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thegraveyardjohnsongrey · 1 year

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April 2021

April: Convos of the Day

+ Started Cera Ve Overnight Cream + Getting Water intake back togetha + G Little’s IG Reveal! + First Time Working out at Cortland 2 Floor Gym!

+ started doing fruit/oat bowls again + #Wicked4Whitney “My Future is Unlimited” + Caden’s 1st Birthday & Baptism in Kissimmee !!!!!!!! + Set Gym Schedule for Cortland! + Back to Jurassic World on Netflix?

Said no and created boundaries (tina - health law paper)

Stay away from ranch? (Black pepper?) ORRRR sarku Japan (?) had bad reaction day of 4/22 from day before

4.1.21

Body: Noticing a sexier slimmer back (that goes down to my waist) - which is surprising, considering my workout plan has been non existent the past month. Also loving my smooth skin (knock on wood), my former chest, and my tan from the pool day

+ As always, I love waking around during errands and making myself laugh

Dropping off errands to tita emma and tita Cris. It always gives me a weird feeling bc it reminds me that time is passing and we’re all getting older.

It’s not that I’m ungrateful or anything. It just makes me reminded that I just want my own life. I want my own space, I want my own routine. I want to be beholding something that’s mine. And I’m just not doing it quite yet. I want a job and a commute and routine thats lie and makes me excited Bc it’s mine. And I want to be fulfilled in having my own life and a new group of friends to have and rely on and like.. idk. I just think it’s passed my time here in Tampa and I think I’m just ready to experience something new. Whew, 2018 me, whats good

4.2.21

+ Tommy making the lineage diagrams was pretty cool

+ So Emotional by Whitney Houston is such a slept on bop

+ My chest be looking good in this light blue workout shirt

+ Getting into your clean car when you forgot it was cleaned is such a satisfying feeling

I can’t wait to work again one day. To have a stable source of income again. I meant granted I know it will come with us own fair share of bullsht. And that eventually I’ll get sick of acting like I have it all together and that stress is a normal thing to suffer from in a legal office. But... idk. Theres Something about me being excited to prove that I’m indispensable and that I’m valuable to a legal team. I can’t wait for it. (And that first paycheck, gurl)z

I think what I did msyelf really insecure about these days is not having the means to throw down money whener I want to. Or to buy whatever I reasonable thing I’d like to at a given moment. I mean sure, I can buy my little sum sum or my Glittle his tiki. But there’s just the weird not-right feeling that — yes, it’s my money that I’ve saved - but it came from my parents. So I really just feel like I’m spending my parents money. Which, actually yes I am. But. Gah. I guess I just miss not feeling guilty about spending - bc I know that I earned it and that I ***suffered*** for it lmao

+ Feeling amazing after I journaled and revised my March 2021 journal entry

+ Playing with Caden and everyone in the home; watchijg caden walk circles and explore while we laugh at his antics

+ Reallzing now what makes people old - and that is - when they gotta focus all their attention on their career and bodily health (Aka less on fun and being reckless 😭) I understand now 😭😭😭

4.3.21

“Let it live. But let it live in the past.”

Energy spent trying to remove it from memory and to convince yourself it wasn’t real. Well, it was real for you. And it made you happy. And there’s no denying the butterflies you still get when you revisit it. But there’s also a part of you that is now ready to move on with the idea - that you can have these things. You can enjoy these things and appreciate them. But only from where they exist. And that’s in the past”

Omg my new leather bag from Dan!!! Totally sick

4.4.21

+ G-Littles IG Reveal awwww

The nerves/being on edge about jokes going well lol about RV being “scarred” - also the Psis are really funny wtf lol

4.5.21 + Got $8 from my Plato’s Closet

+ FT w Shawntel being a little weird but that’s also bc it went really late and im just tired lol #Publix?? #Absolutely Not #ForMyHealth

There’s this weird feeling that I can’t seem to shake off. Where… I’m happy bc - looking back I know that ive accomplished so much - and that ive lived out so much and done so much- but I can’t seem to shake off the feeling that Im not as hpy as. I once was> And I think that has a lot to do with the fact that my life is at a stand-still and im kinda left to my own thoughts and my own critiques of where I am in life - and thats constantly replaying in my head. And im at a time where everything that set studying or interviewing or working on apps is hindering my progress and my life. its just a tough spot to be. And I wish I were out of it. Because while im here, I can’t help but feel like the best days of my life are behind me and that everything else is moving on and changing without me. Without my input or participation.

Whitney Houston, Demi Lovato, etc.

“I feel like a star who’s light has dimmed. Like a star that’s run it’s course.”

Everyone is allowed to have different seasons

“This isn’t it” - there’s lots of life and love and projects to be had”

4.6.21

Mayo = Joshs trigger word #CincoDeMayo

Purged & dusted my closet

Found $16 Target gift card from 2006; used it for my eyebrow pencils

Vacuumed mommy’s car

+ Cold Shoulder Ep 3 with LongLee

“It is so important to remember your best days, on your worst ones. -> importance of “Words of Aff” and why I made them; kinda wish I had done them regularly in undergrad when I had tours and asian community and a seemingly endless abundance of affirmation; but I know that I wrote the most important ones down and maybe.. maybe the best ones are the relevant ones. And I probably don’t need to gas myself up more than I need to haha

4.7.21

+ Boba Lounge with LongLee

+ “I’m not going cold or being cynical; I’m just trying not to over romanticize love and the idea of it” —- thank God I went through that. If I had to go through that, I had to go through it. I keep debating with myself if I was someone who “deserved” to have gone through that. But I do. I feel like that’s futile bc it happened anyway. Maybe life had to humble me down and provide me with a more realistic picture of human love and relationship. And now that the filters and fluff are off, I’m realizing that:

I don’t want it lmao

“Remember that Jean Grey’s transformation into the Dark Phoenix happened over time”

4.8.21

string of bad luck just trynna get to Ates gym after dropping off mom. BAD LUCK FTW #HumbleLiving amirite

“Be obsessed with your progress, and not with what you have left”

One part can not be loud enough for the whole thing (earbud problems. Stupid mplow)

+ burned 200 Calotes in under 20 min (and 600 overall at the Cortland 2 Floor Gym! Will most def be back. Haha) - Lo fi while music is definitely the vibe (lets me know Issa time to be productive henny!)

4.8.21

+ Full & Productive azz day

+ “Do you miss being young it hopeful?” - something about Greek probate / reveal videos. Something about being young and having everything waiting in front of you

Not feeling the weight of the real world , or the mundane repetitiveness of the average day

Goal: to have fun and to find youthful hope in my reality as a working adult

4.10

Waiting and wishing so hard for my next thing in life. I’m so tired of feeling like I’m mourning the shadow of a life I once lived. One with excitement, optimism, and memories, progress, growth, and evolution. It wasn’t to a point where I was suicidal or anything, but it was definitely a time in my life where inwas like, “wow. Life is not exciting at all.”

I really really really hope that by next Christmas I allow myself to enjoy the season’s festivities. I hope that- no matter where I am in my paralegal/pre-law school journey, that I can still find a moment to reflect on what’s truly important and how to celebrate the people in my life.

These days, I feel like it’s so hard to just sit still- and to enjoy the moment. Im so wrapped up and obsessed with trying to build my career as my life - and it’s like this constant and endless video that plays in y head of how far I have left and how hard it’s going to be. And I’m always having this voice that tells me how much time is passing and much I’m losing in the meat of it.

But I don’t want that to be the case. I’ve learned that if it wasn’t one thing, jt will be another. And contrary to my own romanticism times before, I’ve always had SOME form of stress to eat away at me. And now that we have bigger responsibilities and bigger things to deal, I want my coping mechanisms and my forms of personal management to be just as healthy and responsible

I’m not a kid anymore. And I don’t want to be. I can’t say I’m 100% adult yet either (even tho I’m 25 lol)— but I still won’t let that sense of displacement shake me. Am I too young? Am I too old? — bEtch maybe I’m both. And today is the day I would like to stop attacking myself and allowing my own fears to make me insecure.

We are going forward. whether we like it or not. Whether how far is up to us. Whether it’s in the direction or way we want, that is also up to yes. Maybe not completely, but. When we make it - one day -

We will know that we will have played a significant role in that success.

PDPsi, CFCY USF, Concordia, SPC/Raving. All of that stuff is behind us now. And we honor it best when we step into the next phase of our life- stronger, Wiser, and more Judsy than ever.

Let’s try a different approach?

Somethings I don’t want to feel rn:

Like I messed things up with S and that it was my fault (and my fault alone) that it ended. And along with it everything that could have been and what made me happy

That everyone’s lives are moving on and changing without me. And that I’m here yet again - wasting time and making progress so small that it doesn’t matter

That I’m fat and out of shape and unlovable

That I’m wasting my potential

That I’ve always been naive about life and too optimistic about a God who could care less about me, bc he doesn’t exist

That it’s up to me to make my own happiness. That happiness is something you convince yourself you have - and not something you genuinely experience

Calling: to take an active and combative role in steering my thoughts and where I slow them to go and make me feel

At the moment, I feel very frozen in my disposition. I’ve been finding lately that I don’t have a lot of regular motivation - LOL. And that it really is my default state to just.... sit in contemplation and comfort. Lol. it’s really only until the last minute when I feel the pressure of time winding down that I really start moving.

But here’s the thing

I wanna start viewing my days as investments again.

I wanna see my days and weeks as tools I sing to build a tomorrow that’s I want to see

I’m not going to stay here forever

And if I pity myself and let fear swallow me alive, I KNOW that’s how I will stay here forever.

And I’m not doing it.

I want to view my days with purpose, investment, and opportunity.

Not as things to just “get through” or be over with. But to really put fort my best. Whatever that looks like

4.11.21 + me feeling a rush from having a new bag and filing “productive and professional” and shiiiii —> feeling like machine; thinking about what Allyson stoner said about being a money-making machine at such a young age and having money generation as the top thing on your mind; “pardon my confusion, but. I thought life was about living - not about money making”

+ would really like to be healthy/hot/fit AF for my next festival (will it be in 2022? EDC? We don’t know. But please have law apps done by then!!! *fingers crossed) + reviewing old paralegal stuff is nice (ordinances, statutes, writing, etc.)

why do I have so much anxiety over how people see me and think of me? Well let me rephrase. Why do I

Maybe it’s something that I feel I actually have control over. Maybe it’s something I’ve always wot I’ve excelled at. Interpersonal skills, meeting with people, creating a bind with them, and perfecting how I come across. Maybe I’m so obsessed with it Bc it’s the only fmaklaor thing that I feel that I have. And maybe it’s time to take healthy steps in alleviating that insecurity

4.12.21

+ First Day going back to weights

contrary to what we might think, the “heavy” weight we put on actually doesnt make us look all that bad. I mean granted, we’re bot as “lean” as we were in Jan and Feb (Aka the onset of “Abs”) BUT- out arms and biceps were starting to look MAD nice after our pump! Haha. Maybe this idea to focus on arms for the next 2 months (and less on eating “Minimal” calories won’t be such a bad idea)

4.13.11

Health Notes: Skin has improved SIGNIFICANTLY from increased and ample water intake (gallon a day) - very smooth and less irrritated

Concerns still: dry hair and uneven skin (even though skin is b soft and smooth)

Ya def add a little eyebrow on top to add more for nights out or Special occasions

5 responses from South America/Philippines story

7 hour lunch catchup w Kyle!!!!! - maybe God showing me that my situation wasn’t all that bad; and that maybe my having lack of conviction from S was actually a blessing (can you imagine howbmichbharderbjtnwoidve been if you were in kyles shoes???? From the outside looking in, she sounded like the perfect MATCH for him. I hope he’s ok. As much as we were laughing and trolling I could tell he was listening in on the parts where I was serious and warning him against falling for someone who doesn’t exist (whomp me and my experience). But anyway it was really nice t catchup w Kyle. Even tho I could feel my social battery lowering throughout, I’m really happy that I have a friend lie Kyle who WANTS to hangout with me and make time to see me and catchup with me. Someone who I have so much history with and was REALLY my first new and close friend at USF. Anyway rooting forward him and his future!!! He’s got his nursing degree in the bag, and I’ve got mine coming soon w law!! To Coachella 2023!!!!!!!! #lol

Dissatisfied with the way I look. Especially my face. I’m kind sad that I don’t see the sharper and more defined face that I saw from July - January. I’m kinda bummed that I feel like all my progress from Pandemic is now gone and that I literally look more or less the same since last year (my insecurities tell me that I’m fatter bc I’m older and/or bc my body rebounding from losing so much weight the first time around). Well either way,

Was really happy with my skin color after my shower! Dare I say.. it looked... smooth? And shiny? But I really wanna help my skin and my face. And make it look less “tired” and worn out. Most of my insecurity about my face come from it being discolored, uneven, dry, and scarred :( (oh, and fat. But I guess that isn’t a skin concern lol)

Things that kinda weight me down rn:

being over Grk life and my quick obsession with it

Not being close to rna

Being fat again and feeling like all my progress is gone

Law school apps, NALA

Feeling like I won’t be excited again the way I was from festivals and 2019 (lol super dumb, I know) - why do I always over romanticize the season I’m not in?

Allergies: actually had a small reaction from black pepper, skin is red and irritated (like purply) and sensitive. Like the usual burning sensation. I also have a headache and wonder if that could be from allergies? But also could be from needing water?

4.14.21

Health/Appearance: Low Taper Fade with Triangular bush-up; how to grow out hair evenly again?

Aino Men’s Fashion ideas (pero unfollowed on IG bc it didn’t give me anything on the regular LOL)

New shampoo!

Revamp overnight routine! Started with Cera Ve overnight cream, but would also like to start eye cream

“What if you had a choice to choose what reality you lived in?”

What if, this singular plane of existence, IS the multiverse. It is a multiverse - simply foe the fact that it is comprised of different realities - in the minds of millions of people.

“What if you had a choice? What if you had that power?” What if you saw it? What if you used it?”

“I choose to live in THAT one”

4.16.21

+ feeling persistent waves of happiness and relief and pride and joy #NALA #Alowingyourself just to feel good

+ feeling myself after my haircut #Brows #ChapstickLips #SilverGrayOutfit #BodyOdy

Cool Airbnb and vacay vibes!!!!! ✌🏽

Lil & Glil bonding and partying it up 🥺💙

2021: The Year that I ... found a greater appreciation for my time as a Greek in undergrad and for all that it’s brought me after. Closer friendships with Josh, Calvin, and Thomas. A greater understanding and deeper bond w Greek friends, and my little and GLil! I think through Derick picking up Harvey, I found yet another appreciation of my time in PDP and how much I made out of undergrad. After everything and looking back, I really don’t regret making that last minute decision to go to rush and pledging/crossing when I crossed. I wouldn’t have the lineage I do now without it, and so if that isn’t a reason to trust Gods timing and how much meaning He can bring to your situation then idk what

4.17.21 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CADEN!!!!!!!!!

Honestly, im having so much time just being here with family. Relaxing, enjoying the vacation vibes - laughing, eating, not being compressed by a time or pressure to be anywhere. Just - being! lol. I wonder if this is how God meant for people to live once in a while (hashtag Sundays?) Also anyway, can we just. Talk about how cool this house and backyard is?????? Qorl. 4 Playstations, a themed rooms, a TV in each one, a bomb jazz backyard. Like uhm??. AND. EVERYONE gets a bathroom. Im like— !!!!! UHM? lol. wow. Like this is a vacay home. Enjoying the mf pool and the bomb jazz backyard! LIKE WOW RICH. I felt so bougie and relaxed and on a high from enjoying the sun lol. Being on instagram, enjoying people’s reactions from my WAP video, out wholesome story about Caden’s duck pool party….. I felt such a swelling of happiness and joy that Caden/everyone had so much fun from the Ducy pool!!!! aww. WORTH EVERY CENT, TBH. And Caden can share it with Liana!

Frustration and annoyance w having to deal with the company of the sm*hs. are they hard to work with, yes. Does it make loving them hard, yes.

But I think. When we think about the world and much God actually loves, and how there are many reasons why it shouldn’t work in our favor - and yet it still does, we should operate from a place of gratitude. And being grateful is serving as an extension of His grace. That is the challenge and that is the stuff of life, isn’t it

+ Sirius XM radio is IT henny

Soul cycle radio and their top 40 trap top 40 and throwback hits??? WOw

Happy Baptism Caden!!!!

Caden’s Baby Raddle Rosary was a success!!!!!! #daww

Enjoyed backyard and vacation vibes once again!

Green lizard 🤢🤢 #TitoToTheRescue

Mickey Ice cream with ate Lee #MickeysSyrawBERRYgoodicecream

lowkey highkey burned myself

LOVING my face and my nose and my eyebrows and my cheekbones. Even though I KNOW I’m getting rounder and putting on more weight from my diet, I still love how I look and how I’m “rocking” the petite and chonky aesthetic

Going to start dieting and working out again for May!

I have a lot to be thankful for, Dont i?

I really can’t believe how fast he’s learning and growing and HOW CUTEEEEE HE ISSSS

Pa Cute

Ash Whole

Toll toll TIKA

body parts: beautiful eyes, tongue, hands, feet, tummy etc

Is it selfish of me to be fulfilled in every way in the sense of my family, but am never satisfied in terms of feeling lonely?

“Is this not enough to convince you that I love you? And mean every ounce of joy for you? In the way that I had always dreamed and intended?”

I doubt the idea of what Gods image of joy is for me a lot, simply bc I’ve been hurt. And I’ve been discouraged from trying to convince myself that I like Gods idea of joy for me. And sometimes I’m just not convinced.

“Why was I made to disobey you?” /// “You were made to choose me from Grace.”

Pinky Analogy - shower door handle - could not by itself open the shower door. Questioning the ability of my kinky and why it could bot - by itself - enact what I needed it to do in that moment. And by the time I have it 4 seconds of angry thought, I came to the realization: is this fair ?

I thought about how much expectations I placed into this one singe part of my bday - one that is (to my knowledge) fully able - and completely placing all of my anger on this one pinky - not even considering how my arm was angled, where I was pulling from, if I had even the right part of the handle TO pull. This brought me to the realization that: we do that all the time I’m society. Ensuring that everyone recognizes the power of their presence and role - and to not blame things on one particular thing. Maybe it’s time we stop placing the weight of a community on an individual- maybe we ought to refrain from .. what SHOULD be the weight and responsibility of a community. One that is healthy vibrant and functioning. (Br

Grace depends on what we do based on what we know. In times when we KNOW something is off, and can recognize our role in it, that is when we can be loving instruments. Instruments of Grace, forgiveness, and patience

officially weigh 180 :( LMFAO * as of 4/20 evening • I feel very guilty for gaining weight and having erased all my progress from the past 4 months. BUT if anything: im also hoping top use this time to experiment and focus on biceps, chests, and thighs --- I wanna see if doing more weights will improve my appearance more than doing mostly cardio!!!!!

Although I’ve lowkey been feeling my “thick” aesthetic, i dont want to wait until i get to appoint where i absolutely loath the image i see in the mirror. BUT at the same time I wanna get a head-start on being the healthiest version of me again! Im happy that vacation time has really given me a time to relax and to enjoy and to indulge! But now its time to get back on the other season of life - which is to find balance and grind and to fill myself with motivation!

ALSO I AM 175/180 AS OF APRIL 20TH OMG WTF

Maybe we need not weigh ourselves down by everything we’ve done in the past.

Maybe we are allowed to move on- free of any expectations that we might’ve set for ourselves and what our lives should look like by now

I wonder what would life would look like without my worries. I wonder what life what feel like free

4.21.21

I hate it when I dip into my lows.

I hate it... when I feel like all my motivation has run out. And.. when all my doubts kinda sneak up on me and attack me all at once. Like it’s been waiting until I’m tired and worn out to pounce.

I hate feeling like all my best days are behind me, and that there’s nothing else that will give me the excitement and feelings of importance i once had before. I hate seeing what others are currently doing (or have already done) in the undergrad years and comparing it to mine - a journey that I thought was so fitting and perfect and FULL- only to now feel like my story isn’t going anywhere anymore and that my story wasn’t all that great , and that I could’ve a lot more make my undergrad experience even BETTER (at least professionally).

(S hall of fame, that lambda Hal of fame, Vitoria yang 25 under 25)

I hate having this same story of worry, dread, guilt, and fear.

I hate whenever I feel like I’m “dumb” for having hope that I’ll get into Nova or anyother law school out there, and I hate feeling like people will look down on me for wanting this the past 3 years- yet still amounting to nothing.

I hate when I convince myself that every victory I’ve had so far in my post-grad journey doesnt matter.

I hate feeling like my story isn’t going anywhere soon.

I hate having to put a name to all of the anxiety in my head and all of the weight in my heart.

I hate that I fear that I will never make my parents or my siblings proud - and that I won’t be able to give back to them in the same way that have endlessly done so for me.

I hate that I feel like I’m never growing up (at least — not in the way I shoul have been right now)z

I hate that this has robbed me of time, confidence, and gratitude. I hate that it robs me of joy, and I hate that I feel like less of myself whenever I’m in pain bc of these doubts.

I hope to look back on all of this and to smile and to be proud of a Judsy that never gave up.

Paralegal Career

So in my current regime of YouTube playlists, I have lots of things: self-improvement videos, the View, Social experiments, fitness and cooking videos, Relationship advice, EDM, Zach Campbell music reviews, etc. And most esp right now is the Paralegal Career advice ones!

4.22.21

+ Overall, getting better at being more straight to the point and less wordy; I recognize now how truly TIRING it is to have to look at a huge chunk of passage and feeling compelled to read all of it(unless its like super interesting). getting straight tot the point is actually a very important thing and it’s actually very professional and efficient. As a potential future lawyer (or any kind of legal professional) in the future, this is something that I want to practice and perfect as time goes on

+ Got 65 wpm on typingtest.com #yey lol

Feel so weighed down by living at home!!!!

Let me put the disclaimer up front: that I love my life at home and I love my family

But I can’t express enough how - it is SO effing hard to set boundaries and a pace for yourself A when you SHARE that space and schedule with other people. ESP your family!

Conversation of

I pride myself on being a joyful person and a a an optimistic one (by default). But lately the conversations that I’ve been having in my head is: Who am I when I’m not that? And will people still want to be around me when I’m not that?

Skin being irritated and not happy w me - confidence going down and feeling all my efforts are to waste

But I dnt want my confidence and my ego to be so MF fragile!!! Like ugh

Talk about tree of knowledge

omg Thomas tea (but I’m really happy we talked 🥺) it’s been so long since we genuinely caught up and it was really nice to have that with lammy again

“Where is my reward” - Shawntel

4.24.21

+ Beach Day for TD Bday

+ Mortal Kombat with the Calotes & Smiths and Long

+ Putting Caden to sleep after dad was having trouble

+ FT w Little

4.25.21

I don’t want you to feel bad.

I think that this is a time about accountability? Not feeling bad. I don’t think much good can come from placing your mental default at sad. And discouraged.

I think what recognize how important these next few months are going to actually be, and I think that we’re realizing how much we actually don’t want to drop the ball on this.

Action & accountability. This is going to be the mental state that is going to drive us from May into June.

Also looking forward to Dose #2 on Friday!

Sometimes I feel lonely, and I think that’s ok. Sometimes .. sometimes you have to remind yourself that not every waking moment needs to feel like a perfect high or a smooth movie. Haha I think I often forget that’s normal

“When will you give yourself peace?”

I think there comes a point where you HAVE to be ok with what you can give. Like... that’s the most destructive part of being a perfectionist isn’t it? Like... hat feeling of wherever you do or whatever you put forward- HAS to be perfect and it HAS to be flawless

And as much as that offers a lot of drive and inspiration for you along the way, I think there comes a point where you have to be ok with the occasional limitation and how that affects your performance. Like girl

Sometimes you just gotta do it.

And so I’m proud of you today. I know that you’ve been feeling down a lot about your body and all the obstacles that stand in the way of you working out as much as frequently as you used to. And how all the birthdays and fun festivities have been making you feel like you haven’t been studying or working on applications and doing anything productive, really.

But babe, celebrating life is productive.. celebratory your family is Productive

So be gentle. don’t beat yourself up for having lost time. God replaces what has been lost, and you most certainly have all that much time to improve and to grow and to be on the right track

Embrace every moment as it comes, and remember that right now is a time of accountability not punishing or belittling yourself.

Being harder on yourself than life is not going to make life any lighter.

It’s all about action, accountability, peace, and acceptance.

I’m proud of you. Those 500 calories burnt on the treadmill were FIRE as all Fuq. And you look good while doing it.

Have fun at universal with the Vus tomorrow :)

4.26.21

vent to cam about being sick and tired of such a “meh” season in my life

Happy I got to see the development of the Velocicoaster today :’) - I CANT WAIT TO RIDE IT ONE DAY

Happy I got to see Caden and laugh and play w him today. He is getting so effing bug (like - a REAL adult sized toddler boy!) and my heart can’t take how sweet and smart he is :’(

Looking forward to the days when I know I’ve been accepted to law school. And knowing that my life will have a set direction again. I feel like it will be such a sweet peace. And tbh I can’t wait to wild out and to celebrate all my tears and worry and freedom from all this old fcking anxiety

Thinking about how the things I say about P*lina echoes advice that I ought to listen to as well: Your trauma is not your fault, but your healing is.

Maybe it’s time to start waking up at 7 and giving myself more time to do/fit more into my day! — ESP if I feel that family/mom is a large distractor of those things

“An artist sometimes never gets to choose how their day goes. But, for the sake of people’s enjoyment and foe the fulfillment of that artist soul — they grind through it. They make a way. And somehow they make it work”

4.28.21

uhm. Why tf am I not on the website? I understand if I were a volunteer or whatever, but the fact that im on the actual board and am actually putting in time for this and submitting things - and I don’t even get a formal recognition on the website? Like not even a picture? ok.

0 notes

joyofkinoko · 2 years

Text

Killing has always been easy for the renowned assassin known as Ni-ki, but his latest target is the crime boss of rival mafia “I-Land”. And well, his daughter is cute.

.: 14.6k words .:. female reader .:. friends to lovers .:. fluff, action, hurt/comfort :.

.: tw: implied physical violence, gang violence, gun violence, character death :.

.: masterlist .:. belift underground :.

He’s just a kid. Soft little eyes and chubby bunny cheeks.

A ruthless and renowned assassin, born and bred for murder.

Raised to never hesitate.

Picked from a bunch of orphans as the one with the highest potential. “I bet this one’ll be good at murder,” he thinks they must’ve said.

He was only eight.

He was only eight when he got up and left all that he knew for what he thought would be a better life. He was only eight when he began his practice into martial arts, exercising and practising and fighting, all in training to become a killer. He was only a few years older when they first gave him a gun.

And yet, here he was, at the peak of his teens and already a seasoned veteran in the field of assassination and murder. And here he was, standing, shaking, a gun pointed at the head of his target, stopping himself from pulling the trigger simply because, well, your voice was stuck in his head. There wasn’t a particular phrase or word stuck in his head either.

It was just your laugh.

It was your smile, your eyes, and the way they crinkled when you laughed.

He doesn’t shoot.

He can’t.

Maybe Jay was right, he thinks to himself. Maybe Jay was right in telling him that, at the end of the day, no matter how successful he is in this… field, it doesn’t change that he’s still a kid.

“You’re a kid, Ni-ki,” he had pointed out. “You like bingeing fast food and dying your hair, and Sunghoon buys you Lego sets every year for your birthday, and you get angry in this immature, prepubescent way that is unique to kids. Sure, yes, this job ages us fast. But just like every other teenage boy, you have the capacity to cry yourself to sleep and make mistakes and… I don’t know… Fall in love.”

Ni-ki had only laughed in response back then. “Have you fallen in love then?”

Flustered, Jay stammers in reply, “I-I’m married to my job. Besides, that wasn’t even my point!”

“Then what was your point?” Ni-ki retorts. “Talking about being a teen as if you didn’t only turn twenty last year.”

Jay made a face towards his junior’s cynical response. “Which is why I know so well how a kid like you can be. Don’t forget that we all watched you grow up.”

Of course they all watched him grow up.

He was only eight.

That conversation with Jay was only the start to his mission in Japan, the night before Ni-ki was supposed to infiltrate a high school dance team, of all places. Jay was sent as the mission’s weapons expert, aiding in communications and surveillance as well since they didn’t want to bring a large team that could lead to garnering unwanted attention. Naturally, however, Jay was barely briefing Ni-ki on the actual details of the mission, instead providing tips for how to be a normal high school student (though Ni-ki didn’t ask).

It wasn’t new to Ni-ki to have to pretend to be someone else on his undercover missions. On one of his earliest missions, he made the ‘mistake’ of getting attached to someone he’d befriended to reach his target. In essence, he learned at twelve that it’s not wise to get too close. Emotions and relationships aren’t worth the risk of his responsibilities.

However, this dance team in particular required him to properly meet and befriend people his own age, which quite honestly was the first time he’d have to deal with something like this. Especially when this was a long term undercover job. He was expected to make false connections and sneak around and lie to people he’d have to see weekly for months. People who were his age but lived normal lives, never having seen a dead body in their years. People who were kids in the way Jay described.

People like you.

The daughter of the leader of Belift Underground’s rival mafia, I-Land.

I-Land was so out of reach to the Belift Underground that their location, or goals, or targets were unknown. All that pretty much anyone knew of this Japanese gang was that you, rich and intelligent and influential as you are, were related by blood to the leader of I-land himself. And Ni-ki, Belift’s youngest and best, was in charge of putting his crimes to an end.

“Why do we even have to bother with the yakuza? Shouldn’t we be sticking our noses into more Korean mafias?” Ni-ki complained. “Or the Swedish guys that Jake dealt with last month? ...Sir?”

“Don’t ask me,” JK, his direct supervisor who was in charge of all undercover and assassination missions, shrugged.

“But you told me to come to you with any questions I had,” Ni-ki responded, earning an eyebrow arch from his boss. “Sir.”

The older man sighed, tattooed arm running through his dark locks. “Yeah, but I have my own boss. RM tells me what needs to be done and I pick the best guys to deliver the job. Are you my best guy?”

Ni-ki blinked. “Yes?”

“Say it with more confidence, kid.”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.”

And that was that.

Ni-ki rarely felt nervous, but after getting dropped off by Jay and facing the front gates of a regular high school, he felt his heart drop.

“She’s part of the dance team of her high school. They meet on Tuesdays and Fridays,” Jay had briefed him. “It’s probably the best way to get to know her since we can’t guarantee you’ll have similar schedules.”

Had this been an infiltration in a Korean high school, Belift would have had the influence to make the transition smooth for Ni-ki; however that isn’t the case in a Japanese territory. Not that that was Ni-ki’s concern.

“Dude, I can’t dance,” Ni-ki frowns, anxiety on this mission quickly growing. And to that, Jay starts trying his own hand at dancing, grooving his body awkwardly to a melody that they can’t hear and the two laugh and laugh like young boys do.

And while dancing itself was already going to be a struggle for him, the idea of high school, period, was daunting. He was supposed to be a new student, Riki, who was previously homeschooled - a cover story that Ni-ki hoped would account for his lack of the expected boyish social skills.

All things considered, keeping up the act went alright throughout his first day. Being homeschooled was such a fantastic excuse for all things having to do with writing notes and where to sit during lunch period and how to navigate a three-floor building. Maybe it worked so well because it was barely an act - what with his genuine confusion and admiration for all things he’d observed.

Ni-ki’s not an idiot.

He’s seen movies about high school, and Jay and the other boys who knew what regular high school was like helped prep him. But seeing it all in person, experiencing it all in person could never hope to compare to simple descriptions of it. The whole thing is overwhelming, sure, but it’s bright and hopeful (at least compared to the world he knows).

“Keep your head on the mission,” JK reminds him that night during an update call, after Ni-ki accidentally finds himself rambling about all the things he learned and saw on his first day.

And naturally, Ni-ki answered, “Of course, sir.”

It’s the next day that he finally gets his first opportunity to meet you, and while he doesn’t know it yet, he certainly knows now that that moment is the reason why he ends up in the worst position of his life.

The first thing he notes about you is that you look pretty in your casual rehearsal outfit, especially as opposed to the simple burgundy uniforms the students wear otherwise. With your hair up in a clean ponytail and eyes looking sharp as ever, Ni-ki appreciates your neat and eager look. You immediately seemed to glow compared to the others in the room, and you did so without trying too hard. Even by just looking at you, he has deduced how much dancing means to you, and he thinks it’s nice.

But of course, this thought alarms him, for why would his first thought at spotting his target be that she looks pretty.

Regardless, the second thing he notes about you is your agreeableness. You are kind and welcoming, annoyingly so. You weren’t the leader of the dance team and yet you were the first to stand by his side and help him through the motions of his first rehearsal.

“My brother told me to join a club so I can make friends,” he said, citing the homeschooled history as his excuse once again. “Is that weird?

You smiled brightly back at him. “Absolutely not! I joined this club because I didn’t have friends either.”

Ni-ki nods in thought. “Do you have friends now then?”

You look taken aback, quickly covering your reaction up with a smile. “Of course.”

“Did you transfer like me too?” Ni-ki follows up with another question, knowing full well already what your answer will be.

You shrug nonchalantly. “I’ve lived in this area for my whole life, but I’ve always been quiet so I never knew anybody more than just an acquaintance.” And though the first half of your answer was what he was expecting, it’s the second, more personal admittance that gives him a better grasp at understanding you. “But nonetheless, you should let your brother know he was right, because at the very least, you’ve made one friend in me!”

He’d found your optimism incredibly cheesy at first, but even within the single hour of dancing you spent together, he realises you meant what you said. You proved yourself in your advice and cheers, but, as he’d come to realise, you also proved yourself within the following months of your blooming friendship.

“Don’t worry about falling behind, by the way,” you had assured him on his first day. “Most of the students here aren’t professionals either.”

“Are you?” He asks, though he’d already noted the answer from memorising your profile.

“I’ve been going to ballet lessons since I was four,” you answered with a smile. “But we mostly do hip-hop here, which is not my forte, so who knows? Maybe you’ll end up better than me.”

Ni-ki notes, though, that despite your kindness, none of the other club members seemed too close with you. He makes a mental note to learn why when in his perspective, you were wonderful. You weren’t too loud or too quiet, but you were helpful in your own way, complimenting him and cheering him on as he tried and failed and tried again on dance moves he wasn’t used to.

“Riki, I honestly think you might be a bit of a natural!” Your eyes were filled with a new kind of wonder he doesn’t think he’s ever seen in someone’s face.

Unable to stop the quick reddening of his cheeks, Ni-ki smiles sheepishly. “Ah, thanks, but I couldn’t have picked the moves up without your help so-”

“Don’t sell yourself short! You have amazing isolation and a great sense of rhythm,” you interrupted him with genuine appreciation, if only to stop the self-depreciating talk. “With time, you’ll probably be the one teaching me.”

And if he was allowed to admit it, Ni-ki fell in love with dancing within those single sixty minutes of a class. Maybe it was because it was the first time he’d properly listened to music outside of the Belift Lab Club & Casino where the mafia’s headquarters were housed. Maybe it was the potential to choose and move and freestyle according to his own desires and choices rather than according to someone else’s orders.

Maybe it was you.

And when the boy got back to his temporary apartment that night, Jay burst out laughing from Ni-ki’s retellings of his first time with the dance team. “So, you’re a natural dancer, huh?” And while Ni-ki kind of agrees with the statement, he hides his embarrassment by jokingly punching Jay in the shoulder. “At least she seems nice. It’ll be easy to get into her inner circle from there.” It’s a statement that, surprisingly, Ni-ki finds hard to swallow though his role and responsibility here has always been known to him.

In the weeks leading up to this mission, Ni-ki had made several assumptions as to what kind of person you might be like. Rich and haughty were the initial assumptions, though the words mysterious and tough were also thrown out there. Your nickname was Kitty for god’s sake; something to do with your cat-like meekness and beauty. Why wouldn’t he expect you to be a bit ditzy and annoying and rude?

The daughter of a mafia leader would naturally be expected to be someone trained to inherit the business, no?

After all, that’s what he saw in Yang Jungwon, his own best friend and son to the godfather of Belift, RM. Sure, Jungwon wasn’t haughty or rough, but he was raised and seasoned to surpass even his own father’s legacy.

So why were you so different?

So happy and hospitable even on the first day of meeting this stranger at school?

With the kindest personality and the cheeriest laughter, Ni-ki was soon enough enamoured by all that you did. To think that the greatest enigma he’d yet encountered in the world was a young dancer with pretty eyes.

Despite memorising your profile inside and out, Ni-ki could not have been less prepared for what meeting you in person would actually be like. Your profile may have had details and facts upon facts about your life and your experiences, but it said nothing about who you truly were. And at the end of the day, the mission was to get close and Ni-ki was thrown off.

Jay was right.

He was just a kid and in the months that he grew to know you, really know you, he found that he did not mind.

