im sorry shadowfax is just a NORMAL FUCKING HORSE?????

listen you try being a 12 year old watching the two towers directed by peter jackson for the first time and watching gandalf--who I will remind everyone is a literal magic wizard with magic wizard powers and shit--summon a white unicorn-looking horse out of seemingly fucking nowhere and declare that horse to be lord of all horses. You try that and don't fucking assume that's a magic horse. shadowfax, 'lord of horses' and i took that LITERALLY i thought he was a sentient king of horses with authority in horse society

nah bro, he's just a horse gandalf STOLE from theoden

First Timer

Mandi looked at the store like some giant looming beast that she had to battle, never had she been to a sex shop and for good reason. The moment she even thought about sex her face flamed with heat, she was technically embarrassed.  Not because of the act of sex, but because of what she enjoyed watching.  Being only 21 and still a stupid virgin she had, one night, fell down a rabbit hole of aliens, tentacles, and ovipositors.  They only person in the whole world that knew was her best friend JJ, who was as gay and happy as a bag of sunshine and rainbows but also the biggest slut that Mandi knew.   He was the reason they were here at a place called OtherWorlds, a boutique for the weird and unusual.  But according to the website that JJ found, totally normal for people like her.  People who enjoyed the idea of monsters, suckers and knots filling up their bodies. JJ had wanted Mandi to be herself so, like a great best friend searched the world wide web and found this little nugget.  Forced her in the car and drove the three hours it took to show up.   “For fucks sake Mandi, walk in, it’s a sex shop not a fucking scorpion.  Which, by the by, I think they have dildos that resemble the tail.  Lets go!” JJ pushed Mandi over the curb and straight at the door.  The tiny bell jingled as the door opened and Mandi stood frozen at the sight.  JJ however ran right in and began looking. “Come on Mandi! It’s time you experiment!” He giggled as he held up a huge wiggly horse cock.  Covering her face with her hands, Mandi shuffled her way towards JJ.  “Would you stop that!” She whispered as JJ started to flick his wrist, making the soft cock go round in circles.  “I think I need one of these for me girlie!  Man this would feel great shoved in my ass!.” JJ exclaimed as a worker made their over with a grin on her face.   “First time huh?  We can always tell, either too shy or too excited. How can I help you guys? Looking for anything in particular?”   Mandi began to shake her head, but JJ being who he was cut her off.  “Yes, she needs tentacles.  Ovipositors with the eggs that come with.  A medium to large probably since she is……unused shall I say.”  “Oh gods above JJ, really?! Tell everyone that I’ve never had sex why don’t you, jeez.” Mandi buried her face in her hands as JJ laughed, but the woman just smiled and took hold of Mandi.  “I have the perfect stuff, come on.  Most people come in here like this, first timers, shy because of what they like but its no biggie.”  As Mandi followed the lady she looked on the walls.  Dildos of massive sizes were displayed, some had giant heads with long thin bodies while some were reversed, had a slender head but a massive shaft. Some were so large it looked like it would split her in half.  Gulping down what she knew was excitement she kept walking.  How could she be excited about her feeling like she would be getting cut in two?  Another section housed more horse cocks, small ones, medium, massive ones that looked like when fully inserted it could reach her throat.  Near the horse cocks, were wolves.  These too were in various sizes but they had knots as the bases.  Some had multiple knots throughout the shaft, going from regular at the head, knot, shaft, bigger knot, shaft, and even bigger knot.  Wouldn’t a person get stuck on that?   How would her cunt feel so stretched out that she would literally be stuck on a cock. Mandi felt sweat trickle down her back at the thought.   “You know I can tell what you’re thinking buy the looks on your face, you don’t hide your facial expressions well.  My name is Nimmie, and yes the wolf cocks do feel amazing stuck inside of you.  Too big to slide out but to big to push further in.  Your pussy trapped on an immovable object, trust me, its worth it. Worth the pain. The dragon cocks are much the same without the knots.”  Nimmie pointed towards a display case that housed a pleothra of muticolored dildos.  Some were short and fat while others had what looked like scales in different layers to add a whole new feeling as it pushed against the walls of a pussy or ass. “But these are what you’re after. Yes?” Mandi looked over her shoulder as Nimmie pointed to a blue/black wall.  Her mouth popped open as she saw so many different kinds of tentacle dildos. S-curved that ended in a point, short stubby ones that had a bulbous head, each one had different sized suckers on it, mimicking a real octopus.   “But, I think your friend mentioned ovis, you’re more interested in the eggs and the feeling of them inside you, right?  I’ve used one, fuck it was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.  But that was our old stock we got some brand new ones no one has ever tried.  They look amazing.  Here.” Nimmie reached down and under a self, pulling out what looked like long slender tube with a short flat head on top.  It was a dark mossy green that faded into yellow at the tip.  Reading the package her eyes widened at the size.  Nearly nine inches in length  and at the widest nearly two inches at the base.  But what intrigued her more was the carton that was attached to the underside of the plastic container that held the cock.  “Its eggs! Look! Turn in over, each one is in their own cum, to give you that real effect.  So what you do, theres twelve by the way.  So what you do is you have to place the cock on the floor and through the opening at the tip of the cock, you just insert the eggs, push them all down and have your fun. As you fuck it, see the little button, you push that and the didlo will start to undulate and push the eggs into you, all that cum and eggs filling your cunt up.  When you’re done, pop off and push the eggs out, and repeat as many times as you want.  The cum, its some kind of new material that doesn’t wash away, like an egg sack thing. I dunno, but I can’t wait to try it myself..” Mandi turned the package over looking it over and listening to Nimmie talk about it.  Fuck, but she was wet just imagining it.  She had watched a porn with this woman who had something similar. The eggs had fallen out of her swollen cunt, falling to the ground in pleasurable ‘plops’.  She wondered if they would sound the same falling out of her.  And could she take all twelve at once? Mandi ran her hands over the eggs, thinking about where she could place it and fuck it. That was the moment JJ ran up to her, his arms filled with lube and cocks.  “Get me outta here girlie before I go broke.  You found something?” Nodding her head, she hid the ovi behind her and together they walked to the register.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ “I know you got that egg thing girlie, call me after and tell me ALL about it! I for one am going shove these beautiful things up my ass.”  JJ kissed Mandi on each cheek and left her standing at her door with the black bag in her hand.  Excitement rode her.  Mandi could feel her slick cunt, needy and ready to take in her first dildo.  The apex of her thighs felt heavy with need yet hollow.  It was like a low ache, one that was almost painful right behind her entrance.  She could almost feel her own heartbeat in her pussy, each thump of her heart knocking at her tight entrance.  Placing her phone down, she hit record and then began to undress.  Throwing off her clothes, she knelt on the floor and positioned herself so she could watch her body take in the cock.  Once everything was lined up correctly, she opened the plastic package with trembling fingers.  The cock itself was soft and malleable, but at the thick base she could feel beads that would rotate upwards, she figured those were how the eggs would get pushed up and into her pussy.  Next she opened the eggs.  Sighing, Mandi reverently grabbed the first one.  Nimmie was right, it felt as if the egg was encased in the same slime like substance a chicken egg was surrounded by.  The clear like slime wiggled between her fingers as it slipped from her grip into palm after palm, her hands rotating to constantly catch it.  Biting her bottom lip, Mandi held it to her face and it roll against her cheek.  It felt so warm, almost as if the crate it was in kept them a certain temperature. Before she could think better of it, Mandi popped it into her mouth.  The gel like casing rolled on her tongue and nearly down her throat.  But the taste.  It was like an aphrodisiac straight to her pussy.  Juices flowed and coated her thighs as she leaned her head back and moaned, rolling the egg on her tongue and nearly down her throat. Gagging she coughed the egg up and into her hand.  She’d definitely  have to practice more on how to hold that in her mouth, maybe with the cock fucking her throat too.  Mandi fingered the cocks opening and watched as the egg slide down and into the tube where the other 11 quickly followed.   Taking a deep breath, Mandi ran her fingers through her swollen pussy, her clit was so enlarged it hurt, her fingers rubbed hard on her clit, eliciting a long low moan from her throat, then she squatted over the cock.  Her back was against a wall and with wide eyes she watched herself slowly get impaled on the camera of her phone.   Her tight pussy pushed against the head of the cock, opening her pushing against her maiden head.  She watched in fascination as her cunt spread, allowing a foreign object to be inserted, thankfully the cock wasn’t giant at the tip, but she could feel the resistance of her flesh, pushing back, not wanting anything to push past her barrier.  Her thighs burned as she lifted herself up slightly then fell back down a second time. This round pushed hard the cock breaking though and she let out a painful moan as the cock stretched her new flesh, up and down she moves, deeper and deeper her squats came as she fucked herself down nearly to the two inch base. Her pussy ached, burned as it stretched and tears welled in her eyes. It was too big!   But she thought about those wolf cocks and getting stuck, widening her stance Mandi leaned back and placed her hands on the floor and moved her hips.  Her pussy made sucking sounds as the cock moved in and out, deeper until she screamed in pain, fuck she wanted to get stuck, wanted this foreign cock with its eggs to seal her pussy as the eggs pumped into her.     Tears gathered in her eyes as she moved her legs farther out, her knees hit the floor with a sharp thud and she sat, forcing her pussy to sit down all the way on the cock.  Looking into her phone, she could see the skin stretched, her cunt swollen and red, her clit hard and ready for the slightest of touches to send her over the edge.  Taking a deep breath, Mandi lifted one leg and felt her way around the base, finding that button Nimmie talked about.  Pushing it down, the beads that sat at the base of the cock began to vibrate, rotate around and up.  Her cunt tightened its grip and her body jerked as she rotated her hips.  Fuck she could feel the eggs rising with the undulations of the beads.

“Fuck. Fuck, Fuck!” Mandi panted as her hand left the floor and slapped at her swollen clit in tandem.  She felt the first egg explode from the cock and straight into her, she could feel it right against her cervix, followed by another, then another.  Her hand slapped harder at her clit and as she moved she looked down at her flat belly, she watched as her skin moved, pushed out by the eggs filling her.

Her orgasm took root and she flung her head back and screamed.  Pressure like never before built low in her belly as she came.  Her hand never stopped slapping and rubbing her clit until it was too much and she lifted off the cock, her pussy releasing all her cum and juices in one great spasm.  She watched in awe as she squirted, the eggs falling out of her one by one with a wet slimy pop. One after another she watched as she forced her pussy to push the remaining eggs out, each one slowly falling to the floor.  Her pussy pulsed and her body trembled with aftershocks of the best fucking orgasm ever!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m telling you JJ I think I lost one! I have eleven eggs nit twelve! What happens if one is still inside me? What am I going to do? Go to the doctor and say hey doc by the way I fucked an alien dong, had its fake eggs shoved inside of me and now I lost one.  Can you look in my cunt and tell me what you see?”

JJ just laughed, “It probably rolled under something so stop freaking out! But look we need to go back to that store, cause girl I done used all that lube and those dildos! I’m so gaped I could fit my fist in there!” Shaking her head, she finished her conversation with JJ, thinking that he was probably right.  The eggs had come out at first so fast that she lost one.  Had to be.

That night Mandi lay curled on her side, her thoughts on sleep, her mind drifting off into nothingness, she felt a soft, wet squelch come from between her thighs.  Moaning in her sleep, her body thrashed about, wetness soaked her pussy and sheets as her legs spread by some unseen force.  Through her sleep, pain had her eyes flip open and she screamed as e cunt stretched.  Her knees bent and she rose on her elbows as she looked down her body.  One long thick tentacle slide from her cunt.  It was the same hues as the dildo, it slid from her pussy and onto her thigh, the rings of the suction cups molding to her flesh. Scrambling away, her body spasmed as the tentacle stayed stuck inside of her womb, the one long tentacle slithered off her thigh and moved up, the tip pushing through the slit of her wet core. The pointed tip flicked her clit hard enough to shock Mandi into pure pleasure.

“Ohmagod its real.  Oh fuuuck its real.” Her voice went from a high-pitched scared cadence to a low, pleasurable moan.  This is what she had fantasized about the first time she watched that damn porn.  Her fantasy becoming a reality.  The alien inside of her wiggled growing thicker, spreading her sunt much like the dildo did, stretching her to the point of pain, sealing tight.  The tip of the tentacle slide back and forth on her clit, the suction cups moving languidly over her clit, sucking and releasing each time with each suction cup.  The thick base shoved deep in her began to slither in and out, fucking her until she could no longer stand it, her orgasm tore through her body.  Her body bowed off the bed, every muscle seized in pleasure and her cum flowed from her pussy in great rushes around the tentacle. Her breathing labored she lifted her head to watch the tentacle move and slither back into her cunt, her lower belly becoming slightly pooched out where it rested in her womb.  

Would the other eleven eggs be the same? If they stayed in her would they hatch too?  How many could she keep inside of her at once?  She wanted to fond out.  Would it be like that porn?  A tentacle for every hole? Her mouth, ass and pussy all having one at the same time? Her pussy pulsed as her cum leaked from her open slit.  There was only one way to find out.  Jumping out of bed, she found the ovipositor, and began to pop the remaining eggs into the cock.  Her belly wiggled in anticipation as she positioned her phone once more, then sank low on the cock, hoping that the other eleven eggs would too take root inside of her womb.  

Of course Prince Harrington is just another brat. Brought up spoiled rotten and without ever touching the dirt and blood the real world outside of palaces and lush gardens has to offer.

"I don't know why my father thinks you have to protect me," he bitches. "And can we call it a fucking day? It's already pretty dark and we'll reach Hawkins tomorrow."

Billy rolls his eyes. As if the Prince is able to fight what lurks behind the trees. He has probably never seen a spider monster or Demodog. Billy has the scars to prove that reality hurts.

