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werevulvi · 2 years

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I've recognized lately that I've gotten so detached from womanhood since transitioning. Whenever I try to engage in conversations about "women's issues" I feel so detached from a lot of them. Like female only spaces, and female social cues. I can't even list examples because I've forgotten what they are.

It's strange because the more I think about it, the more I'm starting to understand why I often don't feel comfortable in groups of only women. Individual women and mixed spaces, that's totally fine, as well as groups of only men, and individual men, but entire groups of only women? I feel estranged and have no idea how to navigate it. Because I don't understand and cannot act upon female social cues. Most of the female socialization I got as a kid, I actively resisted, and then trained away as an adult, and tried hard to learn male socialization stuff, both as a survival tactic and because of my dysphoria.

Gendered socialization is malluable traits. Kinda like how you can lose a language you learned as a child if you stop speaking it, and you can learn new languages.

It's not that I don't care about women's issues, I do. It's that I have trouble relating to that of those which pertain to socialization, as well as the body stuff which no longer applies to me as a result of my physical transition. Mammograms, unwanted facial hair, bras, the male gaze, street harassment, etc. Even menstruation is something I can only relate to during times I'm off the hormones.

This has made me adopt a crude, near animalistic view of my own womanhood. As the only things that I feel truly apply to me are vagina, vulva, uterus, cramps, female fertility, wide hips, sometimes periods, my hopes of carrying my own child someday, etc, and how these things still make me vulnerable to misogyny, sexual abuse, medical abuse, and so on. All of that still matters of course, but they are highly sensitive topics that I think not even most feminist want to converse about light heartedly. It's perhaps easier to talk about male violence in the streets or in the workplace, than male violence in the bedroom. I can understand that.

I know I still have trouble with labels, but it is for entirely social reasons. I get treated differently depending on how I label myself, and I'm not satisfied with either reaction. How I simply feel about myself, away from society, is that I'm a woman, because that's how I relate to my body. I see it from a lens of it being female, no matter how far I transition. And this is a positive feeling. It's a feeling of stability and safety, in that what I am isn't going to change or get snatched away from me, no matter how I look, how I'm perceived, however dysphoric I am, how much testosterone I shoot up my gluteus maximus, or how language and social norms may change. Something which merely is what it is, and this brings me comfort.

The kinship I feel with men still matters to me as well though, if not more. To be their equal as well as their opposite. This matters to my individuality, my personality, but is also in regards to how I relate to my sex. I tend to say lately that although I'm comfortable with being female, it really needs to be the specific kinda female that I've turned myself into. Not an unobtainable goal, but the goal that I have actually obtained, and which demonstrably differentiates me from the average woman.

I could never be comfortable being an intact female. I'm not friends with estrogen. And estrogen is biology, not social norms of femininity and masculinity. You can call estrogen masculine and strong all day if you want, it doesn't change what I feel about the actual physical and psychological effects of that hormone. That is my biggest problem with my sex, which I remedy by taking testosterone. Simple enough.

But then, what if it was possible to turn myself into a bio male? Well, first off, that's not possible, and I don't find it fruitful to entertain impossible ideas, but if it was possible, yes, I think I'd be more at peace then, generally. But because it's not possible, I can't think of myself as a man. I just can't wire my mind that way. For as long as I'm stuck being female, I'd rather make the most of it, try my hardest to love it in any way I can, mixing testosterone with radical acceptance.

And somewhere along that road, I found that it is possible for me to enjoy a few aspects of being female. I latched onto those aspects and bred and nurtured those feelings to grow larger. I chose to focus on what little I can enjoy about being female, without forcing myself to like what I hate about it. And in that grew a positive feeling to calling myself a woman.

So, my being a woman is not like I'm just suddenly "cis" and genuinely enjoy being female as a whole, as in something I'd choose to stay as in an ideal world where sex change was possible. It's a cope with a reality I cannot change. It truly does not matter what I'd do if a real sex change was possible, simply because that is not possible. What matters is what I'd ideally do with what is factually possible, right here and now.

And that kinda goes for sexism too. I can't hang my life choices up on what I'd do if sexism didn't exist. That's just as foolish as hanging my life choices up on what I'd do if sex change was real. Which is why I don't think it's bad to transition as a cope for sexism. Because sexism isn't going to disappear. At least not in our lifetime. So we might as well find ways to live with it. (Yes, we can strive for society to change too, of course.)

Because... if I could magically turn myself into a flying dragon, I'd probably jump on that opportunity too and then identify as a dragon. But it makes no sense why that should mean I'm "actually a dragon" in reality. Because it's not possible to transform into an actual dragon, no matter how badly I could wish that was the case. Idealistic identities make no sense to me. I'm a female in reality, as much as I'm a human, and there is nothing to change that. Then being a female man just makes no sense to me. A female is a woman.

Thing is that I'm not going to succumb to an idea of me "as a man" when it's physically impossible for me to change my sex to male for real. That's just painful. It's so painful that I have to push that thought out of my mind and never fully engage with it, because holding on to wanting something you can't have just feels like self-harm at this point. If it ever becomes possible thpugh, then we can have a discussion about it!

But back to reality. In reality my only options are to either 1) detransition and be a try-hard normie woman, 2) continue transition and be a freaky, bearded, masculine woman and embrace being "not like other girls" with that, 3) continue transition and pretend like that somehow makes me a man when it never felt like it, 4) abandon reality altogether and call myself nonbinary.

I'd rather fight myself through some aspects of my dysphoria to see the silver lining and hold onto it, no matter how much my ways of doing so my grate at other people. For example, I can only really like my genitals if I view them as purely sexual. Not as a hole (or two) for men to fill, but as bundles of delicate nerves meant to give me pleasure, whether in consensual company with others or entirely on my own.

Some clearly don't like viewing vaginas/vulvas as sexual organs, which is fine. If you'd rather focus on the fertility aspect, you do you. But it's important to me personally to first and foremost view my genitals as sexual, because I need to get away from the sexist idea that I'm just a baby-making machine for being female. I need for my genitals to not primarily be about fertility. I appreciate that aspect too, I do, but just not primarily.

And that is like... when other women tell me I cope in the wrong way, I get testy. Then we're not building any bridges with the "lost sisters" of the ftm community. Then we're being nitpicky about what "should" be good things about being a woman. Same with nagging about how medical transition is a kind of self-harm. It can be... but so can drinking water, if you do it badly, drink bad water, or have an allergy.

That's burning bridges that the rare few us gender critical ftm's try to build with women. Those of us who want a connection. We are going to need for that connection to be on our terms, not yours. Because we are the ones having significant trouble connecting with our sex to begin with.

I can't speak for others, but for me, that is a very delicate and sensitive process. It feels like something akin to accepting a terminal illness, and finding positive things about it, just to not get stuck in a mindset of complete and utter misery because you were dealt shit cards in life.

So while I can appreciate being a woman, it is still and probably always will be to a infinitesmally small extent and has to be on my terms. I need it to not fully succumb to the tragedy and misery of (seemingly) incurable dysphoria, but only to a certain extent. I'm probably never going to be what you want for me to be. I'm probably always going to be a little bit problematic in my man-envy, lack of understanding for female only bathrooms, and hatred of estrogen, and have moments where I say something insensitive about the female body. Because having a female body is always going to be at least a little bit of a battleground for me.

Furthermore, I'm probably never going to wanna center women in my life. I'm attracted to men and a hopeless romantic with a big appetite for sex, and I enjoy being "one of the guys" even if it is as a gnc woman. And the more I live, the more I realize that it's what I do that matters more to me, than what I am. I don't like being judged for what I am, only for what I do. Doing things considered masculine, bonding with men, living among men as though I was one of them, grooming my beard, playfighting, taking my body to its masculine potential, as well as completely non-gendered activities like writing my book, making art and petting cute cats. Simply enjoying life by doing what I enjoy, matters more to me than being a man, or woman.

I don't want my sex to matter so much. It matters to sex/dating and medical stuff, which is fine, but I don't want it to matter for anything else. Like in my friendships, family, hobbies, etc. For all that other stuff, I want for my masculinity to matter more, how I am as a person and what I like and dislike.

Mostly... I think I only really enjoy being a woman in the bedroom, in the private with a male lover I can trust and relax with. Because that's the only time I want my genitals to be involved. And I don't mean in a "play a woman role" kinda way with submission, femininity, lingerie, piv sex, or what have you. Sure, it can include that but it sure as hell also includes domination, masculinity, pegging and all sorts of other things too, which is kinda irrelevant.

No, I mean just me and my uncovered body with someone I trust to be that vulnerable with, and doing whatever the fuck we enjoy and get pleasure from. Because that is the only thing that truly makes me feel whole and connected with my body. That's the only time all my sex and gender stars and planets align in a perfect eclipse. That's "gender euphoria" god damn it.

I don't mean to go all AGP on you. I really have no desire to go swinging my "boypussy" around or in any other way be a creep, like the "girldicks" of the internet do. No, I'm only talking about consensual stuff with trusting (and preferably loving) adults, in the privacy of my own (or his) home.

And I bring this up because knowing this is the heart and center of my womanhood, it makes me apprehensive to bring it up publically, literally because I don't wanna be a creep, which is probably a big reason why I may seem more disconnected from my sex than I actually am.

Because behind those closed doors, I don't even think about me being trans or different from women in general, or similar to them. Then I just exist as a complete entity that just so happens to be of the female sex. But I can't be that, nor show that, in any other aspect of life. Because no other aspect of being a woman feels good to me. But that that one aspect truly speaks to me and feel absolutely amazing, I think is so important that it is in fact crucial.

Because... the first and foremost reason people are either male or female is for reproduction, and thus... sex. Which is why I feel like all the other shit, social shit, tacked onto bio sex, including hanging out with other women just because we're all women and somehow are supposed to be able to get along solely because of that, is uncomfortable and ultimately pointless distractions. Nature's purpose of my sex is the only thing I like it for, but that is a giant thing to like your sex for.

But would I then prefer if I could reproduce as a male? No. Actually no. I just prefer all the other things about being male. The genital configuration, what sex would be like, what I'd look like, all the secondary functions of sex, the male hormones, etc. And why is that? Simple. I just don't want for 99% of my body to be designed around what I do 1% of my life. I'm a woman only in the bedroom because that's the only place being a woman has a purpose.

#rant #gender and sex #sexism and ways to combat it #gendered socialization #gender dysphoria #gender critical ftm #random thoughts #long rant #on being a woman from the perspective of a dysphoric female #on what I am vs what I do

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canary3d-obsessed · 3 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 26, part two

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)

Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Content note: This episode has a lot of lightning, but this post does not have lightning flashes--I’m using mostly stills for those parts, or I’ve snipped out the unfriendly frames before giffing.

Qing-Jie

Having successfully ruined Jin Guangshan’s party plan to get the Yin Tiger seal, Wei Wuxian dashes off to tell Wen Qing where her brother is. She hops up to hit the road with him, but then sorta-faints because she’s starving. In a rare moment of tenderness between these two, he catches her and gently sits her down again.

Normally they’re busy out-toughing each other, both before and after this moment, but right now Wen Qing is openly vulnerable. Wei Wuxian responds to that, predictably, with all of his kindness and with his usual slew of unwise, impossible-to-keep promises.

As she eats the bread he’s brought her--a parallel to an important piece of bread in his early life--he says they have to believe in Wen Ning’s survival. Cut to: Wen Ning, not surviving.

I mean, yes, yes, he’s only mostly dead, but he’s never going to be fully alive again, so.

24 Hour Party People

Back at the party, Jin Guangyao, deliberately, I think, goes to offer his pops a drink while his pops is still super furious and looking for someone to take it out on. The servant lady is like, better you than me, pal, and helps JGY get his drink ready. Pops, predictably, knocks the drink onto Jin Guangyao.

(more behind the cut)

Lan Xichen is standing by with a hanky and a face full of worry. Lan Xichen is so Lanny that he thinks JGY needs to go change clothes after getting clear alcohol spilled on him, rather than just letting it evaporate and smelling pleasantly of booze for the rest of the evening like a normal party guest.

JGY launches into a criticism of Wei Wuxian, which Lan Wangji listens to very carefully, frowning. Lan Xichen, Nie Huasang and Jiang Cheng listen as well, and don’t speak up.

A Clear Conscience

Then Lan Wangji *literally* steps out of his brother’s shadow, and speaks in defense of Wei Wuxian. This right here is Lan Wangji’s turning point, as far as I’m concerned. Xichen is gazing at JGY, totally on board with JGY’s spin of the situation, and his shadow falls away from Lan Wangji’s face as LWJ steps forward.

Lan Wangji says, isn’t what WWX said true? JGY puts on his customer service smile and says that the truth isn’t something you’re supposed to go around saying out loud.

I’d like to say this is what’s wrong with cultivator society but this is really a universal human thing; every society has rules about upsetting the social order, and they are very frequently at odds with basic compassion and morality.

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng stay silent but Lan Xichen goes and throws Wei Wuxian under the bus carriage, saying his character has changed.

Lan Wangji nods decisively at this, and bows to Lan Xichen, silently asking permission to follow Wei Wuxian. Lan Xichen grants permission, telling Lan Wangji to do his best. Lan Xichen probably thinks he and Lan Wangji are in agreement, in this moment, but that nod of Lan Wangji’s was nothing of the kind.

That nod was Lan Wangji agreeing with himself; he is going to try to bring Wei Wuxian back but he is also going to listen to him. Meanwhile Lan Xichen is tying himself in knots to appease Jin Guangyao. The divergence between the brothers will just grow, from this point onwards.

Lan Wangji leaves to go follow his boyfriend conscience, while Jiang Cheng continues to silently listen to the commentary of others, and gets so mad he crushes a wine cup.

It Was A Dark and Stormy Night.

Wen Qing and Wei Wuxian arrive at the prison camp, and the first person they encounter is Granny, with a defaced Wen Banner in her hand and Wen Yuan on her back.

Whenever I read a meta or a fic that talks about how the juniors are so sweet partly because they are “untouched by the war” I want to point to this moment. A-Yuan endures an absolute truckload of war trauma by the time he’s four years old, and while Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji both deserve a lot of credit for saving him at great risk to themselves, Granny and Uncle Four are the first heroes of A-Yuan’s story. His kind, mellow personality has a lot in common with theirs.

This is followed by an eternity of Wen Qing running around asking if anyone’s seen her brother. Eventually Wei Wuxian gets tired of this and gathers the guards together, threatening them with Chenqing.

He doesn’t need to play it; just holding it up has every Jin dude instantly kneeling and scared.

The guards send him and Wen Qing go to a giant field of corpses, where Wen Qing runs around checking to see if any of them is her brother. Wei Wuxian starts off kind of detached and angry, but eventually snaps out of it, tucks away his flute and starts helping her to search.

Wen Qing finds Wen Ning, mostly-dead with a lure flag speared into his belly. Wei Wuxian grimly takes in the situation from across the field of corpses.

When he arrives at Wen Qing’s side he sees this talisman in Wen Ning’s hand.

This is the talisman that Wei Wuxian made for Wen Ning back in Gusu summer school, before the war. It’s the one that Wen Ning was wearing at his waist when they met up after the massacre of Lotus Pier. It’s supposed to literally protect Wen Ning from having his spiritual consciousness snatched, as well as being a symbol of Wei Wuxian’s sense of responsibility for, and affection for, Wen Ning.

Wei Wuxian, understandably, loses his shit at this point. Less understandably, he is about to decide that the best way to express his sorrow and rage is to re-animate the corpse of his friend, right in front of the corpse’s sister. Like, seriously, dude. Dude.

Ghost General

This super-questionable decision leads to one of the most badass sequences in the show, which is unfortunately chock full of lightning flashes, so not everyone can watch it. Wei Wuxian and his flute and swirls of resentful energy come marching out of the darkness of the corpse field, back to the guards.

The guards have decided to slaughter all of the prisoners and then run away, which would be a good plan except they should really have skipped right to the running away part of things. When Wei Wuxian accuses them of killing the prisoner in the corpse field, they claim that the Wens have a habit of falling off of a hill and dying. Wei Wuxian can relate.

At this point Wei Wuxian summons up Wen Ning 2.0, ultra badass edition, who comes flying through the air with his odd, straight-armed fighting stance and cool solid-black eyes and rock-and-roll hair.

Soundtrack: *Four Sticks*

Wen Ning proceeds to whale on the guards and scare the shit out of his relatives.

Then Wen Qing shows up and begs Wei Wuxian to stop. She explains that Wen Ning is only mostly dead. Like, if he was fully dead would she be okay with this?

Wei Wuxian tries to reel Wen Ning in and realizes that he is not actually in control of Wen Ning. Ok, see, right from the first day of Wen Ning 2.0, WWX is aware that his control is iffy. Why does he think he’s going to be able to control him later?

Anyway, this is where we learn Wen Ning’s grown-up name is Wen Qionglin. Wei Wuxian yells this name, and Wen Ning looks up like a cat hearing the “food noise,” and then proceeds to get control of himself.

This is such a nice symbolic moment, that will be replayed later in the temple, when Wen Ning saves Jin Ling from Baxia.

Wen Ning has a remote-code-execution OS vulnerability throughout the story; his soul is at risk of being stolen, and he is magically controlled by Wei Wuxian, Xue Yang, Su She, and Baxia. Meanwhile Wen Qing, Wei Wuxian, and random kids on the street mostly treat him as a child, despite his clear adult capabilities. Wen Ning’s journey in The Untamed is at least partly about asserting his full adulthood, and his ability to overcome magical control is directly connected to that journey.

After getting Wen Ning to chill, Wei Wuxian calls the floating resentful energy back into his own body, which looks about as comfortable as swallowing a burp.

On the plus side, apparently resentful energy keeps your hair dry even when it’s raining.

Wei Wuxian should take a page from the guards’ book and slaughter all the Jin witnesses to this situation, but he decides to be the better person and let them live. They go running off down the road, where they encounter Lan Wangji and give him the 411, saying that Wei Wuxian resurrected dead people.

Meanwhile Wei Wuxian collects Wen Qing--half-fainted, again, in an echo of the start of their journey--and collects the Dafan Mountain Wen group, who are hiding, wisely. When they see Wen Ning, Uncle Four and some others start to freak out, but Wei Wuxian tells them that fierce corpses are cool, and they all grab horses and mount up.

Where Are You Going?

Lan Wangji is waiting for them, nonconfrontationally indulging in some visual poetry while he waits.

In a show where every prop is exquisitely, carefully designed to enhance our understanding character, his Gusu-toned umbrella reveals surprising red and yellow threads woven in, right above his eye line as he looks at Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian speaks first, saying “you came to stop me?” Lan Wangji doesn’t answer, but asks him where he’s going. Then Lan Wangji warns him that he’s about to abandon orthodoxy forever, if he follows through.

Wei Wuxian challenges this idea of orthodoxy, asking if Lan Wangji remembers the promise they made together, back in Gusu. It’s worth noting that they both appear to think of it as a co-promise, even though Lan Wangji didn’t speak aloud at the time.

