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writingwhimsey · 9 months

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All's Fair In Love & War- Nobunaga Epilogue

Epilogue

It had been some time since the Hono-ji incident. There had been a few territories try to rebel, but Nobunaga quashed those rebellions soundly. Sometimes just himself and his troops, but other times he would bring me along. It truly depended on what the situation needed. We were still waiting for Kennyo or the Uesugi-Takeda Alliance to make a move, but so far everything was quiet once we had stopped those small rebellions.

I had been away from my territory too long and it was time that I returned. Nobunaga true to his word, came with me. Jiro and Sato, accompanied me of course. Hideyoshi, Mitsuhide, and Masamune came with us as well, leaving Mitsunari and Ieyasu to keep watch over Azuchi.

“We’re going to have to figure out exactly how we are going to be splitting our time.” I said to Nobunaga as we rode beside each other.

He grinned at me. “Yes, we’ll have to work that out. But for now we’ll just go as we are needed.”

I couldn’t help the happy smile that came to my face. We truly were a couple, figuring out how things were going to work. Though it was a little more complicated than a simple your place or mine situation, given that we were both daimyo…but thankfully we had supportive vassals who could look after things in our stead while one of us was staying in the other’s territory.

“The bigger issue will come once we’ve accomplished your goal of uniting the country, Lord Nobunaga.” Sato said.

“I think that is more easily solvable.” Nobunaga replied.

I gave him a look. “How so?” I asked.

“I have always planned on building a new castle to rule from anyways. We’ll just have to live there.” He answered, giving me a roguish grin that made my heart pound in my chest.

“You really do want me to rule the world at your side then?” I replied.

Nobunaga reached over, his hand taking mine even as we continued to ride through the plains. He brought my hand to his lips. “I was not just spouting useless words. I do not say things I do not mean.”

I felt my cheeks flushing a bit, though a smile was on my lips. Though I knew Nobunaga meant his words… it was still hard to get used to. Most men that I had met here…they only wanted me to get my power. “I know…just takes some getting used to.”

“I will find a way to assure you that I mean what I say.” He told me.

“I would have thought them being on separate horses would solve some of their flirting.” Jiro commented.

“It’s truly like the rest of us aren’t even here.” Hideyoshi agreed.

“I think it’s sweet.” Sato said, grinning. “Besides, just look how happy they are.”

“And would either of you ever truly object to anything that makes your lords happy just because it doesn’t seem…appropriate to you two?” Mitsuhide added, his tone teasingly challenging.

After traveling for three days, we finally arrived at my territory. When we arrived to my castle, Kei was greeting us. “Welcome home, my lord.” She said. “And welcome to our guests.” She bowed to each of them in turn.

Other attendants were coming up to lead the others to their guest rooms, while Kei looked at me expectantly. “Is there already work?” I asked. “Jiro and Sato kept me updated on things and we had a system in place…”

“We just have to discuss preparations for the banquet, my lord.” Kei answered.

“A banquet?” Nobunaga asked.

“What are we celebrating? And I am more than happy to cook up the food.” Masamune said, grinning.

I wracked my brain for what the banquet could be for. “What are…”

“Did you really lose track of the date, my lord?” Jiro asked me.

I looked at him and then I let out a groan. “Dammit…”

“What is it?” Nobunaga asked.

“Nothing important and I still don’t understand why all of you insist on this stupid tradition…” I answered and then looked at my vassals and my aid.

“It’s her birthday.” Sato said, grinning.

“Your birthday?” Nobunaga asked. “That seems a perfect cause for celebration.”

“Well, it’s not really my birthday…or at least not the day I was born.” I said. “It’s the day I was officially adopted into the Yamada clan.”

“Still, it’s a day worth celebrating.” Nobunaga replied, his arm coming around my waist.

“You know your mother and father always loved celebrating it.” Jiro pointed out.

“Yeah and I loved it then too.” I replied. “But now…”

“We have also gotten word that some of the guests have already started to arrive.” Kei said. “Some are requesting an early audience with you as soon as possible, my lord.”

“Dammit.” I groaned, knowing exactly what it meant.

“You know it’s not that big of a deal.” Jiro said.

“It’s exhausting.” I replied.

“It’s only customary to receive tributes as a lord on your birthday.” Hideyoshi pointed out.

I sighed. “Alright, Kei let’s go.” I said. I gave Nobunaga a quick kiss. “I’ll see you later.”

Nobunaga watched Ava walk off with her aid. He wondered exactly what she found so exhausting about receiving tributes for her birthday…or adoption day in this case. Most of the others had already gone off, but Sato was still in the hall with him.

“You wanna know about it?” Sato asked, grinning.

Nobunaga looked at her. “You know why she dreads this?”

Sato nodded. “Follow me, my lord.” She said, gesturing for Nobunaga to follow her to a storage room deep within the castle. She slid open the door. “Here are all of the tributes she has received over the years.”

Nobunaga walked into the room and looked around. He took all of the gifts, noticing various trinkets and items…some clothes. He noticed a theme amongst all of these gifts. “They all have family crests on them…and none of them are the Yamada crest.” He noted.

“All of those tributes came from various men, second sons typically or the occasional warlord who wants to expand his own forces.” Sato explained. “Each gift has come with a marriage proposal.”

“I see.” Nobunaga replied. “So, these guests that are arriving, they are all men who will be bringing such gifts and marriage proposals?”

Sato nodded. “Yes, and that is exactly why Lord Ava finds it exhausting.”

A plan began to form in Nobunaga’s mind. “Sato, would you be able to show me to one of your most skilled tailors?”

Sato smiled. “Of course, my lord.”

A few days later…

It was finally the day of my “birthday” banquet. I had been dealing with a handful of visitors a day, bringing me gifts and their stupid proposals. The only thing that made it all bearable was getting to spend my nights with Nobunaga. After the hard days, spending time in his warm embrace was truly peaceful and relaxing.

I dressed for the banquet, putting on my finest robes and Sato helping me to style my hair and put on a bit of makeup. “You know, I hope once all of the guests see Nobunaga sitting beside me, they’ll back off.” I said.

“I am sure.” Sato replied. “If they’re smart they’ll be intimidated by Lord Nobunaga. Even though they really should be just as intimidated by you.”

“I am probably less patient with them and would be more likely to run them through.” I replied.

Once we had finished getting ready, we were heading to the banquet hall. Everyone was gathered there… though the seat that was beside mine, reserved for Nobunaga was curiously empty. As I walked past Hideyoshi I looked at him. He looked a bit guilty of something, but nodded.

“Lord Nobunaga said he would be running just a bit late.” He whispered to me. “But he swore he would be here.”

I nodded but frowned despite myself. I was really hoping that he would be here already. I composed myself and made my way over to my seat. I looked around the room, noticing all of my guests…thankful that at least Iksu wasn’t here.

“Thank you all for coming to celebrate my birthday.” I announced. “Now please enjoy the food and drink.”

The banquet began and soon, the guests started to get up to come before me and present their gifts. A string of men with gifts containing their family crests and offering marriage proposals. Lord Isamu, one of the few landed lords, was bowing before me and presenting his gift. It was a pretty kimono that was in the colors of his clan and had his family crest on the back.

“Lord Ava, please accept my gift and consider my humble gift and consider joining your forces and clan with mine, as my wife.”

I fought off a sigh. “I appreciate the gift, but I must decline your proposal.” I replied.

“I beg of you to reconsider, Lord Ava. I believe we would be a good match and I could help you…” Isamu began, before being interrupted by the doors at the back of the room sliding open and Nobunaga striding in. He wore his confident smirk and carried a parcel in his hands.

“Step aside.” Nobunaga said to Isamu.

Isamu’s eyes widened. “L-lord Nobunaga…?”

“Good you know who I am.” Nobunaga replied. “Now step aside.”

Isamu nodded, bowed and then quickly moved out of the way.

Nobunaga smiled at me as he came to kneel down directly in front of me, which surprised me and honestly flustered me a bit. “Ava, please accept my gift.” He said, placing the parcel he held in my hands.

I untied the twine and then pulled the lid off the box. I had to fight the gasp that threatened to escape at what I saw. Slowly, I lifted a beautiful haori from the package. It was white and pink and lined with black… but what stood out more was the crest on the back. One half of the crest was the Oda crest and the other half was the Yamada crest. They were of equal size and quality. It looked beautiful and what it all meant.

“Ava.” Nobunaga said my name so tenderly, causing me to look up at him. Then in a louder clearer voice, he spoke. “I will never ask you to be anyone other than who you are. You are a fiery, confident, and capable woman and warrior, and wise leader of your clan and your people. I will never ask you to be less than that. I want you at my side just as you are. I want you as my partner and my equal and I will accept nothing less. Rule at my side and continue to be the remarkable woman you are.”

My heart was pounding in my chest and I could feel tears stinging at my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to fling my arms around this man…this truly amazing man who really did mean every word he said. But I knew I couldn’t do that…at least right now. I smiled at him. “I accept your gift, Nobunaga and your offer. I will have no other man at my side but you.”

The other men in the room were all murmuring amongst themselves, but I didn’t care about them. Nobunaga was moving to sit beside me even as they all murmured, his arm coming around my waist. “I am glad you accept.” He said, placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

After the party, Nobunaga and I were in my room. I had put on the haori. “You made quite the show.” I said to him.

“That was part of the point.” Nobunaga replied, his hand coming up to stroke my cheek. “I had to make sure all of those fools know you are too good for them and that there is only one man to stand beside you.”

“What was the other part of the point?” I asked.

Nobunaga’s smile was tender. “To make sure you know that I want you at my side as my equal.” He told me, calling back to our conversation on the way here.

I smiled up at him, leaning into his touch. “I know…I’ve no doubts.”

“Good.” Nobunaga replied, pulling me closer. “I love you, Ava. You are my fireball and I want you by my side always and I will never ask you to change or step back.”

“I love you, Nobunaga.” I replied. “I love you for everything you are and I am happy to spend the rest of my life at your side and with you at mine.”

Our lips were soon meeting in a kiss that quickly became passionate. We sank to the floor together, our hands starting to undo the ties of each other’s clothes. When we broke the kiss, Nobunaga was giving me a devilish grin. “This haori looks wonderful on you. It’s a shame to take it off.”

I grinned at him. “Who says that it has to come off?” I replied. “We could remove everything except the haori.”

Nobunaga grinned. “I think that is a most excellent idea.”

It was moments later, I was down to wearing nothing but the haori Nobunaga had gifted me. His eyes took in my form even as his fingertips reached inside to trace over my bare flesh. We kissed and caressed each other, expressing our love and devotion to each other.

“I love you, Nobunaga.” I gasped out as our bodies slowly melded together, arms wrapping around each other.

“I love you, Ava.” Nobunaga replied, his eyes warm with pleasure, love, and desire.

We spent the night showering each other in love and proving our devotion in the way that words couldn’t. This was real and true love. We were two people who shared so much and loved each other as we were. This was a once in a lifetime love and I knew we would spend the rest of our lives seeing our dreams come true together. It wouldn’t always be easy, but we would have each other and we would be partners in all things.

This love would last a lifetime and more.

Finished...I hope you have all enjoyed this! I do plan to write a sequel to this after I write a few other warlords. I hope you've enjoyed this ride as much as I have and I look forward to writing more of warlord Ava!

#ikesen nobunaga #ikemen sengoku nobunaga #nobunaga oda #ikemen nobunaga #otome nobunaga #cybird nobunaga #ikesen mc #ikesen oc #ikesen au #ikesen #ikemen sengoku #warlord ava #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #ikemen series #fanfic #cybird #otome boys #fanfiction

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lazychildoflife · 10 months

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Regulus and Barty Balcony Scene

I thought of this scene a long time ago and kept working on it when I could in between uni, work, family and friends. I really commend people who do this on the daily because I don't know how they do it. I really hope you enjoy this Bartylus fun. 😉

Shout out to @crimsonlovebartylus for betareading this for me at the last minute.

Regulus was meant to take the mark. It was what was expected from him since Sirius left or even before then. He knew Sirius was going to leave him one day. Ever since he met Potter, Regulus knew Sirius found a new life. One without Regulus in it.

He knew fire wasn't something to mess with no matter how much Regulus loved how it looked. The flickering colours of yellow, orange and red reminded him of his estranged brother. It also gave him control. The control Sirius wouldn't give him. The control their parents wouldn't give him.

Fire; he can control.

"Master Regulus," Kreacher muttered softly over the crackling of the large flames. "We need to go."

Regulus glared at the flickering flames and the black smoke that covered their skies.

"Not before making a stop. I need to pick someone up." Regulus grabbed Kreacher's hand and asked him to apparate them away just as a wizard apparated onto the road, followed by a number of other wizards.

Regulus waved Kreacher away as he headed towards the white balcony and the demented tree that sprung wisteria all around it. Regulus knew his parents wouldn't be home that night. Regulus' own parents were away at Voldemort's meeting whist Barty's was definitely still at the Ministry dinner. Regulus was meant to get the dark mark tomorrow night as a celebration of tonight's attack. However, the only thing they will see is ashes.

Regulus looked for a few small rocks at the base of the tree and hurling them over the balcony, hitting the connected door which was covered in sea green drapes. Barty was adamant in defying his father and decorated him room in everything Slytherin. Green drapes, expensive taste and even Salazar Slytherin's portrait facing the door so it would be the first thing someone would see when they walked into Barty's room.

Regulus smiled as the lights turned on, illuminating in the dark. He felt giddy. As if he had his favourite sweet or food after not eating for a week or a simple sip of water.

Regulus hummed to himself as he stepped closer to the tree, still keeping his eyes on the pearlescent balcony. "'He jests at scars that never felt a wound,'" he exclaimed with a sigh.

Regulus could hear the door open and footsteps, before a brown tuff of hair over the balcony, and sky blue eyes latching onto his. Barty smiled at him and laughed. "'But, soft!'" Regulus shouted, now grinning up at his best friend. "'What light through yonder window breaks?"

Regulus waved at Barty, who waited for Regulus for more. "'It is the east, and Barty is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou his maid art far more fair than he: be not his maid, since he is envious; his vestal livery is but sick and green and none bit fools do wear it; cast it off.'"

Regulus grabbed the tree and tugged on the wisteria before climbing up until the first branch before sitting on it. Barty laughed and leaned on his hand before nudging his head, signalling to Regulus to carry on.

"'It is my man, O, it is my love!'" Regulus exclaimed, shouting the words as Barty send a kiss. "'O, that he knew he were! He speaks yet he says nothing: what of that?'" Regulus cocks his brow at Barty with a giggle escaping him before he could stop himself.

Regulus climbs up a second branch, "'His eyes discourses; I will answer it.'" Regulus copies Barty's lazy stance. "'I am too bold, 'tis not to me he speaks: two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, having some business, do entreat his eyes to twinkle in their spheres till they return. What if his eyes were there, they in his head? The brightness of his cheek would shame those stars, as daylight doth a lamp; his eyes in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright that birds would sing and think it were not not. See, how he leans his cheek upon his hand!'" Barty rolls his eyes and walked over to where the tree is before leaning over, eyes watching Regulus as he loses his mind to a Shakespearean sonnet. "'O, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!'"

"There's another set of cheeks you can touch."

Regulus groans, "say the line, arsehole."

"You call me the most kindest of names, sweetheart."

"Barty," Regulus moaned, resisting the strong urge to stomp his leg on the tree.

Barty chuckled and gasped. "'Ay me!'"

"'He speaks-'"

"-I can't do this-"

"Barty!" Regulus glares at him before clearing his throat and carrying on with the scene as if the boy above him wasn't snorting at Regulus' climbing skills. "'O, speak again, bright angel!'" Regulus shoots another fierce look at Barty as he opens his mouth again. "'For thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head as a winged messenger of heaven unto the white-upturned wondering eyes of mortals that fall back to gaze on him when he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds and sails upon the bosom of the air.'"

Barty glances at his chest before shrugging. "'O Regulus, Regulus! Wherefore art thou Regulus? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Crouch.'"

Regulus cocked his head, "'shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?'"

"'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; thou art thyself, though not a Black. What's Black? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man. O, be some other name. What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; so Regulus would, were he not Regulus call'd, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Regulus, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part of thee take all myself.'"

Regulus grinned up at Barty before climbing up another branch, inching closer and closer to the earth-haired boy. "'I take thee at thy word: call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; henceforth I never will be Regulus.'"

"'What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night so stumblest on my counsel?'"

"'By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: my name, dear Saint, is hateful to myself, because it is an enemy to thee; had i it written, I would tear the word.'"

"You'd kill my enemies for me, oh sweet Regulus?"

"Thats not the line."

"Screw the line," Barty grabbed Regulus' shirt and pulled him closer. "You'd slay my enemies, sweetheart."

"Not while you keep interrupting this."

"I'll be demanding an answer after this." Barty pushed Regulus away gently before placing his hand over his forehead like one of those fainting women in paintings. "'Myears have not yet drunk a hundred words of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound: art thou not Regulus and a Black?'"

"'Neither, fair Saint, if either thee dislike.'" Regulus said, not as the Romeo but as himself. Since the moment he burned Grimmauld Place down he was no longer a Black. Simply Regulus.

"'How comest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?'" Barty sighed staring down the wisteria and the weakened tree. "'The orchard walls are high and hare to climb-'"

"They were not that hard to climb."

"Who's interrupting who now?" Barty said with humorous eyes as Regulus muttered an unapologetic apology. Barty cleared his throat. "'And the place death, considering who thou art. If any of my kinsmen find thee here...'"

"'With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls; for stone limits cannot hold love out and what love can do that dares love attempt. Therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me.'"

"'If they do see thee, they will murder thee.'"

"'Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye than twenty of their swords. Look thou but sweet, and I am proof against their enmity.'"

"'I would not for the world they saw thee here.'"

"'I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight and but thou love me, let them find me here. My life were better ended by their hate, than death prorogued, wanting of thy love.'"

Barty furrowed his brows as if he had just realised who he was talking to. "'By whose direction found'st thou out this place?'"

"'By love, who first did prompt me to inquire. He lent me counsel and I lent him eyes. I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far as that vast shore wash'd with the farthest sea, I would adventure for such merchandise,'" Regulus replied, hoping for Barty to make the connection. He was no longer apart of this war.

He was free.

"Reggie, what did you do?"

"Does it matter?" Regulus climbed out the balcony and placed his feet firmly on the floor. "I'm here to ask you something. It is something of great importance."

"Yes."

"You haven't heard the question," Regulus said, trying to stop the smile that was breaking onto his face.