It's not his usual work. Escorting royalty.

Billy is a mercenary. A sword you can buy, a tool to use if you've got enough coin. He knows most people hate him or are scared of him, most people think of him as scum except when they need him.

But apparently a lot of the Kingsguard were killed by the Demogorgon. Desperate times, even for rich people, but at least the pay is good.

"C'mon, it's time for dinner," Harrington says again. It's a luxury to have regular meals, but he doesn't know that. For him it's normal.

Camaro neighs as if to agree. What a traitor.

Billy wishes he'd already have enough coin to leave for California, to finally see the ocean again. But no, he's still stuck in Indiana doing whatever contract he can find, after Neil fucked him over and took most of his money.

Camaro stops at a clearing. Billy hears water running nearby. He sighs. If his horse agrees with the Prince, it's probably time to stop.

He slips Camaro half of the carrot, the last piece of food he has on himself. He's getting paid once they arrive in Hawkins. Times are tough, so Camaro and him eat the same shit. Doesn't matter as long as he gets to leave some day.

He starts to make a fire. Doesn't want Harrington to moan about getting cold next.

When the flames begin to shine bright and orange, eating their way through the wood, the darkness of the night is already surrounding them.

Harrington points at the log of wood he's sitting on.

Billy chews on the carrot and stares at the Prince.

"Do you want some cheese?" Harrington asks. He digs through his bag, pulling out different cheeses, a loaf of bread and a few dried meats.

The few noblemen Billy escorted in the past never asked. Never shared. Didn't even talk to him, if it wasn't necessary.

Billy raises a brow. Maybe this is a joke? Like when he was little and Neil showed him his dinner and fed it to the pigs instead to Billy.

"It's r'ly g'd," Harrington says, cheeks already stuffed full. He holds out a piece of bread.

Billy's stomach growls. Fuck it. He takes the bread and sits down next to Harrington. He's wearing expensive fabrics underneath his masterfully crafted coat. Billy's own armor is covered in scratches and dents.

He groans. The bread is delicious. Harrington shares everything with him. The cheese is strong, melting on his tongue. He hasn't realized how hungry he had been.

"Thanks," he mumbles.

"I don't know how you do it," Harrington says. "The whole day on horseback. My ass is so sore! What about yours?"

Billy fights back a laugh. The last time his ass hurt was after a visit to Heather's brothel. She knows his preferences and stayed silent, sending her hottest men to his room whenever he's in town.

"You get used to it." It's not really a lie. The riding Billy got used to. The loneliness? Not really. He's glad he's got Camaro. Better a horse as a friend than none.

"A toast to your firm ass then." Harrington grins at him, eyes twinkling. He hands Billy a wineskin.

He's pretty, Billy thinks. Big brown eyes, fluffy hair. He wonders if it feels as soft as it looks. Probably, with the fancy soap he smells like.

"Cheers." He takes a sip from the wine. It's better not to think about it. This is just a job after all.

Harrington's knee bumps against his. He doesn't move away.

When they lay down on the bedrolls, Billy listens to the cackling fire and watches the stars shining bright above him.

"I'm cold," Harrington groans.

Billy knows he shouldn't. No fucking way the Prince is cold. His blanket must be way better material than Billy's.

"Come over then," he hears himself say.

Harrington doesn't hesitate. Suddenly warm arms are around Billy's chest. The Prince's breath ghosts over his ear.

Billy turns his face around. Harrington's lips are right there, soft and hot against his own.

Maybe it's not the worst job he has ever taken.

I want an Elseworlds comic where Batman is the B. Rex but he's not from the Dark Multiverse. He's literally just a regular (nice) Batman from a universe where his body got destroyed and he was forced to upload his consciousness into the Batcave's robot T. Rex, but he's still good and literally just struggling to continue doing his Batman job as usual.

He's stuck jamming his giant T.Rex head into crime scenes to investigate.

He can't throw batarangs with his tiny arms.

The Robins keep riding him like a horse and he's not really happy about that.

"Are you sure you want to keep the ears? They look a lot sillier with your head like--" "I HAVE TO MAINTAIN THE BRAND."

He can't fit in the Watchtower anymore and Superman keeps offering to help put his body into a (much more practical) Kryptonian robot but Batman's like "Oh, and let the Eradicator slowly siphon off my personality and intellect and eventually hijack all the Watchtower's electrical systems? I think the fuck not."

He basically keeps standing around like his body is the same as its always been and everyone is like "Okay well I guess we have to treat him like this is normal because losing your physical body is really traumatic."

He keeps insisting he's not a mount because all the Robins were all kind of obnoxious about it but eventually Wonder Woman does ride him into battle, and he's like "I GUESS" about it--or it's kind of like the Gimli "Toss me" situation.

31 Days of Derek Hale

Day 21: Centaur

Info │ 01 │ 02 │ 03 │ 04 │ 05 │ 06 │ 07 │ 08 │ 09 │ 10 │ 11 │ 12 │ 13 │ 14 │ 15 │ 16 │ 17 │ 18 │ 19 │ 20 │ 21

“Fuck!” Derek roared as he stormed into the yard, hands clenched into tight fists. 

The werewolf was irritated over having nearly lost control of his inner wolf, and nearly wolfing out in public. Derek and Stiles had been out on a simple dinner date, when stupid Jackson had to show up and be his usual douchey self. Normally, Derek was able to keep his lupine instincts in check; however, the second that stupid Jackson had placed his hand on a clearly annoyed Stiles’s shoulder, Derek had seen red. He’d shot out of his seat and had unleashed a fearsome snarl, even baring his massive werewolf fangs in the jerk’s direction.

It had managed to get Jackson to cut his crap, but the action had also accidentally caught the attention of other patrons in the restaurant, who’d only stared awkwardly/fearfully in Derek’s direction. The ceaseless staring had totally ruined the night, and Derek had dragged Stiles out of there early, much to his chagrin.

“Der!” Stiles called out after the stomping werewolf. “It’s fine, really!”

Derek was still seething. Sure he was irritated with Jackson, yet he was more so angry with himself and how his lack of self-control had ruined his date with Stiles. Thinking about it more only served to bring out an onslaught of more anger-inducing memories about how being a werewolf was a pain in Derek’s ass.

His jaw clenched, Derek just huffed in annoyance. “It’s not fine,” he pouted. “And this whole werewolf bullshit is something that’s just going to keep causing us trouble.”

Stiles frowned and placed a tender hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Sometimes,” Derek huffed, “I wish I wasn’t a werewolf.”

On cue, a streak of light flickered through the night sky as a shooting star bolted across.

Immediately, Derek flinched as he felt a warm travel throughout his body. The first thing he noticed was that his pants were starting to grow uncomfortably tight. 

“What the hell…?” Derek wondered aloud as he looked down at himself. HIs eyes went wide as saucers when he saw his altered bulge in the front of his pants. 

His normally proportional six inches had somehow elongated, creating what looked like Derek was stuffing a ripe grapefruit in his boxers. It was obscenely large, and between his thick thighs, Derek felt balls that had to be the size of lemons. Worse was that back of his pants felt as if they’s burst at any moment.

Looking over his broad shoulder, Derek gasped at the caricature of a butt that was attached to him. His perky cheeks had somehow managed to balloon out to a crazy size, pushing further out with each second.

In his panic, Derek ripped off his pants, his breath getting caught in his throat at what he saw.

Never being one lost for words, Stiles gasped out, “Holy crap, Der! You’ve got a horse cock!”

Derek’s cock had grown to at least fifteen inches, and it was nearly as thick of his beefy wrist. His balls had swollen up to resemble baseballs. The werewolf didn’t have time to focus on that as he felt his weight being yanked back due to the increasing size of his booty.

His legs stretched out longer, causing Derek to sprout up at least two more feet in height. All he could do was stare in disbelief at his changing body, his heart beat loudly in his muscled chest as he wondered what was happening to him. His throat went dry as he witnessed his toes fusing together, his nails hardening to form hooves. 

His butt grew so big that Derek stumble back and almost fell, but he was caught by something.

Stiles’s wordless gasp mirrored his own as he looked back and saw that he’d grown an extra set of legs to offset his elongated backside. Derek blushed at how he must’ve looked, having his regular-looking torso sitting atop a lower half that was stretched out with four legs needed to keep it upright.

Derek’s altered lower half began to itch as thick, black fur sprouted all over it, covering every inch. It was glossy and looked shiny underneath the moonlight. As a final touch, Derek winced when he felt his distended backside tingle as he sprouted a long tail that swished back and forth.

The warmth finally dissipated, and Derek also felt an odd calm inside of his head, like his inner wolf was finally silenced.

“What the fuck just happened?!” Derek panicked, taking an awkward step forward in his new body, his hooves clacking loudly on the ground as he struggled to get used to walking. As he moved, his huge cock dangled around freely, making his face crimson.

Stiles’s mouth was agape as he looked over his changed boyfriend. Derek’s long legs were thick with muscle, which flexed with animalistic power with every heavy step he took. “Der,” he gasped, “you’re a centaur!”

“A what?” Derek groaned, pinching his nose in irritation. “When I said that I didn’t want to be a werewolf anymore, that didn’t mean that I’d rather be a centaur instead! How the fuck am I supposed to hide this thing!?” He gestured at his horse ass and cock, which were humongous and definitely would prove to be difficult to keep from prying eyes.

Derek stopped and sniffed at the air, still maintaining a keen sense of smell. And a curious aroma was wafting off of Stiles in waves.

“R-really?” Derek asked incredulously.

Stiles bit down on his lower lip and shrugged. “I played a lot of fantasy RPGs, and always liked the centaur characters… like, a lot.”

Derek felt his shock slowly fade, and he couldn’t help but grin coyly at his boyfriend.”C’mere, I’ll give you a ride,” he chuckled.

Stiles eagerly took his hand and hopped up onto Derek’s new back, wrapping his arms around Derek’s human torso. 

Derek marveled at how weightless Stiles felt as he carried him, and he began to trot towards the house… his swaying horse cock getting harder and harder. He just hoped that Stiles knew some special stretching techniques.

karkat goes through some changes

homestuck

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]. TT: It's come to my attention that you've been having some difficulties with Karkat. TG: "oh hey dave" TG: "how are you doing" TG: "good good yeah i know its been ages but ive got a question for you" TG: "hows karkat doing" TT: My apologies. TT: If you'd like to restart the conversation, but frontloaded with pleasantries, we can do that immediately. TG: nah jigs already up TG: theres a suspiciously empty bag and cat just fucking headbutting everything in existence TG: the elephant in the room is eyeing me flapping its monstrous goddamn ears blinking its sad eyes TG: walking around crunching the bones of the dead horse that ive been beating TT: Dave. TG: yo TT: Are you okay? TG: hell of a fucking question TG: i mean TG: im doing fine TG: im coping TG: its not like im the one in the relationship who woke up three feet taller and more intimidating overnight TG: with literally no clothes that fit TG: and an unrecognizable goddamn complexion TG: you know that blush palette kanaya got us that one time is basically junk now TG: we were so excited to literally never use it but now its become mandatory TG: the thrill of ignoring a gift is all evaporated TG: at least we still have that fucking popcorn maker that june got us rotting away in a cupboard somewhere TT: Dave. TG: im extremely normal about this

TG: its not every day your boyfriend of five years grows into a giant troll monster TG: leaving behind a molted skin of his days of being a regular troll monster TG: that one was TG: genuinely extremely fucking unpleasant to discover TT: I can only imagine. TT: Kanaya's more-or-less confirmed to never be able to molt again, thanks to her immortality. TT: Waking up next to, essentially, the skinned corpse of your boyfriend, while an adult with his face is crying next to you, seems incredibly distressing. TG: yeah TG: it uh TG: we didnt actually realize what the fuck was in the bed until a few hours after karkats first "oh god im like your human professor hulk" cry TG: what the fuck was the deal with professor hulk by the way TG: like why was he in the movie TG: did they just not have the budget to shoot mark ruffalos unaltered face TG: every film the guys in has a budget for ruffalo shielding an audience exposed to a noncgi ruffalo is well and truly fucked TT: Dave. TG: im fine

TG: its fine TG: its just TG: kind of a big fucking deal TG: mostly for him TG: i think hes the first mutant to pupate into adulthood for literally more than the timespan of two universes TG: its like getting run over by the puberty truck and somehow ending up with muscles out of it TG: the same kind of injury logic that created handsome squidward TT: Mm. TT: I figured something like that would be the case, emotionally. TG: as always you are the genius of our time TT: I have one more question. TT: Do you need Kanaya and I to come over to make more clothes for him? TG: wow TG: thats genuinely a really nice offer TG: yeah come over whenever TG: karkats been tarzanning it for a little too long TG: not that the primal look isnt fantastic at times but uh TG: well lets just say theres only so much i can handle at once TT: We'll be right over. tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG].

Modern Blue Lions headcanons

Dimitri

Has difficulties with fine motor skills following the car accident that killed his family and Glenn. Has to use accommodating tools like specific silverware and a laptop to take notes in class. Kids used to be jealous that he got use a laptop in class but he just wanted to be normal

Regular member of his school GSA but everyone assume he's just a straight ally because look at him. Look at his hair. He's straight. His classmates don't discover he's actually bi until a week before graduation when they see him kiss Felix

Also a regular member of the BIPOC solidarity club. Dimitri, Dorothea, Ashe and Constance are the token white allies.

