How long do you plan making rekindled? I loved Lo at some point, But now I cant get enough of your version!! And I wanted to know how did you come up with the darker back stories for Rekindled?

I have a semi-detailed skeleton of the plot with basically every story beat planned out, but I can't definitively say how long it will be as I haven't actually scripted every single episode out yet.

Not to mention a lot of the time my scripts will change from their original versions, by the time I get to an episode I've planned ahead for I've either thought of new ways to do it or don't like how it's paced so I change it. Case in point, there was a specific scene I had planned for the next episode and then wound up not liking the pacing because it was too fast so I moved it to several episodes away and restructured everything on the fly, took a whole new text document and scrapping sketches to figure shit out LOL I actually do have up until Episode 70ish scripted out in my documents with like, actual notes and dialogue for each episode, but I already have sooo many of those crossed out now because of how much I've had to tweak and change as time has gone on. This is why I plan ahead well in advance though, so that if I do need to make those changes, I can make them long before the episodes are even due to be drawn (and believe me, they get changed during the sketching phases too LOL).

What I can confirm for certain is that the current 'arc' we're in right now is definitely the bulk of the story. And that's not to say there isn't any content afterwards, more like the pacing just gets completely turned on its head in the last 30-40% of it where shit gets N U T S and just can't go back to the same energy that it was in the beginning. Without spoiling, there's a certain 'turning point' in the plot and everything after it isn't quite as long as the stint of story we're in now. This is mostly because the arc we're currently in is still establishing a bunch of stuff like the Underworld Corp, Persephone's schooling, etc. and once that turning point hits, it's basically all character development and focusing on the consequences of everything setup in the first arc.

I guess if I had to illustrate it, the story progression in the end will look something like this?

It's basically just this slow and chill climb that, once it hits that sharp peak, doesn't ever return to normal levels LMAO So I guess enjoy this part of the story while you can because it's the chillest it'll ever be w(°ｏ°)w And boy, I am EXCITED for that peak, but we have a long way to go before we get there. As for how long, well, I'm hoping I'll be able to have Rekindled's story wrapped up in the next 2 years, tops. Just depends on how the update schedule goes, and assuming the plans I have put down for the plotting don't change in any major way. I don't have as much of the latter half of the story actually scripted out yet so for all I know it could wind up being way longer than anticipated, but right now I have a pretty good sense of how the story beats will play out in relation to each other.

So it's kind of a wait and see thing, at least until I have every episode scripted out, and even then I won't be 100% sure because things are always being tweaked and fixed and changed on the fly! I'm guessing it won't go much longer than 170 episodes, give or take, but that's a very very VERY rough estimate.

Regardless, Rekindled still has a lot more story to tell, and I'm hoping y'all enjoy the ride with me <3

As for the darker backstories, y'all don't even know yet. Like... I've got stuff planned. Stuff that even Banshriek (my BG assistant) doesn't know about. Stuff that I keep buried very deep in Rekindled's episode documents that won't see the light of day until they have to be ripped out of the deep dark trenches of the characters' own buried secrets, and by that point, the toothpaste will be out of the tube, there will be no going back. So, again... enjoy it while it lasts. Because I don't pull my punches. And maybe even you won't be able to look at me the same way again once the final blow has been dealt.

Sleep well.

:)

i CANNOT believe we haven’t talked about the moment yet what is happening please tell me the things you need to get off your chest like how ‘i’ll see you in the morning’ haunts you

HOW have we not talked about this yet?!?! Oh my gosh there’s so much. I have so many feelings about this conversation.

Uh oh, this needs a cut. Didn’t mean to turn this into an entire analysis of that conversation, but apparently I had a lot I needed to get off my chest.

How are YOU holding up with all this?!?!

I was really worried about you... when you fell. ... This suddenly feels far more serious than I thought it might be.

UMMMMM. His voice?! This whole time. His voice is like... unsteady and rough and he’s quiet the entire time. Fjord tends to be pretty subtle anyway, so quiet isn’t exactly rare for him, but this actually shook him to his core AND YOU COULD HEAR IT. It messed him up so bad that he threw all of his plans to wait out of the window?!

It felt like hell. It felt like torment.

And we have to stop it, right?

I’m emotional about THIS because JESTER?! She lost FIVE YEARS. Not only did she have to see this again, feel it, but she lost five years. And it’s clearly hurting her, but she’s not letting herself worry about it, because there are bigger things to worry about. It’s just the way both of them push their own emotions to the side to be dealt with later in favor of the larger problems at hand. It’s so admirable.

AND HE’S NOT EVEN... okay wait.

I... I may have a... a... a problem.

THE WAY HE CAN’T EVEN SAY IT. He’s so NERVOUS. Because he KNOWS why he’s THERE.

And JESTER. What is it? So fast! She’s so worried! She probably thinks it’s Uk’otoa or Kotho contacted Fjord about Sabian again or something.

I saw you standing on that pillar. It was the first time where I kept myself from... trying to... stop something that was happening TO you and... I didn’t do anything and it’s bothered me.

He has a problem. His problem is that he can’t focus past the fact that something might happen to Jester. THE THING HERE. IS THE EMPHASIS ON THE WORD ‘TO’. “Stop something that was happening TO you”. Like, all of the times throughout this campaign that we weren’t overanalyzing. We’ve made the list a thousand times and I don’t need to repeat them. here

ALSO. Think about how many things in Fjord’s life have happened TO him. He doesn’t WANT that to happen to anyone else. Especially not Jester.

But wait. Like. He didn’t say it, but he really CAN’T focus past the idea that Jester specifically might not make it out of this. The guilt he’s been carrying after the Iron Shepherds. He took all the responsibility of that onto his shoulders and I don’t think anyone realizes that he’s still hanging onto that.

It seems to have exacted a pretty serious toll.

It’s just... his voice! And the way Jester’s face falls!! I’ve been pretty worried about how Jester still seems to be putting up the ‘happy’ facade for everyone and you can truly see in this moment how much it bothers her that she’s lost time.

I want to come out of this and be able to go back to the sea and go back to Nicodranas and go back to where it’s warm and not fucking freezing and...

Me too.

They miss HOME. The poor Coast Kids miss their home. They’re both so sad. But okay. The hilarious thing here? Is that Fjord? Is talking about how he wants to go back. To THEIR home. With HER. And it hasn’t HIT HER yet, because she’s distracted! She has no idea what’s about to happen.

I just don’t know if that’s... I don’t feel as optimistic now.

Me neither. But... I’ll try to be safe. And you should, too. But if it comes down to it, if it means stopping that thing? I want to stop that thing.

AND HERE. What was it he said to her at Travelercon? And you care about people you know, about people you don't know. You cause chaos, but in the end, you don't want to hurt people. You care. This is something that he LOVES about her, but right now, it’s just... okay I’m trying to put this into the right words.

*sharp inhale* I told your mother I would look after you.

Yeah. I’ll be fine, Fjord. We always are.

Continued from the previous thought. HERE’S THE DEAL. Fjord knows he can’t protect Jester from this, no matter how much he wants to. His voice is breaking over that. And Jester’s is, too. They’re saying all these words here, but they’re also NOT. I don’t know. I’m watching the video again while I’m typing this, so this moment is breaking my heart in slow motion.

It’s not even just on Fjord’s side. Jester’s doing that thing right now where she deflects, because that’s what she does and trying to reassure Fjord because he’s never been so worried about her and she doesn’t know what else do to while Fjord is sitting here like we’re running out of time we’re running out of time we’re running out of time. Like, that’s the whole thing. He can see that they’re running out of time on Jester’s face. Literally. It was one thing for him to wait to tell her until after he sorted out his life when they felt invincible. But... out of all the danger they’ve been in before, he’s always been able to follow her. She’s never had to be alone in it, because he was one step behind her. And this time? There was literally nothing to do. He was powerless. He is powerless.

This part of the exchange is so loaded. You can FEEL Fjord about to break. It is tangible on the screen because his voice keeps shaking and he takes that huge breath.

IT’S JUST. He’s trying SO HARD. I always talk about this, but this one specific  time Travis was on Talks lives in my head rent free. The time when he talks about how much Jester’s unconditional and unrelenting support has meant to Fjord and how much Fjord wants to be able to return that. ALL he wants to do is be there for her and she’s still not opening up to him and he has NO IDEA if what he’s about to do is going to work. He has no idea if she’s going to be okay with what he’s about to tell her.

I care very much for you.

Really?

JESTER’S VOICE IS SO SOFT. SO SOFT. AND HE’S LOOKING AT HER. AND SHE’S LOOKING AT HIM.

I’m melting over this moment.

*huge sigh*

Is it because I have chiseled cheekbones now?

It’s the longer horns.

Yeah, it really does it, doesn’t it?

Yeah. It gives you an intimidating look.

YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS?! Jester saw that Fjord was nervous and she immediately tries to defuse the tension with a joke. And he jokes back. Because that’s what they do together. They’re goofy and silly and they comfort each other and Fjord LIKES that she’s strong.

Listen I’ve got clips saved up from my last rewatch because I want to make a gifset of the times Fjord has been openly appreciative of strong Jester and one day I’m gonna do it.

I mean they’re joking around, but Fjord is like, super attracted to Jester and I really love that for her. But it’s MORE than that, because he’s attracted to her, but the thing that won him over was who she is so every time he talks about how attractive he finds her, it’s just icing on the cake. He doesn’t just want to see her, he wants to know her and I don’t know how I got to this point from this section but here I am, I’m not going back.

C A N I K I S S Y O U

OKAY.

I’m gonna hyperventilate again for a sec.

It caught Jester SO OFF GUARD. AND THEN SHE’S NODDING AND THEY’RE SMILING AT EACH OTHER LIKE THEY’RE SO IN LOVE AND IT’S JUST BEAUTIFUL HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LIVE LIKE THIS

HOW.

Kissing is a lot more fun when you’re not dying.

Jester!!! She brought up the kiss! THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER AFTER THIS. LIKE. They both acknowledge the “kiss that wasn’t a kiss” AS A KISS. I never thought we’d hear about this again! But Jester’s been thinking about it THIS WHOLE TIME!!!

I love this though. The first time, he kisses her to save her life so she can get them out of that temple. This time, he kisses her, because he can’t stand the idea of losing her.

BUT ALSO. KISSING IS FUN. Jester!!! Liked!! Being kissed! By Fjord!!!

I want them to have downtime so bad. I want them to be able to spend time walking around Nicodranas and kissing and going on little dates and eating ice cream at the Lavish Chateau and hanging out at the beach with Luc. I WANT THEM TO HAVE QUIET MOMENTS.

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

This was so cute! This last part might be my favorite part of the conversation. Because Jester got all flustered and FOR ONCE Fjord didn’t get awkward! He was just so RELIEVED to have told her! And she was so HAPPY?! The CUTEST grin on her face! EVER.

I’VE WANTED TO DO IT FOR A WHILE.

JESTER’S GIGGLE HERE!!!!!!!!!!! I love this for her so much. I just do. She’s been SO into him for SO long and she didn’t think he liked her back and here he is TELLING HER HE’S WANTED TO KISS HER FOR A WHILE. Her giddiness is contagious!

And FJORD! How LONG have you wanted to kiss her?! For some reason, this isn’t something I’ve considered when trying to figure out the timeline of Fjord’s feelings. When is the first time he wanted to kiss her? I think I need to go watch all their big conversations again to see if I think it’s any of them. For some reason, I feel like it’s going to be in one of those silly little moments they have together and I’m going to miss it. Do I rewatch the entire campaign for a third time???? Is that what I have to do?

I’m kind of a big coward.

No, Fjord, you’re very brave.

I am very brave, aren’t I?

You are.

Jester FULLY believes this. She’s just smiling over at him this whole time. But he looks down. Because he still doesn’t think he’s brave. Or he’s brave enough for most things, but there’s ONE THING he knows he can’t do and that’s let her go and I’M. 

Is this all just speculation and guessing and me making stuff up? Yes. Do I care? No. That’s what his face says to me in that moment.

ALL WHILE JESTER IS JUST SO HAPPY. She DOES think he’s brave and she thinks he’s amazing and he just kissed her and it’s not how she thought it would happen, but IT DID and it was so meaningful.

We could get cats and just flee.

I need to get the whole dialogue for this, but I’m tired tbh and I need to sleep, so I’m gonna focus on this last part. How they’re talking over each other to joke around, but it’s really smooth and flows really well between them. But right before this you can still see how heavily the upcoming trials are weighing on them. They feel a little better about EACH OTHER, but there’s a very real possibility that they’re about to lose each other, but they can take this ONE moment of hope?!

And I just love it when they joke around with each other to try to make each other feel better. They’re so good to each other. 

I’ll see you in the morning.

God, the way his voice is just ROUGH and small and quiet and he DOESN’T WANT TO LEAVE and they just SMILE AT EACH OTHER and they’re scared of what’s coming but THEY KNOW THEY LIKE EACH OTHER and they’re SO HAPPY FOR THIS MOMENT. 

And the soft way they say goodnight to each other!!!

THEY!!!!!!!!! make me want to walk into the ocean. In a good way. I SWEAR I CAN’T WITH THIS.

And then the way Jester sighed and giggled after Fjord left! And I can see her leaning back against her door and sighing and looking up at the ceiling and just..... SO. HAPPY.

She doesn’t even ask for a cat cuddle pile!!!! She just stares at her unicorn until she falls asleep. SHE DOESN’T ASK FOR A CAT CUDDLE PILE! 

And then there’s Fjord! Who doesn’t sleep much!

That part makes me a little more angsty. There’s lots of reasons he might be awake most of the night. There are some really cute ones. Like he’s thinking holy shit I just kissed Jester and she kissed me back and she said it was fun that’s good right? And then there are the angsty ones where he could have been laying there thinking about how he doesn’t have any control over the situation and how scared he is. But he did something and he made her smile and that’s all he ever really wants to do. Is make Jester happy. And maybe he made Jester happy in this moment where she was trying to hide that she’s sad. AND THE THING IS THAT HE DID! 

And I’ll leave you with a very short list of random things I expect them to say to one another at one point with no context:

I can’t stand the thought of losing you.

Are you sure you don’t miss the longer horns?

You don’t always have to be fine.

OH. ALSO. 

Get ready for casual intimacy. I’m ready for hand holding. Shoulder touching. brushing someone’s hair out of their face. GET READY BECAUSE IT’S GONNA HAPPEN.

Starstruck (9)

hello it’s me again. Second to last chapter :( but I’ve got bigger things in the works

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Fandom: Tom Holland

Ship: Tom x reader

Setting: LA, London

Word Count: 2230

Warnings: mild language

Rating: K+

                            __________________________________

Tom dodged cameras and wove through crowds as he made his way through London Heathrow Airport.

He finally was home in London, but only for about a week since he’d be coming back to LA for you.

The news had obviously broken that Tom had left South Korea, so now he was being bombarded with paparazzi who still wanted to know everything about you, especially your speech four days prior.

He continued to ignore them as he got to where Tuwaine was waiting to pick them up.

The car doors slammed shut as all four boys settled themselves in, Harrison up front and the Hollands in the back. Tuwaine locked the doors, then turned around.

“Seems like we’ve got a lot to talk about, boys.”

“You have noooo idea,” Tom muttered as the others nodded eagerly.

The drive back to their south London house was comfortable to Tom after everything that had happened. They mostly strayed from talking about you in the car, instead sharing funny stories from the long-lived press tour. 

Sam decided to head back to his parents’ house after they arrived at the other boys’, ringing up an uber. He just wanted to sleep in his own bed. Their parents and Paddy had come home from the premiere before Tom went to Korea.

Once the boys were showered off and settled in, they told Tuwaine everything from the pre-release press tour before the premiere to meeting you to everything since. 

“That’s mad, Tom. So when are you going back? And how do you plan on going unseen?” Tuwaine asked.

“Well we’re gonna get back to LA on Thursday to have time to adjust again and get everything settled. I’ve paid for a couple private planes to keep things off the radar as best as I can. All of you can come if you want.”

After further discussion, they decided for only Harrison and Harry to join Tom since the others had prior commitments. 

After a couple more hours of catching up and reflecting on the past weeks, everyone finally decided to retire to their beds and hopefully get some rest.

As Tom layed down, he thought about the plan to see you again. He was nervous and excited at the same time, and went to sleep thinking one thing.

I’m coming to get ya, y/n.

                             __________________________________

As always, news of Tom’s travel back home was all over the internet with clips and pictures of him dodging through the airport being shared, you of course being tagged in those pictures by fan accounts wanting attention.

“Ughhhh I’m so tired of people tagging me in this shit like I actually care! I’m not even remotely involved in these pictures!” you exclaimed to b/f/n, who was sprawled on your bean bag chair as you laid on your stomach across a rug. 

You showed her a fan edit of Tom someone tagged you in, which was just a video transitioning between pictures of him from his press tour.

“I know. It’s so dumb like, he’s even likely to see stuff if you just pester his friends, or in your case… whatever you guys are.”

“Give me a break. We’re nothing. We just met and yeah. That’s all there is to it.”

“I don’t buy it, but whatever. I need to use your charger.”

You pointed to the bed.

“It’s over on the other side if you want it.”

B/f/n sighed dramatically, then rolled her way off the bean bag to flop onto your bed, plugging the device in. After a few minutes of silent scrolling on your phones, she piped up.

“Yo. Why does your bed smell so good? New detergent or something?”

You blushed, realizing you never told her about that little detail.

“Uh, well. It’s cologne.”

She turned her head to look directly at you, eyebrows raised cheekily.

“And why do you have cologne on your bedsheets?”

You avoided looking directly at her for a second, cringing a little.

“Well… I may have kind of left out the part of the story where Tom gave me a whole bottle of his cologne and it smelled really good so I sprayed it all over my sheets… but like no biggie right?”

She sat up.

“Yes biggie! You know exactly what Tom Holland smells like and didn’t think to tell me?”

“I forgot about it until the other day when I found the bottle in a bag of my stuff. Didn’t seem important.”

“Okay, if it’s not important, then why did you douse your bed in his scent?”

“I told you, I think it smells good. That’s it.”

“You’re really going to sit there and try to convince me of that? Everyone knows that scent memory is a really big deal, not to mention that he literally gave it to you.”

You stared each other down for almost a minute before you cracked.

“Okay, fine. It helps me sleep, alright? It takes me back to the night he spent here, which honestly was one of the best nights of my life. It just felt so nice talking to him about vulnerable things, you know? At the time I thought I could trust him, and maybe a part of me wants to remember that side of him.”

B/f/n nodded as you finished.

“I get it. What he did sucks, but you can’t let that ruin the good memories you do have. Things will work themselves out. They always do. You just need to remember that you’re a boss bitch and no matter what happens, you’re gonna be alright.”

“Thanks. I really needed to hear that.”

“Anytime. Now let’s forget about him and figure out where we want to get our nails done next week.”

                             __________________________________

It was now Tuesday, and you and b/f/n sat in adjacent pedicure chairs, trying to lean back peacefully as yours vibrated violently in the name of a “massage.”

After you both struggled to not laugh while the nail techs exfoliated your feet, you were now relaxed and still as they began to actually polish your toenails.

You looked over to see b/f/n smiling at her phone.

“Who’s got you acting up?” you asked. She looked up in surprise.

“It’s no one. Catherine just sent me something funny on Instagram.”

“Oh, okay. Send it to me.”

In reality, she had been talking to Harrison and Tom about Friday, sending them pics of you in your dress the prior week and learning of their plans to get to LA on Thursday morning. 

To cover for herself, though, b/f/n scrolled through her dm’s with Catherine, looking for something she’d received but never sent to you.

                             __________________________________

Wednesday in London, Tom, Harrison, and Harry sat around the dining room recapping the plan for the rest of the week.

“Okay, so we’re gonna get there pretty early tomorrow morning and then I arranged for us to stay at an AirBnb under b/f/n’s name but obviously I’m paying for it. Since none of us are 25, I couldn’t get a regular rental car, but I talked to Audi and they said they’d loan me another car as long as we post some pictures with it.”

“Won’t that defeat the purpose of laying low if we’re plastering our faces with the car online? It won't be hard to distinguish London from pretty much anywhere else,” Harry claimed.

“They said as long as we get the pictures up before we leave town, we’re good. We’ll just have to put it in the calendar so I don’t forget.”

Harry took that as his cue to put it in the calendar right then.

“What about the actual event? I know you said you got in touch with them,” Harrison brought up.

“I’m glad you asked, mate. They were down for letting us make our appearance a surprise, so they’ll have staff sneak us in the back and wait until b/f/n gives us the go-ahead. They’re gonna introduce me and I’ll give a quick word and then… hopefully y/n will let me talk to her.”

The group got everything in order and loaded their bags into Tuwaine’s car once again for him to drive them to the private jet hangars.

After saying their goodbyes again and loading up onto the plane, the boys were in the air, headed west. They would be stopping in New York to change planes, and got comfortable for the almost 8 hour flight.

By the time they got to New York, the boys were exhausted going through customs. They were happy to find that so far no one had seemed to leak the fact that they had left London and were now in the states.

They boarded the next plane and prepared for the 6 hour flight, this time planning to get sleep as it was overnight and they’d be arriving in the morning.

The sun was beginning to rise over Los Angeles as the plane touched down.

“Tom, we’re here,” Harry said, shaking his brother awake as the plane taxied. 

Tom blinked his eyes a few times to adjust to the light, looking out the window. 

The boys deplaned on the tarmac and sat tiredly in the small airport’s lobby as they waited for someone to drop off the car. 

Tom noticed one woman at the desk looking over at him frequently. He was afraid she would end up putting him all over the internet, so he got up and came to the desk.

“Hi there.”

She looked at him, startled.

“Um, hello.”

“I couldn’t help but notice you looking over at us. Would you happen to be a fan?” Tom asked politely. She blushed.

“Yes, actually, I am.”

“Would you like a picture?” Tom offered. He knew he looked horrible from his long journey but needed to know she wouldn’t go around telling everyone about meeting him.

“That would be incredible! I was too afraid to ask.”

Tom called Harry over to take the picture on her phone, then took it from the younger brother. Tom noticed Harrison carrying a couple bags out the door to a car.

“That’s a good one! I only ask that you try to keep this to yourself? At least until tomorrow evening? I’m on a bit of a secret mission, and I don’t quite want the public to know I’m here, yet.” 

The girl’s eyes widened.

“Of course! I’d hate to ruin anything for you.”

“Awesome, thank you so much. And it was quite lovely meeting you, I look forward to seeing those pictures again one day.”

With that, Tom was out the door and on his way to the spot they had rented out for the trip.

                             __________________________________

B/f/n woke up Thursday to work out again and saw there was an Instagram notification on her lock screen. It was Harrison (or maybe Tom, who knew who she was actually talking to).

We made it to the AirBnb. Thanks again for putting it under your name.

She saw it had been sent about an hour prior, so she replied.

No worries. I haven’t seen anything online about you being in the US, so it seems like you’re good so far

We’ll try to keep a low profile. We’re mostly trying to adjust to the time again so Tom isn’t falling asleep at the formal tomorrow night

B/f/n snorted. She figured it really was Harrison that she was talking to.

