#kaz: do I look like I give a fuck
Text
Everyone in six of crows: oh no omgggg my horrible dark awful secret I sure hope kaz doesn’t judge me when he finds outttt😫🥺🫣😭
Kaz who has never given a single shit about anything ever in his life except maybe money and inej:
#wylan was like ‘I can’t read ;-;#and kaz rlly went ‘….okay and???’#and it happened so many times lmaoooo#he never cared not once💀💀#Jesper: I’m….grisha🫣#kaz: do I look like I give a fuck#six of crows#grishaverse#the grisha trilogy#the grisha series#crooked kingdom#soc#wesper#kanej#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#wylan x jesper#wylan van sunshine#soc kaz#soc wylan#soc jesper#six of crows wylan#six of crows kaz#six of crows jesper#six of crows incorrect quotes#six of crows inej#six of crows nina#nina zenik#soc matthias
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
this is how i've cleared abyss to floor 11. welcome to my personal artifact hell
#jamie has made a statement#the fact that nahida's artifact is fucking geo is SENDING me#yeah it's EM stats#xiao being dendro is hilarious to me#as well as kaz and alhaitham being the fucking physical damage set#none of this makes any sense#i was looking through my elements bc i was like kazuha why do you have the physical damage series#and then i was like oh. all my characters r like this bc i go for main stats only#genshit blogging#asldkfjlaskjdf yelan's is def not her best one bc i think it's elemental burst damage which is ok but she needs ER#NVM I JUST CHECKED THE ONE I HAVE FOR HER AND ITS HP GOBLET WITH 11% DEF#HOW HAS SHE BEEN DOING THE NUMBERS SHE'S DOING#jk the def percent is uh. haha. it's fucking 25% it all rolled into def#every day i ask how i'm able to clear abyss#to be fair! i have only gotten to floor 12-1#i do'nt like artifact grinding so i usually just upgrade what i have#artifact grinding is a sad ordeal#i've watched a lot of ppl who make genshin content be very specific about what they want from artifact RNG and i'm like. i could never.#as long as it has two substats i'm good w for the character and artifact i don't care#i used to swap artifacts around depending on abyss teams but now i'm just focusing on giving each character i actually fucking use their ow#goddamn set bc i'm tired of doing that shit
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
“well if you die we don’t get paid 🫤” freddie is SO BAD as kaz this is my hill to die on i can’t stand the way he speaks his lines
#WHERE IS THE SARCASM AND DRY WIT#he talks like he takes selfies with his mouth pushed to one side#you know the discord boy selfie#i’m sorry i can’t fkn stand him and i said it last saeason that#he literally only feels like kaz when he IS SILENT#because he does have the look i’ll give him that! but that’s IT#ugh so fucking annoying#mine#shadow and bone netflix#grishaverse#soc#ck#kaz brekker#trailer looks okay but i’m not expecting much from the show anymore#no longer care too much about accuracy or if it’s bad lol i just want to enjoy it#i don’t care if other people do#but. i hate freddie
1 note
·
View note
Text
Civilian Life
READ PART TWO: SIMON’S FANTASY
READ PART THREE: GIRL’S NIGHT
Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Smut, NSFW, Minors DNI, dirty talk, domestic!Simon, PIV sex, riding, fluff and smut, hair pulling, doggy, missionary, riding, fingering, cunnilingus
* - * - * - * - * - *
Simon wonders, when he's too exhausted to breathe and drifting off to sleep, what you're doing at home. In his flat. In his bed. He doesn't get a phone, not on missions, because of the risk. His phone can be traced back to him, to his face, to you. He'll never take the risk of putting you in danger.
Never.
But he's a fucking softie for you, and so he wonders. Are you sleeping? Are you up watching telly? Are you laying in bed, minutes before you'll fall asleep, thinking the same thing he's thinking?
And God, he'll come home and sleep for three days straight, tired and worn down, and you sleep right there with him. You take the week off work every single time he comes home just to spend time with him. You rub that bruise-balm on the bruises he has from fighting and then you press up on your fucking tip-toes to kiss him.
"God, you are perfect," he purrs, hands on your back, holding you against him. You'll giggle, try to escape his arms, and it'll end with you pressed up against the wall, losing your 'fight' and kissing him.
You put your hands on his cheeks, you let him lift you to hold you against the wall, and you whimper when his hands squeeze your waist. Perfect. Woman.
You go out with him, you drag him around to little markets and cafes. You hold his hand, overjoyed he's home alive, and London seems to decide the rain is over when you're out. The tiny spots of sun light up your face and if Simon could bribe the sun to stay out and the clouds to fuck off he would.
"Simon," there's a hand on his shoulder as he zones out into a market table of jewelry while you look at them, "didn't know you were in London."
It's John at his side, the captain, and you light up when you see him.
"John!" You haven't seen him since the wedding and so you jump at the chance to pull him into a hug. John gives you a friendly post on the back, chuckling.
"Nice to see you, love." John says as you pull away.
"You too! Oh, I haven't seen you since the wedding!" You can't keep the smile off your face. The last time you were all together was Johnny's wedding and god was that a night…
He remembers the drunk sex you had in the back of his car, the way you babbled about needing to be the next girl to get married, that you wanted to be his wife…
"How've you been?" John's voice pulls him back from his memory.
"Great! Happy to be out." You reply. "The weather's finally nice."
"It is." John looks across the street, "couple of the boys and me are getting lunch across the street, wanna stop in?"
You look up at Simon, asking him if it's okay with your eyes.
"Sure." Simon replies. You smile up at him and reach over to take his hand.
Gaz, Johnny, Johnny's girl, and Konig are across at the restaurant. They pull in chairs for you and Simon and you sit.
"Konig," you smile at him, sitting next to him with Simon on the other side, "surprised to see you! Why're you in London?"
"Uhm," he's unsure of himself unless he's got a gun in his hand, has been since Simon met him, "just visiting, I haven't been to London since I was little."
"How do you like it?" Then begins the small talk. You tell everyone about your new job, about the puppy you want, and you laugh as they all gang up on him for not getting it for you.
"She's gotta be lonely while you're off on missions," John jokes.
"Bad boyfriend behavior Simon," Kaz says.
You bite your lips to keep yourself from laughing too hard and Simon jokes that they're all his squad mates and that they'll be watching their own backs next time.
You don't get home until nearly half-past seven, you eat pizza on the couch and watch telly until you're going off to be with him behind you.
It's supposed to be a goodnight kiss. You're in your little satin tank top and shorts set, hands on his chest, pressing against him. Simon can't help himself. He can't help the way his lips trail to your neck, the way his teeth tease at your skin, and he definitely loses all control when he hears you gasp his name.
Fuck it all to hell.
He leaves your neck blooming with black and blue, he squeezes your hips and dips his finger into your shorts to grope your ass. You whimper for him, you thread your fingers in his short hair and you tug it, and when your knees go weak you just get on them.
Simon groans when you look up at him, your hands on his pajama bottoms, lips already slightly parted. Can I? Simon wonders why you ask. He nods, his fingers in your hair. His pajamas hit the floor and you take him in your hand, eyes drifting closed when you wrap your mouth around him.
"Fuck, love, the shit you do to me…" He groans. This is what he tries to imagine when he takes himself into his hand in the rare alone moments on missions. He tries to imagine the way your mouth feels around him.
It never compares.
You've got a horrible gag reflex when you're tense, and you're always tense. Simon hears you gag and a shiver runs up his spine. He knows it’s painful, and that you hate it, but it’s all in your head that you’re going to gag. He’s gotta get you out of your head.
"Take it slow," he grumbles, "not going anywhere."
You pull your mouth off of him and lick your lips as you stare up at him.
"Will you fuck my throat?" You ask it like he'll say no, like 'no' is an option. Simon wouldn't be a man if he said no to that.
He imagines the headspace it put you in too and god he's fucked.
"'Course I will, sweetheart," he replies and you smile up at him before your mouth is hanging open again. Devastating.
Simon eases himself in, he reminds you to breathe through your nose, then he takes your hair in his hand… makes a ponytail in his fucking fist… and starts to fuck your throat. He sees your eyes roll back at one point and he wonders if you're enjoying this more than he is. He hears you whimper, feels your fingertips and your nails dig into his thighs and god he just wants to make you take it because he knows how much you love it when does.
You go fucking crazy for him to take your control out of your hands, for him to make you his. He has to pull your mouth off of him so that he doesn't cum down your throat. He has to fuck you, he hasn't fucked you in so long.
"S-Simon-" your voice is almost a whine, almost asking him why he stopped. He chuckles.
"Gotta fuck you," Simon replies, just as breathless as you are, "Gotta fuck you, okay?"
“P-” you stutter, let him pull you to your feet, “-Please.”
Your legs shake as he pulls your tank top over your head. You never wear a bra to bed, an added bonus to every night he gets to sleep next to you, and Simon wants to fall to his knees and mark your chest up like it’s his only job. Your knees have to be killing you though, and so he gets you out of your shorts and onto the bed on your back.
“Simon…” his hands trail down your thighs, they knead your skin. Your soft, soft fucking skin. He’s gotta get his mouth between your thighs. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down. He’d fuck you in a second but he’s gotta draw it out.
He wants to give you a night you brag about to your girlfriends tomorrow. He loves hearing the way you brag about his skills.
Simon sinks to his knees at the edge of the bed and he takes your thighs in each hand to pull you closer. Your legs dangle over his shoulders, you’re watching him without breathing. His hands press your hips to the bed when they wiggle, he tries to give you his most dangerous eyes.
“Stay still,” he says, “or else.”
“Or else?” you tease, not too far gone to give him shit and Simon commits himself to remedying it. “What would you do to me? Oh, please don’t punish me Ghost, I promise I’ll be a good girl.”
You’re giggling, you have the audacity to giggle while he’s between your legs but what has Simon freezing isn’t your giggles, it’s the way you called him Ghost. You know his code name, of course you do, but you’ve never used it. Never. Simon get’s impossibly harder at the fantasy that pops into his head.
Bending you over a table, handcuffing you, pushing you close to the edge again and again with all of his gear on, pressing you for information you won’t give… promising to make you cum if you just give me the intel, sweetheart. He’s gotta tell you about it later. You’d be down for it, his little freak.
Simon rolls his eyes at your giggling and presses your thighs open to get his fucking mouth on you. You gasp, one of your hands is in your hair, the other one is thrown over your face, hiding behind it. Simon presses his arm over your lower belly to pin you down and presses two fingertips to your hole. You spread your legs wider, you cry out his name, and Simon sinks two of his fingers into you. God, the way you clench around them makes his head spin.
“I-I’m-” it’s so early, so fast, that it throws you off guard. You try to close your legs around his head, stop him from going further, but he elbows them open and keeps his fingers moving.
“My poor girl,” Simon whispers against the skin of your thighs, “always so neglected when I’m off on a mission, aren’t you?”
“A-Am. I am.” your hips twitch, you squirm on his fingers, and Simon groans at the way your back arches.
“Let me make it up to you, love.” he replies, voice low and dark. Simon is intent on getting you to cum atleast once more before he turning you over and fucking you just the way you like.
“Simon!” you squeal, legs twitching to close. You work hard to keep them open, just the way you know he likes, shaking like a damn leaf.
“One more, sweetheart, gimme one fucking more.” Simon growls before he’s putting his mouth back on you and sucking your clit into his mouth.
You sob, your legs close around his head and he thinks try to push me away, try it love because he knows you like it when he pushes you, he knows how you like it when he takes control of your body. You can’t stop the incoherent rambles of his name and please and stop that tumble from your lips. You try to lift your hips off the bed but he shoves them down. You try to back yourself up to get away from him but he keeps you pinned with an arm across your stomach. You slap your hands over your mouth to keep yourself from screaming and Simon reacts, lifting his arm off your stomach to pin them down with your hips by the wrists.
You cum screaming his name, trying to break his neck with your fucking thighs and spasming around his fingers. He’s never seen you cum that hard and now he’s hooked.
“Why did you-” you pant, struggling with your words, “the-the neighbors Simon…”
“Don’t fucking care,” he grumbles, he kisses your quaking thighs, “pieces of shite anyways.”
“Simon…” you’re trying to sound scold-y, like you’re angry with him, but when he crawls up your body and kisses you, you stop complaining. He’s gotta give you time to recover after something like that, and so he just holds you for a little while, kissing you and running his hands calmly over your back.
You start kissing him again after a while, tongue tangled with his, breath heavy, eyes lidded. He can feel your skin grow hotter, clammier, and you throw your leg over his hip to get him on his back.
“Goddamnit…” he groans when you sit up, hands splayed across his chest, back arched to grind against him. He puts a hand under his head, the other reaching down to grab your hip and guide you.
You lift your hips, reach down beneath you and line him up. God, you sink yourself down on him and you just can’t keep yourself from grinding on him. Simon watches you lift your hips, hears the way you moan and watches you throw your head back with it. He fills you up nicely, has had you crying your compliments more than once, and you like to savor it when you’re on top. You grind your hips, you drag them up and down his cock slowly, and within ten minutes Simon’s a goddamn mess for you. He thrusts his hips upwards, he uses his hands on your hips to control the drag of your hips, and you fall apart on top of him.
“Ch-Change me,” you whimper, losing speed and stamina, “O-On my- want you from behind-”
You don’t need to tell him twice.
Simon gets you to your chest, knees spread, back arched, hands gripping the sheets above your head. Simon is a gentleman, or at least he can be, and so he moves your hair out of your face and gathers it into a ponytail in his fist to pull it. You gasp, hips squirming to grind against him. Simon holds your hips still with one hand.
“You’re gonna take it like my good little slut, aren’t you?” you nod, whimpering, clenching down around nothing.
“I’m yours- your good little slut,” you whisper against the sheets, eyes shut and rolled back. Simon sinks in, so fucking slow, and sob with it. You’ve told him before this angle is different, deeper, more sensitive. You can’t stop the way your hips twitch and grind against, it’s impossible with how desperate you’ve become.
Simon’s hips snap forward and you cry out his name as he starts to fuck you. You’re both so sensitive, so desperate from him being away, that it's not gonna be long before he’s pulling out to cum on your thighs. He groans at the image his memory brings up for him of your thighs all covered with him. He releases your hair to sit up, hands on your ass and hips, groping a cheek before he pulls his hand back to spank you. You sob, hand reaching back to push at his naval.
“Don’t fucking think so,” he growls, pinning your wrists in one of his hands and fucking you harder for it, “fucking take it,”
Your hips still, back arched as far down as it’ll go, legs spread wider as you pulse around him through your third orgasm of the night. You moan, the bed bumps against the wall, and Simon’s grip on your wrists and hip tightens.
“Where, love?” he grits out.
“Inside,” you cry, “please, inside,”
Who the fuck is he to argue? He goes still, buried inside of you, and has the best orgasm of his fucking life. You take it like the perfect girl you are, whimpering when he pulls out. He grabs a towel, puts it under your hips but he’s depraved, a sick fucking man, because he kneels behind you and watches it drip out of you for a second before he wipes you down with a towel and turns you over.
Fucked out, googly eyed, you pull him down for Simon’s guiltest of guilty pleasures: naked, after-sex cuddles.
