you were treated with tonight crashed at once. You looked up at the taller woman with glossy eyes. "Thank you." You turned your head to say the same to the boy who brought you here, but he simply put a hand up, putting an end to yet another parade of thanks.
As soon as Tigris heard the sound of you locking the cold bathroom door, she turned to the boy she considered a brother with a smirk. But he wasn't in the main foyer anymore but rather, rushed to the kitchen and was opening up the window. Enough to get the smell of cabbage and dust out and the smell of blossoming flowers of the Capital in. She couldn't help but laugh. "So am I going to get an explanation or do I have to assume what a teenager is doing bringing a girl that beautiful at this hour?"
"Her mother is suffering with illness Tigris. Its been taking a toll on y/n too. She doesn't sleep at night and I thought she might have a better chance getting a good rest if she was away from all the chaos. So I brought her here if you and grandma'am don't mind." Tigris looked at her cousin, a proud smile on her face. She wiped her hands on a worn towel and moved in to give him a loving hug.
Coryo got the message of his cousin quite clearly and suddenly as he looked as if he were going to faint from embarrassment. He looked around as if you were in the walls listening in. "Shhh! Tigris! Ugh- what no- Tigris!" Oh he was so flustered. She went back to cleaning the few dishes in the sink, the activity she must have been doing before your entrance. Coriolanus knew she was waiting for an explanation but he didn't want to expose your situation and lose any trust, especially with the amount of trust he put in you.
"I'm so proud of you Coryo. I know your mother would be too. Her son being a pillar of good, no matter the situation." He smiled shyly and bittersweetly at the thought of his late mother. Would she think of him like that? What would she think of you?
Tigris snuck a glance at the boy and noticed his small grin and blush and nudged him with his shoulder. "No funny buisness, I want to sleep without being traumatized." The look of horror once again crossed his face and was ready to stammer out opposition to Tigris's thoughts when he heard the bathroom door creak open.
You stepped out, wrapped in the nightgown, the long and flowy cut making you look like true royalty. You also took your hair our of your updo and let it flow down. How is it possible something so beautiful could be standing in his rundown apartment. The thought seemed to have Coriolanus paralyzed until you seemed to shrink under his gaze.
Tigris giggled at just how easily you made her ever pristine and charming cousin flustered. She threw some water off her fingers into his face to snap him out of his daze, which worked much to his dismay and your entertainment. Tigris walked out of the kitchen and into the direction of her room. As she passed you, she whispered "you look beautiful y/n" with a sweet and supporting smile that you returned.
She bid you both good night as she walked out of sight behind the corner of the hallway, leaving you both behind looking anywhere but eachother. Coriolanus realized he should probably be the one to do something considering this was his home and such. He cleared his throat and motioned for you to follow him. You followed him with your uniform neatly folded as he reached his room.
Your breath was shaky as you exhaled realizing you were in his room. You were going to sleep in his room. To say you were red would be an understatement. You were too busy scanning around his room to notice him quickly trying to clean up the little messes littered over his room in his ever constant rush. You noticed his corner window and walked over, having to kneel on his bed to get the full view.
Even though it was pitch black nightime outside, the street lights were enough to lumminate the small white flowers blooming on the trees. Rows and rows of the trees seemed to be lined up straight outside his window. It must be absolutely radiant in the morning.
You turned back to him, watching him move around the small room. "Tigris is so beautiful and kind. You must be very proud of her." Your words made him feel somehow even happier. He nodded in agreement. He did everything for her and Grandma'am, but especially for Tigris. She sacrificed her entire life for him and raised him really on her own. If he ever for a second doubted his abilites or how much longer he can keep up his façade, he remebers his cousins sweet smile.
Coriolanus was still trying to clean up his room and you offered to help, but he quickly declined your offer, saying you should rest.