At the boy’s rented house, they were sitting around drinking black coffee to stay awake for the day. Eventually, they ran outside and took pictures with the car, being careful to watch that no one was looking at them.

As the morning went on, they quickly came to an unfortunate realization.

There was no food in the house, and they couldn’t just go out and get it. Delivery wasn’t the best bet either considering someone would have to answer the door.

So with stomachs growling, they messaged b/f/n again, asking her to pick up some groceries to hold them over for the day.

You’re lucky I’m not with y/n right now. Just send me a list and I’ll bring it over asap

It took her over an hour to get to the store, find everything on the list, and take it to the house. Her stomach fluttered when she pulled into the driveway as she was finally meeting her idol for real.

The door swung open before she could knock.

“Oh thank God you’re finally here, I’m starving,” Harrison said , taking the bags from her hands. “Come in, come in. Don’t need anyone seeing us.”

She stepped in the door to find the other two sitting on the couch. They greeted her starstruck self. 

“Oh, wow. Hi. It’s nice to finally meet you in person,” she eventually spit out, looking at them in amazement.

She ended up spending almost an hour conversing with them, Tom paying her back for the groceries and them finalizing the details for the upcoming day.

She stood in the doorway preparing to leave.

“Well, I’ll see you all tomorrow. I don’t know what she’ll do, but good luck either way.”

“Thanks, b/f/n, that means a lot. And thanks for all the help you’ve been. Without you, I don’t know what I would have done.”

                            __________________________________

A/N: honestly I’m kinda sad that this is almost over. I started it over a year ago now and I’ve really enjoyed writing it. Hopefully I’ll put out the last chapter next week and then will begin scheduling “the marriage project.” Love you guys!

TAG LIST: @marvel-lously, @jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @dreamyvans, @lisannehus, @honeymoonpeter, @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven, @chenellearose, @photoshopart15, @parkeret, @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch, @racewife2004, @joyleenl

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Harry Potter Next Generation Headcanons

im bored. im full of emotions, and am rly missing the HP world... i just want to write down my headcannons for the next gen kiddos tbh.

please remember these are just my opinions? its okay if yours are different. im just bored and want to share my thoughts,,

Teddy Lupin

his name is Theodore Remus “Teddy” Lupin. it’s just what it is

I don’t care what JKR says, to me his name will always be Theodore

i can’t do this “Edward” stuff im so sorry,,,

h u f f l e p u f f

proper school uniform? never heard of it

messy hair, messy clothes

punk rock child

we’re talking like,,,at least two (2) lip piercings ok

absolutely terrible in herbology. do not leave this child alone in a greenhouse, bad things happen

fuckin hoards chocolate

its a problem

dating Victorie Weasley

random bursts of dancing

keeps a lock of hair pink for his mother

lives with the Potters, enjoys pretending to be Ginny to ground his siblings

“Lily, why aren’t you coming out of your room? Dinner’s ready?” “You said I’m grounded! You tell me!” “What? Oh, for the- THEODORE REMUS LUPIN-“

s m i r k s

effortlessly cool,,, but so so dorky,,, in a cool way

Victorie Weasley

ravenclaw!

looks a lot like her mother, Fleur, but inherited those Weasley freckles

a little confused a lot of the time

absolute sweet tooth (teddy abuses this fact a lot)

Mom Friend™

will help you with your homework

always got a book on her

super beautiful and like,,,, the absolute nicest person,,, but

cannot dance

like at all

adores Charms class

a softie you don’t want to cross

“I’m the oldest”

Dominique Weasley

inherited the Classic Weasley Red Hair™

idolises her Uncle Charlie

“I wanna save animals and work with cool dragons, just like Uncle Charlie does!”

Bill almost has a heart attack

always bringing stray animals home

(“is that a lizard in your pocket, Dominique?” “Yes! His name is Blob.” “You know how your father’s afraid of reptiles, sweetheart, you can’t bring it inside.”)

Gryffindor child

favourite class is definitely Care of Magical Creatures, she and Hagrid like to talk about proper care methods for rare creatures

perpetual dirt stains

BIG middle child vibes

doesn’t really label her sexuality… just kinda does what she wants rly

all the pets in Hogwarts love her

rumours are she’s got an innate, natural magical ability to make them all love her

(she feeds them under the table)

it’s a mystery

big advocate for animal rights

f e m i n i s t

willing to throw hands at all times

usually all smiles though

one of those people who use their whole bodies to laugh

kind of an accidental heartthrob

romcoms

Louis Weasley

looks the most like his mother

ravenclaw

absolutely filled with curiosity. always reading or talking or learning

random facts

(how do you even find that sort of information?

you don’t want to know)

coffee boy

sort of musically talented?

he and James Sirius preach the importance of skincare to all who will listen

secretly full of sass and dry wit

vry graceful and fluid

e y e r o l l

awkward smiles? can never smile properly in photos

on the ravenclaw quidditch team

Ravenclaw Prefect

(“You might be older, but I’m taller.” “Fuck off!”)

only watches High Quality™ tv shows/media

kind of a disaster, despite the gracefulness

Molly Weasley

Classic red hair

comes across as a bit uptight, like her father

I don’t care what you think. (She really cares what you think.)

E y e b r o w s

death glares

drinks like 5 cups of coffee in the morning

studies,,, like a lot

definitely a Gryffindor though

mom jeans

always ready to debate a topic. will destroy opponents.

has been trying to start a successful Debate Club for like 4 years now

naturally falls into the position of a group leader

would be a teacher’s pet, if she wasn’t ready At All Times™ to debate the relevancy of the course syllabus or outdated teaching methods

got into a fight with Severus Snape’s portrait in Headmistress McGonagall’s office.

(Dumbledore’s portrait was laughing, until she turned and ragged on him for a bit. Minerva thought it was absolutely hilarious, so she just let Molly go at it for a while).

full of rage towards everything, but wears a very careful mask of aloofness

to calm down, she likes painting her nails

she’s very good at it

she’s also very good at painting and art in general, weirdly enough

Lucy Weasley

G R Y F F I N D O R

adores shitty puns and has a terrible sense of humour

brown hair, not red

loves to prank people, which makes her Uncle George very proud

Percy complains about her behaviour, but makes sure he knows he’s proud too

(charming all the cauldrons in the potions classroom to scream whenever they’re stirred takes a more complex understanding of spell work than one would expect).

a pit of a punk streak

rly loves hip hop

high key drama queen

does she ever stop yelling? we’re yet to find out

average grades in terms of theory, but she’s the best in terms of applying information

especially for her pranks

has allies throughout the castle, from the portraits to the students

the bigger the prank, the better

but is a firm believer in “confuse, don’t abuse”

all her pranks are mostly harmless

is a surprising lover of older literature, like Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, an influence of her sister

a bit rebellious

Fred Weasley II

name isn’t officially “the second”, but it sounds cooler

James Potter, Lucy Weasley, Molly Weasley and Fred Weasley are like the Marauders 2.0

says “squad” and “lit” unironically

niche humour

hipster vibes

avid music lover

smiley sunshine child

takes after his mother the most in looks, just like his sister

a chill type of gryffindor

plays quidditch, and is an excellent chaser, just like his mother

the absolute undisputed King™ of puppy-dog eyes

just,,,, beautiful

the True teacher’s pet

hands in his work on time,, asks lots of questions,,, likes helping students understand their work,, what a boy

can hella nyoom

runs so fast

look at him go

as you might expect, loves a good prank. always down for a laugh

Roxanne Weasley

Gryffindor and pROUD

absolute Queen tbh

was definitely Head Prefect or Gryffindor Prefect at some point

loved by the school

absolute legend

G I R L   P O W E R

infectious laughter

has a soft spot for Louis Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy

these poor disaster children,,,, they need a Mother

M O M

big mom vibes

mothers the hell out of all the first years

a feminist through and through

can be found nodding aggressively to Molly Weasley’s semi-deranged, furious ranting

YAAAASS

loves slang. uses so much slang. always up to date with trends and memes

has all the gossip

becomes a mess around pretty girls

absolute blushing, stuttering disaster around cute girls oh my god

her eye make-up game is killer

sparkly

Distinguished Lesbian

Rosie Weasley

did someone say Weasley™?

red hair and freckles and curls oh my

on the autism spectrum, has trouble socialising sometimes

hella passionate about stuff

hangs out with Scorpius and Albus, the Golden Trio 2.0

f em ini st

her jokes are the best. high quality sense of humour.

Ravenclaw

likes to read. it’s quiet in the school library, which is nice.

abysmal at herbology

surprisingly good at Care of Magical Creatures though? Animals are just,,, so much easier to deal with

overall, really good grades though

bit of a silent type, but she’s actually a riot to hang out with

actually pretty good at quidditch? She’s not on the team, and she’s not super interested in playing, but?? She’s not bad??

She can land a solid hit with a beater’s bat

(eyes you judgementally over the top of a book)

dry wit humour

will throw hands over chess

Hugo Weasley

hufflepuff

unbeatable at chess, like his dad

a lost puppy

someone please help this child

softie

kind of low-key emotional

so supportive!! and loyal!! high-key best friend material

foodie. loves food. please feed him.

takes a bit more after his dad appearance wise

loves to cook. spends lots of time with grandma Molly and his dad in the kitchen

Professor Longbottom is his favourite professor, because he’s more chilled and laidback.

other professors and classes fill him with Distress™

loves astronomy too

maths whizz, so good at arithmancy

(“uh, actually-“)

a little bossy, like his mother

is trying so hard

maybe a little too hard

a bit insecure and nervous, but so soft

please treat this child carefully and with love

James Sirius Potter

Gryffindor

L O U D

a fucking disaster child

what’d you expect, putting “James” and “Sirius” together?

DRAMATIC GASPING

flails his hands around when he talks

s t r u t s

bisexual mess, had a crush on both the Longbottom children at some point

is better than you at everything

including being a different gender

fuck you that’s why

so pretty

he’s so pretty

is thIS CHILD EVER NOT LAUGHING AT SOMETHING OH My god

laughs at everything

all the time

always

high-key emotional

badly timed finger guns

looks like a model in photos? wtf?

gets invited to Girls Nights™

wears nail polish and makeup

loves to yell at people about gender roles and defying stereotypes

TEA SIS

not on the quidditch team surprisingly enough, even though he’s pretty good

prefers to be in the stands, doing A+ commentary on the games

if he can get Fred to stop mid-air due to unbearable, suffocating laughter at least once a game it’s a win in his books

has it OUT for the hufflepuff quidditch team and no one knows why??

definitely makes puns on his name

it drives everyone insane

harry always replies he’s just making his namesake proud

that also drives everyone insane

smug lil shit

Albus Severus Potter

“It’s just Al.”

S L Y T H E R I N

will always find a way to get what he wants, eventually

“dad, why did you name me this way?”

unimpressed

sigh

hella smart. is topping at least five classes

Aunt Hermione is his favourite. She’s the fucking Mistress of Magic! All that power, the ability to make change and improve the Magical World as a whole-

sass master

the reason headmistress mcgonagall keeps a bottle of scotch under her desk at all times

the only potter child to inherit The Eyes™

absolute insomniac

kind of emo, but turns into a fucking softie around Scorpius Malfoy it’s hilarious

adverse to violence. prefers a verbal beatdown method

really tall? despite having shorties for parents??? no one saw it coming

(especially not Teddy. He’s always scared of losing his last few inches of height)

Functional Gay

he’s on the slytherin quidditch team, as a seeker

Lily Luna Potter

Gryffindor

FEMINIST

do not mess with lily luna potter

she may seem cute and sweet, but she will destroy you

inherited her father’s black hair

disaster lesbian

transfiguration is her favourite subject, by far

has no idea what she wants to do with the rest of her life.

Existential Crisis Father-Daughter Bonding Time™

do you ever sleep?

takes after Ginny the most in personality

also, kind of the most like James Fleamont Potter in personality, too?

Loves to help her brother out with pranks, laughs at him when he gets caught and she gets away with it

The only one of the Potter Children who hasn’t got into a fight with Severus Snape’s portrait

because she just ignores him instead

loves talking to the portraits around the castle

Super good at Quidditch, is on the team as a Chaser

Quidditch Captain at some point

adores Hagrid, but who out of the Potter children doesn’t?

Idolises Minerva McGonagall

just as oblivious as her father

Scorpius Malfoy

Actually in Ravenclaw, not Slytherin, much to many people’s surprise

abSOLUTE DADDY’S BOY

super close with his dad

Draco is just so supportive of like everything he does (unlike his father)

classic blonde malfoy looks

actually really funny?

a cuddler. loves hugs. always leeching warmth off of someone

he and Rosie sometimes finger-tip-touch which is their version of a hug, because he know’s she’s not super comfortable with touch

was basically adopted by the Weasley’s and Potter’s

James Sirius will murder for this child

booknerd, always rambling to Al and Rosie about new books coming out he’s interested in reading.

has had a crush on Albus Potter since like 1st year

always worried about making his dad proud, and keeping up the Malfoy name

sweet tooth

he’s just,, soft. just a warm, happy child. he wants love, and affection. someone tell him he’s doing okay, please.

needs,,, validation,,,

he’ll tell you out loud that he has no favourite aunts or uncles, but he secretly really likes spending time with his Uncle Ron

they had a talk, once, in like the middle of the night at a sleepover with Rosie and Al, about feeling insecure in comparison to others, and learning to be proud of yourself for your achievements

there were a few tears, but it was nice

Ron was actually the third person he told, besides his dad and Rosie, about having a crush on Al

openly a disaster romantic. trash taste in romance novels.

always welcome in the Potter-Weasley households

“There were times I struggled to find my place in the band,” Louis admits today.

But it’s often the quiet ones you’ve got to look out for.

Behind the scenes he was very much centre stage: Louis was the mouthpiece, constantly fighting the boys’ corner and acting as chief negotiator between band and management.

“Being from Doncaster,” he says, “I’ve never had a problem with telling anyone ‘no’.”

“There was a while when I was worried I was getting left behind – some of the boys are on to their second album now,” he says, taking a draw onthe first of several cigarettes. “At times, I’ve been swimming against the tide, working out who I am. I was trying to find a way back into the industry, thinking of it mathematically rather than going off feeling and emotion.” 

He’s referring to collaborations with Bebe Rexha and Steve Aoki in 2016 and 2017 respectively, which, although successful, weren’t where his heart lay. With Kill My Mind – the exhilarating ’90s-inspired opening track of the album Walls – he sets his stall out with a clear departure from anything he’s done before.

Walls is about regret, reflection and ultimately, hope, and feels like Louis, who sings in his still-broad Doncaster accent, has finally found his voice.

“I’ve always wanted to be autobiographical and honest. And in the last six months the songs I’ve written and recorded are of a better standard because there’s an honesty there,” he says.

Honesty certainly characterises the album, sometimes devastatingly so. There’s no escaping the fact that Louis, 28, has faced unimaginable pain over the last few years.

“It wasn’t until after I’d written it that I realised how much vulnerability I’d put in there,” he says. “When I first performed it… I had fans coming up to me in tears telling me their stories, and that’s not something I’ve ever had before. And to do it on that level about something so delicate… It was really cool to take something so dark and make people feel like that.

“I had to get a song like that off my chest. It was difficult writing about things that felt trivial compared to what was going on in my life. There was, I think, a necessity to write that song before I could move on creatively.”

Understandably, Louis won’t talk specifically about Félicité. But when asked about how grief has shaped him both as a man and an artist, he pays tribute to Jay.

“I think it’s a credit to how my mum brought me up that I have a resilience,” he says. “There’s nothing I want less than to have people feel sorry for me, so having that mentality has helped me through the hardest of times.

"I’ve also felt a real support system through my fans. I’d always felt it on a lower level, but when it’s something so impactful and life-defining, I really did feel it from them.”

Days after Jay’s death, Louis appeared live on The X Factor to perform Just Hold On with Aoki.

He was clearly in pieces and it was hard enough just watching, but somehow he held it together, presumably thanks again to that resilience.

“Sometimes it’s fight or flight,” Louis explains. “And the way I was brought up and because of where I’m from, I only see one option in that situation. I also wanted to put myself second and do it for my mum.

"That moment was bigger than me and it was actually incredibly liberating. It used every bit of strength and power and I look back on that performance as one of the proudest moments of my career.”

He says he tends not to suppress emotion and is able to share his darkest points with those he’s closest to.

But as the eldest of Jay’s seven children (five girls and two boys), he also feels a huge weight of responsibility towards his younger siblings and hasn’t had any professional therapy himself.

“No, no, nothing like that. That might be down to a bit of Northern pride, but I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders and that drives me. I’ve got siblings who look up to me and I’ve got my grandparents as well. So all those things keep my head screwed on.

“My mum had a massive influence on me and I lived with a lot of sisters in the house, so I do find it easier to speak about my emotions. But I’m also from Doncaster, where to be a guy is to be tough and traditional and I feel like [there are] times where pride kicks in and I just say I’m all right.

"I’m lucky that I’ve got good people around me who I can trust and who I can be completely vulnerable with and say how I feel. Nine times out of 10, I don’t bottle things up. I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

They sold 20 million albums worldwide, earning over £40million each, but the pressures of fame were, at times, intolerable. Louis says they were only able to keep their heads screwed on because they had each other.

“You can never be prepared for that. It was such a head f**k. But we grounded each other so the minute one of us acted like a d**khead one of the others would say: ‘Stop being a d**khead’. I see people in this job surrounding themselves with superiority and they lose the concept of the real world.”

He remembers doing a shoot with the band for Pepsi over in the States with American footballer Drew Brees.

“This guy was like a god and we were insignificant when he was around, which we understood. But I’ve never seen anything like it. Every sentence that came out of his mouth he’d have an audience of hangers-on in hysterics.

"These people were so far up his arse and he didn’t have one good joke. He had no banter! I still hang around with my boys from Doncaster and I hear real stories all the time, which helps me understand the world that unfortunately I don’t get to see. Having empathy with people and a connection with the world is imperative for any songwriter.”

Harry Styles recently said that he never touched drugs during his time in the band (although he’s made up for that since), because he didn’t want to “mess it up”. Louis smiles as he confides that he can’t say the same.

“All I’ll say is that I did my fair share and enjoyed my time in the band. It’s right what Harry said and it was smart of him, but I definitely had a lot of fun in the band. I was always aware of how amazing the opportunity was, but also enjoying the moment for what it was. I lived like anyone else my age – the difference was that I was in One Direction.”

He’s in touch with Harry, Niall and Liam “sporadically” (we’ll come to Zayn shortly), but they’re all on very different paths for now.

“If we all went to a pub tomorrow it’d be like we’d never left. The enormity of what happened in One Direction creates a massive bond and we’ll always have that.

"There have been times when we’ve done each other’s heads in. There might be something I say in an interview that bugs Liam or vice versa, but we all know what each other is like and we can call each other up and say sorry for being a d**k. We’re like brothers.”

But that’s not necessarily the case with Zayn, who quit in 2015 and with whom Louis has had a turbulent relationship since. He was hurt when Zayn was the only one not to turn up at the X Factor studio to support him through his performance after Jay’s death, despite promising to be there.

Then there’s Zayn’s apparent repeated digs. In one interview he branded 1D’s music “generic as f**k”. There’s a difference between making a break from the past and dismissing it completely, and it’s a line Zayn perhaps hasn’t always managed to walk.

“Hmm,” agrees Louis, cautiously. “Other than maybe Niall, there is no one who is prouder of the band and the songs we created than me. But while what I did with One Direction is relevant, it doesn’t define who I am and I don’t struggle to make that dissociation.”

Does he think some of what Zayn has said has been disrespectful?

“Yeah, I do. But I can understand it. We have a lot of situations where we’re sat in interviews and if you’re in a certain mood you might run your mouth. The older you get the more you can tell if these things actually carry any malice or if they’re just a prod in the back. That’s life, innit? Sometimes people chat s**t and that’s the reality.”

He’s not ruling out resolving their differences in the future, but there’s no olive branch on the horizon.

“No, but I’ve not actively tried. We’ve all got a lot on our plates and there might be a day where I wake up and think: ‘OK, I want to right that wrong’, but not yet.”

After being in his company for a while, it’s not hard to see why Louis was 1D’s driving force backstage. He’s thoughtful, articulate, open and self-aware, but there’s a steeliness to him and the requisite pop-star swagger, which doesn’t seem to spill over into arrogance.

And that is reflected in his music, which is heavily influenced by the Arctic Monkeys, The Smiths and Oasis. In fact, the title track and latest single Walls sounds so similar to Oasis B-side and fans’ favourite Acquiesce that Louis’ manager flagged it as a potential issue.

“These kinds of things happen. There are only so many melodies you can write and if you listen to a band all the time like I do with Oasis…”

Anyway, says Louis. He had to make a choice.

“I was ready to risk it, but everyone said we should get in touch with Noel [Gallagher] so we did. Often the industry, and especially Noel’s world, can be a bit snobby and say: ‘F**k you you’re not using this song’. But he was really cool about it, signed it off no problem and although I’m sure he’s not happy about this, I f**king am, I’ve got a writing credit from Noel Gallagher on my album. That is some sick s**t so I’m buzzing.”

Is he nervous about going it alone? “I think I’ve got a good record so I’m confident. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t little bit nervous – there’s three and half years work gone into it so there’s a level of anticipation.”

The most overwhelming emotion though, is relief.

“Because it’s taken such a long time. I’m excited to go on to the next phase of my career.”

Peachtober | Day 23: Crinkle

Reader x Werewolf!Jimin

Genre: Fluff

A/N: I did my best not to use he/him or she/her when refering to the reader, so please let me know if I did so that I can fix it.

The day starts as usual, with a pair of black pants being slipped on and the routine of teeth brushing. Laptop is dead, so you decided to leave it home as you begin making a quick microwavable breakfast of Hot Pockets. Two and a cup of whatever drink you have left in the fridge. You do the daily makeup look you’ve gotten used to doing since moving to Seoul due to a teaching job you found no joy with.

Still, the Korean city had claimed your heart and so you were lucky enough to get a job at one of the many coffee shops around town. It had been open for hours already as you were part of the afternoon/late shift. After the meal is thrown down your throat, you quickly tie up your work shoes and catch the bus with all of the other college students who are continuously cramming for the next test.

A little hop to the pavement, a turn to the left, pass the nail salon and vintage clothing store lies a tiny store where you were currently making a living.

Casual greetings all around as the manager tosses you an apron, “With Y/N here, I’m gone for the evening. Goodbye, everyone!”

Her and her husband must’ve gotten in a argument and not speaking because those were the only times she left when you showed up.

“What is it this time?” You asked the only other part timer there.

Big brown eyes and shaggy blonde hair was making yet another Brown Sugar Expresso, “Oh, um. Not sure. They’ve been fighting all day.”

“Ahem,” The manager said.

Jimin looked at him innocently, “I said nothing.”

Both waited for their boss to pass by before asking.

“You think this might be the breaking point?”

He laughed, “They’ve reached this point several times before, so I doubt it.” and then he smiled at the young man waiting for his coffee. “Enjoy your drink.”