#simon riley x reader#simon riley smut#ghost mw2#Smut#cod mw2#cod#mw2 x reader#ghost smut#ghost x reader smut
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
— march fic recs, brought to you by happyhauntt.
a wee fic rec post for a few of the fics i read in march that altered my brain chemistry!! i've put a lil comment next to each rec because honestly writers don't get praised enough for their work these days and i wanted to show my appreciation for these talented souls!!
grishaverse.
➡ kaz brekker.
what do you want from me by @rubysunnday. notes: literally perfect wtf.
dark days by rubysunnday. notes: i reread this literally constantly, it is so perfect, kaz's characterisation is perfect, i adore it.
bloody hands by rubysunnday. notes: i devoured this whole thing like a starving person it was sO good.
when am i gonna lose you? by @crowsmybeloveds. notes: this is so beautiful honestly i have no words.
the lost princess by @ellewritesalright. notes: look it's only part one but elle is a fucking wizard and i'm a sucker for an anastasia au.
you and me (a whole lot of history) by @heliads. notes: this was so cute and such a clever concept i fell in love!!!
schat by @amourology. notes: fully choked this is so adorable.
soulmate by @magpiencrow. notes: KAZ BREKKER SOULMATE AU didn't know i needed this but now i need 100 more!!!!
➡ nikolai lantsov.
nine long years series by @ellewritesalright. notes: i am actively fucking screaming over this fic. i will never stop. this might genuinely be the best thing i've read in a LONG while. everything about it has me sobbing i actively CANNOT COPE. and it's not even finished yet.
one of us by @songofpatrochilless. notes: literally had me sobbing you don't understand the domesticity of it all!!!!!.
come on back to me by @atlabeth. notes: there is a very strong chance that i'll literally never stop screaming about this fic.
dreams of you by @wh0refornikolailantsov. notes: every cell in my body is SCREAMING.
this love by @lantsovsupremacist. notes: did not, in fact, give you permission to hurt me like this do it again.
salt in the wound by @in-my-feels-probably. notes: brain goes brrrr this has everything i need to survive tbh.
wanting was enough by @rubysunnday. notes: beautiful stunning magnificent i want to eat it.
an exhausted smile by @writing-havoc. notes: think i had an aneurysm reading this it was that amazing.
run away with me by @sumsebien. notes: i am still sobbing over this.
in emerald hearts, emerald minds by @undiscovered-horizon. notes: love love love love love. there aren't enough words in any language to describe how much i love this.
➡ alina starkov.
alina starkov x reader by @heliads. notes: alina does not get nearly enough love and this was so fucking sad and cute and brilliant.
➡ nina zenik.
the ten steps to 'i love you' by @sophierequests. notes: this was SO HEARTWARMING AND SWEET i adored it!!!
➡ zoya nazyalensky.
forget-me-nots by @syllvane. notes: not enough zoya fics on this hellsite. but also this ripped my heart out and made me sob so RUDE. i feel devastated.
➡ inej ghafa.
inej ghafa x reader by @heliads. notes: INEJ MY SWEET BABY, this fic is everything to me. everything. and it's so beautifully written!!!
➡ the darkling.
the dark side of the moon series by @myhairpintrigger. notes: this fic is ASTOUNDING. i haven’t cried this much reading something in a long time. i was FULL-BODY SOBBING. i don’t even like the darkling. i am Not a darkling girlie. but i was intrigued by concept of this fic and i can safely say it has ruined my life. this is Emotional Damage Incarnate. i will never recover. author, i salute you.
911.
through the smoke by @borntobewondering. notes: spent twenty whole minutes sobbing after reading this. i felt undone i felt hollow i felt so utterly fucked. author is a genius and that's all there is to say.
not so one night stand by @shmaptainwrites. notes: this was so fuckin adorable i'm in love.
d.c. to l.a. by shmaptainwrites. notes: bobby my guy just doesn't get enough fucking credit and this is so fucking adorable.
criminal minds.
➡ spencer reid.
trouble almost all my life by @januaryembrs. notes: this series is. it's literally. everything. i love bugsy like she's my own child. sister relationships are everything to me. i spent an hour sobbing in my bed over parts 2 and 3. i want this tattooed on my forehead.
➡ aaron hotchner.
found by @benedictscanvas. notes: DADDY i mean what. all jokes aside this was so sweet and beautiful and i'm in love the writing!!!
doctor who.
rage rage (against the dying of the light) by @morganas-pendragons. notes: felt feral after reading this. kayla just gets me in my feels every time.
heartbeat by morganas-pendragons. notes: this was the most emotional devastating thing i've ever read and i fully needed 3-5 business days to recover. rude. i want 100 more.
untitled by morganas-pendragons. notes: PAIN i love this so much.
ache by morganas-pendragons. notes: just scoop my heart out of my fucking chest i don't want it anymore after reading this.
a mind full of blissful terrors by @magiccath. notes: simply fucking amazing.
light in the dark by @i-imagine-my-doctor. notes: screaming please i adore this so much.
baby talk by @kisstherainwriting. notes: THE ABSOLUTE CUTIEST EVER. there's not enough clara fics and this had me squealing and feeling all warm and fuzzy!!!
holding my hand by kisstherainwriting. notes: angst galore this was STUNNING.
in another's eyes by @cas-kingdom. notes: PERFECTION.
where do we go now series by @theetherealbloom. notes: literally so fucking amazing i don't have enough words.
marauders.
the winner takes it all by @ellecdc. notes: brb faye is having a STROKE--
come back, be here series by ellecdc. notes: i think i had a full on stroke while reading this series. the attention to detail is insane. the characterisation is perfect.
i don't know you anymore (maybe i never really did) by @thenyoumightaswellwrestleangels. notes: SCREECHING i'm in love you don't understand.
bridgerton.
➡ anthony bridgerton.
distractions by @peterpparkrr. notes: simply immaculate.
right person, all the wrong times by @wwinterwitch. notes: did you mean one of my favourite tropes bc this is it.
right in front of me by @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 & @thirteenisles. notes: i felt feral after reading this tbh.
➡ sibling!reader.
reluctant caretaker by @rubysunnday. notes: this fic hit my heart in all the right places okay sibling stuff means everything to me.
did she have a cookie by rubysunnday. notes: a joyous read from start to finish i CACKLED the whole way through.
moon knight.
come back to me by @mgparker. notes: still sobbing. immaculate.
the other sarcophagus by @starryevermore. notes: i literally reread this constantly i adore it so much!!
marc spector x reader by @softlyspector. notes: i had an aneurysm reading this and i haven't been the same since.
more marc spector x reader by softlyspector. notes: i am having an intense emotion hold on. anytime i see autistic stuff in canon content for any fandom i SQUEAK. and this is so well done honestly.
star wars.
heartless by @youvebeenlivingfictional. notes: i reread this constantly, it's so amazing and heartwrenching and beautiful and i want to eat it.
little talks by @light-yaers. notes: you simply do not understand how much i adore everything beff writes. i adore this fic more than i need oxygen to breathe.
right where you left me series by light-yaers. notes: personality-defining series. i LIVE for this fic. every update adds five years to my lifespan. if you're not reading this you are MISSING OUT.
a light, a song, a bluebird by @millllenniawrites. notes: made me SOB 10/10 would recommend if you like emotional trauma.
invisible string by @campingwiththecharmings. notes: pining!!! loneliness!!! i adore!!!
hard landings by @softlyspector. notes: no. no you don't understand. this fic doesn't just own my soul it is my soul. i want it tattooed on my face.
misc.
hopper x reader by @luveline. notes: you don't understand this might be the cutest shit i've ever read and jade is a fellow welsh person which automatically makes them brilliant in my book.
muña by @in-my-feels-probably. notes: alicent means fucking everything to me and this had me sobbing.
mistletoe magic by @writingsbychlo. notes: literally the cutest fucking thing ever, had me kicking my legs and squealing!!
#* faye's monthly fic recs.#* type: fic recs.#nikolai lantsov x reader#kaz brekker x reader#poe dameron x reader#marc spector x reader#spencer reid x reader#aaron hotchner x reader#anthony bridgerton x reader#evan buckley x reader#the doctor x reader
684 notes
·
View notes
Note
ok ok so, kazuha who always denied it everytime reader calls him a pretty boy. so reader fuck him rough and won't let him cum before kazuha tell that he's a pretty boy
there's just something about pretty boys that has me weak . . . o(*￣︶￣*)o thirst format !
hoooolyyyy moly. god, okay ! you got me, you got me.
kazuha is so, so sweet. he waxes poetic with every breath he takes. each whisper of affection curls around you, warm and tender and so, so loving. but it wouldn't take long for you to notice how quiet he is regarding himself.
you wonder, then, how he can create such beauty from the setting sun, yet he can never compare his own eyes to them. his eyes, so wide and round and gorgeous, tinted like the ocean water when the sun kisses it in retreat. he, too, never dares to speak of the way his body, so small yet so strong, can wield the type of power that can put gods at his feet. no—instead, he writes about how beautiful the shogun looked; he sees through an artist's eyes the way her eyes widened in fear, the way her pupils shrunk and pretty purple showed just how human a god could be.
you simply cannot understand how a man can see the world through such a rose petal'd lens, yet when he looks at himself, he sees nothing of note. he sees a vessel, sure; he can understand the innate beauty of soul's vessel. but beyond that? nothing.
it makes your heart break, knowing that kazuha—the man capable of so much art, making the world brighter and changing the way you see everything—does not see himself in any positive light. to him, he simply exists.
really, he walks the earth the same as you do—yet while he marvels that you are here with him, he cannot grasp that you, too, marvel at him.
he could grasp, however, at your cheeks—at you yourself, when you've got him pressed into the bed with your foreheads touching. he holds onto you tightly with trembling hands, soft little sounds punched from his throat which each thrust.
"you're so—mm—!" he'd try: try to praise you, to say something pretty while you're balls deep. he can't really manage, though, when your cock presses into all his sweet spots.
each incessant thrust into him makes him cry out, cute, soft sounds that you just want to eat up ! you'll have to pardon me for thinking about how you'd have to kiss up his moans, licking into his mouth as it hangs open in his pleasure.
kazuha'd keep his shakey hold on your face, forcing you up and away from his lips to beg, "please, please. you're so perfect, like—mm—like the—the—mm!" silence his attempts at poetry, won't you?
"baby, baby," you'd have to soothe him with, punctuating each sweet name with a deep thrust, pressing into all the spots that make him writhe. "my pretty boy."
of course, he'd deny it; i wouldn't expect anything different. but quiet him more: shake your head at him and frown, gentle and not at all unkind, and kiss away his "no, no."
"but kaz," you'll say. "you're so, so pretty. so perfect f'r me." his hands, fallen from your cheeks, would claw at your back as he'd be left to squirm and cry in the arms of yours that trap him against the bed.
simply put: there is nowhere for him to go, to get away from your sweet, sweet words.
i guess you'll have to up the stakes. how awful, truly.
"c'mon, pretty," you'll coo, instead, slowing your thrusts to a torturous drag. "tell me something, will you?"
"w-what?"
with a mischievous grin, you'll have to murmur, "tell me you're pretty." then, "until you do, you're not gunna cum."
i wish i could see the way his eyes would widen at that—betrayed, as if you had told him he wouldn't cum at all. but you'll hardly give him the time to reflect on your words—to deny them, to say anything different—, because you'd be thrusting in hard and deep and brushing against all the right places. he'll writhe and cry beneath you, and, god.
kazuha is so, so pretty: why can't he see that?
"i—mm, please, i'm so close . . ."
"you can't cum, though," you'd have to say, reaching a hand down against your words to hurry him along. his body'll jerk in your arms, torn between succumbing to the pleasure yet wanting to be good for you, to not cum just yet.
"i can't," he'll cry, shaking his head side to side and jerking on the pillow. "i can't."
when he gets too close, do something for me: reach down and pinch at his pelvis, so close yet so far to where he wants it. "yes, you can;" you'll have to soothe him with sweet words, hard n' deep thrusts. "you're my pretty boy, kaz, tell me you're pretty."
"i—i—"
"c'mon." he'd be so close, by then, twitching everywhere and left to dig into your shoulder blades. the marks he leaves across your upper back will be gorgeous, later. "you can do it, honey. c'mon."
relenting is not easy for kazuha: this you know.
but you'll also know that it's harder to stave off an orgasm for him. and so—when his hole begins to squeeze and throb around you—, he would finally cry out, "'m pretty—!" and tumble headfirst into orgasm.
just—pretty boy kazuha ( ◜‿◝ ) <33
11 FEB. 2024, @rosedom, rosey .
#ㅤ✦【 ASKS 】#pretty boys ought to know they're pretty#god !!#sub kazuha#kazuha x reader#dom reader#top reader#amab reader#u have a working cck .#sub genshin#genshin smut
540 notes
·
View notes
Note
how about jealous kaz brekker with breeding kink???
Eyes on me, all eyes on you.
Kaz brekker x fem!reader. +18 Drabble
The last sentence is cringy, but my mind went blank at that moment. This is also really short, I’m writing this tired and about to head to sleep.
Warnings: talks of pregnancy, breeding, jealousy, oc kaz, not my best work.
Kaz was always the jealous type, either it be before he was not ready to touch you. And how others could do it without a thought, the way you would hug or touch someone. Then there was who you smiled at, you threw everyone that damn smile and it made him sick to his stomach. And then when he had gotten passed his demons with your help, he faced them head on. Kaz was now not afraid to touch you, fuck you, love you the way he had always wanted. Now he had you in his claws, only for him to cherish.
You where his diamond, his shiny gem in the ruff. Ketterdam didn’t have many good things but you were the most beautiful thing in this damn place. And he should have known when he gifted you that drees you would wear it out, oh he should have burned the damn thing before you had the chance.
How your waist looked, so easy to wrap his arms around. How your breast looked in it, the cut low and the corset made your breast pop. He watched as every man in the place looked at you like meat on a stick, how their eyes wondered and how their minds couldn’t help but picture you naked. And that angered him to the ends of the damn earth, because no one should think of what’s his.
“Don’t take your fucking eyes on me.” He demanded as you tried so hard not to close your eyes. “Did you enjoy all that attention you got tonight. All those eyes on you?” You whimpered out to tell him no.
“No- I don’t.” You managed to say but it was just sobs coming out your mouth as his cock enter your pussy at a fast speed. “Oh, no? The dress you had on tonight said different. Everyman in there wanted to see underneath.” He leaned down to bite your lower lip and pulled on it. “I was going to kill them all, take their eyes for daring to look at you.” He roared the truth.
All you could do was look at him with frowned brows as you moaned. “Next time you decide to show more skin, I’m fucking you in front of them all. To show that only I can get the slut out of you, make your pussy leak for me.” He smirked at your expression, he knew how much you loved it when he called you names.
“I’m sorry. Only yours” you reached up and wrapped your hands on his shoulders. “My body is yours.” He laughed, “I already knew that.” He leaned back up and rammed into you, his hands pushing your legs back to open you up more.
“Maybe if your belly was swollen they wouldn’t look.” Your head went fuzzy at what he was implying. “I’m going to stuff you so full tonight, over, and over again until you can’t take anymore.” He reached one of his hands to touch your stomach and pushed down on the right spot.
“Get you pregnant with my child, my cock will give you what you need. You’d like that wouldn’t you?” He asked like it he was teasing you. He knew you couldn’t say no to that, him claiming you more then he had already. To have his baby inside you.