"You still never told me where you are going to sleep" He turns around and sees your eyes, deep in concern and wonder. how do your eyes look like in the morning? "I think the sofa will be fine, you can take the bed. Please" He tried to plead with you as he grabbed his night clothes, fine but worn set of silky pajamas. "You can't expect to say I am not allowed to sleep there while I am here taking over your room!"
He sighed, shaking his head. Why won't you just let him be chivalrous? He never knew how determined or persistent you were about such simple topics and wished to never be on this side of the battle ever again. "Please y/n, make yourself at home. I'm going to change, you better be asleep when I come back." He left his room too quickly to see your pout and eye roll in disagreement.
You let your hands feel the thin sheets as you try to find some way to still let Coryo get a comfortable sleep. Your eyes land on his desk in your exploration and you take note of the objects on it.
Somehow, in your scan of your room, you missed the pictures and knickknacks. One seemed to show his mother and a baby version of the ever charming teenager. It made you smile, he had such chubby cheeks and an adorable gummy smile. Another seemed to show toddler Coryo being babied by little Tigris, who seemed more than happy to care for him. It made you laugh, you don't remember him ever being like the boy in the pictures, even when you were that age in class with him.
You didn't wish to touch any of his things without his permission so you just scooted closer. You noticed a beautiful silver compact that shimmered under the desk lamp that was lit. It looked like an antique, the type before the war. It must have been his mother's you assumed. In your analyzation of the compact and other items littering his small desk, you didn't realize how close you had gotten and your foot accidentally harshly hit the container underneath the desk.
Small powder came out, causing you to begin coughing. You look downwards to the container and read the alarming words "RAT POISON". Your coughing began to escalate in panic. In your panic and attack of coughs, you didn't realize two strong arms pull you away from the area. You coughed a little bit more before your face was turned upwards to a pair of such beautiful blue eyes.
You turned your face as the last of your shaky coughs came out, leaving you shaken and face hot and crimson.
"I'm so sorry Coryo, I am such an idiot!" He quickly shushed you and assured you that you were nothing of the sort. "It's okay, you were just a bit distracted, I should have moved the container anyways, it's my fault." Wait how did he know that you were too distracted to notice the substance?
Clearly the deadly poison wasn't the only thing you didn't notice. Coriolanus dressed quickly and he noticed the light in his room still on and was ready to chastise you on not taking your ever needed moments of sleep. But then he noticed how memsmorized you were by the photos and objects on his desk. He relished in your subtle smile and little giggle, albeit be at younger him. The moment he saw the pale substance flow through the air however, his breathing became as shallow as if he himself inhaled it.
But as everything calmed down, he noticed how much your lack of sleep has hit you once more. He moved you over to his bed and you comfortably settled under the sheets.
He turned off the light, quietly grabbing an extra pillow and blanket and began walking out towards direction of the stiff sofa. "Wait Coryo!" You said, sleep slurring your syllables. He turned around in concern that something may be wrong. You offered him a shy smile, hesitant to ask. "Could you sleep here, I don't think I am to be trusted alone right now" you laugh the last part. You felt quite foolish. He has done so much and here you are asking him to sleep on his cold floor while you are resting in his bed.
But he seems to pay no mind. He responds with a giddy smile and throws the pillow down and lays softly next to his bed. Next to you. You mumble a thank you, to which he repaonds with a contempt "mhm". With the smell of roses, which seemed to be radiating from his pillow and sheets, you are quickly enveloped by sleep. Hearing your deep and peaceful breathing, Coriolanus doesn't take long to follow suit, with a smile of contemptment on his face. A smile quite rare in the small and shabby apartment. But tonight, it felt like a palace.
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The sunlight lit up the room when Coriolanus woke up. He took a second to question why he was on the floor. He was about to panic when he remembered the events of last night, bringing a certain type of joy to the blonde. He then heard the sounding of pen on paper, furiously writing. He popped his head up from his pillow and sat up, looking towards your very awake and focused figure. You were leaning against the wired headboard of his bed, with that ever growing pile of paper next to you.