“Thank you!” He replied in hesitant Korean.

The blonde boy began to set up the fresh batch orange crinkle cookies and then began to sniff, ending up near your cheek. You asked what he was doing, making him jolt backwards.

He looked at the floor and then back at you, “Sorry. You just. You don’t smell like honey today.” and quickly, he busied himself with eating one of those cookies for himself.

“I decided to actually have a real lunch instead of bread and honey today.” You said, blushing. “I didn’t know you noticed.”

The dark skinned man approached the counter again, “Can I have some napkins, please?”

“Here you go.” The blonde said, giving him several.

“Thank you!” he said with a smile and went back to his laptop.

“Jimin-ssi, you should get his number.” You said, nudging him and boxing up a dozen donuts since a regular would be here rather soon on the way to an office meeting.

Jimin shook his head, “What? No. I couldn’t.”

“But he’s totally your type.” You glanced at the man with coffee bean skin.

“I mean, you aren’t wrong, but I have someone I already like.” He said as you rung up the young woman with short brown hair and glasses.

You looked at him, “Oh, really? They must be the luckiest person in the world to have your affection.”

“Well, I don’t think they know. I have secrets that I don’t want them to be a part of. Secrets like how your crinkle cookie recipe is the best thing I’ve ever had.”

You smiled. Then the bell on the door rang as another regular came in which made your heart jump. They were so cute and suave, but not your type. Still, he was very handsome and always showed up in a crisp suit usually with some sort of unique pattern on it.

“I’ll have a--”

“Pumpkin Spice Caramel Latte with extra foam?” You replied. “It’s easier to remember because you always put your own spin on the seasonal specials.”

He smiled, “Yes, and with a--”

“Chocolate cinnamon bun? Coming right up.”

The Korean blonde man snuck another cookie as Y/N served their obvious crush. Their customer had to know that they were into him. It was clear to Jimin as he worked on cleaning a now empty table with a pencil left on the floor that he’d just put in the lost and found for whenever the woman came back. However, the pencil smelled strange. It was moist smelling...ah, it seemed that she liked to bite on her writing utensils.

“Jimin-ah, can you make some more muffins, please? We’re running out.” Y/N called as they approached the table of an elderly woman who came here ever since her daughter was in middle school.

The daughter rarely came here anymore, busy travelling according to the mom.

As the day went on, the two worked well. The other owner left to go buy flowers for his wife since he felt bad. He told Y/N to lock up since Jimin had to leave earlier. The young blonde had been nervous all day, knowing he would have much time after work to go to the store and then get home before he--a gentle hand scratched the back of his head, calming him down.

“Are you ok, Jimin-ie?” Kind eyes asked the now smiling face.

“Y-yeah. I’m just behind on groceries.” He replied. “I have a big meal to make.”

Y/N nodded, “You really like meat, don’t you? I remember your friend Taehyung visiting and handing you a lot of meat last month. A cooler of it or something. Is it already gone?”

Brown eyes glittered as he nodded at you, “Y-yeah. I do like meat a lot.”

The last customer left, and it was an hour until closing. Jimin could tell Y/N was looking for something inside of her mind. Thinking deeply.

“I’ve got this. You go do your shopping..”

Jimin asked, “Really? It’s not safe for you to be by yourself for so long, and I am supposed to walk you to--”

“I’ll be fine, Jimin. I’ve got my phone on me, and we’ve got tons of knives.” Then Y/N motioned into the corners. “Also, cameras.”

Quickly the man left and then felt his torso for something. He circled around the lockers in the back, like a dog chasing his tail. Then the sparkling trinket of a wolf necklace was dangled in front of him.

“The chain broke and it landed in a drink during our daily rush. I’ve been keeping it in my pocket. Almost forgot about it.” the beautiful coworker said, placing it in Jimin’s small hand.

“Th-thank you, Y/N.”

Then soft hand felt his head, “You’re not getting sick, are you? Your voice is deeper than usual.”

The young man covered his mouth and quickly gathered his stuff as he talked rapidly, “It’s nothing. I promise. Even so, I should go to the doctor’s and get it checked out, but only if it gets worse. I’m sure I’ll be better by tomorrow. Just tired. Sometimes voices get deeper when the person is tired, don’t you know. Um, anyways, I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N. If you need me, don’t hesitate to call me. Be safe. Ok bye.”

And out the door he went.

You blinked and smiled. Jimin was an adorable coworker, always so excited to see you and very good at following orders. Almost like a puppy, especially when his hair got shaggy. Even the way he often pushed back his hair was like a dog scratching at his ear. Since things were slowing down, you decided to begin the nightly shut down of all the machines since you wouldn’t be cooking or baking anything else for the night.

The time ticked by, and then it was time to lock up. You jumped over the counter and turned the sign. The only things left on were the lights and the speakers as you blasted your favorite K-rock songs as you swept and mopped. You were thinking about your Halloween costume since your friend was holding a party at her place on the spooky holiday.

Maybe you’d see if you could fit your old maid costume or see what outfits went well with a pair of leggings. Nothing too important or special. Just a chance to get drunk with candy corn flavored vodka and cinnamon soju made just for the fall season.

Last thing you had to do was throw out the trash, so you turned off the lights and the speakers and threw your messenger bag on before heading out, making sure to keep the left over blood orange crinkle cookies. You had given the café the recipe, yes, but you yourself hadn’t had the treats in a while.

However, you heard the clanking of trash cans. Was it another cat or a stray dog? Two eyes glowed back at you once it noticed another being near it.

“Ya! Get away from there!” You called, too tired to think about the danger of approaching a potentially rabid animal.

It seemed to back up, though. Then you turned on your phone flashlight, allowing you to confirm the animal was not a cat. It was bigger. It was much bigger than you had seen any dog. Not just any dog. Wolf. It was a full grown wolf that seemed to be not just beast, but had human like legs covered in tan fur. It got on all fours as if faced you. It fan towards you, and you thought you were a goner. Instead, the creature dashed away, but not before you caught the glimmer of silver with green emerald eyes.

That was Jimin’s necklace around that thing’s neck. You ran after it without any hesitation, forgetting about the trash and not realizing that somehow you’d have to fight a wolf to get back your co-worker’s iconic necklace. It wasn’t running as fast as you thought a beast like that could go, so he was easy to catch up with.

The wolf was hiding behind a tree whining.

You held up your hands, “Hey, you have something that belongs to my friend. I just want it back and then I’ll leave you alone.”

“I’m...so...hungry. Stay. Stay back!” It growled.

“So you can talk…” You looked around and saw a nearby convenience store that was still open, such as most things were. “Stay here.”

You quickly went to the store and bought all the stale and warm fried chicken you could afford. Then you dashed back and placed the buckets near the tree and said that you were going to back up. However, you were not given the chance as the form lunged at the poultry. It was no mistaking it now in the moonlight and the street lights. This was a werewolf, something you believed to only reside in fairy tales and fiction of tradition.

There was nothing you could do except watch as it swallowed most of the food whole and spit the bones to the side. Once it seemed to calm down a bit, it waved its tail as it sniffed around your bag. You gave the creature the box of orange cookies that resided inside, the only thing it could be smelling.

“Thank you.” The werewolf said. “I forgot to stock up food and began to wander.”

“You’re welcome.” You replied with a smile. “I should get home, but I need that necklace around your throat. It belongs to a guy I work with.”

It retreated when you said that, starting to stand and walk away.

“Oh, come on. He might like me back if I return it to him.”

The creature stopped in his tracks and asked, “You like him?”

Your cheeks became heated. Did you really just tell something like that to a stranger? A werewolf too?

“Y-yeah. He’s a dumb guy I work with, really sweet. I’m not his type. He’s out of my league, but I would be happy enough if he were grateful to me. He wears that every day. The chain snapped earlier, and I’m sure you just found it near the building, so please.” You stuck your hand out.

“You’re not out of his league. He’d be lucky to go out with a person like you.” His body language was almost...shy?

You laughed, “How could you know?”

“Because I’m him.” He turned around and you saw the unmistakable brown eyes of your coworker. “Y/N, it’s me. It’s Jimin.”

“...what?” You blinked. “You’re joking. Just give me the necklace, and I--”

“You come in everyday smelling like honey because you put it on your toast. You memorized the order of that cute business man because you think he’s cute, totally your type. You always make sure that secretary's order of donuts are ready for her ahead of time. Y/N, please believe me.”

By instinct, you stepped back when he stepped forward.

He sat down, “When you scratch the back of my head, I love it the most.” and he got into a non-threatening position.

You approached cautiously and scratched the back of his head. Just like Jimin, he closed his eyes and smiled, putting his head back as to get more of your touch. It was him.

“So, I’ve got a crush on a werewolf.” You laughed at yourself. “Seems just about right.”

“Would you like to have a werewolf boyfriend?” He asked.

You shrugged, “Sure. Why not?”

“life story” 1

i’m not going to edit this at all going along. typos, bad grammar, mistakes. doesn’t matter. this is spontaneous thought.

disclaimer: i changed the word to “spontaneous” from “spurious” which means something completely different, so the first paragraph is already a lie.

anyway, it’s been a really weird and sort of bad couple months for me. mostly in my state of mind. i feel very stuck and very immobile when it comes to my art and career. and that is having a very negative effect on my brain. even though i’m putting out my favorite songs i’ve ever written. i’ve been meaning to write for awhile. i used to post when i lived in los angeles several years ago, just journaling my day to day life. but i haven’t for awhile. i guess i also used to write in a notebook while on different tours. but i think i’ve since thrown that away or hidden it somewhere.

point is: i just want to write to get things off my mind. and hopefully, maybe, it’ll help you (if you care to) get to know me a little more and on a more personal level. even if we haven’t met. and maybe it’ll make what i make (if you care about it) mean more to you. either way, mostly, i just want to rant a bit. so, this is my life’s story. i guess.

chapter 1: kid

i was born in a suburb of the twin cities in minnesota. my parents both grew up in minnesota and lived there their whole lives (until my mom recently moved to tennessee). my mom was a mortician, and my dad was an accountant. also an alcoholic. he cheated on her and left her and i when i was one year old. i remember growing up going to stay with him on weekends, except it was with him and his girlfriend at the time. except he was drunk a lot. and would drive drunk with me (a baby) in the car. so, that’s cool. anyway, my mom was really depressed, and that was not a good time (or so i’ve heard, because i was a baby, so idk).

i stayed with my grandparents a lot, because my mom worked full time. my maternal grandparents lived on a ton of land. my grandpa and i would ride motorcycles and four wheelers and sleep in a treehouse and all that. my other grandparents lived in the same town but in a small house. i used to go up to their cabin during the summer and go fishing and swimming and boating and all that. different g-parent vibes, but loved both a lot.

anyway, when i was three, my mom married my step-dad. he is from india and has had a lot of unique and challenging experiences, so that certainly brought a lot of particular lessons and outlooks into my life. i went there once when i was about 14. it was wild. but so, yeah. that kinda solidified my family unit. my dad got remarried later on as well. but the older i got, i saw him less and less.

so ... i loved video games. i played them all the time. a big part of my childhood. mostly nintendo. explains a lot. as a kid in school (4 years public, 3 years private, 1 year home, 3 years private, 1 year PSEO [look it up]), i was never popular whatsoever. i always wanted to gain some sort of acclaim or attention from my classmates, but was pretty much always looked down on for one reason or another. i remember in elementary school, i was the kid who was literally terrified of storms. probably because i had been in a tornado when i was six. but the moment it would thunder, all the kids would look at me to see if i was gonna cry. usually, i did. and the school nurse would take me outside and we’d walk around as a sort of therapy. i guess it helped sorta. i still get nervous in storms. but i don’t cry.

i also remember a time specifically that i got made fun of for wearing a denver broncos t-shirt. this kid just railed on me because it wasn’t a minnesota vikings shirt. so, one: i don’t even give a fuck about sports. but two: it stuck with me for some reason that someone would be a massive jerk over a t-shirt of a sports team. i guess that’s just because we as humans are messed up things.

anyway, in middle school, i started becoming semi-interested in music. i listened to the radio every night, listening to the top 10 countdown of big songs from that week. kanye, weezer, the click five, black eyes peas, green day. those were some anyway. besides that, i was just listening to like kelly clarkson and relient k or something. my mom had a steven curtis chapman cd in her van i thought went hard. but i started getting into popular music around then. i also started to write my own music. i used to take piano lessons from when i was like six or seven until i was 14 or so. but after i started writing my own songs, i hated practicing assigned pieces. i didn’t care. i wanted to play my own. so, the teacher said if i quit, i couldn’t be her student again. so i did. that’s fine. she said i was her most talented student. but i didn’t work that hard. so, that goes to show that natural talent and hard work have different roles, i suppose. 

chapter 2: girls and high school and such

in high school, i started LiKiNg gIrLs and stuff. i also was still not very popular. i also had started a band (with jack). i wasn’t very good, but i was just as obsessed with it as i am now. anyway, i liked this one girl from my church, and we talked all the time. but because we grew up in a pretty fundamental church culture, we weren’t allowed to date. which honestly, i fine, because looking back, no one knows what they are doing at 16 really. i definitely didn’t. i still don’t know what i’m doing. anyway ...

so, this girl and i half-dated for a couple years, and i was really clingy and annoying. but that’s just how i be. and i thought i was gonna marry her and stuff, because in a fundamental church context, you over spiritualize everything.

[[disclaimer: i am a christian, and i still go to church, but my theology and ideology on a lot of things has just evolved and changed a lot since i was young and since leaving the ultra-americanized/ultra-fundamental “christian” realm. main point being: we all are effed up bro and need saving. i’m an idiot always!]]

but now we’re back. girl “dumped” me and started dating another guy named “patrick” right after, even though she technically wasn’t allowed to date until she was 18. but apparently, she just wasn’t allowed to date me. so, that was cool. anyway, i was angsty, but then i got over it. because i was 17, so life big time goes on.

then i met another girl from canada while i was finishing school and going hard at my band stuff. we hit it off, and i started visiting her up there. and she visited me and all that. it was cool. and then all of a sudden, she really started hating me. and to be fair, i was weird and clingy and sort of a lot to deal with. but we kept dating. all the while, i was sort of leaving behind music to try to get into nursing school. yep, nursing school. but i got rejected, which is great. and so, i decided to go to audio engineering school in canada. and she was gonna go to college in the same city. this is great! so i thought. she dumped me (well, i sort of broke up with myself for her) about a month after we were living in the same city. wack. but it made me buckle down and work my ass off in school. i was top of my class one semester. yeah, i’m not that dumb. sometimes.

towards the spring of the next year, i happened to meet a girl who was at my church with one of my friends. she seemed chill. just talked a little. nothing crazy. happened to hit her up on twitter just to say hi. no intention. we talked a bit. nothing after that. then all of a sudden, a couple months later, i was tweeting about reading harry potter for the first time (note: fundamental upbringing). she happened to tweet me back about it. and long story short, we went out on a date. a sort-of-date. and what was supposed to be a lunch turned into an all day and half the night date. anyway, we got married a year later. after a lot of immigration paperwork and expenses. that’s a whole other post. that sucked. it’s a lot. and it’s why i feel bad for people who have nothing who are trying to come here to flee danger in their own countries. again, another post.

chapter 3: married, and other hard things

so, i forgot to say that before we got married, i lived in los angeles for a year after school. i was doing more sound for film work. on set stuff, post-production. got to do work with like ... james franco, matt damon, emma roberts, william shatner. some cool stuff. but jack’s old band came through on tour, and i saw two shows. and i was like ... bruh. i gotta do music, what am i doing? so, i literally moved back to minnesota within like two weeks, worked as a nursing assistant for a little bit and got married. then moved to nashville like two weeks later. i guess i could’ve stayed in los angeles. but nashville felt like the move at the time. everything happens with a purpose.

so, we moved here, and she couldn’t work for three months because of immigration stuff. so, i was like, well, guess i need a job. so, i got a job managing a home for a couple people with intellectual disabilities. it was super hard. mostly because the company was really, really bad. so, i got another job working as a staffing coordinator in an office for a home health care agency. that was a little better. still tough. but less overwhelming. a couple months after i got that job, i got an offer to go on a country tour playing bass for someone. and i was like ... well, this is why i moved here. so, i quit and went on tour. and shawna actually took my old job. interesting.

i was gone for three weeks, and it sucked and the pay was bad, but at least i was doing what i wanted. but then i got an offer from my friend to do some tech work on a much bigger country gig. i hadn’t done it before, but it was better pay and a better position. and on a bus and nice things and all that. so, i went for it. i pissed the other girl i was playing for off. but that’s show biz, baby. but like, i found a replacement for myself and paid to fly him out to her shows and stuff. so, really she won.

anyway, i toured with this other artist for four years. and i learned a lot. it was very, very challenging, both mentally and physically. and some people are just hard to work with. but i still gained so much valuable experience and insight into touring from that. i also started playing guitar for another artist who was small at the time, but has now had a couple number one hits. but his label fired me because i didn’t look country enough. we’re still homies though, so it’s literally fine. because i do indeed not look country enough.

at the same time, i was doing my own solo music and also producing and writing with and for other people. i’ve had the opportunity to write and produce for everything from independent artists to major label to billboard charting albums to whatever. songs on major television networks. i’m still very un-rich though, if that tells you anything. 

but really, i just wanted to do my own music. and i literally couldn’t get it to go anywhere. i had no idea what the “secret” was. what was i missing? money? connection? power? actually probably all of that, to be honest. this industry is wacko. i was pretty close to giving up.

chapter 4: milkk

i read a satirical article on vice.com about “how to start a trendy band” or something. i thought it was funny. so, i called jack. he had just been kicked out of his old band for no reason. i was like, “bruh, let’s do this article.” and he was like, ok. so, we sort of did. and i’m not gonna go into all the early details, because i’ve done a million press interviews about how our band started. and i don’t wanna say it again. google it.

this was the first time that i actually saw people care about my music. it was a high. it was like a dream. and we hadn’t even had any big song or anything. just the fact that people were listening and engaging was mind blowing to me. but just like with anything, the more things went, the less i found satisfying. the more “likes” or “follows” on socials didn’t feel like enough anymore. the streams didn’t seem good enough. the chart positions on the debut album didn’t seem that great. the hype wore off a little after the debut album hype. and that made me insane. probably because we as humans are not built to be satisfied by the things in our life. “Vanity of vanities!” it’s in ecclesiastes. like the bible one.

chapter 5: now

anyway, that’s bad. i had (and have) let my mind convince me that i have to achieve something in order to be happy or fulfilled, when i know that that stuff will never fulfill me. i could play the biggest stadium and have the biggest song in history, but after a burst of dopamine and excitement, it would be empty. and i know that nothing here will do that. at least, that’s what i believe. my hope is outside of myself.

but that’s hard to internalize when you are so passionate about something, and have been for so long, and all you want to do is create things for other people that they can appreciate and be influenced by. but it’s probably also selfish. like i openly admit i like the idea of fame and presence. and it probably ties all the way back to wanting acknowledgement and attention as a kid, from being unpopular and ridiculed and, honestly, left by my dad. maybe i just therapied myself.

but regardless, i know i can’t put my identity in all this stuff. it’s hard, and it’s harder when you create stuff. because it’s so deeply tied to you. but it’s still not “who i am.” i know who i am and what i believe, but i’m still a mess, so i can’t enact that in my brain perfectly. in fact, far from it.

anyway. it’s late, and i’m going to post this and attempt to not worry about how it does on social media. stupid!!! i just want this out in the world for you to read. hopefully it’s helpful for you in some way. but mostly, it was just cool to write this out, for my own sake.

i’ve been blessed in some amazing ways. my family. oh, yeah i forgot that i have two kids. i love them a lot. i don’t talk about them on social media much. but they are very special to me. and we’ve always been taken care of, even when times were tight or i didn’t know when the next paycheck was coming in or i thought my wife was about to die or whatever. the Lord provided for us every time. and i am grateful to have what career i have. it may be “small” and nothing to look at by the big industry standards, but i believe in what i make so much, and i’m just grateful that anyone cares about it at all. and i will continue to do so until the day i die. because i have to. 

it’s what i was born to do, for better or worse. and no one can tell me otherwise.

Survey #224

“i don’t miss you, i miss the misery.”

