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#ive watched song of the south

akechi-if-he-slayed · 9 months

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imo the perfect series finale for south park would be for them to dedicate their last couple of seasons to their junior + senior year of high school (yes live action because i think it would be awesome if done right, not insanely gritty and emo like riverdale). same startling humor and amusement, but kind of with a slightly more mature feel (because they are teenagers now after all; even though they don’t exactly “act their age” in the show, you can still tell their naive youth plays a big factor in a lot of their reasonings and motivations behind their actions and decisions) like yeah, they’re still being stupid and getting caught up in the weirdest shit, but this time they’re being dumb teenagers instead of dumb kids. also! feel like romance would definitely be a core thing, because you know. teenage hormones. no explicit scenes, but definitely make outs and the like, and their relationships would play a more crucial factor in the show. for example, i think that at the start of the live-action saga, wendy and stan would still be entertaining their on-and-off-again-friends-who-make-out-and-have-a-different-response-each-day-if-you-ask-whether-or-not-they’re-together and pretty soon, they’d eventually just break it off for good, and that would be a major coming of age moment for stan as he realizes he was only staying with wendy because she was “safe” and reminded him of being a kid.

PROM EPISODE (for junior year)!!! it would be so lit. huge, huge potential there to get everyone dolled up. stan and wendy would already be broken up by that time, so naturally stan and kyle would just go together as FRIENDS. MUTUAL BACHELORS. DEFINITELY NOTHING MORE….not like kyle turned down heidi’s ask because “i don’t want stan to feel alone” even though cartman and kenny don’t have dates either? also stan definitely doesn’t sneak a bottle in and definitely doesn’t skulk outside and kyle definitely doesn’t find him and just. sits and talks and just laughs and talks shit with him outside for the rest of the night and nothing is said about any sort of feelings kyle might have (if he’s even fully aware of them yet now that stan is 100% available for the first time in years) but. you can tell, everyone can tell that something is there, something is starting.

main highlights for this adaptation idea!

- bebe (cheer captain!) and wendy (heavily involved in asb, voted president senior year; there’s a whole episode dedicated to her campaign against kyle at the end of junior year, she wins by just a few votes) as the queens of the school, most popular girls (bebe in more of a gorgeous-can-have-any-guy-do-whatever-she-wants-and-have-them-all-want-her kind of way and wendy in a beautiful-and-powerful-top-of-the-class-but-definitely-not-an-outcast way)

- cartman still cartman but not nearly as volatile as he once was, still generally considered to be a dick, though. at first glance you think he’s a stupid football player meathead, but he’s actually incredibly smart when he wants to be, kyle is annoyed by this every time he shares an ap period with him and he actually does well.

- ordered class rankings (top 5): wendy (valedictorian), kyle, butters, cartman, heidi

- shelley moved across the country for college the second she graduated, so it’s just stan, randy, and sharon. naturally he spends the night at kyle’s so often that he leaves an overnight bag there and the broflovskis are never surprised to see him stumble out of kyle’s room in the morning

- bendy canon literally like two months after permanent stendy breakup. poor stan is helplessly confused: “has she been a lesbian this whole time????? did she think i was feminine??? is that why we were together for so long???”

- creek thriving as per

- kenny does musical theater and show choir. greatly enjoys it! butters is always front row and has never missed a performance.

- kyle captain of the debate team! wendy is vp, and there’s kind of been a weird tension between them ever since stendy split, you can practically hear her say “i know what you are.”

- stan enjoys volunteering at an animal shelter whenever he can, he keeps this a secret for as long as physically possible and this becomes a big plot point as he makes up increasingly suspicious and not very believable stories and excuses as for why he is rarely available after school despite having no job or clubs. rumors that spread: | randy has managed to get access to harder drugs and is using stan to deal them across south park | stan is a whore-for-hire and will give you an excellent bj if you pay up and meet him somewhere discreet (cartman started that one) | stan is part of a crime group conspiring to kill the mayor and control the city (this one has him end up at the police station with his head in his hands).

- gerald really wants kyle to be a lawyer and practically has all of his schools picked out for him, thereby unintentionally giving his son an existential crisis on what the heck he wants to do with his life because he does not want to do what his dad does but he also doesn’t have a good enough alternative to combat him.

- heavily hinted bunny, it’s literally right there but they tell everyone they’re just friends. ongoing gag of them being caught in compromising and/or suspicious positions but somehow having a seemingly reasonable explanation each time.

- college decisions would for sure be a big plot point towards the middle of their senior year, especially for kyle. he only applies to two schools and is accepted to both of them: princeton (college of his parents, their pick for him to study pre-law) and stanford (his pick, unknown to his parents that he even applied, to study psychology). yes it is absolutely insane that he only applied to two ivy leagues but what is even more insane is that his parents only wanted him to apply to princeton and no other schools. haha well now he has to explain to them that he is going to california and is not following their carefully constructed plan for his future haha

- stan is similar to shelley, he doesn’t really care where he goes as long as he gets to leave south park! he also knows he wants to do some sort of career helping animals but is unsure what exactly, so he just puts zoology as his major and applies to a lot of different schools. he ends up committing to uc davis! sharon is incredibly proud of him and cries when she sees the acceptance letter, randy is kind of bitter because he wanted stan to stay and help out with the farm since shelley booked it but eventually comes around (also stan would’ve gotten a job at 7/11 before he started working at tegridy alongside his dad).

- butters gets accepted to the university of rochester for biomedical sciences. kenny doesn’t plan on going to college, but him and butters decide to share a flat in the city, and kenny works odd jobs while also doing performances at various clubs in the at the area. also him and butters choosing to live together across the country is purely platonic!!! there is nothing romantic going on at all, they are just really good friends!! nobody buys this anymore

- cartman literally gets accepted to ucla on a full ride football scholarship for business management and it makes kyle want to tear him to shreds! liane would’ve absolutely somehow paid for his entire tuition anyway if she had to

i feel like the length of each episode would be about 45 minutes with the series finale being like 90 minutes, the first half being their graduation with wendy giving an incredibly corny yet oddly emotional speech as valedictorian that pretty much summarizes their entire lives in south park. and then the second half would kind of be just like providing conclusions and tying up loose ends such as:

- shelley flying back home for stan’s graduation and reconciling with him; she’s a junior at NYU and actually became a lot nicer and at peace with the world + herself after she was able to leave colorado

- randy actually having a good father-son moment with stan as they discuss his going off to school in california; stan realizes that his father definitely is not great, but he maybe also isn’t the worst person in the world

- a moment of “this is the last we’re ever gonna be like this, huh?” when the main four are hanging out at cartman’s, traditional teen paranoia of the future

- bunny finally 100% confirmed as scene shows with Kenny having his arm loosely hung around butters on someone’s couch, lightly pressed kiss on his cheek

ok i have a lot more but my #1 idea for the finale would be this:

- stan and kyle just aimlessly hanging out in the latter’s room about a week or two after graduation, easily talking about everything from college to music to new films to their friends; just enjoying each other’s company before fall comes (they are unbelievably dramatic. uc davis and stanford are like a hour’s drive away from each other but coming from best friends who have lived in the same city together their entire lives, an hour away may as well be a whole ass country away)

- occasional comfortable silence. kyle has come to terms with his feelings about stan at this point, but has chosen not to act on it in favor of keeping his longest friendship intact. nobody knows, he never told a soul. unbeknownst to him, stan has been accumulating the same feelings towards kyle, but likewise has been keeping them sealed tightly in so as not to ruin anything.

- eventually, they somehow start talking about relationships. stan never dated anyone else after breaking up with wendy at the start of junior year, and kyle has never truly dated anyone, not if you don’t count a faint fling with some loud city girl when he spent most of sophomore year summer with his mom’s family in new jersey. he came back from summer break more certain than ever that he was 100% gay. he recounts this story to stan for the first time (he’d been too embarrassed to tell anyone when he had come home) and it’s met with an enormous fit of laughter.

- they start talking about how weird it is to love someone, to have these strong urges and desires towards someone in a way that’s entirely unprovoked. to feel like you would do absolutely anything for this person, and to have life be unfathomable without them. they both agree on all their points, but no names are mentioned though!

- it’s the early morning hours before stan realizes how long they’ve been talking, and despite knowing he could stay the night, he decides to head home, suddenly flushed and overwhelmed with some sort of..something. does he really love kyle that much? in that way?

- the air is lightly tense as he leaves, kyle left feeling confused and slightly perturbed. against his butter judgment, he chases after stan outside, as he’s placing his key in his driver-side door to unlock his car.

- “wait!”

- stan turns his head, looking puzzled and faintly apprehensive. it’s summer, so the early morning is not bone-chillingly cold, yet also not as scorching hot as it will be come afternoon. it’s the perfect temperature, and it’s the perfect time, and before he knows what he’s doing, his feet are carrying his stiff, trembling body towards stan, whose eyes tell a thousand pictures despite his frame not moving a muscle.

- he stops in front of stan so that they’re gazing slowly, directly, meaningfully into each other’s eyes, and stan feels his throat go dry and his mind go blissfully blank. it’s slow and tender, the gentle yet firm way kyle stares up into his eyes, like he’s been waiting a lifetime for it (and he probably has) and he can feel his familiar breath whispering across his face, and all of sudden the careful movements, the gentle intention, all of it is gone in a flash.

- the very last scene of the very last episode of south park shows kyle slam his lips against stan’s, and then, lips still pressed together, the show ends.

#that was a lot wasn’t it #guys im sorry ive actually been fleshing out this idea on my head for so long #i have so many more ideas for this but i want this to be semi concise lol #can’t fit them all in might add as they come to me!#thank you so much if you read all of this mind jumble #live action high school south park is actually something that is so very special to me #i will also accept teenage south park in form of a graphic novel or comic series #thank u very much!#just wanna see these insane children act like insane teens is that too much to ask!#matt and trey boy have i got an idea for YOU!#make this happen and i promise we the people will be watching #thank you for your time everyone #live action south park #south park #sp style #sp bunny #sp bendy #south park high school au #side note here so i don’t add more cornball to the post: song to introduce the credits as kyle kisses stan would be #dog days are over #yeah #those dog days are really over for them!!#the kids are gonna be alright #yes i took beautifully talented singer kenny from the circus episode and RAN WITH IT

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asongoficeandfiresource · 9 months

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Stark Ladies by Justin Sweet

The Winter Rose and Bael the Bard in the 2024 ASOIAF Calendar

"North or south, singers always find a ready welcome, so Bael ate at Lord Stark's own table, and played for the lord in his high seat until half the night was gone. The old songs he played, and new ones he'd made himself, and he played and sang so well that when he was done, the lord offered to let him name his own reward. 'All I ask is a flower,' Bael answered, 'the fairest flower that blooms in the gardens o' Winterfell.'" "Now as it happened the winter roses had only then come into bloom, and no flower is so rare nor precious. So the Stark sent to his glass gardens and commanded that the most beautiful o' the winter roses be plucked for the singer's payment. And so it was done. But when morning come, the singer had vanished . . . and so had Lord Brandon's maiden daughter. Her bed they found empty, but for the pale blue rose that Bael had left on the pillow where her head had lain." -- Jon VI, ACOK

Arya Stark in The World of Ice and Fire

This time the monsters did not frighten her. They seemed almost old friends. Arya held the candle over her head. With each step she took, the shadows moved against the walls, as if they were turning to watch her pass. "Dragons," she whispered. She slid Needle out from under her cloak. The slender blade seemed very small and the dragons very big, yet somehow Arya felt better with steel in her hand. -- Arya Stark IV, AGOT

Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen in the 2024 ASOIAF Calendar

Lyanna had only been sixteen, a child-woman of surpassing loveliness. Ned had loved her with all his heart. Robert had loved her even more. She was to have been his bride. -- Eddard I, AGOT Not ten leagues from Harrenhal, Rhaegar fell upon Lyanna Stark of Winterfell, and carried her off, lighting a fire that would consume his house and kin and all those he loved—and half the realm besides. -- The World of Ice and Fire

#arya stark #lyanna stark #bael the bard #brandon the daughterless #rhaegar targaryen #asoiaf #asoiaf art #justin sweet #canonarya #asoiafedit #official art #starkedit

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whyse7vn · 7 months

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BREAKING POINT -

[ ot7 x reader ]

this is like super short pls forgive me tan twitter tl for context

tan on twitter!!!

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

tae: yoongi pls unblock me on twitter

yoongi: kill yourself

tae: i tried guys why doesn’t he love me 💔

y/n: that was a pathetic try

tae: guess what

y/n: what?

tae: ligma man..

y/n: ligma??

jimin: no way 😭

jk: baby…

namjoon: really

y/n: WHAT???

jin: i’m with her

wtf you guys on about??

hobi: this is a sad day

tae: LIGMA FUCKING BALLS BITCH

y/n: drown

jimin: ur fault tbh

hobi: real

y/n: leave me alone

jin: look you made her upset idiots

y/n: IM NOT UPSET

hobi: cheer up baby ❤️

namjoon: it’s okay tae upsets me all the time

y/n: im fine

hobi: bts song

jk: i know bts

tae: me 2

y/n: i want to stab you with a pencil

tae: watch out namjoon

namjoon: she is definitely talking to you

tae: proof?

hobi: bts?

jimin: i’m gonna bts outta you shut the fuck up

hobi: aw man :/

jk: bts?

jin: beat the shit

tae: beat MY shit

jk: woah

yoongi: he actually needs to kill himself wow

tae: @y/n u 2

y/n: LEAVE ME ALONE

jimin: she’s mad

y/n: I’M NOT MAD

jin: y/n are you still with that scoups guy?

namjoon: didn’t we just find out they we’re together like a week ago?

jk: WE DID????

jin: she moves on fast tho so idk

y/n: NO I DONT????

jimin: yoongi mingyu jk scoups mark wonho minho san all of us

there’s more hold on i’m thinking

hobi: all of us?

jk: say sike…

y/n: ARE YOU FUCKING SICK???????

jin: woah major slut alertttttt

namjoon: shut up

y/n: ONLY LIKE 4 OF THOSE NAMES ARE RIGHT

jk: what

y/n: AND IVE ONLY FUCKED 2 OF THEM SO KILL YOURSELF LEAVE ME ALONE

yoongi: she’s a grown woman

y/n: RIGHT

sorry i’m hot as fuck and pull bitches it’s not my fault

jin: u mid

y/n: ur 30

jin: ok please leave me alone i’m sorry

tae: my body count is also 2

jimin: -2

tae: ummmm?

jk: i’ve killed no one

i could of but don’t worry

namjoon: ??

hobi: fyi she did not deny being with scoups

jimin: TRUE

jk: NO

y/n: i deny it

jimin: too late we know

jin: SLUT

sorry

pls i’m sorry i didn’t mean it pls don’t be mean to me

please oh my god i’m sorry it slipped out

love u

please

y/n: THIS IS NOT FEMINISM

namjoon: it’s okay if ur with him

jk: NO ITS NOT STOP SAYING THAT WHATS UR FUCKING ISSUE STUPID STUPID STUPID

y/n: IM NOT

tae: who have you fucked

yoongi: are you stupid?

tae: no i’m curious

hobi: OH IM CURIOUS YEAH

wow i love shinee

y/n can you please start talking to minho again and then get married to him so i can be at his wedding and we can be forever connected

jk: SHUT UR MOUTH

y/n: you guys know so much about my relationship life it actually makes me want to throw up

jimin: ur easy to stalk

hobi: she’s fucked jk and yoongi

tae: and me

jin: in dreams doesn’t count

yoongi: lol

tae: LOL AWAY FROM ME YOU NASTY BITCH

U THINK UR WINNING BUT UR FUCKING NOT

WHEN ME AND Y/N GET MARRIED IT WILL BE ME KIM TAEHYUNG WHO LOLS IN UR FUCKING FACE

YOU RAT

yoongi: L

tae: no

yoongi: O

tae: YOU FUCKING STOP RIGJT NOW MIN YOONGI

yoongi: L

tae: 6pm seoul south korea apartment block C floor 7 door number 279 a ak47 a man a mask and a fucking dream

namjoon: wow ok that’s great!!

nice vogue shoot btw jungkook!

jk: I WILL NOT FUCK U GO AWAY

namjoon: oh my fucking god

hobi: scottish pride!!

jimin: ???

hobi: was he not wearing a kilt?

jimin: a what?

hobi: killing myself

jin: why they put you in that dirty ass bathroom omg?

tae: dirty shoot for a dirty man

jin: ?

tae: what?

jin: just a bit crazy coming from u

y/n: tae you need to shower

tae: you in love

fucking bitch

jin: do you fuck her or fight her damn?

jimin: right he’s pissing me off

tae: can you leave me alone i’m going through a lot rn

jk: dick

tae: ??

jk: a lot of dick

yoongi: lmao

namjoon: he likes men?

hobi: ewwwwwwwwwwww

jimin: homophobia?????????

jk: yes so he’s going through them

cuz he does not like y/n

yoongi: you say this like every 2 weeks

jk: because it is true

y/n: thank god

jk: no thank men

hobi: thx men

jin: so it’s not jimin?

jimin: what??

tae: i’ve never touched another man let alone sleep with one

hobi: amen

y/n: now that is just not true

namjoon: who cares

tae: I DO

hobi: no one will ever say those words to you

jin: i will

tae: fr 🥲?

jin: LOL

tae: ok kys

and fuck that bitch y/n

yoongi: have

tae left “tan on twitter”

hobi: cuteness overload ^_^

y/n: what crawled up his ass today tf

jk: hi do you need me do you want me do you love me

namjoon: can we just talk about life or like

jin: let me guess trees?

jimin: weed?

jk: OH MY GOD NAMJOON WANTS TO TALK ABOUT WEED

hobi: life is a downward spiral noting matters we are all slowly dying the government hates us money is worthless drugs are all around our water is running out

jk: where is it running out of

let’s catch it

y/n: tae was being super weird right?