"Its you," Barty said softly as if it way a hidden secret just between the two of them. "I'll follow you to hell and back. I swear it."

"Don't swear by that," Regulus fussed. Hell was mean to be for sinners and he couldn't deny they were both sinners; Regulus wanted Barty to be with him after this life. Regulus wanted Barty to always to be there with him. That would be his Heaven.

Barty and Regulus.

Regulus and Barty.

Together Always. "Oh," Barty smirked, taking a leaf out of Regulus' hair, "'What shall I swear by?'"

"'Do not swear at all; or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, and I'll believe thee.'" Regulus paused for a beat before clearing his throat once more as if he'd spoken for too long. "Barty, will you-"

A knock froze Regulus in his place. Barty was meant to be home alone as his parents gallivanted in a Ministry party with the rest of the boring middle-aged office workers. The plan wasn't going as he planned. Or it was perhaps his parents, automatically thinking that he would go to Barty because of their long-standing friendship. But wouldn't they think to go to the Potters first. Or did they believe that their perfect second son wouldn't fall to that level of his disgraced brother.

Barty pulled Regulus into the darkest corner of the balcony, hidden away beside the serpentine statue and the emerald green drapes. He rushed inside a Regulus gripped the warm hand that Barty held closer to his chest with a bated breath, waiting for his best friend to come back.

Regulus could hear Barty's footsteps as clear as the night sky. He closed his eyes, pressing his back into the serpent statue and waited, ready to call out Kreacher's name.

"Mum?"

"Ah, Schnucki. Baby, you're still up?"

"I was reading on the balcony." Barty answered in the softest tone Regulus had ever heard him speak. "Are you ill again?"

"No. No, your father had an emergency at the Ministry so he had to leave. Schnucki, don't stay up too late. You need go keep growing up tall just like your grandfather, in ordnung?"

"In ordnung, ma. Good night."

Barty quickly closed the door and ran back out, letting out a breath as he spots Regulus in the same place as he left him. "Hey... 'wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?'"

Regulus simply stared at his best friend for a minute before crashing into him, wrapping his arms tight around Barty. This may be his last time to see, touch or smell Barty and his had to cherish it. Regulus, just like everything else, was going to ruin this.

There was no return to normal after this.

There was no return to normal the second he lit the flame to burn down Grimmauld Place.

Regulus felt Barty wrap his own arms tight around Regulus, somehow sensitive to the guilt that Regulus was feeling. "Reggie," Barty breathed out, close to Regulus' ear and close to his heart. "Geliebte," he whispered. "My geliebte. What happened?"

"I'm leaving," Regulus murmured into Barty's shoulder. "I'm never coming back, Barty." Regulus could feel Barty stiffen as his hold around Regulus tightened with every word.

If Barty asked him to stay he would. So that's why he had to leave now.

Leave before Barty tried to make him stay.

Leave before Regulus puts his best friend in trouble.

Regulus used all his strength to push himself away from Barty. Barty let out a weak whimper as if the distance pained him. Regulus hardened his eyes or at least he tried to. He knew he couldn't fake his persona long enough in front of Barty because Barty knows him. Barty is one of the only people to truly know Regulus to his core.

Many have tried.

Sirius.

James.

Evan.

Dorcas.

And even Pandora has come close.

But Barty simply knew who Regulus was. Who Regulus is. And who Regulus will be. "My train leaves at seven-twenty in the morning. It's the first train out to Paris."

Regulus hovered his hand over his heart, where a second ticket stayed warm. Who was Regulus to be selfish with Barty? This was a large risk for both of them to take? Barty could reject Regulus and he would be left alone to travel to France. Barty still had Even, Dorcas and Pandora at Hogwarts. He didn't need Regulus like Regulus needed Barty.

"Why?" Barty heaved as his chest quickened. "Why?"

"I can't do it anymore. I..." Regulus gripped the second ticket in his hand and pulled it out, "can't." He pressed the ticket into Barty's hand, holding it tight between his own. "I'll be there until my train comes."

Regulus grips Barty's cheek in his hand and felt the cool summer night but Regulus couldn't help but feel the warmth with Barty. Not heat like how he felt with James but the warmth of a cooling fire. The warmth of a soft, safe home Regulus had always imagined. Barty nestles his face into Regulus' hand, his eyelids fluttering shut. "'A thousand times good night,' Barty."

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oldguy56-world · 2 months

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The Gathering

Today is a holiday both here and south of the border. Up here it is Family Day, a time of getting together with loved ones. Down there it is President's Day, a time for, well I am not quite sure. It got me thinking about whether or not we should have a Prime Minister's Day. Afterall we have Mackenzie King who talked to ghosts. Then we had Trudeau (the older one) who told reporters to F%#k Off. And let's not forget Chretien who tried to strangle a guy for coming into his house uninvited. There must be something to celebrate from one of these iconic Canadian moments.

But let's get back to the holidays. Maybe in the spirit of bringing the country together the American's can start a new tradition. How about on President's Day they bring all the living Presidents and ex-presidents together for a meal. It is only fair if they hold it in a neutral site like a restaurant. I am going to take some liberties here and predict how the dinner conversation would go.

Attendees: Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, George W Bush, Barack Obama, Donald Trump and Joe Biden. Let's have a go at this.

Clinton: George, you don't look happy. 'Sup bro?

Bush: I thought the table would have crayons on it.

Carter: (wistfully) you know I only served one term. Maybe I should run again.

Biden: Jimmy you are a bit old for that.

Trump: Hah. Pot calling the kettle black

Obama: Aren't you the pot calling the pot calling the kettle black?

Trump: Don't make this a racist issue.

Bush: Do you think the meals come with pudding? I like pudding.

Trump: Why is Joe here? I am the President. He never won.

Clinton: Now boys. Chill out.

Obama: Are you stoned Bill?

Clinton: Well I was just in from Colorado. It's legal there.

Bush: (giggles)

Obama: Can someone wake up Jimmy before he drowns in his soup?

Biden: If we had waited until 4:00 we would have had it on sale.

Obama: We need to clean up our act. Soon there will be a woman with us.

Clinton: That would be nice.

Obama: Calm down Bill.

Carter: What did I miss?

Trump: Why do you smoke dope Bill?

Clinton: Hillary.

There are nods all around.

Biden: Finally something we all agree on.

Carter: What are we talking about?

Biden: Well, I, What was that Donald?

Trump: Person, Woman, Man, Camera TV

Obama: What are you babbling about Don?

Trump: I said car, boat, man, tv and food. See I have full control of my faculties.

Carter: Dear God help us all.

Bush: Are we or aren't we getting pudding?

I am pretty sure it would go something like that.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: The longer people take to get together the further apart they become.

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not-so-mundane-after-all · 5 months

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"About the Blogger" Meme

@ambeauty thanks for tagging me, love 💕

Star Sign(s): All I know is that it's Pisces. What does that mean really? No clue, never checked.

Favorite holidays: Halloween, even though it's not that wildly celebrated where I’m from, barely at all. But I love watching the craze about it online and participate in online celebrations. Other than that, Christmas, because of food and family.

Last meal: one of my favorite traditional Polish dishes - bigos

Current Favorite Musician: Does Rachel Zegler count? Because I am obsessed with The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes Soundtrack

Last Music Listened To: Marjorie by Taylor Swift and some other Evermore tracks for Evermore’s and Taylor's birthday (Dec 11th and 13th)

Last Movie Watched: in theaters - Renaissance: a film by Beyonce! Blew my mind! And at home it was my beloved Prospect - a watch party + live reaction (screaming about Cee and Ezra) with my friends the Bees on Discord. As Ezra would say, “This is so exciting!”

Last TV Show Watched: I am making my way through a Supernatural rewatch, finished 7x05 last night. I’m excited to finally be on S7 because S7 introduces my favorite female character ever, Charlie Bradbury!

Last Book/Fic Finished: Book - The Rule of Wolves by Leigh Bardugo (right before S&B was c*nceled, not fuckin fair), and Fic - “The Stag” by AFireInTheAttic about Katniss and Haymitch going hunting because I am in my Hunger Games Renaissance era and PapaHaymitch feels are roaming free

Last Book/Fic abandoned: I bought the entire The Witcher series just to struggle through the first book 🫣 the story is good but the way it's written, my god. Why do our Polish writers have to make everything so difficult? All the fat jokes and sexist jokes and misogyny, you can tell these books were written by an old grumpy douchebag. As for fics, I had to drop out of some Katniss and Haymitch fics because they had shippy undertones and weren't tagged right (please people tag your fics appropriately when it comes to relationships, I am begging on my knees)

Currently reading: Book - Percy Jackson and The Chalice of The Gods by Rick Riordan, Fic - “After All We've Been Through” by TheFelineQueen96 aka my darling @ellies-little-gun, an incredible Joel and Ellie story

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: spinal taps and bone marrow biopsy for my Titanstober fic I am flesh, bones... I am skin, soul… I needed to learn about this to figure out the balance between medical accuracy and using these procedures in unethical ways/as forms of torture, as I’ve seen done on some TV shows in the past, like The 100. I even rewatched those scenes for inspiration

Favorite Online Fandom Memory: as my bestie mentioned before me, definitely the day we all lost it over Brenton's birthday post dedicated to Anna. I had my phone in my hand when that notification appeared and I nearly dropped it, that's how bad I was shaking.

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: probably The Magicians for me. I wasn't active in that fandom, only a little towards the end of the show, but I loved it so much and it has two very strong platonic pairs that I was absolutely obsessed with, Quentin & Julia and Margo & Eliot, and I kind of wish I could write for them. Maybe after a rewatch though 👀

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: Let me use this part for advertising and say PROSPECT!!! WE ARE SMALL BUT MIGHTY, ALL 5 OF US! Jk there's a bit more of us, but not by much and the movie is incredible. So go watch Prospect everyone!!! Come lose your mind with us over Cee and Ezra!!!

Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For: My brain is flooded at the moment with Katniss and Haymitch, I already cave in and wrote one fic even though I am officially on a break till January. I want to write more for them and definitely will, but I need to go back to my two ongoing Titans projects. Only my love for writing Titans is currently the size of a dying candle flame and I am trying to stoke that fire up (rereading my own fic to get back to the story) and failing (it's not working, I got nothing)

No pressure tags for the besties @undertheknightwing @legendsofentity @skoulsons @ellies-little-gun @sotvtaughtmehowtofeel @dilf-din

#tag game #dc titans #prospect #prospect 2018 #the magicians

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shadowonwater · 1 year

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Pokemon SV playthrough part 3: from school to bug gym

In this I get spoiled for choice, try to take a picture of a Psyduck, see some new Pokemon, and also do my 1st picnic

So I'm in the school, Nemona was talking to a lady w/ crazy hair. Nemona said her name but I don't remember it. When I asked her who she was all she said was her name as if that told me anything about her. I bet she's a gym leader or something idk.

Then I see Arven (I remember his name now, woo!) And he acts all buddy buddy with me, which is kinda weird considering he wasn't the most friendly in our first meeting. But he tells me how much he loves cooking and that he's trying to get these Herba Mystica things and wants my help, so I say sure. I just gotta battle some big boi Pokemon.

He tells about Great Tusk, and I'm like "Yo that's sick" because it is. I love mysterious stuff. And considering the only visual reference for it is just a drawing and a blurry photo, I really want to know more! I can totally imagine Pokemon Youtube having some youtuber making a vid about it and the tumbnail would be the blurry photo with a big red circle around the Great Tusk.

All this makes me really excited to see what the hell is in the crater. All I know it that it's super dangerous and also that Sada is somewhere in there and that Koraidon is from there.

A bit off topic but a Pokemon Professor OC of mine (Prof. Silverleaf) would be going feral over this sort of thing. The man goes wild over mysteries. He'd probably try to sneak in, lol.

Anyway after Arven, someone hacks my phone. And is like "Hey, fight Team Star for me will ya?" And I'm like "No." because you hacked my phone, and that's rude.

Principal tells me not to take phone calls in the middle of the cafeteria, and I'm like "fair." Anyway I'm a little worried when he mutters "Team Star" under his breath and I get called to his office later. I'm like "Oh no, am I in trouble?" Like maybe he thought I was getting close to Team Star. But it was nothing like that.

Instead Sada shows up and she's like "Hi, that Koraidon used to be mine, but you can have it, take care of it for me, will you?" And I'm like "Sure". Anyway Sada's theme is baller, and I love it. Although aren't I breaking some rule by having 7 Pokemon with me at once, even if I'm not using one to fight?

So Principal clearly knows something. He knows Sada. And is like "Did she actually do it?" And I'm like "Did she do what?" But of course he doesn't tell me. But he 100% knows something.

So Nemona shows me my room and I'm like "Sweet!" because it's not a bad size and I have it all to myself. Then my character goes to bed despite it being daytime. TIMESKIP! Days go by in a cool sky changing cut scene. How many? idk. I didn't count but maybe someone out there in the world has.

Anyway I think it's weird to hold the treasure hunt so early in the school year, it seems like something that should be saved for later. Like an end of school year celebration of sorts, idk. But then again, I guess finals happen around the end of the year, maybe that's enough excitement for the students.

So yeah Nemona's like "go do gym battles!" and Arven's like "fight the titans!" and the hacker's like "fight Team Star" and I'm like "Ladies, ladies, there's enough of me for all of you! You don't need to fight!" It's around this time I realize who the hacker must be.

I thought to myself, here's Arven, here's Nemona, where's Penny? I haven't seen her around. Then I'm like OH she's the hacker isn't she? I mean it makes sense. Team Star did harass her and I was the one who helped her. No wonder she thought of me when she decided to take them down.

So I decide to go after the Bug Gym first at Nemona's suggestion. I quickly get distracted exploring again.

I try to take a photo of a Psyduck swimming in the river, looking like it's a little too close to the waterfall. And I'm like "which is the take-a-picture button?" and by the time I realize it's just the normal screen cap button, the Psyduck is already out of the river and standing right in front of me. And it's like It's cute you want to pose for the photo but I wanted to take a photo of the swimming. bye.

Anyway caught lots of Pokemon. Saw some Pokemon I've never seen before. Like I vaguely knew about various Pokemon even if I didn't know the specifics. But I saw two Pokemon I haven't seen before at all. I figure Tadbulb evolves into the electric frog the gym leader has. The other was a red dog. I've seen fanart of Arven with a dog, I bet this small red dog evolves into that.

I also have a few tera raids, those were cool, they were all rank one of course. I got a Venonat which is cool because I haven't seen regularly in the wild yet.

I wandered into an area that was a bit strong for me and found another Pokemon that was entirely new to me. A psychic type with a bunch of frills. Was a bitch to catch, it kept breaking out of the ball and causing my team some major damage. I also caught various other Pokemon I already knew, like a pair of Rockruffs.

I did my first picnic and made a sandwich free style. I put so much food on it and when I put the break on it, it kinda fell apart. And then I just stuck the little ref flag into the lettuce. It looked more like a salad then a sandwich but none of my Pokemon seemed to mind. My Yarn Spider and Big Grass Cat fell asleep next to each other and I took a photo. Looks like a cat that got tuckered out from playing with a yarn ball.

Another thing, my flamingo kicks major ass. nothing but a tera raid has survived a double kick from it. This one has a major chance of staying on the Team permanently. It's so strong!

Anyway in terms of new Pokemon I also caught Smoliv and the little fairy steel Pokemon. I vaguely knew that the little fairy steel existed because a lot of people up it's final evo on the internet. I might put it on my team, eventually.

Eventually I went to the gym and did the challenge. May I mention it's a little disappointing I can't go into random people's houses now. I mean, it makes sense logically but I miss being able to just walk into people's houses and chat with them, and go through their garbage to see if there's anything there.

The challenge was fun, I hope I'm allowed to do it again just for fun. The giant olive made such a funny sound as it bounced around. It really want to try doing the maze part again because I just battled people for shortcuts (because I like battles) but I want to try the maze for real!

I tried letting my poison Wooper shine for this match. Unfortunately, it fainted while battling Teddiursa, it at least poisoned it. Feels a bit anti climatic to send out a stronger 2nd Pokemon just to do the last but of damage. It would have been nicer to finish it off with Wooper. But anyway I got the bug badge. The gym leader, I don't know her age but she feels like a kindly old woman.

It was at this moment I really felt spoiled for choice, "where do I go next?" I pondered. There was truly an impossible amount of choices but I know I can't really just go wherever I want because of the lack of level scaling.

So I asked Pokecenter lady and she told me to go for the 1st titan next and I said "ok". Guess I'm going to rely on her to help me with this. So next time I'll be fighting that 1st Titan.

#pokemon #pokemon sv #scarlet and violet #live posting

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dfroza · 6 months

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A place where self-giving love reigns from a pure heart, a clean conscience, and a genuine faith

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 1st chapter of the letter of 1st Timothy:

Paul, an emissary of Jesus the Anointed commissioned by order of God our Savior and Jesus the Anointed, our living and certain hope), to you, Timothy, my true son in the faith.

May the grace, mercy, and peace that come only from God the Father and our Lord Jesus the Anointed mark your life.

As I said that day I left for Macedonia, stay in Ephesus and instruct the unruly people in the church, once and for all, to stop teaching a different doctrine. Tell them to turn away from fables and endless genealogies. These activities just cause more arguments and confusion. Instead, they should concern themselves with welcoming in and bringing about the reign of God, which is all about faith. Our teaching about this journey is intended to bring us to a single destination—a place where self-giving love reigns from a pure heart, a clean conscience, and a genuine faith. Yes, some have walked away from these traits and have fallen into a life of endless blabber and nonsense— they wish to become scholars of the law, but they don’t know what they are talking about, and they make these grand pronouncements but clearly don’t understand what they just said.

You and I know the law is good (if used in the right way), and we also know the law was not designed for law-abiding people but for lawbreakers and criminals, the ungodly and sin-filled, the unholy and worldly, the father killers and mother killers, the murderers, the sexually immoral and homosexuals, slave dealers, liars, perjurers, and anyone else who acts against the sound doctrine laid out in the glorious, holy, and pure good news of the blessed God that has been entrusted to me.

I thank our Lord Jesus the Anointed who empowers me, because He saw me as faithful and appointed me to this ministry. Despite the fact that at one time I was slandering the things of God, persecuting and attacking His people, He was still merciful to me because I acted in ignorance apart from faith. But He poured His grace over me, and I was flooded in an abundance of the grace and faith and love that can only be found in Jesus the Anointed.