The conversation will continue in the next episode, because what’s better than a rainy romantic cliffhanger?

Soundtrack: Four Sticks by Led Zeppelin

#the untamed #the untamed gifs #wangxian #wen ning #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #my gifs #episode 26

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crossdreamers · 3 years

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What the TV series “It’s a Sin” tells us about the tactics of anti-trans activists today

Over at Twitter Owen Jones reflects on the way the history of bigotry is repeating. The new British TV series It’s a Sin reminds him of how the tactics once used against gay and lesbian people is now used against trans and nonbinary folks.

Owen Peter Jones is a British newspaper columnist, commentator, journalist and political activist.

It's a Sin is a British television drama serial written and created by Russell T Davies. It is about the queer community in the 1980′s London.

Owen writes:

One of the most important themes in 'It's A Sin' was about gay/bi people and shame - caused by growing up in a society that saw gay/bi people as would-be sexual predators, violators of biological reality, threats to children, immoral, deviants, and generally undesirable.

While HIV rates remain significantly higher among gay and bisexual men, treatments now allow those with HIV to live healthy lives. Alcohol and drug abuse as a response to shame and trauma caused by homophobia is today a bigger problem in Western nations.

It's important to make this point because the evidence suggests that mental distress is even more acute amongst trans people, who are today the most marginalised and oppressed part of the LGBTQ+ world.

Anti-trans activists use the same arguments as the homophobes

Today, anti-trans activists play the exact same songs about trans people: that they are would-be sexual predators, violators of biological reality, threats to children, immoral, deviants, and generally undesirable.

Some of those anti-trans activists responded viscerally to being called out for enjoying It's A Sin. They are furious at being compared to the monsters who victimised gay people, even as they obsessively target trans people in the same papers that obsessively targeted gay people.

Some of them point to their past association with pro-gay struggles, or in some cases simply that they have been to gay bars before, as though any of this gives them a lifetime freedom pass to say whatever they like about other minorities.

But as It's A Sin shows, a society which made gay people feel unwelcome - as burdens at best and as menaces at worst - inflicts terrible damage on gay people. The same is being done to trans people.

However those who, in some cases, spend a genuinely huge amount of their lives talking about trans people as would-be predators or threats to children justify it to themselves, they are inflicting the same injuries on trans people as It's A Sin underlined is done to gay people.

The quadrupling of transphobic hate crimes, the 48% of trans people who fear using public toilets, the trans people discriminated against at work, the quarter who've suffered homelessness, all of this is erased from the "conversation", such as it is.

Even the focus on contexts which don't affect 99.9% of trans people - but which are used to attack all of them - namely prisons and sports deliberately excludes questions like 'Why are there no trans Olympic medallists?' or 'How do we stop trans prisoners being assaulted?'

Inflicting the same damage

The hounders of trans people may hate It's A Sin being used to hand them a mirror. But the anti-trans faction, who operate strikingly like a cult, are not only singing the same tunes - they are inflicting the exact same damage on trans people as gay people have long suffered.

oh and I've set this so only people who follow me can reply because, although anti-trans activists have made a conscious decision to relentlessly and obsessively target me, and I can live with that, I don't want trans people to have to sift through their bile.

“Gender critical” parents who are harming their kids

Some other thoughts.

One of the most powerful themes towards the end of It's A Sin is Ritchie's mother being confronted by Jill for the damage she inflicted on her gay son, suggesting that the shame she instilled in him helped drive behaviour that led to his infection with HIV.

"Actually it is your fault, Mrs Tozer," says Jill. "All of this is your fault." Jill adds: "The wards are full of men who think they deserve it."

She was right. So many of the gay and bisexual men who died often lonely deaths in hospital wards were traumatised by their parents.

Today, most gay people have gay friends who have mental trauma which often leads to alcohol and drug abuse with absolutely catastrophic consequences. Many, all too many, have had friends who've died from suicide. The culprits? Society in general but often parents in particular.

It's A Sin showcased the LGBTQ family, of other LGBTQ friends filling a vacuum left by the absence of a loving family. A big role of that 'family' is to pick up the pieces because of the damage inflicted by parents on their children.

When parents refuse to properly accept their LGBTQ children for who they are, they insert ticking time bombs in many of them. That bomb may detonate in their 20s, their 30s, their 40s, who knows, maybe in their 50s or 60s. But in many of them, it will detonate.

This is why there is a genuine horror watching self-described "gender critical" parents ranting about trans people on the internet. Because I can't help but think, oh god, what if they have trans children. What damage will be inflicted upon them.

In some cases, the bigotry of anti-trans activists - often radicalised by newspaper columnists, online rabbit holes, and somewhat perversely, Mumsnet - will collide with reality. Read this about an ex-'gender critical' activist and their trans nephew.

But in other cases, transphobic parents will stick determinedly to their guns and inflict the same damage on their trans children as homophobic parents have always inflicted on their gay children. We should be clear: homophobia and transphobia are forms of child abuse.

Hiding behind the argument of protecting their children

Both traditional homophobes and contemporary transphobes claimed they were protecting the welfare of children. As anti-gay campaigner Anita Bryant declared: "As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children".

Today's anti-trans activists use the language of 'safeguarding' and often suggest that parents know what's best for their children. This is clearly not always the case. Lots of children need to be protected from their parents. That includes many LGBTQ children.

So when this Times journalist attacked Mermaids, a charity supporting young trans people, for including an 'exit button', suggesting it was 'a major safeguarding breach'. Many LGBTQ children don't have supportive parents and need to hide their identity away from them.

Anti-trans rhetoric echoes anti-gay arguments

Anti-gay rights campaigners long focused on the danger posed by predatory gay men to vulnerable children, and pointed to scandals in, for example, the Scouts and the Catholic Church as evidence. Today, anti-trans activists similarly extrapolate extreme cases to make their case.

In the 1980s, it was claimed an all-powerful gay lobby was putting political correctness ahead of people's well-being. The same language is used about the objectively marginalised trans minority today. The second screenshot is from this weekend's Times newspaper.

That's why so many gay people stand up for trans people. Trans people, of course, are in our shared LGBTQ spaces, and their experiences do differ in important ways - but we see them going through the exact same things we've gone through.

It is, frankly, grotesque that gay people who for very obvious reasons stand with their trans siblings are then vilified as misogynists, or have obvious homophobic tropes about wanting to endanger children's safety thrown at them.

It's also perverse that many of the same people publicly cooing over It's A Sin are the same people trying to hound the LGBTQ allies of trans people out of the media (they can't really do this to trans people because there are very few trans people in the media).

LGB people attacking trans people

As for the LGB people who participate in the hounding of trans people. There have long been examples of oppressed groups who participate in oppression, often against themselves: women against the Equal Rights Amendment and feminism, right-wing black Republicans, and so on.

These anti-trans LGB activists are not only completely unrepresentative of LGBTQ people: many queer bars and spaces bar people who express their bigoted opinions for very obvious reasons: to ensure they're safe spaces for the whole LGBTQ rainbow.

Watching straight people try and foment a civil war within the LGBTQ world by platforming these completely marginal bigoted zealots is actually completely and utterly grotesque.

Finally (!) in the 1980s, almost the whole media was anti-gay, and public opinion was overwhelmingly anti-gay. Today, almost the whole media is anti-trans, but while transphobia is rampant, anti-trans sentiment is not as widespread as anti-gay sentiment back then. There's hope!

But it takes huge courage to speak out in support of trans people in Britain in 2021. One day, there will be TV programmes about the onslaught against trans people. Those who victimised trans people today will be portrayed in them. They'll go down in history as hate figures.

Sadly, it's too late to save all too many LGBTQ people who had ticking time bombs inserted into them both by society and by their homophobic and transphobic parents. They detonated. But we can save others from that fate. So speak up.

Read the whole thread with other comments here!

Read also Michael Cashman: Loss and anger raged in me after watching It’s a Sin – the stigma we faced in the 1980s is now being directed at trans people

Photo of Owen Jones: Antonio Olmos/The Observer

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#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtqa #transphobia #homophobia #terf #terfs #gender critical #lgb alliance

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pokedashwarrior55 · 3 years

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ULTRA LONG TIME TWIN HEADCANNONS

@sippin-on-waterfalls your post is ready

From Pokedash and Purplefern

Ooooooookay here we go.

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-Krux perceives time slower than others so he is easily late to events (plus he gets distracted and way into projects so he can easily lose track of time, ironically) so he could end up missing a lot of Elemental Alliance meetings

-Acronix made sure he informed Krux it was time to go (whenever he remembers, anyway) otherwise he’d be uber late all the time. Good thing they always go together

-Acronix is super early all the time because of his powers and he and Griffon Turner’s grandfather got along really well

-All the same, between lack of attention span, focusing on other things, and not caring for the meetings in general, Krux and Acronix miss a LOT of meetings

-Before alliance meetings Wu is training little Morro and the Twins and the Master of Speed just waltz in the monastery doors an hour early

-Acronix teaches Morro some sick fighting moves (some rather underhanded)

-Krux advises him to never let people get away with harm cause you are the most important thing in your life. (Revenge!)

-Wu be like plz stop encouraging my kid into violence and dishonorable tactics.

-Krux brought refreshments to an EA party exactly once. It was pickled beet tea and nobody liked it. He took it very personally.

-Back during the war, the love triangle with Misako was actually a love rectangle. Krux had a crush on her too but he literally had no idea how to act on it so his part of the rectangle was staring at her longingly from afar and not saying anything.

-Yes Acronix teased him immensely about this. And tried to act as a wingman several times but Krux swore if he did he would murder him

-Pre-series, Misako would do work for the museum a lot, so she ended up working with Sanders Saunders quite often. Despite her relationship to Wu and Garmadon and their “history”, he did like working with her ok

-They both also worked with the Explorer’s Club a lot, and have equal disdain for Cecil Putnam and Clutch Powers

-Krux hates Cecil’s stuffy rules (even though he couldn’t show it while being Dr Saunders) and Clutch’s….everything

-Krux’s doctorate is real, and he has a doctorate in History and and Master’s degree in Museum Studies

-He’s the Curator of History at the museum, and the other curator is the curator of natural sciences

-Acronix is a big nicknames guy. He doesn’t usually call people by their actual names. Only the people he actually cares about or that he super hates.

-But he also generally despises nicknames given TO him. The only people allowed to call him Nix/Nixie are his brother and mother (and later Shannon).

-Krux only calls Acronix "Nix" if he's feeling particularly vulnerable/scared/etc (so like, when being the older twin isn't feeling that fun and he decides to ignore those 3 minutes and be more like the "younger" twin.) So this becomes a lot less as he becomes more arrogant.

-(Based on how he describes Dareth getting beat up by the Vermillion warrior) Krux likes watching wrestling. It’s a guilty pleasure of his

-And of course Acronix loves it once he learns about it, so the two watch it together

-Krux occasionally plays strategy board games. He tried to get Acronix into them but he found them boring.

-(Sometimes he’ll suck it up and play with him anyway, though.)

-Both are sass masters

-Both also like science

-But like completely different facets of science.

-Krux of course likes the more stable and earthy sciences. Biology and geology, ecology. Those elemental science that have always existed but we just haven’t yet understood them

-Krux is also a total history nerd. Things like paleontology and anthropology are also really interesting to him

-Yes he was a dinosaur kid. (Especially since dinosaurs had just started to be discovered back in his day.)

-Acronix of course likes advancement and the otherworldly sciences. Technology, Astronomy. Sure we build upon the discoveries of the past but what about creating something new for the future?

-Acronix does like bioengeneering since it is a new advancement but he knows saying so would make Krux grin with “I told you bio was cool” vibes

-Krux can engulf himself into his work or his schemes for days. As he is very patient.

-Acronix is less so. He sees time constantly moving forward so sitting idle to “Plan” seems a ridiculous waste of time.

-He jumps from activities quickly as the novelty of it wears off and he is always on a quest for what's new and what may work, not really what has been confirmed to work

-Krux of course sees this as a fool's errand. We need to respect the knowledge we have and use it and plan with it.

-But when they are in sync you should be SCARED

-Both thinking in the Present can make them in perfect harmony, Both in fighting and talking.

-Their different planning methods can help eachother get things done. So yes, when they work together you should be scared

-Krux can get really fixated on an idea, and get into major creative blocks. Acronix helps propose out of the box solutions that keep his ideas moving forwards that he wouldn’t have thought of himself.

-But as we see they can also be reeeeallly different and fight over the miniscule things.

-Krux lingers on Grudges easily as he physically cannot not put value to the events of the past.

-Acronix’s main grudge with the alliance came from his ego and arrogance, not his element. I think he feels very internally about wrongs to him in the moment but if he sees nothing really changed a couple of days later he loses interest in holding such a grudge easily

-Each of them have the ability to not be affected by the other’s powers

-Acronix has no patience to listen to anything he doesn’t want to hear. Back when he had his powers he COULD and WOULD just “skip” peoples’ dialogue if he got bored of it.

-Krux has a bad habit of “freezing” people if he feels like they’re interrupting him. Like, he will freeze people who are trying to get him to stop working on something while he’s trying to get something done, and then get back to them when he feels like it. Everyone has to work on his time. (Annoyingly, this does not affect his brother, which is why Acronix is the only one who can actually get him to stop working on his projects.)

-Whenever Krux & Acronix would hang out with Chen, Acronix loved messing with Clouse. Clouse reminds him of his brother, but even more stuffy and annoyed somehow, so he just has an instinctual urge to annoy him as much as possible.

-(Clouse does not appreciate this, but Master Chen says they’re “important” to his plan so Clouse just suffers quietly.)

-Acronix likes the Master of Speed, but also finds it annoying that he can resist his slo-mo powers by going really fast. (On the bright side, though, this does make him the closest thing to an equal he’ll get for a sparring partner, if Krux doesn’t want to train with him for whatever reason.)

-Because of his element, Sound is one of the rare people who doesn’t really mind Krux but REALLY dislikes Acronix. Acronix is just so loud all the time and it physically pains him because he is so sensitive to vibrations and volume. Krux is generally pretty quiet so doesn’t bug him as much.

-Acronix is an Entrepreneur (ESTP) and Krux is an Architect (INTJ)

-They have no Feeling whatsoever

-Otherwise, they are complete opposites

-Both of these personality types hate rules, regulations, and micromanaging restricting authority figures (hmm, wonder why they broke away from the alliance…)

-Acronix is arrogant in the way that he doesn’t care about his flaws, because obviously he is awesome and everyone else is just jelly, Krux is arrogant in the way that he hates people pointing out his flaws, because shut up he doesn’t have any

-Their mother is Polaris, they take after her physically

-Father is Kronos, they got their powers and ego from him

-Their father actively encouraged them to have immense pride in their element -- being the former master of time himself

-Ordered them the sweet matching armor

-He was a samurai back in his day, which is why the Twims wore samurai helmets.

-Between their two loving parents, the Twims were nearly spoiled

-Krux and Acronix grew up pretty rich, Kronos was pretty much high society and Polaris was too

-They went to a fairly fancy private school growing up

-But everyone there were snobs so they didn’t get along well with their classmates (what a surprise)

-Their parents died in a skirmish with Serpentine, leading the Twims to join the alliance full of vengeance.

-Acronix has a battle scar from being grazed by an anacondrai sword on his left pec cause I said so

-Also a lot of misc snake bit scars and a burn scar from that one time (Ray’s got a bad temper and Acronix likes pressing people’s buttons, so that went super well)

-Acronix super cares about his looks so has a ton of, like, haircare and beauty products. Krux has a single bottle of 3-in-1 and a bar of soap and says that that’s sufficient.

-Back in the day Acronix had a bunch of oils and whatever for his hair, and when he’s in the present he’s got a bunch of fancy shampoos and such. He’s definitely the vain one of the two twins

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A collection of Neurodivergent Twims HCs

-Acronix has ADHD and Krux is autisitc

-Acronix is early, but only to things he remembers. He often forgets dates. And Krux will get involved with something else, and has a warped sense of time. Together, the two miss a lot of EM meetings

-And when they’re at them, neither of them are good at conversations. Acronix talks a mile a minute and doesn’t let anyone get a word in edgewise. Krux either doesn’t talk to anyone or similarly dominates conversation and doesn’t let anyone else talk.

-The two also get sent on solo missions alot

-They don’t focus well in a group setting (Acronix generally ignoring the plan for what he prioritizes as the better option and krux simply not being popular with the others and only really battling well beside his brother)

-They are generally strong enough to protect a village by themselves

-The other EM work better with them out of the way since they are “annoying” and no one really likes their arrogance, pride, or entire personhood

-They seem to be happier working only together than with the whole group

-Once during a group charge on a collection of Serpentine races Acronix notices a horde heading in a different direction and follows them impulsive

-All of these things together make them especially unpopular with the other EMs

-Especially with the Master of Ice, who considers their actions disrespectful and often scolds them on their behavior

-Krux and Acronix can BOTH get hyperfixated on things they are interested in, and can also forget to eat and sleep.

-Acronix struggles with insomnia a lot because his brain doesn’t shut up. Luckily his brother never really sleeps either. They spend a lot of long nights talking about nonsense

-Acronix tries to use time skip powers to not waste time while sleeping. He skips the night, but he still didn’t get sleep. He crashes after a few days of this and Krux tells him that he’s a moron

-Acronix has a fidget spinner, which he got for the memes but ended up finding unironically helpful, and gives Krux a fidget cube (which Krux reluctantly accepts and actually does use pretty often.)

-Before learning what a fidget spinner was he would flip his phone a lot. It was both an easily accessible stim and assurance he knew where it was cause he tended to leave things around at random.

-Krux used nail-biting as a stim, mostly because it can appear pretty neurotypical

-Acronix is “annoying” around the ninja during his lil redemption arc, but instead of reacting like the elemental masters, the Ninja actually do research and come to an understanding (especially Zane, who is perceptive, understanding, and has an instantaneous link to the internet).

-Altogether he’s a little surprised when they actually put effort into tolerating and understanding his differences. Huh. How’s bout that?

-Jay is also pretty understanding, he’s got a lot of nd cousins and has ADHD himself so it’s kinda just *shrugs*

-Modern dyes and preservatives really trigger Acronix’s ADHD to be even worse than usual.

-Zane picks up on this, and like the mother hen that he is starts to put in a special effort to keep dyes away from Acronix (or to keep Acronix away from dyes, as the case may be)

-Jay has a similar problem with dyes (which Edna let the Ninja know about, thanks a lot ma ) so Zane works double time to keep them both away from dyes

-Makes special dishes that are “ADHD safe”

-Neither appreciate it (well Jay does but will complain openly at every chance he gets)

-Acronix got into a lot of trouble with their dad when he was a kid, because he just couldn’t pay attention

-Has bursts of anger a lot, oftentimes this happens during things like parties or pre-meeting conversations. (which easily leads to him getting a label of “aggressive” or “hotheaded” by the EMs)

-DEFINITELY struggles with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

-Ninjago history is Krux’s special interest

-Krux freezes people around him when he needs a sec to destim

-Krux is pretty high-functioning, but is on the borderline. He's high-functioning enough to be aware of himself and mask, but not enough to avoid things like shut/melt downs

-Acronix is fiercely protective of his brother whenever he shuts down. Messing with Krux while he's like that (whether the antagonist is aware or not) is a one way ticket to his wrath as well as physical punishment.