hobi: super shy

namjoom: what’s new

hobi: new hair

namjoon: stop

hobi: forgive me master

namjoon: i’m at my breaking point

jimin: breaking bad

jin: drugs?

jimin: it all links back to namjoon…

jk: omgggggg namjoon is this true……..

namjoon: LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE

—-

pls lmk if you like the twitter concept idk if i’m feeling her yet but if you guys are i will do more idk trying to be different 🙈

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 29 days

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tuesday again 4/2/2024

in which i try to clean two different boxes with varying success

new people: hello! the tuesdaypost is a weekly roundup of stuff i've been listening, reading, watching, playing, and making. it is NOT a recommendation series, although i sometimes dabble in critique. when im firing on all cylinders i ask "what is the core concept of this? does it succeed in what i think it's trying to do and what it says it's doing?is it well-made but i dislike it/beautiful but not for me? why? what parts Really Work?"

if you are into purity culture, yelling at other people about the problematic media they consume, or are under 18 i am going to have very little patience for you.

listening

now that i live in houston i am legally obliged to loop the new beyonce album 24/7. there is absolutely truly nobody fucking doing it like her. every song is a multimedia art piece. goddamn do i miss the album as a tool to convey a specific concept/listening order/flow. sometimes (chappell roan most recently comes to mind, although it does feel unfair to compare anyone to beyonce) every individual song is pretty good but the listening experience if you sit down and listen all the way through the album is unpleasant and choppy. not so here. NEVER here.

my favorite like Dance Number is YA YA (it samples nancy sinatra's boots! and the beach boys' good vibrations! wildly different tones despite coming out a year apart!)

youtube

the one that goes on four different character/tone playlists is BODYGUARD.

youtube

great early roundup of influences, samples, and collaborators. delighted to see five fingers for marseilles listed, a rocky but underrated south african neo-western free on tubi rn for americans

reading

also very texas-relevant with the recent pornhub lawsuits! pornhub and sex tech (among other things) have been samantha cole's beat for almost ten years. i trust her to report sensitively and not for like. shock clicks

this site has a free paywall (sign up with your email for a link to the full article) so bots have a harder time scraping articles: this is a journalist-founded site with only the four founders running it and writing articles. while annoying i do think this is a reasonable measure

The platform still has problems, but after years of critical reporting and a litany of legal and reputational consequences, Pornhub is now more heavily moderated than any other porn platform, and most major social media platforms, for that matter. A growing list of age verification laws has put Pornhub in a position where it is compelled to block access to its site in seven states and counting. In theory, these laws are designed to prevent children from being able to access pornography online. In reality, what is going to happen is that children are going to end up on pornographic sites that don’t care what the law says, and where some of the most harmful content that exists online is actively promoted to them.

she's also got a new limited series podcast with CBC about the rise and fall of pornhub, which was fascinating and kept me company during an extremely early morning drive

watching

i'm lukewarm about this one but i spend a lot of time getting there, much like this movie

ive been watching a lot of frankly dogshit thrillers, which has made me wonder: what's the deal with supervillans? where did they come from? and thence arrived at the prototypical film Dr Mabuse the Gambler (1922, dir. Lang). the four and a half hour cut on Kanopy is two normal-length movies superglued together, which makes sense as a streaming product but it is sort of a terrifying runtime and took me three days to get through.

sometimes, as we know, i get a real bee in my bonnet about visiting the early versions of things. dr mabuse is the blueprint for every james bond and mission impossible villain, or really any shadowy supervillain with power over [INDUSTRY] or [THE MARKET]. it is a four and a half hour long cat and mouse game through lavish, eccentric sets between mabuse and prosecutor wenk. it has some trouble sustaining itself bc it is four and a half hours long but does deliver on the cat and mouse aspects. this letterboxed review has interesting things to say about the political climate of 1922 germany and how lang subverts the formula of the pulp serial.

really the film opens with mabuse yelling at his cocaine-addicted assistant, but the film properly gets going with mabuse's henchmen stealing a trade agreement (nothing really carbon dates a movie more than a missing trade agreement. vanishingly few post-early-30s movies have missing trade agreements as plot points) and then he crashes the stock market. for fun and profit.

however. i think every time you see an evil man who is a banker or stockbroker or generally uses money as power you have to interrogate whether it's antisemitic. the answer here is "maybe" but i'm not sure if intent matters when contemporary nazi critics were eager to hold mabuse up as "this is the typical jewish criminal". (sorry about the link directly to wikipedia, it's been touch finding online sources for this section). mabuse is not specifically jewish, but there are certainly elements of stereotype. i am still not good at being presented with "this movie has a shadowy behind the scenes figure manipulating the government and all the money ever" and going "hey wait a minute".

after that tremendous glaring caveat, for which i read more contemporary reviews and reviews in general than i ever read for movies in these posts, is it good? eh. a contemporary VARIETY review remarked (and i largely agree)

The direction of Fritz Lang has moments – but Lang somewhat negates his good technical effects by twenty forty-word captions of a ludicrous unconciseness.

the night scenes are particularly well done, and imo are better than many modern night scenes--other contemporary reviews remarked

In this film the techniques of the film camera (Carl Hoffmann’s brilliant photography) are brought to perfection. The problem of how to film lit-up streets at night has been solved for the first time. It is unbelievably impressive to see the glaring lights of speeding cars flash through the night or the rapid passing of an elevated train of the initially blurred, then gradually focussed glimpse through a pair of opera glasses on to the variety stage, the nuances of light and shade—these things alone prove the value of film documentary.

look at this shit! filmed from within the cars! in 1922!!!

youtube

this film asks you to believe hypnotism is real and really effective, so i don't think it's that big of a leap when it asks you to believe in ghosts. i don't understand that quibble from contemporary viewers. there are several on screen suicides with like. specific methods. which is not currently regarded as good filmmaking practice. im curious to know what contemporary audiences thought but couldn't immediately turn anything up, and wading through masters’ theses on cinematic suicide is a little beyond my current mental health.

if i were a more content-minded woman this would turn into a clickbait video essay about the antisemitic origins of every supervillan. however i am unqualified and untalented at video editing and i'm sure there are forty theses on this already. this movie is a hard sell to anyone jewish or employed. it is also a stunning example of cutting-edge film technology and part of the genesis of the modern supervillan. Fritz Lang films tend to fall in the category of “movies i am happy to see once and feel no need to revisit”.

playing

playing what is effectively the same game three times back to back (breath of the wild, tears of the kingdom, genshin impact) has sort of burned me out on open world games with a focus on battle skill progression and stumbling across little puzzles in the overworld. i have to get itch.io up and running on this pc and find the most linear jankiest possible one-sitting indie thing. or several of them. i might try the solo ttrpg Gentleman Bandit i seem to have acquired in one of the giant charity bundles

brief breath of the wild update bc i don't want to pull screenshots off my switch: i have gotten to the boss fight for the gerudo and goron regions, have not completed them bc my focus in this game is NOT hearts, and am in the middle of the zora temple. despite the quality of life improvements and new regions in totk i think i prefer botw: progression is a bit easier, there are fewer mmo-style hub quests and repeatable quests. things like the stable photos are cute but very repetitive, so are the sign bracing puzzles, and the sky crystal quests for sky shrines feel VERY samey. also dislike how the CLEAR OUT: [REGION] quests with the monster suppression squads reset at the blood moon.

anyway! to genshin! there was an exceptionally fun little event with a surprisingly involved management sim tacked onto the game??? you make and sell potions fulfilling different requirements, and can eventually stock travelling merchants all over the continent. the actual act of making the potions was this block-filling 1010! style thing (screenshot from polygon)

the new region, a port town and tea-growing area called Chenyu Vale, is maybe the prettiest one in the game so far? it's the one that feels the most picturesque and Designed, like this is one huge mansion garden studded with follies. they also added background chatter and noise in the cities and towns, which really startled me and makes them feels much more lived in! this is a fun trick to avoid putting in a thousand NPCs and making everyone's framerate crash. the less stuff in your game, the less shit can go wrong.

also pulled for and got chiyori, a geo-aligned seamstress (and sometime spy???) swordswoman who has what i can only call domme voice

making

ok now we'll talk about boxes. i was rearranging my kitchen, as unemployed women are known to do, and noticed this recipe box i picked up back in mass was disgusting. the finish is starting to fail but it was genuinely grody and last summer i packed my kitchen in a blind panic inside an hour and did not have time to address it. i have never seen a recipe box at an estate sale before or since and it made me desperately sad.

it was full of a lot of stuff.

i went at it with a somewhat inadvisable combination of things: wood soap didn't budge it, so i dampened a paper towel in vinegar and wiped it down in the vain hope it would do something. the thing that worked, and would be inadvisable for anything veneered or less densely textured, was baking soda paste and the scrubby side of a sponge. it still smells Very musty even after 48h of loose baking soda inside with several changes, but that might be partly the recipe cards' fault. i would like to refinish this at some point but i don't have polyurethane on hand and the fun little project budget is empty until further notice/i get a job.

the hinge did rust a bit despite my best efforts but that has since been lightly steel wooled and oiled. a well loved object! it's possible the lady who died just fucking sucked and that's why literally her entire estate including many other things families usually keep was on sale, but i would like to think perhaps she simply had no other family? a well loved/used object even if all the recipes are for semi-horrifying fifties new england recipes.

the other box, pre-acids but post-washing: this topp trading card box with seven episode one packets of cards was intact with the original seal. i have verified it was not worth much more than the $5 i paid for it with the trading card obsessed man in my best friend's husband's friendgroup. i bought this three months ago but the man was unavailable to open it until uhhh last week. some sort of liquid got inside it at some point and it was super corroded. i was going to store embroidery floss in here but even with all my powers (barkeepers friend. brasso.) i cannot completely remove the corrosion. it's not corroded Through but it looks bad and feels rough. so it goes. it'll probably hold the tiedown straps in my car bc that plastic bucket is rapidly failing

#aaaaaaand we're back baybee!!!#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem #uncharacteristically nervous about this one since there are so many new people haha

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teyamsatan · 1 year

Text

The Archer | Chapter V: This Is Me Trying

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Summary: A vision Neteyam sees at the Spirit Tree puts a strain on your relationship and leaves more questions than answers. Another RDA atrocity leaves the Metkayina reeling and sets in motion events whose consequences will haunt you forever.

Pairings: Neteyam x Avatar!Reader

Word Count: 11.6k words

Warnings/notes: smut(18+, minors DNI!), angst, mentions of death, blood, violence, cursing, SPOILERS for ATWOW

A/N: This is it, the chapter where it all goes to shit! I am very excited to explore the second half of the movie and put my own little spin on it. I hope you enjoy where the story is going and are as excited as I am for what's in store. The song the reader sings to Tuk is important for the story, as are all the lyrics I put in it, and if you replace the river with Eywa, it all fitsss! Why am I seeing Eywa in Frozen 2 we'll never know, but here we are. Also, whilst the beginning quote usually speaks to the reader's feelings, this one I felt fit all of the three POV characters in the particular hardships each of them are going through. Ok I'll stop rambling enjoy thank you for asking to be tagged and liking and reblogging and replying ily byee

I've been having a hard time adjusting, I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad, I have a lot of regrets about that

And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound

It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you

You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

And I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

The next day, the tension between Lo’ak and Ao’nung seemed to dissipate, and you knew whatever happened after Lo’ak took off was enough to mend a relationship you thought was too broken to ever recover. Boys, you rolled your eyes. They would almost kill each other, and it would all be forgotten the next day. You and the rest of the Sullys, as well as Rot’xo, Tsireya and Ao’nung were hanging out by the beach, as Lo’ak recounted his encounter with the tulkun that saved his life.

“I wish I’d been there. The ocean blessed you with a gift, brother.”

“The tulkun have not returned yet. And anyway, no tulkun is ever alone.”

“This one was. It had a…a missing fin, like a stump on the left side.” Lo’ak was looking only at Tsireya when he spoke, like she was the only one there. She was also enraptured by his presence, and fear flashed across her features as the realisation hit.

“Payakan. It’s Payakan.”

“Who’s Payakan?” Kiri asks, a concerned look on her face.

“A young bull who went rogue. He’s outcast, alone. And he has a missing fin.”

“They say he is a killer.” Tsireya looked at your brother almost in pain, pleading Lo’ak to hear her.

“He killed Na’vi, and other tulkun…not here, but far to the South.”

You and Neteyam exchanged a look, worried for your baby brother who was in such proximity with an apparent monster.

“No, he’s no killer.”

Tsireya reached for Lo’ak’s arm, and you watched as he wrapped his hand around her wrist, holding her intimately.

“Lo’ak… you are lucky to be alive.”

“I’m telling you guys, he saved my life. He’s my friend.”

You saw your mate get up from his spot to place his hands on his brother’s shoulder, a desperate attempt to defuse an increasingly tense situation.

“My baby bro, the mighty warrior who faced the killer tulkun, and lived to tell about it.”

Lo’ak pushed himself away from Neteyam’s grasp, evident annoyance and frustration emanating from his whole body.

“You guys aren’t listening.”

Tuk, who was nestled in your lap, spoke in the cute voice that made you melt on the spot.“Lo’ak, I’m listening…”

“Lo’ak, come back…” you tried to call after him, but it was too late.

“You skxawng.” You heard Kiri say as your brother walked away.

You gently removed Tuk from your lap and got up, determined to not leave him alone. He was alone far too often, and you wanted him to know he didn’t have to do this by himself. Neteyam gave you a look, and you knew he felt hurt that you were leaving him for his brother, and hurt that he knew Lo’ak would much rather prefer your presence to his. He always had, ever since you were all children.

You ran across the beach and caught him right as he was getting in the water.

“Wait up, you irk.” He didn’t stop until he hit the water, and you had to physically arrest him with your hand around his arm.

“Lo’ak!”

“Why does nobody ever believe me? Why doesn’t she believe me?”

Of course this was about Tsireya. You smiled a little at your oblivious baby brother.

“She does believe you, you skxawng, she’s just worried about you.”

He turned instantly in his spot.

“You think?”

You rolled your eyes and huffed a frustrated exhale. You called for an ilu and motioned for him to get on his own.

“Come, I want to meet this Payakan.”

You could tell Lo’ak was annoyed he had to wait for you, as you were not as fast or experienced in the water as he was, and needed to come up for air a lot more, but he didn’t complain. As you reached Three Brothers Rocks, he called loudly for Payakan, and you felt like an earthquake engulfed you as the massive creature surfaced. You were still a little scared by the tulkun, holding on tightly to your ilu, but you believed your brother - you trusted him, and you wanted him to know that.

Lo’ak immediately jumped from his ilu and onto the fin of the tulkun, which could comfortably fit a few Na’vi on it. He closed up on Payakan’s eye, and spoke looking closely into it.

“It’s good to see you.” Through sign language, Lo’ak continued speaking to his new friend. “Why are you outcast? What happened?”

You heard Payakan make a trilling sound you couldn’t understand, but you knew from the Metkayina they had their own complex language that you hoped in time you could master somehow.

“I trust you. You can trust me.”

The tulkun gave another trill that sounded quite content, and you smiled at the real connection that blossomed between these two. You saw Lo’ak smile a gummy, wide, genuine smile, and you couldn’t remember the last time you last saw it. The thought made you sad, but you pushed it aside.

“I want to introduce you to someone.” Your brother motioned for you to dismount your ilu and follow him, which you did cautiously.

As you reached his eye, you brought you fingers to your forehead and signalled an “I see you” to the mighty creature and smiled as it pushed its massive head a little closer to you.

“This is my sister.” You saw Lo’ak signal. You were both hanging on the fin when you felt it being lowered, and your brother told you to take a deep breath and hold on.

The next few hours were some of the most spectacular of your life, as you allowed Payakan to carry you around on his massive fin, feeling similar to how you did when flying at high speeds on top of your beautiful ikran. You mostly watched though, feeling as though Lo’ak deserves this moment for himself, deserves this connection that is his and his alone.

Eventually, they returned and you both got on top of him, sunbathing on his back while he floated away peacefully.

“So… Tsireya, huh?”

You smiled as Lo’ak turned purple.

“It’s ok, Lo’ak. You can talk to me.”

“I feel weird talking about this with you.”

“Oh…” you felt a little hurt at the comment, but decided not to push. “You don’t have to, I just thought you might like to. I don’t want you to feel alone, or like you can’t tell me things.”

“I would like to, it’s just, I have loved you my whole life, and for so long I thought that there was a chance that you and I might…” he shook his head, like he was trying to push the idea out of his mind, before continuing.

“It was weird between us, for a while, it was hard for me to watch you with my brother, knowing you were just one more thing he got that I didn’t… just one more thing he beat me at.”

“I’m not a prize you win at a carnival, you know?” You raised your eyebrow in his direction, a little indignant at his comments.

“I know… what I’m saying is that it is just a little strange for me, in light of everything we have been through. But I want to talk to you, if you want to listen.”

Neteyam decided there was no point in dwelling on his brother, or on you, both of whom were adults, and able to make your own decisions - and if that decision meant abandoning him and the rest of them on the day you were all supposed to go see the Cove of the Ancestors for the first time, then so be it.

With a small sigh, he got up from the ground and helped his sister up. Kiri eyed him intently, trying to gauge how bad his mood was, and right now, he couldn’t tell. He just knew he wanted to go, and calm down before he even thought about it further.

“Let’s go, it will be eclipse soon and I think you will really like it.”

He was excited to see the spirit tree, excited to see how it would differ from Vitraya Ramunong. He was excited to see what Eywa had to show him, what vision or dream he would be transported to this time. He tried not to dwell on the last time, the one he saw Auntie Jo and how she told him you were almost dead, tried not to dwell on the memories of seeing you in that room, a small and frail human, tubes protruding in and out of you like a nightmare he couldn’t wait wake up from.