Here’s a statement worthy of trust: Jesus the Anointed, the Liberating King, came into the world to save sinners, and I am the worst of them all. But it is for this reason I was given mercy: by displaying His perfect patience in me, the very worst of all sinners, Jesus the Anointed could show that patience to all who would believe in Him and gain eternal life. May the King eternal, immortal, and invisible—the one and only God—now be honored and glorified forever and ever. Amen.

Timothy, my dear child, I am placing before you a charge for the mission ahead. It is in total agreement with the prophecies once spoken over you. Here it is: with God’s message stirring and directing you, fight the good fight, armed with faith and a good conscience. Some have tried to silence their consciences, wrecking their lives and ruining their faiths. Hymenaeus and Alexander are among these; I have had to hand them over to Satan so they might learn not to speak against God.

The Letter of 1st Timothy, Chapter 1 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice translation:

It is fair to say that Paul never got over the fact that he violently persecuted the church. Even though his rampage against the first followers of Jesus had ended over 20 years earlier, he still grieved because of what he had done. But when Paul was older, he was moved to celebration and praise because God’s mercy is always greater than sin. The Lord Jesus called Paul in the midst of his campaign against Him so that he became a public display of Jesus’ patient love. So, if we think somehow we are too far from God’s mercy, then we should think again.

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 2nd chapter of the book of Ezekiel that begins with this note tied in with the vision of the first chapter:

Ezekiel’s strange vision of clouds and fires, light and lightning, creatures with four faces, wheels within wheels, and a throne-chariot is a prelude to his ultimate vision. For a moment he glimpses a humanlike figure seated on a throne; this, he says, is the glory of the Eternal. The word “glory” refers to God’s visible manifestation. Though God is unseen, from time to time human beings are given the privilege of seeing His glory. This glory accompanies Israel in the wilderness and resides in the temple in Jerusalem. But Ezekiel realizes God’s glory is not restricted to Jerusalem; it is in Babylon with those in exile. The fact that God’s glory is seen in Babylon and reported by His prophet offers comfort to those displaced in a foreign land.

[Ezekiel 2]

The Voice (to Ezekiel): Son of man, rise to your feet. I want to speak to you.

As soon as the voice spoke, the Spirit entered me and lifted me to my feet; I listened to what the voice told me.

The Voice: Son of man, I am dispatching you to the people of Israel. They are a rebellious nation that lives in defiance of Me. They and their ancestors have broken loyalties with Me even up to this very day. Go to the Israelites, who are stubborn and hardhearted, and tell them, “This is what the Eternal Lord has to say.” Whether this nation of rebels listens or refuses to listen to My message, at least they will know a prophet has visited them. Do not fear them or their words, son of man. Though you will dwell among the thistles and briars of their hostility, though their reactions will make you think you’re sitting on scorpions, do not be afraid. Pay no attention to their threats, and don’t let their glaring faces intimidate you. They are a rebellious lot. It is vital you feed them My words, whether they choose to digest them or not, for they are a rebellious people.

Listen to what I tell you, son of man. Do not follow their rebellious ways. Open your mouth and eat what I give you.

When I looked, I saw a hand extended toward me. In its palm was a scroll. As I looked on, the scroll was unrolled, and I could see that there was writing on the front and back. It was covered with words of lament, grief, and disaster.

The Book of Ezekiel, Chapter 2 (The Voice)

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for Sunday, October 29 of 2023 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons that takes it back to the garden:

Recall that the very first prophecy given in the Torah, namely, God’s promise that through the “seed of the woman” would come one who would slay the serpent and crush the kingdom of Satan (Gen. 3:15). This prophecy is sometimes called the proto-euangelion ("first gospel"), since it constitutes the starting point of all subsequent redemptive history revealed in the Scriptures. In a sense this promise forms the “womb” for the whole course of God’s redemptive plan for the human race. The first prophecy of Torah clearly anticipated the coming of the Savior of mankind and a cosmic battle between good and evil: "... he (i.e., the Savior/Messiah) will crush your head (ראשׁ), and you (i.e., the serpent/Satan) will crush his heel (עָקֵב)."

It is likely that Eve initially believed that her firstborn son Cain (קַיִן) was the promised Seed himself. After all, the miracle of birth surely came as a great shock to her, and Eve’s faith in God’s promise that through her seed would come the deliverer was doubtlessly upon her heart at this time. When Eve called her son “Cain” (wordplay from the verb kana (קָנָה), “to get”), she was expressing her faith in God’s promise: קָנִיתִי אִישׁ אֶת־יהוה / kaniti ish et-Adonai, “I have gotten a man - namely, the LORD” (Gen. 4:1). Eve’s faith was obscured by the translators, however, who rendered the Hebrew as "I have gotten a man with the help of the LORD" (i.e., they inserted the idea of “help” and translated the particle et (את) as “with” rather than as the direct object marker for the verb). The ancient Jewish targums, however, agree with the original Hebrew. For example, Targum Yonatan reads: “I have gotten a man - the Angel of YHVH.” Surely Eve, the first mother of humanity, was endowed with great wisdom from God, especially after she turned to Him in repentance after her disobedience. The straightforward reading of her words, then, expressed her hope that the LORD Himself would be made a man....

Despite her hope that Cain was none other than the God-Man and promised Deliverer, Eve’s hopes were dashed when it became clear that her son was of the seed of Satan (1 John 3:12). His younger brother Abel (הֶבֶל) was a shepherd who evidenced faith in the promise of the coming redeemer by offering blood sacrifice (Gen. 4:3-5). Abel was persecuted and finally murdered by his brother Cain “because his own deeds were evil and his brother's righteous.” Their spiritual conflict is indicative of the ongoing warfare between the “sons of darkness” and the “sons of light.”

The murder of Abel necessitated that the coming seed would descend through another child, and therefore the Torah describes the birth of Seth (שֵׁת, lit. "appointed"), the third son of Adam and Eve. The Scriptures further state that it was the descendants of Seth who "began to call upon the Name of the LORD" (לִקְרא בְּשֵׁם יהוה), indicating that they had faith in God (אֱלהִים) as the Compassionate Covenant Keeper (יהוה) who would redeem humanity by means of the coming seed. Seth called his firstborn son Enosh ("man"), perhaps in the hope that his child would be the promised Savior (interestingly, bar enosh (בַּר אֱנָשׁ), or “Son of Man,” is the name for the Savior (Dan 7:13).

The Torah then traces the genealogy (toldot) of Seth through ten generations (from Adam), until his descendant Noach (נחַ) is described as the only tzaddik (righteous man) remaining in the earth (for more on the genealogy, see parashat Noach). The promise of the coming seed would therefore come through Noah, since his family alone survived the great flood. Now Noah had three sons, but it was through Shem (שֵׁם) that the “line of the Messiah” would come. According to midrash, Noah announced his blessing near the end of his life. When he said, “Blessed be the LORD, the God of Shem” (בָּרוּךְ יהוה אֱלהֵי שֵׁם), he prophesied that the coming redemption would come through the line of Shem, not through Canaan or Japheth. Notice that the phrase, “he shall dwell (יִשְׁכּן) in the tents of Shem,” is often thought to refer to Japheth, though the Hebrew grammar is ambiguous. Does the “he” in this case refer to Japheth or to the LORD? A viable translation would be “and He (i.e., the LORD) shall dwell in the tents of Shem,” meaning that the LORD would dwell among the Shemites, and by extension, that the promised Seed would come from this line. In this sense, Noah’s blessing to Shem was a prophecy of the coming Redeemer through Shem (similar to Jacob’s blessing of Judah as the chosen tribe). Since the LORD is the “God of Shem” (יהוה אֱלהֵי שֵׁם), and the prophecy states that one day He (i.e., God) would “dwell in the tents of Shem,” the Torah indicates that the coming Redeemer (הַגּוֹאֵל) would come from the Shemites, of whom the great patriarch Abram (אַבְרָם) descended.

The Torah identifies Abram as the tenth generation from Noah (including Noah), and therefore the twentieth from Adam. God called Abram out of Ur of Chaldea to begin a pilgrimage of faith to the land of promise (Heb. 11:8-10). The story of Abram is highly prophetic of the coming Messiah, and the promises given to him foretell of the advent of Yeshua in unmistakable ways. After the Akedah (i.e., the sacrifice of Isaac), God promised that “in your seed (זֶרַע) shall all the nations of the earth be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice” (Gen. 22:18). In light of the New Testament, the faith of Abraham - and especially the faith demonstrated by the Akedah - prefigured the justification of the nations through faith. Therefore we read: “And the Scripture, foreseeing (προοράω) that God would justify the nations by faith, proclaimed the gospel (προευαγγελίζομαι) beforehand to Abraham, saying, "In you shall all the nations be blessed" (Gal. 3:9). It is noteworthy that Abraham received this promise as a Gentile, since he was yet given the commandment of brit milah (circumcision) as a token of Jewish identity. Abraham was therefore uncircumcised when he believed the good news of the coming redemption of mankind (Rom. 4:10-12). Therefore the Apostle calls Abraham the father of faith for those Gentiles who would later believe the good news of redemption in Yeshua. “So then, those who are of faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith” (Gal. 3:9; Rom. 4:16).

Genesis 22:18 clearly states that the blessing would come through Abraham’s “seed” (זֶרַע). The Apostle Paul clearly identifies this seed with Yeshua: “Now the promises were made to Abraham and to his offspring. It does not say, "And to offsprings," referring to many, but referring to one, "And to your offspring," who is Messiah” (Gal. 3:16). In other words, the promises were made first to Abraham but also to the coming Messiah. This is yet another example of a “dual aspect” prophecy, since it pertains to Abraham and his chosen offspring (i.e., Isaac (not Ishmael), Jacob (not Esau), Judah (not Reuben), David (not Jesse’s firstborn), Solomon (not Adonijah), etc.), but also to the coming Messiah who would redeem fallen humanity from the curse brought about through Satan (John 8:56). Abraham was chosen by God, in other words, to “deliver” the promised Savior to the world. “Salvation is from the Jews,” of course (John 4:22), but the blessing of Abraham’s promised Seed was ultimately meant to be bestowed upon all people, so that one day the Kingdom of God would be manifest within the sons and daughters of Adam (Gal. 3:14). This is also why Malki-Tzedek, the “priest of the Most High God,” was the one who was appointed to bless Abraham, since he prefigured a priesthood that predated the one given later to the Levites through the office of Moses (Heb. 7:1-21).

The original curse of death and the division symbolized by Babel would be reversed through the sacrificial death, burial, and resurrection of Yeshua the Messiah: "And they sang a new song, saying, 'Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth" (Rev. 5:9-10).

[ Hebrew for Christians ]

========

Genesis 22:18 Hebrew audio:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/gen22-18-jjp.mp3

Hebrew page:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/gen22-18-text.mp3

The Gospel in the Garden article:

https://www.hebrew4christians.com/Scripture/Parashah/Summaries/Bereshit/Gospel/gospel.html

10.27.23 • Facebook

from yesterday’s email by Israel 365:

Has God ever thrown you a curveball? Of course, He has. There’s an old Yiddish expression, “Man plans, and God laughs.” We wake up every morning with an idea of what the future looks like. We make plans, as we must, only to be blindsided by God. The surprises God throws at us are sometimes blessings, sometimes they challenge us to the core. And more often than not, we don’t even know what’s a blessing and what is a challenge until years later. But one thing is certain, God does not reveal His plans.

Now you may be thinking, “What do you mean? Of course God reveals His plans. It’s called prophecy.” Yes, the Bible is filled with the word of God telling us what the future holds. But here’s the thing. We still don’t know. God still surprises us.

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

October 29, 2023

Prayer for All Men

“I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men.” (1 Timothy 2:1)

The book of 1 Timothy consists of various charges (1:18- 19) to Paul’s disciple Timothy. The first charge (2:1-8) concerns prayer in the church. The fact that Paul mentions it “first of all” (v. 1) indicates that he felt it of primary importance. Note the four types of prayer in our text verse.

Supplications, or perhaps petitions, referring to one’s personal needs: We must recognize our continued dependence on God’s provision. “The effectual fervent prayer [same word] of a righteous man availeth much” (James 5:16).

Prayers: This is a general term with a number of applications, but foremost it indicates reverence for and worship of the one to whom the prayers are offered. “I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting” (1 Timothy 2:8).

Intercessions: This word implies a personal bequest on an intimate basis, as child to father. The only other occurrence of the word regards the eating of food that “is sanctified by the word of God and prayer” (1 Timothy 4:5).

Giving of thanks: When we give thanks, we recognize that our blessings are undeserved. “Blessing, and glory, and wisdom, and thanksgiving, and honour, and power, and might, be unto our God for ever and ever” (Revelation 7:12).

These types of prayers, which should probably be understood as representing all types of prayers, should be made “for all men,” specifically those in authority (v. 2) and for the unsaved (v. 4). Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will present our prayers to the Father (v. 5) and ensure that He will answer them as He sees best. JDM

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the-gift-of-submission · 1 year

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Inside a Submissives Soul -

Dear Diary -

The weekend before move in day we spent locally. Time to relax and mooch about whilst we walk around talking about any moving plans and planning for the future. We both want this, need this, we both would like to explore and share life together to it's full potential. Not just as DS couple, although that was our primary baseline in seeing eachother way in the beginning, but as a couple, fully committed, companions, partners, lovers and a DS couple too. It will take some time and that's ok, our connection is a unique and special one. Despite the worries and concerns I've had and still do have from time to time - I just need the occasional reminding reassurance, I am ready for this more than ever. Moving day comes just a few days after the weekend and it is only as stressful as I make it, cleaning and tidying the house, organising the space, moving bits in with him. I am experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions, I just want it to be perfect for him. He is constantly reassuring me, as I am him, we manage to get things sorted to be the best of our ability and everything is else will fall into place bit by bit as we settle in together.

Fast forward to now, we have been living together almost 6 months, which I intend for us us celebrate. Although it seems we have been together longer it is still technically early days. He makes me so incredibly happy, he is my everything, my all. We have done so much in the way of making the house our home, it is only temporary so it will do what it is meant for for the time being, as well as being out and about. We have spent time a great deal of with his parents, they are amazing, alittle time with my family, shopping, dinner out, nights out, time away in Scotland, the East Coast and other various place, a couple of concerts and general time together etc. It has been wonderful. We spend nearly all our time together apart from being at work and sometimes life has other callings upon us, generally we are in eachothers company. He is always doing something if we aren't doing anything inparticular. He cooks, he cleans, he does washing, the DIY, making things from scratch or recycling. He is currently making me a jewellery box, he has spent weeks to months now working on it, I have said, it will be perfect for my collars, it is something special that he has made for me. He is making a chain harness for me to wear, he helps me arrange my outfits, adds to them, assists with getting myself into them, and out obviously. He is so very helpful, so very thoughtful. He tries to spoil me, he does to be fair but I am resistant much of the time to him spending money on me. I understand why he does it, I just struggle with it for many different reasons. All in all he is simply just perfect. My love for him goes much deeper than that though, I must stress this. It is soul deep, something within the connection we have. That something is so very, very uniquely special. So very much.

Our first Christmas together was tough, for me it was just that it was our first and again, I wanted things to be perfect for him. It was much harder for him, so many memories for him, a really tough time of year. I know this will possibly always be the case and that is OK because I will endeavour to be here and support him through it all in any way I can. In any way he will let me. He is difficult to buy for and as much as I'd like to spoil him with gifts it was difficult to as a result of him not wanting or needing much of things. He has said if anything, buy experiences and so I found an experience and he said that would be a good gift - The Rock Orchestra by Candlelight - we really enjoyed it too. I can't wait to buy many more experiences for him and some for us to share. I enjoy all my time with him, I hope he feels the same way, he is often adamant that he enjoys his time with me, that he is happy with me. He spoilt me despite me asking him not to, he got me something very special which I wear alot, a few things actually but this piece tells a story, a pandora bracelet with various charms, the stars, the sun, the moon and things I love - pawprints for my cat companions, a bear for my hometown and a couple of random nerdy space things - the death star, the rebels logo. A couple of charms with stars, he has called me his star on a number of occasions, a charm with the sun, moon and more stars, alittle piece of the universe, our universe. Most of all, charms that say 'I Love You' and 'Love You Most', 'Love You More'. A story of love, the love he has for me, a story of him wanting everything with me, an ongoing story, our story. I will keep this close to my heart and soul forever. He also gave me a silver necklace, I wear this often too. I also have been given many collars for play as well as the one he made me - my first, my last, my comfort, my unique most favourite piece. I can't recall if I mentioned this previously but he also gave me a ring, a belated birthday gift that I wear permanently. It is a collar ring, a thick silver band with an Oring on it. It symbolises the commitment and love of our D/S relationship as well as our relationship as a whole. I love it deeply, just like I do him.

I tried to make his birthday as special as possible, he doesn't like fuss, neither do I but it is important that I do fuss alittle, or should I say, alot! His parents came down for the weekend, we went out for dinner, it was really lovely, I do enjoy spending time with them too. We recently went up to Scotland to spend a couple of nights with them whilst they were having a break up there to celebrate their birthdays and anniversary. I really love it up there, it feels like home. Back to his birthday, I had some Star Trek comms badges made for him and put in a frame by someone who is very talented over in Ireland. We both really like the Star Trek franchise and these were all I could think of at the time, he isn't the easiest to buy for and I wasn't sure what experiences were around at the time. A couple of days before I gave him something special I had custom made in America and shipped here. Within a week of moving in, the van was broken into and mainly tools were stolen and various bits and pieces, most of it was replacable but still upsetting. The worst of what was taken was the safe and in there was his passport and his two sentimental jewellery pieces, the silver engraved heart and the silver necklace with the bound human figurine dangling from her foot. I can't imagine how he must have felt, it was incredibly special for him, I felt heartbroken that it was taken from him and I felt responsible in some for it. I have and keep hunting for it online hoping one day it may show up and I can get it back, it's a long shot but I will always hope. So I went online and contacted a few various jewellery makers about the piece I wanted to have made for him and I found one. This wasn't about cost or about replacing, it was about showing and giving him that sentimental piece of mind again, how special his piece was, still is. What it represents is powerful or at least it is supposed to be. The piece came over, she turned out beautifully, I couldn't wait another 3 days till his birthday, it had been long enough already. She is silver, bound with rope and dangling by her foot, she is the evolutionary version of herself, for him, for his heart and soul. I think he was happy with it, a few tears and smiles. I think I did something good for him, I really hope I did.