The other members of your dance team were just as kind and welcoming, if not a little rambunctious for his taste. The leader, a jovial hip-hop dancer named Taki, was particularly outgoing, almost reminding Ni-ki of the way the older guys at Belift joke around with one another. He, along with the other members, like Shotaro and Hikaru, were passionate and always excited stepping into the rehearsal space, all naturals at freestyling and you went along as well.

It’s Taki’s nonchalant admission that Ni-ki learns why they never got too close with you before he came into the picture. “She’s a nice girl,” he’d described one afternoon to him. “And a great dancer. But everyone knows who her dad is, and well, who wants to be friends with a yakuza girl?”

Ni-ki feigned agreement. “I guess I did hear about that in rumours.”

Taki shrugged. “But seeing her befriend you kinda helped her come out of her shell more. She’s a lot less scary when she’s laughing because of you, so I’m glad you joined Riki. I’m glad you can be my friend too.”

As Ni-ki comes to the realisation that your public association with I-land is what isolated you from the world, he also comes to see that you had some inkling of a family here with the dance team. Probably more than the one at home, if Ni-ki’s own experience with mafia families is common in the industry.

A family with the dance team that was not unlike his family with the young boys of Belift. A family with the dance team that he was beginning to become a part of as well.

Over the next few weeks, Ni-ki grew closer, spending his lunch hours with you and even sitting together during Physics, which, as luck would have it, is your only class together. After a certain point, he even starts joining you and the other dancers when hanging out after rehearsals or just grabbing lunch on the weekends.

“Riki! What are your thoughts on ice cream?” You asked him one day during Physics. Sat all the way in the back corner of the room, talking during class became a frequent habit. Very often are you two found doodling all over one another’s workbooks, whispering and giggling about the silliest things without a damn clue what a damn inertia is.

“Um, good?” Ni-ki replied with uncertainty considering the random nature of the question. “I have good opinions on ice cream. Who doesn’t?”

“The lactose intolerant probably,” you answer, earning stifled laughter from the boy in a horrid attempt to stay quiet during class. “But anyways, what are your thoughts on ice cream with... me?” And wow, does Ni-ki’s heart beat much more effectively than before. “A few of the dancers on the team go for ice cream after rehearsals all the time, but I never get to go cause my parents can be strict except for, like, once a month and today is my once-a-month opportunity to go, but I feel like it’d be awkward if I go join the others alone, so I was kinda hoping, if it’s okay- God! I’m rambling, aren’t I? The point is-”

“I’d love to go with you,” Ni-ki smiles, and he doesn’t know it, but your heart starts beating a little faster than it used to as well.

This ice cream proposal is also the first time you bring up your parents in conversation with Ni-ki. The idea of you having a mother is interesting to him, and he makes sure to let Jay know that the I-land boss has a wife, but other than that, he cheers up in knowing that he’s begun to gain your trust.

Trust that he knew he’d have to betray one day.

But that day is not today yet.

So in the spirit of ice cream and living in the moment, Ni-ki brushes all pessimistic thoughts aside, heart giddy at the idea of grabbing ice cream with all his new friends after going to a rehearsal for a dance team he’d joined at a real high school.

Heart giddy with you.

“I’ll get the… chocolate swirl,” you ordered with a smile. Turning over to Ni-ki with a questioning look, you motion towards the counter so he can order too.

“Right, uh, mint chocolate?”

You make a face of disgust. “Really? You’re a mint chocolate boy?”

If Ni-ki was being honest, he’d never had the opportunity to expand his ice cream flavour palate outside of the regular old vanilla or chocolate. Today was his first time at a proper ice cream place and mint chocolate just happened to be the first thing he read aloud on the menu. “Why? Are you not much of a fan?”

“Not really. I think it kinda tastes like toothpaste, but to each their own!” Your smile made things all the better. “You deserve to like whatever you want.”

Ni-ki has never been told that.

In fact, he cries himself to sleep that night.

He cries himself to sleep for the first time since he was maybe 13, and he does so because he’s never felt so free in his life, so young and so innocent. So young and so innocent that his hour or two out with you and the dance team makes him cry himself to sleep out of joy and gratefulness and regret.

And when his order of mint chocolate ice cream arrived, he really did love it. Maybe it’ll be his new go-to flavour, even. Even assassins get to have guilty pleasures and self-indulgences, right?

And when it comes to guilty pleasures, you became his top vice. Along with video games, which, by the way, your Silver rank on Valorant was not included in your profile and if Ni-ki was being honest, seeing your skills on a video game that he was so desperately obsessed with was probably his final straw before completely falling off the deep end with you.

There was a night a few years ago when Jay brought their rowdy group of boys from Belift together into his apartment at Belift Lab, insisting that they all start a video game night together so that they can all cherish a few hours of regular boyish activities every week. Of course, as time went by and as everyone got busier, the sessions no longer became as frequent. However, Ni-ki (and Sunoo, the little addict) kept up his venture into the video game world as a consumer, and well, getting to play with you almost made him wanna die.

“Kitty, if you don’t ace this for us,” Ni-ki jokingly warned over their call after he died within the first half minute of the round.

“Riki, darling, are you doubting me?” You teased.

You don’t have a single clue what calling him ‘darling’ does to his heart. “Oh, how could I ever, Kitty dear.”

He doesn’t have a single clue what being called ‘dear’ does to your heart. “And I don’t doubt you in return.”

It sounds silly, but that was probably the moment he properly recognized what he felt for you. His feelings for you didn’t feel guilty anymore. He just liked you and that was that. Ni-ki went to sleep that night with a smile on his face, and jumped up bright and early in the morning all excited for school. He started putting Jay’s products in his hair to look cleaner and started practising choreographies late into the night to impress you at rehearsal.

He started forgetting why he was really there at all, but he still knew, of course.

Ni-ki, at the end of the day, is one of Belift’s most professional and most successful killers, but he doesn’t have to be a killer right now.

He has time.

He can stall.

Ni-ki doesn’t only find himself enchanted by your kindness and your laughter, but he also finds himself doubly enchanted with the world you introduce him to. Kids like him never get a chance at a proper childhood and a proper introduction to the world as a place that can be wondrous and colourful. The world from his perspective is filled with darkness and secrecy and dirty work. The things in the world considered revolting by the general public are his normalcy, and you became his breath of fresh air.

Ni-ki hasn’t said it aloud yet, but seeing his good friend Kim Sunoo find happiness outside of Belift really made him jealous. To be released from the darkness and dread of the underground must have felt so freeing and fulfilling. Kim Sunoo might never get back the years he gave to Belift, but at the very least, he has the rest of his life from now on to be his own person and see the world the way the rest sees it.

“Complete the mission cleanly. Understood?” JK says.

“Yes, sir,” Ni-ki replies.

Ni-ki executes.

Ni-ki gets a pat on the head, a roof over his head, a payment, and the cycle repeats.

Nothing new in years until you.

Even in the littlest things.

Like the time you’d taken him on a city bus for the first time. As expected, it was dusty and awkward and, in general, an experience he wished he never had. But with you, and in coming to recognize that this was the world that other kids were used to, he found himself enjoying it.

“We should go downtown this afternoon,” you had said during a particularly boring Physics lecture.

“What?” Ni-ki replied in surprise. “I thought your parents always wanted you home quick.”

You shrugged in response, tugging at your backpack straps and at once, Ni-ki recognized it wasn’t something you were ready to talk about yet. “Who cares what they think? We can go take a bus.”

And god, was that horrendous. From being unfamiliar with how to pay the bus fees to getting lost in the city of Tokyo to learning just how much Ni-ki loved local street food, you experienced just about everything together that day.

At a certain point, the bus abruptly stopped after an unexpected red light caught the driver off guard, and you, stood awkwardly amongst other standing, sweaty bodies in the bity bus, lost your balance and found yourself face-planting right into Ni-ki’s chest. Instinctively, Ni-ki’s free hand rests itself on the small of your back, holding you close and not letting go until after the bus reached your stop. You didn’t realise until just then just how tall he really is.

“Are you okay Kitty?”

You nod, too embarrassed to look up at him. “Just a little rattled,” you admit quietly, hoping he didn’t hear you with all the noise coming from the other passengers and the bus engines itself. “But I’m alright! Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve lost balance on a bus.”

“Guess I’ll have to be with you every time you bus from now on then,” and though his response is certainly cheesy and charming in all the right ways that JK would be proud of his undercover work, Ni-ki found himself meaning every word of it.

And when you begin showing Ni-ki around to all the different stores and street stalls, you’re confused at first, because your Riki should already be familiar with Japanese culture. Too amused by his excitement and wonder, however, you push the thought aside and continue indulging his curiosity anyway.

Ni-ki knew Tokyo was beautiful. He’d seen it in pictures before, and there was a point in his youth during which he’d found out that he was a Japanese orphan transferred to the Korean system and started reading up on the country. In a world in which Ni-ki was not an orphan and not an assassin, Tokyo would have been the place he called home. And if fate was in his favour, maybe he would have met you anyways.

But alas, not all of his Tokyo trip was filled with cute snippets of his friendship with you. He was, after all, undercover as a student. A student who had assignments and projects and exams just like any other, and while Ni-ki had originally planned on just barely getting by with passing marks, his interest in you, an honour student, influenced him well into studying eagerly.

“So, why exactly are you studying again?” Jay asked as he fiddled with unloaded bullets in a bag.

“Because I have a physics exam tomorrow,” Ni-ki repeated his answer, annoyed with Jay’s third interruption of his flashcard-making session.

“Yeah, but like, for what?” Jay rolls his eyes.

The younger boy pauses for a second, looking up with a deadpan. “For a good grade.”

“You know you’re not making it to graduation, right? What’s the point?” Jay asks, probing further without much thought.

Ni-ki tsked, slamming his book shut and getting up from his seat on the couch with a sigh. “Kitty’s an honour student,” and though Jay arches a suspicious eyebrow at the answer, Ni-ki continues justifying himself. “I figured that if I was an idiot, she’d probably like me less, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go in my room.”

And just as he’s about to shut the bedroom door close behind him, Jay says one last thing before letting him go. “I’m happy you get to be a teen, Ni-ki. Enjoy it while it lasts.”

The words resonate with Ni-ki, though he tries to pretend it doesn’t affect him. His mind tries to justify his actions - that he’s just a… particularly efficient undercover agent. But it’s not as if he can help it.

He likes you.

Far more than he should considering his plans for you and your family.

And as he scribbles through another set of confusing Physics equations in a failing attempt to distract himself, his phone rings and lights up with your name. Though you’ve always had one another’s numbers, it’s the first time you’ve called him unprompted and quite late in the night and Ni-ki swears that his heart has never beat so loud in his chest.

“Hey Kitty,” Ni-ki squeaks out after picking up the call, having held his breath in worry.

“Riki! Hey!” Your voice is so bright. “I was just, um, wondering if you got the answer for question twelve? From Chapter 4 in the workbook?”

Flipping quickly through the pages in front of him, Ni-ki reaches the page and finds that he can’t help but smile to himself. “On page 53?”

“Mhmm!”

“Kitty… There are only seven questions here.”

You giggle from the other side of the call and it almost breaks the young boy. “Yeah, I’m not studying. I just wanted to talk to you.” Ni-ki’s heart skips a beat. “But it seems like you are. Lame!”

“How are you an honour student again?” Ni-ki asks teasingly, leaning back in his chair and dropping his pen, preparing to spend the rest of the night talking only to you.

“I think I do well enough in my other classes that it balances out,” you shrug. Unbeknownst to Ni-ki, you had been trying to study too. It just isn’t seeming to work tonight; not without Ni-ki there with you.

Or rather, as you know him, Riki.

By his suggestion and encouragement, the two of you stay on the call, focusing on your studies and workbook questions while occasionally asking the other for clarification. He’s a good influence on you, just as he’s noted how wonderful an influence you are on him. Helping you pass a small little unit test for a grade in a class you might not even need in the grand scheme of your academic career is really just the least he can do considering all that you’ve done for him.

And considering all that he’ll do to you soon enough.

You sit in relative silence together for a good hour or so, your low mumbles, pencil scratches, and page turns becoming Ni-ki’s only background music. He’s never had the chance to attend any proper classes or be taught anything outside of the necessary information he needs for his job. He’s never had classmates or textbooks or group projects. And now he has all of that with you.

It’s when he hears a deep and exaggerated sigh coming from your end of the call that Ni-ki snaps out of his studying zone, smiling to himself at your attempt to subtly ask for his attention. “You doing alright over there?”

He envisions you shaking your head ‘no’ the way you so often do by habit. “Nopity nope! What are your thoughts on taking a break?”

“I mean, I could use a couple minutes to just sit here I guess,” Ni-ki responds.

“Damn, just a couple minutes?” You pout. “Talk with me for a little while longer!”

“We’re already talking,” he teases, scrunching his nose with the way his cheeks are beginning to hurt. You are just so endearing and so warm.

“But like, I want to actually talk with you.” You stumble through your words, your volume and tone noticeably fading into more hesitance.

“About what?”

You sigh. “Well, we’ve hung out a lot but you haven’t actually told me that much about yourself. Can I ask?”

“Ask away.”

“Um, shoot, I don’t know,” you stifle your laughter, not realising you would get this far with your initial question. From your perspective, Ni-ki always seemed so secretive and quiet. You’d helped him break out of his shell, and yet after all this time, you still felt like there was still so much to learn about the boy you’d come to really like. “Tell me about your childhood.”

And though it’s quite a stressful question, Ni-ki doesn’t feel nervous at all in answering. Maybe it has something to do with the way he’s come to know you.

You, who are loyal.

You, who are trusting.

You, who are accepting.

He can’t help but laugh a little at himself, because what a truly strange and once-in-a-lifetime predicament. A dilemma that, to any other would be a difficult choice, and yet, with the image of you in mind, waiting at your desk in your bedroom on the other side of the phone call, he answers honestly and without hesitation.

“I was adopted,” Ni-ki starts. “I was old enough to remember what life was like at the orphanage, and when I was adopted, the rest of my life began.”

Adopted… Hm. “Did you like the orphanage then?”

“We were treated alright,” Ni-ki answers. “I guess I do miss some of the other kids I knew back then, but I’m sure they’re all with good families now.”

“Is your family nice?” You asked in sincere curiosity.

Ni-ki sighs, his thoughts quickly drifting to JK, his boss and all the other trainers he’d had over the years. The men who he expected would be his fatherly figures. But just as soon as these thoughts came to mind, they also quickly went away with the thought of the friends he’s made through his work with Belift.

Like Jay, who he’s spent the better part of the past few months living with. And Sunoo or Jungwon, both of whom are the sons of his bosses, both too kind and too young to already be prepping to succeed their fathers’ careers. In essence, his brothers.

“Yeah, they are,” Ni-ki answers without hesitation. “I don’t think it’s quite the… traditional way of being brought up, but I’m happy I think.”

“You think?”

Ni-ki pauses, licking his already chapped lips and nodding. “I think. Yeah,” he then confirms verbally, a little more sure of his answer. “I love my brothers.”

“Brothers? So you have more than one? I see,” you comment, nodding thoughtfully to yourself. “Which one told you to join a club? I like him.”

And at that, Ni-ki can’t help but scoff in surprised laughter, though he knows your understanding of his relationship with his brothers and the reason he gave you for joining the dance team is inaccurate. “That’s Jay. He’s kinda dumb to be honest, but overall, a nice guy,” he sincerely shares with a little laugh. He might rarely say it out loud, but he does have so much love for Jay. “What about you? How’s your family?”

“Oh, um…” you start your response hesitantly, and Ni-ki hopes to god that you answer. Not only because of his mission, but also because your honesty would mean that you trust him. And it is such a selfish desire, but how can he help it with how much he’s fallen for you?

“It’s okay if you don’t-”

“I want to! I just… don’t know where to start,” You quickly interrupt him and his attempts to make you feel more comfortable. You appreciate it deeply, but you do know that you’re ready to share things with him. After all, he’s become your closest friend after all this time and you know you can trust him. At least, you want to trust him.

So you do.

“I’m an only child, but that was probably obvious. And I’m sure you’ve heard about… My father’s career,” you start.

“Taki has said some things,” Ni-ki admits in a not-quite-a-lie.

With a sigh, you continue. “Growing up, I didn’t really understand how powerful he was, and even now, I still don’t have a full grasp on the things he’s had to do to get where he is, or rather, I can’t accept knowing what he’s... done.”

“What do you mean?”

“I…” you hesitate, twiddling with your thumbs in your lap. “I feel like it’s obvious enough, but when your father is an evil man, it’s not very easy to love him. Even if that’s what’s been drilled into your head since you born. That you’re supposed to love your parents. Unconditionally.” You pause for a moment, but you’ve already said more than you’ve ever admitted out loud before. You might as well continue. “My... biological father is a horrible man, and the woman who gave birth to me doesn’t care.”

“Kitty...”

“I’m okay,” you snap back from your anger after hearing his voice. You feel safer knowing he’s here, even if it’s only over the phone. Wiping your tears away, you clear your throat. “Is there anything else you want to know?”

“You don’t have to share any more if you don’t want to,” Ni-ki quickly replies, hoping to assure you.

But despite his assurance, you feel safe continuing to share anyways. “The worst part of it all is that when you don’t have a family at home, you search for one anywhere else. But it’s hard to be treated equally when your dad owns the school. It’s hard to make friends when half of the kids’ parents are in debt because of your dad. It’s hard to be normal when you’re expected to report your whereabouts like a soldier rather than a daughter…” You can’t help but rant, and Ni-ki stays quiet on the other side of the phone. “I mean, I guess I grew up and rich and stuff, so I got to go to all these events and was put in all these extracurriculars like ballet and stuff but god did I just wish-” you stop yourself from continuing. “Sorry, I probably sound so ungrateful.”

“It’s okay,” he reassures you. “You’re allowed to be unhappy with your life, you know.”

“I know…” It’s unspoken, but the reason why you feel uncomfortable saying anything more is mutually understood. In the way that you were raised with so much more than he ever had. You were born and raised in a two-parent home. You were sent to all the extracurriculars you wanted to try. You travelled a lot in your childhood and came home to a three-floor marble-tiled mansion.

All reasons why Ni-ki had judged you so much in the first place. You were someone who, from an outside perspective, seemed to have it all. And yet, here you were - generous and humble in a way not many people are. You were someone who, in essence, had everything that Ni-ki had ever dreamed of and asked for, and yet, he can’t help but understand where you’re coming from anyways. Sure, he wasn’t born into a family, but at the very least, his found one was loving.

And yours was, well, Ni-ki wasn’t surprised yours was not.

He supposes you’re both enigmatic in a way, except his mystery comes from his secrecy, and you? Well despite your entire life having been written down in a file, spread about in public through rumours and gossip, your mystery comes from your heart.

And though Ni-ki already has an inkling of what kind of parents you have, he reassures you in feeling safe with him because he wants to hear the story from you.

“It just feels a little silly to be complaining,” you whispered into the phone’s receiver, feeling safe in knowing that Ni-ki’s on the other side. “My dad’s rarely at home because of work or whatever, not that I even enjoy it when he is.” The latter half of your sentence is spoken in a lower tone. “And my mom’s always,” you snicker, mostly to yourself, “looking in a mirror.”

“To be fair, I like looking in the mirror too,” Ni-ki jokes, hoping to alleviate the tension a little and you laugh softly in return.

“It sounds so insignificant because, objectively, they have given me a lot,” you continue after a breath. “But I… God, I don’t feel safe in my own house; not needed or cared for or-”

You don’t say it out loud, but he knows you meant to say ‘loved’. But that’s not the word Ni-ki finds himself focusing on.

“You don’t feel… safe?”

There’s a moment of silence, during which Ni-ki feels he has impeded on your personal boundaries. He almost takes it back when you answer, “I don’t. Especially not when he’s home, and that… Well, that particular fear has nothing to do with his career.”

And Ni-ki feels his blood boiling with your admission.

The conversation continues as you detail a few more criticisms you have of your parents and your livelihood, though you fail to mention much more about I-land than the surface. And despite his mission still in mind, all Ni-ki feels as he continues to listen and empathise with you is that maybe your dad disappearing from your life won’t be such a bad thing for you. It’s a dim thought, but alas, it’s not one he can’t pretend he doesn’t entertain.

And as your chat continues on into the night, you drift off into discussions of happier memories. Where Ni-ki talks about his ‘brothers’ and their video game nights, you tell him about performing in your first ballet recital and the girls you performed with. And so on and so forth.

“One of our recitals together actually coincidentally landed on my eleventh birthday,” you shared with an obvious brightness in your voice at the fond memory.

“Oh yeah? And what was that like?” And as you described yours, Ni-ki couldn’t help but feel jealous. As the rich kid that you are, your parents always pulled out the stops on your birthday as their only daughter and as a powerful family with all eyes on you. Whether it be renting out an entire bowling arena for you or holding an unnecessarily extravagant cotillion, you’ve just about had it all.

Though, as you see your father’s business partners attend every event, or as pictures are taken by a hired photographer, you know it’s all just another business move. Something for the public to see he isn’t so heartless. Something for potential investors to see a young girl to sexualize.

On this particular birthday, your parents allowed you to host a sleepover with all of your friends. They brought out everything for you - balloon arches, tables of desserts, and a new video game console. However, as the sheltered introvert you were as a child, you simply spent the night with the girls from your ballet class. Most of whom only cared about all that your luxurious lifestyle could offer them. All of whom you no longer talk to.

But you don’t tell Ni-ki this.

Instead, you tell him that you had a good one and that you were happy.

Ni-ki smiles to himself as he listens to you talk about your childhood, glad that if your neglectful parents were able to provide you anything, they at least spoiled you in the stereotypical way rich parents do. He himself had never had any opportunities to celebrate his birthday. Though the Belift boys have often promised dinners or small parties, his birthday always happened to land on a mission day where he was away. He’d never been too upset about this before, since birthdays have never been made special in his life.

But hearing you have such a good time? It made him want to celebrate his next one.

“My birthday’s still next summer, but you’ll come, right?” you ask hopefully.

There’s a small pause that you don’t miss, but Ni-ki eventually replies, “I’ll try.”

“When’s your birthday? If it’s sooner, then we can spend it together,” you suggest, trying not to get your hopes up.

“Um,” Ni-ki contemplates for a second, figuring that telling you might be too personal. But what’s the harm in celebrating his birthday together right? Millions of people share the same one. “It’s actually in two weeks,” he admits.

If he’s being honest, he almost forgot it was even coming up.

You gasp, and Ni-ki smiles at your reaction. “Riki! Why didn’t you tell me? Oh my gosh, we have so much to plan.”

“We don’t need to do anything big!”

“I- Yes, we do!” You argue right back enthusiastically. “Unless your family already has plans?”

“No, they don’t.”

“Perfect!”

And with that, you were granted full control over what to do for Ni-ki’s birthday. And while he was admittedly nervous, he felt like he could trust you. Birthdays have never been special to him, but from now on, they just might be.

A few days later, Ni-ki receives a phone call from JK while waiting at his bus stop. After adjusting to the public transportation system, Jay opted out of driving him daily considering he was too lazy to and Ni-ki figured that the extra time bussing around the city during the early mornings and late afternoons meant more time with Tokyo.

Regardless, this call becomes the first time that JK has asked for an update out of the regularly scheduled weekly calls, and Ni-ki’s heart beats faster and faster with every second he hesitates to pick up the phone. It’s already been almost three months and he hadn’t really made much progress with you and your family. Essentially, Ni-ki found himself preparing for a scolding.

Gratefully, the call didn’t last long, with JK only asking for an early update this week due to his own busy schedule over the next few days. Ni-ki smoothly updates his boss with his successful persuasion and the upcoming birthday party and JK sends praises over, though the underlying intentions of the mission remain to be sinister. It’s not often that JK showers him with praise, and it’s a lot less often that Ni-ki is unhappy about being praised.

And yet, in this case, he can’t help but feel a tightness in his chest when his boss says, “You truly are shaping up to be the best of Belift, kid.”

Ni-ki clears his throat, thanking him for his kindness though he hesitates to mean it. After a few more minutes of catching up, JK hangs up and Ni-ki holds his head down, allowing his bangs to crowd over his eyes now afraid and embarrassed.

Aside from being his direct boss, JK was also Ni-ki’s first mentor and first, well, ally within Belift. Despite the strict training, JK never really abused him or pushed him further than he could handle. He seemed to be one of the only people who recognized how young Ni-ki was when he had first been ‘recruited’. In fact, if asked who his first role model was, Ni-ki would probably answer with JK’s name without hesitation and without question (Jay’s name would come second, though he would hate to admit this). After all, when you’re essentially born and bred for an industry as tough as this, the strongest and darkest person you know becomes the person you want to become.

Things changed, however, when Ni-ki turned twelve and became faced with his first real mission on the field. He was simply grouped with a large team at first, one of many in a small raid they planned to do with an enemy mafia’s outpost. And when faced with an enemy with his finger on the trigger, Ni-ki froze.

Ni-ki would be dead if an older trainee known as Ace hadn’t come to his rescue to move him out of the way.

He’d gotten in a lot of trouble after coming back to headquarters, snitched on by witnesses from the rest of the team he’d gone with, but Ni-ki was ready to accept the consequences. Sitting patiently outside of JK’s office, he couldn’t stop himself from inching closer to the door to listen to Ace’s argument with the boss.

“Ni-ki didn’t do anything wrong,” Ace’s female voice firmly stated.

“Didn’t-” JK sighs. “RM was right. The kid’s too soft.”

“Perhaps because he is a kid, sir.”

JK begins mumbling to himself. “That little rascal. Always joking around…” And as he continues to list attributes, his voice muffled through the door. “I didn’t raise that kid to freeze on the field!”

“You didn’t raise him at all!”

“Do you wanna get suspended too, Ace?”

“I-” Ace stops, clearing her throat in an attempt to calm down. JK was, after all, also her own boss. “I would just like to remind you that we were both children when we started too.”

Ni-ki gulps, moving away from the door and beginning to feel dizzy with even the littlest snippet of his boss’ conversation with his saviour. He knew he’d be scolded, he understood as much. However, he would never have expected to hear his own mentor and role model call him kind and loving and soft. To be described in such a positive way was one thing, but to be berated for it? And only after his first mission?

At twelve?

With every inch of his body, Ni-ki took his suspension from formal missions with maturity. Though every part of him begged to scream and cry and feel angry, he instead spent every hour of every day working harder to impress JK and, at the height of it all, prove him wrong. If he wasn’t running laps on a treadmill or doing bench presses, he was at the Belift gun range, practising his aim and ensuring that he would never make the same mistake twice.

Thus, Ni-ki, the child prodigy of assassination was born.

And again, he hesitates because of you.

You, who appears just as he seems to need you most.

“Riki?” And despite looking up through long bangs and wet eyes, Ni-ki knows it’s you. “Come here.” You rush to sit on the empty space on the bench next to him, pulling him into a hug that he wasn’t quite ready for. And yet, with your arms around him, Ni-ki bursts into tears in a real cry.

For the first time in years. For the first time since before his first mission. For the first time ever with someone else to be with him.

And it feels nice.

It feels nice to have someone to cry with and cry on. It feels nice to feel safe in someone’s arms. It feels nice to have someone like you. To cry properly, strongly, just allowing your emotions out in a way that he normally suppressed whenever he teared up in bed before sleep, but to have someone there anyways.

You don’t bother asking questions or prodding at his feelings, you just sit there, holding him, and you let him cry. Because it’s okay to and you want him to know that.

“Kitty, darling,” a sharp female voice calls out to you, interrupting the moment. You pull back from Ni-ki, eyes widened in surprise as a well-dressed young woman adorned with pearls approaches the bus stop. “Who is this young… sad man?”

“Mother, this is Riki,” you immediately introduce, though you’re clearly nervous as you smooth your outfit down and fix your hair’s state. “From dance.”

Ni-ki, startled by the unexpected meeting with your mother, shoots up from his slump on the bench, turning away to wipe the tears off his cheeks. Clearing his throat, the boy bows his head respectfully, looking up to see an even more surprising body behind your mom. Without even an introduction, he already knows it’s your father.

And he is terrifying.

A couple inches past six feet tall, broad shoulders, clean-shaven, and dressed in some thousand dollar three-piece suit. His face is hardened, eyes stone cold as if they’ve seen the worst (and Ni-ki’s sure they have) and lips pursed in judgement. He’s a high-level target for a reason, and yet, despite his large stature and his commanding aura, Ni-ki stands next to you without wavering. He’s meeting your parents here as your friend and not as an agent.

Ni-ki was in a world of trouble.

“Hello,” he greets with a smile.

“Riki, these are my parents,” you introduce, fear and discomfort present in your eyes as you both make eye contact. “I wasn’t expecting to be picked up by you two today.”

Your mother purses her lips as if an attempt to smile though it certainly doesn’t reach her eyes. “Well, we just missed you, darling.” The sentiment is missing. “And to you, Riki dear,” she turns, angling her head towards the young boy and scanning his figure. “Will you be amongst those joining us next Saturday?”

“Yes,” you reply curtly. “I just figured-”

“I was asking Riki, darling,” your mother berates, her empty smile lingering on her face.

Ni-ki, still at your side, inhales sharply. He’s met personalities like your mother’s before, but this time, the thought that a woman such as her raised you clouds his judgement and his persona wavers ever so slightly. Nonetheless, he is still a Belift assassin.

“It’ll be my birthday, yes,” he begins his response. “Kitty offered to host the dance team for the afternoon. I hope it’s not a bother, Miss.”

“Why would it be? A friend of Kitty’s is a friend of ours,” your mother smiles, and Ni-ki’s guard is at its highest level. He murmurs a quiet thanks, bowing low while giving you a smile of assurance. He doesn’t know but you’re grateful they get along. You might not like your parents too much, but you do like Ni-ki.

And while your father, Ni-ki’s final target, has been silent thus far, he clears his throat as he puts his phone back in an inside pocket of his blazer. “Are we done here?”

You look up, eyes and posture more alert than before. “Yes, father.”

“In the car, then,” he commands, voice low and stern as expected. Years in the field lets Ni-ki know that all mafia bosses tend to sound like that. Without even a hint of an acknowledgement towards your friend, he then turns his nose up and away to where his unnecessarily expensive car is parked.

With a final apologetic glance towards Ni-ki, you follow after your father in fear of being scolded, head down towards the ground. Your mother, on the other hand, smiles a final time to him, greeting him a “see you tomorrow” before walking away too.

Your parents are not at all what he expected, impressions detailed and recounted later that night in a meeting with JK over the phone and Jay sat beside him. “Her mom seems to hold some sort of power too. She’s a strong personality, but she was also obnoxiously dripping with expensive accessories.”

“Sugar baby things,” Jay comments with a snort.

“Did her parents seem in love?” JK asks, prompting Ni-ki to pause before replying ‘no’.

“He said about two things before leaving so I can’t say. I don’t even think he looked at me,” Ni-ki elaborated. “He seemed busy with something on his phone. And Kitty… She’s afraid of him.”

Jay grimaces, leaning back against the couch instead of leaning on his knees. “I’d fear my dad too if he was a mafia boss.”

Ni-ki quirks an eyebrow, slowly turning towards his friend. “Jay… Your dad is a weapons expert and… Well, he’s also a murderer.”

“Fair, but it’s not like he’s the main boss-”

“Focus, boys,” JK chirps from the phone, a slight frustration and tiredness obvious in his voice. The two stay quiet quickly, chewing on their cheeks and sharing glances as they try to stop themselves from laughing. After a few moments and a deep sigh from JK, he clears his throat. “For now, stay close with Kitty and try to get a moment away from the party this Saturday. Might be smart to get a good idea on the layout of their place.”

“Got it,” Ni-ki nods, feeling nervous though he’s never usually been.

Jay rolls his neck, already formulating a game plan for the weekend. “Surveillance and security is most likely to be heavy, so we gotta be careful.”

“Don’t worry,” Ni-ki smirks. “I always am.”

“Try not to get ahead of yourself, Ni-ki,” JK reminds him in a stern tone. “I trust you.”

A trust that Ni-ki has never broken, until…

Well.

When Ni-ki wakes up on the morning of his birthday, his chest feels heavy with an excitement he doesn’t think he’s felt in a while. Sure, he feels a little more than nervous, but he gets to celebrate his birthday. For the first time! With you! And a few other people!

With Jay’s own interest in fashion, he forces Ni-ki into a black turtleneck layered underneath a white button-up tucked into some jeans. He figured it was the least he could do for the birthday of a kid he basically saw as a younger brother. And with a secret earpiece for emergency communication, Jay drives him over to your gated mansion a half-hour drive away from the city.

Your house is insane.

Ni-ki’s had his days breaking into homes like these before, with Jungwon and Sunoo living in places like these as well. But to imagine you growing up here makes him see the place in a new light.

When he gets there, Ta-ki and a few others have already arrived, all bearing carefully-picked out presents and welcoming, loving smiles. Smiles that he’s struggled to get used to but eventually has.

These people have grown to love him, and he has grown to love them in return.

But at what cost?

Along with your staff, you had planned out a simple party in your mansion living room for the dance team - with an array of video games and an unnecessarily large flat screen television, your chefs had also prepared an entire sushi table alongside desserts and other whatevers that were too expensive not to buy.

The party takes off without a hitch, as everyone finds themselves finding comfort in the lack of responsibilities or expectations tied to the afternoon. It’s just a group of young kids being nothing more than what they are. There’s moments of sharing gossip and recalling old choreographies and playing Jackbox and there’s moments where Ni-ki holds your hand and plas with your hair as you overexert yourself during a round of Mario Kart.

An afternoon where Ni-ki gets to be nothing more than what he is.

A kid.

And every moment is spent with you.

You, who finds him when he is wandering upstairs after leaving the living room for a ‘bathroom break’. You, who doesn’t question why he’s peering down corridors and looking through doors left ajar. You, who smiles quietly and leads him back down to the party that he’s supposed to be here for.

If only his brothers were here, Ni-ki couldn’t help but think. How wonderful would it be to have the opportunity to hang out with Jay and Jungwon and Sunoo and Heeseung and Jake and Sunghoon and just be nothing more than what they are.

A group of friends?

No.

A family.

That sounds better.

It fits better.

It feels more like home, in the same way you have begun to fit in his life like you’ve become a second home. And it’s scary, but Ni-ki can’t help but see his heart grow with the way the afternoon light hits your hair through the floor-to-ceiling windows in your living room. He sees his heart grow with the way you laugh at Taki’s attempts to follow along to J-pop girl group choreography. He sees his heart grow with the way you’ve developed a closeness with Hikaru that you didn’t have with other girls before as you take selfies in the mirrors in your hallway.

Ni-ki finds himself utterly adoring the way the world is so much more colourful when you are there.

And it’s only when the dance team members head home and your mother invites him to stay longer for dinner that he is reminded that the world he knows with you is not the world that he belongs in.

Though Ni-ki did take the opportunity to sneak around on the second floor a little, he never expected to find himself sitting next to you, across from your mother, with your dad at the head of the table. Jay and JK were certainly going to have a field day with his recap. The dinner they serve is an obnoxiously sized and obnoxiously red lobster, and though Ni-ki didn’t have much of an appetite with your father around, he still couldn’t help but eat a few servings.

As for the company, well, it was awkward and tense, but Ni-ki kept his guard up.

“How was the celebration?” Your parents would ask.

“It went well,” Ni-ki would answer.

And “Thank you for letting me host” was your answer.

“How well do you do in school Riki?”

“I hold my own; however, I’m more of a liberal arts kid than a science one.”

��We study physics together often to keep each other on top of things.”

And they even dare bring up how “our daughter tells us you’re homeschooled.”

“For most of my life, yes. I was adopted by a pair of educators who felt that they could handle us until we were old enough for high school.”

“Your brothers were all adopted as well, right?”

“All of us.”

Your mother purses her lips for a moment. “What a generous couple.”

And the dinner continued.

More small talk occurred with more moments of awkwardness and slight bonding. Ni-ki still couldn’t put together why he’d even been invited to this dinner at all. At this point, he’s just grateful your parents don’t seem to dislike him.

His suspicions are confirmed when your father clears his throat at the end of the meal and speaks a full sentence with more substance for the first time. “Riki, my… company’s holding a bit of a celebration for some business deals on the Sunday after tomorrow. What are your thoughts on attending?”

And by the look on your face, Ni-ki confirms that you weren’t expecting the invite either. “Me?” He blurts out without thinking. “Well, I’m free on Sunday, but I can’t help but wonder what I did to deserve the invite, sir.”

He chuckles in this sinister way that doesn’t meet his empty eyes. “In an industry like mine, young girls are desirable. It’s better for her to be bringing around a boy her age than to be auctioned off to my colleagues.” While certainly an honest answer, Ni-ki can’t say it’s one he expected.

During his few months away from Seoul, Ni-ki has heard of his own friend Jungwon being possibly entered into an arranged marriage. In any case, it seems that no matter what the true intention behind the invite was, Ni-ki gets another chance to be around his target.

Without being given much of an option, Ni-ki accepts the invitation and is soon picked up by Jay who cackles during the entire drive home as Ni-ki recounts every moment of the day.

“I’m glad to hear your birthday has been mostly happy then,” Jay comments just as he’s about to turn at an intersection. “What are we gonna do about next week’s event then?”