They all got on their own ilu, except from Tuk who got on Kiri’s, and when they were all ready, they left. Neteyam was still amazed at the underwater beauty of this world, so unlike his own, but just as mesmerising, and he wondered if he would ever get used to it - ever not have his heart pick up speed in his chest at all the colours and the fish, at the coral and the reflections of the sun on the surface of the water, on his skin. When they resurfaced, Neteyam saw floating islands, that brought him back home a little, to the miracle of the Hallelujah mountains, although these were a little different, much smaller and flatter, and he thought with a swell of pride that although the beauty of this corner of the world was unparalleled, there still was nothing to top his own.

He took it all in, feeling all the resentment and anger melt away at the sight, arcades reaching peaks he could barely see, and the shift in the air reminded him a lot of the Tree of Souls - he felt Eywa in it, knew she was here, with them, right now. His thoughts lingered on you, on the fact you were missing this, that his brother was missing this, and how much he knows you would have enjoyed it. He imagined your face, glowing in surprise and awe, mouth agape and eyes wide, your ears flickering animatedly and freckles glowing stronger than usual, and he felt the pang of jealousy and hurt return in full force, fighting with his conscious mind that was telling him to let it go.

“This is the Cove of the Ancestors. Our most sacred place.“

Neteyam felt blinded by the sun as eclipse was starting to set in. He put a hand in front of his face to relieve some of the discomfort, and when he removed it, he was once again in unadulterated shock at the seascape beneath him. Bioluminescent glow brought light to the entire cove, purple and pink and blue.

“This is it. This is the Spirit Tree.”

The tree was resting on the ocean floor, and unlike their own, it was adorned with enormous leaves, reminiscent of delicate sea anemone. They dove in, each of them choosing their own, and he reached for his queue, gently bringing it forward to form the Tsaheylu. He felt air fill his lungs as the tree was providing a way to maintain the bond for longer underwater, and he was grateful as he always was, for Eywa and the way this planet worked together to maintain balance and a sense of communion among all its inhabitants.

He felt it instantly, being transported through space and time, through dimensions into a higher one, higher than his own, higher than he’ll ever know until his death.

He woke up outside of the clearing, your clearing, back in the forest, and his heart constricted at the sight. The smell of the wood and wet ground, the moisture in the air from the morning dew, the constant buzzing and humming of life all around him, the feel of the grass on his feet that he wiggled, trying to memorise the sensations it evoked in him.

He heard the unmistakable sound of a guitar, and a song he has never heard before playing, muffled voice breaking through the rest of the quiet sounds. He rushed to it, excited to see you, even in this universe, parallel to his own, you were still the only light guiding him. He was going to call for you, when the voice caught in his throat and his mouth remained agape, too surprised to remember to close it. It was you, but not as he has known you for a year now. It was human you, sick you, pale and skinny, wet from unshed rain, hair clinging to your bony back. You didn’t turn to face him, continuing to play the song that rang painful in his ears now, like it didn’t belong - like you didn’t belong.

Our coming-of-age has come and gone

Suddenly this summer, it's clear

I never had the courage of my convictions

As long as danger is near

And it's just around the corner, darling

'Cause it lives in me

No, I could never give you peace

“Atan?”

You stopped playing and finally turned to him, and he hated seeing you like this, brittle and frail, so unlike the you he knows and loves, so unlike your soul, which shone brightly and stood tall. A kaleidoscope of emotions crossed your features as you took him in, a mix of fear, and happiness, wonder and anguish, all fighting for supremacy on your face.

“How are you here?”

“How am I here, how are you here, Atan? What is going on?”

“It’s good to see you. I missed you.”

Neteyam was so confused, his mind was mush trying to understand what was going on. He saw you slowly wander towards him, a soft smile on your face as you seemed to make up your mind about which feelings plagued you seeing him in front of you.

As you approached him, he tried to not focus on your ghastly features that he still had nightmares thinking about at night before bed, and he thanked Eywa for bringing you back to him, healthy and strong again.

You reached a hand for his face, that you stroke gently, and he couldn’t help lean into your touch, still familiar and necessary, even in this strange world, in this uneasy scenario.

“You shouldn’t be here, Neteyam. I am so happy to see you again, but you need to go.”

You were as tall as him, he mused. Even in your human body, you were as tall as you were in your Na’vi form, top of head reaching his chin, and he took you in his arms and into a hug, that he needed desperately.

“I don’t understand, Atan. What is happening?”

You hugged him back, as tightly as you could in this body that was falling apart in front of him, and pulled back, resting a hand above his heart, a soft tear falling down your cheek.

“Neteyam, I don’t have a lot of time.” You looked panicked around you, and he knew your time together was quickly coming to an end.

“Your life is fast approaching a crossroad and when it reaches, you will have a choice to make. Please, please choose right. And please, don’t think about me again, or about this. You can’t think of me again and you can’t tell anyone about this, you can’t tell me about this, do you understand?”

Neteyam couldn’t speak, couldn’t process what was happening in front of him. He didn’t have to, though, as you brought your face to his and kissed him, salty tears falling all over your face and into the kiss, that he felt staining the taste of you, that he loved so much. The last thing he saw was you walking away, your hand that you were resting on his body dripping in red liquid down your arm and onto the ground, that he recognised faintly as blood.

“I love you so much. I hope we never see each other again.”

He was violently pulled out of his dream by a hand shaking him awake, and the world came bluntly into view once more, commotion happening all around him. He turned to face the cause, and almost drowned as he saw his baby sister shaking aggressively, the freckles all over her body flashing concurrently.

He immediately rushed to her side and pulled her out of the water, by which time she had completely lost consciousness, and called for an ilu. He didn’t even have time to think about his own stirring experience, as every thought was screaming in terror and fear for his sister, who was not responsive at all, and whose previously bright markings were now completely dim.

Neteyam had to clear his mind and think. He’s seen seizures before, as they sometimes appeared in people who had the disease you helped cure. Kiri inhaled a lot of water as she was seizing, and her absent breath brought his own laboured one forward. He knew what to do.Thirty compressions, two breaths, thirty compressions, two breaths. As he continued the CPR, he saw with relief flooding his being that his baby sister gasped for air, now breathing on her own.

“Get her to the village. Hurry.” He thinks that was Tsireya, he was too focused on Kiri to care.

“Let’s go, let’s move.” He didn’t stop to see if any of them were following him, hurrying as much as he could to get her to safety.

You were happy you came with Lo’ak, although guilt was starting to gnaw at you when you thought about Neteyam’s hurt expression as you took off. You blew him and the rest of your family off on one of the most important days here, the day you were supposed to see the Tree of Souls. You knew that, but you knew it in your heart that Lo’ak needed someone to talk to, outside of his new mammalian friend, someone to show him he’s not as alone as he feels every day. Unlike the rest of them, you knew all too well the deep ache that came with feeling all alone, and you couldn’t bear the thought of your baby brother going trough that. You smiled a little to yourself at your conversation, and your now better understanding of his feelings towards the kind Metakyina girl, and you were grateful you were able to overcome a barrier you felt has plagued your relationship for a while.

It was a little past eclipse as you returned to the village and you saw with some surprise commotion happening outside of your tent. Your ilu took you right there in no time, and you jumped onto the platform, where your family was, alongside the Metkayina kids.

You hurried towards the entrance, where you saw Neteyam, and you gasped loudly when you looked inside and you saw Kiri laying on the floor, unconscious, Neytiri huddled on top of her, screaming for her to wake up.

“What the hell happened?”

Neteyam shot you a dirty look, which you recoiled at. Neteyam never looked at you that way, and you knew then he was a lot more upset about you leaving than you thought he would be.

“Kiri had a seizure at the Tree of Souls. She hasn’t woken up since.”

You ran inside and quickly got your medical bag out of hiding. “What have you guys done about it?”

“I gave her CPR because she inhaled a lot of water and she wasn’t breathing. She started breathing on her own, but that was it, she hasn’t woken up.”

“When was this?”

“Maybe 20 minutes ago?”

“Shit. If it was a seizure, she should have woken up by now. This is serious. She shouldn’t still be unconscious.”

“Can you do anything?” You heard Jake say, concern dripping from every word, tension thick in the air that was now hard to breathe.

“I can give her some IV fluids, but I’m not sure, Jake. She might be in status epilepticus, which is when a person seizes for longer than 5 minutes, but I don’t know what to do about it. I’m not trained for this. She needs EEG scans, which I don’t have, and she might need to be put in a medically induced coma so her brain doesn’t get damaged.”

“A coma?” He looked at you like you grew another head.

“I’m not sure, Jake, this is just a guess. I don’t have the equipment to run these kinds of tests. You need to call Norm and Max.”

“It’s dangerous, they are watching the air space, they could find us.”

“If they can help her, we have to try.” Neytiri stood up and came to you, taking your hands in hers. “Please help her!”

“I will, sa’nok. It will all be alright.”

Neteyam was painfully aware of everything happening around him, aware of people going in and out, aware of your presence back in his, making his heart race and breath labour. He was mad at you, mad at Lo’ak, mad that you both were selfish and left them, mad that if you had stayed, with him, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened - maybe Kiri would have been fine. On top of everything, his own experience at the Tree of Souls left so many questions, so much lingering in his mind. Why were you there? What did you all mean? What crossroads? Why couldn’t he think of you? How was he supposed to know which choice was the right one?Why couldn’t he tell you? You were his best friend, the person he told everything to, and most importantly, the smartest person he knows. If anyone would have an answer for this whole surreal experience, it would be you.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Neteyam turned his head to see you standing there, looking up at him, a tired and pleading look in your eyes. He felt his anger melt, if only slightly, when looking in those eyes that still shone as brightly as the sun, and his mind flashed to your human eyes, that he saw for the first time in a year. He felt a little guilty for thinking of another pair of eyes than the ones currently staring at him, even if they were still your own.

“How is she?”

You sighed and turned towards Kiri’s unconscious form in the tent. “I don’t know. We won’t know until the morning, when Norm and Max get here.”

Neteyam scowled, not looking at you, but at the tiny flickers of bioluminescent light coming from the water, where fish were peacefully swimming near the surface. Maybe if you had been there…

“Neteyam… there’s nothing I could have done either way. There’s nothing I could have done differently, even if I was there.” Neteyam’s scowl deepened, but mostly cause he was unnerved by your continuous ability to see through him.

“I’m sorry for leaving. I didn’t think I had a choice.”

Neteyam let out a mocking laugh. “You did have a choice.”

“I didn’t, Neteyam. Lo’ak needed me.”

“I needed you. You’re never around anymore, you’re doing the exact same thing as you did when you were young. Pushing me away, isolating yourself in this marui while everyone else is trying their fucking best to adapt. Everyone but you.”

Neteyam knew he was being harsh, but his emotions were running high in light of the clusterfuck of a day he had, of frustrations that had built in him for months, that were coming out to the surface now, even if he tried to stop them.

“Stop… you can’t do this. I know you are hurt that I left, and I know you feel annoyed at me, but I am trying my best. I’m sorry if it’s not good enough for you, but it’s the most I can handle right now. I am sorry about Kiri, Neteyam. I will do my best to help her, but right now, there is nothing else I can do. I am sorry about Lo’ak, but you guys always give him shit and you don’t take him seriously and I don’t want him to be alone. I know what it’s like to be alone, courtesy of my abandoning parents and you. You don’t get to blame me for not wanting someone, my brother, to go through what you put me through. I’m sorry I am not out as much as you guys, but unlike you, I didn’t grow up swimming and I am struggling, and I feel like a burden, and I feel like everyone is abandoning me for Tsireya, and I just need some time to deal, I need some time to figure out who I am now, in this new place, in this - yet again - new life, another one in a year. And a little bit of fucking understanding would be nice.”

He was still angry, probably even angrier than he was, at you and at Lo’ak, at your knee-jerk reflex to bring back his leaving whenever you were hurt. But he also felt guilty, because in truth, he didn’t try to see things from your perspective, and understand how hard this must all be on you. Neteyam watched as you turned your back to him and went back into the tent, kneeling over Kiri. That could have gone better, Neteyam thought with a deep sigh.

It was the morning when you heard the unmistakable sounds of a helicopter approaching, and you knew then that Norm and Max have arrived. You felt happy to see them and relieved they were here, as you felt completely out of your depth in this situation where your sister was involved. You didn’t sleep a wink last night, monitoring her vitals and making sure she was getting all the nutrients through the IV. You haven’t talked to Neteyam since then, his harsh words still fresh in your mind.

A swell of happiness enveloped you at the sight of the two men entering the tent, and you jumped up and hugged them, trying not to crush Max’s tiny body in the process. Norm was teary eyed when taking you in, and you found it hard letting go.

“Good to see you, Ace.”

You didn’t realise how much you missed that voice and that nickname until now, like a constant noise you don't realise is giving you a headache until it stops ringing in your ears.

“We missed you, guys. Sorry this is not under better circumstances.”

You watched as the men took out equipment you didn’t have with you, such as a portable EEG, and looked at her brain activity.

“I gave her 5mg/ml of propofol every 3 hours to maintain the coma, but I stopped a few hours before you arrived so you could do this. I’ve been keeping her on IV fluids to maintain hydration and nutrient intake.”

“Good job, Ace.”

You looked alongside the scientists at the scans of her brain.

“There’s no bleed, there’s no fracture. No effects of hypoxia. Her brain looks good.”

“You still have this interictal activity right here in her prefrontal.”

“She’s definitely had a seizure.”

You went outside to discuss this further, while the Sully children and their mother looked over Kiri.

“Look, I don’t think it was a seizure.”

“Ace, it was definitely a seizure. There’s nothing else it could have been.”

“Okay, let me rephrase. Maybe it was a seizure, but I don’t think it’s epilepsy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Think about it, guys. It happened while she was plugged into the Tree of Souls.”

“I think the kid is right. I talked to her a couple nights ago. She says she could feel Eywa, she could hear her heartbeat.”

“That is classic frontal lobe epilepsy.”

“Epilepsy?” Jake looked out of his mind with concern, and you shook your head quietly, disagreeing with Norm, but not wanting to interrupt him.

“Yeah.. you see visions, you get states of religious ecstasy, like the kind she’s described. Plugging into the spirit tree is some sort of a trigger. You definitely can’t let her do that anymore.”

“What…? Ever?”

Max interjected softly, trying to be as understanding as empathetic as he could, given the situation at hand. "Jake… if she seizes underwater again, it could kill her.”

Jake turns to look at you, pleading, begging for you to disagree, to give him some sort of hope that this wasn’t as dire as it seemed.

“What do you think, baby girl?”

“I think Norm and Max are understandably looking at this the science, biological, human way… no offence.”

“I think everything you guys are saying makes sense, if you decide to forget who Kiri is. Kiri is not just anybody. She’s special, she is connected with Eywa in a way none of us can imagine. We have discussed about her parentage before and everyone has their theories, but mine is a little different. I think Kiri is Eywa’s child, as much as she was Grace’s. I think Eywa communicates through her, I think Eywa has bigger plans for her than any of us know. When I died, I saw my mother.” At the shocked expressions all around you, you withdrew into yourself a little. You didn’t want to talk about this, but it was necessary. “She was there, in Eywa. Has been with her, in this higher plane, ever since she died. She’s been watching over me. She told me that Kiri was the answer to the virus, that she would know. And she did. She has gifts, guys. I agree that her plugging into the spirit tree is a trigger, but not the one that can be measured by an EEG or treated by some Carbamazepine.”

“I think in order to wake up, she needs the Tsahik.”

You saw Neytiri thinking ahead of you, as she usually did, and closely behind her Ronal was making her way to your tent. You got up from next to the men, and all of you tracked back where Kiri was, and you watched as Ronal performed rituals you had no understanding of, but were fascinated by. Your gaze was fixated on Kiri’s face, as was the rest of your family’s, and all of you gasped loudly as you saw your sister’s eyes open slowly.

“Oh, thank God!” Jake was almost in tears, but couldn’t hold a candle to Tuk, whose face was littered by them.

“Kiri, you’re awake!”

Neytiri took her daughter’s hand in both of hers, bringing it affectionately to her face, as her and Kiri’s pained cries filled the muffled sounds in the room.

“Oh, Kiri, my sweet child. Oh, my sweet daughter.”

You were so happy, so relieved, and you couldn’t help gaze over to your mate, whose eyes were already on you. It was tense, the situation between you, and you wondered if it could be solved with one discussion, if this was really only about you leaving with Lo’ak. Your head moved minutely in the direction of the entrance to the tent, and he nodded at you, understanding instantly.

You left quietly, so as to not disturb the jubilant reunion, and sat on the edge of the platform, dipping your feet in the warm, clear blue water.

He sat next to you, and his body was turned towards yours, his thigh touching yours, his eyes staring down at the side of your face, that refused to look at him.

“Atan…”

“I’m sorry for what I said. It was hypocritical of me to hold your going after Lo’ak against you, when I have been doing that my whole life and getting injured as a result and coming close to dying a couple of times. I’m sorry for saying you are not trying. You obviously are, and I’m sorry I didn’t try to look at this from your perspective. You are doing amazing, you have had to overcome so much and you always come out stronger than you were, and every time I don’t understand how that’s even possible. I need you to know, that nobody is abandoning you. Tuk is still your biggest fan and she talks about you all the time when we are swimming. I think she chewed Tsireya’s ear off about you, and she misses you being around in the water with her. And Kiri, well, she just finds comfort in nature, and you know this, and right now the nature is… well, where you aren’t. You have nothing to be worried about.”

Your eyes lifted to meet his and you saw he looked… off, although he was being earnest in his apology. You couldn’t place what was wrong with him, what happened to him in the last couple of days, and it worried you, doubt eating at you mercilessly.

“I’m sorry for bringing up the fact you left. It was unfair of me.”

“Friends?” You smiled a little, still unconvinced that the situation was resolved, but cooing to yourself quietly when his hand caressed your cheek in the way that made you melt into him.

“Friends.”