-Whenever things got too intense at a meeting/party type thing, Acronix would ditch and sneak them both out whenever Krux was heading towards a shut down. Being the awesome supportive twin that he is, he learned to pick up on the signs of one and was certain to prevent them pretty much whenever possible.

-Acronix failed in his efforts only once (he was kind of sick that day and wasn’t at the top of his game to be keeping a watchful eye on his bro), and Krux kind of ended up time freezing a few of the EMs in the process. It was something the elemental masters (or Krux himself) did not soon forget or forgive.

-He'll go nonverbal sometimes, to the minor aggravation of the alliance. Sign language isn't a thing yet so anyone trying to understand him when he's like this are pretty much reliant on Acronix and his twin sense to translate.

-When their parents died Krux went nonverbal for a little over a month.

-Krux was pretty delayed in learning to speak, he didn’t say his first word until he was 3 ¼

-Even during his redemption arc, Acronix does not tell the Ninja about Krux's autism, from a built in fear that the knowledge would be used against him in possible future battles. (Also because he knows Krux wouldn't want them to know.)

-Krux doesn't just hate phones because “ugh technology”, he also just hates talking on the phone because it’s super difficult

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OK there are way more that we have but... did you know there is actually a word limit on Tumblr? Heh heh... If you want more Twim goodness you can read our extensive fanfic collection... or maybe we’ll make a part two (That’ll probably consist of Home life pre-war stuff, post-canon AU junk, Vermillion family nonsense, and more random stuff)

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cosmicjoke · 3 years

Text

Man, I love chapter 123 of SnK! It’s really the last time we get to see every, core member of the SC together and not at odds, and there’s something incredibly bitter sweet about that. I won’t talk about all the events in this chapter, or Eren’s behavior or motivations, because I know they’ve been discussed at length already, and since we already know how that all turns out, there’s no point.

One thing I want to talk a little about though is how it’s in this chapter where I think we really start to see a kind of open, deeply vulnerable despair in Levi. I want to talk about why I think we really start to see that here.

In the scene following the incident with Ramzi, after Levi saves him from the angry mob, the SC members are all at Azumbabito’s estate, discussing what they overheard the crowd saying, about blood testing and their expressions of hatred and fear for the Eldian’s. This was the SC’s first, real glimpse of the kind of prejudice held against their kind by the outside world, their first time really seeing it in action, and how deep it runs.

Levi’s expression in these panels strikes me as the most resigned, really, as the saddest, along with Hange I supposed, and I think it’s really important, and interesting. Hange I think because they’re in charge of this mission, and the weight of its success rests on their shoulders. But the reason for Levi is, I think, different. It’s kind of easy, through the course of the story, to forget where Levi comes from, and what his background is. He’s the only one there who came from the Underground City. And the Underground was a place where the unwanted, rejected, disowned people of society within the walls went. These were people who didn’t hold citizenship above ground. A subset of people who experienced, every day of their lives, very real prejudice and tangible rejection from society. They weren’t allowed to live above, would be deported back Underground if they attempted to leave, unless they were able to buy their way up, which of course most of them couldn’t hope to ever do. They were, within the Walls, second-class citizens, or even less, considering they weren’t afforded the recognition of citizenry even. And so, Levi, being from this place, being born into a place where he was automatically denied the rights and privileges and benefits of every person born above ground, born into a situation in which he was, through no fault or action of his own, deemed an undesirable, a pariah, determined to be a lesser being, by simple dint of his birth, he has here a unique understanding of what it is they’ve all just experienced. Levi is really the only one among them who understands what it feels like to be prejudiced against, and how pervasive and impossible to overcome those prejudices can be. I think this is why, while most everyone else in this scene looks almost angry, and even affronted, or just neutral, Levi has such a look of despair and resignation on his face. He understands the pain of prejudice, because he lived a literal lifetime of it, for longer than most of the people in that room have even been alive.

I think this also played a part in why Levi was the first and only one to act when the mob around them started really threatening Ramzi, picking him up and running. Again, because of his experiences growing up, no doubt having been through something similar in terms of being regarded by others as somehow less than human, somehow less deserving of humane treatment, etc... again, simply by dint of his birth. Levi understood the danger of the situation, and how rapidly it was growing in danger, before anyone else, and he acted. I don’t think it can be overstated at all, how important and meaningful is Levi’s experience with prejudice, with being treated as a second-class citizen, with being treated like a lesser being. He’s really the only member of the SC who’s dealt with these things before, who lived such an experience before, and not for a short time, but for the majority of his own life. It really allows Levi a unique ability among all of them to comprehend the battle they’re all facing, and a unique ability to understand the consequences and trauma one suffers from experiencing genuine prejudice. It’s one reason I scoffed at Zeke’s proclamation that Levi could never understand what he’d experienced growing up, or what he understood about the world, because out of everyone in the SC, it was Levi who could have understood best of all. But of course, Zeke never gave him the chance to even try.

Also, Levi saving Ramzi was just such a genuinely heartwarming thing to witness. Actions speak louder than words, and Levi’s actions always betray his soft heart. I also think it’s interesting that he stops Ramzi from stealing Sasha’s purse, but then when Ramzi later steals his own, Levi just shrugs it off and says he doesn’t care anyway. He doesn’t want Sasha to lose her spending cash, because she, along with the other members of the 104th, are all having such a good time, buying food from all the stalls, etc... Levi is looking out for Sasha here, and wants all of the kids to have a good time, and at the same time, isn’t thinking about himself having a good time at all. Levi really just gives off the impression here of severing as a supervising adult, haha. He doesn’t show any real interest or concern with this big, new world around them, with all these things none of them have ever seen or experienced. Instead, he tells Eren, Armin and Mikasa to “stay with the group”, observes with unease how Connie and Sasha and Hange are making too big a deal out of seeing a car, and how it’s drawing unwanted attention to them, keeps Sasha from being robbed, etc... People make jokes all the time about Levi being a “parent” to the 104th, but it’s because he DOES act like a parent, his main concern being the safety and well being of his group. I just think it’s incredibly sweet and endearing. Levi’s just such a good person.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #snk 123 #meta #thoughts

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thekidsarentalright · 3 years

Note

Hey wanna share your thoughts on I've Got A Dark Alley from futct?

ooo boy okay, yes i would love to share my thoughts on i've got a dark alley. i have many thoughts on this song, as it destroys me emotionally and i relate to it a concerning amount! (TW: suicide is discussed in this, stay safe <3 as always, i don't love looking at songs from the perspective as the artist because that feels kinda invasive idk so i look at them from a story/fictional perspective, but this is an exception bc dark alley is SO personal to pete and also me lmaooo... analysis under the read more <3)

So... I’ve got a dark alley is almost undeniably about Pete's suicide attempt, or at least his general mood/emotional state around the time of it. It opens with “Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "best friends" / We're the kids who feel like dead ends / And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses / I took a shot and didn't even come close”, which is like A Lot to sift through but in general this verse is making a simile between being told something (a joke, if you wanna take it literally) awful and emotionally difficult to hear/feel and kisses shared ‘jokingly’ between ‘best friends’... clearly, pete here does not just view this person as a friend, but something leads me to believe the other does... a first devastating thing for him listed in this song. ‘We’re the kids who feel like dead ends’, Pete is identifying himself as part of this group, part of a group of ‘kids’ who feel like they’ve hit a wall, they have no where left to go, and no potential in themselves to make it better. One could argue fob makes music for kids who feel like this (they do) and Pete is signaling that he understand how that feels, because he IS a kid who feels like a dead end. “And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses / I took a shot and didn't even come close / At trust and love and hope / And the poets are just kids who didn't make it / And never had it all” are all the same thought stream all going towards that he doesn’t want to be known for his shortcomings, for things people view he’s done bad or wrong, he doesn’t wanna be known as a kid who feels like a dead end... i believe the next line is saying he took a ‘shot’ at trying to become known for more than that (one could say his suicide attempt was this shot, it very well could be, or just... any attempt Pete made at making himself more likable back then) but didn’t come close to, he didn’t come close to gaining trust, love, or hope in a metaphorical sense but also in the sense that in his shot, trust love and hope were what he was putting at risk with the hope he’d come out the other side better- happier- but it didn’t work. The next lyrics go on to him sort of identifying himself as ‘a kid who didn’t make it, and never had it all’, because i feel its safe to say Pete is a poet and is aware of this, and identified himself as a ‘kid’ in the past so- Pete is saying he took this shot a trust, love, and hope but fell short, and was once again being a hopeless poet who didn’t make it and never had any of that in the first place. The chorus continues to stream of consciousness type writing the first verse and pre-chorus had, with the repetition of ‘and’ showing that these are all thoughts coming at him in rapid succession, burying him in them, I believe. The lyrics echo this too- the ‘record’ (life) won’t stop skipping, won’t stop moving and going forward and lies won’t slipping from him (makes me think of people lying about being okay when they’re not) And while everything is falling apart for him, his reputation is on the line too. So, he can’t be visibly going through this, he can’t be depressed, he can’t be suicidal, he can’t be bipolar and have all those things known because it’s all so stigmatized- and his career is just starting off. It would ruin his reputation. So, Pete fakes it, forces smiles even though he feels dead inside because he can’t stop comparing himself to everybody else around him as his life falls apart. “Please put the doctor on the phone, 'cause I'm not making any sense / Blame everyone but me for this mess / And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart / We never seemed so far” is the second verse, discussing (perhaps obviously) that Pete feels he has truly gone off the deep end, he needs a doctor/therapist (this line reminds me of that one lyric from disloyal order) to come help him because he’s gone (genius annotations say this is directly about his suicide attempt, and i suppose it very much could be, but the meaning is the same either way). However, he’s putting responsibility for going off the deep end on everybody else, as he seems to feel wronged by the world, society, etc. for letting him become so isolated, so depressed, for the stigma around mental illness. ‘And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart’ is saying that Pete’s heart feels so heavy from all of the above, again, the isolation, the stigma, the pressure on seeming happy when he isn’t, the way life is going by so fast even when he’s frozen... it’s destroying him, breaking his back, even. It’s no way to live, needless to say.

“I'm hopelessly hopeful / You're just hopeless enough / But we never had it, at all” is a call back to the last pre-chorus with the ‘never had it all’ part in common. I feel this is the only part of this song possibly about romance, possibly saying that he hopes (hopelessly, at least he’s self-aware) whomever he’s talking to is as hopeless as he feels so they can be miserable together, but he recognizes that they never would work together (perhaps because the counterpart isn’t as hopeless as he is? or because he took a shot at love and didn’t come close to it?). After this, the chorus repeats and reinforces what I stated before about it- life is coming at him so fast against his consent, he keeps lying about things, but his reputation is on the line so he has to lie and life has to keep going because he can’t not be okay- he has to be okay.

Overall, this song is like seriously depressing. Their most emotionally vulnerable, depressing fob song to date, I’d argue. Pete himself has said they’ll never play it live because it’s so personal, which is understandable- he reveals it all, he reveals how he feels so hopeless and lost, how society and fame is putting pressure on him to seem okay when he isn’t, possibly how ending it all would make it all just go away and give him what he seems to truly want- to be known for the good things he’s done, for the ‘hits’ he’s written, he wants love and trust and hope from someone special, sure, but more importantly from the world. I’m happy it seems he’s got all of that now.

#feel free to rb (its encouraged actually)!#2005 pete i wanna hug you so so bad i love u #like writing this was a Lot because this song is just a lot. it means a lot to me n i relate to literally all of this #so thank u for asking me to do this one! despite being a lot it was fun to do! incredible song #asks #anon #lyrics.txt

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nurseofren · 3 years

Text

TW: body dysmorphia, body talk, binge eating, disordered eating, my mother, fatphobia, depression, weight mention

It runs deep and it starts so early.

I feel I should write this without generalizing, as I think body dysmorphia/binge eating/eating disorders are very personal and individual experiences, so I don’t want to group anyone into this.

So I guess I’ll start off with why I felt the need to get this out of my head: eating.

Eating hasn’t been an experience focused around nourishing my body in a long time. Eating is something very touchy for me. It has been even more so this past year. And I’ll get into that.

But I’ll just describe it as how it feels right now. It’s like this big secret. It’s something shameful. It’s something to hide. Because no matter the portion size, it feels like I’m doing something wrong.

“You are all of that?”

“Do you feel sick? You didn’t take that much food.”

As someone who detrimentally tried to please everyone, who tries to read the room and scope out the correct action, it’s been very confusing.

I have to bring up my mother. Because as much as I wish one issue didn’t involve her, I’m finding that’s true very little of the time.

She cooks for the family. Always has. And I was scorned for not eating something. Even if I didn’t like it, it would always end in “you are a stubborn child. You are a picky eater. You’ll eat what I make or you can make a peanut butter sandwich. I just suck, don’t I? Why do I even bother?”

So it’s confusing as a grown woman living with her parents — a situation I’m working toward changing soon, hoping for next Fall — to be told that i don’t have to clear my plate. And then I can not eat something and I’ll still get the aforementioned comments, but it’s not forced on me like it was when I was young.

It’s these learned behaviors that were expected of me at a young age that fester and leave me vulnerable to fits of BD, BE.

And then there’s another level to it.

“No we’re not getting [fast food establishment], none of us (i. e. my family who is fat) need that anyway”

“You only need a super small piece, it’s so rich”

“Those clothes weren’t made for big girls”

*justification of eating a meal because a prior meal was skipped*

“Those shorts look a little tight”

“Big girls shouldn’t do cheerleading, it’s embarrassing”

“No we’re not getting dessert! None of us need it, anyway!”

My mother is fat. I’m fat. I grew up fat with a fat mother. But I grew up fat with a fat mother who hates herself. Who called herself ugly and depreciated herself every chance she got. I grew up in a house where it was expected to cover your body, to wear baggy clothes, to buy clothes because they fit and not because you liked them.

And I could go on a full tangent on how this runs even deeper. How my mother views herself as a lost cause, who deems herself unlovable or unworthy of being loved because of her body — and how, ultimately, I never learned how to take care of myself because she never took care of herself.

Calling women high maintenance because they got their nails done, because they scheduled hair appointments, because they bought shoes and clothes they loved more than once bi-annually. And as a kid, I obviously wanted to believe my mother.

So I saw these women with pretty painted nails, and I saw them with their daughters who were my age, I saw these pretty girls with the nice nails and the skill in makeup, and I thought I was above them. But really I was just so buried under the self hatred of someone else that I didn’t see that those people did those things because they cared what they looked like, that they saw it was important to take care of themselves in a way that let them feel good.

And I was jealous. I was jealous because my mother never taught me how to paint my nails. Angry that I wasn’t worth the time for her to learn how to braid. Jealous of these other girls who tanned and were always polished. And then there was always me, biting my nails off every week in the shower because I didn’t know how to trim my nails.

But anyway, see I knew I’d tangent off w that topic, I have a very interesting relationship with my own body. Now.

I truthfully didn’t start really actively taking care of myself until early this year. I’d go months without shaving. I had no skin care routine. I would go days without brushing my teeth (which honestly is my very prominent sign of depression, when I stop brushing at all when I have nowhere to go and I’m still working on changing that).

In short, my outward appearance was very much for someone who loved me. And I never had one, so I didn’t see the point in keeping up with these routines. Why should I take care of my body if nobody is caring for it?

And last year I’d lost some weight by changing my diet, so people complimented that. And it just cemented to me that people only care about you when you’re smaller. People only positively notice you when you are skinny or slimming down.

So. I gained that weight back. I accidentally weighed myself at work last week and had it confirmed. I’m at my heaviest in probably two years. And I don’t feel shame for the number, or even the appearance of my body, but what really grates against me is eating.

There’s two sides to the nagging — the one that tells me to eat because I’m too far gone and it’ll be impossible to lose 120 pounds and find the elusive happiness that supposedly comes with that. And then there’s the side that angrily screams at me while I’m thinking of food, while I’m hungry, while I’m getting food, while I’m eating food, that just mentally beats me to a pulp.

“Maybe you’re a virgin who’s never been loved because you’re such a disgusting pig”

“If you don’t eat that, you’ll lose weight faster”

“If you start today, you could be at the BMI approved weight this time next year.”

“Just take a nap, you can’t be hungry while you sleep”

“Just eat smaller portions so you can shrink your stomach and decrease your appetite”

It’s just so exhausting. Having food be a salve, but having food also be the root of the issue.

Existing as a fat person in friend groups where they stand around and call their BMI approved bodies fat and disgusting. Hearing people fear fatness on a daily basis. Working with a preceptor who was grossly interested when my large patient wanted to weigh himself, like she was so involved in the situation because she viewed his size as shameful. Hearing her and another skinny friend go through photos of their high school classmates and act so disgusted and say “she blew up. She got big” about someone they graduated with.

It’s just all of these things. And then I accidentally take a video of my body when I’m taking risqué pics (😅😉) and looking at myself and…. Loving my body so much.

Knowing I’m at my heaviest in a while, and seeing my belly and curves and legit loving them. And seeing my body as this beautiful thing. This soft, cozy being worthy of love and affection and attention.

And then I hear these things. Everything mentioned above and I’m just “I’m not supposed to love my body because I am fat and there is no love for the fat girl”.

And there’s always been this forefront of a thought that I can be loved….. once I lose the weight. I can be loved…. after I’m below a size 12. I’m allowed to be shown affection and kindness….. when I’m thin.

It’s always been there. I never expected attention because I never deemed myself worthy of it. I still don’t most days. I’ve grown comfortable moving in the background of others’ lives because i am not a positive presence in my fat body.

No matter how kind. No matter how funny. No matter how smart. I am simultaneously too much and never enough for society. So I do not deserve those things thin people get without thought. Obviously.

So it’s all very heavy (hahahaha). I love my body, I really do, but I don’t deem it worthy of affection or desire. I complicate eating because obviously I’m fat and don’t need regular nourishment as the current fat existing on my body will be my sustenance because that’s how science works.

I’m trying to work on it. I’m trying to deem myself worthy of good things. Of food, of exercise not centered around changing my body, of clothes I’ve forever been told is “not for big girls”.

I’m trying. I am. But that’s where I am. Hopefully, if anyone has made it this far, I’ve made sense and perhaps made life a little less lonely for some people.

#admin #I think it’s worth the read if you think you’re up for it mentally #she’s a lil long but I’ve been sitting on this for a while.

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the-rawr-ster · 3 years

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Words for Proheroes, UA staff, and All For One

Warning: lots of cursing, minor spoilers, mentions of abuse, harsh words, and lots of yelling, and also mentions of suicide, depression, ptsd, ect.