And in that moment, Ni-ki grabs Jay’s wrist.

“Turn the car around.”

And within the following half-hour, Ni-ki changes into an all-black get-up stored just in case in Jay’s car. And with a deep breath, he expertly climbed the gates of your family home and weaved through the security blindspots to climb a tree that provided him the perfect amount of foliage for camouflage and the perfect angle of your father’s study that he’d located earlier that afternoon.

All with a sniper rifle, with a silencer, in his hand.

And with a gun pointed at the head of his target, he stops himself from pulling the trigger simply because, well, your voice was stuck in his head. There wasn’t a particular phrase or word stuck in his head either.

It was just your laugh.

It was your smile, your eyes, and the way they crinkled when you laughed.

He doesn’t shoot.

He can’t.

Because Jay was right.

Ni-ki does indeed have the capacity to cry himself to sleep and make mistakes and, well, fall in love.

And as he sits in the tree, watching your father exit his study for the night and missing the opportunity to finally end his life the way he was supposed to all this time, Ni-ki pulls his phone out of his pocket and makes a phone call.

And when you pick up the phone, and when you hear his voice cry your naem out softly, Ni-ki bursts into tears and all you can do is sit in your bed and whisper sweet nothings into his ear, counting sheep to help him breathe and singing soft melodies to help him calm down. And you sit there for a little over fifteen minutes, an endless list of questions running through your mind as Ni-ki pours out his pain to you.

And after a few more minutes of sniffles and whispers from both of your ends of the call, you smile to yourself knowing that he’s alright now, or at least, was alright enough to stop crying.

Beep.

He hangs up.

But you didn’t need to be confused for too long, finding your answer when you hear a knock on your window that almost makes your heart jump out of your chest.

It’s Ni-ki.

And your jaw drops in shock, because how on earth did this kid sneak through all the security? And why on earth is he here past midnight just after his birthday? Though, however shocked you may be, you can’t say you’re that lost in the event.

After all, you’re not an idiot.

He was smirking, though his eyes were red, through the glass as you went to open the window with a look of astonishment in your eyes. “Hi Kitty,” he smiles cheekily, almost showing his gums. It’s as if he hadn’t just been crying.

“Riki! What- Why are you here? No- How are you here?” you reply in a lower volume, helping him through the window. You quickly notice that he’s changed to an all-black get-up from earlier, and well, the form-fitting turtleneck looks good.

And as Ni-ki goes to sit comfortably on the linen of your bed, he sighs, obviously reddened eyes looking around in a guilty manner. “I have a lot to explain, and I just-” He sighs once more. “Sit with me?”

And in the low glow of the yellow light from your bedside table, Ni-ki tells you his real name and real story and real self.

He tells you that his birth name is Riki but that he hasn’t called himself that in years. He tells you that he was adopted but by the wrong people. He tells you about the things he’s seen, though not in detail, and the things he’s been trained for, though he doesn’t elaborate. And he tells you about the people he’s met and the family he’s made. He tells you that the whole thing is scary, he knows, but that he’s never known anything else until, well, you.

He tells you how you showed him what it’s like to be normal. He tells you how grateful he is that you’ve shown him what it’s like to be a student. He tells you how wonderful it’s been that you’ve shown him what it’s like to hang out casually, and dance, and love.

And it’s scary, you have to admit. It’s scary that you’ve found yourself lying in your bed next to this person who you’ve called your best friend for months as he tells you this entirely different tale. And the scariest part?

You’re not afraid.

Or even angry.

Maybe it’s because you’re not an idiot and you’ve been trained to notice these things. Or maybe it’s because you’ve hidden quite a lot from him yourself. Or maybe it’s because you might have always had an inkling that there was always more to him than just what he’s said. No amount of acting or planning can take away from the fact that there was always something different about the way Ni-ki spoke to you in your late night phone calls or the way you doodled all of over each other’s Physics notes in class.

Sure, attempting to destroy your family wasn’t the first assumption in your mind, but every loose thread about Ni-ki finally connected in your mind and it wasn’t in a way that scared you off.

So, you listen patiently to his confession, stopping yourself from asking questions until the end and stopping yourself from judging him for the things he’s gone through.

And when he tells you the final part, the important part, the why of his being here in your bedroom with you, you start to cry. And he holds your hand as you both continue to lay in the bed, staring at your ceiling.

“I’m here for you,” he says.”

Your heart stops.

“Your family, specifically.”

“My dad?”

“Yes.”

You knew Belift Underground was a familiar name.

“Do you hate me?”

“No.”

“Are you afraid of me?”

“... Maybe?”

“Maybe?”

“I’m not sure,” you admit.

You might be the daughter of a man running one of Japan’s largest yakuza, but you were always kept far away from the business. Perhaps it’s because you’re a girl and your dad’s a raging misogynist, or maybe it’s simply because he just knew you weren’t cut out for this world. You were more of a prized possession instead of a real daughter, after all; born to aid in the image of the perfect mafia family.

You’d always figured he probably wanted a son and gave up after the first attempt. For starters, had you been a boy, you, without a doubt, would have been treated differently. But then beyond all the inclusion into I-land’s work as an underground empire, you have also wondered if being born a boy would have meant he’d stop hurting you.

In the end of your deliberations, you concluded ‘no’. Your father’s evil enough to beat the daylights out of anybody regardless of gender.

And you? Well… You’d never imagined that you wouldn’t feel revolted at the idea of your best friend murdering your dad.

“When will you kill him?”

“I don’t… I don’t think I can.”

Now that’s an answer you find surprising.

“Why not?”

“Because you wouldn’t have a father, and I… I can’t do that to you.”

“And if I want you to?”

“Kitty-”

“Okay, maybe not want. But can I help it if I’m not against it?”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Just because I have a parent, doesn’t mean he’s been a father.”

Ni-ki lets go of your hand, turning in the bed to lie on his side and face you though you don’t follow suit. “You don’t mean that,” he insists, recalling his own horrendous childhood without a parent.

You take a deep breath, feeling goosebumps dance along your arms as you sense Ni-ki’s undivided attention from beside you. “I do.”

Ni-ki takes a deep breath, exhaling before asking, “Why? Don’t you understand how much you have to lose from this? Do you even have other people to go to? Anything at all?”

“Ni-ki…” you whisper, and he can’t help but feel his heart skip a beat with the way you say the name he’s used to for the first time, though of course, that’s a feeling to acknowledge for another day. “I want you to do your job.”

You pause for a moment.

“I promise you. I have nothing to lose.”

Because as wonderful as your life thus far may have seemed to the rest of the world, you didn’t really start living until you met Ni-ki either.

You suppose that’s what you had in common - that the world was painful and dark and filled with so much hurt that it wasn’t worth living, only to change your mind after introducing one another to something new. Something unexpected, and yet welcome.

You’ve never trusted or cared for anyone to this level before, much less loved anybody before.

But you figure that if loving someone felt like anything, it felt like this.

Like the way Ni-ki calloused fingers held yours as you drifted off to sleep. Like the way his nose scrunched up whenever he was listening to you complain about something mundane. Like the way he was so quiet at first, and yet so ready to run around and do whatever you wanted, all because you asked.

And when the following Sunday comes around, you are so, so afraid, because all that Ni-ki has shared with you at school is that he’ll ‘take care of it’ and that ‘you’ll be okay’. Whatever that means.

But it’s okay to not know what that means.

You trust Ni-ki and Ni-ki is more than enough.

Before you even arrive in your baby blue floor-length gown on Sunday evening, you are already terrified. Ni-ki had messaged you that Jay was dropping him off early, just in case, and that’s how you knew that whatever plan they had in mind, it was already underway. You just hope they’re as good at their jobs as Ni-ki claimed.

The exhibition hall is already brimming with guests the likes of (corrupt) politicians, (corrupt) businessmen, and (corrupt) whoever elses, but despite the crowd and the fear and expectation of all that is to occur to tonight, your eyes only see Ni-ki, waiting patiently by the buffet table where you’d planned to meet. And though now certainly isn’t the time, you can’t help but blush a little with the effort he’s made to look presentable tonight in a slightly-oversized navy suit (no doubt purchased only within the past week) and with his hair all slicked back (no doubt with Jay’s assistance).

“Kitty! You look… beautiful,” and you know that he means it sincerely. While you can’t say you’re the most beautiful girl around, you feel like you are when Ni-ki looks at you the way he does with his dark and kind eyes. There is nothing between you that calls itself a secret anymore, and so every word no longer has to be laced with a hint of a lie.

“Thank you N- Riki,” you correct yourself, aware of the environment. “You look good in a suit, you know,” and you catch him with reddened cheeks and ears too. After a quick hug and a handhold, you lead yourselves to the front table where your family was arranged to sit.

And there, your parents are already gathered, ready to kick off tonight’s program with a toast of champagne. But before that, they give a practised smile as they see you in the distance with the boy who they don’t know yet will end their lives.

“Riki, it’s nice to see you’ve made it tonight,” your father greets in his usual stern tone.

“Anything to make sure Kitty will be alright, sir,” he replies, and you find yourself blushing with the sincerity and assertion in his voice.

Your mother on the other hand goes directly to nag at you. “Stand up straight Kitty. Your posture is atrocious.” And you follow her demand instinctively, as that is how it’s always been.

When the program begins, your father makes a speech along with a few other old men who you’ve come to recognize over the years of attending similar events - events where corrupt, rich, old men gather only to flaunt and socialise in order to gain more wealth and social standing. Old men who look at you in ways that you shouldn’t be looking at a child.

Ni-ki notices the way they look at you too, but opts out of saying anything.

However, even if the crowd was filled with the kindest, most welcoming people, you still don’t think you could have mustered up the courage to not be nervous. After all, Ni-ki still hasn’t explained anything and it’s already ten in the evening. Nevertheless, he sits beside you as you eat dinner and talks beside you when your parents force you to walk around and socialise.

He makes for a good date at events like this.

If only this was just a fun little party like the one you’d had for his birthday.

It’s when the disco part of the night begins that things turn up a notch as the entire crowd of already tipsy adults decide it’s time to start trying to dance on one another on the crowded floor to overbearingly-loud electronic music. And you know it’s irrelevant, but Ni-ki and you do make time to make snide comments about their lack of rhythm.

Half an hour later, the music dies down and your father makes his way up to the stage, planning to make a final ‘thank you’ message for the night as it fades on toward dawn. But before he can even utter a word into the microphone-

Bang.

And it’s like the world moves in slow-motion.

Ni-ki watches in horror as your father drops to the ground, a bullet shot clean through his chest and through his back. Ni-ki watches in horror as the entire assembly hall goes into a frenzy, bodies running around and every voice screaming over the ongoing song booming through the speakers.

Ni-ki watches in horror as your smile fades softly, limbs going numb by your side.

Because even if you never loved him, you weren’t expecting him to die such a violent death just a few feet away from you.

Jay wasn’t supposed to do that.

But within the frenzy, Ni-ki could only focus on you, and the bodyguards who were rushing towards the stage to take you. He takes you by the hand in a flurry, and your fingers intertwine in his so naturally that you don’t question it as he takes you through an emergency exit door and down the fire escape stairwells.

It’s as if your body had gone on autopilot, simply allowing Ni-ki to take you through the crowd of horrified and panicked drunkards. You barely noticed the way he slipped his blazer off to drape it over your shoulders as he guided you through an exit he no doubt planned in advance. No words are exchanged between you two as he helps you into a parked van two blocks away, with a surprised stranger in the driver’s seat who you assume is Jay.

“Wha-”

“Step on it,” Ni-ki demands, and without question, the driver follows through, pulling out from his parking spot before you and Ni-ki can even fasten your seatbelts. “I don’t think we’re being followed, but do a couple rounds around the city just in case.”

Without taking his eyes off the road, Jay takes a phone out of his pocket and tosses it to the back of the van where you and Ni-ki sit together. “Call Shotaro.”

“Why?”

“He’s some guy who owes my dad a favour out here. He can most likely get us a different car so we can ditch this one,” he replies, and with that, Ni-ki makes a phone call.

And throughout their whole conversation, you remain silent in your seat, looking out the window as the city lights blur together as they whiz past you. Your head is empty, thoughts only on where you could be going from here - metaphorically and literally. You meant it when you told Ni-ki that you have nothing to lose, and now that the inevitable fall of I-Land will begin with your father’s passing, you also have no intentions of going back.

But despite your lack of regret, there is a sense of melancholy. Perhaps confusion?

There’s a loss here, though not the expected one.

A loss of structure, of routine, of your old normalcy. And all you have now is your future with Ni-ki.

If you even have a future with Ni-ki? What happens now? Is he taking you to the Belift Underground? Will they even accept you considering your affiliation with a rival gang? Are you going to become a prisoner of war or will you get a new identity or perhaps, will they just send you back to your mother to avoid causing further damage?

But before you can overthink further, you are snapped out of your thoughts when Ni-ki starts prying Jay for information. “So are you ready to tell me about what on earth happened in there?”

“What do you mean?” Jay asks, genuinely shrugging in confusion.

“I mean, why on earth would you shoot him? And in public?”

“That wasn’t me! Are you accusing me of being bad at my job?” Jay exclaims, matching Ni-ki’s anger. “Wait- He was shot?”

“Yes!”

And as Jay prepares to turn left at an intersection, he clears his throat. “Hold on. You need to give me a rundown, because I haven’t left this damn van. Not after you texted me two hours ago.”

With that, Ni-ki provides his perspective of the evening, revealing all that occurred. Just a day prior, Jay had obtained a lethal sort of chemical, one that lacked any sort of taste and smell, so that Ni-ki could slip it into either a drink or meal of your father’s. It’s also the kind of poison that’s 97% undetectable by autopsy, and one that kills a few hours after consumption.

It’s the perfect assassination without having to cause a scene.

However, just a few hours before the sudden gunshot, Ni-ki had noticed that your father didn’t seem to have much of an appetite, and aside from that, there weren’t many opportunities to reach for a glass of his. Though naturally, such difficulty was expected. Mafia bosses are smart about what they consume, especially at such public events.

And with Ni-ki’s anxiety over the whole thing, he’d texted Jay an “abort mission”, deciding to leave the assassination for another opportunity.

“So you’re telling me that you weren’t the one who took this whole thing into your hands?” Ni-ki insists.

“Well, you just said that you dragged Kitty out of there the moment he was shot. Would I have been in this damn car waiting if I had sniped him?” And Jay’s logic reaches Ni-ki’s, and you are in shock. You suppose it’s not a surprise. He’s always had enemies.

You were kidnapped once when you were six.

And he only paid the ransom after two weeks even though he already had the money to begin with.

“What happens now, Ni-ki?” Jay asks, driving slowly into a parking garage, now mostly empty at this time of the night.

As you rise through the floors of the garage, Ni-ki ponders on his answer. “All I know is that I’m not giving Kitty back to them.”

“Kitty isn’t yours to give,” Jay retorts, and you almost laugh at his response.

“Thanks for the feminism, but I don’t wanna go back even if you insisted,” you interrupt their conversation, speaking for the first time since you left the party.

And from the front, the blonde boy clears his throat. “Well, it’s nice to meet you Kitty. I’m Jay.”

From beside you, Ni-ki attempts to give you a small smile, though you can tell he’s more concerned than happy right now. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

Within a few minutes, Jay and Ni-ki take you to a dark convertible, leaving the van behind in order to leave no traces of your whereabouts. And on your drive away from the garage, you ask “So what does happen now?”

Jay sighs. “We need to leave the country ASAP, so I’m sorry if you left anything behind at your place that you wanted. We obviously can’t go there if you want to come with us.”

But your belongings aren’t what catches your attention. “You’ll actually let me come with you?”

“Ni-ki’s gonna beat me up if I don’t,” the older boy shrugs, though you can tell by his demeanour that he means it in a light-hearted sense. You think you’re starting to see why Ni-ki likes him so much.

The following month is a bit of a haze for you, and you feel as if you’ve been floating throughout the entire thing. So quickly do you find yourself in a South Korean casino in front of a bunch of old men making decisions about what to do with you in the same way your dad did. The only thing that saves you is a scary man covered in tattoos and piercings who introduces himself to you as JK, and you remember that he is Ni-ki’s superior.

As scary as he is, JK’s the one who personally oversees your protection. Maybe it’s out of genuine concern or maybe it’s out of love for Ni-ki that he’s afraid to admit, but either way, he’s the one who ensures you a new name, a new passport, and a flight to a boarding school in America where you can be far, far away from everything that has hurt you.

The unfortunate part of the deal is that being far, far away from the mafia places you far, far away from Ni-ki.

And well, there’s nothing you want more than to be close to him.

On your final day in Korea, Ni-ki takes you on a walk by the Han River, and the scenery is beautiful, but not as much as the way his eyes look as they stare into yours.

It’s at Han River that Ni-ki says he loves you for the first time.

You don’t say it back, but you know that he knows you do. He assures you that he knows.

When you reach America and arrive at your boarding school, you become good friends with your new roommates, though you do find yourself missing Hikaru and the dance team occasionally. You also join the student council after some encouragement from your new friends, becoming more confident and even developing leadership skills. You also sleep better at night and smile to yourself in the mirror. Genuinely.

And you also feel content and safe and cared for, though you may be far, far away from the person you’ve come to love as your home.

Speaking of him, he calls you every night.

Without fail.

And every night, without fail, he whispers “I still love you” with all the confidence and conviction in the world.

“Ni-ki-”

“I know. I know you’re not ready, and that’s okay,” he reassures you. “I don’t think I am either. I just…” He takes a deep breath, turning over in bed with his burner phone still pressed to his ear. “I just want to remind you that I do, and I will, if that’s okay with you.”

You pause momentarily, and Ni-ki finds himself holding his breath due to the silence on your end. “It’s okay with me.”

Ni-ki smiles to himself. “I’ll wait for you to graduate and I’ll make enough money to go to school too one day and…” He continues the delusions, because as good as these daydreams sound, you know it’s too good to be true.

At the end of the day, he’s just a kid. Soft little eyes and chubby bunny cheeks.

A ruthless and renowned assassin, born and bred for murder.

Raised to never hesitate.

And he didn’t hesitate in telling you that he loved you every single night. He didn’t hesitate in allowing himself to cry himself to sleep and make mistakes and fall in love.

So as much of a dream as his list of hopes for the future is, for now, you are content.

“And we’ll never have to deal with Physics again,” you add to his ever growing list of dreams, giggling to yourself underneath the covers. “That all sounds really nice, Ni-ki.”

And after a moment of silence, he replies, “It really does.”

Normalcy. With you.

I still love you, he says.

“Me too,” you reply. “I hope you know that.”

He does.

taglist: @duolingofanaccount @alderiasamantha @aysenademir

#enhypen #nishimura riki #ni-ki x reader #mafia au #enhypen x reader #ni-ki x you #ni-ki angst #ni-ki fluff #enhypen riki #enhypen imagines #enhypen headcanons #enhypen reactions #enhypen scenarios

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ahundredtimesover · 3 years

Text

Inevitable (03) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader (ft. ot6)

Genre/Tags: exes au, parents au, baseball player!JK; angst, fluff, smut (18+)

Series Warnings: foul language, alcohol consumption, minor character death, explicit sexual content in future chapters (oral, unprotected/protected sex but be safe please!)

Chapter Word count: 7.7k

Summary: You convinced Jungkook to break up years ago so he could pursue his lifelong baseball dream. Now he’s back home, staring at you, and the little boy next to you who looks unmistakably like him.

A/N: I do love me some angst but I enjoy writing soft moments just as much. I hope you enjoy this one, too! Thank you for the appreciation for this story :) Also, you can message me if you want to be part of the taglist (or if I missed tagging you)!

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The place that Jungkook chose is a little French cafe that has a light and airy feel to it, and you think it’ll help Jungwon feel a little less intimated. There also aren’t many people around, which is surprising for a Saturday brunch hour.

You make out the table far back, by the glass window where you can see the flowers outside. Next to Jungkook is Jin, then Namjoon and Ara. The empty seats reserved for you and Jungwon are those in front of Jungkook and beside him.

You approach them, with everyone except for Jungkook - who just nods at you - standing up to give you a hug, with Jin spending more time than usual. With everything that’s happened, you didn’t realize how much you’ve missed your friends, too. They were collaterals of this whole ordeal; now you’re glad that you feel like starting over with them as well.

Jungwon stands behind you, arms wrapped around your waist when Jin comes close. He’s an unfamiliar face so it’s natural for the little one to be shy and hide behind you, like what he usually does, but he loosens up when you talk to him and make him feel comfortable, so you excuse yourself because you want him to feel comfortable around Jungkook.

You find an empty chair by the wall and sit Jungwon there.

“Hey sweetcheeks, we’re going to meet some of Mama’s friends, okay? They’re new people but they’re very kind and funny,” you say, kneeling down in front of him.

You get the brown backpack he’s wearing and take out his stuffed elephant, one of his many playmates that he likes to bring around. You place Mr. Choochoo in his arms, explain to him what you’ll do and that he can have some sweets later.

“Okay, Mama. I want some cookies,” he says in his tiny voice.

You tell him you’ll order some and pinch his cheeks, then you kiss his forehead, causing him to giggle, and you kiss him some more because you know this also makes him feel relaxed.

Jungkook watches from afar, the pang on his chest reminding him of the time lost, and he wonders if he’ll ever be like that with his own son. Jungwon is at a critical stage where trust is being developed, and Jungkook wants to be someone whom his son can trust.

The feeling in his chest grows as you approach them again. You give him a smile and help seat Jungwon next to his father.

“You remember the other day when you broke your airplane? Someone fixed it for you, right?” You ask.

Jungwon nods, eyes still focused on you.

“Good, because he’s here. Look,” you say, pointing to Jungkook. “He’s the kind man who helped you.”

Jungwon turns and looks at Jungkook, who returns his curious gaze with a grin. The little one is probably familiarizing himself with the man in front of him, as he nods and shyly smiles.

“Hi, buddy. I’m Jungkook,” he says and waves. “What’s your name?”

“Jungwon,” he whispers.

“How old are you?”

He responds by raising his hand to show four fingers.

“And when’s your birthday?”

“July 6!” Right as he answers, it registers to him, causing him to beam, the kind that reaches his cheeks and Jungkook’s heart is soaring. And just like that, the pang in his chest is gone.

You mirror Jungwon’s smile, knowing that’s enough of an icebreaker. He’s a sensitive kid who remembers kindness, and that day at the grocery, he saw it in Jungkook. You could chalk it up to some father-son connection if you like, but you also know that Jungwon tends to gravitate towards other gentle people, too.

The brunch goes surprisingly well, with Namjoon directing the conversations, knowing that it would still take some time to really settle into what was once familiar.

Days like this used to be a weekly engagement filled with jokes and unfiltered comments and hand holding between you and Jungkook, but everyone seems to be careful, reserved, almost unsure, like the glass will break at any wrong move.

Perhaps you’re all just giving this time for both father and son to be familiar and comfortable with each other. You know it will take a while but it’s something you don’t mind at all.

Jin is talking about his recent trip to Japan and his new ideas for another restaurant and you’re engrossed in his stories, until soft laughter catches your attention.

You turn to Jungwon, who’s laughing at Jungkook as he uses the macarons for eyes and makes weird faces, the latter pulling the sweets apart into smaller pieces and giving them to Jungwon who easily chews them. He offers Jungkook pieces of his cookies too, who dramatically devours them.

“My cookies!” Jungwon giggles.

You soften at the sight and excuse yourself before tears pour out and you will yourself to get it together in the washroom. You knew it was going to be a heartwarming proper meeting of the two but you weren’t ready for that kind of moment.

For all his shyness, Jungwon seems to be really comfortable with Jungkook, who’s doing so well, too, letting your child take the lead, not forcing anything, and being his usual sweet self.

Soon enough, brunch is over and you inform them of having to leave right away to make it to Jungwon’s dentist appointment in time. You place him in the car seat and turn to Jungkook, who’s now able to properly look at you, probably for the first time this whole day.

He opens his mouth to say something but his eyes lock in on your neck instead, a familiar piece of jewelry gracing the delicate feature. He stills and you’re confused, until you realize he’s looking at the necklace you’re wearing, the one with the moon and stars that he’d given you on your first year anniversary.

He told you that it was because you light his darkest nights and you squirmed at the cheesiness, smacking his arm and threatening him of getting rid of it if he ever spewed disgusting shit like that again. He loved that reaction, but deep down, you both knew that he was telling the truth.

It was that piece of him you could keep to yourself, one you didn’t have to share nor explain to anyone else. Out of everything you kept of your time together, the necklace was the only thing that didn’t make you break down every time.

You keep your thoughts at bay then nod at him and ask him what he meant to say.

“I’d really like to do this more,” he utters, eyes on your face now. “And not just on weekends. Whenever we can work out a schedule, that would be great. I mean, he and I have so much to—“

“Of course, Jungkook,” you cut him off, knowing he meant to say that there’s so much time to make up for and you don’t want today’s meeting to end on that note. “Let’s work something out, I’m sure Jungwon would love that, too.”

You exchange numbers, as well as awkward smiles, like you’re some teenagers saying goodbye on their first date. It’s a little refreshing though - way better than the last time when he was shouting and crying in front of you.

Any passerby may think it’s the makings of a romantic relationship, but if they only knew. You loved this man, and quite frankly, you’re unsure if you ever stopped.

“I’ll see you again, yeah?” You finally say.

“Okay then. I’ll see you.”

It’s not lost on you and Jungkook that you’re both on very unfamiliar territory.

During your time together, you’d had moments wherein you weren’t particularly fond of each other or weren’t in the mood yet had been comfortable in the silence. The tension was never overwhelming and you just let the moment pass until all was good again.

The longest fight you had lasted for 3 days. Yoongi called for a celebratory dinner over his song making it to the top of the charts and you were ignoring Jungkook, who sat next to you talking to your other friends.

It was an hour later when he eventually pulled you in a hug, and whispered that he missed you and won’t be drinking banana milk for a whole week as punishment for accidentally deleting your entire midterm paper. You caved in then, laughed and deemed it punishment enough, and spent the rest of the night working on said paper in your dorm, a behaved Jungkook playing mobile games next to you.

When it came to both of you, no silence was too loud, no conversation was ever unwanted, and no moment was ever too tense and uncomfortable.

Except for that time in your apartment.

And maybe now, when you’re both seated in front of each other, Jungwon to your left and of all times, decided that he just has to finish coloring the butterfly from his art class. There are two seats that have been empty the past 15 minutes, and you and Jungkook have been engulfed in the most awkward silence there is, even with the background chatter of the restaurant you’re in.

Days after the brunch and official meet up almost two weeks ago, Jungkook had asked to grab dinner - you picked up Jungwon from daycare after you were off at 6PM and headed to the restaurant with Taehyung in tow, only to find Jimin accompanying his best friend. Two days later, the same thing happened, only with Namjoon and Jin that time.

The Sunday after that, you had both Namjoon and Taehyung with you - because your brother wouldn’t confirm immediately and you needed a backup - as you and Jungwon walked to the park, only to find Jin and Jimin there as well. Everyone, of course, burst out laughing but neither you nor Jungkook found it funny.

“What are we, your chaperones?” Jin had asked then, laughing at the whole situation upon realizing what you and Jungkook had both been up to, calling up friends to join you on the weekly father-and-son dates. “You’re both adults who can very well manage conversations, don’t you think?” Jin continued.

You and Jungkook had shyly stolen glances at each other, nervous to be caught looking at the other’s reaction, because Jin had been right. You can only wonder what Jungkook's reasons are but you were calling them up to accompany you because you don’t actually know how to carry a conversation with Jungkook anymore.

You don’t know what to say that isn’t an apology, you’re nervous to talk about Jungwon and make Jungkook feel bad again for how much he’s missed out on, and you can’t really talk about yourself because this isn’t about you - it’s about your son and the relationship he needs to develop with his father.

Never mind the feeling of longing, of the curiosity over what made Jungkook come home, of the interest in his life in the US and how he’s been doing.

Never mind that you want to hug him because everything has been overwhelming and Jungkook always knew how to make you feel better with his hugs and caresses. You don’t have that right anymore, you think. You don’t have the right to ask about his life after you broke his heart, you don’t have the right to miss him, nor to get to know him all over again.

You need your brother and your best friend not just to carry conversations but also as support when you feel weak, as you observe Jungwon be so natural around his father.

Jungkook had only introduced himself by his name but Jungwon had taken to calling him Cookie Monster since their moment during that first brunch. No uncle, no anything, and you hope it stays that way.

Jungkook had also been bringing different brands of chocolate milk and you’d overheard him describe the taste and texture like a 4 year old would understand, and Jungwon had been asking you to buy each brand that Jungkook had introduced.

You'd heard him ask your son about his favorite animals, what he likes to eat when he’s sad or happy, and what his favorite bedtime stories are. You’d felt your heart balloon in size at this, how careful and thoughtful Jungkook still is, how gentle and caring, and how careful, seeing as he stops himself from ruffling Jungwon’s hair or engulfing him in a hug.

You felt like crying when you’d seen your son answer every question with enthusiasm then ask Jungkook the same things, too, and even more when he finishes coloring and tugs Jungkook to ask if he likes it.

It’s those moments that break and hold you up at the same time. It hurts to be reminded of what you deprived them of but it’s also comforting to see how natural everything has been for them.

Jungwon is shy but gravitates towards those he connects with, that he feels comfortable around, people who are like him. It’s why he’s very fond of Taehyung, and why he runs to Namjoon to be carried on his shoulder or to be tossed in the air because your brother may be serious yet clumsy but he’s careful and gentle when it comes to your son.

You used to think that if you hadn’t been a single parent, Jungwon wouldn’t be as close to you, seeing your lack of gentleness. You’d only learned to be so because you’d treated him like a fragile being, out of the fear of what would’ve happened if the fetal distress wasn’t detected as early as it was. If anything, your son has taught you to be more tender, affectionate, more loving.

You cried so many nights in the room you shared with him, and you wanted to believe that his lack of crying as an infant was because he was giving you the time and space for it, that it was okay. He was quiet, barely caused trouble, and you also believed it was his way of telling you that you can depend on him not to make things too hard, too. You’d held him so tightly every night as he grew older, and he learned to do the same.

In the moments that he'd caught you breaking down because of work or other things, he’d climb on your lap and hug and kiss you until you stopped crying. Like that one time when you randomly went on social media and saw the engagement rumors between Jungkook and Korean-American model-actress Maia Park. It was two years ago. It’s what also convinced you to finally, finally let Jungkook go and move on.

Jungwon hugged you until he fell asleep, and you hugged him even tighter, as the hope of you three being a complete family died that day. Since then, you’d stopped checking social media and stopped religiously following the Dodgers’ games, only using them as background noise since Jungwon somehow found throwing and hitting balls amusing. Like father, like son, you used to think.

You don’t realize you’d reminisced again until your phone beeps, the same time as Jungkook’s does. You’ve been in this restaurant for over 15 minutes and your friends are never late.

“Jimin says that he was asked to stay for costume fitting,” Jungkook says, reading the text message.

“Taehyung says that he tripped on a block and ended up splashing the entire paint can he was holding on his wall and it looks like the shape of a pretty tree and now he’s filled with inspiration and wants to repaint it,” you say in one breath, causing Jungkook to laugh at your deep exhale after.

“Hmm, very original,” he says.

“Very Taehyung, you mean. At least Jimin’s excuse is more believable,” you answer back.

“Well, they pulled the stops tonight, didn’t they? Reminds me of that time when Yoongi treated all of us because his song topped the charts. He said that he actually just had a minimal role and that wasn’t a cause for a celebration,” Jungkook shrugs. “You’d been mad at me for days and I kept complaining so they admitted setting it up so we could see each other.”

“Are you serious? All this time? I was so proud of Yoongi for that, kept bragging to my friends that he was big time because of that song,” you laugh, willing your heart to not go overboard with its beating because the most that Jungkook has spoken to you when he wasn’t angry, it’s to recall a memory of you together.

“Well, they tricked us then but they’re very transparent right now.”

You laugh again and you pinch yourself for overreacting to not-so-funny statements. You hate that even after all this time, Jungkook still makes you feel giddy. Now, there’s just an added desire for him to pay attention, for you to impress him, a complete opposite of how you started years ago.

It’s silent for a while, and you and Jungkook turn to Jungwon at the same time, probably thinking the same thing that the kid will be your distraction but his eyes have been focused on the butterfly, and he’s not budging. Not even when you ask how he’s doing because he just replies with a hum and you know that’s code for don’t disturb me, I’m busy.

“We should order,” Jungkook finally says, and it takes another couple of minutes before you both decide on what you’ll have.

With no other source of distraction, Jungkook settles on making the first move.

“So… how are things? How’s work?” He asks, sipping on his glass of water like it’s the tastiest thing in the world.

“Good. I, uhm, work for an events management company so we do parties, fundraisers, bazaars, things like that. It’s a lot of work but my boss is very kind and lets me take some days off to compensate for working on weekends and stuff,” you respond, willing yourself to be more comfortable.

“Oh, so it’s not the marketing firm anymore, that’s great. Namjoon said you worked over 12 hours then and I can’t imagine how tiring that must be.”

“You talked to my brother… about me?” You ask, trying not to read into it much. You assumed they only talked about meeting Jungwon, but Namjoon never mentioned anything more and you wonder why.

“Yeah, I just, uh…” Jungkook stammers, trying to come up with an excuse but he knows you’ll see right through him.

“I just asked how things were for you during uh, the pregnancy, and after.”

“Why?”

“I just wanted to know if there were any issues with Jungwon’s birth, you know? Wanted to know if he got everything he needed…”

You wince at the insinuation that you wouldn’t make sure that Jungwon would get everything he needed and Jungkook picks up on this and tries to save himself before it’s too late, before you think he’s an asshole for making such an assumption.

“I mean, of course he did. Not that I don’t think you didn’t make sure he got the best of everything.”

“I tried my best, Jungkook, and you’ve spent time with Jungwon. He’s doing well, I’d like to think that has much to do with how I raised him,” you say, your tone a mix of sadness and anger. You never had to defend yourself for how you raised your child, especially not to his father. But you also can’t blame Jungkook, especially when you’re the one who didn’t make him a part of your son’s life.

“I know, he’s such a smart and kind child. I didn’t mean to imply that you didn’t do your best. That came out wrong, I’m sorry,” he says, and you believe him. “I guess I just wanted to ask if there was anything lacking or that needed extra attention so I’d know what to compensate for, like medical bills or vitamins or other things?”

He’s right, and it makes sense. It definitely has nothing to do with him asking how you were doing, how the pregnancy and the aftermath was like for you.

“What about school? Other activities like sports or art clubs? Maybe he’s into music, we can enroll him in—”

“Jungkook…”

“Please don’t tell me not to help financially because you know I will. Not just because I’m obligated to but because I want to,” he sighs.

“Yeah, I guess we need to talk about that…” You say nervously.

“I can cover everything he needs. Does he need to switch to a better school? He’ll be in primary school next year, right? Are there other toys he wants? Maybe I can—“

“I’m doing perfectly fine in providing those, Jungkook. He doesn’t need ‘more’ or ‘better.’”

“I’m not saying you aren’t, I’m just saying I can help so that…”

He holds your gaze, knowing he can’t make you feel like he’s antagonizing you. When he asked Namjoon what you went through, he admits he wanted to feel some form of pity, as if to mask or replace the overwhelming feeling of pain and anger. Anything would’ve been better than those.

After that, the feeling turned to sadness, to helplessness, like defeat, knowing there was nothing he could’ve done to make it easier for you, to make you understand that you didn’t have to do it all by yourself just because you made a decision all on your own.

Having spent even just a short amount of time with Jungwon, he knows that his son was very much loved, was given all the best things in the world and that’s because of you - you who refused to give him less, you who worked so hard and gave everything you could, running on the sheer amount of love you have for your child even if things were difficult. Jungkook doesn’t want you to feel alone, especially in providing for Jungwon.

What Namjoon said hit him, how you only ever asked help if it was about your son, but never when it was about you. Jungkook knows you still wouldn’t, so he’ll make sure to ease the financial burden, the worry, the stress, the amount of time you spend taking care of your child that’s taken away from the time you spend taking care of yourself.

Because he’s noticed - he’s noticed the bags under your eyes, the slight shaking of your hands that’s probably from the excessive amount of caffeine intake, your work phone that constantly buzzes even when you’re off the clock, your consumption of sodas that signifies your heightened stress.

There’s a droopiness to your face, a mark of tiredness that’s laid permanent residence in your whole being. He doesn’t even wanna ask when the last time you had proper rest was.

“I’m saying I can and want to help so you can have time for yourself, too,” he continues. “So you won’t feel the need to clock in extra hours or take extra jobs, so you can have actual time of not worrying about anything. I mean, kids can sense if their parents are stressed and they can acquire that...”

Your eyes widen at his statement again, causing him to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration because he’s really not saying this the way he wants to, but then he also doesn’t know how to tell you these things without him sounding like he believes you’re not good enough for Jungwon. Because you are, more than he can imagine.