“Yes, saints, please kaz.” You screamed. “I love you.” Smiling up at him sweetly but it broke often because he never stop thrusting. “I love you too, darling.” He groaned and you looked at the sweat on his skin that made him shiny and look sexy.
“Now let me fuck a baby into you.”
#kaz brekker#kaz brekker x fem!reader#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x reader smut#kaz brekker smut#shadow and bone smut#shadow and bone x reader
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Price to Pay
Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader
Part Two to Useful Skills
I have spent forever trying to come up with a title so settle for this very bad one. I also can't tell if I hate this or not but the plot is so fucking bad.
synposis: Kaz learns what you mean when you say your power is your weakness.
warnings: not proofread or edited, mentions of stalking/following someone, Kaz being an asshole to others but not you bc cute, Injury and talk of Pain, reader passes out, kind of generally angsty crap for a minute and then fluff
There were pros and cons to being a crow and one of the big cons was stakeouts in the freezing cold.
Kaz had ordered you and Jesper to stake out one of his chosen targets, a lawyer who had a mistress in the Lid. Mostly it meant that you and Jesper had followed him from his cushy apartment in the financial sector to a gambling den and then to his mistresses. Keeping Jesper out of the gambling den had been the hardest, but now as you trailed behind him in the barrel's bustling streets, you were cursing the cold and damp Ketterdam weather.
You and Jesper were dressed in Komedie Brute costumes, Jesper had on Mister Crimsons' cape and mask, hiding his well-known face from those in the barrel. You were covered in the Scarab Queens dress, the shimmering green catching the lights of the barrel. Although the costume was meant to keep you hidden in the crowd of faces, you couldn't help but curse it for how cold it was. Jesper didn't look to be faring much better, his hands were tucked tightly in his pockets, trying to keep them warm. You had no pockets, having to rub your hands together occasionally.
Your wrist had healed more since the incident at Hellgate, but the cold brought out a phantom pain that you were sure would never quite go away.
"Look," Jesper stopped on the sidewalk, pulling you along with him to look up at a building. Like most of the other buildings in the barrel and the Lid, the house was leaning suspiciously into its neighbour. You could almost imagine how damp it would be on the inside, with wallpaper flaking and steps creaking dangerously.
You couldn't see exactly where Jesper was pointing, "What am I looking for?"
Jesper rolled his eyes, moving your chin to make you look at the window he had in his sight.
"Oh."
Standing in the light was the lawyer you had been tailing, he was without his hat and coat, smothering a woman in robes.
"Kaz was right," Jesper mumbled, leaning back on the wall while you both watched.
"Kaz is always right," You replied, joining him against the wall. You would have to wait for a while before asking questions. It would be too suspicious to walk straight in after him.
Jesper looked you up and down, "Aren't you cold?"
You fixed him with a glare, "What do you think, Fahey?"
The sharpshooter chuckled.
"Why in Saint's name did Kaz have to give me a disguise without a coat," you grumbled, crossing your arms so you could tuck your fingers against your side for more warmth.
Jesper gave you a smirk, you knew what he was going to say before he did, "Because you look gorgeous, love."
You huffed, "I'll look less gorgeous when I'm frozen solid."
You and Jesper stayed until the crowds thinned and the lawyer made his way home for the night. You had snuck into the foyer of the building and learnt the woman's name from the mail, pinching one of the envelopes to give to Kaz. After that, there was nothing more to learn. You and Jesper had made the trek back through the barrel to the Slat. Jesper wrapped his arm around your shoulders as you wandered past the pleasure houses and dens. At this time of the night, men were drunk with pleasure and wine, boldened in their crude behaviour. They would stumble out of brothels with sickly grins and harass any woman who dared to walk alone. You quietly thanked Jesper as he held you close.
Entering the Slat, you made your way through the Dregs to where the crows were sitting. You fell into a chair next to Nina, tossing the mask onto the table and stealing a piece of her food.
Jesper joined Wylan in the booth, secretly leaching his heat off him.
"Well?"
You pulled the envelope you had stolen from your dress, ignoring the surprised looks from the rest of the Crows.
"That's where you hid it?" Jesper said as he watched you hand it over to Kaz.
You shrugged, "I didn't have pockets."
Nina grinned, knowing the struggle herself, "I do it all the time."
Matthias tried to hide how he choked on his drink, coughing dramatically. His face was turning bright red as everyone stared at him.
Kaz ignored the Fjerdan, focusing on the paper in his hand. "Did you have any trouble?"
"No," Jesper answered for you.
"Although next time I would like a disguise with a coat," You added, "My hands have never been so cold."
Kaz glanced from the paper to you for the first time, silently taking in how you were flexing your freezing fingers. He nodded once, then disappeared towards the stairwell.
The next morning you were surprised to find the Bastard of the Barrel at your door. He held a brown paper package in one hand, leaning on his cane with the other.
He handed the package to you, "For the job tonight."
"Thank you," You replied, staring down at the package slightly confused. Kaz let out a quiet hum in acknowledgement, then turned and walked away, his cane clicking as he made his way down the stairs.
Your curiosity got the better of you, and you closed the door and sat on your cot gently opening the paper. Neatly folded in the package was a pair of gloves, completely black like Kaz's. You were shocked, gently unfolding them to reveal the cuff's black embroidery.
Like your shadows.
You couldn't help the grin, slipping your fingers into the gloves and stretching your hands to feel how they reacted. They were almost perfectly fitted, just tight enough where they kept you warm but not so tight that you lost movement. You tried to keep the butterflies in you at bay; he brought me gloves.
Saints, if you couldn't keep your schoolgirl feelings at bay you'd be useless on the job.
When you climbed down the stairs to meet with the other crows, they all noticed your new gloves. It was impossible to hide anything from them.
Wylan grabbed your hand, looking at the small details, "These are new."
You rolled your eyes, pulling your hand back, "Can a girl not get new things?"
Wylan grinned, "Did you get them? Or were they a gift?"
"From a certain Mr Brekker?" Nina pressed, joining in on Wylans teasing.
"I have no idea what you idiots are talking about."
Kaz had decisively paired you with him on the upcoming job. You had frowned and asked if you were better suited to help Matthias and Nina lay the trap, but he had simply ignored the suggestion.
You tried not to be frustrated, Kaz hardly ever explained himself to anyone, why would he do so for you?
So you followed along with him willingly. He was dressed in his usual sharp clothing. The tidy waistcoat and dress pants with his usual black coat. He ordered you to dress similarly, like a wealthy woman. So you put on the nicest skirt you owned, borrowing a white blouse from Nina and pulling your coat over it all. You wore the gloves Kaz had given you, trying not to overthink about what was probably a harmless gesture.
You stood to Kaz's right, watching the shadows around the square as you waited patiently for the lawyer to fall into Kaz's well-laid trap.
Wylan and Jesper would be somewhere beyond the square, watching your back in case anything went wrong.
"Do you like the gloves?" Kaz broke the silence.
It took you off guard, "Oh, uh, yes." You flexed your hands, "Thank you."
Kaz nodded, "I had them made by a fabrikator so they would not hinder your summoning."
So that's where he had slinked off to last night.
You had to compose yourself, biting your tongue to ground yourself. Kaz Brekker was not some crushing boy giving you his favour through a gift, it was no doubt a strategic move as part of his plan. Then why did the butterflies in your stomach refuse to cease?
Get a hold of yourself.
You brushed down your skirt, pretending to be distracted by making yourself look presentable rather than looking at the boy next to you.
Another few minutes passed and the lawyer came stomping around the corner into the square. He was joined by two other men, no doubt enforcers he had paid to protect him.
"Mister Herling."
The lawyer looked torn between being afraid and irritated, "Brekker."
When you first found work in the Barrel, you were surprised that everyone seemed to know who Kaz Brekker was. After a week in the pub, you heard almost every rumour that the barrel had spun about the bastard of the barrel. The whispers that barmaids told, Dirtyhands doesn't need a reason.
Herling looked the two of you up and down, "Your muscle, Dirtyhands?"
You smiled sweetly, "Is that so hard to believe?"
The man on Herlings left chucked, his eyes lingered on your body. You shuffled your feet, trying to hold back your disgust at the man. You spared a glance at Kaz, who had noticed but chosen to ignore the man. Instead, he lifted his cane and flexed his fingers, like a silent challenge.
The lawyer waved his hand, "What business?"
"You work for Geels," Kaz stated, "I need to get a message to him."
Herling's face morphed from passive annoyance to one of outrage, "What makes you think I would do that for a barrel rat like you?"
Kaz lifted one shoulder in a slight shrug, "Everyone has a price."
"You think you can bribe me?" Herling cried, clearly insulted and angered by Kaz's comment. "Respectable men do not take bribes."
"Good thing there are no respectable men here."
You held back a laugh, this was not the time to appreciate Kaz's dry humour.
Herling let out a noise, halfway between a growl and a huff. "You are a special kind of messed up, boy."
Kaz didn't seem at all phased, he calmly explained what he meant by 'price'. The women you and Jesper had learnt about last night, proof that Herling was not a respectable man and had something to offer unless he wanted his wife to know.
"I don't know who that is," Herling hissed, but he couldn't hide his panic.
Kaz stretched his fingers that held his cane, the leather of his gloves flexing with his fingers.
"The thing about the Lid," Kaz spoke, "Is that no one cares if people disappear. This is Ketterdam, after all, space is valuable."
Herling put it together, he stepped forward and raised his fist, "If you lay a hand-"
Kaz smacked his hand away with his cane, Herling recoiled, stepping back and cradling his hand like a child.
"Stop making empty threats, Herling, and start making deals."
Kaz struck a deal with the man and you both waited for him and his men to leave before turning and walking out of the square. As you both exited under the arch, Wylan and Jesper fell into step beside you.
"You think he'll follow through?" Wylan asked, his hands clutching the straps on his satchel.
Kaz didn't have to explain himself, "Yes."
As the four of you picked your way through the streets back towards the slat, you started to become aware of something moving in the shadows. You were so focused on the movements, you didn't even realize Nina and Matthias had joined your group.
Finally, you couldn't stand the feeling of being watched anymore. You stopped, turning around to search the street for the two figures you knew were around.
"Y/N?" Nina asked, standing next to you.
The others stopped a few steps ahead, frowning at you.
"Someone's out there," You said quietly to Nina. The heartrender reached out, searching for heartbeats to verify your feeling.
She frowned, turning back to the others, "Y/N's right."
Kaz joined you both, looking out over the silent streets. Kaz didn't have to say anything, two men came slinking out of the shadows to face him.
They were the same two men the lawyer had at his side, but now their sleeves were rolled up, guns in hand. You realized they weren't just paid goons, they were black tips.
"You don't know when to back off, Brekker," One of them hissed.
Kaz looked indifferent, "I could say the same for your boss."
One of the men cocked his pistol, pointing it at Nina, "Move your hands and you die, witch."
Nina rolled her eyes, holding her hands up dramatically.
Two more men drew out of the shadows to join the other Black Tips. They too held up guns.
One of them held his gun trained on Jesper and for good reason. Jesper would be able to get you all out of this with a spin of his pistols, with a gun trained on him he couldn't help anyone.
"No getting out of this."
You spared a glance at Nina, who stared back at you with a silent response. Don't do it.
You knew you shouldn't, Kaz would be able to get you out of this. He was at your side, so you turned to him. He had his scheming face, trying to put together a plan.
"Stadwatch?" You whispered.
"Probably paid off," Kaz replied.
You looked back to the four men, who were arguing over who would get to drag Kaz to the boss.
"Y/N," Kaz saw straight through you, "Don't."
You didn't have a choice, Kaz knew that.
Without dwelling on it too much, you reached out. You could feel the shadows bending to your will, they pulled towards you, amassing around your feet and climbing towards your hands. You drew your hands up in a loose arc when your hands were almost touching, and the shadows formed a loose line. The four men looked up, shocked silent at the view in front of them.
You raised one of your hands, then threw it down in a fast slash. Your shadows formed into a shape blade, reaching out and cutting all four men down. Although not the first time using the cut, it felt the same. A rush of exhilarating power, like nothing could stand in your way. Then there was the crushing pain like your body was trying to repel your powers. The feeling was always there after summoning, but it was mostly bearable, a sharp pain behind your eyes or a dull ache between your shoulders. The cut always took the most out of you, your mother had called it unnatural, merzost. No Grisha was supposed to have such power.
You watched the men's bodies fall, split cleanly in two. Then the pain was too much, you fell to your knees, gasping for breath.
Nina and Wylan were at your side instantly, Nina quietly reminding you to breathe as she held your hand tightly. She was paying close attention to your heart rate, it was beating so fast she could only wait for you to pass out. She pulled you close when you lost consciousness, your body going limp on the damp cobblestones.
You were in and out of consciousness the whole walk back to the slat. Jesper and Matthias were holding you up, trying to make it look less suspicious than it would if they had you strawn over their shoulder. You could hardly keep your feet moving, Jesper and Matthias were mostly holding you up.
When you finally got back to the slat, Jesper dragged you to your room, a tiny sliver of space on the third floor. He lowered you to the bed, dropping you less than gently.
You were still consumed with pain, not sure of what was going on, "Thanks, babe." You muttered.
Jesper laughed, "You are very welcome, love."
Jesper left the room, letting Nina take his place at your side.
"Tell me what I can do to help," She pleaded, pained by seeing you in such a state.
"Nothing, Nina," You replied, letting out a sigh.
"Are you sure?" She tried again, gently brushing the hair off your feverish forehead.
"I'll be fine, Nina," You replied, "I just need to sleep it off."
Nina nodded, knowing she wouldn't be able to get much more from you. She stood and quietly left the room, passing Kaz in the hall.
Kaz lingered for a moment before stepping into the room. You could feel his presence, not bothering to open your eyes to see him.
"Boss."
When Kaz didn't reply you opened your eyes, looking at his face. He looked almost concerned, you wondered if you had imagined it in your state because as soon as you made eye contact the look was gone.
"You said that your abilities were your weakness," Kaz said after a long pause.
"And now you see why."
Another long pause.
Kaz nodded once, "Thank you."
You might have appreciated those words more if you hadn't been half asleep. Kaz never said thank you.
"Don't thank me," You said, "I need to be gone by this time tomorrow."
It didn't take a genius to see four bodies cut in half and know what it meant. Only one summoner could use the cut and by exposing yourself tonight you had no chance but to run.
"You don't have to," Kaz spoke so quietly you almost didn't hear him, "You could stay."
"If I stay," You replied, closing your eyes and covering your face with your arm, "I will be hunted, killed."
You could hear Kaz move, the click on his cane. He had stepped closer. "I won't let that happen."
The rational part of you knew that Kaz would be powerless to stop however came after you. But you were exhausted and slightly delirious, so the only thought that passed through your mind was, he wants to protect me.
"I guess I can stay," You drawled, finally losing the fight to unconsciousness.
The next morning when you woke up you were tucked under a blanket, your boots by the end of your bed and the gloves Kaz had given you folded neatly on the bedside table. You had the same butterflies, but this time it felt more real. You weren't imagining things, at least you had hoped you weren't. Surely that hadn't been some kind of terrible dream.
You needed to be sure, forcing your tired body to rise from the bed and slip on your shoes. You hesitated at the door, knowing climbing upstairs to Kaz's room in the attic would be gruelling. You forced yourself to do so anyway, taking the stairs slowly. When you reached the top, you felt lightheaded, your body betraying you after last night's show of power.
