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adreamemporium · 1 month

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My humble opinion about CCXP Mexico panels.

I was there in both stages and… yeah, it wasn’t great.

(First of all, english isn’t my first language so if there’s a mistake at least I hope you all understand what I’m saying lol)

Thunder stage was quite good honestly, the host and the questions were good and the cast were having fun. Ewan was quite comfortable and I saw him more relaxed than in Brazil. The only thing I wish it was different was that the exclusive material was only a bts and not a new trailer.

Omelete stage? Well… I wish I have gone to the Thunder stage before and have a better view for the panel instead of being there. I couldn’t hear anything, the audio wasn’t good and with all the screaming it was almost impossible for me to understand anything. I was behind the cast so I didn’t see their faces either and I couldn’t say if they were uncomfortable or Ewan at least. Their team (managers I think? People from HBO latam too I think) was sitting just behind them and they were smiling so I thought everything was going well. Now that I have seen the interview in YouTube, I’m glad I didn’t understand a damn thing because that was a really cringe interview. The hosts took all the time with their super long questions, even the girl from Brazil asked what I feel it was almost the same as something she asked in December, the comment about Mexican girls wanting to keep Ewan in their homes or whatever the hell that guy said… Maybe the only question I liked was the one about Succession and that was it.

But again, I feel the event in general has a lot of things to fix if they want to continue organizing this here.

First of all, they announced five days before the whole thing they were coming (and tbh I was following the official pages because I suspected there was a chance for them to come and by the time they announced it I was thinking I was wrong) so a lot of people that don’t live here in Mexico City didn’t have enough time or money to come. In that announcement they said their panels were during the last day, Sunday, which was quite strange if you ask me, but all of us that had the chance to go bought a ticket. Two days after this, they announced they were gonna have limited photo ops on Friday, so we were all frustrated because it was a different day than the panels. But okay, some of us bought a second ticket for that day. I’m not gonna lie guys, two or three hours after the announcement they erased the post about the photo ops without saying a damn thing! I was trying to organize that day because of my work so I went back to the post on Instagram (it was a gallery) and their post about the HOTD photo ops announcement was gone! Not a single word, just gone. I kept asking what was happening and they never answered and I wasn’t the only one. They even hide comments asking them to say something, that if it was cancelled it was okay, but we only wanted some clarification to know what was happening because in my case, for example, I was planning the whole day after asking for a special permission to my boss (she is a lovely person so I didn’t have any problem at all thank god). Even the people in the damn place didn’t know anything about those photo ops that were free but limited when I asked them in person on Thursday and, in that moment, I knew it was going to be a mess. The thing is they never answered and since they didn’t say anything, I chose not going on Friday and basically the money I used for that day was thrown away. At the end, I know the photo ops were yesterday and the winners were chosen during a contest or something like that and it was right before the Omelete stage panel.

But talking about the whole event, all the international guests were announced on April, one month before the event and they began promoting this since January I think. Only Giancarlo Esposito was announced mid February, so again, we didn’t know if it was gonna be a good quality event or not and we were suspicious so a lot of us chose to wait and see who were coming. I think the last announcement were Eve, Ewan, Tom and Steve days before the beginning of the event. Also, some of the international guest had normal photo ops, buying ticket and all, but the prices were announced two days before the event… How could it be possible that hours before the beginning of the convention no one knew anything about this? Everyone was buying their tickets hours before the event, guys.

I don’t know, if you ask me, the whole event was messy since the very beginning. I know it was the first CCXP here in Mexico but it could have been better…

Finally, about the HOTD cast I just wanna say that they were quite happy even with this whole mess. Ewan was super nice with the fans he met, Tom too, about Eve and Steve I don’t know if someone saw them, but again, Tom and Ewan were super nice with the fans. I was fortunate to meet them on Friday when I was working in the same place they were shooting press and Ewan was super nice and lovely when we talked (we took a picture 🫰🏻) and every story I have read about fans meeting him is exactly the same: he was kind, attentive and lovely and he asked to almost all of us if we were gonna be at ccxp. During the Thunder stage panel Tom even said, and I’m quoting “I fucking love Mexico” after all of we were screaming at some point lol. Eve was super emotional with the crowd and kept saying “Viva Mexico!”, Steve and Ewan also were quite happy and excited if you ask me. Tom and Ewan were dancing with the mariachi, Steve saying “chingon” and tbh I could continue. Again, the Omelete stage was messy but I don’t think that changes the whole thing for them and it looks like they really loved their experience in Mexico. :)

Ps. I mean, look at Ewan! He even bought the Mexican jersey and it is adidas of course lol! And this is not my picture btw!

#ewan mitchell #tom glynn carney #eve best #steve toussaint #house of the dragon #ccxp México

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cozyjae · 1 year

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lovefool- j.suh 🌻🌷💐

info: johnny x reader, dad!johnny, parents au, pregnancy

wc: 2.2k

a/n: helllooooo everyone! i honestly didn’t think i would ever be back posting on this account but i rewrote this piece recently and wanted to share… just my usual pure fluff ❤️ i hope u enjoy!

Your thing with Johnny is really good, sometimes it just feels too good and too right. Everything feels like it’s fallen so effortlessly and perfectly in place. You definitely don’t want to jinx anything, but after eight months of officially dating, Johnny has been absolutely everything you wanted and needed in a guy.

It’s easy to talk to him, to laugh; to tell him anything. Johnny wants to get to know you, to understand and help you. During moments like these when you lie in bed together, when he holds your waist, and when you pet his bed head and he smiles sleepily— you never want Johnny to leave.

Johnny lays beside you now, smelling like your clean sheets and his usual wood and sea salt cologne, warm fingers tracing different patterns against your hip.

You both have been slowly convincing each other to get up eventually and tackle your lazy Sunday plans of grocery shopping and putting together your new Ikea desk. But it’s been over an hour of falling back asleep and slowly blinking awake and neither of you has made much progress yet.

“You ever think about having kids?” Johnny asks suddenly, making you glance up and twist in his arms to look at his sweet face and dazed eyes.

“Yeah,” you whisper, watching how intensely curious he looks. “Sometimes.”

You subconsciously match his small smile, thoughts of an incredibly wholesome future together making your heart unfairly twist in excitement and want. "You’d be such a good dad,” you continue and Johnny grins instantly. “Like an actual dilf.”

“You think so?”

“Oh yeah,” you laugh, hand running down his bicep, “you’d be hot, babe.”

“And like, a good dad?” Johnny emphasizes, making you bite back laughter.

“Yeah,” you admit easily, rolling over to kiss him. “Of course, you would be.”

Johnny just looks at you like you said something entirely captivating and consuming.

“What?” You smile, pressing your lips against his jaw gently.

“I just want it so badly, I don’t know.” Johnny bends his arms to rest them behind his head. He watches you, suddenly peaceful and content. “I want so much with you.”

4 years later

You wake up to the muffled sound of Johnny’s voice, momentarily wondering if he’s on the phone. You smile to yourself when you listen closely and hear his softer and higher tone. You make your way to your kitchen, leaning against the doorframe, appreciating the scene in front of you. Johnny is carefully holding your daughter, Julie, with both arms, walking around the kitchen, while simultaneously trying to make eggs.

He has messy bed hair- similar to yours, a now permanent fashion statement in your household, and stubble dotted along his jaw. You listen to his soft whispers and your heart swells as your baby’s small fingers cling onto his white undershirt and her chubby hand grasps at his arm, softly patting over his floral tattoo.

Johnny has his back to you so you stay unnoticed, enjoying the serene beauty of your husband and daughter together. Julie was already almost eight months old and time felt like it was flying by, even if the sleepless nights felt long, and now, time alone and a longer than five-minute shower felt like a luxury, you couldn't and don't want to remember a time without Julie.

You love watching Johnny with her, love watching the way he so gracefully and perfectly assumed being a father, how attentive he was, and how much he doted on her and took care of you. How he started cooking most days, how he read a ridiculous amount of baby books, and how he insisted on making sure you got a minimum of a few hours of sleep a night.

You watch him bounce Julie gently, leaning against the doorframe as you smile until your daughter spots you from behind his shoulder. She reaches out and giggles with a tiny grin and Johnny turns around, mirroring her smile, which looks enduringly similar to his own.

“Need help?” You ask as Johnny laughs. “There's probably a more effective way to make breakfast but...”

Julie stretches her arms out towards you and reaches over to grab her from his hold. "Coffee?" He asks, knowing your answer.

"Yes please," you smile down at Julie, her soft hairs and long lashes. She leans her head against your chest, already comfortable in your arms. You watch Johnny stand on his tiptoes to grab a coffee mug and you press a kiss to the crown of Julie's head.

What a nice morning.

“Come take a picture!” Johnny says and your daughter giggles and toddles over to you, hurrying as fast as her tiny legs can carry her, bound in a large winter coat, mittens, and ear muffs. A tiny chubby arm extends out to you a wordless ask for stability and help. You smile as she struggles to wrap her small arms around your shoulders, tiny hands grasping your jacket. Her full pink cheek smushes against yours, as Johnny takes a picture, “Your first snow this year, baby!”

“Careful,” you call, reaching out to grasp her hand as she pulls herself into you. she wraps her arm around you, hugging you tightly. you brush back a loose strand of her hair as Johnny repositions the camera, moving around for the perfect picture.

"Snow!" Julie repeats loudly. She had just started talking and loved impressing everyone with her linguistic skills, taking her limited vocabulary very seriously as she already loved to talk and communicate with the two of you.

“Smile!” He says excitedly, grinning behind his large camera.

Julie listens, grinning with a smile that has always looked exactly like her father’s, and smushes her cheek closely next to yours. Your arm finds its way to the small of her back holding her securely as Johnny takes a picture.

“Perfect,” he mutters, more to himself, watching his family in front of him.

“What’s the surprise?” Julie cries, toying with the hem of her shirt. Her anxious gaze darts back and forth between you and Johnny, upset that you both know something she doesn’t.

At three years old, Julie hates feeling like she's being excluded from something. the hardest part of her routine now attempting to convince her that it's bedtime and neither of you would dare have fun without her.

Johnny hands her a small transparent piece of film. Your daughter plays with it gently, turning it around in her palm. “What does this mean?” She questions, not able to stay still and scooting towards you with wide, curious eyes.

Johnny holds her close to his body, wrapping an arm around her as she gives him her full attention. “It means in a couple of months you’re going to be an older sister.” Julie blinks with her mouth open, still in shock. She has friends in preschool who were younger siblings or already had younger brothers or sisters. Johnny's cousin recently had twins and Julie was completely fascinated by how tiny they were and that there were two babies.

You knew Johnny always wanted Julie to have at least one other sibling and the timing had finally felt right for the first time since Julie was born a few years ago.

“Really?” Her voice grows louder in pure excitement, looking at you in awe before her eyebrows furrow, confused, pouting. “Why not right now?” She pouts, immediately turning to her father for an explanation. He laughs loudly, “That’s not how it works, baby," he pulls her into his lap, noting that patience is still hard a hard virtue for a three-year-old.

You're tucking Julie into bed a few nights later when she brings up the baby again.

“There’s a baby in there?” Julie asks, pointing to your stomach where a small but noticeable bump began to show.

“Yes sweetheart,” you laugh as she smiles widely, “wow,” her big eyes fill with excitement and curiosity. She reaches out and lays a small, warm hand on your stomach, “hi baby.”

You smile at your daughter, already knowing what a great sister she will be. She gripes the comforter tightly as she moves to your side to cuddle you closer. “Love you,” she mumbles, eyes tightly shut, trying to lull herself into sleep.