“I’m terrible at this,” Jungkook says.

But you laugh. You laugh because he looks stressed and worried over what he’s telling you but you get him. Mad as he was a few weeks ago, you know he’d never harbor such terrible feelings towards you to the point of doubting your capabilities as a mother.

You wish he means more, though, but you settle for this. He will help in all ways he can because he doesn’t want you to be too stressed out. Jungwon is at the age where he can pick these things up; your habits are things he can acquire and you don’t want that.

“It’s okay, I understand,” you smile, and it’s the softest one you’ve given Jungkook since he’s arrived.

“Jungwon will be starting primary school next year so there’s this kindergarten I saw; they balance the learning with the arts really well and they do a lot of field trips and I think it’s a good transition to first grade.”

“That sounds really good. So that’s where you plan to enroll him this fall?”

“Yeah. It’s private though, and it’s affiliated with the primary school I was hoping to enroll him in next year, that’s also private. I was gonna get a loan from the bank and—”

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry. I can take care of his fees in kindergarten and daycare too, if you don’t mind.”

“That’s too much, Jungkook.”

“It’s not. You’ve worked too hard the past 5 years. You can take care of the other essentials because you know him best. Let me take care of the others, and vitamins too and check ups and stuff. Please.”

He’s insistent and you know he won’t budge. You also know it’s his right and obligation to do all this.

“Okay, then. Whatever I save can go to his college fund.”

“Which I’ll also be contributing to…”

“Yes, that’s correct,” you smile.

The food arrives and the silence isn’t as suffocating. It’s a first step, deciding on the financial aspect of raising your child. You know there are many others, but there’s definitely one very important one to discuss.

Jungkook clears his throat and peeks at Jungwon who’s busy with his stew, mindless of the others around him, with you constantly wiping his cheeks and reminding him to drink his water. You turn to Jungkook with a curious gaze.

“When can we uh, tell him about me?”

Of course. When will you tell your son that Cookie Monster is actually his father?

“Oh, uhm. Well. He’s definitely comfortable around you already. But I think it’ll take some more time. I don’t wanna rush him because it’s big news since it’s just been me and his uncle Taehyung and uncle Namjoon for a long time and…”

“No one else?”

“What do you mean, no one else? I mean of course there’s Jimin but they don’t see each other as much and…”

“You know what I mean,” he says softly, as if he doesn’t want to directly say it.

“Oh. Uhm. Well, I dated someone before but like, it wasn’t—“

“Did he want to be Jungwon’s father? Did Jungwon like him?”

“I don’t introduce men I go out with to Jungwon, Jungkook. I mean, the men know I have a son but I never introduce them.”

“Why not?”

“Why do you need to ask? It’s only you. It’s always just gonna be you.”

“Has he asked about… me?”

“Just twice. He’s curious but he doesn’t dwell on it.”

Jungkook just nods, taking everything in.

“I always planned on telling you, Jungkook. I hope you know that. I just needed the right time, and I had to figure it out especially after your en…” You pause, hoping not to open this can of worms because things are already going well.

“My what?”

“Your supposed engagement with…”

“Those were rumors, ___. We were never engaged, never planned on it,” he corrects.

“So you two aren’t…?”

“We broke up over a year ago.”

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding in.

“Relieved?” He smirks.

“Just thought that, you know, Jungwon will have another mother and he’ll call her like, Mommy or Mother or something and she might be more fun and gorgeous and—“

“Hey,” Jungkook interrupts your rambling. He chooses not to comment on your now glassy eyes, which stare at his hand that’s found itself on top of yours. He immediately removes it and calls for you to look at him.

“That’s not happening, okay? And if I did marry someone else, that woman will just be a stepmother by name. You’re Jungwon’s mother, the only one. No one will be more fun and gorgeous in his eyes, you got that?”

“Yeah,” you mumble. “Thank you.”

You decide to dial it back before your thoughts go elsewhere. “But going back to your question, let’s play it by ear, is that okay? He’s very attentive so he’ll maybe ask more about you one day. I also don’t want to rush him.”

“Sure, I mean. I don’t wanna scare him away too. We’ve been making progress.”

“I know! He’s very natural around you.”

“Doesn’t mind me when he’s coloring or eating, though,” Jungkook pouts.

“You’re not alone in that,” you laugh. “This one time, he was coloring this picture of a unicorn and I was trying to get his attention because it had been a long day and I wanted a hug and he shushed me and told me to be quiet. Like, this little kid really shushed me, huh?”

“Is he really as sweet as we believe him to be?” Jungkook laughs.

“Actually, when he was finished, he went to my lap and hugged and kissed me, told me not to be sad anymore.”

“Okay I’ll never doubt him again,” he smiles.

“And then there was one time, I baked muffins and I asked him to try so he was nibbling the edges, then the crown. And he was taking his time! And I kept asking if it was good and he was just humming until there was just the center left that had some chocolate custard and he ate it in one bite and was just smiling at me then…”

You pause at Jungkook’s longing smile, the kind where he’s happy but also wishes he’d been there.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

“No, no. Please. I wanna hear these stories. Don’t hold back. Don’t mind how I react,” Jungkook explains. “At least I won’t have to imagine how he was like growing up.”

Your heart warms at this, at the shift from the angry man the other week to one who’s now softening at the stories of your son, something that’s making you feel a hundred times better.

Jungkook meant it when he said that he just wants to focus on what happens next. He’s spent so many sleepless nights thinking about the night of the break up, what went wrong, how different things would be, all the what if’s in your relationship, and in his relationship with his son.

He has let himself feel all the negative emotions towards you and he didn’t like it, didn’t like that he could feel all that for the woman who’d been his world, his light, the love of his life. He doesn’t want to focus anymore on the time lost but on the time he can make up for, for the time that he now has.

You indulge him, tell him stories about Jungwon, how he was a little late with talking and used to write letters from right to left, how you worried about this but how it was easily addressed, being that Ara is a developmental pediatrician and had taught you different practices to ensure his speech and cognitive skills are in tune with his developmental stage.

You talk about his first steps, his first trip to the park, and how he’s afraid of the water - just like his mother, Jungkook says. You talk about how he likes fish so much so he doesn’t eat them, but that he loves vegetables and would only throw tantrums if he doesn’t get to eat sweets.

And you talk about how respectful he is, charming in his own shy and soft ways but a fighter all the same, how he’s very smart and can do many things on his own.

“He really took the best parts of us, don’t you think?” Jungkook says, as he looks at Jungwon who’s coloring a ladybug this time. “Strong and independent like you, charming and cute like me?”

You burst into laughter. “You think those are your best qualities?” You ask.

“I mean there’s more and I could definitely list them all now but also, look at him! He’s so adorable, and he got that from me!”

“He is, and he did get that from you, I won’t lie,” you say, something that you always thought about, how the universe was cruel and wonderful at the same time for gifting you a child who looks just like the man you loved with all your heart, who reminded you everyday of what you lost and of, ironically, what you still had.

“He has your lips, though, and those scrunched eyebrows when he’s focused,” he points out, and he says it with so much affection. “I’m sure there’s more he got from you and I can't wait to discover them all.”

“Me, too, Jungkook. Me too,” you say, ignoring the thrumming of your heart.

It’s Jungwon’s yawn that forces you and Jungkook out of your bubble again, not realizing the time that’s passed. You’re glad you had an early clock out today so at least it’s not yet too late and the little one can make it to bed on time.

The dinner ends and Jungkook walks you and a sleepy Jungwon to your car, the silence a welcome one this time.

“So, I have a busy rest of the week so uhm, can we meet on Saturday? There’s a park with this cool playground near my apartment; I think Jungwon will like it there. We can have lunch after,” Jungkook says as you close the backseat door.

“Of course! Just text me the address and the time and we’ll be there,” you respond, liking this new dynamic between the both of you, texting each other on when and where to meet, freed up schedules and all.

You both stand there awkwardly though, unsure how exactly to end the night, given that your friends had ditched you both. Your phones beeping saves you this time.

“How was it?” You and Jungkook say at the same time.

“They’re not even being subtle about it,” he laughs.

“I bet they’re actually together right now, thinking of the best time to message,” you say.

“Probably not expecting we’d go on this long, too,” he mumbles, peering up to look at you with that shy smile of his, and you hope there’s no physical manifestation of how flushed you are right now.

“It was a good night. Thank you, Jungkook.”

“Thanks, too. So, uh, I’ll go ahead,” he says, then nods and turns away. It was a good night, and it was the first time that he felt comfortable, light. Like things were okay, like things are really going to get better.

His mind goes back to weeks ago at your apartment - how he acted, the anger seeping through him, and how you looked - tears falling helplessly down your cheeks, a sight he’s never seen before, and one he doesn’t want to see again. He couldn’t hold you then, he didn’t have the mind nor the heart to. He’s not sure if he’s ready now, so he settles with words instead.

“___,” he calls out.

You turn around, not really expecting anything else, and for a moment, your heart stops beating.

He walks towards you with a shy look on his face, although his eyes avoid yours.

“I just, uh. I just wanted to apologize for that day at your apartment when I—“

“Jungkook, you don’t have to—“

“Just let me, please,” he interjects you this time, his voice soft, and a long breath escapes him. “I’m sorry.”

“I won’t accept it. You shouldn’t be sorry for the things you said because they’re what you felt. They’re warranted and—“

“Then I’m sorry for how I said them. That’s, that’s not who I am. You didn’t deserve that,” he stammers.

“I did,” you respond, and there’s a pang in his chest at your resigned tone. “And it’s okay. I would’ve reacted the same way.”

“I know I’ll never truly understand why, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done for him.”

“He might’ve been unplanned but it doesn’t mean he’s a mistake. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me,” you say, meeting his eyes.

It’s a moment you share that needs no words, and Jungkook nods and leaves it at that because deep in his heart, he knows that Jungwon is the best thing that’s ever happened to him, too.

“Text me when you get home, okay?” He says.

You mumble an okay and head out, forcing yourself to stop smiling like an idiot the whole drive back home.

[To: Jungkook] We’re home. Thank you again.

[From: Jungkook] Alright! I had a really good time tonight. Sleep well, you two. Good night :)

And with that, you don’t stop smiling like an idiot until you fall asleep.

You trip over trains and dolls on the floor, hastily putting them in the box that houses most of Jungwon’s toys. You place all the laundry in the washing machine, quickly fix your bed, and remove the clutter on the coffee table.

By some not-so-great turn of events, you had a client schedule a 2PM meeting on a Saturday that you couldn’t turn down, which meant that you then had to meet your team at 11AM to prepare.

You’re glad that Jungkook didn’t make a fuss about it when you called him in the morning, saying that you can’t make it to the park like you agreed to do. You trust him dearly but it’s still too early in the getting-to-know-you stage, so you’re not sure how Jungwon will take it if he spends the day with Jungkook without you. You expected him to reschedule but said his Sunday is full and asked if he could just go to your place instead.

“He and I can just play or watch cartoons, is that okay? I was really hoping to spend today with him but if it’s too much, that’s fine,” Jungkook said over the phone.

You didn’t have the heart to turn him down so you agreed.

You tried to do whatever cleaning up you can manage because you didn’t want him to judge you for still being a little messy and you wanted everything organized while you focused on your meetings.

With Jungwon bathed and with snacks placed on the table, you think you’re ready for your guest, who should be arriving right about now.

The doorbell rings and it’s a familiar sight, but a welcome one. You lead Jungkook in, tell him it’s just a humble one-bedroom apartment and he waves you off. He settles the lunch he bought on the table - noodles and seafood pancakes, Jungwon’s favorites, you'd mentioned.

“He’s in the room, I’ll go get him,” you say, and walk the several steps to your bedroom.

Jungkook looks around and takes it in. He was too angry the last time he was here so he didn’t pay much attention. It’s pretty clean, he thinks, and laughs at the thought that you probably did a quick clean up before he arrived since you’re not usually this organized. Or maybe that’s changed with you too, as with other things.

“Hey, buddy,” Jungkook greets. He kneels and tells Jungwon that they’ll be spending time today while Mama works and Jungwon says he’s excited. He leads Jungkook to your not-so-grand living room and takes out some dinosaurs from one box, mumbling about them being in trouble, then opens another one.

“Then Ironman saves them all!” Jungwon announces.

The look on Jungkook’s face is unrivaled, the kind you secretly have been hoping for, hence why you deliberately kept this from him; you wanted Jungwon to be the one to reveal his undying love for the superhero. You’re surprised he’s never mentioned it before, but you also think that he wanted to show-off his toy collection first.

“You’ve been holding out on me!” Jungkook tells you. “He… We… We both believe in Ironman supremacy, ___. He’s really my—”

You nudge his shoulder before he prematurely reveals the truth, and you laugh at his expression and his wide eyes as he goes through the Ironman box because of course it has its own, as all the toys are delicately placed inside.

Jungkook is in awe but really, it’s not much. They’re all just different versions of the same dolls and cars. You’ve tried to limit this because Jungwon will outgrow them at one point, but thinking about Jungkook’s continued love for the superhero, you think Jungwon actually might not.

The two get in their groove immediately and sit side-by-side, Jungwon introducing each of his toys because each Ironman has a different name. Jungkook indulges him and starts making sounds and Jungwon joins him until it’s just a chorus of pppshssss and bangbangbang and pfffffftpboom and you can’t help but laugh along.

Taehyung always deemed those superhero movies to be too loud so he wasn’t into the toys either, and Namjoon would always end up explaining the science and ethics of superpowers as if his nephew is one of his college students, so for Jungwon to have someone who just gets him, even if it’s just about making sounds and making Ironman toys fly and protect the dinosaurs from a meteor, you’re happy that the little one is happy.

You leave them for a while and set the table, asking them over to eat with neither one standing up.

“Kids,” you call their attention, hands on your waist now. “Can we have lunch now please before Mama has to get ready for work?”

This feels so domestic and so real. You miss the way Jungkook’s lips form into a smile as you refer to yourself in third person and sound as if you’re reprimanding them. Since Jungkook has found out about Jungwon, he never imagined he’d actually get to experience this.

You clear your throat and it’s a sign for Jungkook that he has to follow, as the adult, so he gets the little one’s attention and brings all the toys on the table to join you three as you eat.

It’s hilarious as they both converse with their toys and essentially leave you out but you let them, choosing instead to bask in this scene and the joy painted on both their faces. You wish this moment together wouldn’t end, though, but you also know that may be too much to ask. Jungkook is here to get to know your son, and that’s that.

You let them settle in the living room as you go from one meeting to another, stealing glances every once in a while just so you’ll have another memory of them bonding seared in your brain, for times when you need to feel better, when you want to feel happy.

The rest of the afternoon goes that way. They go from saving the dinosaurs, to watching cartoons, then playing with blocks, earning them scowls and laughter every time those tip over and crash, creating loud sounds and distracting your work. But you smile immediately at their panicked and guilty faces, until they proceed to do the same thing.

It’s around 5PM when you finish, exhaustion creeping up on you. Jungwon surprisingly still has energy, but you see him forcing it because he wants to keep playing.

“Let’s go for an early dinner, yeah? I can order some pizza then you two can start preparing for bed,” Jungkook offers.

You mindlessly nod from the dining table as you put away your laptop and notebook. “That sounds good, Jungkook. Thank you,” you respond.

“And maybe you can take a nap first while we wait. I’ll help him clean up the mess, too.”

You smile at this. Despite everything, he’s still the same thoughtful and considerate man you met all those years ago. You nod and head to them, kneeling in front of Jungwon who’s now sitting so closely to Jungkook.

“Hey, sweetcheeks. Mama’s tired so I’ll just get some rest, okay? You’ll be fine with Cookie Monster over here?” You ask.

“Yes, Mama,” he says, and proceeds to hug you and kiss your nose.

“Okay, love you my little bug,” you say, and head to your room for a quick nap, not before you call out that Jungwon only eats cheese pizza.

It’s the knock on your bedroom door that wakes you, signaling that the food has arrived.

You head to the dining room, still clad in your leggings and pink sweatshirt, and Jungkook does a double take at your sleepy eyes, scrunched up nose, and messy hair. You’re still so adorable after a nap, but he shakes off the thought before you catch him with a silly smile on his face.

It’s Jungwon’s elephant and tiger stuffed toys having dinner with you this time, and unlike earlier in the day, there’s less theatrics and you all settle on small conversations, definitely tired but satisfied.

Jungwon is busy munching on the cheese and the soft parts of the dough, Jungkook is watching him in amusement, and you’re watching Jungkook in awe, thinking of how he pulled through today, coming over to make sure that he got to spend it with his son, taking care of everything like the food and cleaning up because you were too busy and too tired to do so, even if you know he’s had a tiring week too.

You never doubted his desire to get to know Jungwon but his patience and attention to everything have really surprised you. He listens carefully to the little one, asks what he thinks and feels, lets him lead and decide games and shows to watch, and talks to him like an adult. You wonder if he’d asked Taehyung or Namjoon for tips or he’d done some reading. But regardless, you appreciate it so much. You might not have had the start you wanted but it’s definitely going the way you want it to.

And as Jungkook giggles and wipes the cheese off Jungwon’s face, as he fills his glass with water and asks if he wants more, you see the affection on Jungkook’s whole being, you see the care and the warmth. You see the love.

It’s familiar; it’s similar to how he used to look at you. And it’s this moment that you wish that he learns to look at you that way again.

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seijorhi · 4 years

Note

This isn't a request or anything but I had a soulmate AU idea that I think you'd like.... And reminded me of Oikawa. Imagine you find ur soulmate from their name written on your skin on ur 16/18 bday, but.... You're blind. And dating Oikawa. And he /swears/ your name is on his skin... But when your birthday rolls around, he insists you don't show anyone else.... And starts buying you clothes to cover the mark.... And you hear him whispering about his mark to Iwa.... And you begin to worry. 👀

I know it wasn’t specifically meant as a request, but I took the idea and ran with it - I hope it’s okay!! 💕

Oikawa Tooru x Female Reader

TW gaslighting, manipulation, dub con nsfw, blind reader

Part II

Always

“You promise me it’s there?”

Are you sure it’s me?

Rich, warm laughter fills the air around you, and despite the tension gnawing away in your stomach, the corners of your lips twitch into a soft smile.

“You don’t believe me!”

He’s happy. Even gasping in mock indignation Tooru can’t quite manage to keep it from his voice.

He has every reason to be; you’re both home for the first time in a year and a half, settled in the well worn couch at his parents house, your friends sprawled out either side of you. He’s twenty one today and as of five minutes ago the proud owner of his very own soulmate mark.

Or so he tells you.

“Well it’s not like I can see it,” you tease, nudging yourself closer so that you can rest your head against his shoulder and sighing loudly. “It could be Issei’s name for all I know, and you’re all just too nice to break the news to me.”

The choked snort from your left side makes you giggle, but not as much as the sound of your boyfriend fake gagging.

“Please, he fucking wishes!”

“Iwa tell her!” Oikawa demands, and you can just imagine the way that Iwaizumi’s eyes must roll before he ultimately gives in.

He always does.

“It’s yours,” he sighs. “Unfortunately you’re stuck with him, Y/N. My condolences.”

Yours.

It’s hard, even as raucous laughter fills the air around you and Oikawa turns to shout at his best friend, to deny the warm fluttering in your chest. The arm around you eases you closer, a thumb absentmindedly stroking at your side and you allow yourself to relax against him.

It’s your name on his skin. You’re his soulmate.

For the first time in weeks, it feels like you can breathe easy. You wonder if Oikawa knew, if he noticed the way you held onto him just that little bit tighter - like you were scared to let go.

You’ve loved Oikawa for as long as you can remember, but you only get one soulmate. Was it really so outlandish to wonder whether his first love would be his last? Whether you could ever be good enough to be his?

The little blind girl, always following at his heels.

For all your faults, you’ve never been naive. You know how amazing he is - Tooru has always been destined for great things and you were just his highschool sweetheart.

A hindrance, one of his very dedicated fans had once taken the time to inform you, clinging desperately to whatever scraps of pity he felt charitable enough to throw your way.

Neither one of you had realised that Oikawa had heard every damn word.

—

“Can you just…”

Oikawa pauses, the hand he has wrapped around yours squeezes lightly. “Hmm?”

Breathe deep. Just say it.

Tell him.

You’re almost at the gate, your flight’s leaving in twenty minutes (and you would have been there sooner if he hadn’t insisted on dragging you through every overpriced store in the damn airport) and in a few hours, you’ll be home again.

But it isn’t the thought of being back in Japan that worries you. Your bottom lip catches between your teeth, your heart thumping unsteadily in your chest. His birthday is in two days, and that’s when he’ll find out who his soulmate is supposed to be. And you trust him, you love him. Even if the name on his forearm isn't yours, it’s not like he’s just going to suddenly toss you aside like yesterday’s trash, but… things’ll change, you know they will. And you couldn’t even blame him for that, because how much effort can you really be expected to put into a relationship if you know they’re not the one you’re supposed to end up with?

The doubts you have, the ones that fester and play on your every insecurity, keeping you up at night long after Tooru has drifted off - you’ve tried to shut them out and ignore them as best you can, but you just can’t get on that plane without having some kind of reassurance.

What if it’s not you?

“Just promise me that if…” your breath catches in your throat, and you try to force a smile on your face even though you know that it wobbles. “If it’s not- if I’m not-”

Soft lips press against yours, cutting you off. It’s only for a heartbeat, enough to get you to stop the panicked tumble of words you couldn’t quite get out, but for you it feels like it lasts a lifetime. You could lose yourself in Oikawa’s kisses, you think. Lose yourself and be happy for it.

A warm palm cups your face. “I love you,” he says, and it isn’t the murmured declaration first thing in the morning, his voice still thick with sleep as he rolls over to kiss you good morning, and it isn’t the cheesy, throwaway line he gives whenever you save him the last bite of the milk bread that he specifically bought for you (because god knows his coach would kill him if he found out he ate the entire thing himself).

It’s a promise.

“You are my soulmate,” his thumb strokes along your cheekbone, and you can’t help but lean into the touch. “You’re the only one I’m ever going to want.”

Standing on the outskirts of your gate, moments away from boarding the plane that’ll take you both home, you’re not entirely sure if he’s trying to tell you that he’s certain that the name on his arm is going to be yours, or that he doesn’t care if it isn’t.

Either way, it’s enough.

“You’re mine,” he breathes, and captures your lips in another kiss - this one brimming with ardent devotion, a love too deep for either one of you to speak.

—

Hours later, Iwa, Makki and Mattsun are all asleep downstairs and it’s just Tooru and you curled up in his bed. You suppose you shouldn’t be surprised that being back in his childhood bedroom did little in the way of curbing his appetite, but between giggles and breathy moans, Oikawa’s hand clamped over your mouth and his lips at your ear-

‘Shhh, you have to keep it down, cutie. Unless you want the whole house to hear all the pretty sounds you make when you’re about to cum for me?’

- he manages to wring four orgasms out of you before the two of you collapse back against the mattress, all sweaty and panting.

And you think he’s fallen asleep now, an arm slung around your waist, his face buried against the nape of your neck despite the warmth of the balmy summer night. With his chest flush against your back, you can feel the steady rhythm of his heart, lulling you gently to sleep with every beat.

Soulmate.

This, here, in Oikawa’s arms, this is where you belong, where you’ve always belonged. And yet even with happiness and relief and an overwhelming love singing through your veins - keeping you wide awake - you can’t deny that it feels… strange almost, knowing that out of seven and a half billion people, you’re the one he’s marked for.

He’d sounded so sure back at the airport, like there wasn’t even the possibility of doubt in his mind that you were the one for him. And maybe he was just saying it to calm you down and get your ass on the plane, but if the situations were reversed and it was your birthday first… could you really say with one hundred percent certainty that you knew it would be his name that’d show up on your arm?

You love him more than you’ve ever loved anybody else (more than you ever probably will love anybody else), it’s just that you’ve always known that the two of you were on wildly different paths. Tooru’s the starting setter for a pro volleyball team, and there’s already whispers of that national squad, Olympic selection.

He’s talented and driven and sometimes you wonder whether you ever would have left Miyagi let alone Japan at all if it hadn’t been for him dragging you along with him.

You’ve always been so content in your own little bubble. You cling to what’s comfortable, what you know - all your life, you’ve been told that you’re not defined by your disability, but you’ve never tried to push yourself beyond it.

With Tooru, you’ve never had to.

That girl, years ago - she wasn’t wrong. You do cling to him, like you’d clung to your friends and your family. And maybe that’s not the worst thing in the world, but when you compare what Oikawa has to offer his soulmate compared to what you bring to the table, and-

“I can hear you thinking from here,” your apparently not-so-asleep-after-all boyfriend murmurs in your ear. “Tell me what’s bothering my pretty girl.”

You sigh, rolling over to face him. It’s pointless to lie to Tooru - he can read you better than anyone else - but admitting the whole truth, even here under this little refuge of soft intimacy between the two of you, feels harder than it should be.

“You’re not… disappointed, are you?”

The harrumph that escapes his lips sounds almost offended, but the brush of his lips against the tip of your nose is sweet. “How long have I known you?” he asks.

Your forehead wrinkles at the question. “Fifteen or so years, I guess?”

You’d only been six or so when your family had moved in the house next door to his, across the street from Iwaizumi’s, and you can still vividly remember the first time you met him - crying in your front yard with a scraped up knee - always too eager for your own good.

“Hmm,” he acknowledges, “and how long have we been dating?”

“Seven-ish years?”

He chuckles, kissing you again, this time on your cheek. “And how long do you think I’ve been in love with you?”

Your whole face warms, and you fight the urge to bury it in his bare chest, especially when he reaches out to tuck a stray lock of hair that had fallen out of place back behind your ear. “Tooru-”

He sighs again, the sound tinged with just a hint of fond exasperation. “Give me your hand.”

You oblige, and you feel his long fingers curl around yours, tucking all of your fingers but your index away and drawing your hand closer towards him. It’s only when your pointer brushes against skin that you realise what he’s trying to do. Still, you don’t offer a word as Tooru slowly traces your finger along the dark letters on his skin - his soulmate mark.

Your name.

“I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, Y/N. You’re mine, you’ve always been mine, just as I’m yours,” he vows, and you almost shiver with the intensity that burns in every word. “Any other name would have been nothing more than a filthy lie.”

Any further protests are swallowed up by another kiss, and your boyfriend takes it upon himself to show you exactly how much he adores you, over and over again, until sheer, utter exhaustion drags you to sleep in his arms.

—

Your own twenty-first birthday is a vastly different kind of affair. For one, the two of you decide to stay in Argentina - Oikawa’s mid season and can’t afford the time off training to traipse back home again.

Which means that it is just the two of you alone in your villa when you feel an odd burning sensation start to creep through your left arm. It doesn’t hurt exactly, more like a warm tingling sensation that flows along your skin as one by one the letters of your soulmate’s name come to light.

The sharp little gasp that slips from your lips must have alerted Tooru - hovering as he had been for the better part of the day - because his hands are on your arm within a moment, flipping it over and eagerly dragging it closer for him to inspect. His own breath hitches in his throat, his fingers tightening on your soft skin and a tentative smile works its way across your face.

People have told you before that your boyfriend is handsome - stupidly beautiful, you’d once overheard one of your old high school classmates bemoan. His voice certainly is, soft and pretty and lilting, warm like the first rays of the sun on a cool winter’s morning, though not without its sharpness. Oikawa always has had a wicked tongue. In your head, you picture a face to match, delicate, angular features, warm eyes and a grin that’s just a little impish. Trouble, but the irresistible kind.

You wish you could see it now, watch your soulmate’s eyes widen with delight, or maybe soften with quiet awe. You want to see him happy, deliriously so, you want to look into those lovely eyes of his and see all the love that’s coursing through your veins right now reflected right back at you.

He still hasn’t spoken a word.

The slow drag of a breath, shaky and too sharp, had your bright smile freezing on your face. His grip hasn’t relented, fingers calloused from years of playing volleyball digging into your arm almost painfully. The air between you two is still, he hasn’t moved, not so much as a twitch.

Unease creeps its way into your stomach.

Why hasn’t he said anything?

He’s never exactly been the strong, silent type, and you love him for that. Iwa often complains that his best friend likes the sound of his own voice too damn much (half heartedly at best), and maybe that’s true, but he never realised that it doesn’t bother you in the slightest.

It’s different for you, not being able to see.

You don’t exactly blame them for not understanding - how could they, really? Without your sight to help you, your other senses have to work in overdrive just to make sense of things. Tooru’s voice builds the world around you, imbues it with a spark, guides you like a hand stretching out through the darkness. It’s a gap in the void, a reassurance you cling to - because without it there’s nothing. You’re alone with only your thoughts to keep you company.

So when he goes quiet like this, it’s never a good sign.

A lump lodges its way in your throat. Without your sight, his silence is almost impossible to read, but you can sense the sudden heaviness in the air, the tension hanging thick between the two of you.

You expected dramatics. Tears, maybe, or a burst of affectionate cuddles and kisses. Gushing over your mark just as he had when his own had come through. Hell, you thought he’d grab his phone and take a thousand and one pictures just to prove to the world that you were his as much as he was yours - because you loved each other. Because you were soulmates.

Is there something wrong with your mark?

“Tooru?” you murmur, the edges of your smile starting to slip as your panic rises. “I-is everything-”

“You’re mine.”

The clipped words are little more than a whisper, hoarse and choked. It takes you by surprise, making your heart skip a beat, the knot in your stomach tighten, yet just as that paralysing apprehension starts to take root, he clears his throat, and a laugh bubbles to the surface.

Slowly, like ice thawing, his fingers relax on your forearm, gliding up over your shoulder to curl around your neck. “You love me, right?”

Your eyebrows knit together, but you nod anyway. “Always.”

There’s another shaky breath, and suddenly his arms are wrapping around you, drawing you into a tight embrace. You don’t fight it, still bewildered by the sudden whiplash of his tone.

His own heart is racing, you can feel it as he holds you against him. The question burns deep inside of your chest, a thought you don’t want to give voice to, but you can’t seem to stop yourself - it slips out before you even realise you’ve opened your mouth.

“It is your name, Tooru, isn’t it? You’re my soulmate?”

There’s a beat of silence, and Oikawa hums, resting his chin against the top of your head. “Of course it is, cutie,” he chuckles. “Who else’s name would it be?”

He takes you out for dinner to celebrate. You’d originally picked one of his favourite dresses to wear, a strapless white number with a pretty, flowing skirt that fell to your mid thigh, but Oikawa stops you before you can leave, passing you over an old denim jacket of yours.

“It’s cool out tonight,” he says as he eases it over your shoulders before you can protest.

You don’t question it.

—

He fucks you that night, hard, fast and unrelenting, holding onto you so tight that you swear you’ll have bruises come morning.

—

Oikawa likes doing little things for you.

He likes it when you hold onto his arm and let him guide you around when you go out together (you do have a cane - it sits in the back of your closet for ‘emergency uses’ only). He likes to buy you pretty things, jewellery, clothes, little trinkets that remind him of you - spoiling you with every opportunity he can, doubly so now that he has a salary that affords him that luxury.

It’s not uncommon for him to pick out your outfits. For one, you can’t see so you kind of have to rely on somebody else’s help so you don’t end up a mismatched disaster, and Tooru seems to enjoy doing it. He likes seeing you wear the things he buys for you - lacy, soft and demure.

He also likes it when people know that you’re his.

So it doesn’t strike you as odd when Tooru insists on you wearing his club hoodie over your dress the next time you go to one of his games. You might not be able to see him fly across the court, but you can hear the cheers, the roar of the crowd as they stamp their feet and chant like a battle cry when San Juan scores. You can taste the excitement in the air, and whenever your soulmate steps up to the plate to serve, you feel the rabid excitement of the crowd thrumming in your veins.

It’s warm in the stadium with so many people crammed close together, you push the sleeves up without even thinking. It’s not an issue - it shouldn’t be - but when your boyfriend slips his arms around you, fresh from the locker room post match, it’s the first thing he notices. He’s tugging them back down before you can so much as offer a hello, tersely muttering something about you getting a cold when you frown.

There’s a tiny flicker of unease at the odd behaviour, but he’s kissing you before you can linger on it for too much longer.

And if that’s all it was, maybe it would be easier for you to shove that niggling worry aside.

But once you start noticing things - little, inconsequential things you would have just shrugged off before - you can’t seem to stop, and that tiny seed of doubt starts to take root, to sprout and grow.

Your friends stop calling by. Back home your social circle was pretty much limited to Tooru, Iwa and their friends - not that you minded at all, you love them all dearly, it’s just that you didn’t really have any friends of your own outside of that little group. When you moved across to Argentina and Oikawa started training for longer hours, dedicating himself wholeheartedly to his new team, you got lonely, sitting in your new home just waiting around for him to come back to you.

And it took a while, but eventually you started to venture outside of your comfort zone and lo and behold - even with your stumbling Spanish, you managed to make a few friends! Though you can tell that your beloved boyfriend wasn’t exactly thrilled by the burgeoning new friendships you gushed to him about, he’s never begrudged you them. If it made you happy, then he was happy.

Lately though, they’ve been kind of distant. And by distant, you mean… well, nonexistent. They don’t come visit you anymore, when you call their numbers, it just rings out.

You can’t even leave voicemails - there’s just an automated voice telling you their message banks are full. Regardless, not one of them has made the effort to call you back, and it’s not like you can text them to ask why they’re avoiding you. Life gets in the way, you know that, and sometimes people just drift apart but it’s like all of a sudden they’ve just dropped off the face of the planet.

But when you mention venturing out into town one day without them while Tooru’s at practice, he seems strangely resistant to the idea.

“I just don’t like the idea of you wandering around by yourself. It’s not safe out there for you, cutie,” he tells you.

The words are saccharine, as sweet as the kisses he presses against your lips when he coaxes your chin upwards. You love him, you do. And you understand that he worries - even away from the hustle and bustle of the big cities, San Juan isn’t exactly a crime free neighbourhood, but for the first time the strong, muscular arms that wrap around your waist don’t bring comfort.

It’s like they’re a cage, locked around you and dragging you slowly down to the depths, and it’s driving you mad because you can’t figure out why it feels like that.

Biting back your annoyance, you sigh, forcing yourself to relax against him. You love him - this is normal, couples disagree all the time. “I’m not an invalid, babe. I’ve done it before - I can’t just sit around the villa all day moping all alone or I’ll go crazy.”

He hums noncommittally, his fingers trailing idly across your skin as he draws you closer still, and the conversation is dropped.

Two days later, you find your cane snapped in two in the back of the closet. Oikawa has some weights stuffed in an old gym bag for when he can’t be bothered leaving home to work out - the bag must have fallen on your cane and cracked it when he put it back after his session yesterday afternoon.

An accident, it has to be. He’d never deliberately do something so petty, right?

And there are moments where you can forget the doubts that gnaw away at your insides. Tooru has always been a caring, attentive lover - the perfect boyfriend. He seems more determined that ever to shower you in love, whether that’s by waking you up with his tongue eagerly lapping at your cunt, bringing you home bouquets of fragrant flowers and cooking the two of you dinner, or just with the tiny gestures of affection - tucking your hair back away from your face, linking his hands with yours, the little kisses and compliments he lavishes you with on a daily basis.

When it’s just the two of you, lounging around on the couch, his head resting on your lap and your fingers carding through his hair, it’s easy to pretend that everything’s fine. The two of you love each other. You’ve been his rock, his biggest supporter right from the early days, and Tooru’s the one who drew you out of your shell, who makes you feel like you’re actually worth something.

That you’re beautiful, and loved.

It’s not until you come home one afternoon from an impromptu trip to the local bakery just down the road that all the little pieces fall into place, and you realise why.

The craving for something sweet was what drew you out. Truthfully, you hadn’t really thought twice about it. It was a short trip, one you’d made a thousand times before, and it wasn’t like the locals didn’t know you, wouldn’t watch out for you if they saw you about to unknowingly hurt yourself or trip over something.

The alfajores in your hand were supposed to be a surprise, Tooru had been wound up from practice lately, more stressed than he usually was this late in the season, and you knew you weren’t the only one with a wicked sweet tooth. You’d just wanted to cheer him up.

You hadn’t expected to come home to find Tooru pacing in your bedroom, muttering to himself, and you certainly hadn’t expected him to whirl around at the sound of your approach, snatching at your wrist and all but hauling you inside.

You certainly aren’t prepared for the snarling, bitter words he hurls at you.

And yet even as tears fill your eyes, a choked sob bursting free as he berates you for leaving the villa without telling him, Tooru clutches at you so tightly it feels like your arm’s going to snap.

“You can’t leave me! You can’t - you’re mine!”

He doesn’t stop, barely pauses for breath, but those eight words hit you like a freight train, and everything else fades out into white noise. You can’t for the life of you explain how or why, but in that moment, you know with absolute certainty that the name on your arm can’t be his.

Tooru lied to you.

He’s not your soulmate.

It’s all you can do to stand there numbly while your boyfriend falls to pieces in front of you. The angry yells and screams turn into wretched sobs, and suddenly it’s Tooru collapsing in your arms, clinging to your neck like it’s a lifeline as he sniffles against your chest, and when desperate apologies turn into desperate kisses and he starts to lead you backwards towards the bed, you don’t fight him.