"Please tell me you are sleepwriting" His voice, especially his morning voice (something you never imagined for the proper Coriolanus Snow. But you weren't complaining. Oh no. Not in the slightest) broke you out of your daze. You didn't look up as wrote the final letters of your hard researched and written paper. "Well don't you know that you are never supposed to wake someone up when they do that?" You teased, a bright smile on your face as you looked up.
The color was back in your face and your missed bubbly energy was back. With those factors, the sunlight, and your natural radiance, Coriolanus could not belive his eyes. If this was some sick dream, he wished to never wake up.
You turn your eyes from the messy haired boy (something you didn't even know was possible, his ever proper hair messy and how you could stop looking at how good it looked like this) and out the window. When you first woke up, the sun was still rising and you wished to finish your assignment before Coryo woke up and you went to the academy. So you didn't get to bask in the beautiful sight before you untill now. The street lights did not do the delicate white flowers justice. The sun hit them so perfectly they didn't seem real, they were so perfect. The same thought was running through Coriolanus's mind but he was most certainly not thinking about the flowers.
He got up and dusted off himself and offered you a hand. You took it happily and as soon as you stood up, the sound of your stomach grumbling was quite loud in the peaceful silence. You giggled in unease about the sudden noise while Coriolanus felt a little ashamed knowing he didn't have much to settle your hunger. You looked up at him and noticed the look in his eyes. "Hey, don't worry! I was planning on getting us all some breakfast anyways but I just wanted you to wake up first so you don't think I just up and left".
He looked at you with great appreciation because he would have definitely thought you were too embarrassed to stay the night. But looking at your cheerful face, you seemed anything but. "You know you don't have to do that y/n. You don't us anything." You nodded along, grabbing your uniform and heading towards the bathroom. "I'm not doing this as a debt, I'm doing this as a thank you." You tell him as you close the door.
He sighs but was surprised when you opened the door just a second after closing it. "Plus, I still want to talk to Tirgis more!" That made him sincerely laugh. Sometimes he has done a lot these past number of hours with you. More than he has in a long while. The blonde rushes to quickly change into his own uniform to accompany you. He isn't sure if you remember the direction of his apartment and stores, so it would be best if he went along as a guide. Plus it wouldn't hurt to spend as much time with you before your peaceful moments would be shattered with your attendance to the rush of the academy.
He looked in the small and rusting mirror in his room, just now noticing his messy hair. He doesn't get to perfect his curls when he hears the unblocking of the bathroom door, informing him of your readiness. He meets you out by the main entrance as you are putting on your clean and pretty shoes. You look up with a sideways smile and don't question his presence. He was a gentleman after all (you also had no idea your way around these parts).
Once you both were ready, he opened up the door, offering you his arm and you were out to conquer your little adventure.
You both were basking in the sunlight as you reached a quaint little bakery. You can smell the delicious pastries from outside causing you and Coryo to share a look. You drag him inside and take a look around. "What ever you think Grandma'am and Tigris would like, please get it! And don't you dare try to hold back. If you don't get what you want, I will." Your little threat was made loud and clear to Snow as he put his hands up in mock surrender. He did feel guilty because you were paying (his pride hated every second that you were spending on him and not the other way around).
He knows his grandmothers love for chocolate so he picked out multiple pastries of the flavor and some fruit ones for Tigris. The red velvet flavor and white coating of a certain sweet drew Coriolanus in and was something he hasn't tasted in years, the thought of it making his mouth water already. He ordered and looked over to where he last saw you, in which you were observing the vintage photos on the wall.
But you weren't there. The shop wasn't very large and he couldn't see you anywhere. He began to panic to where you could have gone when the small bell above the door rang and you appeared with a small violet box in your hands. "Sorry, saw something across the street and had to get it!" You apologize to your friend and quickly pay for the delicacies he chose. You both walked out and into his apartment with several boxes each, nearly up to your chins. Coriolanus repeated how unnecessary all of it was but you kept on shushing him everytime he brought it up. You with your fill of sleep was so different. He missed it.