“I love you too,” you say quietly and you eventually think she’s successfully asleep, tucked tightly next to you until she whispers cutely, “I love you baby.” You feel a small tap on your stomach and watch her gently pat your stomach. She snuggles closer, satisfied and closes her eyes for a peaceful sleep.

“Look!” Your daughter calls as she thrusts a picture towards Johnny, a pink and purple fingerprinted flower. He takes her in his arms, “for me?”Johnny asks shocked, looking at her art. Her arms find his shoulders. “No,” she giggles, “for Mommy!” She finishes, still laughing at Johnny’s reaction.

Johnny pretends to look hurt, pouting, “Well, can I have one too?” he asks. She thinks about it, face twisting, “Okay!” The little girl decides and Johnny’s smile grows instantly. “Thank you, baby.”

She frowns, chiding her father with a grin, “I’m not baby.”

“You’re not?” Johnny asks surprised and she nods approvingly. “Yes, the baby is in mommy right now,” she explains, looking at him to confirm he understands.

“Ahhh,” Johnny nods knowingly, smiling tugging on his lips, “I see. You're right. So smart." Julie hides her smile, leaning against Johnny's shoulder.

“You’re still my baby though, right?" He asks as Julie buries her face into his neck, giggling. “Yes,” she laughs, muffled by the cotton of his t-shirt.

The three of you watched Nemo while Julie was incredibly invested in the story, watching while sitting in Johnny's lap and letting him braid her hair. You're sitting close to them, a blanket draped over you and Johnny watches you sleep peacefully.

Julie sighs against Johnny's chest as he pats her shoulder. "Let’s go to bed, Jules."

She lets Johnny hoist her up and carry her into her room, the one down the hall from yours, with the pink walls and newly upgraded twin bed.

"Daddy," she whispers, clutching her favorite teddy bear. "Will you still love me even if I’m not a baby anymore?"

Johnny blinks and brushes back stray hairs from her face with a soft smile. "Of course, I could never not love you, never ever."

"Ok, Daddy," she smiles to herself, seemingly satisfied.

"Will you still love me?" He asks and Julie giggles.

"Yes!"

"I had to make sure!" He defends and Julie squeals, wrapping her arms around his torso and squeezing tight.

"Jules, Mommy and I will love you forever."

“The baby is going to be small,” Johnny explains, walking Julie through the hospital halls as she swings their arms back and forth excitedly.

“Okay,” Julie bounces. "Isn't it cool, daddy, that baby and I have the same birthday month?"

"Wow," he looks down at Julie and her bright, excited eyes, "it really is."

"But we have our own days," she continues, "I think it was meant to be." Julie decides, stopping when Johnny does, in front of your hospital room.

"I think so too," he smiles, squeezing her hand gently and opening the door carefully.

"Wow," Julie gasps, consciously trying not to run up to the hospital bed where you hold a tiny bundle.

"Hi, Jules," you smile, "do you want to meet your brother?"

She nods with wide eyes, already on her tippy toes to try and peer over the tall bed. Johnny instead sits down in the chair next to you and lifts her into his lap. "Here," he murmurs as you carefully pass over your newborn.

"Hi," Julie stares at the small bundle, "Daddy," she gasps, looking up at Johnny. She touches the baby tentatively as Johnny's arm wraps around her waist. Julie is already hyper-fixated on her sibling, on her brother.

"What's baby's name?" She whispers like she's scared of disturbing him.

"Jordan," Johnny says quietly, meeting your eyes with a small, content smile.

"Hi Jordan," Julie smiles, supporting his head gently, turning to look at you. "Do you think he already knows how much I love him?"

You nod, "I think he does." Julie nods with a smile, like that reassures her and you watch her hold her brother, feeling like your family with Johnny felt so complete.

#nct imagine #nct blurb #nct fic #johnny suh fic #johnny suh imagine #nct dad au #nct blurbs #nct scenario

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witchsickness · 2 years

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as a rule, billy tries not to think too much about stuff. things happen, and that’s all there is to it.

it is what it is. people do dumb stuff and end up getting possessed. then they pull something even stupider, like clinging on to life instead of listening to every single doctor’s very-fucking-helpful predictions, and what this leads to is—

it’s an ancient, sputtering lawn mower, feasting on the overgrown grass of a house bought in a coward’s name. the machine spits out a few murdered blades, and then abandons all hope, dying in billy’s hands for the fourth time this morning. this sunday-fucking-morning, where everything’s alive.

somehow, that includes billy. it is what it is.

‘again?’ harrington walks out of a house his lawful owner hasn’t slept in for months, a glass of semi-translucent liquid in each hand. ‘next time i’ll bring around the one maurizio uses, how’s that sound? that way you’ll be done in an hour and we can spend the day doing something actually productive.’

for fear of an answer that will lead to reconsidering the still alive situation billy finds himself in, he decides he doesn’t need to know if maurizio is harrington’s gardener, or the fifth cousin he had his first kiss with when he was eight. ‘only thing you’ve done all day is sit around and ogle me,’ he mumbles instead.

harrington laughs, passing him one glass. with his newly freed hand, he brushes the sweat-stuck hair on billy’s forehead. his palm’s icy cold, and billy shivers under the touch.

things—happen. that’s one of those things. harrington, his fingers tangled in billy’s sun-baked, disastrous curls. harrington, passing him a glass of susan’s watery lemonade. harrington, always around.

there’s probably a name for what they’re doing, but harrington hasn’t offered it, and billy—doesn’t ask. it’s a rule. the one thing he’s good at.

max crosses the lawn to them. harrington drops his hand, but doesn’t step back. at the sight of the folder in max’s hands, billy can feel him frowning.

with a perverse sort of pleasure, billy accepts the folder from max’s outstretched hand, and he lifts the cover, making sure its contents are hidden from harrington’s view. ‘whassat?’

max is busy cannibalizing herself, one lip at a time. ‘you know how to read,’ she mumbles thunderously.

billy makes a show of looking up before, finally, looking down. at the—the divorce papers. ‘oh,’ he says, ‘is that—’

‘it’s official. my mom’s not married to your dad anymore.’

‘right.’ he hands the lemonade back to harrington, who’s waiting for it with a claw-shaped hand, like billy’s that-fucking-predictable. ‘well, uh. congrats. sue must be—wait, is that what the lemonade was about?’

max—doesn’t laugh, and doesn’t call him a brainless ex-zombie. she’s just. she’s chewing on her lip, eyes big and watery, fixed on the papers in billy’s hands.

he forces out a breath. honestly, this probably would’ve been avoided with maurizio’s miracle lawn mower. ‘max,’ he says, patient as all hell, ‘what is it?’

her features scrunch up into a frown, mouth twisting like it’s trying to lock the words in. she looks at him. it’s been a while since billy’s had her fury directed at him. he hasn’t missed it, not one bit.

‘you got what you wanted,’ she says, ‘i’m not your sister anymore.’

billy—blinks, then barks out a laugh. ‘what’s the big deal? not like you ever were,’ he says, which. okay, in hindsight, isn’t the line he should’ve gone for.

if there’s one thing he knows about max, it’s that she hates crying in front of people. that’s probably why she’s turning around, walking back into the house, chin already trembling. billy’s hand shoots out to catch her by the arm before a rectifying plan has formed in his stupid, monster-fried brain.

‘wait a second, you goof, come here,’ he says, letting go only once max has stopped thrashing and is trying to dig a hole on the freshly mowed lawn with the tip of her lemon-yellow chuck jones instead. billy passes a hand over his face. ‘look,’ he says, ‘look, what does it matter? that’s what i mean. ‘s not like we were ever actually related, right? no paper will change that, one way or the other.’

‘right,’ max mutters, ‘whatever.’

‘i mean,’ billy says, forcing her eyes to him with a knuckle under her chin, ‘my—my dad marrying sue isn’t what made you my sister, peabrain. a divorce isn’t gonna un-make you, either.’

max sniffles, looking significantly less homicidal. ‘i don’t want you not being my brother.’

‘i don’t want you not being my sister, either,’ billy says. ‘how ‘bout we shake on it?’

‘nah,’ max says, and then she’s burrowing into him, top of her head knocking his jaws together.

his mouth tastes coppery and lemonade-sour, but the corners of his eyes were stinging before that.

max pulls back, taking the folder with her. ‘better take those back,’ she says, wetly, ‘mom said something about framing them.’

billy watches her go, and turns around to find harrington watching him. the two glasses have landed on the ground, condensation running down to water the grass billy’ll spend the rest of the day wrangling with.

there’s something profound, and jittery, and almost-new in the way harrington’s looking at him, that makes billy frown self-consciously. ‘what?’

harrington—takes a step closer. his hand finds billy’s curls again. the ones on the side of his face, this time. ‘i love you,’ he says, smiling at whatever recalibrating’s taking place in billy’s mind shows in his eyes. ‘just occurred to me, you—you probably didn’t know that.’

‘i—’ billy tries, ‘we—’

‘easy,’ harrington laughs, nodding towards the house, ‘establishing one relationship’s enough for today. we’ll try again tomorrow, yeah?’

there’s not much to do but nod. ‘okay,’ billy says, fingers tracing harrington’s knuckles. ‘okay,’ and then he kisses harrington, right there. under the tree in the backyard legally owned by someone who’ll never get the chance to ruin another one of their days.

it is what it is.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #max mayfield #steve harrington #my stuff

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monstrsball · 1 year

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in honor of iwa day, i have written up all of my headcanons for his lesbian moms that i came up with months ago. it's what he would want. <3

okay, to make it easier for me and you, i went ahead and gave them names! sachiko & mayumi. now, let's get into it.

they were friends for a long time before they got together, they didn't get together until after iwa was born. i'm thinking he was around three or four when they officially started dating? (i suppose i'll take this moment to say sachiko is technically his biological mom but the distinction doesn't matter to any of them, iwa honestly gets pretty annoyed when people ask) young enough that he has always known both of them as his moms!! [his father isn't in the picture]

sachiko works in an office & mayumi is a doctor.

personality-wise, i think iwa and mayumi are more alike. she can be fairly blunt at times and has her own stubborn streak. she's the one who introduced him to godzilla too! however, iwa did get his sense of humor from sachiko! he's also like... the spitting image of her. same eyes, same smile, etc.

he loves both of his moms but because of their similarities, he probably butted heads with mayumi more when he was a teenager. nothing too bad though, they just got into silly arguments sometimes lol.

they're a fairly outdoorsy family! they go camping at least once (if not multiple times) every summer and they tend to do a lot of stuff! fishing, swimming, hiking, bug catching, etc. oikawa would go with them from time to time when they were kids.

sachiko and mayumi both play softball! they just play for a neighborhood association now but they were on a team together in high school. and mayumi played in college! she probably could have gone pro if she wanted to but she thought making a career out of it would kill her interest in the sport so she didn't.

they know a bit about other sports too! they had siblings and friends who played other ones but, funnily enough, volleyball was the one sport they didn't know a whole lot about. so they were thrown for a loop when that was the one iwaizumi got really into.

they learned quickly though! i'm picturing like. eight year olds iwa and oikawa sitting down and teaching iwa's moms all about volleyball. :')

sachiko is really into furniture restoration/refinishing! she's taught iwa a lot about it and he helps her with her projects from time to time. her projects are just for the family but she does daydream a lot about opening up her own little shop dedicated to it.

mayumi has a garden! i think she mainly grows fruits and veggies but she started a section for flowers too after sachiko mentioned wishing they had flowers. they end up with excess a lot so they're always giving fruits and veggies away to family and friends. the aoba johsai volleyball club always gets free fresh produce, living the dream.