He treats you like you’re made of glass, worshipping every inch of your skin, fervent declarations of love spilling out between kisses like prayers of the devout at an altar. He fucks you slowly, lovingly, moaning your name so sweetly as he searches for absolution within the plush walls of your sex.

And with his fingers coaxing at your clit, his lips dancing against yours you fall off that precipice with him.

You have no idea long the two of you lie there in silence, limbs entangled with one other, but eventually you register the warmth of his hand on your cheek, caressing it with a gentle kind of tenderness that makes something deep inside of you ache.

“You still love me, don’t you?” Tooru’s voice is quiet. Hesitant. It reminds you of the little boy you knew, the one who confided all his fears of never being good enough to you, desperately seeking the validation you always gave so freely.

Your eyes flutter shut, another stray tear spilling down your cheek, and your heart breaks anew.

“Always.”

#yandere haikyuu #yandere oikawa tooru #yandere oikawa x reader #yandere oikawa tooru x reader #yandere oikawa #tw gaslighting #tw manipulation #tw dub con

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kanmom51 · 3 years

Text

JM JK timeline.- my observations how they grew over the years

Disclaimer: these are my own opinions and conclusions. Feel free to disagree, but hate or aggression will be unacceptable.

2017 - Part 3

Ooh, we have reached a major event here. Serendipity. 4 September 2017, or is it 1 September 2017 (??), as I will explain bellow. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEMaH9Sm3lQ&t=16s .

Or what I like to call: JM’s love ode to JK.

Now tell me this: If Jimin’s song Serendipity was released 4th September 2017, and uploaded to BangtanTv on 5th September 2017, why is the date stamped on the MV 1 Sep 2017?

Does that date mean something? Let me think for a second….oh, it does, doesn’t it? It’s someone’s birthday !!!

JM tells us himself: “All of this isn’t just a coincidence”.

Serendipity is a beautiful love song, and I honestly believe it is JM’s love ode to JK, a birthday present to his love.

I am aware that Jimin is not the one who wrote the lyrics for the song. RM did though. RM, that at this point was very much aware of the relationship and JM’s great love for JK. RM that had written JK’s Begin, a song that everyone agrees is a very personal song of JK’s.

The “I am you, you are me” line actually originated from a song released by Zico in early 2016. There are theories that Jikook used a reference from that songs MV (the band aids on their fingers) during a Puma fan sign on April 2nd 2016. So, if this is true and the line had special meaning for them to start with, and it found it’s way into the song lyrics... feel free to make your conclusions...

And although we have no way of knowing just how involved JM was in the process of writing this song (did he ask for a love song? Did he give ideas to insert into the song, like destiny, not being a coincidence, the cat?), but at the end of the day, JM ‘owns’ the song, believes in what he is singing. When he talks about the song you can feel the emotional personal connection he has with the song. This is his song, and he sings it for JK. And JK knows this is Jimin’s gift to him.

Serendipity related, check out the 18th September Dance with DNA Vlive - https://www.vlive.tv/video/42069 .

JK’s reaction when JM says Serendipity is his favourite song. So cute. The thing with this one is that you could easily overlook it or not read too much into it. Only Suga’s reaction here is the tell all.

At the point that JK is acting all shy and smiley to himself, Suga moves closer to him, whispering “Jungkookah”, something that brings on a change to JK’s entire facial expression. There’s even a slight head nod from Suga when JK wipes the smile off his face.

Suga hinting to JK not to be so obvious, only made it more obvious. I also noticed that just before JM starts singing Serendipity, just after he was asked what his favourite song from the album is, JK looks sideways to Suga, as if he knows he isn’t supposed to react too obviously – looks a bit like little JK might have been scolded or reigned in prior to the live broadcast. Remember that this is really quite a short time after the song’s release, so JK’s excitement, happiness, is still really fresh. The song is for him, and it’s JM’s favourite...

I am not going to analyse the MV, but there are many who have done so before me. Was JM involved in the planning and did he have any input to the choices made? Idk. There is a similarity to the motif of the DNA MV. Is it a coincidence that the dominant colour used is JK’s favourite colour? Who knows. But doesn’t the song say “all of this is not a coincidence”?

Add to that JM starting to use the paw print emoji by JK’s name on Twitter? A coincidence? Mmm… interesting.

From this point on it is clear that “you are me, I am you” is a JM and JK thing.

21 September 2017 BTS comeback show. JK was in charge of putting together each of the members DNA. Very enjoyable. But why did JM have to mention again that JK comes to their room to sleep? Also, how does JK know that JM doesn’t wake up Hobi when he is playing games late at night? JM telling us how he now learnt how to play games – then what games was JM good last year (re: Vlive 22 April 2017)?

22 September 2017 Love Yourself fan sign– JM singing Serendipity, JK joining in. How happy JM looks when JK sings “just let me love you” with him all while making eye contact with each other at that point. The way JM looks at JK while singing the song. Singing to him.

Still think Serendipity is not JK and JM’s song?

They have a way of looking at one another that sometimes make me feel like I’m intruding on a very intimate moment.

24 September 2017 SBS Inkigayo Super concert – found it!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb-_jkdxgh4 start watching at 3.36min.

This is the one I remembered, where JM, saw the need to grab JK’s butt, run his hand up and down his back side, right through the crack, repeatedly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7fv0CaQT9M start watching 11:30min , JM walks to his place past JK, lightly brushing his hand against JK.

When I mention the brushes or light touches – this is what I mean (see attached photos). Obviously, there will be those who say it wasn’t intentional, that he was walking by him and didn’t mean to touch him. I say bollox to that (excuse the language).

First, there was plenty of room not to walk so close to JK. Second, if you notice, he circles JK only to make it back to the same actual side he was on to begin with. All he had to do was back up, just like JK did, and not circle JK to make it to his place on stage. Third, to me it looks as if he was aiming to touch JK’s hand, only it was too high up.

26 September SBS MTV The Show. Happy happy boys.

30 September 2017 Love Yourself fan sign Sinchon – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMIdoK9rfAI .

Another one I was looking for. I have seen this moment and wasn’t sure where or when it was from. This is one of those clips Jikook’s use to show Jimin being jealous, and to be honest, first time I saw it it made me wonder too. But watching it again and again, I have come to the conclusion that that wasn’t the issue.

To me this is more JM being protective than JM being Jealous. Setting the boundaries for V when it comes to JK, and it is something we see with JM more than once.

JM wasn’t happy. V wasn’t happy. Boundaries were set.

I actually wrote a separate post about this moment.

1 October 2017 BTS live – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwU-NOMLvqQ

Tipsy JK must be a Jikooker. His guard is down, inhibitions are gone and he becomes really chatty and tends to say and do things that he most likely regrets later on. We didn’t see the members drink what seemed to be alcohol, but the vibe I got from JK’s talkativeness and behaviour during the live was that he was tipsy. Not outright drunk, but tipsy.

To the fan’s request to show his abs, JK starts checking himself out, looking under his T-shirt, only to be scolded by JM to keep it to himself. This is also the first time we hear him Jikooking, talking about eating with Jin and JM, referring to them as Jin-jikook, and then turning to JM, while the others try to call them by another name (I wonder why…). Did I not say tipsy JK is a Jikooker???

3 October 2017 Run BTS episode 22. https://www.vlive.tv/video/43438 start 7.00min.

JM turns to JK asking him to vote for him. The softness in JM’s voice when he asks him acting all coquettish. The way JM approached JK and the way he spoke to him, that’s not the way someone talks to his mate, or to his ‘brother’.

There was a softness in the approach to JK. coquettish is the only way I can describe it.

Love hearts were added by the show’s editors, not me !!!!

12 October 2017 BTS countdown. Can be found on Dailymotion.

All JM had to say was one word – Jungkookah and JK, surprisingly (not) chose him. The look of joy on their faces at that point. And again the editors with the heart emoji effects. Uhm…

JM and JK’s team was the team chosen by the fans, and guess what song they both choose to sing, as JM piggy backed JK? Their song obviously… Serendipity.

And yet again, JM gets to tell us JK comes to his room to sleep. We hear you JM. We hear you.

Jimin birthday surprise (BangtanTV 1 November 2017) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aAhNAl53ZY.

JM gets flowers sent from his father. J-Hope and Suga pretend JM’s dad has arrived to surprise JM, Suga pointing and saying he saw him. JK slowly backs up, shocked and alarmed smile on his face, trying to move behind RM. Then the boys start laughing.

Now, why do I think this is a moment worthy of my timeline? Well, when the boys start laughing, revealing it was a joke, the one Suga points at, laughingly, is JK.

The whole thing feels like a joke on JK, not JM. JK is the one being teased. Why would JK be so stressed out from JM’s dad being there? And why would the boys be teasing him like that? Hm…

The funny thing is that the camera is on JK and Suga, not on JM, who was supposedly just told his father was there. That feels slightly strange to me. Wouldn’t they want to catch JM’s reaction? Not JK’s?

28-30 October 2017 JK and JM Tokyo trip together. This trip was long anticipated by JM. He had been looking forward for his trip with JK for a long time. It was a private trip planned and paid for by JK as a gift for JM. What we know about the trip is mostly what they tell us in retrospect.

Saying that, this was truly a memorable trip for them both, and they both can’t seem to shut up about it, talking about it at any possible moment. JK telling us how JM stayed up (only JM?) until 5 am, so they both woke up at 12pm and missed out on plans they had for the morning, JM tells how they went shopping in Harajuku, how during their trip was the longest walk they took, referring to their trip during interviews. As I mentioned – a memorable trip.

31 October 2017 - When returning from the trip JM posts a selca/selfie. I know I said I won’t be doing this, but rules are sometimes meant to be broken, and this specific selca is gorgeous, so…

BTS Wings tour Japan documentary - filmed October 2017, published 12 November 2017 - https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7sz5rq .

Both acting cute together. For some reason, they are the only ones that are paired for the one on one interviews, when Suga, Jin and Hobi were all interviewed by themselves.

Felt like JM and inhibitions were strangers during the group interview.

Not really sure what JM was searching for in JK’s thigh during the group interview (when V was talking) – tupping, fingering and squeezing JK’s thigh. And yet again RM and J-Hope’s reactions to die for. Hobi eyes on the action throughout the whole episode, and RM when he notices, I would pay a lot of money to know what was going through his head at that point. My educated guess is: “God, please get me out of here, why did I agree to be the leader????” LOL.

Then when asked what their impressions were when coming to the dome, JM tells how JK was crying, all while caressing JK’s ear. JK tells how he was emotional, and they look at each other. All the while, RM’s face when JM touches JK’s ear, only to continue to place his hands on their shoulders respectively.

JM continues to surprise, telling viewers to anticipate for JK’s sweat. The minute he says that, RM turns to look towards Suga, the vibe I get is: “god, please help me here…”.

Then JM goes on to tell us how in his opinion JK’s sweat is beautiful, Holy water. What???? J-hope repeats JM’s Holy water, then glances for just a second towards RM and looks down nervously – great save Hobi.

The group interview was shot on JM’s birthday. Maybe that had something to do with his good un-inhibited mood.

8 November 2017 – GCF in Tokyo - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrTNLkqGrlc .

While the Tokyo trip was JK’s birthday gift or JM. GCF Tokyo is JK’s love ode to JM.

One of JK’s grand gestures. Up there with RB, as far as I am concerned.

This is not an analysis of GCFT, but I do have a few words to say on the matter. Explain why in my eyes this is a JK’s love ode to JM.

This video was filmed and edited by JK, and JK alone. It supposedly documents their trip together. It was his choice and his alone to edit and publish this video and did so to JM’s surprise.

In the video to start with, he lets us know that it’s the two of them, but from there on, other than seeing JK through the mirrors in the elevator while he is filming JM, the one we mostly see is JM. JM smiling, JM goofing around, JM eating, JM enjoying himself on the Tea Cup ride at Disneyland, JM walking, JM dancing, and as a whole just JM having the time of his life. For a video that is documenting a trip to Tokyo, there is not too much of Tokyo we get to see.

The end credits name JK as the photographer, director and editor, while naming JM as the actor.

There is a strong romantic vibe to the video.

JK’s editing choices, including his music choice for the video are well thought out. His choice to edit to the beat of the song. All cleverly thought out to accentuate both the footage and the lyrics of the song he chose: ‘There for you’ by Troye Sivan and Martin Garrix.

JM told us already: “this is not a coincidence”.

The level of preparation from JK, acquiring the rights to use the song, the amount of time it took to go over the footage and edit the video, all while managing to do that will a full working schedule (working throughout the night). This was clearly something big for him. His joy and pride when it was uploaded to Youtube, clearly showed, him smiley and dancing.

2 days prior to GCFT, on 6 November 2017, JM published his short clip of the trip. JM too took the time to edit a cute footage of the trip, documenting both of them having fun. Putting them both side by side only emphasizes the difference and showcases just how much GCFT was all about JM, being JK’s love ode to JM.

To be continued...

#jungkook #jimin #JK #JM #Jikook #Jikook are real #Jikook timeline #JMJK timeline #JKJM timeline #GCFT #Serendipity #Kookmin #Kookmin timeline

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smoochkooks · 3 years

Text

—chapter two: of peonies and broken promises

this is a part of my an ode to a broken heart drabble series.

pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

genre: unrequited love, best friends to (?), heavy angst, future smut

word count: 1.4k words

summary: you are twenty-four, hopelessly in love with your best friend and the smell of peonies still makes you nauseous, just like it did eleven years ago.

previous || next

Jungkook's apartment is an epitome of him.

Wherever you look, you spot a piece of him. A single, wooden shelf in the living room where he placed all his analog cameras, because he loves photography. The replica of Van Gogh's Starry night hanging just above the navy blue couch, because he loves art. White walls of his bedroom decorated with movie posters; among them the newest addition to the collection: French Parasite poster you remember him buying recently. He traded stupid amount of money for it and you'd scold him for doing so if you didn’t know how much he enjoys cinematography.

Staring at this back as he makes coffee, you almost forget why you came her in first place. It's trivial: the latest software update on your laptop made it work more sluggish for some unknown to you reason. Jungkook has always been good with technology (hence his degree in digital art), helping you fix things on your laptop whenever the issue isn’t too complicated for him to deal with it on his own.

You feel a little embarrassed, asking him for help again (as if he wasn’t installing a new antivirus software for you a few weeks ago) but Jungkook beat you to it, assuring you it was absolutely fine before you could recite a round of apologies upon entering his apartment.

It’s just the way he is – the kindest, most selfless person you have ever met. Helping others seems to be etched into his brain for good.

“Here you go,” he says, placing a cup coffee in front of you. “I still haven’t quite figured out how the coffee machine works so I hope it doesn’t taste like shit.”

You smile, wrapping your fingers around the cup. Jungkook is a tea person, something he most definitely took after his mother, who has a separate cabinet in the kitchen filled with various kinds of tea. That’s why it’s so funny to you that somehow he insisted on buying a ridiculously expensive coffee machine a few months ago when he moved into his new apartment.

You wish you could focus on the delicate scent of his blueberry tea. You wish you could let yourself be overwhelmed by the aroma of your freshly made coffee. Anything.

Instead, all you can process is the intense, nauseous smell of the peonies standing right before you.

They’re definitely new, wrapped up prettily and ready to be gifted to someone special. Jungkook notices your lingering gaze, and clears his throat.

“Soojin's coming later today. They’re her favourite.”

He didn’t need to give any explanation to you. It’s his life, his girlfriend, his plans, her favourite flowers, her perfect boyfriend. You’re just you. Yet for some unknown to you reason, he felt and urge to mention it anyway.

“I didn’t peg you for the gentleman type.” you say to break the awkward silence. It’s anything but true, so Jungkook snorts in response.

“Aish, I always give you a single red rose for your birthday, Valentine’s Day and Women's day as well! And we know each other for eighteen years!” he reasons, somewhat defensive.

You force yourself to grin. “I know, I know. I was just fucking with you,” He huffs and takes a sip of his tea. As soon as he does that, he regrets it, muttering “Shit, it’s hot.” under his breath. “Soojin's lucky to have you.” you add.

Despite coming off as a confident person on daily basis, Jungkook gets insecure too.

You remember vividly the look in his eyes when he told you he didn’t deserve her. It was right at the beginning of their relationship, they were still getting to know each other and Jungkook couldn’t possibly understand why out of all the boys Soojin could date, she had chosen him. A digital art major who liked talking about cinematography and ate ramen at 2am in the morning when he couldn’t sleep.

Back then, you wished he could see himself with your eyes. For you, he was far more attractive than any guy you saw on campus. For you, he was talented, hardworking, passionate. No doubt Soojin fell for him.

But Jungkook was twenty-one back then. He lacked self-assurance he has now. It irritated you that he viewed Soojin as some sort of goddess who took pity on him. Although a lot has changed since, he still could quite literally kiss the ground she walks on.

You watch as a small tingle of blush covers the apples of his cheeks. Pink, just like the peonies standing before you. Pink, just like the flowers you hate so much.

11 years ago

June was beautiful that year. You spent most of your time after school in Jungkook's garden, seated by the wooden table and doing your homework.

His mother besides tea, loved planting flowers. And June was the month of peonies. There was so many of them, invading your senses with their sweet yet nauseous smell.

Jungkook was scribbling something in his notebook. You doubted it was anything Math-related, judging by the quick and harsh strokes of his pen. ‘’Do you know Sana?” he asked out of the blue, startling you.

“That new girl from Japan? What about her?”

“Jimin says she has a crush on me.” he answered, his eyes still glued to the paper. You noticed he was sketching some anime character's angry face.

Your eyes involuntarily widened. “How does Jimin know that?”

“Dunno. He told me he heard some girls talking about it in cafeteria the other day.” Finally, he dropped his pen and looked up. His brows were furrowed and he had a sour look on his face. “I don’t want her to have a crush on me.”

At that, your heart started beating faster. You were just fourteen and yet already so stupidly in love with your best friend. “Why?” you asked before you could stop yourself.

You knew girls were checking out Jungkook here and there. He was a top athlete, had good grades and had grown at least ten centimeters taller over the year. He also had let his mother (and you) convince him to cut his hair shorter lately, getting rid of the emo fringe he was sporting for the past six months. Of course some pretty girl like Sana would have a crush on him.

Somehow, Jungkook had always been oblivious to that, or at least you thought so. This was the first time he decided to talk to you about it.

He sighed, looking away from you as if he was embarrassed all of a sudden. You could swear you saw his cheeks flush. “Because I don’t even like her. You’re the only girl I can stand being with.”

Now it was your turn to blush. As best as you could, you tried to ignore the funny, giddy feeling in your chest. “You know you'll have to marry some girl one day, right?”

“Then I’ll ask you to marry me,” Jungkook said and for the first time since he had started this conversation, he actually looked you in the eye. When he saw your shocked expression, he mumbled, “Maybe in like… ten years or something. Once we are out of college.”

You snorted, nudging his side. Despite the butterflies fluttering in your stomach, you regained your composure. “Do you think I will put up with your for that long?”

“We know each other since we were six and you haven’t run away yet. Besides, I’m the only boy you aren’t scared to talk to.”

“Hey! That’s–Maybe it’ll change in the future! Maybe–”

Jungkook ignored you and instead thrusted his pinky finger in your direction. You stopped speaking right away. Pinky promises held little significance yet for some reason, you felt like it was a serious situation. And if the determined look on your best friend's face was anything to go by, he thought the same.

“If we don’t find anyone worth giving our heart to by the time we are twenty-five, let’s get married. Promise?”

You were astonished, to say the least, staring at this hand with wide eyes. You were only fourteen back then and to hear something like that from the boy you loved was like a teenage dream come true. You replied with blind devotion. Because there was only one, good answer to such question.

“Promise.”

You are twenty-four now, hopelessly in love with your best friend and the smell of peonies still makes you nauseous.

#jungkook smut #btswritingcafe #bangtanarmynet #bangtanhq #ksmutclub #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #my writing #an ode to a broken heart

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chaotic-nick · 3 years

Text

Note: woohoo I'm feeling a bit better, so j can go on and type the remaining days for this.

And woah it's already done 🥺 this is the last day for Miche week. I can't believe it went by so fast after @axoxtxhxh planned so long it 😭

Word count: roughly 1.5k?

Content Warnings: friends with benefits sort of relationship, suggestions of smut

Event organiser: @michezachariasweek

Not that she’s ever complained. She equally missed Miche as well.

She stirred in the tangle of sheets they made. Eyes so wide in staring at nothing and her blanket wrapped closely around her shoulders. Bare shoulders. ‘Course—’ they’d sleep long. Missing the promised dinner. They didn’t even wait— no he didn’t wait until she was completely out of the shower, coming to hug her as his teeth nipped on her skin once the bathroom door was unlocked.

Who was asleep. Right behind her, still giving the same warmth he radiated. Little snores escaping him.

‘Hah, friends with benefits,’ except it’s them fucking each other when he flew in Japan to visit her to celebrate their birthdays together. With a finger, she started tracing the top of his nose, one hand on his chest. She’d say it’s to balance herself, but she missed him, too.

Even more, to be honest.

His hand found her torso under the sheets. Welcoming heat on her cheeks and a feeling she thought she’s dwindled after going at it too many times. His watery eyes, still half-closed and the nod was enough of an invitation. Her mouth latching on to his “Mmm⁓” the blankets being kicked off. Maybe the bedsheet after they're done.

2.30 am

Yeah. They did it again. Fucked too much that they were knocked out long enough that restaurants closed. It was either to cook or walk to the nearest convenience store.

“Can I keep this?” She sang too excitedly, already knowing the answer when she opened the balcony’s door.

A sizzle of fried rice over his whistles. “You’re always stealing my shirts,” Miche stole glances at her, dressed in his own shirt, preparing the mini table on the balcony. It was peaceful. So domestic. That he’d quit his corporate job to be with her. Close the distance between Pardis and Japan.

If it weren’t for reality’s voice reminding him that they were still friends. Nothing beyond that yet.

“Asking is a formality,” how sad that the younger versions of themselves spent more time together before they knew of the feelings they had for each other. “Oh, that smells nice.”

“Look at us. Third time flying here, and I still haven’t taken you to Harajuku like I promised.”She was on his lap, head on his shoulder. Four beer cans around the plate of fried rice they shared.

“I’m with you, that’s all I want.”

“It’s like you’re always buying a ticket to her just so we could fuck— we probably got our FBI agent off in one of our calls,”

“Don’t say it like, what the fuck?!”

Her hyena-like grin made him even more— “Oh fuck you, (Y/n). How do you even think of that?”

“Right, who was it who was rubbing one-off when they answered the call?”

He cringed. At himself and at the memory of it . “I’m sorry, but still, don’t say it like that.” Knowing well that she liked it when his hand covered her mouth, using his fingers to make her lips pout. “Shush, babe, shush.”

Then silence. Nothing but watching Japan’s night sky from her balcony. A commercial aeroplane taking off, reminding them of their borrowed time. He'll fly off somewhere where his job wanted to in. Leaving her. Being separated by the merciless timezones.

Her chest heaved up. “I’m proud of us Miche,” her soft tone, tired from all that they did since he's arrived, as she drank from her bottle.

“Oh?”

“For masturbating on camera—”

“No, (Y/n), no.” His tone contradicted how she giggled.

“But seriously, look! I’m doing artsy stuff, you’re a . . . you’re there, ahem— a sugar daddy in the making. And the first in your family to have a degree.” Honestly, at this point. And this who he chose to love to. Miche was ready to accept her and all the dilf jokes she was making.

He won't say it out loud, but it's flattering him. Feeding his ego.

“You’re doing stuff, too—” From her lips, he tapped her nose. ”Remember when you were so scared about getting your storyboard rejected?”

“Mhm, you were the first one I called.”

"And you were crying." And then silence hung in the air.

It was when another aeroplane flew by that she hugged him closer, her way of begging him not to go without saying anything more. Maybe they’ve lived their dreams long enough to start one together. Somewhere new. He can take on three more projects, save enough to settle down wherever she wanted to go. “Don’t go, Miche.”

A reassuring hand caressed her head. He hid his tears by looking up, trying to ignore her cries. He’d be unable to leave in two days if he allows it to affect him. .“When I come back, I’m marrying you, (Y/n). That’s final.”

“What?” She pulled back, fresh tears still running over the wet surface.

“Fuck it. Tomorrow, we’re looking for rings tomorrow.”

“Miche,” he cupped her face.

“There’s nothing stopping us now,” not school. Not his family. No one. “Well then, here’s to us then,” he tried to change her mood, bringing up a can up her lips. Instead, she shook her head, sitting up on her knees to remind him that he needed to be rational. "You don't have to worry about paying for anything, I have the money, (Y/n)."

‘Think about this, Miche’ or ‘why me, Miche?’ And every time she asked this, he was always ready to give her the same answer in the most patient tone.

Though it seemed it was her who was thinking long. “If we have time, we can get married at the embassy instead of waiting.” an answer he didn’t expect he’d hear.

An answer that silenced him, before his arms locked around her torso hugging her close to him as he fell forward. He has never muttered so many 'thank you’s in between his scattered kisses.

“What about your dream wedding?” He laid panting when he was done parading her around her apartment,

“I’m already marrying you, Miche.”

“Thank you, (Y/n).” it was him who let his tears flow onto her the hand he held. Bringing it up to his lips. “You won’t have to wait longer.”

#mzw2021 #miche zacharias week 2021 #miche zacharias #mike zacharias #nick writes fics #mike zacharias x reader #miche zacharius x reader #aot x reader #aot fanfiction #aot fic #miche zacharius x you

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osakaso5 · 3 years

Photo

Haruka Isumi Twelve Hits! Rabbit TV Part 1: Twelve Hits!

Part 2 | Part 3

Haruka Isumi: "RADIO STATION Twelve Hits"?

Torao Mido: Ah... Isn't that the radio show IDOLiSH7 was on last year?

Minami Natsume: TRIGGER and Re:vale also participated in it.

Toma Inumaru: That's right! And we're gonna be on Twelve Hits! this year!

Torao Mido: Hmm.

Toma Inumaru: Why dont you look more interested!?

Torao Mido: It's not like we haven't done a bunch of radio shows before, right? If anything, you're a little too excited.

Toma Inumaru: Hold on... This is Twelve Hits! we're talking about! The famous radio show practically everyone in Japan’s heard of!

Toma Inumaru: It's been on air ever since we were kids, so you've got to have listened to it at least once, right?

Haruka Isumi: Nope. I like RabbiTube better, anyway.

Torao Mido: Haha, you're such a modern kid. Not that I've listened to it, either.

Toma Inumaru: You've gotta be kidding me!

Minami Natsume: I've listened to it. It's a monthly broadcast that has a new host each time.

Minami Natsume: I even appeared in it once when I was still a child actor.

Toma Inumaru: Seriously, Mina..!? That's awesome..!

Toma Inumaru: I've sent a couple messages to it, but they never got read on air. ...So you've already been on it, huh..!

Minami Natsume: Oh dear. If you open your eyes so wide, they'll fall out.

Minami Natsume: Though I must say, I like being gazed at so intensely that it might result in your loss of sight.

Haruka Isumi: Eek... Don't say scary stuff like that..!

Torao Mido: I see. In other words, this radio show is amazing enough that some people would even sacrifice their precious eyes for it.

Toma Inumaru: ...Ahem. In any case, we've got a really cool job ahead of us!

Toma Inumaru: The shows from last year were a lot of fun, too!

Torao Mido: You listened to them?

Minami Natsume: So, you listened to them.

Haruka Isumi: You did?

Toma Inumaru: S-should I not have..? Why are you all looking at me like that!?

Torao Mido: No reason.

Haruka Isumi: No reason?

Minami Natsume: No reason in particular.

Toma Inumaru: You three always work together perfectly at times like these...

Minami Natsume: I was simply commending you for having a genuine interest in even the hosts who weren't your friend, Nanase-san, without so much as gathering intel on them.

Torao Mido: Hmph. Nothing we could've done about that. Toma wants to be friends with those guys. Probably because he's not satisfied with us.

Haruka Isumi: Torao, stop sulking like a little kid. He's not gonna understand that you want him to pay more attention to you unless you tell him.

Torao Mido: I'm not sulking. I was just pointing out that he goes on and on about people other than us.

Toma Inumaru: ...I just thought it looked fun, the way they were giving each other requests for the show... I kinda wanted to try it, too...

Toma Inumaru: Listening to them made me think about how fun it'd be to do that with you guys!

Torao Mido: Oh..?

Haruka Isumi: Hmm..?

Minami Natsume: So, you want us to complete requests for you.

Toma Inumaru: That's right! Some of them could get pretty crazy and extreme, but it just seemed like something members of the same group do together!

Haruka Isumi: Yeah... I guess Tenn Kujo seemed pretty happy when he got a request from his little brother.

Toma Inumaru: Yep. So you did listen to it, after all!

Haruka Isumi: Huh? Ah..!

Haruka Isumi: N-no I didn't! I just happened to hear it from a car radio on my way somehwere.

Toma Inumaru: If you already know what the show's like, then that makes things easier! Apparently we'll also get requests from the listeners.

Toma Inumaru: Make sure to come up with good ones!

Minami Natsume: Very well. You'll answer anything, won't you?

Torao Mido: Feels nice to be on the asking end of a relationship for once.

Haruka Isumi: Let's rebel like we always do, even on radio!

- - - -

Toma Inumaru: Alright, everyone's here. Time to start brainstorming requests for Haru!

Minami Natsume: Yes indeed. I've come up with a request that should fit Isumi-san quite well.

Torao Mido: That's one hell of a smile, Minami. Is your idea really that good?

Minami Natsume: I certainly think so.

Toma Inumaru: I dunno why, but your smile's giving me the heebie-jeebies... You sure it's something that can be broadcasted on radio..?

Minami Natsume: Yes, of course. I'm sure it'll liven up his variety segment nicely.

Haruka Isumi: Variety... Ugh...

Toma Inumaru: Haha, what's with the long face, Haru?

Torao Mido: I know what his problem is. He's clearly feeling lonely because we can't be on the show with him.

Torao Mido: I guess even you've got a cute side, Haruka.

Toma Inumaru: Seriously..!? I guess that makes sense... Haru might work hard as our center, but he's still only a high schooler...

Toma Inumaru: Sorry for not noticing..! Next time, just let us know. We're a team, so we've gotta help each other out!

Haruka Isumi: ...Huh!? I'm NOT feeling lonely! Stop being weird!

Minami Natsume: Is there another reason why you looked so depressed, then?

Haruka Isumi: ...Twelve Hits! is a variety talk show, right? I just don't know what I should talk about.

Minami Natsume: You don't?

Haruka Isumi: Yeah, Tenn Kujo called me the "honor student of variety shows" once, and I don't really get what that means yet.

Haruka Isumi: I guess TV and radio aren't the same thing, but still. I'm the last member of ŹOOĻ to go, anyway.

Haruka Isumi: Since I'm doing this, I might as well do it right!

Toma Inumaru: Haru..! I didn't think you'd take this so seriously..!

Toma Inumaru: That's great!

Haruka Isumi: Hey..! Quit patting me on the head..!

Torao Mido: Don't think too hard on it. You're the host, so can't you just talk about whatever you like?

Minami Natsume: Agreed. The listeners will be there for you, Isumi-san.

Haruka Isumi: You think so..?

Toma Inumaru: That's right, Haru! Take it easy, pretend you're talking to your friends if you have to.

Toma Inumaru: Like Izumi and Yotsuba! Or... Uh, did you have any other friends, again?

Haruka Isumi: I-I've got plenty! Just the other day, I swapped RabbitChat IDs with a couple of my classmates!

Minami Natsume: Oh my, congratulations.

Haruka Isumi: ...It was mainly so we could stay in touch for our group project, though...

Toma Inumaru: ...Wait, we're getting off topic! Back to the requests!

Toma Inumaru: We can help Haru out, too. Help him practice for variety shows!

Torao Mido: Like how?

Toma Inumaru: Well...

Toma Inumaru: Ah! Ask him to do a little improv skit!

Haruka Isumi: That's too hard! I've never done comedy before!

Toma Inumaru: That's exactly why. Can't give you too low of a hurdle! Besides, a real man can overcome anything!

Minami Natsume: Or a real man can trip over the hurdle and never overcome his failure, let alone anything else.

Torao Mido: Hmph, don't you worry, someone will pick you right back up. Toma, that is.

Haruka Isumi: If you guys are joking, it's not very funny...

Toma Inumaru: You're not chickening out, are you?

Haruka Isumi: N-no way! ...I could totally do improv!

Toma Inumaru: I believe in you, buddy! You'll get your prompt on the day of the show.

Torao Mido: Haha, you've got guts, kid. In that case, I'll give you a hosting related request, too.

Torao Mido: Why don't you do a bit of bold self-promotion for your audience, and try to pitch ŹOOĻ to them?

Haruka Isumi: What, like a sales pitch for some product..? I've seen those on TV at night...

Toma Inumaru: Yeah, like one of the infomercials for those really sharp knives that can even slice a pumpkin to ribbons!

Haruka Isumi: What!? Knives can do that!?

Toma Inumaru: Pineapples, too.

Haruka Isumi: Holy crap..!

Minami Natsume: Oh my. Perhaps your skit should be about TV shopping?

Torao Mido: ŹOOĻ is a product of sorts, too. And it'll be your job to sell us to the listeners, Haruka.

Torao Mido: Captivate your audience so well that no amount of money will be enough for them to get enough of us. Your words will decide our value.

Torao Mido: What do you think? It's a pretty good talk show excercise.

Haruka Isumi: It's a pain in the ass... All I'd need to do is play them one of our shows. Can I just sing or something?

Torao Mido: If that's what you'd rather practice, then sure, whatever.

Haruka Isumi: ...Fine. I'll try.

Torao Mido: Haha, you're actually being obedient for once.

Haruka Isumi: I'm plenty obedient. And I don't really wanna do it, but we agreed on the "no takebacks" rule, remember?

Haruka Isumi: Plus, I get that you guys are just trying to help me out...

Minami Natsume: Hee hee. In that case, I suppose my request will be something sweet, to reward you for being good.

Haruka Isumi: Sweet?

Minami Natsume: Think of it as the carrot to their stick.

Minami Natsume: You may make a request for the three of us. Us older members should do our duty and spoil you every now and then, especially seeing as how your birthday is coming up.

Haruka Isumi: Huh!? I get to ask you guys for something!? ...Like, anything!?

Minami Natsume: Yes, anything. After all, we have a young heir in our midst.

Torao Mido: Since when am I an heir? Oh, well.

Toma Inumaru: ...So Mina's request was perfectly normal and radio approriate. I dunno why I was so worried...

Minami Natsume: Hee hee. I said it would fit him nicely, did I not?

Haruka Isumi: ...Feels weird. I know the skit and stuff sounded hard, but even they'd be for my own self improvement...

Minami Natsume: I only felt like going easier on you today.

Torao Mido: You'd better be grateful.

Toma Inumaru: Come on, guys..! You could at least admit how much you care about Haru!

Haruka Isumi: Hmm? ...Ehehe!

Haruka Isumi: This feels kinda nice! But still, I can't let you go too easy on me.

Haruka Isumi: I'll shock you with how good my radio hosting will be!

End of Part 1.

#idolish7 #haruka isumi #twelve hits!#translation #zool #rabbit tv

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bokutoslittlebird · 4 years

Text

Office Sex with Todoroki Enji

Boss!Enji x Secretary!Reader

Warnings: dub/noncon, blackmail, threats, Enji’s a creep, creampie, size kink, age difference, mindbreak

Summary: Being Endeavor’s secretary was a dream come true - you often found yourself dreaming about the hero when you were in high school. When Endeavor seems to be setting off red flags, you decide the job of your dreams isn’t what you expected. Too bad your boss has decided you’ll never be able to leave him - even if he has to break you.

When you signed up to work at Endeavor's agency, you didn't expect to be accepted. Your resume wasn't anything special, just some basic past experience as a secretary, so you figured your file would be burned to ashes. Getting the job was no longer just a dream to you. You've always looked up to Endeavor, seeing him as someone who really tried and struggled to become the number one hero. Your eyes had always been drawn to the scowl on the older man, never to the smile on All Might's face. Even thinking about Endeavor's eyes looking at you made your stomach fill with butterflies.

After emailing Endeavor's current secretary about the position, you closed your laptop and decided to get ready for bed, wanting to have a good first impression tomorrow morning.

You were switching your weight on your feet, fiddling with the hem of your sleeves. The button down shirt was simple and hopefully professional enough for Endeavor. There was a dress code for you as his secretary: black pencil skirt, white buttoned blouse, black heels, and pantyhose color of your choice. You chose the only pair you owned, a black pair. The makeup was minimal, practically non-existent. Your nerves made you feel sick, like any moment you would just have to bend over and hurl. It didn't help that Endeavor's blue eyes were burning into your form. For someone with a fire Quirk, he was quite a cold man.