(mental health spiraling) "haha puberty/hormones :) No need to discuss these new symptoms with anyone, it's just normal teenager things" (it is not normal teenage things)

Annette

banned from home ec after starting a fire while making a salad... She's was trying to make homemade croutons...

girl ADHD :)

she got a B on a chem test one and cried about it for 2 days straight

"Maybe if I get all A and get this many awards and get this many scholarships, my dad will love me :)" (girl.. :( )

Frenemies with Lysithea. They're buddies until it's time for exams. Then it's war. There can only be one valedictorian. (death note's "I'll take a potato chip and eat it" songs plays in the background)

Olivia Rodrigo stan

Sylvain

Hasn't said "okay i'm sorry that I looked at Mrs Riley and lightly grazed her left tit" but has said that exact same thing

friend with a car. "yeah we can all fit into my Audi; Annette and Ashe are tiny, just squeeze in and pretend you like each other. We can stick Felix in the trunk" "I'll kill you."

He's in Lacross AND theatre. Ice hockey AND Ice dancing and figure skating. He can do both, he's bisexual

Has to pick between a major sport game and his theatre show. His dad wants him to follow his dream and do the game but Sylvain is getting ready to tell him "no dad i'm giving up your dream." He backs out. He goes to the game.

"You got a perfect score on the college entrance exams?" "Why is it hard?" (he studied so much)

Ingrid

"Gay people are real??? They don't just exist in San Francisco and on Glee???" /gen confusion. Not in a homophobic way, she's just raised in a conservative environment and instead of going on the internet, she hangs out with her horses (Just wait till she finds out about trans people)

When her family was going through a particularly hard financial time, her friends started packing extra lunch. They all know she doesn't accept handouts but Ingrid will never say no to leftovers.

So chronically offline. Who's Billie Eilish? What's Succession? What is Rizz?? They're making another Spider-Man movie!?

Dedue

Vice-president of the BIPOC solidarity club. The school gives them club money and he uses it to make food for the members.

"..." "Go on" "Down with... gringo?" *Claude, Petra, Felix, Cyril, Hapi, Constance, Dimitri, Ashe and Dorothea all clap*

Football/Basketball/Hockey couches keep trying to recruit him. He just wants to garden.

(Tw racism and ref to violence to poc men) "I don't want to antagonist white people. As a large brown man, I'm already perceived as a threat." "That's ok! Your safety comes first. I got this," Dorothea says as she throws eggs at someone's car with a confederate flag.

Mercedes

"I'm joining the war on liberation theology on the side of liberation theology."

"Mercedes! Can you explain your tardiness?" "Forgive me, professor, I was at morning mass." (She was. But she's late because she stop to smoke a blunt.)

In her most angelic, big sister voice, "fuck TradCaths 😊"

Somehow still failing her religious studies class

(tw cults and implied anti semitic conspiracy) Raised in a religious cult where her step dad was the leader until she and her mom escaped. Because of this, did not know Jewish people were real. "I knew they were people in the bible but all I knew was [redact]" (Don't worry, she knows better now that she's not in a literal cult)

Felix

"I fucking hate my dad" "why? Is it cause he didn't accept you being queer/trans?" "No, he was cool with that. He's just fucking annoying."

"Ingrid, what the hell, I'm literally trans. You know this. We've been friends since we were in diapers." "Oh. I forgot." "YOU FORGOT!?"

Wasian. (tw sui joke) @ Dimitri and Sylvain "stop joking about killing yourself--you're appropriating my culture, assholes."

Secret Olivia Rodrigo fan. He only listens to her music on youtube + incognito mode. Only Annette knows. Annette manages to get them concert tickets were they run into Lysithea.

Ashe

Spider-Man stan on main. Somehow he convinces Dedue to be his Ned Leeds to his Peter Parker for Halloween

He knows Ingrid would like the MCU if she watched it, but she's scared of needing to watch 10000 movies

*slaps Ashe's back* You can pack so much anxiety in this guy

Started school in the middle of the year because he's a foster kid. Rumors started spread about him being a harden criminal because he went to juvie. He keeps tries to correct them and say he's never been but Caspar keeps fueling the rumors

"Caspar! Stop telling people I went to juvie! That never happened!" "...You... lied to me? :(" "You made it up!" "Oooh. Right."

Yippie-Ki-Yay

coastalcassi

Summary:

Sirius likes to dress up and go to themed pubs… sue him. This one did NOT go as planned… but god he and James are NOT mad about it.

Or

Sirius and James go to a western bar dressed up and are PLEASANTLY surprised. You know what they say about taking someone’s cowboy hat…

Save a horse… ride a cowboy ;)

Chapter 1: I’m Gonna Getcha Good

Yippy-Ki-Yay blinks in neon red lights next to a cowboy boot on the sign overlooking the parking lot.

"Sirius... are you sure this is a western themed place? It looks like a normal pub."

"I’m telling you James! Online it said country western, line dancing, and The Rattle Snakes are performing tonight."

Sirius dismounts his vintage. motorcycle and takes off his helmet, shaking out his hair. He likes that his western outfit isn't far off from his regular leather look. Just more fringe to be honest, a black cowboy hat and red stars on his arse pockets which, to be frank, do wonders for him.

James on the other hand has gone a little more traditional cowboy. He has faded denim jeans on, a yellow button down and a red bandana tied around his neck. It suits him. He also adorns a dark brown hat and brown cowboy boots. His only stand out piece is a large gold belt buckle that had a horse in the middle framed by the words Ride a Cowboy. Cheeky son of a gun.

"I don't know Sirius..."

"Come on James! How bad can it be?!? Let's just… check it out! It's supposed to be queer friendly too! Pleeeeease?!?"

Sirius is bouncing up and down in front of James with his hands pressed together practically begging.

"Fine. Fine," James says, raising his hand in surrender.

"Yay!”

Both boys start to walk towards the door and can hear music playing inside. As they opened the door they can hear, "Welcome to the stage.... The Rattle Snakes," followed by loud cheers and clapping.

"We're just in time James! Let's go!" Sirius pulls James in quickly behind him not wanting to miss anything.

As soon as the boys are through the door they are met by a sea of flannel and regular looking men — though there IS still an abundance of cowboy boots present.

"Oh bullocks! Siriusly?!"

James' nose twitches as he tries to suppress a smirk at him being right on the money with the dress code. It's not Sirius' fault he likes to dress up and have fun so much. James' eyes scan over the crowd as “I'm Gonna Getcha Good” starts playing over the speakers. The spot light turns on and illuminates the performers and James — the poor lamb — has his breathe knocked out of him.

"Uggggg. I'm going over to the bar. I need a drink."

"Um — yeah ok. I'll — uh — meet you there."

James had already started making his way through the crowd, up to the very front of the crowd. The tips of his boots hit the stage and he can't get any closer. There are five performers on the stage in a V shape, 2 girls and 3 boys. Truly, all of them stunning, but standing in the middle is the most gorgeous creature James has ever seen.

His skin porcelain white and perfect, his grey eyes — a storm, his lips the perfect succulent pink, all framed by gorgeous dark curls. James has to swallow — HARD!

They’re all wearing all black with accents of black rattlesnake skin. Some of them have hints of green too. James' muse adorns a black button down with fringe going down the arms and across the back, but fuck, the lower James scans the more he has to fight to keep his jaw off the floor and stay composed as a gentleman should.

That slutty little waist is doing things for James. Across his waist is a belt with a large silver star buckle. He is wearing the equivalent to black briefs, smooth black silk, with black rattlesnake skin chaps falling down to black boots with a slight heel.

Oh god — James is going to keel over.

The performer’s eyes catch onto James and he smirks walking forward. He says "Lets Go" in time with the music and it becomes clear they are performing the song playing through the speakers. The other four performers starting their dance routine.

He won't free James from his grasp, his eyes fiery, unyielding, and ready to take James as his victim. This must be how snakes lure their prey James thinks.

"Don't wantcha for the weekend,

Don't wantcha for a night,

I'm only interested if I can have you for life, yeah”

Oh god he's singing — and doing truly provocative things… dance moves. God that waist! — what is James gonna do?!?

The lead walks to the edge of the stage and grabs James' hat putting it on his head. It doesn’t match his all black ensemble, but god does James like it. He then firmly grabs and tilts James’ chin up and winks. He turns and twirls back to the group.

Bloody hell. James' thoughts are intoxicated.

“So don't try to run, honey

Love can be fun

There's no need to be alone

When you find that someone”

The lead comes back towards James and extends his hand gesturing with his chin to the floor. James takes his hand and helps him down as the rest of the performers also leave the stage and dance through the crowd.

This creature is looking and singing to James.

"I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight

(I'm gonna getcha) I'm gonna getcha if it takes all night

(Yeah, you can betcha) you can betcha by the time I say, "Go"

(I'm gonna getcha) you'll never say, "No"

James' heart is gong to explode as he watches this rattlesnake sing and dance through the crowd. He may be dancing for everyone but his eyes are never leaving James. God those eyes. James realizes he's been holding his breath and not breathing… that’s definitely a problem and he is DIZZY.

The performer comes back to James and places a hand on his chest, pushing him lightly backwards as he performs. James' calfs hit the stage and next thing he knows he is sat. A black boot (with silver stars and spurs, upon closer inspection) on his knee. His hands caress the leg as he leans down to place a kiss on the knee, His eyes looking up through his thick eyelashes.

“I'm gonna getcha, it's a matter of fact

(I'm gonna getcha) I'm gonna getcha, don't you worry 'bout that

(Yeah, you can betcha) you can bet your bottom dollar in time

(I'm gonna getcha) you're gonna be mine (I'm gonna getcha)

Just like I should, I'll getcha good”

A truly smug and satisfied smile spreading across the performer's face as he continues to sing and perform. He moves to James' side and uses his shoulder to boost himself back up on the stage.

James turns to see the performers coming back to a V on the stage. The lead, sings his last line:

“Oh, I'm gonna getcha good”

and the lights cut out.

Fuck — James HAS to know him. HAS to see him again.

"A five minute set break for the next performance. Meet our performers at the bar for a drink."

James doesn't have to be told twice. He hurries, weaving through the crowd to the bar. Everyone is there — even their guitarist — except the one James is dieing to touch again…

Disappointed James finds Sirius, who is chatting at the bar. The flirt can’t help himself.

"Pads. I’m hot. Going out for some air. Ok?"

"Yeah, sure Prongs. Want me to come with you?"

"Nah, I'll be back in a minute. Enjoy your drink and company." James nods to the man clearly flirting and providing Sirius with free alcohol.

James steps out the side door to the alley and leans against the cold brick wall. His lungs fill with cool air as his heart fills with dispair. The poor romantic thought that was love at first sight. God the song… the performance… James wants to go back and relive it. Over and over. It was PERFECT.

The smell of smoke hits his nose and he recognize the brand immediately as French. It has a very distinct smell he'd know anywhere cause they're Sirius’ favorite.

James turns and low and behold.... his rattlesnake is posted against the wall, smoke playing around his mouth. A french inhale… Fuck… Can he be ANY HOTTER?!?

James walks towards him and leans against the wall. The man doesn't look up. James clears his throat, "Um… hi."

"I'm on break."

"I know," James coughs," I went to the bar to meet you but you weren't there.”

The man looks up smirking at James, "Stalking me now sweetheart."

James' face flushes deep, from his hairline down his chest and he sputters.

The performer pushes off the wall to stand straight and crosses his arms over his chest, flicking his cigarette ash. He appraises James head to toe and cocks an eyebrow. "Did you — dress up?"

James chuckles and rubs the back of his neck," Uh, yeah, my mate — he thought it was western themed, like dress up."

The rattlesnake cocks his head to the side a little. “That’s quite a statement buckle.”

James looks down and then turns beet red again as he remembers what it says. He full on runs his hand through his hair. This is truly embarrassing all around.

The man’s eyes twinkle as he laughs and James realizes he has quite sharp teeth. Fitting, being that rattlesnakes have fangs. The rattlesnake waves his hand like he's clearing smoke. "Only the performers dress up."

"Yeah... I kinda got that, and thank god for it."

The man's eyebrows rise and his eyes narrow.

Fuck... did I say that out loud?!?

"I don't like being ogled at."

"I would’ve never guessed with that getup and how you move."

FUCK JAMES SHUT UP!

It’s silent for a moment while the man purses his lips and tilts his chin up. “I'm a performer. It's my job," he turns to move away and leave.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't it that way! Sometimes I say stupid things. That didn't come out right."

His rattlesnake waves him off still walking away, "That's the understatement of the night."

“Wait! Please?"

He stops and James sighs in relief.

"What do you want?" he asks, turning around. His face looking obviously displeased, and his eyes guarded.

James moves forward, coming right in front of him and kneeling on one knee on the gravel. He takes the man's boot and places it on his bent knee again. He looks up, "Time. Time with you. Please?" He looks up pleading as he bends to kiss the star's knee once more.

He looks down at James appraising him. Different emotions flickering through his eyes too fast for James to catch. Is he positioning to strike? He smirks after a moment. "You're a right git, You know that? and crazy."

"I know."

The corners of his mouth curls up slightly, "You can buy me a drink."

James beams up at him as he removes his foot from James' knee.

"What's your name?"

"Regulus."

"Regulus…”

James shakes his head and clears his throat TRYING to collect himself. “… in Rattlesnake skins… you look REALLY good in my hat."

Regulus smirks, “Slow down cowboy.”

James’ smile gets impossibly wider and he offers Regulus his arm to escort him back into the bar. He delights in a not quite hidden chuckle as Regulus takes it.

answering asks and stuff vol 5

i think he'd just sort of hang there limply like a sack of potatoes. no verve in that man

(more asks under the cut because u know these things get long)

-

Yes! There are actually soooo many different horses around the place, it's the reason the ranger organisations in Inver have a section entirely dedicated to horsemanship. Your whole job can just be the guy they call whenever there's a horse (this is what Pascal's human sweetheart does btw)

The Unicorn is a creature who starts to make trouble in the year 2017 and is a nemesis of Pascal who, again, is a modern Inver character. I do portray Unicorn with water motifs on purpose, but that's because his territory or the area in which he operates is the great inland sea of Inver, Lough Cánamac.