Amongst all the good days, we have had some rough days, I'd say we have had arguments - disagreements and I guess you could call them that but not like the classic 'having ago' at eachother. More than anything it is the adjustment and figuring things out, figuring eachother out. The past haunts us from time and time, I just want to make him happy, to make him feel wanted, needed, desired and loved because he really is wanted, needed, desired and loved. It can be difficult to find the balance so it isn't too much and it isn't too little. I'm a needy person and I don't want to ever be overbearing or difficult in any way. If we need to, if we need to address things, he has me sit staddling him on the sofa, laying over eachother, laying side by side on the bed, stood face to face to talk. This is really important, it should be I every relationship but we will make sure we do this in ours. As long as we are as eachothers arms to go through things, we can get through it. The touch of one another grounds us, we are very affectionate towards eachother, there are snuggles, cuddles and kisses, there is always physical contact with eachother. That alone is immensely important for us both.

My mental health has become an issue to the point I have had to take a break from work and I have had to resort to medication. I feel so defeated, I feel like an absolute failure. I said I wouldn't go on medication and I've had to. I have breakdowns - meltdowns over alsorts, my head overloads, spins, my thoughts race and I become overwhelmed. I have panic attacks, moments of complete despair and turmoil, I want to hurt myself, I want the pain to stop and leave me. There have been times he has had to support me through this, sometimes gently, sometimes harshly, regardless, he is here, supporting me. He often tells me he is has his big hairy chest for me to cry on, that's what it was made for. My doctor says I've had some huge changes to my life and even though I have physically implemented them, the mental and emotional parts of me haven't caught up yet and I have taken on more than I realise, I have put more pressure on myself than I first thought. I lost all motivation, I don't want to do anything, I am tired all the time, teary, angry at myself, I feel like I'm always cranky and mean towards him, I hate my body and the way I feel. I am just a mess all the damn time. I think the medication has taken effect in some way but I now may have to up the dosage, I really don't want to, I just want to snap myself out of this. I started in the past couple of months, getting back to exercise 5 days a week, pole practice and pilates mainly, sometimes additionally using the rowing machine and trying to get 5k-10k steps per day. I feel better for doing it, I really need to keep at it, I am working hard to keep going. I am working hard to get better. I am slowly getting back into work, hoping it lasts, we will see I guess. He is ways supporting me, constantly giving me praise, compliments and encouragement. He does his upmost to take care of me. He helps me with so much, from things in general even when I don't ask for it or feel I can't, if a break and need to be kept safe he will hold his close to him for ask long as it takes or times before I reach crisis point and I'm overloaded and just need to move away from everything, he guides me. He supports me unconditionally. I just need to believe I am attractive, that I am enough, that I am worthy. I believe in him, I just need to believe it in all, as in life, for him and most of all, for myself.

He is back working after taking a break for a few months and seems happier in himself now he is, however not so much who he is working for and how the operate. He will find what he needs and wants in the near future, I know he will, he is excellent in what he does, he has a brilliant mind and shows such dedication. I know it was bothering him not being able to 'provide', that's not something I allow but it is something he will do anyway whether I like it or not. I like to contribute, pay my way, provide and be independent as well. He knows this and we work together in respecting eachothers feelings on this, we still have a lot to learn from eachother, respect and support in this area. We know we can both have whatever of our own but make our best efforts to share everything we can. He is often having to reassure me and remind me it is 'us', not him and I, we are a couple, partners, lovers, we are a team, we are building a future together. He often tells me I need to talk to him about everything, all of it. I try, I don't know how I'm supposed to talk about what goes on in my head, I don't want to cause problems because I can't think straight and/or rationalise things from one day to the next. I say everything in my head, full blown conversations but I think the worst and in the end in freeze up and can't find the words because I'm terrified I may say something wrong. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt him. I've said and done too much previously when everything was turned upside down, inside out and I thought I had lost him forever when after all this time we had finally met and the chemstry, the connection, the bond was instantaneous. The smallest of things, one tiny thought can explode, sending my head into a spin and I spiral down into alsorts of a mess. I am working hard to become a better version of me, I'm still not 100% sure what and who I I supposed to be, to become. All I know is I just want to be better. The things that I talk about here is but a fraction of everything, there is so much I could talk about, this is as alround of everything as I can get in a manner of speaking. And as much as I talk about the negative, there is so much positive. We both say, "Even when I'm not ok, you make me ok, I am OK when I am with you". It is so very true. The positive is a dream come true, the way we talk, the way we laugh, smile, even cry. The way we spend time together, whether that's cooking, shopping or whatever else in general. The way we snuggle, hug and kiss, the way we are emotionally intimate and physically intimate. He sets my insides alight, the burn is scoldingly hot, the shine is blindly bright, he makes my soul dance. I can feel my body pulsating and continously yearning for him even when he is right there. His presence makes me weak at the knees, he doesn't even have to touch me for my insides to tingle, then just one look, just one breath of his upon my skin and my soul is on fire, it radiates through every single atom and fiber of my being. He touches every part of me without touching me, the very core of me belongs to him, all of me is his. He says to me often, when I am in his arms, "Mine". I respond, "Yours". He will then pause for a moment and say "Yours", I respond, "Mine". He tells me often, "You are my reason", I respond, "As you are mine". The way he is with me, the way he is as an individual, all of him makes me see life, feel life in a way I have never seen and felt it all before. I am happy, happiest with him, so very much so.

The hardest part of all this I feel is me, the mess that I am. Over a year ago, we met after 10 years of messaging on and off and it came the time for me to finally explore B.D.S.M, I had suppressed in myself for so long, it has been long enough. We started exploring, my journey began with him only to suddenly stop. He saved my life only for me to feel like it was ending all over again. Despite the anger, hurt and pain, I said and did awful things, I wanted him back but more than anything I wanted to support him through the god awful time he was going through. He is still recovering and will for sometime, maybe forever and I will stand by his side in every capacity I am able for as long as he will allow me to. Not only did he come back to guide me through on my exploration of B.D.S.M. He came back to me, to be with me permanently, to travel on a journey we will now share together for the rest of our lives. The one I trust, the one I love, the one I want and will give my submission to. I am his, he is mine, we belong to one another. We are not a him and I, we are a 'we', we are us. He is incredible, he is wonderfully amazing, he is my all. Everything I wanted, I needed, I desired with him is right here infront of me, it's happening, we are doing this. So why am I such a mess? Why am I so unbalanced? The past doesn't matter, the future doesn't matter, I have to live in the present. As always, it is small steps and one step at a time... He is my partner, my Mr, my lover, my Sir... He is my always and forever... He is my happy ever after... Finally, it is our time... Now is our time...

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thegraveyardjohnsongrey · 1 year

Text

May 2021

May: Convos of the Day

“You gotta be your own Scooter Braun”

This month I learned that I need to be my own manager. Not only do I need to be the dreamer and the planner, but I also have to be the person who gets things done - for me. I need to put myself into advantageous places, and sometimes that means sticking my neck out and putting myself out there.

Yea it’s awkward. Yes it’s stressful. Yes it’s annoying. And yes it’s uncomfortable.

But I need to take those chances. Because even one opportunity sown from a hundred tries- is worth those hundred tries.

To @Manager me, be kind to us. Be fair. And be accountable for us. Understand that you are the part of us that goes beyond our fear and gets it done. Have a healthy relationship with how we do things, and push us enough to challenge us, not go against us. Do everything in love and in good faith.

+ Started Mile-a-day challenge + APABA video & positive feedback

+ Started Jupiter’s Legacy

+ Caden’s 1st Haircut!!!!

+ RKT broken up :/

+ Dan Lalican x Angelica’s Wedding!

+ Saturday Hangout at AC & Q’s house!

+ Memorial Day Sunday at the Calotes’

Major Projects:

Securing LORs

LSAT practice

Early stages of Applications

New life goals:

Healthier technique & sound when I sing

Loving to sweat and to see being active as a friend and something that feeds me back

Less IG/social media to avoid triggers of comparison

Self-care Goals:

More moisturized hair?

gluing down sides?

Spray to make it black?

Songs:

My Head & My Heart

SOUR ALBUM!!!!

Good 4 U x Misery Business

Fast (Motion)

Build-A-Btch

5.1.21

+ Adding “bigger” eyebrows to my face really adds a drama to my face that helps me having more striking features. I effs with it + I’m so proud of myself.

Bc before today I had nothing, and after today I have, like — not *everything but A LOT

and definitely enough to finish by Monday if I really wanted

Wow.

I love work

LOL

Not really - but I LOVE seeing ideas working out perfectly and everything coming to life !!!! ITS EXHILARATING AND SO SATISFYING + Square Game w CAM (and readings hashtag #BlackMagic)

I feel like so many people achieved their professional goals this year. Their “happy endings” that I’m trying to find. But am I lokong for a moment? A day? Where I feel achievement? Is this me trying to show gratitude to my parents?

Carmelle, Cori, Kendall, Dana, Nina (maybe like the latter two, I’m allowed to be proud of where I am and what I’ve accomplished - even if it’s not the complete image I had in my head of where I’d be- or if it’s not to the standard of everyone else)

5.2.21

1.) How you feel matters.

I used to think that

2.) Sometimes Friends hype up plans and don’t follow through.

It’s a sucky thing but it happens. Things come up, and sometimes plans change. It’s safest to not take those excited comments to heart. Lol

Robert -

That I know what it means to help build a community and that I know what to do with the resources I have and how to use that for others.

That I know how to think under pressure and to (mediate) difficult situations

Personal Statement Questions I want to answer

Who I am

How that inspires me be a lawyer

How _____ School will help me do exactly that

Make your arguments air tight!

Convincing myself that I’m not suffering when I am.

“Where in that do you hear about you giving that to God”

+ Surge of excitement/happy-prideful ness chemicals from IG and all the likes and comments coming from it (“is this like.. what it’s like to be famous?” LMAO)

+ Reward: Enjoying my social media and my AAPI Heritage posts after FINISHING THE SLIDESHOW VIDEO FOR APABA !! WOO (praise god I met that deadline and didn’t even realize!) - pats on own back for working hard, wormy smart, and EXECUTING the damn thing. BOBA WITH THE SISTERS TOMORROW TO CELEBRATE !!

5.3.21

+ Caden’s fly swatting

Importance of

feeling a wave of positive change and uplifting ness

Knowing how to work hard and smart- KNOWING when to take a break and to back in my work In bite-size increments

Allowing myself to get lost in my passion - and allowing myself to be PROUD of my work rather than defeated by it

Having pride in what you put forth

+ Serving face in the mirror when I was lying on on my bed. I may have gained a lot of my pre-pandemic weight back, but QORL I’m STILL saving face?????? Looks like that year really helped my develop more permanent angles huh (and pride for my flat nose and almond eyes!!!!)

5.6.21

Kuddos email from Alicia about presentation

Second email while at Gym - Things are possible

Feelings of lightness, like I’m where I need to be; sitting liking outside from an empty gym (Mirror - Porter)

Loving the shape of my nose today (it’s not like huge and irritated? It’s slim? And I’m like ??... never sure how that happens? But I wanna know how I get it like that. For future reference!

Feeling the pump from weights today was nice!! LATE 2020 BODY HERE I COME

also do carrots make you more orange in tint? Idk but I like the color of my skin rn- it’s so vibrant and brown and caramel-Y. And smooth! How I do that!!! Water intake?

5.7.21 Wanting to make good on wave of positive feedback and ask for letter of recommendation **Realization: You have to be your own publicist, manager, agent, therapist, fan. LOL. You literally have to pout yourself in the most advantageous positions, and that means being your own Scooter braun sometimes.

Mornings are for LSAT, Afternoons are for Family/Errands, Evenings for ME

I am very proud of you for cleaning so much and getting everything you wanted to get done today done. You studied, cleaned hella, cooked for yourself, ate a healthy meal, scheduled a chat with Zarra, cleaned your car, purged receipts- etc. I am so so so so offing proud of you. I see you. You are doing amazing

Epiphany: It doesn’t need to workout in the way I wanted; it just needs to work out

5.10.21

AL mad pissing me off

I’m always so frustrated when it comes to her, because mom and dad never taught us to A.) be boastful nor b.) Competitive with each other. But hey, I guess that’s what happens when you’re the middle and have to find a way to “shine”. It’s comforting to know that any of what I say has weight and that I’m not the only one who sees it. Praying for her unresolved insecurities tbh

I shouldn’t need to feel like I have to prove myself to you. In any light, really. Because your thoughts are your own, and your perspective is valid. Just so as long as you are bot rude, destructive, or divisive

But maybe that’s just it: maybe not any one of us HAVE to be the perfect one. There’s three of us that each of us are too at and I think that it is our calling to recognize that, live it, and be proud of jt

5.10.21

BMI is 31% ☹️☹️☹️ (I gained 16 pounds since December!!!!!!! I cry)

5.11.21 - felt overwhelmed by everything LSAT is in a month again, APABA social opportunities — WHATEVER. We can entertain networking and social opportunities AFTER June LSAT and the WHOLE year after we have finished submitting applications Focus on the projects you have already been assigned to and focus on mentorship with Zarra.

I can not be waiting on things and people that might not happen

5.11.21

“Kamille we’re at Armature”

Iconic pics, Kyle, and my booty !!!!!! #MangoSangria #MonicaMakesMeLaugh

It was so nice to be surrounded in laughter and good spirits again. To have like a “mini” night out. Granted, it was a little weird, since this wasn’t my crowd of close friends. But. Still nice!

It also freaks me out that all the “babies” from 2018 are al grown up and graduated - Raul, Jacob, Nica, etc. like girl..... HUH?????? (I am shook)

Monica is so effing funny. I forgot

5.12.21

These days, I’ve been wondering if/when I’ll ever get into law school. A part of me wonders if the past 3 years was just another script to go by - to prove and show to others that I was “working on something”. And when I look back on my progress, idk why I feel ashamed and aspiration-less and then other times I swallow up with pride.

Half of me wants to give myself unconditional love and support - and to endlessly believe that I’m- actually good (and destined) for law school.

Then the other half of me wants to stop pretending. It wonders why - if it was meant for me and part of my calling - why does it feel so impossible all the time? Am I fighting for a dream or am I bullying myself into an image of myself that I insist on having.

I’ve always enjoyed who I am around people and how they view me.

Been wondering if I’m bipolar. I’ve always felt everything so intensely - and I feel like I’ve always been prone to leaning into the positive more so than the negative.

Culture: It is a commitment to sharing traditions, remembering history, and embodying resilience.

5.13.21

Appreciating my face and my bod for what it is and re-learning to be body positive. Aka loving when I swear and not beating myself up for not measuring up the bar that I used to reach from before

Just like the world outside me, my body is allowed to have seasons. To change to grow to gain, to lose. I’m allowed to do it all

LMAO AT OUR RANDOM BURST OF CREYING in the car on the way to get soy sauce from the Philippine Grocery. “Hard Habit to Break” — hearing dads voice so clearly and it making me emotional that one day I’ll hear that and he won’t be there and LOL IDK WHY I RANDOMLY STARTED CRYIG LMAO IT WAS SO WEIRD

I did good today. I did a lot of things. I studied. I worked out. I grocery shopped for the house. I cleaned for the house. I prepped food. I picked up dinner for the Vus. I had quality time with them. I did good today. I deserve rest. I deserve reflection.

5.16.21

I don’t want to attach myself to those things, because if I do that, I’m afraid I’ll always be mourning myself. And I don’t want to expend that energy. Ya know, energy is not what I have all the time anymore. And that’s a part of growing up

If what I’m experiencing now is the beginning of how it’s going to be and one of many, I don’t want to always be here.

I want to welcome those parts of me that are coming in and all the good that is to come from me evolving and changing and growing.

I should be proud that I get to even have this. When many people don’t have that past/foundation to begin with, But that I get to do it again

Question for you right now

What can I do now to minimize those feelings of anxiety and shame?

Question for the future:

Do I ever get over these feelings of growing pain?

Is the life I’m building and in 5 years from now something I’m proud of adding to my existing catalogue of passionate and exciting work?

Something tells me to watch out for 2038

“To choose something opposite of what nature tells you is the being of love”

5.17.21 “No one thinks that of you. No one is attacking you no one is giving you bad energy. Stop feeding those illusions in your head, come outside of them and work and live and be alive.”

+ It’s so funny how I’m already daydreaming about what October///Fall 2021 is going to look like. Specifically after September when all the hell of these next few months are going to be over.

Sometimes I get scared thinking about what my application will look like. How defeated and hopeless I may feel. I’m scared it’s going to be like Sept 2020 all over again. And it’s in my head that Sept/October is just a cursed time for me all around (ever since 2019. Haha)

But at the same time, I can’t help but feel a small gust of optimism thinking about then. Knowing that Ill be done and knowing that I will have given it my all- even if it isn’t 100% of the image I had in mind for my first round of law school applications.

A small part of me hopes that I’ll be proud of myself for coming that far, and that whether I’ll be able to see it or not- that good things are inevitably coming my way.

I can’t wait to go to Khoimanda’s wedding and turn tf up!!!, I can’t wait for our potential family trip to Seattle, and for Fall/Halloween festivities to return. I can’t wait to hopefully see my lineage out and/or at a rave (ok, maybe not EDC? But def spring 2022! Lmao), I can’t wait to work on my body again, I can’t wait have more CAM hangouts and Quality FTs with friends I love by then, and overall I can’t wait feel as free as I did in between Feb LSAT and April NALA.

I think it’s so weird that I’m looking forward to Fall when summer has barely begun. But it’s all good. Summer 2021 is when ow tap thisbmuthafuqqa of an application UP. And submit that sht.

2022 we comin for you baybee

sometimes I feel bummed that no one (besides my family) got to see my “quarantine” bod/weight loss. But .. I guess the more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe that was something for me to enjoy.

+ “If I crave only the sensation of being in a relationship without having someone to fit the bill. Well then….. I want joy and excitement. I want the sensation of happiness more than I want a person. And I guess thats where the wrong foot was placed. “I bore my soul to you and you wanted no part of it. Thats enough to convince me.” —— a delightful thought I had while listening to jazz coffee shop music on YouTube. A reminder to myself to stay creative, stay hopeful, and to stick to what gives back to me.

5.18.21

"It's okay if it's only for a short time."

+ Feeding Ducks with Josh & Denni. I’m so happy that we’re all in each other’s lives again and that ... there’s a sense of bonding and connection again. Feels like a girl group that has since reconciled LOL #EthnicCleansingDucks #BananaAtDuck #YayForThemReteachingMeHowToRideABike #MealOnWheel #OliviaRodrigoWhatALegend

“I just felt so disconnected from myself and what I knew myself to be. And in turn that made me feel disconnected from those around me. Like... how could I relate and catchup and support my friend if I couldn’t even do that for myself. I didn’t feel like having that conversation of “ya know I’m not ok. I’m not the happiest, I do feel displaced. I wasn’t ready to share and fig into those feelings with someone else, largely bc I hadn’t even fully unpacked it myself”

+ If you ever want to feel better, put on some eyebrows and some chapstick. And drink your water. It’ll make you feel like a functional and presentable person again”

“I just feel like my life is changing as I know it.”