in high school, iwa spends every sunday in-season helping her with the garden! only exceptions being when he's sick or has to be away for volleyball/school. he has plenty of time to hang out with his friends the rest of week so he likes devoting some time to hanging out with his mom. sometimes though his friends will come over and help too (it's sort of a rule if they want to hang out with iwa on a sunday, lol, bc he will rarely budge on it).

but honestly? his friends coming around probably has more to do with them also wanting to spend his time with his mom, lol. i think iwa's moms are really popular with his friends! they all think they're both really cool.

a majority of the seijoh four hangouts happen at wa's house, probably most of the seijoh hangouts in general tbh.

partially because iwa is an only child so his house is less rowdy but also because everyone just feels really comfortable there and his moms are more welcoming to a horde of teenagers than the other parents lol. (as long as they are told ahead of time)

they're pretty fond of iwa's friends! they think they're all pretty good kids and sachiko likes to send iwa to school with a treat for them on their birthdays. at first, it's just for oikawa, matsukawa, and hanamaki but by his third year it's expanded to include the whole team.

which sort of happened because his second year, iwaizumi offhandedly mentioned that it was yahaba's birthday too and she got really upset that he didn't tell her matsukawa shared a birthday with one of the first years on the team because she would have sent something for him too! (and she had only met yahaba like... twice at this point) she did send him with something a few days later. so his third year, she asked for an updated birthday list.

so, basically, the opinion held by all of iwa's friends is that iwa's moms are cool (but not in a trying too hard/acting too much like their friends way!!).

literally the only thing stopping matsukawa and hanamaki from making milf jokes is their utmost respect and admiration for them (and lesbians).

on that note, hanamaki and matsukawa both keep in touch with them after they graduate! and they hang out with them a lot even when iwa isn't there (especially when iwa is in california, they miss their son!!). their bonus moms tbh.

i think everyone on the team keeps in touch actually but matsukawa and hanamaki are the only ones who visit with them regularly.

they will send iwa messages informing him that they are stealing his mothers and iwa leaves them on read.

oikawa calls them "Mayumi-chan" and "Sachiko-chan" because he is incapable of referring to those older than him the way he probably should. iwa hates it but his moms don't mind it at all. in fact, i think sachiko is flattered by it.

his moms love oikawa, always have!! oikawa likes to tattle on iwa when iwa's being 'mean' because they always tell iwa to be nicer to him lmao. (they're aware iwa isn't really being mean, they just like teasing him)

for the longest time, oikawa's parents thought they were just really close friends and this was something iwa never really corrected because he was like.... a child. i'm picturing like oikawa's mom talking to him (age 10) and she says something like "oh, it's really nice of your mom's friend to help you guys :)" and he's like "??? uh, yeah."

she is mortified that she said that to him when she learns that they're actually a couple.

i made a post abt this but i'm just gonna put it here too. when they were kids, after oikawa met iwa's moms for the first time, he asked him later why he didn't have a dad and iwa said he got eaten by a shark.

this didn't really deter oikawa from asking further questions though because then he just had lots of questions about the shark that ate iwa's dad. and thus began a lifelong friendship.

HAPPY IWA DAY! HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! everyone should love iwa's moms. open to asks about them always.

#iwa day 🎉#hq family hcs #my headcanons #i have other headcanons too but they're related to iwaoisuga and i want this post to be For Everyone so i am sparing you #(or depriving you... however you want to look at it)#anyway i wrote most of this while suffering from a migraine so please appreciate it. i know i didn't Have to write it with a migraine but.#i had to. for iwa day. you understand.#this also means there might be typos fsjfds so apologies if there are

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agentlemansavage · 4 months

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So. Let's talk about this year.

So quick summary the girl I was interested gave up on us. I could say alot about this but right now I'm just hoping she realizes she made a mistake and at the minimum continues our friendship.

My uncle is in the hospital. He likely doesn't have very long. This man basically raised me. He's the reason I ended up so different than the rest of my siblings. Seeing him like this kills me.

My friend with cancer isn't doing well, he actually got a second colostomy bag because the tumor had gotten so big that it basically messed up the first one. He's lost alot weight he isn't doing great and he also doesn't have very long.

Career: Back when the girl and I were still talking I filled out a bunch of apps in Florida and got a call back and they wanted me to start. The position was actually great and would have been a great next step in my career however with her and I not talking it would be strange to take the job. So I turned it down which sucks but I also don't want to end up looking like the crazy ex thing.

To top that off at my current job I'm also in deep water. Basically I hadn't slept in days and had a small mental break and didn't really call into work or anything and had a few days of no call no shows. So dealing with all of that fun repercussions but I have a few interviews so hopefully something happens soon.

Therapy. I have such a love hate relationship with therapy. I put alot of pressure on myself to take care of everyone and it's not healthy and it has caused me to not take care of myself. I have also come to realize I made my self worth so much about sex that i honestly believed that was the only thing anyone could ever end up wanting from me. It's where i have most of my self worth and it's weird to say and think about but to say it's caused problems in my life would be an understatement. So I'm trying to work through this.

I've been back to the gym almost everyday for 2 weeks now. It's helping me find some more stability as i get myself figured out and get back to a version of myself I can be proud of. I actually folded and out away all my laundry and have made Sunday my official cleaning day. I'm also considering going back to school although i may just work on some certifications to advance a few things. Oh and a few months ago i bought a Spanish app which I'm working through bit by bit too

Right now everything kinda just isn't great. I'm trying to stay positive but I'm finding it really hard and overall i just feel so defeated. Going to try and write some small updates once a month. Also going to try for the 100th time to do something with this blog and get it to a good state again.

That's about it. Sorry it's all word vomit I had to start somewhere.

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mostlymalena · 1 month

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May 10th 2024 11:47pm

Hi. I know I havent written in a while. I'll be better at that.

Today was rough - this week has been rough honestly. I have not written bc Gracie and I were going through a breakup and she officially ended things tonight. Not only that but I got official confirmation that Belle and Paul are fucking. I hope she doesnt have a boyfriend still bc thats just wrong.

let's flesh this out - Gracie broke up with me bc she said she thinks she did not give herself enough alone time to figure out a lot like the religious stuff. She said she does not want to put me through that and I told her I was willing to be put through that. She said she would rather be alone. I am heartbroken bc she worked so hard at picking away my walls and it feels like days after I tore a couple of them down she saw what was behind them and deemed them too much and left. I told her a couple days before she broke it off that I cannot trust her all the way bc I feel like she will abandon me again like she did 4 years ago. It's been rough and im crying a lot. I just wished she would have not reached out at all and not begged begged to get back together just to leave me all over again. I am very very heartbroken.

Tonight I also found out that Paul and Belle are "together" which just means Paul is fucking her bc we know how P is and he will never claim her as she probably deserves to be claimed lmao. Not sure if she still has that poor boyfriend but! Now I am not in any way surprised by this news bc WE ALL SAW IT COMING LMAO but I do feel just embarrassed by him a little. I mean to chase a girl in a band you are in while she has a boyfriend and then fuck her while keeping her a secret and never publicly claiming her and THEN DOING THAT SAME THING TWO MONTHS AFTER BREAKING UP WITH BELLE IS WILD SHIT!!! That is so cringey and so so so embarrassing. I dont know why I feel so much second hand embarrassment but I think it's by association?? Like now he clearly has a pattern and that it started with me and I just hate that so much lmao. He will always be afraid of what people will think and say. I remember when him taking me to a work party meant a lot too lmao.

Also there is a huge relief bc one of my biggest fears when I thought about P's next girlfriend was that she was going to be prettier or more cool or intelligent or just like overall more aesthetically pleasing than me. I do not have to worry about that AT all. This is not to be mean but it is just honest; she is a very plain looking girl with a shady attitude and in my experience does not seem to have much depth to her, all things I had that intimidated P so it should actually work well. He does not want to be with a woman who challenges him and Belle does not seem like the type. This is basically just news I guess bc I dont have any other feelings besides just pity for belle who does not know the prize she won is a emotionally stunted line cook who is wasting his intelligence micromanaging a burger shop. She will grow tired of being kept a secret and he will do nothing about it. This story has been written before she is not a new character just replacing the old one who got tired of the same plot.

I leave for italy sunday - wow. That will be so healing.

Now I guess I should focus on what I'll be needing so a list will be constructed below:

write every day

read one book a week (already doing this but want to make it a goal now)

write poetry once a day

have fun with my friends (easy)

I think that is all for now. Going to have my nightcap and go to sleep bc I have a huge busy day and it starts with an early soccer game!!

Glad to be back to my emotional support blog

#may 2024 #lost love #life

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jugs-and · 2 months

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15 min sprint

My to-do list has "15 minute sprint on tumblr" listed on it - so here we are. People do gratitude journals to make them reflect, and possibly have a positive spin on the events of life. There is a lot of joy in the world, but I feel like stopping just means we are faced with the mind-numbingly dull modern landscape we inhabit. The time to stop is the rarest jewel in this modern world, where nothing matters because everything matters suddenly.

2024 has been chaos so far - I just don't feel like I've been able to stop and breath. For illustration, we had somehow booked in three separate trips to the South Island before March alone. Now I'm just trying to settle into a rhythm of work and private work on half of my evenings. It's a strange lull this week where we had a big deadline last week, and I'm just trying to figure out what I do for fun.

If October 2023 wasn't enough, they went through a second round of restructuring at work in March 2024. The previous round, we officially de-commissioned 3 people, but another 2-3 also outright resigned to other positions. Last month, where the job market is absolutely barren - they demolished through another 9 people last month. It's absolutely soul-destroying as someone who survived, even more so for anyone affected. I have no soul left at work.

Otherwise, the money has been super tight this year. As with most first quarters of my adult life- insurance lump-sums and rates have blind-sided me. This year in particular, my credit card was absolutely pushed to the maximum, and I know I'm not alone in this. Honestly the first time as an adult I've seriously had to budget and shave expenses.

Speaking of breathing, a shoulder connected with my ribs this past Sunday at volleyball. I was absolutely winded and floored, taken out by H- on my own team going for the same ball. Today is the first day that the sharp pain in my left lung has surfaced to the skin level. Touching the mid-section of my ribs has been painful, where previously it was a unnoticeable pain, that awoke when I moved a certain way.

Sleep feels like amnesia, or a vague concept sometimes, and other times I grasp it completely. I pass out some nights after a late night at the office, other days I feel so anxious that I've had no exercise and I definitely will not sleep well. The sleep yo-yos within the same week.

I feel like it's the same story, I am telling in more creative ways.

#2024

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umichenginabroad · 1 year

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Semana Santa pt. 1, Paris

Hey everyone,

This week is officially Semana Santa in Spain! Semana Santa stands for Holy Week, aka the week leading up until Easter. The Spanish take this week very seriously, so it counts as my “Spring Break” as there are no classes. I’ll skip over the past couple days leading up to it, as they were filled with last minute homework assignments and packing.

For the first few days of this week, I traveled to Paris, France. Paris has been on my bucket list for as long as I can remember. Me and my friends flew in early Sunday morning, and then took a bus to our Airbnb within the city. We had been up since about 3:30am, so we took a quick nap before heading to a local cafe near where we were staying. After grabbing a bite to eat, we set off to explore!