You knocked once on Kaz's door, entering after he allowed it. When you stepped in you had to reach for something to hold on to, your head swimming.
"You should be resting," Kaz spoke, watching you hold yourself up on the metal bedframe. He could see how pale you looked, your face was full of colour not long ago. He thought briefly about how he wished to see you back to yourself again. Then he was shutting that thought out of his mind.
"What you said last night-" You ignored Kaz's order, trying to stand a little taller and feign strength. Kaz could see through the cracks easily.
"Was the truth." Kaz stood, leaning on his cane as he got a little closer to you, worried that you might just keel over, "I won't let anyone hurt you."
Relief crashed over you, washing away some of the panic that had clouded your mind.
You and Kaz held each other's gaze for a while longer, content in the silent company of one another.
You knew you should rest, your body was screaming to sit or lie down. It would only follow your orders for so long. But you weren't sure you would make it down the stairs without falling, which would definitely make the pain in your head worse.
Kaz seemed to come to the same realization. He gently grabbed your arm, holding tight to your bicep to lead you to the side of his bed. He helped you sit, then returned to his spot at his desk. There was something unspoken, Kaz didn't have to tell you to stay because you could see the question in his eyes. You let out a small sigh, nodding and deciding to lie on Kaz's bed.
Kaz clearly didn't mind, his attention returning to his papers. You watched him work, taking in how his eyebrows furrowed as he read over reports and expenses. You hadn't realized until now that he wasn't wearing his gloves. His slender fingers flipped through the paper like a dealer would cards.
His hands are stained with blood.
What a ridiculous rumour to believe, you thought. Sitting at his desk before the morning light, he looked like any other businessman. An honest man with no worries about the harshness of this world. You didn't much care for honest men, because there were hardly any. You had done terrible things in your lifetime, last night had not been the first time you had killed and without a doubt, it would not be your last. You did not deserve an honest man. With the powers you held, no one could be fully trusted. You had known that your whole life.
But lying on Kaz's bed, watching him work, you were struck by something much scarier than starting to trust him. You were starting to feel safe.
taglist
@unicornfairytail @winstonthecow22 @mxtokko @lonelywitchv2 @kazbrekkers-gloves @intoanothermind @dontstopxx @beautifulbows924 @lu123sworld @slutforcoffein @u-wakatoshii @yujyujj @swhispererr @khaleesihavilliard @nyctophiliiiiaaa @thedelusionreaderbitch @adorawritesalot
#kaz brekker x you#kaz and jesper#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker#soc#six of crows#six of crows x reader#jesper x wylan#jesper#six of crows jesper#jesper fahey#nina x matthias#nina zenik#six of crows nina#six of crows wylan#the crows#sab s2 spoilers#sab s2#sab spoilers#sab#wylan hendriks#wylan van eck#wylan#soc wylan#soc kaz#matthias helvar#matthias#soc matthias#soc duology#shadow and bone x reader
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Bruises and scars
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem! tidemaker! reader
Summary: Kaz Brekker believed he was too broken and bruised to ever count on you reciprocating his childish crush. You were a powerful Grisha, someone who wouldn't be content to be in a relationship with the human shell that he was. That's why he gives you the cold shoulder, that's why he avoids you like the water you wield so well, that's why he tried to drive you away after the day you confessed your feelings to him. Kaz Brekker couldn't love anyone. It would not be beneficial to either side. But Kaz Rietveld rises from the dead, reminding him of what it's like to feel unconditional, blind love. And he won't give up. Not until he gets his girl back... isn't it too late for that, though?
Warning(s): Kaz and his trauma; violence; he's afraid of his feelings but loves the reader; generally Kazzle misses the reader; angst with fluff; I'm a sucker for happy endings, but the boy suffered WITHOUT HIS INVESTMENT; mentions of de@th and bl00d
Word count: 7,4k
Counting days, counting days
since my love up and got lost on me
"You're sending Jesper to do your dirty work for you? I didn't know you were afraid to talk to one of your own crows." you stormed into his office without even bothering to knock. Kaz swallowed. He really should have been better prepared for this conversation. After all, he knew you wouldn't give up so easily. "What is this?" you asked, slamming the wad of paper onto his desk.
"I thought you could read. This is your next job." he replied calmly, not looking up from the papers in his hand.
"In some snobbish fucking king's palace? Are you kidding me?"
"Nikolai isn't that bad. You'll see when you get there."
"And what makes you think that I will voluntarily leave Ketterdam, the club, my friends, and the Crows for two bloody years, Kaz?" for the first time since you walked into his office, he looked up from his papers, fixing you with a cool, impassive gaze.
"That I'm your boss, and you have to obey me. You needed a reminder, judging by the tone of voice you use when you speak to me."
"Was it because of what I said to you when I almost..."
"No!" he growled at you, stopping you from finishing your sentence. That day had already joined his nightmares anyway. He didn't have to constantly recall your almost-death. "It has nothing to do with it." he said, hoping that would put an end to your conversation and went back to writing down the numbers.
"Do not lie to me. I know when you do it, Kaz. You got scared because I said I love…"
"You can go and get ready, Y/N." he said without looking up from the paper he was holding. He had never felt her gaze so hot and intense on him before. They always glanced furtively at each other, discreetly indulging in the silly fantasy of loving each other.
Like they could ever afford to live a normal life. As if he could ever love you properly—the way you deserved.
You stared at him intently, trying to find any trace of emotion in him, any evidence that he didn't really want to send you away from Ketterdam, that he was only doing it because Dirtyhands was afraid of the growing feeling between you two.
"I can hold on like this, Kaz." your soft whisper cut through him, making him shiver. He could bear your screams, your anger, your madness, but the tenderness, the vulnerability you showed only around him… was much more dangerous to the cold Barrel Bastard. "I can go and return to you like nothing happened. I can stay near you and pretend I don't feel anything towards you. I can stop myself from wishing for your slightest touch. I can hide my true emotions around you and other people, just like I have done before… but please just prove to me that it's all worth it. That you can slowly take off pieces of your armour and let me see and be with the real you. Not the Brekker's mask you wore every time we were on Ketterdam's street. Not the Dirtyhands' cruel version of yourself that you created to survive in this town. Not the Bastard from the Barrel, who has so much power in his hands to take down his every enemy. Just the real you, Kaz. The genius-mind boss who cares about his people, not only the kruge. The man who loves his friends more than anything on this earth. The man who risked his own life and saved me from death's arms more times than I could count. Please… just give me this little piece of hope." he tried hard not to raise his gaze to meet your captivating, imploring irises that could touch Brekker's heart.
He knew that the moment he looked at your face, he would doom you both by giving in to this burning desire to be with you.
But he couldn't.
He had to keep you away from him.
"You must be foolish or delusional to think like that. I'm the Bastard from the Barrel. And I care about my crows, because they are good investments. Nothing more and nothing less, Y/L/N."
"Is this everything that we are? What am I to you? An investment?"
Kaz's mouth went dry as he felt the waters rising around him, when a familiar feeling of panic began to seep through his practised mask. He looked away, not wanting you to read his true emotions. Not wanting you to see how much he wanted to confess his true feelings to you.
No. You're my moon, my sun that illuminates me in my darkness. The reason why I'm even bothering to learn how to touch people without going under the water again. You give me hope and peace every time you're close to me. You're my greatest power and weakness. The only one in this bloody world who can change my plans. The only one I care about in the mornings, afternoons, nights, and midnights. I can't drink, eat, think, sleep, or work without thinking about you. You have the power over me. And that's terrified me.
He desperately wanted to give in to his desire.
But he couldn't.
He was too bruised and broken for you.
"Then I have my answer, Mr. Brekker." you broke the long, tense silence between you two. Kaz was too terrified to shift his gaze from the papers on his desk to the only woman who could easily crack the wall around his cold, almost dead heart with one of your smiles towards him. Too afraid to watch the tender expression on your face turn into a cold detachment, just like your tone of voice. "Sorry for taking up your precious time, boss. But I would rather be the foolish girl who falls in love too easily for her own good than a powerful man who doesn't want to feel anything. Nobody will sit around the table and tell a story about a man who loves only his kruge. No matter how great he was." your disappointed whisper lingered in his office long after you left.
He sat dazed in his chair until the candle stub burned out completely, leaving him alone in the darkness of his office. He stood up, lit a new candle, and watched the flame. He couldn't focus on anything other than replaying your conversation.
Rietveld's voice echoed in Brekker's head, somehow getting through his wall, mocking powerful Dirtyhands.
Coward.
And every breath that I’ve been taking
since you left feels like a waste on me
"No way!" Jesper's loudspeaker scream snapped Kaz out of his thoughts. He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand, and got up from the desk.
He has done nothing since that fateful conversation. Absolutely nothing. He limited himself to staring blankly at the wall as his thoughts of Y/N effectively took complete control of him. He needed a distraction. Jesper's screams outside his office were perfect.
Without his cane, he walked to the door, eavesdropping on what was going on outside his office.
"Find another idiot to tell him. Or better yet, grab some suicide guy from the roof. If he wants to die anyway, he might as well act as a messenger for their one last time before Kaz rips their head off. SHIT!" the sharpshooter screamed in panic, nearly losing his balance as the door he was partially leaning against was opened by his rather worried boss. "Kaz, the fuck, since when are you sneaking around like that?!"
"Why exactly would I want to have ripped someone's heads off, Jesper?" he ignored his comment, eager to find out what they were hiding from him as soon as possible.
Maybe that would effectively occupy his head, so he could stop thinking about the tidemaker for a while. Unfortunately, neither of the two were in a hurry to answer his question.
"You know, there's always an occasion. Theft, insult, threat, frown, bad day, wedding, christening…" Jesper shut up, seeing that his attempts at a joke only infuriated an already irritated Kaz.
"Y/N is gone." Kaz unconsciously held his breath, feeling the whole world freeze around him for a moment, until anger and panic took hold of him.
"What? Did someone kidnap her? How did you look after her?!" he growled furiously, walking back to the office and limping towards his cane. His crows followed hesitantly, watching him struggle as he tried to put on his cloak in his haste.
"She runaway. I lost track of her around the harbour." a new revelation made Kaz freeze again. He stared blankly into the space between Jesper and Inej, turning his cane's crow head in his hand.
He should have anticipated that too. Had a backup plan. But he didn't. He's been acting strangely lately. He didn't recognize himself. But after all, that was what he had wanted all along - to stay away from Y/N. So why had her disappearance made him feel so much worse?
"Kaz? Should we send some people to…"
"No need, Inej. Go back to work. You too, Jesper." the gambler looked like he wanted to argue with him, but the Wraith, seeing their friend's strange behavior, grabbed his hand, and they obediently walked away from their boss.
Kaz leaned against the desk, dullly staring at the closed door.
It was supposed to be better that way. Neither you nor he will ever meet again. You won't exchange those longing glances again. You won't act like a couple of teenagers in love, and no one will ever attack or harm you to get to him again or to threaten him. Nobody was going to get hurt.
So why did he feel like he was going back under the water?
I’ve been holding on to hope
That you’ll come back when you can find some peace
Cause every word that I’ve heard spoken
since you left feels like an hollow street
One week, two days, 10 hours, 34 minutes and 29 seconds. That's how long it's been since he last saw your face.
He was secretly hoping you'd come back to him and the crows. Fuck the crows, he just wanted you to walk through that damned door again and start arguing with him, shouting at him, cursing his name at all the saints you knew, so he could hear your voice again.
He missed you. More than he thought he would.
Irritatingly, everything around him reminded him of you.
Especially your empty seat during Crow's meetings. No one dared to occupy it, as if every one of the gathered was waiting for you to come through that door (or window) again with a malicious, characteristic smirk on your face, mumbling some insincere apology for being late.
It never happened. Though Inej prayed to her saints every day for your return. Just like the others. Although each of them experienced your departure differently. Jes stared often at the places you once occupied, imagining you were still there. Nina found herself often making too many waffles (of course, accidentally making exactly the few you were used to eating). Wylan often creates his bombs and other things in your favourite colours.
But Kaz probably took your absence the worst of them all.
If he had slept little before, fearing that nightmares about Jordie would haunt him, now he hardly slept at all. Because every time he closed his eyes, he saw your face. He heard your laugh. He smelled your perfume. He felt cursed. Cursed by you the moment your eyes looked at him full of sadness, anger, and disappointment... full of pain.
He thought that if you disappeared from his sight, he would forget about you and go back to normal. But your leaving only made him think of you more often and longer. He sat behind his desk for hours, staring blankly at the papers in front of him. Spread out plans, bills, and maps; it all stopped making sense to him. It stopped coming together, creating a perfect plan in his head.
All he could think about was you.
And Rietveld's voice, instead of being silenced and buried alive in his cold heart with your disappearance, only broke through his hard surface more and more often with the passing days without you by his side. And he wasn't holding back from taunting Dirtyhands at all.
The great Kaz Brekker fell victim to one of his own plans.
There must be something in the water
Cause everyday it's getting colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
Even Ketterdam has felt your absence.
This time of year, it usually warms up enough for people to shed their heavy winter coats. However, it was the middle of spring, and a cool, icy wind still blew through the streets, bringing occasional, small snowfalls that melted on the street, creating mud.
Kaz had never despised the city he lived in more. Even it laughed in his face at his stupidity, reminding him that it was his fault that the only spark of joy and bewitchingness in this damned city had gone.
He shuddered as a child shoved past him, running happily to the ship that had come into harbour and thrown itself into its father's waiting arms. Brekker began to take rapid, panicked breaths. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of one of the buildings, trying to imagine something other than Jordie.
His haphephobia got worse.
Earlier, he could bear the fleeting touch of strangers, such as being brushed up against him in a crowd. It was no problem for him to touch his crows for a few minutes (especially you and your comfortable hugs, holding your hand, or just feeling your warm skin under his bare fingertips).
But now even the slightest contact with a stranger brought him immediately under the water. And the tiny touch from his crows raised the waves he had to calm in the privacy of his office.
He was rolling down. He knew it well. But he saw it as his personal punishment for hurting your feelings in a brutal way instead of gently cutting you off. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much.
Kaz knew he was fooling himself. He would suffer anyway. He let you go too deep under his skin, penetrate his essence, and know his soul too well to just give up on you, and forget about you.
And what terrified him most was that, given the choice, he would let you in again. Even knowing he would be devastated after letting you go.
But it was better for you. You deserved something better than this life you would live with him.
And that one thought kept him sane. That he did it for your own good, that wherever you are now, he's sure you're better off than you were in Ketterdam.
Which didn't stop him from checking every ship that came into port in the sick hope of seeing your angelic face.
He just had to get over his grief. He did the same with Jordie.
The only difference was that he didn't dream of holding his brother back in his arms like he dreamed of you.
Maybe I, maybe I’m just being blinded
By the brighter side
Of what we had because it’s over
Well there must be something in the tide
Kaz was on your bed, reading one of your books you accidentally left behind. It was all he could do lately. He wasn't sure how long it had been since he'd left that room for anything other than food and a change of clothes. He missed you. And he had no idea what he should do.
He inhaled your faint scent on the pillows.
In some strange way (probably because of your ability to control the water), you always smelled of the sea, even when you weren't near the harbour. Kaz hated water and hated the salty sea smell that hit him whenever he passed near the harbour. It reminded him of Jordie. But inexplicably, the smell of the sea on you brought him comfort, safety... peace.