(@sleepvines)

The water horse in that picture referred in the ask & those tags lived until the year 1864 in the victorian Inver period and died pretty dramatically after tangling with the Púca servants and a completely normal human man called Jean-Baptiste (Félix's twin brother). Jean-Baptiste was researching the application of bombarding enchanted objects with electrons in a vacuum tube to see what the hell it would do. He was sort of a scientist, if you consider making jerry-rigged electromagnets with no safety features in his bedroom 'science'. He discovered that the electrical current in a vacuum tube interacted with a magic object by piercing the barrier between the Overworld and the Otherworld, and this would often have flashy and explosive consequences. To date, he is the only human character of Inver who has invented his own form of magic without the aid of any faery patron or familiar.

The water horse, after its scuffle with Félix as depicted in the painting, withdrew and then came back for vengeance. And one CRITICAL feature of faeries in Inver is that they physically can not tell identical twins apart - no matter how different they look, those two people are one person in the mind of someone from the Otherworld. So it attacked Jean-Baptiste instead and died super hard because he doesn't fuck around.

-

So his head isn't fake fake like Nosewyse's is, there are actual skull fragments in there.

I can't comment on what causes the growth of flesh within holy beasts but I can say that this would not be a factor for either Pantera or Krokodilos. We'll just call it an imbalance of his humours ;)

-

Guinefort is suuuuper archaic, one of the very earliest Holy Beasts still kicking. And back then, they built small on purpose. They didn't have the technical knowhow or the foundation of knowledge to make anything much bigger or more complex. When he was built, he was the pinnacle of enginesmithing and he did hunt dragons, though back then he would have been accompanied not by companion beasts in a crusade, but by ground troops only. He was (and is) very quick on his feet thanks to his super light build and works well as a lure or decoy (his actual animal type is a greyhound).

He also used to have a series of regular black powder cannons mounted on his back, which was fun and dangerous and used to be absolute hell to maintain & reload because he couldn't carry much ammunition.

A Court of Mischief and Purpose Chapter Thirteen (Loki x fem! Reader Hiddlesverse Crossover Series)

Series Summary: Based on Sarah J Mass's A Court of Thorns and Roses series with the Tom Hiddleston characters. You are a woman of 1885 in Aldwinter in Essex, England, dying of tuberculosis. Never to be married to the local Lusty Vicar. When Loki appears to you and offers to heal you...if you spend a week of every month with him.

Chapter Warnings: You and Loki journey to Jotunheim to find the orb. But when events turn for the worse...you decide to ask for help.

Chapter Warnings: Using an oldie but goodie fanfic trope (Court of Mist and Fury does it, so I decided to use it too), some insecurity and mutual pining, and mentions of past cheating with a character who isn't Loki. Fluff and Angst.

A/N: I am not 100 percent certain about the cannon world of Jotunheim, so I threw my hands in the air and cried "fuck it! Give them horses". The next chapters are coming in fast since work was slow and I used the time to write some first drafts. Hence the fast posting.

Series Masterlist

A03//My Ko-Fi//My Etsy Shop//Masterlist//Wattpad

Taglist: @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jennyggggrrr @five-miles-over @fictive-sl0th @ladycamillewrites @villainousshakespeare @holdmytesseract @eleniblue @twhxhck @lokisgoodgirl @lovelysizzlingbluebird @raqnarokr @holymultiplefandomsbatman @michelleleewise @wolfsmom1 @cheekyscamp @mochie85 @fandxmslxt69 @skittslackoffilter

Dressed in your warmest coats and sheathed with daggers, you both went through the portal.

Jotunheim was still as bitter cold as ever. If only Loki could just create a portal within Jotunheim to land you right in the cabin! But no- that wasn’t in his abilities, as he kept reminding you whenever you began to complain. You had to travel through the blasted tundra. You trekked through the sharp wind and snow with Loki for a few hours. Thank goodness your fire floated in your hands and the movement gave you warmth. But you had yet to sense out where the cabin was. And now it was getting dark.

You used a certain creature to travel through- horses only known in Jotunheim. Like a regular horse. Only this one was a little bigger than normal. Bright white as the snow and that had crystals of ice on him. The Jotunheim Horses were immune to the cold- it was where they thrived. In fact, it grazed to eat the snow, swishing its blue tail and mane.

When you both got tired of walking, he used some of the money you had brought to rent a special horse of Jotunheim from a village. Like a regular horse that had crystals on them. Horses that were immune to the cold- it was where they thrived. Only barely larger than normal. You eyed the saddle nervously.

“I never even rode a normal horse before,” you said.

“Now, don’t be nervous my dear- here, I will show you how...” Loki guided.

He helped you up onto the saddle, you in front and him behind. You swung your legs to the side like you saw horsewomen in photographs back home do. He guided the reigns and as you both rode, gave you small instructions- keep your heels down. Stay calm. Flick the reigns to make them go faster, tug to make them stop or go slower. He even let you practice riding it for a couple of miles forward, the horse trotting at a calm pace.

“We’ve traveled for hours…but we cannot lose our place…” Loki said.

He checked the book again.

“It should be close…but it means it’s several hours of riding…”

He looked at you shivering.

“And we’ll need to stop…”

There was a city nearby. Some of the Frost Giant people gaped at you, but you ignored their starings. You checked the few inns in town. But it seemed many were full due to Starfall and those traveling to celebrate.

Finally, there was the third and last inn You both went inside, going up to the innkeeper at the wooden desk in the lobby. Her blue skin seemed to shine in the light and her red eyes were bright.

“We have good news, there is one room available for the night…” she announced.

“Oh, wonderful!” you cried.

She looked between you both.

“However, there is a problem…” she began.

There was only one bed. One comfortable, blanketed, bed in that room.

It was far too cold to lie on the floor for hours. You both would have to sleep in it.

Your heart raced a little- something so intimate! Something you would have never agreed to do a year ago…but now, what choice did you have?

Loki had nightclothes conjured for both of you. You fought back the memory of seeing him sleep semi-naked. You both had warm, thick nightgowns that were as white as the Jotunheim snow. You felt your eyes continue to flutter down to see the V of his own nightwear. The little bit of hair that poked out of his chest. But then forced them away.

Once it got dark, you both got into the bed. You and Loki turned around, him staring at the window and you at the wall.

The wind whistled sharply. Outside there were constant flurries of thick snowflakes. The cold air seeped through the room. Contrasting with the warmth of the blankets…and of your bedmate. Turning about, you had not fallen asleep yet. Your mind refusing to shut down despite the long day.

You kept thinking back, despite yourself, remembering the day you first spoke to him. The day he saved you at a price. But there was one little thing he said that still kept bugging you like an itch you weren’t allowed to scratch.

“Loki… are you awake?” you asked.

“Yes,” he answered. “Why aren’t you asleep by now?”

You heard him flip over and you followed suit. His dark curls out of the way of his face. Both of you on your sides, facing each other.

“Because I was thinking of the day you appeared to me when we made the bargain.”

“Oh yes…and what made you recall that?”

“Well, the fact we keep ending in each other’s rooms in one way or the other!”

His own eyebrows briefly shot up, and there was a smile on the verge of a little laugh on his face, yet he remained quiet.

“It happened when I first met you- not counting when you were a cat…but there’s one thing you said I still muse on…it still makes me a little mad!” you blurted.

“Which one? My dear, I’m sure I said several things that enraged you back then…” he prodded

“That you were surprised I could talk back just because I’m a woman from my time.”

The other thought that was floating in your head was the memory of the letter to Cora you found- that one phrase that seemed like being stabbed in the gut. The one phrase that solidifed her superiority over you-“You are truly not like other women!”

Loki said no reply but merely listened.

“We’re people, like anyone else. We have feelings, like anyone else. Did you assume Just because we embroider and wear corsets that it means we’re boring or weak? We don’t enjoy being pushed around! We don’t like being mocked or hurt. And perhaps we aren’t all warriors, but that does not mean we are unworthy of respect! You should have seen my mother. I think she was far more in charge of our family than Papa ever was. Even Stella-Stella-said so to me that she wants Grendel and his army to, and I quote, ‘burn in hell.’”

“Norns above…” Loki muttered in reply.

“I can’t blame her after what they did to her…” you commented.

Loki furrowed his brow. He kept listening as you continued.

“It’s usually those who don’t know us who make such judgments. Who won’t even try to get to know us it…it…it’s comments such as these that make me so mad that I…I…”

The rest of the words failed you, and you paused. How much were you ranting about what he said…and how much were you ranting at the phrase in the letter? Perhaps he could tell. You were quite sure your shield was down. Loki only looked at you- realizing he had permission to speak.

“You were right back then. When I met you, I knew Thomas…but I never got to know a woman from your time. I made judgements and even jokes about it…but I didn’t truly know you then. I’m sorry,” he apologized.

“Thank you. I forgive you, Loki,” you replied.

You turned around. Facing the wooden wall with a chair and table on the other side. The fireplace in the room was a mere, dying ember. The smoke was so thin, it was nearly invisible.

“I hate to disappoint you, Loki, but there is not much to me other than my magic. I’m just like every other woman…” you said.

You tightened the blanket around you, your knees hugging up to your chest. A lump in your throat. But you heard the trickster god shift forward. His voice right near your ear and his warm body against yours. Part of you fell stiff, yet also…comforted.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” he consoled you.

You turned back over to look at him. You accepted his closeness as you faced each other. His nose mere centimeters from your own. His eyes were as blue as the skies of Asgard. You could smell your dinner on his breath.

“There are far worse things in life to be…but…”

His voice went back to that of teasing, a small smile on his face. He had to be at least a little mischievous while he was still awake.

“You could still improve your taste in wedding gowns…” he poked.

You cocked up an eyebrow.

“That’s rich coming from someone who wears ruffled blouses with his tuxedoes!” you shot back.

You both burst into laughter. You could still hear his rich baritone voice in his laughter. You could feel the rumbling in his body, his chest seemed to vibrate with the mirth.

“What can I say? I enjoy dressing with a little bit more flair...” he sad.

You shot him a smug grin.

“Well, if I can wear a ‘monstrosity of lace’ as you called it, you can wear your foppish tuxedoes!” you teased.

He laughed a little more. Then his voice became gentle.

“Though you did look lovely at the ball the other night,” he said.

“As did you,” you replied.

So close…he was so close. You could have just wrapped him in your arms. Perhaps you should have. His closeness made his warmth radiate toward you. Your own thoughts and memories were spoken, and your concerns were heard like the breaking of a long-held dam. And now that it was released, you began to feel sleepy.

You curled up next to each other, merely brushing each other’s skin. Warm and safe despite the howling wind. You whispered goodnight and turned around to your other side. At once, you drifted to sleep.

When you woke up briefly, it was still dark. Perhaps it was early in the morning. You were facing the wall on your side, but something felt different. Something solid and heavy was draped over your waist. Too heavy to be the blankets.

You looked down and realized with a small jolt of your nerves that it was Loki’s muscular arm.

He wrapped an arm around you while asleep.

Dammit, dammit, dammit, you kept repeating silently.

Should you move him? Wake him up? Oh dear lord, you felt his chest and stomach against your backside. If he was asleep it was likely he wouldn’t be…well, aroused. You would be in the uncomfortable position of feeling something against you that you didn’t want to right now. No- it was a sleepy, chaste embrace from behind.

You heard his small snore. Like that of a cat. It was adorable, you had to admit. So no…you didn’t have the heart to move. You felt in his arms that you were safe…no, more than just safe…wanted. Wanted so badly that his subconscious needed you close.

No, YN that’s an illusion, you mused.

And yet…

This is what my life could be…yet he’s a trickster god and full of mischief and flattery, if I became his beloved, he’ll betray me for another…I’m so…so horrible that even a vicar would break what he preaches for another woman’s bed just to get away from me. If that’s what he did, then, what would a god of mischief do!?…and yet-

It was warm and comfortable. If it was an illusion, One that felt real- one that was only real. If only for a few minutes. The embrace was known to husbands and wives and lovers when they slept with limbs entangled. An embrace you were destined to never know… except for now.

Pretending like it was that domestic, loving comfort…you found your own eyes drooping. Back asleep you fell and deeply.

When you woke up that morning, you saw the window on Loki’s side. You felt no arms and no weight anymore on it. It was empty, save for you. The sun seemed especially bright with the snow reflecting off it. It shot into the window, making you squint.

Shifting over in the bed, you realized Loki was already wide awake. Sitting on a chair near the bed, concentrating on the little vanity with a shiny red apple he placed there. With a flick of his hand, the apple vanished in green smoke. Then it would reappear in the next corner. He gave you a smile in greeting.

“Good morning,” he greeted.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“Practicing, my dear. It’s one thing to make a portal. It’s another thing to make something just vanish and take it somewhere else,” he answered.

“You’re working on it?” you cried.

“Practicing all morning. The furthest is four things that are not me. They can be sent several miles away…”

You felt the soft blanket, pulling it up to your chest.

He then used magic to have the apple reappear. He then placed it in his hand, shined it on his clothes, and took a bite with a loud crunch.

“It’s actually pretty easy. If I do it enough, I can do it without thinking.”

“Hmmm, It’s impressive…but please save an apple for me.”

He conjured one and threw it over to you. You caught it with both hands and thanked him.

After gathering more food, both of you mounted the horse and continued your long ride to the cabin. Stopping when needed, especially to check the map.