Any of the characters I mention, I say I hate but I don’t and understand they’re human so they make mistakes. I also know they already know that I’m right and probably feel super shitty. I still want to put my two sense in.

So I made a post and some comments on tik tok about hero society in MHA. I didn’t get everything I wanted to say so here’s just a ranting dump about several characters and groups.

The only heroes actually can respect are Miruko Hawks. Let me explain why. Hawks literally called out the heros on their BS speeches. Which I really admire. He’s blunt, which is an extremely respectable trait to me in most cases. And he’s very passionate about the work he does. He cares about people but unfortunately because of how he was brought up (manga spoilers here stop before you spoil it for yourselves). Just like many of 1-A, but also very different, he was quite literally raised to be a tool used by the military for their bullshit. And I think this might have changed based on who saved him. As many of you might know, Hawks grew up in an extremely toxic environment, I won’t get into the nitty gritty deets. The one that got him out of that was Endeavor, his favorite hero. He was his favorite hero growing up. But that only goes so far. Hawks respect for Endeavor (like many of his fans) was because he wasn’t fake, he didn’t pretend to like people, he didn’t pretend to smile. Endeavor was very different from many of the other heroes (horrible father and husband though (an okay hero though, which I think is part of why Stain hadn’t killed Endeavor even though he had plenty of opportunities)). Now we haven’t seen much of Miruko as far as I know, but just from her couple of minutes on screen in the anime, we can already guess that she respected Hawks. She likes how Hawks rolls. He’s confident, laid back, and he’s not a bullshitter. And just for that I can respect her. I also think Bakugō should be the number one hero but that’s a story for another time. I also have respect for Sir Night Eye and I’m sure I don’t have to tell you why because you can figure it out.

Now let’s get down to why I fucking hate hero society. Let’s just start off with the fact that it’s almost identical to how it would be if superpowers existed. There would be quirk discrimination, there would be people that abused their powers, ect. Ect. But most of all, heros get away with anything (much like cops irl). They use violence to stop violence, which goes completely against what heroes say. And we see this with All might a lot. Heros with flashy powers get noticed more than others. YOU SENT CHILDREN TO WAR!!!! THAT IS IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM OKAY!!! THOSE CHILDREN ARE FOREVER GOING TO BE TRAUMATIZED BY THAT SHIT! And I understand that at some point they’d have experienced something, but when they chose to be heroes it was a time of piece, but then for whatever reason everything went south. Regardless, these kids brains are still developing, idk how but this will definitely change the way their brain develops. Honestly I’d be surprised if none of them ended up commiting. I don’t want them to but in their mental state they’d at least be thinking about it. I actually wrote a fic about a pro-hero commiting. I could write an essay on why heroes suck balls, but that’ll be done another time).

As much as I’d like to talk about each individual hero, I really want to talk about UA students and Staff, and why the staff sucks potato juice.

Let’s start with the obvious one, Nezu. HOW DO DOZENS OF VILLAINS INFILTRATE ONE OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS SCHOOLS? THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE, obviously your security system fucking sucks. NOT ONLY THAT BUT YOU ONLY HIRED ALL MIGHT BECAUSE OF HIS STATUS AS A HERO!!!! HES A HORRIBLE TEACHER!!!! AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT YOU ALLOWED ALL OF YOUR STUDENTS TO BE PUT ON BLAST FOR MILLIONS TO SEE, talkin bout some “We HaVe SoMe Of ThE bEsT heRoeS.” THATS bullshit because y’all lost an entire child to a lizard, a magician that puts people in marbles, and a musty old man with blue flames. If y’all produce the best heroes, y’all wouldn’t have lost Bakugō in the first place. AND WHY DO YOU LET MIDNIGHT WALK AROUND WITH SEX TOYS????! And you put all of your students in one place for all the LoV to have access to them. Yes there’s security, BUT SERIOUSLY? WILL YOU EVER LEARN?????

Next, is Present Mike, I love you man but HOW DID YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE TELLING EVERYBODY AND THEY MAMA THE NAMES AND QUIRKS OF THE STUDENTS???!!!! Like Nezu may have enabled it but you could have chosen to not do it.

Aizawa, OH SIR DO I HAVE WORDS FOR YOU. I’m sure you might already know this, but you should know I know. You’re one of the worst teachers, coming to a close second to last place on my list of horrible UA staff. First of all, you hardly taught your students proper combat training. That’s one of the most basic skills every hero needs. You’re slacking dawg (sorry for the disrespect Hound dog). Secondly, HOW DO YOU CONSISTENTLY LOSE YOUR STUDENTS? HOW DO THEY ALWAYS END UP OUT OF YOUR SIGHT? Like you’re really good at hero’s stuff but you’re slacking as a teacher. And why? Why haven’t you punished Mineta yet? It’s literally as clear as a sunny day that he’s a pervert. He is consistently making inappropriate comments and sexually harassed/assaulted several of your other students, and this is outside the LoV attacks, while you were on duty. Oh and let’s not forget about you emotionally manipulating your students!!! YOUR STUDENTS!!!!!! Needless to say I have a hate love relationship because I know he cares for his students and is not prone to favoring, unlike some *cough cough* all might.

MIDNIGHT, I respect your drip and your feminism. I just hate how you were written. YOU LITERALLY WALK AROUND WITH SEX TOYS!!! What do you even do? Like what’s your job at UA? I see you so often but like, what is your purpose? I love you though, and I wish you’d step on me.

ALL MIGHT, OMG I HATE YOU ALMOST AS MUCH AS I HATE ENDEAVOR!! FAVORITISM FAVORITISM FAVORITISM!!!! OMG IT IS SO PREVELANT IN YOUR “teaching.” You treat Deku so differently from the way you treat Bakugō. And I understand that they’re different so they have to be taught differently, by HOLY HELL! You borderline cheered for Deku when he fought with Bakugō. AND YOURE A SHITTY HERO FOR THE WAY YOU TALKED TO DEKU WHEN YOU FIRST MET HIM!! What if he didn’t grab onto you? What if he did what Bakugō said and jumped? You’d be responsible for that in a sense, because you made him feel worse than he already did. I respect you for being upfront with him, and that’s not what the issue here is. Deku was clearly emotionally unstable!!! You didn’t even teach him how to use his quirk, HES BARELY EVEN 16, how does that make sense to you? Anyways moving on to my biggest pet peeve with you, YOU PUT MY BOY IN CHAINS AND A MUZZLE KNOWING DAMN WELL THAT HE WAS FUCKING TRAUMATIZE, WAY TO GOT MR.NO.1 HERO!!! WAY TO FUCKING GO!!! AND THEN EVERYONE JUST SAT THERE AND WATCHED!!!! YOU COULD HAVE HANDLED THE SITUATION BETTER!!!!! HE WAS CLEARLY NOT OKAY WITH IT!!!! DO BETTER! YOU HUMILIATED HIM IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF VIEWERS!!! THE LoV treated him better and they didn’t even know about his trauma!!!! I have so much to say about all might, and some of them are positive too but I’ll probably do a post on that next Wednesday, but for now we’ll be critiquing. HOW DID YOU EVEN BECOME A TEACHER? I feel like there should be more qualifications than being a good hero. BUT ANYWAYS, YAK my whole deal with this man.

Those are all the UA staff I really have beef with, but I also love their characters and how they were written. Now onto my beef with some of these parents.

Mistuki: You’re really the only parent I hate. I understand Bakugō tried to hit you, but where the fuck do you think he got it from? He didn’t become violent and aggressive out of the blue. He got that shit from you. And will you please get your son some hearing aides, my ears bleed every time I have to listen to him scream. And you should’ve been more reluctant to let Bakugō stay in the dorms. And your yelling is not helping Bakugō. Ask yourself why he hates being around you? I understand that you care about him, but punishing your child by hitting them is not okay, period, wether it’s just a slap or not.

I ko: I LOVE YOU TO PIECES! I can’t hate you. I have so much respect for you, but you shouldn’t have let Deku stay in the dorms. I know you wanted him to be able to experience his dreams, and that you felt so guilty about him growing up without a quirk, but Inko, it’s not worth losing your baby over. You were right to be upset with All Might, PERIOD.

ALL FOR ONE!! I HATE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING!!!! YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF SHIGIRAKI IN A VULNERABLY STATE AND GROOMED HIM TO BE A VILLAIN!!! AND YOU KILLED HIS GRANDMA!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!! HE WAS A CHILD!!! HE WAS GRIEVING!!!! HE WAS UNSTABLE AND YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT!!! YOU DISGUST ME!!!!

And a big Fuck you to hero society for turning children into soldiers. A big fuck you for letting these children experience traum on that scale! A big fuck you for not saving Shigiraki! A big fuck you for being so full of shit!!!! A big fuck you for making people feel less than for being without a quirk! A big fuck your for being an overall piece of shit society!!

If you’ve made it this far, I apologize for yelling and cursing. Thank you for reading.

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straykidsupdate · 4 years

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STRAY KIDS INSPIRE THEIR GENERATION TO PICK UP THE MIC

K-POP’S YOUNG DISRUPTORS NAVIGATE ADULTHOOD ALONGSIDE THEIR FANS

Stray Kids are fighting with their fans to determine who adores the other most. The fans started it, erupting into an impromptu chant inside Microsoft Theater in downtown Los Angeles: "We love you! We love you!," they shout, repeatedly. The sound is deafening, catching the boy band off guard. The eight members retaliate with their own impassioned chorus. "We love Stay," they respond, referencing their legions of international devotees. Both sides scream until, ultimately, Stray Kids admit defeat; they stand awkwardly onstage, apparently unsure how to receive the unrivaled adulation. Bang Chan, the Korean group's steadfast leader, looks around the venue in awe, while sensible vocalist Seungmin makes a heart with his hands and points to the crowd, resolved to have the last word.

This is not the first time Stray Kids has lost the battle of who-loves-who. It’s happened in cities across the United States, from New York to Dallas, amidst their District 9: Unlock world tour. It's canon, chiseled into the group's short but colorful history, alongside such viral moments as "Seungmin in the building" and "I'm not gonna leave you behind." Displays of affection between idols and fans are nothing new but, with Stray Kids, they’re never forced.

"It doesn't matter how old you are," Bang Chan tells the crowd mid-show, intensity building with every word. "It doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, or whoever you choose to be. It doesn't matter where you're from — everyone is welcome in our special district."

Two weeks prior to this performance, Stray Kids — Bang Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and I.N — are gazing from a conference room in a Times Square skyscraper. The sky is gray, but that doesn't deter Hyunjin from posing for a series of selfies against the floor-to-ceiling window. As the lithe dancer works his angles, his bandmates are scattered throughout the room. Han props his phone against the room’s A/V controls to watch an anime; Bang Chan hunches over his own phone, thumbing the screen intently; Lee Know rests his eyes; and Australia-born Felix gossips about last night's Grammy Awards. Like any teen, he's obsessed with Billie Eilish, and her historic Grammys sweep is hard for him to fathom. "Can you believe it?" he says, eyes wide and sparkling. "She's only 18. It's amazing."

But at 19, the deep-voiced rapper, whose delicate features betray his cherry-red hair, has similarly found success at a young age. Within a year of their 2018 debut, Stray Kids received 11 rookie awards and released five EPs. In fact, while Eilish and her brother Finneas were crafting homemade beats in a Highland Park bedroom, JYP Entertainment's tenacious boy wonders were honing their own unique sound in a small studio in Seoul, South Korea. Members Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han comprise the group's primary production trio, 3RACHA, and they've been making music together since their trainee days in 2017. Introspective early tracks like "Start Line" and "Runner's High" laid the foundation for Stray Kids' sonic identity: With the disruptive power of punk, they deliver astute, poignant lyrics about the bristly experience of growing up and its side effects.

"The things we worry about and the things Stay worry about — we share a lot of the same struggles," Han tells MTV News. "Even though our ambitions are different, we work hard just the same. It becomes our inspiration musically." As the creative force behind two of the group's more vulnerable cuts, "19" and "Sunshine," the 19-year-old rapper reveals his innermost thoughts and anxieties to the fans. But that honesty can be frightening.

"It's nerve-racking for us," Bang Chan says. "Sometimes we think, 'If we talk about this, will people understand? Will they relate?' We're always thinking about how we can reach people through our lyrics because we want our music to help."

That empathy has been woven throughout their music from the beginning. Stray Kids’ first singles, the pre-debut track "Hellevator" and the darkly riotous "District 9," are full of angst and aggression, soundtracks for those who balk at societal pressures and follow their own rules. "My Pace" is an empowering anthem teeming with energy and affirmations. ("Don't compare yourself with others," Bang Chan sings on the hook. "It's OK to run slower.") Songs like "Voices" and "Side Effects" offer an intimate glimpse into the tumultuous mind of a young person still figuring out their place in the world, while "Miroh" and "Victory Song" are bursting with big sounds and youthful bravado.

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"Young people today may feel a bit trapped, like you're constantly being told what to do and you feel like you can't speak for yourself," Bang Chan says. "So we want people our age to feel comfortable speaking out and talking about what they think."

By encouraging their fans to examine their own growing pains, to feel everything, they ensure that their message is never didactic. "All strayed steps come together to make a new road," they say at their concert. And with their latest release, "Levanter," off their sixth EP Clé: Levanter, Stray Kids come to the understanding that the journey is more meaningful than the destination, and the path ahead is ultimately theirs to define. So they double knot their shoelaces and dash full-speed ahead. "We might not know what the actual goal is, but as long as we're running hard and we're running as a group, whatever comes is going to be good anyway," Bang Chan says. "We just wish that a lot of people out there could listen to our music and get a lot of energy and hope from it."

Like 25-year-old Selina, who connects to their lyrics because she's "still on that journey of figuring out what I want to do and who I want to be," she says, clutching her Stray Kids light stick (a compass, now featuring Bang Chan's name written on the handle) outside of Microsoft Theater. Her friend Joseline, 18, likes that the members "have other priorities and interests outside of being a K-pop idol" that they reveal through daily Instagram posts, livestreams on the V Live app, TikToks, and weekly YouTube videos and vlogs. "He's not just Han from Stray Kids, he's Han Jisung — rapper, producer, and person," she adds.

For Kambree, 17, the group has a "positive vibe" that makes her feel happy and accepted. "They make us feel like family, no matter who you are or what you look like," she adds. Her best friend Lexxie, 17, says Stray Kids "make me feel like I'm not alone with my issues." And So Yun, 30, finds their mix of "hard-hitting EDM" and "super angsty" lyrics reminiscent of the emo bands she listened to in high school. "It's the same rebellious spirit that I felt as a teen when you want to be your own person and figure out your own voice."

Their music has given Louis, 30, a newfound perspective. "I like the ['Levanter'] lyric, 'I want to be myself, I don't care' — that line resonates with me because we live in a society where people try to mold you, but at the same time, I just want to myself and at this point, I really don't care!"

Best friends Ella and Jazlynn, both 19, met online through their mutual love of Stray Kids, and they've customized their light sticks with glitters and holographic stickers of their favorite members' names. "Half of the group is technically my age, so I can look at them and see how successful they are, and it gives me inspiration to work harder," Jazlynn says, an I.N banner at her side. And while they do feel comforted by the authenticity in the group's songs, as Ella explains, it's who they are off-stage that many fans connect with most. "When you see Felix do the Renegade, it's like, 'I do that too!'"

Their ability to ignite the stage with powerful performances while staying true to themselves behind the scenes — as both K-pop's reigning meme kings and young men navigating adulthood — is what makes Stray Kids so relatable to a generation that experiences much of their lives online. "This generation is comfortable being alone," Changbin says. "We have our phones. We don't always need to be talking to each other to be together. Sometimes a text is fine."

And they're pretty normal, too. Bang Chan and Changbin watch videos from Tomorrowland and Ultra Music Festival to help clear their minds in the studio; the tracks "Road Not Taken" and "Stop" are the direct results of such self-care. Han's idea of a perfect day would be to "not come out of my room for 24 hours." If he could spend all day watching YouTube videos, he would. In fact, he says "Sunshine" was inspired by a scene in the Korean drama Boys Over Flowers, where the main characters travel to an idyllic private island. Though Han’s larger-than-life presence dominates the stage, he identifies as an introvert and admits he hopes to "overcome" his shyness. "On my ideal perfect day, I'd try new experiences and meet new people comfortably," he says. "You can do it!" Bang Chan adds, encouragingly.

Youngest member I.N makes time to go shopping, though he prefers to "chill" on his days off. And when Felix isn't playing video games or destroying kitchens with Seungmin, he frequents Seoul's finest dog cafes. "We have so many dog lovers in our group," he says, smiling. "I've been looking at a lot of dogs, and I feel like they help you feel better. I really want a dog with the team." Jisung points at Seungmin, whose nickname is "puppy," and Bang Chan adds, "We already have one." Seungmin scrunches his nose and says, "No way!" (But Han insists he's a "really bad boy.")

Meanwhile, Hyunjin, who’s known by fans for his theatrics and commanding stage presence is extremely open with his emotions. He frequents V Live, where he offers personal advice to viewers of his video series Hyunjin’s Counseling Center. But the 19-year-old admits that opening up to Stay has helped him, too. "I don't always have a lot of confidence," he says. “When I want to be comforted or when I’m feeling kind of sad, Stay are really good at consoling me. I want to be able to repay that comfort in full."

"The connection between Stay and Stray Kids would be family," Felix adds. Han jokes that they're the "annoying and mischievous" little brothers. But it's that sense of connection, among the group as well as with their fans, that has cemented Stray Kids as the vital voices of their generation.

"The struggles we're going through — anxiety, stress, school, love — they tell us to take our time and see where our path leads," Selina says. "It's OK to stray from it. Just stay true to yourself. I always associate that with them. The idea of 'You Make Stray Kids Stay' is to find out what it is that grounds you and just keep going."

And Stray Kids don't plan to slow down any time soon. Having wrapped their Clé series at the end of last year with Levanter, 2020 offers an exciting fresh page for new musical experimentations, starting with the three original unit songs the group produced for the tour. "Wow" is a sexy R&B track from dancers Lee Know, Hyunjin, and Felix. It's also their first explicit love song. "We wanted to try a sexy song because it's a special stage," Hyunjin says, explaining that the dancers worked on their own lyrics in addition to helping with the slinky choreography. "We wanted to include moves that we haven't tried before," Lee Know adds, noting that they wanted something sexy and powerful. "So it was a new experience."

"My Universe," featuring vocalists Seungmin and I.N with an assist from Changbin, is a bright pop ballad. "I always wanted to try something like that," I.N says, eyes smiling. Seungmin tells Changbin from across the table, "Thanks for helping." And 3RACHA's "We Go" oozes confidence over a scorching trap beat. "We made 'We Go' last time we were here [in the United States]," Bang Chan says. "We made around three to four songs in one day… The performance is really fun as well. And those two [he points to Han and Changbin] got to have the chance to use Autotune live."