Now it was a reminder of something else—how he let you slip through his fingers. In fact, he pushed you away from himself.
He shook his head, trying not to think about you. However, the world was always against him and never made things easy for him. The fact that the dried flower had fallen out of the book onto his chest was proof of that.
With trembling hands, he set the book aside and reached for the flower, afraid he would ruin it. However, the need to see if his eyes were deceiving him was greater than the fear of spoiling such a precious thing.
He remembered that flower. He put it in your hair himself.
"Just the two of us in a field of flowers? If I didn't know you better, I'd think it was a date, boss." he rolled his eyes as you giggled at his reaction.
"Stop it. Or they'll notice us." he muttered, trying to ignore the cool wind that somehow made its way through the high grass. He wrapped his cloak around him, enviously noting that the girl next to him didn't seem to feel that cold. He internally slapped himself for wanting to share his cloak with her.
"I highly doubt they'd want to look for us in that thicket of grass. Besides, usually when a woman is giggling at a place and situation like this, stealing some noblewoman's jewels is the last thing on her mind, Kaz. The same applies to her potential partner."
"As if I heard Jesper." he sighed, focusing on the nobles in front of them. The plan was for Jesper to distract them while he and Y/N collected what they had come for. Simple and fast, if his childish desire to be paired with Y/N did not overwhelm his senses. She distracted him more than he could afford.
"You and Jes also had a secret meeting among the wildflowers? Now, I'm jealous."
"Jes?" he asked, turning his surprised gaze on her.
"Yes, do you mind?"
"You've known him for a week." he remarked dryly.
"Yes, and what?"
"It took you two months to start calling me by my first name, let alone a nickname."
"Just because you preferred to call me tidemaker instead of using my name."
"To be honest, it might have slipped my mind then." he muttered under his breath, not realising she heard him.
"You forgot my fucking name?! Kaz Brekker you are the most ignorant person I've ever seen." Kaz knew from the anger in her eyes that only his haphephobia kept him from getting his ass kicked by Y/N.
"Well, now I remember." he tried to defend himself.
"I don't care, Brekker. Now you can even call me the fucking Easter Bunny and I won't answer you anyway."
"Don't be a child, Y/N. Y/N?" Kaz sighed in frustration when he got no response from you.
He had to come up with something; he knew this name thing wouldn't be resolved until he appeased you properly. And he didn't have time to indulge in your sulks. You had to rob these people. (It's not like his heart ached when you were mad at him.)
Fortunately, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something that might help him. Your favourite flower, growing at his fingertips. He plucked a plant and put it behind your ear without thinking. You flinched at the sudden touch, staring at him in shock as the material of his gloves brushed your cheek as he pulled his hand away.
"Maybe I forgot your name then, but now I remember and know a lot more about you than just a stupid name."
"But how… how do you know I like y/f/f?" you asked in shock, never in your wildest dreams imagining that Kaz Brekker would bother with something like your favorite flower.
"You are my tidemaker. My most important investment. It's logical that I'll know you inside out."
"Should I be afraid or appreciate this unsettling but sweet effort?"
"You should know by now that nothing I do is sweet."
"Of course, big, terrible, Dirtyhands." you replied with a small smirk, similar to the one that kept Kaz from your sight.
To her, he could be more than Kaz Brekker. He could be Kaz Rietveld. And it terrified him more than the urge to reach out his hand again and fix her windblown hair.
The mastermind has been deceived by his own heart.
I’ve been told, I’ve been told to get you off my mind
But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind
Oh my Lord, oh my Lord, I need you by my side
"Zenik. Follow me." he muttered as he finally found the woman at the bar. He headed for his office without looking back, knowing full well that she would do as she was told this time.
"Yes, Kaz?"
"You are contacting Y/N." it wasn't a question. He knew it the moment Nina sent you her first letter a month ago.
He himself tried to send you his letter a week ago. It came back unopened, and the delivery man said no such person lives at this address. A lie he recognised without even knowing that Nina and you were still writing to each other.
"I am." she replied coolly. Kaz, seeing that he did not want to voluntarily cooperate, sighed and sat down in his chair. His leg was starting to hurt more and more often - another thing that went bad with you leaving.
"How is she?"
"Happy. Relatively. She is tormented by nightmares and unwanted thoughts about you." if Nina wanted to make him feel guilty, she did it brilliantly.
He already felt terrible without her judging eyes and dry answers. She must have seen the shadows under his eyes, as he did in his mirror. He had no right to pity himself. He knew it well. That's why he put up with Nina's attitude, in his stupid desire to know how you were doing.
"So… is she better off than here?"
"No. But that's not your problem anymore."
"Did she find someone?" he asked hesitantly, afraid of an affirmative answer.
"Possibly, things are evolving."
Kaz felt the world stop around him for a moment. The idea of someone else watching how you play with water and create ice sculptures, someone listening to your beautiful voice and making you laugh, someone capable of holding you and kissing you, made him sick. A sick sense of jealousy that Kaz only experienced when he saw the wealth of others.
A rash desire to come for you overtook him. He had to have you back. Before you fall in love with someone other than him.
"Do you think if we…"
"No, Kaz." Nina cut him off before he could ask a question. "You wanted to get rid of her, so hold on to your fucking decision. You hurt her, and you knew damn well you would, by ordering her to return to Ravka. Honestly, Kaz, did you think about how it would impact her? How she would feel? If you wanna break her heart again, go on. Chase her. Let's see if she forgives you also this time."
"Then what should I do?" he asked, and the desperation and hopelessness of his tone terrified both him and the woman standing in front of his desk. Nobody had ever seen him like this. Even you. And now he was ready to open up to anyone just to have you by his side again.
"Forget about her. After all, that's what you wanted, right?" he did not answer.
She was right. He wanted to get rid of you. Now he was paying the price, and he had no right to ask you to ease his pain and return to the Kettedram. Return to him. Which doesn't mean that his stupid heart will just let him forget about you. He's learned that over the months without you. And he cursed all the saints that he didn't know it until he gave you the cold shoulder.
Kaz no longer had the right to your affection. He had to accept it. He had to accept that he had given up his chance to love you. That now you had every right to go and love someone else. Even if the very idea drove him crazy and desperate.
He must have forgotten about you. For the sake of all of you.
But Nina's slamming of his office door only brought him back to his memories of you.
There must be something in the water
Cause everyday it's getting colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
Kaz fell. He was in the most pathetic position.
He didn't care, though, as he sat like a fool on the shore of the same lake where he met you. At which he irreversibly gave you the remnants of his heart a few years ago, without even knowing it.
He told himself that Nina was right. Once he let you go, he had to persevere in that resolve. Ketterdam will only bring you pain... so why was it so hard for him to let go of his last ties to you?
"Why are you coming here with me?" your gentle voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he stared spellbound at your little water show.
"Am I bothering you?" he asked, shifting in his place on the dock as he watched you float in the lake.
He wouldn't even dip his little toe in himself, but he liked to silently watch you become one with what was dear to you. And by the way, he could admire your skills and beauty as much as he wanted. He didn't have to look for any particular excuse.
"No. It's just that I've never seen you watch your other crows train."
"They're not like you." it slipped out before he could think about it. "If anyone sees you, I better get them before they announce to the world that one of the Black General's tidemakers has taken refuge with me." your smirk dropped at the mere mention of your former life. Kaz cursed in his mind. "You are also too valuable an investment. And the rest of the crows liked you. It's a big achievement. Inej doesn't let new people in so easily... me too."
"So you like me after all, boss?" you asked with that mischievous smirk on your lips that made his heart beat like crazy. Good thing water was your specialty. At least you didn't hear his heart pounding.
"You're tolerable company, and what you can do… what you can do is amazing."
"It's just little tricks." you murmured, forming different shapes out of the water. "At the king's parties, I was quite often one of the highlights." you waved your hand, freezing the water to form an ice statue. His statue. "Not every tidemaker is strong enough to freeze water." with another wave of your hand, to his silent displeasure, you melted the ice. "Not to mention turning ice into water again. Most just stop at its liquid form and don't train any more. I like to think I'm too curious to ever stop exploring my powers."
"Or stubborn." he said with a small smirk, listening to your wonderful laugh.
He must have been cursed from the start, since fate had put someone so perfect in his path... someone he could never have. But he could have been watching you. Enjoy his eyes with your beauty and his ears with the tone of your voice.
"Sometimes that's a good trait too. You taught me that yourself."
"How convenient for you to learn from me only what you want and not what you need."
"Sometimes what we want is more important than what we need and what is more rational for us."
"What for example?"
"Love." he tried to keep a poker face, but apparently his eyes betrayed more than he would have liked, as you gave him a confused, questioning look. "What? You've never been in love?"
NO. Not until he looked into your eyes and heard you laugh. Not until he got into your first argument with you and lost with a smile on his face. Not until he first saw you use your powers to outsmart the bandits who attacked you. Not until he saw how the moonlight in Ketterdam made your eyes shine even more than usual, so that you might as well have lit up all of the city with your beauty. Not until he first heard his name come out of your mouth. No, until he foolishly began to believe in Inej's saints, when he saw how tenderly and kindly you treat the orphans in the streets of Ketterdam.
"This silence means either a very powerful heartbreak, or you really only love a kruge."
"What if I really never loved anyone? What if I don't believe in love?" he whispered, looking up at you. You sneaked up to him so that you were standing in front of him. Water trickled down your hair and along your neck to the hand you held out to him. You opened your hand, handing him a small shell.
"The world is too cruel for such beliefs, Kaz. If we don't believe in love, why should we get out of bed at all? Why do we accumulate all these riches and try to survive each day?" Kaz didn't know the answer. Not one that would allow him to avoid the uncomfortable subject of his feelings for you.
He took the shell from you and, being careful not to break it, put it in his pouch. Along with the other little things you fished out of the water.
Your eyes met. You stared into the other's eyes for a moment, lost in your own dreams, which were not too different from each other... Yet neither of you had the courage to admit them out loud and risk everything you had been so carefully building between yourselves. Even if your hearts burned for more.
So he sat with you in silence, watching you play with the water and analysing what you told him. What was the reason for his existence?
Kaz from a year ago would have answered quickly and without thinking. Revenge. But now that he was looking at you, he wasn't so sure about his answer… or at least it was closer to something much different than his desire for revenge.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
It's your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
And I'm tired of being so exhausted
He sat behind his desk, involuntarily reminiscing about the day it all began.
The day he almost lost you. The day you almost died in his arms. The day you told him something he secretly wanted to hear but wasn't prepared for. The day he will curse forever.
This was your first assignment after returning from Ravka and the whole sun summoner thing. A childish, simple burglary. Something to warm up his crows—a return to the reality of Ketterdam without queens and kings and politics.
And so it was. You filled your pockets with valuables and were about to leave when one of the guards spotted you. They were much better armed than you (it was supposed to be a simple robbery with no witnesses and no blood spilled, so you only had daggers and knives "just in case") and strangely familiar with all the secret passages in the small mansion.
Even though you found yourself in a terrible situation, you managed to leave the property. You laid out in the finish as you and Kaz ran towards the club. One of the guards shot at you and hit you. Very accurate, almost piercing your heart with a bullet.
Kaz stared dazedly as you screamed in pain as you clutched your chest and tumbled onto the muddy, cobbled road. He reacted faster than he thought, throwing the dagger at the man who shot you and killing him instantly. Inej would have praised him for such a throw.
But that effective kill didn't matter to him now. He ran over to you in a panic and kneeled beside you, tugging at the fabric of your shirt. He hissed as he saw the blood pouring down your skin.
"Kaz..." you groaned, looking at him terrified. Kaz ripped off a piece of his shirt and wrapped it tightly around your waist, trying to stop the gushing blood. "Cold." you mumbled, shivering in his arms. Brekker didn't even notice as he placed you in his lap; he was too busy to stop the bleeding until he found bloody Zenik. Where was she when he really fucking needed her?
"Shhh…. I know. Just try to hold on a little longer, okay? Nina and Jes will be here soon." he tried to calm you down by running his hand through your sweat-soaked hair. He rocked you back and forth, not knowing who he was trying to reassure—you or himself.
"We both know they won't make it on time."
"If you're wasting your energy talking, at least say something useful instead of talking nonsense, tidemaker." he growled at you, tightening his grip on you. "You're not getting away from me that fast. I didn't invest so much in you to make you leave before…" Until I tell you how much you mean to me... "Until we fill our vault with tonnes of Kruge."
"I could have predicted that even on my deathbed you'd be talking about the fucking Kruges." you laughed, coughing up some blood, which didn't calm his already madly beating heart. Where is that damn Zenik?
"Die in my arms and I promise I'll go back to hell for you. The devil can wait for you - I signed a pact with you first." you suddenly became serious, squeezing his gloved hand tighter and staring into his eyes as if they were the only stars in your dark sky.
"Kaz… I… I have to tell you…"
"Shut up, Y/L/N. You're not dying today." he snarled a warning, squeezing you so hard that he was sure to leave bruises on your arms. Panic rose in him as he felt your body slowly go limp, your breaths becoming less and less frequent.
"Kaz… I love you." you whispered, making him freeze in a daze. You only said those words in his wildest dreams. He had secretly dreamed of it many times, but certainly not like this. Not while your soul was slowly escaping from this cruel world unworthy of you.
He doesn't remember exactly when Nina came running, or how Jesper took you out of his arms, or how he kept up with Jesper's frantic pace as he ran with you in his arms.
But he surely was shaking all the way to the Crow Club. He only breathed a few hours after Nina announced to everyone that you would live. Then he left, without even entering your room to make sure Zenik's words were true, and locked himself in his office.
Tears began to fall from his eyes as he leaned against the door.
He could have lost you. Forever. Another person close to him.
His dreams would be tormented by the sight of your bloody corpse in some dirty alley. Again, he felt like that helpless little boy who had lost his brother. He found himself with Jordie THERE again.
Kaz couldn't go through all of it again. He wouldn't get up after your death. And there was only one thing he could do...
Fuck it all.
He needed you.
He was too exhausted to pretend any longer.
He was Kaz Brekker. He didn't need a reason. But his slowly dying heart without you seemed to be enough of an excuse to see you. Even if you're going to completely break it. Even the cold Bastard from the Barrel saw it as a good deal.
"JESPER!" he shouted, jumping out of his chair with his cane in hand.
"Yes?" his friend was at his side faster than ever.
"Tell the others to pack up. We're leaving in an hour." he muttered, taking out his travel bag from the wardrobe. Even without turning around, he knew a big smile had formed on Jesper's face.
We're going to get my girl back.
"About the damn time, Kaz." he patted him on the back and ran out of his office, telling the other crows the good news.
Your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
Even though I'm nothing to you now
Even though I'm nothing to you now
Kaz had been afraid of a few things in his life, but walking through the threshold of your new apartment seemed to be the most terrible of all his fears.
His crows obeyed him without objection for the first time in their lives and stayed at the hotel. He came here. On trembling legs and a rapidly beating heart. With his soul on his shoulder, ready to sacrifice and do anything to get you back. And if you didn't change your mind, it would be with a mind ready to carve your image into his memory so he could enjoy seeing you one last time in his miserable life.
Before he could change his mind, he knocked on the door.