"You seem to understand your job quite well," his voice finally broke the staring contest silence. You let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. "Here's a stack of papers to go through. Cases I've been in, just organize them accordingly,"

"Yes, sir," you bowed, taking the papers. Apparently, he was in a lot of cases since the last secretary quit. She had to quit due to her husband getting a new job out of the prefecture. Instead of traveling for work, she put in a notice of termination and went looking for any available person with that credentials. As you walked to the door, you felt eyes on you and it just increased your nervousness, the idea of him watching you like a hawk making you feel like you'd make a mistake under his gaze.

Once the doors were shut, you felt better, the watchful gaze gone and the little room you would be at for most, if not all, of your time here. You smiled at the sidekicks who waved at you, welcoming you to the agency. Everyone was so friendly, you hoped Endeavor was just cold at first glance, but he'd warm up to you. Eventually.

The next few days were... interesting, to say the least. First, the day you started working, Endeavor called for you to ask your opinion on what he should get for his son's upcoming birthday. You were dumbfounded, but attempted to help him with the information given. The next day, Endeavor visited you at your office, leaning over your shoulder to make sure you were doing everything correctly. It was nerve-wracking to have such a big, imposing man leaning over your shoulder. The day after, you were scolded for your dress code. Apparently, the new dress code required you to wear stockings and to increase your two-inch heel size to four-inch. You were upset and confused at the new change, your feet much preferring the shorter heels and you had to buy garters to hold up the stockings.

The way Endeavor looked at you like a piece of meat made your skin crawl, the grin he gave you predatory. It made you scared to go into work - or at least interact with the hero. The sidekicks would glance at you, never saying much about your wardrobe change, but they noticed. Endeavor noticed them noticing. You felt like an attraction in a zoo at this point, everybody staring at you. The makeup also changed; now it was red lipstick, along with simple eyeshadow and noticeable eyeliner and mascara. You felt like you were going to a party every morning when you got ready for work.

Did it stop there? You hoped it would, but it didn't. Endeavor - he repeatedly told you to call him Enji - would stop by your office before and after a patrol, giving you papers if he stopped any crime. When he didn't have any papers, he would still stop by, bringing you a coffee he had ordered from that shop down the street you loved. When you asked about the coffee shop and how he knew your order, he said it was a lucky guess. You should've known something was off then, but you brushed it aside, smiling and thanking him, bowing respectfully. His gaze was trained on you the entire time.

Endeavor would also give you strange tasks. At first, you happily did them. Now, you still did them, but you wondered why. Why did he throw his pen across his room? Why did you have to go into his office to pick it up? Handing it to him and feeling his fingers gently brush against yours gave you goosebumps the first time, you going home and squealing about it like you were back in high school. When he did it now, you felt like you needed to wash your hands. Your admiration for the hero died when you felt like he was a predator. That's when you came to a decision.

"Termination?" His ice cold gaze fell on you. You hoped he couldn't tell your knees were ready to buckle due to nerves. Nodding, you explained.

"I have recently gotten scouted for a new job" a lie, "closer to my apartment complex" another lie, "so I figured I'd put in my notice of leave. It was great working with you" again, a lie, "and I hope you are able to find another secretary," bowing again, your eyes widened when you saw the angry scowl on Endeavor's face.

"I refuse," he spat, standing from his chair. You tried to talk, but he made you freeze all over, the icy gaze fully trained on you. "You think you can come into here and decide to leave me? I have half a mind to burn your skin,"

"Excuse me?!" a squeak came out, your blood running cold at his harsh words.

"You little tease," he sneered, closer to you now. Your body finally got the hint to move, your vision turning to the door, only to find the mahogany desk of Endeavor to fill it. You hissed in pain as the impact of the hard wood and your cheek connected. "Playing around with me only to bail?"

"Endeavor, sir!" you pleaded, struggling in his grip. The heat from his body was intense, the sunset dimming the room and you knew the only source of light was from the desk lamp beside you and the flaming man above you. One large hand held your wrists behind your back, while the other one settled on your hips, sending you into a panic.

"I told you to call me Enji, little one," is all he said, not answering any of the questions you had. You felt yourself freeze at the thought of what was to come - hoping some deity would pity you. "You aren't leaving me,"

"You can't do that! I have every right-!"

"You'll never find another place to work. Ever again."

"Wh-What?" tears slipped out of your eyes, pooling against the desk. "You can't-"

"A cheap whore who quits after her boss won't sleep with her, how about that?" You can practically feel the grin on his face. "You'll never find work again. Not anywhere in Japan if I have anything to say about it, that is,"

"You're fucking sick!" You started thrashing, trying to loosen his grip somehow. Whether your future careers were ruined or not, you didn't accept any of this. "Get off!"

"Look at you, dressing so prettily for me. You think my sidekicks haven't noticed? They'd believe me wholeheartedly. You're nothing," he sneered, making you stop. He was right, of course, the sidekicks noticed your change from when you started working. They wouldn't believe any words you said if their trusted and respected boss - a hero - said otherwise. Your previous life would crash and shatter within the night without any say. The only thing you could now was accept the turn of events. "It's okay, I'll make you my special whore and nobody will be hurt. I've seen the way you look at me. Clenching your thighs together, the downward glances when you talk to me, your cute habit of twiddling your fingers. You've been dying for me to eat you up, haven't you?"

"N-No.." your tiny voice spoke, all the fight gone from it. At first, you weren't too sure it was yours. You're not even sure Endeav- Enji heard it. You felt disgusted, especially when you felt the hand on your hip move, the warm hand moving to your thighs and sliding underneath the skirt. You grit your teeth, cringing when you felt a finger rub against the panties you had on. The feeling of his rubbing you through the thin fabric made your stomach tighten - not in the way you expected. A gasp left you when he brushed against your clit, practically ghosting over the little nub.

"You say no, yet you react so sweetly to me. You really are just a stupid slut, aren't you? I said stockings were part of the dress code, not these garters," he pulled the garter and let it snap back against your skin, earning another gasp. You closed your eyes, hoping whatever would happen would happen so you could go home and get away from this nightmare. One second, your arms were behind you being bound by a large hand, then it felt like a piece of cloth had replaced it. After attempting to move your arms, you felt the fabric digging into your skin.

Instead of talking, Enji decided to continue with his exploration of your body. The finger rubbing you through your panties left, his hand pulling up your skirt over your rump, fully on display for his eyes. You fought the urge to vomit when he made a noise, a mix between a groan and a sigh, at the sight. Once again, a hand came up to your panties, rubbing your folds through the fabric while the other one palmed your cheek. A sudden ripping sound filled your ears, startling you and making you gasp as you felt your cunt suddenly exposed. Out of your periphery, you saw the white of your panties, a piece of them at least, falling out of sight onto the floor.

"I've been waiting for this. You bent over with your cunt taking in my cock. I wonder how cute you'll sound? Or will it be more slutty to accompany how you look like a whore?" He admitted, making you feel even more disgusted with him. Knowing he had fantasized about this — about him forcefully having his way with you — was downright disgusting. A large and hot object brushed against your wet folds, making your head pop up as you felt it push in. "I've just put it in— you're so fucking tight,"

"I- I'm a virgin," you finally said, wincing at the foreign intrusion. You were sure it'd hurt with any man, but Enji was bigger than average. You figured that out when watching him on television, back in your high school days when you developed a crush on the older man, thoughts of him accompanying you in those lonely nights and how large he would be. Of course, those thoughts didn't include the idea of pain with the large cock of Enji Todoroki.

"No wonder you're so tight. I'd figure my slutty secretary had been with quite a few people. I'm honored to be your first-" he suddenly thrust his hips forward, making you cry in pain as he buried himself to the hilt, "and your last,"

"Th- That's— ah!" your mind couldn't process any information except how hot and big his cock was, stretching you out farther than you ever expected. Your body rocked in rhythm with the slow, but sharp thrusts of Enji, your head hurting from the earlier treatment of being thrown on the desk. You grit your teeth, hoping to avoid any sounds from coming out, but mewls and moans would slip through, letting him know he was definitely pleasing you. Instead of pointing it out, he just grinned when your pitch rose. A particular thrust earned him an open-mouthed mewl, your eyes rolling at the sensation.

"Sounding like a proper whore, aren't you? Pathetic. You're just a whiny little bitch, aren't you?" his words hurt, they were supposed to, but the way your walls clench tighter around him, if that was possible, proved you took it a different way. "Look at you, tightening at my words. Don't you know only cute little girls get to cum? If you want to be my good little girl, you're going to need to beg like a whore,"

"Nn—“ you whined, his thrusts getting rougher and picking up the pace, pushing you closer to your orgasm. You knew it was coming, you knew it'd have to happen eventually, so you kept your mouth shut. If anything, you'd keep your stubborn pride at not obeying his every command. Too bad for you, Enji pulled out of you, leaving you to clench around nothing.

"Your pretty pussy is practically begging for my cock again. I said to beg like a whore, you stupid bitch," his chuckle was low and deep, making your chest tighten as you associated that with the better times. Feeling those butterflies after what he did made you feel sick. You whined, feeling the orgasm slowly slip away. "Beg. Like. A. Whore."

"En- Enji, please let me cum. I- I pro- promise to be a good girl. I promise. Please, just- just let me cum," you whined, feeling filthy. Your head was turned, so you got to see the downright terrifying grin that Enji sported at your words. Apparently it was enough for him because he slid his cock back into your tight, warm walls and pounded away. Your moans were more free now, your hands clenching into fists at the feeling of your orgasm building again.

"I'm sure you'd be happy— fuck— happy to milk me dry, wouldn't you?" he grunted, his own orgasm approaching. You nodded your head, shuffling your feet to try and allow for more space for Enji to fill you. The heels gave you some added height, but you still needed some more to completely feel him. Lucky for you, Enji noticed and positioned you differently, your shoes barely grazing the floor as the only thing holding you up was Enji's cock and this thrusts into your tight cunt, the squelching sounds encouraging him to go faster. Your eyes rolled back, feeling your high wash over you as you came, your walls sending Enji to cum, too. The feeling of his thick, hot cum spilling into you made you sigh, feeling full and warm.

Enji sliding out of you, setting you unsteadily onto your feet made you come back down to Earth, where you were in Endeavor's office and currently feeling his cum ooze out of your spasming cunt. You cringed in disgust, your legs shaky and unstable. The fabric binding your arms was removed, making you sigh in relief, the numb limbs falling to your side.

"Come on, get up. I'm not done with you yet," his voice made you turn, your eyes widened. He obviously was less fucked-out than you were, his cock standing tall and proud. Automatically, you went to lick your lips at the slick cock, finally seeing out thick it was. "You're gonna clean me up and then I'm going to go back to fucking you senseless and fill you up. I'm going to give reality to every fantasy about you. Now, get to licking, slut,"

And, like his good little girl, you obeyed. Getting to your knees was much more comfortable, anyways.

#bnha x reader #bnha endeavour #endeavor x reader #enji todoroki #enji todoroki x reader #tw.dubcon #tw.blackmail #tw.noncon #tw.mindbreak #Endeavor sir #Mr. Enji #BB.Kinky #BB.Dark #Enji.Spice

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rein-ette · 3 years

Note

Are you still working on your Commonwealth study? Do you have any thoughts on Arthur's relationships with his colonies apart from Canzuk + US?

Not properly, unfortunately with exams and then work I haven’t had mental/emotional capacity to do real research (and probably won’t for a while 😔). But I have continued to think about and develop certain relationships, and I think I also have old hcs I’ve never shared, so I’ll put those down!

Born into the Empire

Australia

@oumaheroes has already done such great hcs on him idk what I can add, but basically he was a little bit of a rowdy child, always breaking windows and shattering fancy pots, never able to sit still. I think rainbow once mentioned that Ken (short for Kenneth, my name for Aus) was a lot like England as a child in his curiosity and energy, and I wholeheartedly agree. But I think Arthur’s intensity was more inwardly directed, pushing him to pursue and master new talents and learn whatever he could, while Australia is a little more carefree in his love for the outdoors, exploring, jumping around and off things, little wild animals. Unfortunately for him, he was born in a period of the empire when Arthur was very serious about his kids education, and therefore often praised those who studied hard and learned fast, which really just wasn’t Australia’s cup of tea. Australia took this kinda hard and thought he was the “dumb” one in the family that Arthur was always scolding, but in reality Arthur knew and appreciated that Australias interests lay elsewhere — he was just a frustrated, tired, parent who really wanted to give his kids the best while also holding his empire together, two goals that were never going to fit well in the end and would completely exhaust him.

As Australia’s grown older he’s realized a bit of this (not entirely, though) and also that 1) he really did break a lot expensive things and cause general mayhem 2) scolding us Arthur’s way of showing he cares, if he didn’t he wouldn’t have payed attention to him at all 3) despite being a penal colony, he was still one of Arthur’s more “legitimate” children (being white and a boy) and was therefore still incredibly privileged — never having to question, for example, why it was that Arthur was his dad, if it should be this way, or if he had a seat at the family table at all (more on this later).

New Zealand

Zee, from birth, was a clear favourite. Obedient, calm, quietly intelligent, he would also later develop a blistering sense of humour which combined with his appearance made it overwhelmingly clear who’s child he was. If Ken questioned his place in the family because of his poor academic record and others did because of their appearance/race/other complications, Kaelan never had such problems; his siblings called him the “prince.” Zee, however, also had a charm that, like Matthew, endeared him to his siblings and mostly protected him from jealousy, though he certainly still had issues with being called a try hard, daddy’s boy, bossy, arrogant. Certainly as a child Zee was a little prideful and, under that unperturbed demeanour, willful, but he grew out of it by the 20th century and became one of those most trusted by Arthur, second only to Matthew. He’s also always been inseparable from his brother Australia despite their differences, and today they both have one of the healthiest and most amicable relationships with Arthur of any nation, let alone former colonies (family road trips, every summer).

Bermuda

I absolute fell in love with this girl after reading about here, once, in this fic by @shachaai, and after that my mind just ran away with me. For me, her human name given to her by Arthur just has to be Ariel — for the little mermaid reference, yes, symbolizing her connection to the sea and stunning good looks, but also because:

1. Ariel is a biblical name, meaning lion of God. This makes sense to me, because Bermuda began as a Portuguese trade post, so Arthur definitely consulted our resident bad catholic Port before naming her.

2. Ariel used to be boys name. This also makes sense, because I hc Bermuda was and still is a tomboy. Bitch is fierce, takes no prisoners, and has zero filter. Her letters to Arthur, which all the colonies sent so Arthur could keep an eye on things, were full of shit like “I swear to god if the Spanish don’t get out of my waters I might eat one of them,” and “father, I asked you for destroyers two months ago, and yet you sent them to Hong Kong — could you explain this most unusual occurrence, surely it’s not that you forgot”, and “thank you for the harpoon on my birthday, I caught a small shark a couple days ago and have sent you some of its teeth for your collection.” Arthur tolerates this attitude because he’s weak when it comes to girls; he absolutely spoils his daughters (and flushes like a 16 year old when a woman so much as bats her eyelashes at him). Yes, p*ssywhipped Arthur is a hill I will die on.

3. It also suits her because? Ariel? Shakespeare? The Tempest? Bermuda Triangle? Shipwrecks? Daughter-like figure of powerful and vengeful sorcerer? Yeah. And this girl is a fire spirit — she is so lively, snarky, clever. As she’s grown older she’s mellowed out a little, but still: a no shit taken, no fucks given type of gal.

4. Speaking of growing up, she’s also become quite the beauty. Shacha, if I’m remembering correctly, described her as dark skinned, wavy-haired, and green eyed and that image has been burned onto the back of my eyelids ever since. Those Iberian genetics really be pulling through for her, that’s for sure. Engport love child if I’ve ever seen one. Definitely one of the prettiest in her family.

Singapore

I’ve already mentioned this to needcake, but I’m not too big a fan of canon Singapore, so this is my oc version. Singapore is fascinating to me because it had only a very small local population before it became a colony (The original settlement had actually been destroyed by the Portuguese about two centuries before the British started building a port there.) So nation-tans like Singapore and Bermuda really are Arthur’s children in the most direct sense of the word. And yet, Singapore is mostly ethnically Chinese, with Malays being the second largest group. Growing up Asian in a white, Victorian era family surely cannot have been easy and more than once Singapore probably wondered if there hadn’t been some mistake. To make up for the constant fear that he wasn’t “really” British, Singapore studied ferociously and had a truly terrifying work ethic. I’m not sure if this is common knowledge outside Asian circles, so I’ll mention that this hc comes from the fact Singapore is well known for having truly exceptional students and some of the most prestigious schools. Singaporeans score highly in literally everything and they have an advantage with good English learning environments, a highly desirable trait in Asia, but these results come from brutally long hours — and its really saying something that they’re known for working hard, considering the studying ethic of students in Korea, Japan, and China aint nothing to sneeze at, either. To me this actually fits really well with Singapore’s upbringing in Arthur’s household, because Arthur himself prizes intelligence and hard work above all else, being a workaholic himself.

As for their relationship, it was probably the best when Singapore was young and peaked in the 1930s with the massive naval base the British built at Singapore, at the time the largest dry dock in the world. Singapore was a well-behaved child, not necessarily introverted but not rowdy either, and all the way into his teenage years he truly admired Arthur and was proud to be a part of the British Empire, despite his lingering unease and insecurities. The British defeat in World War II, however, was a massive turning point. He had worked his ass off to be a good son, a good brother, to contribute to the only family and system he had ever known, and he had thought by the 30s he was finally on his way to becoming a fine adult. And suddenly, the British surrender brings his entire world crashing down. He had followed the rules faithfully thinking it was his destiny, but suddenly it was clear that all rules were made up. Of course, his insecurities exploded. If the empire was a ruse, what the hell was he? A part of the illusion? He couldn’t have a truly Asian identity, because many of the old East Asian nations shunned him for his Western upbringing, and he could not entirely understand their values either. So he was a kid who kinda had to figure out late and very very suddenly who the fuck he was and wanted to be.

And, well, he’s done pretty well for himself, hasn’t he. After having a total crisis and questioning everything, I think Singapore slowly started to realize that just because the British Empire as a political entity didn’t last forever, that didn’t mean that his entire childhood and identity weren’t real. The love he gave to his siblings and the love he got back, the hard work he put in, his bond with Arthur and the safe, happy childhood he had — those memories and feelings didnt have to be diminished by what came after. Essentially, he learned the lesson all nations have to learn, which is that one needs to be able to discern between duties as a nation and feelings as a human being, and to some extent keep them separate to protect both.

Whoooooo ok I’ll stop there because this turned into a dissertation, sorry. Let me know if there are any specifics u want me to elaborate on or anything I missed, but I’ll leave this here for today :)

#hws england #hws Australia #hws new zealand #oc: hws Bermuda #not gonna tag anymore I’m lazy #fun times with the commonwealth #I probably won’t write so much for all of them I just put it there to remind myself #needcake #ask #my hcs

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alicemitch09writes · 3 years

Text

lame

07.

look, i know i’m an asshole but at least i’m trying

“Look at that, isn’t he amazing?” the blond boy yells, pointing at the TV on display, showing one of those heroes in work.

“Uwah, All Might’s so cool!”

(E/c) eyes followed the boys’ gazes, watching a big hulking figure power through villains.

She could only nod, half-heartedly, keeping her eyes on the screen, listening to the two boys go on about how amazing he was.

Booming laughter sounded off from the screen, the two boys anticipating as the hero turned to the camera. “I am here!”

And then, the boys went wild – gesticulating wildly, words of admiration leaving their lips, eyes twinkling with amazement. Honestly, it was easy to like someone as big and prominent as All Might.

But in a world ruled by quirks, and your perception of them tainted at an early age, it was difficult to really set yourself on where you stood.

“Isn’t he the coolest, (Nickname?)” green eyes turned to the (h/c) girl.

“Uh, yeah…” came the girl’s reply, rather dull and lacking in the same energy as the two boys.

“That was a weak reply, (Name)!” the blond boy turned to her, a bit offended. “You should be crying out like me and Deku! All Might’s the coolest!”

Chancing a look at the said hero on screen, she shrugged, unsure how to reply to that. “I mean, I guess he is.”

Both boys froze at their friend’s lack of admiration for their favorite hero.

“Sorry I’m not like you guys.”

“T-That’s okay, (Nickname).” The green-haired boy says, voice shaky and his eyes sheen with tears he’s fighting off, smiling warmly at her.

“Hey, that doesn’t mean I don’t like him, though. He’s just not my favorite hero.”

The blond boy’s carmine eyes widen at that, the three kids began to walk home together once the show was over.

“Then, who is your favorite?”

“Hm…I guess I prefer the quiet heroes, I guess?” she nods, mind thinking of policemen, teachers, cooks, train staff, and fishermen. “Ones that don’t really stand out but are cooler in other ways.”

“Ah, there’s this one hero I heard about from Kyoto!” Izuku tells her. “He has a healing quirk, but he’s also really good at martial arts and carries a cool staff with him.”

“That’s Merlin!” the girl gushes excitedly, her walking having a bit of a jump. “The Wandering Hero: Merlin! He’s so cool! I think my grandpa mentioned him before, having trained in our dojo when he was still in training. Ma says he was the prettiest looking man next to Pa. And Pa says his quirk’s extra cool if you get to see it in person!”

(E/c) eyes sparkled the more she gushed about this hero of hers, one he’s never heard of because of his rather elusive nature as a hero.

“That sounds amazing, (Nickname)! I wish my family could have known All Might as well!” the green-haired boy’s tiny fists shook with excitement, sharing her enthusiasm.

“Tch, All Might’s still better. Just wait ‘til I become a hero, (Name)…” muttered the blond, hands in his pockets. “Then you’ll see that I’m definitely the best outta the rest.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, looking at her friend in disbelief. Then mischief.

Getting behind him, she kicks the backs of his knees, causing him to topple to the ground face first.

“Ah, Kacchan!”

“What the hell was that for, (Name)!?”

“That was so lame of you, Katsuki!” laughed the girl, sticking her tongue out as she grabbed the green-haired boy’s hand and proceeded to run ahead of him.

Angered the boy rushes to his knees, cheeks definitely not flushed, and gives the two a chase. “HAH!? WHO’RE YOU CALLING LAME!?”

Three little kids ran down the streets, laughing in their wake.

Traditions in Japan were rather a thing that made the country quite known to the outside world, as many adhered to certain types of customs.

And as per family tradition, certain family never fails to hand over ochugen gifts to the people in your lives.

A (h/c) girl was headed off to the Bakugou’s first, a box full of fresh harvest from her grandpa’s garden. Coincidentally, it also happened to be Izuku’s birthday and she got him special tickets to that superhero exhibit. To commemorate, she had even worn an All Might shirt!

Reaching the Bakugou’s, she put down the Midoriya’s box, before reaching for the doorbell. Someone yelled inside, followed by explosive remarks, which was something she’s rather used to.

Patiently waiting, she felt a buzz, taking her phone out of her shorts pocket, smiling when she saw a text from the birthday boy, feeling the excitement through his text.

The door clicked open, her smile still in place as she furiously texted Izuku back. As she pressed reply, she then pocketed her phone and readily met a pair of carmine eyes.

Except, the owner of said eyes came from the last person she cared for, smile flattening.

For a second there was surprise in his features, softening slightly as his usual scowl set in. His eyes took in her form, the box, then at the ridiculous shirt she had on. “What the fuck are you wear-“

Behind him, a voice called out. “(Name)-chan!”

It was Auntie Mitsuki.

Smile finding its way back, a rather polite one at that, the teen greeted her back. “Hiya, Auntie!”

Shouldering her son aside, receiving a snarky reply she didn’t bother with, the Bakugou matriarch’s eyes shined at the sight of the young teen. “Look at you, growing up so fast to be this cute!” unable to help herself, she reached over to pinch the younger girl’s cheeks before swallowing her into her arms for a hug. Releasing the girl, her carmine eyes then focused and shined at the items in her hand. “Ah, Shihan really has the neatest harvest every summer, thanks for these!”

“We most graciously bestow our gratitude to you, oh great Bakugou Mitsuki!” the teen implored, rather dramatically, earning a laugh between the two, like a running gag.

Bakugou could only watch, quite amazed at their relationship.

“Oi brat, get this will ya?” snapped his mother over her shoulder.

“Don’t tell me what to do, hag!” screamed the blond back, carefully taking the box from her hands.

Their eyes met briefly before she easily slid them away to focus on his mom, an instantaneous reaction.

“You seem dolled up, (Name)-chan. Got a date?”

Humming, she tilted her head to the side. “You could say that,” at that, Bakugou nearly stumbled in his step but she didn’t notice. “it’s Izuku’s birthday today and I’m just having a birthday date with him in a while!”

At the mentioned of Deku, Bakugou froze in his step, looking over his shoulder to take in her attire once more – a gaudy All Might shirt tucked into some simple denim shorts, then some sneakers.

“Aw, ain’t that cute. Oi, Katsuki, why aren’t you with them!?”

Caught, he burst out a reply. “HAH? Why the hell would I spend time with those extras?” his words got the best of him before he could control himself, her brows knitting together, pain flashing through (e/c) eyes for a quick second. He instantly regretted opening his stupid mouth.

“Anyways," he couldn't help notice the slight strain in her voice, feeling his heart drop "I just came to drop by our ochugen gifts. Thank you again for all your help, Auntie.” Grabbing the Midoriya’s gift box from the ground, the teen worked on a smile. “Please tell Uncle Masaru I said hi!” And with that, she was gone.

Both blonds watch the young girl walk away before the door closed. Without a word, Mitsuki walked back in, giving a quick smack to her son’s head before disappearing into the kitchen.

Her hit was rather soft, reprimanding.

Something unpleasant filled his gut as he dropped the gift box on the dining room table and headed off to his room, pained (e/c) eyes haunting him.

You always hurt the ones you love.

Does it feel weird to feel close to someone you haven’t spoken to in years? That there’s always been this sort of connection between the two of you that instantly links you together even after days, months, years of zero contact?

Well, that’s how Bakugou Katsuki feels towards Yuroichi (Name).

Ever since they were kids and he was introduced to (Name), she was all he cared about. Well, there was Deku, but he was second on his list.

(Name) had always been special for him.

But then, things changed.

Since being paired up with Deku for his practical exam, he was unsettled. Well, he’s been unsettled for a lot of things for lots of reasons. But basically, what he’s been unsettled about with Deku was (Name).

While he remembered wimpy Deku trailing behind him, there was always (Name) ready to drag him away or be beside him. Where there was Deku, (Name) was sure to follow. They were like a combo; one was never without the other. He hated it.

Deku had no fucking quirk, was weak, small, a shitty nerd, yet he had the fucking gall to stand up and try to be a hero. With that, (Name) shifted her attention and adoration to him and him alone.

Honestly, he didn’t mind that they were quirkless – they honestly just got in the way.

Still, it fucking hurts that (Name) wouldn’t bother looking his way or even saying a word to him. Fuck, even Deku would acknowledge him even if it were outta fear!

Bullying probably made sense to keep her distance, especially since he loved targeting weak quirkless like Deku and her. But to be on the receiving end of those angry eyes, it made him weak. It may have enforced and asserted his dominance in middle school, but to her, it was a disgusting power play.

He may not be close with her compared to when they were younger, but he’s always kept an eye out for her (and Deku, shut up). He knows that she’s an expert martial artist, bagging and winning several competitions and tournaments, was the pride of the school and her family dojo, sleeps a lot during classes, and sometimes, the older kids would pick on her because they knew she was tough.

(However, after that one time in middle school, she stopped with the fighting and worked on a clean slate.)

She never befriended anyone without a quirk lightly, the majority of her friends either were quirkless or had a really minor, insignificant quirk. She didn’t seem to care nor mind. However, Deku remained her closest companion.

He’d see her a lot – in hallways, in class, on the way home, but he never got to be with her.

Nonchalant, lax, yet kind and sweet to others, but to him, she was forcibly polite and civil.

Those adoring, reassuring, warm (e/c) eyes were reserved for that one shitty nerd.

He hated to admit it, but he craved for her attention, yearned for her approval, and desperately lingered on the fact that they were childhood friends, so he’s obliged to keep a relationship, even when now they’re barely acquaintances.

On his middle school graduation, while he was surrounded by his so-called friends and his parents, his eyes easily caught on two people laughing amongst themselves.

Just seeing them, laughing together with cherry blossoms fluttering to paint an idyllic image, suddenly made him feel extremely lonely. His hold on his diploma slackened, fingers and foot twitching, eyes taking his childhood acquaintances in.

Graduating top of his class, with a bright future set for UA High School. He should be excited, right? Ecstatic even at what he’s gained? Yet why does it feel so lacking?

Carmine eyes began to soften, especially at the smaller of the two. Realization dawned unto him, the occasion was rather bittersweet for (Name), as it was nearing a year since she lost her parents and she couldn’t share the joyous occasion with them. Thankfully, she had her grandfather with her, then Auntie Inko, and Deku.

But not him.

Irked, he left before his mom could find them, no doubt, to use the opportunity to snag a photo of the three.

Nothing hurts more than to realize that the one person – he swore to protect, to keep by his side, had completely shunned him.

At first, they were inseparable. But as the years passed, they drifted apart.

The day (Name) punched him was a literal awakening, a prologue really. It got him worked up. Then the Sludge Incident happened. Her parents died. The light in those (e/c) eyes weren’t as bright as before, even when she got a part-time job.

He knew he was wrong; he won’t deny that (but he won’t say it out loud either), but he won’t ever hide from it either.

After getting into UA, he felt her punch even more at the introduction of his classmates with quirks, as she aptly put it “better and flashier” compared to his.

That stung, hurting his ego.

Damn, the top was a challenge.

But he wasn’t backing down, damn it.

So, what is he was a proud asshole? He had every reason to be! He had compensated with his talents, smarts, and versatility.

Still, to be called out on having a shitty personality boosted only by the fact that he had a strong quirk could do a number to him.

When it came to matters of the heart, he sucked in that aspect.

(h/c) locks, framing a pretty face with (e/c) eyes, they always, always, always manage to catch him off-guard.

Unbeknownst to the green-haired nerd, whenever he opened his big mouth to his friends in 1-A, he’d hope there was something about (Name), no matter how small or insignificant. They even texted.

Pride would always win over him whenever Deku would openly talk about (Name) – Bakugou would pretend to be uninterested, looking out the window while he was actually taking in the nerd’s words like a starved man, he was the only source of news he had because for the first time in their life, (Name) was not there with them. It sucked. (She was very clear on steering away from heroics or people who had a quirk, despite having one herself)

The days were lonelier and duller without her. Deku’s ramblings were something – slightly comforting, but don’t tell him that, but it just missed that one figure next to him.

For all his bravado, just the mere mention of Yoruichi (Name) made him weak. Wait, scratch that, (Name) was a strong person by herself, he did not make him weak, shut up. Hesitate, yeah, that’s the word, she made him falter, hesitate. Whatever.

Thankfully, none of his idiotic ragtag of friends keyed in on that. Save for Deku.

Deku, who’d always known. Deku, that sharp fucking nerd who always tried to be the goody-two-shoes and goaded him to talk to her.

Like fuck he’d talk to him about (Name), fucking no way. He’d rather have his nails done with half-and-half bastard than to have a heart-to-heart talk with fucking Deku.

Still, there was just one thing he was sure of about Deku, one thing he’ll never admit to anyone – or even him, out loud: compared between the two, Deku was always the bigger person. He was kinder, gentler, better.

A part of him would forever be jealous of the fact that Deku had been there for her when he couldn’t. Deku had access to parts of (Name) he was barred from. Deku was protective of her. Deku had (Name).

And as for him? Well, he was probably good as a dead fuck to her.

The punch still stung.

Nothing hurts more than to realize that you never had a chance, to begin with.

From: (Name) Yuroichi

To: Bakugou Katsuki

I’m glad you’re safe.

A day after Kamino…

For once, the Bakugou household was at peace, a day after his kidnapping. The day before, there was screaming, yelling, crying from both parentals that probably had dried off for today. At least for the first few minutes of the day.

The doorbell rang, Katsuki called out to get it, desperate for a bit of distraction from the silence around him.

He opened the door then froze, breath hitching. Two breaths, actually.

Carmine met (e/c).

For once, indifference was not the expression set on her face that he was looking at, but a softened expression. So incredibly soft.

An image of a younger her suddenly came to mind, back to when they first met each other.

“Katsu- “stopping, her lips pinched together, a small frown setting in, not ready to say his name just yet.

Hurt flashed in his eyes, desperately taking her in.

When he was kidnapped, first of all, he was annoyed as fuck, but most of all, he was scared. The League of Villains had him by the neck, literally, immobilized him, just to lure out All Might. And the thing that kept him grounded was her, (Name). The memory of her soft expression after they’d washed the dishes, comforting silence between them, that burnt mark on her neck, her telling him to have fun at summer camp. Her text message.

Remembering her presence at his doorstep, his eyes caught hold of the item in her hand – ochugen gifts, he uncharacteristically gestured at it.

“U-Uh…”

“Y-Yeah…ochugen.”

“My mom’s not home, so…” his words came out lamely, weakly. So, unlike him.

But she was so lost in her head that she could only nod.

Gently, he reached for the box, their fingers brushing against each other lightly.

Something fluttered in his chest, wildly and tightly. Summer seemed to have come quickly as he was beginning to sweat, the smell of burnt sugar bleeding through.

“T-Then…”

“Hn,”

Head still hung low, he took it as her parting, something in his chest twisting painfully, and he slowly turned on his back.

(Before he headed back in, instincts – maybe, or her heart forced her to, she grabbed hold on the back of his shirt, stopping him, and pressed her head between his shoulder blades, taking in his scent.)

Bakugou didn’t move, feeling her shaking hands balling into fists, as though to ground herself.

“I…I know I said this already, but still, I want you to know,” her voice was shaky, but she continued to speak, taking a deep breath. “I’m so glad you’re safe.” The thing in his chest continued to flutter wildly, threatening to come out. “And I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

Silence followed, likening to a pregnant pause, there was more she wanted to say, but the fear of having your feelings get the best of you seemed off-setting in the given situation, so she settled for that.

Before another word was said, she hurriedly grabbed the Midoriya’s box and clumsily left, completely red in the face.

He watched her leave over his shoulder, she almost ran into the gate, fumbling with the box as she headed to the Midoriya’s.

Suddenly, he felt lighter. The punch no longer hurt, leaving a bruise in its wake. This was the beginning of progress with her, it was something. Proud as he is, Bakugou’s never one to admit his mistakes, but for her, he’ll try.

If anything, she was right about everything she thought about him. Especially the part that he was lame.

masterlist • eight

#lame #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki fic #bakugou katsuki angst #bakugou katsuki angst fic #bnha #bnha fic #bnha angst #bnha angst fic #bnha x reader #mha #mha x reader #mha fic #mha angst #mha angst fic

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trashy-mctrash · 4 years

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I know that Rook’s birthday has passed, but I saw a post today asking why Rook speaks French and I did look into this in an Rook Analaysis essay that I wrote for his birthday but didn’t post it here. So that post kinda made me want to post it to explain or hopefully look more into his character.

Rook Hunt is a mysterious and attractive character. Despite his unusual habits, he’s a true gentleman but is often seen as having strange characteristics. Here I will attempt to look into Rook’s character design to celebrate his birthday!!

Rook so far in the game is the only character we see speaking a language from our world, French. Some have found this confusing or unnecessary but actually, Rook speaking French makes perfect sense. Rook comes from Afterglow Savannah, a land based on the movie, the Lion King just like it’s NRC dorm counterpart. The Lion King is said to take place in Africa, specifically Kenya. Inspiration on the landscapes in the movie was from the animators visiting Kenya (Bake, 2019). French is the official language of 11 countries in Africa and the secondary language in 10, making it the 5th most spoken language in the world (Chutel, 2018). Kenya is one of the countries with french as its main language. Since rook comes from Afterglow Savannah, it’s natural that he would have qualities matching the area just like Ruggie and Leona who also come from the same place. But unlike them, Rook resides in the Pomefiore dorm, therefore he holds qualities for both of these. Therefore, Rook does not come from France or represent France, he is based on Africa and most likely comes from the twst version of it which would be Afterglow Savannah.

Although Rook is not French, many white Africans in Africa, especially South Africa originated from France, Germany and the Netherlands in 1652 (jyu.fi). It's common for some twst characters to be a mix of cultures and themes. Rook is one example of this, he’s a blend of Afterglow Savannah and Pomefiore as he comes from Afterglow and is based on the hunter from Snow White. Snow White is said to be based in Germany, specifically Germany during the Holy Roman Empire (esri). Germany is one of the three main countries previously mentioned, that majority of white Africans came from, which suits Rook’s appearance. Rook’s hats also resemble fashion from this time as well as matching his Snow White counterpart. As seen below:

Rook’s hair also appeals to both the hunter from Snow White and the matching time period. These hat styles were worn by those of higher class and by Rook wearing it, reflecting his position as deputy dorm leader of Pomefiore.

