#ive been hurt by a LOT of women in my life. i had to realize they arent the enemy. just the messenger.
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how do i support other women despise other women hurting me and each others? women hate women, my mother choose dick over her daughter, girls at school bully me and men think they better than women and women help men hurting women. i don't know how to trust other women.
I understand, anon. I've had a lot of women and girls throughout my life hurt me, too. It's especially damaging when other women hurt you on behalf of men. Peers, friends, mentors, relatives, doctors, strangers. You might think, "I thought we were on the same side?" Especially when they're ones who are supposed to protect you, like mothers or sisters or friends. And it's so hard to wrap your head around (at least in my experience)
I think that realizing that having a goal of liberation of ALL women, not just the feminist ones or the supportive ones, was very important for me. It includes women who don't like you, it includes women you might hate. A lot of women support and enforce patriarchal ideas on other women, consciously or unconsciously, both as a way to try to prop themselves up in the eyes of men, and also "keeping them in line". Whether they acknowledge it or not, many tenets of radical feminism are threatening to the status quo, and therefore the regular lives of everyday women (and of course every man and the power they hold). Think about how much they defend shaving and makeup and heels, tooth and nail. If we collectively raised consciousness of women everywhere about these patriarchal standards, what's next? Turning on her husband, her father, her boss? It crumbles the facade. And with that, the women who are surrounded by men face immense backlash because even an ounce of feminism in a woman they have wrapped around their fingers is dangerous to them. And so, often without realizing it, women will enforce the same standards they themselves are held to. They're not responsible for the standards or the main source of enforcement, men are, but they still have a hand in it.
I think when women tear each other down in relation to men, if a woman tears you down with the shadow of patriarchy puppeting her hands, she might not see it or realize the core implications of her actions. Sure, in her mind she might just be mean to some random girl. It might bring her up a rung on the ladder in the eyes of an individual man or two, but in the grand scheme she's just making less work for the men to do in their enforcement. This is the sort of patriarchy fueled hate, where men need women to turn on each other to keep them distracted from the real problem.
I know I'm speaking about this very broadly. I have a lot of jumbled thoughts on this.
I think that another thing to keep in mind is that women are individual people too. Some people just fucking suck. Some people are bullies, they're hateful, they're neglectful, they're mean, they're spiteful, they're cruel, whatever the case. This includes women. Some women are just, well, shitty. They're included in my goal of liberation from misogyny, but that doesn't mean I like them personally.
I wish I could trust every woman, I wish that we could have common goals in regards to patriarchal standards and crushing them. But unfortunately, as half of the population, there are all kinds of people from all walks of life, and some of them are shitty to you. I try to be open but not naively trusting them right off the bat. Guarded, but still trying to find common ground, and give her a chance. I extend a branch, so to speak, and have no expectations of them accepting it or not. I also try not to walk into every situation with false expectations that just because they're women, they'll have kindness and consideration for me. I meet a lot of people that are rude and immediately hostile to me because of my appearance, or my nonconformity to femininity, or my awkwardness. It fucking sucks, honestly. But there are also tons and tons of deeply kind, caring, supportive women. Tons of neutral women. Dividing them into categories isn't helping any of us. We all have common ground in being women.
I do want to argue your statement that "women hate women". I don't think that's necessarily true. I think women are socialized to be suspicious or competitive with other women, specifically to keep them in line. When large groups of women come together and find commonalities, not even getting to the next step of starting to dismantle oppression, that's dangerous to men. They talk. They realize that other women are just like them. That they have been tearing each other down for no goddamn reason. Women are turned against each other to keep them from realizing who's riling them up and setting them at other women.
Another thing to consider is patriarchal sub-structures within the larger framework of misogyny. Things like patriarchal religion. If you are raised within these structures, your entire world is built with these concepts. The women within these frameworks generally believe they're doing what's "best" for their peers or their daughters, but in reality it's hurting them even further.
With being jaded about being hurt in the past, you have to be careful not to let misogyny cloud your vision. It's been loaded and installed into all of our hard drives, even as feminists. It might be easy to say, oh, a bunch of girls from x group were horrible to me, all x girls are mean and vapid. That's where you really need to dig down. Put up the metaphorical stop sign in your brain. WAIT! Not all women in X or Y group are of a characteristic. That's the little misogyny worms in effect. They want you to hate a whole group of women, and turn against them, boiling them down to whatever negative characteristic that has been assigned to them. It doesn't benefit anyone except men to negatively stereotype these women.
I'm not quite sure what my grand point is here. This is a complex set of feelings to navigate. Unfortunately, women all over have internalized misogynistic standards and unfairly hurt other women on behalf of men. And sometimes women are just shitty in general. And so I can see how you would feel jaded about support for all women. I think you can blame those women for the hurt they've caused you, the pain and trauma of those who should be lifting you up instead of tearing you down. And I think you can also acknowledge that women's liberation includes ALL women, even ones who are shitty or have hurt you, because it ultimately benefits every women and makes the world a safer place for us. That there ARE wonderful women out there who care about you and women as a whole.
Keep your eye on the ball and never stop trying to connect to other women and build a community or support web, for your sake and others'.
This is a long post, but I'd love to hear thoughts on this from other radblr women, especially those with more experience building community with others in real life.
#anon#plaid.txt#this is not very structured. i would like to rewrite this at some point#ive been hurt by a LOT of women in my life. i had to realize they arent the enemy. just the messenger.#and that shitty individual women can exist#sorry this is long!#brevity is not my strong suit and im writing long a feminist paper rn irl#radblr#radfem#radical feminism
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ITS ME AGAINNNN I LOVE LOVEEE YOUR LAST REQUEST :C ❤️
ever since ive been reading a lot of manhwas and i got an idea form it that id love to read a fic of with neteyam xv
okay so i was thinking of a heart wrenching angst but comfort later on with an arranged engagement of reader and neteyam where neteyam starts to hate reader just because he was basically forced to be with her and reader is always patient eith him even if hes so mean to her like going with other girls or smth and one day reader snaps at his rudeness towards her and says nah lets break up. and at first neteyam is like FINE but he later starts to notice how his daily life that always had you there for him, helping him with whatever, being his maid basically sbfushd and he starts to miss you. starts to realize how much he fucked up becuz he realized how faithful you were to him and worked so so so hard for him and was always there for him :((( but hes too late now bcz he sees you finally giving other men a chance to court you since youre no longer his now ;(
Huhuhu a little request won’t hurt hm?
Warning: Hurt. No comfort yet.
From the day I was born, you and I were promised to each other without a single say in it. While you despised me for it, I felt sympathy for you and did my best to stay out of your way.
His jaw clenched as he observed your face, watching as the words left your mouth. You were both in a healing tent, where you were initially patching up the older man after he had returned with the raid party. Neteyam was being even colder than usual, asking if someone else could patch him up in your stead. That had been your last straw, after all those times, after all those years, of him either pretending like you didn’t exist or disregarding your efforts made for the sake of him.
My whole life, I have been training to become someone worthy to stand beside you, the future Olo’eyktan of our clan. Did I want to though?
You chuckled bitterly, looking down at your folded hands in your lap. You could feel his piercing gaze on your head.
What would it matter if I wanted to or not, right? Just like you had no choice but to accept me as your future mate, I had no choice but to comply to the orders given by your grandmother and my parents. I merely existed to be your Tsahìk.
Looking up from your lap, you met his hardened gaze with his ears pulled back. You felt your stomach tighten.
I did not want this, Neteyam. I did not.
What changed then? He rasped out. You think I didn’t notice all those times you looked at me as if I hung all the stars myself? Don’t think I also didn’t notice you enjoying your training with my grandmother. That says enough for me.
Silence.
You pondered over whether you should deny his claims or admit it. He looked agitated, looking down at you as he stood tall infront of you. You noticed again how much he had physically grown, over the last year. Taut muscles filling up in all the right places and facial features looking a lot sharper now. You looked down again, avoiding his accusing eyes.
You let out a small exhale.
When you spend most of your time by your teacher and have a very limited interaction with opposite genders, you tend to fall for who is most present in your daily life.
With a sad look in your eyes, you matched his gaze again.
You happened to be the only man I am freely allowed to be around, for long. I do not have the privilege of meeting up with other men like you do, with other women, Neteyam.
At that, he pursed his lips. Moving back and forth on his feet as he nodded in a mock understanding.
But you continued.
Falling for you was my biggest mistake, Neteyam. If I had known in all those times you were with other women, being hopeful for a day you would open up to me, see me for who I am and not as someone you are forced to spend the rest of your future with, against your will, that this was all nothing but a wishful thinking, I would have done everything in my will to stop these feelings from growing any further.
Cocking his head to the side, Neteyam let out a laugh, disbelief painting his face. He had stopped footing around and was now standing infront of you again. Same pursed lips as he squinted down at you in a mean look.
Save your lies for another day. I know for a fact that you are more than allowed to meet up with other men. We are NOT mated yet. Don’t act like we are. What about your lil friend that always tails you, huh? Forgot about him already?
You watched his expression grow even more sour at the last part he spat. The things he was saying confused you to no end, but hearing him deny your statement of not having the same privilege as him made anger simmer inside you.
Standing up tall in cold fury and looking dead in his eyes, you pushed your index finger at where his heart laid, hidden behind his chest.
I have never once lied in my whole life, that I assure you. But to think you are this ignorant of our betrothal really disappoints me, Neteyam. I know the sight of me upsets your mood and you wish for nothing to do with me. But I had honestly expected more from our future leader.
You paused and took in the expressions written all over his face. It going from an accusing glint in his eyes to the one of a slight shock, finally settling on an unreadable expression.
And in a low voice, he asked you.
What did you want from me.
It sounding more like a statement rather than a question, you cocked your head to the side, watching his eyes trail on the ground.
He had managed to pick up on your little movement, though.
You held me back here with this talk. I’m sure there is a point in bringing this topic up? What do you want from me with this?
A fool you were, to think he would ever be the same understanding man that he is with everyone else. You really hoped that being the one to touch on this topic and to possibly clear the air between the two of you would make some positive change in your dynamic. That you wouldn’t have to resort to your last option.
Biting your lower lips as it started to quiver while tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to pour down. You searched his eyes for any hint of guilt or regret for having been this harsh with you up until the very last moment. When you found none, the tears that were threatening to spill finally broke free. Your heart never having ached this badly before, it was almost suffocating.
I want to break this betrothal.
Tbc here
#neteyam#neteyam fic#neteyam x reader#avatar#avatar the way of water#neteyam sully#neteyam x y/n#neteyam x oc#yummys request
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Look. Just admit you're anti kink and fucking go. That's all your argument is. You're just pulling the "Oh think of the children" like conservatives do but using progressive language to hide it. You know damn well you don't actually care; you've just found an easy way to hide you being anti kink by coating it in feminist, progressive language
I helped run a monthly public kink demonstration with open play at a local bar for half a year. I am a regular member of an invite only pop up play dungeon, regularly attend the public dungeons, and have been invited into the private homes and parties of dommes who appear on the covers of magazines. I am in talks with the leader of the pop up group about using my perspective to teach classes about consent and acutally, edgeplay, the by in large topic of my post. I am not anti kink. I have a permanent mark on my ass from heavy impact play, and have been suspended. We own a strip of leather with a channel full of bird shot and Ive been wrapped by acrylic cans. I have discussed at length on this blog cnc and other forms of edgeplay and my understanding of safe kink in the past.