They also released their first English singles in January, a process that rapper Changbin, known for his furious flow, calls "difficult." ("It was fun," Hyunjin argues beside him.) "I was listening to Changbin's rap [in 'Double Knot'] like, 'Why is this so fast? What am I going to write?'" Bang Chan says. "I tried to write it as easy as possible so that he could speak it well. I'm really glad that they could record it really well for me."

In March, they'll debut in Japan. And there's another mixtape project in the works, kicked off by the digital release of "Gone Days," a relaxed, Autotune-laced anthem for the "OK Boomer" generation. A play on the Korean word kkondae, it describes someone who pushes outdated ideas and expectations onto another based only on their age and status — and signals the arrival of a bold new direction. "I think [young people] now just need to be more comfortable with themselves," Bang Chan says of his inspiration for the track. "By being yourself, you never know what's going to happen."

"I always believe that one person can change the world," he adds. "So if you have a thought or an idea, just let it out. Because who knows? You can make the world a much better place."

#stray kids #200227 #ot8 #era: clé levanter #t: article #MTV News

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holographic-chogi · 4 years

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Protector pt.18/?

Author: holographic-chogi

Pairing: fem!reader x skz

Warnings: swearing, abuse, violence, the cold.

A/N: So, I’m very torn on whether or not I want to do a sequel. I have another story I’m planning for sure, so there will be more content regardless. However, I kinda love writing these characters so if you guys want to see more, I’d love to continue with this universe. We aren’t at the end yet (we’re a few chapters away) but we’re approaching. Lol and to anyone reading all these author notes for the first time, I’ve been extending the story quite a bit, hence me saying we’re getting close to the end all the time. As always, feedback is welcome and appreciated!! Hope you guys enjoy!

Summary: a virus has wiped out most of humanity, and society has collapsed. People survive in groups where they live in constant fear and a struggle to survive. Women were the primary victim of the virus, leaving few behind. You are one of the few, kept in secret since the beginning. However, you’ve just been caught.

Masterlist

The overwhelming soreness was the first thing you noticed.

You woke up on the floor, sprawled out beside the bed, back to the bare wooden floor. As you became more and more lucid, you became aware of the several points of pain spread throughout your body.

Your left shoulder, your right forearm, your neck. Your wrists. Not to mention, a nasty headache.

You forced yourself up, limbs shaking from exhaustion and overuse. Would it have killed you to crawl into bed before passing out? You guess you could cut yourself some slack this time.

You lean back, flinching as your back cracks in various places. Sore was absolutely an understatement.

You flinched as your door swung open, a feeling of dread sinking in as it revealed Hyuk on the other side. He seemed very nonchalant as he eyed you and the room up and down.

“Damn. He really did go to town.”

You don’t bother responding, choosing instead to continue stretching out your back.

He clears his throat, and you finally spare him a glance. He looks smug. “Taeil sent me over to make sure you weren’t still tied up.” he crossed his arms, licking his lips as he continues to stare you down. It makes you shudder. “I almost wish you were. I bet you’d like that, hm?”

You narrow your eyes at him. You feel vulnerable in your current state, especially with this man looking at you like you were prey.

He continued, kneeling down to your level. It was then you realized that his look was becoming one of lust, no longer just smugness.

“Strip.”

Your eyes widen and your knuckles go white from the grip they have on your forearms, completely ignorant of the pain it causes. You couldn’t handle another one of these sick freaks, not the way you are now.

You can’t hold back the exhale of relief once you hear the knock at the doorway.

“Hey, I’m here to pick her up.” Hyoseob’s voice, thank god.

Hyuk looks back lazily at the open door, before looking back at you. “Next time, then.”

He strolls out, as if nothing had happened. Clearly Jiho and Taeil weren’t the only people to fear in this place; you couldn’t be any less safe.

Hyoseob walks past him, and the two don’t exchange so much as a nod before Hyuk closes the door behind him.

As soon as the latch clicks, Hyoseob’s visibly relaxes, before scanning you up and down warily, “rough night?”

You burst out laughing, unable to ignore the hilarity of that understatement. Your whole body radiates pain as your shoulders shake; your voice think with hoarseness as you use it for the first time today. “Yeah. We’ll call it a ‘rough night’.”

He snickers a little, “Yeah, you look like shit.”

You chuckle a bit more, before letting your laugh die down. “I bet.

He sits on the floor next to you, “any specific reason you’re on the ground?”

“I think I fell asleep down here last night,” you pause, “Or maybe passed out.”

He nods, holding out a hand to you, “ready for breakfast part two?”

No. You’d even rather have another date with Taeil. Just the thought of Jiho’s face made your entire body tense. “I’m guessing I don’t have much of a choice.”

He spoke solemnly, “you probably don’t.”

Luckily, he had grabbed your good hand as he hoisted you up, pulling you to your feet as you winced. You wobbled a bit on your feet as vision spotted black, gripping Hyoseob’s shoulder to keep yourself from keeling over. “Sorry, I’m just kinda lighthea-”

You freeze mid sentence, clutching your gut as overwhelming nausea radiated from your stomach, “I-I’m,”

You vomit again, doing your best to lean away from Hyoseob as you lose what little contents of food you had left. When you look back at Hyoseob, you see his face clouded with worry.

“What happened to you?”

“I’d rather not get into it”, you croaked. Your voice sounded terrible.

He nodded knowingly, “You’ve obviously been strangled, from the bruises and vomit, and,” He raises your right arm, revealing the burn on your arm, “And you’ve been burned. Anything else I should know about?”

You look at him blankly, voice deadpan, “My other shoulder is dislocated. Pretty sure my wrists are fucked up from those ropes too.” You nod towards the ropes lying loosely on the ground beside your bed.

He slowly lowers your hand, “We need to see if you can walk on your own. If you can’t, we’re gonna need to push our plan backward a few days.”

You pull out of his grasp, determined, “Oh absolutely not, I can walk.”

You start trudging towards the door, ignoring your body screaming at you to rest. “I can’t survive another day in this place.”

---

You were sitting back at the table from yesterday, nervously tapping your spoon as you were taunted by the empty seat in front of you. Hyoseob was beside the table again, eyes directly ahead of him.

You whispered under your breath, “What am I gonna tell Jiho about the bruises? You said they were visible.”

He looked down at you for a second, pointedly, as if to say ‘you know you aren’t supposed to talk to me in Jiho’s house’.

Then you heard the steps, and the familiar racing of your heart continued.

However, to your surprise, Jiho rushed past you, beelining for the door. “Sorry, can’t stay for breakfast. There’s been someone spotted nearby on patrol.”

You open your mouth to ask who, but Hyoseob notices and beats you to it, “Anyone we should be worried about, sir?”

He shook his head, “He’s gone now, but that Thai kid from JYP was spotted snooping nearby, so keep an eye on Y/N” He glared at you, “seems you can’t stop causing trouble.”

Your heart thuds in your chest. Bambam? What was he doing here? Did the others know something was wrong? You kneaded your hands together, smiling to yourself.

Little did Jiho know, you really, truly, weren’t alone.

Jiho scoffed at your expression, turning towards the door before adding, “He won’t get far.”

Sure about that? The man has some long legs.

As the door closed behind him, Hyoseob spoke from behind you. “We should leave now, nevermind waiting until tonight.”

You whirl around in surprise, “are you sure that isn’t too risky?”

He nods, “Everyone’s gonna be distracted with the intruder today, and no one will question us being alone, since I’ve been assigned to protect you.”

It makes sense. Excitement begins to bubble in your stomach as you stand from your chair, breakfast forgotten. “Then let’s get the hell out of here!”

He chuckled before gesturing to your plate, “Food first.”

---

Despite the hurry the two of you were in, you couldn’t deny how good the chilly air felt. The snow was obviously an obstacle, but it looked so pretty as it collected on the ground.

You had been “escorted” to your room to grab your things, and the two of you had traveled through the forest from there. The snow clouds above made it difficult to identify the cardinal directions, but you could still make do.

However, the pace the two of you were going at was fast. Faster than what was comfortable, especially in your condition. Your breaths were ragged as you tailed behind him, a familiar burning feeling returning to your lungs.

When you vomit the first time, Hyoseob stopped to cover it, making sure it’s untraceable. It’s a common after-effect of being strangled, but with each time you did it, he appeared more and more concerned.

You braced yourself against a tree with your good arm as you retched, fingers numb as they clutched the bark.

“Fuck, Y/N. Can you make it?”

You nod vigorously, wiping your mouth before staggering over. “I’m fine. Keep going.”

Could you? You weren’t sure. What you were sure of, is you would die trying before staying another second at that hellhole. You’d much sooner give your life to the winter before any of those men, any day.

And so you kept going. You tried paying attention to your surroundings, but Hyoseob just powered forward. What surprised you, is that beside your own fear, he seemed terrified too. He had seemed so calm and unmoveable before, but you couldn’t miss the trembling in his fingers as he pulled you forward. You’d blame it on the cold, if it weren’t for the look in his eyes.

Like wild game just before you shoot it between the eyes.

Suddenly, you hear shouting in the distance, and the two of you freeze.

You look up at him, squeezing his hand in reassurance. “It’s okay, it sounded far off.”

He shook his head, gripping your hand tightly. His breath showed in a cloud as he spoke, “Not far enough, and it’s in our direction. They’re tracking us.”

He released his hand completely, “I have to throw them off now. You’re on your own from here.”

You shivered as he rubbed your forearms, trying to warm you up before he departed.

“Stay traveling in this direction until you find a clearing, there’s usually a ton of rosehips there, but I can’t guarantee it because of the season.” He turned away from you, ready to bolt. “From there, there should be a path to the left that takes you to the farmhouse. It’s long, but you can make it.”

You smile at his retreating figure. “Rosehips can survive the winter just fine.”

“So can you.”

Taglist: @leetaemintrashnumber1 @peachescherryheart @lico-rice526 @claire4799 @lanie-is-a-unicorn @tottalbabe

#skz #skz reactions #skz fanfic #skz scenarios #stray kids #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids reactions #stray kids scenarios #protector #dystopian au #apocalypse au

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vaguely-gestures-to-the-void · 3 years

Text

Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

As always, thanks for being here my friends. There’s definitely more nuanced discussion of this show, but I’m here for the vibes. Anyways, here’s my thoughts on Episode 3 of Loki. Bear in mind I hadn’t watched episode 4 before I wrote the review for 3. No hate on anyone/thing, it’s all my opinion.

Episode 3: LAMENTIS

Pre-title scene

I rioted when I heard Hayley’s voice. It’s a win for all of us.

C-20! Sylvie!

C-20’s lil dance was adorable. I love her.

I want Sylvie’s tie dye.

Is that Ralph Bohner?

The same place, but at night. Coincidence? I think not.

Sylvie’s powers have limits. She can’t search someone’s mind and take information, she needs them to willingly tell her though she can use her powers to do that.

TVA

Sylvie’s experienced. Always tie your hair into a bun before a fight.

Her music is nothing like what we’ve heard previously. It’s the Sylvie show folks.

The mural on the left side of the hall is the one from the credits scene.

The plaque above the elevators says ‘FOR ALL TIME ALWAYS’.

Even in the mural on the right side, the Time Keepers aren’t equal, the middle one takes up the most space.

Ravonna!

I love how their movements are similar. The head-snap-hair-flip combo is nearly identical, reflecting how they are the same person to some extent.

2077 Lamentis - 1

“Get off my leg!” SiblingTM energy.

“Goodbye, variant.” She sure has the Loki drama.

I finally remembered it’s called a TemPad. Rip.

“Don’t ever call me that.”

“Tech savvy?”

That’s so Ragnarok.

I love the music as we pan up to the planet. It’s the familiar, anxiety-inducing ticking for me lads.

“You idiot! This is Lamentis - 1.”

“I don’t know what that means!”

My siblings when I can’t restart the router (every country has an AT&T).

I like that it’s a moon that’s inhabited. It’s nearly always the planet, still not great for the people on it.

That slide to get under the dump truck was so smooth.

“So we’re a team now?” Jesus Loki needs friends. Probably a good therapist too.

“Didn’t need your help!”

“You’re so weird!”

I like the way Tom runs. Don’t know why. Just do.

Sidenote, my favourite running form is Chris Evans’.

Sylvie’s magic flickered so I genuinely think the enchantment didn’t work.

“Well then I’ll cut it out.” I like the way she says that. I am questioning so many things rn.

“Just because I have to work with you doesn’t mean I wanna hear your voice.” It’s ironic since they spend so much time talking about themselves.

“Alright, well, slow down… Variant.” They really play off each other’s egos to find weaknesses.

“You don’t know what you want.” Sylvie’s more straightforward in everything she does. She efficiently points out Loki’s flaws but when it comes to a goal, she’s meticulous.

“...just walk away.” Loki stops walking, but Sylvie does walk away. There is distance between them (for now).

I’ve had experience with mining towns like this one and whilst they weren’t so out-of-this-world (ya know) there is a tendency for rural and isolated communities to struggle with old/not maintained infrastructure. This is not everywhere, but it’s not uncommon from what I know. Even though these towns are a source of wealth, there isn’t distribution of the money and it’s a grim reality that’s being shown. I appreciate it.

The shot of them walking past a slab of that planet towards the hut is incredible. Wow.

The person in there is just waiting for their death. I’m going to be addressing a lot of the harsh realities in this episode folks so it won’t be so cheerful.

I understand that people weren’t so happy with this being a filler episode, but I think they got it right. It’s strange that a literal planet-moon collision doesn’t bring the tension that the hurricane did in the last ep, but by having an atmosphere that wasn't so omnius, they conveyed (to me at least) that hope was already lost. In the Roxxcart Disaster, the people believed that it wasn’t going to be the end. There’s desperation on Lamentis - 1 but as Sylvie said, the collapse of society occurs. That’s a large group of people realising that class divides will cause slaughter. It’s greed portrayed in two different ways, one being the integration of excessive capitalism into society, the other being social structure based on oppression. Not everyone’s reading into Loki like this but it’s a change from how Marvel usually approaches conflict.

We learnt about the characters and whilst I’m not a fan of when a plot line is moot (my bet is that Loki and Sylvie will be rescued next ep, making all the attempts to get off Lamentis - 1 pointless), it’s necessary for the characters to develop. The way Loki and Sylvie end up on Lamentis - 1 makes sense and the plot doesn’t feel forced.

“It’s remarkable that you made it as far as you did.”

Devils is recurring in this episode. Maybe this has implications on future episodes?

“Which one was that, diplomacy?” Why are their interactions so funny?

I don’t think I need to comment on the significance of the train station scene.

I would like to acknowledge that though this is good writing that’s relevant in the time it was released, we shouldn’t forget it’s coming from large corporations who aren’t perfect.

How do they just walk past the line?

The people who snitched were right in front of them.

Did the cat get Loki’s silvertongue? That was the most graceless lying I’ve ever seen.

Sylvie not sitting with her back to a door makes sense, but why won’t Loki go backwards on a train? They both have little quirks.

“That’s not a plan. That’s just doing a thing.” Loki went to the Thor school of planning, it’s Get Help all over again.

Loki’s exaggerated nods at the other guards lol.

Sylvie growls whenever she’s mad, it’s hilarious.

The close ups of their faces when the conversation gets personal and isn’t just trading jabs is great for conveying the authenticity of their answers.

Loki not pressing Sylvie when she clearly didn’t want to talk about what happened to her mother is something I appreciated.

Here’s to Tom for having to do magic for more than 10 years now. He’s so serious, I can only imagine how funny it is without the effects.

“Well she did.” Yeesh, has Loki gotten time to grieve?

Sylvie is genuinely impressive.

“Pity the old woman chose to die.”

“She was in love.”

I don’t quite understand what they were talking about then, I guess we’ll find out later?

Loki, why are you so unnecessarily dramatic?

I laughed. Who am I kidding, they’re dorks and I love them.

Loki is trying to find out anything, anyone who could be used against Sylvie.

Here’s to the postman, they’re probably dead but we appreciate Sylvie’s happiness anyways.

“A bit of both. I suspect the same as you.” AND THAT’S HOW YOU WRITE IN REPRESENTATION FOLKS!

Let’s just take our scraps and be happy, eh? It made my week.

They both need real relationships of any kind, guys.

“Love is… uh, something I might have to have another drink to think about.” Me whenever anyone asks me about my love life.

“You do realise… ...a civilisation’s only hope?” I think this was Sylvie’s way of making sure Loki’s (albeit grey) morals and drinking habits don’t interrupt her plan.

The train sure gives me Snowpiercer vibes.

Do I have to talk about Drunk Loki?

Tom’s singing voice is lovely.

Sylvie’s eyes shift nervously to the door and then back to Loki. She’s initially tense but she relaxes slightly though she knows she’s gonna have to clean up the mess.

“Nobody cares. It’s the end of the world.” Again, Loki’s headspace is one where existence is futile.

The green walls contrast the purple lighting nicely.

You can see plants (?) from the outside if you look out the windows. Talk about attention to detail.

Bruh what is the dagger about? Drunk Loki’s a comedic genius.

The descending notes in the background of Loki’s fireworks.

Sylvie’s smile when she goes to attack is animalistic. I’d like to see her character explored more in terms of how she views violence.

YEET.

“You’re right. I’m a god.” Loki’s defense mechanism is to state that his motives are above the understanding of others.

“You’re a clown.” Sylvie tells it as it is.

Loki and Sylvie’s reactions to the TVA contrast the most here. Sylvie is potentially motivated by vengeance or a need for revenge whilst Loki has resigned to numbing the pain (for now at least) as he comes to terms with his reality. The question of what drives you is so important for these characters, I’m excited to see whether they’ll find a common ground and wreak havoc on the sacred timeline.

Loki and Sylvie both struggle with communicating in a healthy way. Sylvie calls him out on his directionlessness and Loki tells her what may be the harsh reality of her plan. Neither of them are willing to accept it, but there’s potential for a strong bond if they do.

Sylvie’s scream lmao.

I love the colour of Loki’s pants.

Problem? Solution! Do thing! Is Sylvie’s method of thinking when all is lost.

Gosh I love the shots in this episode.

“That’s a pretty good life.” Sylvie’s definitely not lived as a royal, or not from what she remembers.

“I just need to know if I can trust you.” Sylvie giving up how she enchants people is an olive branch because as useful as the things that Loki told her may have been for manipulation, they both know the importance of her upper hand. But she only relents once Loki doesn’t have the TemPad. Later, when she asks whether she can trust Loki, it’s more of a reassurance because he’s already been vulnerable around her.

The actor’s body language and facial expressions are incredible. Loki’s eyebrow’s furrow slightly when Sylvie mentions C-20’s mind but Tom takes a second for the information to be processed rather than instantly reacting to Sophia’s next line. She does the same when Loki talks about the TVA workers being created. What skilled people they are.

The city is a wonderful piece of set design.

“We do, and you can.” They step into the light, neither of them have tunnel vision and are able to see a bigger picture.