Things are always changing and time is always passing. The more you mimize your focus into that the more you’ll go mad. Stop fighting it - and dance along with it.

5.21.21

“God meets you where you meet yourself”

“Is that what you think that’s all i want you to be? Not g?”

“I will always be g. Unless you look like I ain’t looking at you”

5.22.21

+ Caden’s 1st Haircut he’s so cute and so smart and so kind and so cuddly! UGH

+ Laughs with Ate Lee in the car (Idk how to make a fire)

+ Invited to Dan Lalican’s wedding (I know, random right? Lmao)

+ It’s so weird to think that one day I will look back on this time - law school application stress, LSAT, taking care of Caden, being jobless —- as something of the past. That instead of being the “now” and the present moment, it will one day be another “past era” in my life that I’ll be able to look back on. I realize that so much more these days. Like whenever I hear “Rain on Me” or the “positions album”. the more I hear music from Summer or Fall 2020. That. Despite all the hardships and sadness and feelings of loss I felt from so many things in that time- there was still a life I lived and still so much good I had.

It’s always so weird to me how you can’t fully reflect on a time period until it’s passed. Until it’s gone. And so idk why that always makes me feel bittersweet. It freaks me out and makes me sentimental all at the same time and often I never really know how to process it. Lol

I wonder if there will ever be a time when I’m better at processing how fast time changes and how flexible life can be.

But I guess maybe that should make me feel excited? That the more things change, the more things will remain fresh and exciting.

Idk.

I just hope that in 5 years I’ll be able to look back on this time with a big swollen heart; filled with gratitude and excitement.

We hope LOL

5.23.21

People make decisions based on their experiences of you. And if their experience of you is that you’re late and you make last minute decisions, then you shouldn’t be mad at that.

“I’ve always been my most confident self when I talk about the Lord

the power of speaking to someone so rooted in the Lord

Snapped me out of my funk. The realization that: in it praying

I’m where I’m meant to be - and that as long as I’m doing it with the Lord it’s good

“You sound like you’ve really grown and are at peace with that. That’s beautiful.”

5.24.21

+ My dump truck fattie booty while sitting on the bench at the gym #BlueNikeShorts #WhiteWoodlandsBoxers

+ My sexy as progress and how toned and tan and good my body looks; we making it baybeee!

+ Felt incredibly confident 10/10 physical appearance wise (clear smooth skin, no terrible flare ups and looked so effing toned today)

+ Feel antsy about LSAT and future

+ Looking forward to wedding fun this Friday but also getting nervous at how Much I have to make room for it and prep during this week - WHICH takes away study time 😭

5.25.21

Time passes. And you’ll have lots to reminisce on (luckily). But it doesn’t mean you have to be sad. SMF throwbacks and talking w Reena. — You’re allowed to be as joyful and excited and full of humor and light, no matter how slow things are going on. You don’t have to guilt yourself into feeling a certain way. Time passes. And you are allowed to dance and to Move freely along with it.

What a gift it is to see things progress as they are meant to. What a gift it is to remember unique seasons and to embrace every fruit that those times gave us. What a gift it is to experience change.

Sometimes these days I have a hard time embracing what’s supposed to be “permanent”. And I guess... it’s weird. It feels like time passes so slowly and so fast at the same time. And I feel like hitting everything down because I always want to be able to remember every moment, ever sensation, and every feeling. Even if it’ll pass. And these days i I guess I just didn’t expect things would change so drastically.. but I guess that gives me hope. I guess if I take a quick glimpse at all of my favorite things - if I look at X-Men comics, Britney Spears albums, I guess things have to change. And the beauty of every single change came with the fact that every change made way forward something new. Something fresh, unfamiliar, and exciting, Not change, but progress. And I want to remember that progress is where new treasures are found. Progress brings valleys, it brings highs and lows, and it brings the unforeseeable. But I guess that’s what makes an interesting Song. And I guess - if you compare the open dessert with the Gand Canyon, you’d be far more amazed and enchanted by the Canyon. In all its varying heights and inconsistencies and unique/fine details. From a grander point of view , I guess that’s what makes something beautiful. Not necessity details of repetition and predictability. But in the larger picture of a grand image.

You are allowed to feel old anxieties and old pain. Don’t let your pride be the one to repress your feelings and make you feel small and go unheard. Sit with your insecurities. Allow them to tell you your fears. Finally, learn to walk with them, allowing them to leave as they please.

Inspired by my feelings of not wanting to force myself to go along with a certain feeling I’ve had from before, I removed Kyle, Tammi, and Randy from my IG close friends. I don’t know why it feels like such a big deal (when these friends don’t hold a necessarily CLOSE CLOSEE place. Idk. I guess I just want to stop justifying certain things that I do when I feel that it doesn’t give back to me).

5.26.21

My face looks so much better with facial hair. Like my features really POP and look symmetrical when my hair is grown out

+ Talking to loads of friends today on FT - Josh, Reena, Calvin, etc

Made the realization that ... I’ve had the tendency of withdrawing from friends and catching up with them in this pandemic era. Not only bc I don’t have money LOL, but bc Im never excited to talk about myself when we inevitably catch up. I hate telling the same story I’ve been telling since 2018, and I especially don’t want to confront the issue that .. I’ve been happier. That I’m not my best, and that I’m not the most hopeful rn. And that the place that I’m in is one of being tired all the time, being afraid all the time, feeling like I’m not measuring up or doing anything right. And feeling left to wonder if all my most memorable moments are behind me.

And so whenever Im going through periods like that I tend to withdraw bc I don’t want to lie and pretend that everything is good. I guess that so much of my identity is being a happy and energetic version of me, so much of what I’m known for (and feel valued for) is being that. And so when it comes to being anything BUT that, it makes me take a step back. And..... I don’t want to be sad Judsy, I don’t want to be helpless, hopeless, and God-less Judsy. I don’t know how to be that person with my friends. I don’t know that person.

And... I mean I guess technically I know that person. I know that person very well, in the comfort of my own journals and in my own secure thoughts of reflection. but I don’t know how to be that person in the presence of others. And so I guess that’s something I’m working on and building off of. Recognizing that it’s ok not to be this bright & bubbly caricature all the time. And that my real friends value who I am when I’m not funny.

Appreciate Josh, Calvin, Reena, and all my friends who remind me what it feels like to feel seen and to be wanted. and that it’s ok to laugh Life off and keep going..

5.31.21

could care less about katey and kyles engagement (lol oops)

Caden’s sweet demeanor and how he looks concerned and presses his tiny face against ours whenever we pretend to faint :’) LOL

Seeing Devera again and remembering how genuinely funny and a joy it is to laugh with him

Raffy and PDP

Seeing Caden w Liana

Kinda bummed that G didn’t text us when rolling :’/ LMFAOO oh wellz. Humble reality checks I suppose. (Maybe we really not should be relying on certain people or circumstances to fulfill us. Rather, to allow life to change and bend and to allow whatever THAT looks like to fulfill you? And to trust in that.

Siana’s Legacy:

Artists using the “90s Dance” trend after acclaimed 2019 album “Uncharted”

“Honeymoon Fades” Era Singles

“Honeymoon Fades” (released November 6, 2020)

“Baby” (video December 11, 2020)

My Head & My Heart (released February 20, 2021)

“Not Siana giving us 2018 and 2019 vibes from all these haircuts”

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doingthedirtydishes · 1 year

Text

The greatest gift I ever received: Beaten, left for dead: Found under an inner-city train.

All throughout history humans have lived, laughed and learned through narrative and story. As I speak of my accident for the first time publicly, one parable especially comes to mind, speaking volumes: Sower and the seed. The point of the story is not the sower or even the seed. It is the soil that we need be most concerned. Without proper conditions (self-nutrients) present in the soil, the seed (you) will not thrive and grow, thus deteriorating into decline, meeting its death.

As it is with human trauma, without the proper nutrients of love, care, compassion, profound self-understanding and forgiveness, one cannot hope to recover or heal their self. Just as the fate of the seed is determined by what soil it falls, so too does your recovery. If it falls on rocky ground, it will not receive proper nourishment and cease living. If placed within the right conditions, it will flourish and grow into a healthy human, delivering light to a world in such dire need.

Just in from the competitive city winter winds, I sat down to relax, take a breather. Life was good, or at least so I thought. I had recently founded a financial company in Philadelphia with a silent partner. And it was growing quickly beyond our means. We could not locate office space or hire employees fast enough to accommodate our rapid expansive growth; sales were breaking new records each month. The 2008 financial crisis was in full swing and we were well positioned to assist homeowners in trouble, those in need of loss mitigation or negotiation.

It was Christmas season and so I decided to take one of my employees, a Peruvian Spanish translator, out for a thank you meal. We had a splendid dinner at an Irish pub, replete with Guinness and Irish fiddle. Shortly thereafter, an old friend phoned me to join her and visiting friends at her favorite corner watering hole for holiday cheer and to celebrate my newly found entrepreneurial success at a different neighborhood in the city, a short distance away. I was due back in New Jersey to meet an old friend, Dominic. That meeting would never take place.

Having had my fair share of holiday beverages, I decided it was safer to be driven home. I was feeling quite good; it was a time of revelry. Business was booming and it was celebration time. My motto in life was always let the good times roll: Carpe Diem, even if pot-valor. Safety was not always at the front of the list. At eleven-forty or so in the evening, the night ended and we exited to the street to hail a taxi – unaware the fate that awaited me only moments away.

After sitting in the backseat of the taxi, exchanging pleasantries with old and new found friends alike, and telling the driver to take me to New Jersey, life as I knew it would forever be altered. Something terribly wrong occurred at this time. Five hours later I would awaken on a gurney, in a cold dark hallway, with a priest at my side. Father, I stated, in desperation, “Am I dead – am I in a morgue?” “No, my son, you have been in a tragic accident,” he said. Those words are forever indelibly etched into my memory.

Nothing could have prepared me for that moment. It was the first time in my life when I knew I was all alone (or, at least I thought); there was no phone call to be made, no one person that could help resolve this emergency. After ten seconds of pity, while lying there with the priest at my side, unable to feel my body below my neck, a small voice came to me and said: “Yes, Steven, it is bad. You have been in a very tragic accident. It will be difficult, it will be almost insurmountable, but, [with my guidance] you will be ok. You will walk again and go on to help others in great ways.” Immediately the pain subsided, a feeling of peace and calm unfolded, leaving me in trance state, a deep peace of mind.

From that moment I never looked back, never had pity for myself or situation again. I was determined to overcome this devastating tragedy with a fortitude I have to this day, without a clue from where it came.

Immediately, my attention turned to being positive, determined that this would not beat me, that I would walk again. The priest continued on with his prescribed religious rant but I asked rather that he focus on the solution. He was not happy with that request and ran off, never to return. Could I survive this trauma? Would I get see my friends and family again? There were so many unknowns – it was mentally devastating as these concerns raced through my mind.

However, not wallowing in self-pity, it was hard not to be overcome with emotion. Would my business survive; who would now run my company; would I ever be able to have sex again – marriage or babies; would my legs repair themselves– would I ever camp or hike in the woods again; how would my bills get paid – would there be enough money? I would not realize it as this time, but the accident would turn out to be my biggest gift of my life: a second chance.

Thought most of my memory from the time I stepped into the taxi until I woke up in the Jefferson Health trauma center was erased – a result of activation of the fight-or-flight reptilian response of the brain. As a psychological built-in defense mechanism of the body, the part of the brain that involves memory is often shut off in a trauma. But, through proper investigation, and the help of a prestigious city law firm, additional information on events that occurred that fateful night came to light.

Upon investigation, it was determined I was a ghost, unseen on any camera for an eight block surrounding area. My taxi was just off view from the restaurant cameras. I stepped out of the recorded area by only a few feet but it was enough to obscure which taxi I got into. Somehow I ended up about four blocks away, beaten and left for dead in a city alleyway. We know this due to cellular records and triangulation. Two phone calls were made to two close friends for help. No one answered. It was 03:30 at this time – quite late to answer a call from a wild friend.

Upon entry to the trauma center, as doctors and surgeons conferred for what seemed like years, eventually a consensus was reached. Apparently I was struck with a large, long heavy object; most likely metal. They determined this by the width and length of the strike welt marks on my back, in three places. The strikes inflicted on me were intended to kill. The 45 angle blow to my neck caused six vertebrae to explode like hot popcorn kernels, causing bones to touch my spinal cord, resulting in quadriplegia: paralysis in all four limbs. But trauma can cause the body to react in unimaginable ways in order to survive, or find safety.

There is some small memory of me waking up in the alley late that night but it is hard to say what is real and what is imagined – what parts the brain is filling in to make sense of or to complete a narrative, unclear as to where the story left off and the surreal dream I awoke to began. However, I do remember being on all fours, in severe pain, fully aware I was in deep trouble, realizing I was experiencing a serious trauma – that shit had hit the fan. It is unclear how I made it to the train station, whether by crawling or walking with adrenaline. A body under severe trauma, induced with adrenaline, can do accomplish extraordinary feats.

Forty minutes later I appeared on close circuit cameras entering the train station. I remember in all the malaise, as if stamped into me as a soldier: find a way to safety. Of course through retrospect, after knowing what I know now, trying best to remove any bias, that would only make sense to get back to a place of safety, my home – via the train. In my confused state of being I figured I could get home, sleep, and then seek medical care. I was gravely mistaken.

Most of my time at the train station was a blur, as are most memories from that night. Unclear how I arrived to the station but once there, I do recollect some actions but mostly only thinking I must get home, I must get home. After a short while, the adrenaline wore off and the pain set in – pain that no words can fully encompass. It felt as if a torch had been lit at the bottom of my spine. To say that it felt as if I had been electrocuted by high-tension wires with untold inexhaustible fire inside my lungs would be an understatement.

For the last nine years I have thought about what could have lead up this trauma. There are three possibilities I and others close to me have considered: 1. there was an argument with the taxi driver that lead to a physical altercation in the streets; 2. an argument with the taxi driver ensued, resulting in me exiting the taxi and then meeting my fate in the rough city back alley; or 3. I exited the taxi without paying, walking off, he pursued me and hit me from me behind, then dragged me down an alley to finish off the job. I believe it could be the first but I am unsure.

I could immediately feel pain throughout every part of my body, causing bouts of blurred vision and physical blackouts. After what seemed like a year, a train finally arrived to the station, and someone was trying to help me, but I was in too much pain. As I was rocking by body back and forth in the platform chair, a result of reeling pain, suddenly the adrenaline wore off. After a few minutes, I stood up to look down the tracks for any incoming train. Not stepping past the safety bumps at platform’s edge, with no train in sight I leaned back up against a support pillar – and then, like a tree in the forest, I fell seven feet below onto the tracks. We know these details to be accurate as witnessed on various train station security camera recordings.

I do remember feeling a hard thud against my body. Not realizing where I was or the true imminent danger that lay before me, I was unaware the life altering changes about to drastically unfold. Without total recall of the event, I do however remember looking down the tracks and seeing headlights coming straight at me. The train I was waiting for would arrive 2 minutes and 17 seconds later. At that moment, I felt a gust of wind, my body rolling – then, all went black.

There I lay, in direct collision with a moving train. And it was the express, to boot. The train would not stop for me; it hadn’t sufficient time. The driver later swore he ran over a boy. Left for dead until the third rail electricity was turned off, waiting for the city coroner to arrive with a body bag, a group of fire, police and medics stood, chatting and drinking coffee. Late it came to light, after twenty minutes or so, a policeman who had just returned from war, figured he had seen much worse on the battlefields of Afghanistan and would see if by some chance I had survived.

He jumped down onto the track area, pulling himself under the train cars by sheer arm and hand strength, until he came to my body. Locating my arm, he felt a pulse, and called for me to be boarded my medics. I later heard that a cheer went up from the bystanders observing the scene when they heard the news come across the radio that I may have survived. More than one spray of coffee must have hit the wall of the station when that update was heard. The train engineer had already been taken for psychological evaluation. He later found out through a policeman friend that I had survived.

Thank goodness one of the best trauma centers on the East Coast was only a four city-block free-ride away. Within minutes they had me on a stretcher and in the back of the ambulance. I do recall briefly being in one, sirens wailing – but unsure really if it was a dream or real. My mother told me I spoke of the emergency ride while in the trauma unit. Many things said at the time of a trauma are only to be forgotten later, a by-product of morphine and other drugs, plus the leftover effects of a full night of partying.

The doctors and all supporting medical staff at Jefferson Health were a godsend, making my stay there as comfortable and accommodating as possible. My time in the ICU, where I would spend Christmas, was brightened by one of my four full-time nurses, Mark, a musician who one evening entered my room playing Christmas carols on his violin. I cried. My team of doctors, five in total, seemed concerned for my care as if one of their own children – it was heartfelt, and made all the difference while spending your holidays all alone in an ICU unit.

As fate would have it, my surgeon was not only a world class doctor but also a gentleman of pragmatic healing, forever interested in what new crazy treatments I was considering or using to recover – so he could then share for the mutual benefit of other patients within his care. It was his level of compassion and concern for the well-being and recovery of his patients that help keep my inner fire lit. 90% of recovery and healing in psychological; and he absolutely was critical in that process by not giving me %s or probabilities of walking, or any level of recovery, resulting in never making it to the finish line before ever having had a chance to start the race.

After my extended stay at Jefferson I was farmed out to a nursing home for six weeks so my bones could heal; required in order to gain entry into a rehabilitation hospital. After healing my bones enough to place fifty-percent weight on each leg, multiple physical tests and an in-person interview, I was accepted into and transferred to Magee Rehabilitation Hospital in Philadelphia. A top institution when it comes to brain and spinal cord injuries, of which I am hugely grateful.

Now a part of the same hospital system, Jefferson Health, but at the time the only independent hospital left in the country, Magee is one of the top rehab hospitals in the country. Their motto: The road back begins here. My team there certainly provided me the right conditions to do so. My head therapist, Elizabeth Watson DPT, was the lynchpin; bridging my off-the-wall healing methodologies, such as cold-laser treatment and other cutting-edge electromagnetic type treatments, with her education and experience helping others recover and heal. Carol Owens, the manager, deserves a medal of honor for putting up with my irascible personality.