When you made it back, Tigris seemed to just have woken up as she was rubbing off her sleep. Although, when the smell of the pastries hit her nose, all thoughts turned into hunger. You bid her a very chipper "Morning!", a tone quite different from the shy girl she met last night. "I'm going to check up on Grandma'am, you guys can set everything up!"
The excitement was clear in her voice and movement, a pep filled walked to her dear grandmothers room. You smile at her emotion, causing a chain reaction that leads to Coriolanus own grin. You both set up the table while speaking cheerfully about small details of your life. Coriolanus was trying to remember the last time in his life he had such a cheery morning with a proper breakfast.
Then the last piece left of his family walks in. He walks over and place a delicate kiss on his grandma'ams cheeks and walks back to introduce you. You dust off your hands nervously and go to shake her hand when she looks as if she is going to break into tears.
"Cloria? Oh, Cloria! You look stunning as ever!" The elderly woman ignores your hand and moves in to hug you. You are shocked by the movement but even more by the name she called you by. You look to her grandson in worry. Should you inform her that you aren't Cloria, but in fact her daughter? How did she know your mother? But he looked as confused as you.
She pulled back from the embrace, yet held onto your arms. She moved then upward to your face, turning it this way and that. "Oh Cloria, how I've missed you!" You smiled in confusion, having absolutely no clue what to respond. Then she seems to notice Coriolanus's presence for the first time. "Crassus! Why didn't you tell me Cloria was back!". The look of baffelment on Coryos face was drained of all emotion as he was paralyzed by his Grandma'ams mistake. Her dementia has been worsening for a while now, but never once has she called him his father's name. You were both unsure what to do but you took action. Softly you stepped back, offering your hand once more. "Thank you for your kind words, but Cloria is actually my mother. I'm her daughter y/n".
Her timeworn eyes rake over you, taking you in for the first time. Questions seemed laced in her voice and face. "Daughter? Who is your father?" Her tone was icy and a bit void.
Uncertainty was present in your own response. "Tyre Vaun, mam" The little gasp and step back to his name made you feel as if you just slapped the elderly woman. You looked up, searching for help in the comforting blue eyes of her grandson. "Grandma'am?" He asked and her astonished stare switched from you to his towering frame. Then she seemed to notice him, for the first time as well. "Coriolanus? Since when have you been here?".
His frustration by her actions and lapse of memories was caught off by the entrance of Tirgis, now changed into a beautiful brown and white set. She took in the air of confusion but knew of her grandmothers odd behavior due to her unfortunate condition, so she decided to ignore it and change the topic to the vast array of breakfast options. "Look grandma'am, chocolate!"
She began filling her grandmothers plate while Coriolanus began filling his own as well. You let everyone dig in before you grabbed a few pieces for yourself. The air went back to happy and giddy feeling. You and Tirgis briefly went back into your discussion of last night as you begged of her to show you her creations some time. She was over the moon at your genuine interest and invited you to come over whenever available.
The time passed in light hearted conversations before Coriolanus realized the time and motioned for you both to clean up and get ready to get going. That's when you realized you had completely forgot the violet box. "Oh, one last thing!" You open up the box revealing chocolate truffles, ones that looked nearly identical to the ones you and Coryo shared when you were 11. His shocked expression caused a smirk to appear on your face. You knew he was going to give you a huge rant about how unnecessary it all was but you didn't mind. No, you didn't mind one bit.