He waited patiently, hearing footsteps approaching. He held his breath as the key turned in the lock.
But you weren't the one who opened the door for him.
"What?" a well-built, dark-haired man stood in the doorway.
Kaz began to compare himself to him, concluding that, when it came to appearance, he was superior to him in everything. He didn't stand a chance against someone like that for your heart. Doubts began to flood back into him. What if Nina was right?
"Are you going to stand here for half a day or..."
"Jackson!" your voice from the depths of the apartment shook Kaz. It froze him completely, irritating the man in front of him even more. "I need your help here, you big fool. What are you doing?" a moment later, you were standing in the vestibule. Your eyes met. Kaz shivered under your gaze, cursing himself for how quickly he fell under your spell as he stood there completely dazed.
"Y/N." your name came out of his mouth reverently, like a prayer, like a song long forgotten by a wanderer. You looked exactly the same as you did a few months ago. Except for the faint shadows under his eyes, which Kaz considered his greatest enemies.
"Kaz."
"Jackson. Hello there." the man waved at him, stepping between you. Jackson looked at you, worried. Kaz felt both anger welling up in him, a feeling of envy at how close you were with this strange guy, but also relief that you had someone close to take care of you. Not that you couldn't overcome the worst hell alone. He just felt relieved that you didn't have to. "Let him in, or should I kick his ass, wave?"
Wave? Did you two have nicknames for each other?
"It's all right. You can leave us." you said as you walked past him to face Kaz. The man behind you sighed, shaking his head.
"I hope you know what you're doing."
It might as well have been directed at Kaz. For the first time in his whole new Dirtyhands' life, he didn't have a plan, an emergency exit, or another backup plan. But now he was standing in front of you, staring at you helplessly as he absorbed your form. And that damn sea smell in your hair...
"Kaz."
"Y/N." he said as he came back down to earth. He took a small, calming breath. "How are you?"
"Really? Are you here just to ask how I'm doing?" she asked incredulously, folding her arms.
Kaz wrinkled his nose at your dry, angry tone. As he could see, it would be even more difficult than he thought. He stood in front of you, twirling his cane nervously in his hands.
"I'm here for a completely different reason, but I couldn't… I couldn't not come and see you." he admitted turning his gaze back to you after lowering his head in embarrassment.
"I'm alright. My brother and I are having a great time."
"Brother?" he asked. Relief and joy washed over him. Nor could he help himself to this naive hope, which began to warm his cold heart.
"Yes... Jackson. Who did you think he was?" he did not answer. You could have guessed. He knew you saw the flicker of jealousy in his eyes after that strange man called you a wave. You were his tidemaker, his wave, his sea, and all the fucking things. For a moment, he forgot that he was the one who had deprived himself of the right to claim against you. "You saw me, you asked how I was, so you can go now. Goodbye, Kaz." you were about to close the door on him, but at the last moment he put his cane between them, preventing you from doing so. You opened your door again, giving him a questioning look.
"Come back with me." he whispered, defeated. He couldn't let you go. Not again, not after there was still the slightest chance you might still want him.
"What?" you whispered softly, pretty sure you misheard him.
"There's no other reason why I'm here... I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't think or function like a normal person without you next to me. I'm one step away from daydreaming about you, hallucinating, and being insane that you're still by my side, so please... I'm begging you to come back to me. I know I don't deserve you and that I hurt you. You have every right to kick me out, but please, Y/N, just come home."
"What exactly am I supposed to come back to, Kaz? A cold, surly boss who is afraid of his feelings? Who doesn't hesitate to hurt me to protect his heart?"
"I'm not... I'm not good at this. Feelings. I... I don't know what it's like to love, but I know that when I'm with you... when I'm with you, nothing else matters. Not Ketterdam, not power, not Kruge, not wealth, not profit—nothing has ever been on my pedestal. Only you. Always you. And maybe I'm terrified of it, but now I know that I'd rather fight my own demons for you than let you go. I will try my best. If you still want me." he stared at you with undisguised hope in his eyes, only now realising how close he had come to you during your conversation. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, cupping your cheek uncertainly. "I love you, Y/N... even if I'm nothing to you now." he murmured, risking everything and resting his forehead against yours with a sigh.
There must be something in the water
Cause everyday it's getting colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
He inhaled your scent with his eyes closed, waiting for your move. Hope grew with him every second you continued to let him be so close to you.
"You're an idiot, Kaz Brekker." he didn't contradict or argue with you. He was a complete idiot, pushing you away and begging you to come back, all the while acting like a love-crazy fool… however, he wouldn't have it any other way if it meant you taking your place in his office again. If someday he could hold you in his arms… "You have lucky you're my idiot. With all of your bruises, scars, and everything else." you promised, hugging him tighter. You pulled away from him with serious eyes, making Kaz swallow. "But if you do that shit again, forget I'm coming back to you. Also, we need to seriously work on your communication, Brekker. Do you know how long I've had to struggle here with that other idiot who claims to be my brother?"
"I can hear all of it!" you sighed at your brother's grumbling and gave Kaz a meaningful look. Brekker smiled slightly, causing a matching goofy smirk to appear on your face.
"See? But seriously, I'm not kidding. Last chance, Kaz."
"A deal is a deal. You're never going anywhere without me again."
"A red flag!" your brother coughed from the kitchen. You rolled your eyes, grabbing the edge of Kaz's coat sleeve.
"Shut up, Jackson. I'm leaving, I'll be back in an hour! Try not to burn down the apartment, spitfire."
You didn't wait for his answer as you slammed the door behind you and stepped out with Kaz into the street. Brekker led you towards the hotel where the other crows were staying. His hand in yours, which did not escape your notice. You turned your head towards him, giving him a confused look, which made him smile slightly, shifting his gaze to the port and the sea.
At one point, he noticed that one of the waves "attacked" a trader, washing him over. He cursed so loudly that you could hear him even from this distance. Kaz shifted his gaze to you, immediately noticing the sly smirk on your face. Suddenly, the wallet fell from the sky right into your waiting hand, along with droplets of salty, cool water.
He chuckled, shaking his head in amusement as he pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. A self-satisfied smirk formed on his face after seeing your blush.
One day, he will be able to touch you without his gloves. Hold in your arms without layers of clothes on. He will do it. No matter how long it takes him to get rid of the greatest demon of his past. But something told him that you'd keep his head from going under the water again. His queen of waves. His crow. His anchor. And he will make sure that he holds you in his arms forever.
#Spotify#kaz brekker x y/n#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker#kaz x reader#masterlist#six of crows#oneshot#kazzle dazzle#kaz brekker x oc#kaz brekker x fem!reader#kasagia#kaz and jesper#nina zenik#inej ghafa#fools in love#angst with a happy ending#angst with a fluffy ending#fluff#missing someone#romance#flirting#ketterdam#the crows#jesper fahey#kaz x y/n#kaz x you#angst
881 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi! i would like to request kaz brekker x fem!reader where kaz is feeling a lot of pain on his bad leg and reader massages it for him. established relationship please. thank you in advance!
The salve
You could tell that Kaz’s leg had been bothering him for a while now. With the weather changing and the rain pouring down for the second week now, the humidity was atrocious for joints. So Kaz limped and grunted through it. Being in a way worse mood than usual. Meaning that everyone who was around him was catching a handful of snarky remarks for anything. Even breathing too loudly.
You gathered a play of food for him downstairs adding extras so you both could share. He hadn’t been down even once today. Kaz said he was just busy with work but you could tell from the way he was tossing and turning the previous night. He simply couldn’t walk downstairs. The pain had gotten that bad but of course he didn’t show it. His cold mask didn’t slip even once.
Pushing the door open with your hip you walked into your shared room. Smiling at him the moment your eyes locked. Kaz’s eyes caught that spark too but his face stayed stone cold. “You didn’t need to bring it up”, he grunted, turning a page over. “But I did”, you chirped in response, moving to yank that same document out of his grip as you lowered the plate in its place, “Push the chair back and eat”.
Kaz frowned slightly. “Also, take your pants off”, you add with a wave of your hand. “You are confusing me, woman. Why would I eat dinner without my pants?”, Kaz huffed, snatching a piece of roasted potatoe. “Kaz Brekker take your pants off”, you said firmly once more. Keeping his gaze. “Multitasking has never been my favorite thing”, he huffed in frustration but still stood with a grunt, holding onto a table for support. Stoping to breathe. “Let me help you”, you reach for the zipper but he bats your hands away. “I’m not some immobile fool”, he hisses in annoyance. “Kaz, you might think that you can fool me but you’re an idiot here”, you catch his hand placing it on the table so he can hold his weight up while you undo his pants with ease.
“It doesn’t even hurt”, he argues but you only lift your eyebrow at him as you look up at him, “Fine, maybe a little but I don’t need you undressing me”. You only hum as you guide him back down into the chair. Those couple minutes alone were enough to make sweat break out on his forehead. You reach into your pocket, the metal jar of salve gleaming in the low light.
“Where did you get that?”, Kaz asks firmly and you know that you didn’t even need to answer. He knows himself. The stamp on the lid says enough. “Don’t tell me that you went there without me knowing”, you can hear the frustration in his tone. The slumps here had been crowding with new arrivals lately. Arrivals that had been enjoying killing people as of late so Kaz had forbidden you to go there.
“It was quick”, you breathe out, warming the mixture between your fingers. “They can also kill you quickly. Asked for that too?”, Kaz grunted but your fingers pressed on his legs, and his whole body went ridged. “Fuck”, he hissed. “I’m sorry”, you pushed your finger into the knots and stiff muscles. Feeling it gives in. “This will help. The healers are from my old village. You’ll be able to walk tomorrow”, muttering you continued to work your hands all over.
“Not worth it if it puts you in danger”, Kaz argued, his head lulled back. “I would do it again”, you shrugged. “That’s the scary part”, he turned to look at you. The tension in his body already melting away. “Any better?”, you question him, moving to bend his leg through the knee a couple of times. “I would say yes but because you were reckless, I’ll say no”, the side of his lips turned upward and you bit your lip, “What I shame, guess I’ll have to massage your legs some more”, “Guess so”, Kaz shrugged, reaching for a piece of meat pie before guiding the fork to your lips.
#kaz brekker#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker x oc#kaz brekker imagine#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker six of crows#the six of crows x reader#the six of crows imagine#the six of crows#the six of crows x oc
173 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞
𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: kaz brekker x reader
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: kaz struggles with touching peope, specifically skin-to-skin contact. he finds a way around his aversion to make you feel good.
𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬: afab!reader, fem!reader, fingering, kaz's gloves, intimacy struggles, mentions of kaz's canon trauma, virgin!kaz, cumming untouched
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: ~1k
Kaz can’t stand skin-to-skin contact. It was inconvenient, yes, a frustrating side effect of his complicated past, but he’s managed to find loopholes.
Like the gloves, for instance. They acted as both a safety net and a talking point, starting those delightful rumors of his hands being permanently stained with the blood of his enemies, when in reality, he would be incapacitated without the scraps of leather to protect him.
But it had never mattered much, before you.
Human touch, connection, was never something he craved. He appreciates Jesper’s friendship, but has never longed to embrace him. He is fully capable of recognizing an attractive person, acknowledging beauty where it was obvious, but he’s never felt an desire to act on the attraction.
Lust was never something he felt, before you.
He had tried to act on his urges, to be like any other man and touch you, but it had ended poorly. You had given him space as he let the water retreat, and he had been filled with self-loathing for his failure.
And so, he found another loophole. He was a thief, a conman, so of course he could come up with a plan for anything.
The cool leather of his gloves took some getting used to, at first. The same fingers that so easily picked locks and pockets turned clumsy and unsure when they ventured between your legs.
You sat on his desk, naked from the waist down and legs spread wide, while Kaz sat at his desk chair in front of you, still fully clothed. Well, he had undone the top few buttons of his shirt, but that was as close to nude as he could handle at that moment.
Being naked in front of you didn’t embarrass him. Before there was any romance, any attraction evident between you, Kaz had stripped in your presence without concern. It was the proximity though, the vulnerability, that made his clothes a necessary barrier.
One gloved hand rested on your thigh, a silent reminder to keep your legs open for him, while the other was searching for your clit, still unfamiliar and inexperienced with your anatomy.
“Can I guide your hand?” you asked, tone gentle.
He nodded, so you took his wrist softly, being sure to touch only over his sleeve, and helped him find that special spot, the rough texture of the leather a new and thrilling sensation as his thumb flicker softly over your clit, curious.
You whined, your head lolling back as he followed your lead, his touch taking on a new confidence.
Kaz chuckled quietly. “Is this really all it takes?” he asked, a smug look on his face. “I’ve barely done a thing.”
“It feels good,” you replied. “Your gloves...It's different."
"A good sort of different, I assume?" he asked.
You nodded, another moan leaving your lips as he continued to touch your clit with his thumb, deciding to try slipping a finger inside of your hole. You were wet enough to ensure that the leather didn't feel painful going inside.
Although he wasn’t the one being pleasured, Kaz couldn’t help the breathless noises that left him — seeing you so worked up because of him, because of his actions, it was a completely new feeling.
“Saints, Kaz, you’re doing so good,” you panted. “Making me feel so fucking good.”
Your words made him whimper, although he’d take that detail to the grave, his face flushed. It felt good for him, too, to please you. Although he hadn’t touched himself, or let you touch him, just the friction of his pants was almost too much for him to handle, having never experienced masturbation — sometimes, he would wake up with sticky sheets, irritated and embarrassed.
He had spent so long refusing to give in to those dreams, the little thoughts of sex and pleasure and bodies against each other, and you had set loose something within him, the primal desires he'd been forced to ignore due to all he'd been through.
His hips thrust into nothing, the head of his cock leaking as it rubbed against the seam of his pants. You were the only person receiving any stimulation, and yet, he seemed more spent than you. It was endearing, hot and adorable at the same time.
“Fuck, I’m close,” you breathed. “Can you go a little faster?”
Kaz nodded, using two fingers to pump in and out of your pussy, picking up the pace as you’d requested.
It didn’t take long for that sensation to build in your belly, your sounds of pleasure growing louder, more frequent. You came with a shout of his name, and although his cock had remained untouched, he followed you soon after.
His expression was completely shocked, having experienced his first ever orgasm, at least, while awake, and making a conscious effort to make it occur.
You giggled as you came down from your high, looking fondly at his flushed, surprised face. It was an unbelievable honor to see Kaz Brekker at his most vulnerable.
“Did you…?”
“Don’t,” he interrupted, his tone attempting to be stern, and completely failing as his voice shook and his mouth fought to curl into a smile.
And you just laughed again, catching a glimpse of his glove, slick with your cum. “I think you’ll be needing a new pair.”
Kaz looked down at his hands and laughed, too. "I suppose I will."
He didn't seem to mind.
It wasn’t a perfect, passionate night of sloppy kisses and skin slapping skin, but Kaz had made an effort to shed his armor for you, to face his fear of intimacy, and touch.
And that little loophole was just the beginning.
(maybe a part 2...?)
#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x y/n#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker x fem!reader#kaz brekker#six of crows#grishaverse#kaz brekker smut#ophelia's fics
351 notes
·
View notes
Note
I love your thoughtful SoC meta! I would love to know your thoughts on Kaz and Jesper’s relationship. Specifically, I adore Kaz but one thing in particular that always seemed so dark to me was that he enabled Jesper’s gambling addiction even though he obviously does care about him. Kaz is obviously willing to do a lot of fucked up things in service of his goals, but this one in particular, toward his own brother figure, I find sad. It’s kind of addressed during their fight at the end of CK but still feels a little unfinished.