What’s a hobby you would like to try out? Digital art. What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? A mutual effort to kiss. Like, you both purse your lips. What time is too early for you? 5:00 A.M. is generally when if I wake up, I'll go back to bed. Have you ever won a raffle? If so, what’ve you won? Yes, actually. I very faintly remember winning something up in New York at a bowling alley as a family when I was little. Idr what we won. What’s the most useless thing you have vast knowledge on? Probably Silent Hill lol, if we're talking about truly useless. Video game lore and such knowledge isn't exactly truly useful. Is there anything you feel you’re better at than anybody else? No. What’s the biggest insect you’ve ever seen? Uhhh probably some kind of beetle. How about the biggest spider? A bird-eating tarantula when I was at the reptile convention with Sara. When’s the last time you played Pac-Man? WOW, it's been years. I've only ever played it on my childhood GameBoy. What is your favorite winter Olympic sport? I guess ice skating is pretty, but I don't care about sports. You Internet dies; what do you do for the next little while? Ummm this is when I feel like a caveman lmao. Probably... play Nintendogs on my DS. I hate hate hate how reliant I am on technology. What was the last test you completely failed? Recently on my first math test of this year. I bombed it, but at least I wasn't alone I guess. Oh look, it’s snowing outside! Do you get excited? Hell yes. Is your room covered in posters, or pretty bare? My walls are coooooverrrrrred. What sport do you completely fail at? I went to a volleyball summer camp thing in school years upon years ago and that shit HURT. I don't think I stayed the whole duration of it. Do you ever question life and existence? Not really anymore. Why does it really even matter why we're here, just make the most of it. Admit it, we all love brand named clothes. What’s your favorite? I genuinely don't care about brand names. Would you ever risk having a house party when you’re parents are gone? Hell no. What are you plans for the future? Achieve a stable career, learn to drive and have my own car, buy my own home, move in with the person I love, have lots of pets, and most importantly just be happy and content. Is your cell phone on vibrate? It pretty much always is. Is your dishwasher full? We don't have a dishwasher; we have to wash by hand. What are your thoughts on Avenged Sevenfold? I don't know many of their songs, but they're fine, from what I've heard. Have you ever played tennis? No, I don't have that coordination. Have you ever played fetch with a dog? I think so. Have you ever pet a stingray? No. Who is the last baby you held? Colleen's son forever ago because she needed me to. Would you ever consider being a cannibal? Wow no. Do you have any scars from an animal? Possibly, idk. I have a lot of small scars. How have you been sleeping? Awful. I've pretty damn consistently been having screaming fits (I mean, actually shrieking) at night where I attack my bed from nightmares. I actually recently hurt my hand from it. I want to go to the doctor about it, it's really worrying me. Are you adopted? No. Do you like scrapbooking? I'm not really a crafts person, no. Do you collect anything valuable? No. How many house phones do you have? Zero. We only use cellphones. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? I don't believe so, thankfully. What was the last thing you killed? I at least tried crushing a flea. Mom used some kind of spray on the dogs outside, but it resulted in them just hopping off them inside too, apparently. Whose number did you last get? I have no idea. Have you ever thought about stepping in front of a car? I mean, I've had like those passive thoughts; you know, like when you're up somewhere high and your brain tells you to jump. But never seriously. Have you ever lied down in the middle of the street? Don't give me The Notebook flashbacks pls sobs. Anyway, ha ha, yes, only because my sister wanted a picture of us huddled together when Misty was here? Everyone loves that picture though so thanks for taking it Jason, lol. Do you listen to explicit music? Some songs, sure. Have you ever used someone for money? I could never live with myself doing that. Do you own colored eyeliner? No, just black. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? Some time last year when we got two sick rats in a row. Have you ever tried peanut butter and bananas together? Yeah, pb&banana sandwiches are pretty good. Do you have any mental disorders? *opens notes* Chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, severe generalized anxiety, bipolarity II, AvPD, PTSD, and OCD W O W ! ! ! ! ! Have you ever had to live with a friend? Yes, when we got evicted in '17. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Hell no. Why does the little kid have leukemia? So God can scare you into faith to save the child he cursed with the disease? Why did my sick kitten get run over when I was a kid? Why was my sister almost raped as a teen? I could go on forever about this. Life gets a lot more bearable once you just accept the shit isn't fair and has no rhyme or reason. You just have to live with it. Do you believe in sex before marriage? I believe in sex once you feel truly in love with someone. Just be safe with it. Do you know anyone who married their high school sweetheart? Two, off the top of my head. Have you ever known anyone who died at war? I don''t think so. Who was the last person to hug you? My niece of nephew, I'm sure. Who is your favorite female celebrity? ... Wowie, why are like, all the ones I'm seriously invested in males. I suppose maybe Eugenia Cooney? Her recovery and development is like so fucking beautiful and I am 99.99% there isn't a sweeter person in existence. Were you nervous on your first day of high school? A little bit, of course. Three words to describe your best friend: Loyal, honest, and supportive as all fuck. Are you literally afraid of anyone? Yes. Who did you last take a picture with? My dad, I think? Literally forever ago? Who was the last person to comfort you? Sara. Who was the last person to unsurprisingly disappoint you? Mom. If she says "yeah we'll do (whatever)," don't hold her to it, ever. If you answer a question wrong in class, does it embarrass you? YEAH. What’s your favorite Lady Gaga song? "Bad Romance" is the shit. I also really like the "Love Game" remix with Marilyn Manson in it. Would you date someone who smokes? No sir. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? Why or why not? That's an even bigger "no sir." Would you date the same sex? Why or why not? Well yeah, 'cuz I'm bisexual. What’s your biggest turn off? Physically, bad hygiene. Personality-wise, being full of yourself and overly-confident is such a turn-off. What’s your biggest turn on, physically? Do. Not. Touch. My. Boobs. Where would you go on a first date? Me personally, I think a safe bet is the movies. The first date is always so nerve-wracking, so a movie takes away some of the pressure to talk as much as you can. HOWEVER, I think it's very important to have bonding/getting to know each other time, so I think having a meal together is a nice addition. Most hurtful relationship? The ending of mine and Jason's. Ever regretted breaking up with someone? No. Have you ever dated someone more than once? No. Do you miss any of your exes? I mean, I miss Jason as a friend, though I know it's probably for the better we no longer associate with one another. What’s your biggest turn on, NOT physically? Romance. Act respectful, like you truly love and want me as a partner. Obviously see me as your equal. What is the sweetest thing someone you dated did for you? Probably Sara actually listening and not getting jealous or annoyed by me talking about my occasional bad PTSD days. Last time you got flowers? A random day Tyler came over when we were dating in early '17. Are you ready to get into a serious relationship right now? I'm in one now. Do you like cuddling? If I romantically like you, I am a total cuddlebug. Do you regret dating anyone? Why or why not? Idk. I wanna say Tyler, but I mean, it tested my ability to say "fuck no I'm not dealing with (whatever trait)." Most important lesson you have learned from dating? DO!!! NOT!!!!! EVER!!!!!! RELY!!!!! ON A PERSON!!!!!! TO BE!!!!!!!! YOUR SOLE SOURCE!!!!!!!!!!! OF HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!! What does it take to get you on a date? I mean, ask? Be clear that you're interested in me? Are you happier single or in a relationship? In a relationship. I just feel like there's some sort of validation I'm an interesting and/or fun person. Favorite ex? This is a... weird question. I mean, Girt is the only one I remain in contact with and adore as a friend, but I was VERY easily most in love with Jason. How important are looks? I really can't say I care much. I mean yes, it's harder to be sexually attracted to someone you don't find visually pleasing, but I've dated people I wasn't physically attracted to before, and looks didn't hold me back from dating them or being romantically attracted to them. How do you know when you are in love? Oh, you know. I can't really explain it, you just like... know. If someone cheated on you, would you take them back if you really loved them? NO SIR-EE. Have you ever been ashamed of anyone you were dating? No. Favorite memories with an ex? I don't want to ponder this for my PTSD's sake. I have a novel of "favorite" memories with him. Would you name a child of yours after you? Ugh, no. I honestly hate that. Like... it seems so egotistical, and why would you WANT to?? Like... that's your name. I just don't get it, at all. Obsessions? Markiplier is ACTUALLY the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, & I love lots of other YouTubers (no others really to the point of obsession tho, I'd say.... well, maybe Game Grumps), m e e r k a t s, the Silent Hill series, uhhhhh maybe that's it as far as real obsession goes. Perhaps Shadow of the Colossus with how many times I've played and beaten the thing. Addictions? I'm perfectly aware and regretful of just how reliant I am on technology. I turn into a caveman without it. I'm proooobably addicted to soda, fuckin' rip. Do you speak another language? Not anymore. I want to take German again, though, to refresh my memory and further improve, but I only really plan to if I have serious plans to visit Germany. Do you have a webpage? I have a Wix for my photography that I spent eons on jc. Do you live in the moment? Honestly, I don't feel so, most of the time at least. I'm always worrying and thinking about the future. Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? I'm, for the most part, extremely tolerant, though I can't decide if it's a good or bad thing that I'm becoming less so with time. Like ex., now, I seriously don't think I could be your friend if you don't support gay rights. There's just some shit I see as so ridiculous that I don't want to associate with you and give you my tolerance of your bullshit, hateful opinion. Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? I'm 23 years old. What are your #1 priorities in life? My happiness, my health, Sara, my pets. Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? Yeah. Certain types or urges in different situations, my religious anger and spite, my absolutely malice for my sister's horrid dog that for whatever fucking reason lives with us and not her... that kinda stuff. I think mostly just things relating to anger. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Hey anxiety, could you like?????????????? fuck off???????????????? Do you think you are emotionally strong? I will fucking NOT associate with your ass if you think I'm not after all the shit I've been through. Period. Not up for debate. What is your first name? *intro to B. Spears' "Gimme More" plays in the distance* Who was the first person you spoke to in person today? My mother. What was your first pet? The family cat Chance. If you mean like, actually mine, either Squeak the guinea pig or Shadow the Chinese water dragon. What was your first job? A GameStop sales clerk. How long was your first relationship? In my puppy-dog love middle school experience, maybe like, a couple of months? My first real one was three and half years. Who was the first person to break your heart? If you mean in any form, not just romantically, my dad when he abandoned us. Romantically, Jason. First person to give you flowers or candy on Valentine’s day? Other than my loved ones, Aaron, my 7th grade bf. First band you obsessed about? Truly obsessed with, Ozzy Osbourne. I loved Green Day as a kid, but it wasn't an obsession. First place you lived? Along the coastal plain/Piedmont border in North Carolina. First alcoholic beverage? Mike's Hard Lemonade. gud shit. First place someone took you on a date? I think Aaron and I went on a group date to the rollerskating rink first? That was a great day. Can you do a backflip? I'd break my neck, homie. Are you listening to anything right now? I'm binging Mother Mother. "Letter" is on right now. What do you do when you can’t fall asleep? Do exactly what you shouldn't do and get on the laptop, lmao. What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone? There's something I told Jason in my first letter to him after the breakup that I honestly... don't know if it was a lie or not. I was so goddamn hurt that I'd say almost anything. I don't want to talk about it, though. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same sex? She's my girlfriend of two years, I'd hope she woulda by now, lmao. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? Nope. Have you ever found pictures on your camera you don’t remember taking? I don't think so. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? I don't believe so. WAIT. Tyler drew a picture of me and him, I think? At least she had my common outfit. Have you ever dated a redhead? No. Where is your favorite place to go when you want to be alone? I'm always in my room alone, so like- Do you have any nieces or nephews? Boy, a lot. Do any of your friends have children? Yes. Is there anything you’re craving right now? I've honestly been a horny POS for forever now. What caused the last argument you had? My sister's mother-in-law being a homophobic piece of garbage. What was the last movie you watched? Good question. It's been a long time. Where were you the last time you kissed someone? The airport. Where was your last paycheck from? The day I worked at the dollar store for two hours and got $9 lmao. What was the last school you received a degree from? My high school. What did the last key you used go to? My house. Don’t tell me lies, so is the last person you texted attractive? She's gorgeous. Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced? I have snake eyes now, which I got done twice, because the first time, it was pierced too far back, so the swelling of my tongue literally started to swallow/heal over the bar. :') But it was worth it; it was by far the most painful piercing (the second time actually made me nauseous), but it's my favorite. What’s the background on your phone? My lock screen is fanart of Darkiplier & the simple picture impregnated me; my home screen is Sara and me. Are you a parent? To pets. :') How are things between you and the person you are with? Great. Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? Idk, my mom, probably. If you have a birthmark, where and what color? Yeah, exterior of my right arm. It's a slightly darker brown that the rest of my skin. When was the last time you felt nauseous? A while back. List three things that make you feel nauseous. THE SOUND OF VOMITING, even preparing to attempt to pick up pet shit, and uhhhh, how am I blanking. I guess certain smells? Idk. Do your parents support your dreams? Yes. List three of your favorite types of YouTube videos to watch. Comedy ones between friends, let's plays, and Mark's character ones are a unique and Supreme brand of video. What is your favorite park? Idk, I haven't been to many. Do you get fireflies where you live? Yep. What is the name of your YouTube channel, if you have one? 0zzkat (it's a zero). Do you wear the same shirt and shorts multiple times before washing? Only pj pants. If I actually go out in clothes, no, I change. What is your favorite store at the mall? Hot Topiiiiiic. Has a medication ever given you nightmares? Yes. I can't remember which it was, though. And I suppose one I'm on now might be causing them? Would you rather be surrounded by maple trees, fir trees, or palm trees? MAPLE!!!!!!!!!! How many different states have you lived in? Only one. What’s your favorite thing to do on a hot day? Swiiiiiim. Do you know anyone who’s allergic to bees? I don't think so. What does your favorite bikini look like? Sweetheart, nobody wants to see me in a bikini. What is your favorite thing to do at the beach? Swim. Do you think you are attractive? Nope. Who have you hugged in the past month? Mom, probably, and I actually think that's it. Are you good at recovering from injuries? Uh, I mean, I guess? Do you have more piercings or tattoos? They're tied at six, actually. Last bad news you heard? Some guy recently tried to break into Nicole's friend's house while she was home alone, but she scared him off with a shotgun through the window. I'm still not fucking over it. Last good news you heard? I got a 94 on the final test for the book we read in Writing. What was the last thing you posted on a Instagram? I only ever post photography on both of mine, so some picture. Do you prefer to live alone or live in a family? I wouldn't know; I never lived alone. What states have you visited, that you remember? New York, Florida, Virginia, South Carolina, and I recall Ohio VERY faintly. Oh yeah, and Tennessee, but that's a vague memory as well. OH, HOW DID I FORGET ILLINOIS?????????? What countries have you visited? I've never left North America. What are five careers you’ve considered? In chronological order, some that I've considered are paleontologist, vet, movie designer, game designer, and photographer. What do you wish your hair looked like? I really wanna dye it silver rn. Do you still feel anything for the first person you fell in love with? I still care for him, yeah. I guess I'm in a way still protective of him, too, as I saw very clearly when a tornado landed in his general area this summer, and I felt like a total mama bear that desperately wanted to know if he was okay. I know in my gut I'd probably knock a bitch out if he was seriously hurt. I know, the absolute apex of irony. Who was the last person you called? Mom. Do you take pictures on your phone? Very rarely. My camera SUCKS. How old were you the first time you encountered God? Oh, brother. Have you ever hallucinated? In middle school when I was coming off of a medication, I saw moving shadows. Do you struggle to get by? I'm not the one who cares for myself financially; I still live "under" my mother, but oh yeah, we struggle alright. Who is the best looking male celebrity, in your opinion? ggggggggggggggggggIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLLLL looking at him forces me into ovulation lmao y'all done know who it is. Do you use Snapchat? No. Do you know anyone who’s colorblind? Jason's brother was colorblind to I believe red and green. I know it was two colors. What is your favorite time of day to run? Run???????????????? If I run, bitch you best be running too. What’s a show you remember the very first episode of? Meerkat Manor and That '70s Show are quite clear. I'm sure there are others, I just don't care to think too long about this. Do you hate sleeping in? If I need it, not really, but generally, I don't want to sleep past ~10:30. How late do you consider too late to sleep in? 12:00. What is something of yours that is falling apart? Ha ha ha, the very first thing that came to mind was our poor shed door. Hurricanes have legit torn most of the white paint off of it to where it hangs in strips. It looks so bad; I've told my mom so many times to just tear them off, but she thinks it would look worse that way. When was the last time you saw your crush? February. Sobs loudly. When was your due date, and when were you born? I was due January 20-something, but was born on February 5th, but only because my mom was induced. Do you want to have kids? NO. What website do you usually check first when you get online? KM, just to ensure it's not on fire.

Wakanda Got Y’all Pt. 7

[Black Panther x Insecure Mashup]

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Word Count: 2.2k

The outreach center was operating in its usual mode.  Children playing in the gymnasium and fitness centers, tutoring area giving one on one help to kids on their studies, lunches and snacks distributed on schedule.  Luckily attendance rose with the stat of the regular school year.

Issa helped in the tutoring room with Frieda and a couple of other volunteers.

“Issa!  We have really picked up our numbers since the first week, isn’t this exciting?”  Frieda asks with a smile bigger than her hair.

Issa couldn’t help but admit the same.  “I know! I really can’t believe it, but I guess T’Challa was right.  They will come eventually, long as we are consistent and patient about it.”

Frieda puts on a thoughtful look peering at Issa.  “Wise words, from a king nonetheless. Have you guys been...getting along?”

Issa instantly starts to sweat.  “Hey Bradley! Don’t let those equations divide your attention.  Multiply your knowledge young’un!” Issa yells out across the room abruptly, causing the other students to sit up and look at her suspiciously.

“Which one is Bradley…”  Frieda asks searching the room.

There was no Bradley, Issa just needed an excuse to change the subject from T’Challa.

“He back there.  So, um, have you seen Nakia around today?  I was hoping to get to talk to her a little bit to go over some stuff.”

“Oh no worries.  I already got with her about the one piece she wore.  I saw you couldn’t keep staring so I asked where she got it, but she said it’s exclusive to her tribe so we probably shouldn’t appropriate.”

Issa blinks wildly, shaking her head.  “Wait, did she say we shouldn’t appropriate?”

Frieda shakes her head.  “No, that’s my thoughts on it.”  

“Frieda, it wouldn’t be appropriation if I did it.  You passed the diversity training with flying colors, I don’t know why this trips you up still.”

“Ohhh, right.  I’m sorry I almost stripped you of your Black identity to your roots.  Honestly, I can’t believe my foolishness.”

“Plus that wasn’t even what I was talkin about.  I need her to-”

“Can y’all take this conversation outside or put a pin in it?  My thesis ain’t gonna write itself.” One shiny, round boy boy spoke up from his laptop.

“Sorry!  Bradley…?”  Issa asks.

“Stefon, lady.  Damn!” He corrects.

“Young man, remember the clean language policy please.”  Frieda warns gently.

“How about y’all just REMEMBER, ma’am?”  The boy says with some neck work.

Issa mutters to herself.  “Damn, he really is a Stefon.  Um, sorry. Frieda, I’m going to find Nakia, you got this?”

Frieda waves her off.  “No doubt. Take your time!”

Issa walks out of the tutoring area towards the administrative offices where Nakia is located.  The secretary says hello as she confirms with Issa that Nakia was present and wrapping up a meeting.  

Issa sat down and pulled out her phone to pass the time, seeing a message from Kellie in the group chat.

(K) Is Tiffany covering the bill for this girls night since this was her damn idea?  Shit is high as hell, even after happy hour discount.

Molly pops up.  No girl, just stick to what you can do, we’ll wind down at my spot afterwards anyway.  Save your drink money.

That’s👏 what 👏 I’m 👏 talkin 👏 bout!  Kelli emotes.

Oh, Molly, you cool if Nakia is at your place too?

(M) She comin??

I’m about to ask…

(K) Oh!  If we bringin plus ones, lemme bring my Butterball to the function too!

(M) NO!  Y’all ain’t fuckin in my damn apartment.

(K) Woooow, like I’m that disrespectful.  Fuck you too then!

So is that a yeah or…

(M) If you get the balls to ask, she can.  But she ain’t my business, so if things go south, she out!

Issa hears Nakia’s door open followed by laughter.  Nakia walks out with T’Challa, stopping to give him a hug, making Issa squirm uncomfortably.  T’Challa breaks away and turns to see her.

“Issa!  Hello, you look well.  Were you waiting on me?”  T’Challa asks, while striding over to Issa, holding her hand to stand her up.  His sunny demeanor was hard to ignore, especially when she wasn’t sure if it was truly for her or from Nakia.

“No, actually, I am here to see Nakia.  I wanted to have a little talk, girl talk, you know.”  Issa says, stammering slightly.

T’Challa smiles looking back at Nakia.  “Be kinder to her than you just were to me, eh?  Issa, I would like to see you later. Call me when you are free.”  He says kissing the back of her hand with a wink.

“Issa, come in.  I was hoping to see you actually.”  Nakia’s ethereal voice calls out to her as she gracefully turns to go back into her office, beckoning Issa with a twirl of her fingers in the air.

As Issa walks in, she is caught up in the decor of Nakia’s office.  Earth tones set her mood at ease with the dark wood panel walls, rich tapestry lining the wall behind her.  Exotic plants emit fragrances to tickle her senses. The babbling of a large waterfall running over the plastic rock formations sing in her eardrum as she takes a seat in the comfy chair.

“Wow, I didn’t know you worked in a spa.  I should’ve came here more often.” Issa says in amazement.

Nakia smiles sweetly, folding her hands on her desk.  “Trust me, this wasn’t in the budget, but I figured I could splurge myself for a home away from home.”

Issa nods.  “Yeah, I can only imagine being outside of where I’m from.  It’s kind of exciting but scary too.”

Nakia waves this notion off.  “Oh no, I am used to being away from home.  I have traveled all around the world as a War Dog for Wakanda.  This is a vacation in comparison.”

Issa blinks, feeling her anxiety grow.  “Excuse me? War Dog?”

Nakia nods, looking at Issa in surprise.  “Yes! I thought I told you? Anyway, a war dog is like a spy.  It’s how we keep tabs on the happenings around the world, intervene when necessary, other classified things.  It’s so exciting, for selfish reasons really; half the reason me and T’Challa couldn’t work out.”

“Oh.”  Issa says softly.  The reality of being the one after Nakia to T’Challa breaks her confidence down further.  

Nakia cocks her head to the side with concern.  “I hope us working together does not make things uncomfortable for you.  He seems to believe in you a lot and T’Challa’s judgment is pretty sound for the most part.”

“No, not at all.  We’re taking things slow anyway.  I would barely call it a relationship, I mean, we’re talking but nothing deep, you know.”  Issa stammers

“It’s all good!  Long as everyone’s happy I’m happy.  And speaking of, I wanted to talk to you about We Got Y’all.”

Issa sits up straighter.  “Yeah, go ahead.”

Nakia twists her hands together anxiously.  “I wonder exactly how well we mesh together as a unit.  Don’t get me wrong, I still feel that the benefit of mixing us together helps our causes more than it hinders but there are little parts that may be a challenge to the overall goals we are trying to achieve.”

Issa furrows her brow.  “Well, ok. Could you be more specific?”

Nakia bites her lip.  “Some of the coordinators seem a bit out of touch with the culture here.  And that is coming from me, I’m, certainly not tied to America in the slightest, nor would I permanently choose to be.  But some are either too, let’s say ‘engaged’ with the students and their needs to the point of concocting worse backstories on assumption, while others are completely aloof to put it nicely.”

Issa knew exactly the ones that Nakia was talking about.  “I get it, you don’t even have to say a thing about it. Like you said, they try for the cause by showing up but it’s hard for them to see past innate differences sometimes.  You should’ve seen them trying to use me like a cheat sheet on what to even say to you guys, and even Erik, and he’s from here!”

Nakia shakes her head in disbelief.  “It’s outstanding the lengths people will go to appear accepting only to trip and fall on their own face, when you’ve asked for none of it in the first place.”

Issa nods encouragingly.  “Can we just say it now? White people?”

“Pssh, I was just about to, you beat me to it!”  

They share a genuine laugh that felt so good for Issa to let go, like a weight was lifted from her shoulders.  “I can talk to them, try and make things a little less tense and remind them you guys aren’t aliens.”

“The curly haired nervous one, she can be that way sometimes.  Very knowledgeable but everyday does not have to be CNN.”

“Right!  Just talk regular, she is an easy fix.  Frieda is the ally you want to have around here.”   Issa assures Nakia.

“Noted, thank you again for your input.  I won’t keep you from your weekend any longer, please have a good day.”  Nakia gets up, collecting some papers on her desk.

“Actually that is something I wanted to bring up.  Me and some girlfriends of mine were gonna have a girls night out, and we haven’t gotten wind down time together.  So I thought maybe you’d wanna come?”

Nakia’s eyes lit up.  “Sure! That sounds like a good plan!  I’d love to join your friends, just let me know what I should bring.”

Issa dismisses her, getting up.  “Oh just bring yourself. You’re my guest, it’s not problem.”

Nakia stands coming around to give Issa a strong hug.  “Thank you for the invitation. I cannot wait!”

“Great!  I’ll give you the details later!”  Issa says goodbye, leaving her office on cloud nine.  Their talk went way better than she ever expected, and now the other girls will get to meet her too.  Issa began to look forward to the night even more now. And with a ding of her phone, T’Challa gave her reason to leave work a little early.

Before she texts him back, she messages the girls.

Hey! Confirmed one more head for our night!

(T) I don't know her. Molly may not have room at her place...

(M) Uh, don't shade my apt...

I thought we were eating out?

(K) Call your man for that.  Tiffany tryna be bougie cheap is all.

The hell is bougie cheap?

(K) Avoiding tipping by doing a house party which is more expensive.

(T) whatever.  I just couldn't find a reservation last minute. But she can bring something to contribute.

Ok what are we needing?