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A/N: Guys I know it seems like I have no life, I swear I do! I just got sick so it has been a blessing (i get to read and write all day) and a curse( I literally sound like ill dill). My eyes hurt from looking at my screen for so long. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Also shout-out to @darknight3904 and their fic "It Burns For You"! They inspired multiple parts of this chapter. Go read the fic, guys it's so good! Anyways hope you guys are excited for the next part, much love❤️
@fantasylovestoryme 🌹@nekee-lilac02 🌹 @notyourwildestdream 🌹@darktrashsoulbear🌹@a-avengerparker 🌹
#coriolanus snow#the hunger games#coriolanus x reader#snow lands on top#tbosas#ballad of songbirds and snakes#reader insert#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#sejanus my beloved#sejanus plinth#tigris snow#sejanus x reader#sejanus deserved better#hunger games#coryo snow#coriolanus x you#corio
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I really love how you write!! I was wondering if you could so smth with hobie x autistic + sunshine!reader? I'm autistic, and i've constantly been belittled for it so it'd mean a lot to see my biggest cc with an autistic reader!! If you're worried about how to approach it maybe you could do smth like reader using noise canceling headphones? or like comforting when reader had an autistic meltdown?? Ofc these are just ideas, whatever you wna do!! Also don't fret if you don't want to do this request, just wanted to ask !!! ^w^
Oh and gender neutral with they/them pronouns please!! 🫶
- 🎀 anonymous
(Emoji signoffs are so cute!! hoping you don't mind me adding one !!!)
QUIET AND EASE !
— hobie brown x energetic!autistic!gn!reader
— fluff and comfort, autistic meltdown, noise canceling headphones, petnames (sweetheart, love), hobie’s worried and nervous, sensory overload, breakdowns due to loud noises, almost panic attacks
— time with your friends was always nice, but sometimes it got to be too much, and hobie is always there to help
— ill do u one better anon how about incorporating both 🫶 also ofc you can have an emoji! thank u for ur support!
— official disclaimer: the following fic and reader experience is based on my experience and also other aspects i have read up on. every autistic person is different, and they won’t all have this exact reaction when it comes to a meltdown. so pls keep that in mind when reading :) if anything seems wrong please feel free to tell me!
Everything was so so loud.
The two of you agreed two have friends over, a small hangout. It had been a while since everyone had hung out, so Hobie suggested hosting them. You agreed, wanting to see everyone again after a while.
You welcomed everyone excitedly, wanting to show off your place. “Hey guys! Come on in, let me give you a tour!”
You dragged them all around the apartment, pointing out various things that maybe they didn’t notice. Your favourites; some hanging pictures, pieces, and collectables.
The other owner of the place, Hobie, couldn’t help but smile a bit at your excited nature. That’s just how you were, naturally excited about your interests. He encouraged that, loving the way you seem to know so much about these types of things.
After a tour and explanations you so graciously provided, you ushered everyone to grab some dinner or snacks. You had some entertainment planned out, so you and Hobie let everyone decide what they wanted to do. It was a nice time, and you enjoyed your friend’s company.
But soon, they just got too rowdy for your liking. It was about a couple hours into get-together and Miles and Pavitr decided it would be a great idea to play some board and card games. Of course, the competitive nature led to some yelling between the teens.
You tapped out of the game a while ago, feeling an anxious nerve tapping at the back of your head. You hoped it was nothing. That you could continue enjoying your friend’s company.
Definitely not the case.
“Oh come on! I had it that round!” Miles groaned loudly, nudging Gwen. “I would have won!”
“But you didn’t! I remain the victor!” Pavitr declares loudly, collecting all the cards.
Hobie laughs lowly, finding amusement in the banter among the younger ones. It was nice hearing everyone just able to relax and not worry about their duties. Well, there was one person he hadn’t heard from in a minute.
The older turned to you, noticing the way you seemed to just be.. staring out. Your hands were messing with one another, and your leg was bouncing crazily. Your eyes were glassy, almost as if..
Oh. Oh no.
Subtly, Hobie scoots closer to you, minding himself to not touch you. “Doin’ okay, love?”
The words go into your head, you hear them. But it’s difficult to process. Were you okay? Was this okay? No, it wasn’t, but can you even say that? Should you tell him? Will you tell him? So many overwhelming questions.
“I-”
“Oh come on! You have to be cheating!”