I love Kaz and Jesper's relationship. There's sooooo much to dig into there (way too much for a single meta); it's super juicy and complicated, and one of the best complexities of it is that they often enable and feed off of each other's trauma. The pre-canon status quo is a situation where Kaz and Jesper are, in many ways, using and abusing each other as a way of avoiding dealing with their own trauma. It's a fascinating push-and-pull dynamic because neither of them are pushovers and yet neither one is particularly interested in facing their Issues™ head-on, and they both seemingly recognize that in each other and give each other an uncharacteristic amount of grace in helping the other avoid dealing with it.
In Kaz's case, that most often looks like enabling Jesper's gambling addiction and then repeatedly bailing him out of trouble under the justification of "he's loyal and competent, it would be wasteful to let the other gangs kill him." In Jesper's case, this looks like ignoring Kaz's countless and extremely obvious issues in favor of playing the loyal second. Basically, it's not just Kaz enabling Jesper's gambling addiction; it's also Jesper enabling Kaz's unhinged ruthlessness with little pushback other than a few snarky comments.
They also project a lot of their own issues onto each other! Kaz pushes Jesper away in part because he's projecting the grief and blame he feels over Jordie's death onto Jesper, but Jesper is using Kaz's ruthless pragmatism to escape the crippling disappointment of returning home to face his father's judgement for being a college drop-out, gambling addict, and gang member. And Kaz withholds praise and verbal declarations of trust from Jesper because he hates acknowledging that he cares about people, but Jesper uses Kaz's emotional detachment as a crutch to avoid dealing with his own commitment issues by pining after a boy he knows will never reciprocate his advances. This status quo is, of course, insanely unhealthy for both boys long-term, but where would we be if any of the Crows actually dealt with their issues in a healthy way?
That dynamic, imo, is also only possible because Kaz and Jesper have known each other for longer than anyone else in the main crew; Kaz may have let Inej in further, but he let Jesper in first. As far as we know, Jesper is the first person Kaz genuinely lets past his mile-high walls since Jordie died...but he very deliberately holds him at arms' length in a way that he does not with Inej (something that Jesper notices and is jealous about!). Being "the first" in this case unfortunately comes with a lot of baggage, and Kaz and Jesper would both lowkey rather die than talk about how much they care what the other thinks of them.
Kaz clearly didn't recruit Jesper looking for a friend or someone who reminded him of his dead older brother; he recruited him because he saw someone with a useful skillset who he preferred to be at his side rather than in a rival gang or dead in the canals. It's to Jesper's credit that he managed to break through those walls anyway, but there's only so much he can do in the face of Kaz's armor. And like Inej, Kaz's closed-off personality and actions hurt Jesper repeatedly. But he stays anyway, because he (like Inej) sees the boy underneath the mask that Kaz wears and cares a little too much to let him go:
“He wouldn’t—” Jesper stopped short, and then he laughed. “Of course he would.” Jesper flexed his knuckles, concentrated on the lines of his palms. “Kaz is…I don’t know, he’s like nobody else I’ve ever known. He surprises me.”
“Yes. Like a hive of bees in your dresser drawer.”
Jesper barked a laugh. “Just like that.”
“So what are we doing here?”
Jesper turned back to the sea, feeling his cheeks heat. “Hoping for honey, I guess. And praying not to get stung.”
Inej bumped her shoulder against his. “Then at least we’re both the same kind of stupid.”
“I don’t know what your excuse is, Wraith. I’m the one who can never walk away from a bad hand.”
She looped her arm in his. “That makes you a rotten gambler, Jesper. But an excellent friend.”
“You’re too good for him, you know.”
“I know. So are you."
-Ch. 17, Six of Crows
Kaz is unused to verbalizing the trust he places in others and actively in denial about how much he cares about them until Crooked Kingdom; he spends his time deliberately being cruel and pushing people away even as he proves over and over again that he doesn't actually want them to leave him. This casual assholery hits those closest to him (Inej and Jesper) the hardest because they are clearly trusted with his life but not with his heart, and that hurts them both.
For Inej, resolving that behavior looks like giving him an ultimatum ("I will have you without armor or I will not have you at all") and telling herself to walk away unless he meets her challenge. For Jesper? That looks like duking it out on top of the Geldrenner when they're both at rock bottom, because of course that's the only way either one of those boys is ever going to verbalize the tension that underlies their relationship. There's just a lot of baggage and mutual toxicity and unsaid words that neither of them are very interested in dealing with until everything comes to a head during the Clocktower fight.
I think we also forget that the Kaz-Jesper dynamic we see in the majority of the duology is not their normal dynamic: it's how they interact when Kaz is mad at Jesper. And a mad Kaz is, within the scope of canon, a pretty cruel Kaz, which is something that I think a good portion of the fandom likes to handwave away in favor of pointing towards Kaz's active attempts to be better in the back half of the duology.
Ultimately we only see the "normal" Kaz-Jesper dynamic for the first 12 or so chapters of Six of Crows (when the Dock Fight/Eyeball Incident happens) and the last few chapters of Crooked Kingdom. Those chapters are a really interesting look into what that relationship looks like when they're on good terms. It's clear that they're good friends, trust each other a hell of a lot, and joke around with each other quite a bit (the "saves ammo" joke in the parley chapter, their interactions during the Hellgate breakout, the "man with a knife!" "man with a gun!" exchange immediately after Kaz throws Oomen overboard, etc), but we also see the stress points: Jesper getting mad at Kaz for not telling him about Big Bolliger's betrayal, Kaz sending Wylan with Jesper during the prep chapters to keep an eye on him, and Jesper's bee and honey conversation with Inej on the Ferolind, for example.
These stress points are what fracture and crack in the aftermath of Jesper accidentally alerting the other gangs that they were headed out on the Ice Court Job and nearly causing Inej's death, and further buckle under the stress and pressure that Kaz and Jesper deal with during the following month and a half: the Ice Court job, Van Eck kidnapping Inej on Vellgeluk, Colm showing up in Ketterdam, and the Sugar Silo/Auction scheme.
In this way, I think Kaz enabling Jesper's gambling addiction is less about Kaz being actively cruel towards someone he sees the ghost of his brother in and punishing Jesper for the sins he percieves Jordie to have made (which is also true, and a meta for a different time!) and more about the weird balance of toxic mutual leniency Kaz and Jesper have allowed the other to provide for them for over two years...and how that leniency breaks down once it's not just Kaz's life or time on the line when Jesper fucks up.
Put more succinctly: for a long time, Kaz and Jesper existed in a toxic balance of enabling each others' worst impulses and behaviors, which was only able to be verbally addressed when they were both at rock bottom, desperate, and seemingly had very little left to lose. This conflict is somewhat addressed and resolved in the conversation where Kaz refuses to give Jesper the last of the parem and offers up a tiny bit of information about Jordie—showcasing his own growth and how he's finally trying to break the cycle by refusing to enable Jesper's self-destructive tendencies—but that level of tension is unable to be properly resolved in one single blowout argument. And I think it's deliberately left a bit unfinished because neither of them are really in a place where they're ready to address everything they've left unsaid for so long, even in the epilogue chapters.
However, we do see the beginnings of that reconcilitaion (Kaz asking Inej to tell Jesper that he's "missed around the Slat") and the story ends on a hopeful note regarding Kaz's commitment to removing his armor, which implies a lot about the resolution of that dangling thread. And of course, we know that by Rule of Wolves they're back to being thick as thieves and fucking around as usual, so clearly they hashed it out at some point in the in-between (and personally? I don't think it took either of them very long after the CK epilogue chapters to do that hashing out).
tl;dr: I love it when two traumatized and emotionally constipated teenage boys use each other to avoid facing their own personal problems and then get into a fistfight to avoid talking about how much they care about each other. Top-tier dynamic. Chef's kiss. I could talk about them for hours.
#also thank you so much for the ask and kind words#I hope this meta did your question justice and makes up for the fact that I didn't answer it for so long#kaz brekker#jesper fahey#six of crows#crooked kingdom#soc meta#asks#long post#(very long post; rip and sorry for not using a read more but it didn't quite fit anywhere)#queue
168 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello! I've got an idea for some headcanons! (If you're comfortable) Maybe dry humping with Kaz for the first time because he's not ready for skin to skin content but he's ready for something :)
yes yes YES!!!!
nsfw under the cut!
kaz would be dying to touch you, i think that it would literally be ripping him apart that he doesn't have the strength to do so yet. because he wants to pleasure you, he desires you so much that it probably gets to the point where it pisses him off that he doesn't feel comfortable with touch yet.
but you understand this, at this point the two of you have been together for so long that you know all about his trauma with jordie and touch that you don't let him beat himself up about it.
so instead, you two try to think of different things to be intimate. slowly building him up to the idea of going all the way.
you two have kissed, done all of that stuff, but the two of you still haven't been able to have sex, or you give him head, or anything of the sorts.
honestly, the idea of dry humping didn't get on any of your guys' radar before one day you were sitting together and you were looking at his thigh, watching it flex for just a moment and suddenly getting the sudden overwhelming horniness.
i mean come on, the man is so fucking hot. like drop dead gorgeous and he doesn't even try.
and then without even thinking you put your book down, turn to face him and watch as his attention came onto you. you breathed out suddenly, asking, "do you trust me?" and of course his answer is yes. "just stop me if it's too much."
you got up and straddled him, which caught kaz by surprise because hello you're so hot and straddling him and this isn't the closest you've ever been to one another but it's pretty close. his breathing gets heavier, yours does too.
you placed yourself above his hips, clothes against clothes, and bucked your hips forward, feeling your core press against his clothed dick and OH MY LORD does it feel good.
all this pent up tension between the both of you is finally getting some relief and at this point kaz is realizing what you're doing, it feels so good for him too, that his gloved hands place themselves on your hips and start helping you with the movement. your head finds its way to his shoulder and you're lightly moaning into his neck. he even lets out a few grunts too.
and you two continue like that until you both find release. earth shattering, amazing release and you two realize that there is a lot you can do clothed. and you were definitely doing this again.
#kaz brekker smut#kaz brekker fanfiction#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker#six of crows fanfiction#six of crows fanfic#six of crows#netflix shadow and bone#shadow and bone fanfiction#shadow and bone#kaz brekker headcanon
870 notes
·
View notes
Text
A MISTAKE | KAZ BREKKER
Summary: Imagine doing an unsuccessful heist and Kaz taking it out on you.
The heist hadn't gone as planned. It was no one's fault, you had just been incredibly unlucky, but Kaz was still enraged at everyone and looking for a guilty one, accusing everyone on their turn before you stepped in.
"Kaz, stop it." You sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself. "We could have done nothing otherwise. Sometimes these things happen, it isn't anyone's fault. You made a brilliant plan, we all tried to follow it-"
"No," Kaz grumbled, glaring at you in turn. "A mistake like this can't happen without someone taking responsibility. You weren't much of an use either, or what were you doing there at the hallway when guards were rushing towards us? We could have hid, but you gave us away before we could. I blame you all the same for this failure!" He shouted, his eyes flashing dangerously.
Your face dropped at Kaz's words and you took a step back from him. His hands clenched around his cane as he glared at you.
"I didn't do anything wrong," you mumbled, trying to hold his gaze.
He snorted and turned away from you. "Yes, you did. This wasn't your first job, so why the hell did you think you could get away with going solo there?!"
You rolled your eyes, clenching your jaw. "I had to! They could have reached us and killed us all if I didn't slow them down!"
Kaz scoffed. "If you would have followed the plan, we could have had an opportunity to hide!"
"No," you shook your head quickly. "They knew exactly where we were, they would have surrounded us and either imprisoned us or killed us! For your information, I saved our lives so thank you so much for your fucking gratitude!"
"Kaz, they're right, we could have-" Jesper tried to intervene but Kaz interrupted him.
"This is between me and them, keep your mouth shut!" Kaz growled.
"Hey, let's just all take some time to calm down." Wylan murmured as he carefully approached you but Kaz still hadn't stopped.
"You're of no use," he snarled at you. "We don't need people like you during heists, maybe you should take up the broom instead or stay in your room, out of sight."
"Kaz!" Inej scolded him while the rest of the Crows stood dumbfounded, staring at Kaz in shock.
Your eyes became glossy, tears threatening to spill over. But Kaz still didn't seem to care. So you turned around and sprinted towards the Slat, letting the cold wind bite your face as your tears finally began cascading over your cheeks.
The Crows stood there for a while, seeing you disappearing to the crowd. Then they all laid disappointed looks at Kaz.
"Happy now?" Nina sighed and started walking faster, with no doubt of wanting to offer a listening ear for your once again broken heart.
They all knew you both had feelings for each other, but you didn't deserve to be treated like this by him. Kaz was usually cool and collected, but his conflicted feelings for you merged with frustration was never pretty to watch. But this was something worse than your usual bickerings, and Inej noticed the slight flash of regret in Kaz's eyes. He hid it incredibly well, but it was still there. She'd pop by his window in the morning and talk him into apologising to you like so many times before - you deserved to know he still cared about you, even when you had fights like these. She was just concerned about how many fights would you take before giving up on him...
---
Inej's presence floated in the air early in the morning. Sun had barely risen, and Kaz had once again stayed awake the whole night. You had usually made him sleep a little, even take a nap. Telling him his brains would be able to work harder if he slept and he wouldn't feel so frustrated.
But yesterday, from obvious reasons, you hadn't come to talk him into going into bed for a little while. It had felt weird, but Kaz knew the reason. Nina had taken food with her at the evening and headed towards your room, laying a glare at Kaz as she passed him but didn't say anything.
Kaz had sensed Inej long before the shadow passed his desk and Inej's soft steps approached him.
"Kaz," she sighed. "You owe them an apology."
Kaz ignored her. "What time is it?"
"Early."
"Is anyone else awake yet? We need to start working on a new plan."
"No. We need to talk about your fight yesterday with a certain Dreg."
"Why?" Kaz asked, irritated.
"When will you go and apologise to them?"
"There's nothing to apologise for."
"You had them cry in Nina's arms for an hour. Nina had to help them to fall asleep. So yes, you do have something to apologise for."
"It's fine, Inej."
"I'm serious, Kaz."
"They'll get over it."
"If you want them to hate you forever."
"They already hate me," Kaz muttered.
Inej sighed, staring at Kaz for a moment. Kaz ignored her accusatory look and just continued working with the plan. Suddenly, Inej's hand appeared on his way.
"Saints, Kaz!" she exclaimed suddenly and Kaz's eyes met hers for the first time today. "You need to think about their feelings for once."
"I don't have time to think about whether someone gets hurt from things I say, in the Barrel, you have to be tough and if you aren't, you're screwed." He huffed.
Inej sighed. "We all know you care about them more than you care about the rest of us. We know you have feelings for them."
Kaz paused then, letting a long breath through his nose. "I don't have feelings for them."
"You do. We all have seen how you look at each other. Nina has heard your heart when you look at them. You both are just so stubborn and won't act for it. It's getting ridiculous."
"It's not like that."
"You say it's not like that, but still everything points the other way."