Gideon stood behind as everyone was flying peacefully above the forest. He watched them all attentively, all of them, trying to think of everything he knew about them, everything he could use. He needed to figure out weaknesses, possible liabilities. He needed a plan to find you, talk to you on your own. He needed to know all the things he’s missed, needed you to know he would do anything in his power to protect you. This time, at least, he’d make sure he wasn’t too late. His mind flooded uncontrollably with images of his first daughter, Sarah, and how hard she had fought that cancer, how tiny she was, how he wasn’t even there when she died. He gave up everything, his integrity, and power, and life, his future, his family, his peace of mind, to come here and be paid the money that would save her life, but it was too late. It haunted him at night, the knowledge that she died alone. That her own dad wasn’t there to hold her as she gave her last breath. Further guilt brought shame deep in his soul as he realised he also abandoned you - willingly or not, you had to grow up alone. You were alone since you were ten, Spider mentioned, orphaned as a child. You were surrounded by Jake Sully’s kids, so he was hopeful that your life didn’t turn out as miserable as his nightmares painted it. You looked protective over them, they all thought you were all siblings. You had a family, one that he had no part in. It hurt him, the thought, it killed him like poison daggers, slowly, agonisingly. He hoped he could still see you, at least once. Could at least hear your voice, look into your eyes and apologise for all the mistake that lead to this, for all the time he has not loved and protected you the way he should have.

“Boss, long range patrol picked up a radar hit. A rogue gunship.”

“Where?”

“Eastern Sea, 400 klicks North.”

Turns out he was gonna get to see you sooner than he thought, and turns out he wouldn’t be alone. Fuck.

Everybody was really happy that Kiri was awake, except herself, it seemed. Neteyam noted with concern that she ate much less that she normally did, and didn’t want to come swimming with everyone else, which used to be her favourite thing to do in this village. It was early morning when the whole Sully family was up and about, most of them already gone. Later in the day, you would go deepwater hunting and scavenging with the rest of the Metkayina, but for now, you had a free morning. Neteyam peered over at you, hunched over the fire, chatting with Kiri and preparing food for her, determined to get her to eat. You sensed his eyes on you, as you always did, and you looked up, eyebrows raised in the direction of the exit. As Kiri was absentmindedly turned around, in her own little world, you signed to him in the language you now knew fluently. Go. I want to chat to her. Go find your brother. He needs you.

He did as he was told, walking through the village saying hello to all the people he has come to know in the past couple of months. The Metkayina were nice, he concluded. A little strange, but good, kind people once they got past his family’s… unique circumstances. It helped, he thought, that his dad was Toruk Makto, and he saw every day how people treated him almost like a deity, like a king among men. It was hard to think of his dad that way - he’s heard the stories, he’s seen the outcome of his war with the Aliens, he met other clans who he brought together during the time of Great Sorrow, but to him, he was just his dad. A little rough around the edges sometimes, particularly since the RDA came back, but still, just his dad, that used to carry him places and make him fly in his arms as a child, who carved wooden toys for them and taught him how to use a bow in a river near the village.

He found Lo’ak on the beach, deep in thought as he looked somewhere in the distance. Neteyam traced his brother’s gaze to a few girls, having fun in the water, enjoying the sunny day. He smirked when he saw the girl that seemed to take most of his baby brother’s attention recently. A four-fingered hand on Lo’ak shoulder startled him, and the oldest Sully laughed a little at how focused the boy must have been on Tsireya to not even notice his brother approaching at all.

“Bro, you scared the shit out of me.”

“I can see. Poor Tsireya’s ears are going to flame up with the amount you are staring at her.”

Lo’ak’s own ears turned purple and twitched in chagrin. Neteyam took a seat next to his brother.

“Lo’ak, I wanted to apologise.”

That got his baby brother’s attention, who rose an eyebrow expectantly. You and Lo’ak and your fucking eyebrows.

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you that Payakan is good. And that I got jealous after you left.”

“You got jealous? Why?”

“Because she followed you. Because you got to stay, a whole year I couldn’t. Because you were there to watch her grow up, look after her when I wasn’t. Because your presence in her life was always positive and filled with laughter and human things I can’t understand, but you seem to, things you like. I think I’ve held a grudge for a long time, and I shouldn’t have. Because it wasn’t your fault. And I am grateful you were there for her, and that she had you. You have a connection with her I never will, and while it pained me watching you give her the Avatar, ask her to be your mate, none of it was on you, and I shouldn’t have let it come between us. I am sorry, Ma’tsmukan (brother).”

Lo’ak was speechless and Neteyam revelled a little at the sight, which was as rare as a new Toruk Makto. He should have done this a long time ago. There were plenty more things Neteyam had to apologise to his baby brother for, but he didn’t want to overwhelm his already disheveled demeanour.

“Bro, you’re going to make me emotional in front of the girl I like.” Neteyam laughed a little and opened his arms for his brother, who more than happily closed the gap and hugged him, just like they did when they were young.

They lay on the soft sand, bathing in the warm sun rays that provided a welcome respite from the constant state of moisture they usually found themselves in.

“Neteyam…?”

“Mmm?”

“How did you know?…”

Neteyam propped himself up on his elbows to look at his brother, that was sitting again, staring again.

“How did you know you were in love?

It was Neteyam’s turn to be speechless. In love? He knew Lo’ak had a crush, but didn’t realise how deep it ran. He thought about it for a long while, mind wandering to you, to your currently messy situation.

“Hmm… that’s a heavy question, brother. It might be a little different for me than for you. You see, I have loved her my whole life. Loving her has always been as easy as the air I breathed - as necessary, too. I don’t actually know the moment I fell in love with her, because it was not sudden. Back when we were younger, every once in a while, she would say something, or look at me a certain way, and my breath hitched in my throat… she’d laugh or smile up and her eyes gleamed in a way I only saw the night stars do, and my mind went blank. But over time, it happened more and more, until one day every touch, every glance, every moment gave me the same sensation, until I couldn’t be around her without turning into a mess of musings and feelings. There was one moment, the first moment, when I remember thinking ‘Shit, I am in love with her, what I am going to do?’. I think we were about 16 at the time, and I had sneaked out of our tent to go spend the night with her. We used to do this a lot, but that night, she fell asleep earlier than she normally does, and she fell asleep on my chest. I could feel her ribcage go up and down every time she took a breath. I think she had a cold, because her nose was blocked and she was snoring a little, and I just watched her. And I had never been happier, than in that moment, just holding her in my arms, and feeling her sleeping on me… and then she said my name. She was dreaming, and she said my name. And it was with love, with yearning, and my whole heart just stopped. And I knew then, that I could no longer hide, I could no longer pretend that what I felt for her was anything less than everything. That I would give her everything I have, that I am, for as long as there is still breath in my lungs.”

“Lo’ak, when you are in love, you will know. And if you are, then I am happy for you, little brother. Because despite the hurt, and the pain and the fights, there is no better feeling in the world. And if she’s the one, then she’s lucky to have someone like you.”

You finish grilling some fresh fish on the fire pit in your Marui to feed Kiri, and if you could actually get her to eat it, you were going to celebrate. You couldn’t blame her, having been in her position one too many times. In fact, if anyone could understand what she was going through, it was you.

“Please talk to me? I know you may not want to, but it’s me… you used to tell me everything. And whatever it is, we can work through it together. We always have, no? It’s always been you and me, the two girls with scientist human mothers and no dads? The two girls who used to watch endless hours of video logs and read through encyclopaedias, the girls who used to theorise about who our dads were, what they liked, what traits we got from them? I’m still the same person… just a little bluer, and a little taller, but still me.”

“I saw my mum… you know? The same way you did.”

Your mouth fell agape, but you tried to focus on being calm, so as to not startle her into silence once again.

“Did she say anything?”

“We hugged… it was so nice. It felt like home. We were back in the forest. I asked… I asked her why am I different. I asked her who my father was. But she didn’t answer. She was just taken from me, pulled from my arms and into the abyss. That’s all I remember.” Her eyes were leaking soft tears, and you went to her side and hugged her. She reciprocated, holding you close. “It was so scary…”

“I know… I’m sorry.”

“You said you had a whole conversation with your mother. Why did the Great Mother not allow me to do the same?”

You thought about it for a second, needing to choose your words carefully.

“I think the Great Mother is very careful as to what escapes her, because the knowledge that our ancestors, the people who have reached that plane have is beyond us. It’s beyond what we’re supposed to know. I think when Grace was about to share something that could potentially change the course of your life, your future, Eywa stopped her. Because I don’t think we’re supposed to know, we are supposed to live our lives with no outside interference.”

“But what could she have told me about my dad that was so dangerous, so monumental that Eywa had to stop it?”

You bit the inside of you lip aggressively and wondered if the Great Mother would strike you down if you opened your mouth in that moment. To be fair, all you had were theories, so maybe you should keep them to yourself.

“I don’t know, Kiri… All I know is that you are special. And that’s something to be celebrated, not hidden.”

A couple of hours later, you were ready to go diving, and a smile broke through as you watched Neteyam and Lo’ak walk back to your tent, laughing and pushing each other playfully. It was good to see them together again, it was good to see them be brothers again, like they used to be when you were all young. Neteyam’s face split in a dazzling smile, that took your breath away, when he spotted you, and your heartbeat rose as you took him in, those beaded braids flinging from side to side, his imposing yet boyish walk that you found so attractive, those piercing eyes and that beautiful smile, all there to make your tail swish furiously, a dead giveaway for your emotions. He didn’t say anything as he approached you, but took your face in his hands and kissed you, like nobody was there or watching, like the whole world was a mere void around you, like it was the first time. You were surprised and a little shy, knowing Lo’ak and Kiri were right there, but you reciprocated, melting into him, as you always did, and appreciating the very rare public display of affection. You were dizzy when he let you go, pressing his lips to yours gently one more time, and you laughed at the peculiarity of the act.

“What was that for?”

“I just really really love you. And I am very grateful to have you. And sometimes I feel I take for granted what we have, this meteor-strike, one-of-a-kind love that somehow beat all odds. I forget how you have been the only constant in my whole life, how you are the only one I have ever seen, in this whole world. I let frustrations get the best of me, and I am bad at communicating, and I am so so sorry.”

You looked at him incredulously, and then at Lo’ak. “What did you do to my mate?”

“Nothing, Angel. He got there all on his own, if you can believe that.”

You had no answer to that, as a loud horn was met with excited yelps and scream from all around you in the marui adjacent to yours. I think, whatever this was, it was safe to assume the deep water scavenging was cancelled.

You saw Tsireya on her ilu, waving her hand with a big smile on her face, as every villager around her dove in and got on their own.

“The tulkun have returned! Everybody, our brothers and sisters have returned!”

You eyes locked with Neteyam’s, and a wave of enthusiasm washed over you, and you took his hand and called one of your new little aquatic friends, wishing secretly it was Neyn instead, so you could share this moment with her. You both got in the water and on top of the same ilu, hurrying towards the spot everyone else was. You felt his hand slide up your thigh to hold you better in place, and as you wrapped your arms around his abdomen and placed your hands flush against his abs, you knew you had more than one thing to celebrate tonight.

The return of the tulkun was a spectacle few words can do justice. The mammoth beings played and breached and barrel rolled in the water, and you watched as their Metkayina brothers and sisters joined them, talking and catching up, sharing secrets and anecdotes gathered in their time apart. Both you and your mate were in awe at the events unfolding all around you, smiling from ear to ear and holding your hands tightly together. This was love, and you knew it too well, you felt it around you and within you, you felt it in him.

This amazing rare encounter marked a time for celebration among the tribe, and festivities would be underway soon and last for a couple of days. Tsireya said it is the best time of the year, with dancing, and singing and communal dinners and communion with Eywa to give thanks for the safe return of their spiritual brothers and sisters.

It was everything she promised and more, and once again you found yourself reminded of the beautiful customs of the Omatikaya, and how much all the celebrations nuzzled their way deep into your heart, to never be forgotten, to always be yearned for. It was unlike anything else, the feeling of community as you all danced together, girls courting their prospective mates, boys watching entranced at the beauty and grace of it all. The drums that beat in sync with your heart, and how your voice filled the void with music from your home planet that the people accepted and encouraged, and then later on, began joining in for. You wondered if these would also start feeling the same in time, the more the forest began feeling like a long forgotten dream.

You and Neteyam slipped by unnoticed in the midst of the seemingly unending celebration. You were chuckling as he was chasing you, tugging playfully at your tail and soon enough, you reached a deserted plot of land, hidden behind some shrubbery. You laid down on the hard surface of a big flat rock, and you both sighed as you positioned your head on his chest, listening to his rhythmic heartbeat and settling breath. You had your fights, and being with him was frustrating sometimes, as you were sure it was for him too, but damn, nothing in the world could ever measure up to this feeling. The feeling of his hand slowly caressing your bare back was sending shivers down your spine, and you raised a leg on top of his, getting closer to being so intertwined no would would be able to untangle you. He turned his body to the side, facing you now, and smiled softly at you, a look of melancholy pushing his eyebrows together. You brought your hand to his forehead and smoothed it out, caressing his cheek when you were done, action met with a quiet, low purr.

“Atan… I need you, so much.”

You kissed him, slowly at first, but as desire quickly overcame your senses, you were putty in the kiss, giving in to him as he deepened it, rolling you both until he was on top of you, one leg in between your own.

Neteyam moaned, overwhelmed as his consciousness was flooded by your scent, your taste, your body. His mind was in shambles as it was trying to understand the intensity of all the emotions coursing through his veins, from the arousal and need for you, to the formidable love his heart was barely able to contain in his chest, to the fear and confusion of the vision of you he was met with at the spirit tree and finally the deep seeded hurt at the unresolved conflicts still plaguing you both, still plaguing his dreams, feeding his insecurities.

As you were hurriedly tugging at his loincloth, trying to untie it without breaking the kiss, one emotion won by a landslide. His cock sprung free as you finally succeeded, slapping messily on your abdomen. Neteyam bent the leg that was in between yours, until it reached your core, and he felt a patch of wetness stain your cloth. You couldn’t help grinding on his leg, and the sight of you writhing underneath him, trying to get yourself off on him drove him mad. Whatever ounce of self-restraint went straight out the window, and he ripped your clothes swiftly away, plunging two digits into your wet core, twitching at your whimpering noises.

“I need you. Fuck, I need you so bad, Atan.”

You reached for your queue, begging to feel him, for some reassurance that you, what you had was alright, that despite all the mess you both made of each other, he was still him, and you were still you, forever intertwined, forever one. He looked at you, slight panic displayed all over his features, but eventually he brings his forth and the connection makes you knees wobbly and your mind fuzzy. It pains you, feeling him, feeling all the contradicting emotions taking over his soul, feelings the hurt and pain, the dread and affection, need and yearning, and trying to make sense of them all. What was on his mind? What could possibly be plaguing him to such an unnerving extent? It couldn’t all come from the past couple days, could it? You hoped your emotions would put his at ease, at least a little. Sure, you were a little upset, and somewhat worried for him, but that always paled in comparison to the ever-growing love and desire that nested deep in you, that started years ago, that will never falter.

You looked at his face, furrowed and pained, and you brought your hand up, caressing it slowly.

“Neteyam… what is wrong?”

He kissed you, forcefully, taking your jaw and holding you in one place, and you were scared of him, for him, you weren’t sure.

“Hey… stop.”

You pushed him away and he rolled over with a frustrated growl. You straddled him and lowered your body until you were face to face. “What is eating at you, Yawne (beloved)?”

He brought an arm over his face, shielding his eyes from you. You waited, knowing better than to push him. Eventually he removed his arm and you saw tears falling down the side of his face and onto the ground. Your heart broke at the sight, at the sight of your mate who was going through something you couldn’t understand, that he didn’t share with you.

“I feel like I’m losing you, like I’m going to lose you.”

The feelings of confusion and fear were perfectly clear on your face that was contorting to accommodate the emotions electrifying your being, but you tried your best to remain calm, as to not hurt him further.

“Neteyam… why would you say that? What happened at the Spirit Tree?”

You were met with silence, deep, unsettling silence, that rang more painfully in your ears than all the music that has been loudly enveloping the village for hours at this point.

“Hey, look at me. Look at me.” Eventually he did as he was told, and with blow after blow, you felt exhausted at his despairing look, that was mirroring the deep-seeded sadness in his soul, that you could feel through your still-intact bond.

You took his hands by the wrists and directed them to your body, on both sides of your abdomen.

“I’m here.”

You kissed him, softly and intensely, pouring your whole heart in it.

“I’m here.”

You took him, his whole impressive length in your hands and started pumping him, slowly, firmly, until he was moaning loudly beneath you.

“I’m not going anywhere. Ever again. Let me show you, that I am here, that I love you, that whatever this is, we will work through it, like we always do.”

You never got to do this - be in control. You never felt the need for it, you loved being his, being owned, wholly and completely, but you needed this now, he needed this now.

You continued pumping him and his look - parted lips, flushed cheeks, eyes tightly shot, ears pushed back, quick breaths and heart racing - drove you wild and the power you felt made liquid pool as you started grinding on him, looking for your own release. It felt good - too good, and sensing his worries melt away slowly only intensified it, and without being able to withstand it any longer, you got up and lined his cock to your sopping entrance and lowered yourself on him slowly, feeling every inch of him, allowing him to do the same. You both moaned in unison, and he got up, aligning your faces, looking deep into your eyes as you bottomed out, wobbly at how deep in you he was, at the maddening stretch that was almost too much to bear.

“I’m here. Do you feel this, feel me? Do you feel what you do to me, how you make me feel? I love you, I will always love you, it’s just you and me. Just you and me, forever.”

“Forever?”

You smiled and threw you head back, overwhelmed by all the sensations you were experiencing.

“Forever.”

You moaned, eyes tightly shut, hair tickling your lower back, that he grabbed and pulled on. You started moving, an agonising pace that didn’t last long as he grabbed your hips forcefully and lifted you off his dick and back on it, over and over, over and over, a ruthless back and forth that made you mewl and whimper, hysterical over how good it felt, how you knew this orgasm was going to rush over you like volcanic fire, leaving nothing in its wake but the ash of your trembling body. He knew you were close when you squeezed around him, and he increased the pace at which he was rutting upwards into you, animalistic desire overtaking his every conscious thought.