By now it was the late afternoon. But since Jotunheim was a land of eternal winter, the sky was dark. The snow kept falling and the cold wind kept howling at your side. But Loki’s company made it seem not as bad.

You finished the last of your bread and wiped the crumbs off of your mouth when you dismounted. Loki smiled as he showed you the map.

“Here- it’s not far…we’re almost there,” he promised.

You got out a carrot. The horse perked its ears. You offered it and the creature bit into it. It seemed that carrots were the universal favorite food of any kind of horse. You smiled and patted his long nose.

“What do you think of riding, my dear?” he asked.

“It’s a little nerve-wracking being on a living animal…but it can be fun. I’d like to learn more about it- I’m rather new and here we are.”

“When we return, I should let you practice with the horses we have. Perhaps I could show you how to ride with your legs over or even bareback! I’ve had years of training, you can trust me as an adequate teacher,” Loki proposed.

“Oh, Loki tell me- What kind of lessons does a prince have? What kind of classes or education? It must be interesting!” you commented.

He smiled at you. Going up to lift a hand to gently stroke the horse, brushing against the smooth ice crystals on its body.

“Well then, I remember there were etiquette lessons. Which is as fun for a little boy as you can imagine, but I managed to do well. Then we learned about how to use a sword and then we had to learn all of the history of-”

FWOOSH!

An arrow landed near your feet. You jolted with a small cry of surprise. The horse let out a cry with a raise of his front legs. Loki grabbed the reigns to try to calm him.

“Where did that come from?!” you cried.

You turned around and saw the answer.

Behind you were four men on Jotunheim horses of their own. The sadistic smiles on their faces and the dark armor on their clothes made your stomach heavy. They continued to ride, as one reached behind to get another arrow for his bow.

The breath stopped in your chest.

“Grendel’s men,” Loki breathed.

At once he threw you onto the horse and then got up himself. It was everything in you not to panic on the spot.

The horse galloped and held onto it for dear life. Looking back at the laughing, already triumphant soldiers with terrified eyes. Then you gritted your teeth in defiance of them. You let out a shaking hand, and the next arrows that were fired, you burned to ash to vanish in the wind.

But they were still gaining speed. The hooves of their own horses are like that of the drums before an execution. Loki kept urging the horse forward, too focused to create a duplicate or an illusion.

As all of you raced, you gained some distance away from them. Then they then fired another arrow. Faster than your flames could catch it.

Loki let out a yell of pain. You screamed out of instinct- an arrow landed in Loki’s right shoulder. It was black, full of grey smoke out of it like it was burning.

“YN, get it out! Quick!” he urged at you.

You let out a gasp and a small cry on instinct. But he kept riding. You turned around, and swiftly jerked it out, Loki letting out another groan of pain.

He then looked at the arrow in your hand, its swirling magic around it. His jaw dropped.

“No!” he exclaimed.

“What is it?” you asked.

“t’s a Kunnigr arrow! They are known for eventually draining one of magic!” he explained.

“What?! No!”

Loki shot out only a little green light from his hands.

“It’s still there, but it’s running out…”

He then suddenly stopped the horse. He at once pulled you down to your feet.

“Loki- what are you doing?!” you cried.

He looked at you. Sadness and resolve on his face. Your heart beat hard in your chest. He then grabbed your shoulders and looked you in the eye.

“Quick-listen to me- listen to me, YN darling! While I still have a little magic- I’m going to send you far from them. Go. Go find the Cabin. Find the Orb. Here-”

He gave you a pocket watch from his pocket, placing it in your hand.

“When you do, Get a signal to Asgard. Someone will see it- and they will get you.”

“Loki- no! Just transport yourself too! I’m not leaving this realm without you!”

An arrow was shot, and you both narrowly dodged it. But a few inches and- you realized with dread- it would have hit you.

“I am armed, I can fight them- but we’re outnumbered. Their arrows could make you lose your magic. And they won’t stop until they have at least one of us. I only have enough magic to save the horse and the brave woman I made a bargain with. …”

Deep in your gut, you knew he was right. And you hated it. His smile was so beautiful, so sad. You felt as if your heart was both being ripped into pieces and bursting at once.

“This is for you…I’m proud of you, my little mortal.”

“Loki-” you voiced.

He lifted a hand and flicked the wrist.

With the last bit of magic he had left, green smoke appeared around you. The horse whinnied as the smoke surrounded it too And you vanished from the scene.

The Green smoke surrounded your vision. Then at once it drifted away and you were far off into a snowy woods in Jotunheim. It was lined with fur trees full of beautiful snow around them like necklaces. Only some were normal trees where they settled on their branches in blankets. You heard the horse trotting around, brushing its lips and shaking its mane.

You felt light headed You were safe, alive. A far distance off.

Then a few uncontrollable tears began to stream down your face, feeling like they could turn to ice against your skin. You felt like there was a hole in your chest. But your senses were alerting you…the cabin was close. Wiping your nose with your sleeve, you took the reigns of the horse and you both walked forward. It wasn’t too long- only ten minutes of walking, despite the frigid wind paining your face…

And there it was. Sure enough, there was the cabin.

The door was unlocked. Already there was a blazing hearth in fireplace, a warm bed full of thick quilts, and a table full of food that was still fresh. Chopped wood for the hearth sat in a pile next to an iron pot to use for cooking. When you walked over to the hearth, you could tell, right in the fireplace was the orb glowing bright orange. The source of this light and comfort, though you were certain no one lived here.

You got out the pocket watch from your side… you knew you should alert them. You knew you had it. It was what he told you to do…but could not make it to twelve to give the signal.

Loki…Loki…it then hit you, the weight on you. What he did…for the mission. And for you.

He was armed. He could fight them. The training he had all of his life couldn’t have been for nothing. But he was outnumbered. But still…without magic and outnumbered! Perhaps killed already!

You couldn’t stand it. You couldn’t abandon him…and that was if he was still alive.

Despite your shaking, and your crying, your senses reached back. There was a mountain nearby. A familiar mountain…

And someone who would know if Loki still breathed.

You gathered a bundle of firewood and put them in your bag. Then you mounted the horse, both legs swinging off the saddle. Despite your nerves, your determination shot you forward. You were going to learn of Loki’s fate.

If he was dead, then you would go back to Asgard. It would be too risky to get his body. Tell the AllFather and AllMother of his last deed. So at least after his life, he would finally be seen as an equal, as a hero. And if he lived…you would do whatever you could to find him. Get him back.

You led the horse towards where you sensed the mountain and found the entrance. The place where the Jotun Prophet lived.

You rushed inside the cave. You down some of the wood and lit it with your fire. It crackled against the cave in echoes, its light illuminating the dark cave.

“Prophet! Prophet! Here’s my offering! Hurry! Please! It’s an emergency! I must speak with you- now!” you begged. Your voice echoed off into the infinity of black inside.

Sure enough, there were blue lights that glowed on the wall. And out walked the Jotun Prophet. Still with his proud, knowing smile.

“Oh, Mortal Lady, it’s you again…have you gained the wisdom to become engaged to an ugly priest this time? As you must have figured out by now, They don’t get half the attention from other women as the handsome ones do!”

You took a few steps forward. His red eyes remained calm and his smile remained gentle.

“This isn’t about any of that! It’s about Loki! He’s in danger! He could be hurt- or worse! Grendel’s soldiers ambushed us and he used the last of his magic to send me away! Please, Prophet, tell me one thing at least- is Loki still alive? Or are they going to kill him? Is this how he dies?”

The Jotun Prophet scratched his chin.

“Hmm, a god in distress...” he mused. He accepted the firewood. With some magic, it floated up in the air.

“They might have killed him by now- please! I’m begging you! Is Loki alive?”

The Jotun Prophet held up a hand as if to get you to calm down.

“They have abducted him. They’re tormenting him…but he is alive. There is nothing they love more than toying with their victims before they kill. But Loki is too valuable a prisoner for them to end his life just yet. They could use him to bribe the royal family of Asgard, hold him for the price of their domination of the kingdom or an alliance…so at least no killing yet. Even the most foolish of Grendel’s men know that.”

You breathed a sigh of relief, the dizziness washing down you. Your vision blurred from the high and then returned back. The Prophet wasn’t retreating- so you asked another question.

“Tell me where he is! Where have they taken him?” you pleaded.

“They are…southeast from here, a few leagues.”

The Prophet lifted a blue finger and pointed in that direction.

Once you journey down there, you will sense where they are clear as day. They are camped at the ends of another great mountain. You will see smoke- a fire they made there. There you may find Loki. There you may save him. What a lucky coincidence you found that cabin…just take him there after. Let him rest his injuries..”

New tears came down your face, tears of deep gratitude.

“Thank you…”

You began to turn to hurry off. But after a few steps, you heard The Prophet call out.

“Oh! Mortal Lady! One more thing!”

You turned right around, nearly skidding on your feet. He walked up to be closer to you, the firewood floating by his side.

“Brunhilde flowers,” the prophet said.

“Brunhilde flowers?” you repeated, tasting the words in your mouth.

“Named for the strength of the renowned Valkyrie. They grow in Jotunheim. You can find them growing outside the cabin. It will restore strength and even magic to anyone. The petals and bulb are very bitter to the taste but crushed up and steeped in boiled water, it makes a decent tea. To make it work faster, It should take two days and one cup of tea or one flower per day. Along with long hours of rest. If he exerts himself, it will slow the healing down. Then his magic will return in its entirety. So be patient,” the Prophet explained.

He began to turn and walk into the dark. But you took one step closer to where he walked.

“So all I do is find the flowers and give it to Loki?” you questioned.

The Prophet paused. Then he turned around, with a small, if not mischievous smile.

“That is, if you wish to complete your True Love’s healing.”

Long Ride

I have time to whip up a smutty fic before heading to work. Please do enjoy - I will edit this once I get a hold of my laptop.

If you like Loki or Adam OLLA fic, feel free to check out my Masterlist

Summary: You and Loki are bound for a long journey - the best way to counter the boredom? Fuck, of course.

Warnings: 18+, minors DNI, casual sex

"This is too much! Do you think it's too much? I honestly think this is too much" you mumbled as you approach Loki. While Loki stood staring at how beautiful you were in that Emerald dress Frigga gifted you, you were shifting uncomfortably the whole time as you drew closer. The dress accented all your nice features, cinching your waist and pushing up your breasts. Features that you normally hide when you don your regular clothing.

Despite being noble-born, you loathed all efforts to be perfectly prim and proper - that includes wearing fancy dresses. That didn't stop your family from forcing you to learn it though This time though, it's different. You will be sent as an envoy along with Loki to Alfheim to discuss diplomatic relationships with their king.

Odin and Frigga decided it would be best to have you tag along because other than your ethereal beauty, you are a capable fighter and an even better strategist. You are also Loki's closest friend (and all of Asgard except you know how you could minimize Loki's mischief because of his ever-growing interest in you)

"Y/N, you look exquisite. It would be a shame to hide your beauty from the world," a selfish part of him was indeed wishing to hide you away from the ravenous looks of men around you. He offered his hand to guide you as you alight the grand carriage.

" Please, isn't there any other way? We could ride horses on the way there and I can just change once we're near," you pouted as you slump your bum to the soft cushion underneath.

" I'm afraid that would not be possible, y/n. Please bear with it. It's a long journey and we will need all our energy" he sighed as he tried to reassure you, slowly closing the door of the carriage.

The ride went on for a few hours and despite your occasional conversation with Loki, you got a bit bored and a bit horny too. Loki noticed your devilish grin at him. "I am not sure if I like that grin on you" he spoke.

"I am bored and I am horny - the least you could do for me now is unbutton your trousers" your statement caused Loki to get an erection which you immediately noticed.

He looked bewildered but he unbuckled his pants, revealing a throbbing cock underneath. Your eyes grew wide in amazement. You've known Loki for ages but never in your wildest dreams did you imagine him having such a gargantuan member.

He lightly stroked himself in front of you, palming his dick as he spread his thighs. You kneeled in front of him, taking over using both of your hands as you lick the underside of his dick causing him to moan in pleasure. Your hands continued at a slow and steady pace as your tongue flicked and licked, lapping the precum leaking from the tip. You stifled a gag as you guided his member into your mouth, slowly burrowing deeper until you were balls deep. Loki grabs a fistful of your hair to guide you in and out as he bucks his hips, feeling the walls of your throat and mouth clenching. His grip tightened and his voice groaned as he shoots loads of cum directly which you swallowed without any traces left. He was chasing his breath but he knew he had to return the favor.

He grips your hips up so you could straddle him, your legs spreading from either side of his thighs. He pulls your dress down to reveal plump breasts which he hungrily suckled and grope, making you moan in ecstasy in his ear. With one hand, he hiked your skirt up so he could reach your warm mound. With one hand supporting your back, and his mouth leaving love marks on your breasts, he started exploring your nether regions with his free hand. Rubbing lazy circles on your nub as fluid starts to pool underneath. He carefully inserted and thrust his digits inside you which reached all the sweet spots inside, making your body shudder as you reached the high of your orgasm.

With a still-hard cock, he guides it directly into your wet folds. His eyes rolled back from the sweet sensation of entering for warm and tight pussy. Your head was resting on the crook of his neck, your warm breath grazing his skin. He wanted to take it slow so you could adjust to his size but a large bump on the road made sure that didn't happen - he glided straight down inside of you making you wince in both pain and pleasure. His warm, labored breaths were evident as your lips and tongues danced against each other in a lust-filled haze. Without breaking contact, he hastened his thrust inside you making you cum once more, flooding his cock inside you and excess leaking out, creating squelching sounds as he continues to rut inside you. He held you tightly as your walls clasped his cock, making him release loads of his seed inside you. You slumped on top of him from exhaustion, your arms still outstretched around his neck as he planted small kisses on your warm flesh.