I was also groomed when I was 16 by adults who exploited my young interest in sadomasochism to get pictures of my pussy. Instead of excluding me from adult spaces, they encouraged me to identify with age play and pet play and use my naievitity to make a victim of me. When I was 18, I by my own will at the time considering kink to be a huge part of who I was, went to a munch. A 30 year old man propositioned me for play and sex even after I said "it's a school night". I did not realize that night why I deleted my Fetlife and felt so wrong, but it continued to haunt me for months later that Id felt so uncomfortable and the fact I was in highschool didnt perturb him. I am so greatful for my younger self, because I realized over the next few months that I couldnt jack off without tying myself off and Id never even had my first kiss. I did not return to kink for 3 years.
In that time I did exactly what I said in my post. I had shitty hook up sex with girls out of my league, gave bad blow jobs, went on cheesy dates at parks in midnight, showed off my dagger to a punk masc in the trunk of my moms tahoe 50 miles from home and went home at 7am. I had my first kiss, I realized I wanted flowers not just subjugation, and I realized when girls told me they wanted to date me for the first time ever- people loved me. I didnt jack off with rope for years. Until I was sure that I actually liked it, not just my groomers.
I realized I hate age play, its unsafe and gross. Its often used for exactly that, to groom young women, like I was. I cant get my pictures of my pussy back. I realized I love gay leather and it makes me feel masc in a way not a lot of things do. I found at the end of it all, restraint still turned me on, but this time I was gonna be safe. The first time I went back to the dungeon in 3 years was to a rope class. I wanted to learn shibari so I wouldn't hurt myself.
I dont always advertise all this, but I also have no shame admitting it, because I was the person I was referring too. I didn't take it too far, and allow my entire sexual life to be dominated by racism, rape culture, and pedophilia. I actually realized all the ways I had had my sexual freedom ripped from me. Kink is actually a massive part of my life, and I will always advocate for safe, healthy, responsible, and ethical kink. I will not be called a puritan or a reactionary for protecting what I love from a complete disregard for everything moral, and I will never EVER stop advocating for young people to come into their own not with the expectation that to be attractive is to take or to be taken from, but to give and receive equally, which youll find good kink is just this. Its not having a public ask blog at 19 asking strangers to send you death threats. Thats not kink its self harm.
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have you ever dated cis women? when did you decide to be t4t?
i have dated a couple of cis women, one for a little while and we didnt get on because she was one of those fems who doesnt want their butch/masc/transmasc partner to have feelings and needs and also didnt want me to say no to sex and we didnt last long because i was deeply unhappy with her
as for when i decided to be t4t, i guess its probably about time i open up about the specific instance(s) that lead to me deciding to be exclusively t4t, because i havent actually talked about what pushed me to make the shift into exclusively dating trans people. i was trying to run a more positive page and frankly i wasnt really ready to talk about this so publicly, especially with the terf/transphobe interaction i get almost all the time on this account, but i figure i can now and ill probably turn off replies if i can figure out how
tw for graphic description of sexual assault and transphobia under the cut
when i started medically transitioning, i decided to try dating guys again. keep in mind i had a lot of comphet before deciding i was t4t; i basically only really beat that around 2022 when i turned 20. and i matched with a cis guy on tinder, who looked like he had a lot of personality judging by his photos i was 18, almost 19 at the time
literally the first thing this man says to me, after i tell him im trans, is "oh, cool, i love femboys." red flag #1. i said, "im not a femboy, i present masculinely, dont call me that." he apologized, and we moved on
at some point, we're talking about sex. he says hes very subby and a size queen. all fine, i told him i was a stone top/dom, i didnt really like experiencing penetration and it was painful for me due to a condition i had at the time. he says thats fine, everythings good. this will be important later
later, he tells me he told his parents i was trans. i asked him why, given that he both didnt ask me first and said his parents were transphobic. he says "my mom asked, was i just supposed to lie?" i say, yes. he apologizes, i /really/ want to call the whole thing off at this point but he seemed nice enough that maybe he just didnt know trans dating as well as i did
the entire relationship, he just says transphobic shit. he told me that he "understood why people didnt want to date trans people, because its a lot of baggage." he was an active alcoholic by the way. and also dating a trans person. he would neg me for being trans and then turn around and say that i was such a hot guy. he even misgendered me one time, and got upset at me for getting pissed about it, and made me believe i was overreacting. he made me believe that he was doing me a favor by ever dating me
at some point, we're at my parents house, and he tells me he wants to fuck me with his penis. i tell him no, that i dont want to, that i dont know about it, that im scared, pretty much anything i can say to get him to reconsider, but he argued and said itd be good for me and that i can choose which hole but it became very clear to me that i had no choice. so i said he could fuck my pussy
it was excruciating. it hurt so bad, but i knew i couldnt say no. he couldnt stay hard unless he was degrading me and i didnt want him to, so he kept making me jerk him off so he could keep raping me
eventually he stopped, and i wasnt even really aware i had been raped at first. ive been sexually abused by several people in my life and generally it has taken me a while to accept when ive been sexually abused by a person. so we kept dating like normal, long distance btw, but my mental health was deteriorating. i was suicidal for the first time in a while. i was self harming again. i couldnt stop thinking about killing myself.
eventually, he breaks up with me for being suicidal. he says im guilt tripping him or something, i dont remember. and that was december of 2021
we go no contact. i still dont realize he raped me. but i knew that there was something deeply wrong in the way our relationship was
right after him, i dated a trans woman who we went to the same high school. just the difference in how i was treated by her than by him, with her she treated me like i was an actual equal in the relationship. with him, he felt he was superior to me; like he "owned" me, or something
we broke up, we werent really compatible, but when i got with her, she taught me what being t4t was, and the implicit understanding and the comfort and safety i felt. after we broke up was when i decided i didnt like men, and still remained t4t after
i realized what he did to me was rape nearly a year later. he correctively raped me for being a stone top, more specifically, and i dont think he wouldve been "empowered" to rape me if i was a cis man, or even a cis woman. i understand that the "off" feeling i felt throughout that relationship was because he, as a cis person, felt superior over me as a trans person, and felt that if he wanted to fuck me, i shouldnt get a say. he talked about doing other actions to me that i didnt want done at the time, certainly not by him, and if we werent long distance, he probably wouldve raped me several more times
being with my current girlfriend, we click in a way that i havent felt with any cis person, the women included. she definitely isnt going to rape me for being trans. ive undergone physical therapy so that if i ever got raped again, it wouldnt hurt as bad, and it worked and ive actually enjoyed bottoming (consensually) with my girlfriend. she makes me feel very safe, and we understand each other and each others needs as trans people very well, and being with her has helped me process the time i was raped, and the several other times ive been sexually abused by other people
now that ive had time to process these things, i would say that i dont feel the same way around trans people (including me) dating cis people anymore. when i first started this account, i wouldve never admitted this then btw, i fully did not think trans people should date cis people, because i had fostered such a deep distrust of cis people as a result of that whole relationship and assault. i believed cis people would always be bad partners to trans people, but i dont believe that anymore. in the very unlikely circumstance i find myself single again, i may even consider dating a cis woman again. but probably not, because ive grown to really like the implicit understanding that we as trans people get with other trans people
thats why im t4t, and when i became t4t was around the beginning of 2022
#shoutout to my girlfriend for putting up with whats left of me#even though she says its not something she 'puts up with' because she loves me#trans#t4t#transhet#transmasc#t4t mlw#st4t#trans man#transgender#also had someone who said i was 'missing the point' of being t4t one time#like earlier this year#took all i had to not be like#'nope. i got it'
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So, this is going to be long but I have a couple of questions and you are so eloquent Ive been waiting to find a radblr as level headed to come to abt this. Essentially in the more recent past I engaged with sex and sexual content for for lack of better explanation just sexual issues from childhood and whatnot and I have been trying so incredibly hard to disengage from anything like those bdsm type situations and relationships. I stopped watching porn, even softcore gif type of stuff and I completely stopped shaving a little over a year ago to distance myself entirely from the sort of young girl fetish. But, no matter what I say or how logical I phrase it (or having actually experienced this dynamic with a man) my friends seem to think things like CNC and other bdsm kinks are okay and help people cope. Which I also thought until I acted on it with men and I realized I was dealing with very sick people who got off on my fear and pain and WILL violate trust in small ways until they're too big to ignore. And what can you do but endure what you've been begging for and participating in? I try and negate the blame because I was young (and sidenote: from the age of 11 or so constantly seeing porn and anime hentai and just weird sexual things so easy to find I feel like I almost never had a chance with my predispositions, but still I chose to engage and so many positivity posts for like ddlg and shit like that were EVERYWHERE when I was a teen, most girls I knew saying they are making OFs as soon as they graduate and just no escape of sex in that way) and inexperienced and a heavy alcoholic along with experimenting with drugs for the first time in my life but I'm still sickened by myself. And the worst part was that I did chose it, and sometimes wanted to go farther than I could handle just out of my own intense self destructiveness and trying to awaken memories I had locked away as a sort of control over my mind but all I did was have new memories to lock away and three years of finding myself and fighting so hard to stop drinking about it. I just want to get through to them so they don't go through the same hurt that I did, especially because a friend I'm thinking of specifically went through much more horrific sexual traumas than I and I don't want her to be lost in it a new kind. Do you have any suggestions? Or even articles or reading that I could show her? I try to pepper in screenshots of radfem posts I see acknowledging it but she is very very Barbie movie liberal feminist. Idk. I just don't want her to go through the guilt and the shame and the horror anew after what she's been through after I did and i don't want her to think I'm attacking her because I know I sometimes come across as aggressive when I'm feeling passionate. I'm just so frustrated and I feel like when I make a very valid point trying to be as neutral emotionally as I can it always comes back to "people can cope however they want" and I know this is kinda repetitive lol but like yeah they can. But you're digging your own emotional grave and I know because I've done that already!!! I feel like a crazed hag yelling on top of a soap box on the roadside when I just want these young women to understand that you don't gain power by throwing yours in the toilet!!!
Thank u reading if u take the time I know this is kind of heavy but I would really appreciate feedback if u feel up to it 💛
hey I'm glad you reached out. everything you said sounds and is incredibly distressing. I can empathize with a lot of what you said; I think we've had similar experiences, and also have similar fears for our friends. you're a really kind person to want to look our for your friends, and I'd definitely like to be able to help you as best i can. I want to preface this though by (and I'm sure you've heard this before but I'll never stop saying it!!) you're not to blame, and you should never feel "sickened by yourself" :( these types of things are awful and complicated, but the fault here is never yours. ♡
suggestions on explaining
sometimes it's easier to instead of sending your friends all of the links, to maybe space it out a bit and (in whatever words you'd use,) be like "hey look what I've been reading" and maybe send the link, and (something I've done is) take maybe 1-2 screenshots of the most important parts of the article, and then also use a highlight tool to mark out 1-3 phrases from each screenshot. ideally, they'd just read the full article (and depending on how your friends are they might!) but at least this way you can ensure they won't zone out on really integral parts, and/or this way they can read the integral parts twice yk? this is j a suggestion on how to give the information, but you can give it however is best for your friends to get it!
i also understand that you've had these experiences, and I don't know if it was hard or easy to come to terms w the reality of bdsm/ddlg/cnc/etc, but for some people its especially difficult. i dont know if your friends have engaged in these things (or if youre aware they have), but "sex positivity" and "don't kink shame" is (as I'm sure you're well aware!) such a huge part of libfem ideology :/ it sucks because that makes it very hard to unlearn. and so, if any of these people you're talking to have had these types of experiences, that could make bdsm-related stuff even harder to unlearn only because (I'm referencing the one specific friend u were talking abt), if she's set on it being a "coping mechanism," it might be like that for her (or she's thinking/justifying trying it in the future). (if that doesn't apply to her, then anyone else you discuss this w it might apply to ! at least this is how it goes ime so it depends).
additionally, depending on how libfem they are, it honestly might serve both of yall better to refer to all of this w unisex words/pronouns, only cuz if your number one goal is their safety regarding this type of thing, i think the fact that the dominant/aggressive role or cnc perpetrator is mostly male, and that the submissive/subservient role or cnc victim is generally female, is a seperate conversation. they might be more open to it that way, but use your best judgement! (once they better understand, a follow up topic could be about why the same group of majority rapists irl (aka males) is the same group of majority cnc rapists in fantasies (aka males), but thats typically a seperate conversation)
OF/porn part
okay so first to tackle the OF part. i know it was brief, but here are j some links j incase + some bdsm stuff but specific to porn
OnlyFans Is Not a Safe Platform for ‘Sex Work.’ It’s a Pimp.