My recovery and any true healing, I was aware, would only occur if the right conditions were present. As with the seed and the soil – if the soil is not properly nourished and watered, the seed would die, regardless. A close friend, Danny, a MD, visited me while in the hospital and told me: “Steven, I know this might sound strange but you need to learn to love yourself again, kind of like making love to your mind and body.” Yes, it sounded very strange to me but deep inside it resonated with my soul, my higher-inner-self. He clearly understood my confusion.

Prior to the accident, saying I was capable of understanding or providing self-love through compassion and forgiveness for myself, would be the moral equivalent of betting it all on the shortest guy on your basketball team to dunk – simply not possible. It was very hard for me to accept help from others, in every capacity. I was a bit of a pissant, overly critical of self and others. It was only by choosing the road less traveled, the journey of a thousand miles, enduring endless mental toil and torment, which resulted in a brutal physical recovery and veracious healing, that I was able to find compassion of self, of which without, there would never have been any lasting hope for inner-peace, empathy or therapeutic sympathetic amelioration.

It all begins with having compassion for yourself, and the circumstances in which you find yourself. It includes the highest form of forgiveness – true unconditional forgiveness, not only of self but others too. Forgiving others is not for their benefit, it is yours – it allows you to find peace of mind to sleep well at night. Recovery would require a seemingly boundless list of requirements in order to fructify. But without the right conditions present, you, the seed, will not grow and flourish in to a healthy plant, capable of bringing goodness and light to the world.

Without deeper inner forgiveness and unplumbed self-love nourishment I would not have found the wherewithal to write my book, Unbreakable Mind, as a give-back to the community, my way of paying it forward – helping others who face struggle in life. It was through ‘Doing the Dirty Dishes’ of life, facing one’s greatest challenges head-on, overcoming one’s fears and adversity, that provided the proper soil in which to heal. I figured if a train did not kill me, there must be a reason for my existence. Without that self-ethos support system in place, providing me a solid foundation, and through fathomless self-compassion and forgiveness, overcoming past errors and regrets, my rocket would not have made it off the launch pad, self-immolating into a pyre of worthless self ashes.

In our lives, we cannot choose where the seed falls, which is the result of intense fortitude and courage: one’s inability to become a victim of life. However, we can provide it the best environment in which we find it in order to allow it to grow into a survivor. Just as you would water and provide sunlight to a plant, you must also do the same for yourself, nourishing your body and soul like photosynthesis. Self determination and commitment are the cornerstones of any successful journey. At the end of the day, the choice is ours whether to become a withering weed or grow into a mature human capable of assisting others on their self-journey of healing.

Quote of the day: “Circumstances don’t make the man, they only reveal him to himself.” — Epictetus

Travel Blog: Click here.

Spiritual Blog: Click here.

Book: Unbreakable Mind. (Print, Kindle, Audio)

Doing The Dirty Dishes Podcast: Watch or listen to episodes and subscribe: Spotify, Apple Podcast, Buzzsprout. Also available on Google Podcast, iHeart, Tunein, Amazon Alexa and Stitcher.

Doing The Dirty Dishes YouTube channel – watch and subscribe.

Social Media links: Twitter, Instagram and Linkedin.

Travel Blog links: Covid-19 stranded in NYC JFK and Maine – also travel stories on Ireland, Spain, Sweden, Belgium, Iceland, Colombia (Espanol version), Amsterdam, Germany, New Hampshire, TN and NYC.

Personal Website link where you can also find my book, photos of my travels and updates on current projects.

Thank you for your love and support.

#steven quigley #steven quigley writer #steven quigley blogger #stevenquigleyauthor #doingthedirtydishespodcast #stevenquigley #unbreakable mind #unbreakable mind book #unbreakablemindbook #unbreakablemind #doingthedirtydishes.com #doingthedirtydishesspiritual #doingthedirtydishestravel #doingthedirtydishes

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illicitlimerence-writes · 3 years

Text

close friends | t. holland

pairing: tom holland x fem!reader word count: 3.1k warnings: some language, some angst if u squint. otherwise it's just fluff and tom being tom. didn't proofread this. a/n: so tumblr decided to be a little bitch and deleted this t w i c e. so i had to write this t h r e e times. this came up in my head after i got like three notifications that tom posted something on his ig story, and then it turned out he deleted them. as always, english isn't my first language so i'm sorry if this gets confusing bye. also, i was listening to cardigan by taylor swift as i wrote this.

my masterlist

so we all know tom sucks at instagram. that's a surprise to literally no one. no matter how many times you tried to teach him he still doesn't get it, and it was only a matter of time before he finally posted something he shouldn't have.

it was just one of those days, you missed him like hell. he was away filming the third spiderman, and you had to stay behind because of work.

naturally, you relied on face time and texts to survive and fill the void he left behind. you loved talking to him, listening as he rambled on and on about his adventures on set. a love-struck look on your face as you tried your hardest to stay awake despite the urge to close your eyes.

eventually, sleep took over you, and you drifted off with the sound of his voice lulling you to sleep. he stopped talking abruptly when he didn't hear your soft chuckling in reply to the story he was telling.

instead, he saw your sleeping figure, long steady breaths moving your chest up and down. and he cursed himself for making you stay up so late for him. he took one last look at you, taking a screenshot of your sleeping form.

he quickly hung up the video call and opened instagram instead, uploading the screenshot to his story,

'missing my favorite girl, thank you so much for everything you do for me. x @yourusername'

the next morning you woke up to the sound of your phone buzzing. at first, thought someone had died as one notification after another filled your screen. most of them came from instagram, so you opened that app first.

thousands upon thousands of mentions, tags and new followers. you frowned, and suddenly a text from your friend popped up at the top of your screen.

'omg just saw his story. so happy for u both'

who's story? what was going on?

you refreshed your timeline, and tom's icon appeared, a colorful circle around it. an odd feeling sank in your stomach. you tapped his icon and suddenly your screen was full of... you.

a picture of you, sleeping. tom's smiling form in a small rectangle on the bottom right corner.

oh god. you read the words he wrote, over and over again. your heart pounding in your chest, and a sudden wave of fear ran through your body. but then you read his words once more, and all you could feel was love. pure, unconditional affection.

sure, your families and closest friends knew about you, but you hadn't talked about making your relationship public yet, but there was nothing you could do now.

you sighed, leaning back on your pillows. a small chuckle left your throat.

you grabbed your phone once again, quickly facetiming tom. you knew he had an early call today, and you hoped you could catch him while he was still in his hotel.

it ran once, twice, and then you saw him, hair all over the place, bare chest. hands rubbing sleep off of his face.

"mornin', darling." he said, his raspy morning voice making you smile.

"hi, baby. did i wake you?" you asked, sitting up and crossing your legs.

"yeah but it's fine, princess. i did keep you up last night so it's only fair."

"i'm sorry about falling asleep on you, that was a really nice picture you took last night," you lifted one eyebrow, and watched as he smiled at you sheepishly.

"i thought you looked really pretty, you always look pretty," he said, grabbing the water bottle on his nightstand and taking a swing.

"thanks, i hope the whole world thinks so, too," you declared. leaning your chin on your fist, watching him expectantly.

he did not react like you had expected him to.

his breath hitched as he sipped his water, and suddenly all you could see was the cream-colored ceiling, as you heard him spitting out and coughing.

"tom! oh, my god! are you okay?" you asked, getting on your knees and holding your phone up to your face, "tommy?" you repeated when he finally stopped coughing, you could now hear his heavy breaths.

at last, you saw his curls appear from the bottom of the screen.

"wh-what did you just say?" his voice was rough, his chest heaving.

"are you okay?" you asked again.

"ye-yeah i'm fine. babe, what did you mean by 'the whole world'? did something happen?" he asked, frowning. you echoed his expression, watching him for a second.

“you posted a picture to your story,” you repeated, and he nodded.

“yeah, i posted it to my close friends, i-” he stopped mid-sentence, eyes growing comically wide. “oh shit, did i-” he caught himself off as he threw the phone to one side, you heard him fumbling around for his laptop and you snorted. “shit, baby, don’t tell me i posted it… fuck!” you couldn’t keep it in any longer, you broke out laughing.

“of course this is how the world finds out about us!” you continued giggling until your stomach hurt.

“fuck, princess i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to, i swear i- why are you laughing!?”

“tommy, tommy! it’s okay, baby, don’t worry. i’m not mad,” you stopped once you noticed his pouting. “it’s fine, my love, i don’t mind. sure it’s unexpected, and a little sudden but i wouldn’t have it any other way. i knew what i was getting into when we started dating,” you told him honestly, wishing you were there to give him a hug and kiss him all over.

“darling, i’m really, really sorry. i swear i thought i tapped the green button like you told me to” he continued his sulking, nervous eyes glancing back and forth from his laptop screen to you.

“i know, baby, i know this is not your forte, and i really appreciate the sweet gesture, honestly. i love you so much,” you told him as you bit your lip. folding your legs to your chest, wrapping one around them.

“god, i love you. i swear i’ll make it up to you,” he ran his hand through his hair, giving you a quick peek of his bare chest.

“i’ll hold you to it,” you chuckled, you glanced to the clock on your nightstand, sighing when you saw the time. “i’ve gotta go,” you said as you stood up and stretched. a wicked idea ran through you head. “i’ve got like five meetings today, so i’ll probably be busy most of the day. just in case i don’t reply or something,” you made up you lie quickly. grabbing your laptop and opening a new tab.

“oh, okay. i’ll be on set until like 1 am, so we’ll talk tomorrow?” he asked, eyes bright. you nodded, biting your lip.

“definitely. i love you,” you blew him a kiss. he smiled, and you felt your heart swelling.

“i love you, too. good luck today!” he said as you reluctantly hung up the call.

you immediately got to work, calling your assistant and telling her you were taking a few personal weeks, and to email you in case of emergencies. next, you texted harry, asking him to call you once tom was busy on set.

you waited for the page to load, and once you had bought your one-way ticket to atlanta you hurriedly threw some pre-planned outfits into two suitcases, just in case. your phone rang and harry’s face popped up on your screen. you quickly answered the call, and let him know of your out-of-the-blue plan. he agreed to meet you at the airport and drive you to set. and because of your recent and sudden rise to fame, he suggested you wear all black and a cap. you followed his advice, throwing on some sunglasses as well, as you had seen tom do many times before.

once you reached the airport and checked-in, you bought some coffee and breakfast, as well as some food for the flight. you opened instagram, seeing all the messages and comments. you had seen how the fans reacted when their favorite celebrities announced a relationship, and you knew to expect the meanest comments, and even death threats. for your own sake and peace of mind, you allowed yourself to scroll until you read three of those, and closed the app.

once the plane took off, you tried to catch some sleep, preparing for the inevitable jet lag, but your mind kept buzzing from one scenario to another. so you took out your book and tried to read some chapters, putting in your earbuds, music playing quietly.

when you finally, finally landed, you stretched your legs and grabbed your bags, putting on the cap and sunglasses again, you spotted a familiar head of wild curls. you quickly approached harry.

“what happened to all black and a cap to go unnoticed?” you asked as he took one of your bags in his hands.

“think about it, two kids wearing black, a cap and sunglasses? people would think we’re up to no good.” he gave you a tight hug, you’d missed him almost as much as you’d missed tom.

he caught you up on everything he and tom had been doing these past months, you shifted in your seat in excitement, the sleep that was slowly taking over you on the plane had now disappeared from your body.

in what was probably a 15 -but to you felt like five- minute drive, you got to the hotel to leave your bags and take a quick shower. harry left you alone in tom’s room, making his way to his own room next door. he said he’d order something for you to eat whilst you got ready to see tom.

you took the quickest shower ever known to humankind, and when you walked out of the bathroom after using tom’s shampoo and conditioner, -you’d missed his smell all over you. the few forgotten hoodies and shirts that were once drenched in the smell of his soap and cologne, were now very faint.- you wrapped a bathrobe around your body, rummaging through tom’s clothes until you found one of his shirts.

you pulled it close to your face, sighing at the familiar scent you’d missed so much. you got dressed quickly, grabbing your now fully-charged phone and the key to tom’s room that harry had left on a coffee table. you knocked on harry’s door and he let you in.

“i just texted tom, he says they’ve got like three hours left.” you sat next to him on the couch, the table in front of you filled with food waiting to be devoured.

“my poor baby, they overwork him,” you pouted, reaching for one of the plates.

“it was his idea, said he’ll do anything that helps finish filming sooner.” you stopped chewing your food.

“wait, really?” you asked in disbelief, you knew tom loved his job, and you found it odd that he wanted to cut his time on set short.

“yeah, it’s been rough for him. not having you around, i mean, after he spent months with you. he’s been pretty distracted lately. messing up lines, he’s been waking up late and missing early calls...” your heart sank at the words. you ate the rest of your food with a knot in your stomach, cursing yourself for not getting there sooner. soon enough, you were back in the car, your leg bouncing up and down. you fell asleep on your way to set, waking up when harry parked the car and nudged your shoulder.

you stepped out carefully, your head turning back every few steps you took, in fear that tom might catch you. once you reached the stage where tom was filming, you flashed the visitor badge harry had given you to the guard and he let you both in. you walked in as you leaned down, your forehead against harry’s back, shielding you from the curious stares. harry told you to hide behind a giant box where they kept some lights whilst he spoke to the director.

although the box was big and tall enough to cover you completely, you crouched down, straining your ears for nearing footsteps. you heard two sets of feet approaching, your heartbeat racing.

you were met with your accomplice, a friendly-looking man behind him. you stood up as they approached you.

“this the girl?” the man asked, and harry nodded, “nice to meetcha, i’m jon.” you shook his hand, “okay, so we’ve cleared tom’s schedule for one week, we’ll need him back fully recharged and ready to work like it’s his first day on set, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like, if it means he’ll work better if you’re here you can stay until we're done. i really don’t mind, i just need my guy back.” you blinked at his words, nodding slowly. “we’ve got a couple hours left tonight, i’m all up for some cheesy reunion, but it’ll have to be when we’re finished, i can barely keep him focused as it is.”

with that he left, and harry led you to tom’s trailer, where you caught some sleep while you waited. like that morning, you woke up to your phone buzzing. you reached for it, sleep leaving your body as you read the text.

‘just finished filming for the night, i’m exhausted. miss u, love you. x.’

all rational thoughts left your head, you opened the door to tom’s trailer and sprinted out of there until you reached the set. your eyes finally, finally met his figure, and tears filled your eyes.

your legs moved on their own accord, you mumbled apologies as you crashed into people, but you didn’t care. tom had his back to you, and even though he wasn’t wearing the spiderman costume, you’d recognize that ass anywhere.

“tom!” you called out, stopping a few feet away from him. you saw him whipping his head around, eyes scanning the sea of people. you made your way up to him, “tommy!” you repeated, and he finally turned around.

his mouth wide opened in disbelief, arms twitching, feet running towards you as you did the same. you crashed into each other, your legs wrapping around him, arms around his neck, fingers curling on his soft hair. his hands running all over your back, your hair. pulling you as close as humanly possible.

whispers of ‘i love you’, ‘god, i missed you’, ‘never leave me again’, and ‘i promise’ were exchanged. you tightened your hold on his hair, pulling back to look at him.

“hi,” you whispered, your nose brushing his.

“hey,” he replied, burying his face on your neck again, pressing small kisses anywhere he could reach. his hands settled on the back of your thighs as he spun you two. you giggled, sniffling as a few tears escaped your eyes.

you could not care less about the people around you, all you could think about was the boy wrapped all over you, your favorite boy. tom led you back to his trailer, where you finally untangled yourself from him. he settled you down and you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him close to you again.

you had been starved of his touch for so long, there was no way you were letting him go anytime soon.

after many kisses, touches, tears, promises and more kisses, you left for the hotel. harry had already left, getting a ride from another cast member to leave you two alone. at that moment you swore you’d make him godfather of your firstborn child.

as you waited for tom to step out of the shower -you would’ve joined him, but three showers in a day seemed kind of excessive-, you laid down on the bed, throwing the covers over your body, tom's scent engulfing you. you breathed in happily. you tapped on your phone, replying to some work emails when you received a text from harry.

‘i believe the ball is in your court. you’re welcome.’

next, you received a picture of you and tom. harry must’ve taken the picture when you and tom were too lost in each other to even notice anyone around you. in the picture, your legs are around tom, bodies pressed closed together, your noses touching as you stare lovingly into each other’s eyes. it was a beautiful picture. and the black and white filter harry had applied to it made it seem like one of those old pictures of wives reuniting with their spouses after the war.

you smiled, heart swelling with emotion as you contemplated your options. you hummed quietly, tapping the instagram logo and waiting for the app to load.

you quickly uploaded the picture harry sent you tagging both him and tom and adding a quick caption before you shut down your phone. you were drifting off to sleep when you felt familiar arms around you.

you leaned into tom’s touch, your back resting against his chest, legs tangling with his as he interlocked his fingers with your own.

“thank you so much for being here, my love. i love you,” tom whispered into your ear, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“i’ll be here whenever you need me. i’ll always come back to you.” you turned around, facing him. you kissed the corner of his lips, and he cupped your cheek, his lips meeting yours in a slow kiss, filled with emotion. your fingers played with his fingers as you moved to straddle his waist. “i love you,” you broke the kiss reluctantly. as much as you both wanted to make love that night, you’d made it your top priority that tom took his time off to rest as much as he could, and that included that first night.

you gave him one last kiss, going back to your previous position. the familiar and comfortable weight of his arms around you, the feeling of his lips on your neck, his chest rising and falling against your back, you couldn’t ask for anything better.

the peaceful environment you had created suddenly burst like a bubble as tom’s phone pinged over and over again. you heard him grunting, arms reluctantly leaving you.

tom chuckled, putting his phone on do-not-disturb and throwing it somewhere on the bed.

“you’re perfect for me, my favorite girl.” you smiled, leaning into his touch as he kissed you all over. sleep quickly taking over both of you.

tom swore his heart stopped when he’d seen the picture you posted. you’d never looked more beautiful than when you were staring up at him, your bottom lip between your teeth. the words you wrote as a caption were the last thing on his brain as he finally succumbed to sleep.