"How's that for a ride, darling?" he asked.

"Much much better" you responded, panting.

"We still have a long journey ahead. I guess you know what that means"

"So much for saving energy. Fuck me whenever you feel like it, Loki" you whispered before drifting to sleep.

Balsam Chapter 2: Knife to the Jugular

This is a story about trauma. What trauma does to a person, and what trauma does to a community. And how, in the midst of it, people find their way to joy, delight— even love.

Pairing: Joel Miller x original female character Summary: After the events of tlou, Joel and Ellie try to establish a “normal life” in Jackson, but neither of them are any good at normal. A town doctor tries to care for residents who have experienced unspeakable trauma, and struggles to overcome her own past at the same time. Joel finds himself drawn to her, as their lives become increasingly intertwined. Meanwhile, outside Jackson, troubling things are happening... Rating: explicit 18+ MDNI Word count: 6k Warnings: slow burn (there will be smut eventually), canon-typical violence, descriptions of medical situations, trauma/PTSD symptoms, description of a dead body, some sexual harassment, sexual dream and thoughts about sex and masturbation (m), Ellie and Joel figuring out how to be family, Tommy and Joel figuring out how to be family, angst

Series masterlist

Joel had known she’d be pissed, but didn’t realize she’d be this pissed. The look she was giving him as he finished packing his bag was downright hateful. He looked away, concentrated on tightly rolling a change of clothes to fit in the bottom of the pack.

“Ellie, I told you it was gonna be a regular thing,” he said, trying to keep his voice stern. She needed to understand that this was how it was going to be, and he was afraid if she saw him soften she’d never let up the pressure.

“Patrol every week is not just a regular thing, Joel. It’s a fucking job.”

“So what? Everybody in Jackson has a job.”

“Yeah, like baking bread or feeding sheep. Jobs that are, you know, actually in Jackson.”

He sighed. As usual, she had his number: he didn’t want to be in Jackson, and he was doing what he could to get away. 

But he also very much wanted her to be in Jackson, where he knew she was safe. Where she could do normal things, like go to school and make friends. Hell, maybe even get a boyfriend. Be a kid, in other words.

He looked at her, standing in the doorway of his room, arms crossed over her chest and jaw set murderously. She was backlit by the hallway light, which caught gold on the strands of hair that had come loose from her ponytail. Half angel, half juvenile delinquent.

“Why can’t I just go with you?”

He shoved the clothes into his bag and gave her an exasperated look. “Ellie, we’ve been over this. No kids on patrol.”

“I’m not just some kid,” she spat. “I’ve survived out there with you!”

His mind stuttered with sudden images of what was out there: a rain of gunfire, hordes of infected, blood on the snow. He shut the thoughts down, forced his face into a mask of careful neutrality before meeting her eyes. He would never, never let her get so close to danger again.

“You are a kid, Ellie. You belong in Jackson, where it’s safe. Go make friends with someone your own age.”

She slammed the door so hard he could feel the frame of the house rattle.

They were meeting at the stables to tack up their horses and go over the route for the day. It was well below freezing this early in the morning and the muddy ground under her boots was frozen in ruts and craters. Nina looked up at the sky as she sidled through the barn door; in the west, the last stars were fading into a violet smudge against the horizon. 

She was pleased to see Joel Miller there along with Tommy— he struck her as someone more than capable of handling threats. And he was quiet, which she considered a great asset in a patrol partner. She left Jackson rarely, although she loved the rough mountain landscape around the town. When she was out there she wanted a little space in which to appreciate it.

She was less pleased to see Isaac. She recognized his rangy frame as she approached the group. He still— at the age of twenty-two— carried himself like he hadn’t grown into those long limbs and didn’t know what to do with them. Isaac was a sweet kid, but he was soft, and lacked common sense. Worse still, he was an incorrigible talker. She knew Tommy was trying to train him up, get him more used to patrols. A laudable goal, but she’d rather not be personally involved in it.

“What’s up, Doc?” Isaac called out to her, then laughed at his own joke. She nodded to him, then to Tommy and Joel.

Tommy gave her a close-lipped smile, but he looked a little uneasy, his eyes tired. Poor guy probably didn’t want to be leaving Maria, who was too far along to be going on patrols. How would genial, steady Tommy deal with fatherhood, she wondered? Hopefully better than Derek Starkey, with his anxiety and desperation and the problem she still hadn’t found a way to unknot. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you go on patrol before,” Isaac remarked, materializing at her side as she brushed Marlene, her favorite horse. “So how come we lucked out today?”

“Usually there’s too much for me to do in town. But I need to harvest some plants,” she replied. Marlene nickered softly as she swept the curry brush down her flank. 

“Sweet! A foraging trip!” She kept her eyes trained on her horse and prayed that he’d be quiet once they hit the trail.

Maria had given the girl a few hours before going over there. Figured that if she had a chance to calm down it would go better. Joel had warned her this morning that Ellie was not too pleased about him leaving again. She was unsurprised— the girl had a temper, and living with Joel was not exactly the best setting in which to learn health coping skills.

Now she was standing on the front steps, growing increasingly inpatient as she waited for Ellie to answer her knocks.

“Ellie!” She pounded again at the door, standing on her toes to peer through the window. It was too dark inside to see anything. 

“I’m way too pregnant to be standing out here in this weather, girl,” she yelled. “If you don’t open this time, I’m going to leave, but I’ll be coming back with someone to help me take the door off its hinges.”

Finally, Maria heard the sound of footsteps approaching, followed by the deadbolt sliding back. Then Ellie was standing there in the door frame, glaring daggers at her.

“Fine, I’m here. Now what?”

Maria gave her what she hoped read as a sympathetic smile, although at this point she was mostly feeling exasperated by the drama. “I know you’re upset about—”

“I’m not upset,” Ellie interrupted brusquely. “I was just in the back room and didn’t hear you.”

The girl was obviously full of shit, but Maria wasn’t going to fight with her on this. It wasn’t worth the time. Instead, she turned back toward her house and beckoned at Ellie to follow her.

“C’mon over. I made lunch.”

Ellie followed her, literally dragging her feet as she walked. Maria sighed. She wasn’t exactly thrilled about the next two days herself. Last time Joel had gone on patrol, Tommy’d been at home, and he’d put on his best ‘fun uncle’ routine for Ellie. It had worked, at least to an extent: Ellie’d been irritable, but she hadn’t locked herself in any houses. Now with Tommy and Joel both gone it was just the two of them, and she had no one to give her a break when Ellie wore her patience thin.

They sat at the table in her kitchen, and Maria ladled them both big bowls of soup. There was bread, fresh from the bakery this morning, and a dish of sweet cream butter. Her mouth watered: she was hungry pretty much all the time these days.

After a few minutes of silent eating, Maria finally spoke.

“You know, I wasn’t happy about Tommy going on this patrol.”

Ellie gave her a pained look. “Is this your attempt at female bonding?”

Maria was torn between wanting to laugh and wanting to slap the girl. Ellie seemed to have that effect on her— she was young, yes, but she had a sharpness about her that Maria knew not to underestimate.

“No, just saying what I’m thinking. I wish he was back here with me, or that I could be out there with him.”

She didn’t mention that she was particularly alarmed at Tommy being out there with Joel. That she hated how her husband seemed to be less of himself when he was in the shadow of his big brother. She used to just worry about Tommy getting hurt when he went on patrol. Now, since Joel and Ellie had shown back up in Jackson, she’d started worrying about Tommy doing something he’d regret forever. Different ways of losing him.

“You’re due in, like, two months,” Ellie said quietly, looking down at the table. “You’ll be back out on patrol soon. But you don’t let kids go on patrol until they’re eighteen here. I can’t wait four fucking years.” The pain in her voice was clear, and Maria fought the urge to reach out and clasp Ellie’s hand. The girl was too feral to take that well.

“You’re right. It’s a long time.” Maria was quiet for a minute, looking out the window. The sun was bright, climbing into the crystalline blue of the sky. “You can’t go on patrol, but there are a lot of other jobs in Jackson that you would be good at. If you want to show that you can be independent.”

“That I would be good at?” Ellie asked, dubiously.

Maria smiled. “Like working on the farm. I’ve seen how well you interact with the animals.” 

It was early afternoon when they reached the Snake River and stopped to eat. The kid had been talking for almost all of the goddamn ride, mostly at Nina, who he peppered with questions.  Joel was relieved it wasn’t him on the receiving end, but it was still getting old.

“You’re not from Wyoming originally, are you, Doc?” Isaac asked, between bites of his sandwich.

“No,” said Nina flatly. “Indiana.”

“Indiana!” Isaac spoke like this was an exciting fucking answer.  

“She grew up in an Indiana town,” he began to sing, eyes trained on the doctor. “Had a good lookin’ mama who never was around.”

The kid had a surprisingly nice tenor. Nina looked astonished enough by his singing voice that, for a brief moment, the annoyance left her face. But now was the time to stop singing, quit while he was ahead— and of course, Isaac did not. 

It was painful to watch.

“She grew up tall and she grew up right—” here he paused to waggle his eyebrows suggestively— “With them Indiana boys on them Indiana nights! Well, she moved out here—”

“Now that’s where you’re wrong,” Tommy jumped in, putting the kid out of his misery. “Doc clearly didn’t grow up tall.” He kept his voice light, but Joel could see the strain on his features. His little brother’d always been a peacekeeper, and he was clearly regretting putting this patrol team together.

“No, I wouldn’t say ‘tall’ is something I’m known for,” Nina agreed dryly, avoiding Isaac’s eyes.

Tommy slapped his hands against his thighs and stood, in the universal signal for we better get moving.

“Anyways, we don’t have all day to sit around and sing. This is where we split up. I’m goin’ to head up the mountain a little ways—” he pointed off in the distance—“on a spur trail where I can get a better view of the valley. Nina will stay down here and cut willow branches. Joel, why don’t you stay with her and Isaac, you come with me.”

Joel took his time finishing his lunch while Tommy and Isaac mounted their horses and sauntered off toward the thicker woods. They were well out of hearing range when he stood, brushing the crumbs off his jeans.

“I guess Tommy didn’t want you to murder the kid before we’re even halfway through.”

Nina snorted. “Just as well. I don’t think he’ll let me come back on patrol if I kill his little protege.”

Joel fed and watered the horses while Nina set to work, hacking small branches off of the willow thickets that dotted the shore. He looked her way every few minutes, partially to make sure all was still well, but also out of curiosity. 

He noticed she was selecting younger, thinner branches, and skipping over the dense and woody ones. She also seemed to be avoiding the branches that were already sprouting soft leaves, which surprised him— he would’ve thought it was the leaves she was after. She worked quickly, economically, her small frame sliding from bush to bush.

As he was finishing up with the horses, she turned and caught him watching her. He looked away quickly, but not before he saw a wary irritation flicker across her features. She’d put up with enough staring today already, he supposed.

Well, unlike Isaac, he could make himself useful.

“Can I help?”

She stopped what she was doing and turned completely now, as he walked in her direction. “I can go downstream and work on that patch,” he added, pointing a little ways off along the bank. Didn’t want her to think he was going to cling to her like the kid.

“Sure,” she said, and held up the branch she’d just cut to show him. “I only take two or three from each plant, or else they can die. These younger branches are the best— make your cut right at the node so they have a chance to regrow.”

He nodded. “And only branches that aren’t budding yet, right?”

She tilted her head, mildly surprised. “Have you harvested willow bark before?”

“Oh, uh, no.” Joel looked down at her pile of branches. So it was the bark she was gathering, then. “Just noticed, that’s all.”

She inspected the bush in front of her. “It’s a narrow window of time. You want the sap to be flowing, and they can be getting catkins,” she explained, gesturing at the velvety gray spikes that were emerging from the plant. “But no leaves. Once those start growing, the concentration of salicin drops.”

He’d been nodding along as she spoke, but lost her on that last bit. He wasn’t going to ask though— he’d give her a break from questions. Joel trudged down along the snowy bank, stopping in front of a small willow tree and unsheathing his knife.

Once he got into the rhythm of it, cutting the branches was satisfying, meditative work. His hands were cold and stiff in the March air, but the movement kept the rest of him warm enough. He could hear the river flowing behind him, the birds chattering in the forested area ahead. The satisfying shick of his knife, as he swung his arm in an easy rhythm.

He’d been at it for about an hour when he heard something new— hoofbeats, fast, coming from the mountainside. He moved quickly back toward where Nina was working, half crouched to conceal himself behind the brush, swinging his rifle around and lifting it in the direction of the sound. 

If it was Tommy and Isaac, something had happened to make them break into a gallop. And if it was someone else, who knows what kind of trouble they’d be.

As the horse grew closer, he heard the whistle: long and low, long and low, then fast and high. Their signal for ‘all clear.’ His let out a sigh and lowered the gun, just as Isaac rode into sight. He watched the kid approach, waiting for Tommy to follow him out of the trees— but Isaac was alone. Something was definitely not right.

He turned to Nina— she looked as discomfited as he felt. She, too, had a hand on her gun, eyes trained on Isaac as he approached.

“Dr. Connor!” He hollered, a few yards away now. “We found a body. Tommy wants you to go take a look and see if you can figure out how long it’s been there.”

Two figures were in the field in front of the barn, spraying caked mud off of horse tack. Ellie recognized one of them as Old Michael— so called to distinguish him from Big Michael, who was half his age and twice his size. He was small but tough-looking, with a walrus mustache that put Joel’s to shame.

“What can I help you with, chickadee?” Old Michael drawled.

“I want to help look after the animals,” Ellie replied, trying to sound sure of herself.