“I need you to come in me. I need to feel you in me, feel you filling me up, please.”

You were barely coherent, but he understood you amongst the moans and pleasured cries.

“Come for me, Atan. Let me feel you.”

You did just as you were told, as you always did - his words holding such power over you, and you felt your orgasm prolonging as thick spurts of his cum shot into you, filling you up and sliding down your ass. It was a holy experience, this feeling, this time with him, unlike anything else you have ever experienced, and you were happy to make out only positive emotions in his mind for now. You didn’t want to move, didn’t want this to end, and you stood like this, looking in each other’s eyes, kissing softly, filled to the brim, just like you loved to be.

You came back from your outing and left for the tent, spent and in need of respite. You left Neteyam with his family, and you were surprised to see little Tuk still up. She got on her feet when she saw you and jumped in your arms, which you were happy about, having felt a little disconnected from her recently.

“Hi, cutie, what are you still doing up?”

“I cannot sleep when everybody is away. I want to be dancing, too!”

“Oh, sweetie, you danced all night! It’s past your bedtime, you need to sleep a lot so you can get stronger. You want to be strong like your mummy and daddy, no?”

“I want to be strong like you!”

You let out a small cry at the words, a mantle of surprise engulfing you like a shroud. You needed this, you realise, needed her, needed to know you were still loved, you still had a family that would choose you, despite your many shortcomings, despite being different, despite being nothing new.

“I’m not that strong, baby. I need you to be stronger than me.”

Tuk crossed her arms around her chest in a defying motion, shaking her head furiously, a small pout gracing her beautiful features.

“No. You are strong. The strongest. You are smart, and kind and good with a bow, and a gun. You stand up to daddy even when Lo’ak and Neteyam don’t, and you’re the best ikran rider in the village!”

You laughed loudly at her unbridled praise, and found it funny how unreliable of a judge she was, but appreciative and grateful to know how she saw you, in spite of all your insecurities.

“Don’t say that in front of Neteyam!”

“So you don’t love Tsireya more than me?”

She gasped and circled your neck in a tight hug.

“Never. You’re my second mummy, you always will be.”

“That’s good to hear, baby.”

“Can you sing me to sleep?”

“Of course. Come on, scooch in.” Tuk made a temporary home in your lap, head propped in a comfortable position and legs sprawled all over her woven sleeping mat. You removed her hair out of her face and continued caressing her forehead in a calming motion, the same way your mum used to do for you when you were her age. You remembered a song from a movie you loved from back then, and you decided you needed to show it to Tuk one day, but for now, your singing would have to do.

Where the North wind meets the sea, there's a river full of memory

Sleep, my darling, safe and sound, for in this river, all is found

Yes, she will sing to those who'll hear, and in her song, all magic flows

But can you brave what you most fear, can you face what the river knows?

Come, my darling, homeward bound

When all is lost, then all is found

Gideon stood and watched as Quaritch was burning yet another village in his quest to find Jake Sully. He was sick to his stomach at the damage this was doing to these innocent people. Gideon had no problem with murder. He had no problem with intimidation, or hurting people, but at least back on Earth, it was to protect his country. It was against people who were a threat to the security of everyone who lived in it, a potential threat to his family, to his daughter. He could justify it, the atrocious acts, and it would help him sleep at night. But this, all the things he has done since coming to Pandora, no matter how badly he knew he did it to save his daughter, that he had no choice, it still haunted him, giving him nightmare after nightmare he would never outlive.

“IT’S TORUK MAKTO! HAS HE BEEN HERE?” He winced as the rest of the crew was tasing villagers, as Quaritch pulled roughly on the queue of the Olo’eyktan, that he now knew how painful and connected to the rest of his being it was. He didn’t say anything - he couldn’t. Any intervention would be a risk he couldn’t take, not when his plan would warrant him instant death, not when he was so close to seeing you, to meeting you.

Quaritch came close to him and pulled him to the side.

“This shit ain’t working.”

“No,” Gideon said. “They’re stone-walling us.”

“If we turn up the heat, he’s just gonna keep running. We got to draw him out.”

Gideon looked back from Ikran at the burning village, and felt his own self-hatred eat at him, like a parasite, like a virus that would kill him slowly, driven mad by his inaction, by the feeling is his gut that what he was doing was just as bad, if not worse. The Recoms reached the ship that has been doubling as a home for a while, while they navigated the Eastern Sea and this seemingly never-ending archipelago. Scoresby, the captain of this ship and a grade A asshole was waiting on the deck of the ship, a furious look on his face.

“I’m over it. I’ve got quotas to meet.”

“You want to hunt? Let’s hunt.”

Everyone turned, shocked at the words coming out the colonel’s mouth. Even Scoresby, that psycho, couldn’t believe his ears.

“What? Here? Not here, there’s too many villages.”

“No, no no no.” the scientist, Dr. Ian Garvin interrupted, then hated himself for it, as dread clearly filled his eyes looking at the 10 foot tall solider in front of him. Gideon felt for the man, with whom he had a little more in common than he was willing to admit. A broken man, an alcoholic who came to Pandora with dreams and good intentions, his love for the planet and the science fueling his fire, a fire which was promptly snuffed out when he realised the never-ending depths of the depravity that surrounded this whole company that he was now working for. A marine biologist who had to watch as the beings he adulated were murdered brutally in front of him for profit, and he watched, like a coward, like Gideon.

“Respectfully, sir, you do not understand the kinship bonds between the Tulkun and the Ocean Na’vi. It would be like murdering a member of their family.”

“If we start hunting here, the hostiles will come after us.”

“Exactly. One hostile in particular.”

Gideon prayed Jake Sully was smarter than to fall for this, and he prayed for whatever little remained of his soul after this whole endeavour.

You woke up the next day sandwiched between your mate, who was snug behind you, snoring lightly in your ear, leg in between yours, and Tuk, whom you were keeping close to you, and whose hands you have been holding all night. You felt content, even despite the craziness of the past couple of days, and grateful for the people you were sharing a tent with. Things finally seemed to be looking up, you thought, as your swimming improved, and your relationship with Lo’ak mended, and your insecurities about Kiri and Tuk melted away a little. You were worried about Neteyam, but you hoped he would open up about whatever was eating at him soon, and you hoped you eased his mind a little last night.

You had a pleasant family day, laughing and chatting idly by the fire, enjoying the calming sounds of the rain falling all around you and hitting the water right outside your home. It was a short-lived comfort, however, as Tonowari towered at the entrance, dark haunted look marring his features. You all quieted taking him in, and your mum and dad, as well as you and Neteyam went to check on whatever it was that made him this way.

You were barely holding in tears as you neared the dreaded sight, the dead tulkun and her calf, both of them floating aimlessly, held up by orange floating bags with the RDA logo on it. You felt yourself hanging on tighter to your mate, squeezing your arms around his abdomen and letting out quiet sobs that were drowned out by Ronal’s. You watched as she dismounted her Tsurak and approached the departed pair, climbing so she could look in its now empty eyes. You look to your left at Jake and Neytiri, who had similar expressions to yours, and reached your hand for Neytiri’s, who squeezed it, both needing the comfort and the feeling of companionship in these trying times.

Pained wails escaped Ronal’s mouth as she took in the dead calf accompanying the mother.

“Her name is Ro’a.”

“She was my spirit sister. She was a composer of songs - much revered. We would sing together. She waited many breeding cycles to have this calf. The clan was so happy for her. What is this, Tonowari?”

“WHAT IS THIS?”

“What is this?” Tonowari barked. “Why is she marked?”

You were confused, but tapped Neteyam on the shoulder to take the ilu to where the chieftain was.

“It is probably just a way to distinguish them. A cruel way, but that’s humanity for you.”

You finally reached the other side of the tulkun, and looked at what everybody was appalled at. There was big, red, blinking rod, impaled deeply in her skin. Next to it, there was writing on the underside of the fin, carved with a knife. It was red, from the dry blood that spilled as it was drawn, and scarred slightly, meaning it wasn’t fresh. There wasn’t a lot of blood, or any drippings as gravity pushed it down, so you concluded it was done after the tulkun was killed.

“Can you understand it?” Ronal said in a scathing voice, more a snarl than actual words.

“No, it’s not English.”

You looked at it, and stupor overcame you, but you tried your best to maintain your composure. Breathe… breathe… breathe.

To Jake this might mean nothing, but to you it did. It was a language you didn’t know well, but you knew enough to understand. Your mum taught you some of it when you were a baby, telling you it was the language her and your dad spoke to each other when they wanted to not be heard, when they wanted something for themselves.

“Tonight. Midnight.

10 km E of village, deserted island.

Come alone.”

“Kid, can you understand it? You’re the smartest one here.”

“No, Jake, I can’t. Sorry.”

Taglist (thank you ily x) @changing7 @erenjaegerwifee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @winchestertitties @puffb4ll @rebeccao03 @ultimatebluff @cottoncandy23 @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @n3t3y4msm4t3 @loquatious-josephi-krakousky @eternallyvenus @fresh-new-yoik-watah @lu-the-ghost-reader @@miawastakens @mm0thie @fanboyluvr

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kafus · 3 months

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my friend who passed away was the friend who got me that event pichu exclusive to IRL movie theaters in south korea that i mentioned a while back. his name was Riku

he passed away in the early morning of the 22nd (21st in my timezone). he was in his early 20s and had just moved out on his own and it was way too soon for him to go. just a week or two ago i was watching the kaika and vwp gensho concerts with him at 4 in the morning. he was around literally everyday - me and my friends found out about his death so soon because we were concerned that he was gone for just one day, and on the second day we reached out to one of his IRL friends to find out where he was. he was often in the hospital so i was hoping he was just afk for a particularly long time in the hospital and he would send a picture of his iv drip and the ceiling like he always did. i could not have imagined this would be the time he didn't make it. it is going to be weird not hearing from him literally everyday like i have been for the past 2-3 years. i am really struggling with this, i have had friends pass away but never any this close to me. i'm trying to keep myself together for his sake

leave it to me to process strong emotions through pokemon i guess but i loaded up SV to give the pichu the best friends ribbon so it says "the Great Friend" when sent out. i can't nickname it due to the fateful encounter flag but i've given him the name Anemo in my mind at least since our main shared interest that we met over was Kamitsubaki, and his favorite singer was Isekaijoucho, and the flower things in her hair are called Anemos (short for Anemones) and i thought naming him in a small way after something he loved and an interest we shared would benice

i also did a nuzlocke a while back where i had some special rulings to do with naming all my encounters after my friends from the friend group me and riku were in - the pokemon everyone got assigned were random and decided by spinning a wheel, and riku ended up being my flygon that came to the E4 and everything

i wasn't planning on ribbon mastering any pokemon from that playthrough, but now i really want to RM this flygon specifically. transfer him up and take him with me yknow

riku was not a pokemon fan in particular, but it was something we shared/bonded over - he used to ping me whenever he saw art of any kamitsubaki character with pokemon, and he went out of his way to celebrate that interest with me, even thru our language barrier

his favorite musician of all time was Kanzaki Iori, and some months ago he put out a call for fans to send him pictures he could use in the youtube videos for some cover songs he was doing. riku submitted photos, and on two occasions his photos were actually included - we didn't share pictures of ourselves or our real life often, so these were some of his rare photos of his real life presence

i can't stop listening to these. i cannot imagine how many times he listened to them himself. he was so happy about his photos being in these videos

i'll make a more proper memorial post at a later time (i want to draw something dedicated to him) but i just sort of wanted to ramble about this to get some thoughts out of my head in a public space. riku didn't have a ton of people in his IRL life and we were just friends over the internet but i want him to be remembered and i want my feelings today to be saved somewhere. eventually it'll get easier but for now it's still really raw

#kiki was here #kiki.txt #death tw

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myork · 2 years

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9 Years Of BTS . (130613)

One word you associate with BTS or how they make you feel

As answered by my mutuals and followers ♡

Thank you so much to everybody who answered and shared your reasons with me <3 here are a few other explanations <3

"I'm a Christian and I was pretty scared of joining this fandom because I though I was going to be judged. But I wasn't–like, at all. This family is filled with the people I trust the most, because BTS and ARMY always got my back–And I'll always have theirs."

"if it was two words i would say big brothers because that's exactly what they are to me. a bit like the kuyas (a word in plural form in my native language used to refer to an older man with respect or for an older man in general like older brothers) i've never had. that's probably why i picked "family." i think it hits me hard because i don't have any siblings. also my mom is willing to adopt them and become their mom lol."

"they made me learn to love myself, and love life... <3"

"ive never seen such a tight-knit group honestly it’s like they’re all siblings. also each one of them are talented in their own way."

"I just feel like theyre rlly good role models for healthy communication and. idk they make me feel loveable/not alone with my mental health struggles."

"My sense of purpose. Life for me was eat, sleep, work until they inspire me to want to do and be more."

"Their music makes me so happy and almost always puts a smile on my face. Songs like Mikrokosmos and Anpanman and Butter especially just always make me grin. And then of course they release so much content that makes me smile. And interacting with other Army makes me smile too, its always nice to connect with someone over a shared love for BTS. Have you ever been so overcome/overwhelmed with happiness that you started laughing?? BTS makes me do that on a regular basis."

"for me bts is the representation of brotherhood/family. They have been together for more than 10 years, they have known each other so well, in other words, they are like brothers who support and love each other no matter what and i think that's sweet because in our society people tend to judge this kind of friendships by calling them "gay". However, you know what's the best thing? That they don't care about what people say about them, they still behave the same way with each other and that's what makes me love them even more."

"Basically like home. I know they're extremely chaotic but there's this sense of peace in my heart that I found them."

"Always make me swoon."

"There really is no better word for me to explain how those seven young men from South Korea make me feel. I don't feel any other band I followed/stan in the past years ever felt as comforting (and familiar, in a way) as BTS does. Whenever I feel like I'm about to fall into a bad mental state, or I'm bored/sad or I just want to distract myself from this real world, I listen to their music or watch a run bts episode or even a compilation of their best/funniest/most comforting moments and feel better. No matter what, they always manage to make me smile and bring me the same comfort I would feel as my closest friend hugged me for hours."

"they were there for me through some really hard times, i don't know what i would've done without them."

"i’m a baby army (got interested in them after grammys 2022) and i haven’t been this happy in a while, watching random yt videos of them, listening to their songs and their meaning. for me it’s like a ray of sunshine everytime. i don’t have army friends yet so i can’t have pretty much no one to talk abt this so i just make my friends/bf listen to my daily rants about them haha"

"because they make me happy."

"BTS encourages me to love myself. BTS loves me and other ARMY even without meeting most of us. They love us so much that they tell us to stop listening to their music, watching their videos, etc. and go do important things like homework, work, or spending time with family and friends. BTS loves us so much that they want to give all ARMYs a free concert. BTS loves us so much that they post little updates of their lives when they know we're missing them. BTS loves us so much that they use us to love themselves. BTS loves us so much that they call us their best friends, their butterflies, and their stars. BTS loves us so much that they've created a community of people who respect each other like brothers and sisters even if they don't know each other personally (ARMY). BTS' love has created social movements for change and has donated so much money for the greater good. This love is truly pure and genuine, and I have never felt such a love from someone so far away, never mind from an artist to a fan. It doesn't matter that we're hemispheres apart, because I feel like they are with me and I am with them. This love is why BTS makes me feel loved."

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wawamouse · 3 days

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maybe me getting drunk is just ---> wow chico is really hot. of coruse, i wouldn't think this as a regular thought but for the fact that i strategetically only drink on saturdays which is also the day that we watch OZ. so i really should work on my fic at this point but i keep thinking woow wowoowow. i need to write something sexy for once like acutally. There is a song called Down in Mexico that I want to write a fic based on where it's like an Au where miguel is on the run and meet chico after crossing the border and they hook up . <3 I think it would be interesting but i am NOOTTT good at writing smut so ive yet to write it but one day (hopefully I will). i think a hang up i have with writing Oz is like I'm like "this is a cold place" but jhonestly? fanfiction is a kind of escapism so I needn't apply such realism loll. myabe they just fall in love? EVER THINK Of THAt. it could be beautiful. i should write fluff more 😤 Altho, for now, I need to work on my cdrama fanfic bc god knows i dont' relaly have time to write during the week lately. i love you chico x miguel. what a great ship! hits all the spots for me.

Ather fics I woould like to write:

mukada x jeremiah (but i don't know enough bible verses or reallly any christianity). But i think it would be interesting

since sister brought it up: mukada x tobias???? i feel like they would just be wholesome and nice to each other and that's kind of ncie, is it not?

i think writng a fic with more catholic guilt would be interesting. personallhy my only religious experience with asian fathers is like the bible study i was tricked into as a teen (due to moms) (i also went to christian camp and a catholic university but somehow i retained no christian knowledge really) .so i have an aversion to asian christians due to the person homophobia I experienced. but I think mukada is nice and sort of interesting sometimes. I don't relaly think much of mukada/miguel tho because I feel like mukada is more of a mentor in that situation rather than a lover. and i don't think he would be toxic like that altho i can see why people ship it.

sister is insane with the mukada x glynn of course.