Unfortunately, our first day was overcast and pretty cold, but we were still able to make the most of it. We took the metro to the Eiffel Tower, and also walked along the Seine to Notre Dame. These two landmarks were farther from each other than we expected, so we were pretty exhausted after our day of traveling and walking the city. We stopped for a quick break, and then walked to L’Entrecote. This is a favorite in Paris, and I had heard a lot about it before going. It’s a restaurant in Paris that only serves one dish - steak and frites. You tell them what drink you’d like and how you’d like your steak, and then they start you with a salad before bringing you the main course. Halfway through eating, they will walk around and refill both your steak and fries! It was so delicious, and the ambiance of the restaurant was super fun. It was a great way to end our first day.

The next morning, we were up early to head to the Louvre. Luckily we had booked our tickets in advance, and it’s free for students 18-25 in the EU! The museum was huge, and we spent hours wandering its halls. Of course we saw the famed Mona Lisa, and also saw a lot of other cool exhibits. Afterwards, we walked through the Tuileries Garden to Angelina. Angelina is a famous cafe in Paris that specializes in hot chocolate and whipped cream. I’m not a big sweets person, but I thought this was delicious!

After grabbing lunch at Angelina’s, we walked back along the Seine to Le Marais, a neighborhood known for its local boutiques and vintage shopping. We were able to spend a good amount of time here, and then decided to take advantage of the sunshine and grab some drinks! We went to Le Terrass, a boutique hotel that has a bar on their roof! This was super fun, as we could see the Eiffel Tower from the top while enjoying our drinks. We then returned to our Airbnb and took a quick rest.

As many others studying abroad know, sometimes you are craving a piece of home after a few months. I have been feeling this way as well, and me and my friends actually figured out there was a Chipotle in Paris, so we knew we had to go. This honestly was such a fun dinner, and it was a good way to save some money on food. Afterwards, it was a quick walk back to the Eiffel Tower so we could take in its beauty at night. It was so gorgeous sparkling, and I have about a million photos in my camera roll to attest to that.

Tuesday was sadly our last full day in Paris. We decided to take full advantage, and hopped on a train early in the morning heading to Versailles. I actually was unaware that the Palace of Versailles is not directly in Paris, as Versailles is technically a suburb of Paris. But, it was only a 20 minute train ride to get there. Once there, we went to the palace for a full tour, and it was amazing! It was huge, and no details were overlooked. It was so big and opulent, and while that is beautiful, it definitely makes you think about wealth back in those times, and how it was distributed. Definitely an interesting trip!

We grabbed the train back into Paris and got some much needed lunch, including some famous French crepes. We then took the metro to visit the Arc De Triomphe. It honestly was a lot larger than I had imagined in my head, but that makes sense as a lot of people go to the top for some great views. We wandered back down to the Seine, and ran into the famous bridge filled with locks! This was fun, and we spent a few minutes looking at all of the different initials and notes engraved on each.

That night, we had our last dinner in Paris. We booked in advance a reservation at Pink Mamma, a popular Italian spot in Paris. I had heard a lot about it from both friends and research, and it did not disappoint! One reason for its popularity is its beautiful inside, as it’s covered in windows, plants, and paintings. I also had their famous truffle pasta. It was a great ending to our time in Paris.

Now, I’m heading off to London for the rest of the week. I’m excited to share my time there next :)

Abbey Almeda

Industrial and Operations Engineering

UP Comillas

#umichenginabroad #ipemadrid #ipewinter23 #spain #abbeyalmeda

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cosmic-pheonix · 2 years

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So, I’ve just come up with an idea for The Owl House Fandom 🧙‍♀️🦉🔮🌟…..

So with the premiere of the 1st part of season 3 of The Owl House quickly approaching (airing way late in my time where I’m from - on a Sunday no less) I figured I propose a suggestion to the fandom… By giving thanks to Dana and the crew for all their hard work, especially on this season!

And while I’m not sure if anybody else has or is going to use this idea before me (I mean it was worth the shot! I feel like just about any fandom would do that), I was thinking about doing some sort of massive fandom big bang; making and creating fanart, animations/animatics, AMV’s/edits etc You name it!

The idea came to mind after lurking around in the Amphibia fandom (I like to check into the fandom every once in a while) then I remembered that since Amphibia ended months ago, the fandom would joke around making tweets about season 4 happening and creating fake promos and fan made episode animations/animatics/storyboards for like a couple of weeks (even creator Matt Braly liked some of the stuff he saw from fans and had to check in with the fandom about it - You had to be there!)

I like to think of this as a tribute to Dana and her crew for giving us the most of season 3 has to offer, and while we’re concerned of how the final season would play out as a 3 part near hour long special, I trust Dana and her team would be able to fill in everything that’s needed, flaws and all.

As a fandom, I think we can all come to an agreement that since Disney decided to be a bunch of assholes for cutting the rest of season 3 and cancelling the show entirely for not “fitting into their brand” (whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean?!) that they’re now officially on - what I like to call - “Massive Corporate Entertainment Company Hit List for Screwing Animation Fans Over” officially considering Disney public enemy No. 1 (but now that spot seems to go over to Warner Brothers/Discovery, after certain recent events - also don’t ask me on the title, I just randomly made that on the fly so it was the first thing that popped into my head - sorry if that sounds cringe 😬)

Which is why I think starting around the day of the premiere for season 3, let’s get the show trending on social media to show tremendous support for the owl crew, cuz lord knows they deserve the love for creating an amazing show after everything they’ve went through with Disney’s higher ups shady ass-hattery that goes on there, the best we can do is support Dana and the team for the hard work, appreciate and make the most of what we have for the final season!

There’s probably a few bits and bobs I felt that are missing (or just the whole idea of some fandom big bang is already somewhat a common thing here and in other fandom spaces IDK) but feel free to share some ideas here! I’d love to see some ideas to shared around this fandom!

Personally, I love seeing fanart, but you know what I wanna see more of? Fan made “episode” animations/animatics/storyboards of season 3, y’know since Disney thought that cutting season 3 was necessary, why not make make some fan made “episodes” to fill in the gaps that would’ve been a full season (especially once the first part is aired and from what I’ve heard we go into a 3 month hiatus until the next part, which oof, I thought the Steven Universe fandom has a rough hiatus, but this 😳) - whether it’s from fan made theories, headcanons or just something that’s canon adjacent - I think it would’ve been really fun and would really mend the hole in the fandom’s heart once the show’s over (honestly I kinda miss the chaotic energy from the fandom when Amphibia ended and I really wanted to have fun with The Owl House, all in good fun!).

I hope this idea sticks to the fandom because I would love for this post to boost up and garner everyone’s interest! Again, if you like this, feel free to share your ideas here!

Also of course, please support the show through legal means through Disney +, or more likely, just pirate the show and give Dana the crew some support and kind messages! Also, don’t share any spoilers/leaks and PLEASE tag them once they’re aired, especially to those that are not in the US!

Happy Season 3 Everyone!

#cosmic posts stuff #The Owl House #the owl house #Disney #toh season 3 #toh season three

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theeverydaylife17 · 2 years

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Have you ever met someone that you know should drive you crazy… not in the smiling ear to ear crazy, first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing at night, wanna tell them the little details of everything crazy- but like the textbook definition of crazy- everything they do and say and just their entire being is eye roll worthy to you? Last summer I did.

I met this guy- not in a dreamy way. It was girls night in the city. The kind of girls night where you are in your comfiest clothes, no make up on. I bregudgingly walked past streets lined in string lights, to pick up my friends now boyfriend and his friend that had been out. And so this story begins.

You were talked up. “He’s such a solid guy. He’s funny and would do literally anything for you. I think he’s so cute.” I would be lying if I said the first time we met I didn’t literally roll my eyes and say, “Absolutely. Never. Going. To. Happen.” Because I did and that’s the most solidified first impression I think I’ve ever had. Self-assured. Cocky. Big personality. Likes himself a little too much. It’s what I call a “Hard no.”

Then this strangely easy friendship happened. I should stop right there because if I say what I want to say I am speaking it into the universe and that makes it feel wrong and real all at the same time.

It was a slow burn. Summer turned into fall and honestly I can say you never crossed my mind. Then it was Halloween weekend and Tom Brady hosted a house party where this “out of this world” alien found Waldo. ‘I see the way you look at him.’ I rolled my eyes. This alien didn’t think much of what she found. She took it at face value. Months go by and radio silence. “____ liked your post.” That was the extent of it.

Memorial Day weekend. Slow burn with the surface of the sun igniting it. I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not noticing. The way you make sure I’m okay when I’m not feeling my best- get me a coke and a water at the bayside bar. The way you sing and dance with me in the kitchen. The banter and playful bickering like we’ve know each other for a lifetime. Safety in a man that I haven’t felt in years. The ease and the comfort that is effortless. Have I just found a new best friend? Slowly seeing more than face value. Slowly seeing another side, a side that I only see.

Official start to summer. You are teaching me how to play keno. Pick two numbers. 13 (year I graduated high school), 27 (current age). Your jaw drops. Those are your lucky numbers- your family lucky numbers. You win. Im good luck. I ask about your situation. You ask about mine- not to one another but to our friend - oddly in sync. You make a move. Stranger Things for hours.

Fourth of July and by now I know your side of the bed, the way you like your two fans, your favorite shirt and shorts to sleep in, and when you wear your headband. I know your buzz words and that someone has to make sure you’ve eaten when you have been drinking because you forget.

The way we just sleep next to one another and laugh about baby groot. The way you teach me about soccer and we high five after a goal. The way I pretend to be E.T. with your comforter and you laugh. The way you try to hide your smile when I’m being my silly self.

My friends don’t want me to get hurt. They don’t want you to get hurt. They love us both. They see what they see of both of us individually but not together. The slow Sunday mornings, the gentle manner in which you handle me, the way you pull me back when I go to move away because intertwined is more comfortable than anything else.

There’s a 100% chance I’m romanticizing something that is nothing. There’s a 100% chance that I’m praying I’m not.

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apollostears · 3 years

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COLLEGE CONFESSIONS [ jjk ]

↬︎ anime: jujutsu kaisen

↬︎ featuring: nanami kento, suguru geto, fushiguro toji, choso kamo, & satoru gojo

↬︎ warning(s): swearing, college!au, all characters are 18+, mentions of blood

PLOT. in new girl style, you become roommates with five men from your university.

ADVISORY. reader is black and female, unless stated otherwise.

college series

➟︎ meeting the boys was simultaneously the best, and worst, thing that could ever happen to you.

➟︎ on some new girl shit, you ended up rooming with them bc rent was cheap and it was close to campus.

➟︎ nanami, choso, toji, geto, & gojo all lived in this huge penthouse a few blocks down from university (shoutout to them niggas having money). it was two penthouses put into one and it was home to some of the biggest hoes you had ever met.

➟︎ it’s complete chaos.

➟︎ you share a bathroom with toji, whose nonexistent most of the time bc he’s out doin illegal shit (underground fighting) or fuckin random girls.

➟︎ none of them are completely messy, but there has been several times where you have tripped over shoes and slipped on socks because of them.

➟︎ it’s very rare that all of you are in the house at the same time other than to sleep.

➟︎ choso takes you to campus with him since he goes the same time you go. nanami is the one that’ll take you home. or geto. but they will not allow you to ride public transportation.

➟︎ partially because they’re bougie and also because they know how unsafe it is alone on campus.

➟︎ toji owns a small tattoo and piercing shop that choso and geto work at when they aren’t doing internships.

➟︎ besides geto and nanami, nobody cooks. everyone uses the ninja blender though and the air fryer.

➟︎ sometimes, on wash days, you guys will combine shirts and pants to save time but wash everything else separately. everyone but gojo is allowed to wash bc he will fuck up y’all’s clothes.