Old Michael nodded. “Back in that shed is where the kids hang out.” He pointed to a metal building on the far side of a sheep enclosure. “The teenagers handle the dogs.”

“The… dogs?” Ellie replied. This was not what she was expecting.

“Chuy’s trying to train up some new puppies. Cute little things.”

She hesitated. Joel would flip if he found out she was helping with the cordyceps-sniffing dogs. She still didn’t understand why that dog hadn’t sniffed her out that day, when they were surrounded and outgunned in the snowy field. But she knew it wasn’t just a fluke— she’d seen it around town twice, let it sniff her and lick her hands. Each time she waited, expecting this to be the moment she’d have to go fucking kung-fu and kill her way out of Jackson.

But the dog never once alerted on her. If it was going to happen, it would’ve by now.

And also, fuck Joel. He couldn’t leave her behind in this town every week and decide what she got to do and not do while she was stuck here. Go make friends with someone your own age. Ellie didn’t know how to tell Joel that she hadn’t been very good at that, even when she was surrounded by people her own age. Most people her age fucking sucked. But that didn’t entirely stop her from wanting to try.

Ellie headed across the cold field and opened the door of the shed. She blinked a few times to let her eyes adjust to the dimness, and then she saw them: four impossibly soft-looking, black and gold puppies, chasing each other around a metal enclosure. 

“Oh my god,” she breathed, kneeling down to get on their level.

“Pretty fucking adorable, right?” She swiveled her head to see a girl sitting on a hay bale and a boy leaning against the wall. They looked familiar— she’d seen the boy walking the dog around town and the girl at the dining hall. The boy was tall, with floppy black hair and a slightly stooped frame. The girl had a wide mouth and straight, glossy brown hair. Her coat was flung open and Ellie could see the tight white shirt she wore underneath. 

“I’m Brandy,” she said, flashing a dazzling smile.

“Ellie. I’m new to Jackson.” She stood and took a few steps to join them.

“I’ve seen you around town,” the boy said. His face was serious but not unfriendly. “I’m Chuy.”

“You’re the dog guy, right?”

This elicited something close to a smile. “Yeah, I’m the main dog trainer. I learned from my dad.”

“That’s cool,” Ellie said, shoving her hands in her pockets. Fuck, that sounded lame. She wondered how old Chuy and Brandy were— they looked a little older than her, maybe, but not much. “I, uh, was hoping I could learn how to help with them.”

“We can always use extra help. Come on, we’ll show you around.” Brandy jumped off the hay bale and led Ellie to a side room full of supplies. She explained the feeding system, the process of “housebreaking” the puppies, and how they cleaned their pen. Brandy was enthusiastic and foul-mouthed about everything. Chuy followed along, occasionally jumping in with his measured voice to explain or elaborate.

Finally Brandy turned to a small refrigerator in the corner. “This is where we keep the most important shit in here.”

Chuy opened the fridge, revealing a wire rack with several small glass vials, each containing an amber-colored liquid. He lifted one gingerly, and held it out in front of Ellie’s face. His eyes glittered.

“It’s urine, from someone a few hours after they were bit on the leg. Before they changed.”

“What the fuck!” Ellie stepped backward, almost tripping over a food bowl.

Brandy threw her head back and laughed. Ellie looked from her to Chuy, and from Chuy to the vial, and back to Brandy. Both of them were laughing now, and Ellie felt a flush of blood to her face. She put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes.

“Okay, but why do you have a vial of almost-infected piss?”

“This stuff is more valuable than gold,” Chuy explained with a dramatic air. “When we train the dogs to recognize this smell, they can detect an infected person before they’re full blown. And they can tell us.”

“And how the fuck did you get it?”

“It’s from the FEDRA medical facility outside of San Francisco. There’s this guy Mo who steals from them and a bunch of other places. He travels through here a few times a year and trades with us,” Chuy explained.

“He gets all the best medications for Dr. Connor. She’s waiting for him to come back because she’s almost out of some important supplies,” Brandy added.

Chuy pushed her arm playfully. “She thinks she’s hot shit because she’s Dr. Connor’s little assistant.”

“You’ll be happy I know how to fix broken bones when Clemons catches you with his porn collection and smashes your fucking nose in,” Brandy retorted. Chuy gave her a censorious look.

“Why does FEDRA keep infected pee? Do they use it to make their detectors?” Ellie felt her heart hammering against her ribcage. The FEDRA detectors, unlike the dog, had caught her. What if the dogs just needed more training to figure it out?

“Nah, they keep all kinds of infected people locked up there to study them. But their detectors just use antibodies. All infected people produce them,” Chuy explained. “You can’t train dogs on antibodies they because they freak out if there’s a bunch of infected around—the smell is too much for them and they go crazy. With this stuff though, they only smell people who are turning. And those are the people you need it for, because once someone’s fully infected you don’t need a dog to tell you.”

“It’s fucking genius,” Brandy added. “Those FEDRA detectors need batteries and spare parts, and you’re, like, constantly fixing them. But all the dogs need is food and water and they live for years.” Ellie watched her lips move as she spoke, plump and petal-pink. She felt her stomach flip.

“My dad’s an organic chemist. He was the one who discovered that dogs can detect volatile organic compounds human cells give off when they’re being killed by cordyceps.” Chuy talked like he was some kind of teacher— like he was smart but he knew he was smart. “The compounds get concentrated in urine but they’re also in breath and sweat, so once dogs recognize the smell they can pick it out on anyone who’s been bit.”

“Well I must have missed that day in science class when they talked about how infected piss smells.”

Chuy looked mildly hurt but Brandy laughed loudly, and Ellie felt warmth bloom across her chest. She smiled.

Tommy had climbed back up to the trail to wait. From there he could keep an eye on the body, several yards down the slope, and be better positioned to watch for the rest of the patrol arriving— or anyone else.

He held his 700 tightly, feeling his palms sweating against the stock. He breathed deeply, willing his heart to slow down, as he swept his eyes back and forth across the forest, watching for signs of movement. Tommy didn’t like being alone out here, but he hadn’t wanted to leave the body and he needed Nina’s expertise here.

The body’d looked rough. Hard to tell what was from being out here in the elements and what was from however the poor guy had died. But the eyes were missing, for one. And the lips.

He was relieved when he heard hoofs, followed shortly by a whistled ‘all clear.’ The three of them rounded the bend in the trail in quick succession: Isaac, then Nina, and Joel bringing up the rear.

Nina dismounted and followed his gaze down the scrubby slope to where the body lay. “I take it you didn’t see it on your last patrol? When was the last time you took this trail?”

“Two weeks ago. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t here then.”

She nodded, handing her horse’s lead to Isaac. “Alright then, I better go have a look.”

“Wait— I’ll go down there with you. ’S not far, but best we don’t split up right now.”

They picked their way back down the ravine, holding onto tree trunks to slow themselves and avoid slipping on the carpet of pine needles. The body had settled into a relatively level section, where a small outcropping of rocks had formed a ledge. It was face up, looking straight at the sky, clad in a camo jacket and jeans that were now painted dark with old blood. Hard to tell how old he’d been, what with part of his goddamn face missing, but maybe fifties? A balding man, with a yellow beard.

Nina seemed unaffected by the sight of him, kneeling down by his face to get a closer look. She reached for the arm closest to her and bent it upward slowly, then set it down. Next, she lifted the forearm, bending the elbow.

“Well, he’s cold as ice but not very stiff. Probably been at least three days out here in this weather, if rigor mortis has worn off.” She looked up at him. “Not that I’m an expert on this or anything.”

“You’ll have to do, Columbo.” Tommy felt relieved— three days made it less likely they’d run into whoever or whatever had killed the man. “Do you have any idea what happened to him?”

He watched while she looked the guy over in detail. Rolled up his sleeves and pant legs, lifted up his shirt, closely inspected the mutilated face. Finally she tilted his head back, revealing a yawning slit cut through his neck, just below his jaw.

“I think that’s it, boss. Knife to the jugular.”

“And what about…” Tommy gestured vaguely at the cadaver’s face.

Nina shrugged. “I think he just got eaten by animals. Those are the softest parts.”

Oh. Well, that was better than the alternative. He wiped his palms on his jacket and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He shouldn’t let a single body rattle him so much— lord knew he’d seen plenty of them. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more dangerous than usual out here, something sinister that was increasingly encroaching on his home.

“It doesn’t look like he was infected, so that probably wasn’t the motive,” Nina added as they began to climb back up to the trail. “Didn’t have a bag or anything on him, so maybe it was a robbery.”

“Either way, we better be real fuckin’ careful in this area. No more splitting up— we’ll all go on to the campsite together.”

—

The fire flickered and crackled, outside the old ranger station where they were spending the night. Nina watched the flames as she sat peeling strips of bark from her haul of willow branches. Her harvesting session had been cut short by the discovery of the corpse, but thanks to Joel’s contribution she should have enough.

The men were passing around a flask, but she’d demurred. None of them were exactly strangers, and she didn’t get the sense that they intended to harm her. But she was always vigilant when she was outnumbered by men. Alcohol, rather than taking the edge off, only made her panicked— she could feel her senses softening and blurring, and knew that her ability to outfight and outsmart was being compromised.

Isaac had been quiet for about an hour or so after they found the body, but he’d warmed back up to his usual self. He’d set up at her left side, leaning back against a log with his long legs stretched out toward the fire.

“So what exactly is this stuff?” She could smell the whiskey on his breath as he leaned over, inspecting her handiwork.

“It’s basically aspirin. It’s where it came from, originally.” She cut loose another long scrap of bark and flicked it into her bag.

“So you use it for pain?”

“Mmhmm. And fever, and heart issues.”

“Shit, half the older folks in Jackson drink that stuff daily. It’s a hot commodity,” Tommy added. He turned to Joel with a smile. “You might be interested in it, old man.”

Joel smirked, then looked at her. His eyes reflected the dancing flames. “Just might.”

“Okay, but there’s something else I have to know,” Isaac jumped back in. “Why do they call it pussy willow?” He let out a loud laugh. 

Jesus Christ, he was insufferable. She gave him a look that she hoped made her feelings clear.

“I actually know that one,” Joel spoke. Her gaze flicked to his face, not sure if he was coming to her rescue or about to make a joke at her expense. “It’s those little furry things that grow on ‘em in the spring.” He pointed at one of the branches, dotted with their distinctive fuzzy flowers. “Folks thought they looked like little cat tails. Even call ‘em catkins.”

“Well whaddaya know,” Tommy drawled, taking another sip from the flask.

“Huh.” Isaac barely acknowledged the answer to his question before barreling on with another. “How did you learn which of these plants can be used for medicine?”

Nina shrugged. “Some from books. Some from asking people.”

“Did you always want to be a—um— herbalist? Like when you were a little girl?”

She raised her eyebrows incredulously. “No, I grew up in the suburbs of Indianapolis. We had nationally ranked hospitals.”

“Oh man. I forget you grew up before the outbreak. You look so young!” His eyes roved over her face, her body. She’d had about enough.

“Isaac, do you actually think I’m going to have sex with you?”

“What?! No, I just— no, that’s not what I meant,” the kid stuttered, taken aback.

“Because, let me tell you— I absolutely will not. Even if I wasn’t way to old for you, precisely nothing about you interests me. So you can give it a rest.”

Because Isaac wasn’t good at hiding anything, she could see the emotions play out across his face as her words hit. Hurt, embarrassment, anger. Kid was an open book. But at least he was fucking quiet. He stood, turned away from the fire, and grabbed his rifle.

“I’ll take the first watch,” he said roughly, as he walked out toward the edge of their camp.

It was silent for a long moment. Then Tommy spoke. 

“Jesus, Nina. Did you have to be so hard on the kid?”

She looked at him sharply, but didn’t bother responding. She didn’t need to justify herself to him.

“Oh come off it, Tommy,” Joel said, giving his brother a hard stare. “That kid needed put in his place.”

Tommy threw his hands up. “In case you didn’t notice, Joel, we’ve got four people alone in the woods, with who knows what kinds of danger around us. You saw that body today. We gotta stick together out here.”

“Then we need Isaac to get his act together. That boy’s softer’n puppy shit on a rainy day. Gotta toughen up a bit.”

Nina stood, putting away her work and folding her knife. She grabbed her pack and her sleeping bag and headed in to the cabin to get ready for bed. “G’night guys,” she called over her shoulder at the brothers. She’d let them work their own shit out.

Nina walked into the room where he lay sick and pulled the blanket off of his body. Joel stared helplessly up at her black eyes, his limbs so heavy with fever he couldn’t lift them. He couldn’t move or speak. But as she bent down and pressed her soft lips against his cheek, he felt every nerve in his body lighting up and coming alive. “I’m going to take care of you,” she whispered huskily into his skin. She licked a trail down his neck, his chest, and then his stomach, as she moved to kneel between his legs.

Joel woke up with a start, heart pounding in his chest. 

For a moment his heart sank, as the deliciousness of the dream evaporated and he found himself in his sleeping bag on the cold floor.

Then the mortification hit. Nina was sleeping just a few yards away, and Isaac too; Tommy was outside on second watch. His erection had pushed through the fly of his boxers and was pressing painfully against the zipper of his jeans. Jesus Christ.

He turned from his back to his side, angling himself away from the sleeping figures as he adjusted himself. He listened to Nina’s even breaths and Isaac’s faint snoring, and willed his body to calm the fuck down. Counted backwards, tried to think about sewage duty in Boston QZ.

He hadn’t been taking care of things often enough, clearly, if he was about to have a goddamn wet dream at the age of fifty-six. He hadn’t exactly felt comfortable jacking off when he’d been on the road with Ellie, and even back in Jackson he struggled to find a quite moment to rub one out.  Wasn’t used to sharing living quarters with a rude teenager who might barge in on you at any moment.