I think other ships worthy of exploration include:

ryan x tobias (need to read/comment on more fic for this. i have trouble concentrating on reading which is why i still haven't gone through the whole archive). I really like ryan in fanfiction altho i must admit i don't care for him much in the actual show. i read ryanx miguel fic before i had finished watching the show and the writers were so talented i ended up enjoying the fic/pairing, altho i think if i had watched the show first, i wouldn't have shipped at all bv ryna is highkey a piece of shit lol.

ryan x stanislofskyi. GET ON IT.

i find myself writing more jia kenmin & cyril fic. (well, two). I think jia kenmin is really just so underwritten it's hard to know what he thinks (beside arrogant) but cyril is so nice. I think an interesting au would be if kenmin actually taught cyril wushu. god, would cyril call kenmin kenny?? btw kenmin is pronounced closer to "kin mean" actually. they don't pronounce it properly in the show. i wish he was a better character because chinese are so underrepresented in u.s media (of course this was the 90s, but at the same time, there are 90s new york shows with plenty of asian rep). Oz is actually really bad at depiction race outside of black and white. there are no south asians in Oz lol. Also it's stupid that Kenmin and Chen and the refugees all seem to be from the mainland. my mom emigrated to the U.S in the 80s and she lived in New york for a while when she had her work visa and worked in a restaurant and she said that most of the asian people there were from taiwan and japan at the time and the taiwanese looked down on the mainlanders for being backwards and poor (they had a big superiority complex and discriminated against mainlanders) . i feel like jia kenmin looks like he's maybe from guangdong or some such province so i imagine his parents are first generation. li chen is maybe from the north because he is paler. their (the actors) chinese sucks, of course. maybe there are no triad members in oz because they just don't get caught, though? It's probably a good thing there are no arab inmates in oz or i think they wouldve done some piss poor 9/11 plot tbh (woe) [EDIT: sober me coming in to add/close this tangent --> what I wanted to say about Kenmin, Chen, and the refugees is that I think it would've made more sense for some of them to be from Hong Kong]

other pairings uuuhh said x tobias, said x arif, sister said said x nacim and i'm kind of on board tbh bc nacim is so devoted to said. but that could also be platonic.

morales. i don't ship him with anyone except that i joke ship him with pancamo (also ship pancamo with torquemada) . I just think it's a shame oz has been around for 20 years and no one has bothered with morales?? rude

wish there was more paul markstrom fic. he seemed really competetn

#text #i am tipsy admittedly #so i know there are many typos in this biut i can't bebothered to fix them #and i trust that anyone reading this will still know what i mean lol

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aeyeona · 5 days

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( . æ エスパ

( ?! )

( æ ) 𝓑 asics .

?! . birth name : hwang yeona ( 황 연나 )

?! . english name : vivianna hwang

?! . surnames : yeo ( aespa ) , yoona ( pred-debut giselle ) , vivi ( brother ) , nana ( MY )

?! . birthdate : septembre 22, 2001

?! . birthplace : suyeong-gu , busan

?! . hometown : seoul , south korea

?! . age : 22 years old

?! . zodiac : virgo

?! . chinese zodiac : snake

?! . ethnicity : korean

?! . nationality : korean

?! . language : korean ( fluent ) , chinese ( fluent ) , japanese ( fluent ) , english ( learning )

( ?! )

( æ ) 𝓟 hysical .

?! . height : 5'5" / 166 cm

?! . blood type : B -

?! . piercings : two ( left ear ) , three ( right ear )

?! . face claim : miyeon ( g-idle )

?! . voice claim : liz ( ive )

?! . dance claim : tzuyu ( twice )

?! . rap claim : kazuha ( lesserafim )

( ?! )

( æ ) 𝓒 areer .

?! . stage name : yeona ( 연나 )

?! . trainee period : three years and four months

?! . company : SM entertainment

?! . group : aespa ( 2020 - now )

?! . position : main vocalist , lead dancer , sub rapper

?! . official symbol : spider web ( 🕸 )

?! . official animal : fox ( 🦊 )

( ?! )

( æ ) 𝓟 ersonality .

?! . mbti : ESTP — T ( her previous results where : ENFP -> INFP )

?! . enneagram : 7w8

?! . positive traits : optimistic , extravert , generous , confident , compassionate , loyal , cheerful

?! . negative traits : picky , messy , moody , sarcastic , lazy , snobby , idealist

( ?! )

( æ ) 𝓕 acts .

?! . she is a really good friend of Yeri ( Red Velvet ) , Lia ( Itzy ) and Dowoon ( Day6 ) .

?! . during her trainee years she was roommate with Kim Yooyeon .

?! . her most viewed fancam is the 2023.11.12, they were performing 'Drama' at the Inkigayo, she reached 562k in the first 24 hours .

?! . her actual bubble username is " 마이의 보호자🤍" wich translate to " MY's protector ", and her actual weverse username is "꽁꽁 얼어붙은 한강 위로 고양이가 걸어다닙니다 🐈" .

?! . she share her birthday with Nayeon ( Twice ) and Seungmin ( Stray Kids ) , but she was born on the same day as him .

?! . her main hobby is to take pictures of her members when they are sleeping .

?! . before performing, her habit is to do tongue twisters .

?! . she's really bad at video games but likes to watch people play .

?! . in 'Celebrity', we can see her thirty seconds where she plays a Japanese celebrity who came to take a picture with 'Seo A Ri'.

?! . she was a big fan of the girl group 'Kara' during her training period.

?! . her audition song was 'One in a Million' ( Twice ) .

?! . in 2022, she was in hiatus for 2 months because she had a nose job .

#( æ ) — profile #aespa #kpop added member #fictional kpop soloist #fictional kpop community #fictional idol group #fictional kpop oc #fictional idol oc #fictional kpop idol #aespa fifth member #aespa added member

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archeryqueen95 · 5 months

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I was tagged by the amazing @narcobarbies !! Thank you so much for tagging me!! 🥰💕🥰💕🥰💕🥰

Last Song: Off the Record by IVE

Song Stuck in my Head: Every Summertime by Niki

Favorite Color: Purple, Green, Black, Blue sometimes Pink

Currently Watching: Sex Education, Money Heist, and Found on Peacock

Currently Reading: I've been reading a lot of lately. So, I would definitely pick: Hiding a Vampire by @jonghoslvt , The Thing About Pretty Boys by @marycorcaroli , Private Lessons by @anundyingfidelity , Something Else by @misslovasstuff , Strawberry and Black Tea by @bowieandqueen11 , Caramel, Salted by @citrinae , and Distraction by @obscure-imagines

Currently Craving: That's amazing question! I'm craving love and affection!!! 😂😂😂😂 But, for food definitely craving Honey Chicken Chipotle Strips from Chili's and Chinese food

Last Movie: Anna Lucasta (1958)

Sweet, Spicy, Savory: All of the Above because I'm greedy! 😂🤣😂

Relationship Status: Very single 😪😪 * in Debbie Jelinsky voice* Don't I deserve love... and jewelry?

Current Obsession: I'm not really sure what I'm obsessed with of lately. I guess it would be health, my painting skills, and mental health

3 Favorite Foods: I'm addicted to good food. So, I'm going to list them all: Crab Rangoons, Spinach and Artichoke dip, Southwestern Egg rolls, Cinnamon rolls, Brownies, Pound cakes, Cheesecakes, Cookies, Pancakes, Waffles, Dumplings, Potstickers, Ham Lo Mein, General Tso's chicken, Orange Chicken, Hunan Wings, House Special Fried Rice, Shrimp Egg Foo Young, Moo Shu Pork, Crunchwrap Supremes, Chicken Chalupas, Cinnamon Twists, Coconut Shrimp, and Crispy Honey-Chipotle Chicken

Last Thing I Googled: List of Christmas Movies to Watch

Dream Trip: I want to travel the world actually one day. My dream destinations would be: South Korea, Japan, Maldives, Hawaii, Bora Bora, London, Singapore, France, Biloxi, Mississippi and Bali

Anything I Want Right Now: I want to go to sleep and I want Chinese food

I'm going to be tagging (No Pressure!) I Love Y'all!!!: @cmcclain001 @5tar1117 @evilgeniusandcats @untilspringdays @seungkwan-s @syeiralei @unica-angel @thenerdybonbon @laymedead @to1gf @stardustspell @atinystraykid @xandis @baekhyunsbambi @siyeona @blackinkedobsession @mars-aria @iamcon-fu-sion @negrowhat @saudadewrites @sweetcantae @cozygurlll @ravensfreckles @six2vii @dreamsxannie @astarkey @youremysputnik @sinpiesinpie @lovwonho @bxrn-thxs-wxy-90five @lonesplendour @inlove-withfrogs @hydesjackiespuddinpop @soolucky @ijkailm @trashlord-007 @cakeandcloth @lunaintheskyforever @aengustheprizewinninghog @grl-supremacy @dental-jewelry @hohowonho

#Me!!!#Tagged

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reginarubie · 1 year

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For that lovely anon who asked the “Until I found you,” song, Jonsa story:

Here you have the canon one, know I mean to make the next installment of Jon and Sansa do end up together by Sansa POV with this song so you shall have the modern version too!

(I know you had sent me another ask, but I can’t find it for the life of me in my ask box, I have too many unanswered asks, but I did not forget about you!)

I was lost within the darkness until I found her [I found you]

To the other maidens he had given white roses, but the one he plucked for her was red. “Sweet lady,” he said, “no victory is half so beautiful as you” — Sansa II, AGOT

He wanted it. He wanted it as much as he had ever wanted anything. I have always wanted it, he thought, guiltily. May the gods forgive me. It was a hunger inside him, sharp as a dragonglass blade. — Jon XIII, ASOS

Jon said, "Winterfell belongs to my sister Sansa." — Jon IV, ADWD

Of sudden, he felt the warmth spreading from his chest to his limbs, up his neck, turning almost into a scorching heat burning him, and darkness inside of him from within.

Someone was chanting, chanting in some kind of ancient, malicious tongue that seemed to curl around his heart like an iron fist and squeeze until there was no longer life inside of him and no breath inside of his breast.

Someone was singing, the voice so far and so soft that Jon wondered if it could be his mother, singing to him from the recess of his mind.

Does she know about me?

The next time we see each other, we'll talk about your mother.

In his dreams his mother had always been beautiful, with kind eyes and a soft voice, noble born and she loved him. He wondered if that warmth spreading into his limbs and vanquishing the cold could be her love. Maybe, in death he'd known the embrace of a woman who loved him, that kind of love than could not die, that kind of love one could not deny, the kind of love for which duty and death were nothing but empty words with no power over him.

You know nothing, Jon Snow., Ygritte seemed to accuse him from somewhere in the recess of his mind and Jon could almost feel her probing hands on her, and wished once again Ghost was there, to stand between them.

Ghost, he remembered the blades and the cold.

Traitor.

Half a wildling, half a wolf, the blood of Winterfell. Somewhere deep in his being a wolf howled and it was as if he was suddenly shoved back inside his own body after having floated above it, around it, without anything binding him to the empty vessel he had left behind.

I loved another, echoed in his mind, the warm hand of the Red woman gripping at him, probing at him. The dead need no lovers, Jon Snow. But suddenly her heat was gone from his flesh and Jon felt the burn of the air feeling his lungs again — like the bite of the cold across his flesh — and he shivered as he roused with a sob.

The room was all wrong, he decided as his eyes adjusted to the dim light and the wooden canopy. Everything was wrong.

Davos' kind eyes, fatherly in some way he couldn't quite explain, were the first thing his glance could focus on.

———————————————————————————————————

“You swore an oath!” Edd tried to plead with him. I'm the sword in the darkness, I am the shield that guards the realms of men. He remembered his oath, but he also remembered the darkness and emptiness of death.

“My watch has ended,” he countered, his voice rough and dark and rasping. He doubted he'd ever talk quite right again, or feel quite warm enough from the chilling cold that the bite of death had left behind, claiming some part of him.

“Where will you go?” there was defeat in Edd's voice and Jon almost felt sorry for him. I cannot remain here, not after what happened. Jon knew all of his men by heart if not by name and that those very same men would plunge knives in his back…

“South,” he said on the spurn of a moment “get warm,” he added with a forced smile, that had nothing of the few genuine ones he had found himself dispensing to his men, to his brothers.

He could see in Edd's eyes. What about Winterfell?, Stannis had offered him Winterfell, but Stannis was dead. And Jon was just a bastard, besides, Winterfell belonged to Sansa. It was hers by law and by justice.

I know all about Lady Lannister and her claim, better Sansa and her new name than the bastard who had been killed by his own brothers. Even if she was forever lost, to death or to the coldness, then Winterfell would be lost with her.

You know nothing, Jon Snow.

His fingers curled around the hilt of Long Claw. Honor made you leave, honor brought you back. Then the horn was sounded. Visitors.

Who would come?, who would reach the end of the world and not think of turning back and return where the sun shone and away from this land of death and coldness?

Hair as red as liquid copper, tangled into a semblance of a braid, framing a lovely if pale face and sparkling blue eyes, shining with barely concealed tears.

His heart skipped a beat.

You know nothing, Jon Snow.

Sansa was shivering, but she was real in his arms. Her cheek was ice cold, but as she nuzzled against his face it seemed to spread warmth into his chilled bones. Her arms were trembling and her back was racked by soft sobs.

You are alive, her breath seemed to say, to chant, you are home. And his heart beat at the beat of one single word. Home.

——————————————————————————————————

You fell, I caught you. I'll never let you go like I did.

She's somehow grown more lovely too. He couldn't tell how that was possible. Sansa had always been, at the edge of his mind, someone far lovelier than any maiden in a song. She had been born to be a princess, though he had hated that they had betrothed her to Joffrey.

Daintily she ate the broth Jon had, had brought to them. Beautiful. That's not the right word either, his mind supplied, the right word sitting at the tip of his tongue.

Radiant.

Sansa had always been radiant, but all the more when she was happy. She had looked radiant as she had walked beside Joffrey inside the great hall of Winterfell, so many years past, as Jon bristled in the corner.

Now, she looked even more radiant.

He couldn't feel cold anymore, he realized. It was as if by returning Sansa had also returned some chunk of his own being back to him.

Home.

“Where will you go?” her tone had been even, but Jon could feel the concealed dread and fear in her.

As if Jon could ever let her go, now that they had found one another again.

“Where will we go,” he corrected her watching her slowly realizing the implication of his words as a soft beam opened, timidly, on her rosebud lips — had her lips always looked so pink? — his eyes unable to tear away from the soft peak of her pink tongue as she spoke, “if I don't watch over you Father's ghost will come back and murder me,” he jested.

That was safe.

He was her brother, and Sansa had suffered enough — she had not said but Jon could see it in the depth of her blue eyes — he wanted to be her safe space, from now on.

He smiled to her.

“Where will we go?” she asked again, then, her voice ever softer, as if Jon was being caressed by a cloud of warmth. She had always had the easy smile of the Tullys — they all did — and yet her smile had always been far more enchanting that Robb's or even Arya's.

“I don't know,” he admitted, looking down to his lap, “can't stay here, not after what happened,” he added, looking back to the hearth.

But I will keep you safe, he wanted to say. He didn’t.

“There's only one place we can go,” Sansa murmured, her eyes never leaving his face, “home,”.

He should've been surprised. He wasn't. Sansa was every inch as stubborn as any other of his siblings. His lord father used to say that he knew better than to fight with a Tully.

Jon knew better than think he'd be able to refuse Sansa anything.

“Should we tell the Boltons to pack up and leave?,” he asked, hoping his voice sounded teasing but conveyed the fact that Jon would never bring her back to the Bolton's clutches.

“We'll take it back,”

And there is was. The Tully's head-strongness. Sansa had been perhaps softer than their siblings, but ever as forthright and singleminded as all of them.

“Winterfell is our home,” she said passionately — and when had she learned to talk like that?, who was he joking...Sansa had always had a way with words, a way to get exactly what she wanted — “it's ours,”

I am not a Stark, he almost said. He had made shield of that knowledge since he left home.

“I see what you are, Snow. Half a wolf and half a wildling, baseborn get of a traitor and a whore. You would deliver a highborn maid to the bed of some stinking savage. Did you sample her yourself first? If you mean to kill me, do it and be damned for a kinslayer. Stark and Karstark are one blood."

"My name is Snow.”

“It's ours,” she had said, and how could Jon deny her?, how could Jon ever deny her “and Bran's, and Rickon's and Arya's. Wherever they are, it belongs to our family, we must fight for it!”

As if Jon had not fought, and fought and fought and lost.

“I want you to help me,” she said stepping closer, as if she had not heard him tell her he had fought and lost and he didn't want to fight anymore “but I'll do it myself if I have to,”

Jon would bid her goodnight, hope the sleep would bring her better counsel, but he knew that look in her eye. He knew it like he knew the summer snows and the walls of Winterfell and the names of every Stark king buried in the crypts.

You do not belong here, boy.

Winterfell is ours.

——————————————————————————————————

“Jon doesn't have the Stark name,” Davos pointed out. He was a good man, Jon granted, and he was sure he was willing to help them in any way, because for some reason he had chosen to follow him after Stannis had died.

I am not a Stark.

Winterfell is ours.

“No,” Sansa agreed and Jon felt it like a punch in his gut “but I do,” she added in the same very breath.

She couldn't be suggesting what Jon was thinking, could she?, had she spent enough time with the Lannister to have taken to some of their queer customs?

“Jon is every bit Ned Stark's child as I am,” Sansa decreed, her voice dispelling his doubts “the North will fight for Ned Stark's son,” she said.

———————————————————————————————————

Would you bed your sister, Jon Snow?

A beacon. Jon could not define Sansa in any other way as she walked down the very same steps Jon had descended to met her halfway when she first had reached Castle Black, a bundle in her arms, clad in a dark blue dress and a his old furlined cloak.

“New dress?” he almost cringed at how hopeful his voice sounded as he looked at her. Sansa smiled, sincerely touched by the fact that he had noticed, as if Jon had not noticed every detail about her. Always.

“Yes,” she said looking down at herself, as she would do when they were children and she wanted to show them her newest design with the pride that only a girl so young could feel “do you like it?”

Jon knew nothing of dresses. Say something, he beseeched his mouth, his mind, anything, make her smile, she's beautiful when she smiles.

“I—I like the wolf bit,” he said, going even as far as make an half-aborted gesture to her chest, where the beautiful design of glass pearls composed a beautiful snarling direwolf.

Anything but that, he wanted to slap himself back to death and let the earth swallow him.

Make her smile, you fool, he berated himself, not make her awkward and uncomfortable.

Sansa's smile was timid, but genuine and the blush on her cheeks was well worth the embarrassment, he decided, looking at how lovely she looked in his cloak and with her cheeks flushed so.