The 14th century was a time of vibrant poetry explosion fitting Rook’s personality. An example of a famous poet from this time is Dante, famously known for writing “The Divine Comedy” (Interesting Literature). He chose to write in Italian instead of Latin which was common during these times. French and Italian are both known as “romance” languages that both derived from Latin, which was the language of the Holy Roman Empire during this time (Language TSAR). When it comes to Rook giving out nicknames, these too fit the time period as it was common for people to be named after their place or qualities which is what Rook is seen as doing. An example is Riddle who he calls “Roi de Roses” which means “King of Roses” which fits the style of names of those of the high class (Benicoeur and Gwynek, 2003).

Bows were very common and practical in armies from the 12th to 16th centuries despite barely being recorded in history (Towens, 2019). This reflects perfectly onto Rook due to how little we know about him and the little trace he leaves behind which pairs well with his stealthy personality as a hunter but also shows his side as a “soldier” or a “guard” to Vil, his beliefs of beauty and possible other things we aren’t aware about. The main role of professional archers were for defense but were also used as mercenaries during crusades. Rook fits both of these as he plays the role of Vil’s defense and the protector of beauty wanting to cherish it. He can also be seen as a double edged sword as even though he stands by Vil, many have speculated that he may at some point betray Vil or help Neige doing what he believes to be most advantageous. Archery symbolises “aligning with the target” (Girvin, 2013) which means to give support towards something. Rook is seen as taking more supportive roles throughout the game by helping other students like Epel as seen in Leona’s lab coat story, helping him make a potion for his class (Twisted Wonderland Wiki). It can also mean to become the heart of a community, be truthful, in their times of need to be the voice of their minds to help solve their problems. Rook being honest can also be reflected in his arrows as they symbolise the sharp and accurate truths they contain, this can be seen in Vil’s lab coast story as he blatantly calls Vil “fat” with the intention of helping to increase his beauty, which despite his protests, Vil is seen appreciating (Twisted Wonderland Wiki).The archer is linked with the Centaur and Sagittarius (ironically his birth sign) which represents having insight which can be linked to Rook having knowledge of other students and of other things that normal people would not. Rook is known to freely speak his mind with what we see as with intentions of helping them even if his words or actions may be seen as weird or out of place, but in the end they have the effects he was aiming for or benefit the person in some way. Also “that hearts align in embracing the perfection of that targeting” (Girvin, 2013) which is poetic in Rook being a hunter and calling himself the “Hunter of Love.” An archer remains cool and observes from afar, becoming the symbol of honour, precision and patience.

In the Spanish caves of Cova dels Cavalls, they found etched carvings of archers estimated to be from about 7000 years ago (Stanley, 2020). They were believed to be a form or hunting magic ritual to manifest good hunting, this fits well with Rook being a magic user in the game and makes him wielding a bow make sense as well as again representing his Snow White counterpart. Archery and magic connections as referenced when Rook is in battle as he summons his magic attacks with an arrow releasing maneuver, as seen below:

This can also reference his love for art, arrows bound in one of the first forms of art for centuries and also shows their use and endless help throughout time. A metaphorical and physical weapon just like with Rook, attacking metaphorically with his words and physically with his arrows/magic. Arrows are meant to be simple yet two dimensional (with its pointy and flat ends), Rook too is portrayed as being simple yet ironically he is also not. Two dimensional as in maybe despite all our theorising, he may just be a simple man who loves beauty yet there are still many unanswered questions about him and his past. However this can be said for other characters in the game as well, so perhaps Rook Hunt is just a simple man with weird qualities? That is still to be discovered. “The durability of the arrow metaphor, as with archery in general, looks unlikely to go anywhere soon,” (Stanley, 2020) this is a simple symbol linked with archery which can further be associated with the idea of Rook being simple and not as complicated as we believe. Rook being able to use light and dark magic can reflect this as humans are neither dark or light, they are simple beings with desires and goals that can be either good or bad. Rook too has his desires that some might perceive as odd, his goals are simple to (as seen in the wish upon the stars event) see all the beauty in the world.

In Japan, Zen archery (or Kyudo) where the goal was to “achieve a balance among mind, body, and bow, which gives rise to a unity that links the spirit to the target,” (Encyclopedia.com, 2020). Which again reflects Rook’s ability of using both types of magic, showing his inner peace and balance and ability to use both types of magic. He is a character that we don't see explode or express vivid emotions which could be linked with his hunting too. Bow and arrows have been known as symbols of good luck against evil in Japan since immemorial. We will probably see this in action during Vil’s overblot as that will be the evil to defeat in Chapter 5 alongside the other characters.

The word “rook” has multiple meanings, like crows. Many have associated this and Rook’s poem about Crowley as them being signs of a possible connection between the two. Although this theory is very interesting and I would love for a twist like this, Disney is honestly too stupid to make a story as wonderful as that, but I could be wrong (please prove me wrong Disney). On the other hand it could symbolise Rook’s knowledge of everyone and how he could be aware of some of Crowley’s secrets or the secrets/mysterious of the school. They tend to be watchful creatures with great insight, which can be said the same for Rook as he observes other students and has knowledge of things that others normally do not have. Crows are also associated with transformation and change (Clifford, 2020) which could represent Rook helping Vil and Epel, along with others to bring forth their beauty. There is also a well known nursery rhyme about crows, as seen below:

Although the history behind the rhyme is not that clear, the seventh line does hold some connection to Rook’s wide range of secrets that he knows and holds himself. Rook is also used for loud and sociable people or animals who love to talk, Rook is known for his loud and expressive persona that fits this description. Rook can also mean cheat, which could link to him sabotaging Vil to save Neige. The name is given to those with dark hair which is clearly not Rook (with his blond locks) but could refer to his hunter counterpart instead.

Rook is famous for his golden bob that is quite the debate. However bobs have a deep history. In the 20th century, bobs used to symbolise independent, progessive people encouraging a more daring personality during those times. Movies have been the main reason for the spread and back in style of the bob. Rook embodies a free personality with his odd attire in the dorm that symbolises beauty (hunting boots and hats) showing his more bold side that can also be seen by his freely open speech. Joan of Arc is the main inspiration of the bob that was brought back by Antoine, a celebrity hairdresser, which he showed in his salon in 1909 (V is for Vintage, 2012). Although she wore it for more practical meanings, she still stands for representing the people and doing what she believed in. It’s likely though that the bob was more inspired by the hunter’s hair style for Rook yet it still represents daring and progressive people which Rook is commonly known for with his views and actions.

In conclusion, Rook Hunt is an odd yet interesting character. He is neither complex or simple. We still have much to learn about him which we hopefully will in the coming chapters and his birthday event. Although his character design may seem strange, in the end they make perfect sense when looking at the connections they all have towards the game and it’s details. I hope that this managed to clear up Rook’s character and explain more about him. However, there are a few attributes that are still questionable which if Disney has any concept of storytelling, they will explain...I hope for Rook’s sake. His stalking and obsession could be linked to how he sees himself as nothing much and viewing others as better or more beautiful, in that case he’s got some emotional package. Still does not excuse his actions. These tendencies might also be them expanding on a hunter stalking and keeping track of their prey, in this case for Rook it would be people he finds interesting. In the end he’s one of the many wonderful boys we have to learn more about and love.

References:

Baker, Craig. 2019. 25 Surprising Facts about the Lion King. Mental Floss.

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/57386/30-facts-about-lion-king

Benicoeur, Arval and Gwynek, Talan. 2003. Fourteenth Century Venetian Personal Names. S-gabriel.org.

https://www.s-gabriel.org/names/arval/venice14/

Chutel, Lynsey. 2018. French is now the fifth most spoken world language and growing—thanks to Africans. QuartzAfrica.

https://qz.com/africa/1428637/french-is-worlds-fifth-spoken-language-thanks-to-africans/#:~:text=French%20remains%20the%20sole%20official,second%20official%20language%20in%2010.

Clifford, C Garth. 2020. Crow Symbolism & Meaning (+Totem, Spirit & Omens). World Birds.

https://www.worldbirds.org/crow-symbolism/

Encyclopedia.com. 2020. Sport and Religion. Encyclopedia.com.

https://www.encyclopedia.com/environment/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/sports-and-religion#:~:text=Throughout%20human%20history%2C%20sports%20and,their%20primary%20means%20of%20communication.

Girvin, Tim. 2013. The Symbolism Of Archery. Girvin.

https://www.girvin.com/the-symbolism-of-archery/

Interesting Literature. The Best Fourteenth-Century Poems Everyone Should Read. Interesting Literature.

https://interestingliterature.com/2019/11/the-best-fourteenth-century-poems-everyone-should-read/#:~:text=The%20fourteenth%20century%20was%2C%20in,vibrant%20language%20for%20vernacular%20poetry.

Jyu.fi. Ethinic Groups. Jyu.fi.

https://www.jyu.fi/viesti/verkkotuotanto/kp/sa/peop_ethnicgrps.shtml

Stanley, John. 2020. Archery HIstory: Arrows of the Imagination, Art and Culture Symbolism. World Archery.

https://worldarchery.org/news/178453/archery-history-arrows-imagination-art-and-cultural-symbolism

Twisted Wonderland Wiki. Leona Kingscholar/Personal Story/SR Lab Coat. Twisted Wonderland Fandom.

https://twisted-wonderland.fandom.com/wiki/Leona_Kingscholar/Personal_Story/SR_Lab_Coat

Twisted Wonderland Wiki. Vil Schoenheit/Personal Story/SR Lab Coat. Twisted Wonderland Fandom.

https://twisted-wonderland.fandom.com/wiki/Vil_Schoenheit/Personal_Story/SR_Lab_Coat

Towens. 2019. Arrows in the Middle Ages. Bow International.

https://www.bow-international.com/features/arrows-in-the-middle-ages/

V is for Vintage. 2012. The Bob: History of a Hairstyle. V is for Vintage.

https://visforvintage.net/2012/04/03/history-of-bob-hairstyle/

#I'm sorry this is soo long #it's 6 pages omg #I included references to the sites I mentioned #sorry if I made any mistakes #this was based on what I found on google so blame google #anyway Rook's deserves to have a week long birthday so it's a pass lol #rook hunt #I actually wonder if there is more i could mention next time muhahahahah #twst rook #I love u roookkkk #twst #twisted wonderland

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vilevampire · 3 years

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“Crushing” (One Shot)

Thank you @louyd and @the-writer-nerd-ro for helping me beta read this <3 This is actually the first fic I wrote for ducktales, so if anything’s kinda weird, that’s probably why.

Rating: Teen and up audiences

Trigger Warnings: Minor injury, hospital

Pairing: Louie Duck x B.O.Y.D

Summary: When Louie first met Boyd, he thought the boy was just an emotionless, cold-hearted machine... ...and then he fell in love with him.

9.833 words

Ao3 Link

"Hi, I'm Boyd, a definitely real boy!"

"Uh... sure you are…"

—————

That exchange was the most of Louie's memories from the first time he had met Boyd. After Doofus Drake's birthday party, the two of them had left off on their own separate ways. And Louie hadn't given the weird robot any second thought... that was, until he met it again. "Louie, meet my friend Boyd!" Huey exclaimed rather enthusiastically. It was clear for anyone to see that he cared a lot about Boyd and wanted him and his brother to get along. Dewey and Webby were currently unavailable, and so Huey thought that Louie was the best remaining candidate for meeting him. "Hi, I'm Boyd, a definitely real boy! We've met each other before!" The child held his hand out, smiling, his voice and movements reproduced identically to the first time they had met. "...I'm Louie, but I think you already know that." Different from last time, however, Louie at least accepted the boy's handshake, just to be polite. Huey stared at their interaction in shock. He thought he had listed all the possible ways this meeting could go, and yet clearly, he had overlooked the possibility that his brother and his new best friend would somehow already know each other. "WAIT, you guys have met each other before?! When? How? Why is this the first time that I'm hearing about this?!" Boyd, his cheerful smile unwavering, promptly answered his friend's question. "We—" "We just happened to bump into each other before, that's all." …Or he would have, if Louie hadn't interrupted him with a shrug. Louie knew his brother well enough to know that he would demand a lengthy explanation of his prior meeting with Boyd and, as it turns out, he really didn't feel like explaining everything that went down at Doofus' birthday party (or talk about the scam that he tried to pull). Knowing enough about Boyd's backstory, Huey didn't buy his brother's explanation, but decided to forget about it for now. As long as they both got along well, he could get all the answers to his questions later on. With a sigh, Huey gave in: "Alright, if you say so…" he said lightly, staring pointedly at Louie with a look that he hoped conveyed a different message:"We'll talk about this later." Louie looked away from his brother's glare to play with his phone. Boyd was still smiling, seemingly oblivious to the wordless exchange happening between the two brothers. Huey cleared up his throat to speak again. "In any case, are you possibly free today, Louie? Me and Boyd were actually planning to hang out together and, if you wanted to, you could come join us! Right, Boyd?" "Yeah! We would love to have you with us, Louie!" Boyd smiled at him, looking brighter than the sun itself. Louie looked up from his phone to stare at his brother and his robot friend absent-mindedly while he contemplated the invitation. It had already been quite a while since Louie had been able to hang out with his family without getting involved in magical hijinks, and, as much as Louie would never admit it out loud, he kind of missed spending quality time with his family every now and then. Subconsciously, the young duck's gaze lingered slightly longer on Boyd. He thought that, at the very least, there would be no way he would get bored if he was going to be hanging out with a robot. Louie plastered on his signature lazy smile before replying, "Yeah sure, why not? I'm bored anyway." Both Huey and Boyd were visibly excited by this response and soon the three of them revised their plans for the day to include Louie. Before this, Louie hadn't actually realized robots even could become visibly excited. He thought maybe the thing was programmed to match the emotions displayed by the people closest to it? Either way, it was fine by him, as long as he didn't end up bored out of his skull hanging with Huey and his new friend. Huey and Boyd's plans for the day ended up consisting of a picnic in the park. Louie wasn't one to turn down free food, so he was alright with these plans, if only for the opportunity to kill some time. "Try not to eat all the food when we get there." His brother lightly teased while packing things up. Louie's only response was to nod with a serious expression. As he watched Huey and Boyd work efficiently together to pack up everything they would need, he noticed how alike the two of them were. They worked perfectly in sync to get everything in order. The duck frowned slightly at the thought. He didn't like that his brother's new best friend was some cold-hearted machine. Sure, he might joke around saying that Huey was robot-like, but he didn't mean it like that. He decided to keep an eye on it to make sure nothing would happen to his older brother. Soon enough, the three of them left off for their picnic.

—————

Boyd set up their picnic in a nice spot by a tree's shadow while Huey babbled on about the things they had seen during their trip to Japan. Louie seemed to be only half-listening while playing on his phone.

"...You should have seen the Sakura trees! The food was great too. I think you would have really liked it there. You should come with us next time." "Mhm." Louie nodded inattentively. Huey was satisfied enough with that answer.

He knew that despite his brother's laid-back demeanor, he was still paying attention to his story. Louie was much smarter than he acted and he would never pass up the opportunity to learn about something he could possibly use to his advantage later on.

"The picnic is ready!" Boyd called them over once he finished laying down the food over the picnic towel. Louie put his phone down for the first time since they left home.

Sandwiches, pastries, pies, and desserts laid neatly arranged on plates next to a jar of orange juice, plastic cups, and a can of Pep that they brought just for Louie. They sat together in a triangle around the food and beverages and they each picked up something to eat… including Boyd.

Louie gawked as the android took a bite out of his sandwich in delight.

"Robots can EAT?! " He exclaimed, completely taken aback.

Boyd quickly swallowed up his food to reply: "Yeah! I even asked my dad to add a taste buds function, so I can even taste the food, just like you guys!" He said, looking like the happiest kid in the world.

Louie quickly glanced from Boyd to Huey, silently asking: "Dad?"

"He means Dr. Gearloose." Huey explained.

"But… do robots even need to eat?" Louie questioned again, looking over at Boyd.

"We do not, but I still enjoy it!" The boy cheerfully clarified.

"But then… isn't that just a waste of food?"

Just for a moment, Louie thought he had seen Boyd's smile falter. As soon as he blinked again, however, the other boy's expression had already returned to his usual one.

"Louie! " Huey snapped, ready to give him a scolding.

"No, Huey, it's okay." Boyd put his hand on Huey's shoulder. "He has a point."

"But…!" Huey looked over to Boyd, putting his hand over his friend's. He was hurt and upset over Louie's remark.

"See Hue? He said it himself that I have a point. He agrees with me." Louie casually gestured towards Boyd, right before taking a bite out of a flaky pastry.

"Louie! I can't believe you…" Huey looked ready to get up from his spot, but Boyd held him down.

"It's okay Huey, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it." Boyd comforted his friend with a few pats on the back.

Huey scoffed. "I'm not so sure about that." He shot Louie one last glance before sighing and moving his attention back to the food.

With no more words, Louie quickly finished his meal, suddenly feeling annoyed. He grabbed the nearest can of Pep and got up. "I'm going home." he turned around and walked away.

—————

By the time he got back to the manor, Dewey and Webby had just returned from whatever adventure they had gone off to earlier.

The two of them had their clothes dirty and torn in a few places, and it looked like the top of Dewey's hair was a little charred.

"Louie! Oh my gosh, you'll never believe what we just went through. We—" Dewey started talking excitedly, gesticulating all the while.

"Wait." Webby quickly interrupted him, putting her hand over his beak. "Louie, what's wrong?"

Once she said that, Dewey gave a better look at his brother and noticed his expression.

Normally, Louie would have no problem keeping up a good poker face. He could even brag and say he was much better at lying than other people twice his age. But it seemed like he wasn't expecting to find his siblings here, for his face wore an annoyed expression instead of his usual lazy one.

He quickly fixed his expression, however, lying through his teeth: "Oh, it's nothing. Just that my Pep got warm, that's all," he said smoothly, holding up the opened can.

"Mhmm… right…" Webby eyed him suspiciously. The girl might be naive at times, but she certainly wasn't stupid. After spending so much time with her brothers, she had learned to recognize when something was bothering them. "And where's Huey?"

"He's busy having lunch with his new robot." Louie rolled his eyes.

"Huey's got a robot? Like, just for him?! Dude!" Dewey exclaimed in disbelief, right before running off to beg Uncle Scrooge and Dr. Gearloose to give him his own robot.

As for Webby, while her eyes sparkled at the mention of a robot, she was still suspicious. She felt like something was off with Louie, but he wasn't willing to share what it was. That certainly didn't surprise her, as Louie was always like this, but it was still frustrating not knowing who or what might have hurt her brother.

Eventually, though, she decided to let it go. Another thing Webby had learned after spending more time with her newest family was to not pry into other people's privacy. Her loved ones were more than competent enough to take care of their own problems most of the time. Not every single situation needed her help.

Besides, Louie was very good at keeping his secrets to himself when he really wanted to.

"Alright, if you say so… but you should know that if you ever need anything, I'm here to help you out!" Webby said, wearing a gentle smile.

Louie let his poker face fall, looking at his sister with a warm gaze.

"...Thanks, Webs." He meant it.

"No problem! That's what family is for!" She beamed, inching closer to grab him into a hug, before quickly realizing she still looked like a mess. "Oops. Guess I should go wash myself first."

"...Yeah, you should probably go do that." Louie smiled, taking a step back to make sure none of the dirt touched his immaculate green hoodie.

"Alright, we'll talk more later! YOU OWE ME A HUG!" And with that, the girl ran off.

As soon as Webby left the room, Louie's face fell, a broody expression appearing once again. With low shoulders, he stalked directly to his room for an afternoon nap.

While browsing on his phone trying his best to fall asleep, he couldn't stop wondering why his chest suddenly felt so heavy.

—————

Over the course of the next day, Huey made a real effort to avoid Louie, who was all too happy to pretend that nothing ever happened.

Of course, the rest of the family immediately realized something was up, but Huey refused to talk about it, simply stating "He knows what he did" when asked. Louie denied anything ever happened in the first place.

Eventually, enough was enough though and Louie figured it might not be the end of the world to apologize.

The next day, Louie woke up earlier than usual to greet Huey in the kitchen.

"Good morning, Hue." Louie said with a yawn.

Huey looked at him suspiciously while Louie sat down nearby. His brother was normally the last to wake in the family.

Louie sighed before he spoke. "Listen, I'm sorry for the way I treated your friend at the park. I didn't mean it, okay?"

Huey blinked at him, processing his brother's words.

"Are you being honest?"

"Of course I am! I swear on all my money that I'm telling you the truth." Louie put one hand by his chest and held the other up in the air.

Huey visibly relaxed upon hearing that. Before saying anything else, he finished cooking breakfast, handing Louie a plate with eggs, bacon, a fork and a knife.

"Okay then. If you're really sorry, you should apologize to Boyd too." Huey stated while taking his seat with his own breakfast in hands.

Louie froze grabbing his fork. "Is that really necessary?"

Huey looked at him in disbelief. "What do you mean? He was the one whose feelings you hurt in the first place. Of course you should apologize to him!"

"Of course, of course, it's just… what I meant to say is just that, uhm… can robots even feel anything?"

If Huey already looked surprised before, he certainly looked shocked now, with a little bit of anger seeping through.

"Boyd is not just a machine. He's a person, just like you and me."

Louie stared at him in confusion. "Is he, though? I thought I heard you say just the other day that he can fly and shoot laser beams from his eyes? I'm not sure about you Huey, but I certainly can't do that."

As much as it hurt to hear that, Huey tried to muster the willpower to not get mad at his brother. Louie simply didn't understand that despite not being human, Boyd was still his own person with his own thoughts and feelings.

He was ignorant, and ignorance was no sin, as long as one was willing to learn.

Huey stayed quiet for a while, focusing only on his food, long enough to make Louie start feeling anxious, until he finally replied:

"Alright Lou, I get where you're coming from." "You do? " "I do." He nodded. "And that's why I want you to spend more time with Boyd." Louie looked at him, confused. Why would he want him to spend more time with the robot?

Huey sighed once he saw the look on his brother's face. "I think the easiest way to make you understand how much more Boyd is than ‘just a robot' would be if you spent some more time with him." Huey put his fork down once he had finished eating. "Until then, I'm not willing to fully forgive you yet."

Louie thought about this. This… Wasn't this situation perfect, actually? By spending time alone with Boyd, he could get the robot's help in pulling one of his schemes without his brothers getting involved!

Louie smiled sweetly at his brother.

"I'll do it." "Really? I mean... of course you will. I'll call Boyd over some other time so you two can hang out together, alright?" "Fine by me, dear Hubert."

—————

"Boyd, have you ever gone to Funso's?" "Nope! Huey told me about it though. He said it's an amazing, magical place!" "Well, let's go there then."

Boyd gasped. "Really?! You'll take me there? Yay!" The parrot started hopping around while moving his arms up and down. He seemed very excited.

Watching this, an abnormal thought crossed Louie's mind. This thing… wasn't it kind of cute? Especially when it looked at him with such a joyous expression like that...

Louie shook his head, shooing away those thoughts. In the end, Boyd was still a robot. A cold-hearted machine incapable of thinking and feeling like normal people. He shouldn't let himself get carried away.

"Yeah, I'll take you to Funso's. Let's go." He said while walking away.

"Yeah! Okay!" Boyd gladly followed suit.

—————

At Funso's, Louie wasn't interested in ordering the usual or trying to teach Boyd the many uses of flattery. Instead, he chose Funso's because, with a literal machine by his side, they could easily beat all of the top scores in the games and get tons of tickets!

It was a rather simple "scheme" considering the things Boyd was capable of accomplishing, but he thought it might be best to test the waters first before jumping right into an elaborate scheme that might backfire on him.

At his side, Boyd wouldn't stop gasping and pointing at different things, seemingly entranced by everything he could see. "Oh, is that…?! What is that, Louie?!" Boyd shook Louie's shoulders.

"That's the ball pit." "Is it dangerous? Is it okay to touch it?" Louie shrugged: "Probably not dangerous. And yeah, you can touch it." "Really?! Thank you!" Boyd was all smiles as he made his way over to the ball pit.

Time went by like that, with Boyd asking Louie about each thing before trying it out. At some point, he realized Boyd started pulling on his sleeves while walking around together. He found that curious, but since it didn't bother him, he chose to stay quiet about it.

Eventually, Louie directed Boyd's attention to the Skee Ball table, encouraging him to try it out, only to be disappointed by his performance.

"This is so much fun!" Boyd said happily while grabbing the tickets that were ejected from the machine. "Mhm…" Louie grunted, not looking nearly as happy as Boyd.

How could he word this… the robot's aim and reflexes weren't bad by any means, but… well, he was average. Not too bad, but not outstanding either. He was as good as any other person around their age.

"Are you having fun too, Louie?" "Huh? Oh, yeah. Totally. I'm having lots of fun." Louie snapped back to reality at the sudden question. "Are you sure? You don't look like you're having fun. You haven't even played any of the games. So far you've only been letting me try them." Boyd looked at him with what looked like genuine concern, handing over all the tickets he got. "Yeah yeah, it's all good as long as you're having fun." Louie grabbed the tickets, sticking them in his pockets.

Boyd suddenly stopped what he was doing to look at the duck standing right in front of him. "Louie…" His voice trembled with emotion. It sounded extremely real. "Thank you." Boyd offered him a sweet smile.

Louie suddenly felt a sting in his heart. He made a sour face.

"Uhmm… Louie? Did I say something wrong?" Boyd asked apprehensively. "Huh? It's nothing." "Hmm… okay then." Boyd breathed out in relief.

Before they left Funso's, Louie made sure to make Boyd try out the video games as well, to see if he might fare off better.

Alas, he obtained no substantial results.

With a disappointed sigh, he let Boyd have all the tickets for himself and choose whatever he wanted from the ticket shop.

Upon hearing that, Boyd looked happy enough to cry. While jumping up and down, he chose his souvenirs from the shop.

"...?" Louie was surprised when his phone screen suddenly became obstructed by the sight of a gray parrot plushie.

"Here, for you! I bought one for myself too." Boyd excitedly showed him the plushie of a white duck while handing over the parrot plush.

"Oh… thanks." Louie picked up the plushie and put it in his pockets. Boyd giggled happily. "No problem!"

Boyd bought a few other souvenirs that were handed over to him in a plastic bag before turning to Louie. "Where do you want to go next, Louie?" "Uhh... actually, I think I'm gonna go home."

Louie expected Boyd to become disappointed after he said that, but instead the boy simply nodded. "Alright! I'll walk you home."

—————

"So... how did it go?" Huey paced back and forth in their room. "How did what go?" Louie tried playing dumb.

Huey decided to ignore that.

"Did you apologize to him?"

Right as he was about to place his new plushie on top of his bed, Louie stopped. Suddenly, he dropped the plushie and brought both of his hands to his face.

"I didn't." He said quietly. "What was that?" "I FORGOT TO APOLOGIZE TO HI— OW! " Louie cursed out loud, right before getting hit by an incoming pillow thrown by Dewey from the top of his bed.

"Keep it quiet down there! Some of us are trying to fall asleep over here. And by some of us, I mean me." He huffed.

"...Sorry." Louie said.

More quietly this time, Louie told Huey everything that happened.

Huey simply shook his head in disappointment. "Let me guess, you brought him to Funso's thinking he would break all the records and top scores?" "Weellll… maybe I DID, maybe I DIDN'T, y'know? Who's to say what I did or didn't think about at the time?" "So you did." Huey sighed. "Louie, I told you, he's not—" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." Louie quickly cut him off with a huff, much to Huey's annoyance.

Huey gave a long sigh. "At the very least, please apologize to him."

In response, Louie just mumbled something quietly as he crawled onto his bed.

He didn't really want to see the robot again, but it seemed like he would have no other choice.

—————

The next time he would see Boyd be one week later.

Apparently, there were two Junior Woodchuck badges that Huey was going to help Boyd with, one for camping for a whole week and another one for teaching others how to camp.

Although his siblings already knew the basics of camping, he still invited them, if not just to introduce them to Boyd.

Louie hated doing any sort of work though so he was mostly just there to apologize to Boyd.

"Hello again Louie!" Boyd waved at him as he walked closer to the duck. They were already at their planned camping spot and the sky was only beginning to turn dark. "How are you?"

"...Hey." Louie didn't spare him a single glance from his phone. "I'm good." He didn't ask how Boyd was doing either, but the other didn't seem to mind. "That's good!" Boyd simply smiled at him before going off to meet Webby and Dewey.

The three of them immediately got along and Boyd soon saw himself being flooded with inquiries about robotics and mechas, to which he answered each and every single one.

"Can you fly? Can you shoot laser beams from your eyes? Do you have super strength? What about super speed? Can you teleport? Do you have icy cold breath? Are your hands and feet detachable? Can you read my mind? What number am I thinking of right now?" Dewey babbled on. "Dewey! Can't you see Boyd is a kid just like us? Why would he be able to do all that?" Webby scolded him.

Boyd chuckled. "Actually, yes to the first three questions, no to the rest, and I'm going to guess that the number you are thinking of right now is a four." "AHA! So you CAN read my mind!" Dewey exclaimed.

Their conversation continued peacefully like that, with Boyd even giving a short display of his flying abilities, until Huey finally called out to them.

"Hey guys! I finished writing my daily journal entry, so let's get started with some camping!"

They all cheered excitedly, except for Louie, who was only half-listening.

"Now, first we're going to set up our tents, so let's get started! Dewey, Webby, please come over here. Boyd, why don't you go help Louie out?"

Louie raised his head at the mention of his name only to see a delighted Boyd walking over to him. He didn't even have to look at his brother's face to realize that he was trying to set up a situation where he could apologize to Boyd privately.

Louie, instead, pretended not to see him and simply continued scrolling through his phone.

"Hey Louie!" Boyd quickly caught up to him. Huey asked me to help teach you how to set up your tent!" "Mhm." Louie still didn't look up from his phone.

It's not like he didn't know to set up a tent, okay? It's just that, why would he spend the time and energy doing all the work when he could convince others to do it for him?

Noticing the duck's absent mind, Boyd became interested in what could possibly be distracting him. "What are you looking at?" Boyd moved closer until his face was almost touching Louie's and he could clearly see the contents on the phone screen.

Startled, Louie quickly turned off his phone. He was very uncomfortable when people he didn't know well enough invaded his personal space, and his siblings certainly knew about that, but Boyd did not.

In his panic, he started falling backwards from the log he was sitting on.

Boyd quickly noticed it and grabbed him by the waist, holding his back upright.

"Are you alright, Louie?" He asked with a guilty expression. "I'm sorry if I startled you." "That's not the problem." Louie glared at him, clearly upset. "You're in my personal space!"

Boyd quietly gasped. He hadn't realized it before, but it was obvious to him now how rude he had been. "I'm so sorry! I—" He quickly let go of Louie's waist, only for the duck to completely fall backwards with a thud.

"Ow…" Louie mumbled. "Louie! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to—" "Just leave me alone." He cut him off.

It had technically been Louie's fault for not adjusting back to his previous position once Boyd caught him, but he wasn't willing to admit it, and he would continue to be unreasonably upset at the robot over it.

Boyd gulped. He thought he had seriously messed up. "I'm… sorry. I'll leave you alone now."

—————

"Boyd, have you seen Louie anywhere?"

After their conflict, Boyd decided to focus on setting up his own tent and gathering the materials necessary for the campfire. Huey, Dewey and Webby had already finished setting up their own tents as well, so the only tent left in their campsite that was still on the ground was Louie's.

Once Huey said that, Boyd started to look around.

Louie was nowhere to be seen.

He noticed a trail leaving their campsite going deep into the forest.

"I think he went into the forest." Boyd told Huey his findings.

Huey frowned. Louie wasn't the type to go on random walks without telling anybody beforehand unless he was upset. "Do you know if anything happened to Louie while he was here? Did he seem like there was something bothering him?" Boyd's expression immediately became guilty as he lowered his shoulders. "I… I think I made him mad."

He told his friend about what happened between them, to which Huey's reaction was only to click his tongue. He couldn't believe his brother could be so selfish.

Louie might be lazy, stubborn and far too scheming for his own good, but he wasn't heartless by any means.

"First of all, we should go look for him before he puts himself in trouble." Huey shook his head. "And then, he urgently needs to apologize to you."

—————

After a brief discussion, they decided to leave Dewey and Huey taking care of the campsite while Webby, who had night vision goggles, and Boyd, who had natural night AND heat vision, would go looking for Louie.

They had to walk quite a bit before Boyd's sensors started picking up on something. Suddenly, he stopped walking, turning his head abruptly in one direction. The boy's expression became visibly uneasy.

Webby noticed the boy's unrest and asked: "What's wrong, Boyd? Did you hear anything?" "I think Louie is in danger! Please, try to follow me." Sensing something was up, Boyd fastened his pace to an inhuman speed.

Only someone as capable as Webby would be able to keep up with Boyd's movements. She jumped over rocks, logs and bushes as fast as she could, but the distance between them still grew wider and wider.

They soon started to notice the tracks of a large wild animal, along with small droplets of blood scattered around. Boyd quickened his pace even further.

Eventually, they reached their destination. It was the top of a relatively small cliff, with only rocks, trees and foliage near the bottom.

Webby looked around, puffing from exhaustion. "Where's Louie...?"

Boyd looked behind him, feeling even more guilty. He would have had no trouble carrying Webby on their way to the cliff, but he hadn't thought of doing so at the time.

"I think he's at the bottom of the cliff. He's still alive, but…" The usually cheerful boy made a serious expression that did not fit him in the slightest. "I'm going to have to go there alone. If I carried you down, I wouldn't be able to bring both of you back up at once."

‘Plus, I think he might be injured…' is the part Boyd avoided saying. He didn't want to worry Webby any further.

The girl nodded. She had already deduced that the tracks they had seen earlier had likely been made by an adult grizzly bear and, although they were able to climb trees, she had the means to keep herself safe from it as long as she stayed on higher ground.

"Please… take care of my brother." "Don't worry." He nodded. "I'll bring him back safe and sound."

Boyd walked over to the edge of the cliff before taking flight.

—————

Louie Duck was known to be the lazy Duck brother.

The evil triplet.

People thought he was greedy, money-loving, manipulative and egotistical.

He was fine with that.

In fact, he embraced it.

It was convenient for him.

People expected less of him because of it.

Yep. He was fine with that.

Louie hugged himself tightly.

He kept repeating those words in his mind, desperately trying to convince himself.

He currently looked dirty and disheveled, his green hoodie was full of tatters, his phone was broken and blood oozed out from several cuts.

But worst of all, he had broken one of his legs in the fall.

He rested his head on the knee of his other leg as he sobbed quietly. So quietly that no one would be able to hear him, unless they were sitting right next to him.

Or unless they were a robot, of course.

"Louie?" Boyd called out to him hesitantly. He found Louie hidden in a small, humid cave that he seemingly crawled himself into.

Louie's shoulders shook. He tried to wipe up the tears from his face, but failed. No matter what, they wouldn't stop flowing.

Boyd slowly walked closer to him.

"Louie, are you—" He stopped himself. What was he supposed to ask? 'Are you okay?' 'Are you crying?' Either way, the answer was obvious just from a glance.

Boyd silently cursed himself for not bringing a first aid kit. In the first place, it was his fault Louie had gotten injured. He was the one who made him mad, he was supposed to keep an eye on him, he should have been there to protect him, it was all his fault, he—

"I'm sorry," Louie said with a hiccup. "I'm sorry". "What are you sorry for? It's my fault, I—" "No. You're wrong. It's my fault." He hugged himself even tighter, grabbing at his sleeves. "I had no reason to be mad at you, I just… I'm a horrible person, I—" He paused for a while, before whispering almost inaudibly: "I always mess up…"

Boyd watched the boy sob in front of him without knowing what to do. They weren't that close, he didn't know what to say to make him feel better.

But still, he was going to try.

He walked up to Louie and sat down by his side.

Slowly, he grabbed one of Louie's hands. When the duck didn't react, Boyd opened his mouth to speak:

"You're not a horrible person." He squeezed the other's hand slightly. "Louie, you're just a kid. It's okay to make mistakes sometimes. Everyone does."

He paused for a moment before continuing: "And, y'know, realizing your mistakes is the first step to becoming a better person."

Gently, Boyd pulled Louie into a hug.

"You're not a horrible person. I like you, Louie. I think you're fine the way you are."

At first, Louie didn't show any reaction. Gradually, he started to sob louder, until his weeping echoed all throughout the cave. He hugged Boyd back, tightly enough to make any other person run out of breath.

Boyd pat his back reassuringly. "It's okay. You're not a bad person. I like you very much, Louie. There's nothing wrong with you."

Boyd kept on incessantly tranquilizing Louie until the boy's crying eventually died down.

While carrying Louie in his arms, Boyd flew back up to the top of the cliff. Along with Webby, they returned to their campsite with no other major incidents happening.

Unfortunately, their camping plans had to be cancelled due to Louie's injury.

—————

"Good morning, Louie!" Louie turned off his phone to look up at Boyd, who was joyfully walking inside his hospital room. "How are you feeling today?"

Louie smiled back at him.

"I'm doing better, actually. They said they're going to let me off soon."

"Really?! That's great."

