This one is for the TIMs 💕

female socialisation vs. male socialisation in one picture

It’s really no wonder that men cling desperately to the institutions that don’t allow women out from under their brutality. Separatism terrifies them for good reason. Look at single-sex male spaces in prisons, schools, and industries. When men/boys are alone together, they quickly create castes where they treat their lowers like they treat women in broader society - and the abuse knows no limits. It’s often sexual, often fatal, and it always revolves around degradation. Males recreate patriarchy, even when they’re alone together. They’re terrified of their own brutality and need to use women as a buffer.

this is why it’s so important for feminists to talk about motherhood as well, instead of just saying “everyone should be child free” and leaving it at that. this is a HORRIBLE double standard that i’ve even noticed with my parents (my mom works during the day and dad stays home). when my mom is sick, she still does what needs done. my dad, however, hides in his room and ignores all responsibilities. it has nothing to do with who does the majority of the household duties and everything to do with male vs. female socialization.

this sunday, it was dissapointing to see how easy it was for the boys to run around and get their energy out outside, but for the little toddler girls in impractical frilly puffy dresses and impractical shoes, it's an obstacle for their play.

the girls', clothes are made to be seen in as opposed to being made to be worn, unlike the boys which are still nice for easter but they dont have to trip over the edge of a skirt or dress, or have their shoes fall off or pinch their toes when running, they can move and play freely.

it's a problem too cuz when toddlers don't get that energy out, they get irritable and pitch fits, so then the boys look like easy kids, and the girls difficult. let the girls run around!

female subjugation starts from birth. these girls are praised for being beautiful in their dresses, while also learning they cannot play in them. this correlation will not be lost on them especially as they grow up. "If i want positive attention from the important people in my life (like my congregation), this is what i do." the whole "beauty is pain" narrative, while not incorrect, is often viewed as normal and a justified fact of life, like "beauty IS pain and thats just how it is! oh the things us women go through to look pretty haha!". stop teaching girls that their beauty is WORTH pain, because it's not! they should never sacrifice to look attractive.

if half the congression can dress both formal and practical, so can the other half. don't handcuff little girls to femininity at the cost of their happiness and energy and play.

The idea that transwomen do not experience male socialization (or at least don’t internalize/retain it) because they’re not actually men and their brains recognize this or however they may say it, is entirely dependent on the idea that men are supposed to be socialized the way that they are. The only way this argument works is if you believe male socialization (and by extension female socialization as well) is totally natural. If we accept that male socialization is not the way things are meant to be and is instead a part of a larger manmade issue (the concept of male supremacy), we have to then accept that, in the proposed scenario of transwomen rejecting male socialization, there is an inconsistency. If socialization is not natural and is a tool to enforce patriarchy, we have to ask this question: why is it that, given that neither are supposed to experience male socialization as it is manmade, only transwomen subconsciously reject male socialization as something that they are not meant to experience? If it is unnatural for both, then why does only one recognize this? The idea that transwomen are not men and are therefore not meant to experience male socialization and so they don’t internalize it directly implies that men are supposed to be socialized that way.

This is not how socialization works. You do not pick and choose what you internalize, and none of it is supposed to be any particular way, and your subconscious can’t reject things that are not supposed to be the way that they are if none of it is inherent.

alcoholic man who stopped drinking and lost 18lbs now thinks he’s too good for his wife that’s spent years putting up with his shit……