OnlyFans is an experiment in mass grooming
OnlyFans is sex work and pornography — stop calling it ‘empowering’
OnlyFans is just another pimp-led pyramid scheme
"ethical" porn / trafficking personal experience (the "Consider Before Consuming" series is very informative, but a lot is graphic so be prepared)
Ex-Porn Performer Describes What BDSM and Abuse Porn Is Really Like
How Porn Played a Role In My Childhood Sexual Abuse || Barbi’s Story
Jessica's Story: My Life As A Porn Star
What Led Me Into the Mainstream Porn Industry || Alia’s Story
bdsm - suggestions for explaining
now for the bdsm stuff. so for starters, something i hear 24/7 abt ddlg/cnc/etc related stuff is "its just a fantasy!" and i think an easy work around for that is j conceding that its a fantasy, and referring to them as "fantasies." i see a lot of feminists focus (imo) too much time trying to prove they arent just fantasies (and i get that in some scenarios which i will get to in a minute), but generally its just irrelevant. if someone was fantasizing about killing people, we would ofc be concerned. EVEN if that person never went on to kill anyone, it should STILL be of concern (including if they were getting aroused by the violence!). similarly to if someone was fantasizing about having sex w a daughter/kid figure or raping someone, we should be concerned. like if im against people pretending to rape others, and someone says "its just a fantasy," that is a worthless statement because i am literally against that too. i am anti rape fantasy too yk?
also if calling them "fantasies" doesn't feel right, you could also call them "situations they enact" or "situations they pretend to do," and you can even tag on at the end a "that they get aroused from." Depending on the context though, "fantasies" might actually do a disservice in that the term usually implies its just in the persons head, as opposed to something they are actively pretending to do to/with someone.
choking / strangulation
so for example, this work around goes out the window when the "fantasies" arent roles being played, and are instead actions like (the unfortunately common) "choking" or "breathplay" aka strangulation. it would be ridiculous to call this a fantasy or pretend when someone is legitimately blocking your airway and blood to your brain. "we cant consent to this" is a UK based group that (i believe?) started in opposition to the rough sex defense. i like this website because they have ample anecdotes (which the personal aspect can be more convincing for some), as well as actual information and statistics which shows the patterns of abuse. (theres more pages worth reading than j those 2 fyi!!)
this is actually another suggestion for explaining, but (especially for choking) its SO normalized that one of your friends might have even tried it on someone else, or (whats more likely still) one of their partners (specifcally bfs) could have done it to them. im saying this because its important that however you say it, its probably in yalls best interest to make it less of a moral judgement, and more like a "some people dont know this -- even the ones doing it -- but choking is actually dangerous!". if shes had a previous bf who she loved or even just liked, i imagine it would feel so hurtful so hear that what he's done is misogynistic or sadistic. i think something important ive had to learn and apply in my own life is gauging when to be more heavy on the feminist part, and when to be more heavy on the safety part, yk? like i remind myself when i have these conversations irl that some if not most of the time, my goal is to make sure the woman/girl understands why its unsafe and not necessarily why its sexist. (obviously use your best judgement on your friends because for some it IS best to talk abt the misogyny too! it just depends ofc)
CNC and DDLG
okay next. the way this woman explains cnc is well done. i think for cnc, ddlg, or other bdsm related stuff, it makes it easier for some to understand when they focus less on the person playing the victim or child, and shine the light instead on the person playing the rapist or pedo/adult or aggressor. its a real dillema that i think is best explained by this quote that ive been trying SO hard to find but i will paraphrase (and if anyone can lemme know if they know it that would be amazing), but its something like "What pro-BDSM activists require is the idea that there are thousands of men who care deeply about the issues of rape, sexual assault, pedophilia, and physical abuse, and also at the same time are aroused by it." Again i dont remember the quote exactly, but its that same sentiment. and its very true! it also forces you to ask, "why does my boyfriend get hard when i pretend to cry?" or "why does he get turned on when I say 'no'?" i think that even if you are pro- "people can cope how they want," you're still left with the scary realization that the life-long traumatic experiences of victims of DV/SA/CSA could just as easily be fantasies for others, and not just fantasies, but fantasies AS THE ABUSER.
things abusers say to intimidate, or things generally violent people say can and are the exact things people say in BDSM spaces. things victims say to escape (or don't say, like w kinks related to passing out or drugged women), or the actions both abusers and victims do, are also used in those BDSM spaces. its worth noting too that like, where are the these ideas coming from? where are they getting their material for fantasies? its sadly a collection of real experiences. sometimes w "twists," but rooted in real violence nonetheless. what came first, a rape kink or rape? the kink came from the arousal to rape. so what does it say about those two groups (cnc perpetrators and rapists) that they both do similar things, say similar things, and get off to similar things? it says something really scary and concerning, ill tell ya that. (plus they don't even have to say its the SAME thing, but the fact that its so similar isn't enough?)
additionally, where do DDLG ppl get the material/words/phrasing/etc for their fantasies? it comes from imitating children and parent conversation, and then pedo dynamics. they are aroused by pretending to talk to and then have sex w a child. the fantasy isnt something that could never happen; they are getting their fantasies from real people's experiences whether they realize it or not.
for example, i got this anonymous message like 2 weeks ago:
someone could have read that to me and told me it was someone into cnc and degredation or something, and how could i not believe it? if i had to determine if this was either a threat, or a line in someones "healthy" sex life, how would I know? despite the fact that one example of these exact words is used for aggression/malice, its scary that it could just as easily be used for arousal! both people are gaining something (power, control, arousal, pleasure) from the statement, so why would i not question ANYONE who is gaining something from that statement, EVEN when consensual.
i also think, kind of going back to the part about where cnc/ddlg/bdsm people's material is sourced (aka rooted in real rape fantasies, sometimes with "twists" or whatever but the root of it is arousal to rape), something really upsetting and sad is the fact that (for example) if someone is aroused by their gf pretending to cry and fight back in bed, if/when the bf is out and about, chances are at least at SOME POINT in his life, he will encounter a woman who was raped. and so this woman, vulnerable and retelling a moment of distress and trauma, describing her rape (or CSA or DV or torture or other experience) could and has described probably thousands of fantasies, some of which he could have participated in. people forget what a strong conditioning tool an orgasm is. do you think kinky sex with his gf wont even cross his mind, like it wont even occur to him that theyve played through this same event? sadly, of course it will. his brain has been conditioned to associate those descriptions/images/etc with sexual pleasure. thats another reason i can never get behind pro-bdsm stuff (like deny the facts now that im aware of them) cuz the stuff the abuser is imagining/pretending/etc has happened, is currently happening, and will continue to actually happen to hundreds of millions of people.
i also want to talk about your friend saying "people can cope how they want to." i think that response is misguided. id love to know where this originated because it seems so contradicting to the types of people who do say this (ime). cuz like ive seen a lot of libfems talk about mental health problems and addiction, and they are great at recognizing that sometimes things that make you feel good temporarily (like substance abuse, self harm, eating disorders), hurt you in the long run. and notice how the things i listed are also coping mechanisms? like yes people CAN cope how they want to, but we shouldnt encourage or even normalize self-destructive behavior (like the compromising and vulnerable and violent and painful scenes and roles in BDSM). imagine if someone was previously an alcoholic and is now sharing why that was so harmful for them. if someone replied "people can cope how they want to," yea thats a true statement, but that doesnt mean anything to what the person is expressing. they are saying they DID choose to cope how they wanted to, and now they are sharing how harmful that was in order to prevent others from making that same mistake
futhermore, my second point to that "let people cope how they want to" statement, would be the implication that statement suggests. the basis of the statement says that yes, there are people who engage in bdsm-related sex in order to cope with that trauma. but that implies there is also a group of people who take advantage of that in order to get aroused!
(this MIGHT be a time when its worth recognizing the sexist patterns. since female ppl make up the majority of victims of SA, and also the majority of submissive roles in bdsm, and additionally that males make up the majority of perpetrators of SA, and also the majority of dominant roles in bdsm, this could help solidify your case that patterns show what group is most likely to want that dominance/control, and who to get it from. although w this, im sure your friend might bring up "femdom" or dominatrix stuff, and you can look to this short post but if you want further explanation feel free to dm or send another ask, but regardless, thats the minority when it comes to d/s dynamics (hence why its specified its FEMdom, because the standard "dom" doesnt need to tell us its for males, but femdom needs to specify its a woman this time.))
lastly, the WDI is a generally great resource (videos like this one and this one) however I don't suggest at all sharing it w libfem friends cuz (like in both those videos) they include gender critical statements
anyway, hopefully this explanation is helpful, and i hope it goes well with your friend. i appreciate your patience as this took me a few days to get to and finish. i know i didnt cover every base, and theres a lot to be said about this topic, but i hope i sent you in the right direction.
i genuinly am hoping the best for you and your friends. you're a kind person, and I'm glad you were able to reach out. and I'm glad you're cultivating a porn and bdsm -free life! ♡ feel free to dm me anytime.
take sm care and be so safe
#radfem#radical feminist safe#radblr#sex based oppression#mvawg#male socialization#not j a reblog tag
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i was originally going to send a comment abt you reblogging my jerma post, but after seeing that you're only 18 i just want to say: i hope you grow out of being a "terf". this world is so wonderful and beautiful. it has so much more to offer than hating other minorities. i used to be a truscum and would also vilify other lgbtq+ ppl. and looking back? i was never more miserable. since being deradicalized (both through a combination of my friends helping + my own initiative after that), i've been able to feel so much more joy than before. i learned how to love the world through the eyes of lgbtq+ people i would've dismissed previously. i realized that inclusivity is what will lead to lgbtq+ liberation, and that exclusivity only reverses progress. i know that there is only a small chance at this point that you're still reading this, but i hope that if you are, you'll genuinely try to think about it. i had decently similar beliefs to you when i was your age, but in the years since, i've had the opportunity to see time and time again all the ways those beliefs had been hurting me and my rights as a minority. i strongly suggest you look into how terf/radfem ideology has roots in conservative politics and white supremacy. thank you if you've read this far, and have a good rest of your day/night regardless if you have.
I was never more self-hating, self-harming, depressed, unmotivated, insecure, vulnerable, and naive than when i identified as trans. im happier than ive ever been in my life. ive found community and acceptance, and ive found love for the woman ive become
a lot of yall (tras) like to think that this so called "hatred" of trans people stems from ignorance, however a large portion of radfems identified under the trans umbrella. that experience and the reactions surrounding it shaped us and directly caused us to "peak" into radical feminism
radical feminism is not about transpeople or transwomen. radical feminism is about loving and liberating women. its selfish to assume that a feminist movement from the 1960s revolves around transgender people
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Did you read or watch em all? It took forever for me to go back and read DB but in my defense, it wasn’t on Cartoon Network when I could watch it.