A particularly loud yell from Miles causes you to flinch, head dropping to your knees. No, you weren’t okay. Not one bit. Tears sprang to your eyes quickly as your body rocks, hands harshly pushing against your ears.
This is when Hobie knew he had to spring into action. “Guys, c’mon, ‘s time t’ get goin’.”
Everyone looks up at Hobie, confused, with Gwen being first to speak up. “What? Hobie, we just got here?”
“‘m sorry, but you can come back ‘nother time. Please.” He requests, ushering everyone to stand up.
As Hobie tries to get everyone out and away, you’re off in your own world. Your head was spinning, all your sense coming at you at full force. Everything was crashing down on you, and you couldn’t stop it.
Once he managed to get everyone out, his feet were moving him to your shared room. He needed the essentials; your blanket, your headphones, and your phone. He’d get more once you asked, certainly. Rushing back to you, he kneels down, hands glued to his thighs.
“Hey swee’heart..” He says in a really quiet whisper, not wanting to upset you further. “‘m gonna put these on ya, okay? Jus’ real quick, then ‘m done.. I’ll be right over here for ya.”
He knew these types of things could be harmful, you told him that before. The last thing you wanted was to accidentally hurt him. But letting you know what he’s doing helped a small part of your brain, one trying to gain regulation.
Carefully, Hobie moves to put your headphones on your head, the noise from the outside world coming to a halt. He moves back after, hands in your view as he backs up. That’s how he shows that he’s away, letting you have your space.
Next, he mimics your position, drawing his knees to his chest. Hobie’s nervous, he couldn’t deny, but all he could do was sit and wait. You needed your space, and he would be here to help you with the aftermath.
And then he just.. waits.
Once the sound is blocked out, that’s one less worry on your mind. You focus next on the tears streaming down your face. Everything felt sore, your mind was hurting. That made you want to cry.
You bit your lip as you shake your hands, trying to get some sort of stability. You focus on the movement of your hand, watching the rings Hobie let you steal jangle together. No doubt they make a nice sound, Hobie probably hears it.
Your brain waves start to slow down, you can tell. Without the overwhelming sense, you start to feel at ease. Some thoughts are able to run through.
‘Breathe. Think. Safe.’
You try your hardest to repeat these words in your head, continuously stimming as the tears finally stop. Without the horrible feeling of crying, it’s somewhat easier to understand what’s happening. The loud sounds were gone. You were okay.
By the time you managed to gain more of yourself, your head was hurting badly. Glancing up, you notice the way Hobie was looking at you. He had a worried expression. He didn’t wear it often, but he was now. He was nervous for you.
He gives a small wave, gaining a small laugh from you as you wave back. Then, he holds out his hand, giving you the option to take it. He wants nothing more than to hold and comfort you, he wants to help make you feel secure.
You cautiously take his hand, allowing him to wrap his arms around you. This instantly made you melt in his embrace. Exhaustion was catching up with you.
But things could be okay now. You were alone with Hobie, someone you trusted immensely.
Hobie was relieved when you allowed yourself to be embraced by him. He felt better knowing he could give you this sense of comfort. It was better than being able to do nothing.
Gently, he kisses your forehead when he feels your body slumping. “Mhm.. rest, swee’heart.. ‘m here..”
He knew his words were blocked by your headphones, but he still whispered them anyways. Almost like assuring himself. Everything was okay. You were okay.
Hobie decided that tonight was a good night for a sleep on the floor. He grabs your blanket, putting it over both of your bodies while lying back. He lets you adjust your body so you can sleep comfortably with the headphones on, which happens to be on his side with hands intertwined.
He was comfortable. You were comfortable. And he could easily fall asleep knowing that you would wake up and hopefully feel as good as you did earlier that day.
#NEW ARTICLE || OUT NOW !!#hobie brown x reader#hobie x reader#hobie brown#spider man: across the spider verse#across the spiderverse#atsv#atsv x reader#atsv hobie
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