➟︎ there is a weekend out of every month where you guys just do whatever you want to do. either together or alone.

➟︎ it usually ends up with geto cooking sunday breakfast and all of you watching some movie. maybe even going to a frat party or watching toji fight.

➟︎ they’ve come to like you more than they thought they would. honestly didn’t plan on interacting with you but you grew on them. now they’re your unofficial, official, sugar daddies without the sugar. (although…😉)

➟︎ pls don’t ever buy anything with your own money and let them catch you. they will reimburse you plus interest, for no reason.

➟︎ honestly, you have yet to figure out why they even spoil you the way they do.

➟︎ nanami is a business major with toji. choso is an art major with a focus in architecture and history. gojo is pre-law and geto is a bioengineering major for healthcare services.

➟︎ toji scared the shit out of you at first, all broody and shit. but y’all really bonded after he came back late from a particularly brutal fight and you were up finishing an assignment when you saw him. he looked like he could barely stand and after that, y’all just grew closer.

➟︎ you and gojo have a strong love-hate relationship because how can someone so smart be so dumb?? has gotten you caught up several times.

➟︎ nanami helps you study and it’s so nice because you don’t even ask most of the time, but he’ll hit you up and ask if you have anything you need help with.

➟︎ geto practices his sketches on you all the time to see how it will look.

➟︎ choso and you will use his architecture skills to draw up your dream home 😭. he’s went through ten sketches already.

➟︎ you hang out at the tattoo shop anytime you’re free. sometimes you’ll go there after classes and just do homework until someone comes to the front desk needing help.

➟︎ you cannot play any games with any of these niggas because they ALL CHEAT!

➟︎ choso almost got to scrapping with gojo over a game of chutes and ladders.

➟︎ i feel like nanami likes reading and if you like reading, you guys have your own little book club.

➟︎ gojo takes you on shopping sprees. but it’s literally because he likes going out and drags you with him cause no one else will go.

➟︎ fairytale shit aside…living with these niggas is like fighting demons.

➟︎ nanami got a headache every damn hour bc of gojo so then he snappy like denzel in fuckin training day.

➟︎ toji moody af and releases that anger by having relations almost every night with a new bitch. you can never get sleep and almost always end up sleeping in choso’s room.

➟︎ geto has such a slick mouth, he be causing riots at five am cause he called choso’s mama a hoe. choso don’t play about his mama.

➟︎ gojo will have girls over for the night but never kick them out. so then y’all wakin up to some rando, wearing geto’s shirt that gojo stole and eating nanami’s meal prepped breakfast.

➟︎ you silently escort her out before she witnesses a murder.

➟︎ and ALL five of them purposefully bother you at all hours of the day.

➟︎ talkin to a man? oh, not on geto’s watch. now your ‘boyfriend’ shows up to take you home while threatening the guy you were talking to.

➟︎ you in the shower with the door unlocked again? toji’s coming in to take a shit and gojo’s going to turn the lights off and throw some rubber animal in the shower with you.

➟︎ they both, rightfully so, get they ass beat by you and nanami.

➟︎ thinking about going grocery shopping for the apartment? you better pray to god you leave before them otherwise they will try to tag along and end up adding more shit than necessary, into the cart. y’all once had an $800 grocery bill.

➟︎ gojo stay wearing yo wigs. you don’t complain much bc he’s the one that buys them, and he buys the good kind, but if you see him saying ‘stiff where?’ in the mirror ONE MORE TIME!

➟︎ living with them is a nightmare dressed like a daydream literally.

↬︎ join the taglist: @rubinocore @nyxeclipse @sweeneyblue1 @knjkitten@namjoonswifeyy @sunrayyellowhalo @pimpnameyannie @brownmochi

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saintshigaraki · 3 years

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HERE, IN THE MORNING LIGHT, IS WHERE WE’LL BARE OUR SOULS

pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x f!reader

words: 3.2k

excerpt: Really, how many times can you blame Ushijima for breaking your heart when you’re the one who can’t seem to stop handing it to him -- on a silver fucking platter no less.

a/n: this is...a bit too similar to my bakugou drabble i’ll admit. but i could see a relationship with ushijima having some of the same problems. he’s not purposely cruel, but god, doesn’t that just make it so much worse?

tags: angst, mentions of alcohol, implied sex, reader is full of rage, ambiguous/open ending

in case you want to read it on ao3!

You greet Toshi at the door, as you’ve made a habit of doing when he manages to come home before you’ve fallen asleep.

(Like a well-trained dog, you think, with only the most bitter sort of amusement.)

When you lift your hand up to cup his face, a sweet hello, love, how was your day? on your lips, he sweeps it aside (gently, of course. He's always so sickeningly gentle when he brushes you aside. You think that might just make the hollow sting of his nonchalant rejection that much worse.)

“Have you made anything for dinner?” he asks, already walking away before you have a chance to pull him down for a kiss. Your arm falls unceremoniously at your side. A deadweight, swinging.

I think I might hate you, you want to say, so, so badly. The words are there, right on the tip of your tongue as you stand frozen in the darkened entryway, his shadow stretches, eclipsing you, as he walks further and further away.

But these moments of sweet burning-hot rage pass as quickly as they come and soon -- too soon, maybe, or not soon enough -- you find yourself turning on your heels and shining a too-bright smile, the one that shows too many teeth and leaves an ache in your cheeks.

“Not yet, love, but I can whip up something real quick.”

The words taste like lead in your mouth.

(Or maybe that's just the blood from biting your tongue.)

Who knows, you muse, bitterly, bitingly. What does it matter anyway?

You make your way towards the kitchen.

Later that night, after he’s finished fucking you into the mattress, he grunts out an I love you, before rolling over and promptly falling asleep.

His cum is sticky and uncomfortable as it cools on your burning thighs.

You stare at the lights sweeping across the ceiling from the passing cars and try to remember days when you didn’t feel as though someone had hollowed out everything that made you and filled in the empty space with barely contained rage.

Rationally, you know you weren’t always so unhappy with Ushijima. You loved him -- you still do -- you have for years. You could barely contain your tears of joy when he asked you to marry him and you didn’t manage to contain them at all the day you officially tied the knot.

You were so happy then. So, so, happy.

What happened?

(You know exactly what happened.)

You’ve made sacrifice after sacrifice for him. Moved from country to country. Left your family and friends behind more times than you can count. Because you love Toshi. Because you love him more than anything. And because he loves you, though you know he doesn’t love you more than anything. It’s a selfish gripe to have. A rather dumb one too. Of course he doesn’t love you more than volleyball. Why should he? He’s dedicated his whole life to the sport. Countless hours, countless injuries, and setbacks, and he’s persevered through it all because that's what he does. Because that sport, that court, that stupid fucking ball, is what he loves above all else.

It’s not as if you jumped into this marriage wholly and totally blind. You’re not dumb. You knew volleyball was going to be a priority in his life, the priority. And you thought you could handle that. You did handle it. For 5 years you’ve handled it, the constant moving, the last minute canceled plans, the weeks of him traveling that have left you all alone for near months at a time in a cold home with a cold bed. You’ve handled it all with a too-wide smile plastered painfully across your face.

But things have -- shifted, recently. Maybe it’s the pressure of what could very well be his last Olympics coming up in these next few years, maybe it’s the fear of someone younger, better, stronger than him taking his place, or maybe, he simply doesn’t give all that much of a fuck about you anymore.

(You know that’s not true. Wakatoshi loves you. You know that. Which is what makes this all so much worse.)

I love you, isn’t that enough? he’d said bluntly, and maybe a bit confused, last time you brought up your concerns after the third canceled date in a row.

His words had made you pause. Was it enough? Why isn’t it enough? Shouldn’t it be enough?

At the time, you’d thought, maybe. Maybe I can make it enough.

A year later and you’ve come to the realization that it simply -- isn’t enough. Maybe if you were a different person, a slightly better person, it’d be enough. But you’re not. You’re you, a strange, toxic concoction of hollow fury and selfish desires (for comfort, for love, for anything more than whatever this is).

You roll over on your side to face your husband. He’s on his back, like he always is when he sleeps, completely dead to the world.

He’s statuesque, unmovable, untouchable, even now.

You gently brush your finger over his brow, sweeping his hair to the side, and tracing his strong jawline. You’ve done this a thousand times. You’ve memorized every curve, every freckle, every scar. You’ve mapped countless constellations across his skin.

You don’t hate him, you realize, in the dark suffocating silence of the night. Not yet, at least. There’s still too much love for him in your heart. Still too many memories of brighter days. Sweeter days. Gentler days.

He’s been good to you. As good as a man like him is capable of being. And you love him so, so dearly for it.

He has tomorrow off, maybe -- maybe you should talk to him. There’s still time to salvage this. There’s still so much love for him in your heart, enough to drive out the hate. You know it.

He has tomorrow off, you repeat to yourself. The first full day he’s taken off in a month.

You’ll talk to him then.

You have to.

The morning light is what wakes you. The gentle rays kiss your cheeks so sweetly.

Without fully opening your eyes, you reach towards Ushi only to be met with -- cool sheets.

Your stomach drops painfully and it's as though he’s taken your heart in his hands and just squeezed.

You open your eyes, wearily, tiredly, and the morning light no longer seems so sweet. It’s mocking. A cruel, bitter reminder of better days and broken promises.

You crawl out of bed, trying to stay optimistic -- maybe he just went for a morning jog -- even though you know that on days he has off he likes to sleep in. You try desperately to give him the benefit of the doubt, because he promised and you want so badly to still be able to believe him, even after everything.

He used to have every Saturday and Sunday free, then around three years ago it turned into every Sunday, then a year and a half ago it turned into every other Sunday, and recently -- well, it’s been a while. A long, long while.

But he promised he’d stay home today.

He promised, you repeat as you stumble around the apartment only to find it painfully silent, empty, and so, so cold.

You collapse on the couch, hunched over, your head hanging pitifully into your hands. You take a deep, pathetically shaky breath.

And then you laugh.

You laugh so hard you nearly heave.

Two years ago, you would’ve cried. A year ago, you would’ve screamed.

But now? Who do you really have to blame, but yourself? How can you not laugh? How can you not laugh at just how stupid and gullible you are?

Really, how many times can you blame Ushijima for breaking your heart when you’re the one who can’t seem to stop handing it to him -- on a silver fucking platter no less.

This is your fault. And it has been for a long while now.

It’s time to move on.

You book a one-way flight home -- you haven’t been back in so long. Too long, you know. You stuff as much as you can into your single suitcase and pitiful carry-on bag. It’s all strangely methodical and robotic. You’re calmer than you’ve been in months.

This is how it was always going to end. Honestly, you don’t think there was really supposed to be another option, any other way out. You don’t think this mess was ever going to be fixed. It was stupid of you to ever believe otherwise.

By the time you’ve managed to compose yourself, get your affairs in order, and meticulously pack away as much as you can, the sun has started to dip below the horizon.

The clock reads 9:18 PM. Your flight is in a few hours. You’ll have to get going soon.

You pick out the nicest, most expensive bottle of red wine in your home. You were going to save it for when Ushi made the national team again but, as you’ve learned rather painfully, sometimes plans change.

You pour yourself a glass, but in the end, can’t bring yourself to take a single sip.

That’s how Ushi finds you, sitting at the kitchen table, toying with a glass of wine. There’s only the lone kitchen light lit in the apartment. The shadows dance around him, dark and monstrous, ready to swallow you both whole.

Wakatoshi has never been particularly skilled at reading social cues but you can tell from the slight tilt of his head that he knows somethings wrong. You wonder if he knows exactly how wrong.