Joel was, as a matter of fact, used to sharing living quarters with a grown woman, who would help him out in this department from time to time. Or rather they would help each other out. 

They’d been good together—perfect, in some ways. Tess knew just how to touch him, how to get the job done at the end of a long day. She knew how to calm him when his temper sparked out of control, how to direct his energies toward something useful, how to give him space when the darkness threatened to overwhelm him.

She knew not to ask him for more than he could give.

Unexpectedly then, he felt a sob start to rise up in his throat. He bit it back, pressed the pads of his thumbs hard into the corners of his eyes. Get it together, Joel.

Maybe when they got back to Jackson he’d ask Tommy about the unattached women in town. If there was someone around his age who might be looking for a little fun on the side, and who was unlikely to get too attached.

As strong of an effect as the doctor seemed to have on him, she was too young. And he didn’t want to see a repeat of Isaac’s brutal rejection, but with old Joel Miller on the receiving end.

Notes: I tried to come up with a biologically plausible explanation for why the dogs can detect infected but not Ellie, and I'm pretty happy with it. The whole thing with the FEDRA detectors using antibodies is extremely preposterous, though.

The idea about the corpse missing eyes and lips came from the sublimely creepy (and real!) Dyatlov Pass Incident.

please tell me about your dnd campaign, stranger

hi hi hi hi hi hi hi do you have any idea how happy i am to get this ask. you have activated my trap card this is going to be SO long i am sorry in advance but The People Need To Know About My D&D Campaign.

so we’re playing in Adventures in Middle Earth, which is. supposedly a Tolkienverse-specific 5e mod but frankly it’s robust enough to fully count as its own system if you ask me. like it has its own guidebooks, character sheets, premade adventures, and features mechanics that 5e just straight up doesn’t have. it’s like if 5e were actually good. anyway. may i present to you:

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ The Mirkwood Campaign ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

so what, exactly, happened in the intervening years between the events of the Hobbit and LOTR? we did, BAYBEEEEEE!!

we are:

Murdoc, a hobbitish warden (adventures in middle earth’s version of a bard), played by yours truly!! raised in the shire and eventually moved out to the middle of mirkwood by an eccentric uncle who idolizes bilbo baggins, murdoc is the heir apparent to the brandybuck family inn. unfortunately for murdoc, he has developed extremely nasty prophetic dreams and is now burdened with the ability to see the future! a skill that has definitely left him with a very normal relationship to his new day job of Being An Adventurer!! i am unhinged and have uh. Talked About Him A LOT If You Care To Read This, but he is full of murderous rage and also tea and loves his friends very much. he also, more recently, surrendered himself as bait to the great werewolf plaguing mirkwood, trusting completely that his friends would come and save him. he was right. they did. and he lost his right hand in the process. :)

Ríros, an elven warrior (aime version of a fighter), played by @jaz-the-bard. tall, buff, sunshiny, and an absolute himbo. ALSO loves his friends VERY much and this is KEY. unfortunately for ríros, he is a redhead, and that does cause problems in a world where maedhros feänorion once existed. (stranger, i am so sorry if you are not one of my silmarillion regulars and did not know what you were getting into by asking me, a silmarillion blog, to tell you about my d&d campaign, and now have no idea who or what the fuck i am talking about). ríros is notably not maedhros though! he isn't even noldorin!! maedhros is a ghost who lives in his sword (and who is also played by jaz)! and who also maybe kind of accidentally possessed him one time, if you wanna read this here for a better explanation of ríros mostly but also all of the above.

The Bearer, a human slayer (aime barbarian), played by @thymo-leonta. grumpy old man. unwilling father to all these young and stupid adventurers he’s been stuck with. are they all adults? yeah sure. they’re still Children. we are making him go grey. also full of murderous rage. looks like he's running from his perfectly normal, happy, loving family. is actually acutely aware of the fact that he has been doomed to die. killed the werewolf that took murdoc's hand. as a consequence, became the werewolf that took murdoc's hand. has two dogs, both named Dog <3

Déorwyn, a human wanderer (aime ranger), played by @shadowkat2000. resident party Horse Girl. a fellow sufferer of The Bad Prophetic Dreams^TM. because this is not quite unfortunate enough for her, déorwyn Hears Dead People. apparently our GM gives her extra secret bonus ghosts that the rest of us do not hear or know about! this being the source of her foresight makes her pretty distinct from murdoc, despite them both seemingly suffering from the same thing, in ways that i have LOTS of emotions about. her horse is named windrider and Their Bond Is Unbreakable uwu

and @potatoobsessed999, our obligatorily Extremely Ominous GM!

(we are also occasionally joined by Ioreth, a human treasure hunter (aime rogue), whose player is unfortunately not on tumblr. a founding member of the party, has earned the epithet The Feral, mostly loves to hang out in the woods by herself, look for shiny things, and cause chaos. as a beorning, she CAN astral-project herself as a bear. it rules. once got possessed by a ringwraith, probably holds the most compassion for characters who have been through similar out of any of us. is usually covered in mud.)

initially in the employ of radagast the brown, a tenure that did not last due to murdoc's insistence that saruman is evil (i mean. yeah lol.), we're a group of adventurers traveling mirkwood with the aim to defend it as sauron slowly gathers power. we are

very

successful at the Fighting And Killing Things part of this

we specialize in:

lugging unconscious bodies through the woods!

lugging DEAD bodies through the woods!

lugging EACH OTHER'S bodies through the woods!

lugging things through the woods in general!

setting things on fire (usually murdoc's fault)!

making fun of our enemies so bad they just give up!

INCLUDING the ringwraiths (shoutout to ríros)!

serving annoying politicians subpoenas!

murdering them like the one time it was totally justified we promise!

accidentally convincing the council of mirkwood that murdoc's inn is a small fiefdom!

being generally cursed (except for ríros) (he just looks that way)!

HIRE US to take care of whatever problems are happening in YOUR local cursed forest! wights? patricidal politicians? generally awful politicians? sauron? the same fucking werewolf again? it's definitely just tuesday to us!

you can count on

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ the union of murdoc ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

anyhow, jaz is absolutely wonderful and has written several fics of our party, including (but not limited to):

Cooking Contest for the Free Peoples, based on an in-game conversation about beating sauron at competitive cooking,

In Which There Are More Ghosts, which is not canon to game but is in fact Extremely Representative of the exact kind of nonsense we get up to (campaign's haunted),

A Stranger With a Friend's Face, a canon to game horror story of how ríros got slightly possessed, the party acquired maedhros, and neither murdoc nor déorwyn managed to explain the presence of the vengeful ghost residing in murdoc's scepter and bullying him in his dreams to any of the rest of the party right up until this very moment,

and this wonderful drabble from the horror arc in which we were isolated inside of a haunted longhouse. complete with party memes here.

there's more, and i am going to a.) pick on jaz to add them if they can find them, and b.) pick on my beloved friends in general to Please Help Me Infodump About our Game!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Top to Bottom, Left to Right: Murdoc, the Bearer, Déorwyn, Ríros, Ioreth]

A) your "the gods fucking suck sometimes" post came across my dash at a really good time in my own practice, which I feel like so many of your posts do, Chicken, and thank you for that.

B) i don't really engage with the witchcraft community except for lurking, so I guess who am I to talk, but i'm really becoming frustrated with the amount of beginner-friendly stuff on this website that tells people that 'everything they've heard about witchcraft is wrong so don't worry.' I wonder whether it comes from a place of fear deep-set within witches from a, well, Christian society of being seen as something they're not - and I don't imagine it's necessarily malicious, rather it comes from a place of comfort within their craft (ah, well I haven't suffered for years, so nobody else possibly could!) and a personal effort to distance themselves from an ingrained stereotype of witchcraft, which results in downplaying a lot of the things that align with that........

Regardless of intention people learn from that, become more experienced themselves, and when that leads to dismissing the experience of your fellow practitioners/assuming your craft and aspects of it are universal that's going well overboard

A) I am glad to hear it was helpful :)

B) At this point in time I'm not even talking about like, tricksters (and when people say that, I think they just mean "liars," the trickster archetype really needs a new PR team), demonolatry, or evil gods. I'm talking about regular, normal witchcraft!

People can have beautiful, fulfilling paths that are never dangerous, and then decide to deepen their connection by entering into intense ritual work with a local spirit for a year. And that work becomes demanding, and exhausting, and they have to make sacrifices to maintain it. And sometimes they ask if it was really the right choice.

It's not just about danger! It just sucks sometimes!

I had a tumultuous few early years of witchcraft, but even now when my path is feeling so much more comfortable and fulfilling and really like my true home, I still have responsibilities. Do I want to go to sabbat every 28 days? No! I'm lazy! I want to play Sims 4!

But I can't stop going, because I need to go. Because I love my spirit family. Because it's a part of me finding my true home in this world. I need those things.

It's just also sometimes a chore. You know?

I have spells I need to upkeep for my life to go how I want it to go. I have to take care of them. It can be tedious. Sims 4 has horses now. You know? It's 110 degrees outside. I don't want to walk around the property giving myself a sinus headache from the dust, checking on wards. But what else am I gunna do?

I'm not saying that the two modes are "safe" and "dangerous." I'm just saying, witchcraft can be burdensome. And not everyone is in a position where they can "just change it."

So yeah. I'm not trying to be on a "witchcraft is hella dangerous for real" rant. My rant is more like...

If this is a genuine faith that can carry people through decades of life, and we believe we are truly interacting with entities that have their own personhood and agendas, then from time to time things are going to get hard for some people.

That from time to time, developing those relationships will be difficult and require sacrifice. If we believe this is a faith that can allow people to work to modify their lives, then at times it will be work and feel like hard work and be something that a practitioner can't wait to be done with, because not only does Sims 4 have horses, it also has llamas that you can pet.

And pretending that can't happen, or always blaming the witch when things go badly ("just change! if you don't like your path, modify it! it's anything you want it to be! such-and-such spirits are always benevolent/will never hurt you/will never mislead you!"), isn't a service to anyone.

Idk. The more I talk about this the more I feel like my entire point is "witchcraft is just kinda like real life, it has its ups and downs." Which I could have just said that one sentence this morning and not have had to type all this lmao.

Horseplay bc I have to do everything myself around here !! Also not into this personally but I've explored cause I did wonder.

[Minors and Ageless blogs will be blocked]

I saw @b0y0rgy on a post mention you didn't find a lot so this follow up to the deer post is for you!

Stuff:

Mane/Hair extentions

Harness and Bit for a human shaped mouth. (Be safe!)

Blinders for walks.

Custom saddle (Thats more for show than riding unless you are large enough to carry your partner.).

Brushes for long and short hair.

Hoove attachments that are built how people do the cat/dogs paws in leather circles.

Horse snacks or variations for your preference/diet/allergies.

Sugar cubes.

Riding crops.

If someone's really a masochist spurs but the spur maybe swapped for the more bdsm friendly spike wheels? Or maybe just normal spurs of course.

Horse dildo that harnesses on to swing between the horses legs

Genral:

Horse training is important no matter if it's for home or show of course.

Gotta make sure they don't kick behind

And of course watch out for those teeth. teach em to take snacks gentle and not get you attention by trying to take a finger.

They need to know how to Walk, Turn, and pose on command of course too.

Make sure they've seen other pets and people so they know just because it's not you, it's not a threat

Apples and carrots and sugar cube treats!!

Daily mane brushing no arguments

Horse types for different skills and jobs if you want to be specific or if there's more than one horse so you put em in different places

Wild horse taming:

Coaxing them in over a series of different scenes. Food sharing, play coaxing, shelter, turning into trust for eventual touching and training.

Very quick to dart away if you cross The Line so make aure to keep a wide berth until they come more to you

Bring them snacks and food them carefully, cooing in low tones without too much excitement.

Never try and climb on if they don't show you easy side.

Jack em off really gently if you get em close right. make sure they dont get overwhelmed until their at that edge that's too intense to run away from.

Showhorse:

Pony tricks for showing off: straight line walk/Low bar jump/Lift tail or rear To show off hole(s)/Raise leg for hoof examination/etc.

Important regular grooming routine with careful attention and good treats

Winner spoils!!

Showed off so well they get bought a new toy! (Ur choice of the horse is involved) And that new toy makes them cum all they want how they want!

Ran so well that they get to take a nice break from running/jumps to relax and cum. Whether full and fucked or now they can unrestricted access to a hole they want to fill, they've earned it.

Looser punishments.

A bratty horse that knew it made you look bad on stage. It tossed it's head and huffed at juges and tried to break harness. Maybe it nipped a judges fingers or neighed loudly at inappropriate times. You should remind them they're trained better than that.

You have such a good crop collection for horse training so surely a few training sessions with a bit more force should dp the trick.

Breeding horse:

Testing to see if their even ready to Breed

Jacking off what's between their legs to see if they're responsive or prodding at their wet breeding hole

Piss kink enjoyers can take it a step further since real horses determine by piss smell if their ready to mate.

Training them on Breeding commands (Stop/Mount/Present/Again/etc.)

Horse breed you? Breed the horse? Horse on horse breeding? Mates? Plenty of possibilities for someone to be knocked up with a Foal

Daily breeding sessions for a short while to encourage it to stick

Don't let wm forget their a breeding horse by checking on their breeding skills whenever you see fit.

the star stable worldbuilding is so fucking funny to me because like you're telling me that im the reincarnation of an ancient goddess and I can talk with druids and ride magical mermaid horses and ones that can control the elements but also there's like . Regular normal ass people from Wyoming here too? Some girl just said glory to Portugal when I finished her quest? Girl there are magical cult people opening rifts in our space time reality how are you from Europe