(T) No no. She can bring something. We don't know her, let her impress us.

It wasn’t even Tiffany’s party and she was already running shit

---

T’Challa wanted to eat out tonight, so he picked her up for a night out to a mid range restaurant for them to enjoy.

“Ooh!  I think I’m going to get the shrimp.  I’m feeling fancy and delicate.” Issa says, bopping in her seat slightly.

T’Challa looks at her, staring at the candlelight illuminates their table romantically.  “Whatever you like sounds good to me.”

“No, you have to get something different.”  Issa protests.

“And why is that?”

“....so the table can have some variety?”  Issa mutters.

“But the meals are individualized.”  T’Challa asks in confusion.

“Well, if you don’t have a preference you should try the chicken marsala, that sounded good to me too.”

T’Challa closes his menu.  “So, if you have shrimp, and chicken marsala, what am I eating then?”

Issa looks up at the ceiling in dramatic thought.  “We haven’t seen the dessert menu yet.”

T’Challa chuckles, taking his glass up to Issa.  She mirrors him. “To dessert then. May it be sweet enough to lick the plate clean.”  He sips his wine looking at Issa with desire. Issa almost chokes on hers, sputtering and wiping her mouth dry.

“So, did you have a good talk with Nakia today?”  T’Challa asks looking back to his menu unphased.

Issa blinks a incredulously, unprepared to discuss his ex so soon.  “Diving right in huh? Well, yeah, it was good. She wants me to kind of talk with my folks about their methods around the kids and I invited her to go out with me.”

“Oh!  Is she stealing you from me now?”  T’Challa quips.

Issa looks sideways.  “I mean, she kinda pretty.  We’ll see after these drinks we bout to have Saturday night.”

T’Challa’s mouth hangs open before melting into a smile.  “I’m glad you are in good spirits considering.”

Issa sips from her glass.  “That she is your ex and you didn’t tell me ahead of time?  Yeah, I’m pretty fucking good.”

T’Challa calls over a waiter.  “It’s not like I wasn’t going to tell you, it’s just that I hadn’t gotten a chance to.  And I also didn’t expect it to have to be explained. I didn’t get into this program expecting to fall for one of the coordinators.”

“Well pick yourself back up.  This is going to stay as professional as possible out of respect.”

T’Challa shrugs.  “Then we will be going dutch on the meal, then?”

Issa cranks her neck back.  “Uh, don’t be rude. You invited me anyway, so that’s the rules.”

T’Challa squints at her.  “Wakanda is a bit different than America.  I might have to claim ignorance on that.”

They laugh as the waiter approaches.  “Welcome to Chez Magnifique. I’m L-”

“Lawrence?!”  Issa gasps.

“Yes, Lawrence.  She will have the shrimp and the chicken marsala.  We are sharing tonight.” T’Challa smiles at Issa but it swiftly drops when he reads her expression.  “What’s wrong?”

Part 8

Masterlist

RagTag

@hbicprettyprincess @theunsweetenedtruth

@kimianostalgia @airis-paris14

@afraiddreamingandloving

@chaneajoyyy

@myfavemarvelfanfics

@nys30

@blkintrovert

@allhailnjadaka @cutewylie @bidibidibombaclaat @muse-of-mbaku @wakanda-inspired @klaine15689

Perfume: English Translation of the Interview on Ongaku to Hito 2018.09 (vol.2)

Vol. 2 

A personal interview for Kashiyuka

Interview: Kashiyuka  

Since I've been through so many things until here, I feel like I'm invincible, or I'm not scared of anything, I should say.  I simply enjoy the present time so much, LOL!

- First thing first, can I ask you about your impression of the album?

K: I was surprised by the very bright atmosphere.  When I received the master sound source, he wrote a message to us saying "First, I would like you to listen the whole album without looking at the music order.  Do not read the music order before you listen"

 - I guess he wanted you to face the album as neutrally as you can.

K: Moreover, "Listen through the audio system of the highest quality you can get. No PC is allowed"

 - So he was pretty particular about the acoustic elements.

K: And furthermore, "If you don't have a nice audio system, then don't listen to it", LOL!!  I thought like, hey what kind of sound source is that?  I was surprised that Nakata-san said things like that.

 - If I were told things like that, I would feel pretty nervous when I press play, LOL!!

K: I hadn't received any requests or orders like that before, so I thought "I see, this is something"  I was pretty conscious when I took the first listen.

 - I know, you must have been very curious what would the complete album be like.

K: Therefore, I started listening without reading anything.  So I didn't know he put an instrument track "Start-Up" for the 1st song.  The moment I listened to it, I felt as if I started to walk toward a new world, just like the beginning of a story of a fairy tale.  I was so thrilled by that.

 - I know what you mean.  Unlike the 1st tracks of your last albums, it doesn't have that magnificent kind of atmosphere.

K: Then, what came next was "Future Pop"  I was pretty surprised like "What? Did he bring this for the 2nd track?"  But when I listened to it, I felt so glad that I was moved to tears.  In the past, I had goosebumps when I listened to a cool song, or got moved when I listened to a song that made me wistful inside.  But for this time, I somehow felt delightful. I felt as if I was told "You'll have bright future waiting for you from now on"

 - That might be true.  Personally, this album seems to cuddle to the past and the future of Perfume.

K: The world view of "COSMIC EXPLORER" was full of powerfulness and a sense of tension of breaking new ground in uncharted universe and future.  It was so magnificent, you know?

 - And it could be identified with Perfume of that era.  It seemed as if the album encouraged the 3 of you who were about to step into an unknown world, including the world tour.

K: This album is totally opposite of that magnificence.  It's so soft and gentle, and filled with happiness, I felt.

 - That's true.  It might be close to a view the 3 of you watching right now.  The lyrics are pretty real and it seems as if it's for the girls who are about to reach the next big-zero, or the start of the new chapter I should say...

K: Aha, you're talking about us turning 30's? LOL!!

 - ...It seems as if it tells these ladies like "You've come this far, and you can go even further from now on"

K: Yeah, and I'm so glad about that.  If you listen to each singles separately, you can sense that coolness and wistfulness. But when you listen to the whole album, even those songs are dragged to the bright world view this album possesses.

 - That's what is different from the magnificence of "COSMIC EXPLORER"

K: I felt as if the album lightly ran through us without losing its brightness at all.

 - The other thing I noticed, the number of sounds used in the album is pretty limited, right?

K: Yes.  Moreover, in some parts of the tracks, some nostalgic sounds are used.  You can tell if you listen to new tracks recorded in the album.  If you are a longtime fan who knows old Perfume songs, the sounds used behind the melodies would make you feel like "Oh, it sounds kinda nostalgic"  And for younger generations on the other hand, it might sound as a new sound.

 - I thought Nakata-san sent Perfume a message on that point as well.

K: When we started to perform Techno Pop for the first time, all we could say about the music was "It sounds like a sound of video games"  But after experiencing so many things, now I feel nostalgic and my heart twinges when I listen to this kind of sound.  Somehow I can feel warmth within the sound.

 - And you feel it in digital sounds that are supposed to be impersonal and cold, right?

K: Exactly. It's strange, but really amazing.

 - In "Future Pop", you sing "The future is bright"  But in the album, the path you 3 have walked is also illustrated, not only the future.  That might be the reason you felt so.

K: Soundly accepting our past when we move forward, rather than cutting it off, I see.  So for me, this album is pretty close to "Reframe" we performed the other day. Reconstructing the elements we have possessed for a long time and adding our latest elements into them to create something new.  I really, really enjoy doing it.

 - Wow, you sound so confident.

K: How should I say...?  Since I've been through so many things until here, I feel like I'm invincible, or I'm not scared of anything, I should say.  I simply enjoy the present time so much, LOL!

 - LOL! I know that's the mindset you 3 have right now.  So let me dare to ask you, what's the difference between the present and the past?

K: In the past, everything was a challenge for us.  And we also had a stronger sense of vocation and pressure to be accepted and get more people to listen to our music.  But now, we have arrived at the state of mind like "If people with whom we can understand each other understand us, we're just happy"

 - But does that mean you go defensive and play it safe?

K: Oh, I don't think so.  It's pretty difficult to update a vivid impression of a thing you felt when you met it for the very first time, no matter what you met.  It's same for us and people might get confused to see us doing something different from ourselves of that time.  And some people would definitely feel that our music doesn't fit their taste anymore.  I also feel things like that toward other bands sometimes.  But in any field, you just can't keep doing the same stuff and you've got to make changes.  I'd like to create something that we can proudly say "This is what we enjoy most and makes us happy", even if our change is not accepted.  I'd like to tell that to others and it would be my pleasure if we could understand each other.

 - Extremely speaking, you prefer sharing deep understandings with people who have love for Perfume, rather than getting unstable acceptance from many and unspecified audiences?

K: Hmm..., maybe?  I'm not sure. I feel really strange.  As you know, we've been working for a long time since we were young and back then, we thought the longer we continued our activities, the bigger our anxiety would grow.  We also believed that it would get more and more difficult to import elements of newer generations while maintaining our original policies at the same time, but actually we find it's getting less and less difficult to do so. We had never imagined us greeting like "3 of us together, we are Perfume!" at the age of almost 30 years old, but we actually do it, LOL!!

 - LOL!!

K: It's getting more and more fun.  Even if what we do get old, we think we can present the fun of the oldness.

 - That means you think you don't necessarily have to be cutting-edge?

K: People around us can judge whether we're cutting-edge or not, LOL!!  Now we can proudly express "What we enjoy most, what gets us excited most right now is this!"

 - In the early days, I saw you struggling to meet the expectation of the surrounding, rather than pursuing what you'd like to do?

K: We don't have that kind of difficulties anymore nowadays.  It would be our pleasure if we could get more people to listen to our music and we would love to meet the expectations.  But our feeling behind it is more like "We'd like to make your life bright with our music", rather than "We'd like to get more people to love our music"  So, it's more like we'd like to cuddle to everyone's lives, not that we'd like everyone to understand us.

 - Now I see that your perspective has changed.  This is something I told you in the joint interview, the girls in the MV...

K: Oh, you mean "Let Me Know"?

 - Yes, exactly.  In that MV, there are small girls who look like the projections of your old selves. It indicates that you're already in a position to pass something onto those people.

K: Like, this is how we have been through until now, and I believe you can do it, too, right? It's our pleasure if I could be a little help for those people..., hey, isn't it amazing that I can say things like this?  LOL!! Wow, people can change!  LOL!!

 - Yeah, I've heard you saying like that for recent 3 years, LOL!!

K: Right. So, it's never too late in whatever you do.  Nothing can get started if you just give up and say things like "This is who I am so..."  And once you get started, you'll notice a more important thing.

 - The more important thing?

K: Yes, once you get noticed about that, you can start to think things more lightly like "Alright, let's just give it a try!" even the things you feel pressure and anxiety to do and hesitate to try.

 - Hmm, that's true.

K: I thought I was a kind of person who lacked an ability to take action, and was nervous and tended to get distressed over so many things.  But recently, my friends tell me like "You know what, Yuka-chan?  You're pretty active", LOL!

 - LOL!

K: Yeah, and I actually became more active.  For example, last year I heard my friends talking "On this weekend, I'm going to go and ride on a drift ice", and I immediately went like "Ah, I'm free on this weekend!  I wanna go, so, I will go, too!" LOL!!  I've gained the instantaneous force, or activeness I should say, to follow a friend who is up to something I can never imagine doing.  Taking fancy ideas like that into action can make your life more enjoyable.

 - Such attitude might influence your mindset toward Perfume, I guess.

K: It did, actually, in a good way.  Now I don't take things too seriously.  After my teenage and 20's, the big 3-zero is just ahead of me right now.  Since I've spent my most sensitive ages working on a job like this, I have a tons of anxieties and sorrows I felt in those days. But now I feel all of them were beneficial for me and none of them were a waste.

 - That's so true.

K: When I look back from now, I can understand that A-chan and Nocchi were feeling the same back then.  But the time helped us forgive each other and we become even closer than we used to be. I really love the 2, not only their good part but including everything such as tough things and sad memories. As we had so many obstacles to get over, we became much closer now and the bonds between us became much stronger.

 - I feel your growth like that is projected to this album.  As if it's trying to tell us what you have been doing has not been mistaken.

K: I feel this brightness the album possesses is the answer for it.  I'm really delightful if Nakata-san actually senses that.

 - From my point of view, Nakata-san always senses things like that.

K: Isn't that amazing?  We only meet when we have recording or the meeting for the album releases.  We never see each other unless the CD release or recording is confirmed.  But still, he sensitively gets a scent of each members or the changes of Perfume. He must be genius!

 - That's simply because of his pure love, I believe.

K: He started to explain his music by words more and more, like he did when we released "If you wanna"  Now I believe he regards us as people who can communicate, LOL!!  In the early days, we were like "We won't miss any single word coming out of his mouth!!!", LOL!!  But recently, he speaks us more about music and I think that's because now we can have casual conversations.

 - That means you became a grownup.

K: I guess I took one step toward the grownup.  Now I don't think about "I wanna be a grownup, I don't wanna be a grownup" and things like that.  I felt "Ah, I actually became a grownup" since I quit categorizing things as "child" and "grownup"

 - I see.

I realize my motivation in life is to be needed by others, regardless whether they're children or grownups.  If I'm wanted, I can work harder for it.  So, it's like, now Perfume doesn't belongs to the 3 of us alone.  Perfume is more like a living system we create with various people, LOL!!

 - LOL!! A living system named Perfume!

K: Therefore, each one of them affects Perfume and helps it transform.  Though it might be the 3 of us who announce ourselves as Perfume, it is the living system created by our staffs we've worked with, our fans, friends and so many other people, LOL!!

 - And it will transform itself by taking the feelings of so many people into considerations, I see.

K: Even things like that are not definite.  Now it's becoming something without fixed shapes or styles.  And that's exactly why I feel we can do anything now.

You Take My Breath Away~Reddie Fic

Summary: When DJ job opens at the local roller rink Richie takes it not knowing he would meet the possible love of his life.

AO3: {READ}

Chapters: [Chapter 1], [Chapter 2], [Chapter 3], [Chapter 4]

Notes: OH HELLO, SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG WAIT (yikess)! I had such a bad case of writers block for this chapter plus some personal struggles, but ITS HERE AND ITS THE LONGEST CHAPTER! I hope you all enjoy this!  ALSO S/O to @cestleprobleme FOR HELPING ME THIS CHAPTER SHE BASICALLY ADDED SOME UMPH TO IT!  

WC: 5.5k

CHAPTER 5

“Well, Mr. K, I bid you a good evening.” Richie said taking Eddie’s hand, bowing down to give it a soft peck.

           Eddie’s heart leapt out of his chest as Richie took his hand and placed a soft kiss on it. A soft giggle escaped his lips as he said goodnight to Richie and backed his way into the dorm.

           Once Eddie was in the building he let himself fall back against the stony wall and began to laugh softly, the sound bubbling out of his chest, covering his flushed face with his hands. Eddie had never felt so happy and giddy in any moment like he did now. He had just asked Richie out on a proper date and Richie had said yes. Eddie smiled as he pushed himself off the wall and made his way back up to his room.

~

           The days leading up to Wednesday went by agonizingly slow for Eddie, and his excited anticipation only made it worse. He had two tests, a quiz, and a paper all due before Wednesday, and in order to get everything done, he had to spend most of his time studying, writing his paper, or sleeping. Being in college barely gave him anytime for himself, let alone for his friends.

           By Tuesday evening Eddie was exhausted and just wanted to sleep for the rest of the week, but the only thing keeping him from doing just that was his date with Richie the following day. Eddie was super excited to go out with Richie and get to know him more, but his nerves were beginning to kick in, and Stan could tell.

           “Eddie, everything will be alright, just be yourself.” Stan said reassuringly.

           Eddie had told Stan everything that had happened between he and Richie, from all the texts they exchanged to the way Richie made him feel. As much as Eddie knew Stan didn’t really care for Richie’s sense of humor, he knew that Stan actually kind of liked Richie, and at the very least liked how he made Eddie feel.

           Eddie sighed, “Yeah, you’re right, but I’m just so nervous.”

           “Its okay to be nervous Eddie, just take a deep breath, everything will go great. I can tell he really likes you.” Stan reassured rubbing his back gently.

           Eddie just nodded as he fell back on to his bed exhaling loudly just as his head hit his pillow. He knew Stan was right, he knew Richie liked him, but that didn’t stop the jittery feeling he felt in his bones. Once he landed on his pillow he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and he reached in to pull it out and saw it was a text from Richie.

           Richie: I hope you’re ready to have your socks blown off by my sk8ing skillz

           Eddie: We will see about that ;)

           Richie: You doubting me?

           Eddie: I would NEVER do such a thing!

           Richie: Whatever you say, spaghetti man

           Eddie: Well on that note, I’m going to head off to bed

           Richie: Okay grandma, its only 8

           Eddie: I’m tired okay?!

           Richie: Okay okay! Goodnight sleepy prince ;)

           Eddie looked down at the last message, his eyes tracing it over and over, smiling wider each time. He could feel a soft blush dust his cheeks as he locked his phone and plugged it into its charger.

Eddie let his eyes flutter shut as the world blackened, but his thoughts wandered and they went straight to Richie; the soft, disheveled curls that adorned his head, the freckles that dusted the bridge of his nose and the tops of his cheeks, and that stupid mouth. The mouth that would spout vulgarities, but also the mouth that tasted of bubblegum and made Eddie’s insides churn delightfully. Everything about Richie made Eddie feel like a high schooler falling foolishly in love.

Not after long, he felt himself begin to drift off; it was that kind of falling asleep where you don’t really remember it happening. He was warm and pleasantly surrounded by darkness, and it was so restful that, after the week Eddie had already had, he never really wanted to leave.

Eddie was jolted awake to Stan poking at him,

“Eddie. Eddie, you gotta get up, you’re going to miss class.”

Eddie felt panic course through his veins as he jumped out of bed and hastily got ready. He had never been late to class, not once in his academic career. He took off the sweater he fell asleep in and threw on a new one that was bigger and drowned his small frame. He ran his hands through his hair to hastily style it into something remotely acceptable enough to make him look presentable in as short a time as possible. He grabbed his backpack and all but ran to his first class.

           Eddie spent most of the day feeling like he was going to throw up from the distress. Waking up late set his nerves on edge from the moment he opened his eyes, and his date with Richie was still weighing heavily on his mind. He would bounce his leg in class to try to help calm the anxiety that was coursing through every inch of him. He felt like his skin was vibrating, and no matter what he tried to do, he couldn’t settle his coursing veins. By the time four o’clock rolled around Eddie was ready to be back in his room for a short reprieve before his date with Richie.

           Eddie walked back to his room as quickly as he could, a mix of his anxiety and his desire for as much time alone as possible driving his hastened pace. The cold fall-transitioning-into-winter air prickled his cheeks, making them turn a soft bright red. Eddie waved his student ID in front of the blocky scanner to gain access to the from door of his building, and after getting inside, quickly made his way up the stairs and down the halls to his room. He tried the handle on the door but it was still locked, indicating Stan wasn’t back yet, and he was sure he was probably with Bill since his classes ended over an hour ago.

           Eddie walked into the cold, dark room and put his backpack on his desk chair before he made his way over to his bed where he flopped down with all the grace of a flailing fish, exhaling sharply. The cool and the dark were a much needed relief on his sense, and he looked at the time on his watch and saw he had one hour before Richie was going to be picking him up.

           As he lay there he took deep breath and exhaled, “Okay. You got this.” Eddie pushed himself up off the bed and walked over to his dresser to begin getting ready. He wanted to look nice for Richie, but he knew they were going to be skating, so he decided to pick something that would be comfortable but very flattering on him. He rummaged through his drawers until he found his large loose-knit pink sweater. It was one of his favorites to wear, especially when he paired it with his light-wash jean overalls.

           Eddie slid the sweater over his head and let it settle on his shoulders, allowing one side to slip down, showing off a little of his shoulder and collar bone. He then pulled his overalls on, clipping on one side and letting the other strap dangle unclipped. He looked in the mirror on the wall near his desk and smiled, pleased with his outfit.

           Eddie looked down at his watch again and sighed a little, relieved, seeing he still had some time to spare. He decided to use his spare time to make sure his hair was up to par, and he grabbed his brush and hair pomade and made sure it was securely styled in his usual soft brown quiff. He grabbed the bottle of cologne that sat on top of his bookshelf and spritzed it on his neck and pulse points. Nothing more aggressive than normal.

           After setting his cologne down Eddie felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He quickly retrieved it to see Richie hand sent him a text saying he was waiting outside, and to take his time if need be. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, in then out, he grabbed his bag with his skates and left the dorm.

           Eddie made his way out of the building and once outside was greeted by Richie, leaning against his car with one leg bent up and his foot resting against the side, blowing bubbles with his bubble gum. Eddie could feel his insides already begin to warm as he watched Richie look him up and down and give the most devilish smile.

           Eddie smiled shyly back as he approached Richie slowly, taking him in. He was wearing his black leather jacket with an AC/DC shirt underneath it, and of course those skinny jeans that had perfectly placed holes at the knees. Eddie never understood why someone as good looking as Richie even gave him a second glance.

           “Shit, Eds.” Richie said, cracking his gum and looking Eddie up and down.

           Eddie just looked up at Richie smiling a bit, grabbing his left arm and shifting his weight to his right foot. “You…you look really…good.” Eddie said stammering over his words trying his best not to blush.

           “Eds, I am sorry, and not to demean your other numerous and completely winning qualities, such as your bright intelligence, way with words, and endless list of jaw-dropping talents, but you look so fucking hot.” Richie said running his right hand through his hair.

           Eddie bowed his head and chuckled lightly before licking his lips, feeling his cheeks warm as well as his stomach, and then looked up to smile at him, “Thanks.”

           Richie slid away from the passenger side door that he was leaning on and opened it for Eddie. Eddie walked up to the door, smiling at Richie, and then ducked his head as he slid gracefully into the passenger seat. As he sat down he could feel his heart beat in his eardrums, so he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing his whole body to relax.

           Eddie heard the driver’s side door open and he turned to see Richie climb in, and Eddie realized he could smell him, he smelled different, not like he remembered him smelling before, not bad but very good. Richie usually had the distinct smell of cigarettes and bubblegum, which had its own allure, but today he smelled more musky with a hint of vanilla, and some other notes he couldn’t place. Eddie could feel his head begin to swim as the smell of Richie swarmed all around him.

           “You ready?” Richie said looking over at Eddie.

           “Yeah, where you taking us?” Eddie asked with a smile.

           “It’s a surprise.” Richie said, returning the smile and adding a wink.

           Richie accelerated the car as Eddie sat back and buckled himself in. He looked out the windows and watched the scenery pass by, a comfortable silence between them filled only by the softly playing radio. It felt nice, after having his nerves on edge all day. He watched as they passed neighborhoods, the small downtown that included a small movie theater that everyone loved, and barren trees getting ready to face the cold. It wasn’t that long of a drive though before Richie pulled up to the diner in town. That very same diner where Eddie felt his heart ignite and knew that he wanted to be with Richie.