(Not that it would really change anything if he did.)

The thud of his gym bag hitting the floor echoes too loudly in the silent apartment.

He steps into the kitchen like he does all other things -- with purpose, with confidence. It will never not leave you in awe, even now, how sure he always is of himself. He’s a blunt force weapon, he always has been, and you can’t imagine a time where he’ll be anything but.

He stops at the opposite end of the table. It’s the beginning of the same song and dance you two have done time and time again when he breaks his little promises.

His big ones too.

(You think of when he had missed your five-year anniversary dinner for a last-minute practice. He hadn’t forgotten about the reservation, he’d told you after he’d returned home to you sitting alone at the kitchen table, half-drunk and livid, but people were relying on him, is what he’d said, and there’s always next year.)

This routine is comforting, if only in the cruelest way.

We can put on a show, just this last time, you think. For old time’s sake.

Your eyes fall back down to your glass as you speak. “You said you’d stay home today.”

You look back up just in time to see him opening his mouth. No doubt getting ready to cycle through the same set of excuses he’s been using for the past four years.

A teammate called.

I needed the extra practice.

There’s a skill I need to perfect.

The Olympics are 4 years away...3 years away...2 years away....you know that, love.

And, of course, no matter his reason, his excuse, he always makes sure to add, I’ll stay home next Sunday, I promise.

He doesn’t intend for that last part to be cruel, you’re sure of it, but God, if that doesn’t make it so much worse.

You cut him off before he can even start. “You promised.”

His brows furrow at your exhausted, weary tone. “There was a team meeting today, I’m sorry I forgot to mention it to you. It went on longer than I expected it would. We can still go out to dinner if you’d like.”

You give him a sad sort of smile. You’re too tired to give him any other. “I don’t think I’ll have time for that, love.”

Ushijima’s left brow twitches, as it always does when he doesn’t quite understand what’s going on.

He takes a step forward, around the table. “What do you mean? Are you going out tonight?”

You shake your head softly. “No, Toshi.”

You can’t help but wish more than anything, that it didn’t have to come to this, because you have loved him so much, so deeply, and you think that for it to end like this is a disservice to you both.

His jaw clenches, no doubt already trying to contain his frustration. He’s probably tired after his long day. An argument over something like this is probably the last thing he wants. A good wife would care more. A good wife might’ve persevered, smiled through her husband's little lies and shattered promises. A good wife might’ve tried harder. A good wife might’ve dug her heels in, instead of letting go completely.

But you’re not a good wife. Not now, at least. For all you know, you never were. You’ve always been just a bit too bitter, too selfish, too flawed. Not willing enough to throw yourself on the metaphorical altar for him.

He’s close enough now that he can see the suitcase at your side. It stops him dead in his tracks.

“What’s going on?” His tone is hard, demanding, but you know him too well to miss the fear that pulls at the corner of his eyes.

Ushijima Wakatoshi is a lot of things. But he’s certainly not dumb. He has to know what’s going on. He has to have known that, eventually, this was what was going to happen.

You stand up slowly, bracing your palms against the rough wood of the tabletop.

“I-” you let out a harsh, mean breath. You hate that you’re doing this. But you’d hate yourself more if you didn’t. And you know you’d grow to hate him too, eventually, if you stay. You’re burning up here in this home, each broken promise and cold night add fuel to the already raging fire. You’ll be nothing but ashes soon enough. “I can’t do this anymore, Wakatoshi.”

His pretty olive eyes narrow. The look he gives you is practically glacial. His fury has always been so, so cold. A stark contrast to your burning rage.

He takes a deep breath. “I don’t understand.” His words are slow, methodical, and too even.

They crack open something violent inside your chest, something with teeth. Something mean and ugly and so, so sad.

Too many years of biting your tongue have culminated into this moment. It’s time to strip yourself to the bone, to the ugly marrow. No matter how painful or awful.

Don’t you two deserve that, at least? Don’t you two deserve to part ways having seen the worst of each other?

“Of course you don’t understand, Ushijima,” you spit out, caustic and cruel. “How can you?” The laugh you let out is ripped from the very bottom of your heart, mean and poisonous. “Or more accurately, why would you? Why would you even bother understanding? It’s not like my unhappiness has ever really meant anything to you before-”

He cuts in sharply. “You know that’s not true.”

“No,” you hiss. “I don’t. How can I? I’ve been miserable for years now, left to beg for scraps of your attention like a fucking dog. I’ve reduced myself to this pathetic creature. I-” tears cloud your vision, far faster than you can blink them away. “I don’t even recognize myself anymore, Ushijima. I’m so--I’m so angry all the time and if I stay here that’s going to be all that’s left of me.”

It’s silent after your outburst and in the air is something awful and too great. You’re both teetering on the edge of something terrifying.

“If you stay with me, you mean,” he says, finally, and far too soft for a man like him. All signs of his previous fury have fled and in his eyes is a painful sort of vulnerability.

Your anger dissipates with his, mostly because you’re so fucking tired of being angry.

Is it really his fault, anyway? What exactly were you expecting of him, when you took his last name? Were you really wanting him to change something so fundamental, so ingrained in his soul, just for you? How unfair of you, you realize now, how cruel.

“Toshi.” You’re exhausted. And so sick of being second best. “This is more my fault than it is yours. I thought I could handle what being married to you would entail but I was,” -- you laugh, far less biting than before-- “very wrong.” You close your eyes, unable to look at him. “And now I suppose we’re both paying the price for it.”

“I love you,” he says, bluntly. “And you love me.”

You’re finally able to meet his eyes again. You take in the planes of his face, the subtle pain etched into every corner, a brutal, beautiful reflection of the years you’ve spent by his side.

“I do love you, Ushijima. More than anything.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

You swallow hard. “Sometimes, that just isn’t enough, Toshi. Relationships require more than love. They require work, and compromise, and some semblance of care and dedication, and you just-- you just don’t have the time for that right now, and I understand that. But I can’t keep doing this to myself. I deserve-” you stop and give yourself a moment to choose your words carefully, lovingly because you’re desperate for him to just understand. “We deserve better, don’t you think?”

He shakes his head, his hair falls in his eyes. You sweep it aside, a force of habit after all these years, something you’ve done a million and one times. Before you can jerk your arm back he grips it in his large hand. His fingers wrap around your wrist, unyielding.

“I need you,” Toshi says, uncharacteristically desperate. You can feel the heat radiating off his chest. It's a twisted sort of comfort. Knowing this may very well be the last time you’ll be in this position.

You smile, sweetly and a bit sadly. “No, you don’t, Ushi. You need volleyball. You need the thrill of the game and the taste of victory but you don’t need me. You’ve never needed me. And that’s okay.” You lift your other hand up to brush the stray tear that’s fallen from his eye. He nuzzles into your palm before you can move it, clinging to you like some sort of lifeline. “It’ll be okay, Toshi, we’ve just reached the end of our road. That’s all.”

He raises a shaky hand to trace the dried tracks of tears on your cheek, it’s startling to see him so uncomposed. “Please,” he nearly begs, “don’t do this.”

In your heart, there’s an odd brew of grief and rage and pain and love so mean you know you’ll feel the ache of it for years to come.

You think of all the shattered promises he’s left at your feet, you think of the gentle way he’s held you through the years, you think of his string of nonchalant rejection, you think of yourself, bright and burning.

Your mind spins from it and all you can do is rest your head against his chest and close your eyes.

a/n pt 2: there is some untapped potential in the fed up housewife genre and i am determined to unearth it. also i love ushi i promise i think he’d be a great husband under most circumstances

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #ushijima x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #haikyuu angst #hq #hq x reader #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu scenarios #ushijima x y/n #ushijima x you #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #vicwrites #vicwriteshq

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hufflesight · 3 years

Note

hi!! i loved how you wrote my request! and i was wondering if you could write a crows x reader(maybe with kaz x reader too?) based on the song 'hug all your friends' by cavetown?

thank you and hope you have an amazing day/night, love!<3

Description: the reader is a Tailor, but without any official training, she can only change her own face; she offers to go spy and has to say goodbye to all the crows.

(ECHO! HI! I'm so glad you liked it! I'm sorry this one is so late and kinda short, my life is hectic and homework is the worst :) )

(I'm not honestly sure what this counts as. It's definitely fluffy but like it's not exactly happy, also I removed a couple choruses/lines/verses to make it make more sense with the story; hope that's okay!)

Warnings: None, I think

Words: 874

As always if you like my writing feel free to give me a request! My inbox is always open, I might just take a couple days to post it, depending on my schedule!

What's it like to be alone on a Sunday

Y/n lay on the bed, her head cradled in Kaz's lap. She was exhausted, but she wouldn't miss this moment for a year's worth of sleep. She was about to go away for at least two months; she could sleep then. Right now she just focus on Kaz's gloved hands as they carefully brushed stray locks of hair from her cheek.

The sun was low in the sky; she'd just barely slept past sunrise, but she still needed to get going. If she missed the ship, there would be no hope in this mission.

However, even with the stakes in her mind, she couldn't help but stay as she was, staring into Kaz's dark eyes. They'd been together for 3 years now, and they'd been the best years of her life. Maybe she could only touch him through gloves and long sleeves, maybe he wasn't the most obvious with his feelings, but Kaz was all that Y/n would ever want or need.

She smiled softly.

Sing me a song, tell me your thoughts I could listen to you all day long

He returned the smile, but there was a far off look in his eyes. Y/n knew that look. She'd seen it so many times over the years, and not just about her. About each and every crow. It was the look Kaz got when he was nervous for their safety.

"Hey, Kaz, darling, it's fine. I'll be fine. It's not a dangerous mission anyways. And I'll be in disguise the whole time."

She watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, until finally he responded. "Alright, just..." He hesitated, but she waited patiently. She'd always wait for him. "Be careful. I love you too much to lose you."

"I will. And I love you too, Kaz."

An idea coming to mind, she nudged him slightly. "Tell me a story. I don't want to forget your voice."

A true smile crept across his features, and as he began talking, she closed her eyes, memorizing every inflection in his tone.

Life's too short to worry about things that we got wrong So hug all your friends and let them know

Hours later, Y/n's few important possessions were shoved into a small bag, and she stepped into the entryway of the Slat, where the rest of the crows were waiting. She took a deep breath before throwing herself into Inej's arms, the person she was closest to; after Kaz, of course. Her friend hugged her tightly, whispering quietly into her ear "You got this," before releasing her directly into Nina, who in turn grabbed her.

"I'm going to miss you, Y/n!"

Y/n laughed, before replying "I'm only going to be gone for a couple months, Nina!"

"I know, I know, but still!"

When she was finally released, she got a clap on the back from Matthias.

Then Jesper came out of nowhere, his grin directly in her face. "I'll admit, it'll be a bit boring around here without being able to watch Kaz awkwardly flirt with you." She laughed, slightly blushing as she looked over to the man in question, who was pretty clearly trying to hide his own smile.

After a hug with Wylan, who had become like a brother to her, Y/n started to open the door. But as she grabbed the handle, a pang of loneliness hit her. With a breath, she waved it off. She'd be fine by herself. She was by herself before she found the crows, after all.

You're not letting go, No I won't let go

As she and Kaz left the building, Y/n couldn't help but look back at it once, the last time she would for 3 months. She was about to live in a house she didn't know, pretending to be someone she wasn't. It was almost a thrilling thought, but behind that, she was still scared. She'd never had much talent in terms of defending herself; changing one's face didn't do much when staring down the barrel of a gun.