i've been working in a school for almost a year now and it makes me so angry to notice how girls and boys are socialized since the very beginning of their life, how boys are taught to be violent and strong and assertive and loud and how girls are taught to be calm and sweet and silent and to do what boys want to do, how boys are terribly mean and violent to other boys but especially to girls, how girls are always told to "stop running, just sit there and be nice while i am talking" when boys scream and run and play without anyone telling them to stop, how boys are always the ones to decide the game they're gonna play in their sport class today, how girls are punished and yelled at as soon as they are a bit loud or they cry or they get up from their chairs or do this sort of things that it's normal for kids to do when boys do these things and even more all the time without getting yelled at or punished or even looked at, how girls are punished for things boys are allowed to do, how girls are told to be silent when boys can be as loud as they want, how girls' boundaries are never respected because they're told to "be nice" and "let him do, it's okay" when they complain about boys doing things that annoy them, how boys are literally told to cross these boundaries because "she's being mean, ignore her and do what you want, she can't stop you", how most of the school's space is taken by boys, leaving a small corner for girls to play, how all boys have to do for teachers to congratulate them and give them compliments is to answer a question out of ten correctly when girls can be so smart and answer everything right all the time without never seeing a smile or hearing a "good job" from their teacher, how these same girls get yelled at when they make a single mistake in their homework when teachers are way more patient with boys and try not to upset them, how boys can annoy and even hit girls without being told anything very often when girls get punished for fighting back or telling them to leave them alone, how girls are told that they have to be nice and calm and mature to be an example for boys, how boys spend their time hitting and making fun of each other and of girls even more and everyone seems to think it's normal, how teachers try their best not to upset boys but don't care about basic girls' feelings, how girls are always the ones to help us cleaning and storing equipment and toys when boys are having fun, how girls are prevented from doing a lot of things because they have to stay clean and "pretty" and "ladylike", how girls are taught to take care of boys, how girls are taught to prioritize boys' feelings, how girls are told they're being dramatic when they cry.... i could give so many examples. i work with kids between 3 and 12yo and i can't believe how obvious their socialization already is. 3yo boys trying to force 3yo girls to kiss them. 5yo girl getting punished for crying. 7yo boys hitting a 7yo girl. 11yo boys watching porn. violence, sexism, bullying, mocking. you can't escape the socialization. it touches all of us. depending on our biological sex. male and female socialization. i hate it.

What’s your view on toxic female friendships. I think it’s such a shame betrayal seems to be more common theme in female friendships. Men seem to have life long friends without any drama at all. Of course there are women out there with good life long friends but sadly it’s rare especially in this era we live in

xx

I think the underlying themes here are patriarchy and internalized misogyny. It can appear in blatant forms like women who sabotage each other for male attention, body/appearance/slut shame other women, or overly criticize other women's behavior and choices.

But I also believe there's a more covert patriarchal dynamic to women-women friendships vs. men-men friendships that's only recently become a prominent conversation in the public sphere/social media. As women, we're taught that it's our responsibility and culturally conditioned to perform all the emotional labor for the people in our lives – mainly men, but also other women. Men are taught and socialized with the opposite mentality.

So, I believe the dilemma comes down to this:

Female friendships exist as an outlet to unload our emotional stressors from all the men and women in our lives, so along with strict standards to be the "perfect" woman, it is easy for women to get on each other's nerves/bad side when we're all constantly emotionally exhausted and unloading onto each other. We overemphasize the emotional labor we should expect out of each other because we are conditioned to do this for the men in our lives. But, because other women aren't men, we start to resent/project onto them this anger. It's a very insidious type of internalized misogyny that I think a lot of women aren't aware of and therefore do not confront.

Then, there's the other side of the coin, where men don't really have these expectations of other men. Their friendship is based more on camaraderie through mutual interests, upbringing, lifestyles, or shared experiences (like working together, attending the same university, etc.). They don't uphold this expectation of performing emotional labor for themselves or each other. That role is reversed or the women in their lives.

Of course, I believe most men are so socially conditioned by patriarchy that they don't even realize this underlying dynamic and there are plenty of exceptions of emotionally intelligent men who desire to/actively unpack this to create more emotionally nourishing and equitable relationships in their lives, but I'm speaking in generalities for comprehension's sake.

Hope this resonates with some of you and answers your question. Bisous xx

The radfem concept of “male socialization” doesn’t make much sense. Not that we should take it as some serious theory of trans women’s childhood. It’s an attempt to shut trans women up by misgendering them when a trans woman is being too uppity and dares to talk back to her betters. It’s an attempt to suppress trans women who break the gender stereotype of women being quiet and submissive, cloaked in pseudo-feminist language.