           “This is where we are eating?” Eddie asked, a little surprised and delighted that this is where Richie wanted to eat.

           “Yeah, it’s the first place we really…uh, you know, met.” Richie said smiling almost shyly.

           Eddie smiled fully at the fact that Richie had chose this specific place to eat, and the reasoning behind it, and opened the passenger door and climbed out. He began to make his way over to the diner door when Richie caught up with him in time and grabbed the door.

           “M’lady.” Richie said bowing dramatically while holding the door open.

           Eddie walked into the diner and was greeted with the familiarly pleasant smell of grease and burgers. There was a sign by the hostess stand that said ‘Seat yourself!’ in some vintage font. Richie walked up and looked over at him, “Lead the way.”

           Eddie nodded slightly as he took Richie’s pinky in his, locking them together, and lead the way to the back of the diner. Eddie chose a booth that was by one of the windows and looked like it had been freshly cleaned. He slid into one side of the booth and Richie sat down on the opposite side.

           After settling a waitress in her mid-40’s approached the two. Eddie noticed she had curly brown hair with strands of grey just beginning to show, and striking physical features. Her cheekbones were sharp, nose coming to a perfect point, and piercing blue eyes.

           “Hey there, I’m Sallie, I’ll be your waitress today. Can I start you off with a drink?”

           “I’ll take a coke.” Richie said smiling up at Sallie.

           “I’ll have a strawberry milkshake please.” Eddie smiled.

           “Sure thing, I’ll be right back with those.”

           Sallie closed her ticket book and walked towards the kitchen to get the drinks they just ordered. Richie leered slightly in her direction as Sallie walked away, “Now that’s a MILF.”

           “Richie!” Eddie whispered harshly while smacking him in the head with his menu.

           “What? It’s true!” Richie said laughing.

           “Do you have to say it so loud?!”

           Richie only responded with a proud smirk on his face and leaning back in the booth at an angle, one arm on resting on the table and the other on the top of the seat. “How was your day, Ed’s?”

           “Well, I was late for my first class, I haven’t been able to focus like at all on anything, and to be honest I’ve been a nervous wreck all day.” Eddie felt the words slip out of his mouth easily, not meaning to be so openly worn down and honest about his nervousness towards tonight.

           Richie sat there in silence, staring deeply into Eddie’s nervous gaze, and Eddie began to fidget with end of his sleeve. He saw Richie begin to lean across the table a little, but Sallie chose that moment to return with their drinks.

           “Here you go boys, are you ready to order?” Sallie asked with a smile, pen at the ready to take their order.

           “I’ll take the chicken wrap with no tomato.” Eddie smiled up at her.

           “I’ll have a cheeseburger with fries.” Richie added.

           “All right, I’ll put that in, it should be out shortly.” Sallie responded closing her ticket book putting it in the pocket of her apron.

           Once Sallie walked away Richie spoke, “Eddie, I don’t want you to be nervous around me, I want you to feel comfortable.”

           “It’s hard not to be nervous around you, Rich.” Eddie said back with a wan smile, quickly realizing he had just called Richie “Rich”.

           “You can just be yourself, Eds. I already like you, so what’s there to be nervous about?” Richie said with a warm smile, reaching his arm out to give a soft pinch to Eddie’s cheek.

           Eddie let a soft laugh escape his lips, and he quickly covered his face with his hands, feeling every nerve relax in earnest for the first time today. Something about being with Richie made him so nervous but at the same time so relaxed. “Well, other than being a ball of nerves all day, it was alright, and it’s getting better by the minute. What about you, how was your day?” Eddie inquired, resting his head in his hands.

           “Well, I certainly am glad to hear that, Mr. K, I could only wonder what is making it get better.” Richie said, using some god-awful attempt at Southern Belle accent, and winked before continuing in his normal voice, “I pretty much just had class, and now I am having dinner with a really fucking cute boy. I’d say the day has been pretty good so far. One for the books, maybe even.”

Eddie couldn’t stop the smile that broke out across his face (despite Richie’s poor use of grammar), and quickly took a sip of his milkshake to try and hide it. “You sure you’re not just talking about yourself there?”

           “What do you mean? I am positive, Eds, that you are the cute one here. I, on the other hand, am the sexy one. That’s the difference.”

           Eddie nearly choked on his milkshake as he began to laugh at Richie’s utter charm and stupidity. He felt the burn of milkshake about to come out of his nose, and quickly reached for his napkin to cover it and his mouth, before a complete embarrassment happened. He could see Richie trying to cover his mouth with his hand as he laughed loudly, his eyes crinkling at the corners and a flush covered his high cheeks, and Eddie tried to calm his simultaneous coughing and laughing, a painful and all the more hysterical combination.

           “I mean, I knew I was funny, but Jesus H. Christ.” Richie chuckled.

           “I’m laughing at the fact that you think you’re the sexy one. Don’t get me wrong you are very sexy, but let’s be honest, I take the cake on that one.” Eddie said still laughing, feeling emboldened by the glow Richie was making him feel, and tried his best to wink at Richie, but failed epically.

           “Touché, Spaghetti, touché.” Richie said taking a sip from his coke, “But you being completely unable to wink just proves my point that you are the cute one.”

           Eddie knew he couldn’t wink for shit and felt a mildly embarrassed blush rise to his cheeks. Just as Eddie was going to shoot back at Richie, probably something about how yeah, maybe Eddie was cute, but he could still kick Richie’s ass, Sallie showed up again at their table with their burger and chicken wrap. “Here you go, boys, is there anything else I can get you?”

           “Uh, no thanks, I think we’re good.” Richie said sweetly to Sallie.

           “All right-y, well enjoy.” Sallie said, returning the smile before making her way back to the kitchen.

           Richie and Eddie began to eat their food in a comfortable silence for a short while before Richie made some joke about his burger tasting better than sex, and Eddie completely disagreeing saying sex was obviously better than a greasy burger. They both had laughed, and Richie, realizing his folly, agreed that sex was indeed better than a burger.

           As they chatted, Eddie learned that Richie was at school for journalism, hoping one day to land a job as a DJ on the radio. Eddie also learned that Richie loved music more than the average person, and he was a big fan of 80s rock and modern alternative music, completely different from Eddie’s taste in music, but entirely respectable.

           Eddie told Richie about his major and hoping one day to become a pharmacist, and maybe even having his own pharmacy. Richie listened intently with a smile as Eddie told him about his post-graduation plans. Richie asked about his favorite music, and Eddie blushed as he told him he liked Indie pop and music you hear on the radio, but Richie seemed to show some interest as well, and this made Eddie relax a little.

           They were sitting there talking when Sallie walked up again, “Are you guys ready to pay?”

           “I think we are, thank you.” Eddie said politely.

           “Alright-y, would you like the bill split?” she asked.

           “No, I’ll take it.” Richie responded quickly, taking the bill from Sallie.

           “I think not!” Eddie said, reaching his hands out, trying to grab the bill from Richie.

           “No, no, no, I got it Ed’s!” Richie raised his arm over his head, making it completely out of reach for the smaller man.

Eddie tried to grab the bill from Richie by standing up and reaching for it, but ultimately he gave up. He sat back down, admitting defeat. “Thanks, Richie.”

           “Anytime, babe.” Richie said with a smooth wink (unlike Eddie’s earlier attempt), stuffing a twenty into the little book before shutting it. “Shall we?”

           “I think we shall.” Eddie replied sliding out of the booth.

           The two walked towards the front of the diner and thanked Sallie on their way out. Once they got in Richie’s car, they made the short drive to the roller rink, and Richie quickly parked the car in the small lot. Just as soon as Richie had put the car in park, Eddie was already flying out of the car and making his way into the rink, full of excited energy to do his favourite activity, and do it with Richie. It was his chance to show off. Eddie could feel Richie’s gaze on him as he raced to the door.

           Once they entered the rink, Eddie took Richie over to get fitted for some skates. Eddie was kneeling on the ground, lacing Richie’s rented pair up while he sat on the rickety bench. Eddie could feel Richie’s gaze on him, and it made his skin tingle pleasantly. He finished lacing up Richie’s skates by tying a small bow at the top.

           “Okay, how do they feel?” Eddie asked pushing off his knees.

           “Good!” Richie nodded enthusiastically, giving the skates a wiggle with his feet.

           “Okay, let me get my skates on and then we can head to the track.” Eddie said sitting beside Richie as he began to take his own shoes off.

           Eddie quickly yet carefully laced up his skates, a practiced precision, and topped them off with a small lopsided bow on both skates, just like Richie’s. He stood up and stuck his hand out to Richie to so he could grab it. As Richie’s hand met Eddie’s, that same tingle ran through his fingertips and up his arm, consuming Eddie’s entire body with a warm, low burn. Eddie reveled in it.

           Eddie lead them both out to the track, carefully making sure Richie wouldn’t fall over on the way over and giggling when he realized Richie looked about as graceful as a baby giraffe. As they made it out on the track, the thudding music grew in intensity as they got closer to the speakers, but the track was barren, not a single person skating.

           “Alright, you ready?” Eddie turned and asked. smiling ear to ear.

           “I was born ready, Spaghetti Head!” Richie said placing his hands on his hips, but the shift in his balance causing him to wobble a little bit.

           “Oh okay, sure,” Eddie said laughing, “Just be careful!” He reached out towards Richie, placing his own hands on Richie’s hips to help balance him a bit.

           “First off, I need to show you how to get moving. There are two ways you can do it.” Eddie began to explain.

           “Well, get teachin’, because damn, I am not going to be able to concentrate or do anything functional if you keep holding my hips like that.” Richie said smoothly.

           “Fine, ANYWAY, as I was saying, there are two ways you can move forward: there is weaving your legs, which is the easiest way to learn first, in my opinion.” Eddie continued, “So what you’re going to do is just start to spread your legs apart slowly, and just as your feet go past your hips underneath you, begin to point your toes back in and bring your legs back together.” Eddie smiled up at Richie.

           “Okay, Eds, you’re the boss.” Richie smiled back and began to spread his legs slowly, hands up and out at his sides for a little added balance.

Eddie skated backwards a bit to give Richie some space, and he watched as Richie began to weave his legs slowly and made his way over to Eddie. As Richie approached he saw Richie’s legs spread further and further apart. “Oh, no…”

         “EDS!” Richie all but screeched, “HELP, I’M GONNA FUCKING EAT SHIT.” He flailed his arms a little to try and gain control, but he was almost in the splits.

Eddie skated over smoothly as Richie still squawked and helped him back into an upright position. He tried to stifle a giggle as Richie began to rub his inner thighs. “Okay, maybe not that one?” Eddie asked.

“You think? I almost went into the fucking splits! These jeans, although very flattering on my ass, don’t allow for that kind of mobility.” Richie laughed back while still massaging his inner thighs, looking only mildly indecent to anyone who may have been looking.

“Okay, so the other way is to just push outward with your legs, kind of like shuffling forward, but not quite. Just watch me.” Eddie said, and began to demonstrate the second way of skating. He pushed off with his right leg letting the left one support his weight underneath him, and then shifted so that his right leg was supporting him as he pushed with his left, and he smoothly made his way down the track and then back to Richie, stopping just short of him.

“Okay, your turn.” Eddie said, placing his hands proudly on his hips.

“Will you be there to catch me if I fall?” Richie said in a dramatic voice, looking right at Eddie.

“No, you can fall on your ass.” Eddie responded smiling playfully.

“I’m hurt, Kaspbrak!” Richie responded mock sadly, clutching his heart with all the flair of the dramatic.

“I guess don’t fall then.” Eddie patted Richie’s shoulder sympathetically.

Richie shook his head with a laugh as he began to slowly skate by pushing off with his left foot first then his right, just as Eddie had done, but with a little less grace. Eddie was surprised to see how well he was doing, and he could feel himself smiling as he saw Richie take the corner and skate up to the wall and held on to it.

“I DID IT!” Richie cheered from the opposite end of the track, wearing the biggest smile Eddie had probably ever seen, looking as though he was waiting for Eddie’s approval.

Eddie smiled and giggled a little as he made his way over to Richie. As he skated up, he reached his hand out and grabbed Richie’s, pulling him back into the main track with him. The song had switched over to Everytime We Touch by Cascada.

           “Well, isn’t this ironic.” Richie said cheekily, lacing his fingers in Eddie’s hand.

           Eddie just shrugged, trying to play off the blush that dusted his cheeks as exertion, and he turned to face Richie, taking his other hand and started to skate backwards. Eddie was pulling Richie along as they both began to sing along to the song. Richie getting a bit more into it and making more of a theatrical performance of the song compared to Eddie, but unable to do too much without throwing his balance off.

           Eddie helped Richie stay stable as they skated around the track and sang at the top of their lungs, smiling and giggling all the while. The song was nearing the end when Eddie swung back around to Richie’s side, still holding his hand. The song had switched over to something neither of them knew, but was still rather upbeat. Not knowing the lyrics to the song, Eddie decided to initiate a conversation to engage Richie a bit more.

           “So, uh, when did you figure it out?” Eddie asked.

           “Figure what out?” Richie asked holding tightly onto Eddie’s hand for balance.

           “When did you figure out that you weren’t straight?” Eddie blushed.

           “Oh, high school, like pretty much everyone else. I had my first girlfriend in middle school, but then going to high school really opened my eyes. I saw this boy, and I knew I had more than just friendly feelings, you know? I got that gut-tight feeling and butterflies and all that sappy shit that comes along with crushes. But I was confused because I was still attracted to women as well.” Richie began to explain.

           “I had begun to get these feelings, and crushes on guys and girls all the time, and I was just so confused and frustrated. Everyone only talked about gay or straight, ya know? I had just decided to bury everything, and not think about it, especially after one day I brought up liking both boys and girls to some friends and they shot it down right away, said that there was no such thing, that it wasn’t possible to like both. I was scared and suppressed it hardcore. I would sneak around with guys all throughout high school and openly be with girls all the time.

           “It was coming to college where I really finally accepted my bisexuality. I met some others who were bisexual, like Bev, and few others, who actually told me that bisexuality was a thing, and that it was totally okay and normal. I told my parents after my freshman year here, and they were actually pretty open and understanding and have been very supportive.” Richie sighed looking over at Eddie with a hesitant smile on his face.

           Eddie could feel himself tearing up a bit hearing what Richie had gone through with his sexuality. Eddie didn’t know what to say or do, so he just slowly brought them to a stop, turned to looked up at Richie and said, “You are valid. To me, to the world, and no one should tell or convince you otherwise.”

           Eddie could see Richie’s smile grow, and he brought his thumb up to Eddie’s cheek to swipe away a lone escaped tear, “You got it, Spaghetti head, you’re the boss.”

           Just as Richie had finished speaking, the song switched to another upbeat tune, this time a song the both of them knew, and sent a thrill of excitement through their bodies. The sweet guitar of AC/DC’s You Shook Me All Night Long came through the speakers, and Richie’s face completely lit up as he turned and began to skate again, a bit faster and steadier, and started to play air guitar along with the song.

           Eddie and Richie were laughing as they both skated kicking their legs, playing the air guitar and screaming the lyrics, Eddie surprised by Richie’s quite good impression and singing voice. Eddie began to shake his hips swiftly and smoothly to the beat, and dropped lower to the ground as the guitar solo came on. He watched as Richie eyed him and continued to play the air guitar.

           Just as the second guitar solo was coming around the music abruptly stopped and transitioned into Take My Breath Away. Eddie, taken by surprise at the abrupt change, began to lose his balance, and he felt his body tilt back and fall flat on the track. He winced a little at the pain in his tail bone, but looked up to see Richie coming directly towards him, a look of concern on his face, and Richie tried to stop in time but lost his balance instead, falling right on top him.

           Richie made a graceful ‘OOF ‘ sound as he landed on Eddie, his face ending up smooshed into Eddie’s chest, arms flailing a little for purchase on the ground, and when he was finally able to right himself slightly, he looked up only to come face to face with Eddie, whose eyes were looking directly into his. The two froze, and Richie could see that Eddie’s mouth was parted a little bit, feeling soft puffs of air against his skin. From here he could count every cute little freckle on Eddie’s nose, and he was sure Eddie could do the same. They stared at each other, neither sure who was going to make the first move, but when Richie began to lean in a little closer to Eddie, the smaller man grabbed the sides of Richie’s face and brought their lips together, and Richie wasted no time kissing back.

           It was a little awkward because of the angle and position they were in, but Eddie swore nothing had ever felt this good or right. Richie’s lips were warm, plush, and smooth, and he unconsciously pressed his own against Richie’s harder, tilting their heads to deepen the kiss. Eddie felt himself sigh a little, and parted his lips ever so slightly, inviting Richie in. He felt Richie’s warm tongue graze his inner lower lip and he couldn’t control the shiver that ran down his spine in response. Eddie pushed his own tongue into Richie’s mouth in return, letting it explore, and reveling in the feeling of their tongues meeting in the middle. The song was picking up, and that’s when Eddie came back to Earth, and pulled away gasping.

           He looked up at Richie, into his deep, dark brown eyes, and couldn’t resist saying, “Rich, you take my breath away.” Richie couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of his chest, and Eddie pulled him back in for another kiss. They stayed there, in the middle of track in the middle of the roller rink, kissing and not caring who was there or who saw.

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Värvet pod with Bill Skarsgard.

Bill Skarsgard, 27 years old and already spot on as an actor. It’s not news that Bill Skarsgard is a flaming hot name in Hollywood. Now he’s on the big screen in over 70 countries worldwide. He has walked the old path to a great career, from smaller jobs that developed into bigger ones. Bill has before IT gotten smaller attention in the media. He’s born 1990, fourth child of Stellan Skarsgard. It’s been seven years since his debut in Simple Sinom and Behind blue skies. In 2013 he got his first international role in Hemlock Grove. He’s in Sweden to promote his new upcoming movie IT.

Kristoffer: Talk.

Bill: Hello, Hello, can you hear me?

K: Yes I can hear you perfectly.

B: Little to good maybe.

K: You’re good.

*Laughing*

K: Where are we?

B: We’re at The Grand Hotel.

K: Yes that’s right, how are you? B: I’m good,very good. I currently at my third cup of coffee for the day.

K: Well, now you’ve been acting for such a long period of time, yet you’ve only had this amount of attention these past 4 years. B: I don’t think I’ve ever had this amount of attention before. It a new feeling however ti’s a movie that’s got a worldwide interest which is a rather odd feeling.

K: How does it feel, I mean it’s a part of your job? B: It’s surreal. So many people interested in the movie, for example Dwayne ’The Rock’ Johnson the muscle guy in Fast and Furious posted a picture of Pennywise and wrote that it was his favorit movie, the directors and actors are great and that Bill Skarsgard is a great Pennywise. It’s absurd since he got over 90 Million followers. Plus the movie is out now in the US.

K: Do you enjoy it? The attention. B: I don’t know. I like the experience, it’s fun and all that yet I can’t say I’m someone who enjoys or finds it necessary to get all the attention. I like to separate my private life and my professional acting life. Like I don’t have the need for Twitter and Instagram.

K: Yet you’re active on social media right? B: No.

K: So you have other people doing it for you then? B: No, there’s no one doing that or what do you mean?

K: Because I’m following you all those platforms you just mentioned. Or I thought I did. B: Really? But no, that’s not me. I know that there’s is Twitter accounts that claiming to be me and then there’s fan accounts but they’ve made it very clear that they’re only fan accounts. However I’m not so sure what to do about that. I’ve thought about creating an account so people would know the truth like even you believe that those accounts were real.

K: Okay because it says ’Sorry for being so bad at posting here, I’m using my Instagram more’ which makes it rather believable. B: I think it’s rather creepy. *Laughs*

K: For me it’s huge that you been sitting next to Jimmy Kimmel as a guest, how did it feel? B: Absurd. I thought what am I supposed to do on an american talkshow for the first time. Who am I supposed to be? That nice, relaxed and perfect actor, being THE moviestar or that awkward, mystical artist. It’s the question about who you present yourself to an audience. Beforehand I had some ideas. Who are you supposed to be infront of an audience at Jimmy Kimmel. I was told a few week before that I was going to be on Jimmy Kimmel and got terrified, fun and surreal. As time passed I got calm since being on Jimmy Kimmel is just like doing any other interview I do all the time. However not to make this story longer than it has to be I got there and they guided me into this greenroom with my agents and managers to get ready. As I’m getting ready there’s this screen with the show on so I’m sitting there, getting my make up ready and Jimmy suddenly said ’Tonights guest is Bill Skarsgard from IT’. When I heard that it was such a bizarre feeling, like there’s one of those glitches in Matrix, he’s not supposed to say my name. Then someone walks inside and says that it’s my turn before guiding me into this room which is not bigger than a wardrobe with a big door. They explain to me what’s going to happen, that Jimmy will say a few things before the door opens before they leaved me alone in there. However I think they did that a little too early since I probably stood there for about 2 minutes as the show is ongoing outside that big door. When I finally walked out and me Jimmy for the first time I wanted to say that ”This feels like a glitch in Matrix” however he just says ”Hi you’re from Sweden how’s that?” and I’m just like ”Ehm, yeah it’s good,” which made him smile. Then I realized that I have no control over this what so ever, all I need is to keep up with him thought out the interview.

K: So you didn’t know what he would say beforehand? B: Yes, before meeting him I had a smaller interview with the team and project leaders told me that Jimmy would talk about my Swedish origin in the beginning.

K: Then the question is, which Bill Skarsgard did we see on Jimmy Kimmel? B: I have to say myself. When I had thought about it, it felt better to just be myself. I didn’t feel like being someone I’m not. Yet it’s a pretty deep question who you are when you really think about it.

K: Now you’ve been working over there for about five years now, I know that when you first got there you got a language coach. As a guest on Jimmy Kimmel, did you feel nervous about letting your Swedish tongue slip through? B: No, I’ve been over there for such a long time now. I think I’ve even reached that point where it feels easier to express myself in English than in Swedish or at least it takes some time to switch to Swedish when I return home. As I said it’s because I’ve been there for such a long time, I have been doing a lot of interviews, jobs and not to mention I have very close friends there as well.

K: Amazing, I actually spoke to a close friend that moved to New York and told him that he’s like a whole new person when he’s speaking English. When he speaks Swedish he this very self-contained which is the total opposite when he’s speaking English, then he’s all flirty and such. B: Really? K: Yes B: Did you notice that or did he tell you? K: I noticed it yet I don’t know if he agrees with me. So my question is do you feel like you’re different when you’re speaking English? B: I don’t think so. Swedish people are one of the best English speakers from non english speaking countries, as well as Holland. Like you don’t have to learn Swedish to talk to a swede, you can speak English to anyone. However when you’re in a country or in a group with English as their native language then you might feel a little restrained since you can tell jokes in the same way and when you try to tell a story or so it get’s all confusing. For me I had that feeling when I was younger however I think I’ve developed so much and I don’t feel restrained when I’m speaking which is amazing.

K: Have you listened to Värvet before? B: A little yet I don’t listen a lot on radio. You do podcasts as well right? K: This is a podcast. B: See, I can’t tell.