Boyd had been visiting him daily ever since he had been admitted to the hospital, sometimes along with his family, sometimes on his own. The boy would bring a different gift with each visit, usually flowers or candy bars. Today, it seemed like he had brought something different for him, however.

"Look! I brought you a friend." Boyd handed over to him a white duck plushie, the very same one Boyd acquired at Funso's. "Do you still have the other one I gave you?" "Ah… yeah, I think so. It should be somewhere in my room."

Boyd became even happier upon hearing that. "Really? You didn't lose it or throw it away?" He said while taking his seat right by Louie's side. "Huey told me that you lose your things all the time."

Louie made a bitter face as he mumbled: "Huey …"

Boyd chuckled softly. The innocent sound made Louie turn his head.

How could a machine look so... genuine?

He stared at the robot in front of him, taking in every detail, but he still wasn't able to spot a single expression or mannerism that looked faked, robotic or out of place.

He noticed the way Boyd breathed in and out, how he blinked sporadically, his soft-looking plumage, the wrinkles that were naturally a result of his smile, the slight redness spread across his cheeks… At some point, when does it stop being 'just a machine', and start to become a real person?

"Hello? Louie?" Boyd waved his hands right in front of him. "Hm? Oh." He just realized he had been staring at Boyd for quite a while now. His face quickly became tinted with red. "Sorry. I spaced out." Boyd smiled at him reassuringly. "It's okay, no need to worry about it."

Louie's only response was a small nod. He started to wonder if Boyd was even capable of becoming angry at someone.

"Hey, Boyd?" "Yes?"

Louie avoided eye contact as he began saying: "I'm sorry about earlier... I mean like, way earlier. Back at the park I… was really insensitive to you." He sighed before continuing, this time staring right at Boyd. "Back when we first met I thought you didn't have any feelings, that you were just a heartless machine… now I realize that wasn't true. I'm really sorry."

At the end of his speech, he looked downwards, quietly playing with his hands. Boyd stared at him for a while, before slowly placing his hands over Louie's and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"It's okay." He smiled at him, this time not dazzling like the sun, but instead softly and gently, much like a blossoming flower. "I know you're not a bad person. I forgive you."

Louie bit his lip to stop himself from shedding any tears. Instead, he only grabbed Boyd's hands and squeezed them back, continuing to look downwards.

For a while, they stayed just like that, stuck in a silence that was not at all awkward.

"Hey," Louie suddenly spoke up, retracting his hands. "You should give me your phone number."

In the spur of the moment, he had decided there would be no disadvantages in trying to get closer to Boyd.

Or at least, that's how Louie liked to think about it. The truth was that he simply wanted to grow closer to Boyd.

"Okay!" Much to his relief, the other readily agreed. "Cool. I'll message you once I get out of the hospital." "Okay. I'll be waiting."

—————

handsome_duck: hey. is this boyds number? louie here B.O.Y.D: Hello Louie!! This is Boyd! ヾ(☆▽☆) How are you? Have you been discharged from the hospital yet? handsome_duck: yeah. im doing fine now B.O.Y.D: That's great! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ I'm glad you're feeling better. (o˘◡˘o) handsome_duck: yea handsome_duck: thx for coming to visit handsome_duck: ur rlly nice handsome_duck: and it was way less lonely B.O.Y.D: No problem! I simply worried about your well-being. And you're very nice too! (＾▽＾)

Louie sighed as he put his phone away. His heart started feeling much lighter after he had properly apologized to Boyd.

His phone buzzed when he got sent another message.

B.O.Y.D: By the way, I love your username! ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ

Louie chuckled before he replied:

handsome_duck: thx handsome_duck: urs too B.O.Y.D: o(≧▽≦)o Thank you!

Louie quickly pondered before adding:

handsome_duck: hey handsome_duck: do u want 2 hang out again next week? handsome_duck: i wanna make it up to u handsome_duck: yk.. for being rude to u n stuff.. B.O.Y.D: w(°ｏ°)w B.O.Y.D: (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ I'd love to, Louie! (*´▽`*) handsome_duck: cool handsome_duck: how do u feel abt watching a movie? B.O.Y.D: Fine by me! (＠＾◡＾) What movie are we going to watch? handsome_duck: idk yet handsome_duck: i'll figure it out handsome_duck: and i'll msg u l8r B.O.Y.D: Okay. ( ´ ω ` )

—————

A few days later, Louie put on his best-looking green hoodie (they're all identical) and went to the manor's entrance hall to meet Boyd… but not before getting pulled back by Huey.

"Here, I made you a list of all the possible activities you two could do together!" He said, handing Louie a list that looked like it contained over 200+ items.

"...Thanks." Louie put the paper in his pocket without thinking too much about it.

"You got this!" Huey said supportingly, patting his brother's shoulder. Even Dewey and Webby seemingly popped out of nowhere to give him a thumbs up and words of encouragement.

...Why were his siblings acting strangely around him? Well, whatever. Louie just rolled his eyes and walked away.

Right before he left the room, Webby exclaimed: "GOOD LUCK ON YOUR DATE!!! " And his two brothers burst out into giggles.

Louie mustered all of the willpower he had to not look back and simply continued on walking, trying to ignore the heat now going up through his face.

At the entrance hall, Boyd was already waiting for him, sitting on a couch while looking around, seemingly captivated by everything he could see. As soon as he noticed Louie had entered the room, the boy jumped out of the couch and waved with a bright smile.

"Hello again Louie! How are you?" Boyd moved closer to the duck. "Hey. I'm doing fine… and I'm assuming you're doing good as well?" Louie gave the robot a good look-over.

"Yep! But…" Boyd moved even closer to him, reaching out his hand to touch the other's forehead. "Are you sure you're fine? You seem a little red, and my heat sensors are detecting slightly unusual levels of heat coming from you."

Louie quickly stepped away from Boyd's hand and insisted: "I'm fine, seriously." "Hm… if you say so."

Louie brushed it off with a wave of his hand. "Nevermind that, are you ready to go?" "Yeah! Let's go!" Boyd nodded.

They started walking side by side, away from the mansion. Louie couldn't help but notice that Boyd's walking rhythm matched his perfectly. Did he do it on purpose?

"What movie did you choose for us to watch, Louie?" Boyd hopped around cheerfully. "You'll see." Louie smiled at him.

Over the past week, Louie had been occasionally exchanging messages with Boyd and he had found out much about the robot's day-to-day life. He learned about how much he loves his father and creator, Dr. Gearloose, as well as his other parents and caretakers, the Drakes. He heard about Doofus' many struggles since he lost half of his inheritance to Boyd, as well as Boyd's incessant efforts to comfort him. Doofus would make the utmost effort to push him away most of the time, but recently he's been letting himself show more of his vulnerable side around his family, much to Boyd's delight.

In return, Louie would tell Boyd about all the exciting adventures he and his family went off to (many of which Huey had already shared before), as well as his brother's embarrassing secrets.

They had even FaceTime'd once. Louie found out that it was surprisingly easy to make Boyd laugh. In response to every single one of Louie's jokes, the robot would put his hands over his face and giggle happily.

Louie thought it was adorable, though he would rather die than admit that out loud.

That's why today Louie had picked a movie he thought Boyd would like, instead of one he would enjoy. The movie was a dramatic coming-of-age story that questioned things such as humanity, love and the meaning of life. He even managed to get front-row seats for both of them.

They bought a big bowl of popcorn to share with one another (Louie also sneaked in candy bars and two cans of Pep for them), took their seats and waited for the movie to begin.

Louie picked this movie already knowing he wouldn't like it, so it wasn't like he was disappointed or anything, but still, it was extremely boring. He usually preferred comedy films with smart plots and snarky writing. This melodrama stuff… just wasn't his cup of tea.

Looking forward to distracting himself from the movie, Louie moved his attention over to Boyd. Thankfully, he seemed to be enjoying the film much more than himself.

Boyd could be seen constantly jumping up from his seat, gasping at every revelation, be it big or small, laughing and sometimes even crying along to the movie's plot. He always with his eyes wide open and completely glued to the movie screen, only stopping occasionally to throw some popcorn in his mouth. He became so entranced by the movie that, at first, he didn't even notice Louie staring directly at him… until he decided to look over to the side.

For how long had Louie been staring at Boyd now? 15 minutes? 30 minutes? a whole hour maybe? He didn't know, but he still flushed furiously once he noticed Boyd looking back at him.

"Umm… I didn't know you... uh... I didn't know you had a crying function." Louie coughed awkwardly.

Boyd blinked, and then chuckled softly. At this point, Louie felt so flustered now that he pulled up his hoodie in an attempt to hide his face.

"Dad only added this function recently, actually." "Ahh… is that so?" "It is!" Boyd smiled sweetly at him before quickly turning his attention back to the movie while bouncing his legs back and forth.

...Why did Louie suddenly feel like there was a knot in his stomach?

—————

Once the movie was over, Boyd dragged Louie out of the movie theater by holding on to his sleeves.

"Oh my gosh, that was so good! So many parts had me at the edge of my seat, and the ending was so heartwarming." Boyd sighed happily while hopping around. "How did you like the movie, Louie?" "It was good." He lied without a single ounce of shame. "Hehe." Boyd giggled. "I'm glad you thought so too."

Before either of them realized it, Boyd's hand slid off Louie's sleeve to grab the duck's hand instead.

For Boyd, this wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Not only had he held Louie's hands before, he also held other people's hands all the time. He held Dr. Gearloose's hands, he held hands with Dr. Crackshell-Cabrera, with Ms. and Mr. Drake, with his brothers Doofus and Lil' Bulb, and even with Huey sometimes.

Boyd holding hands with Louie simply meant that he considered their relationship to already be close enough for him to do so.

For Louie, however, it was a different story. Just because he was okay with holding hands privately during his rare displays of vulnerability, that didn't necessarily mean that he was okay with doing it in public. He remembered holding hands publicly with his Uncle Donald very often growing up, but less so nowadays. He was fine with holding hands with his siblings sometimes as well, but they would always do so privately.

So when Louie suddenly felt Boyd's hand reach for his, he stopped dead in his tracks, unsure of how to react.

Boyd was quick to notice Louie's unrest and he immediately retracted his hand.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I should have asked first." Boyd bit down on his beak anxiously. "I'll just..." He swiftly tried to move his hand away, but found that he couldn't. He looked down to see Louie silently tugging on his wrist.

For a while, neither of them said anything. Boyd was waiting for Louie to speak, and Louie, for the first time in forever, was at a loss for words.

What was he feeling right now? What did those warm, bubbling sensations in his chest mean?

He didn't know.

He had no experience with such things.

He tried to think about it rationally.

Did holding hands with Boyd feel bad? No, not really…

Did holding hands with Boyd feel good?

…

He didn't know.

He really didn't know, but…

Subconsciously, he squeezed Boyd's wrist slightly, which didn't go unnoticed by the android.

Very quietly, as if he were forcing the words out, he whispered: "It's okay."

Boyd's face visibly brightened as he inched back closer to his friend. "Really?" He asked with a spirited look.

Louie gave a weak nod and that was more than enough confirmation for Boyd, who went back to being all smiles. He intertwined his hand with Louie's, who squeezed Boyd's hand in response.

Strangely, Boyd felt happier than he usually felt when he held hands with other people. He didn't quite get it, but it was fine by him as long as he could keep holding Louie's hand like this.

As for Louie… he decided that he was okay with it, under only one condition: "Please keep this a secret from my family." He mumbled. "No problem Lou!" Boyd gave him a thumbs up. Louie spared him a glance at the mention of the nickname, but didn't say anything.

He actually felt quite comfortable like this.

Boyd walked Louie home.

By the time the two of them reached the outside of the mansion, the sky was already starting to turn dark. It seemed like Louie had lost track of time while hanging out with Boyd.

"Louie." Boyd called his name shyly. "Hm?" Louie looked over from his phone to look at the robot by his side.

Boyd walked up to his front before saying: "Thank you for hanging out with me today. I always have fun spending time with you."

Before Louie could respond with "Yeah, sure, no problem.", he was astonished.

Boyd pulled him in for a tight hug.

However, after only a second, Boyd had already moved away.

"Bye now!" And, just like that, without giving Louie the time to process anything, the android flew away.

"...What in the world just happened?" he murmured to himself.

For the rest of the day, three specific thoughts plagued his mind: 1. He had forgotten Boyd could fly. 2. The robot's body was much warmer than he expected when snuggled up against his own. 3. Before Boyd flew away, he could have sworn that he saw Boyd's face turn red.

—————

A few days later, very early in the morning, Louie felt someone gently shake him awake. "Psst, Louie." The duck rolled around in his bed. "Louie, wake up you sleepy head." Boyd gently whispered to him. "Unhgnh… only five more minutes please…" Boyd chuckled softly. "We don't have five more minutes, silly. Wake up!"

Slowly, Louie eventually opened his eyes. "Boyd...? How did you…?" Boyd put one hand over Louie's bill while he used his free hand to point at Huey and Dewey who were still asleep in their own beds.

Gently, Boyd turned Louie's head to face directly at the room's window, which was currently opened.

Louie did not feel very safe knowing that his room had apparently no extra magical security against break-ins, but this wasn't the time to think about that.

Tugging Louie along, Boyd held Louie close to him with one of his arms while he took flight.

The android was obviously much stronger than he looked, for he could take care of stabilizing himself mid-air even with Louie's weight easily.

The two of them did not share many words between them. Louie because he was still sleepy and honestly a little afraid of heights, and Boyd because he thought the view he was about to show him would speak for itself.

Soon enough, they reached a tall, grassy place with a perfect view of the city below and the sea to another side.

The calm ocean waves licked the sand beach, glimmering in shades of pink and yellow as the sun peeked from over the corner. Duckburg looked grand and imposing, with individual colored lights shining brightly all the way across the city.

"Oh, wow." Louie mumbled. Boyd seemed happy to hear that. "I discovered this place recently while trying out these new silent rockets my dad installed for me." He explained. "You're the first person with whom I'm sharing this."

Louie stared at him in disbelief. "Why me? Why not Huey?"

Boyd pondered for a moment before shrugging. "I don't know. Why Huey? Why not you? There's nothing wrong with you. I like you."

Louie knew that Boyd probably didn't mean anything special with that statement, but it still made him feel full of butterflies.

"Thanks." He wanted to say more, but he didn't know what else to say.

Boyd did not seem to mind it, however, as he simply smiled, sat down with Louie by his side and intertwined their hands together, bouncing his legs around.

Out of sleepiness, Louie allowed himself to rest his head against Boyd's shoulder. Boyd only looked at him without saying anything.

At that moment, Louie suddenly realized that, at some point, he had started to trust Boyd.

He gave it some thought, before quickly deciding that it wasn't a bad thing.

So he let himself stay in that comfortable position for a little while longer.

Before the sun finished rising, Boyd brought Louie back over to his room. Huey seemed to have already woken up, but hopefully, he would think Louie had just gotten up for a short bathroom break.

Boyd gave his friend a quick hug before flying off again.

—————

...Things were quickly starting to get out of hand.

Every time Boyd would come over, send him a message or call him, Louie would feel a knot swell up in his stomach.

He started daydreaming much more often and he caught himself thinking about Boyd countless times.

Louie already wasn't a very productive person to begin with, but now he was having trouble focusing on other things and he had no idea why this was happening to him.

"...And that's why I called you over today." Louie finished explaining with a serious expression. Currently, he found himself in his room sitting in a circle along with Huey, Dewey and Webby. "I fear that I might have been put into a mind-controlling spell of some sort."

His siblings all stared at him before bursting into laughter among themselves, with the only exception being Dewey.

"What are you guys laughing about? What's so funny?! This is no laughing matter!" A warm blush started to spread across Louie's face. "I don't get it either." Dewey scratched his head.

"Are you kidding? Louie, you're in love!" Webby exclaimed. "Oh... Ohhhh… Well, I'm outta here then. Good luck with that." Dewey got up and left.

Louie's face was now burning with a strong tint of red. If he were to be completely honest, he would admit that he had already considered the possibility of him being in love with Boyd.

Alas, Louie Duck had no experience with being completely honest.

"Don't be ridiculous, what makes you think that?" "Um, like literally everything you just told us?" Huey giggled in amusement. "Though if I'm being honest here, I don't think either me or Webby would be of very good help to you in this case."

Webby suddenly became offended. "Wait, why not?! I know all about love! I can give Louie all the love advice he needs!" She flared up.

Huey rolled his eyes. "Yeah right. Speaking of which, how's your relationship with Lena coming around?"

Now it was Webby's turn to blush profusely. "Okay, maybe I'm not the best person to talk about this" She agreed. "But who else is Louie supposed to reach out to then if not for us?"

"I dunno." Huey shrugged. "Maybe uncle Donald? He's dating uncle Panchito, José AND aunt Daisy, right?" "You want me to ask Uncle Donald? No way. He's totally clueless." Louie cut in.

After giving it some thought, Huey agreed with him. "Uncle Scrooge maybe? I'm not really the best person to give you love advice either." Huey shook his head. "Now, if you need any help with your math homework, however…"

"Thanks but no thanks." Louie blew some hair strands away from his face. "I guess I'm gonna have to figure this out on my own."

—————

Boyd bounced his legs back and forth while sitting on the couch right next to Louie.

With the help of his siblings behind the scenes, he managed to get some time alone with Boyd at the manor.

"Thank you for inviting me over Louie! This 'Ottoman Empire' show is very interesting." Boyd beamed at him. Their hands were slightly touching on the couch.

In response, Louie just mumbled something incomprehensibly while pulling his hoodie over his head so Boyd couldn't see how flustered he was.

Just a few weeks ago he was completely fine with touching hands with Boyd, but now? He couldn't even think straight because of it, he was overly aware of the android sitting right beside him and the little bodily contact they were sharing.

Boyd picked up on Louie's unrest. He looked straight at him with a worried expression and asked: "Are you okay, Lou? You seem… upset."

Louie tensed up. He didn't want Boyd to be worried. He wanted to keep things the way they were right now. But… he also wanted to say something. He wanted to tell Boyd about his feelings. He wanted to be honest, to open up to him.

He knew that Boyd would probably support him no matter what, but he still feared confessing for some reason.

He felt like he wasn't good enough for him.

Louie bit down on his beak as he struggled to speak. "Hey… Boyd?" He paused, looking straight at him. "I can talk to you about anything, right..? Like… it's okay for me to do that? And... talk about stuff…" Louie's voice trailed off as he looked downwards.

"Of course you can. I'll always be here to listen to you. You can trust me." Boyd held Louie's hand gently.

Louie retracted his hand shyly before speaking up. "Uh… okay, so, you see, the thing is… I think... I think I like you? Like, like like you? Like… love… you?" Louie pulled his hoodie way over his head, avoiding any and all chance of eye contact with Boyd.

Meanwhile, Boyd had turned awfully quiet. Louie had no idea what kind of face the boy was making, but with each silent passing second, he became more and more sure that it must be a scornful one.

There was no way such a bright, lovely boy would ever like someone like him.

Louie started to hug himself tightly. He wasn't good enough for Boyd, he was inadequate for him, he wasn't a good person, he didn't deserve to be loved, he—

Slowly but surely, Boyd lift up Louie's hoodie away from his face.

What Louie saw was an incredulous-looking Boyd, with his face bright red and his eyes sparkling like he was about to cry.

"Really?" Boyd's voice sounded desperate but gentle, tingling pleasantly in his ears. "You mean it?"

Louie nodded.

Quietly, Boyd began to sob.

And then he laughed.

He put his hands to his face with a dumb-looking smile.

"Sorry, I'm probably not making a lot of sense right now. I like you too, Louie. I love you."

Louie's brain started melting at the mention of those words. After a while, he managed to squeeze the words out: "So… does that mean we're dating now?"

Boyd giggled happily and Louie thought that his heart might stop. "I think that's what this means, yes."

"Okay. Cool."

Louie was completely devoid of things to say, but Boyd didn't mind it. Carefully, he snuggled up to Louie and held him close.

"I like you, Louie. I like you. You're the person that I like. I like you." Boyd kept repeating. Not because he was broken, but because he knew that Louie would appreciate it.

Louie reciprocated the hug. "I like you too."

They spent the rest of their day sitting close together while watching the rest of Ottoman Empire… until Louie's family suddenly walked in on the scene and proceeded to tease him endlessly.

Boyd laughed along with them.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" Louie whined. "I'm sorry Lou, I just… really like it when your face gets all flushed like that." Boyd smiled gently at him. "It's pretty."

Louie hid himself even further inside his hoodie upon hearing that.

He would rather die than admit this to anybody, but he was actually very happy at that moment.

#louyd #louie duck #boyd gearloose #ducktales fanfic #ducktales #ducktales fanfiction #ducktales 2017 #boyd drake #boyd #ducktales17 #dt 17 #boyd beaks #ccs #my writing #ducktales boyd #ducktales louie #hospital #minor injury

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tomurasprincess · 4 years

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Web of Lies (Yandere Shindou Yo x Reader)

Pairing: Shindou Yo x Reader Warnings: noncon, drugging, manipulation, forced orgasms, overstimulation, yandere, brief mention of past cheating (not by Shindou) Word Count: 3.5k words Note: Birthday gift for @lady-bakuhoe. Since joining the Discord, Jo has been a super supportive, encouraging, and amazing person. So I wanted to do a little something for her. Happy birthday, Jo! Additional Note: Thank you so much @animewh0re, for helping me with both the ending and the title. You were super helpful! ~~~~

You sit at the bar, throwing back your third shot of the evening. The bar is not the most reputable place, but it’s not the worst either. And even better, the alcohol was cheap.

You found out earlier in the day that your jackass ex-boyfriend had cheated on you, and you had decided to drink away the pain. You had been together for two years, and it all ended in the blink of an eye when you found him in bed with your friend.

Well fuck him, you thought as you threw back another shot, I can do so much better. Can do better than that shitty friend of mine, too.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the feeling of someone watching you. You turn around and see an absolutely gorgeous man in the corner, staring right at you. He’s wearing casual clothes, just jeans and a t-shirt, but the t-shirt is tight fitting to show off his defined muscles.

His lips curve up into a cocky smile when he sees you looking back at him, getting up from his chair to walk over to the bar. As he gets closer, you realize he looks a bit familiar but you can’t quite place him.

He motions at the seat beside you. “Mind if I sit down?”

You shake your head. “Go right ahead.”

He gives you a genuine smile as he sits down. “Thanks. I wanted to make sure you weren’t waiting for someone.”

You grimace. “No, not waiting for anyone.”

He looks surprised. “Really? Beautiful women like yourself shouldn’t be drinking alone.”

You flush a bit at the compliment. “My asshole of an ex cheated on me.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “He’s an idiot then.” He smiles and reaches over to touch your arm. “Obviously didn’t know what he had.”

You can feel your face going even redder, and you sputter out a “thank you.”

“You are so cute when you’re flustered,” he chuckles. “Why don’t you do me the honor of letting me buy you a drink?”

“Well,” you pause for a second, “I still have to get home.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m a pro hero.” He grins and leans in a bit closer to you.

You think about it for a second. But only a second. “Well, I guess one more wouldn’t hurt.” You’re already glad you agreed when you see his smile get even bigger. You jokingly point at him, “but not any after that.”

His smile grows into a cocky smirk. “I'll make sure nothing happens to you.” He signals the bartender over. “The lady here needs a drink.”

“Wait, you said you’re a pro hero,” your eyes widening. Recognition finally hits you as you realize this is Shindou Yo, an up and coming pro hero. “You’re Grand, right?”

Shindou Yo is well thought of as a nice, charming guy, and is extremely popular with women. And you’re flattered at the fact that he’s talking to you, of all people. “I knew you looked familiar! I saw you on the news recently.”

“I’m flattered you recognize me, sweetheart.” His hand runs up your arm. “But you can just call me Yo.”

You flush a bit at the pet name, and the contact. “Okay, Yo,” you say hesitantly. The bartender finally arrives with the drink, setting it down in front of you.

You glance at Shindou. “Are you not going to drink?”

He shakes his head. “Nah, I have to stay clear headed, be alert in case something happens.”

That makes sense, you think, and you give him a nod before taking the shot in front of you and drinking it.

You notice Shindou beginning to wave down the bartender again, “Oh no, that was my last one,” you shake your head. “I don’t want to get too drunk.” You know you’re reaching your limit and don’t want to be sick tomorrow morning.

Shindou simply smiles at you and continues waving the bartender down. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I told you I won’t let anything happen to you.”

The shot gets placed in front of you, and you hesitate. He notices and looks a bit dejected, his next words coming out sounding hurt. “You don’t trust me,” he sighs. “I promise I’ll get you home safe.”

You rush to say something to make him feel better. “No, of course I trust you.” He perks up a bit, eyes lighting up “You just looked so sad when I saw you earlier, and you deserve to have some fun.”

You feel a sense of guilt at doubting the man just trying to cheer you up. It will be fine, you reason with yourself. You have one of the nicest pro heroes in Japan with you, and you’re sure he wouldn’t let anybody take advantage of you.

You smile at him as you throw back that shot too, before you realize how much you need to go to the bathroom. “Would you mind watching my purse,'' you glance at Shindou, “I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Of course, no problem” he grins, and you miss how his eyes go predatory for a single moment. “’And then I’ll make sure to get you home.”

“Thank you, you’re so sweet.” You’re not feeling the additional shots you took yet, but you'd like to get home, drink some water, and lay down before it happens. You hurry to the bathroom and back before meeting back up with Shindou at the bar.

There’s another drink waiting for you when you get back. “I really can’t, Yo,” you shake your head firmly. “I don’t want to be sick in the morning.”

“Oh come on, it’s just one more shot,” he frowns. “I went ahead and paid the bar tab, and it would be a shame to waste it.”

You wince at the fact that he paid, since you had been drinking all night and probably racked up quite the bill despite the cheap alcohol.

“It would make me happy if you drank it,” he says, as he tucks a strand of hair out of your face and behind your ear. “I told you, I just want you to have a bit of fun and forget all about that ex of yours.”

You are still reluctant, but you yet again remind yourself that he’s going to help you home and everything will be fine. You grab the shot and drink it in one big gulp.

He gives you a smirk, and you wonder why he looks so smug before ultimately dismissing it. He puts an arm around your waist and pulls you closer. “Come on, sweetheart,” he whispers in your ear, “let’s get you home.”

You head out of the bar together, and start walking to the main thoroughfare in the area. It occurs to you that he hasn’t asked you directions to your house yet, and you’re about to bring that up when you’re suddenly struck with a wave of dizziness.

You stumble a bit and Shindou’s grip tightens around your waist, the only thing that keeps you standing. “Hey sweetheart, not feeling too good, are you,” he chuckles. Your head feels fuzzy all of a sudden, and you can’t figure out why that came across as a statement instead of a question.

“I...I think I just want to get home,” your words coming out a bit slurred. The fog in your brain lifts just enough to realize you’re going in the wrong direction to your house. “Wait, Yo. This isn’t the way to my house.”

“I live close by, and you don’t feel well.” Shindou’s hand on your waist drifts lower, squeezing your ass and causing you to let out a whimper. “It makes more sense to walk to my place, let you sleep it off and take you home tomorrow.”

It sounds reasonable enough, although you can’t quite put your finger on the sneaking suspicion that something isn’t right.

You take one more step before your legs give out, the world spinning wildly and making you feel dizzy.

Shindou catches you quickly, lifting you up in his arms in a princess carry. “God sweetheart, I am going to take such good care of you,” he growls into your ear. You barely have time to feel alarm before you pass out.

You awake slowly, your head throbbing with pain and feeling like it’s full of cotton. Shit, you think, I really went overboard at the bar.

You pause for a second. You don’t remember getting home from the bar at all. You try to concentrate, remember what happened through the haze of your brain.

And then it hits you like a bolt of lightning. Shindou Yo. You were at the bar and met him. He bought you drinks, said he’d take you home. You started to feel bad, and then...nothing.

You mentally curse as you realize he must have drugged you. You open your eyes slowly as you take a look at your surroundings.. You’re laying on a bed in an unfamiliar room. Right beside the bed sits a chair with the man himself in it, his legs propped up with a phone in his hand. He looks relaxed, with only the pair of pants that he was wearing in the bar, and no shirt. His bare chest is toned and muscular, and in any other circumstance you would be drooling over him.

You must make some sort of noise, because he glances up from his phone and a truly devious smirk comes across his face. “Finally awake, I see.” He puts his phone down and leans in towards you. “Took you long enough.”

You try to lift your arms, to move away from him, but you’re unable to. As you hear the clanking of metal, you realize with horror that you’re chained to the bed.

“Where am I?” Your voice comes out raspy, as if it’s been unused for days.

He chuckles as he moves closer to the bed, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him. “You’re at my apartment, of course.”

You try to pull your face out of his grasp, but his grip only tightens. “You were supposed to take me home!”

“I did,” he chuckles, “I just didn’t tell you what home.” The hand grabbing your chin starts to trail down your neck, past your shoulders, all the way down to the sheet covering you. He grabs the sheet and rips it off your body.

A rush of cold air hits you, and your eyes widen in fear as you realize you’re naked. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

“Aww,” he coos at you, “did you just notice?” His eyes hungrily trail down your exposed body. “What do you think I’m doing?”

Shindou stands up from the chair, putting his knee on the side of the bed before climbing over your body to straddle you. You try to bring a leg up to kick him, to stop him from settling his body in between your legs. But you hear more chains rattling and realize that your legs are chained too. Even worse, you can’t seem to close them at all. You glance down and see your legs are spread wide open, a spreader bar secured between your ankles to prevent you from covering yourself.

You let out a whimper of fear, a tear rolling down your eyes. You hear an amused laugh as he brings himself down on top of you.

You pull hard against the chains, trying to loosen them and get away from him, but all you manage to do is hurt your wrists.

“You’re not escaping from those chains, so you might as well stop resisting.” He grabs your neck and pulls you to him, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss. You refuse to open your mouth, leading him to bite down hard on your lip. You let out a small gasp of pain, and he uses the opportunity to shove his tongue inside your mouth. He kisses you roughly, just as much teeth as tongue, before pulling back to look at your expression.

His gaze turns calculating. “How about we make a bit of an agreement?”

Hope surges up in you. “What kind of agreement?”

“You let me have my fun, and I’ll release you.”

You feel disappointment course through you at the fact that you won’t be getting away without going through what he intends for you. But you’re still relieved that he intends to let you go, and you nod your head in agreement.

His smile turns predatory. “That’s a good girl.”

His hand begins to trail down your body to your chest, before making it to your breasts. He cups one in his hand, before sliding down your body to take the nipple into his mouth. He sucks and gently kneads it with his tongue until it’s hard, while his other hand tweaks the other nipple between his fingers.

You feel a sudden vibration on your nipple, hear a buzzing sound, and you jump a bit. You glance down at Shindou’s face to see him smirking at your surprise. You curse loudly in your head, dread forming in the pit of your stomach as you suddenly remember exactly what his quirk does.

“Relax, sweetheart,” his tone coming across as mocking. His fingers trailed lower, running down your stomach, past your pelvis, before stopping. “I told you I’m going to take care of you.”

He situtates himself completely in between your legs, glancing down to look at your pussy. You whine in sheer embarrassment as you try to close your legs, remembering the spreader bar keeping you from doing so as you hear the clank of metal. “Don’t be shy, sweetheart, you have such a gorgeous pussy.”

A single finger ran down your folds before lifting it up for you to see. “And look at this, you’re already so wet and I’ve barely touched you.” You glance at his finger to see that he’s right, his finger covered in your slick. You feel your face flush with embarrassment at being turned on by this.

His finger moves back down to dip beneath your folds, gathering your wetness and using it to rub your clit. You let out a small gasp before you can stop yourself, trying to move away, but he grips your hip with his other hand and holds you in place.

He activates his quirk against your clit, and you can’t stop your moan from rising. He uses your juices to rub harder, the vibrations increasing and causing you to throw your head back at the intense feeling. “Please stop,” you plead, already feeling the build up of your orgasm.

Instead of listening, he simply grins and increases his quirk even more. The pressure keeps building and building, about to snap, when you feel a vibrating finger enter your wet pussy. That tips you over the edge, and your orgasm hits you full force, causing you to clench down hard on his finger. You lay there panting for a second, humiliated that this bastard has made you cum against your will.

“And there’s one.” The vibration starts again as he adds another finger inside of you. You let out a whimper at the feeling, still feeling sensitive from your previous orgasm. He uses his thumb to press down on your clit in circles before fully activating his quirk, fingers beginning to slam into your still twitching pussy.

You let out a broken moan and try to squirm away, but you’re bound helplessly and Shindou is so much bigger and stronger than you. You feel a second orgasm building up quickly as he curls his fingers up against that spongy spot inside of you. Once he finds it, he doesn’t stray from ramming his fingers into that same spot, over and over.

The vibration feels like it’s spreading all the way through your lower half, and you can no longer even attempt to hide your moans. You throw your head back as you tremble, the pressure getting more and more intense. “Feels weird,” you whine at him, and he lets out a chuckle.

“Shh, just let go sweetheart.” He leans in to take your clit into his mouth and works the swollen bead with his tongue, causing you to let out a squeal as the tension finally breaks. Clear liquid squirts and gushes out of you, drenching Shindou’s face as he continues to finger fuck you through it. He keeps going long after you stop gushing, leaving you a twitching gasping mess.

“God, I love seeing that gorgeous cunt of yours squirt all over me,” he sits up a bit as he removes his pants. He’s wearing no underwear underneath, and his cock is already rock hard. He is much thicker than you are used to, with the vein running down his length twitching and a bead of precum already leaking out of the tip.

He pumps his cock several times in his fist before moving it down to your soaking pussy, rubbing the length of it up and down your folds and lubricating his cock. He spreads you open before starting to slide into you. You squirm at his girth stretching your pussy out, but he simply grabs your hips and pushes them down into the bed.

“Oh fuck sweetheart, you are so damned tight,” he manages to hiss the words out. He leans down to place open mouth kisses along your neck before sucking bruises into your skin, biting down hard. You feel the blood running down your neck before he gently licks the mark to soothe the pain. “I have been waiting so long to have you,” he groans out.

Your eyes widen at the implication, but before you can truly think about it, he starts to move inside of you. He sets a fast pace, your dripping pussy making it easy and the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin filling the room.

His hand moves between where your bodies are joined to rub your clit in between his fingers as his quirk fires up again, harder than ever. At the same time, the cock inside you starts vibrating and you let out a wail. You can’t stop yourself from grinding down against him as you try to meet his frantic thrusts.

The feeling of his cock pulsing against your g spot is too much, and you scream from the overstimulation as you clamp down around him and reach your release. He lets out a grunt at the feeling of you tightening around him again, his hips stuttering a bit, and you realize he’s getting close too. The tremors running through your body intensify as he lifts your hips up a bit to change his angle.

“Not inside,” you plead. He simply smirks as his thrusts speed up, hips slapping against yours. You whine at the new angle, feeling that intense pressure build up inside you as he continues to thrust into that spot deep inside you, the tremors of his quirk still abusing your throbbing clit.

He finally stills and buries his head into your neck with a loud groan, and you feel warmth spread inside you as thick ropes of cum fill your cunt up. The feeling of him cumming inside you pushes you over the edge one more time, and you reach your last release with a loud squeal as you squirt over his cock.

He collapses against you, both of you panting heavily. You take a moment to come back to yourself, before protesting at his weight on top of you. He laughs as he pushes himself off of you and begins to work on unchaining you. He removes the spreader bar first, pausing to stare at your still dripping cunt before reaching down to shove his cum back into you. You wince at the feeling.

“I really made a mess out of you,” he chuckles.

You avert your eyes and say nothing as he removes the chains from your legs before moving to the head of the bed to unchain those too. He moves over to where his pants lay on the floor, picking them up and putting them on before moving to the door.

“Wait,” you protest loudly.

He turns back around to look at you. His gaze is the most dark and predatory that you have ever seen.

“You said you’d let me go.” Your voice comes out timid, full of fear. The look in his eyes turns dark. “I never said that.”

Panic flows through your body, your limbs turning to ice. “But you said,” your voice trailing off.

“I said I’d release you. I didn’t say I’d let you go from this house.”

Your eyes widen in horror as you think back to what he said, and realize that he’s right.

Tears run down your face as you feel so utterly stupid for believing him.

“Aww, don’t look so shocked. You were the one who fell for that a second time, sweetheart.”

You try to sit up on shaky arms, determined to make a break for the door. But whatever drug he slipped you must still be in your veins, because your legs won’t hold you and you collapse back on the bed.

His smile turns devious as he turns back around, saying one last thing before closing the door and locking it behind him.

“You are mine,” he growls, “and I am not nearly done with you.”

~~~~

Tags: @monst, @hisoknen, @thewheezingwyvern, @lildreamer93, @yaoyorozuwrites, @legend-of-frost

#shindou x reader #shindo x reader #shindou yo x reader #yandere shindou #shindou smut #yandere bnha #yandere shindou yo #yandere shindou x reader #yandere x reader #bnha x reader #bnha smut #mha x reader #mha smut #tw noncon #tw drugging #tw manipulation #happy birthday fic to jo #mari has friends

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