Or if you wanna crack open a surprisingly vitriolic topic: what is your stance on Bulma and Yamcha lmao
i watched them all!! there's a bunch of filler that i skipped like the stupid garlic jr arc and the other world tournament but ive seen a good 80% of it! at some point i'll go back and watch the rest of the dbz movies and filler cuz i wanna see goku and piccolo learn how to drive 🥴 and then the scene when goku fights caterpie and gets... well, y'know 🤫
BUT OK SO REGARDING BULMA AND YAMCHA (putting this under the cut because it turned into a doctorate essay)
aight so boom
i want people to keep in mind that these two met as teenagers. they were still basically kids, they both dreamed of having the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend, and their chance meeting seemed like fate. right? well, one hard lesson u learn when you get to be my age 👵🏽 is that people change drastically from ages 16-21. you're discovering who you are, struggling with figuring out what you want in life, struggling with growing up and suddenly being an adult and not knowing wtf you're supposed to do. what happened to bulma and yamcha is something that happens to a lot of high school sweethearts.
they grew, and they grew apart.
realistically, i think this is what happened. yamcha got over his fear of women and gained some confidence in himself once he got comfortable being around bulma. he gained some fame as a martial artist and started interacting with other girls, maybe started to get along with them better than he did bulma and started to question if the two of them were really compatible.
bulma probably learned that she shouldn't just choose a guy just cuz he's attractive and for the sake of having a boyfriend. maybe she wanted something out of the relationship he couldn't give her. or maybe she realized she didn't actually like who he was, and had been blinded by her attraction to him.
there's a million hypothetical reasons why it didn't work out, but this much is true. bulma and yamcha's relationship was always kinda rocky. even in OGDB they were constantly fighting. i don't think yamcha necessarily "cheated" on her, but i think their problems came to a head at one point and things could've been interpreted that way. unhealthy relationships can get really messy, especially when you're a young adult, and ESPECIALLY if it's your first relationship.
i know there's that controversial Future Trunks line that people say was mistranslated ("Mother said he was unfaithful.") but even toriyama himself made a comment in an interview saying yamcha was a fuckboy lol. even though that was mostly said in jest.
me personally, i don't think he outright cheated. i imagine/headcanon that he probably did something dumb as fuck, and bulma interpreted it as cheating. or maybe he just simply couldn't commit the way he wanted to and that hurt her. either way, yamcha is still a stand-up guy, and i don't think it's fair to assassinate his character just to dunk on him with VegeBul. and this is coming from a VegeBul stan!! i mean, they were on friendly terms even after she had Vegeta's baby and married him! so clearly she still valued him as a friend. i don't think she would've invited him around if he was truly this horrible cheating bastard.
#asks#im SO glad you asked#im writing a slow burn VegeBul fic right now so i've spent a lot of time doing character studies on these dumdums LOL
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nonono your answer absolutely makes sense!
for the longest time whenever i would go up to my mom with concerns about people before i meet them she'd be like "oh don't worry she's a woman she'll be okay" and in my head I'll try to make myself believe it but i never really identified with that notion that women are better with children than men?
also i was pulled out of public school in the 3rd grade and for the longest time my only interactions with people in the meatspace were when my grandma would take me to her moose lodge chapter (basically a country club for poor people tbh, though my immediate family was never working class) and i made some friends there. i only hung out with the boys and my mom flipped the hell out when she found out I'd befriended a 17 y/o boy at 13 (my grandma put a stop to this when she said the 17 y/o was also autistic and was really good with people younger than him)
- ezra
that makes a lot of sense really, i dont really know why the expectation of women being better with children is so prevalent when so many women actively voice that they just do not like children, but thats sexism to you ig!
im bisexual but like. sometimes im way more wary of women, or especially teenage girls even as an adult. i was never hurt by the boys as much as the girls- thats probably because a lot of afab people are conditioned to believe that they have to prove themselves as 'better' than the others around them in order to be respected, and its often a subconscious bias that they dont realize is happening.
ive been pretty isolated my whole life, but the few female friends i had growing up saw me as inferior to them, thus an acceptable friend to have as they could be assured i wouldnt be taking attention from them. it was never intentional i dont think, but every time i got bullied it was the girls who always just turned away, or worse, joined in. they often even looked guilty for it, so i never really blamed them for it all. if anything, it meant that i was a threat to the people who DID bully me.
i think sometimes, when girls see you as a threat, they give you MORE attention, often negative, because the goal is to be seen as The Most among their peers. giving someone like me negative attention encourages other girls to do it as it can often give them positive attention from each other. its kinda like antis but less direct targeting and more a collective social norm being perpetuated.
meanwhile, amab people and men are often conditioned to just not fucking care, in both a negative and positive way. boys will be boys, but for some of them the not caring applies to who you hang out with and just accepting certain people without really thinking about it.
you can end up with a really shitty friend group because you just think that youre all just being boys, and other times it means you make friends with the bullied kids easier because they arent focused on the same things- guys dont always care whether youre pretty, whether youre The Best in class, and they dont always care about what you can do for them.
its easier to make friends because its all typically surface level, they dont really like digging into the emotional depth and while thats also a problem, it makes it way easier for ostricized girls to make friends like with the kid you made friends with. i mean he was autistic, too, he was probably equally as ostricized.
all this is to say that you being adverse to women is understandable given both your treatment from those teachers and the idea that women are always safe with other women, when a lot of them are basically conditioned to be cruel to each other to maintain autonomy of some sort.
feel like thats why a lot of people who are ND and traumatized identify as trans, they literally do not feel like they belong with their assigned gender because of the expectations that come with it.
#🧤 through the void || ooc#i know im saying a lot but i feel a lot abt this sorta thing and why its kinda ridiculous transphobia exists#idk karen maybe i dislike women not because of your gender but because i was expected to be like you#i dont like expectations in general esp from anyone but myself
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thank you for the very sweet response, it’s definitely immeasurably worse when other dykes reflect lesbophobic shit at you or otherwise project their own insecurities regarding their lesbianism onto you. this girl had also told me she kind of felt butch/femme roles were “reductive” so i guess it figures but of course it still hurts and makes me feel stupid. i think there’s just a sect of femme dykes who haven’t properly dealt with their own internalized shit and as a result end up projecting a lot of that onto mascs/butches… so i really have to thank you too for being so candid about your desire and love for us. seriously
Really quick, my thoughts on the butch femme discourse: u can really only consider it to be “reductive” if u believe that masculine women = men. Like i know that there can be a lot of nuance to this topic when it comes down to individuals, u cant deny that hetero porn and dynamics influence us to such a pervasive degree that there must be some lesbians out there who do emulate it in their sex lives. But at the end of the day if ur gonna equate butch femme to heterosexuality then ur coming at it with the belief that butches are men, want to mimic men, and draw their character from men. Simply not true especially since butches r some of the most anti-men people u will ever meet (obvi trans men may have a different relationship with this but ultimately the trans men and transmascs i know + luv are generating their own sense of what it means to be a man, not what im talking about above). And in the same breath ur saying that femme lesbians want to be the subject of male-esque objectification and relationship dynamic.
However. Just like u said, a lot of femmes r so ensconced in patriarchal practices that they can lose their bearing on what this is all about. I personally cant stand the whole “femmes perform femininity in a lesbian way/not for men but for women/u can tell when a feminine woman is a lesbian because she does femininity ~differently~” sort of thing. Im sure uve seen this rhetoric before in some way or another. Its bullshit. Femininity is femininity, full stop. Men dont care who ur wearing ur short skirt and pink platforms and cherry earrings and waxed fckin baby legs for as long as youre obeying their rules. And you are. I mean, we r lesbians for fucks sake but ur perceived sense of beauty still rests upon the standards of men as a crutch. once u realize this its easy to see how some of them might never really get over that internalized shit … if thats whats in ur head as a femme lesbian how r u gonna be able to understand and interpret ur relationship with a true dyke? How r u gonna know what she wants from u?
Obviously i still have a lot of life experience ahead of me and a lot more understanding to do but it took me a really long time to realize who and what exactly i was put on earth to love and appreciate, and even then ive never felt desire for anything or anyone but dykes + butches. I couldnt pretend otherwise if i tried. So to me the candidness comes easily … if that makes sense. I wish i could extend the sentiment 2 u and all other masculine lesbians whove been hurt by someone elses internalized conditioning. Im glad u know my feelings r sincere
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you.
i have twenty five minutes until i have to leave for work. im not sure what I'm meant to do, or say. I'm so proud of you for everything you've done. was shooting really not that scary? you always spoke about how you were worried it would hurt your ears. i know I stopped checking in on your for a little. things have been going well. i even stopped texting your number. i thought I would call once inna while but I've not bothered. i figure at this point little updates are good enough. i do still miss you. and I look in on you a lot. but I've focused on myself a little more. i think a lot of my problems were because K didn't show me enough love. made me second guess everything anyone did. he turned me against you, by the way. i didn't want to snap back. I'm sorry ab what I did to you. my boys are still good, and I'm working on my business again! ive been clean for 58 days. shit was really bad back in august but ive only had one hiccup since then. I'm doing a craft fair saturday- I'm so nervous. its my second craft fair and my first one with my own booth. i think I wanna visit home. is wild women's still there? i know greenlaws is gone- I cried when I found out. maybe the new shop isn't as bad as it seems!! ive not been back there since I moved. ive seen k and ash. he's gonna propose soon!! we helped him look at rings over the phone last month. gram is still loud and drunk all the time. stacy isn't as bad, shes cancer free now! uh. i dont know what else I missed. all I really have to say is I'm so proud of you for being clean for so long. you're doing amazing. i hope you have fun taking T back with you guys. try and go to pumpkin fest please, I'm gonna miss it. i don think I can make it back that soon. maybe next year, who knows. sometimes I see people who look like you and it hurts a little bit. i dont think that will go away. but I dont cry when I see you've posted, I'm glad you're back to posting happy things. I'm so proud of who you've become, and I'm sorry I couldn't be there for that. I'm happy you were able to figure out why you were falling back into old patterns and fix it before it destroyed you this time. you deserve to be happy.
k is back in NH, just a warning. i don't know if youll run into him, but please be safe if you do. there's so much I wish I spoke up about when it came to him. but anyway, this is gonna end on a good note. not something ab k, fuck that dude.
i hope dad realizes why hes not in the babies life, I'm so glad you are. n I hope C liked your bub, yall have made it almost a year n a half if I'm not mistaken. i wish you nothing but healing and love, even if I cant be a part of your journey. thank you for updating me, my love. I'm so fucking proud of you. you're gonna make it to 300 days soon, Thursday. have a good day. or night. whenever you see this. enjoy spooky month, ill check back in again inna bit <3
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vent if you will
im just so frustrated at this point, i thought i just write it out to see if this makes things or me feel any better.
essentially, my boyfriend and i broke up about a month ago. nothing really happened, we were getting into a lot of arguments and i realized i was just so mad at the shit hes done in the past. and i just couldnt move past it. i had caught him talking inappropriately to other women, on dating apps, and on one occation i had found out during one of our mini break ups he slept with someone else. all that taken into consideration, i was pretty damn sad. been with him for three years on and off for the same reason. He cant keep it in his pants. and i feel like i finally got sick of it. like thinking about just his actions, i was overwhelmed. how is it that he has the audacity to give me attitude, or to tell me he’s incapable of the things i ask, but as soon as another bitch is asking, now its doable.