‘i said, “i bet you can’t keep this a secret for five months.” he said, “darling, i won’t make it past three.” @ tomholland2013 it’s been 10 months, who won?’

edit: i just saw henry cavill's ig post and omg what is my life. pls respect celebrities' privacy and relationships.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfic #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfic #marvel #mcu #avengers imagine

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belphies-cuhm-sluht · 3 years

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If you still haven't reached ur 25 requests limit, can I ask for the brothers hanging out with MC at a party when an old flame (of the brothers) approaches them and they get overly comfortable with them but because their old flame is drunk and they don't want to seem rude in front of everyone they tolerate them for most the night until it's time to go home and their old flame insists on the brothers escorting them home, and they feel like they can't say bc they are drunk, so the brothers walk them home and as they walk back to the house of Lamentation they call MC to apologize for the night and let them know nothing happened between them and their old flame when they took them home but MC seems unbothered by it and replies "you don't have to explain yourself to me, after all we're just friends and you're free to do whatever you want." Genuinely unbothered, but the brothers are because they thought they were dating considering they've been on a lot of dates as of recently and expected MC to sound jealous, so they basically tell MC that they are dating and MC is like "you never formally established our relationship, and if you want to be my s/o you're going to have to ask me to my face." How would they handle the situation? I hope it made sense... I know my request is pretty long just to get that out but I hope it okay! Good luck!

I don’t even know what to title this so uhhhh…

Brothers When MC Doesn’t Think They’re Dating but the brothers think they are dating and… we’ll just jump right in alright here we go

These got really long so... under the cut!

Lucifer

He didn’t expect to see them there, it had been so long he barely even remembered them until they came up to him. It had been decades… centuries even since he had seen the person, but when they came up to him he could tell they were visibly drunk. Now, Lucifer was an asshole, sure, but he couldn’t be rude to them, especially when everyone was watching him. He grinned and beared it, even when they were clinging to his arm, he didn’t brush them off. You weren’t around when it was time to leave and he thought that maybe you had just gone to the bathroom or something until his brothers told him that you had left a while ago. All he wanted to do was go back to the house and explain to you what had happened, but of course his ex would practically beg him to walk them home. He made it quick, making sure they got back to where they needed to be before zapping himself back to the House of Lamentation, making his way up to your room and knocking on the door and slowly opening it, seeing that you were already in bed. “That person… they weren’t-” You cut him off, laughing softly as you rolled your eyes at him. “You can do whatever you want, Lucifer. It’s not like we’re a thing.” He was confused, shocked even. The two of you weren’t a thing? “Of course we are.” You pushed yourself off the bed, walking over to him, staring him in the eye as you folded your arms across your chest. “If you really want to be with me, then you’re going to have to say it, not just assume it.” He smirked, grabbing your hands and holding them tightly in his own, his eyes serious as he stared deep into yours.

“Darling, would you, officially, be mine?”

Mammon

Getting you to go to the party was something that he was immensely proud of. He had promised to stay by you the entire time, and he had stayed true to his word. Honestly, he didn’t want you to leave his side at all, he was always worried that your attention would sway from him, so he tried to keep you focused on himself. What he wasn’t expecting was for someone to grab his attention, not just his attention, but they physically grabbed him, pulling him away from you. He wasn’t like Lucifer, and he had his fair share of exes and flings, so it took him a while to remember who exactly they were. Their lingering lips against his neck sent the memory coursing through his brain, and he quickly pulled back with a flushed face. He didn’t want to be rude, but he also didn’t want to upset you. It was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, he didn’t have it in him to actually be rude, so he put up with them, allowing them to drunkenly follow him around the party as he looked for you. “Oi, where ya goin’?” You were already heading out the door, not only that, but you were still smiling. Were you not upset at all that his ex was hanging all over him? That didn’t make any sense. When they asked for him to walk him home, he reluctantly obliged, he still had an image to keep up with the public, but the entire time his mind was on you. As soon as he dropped them off, he started racing back to the house, pulling out his phone to call you. “Y/N. Why’d ya leave early? I swear, they mean nothin’ tah me. Yer the only one for me, ya know that, right?” Of course, that wasn’t the only reason he called, he also wanted to make sure that you made it back to the house in general. He would have hated himself if anything happened to you. But he also needed you to know that there was nothing going on. “Oh… okay? I just went back to study, it was getting late. I didn’t care.” He froze up, his heart sinking a little. “Whadda ya mean ya don’t care? We’re datin’, right?” Please say yes. All he wanted to hear was a simple yes, to validate his own thoughts and his feelings. “Uhm… no? You never said that we were.” You were right, he hadn’t. He didn’t waste any time, quickly sprinting back to the house and barging through your bedroom door and pulling you from your chair into his arms.

“Yer the only one I wanna be with, I want to be with ya all the time… whadda ya say?”

Leviathan

Parties weren’t his thing. Leaving his room wasn’t his thing, and if he had it his way he would just stay in his room all day with you. As life would have it though, Asmo had invited everyone in the house to a giant party the Levi didn’t even know what it was for. He was practically dragged out of the house, and the only reason he even allowed himself to be dragged out was because you were going. You looked amazing and he didn’t want anyone else looking at you, so he kept you close, his arm wrapped around you tightly as he moved you through the crowds, making sure that no one else even touched you. He heard his name, drunkenly called out from across the room and he tried to ignore it, smiling softly down at you, hoping that you weren’t mad at him. Then he felt something, someone, wrap their arms around him, causing you to pull away. “W-Wait, Y/N!” He tried to call out to you, but the music was so loud and you had already walked away. He finally looked down, realizing who the person was immediately and wanting nothing more than to grab you up and run back to the house, but he couldn’t. Lucifer would scold him for being rude, and he really didn’t want to deal with that, so he put up with it, putting on a fake smile all while internally screaming because you weren’t right there next to him. He was already irritated that he had to come out in the first place, you had gone off somewhere and he didn’t even know where you were at this point, and now his ex was asking him to walk them home. Of course, the one person that he’s been with within the last eon would be at the party too. He couldn’t say no though, it would cause an unwanted and unneeded altercation. He made it quick, pulling out his phone before even saying bye to them so he could call you. “Y/N… a-are you mad at me? Did you already go home? Are you alright?” He could barely even get the words out, he was worried and upset with himself for even letting this happen. He should have just stayed home, he should have just kept you there with him. “Why would I be mad, Levi? I’m fine. I’m about to go to bed.” Fine? You were fine? How could you be fine? Were you not even slightly jealous? Sure, you had no reason to be, but he would have been jealous if what had happened to him happened to you. “Well I… I just thought that… since we… you know… we’re… you’re my... “ He heard you laugh on the other line and almost died. “Oh… am I? Are we? You never told me that.” He didn’t know he actually had to tell you, he thought that he showed it enough. The rest of the way home he thought of how he would tell you, his heart racing so fast that it felt like it was going to burst through his chest at any moment. He felt like an idiot, an absolute fool for assuming that the two of you were already dating. He had to set things straight though, he needed you to be his. He walked into your room, his face already burning bright red as he sat on the edge of your bed, too nervous to even look at you as he spoke the words.

“I-I really like you… Y/N… and… I want us to be… t-together….”

Asmodeus

Of course he was going to the party. He didn’t really mind if you went or not, but he wanted you to go so he could show you off. He had been telling all of his friends about you and they all wanted to see you, so when you agreed to go to the party he was beyond excited. “This is going to be SO fun, Y/N! You’re going to love it!” The party itself was honestly just a bunch of people at a club, and you weren’t sure if there was even an occasion for celebrating, but everyone seemed to be having a good time. His hands were on you the entire time, moving his body against yours to the rhythm of the music, and you were pretty sure that this was as close to sex as two people could get in public with their clothes on. The loud squeal rang in your ear from behind him and then you felt the force of someone running at him, pushing the both of you forward as their arms wrapped around him. He didn’t seem fazed by it, he kept his hands on you as he turned around, giving this person his famous Asmo smile as they pushed themselves closer to him, their lips trying so desperately to land on any visible skin which he quickly dodged each and every time. You quickly moved out of his hold and nodded to him. “I’ll be heading home now. Clubs aren’t really my thing. I’ll see you back at the house.” He turned to you, still dodging kisses and politely swatting away their lingering hands. He was trying to find any type of hidden emotion, maybe jealousy, anger, something that would show him that you were possibly upset by the way this other demon was hanging on him. There was nothing, and he assumed that maybe you were just trying to be polite. His eyes followed your form as you moved through the crowds of people, watching as you walked out of the club, walked away from him. At that point he didn’t even want to be there anymore which felt kind of strange to even him. It just wasn’t fun without you there, he felt no need to even be out. What was even more strange was when he actually decided that he wanted to go home, he wanted to be with you. He nodded to his ex, who wasn’t even really an ex, more like a one night stand, trying his best to be polite as he shrugged them off, only to feel them basically tackle him again. They wanted him to walk them home, of course they did, and he was forcing a smile now, quickly leading them out of the club and back to their place. He pulled out his phone, expecting a text from you, but for once, his phone had no notifications at all. He sighed heavily, making his way back to the house to talk to you. This wasn’t a conversation to have on the phone, he needed you to know what had happened, or more like, what hadn’t happened. “Y/N, are you asleep already?” He hoped not, and he let out a breath of relief when he heard your voice from behind the door, quickly opening it and walking in to sit next to you on the bed, smiling proudly when he saw that you were in the process of doing your night time skin treatment. “I know what you’re thinking, but, I promise, pinky promise even, that I did nothing with them.” You looked up at him, laughing quietly before shaking your head. “That’s not what I was thinking at all. I wouldn’t have cared, you do you Asmo.” You went back to rubbing the lotion over your legs, still laughing to yourself, but he didn’t think this was funny at all. He didn’t even know what could have been funny. “Wait. Am I missing something? Did we break up? I don’t remember…” You looked at him, your eyebrows raised and your eyes wide, trying to hold back from laughing even harder. “We were… never together?” His mouth fell open, did you really not know that the two of you were dating? He tried to remember asking you out, but he realized that he never actually did it. He takes a deep breath, finally letting out a small giggle as he places his hand on your thigh, squeezing it lightly.

“We’re together now, Y/N. There we go! That’s better, isn’t it? You have nothing to be worried about. I’m all yours!”

Satan

Why he agreed to go to a party was beyond him. Someone must have asked while he was reading and he only agreed to shut them up, that had to be it, because he wasn’t having a good time, at all. The only thing, the only person really, that was keeping him from leaving already, was you. You seemed to be having a good time, and he liked seeing you happy, it made him happy as well. He was about to make his way across the floor to you, getting slightly antsy when he saw two demons come up to you and start talking, and, even though you didn’t seem scared or even bothered by it, he was. The voice, he knew it, and it made him physically cringe when he heard it, hoping that maybe they’d leave him alone, but he could hear that they were drunk and he knew they were coming right at him. Due to him being the Avatar of Wrath, many would think that he would have just blown them off, not really worrying about public image, but it was quite the contrary. Sure, he was annoyed, irritated, and the paper thin shred of patience that he had in the first place had finally completely disappeared, but he was very good at keeping his composure in situations like this. Plus, they were drunk so it would be useless and a waste of his energy to push them away, they’d just come right back to him. His eyes were trained on you the entire time though, and he wanted you to know that nothing was going on. The last thing he needed was an argument over this, so he pointed to the person before twirling his finger next to his temple, basically signing to you from across the room that they were drunk and crazy. Big brain Satan at work. What he wasn’t expecting was for you to give him a thumbs up, visibly laughing before pointing to your wrist and mouthing to him that you were going home. Why were you leaving? Were you upset? He tried to move away from his ex, but they moved with him and he was getting slightly jittery, wanting to follow you and make sure that you weren’t mad at him. “I have to go now.” He said sternly, but then they asked to be walked home and he couldn’t just say no. Well, he could have, but then he’d seem like a bad person and he didn’t want you to think that he was like that. He made it quick, not wasting a second before pulling out his phone and dialing your number, not even waiting for you to speak before he began talking. “You left early. Are you upset with me? I assure you, there was nothing between them and I. I just had to walk them home.” There was silence from your side for a couple seconds before you responded. “I was tired. I don’t know why you’re explaining yourself to me. It’s not like we’re dating or anything. I gotta go to bed now, see you in the morning.” You hung up the phone and he didn’t even know what to think, he wouldn’t have known what to say if you stayed on the line. He got back to the house, going straight to your room and turning on your lights, not really caring that you were already sleeping or that you seemed pissed at the intrusion. “What did you mean when you said we’re not dating? I thought we were. I took you on those dates to the library and the cafe…” He was honestly so confused. Were you using him? He wouldn’t allow that. You rolled your eyes, letting your head fall back on the pillow, groaning quietly. “You never asked, Satan. Assuming doesn’t count.” You were right… he hadn’t asked, but he wasn’t going to waste another second.

“Y/N, I want you to be with me. My life without you would be like an empty book, all paper and no writing. Do you want to be with me?”

Beelzebub

The game had been won, it called for celebration. He was the star player, of course, so that made him the most sought out person in the room. Everyone was hanging on him, circling around him like bees around their hive, and he wasn’t bothered by it, apparently it was normal. He spotted you in the crowd, trying to shimmy through everyone and make your way to him. He excitedly waved to you, trying to meet you somewhere in the middle so you didn’t get trampled on, you looked so small in the sea of people, but he was so happy to see you, and you were the only person he was looking for. He was almost there, just a few more steps and he’d be able to grab you and hug you, and that only made him more excited as well as impatient. He wasn’t expecting for one of the cheerleaders to jump in front of him, not just that, but jump into his arms as well. He instinctively caught them, but once he realized what was going on he looked back to you. His mouth hung open as his mind went through what you might be thinking, but you only smiled, shaking your head and turning back around. Were you crying? He felt awful, terrible. This isn’t what he wanted at all. He wanted to celebrate his big win with you. “I’m sorry, I need to get back home. I’m pretty tired.” He spoke softly to them, setting them down on the ground, catching them before they could stumble over. Of course they were drunk. He didn’t have the heart to leave them alone, not when they weren’t in the right state of mind, but he also didn’t want you to go back home and assume that he was doing anything behind your back. The cheerleader had been an ex of his, and it only made the entire situation seem even worse in his mind, his thoughts were eating away at him. He needed to get home, but he couldn’t leave his ex there, not when they were drunk, someone might take advantage of them, and no one deserves that. “I’m taking you home, alright?” They didn’t even have to ask, he was going home and so were they, and then he would set things straight with you. He dropped them off, making sure they got into their house before sprinting, literally sprinting, back to the house. He knew he would make it there in a matter of minutes, but he didn’t want you to wait that long, so he grabbed his phone from his pocket and called you. “Hey Beel. How’s the party going?” You seemed so calm, which both made him happy and confused at the same time. He’s glad that you’re not upset but… shouldn’t you be just a little bothered that there was another person in his arms? “I’m actually on my way home right now. I didn’t want to be there if you weren’t there too. I wanted to celebrate with my (boy/girl)friend…” He heard the fridge close on your end and then the sound of a chair scraping across the floor before you started talking. “Oh? Who’s that? Was that the person you were holding?” What? Now he was more confused. Were you joking? He didn’t really think it was funny, it actually made him sad. “No…? You are. Aren’t you?” Silence, the silence was the worst part for him. Why were you hesitating? It was a simple question. Yes or no. “I didn’t know it if I was. You never said anything about it. If that’s what you want, I’d like it if you asked straight to my face though.” He ran through the front door, going straight to where you sat in the kitchen, a big smile on his face as soon as he saw you.

“I’m sorry for not asking, Y/N. Would you like to go out with me?”

Belphegor

The fact that he actually got out of bed to go to a party is wild, but once he got there he dragged you to the comfiest surface and laid his head on your lap and somehow managed to fall asleep, even with all the commotion going on around him. “Belphie, I have to use the bathroom.” Not just that, but your legs were falling asleep and you needed to stretch them for a second. He hesitantly lifted his head from your legs, whining quietly because now he was awake and you were leaving. He watched you make your way to the bathroom, making sure you got there without anyone stopping you or talking to you or even looking at you in general. The seat shifted next to him and he side eyed the person, letting out a disgusted groan when he realized who it was. He scooted over a little, trying to get away from them, but they only scooted closer. When you came back from the bathroom he was about to tell you that he didn’t know that person at all, even though they were touching all over him and saying his name, he didn’t know them. He thought you’d be upset, he sure as hell would have been if he came back and saw that, but you only nodded, smiling to the person and then to him. “Cool, you have company. I’m gonna go dance for a bit.” Hold up… that was… that’s not what he wanted. That was the complete opposite of what he wanted. “No no no no!” You were already too far to hear him, he didn’t like that at all, so he moved across the floor until he reached you, becoming more and more annoyed when the person followed behind him. They were like a leach, and he wanted nothing more than to tell them to get away but he didn’t want to cause a scene, not right now at least. “They won’t leave me alone…” He tried to whisper to you, but you only laughed, shaking your head. “You’re going home? I… I can’t hear you!” He heard you clearly though, and he quickly nodded, grabbing your hand and pulling you toward the exit. He looked behind him, hoping that the person had been left behind and he’d be able to just go home and fall asleep with you. He almost jumped when he saw the person, not only that, but they were really close. Their speech was slurred and their breath smelt of Demonus as they asked him to walk them home. “Fine. Y/N, are you coming?” Please say yes, please say yes. You looked at him as if he was crazy, snorting quietly and shaking your head. “No thank you. I’m not into that.” You went the other direction, walking back towards the House of Lamentation as his ex dragged him down the street. It took him a bit to figure out what you meant, but about a block away from their house it finally hit him. He pulled his hand away from them, groaning even louder now as he pulled out his phone, calling you quickly as he walked faster, wanting nothing more than to get back to you. He heard you pick up, the sound of your breathing in his ear let him know that you were about to speak, but he wouldn’t let you, not before he said what he needed to say. “I just need you to know that I’m not cheating. I would never do that.” He saw their house coming up, practically pushing them towards it as he turned around, waiting for your response. “Oh… Well that’s… it’s not cheating, Belphie. We’re just friends.” He pulled his phone away from his ear for a second, giving himself a second to let what you said sink in. “Uhm, no we’re not. You’re mine, obviously.” “Yeah, no… you can’t just say that over the phone. You’re gonna have to come back and tell me that.” He hung up, making his way back to the house and storming into your room, pulling you out of your bed and dragging you up to the attic.

“You’re mine, Y/N. Only mine… okay?”

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pinoy-culture · 3 years

Photo

Tagalog Gods (Part 2/10)

✦ Diyan Masalanta – Goddess of love, childbirth, and…destruction?

“They had another idol called Dian masalanta, who was the patron of lovers and of generation.”