But as she walked, hand in gloved hand with Kaz, she felt confident. She could do this.

Though the belief wavered as she reached the ship, as she felt his hands leave hers, as they promised they'd see each other again, she held it. She could do this.

---

You don't know what it's like to be nothing at all When the night turns cold my thoughts feel like stone I can't breathe anymore

I forgot how to walk by myself

---

She couldn't do this. A month in a half in the mansion, with someone else's face, and now Y/n lay crying on her bed. The journal under her mattress was full of secrets, the truth behind the wealthy family she'd infiltrated. But her head was full of lies. Who she was, who she was supposed to be: they were getting mixed up in her mind.

The only reason she didn't run away into the woods, the only thing keeping her grounded at all were their six faces.

Wylan. Jesper. Matthias. Nina. Inej. Kaz.

I could do with a little more of your help

She wished they were there with her.

"I need you with me." She whispered into her pillow.

#crows x reader #soc fanfic #fanfiction #kaz x reader #six of crows #fanfic #jesper fahey #nina zenik #matthias helvar #kaz brekker x reader #kaz x you #kaz brekker #wylan van eck #inej gjafa #writing

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the-witty-pen-name · 3 years

Text

Deadbeat Pt. 3

Lee Bodecker x F!Reader

18+ ONLY

Warnings: age gap (reader is 21), smut, cursing, abandonment, infatuation, cheating/divorce, angst, mild housewife kink, mentions of prostitution, mentions of alcohol, corrupt official

Word Count: 4.7k

Summary: You work at the bar at the edge of town, the Sheriff is going through a divorce and needs to rent a room.

A/N: I’m terrible at writing summaries and I’m so sorry about that! I don’t think I would consider this a dark!fic, but it does cover a lot of themes, and topics that are darker than I usually write about- but I think that comes with the territory of writing about Lee Bodecker. I’ll make sure to update the warnings for each chapter and do not read if you are underage. I also ignored canon for this one.

This is unedited, and I missed anything I should include as a warning let me know! This chapter introduces some new plots and conflicts, so it jumps around a little more than the previous ones.

I hope you all enjoy!

I also am having some writer’s block with my Obi-Wan Kenobi miniseries I was working on, so expect Part 3 sometime Sunday hopefully! So sorry for the delay on the final chapter.

Tags and Requests are OPEN

Part One // Part Two

Henry Curtis was one of the most infuriating people Lee had ever met. Curtis was a writer for the Columbus newspaper and constantly pestering the Sheriff. Curtis seemed to have a sixth sense for whenever the Sheriff did anything. He was desperately trying to catch the Sheriff doing anything but so far had remained unsuccessful. Curtis was the biggest obstacle Lee faced in winning re-election. The man would show up out of nowhere, pen and pad in hand ready to find anything that would be enough to keep the Sheriff out of office.

Maybe Curtis was just doing his job, but Lee always felt like it was much more personal. It was probably just his own resentment of the man who was just doing his job. But the man didn’t have to be so goddamn invasive. When the Sheriff had devised his plan on offering to rent a room from you, he was so tied up in his own mess of divorce and his somewhat confusing feelings towards you he had completely forgotten about the press. They would have a field day with the divorce alone, but now on top of everything else, Lee knew he should be more careful.

Lee always had to be careful, especially if he was meeting Leroy Brown. Lee would make sure he drove way out of town, and always insisted they met at a different location every time. This would infuriate Brown but Lee was the only lawman he had working for him. Sometimes Lee would drive several hours out of the way, always at some deserted ghost town or some sad excuse for a diner or a bar. Always somewhere no one would recognize him.

Lee lied to you and told you he and a few of the deputies would need to drive out of town for a stakeout when he needed to meet with Brown. It was one of those nights, sitting in the cruiser with the headlights off, as he parked in an abandoned parking lot almost two hours out of town.

He had been able to put this off for a couple weeks, lying about other legitimate jobs getting in the way. Honestly, it was because he wanted to one, avoid anything that would cause suspicion from Henry Curtis hearing he was back in town and two, he was selfishly allowing himself to just spend his nights at his new home, spending all the time he could manage with you. It was like being in that little white house was a place where he could let himself be delusional, and time spent with you was what his life actually was, not this mess he was currently dealing with. He wanted out.

Lee knew he wasn’t a good man. He knew that his laundry list of offenses had tarnished his badge a long time ago. He knew what he was doing, and before he never cared. Now, he’s thinking about how his actions could affect you. You were innocent, unaware of everything he was stuck in. He knew you weren’t stupid, and he was sure the town knows some about his corruption. But now, he couldn’t rationalize away his actions for any reason when it came to you. Janie? She didn’t care and would encourage it. She’d be in on it too. She’d have no problem lying to ladies at Church or starting other rumors to keep the town talking about anyone but Lee. She was as power hungry as he was sometimes, which could be a testament as to how their loveless marriage held together for so long.

***

“Hi, I’m looking for a Ms. (Y/L/N)?” the man asked when he approached you, talking a seat at one of the barstools.

“Who’s asking for her?” you asked raising an eyebrow.

“I’m Henry Curtis, I work for the Columbus Dispatch.”

“The newspaper?”

“That’s the one.”

“Why are you looking for her?”

“I’m doing a story on her mother’s marriage to Harvey Tucker.”

“She’s not here tonight. But I can let her know you were here. Do you got a card?”

The man pulled out a business card from his wallet and slide it across the bar. You picked it up and read all the information before putting it in the pocket of your apron.

“Seems weird for the Columbus paper to want to do a story on that a month and a half after it happened,” you said skeptically.

“We did cover the story when it happened,” Curtis informed you. “Doing a follow up since the story broke about his wife missing.”

“Missing?” you ask. “Do they know what happened?”

“Robbed the bastard blind and then ran apparently,” Curtis said casually looking past you at the chalkboard on the wall. “Scotch, neat.”

“Yes, sir,” you reply, grabbing the bottle from the shelf. “Has anything else been found out yet?”

“Not yet, that’s why I’m here. Checking in to see if she’d come back here because I heard Ms. (Y/L/N) still lives around these parts.” He then pulled a newspaper out of the inside pocket of his coat and started flipping through the pages.

“She has another kid too, right?” you asked, playing dumb. “A boy, I think. Do you know where he is?”

“Couldn’t say,” he sounded very indifferent, “Most likely went with her but who knows? I went to the Sheriff’s office to see if they knew anything but the Sheriff wasn’t there.”

“That’s too bad,” you say. “I’m sure Sheriff Bodecker would help you help if he can.”

Your statement made Mr. Curtis chuckle, but you didn’t follow up on it. You were just focusing on getting as much information about your mother and brother as you could.

“Speaking of Mr. Bodecker,” he began, “I recently saw his wife is getting remarried. Saw the announcement of the engagement in the paper.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” you respond, skeptically. You didn’t know why but you didn’t trust this man. It was something in the tone of his voice, or maybe it was just how he held himself. Very polished, a suit and a nice dress jacket. He looked very out of place in this town, and this little bar.

“You familiar with the Sheriff at all, miss?”

“Not too well,” you shrug, “Haven’t had any run-ins with the law myself.”

“Not even a speeding ticket?” He asks, only a little condescendingly.

“Can’t get a speeding ticket if you don’t have a car,” you point out.

“Touché,” he chuckles before taking a sip of his drink.

He doesn’t ask you anymore questions, and when he leaves, he gives you a five-dollar tip.

***

Lee receives his cut from Brown. There was nothing new to report on that front and his meeting went by smoothly. All Lee had to do was to turn a blind eye, and make sure the rest of the department stays unaware of the brothel’s existence. Brown always insisted on meeting with him, wanting to know what the Sheriff’s department was investigating and making sure his businesses stayed under the radar. He felt sick, and is preoccupied with the fact he has an envelope of dirty money in the cruiser’s glovebox.

It’s around midnight when he pulls up to the house. He expects that you’re already asleep, but he notices the lamp is on in the living room. He takes the money out of his glovebox and tucks it away into the inner pocket of his jacket. Coming inside, he finds you on the couch, knees pulled to your chest, staring at the business card Mr. Curtis had given you. You face is stained with dried up tears, and you still haven’t even changed out of your work clothes.

“What’s that?” he asks, the sight of you breaking his heart. He winces because he comes off a lot harsher than he meant.

“Some reporter came while I was at work wanting to talk to me,” you explain softly, you sound exhausted. “Wanted to talk to me cause he’s doing a story on my mother. Apparently, she’s on the run from the Columbus police.”

You extend your hand to give Lee the card. He feels his jaw clench when he reads the information. “What happened?” he asks, taking a deep breath and sitting down next to you.

“I pretended I wasn’t me,” you say, another tear rolling down your cheek. “He came in asking for me so I said I’d pass his card on. I didn’t want to tell him who I was because he didn’t explain why he was looking for me at first. I don’t know- just scared me. I’m more upset about the news itself than him.”

“You did the right thing,” Lee said softly, placing a hand on your shoulder comfortingly. He was angry, but he didn’t show it. It worried him, fucking Curtis snooping around this close to you. It made him feel protective, wanting to shield you from the whole ordeal. He had been on the receiving end of unsolicited attention from the press and he knew how ruthless they were. He knew this wouldn’t be the only time Curtis would try to get in touch with you. He’d find out where you lived, he’d continue to show up while you were working- the whole nine yards. He didn’t want you going through that.

Curtis talking to you also made him incredibly paranoid. It was his two worlds that he desperately wanted to keep apart were colliding. He knew it was impossible, but he so wanted to keep you separated from the other part of his life. It wasn’t who he wanted you to see. Hell, he hasn’t even been here for a month. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep you in the dark, at least that wasn’t entirely intentional. Actually, he wasn’t sure, maybe it was intentional. However, it wasn’t just you he wanted to hide aspects of his life from. He wanted his involvement with Brown and others hidden from every goddamn registered voter. You were no different, he tried to rationalize. But that wasn’t true. These feelings he harbored for you, were getting worse. He needed to unwrap himself from this situation, and for the sake of you finding out he was a shill, keep you away from that asshole. He didn’t want to let himself think about how the way you look at him would change.

And here he was, making the situation all about him. It was in his nature.

“He’s just going to show up again if I don’t call him,” you say, wiping your eyes. “Maybe I should just call him in the morning. Just be honest and say I don’t know anything. He can keep coming around but nothing is going to change.”

“I can take care of it,” he says. He couldn’t risk you talking to Curtis again. For all he knows, Curtis would tell you all about the story on the Sheriff he’d been trying to confirm for years. Lee knew he couldn’t let that happen. He fully intends on telling you, but how the hell do you bring that up? ‘Hey doll, I’m also on the payroll of every pimp and bootlegger in a ten-mile radius, just letting you know.’ It wasn’t going to come up, unless Curtis tells you about it. He’d be hoping to pull himself out if it, show you how you made him want to be better.

For now, he settles for comforting you, and just being there to take care of you. Make you feel better. He wraps an arm around your shoulder and lets you cry into his chest. He sighs, kissing the top of your head in a friendly way and you curl up against him. Under different circumstances, you probably wouldn’t have let yourself do this- show your vulnerability or allow anyone to comfort you like this. But it was all the events of the past month, your mother leaving, everything, just all hitting you at once, and you were happy you weren’t alone.

In the morning, you wake up on the couch with a blanket over you. You see Lee asleep in the chair, and you realize he stayed with you all night. It makes your heart flutter. You pull the blanket up over your chin and close your eyes again. You felt surprisingly well rested. The stress and worry were pushed to the back of your mind long enough to let you get some sleep. It still lingered in the back of your mind, but you reminded yourself that for now, there was nothing you could do. You had the day off, and you let yourself have a little longer time to sleep in.