im not very good about flow and keeping things in order. but for the last two years (i know i said three but they were on and off and at some point i had my fun) i have only been physical with this man. and back in december (we in june) he had sex with someone else. they had been talking since april/may/june, we broke up for two weeks in november/december and bam. went thru his phone and master roshi was there. had been doing it in front of me. literally had talked to her that same day.
that shit broke me dude. for all 2021 my ass was all on him that he was doing some shit behind my back and he constantly told me he wasn’t. used to get all upset but i was right! my ass paid for us to go to his best friends wedding and still he was talking to bitches. and he never comes clean. its not till i go thru his phone. deny deny deny deny. i cant do this anymore.
like how you gone sit there and say you sorry when you only sorry you got caught. how you gone say you actually feel bad, but not want to admit to any of it. and on top of that he blames me for going outside the relationship! tell me why this boy says tat if i weren’t so mean and upset all the time he wouldn’t feel so unloved. why not voice that you feel that way instead? why not have a mature conversation on how you want to be treated and point out where i can improve to be better. but no instead he wants to go flirt with other bitches.
im with him all the damn time, he cant ever give me a fucking compliment. i whole ass call him ‘guapo’ and i cant get anthing outside literally my name!!!!! this shit is fucking wild. but he can give all the bitches on his phone compliments. ehhh i dont even want to dive too deep but just know im pissed and it aint even worth all this.
ive given him way more opportunities than id like to admit and im tired. literally have written out the plan of exactly what i need for him to do in order for us to work on our trust, but its ‘too much’ for him. and im not too much. im just too much for him. so i just need to move on with myself. cause staying aint doing me any goood and waiting fo a change is just hurting me and stumping my growth. i just need to move on and let life happen.
im obviously sad. we had really great times. i learned so much, i grew so much. i got to know myself, i got to meet someone with a unique ouotlook on life. learned so many new skillsets, he changed my mindset on life. he was incredible when it was good, and i think thats why its been so hard to let go.
yall dont get me twisted, hes a great guy. hes just a shitty boyfriend. intimiate realationhips may not be his strongsuit, and i wish i could have been there to help him out. but i gotta look out for myself. i let him know from day one how i felt about cheating and what i classified as cheating, and he ignored my warning multple times. and i let shit fly too long.
i dont know what it is that kinda set it off. could have been the tiktok fyp having all the toks about cheating boyfriends and knowing your worth. how they never change and they only get sneakier. and dont know womens intuition just kinda always made me feel like there was something he was hiding. never wanted me to touch his phone, always had it on dnd when was with him. shit was weird. id asked on several occations if hed show me his instagram dms, not even open them, just to scroll the list of messages. he always had like 4-5 dms unopened so i was curious.
yea i wasnt in the most trusting of states and he never wanted to work on it with me. only wanted to do shit his way. which at this point in life i cant do it anymore. i deserve better. i know i gotta work on mysel too, cause i was no walk in the park. my attitude and passive aggressiveness. i was rude and disrespectful, while at the same time demanding i get treated with respect. i was selfish, in the sense that i felt unloved, so i withheld affection. i didnt call him babe or baby, though i knew he liked it. i was petty or am petty since im here air shit out too.
but yea i need to work and me, he needs to work on he. we both need to grow, separately. which fucking sucks, but hey shit happens. i hope god protects him forever in all his endevors all the blessings to him. i love you and i hope you do better moving forward. im going to take the time to get my shit together, go back to loving myself (more so learning) and focusing on my future. i got school, i want to get my notary license, i wanna go back to community college.i wanna get into my fitness more. theres a lot else i can focus on and just better mself in general. just one step at a time
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The Past Can Break You - 6
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
AU: Avengers
Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for aa few years. As far as you’re concerned he is the one. But what happens when a blast from the actual past shows up?
A/N: Ive seen a lot stories of Bucky getting his first love from the 40′s back. And I’ve always wondered... what would happen if he was dating someone already? Reader is from this time. Not proofread.
Warning: Language!, angst, short chapter (sorry)
--
Bucky didn’t now how long he sat on the floor, constantly re-reading your letter. He could feel the hurt and anger in your words, and it killed him. He knew Dot did something while he was away, but what? His immediate reaction was to go to Dot and confront her, but he didn’t trust that he wouldn’t hurt her.
After what seemed like forever, there was a low knock on the door. Steve and Nat came in and saw Bucky on the floor, and quickly ran over.
“Buck? What happened man? Where’s Y/N?” Steve asked in concern.
Nat picked up the letter and read it, immediately getting angry. “What the fuck did you do now Barnes? You promised that you wouldn’t fuck up again,” Nat said.
Bucky turned to Nat with a mix of sadness and anger, “I didn’t do anything! I was on the mission with you. I came up from Medbay and found her letter. Dot must have done something while we were away. I have to find Y/N. I need to fix this,” Bucky said with tears running down his face.
Nat felt sorry for the super soldier, but her anger immediately switched to Dot. What did that bitch do to you that you upped and left with no word. Nat looked at Steve who also looked angry.
“Have you spoken to Dot yet?” Steve asked.
Bucky shook his head, “I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t hurt or kill her. I’ve been here since I saw the note. What if I never get Y/N back? She... she is the love of my life Steve. I need to find her,” Bucky begged.
“I’ll help you find her, but I think we need to find out what Dot did before we talk to Y/N. At least so you know what you are dealing with,” Nat said.
Steve shook his head, “Dot won’t tell us anything. She was a manipulative bitch back in the day. I can’t imagine how bad she is now that she wasn’t allowed to have what she wanted,” Steve said angrily.
Nat was shocked at Steve’s outburst, but thought about how they could fix this. “What if we manipulate the situation from here on out,” Nat said with a smirk.
Both men look at Nat cautiously, “What do you mean?” Bucky asked.
“I might have a plan,” Nat said.
--
You had walked around the city with your bags for hours. Part of you were shocked that Bucky didn’t come running for you immediately, but then you remembered you left everything at the compound so he would have trouble finding you. You look out over the water, thinking of where to go from here.
For the first time since the incident happened, you allowed yourself to cry. You were so sure that Bucky would never hurt you like this. You were so sure that Bucky loved you like she said. You thought you could trust him. But know you know that everything you thought you knew about the man you loved was a flat out lie.
You thought coming back to the city from the compound was good enough, but the amount of memories you have with Bucky here suffocate you. You knew that staying in the city is too close. Plus, you figured eventually Bucky would come running with some fake as apology. You wish you could smack him and his precious Dot right across the face.
How stupid you were to forgive him when you knew how important Dot was to him. I mean he never shut up about her before she miraculously found her way into this century. Why did you think he would just ignore her for you? You were nothing compared to the love of his life. The woman he compared all women to. The one who got to see the charming James Buchanan Barnes in the flesh before his life drastically changed.
You secretly hope that she doesn’t hurt him when she realizes he is not the same man. If and when she knows of the trauma he has been through, and what he did for so many years. You didn’t care about any of that, but you could see the princess having a problem.
You shook your head at yourself for caring what happens with them from here on out. “Come on, Y/N! He doesn’t matter anymore. He doesn’t love or respect you. Forget about him!,” you scold yourself.
You look out at the water and think of where to go from here. You have no family except for the Avengers, and you can’t and won’t go back to compound. You don’t want to reach out to anyone yet, so that Bucky can’t find you. You think for a few minutes before a thought hits you. You knew where to go.
You find yourself heading toward Port Authority Bus Terminal. You were getting on a bus and getting the hell out of here. Once you find yourself settled you would call Nat and Wanda and let them know you are safe. You had gotten a burner phone before leaving in case. They are the only one’s you can trust at the moment. Well maybe Tony also. But everyone else might tell Bucky where you are. And you officially am cutting him from your life for good.
You climb onto the bus and put your bags above you and sit. Once you leave the city Bucky will be nothing but a distant memory. Nothing but a mistake you will learn from. Nothing. As the bus leaves the city you feel a mix of relief and heartbreak.
Then the burner phone starts to vibrate. No one knew the number so you can’t help but be nervous. You cautiously pick it up and before you can speak you hear your best friend.
“Y/N, don’t hang up,” Nat said.
--
Chapter 5 / Chapter 7
Sorry this chapter kinda sucks and is short. It’s filler mostly, however I think you will like what’s coming. Feedback is appreciated.
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#bucky#Bucky Barnes#james bucky barnes#Bucky angst#james buchanan barnes#james barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes angst#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#bucky x dot
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peaches: iv
summary ─ “that’s my girl,” bucky whispered and smiled. tucking her hair behind her ear, he leaned in and kissed her. it was a soft, tender kiss: a kind of kiss that made her feel warm and loved.
pairing ─ dadsbestfriend!bucky barnes x reader
warnings ─ angst, conversations about exes, mentions of depression, age difference (reader is 21, bucky is 39)
a/n ─ this one is filled with angst i’m afraid. also includes a little bit of their backstory. sexy times will continue in the upcoming parts (dates: unknown). i would love some feedback. hope you like it! i don’t own the gif.
If their situation had been explained, many would think that Bucky watched her grow up, become the smart woman that she was today, but they would be wrong.
When he met her for the first time, Bucky was twenty-seven while she was nine. Their meeting was brief; Steve wanted Bucky to meet his litle daughter just before they went off to Italy for work. She was pretty; her face was already glowing with the innocence, her eyes were holding a cute mischievous look in them, her small smile was making Steve tear up every damn time while Sam was laughing at his reaction. Her hair was braided adorably, there were small flowers in them, too, and it was glowing under the sunlight. Sam would take the compliments about her hair proudly.
At the age of thirteen, Bucky was thirty-one, he saw her once more. That was their second meeting. She was more talkative and playful. She also had the best side of Steve and Sam’s sass, Bucky loved it. It was her birthday, and Steve invited him while he was staying in Brooklyn for a couple days before he went off to Russia this time, again for work. He only agreed to it because he heard her asking for him: “Is that your friend Bucky, Papa?” He was greeted with a warm welcome. It was a bit surprising that she remembered him. Steve had said that she had a strong memory and had loved the chocolates he had brought her the last time. It was the chocolates that made him remembered, but Bucky hadn’t mind. It was enough to be remembered, connected to something or not.
Ever since her thirteenth birthday they haven’t seen each other. Until Bucky sort of ‘retired’ and moved back to Brooklyn, carrying his work home.
“My litte girl started college,” Steve had once told him, with a proud look in his eyes, when he just moved back. He had also been holding his tears. “She’s a bookworm, so she carried that to the university. She’s studying literature,” Steve had joked. Bucky could remember her reading on the background while he was having conference calls with Steve. He could also remember her hushing Steve whenever his voice got a little bit loud, and Bucky had grinned at the memory, because it was such a Steve thing to do. He used to hush Bucky, too, whenever he had tried to talk while Steve was reading around him.
She was twenty when they saw each other again. It was a week after Bucky finally finished opening boxes after boxes. He got lucky and was able to buy the house across Steve and Sam’s. After that, she was always in his house, owning it like it was hers. Bucky didn’t mind, he liked company. Her company was so much better than the other women who didn’t know what shutting up was. She knew when to stay quiet, when to talk and force Bucky to do something that in a normal day he wouldn’t. She helped him to feel a little better about himself after the bad relationships he had over the years.