"You don't know what you're talking about," Kaz growled, his fingers tapping the desk.
Inej groaned. "Kaz, you know you want to go to apologise. Swallow your pride for once.."
He huffed. "Dirtyhands being soft for someone doesn't fit the picture."
Inej laughed and rolled her eyes. "I know that while living in the Barrel and being a crime boss, it's necessary. But I know you. This is just petty, and you don't want to lose them. Go apologise. Or I'll drag you there."
Kaz looked at Inej for a moment longer before he took a big breath in and stood up. "Fine," he grumbled, "I'll go talk to them."
---
Kaz didn't know how long exactly he had stood in front of your room. He couldn't help but think that you would be too angry at him to speak - and Inej's claim of you having feelings for him.
It wasn't possible. Kaz's feelings for you were hardly possible, so yours would be even less. And you'd deserve someone better than him anyway.
Kaz tried to convince himself of this, but a little voice echoed at the back of his head.
What if they do like you back?
He stared at your door for a moment longer before finally bringing himself to knock.
A groan was heard and then your groggy voice, "Coming..."
The door opened and Kaz's heart started to beat faster the moment he saw you. You squinted your eyes at the light and when you recognised him, your expression immediately transformed into a scowl.
"What do you want?" you snapped, your hands on your hips and your hair messy from sleep.
Kaz opened his mouth but then shut it again. You were angry, he was sorry but he didn't know how to word it. He sighed.
"I thought we should talk this through," he finally said, taking a step forward.
You didn't say anything and just stared at him for a moment. "Oh, mighty Dirtyhands wants to talk now."
Kaz groaned and was quiet for a moment. "I owe you... an apology."
"I don't want to hear it," you said and attempted to slam the door shut, but Kaz got his cane between it and pushed himself inside to your room.
"We need to talk," Kaz said, moving his cane into your way again. "And I won't leave until we do."
"Stop that," you snapped.
"Why?"
"Because I'm trying to be mad at you."
Kaz bit back a smile at that. "If you want to be mad at me, you need to have a proper reason for it."
You huffed and crossed your arms. "Fine, then talk."
Kaz sighed and laid his gaze on his hands gripping the cane. "What I said last night was needless and inconsiderate. I..." He clenched his jaw and cast his eyes downwards for a moment, and then met your eyes again and continued. "I apologise for it."
He glanced up at you, expecting to still see your anger, but instead, your expression was confused.
"Well, I wasn't expecting that."
Kaz smirked at your confusion. "I know how to be an asshole, but I'm trying to be a good boss, too."
You chuckled. "I've gotten used to you being an asshole even when I know you care about me- care about us, I mean, so... it's weird to hear you apologise."
Kaz huffed with a small smile, his heart thudding. He smiled at you, and you were smiling too, and he felt his heart jump at that.
"Have you slept at all last night?" you asked him.
Kaz shook his head. "No. I had work."
You sighed and rolled your eyes. "Work can wait, you go have a nap right now."
You opened the door for him, and you began ascending the stairs together. Kaz smirked at your order. "And if I won't?"
You laughed. "I'll knock you out and drag you to bed. Your call."
---
Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)
#kaz brekker#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker x y/n#shadow and bone x reader#shadow and bone imagine#shadow and bone#sab#sab x reader#sab imagine#gn reader#reader insert#my works
242 notes
·
View notes
Text
Amendmends - Kaz Brekker x Reader
[Part II]
[contains vulgar language]
SUMMARY: When two of your thugs get into a fight at the Slat, you have to go apologize in person. The owner seems suspiciously happy to have you indebted to him.
WORDCOUNT: ~ 1.9k
>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist<<
“You did what?!”
The two men flinch. Feeling too humiliated to look the incandescent bull in the eye, they resort to twiddling their thumbs and riveting their gazes into the cracked, wooden floor. They’re not greenhorns and neither are they unfamiliar with your character, so it’s unclear why they ever thought this confrontation would go in any way differently. Perhaps some juvenile naivety told them this moment would, simply, never come.
“We got into a fight,” one of them repeats. Fear makes his voice waver, resounding a lot quieter than the first time he announced their misdeed. The humiliation only gnaws further at his heart as the boy involuntarily relives all of the reprimands he had received from his parents.
His partner in crime lets out a defeated sigh. The man nudges his friend and whispers: “Come on, Sorokin, she’ll know anyway.” With a sour expression on his face, he lifts his gaze to look at the woman standing behind the desk. Your nostrils are flared as you breathe hard trying to maintain composure. The unfaltering scowl you wear so well makes him gulp. “We started a fight at the Slat. One of the patrons was cheating, wasn’t even doing it very well, so we thought it was our civic duty to put it to a stop.”
You lean forward ever so slightly, hinging on your arms. Although you’re in all ways smaller than them, it doesn’t affect their fright: wolves, after all, also seem not as big when they're preparing to pounce. Words leave your mouth like venom slowly dripping from a viper’s fangs: “You have no fucking civic duty on the Crows’ turf, you bellend.”
“Boss, we-”
Sorokin immediately stops talking when you raise your hand in a quieting gesture. You close your eyes and clench the raised hand into a fist. Only after a slow, deep breath can you continue:
“Just shut your mouth while you still can move it freely. I don’t care for your excuses and promises to do better because I’m the one who has to go to Kaz Brekker and apologize on your behalf.” You push yourself away from the decorative, engraved desk. Unknowingly, you’re shaking your head, looking away from the two bullyboys for a moment. In a gesture of frustration, you pinch the bridge of your nose. “Saints only know what he’ll want for giving up retaliation,” you say under your breath. A moment of tense, reflective silence goes by before your gaze returns to the two men. The scowl immediately reappears. “What’re you standing here for? Fuck off.”
With a flick of your wrist, the crooks bolt out the door, praising the Saints that they get to see another day. Maybe they are the ones scrubbing the floors pro bono for the next two weeks but at least they’re alive. Considering the genius loci of Ketterdam, that is as good as anything.
Jesper and Inej do not pay attention to the constant opening and closing of doors to the Slat - there’s no point. Their curiosity, however, is piqued when the noise of the lively club becomes muffled and cheering turns into low murmurs and grunts. Although positioned in completely different places, they simultaneously look towards the entrance, wondering what menace could strike reluctance into the heartless thugs of the Barell.
As expected as it wasn’t, considering the area, it’s a woman. In an utter lack of taste and respect for social etiquette, you’re dressed in rather expensive men’s clothing. You even have a decorative cane with a panther’s head on top, although the item is strangely short, suggesting that it’s more of a status symbol than a mobility aid. Golden accessories, proof of acquired wealth, glimmer in the low, yellow lights of the club.
“Should we do something?” Inej whispers to Jesper, making him flinch in surprise. Really, how is she doing it time and time again?
“No way, Inej,” he laughs dryly at the notion. “It’s the Golden Panther herself. We’ve no bad blood with her and let’s hope it can stay that way.”
The name isn't in any way the stranger's own incentive - only what the victims saw right before being knocked out cold: golden, heavy rings and a black tattoo of a roaring panther on the back of your hand. Some of the more egotistic goons in Ketterdam try to mimic the artwork with other supposedly dangerous animals but it never has the same ominous feeling.
“Then why is she walking straight towards us?”
His gaze returns to the unexpected guest. Inej is right - in an unbothered stroll, you’re making your way to them. When the Panther’s stern, cold gaze meets his, the man feels anxiety building up in his chest. If Kaz had a sister, that would be her. In any other circumstances, he’d laugh at that thought but with the fiend in front of him, humour has somehow fled.
Jesper slowly puts down his drink, his other hand mindlessly resting on top of the revolver behind his belt. “I don’t know but I don’t like this.”
Inej scrunches her nose. "I always imagined it’s a man."
"Well, I thought she'd be, you know, bigger,” Jesper says in a hushed voice. The Slat is strangely quiet and you’re sure to hear his comment if he speaks any louder. “Considering Panther and all."
You stop in front of them. Physique-wise, you don’t seem very threatening to either of the Crows. No, it’s something in the air, as though your presence elicits some kind of aura that makes people want to flee from sight, noisy lowlifes become as meek as sheep. Jesper wonders if this is how aristocrats and politicians feel when someone mentions the Queen of Beggars.
Golden Panther looks between the two of them. In an unexpectedly polite fashion, both of your hands are holding the decorative cane. After a moment, your gaze stops on Jesper. You look him up and down but he’s unsure whether he should feel threatened or flattered.
“You’re the one who got into that fight yesterday, aren’t you?” you finally ask.
Oh, that.
Jesper grips the gun tighter. “Yeah, that would be me.”
You put your hand into the pocket of your dress trousers, apathetic eyes still set on him, and pull out a wad of banknotes. Without looking at them, never even thinking to count the amount, you lay it next to his drink on the bar counter.
“For the trouble. Buy yourself something nice. Where’s the owner?”
“In his office,” Jesper answers with a vague motion of his hand.
With a curt nod of your head, you leave the two Crows to find the man you’ve been truly looking for. When you’re out of earshot, the stairs creaking under your weight, Jesper turns to Inej:
“Did I just get pocket money from Lady Belladonna?” he asks in a hushed voice.
“I’m afraid you did.”
Immediately, he grabs the wad of cash, counting the banknotes. His eyes only grow wider as the stack of 50s doesn’t seem to end - Jesper Fahey is suddenly something of a rich man.
You don’t knock. The door swings open and Kaz is about to tell off anyone who’s disturbing him when he notices you standing on the threshold. Without a word of either warning or welcome, he grabs his cane. Twisting off the top of your staff, you pull the accessory slightly apart, revealing a sharp blade hidden inside.
“Show me yours, tough guy. Bet mine’s bigger,” you jest. Then you close the cane and Kaz, although hesitant, lets go of his. “I come in peace.”
“What brings you here?” he asks impatiently.
You take a deep breath and sigh. The chair in front of him is left vacant but considering the reason for your visit, it would be impolite to sit around. “I’d like to apologize.” Kaz raises his eyebrows in surprise. He knows the business well enough to know that people of your sort don’t adhere to courtesy often. “The fight that broke out yesterday? My boys. They weren’t supposed to be here but that doesn’t change anything. What’s done is done and since they wear claws around their necks, they’re my responsibility.”
For a moment you look away, biting the inside of your cheek. It’s the right thing to do but Saints’ mercy, is it humiliating. Kaz doesn’t say anything, curious anticipation egging him to let the tense silence squeeze the truth out of you.
You look at him again. The anger of having to fawn on someone makes you tighten the grip on your cane. "I can pay you for the damages but I can't undo the injuries or the fucking headache. Instead, I'm offering you my service. One job, no matter how bloody insane, I'll do it. Just leave my boys alone."
Kaz sits back in his chair, taking in the fascinating turn of events. In all of your demimonde courtesy, you’ve done exactly what he had expected you to do. You swear there’s a shadow of a grin creeping unto his face and that’s when you realize you’ve probably manoeuvred yourself into a problematic, inescapable corner. If half of the stories they say about him are true, you’re going to shake hands with death herself in the nearest future, probably more than once.
A scoff flies past your lips. You look at him through squinted eyes but he doesn’t seem to mind that. Why would he? He just scored a jackpot without stepping out of his office.
“I know that look, Brekker,” you stress the sudden lack of courtesy. “You’ve been waiting for this moment your whole fucking life, haven’t you? The Golden Panther at your beck and call.”
“There is one job that will utilize your methods,” he puts a strange, although meaningful stress on the word, “but it’s nothing sure for now.”
He plays his cards well. So well, in fact, that you can’t tell whether he’s honest or bluffing. The only thing you are sure of is that if he lives up to his name, Kaz is bound to have some kind of ace up his sleeve, even if it’s unadulterated rage - he will either find or create a problem for you to solve, never as much as entertain the thought of passing up on your offer.
There is simply no way that a man of his skill and expertise doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing. Like those miserable churchgoers praying to the Saints for a sign, you too now have to obediently await the fateful word of Kaz Brekker. You’re a fiddle and through your own goodwill, you have appointed him a fucking virtuoso.
“I’ll be anticipating your word, Brekker,” you grit the last bits of politeness through your teeth. “In the meantime, don’t try to think about me too often. Might neglect your business and the panther…” your voice trails off and you shrug with faux innocence, “The panther only needs to find you once.”
“It’s a bold assumption that I spend any minute of my time thinking about you.”
“Well, you’re doing it now, aren’t you?” The cocky smile on your face only annoys him. “До свидания,” you throw while vaguely saluting at him.
When the door shuts behind you, Kaz lets out a frustrated sigh. You’re going to make this whole operation incomparably easier for him - that is, if he doesn’t kills you first. For the sake of his sanity.
#six of crows#six of crows fanfiction#soc#six of crows imagine#six of crows fanfic#six of crows x reader#six of crows x you#shadow and bone#sab#shadow and bone fanfiction#shadow and bone imagine#shadow and bone x reader#shadow and bone x you#shadow and bone fanfic#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker fanfiction#kaz brekker imagine#kaz brekker fanfic#kaz brekker
774 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi Kaz! Ik it says requests temporarily closed in your bio but I just wanted to leave a little thought here :) You don’t have to write it fast, take your time always!
Undefeated Boxer!Rindou and his hot gf always coming to the matches to support him/cheer him on
After every win she gives him a *special* reward😉
Undefeated Boxer!Rindou x Girlfriend!Reader
♡ SFW->NSFW, established relationship, oral->male receiving to face fucking (in a car btw), Ran is Rindou's manager ♡
note: anon I love this little thought 😭🩷 Rindou would honestly be a good boxer, I feel like he'd be into Muay Thai for some reason lol
❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀
🥊 You come to every one of Rin's fights, sitting right next to Ran and cheering him on and screaming his name (sometimes you bring banners with his name on it too)
"Beat his ass Rin!"
"You got this Rindou! Hit him with a right!"
🥊 You and Ran always jump out of your seats and clap when Rin wins, it's routine at this point
🥊 As soon as Rin exits the ring you're all over him, hugging and kissing him all over his face
🥊 You're so touchy and look so damn fine, it's no surprise when you start to feel his erection poking against you through his shorts
🥊 As soon as he gets changed you two walk to your car, he hops in the driver's side and immediately puts the seat back, pulling his sweatpants down hurriedly
🥊 So of course you do what a good girlfriend would do and lean over to give him head
🥊 You can't help but moan when you feel his rough hand on the back of your neck, holding you steady while he starts thrusting up into your mouth
🥊 Rin is very vocal and it's relatively quiet outside, so you get to hear all his grunts and moans
🥊 Praises you the whole time
"F-fuck angel, that's it.. just like that darling~"
"Can't wait to cum in your pretty lil mouth ♡"
🥊 Cums in your mouth and gets hard again while watching you swallow it
"Damn princess...I think it's time we go home so I can show you how much I really appreciate you."
❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀
Taglist
@arlerts-angel @i-literally-cant-with-this @trevengersprincess @giugiette @katkusuo @happy-trenchcoated-impala @drunkcheesecake @darkstarlight82 @reiners-milkbiddies @manji-hoe
#tokyo revengers headcanons#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers smut#rindou haitani smut#rindou x reader#rindou headcanons#rindou fluff
105 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
ithinkthereforeidread
defensive pessimistic
thecapitallettero-blog
The Capital Letter O
morganaspendragonss
damn the consequences