“They’re gonna let these people die.” This show explores a side of Loki we haven’t seen before, his morality and compassion. He has grey areas that could be explored in the next season. It also points back to how Sylvie and Loki differ in their view of others. I think this is partially because of their childhoods. Loki was raised as a prince and cared about his people, but Sylvie doesn’t share that perspective (“...they usually survive”), maybe because of her past. Hopefully in the upcoming episodes we’ll get a bit more of her backstory.

That sequence is beyond words. The constantly rotating and revolving camera really hammers home that it’s a disorienting fight for their lives at the end of the world. I’m speechless, just watch it.

The music in that blue-purple-pink club was banging tho.

Loki and Sylvie’s posture, facial expression and general body movement is similar. The variant point is hammered home here.

It’s interesting how Loki is in shock/denial of the Ark being destroyed whereas Sylvie immediately leaves.

The end music of this episode is beautiful. I love how it all builds to leave us on the soft tones of Dark Moon.

No one’s interested, but my mum and I bonded over the Jim Reeves version of this song and the Bonnie Guitar one.

Ep 3 review

Short episode with not much going on other than character development. However, if the first two were anything to go by, this episode will have greater implications on the plot. The pacing of this show is a bit strange, but we may see this change in the next season.

I mentioned previously that it would be a shame if the entire plot of this episode was made irrelevant by how they get off Lamentis - 1 next ep. This show has been really good at keeping us on our toes with the writing so they probably won’t take turns that have been speculated.

Happy mid-season guys! The following two episodes were apparently Tom’s favourites so we can expect some mayhem up ahead. See you next time!

Here's the link to my Ep 2 review

#loki #loki review #loki (2021)#i've stayed inconsistent in all these tags and i'm not about to change #my opinion #opinion #loki spoilers #spoilers #spoiler

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heavensdog · 4 years

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Do you have like a glossary about the characters? Who they are and what they are? Appearance and powers. that kind of thing?

Not really! Though it might be fun to do profiles, since I’ve caved and decided on canon designs for everyone haha . . . .

I’ll do a quick break down for everyone, though this might contain mild spoilers! These are all the named characters so far, excluding Emi’s parents.

Iriel Lovelace -- Iriel Lovelace is the mascot character; they used to be a rabbit, but after the Agent of Heaven moved out, they took on a human form in order to help with day to day life and also provide some emotional stability . . . but this unfortunately also left them vulnerable to human emotions and they caught some bad feels. They have a combat form they aren’t supposed to use, and they find out in act two that they also have a mysterious past they known nothing of. It’s a bit of an adjustment. Pink hair, silver eyes, tall and given to wearing bulky, somber clothing.

Lapis du Obsidienne -- Lapis is an elf, basically; they were the bastard child of the head of the most prestigious family in their society, who gained an elevated position once their dad’s first wife died and he was able to marry their mother officially; this resulted in them feeling incredibly isolated, which Phantom du Mirage used to manipulate them into unsealing her, before wiping out Lapis’s entire civilization and putting them in a coma for a few millennium. Lapis’s powers are a bit vague for the time being, but they’re able to bring out people’s dark sides and turn them into literal monsters, and Phantom du Mirage uses Lapis’s powers in order to provide extra power to the other “generals” in her army (Flint, Delta and Harper). Scrawny, with tawny skin and freckles, dark hair and light blue eyes.

Aconite Rosewood -- A normal human who is super into the occult and horror movies and stuff. They grew up in a small town, which made being openly gay kind of awkward, but it was mostly okay. Phantome du Mirage attacked their home town, seeking to recruit them, so Aconite summoned a demon . . . and got Phantome du Mirage, who provided them with some of Lapis’s powers and the ability to transform, but not the ability to purify people’s hearts. When Delta helped them put two and two together, they tried summoning a different demon and got Abaddon. They specialize in sealing and binding energy, but are also handy with some other forms of magic, and they transform by letting Abaddon possess them. Average height, but seems mega tall compared to Abaddon, with (dyed) pink hair and brown eyes that look red in the right light. Very 1920s aesthetic, and also half Chinese, though they were adopted by a white family.

Abaddon Knight -- Abaddon was formed by branching off of Apollo; if we were to put it in human-centric terms, they’re basically like Apollo’s kid and also Apollo’s reincarnation? But like, once removed or so (So Apollo became Apollyon and Apollyon became Abaddon.) They have some bad history with Iriel that they don’t want to talk about because it’s kind of complicated, and they’re in a relationship with Rosewood, as well as Rosewood’s teacher in the ~dark arts~. Their relationship with Rosewood mimics Iriel and the Agent of Heaven’s relationship, which . . .they’re painfully aware of. Tiny (4′11″-5′2″) with white hair and red eyes and as many frills as they can physically put on their body. Also, while they’re gendermatched to the player on the surface, they’re genderfluid, and as their relationship with Rosewood becomes less fraught, they start becoming more fluid about their presentation as well. (Rosewood is Big Gay and doesn’t feel attraction for the opposite gender at all, so Abaddon is afraid of being rejected if they’re more ambiguous about their presentation; Rosewood knows they’re genderfluid but doesn’t wanna pressure them to open up faster than they’re ready to, and with everything going on they just have a high tension relationship at the beginning of the story.)

E. Nymbostratus -- Emilio/Emilia, or Emi for short (and nonbinary); their from a rich family, though their family situation is very, very complicated and they’re not on good terms with anyone except their mom, who died about a year before the start of the story. Iriel recruits them to replace the Agent of Heaven, and they take to it like a fish to water -- they have the same power set as the MC, but don’t have the same kind of instinctive control, and aren’t quite as strong. Still very powerful. They have brown hair that they used to bleach blond, and they used to have brown eyes, but becoming an Agent of Heaven turned their eyes blue, which is part of the reason they stop bleaching their hair. They tend to have a very chic and trendy style and are the tallest member of the group. They’re mixed latinx/white, and Harper Reed is their half brother.

Flint Burst -- An older brother figure to Lapis, Delta and possibly the MC; Flint is a himbo lol. He’s buff; red hair, piercings, sort of punk/greaser aesthetic; his power set is themed around fireworks, and he’s the most likely to get his hands dirty without relying on corrupting people’s hearts. Deceased.

Harper Reed -- A scheming, cold hearted sort; he’s Emi’s older half brother through their father, who was a mafioso before Harper killed him. Harper stands out among du Mirage’s Generals because his family was horrendous enough that he honestly sees wiping them out as a good thing, while the other three are like “holy shit what just happened” about it. He’s really happy to meet Emi, but it’s complicated because they’re obviously on opposite sides of the battlefield and also Harper has some bad self esteem issues lol. He does a lot of mind control stuff -- his music is hypnotic and he uses that to his advantage, so even without Lapis’s magic he tends to use people as puppets when he fights. Blond hair, blue eyes, dresses like he’s rich.

Delta Rush -- The Softboi Baby of du Mirage’s Generals. Deceased.

Coco Darling -- The Agent of Heaven’s ex-friend from high school. A tomboy who’s best friend fell in love with her childhood crush.

Vanille au Lait -- The Agent of Heaven’s ex-friend from high school. A girly girl who ended up dating her best friend’s childhood crush. Did she know? I’m not sure.

Kara Malls -- A guy with an unfortunate name who was childhood friends with Coco before middle school made their different social statuses very apparent. Ended up dating Vanille au Lait, but might have still had feelings for Coco Darling.

Phantome du Mirage -- The big bad. All I’m gonna say is that she has a cool fucking office.

#cast of characters masterlist #i'm probably not gonna get too much writing done today orz #but i'll get back on track tomorrow i promise #Anonymous #spoiler #general spoilers i forgot to tag this

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zi-i-think · 4 years

Text

6 | Drastic Decisions

Pairing: Zuko x Ama (OC)

Word Count: 7000+

.☽☼☾.

"I'm telling you, they're not the same spirits as the ones in that scroll." Aang told them while they sat on Appa's saddle.

"So they're different spirits who just look like the kemurikage?" Zuko wondered, trying to understand what exactly was happening.

"Maybe." Aang half agreed, but he didn't know how probable that was.

"Or maybe they're not spirits at all." Mai said what Ama was thinking.

"All I know is, on the roof of the flower shop that night? Those ladies looked creepy." Kei Lo shivered at the memory of them.

As they flew over the city, a loud chant caught everyone's ears. "A strong nation is a safe nation!"

"What the-?" Aang looked over the saddle down to the city. "What are all those people doing out in the street? It's the middle of the night?"

"Let's find out." Zuko narrowed his eyes at the crowd of men.

When Appa landed, Zuko, Ama and Aang jumped down as soon as they could. They ran to the little rally, finding Mai's father and the constable there. "Constable Sung! Ukano! What is the meaning of this?!" Zuko demanded to know.

Constable Sung's head hung low in grief while Ukano explained. "As I predicted, the spirit world has gotten completely out of control! Dark spirits have taken more children, including the constable's own son."

"Oh no!" Aang expressed verbally while Ama gasped.

"I'm so sorry constable." Zuko said. He felt angry with himself for being unable to do anything.

"I was unable to find you, Fire Lord. We had to do something." Constable Sung regretted saying, but also sounded like he'd been back into a corner and had no other choice.

"The Safe Nation Society-" Ukano started to speak before Aang interupted him.

"What's the Safe Nation Society?" The airbender wondered.

"Since Zuko's refused to protect his nation, a group of young volunteers have stepped up." Ukano had a devilish, manipulative smirk. "The Safe Nation Society are risking their own lives to keep us all safe!" The 'volunteers' stood at attention behind the overly proud man.

"But, how'd you get this many volunteers to assemble this late into the night?" Aang asked. His more optimistic perspective made him more curious to it all, but he also was investigative to the situation.

"In fact, not ten minutes ago, the Society saved a child by heroically sighting off Dark Spirits." Ukano ignored Aang's question.

"Hate to break it to you, but those probably weren't spirits." Aang almost shouted.

"Preposterous!" Ukano dismissed the claim without a second thought. Ama furrowed her eyebrows. He was up to something. She knew it. "I saw them with my own two eyes! Humans don't move like that."

"You're hiding something." Mai had snuck up on her father while he was speaking.

Ukano jumped back in surprise. "Mai! What are you doing here?" He tried to detract the focus from him to her.

"I can tell by the way you're talking." Mai narrowed her eyes. Observing his facial expressions. "What's your secret, father?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Ukano lied. Mai noted the single drip of sweat on his forehead and how he refused to look at her.

"Constable Sung." Zuko spoke to the concerned father. "Truly, I'm sorry about your son. We will find him- I promise you. But the curfew- all of this- was done without my authority! I will not be undermined!" Ama's eyes widened at Zuko's angry and authoritative tone. It's been a while since she's heard it. "Until further notice, you are suspended from your post!"

"Fire Lord, I-!" The now ex-constable stopped his protest and bowed. "I'm sorry."

"So am I." Zuko looked down at the ground in pity for the man. Sung's son was just kidnapped and Zuko had just suspended him from his job. Everyone was silent as Sung walked home in shame.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Ukano interjected. Ama wanted nothing more than to put the old man in his place. "Constable Sung was a good man."

"And you, Ukano." Zuko shouted. His anger and frustration with the whole situation was finally getting to him. And Mai's father wasn't helping in the slightest. "This society of yours will disband immediately or you will all face arrest!"

Ukano glared at Zuko momentarily before facing his Society. "Come, Safe Nation Society!" He ordered. "We will respect the wishes of the 'Fire Lord.' Let us return to our homes and stand idly by while our nation suffers!"

The Society went their separate ways home, Ukano was the last to leave, but not before turning to look at his daughter. "And Mai, when you finally come to realize the truth, you know where to find me." Mai scowled at him in return and said nothing.

"What just happened with Constable Sung..." Aang commented. "That was pretty harsh.

"I hated to do it, but I had no choice." Zuko said lowly. Sorrow was evident on his face, but he held no regret. The decisions that came with being Fire Lord weren't always easy to make.

"Fire Lord Zuko." An unsure feminine voice spoke from behind the group. They turned to look at the woman who spoke, her terrified daughter in her arms as she held on tightly to her mother. "With all due respect, the Safe Nation Society just saved my daughter. They're heroes, which is more than I can say for you."

Zuko's eyes widened in surprise as the woman left. He felt so torn inside. He had a duty to his citizens, but it seemed like everyone thought he was going about it wrong. Aang gave his advice, and it was a better choice than what Ukano proposed. For Ukano to go behind his back was uncalled for and wrong, but Zuko still wondered if what he was doing was wrong.

Zuko led Ama and Aang through the palace hallway and to their rooms in silence. Ama already knew the palace halls like the back of her hand. Her room was large, well not in comparison to the royal bedrooms, but still bigger than the snow hut she grew up in.

Taking a bath and brushing her hair, the waterbender prepared for bed. Moving the sheets to the side, but before she got in, she felt a tug away. It was her conscious telling her that she had something else to do. She didn't even bother changing out of her pajamas. Ama left her room and went over to the room next to hers.

"Ama?" The water bender heard on her way there.

She looked over at the voice, seeing her favorite Kyoshi warrior in all her glory. "Suki!" She exclaimed and ran to the girl for a hug. "I didn't get the chance to greet you earlier. How are you?"

"Eh, the same old same old. Stressed and just ready to go to bed." Suki chuckled, stepping out of the hug. "Just need to tell Zuko the nightly rounds are finished and everything's secure."

"Why don't you get some sleep?" Ama told her. "I'm going to see Zuko right now. I'll let him know."

Suki sighed in relief. "You're the best, Ama. Thank you."

"Of course." Ama smiled and the Kyoshi Warrior walked down the hall.

Back on her way to see her boyfriend, Ama didn't even bother knocking. Zuko's room was the largest at the palace. But it wasn't the large bed or the little priceless relics that made the room incredible, it was the balcony. It had an incredible view of the sky. It just so happened to be where Zuko was standing.

Opening the door to the balcony, Ama spotted the regal young man. Zuko was still wearing his Fire Lord clothes and his cape flowed gently with the wind.

"Hey." Ama said, still standing beside the door. "I saw Suki in the halls. She said that the Kyoshi warriors just finished their nightly rounds and that everything's secure."

"Thanks." Zuko responded. He didn't turn back to look at her, he knew she'd come to him by the railing and she did. While he looked up at the sky, Ama looked at him. He looked so scared, so unsure.

"You need to talk?" She asked.

"Do you think the kids that were kidnapped," He started to speak, turning his head to see her stoic expression. "If we... when we find them. Will they still be the same children they were before this?"

"What do you mean?" She furrowed he eyebrows lightly, looked a bit confused.

"When Mai and I were still together, I remember this one time she brought Tom-Tom with her for a picnic." He started to explain. "I was a little annoyed at first, but I remember watching him run after this glow moth. He was so happy, I don't remember ever being that happy."

"And you're wondering if he'll ever be happy like that again?" Ama pieced together. Zuko nodded. "I think you're underestimating the kid. I'm sure Mai told you about Omashu and the kid has already been through a lot. All kids, I think, take dangerous situations and look at them through different lenses. When they grow up, they either won't remember any of this, or become a bit stronger because of it." Zuko's shoulder relaxed a bit. "They're all going to be fine."

Zuko looked over at her, feeling a bit calmer about the Fire Nation issues. But he still had his relationship issues to deal with. The one that stung the most.

"Ama, I'm so sorry." His voice broke and he clenched his eyes shut. Ama didn't say anything. She grabbed his arm and pulled him into her. Zuko had to hunch over to bury his face in her shoulder.

He didn't cry, he wouldn't allow himself to. Still. Ama was the only person that he could be this vulnerable with. Her nails lightly scraped his scalp in a calming way as she cradled his head, careful not to ruin his top-knot. Letting him just feel her presence. To feel supported.

"I should have sent a message." He finally said. His tone etched with regret and caring.

"And I shouldn't have reacted the way I did." Ama admitted.

"No." Zuko firmly disagreed, moving his head away from the crook of her neck to look at her face. "You reacted in the way you felt. And that is completely valid." He cupped her cheek in his hand. "I hurt you. Again."

Ama's hand went over his, removing it from her face, but still held his hand. "This is starting to get repetitive." Her words were just above a whisper, but Zuko heard her. "Zuko, I-"

"No!" Zuko interrupted her when he noticed smoke coming from a room close-by. But not just any room. Kiyi's. He ran back inside then through the halls, Ama close behind.

"What's wrong?" Ama asked.

"Smoke! From Kiyi's room!" He answered back. The waterbender gasped, realizing that he was talking about the kemurikage. Her bare feat hit the cold floor as quickly as they could, discarding her slippers in the room earlier so that she could run better. Zuko flung the room doors open, revealing an empty bed. "No! No! No!" he panicked

"Zuko?!" Aang stepped in quickly. Hearing the commotion in the halls he followed the voices quickly. Ty Lee and Suki behind him.

Zuko looked out the window. And indeed the kemurikage impostors were on the roof, one of them holding Kiyi. "Put her down! Now!" He ordered.

Zuko and Aang jumped out the window, blasting fire in their direction. The one holding Kiyi, kicked back into Aang's gut, pushing him back. "That definitely felt like a human foot!" He shouted. "Try Chi blocking 'em, Ty Lee."

"I'm trying, I'm trying!" She repeated. The people in the dark cloaks dodged every one of her jabs. Just like they were dodging all of Ama's water bullets.

"Got you!" Suki tackled the one with Kiyi. But they just threw the little girl up so that another one of the fake kemurikage could catch her.

"After them!" Zuko shouted. The kemurikage released an incredible amount of smoke. The four teens covered their faces from the stinging sensation it left in their eyes and the thick smell; making them cough.

Aang bent a gust of air, pushing the smoke away and relieving one of the cloaked figures running on the roof. "There!" He pointed.

Zuko didn't think twice to shoot them down. The person fell off the roof and onto the stone floor. "That's it- It's over!" Zuko shouted as he stepped towards them. "Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide." The Fire Lord bent two large flames of fire on each of his hands, Ama beside him with sharp icicles pointed at them, and Aang beside her. They all had the same, enraged and threatening expression. "Where'd your friends take my sister?! Same place as the other kids?! Answer me!"

The fake kemurikage was silent, and unbeknownst to them, they generated lightning in their two fingers and shot it at them. Luckily no one got a zap of the lightning. But Zuko had a shocked face as he realized who was under the cloak and mast. "Azula." He stood back as everyone got into a fighting position when hearing her name. "I know that's you, Azula! Tell your friends to let Kiyi go!"

Azula still said nothing and shot more lightning. Zuko absorbed it in one had and redirected it into the air with his other hand. "You know I can redirect anything you-" Zuko stopped short, not expecting the second lighting strike, hitting him in the chest and flinging him back.

"Zuko!" Ama shouted, happy that Aang reacted quick enough to air bend Zuko off the ground so he wouldn't hit the wall.

"I'm okay." Zuko assured, already back on his feet. "She's gotten strong again."