You woke up to the smell of coffee brewing and the sound of sizzling on the stove. When you opened your eyes, Lee was no longer in the chair. You sat up and looked toward the kitchen, where you saw Lee with his back to you while he worked with the pans on top of the stove. The portable radio was positioned on the counter, and it was playing at a low volume, so it wouldn’t wake you up.

“Hey,” you say softly, still waking up as you walk into the kitchen.

“Morning, doll,” he says, glancing back at you for a moment. “How’re you feeling?”

“A little better,” you admit, grabbing a mug for yourself out of the cabinet. You pour yourself a cup of coffee, savoring the smell before making it how you usually take it. “Thank you for sitting with me,” you say honestly, “you didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” he says with a small grin. “I just wanted to help.”

“I really appreciate it, Lee,” you reiterate your thanks, hopping up to take a seat on the counter, watching him cook breakfast. “Didn’t know you knew how to cook,” you joke, making him chuckle.

“I’m full of surprises, sweetheart,” he smirks, making you feel flushed. You take another drawn out sip of your coffee to try to distract yourself. You watch his arms, and his hands as they maneuver and flex when he cooks. You imagine how they must feel, your eyes focused on the veins. You bit your lip and it reminds you of the dream you had a little while back when he first moved in. You imagine him stepping in between your legs as your propped up on the counter, his hands gently gripping your thighs and-

“I’ll get it,” you announce hurriedly as you hear someone knock on the front door. You hop off the counter careful to not spill your coffee, and head to answer the door. Lee watches you bounce out of the room, fixing your hair as you go and you don’t catch his smile.

“Arvin,” you say surprised, stepping out onto the porch. “What are you doing here?” you ask, with a small grin. You’re confused but nonetheless happy to see him.

“You look like you’ve been crying,” he observes, concern written all over his face.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say dismissively, “Just last night I was thinking about my ma and everything. Just had trouble sleeping is all.”

“The Sheriff didn’t do anything?” Arvin asked in a hushed tone, looking over your shoulder to see if Lee could hear you two.

“No, nothing, he’s been perfectly fine,” you say coming to the Sheriff’s defense. “I know you and Ms. Russell are worried, I know how it must look- but Arvin I swear he’s just my tenant. He’s been nothing but a gentleman.”

“Just making sure,” he says, letting it go for now. “Lenora asked me to bring these by for you.” He hands you the glass baking dish that you can see is filled with homemade cinnamon rolls. “She’s been practicing making all kinds of baked goods for when the Church does that bake sale and has me running all over town giving it away cause me and Uncle Earskell can’t keep up with it all.”

“Tell her thank you for me,” you say with a smile, “And I’ll bring the dish with me to Church tomorrow- give it back to her.”

“She misses you I think,” Arvin says sheepishly, pushing his hands into his front pockets. “I mean- I do- I think my whole family does- we all do. I’m sorry my grandmother hasn’t asked you over in a while…”

“I understand,” you nod. “Reputation is an important thing.”

“I just didn’t want you to think it was because of us,” he says looking down at the porch, his eyes fixed on a loose board. “You know how she is- everything no matter the context is somehow a sin. Scared to death of her own shadow…”

“I know you’re not that resentful, Arvin Russell,” you chuckle and he relaxes. “And I don’t hold any hard feelings towards anyone in your family- you all have always been good to me.”

“Well, um,” he says awkwardly, looking like he was holding back from saying more. “I got to hit a couple more houses before I head to work, so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at Church?”

“I’ll be there.”

“Oh- I wanted to let you know,” he says, turning around as he’s already heading down the front steps, “The principal down at the high school is looking for secretaries- Lenora heard and thought you might be interested. It pays like $35 a week, I think. You should call Linda Carson; I think Lenora said- that’s the woman who’s in charge of hiring people, I think.”

“I’ll call the school first thing Monday morning,” you say, grin stretching from ear to ear. Arvin nods and says goodbye again. You walk back into the house like you’re on top of the world. You couldn’t contain your excitement. That job if you could get it would be a dream. You’d be making so much more than you’re already making. You were so excited.

“You’re in a much better mood than when I last saw you,” Lee jokes. He’s sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper while he eats his breakfast. You notice that he made you a table setting- brought your coffee over and everything. You place the baking dish in the middle of the table and sit down.

“That was Arvin,” you say happily, and Lee feels his heart sink into his stomach.

“Oh yeah?” he asks, trying to not let on how his heart feels like it’s crushed. He knew it was only a matter of time before a boy would come around- whether it be Arvin or someone else your own age.

“Well, first he was just dropping off baked goods Lenora made,” you say gesturing to the dish on the table. “He’s going around to everybody, I guess. He mentioned the high school is looking for office secretaries- Lenora wanted me to know. Thirty-five dollars a week! I’m going to talk to Linda Carson about it Monday morning. Can you imagine? I could get a secretary job.”

Lee feels just a crash of relief wash over him. He’s so happy that you are looking at a new job. You deserve better than that bar. He knew you deserved the job just as much as any of the other candidates. You work harder than anyone he knows.

“That’s fantastic, sugar,” he replies. “You deserve it.”

“Do you think I have a chance?” you ask, feeling a little self-conscious- you knew you weren’t as experienced as other candidates would be for sure.

“Of course, I do,” he says, putting down the paper to give you his full attention. “I feel like you getting this job is a definite. There’s no doubt about it.”

“You’re just buttering me up,” you scoff, finishing up your food, making him chuckle. You may have also seen his cheeks redden, but you couldn’t say for sure. You finish off your coffee, and then bring you dishes back to the kitchen, leaving them in the sink. Lee turns his attention back to his newspaper and you head upstairs to get ready for your day.

When you head upstairs, Lee notices that you took the radio with you- and he could hear you were listening to music from upstairs. He decides before it’s too late to ring Mark Cunningham. The line rings a couple of times before Mark answers.

“Cunningham.”

“Morning, Mark. It’s Sheriff Bodecker,” he smirks.

“What can I do for you Sheriff?” he asks, the sound of shuffling paper comes through as well. Most likely flipping through the paper.

“I wanna call in that favor you owe me,” he says, casually pacing the living room, holding the receiver up to his ear and the base of the rotary phone in the other.

“Of course, Sheriff,” he says. A while back, Bodecker busted the principal making moonshine in his old barn that was at the end of his property. Lee looked the other way and was waiting for the right thing to call in a favor for.

“I want you to hire (Y/N) (Y/L/N) for the secretary job,” he says, looking to the stairs, making sure you aren’t coming. The music is still playing loudly from upstairs so he determines he’s still got time.

“That’s all?” Mark asked surprised.

“That’s all I want from you,” Lee replies. “I expect you can make that happen?”

“Without a doubt. When can she start?”

“Still have her come in for an interview. I don’t anyone else knowing I called you about this- including her.”

“Done.”

With that, Lee hangs up the phone, feeling really good about this decision. He knew how much that job meant to you- he could see it in your eyes and how excitedly you talked about it. He can’t wait to see you when you find out you get the position. He knows it’s going to make you so happy. He knows you’d be a fantastic candidate, but this just eliminates any doubt. He reasons that there isn’t much difference, since you were very likely to get it anyways. He just had to make sure.

He can picture you know, coming home from the interview- excited to tell him that you got the job. You’d be so excited you’d jump up and hug him tightly, just so overjoyed that you let your feelings take over. You’d wrap your legs and around his waist and he’d hold you up by holding the back of your thighs. You’d wrap your arms tightly around him and bury your head in the crook of his neck. You’d lift your head up to look at him, embarrassed at your actions and then he’d press his lips to yours. You’d gasp softly, but your lips would melt against his own and your arms would wrap tightly around his neck. He’d walk forward, pressing you up against the wall and he’d kiss your neck mumbling praises of congratulations against your skin as his name falls from your lips at how good he’d make you feel. It’s almost unbearable how bad he wants you.

He heads to him room to get ready for his day, but his mind is still clouded with thoughts of you. He thinks about how much he wants nothing more that to just pin you on his mattress. He wonders if you know how crazy you make him. Sometimes there’s something in your eye that makes him think you want him too, but he’s not sure. His better judgement holds him back from everything he wants to do. He thinks about how it must feel to have his head right in-between your thighs. Back in the kitchen together, he wanted to just get on his knees and worship you. The feeling of them pressing against him as he sucks on your clit and runs his tongue across your folds.

Serval hours later, he can’t shake the thoughts, even sitting in his office at the sheriff’s station- working on a Saturday yet again. He’s cooped up in his office, unable to get through any of the paperwork that has piled up on his desk. He’s thinking about you, again, but in this daydream, you’re bent over his desk- because you came by to see him on your break from work at the school. His office door locked and his blinds pulled so he can bend you over and take you right there- rough and fast, sending you back to work with a feeling of him still there between your legs well after you’re back at your own desk, still sore from the encounter.

“You got a visitor, Lee,” the intercom on his desk lights up.

“Send ‘em in,” he responds back, shaking his head to snap out of it. He needed to get a grip.

“Sorry I didn’t call,” you say, walking into his office. His eyes widen and he wonders if he’s still day dreaming. He discreetly pinches himself. You’re actually here, standing in his office, while he looks at you dumbfounded. Part of him would think he manifested it if he was a man of any faith. “You forgot this,” you say, putting his wallet on the desk. “You must have taken it out of your back pocket before falling asleep in the chair last night. It was laying on the coffee table. I figured I’d stop by with it while I was coming up this way anyways.”

“You’re a doll,” he grins, putting his wallet in his back pocket. “What are you doing?”

“I took the bus to the library to return some books, and now I’m going shopping for something to wear when I go in for an interview since I have the day off to go,” you explain. “I’m also probably going to get lunch after that before heading back home. I just didn’t want to be home in case that reporter stopped by. I’m not ready to talk to him yet.”

“I can take care of it,” he says, “He’ll make his way over here soon enough. I can talk to him.”

“You would do that for me?” you ask, the relief evident across your whole face.

“Yeah, I can talk to him, let him know you gave a statement here,” he says. You nod. “You know as much as he does, so it doesn’t matter if I tell him you don’t know shit or if you tell him.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” you sigh, so relieved thinking that you won’t have to hear from Henry Curtis again. “If he tells you anything about them… will you let me know?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

“Thank you,” you say, hurriedly walking over behind him and quickly hugging his shoulders. You then are back by the door again before he can register the gesture. “Are you going to be home tonight?” you ask, your hand on the doorknob.

“Not until late,” he says reluctantly, and he can see the disappointment on your face- unless his mind was playing tricks on him.

“Okay,” you say finally, “Um, I’ll see you later then.”

“Bye, doll,” he says when you walk out of his office.

Are you going to be home tonight? Your voice lingers in his head. It was such a harmless phrase that could’ve just been one of curiosity. Maybe you were just asking because you were thinking about what you were doing for dinner. It most likely just meant nothing. But, the look on your face when he said no makes him think otherwise. Did it mean you cared? That you wanted to spend time with him? You wanted to see him and be with him as desperately as he needed you perhaps? Just the phrasing itself makes his brain feel like putty. It’s like you’re waiting up for him. It’s like you share the house in a way that’s much more than just him renting a room from you. It’s like you’re his and he’s yours. It’s like saying our house… our home. The question was so intimate and implied so much more about how you saw him and what he was to you. He knew seeing him as how he saw you was next to impossible, but you saw him as more than the Sheriff and more than just the jerk living in your house.

Part Four

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