I do think many if not most trans women have internalized transmisogyny, but so do most cis women. How can we not? We are beings who were born, raised and still live in a deeply transmisogynistic society, of course we all internalize misogyny. I think we are all taught a patriarchal idea of men and women, and internalize and relate to them in various ways, in which our gender identity and expression is a major factor. That is however a very subtle and complex problem, one that isn’t covered by the “male socialization” idea that a trans woman who shows any kind of independent thought or aggression is actually a man.

I think transfeminine people as children often don’t have typically male childhoods. We often come across as effeminate and are bullied by boys because of it. Such bullying tends to not build the self-confidence or sense of entitlement that radfems see as signs of “male socialization” in trans women. We often feel alienated from the ideal of a masculine man, and don’t internalize it and make it part of our identity. To the extent we do try to perform manhood or masculinity, it often feels like an uncomfortable mask. Whereas we can often internalize ideas of womanhood instead.

My own case is a good example. I felt alienated from masculinity and manhood, to the point I was often bullied as a child, with physical violence. I never felt ease at the concepts of “boy” and “man” being applied to me, and at around the age of 12 I invented being agender on my own. I decided that “boy” was something biological that had nothing to do with my mind or my identity. I was dissociated from my body and my physical being in the world. I wanted to be a girl, but thought it was impossible. And far from making me an outright misogynist, my alienation made me horrified at the misogyny I had to listen to when boys and men had (sometimes literally) locker room talk with each other around me

I think radfem concepts of male/female socialization overlook that the foundation of gendered socialization must be to get the children to view themselves as girls or boys based on their assigned gender at birth, and then comes that they should behave in feminine or masculine ways accordingly. Trans children, even if they are not aware of being trans or self-identify as such, still often reject or feel some kind of disconnect with their assigned gender, and that makes their socialization pathway crooked.

And when trans women start identifying themselves as women, they have firmly rejected the basis of that gendered socialization. They don’t view themselves as men anymore, if they ever truly did. And that is in itself the most meaningful rejection of any male socialization possible, as it rejects the foundation of such socialization.

i keep seeing people say that people criticizing dylan mulvaneys song would never criticize that song if it was made by a cis woman and then they conclude that those ppl are "terfs" and it's like!!! no!!! we'd literally criticize the song if a woman wrote it too!!! my qualms would probably differ a bit because women are still socialized to often put down, demean, infantalize, etc ourselves, as opposed to dylan adopting a persona/costume of what he thinks a woman is (and therefore affirming that characture of a woman onto others), but in what world are legit terfs pro- "girlhood = shopping, promiscuity, pink " ?

the RF actually stands for something yall!!

SO many radfems/terfs are outspoken against "bimbo feminism" or "girl dinner", "girl math", "I'm just a 20 something teenage girl," etc trends that come from women!

terfs would not endorse this song even coming from a "cis" woman!

Men always find ways to conceal & justify their abusive and predatory mentalities and behaviors, and convince everyone that the women who reject their "ideals" and begin to call out & look down on their literal oppressors are the "real problem".

For example, men masturbating to porn categories titled "women crying" is sexual freedom and what not, but women joking about drinking the tears of men who they simply told "No!" to or kicked from their high horses is evil.

Patriarchal brainwashing has achieved that men AND women alike defend and normalize this — and unfortunately, it prevents women who get wronged by men (on different levels) from recognizing it, and even if they recognize it, it still prevents them from unapologetically advocating for themselves in most cases.

Women make excuses for men to FEEL safer and better, perhaps even protected, and because they don’t want to believe that these men‘s evilness (e.g. porn consumption, older men looking out for young women, exploitation of women’s bodies and labour both in public and in private etc.) is REAL, and runs DEEP. Even if it only pops up on the surface, occasionally. The typical "accidentally sexist" comment or action.