Bucky was devastated after he found out that his fiancée had cheated on him for years and had been using him for his money. It had hit deep and hurt so much, Bucky couldn’t shake it off for months ─ years even. He got depressed: didn’t go to work, answer his phone and his door. Natasha had to enter his house by breaking his door. After that, Steve, Sam and Natasha had ganged up on him and pulled his head out of that cloud that made him feel like he wasn’t living.
It was actually what made him to move back Brooklyn. Boy, wasn’t that the best decision he had ever made.
“You’re thinking too hard,” Sam murmured, pulling Bucky out of his head. “I can hear them gears turning, Barnes.” Bucky chuckled lightly. Sam was always this not-a-mind-reader-but-also-a-mind-reader. He knew when someone felt down, or troubled. He was always there to help. Bucky loved that about him.
“I was thinking about the thing that made me move back here,” Bucky said with a shrug. “Remembering those times… Man, I used to hurt a lot. It’s nice not feeling that hurt anymore.” Sam smiled.
“Time,” Sam easily responded. “It heals things slowly. It doesn’t erase anything, but it surely makes things easier for you.” Bucky nodded. They stayed silent after that. Both of them watching the sun slowly going down, listening to the birds chirping around. It was peaceful and relaxing. Bucky let his head fall back and closed his eyes.
Bucky didn’t realize that he fell asleep until he felt a soft kiss on his cheek: He flinched and opened his eyes, confused. “What─” He heard a quiet chuckle and when he turned his head to his left he saw her. Her hair was glowing with the setting sun’s last light. A big smile was on her face, and her eyes were fond.
“You fell asleep here,” she explained. “Papa told me not to touch you, so I let you sleep a bit. Dinner is ready, though,” she added and kissed his cheek again. Bucky surpassed a yawn, rubbing his eyes all adorably.
“Damn,” he muttered when he stood up and stretched. She nodded.
“Papa said you fell asleep fast and hard,” she shrugged. “Looked cute.” Bucky snorted, watched her get shy. “C’mon.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.
Inside of the house, there was a delicious smell of food. Bucky felt his stomach rumble. He could pick up the talking noises coming from kitchen as well as the utensil sounds. He sighed, the sleep was still fogging up his brain a little, but he was sure Steve’s cooking would wake him up.
“Ah!” With Sam’s exclamation, Bucky jumped. “Sleeping beauty is awake!” Bucky rolled his eyes, ignoring the chuckles coming from her and Steve.
“Fuck off,” Bucky grumbled. Sam laughed while Steve chuckled and she nudged Bucky softly. Bucky rolled his eyes again, but this time it was playful. He winked at her cheekily. “Need help?” He asked once he walked towards Steve. He shook his head.
“Nope, all ready. I was just putting them on the plates,” Steve gave him a small smile. Bucky patted him on the back and grabbed the full plates. Placing them on the table, he noticed her looking at him with big, wide eyes. He frowned slightly, lifting an eyebrow at her. She shrugged innocently and mouthed an ‘I love you’. Bucky blinked and blushed, ducking his head down as a desperate attempt of hiding his smile. She chuckled silently. He chuckled, too. Looking up at her, he blew a kiss to her and mouthed an ‘I love you’ of his own. She only smiled wider.
“Alright, sit,” Steve said, bringing the other plates. “Bon appetit, people,” he smiled and tucked into his own food.
──
Dinner went smoothly. The food were delicious, but Steve was always a great cook. Sam was on dessert duty, so they were served a peach pie. Bucky smirked when he saw the topping of the pie and sent a dirty look to her. She felt the heat rushing to her face, prefering to hide her face into the pie. Bucky chuckled. He grabbed a forkful of pie and tasted.
“Mmm,” Bucky hummed approvingly. “Sam, Jesus, you’re getting better at baking,” he added when the amazing taste fired his taste buds. Sam smiled.
“Thanks! I found it in my Ma’s recipe book,” his smiled turned into a shy one. Steve nudged him a little and placed soft kiss on his lips. Sam hid his face on Steve’s ridiculously broad shoulder. Bucky smiled at the scene: He was so happy for his friend having an amazing family. He had a loving husband, a beautiful house and a brilliant daughter.
Bucky might have been a little jealous.
It was always what he wanted ever since he stepped into high school: He wanted to have a good job, earn enough money to buy himself and his future family a house, a beautiful wife and couple kids. Sometimes he would think now that his current age was considered old, how was he to get a life that he dreamt of once?
“Buck?” Steve’s concerned voice pulled Bucky out of his thoughts. “We lost you there for a second, bud, you okay?” Sam placed his half-eaten pie on the coffee table.
“He’s been thoughtful today,” Sam said, recalling their conversation at the backyard. Bucky shrugged.
“I was just thinking…” He sighed. He mimicked Sam’s moves and put his own plate on the coffee table.
“What? Talk to us, Bucky. We’re your family, too, you know that,” Steve murmured, always supportive but never pushy. Bucky looked down at his hands, fingers picking up the hem of his shirt and playing with it.
“It’s─” He took a breath. “I’m jealous of you, Steve,” he murmured. Steve frowned, but before he could ask, Bucky continued. “You have this beautiful family, Sam loves you like crazy and you have an amazing, very smart daughter… You know how much I wanted what you have right now since high school. Now you have it, and I’m jealous in a good way.” He looked up at his friend and smiled.
“Bucky…” Steve started.
“You know it’s not too late, right?” Sam said, voicing Steve’s thoughts. Bucky shrugged again.
“I’m thirty-nine, Sam. It might not be late in your book, but it is in mine. I was supposed to find someone in my late-twenties and have a kid in my early-thirties. Because I’d like to have energy to run and play with my kid, you know?” Bucky sighed.
She frowned slightly. She never knew he wanted those things. He never told her about his dreams. Suddenly, she felt guilty for occupying him like this. She felt guilty for holding him back from real life. Instead of playing house with her and pretend, he could have met with someone who could be with him really and give him kids. She barely blinked away the tears that flooded her eyes instantly.
“You’re fit, man, you workout more than Steve. Trust me, you would still have some stamina to do all the things you want with your kid,” Sam said assuringly. Steve nodded.
“Sam’s right─”
“I don’t have time for a new relationship, anymore, guys. I can’t─ Most women I came across with or been set up with… They’re not there for me, they’re there for the money and the way I look. None of cares about what I want or what I like… We don’t click. Is it make sense?” Steve nodded again. He could understand Bucky’s point of view. “She was the only one I clicked for a very long time,” Bucky added silently. “But she used me, just like others wanted to do. I can’t trust anymore. I’m─ God, I’m hopeless.” Bucky huffed out a laugh.
“Pardon my French, but,” Sam started. “She was a bitch for doing that.” Steve elbowed him with a warning look in his eyes. “What? Man, it’s true. She used him for his money and looks, just like the other women who want to do the same, he said himself. She destroyed the dream he could have had by cheating on him.”
“Sam,” Bucky stopped him. “It’s in the past. Nevermind.” He looked at him with pleading eyes. Sam softened and nodded, his eyes were filled with worry for his friend. “I’m just gonna head back. Thanks for the dinner and the dessert.” Bucky stood up and left the house quietly. He didn’t even look at her.
She felt her heart tightened, tears were back but they were even stronger, now. She sniffed very quietly and stood up to collect the plates. She took them to the kitchen, barely holding the tears.
She didn’t know Bucky was hurting this much. She didn’t know that even when they were together, Bucky was lonely. His dreams were stolen, destroyed, and she wasn’t doing a good thing to him by holding him back from finding someone to make his dream live again. She bit her lip to keep the hiccup that wanted to leave her.
What they had was amazing. Bucky understood her in a way that her peers never could. He helped her become a better person, helped her educate herself. She wouldn’t be the same person as she was today if it weren’t for Bucky. She didn’t know her effect in his life, though.
“Y/N?” Steve’s voice carried through the hallway and she quickly wiped the tears that ran away. “Oh, sweetie,” he murmured empathically. He hugged her tightly.
“I didn’t know he was so lonely, Dad,” she cried into Steve’s chest while he petted her hair gently. “He doesn’t deserve to be lonely. He’s such a good person!” She sobbed.
“I know, darling, I know…” Steve rested his cheek on her head, letting her cry. She cried for a couple more minutes, murmuring about how much good Bucky deserved, how good he was. Steve knew it, he knew she was right. So he stayed silent.
“I should go to bed,” she whispered after a while. Her eyes were red, and tears were still rolling. Steve nodded. “I’ve got class tomorrow,” she added absentmindedly. She wiped her tears harshly and made a beeline towards her room. She didn’t realize the figure laying down on her bed as she walked into her room and closing her door, locking it. When she turned around, though, she barely suppressed her scream.
“Jesus Christ, Bucky,” she murmured, a hand on her heart.
“I’m sorry,” Bucky said, his voice quiet and raspy. He sounded like he cried, too. She sobbed silently, and Bucky opened his arms, inviting her in. She crawled into his arms. “I’m sorry for making you cry, honey.”
“You should have told me,” she murmured into his t-shirt.
“I know, I should have,” he agreed easily.
“You should have told me. I would have stepped out of your way! I would have stopped holding you back from having your dream come true! I would have─” Bucky put his hand over her mouth and pulled back so that he could make eye contact.
“You are not holding me back. You are not going to step out of my way. No. What I said about wanting a life like Steve’s… I was hoping you would understand without me saying it: I wanted that life with you. You are the only woman I click with after a very long time, Y/N. I want to have you as my wife, want you to have my kids and want to have a house together. I want that dream to come true with you by my side. I also meant when I said I don’t time for a new relationship, I already have you. So, please, stop thinking that way, okay, honey?” Bucky looked at her with pleading, wide eyes, tears were waiting for the right moment to fall. “Don’t ever think that you’re holding me back. You’re holding me upright.”
“Bucky─” She sobbed and hugged him tightly. Bucky wrapped his arms around her just as tight.
“I love you, peaches,” he whispered. “I love you so much. I’ll wait until the right time comes up, I promise.” He kissed her temple, hands stroking her back.
“I love you, too,” she whimpered softly. “I love you so much. I─ I don’t want to hide anymore, but…” She trailed. Bucky nodded. His hands were now in her hair, playing with them.
“Not yet,” he said. “None of us are ready for that yet: Not us, not them.”
“Just a little while longer,” she murmured. “I can wait.”
“That’s my girl,” Bucky whispered and smiled. Tucking her hair behind her ear, he leaned in and kissed her. It was a soft, tender kiss: A kind of kiss that made her feel warm and loved. She smiled into the kiss.
“Just a little while longer,” she repeated and smiled. She could do that.
──
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes imagines#bucky barnes au#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes angst#dad's best friend bucky barnes#dadsbestfriend!bucky
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Do you have any doubts that Sansa is the girl in grey? Is there strong grey imagery around Sansa?
I believe Sansa is the grey girl yes, but only GRRM has that answer.
About grey imagery around Sansa, I wrote about it here and there.
Grey is the main Stark color. Their sigil is a grey direwolf in a white field. Stark men wear grey cloaks, Winterfell is made of grey granite, Grey eyes is a Stark feature, etc.
There are some instances where Sansa actually wears or it is said that she will wear a grey cloak:
1.- Her first encounter with Dontos (false Florian) in the Red Keep's Godswood: "Sansa threw a plain grey cloak over her shoulders and picked up the knife she used to cut her meat. If it is some trap, better that I die than let them hurt me more, she told herself. She hid the blade under her cloak."