K: I usually got more time to interview my guests so let’s get to it. You’re Pennywise in IT, this might sound odd, but is Pennywise a main character? B: Ehm.. I wouldn’t say that. I am the titel roll, but the shark in Jaws is not the main character (In Swedish is: Hajen in Hajen.) K: The shark didn’t won an Oscar. B: Or the T-rex in Jurassic Park. I’m doing the iconic character but no the main.

K: Your career in America has gone by fast, how do you feel about it? B: No, I don’t know if I feel that way. The first international project I ever did was Hemlock Grove over five years ago. I’m 27 now so five years is a pretty long period of time. I’m a whole new person now than I was back then yet I won’t be a new person in five years. The age 22-27 there’s a log going on and you develop as a human being. So my career since my first job till now have been a long one.

K: The most difficult times? B: In life or? K: These years, but yeah sure. B: I don’t know. When I first read the scrip to Hemlock Grove I loved the pilot. I thought that it would be an interesting project with a script I loved, the words were amazing and the writer whose one of my best friends today. However I didn’t know him then. Sadly I got to see what the industry can do to a project. It didn’t develop in the direction I thought it would, there was a lot of politics surrounding it. It was rather odd for me because when you work with movies or series, in Sweden you have a director who’s written the script him/herself and is fully in charge. In the end of Hemlock Groveit felt like no one or everyone were in charge. Then suddenly they changed the writer and practically everyone else before season 2-3. It went from a character I loved to someone who said things I didn’t like and the story was not what I expected. The last year in Toronto with a temperature about 20 below zero. I’ve never faced such a chilly climate and I’m from Stockholm, however then it felt like my character where in the hands of others. As the result of that I lived a very destructive life with Landon who also starring in Hemlock Grove.

K: You’ve said that before, living destructively, what do you mean? Drugs and alcohol? B: Well, the destructive part is that you don’t care for yourself. Some people might never leave the bed but I’m not like that. I got myself into destructive relationships in one way or another. I wouldn’t call it depression since it’s something completely different and way more serious. Maybe more aggression. Yet when I look back those years were very formative for me. I got a lot of experience about the industry, everything behind it, politics and how I react to it. I wouldn’t change it for anything. K: Yet you’re not proud of the outcome of the product? B: People like the series and it got some charm to it. A few things are nice yet for me it’s more about my own personal journey. The series were based on a book I liked, then people who shouldn’t be involved with the creative process joined the production. K: Then you shouldn’t work with advertising, that happens everyday. B: I can see that. K: You said you didn’t do anything else after that for about six months. B: Correct. K: How do you feel about that? B: I don’t know. As an actor you get a lot of free time, between jobs you’re unemployed. I like free time when you got a job but I dislike being unemployed since I don’t know when or if I’m getting my next job. It’s rather stressful.

K: How do you deal with that? B: I don’t know. I’m trying to keep myself occupied, trying to develop my own things. K: Are you writing something on your own? B: Yes, I’ve started recently since I find it rather intriguing. I don’t like the passiveness in being an actor, you always rely on other people thing about you. It makes you feel helpless which I don’t like. That’s why I want to create things on my own. Now I need to find a script I like, then I have to fit to the script to get a chance to go to an audition so I can try to convince them that I can do it. K: Can you say anything about what you’re writing? B: Yes, I’m writing a script to a short film. I’m taking small steps to get to where I want in the future, to direct as well. K: I wanted to avoid to talk about your family, however it feel like you’re the only one doing that out of everyone whose acting. B: No, Gustaf and Alexander has written and even directed a few things. K: Oh sorry for my lack of information. B: Everyone has different needs. My father has never directed even if I think he would be amazing at doing so but he doesn’t have that need.

K: You’re literally the it actor now. How do you managing with that? B: I’ve got one agent and manager in the US. They are very good at doing business over there. I only pay my agents when I’ve been given a job. They are extremely good at their job, woking to get the job, build an interest around me, making sure that job open other doors to more interesting productions for me. K: What are you aiming for? B: I want my acting to become something I can work with my whole life. I don’t want to end up at Marvel, DC or the other popcorn movies. I don’t have an interest in that. I want to establish myself, work with interesting and inspiring parts. What’s motivating me is opening new doors and meet new people.

K: Are you allowed to tell what you earn with a movie like IT? B: Ehm no… Well I’m allowed to but I don’t like to talk about it.

K: I have to say that I know a certain child who accidentally stumbled upon the IT trailer which has given me a few sleepless nights. B: And how did this certain someone see it? K: On YouTube. B: Did you show it? K: No, he/she found it. B: You have to be careful. You can say you’ve met me and that it’s not real. K: Before he/she went to bed I said that IT lives in the US and that it’s not real before asking what sounded more reliable and got the answer that it wasn’t real. B: That’s good.

K: We talked about language. I think its difficult to tell when for example Swedish shines through in the accent, it only happens a few times that I notice it. Is it easier to act on English in productions? Now since you gotten more used to the language. B: First of all it’s more difficult to act when you don’t fully master the language. I will never be able to speak a language as good as the one with the language as their mother tongue. In Swedish you can quickly hear when it’s false or if it sounds strange, stressed words. The better you master a language the better you are able to deliver the lines. Yet you can deliver a line perfectly however the melody or how you say it can destroy it. Sometimes when people from english speaking countries watch Swedish movies they can say ”That was a good actor,” because they can see the feeling behind the lines they don’t understan. K: Maybe that’s why Wallander has reached such success internationally even if Krister Henriksson isn’t proud over the movies.

K: What are you doing at the moment? B: Filming for Hulu. I don’t think we got Hulu in sweden, the big companies are Netflix, Amazon and Hulu and probably in that order as well. Hulu made The Handmaiden’s Tale which was viewable on HBO Nordic. However the series is called Castle Black and Stephen King is exclusive producer. K: He likes you. B: *Laughs* At least the ones behind the project likes me. However Castle Black is a city that’s reoccurring in King’s books. I’m not allowed to say anything yet there’s a new story in each season and I’m in the first one. I’m leaving on Monday for Boston. It’s a fun, interesting character and different from what I’ve done before but it’s still a scary theme. K: Typecasting, does that ever worry you? B: I don’t know. I think as an actor you need to work against your type, making sure you’re not working with the same thing over and over, to get new challenges. With that said I like dark characters, stories which I have nothing against. It inspires me.

K: Have you met Stephen King? B: No. K: I saw an interview with him where he says that he liked you as IT. B: Yes, he likes the movie which it rather unusual since he’s rather difficult to impress. If he likes something, he will say it. If he doesn’t like something he will say it. But for him to say that he likes it means very much for everyone involved.

K: In previous interviews you’ve said that you don’t have a home. Do you? B: No. K: What do you want right now? B: My girlfriend and I are looking for places in Stockholm right now even if I probably won’t be there as much. I don’t own anything and I never had so it’s about time. Stockholm will always be my home even if I live somewhere else.

K: Do you want to recommend something? B: I’ve been listening to Sam Harris podcast named The Waking Up Call. There are interesting guests and you will enjoy it if you like politics, science and essential issues. I don’t agree with everything he says but there are good discussions. K: Who do you think I should interview on Värvet? B: I’m not good at this… I don’t know. K: It’s okay, I need to take a picture with you know before time is up. Thank you so much for this interview.

I translated this interview/podcast rather quickly. I tried to pick up everything. Hopefully you’ll enjoy it, english is not my native language so I apologize for any grammatical errors. I’ve never done this before either!

ccc.

1. Favorite childhood book? >> (Three hundred surveys posted to this blog, wow. --I mean, over the course of nearly a decade I’ve probably filled out at least ten thousand, but.) I think that distinction would have to go to The Phantom Tollbooth. It’s one of the only books I remember owning, probably because I’d paged through it so many times. I also modified all the illustrations with pen so that Milo looked like a woman. 2. What are you reading right now? >> Condensed Chaos by Phil Hine -- more like limping through it, because I stopped setting aside time specifically for reading so I just end up grabbing a half a chapter here and there. I’ll have to do something about that. I’d started The Poisonwood Bible a while ago, too, but I keep forgetting to continue it. 3. What books do you have on request at the library? >> I rarely borrow books from the library unless they’re e-books because of my tendency to have to repeatedly renew and eventually take it back before I’m finished because I ran out of renews. 4. Bad book habit? >> Not reading. 5. What do you currently have checked out at the library? >> I don’t, for the reasons stated above. But for all the shit I talk about Grand Rapids, it has a lovely main branch, so I’ll probably end up stopping in again soon, maybe spending a few hours there for a change of scenery.

6. Do you have an e-reader? >> I have a phone, which functions as my e-reader. I also have a Kindle, but between its wack amount of storage space and its quick-draining battery, it’s been relegated to the position of glorified mousepad at this point. (It’s too bad, because I like the screen size.) 7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once? >> Two or three at once. I think it’s interesting to see if/how they subconsciously weave themselves together in my imagination, even if -- especially if -- they’re about completely unrelated things. 8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? >> It’s the internet in general that interferes with my reading habits, not just tumblr, but tumblr obviously plays a part. 9. Least favorite book you read this year (so far?) >> I quit on Cormac McCarthy’s The Road like 10 pages in, and I don’t usually do that but for some reason I got bored really quickly and couldn’t see the point in pushing through. That’s not a total vote in its disfavour because I didn’t actually form a full opinion. Sometimes I just pick up a book at the wrong time and have to wait until I reach the point in my life when I’ll need it. I’ll probably try again in a couple of years. 10. Favorite book you’ve read this year? >> I really enjoyed Reincarnation Blues, I thought it was an amazing story. I also got a lot out of M. K. Asante Jr’s It’s Bigger Than Hip Hop. When the Stars Are Right by Scott R Jones was fascinating as hell, and then of course there was my long-overdue (or maybe right-on-time, considering...) American Gods reread... 11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone? >> Occasionally. The thing is, there are so many books in my comfort zone that I want to read... 12. What is your reading comfort zone? >> I don’t know if it’s quantifiable. I like a lot of different kinds of books. I usually know within 10-15 pages of a book if I’m going to like it or not -- I try not to judge books by their covers, but I definitely judge them by their first chapter. 13. Can you read on the bus? >> Sometimes, but I generally prefer to listen to music and look out the window.

14. Favorite place to read? >> In bed. 15. What is your policy on book lending? >> I’ll give books away. Just take it, read it. Pay it forward. I don’t like to hoard books. 16. Do you ever dog-ear books? >> Hell yes, I do. They’re not a sacred object to me; their contents may well be sacred, but their contents already exist in me because I ate them.  17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books? >> Nah. 18. Not even with text books? >> I don’t use textbooks. 19. What is your favorite language to read in? >> I can only read in English. 20. What makes you love a book? >> It’s a very visceral and subconscious thing, and it’s not dependent on genre or the politics of the author or any of that as much as it’s dependent on who I am at that moment in time, what story I need to hear, and how lovingly the author told it. That sounds like it only applies to fiction books, but it really doesn’t.  21. What will inspire you to recommend a book? >> Some level of understanding of the person I’m recommending it to. 22. Favorite genre? >> I don’t know, honestly. 23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?) >> I wish I read more science fiction. The thing is, most of the scifi stories I love I kind of stumbled into accidentally. Whenever I go looking for scifi specifically, I run into a lot of duds (not that they’re badly written or anything, just that they’re bad for me). I’m going to try Philip K Dick soon and I hope that works out okay. 24. Favorite biography? >> I don’t have one. 25. Have you ever read a self-help book? >> Sure, but I don’t make a habit of it.

26. Favorite cookbook? >> I don’t have one. Well, okay, Feeding Hannibal is pretty cool, ngl, but mostly for the information rather than the actual recipes. We can’t afford to (or don’t have the room/appliances to) make most of that stuff. 27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)? >> Definitely American Gods, but that’s a hard-to-explain thing, lol. The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are is a good runner-up, because as far as inspiration is concerned, Alan Watts probably had more than his fair share of it. (Do comic books count, because if so I’d like to also add in Promethea.) 28. Favorite reading snack? >> Alcohol. (But also anything I can eat with one hand, or doesn’t require a lot of, like, attention.) 29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience. >> I don’t think that’s ever happened. 30. How often do you agree with critics about a book? >> I don’t read critic reviews often enough to know what the ratio of agreement to disagreement would even be like. 31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews? >> A negative review is just as valuable as a positive review. I’d prefer people not be nasty in their negative reviews, but like... I also don’t have to read their review if I don’t like it. It’s not that big of a deal to me. 32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose? >> Russian, probably. I imagine untranslated Russian lit would be amazing to read. 33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read? >> And actually finished? Ha! Let’s see... as far as length, I’d probably pick whatever the longest Stephen King book that I’ve read is. (He meanders, man. He fucking meanders. It’s great, but dear god.) As far as content, I’m probably gonna go with Atlas Shrugged. For, I mean, obvious reasons, really. 34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin? >> That doesn’t really happen to me. If I want to read something, I’ll start reading it. If it proves prohibitive to my limited ability to understand shit, then I’ll put it down and move on. 35. Favorite poet? >> I don’t have one. 36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time? >> Zero. When I do check out from the library, I stick to three books max. 37. How often have you returned book to the library unread? >> Quite often. Usually because I ran out of time. 38. Favorite fictional character? >> YEAH, OKAY. 39. Favorite fictional villain? >> Actually that is almost impossible for me to determine because I don’t even put the “villain” flag on characters unless it’s super fucking obvious (like in a comic book) that they’re supposed to be the Token Bad Guy. I just don’t even think in those terms. -- Now that I say that, though, I remembered that Stephen King characters are written very polarised despite my personal interpretations of them, so I suppose my favourite villain is Walter O’Dim. 40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually have time to read on vacation. Unless it’s on the plane or something, in which case I just bring whatever I happen to be reading at the time. It’s usually on my phone, anyway. 41. The longest I’ve gone without reading. >> I mean, I don’t go a day without reading something, even if it’s just articles I saw on my facebook feed. 42. Name a book that you could/would not finish. >> Fifty Shades of Grey. (I did try. I wrote detailed posts about my thoughts during my attempt to read it. They’re still on my old blog.) 43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading? >> Everything. It’s just hard for me to turn the “noise” (literal and figurative noise) of the world off in general, which is why I like it quiet when I’m trying to focus. 44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel? >> Well, LOTR. I was going to say Predestination but All You Zombies isn’t a novel. Uhh.... :/ 45. Most disappointing film adaptation? >> Good god, so many. 46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time? >> Around $100, I guess. I don’t have much money in general so I try to just... avoid bookstores. 47. How often do you skim a book before reading it? >> I don’t. The first-chapter test usually works just fine. 48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through? >> Boredom. 49. Do you like to keep your books organized? >> Well, we don’t own enough for a complex system to be required. 50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them? >> I really prefer to give them away. It’s just... I’m not a hoarder (I don’t even mean that in the negative sense, I just mean I don’t like hanging onto stuff I’m not actively using). I spent just about all of my adult life up until 2 years ago homeless or some version of transient and having to be ruthlessly exacting about how many belongings I had at any given time really changed the way my brain works regarding material items. I love being able to own things now, but it’s... hard to enjoy having too many objects. I get tetchy. It feels inorganic. Maybe that’ll change in the future (these things often do), but for now owning more than 20 or so books feels like an overindulgence. 51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding? >> I don’t think so. 52. Name a book that made you angry. >> I can’t think of one right now. 53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did? >> The Fountainhead. Any Rand book, actually, because Vlad couldn’t stand her and we had such similar tastes in media that I figured I wouldn’t either. But the immense amount of annoying peer pressure from Sigma eventually got me to pick it up just to get them off my back, and..... well, the rest is hilarious “I’m in love with a crazy Russian woman who makes me want to yell at her constantly” history. 54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t? >> I don’t know. That doesn’t happen very often. 55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading? >> All of it? I don’t feel guilty about anything I read.

A Lesson in Trust

Fandom: Hetalia

Pairing: LietPol

Genre: Romance/Friendship

Rating: K+

Chapter: 1

Word Count: 3920

Summary: As Lithuania and Poland prepare for their upcoming battle with the Teutonic Knights, they must face their fears and learn to rely on one another. 

Read on: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12542031/1/The-Commonwealth-Chronicles

Poland watched as Lithuania paced back and forth anxiously, trying to think of a plan. They were preparing to fight the Teutonic Knights very soon, but Poland himself wasn't worried. The Knights might have been strong, but they were also impulsive. Their personification was well known for charging into battle without thinking it through first. The blonde leaned back in his chair, arms crossed behind his head, watching his partner in slight amusement. The brunet was acting like it was his first battle or something. He really needed to learn to relax once in awhile.

"Hey Liet, look at what I can do," called out Poland, as he picked up a book off the table he was sitting at and started spinning it around his finger. He managed to do it for about three whole seconds before losing control and hitting himself in the face.

Lithuania sighed. "Poland, please take this seriously, this is no time for fun and games!"

While clutching his now bruised cheek in his hand, Poland let out a small chuckle. "Relax Liet, we're going to be fine. It's two against one, remember?"

"Maybe so, but the one we're against is not a force to be taken lightly. Their army is powerful, and their personification is one of the most stubborn people I've ever met." Lithuania grimaced, no doubt thinking of those years where the Knights relentlessly tried to force him to convert to Christianity.

"Liet, you totally need to calm down. We're not going to get anywhere if you get all panicky on me."

Lithuania sighed. "You're right, we need to think this through rationally. But, we need to both stay focused on the matter at hand." He gave the Polish man a pointed look.

"Of course I'm right, Liet. Aren't I always?" Poland answered back with a cocky grin, trying to get his partner to loosen up.

Lithuania ignored his comment. "It's just…it's hard, you know? I care for my people so much, I couldn't stand to watch them get killed if I know I can do something about it. Every time I think about fighting the Teutonic Knights, I see our lands being pillaged, my people being murdered before my very eyes. Men, women, even children... This isn't my first battle, Po, and neither is it yours. We both know what happens to those who lose…"

"Liet, you're shaking."

"I-I am?"

"Here, sit down." Poland got up from his seat and forced Lithuania into the chair next to him. The taller man could so easily let himself fall into a panic during stressful situations, Poland had soon figured out. Their alliance was still fairly new, but something about the nervous country fascinated the Polish man. He remembered before they met, when his former advisors would warn him about strangers- how they would take advantage of him without a second thought if he let them get too close. Their warnings scared him, but he was glad he had given Lithuania a chance, regardless. It was so much better having another country around to talk to.

Poland smiled, laid the brunet's head in his lap, and started stroking his hair, a tactic he had used several times in the past. It was a tactic proven to be fairly successful. Lithuania's cheeks turned red as he mumbled under his breath that such contact wasn't appropriate, but Poland could feel his body relax despite his protests.

"Now listen here Liet, you are a totally fantastic fighter, and unlike that brute, you actually have a brain in your head. Not to mention that you've got me, of course." Poland grinned. "So don't worry so much, we'll totally kick his ass so hard his dad will feel it!"

"That's impossible, Poland. Germania is dead," Lithuania reminded the blonde.

Poland rolled his eyes. As awesome as his ally was, he had the sense of humor of a wet blanket.

"I didn't mean he'd literally feel it Liet," Poland sighed. "It was supposed to be a joke."

"Oh," Lithuania blushed. "Sorry."

"Anyway," Poland started, getting back to the issue at hand, "We don't have to worry so much, because the Teutonic Knights know that we haven't been allies for very long, so they will probably try to pick us off separately. And if I know anything about the Knights, they will be cocky enough to think their plan will go off without a hitch and the battle will be an easy win for them. So when we show up, your army beside mine, completely and totally united, we'll blindside them!"

Lithuania's eyes widened a little in realization. "Hey, you know you're probably right about that. They'll probably try to separate us from each other."

"Exactly!" Poland agreed. "So, as long as we stay together it will be two against one, and we'll totally come out on top!"

"Actually, that gives me an idea," said Lithuania. "What if we did split up, just like they'll want us to?"

"...Where are you going with this, Liet?" Poland narrowed his eyes.

"It will be just a ruse," Lithuania explained. "If the Teutonic Knights get the upper hand on us, one of us could pretend to retreat, and abandon the other and their army. The Teutonic Knights will lay down their guard, and when they least expect it, the one who retreated will attack them from behind, ensuring our victory."

Poland looked back at the brunet with wide, surprised eyes. "Wow, Liet, I never expected you to come up with something so… devious. That plan of yours just might work."

Lithuania blushed at the complement. "Well, I… I normally wouldn't approve of doing something so underhanded… but our people's lives are in danger if we don't win, and we can't guarantee that the Knights won't try to pull any tricks on us. So, I think it's better to be safe than sorry."

Poland continued to grin at his partner. It seemed like his way of thinking was finally starting to rub off on the brunet.

"Of course, we'll need to get approval from the king and my grand duke first before we put the plan into action." Lithuania added.

"True," Poland agreed. "I don't think they'll have an issue with it, though. We can ask to meet with them later tonight."

"Alright," smiled Lithuania. "Sounds like a plan."

As the two nations recited their plan to their leaders, they both listened intently to their ideas, and remained silent until they were finished.

"Well," started Vytautas, Lithuania's grand duke, "I like it. I think this could bring down the Teutonic Knights for good. You were the one who came up with this, Lithuania?"

"Well, Poland did help me a bit, but yes."

"Excellent job, I knew I always liked you." he grinned. Lithuania blushed.

Wladyslaw, Poland's king, nodded in approval. "I agree, this plan could potentially win us not only the battle, but the war as well. But," he added "We must be careful about this, there are many things that can go wrong in the heat of battle, and this sounds particularly risky. Have you two discussed who will be the one to fake retreat?"

"Well," Lithuania began. "We thought it would be best to talk it out with you two before discussing the details."

"I think Lithuania and our army should be the one who fakes retreat," stated Vytautas. "He was the one who came up with the plan, not to mention that our army is bigger and Lithuania here is the better fighter of the two, so we stand the better chance of ambushing and defeating the Knights."

"Hey! I'm like a totally awesome fighter! Me and my army could easily save yours any day…"

"Poland, that's enough," warned the king, glaring at the blond nation. Knowing that his king would not tolerate anymore backtalk, he reluctantly kept his mouth closed and folded his arms across his chest.

"Hmph," he glared at the grand duke.

The Polish king looked at his country wearily for a second before responding. "I'm not sure if that's the best idea, Vytautas. Like you mentioned, our army isn't as big as yours, so if for some reason you were unable to get to us in time, we would be decimated."

"Trust me, your Highness. We will be back in time, I promise you. Lithuania is one of the most dependable people I have ever met."

"I don't question Lithuania's capabilities, you know that. But it is still risky…"

The Grand Duke looked the king straight in the eye. "This is the only way to win the war. The attacks from the Teutonic Knights have taken their toll on our people and our land. This is the best choice for us all."

The king let out a sigh. "Poland, Lithuania, what do you two think?"

The brunet gave his partner a hesitant look. "I'm okay with it as long as Poland is, your Highness."

"And you?" the king asked, turning to his nation.