“Good,” she said, giving herself composure and smiling openly and truly at him “because,” she opened the bundle of fabric and presented it to him, “I made this for you,” she stated, her eyes sparkling.

It was a cloak. She had made him a cloak. Jon could scarcely breath.

You may now cloak the bride and take her under your protection.

“I made it like the one Father used to wear,” Sansa stated, clearly in an attempt to fill the silence that had suddenly stretched between them “or as far as I can remember,” she added, downplaying all the effort she had surely taken to remember the design and bringing it back to life.

There was the Stark direwolf branded into the leather of its fastenings.

Jon doesn't have the Stark name.

No, but I do.

He looked up at her, “Thank you, Sansa” he said, hoping it could convey how grateful and proud he was that she would wrap him in Stark blazons and name him a Stark by action.

He didn't care for Edd half disgruntled, half disgusted look or for the sappy smile on his lips, the smile he had no intention to fight; he didn't even care if he look a sappy idiot, or a giddy greenboy, nor for the cold as he shed his old cloak and wrapped himself in the one Sansa had made for him.

For him.

———————————————————————————————————

They had taken back Winterfell.

You think that's obvious?

Oh, I think that is a bit obvious!

If Ramsay wins, I'm not going back there alive. Do you understand me?

I will never let him touch you again, I'll protect you. I promise.

“Jon,” her voice had never been so cold, he turned to look at her “where is he?”

He didn't ask, she didn't say. Jon knew better than to confront her about it, she had been far gentler than he'd be, after all. And she was far more beautiful that she had any business of being, but Jon knew well enough, by now, that that would not stop her from growing much more beautiful still.

“Jon,” her voice was unsure, but soft and it left him wanting. The need cutting much deeper than the hunger he had always felt for Winterfell.

I am having the Lord's chambers prepared, he had told her. He had expected Sansa to take them, no question asked. They both knew who deserved them, by virtue of her birth, and by her actions — the Knights of the Vale had won the battle and they had rode North for her — but, in hindsight, he should've expected her to offer them to him instead.

“I am sorry I didn't tell you about the knights of the Vale, but—”

And in that moment Jon knew he loved her. He loved her with the kind of love that went beyond duty and honor and the bindings those imposed on any man, much more a bastard who had wanted nothing more than prove his worth.

“We need to trust each other,” he told her.

Trust me, he wanted to beg her, I kept you safe, didn't I?, have faith in me.

———————————————————————————————————

“You are my sister, but I am king now,” Jon protested.

He knew she had concerns, but she should not have voiced them before the lords, before the lords she ought to have kept her tongue at bay and then broached the subject in private.

Publicly they were to be an united front.

“So what?,” Sansa demanded walking past him “I can't question your decisions any more?” she asked “Joffrey never let anyone question his decisions, do you think he was a good king?”

Jon stopped in his tracks, suddenly as if slapped. He knew of some of the things she had suffered at Joffrey's hands. Not all, he was sure, but some things she had shared with him.

They had wanted to beat any kind of defiance out of her, they had failed, but Sansa had, had to learn to hold her tongue and lie to survive.

I am loyal to my beloved Joffrey, she told him to have affirmed more often than not, never letting her guard down, my one, true love.

She had learned to keep her opinions close to her heart and guarded and to never speak her mind least she wished to see her head removed.

If Jon thought over it, now, her protesting in open court made him feel both like an idiot and preening with pride. Because, she had felt safe enough to do that, to do what she had learned not to do at the Lannister court. She trusted him enough to speak her mind freely, because she knew he would never turn against her.

“Do you think I am Joffrey?” he spat, and if he sounded more pathetically in search for her validation, Jon didn't care. He needed her to tell him, tell him she trusted him. That she knew he was not Joffrey.

That with him she could protest before all the lords of the Realm and beyond and he'd thank her for her consideration — which he hadn't, but he had been blinded by arrogance and misplaced hurt pride before.

“I think you are as far from Joffrey as anyone I have ever met,” Sansa said, rising to his need and delivering her faith in him.

Jon exhaled. Thank the Gods.

“You're good at this, you know?” she asked, and it seemed she was not done complimenting him either. Part of Jon preened at her consideration, part of him filled with dread, knowing he was latching onto her “At what?,” he asked and her smile in reply was genuine.

“At ruling,”

“No,” he teased, looking out. Hoping she would protest.

She did.

“You are,” she said, “you are,” and Jon looked back at her, “but—”

And that made him smile. So she had faith in him, but less in his abilities. He chuckled.

“What?”

“What did Father used to say?,” he asked her “anything before the word ‘but’ is horseshit”

“He never said that, to me”

And how should I be smarter?, by listening to you?

Would it be so terrible?

Didn't she know he did nothing but listen to her?, could she really not see it?

——————————————————————————————————

Soon comes the pale mare, and after her the others. Kraken and dark flame, lion and griffin, the sun's son and the mummer's dragon. Trust none of them. Remember the Undying. Beware the perfumed seneschal.

“You're abandoning your people!,” Sansa accused “you're abandoning your home!”

— you're abandoning me. She didn't say it and yet his treacherous heart skipped a beat as if she had.

And why, why did she have to look that beautiful?, he was sure it was some cruel joke of the Gods. The way for them to remind him he is nothing but a bastard, and bastards are born of lust and betrayal.

I am not a Targaryen, he chanted in his head, I am not a Targaryen. No matter the stirring deep in his soul for Sansa. The truth plain to see and yet hidden in the darkest of his mind and heart.

He was hers.

The North is a part of me, and I will never stop fighting for it. No matter the odds.

“I'm leaving both in good hands,” he assured her, watching as her beautiful eyes sparkled with barely concealed fear for him.

“Whose?!”

“Yours,” he was merely a murmur, but it echoed as if the hall had suddenly grown silent over the relentless chaos it had been before, and Jon wondered if the lords knew. They must've, because he could not tear his eyes off hers, “you are the only Stark in Winterfell,” he told her “until I return, the North is yours”

I am yours.

He nodded to her, and she gave him a so ever minute nod back.

———————————————————————————————————

It had been the hardest thing he had ever done. Falling in the dragon queen' bed. She was beautiful, if with a beauty so raw and dangerous that Jon felt suffocated.

You won't have to worry about the King in the North anymore, he had meant in jest, to cover how uncomfortable her purple gaze was making him feel, I've grown used to him.

She couldn't be as different from Sansa if she tried, and therein lied the crux of it all. Jon could never escape the truth about his unholy love for his sister, but he would never taint her soul with the stain of his sin.

The dragon queen could prove a distraction for however small, and she clearly was taken with him. He hated manipulating her that way, but he had felt like he had no choice.

When he had roused from his dreamless sleep, on her ship, Jon had not been alone. She had been there, perched onto the mattress and looking over him, as a dragon would lay over a hoard in the songs.

Am I your prisoner?, he had asked her, not yet. Her reply still echoed on his mind — she had taken his ships and had stripped him of his weapons, virtually he might have been a guest but he knew he was nothing short than an hostage — he had never been an hostage gambling with his life, the life of the woman he loved — for however unholy that was — and the life of his siblings.

But someone else had, and she had survived all of her abusers and found her way back home. To him.

The dragons had proved less mighty than Jon had hoped, but still they would've been useful. Daenerys had lost one — which meant that if they survived all of this, she had one less weapon to turn against the North — but she still had two, two who could be valuable assets if nothing, at the very least, to keep under control the numbers of weights that would fight against them.

It was a hard gamble, but one he had to make. No matter the odds.

I'm loyal to my beloved Joffrey, my one, true love.

“What about my queen?” he had seen how elated Daenerys had looked at that, and he had felt sorry for her, for the way he was using her, but he had soldiered on “I would— I would bend the knee, but—”

Everything before the word ‘but’ is horseshit. If he never publicly bent the knee, but showed his loyalty in other ways, Daenerys would never demand the proper rites were observed and Sansa could use it, once this war was over, to free the North of her.

Her hand was too little in his, and its hold was almost suffocating in his lungs. It did not surprise him when, later that week, after they had departed by ship for the North, she summoned him to her cabin.

He had known what she wanted from him, and he had given it to her.

There was no one single thing he would not do, to keep the North and Sansa safe.

——————————————————————————————————

It was good to be back home.

You're a man now, he had told Bran feeling his heart burst at the sight for his little brother. Almost, Jon had looked at Sansa, he had done nothing but look at her since breaking through the gates of Winterfell, and her aloof demeanor had softened as a genuine smile had graced her pink lips.

Gods, had he missed her.

It was the most natural, easiest thing he ever do, fall back into her open arms, feeling her curl around him and his whole being unfolding and collapsing into her.

Gods he loved her.

“Trust me,” he wanted to tell her, he hoped she would hear it anyway in her bones, as his blood sang for her.

“— I made sure we survived winter,” Sansa stated “but I did not account to feed two armies and two dragons,” she pointed out and Jon almost flinched.

Daenerys had indeed reached Winterfell without provisions and even her men had been clothed rightly for the cold only once they had reached White Harbor.

She had taken the gold from the Battle of the Golden Road, but she had burned the grain, instead of taking a whole year of harvest to feed her people come winter.

Leave it to Sansa to point that out. His clever girl.

“— what do dragons eat, anyway?”

Gods, had he missed her snarky comments. Though they could without her antagonizing the dragon queen with an ill temper and two dragons to her disposal.

Daenerys' reply had been as cold and chilling as when she had told him he was not yet her prisoner “Whatever they want,” she said, her cold, purple eyes fixing dangerously on his sister.

Sansa didn't give a single inch, facing her rival head-on, her Tully blue eyes shining with defiance.

Jon needed to put a stop to it. To diverge Daenerys' attention from Sansa, he knew his sister could wear down what little control Daenerys had on her own temper just by pointing out the clear mistakes in her policy and making of her the laughing stock of the lords of the Realm.

“I don't need her to be my friend,” Daenerys stated coldly, her eyes never wavering. She was giving him a warning. Jon had no doubt she felt as she was showing him consideration by issuing such a warning before acting whereas elsewise Sansa would've already been dealt with “but if she can't respect me—”

He did his best to school his expression and keep a close reign to his fury. He had beaten to a pulp the last person who had dared threaten Sansa, and had almost strangled the last man who had showed his misplaced lust for his sister.

Thankfully he was saved when her attention was caught by the news her dothraki guard reported about the dragons.

He hadn't known. Had he known he could ride one, he would've done with all of this farse, taken the dragon and left Daenerys to her miserable war for the Iron throne.

But he hadn't known.

Still, this meant that, if Daenerys ever asked more than the North could concede, and she turned her fury North, Jon could defend the North.

“He said he would stand behind Jon Snow,” she pointed out at his fury against lord Glover “the King in the North”

Didn't she understand he was doing all of this for them?, for her?

“I told you we needed allies!” he beseeched her, watching her dance like a dark flame and enticing him with her dance.

“I wasn't aware you were abandoning your crown!” she accused, because therein lay the problem.

“— I brought two armies home, two dragons!”

“and a Targaryen queen!” she accused turning around to face him again, and all of her beauty hit him again, like a wave against his lungs.

I will drown in those eyes, Jon sighed “She'll be a good queen,” he needed her to believe it “she's not her father,”

“No,” Sansa agreed, her voice lower than a whisper, a breath against his lips, making him almost lean in “she's much prettier,”

Jon smiled up at her and wondered if she could see his smile was poorly-manufactured. If she could see how hard this was for him.

“Did you bend the knee because she'll be a good queen, or because you love her?”

Apparently no. He felt himself flinch “Don't you have any faith in me at all?,” he asked, and Sansa deflated at that, the scale-looking fabric of her dress shining in the candle-lit chamber.

“You know I do,” no buts, this time. It was an absolute statement. She trusted him.

———————————————————————————————————

He leaned to the side and felt his stomach churn, as his lungs burned.

I'm talking about the Seven bloody Kingdoms!

He looked to the statue of Lyanna Stark, his mother, and suddenly another wave of nausea hit him.

He had slept with his aunt, he had slept with his aunt and he didn't eve love her.

He loved his— apparently he was a Targaryen, after all, because the love he bore Sansa whilst believing her his sister came back to haunt him tenfold — she's not his sister.

Not his sister.

She's his.

———————————————————————————————————

“Tell them—” he asked of Bran. His cousin looked taken aback for a moment in that distant, aloof way of his.

The battle had been terrible, the war council even worse.

You are the queen, what you command we will obey. He hated how smugly Daenerys had looked at Sansa.

The Seven Kingdoms will know peace, under their rightful queen.

Then, he told them. He half expected Arya to throw a fit, but her schooled expression betrayed nothing. Sansa, instead, was more of an open book.

I am not a Stark.

“Jon,” she was the first to speak, Jon looked at her, halfway hoping she would point out he was not her brother and look relieved by it, and halfway hoping she'd not press the issue “I am so sorry,”

He had not expected that.

And suddenly she was in his arms, and Jon felt her warmth engulfing him and filling him.

“I am so sorry,” she chanted into his ear “you're still a Stark, you're still ours,”

Jon hid his face against her red hair and the fur of her cloak — his cloak, he realized, the one he had given her at Castle Black — “and I stil love you,”

His heart skipped a beat at that. It had sounded so unnecessary and yet it had filled Jon with acceptance.

———————————————————————————————————

“Don't go there,” Sansa whispered, in the darkness of the hour of the wolf, “I don’t want you to go there,” she added.

Jon smiled softly at her, “Sansa,” he murmured “You know I must go,”

“Men in our family don’t do well in the South,” she protested and Jon pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“I am not a Stark,” he reminded her gently. Sansa huffed out.

“You are to me,” she proclaimed “Jon, she won’t stand for it,” she told him “you’re the strongest threat to her rule,” she pointed out “just like Ramsay would have never risked Rickon living, I beg of you, see reason”

“She loves me,” he said, that Sansa didn’t appreciate.

“Well then,” she stated coldly, disentangling from his hold, “I suppose you want to go with her South,” she said briskly.

It made Jon chuckle “Don’t be jealous, now,” he teased her, because now his whole heart rejoiced at her blatant jealousy.

“You really think that low of me?,” Sansa protested “that I mean to keep you caged here because I am jealous?” she demanded “by all means, go with her,” she said “I am only concerned for your welfare”

“I know, sweet one,” he murmured softly “but I will not have her stay in Winterfell any longer,”

The glass gardens looked beautiful and Jon was sure there was supposed to be a batch of winter roses somewhere, but he also knew that Sansa had devoted all land she could to parley and potatoes and rice.

She huffed “I still don’t like you going South, they will fight over your every limb until they rip you apart, and I will be forced to avenge you,” she said.

Jon chuckled, their shoulders brushing as both sat on the stony bench “My avenging wolf,” he teased her, “I promised you I would protect you, let me”

Sansa had stayed silent at that “You’ll return,” she stated with a surety that had him almost smile. Almost.

“I will,”

They both knew only his bones would return North if he set foot beyond the Neck. But it was a sacrifice Jon was willing to make, if it meant Sansa got to live safe and protected. Yet Sansa let him embrace and Jon fell into her.

__________________________________________________________________________

“— they don’t get to choose” Daenerys stated, with a coldness that was eery. A beautiful, dark conqueror, clad in her victory and without mercy.

She’s everyone’s queen now.

Try telling Sansa.

Why do you think Sansa told me the truth about you?, she doesn’t want Dany to be queen.

She doesn’t get to choose.

No, but you do!

“—be with me,” and he had done it. After all what was a curse more upon his name, but that of kinslayer?

“You are my queen,” he stated as he leaned close, his free hand curling around the hilt of his dagger.

I am loyal to my beloved Joffrey, my one, true love.

“Now,” he promised as their lips touched “and always” and then, he plunged his knife in her heart.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

“I wish there had been another way,” the tears in her eyes almost broke his heart, i the same way knowing she had done what she believed right to defend him, even if it had broken him instead.

“The North is free thanks to you,” he said knowing it true, but not less tragic because of it.

“But they lost their king,” she said and he could see she was indeed heartbroken over it.

I was lost within the darkness until I found her,

I found you

“Ned Stark’s daughter will speak for them,” he stated, knowing it deep in the marrow of his bones. All this time, he had been waiting for her.

Even after Ygritte, when he had thought duty had won over any kind of love. He had known.

Sometimes duty must be the death of love.

He had known he had loved again, perhaps, down in the darkest pit of his heart he had always known he had loved her. He hadn’t realized it but it had not been Lyanna Stark’s voice to bring him back.

It had been the memory of Sansa singing to herself as she brushed Lady’s coat.

“She’s the best they could ask for,”

She embraced him then, and Jon would’ve rather died than let her go, and almost didn’t let go of her.

But the Gods were just and no kinslayer could’ve hold something so good in his arms.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Tormund watched him, side-eyeing him for all his worth.

So who it is that you have to convince?, this dragon queen or the one who fucks her brother?

“What?” he demanded.

“You love her,” it was not a question, it was a statement. Jon’ eyes fell naturally on Sansa. She had come to Castle Black when her summon had been ignored.

He had needed time.

“Aye,” he didn’t hide it, not from Tormund, not from anyone else. He had told himself, he would never fall in love after Ygritte, but it had been a lie.

The dead need no lovers, Lord Snow.

No, Jon had thought and even though he had not known it consciously yet, he had not been waiting for Ygritte to raise again and haunt him if he ever betrayed her.

No. He had known he could never give himself to anyone but her. He would never fall in love again, unless it was her, until he could’ve had her.

The lady in the silk dress, to whom he could bring flowers. The lady he had wanted Ygritte to try and be. She had always been Sansa. And he always been waiting for her.

He had always known he would only fall into her, and he had not yet stopped falling. He doubted he ever would.

Suddenly Sansa was before him, her cheeks were flushed and her lips parted, her hand proffered toward him “Would you not dance with me?”

She had, had some to drink, but Jon had never seen her so giddy before.