Men make excuses for each other to BECOME more untouchable, less prone to getting held accountable and because they KNOW and WANT the atrocities they commit against women to remain powerful and prevalent. Because that‘s what they build their own fulfillment and accomplishments on.

Men benefit when women are aware of their suffering and the dangers imposed upon them, and they also benefit when women remain ignorant towards them. The mixture of both keeps patriarchy going. While women are fighting for their survival, men can continue to make it harder for us — but we get punished either way. Even when it seems like patriarchy "rewards" a woman for being complicit or too afraid to speak up, it only reinforces itself and manifests women‘s collective (& individual) abuse further.

Also, most people gloss over the fact that smaller injustices fuel larger ones. For example, the power imbalances men create in their relationships (which is one of the main reasons they love huge age differences, and society does the same because our male-centered society thrives when women are the butt of the joke) are one of the pillars of patriarchy, since patriarchy gets fueled when "the personal becomes political".

That‘s also why a woman disliking or joking about her oppressor class gets scrutinized, ridiculed & harassed whereas a man who jokes about women‘s brutalization and suffering, and non-chalantly embraces his privilege, is merely a victim and misunderstood, or "not a big deal". People extend this apologist mentality to rape jokes and worse, even.

A woman who speaks up about her oppression needs to be closely examined and checked for the privileges she may or may not have, while a man who oppresses (directly or indirectly), is seen as a misunderstood victim of his privileges who doesn’t know better or just needs some grace.

A woman being oppressed doesn’t matter to these people because she‘s not the perfect victim. She‘s merely entitled or whiny or vengeful.

And a man being oppressive doesn’t matter to these people because he‘s both the perfect perpetrator and the perfect victim at once, in their minds. He‘s merely trying.

That‘s why I‘m prioritizing women, and am unashamed of my criticism and skepticism of men, both as a class and as individuals.

so, funny story. Miss Italy just banned trans identified males. So to protest that decision, a bunch of trans identified females entered the contest. Admitting they’re woman…what a self own.

ICYMI: on the heels of a TiM winning the Miss Netherlands beauty pageant, the Miss Italy pageant has decided to limit participation to "women from birth."

I hate beauty pageants as much as the next girl, but, I mean, come on. This is a joke. An actual woman who looks like this would never even enter a pageant, let alone win the whole fucking thing. The double standard here is crazy, and I think Italy saw the writing on the wall and decided to get ahead of it. Good on them, honestly.

So to protest that decision, a bunch of trans identified females entered the contest. Admitting they’re woman…what a self own.

Yeah, it's pretty comical.

They're trying to convince the organizers that their definition of woman is inaccurate because these people are female "men." The thing is, paradoxically, they're proving the organizers right, they are nothing like men.

So, they say this, but the featured image of the article is a trans man's application being confirmed.

If anything, she'll be denied later on for being too ugly, not for being a man, as she stated.

It's funny to me how TiFs ardently defend TiMs while TiMs either stay silent or are incredibly aggressive towards TiFs for having "male privilege." It's almost like gendered socialization has a profound impact on you even if you choose to identify as something else.

Where were the TiMs when female reproductive rights were being taken away? Oh right, they were busy calling us "uterus havers." Meanwhile TiFs were offering up their uterus to TiMs. Insanity all around.

Personally I think this is the most appropriate response. Calling their parents AND the cops if only as a tactic to scare them into understanding how serious trespassing and destruction of property is.

However what I'd like to focus on is some of the comments. I've included the replies because I'm glad there's sane people calling them out.

They're all men.

These are the same type of men that think 'Boys will be Boys' and bad behavior should be excused because they're just boys. It dismisses accountability for their shitty behaviors. This sort of behavior will undoubtedly escalate, and when boys stop being boys, this sort of of excuse and validation that they're entitled to do as they please has already become ingrained into their personalities because of shitty men like these.

And then you have these psychos.

Rant over