Poland looked back at the three people staring at him, waiting for his decision. If he was being honest with himself, the idea of being left alone on the battlefield, even if it was only temporary, filled him with dread. He cared about Lithuania, loved him even, and he did trust him… but his former advisors’ voice replayed in his mind at the thought of putting his life in the hands of someone else."Trusting another country, opening up to them and letting them into your heart, is like drinking poison. Nations are only out for themselves, and they will betray you in a heartbeat if they can gain something from it."

He knew they were wrong, at least about Lithuania. He was the kindest, most loyal person he had ever met. His old advisors refused to trust anyone, never willing to take that risk, even at the expense of gaining allies. He knew this, but still, he couldn't completely disregard their warnings.

"I-I don't know," he stuttered. "Can I have a while to think it over?"

The grand duke let out a sigh. "We need to start preparing now! The Knights will be attacking any day…"

"B-but!" he protested. He turned to his king and gave him a pleading look, hoping to buy some time.

"You will have until tomorrow morning to decide. Otherwise, we will go on with the plan," the king offered.

Poland let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

It was now nighttime, and Poland was still trying to decide the best course of action. He was sitting at a small wooden table that was only a few feet away from the bed he and Lithuania shared, drawing a picture of his favorite mythical creature, the phoenix. Drawing was a form of escape for him, a way he could shut out the world and concentrate on one specific task that he had complete control over.

"Are you still awake?" called a quiet voice from behind him. Lithuania was sitting up in bed, trying to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes.

"Did the candle light wake you up?" Poland asked. Lithuania smiled and shook his head.

"No more than the last hundred times." They both chuckled at the statement. It was no secret Poland wasn't one to subscribe to the whole "sleep at night, work during the day" idea everyone else did.

Lithuania moved over to sit beside his partner. "Are you still thinking about the battle?"

"Yeah," Poland sighed. "I don't know what to do. If I back out, our bosses will totally never let me hear the end of it. I don't want to disappoint them, but...I'm afraid, Liet."

Lithuania looked back in concern. "What are you afraid of, Po? Don't worry about me not getting there on time, I will make sure nothing bad happens to you."

Poland looked down at his picture, unable to make eye contact with the brunet. "It's just...no, nevermind, it's stupid."

"What is it, Poland? You can tell me anything, you know. I promise I won't think it's stupid."

"Well," Poland started. "What if you, y'know...accidentally forgot to come back at all?"

Lithuania widened his eyes. "Poland… I would never abandon you. I swore on my honor that I would stay and fight by your side, as your partner. I would never go back on such a promise."

Poland felt his cheeks getting warm. "I-It's not that I don't trust you, Liet, it's just that… nations betray each other every day, at least that's what I’ve always been told, and… I don't want you to leave me."

"Oh Poland," Lithuania's expression immediately softened, and he sat up to embrace the blond. "That will never happen, I promise you. I will stand by your side as long as you stand by mine."

"Really? Even though I get distracted sometimes and wake you up at night and your people could get hurt and die…"

"Yes, really. I love my people, and I want them to be safe. But they want this, Poland. They want to be free as much as we want it, maybe even more. Besides, what sort of example would I be setting to them if I betrayed the one I swore my life to?"

Poland lifted his head to meet the Lithuanian's blue-green eyes, and saw nothing but kindness and sincerity. He felt his chest grow warm the same way it did whenever be looked at the brunet.

"Here," the Lithuanian stood up and grabbed something from under his pillow. It was a tiny yet thick book that felt heavier than it looked. Poland opened it and flipped through it, noticing familiar handwriting on the yellowed, worn down pages. The book itself also looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't quite place where from. He looked up at the brunet in question.

"This was the first book I ever received. You gave it to me as a gift when we first formed our alliance. You helped me learn how to read and write with it," he let out a small laugh and pointed to a messy looking scribble. "My handwriting wasn't the best back then."

Poland looked back at the Lithuanian in surprise. "I completely forgot about this! I can't believe you kept this thing."

"Of course I did," Lithuania smiled. "I wouldn't get rid of it for the world." They both looked back at each other, a slight blush on both nations' cheeks. Lithuania then grabbed the Polish man's hands and looked him straight in the eye.

"If you don't want to go through with our plan, that's fine, we can find another way. I'll even be the one to tell the king and grand duke. But I just wanted to let you know that you have me, and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

Soaking in Lithuania's presence, and feeling the weight of the book in his hands, Poland gathered up his courage and decided to take a chance by putting his trust in him.

"No, our plan is good and I think we should do it. We are partners, and I trust your judgment. I think, together, we can defeat the Teutonic Knights once and for all."

"Are you sure you want to?"

"Yes," Poland grinned. "I'm sure."

It was now a few days later, and Poland and Lithuania were in the heat of battle and losing fast. The constant onslaught of soldiers continued to come after the two nations, and they were both covered in cuts and bruises. They had lost a significant portion of their men, and were desperately trying to keep from losing anymore. Poland saw a soldier come from the side, sword raised above his head, and quickly blocked the attack, stabbing the man so he fell to the ground. He wiped his brow and was unsurprised to see blood.

Before Poland even got a chance to take a breath, he heard Lithuania scream, "Watch out Poland!" The blond turned around, and sure enough another soldier was trying to attack him from behind. As fast as he could, he turned his horse around and slashed out at his attacker, causing him to hesitate for a second, before stabbing him directly in the chest.

Poland took a deep breath, knowing that he and Lithuania had to enact his plan now to keep anymore of their soldiers from dying. After checking his surroundings to make sure he was not about to be immediately attacked again, he made eye contact with Lithuania and gave him the signal to retreat.

After noticing the signal, Lithuania gave the Polish man a nod, and yelled at his men to retreat. As the Lithuanian army ran off the battlefield, leaving their Polish allies behind, there was much confusion and fearful shouting from Poland's soldiers.

"Wait!"

"Hey, you!"

"Come back, cowards! Don't leave us here!"

In the end, Poland and his king decided to keep all of their soldiers aside from a few high-ranking individuals in the dark about the plan, so the retreat would seem more realistic to the Teutonic Knights. Though Poland was starting to question his decision now, hearing the anger and fear in their voices.

"Haha, your friend ran off on you." Right on cue, the personification of the Teutonic Knights let out a mocking laugh. He sauntered off to the other side of the battlefield, until he was a few feet in front of the Polish man. "Too bad for him, my people are after him. Now drop your sword and I'll send you to him." The Knight lifted his own sword and pointed it at Poland.

Despite himself, Poland felt a tightness in his chest. He knew Lithuania was a strong fighter, but he still worried for his safety, as well as his own. Even if the Teutonic Knights didn't seriously hurt him, what if they distracted him long enough to where Liet was too late to save him?

The Polish man did his best to put these worries aside and looked straight at his enemy.

"God, you're like a total big mouth! I can handle this myself…"

"I SAID DROP YOUR SWORD!" the personification screamed out, making Poland jump back a bit despite himself. "DROP IT, SWINE!"

Reluctantly, the blond let his sword fall to the ground, dropped to his knees, and held up his hands in surrender.

"Haha, what's this?" the Knight sneered. "I didn't think you'd be this smart."

The Polish man kept his eyes narrowed to the ground, refusing to look up. God, he hated this! He hated surrendering, especially to that obnoxious man, even if he was faking it. It was completely and utterly humiliating.

"Get along with your buddy with that stupid face on the other side," the personification mocked, raising his sword above his head. "See ya."

The nation started to swing his sword down on the blond's head. Poland held his breath and closed his eyes, willing himself to stay strong. Come on, Liet, he thought. This is your cue to step up…

And just like that, he heard Lithuania crash into his would-be executioner. Poland opened his eyes and saw his beautiful, totally amazing partner holding a knife to the enemy's throat.

"You're totally late," the Polish man teased his partner, taking immense joy in watching the Teutonic Knight squirm.

"Wh- D-didn't you run away?" he spluttered out. Then suddenly, realization came over his face. "C-could it be that you...pretended to run away?"

"This is the battlefield! You should have been alert no matter how much you appeared to have the upper hand!" Lithuania exclaimed. "Have you been so blinded by desire and lost what it takes to be knights?"

"W-what are you- let go of me!" exclaimed the Teutonic Knight.

"Do you surrender?" Lithuania asked. The personification opened his mouth, most likely to tell the brunet to take his surrender and shove it up where the sun doesn't shine, when a bone chilling scream could be heard from behind. The Knight turned around and watched as one of his soldiers, who couldn't have been more than sixteen, had a sword rammed through his chest by a Lithuanian soldier and fell to his knees, vomiting blood. Both the Knight and Lithuania paled at the gory scene, and even Poland felt a little sick to his stomach.

"Yeah, I surrender," the personification mumbled. Lithuania let go of the other nation, but kept his weapon raised just in case he decided to attack again. The personification turned towards his adversaries.

"This isn't over, not by a long shot. We will be back, and you will wish you never messed with the Teutonic Knights!" he exclaimed. "That little trick of yours will not work a second time."

"Oh please," Poland snorted. "We could throw a blanket over your head and trick you into believing it was night." It might have just been his imagination, but Poland could've sworn he heard Lithuania let out a snort.

The Knight smirked. "You're Poland, right? I remember you from when we were kids. The first time I saw you, I thought you were a girl. I see that not much has changed." The personification looked the blond up and down. "Hell, you're even playing the role of damsel in distress now. And to a pagan no less!" The Knight gestured to Lithuania, who visibly bristled.

"Oh, will you shut up about that already! He's not even pagan anymore." Poland exclaimed. "You don't even care about that, you just want an excuse to take our land! Well guess what, you ain't getting it!"

The smirk on the Knight's face turned to a scowl.

"We'll see about that when you two become my underlings!" the personification exclaimed. He turned around and started to retreat when he turned back and looked Poland straight in the eye.

"It was a mistake allying yourself with a heathen. When you become mine, I will not forget that." And with that, he took off.

Lithuania and Poland continued to stare out at the horizon, watching the nation and his army retreat, and making sure they didn't do...well, exactly what they did to them. Once they were sure the Knights were gone for good, the two nations met each other's eyes.

"We really did it, didn't we?" Lithuania asked.

"Yeah, we really did. We won!" the little blond nation was unable to keep the grin off of his face. The brunet gave him a breathtaking smile in return and Poland felt like his heart was about to explode.

Lithuania took his partner's hands into his, rubbing circles into his palm with his thumb. "I'm so sorry I was late, Po. I would have gotten back sooner if we hadn't run into more soldiers."

"Well, Liet," Poland responded, a smirk evident in his tone, "I suppose I can forgive you this time, since you did save my life and junk. But, you're totally going to have to make it up to me later tonight. Y'know, when we're alone."

Lithuania's cheeks turned bright red at the suggestion. "I-I suppose that can be arranged."

And so, they both started to make their way back home, Lithuania relieved that he was able to save his partner in time, and Poland knowing that just because he was a nation, didn't mean he had to be alone.

Spontaneous Combustion

Title: Spontaneous Combustion Author: totalfanfreak Rating: Content is K+, T for language Prompt/Summary:  Main Character(s): Spencer Reid/ Reader Trigger Warning: None I am aware Word Count: 1500 Beta/Editor: Me Multishot: Probably not Author’s Notes: mentions of anxiety and Asperger’s Morgan arc spoilers?: No

“Spontaneous insanity is the real bliss! It’s sad that we are honored for playing sane, serious, safe, miserable and controlling in this poor world.”  ― Saurabh Sharma

You huffed as you gathered your things from security, you were already cursing yourself from being late, but you couldn’t really be mad since you had decided to come on a whim. Still, you were going to enter the room, and people were going to turn and look due to the interruption.

Doesn’t matter.

It didn’t matter, it was a common occurrence and you would deal with it. You had been stuck in your cave of an office for far too long, and now, looking back, it was sad, you had remained hidden for far too long and it was time to stop. So starting today you declared you were going to be more daring, spontaneous, which was why you were here at a book signing luncheon instead of your usual food truck. Yeah, it didn’t sound too adventurous, but the guest speakers beside the author were actual FBI agents. That was pretty freakin’ wild in itself. Taking a deep breath, you jammed a hand in your pocket, ready to count the items within, in case the attention made you anxious. Opening the door as quietly as you could you had no worries, whoever was at the podium had everyone’s eyes on them. And from the stuttering and microphone blare you understood why.

“H-hi, I a-am here today to talk to you about different paraphilia and how they relate to violent crimes. Can anyone tell me what dendrophilia is?”

Gif by criminalmindsmanic

Where a guy wants to screw a trees and shrubs.

“T-that’s right…a fetish for trees.”

You smiled, you liked him, the way he stuttered. He was a mess up there, but he was real. He wasn’t bad to look at either, though you didn’t know how he’s viewpoint on you would be. But you were here to do something different, and what was the worst that could happen? You’d try to talk to him and he’d say no? The thought of the rejection caused your heart to speed up, yeah, you liked solitude and yeah, you were awkward in speaking, but no one liked the brush off. But you had to say the hell with it, you’d count everything in your pocket and bag but you were tired of living in a shell.

Watching the man stumble and nearly face plant off the step, losing his papers in the process, you went to wait outside, you could at least say hello, and that you enjoyed his lecture. You could, you would, you’d scream later. And you’d cry if you wussed out so you were doing it. Trying to rev yourself up you went to get some water and sit on the bench in the lobby.

Your leg wouldn’t stop jittering, it was like it had a mind of its own right now. You closed your eyes and tried to take in the smells. Some places could overwhelm you, the overuse of perfume, hints of makeup and aftershave, leftover foods and the smell of gas from the cars outside, a lot could turn up your nose. But in here, there a subtlety to the smells, it was clean, with the scent of new clothing and pine needles, the actual kind of pine needles not artificial spray that would have you sneezing, and there was the unmistakable whiff of vanilla and you knew there had to be cupcakes or something nearby.

The banging of the double doors brought you back with a jump, and you were startled to see the reason for your lingering coming through them. Making your wobbly legs lift you up, you counted the coins in your pocket before heading in his direction.

“Um, Dr. R-reid?”

The man turned to look at you in surprise, obviously in his own world as well. You blushed now that his eyes were turned on you, taking note that they were a very nice shade of brown, matching the cropped hair, and jacket. Okay, stop.

“I wanted to say you were very good up there.”

His mouth quirked. “Thanks, it’s not very true, I was a disaster, but it’s very much appreciated.”

“You were a disaster because you were a human being up there?”

Oh, shit. Your mouth filter had broken for a second, and you saw his brows lift, oh, God, Y/N, you have to follow it up now.

“I mean that it’s natural to fumble a little bit, I…I would’ve been terrified up there, probably would’ve gotten sick on everyone.”

Like now, the acid in your stomach was bubbling rapidly, and you wanted to cover your mouth with your shirt.

“Thanks but I think you could probably handle it better than you think.”

“Thank you, uh, I liked the paraphilia, I may have a new list to go over now.”

“You like lists?”

“Yeah, I’m kind of weird that way.”

“It’s not weird at all!”

His jubilant tone had your eyes widen and you took a step back, though a smile came across your face.

“Sorry, I’m a tad weird too. Overly so, if you ask my friends.”

“I’m glad…I mean, I wouldn’t have had the courage to talk to you if you weren’t a little odd.”

He cocked his head. “Why not?”

“Come on, I told you I’m weird, it’ll be kind of obvious if you stand with me long enough. Not to mention the fact you’re in the FBI, us small town folk can’t compete.”

You meant it as a joke but from his change in expression you knew he didn’t take it like that.

“I would’ve talked to you regardless.”

“I’m sorry, I meant it to be –“

“I know, damn, I’m sorry I cut you off. I do that too much too.”

“It’s okay, so do I.”

“May I ask what it is you do, Miss Small Town?”

You face became even more red. “I’m a developer on the main floor plans at CyberKinetics.”

His brows rose to his hairline. “CyberKinetics? Aren’t you guys making smart sensors for artificial limbs?”

“It’s in the middle stages, yeah, we, um, with 3D printing and everything on the rise, we’re hoping we’ll be able to come out with prototypes by next fall.”

You could tell he was excited. “Weren’t you able to make a prototype of a hand for a veteran? It said in the article you were able to link it with the nerve endings and they could control it and feel it just as effectively as their actual limb.”

Yep, shirt collar over face now. You were having to hold your hands down, all the attention was becoming too much. “Yeah, but the chip inside went out in less than a month, we want something to last, not something that will need charging or a new chip implanted in it.”

“I understand, you want it to be as natural as possible.”

“Yeah, I’m saying that a lot sorry. I’m also not as big in the project as you’re thinking, I’m just an outliner, I stay in my office most days and everyone else actually tries to use and demonstrate the findings.”

“It’s a bigger job than you think; you’re going to change the world.”

You were tugging your collar with a hand. “A small footprint in the sand, what about you? You get to change the world all the time.”

“I guess my footprints are small too, it takes many feet to make a difference…that sounded cheesy didn’t it?”

You shrugged. “Probably, but I love cheese so…”

You tittered on your feet before your eyes darted back to his. “Look, I don’t do this, I’m not one for this but, uh, I know you probably need to be somewhere soon, but –“

You rummaged in your pocket before your fingers hit the edge of your card. “Um, if you ever wanted to go over lists, I’m more into phobias now, but we could always compare that to the different philias if you wanted. I just –“

“I’d love to, um, I mean, we could go now if you wanted.”

The hope in his eyes and the way his own hands fidgeted made your breath catch. “Now? Y-you don’t have to help sign books or something?”

He shook his head smiling. “Nope, I have to tell my colleague where I’m going so she won’t worry, but then I’m all yours.”

All mine?

He seemed to catch his words too, the tips of his ears beginning to scald.

“Do you like coffee? I, um, I like books and coffee and the library close to hear has a great selection of both if you want to that is.”

He grinned. “I adore both those things, Y/N.”

Your eyes widened. “I didn’t give you my name did I?”

He flashed the card. “It’s okay. I haven’t given you mine either. I prefer Spencer to Dr. Reid.”

You nodded, a smile playing on your lips. “Okay, Spencer I’ll be right here.”

“I won’t be far she’s talking to some people over there.”

You watched him sprint with his bag bobbing to the woman that was seated on stage with him. She was beautiful, were all FBI agents good looking? Was that a criteria? Being stuck in the office with a computer all the time your friends and colleagues were used to finding you with no make-up and unkempt clothes and hair. On more than one occasion staying all night and hitting a breakthrough into the afternoon with just your pajamas on. As Spencer came back towards you, you noticed the woman was looking at you now. Your shoulders squeezed, but lessened when she smiled, giving you a small wave. You waved back.

“Ready?”

You nodded, gathering your wits and bag as he steered you out the door. You both decided on a cab, and you regretted it as soon as you sat. The close proximity was too much and you finally buried your nose in your shirt, as your hand went to your pocket.

“You cold?”

You looked to him in your peripheral vision, and shook your head.

“I’m s-sorry. I should’ve said, but I was afraid you’d say no to coming, I get nervous easily, and I –“

“It’s okay I understand, i-it’s taken me a very long time to get to this point but I still have a lot of lapses and get anxious as well. And I interrupted you again, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’ll tally them up so I know how many times I can interject you.”

He grinned, but then his face turned serious. “Would it be okay if –?”

His hand came slowly towards your face, him trying to gently tug the fabric under your lips.

“I understand if you’re too nervous too, but you do have a very lovely face.”

He was going to have to stop or your eyes would pop out.

“Thank you, so do you.”

He grinned, and as you approached the stop he got out and came to open your door.

“A s-sweet talker and a gentleman.”

He shrugged timid. “I try.”

“So coffee or books first?”

“Either sounds good.”

You usually didn’t do it, but the staff had known you for so long they wouldn’t mind you browsing the stacks with some coffee. Settling on a dark roast you put some Splenda in as he began dumping sugar into his.

“Sweet tooth?”

“Oh, yeah, you could say that, I don’t care for the bitterness so I overcompensate with sugar.”

You chanced a laugh and seeing him smile you continued. “You could always get one of those dessert coffees.”

“No, thank you, I like them sweet, not diabetic coma sweet.”

Motioning for him to follow, you both began to get lost in the labyrinth of books.

“You must be a big shot here; I’ve never been able to go around a library with a drink in my hand.”

You shrugged it off. “I used to volunteer all the time here when I was younger. They know me well enough that I’ll be careful as well as anyone I bring in. You seem like someone who respects books.”

“I do.”

“What about e-books?”

“Oh, God.”

Exasperation was in his tone and you laughed again. “Good. I love my job but I’d much rather have a physical book in my hand than a tablet.”

“I’m so glad for that, we’re becoming a rarity.”

“We are, antiques.”

You both grinned at one another, before the stare became too intense and you looked away.

“So where are we exactly?”

“In one of my favorite sections.”

Holding out a book you pointed to the label, his brow arching.

“YA? You like young adult books?”

You placed a hand on your hip in mock anger. “Oh, so because I’m past the age I cannot enjoy them?”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that –“

“Have you ever read Neal Shusterman?”

“No.”

“Here you go then. And that’s one interjection to me now.”

He scanned the book you had given him, pursing his bottom lip before going to a chair. You watched as he flipped the book open and with his index finger guiding him began to turn the pages at an alarming speed.

“Oh, you’re one of those, are you?”

“One of those?”

“A speed demon, I’ve only met a few, but they always made me look bad during the summer programs here. Like three hundred books to my seventy-five bad.”

He grinned his eyes returning to the page. “That’s still impressive.”

“Thank you. I’ll let you revel in the awesomeness in peace.”

He watched you a moment, hoping you weren’t leaving, his eyes returning to the book when you settled with one of your own opposite him. You had only gotten a few chapters into a Lemony Snicket when he closed the book.

“So?”

“That was very interesting, it was sci-fi, but also a lot of current events.”

“So is interesting good or –“

“I really liked it, there’s more too, isn’t there?”

“Yep, they’re over there, I’m sure you could knock them out before we finish our coffee, then we can get more and debate.”

He grinned. “That sounds like a plan.”

As he went to collect the remaining books his phone started to beep, and you had to force down the reprimand of having it on in a library. You knew with his kind of job it had to be on, but the habit was there. His tone was slightly annoyed and he sighed as he hung up.

“I have to go.”

“Oh.”

“I really don’t want to.”

“I understand. Do you…are you going to take the books with you, at least?”

“Yeah, yes, that’d be good, then we can debate when we go out again.”

“Again, I haven’t scared you away?”

He laughed. “Not in the slightest. We’re rarities, remember, we have to stick together.”

“I suppose we do, um, I guess –“

“What?”

“Before I lose my nerve I guess I should –“

Standing on tiptoes, you brushed your lips along his cheek, taking in the smooth, warm texture.

Blushing, you covered your mouth again. He stared at you a long moment.

“Well, before I lose my nerve…”

He tugged the material down, swooping quickly and planting a chaste kiss on your lips.

You both stared at each other, and you wondered if he’d kiss you again, hell, you were about to go in yourself. But his phone started beeping again.

“Son of a bitch!”

You giggled, causing him to smile at you. “I’ll call you as soon as I can okay?”

“Okay. Be careful. Protect those books.”

“With my life. I’ll see you soon, Y/N.”

And with one last look behind him, he was out of view. Letting you take the opportunity to collapse back in a chair before you fainted.