It is very curious that Dontos was also wearing grey during that first secret encounter: "He wore a dark grey robe with the cowl pulled forward, but when a thin sliver of moonlight touched his cheek, she knew him at once by the blotchy skin and web of broken veins beneath. "Ser Dontos," she breathed, heartbroken. "Was it you?"
2.- Cersei gave her a white and silver maiden cloak for her wedding to Tyrion. Stark colors are grey and white tho... I think in this case the silver is there instead of the grey of House Stark. I'm not sure if this is a mistake or not. "Cersei Lannister ignored the question. "The cloak," she commanded, and the women brought it out: a long cloak of white velvet heavy with pearls. A fierce direwolf was embroidered upon it in silver thread. Sansa looked at it with sudden dread. "Your father's colors," said Cersei, as they fastened it about her neck with a slender silver chain."
Curiously enough, Tyrion wore Targaryen colors to marry Sansa lol
3.- Littlefinger planned for Alayne to reveal her true identity as Sansa Stark wearing a maiden cloak with the Stark colors grey and white: "Jon Arryn's bannermen will never love me, nor our silly, shaking Robert, but they will love their Young Falcon . . . and when they come together for his wedding, and you come out with your long auburn hair, clad in a maiden's cloak of white and grey with a direwolf emblazoned on the back . . . why, every knight in the Vale will pledge his sword to win you back your birthright.
From my answer about certain ship foreshadowing:
What do you know of my heart, priestess? What do you know of my sister?
In the shadow of the Wall, the direwolf brushed up against his fingers. For half a heartbeat the night came alive with a thousand smells, and Jon Snow heard the crackle of the crust breaking on a patch of old snow. Someone was behind him, he realized suddenly. Someone who smelled warm as a summer day.
When he turned he saw Ygritte.
She stood beneath the scorched stones of the Lord Commander’s Tower, cloaked in darkness and in memory. The light of the moon was in her hair, her red hair kissed by fire. When he saw that, Jon’s heart leapt into his mouth. “Ygritte,” he said.
“Lord Snow.” The voice was Melisandre’s.
Surprise made him recoil from her. “Lady Melisandre.” He took a step backwards. “I mistook you for someone else.” At night all robes are grey. Yet suddenly hers were red. He did not understand how he could have taken her for Ygritte. She was taller, thinner, older, though the moonlight washed years from her face. Mist rose from her nostrils, and from pale hands naked to the night. “You will freeze your fingers off,” Jon warned.
“If that is the will of R’hllor. Night’s powers cannot touch one whose heart is bathed in god’s holy fire.”
“You heart does not concern me. Just your hands.”
“The heart is all that matters. Do not despair, Lord Snow. Despair is a weapon of the enemy, whose name may not be spoken. Your sister is not lost to you.”
“I have no sister.” The words were knives. What do you know of my heart, priestess? What do you know of my sister?
Melisandre seemed amused. “What is her name, this little sister that you do not have?”
“Arya.” His voice was hoarse. “My half-sister, truly …”
“… for you are bastard born. I had not forgotten. I have seen your sister in my fires, fleeing from this marriage they have made for her. Coming here, to you. A girl in grey on a dying horse, I have seen it plain as day. It has not happened yet, but it will.”
—A Dance with Dragons - Jon VI
Earlier in this chapter, Jon was thinking about Arya and her situation (trapped with the Boltons), and he was frustrated for not being able to help her. Then he remembered Ygritte, he confused Melisandre for Ygritte.
So, reading all the context:
What do you know of my heart, priestess? = This is about Ygritte. He is still hurt and mourning for her.
What do you know of my sister? = This is about Arya and her situation.
This is an excellent example of how GRRM plays with our minds with his tricky words:
“At night all robes are grey. Yet suddenly hers were red”. He is introducing us to the Grey Girl and her true identity.
Jon thinks he is seeing Ygritte but he was actually seeing Melissandre.
Melisandre and Jon also believe this grey girl of the visions is Arya Stark, but the person trapped with the Boltons is Jeyne Poole. And later, Alys Karstark was not even wearing a “grey” cloak.
For me the grey girl is neither of them. The answer is hidden in this line: “At night all robes are grey. Yet suddenly hers were red”.
***
"At night all robes are grey" means all the confusion about the grey girl's true identity: Arya or Jeyne or Alys Karstark.
"Yet suddenly hers were red" means that the girl with the grey cloak will be a redhead, like Ygritte and Melisandre the two women Jon was confusing.
So, Sansa as the grey girl makes a lot of sense, she is a redhead and she is a Stark, and grey is the main Stark color.
And this is not the first time that Jon confused Ygritte with another female. Jon dreamed of a ghastly grey direwolf wandering around the Crypts of Winterfell, that seems to be Lady’s Shade:
The crypts were growing darker. A light has gone out somewhere. “Ygritte?” he whispered. “Forgive me. Please.” But it was only a direwolf, grey and ghastly, spotted with blood, his her golden eyes shining sadly through the dark . .
—A Storm of Swords - Jon VIII
Despite Jon assuming the direwolf was a "he," I strongly suspect it was Lady's Shade. Lady is buried at Winterfell, not Grey Wind. Lady was beheaded with Ice, so her fur would be spotted with blood. And Lady was said to have sad eyes.
So, Jon is always confusing Ygritte with another redheads...
From my Dunk & Jon meta:
Maybe I’m seeing too much here, but the reference to Alysanne Osgrey [Os-Grey] makes me think of Sansa Stark, because:
Sansa shared a lot of parallels with Good Queen Alysanne.
The surname Osgrey has the word grey in it.
Alysanne Osgrey became a Silent Sister.
Silent Sisters always wear grey.
Silent Sisters are known as the Stranger’s wives.
According to Melissandre, the Grey Girl of her visions is Jon Snow’s Sister.
The Grey Girl will probably be Sansa Stark.
Grey is also the color of House Stark, so Sansa is, in a way, a Grey Girl.
Jon is a man that will defeat death and come back to life, like the Stranger that walks between the two worlds.
The Stranger’s face is half animal, like Jon who is a warg, half man and half beast.
From my Jon/Sansa/Winterfell meta:
The stone is strong = The walls of Winterfell = Alayne Stone = Sansa Stark.
Sansa Stark has a lot of stone imagery around her.
Winterfell’s walls are made of grey granite. Grey is also a color of House Stark and I believe that Sansa will be the girl in grey on a dying horse from Melisandre’s vision.
As the Heir to Winterfell, Sansa was practically transformed into a stone castle, Winterfell, and the north itself, since the one that controlled her would obtain all her lands and power. Or, to use the euphemism from the Books, Sansa Stark was the “key to the north.”
Sansa reflects about this objectification in the Books and gives us one of the saddest lines in ASOIAF, especially coming from a girl who yearns to be loved and always dreamed of getting married: “No one will ever marry me for love,” (because everyone only wants her for her claim to Winterfell and the north).
Tyrion associates Sansa’s rejection of his advances as icy courtesy and compared that rejection with a castle wall that he never got to break:
“You hide behind courtesy as if it were a castle wall.”
“Courtesy is a lady’s armor,” Sansa said. Her septa had always told her that.
—A Storm of Swords - Sansa III
Sansa’s misery was deepening every day. Tyrion would gladly have broken through her courtesy to give her what solace he might, but it was no good.
—A Storm of Swords - Tyrion IV
He wanted to reach her, to break through the armor of her courtesy.
—A Storm of Swords - Tyrion VIII
The castle wall that armored Sansa and Tyrion never got to break is a clear reference to Winterfell:
He remembered Winterfell as he had last seen it. Not as grotesquely huge as Harrenhal, nor as solid and impregnable to look at as Storm’s End, yet there had been a great strength in those stones, a sense that within those walls a man might feel safe.
—A Clash of Kings - Tyrion XI
And certainly, Sansa feels stronger and protected within the walls of Winterfell:
Sansa stuck her fingers through the top, grabbed a handful of snow, and flung it full in his face. Petyr yelped, as the snow slid down under his collar. “That was unchivalrously done, my lady.”
“As was bringing me here, when you swore to take me home.”
She wondered where this courage had come from, to speak to him so frankly. From Winterfell, she thought. I am stronger within the walls of Winterfell.
—A Storm of Swords - Sansa VII
Sansa feeling stronger within the walls of Winterfell, sounds pretty similar to “the stone is strong” line from Bran quote cited above.
Later, while descending from the Eyrie to the Gates of the Moon, Mya Stone tells Sansa that “a stone is a mountain’s daughter.”
Men come and go. They lie, or die, or leave you. A mountain is not a man, though, and a stone is a mountain’s daughter. I trust my father, and I trust my mules. I won’t fall.” She put her hand on a jagged spur of rock, and got to her feet. “Best finish. We have a long way yet to go, and I can smell a storm.”
—A Feast for Crows - Alayne II
One of Winterfell’s possible meanings is “wintry mountain(s).” And Sansa Stark is “The northern girl. Winterfell’s daughter”.
As the daughter of Petyr Baelish, Alayne Stone also becomes the Heir to Harrenhal, another great castle made of strong stone. Only dragon fire was able to melt Harrenhal’s stone walls:
Stone does not burn, Harren had boasted, but his castle was not made of stone alone. […] And even stone will crack and melt if a fire is hot enough. The riverlords outside the castle walls said later that the towers of Harrenhal glowed red against the night, like five great candles… and like candles, they began to twist and melt, as runnels of molten stone ran down their sides.
—The World of Ice and Fire - The Reign of the Dragons: The Conquest
Moreover we have the parallels that Sansa shares with Jenny of Oldstones. And Oldstones serves us as an example of the strength of the stone.
Just like Winterfell was the stronghold of the ancient Kings of Winter, Oldstones was the stronghold of the ancient River Kings (House Mudd of Oldstones), both dynasties descendants of the First Men. And if we read about Oldstones, thinking about Winterfell is an inevitability:
They reached Oldstones after eight more days of steady rain, and made their camp upon the hill overlooking the Blue Fork, within a ruined stronghold of the ancient river kings. Its foundations remained amongst the weeds to show where the walls and keeps had stood, but the local smallfolk had long ago made off with most of the stones to raise their barns and septs and holdfasts. Yet in the center of what once would have been the castle’s yard, a great carved sepulcher still rested, half hidden in waist-high brown grass amongst a stand of ash.
The lid of the sepulcher had been carved into a likeness of the man whose bones lay beneath, but the rain and the wind had done their work. The king had worn a beard, they could see, but otherwise his face was smooth and featureless, with only vague suggestions of a mouth, a nose, eyes, and the crown about the temples. His hands folded over the shaft of a stone warhammer that lay upon his chest. Once the warhammer would have been carved with runes that told its name and history, but all that the centuries had worn away. The stone itself was cracked and crumbling at the corners, discolored here and there by spreading white splotches of lichen, while wild roses crept up over the king’s feet almost to his chest.
—A Storm of Swords - Catelyn V
Despite the pass of time the foundations of Oldstones remained and the stones were even used by the smallfolk to rise new buildings. The stone is really strong.
What also remained despite the centuries was the tomb of King Tristifer IV Mudd, also known as the Hammer of Justice, which immediately reminds me of the crypts of Winterfell and its stone kings sitting on their thrones with their swords across their laps.
And just like songs are still sung about a girl named Jenny from Oldstones who found true love with a Targaryen prince, I’m pretty sure that many songs will be sung about Sansa Stark from Winterfell and her own Targaryen prince.
Finally, is worth mentioning that Stark means “strong” in German. And there’s a theory about House Strong (extinguished) being linked to House Stark.