Suki and Ty Lee were already after Azula. Attacking with their fans, and attempting to chi block her. But Azula was quick to dodge it all. Ama ran after her when seeing how Suki and Ty Lee were hit down.

She pulled water out of a patch of grass and threw it at her. It only made Azula glare at her and send a bolt of lightning. Ama rolled to the side to avoid it. But by the time she was up, Azula was on the roof with the other two kemurikage and Kiyi.

"No!" Zuko shouted, running to the spot that Azula just jumped from.

"They took her didn't they?" Zuko's mom ran outside. "They took my baby."

"I'm sorry." Zuko's head dropped. Ursa was embraced by her husband as she cried. And Ama took Zuko in his arms. He still didn't cry. But the fear and the anguish was still very much there.

.☽☼☾.

The next morning, in the throne room, Zuko sat on the pedestal. His back straight and his face stoic while the messenger told him about the other kidnappings.

"There were four more kidnappings last night, including Kiyi. That makes a total of thirteen." The messenger kneeled as he gave the news. "Our citizens are so frightened that many are planning to leave the city before sundown."

"I don't blame them." Zuko grumbled.

Mai and Kei Lo soon walked in, Mai walking fasted than her boyfriend. "Zuko, I heard." She was concerned, for obvious reasons.

"Mai!" Zuko exclaimed, happy to see her. He stepped off the throne and jumped off the stage-like floor to embrace her. Ama kept a stoic expression, bet her heart broke just a little bit more. Her jaw clenched just a little bit, but Aang saw. Her younger friend put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"I'm so worried." Zuko sighed as he hugged the raven-haired girl.

"I know. But we'll find them. We'll find all of them." Mai assured him,

Aang stepped in, speaking to break apart the hug. A part of it was to get them back on the mystery, but another part was for Ama. "We have a clue as to who the kemurikage are, at least."

"Yeah, but that's why I'm worried." Zuko reminded him that it was Azula they caught.

"You know for sure they're not spirits?" Mai asked.

"Last night, one of them shot lightning at us." Suki gave her a clue.

"No, it can't be!" Mai gasped. "Lightning bending is rare, but it isn't that rare! That doesn't necessarily mean-"

"It wasn't just the lightning, Mai. It was how she fought. How she moved." Ty Lee hated to say. After all it was she and Mai that betrayed her. Azula may have been plotting her revenge for all they knew.

"It was definitely Azula." Zuko grimaced.

"Buy why would Azula want to kidnap all those kids? And her own sister?" Mai wondered.

"I'm not sure." Aang tried to piece that together.

"She's Azula. That's reason enough." Zuko stressed.

"I need to tell you something, Zuko." Mai sighed and looked at the ground regrettably. "Last time we were here you asked me if my father was involved with the New Ozai Society. I told you I didn't know. I lied. Not only is Ukano involved. He's the leader."

Everyone who heard that gasped in shock. "So Ukano's the leader of the New Ozai Society and the Safe Nation Society?" Aang tried to put two and two together. "That guy's really into societies!"

"I think the two organizations are the same thing." Ama responded to Aang. She'd be lying if she said she was surprised. Ukano gave her the impression of a Fire Nation supremacist.

"Why would you keep that from me?" Zuko almost shouted.

"He's my dad, Zuko! No matter how evil he is, I still don't like the idea of betraying him!" Mai exclaimed. "You of all people should understand that!"

"You're right. I'm sorry." Zuko's voice softened as he apologized.

"There's more. When we saw him in the streets last night, I could tell that he was trying to hide something." Mai continued. "I think he already knew the kemurikage weren't spirits. He may have even known about Azula."

"So you think he's working with Azula? That he has something to do with the kidnappings?" Zuko asked her.

"I don't know. Maybe." Mai responded. "Every time he's talked to me about Tom-Tom, I've gotten this weird feeling. Like his worry is for my benefit."

"It'd make sense." Ama spoke up, grabbing their attention. "I mean, the New Ozai Society is hell-bent on getting you off the throne. And how would one go about turning an entire nation against their leader? Fear. And kids always hit a soft spot."

Zuko was in though for a moment, before turning to look at the general in the room. "General Mak, we need to bring Ukano and his allies in for questioning. Find out exactly what they know. Seal off the capital city until this situation is resolved. No one gets in or out." He ordered and swung his arm across to get across how serious he was about it.

Ama and Aang shared a concerned glance. This wan't the right way to deal with the situation, they knew that. But Zuko was making a drastic decision. "Then send your soldier to Ukano's home to arrest him. If he isn't there- and I'm willing to bet he isn't- search people's homes for him or anyone else who may have been a part of the Safe Nation Society."

"Yes, Fire Lord!" The general bowed.

"Zuko, this isn't the way!" Aang finally stepped in to voice his disagreement. "Please, let me find Ukano! I'll sit him down and talk to him. No soldiers!"

Zuko turned around to face his friend and bowed his head. "Avatar Aang, thank you for your assistance up to this point. You know how much I value your wisdom and friendship."

Aang furrowed his eyebrow at how oddly Zuko was acting. "Why are you talking to me like that? All adult and stuff?!"

"We already tried things your way, and it didn't work out! It's time for a different approach." Zuko stood firm on his decision. "If you're not willing to support me, then you need to leave."

"But you can't treat everybody in the city like criminals!" Aang argued. "Such drastic actions will only cause more mistrust!"

"Drastic situation calls for drastic action, Aang." Mai sided with Zuko.

"But you can't just invade people's homes." Ama voiced her agreement with Aang instead of just giving dirty and confused looks. "It's an infringement of their liberties, Zuko. If we listen to Aang, then maybe we can still diffuse the situation."

Zuko clenched his jaw then looked at the Kyoshi Warriors. "Suki, Ty Lee, please escort the Avatar out." He ordered.

Ama's jaw dropped while the two girls grabbed Aang's arms to lead him out. "I'm going, I'm going!" Aang repeated, so the two girls let go of him but still followed closely.

"You're unbelievable." Ama shook her head at Zuko and followed Aang out. Zuko huffed out angrily and looked at Mai instead of watching his girlfriend leave.

"Zuko's one of my best friends and everything, but sometimes-" Aang grumbled once the curtain for the room closed behind them.

"-Sometimes he makes you so frustrated your aura feels like it's all twisted in knots." Azula finished for him in her own little way.

"Yeah... Something like that." Aang still smiled at her input.

"It's more like he just makes me want to throw chucks of ice at the wall." Ama spoke dryly and crossed her arms.

"There's so much more we can do! I mean, we didn't even check Kiyi's room for evidence!" Aang continued. "If Sokka were here-"

"If Sokka were here, he'd sneak off to investigate on his own." Suki finished, her own plan in mind. Ama smirked at her clever friend as she then went down the hallway to Kiyi's room "Come on!"

.☽☼☾.

Ama, Aang, Ty Lee and Suki searched every corner of Kiyi's room. Aang even used his airbending to lift the bed and look under there. "Anything?" Suki asked.

"Nope." Ama sighed, still looking inside the large closet.

"Not a trace." Aang added.

Ty Lee poked her head through the window from the outside. "Guy! Guys! Come look!" The others were quick to jump out onto the roof and follow Ty Lee. "There was something about the spot where the kemurikage disappeared last night. Something fuzzy and hard to remember. But then I finally got it."

The perky girl stopped running when they got to a brick wall and she placed a hand on one of the bricks. "When Azula, Mai, and I used to play hide-and seek as kids, Azula would disappear for hours. Mai and I could never find her! It got really, really not fun," She then pushed the brick into the wall. "Until we figured out her secret!"

The wall rumbled as a secret passage was opened in the wall. "Whoa!" Aang gasped. They all took a look inside, where stairs led through the dark passage.

"Secret tunnel." Ama sang quietly, recalling the nomads she met with the Gaang.

"We need to get Zuko." Aang said. No one argued against that and went to look for the Fire hi Lord.

After spending a good hour, the four finally found Zuko. He and Mai were at the prison, where protestors were being taken for questioning. "Zuko!" Aang shouted to get his attention as they ran towards him. "We've been looking all over for you!"

"Aang? I thought you left." Zuko looked over at the young boy with confusion.

"Well, you thought wrong, buddy!" Aang responded. "We found something you gotta see! Come one!"

Zuko turned away from his friend to get back to his original plans. "I'm sorry, Aang, but General Mak is right. Like I told you, I need to handle this my way."

"Even if your way is stupid?!" Aang snapped. He realized that Zuko wasn't going to follow them and created a ball of wind. "Stand back."

"What are you doing?" Suki asked.

"Getting the Fire Lord's attention." And with that, Aang spun the ball of wind towards Zuko, picked him up and balanced him on top.

"What the-?!" Zuko shouted in surprise. "Aang! Put me down immediately!"

"I will as long as you take a look at what we found!" Aang basically refused and flew him all the way back to the palace.

"What's going on?" Kei Lo shouted as they ran after the two.

"I don't know, but I'm gonna find out." Mai shouted back.

Aang only dropped the Fire Lord when they got to the secret entrance. "Oof!" Zuko hit the rough roof. "Don't ever do that again!"

"Okay, okay. But look!" Aang pressed his hand against the brick, revealing the entrance.

Zuko quickly picked himself up and went over to the gap. "A secret passageway!" He exclaimed. "So you think this is how Azula and the other kemurikage escaped? How did you figure this out."

"I remember it from when we were little." Ty Lee answered. "You really should've come exploring with us more, Zuko."

"I really should've." Zuko said more to himself, staring down into the dark passage. "Kiyi could be on the other side."

"Tom-Tom, too. I'm coming along." Mai exclaimed.

"We're coming along." Kei Lo corrected his girlfriend and Mai smiled at him appreciatively.

"Suki, Ty Lee, please stay to keep guard over the royal palace." Zuko turned to the Kyoshi Warriors.

"You got it, Zuko!" Ty Lee assured him.

Turning back to the passage, Zuko stepped in first, followed by Aang to light the way. The passage was mainly straight forward.

They were probably walking for a mile until there were some steps up. "Watch your step here guys." Aang warned, swiftly jumping over the gap in the stairs.

"Don't worry, Aang." Kie Lo responded, taking Mai's hand and helping her over. "We got it."

Ama was behind Mai, so once there was enough distance, she prepared to leap over the gap. But just before she did, a gloved hand came into her view. Looking up, Ama saw Mai holding her hand out to help her step up. "Thank you." Ama said as she took her hand, and stepped over the gap.

"Don't mention it." Mai said.

They all crowded at the end of the passage. "This must be it." Zuko looked at the stone covering. "Behind this door could be Kiyi and Tom-Tom."

"And Azula." Aang added.

The two put their hands on the door to push it open. "You ready?" Zuko asked Aang.

"Yeah." Aang said with determination. They pushed the stone door open together, revealing a cemetery. Most of the headstones had moss growing on them and some of them were broken.

"I've been here before." Zuko recalled. "This is the royal family graveyard."

"I thought that's what the dragonbone catacombs were for." Aang recalled.

"No, the catacombs are only for the Fire Lords. This place is for everyone else." Zuko corrected him. "It's called the Garden of Tranquil Souls."

"Really?" Aang looked around the place. "Well... I hate to break it to you, Zuko-" The kemurikage appeared to them and surrounded the 5. "But the souls here don't seem all that tranquil!"

Zuko and Ama immediately got back to back. Ama opened her waterskin that was attached to the hip, and at the same time, she and Zuko bent their elements at the kemurikage attacking them. The two, nor Aang, noticed Mai run off after one of them. Or more specifically; Azula.

It wasn't until after Zuko and Ama took down their two attackers that they noticed the fight. Azula had her hood and mask off. One hand gripped Kei Lo's shirt while the other held a blue flame. "Azula, please! Leave him alone!" Mai begged.

Zuko ran a few feet closer, holding a fist of fire. "Listen to her. Leave him alone." He ordered Azula.

"Zuzu!" The maniac greeted. "I see you're finally over your little waterbender and trying to win back Mai. But by defending her new boyfriend? That's just sad."

The siblings threw their fire at each other and it collided into a large wall of flames. But once they were done and the fire died down, Azula made a run for it. "Azula! Stop!" Zuko shouted as he ran after her. He turned to Mia and Kei Lo.

"Don't worry about us! Go after that nutcase!" Mai pointed in the direction that Azula went. Zuko didn't think twice before running after her. Mai turned to her boyfriend and inspected his shoulder.

"Did Azula hit him?" Ama asked, stepping up to them.

"Yeah. With lightning." Mai answered.

"Here. Let me." Mai stepped to the side while Ama took a look at Kei Lo's shoulder and then placed a water-glove over it. It only took a moment and then she was done.

"I didn't know waterbenders could do that." Kei Lo looked at his healed shoulder in awe.

"My sister is better at it than I am." Ama told him, bending her water back into her waterskin. "But I can still get the job done."

"You okay?" Mai linked her arm in his.

"Yeah, but I have to tell you, before we started dating, I never used to get injured this often." He chuckled.

"You know what they say. Love hurts." Mai commented.

"I guess it does." Kei Lo agreed.

Ama took those words in; love hurts. Her blue eyes looked in the direction Zuko just ran in. Was love really supposed to hurt this much? To feel so disconnected from the person you love. Ama cared Zuko more than anything. But something didn't feel right between them anymore. And she's known that for a while.

"Where's Aang?" The waterbender suddenly remembered and looked over at the place they were just standing."

"Zuko? Ama? Anyone?" Aang's call was faint, but the others could get a general direction of where he was. "Hey! Where did everyone?!"

Ama and the other two ran in the direction looking for Aang. "Over there!" Kei Lo pointed at one of the graves, the stone was pushed open. They ran in Aang was passed out, two of the kemurikage stood beside him.

"Who knew a little smoke in the lungs was enough to get the better of the mighty Avatar?" One of them said.

While they were distracted, Ama and Mai attacked. Each of them punched one of the fake spirits, knocking them out. They landed with a thud and Ama jogged to Aang, waking him up.

"Thanks." Aang got up, still a bit dazed from the smoke.

"No need to thank me. It was a pleasure to punch them." Ama smiled.

"Mai!" A little boy ran up the stairs with his arms out wide.

"Tom-Tom!" Mai exclaimed, bending down to hug him. "I missed you so much, kid." Ama smiled at the sweet scene.

"Ama!" Another tiny voice shouted excited. Ama looked at the group of children and Kiyi ran over to her with a giant smile. Ama grinned at the little girl, but it faded a bit when she was Ukano standing there with all the kids. He didn't seem like a threat. He just stood there with a small smile at his children.

Ama paid no mind to him, she bent down, picking the little girl up and putting her on her waist while Kiyi wrapped her little arms around her neck. "I knew you guys would find us!" She exclaimed.

"Oh really?" Ama giggled as they walked back out to the graveyard.

"Yeah!" She shouted. "And guess what I did?!"

"What?" Ama asked, setting her on the ground so she can walk but still holding her hand.

"You know how Zuzu practices with fire? Well I did that and melted the door!"

Ama's eyes widened but she also smiled at her. "So we got a little firebender." She laughed. "I'm impressed Kiyi!"

"Now, let's find Zuko!" Kiyi jumped, walking a little faster. "Zuzu?! Zuzu, where are you?"

Ama looked around. It shouldn't be too hard to find Zuko in the graveyard, but Azula was always full of surprises. But he showed up, running out of one of the tombs with a grin.

"Zuzu!" Kiyi yelled, slipped her hand out of Ama's while she ran to her brother.

Zuko bent down, holding her in an embrace. "Kiyi! I can't tell you how worried I was about you!" He sighed in relief.

"I wasn't worried at all! I knew you'd come for us!" Kiyi exclaimed. Zuko picked her up, carrying the child at his hip. He looked over at Ama who was already looking at him. Neither of them said nothing. They just shared a content smile.

.☽☼☾.

Ukano went to prison and things for the most part went back to normal. But there was still one more thing that had to be addressed. The Fire Nation citizens were still fearful and the doubts that they had about Zuko were already there. So Zuko had to address the citizens.

Ama stepped outside at the front of the palace where Zuko would be giving his speech in a few minutes. There were already a whole crowd people there to listen. Mainly concerned parents.

"Hey, Ama." The waterbender heard a feminine and familiar voice. Ama looked to her left, seeing Mai. "I just wanted to say thank you, for being here and helping find my brother."

"Any time, Mai." Ama smiled.

"I know we aren't exactly besties, but I'd like to get to know you better." Mai shrugged, like she wasn't used to making friends. Which was likely the case since Azula and Ty Lee were her only friends. But they'd been together since kids and Azula had just kidnapped her brother.

"I'd like that too. But, I think it's only fair to warn you that I won't be in the Fire Nation for much longer." Ama told her.

Mai had a confused look at first, but then realization hit. The raven haired girl thought about her conversation with Zuko. About how Ama wasn't letting go of his mistake and how she was heartbroken. But Ama didn't look all that heartbroken, standing in front of Mai. Maybe nervous and sad, but like she was understanding something.

"Well, for whatever reason that is, you can always find me to hang out. Hopefully we find something to bond over and get along."

"You mean other than the fact that we've both seen Zuko's dick?" Only after the fact did Ama realize that Mai probably wasn't the kind of person to find that amusing. So she was surprised to see the Fire Nation girl crack a smile, and even a chuckle.

"I take what I said back, I definitely think we'll get along." Mai said after her short laugh.

As soon as their small conversation ended, one of the Fire Sages rang the gong, meaning that Zuko was ready to step out and address the crowd. The double doors opened, revealing the Fire Lord. He stepped forward at the height of the steps to be seen by everyone.

"My fellow citizens, thank you for gathering here on such short notice." He spoke loudly and clearly to the audience. "The last few nights have been traumatic for all of us. Our children were taken, our parents grew fearful, and our streets descended into chaos. And as your Fire Lord, I, well, I responded poorly."

"Security and freedom exist in a delicate balance. I did not maintain balance well. My recent decisions were based not on reason, not on wisdom, but on fear. For that I ask for your forgiveness. You should never feel like prisoners in your own city, or suspects in your own homes. I resolve to do better. I will continue striving to be a Fire Lord worthy of you. I'm grateful for your patience. I'm grateful for your trust."

The citizens cheered for him. A proud smile formed on Ama's lips as she clapped. The way he took responsibility and promised to do better. Ama always admired that.

He'd changed so much since their first meeting. Zuko went from being the guy trying to capture them to being the guy she fell in love with. Which was just why doing this next part was so hard for her.

After his speech, the couple took a walk in the gardens. They were silent until they sat under a tree by the pond. The turtle ducks swam happily and freely together.

"Ama, I feel like I can't say I'm sorry enough." He spoke first. Zuko took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb on the top of her hand.

"It's fine." Ama smiled at his touch. "Zuko, I think we need to talk about..." She paused, turning about from his curious gaze. "About us."

Zuko shifted, facing her more directly. "What do you mean."

"In the month that I was away I had a lot of time to think" She started.

"Think about what?" Zuko was starting to get scared.