– Juan de Plasencia’s Relation of the Worship of the Tagalogs, Their Gods, and Their Burials and Superstition (1589)

Original article posted on my blog The Pinay Writer

So there was a question on the Anito: The Precolonial Beliefs, Polytheistic Beliefs, and Practices of the Philippines group I run on FB about the goddess Dayang Masalanta, aka Dian/Diyan Masalanta. The question was, “Does her name really mean “to be destroyed there”? That’s quite the ominous name for a goddess of lovers.”

At first glance, it does seem so. Why would the name of a goddess of love and childbirth be called “to be destroyed there? To be destroyed?” It does seem a bit odd. However, you have to dig deeper into the Tagalog psyche and beliefs to get a grasp of why this possibly is. Now, let me first be clear that this is my own opinion and there is no written record stating the meaning behind the name of this goddess, nor is there anything else mentioned about her besides the small reference in Juan de Plasencia’s Relation of the Worship of the Tagalogs, Their Gods, and Their Burials and Superstition (1589). Sadly this is the case and she isn’t mentioned anywhere else. It could be perhaps, from my guess, that she was a particular anito prayed to by a certain group of Tagalog, but she was not one well known to the entire Tagalog region compared to let’s say Lakapati who is very often mentioned in various historical sources. We will get more into this in a minute.

Now, Dian is Diyang, which means “lady”. Masalanta or Magsalanta is a Tagalog word that means “to be destroyed or devastated“. It comes from the root word, salanta, which in the Noceda and Sanlucar Vocabulario de la lengua Tagala (1754) and the San Buenaventura dictionary (1613) lists the meaning as poor, needy, crippled, and blind.

Generally, masalanta/magsalanta and nasalanta, which means “is destroyed/devastated“, is used when there is a calamity, such as a typhoon and flood. It can also be translated as victimized, damaged, and crippled and basically means someone who has misfortune or will have misfortune.

So, again, why would the goddess of love and childbirth be called Dayang Masalanta, or “Lady of destruction/devastation?”

The word salanta in the Vocabulario de la Lengua Tagala by Noceda and Sanlucar the 1860 edition

Being the goddess of lovers and childbirth, it is quite possible that Dayang Masalanta was prayed to by couples who were not able to conceive a child. This was and still is, considered devastating and could be thought to be caused by angered anito. They may have prayed to her for a child, or a woman may have prayed to her for a safe delivery and a healthy baby. It can also be that she was prayed and honored to prevent bad weather such as a typhoon, along with being the goddess of love and childbirth.

Weather? Where does this come from you may ask? Besides the indication of her name, let’s take a look to the present at a ritual that is said to have survived despite colonization and the church. This ritual that I am talking about is the Obando Fertility Rite in Obando, Bulacan, which was celebrated just recently.

The Obando Fertility Rite is said to predate the arrival of the Spaniards. It is a 3 day festival from May 17-19 that is celebrated every year by hundreds of people and attended by couples coming from throughout the Philippines looking to be blessed with a child and for lovers to find love. It is believed that the ritual was once dedicated to the anito and was replaced by the saints. While the saints and Catholicism have taken over the ritual, there are elements of the older practices still there.

Newspaper clipping from Philippine Daily Inquirer on May 19, 2005

There are 3 saints prayed to and honored during this 3 day festival. May 17 is celebrated to San Pascual Baylon, the patron saint of good fortune. May 18 is dedicated to Santa Clara, the patron saint of the childless and of good weather. May 19 is in celebration of Our Lady of Salambao, the patron saint of farmers and fisherman for a good harvest. Together they are prayed to for fertility, whether it’s of a childless couple hoping for a child, a woman praying for a safe pregnancy, for those who are single to find a lover, and of fisherman and farmers wishing for an abundance of harvest of crops and fish.

One Saint in particular that is prayed to is Santa Clara, or Saint Clare of Assissi. She was a nun from Italy during the 13th century that established the Order of Poor Ladies, officially known as the Order of Saint Clare. In the Obando festival, she is the oldest patron saint and is considered the patron saint of those who are childless and want a child. To her they danced, sang, and offered eggs as symbols of fertility. This fertility dance is said to be the Kasilonawan, an old fertility dance among barren women. Kasilonawan is actually mentioned in the N&S dictionary (1754) as an ancient ceremony, however it doesn’t get into more detail.

The kasilonawan ritual mentioned in the Vocabulario de la Lengua Tagala by Noceda and Sanlucar the 1754 edition as casilonawan in the old Spanish spelling where f is exchanged with s, and v, with w

Now many Pilipinos, especially soon to be wed couples, offer eggs to Santa Clara. They do this not only as offerings of fertility, but also to ask for good weather. It is said she is the the patron saint for good weather because of her name, Clara, which means “clear”. Clara is also the word referring to the white part of the egg. This is mentioned in the entries for the words liwanag and puti in both the SB and N&S dictionaries.

From the Vocabulario de la Lengua Tagala by Noceda and Sanlucar the 1860 edition

“Niyong ako’y magmula sa Kastila y itlog ka pa man din sa tiyan nang ina mo.” = When I arrived from Spain, you were still an egg in your mother’s belly. – (SB 1613)

This idea of eggs representing a fetus and of fertility is why eggs are offered to Santa Clara as a symbolic gesture from women who are having a hard time conceiving in the hopes they will have a child. Together with the ritual dance and chants, they hope to overcome this and be blessed with pregnancy.

Let’s now get back to Dayang Masalanta. We know from Plasencia that she was the goddess of lovers and childbirth. From her name, we have Masalanta referring to destruction/devastation in terms of a natural calamity like a flood. Now, is it possible that one of the anito that the people of Obando once worshiped and prayed to in these fertility rites was none other than Dayang Masalanta? That due to the arrival of Catholicism, the shift from the anito to the saints made the locals refer Dayang Masalanta as Santa Clara?

Both represent childbirth and both have a connection with the weather. Santa Clara being prayed to for clear skies and good weather, while Dayang Masalanta in her name represents a word that foretells misfortune from bad weather and we know she was the goddess of lovers and childbirth. This association of good weather and blessing couples with a child with Santa Clara isn’t practiced anywhere else in the world. In fact the only associations with Santa Clara, aka St. Clare of Assissi, is that she is the patron saint of eye disease, goldsmiths, laundry, and television according to the Catholic Church. So why would the Tagalog associate her with praying for good weather, fertility, and a blessing of a child among childless couples? I explained that they associate the weather because of her name, Clara, but again eggs? What does eggs have to do with praying for good weather? Fertility yes, but I still don’t see the connection between eggs and good weather unless this was because of a something else in the old Tagalog mindset and belief.

There is also the prayer of finding a loving partner if you attend the Obando Fertility Festival. Maybe, just possibly, Dayang Masalanta was once prayed to for love, conception, fortune, and good weather and that she was once the focus of the Obando Fertility Rite among other anito? The other anito which I suspect are Linga, a phallic god, who is often mentioned today to be associated with the rites, and Lakan Pati a fertility deity who was once prayed to for a fertile harvest and also to provide for water for crops. They were also prayed to for an abundance of fish when fishing at sea, according to the Boxer Codex, which again goes along with the Obando Fertility rites of praying for fertility and an abundance harvest of crops and fish.

For me, this is quite the possibility. However, again I must clearly state and emphasize that there is no historical written evidence to connect Dayang Masalanta with the Obando Fertility Rites, Santa Clara, or even her being worshiped for clear, fair weather. One can only assume based on her name, what we know of her from Plasencia, and what we know today of the fertility rites in Obando.

What do you think? Do you think Santa Clara was once Dayang Masalanta? Why else do you think her name is Masalanta when she is the goddess of lovers and childbirth? Let me know, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Illustration Credits from Photoset:

First Illustration (2nd photo): By Kian @morenangmariaclara.

Second Illustration (3rd photo): By Abby @abbydraws

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sergeantsporks · 3 years

Text

Here’s to Friendships That Were Never Real

Teen

Gen

Most of the Guardians enjoy having their memories back Douxie rather wishes he didn't have to remember the worst 18 hours of his life, and all the different kinds of betrayal he endured.

Ao3

When the memories returned, everyone was happy.

Everyone remembered what heroes they were.

They remembered Toby’s sacrifice, Jim’s choice.

They remembered valiant deeds, a harsh battle, a tough time.

They remembered pain, but more importantly, they remembered the victory.

That wasn’t how Douxie remembered it.

Douxie remembered pain and torture. Douxie remembered heartache, and loss. Douxie remembered fear.

But most of all, Douxie remembered betrayal.

Douxie remembered being locked up by the order, expecting his friends to come save him.

Only for them to never arrive.

And of course, that was the practical option. The safe option. That was, of course, the right choice. One wizard for the fate of the world? It was hardly worth it. One life, stacked up against all other lives? Laughable. But still…

Douxie had risked the fate of the world to save them.

Douxie had died to save them.

Apparently, they hadn’t thought he was worth the effort to reciprocate.

And then when he was back?

Was it really any better?

Did anyone even care, did anyone even notice that he’d been hurt? They hadn’t asked if he was okay. Just where Nari was, what Nari had said while she was in his body. Did they even care what had happened to him? No. Sure. World in danger. Find out where Nari was. That was… that was fair, that was logical. It was more important than how he felt.

It still hurt.

Maybe if they’d pulled the knives out of his back, they would have had enough weapons to defeat the order.

Friends never arriving.

Friends leaving.

Charlemagne was Archie’s father. Of course he wouldn’t want to leave him. Of course—Charlemagne was Archie’s family. Of course he’d choose to stay with him.

It was just that Douxie had thought he was family, too.

But apparently not.

He remembered falling from the sky, again, and there was no one to help him. He’d had to save himself. Do it alone.

Alone.

Apparently that was what he was.

He’d thought, maybe, that these people cared about him. He cared about them, he cared so much, he thought his heart might burst. Maybe he’d been projecting his own love back. Maybe he’d thought they cared because he cared. Maybe he’d been reading the situation wrong the whole time.

And now? Now they were all laughing, all hugging, and glad to get their memories back.

Glad that things were back to the way they were.

Douxie slipped away, wandering through the streets of Arcadia. They hadn’t noticed when he was hurting then, and they didn’t notice now.

There had been one person who’d put Douxie above the greater good.

One person who had valued Douxie above his own life.

Maybe the one thing this time travel had fixed.

If the erased events had taught Douxie anything, it was that there was apparently only one person he could trust.

One person who had cared enough about him to make an effort.

Douxie stopped in front of a bookstore, his hands shaking as he opened the lock with magic, like he had a hundred times before. He held his breath as he walked in.

Empty.

Dark.

Abandoned.

What had he been expecting? Douxie’s shoulders sank, and he felt tears start to well up in the corners of his eyes.

“Hisirdoux?”

Douxie whirled around to see him standing there, in all of his armored glory, as grouchy and old as when Douxie had last seen him.

“What are you doing here? I should think you’d be celebrating the return of your memories, as all of your frie—”

Merlin broke off as Douxie stumbled into him, sobbing. The master wizard put one hand on his head, letting him cry into an uncomfortable, metal shoulder. “Oh, Hisirdoux. What has happened to you?”

“I d-don’t want to see them,” he choked, “I thought—but then—and even Archie—I don’t…”

His emotions were a jumbled mess. He wanted to see them—but he didn’t. He loved them, and he hated himself for loving them, hated himself for caring so much about people who didn’t care back, and if he could just stop caring, it would be okay, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop caring, and caring while knowing that they didn’t care made it so much worse.

“Then you don’t have to. I do not know what happened in the time after my demise, but if you wish to stay here with me, you are welcome. Master wizard.”

Merlin waved a hand, and the door to the back sprang open. The cot Douxie had left there was replaced by a bed, and warm lights flickered on.

Douxie shuffled inside. “And—if the others come—”

“If you do not wish to see them, I will not let them in. You have my word.”

Douxie collapsed on the bed, more tired than he thought he’d be. Merlin quietly shut the door, and Douxie flopped backwards, one arm over his eyes. He’d have to face them eventually.

But not tonight.

Xxx

Claire slammed a fist on Merlin’s door. Archie hadn’t wanted to come with—she wasn’t sure why, but the familiar had looked awfully dodgy and guilty about it. “Hey! Open up!”

The door opened just a crack. “Why hello, Miss Nunez. I trust you have a reasonable explanation for why you’re attempting to break down my door at his hour?”

“Where’s Douxie?!”

“Oh, finally noticed he’s missing, have you? He doesn’t want to see you.”

“Doesn’t want to—” Claire sputtered, “Liar! We’re his friends, and we know you have him! Let us see him!”

“As I said, he does not wish to see you. Good day.”

Merlin closed the door.

Claire kicked it down. “What are you doing to him?”

Merlin thumped his staff on the ground. “As of a few moments ago, I believe I was allowing him to sleep in. Perhaps you’ve missed your recommended eight hours, and that is why you seem a touch unreasonable.”

Jim put a hand on Claire’s shoulder. “We’re just… worried about him is all. He left last night, and we haven’t seen him since.”

“Oh, it’s far too late for you to worried about him now. As I said, Hisirdoux does not wish to see you. Kindly exit my shop before I am forced to take action.”

Claire heard a slight creak, and she peered around Merlin to see a door to the back open just a crack, a pair of golden eyes peering out of it.

“Douxie!”

The wizard shuffled out into the open, looking like he’d gotten caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. “Oh. Hey.”

Something about him was off, something about the way he wouldn’t look Claire in the eye. “We… just wanted to check on you. Make sure you were okay.”

He still wouldn’t look at her. “Yeah. I’m fine. You can go.”

Claire hesitated. “Douxie, are you… are you sure? Merlin said—”

“Merlin was right,” Douxie said in a small voice, keeping his master in-between himself and Claire, “I don’t want to see you. Please go.”

Suspicion swept over Claire, and she turned to Merlin. “What are you doing to him? Some kind of control?!”

“I assure you, Lady Claire, I am doing nothing of the sort. Hisirdoux simply does not want to see you. Neither do I, really, so if you would kindly walk out of that door—”

“Liar!” A knife of shadows materialized in Claire’s hand, and she leveled it at Merlin. “Let him go!”

Merlin’s eyes flashed, and his staff started to glow. “Careful, Miss Nunez. You may have learned shadow magic, but I still have centuries of experience on you.”

“We’ll see.”

“Stop!”

Claire and Merlin both stopped glaring at each other to turn to see who’d spoken. Jim shook his head. “Both of you. Quit fighting. Claire, if Douxie says he doesn’t want to see us…”

Claire turned back to Douxie. “But why?” she pleaded, “What’s wrong, Douxie? Did we do something?”

Douxie’s eyes flashed blue, and he slammed his fist down on the table. “What’s wrong?! What’s wrong is that you left me with the order. What’s wrong is that even when they were torturing me, you didn’t come for me. What’s wrong is that you didn’t care about what I went through!”

His eyes were completely blue, and small items were starting to float. Claire took a step back. “…Douxie? I… I’m sorry, we didn’t know—”

Douxie collapsed to his knees with a pulse of blue magic shooting out. It didn’t do much—just gave Claire a headache. “BUT YOU DIDN’T BOTHER FINDING OUT, DID YOU?!”

Glowing blue tears ran down his cheeks.

“You just… didn’t care enough, I guess.”

The maelstrom of blue magic surrounding Douxie was getting wilder and wilder, items swirling around like a tornado.

“You left me.”

“Oh, now you’ve done it,” Merlin muttered as the magic started to spread further and further out from Douxie. “Hisirdoux, wait—”

“Douxie, we’re sorry,” Jim tried.

Another blast of magic shot out of their friend, and this one threw everyone back, including Merlin. “SORRY ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH,” he howled.

The world turned a blinding flash of blue, and when Claire blinked the spots out of her eyes, Douxie was gone.

Xxx

Douxie curled into a ball, in the alley next to Benoit’s. His magic was still fluctuating wildly, making things in the alleyway fly around or light on fire at random.

Sorry isn’t good enough.

How was someone supposed to make up for stabbing you in the back?

How did you just say “sorry” for the way you abandoned someone like that fixed everything?

How could you just FORGIVE someone for not caring enough, for staying willfully ignorant of what you’d gone through?

Because he wanted to forgive them.

But he wanted to stay mad.

He wanted them close again.

But he wanted them to stay away.

He loved them.

He hated them.

He needed them.

He shouldn’t need them.

They’d abandoned him.

They were sorry.

But were they really, actually sorry? Did they actually care, or was he just another item on a checklist—restore memories, check on Douxie, feed the cat.

Something jumped down into the alleyway next to him.

“I know I’m probably the last person you wanted to see,” Archie’s voice said.

Douxie looked up to see his familiar awkwardly pawing at the ground. He turned away.

“You don’t have to forgive me for what I did. I left you. I should have been by your side, I should have been the one to stick with you through thick and thin. And I didn’t.”

Douxie didn’t respond. A glass bottle exploded.

“It was just… when I saw my dad, about to be trapped in the Troll Market, I panicked. I thought “this is it, if I don’t do something now, I’ll lose him forever.” And I made a choice. A bad one. And then in the next hour until Jim reset time… I regretted that choice, Douxie. I spent every second after wishing I was with you instead. That I’d flown out. I would have missed my dad. But in that hour, I found that I would miss you more.” Archie sighed. “I know you’re angry. And you should be. And I don’t deserve your forgiveness—none of us deserve your forgiveness. I made a bad choice, and I… I hurt you. And I can’t fix that. I can’t erase what happened—well, I supposed Jim technically did, but you see my point. I just wanted to let you know that… leaving you was the worst decision of my life. And if you never want to see me again… then that’s what I deserve. I chose to never see you again, and it’s only fair if you want to return the favor. I’m sorry, Douxie.”

Archie turned to go, and for the first time, Douxie reached out and picked him up, hugging him. His familiar tensed, unused to Douxie initiating the contact, but then rubbed against his chest. “I’m sorry, Douxie. I’m so, so, sorry.”

Douxie wiped at his eyes. His magic had finally settled down. “It’s okay.”

“No. It’s not okay what I did. But… I’d be honored if you’d let me stay with you anyway.”

“Always.” Douxie scratched behind Archie’s ears. “But I… I can’t stay here. I need time. To process. And… I can’t keep seeing them. I just… I can’t.”

Archie purred. “The world is much bigger than Arcadia Oaks. We can go anywhere you like, Douxie, you pick where.”

Douxie wrinkled his nose. “Just promise me one thing?”

“Name it.”

“We’re not traveling on any trains.”

#rott #rott spoilers #hi yes i am still angry about how douxie got treated #my writing #claire nuñez #jim lake jr #screw forgiveness let people be angry #toa #douxie #tales of arcadia #toa fanfiction

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