Stone = Strong = Stark
So by saying the stone is strong, we are also saying the stone is Stark.
Alayne Stone is Sansa Stark.
***
There you have it.
Thanks for your message ♡
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Actually, here is an alternative thing for you to occupy your time with, and a question I have been meaning to ask you for a while.
I have finished 911 finally! So I'm ready for the new season. And I wonder, realistically, what do you think the roadmap would be for a buddie endgame?
I absolutely see how their story has been framed and filmed in a lot of parallels to how a romantic storyline would be set out. But there has been no outright mention of either of them being bi - although the conversation about Maddy setting Buck up with whassisface was very casual and could very easily have been an example of canonically bi Buck - and they are both at the end of season 4 in 'relationships' with women.
So, in your estimation, what's the timeline? What's the transition? How do they go about this and how long does it take? I wanna know your thoughts 👀
okay yes i have lots of thoughts on this and it's actually one of my fave questions i get asked. I've always watched a lot of tv shows so I'm just estimating on what I've seen before and what I would personally do. IMO this love story is a slow burn. We only have four seasons so far and only three of those seasons have Eddie in them. This unsurprisingly got long so ill put it under the cut.
So I'll go by seasons bc to me its important to look at everything that has happened so far by seasons and by love interests and not as a whole. Its the best way i can form a timeline that I think would make the most sense and why
S1: So we don't get any hints at Buck being anything other than straight and I think this is because he was supposed to be. They hadn't planned for Eddie yet and they definitely hadn't planned for the chemistry Oliver and Ryan were gonna have. S1 Buck was this reckless kid who didn't take anything serious. He was definitely super immature. Then he meets Abby and he starts to get serious about his job and his love life. I'm not gonna say "Abby changed him" because she didnt. He saw the person he was and the person he was becoming and decided on that change himself.
S2: Eddie!!!! So we get introduced to this army medic turned firefighter in the least heterosexual way. Then Buck is angry because Eddie is hot and really good at his job. they work together and Eddie compliments Buck and now they're smiley bffs. Seriously wtf was all that? Anyway this is all sus bc from what ive seen before in other shows when a main love interest leaves and a new main character replaces them, that means something. JLH replaced Connie Britton as far as big name actress but i really believe Eddie replaced Abby as far as importance in Buck's life. Do i think they brought him in with the intentions of turning him into a LI? No but they sure fueled the narrative from the get go. I think they saw fans reactions and started testing the waters.
Moving on to LIs in this season. We find out Eddie has a kid and the mother is not in the picture (eddie made sure buck knew that right away). Then later on we find out he's technically still married. shannon comes back and we get Eddie finally getting to confront this head on. He tries to get his family back together for the sake of his son. Its big for Eddie's character bc all he does and all he's ever done is for his son. Then Shannon asks for a divorce then she dies bringing this arc to an abrupt end and leaving eddie heartbroken.
meanwhile Buck is still waiting for Abby. Then he finally accepts that shes not coming back and decides to move on. He goes right back to being "Buck 1.0" with Taylor and feels bad about himself because that really isnt him anymore. He wants a real relationship. So then Ali calls and asks him on an actual date and he agrees. This is his first try at a relationship after a heartbreak. in tv these don't usually work out but are used to develop the main character's growth. We don't really see much of her but she breaks up with him so.
S3: This is Eddie finally dealing with his feelings/guilt season. This is also the season I think we really see how important Buck is to the Diaz boys. S2 had cute buckley-diaz family moments but those could still be interpreted as a best friend and his best friend's kid. This season though... after the tsunamic episode was when i really started to fully believe buddie was going canon. This season is solidifying their bond not only as Buck and Eddie but as Buck Eddie and Christpher. As I'm writing this I realized neither of them really has a love interest in this season do they? Ana is introduced but then is clearly presented as definitely NOT the right choice for eddie and especially for Chris. Then they counter that with Buck helping Eddie build a skateboard for Chris that he can use as opposed to Ana's ablest remarks about how he can't do it so just move on to something else. Then we get Buck's reaction in Eddie Begins. Buck has seen his team his friends his family get hurt on the job before but he has never reacted the way he did when it was Eddie in danger. Again solidifying just how much these two mean to each other. Don't even get me started on this season being when Eddie changes his will offscreen. Anyway we get Abby back and Buck finally gets the closure from that relationship that he needs to move forward into a serious relationship.
Now S4: jfc s4....IMO this is the only logical season to get the ball rolling on Buddie and they sure did that with 4x14 despite everything else. So i never thought they would be the first serious relationship for each other after the heart break theyve both experienced. It wouldn't be fair to their character developments. Buck tries dating Veronica and that clearly doesnt work but we know hes now open to dating again. We get Buck Begins where we see why Buck is the dare devil he is. The only way he got his parents attention as a kid was to put himself in danger. They bring back taylor and how to they ultimately get together after she friendzones him? She thinks hes in danger and suddenly wants him. As much as i hate it this is really gonna be a relationship where Buck finally stands up for himself and sees his own worth and realizes he deserves more. He deserves someone who sees him and loves him for who he is. He deserves to be chosen, something Abby Ali his parents dont do and what i think taylor wont end up doing. I feel like shes gonna choose her career over him. Maybe not in a "I'm breaking up with you" way but maybe she takes a new job and want to do LD (hes tried that twice and it didnt work for him. hes not gonna want that) or she could ask him to go with her but he wont. His family is in LA. His job is in LA. Eddie and Chris are in LA and he won't leave them. Then we have Eddie finally deciding to move on and try dating again so they bring back ana. To me it's not gonna work out so I'm not bothered at all lmao. It's interesting that they'd choose her though. Someone we already know Eddie doesn't trust with his son. There's also more buckley-diaz family scenes of them being coparents. The hildy episode, Chris running to Buck when hes mad at eddie, Buck being the one to tell Chris Eddie got hurt, then Buck staying with Chris and taking on the guardian role without him even knowing just how much that role really does belong to him. He didn't do it out of obligation. He didn't do it because he was asked to. He did it because he thought it would be best for Chris. Finally to 4x14. This is by far the biggest "Oh shit this is it. This is the beginning of buddie". We find out Eddie changed his will a year ago and has just been sitting on this info. I think Eddie knew back then what it meant but he wasn't in the right mindset to accept what it means so he kept it to himself. I think he finally started allowing himself to go there during treasure hunt. The man was jealous yall. Carla coming back and her comment about doing whats best for him and not chris is his oh shit moment. I think he wouldve broken up with Ana a few days after that if he had the time lol. He gets caught up in the mother/son sl then this poor mf gets shot by a sniper. The way that whole scene was filmed btw was not in a bff way. That was a lover watching his beloved almost die in front of him. Buck again puts himself down and Eddie decides this is the moment. He needs Buck to see how important he is. He wants buck to know how loved he is. So he sits there talking himself up to it and finally lets Buck know just how big of a part he is in Eddie's family. Buck's previous scene is him saying he wants someone who wants him back then here is Eddie saying he needs him...Chris needs him. wtf.
So with S5: I think Eddie knows and Buck has a feeling but he's not sure so what i would do is spend s5 with Eddie basically showing Buck his feelings but not exactly getting in the way of Buck's new relationship because Buck has to be the one to make that choice. Id also have chris feeling the different shift with buck having a gf like he did with Eddie. This newfound info wasnt just dropped on us for a "Aww so sweet" moment. This will business is gonna be a part of a bigger storyline. I'm hoping its with Eddie's family during maybe 5b.
So what I think would be the best timeline for canon buddie is 5a eddie already having either broken up with ana or is gonna break up with her, Buck choosing himself and ending things with Taylor by midseason finale, them bringing in Eddie's family in 5b and maybe then being when Eddie confesses his feelings for Buck. Then 6a we could get them walking on egg shells around each other not really knowing what to do bc this is all so new for both of them. This could bring just the right amount of comedy and angst especially them awkward and flustered around each other at work. A big blowup can happen between them for added angst (maybe an arguement before one of them or both of them is put in danger) then a midseason finale kiss. Then trying to find the balance between their personal relationship and their work relationship during 6b.
I don't know how long Fox shows last but procedurals can last a long time. I'm not sure thats gonna be the case for 911 especially with all the main cast staying that long so i think this would give us at least a whole season (S7) of canon buddie.
As far as then being presented as straight, there's been more seeds planted about buck being bi. A few i can remember off the top of my head: all of 2x1 lmao, maddie's comment about bucks boy crush on eddie, buck hinting at thinking eddie is cute when he thinks maddie is talking about him, the christmas elf, the comments on the instagram livestream, idk if youve watched it or not but TK's comment to Buck in the crossover episode, and like you mentioned Maddie's casual comment about setting him up with Josh. All we really know about Eddie's love life is he married Shannon when they were young and is trying with Ana so it could turn into a whole storyline for him.
I'm so sorry this is so long and took forever but i I hope i actually answered your question and didnt just get lost in rambles lmao.
#oh god that took me way too long lol#eddie diaz#evan buckley#buddie#911onfox#is this meta?#wtf even is that#buddie meta#??#idk
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my katsuki interp has never raised his voice or hand to his kids and for some reason that made some people mad
i sent him to therapy, made him cut contact with both of his parents, and had him realize that he didnt want to be like his mom. he wants a good relationship with his kids and he got that.
his oldest child wasnt even his in any way when he first started therapy, shes eijirou and mina's daughter yua, but the way she reacted to him when they first met broke his heart. he cried because his boyfriend's daughter was scared of him. he went to therapy and used gentle parenting in hopes of having a good relationship with her.
and boy do they have a good relationship
he is her biggest supporter and she knows that. after yua realized katsuki and eijirou were dating she started calling him dad on her own terms, he never demanded a title from her because he didnt know how she would react to basically a stranger demanding she call him dad. he was "katsu" to her for almost 2 years before she was comfortable enough to call him dad.
yua's quirk made it difficult for her to be held or hug people because she was covered in spikes. she didnt feel comfortable with people hugging her because she knew it hurt others and it took katsuki a while to realize that. he worked with her for years, allowing her to get more and more comfortable with her quirk and physical contact. he has a lot of puncture wounds on his arms and chest from hugging her before she got the spikes removed and he didnt care that he was being hurt, his only goal was to get her to feel comfortable with her quirk and he did that. she did made the decision to get the spikes removed when she was 20, but katsuki fully supported her decision and he was proud of her for making that decision.
katsuki was the first person to see yua's love for soccer start too. when yua was 5 they had gone to the park together and there was an abandoned soccer ball there. yua picked it up and ran to katsuki and she said "dad look!" and did that thing kids do where they drop a ball and try to kick it like that, and she was so proud of herself when her foot actually touched the ball. katsuki hyped her up SO much: "that was SO amazing yua!", "wow i cant even do that!" and "next time we come to the park we should bring dad and mom so they can see how amazing you are!"
he was at every soccer game, never missed one. it didnt matter if her team won or lost, he always took her to dinner after a game. he always told her how proud of her he was of her and how amazing she was.
during her first professional soccer game on a women team he ended up getting thrown out during the beginning of it because he punched someone who was actively deadnaming ad misgendering yua.
he regularly donates money to her organization and safe houses, too. he supports everything shes doing with her life and he is so proud of her.
ive been told i ruined him before and i dont see what i did wrong. i made him a good dad?? i gave him a good relationship with his daughter?? oh no the horror??
#katsuki bakugou#bakugou katsuki#mha#bnha#mha next gen#bnha next gen#kirimina#kiribaku#bakukirimina#oc#original character
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