"Zuko, we've been through a lot together." Ama started, remembering how they battled Azula, went to find his mom, and did so much together. "I wouldn't trade the time we spent together for anything-."

"Where are you going with this?" Zuko said quietly, like he already knew.

"Zuko, I think we need to break up." Ama finally told him. Her tone was calm. Her thoughts clear and rational.

Zuko looked away from her and at the pond. His eyebrows were furrowed and a frown was placed on his lips. "Is it because of Mai? I know Azula said some things but-" His tone was borderline upset. Like he was trying not to let his feelings out but they were still spilling.

"It's not about Mai, Zuko." Ama assured him, his tone made her a bit nervous. "I'll admit, I've been jealous of her for a while. But-"

"Exactly! You were and still are jealous. But Mai and I are just friends." He interrupted. "If you just got over it then we don't need to break up!"

"I'm not jealous of Mai!" Ama snapped back and stood up, to look down at him. "If you will just let me speak instead of jumping to conclusions-!"

"Well if it's not that then it must be the fact that I "don't talk to you about anything"." Zuko stood up as well, standing right in front of her. He was just an inch or two taller than her, but with the height and the glare, it was a bit threatening. "What? You still feel like you aren't enough?"

"So now you're going to tease me about the insecurities I had?!" Ama shouted. "You are so infuriating, Zuko!"

"I'm infuriating?!" The boy didn't shout at her. He glared and just barely raised his voice, but he didn't yell. He wasn't that person anymore and he didn't have the heart to yell at her. But he was still upset. "You're the one breaking up for me for petty reasons!"

Zuko felt like he was losing his grip. He was confused. He knew that he did wrong when it came to communicating, but how many times did he have to apologize and promise to do better. He'd make it up to her. He'd tell her everything ten times over, take her on more dates, and so much more. He loved her so much and couldn't bear to lose her.

"Oh forget it!" Ama grumbled as she shook her head, a grimance on her lips. "You obviously don't seem to understand what I'm saying, but the fact is still evident that we're through."

She turned to leave, walking fast out of the garden. "Wait, Ama!" Zuko called, running over to her. The girl stopped walking, but she didn't turn around. And Zuko knew better than to lay a hand on her. "Can't we fix this."

Ama's face turned red in anger. Her jaw clenched and her hand's turned into fists. "After how you just talked to me?! I don't think so!" Without looking back, Ama bent the water from the pond, forcing it onto the unsuspecting Fire Lord. Zuko fell to the side, drenched in water.

The girl grumbled under her breath as she stomped away to meet Aang and go to the South Pole. To go home. But at that moment, the waterbender didn't see it as going to see her family. She was thinking about getting away from Zuko.

Aang had just finished up packing everything onto Appa. He grinned when he noticed the girl walk over, but it quickly disappeared when he saw the way she stomped to the flying bison.

"Hey, is everything okay?" He nervously asked as she hastily climbed up Appa.

"Everything will be once we get to the South Pole." Ama responded sourly.

"Do you need to-"

"Can we just go!" Ama snapped. Aang jumped in surprise, but still jumped onto Appa's head and left.

Aang waited a while till he said something. He glanced back at the waterbender. Her arms were crossed and her face stoic as she looked up at the sky. "What happened?"

"Zuko and I broke up." Ama said with no emotion.

Aang didn't know what to say. He wasn't going to lie and say he didn't see it coming. He knew they were having issues with communication. And he saw the way Ama acted in the month Zuko didn't talk to her. She felt free. She was enjoying her time with different people from the cities. Though she worried about how Zuko never reached out, he saw how she was understanding herself more. Without him.

So Aang said nothing. He kept his eyes on the sky. Ama needed to think and take everything in. The way she stomped over earlier. The break up must have been bad. She needed space. And when she was ready, she needed her siblings.

.☽☼☾.

This isn't the end, obviously. Stay tuned for one more comic chapter and then to the more interesting plot!

Hang loose, amigos 🤙🏼

#fire lord zuko #zuko x oc #zuko fanfic #atla #waterbender oc #fire and water #her sun his moon #atla fanfic #avatar #zuko

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pfenniged · 4 years

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My (Updated) Masterpost for Asexuality [2020]:

Some Youtube Videos I found Really Lovely and Validating:

Debunking Asexual and Aromantic Myths

Ace-Spec and Are-Spectrum Book Recommendations

And Some LGBTQIA+ Channels That Bring Up Asexual Experiences:

Rowan Ellis

Problems of a Book Nerd

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Some Shows with Confirmed Asexual Characters:

Sex Education

Bojack Horseman

Liv in ‘Emmerdale’ (UK Soap)

Historical Asexuals/ Demisexuals:

Emily Brontë: Emily Brontë was a very private person and as such it’s impossible to be entirely certain of her sexual orientation. Some Brontë scholars believe she died a virgin, never having had physical relationships with men or women. However, most Brontë scholars think that the content of her novels would suggest she may have been asexual, but she was not aromantic.

J.M. Barrie: The man who wrote Peter Pan into existence, was reportedly asexual. His marriage was never consummated and ended in divorce when his wife cheated on him. Because of his relationship with his neighbor children, and the subject matter of his books, some speculated Barrie was prone to pedophilia. Those who knew him closely vehemently deny Barrie ever exhibited such behavior. Instead his lack of sexual relationships was more likely due to his asexuality.

George Bernard Shaw: Renowned playwright George Bernard Shaw was a man far more interested in intellect than sex. He never consummated his marriage (also at the request of his wife, Charlotte Frances Payne-Townshend) and was a virgin until 29. Shaw told friends he appreciated the ability of sex to produce “a celestial flood of emotion and exaltation” but only as it compared to the “conscious intellectual activity” he strove for with his work.

Isaac Newton: Isaac Newton’s supposed asexuality is based on his recorded behavior and lifestyle. He had strict religious views, never married, was obsessive in his scientific careers, and supposedly died a virgin. Whether he truly lacked sexual attraction or was simply too immersed in making massive scientific discoveries to have a sex life is unsure.

T.E. Lawrence: Tragically, T.E. Lawrence – a man immortalized in the film Lawrence of Arabia – was sexually assaulted while held prisoner during The Great War. His lack of sexual and romantic relationships in life were mostly attributed to this trauma but some scholars argue he may have been asexual. He had no documented relationships with men or women. Most notably, since it was the turn of the 20th century, Lawrence was known to be non-judgmental of homosexuals. His personal orientation may have motivated his tolerance.

Florence Nightingale: Interestingly, though “the Florence Nightingale effect” is a situation where a caregiver develops an attraction to the patient they are caring for, the effect’s namesake, Florence Nightingale, was likely asexual. The famous nurse never married and instead chose to devote her life entirely to her work. She even refused a marriage proposal from a suitor who had been pursuing her for years. Nightingale rarely discussed her personal life and the term “asexual” was not widely used at the time, but asexual activists and scholars strongly suspect she lacked sexual interest.

Nikola Tesla: Nikola Tesla, the revolutionary engineer who was instrumental in the invention of electricity, also lived a life of celibacy typical of asexuals. He showed very little interest in sexual relationships throughout his life, preferring to focus on science. Many asexuals describe their lack of attraction as a blessing allowing them sharp focus. Once again, we have a person who could have been too busy (and brilliant) to focus on relationships, but who’s asexuality likely allowed him to be busy (and brilliant). [Fun fact: I am actually related to ol’Nikola. Sometimes it’s nice to even think about someone in my family being asexual, because it makes me feel like we’d both be able to get along together when we get fixed in our little studies, research, and schemes ♥]

Frederic Chopin: Famed composer and pianist Frederic Chopin is supposed to also have been asexual. While he lived with writer George Sand, she noted in her biography that their connection was affectionate without being sexual. She described their affair as “eight years of maternal devotion,“ also noting, “He seemed to despise the courser side of human nature and…to fear to soil our love by further ecstasy.”Whether Chopin was uninterested in sex, or had reservations about consummating the relationship for other reasons, is unclear. Many scholars believe the famed pianist lacked sexual desire altogether.

John Ruskin: Victorian art critic John Ruskin was known to be particularly uninterested in sex. Though Ruskin was once married, he reportedly showed no interest in getting physical with his wife. Typical of other asexuals on this list, his marriage ended having never been consummated.

Young Adult Fiction/ Books about Asexuality (NOTE: Some of these are coming out later this year, August and September 2020):

How to be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess: Brave, witty and empowering, this graphic memoir follows Rebecca as she navigates her asexual identity and mental health in a world obsessed with sex. From school to work to relationships, this book offers an unparalleled insight into asexuality.

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, And The Meaning Of Sex by Angela Chen: An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that’s obsessed with sexual attraction, and what the ace perspective can teach all of us about desire and identity. What exactly is sexual attraction and what is it like to go through life not experiencing it? What does asexuality reveal about gender roles, about romance and consent, and the pressures of society? This accessible examination of asexuality shows that the issues that aces face–confusion around sexual activity, the intersection of sexuality and identity, navigating different needs in relationships–are the same conflicts that nearly all of us will experience. Through a blend of reporting, cultural criticism, and memoir, the misconceptions around the “A” of LGBTQIA and invites everyone to rethink pleasure and intimacy.Journalist Angela Chen creates her path to understanding her own asexuality with the perspectives of a diverse group of asexual people. Vulnerable and honest, these stories include a woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that “not wanting sex” was a sign of serious illness, and a man who grew up in a religious household and did everything “right,” only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others. Disabled aces, aces of color, gender-nonconforming aces, and aces who both do and don’t want romantic relationships all share their experiences navigating a society in which a lack of sexual attraction is considered abnormal. Chen’s careful cultural analysis explores how societal norms limit understanding of sex and relationships and celebrates the breadth of sexuality and queerness.

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann: Alice’s last girlfriend, Margo, ended things when Alice confessed she’s asexual. Now Alice is sure she’s done with dating… and then she meets Takumi. She can’t stop thinking about him or the rom-com-grade romance feelings she did not ask for. When her blissful summer takes an unexpected turn and Takumi becomes her knight with a shiny library-employee badge, Alice has to decide if she’s willing to risk their friendship for a love that might not be reciprocated– or understood. [A bisexual POC protagonist; adorable fluffy, easy and sweet read].

All Out: The No-longer-secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages: Take a journey through time and genres and discover a past where queer figures live, love, and shape the world around them. Seventeen of the best young adult authors across the queer spectrum have come together to create a collection of beautifully written diverse historical fiction for teens. [This features several different types of queer stories, from transexual freedom fighters, but also a very sweet asexual love story set in a seventies roller rink with a POC protagonist].

The Pride Guide: A Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth by Jo Lanford: Jo Langford offers a complete guide to sexual and social development, safety, and health for LGBTQ youth and those who love and support them. Written from a practical perspective, the author explores the realities of teen sexuality, particularly that of trans teens, and provides guidance and understanding for parents and kids alike. [Although this is a little rudimentary, I found it a great resource even in my twenties for someone coming out, or to slowly but carefully come out to those who may be uncomfortable or not understand asexuality, or not see it as a valid sexuality or lack thereof].

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Katie Ormsbee: Natasha ‘Tash’ Zelenka has found herself and her amateur web series plucked from obscurity and thrust in the limelight. And who wouldn’t want fame and fortune? But along with the 40,000 new subscribers, the gushing tweets, and flashing Tumblr gifs, comes the pressure to deliver the best web series ever. As Tash struggles to combat the critics and her own doubts, she finds herself butting heads with her family and friends - the ones that helped make her show, Unhappy Families (a modern adaption of Anna Karenina, written by Tash’s eternal love Leo Tolstoy), what it is today. And when Unhappy Families is nominated for a prestigious award, Tash’s confusing cyber-flirtation with an Internet celeb suddenly has the potential to become something IRL if she can figure out how to tell him that she’s a romantic asexual. But her new relationship creates tension with her friend Paul since he thought Tash wasn’t interested in relationships ever. All Tash wants to think about is the upcoming award ceremony in Orlando, even though she’ll have to face all the friends she steamrolled to get there. But isn’t that just the price you pay for success?

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire: The story is set in a boarding school for teenagers who have passed through "doorways” into fantasy worlds only to be evicted back into the real world. It serves as something of a recovery center for boarders who find they no longer fit in, either in the “real” world or their own uncomprehending families. For a fortunate few it is just a way station until they can find their ways back to the worlds they do fit into; for others, it’s the least bleak choice in what may be a life-long exile. This unhappy ending for the students takes a terrifying turn when some of their number start turning up dead. A small group joins together in an attempt to expose the person committing these murders before it is too late to save the school, or even themselves.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker: What if you weren’t sexually attracted to anyone?A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren’t sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation—like gay, straight, or bisexual.Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that “everyone” wants sex, that “everyone” understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that “everyone” wants to date and mate. But that’s where asexual people are left out—they don’t find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that’s okay.When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as “asexual.” Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people’s experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones [A good beginning place to start if you’re considering your asexuality. Also provides reassurances about the most common stereotypes concerning asexuality].

Switchback by Danika Stone: Vale loves to hike, but kind of hates her classmates. Ash is okay with his classmates, but kind of hates the outdoors. So, needless to say they are both fairly certain that the overnight nature hike with their PE class is going to be a hellish experience. But when they get separated from the group during a storm, they have worse things to worry about than bullies and blisters.Lost in the Canadian wilderness with limited supplies, caught in dangerous weather conditions, and surrounded by deadly wildlife, it’s going to take every bit of strength, skill, and luck they can muster to survive.

Not Your Backup (Sidekick Squad #3) by C.B. Lee: Emma Robledo has a few more responsibilities that the usual high school senior, but then again, she and her friends have left school to lead a fractured Resistance movement against a corrupt Heroes League of Heroes. Emma is the only member of a supercharged team without powers, and she isn’t always taken seriously. A natural leader, Emma is determined to win this battle, and when that’s done, get back to school. As the Resistance moves to challenge the League, Emma realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front. [This is a third in a series, but the main character has recently come out as asexual at the end of the last book].

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann: Winnie is living her best fat girl life and is on her way to her favorite place—Misty Haven and her granny’s diner, Goldeen’s. With her family and ungirlfriend at her side, she has everything she needs for one last perfect summer before starting college in the fall.…until she becomes Misty Haven’s Summer Queen.Newly crowned, Winnie is forced to take center stage at a never-ending list of community royal engagements. Almost immediately, she discovers that she’s deathly afraid of it all: the spotlight, the obligations, and the way her Summer King wears his heart, humor, and honesty on his sleeve.To salvage her summer Winnie must conquer her fears, defy expectations, and be the best Winnie she knows she can be—regardless of what anyone else thinks of her. [Another POC protagonist and promises to be a cute summer read in the vein of Gilmore Girls. Claire Kann’s first book was the adorable ‘Lets Talk About Love’ which reads as an asexual rom-com. This also promises to be absolutely precious.].

Immoral Code by Lillian Clark: Ocean’s 8 meets The Breakfast Club in this fast-paced, multi-perspective story about five teens determined to hack into one billionaire absentee father’s company to steal tuition money.For Nari, aka Narioka Diane, aka hacker digital alter ego “d0l0s,” it’s college and then a career at “one of the big ones,” like Google or Apple. Keagan, her sweet, sensitive boyfriend, is happy to follow her wherever she may lead. Reese is an ace/aro visual artist with plans to travel the world. Santiago is off to Stanford on a diving scholarship, with very real Olympic hopes. And Bellamy? Physics genius Bellamy is admitted to MIT–but the student loan she’d been counting on is denied when it turns out her estranged father–one Robert Foster–is loaded. Nari isn’t about to let her friend’s dreams be squashed by a deadbeat billionaire, so she hatches a plan to steal just enough from Foster to allow Bellamy to achieve her goals.

Loveless by Alice Oseman: The fourth novel from the phenomenally talented Alice Oseman - one of the most authentic and talked-about voices in contemporary YA.It was all sinking in. I'd never had a crush on anyone. No boys, no girls, not a single person I had ever met. What did that mean? Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush - but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she's sure she'll find her person one day. As she starts university with her best friends, Pip and Jason, in a whole new town far from home, Georgia's ready to find romance, and with her outgoing roommate on her side and a place in the Shakespeare Society, her 'teenage dream' is in sight. But when her romance plan wreaks havoc amongst her friends, Georgia ends up in her own comedy of errors, and she starts to question why love seems so easy for other people but not for her. With new terms thrown at her - asexual, aromantic - Georgia is more uncertain about her feelings than ever. Is she destined to remain loveless? Or has she been looking for the wrong thing all along? This wise, warm and witty story of identity and self-acceptance sees Alice Oseman on towering form as Georgia and her friends discover that true love isn't limited to romance.

The Last Eight by Laura Pohl: Extinction was just the beginning in this thrilling, post-apocalyptic debut, perfect for fans of The 5th Wave series. Clover Martinez has always been a survivor, which is the reason she isn’t among the dead when aliens invade and destroy Earth as she knows it.Clover is convinced she’s the only one left until she hears a voice on the radio urging her to go to the former Area 51. When she arrives, she’s greeted by a band of misfits who call themselves The Last Teenagers on Earth.Only they aren’t the ragtag group of heroes Clover was expecting. The seven strangers seem more interested in pretending the world didn’t end than fighting back, and Clover starts to wonder if she was better off alone. But when she finds a hidden spaceship within the walls of the compound, she doesn’t know what to believe…or who to trust. [I’ve read there is also aromantic representation in this book too, so helpful for the Aros out there as well ♥]

LGBTQIA+ Comics with Possible Asexual Representation/ Influence:

Lumberjanes: At Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types, things are not what they seem. Three-eyed foxes. Secret caves. Anagrams. Luckily, Jo, April, Mal, Molly, and Ripley are five rad, butt-kicking best pals determined to have an awesome summer together…and they’re not gonna let a magical quest or an array of supernatural critters get in their way! [I LOVE THESE COMICS SO MUCH I SWEAR THEY’RE SO DAMN CUTE ♥]

The Backstagers: When Jory transfers to the private, all-boys school St. Genesius, he figures joining the stage crew would involve a lot of just fetching props and getting splinters. To his pleasant surprise, he discovers there’s a door backstage that leads to different worlds, and all of the stagehands know about it!All the world’s a stage…but what happens behind the curtain is pure magic!

And Lastly, Extra Online Resources For Asexuality:

UCLA LGBT Campus Resource Center: Asexuality

The Trevor Project on Asexuality

Campus Pride: Asexuality

The Canadian Centre for Gender Diversity and Awareness

Asexuality needs to be a recognized as its own, unique sexual orientation, Canadian experts say

Asexuality.org

A Lot of Ace (An Ace Positivity Blog on Tumblr ♥)

#asexuality #masterpost #lgbt+#lgbtqia+#queer masterpost #queer rights #queer history #queer literature #you're welcome #but honestly I love everything on here besides the shows which I actually haven't seen outright #but it's good to know those are out there #also I need to read the newest books of lumberjanes and backstagers #because they're adorable #personal #a-lot-of-ace

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