He had accepted her hand before he could think better of it and had let her guide him —who was he joking to say he was the one guiding her?, she had always taken the lead in their relationship — and he had twirled her around as the wildling raised songs of the First Men around them, drumming their fingers on their instruments or clapping their hands.

He had been lost all his life, stumbling in the darkness. And then she had come like a dark flame, pulling him in and loving him, letting him love.

HOLD YA — I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO AGAIN,

She looked ever so beautiful and lovely and Jon really wanted to kiss her, steal her breath away and never let go.

He looked at her softly “What are you doing here?” he asked, as he spun her around and twirled her, her beautiful gown dancing like rays of liquid silver and snow around her.

“Don’t you know?” she asked, and in her eyes Jon could see her true question. Do you really not know?

“The Lords will never accept it,” Jon told her softly “I am a kinslayer”

“You are a hero,” she countered, “besides, the lords would simply be grateful I have stopped ditching their efforts to have me married and give them an heir,” she teased him.

The mead she had drunk though, must’ve caught up with her because she stumbled her next step, falling into his chest — or perhaps, by the mirth in her eyes — she had done it on purpose.

“I’ve caught you,” he said stupidly.

Sansa smiled “So you did,” she smiled “I want it to be you,” she told him boldly “I do not want to force you”

Jon almost swore. She was born to make his will crumble, but really, hadn’t Jon always known?

How could he ever deny her anything?

“I know you loved Ygritte,” she said “and the dragon queen… but I thought—”

Jon silenced her by pressing a kiss against her lips, chasing the beautiful flames dancing on her skin and painting her face in a golden halo, her hair brimming like liquid copper

“Everything before the word ‘but’ is horseshit,” he reminded her, “I found you,” he said “I’ve loved you,” he added “if you’ll want me,” he told her “If you’ll let me, I’ll love you more still, I’ll hold you more—” his voice broke off “why do you think I killed her?, she would’ve turned against you. And I could not let her” he told her “It had always been you, if you’ll want me”

This time she was the one pressing the kiss atop his lips “I want you”

Jon nodded “Then I’ll be yours,” he said “and you’ll be mine”

Sansa’ beam was something to be seen “Until the end of our days?”

heaven when i held you again,

how could we ever be friends?

i would rather die than let you go.

“Until the end of our days” he said.

#jonsa #Jonsa story #ask the hag #anon asks #jonxsansa #Jonsa fan #the hag’s prompts #Jonsa prompts #sansaxjon #Jonsa fam

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ariesbilly · 5 months

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Tag Game Friday

I was tagged by @svetlanayevgenivna

1. If you could switch bodies with anybody for only one hour who would it be and what would you do? liv pollock so i can peg dacre montgomery for an hour straight

2. What's your most trivial/dumbest hot take? i have so many i dont even know where to begin. oh i got one. taylor swifts popularity is directly related to the mass stupidity of humanity going on right now lmfao

3. If you had to teach a college course what would it be? lady gagas influence on pop culture in the late 00s/2010s

4. Season 12 of shameless is suddenly happening and you’ve been put in charge! What plot points are you going to make happen? gallavich main storyline with mickey becoming accustomed to living outside of the south side, bring fiona back with jimmysteve, bring sandy back and give her a proper lesbian relationship cuz it was wasted on debbie i'll tell you that. debbie can stay gone idk where she is and i dont care. also MUCH mickey and sandy shenanigans.

5. Who would be your godly parent? (Can be any mythology) AMPHITRITE was the goddess-queen of the sea, wife of Poseidon, and eldest of the fifty Nereides. She was the female personification of the sea--the loud-moaning mother of fish, seals and dolphins.

6. What’s something you love about yourself? I don’t care what other people think about me and I can formulate my own opinions. <- stealing that from alexa

7. Describe your day in 5 emojis: 🎄🐶📱🍝😂

8. What Shameless character do you think you could beat in a fight? liam easily lmfao probably jimmysteve as well

9. Tell us 2 truths and a lie, we’ll try to guess the lie! i climbed the tallest lighthouse in florida, in high school i had my english teacher pick me up for lunch on the weekend and she was later fired for what the rumor mill was saying was for having sexual relations with a student, and ive swam with sharks

10. Do you have a pet(s), if so, how did they get their names? my puppy! bela <3 she is named after bela lugosi :')

11. Show us a meme (or picture) that captures your essence.

12. What’s your typical coffee/tea/beverage order? i do not drink coffee or tea. when i eat out i generally just drink water, if i get alcohol i like anything fruity and sweet. typical starbucks order is a non coffee frappe. from dunkin i like their coolatas. fast food could be literally anything depends on my mood

13. Use a song to describe the last 5 years of your life? girl i dont fucking know. theres gotta be more to life by stacie orrico lmao

Tagging: anyone who watches shameless idk

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staydandy · 1 year

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The Devil Judge (2021) - 악마판사 - Whump List

List by StayDandy Synopsis : In this world bereft of law and order, Head Trial Judge Kang Yo Han signals the need for change. His courtroom is the subject of a reality show where he mercilessly punishes the guilty, earning him the “Devil Judge” nickname, a divisive figure with an aura of mystery that belies his true identity and ambitions. On a quest for true justice, does rookie Judge Kim Ga On have what it takes to challenge the notorious “Devil Judge”? (MDL) AKA : The Demon Judge | Devilish Judge | The Devil Judgement | The Devil's Justice | The Merciless Judge

Whumpee : Kang Yo Han played by Ji Sung (right) • Kim Ga On played by Park Jin Young (left)

Country : 🇰🇷 South Korea Genres : Mystery, Law, Political, Crime, Friendship, Bromance

Notes : This is a Full Whump List • This is the a revision of my Partial List, which only had 2 episodes on it! Honestly I've rewatched this show half a dozen times or more, and on the recent rewatch I decided to expand on my original whump list. I can hardly believe I left so much out of the first list, but that just goes to show how much my list-making has changed. • My favorite episodes are pink : 00 • Even though I'd love another season, they did wrap it up well. So the most I can hope for is these 2 acting together again in another show! Their chemistry is amazing!

Related List : Devil Judge (2021) - partial list

Episodes on List : 14 Total Episodes : 16

*Spoilers below*

01 : Kim Ga On is knocked to the ground by an explosion … #plantdaddy 😆

02 : (at end) Kang Yo Han & Ga On are caught up and blown to ground by an explosion … Yo Han carries/drags a mostly unconscious Ga On away

03 : … continued from previous ep. ... (replay) Yo Han & Ga On are caught up and blown to ground by an explosion … Yo Han has a cut on his forehead, Ga On is sleeping, bandaged.. wakes in pain (in Yo Han's house) … startled awake, still sore, holding his side … moves too suddenly, pain … startled awake (again), pain, Yo Han changes Ga On's bandages 😊 .. slapped on the back on his wound … Yo Han is in a fight … Yo Han bumps Ga On in his sore ribs (Yo Han just loves torturing him)

04 : *ah this is such a cute moment, Yo Han picking out Ga On's clothes for their date 😁 … the hand on his back leading him in 😆 … Ga On is pinned to a wall & choked … [flashback] Yo Han is inside a burning building, which collapses on top of him while he's trying to protect someone

05 : [present] Nightmare … [flashback] Ga On's face is bruised up from a [not shown] fight … [present] Yo Han is hit over the head & knocked out, kidnapped & tied up

06 : … continued from previous ep. ... Kidnapped & tied up … knocked out with a drug.. wakes in his car, unsteady … Ga On is pushed into a pillar … in a fight … Yo Han & Ga On fight

07 : *Yo Han reads 1 line in a self-help book & thinks he's now an expert in talking to teenage girls 😂 … Ga On has a nightmare … falls to his knees in grief

08 : (replay) Falls to his knees in grief … [flashback] Yo Han hospitalized … [present] discreetly stabbed with a hair pin

10 : Yo Han & Ga On fight against a gang *I love when they overlay a fight with a good song. In this case the song is: What You Gonna Do, by Zeenan

12 : Ga On is slapped … Yo Han has a nightmare … shot … Ga On in a fight … Yo Han is forced to watch a friend's murder (not Ga On)

13 : … continued from previous ep. ... Bleeding heavily, collapses … gasps awake, been given first aid to stop the bleeding for a bit … Ga On getting his ribs bandaged … Yo Han given further medical attention at home.. rips out his IV.. anxiety attack … Ga On is hit in the head with a rock, bleeding.. Yo Han is hit with a rock … Ga On watches his best friend die (not Yo Han)

14 : … continued from previous ep. ... Watches his best friend die … unsteady, falls to his knees in grief

15 : Ga On is choked by Yo Han … Ga On tries to stab Yo Han, who stops the blade with his hand … has phantom pain in his back … arrested, handcuffed … panicking … Ga On holds his head in pain/disbelief/grief (? not sure which), falls to his knees … Yo Han dragged away

16 : Imprisoned … in a fight, a chair broken over his back … attacked ... Ga On is knocked to the ground by an explosion that Yo Han sets off

More Whump Lists for this show: WhumpsList

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oh-cawsh · 5 months

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9 people to get to know better

thanks for tagging me @ghostradiodylan !!

1. Three ships: Rylan my beloved they do no wrong. theyre the epitome of awkward bashful and honest gay summer teen romance with the perfect contrasting note of horrific life threatening monsters which is unsurpassable genre peak. and yeah ngl its pretty rare that i get behind a ship but two others i can think of are amity/luz from the owl house (but mostly in season 1 because they do cute anxious crushing stuff and after that they just kind of turn into supportive gf A and supportive gf B), and legosi/louis from beastars because how do you just gloss over neurotic homophobe slut ptsd theatre twink x weird brooding puritan loser freudian pervert and the fact that it does WORK too like hello

2. First ever ship: i wanna say gregg and angus from night in the woods?? i remember i was in that weird sexual orientation puberty where you literally know you're gay but it's not like a consciously meaningful part of your identity so i remember seeing them and thinking wow that's cool that they're boyfriends i guess idk. also i'm inexorably drawn to their existence for some reason and my lockscreen is them cuddling with the lazy morning light peeking through the curtains

3. Last song: My Kink is Karma - Chappell Roan, im a sucker for moody electronic pop and that album DELIVERS

4. Last film: i watched the first three movies in a pirates of the caribbean marathon with some friends which ngl after the first one feels like trying to suck sugar water out of a sock 😶 the last film i personally chose to watch was the 1976 Carrie! it was nice being able to watch it and appreciate it as an adult with an education and not a teen recluse going "yeah carrie you show those villain highschoolers what's what"

5. Currently (re)reading: Shakespeare's Twelfth Night! i have my old copy from highschool open next to me and the 2012 shakespeare's globe production up and i just sit and sift between watching and reading and analysing it, just like when i first learned it in class. i'm not really sure why i wanted to reread it again in the first place, but i find it kind of soothing to read older texts where the language and culture's a little ways off from its modern successors. i find it calming to kind of pull those stories back in a way we can understand with its old contexts and writing, and see more and more of that timeless human experience shine through. sudoku for english nerds i guess LOL

6. Currently watching: my watcher's stamina has actually gotten so shit im ngl like i actually haven't watched a show in months 😭😭😭 the last show i watched was bluey (which was pretty good! (and pretty indicative of the kind of attention span ive got these days 😂👌))

7. Currently consuming: this horrible like nutraloaf nightmare bowl i made because my appetite was really poor today and at 5 pm or so i was like ugh well id better eat something quick and dense if im not gonna have a proper meal so i insulted God and put together reheated smashed potato (in the microwave so they lost all their crunch and flavour) + dried roasted edamame beans + peanut butter + regular butter + cheddar + yoghurt + whole salted almonds in a bowl and had a slice of walnut fig cake as a side. that thing needed a censor bar like i was in the trenches trying to get that down im ngl. eating that meal took more energy out of me than what it gave back like i knew i made something unholy and then immediately paid for it like it was so frankenstein and his monster right there on that kitchen counter

8. Currently craving: literally anything after that like god damn 😭😭😭😭😭 otherwise ive been hankering for a good chana masala and naan combo cus there's literally never a day where i'll turn south asian cuisine down like aw man i shouldve just gone out and got some of that to eat today ugh god damn it

also im ngl i don't really know who to tag cus i only started having a presence on tumblr like barely a month ago and ive only meaningfully interacted with like 3 people since then so um!! whoever's out there lurking around on my blog if ya wanna participate feel free! and either way, thanks for readin my ramblings regardless :)

#personal #wow this came out like really long i hope thats ok :x #id been meaning to watch ghosts!!! i saw like two loose clips n the first was funny and the second made me tear up #i was like sigh let me add this to the list....#ive been meaning to be more active on here but im gettin caught up in irl business forgive me yall

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calciumcryptid · 6 months

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Calcium List of K-Pop Worth a Damn Pt.1

Hello, my beloved mutuals.

It is I, Calcium, who has consumed way too much K-Pop and has opinions on which songs (and by extension artists) are actually worth a damn.

This is part one because there is so much K-Pop to sort through, so this is going to cover female artists whether groups or soloists. These songs range from bubblegum pop to rock, so I do not expect you to enjoy every single one on this list.

In case this breaks containment: Just because a song or artist is not on this list does not mean I think the song or artist is bad. Also, understand this was made specifically for my mutuals and mutuals only.

Important Language Note: When Romanized, the word 'you' in Korean translates to 'nega' and the word 'I' in Korean translates to 'naega'. When said very fast it sounds like the n-word. I promise it is not the n-word, they are saying 'you' or 'I'.

Now, without further ado, my recommendations!

Girl Groups

Come Back Home by 2NE1

Fire by 2NE1

I Am the Best by 2NE1

OOMM (Out of My Mind) by 3YE

Crazy by 4Minute

Hate by 4Minute

Volume Up by 4Minute

Next Level by Aespa

Say My Name by ANS

Come See Me by AOA

%%(Eung Eung) by Apink

Dilemma by Apink

I'm So Sick by Apink

Lalalilala by April

Oh! My Mistake by April

GingaMingaYo by Billie

Ring x Ring by Billie

Crazy Over You by BlackPink

Lovesick Girls by BlackPink

Playing with Fire by BlackPink

Abracadabra by Brown Eyed Girls

Kill Bill by Brown Eyed Girls

Dramatic by Bvndit

Dumb by Bvndit

Devil by CLC

Me by CLC

Love so Sweet by Cherry Bullet

Fri. Sat. Sun. by Dalshabet

Jazz Bar by Dreamcatcher

Scream by Dreamcatcher

La Di Da by Everglow

L.I.E by Exid

Cupid by Fifty Fifty

Lovin' Me by Fifty Fifty

Uh-Oh by (G)I-dle

Nxde by (G)I-dle (Watch the MV, trust me)

Lil' Touch by Girls Generation

The Boys by Girls Generation

Not That Type by Gugudan

Drip by Hinapia

Whatta Man (Good Man) by I.O.I

Wannabe by Itzy

I Am by IVE

Love Dive by IVE

Antifragile by Le Sserafim

Eve, Psyche, and the Bluebeard's Wife by Le Sserafim

The Great Mermaid by Le Sserafim

Eye to Eye by Limelight

Wave by Limesoda

Butterfly by LOONA

So What by LOONA

Hip by Mamamoo

Décalcomaine by Mamamoo

Gogebebe by Mamamoo

Bad Girl Good Girl by Miss A

Hush by Miss A

Bboom Bboom by Momoland

Girls by Nature

Ditto by NewJeans

Hype Boy by NewJeans

Catallena by Orange Caramel

Poison by PinkFantasy

Get It by Pristin V

Nerdy by Purple Kiss

Zombie by Purple Kiss

Dr. Feel Good by Raina

Automatic by Red Velvet

Feel My Rhythm by Red Velvet

Psycho by Red Velvet

Bouncy by Rocket Punch

Touch My Body by Sistar

After School by Weekly

Picky Picky by Weki Meki

Female Soloists

Make Up Your Mind by Ailee

Kazino by BIBI (Watch the MV, trust me)

Vengeance by BIBI

Gotta Go by Chung Ha

Killing Me by Chung Ha

Rollercoaster by Chung Ha

Hello Bitches by CL

Twit by Hwasa

Maria by Hwasa

Picture by Hyo

Dally by Hyolyn

Lilac by IU

What Type of X by Jessi

Plant by KimSejeong

Glitch by Kwon Eunbi

Knock by Lee Chae Yeon

Alien by Lee Suhyun

Eclipse by Moon Byul

On the Ground by Rosé

Spit It Out by Solar

Villain by Stella Jang

Heroine by Sumni

Mr. Stranger by Sumni

Tail by Sumni (Watch the MV, especially my DC mutuals. Trust me, you are going to want to watch the MV.)

INVU by Taeyeon

Spark by Taeyeon

Perfume by Yubin

Overall Artist Recommendations + Explanations

Apink: South Korea's music industry has a problem allowing their female artists to mature over time, but APink has a good blend between the bubblegum pop sound and some of the most beautiful vocals you'll ever hear.

BlackPink: This is going to be controversial, but I found them to be a good (metaphorical) gateway drug. I recommend listening to their first album The Album, but whatever you do skip Ice Cream.

Chung Ha: I cannot emphasize how much I love her entire discography. Most of the soloist listings would have just been her and Sumni if I wasn't self-regulating myself.

Dreamcatcher: Dreamcatcher has come to be known as "The Face of Rock in K-pop", and they deserve the title with the bangers they put out. Not to flex, but I've been a fan since their debut in 2017 and I'm not letting go anytime soon.

NewJeans: This girl group is inspired by 1990s-2000s pop, and it shows in the way everything they make is criminally catchy. If you want to feel like the beginning of a teen movie, they are the go to group to go to.

Sumni: She is my favorite soloist, and most of the soloist listings would have just been her and Chungha if I wasn't self-regulating myself.

That is it for part one, even though I know I am going to be kicking myself later for leaving out some songs but I hope my mutuals appreciate my list.

The next part will be boy groups and soloists. :)

Now to figure out where to cut this.

@insomniac-jay @opalofoctober

#calciumlistens #music

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